#ILL POST WHEN I FINISH CH 3

[06strawberrylemonade28]

guys pro tip don't listen to phoebe bridgers and think about jelsa

(just kidding do it)

waiting room?! graceland too? so them dude. so them.

[p1a9u3]

PeepHole Ch.1: Moving Day

Masterpost Ch.1 - Ch.2 Pairing: Dylan Matthews x Fem Oc

Rating: 18+ (mdni)

Genre: Neighbors/Strangers to Lovers, Smut, Angst, Fluff, Slow-burn

Summary: Moving isn't as exciting as Amoya thought, plus she may have pissed off her new neighbor.

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: (This story takes place in 2024) Mental illness (anxiety, ocd), Violent intrusive thoughts, Language, Age gap (5years), Using phone while driving

Status: Unedited

Author note: This is the first fic that I've ever posted, I've written before but I've never finished anything and published it so don't tear me to shreds, please. I chose to make an oc instead of just writing as a reader mainly because I made a whole character in my head before I wrote this so I decided to just make her an oc, if you would like a post going more into this oc of mine feel free to ask (I might post it anyway because I like her), there is no smut in this chapter btw. Please give me feedback and suggestions, constructive criticism, etc. Don't be a bitch about it though...please. I'm thinking of making this a series POSSIBLY, but I procrastinate a lot so that may never happen. To my fellow troublemakers hopefully, I do Dylan justice and my writing is at least a little bit accurate to his personality. Still, to be fair I'm a fairly new troublemaker having only found out about this man a few weeks ago, so if something isn't accurate please correct me...politely. He's become my new hyper fixation so when I saw there aren't really any fics about him I decided I should make my own so here we are. Anyway with that being said Enjoy <3. Update: Dylan is barely in this chapter

Monday, February 26, 2024 Time: 8:30AM Moving out was less relieving than you thought it would be. Having been by your mother's side for almost all your life, you'd gotten comfortable always having someone around.

'You can't live with your parents forever'

People would remind you whenever the topic of anyone's living situation would be brought up. Being twenty-seven and still living with your mother wasn't something you wanted to keep telling people, no one would take you seriously. Though your mother never pushed for you to move out, never mentioned it actually. You think you know why. You never say anything though, so you deal with the slight embarrassment, and ignore the judgmental stares you get whenever someone brings it up.

'They don't know our relationship'

More excuses you make up to justify your obstinance; and to mask the anxiety you're feeling as finish up packing your U-Haul. You had finished packing your stuff from your shared apartment and were now finishing the few boxes you had in storage. Now in the elevator mustering up the strength to carry the last two boxes back down to the truck. Grabbing the lock you had left on the floor, you place it on top of one of the boxes and stack the box onto the second one, bending down and lifting with a soft grunt. Long strides carrying you to the elevator, you push the down button with your foot. The doors open soon after, you step inside setting the boxes down as you push the bottom floor and wait. Pushing off the wall as the doors open you pick up the boxes once again, you quickly load them up into the U-Haul before grabbing the padlock from on top of the box, and then heading to the front desk of the storage building.

"Here, the unit is clean and empty." You smile at the woman as she takes the lock and keys with a thank you.

Turning on your heels you walk back to your U-Haul giving everything a once-over before locking it all up, now turning your attention to the hitch attached to the back of the Truck where your precious car is hitched too. It was a black and cherry red 1993 Nissan 240SX with a red interior, you had seen it while driving with your mom past a repair shop when you were 25, back then it had no windshield or wheels. You won't lie and say you fixed it yourself but you did invest all the money you had at that time to fix it up and color it how you wanted; you still would say it was worth it. Checking the hitch and chains attached to the bottom of the car making sure everything was set and ready.

"Everything looks good?" Your mother said making you jump

"Yah! A warning ma, please! And yes everything looks good, I packed up the last two boxes and returned the keys and lock to the front desk while you were in the bathroom." You let out a breath calming your heart from the scare you just had, your mom snickering next to you. You turn to her rolling your eyes playfully as you walk to the front of the truck, your mom following behind you.

"Good, let's get on the road." Your mom hops into the passenger seat and rolls down the window. "I wanna get home by Wednesday."

You climb into the driver's seat, buckling your seatbelt then checking your mirrors. You two had agreed on driving to your new apartment, taking turns every 5 hours, once you got there she'd help you unload and unpack on Tuesday, and your mom would then fly back to New Orleans on Wednesday. The more you think about it the more you feel yourself panic a bit.

"Okay."

Time: 9:00AM Starting the car, you let out a breath putting the car in drive and pulling out of the parking lot of the storage building. You could tell your mom was trying to keep herself calm by the way she would rub her right thigh with her right hand, it was a nervous tick she passed down to you. Unfortunately, you were just as nervous, so you decided to turn on the playlist you and your mom made while eating the night before, mixes of all kinds of genres put into one playlist to keep you both entertained during the drive. Pulling off the main road and merging onto the freeway, you glance over to your mom to see her smiling wide looking back at you. She has that look in her eyes, you know it well.

"Its happening ma." You smile back at your mom then look back to the road

Your mother places her hand on your thigh, letting out a long sigh and a soft squeeze before returning it back to her own lap. You see her wipe a single tear from your peripheral; you don't acknowledge it. She'll start bawling the second you tell her not to cry. So you pretend not to see it and start singing along to Erykah Badu, your mom turns the music up a bit and starts singing along too. You smile to yourself as you glance out your side window, watching as familiar buildings pass by in a blur, You think you'll miss this place. No, you know you will, but a part of you is kinda excited, relieved almost. You've silently always longed to live on your own, but another part of you calls you selfish for even wanting that until now

'How could want to leave your mother'

You know it's normal to want to move out of your parent's home, every grown adult has to move out at some point, and twenty-seven is a perfectly normal age to do so, You wanted to move when you were twenty-four. Hell, some people live with their parents till they are far in their thirties.

'But you know your mother may need you right'

All your brothers have moved out, they are doing good on their own, and you're the only one left. It was only a matter of time; you tell yourself. Your mom will be fine, she's dating a new man who treats her great and takes care of her. Hell he tried to hire a moving crew to move all your stuff, but you wanted to do it yourself and your mom wasn't going to let you drive almost halfway across the country by yourself.

'you could've found a place closer to her you know'

Phoenix, Arizona. You chose Phenix simply because it was affordable for you and close to LA, your mom agreed it was a good choice. There is work in LA, California is just so expensive, so you chose the next best thing. The apartment is nice from what you saw as well, one bedroom, two baths with a study. It was perfect for you.

Time: 11:23AM The drive was going well so far, your mother eating a bag of chips she packed along with all the other snacks and drinks. You were eating a Honeybun, one of your favorite snacks, and drinking water. Your mom had turned off the music and started watching YouTube with mostly commentary so you could listen and drive, Right now a video was playing talking about some ice cream drama in North Dakota. Author note: if you watched this video featuring Dylan is in Trouble, I know it's technically in the future but I don't care, this is all fake anyway. You found it interesting and kinda funny, laughing every now and then when your mom would pause to add her opinion. About two-thirds of the way into the video you glance down at the screen, there are two guys now instead of one, and one of them is wearing glasses, you glance back down looking at the title of the video 'Insane Local Ice Cream Shop Drama (w/ Dylan Is In Trouble)' You made a mental note of the second guy's name for later, his voice was nice you told yourself, he was also fine as fuck. You leaned your seat back as far as it would go, which wasn't very far, getting comfortable. You still have two more hours left to drive.

Time: 12:35PM Your mom had fallen asleep about ten minutes ago, YouTube was still playing, The next video had been the same guy as before. You looked down for a second, looking at the title of the video that had been playing for about fifteen minutes. 'Guessing Finales After ONE Episode (ft. Dylan Is In Trouble)' You smile to yourself a bit recognizing the name at the end of the title, you let the video play just listening to the guy talk for ten more minutes. You caught yourself smiling again when you recognized the second guy's voice as he joined in for the rest of the video, you took a sip of your water glancing down at the video, seeing him pop on screen whenever he had something to say

"he's funny." You mutter to yourself quietly, thinking out loud.

The video had ended and your lips fell back into their original position, as an ad played before the next queued-up video, you looked down at your GPS. 1322 miles to go; you let out a sigh.

'200 miles closer to leaving you mom'

She was helping you unpack, so you technically wouldn't be leaving her really. If anything she was leaving you since she had to fly back home. You prop your left elbow on the open window, your left hand holding the steering wheel, and your right hand comes down to your thigh, rubbing small circles back and forth.

'What happens if Devon goes back home'

Your oldest brother Devon was working at a mental facility. He was on his medication and was doing good, he managed to get a job there and has been making decent money. He was doing fine, He is doing fine.

'What if he stops taking his medication again.'

They will keep tabs on him, they know his habits, his symptoms, He is fine.

'Has another episode and gets out'

That wouldn't happen. He's fine

'He'll be there when mom gets back'

No.

"Hes gonna ki-'

-beep! beep! beep!-

Time: 2:00PM Your mom's alarm goes off, making you jump a bit. Reaching over to turn it off, your mom moans a bit as she wakes up from her short nap, stretching her arms a bit as she yawns.

"Jeste li spremni za promjenu." she yawns out, going for a sip of her water ( translation: Are you ready to switch)

Your mother's Croatian tends to slip when she's just woken up, or delirious. You nod your head looking at the next exit sign to find a gas station, spotting a Love's off the side of the freeway. Slipping off the freeway you pull up to the gas station before parking next to a pump.

"Bathroom?" You look over at your mom, she nods, unbuckling her seatbelt and hopping out of the truck, you do the same.

You both enter opposing stalls to relieve yourselves of all the water you had been drinking, washing your hands after. Your mother heads back to the truck to pump the gas as you browse the aisles for any extra snacks, spotting a honeybun you instinctively grab one, then two, and head to the cashier. You place your honeybuns on the counter and then look up at the cashier who seems to be invested in something on her phone, she wasn't wearing headphones phone volume at maybe thirty percent, you could hear what she was watching. You recognize the voice, the cashier finally looks up from her phone quickly apologizing for not paying attention.

"Oh I'm so sorry, will this be all" She quickly rings up the two honeybuns.

"No you're fine, that'll be it actually." You dismissively wave your hand pulling out your wallet to pay.

Looking down you notice her phone, she had put it on the counter, and the video on it had been paused but on the screen was that guy again, though it seemed to be a video of his own this time. You pull out some cash and hand it to the young woman behind the counter, she takes the cash, counts it, and then goes to get your change.

"No, it's fine, keep the change" Flashing a smile then grabbing your honeybuns you take another glance at the women's screen before it turns off from being left alone for too long.

Opening the passenger seat door, you climb into the seat buckling yourself in. Pulling out of the gas station your mom pulls off back onto the freeway continuing your journey. You pull out the bag you had brought for little activities, pulling out your book of choice. You had splurged at a Barnes and Noble a few weeks before you began packing, picking up a bunch of books you had either heard good things about or had been wanting to read. Red Rising was one of the books, it was also the one you were currently holding.

"I'm gonna put my headphones on, so you can listen to whatever you want." You tell your mom as you put your headphones on and pull out your phone.

You had gotten the book on Audible a while back and wanted to read and listen at the same time. Pressing play you turn to the first chapter and begin reading as the narrator spoke. Your mom seemed to have put music on, you could feel the bass as she turned up the volume and began singing along.

Time: 10:56PM Hours had passed, it was your turn now with two hours left till your next switch. Your mother was knocked out, lightly snoring as you drove in silence, you had stopped reading once you had switched. You also decide to put off reading it until you were moved in, the book had grabbed your attention, so much so, that you wanted to be able to focus on it solely; so you chose to wait. You had a couple hundred miles left to go and things were sinking in more as you drove silently. Your mind doing its usual thing, making you worry about things that most likely won't happen, even if it did, you know it wouldn't be your fault. You couldn't help but think maybe it would be though, it was a dumb thought but you couldn't help it

'What was that guys name again'

Your brain blanked for a second, random but ok, your brain goes back to the YouTube video your mom had been watching, that cashier was watching him as well. Dylan is in Trouble, you wonder what kind of videos he makes, most likely commentary. You pull your phone out glancing down and go to YouTube, you use the voice to text and hold your phone up to your mouth.

"Dylan is in trouble"

You press search, going back and forth between looking at your phone and watching the road. You look down to find his channel, press his icon, and scroll through some of his videos. Movie commentary is what you mostly see, occasionally you'd spot something different, you decided you'd dive into his channel later when you weren't driving.

Time: 5:00AM You were in the driver's seat, you had let your mom sleep more after she had been driving for about three hours. She was up now though, you could tell things were starting to catch up to her again. She was fidgeting a lot more now, well so were you, she looked very tense. She helped you find this apartment, but you assume she wants to see the neighborhood for herself, in person, wants to see how good the security is and what the neighbors are like. It's only natural, she's a mother and her only daughter is moving twenty hours away from her. You look down at your phone, your GPS says you are pulling up now, you look around the area, it was very nice, wasn't too far from the city. You spot the complex to the left, it was pretty big with multiple sections with apartments, you were building three, kind of in the middle of everything. You pull into the complex parking in front of the leasing office to speak to your landlord and to get your keys, your mom comes with you of course, sizing everything up.

"Hi welcome to Arts District Apartments, it's Amaya correct, my name is George?" An old-looking man stands from his desk, his hand reaching out to shake yours

"Thank you, George, it's Amoya actually" You reach out and shake his hand with a smile.

You two talk a bit about the complex and its rules etc. Your mom chimed in every now and then to ask her questions. Before you know it you're unloading the truck into your new apartment, you're realizing now that you didn't have as much stuff as you thought. The last thing you had left was your bed, you and your mom had been doing well with just the two of you, but after you two had gotten the mattress inside your mother's back began to bother her. Now you had your bed frame, you told your mom to relax for now and that you could get the frame up yourself. Partial lie, you previously took apart the bed frame and so there were mainly long pieces that weren't too heavy except the backboard, that thing was heavy as fuck, luckily you had a dolly at the storage building to help you carry it out, but now you have to carry it to the elevator and down the hall. You managed to get it down from the truck, and from there you lifted it and sped walked to the elevator, almost dropping the bed frame on your foot as you set it down to push the button. The doors had closed on you twice as you tried to pick the frame back up and lift it into the elevator, but alas you made it, now on the third floor and outside the elevator. You took pride in your body, you considered yourself strong, regularly went to the gym, and you would say your legs were the strongest part of your body, with that being said, you tried to make as little noise as possible since it was still early in the morning, you lost your footing. You were almost there, your door being right in front of you; but you fell. Landing on the door behind you hitting your head with a very loud thud.

"Bumbo." You whisper yelled at yourself in Jamaican as you set the frame down and leaned off of the door. (translation: Fuck)

Holding the frame upright you walk around it reaching for your door, the frame slipping from your fingers and falling against your neighbor's door again. You prayed that your new neighbor was either a very deep sleeper or wasn't home right now, though maybe you didn't pray hard enough. You lift the bed frame from your neighbor's door, getting your phone to get your mom to hold the door open for you so you can slide it the rest of the way inside. Stopping, you hear the door behind you click open. Your bed frame blocked your view of whoever had stepped out, but you could hear him.

Ch.1 - Ch.2

Updated Author note: Hopefully this was an enjoyable first chapter or part. The apartment is just a random apartment complex I saw on Zillow, everything in this is all fictional besides the YouTube videos and things that are obviously real. Anyway, I have decided to make this a series, I've gone into too much detail on little things like Amoya's intrusive thoughts and all that, and it'd be a waste to shorten and delete half of what I put and speed through everything, Amoya's intrusive thoughts and anxiety is a trait I added from myself, so you'll notice a lot of internal thinking and scenarios she makes up in her head. Hopefully, the idea is as cool as what I thought of in my head. If this does well, I will upload the other chapters one after the other, If it does bad I'll just delete everything, but please be patient I procrastinate a lot and I want the writing to be good. Please be honest and let me know how you all feel about this, if you like the writing, the main character, the pacing, the storyline, length, anything, and everything, I need criticism but don't be a bitch about it.

[lauronk]

been on vacation the last few days, and despite the fact that it hasn’t always been relaxing, i’ve gotten more writing done than i have in the last few weeks. made progress/starts on

if you can wait till i get home ch.3

three bthb fics (appendicitis, hiding an illness, and bleeding out)

jelly fic 2

two new alterations fics

a gthb fic (naps)

two ficlet prompts (sorry these have been taking me so long even though they’re supposed to be short)

two general fic ideas (hopefully one to be posted in the next month and the other who knows when)

honestly after having so much writers block the last few weeks/months, i was a little afraid i was never gonna be able to finish something ever again, at least not without lots of struggle. these last few days have been very reassuring

[catzz089]

I FINISHED MY DUTY AS UR WIFE AND HAVE READ WVERY OTHER WORK U HAVE POSTED!! i yapped so hard im so sorry. dont feel the need to read all this i just  wanted to give u running commentary and i didnt relise how many works of ur i have read! 10/10 i enjoyed 🩵

1: untill the end if time! AHHH YOUR YOU AND NOBODY CAN COMPETE WITH!!! WTF WOULD HAVE DIED IF I WAS CHARLES. lol also love the vibes that theyd only be ok if the other won the championship and no one else. AHH I WILL BE WITH U UNTIL U GET SICK OF ME OR THE SUN DIES!!! AHH THAT WAS SO GOOD!

2: And I cant breathe. lol cat dad icon! OHH WAIT IVE READ THIS LOL! awwwe carlos being such a good friend. if it happened again OK SO U HATE ME! ahh both of them in hospital i cantt :( defending max from all sides 💪 ohh including himself :( awwe a candle lit dinner. they will be fine 100%

3: from across the bar. lol a little bit egotistical charles. OH ive also already read this one lol. wow so it seems like u might be a little possessive charles. at least they are both as bad as each other lol. AHHH YES CHARLES GET UR MAN!! lol love Rico!! 

3: hit like a heatwave. Amen i hate qatar. AHHH MONACO BASED YOUTUBER WHO BEAT LEWIS HAMILTON IN EQUAL MACHINERY NICO ROSBERG MENTION!! i think we would all collectively loose our minds in max sat on charles lap. lol imagine christian horner and fred vassuer teaming up.  BURNT WATER??! is that possible? that was so sweet!!

4: ill cover it. ok charles check him out. so real give ur entire body king. pierre is so realll slow ur roll. i want to be max please let me finish my four year degree in 1 year please!! lol pierre and carlos are starting to feel like me when my friends have crushes. ahh there it is charles being insulted by french accusations. I ALSO AM A SUCKER FOR PEOPLE WITH TWO OR LESS BRAINCELLS!! YESS ANOTHER ROSBERG MENTION!! hes my fav too max! is it a sugar baby relationship if ur helping them graduate?? lol charles not being able to drive or park is iconic. the waist grab ahhh! ohhthe Italian and french! AHHH DANNY RIC!! nooo dont hate aussies :( AHHH CUDDLING!! yess GP! and so fair that you didnt know tyre was spelt that way. YES JEALOUS CHARLES!! NO PLEASE MAX! YOUR DADS A DICK TALK TO SOMEONE! yes thank you charles please fix him! And then they freaked lol iconic! 

5: when we locked eyes. wow it has been a hot minute since i read pierre and yuki. yes meeting ppl at uni so so hard. YOU HAVE SUCH A WAY OF DESCRIBING PEOPLE WHAT ITS SO GOOD!! lol yess yuki get what u want. awwwe cooking lessons. ahh so this and your other story are same universe how cool!! 🩵

HELLO???? HI???? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??

Wdym, oh I’m your wife now let me just go and casually read ALL OF YOUR WORKS????

WHAT!!!! ALL OF THEM?????????????????????

This is literally insane to me. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKJKKJ

1.my my, it’s been a long time since I even THOUGHT about that fic, most lovesick heartfelt fluffy fic I’ve EVERRRR wrote

2.Im SORRYYYYY it’s just so hard NOT to draw on past insecurities to create one big mess where nobody feels okay at all.

3. LMAO I’m glad you’ve liked some of the other fics before you liked me. It just seems like whenever I write Charles he has some minor, minor jealousy issues. (Rico supremacy)

4.I’ll cover it was my little baby, but now I’ve found a new one and I’ve moved on from it, but I really did enjoy playing around with it, I’m glad you liked reading it

5.Never written anything other than Lestappen, so tbh this one was a bit of a challenge for me (aside from my long, LONG forgotten fics which… yeah when I say they were bad, I really mean it) Yuki is unfortunately VERY good at getting what he wants

Just wanted to let you know I’m just about to go through ch.1 and fix up some mistakes, then I’ll fix up the new one and post it :)))

[orivaa-kun]

ride for me | chapter 3: go

ch. 1 | ch. 2

chapter word count: 16.3k warnings: mature (18+), drinking, drug use, smut, fluff, angst, feels pairings: Gojo Satoru x Fem OC, Geto Suguru x Fem OC, Gojo Satoru x Geto Suguru x Fem OC series summary: Lena Okamoto was emotionally estranged from her father—the CEO of Okamoto Group, a Tokyo-based, multi billion-dollar sports car manufacturing company—after her mother died due to a longterm, post-pregnancy related illness when she was a kid. Amidst her father’s misdirected blame for this, now 27, Lena is finally back in the city. She’s introverted and troubled by her past with her father and step-family, but hardworking and anxious to prove herself to everyone: that she can create the best cars for the Okamoto brand and the fastest engines for their Formula 1 cars. Satoru Gojo is the face of Gojo Industries—the corporation that practically owns Tokyo with its advanced tech that can be found all over the city. Unlike Lena in many ways, the confident and extroverted man leads a completely different, unblemished life—having basically had a spoiled upbringing, and the only trying aspect of his life being the sheer amount of his company responsibilities, obligations, and public appearances. When the two meet, both of their lives change completely. Will they be able to juggle their relationship, trying professional careers, family dynamics, and public image all at once? Sacrifices will have to be made.

It had to be around noon when I woke up from the nap I’d immediately taken after returning to my other home—I could tell from the way the light poured in through the floor-to-ceiling length picture windows alongside the back wall of it. I still occasionally had to reorient myself whenever I woke up in this room, especially as I’d just finished remodeling this side of the house weeks ago, but today I immediately knew exactly where I was upon waking—my mom’s old home in Yamanashi. The sun had pleasantly warmed up my cream-colored duvet and sheets, and much unlike most days, the piercing chime of my phone alarm hadn’t abruptly shaken me awake. It was nice. Maybe Yuko was right about taking more time off... 

I reached under one of my pillows and fished for my phone on the edge of my bed, flipping it over to reveal the actual time—11:48am. Close enough. I sorted through my email for a bit, checking on my shipping notifications for the house and discovering that the wood fire pizza oven was going to be delivered early this afternoon. It was a good thing I’d planned to spend the day here. 

 After responding to messages and aimlessly scrolling though my phone, I finally slipped out of bed, adjusting the white, teddy sleepwear tube top and long pants that had moved around a bit during my sleep. I was about to make my way to the kitchen, but the sound of the doorbell jolted me instead. I reached for my matching robe nearby, quickly fastening the sash around my waist before approaching the front door. The guys delivering the pizza oven were here already?

I opened the door to a tall man with red-dyed hair and wearing an all-black uniform with a tablet in his hand. His hair was tucked into a black cap, and I glanced behind him to see another man in the same uniform beginning to get out of a large truck, “Good morning.” I offered the red-haired man a polite smile.

“Hi. Are you Ms. Lena Okamoto?” He lifted his tablet, seemingly pulling up some sort of page on it.

“Yes. You two are here to deliver the pizza oven, right?”

“Pizza oven…? The man lifted a brow in confusion, “Um, no. We’re here to deliver the painting. Can you sign here, please?” He extended the tablet and attached pen to me.

My brows furrowed together, “Painting? I didn’t buy a painting…”

“It’s a gift from, uh,” The man checked the tablet again, seemingly surprised by the name he saw, “Satoru Gojo?? Shit, you know Satoru Gojo?!” He seemed surprised by the information, like he hadn’t checked the delivery information until now.

“Oh…” I blinked a few times and rubbed my temple, still waking up, “Right.” He did say there’d be a gift waiting for me when I woke up, “Yes, thank you.” A painting?

“Whoa, that’s awesome. Well, where would you like us to put it? It’s pretty heavy.” The red-haired man turned back to glance to the other man in uniform, who unlatched the back hatch of the truck to reveal a long, rectangular box wrapped with white, heavy-duty paper. It looked pretty big, almost as big as… No way. There was no way it could be that painting.

“Oh shit…” I muttered under my breath, in disbelief.

“What was that?” The man asked.

“Oh! Nothing, sorry, um…” I pushed the front door open wider, “Is there any way you two can bring it into my office in here?”

Less than 30 minutes later, I was staring blankly at the wall of my study, jaw practically on the floor as the two art installers mounted the exact Nakamura painting the from me and Satoru’s date yesterday at the art gallery—the modern piece that depicted a calm or storming ocean, depending on how one looked at it. I didn’t even want to think about what a painting like this would be worth… Yes, I did. I’d have to remember to call Yuko about it later. She was an art enthusiast, herself, and would definitely be able to estimate its price point. Was this supposed to be normal for rich boys like Satoru? Did he go around handing out expensive gifts to girls after every first date we went on?!

I slipped my phone out of my robe pocket, immediately beginning to text Satoru.

Though it was a shocking first date gift, the painting was something I wanted… I just thought it was something that would take me a few years to save up for—not one day of dating Satoru Gojo. But who knows if the painting would’ve still been on the market by then… Maybe I should just take the gift? It’s not like Satoru would miss the money, anyways. My heart was about to jump out of my chest. This piece alone was probably worth more than all nine of my sports cars combined!

I took a deep exhale and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to calm myself about the situation. I needed to tell Shoko and Yuko about this, like immediately.

~ 

The next morning, I didn’t wake up from my alarm but instead much earlier, before dawn at 4am, to the sound of my phone buzzing repeatedly. I grumbled and pouted, irritated from whoever or whatever was determined to wake me up so damn early. When I flipped my phone over, I discovered the hundreds of notifications—mostly from Instagram. My eyes went from narrowed to wide as I scrolled through, and I immediately sat up, turning on my bedside lamp before reading just a few of the thousand-plus comments that had been posted on a number of my recent posts. 

“don’t take pics with my man!!! 😤🤬” 

“There’s no way satoru gojo’s with a girl who’s barely even Japanese lol” 

“r u dating gojo????” 

“She looks like a uniqlo diversity model 🤣🤣🤣” 

“OMG I found her page!!” 

“back off he’s mineeee” 

“slut” 

The last comment sank heavily in my chest. Was this because I was dating Satoru?? I rapidly scrolled to the top of my page, rubbing my eyes in disbelief at the number of followers I saw. Just a few days ago it had to be around 409K... now it was... 893K?! Overnight?!! How did people find out about us in the first place? 

I exited the app, navigating my search engine. I began to type in my name, and immediately the first autocomplete read, “...and Satoru Gojo picture at docks.” I paused and sighed, roughly running a hand through my curls before reluctantly tapping the ‘search’ icon. And there it was, all over the image search results—Satoru and I pictured mid-kiss in front of the Tokyo Bay Yacht Club entrance. I fucking knew I’d heard the sound of a camera that morning. To top it off, my hair even looked kind of messy from the wind down by the docks. Satoru looked perfect, of course, and was in a full tailored suit compared to my slightly wrinkled, high waisted jeans and long coat that I’d worn the day before. 

After scrolling through a few of the image result photos, I realized that there was not one, but three photos circulating of us—one with Gojo kissing my fingers, one with him kissing my forehead, and one of us kissing each other. It was such an intimate moment... The comments were one thing, but the fact that some random paparazzi had intruded on this sweet moment between Satoru and I, it was off-putting, to say the least. I still remembered the feeling of the brisk wind on my cheeks, the way the cold morning air burned my nose red, and how Satoru’s lips had warmed me up. It was a private moment—one I wished had stayed as such. 

I navigated back to Instagram, tapping a completely different photo on my profile that had nothing to do with this paparazzi fiasco at all. It was one of the stills from my GQ shoot and article from a few months ago—a simple picture of me sitting on the track at sunset beside an older Okamoto model, dressed in a tight-fitting, full black and red leather (and more fashionable than functional) racing suit. What had once been ten or so comments from car fans and my friends was now over a hundred spam-like comments from people who were clearly obsessive fans of Satoru. 

“Is she like a tomboy or something?” 

“ur not even gojo’s type” 

“idk she’s kinda cute!” 

“Oof looks like Gojo is in his hafu phase 🥴 don’t worry GojoGirlies it’ll be over soon 🤣” 

“all of you are just hating b/c she’s tan smh” 

“Why is she even dressed like that if she really makes cars? Seems fake” 

“it’s from a GQ shoot, not a car factory u idiot.” 

“smash” 

I navigated to the search bar, half-typing in the name of a popular Tokyo gossip and entertainment news account—@thesorceryroom. Of course, when I tapped the profile, I saw that there were already four different posts on me and Satoru. What the hell did they even have to go on about us? All we did was kiss!  

Without a second thought, I immediately pulled up Satoru’s contact and hit the call icon, bringing my phone to my ear and biting my lip stressfully as I impatiently waited for him to pick up. It wasn’t until I heard his voice upon answering that it fully dawned on me how early in the morning it was, “Hey, Lena. You’re up early.” Satou noted, voice far from groggy or sleep-ridden... Was he already awake? 

“Oh! Uh, hey... Sorry, Satoru, did I wake you?” I suddenly felt way more nervous. 

“Nah, I’ve been up for a bit working. How about you, though? Everything okay?” He questioned, clearly curious to why I’d called him at 4am. 

“Um...” I trailed off, voice a bit uneasy, “Sorry for calling this early, it’s just my phone’s been blowing up so I woke up, and then I just had to call you when I saw what’s happening online...” I rambled, beginning to slide out of bed and pace around my bedroom. 

“What’s happening online?” Satoru asked, sounding completely clueless. 

“Uh, the pictures? There’s pictures floating around the internet of us kissing in front of the yacht club yesterday morning...” I explained. He didn’t know?  

“Oh, there are? Huh.” Satoru didn’t sound phased by this information at all. 

“And it’s blowing up online! There’s like, thousands of people stalking my page and dropping random comments on my old posts about it. Just random shit about us, and there’s some wacky shit directed to me, specifically!” I rubbed the back of my neck anxiously as I paced. 

“Damn, I didn’t expect this would happen this soon...” 

“You expected it??” I couldn’t help but raise my voice a little bit. Would’ve been nice to get a little heads up... 

“Well, yes and no. To be honest, I don’t usually date so publicly. The last time I did, many years ago, stuff like this happened all the time.” 

“Couldn’t you at least have warned me or something beforehand...?” I’m sure my tone sounded a little frustrated. I was trying to keep my composure about the situation and hear Satoru out, but it didn’t really seem like he empathized with what I was going through at all... 

“Sorry, Lena, it was the furthest thing from my mind.” Satoru’s tone sounded sincere, but I still felt thrown off from this whole situation, “But, don’t think about that, babe. Just ignore them.” 

I turned my face a bit at his response—as if it was that simple to let go of the countless things people were saying about you, “Satoru, it’s not that easy... I mean, have you seen all the shit people are saying about me? There’s gotta be damn near a thousand comments!” 

“Oh, I haven’t been on social media since high school. My publicist handles my accounts. I learned pretty early that shit really starts to mess with your head if you’re on it for too long.” Satoru sounded a bit aloof, even over the phone, like he was talking to an interviewer and not the girl he was dating. 

I was confused, “Okay, but I don’t have a publicist, or an assistant. I handle my own accounts.” I was starting to get irritated now, “I didn’t have the luxury of having one—especially when I was fresh out of high school and my dad no longer legally had to support me. I had to scrape to market myself, find jobs on my own and work my way up in the car manufacturing industry... It wasn’t until recently that I was able to afford to streamline some of the work I do, and social media’s never been an issue for me, well, not until now.” 

There was a short pause, and then I heard Satoru take a breath before speaking, “Wait—I’m sorry, Lena. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that my mind’s kinda split this morning with this project I’ve been... Never mind that. I apologize. I should’ve mentioned that something like this might happen, and taken the steps to get ahead of it.” He exhaled, “How’s this; why don’t we meet for lunch today to talk some more? I can even come to you, if you don’t have much time.” 

I inhaled deeply, trying to calm my nerves; Satoru’s apology had helped cool me off some, “Okay. Yeah, lunch would be good.” I finally stopped pacing, moving my hand that wasn’t holding my phone to my forehead to swoop my hair back, “There’s some things we should talk about, I guess.” I trapped the corner of my lower lip between my teeth at the sort of uncomfortable air around our current conversation. There were definitely some things I wanted to ask him, at the very least. Like why was Satoru suddenly so okay with dating publicly after meeting me? 

“Alright, then.” Satoru said conclusively. 

There was a long silence that followed, neither of us sure of what to say next. But the obvious thought remained. We shouldn’t’ve had to deal with all this after only one freaking date. 

“Look, Lena, I really like you. And I don’t wanna fuck this up. Let’s talk and get this situation cleared up so we can go back to having fun and getting to know one another, ‘kay?” 

“Okay.” I finally managed a small smile, taking another deep breath. 

“As far as social media—maybe mute the apps for today. I’ll get a social strategist from my team to look into the situation and see how we can go about protecting your accounts.” 

I began to protest, “Oh you don’t have to do that—” 

“I insist.” Satoru cut in, “As long as you’re dating me, you shouldn’t have to worry about handling these things by yourself. You shouldn’t have to worry at all, about anything, really.” 

And there he was, the sweet Satoru whose words and actions made me blush and my heart flutter... I sat down on the end of my bed, nudging my toes into the soft, plush rug beneath my feet, “...Okay.” I finally agreed, a small smile on my face. 

“Now, get some rest, Lena. Sorry that all of this disturbed your sleep.” 

“It’s fine.” There was a part of me that wished I could fall back asleep in Satoru’s arms, like I had last night, “You should get some sleep, too!” 

“It’s alright, I’ve got some work to do for this project this morning. Plus, I don’t need to sleep much, anyways.” 

“If you say so.” Though I wasn’t nearly as straight-forward as Satoru when it came to expressing feelings, I wanted to make him feel wanted, too. My smile grew into a warm smirk before I spoke again, “Well, I’m looking forward to seeing you at lunch...” I aimlessly fiddled with the duvet on my bed. 

“Yeah?” I heard Satoru’s tone soften considerably, his smile practically audible through the way he’d asked the word alone, “I’m glad to hear it. I’m always excited to see you.” Just like that, he one-upped me so effortlessly. 

I giggled to his words and the sexual implications of them, seeing as I’d already had a few run-ins with Satoru’s hard-on. 

“Hey...! Get your mind outta the gutter. I meant that in a nice, respectable way.” Satoru said matter-of-factly. 

I laughed and teased back, “You said it first!” 

“Well, maybe not just respectable...” Satoru trailed off, but then suddenly tore himself from his own line of thought, “Alright, that’s it. Goodbye, Lena, before you get me worked up.” 

“Night, Satoru.” My laugh lowered back into a giggle. 

“Goodnight, beautiful.” 

~ 

Since the internet had woken me up before sunrise, I’d decided to head into Okamoto’s HQ early as well, and was grateful for the bit of peace and quiet the near-empty building provided—outside of the occasional custodian staff member who would simply greet me.

But now closer to 9am, the more my production and mechanic team members entered the office, the more of them asked me about the Satoru situation. How the hell had everyone found out so fast, anyways? Was there a city-wide alert or something?? Okay, I was exaggerating in my thoughts, but this attention was still ridiculous. You’d think I was running for fucking prime minister.

I was currently tucked behind the desktop computer monitors in my office, following up on emails from the carbon fiber manufacturing group in Kyoto to ask them questions about the material specifics and safety. I suddenly saw Jin walk by the glass door in his racing mechanics suit—probably headed to the vehicle production building.

“Morning, Lena.” He opened the door and poked his head into my office, an amused look on his face.

“Hey, Jin.” I kept focused on and typed away on my keyboard, still a little overwhelmed from this whole dating rumor situation.

“You’re dating Satoru Gojo?” Jin’s amused look grew into an intrigued smirk. This was at least the seventh time I’d gotten the question in the last hour.

“Oh my god, not you, too…” I paused in my typing to drop my face into my hands, releasing a sigh.

“And you didn’t tell me??” He grinned, obviously interested in the gossip.

“One date! We only went on one date, okay…?!” I sat back up to exclaim, exasperated.

Jin raised his hands, “Hey, I’m just telling you what I heard! Wait, was that why you were almost late to the test drive a few days ago?”

“No!” I quickly replied, then actually thought aloud for a moment, “Well, not really…”

“Ooo, Lena…!” Jin teased me, grade-school style, “You better be careful hanging around big shot rich boys like that.” He chuckled, beginning to walk away from my office door, “Then again, it might just be good PR for Okamoto Group!”

I groaned dramatically and dropped my forehead onto the flat of my desk, “Ugh, leave me alone!”

“See you at the production status meeting later!”

I sighed for what felt like the millionth time this morning, suddenly feeling my phone buzz in my pocket. I reluctantly retrieved it from my mechanic suit pocket, eyes widening to the Instagram direct message notification on my screen.

Francesco De Luca… my ex, and the Lamborghini Chief Designer I’d met almost five years ago at a F1 race on England’s Knockhill track. It was back when I was on the Ferrari team, still working my way up the mechanics and design ranks and making a name for myself in the industry.

I hadn’t heard from him in two years, not since the day he’d broken up with me when I told him I was returning to Tokyo. He’d let anger take over him after I told him the news, and had brushed off our two and a half years together like it was nothing. Needless to say, I was heartbroken for months; but I eventually had to move on and took it as my sign to start over at home in Tokyo. No dating, no boyfriends, no nothing—just work. I was turned off and frightened by the idea of dating, in fact. Well, until Satoru had randomly dropped himself into my life, that was.

Why was he DMing me on Instagram? I opened the message.

Though I’d finally managed to get over him a year ago, his message still made my stomach sink. What. The. Fuck. What the hell was wrong with men?! Why did they always love to pop up, as soon as you moved on to someone new??!? There was no questioning it. He’d definitely heard the news online about me and Satoru. I wanted to curse him out—for this bullshit, and for everything he’d done to me. For never answering any of my calls, for abandoning me when I was so anxious about returning home, even though I was excited for the big, new position at my family’s company. For brushing me off and erasing me from his life like we hadn’t been together for nearly three years. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!!!

I didn’t even realize I hadn’t blocked him on my socials. I typed back my brief reply before hitting the block button, somehow managing to hold back all the fire and anger I was more than ready to hurl his way.

~ 

Now 12:01pm, I strode into the restaurant just a few blocks down from the Okamoto headquarters—a steakhouse named Gyushi that normally was buzzing with business professionals from the surrounding buildings at this time. I now wore a taupe blazer that had pronounced shoulder pads and accentuated my shape, and a matching miniskirt with black sheer tights underneath. My curls were fastened up in a high braided ponytail, and my small black stilettos lightly clacked against the black and white marble floor when I walked in. It was then I realized that the restaurant was completely empty. Shit—were they closed today? Then why was the door open? 

A shorter man in uniform approached me just then, “Ms. Okamoto?” 

“Yes.” 

“Welcome to Gyushi. Mr. Gojo is already here. Allow me to escort you to your table.” 

“Oh, thank you.” I nodded, curving up the corners of my lips in a polite smile. 

I looked around the western style steakhouse as I followed the man through the front and towards the back; I’d never seen it this empty before... Were they remodeling? We made our way through the spacious restaurant, and eventually I spotted the head of white hair at a plush booth in the center of the back area—an area of the place which I’d never seen, let alone eaten in. Normally I could only grab a seat at the bar in the front for lunch; and trying to book a reservation for dinner? Forget about it. 

The man in uniform bowed his head once we arrived at the booth, “A waiter will come by shortly to get your drink order, and anything else you’d like to start with. Please enjoy.” 

“Thank you.” I matched the man’s small bow, then turned my attention to Satoru who was already standing up, “Hey, you.” My smile grew when my eyes met his. I looked him over once, appreciating the tailored fit of his navy blue and thin white striped suit as I approached him. 

“Hey, Lena, you look great.” Satoru’s eyes traced over my body as well, smirking. He opened his arms, and I joined him in a tight hug, watching him bend down to plant his usual, quick peck on my cheek. Satoru kept his arms locked around my waist but backed up his head a bit to get a better look at me, “You doing okay?” His thumbs rubbed over the fabric at my lower back. 

“I mean, crazy morning but yeah, I’m managing.” I said a bit dramatically yet truthfully, smiling up at Satoru. 

Satoru grumbled low and playfully, eyes moving up from my lips to meet my gaze again, “Hm, I’d rather you were relaxing.” 

I giggled lightly, “It’s fine.” I made a bold move, for me, and stretched up to press a small kiss to Satoru’s cheek. 

Satoru’s eyes softened and he responded by bending down and pressing his lips to mine in a long kiss. He always seemed to one-up me when it came to sweet gestures—even in this romantic way, he was competitive and could never just let me win. 

We sat down in the booth after we pulled apart, and my eyes flickered to the menu before me on the table. I’d only ever seen the short list of lunch specials, not the full menu. 

“You been here before?” Satoru asked, picking up his menu opposite me and skimming through it. 

“Yeah, for lunch. Crazy, it’s usually packed to the brim around this time of day...” I trailed off, looking around the wide-open dining area, “I wonder why it’s empty.” 

Satoru gently placed his menu back down and met my gaze with his own, “The place is ours for the next hour.” He clarified, “I wanted to make sure we could talk privately without anyone butting in—especially with all the media buzz around us this morning.” He said so simply, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. 

“Oh...!” I said, eyes slightly widened in surprise. He reserved the entire steakhouse for us?? With only a few hours' notice?! I was just really starting to see the breadth of the Gojo family’s influence. I mean I’d been trying to get a dinner reservation here for the past two years with no luck! 

Satoru quirked a brow, curious to the expression on my face, “Is that alright?” 

I quickly nodded over and over, still a little shocked, “Oh, yes, of course!” Act cool, Lena. I settled back into the comfy leather booth, picking up my tall menu card to hide my blushing. My eyes scanned through the long list of starters and entrees with no prices. 

“You want anything to start?” Satoru asked and I slid my menu down, so my eyes peeked over the top. 

“Um, I don’t know, everything looks so good.” I finally placed my menu back down on the table when my cheeks no longer felt as warm, biting the inside of my lip. 

“I’m pretty hungry.” Satoru noted, “If I got the chilled grand plateau for two, would you share it with me?” 

My eyes spotted the appetizer on the menu; it was a chilled platter with lobster tails, grilled clams, shrimp cocktail and oysters on the half shell. I gulped at the sound of it all. Seafood was my favorite food, “Yeah, that looks delicious. I’d have some.” I said calmly, trying to hide my excitement. 

“What do you like to drink here?” Satoru continued to scan his menu, flipping it over to check out the cocktails. 

“Well, I usually don’t since I’ve only come for lunch and typically have to go back to work after, but the highball spritzer mocktail is yummy.” 

“Sounds good to me.” Just as Satoru spoke, a waitress with short black hair approached our booth. 

“Hi, I’m Mai. I’ll be your server for today.” Her face looked strangely familiar... Almost like Maki Zenin, the young F1 driver who’d shown quite some promise over the past year, “Can I start you with anything?” She turned to Satoru first. 

“We’ll start with the grand plateau, and two highball spritzers. Thank you.” 

The girl nodded once and started to move back towards the kitchen. 

Gojo turned his attention back to me, “So, how are you really doing, since this morning? Any updates?” 

“Uh, well, nothing too crazy since I muted the apps—just a few friends and people I work with texting, calling, and asking me about it.” I rubbed my hands together, then neatly interlocked my fingers on the table in front of me. My ex, too. I thought, but Satoru didn’t need to know all that. 

Satoru hummed, half-frowning, “I’m sorry this happened like this. I should’ve known better.” He shook his head to himself, “I guess it’d been so long since I’d dated, let alone publicly, I wasn’t even thinking about that.” 

“It’s ok—it's not like you’re the one who posted the pictures everywhere. When is the last time you dated?” I asked, curious. 

Satoru crossed his arms over his chest, thoughtfully, “Like, seriously tried to pursue someone? Maybe... three years ago?” 

“Wow, that is a long time.” My eyes widened to Satoru’s revelation. It was longer than me. If that was true, then I could definitely understand him forgetting about his obsessive fanbase and the nature of celebrity gossip in Tokyo. 

“It’s not like I haven’t done other things in the meantime, but yeah, the last time I seriously dated someone was years ago.” 

“Why’s that? And what do you mean by other things?” I asked, clueless. I picked up the glass of water closest to me and began to take a sip. 

Satoru shrugged, “Just no time, really. Or, maybe unconsciously I was too focused on work and didn’t want to make time for it. And by ‘other things’ I mean casual sex.” 

I nearly choked on my water but cleared my throat instead, taking a quick sip from my glass before setting it back down. Of course he was sexually active. Of course that was what he meant by ‘other things,’ “Oh... right.” I nodded. 

Satoru watched me with intrigue, the corners of his mouth just barely curving upwards, “What about you? When’s the last time you dated?” 

“Two years ago. It was before I moved back here.” I explained, playing with the stem of my water glass. 

Satoru cocked his head to one side, arms still crossed, “Relationship?” I nodded in response to his question. He swiftly asked another, “Did you love him?” 

I blinked a few times to the intimate nature of the question, a bit thrown off guard, “Uh, yeah. I don't think he did, though…” I said honestly, “Did you... love the last person you dated?” I looked back up at Satoru. 

He simply shook his head, “It was someone my parents wanted for me, so it didn’t work out.” 

I nodded, unable to help biting my lip at the silence that followed the last of Satoru’s words. I finally spoke up, remembering what I wanted to say, “Can I ask you something?” 

“Of course.” Satoru said, unfolding his thick arms and gently resting them on the table. 

“Why are you okay with dating me publicly, but not the other girls you dated in the past?” I wanted to know his reasoning. Why was he okay with being seen with me, and why was he initially incognizant of how people and the media would react? 

Satoru leaned over the table, extending his hand to me. In response, I reached forward to place my hand in his. He really was the touchy type—I wouldn’t be surprised if his top love language was physical touch. Well, nearly every man’s top love language was. Was Satoru touchy, or was I just unused to all of this? Some part of me had a feeling it was mostly the latter. We were dating, after all; the only difference was, he was used to more intimate touching, while I hadn’t done it in two years. 

Satoru smiled at me admiringly as he spoke, “Lena, you’re smart... beautiful... kind... and you care about your work, just as much as I care about my own. I’m okay with dating you publicly, because you’re the woman I want to be seen with. No offense to the others I’ve dated and been unsure about, and I know things are still fresh and new between us, but I know that much—that I haven’t met anyone like you before.” Satoru paused, “Sorry I didn’t say all of this before, but I don’t think I even consciously knew how I felt until I really thought about it this morning. It’s only been four days since we met, after all.” He grinned. 

“Yeah,” I exhaled, smile growing, “it feels like it’s been much longer.” I admitted, propping my free arm up on the table to rest my chin in my palm. I slid my hand up to cover my mouth and cheeks, already blushing again. 

“Glad I’m not alone.” Satoru mirrored my expression, blue eyes softening as he gazed over me. His fingers began to gently knead at mine, “You shouldn’t hide your face so much, you know.” He added, and his voice sounded completely different, like there was no one else in this restaurant but us. 

I allowed my hand that was covering my lips and cheeks to slip back down to the white tablecloth, bashfully revealing my face once more. Just then, or waitress returned with our drinks. We let go of each other’s hands, giving the girl room to place our mocktails on the table, “Two highball spritzers... And your appetizer will be out soon.” She nodded once and departed again. 

“Thank you.” I smiled at her, while Satoru still kept his eyes on me. I wondered what he was thinking about? From the look in his eyes, it wasn’t anything family friendly. I took a sip of my mocktail, and Satoru did the same. 

“This is pretty good.” He noted, looking down at the glass, “Almost tastes like soda. Oh—” He seemed to remember something, “there’s a publicist I want you to meet; she’s a social media expert, too. Name’s Nobara Kugisaki. We briefly chatted earlier, but it seems like the situation on your social accounts is something she can easily fix by deleting and limiting comments from people you aren’t following. She had some more recommendations, too. If you want, I could give her your info...” 

“Yeah, that’s... probably a good idea.” I fidgeted with my fingers for a moment, “That would be great. Thanks, Satoru.” 

“You’re the Style VP of one of the biggest luxury sports car companies in the country, let alone world—you should have a publicist. Geez, I can’t imagine all the work you’ve had to do on your own these past few years.” Satoru smiled, shaking his head. 

“Yeah, sifting through media opps on my own has taken a lot more time since I got my role, almost feels like a job on its own, sometimes.” 

“That’s because it is.” Satoru pulled out his phone and began to tap around before typing something, “I’m sending her your number. She should give you a call later today so you can connect on next steps.” 

“Thanks, Satoru, for doing all this...” I smiled over at him, and he looked up from his phone to wink at me. 

 “Of course, babe. It’s the least I can do.” He paused, continuing to type out a message before seemingly hitting send and locking his phone again, “Now, with that settled... We still on for our date this weekend?” Satoru grinned. 

I rolled my eyes playfully, “Oh my god, you and this date!” I smiled and shook my head, “Yes, we’re still on.” 

Satoru silently cheered to himself, then responded, “Anything you’re in the mood for?” 

“Well, I did just get this outdoor pizza oven at my place in Yamanashi... Wanna come over and test it out? Plus, I’d really like to look at my new Nakamura painting there some more...” I trailed off, alluding to the piece he’d bought me on our first date; even though its insane cost of 521 million yen was nothing to Satoru, it meant a lot to me. 

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it so much.” Satoru smiled sincerely, before taking another sip of his mocktail, “Would rather you were looking at me though.” He winked before taking another sip. 

I rolled my eyes, dropping my face into my hands dramatically, “You and these cheesy fucking lines... Stop it!” I laughed. 

~ 

Later that week, on Friday night to be specific, I made sure to take off work exactly at six so I could grab a few things from the grocery store before heading to grandpa’s place: apple cider, cinnamon sticks, and barrel-aged whisky—the three main components of his favorite fall time cocktail. After a day of reviewing the new Okamoto model’s safety checks with the legal team at work, I’d changed out of my usual business clothes and into a comfy, myrtle green, silk midi skirt and a slightly lighter mock neck sweater. 

When I arrived at grandpa’s, I pulled into the short driveway. Even with all of his wealth, not only as the past CEO of Okamoto group but as a retired F1 driver himself, grandpa was never one to live grandly. He enjoyed simplicity, saving money, fine-tuning his cars in the garage, and enjoying the retired life in his tight-knit neighborhood’s community. I parked my sky blue, 1968 Lamborghini Miura S and hopped out with my tote bag of cocktail supplies slung over my shoulder, fishing for my key to grandpa’s place as I shut the heavy car door behind me. 

“Grandpa, I’m home!” I called from the entryway when I opened his front door, quirking a brow upwards when I didn’t hear a reply, “Grandpa...?” Maybe he was in the garage? I walked down the hall and towards the kitchen, breathing a little sigh of relief when I heard the familiar metal clink of a tire rim coming from the room just behind it. I dropped my bags on the countertop and headed towards the stream of warm light pouring out from the open door to the garage. It was a big, open space—perhaps larger than the rest of the house combined. It was a ten-car garage with all the tools, gear, and vintage tech a car nerd could dream of. I spotted him in a small folding chair beside the front passenger tire, fastening a lug nut onto it. I furrowed my brows in concern, “Grandpa...! You’re not supposed to be bending like that!” I put my hands on my hips, disapprovingly. 

“Hey, Lena-chan—perfect timing!” He stood from his seated and bent position next to the tire, a long, metal lug nut wrench in his hand, “Help your old man out, would you?” 

I pouted as I approached my grandfather, but hugged him tight, regardless, “Hi, grandpa. You should’ve waited for me to get here! The doctor told you not to strain your back, you know.” I reminded him, offering him an accusatory point before retrieving the wrench from his hand. He was a few inches shorter than me with short gray hair and a small beer belly, and he currently wore an old, slightly oily mechanic’s jumpsuit. I hiked my skirt up a little, and moved the chair away from the old, cherry-colored 1971 Okamoto H7 model as I didn’t need it. I knelt on one knee and tightly fastened the remaining lug nut before checking and tightening the ones on the other tires, “Did you fasten all of these by yourself??” 

“I’m fine, Lena-chan. Your grandpa’s not that old!” The man laughed heartily, and the way his deep dimples and wrinkles curved up into a full-face smile made my heart warm. No matter where I found myself, if I was away from home then I was always missing him. 

I pointed the long end of the wrench in my grandpa’s direction, “If you don’t take it easy, I’m gonna change the locks to your garage!” My pout grew. 

Grandpa raised his hands in surrender, “Okay, okay! I promise to take it easy. Now, more importantly, did you bring the goodies?” He clasped his hands together with a grin. 

“Mhm, all the ingredients for our special cider!” I nodded, putting the wrench back in its place on a nearby worktable. I wiped my hands off with a rag that rested on the corner of it. 

"Let’s get to it, then!” 

A little later, we sat on the couch in front of the western style fireplace with mugs of spiked apple cider in our hands. Remote in his free hand, Grandpa flipped through the various movie channels on the TV that was mounted up above the fire. He passed through various movie channels but paused when I rested my head on his shoulder, tired and already feeling the alcohol settle throughout my body. I realized that I hadn’t drank in a while, and that I was exhausted—even after a half-week of work, “Grandpa? Can I stay here for the night?” I nudged his shoulder with my cheek. 

Grandpa put the remote down on his lap and wrapped his arm around me, eyes currently fixed on an old western movie that played on the large screen before us, “Of course you can stay. It’s your home.” He stroked my hair with his hand, and I put my mug down on the coffee table before us to wrap my arms around him comfortably. 

Before I’d gone to boarding school for high school, Grandpa’s place had become a real home to me since I was a kid. I’d found myself in constant fights with my dad and stepfamily growing up, so much so that grandpa decided to take me in. Grandpa had been there when my nightmares were at their worst, too, always there to scoop me up into his arms and soothe me back to sleep after the painful memories of losing my mom and of my father’s fits of anger tormented me. Grandpa was the closest thing I had to a dad. In fact, after legally being my guardian for some time, teaching me everything he knew, and caring for me when no one else would, he truly was. 

Grandpa put his mug down on the table next to mine and picked up the remote again, continuing to scroll through the channels until he passed a local celebrity news channel—the image of Satoru and I kissing plastered all over the big screen. I jumped upright and made a noise of surprise at the image on the local channel, jaw dropping to the sight of a celebrity news reporter talking about the situation. 

“-the steamy picture seems to have been taken in front of the Tokyo Bay Yacht Club, and features Okamoto Group Chief Designer and VP of Style, Lena Okamoto, mid-kiss with Satoru Gojo. Gojo fans all over the internet have buzzing about these photos, primarily wondering if this is Tokyo's most eligible bachelor’s new girlfriend. What do you think? Tweet us your thoughts at—” 

“Agh!!” I reached over and clicked the channel button in grandpa’s hand, quickly flipping it to some variety TV show on the one following. 

I looked over at grandpa, then threw my face into my hands, embarrassed. Even without looking, I could feel his direct eyes on me. He was silent for a moment, then suddenly spoke up, “You think I haven’t heard about you and the Gojo kid?” He asked simply. 

I sat up again, dropping my hands to my lap and returning my gaze to grandpa, “You... you know about this?” 

“It’s all everyone’s been talking to me about.” Grandpa scoffed out a quick laugh, “You wouldn’t believe the people who’ve called to ask me about that in the past few days...” He trailed off. 

“People have been asking you about it??” I suddenly felt anxious. 

“Just some old connections, and friends from Okamoto Group.” He crossed his arms over his chest, “You think ‘cause I’m old I don’t keep up with the latest news? You two are quite the talk of the city right now.” 

I groaned and leaned back into the sofa, allowing my head to roll back on it so that I was looking up at the ceiling, “This is crazy...!” 

“I was just wondering when you were going to tell me about this. You used to always talk to me about your boyfriends and such.” He half-frowned, seemingly disappointed about being left out of the loop—except I’d never intended him to be. Things were just too new with Satoru! 

I straightened up once more, looking at grandpa, “That’s because he’s not even my boyfriend! We’ve only been on one date! Of course, I would’ve told you if it was serious.” 

Grandpa retrieved his mug from the table, “Well, you already know what I have to say about it. I don’t care who the guy is; if he hurts you, then I have to kill him.” He simply shrugged before taking a long swig of spiked cider. 

I rolled my eyes and laughed once, “Oh my god, grandpa... Please be serious.” 

“What do you mean? I’m completely serious.” Grandpa blinked, having said the words without emotion. 

Grandpa simply stared at me, and I, back at him. Then, we abruptly busted out laughing. 

He placed his hand on my shoulder as our laughing died down, “But Lena-chan, I know how you can get about these sorts of things. I know you’re an introverted person, and this situation with the Gojo kid is probably a shock for you, but you can’t let these people get to you. People will always want something or someone to gossip about. It’s up to you to live your life confidently without any reservations. The best thing you can do in these kinds of situations, situations where it seems like everyone has something to say, is to be successful—to be your very best self.” 

I nodded to grandpa’s words, staring aimlessly into the space before me after he finished talking to think for a moment. Then I turned back to him, “But what about the board? What if all this news impacts my job?” 

“Something this small?” Grandpa crossed his arms again and shook his head, “It won’t. If anything, all this talk about you is good for the business. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw a spike in vehicle sales soon. Trust me, people much higher in leadership have given our family company far worse press.” 

I knew exactly who he was talking about. Toji. Though Toji was undefeated in his business endeavors whenever he actually was working, his issues were the situations he found himself in after working hours, “That’s true.” I agreed, reaching over to retrieve my cup once more to take a sip. 

“So, when am I going to meet Satoru Gojo?” 

“Grandpa!” 

“What?? I just want to give him a stern talking-to.” 

I shook my head, laughing softly, “Don’t try to scare him off yet, we’ve only had one date! I’ll bring him over and introduce him only when we’re serious... If things become serious, that is.” 

“If he can’t take the heat then he’s no good for you anyways.” Grandpa shrugged, “But seriously, Lena-chan, as long as he treats you like the princess you are, then he’s alright with me.” He nodded with finality, then cleared his throat, “But if he hurts you, I’ll kill him.” 

“Grandpa!” I guffawed. 

~ 

 The following night I found myself diligently organizing pizza ingredients into small bowls on my long kitchen island, my homemade pizza dough already portioned out, proofed, and stretched over two personal sized pizza pans for Satoru and me. I kept the toppings fairly simple: marinara, fresh mozzarella, basil, tomatoes, prosciutto, chicken, caramelized onions, and grated parmesan. I’d popped a bottle of dry red sangiovese for myself, and even managed to find a sweet, non-alcoholic red for Satoru from a specialty bar in Yamanashi.

I’d checked the entire house at least four times by now, making sure that there were a few scented candles lit around the wide living room and kitchen area, and that the old record player was lowly buzzing and crackling with jazz music from my Italian grandma’s favorite—the Live John Coltrane Newport ’63 album. Everything was in its place, or, as much as it could be, seeing as the renovations on the back deck were still a work in progress. I took a long sip of sangiovese to calm my nerves, swirling the remaining liquid around in my wine glass after and biting my bottom lip. I couldn’t help but be a bit nervous. I hadn’t organized a date in years, let alone invited a man to my place in Yamanashi before. Maybe, in that way, I was a lot like Satoru when it came to his favorite boat. But it was a cozy date at my house, and my period had ended a few days ago, now, so… What if we ended up having se—

The sound of the doorbell jolted me from my thoughts, and I put my glass down on the countertop before making my way toward the front entrance in a maxi, light sepia lounge dress and long taupe cardigan that were both soft to the touch. I smoothed out the material one last time before opening the door with a smile, “Hi.”

“Hey, Lena.” Satoru leaned coolly against the entryway with his arm propped up above him, wearing a brown, knitted crewneck sweater with a simple white t-shirt underneath, and loose-fitting, dark brown, and pleated corduroy trousers with black tabi boots. He had a huge and carefully arranged bouquet of white orchids in his hand that he extended to me, “These are for you. They say orchids are good for new homes, and I thought that since you’re renovating the place…”

“Oh my god, thank you, Satoru! I love white flowers.” My smile grew as he passed me the bouquet and I took a deep inhale, “Come in!”

I embraced Satoru in a hug after he slipped off his boots in the genkan area by the door, stretching up on my tip toes to press a kiss to his cheek. He hugged me and pecked my cheek back in return, pausing to appreciate the fabric of my lounge dress after doing so, “Oh, this is nice… I like it.” Satoru rubbed up and down my back and sides with an intrigued hum and I giggled to his exploring hands.

“Thank you. You look handsome, too.” I smiled sweetly, and we finally broke apart, “You want a little tour before we make pizzas?”

“Absolutely.”

“Oh, let me put these in some water first.” I walked back toward the kitchen, fetching the pair of green stem trimmers out of a drawer in the kitchen island, and a large ceramic vase from a cabinet underneath the sink. I set all of the supplies on the table and turned back to Satoru to find him sitting down on one of the highchairs on the opposite side of island counter, “Want something to drink? There’s…” I picked up the unopened specialty bottle I’d gotten for Satoru to jog my memory, “a non-alc, sweet red wine, if you wanna try some.”

“Thanks, babe, you didn’t have to get a special bottle for me. But yeah, I’d love some.”

“I’m part Italian, you know. My mom and grandma would turn in their graves if I served you pizza without any wine.” I opened the twist cap and poured out a small serving into the bulbous, wide rimmed glass that matched mine, sliding it across the granite counter for Satoru to try, “Let me know what you think.”

Satoru poked his nose into the opening of the glass to take a light sniff, then took a small sip and paused before quickly downing the rest of the bit of liquid. He set the glass back down, “Damn, that’s good… Tastes like juice!”

“I’m glad you like it.” I smiled, before pouring him a more generous serving. I moved on to the orchids after, filling the vase with a little water then beginning to trim each of the thick ends of the flowers’ stems.

“How was your day so far?” Satoru asked before taking another sip of his drink.

“Pretty good, just was getting the house ready for this.” I clipped the end of a stem at the end of my words.

“All day?” Satoru rose a brow.

“Mhm, there’s been a lot of construction here over the past few months, so there was a lot of dust and stuff to clean up.”

“You don’t have to do all that for me.” Satoru said with a slightly contradicting, pleased smirk.

“Satoru, I’m not bringing you or anyone into a dirty house—which was why I was so caught off guard by the painting you sent me earlier this week. I mean, thankfully my study’s been in good condition, but still…” I shook my head, thinking of the crazy price point on that first date gift yet again, “But I love it, so thank you.” I said the last part with an endearing tone.

“You’re very welcome, Lena.” Satoru matched my tone but with a much lower voice.

“What about you? How was your day?” I continued snapping away at the ends of the flowers, curling my mouth a bit as I struggled with one particular stem that felt hard as steel.

“It was good, did a little work then—” Satoru was cut off when I finally trimmed the end of one of the orchids; the piece of stem immediately went flying in the air and hit him square in the forehead, “Ow.”

Though it had been a complete accident, I couldn’t help the deep, honest laugh that followed when I saw the small red mark on Satoru’s head. I even pointed in his direction as I guffawed.

Satoru stood to his feet, beginning to grin, “Oh you think that’s funny?” He started to approach me, walking around the kitchen island, “You think that’s funny, Lena?” Satoru easily grabbed and lifted me up, nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck to gently nibble at my skin there, “Attacking people with flower stems??”

“No…!” I giggled out with a big smile, nearly out of breath from laughing so much, “I didn’t mean to…!” I playfully fought back, wriggling around in Satoru’s grasp.

“You’ll pay for that!” Satoru lifted my hips up so that I sat on the counter closest to the wall, continuing to nibble at my neck and earlobe as he prodded and tickled me with his fingers.

I jerked around in Satoru’s hands, “Stop…! Haha, I can’t breathe!” I laughed out, but stopped when I noticed that Satoru had suddenly froze, his hands resting on my butt, “What’s—” I started, but Satoru jumped in.

Satoru backed his head up enough to look me in my eyes, “You’re not wearing any underwear…” It was definitely a statement, but Satoru had said the words more like a question. Then it dawned on me: The fabric of my lounge dress was thin; he could probably easily feel my bare skin just beneath it…

My entire face burned bright red to Satoru’s words. I wasn’t. But who could blame me? I’d been at the house all day and had honestly forgotten!

Satoru pressed his forehead to mine, voice turning deep and velvety, “You always walk around like that…?”

“N-No!” I stuttered out, embarrassed, yet intoxicated by the way Satoru spoke.

“Or is it just for me?” Satoru cooed shameless and confidently, lips now ghosting over my ear. It was like he knew he was driving me crazy. He began to kiss my neck just below, gently licking and sucking there as soft moans fled my sighing mouth.

Somehow, against my own physical desires, I managed to tap Satoru’s shoulder for him to stop, “T-Tour…! The tour!” I gasped out. I spoke again when I caught my breath, “Let me show you the house.” I tucked my curls behind my ear, still blushing profusely. I shifted my legs as well, feeling a familiar, wetness between them when I moved.

Satoru broke away, now looking into my eyes with his piercing blue, and very visibly turned on as his breathing had grown slightly deeper, “Sure. Yeah, let’s see the place.” He nodded a bit mindlessly, still sort of regaining his composure.

I hopped off the counter and took Satoru’s hand, leading him to the next room, “Come with me.” I smirked, looking over my shoulder at him.

About an hour or so later, Satoru and I had ended the house tour in my study; with me admiring the Nakamura painting with my glass of wine in hand, and Satoru at my desk checking out my car design sketch book. We’d paused for a quick pizza break as well, and while I’d decided on marinara, mozzarella, prosciutto, parmesan and basil for my toppings, Satoru had fished the barbeque sauce out of my fridge to create a barbecue chicken pizza with mozzarella and caramelized onions on top—a choice I’d initially refused to try at first, especially as a pizza purist, but ended up taking a bite of anyways. The new pizza oven on the back patio must’ve had magic in it, because every pizza that that we put in it came out absolutely delicious.

“These are fucking amazing.” Satoru noted, before flipping a page in my sketchbook, “How the hell do you even think up this kinda stuff?” He looked up from the desk at me.

I shrugged, then took another sip of sangiovese.

Satoru put down the sketch pad, then stood up to approach a glass-lined bookcase filled with black binders, each labeled with different car model names. They weren’t all Okamoto cars, either. There were a number of Porsche, Lamborghini, Ferrari, Maserati, Mercedes, BMW, Corvette, Bugatti, Toyota, and Alfa Romeo ones as well, and they all totaled to about 75 binders, “What’s all this?” Satoru asked, picking up the 2022 Ferrari F8 Tributa binder with white lining and flipping through it.

“Those are some of my favorite car models, organized by make and in order by my personal most to least favorites. Each binder has full engine and body mechanics mockups, notes, and news clippings; and the black binders with white lining are ones I’ve worked on. I strode a little close to Satoru, looking over his shoulder as he flipped through the laminated pages. A few of the pages were even scrapbook-style, featuring cute mementos like article clippings from F1 races and ‘eureka’ moment-esque physics equations my team and I had scribbled down on pub napkins after hours. After all the pages with engine and car images, the last page in this binder featured a polaroid picture of me and my old mechanics production team at Ferrari, signed with everyone’s names and farewell messages written all over the page in Italian. In the black and white image, we were all beside the Autodromo Nazionale Monza track, and the team had snapped a picture of us all mid-laugh as they tossed me into the air above them.

Satoru chuckled at the sight of the picture of me laughing in my greasy racing mechanic suit, then turned to me with an admiring smile, “Lena, you’re amazing… You put all of these binders together yourself?”

I nodded shyly, as this sort of car model scrapbooking had become a personal passion and nerdy obsession of mine. Though I’d only started making the binders ten years ago, my goal was at least to have 500 of them by the time I was old and retired. I wanted enough black binders to fill an entire wall—not just a bookcase.

Satoru closed the binder and put it back, slowly turning to fully face me. His affectionate smile remained on his lips, and he reached out to gently retrieve the glass of wine in my hand before safely placing it on the desk beside us. He then pulled me close, wrapping me in his arms before raising one of his hands to stroke my cheek. I rested my hands on Satoru’s white t-shirt, his brown sweater now long tossed aside to the corner of the room as he’d accidentally gotten some barbecue sauce on it earlier. I felt his chest muscles ripple beneath his shirt when he slid his hand down my back, eyes peering directly down into mine as his fingers brushed over my cheek.

Satoru looked at me in a way that was so sweet, calm, and unflinching, making me realize I didn’t believe I’d ever been looked at so intimately in my life. And he was so handsome, with his messily styled yet neatly trimmed white locks of hair, piercing azure gaze, toned body, spotless skin, and chiseled jaw. He opened his mouth to speak, “You’re the smartest, most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

I tilted my head backwards to chuckle, “Oh, stop.” I was flattered but shook my head in disbelief.

“No, seriously, Lena…” Satoru tilted my had back down so that I was looking up at him once more, “I’ve never met a woman as passionate about something as you are. That passion for something you love… It looks so beautiful on you.” Satoru stroked his thumb over my cheek, and I felt my face redden at his words. They were the kind that pulled on my heartstrings.

I stretched up a little more, closing the space between us more as I closed my eyes, and Satoru dipped his head down to press his lips to mine, sharply inhaling through his nose as he immediately deepened our kiss into a wildly passionate one. I reciprocated his energy, beginning to feel just as impatient. Even though it was only our second official date, I felt I’d ignored my desires to touch and be touched by Satoru so many times that I’d lost count.

I wrapped my arms around Satoru’s neck, pulling him into me even further. Our kiss turned far more heated when Satoru slid his tongue into my mouth, both of his hands now slipping up and down the curves of my lightly covered waist. The fabric shifted up under his touch, and the combination of his hand movements with his kissing started to make my head spin. I took the opportunity to push my hands up underneath his shirt, appreciating the solid muscles of his chest and abdomen.

Satoru huffed out a short chuckle between open-mouthed kisses, tongue swirling around mine, “That’s not fair…” He teased lowly, sliding the hands that had been on my waist down to my ass before tightly squeezing my cheeks there.

I moaned into his mouth and felt desire pool in my abdomen. I wanted to be out of this dress already. It was too damn long and warm. Satoru planted kisses down my face to my chin, neck, then finally my shoulder, prodding his hot tongue over the skin there every so often. I had the feeling he was starting to learn that I really liked being kissed there. Maybe it was the way light moans squeezed their way up and out my throat every time his mouth was there.

With Satoru’s squeezing hands and skilled lips moving all over me, I began to pant to the lust that was taking over me. Somehow, I mustered up the strength to tell him for the first time what I really wanted, “Satoru, c-can we… move to my bedroom?”

“Baby, you can have whatever you want.” Satoru abruptly reached down to grab the backs of my thighs, pulling me up into his arms. I made a sound of surprise but smirked, quickly wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his shoulders to regain some balance. Satoru easily walked us out of my study, down the hall, and into my bedroom, kissing me all the while. And instead of tossing me onto the bed and ripping his clothes off like I was typically used to, Satoru sat me down on the bed, sitting right beside me and joining our lips once more before tipping us back onto the bed.

Satoru hovered into the space above me, holding his weight in his forearms on either side of my head as he kissed me hungrily. He broke away after a moment, resting back on his knees in the space before me on the bed so that he could watch my every movement. His hands found my bare ankles and he raised them just a bit, slowly opening up my legs so that the fabric of my lounge dress slid up my smooth thighs, “So pretty…” Satoru’s eyes and attention then fully fixed themselves on the space between my legs, licking his lips and only looking back up into my eyes to ask me something, “Can I touch you…?” He asked, voice turning deep and sultry as he slid one of his hands up my inner thigh.

“Yes, please.” I begged in a small voice with a quick nod.

Gojo’s left hand continued to slowly slip up my inner thigh until he finally reached my pussy, long fingers finding the small nub of flesh before rubbing with an intensity I wasn’t expecting. I jerked on the bed a little, brows pushing together with a small wince. But Satoru immediately adjusted his pressure, easing up into small, gentle circles around my clit. My body quickly eased in response, and I sighed, beginning to feel the pleasure from his movements.

“You’re really sensitive, huh, Lena?” Satoru said lowly, voice pure velvet, “And wet…” He noted, settling himself down on the bed at my left side. He rested on his side as he rubbed me, watching my every expression and movement as I laid on my back. I looked down at his thick, toned arm between my legs, fingers rubbing, circling, and gently pinching my clit in a practiced sort-of-way that made my breath catch in my throat.

“Look at me, baby.” Satoru asked and I immediately complied, turning my head to look at him beside me, “How long have you been this wet? There’s no way you’re this drenched after a few minutes of kissing...” Satoru paused in his circling to retrieve his and from between my legs, showing me his wet fingers in the dim light of my bedroom, “See? Look…” He turned his hand around and slowly parted his index and middle fingers, a lewd string of my juices appearing and on full display.

I blushed and turned my eyes back to Satoru’s face, nearly whimpering my answer I was so turned on, “Since… you kissed me on the counter…” I panted out, honestly.

“Oh, beautiful… That was over an hour ago.” Satoru returned his hand to the spot between my legs, continuing to rub me gently, just how I liked, “You’ve wanted to be touched for that long?”

I nodded shyly.

“Say it.” Satoru’s attention lowered to my neck, and he slid my long curls away to kiss it. I moaned at the combination of his lips and fingers on my body.

“I’ve wanted you to touch me for so long…!” I nearly cried out, still only speaking just above a whisper.

“Fuck, Lena…” Satoru cursed, burying his face into the pillow beside my head, before turning to speak again, “I’m trying my fucking hardest to take things slow with you…” He pressed his lips to my ear to say the next part, “But every part of me craves you.” Satoru’s fingers continued to rub gentle circles around my clit and I moaned, rocking my hips up into his hand. He chuckled to this, teasingly pulling his hand back to leave me wanting. His hand slid up my thigh instead, pushing up the fabric even further, “Let’s get this off.”

I aided Satoru in removing my lounge dress, lifting my hips and pulling the fabric up and over my head. I do my best to push my long black curls away from my face that had been frazzled by taking off my clothes, only then realizing I was completely bare as the dress had a built-in bra. I watched Satoru slowly look my entire body over, before he mouthed the word ‘fuck.’

I suddenly felt a bit shy, as I was the only one naked while Satoru was still fully clothed, “Um, what about you?” I asked, looking up at him.

Satoru stroked my cheek, then allowed his hand to slide down my neck and chest, “Patience, Lena…” He cooed and leaned in to kiss my lips, down my neck, and to my chest—already grabbing handfuls of my breasts and taking turns licking and sucking each of my nipples.

“Mmh…!” I moaned abruptly to the new sensation, mind starting to spin from all the attention Satoru was paying to my body.

“God, you’re fucking perfect…” Satoru paused to look me up and down again, then his gaze lifted and directly met mine, “You got any toys here, babe?” He continued to hold my chest, thumbs circling over my hardened nipples.

I blinked to the question. A man had never asked me that before, “Uh, yeah. Just one… Why?”

Satoru immediately slipped off the bed and stood up, “Where?”

“Um, bottom drawer.” I tilted my head in the direction of the bedside dresser to my right, swallowing a bit nervously as I was unsure of what Satoru would do next.

Satoru dropped into a squat and opened the drawer, retrieving the only item that was in it—a clit sucking and stimulating device. He grinned when he grabbed the handle and brandished it at me, “You keep it this close, huh?”

I shrugged silently, cheeks still red.

Satoru returned to his spot right next to me on the bed, lying on his side once more before offering me the toy, “Show me how you do it.” He smirked.

I took the toy’s handle into my hand, then glanced up to meet Satoru’s eyes, “By myself?” I questioned, “But I want you to touch me…” I batted my eyelashes up at him, pleading.

“We have all night for that.” He stroked my cheek, brushing a curl away from my face, “Don’t worry, beautiful, I’ll give you everything you want.”

I held the white button on the toy with my index and it softly buzzed to life. I turned its head downwards, closing my eyes as I placed the small silicone opening on my clit. I sighed in relief from the stimulation—though it wasn’t exactly what I wanted in this moment, it was something. I pressed the button again, increasing the toy’s vibration just slightly.

Though I had my eyes closed, I was sure that Satoru was watching me intently. His lips pressed to my ear and his tongue lapped over the shell of it, lewdly dipping in before sucking my earlobe, “Tell me what you’re thinking about, baby.” He breathed out, and his low voice made me twitch with excitement.

I propped my legs up on the bed, giving myself and the toy more access to my pussy. I furrowed my brows, mind going foggy at the pleasure I was receiving, “I don’t know…” I trailed off; though the last time I’d touched myself yesterday morning, it was the thought of Satoru’s hands that had sent me over the edge. He didn’t need to know that.

“Yes, you do.” Satoru nearly growled into my ear, “What, are you embarrassed? You can tell me…” He kissed just under my ear, then hotly lapped and sucked the skin at the crook of my neck. At this point, he was definitely going to leave a mark there.

I swallowed down the saliva that was pooling in my mouth, “Y-Your hands.” I admitted, blinking my eyes open to gaze at Satoru.

“Oh, these?” Satoru rose his brows and sat up so he could rub his hands over my legs and up my abdomen, all the way to my chest, “What about them?” He repeated his hand motions again, slowly stroking from my legs up to my breasts, “What do you think about them doing to you?”

I could feel my heart beat thickly in my chest. I bit my lip and remained silent, not really wanting to tell him about my licentious thoughts and desires. I was beginning to get lost in pleasure from the toy’s stimulation, anyhow.

Satoru paused in his rubbing and awaited my answer, then realized I wasn’t going to speak. In response, he swiftly reached down to retrieve the toy from between my legs and out of my grasp, “Now, that’s not fair,” Satoru started, half-frowning but only teasingly, “I’m part of your fantasies, but don’t even get to know how?”

I groaned out a whimper and shifted my hips on the bed, now that the source of my pleasure was gone. I pouted, already giving in, “Fine…!” I whined, speaking in a small voice, “I think about your hands… wrapping around my neck, and choking me.” I admitted and tucked my arms at my sides, unsure of what to do with them.

Satoru looked amused, like he wasn’t expecting me to say that. A wicked grin spread across his face, “Shit, babe. I thought you were gonna say something sweet like me holding you, or something…” He leaned close to me, gently placing his free hand around my neck. It was big and warm, and I could feel his thumb and index just barely press into the sides of it, “You’ve got a dirty mind, don’t you, Lena?” Satoru sighed out a single laugh, then returned the toy to the spot between my legs, causing me to jump a little when the silicone opening directly collided with my clit.

“Ah!” A moan fled from my lips, and my brows pushed together in a straight line when Satoru simultaneously pressed a little harder on the sides of my neck with his fingers. I felt wildly turned on all of a sudden; if this continued on, it wouldn’t be long before I came.

“Fuck, you’re sensitive. This is only the second setting on this thing…” Satoru eyed the toy in his hand curiously, then tapped the button, slightly increasing its vibration on the next setting.

My hips jerked upwards, and I began to moan repeatedly, feeling the pleasure start to radiate all over my body, “Satoru…” I warned, “M’gonna cum…!”

“Hm, enough of this.” Satoru pulled the toy away from between my legs and clicked around on the buttons until finally turning it off. He tossed it on the other end of the bed somewhere and let go of my neck as well.

“No!” I softly cried out, “Please…” I begged, upset at having been denied my orgasm.

“Please what?” Satoru asked for clarification, far calmer and more collected than I was presently.

“Please let me cum!” I said desperately, my pleading eyes looking up at Satoru who was hovering over me.

“I’ll let you cum as many times as you want, beautiful…” Satoru kissed between my breasts, slowly pecking his way down my abdomen, “You just have to be patient.” He said in between kisses, “I promise you’ll love it. Now, can I taste you?” Satoru asked, eyes staring up at mine as he moved to trail kisses up the inside of my thigh. He lowered himself flat on the bed before me, thick arms already propping my bent legs over his shoulders.

“Please!”

“Mm… Good girl. Begging so nicely…” Those two words made my head spin. Satoru finally descended his lips to between my legs, starting with a long lick up the glistening folds of my pussy—his eyes on me the entire time. I shuddered and gasped to his licking, my right hand moving to grip the white locks of hair at the back of his head. He paused to speak briefly, gently rubbing my clit with the pads of his fingers while he talked, “You taste so good, Lena. Knew this pussy would be perfect.”

I moaned when his mouth returned to my pussy, especially when he continued on to gently suck and tug on my labia with his lips. The slurping noises he made as he shamelessly ate me out were driving me mad, and my hips jerked around to all the strong sensations and pleasure he was giving me. I settled down a bit when Satoru returned to focusing and licking up, down, and around my pussy lips and clit; a pathetic and desperate moan fleeing my panting mouth when he found a particularly pleasing spot right next to my clit—my favorite spot… How the hell had he found that so fast?? Satoru’s gaze lifted back up to my face at my reaction, and he continued to lick, flick, and prod his tongue there at a steady pace.

I watched as Satoru devoured me and gripped his hair tighter at the sudden uptick in pleasure I was experiencing. I nodded my head quickly, “Yes! Ahh, right, there…!” My legs bent even tighter over Satoru’s shoulders, pulling him close to me while rocking my hips up into his mouth.

Satoru didn’t respond with words, but I watched the corners of his mouth curve up into a smirk as he licked me, “Mhm…” He hummed, picking up the pace even more and shifting one of his arms to press his middle finger to my wet entrance. Satoru slowly pushed his finger into my pussy, working the long digit in and out of me while he continued to lick my clit.

I didn’t need to warn him this time. The loud desperation on my face and in my helpless moans were enough to signal to Satoru that I was going to cum, and hard, at that. But I cried his name, regardless, “Satoru!” My mind went blank just after, and the noise that escaped my throat was hardly human. I grunted and clenched hard around Satoru’s finger and my eyes briefly rolled back, hips jerking and spasming with every wave of the intense orgasm that took over me. Though Satoru didn’t back away and held my hips down with his arm, licking me through every second of my climax.

I was left a panting mess beneath him when he was finished with me, my legs shaking and trembling when his mouth and hand parted with my pussy. I looked up to catch my wetness all over Satoru’s lips and chin, nearly dripping down to his t-shirt from the abundance of it. He wiped his chin and grinned. I needed to be close to him again. I was grateful when he lowered himself down over me, his lips taking mine in a deep, lewd kiss. I tasted myself on his tongue and hummed into his mouth, slowly coming down from my mind-altering orgasm.

“Better?” Satoru asked between kisses, smirking.

I quickly nodded over and over, “Yeah…” I sighed, still a little out of breath, “Much better.” The toy was nothing in comparison to Satoru’s mouth.

“See? You just gotta trust me… You’re so cute.” Satoru grinned, showering me in light kisses.

“Satoru?”

“Yes, babe?”

“Do you have a condom?”

Satoru looked surprised by my words, yet again, and quirked a brow upwards, his smile just slightly growing, “Yeah, I always keep one in my wallet. Why do you ask?” He feigned cluelessness, just trying to get me to utter my desires aloud once more.

“I want you.” I said in a soft voice, trailing my hand down his chest and to his abdomen, “I want you to feel good, too.”

“What do you want of me? Be specific, Lena… Communication is important.” He cooed deeply into my ear, his tone flirty and enticing.

“I… I want your dick inside of me…!” My face reddened bashfully as I admitted what I wanted.

Satoru chuckled and sat back for a moment, amused, “You just came and already want more, beautiful? I mean it’s fine by me, but, just curious… How many rounds do you typically like?”

I blinked a few times, still dazed, “I don’t know, I haven’t had sex in a few years.”

Satoru looked the most shocked I’d ever seen him, eyes blown wide and jaw practically on the floor, “A few years??!?! How long is a few years??!!”

“Like, two?”

“Shit, Lena. How the hell do you manage that?” Satoru asked the clearly rhetorical question just above a whisper, shaking his head to himself and already reaching for his wallet in the back of his trousers. He opened one of the pockets and retrieved a large foil packet before passing it to me, “Hold that for me, please.”

Satoru stood to his feet beside the bed, quickly making work of his shirt by pulling it over his head, then undoing his belt before sliding it, his pants, and his underwear down and off his legs in one go. Now freed from the confines of his pants, Satoru’s dick sprang to life, and nothing could’ve prepared me for seeing the size of it—not even having already seen his bulge a few times now. He was massive. At least 24cm or 9.5in long, girthy, cut, and completely shaved other than the light trail of white hair below his navel. I blinked, wide-eyed and mouth agape as he rejoined me on the bed, slipping the condom from my seemingly frozen fingers, I was so still with shock, “Uhh… wow, um… You’re huge.”

Satoru exhaled a short chuckle and leaned close to me while he broke open the packet, pecking my lips before speaking, “Don’t worry babe, it’ll fit.” He assured me. But would it, really?! I couldn’t help but wonder, “It’ll be a tight fit, but it will, and I’ll make you feel amazing. You just have to trust me, okay?” Satoru glanced down to roll the condom down the thick length of his dick, slowly spitting down onto himself to make it extra slick. He leaned in again, holding his weight on one arm beside my waist, and using his other hand to guide his dick to my pussy. I felt him, impossibly thick and heavy, press and prod against my entrance, “You trust me, babe?” Satoru spoke lowly into my ear, tone husky and heavy with lust.

“Yes…” I sighed lightly, beginning to feel slightly nervous. Satoru hadn’t given me a reason not to trust him.

“Then relax for me.” Satoru’s voice nearly made me dizzy, it was so hot. My pelvic floor muscles clenched in response. I took a deep breath, trying to release the tension in my body. Just as I relaxed some, I felt Satoru push in a little. I released a high-pitched moan in response and Satoru mumbled praises into my ear, “That’s good, Lena, now relax your hips for me…” He talked me through every inch of him, and now that the tip was in, his hand that had guided his dick slid around my side to sweetly rub and knead my hip, “Come on, baby, open up for me.” Satoru murmured the words into my ear, nearly whispering.

“Oh, fuck… You’re too fucking big…” I whined at Satoru’s size, doing my best to relax though his dick was stretching me unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. It didn’t help that I’d been out of practice for two years. The next time I exhaled, his length pushed in some more, and I reflexively pulsed around his dick, a groan falling from my lips.

“Yes.” Satoru praised, “That’s it—you’re doing so well, baby.” He slowly pushed into me even more and I moaned again, unable to help but briefly clench around him again. Satoru buried his face in the pillow beside me with a long groan, “Fuck… You feel fucking insane, Lena…” His lips returned to my ear, tone absolutely wanton, “You know you keep squeezing me like crazy? You want me that much? Let me give you what you need then, beautiful.” His dirty talk was going to drive me insane.

Satoru slowly thrusted in a little more, and I sighed in relief, assuming that was the last bit of him.

“Just a little bit more, okay?”

“M-More?!” I gasped, in disbelief. I rolled my head back on the pillow and moaned helplessly to the surprising yet pleasant fullness in my abdomen. Though Satoru was huge, he’d gone so slow enough that I’d hardly felt any discomfort. He hotly licked up the length of my exposed neck before joining our mouths in a messy kiss. He pushed the rest of the way in, and we broke our kiss with moans as we were finally skin to skin. I’d never been stretched and filled to capacity like this—it was making my mind fuzzy.

Satoru moved his hand from my hip to my knee, lifting the underside of it to prop over his shoulder. My hips rose slightly from this new position, and I felt Satoru’s dick press and nudge against my cervix because of it. I whimpered and shuddered to this, and Satoru backed up enough to gaze gown at me, eyes examining my expression in a protective sort-of-way, “You okay?”

“Yes,” I started, brows knit tightly, “just, slow, please…” I moaned lightly and allowed my eyes to flutter shut for a moment, “Shit, you’re deep.”

Satoru rolled his hips against mine and I opened my eyes again, a smirk spread across his face, “Yeah, think I’m the deepest I can go.” He teased cockily, feeling his tip press against my cervix, “But I told you it would fit, didn’t I?”

“Shut up.” I huffed out, managing a quick laugh. Satoru joined in with a chuckle of his own, and I immediately felt the tension and anxiety release from my body.

Satoru rested his forehead against mine, “Only if you make me, babe.” He challenged, retreating his hips before pumping into me again. I gasped to the feeling, unable to help my loud moaning and groaning with every one of his thrusts that followed. Though slow in speed, they had a good amount of force behind them, and the delicious friction of Satoru slipping his cock almost completely out before fully pumping back into me was starting to make a familiar, hot pressure build in my abdomen. Satoru continued to tease with his dirty talk as he peered down at me, “I think I have a better chance of making you scream my name. What do you think?”

“Ah—” I made a quick sound of surprise when Satoru mixed in a few shallow thrusts with his long ones, and my back arched on the bed, his dick perfectly prodding against the bundle of nerves deep inside of me, “Satoru…!” I cried, reaching down with one hand to grasp and attempt to pull his hips into mine.

“Yes, Lena?” Satoru said coolly with a knowing smile. He seemed so perfectly calm and in control, compared to my messy, lust-filled mind.

“Please!” I gripped and pulled his hip in tighter.

“Please what? Remember what I said earlier, about communication?” Satoru continued to stroke into me over and over as he spoke; I was honestly beginning to lose my mind.

“Communication is important…” I somehow managed with a cry, though it felt like my brain was melting every time Satoru hit my spot.

“That’s right. Now, what would you like me to do, baby?” Satoru cooed.

“Please, fuck me d-deep…!” I begged, still trying my best to pull Satoru’s hips closer into mine. I wanted more. More of that sweet friction he was giving me with every deep thrust. The way his dick stretched, pushed, pulled, and prodded the most sensitive parts of me; I wanted to be consumed by him and those sensations he was giving me.

“Like this?” Satoru abruptly picked up his slow pace into a quicker one, ceasing his long thrusts and fucking me instead with shorter, deep thrusts, all perfectly aimed at my a-spot. Instead of pulling out all the way with each pump, he remained deep inside, and the repeated stimulation to the area just beneath my cervix made me want to cry, it felt so fucking good. Satoru sat upright to watch me moan helplessly beneath him as I was completely pleasure-struck. He held the back of my left leg for leverage as he fucked into me, my breasts jumping from the force of each thrust. Satoru grabbed one and squeezed hard, his eyes visibly starting to grow cloudy with lust, “I thought you said I was too big… Now you want me deep?” He released my leg and instead wrapped his hand around my neck, perfectly squeezing the sides of my neck so that his grip was tight, but I could still breathe, “What’s the truth, Lena?” He was so sweet yet cruel at the same time—giving me exactly what I wanted physically yet repeatedly making me say exactly what was on my mind, even when I was too embarrassed or turned on to answer properly.

I cried out pathetically beneath Satoru, clenching tightly around his dick when he choked me, “Please, please don’t s-stop I need this…!” My words were slurred and hardly discernable, I was so drunk with pleasure. I could feel a familiar pressure building up in the pit of my stomach, and knew I was close.

“I know, baby, I know.” Satoru’s eyes looked dark, like he was beginning to lose himself in pleasure just as much as I was. He used his hand that was not around my neck to roughly comb away the white strands of hair from his face, forehead beading with sweat. He then reached down and started to rub my clit with the pads of his fingers as he perfectly fucked into me, over and over, “Why don’t you fucking cum for me?” Clearly worked up with lust as I was, Satoru spat the question between clenched teeth, more like a demand.

Something low in my abdomen twisted with excitement when Satoru spoke to me like that; and I knew that some sick part of me wanted him to be even more cruel to me. Right then, I wanted desperately for him to treat me however he wanted. I groaned messily to the triple attack on my body—Satoru harshly fucking into me, choking me, and gently rubbing my clit all at the same time. My pleasure rapidly increased from the additional sensations he gave me, and my eyes went wide with shock at the extremely intense orgasm that was quickly building up in my body. It was almost scary, “S-Satoru, g-gonna cum… really hard…!” I warned in an uneven voice, my hips involuntarily squirming around to free myself from the pleasure that was too much, and too strong. I even unconsciously clawed my nails at his lower back. But Satoru’s hand around my neck kept me locked square on his dick, that was now driving into me at an even faster pace.

Satoru bent close to me, looking directly into my eyes, “Mm-mnh… Don’t run, baby. You don’t get to run from this. You have to take it, Lena. Now do what I ask and fucking cum.”

I came with a scream at Satoru’s command, feeling tears well up in my eyes at the intense explosion of pleasure that continued in waves as he fucked me through it. My body convulsed harshly with each strong pulse of my pussy, one… two… three… four times; and on the fifth, my hips jerked so hard that I jumped out of Satoru’s grasp and on my side next to him on the bed. I panted heavily, trying to regain my sanity after an orgasm that strong. It was so much, so insanely strong, and so good that I felt the tears finally fall from my eyes.

Satoru followed me to where I’d jumped on side of the bed and chuckled; wiping one of my tears then kissing my cheek, neck, and shoulder, “You’re just a big crybaby, huh?” He said softly, kissing my cheek again, “You okay? That felt like a big one…”

I quickly nodded, wiping the remainder of my tears, “Shit, I’m always fucking crying on our dates, aren’t I?” I sniffled, turning to look up at Satoru after I caught my breath, “Yeah, I’m okay, just had the biggest orgasm of my life—no big deal.” I laughed once.

Satoru smiled, reaching up to stroke my cheek before pressing his lips to mine, “Glad I could be a part of that.” He hummed and closed his eyes, dipping his head down to rest his forehead on mine again. In our current position—with me on my side and Satoru hovering over me—I could feel his condom-covered dick twitch against my ass cheek, “Mind if I finish, baby? I’m really close… Or do you need a break?”

“Oh! No, I don’t mind!” I shook my head and lifted my leg, practically handing it to Satoru as he took it in his grasp and positioned himself at my entrance, “I want you to cum, too.” I said sweetly, grabbing his free hand and interlocking our fingers.

I moaned when Satoru pushed back in, filling me completely in one swift thrust. His forehead remained against mine as he pumped into me over and over, movements growing more and more erratic and unfocused by the second. I heard Satoru’s breathing become ragged and uneven, the sweat from his forehead trickling onto mine as he squeezed my hand. It was satisfying, being able to feel him unravel and lose himself in pleasure as I had, “Fuck… You know you get even tighter after you cum, babe?” Satoru straightened up a bit, enough for him to drive his hips even harder into mine, and enough for me to see his face better. He stroked in and out of me continuously, until I saw his jaw clench considerably, suddenly ceasing with a particularly hard thrust and a loud grunt. Satoru bared his teeth and groaned when he came, tilting his head back for a second, then offering me a few shallow thrusts and looking down at himself buried in my pussy, “Shit, Lena… You’re fucking unreal.” He glanced up into my eyes at the last of his words, then dramatically collapsed onto the bed beside me on his back.

I giggled at Satoru’s dramatics, turning on my other side to face him, “You okay?” I playfully returned his question from earlier.

“Yeah, the best.” Satoru exhaled, wiping his forehead before turning to look at me. He leaned over to peck my lips once… twice, then slowly slid the condom off his dick before slipping off the bed and standing. He tied a knot on the end of the condom and tossed it into the wastebin in the corner of my bedroom. And I appreciated this view of the man walking around naked my room in his full glory, insanely cut and toned all over. The view of his round, muscular butt when he bent over to retrieve and throw away the condom’s foil wrapper was particularly cute. Satoru turned towards me again as I comfortably slipped under my duvet, “You want some water?” He asked.

“Yeah, um, see that white pull-out cabinet under the vanity?” I pointed to it on the opposite side of the bedroom, “There’s a mini fridge in there with glasses and a water dispenser.”

“Well, that’s fucking genius; I was about to go back to the kitchen.” Satoru admitted, instead making a beeline for the mini fridge and filling up a tall glass of water. He returned to the bed and carefully passed me the glass as he slipped under the covers with me.

“Thank you.” I took a number of long sips, nearly drinking half the glass in one go. I passed the glass back to Satoru and he took a short swig before reaching back to rest it on the bedside dresser next to him.

“Of course.”

We gazed at each other for a moment, and I suddenly got up and reoriented myself so that I was straddling Satoru under the covers, a pleased and giddy grin on my face. I rested my hands on Satoru’s chest and felt him gently grasp and knead my hips with his thumbs in response.

“What’s gotten into you?” Satoru cracked a smile, curious to my sudden excitement.

I was just feeling playful. I bent close to Satoru’s ear, “You.” I whispered, “You got into me.” I started with a kiss to his cheek, then kissed down his neck, then to his chest…

“Mm…” Satoru hummed affirmatively, “It was really fun, huh?”

I sat up again and nodded with a smile, next pressing my mouth to Satoru’s in a brief yet passionate kiss. He spoke up again when I broke it.

“You wanna go again?” Satoru challenged with a raised brow.

I flipped my long curls behind my shoulder and tucked a loose strand behind my ear, sure that my hair was a complete mess now, but I was quite unbothered at this point, “Yes.” I nodded, and our lips came together once again—immediately diving into a series of quick, excited, and heated kisses, until Satoru suddenly broke away.

“Shit.” He let go of one of my hips and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What?” I asked, a little concerned.

Satoru met my gaze once more, “I don’t have any more condoms.”

“Oh.” I bit my lower lip in realization and blinked down at Satoru laying beneath me.

“You on birth control or anything? If so, I could show you my negative test results if you wa—”

“I’m not.” I interrupted. I hadn’t been since I broke up with my ex… Work had picked up so quickly since I’d moved back to Tokyo two years ago, I hadn’t even thought about it. Well, not until now.

“Fuck.”

We simply stared at each other in silence, the unspoken, next natural question on both of our minds hanging heavy in the air: Should we just do it anyways?

[radio-zephyr]

*inhales* (this is the same person as @anulithots) THE SUMMER HIKARU DIED THE SUMMER HIKARU DIED

alskdjfasldkf it's the most underrated thing ever itw ill destory me the characters and emotions and YOSHIKI ONE OF THE BEST CONFUSED QUIET MORAL DILMEMmAING PROGTAGONISTS I'VE EVER SEEENNN

also the CANNON

way that Yoshiki is gay/queer and doesn't like his twon and you can see the enitreee storyyy as a metaphor for being gay in a conservative little village and aldjfalksdfj;lasdkf

ALso the horror and the interactions between all the characters ASAKO (I think I got her name right)

THEM

AND ALSO

HER

ANDDD the horror elements and the everythign and the alksdjfaklsdfj ART STYLE AND THE CHaracter dyanamics and ksljdfklsdjf

(i KNOWWW there's lore and such but honestly my brain never remembers the lore and worldbuilding for anythinggg. IT's still cool though!)

Okay sorry for suddenly comming to your inbox I just saw that you reblogged a lot of tshd posts and my brain went feral

OMG HI :00000000000 no worries ab coming into my inbox!!!!! I love talking to people and answering asks ^-^!!

I only recently finished reading (i think up to chapter 27? that's all i could find) but its SO GOOD! I love the artstyle (stunning absolutely stunning) and I love the characters and I love the worldbuilding so so much-

Yoshiki my beloved <3 I love how quietly but also very integral his queerness and the shame that comes with it is drawn into the story, like in the little moments where his eyes are drawn to hikaru before he averts them, its really nice. And also very integral to who he is. why does he think he's a monster? its not directly stated but We Know. Also yes his conflicting feelings when it comes to 'hikaru'!! It's so scrumptious just *cheffs kiss*

AND ALSO!! Fake hikaru I love him sm, I always enjoy characters who aren't necessarily malicious but still nonetheless their behavior doesn't ever really match up with what larger society does deem proper (cough cough), esp when the character himself is on an almost 'higher' plane of existence and just has a very different fundamental understanding off the universe. (even though he's not really necessarily a higher being!!) Like the way 'hikaru' doesn't really understand the difference between life and death, and operates based on his own wish to be able to stay with yoshiko as he slowly has a place carved out for him by yoshiki's side, but as he spends more time he starts to understand more ab why someone wouldn't want someone else to die (KIND OF like this OTHER character from after god, another manga (orokapi)). And as he learns of the consequences of him being there, especially in regard to how its reflected onto yoshiko, he decides to return to the mountain even though he desperately wants to stay where he has a place to be,,,,,,,,,,laskdgjlskgajgd :(( (like that one post calling him a fragile monster,,,,,like he really is isn't he </3)

and the moments between hikaru and yoshiki are so achingly tender!! I love how this author formats the pages and draws the scenes and expressions and movements sm, especially in ch 9 where yoshiko goes out to look for hikaru and finds his body, that entire sequence is just so stunningly illustrated and drawn you can feel the building panic and cold horror/dissociation once yoshiko finds the body- (I saw someone point out how 'hikaru''s shadow always doesn't have its head shown, indicating how he isn't really hikaru, which is such a fun detail) (and just the tenderness of how yoshiki cups the corpse's face as his mind runs and runs and runs and runs and runs-)

AND THE WAY 'HIKARU' ONLY COMES BACK BC HIKARU'S LAST WISH WAS FOR YOSHIKO TO NOT BE LONELY!!! LIKE DAMN!!!! DEVOTION AS A CURSE FR!!!

(it's kind of almost laughably silly how hikaru actually died bc he got distracted like dang :((( who planted that tree there??? /lh)

ASAKO!! I esp really really liked the chapter where she does confront 'hikaru' ab who he really is, that window into the grief of knowing your friend is truly dead and you weren't able to properly mourn for so long, and he's not really ever coming back again-

but also along the way that creeping, growing suspicion that something is wrong, because your intuition hasn't ever been wrong before when you can see these things-

and in general there friend group is absolutely adorable!! Including all the separate interactions the hair segment was so cute and relatable, my hair is so easy to take care of but i can't say the same for any of my friends lol

AND I LOVE THE ART SM!!!! JUST IT'S SO WHIMSICAL IN A WAY BUT LIKE SUFFOCATING? IDK it communicates the environment and mood SO WELL, and i love how the text/sound fx have been formatted on the page to convey an almost opressing, overbearing heat and weight of summer, and the character designs are all so lovely :0.

I really do love all the characters too, like they're written super nicely in a way that feels very, um idk how to describe it but 'real', like it doesn't feel as much that any single one was necessarily brought in solely for plot purposes even though that is the point of them, like their is at least a hint of deeper though processes for each. This does make their interactions so scrumptious tho :DD

ack this got long-but anyways thank you for the ask!! I'd love to hear more of your thoughts if you want!! Have a lovely day <3

EDIT: I KEPT SPELLING YOSHIKI'S NAME YOSHIKO HAHA OOPS

[lincolndjarin]

i’m about to be so silly but yknow what, fuck it. ill put it together when im on break but like what if i just posted all my kinktober wips and then did a fucking poll of which ones yall wanna see finished and next week mon-friday ill post those. (with no kinktober this week so i can wrap up next weeks)

the plan being that i will just finish those up this week. finish oh honey ch. 3 this weekend and then try to get bks 26&27 out by the first weekend of november?? does that sound okay?? anyone have any thoughts on that LMAOO im just like so fucking fried rn. like im not getting anything done bc im trying to do everything all at once and i think it would help for me to just limit the rest of what im doing for kinktober. especially cause im gonna be ending the month w a pretty hefty one shot. idk if this is dumb send me an anon telling me to stfu. but like currently i feel so busy with writing i struggle to even find time to respond to anyone like my inbox is full rn and idk idk idk someone give me an opinion lol

[hannie-dul-set]

mini writing updates!

no conflict theory update today bcs i'll be posting ch.3 of home for the bitchless! sunghoon centric chapter! woohoo!

sunwater is still in progress with currently 16k. ill be pushing back it's release quite a bit bcs although ive finished planning it, it's currently at an emotional arc and i haven't been in a proper mood to write it 😔 (been feeling rather silly n goofy lately as u can see from my current 2 ongoing series 😭)

peach tree will be finished sometime this year. listening to like we just met and getting flashbacks (ANON THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT) has put that fic in a permanent spot at the back of my mind and i'm rlly itching to continue working on it 😭😭 but it's the same w sunwater, i'm too stupid rn to write something emotional i just wanna write dumb boys being dumb for now 😔.

started reposting some of my fics on ao3! hannie_dul_set on there. i want to change my brand so bad but i've been hannie-dul-set for YEARS now so i've accepted to simply be stuck with it.

not a writing update but i'm awake at 7am because i had really cool really insane dream w a sketchy vampire bf and i woke up just when the plot got good and now i am gravely upset how is ur morning.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Dunno how many of y'all follow me for my Veilguard fic. But I have to switch from weekly updates to a bulk update when it's finished. This letter is attached to the fic too, but plop.

Letter to readers

I’m deeply sorry if you came to read another chapter only to find this instead. Though, I’m pretty sure like 3 people are actively reading it, and I’ve told them already.

So, hey. I feel awful about this but regularly updating my fic with little encouragement in the form of comments is apparently really shitty for my mental health.

I’m, at time of posting this, still writing this story. I want to finish it. I am writing it for me. (To help me get over my disappointment with Veilguard.) It has succeeded in doing this, so has, essentially served its purpose.

I’m not orphaning it, I’m not walking away from it, I still want to finish it. I still love my version of these characters and my version of this story. But if my interest starts to wane, well, I tried. Thems the breaks.

One of the things few people tell you about having ADHD is one of the more dangerous to our mental health things we can do to ourselves.

Yes, you've probably heard of ADHD, but may not actually understand? ADHD is either an inability to make or an inability to process dopamine like an average neurotypical brain does. Science isn’t quite sure yet. Your average ADHDer usually has 3x less dopamine currently available for their brain than regular people do.

Dopamine is what makes us happy, but more than that, it plays key roles in forming habits, with motivation, with enjoyment of some activities, and with emotional regulation. There’s a lot more that dopamine does than that but I’m writing a note, not an essay. (I'm trying to, anyway 😅.)

Back to the dangerous to ADHD folks behavior we can do to ourselves.

Dopamine chasing.

It is so insidious. I know to be wary of it.

Our brains need dopamine to function. Dopamine chasing is where ADHD folks will do thing, enjoying activity of thing greatly. (I deeply enjoy writing this fanfic, for example.)

Then something makes our brains unconsciously (sometimes conciously) think they’re gonna get dopamine for thing. And if dopamine doesn’t result… it can make us crash into mental illness relapses. It’s hell, honestly.

Dopamine chasing is a form of self-harm. It can take many forms (doomscrolling is a good example). For me, currently, and what is forcing my hand here, is that my brain somewhere formed the (extremely unconscious) idea that publishing fanfic might equate to other people liking it.

Within the cosmos of Ao3, (which, yes, post from captain obvious) if people like a thing, they drop a kudos (nice, might make author feel a bump in positivity) or leave a comment (excellent! Will make person writing thing feel really good, helps with motivation, makes it feel like the time and effort of writing this thing is both appreciated and worth it. That the additional not insignificant effort of publishing thing is also worth doing.)

I’m disabled and also recovering from a pulmonary embolism (not fun, do not recommend). I have to be incredibly careful about what I spend my very limited energy on.

I have a lot of trauma in my background and a laundry list of mental health issues because of it.

When I first started writing this, I wasn’t going to post it, but my eldest kid is big into fanfic and thought I’d really enjoy it. I figured, why not. There’s a lot of people hurting because of Veilguard. Maybe it’ll help other people, too.

So I started posting it. For the first several weeks, maybe even five weeks, the hyperfixation alone was enough to keep the dopamine packet delivery system fueled.

I’m an author and editor. I’m incredibly accustomed to getting little to no feedback on my books because I don’t read reviews of my work. Reviews are for readers, they’re strictly fan space only.

I didn’t honestly think little to no interaction would be an issue. But as time went on, I got a little down, mood wise, every time I posted a new chapter. Then I found myself in a glum mood every time I posted a new one. Today, I crashed completely after posting a chapter yesterday. A chapter I worked incredibly hard on. Smut! Which usually gets interest on Ao3, let’s be real here, kinky smut at that. With tentacles.

Unfortunately, I had to crash to figure out that I’d put myself into a position ripe for dopamine chasing.

Other than my dedicated 3 readers, (I love you all) it felt like throwing that chapter I’d worked hard on into the void to the faint sound of moth wings. I, unfortunately, can’t keep doing this to myself. It’s just hurting me at this point.

I fell (again) into the trap of dopamine chasing. Dopamine that isn’t there. Because either people aren’t reading this fic at all (except for you three, I’m very grateful to all three of you) or if they are, they’re not commenting. There’s more that went into this becoming dopamine chasing for me than I’m going into here. But it would make people feel bad so I’ll bitch about it in semi-private. So it wasn’t just the lack of interaction, I wasn’t really expecting any when this started. The lack of interaction is around 75% of the issue though. Because there is interaction on other DA fics.

How I got here doesn’t change the result of I cannot self-harm myself this way anymore.

Kudos are nice to receive. Comments are amazing to receive. And I’ve learnt my lesson about not reading anything but completed fics and not commenting much. I now prioritize WIPs and try to find something in most chapters to comment on.

The author is feeding me by posting chapters of awesome free writing. The least I can do is feed them in return.

I’ve been told the Dragon Age Fandom is utter ass about commenting on fics. Y’all do realize the long term affects of that, right? Fewer and fewer fics being finished. People will start them, get discouraged, and leave.

The odds of a fic you’re enjoying never being finished increases drastically if there’s no food (comments) for the author. I’m not sure if it’s the same for neurotypical fanfic writers or not, but for ADHDers, that interaction is very possibly more important than you can imagine. It could spell whether they ever finish the fic or not. Just like the lack of it is forcing me to finish writing it (if I do) and just bulk post it when I’m finished. I enjoyed posting weekly for a variety of reasons. But we can often enjoy things that are bad for us.

I was told not to do bulk posting when I first started publishing this fic. But if it’s the only way I can do it without feeling like shit after updating, it just has to be that way.

And to be honest, much as I’ve enjoyed writing fic, and I have so many other stories I’d love to tell… at the end of the day I’m an author and editor.

It’s how I make what little income I have. If I’m writing something, it should really be the next book. Not a fanfic that makes me feel like absolute ass every time I post a chapter. I’ve got two other chapters ready, but I’ll leave it on the sweeter note of Rook and Shay’s sexy times chapter. In case I don’t have the motivation to finish it.

At this point in time, I do intend to finish it, but I’ve got at least 20 more chapters to write for it, if not more. It’s going to be a while before I can do the update. And there’s a fair to middling chance I’ll get bored and just stop. I’ll post whatever I’ve got at that point if it looks to be happening and bid fanfic writing a not very fond farewell. It hasn’t been an overall awesome experience for me.

I have another AU dragon age fic I’m writing. It’s a Phantom of the Opera AU. Solas gets to be Phantom. I’d already chosen to bulk post that one because I keep bouncing back and forth on ideas and which characters to use to make it ‘most Phantom-y’. So I’ll post that one whenever I get it finished.

I guess this is just a sad reminder of two things.

Be ultra wary of dopamine chasing.

And

Feed your fanfic authors with comments if you want more of whatever fic you’re enjoying.

Both seem like such simple things, don’t they?

Anyway. I’ve, as usual, rambled far longer than intended.

Take care of yourselves.

Kai

[fordanoia]

‘’’

[blorbologist]

Squinting at the blorbos like rats in a lab

Tags are minimal unfortunately, this is a personal blog so it’s a barrage of all sorts! I DO tag critical role spoilers with #critical role spoilers and #cr spoilers, given I often liveblog, and will tag until the episode is on YouTube. 

I also do fanfic! You can find me on AO3 at umwelt! 

My main ongoing project is my 'Age of Arcanum Perc'ahlia AU', where Vax is the Warden of Ravens, Vex'ahlia his (lonely) Champion, and Percival is the creator of aeormatons. I tag posts about the au #age of arcanum AU if interested!

Prologue ... CH 3

Cat's Cradle is currently a WIP on hiatus, under #cat’s cradle AU, a lil modern Perc’ahlia AU with foster kittens. Compiling chapters on AO3, but tumblr stays a few chapters ahead:

CH 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15

My big completed project is my 'Raven Queen’s champion instead ' AU. You can find posts about it under #vex is the raven queen’s champion AU.

Some writing, sneak peaks and ask games happen here on tumblr, too. More than some. oops.

You can [hopefully, assuming Tumblr behaves] find my writing under the tag #my writing, and ask under #ask game usually!

Like what I do? Consider buying me a coffee so I can stay sane enough to finish these WIPs! And my thesis! 

I do not take requests. Prompts are only when I’ve RB’d a relevant prompt game - I’m in gradschool, assume I’m busy by default lol

Projects:

Architect of our demise [onwards to Vasselheim!]

Cat's cradle / Kitten AU [on hiatus for Uni]

Daughters or Dolls [plotting, title is a wip]

Second chapter to My heart’s a vessel for ill intent? [not started]

Perc’ahlia travel troubles comfort fic [half-done?]

Recoil chapter 2 [dusty wip, like a quarter done?]

And so will I chapter 3, Jester [dusty wip]

Nursery rhymes as told by briarpatches chapter 4, Greypool [dusty wip, half done?]

Vex’s menial duties as Grand Mistress of the Grey Hunt [got one thing done?]

Kyssandra hide and seek fic [birthday gift for Burr <3]

Vex and Vax in the Slayer's Take in TLOVM [Vexahra for Nova <33]

AUs:

Vex is the Raven Queen’s Champion AU [One for sorrow / Two for joy]

Modern AU bottlefeeding kittens [Cat’s Cradle]

Age of Arcanum AU [Architect of our demise]

Delilah controls Laudna’s heartbeat [My heart’s a vessel]

Filles du roi Perc'ahlia AU [historical Québec au, plottin]

Ruidusborn!Percy AU [just ideas]

Leona runs off to the Cobalt Soul AU [maybe a quarter done?]

MILF and DILF Perc'ahlia marriage of convenience [posted part 1!]

Percy is the pact weapon AU [Get your hands dirty]

2/3 Vampires Bashter AU [got that one snippet to work off of]

Tiefling!Percy AU [brainchild with Essay <333]

FMA AU [A whole mess, one ficlet posted]

Fox woman dreaming AU [1/2 posted]

Just tons of random Gilmore/Vax’ildan/Keyleth shit bc i lov the thems

Perc’ahlia Atlantis AU [just in my brain and that One Screencap Redraw]

Accurate Jurassic Park AU [just vague mushing my two special interests together thots]

'The tale of Merciful and Lex' [Jester reads a smut novel 100% inspired by the de Rolos]

Ships:

OTPs are currently Perc’ahlia, Imodna and Laudmoore in that order. I usually only read fics of these ships bar rare exceptions.* NOTPs that are common enough to be worth mentioning are Widobrave, Widojest, Riprolo, anything remotely incesty or toeing the grooming line. I don’t want to interact with this content don’t fuckin make me.

Ships that aren’t my absolute feral loves, buuut that I’d be happy to write for are man. All canon CR ships, plus Beaujester, Bashter, Kiki/Vax/Gil, Callowmoore, Dorym, Chetney/Fearne, Widomauk, Kiki/Vex/Percy [with a huge *], onesided Tary/Percy, all fun! Also getting into the rarepair of Cassandra/Laudna for Reasons, and any Ace!Cass x NPCs her age.

Beyond that, just, y’know. Use basic critical thinking. Do I really need to write ‘hey! Don’t send me, a stranger, things you wouldn’t talk to a stranger about’? I have faith in y’all not to, for now ktrgnkrtnkgn

Have fun foraging through my blog - hope you find a few things of interest, writing or otherwise! <3

[mama-qwerty]

My Handy-Dandy Fic & Writing Link List

I thought I'd gather convenient links for all my current Sonic fics and other bits of writing. Just in case, ya know, anyone out there may be interested.

Listed in order from newest to oldest.

Updated June 21, 2023

Lost and Found - an au in which Knuckles is adopted by Callie instead of the Wachowskis

Fall of the Status Quo - A certain silver hedgehog falls into Callie's life. Literally.

Campfire Tails - Sheriff Prower and the Mystery of the Silver Mine - A campfire story told by Tails, featuring his family in the roles.

A Burden Shared - A close call leaves some lasting feelings, and Tom and Knux have a late night bonding session

After the Dust Settles - Takes place between the Robotnik battle, and baseball scene at the end of Sonic 2

Sick as a Hog - The first time Sonic gets sick with the Wachowskis

The Walls Crack - Sonic finally opens up about his backstory to Tom and Maddie, after an innocent question sends him running

Maddie's First Mother's Day - How with the boys celebrate their first Mother's Day with Maddie?

An End and a Beginning - A tough day at the clinic sends Maddie to the deck for some quiet time, but Knux doesn't think she should be alone

Forced Perspective - One month after the second movie, and Knuckles falls ill

What's In A Name - After the events of Sonic 2, Maddie has some thoughts about what Sonic called Tom--and what he's NOT calling her

Late Night Thoughts - Sonic - Two months after the first movie, and Sonic's still having some trouble settling in with the Wachowskis, specifically Maddie - Told from Sonic's POV

Late Night Thoughts - Maddie - Two months after the first movie, and Sonic's still having some trouble settling in with the Wachowskis, specifically Maddie - Told from Maddie's POV

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tumblr Exclusive Writing Snippets

I post some snippets of writing that frequently don't get finished and posted to Ao3 or Fanfiction.net. Just stuff that I started writing and either lost interest in, or discovered quickly they weren't going anywhere, but liked how they came out.

Drained Chaos - from a chat with @mcfanely about Knuckles having his chaos energy drained

When Eclipse Met Callie pt 4 - the gremlin saga continues

Base Instincts - something something all the Mobians on Earth revert to their more basic animalistic instincts

Lost and Found Ch 1 - A ‘what if’ au inspired by a story by @appendingfic​ - What if Callie adopted Knuckles instead of the Wachowskis?

Darkling Wade - What’s Right In Front Of You - Wade and Callie were just friends before he turned into a Dark, but now they wonder if there’s something more

Darkling Wade - At the Lake - The MacPherson clan--plus one--head out for a little R & R

Darkling Wade - The Hiss - Wade’s one and only time he’s ever hissed at Callie

When Eclipse Met Callie Pt 3 - Eclipse endears himself to Callie

Darkling Wade and Callie - Instincts - Wade has been feeling a strange instinct lately, and one night it takes control

Darkling Wade and Callie - Qwertyverse Edition - a kind of au in which Wade and Callie are dating when he turns into a Dark

Darkling Wade and Callie v1 - an au of sorts based on an ask and back and forth with @stillafanofsonic and @doomfox

The Curious Case of Miles Prower - a snippet thing based on de-aged Tails au from @dakt37

The Rock - Life in the MacPherson household is always exciting with Eclipse around.

When Eclipse Met Callie Pt 2 - a continuation of the previous part

The Spat - a few months after Eclipse joins the MacPherson household, he and Silver have a disgreement that ends in injury

When Eclipse Met Callie - Tumblr prompt from @stillafanofsonic asking what would happen when gremlin met librarian

Sonic Babysits - Tumblr prompt about Sonic babysitting Tom and Maddie’s baby, his little sister

Sonic’s First Birthday - Tumblr prompt about Sonic’s 1st birthday with Tom and Maddie

After Treatments - Shadow hates doing this treatments, and reacts poorly afterward.

The Bite - Shadow doesn't want to do his testing, and reacts in a less-then-ideal way.

Meeting Shadow - A tentative start to my Shadow story, in which Maria first meets the little hog.

Knuckles and Child - Just a short thing based on an ask about how Knuckles would take care of a baby.

Shopping with Silver - When Callie and Silver hit the grocery store, all seems well. Until Silver goes off on his own and encounters a few unfriendly townfolk.

Meeting Robotnik - A continuation of the previous bit, where Robotnik shows up at Callie's house to search for Sonic.

Meeting Sonic - An alternate movie fic in which Sonic meets Callie instead of Tom.

Hide the Hog - A little moment between Maria and a young Shadow, playing a little game at the start of the day.

Drone Home Snippet - Written in response to an ask I received regarding Knuckles' time between getting stuck in the billboard and returning to "help" Sonic and Tails with the drone.

Two Dorks Fail at Flirting - I have an upcoming fic in which Callie and Wade develop a mutual crush and start dating, but this is a quick little "stick a toe in and see how it feels".

~~~~@anartistwhowrites drew an adorable comic based on this snippet, with absolutely wonderful expressions, and it captures Wade and Callie's awkwardness PERFECTLY! Check it out, and give her a follow because she really is so freaking sweet and talented!~~~~

Chaotix & Callie - In an early version of an upcoming story which introduces Silver, I had the Chaotix come into play. Here's a really short snippet that I thought came out cute.

The Reluctant Tutor - Due to their inability to make sound decisions, the Wachowski boys are in need of a tutor. Callie is called in to assume the role, and here's the tentative start to that fic. Unknown if I'll ever finish it.

Mom's Done - Sometimes motherhood isn't all rainbows and unicorn farts. Maddie has a rough morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tumblr Shorties

Sometimes an ask (or something I see on my dash) will spark a bit of writing--a shortie. Here’s a convenient list of them.

The First Loss - based on a post of @aphantimes regarding Knuckles dealing with death

Eclipse Does Good

Tainted Energy pt 2 - a continuation of the previous bit, encouraged and enabled by @mcfanely

Tainted Knuckles - based on a post regarding a tainted Master Emerald, and a fanart based on that

Eclipse Loses Pt 2

Tom and Tails Bonding

Eclipse Loses

Sneaking In - Okay, so not technically an ask, more of a shortie I wrote while inspired by art from @quazart

Chaotix Babysit Badly

Eclipse vs. Lobsters

Eclipse Throws Up

Eclipse and the Litter Boxes

Wade and Eclipse’s Pounce Game

Mom Said No

Eclipse’s First Check-up

Eclipse Totally Isn’t Cuddling

Eclipse Back Scratch

Daddy Eclipse

Eclipse the Jedi

Stealing is Wrong

The Truth About the Child Leash

Check 'em out, spread 'em around, lemme know what you think, and share the love!

[p1a9u3]

PeepHole Ch2: Disturbances

Masterpost Ch.2 - Ch.3 Pairing: Dylan Matthews x Fem Oc

Rating: 18+ (mdni)

Genre: Neighbors/Strangers to Lovers, Smut, Angst, Fluff, Slow-burn

Summary: First impressions are always important, luckily Amoya didn't fuck her's up...right?

Words: 1.4k

Warnings: (This story takes place in 2024) Mental illness (anxiety, OCD), Language, Age gap (5 years), nothing really happens in this chapter.

Status: Unedited

Authors Note: I am so sorry, this took forever to come out, it's not even a long chapter. There happened to be a lot of shit wanting to happen as I was trying to finish this chapter, so things got pushed back. I will try my best to not be so lazy and get shit written and posted in a timely manner, but for now, here is the second chapter, I hope you enjoy

"Hello?"

You silently cursed yourself for waking up your neighbor at six in the morning. You step to the side to apologize profusely. Looking up from the floor your eyes trail up seeing black socks, grey sweatpants, a plain white t-shirt, finally reaching his face to see round glasses and messy hair.

'He looks familiar'

"I am so sorry I didn't mean to wake you I just tripped and this thing is really heavy, I hope I didn't damage your door, I'm sorry if I did and I'm sorry for waking you again." You spewed out

Dylans POV- Tuesday, February 27, 2024 Time: 5:57AM In a deep sleep, Dylan rolled onto his side, dreaming of himself as a best-selling author. He signed books for his fans, gave speeches about how his book was several years in the making, and how happy he was that his fans stayed long enough to see it finished.

-thump!-

Dylan jolted up from his sleep, looking around his room, thinking maybe someone was trying to break in,

"The fuck?" He sits up straight letting his eyes adjust to the dark and looks around the room, not seeing anything.

Or maybe it was in his head. Laying his head back onto his pillow, he closed his eyes slowly falling back to sleep.

-thump!-

Dylan's eyes shoot back open, grabbing his glasses from beside his bed and turning on his side lamp, he looks around his room. Getting out of bed and exiting his room, he quickly and quietly searches around his apartment. Not seeing anything out of order, he silently steps to his front door to look out the peephole. Seeing what looked like a large wall instead of the door that faced his, he also saw fingers wrapped around the side facing him. Letting out a sigh he opens the door

"Hello?" placing his right hand on the door frame and holding the door open with his left, waiting for a reply from the person who woke him from his dream.

Dylan wasn't really the type to get all flustered over a pretty girl, he'd acknowledge a good-looking face but then move on. But he couldn't help himself, you were gorgeous, he almost forgot why he was standing there in the first place until he heard your voice.

"I am so sorry I didn't mean to wake you I just- I tripped and this thing is really heavy, I didn't damage your door- I hope I didn't, I'm sorry if I did and I'm sorry for waking you again." You spewed out, fumbling over your words.

Why did he think that was kind of cute? He's gonna blame it on the fact that he just woke up and is still delirious, he didn't notice how your eyes slowly dragged up his body before, too busy dragging his own eyes over your body. When his eyes finally met yours the first thing he thought of was a siren, not one of those magical mermaids, but a siren, the ones who sing to sailors and drag them to their deaths and eat away at their drowned bodies. He's not going to lie to himself, he definitely thinks it's sexy, your eyes included. If he wasn't supposed to formulate a response to you he'd just keep staring, but he's been staring for too long.

"Ahem- You're fine- it's fine, you're good. Are you ok, that was pretty loud, did you hurt yourself?" If he could slap himself right now he would for sounding so stupid. -End of Dylan's POV

"I'm good, just hit my head a little, again I'm really sorry. You can go back to sleep, I'll be sure to not disturb you anymore." You apologize again, feeling like you probably ruined his routine.

'He really does look familiar'

-click-

You hear your own door open this time, turning to see your mom step out with a worried look on her face until she notices you standing away from her.

"O moj Bože, What is taking so long? Why are you just standing there?" Your mom steps out of your apartment, finally noticing the tall man standing in front of you. (Translation: oh my god)

"Sorry Mama, I tripped and woke him up, the thing is so damn heavy I dropped it twice." You motion to the man standing in front of you finally breaking eye contact with him

You hold onto the bed frame, bracing your shoulder against the side of it and sliding it down a little so it isn't blocking your door anymore.

"Oh we're sorry, please go back to bed we'll be sure to not bother you anymore." Your mom apologized for again you as she looked up at the man.

"Yeah- no it's ok, I wasn't even sleep. I- Do you guys need help?" He lied. He was asleep, having a nice dream too.

"Nonono- you don't have to do that we can figure it out ourselves, please don't let me bother you anymore." You look back up at him, giving him a small smile before turning to your mother.

"Amoya, maybe let the man help. My back is killing me anyway." Your mother looks back at the man smiling up at him. "I strained my back bringing these boxes up here, you wouldn't mind helping my daughter bring this one thing in would you"

Stepping next to you, your mom sly whispers to you. "He's cute" Sighing to yourself, you pinch the bridge of your nose

"No no, not at all." Dylan steps up grabbing onto the headboard. "It's just this right?"

You nod your head as you step to the other end to help him carry it inside as your mom holds the door open "Thank you, again I'm so sorry for waking you up."

You know you're apologizing a lot but you can't help it, you feel like an idiot.

"And again it's fine really." Noticing you stepping to the other end of the headboard "I got it, just hold the door for me, yeah?" Crouching down Dylan lifts the headboard from the middle letting it lean against his chest

'I- oh ok" You step back letting him carry it, stepping next to your mom you hold the door open, your mom stepping inside and out of the way.

Turning to the side Dylan steps into the apartment

"Second door to the left, you can set it against the wall" your mom instructs watching him effortlessly walk to the room. You follow closely behind.

Setting the headboard against the wall. Dylan stands up straight with a huff pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. You stood at the doorway, unintentionally gawking.

"Is there anything else I can help with" Turning to you, he takes a few steps toward you looking down at you.

"I- uh- no no, that's it. Please don't let me keep you any longer." Snapping out of your daze and breaking eye contact, you take a step back and to the side getting out of his way. “I’ll be sure to pay you back sometime soon”

Dylan nods with a smile stepping out of your room to the front door, your mother not far from it smiling to herself. Getting closer

‘I’ve definitely seen his face before’

You trail behind as he approaches the front door “I’m Dylan by the way, forgot to introduce myself” he spins around before stepping out of your apartment.

‘The name’s familiar too’

“Amoya, I’m Amoya.” You replied back meeting him at the door “I won’t apologize again cuz I’m sure it’s annoying but I promise I will pay you back.” Your mom steps next to you placing a hand on your shoulder

“You should let her cook for you sometime, you two could get acquainted with each other” Nudging you slightly she smiles back at Dylan pleased with her suggestion

“I’ll keep that in mind when thinking of my payment, I’ll uh- I’ll go now then” Stepping back to into the hall he gives a small wave before turning to his own apartment and steps inside.

You shut the door after seeing him shut his, turning to your mother who simply smiles back at you playing innocent as she walks into your living room. Sitting on a folded chair you had brought with you, she crosses her legs giving you a look you know well enough.

“I’ve already ruined my first introduction and apologized profusely like a babe who just stole some candy” You already knew what she was thinking; you usually do.

“I didn’t say anything Ini, Znam da misliš da je sladak” She smiles slyly standing up and walking into the kitchen to unpack spices. (Translation: I know you think he's cute)

Walking back into your bedroom, ignoring your mother’s comment you enter your room to set up your bed.

prev. - Ch.2 - Ch.3

Authors Note: Again I am so sorry, this took forever to come out, I wish this chapter was longer to make up for the amount of time it took to be published. I hope I haven't pissed anyone off, and that people are still interested in this story. I genuinely want to write this story, my life just gets really hectic sometimes and I lose the motivation. If you are reading this, Thank you for coming back, or if you weren't here when I uploaded the first chapter. Hi, thanks for checking this story out. This is nowhere near done which scares me a little, but fingers crossed it doesn't take me a lifetime to finish.

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: hold the bright moon in my arms, ch. 3

Relationships: Niè Huáisāng & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Niè Huáisāng, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Original Characters, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī

Additional Tags: Pining, Feelings Realization, Illnesses, ennui, Found Family, Porn Reading, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Manipulative Niè Huáisāng, Memories, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn Needs a Hug, Post-Canon, Pining Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Friendship, Niè Huáisāng Is A Little Shit, POV Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, POV Third Person, Qi Deviation, Resentful Energy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Panic Attacks, Triggers, Fainting

Summary: Lan Wangji arrives in Qinghe.

Notes: see end

First fic

1-2

AO3 link

—————

The healers only made him stay in bed for a day before clearing him to all activities except working with resentful energy, which frustrated Wei Wuxian because it meant he couldn’t do any research on the Nie curse, though Nie Huaisang waved off his apologies and said it was his own fault for causing a qi deviation.

On the bright side, Nie Huaisang’s cooks made amazing dishes even when focusing on yin foods, often using neutral spices like saffron and coriander, along with nice soy-based sauces that were flavorful and delicious, very different from food at the Cloud Recesses. He still missed the spiciness of yang foods, but he came away from meals satisfied. The cooks even gave him bags of salted and spiced crunchy dried mushrooms that kept him sated between meals.

Bed rest had been pure hell, giving him far too much time to think about all the hints that he had failed to pick up on over the years about Lan Zhan’s feelings, even times when he likely hurt him in his ignorance, and the problem of the curse would have given him distraction from intrusive thoughts and feelings.

He spent time in the crèche playing with toddlers and telling silly stories, often based on the ones he’d grown up with in Yunmeng, but others based on people he knew and considered fine role models, like A-Yuan and Wen Ning and Lan Zhan.

Wei Wuxian spent time with Nie Huaisang during meals and breaks in his days, though his old friend was testing his patience with pointed gifts left in his quarters. When he’d tried confronting him, he put on his Headshaker mask and pleaded innocent, then attempted to distract him. Worse, the distraction usually worked, to Wei Wuxian’s embarrassment.

He harassed Nie Hengxiang and Nie Yingwei to take him to market, which backfired because he kept noticing bunny figurines or art, and even items with cloud motifs. As if that wasn’t bad enough, apparently the two of them had been told to buy anything Wei Wuxian so much as looked interested in, so his quarters were now decorated with bunnies and clouds, and it kept reminding him of Lan Zhan.

Other than that, he spent time generally wandering the grounds looking for something to do. After a few days a Nie instructor, perhaps taking pity on him, asked him to speak with a class of juniors, which was a very welcome distraction even if he expected they’d want stories about the war or the Yiling Patriarch.

To his surprise, they actually wanted to know what happened when he and Lan Zhan defeated the Xuanwu of Slaughter, delightfully focused and interested in defeating resentful beasts like true Nies.

He had just gotten to the point where he and Lan Zhan were trapped alone in the cave with the Xuanwu guarding their only way out, swordless and without food or water, both injured, with no rescue on the way, when Nie Huaisang came rushing in, looking a bit frantic. Wei Wuxian immediately found a way to pause the story.

“As an exercise, I want all of you to brainstorm what you might do in such a situation before I finish telling you what happened,” he told the students.

They immediately grouped together to do as asked, and the instructor looked pleased, so Wei Wuxian was able to quickly pull Nie Huaisang out into the hall.

“Hanguang-Jun is here,” Nie Huaisang hissed before he could even start to wonder what had him so frantic.

Wei Wuxian had to lean against the corridor wall for a second. He'd expected this as soon as he’d goaded Nie Huaisang into sending the letter—if he was telling the truth about what he’d heard Lan Xichen confide to his brother.

He knew he had to meet with Lan Zhan and talk to him, but he hadn’t expected him so quickly—the missive requesting the texts couldn’t have reached the Cloud Recesses before yesterday, and to get here that fast he must have left immediately. Meaning the Chief Cultivator had dropped everything to fly through the night at top speed to get here so quickly, which gave credence to the idea that Lan Zhan felt as Nie Huaisang said he did.

Even still, he couldn’t bring himself to think the words directly, despite having had dreams featuring him coming home to a small cottage with a basket of produce for dinner to Lan Zhan working at a loom while waiting for him; it wasn’t the only dream he’d had but some of them he blamed Nie Huaisang for. Nie Huaisang, who had left educational cutsleeve porn and lube in his quarters that gave him the sort of dreams he used to have as a teenager before everything went to shit but far more vivid and very centered around Lan Zhan, and then feigned innocence because he was a meddling asshole.

So Wei Wuxian felt justified saying, “Let him know I’m talking to a class of juniors, and I’ll join you in the garden with the fountains when I’m done,” and going back into the classroom, leaving his old friend to deal with Lan Zhan for a bit while he collected himself.

And anyway, Lan Zhan likely wanted to know about his health first, and Nie Huaisang could deal with that conversation.

Nie Huaisang whined “But Wei-xiong!” after him, but Wei Wuxian ignored him and he didn’t come back into the classroom.

He used the results of the exercise to distract himself from the beating of his own heart, the thrill and anxiety that Lan Zhan was here, letting the disciples share the ideas each group came up with for handling such a situation. Interestingly, one group’s idea included a more thorough search of the cave for either exits or weak spots to break through—a retreat for reinforcements and weapons. Wei Wuxian was pleased to see level heads, and a focus beyond killing the legendary beast.

“Sadly,” he told them, “there were no other entrances, and the cave led back and down into the mountain, so we couldn’t find any other way to escape but through the Xuanwu.”

Without access to the typical tools for fighting resentful creatures and monsters, many of the groups came up blank, though one trusted that their fellows who escaped would return and said they would settle in to practice inedia as far from the Xuanwu as possible, which Wei Ying had to admit would have probably been smarter than trying to kill it with limited options. Years later, it was easy to see how they could have avoided attacking the Xuanwu, but they had also been exhausted and injured, and the attack on the Cloud Recesses had weighed on them both, including the idea for Wei Wuxian that Lotus Pier could be next, which ultimately was the case.

He caved to the disciples’ pleas and continued the tale, registering their horror at the idea of going into the Xuanwu’s shell, and at him ultimately ending up in its mouth, clinging to a sword to keep from being eaten for the six hours it took for the thing to die. He made sure to omit the resentment in the sword—few knew even now where the Yin Tiger Seal came from and he had no intention of changing that.

“Honestly, Lan Zhan did most of the work. His hands were so torn up after, I remember.”

“But Wei-qianbei, you went into the shell,” one pupil protested. “Without you, the Chief Cultivator couldn’t have killed the Xuanwu.”

The disciple was so earnest, his brows furrowed, and Wei Wuxian was reminded poignantly of the ducklings.

“True, but without him, I would have been eaten,” he sayid patiently. “Lan Zhan killed it.”

“We killed it together,” a familiar voice interjected.

Wei Wuxian felt his heart squeeze at Lan Zhan’s voice, and realized he’d somehow never noticed that he always felt like that—stupid that he’d never realized—and he turned and leveled a bright smile in his direction. The disciples scrambled to their feet to greet the Chief Cultivator, and he used the furor to study him, noting he seemed tired, more tired than he seemed even when they had been gallivanting across the jianghu seeking the scattered parts of Nie Mingjue’s body and soul, and he hoped at least Lan Jingyi was helping him with his duties with A-Yuan in Qishan paying respects to his birth family.

Nie Huaisang played dirty, bringing Lan Zhan here, and just to prove it he stuck his tongue out at Wei Wuxian while hiding his face from the rest of the room with his fan. Jerk.

“So we did,” Wei Wuxian relented after things had settled, then turned to the disciples, “though the battle sealed the exit and left us trapped still anyway. Fortunately, those who escaped before us came back with reinforcements and freed us.”

Soft footsteps padded to his side, and he could feel Lan Zhan’s heat in a way that made him feel almost giddy, along with the almost imperceptible quirk of his lips in a return smile.

The disciples had questions, of course, and Lan Zhan even helped answer them, his words poetically textbook, as minimal as ever, his voice as placid as the Cold Pond, thrumming with similar power, at least to Wei Wuxian.

Standing beside him felt right, left him centered in a way he hadn’t felt since he left Gusu, settled him.

The feeling vanished when a shy-looking disciple asked haltingly, “Wei-qianbei, why didn’t you use resentful energy to defeat the Xuanwu?”

Wei Wuxian could feel Lan Zhan go utterly still beside him, and in a flash Nie Huaisang intruded, clearly worried the question might be taken poorly, his voice carrying an undercurrent of guilt and anger, maybe with the hapless disciple, who wouldn’t have any way to know better with all the rumors about him; the poor boy looked increasingly mortified.

“No,” he said, “it’s a fair question.”

Nie Huaisang stared at him, his eyes darting to Lan Zhan and back. Wei Wuxian didn’t dare turn to see his expression, too busy finding the words to explain without giving details he’d rather not be known. Just trying to find them made his head hurt almost too badly to think, but Lan Zhan’s hand on his upper arm, a light grip to just let him know he was there, helped.

“I hadn’t yet been put in the situation that forced me to learn to wield resentful energy or be consumed by it, so it wasn’t part of my repertoire at that point.”

Complete silence greeted his statement, and his head throbbed with how terribly loud it was.

“War is a terrible thing,” Nie Huaisang finally said, his voice tight, and Wei Wuxian was reminded of how much his old friend knew about what had happened to him.

Wei Wuxian could practically see the questions swirling in the disciples’ minds, further reminders that Nie Huaisang knew his deepest secret, had either a spy who also knew or had spied himself on the scene at Lotus Pier after he’d passed out. He was able to ground himself through Nie Huaisang’s voice, explaining in a rambling sort of way their departure as “meetings, always meetings, you know how it is,” and Lan Zhan’s hand gently squeezing around his upper arm, tugging gently toward the door, a direction he was happy to follow.

Lan Zhan, when he glanced over in the hallway, looked so concerned—how could anyone think he didn’t have expressions?—which implied that Wei Wuxian was probably having a physical reaction to his spiraling thoughts.

“The healing ward is this way,” whispered by Nie Huaisang, confirmed that.

Wei Wuxian checked to make sure he wasn’t bleeding from the nose just to be sure—nothing so obvious as that, thank goodness. Nothing that might upset the junior disciples, but obvious enough to Lan Zhan and Nie Huaisang to be concerned. He could see their concern even through his daze, but he just couldn’t focus. He drifted the rest of the way to the infirmary, letting Lan Zhan lead him.

The healers looked him over, and Nie Huaisang whispered something to the head healer about the Sunshot Campaign, and Wei Wuxian could recall feeling a bit like this but worse during some points back then, but from the resentful energy rather than spiritual—just that connection snapped him more fully present, the understanding that the disciple’s question had sent him mentally back to that time.

Lan Zhan’s hand was still on his upper arm, acting like an anchor to the present, where the head healer was telling Nie Huaisang she wanted him to rest in the ward for a shichen.

“I’m fine,” Wei Wuxian protested.

He was about to go on when Lan Zhan squeezed his arm gently.

“Wei Ying should rest and recover.”

Any excuses he might make evaporated like smoke in the face of Lan Zhan’s concern—Lan Zhan, who had wanted to help him and whom he’d misunderstood, who’d found A-Yuan and rescued and raised him, who had grieved him for sixteen years, and who had rushed to the Unclean Realm in what had to be record time when he’d learned of Wei Wuxian’s qi deviation. All he could do was capitulate with a nod, feeling oddly relieved at the idea of lying down for a bit after what had happened in the classroom, shaky after everything.

Usually he tried to mask it, but Wei Wuxian was so tired of muscling through and forcing himself to pretend he wasn’t exhausted when he was—he’d done it in his first life to the point of his own destruction, and he’d jumped right back into it when Mo Xuanyu brought him back. It was just so much easier to let himself rest when someone else insisted, which was an uncomfortable realization in itself.

“Dinner’s in a shichen anyway,” Nie Huaisang told him softly, “so we can just come back to get you.”

One of the healers escorted him to a private patient bed and had him drink an unpleasantly bitter draught. Lan Zhan stayed beside him, a silent support, the pleasant weight of his hand only leaving his arm when he finally lay down.

Even then, he settled near the bed, pulled his guqin out, and played for him as the medicine kicked in, and Wei Wuxian drifted on familiar notes, a song whose name he was still owed, to sleep.

—————

I know a lot of folks ascribe to the idea that Wei Wuxian is unbothered by his traumas, but trauma doesn’t really work like that. I think he’d LIKE to be unbothered, would like to focus on his actions over what has been done to him. Frankly, I think everyone with trauma wishes that.

But the human brain doesn’t really work like that, and at the end of CQL most of it is unresolved. This is a man whose first thoughts upon coming back to life is “dammit, I’d rather stay dead,” and that’s a form of suicide ideation.

Do I think at the end of Mo Dao Zu Shi Wei Wuxian is happy? Yes. But being happy doesn’t protect us from our prior traumas. They like to pop up in troublesome places, as when Wei Wuxian saw the child at a toy stall and immediately was filled with grief for A-Yuan.

I think he avoids thinking about it as much as possible, but try not to think about the purple elephant in the room. He’d probably have days where he can barely function, regardless of how happy he is with Lan Wangji, and I think Lan Wangji not only accepts it, but coddles him with whatever he needs on those days until he can function again.

My move happened despite a scam in which I lost about $800. I’m not able to work because my mental health is in the nonfunctional right now myself, which is why updates are somewhat slow. On the bright side, I went to a mental health specialist and my meds are tweaked.

But there are days where I’m just empty and want to cry all day, and it’s going to take a while to process everything. For the last 15 years my main identity has been professor, and now that’s gone (whether temporary or permanent), and I don’t know who I am anymore. I used to have multiple projects going on at once and now I can barely do one. Frustrating af.

Glossary:

shichen = 2 hour period

xiong = brother

Many thanks to adrian_kres for the beta!

[isthisselfcare]

I dont know if this is going to be in the next chapter but what did Hermione cure Mr. Delacroix of?!

She cured him of the dangerous and highly contagious Plot Deviceitis. (I only gave him an illness to have Hermione help him and have Draco attend a gala with her… I haven’t any idea what it was!)

salut! vas-tu traduire « the mortifying ordeal of being in love » en français?

Malheureusement, non ! Cette histoire est bourrée de conneries linguistiques, sémantiques, etc. -- cutty-uppy, « it was a sm at best », jeux de mots un peu partout, mots inventés… bref, jamais de la vie, ça me rendrait folle. J’admire vraiment bcp les efforts et le courage des traducteurs qui se sont lancés dessus par contre. Moi je n’oserais jamais !

not me looking up the price of jacuzzis after ch 35 lmao

Haha! Time for a bathroom remodel, is it? Don’t forget the strategic placement of mirrors

Hii, I love love love DMATMOOBIL, it’s a new favorite. I want to bind a copy for myself after it’s finished (personal use) if that’s alright? Are you going to edit after the last chapter goes up?

Oh how exciting! I would be honoured, and you must send me photos if you take any. @femmeecrivain and I will be doing a read through to catch whatever naughty things escaped us the first go round. We are aiming to complete this exercise by the end of April. I will post here when we've finished!

I have two questions, if that is okay! 1) Do you have any tips on giving characters such life and zest? I am a fledgling fanfic writer myself, and I always feel like my characters are too serious and not multi-faceted, if that makes sense? Kind of one-dimensional.

Thank you for your kind words! My ‘advice’ here is, quite frankly, of the calibre of a generic writing blog from page 16 of google, but here we go. Read the works of the masters (or simply those authors you love who do the thing well) and analyse and absorb! Pay attention to the mannerisms, verbal quirks, thoughts, moments of impudence or hesitation, etc., that the author worked in to create a fleshed out person. Study the texts that inspire you, implement your learning as you go and it will flow out of you beautifully in short(ish) order

2) I've been super curious, did you have this fic mainly written before having started posting, or are you just incredibly gifted in the art of time management? Either way, I'm super impressed that you have managed to post on such a consistent schedule! :)

I had a detailed outline (outlines help with maintaining writing pace because you don’t get stuck) and I always stayed at least 10 chapters ahead once I began posting last autumn, so the schedule wasn’t too difficult to keep on top of. My biggest challenge is letting go when posting time comes round. I am a compulsive editor, so having a schedule helps rip off the plaster and send the chapters into the world, imperfections and all. Thank you again for the kind words

i gotta ask how big is draco’s dick in your fic bc all the feet jokes and stuff make me curious

I haven’t got a measurement in mind and prefer to leave the imaginings to the reader’s discretion (or should I say, reader’s dickscr-- no. No, I won’t). I will note that Hermione used two hands

Will we see Luella again?

We will not! (She’s laid up with a bad case of Plot Deviceitis.)

ISTHISSELFCARE I AM NOT READY FOR THIS STORY TO BE OVER :(

Oh noo, I promise that Draco and Hermione will be there, waiting for your visit, whenever you want to jump back in!

Et finalement, grand merci à la personne qui m’a envoyé le mot si gentil (Clémentine, le marin, etc.) <3 tu vas me faire rougir !

[jaruto77]

“I had...HAVE a mental illness.”

Charlie Spring (Heartstopper Ch. 6)

If it wasn’t obvious, I love Heartstopper. I was introduced to it last year through someone on a Asexual Discord I’m in. I love everything about it. I also love the Alice Oseman universe. I’ll also be honest by saying I had trouble choosing a quote from it, which is I haven’t talked about it.

I love Heartstopper not just because it’s a fantastic representation of queer people and queer relationships, but also because it has great representation of mental illness. It’s one of the few pieces of media that feels real.

I’ll talk about the queer representation in a future post. I really want to focus on Charlie’s mental illness and its portrayal.

First of all, it’s not something that comes out of the blue. It’s built up in the background until it becomes the main focus. Charlie isn’t finishing his food. I know I didn’t catch on to it until it was shown. Nick didn’t catch on to it either until the Paris trip. This even extends to the TV show. We see Charlie not eating or finishing his meals. It’s going to hurt a lot more in Seasons 2 and 3 when it becomes the main focus because we saw it building in season 1.

We also see the difficulties in just reaching out. Charlie felt he could only trust Nick, but Nick needed to face the fact that he cannot fix it, nor should he be expected to. Charlie recognized this when Nick told him outright. That letter still hurts to read. Charlie made an appointment with a therapist, but it wasn’t until months away very much so like in real life. Charlie gets worse because of this leading him to go into a psychiatric hospital. I cannot speak from experience from this, but I had a friend who can, and they’ve said it felt genuine. I cannot really expand on this because I’m not going to press my friend for answers.

Finally, that quote. Mental illnesses do not go away. However, they can become manageable. This is exactly why Turtles All the Way Down made me so emotional because it’s something I’ve had difficulties with. We see it in Heartstopper as well. Some days are great, but other days it gets to us. There’s not a lot we can do those days other than try to manage it.

I don’t know if I’m alone (well I do know I’m not), but I really hate pieces of media that make mental illnesses as something to overcome and defeat rather than manage. There is no cure to depression and anxiety like there is for athlete’s foot. We can treat it but even then there is no one size fits all treatments like there is for other diseases.

-Jaruto (Oct 5)