#I. Am literally just so fucking exhausted all the time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mellotronmkll · 7 months

Text

Would love to work my way back up to being the type of person who can do more than 2 or 3 things per week and in fact possibly even does multiple things in the same day but boy I am not there yet

#Still make one plan and then need 5 full days to recover and I'm in awe of people who are like #Yes I had my yoga class this morning then I'm gonna go grab lunch with a friend then I need to go home and work on this thing for a few hou #Then gonna go to a party like that is so far from my life just thinking about it makes me feel anxious but #I would genuinely love for that to be my life but it feels so unthinkable rn #But I just have to keep slowly working at it I guess #Because I've been like that at points in my life however right now we're at the #If I leave my house for a 30 minute walk every day and see one other person besides my partner in a 7 day period #And do One hobby for like 20 minutes a day then that's all I can manage and the week was a success 😭#But i guess we all have to start somewhere #I. Am literally just so fucking exhausted all the time

5 notes · View notes

letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 3 months

Text

Not to be a total asshole here but if I get one more "I need more! give me more!" comment on my Platonic Sugar Baby Buddie AU, it's going away. It has literally been two weeks since my last update, during which time I've been working on another fanfic, finishing up my second part-time job, working a full-time job, and being an adult with a full life.

I have never experienced this amount of whining in my entire time in this fandom and I can only presume that it's new people to the fandom who have an appalling lack of etiquette.

It's literally people just saying "give me more! I want more! hurry up!" And while none of you are at all entitled to my personal business, it sure doesn't help the depressive episode I'm in that y'all are doing this.

I love sharing my fics with you guys, and I love the enthusiasm and joy that you have for my writing. But the sudden influx of demands for sequels, for specific scenes in fics, unprompted fic, smut, and chapter suggestions, and now just outright demanding like a toddler for an update is disheartening, annoying, and the opposite of encouraging.

Please stop. Please. Please stop.

#lincoln writes stuff #lincoln rants #you think I don't feel bad not updating regularly?#you think I don't wish I could post a chapter every few days for you?#I spent two months working three jobs #and JUST wrapped up my second job #I'm currently on my period dying of cramps #what the fuck do you want from me?#if you all want to pay me so I can just write fic for you all then great I have a ko-fi and a Patreon hop to it #I am EXHAUSTED fucking hell #oh! and the icing on the cake?#I'VE BEEN WORKING ON ANOTHER BUDDIE FIC FOR YOU ALL THIS ENTIRE TIME #my muse wanted to work on The Gang Plays D&D so I was #I'M LITERALLY STILL MAKING STUFF FOR YOU UNGRATEFUL BRATS #I will probably delete this later when I have calmed down

86 notes · View notes

makeawishandskimit · 3 months

Text

@ all variations of "Thirteen wasn't actually queer"/"15Rogue was more convincing than Thasmin"/"Thasmin was queerbait" etc.

#thasmin #thirteenth doctor #13th doctor #yasmin khan #yaz khan #chibnall haters do not fucking interact I do not care #i am explicitly not looking for discourse about this i'm just fucking tired #they literally mean so fucking much to me and it's just kinda fucking exhausting how dismissive people are of them all the time

136 notes · View notes

krispiecake · 1 year

Text

tell me why i can hear another tenants fucking music from my flat. HE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN MY BUILDING. HE LIVES IN A COMPLETELY SEPARATE BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND I CAN HEAR HIS MUSIC FROM MY FLAT. MY FLAT WHICH IS IN A DIFFERENT SEPARATE BUILDING.

#and staff just say ‘oh we can’t do anything bc its not 11pm yet.’#ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.#i am autistic person who has just spent a full 12hrs in extremely overstimulating public spaces #i am exhausted and i have had to wake up at ass o’clock in the fucking morning #every day for the past like week and a half and will be expected to do so for the forseeable future #i am extremely sensitive to noise and have no ability to zone things out #like everything is always at the same volume for me #all the fucking time no matter what #and they say like oh well in the community there wouldnt be anything to be done so we cant do anything here #BUT WE ARENT IN THE COMMUNITY. ARE WE. WE ARE AT A SUPPORTED LIVING ACCOMMODATION WHERE I HAVE BEEN PLACED #BY MY LOCAL AUTHORITY WHO ARE PAYING TWENTY THREE GRAND A YEAR #AND I AM PAYING FIVE HUNDRED A MONTH #IN ORDER TO RECIEVE SUPPORT FOR MY DISABILITIES. A BIG ONE BEING MY FUCKING AUTISM.#YOU KNOW. THE ONE WHICH IS BEING DIRECTLY IMPACTED BY THE BEHAVIOUR OF ANOTHER TENANT.#WHEN I AM BEING PUSHED TO MY LIMIT ALREADY. LIKE IDK FEELS KINDA CRAZY THAT THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SORTED.#i fucking hate men there is just literally no fucking respect or consideration like its genuinely disgusting and so fucking infuriating #and like he says that staff (women. btw) are being too naggy about it. but never fucking stops to consider that maybe.#maybe people wouldnt have to ‘nag’ you about it IF YOU JUST. DIDNT DO THE THING THAT IS ACTIVELY CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE STRESS.#IDK FUCKING WILD IDEA JUST THOUGHT OF IT.#literally die i want everyone involved to die like I CANNOT DO THISSSSSSSSSSSS

102 notes · View notes

peaches2217 · 2 months

Text

I have so many varied and fun WIPs I could work on but my brain continues to scream “BE WEIRD ABOUT CHILDBIRTH! SURELY YOU WON’T WEIRD ANYONE OUT IF YOU KEEP WRITING ABOUT CHILDBIRTH!” and I’d like it to sTOP

#I HAVE TOKOPHOBIA CHILDBIRTH AND PREGNANCY IN GENERAL REPULSE ME #(not to be confused with ‘I find it repulsive’ — its natural and plenty of people find it beautiful and more power to ‘em! me personally…)#BUT I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT MARIO RUSHING TO HIS WIFE’S BEDSIDE AND FRANTICALLY TRYING TO HELP HER RELAX #WHEN IN FACT SHE IS ALREADY RELAXED AND HE NEEDS BREATHING EXERCISES MORE THAN SHE DOES #AND THE MENTAL AND PHYSICAL EXHAUSTION THEY BOTH UNDERGO AS THE HOURS TICK BY AND THE PAIN GETS WORSE #PEACH HURTING AND ANXIOUS AND FRANKLY KINDA TERRIFIED BUT BLINDLY LEANING ON AND TRUSTING HER HUSBAND WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT #AND OF COURSE HE REFUSES TO LET HER DOWN BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH HE’S FRAZZLED HE’S NOT GOING TO LET HER GO THROUGH THIS ALONE #AND AND AND #PEACH TREMBLING AND WEEPING IN RELIEF WHEN SHE’S HANDED HER LITTLE GIRL AND FEELS HER TAKE HER FIRST BREATHS AND HEARS HER FIRST CRIES #MARIO PEPPERING HER FACE IN KISSES AND JUST REPEATING ‘brava! brava! brava!’ BECAUSE HIS WIFE IS SO STRONG AND SO INCREDIBLE #AND IT DOESN’T REALLY HIT HIM UNTIL THEIR BABY’S ALL CLEANED AND SWADDLED AND HE’S HOLDING HER FOR THE FIRST TIME AND HE JUST #STARTS FUCKING BAWLING #AND WHISPERING TO HER IN HIS NATIVE TONGUE ABOUT HOW MUCH HE LOVES HER AND HOW HE’S SO HAPPY TO MEET HER AND HE’S GONNA PROTECT HER #THE IMMEDIATE AFTERMATH! THE FIRST SLEEPLESS HOURS AND DAYS! NAVIGATING IT ALL TOGETHER AND IT BRINGS THEM EVEN CLOSER #WHY AM I LIKE THIS #I SEE PREGNANT BELLIES OR NEWBORN BABIES IRL AND I’M LIKE ‘🤢’#BUT WHEN IT’S MY OTPS I AM LITERALLY OBSESSED #WHY #MAKE IT MAKE SENSE 😭😭😭

11 notes · View notes

puthyflapps · 10 months

Text

Swifties prove everyday that they’re the dumbest people on the internet and that’s really saying something cuz I’ve dealt directly with blarkes

#1) swifites always being racist toward Beyoncé #2) swifities doxxing a Palestinian girl and sending her info to the IDF cuz she said that there were better options for Time’s PotY #3) swifites beefing with North West – a literal child – cuz they thot she “shaded” Taylor #4) swifites commenting snake emojis on Kim K’s insta posts thinking they’re doing something other than driving up her engagement and lining #her pockets #t swift #also these are all just annoying things I’ve seen happen TODAY #I cannot wait until we are released from whatever govt psyop we’ve been under for the past few years cuz I’m over this endless string of #swift propaganda 🔫🔫🔫 it’s literally insane and no matter how many times I block people or hit not interested in posts I am still forced to #see shit about her like it is never ending and it’s so fucking exhausting like the way white women in particular make being a swifite their #whole personality is so embarrassing!!! THIS EOMAN CANNOT SING YALL!! AND IM TIRED OF BEING NICE AND SAYING SHE HAS DEVENT SONG WRITING #SKILLS CUZ SHE DOESNT!! EVERYTHING ABOUT HER IS MEDIOCRE AT BEST!!! SHE CANNOY SING AND HER LYRICS ARE THE MUSICAL EQUIVALENT OF WATTPAD FF!#I am so tired of this bullshit and I used to be able to find reprieve in football but no more!! cuz her and her annoying cult have #infiltrated that too like this shit is annoying and I feel like I’m going crazy cuz she’s everywhere and not in an organic way. In a very #strategic marketing capitalistic way and I love The Wilds but I hate how the fandom has like woven TS into everything there too like #I think I’m gonna commit a crime. I think imma toss someone through a brick wall cuz I’m losing it

16 notes · View notes

northwest-cryptid · 10 days

Text

I literally feel like I'm dying and I need to see a doctor, but I can't worry about that right now because

My bank account is literally in the negatives because I'm too disabled to work and can't make money but I can't worry about that right now because

I'm months overdue on getting my car new tags, but it won't even start if I could drive it so I need to jump the battery and get gas which I don't have money for, but I can't worry about that right now because

People are still expecting me to be social across numerous friend groups and it's pulling me in so many directions that I'm stretched so thin I'm running on no social battery for the last month, but I can't worry about that right now because

I still need to actually clean the house, do the dishes, clean the cat litter boxes, vacuum, and do my laundry... but I can't worry about that right now because

I still need to actually set up my new desk so I can stream since I haven't been able to do that for weeks and streaming is unfortunately my only source of income for how little I make every month, but I can't worry about that right now because

My partner is going through a really hard time right now and I need to be there for her and do what I can to make sure she's okay.

#People like me don't make it man. We just don't.#I'm hyper dependent on others to the point where I'd be homeless without my partner #I'm stressed day in and day out I get messages from people who want me to play games or hang out or just chat and I can't even #find the time to respond because I have 12 other things I need to be doing and those 12 other things aren't getting done because #every single thing I need to do is preventing me from doing something else and at the end of it all my health is getting worse and worse #and as it gets worse it costs more to fix and I can't get on disability without paying for a lawyer with money I literally do not have #and I'm losing it I'm literally going insane I'm pissed off because I see people blame the country I live in or the circumstances I'm in #and they act like they can't do anything and it'd be wrong of me to ask them for help #and I know when I die (and at this point it won't be long) they're going to act like this is the fault of america or some shit #they're not going to think about how they could have helped #and it sucks because some of my friends DO try to help they really do and I love them for it but it's so hard for me to see people #who don't make much money and who are also in tough situations throwing what they can at me to help me when I know people who have so much #they spend it frivolously on luxuries and I want to strangle them but then I'm not owed anything so it's not my place to tell them how #to spend their money or live their life.#and I'm tired man I'm so fucking tired I can't even stay awake for a few hours before I am too exhausted to sit upright anymore #I pass out and find myself without energy before I've even done anything and I'm only 29.

6 notes · View notes

my5hiningstars · 20 days

Text

.

#y'all ever spent a whole afternoon trying to identify a font or are u normal #literally whoever said that the font ashton used for botd is 'just a generic font' was Wrong it literally ISN'T #at least not the caligraphy font that the lower case is in that font is Impossible to find #every time i find a letter that matches the weirdness of one of the letters like #the h that curves in or the o that is literally sideways what is going On with that o #like neither of them match the other one and i'm exhausted #and when i tried to find a tool to look it up they're all like we used ai to find it from a picture!#literally fuck off i'm so tired.....#graphic design is my passion but at what Cost #edit: i am giving up on my dreams of having a pretty blood on the drums cd case that looks good :(#just gonna burn a cd and write what's on it in cd marker (not sharpie bc that might cause the cd to deteriorate faster..)#when someone gets the vinyl pls send me pics so i can live vicariously through u 🥺

2 notes · View notes

angelstrawbabie420 · 2 months

Text

hmm i think i am not coping. very well

#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore #i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care #and it’s going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that #july was so horrible. so so bad it’s the worst month ive had since my dad’s passing #i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before #but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it #nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become it’s not like that’s a relationship i #truly feel supported and safe in but it’s all i have #ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting #i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e #even try. and when i want to it’s a task so daunting and draining #i don’t have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds #despite knowing a community of some kind would help #but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not #i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either #i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place #ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you #cant just stop living so it’s only compounded on top of that #it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore #not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc it’s not something ive ever wanted #idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming #dlt ltr

3 notes · View notes

just-rogi · 3 months

Text

.

#I’ve been so fucking frustrated these past few weeks between insurance not covering my meds and having to jump through hoops to get my #injections and shit #but god ive been having crazy joint issues the past two weeks #yesterday I literally couldn’t get out of bed #I can’t sleep doing laundry is exhausting #I’m taking the max amount of ibuprofen my doctor prescribed and it’s not doing anything #it just hurts all the time #the weather is finally nice and I can’t do anything but lay in bed with the lights off #I had an event I had been planning for for MONTHS for pride #and at one point I had to stop and lock myself in my friends car for a half hour #just to cry because my hips and knees hurt so badly #I couldn’t even enjoy the after party because I just wanted to get home and lay down #I’m so frustrated not being able to do anything #I just want to get some relief from this shit and my meds can take up to 12 weeks to work #they were prescribed eight weeks ago but insurance denied them #because apparently they always deny immune suppressants the first time around and then approve of them to save money #I wouldn’t be in pain right now If my insurance just approved my meds in May #I can’t fucking adjust to this I was a competitive dancer I’m twenty two I don’t understand any of this #the last time I was at the rheumatologists after getting my injections I held the door for an older woman who also had arthritis #and I was all shaken up over my appointment and she was so nice but was in a lot of pain and when I said #‘I understand I’m sorry’ she just looked at me so genuinely sad and said ‘but you are so young?’ YEAH I am too young for this #I’m just so tired and so angry all the time and I’m sick of everything hurting when I’m trying to sleep #my best friend is traveling at

2 notes · View notes

blndspotting · 1 year

Text

yeah im trying to be positive but i am not passing statistics

#bit of a vent #but my god im just so tired of everything that i don't even care if i fail anymore #like i literally feel like i wanna crawl out of my skin and just hide away #but i can't cause if i dont finish what the hell am i supposed to do bro #i dont wanna have to retake this class and i don't think i'd survive if i did it again #cause i was so overwhelmed the entire semester that i just don't think i can take much more of this #much more of anything really cause ive been crying for the past 20 minutes #im just fucking exhausted. i feel like that all the time but rn its really hitting me

15 notes · View notes

simptasia · 6 months

Text

mum and i were almost not able to buy our house because a real estate lawyer heard us casually say i'm autistic and alarm bells went off in her head, because she believed that meant i wasn't mentally capable of understanding what i was signing up for

#and she demanded a doctors note. which not how any of this works #theres no policy that works like that AND gps are not the people who are like #''yup this person sure is a person alright''#she just had heaps of prejudice and she let it affect her job #so a lady from one of those places that advocates for ND and disabled people tore her apart #she lost the 4000 dollars she was gonna be paid. and she got fired #and everybody else from that company that we spoke to was either appalled or pretending to be appalled about this #either way it worked out #i was so upset at the time because it was literally a week before it was time to move???#and i was so afraid of us losing all our progress #plus. yeah i was hurt by the insinuations and the attempted disrespect to my agency #also even if i was cognitively disabled... i think cognitively disabled people deserve to own houses too #i was a fucking adult and i managed to get to every gosh forsaken appointment to sign forms #and then do it all again because what i was signing didn't match what was on my birth certificate!#...not my fault - turns out the nurse wrote my fucking name wrong #anyways. i was exhausted but i did it damn it. so that bitch trying to rob us of our home??? fuck her #6 years later and the house is now 100% mine instead of 50%#and im gonna assume that bitch never got a job in real estate again #she was totally cool with me until she heard the word ''autistic''#and clearly pictured somebody... how do i put this... somebody with vacant eyes who smacks the side of their head when they're upset #not a bad thing by the way! hell i've been that flavour of autistic plenty of times. we contain multitudes!!!!#don't mean we don't deserve to own property. we live in a society!!! let us be a part of it #but yeah that was the most serious case of me being dehumanized due to what i am

5 notes · View notes

lovelaceisntdead · 11 months

Text

Oh. having a bad time.

#I've been holding it together all day but suddenly everything is really getting to me #so sick of feeling like this. i want to be able to have a nice time and enjoy myself but i can't walk around for more than half an hour #without feeling so exhausted #and i saw my brother today and i was really trying not to let it get to me seeing him doing so well #and I'm really happy he's doing well it's not that i just get so jealous that he's able to do all the things he can #i thought I'd been doing well the last couple of weeks bit maybe i was just repressing because now i cant fucking breathe #and i miss the cats so much i know it's been literally a day but I'm so used to having them there all the time #i am so tired. i want to sleep. but I'm so sad #I'm so anxious and i feel like I'm being short with everyone and it's making everything really tense #i don't know what to do.#I've been looking forward to this week for ages and i knew it would have an impact on me but i didn't think I'd feel this bad #I'm just really upset i don't what the point of this is but i just need to get this out because i feel like imgoing to explode #i think I've been feeling triggered since yesterday but not purging it so my body has just been feeling it and then its all spilked over #i know it started in the car because the roads we took to get here are the ones i used to take for my hospital appointments

4 notes · View notes

gregmarriage · 7 months

Text

genuinely so fucked up right now, and so desperate to leave the house, that i would consider my pap smear, a holiday

#a doctor sticking a brush up my vagina would actually be a welcome change of pace to the monotony of my life lately #it’s the closest thing to action i’ve had in a while #and the only woman who’s been near my vagina in a long time soooo yay? i guess?#idk this is so stupid #genuinely though i would take any change right now #it’s like wow autistic fear of change and like yeah i feel ya there but also if things don’t change soon im actually gonna need to be #committed #barely getting through the day #i’m just doing everything on autopilot and i don’t feel anything but completely numb #oh i guess i do feel something: exhausted #then i feel hyper and jumpy and am practically climbing the walls #manic depression is literally soooo much fun!!#can you tell i’m being sarcastic because if i don’t joke i actually want to do something drastic #really feel the urge to isolate myself from all my friends and family #like i’m *this* fucking close to just vanishing off the face of the earth #i wanna walk into the woods and never come back #bye all i’m gonna go become a deer let’s pray i get run over 🙏✌🏻😂

2 notes · View notes

harrowharkwife · 1 year

Text

x

#i can't bring myself to talk about the palestine israel stuff publicly online yet no matter how many times i try #but please rest assured that i am not ignoring any of it. it's weighing on me very heavily and occupying most of my irl conversations #every time i try to talk about it i end up writing a fucking novel length brick of text #if anyone wants to talk about it i am here and open to discussing it via DMs #it has been a difficult and exhausting and disheartening and intensely uncomfortable week to be an anti-Zionist jew online #which i do realize is incredibly western/American/first world problems of me to be saying when people are literally dying #but just. i have a lot of thoughts but for the most part they all boil down to frustration at having my entire faith and culture #equated with zionism at every turn #and it is so distressing to watch chronically online westerners actively cheering on death and war and conflict #and none of the things i want to say will fit in a post or a canva infographic or a tweet or an insta story #just. palestinians deserve to live freely. jews deserve to live safely.#what we're seeing now is the inevitable result of decades of violent genocidal settler colonialism #that doesn't make it justified or any easier to swallow or any less heartbreaking #personal #idk

5 notes · View notes

arcaneyouth · 10 months

Text

whats the nicest way i can explain the concept of rationing to my family without calling them stupid cunts and whores and reminding them about that one time i was literally starving because of them

#they ate all the fucking cookies from my aunts which you would think is not a big deal but ohoho!#i have literally said out loud to them many times this week that they never leave food for me and its exhausting #i thought they got the message #and what do i find going downstairs excited to eat the special treat my aunts give us once a year?#nothing.#they didnt even leave the shitty ass baby candy canes for me.#i had 1 cookie. out of 15. in a house with 6 people in it.#because they cant give enough of a shit about me to remember i exist #***after i explained this to them MULTIPLE. MULTIPLE TIMES THIS WEEK***#BECAUSE IT WAS THANKSGIVING AND THEY NEVER LEAVE LEFTOVERS AND I WAS AFRAID #AFRAID BECAUSE THAT COULD BE SOME MEALS FOR A WEEK OR TWO AND MY RATIONS WOULD LAST LONGER #AFRAID THAT THEY WOULD EAT EVERYTHING AND I WOULD STARVE AGAIN #the only reason the Thanksgiving food isnt gone is because im the only one with the patience to crack open crab legs with a butter knife #like . do they not fucking understand the reason i own a minifridge is because i am so terrified of running out of food #so i need a place to hide it away before they can take it from me #they clearly fucking don't.#i know its just some cookies i know i know i know but oh my God they're going to kill me some day #just like they nearly did a year ago #and the worst part is its not actively malicious.#they just dont care to remember i exist.#vent post #negative #anyways advice on how to confront them without stabbing them to death would be awesome

3 notes · View notes