#IDK IM JUST TRYING TO READ THE TEXT
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something about Dean telling Cass, "you're our brother" in the same episode where he explains to Amara that she's only been attracted to him because on some level she views him as a substitute for her brother, in the same episode where he apologizes to Cass for being too wrapped up in his relationship with Sam to pay attention to him, something about Amara believing that the thing Dean needs most is for his mother to come back to life, something about both Dean and Amara struggling to differentiate a need for familial love from a need for sexual or romantic love, something about Amara feeling the same yearning he feels, except his is cloaked in shame, something about how he can't control himself when it comes to his heart, something about the bomb being placed there in his chest, in the same spot where Amara wears the mark of cain
#send tweet#not wincest#but like I guess it is a little bit#IDK IM JUST TRYING TO READ THE TEXT#spn#dean winchester#amara spn#castiel#sam winchester#destiel#he's bisexual your honor
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Funny stuff happens on twitter sometimes dkslfjsdlkf
#these tags are dedicated to the person who told me to stop hiding headcanon info in the tags#im still doing it LKSDFSDFKLFJ#anyway some exposition for my tumblr fans:#J never sleeps. like ever#if she does āsleepā she usually does it sitting in the drop-pod#a lah inuyasha style LMAO#if that makes sense#she never even slept during Tessa's sleepovers#she'd just lay there letting her mind wander#But it always stressed Tessa out that J never relaxed#so one day she was finally able to convince J to TRY. just once.#the first time J ever slept and the first time she truly let her guard down in that manor#was curled up. as small as she could be. next to Tessa.#J was so scared of being found. of being hurt for stopping just once.#so Tessa sat with her the entire time. So she could feel safe enough to finally rest#J can't sleep because it means she'd have to physically stop#and after so long since she the last time she was allowed to rest#I don't think she knows how any more.#and if she did I doubt she'd let herself stop for even a moment#because stopping means letting it catch up to you#its easier just to keep moving; isn't it?#its easier then facing the fact she'll never lay next to her ever again#or smth idk im not a writer lol#ANYWAY thanks for reading :]#murder drones#serial designation j#serial designation v#uzi doorman#tessa is mentioned but I don't really think it warrants a tags :p#I really should be making text posts if im gonna make tags this friggin long
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hey guys am i allowed to say on main that i dont like metadad . am i gonna get beaten up for saying this.
guys i think we all took the term found family too literally and now everythings flattened into a boring nuclear family. guys can we stop. hello . is anybody there
#text#it was kinda charming at first but it feels like everytime i try to look at the mk tag its always the same shit . guys. guys.#we can do so much more w/ their dynamics than just dad and son ugh its so . ughhh.#every since i realized i was like . really really aroace. ive started to grow a bit of a distaste for shipping culture#this is relavant i swear. iwanna talk about metadede#like ok in fandoms right. theres often#the enforcement of specific roles onto characters for a simplified understanding of them for memes and drawing ideas#we want gay rep but we dont quite have it canonically so we make our queer headcanons seem more legit#by giving a char a same sex partner. ok easy we did it. gay people are real now#and we get awesome art and its wonderful bc people are wonderful#but its like . the relationships themselves feel flat a lot of the times.#metadede never seems to be about dedede. its about mk having a boyfriend. bc we need him to date someone.#and im not like . mad at anyone about this. i participated in it back in the day. but like.#ok so. gay hcs are the most popular in most fandom things bc its easy; hot; and sweet#but things like aro or ace hcs? its just. they. how can you depict that in a single framed drawing of a char?so theres none at all.#its not even that i actively hc chars aroace its jsut this is my world view; how i default to reading chars#maybe this rant in the tags is unrelated after all.#but idk. ive got lots of thoughts about things.#anyways as ceo of meta knigth im right about everything#i can talk more about metadad stuff specifically if people want
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i do think a good shtola arc for the future would be like, her sort of calculated recklessness with her own life negatively affecting someone else and her having to reckon with that
#like for example i just donāt think they dealt with her forever altering thancred!!!#man. they could have done so much with that + the tension between them in shb#i feel like ppl donāt really consider how close they are like she has a whole little speech about how she expects better of him#bc she knows he can be better!! bc theyāve known each other so long.#and now she has to charge his cartridges bc she permanently altered his ability to use aether. while trying to save him!!#i have like a vague memory of him being like well iām not mad bc she saved me but i have no idea if thatās real or i read it in a post ahdj#i donāt have thancred brain im sorryš#but anyway. they care about each other so much but i think they should have gone into this a little more.#well thereās always fic.#i need a text post tag#shadowbringers spoilers#oh i forgot where i started with this but essentially i want her to like really have to think about how far she will#go for answers. and to decide when itās enough!! idk what i hope the outcome will be.
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every time i see a post that is like "ughh why cant we have aspec characters who aren't aroace for once" I have to do a double take like "is the aroace rep in the room with us right now?" because genuinely....where is all this aroace rep y'all are complaining about? Why cant i find it yet it's apparently the only aspec rep we get?? You admit that TV never says the word aromantic so where is the aroace rep. So far I've pretty much only seen canonically asexual characters and not much else buddy.
#text#half the time i think these ppl see other aspec ppl saying that x character feels aroace and then they take it as canon rep#instead of an interpretation of the character which likely was never meant to be written as aspec at all#because majority of people don't even know what that is#this isn't me saying that we shouldn't have aroallo or alloace rep btw#this is me complaining about people throwing aroace ppl under the bus because apparently we are 'hogging' all the representation in media#and it just reads as people being aphobic towards aroace people specifically and it drives me insane#you can ask for more aroallo and alloace characters without complaining and shitting on aroace characters????#like bro we are all on the same fucking team. we are all trying to get seen and understood. we all want to see ourselves in media#stop fighting like one of us is somehow way more privileged than the other because 'you have x rep'#we all have crumbs my guy. just because someone else is getting crumbs doesn't mean that its your crumbs being taken.#idk i see so many posts like this and it makes me feel so unwelcome in the aro and ace communities#im tired of aroace people being used as a scapegoat that you can target to pretend like you're punching up#when in reality you're just committing friendly fire against people who are on your team#i miss when the aro and ace communities used to like... work together as a big aspec community#now ppl r way too focused on separating them and acting like they have nothing in common and don't have the same goals#and both communities now tend to put a lot of blame onto aroace people because of stereotypes we never had control over in the first place#it's exhausting#like the aphobia is coming from inside the house#i didn't go through the ace discourse on tumblr to deal with this shit.
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can ppl in this fandom like... stop... implying that transmasculinity in hcs or (especially) canon is shallow or misogynistic or even transmisogynistic on princible, like literally just by being prescent in someones mind or in the text. like that doesnt fuckin feel good. thats kind of really nasty to imply. if its not okay to say about other trans experiences, maybe dont say it about this one either. why is there a weird little exception here. yall KNOW how much that sucks to hear all day every day. what the fuck
#my t#idk how to tell the hs fandom that every piece of trans coding in roxy in hs1 can be read as transmasc too. like transfem and transmasc#at the same time from the EXACT same reasons. its almost like we all share experiences just by way of being trans. weird i know#its almost like being trans rlly truly highlights what it is to be human and how we are all in fact at the end of the day human together#i just want everyone to stop trying to 'poke holes' in other fans trans hcs FULL STOP across the board no matter who they are#or what the hc is. its needlessly hurtful and more often than not trips into real peoples dysphoria which then#makes the target more likely to lash out. so the person poking them abt it can do a ''SEE? THEYRE ALL MEAN ONE OF THEM#WAS MEAN TO ME JUST NOW'' routine. its so obviously a 'im not touching u!!!' playground maneuver like holy fuck grow up#if you wanna fight for transfem/me folks right to just exist random fans personal headcanons is not the fuckin time or place#the XY in roxys name could be read as her having been DMAB or it could be hussie having a long running giggle about him preordering#his own transmasculinity. roxys colour being pink could be bc shes a girl or it could be compcis!!!#roxys desperation for a bf is from loneliness in canon but its often read as her feeling like she needs one to be a real girl#it can ALSO be read as another aspect of him struggling with compcis and comphet esp w/ his fantasies abt being 'a mother'#yknow what i never fuckin see that rlly highlights the fact that this is just a shitty 'girls rule boys drool' thing? theres like. no#discussions on the potential of roxy being any kinda intersex. absolutely none. he could be mtftm for all you fuckin know#but oh yknow being mtftm is A Shallow Read so we cant have that. hs is only for girls didnt you know we need to terf- i mean turf#out every single instance of queer mascness bc its Evil in the text didnt you know#god help the fandoms word of god token trans boy dirk strider for 'choosing' his eternal misery while everyone else is enlightened#by way of transforming into a girl. bc we must place girlhood on an inhuman pedistal of perfection and niceness and joy and rainbows#like what IS this mahou shojo brand gender essentialism???? im fuckin sick of it#can we remember that girlhood isnt & wasnt safe or joyful for everyone & that that can translate into how we curate our fandom experiences
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i know this has been said 473773474833 times by the kavetham/haikaveh shippers and probably even nonshippers, but i'll say it again. I finally finished the genshin summer event and did the little after quest in sumeru and.....every time kaveh is sneaking around trying not to be noticed coming out of alhaithams house it's just such a gay vibe. he's basically screaming "I can't be caught being gay in a homophobic society!" even if that's not what the game writers are *actually* saying. that's just how it comes off and they can't make it come off any other way. with hoyo's gay history, it makes me wonder if it's on purpose and all a cover-up to have a technically different reason for it so they can get away with it lmao but we will never know.
#lee text#genshins#i can acknowledge how gay they are without liking thr ship#flashback to several kavetham/haikaveh (whatevwr their ship name is) shippers on here attacking me over not liking the ship#trying to āeducateā me on why theyre sk gay and why i should ship it#look i didnt say they arent gay af. and these shippers dismissed my feelings completely#i think it was after that one event with the competition thing that kaveh won? idk but just they way they interacted#the way alhaitham talked to kaveh and the way kaveh responded TRIGGERED A TRAUMA RESPONSE IN ME#which made me dislike the ship and their dynamic! i didnt CARE if he was well meaning. the way he talked to kaveh#triggered a fight or flight response in me because it sounded similar to how ive been talked to and kaveh getting upset was similar to#how ive reacted to the same words. you can also argue my family cares about me like alhaitham does kaveh and its how he helps#but it doesnt mean its the kind of help we need and it doenst traumatize us lmao#so i dont get why people were so angry at me for getting triggered by this ship and disliking it for that reason#while i can still admit that they are gay af and seem to get a long a bit better after that and i can tolerate them now#since its been a while and i dont remember it enough to have a trauma response when seeing them anymore lmao#but its just annoying that shippers can be so toxic š they care more about their fictional men ship than me. a real person. weird#not tagging the ship so i dont get more angry shippers in my notes....but they found me last time with no tags so hi. dont yell at me again!#but maybe no one will care since im putting my āanti ship propagandaā in the tags this time and not the main post lmao#just dont read my tags so you dont get mad at me for being uncomfortable by this ship dynamic. but if youre reading this...its too late#leave me alone they arent real and i am so im more important right š
#let me shame the shippers that dismissed my real feelings because they think their ship is more important than a real person lmao#you cant tell me im wrong when a trauma response isnt a choice and happens against your will š#BE ASHAMED YOU NERDS#I WILL BITE YOUR KNEECAPS#sorry i just had to vent lmao
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#no but i actually hate that i made this blog to vent freely bc i have no other place to talk abt anything or my feelings or thoughts#and im a very isolated person and a shut in and i dont have a job or go to school successfully and i dont know anyone#like blah blah. i have struggled and im drowning in them all. like why the fuck cant ppl just comprehend that we all have different views o#life and the world? like 'wallowing' is .. i have heavy anxiety which is completely untreated and it gives me real bad suicidal ideation#if me complaining on a blog that im btw not forcing anyone to read helps me to stay alive and get my pain out... why does that matter to#other ppl?????? like why does other ppl get so mad seeing someone they dont know vent??#also this goes for everyone but u can literally have no idea abt all of a person's life#esp on here where all u see is like my text posts where i vent abt how i FEEL. bc i want to. ??? i want to do that so i do#u dont know the context u dont know my experiences or what has happened in my life or context#u dont know what has transpired between me and other ppl i vent abt#like u know fuck all. u dont have the right to pass judgement onto a stranger that doesnt even know u exist#and even if i complain on here bc i dont have a real life but i want to#u have no idea what im doing with the rest of my time???? im making lists im trying to look up info abt school and programs#im trying to read abt my mental health issues and im doing mindfulness and im going to the gym#i am trying!!! and u dont have any idea what i do or how i try and u dont have any right to judge me bc all u see is one part that is me#complaining bc this is what i use this blog for. genuinely i do not get why this is even a big deal or why anyone would follow or read smth#makes them irritated???????#idk.. i dont wanna disable anons and stuff (bc funnily enough no one ever says this stuff with their url š¤Ø) bc i dont wanna miss out on the#stuff but it is infuriating that i have nowhere to go no friends no therapist etc etc to talk#and this is all i have bc i want to vent !!!!!!! and then i have to be like ok now other ppl i dont even know#and who dont actually give a fuck abt me are gonna judge me and tell me im living incorrectly#and ive never gotten more such things than now? why do y'all hate that i vent abt losing out on my 1st love#and feeling heartbroken?????? what the fuck? that has nothing to do with anyone else but me? like genuinely wtf#i just wanna vent bc i feel like im drowning but now i feel like i cant bc ppl just judge and like ugh
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#omfg i feel so completely melodramatic for typing this out rn but i have so many feelings and i need to get them out!!! DX#anyways so since just before the sunshine court came out i have yet again gone down an aftg rabbit hole#and what im here to specifically cry about is kevin#when i first read aftg my opinions on the characters were so different to what they were now#i cant completely remember how i felt about kevin. part of me thinks i felt that he was treated way too harshly by the others considering#the trauma he went through but part of me thinks maybe? i didnt care too much for him back then because i was taking the book at face value#and just going with how neil viewed him which is that hes The Best at exy but sort of annoying and harsh and needs to stick for himself more#idk idk but as of recent ive just been having a lot of emotions thinking about him. and especially wymack and him.#like he was just robbed of so much. and hes honestly so brave despite what people may think? hes soso flawed but thats what makes me love#him even more. he's just trying. so hard. to undo everything thats been engrained in him. and i just wanna cry and cry and cry!!!#because hes come so far! and hes amazing. and i wish i could properly express everything thats running through my mind rn but thats all i#got. back to reading fic centering kevin and wymack now š#le text post
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up next on chapter 36 of idol sengenā¦ _(:3 ćā )_
#(my toxic trait is that iāll complain about my work endlessly but still end up doing it anywayā¦ eventually.)#thereās rant 1 (ft. a need to deduce what asuna is saying in full) and rant 2 (which is available in full but stillā¦)#thereās also another mona-rambling session in chapter 38ā¦ that im not touching with a 50 foot pole#(all you need to know for that mona-rambling [about frusu] is that monaās frusu oshi is all of them)#(and that she thinks miyu is like *the* pinnacle of centres in idol groups)#(also someone won a junior dance competition but idk who bc itās obscured lmao)#can i outsource these panels for a corn chip lmaoooo#m. maybe i shouldāve actually worked on this while i was still unemployed last month huhā¦#bc excuse me company wdymmmmmm im starting work next monday?? the interview was just this monday hello?#ig the interviewer was legit when she said āso if i asked you if you can start work next mondayāā huhā¦#sighā¦ maybe ch 36 next month thenā¦ iāll do my best over the weekend thoughhhhh#seriously though why is this volume so text heavy l m a o i really wanna get to chapter 40 butā¦#and then thereās the hard to clean text boxes whichā¦ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#ā¦though i guess i should just count myself lucky that the chapters are still short enough to fit into a single post (with the image limits)#but dang. i just realised that my manga sengen thing has a page on manga updates lmao#who put it there lmaooooo and why is it only up till vol 2? wait. no. what. why does it link to manga.dex#bc dang. someone really had the time to dl the thing image by image? no wonder why they stopped after vol 2ā¦#guess i might as well say why i dont want people to reupload my tlsā¦ since weāre in the final stretch and all#so. aside from the obvious āidw the creators to find out about itāā¦ i probably made a ton of mistakes while tling it. esp in the early chaps#so iād like to. yāknow. have the chance to update the tls where possible. iāve done that a couple of times already tbh.#like with rippeiās name post-vol 4 release. and some of the typesetting is p. gross in the early chaps tbvh#i swear tling idol sengen has made me incredibly conscious of grammar and typesetting like you wouldnt believe#esp with official tlsā¦ fan tls will always be perfect to me no matter how wonky the wording bc itās hard but honest work yk#official tls (esp a.i tls) get no concessions from me bc itās their job that theyāre getting paid to do yk.#in any case (if youāve read this far) if you see any mistakes in the tl please lemme know~~~ please dont hold back on your criticisms ok~~~?#just sound āem out in dms here or sth. donāt worry~~~ i wonāt eat yāall if you try to correct me~~~~~ unless youāre the md reuploader (jk)#and ik i disabled comments on the other blog (or tried to at least) but thatās bc idw bots to flood the comments bc thatās annoying as heā#anyways sorry for the idol sengen wait (if anyone was waiting for itā¦) iāll improve on my work ethicā¦ tomorrow. maybe.
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I've decided to get rid of my body, it only causes problems
#im sick and im not doing well about it#last night it started with runny nose and sore throat. now its added bodyaches. headache. and sleebiness#i hate bodyaches the most. like not being able to stay upright or walk because my bones ache is the worst#i shouldnt be able to feel all of my bones but here we are#ive slept literally all day except when i showered and called in sick to work for tomorrow#tomorrow wouldve been my fifth day at work. not great to call off this early#now that ive regained a little energy im trying to knit and watch the marvels and dimension 20#not at the same time#knitting is not normally a taxing activity but rn it feels like im fighting for my life#also my boss just left me on read when i texted her. cuz idk the protocol for calling out at this place so i just texted her#and ive been left on read. hopefully that wont be a problem tomorrow. cuz im too tired to care#ugh this body just loves being sick at the worst possible times#surely its not my fault for consistently not eating or sleeping well#anyway goodnight
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<3 my bestie is coming over to watch my momās favorite movies with me
#she was really concerned bc i havenāt really been responding to texts all week bc yeah#and she sent me a bunch of messages last night likeāi live you and if you donāt reply thatās okay but also iām going to show up and check#up on youā#and āi know you strong but i love you and want you as my best friend forever eā#š„ŗš„ŗš„ŗšš©· i cried reading them sheās so kind to me#she knows i close myself off when im sad but im#iām trying to get better idk just not rn#mom tag
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I'd be more into gravity falls right now if the fandom wasn't so allergic to being happy bc I'll be honest since trying to join I can't find. ANYTHING cute or happy its all SAD.
#lloyds meowing#i cant go on twitter or tiktok without being bombarded by angst regarding characters in this fucking show#just once dawg. ONE HAPPY HEADCANON OR FANFIC OR COMIC OR SOMETHING. IM BEGGING#idk. ill probably delete this later#but it genuinely breaks my heart that im too much of a big dumb crybaby to enjoy the g.f. fandom#this bullshit of crying when anything remotely big or sad or FUCK.#i even cry when i see good good fnaf and dsaf stuff bc im so proud to be around such talented people#but i dont have a friend to talk to bc if i try to talk or even text i get so worked up i cry#and i guess im just not fun to have a conversation with generally.#idk. im gonna delete this before i get off work tonight#im sorry you have to read the ramblings of a mentally ill and troubled man
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rant <3
#so i told my friend im thinking abt engaging more in my christian community again starting w going to church more and visiti g exchanges etc#she kniws abt basically all my other friends being more than less religious and active in their respective communities#+ my family being religious even during soviet times and she even kniws abt the orthodox side of my family#so this shouldnt surprise her this much#why is she trying to talk me out of it saying christianity is evil and she cant agree to creationism like ok bitch me too#she acting as if im gonna become some republican american blonde woman or an primitive medieval peasant wthhh#and like i get it she and her family have always been agnostic and she doesnt have any personal experience with believe and faith#but that is even more reason to shut the hell up?? especially bc i just told her as like a life update i didnt want to start a discussion#w an agnostic no less#ppl like that make me so uncomfortable and then she kept saying things like this person is godless as a joke like stfu???#and kept bringing up she csnt believe in god at random times it made me so umcomfortable#especially bc now i feel hesitant to invite her to hangouts w my more 'strict' friends like idk what she thinks abt them and i dont want to#expose my friends who have to listen to enough shit to someone like that like i want my home to be a safe space for my friends#anyways thats the same girl who keeps telling me she doesnt think im white and when i tell her her saying this makes me uncomfortable#shes argues its ok bc she is not white herself ok wth im literally german/slavic how is that not white im crying#cant really articulate what exactly makes me uncomfy abt this but feels like she wants to enable me its really weird#also with tge christian stuff like ive always been religious she kniws abt me reading religious texts its so weird to me#why are you my friend if you disagree with a foundamental part of my life#maybe she thoight i was an ok one bc me and my familys approach to believe and faith is very relaxed but wth man
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trying to like. slowly come out to my friend before pride month is over but its kind of. Not working š¤£š¤£ im so bummed
#trying to like#read if he'd be judgy or not#and the mixed signals are crazy#weirdest thing is im like so sure he knows? but just... forgot?#IDK BRO#text#personal
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I love the part of Harry's character that Venom brought out in him is his insecurity in the stability of his friendship with Peter... like you can glean from MJ as Scream and Peter when he had the symbiote; that it brings out things that DO exist in you, your insecurity, your fears, doubts, and it accentuates it and consumes you and makes you angry. With Harry it's not really implied or said until the end of the game that he was jealous of Miles, and Harry without Venom probably didn't think too hard on this feeling, he probably knew it wasn't anything to be seriously upset over, just a passing thing. But WITH Venom its encompasses him & is shown in How he talks to Peter & Miles in their respective fights with him. He was jealous of Miles, probably because Miles & Peter became close friends while Harry was in his little green tube. He felt that Miles was replacing his relationship with Peter while he was gone. In reality, this couldn't be further from the truth, being that Peter literally started ignoring Miles (even before the symbiote suit!) to be with Harry. In Peter's boss fight with Venom, Harry says "[I've] never been good enough for you... Or Dad." Again, a insecurity Harry had that is now consuming him as Venom and making him angry. I think that Harry probably is, like, jealous of Peter in a way. Almost DEFINITELY after seeing Norman say how he's proud of Peter. There's probably a couple points of jealousy there, but I haven't thought too long or hard about it to talk about it with any confidence. I also think that Peter makes Harry upset in a way only he can, because they're so close and have been friends for so long. Just, like, everything from the "intervention" with MJ & Harry about the symbiote suit to when Harry gets the symbiote near the end of the game & becomes Venom; I think goes to show that. (Though, I feel like anyone would be Royally Pissed Off at Peter for that Regardless of closeness. I think it probably hurt a lot more BECAUSE of how close they are.) Peter has been a consistent, welcoming staple in Harry's life for a long time. He used to go over to Peter's house every day after school, and stay the night when he found out his mom was sick. I think it makes a lot of sense that he has some complicated feelings surrounding Peter that weren't super hinted at Until he became Venom. Because ultimately, he loves Peter a lot! It's that kind of thing where, Peter makes him feel so much more happier than he does any other negative feeling, so I think it makes sense for him not really to show any particular negative feeling he might have surrounding Peter. If That Makes Any Sense. (Unless, of course, Peter makes him mad. Which He Does In The Game.) You know, like, even after the symbiote Chose Peter over him, and Peter couldn't give it back, and Harry was dying again... He still made a hologram recording and thought Peter could make a seed for the Emily May foundation, regardless of if he was still around to see it happen. Even as Venom, he wanted to fulfill their dream together, almost desperately. IDK!!!!! Just a very interesting part of Harry's character to me
#text#spiderman 2 spoilers#sm2 spoilers#msm2 spoilers#Sorry trying to cover all my bases here#i feel really Shy posting my analysis and interpretations on here cause i always have this fear that i read things wrong#BUT its too long for twitter so im posting it here. Sorry#also this is coming from someone who this is really my first proper introduction to Harry as a character so !!!!#idk if anything i wrote here is a established trait of his or if like im a little wrong abt something thats a established trait#that the game just didnt rly go into a lot#idk just caveats cause again Im Shy
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