radio-zephyr

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oh... ace is trying his best to differentiate pangi now from "old" pangi because it's a courtesy pili2 never got...

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MY DEVOTIONS😭😭😭😭

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lets talk about how corrupted pangi/ls pangi navigates gender expression. pleaseee. like beyond joking about it. because it's been the only thing i've been thinking about since i watched his vod. im so sad

there's two clips i want to reference: clip one, where ros tells him that he wore a bow and he denies ever wanting to do that. ros pulls out a top hat, and pangi says "that's more like it." -- clip two, where he finds the bow in his enderchest and hovers over putting it on for a several seconds, then stops abruptly, and distracts himself with messaging water.

the second clip in particular is the one that really gets me. because he's just learned that this is something he's apparently done. and his hesitance shows that it's not something he truly believes that he wouldn't do, or not want to do, but rather something he is apprehensive of. he's nervous.

when he says "that doesn't seem like something i'd do," what he means is, "that doesn't seem like something i'd let myself do,"

this isn't to say that pangi is repressed on lifesteal, but both servers harbour very different environments, don't they? i mean, pangi's never said it directly, but other lifestealers have. ash just the other day said, "why everyone is so nice here?" -- and it's true not only in gameplay, but also in general politeness. people are kinder here. it's an entirely new environment. and pangi's been surrounded by these people for almost half a year, there is absolutely no doubt that he's changed and grown accustomed to that kindness in that time. the realm gave him understanding, and he's surrounded by people who have not only given him the chance to be more feminine, but encouraged it. these are people who want to see him at his most comfortable, no strings attached.

to put it simply, it's vulnerability. it's expressing himself in a way that he, as far as he's aware, has never done before. a way in which he has never been given the opportunity. and he's in this new place where people tell him things like "i need you," and "i miss you," and "i cared about you," and he doesn't know the faces behind these words. he doesn't know why they're being so nice to him, it's not something he's used to. maybe it's hard for him, and where he is mentally, to acknowledge that he has ever entertained the thought of being open and vulnerable with these people. he was comfortable here. he was safe. he let people not only see that part of him, but trust them enough to understand it, too. and he doesn't remember any of it.

and yeah, i don't necessarily think this was purposeful from pangi "i made it all up on the spot lol" live, but nonetheless, unintentional queer themes are still queer themes. and even without considering his gender expression, it speaks to how comfortable he was on the realm. how truly at home he felt.

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OHH.

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Watermunch's Journal so far shes writing to keep track

Bonus

picture of water drake example he showned except she has wings cus can do whatever in her story XD

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I’m not dead ,,,, I’ve been drawing realm buildings yuri on twitter ;>_> )

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tr!bad is so protective of tr!water and it’s not even just because she’s his friend it’s the way you’re protective of oxygen. it’s the way you’re protective of the blood in your veins.

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he forgor...

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Augh the lil hope in Aimsey's voice as they try to do the "Whatsaaa" to Pangi :((

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okay. so. i would like. to talk a bit about. the dynamic between ros and bad atm. but also i feel like i need to put HEAVVYYYYYY disclaimers on this bc i do NAWT feel like being misinterpreted about this... idk if i have a hot take or i'm completely off or whatever whatever.

so my disclaimers before i make another astronomically long post:

I DO NOT THINK ROS IS COMPLETELY IN THE RIGHT FOR HOW SHE TREATS BAD.

WHEN I'M TALKING ABOUT "CONSEQUENCES" LATER, I DO NOT MEAN THAT I LITERALLY THINK THEY ARE BEING PUNISHED BY THE STORY OR ANYONE ELSE.

I STILL LIKE BOTH OF THESE CHARACTERS - IT'S THE DISCUSSION AROUND THEM THAT FRUSTRATES ME.

i think that's it. let's dive into it!

let's get some things straight here; ros is completely and totally valid in being distrustful of badboyhalo. maybe she's not entirely correct, but she is valid.

she DOES NOT KNOW this motherfucker! everyone's telling her that she should, that it's weird that she doesn't, but for all ros knows, she just met this guy. this guy, she has been told by the closest people to her, has been threatening and killing her friends. for christ's sake, he killed her! and until a few days ago, she had no idea why!

so like. how do you want her to act. ros - the extremely protective, violent (no matter how much she tried to deny it) person she is - is going to be hostile towards him. yes, she will even encourage zam to kill him. idk man, if you know anything about ros, none of this is a shock to you. again, i do NOT think she's necessarily in the right, but i get why she treats bad the way she does.

and bad is perfectly okay to feel hurt by this! before her reset, they were really good friends. their relationship started off strenuous - he constantly killed her king, she tried everything she could to be respected by him, their factions were often at odds - but eventually, that relationship turned into something softer. she would go to him for advice, and he would answer her genuinely. she started to consider him a close friend of hers! she even trusted him with an incredibly delicate task - she asked him to kill her bc she wanted to be useful to him specifically.

so yes, both ros's loss of memories about him and the way she treats him are hurtful. i cannot deny that this muffinhead is going through it.

now this is where things get a little tricky, and i'm trying to be VERY CAREFUL with how i word this. but is this fallout not just... the natural consequences of their actions?

like ros. girl. do i really need to spell this out like a psa. SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER TO YOUR PROBLEMS! ros did not confront the real issues she had before her death, and dying didn't magically solve them. aimsey is still mad at her, she still feels worthless, and she doesn't know how to self-reflect! fundamentally, nothing changed for the better.

in fact, things changed for the worst! the memory of wanting to die was so so painful for her, that she left that memory behind! she doesn't remember why she died at all! yes, the emotions building up to it are left, but until a few days ago, she had no clue that she died because she wanted to. and - again - she does not know this man, why should she wholeheartedly trust him when he does tell her the truth?

so is forgetting badboyhalo, one of her close friends, not a natural consequence of this? like, this is just as much a punishment for ros as it is for bad. she lost a significant relationship because she asked him to kill her. forgetting the reasons for her death means forgetting him.

and bad. oh badboyhalo. i know that you saw killing ros as the kindest thing you could do, but was it? was it the right thing?

i don't care that he's an immortal being who is somewhat interpreted to be the embodiment of death - in what world is assisting in an extremely depressed, suicidal person's death a kind thing to do? maybe it temporarily pauses her suffering, but it doesn't solve the larger issues at hand, especially when the consequences of coming back from death are so severe.

he can make any excuse about deals he wants, but at the end of the day, no. he didn't have to kill her. he could have made a better choice, but he didn't. so is his loss of his relationship with ros not also a natural consequence?

again, i'm not saying that these are LITERAL CONSEQUENCES that the story/server/anyone is handing out to these characters. but the fallout that has ensued from that fateful crossbow shot is both of their burdens to bear. they can be mad/sad or withhold as much as they want from each other, but in the end, it's a bed they both made for themselves.

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I've always felt like character!Bad's love language has been gifts and acts of service. He loves feeling helpful. He'll be here for you, be it just to listen when you feel sad or to make you the best armor you've ever seen.

And yes, people might not show gratitude for his time and generosity, but he doesn't care, because that's his way of showing his friendship and he enjoys it!

So saying no to tr!aimsey, tr!ros and tr!tina (three people he cares about so deeply) was really painful for him. You can clearly see how he tries everything not to say no. He tried finding excuses, saying how tr!ros plotted to kill him, maybe hoping she'd say sorry or at least explain herself. Even if he knew tr!ros would have made a fake apology in order to get a reward out of it, I'm sure it would've been enough for tr!bad to make a new armor right away.

Then he wanted to set a very expensive price, so tr!aimsey would've been the one to say no in the end.

Even when tr!water showed him how he was providing the tools to hurt himself, he felt difficult to plainly say "no".

He loves being the one to provide and it hurts him to feel useless. I'd even argue that ofc he was mad at tr!water for walking around without armor, but also a bit because she asked tr!aimsey to help her with that and not him. (But that's my take, I can be very wrong here) It's not jealousy per say, but if his friends find help elsewhere, will they stay his friend?

In his low self-esteem vision of himself, his generosity is definitely something he thinks add value to his personality (cf that time on qsmp talking with q!tina where q!bad said people only put up with him, paraphrased). More often than not, people took advantages of that, but oh well! Does it matter the reasons why they hang out with him as log as he's not alone?

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silence

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i love how Ominous Bad's team looks like from another perspective but in reality they're just kicking their feet, giggling

inspired by this post!

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zam in a flapper dress pls see my vision

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zam saying every time she crowds pili she imagines she wraps her arms around his neck/shoulders… oh they’re so wonderful

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Pili: badboyhalooooooo :3 Bad: yes? Pili: badboyhaloooooo how much do you love me? :3 Bad: So much, pili. I love you so much and I'm so happy you're back, and not dead anymore. Pili: oh now I feel bad because I'm about to ask for something Water: yeah he's good at that Pili: badboyhalooooo :( Bad: yes? pili: can I have a pick............ Bad: yeah go ahead its in the base Pili: thank you :(