#I've talked at length about some of these ideas in other posts before

[neversetyoufree]

I've remarked on this blog a few times before that I'm fond of the theory that The Shapeless One is Paracelsus, but I've always hesitated to elaborate, as I felt like there wasn't enough hard evidence that supported this theory being true. However, something recently clicked for me regarding one big parallel between them, and now I can't stop thinking about what that connection would mean for the story thematically.

In mémoire 61, after Machina pushes him to explain what his "plot" is, Teacher declares that he wants to achieve world peace. I've had no idea what to make of this line for a while now, just assuming that we'd need more context to understand what the actual hell he's talking about. But with the Paracelsus comparison, I feel like I'm starting to grasp what's going on there.

[This post needs a VnC-standard warning for mentions of suicide, sexual assault, and child abuse].

There are a few pieces of evidence that support the idea of Teacher being Paracelsus. VnC's Paracelsus is introduced as a great alchemist, just as he was in the real world, and the Count of Saint Germain was an alchemist as well. Nobody knows Teacher's origins, but he's one of the oldest vampires and close with the queen. There's also a little drawing of six-pointed stars that appears behind Paracelsus in the first storybook illustration of him, and those same stars are seen hanging from Teacher's walking stick in the scene where he first meets Noé.

That panel of Teacher and Noé appears at the very end of chapter 6, and the Paracelsus panel appears at the start of chapter 7, meaning these images are quite conspicuously close together.

So what does this mean for Teacher's idea of "world peace"?

In the storybook version of Paracelsus's life, he's described as wanting to alter the world formula not for scientific curiosity, but because he wants to save the world.

Paracelsus, per the childish version that Teacher presents to Noé, caused the Babel Incident because he was trying to "rid the world of its ills" and "guide people to happiness." The line about the human world's "rampant ills" is read over a drawing of dancing skeletons—a Danse Macabre. This is a Medieval way of drawing the personification of death, usually for the purpose of expressing the way that death comes comes for every person inevitably (the same theme later expressed by Vanitas art).

When Paracelsus speaks of the world's ills, this is the reality he seeks to cure. The world is afflicted with suffering and death, and he wants to rewrite the world's formula so that humanity can live happily without that pain.

A world rewritten to be without suffering—isn't that world peace? "World peace" is often used to evoke an end to armed conflict specifically, rather than suffering at large, but the concepts must overlap if they're pursued seriously. How can world peace last if there are people starving in famines or dying of disease? Suffering breeds violence. And how can someone seeking to alleviate "the world's ills" not want to achieve world peace?

If this is true, if Teacher's hope for "world peace" is him carrying on Paracelsus's legacy (or carrying on his own work, if they're the same man), then what does that mean for Paracelsus's supposed altruistic intentions?

We know little about Paracelsus now, only Teacher's recounting of the Babel Incident by way of a book he's reading to a child, but I think there are two ways to interpret what we do know.

Trying to rid the world of suffering is, on its face, the most noble possible intention. To lead the world to happiness is to attempt to help every other person in the world. And I can think of a lot of ways that Paracelsus's goals make absolute sense to me. If you discover that the fabric of reality can be rewritten, and you know that there are people in the world dying of famines, wouldn't you want to reshape the world so that they no longer have to go hungry?

It's possible, depending on what we find out about him in the future, that Paracelsus really will be a noble figure whose one great sin was hubris, and all he wanted from his research was to help the world in ways that make both moral and logical sense.

However, given some of VnC's other themes, I think there's another lens through which we should consider Paracelsus's actions. We don't know exactly what he was trying to rewrite with that disastrous experiment, but that Danse Macabre does give us one possible clue.

One of the themes that VnC has been slowly developing throughout its run is the idea that, though trying to save a person's life is noble, it is not noble to deny all death as a whole. This is a story about the concept of Vanitas, the idea that death is inevitable and that all else is rendered meaningless in its face. Noé feels like he failed Louis because he was unable to kill him when he asked, and it seems like the manga's being set up to end with Noé killing Vanitas to escape a fate Vanitas considers worse than death. One big part of what makes Mikhail so unsettling is his denial, his laughing about his mother's draining and the fact that he cannot accept the reality Luna has died, and Vanitas is horrified to hear that Misha is planning to resurrect their parent. That same issue goes on to be the one thing that finally drives a wedge between Noé and his teacher, as Noé can apparently forgive the man for purchasing him on the black market and killing Louis, but he's horrified to hear that Teacher told Mikhail that resurrecting Luna was possible.

All of these scenes have other elements to them, other things that drive the characters and inform why these specific ideas of undeath are so deeply horrifying to them, but the buildup of this running theme is an undercurrent through all of it. Vanitas means that someday all people must die, so what does it mean when somebody tries to deny that?

Even further, there's the broader horror of both Noé and Mikhail failing to process the bad things that happen to them. Misha commits blithe horrors in part because he does not understand that his sexual abuse was wrong, so he seems to see no problem with sexually assaulting others now in turn—as he does when he pressures Noé to drink his blood. Noé happily recounts being kidnapped and sold on the black market, remarks on Chloé and Jean-Jacques's goodness minutes after Chloé assaults him in his sleep, and brushes off the incident of Jean-Jacques drugging him to the extent that even Jean-Jacques himself is unnerved by it. All of that is deeply concerning behavior.

Misha is written to be obviously uncanny in his denial, and that uncanniness holds up a mirror to the subtler horror of Noé's own disconnects from reality. The more recent chapters have also begun drawing direct attention to the ways that Noé's denial of the bad in the world becomes problematic. The aforementioned scene of Vani, Dante, and JJ being disturbed by Noé's "it doesn't bother me" line does this, as does the long discussion Noé and Vanitas have about why Noé's ignorance of anti-Dham racism upsets Dante so much.

There is an ongoing tension in VnC between the inherent goodness of peace and life and the horror of what comes when those concepts are taken too far. Noé and Vanitas are this in a nutshell: an endlessly clashing duo made up of a too-extreme pessimist and a too-extreme optimist. The story arcs thus far have taken turns challenging each of their worldviews, slowly pushing Vanitas to open up and let himself hope for peaceful solutions, let himself accept love and emotional closeness, while also slowly pushing Noé to confront the fact that sometimes not everything has a happy-making peaceful solution after all. Sometimes "saving" a child means she has to die, and sometimes an enemy will have an entirely sympathetic reason to hate vampires, but Noé still has to fight them anyway to save the people he wants to save, regardless of whether that enemy is "right" or not.

Noé lives in denial of his own past traumas and his own present-day potential for harm. He denies the potential that "good" people he meets might harm him, and he struggles to accept instances where he has harmed others in turn. Dominique and Vanitas go on for pages after the amusement park about how reckless and overly trusting he can be, and he turns around, unable to cope, when confronted with the truth of what he did to Misha with his claws. However, Noé also has the benefit of his proximity to Vanitas knocking just a bit of sense into him, and it might not be a sure thing that he's going to stay in denial-land forever.

One of VnC's specific points of tension is the question of if/how Noé will grow to accept the hard things that currently bounce off his oblivious denial like water off of a raincoat. The end of mémoire 1, the statement that someday he's going to kill Vanitas, suggests that perhaps he might learn to understand how death, despite its pain, is important in its own right. It suggests that maybe he'll come around to no longer denying death and insisting that salvation is always its avoidance.

However, if he can't quite make that leap, the story provides us with dark mirrors to show us what a monster Noé could become by doubling down on his idealistic, optimistic denial. Misha's current state is Noé to an extreme, an innocent child committing horrors as he utterly fails to process the truth of his own horrific early childhood. Misha's driving motivation is a hatred of pain and suffering, and he's willing to do anything to resurrect the family that saved him from that pain in the past.

Then there's also Lord Ruthven, a man who was once an optimist in Noé's own mold, but has since broken bad in a spectacular way. Noé and Ruthven recite the exact same line about liking both humans and vampires, an obvious parallel, but now Ruthven is working with Naenia. Now he's living in the aftermath of his idealistic peace plan imploding and almost costing him his life. Ruthven despairs the last time he visits Gévaudan, lamenting the wrongness of his naive past hopes for understanding, and now he's working toward some unknown end involving Naenia, Charlatan, and the Queen. Now he's committing horrors of his own, biting at least three people by force, overriding their wills, and associating with the being that steals innocent people's true names.

There's also the question of what the hell Ruthven is doing with the queen. It seems he was somehow involved with Faustina devolving to her current state, and Loki references "smashing up her corpse," so it's possible Naenia's existence may be a sign that Ruthven wants or wanted her dead and/or cursed. However, the shots of him with the Faustina-like body in the tank at the end of mémoire 18 suggest there's a chance that he could instead be involved with some form of resurrection scheme (or a scheme to preserve/save her if she's not yet fully dead).

Ruthven exists in part to demonstrate the ways that an idealist like Noé can go bad, and it's possible that he, like Misha, is attempting some sort of awful resurrection, once again denying the reality of death.

Then, finally, there's one more character with whom Noé has these sorts of obvious parallels. The man who, perhaps, is also meant to represent what Noé could become if the dangerous sides of his optimism aren't reigned in: his teacher.

Noé is fascinated by Vanitas, drawn to him out of care and connection, but also because he wants to observe and understand him to sate his curiosity. In a darker mirror of the same trend, we see Noé's teacher allow Louis, Noé, Domi, and Misha to come to harm at least in part for the simple enjoyment of seeing how they react when placed in dark new situations. Noé and his teacher are also the only crimson vampires we know of who find the Blue Moon beautiful and alluring, rather than a source of fear (assuming that Teacher is a normal crimson vampire).

Noé was raised by this man; his worldview has been shaped by him in countless ways big and small. Noé was already living in cheerful rejection of trauma before The Shapeless One found him, but he could not have remained so radically detached from the painful parts of the world around him if his teacher had not wanted and allowed him to do so. He censored Lord Ruthven out of Noé's education, and he apparently did the same with anything that discussed (or expressed) severe bigotry toward Dhampirs. How else did Teacher shape him, and to what goal?

We know that the Shapeless One taught Noé how to fight. Given that "world peace" line, I wonder if perhaps he may also have taught him his morals on wanting to avoid conflict.

Teacher is a contradiction. He talks about "world peace," but he blithely leads Louis to his doom and supposedly doesn't hesitate to half-kill anyone who calls him by the wrong name. Marquis Machina calls him an incomprehensible natural disaster for this reason. Yet, despite all his rampant cruelty, I'm beginning to think that he might be just as much of a dangerous optimist as his student.

Teacher is defined by the fact that, in every scene, he always seems to look like he's having fun. There's hardly been a single panel where he's not drawn smiling. Sometimes that fun is vicious, a cruel smile made as a threat to Vanitas when he fails to address him by his name, but just as often, his aura seems horrifically innocent. He's just a man with a sweet smile and rather dull eyes having a very good time with life.

In the past I've largely looked at this smile as an extension of Teacher's sadism. He toys with Louis and Noé for the fun of it, and I took his smile as an expression of his cruel enjoyment of the pain he creates in his wake. However, now that we've seen him interact with Machina, now that we've observed him speaking casually with a peer for an extended period, there seems to be a disturbingly sincere quality to him as well.

Based on how he's portrayed in mémoire 61, when Teacher says he does everything he does for the sake of "world peace," I honestly think I believe him. I don't believe that he's not a villain—I can't guarantee that his vision of "world peace" would even align with a normal person's definition of "peace" or "happiness," but I believe that he's speaking some version of honestly here.

There's an honest to goodness optimism in that ever-present smile. There's a hope and a genuine quality to what he announces to Machina, in contrast to his smiles of sweetly cruel schadenfreude.

So perhaps, if all that is true, if Teacher is another dark mirror to Noé and he really does want to bring about world peace, then the point of him is that "world peace" has the potential to be a horror. What is the pursuit of world peace if not the ultimate pipe dream of every idealist in the mold of Noé and Ruthven? And what is VnC if not a long catalog of the horrors that idealists can bring about if they aren't careful?

And that, finally, brings me back to Paracelsus and the Danse Macabre.

Depending on what Paracelsus wanted to achieve through his experiments, it's possible he may have been yet another character trying to escape the harsh reality of death. The line about the world's "rampant ills" is placed over the Danse Macabre, after all—a symbol of death's universal inevitability. Is that the painful ill that Paracelsus wanted to address by rewriting the world formula? Inescapable death itself?

If so, Paracelsus becomes the ultimate embodiment of what happens when one denies death's certainty and the necessity of that certainty. He's the ultimate denial of "Vanitas" and what it represents on a scale far larger than Noé, Misha, or even Ruthven could grasp. And the manga casts his failed experiment as a Tower of Babel, throwing the world into chaos and causing countless deaths in his failure's wake.

Meanwhile, Teacher seems to have some ideas about how to cheat death in the present day, as he's promised Misha that there's a way to bring "The Vampire of the Blue Moon" back to life. This could be a lie, of course, or he could be planning to bring back "the vampire of the blue moon" in a way that does not actually bring back Luna as an individual. However, even trying to bring back the Blue Moon in some other way, perhaps through the human Vanitas, still represents him trying to restore something he found beautiful that was lost because of death. It still ties him thematically to the perversion of death as an ending, the same as Mikhail and Ruthven.

So far every character we've seen that wants to undo death is cast as an antagonist. Ruthven, Mikhail, and The Shapeless One are all united by a cruelty and a perverseness in various forms, and their goal is part of this. Death is a tragedy, but although trying to save the lives of people who want to live is noble, attempting to undo or eternally escape death is a far worse horror.

If Teacher is Paracelsus, or if they're closely connected in some other way, then that serves to further this point and show how the horror of escaping death extends to Paracelsus as it does the others. Teacher is strange and cruel. Paracelsus might be a nobly hubristic historical fool in a storybook, but if these two characters are connected, that instantly reveals the unsettling truth of how wrong Paracelsus's potential attempt to thwart death would have been. Nothing Teacher is working for can be wholly good.

And, just as Noé and Misha's denial is both present and harmful beyond the most severe subject of death, even if Paracelsus wasn't trying to craft a world without death by altering the world formula, we know he was trying to create a world without suffering. Again, this is a noble goal in theory, but so long as death remains, some suffering will remain as well. Crafting a world without pain and suffering can also go much too far, can slip into denial and cruelty. Mikhail's whole motivation as an antagonist is his search for a life without pain, and look where that's led him.

A rejection of all suffering can be an extremely dangerous thing, whether it's running from one's own mental pain or wanting to rewrite the world to negate all suffering as a whole. This dream will never not be a detachment from reality.

The Case Study of Vanitas is a series that seems to be searching for a balance of optimism and pessimism, a way to approach the harsh realities of life that lies between the toxic extremes embodied by Vanitas and Noé. To lapse too far into hopeless pessimism creates a Vanitas, a Chloé, an Astolfo. It creates people who are suicidal, genocidal, or both, and dangerous to themselves and others for it. However, to go through life in a state of eternal joy without processing one's pain, or to attempt to create a world wholly free of suffering—that is just as dangerous and foolish. What are Noé, Misha, and Ruthven if not dangers to themselves and others? What is Teacher if not the most dangerous man in this manga?

Noé and Misha are unsettling because they smile through the bad things that happen to them and act as though they aren't bad. They each have some exceptions to this rule—Louis's death for Noé and the pain suffered at the hands of Moreau for Misha—but they still come across as at times disconnected from the reality of pain.

Yet, neither of them is as disconnected from the reality of pain as a man that can behead the grandson he raised with a smile on his face. Noé as a child sees the fun in being kidnapped and put up for auction. Teacher, if his smile is to be believed, sees the fun in every single thing we've seen him do, and that's what's so unsettling about him. He genuinely seems to be having a good time, including and especially when he's blithely committing horrors for the fun of it.

Noé and Misha's strange behavior stems from trauma, and we don't know that's the case for Teacher. Perhaps not, as he seems much colder and crueler in his tendencies than either of them. But either way, the happy sincerity displayed by both of them is echoed in the face of the Count of Saint Germain as he tells Machina that he's searching for world peace. That is the face of someone idealistic, someone who believes he's working toward a real goal that both justifies and delights him.

Teacher wants world peace, and his warped nature means that we have no real idea what "world peace" means to him. Is a world at peace a world where he still gets to violently beat people who get his name wrong? A world where he still gets to have fun observing the free will and choices of the traumatized children he raises? Maybe he once believed in a world that was truly without suffering, and his overly-long life and mad optimism have eroded his tether to reality, turning him into the awful person we see now. Maybe the catastrophe of the Babel incident broke him and turned him from a hubristic idealist to warped echo of his former self. Maybe he somehow thinks all the suffering he causes is justified if it's in pursuit of his noble end goal. Maybe his version of "world peace" is a world where all people can live free from the fear of death, and the smaller pains caused along the way are irrelevant in the face of that impossible dream.

Or maybe he's just a cruel hypocrite.

In the end, we still know too little about both Paracelsus and Teacher to make any grand proclamations about the truth of their characters. However, I can't unsee this connection between them now that I've seen it. Teacher is one of Noé's dark mirrors, a character that represents the horrors possible when one goes too far down his current emotional path. Noé is optimistic to a fault, convincing himself to see only the best in many truly awful scenarios, and Teacher is the man with an eternal smile printed on his face. Noé loves and wants to save Vanitas, and Teacher speaks of the Blue Moon's ultimate beauty and says he has a way to bring them back to life now that they're dead. Noé is the eternal savior, always desperate to prevent people from dying, and Teacher claims that everything he does is done in the name of achieving world peace.

Similarly, Paracelsus is defined by throwing the world into chaos and horror due to his over-optimism. He tried to go too far, tried to rid humanity of its countless ills and create his own form of world peace, perhaps even tried to rewrite the reality of death. Did he hate pain and cold like Misha? Did he want to stop unjust wars like Ruthven? Did he want to become a savior in the image of Noah?

If Teacher's goal of "world peace" is to be believed, then whether or not Teacher and Paracelsus are actually the same person, they represent the same thematic extreme. Death is inevitable, says the concept of Vanitas. It's inevitable and Noé must learn to accept that fact before he does something awful in the name of pain and death's prevention. Teacher and Paracelsus have both done something(s) awful in the name of pain and death's prevention. Teacher and Paracelsus have followed Noé's path of optimism to such an extent that they, in one way or another, both claim(ed) to want to save the world, and this requires a mad extreme of Noé-like cognitive dissonance and hubris.

Paracelsus pursued some goal, some way of granting humanity happiness that was supposedly noble but still murky in its specifics, and he warped the fabric of reality and caused the countless disasters of the Babel Incident in the process. And that's assuming the storybook is true, and Babel really was accidental on his part. Meanwhile Teacher has warped the seemingly noble dream of world peace into something that he can claim is served by the way he's tormented Louis, Misha, and Noé. There's a chance that both men tried or are trying to undo the reality of death. They're bound by the same underlying current of scientific curiosity intermingled with their dreams of world peace.

Noé is not an alchemist, and he's not particularly skilled at rewriting the world formula. He's unlikely to have any chance to rewrite the fabric of reality itself for the better. He's unlikely to have any chance to achieve "world peace" by any definition.

Noé is, however, a dangerous optimist who has not yet learned that death is unavoidable. He hasn't yet learned that death can be preferred to its alternatives. And he was raised by a man who seems like he has not learned or does not care that disrupting Death in the grand sense will inevitably lead to horror. Or perhaps a man who enjoys horrors and wants to toy with absolute death as a part of that. And all this in a world warped and defined by the folly of a man who may also not have understood the horror of evading death.

So Teacher might be Paracelsus. I think this connection between them only strengthens the odds of that theory being true. But even if he isn't, they represent a similar thing for Noé and for the manga's themes at large. You cannot rid the world of the Danse Macabre, and attempting to end that dance will only bring greater ills and greater pain than death on its own could ever hope to bring.

A strange and dangerous man proclaiming with an honest smile that he wants to bring about world peace does not make him any less strange or dangerous. Depending on his definition of world peace and his idea of death's place in it, that idealistic goal may actually make him far more dangerous than if he were nothing more than a simple sadist.

[felassan]

Eurogamer article: 'The big Dragon Age: The Veilguard post-release interview: "It was never going to match the Dragon Age 4 in people's minds"'

The reaction, the making of, and what comes next.

Excerpts under cut due to length and spoilers.

"So where does Dragon Age go from here, and how does BioWare feel about it? As the dust settles, I sit down with two people at the heart of the project - game director Corinne Busche, and series creative director John Epler - for a chat. We talk about the reaction to the game, the making of it, and what, if anything, comes next. [...] For added visibility: some spoilers lie ahead."

"John Epler: I've been on the project for a very long time and there were definitely times in development where, especially early on, it felt like this day would never come. So the fact that it came out felt amazing."

"Q.: How has the commercial response to the game been? I've seen stories about sales and they seem mixed - inconclusive. The game seems to be doing okay but struggling to keep pace with Inquisition before it. Has it been a success from your point of view - how do you measure that? Corinne Busche: There's three axes we can measure this by: what the team was able to do and put together - the pride that they can take in that; every game that is made, especially in the triple-A space where you're talking hundreds of developers, timelines, is a miracle. That they executed at quality: internally we consider that a success. We're very happy with the critical reception to the game. It's not common to have these challenging development cycles and have a team turn around and receive the critical reception that it did. In fact, in a lot of ways, that is the harder path to take. So yeah, we're quite proud of the critical reception. Unfortunately on the sales side, that's not something we can really discuss, but of course as we know with Inquisition, that was a long burn to get to those total sales numbers."

"Q.: I was surprised to hear there isn't going to be an expansion for the game, and for me, this ties into a feeling of uncertainty around the series' future. With Inquisition add-on Trespasser, there was a clear through-line to the future, but now, there's nothing - it's as though Dragon Age has just stopped and we don't know for sure whether it will continue. There are a couple of questions here: one, can you offer us any reassurance about Dragon Age's future - is there a team of sorts working on it now? And two, when did you decide not to do an expansion - presumably this was a while ago? Busche: Oh, yes, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. We toy with those ideas of course. In fact, John has an anecdote from years ago where there was a version of this where the Siege of Wiesshaupt is the conclusion of that block of story, and then we continue on from there. The decision was ultimately made that we wanted to take the approach of making this the most complete, contained, start-to-finish story that could deliver some of those answers and present new mysteries. I love [Inquisition add-on] Trespasser, [it] really feels integral to the story of Inquisition and, indeed, the larger tale of Dragon Age. You don't want your players to miss out on that [by not playing the DLC]. Epler: The other side of it, honestly, was Inquisition did end with some fairly hefty dangling plot threads. Obviously there's the post-credits scene with Solas and Flemeth, and it felt at the time - because I was on Inquisition, I was on the Trespasser team - we looked at what we already had and decided, okay, we want to do one last chapter, one last story beat. The difference in The Veilguard is the story ends pretty conclusively. There is, obviously, a secret post-credits scene, but that's less of 'here is an immediate thing that you now need to be aware of', and more 'here's a hint as to what the future will be'. A lesson that I've learned: don't ever try to make a direct sequel to a game 10 years later, because, oh my gosh, that is a challenge. Busche: It is a challenge. Epler: But that's the great thing about Dragon Age: you can make a sequel that does not require the same level of knowledge and investment that you would have required to go from Inquisition to the Veilguard; even though, again, we worked really hard to make it an accessible jumping-in point, it still feels like - for players who've been with the franchise - a very direct sequel in a lot of ways. We wanted to make sure that this one ended in a less ambiguous way, where it's very clear that this story is done. What comes next, you will see, but it won't require the same level of 'okay let's catch you up on what's happened'. I'm still proud of the team and what they did at the beginning of this one, but there's a lot that comes from previous games that feed into this one. Busche: Isn't it interesting how a lot of the threats that have been prevalent throughout the franchise only scratch at the surface of the mysteries and possibilities in the IP? There's been a lot of exploration of the Blight, the elven gods, the elven people, and its wonderful subject matter. However, it also makes me curious about the other aspects that are less explored and equally as interesting: the nature of the qunari, what's across the seas, what's happening with the titans, the development of the dwarven people. So in many ways, I feel like answering some of these long-threaded mysteries that are specific to the Blight and specific to the elves, this gives some space to explore other ideas in the future."

"Q.: Interesting; I would agree. I feel like we've been fighting Blights and demons in almost all of the games so far, and it would be refreshing to take a step away from that, or beyond it. But you mentioned the secret post-credits ending scene there, which is something I've seen lots of reaction to - particularly from people unhappy at how abruptly it introduces a new arch villain. From their perspective, it looks like BioWare is shunting a new big-bad in because the old ones are used up. What do you say to that? How far back to these Executors - these beings - go? Epler: That is one of those things that we'll get into in more detail in the future, but I do understand some of the reaction of 'well they're seeking a new baddie because the old ones are...' But there's a lot of ambiguity in that scene and for a very good reason, in that what people think might be the next story may not actually be what it's going to be. And I get it, it's the last piece of information people are getting, so people are going to make a lot of assumptions and guesses and theories. But it's been something that we've been talking about for quite some time. You see them show up in Tevinter Nights [the anthology book], where Solas is very clear, 'You cannot trust them; they are dangerous.' Even to someone as powerful as Solas they are seen as a threat. They've shown up in DAI. They've also shown up - I can't remember... There's one other reference where a character talked about an Exec - about a rumour that the Executors assassinated an empress hundreds of years ago, but oh, that's just a rumour, everyone blames everything on them. So it's been a thread in the IP for a while. It's just a thread that we're now starting to pull on a little bit and lay some groundwork, lay some framework for where the story is going to go in the future. But again, all it's meant to do is serve as a hint, as a tease - not necessarily suggest yes, next time you're definitely doing X or definitely going to Y. But yeah, I get the reaction. Again, there's very little information but that's by design: we want people to at least start filling in the blanks themselves, and then when we actually do start filling in the blanks, I think some people will be quite surprised by the direction that takes. Busche: One of the things we say often in the franchise is that in Dragon Age, not everything is always as it seems. Interviewer: Intriguing, and I loved how you casually referred to them as "execs" there - this big new villain. [They laugh]"

"Q.: I read that after Inquisition, there was a whole "covert commandos" theme for the game, known then as Joplin, I think, in which you'd have an underwater base - at one point a submarine, at another point, an underwater mansion - and that there would be rival teams pit against you, and Solas would summon titans and we'd ride griffons. These are incredibly exciting ideas. Epler: So the great thing about the art book, but also the thing I always want to caution, is a lot of those ideas never made it past somebody in a meeting saying 'wouldn't it be cool if...?' Or, and I say this with full-love for [art director] Matt Rhodes: "Matt Rhodes, here is an idea," and then 45 minutes later, he has a concept piece ready for you to go. So it's one of those challenges where it's easy to look at the art book and say, if we combined all of these different ideas, it would be the coolest thing ever. But a lot of those ideas, for practical reasons or for other reasons, never make it past the 'I had a cool idea and we drew some concept art and then decided, no, this doesn't work'. Early on when we were discussing factions, Patrick Weekes and I, the lead writer, were talking about "what about a faction that represents the Free Marches? It could be Chantry-themed and this and that." And we started coming up with [ideas] and "oh this is going to be so cool", and then Matt Rhodes turns around and says, "Guys that sounds really boring." And we sat there like, "Oh, yeah." We just talked ourselves into a terrible idea because we got excited about it. I'm not saying Free Marches couldn't be cool, but the version we were coming up with was not cool. That's always the challenge: somebody might draw a piece of concept art about it, but it was never going to get past that stage. That said, I was on Joplin, I was on early versions of what ultimately became Dragon Age: The Veilguard, and there were a lot of ideas that we played with, we tried out, we even put some of them into the game and ultimately didn't go forward with. On a project this long, and especially a project that everyone's heard about how at one point we're experimenting with multiplayer: what works in that environment is not what's going to necessarily work in a single-player RPG, so you end up with a lot of stuff on the cutting room floor because it's just it doesn't fit the vision, it doesn't necessarily fit scope, or you tried it out and it turns out it wasn't actually that great of an idea after all."

"Q.: You mentioned the multiplayer version of Dragon Age 4 there, which was codenamed Morrison, I believe. I've seen this described as a Fantasy Anthem - is there any truth in this? Busche: I don't know that we should spend a lot of time getting into it, but what I will say is that I joined as we made the shift to single-player, and anecdotally, I'll say the multiplayer game that we had when I joined, as a Dragon Age fan, didn't look a lot like a Dragon Age game to me. That said, some fantastic work and thoughts, ideas, the outline of the narrative, some of the beats we wanted to hit, some of the ideas behind the locales, were very informative to us."

"Q.: I'm particularly interested in the moment Morrison is benched and you're told you're making a single-player Dragon Age game again. When you sit down and look at what you've got, then, and begin, what's there - what would I recognise as a player of Veilguard? Busche: What would you recognise? My goodness. There are a few mission concepts that survived. We knew we wanted to do the Siege of Weisshaupt, and though the level and execution of the mission is quite different from where it was at that time, that beat - the general structure of it, the emotion, the tension that we wanted to evoke - very much still present. Of course there was some wonderful technology to build off of. We've spoken about how at this point we feel quite comfortable with Frostbite and it finally matches our ambition in that regard. So a lot of great tech to work with, and a lot of pre-work that had gone into the art and characters, particularly the work that allowed us to unlock the range of options within the character creator. We couldn't have gotten there in the time we had without that pre-work. Epler: I'd also say, broad strokes, companions were... You would have recognised at least parts of the companions, if not necessarily who they ended up being in the final game. Q.: Oh, what, all of them? Epler: All the companions we at least knew that we wanted to build out their arcs, but their arcs were not done, their stories weren't told, and we still hadn't necessarily decided personality quirks and traits for all of them, since we hadn't had that chance to sit down with a full cast. So they existed, some of them were close to what you see in the final game, others were pretty far away from what you would eventually see. Busche: And along those lines, John, the factions were in a similar boat. The factions survived. And in fact, in switching to single-player, we were able to resurrect some of the factions that had been cut."

"Q.: When did Rook emerge as a character, and did you ever consider having the Inquisitor as the main character again? Epler: Definitely early - very early on - we talked about the Inquisitor, but even on Joplin, the Inquisitor was abandoned pretty quickly in favor of a new character at the time. Originally, we had a handful of different names for Rook. There was Shrike - it was all bird names, I don't remember specifically why. But Rook was the one who ultimately survived. In the game we talk about Rook as a chess piece; the deep lore secret is "Rook" actually, originally, comes from the bird. Rook as the main character was always kind of where we were going, but different versions of Rook. Part of the thing with building a game over the timeline that Veilguard has been built over is what worked at one time doesn't necessarily work for a character concept later on. And we found, as we went through development, Rook was feeling a little bit more like a relic of a previous time period. One of the big pushes was getting Rook to feel a little bit more competent, a little bit more like someone who is, very clearly, very good at their job and just isn't quite sure about leadership yet. But yeah, they were always going to be the protagonist, it's just different versions of them emerged throughout development. Busche: One of the big questions that came up frequently - to John's point - is why is Rook in charge? Reflecting on it, we probably put a little too much stock in the endorsement of Varric on the next in line, so a lot of work in who Rook is to, as John mentioned, create that sense of competency, of history."

"Q.: Speaking of Varric, when did you know he was going to die? Epler: That actually came in surprisingly early. It's funny because, and this is the joys of a lengthy development cycle: early on, one of the concerns we had was we need to make it clear the stakes of what Solas was trying to do, and also make it clear that Solas is not not necessarily the nicest and friendliest person in the world, because there's a concern with people being like, "Oh yeah but Solas is still my friend-" Interviewer: I romanced Solas in Inquisition so I felt this exact way. [Corinne gestures to indicate she did too.] Epler: So we talked about having Solas kill Varric. But then we ran into the other problem which is what I describe as the DA2 problem: in the first 45 minutes of that game, we kill one of your siblings, and you've had zero time with them at all. So killing Varric would have been super-impactful for people who played Inquisition and DA2, but for the new fans - especially as we get to 10 years past DAI - it becomes a bigger problem. "Why do I care about this Varric guy? He's been there for 45 minutes." We wanted to have him kill Varric but we also wanted the player to get to spend more time with Varric or, in this case, their memory of Varric, and develop that attachment before we use that beat and Solas betraying you to really hammer home who Solas is, and what the stakes are that you're dealing with in this adventure. Busche: Earlier we spoke about the idea of this being a continuous thread, a chapter of the Dragon Age saga that we've experienced through these first four games, and in many ways, Varric had become the narrator - the one who was telling the tale of this particular arc. It was a great way to continue that. Epler: The passing of the torch as well - that's the other thing. Varric had - I love Varric, I've worked on Varric's content since DA2 - and this felt like a natural point for Varric to pass the torch, pass the buck onto someone else to serve as the new storyteller in DA."

"Q.: I'm also interested in at what point the climactic - I'm going to call it the suicide mission because I think that's how people refer to it. At what point did you know you wanted to do this, and how influenced was it by Mass Effect 2? Because there's so much about the game that feels influenced by Mass Effect 2. Busche: The answer might surprise you: that it was relatively late. We hit our alpha at a time that allowed us to play through the entirety of the game, start to finish, and that's really the moment that I look for where you can take a step back and really assess what you've got. It's very difficult to assess a body of work piecemeal or out of order. So while we had time to react, we really needed that moment to see the game start to finish and assess, and have other people provide feedback as well. It was shortly after alpha we realised the intensity and the stakes - internally we call it the consequence factory - needed some strengthening. One of the unique things about Veilguard is we really viewed that as our opportunity to revisit a lot of the history and concepts of all BioWare titles. In many ways, it is a love letter to what makes a BioWare game a BioWare game, so we absolutely looked at Mass Effect 2. It was really a privilege to be able to be inspired by what we consider one of the greatest - in the case of Mass Effect - science-fiction stories ever told. Epler: The other side of it was we were building a game that was focused on companions and characters, and the best example of that in BioWare's history is Mass Effect 2. Not that we don't focus on it in other games, but Mass Effect 2 does not exist without the companions and the companion stories. And even earlier - even before we started talking about the suicide mission - we had already talked about using Mass Effect 2 as this formula, this vision, for what we wanted to achieve with Dragon Age. Again, really building in these strong companion stories, these - we don't have loyalty missions but you have these arcs that bear a lot of resemblance [to them] and borrow a lot from Mass Effect 2. Even beyond that, in the moments where you go with companions on non-combat adventures, we borrowed that - we looked at the scenes in Mass Effect 3's Citadel DLC and also, honestly, Trespasser, where you get to spend these little moments with these followers that aren't focused around fighting things or killing things, and taking that and expanding on it, because they resonate so much with people when they play through those."

"Q.: My time is up so let's end with a look to the future. Firstly, I suppose, is there a future for the series, and then secondly, if there is, what might it look like? There are those who want it to go back to its CRPG roots, and there are those who know it as a more action-like game. Which way do you turn? Busche: There's so many stories left, so many mysteries left unsolved, so I'll leave that for what it is. As for what the next iteration becomes, what that looks like, what style of game that is: well as I said, it's a franchise of reinvention. In some ways there are some parallels in that regard, to say, the Final Fantasy series. Of course, very different in terms of choice and consequences, and so many other factors, but there are those RPG franchises that embrace that reinvention, that when a new one gets announced, it really piques your curiosity about where are we going to go? What kind of adventure is this going to be? So again, I will remain of the point of view that it [Dragon Age's ability to reinvent itself] remains our greatest challenge and our greatest opportunity. Epler: There's lots of stories I still want to tell in this setting. There's a lot of threads that - we answered a lot of questions in Veilguard but I think we also planted a few new seeds, and new thoughts and threads. I just love the franchise. I love the storytelling and I love the characters in it, and I am just excited to, ideally, keep telling stories in this world."

[source]

[ranchthoughts]

Happy marriage equality Thailand! 🌈

A few months ago, @colourme-feral came to me with the idea of cataloguing as many same-sex Thai QL proposals and weddings as we could. And today, to celebrate the bill passing the Senate (and the first post-bill-passing proposal and wedding), I'd like to share with you all our findings! Even though same-sex marriage has not been legal in Thailand until this year (hopefully things will be official in the fall), there have been quite a few same-sex proposals and weddings in Thai QLs throughout the years.

Big thank you to everyone who assisted on this project in some capacity (@airenyah, @bengiyo, @blmpff, @chickenstrangers, @dribs-and-drabbles, @nieves-de-sugui, @twig-tea, @waitmyturtles, @williamrikers) plus all the gif and fanvid makers whose work was instrumental in helping us double check everything (particular shout out to these gifsets by @apathetic-tortoise (1, 2) and this one by @gunsatthaphan).

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

We found 28 Thai QL shows which featured at least one same-sex proposal (the blue list below) and 15 Thai QL shows which featured at least one same-sex wedding (the green list below).

I was pretty strict with what counted as a proposal or a wedding for the purposes of this project. For example, characters who we know are married but whose wedding we don’t see aren’t counted (like Laws of Attraction’s Maya and Rose, or the unnamed Force and Book characters shown in a “Just Married” car in Vice Versa). There are many shows where there is a ring or someone gets down on one knee but the question is not exactly “popped” (Khun Chai, Star In My Mind Our Skyy 2, etc.), and there are even more shows characters talk at length about commitment and being together forever but there were no mentions of marriage or other details (like rings, etc.) that would specifically suggest it was a proposal (A Boss and a Babe, Ai Long Nhai, Be My Favourite, Cupid's Last Wish, Dark Blue Kiss, Something In My Room, Star in My Mind, Still 2gether, Until We Meet Again, 3 Will Be Free, etc.). Some of these moments might have been intended as a declaration of intent to marry by the characters and the show runners, but they weren’t conclusive enough to be included on this list. Furthermore, I think it’s interesting to see how many shows were, for lack of a better word, explicit in their discussion or portrayal of same-sex marriage (having the characters use the word marriage, showing weddings, etc.), despite being from a time before such a thing was legally possible. 

Note: I've listed the shows with the year they started airing for ease, even though some of them did finish airing in another year.

(see alt text for the full lists)

The Quick Facts

The first proposal and the first wedding in our data set both happened in Grey Rainbow episode 4, which aired on May 7, 2016. (though this is not exactly an auspicious wedding to start with, as those who know know)

12 shows featured at least one proposal and one wedding (Cherry Magic, GAP the Series, Grey Rainbow, Laws of Attraction, Love Syndrome 3, My Secret Love, Naughty Babe, Never Let Me Go, Tharntype Special: The Wedding Day, Two Worlds, Wedding Plan, and the Wedding Plan Special). 

4 shows feature two same-sex proposals (Cherry Magic, Love Syndrome 3, My Secret Love, and Two Worlds). All these shows also feature a same-sex wedding.

None of the shows in our sample had two same-sex weddings.

The Data Over Time

As you can see, generally same-sex proposals and weddings have become more common in Thai QLs over time, though of course there are more Thai Qls being produced now than in the earlier days.

Note: I'm only looking at shows which aired before the marriage equality bill passed the Senate, so the 2024 data does not include Wandee Goodday or OMG! Vampire. It will be interesting to see if and how the number of same-sex proposals and weddings in Thai QLs increases through 2024 and beyond now that it will become a legal reality.

It is also interesting to consider the production companies behind the shows in our sample. This sample includes 7 GMM shows and 5 Mandee/Domundi shows, plus 1-3 series each from other production companies like Idol Factory, MeMindY, Studio Wabi Sabi, Copy A Bangkok, Jinloe Media Work, TV Thunder, and M Flow Entertainment. In other words, GMM shows make up roughly 23% of the sample, Mandee/Domundi shows are another 16%, and other production companies comprise about 61% of the sample.

Main Couples vs Side Couples

There are 28 shows with proposals in the sample but 32 proposals, because four shows have two proposals each. 26 of these 32 proposals (81%) are between the main characters and 6 of them (19%) are between side characters.

Of the 15 weddings in the sample, 12 (80%) are between main couples and 3 (20%) are between side couples.

For interest's sake, I also broke this down for GMM and Mandee/Domundi. GMM has 7 proposals in 6 shows, with 5 main couples and 2 side couples popping the question; and 3 weddings (across 3 shows), in which 2 side couples and 1 main couple got married. Mandee/Domundi has 5 proposals in 4 shows, all between main couples, and 3 weddings (across 3 shows), also all featuring main couples.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

And now here we are, after the bill has passed the Senate. Congratulations to the Thai queer community, and the happy couples Oyei and Cher from Wandee Goodday and Sen and Run from OMG! Vampire who are the first Thai QL couples to propose and to have a wedding (respectively) after Thailand's marriage equality bill passed the Senate! (The bill passed the Senate on June 18, 2024, and episode 8 of Wandee Goodday aired 4 days later on June 22, followed by episode 6 of OMG! Vampire on June 23.)

I can’t wait to see more same-sex engagements and weddings in Thai shows as we move forward.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Copyright, Trademark, What They Do (and Don't Do)

Anonymous asked: I'm writing a comic script but I'm a slow writer/artist, so it won't be ready to post for quite a few years. Is there any way I can submit a list of character and place names and have them copyrighted/trademarked so no one else can use them besides me? I'm not talking generic names like "Thomas Bird" or "Blue Mountains." I mean very specific, unique names that I've personally created. There are a lot of names/places in my story that I’m extremely happy with, and I’m really worried someone else is will write a story before me with these names and then I won’t be able to use them, even though I’m the one that came up with them first.

[Ask edited for length]

Quick disclaimer: I'm not a copyright attorney, trademarking attorney, or any other kind of legal professional or representative. This advice comes from knowledge and experience gained in my many years as a writer and author.

Copyright, in the simplest of terms, means no one but you can copy, distribute, or profit from your work without your permission. It protects your work from plagiarism--someone else using your ideas in the exact same way you did and passing it off as their own-- but it does not protect the use of individual names, titles, fictional places, or ideas, none of which can be copyrighted.

Trademark, in the simplest of terms, protects symbols, words, or phrases that identify and distinguish your brand or business and the products or services associated with them. In order to trademark a symbol, word, or phrase, you would need to prove that consumers do (or would) strongly associate the symbol, word, character, or phrase with your brand/product/services, and that there would be confusion among consumers if this symbol, word, character, or phrase appeared in association with some other brand/product/service. So, we are talking symbols like the Nike logo, words like Kleenex, character names like Bugs Bunny or Spider-Man, and phrases like "Finger Lickin' Good," not your unusually named characters or fictional places.

The best way you can protect your unique character names and places prior to publishing is to make sure you don't share them widely, and share them only with people you trust.

Just because you have an idea now doesn't mean you're the one that came up with an idea first. For example, if someone publishes a comic next year with a same character name, they may have come up with that character name twenty years ago for all you know.

Either way, it's very unlikely someone would beat you to publication and have more than one unique character name or place in common with your comic, and even if they do have one character that has the same unique name, that doesn't mean you can't use it. Again, character names can't be copyrighted. As long as your character doesn't appear to be the same character with minor changes, you're fine. I really, really wouldn't worry about it, though.

One final note of advice... one of the hardest things about being a writer, which you must adjust to if you want to succeed, is understanding that your ideas aren't as special and unique as you think they are. I don't mean that to be mean, but it's a hard truth. You will see "your ideas" everywhere you look, because people will come up with the same ideas you do, and sometimes that means coming up with a similar unique name or location. But what matters is how you use those ideas, and how that differs from how they used them. That's what makes your stories unique. Not your ideas, names, places, etc. themselves, but how you use them. ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[tubbytarchia]

pause. zoom. enhance. good universe smallidarity being the one where joel isnt homophobic. i need to know more about your bad universe smallidarity joel <3

LMAO well "bad universe smallidarity" is how I interpret smallidarity personally. I know my following has been curated a lot by this point but I still get anxious to comment on it out in the open, so I'm just gonna: This is about characters. It's about characters. Hello I'm talking about characters and this says absolutely nothing about any relationships present in the real world and I wouldn't have it any other way than it is now. This is about characters and I am a big fucking fan of Jizzie, don't even doubt me (said in general, not to you lol)

Anyway. I made a long post about this before but it's a little bit cringe so I'm gonna try to sum my thoughts up again: I love analysing Joel's freak behavior and to me his character reads as homophobic but in a deeply closeted way. His relationship with Lizzie is extremely cute but I get more aroace vibes from it than anything honestly. Their characters would have gotten together because, it made sense to. "Hey we like each other, might as well get married" and good for them, but although they are cute and every now and then proclaim their love, it feels more like an obligatory sentiment to make to me, their characters within the Life series and other SMPs I've watched with them just don't strike me as a couple if you take away the specific terms they use that confirm it. Like honest to god someone can try and make a compilation of that and I'm willing to bet that the compilation of him and Jimmy being weird would be at least comparable in length. And frankly I don't think Lizzie gives much of a fuck anyway

Joel's treated Jimmy very undesirably in the past, main culprit being ESMP2, until out of nowhere he chooses to end their rivalry and proclaim them two best friends instead, which Jimmy very easily goes along with. This very sudden change in their relationship being enforced by Joel makes me think he came to some revelation and had a good think about it. That's a lie, he's bad at that, he probably had a meltdown instead and didn't know how to fix things other than to go tell Jimmy "hey lets be friends now and um impose new law". This is where he contributed to the Jimmy ecosystem (AKA the harmful environment and people that enforce the idea that Jimmy is inherently lesser than them) the most and then abruptly stopped. Instances of him belittling Jimmy one way or another still happen afterward but it really has changed and become both more lenient and less frequent. What has been a constant however is the weirdass homoerotic behavior

This since and before ESMP2, but it really gives vibes of someone in love but neglecting to acknowledge it and/or combating those feelings with vocal disapproval of any intimacy that could be inferred. He has a wife after all, in fact, he'll remind you every chance he gets. Joel has no problem indulging in and joking about more sexual approaches vs more affectionate ones. Eg, the neck kisses, calling Jimmy babe, having pillow talk with Tango and literally making a baby with both Jimmy and Sausage in ESMP. But anything affectionate makes him feel vulnerable and so that's a no-no. I have no good explicit examples for this other than the fact that he just doesn't engage in affectionate engages/jokes much (not even with Lizzie) and him refusing to hold Jimmy's hand in SL. It's all jokes, and if it does get too sus, no worries, he can always just proclaim "I have a wife!!" as a no-homo safety net. But methinks he's just in denial. Unfortunately when he starts to grapple with his feelings I think he becomes homophobic and has probably called himself every slur out there. It'd make sense to me given how he often acts around Jimmy. It's not that he has anything against the concept of gay, he just doesn't know how to handle himself being gay

But, along with him trying to step out of the ecosystem and instead wanting to support Jimmy, he's also become more open to intimacy? For lack of a better word. He's been much less outward about his interactions with Jimmy being jokes, eg the RL and WL kisses where they're both just fucking soft about it man and just carry on, or him declaring himself to just be flirting with Jimmy to Gem and Scar in WL with no caveat. Still, Joel absolutely can't express genuine love or care in any conventional manner to Jimmy which hmm. Why might that be... WL puts Joel's worry for Jimmy to the forefront where he is VERY vocally upset about almost each of Jimmy's deaths but can't express this to him any other way than to call him a loser. Other people might hear of his worry (eg Gem) or he'll defend Jimmy to them (disapproving of the premature grave people built for him in SL. This in general is really important in signifying his departure from the ecosystem by disapproving of others within it). He is very nice to Jimmy, like in WL (especially considering Jimmy's several attempts at killing him for no real reason) but only outside of vocal confirmation

This is why in the smallidarity compilation I included clips like him in Phasmo just saying he was worried about Jimmy TO Jimmy because this fucker never says that so this is substantial material for me. It's character development, maybe he's slowly exiting the closet and coming to terms with his feelings and that he can be "vulnerable". Anyway that's why I label him homophobic but the point is that he really does care Jimmy a lot and he's been much better to him and by virtue less homophobic towards himself

[fourormore]

[Image description: A polyam flag with the words “four or more bingo” on it. End description.]

FOUR OR MORE 2024 BINGO

AO3 COLLECTION | SQUIDGEWORLD COLLECTION

You thought I would stop at a ficathon? Hell no, I have a vision: a world where we can read about polycules and complicated relationships with four or more people until our eyes hurt and our hearts can't take it anymore.

Let me introduce to you: the 2024 Four or More Bingo!

This is a low-stakes, personal challenge. There's no penalty for not finishing or running late.

Cards will be given from October 20th to December 31st. Fills can be posted to AO3, SQWA or tumblr forever.

GUIDELINES

Any medium! Any rating! As long as your work focuses on a relationship with 4 or more people, it's allowed!

All works must be your own and not previously posted. AI generated works will be deleted from the collections.

You may combine these with other events, as long as the other event allows it (examples are @polyamships ' polyartober, lyricaltitles ' bingo, etc)

Small fandoms welcome!

Don't forget to comply with the community guidelines.

MEDIUM SPECIFIC GUIDELINES

Minimum wordcount for fics is 100 words. There is no maximum

Minimum for art is a sketch on unlined paper (figure sticks allowed!). There is no limit to the quality or effort you want to put in your fills.

Minimum for moodboards is a 3x3 grid (9 images individually or edited in one image). Maximum is given by the place where you decide to post. On tumblr, the maximum is 20 images, but on AO3, you're free!

Minimum for podfic is a 100-word fic. There is no restriction on maximum length or effects.

Minimum for fanvids is 30 seconds. There is no maximum.

Other mediums don't have a minimum. Do you want to make an in-universe magazine for your ship? A cross stich pattern? A sculpture? Go ahead and do it! I look forward to all the things you can create.

Prompts, FAQ and more below the cut!

PROMPTS

The following are the prompts that the bingo card will be generated from. Send us an ask if you want a card, and if you want any prompts specifically excluded from it (you can exclude up to 5 prompts). Feel free to request a new card at any time through December 2024, even if you've already received one. If these prompts seem familiar, it's because most of them come from the ficathon! I've chosen some of the most frequent prompts + some new prompts for added spice.

Hide and seek

Growing old together

Getting high together

Moving in together

"It's complicated"

Long distance

Going to a music event together

Medical AU

1920s AU

1950s AU

1980s AU

Y2K AU

Apocalypse AU

Cyberpunk AU

Meeting the parents

"Because I'm heartbroken"

Kink negotiation

Didn't know they were dating

Truth or dare

Skinny-dipping

Aromantic character

Coffee date

Pacific Rim AU

Gamer AU

Game night becomes an orgy

Stargazing

Trust issues

"My turn"

Omegaverse AU

Sedoretu

Sharing a bed

Wedding

Introspection

Dirty talk

Birthday sex

Coming home

Case fic

Morning after

"Don't look at me, this wasn't my idea"

Royalty AU

Combat training

Dancing

Confessions

Experimenting

Redemption

"Let me/us help"

Enemies to lovers

Friends to lovers

"Why me?"

Something made them do it (sex pollen, fuck water, in heat, etc)

Outsider POV

Wearing each others' clothes

Collection

A fandom you haven't written before

A fandom with canon set before the 20th century

A fandom that's 10+ years old

A fandom that's 20+ years old

A polycule with 5 people

A polycule with 8 people

A polycule with 10+ people FAQ

Q: So how do I get a card? A: Send us an ask, preferrably off anon, but if you prefer to remain anon, leave an emoji to identify you by.

Q: How many fics do I need to write? A: For a bingo, 5 prompts in a line (horizontal, vertical, or diagonal). You can even go for a blackout (all 25 prompts). Q: Why isn't X allowed? A: Just because.

Q: I don’t have a Dreamwidth account. Can I join? A: Of course! You don’t even need an AO3 account if you wish to post only on tumblr.

Q: My work contains [INSERT WARNING HERE]. Can I still participate? A: Yes. This is a CNTW (Choose Not To Warn) space.

Q: I don’t want to see [X] content, can you please remove it? A: No. The only content that will be removed will be that that does not comply with the rules.

COMPLETION POSTS

So, you have a bingo (or a blackout!), what now? Well, to acknowledge the fact that you spent time and effort on at least 5 fics, we'll be receiving bragging posts (also known as completion posts) where you can link all of your fills at once. Please follow this format. You may post on your own blog and @ us, tag #fourormore or submit it to the blog.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to send a message.

Have fun and bon appetit!

[soapymansuds]

Eternity and Counting

Pt.3

(Pt1, Pt2)

(I am SOOOOOO sorry I didn't post on Tuesday. Full honestly, I forgot. But today's chapter is a touch longer than usual as an apology. And by just a touch, I mean almost double the length of both previous chapters<3)

Obey me! X Angel!MC (They/Them Pronouns)

TW: Suicide, depression, self-deprecation, death, big feelings, lots of sad.

MC just can't handle anything anymore and takes their own life. Imagine their dismay to find even death isn't the end for them.Keep reading

~/\~

Since that day, my life, or afterlife I suppose, has been relatively simple. When I'm not resting in the garden, I'm running small errands for Michael. It's easy enough to avoid recognition here, but for the sake of my peace of mind, I wear a cloaking spell whenever I'm out. Simeon agreed not to tell anybody about my presence, and in exchange, he asked that I let him join me on my errands, even if he doesn't recognize me. He claims I could have any face in all three realms, and my presence would still bring him comfort. Sometimes he brings me updates on how the others are doing. Usually, he talks about Luke and his growth. He often avoids talking about the Devildom, and whether that's because he doesn't want to upset me or because he simply can't face them knowing what he knows, I've yet to figure out. It's a nice thought, him trying not to remind me of the best part of my life. But it's not overly helpful, given that, even if physical representations of our bonds weren't burned into my skin, everything I do reminds me of them anyway. I know it's selfish of me to make him keep my secret. But to be fair, I decided nearly a year ago that I am an inherently selfish creature, and I've come to terms with it.

Now that I'm on my own, things are easier. Nobody relies on me for much more than fetching papers or goods, and any failures that occur are mine to handle alone. It's simple. It's lonely. But it's simple. And it's good.

I suppose all good things must come to an end though. As I follow my long-since memorized path through the Celestial Palace, I can't help but wonder why I've been summoned. Usually, if Michael has a task for me, he simply brings it to me. But today he asked I meet him in the throne room, so here I am.

I'm greeted as soon as I swing open the door. "MC! Thank you for coming so quickly."

I'm nearly caught off guard by the use of my real name in public. For the sake of secrecy, Michael and Simeon have taken to calling me a fake name for the duration of my stay here.

"How can I help?" I nod as I close the door behind me. I take notice of Simeon's presence and he looks nervous. Never a good sign.

"I have some paperwork I need run to the Devildom. Usually I'd send Simeon, but I need him for another task today and this is rather urgent." Michael grins at me, likely in an attempt to sweeten the plan he's certain I would protest if given the chance.

I'm nearly nauseous at the idea of it. "You're joking, right? I mean this so genuinely, have you lost it?"

There's a flash of amusement on his face before he responds, "I would never make light of your trauma, no I am not joking. You have your cloaking spell, and all you need to do is hand the papers over to Barbatos. Maybe if he's busy, you'll have to hand them to Lord Diavolo himself. But then you can just come straight back. Simple and easy."

I stare at him, dead eyed and confused. "Yeah, seems super simple." I groan, sarcasm laced in every letter. "There's no getting out of this, is there?" I glance desperately at Simeon who seems to have loosened some of the tension in his spine at my pseudo acceptance of the whole ordeal. He shakes his head.

"Fine." I sigh. "Open'r up." with a lazy wave of my arm.

Michael nods, same fatherly grin plastered on his face as always. I'm sure he's convinced he's won some sort of mental battle, and maybe he has. Either way, he summons the portal, and I steal my nerves to step through. "I'm getting two days off when I get back." I call, lunging through the portal.

On the other side, I take a quick moment to make sure my cloaking spell hasn't warn off before looking around. I'm right where I had assumed I'd be. The courtyard's grand arches and elegant gazebo bring a chilly feeling of recognition to the back of my mind. How many gallas and celebrations had I spent out here, in search of some form of peace from the hustle and bustle? How many times had I stumbled upon Levi, or him upon me, in search of the same thing? I think for a moment that I wouldn't mind him stumbling upon me now.

I shake the thought from my mind as quickly as it occurs. Just deliver the paperwork.

I begin the path to the castle without a thought. The trail ingrained into my very psyche. I almost laugh at the thought. I abandoned this place, yet it never left me. What is it Djo said about men and cities?

I never allowed myself to dwell on it from the comfort of Michael's garden, but God did I miss the sky here. Something about the ever present swirling of purples and blues splashed across the stars is purely... divine. Not to say that the Celestial realm wasn't stunning. But there was always this sense of perfectionism, even in the natural landscape. It never felt right to me. Not like this at least. This has always been chaotic, but in the way a toddler helping in the kitchen is chaotic. Sure, shit's a mess and you're near certain it's going to end poorly, but if you take just a moment to watch it unfold, there's beauty in it.

I wish I could have been reborn as a demon.

No. No I don't. Living out the rest of my days, infinite as they may be, facing them with my own selfishness. I'm sure it would kill me a second time.

I'm utterly lost in thought and the view of the sky as I follow the path. So much so, I nearly miss the tail swishing on the ground in front of me. Luckily for me, it bats my ankle gently before I manage to step on it. Double luck, the contact doesn't wake it's sleeping owner.

Belphegor snores softly in the grass next to the path, curled up with his back to me. Something in me instinctively wants to curl up with him, but I know I can't. So instead, I sit. Divine garb be damned, I'm sitting on the dirt, watching him sleep. I consider making a run for it, but the subtle pull he's always had keeps me calm and still. Even in his sleep, even with our pact burned away, his presence still lulls me like a child.

I shake my head as if I were actually dozing off. Was I? Regardless, I stand up, settling to move him out of the trail, just a little. For the sake of the hazard he poses to himself and others. He's as warm as I remember as I press him further into the grass, tucking his tail over his leg before quickly stepping away and back to my task.

A warm feeling I can just barely remember washes over me and stops me in my tracks. How could I, after over a year away, fall so quickly back into routine. Not only how could I, but how dare I? I made my decision, and I've got no right to just wander in here and return to my position, doting and fawning over them. I truly am a selfish creature.

I tried to explain it to them, time and time again. But they simply refused to believe me. I cared so much, not because of them, but because I needed to. I needed to care for them to feel useful. Asmodeus once told me that I was a "pleasure sub". I told him I was willing to rip my own heart out to please him, but mostly because i never much cared for it anyway.

(As always, thank you soooo much for reading. If you'd like to be tagged in future uploads, please comment to be added to the list!)

-Your Friend, The Author

*tags*

@spffldlbrnf

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: starryeyedjanai! @starryeyedjanai has 74 fics in the Stranger Things fandom and 60 of them are in the Steddie tag!

@steddieas-shegoes recommends the following works by @starryeyedjanai:

All things end and all things change.

what lurks beneath

nights like this

if i could hold you for a minute (i’d go through it again)

"Janai is one of those authors that can make absolutely anything hot. I could sit and talk for hours about how they characterize Steve and Eddie. I absolutely love everything they write and always make it a priority to open the AO3 email when the notification comes in!" -- @steddieas-shegoes

Below the cut, @starryeyedjanai answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

These two burrowed their way into my brain and just won’t leave. I can’t not write them when I am thinking about them literally all the time and am brimming with new ways for them to fall in love.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I’m kind of a sucker for steddie talking via notes, letters, etc. before they ever meet in person. There’s just something so special about them falling in love in unconventional ways before they ever meet in person that hits the spot, you know? I also just really love all the creative AUs that people come up with that I never would have thought of writing.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

I love writing anything that has friends to lovers and especially if they are so, so stupid about it. Idiot4idiot my beloved. friends/acquaintances to lovers is So fun to explore because there are a million ways to do it. I love a good oh moment where things just click into place.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

It is So hard to pick just one!!! So i’ll list a few: One that I have reread a few times that I just really, really love is All I Do Is Want by novemberthorne. There’s just something really special about it—all the emotion in the beginning and then the smut which is just top tier. like a sack of bricks and literally anything by alligator_writes is great off the beaten path by pukner is also really, really great

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I have a fic idea that I've been thinking about for a while that involves alternate universes, like the metaverse, because if the Upside Down exists, there are probably other dimensions as well.

What is your writing process like?

It is honestly so variable. For the majority of my ficlets, I get an idea and just start hacking away at it intermittently until it’s done, so it’s safe to say that at any given time, I have like eight ficlets that are partially written. I never used to outline because I didn’t really write fics longer than around 5k, but since I’ve started writing longer fics, it is almost necessary for me to have an outline that hits all the major plot points because otherwise I will forget what I have planned. So for anything that I know will be longer than a ficlet, I’ll write out an outline, even just a few bullet points so that I can reference it when I’m writing and not lose sight of where the story is going. 

Do you have any writing quirks?

I use way too many em-dashes and my sentences are sometimes comically long, but the way I write is indicative of how fast my brain is moving, kind of. I typically headcanon Steve and Eddie to both have ADHD, so any fics in their points of view will have their thoughts coming out as fast as my own typically are. And sentence length and structure can really help convey that.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

I prefer posting once I’ve finished writing because my focus shifts around a lot and it sometimes takes a while for me to actually finish projects (like i had a fic that sat at 16k for months as I worked on other things that caught my attention and then I finally returned to finish the last couple thousand words six or so months later)

Which fic are you most proud of?

I am proud of all of my fics, but I really, really love how All things end and all things change. turned out. Some fics just come together so easily and this was one of them. I outlined the fic and let the idea marinate for a couple months and then I wrote ~20k in about a week and finished the fic.

How did you get the idea for All things end and all things change.?

This fic was for a holiday server exchange so my giftee gave me three prompts and I found ways to incorporate all of the prompts. I saw the prompt for mutual pining roommates and immediately knew I was going to write Eddie taking Steve home to Wayne over the holidays. I originally only planned on using that prompt, but the prompt for a snowy cabin getaway really called to me as I got further along in the fic and needed more tension between them. It was just a really excellent set of prompts.

When writing All things end and all things change., what was something you didn’t expect?

I did not expect it to get so long! My original estimate was 10k, but then I kept adding more to Wayne and Eddie showing Steve how special Christmas could be with people who care about him and then I added the cabin scene which added an easy 5k to the fic and then I was staring at what was, at that time, my longest complete fic. Wild.

What inspired what lurks beneath?

This honestly came out of left field for me because I had only ever written one other fic like it. I was doing kinktober for the first time and had a few different ideas for the prompt for that day and then I saw that the date of that prompt was Joey (@matchingbatebites)’s birthday and remembered her lake monster Eddie ficlet and instantly knew I wanted to explore a different version of lake monster Eddie.

What was your favorite part to write from if i could hold you for a minute (i’d go through it again)?

I really, really loved writing the flashes into the future at the end of the fic. Throughout the fic, there was some yearning and pining from afar and getting to write that everything works out in the end was cathartic.

How do/did you feel writing if i could hold you for a minute (i’d go through it again)?

Oh boy, this fic put me through the ringer. This was written for the steddie big bang and it was the first longer fic that I was attempting to write. I just had so many different ideas for this fic that it made it hard to choose the direction I wanted to go in. I probably have like an additional 20k words that just did not end up in the fic because it contradicted things that did end up in the fic or just didn’t fit with the vibe I was going for. There were times that I felt discouraged and felt like I might never finish it, but I am very pleased with how it turned out in the end! It was extremely rewarding to finally finish it and get it posted in February!

What was the most difficult part of writing nights like this?

Honestly, I don’t remember this one giving me any trouble at all. Once I got the idea in my brain, I think I sat down and wrote all 2.5k in a day. I do not know what my brain was doing during kinktober, but I think I ended up writing like over 60k that month and it was the only time that I’ve ever really been able to sit down and write a ficlet from start to finish like that and it happened with multiple of the ficlets that I ended up writing the day before they were published.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I really love the lead up to the smut in my fic catch the embers on my tongue. Like eddie being a little self-deprecating and in awe that steve might feel the same way he does was so fun to write. Also the summary for surface level freak is probably one of my favorite things i’ve written.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Some of the projects I’m working on right now are things I can’t really talk about, but look forward to fics from me in the Steddie Summer Exchange, the Steddie Bang 2024, and the ST Sapphic Mini Bang!

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Whoever nominated me, I am kissing you full on the mouth with tongue (if you’re into that kind of thing)

Thank you to our author, @starryeyedjanai, and our nominator, @steddieas-shegoes! See more of starryeyedjanai's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[casual-praxis]

“Probably no harmful side effects to this at all.”

Here’s Vio’s Slime Rancher AU design! I wasn’t entirely sure what I was working with when I went into this, but I think it turned out alright-ish in the end. ^~^’

He was supposed to have more of a scientist vibe, but I didn’t want to take too much inspiration from Viktor, so this is the route I went instead. He’s a little unhinged, but he’s keeping it together. Mostly.

More details about Vio's role in the AU below the cut if anyone is interested!

I touched on a few details already back in this post, but I've had a few more concepts in mind since then, so I'll go ahead and list them now so I don't forget later.

+ Vio was the first to arrive at the shared ranch and spent about a year alone before Shadow arrived. In that time, he explored a majority of the map on his own, save for the ruins and desert. He was actually in the process of figuring out how to get into the ruins when Shadow arrived, which sidetracked him a bit.

+ Due to being one of the first inhabitants of the Far, Far Range, Vio didn't have a lot of information to work off of with the Slimepedia, so he made his own guide for navigating the wilderness. Needing to discover more slimes was the main thing tripping him up with the ruin's Slime Gate.

+ Vio is the only one in the group to have a tongue piercing. It takes varying lengths of time for everyone to discover that fact though. Shadow noticed it the quickest.

+ Because of prolonged exposure to Quantum Slimes (one of which he may or may not have eaten, for science purposes), Vio's physical form occasionally glitches and/or becomes more transparent. Luckily, he doesn't seem to create "ghosts," but if left unchecked he does start to hear things in other realities.

These glitches aren't very frequent, and can be fixed by either inflicting pain or splashing water on him. He opts to inflict pain rather than get wet constantly, it's what his bracelet is secretly for.

+ As a side effect of his reality-warped perception, talking to Vio when he's less physically stable can net some interesting results. Mostly just jumbled or gibberish sentences and the occasional mixed topics. Something akin to, "the slime even the yet carrot gold, no, what?"

+ For at least a year and a half, Vio used his vacpack in his non-dominant hand simply because it wasn't designed for left-handed people. He wanted to wait for someone else to show up before attempting to tinker with it, just in case he broke it beyond repair.

Upon realizing Shadow, and later on, Red, were also both left-handed, he figured this might be an oversight to report to 7Zee after all.

+ Whenever someone has a question about the Slimepedia specifically, they go to Vio. He knows way too much about everything, to the point where he's actually a little burnt out on the whole exploring thing. He still runs experiments, but he's almost done with all he can think of doing out there.

+ At some point, Vio was able to talk with an alternate version of himself. Though the content of that conversation is unknown, he did become noticably warmer towards the others afterwards. The idea of becoming like that alternate self is haunting.

(Hint: alt-Vio found new test subjects to play with.)

+ His soft spot for Red and Shadow is more obvious, but he has his tells with Green and Blue as well.

He rather likes having objectives to focus on, and Green trusts him to handle the more difficult tasks, so he won't complain if Green bosses him around a little. But only a little.

With Blue, it's more subtle. He doesn't fight as hard as he used to over his lack of self-care. If Blue shows up at his lab demanding he take a break and eat food/nap/etc, he only pushes back a little before giving in. Otherwise Blue might try to manhandle him, and that's just embarrassing.

+ The little pouch on his leg is for medical supplies. Namely bandages, just in case his bracelet punctures skin and draws blood.

Bonus: Close-up details of Vio's eyes because the glitch effect there is almost always occurring, unlike his full-body one.

(The way I draw this will probably change in the future if I continue on with this AU, but it looks okay enough for now.)

[brigdh]

Ed and the mortifying ordeal of being known

Ed does not like revealing his feelings. He is incredibly consistent about lying,

hiding

displacing,

distracting, or just outright denying what he's feeling instead of actually talking about it. This is a consistent pattern of behavior with him. There are a few exceptions – most significantly, I think, the bathtub scene where he confesses to Stede about killing his father – but they are a) rare, and b) occur under unusual circumstances, such as a PTSD flashback. In general Ed goes to great lengths to prevent people from recognizing the truth about him.

I don't really blame Ed for this habit, to be clear. He went through an abusive childhood, and though we don't see a lot of the exact dynamics in baby Ed's house, it's very common for abused children to become hyper vigilant of both their own and others' emotions. It's an attempt to exert some, any control they can over the situation, as though they can prevent setting off the abuser if they just always say and do the right thing.

Ed escaped into piracy, but in terms of talking about his feelings, I don't think it was much of an escape. Piracy in OFMD seems to be a place where the idea of having friends (though not the reality – I'd argue Ed might not use the word 'friend', but has had close relationships) is to be scoffed at. "We're all just in various stages of fucking each other over!" says Calico Jack, and being open about your emotions, plans, hopes, etc would just make it all the easier to be betrayed. On the other hand, lying, obfuscating, or just telling everyone about Plan A and then instead pulling off Plan B makes you look like a double-crossing genius who outthought everyone around you. So I'm not surprised that's Ed's learned to be manipulative and uncommunicative. I don't think he's ever been in a situation where emotional openness wouldn't be a disadvantage.

Regardless of why he does this, it's very clear that it's a pattern of behavior for him. This is one reason why I don't think Sad Robe Ed back in Episode 10 was healing – healing requires addressing and dealing with your feelings, and Ed was very much not doing that. I've already written a whole post going through that episode and laying out how Ed never once mentions Stede, or love, or heartbreak, or anything related to what he's going through, so I'm not going to do it again here. In brief, Ed's putting on a performance of sadness for the crew, but it's a generic, vague sort of sadness, without any connection to his personal, specific pain.

Who finally brings up Stede in Ep 10? It's sure not Ed. Izzy:

Which brings us to Season Two. How is Ed doing now?

He's once again making a performance of his pain, and once again keeping it vague, not letting any of his true, personal hurts be revealed.

These:

Are performances of his pain and sadness, but just like before, they're generic, unspecific. This is "Mad Devil Pyrate Blackbeard", not heartbroken, human Ed. Who is it that brings up the private reality of what's causing this toxic atmosphere? Once again, not Ed. It's Izzy, just like before. And this time he gets shot immediately for saying Stede's name, and Ed doesn't even look at him.

In all three episodes, Ed mentions Stede directly only once, and very pointedly, it's when he's alone:

I'm glad Ed has decided that he wants to live, but that's the beginning of a journey, not the end. What I really want to see in the next couple of episodes is Ed finally, for once, opening up. He doesn't want to be vulnerable, but the lack of emotional intimacy that constantly lying and performing has gotten him is, quite literally, killing him.

Ed can't get over his own, very real pain until he's willing to admit that it exists. I want to see him acknowledge where he hurts. He needs friends. He needs love. He can't get those without being honest.

I hope he does. I hope the show will have him do this work instead of skipping him ahead immediately to the happy ending, no behavioral change required. I think they will. It's kind of their motto, after all: talk it through as a crew.

Now if the co-captains would just follow their own advice...

[totallynotsilversora]

Can we appreciate and analyze how impeccable Vash’s skills as a marksman is bc I hadn't noticed anyone talk about it in length and this gif literally drives me insane:

Content warning: mentions guns / gun and shooting below the cut because otherwise this analysis would be moot.

This is coming from someone who used to only shoot air rifles for sport like how you'd see it in the Olympics with paper targets!

Ok so as I’ve said I've shot guns before (not at anyone ya sickos) and believe me when I say that Vash has such a good steady aim his arm doesn’t even bend when he moves it - he moves it from the shoulder/ his waist to keep that arm straight and relaxed as possible, which is crazy because that gun looks like a BRICK made of solid metal. There's no way that thing is light, there's definitely some weight to it, but the way he moves it is smoother than most people I've seen lift a credit card.

Now it’s not unusual in sport to have at least some tiny weight on the end of the barrel to keep it steady and act as a counterbalance but that’s like Olympics, not a fight. Vash may be superhuman but I don’t think carrying a cross like the Punisher would make fighting any easier, so it’s safe to say holding a decently heavy chunk of metal filled with lead isn’t easy either (I’m pretty sure the humans we’ve seen so far held their guns with two hands either due to weight or stability and they're not so smooth anyways).

So him tracking someone with a gun like that in only ONE HAND is kind of impressive even at that close range bc it doesn't matter how many times you hit your mark, your barrel would NOT be as steady as Vash in that gif unless you're this gif of Kobeni from CSM:

Even that scene in episode 3 when Vash is aiming at Knives (which I can’t find a good gif of) he doesn’t move the barrel at ALL until he has to lift it and follow Knives’ head. No shaking, no wobble, not even the SLIGHTEST figure 8 you’d normally get when you aim down a barrel - it’s a smooth turn of his wrists following Knives’ head up.

And that’s all from EXPERIENCE. Look at the two gifs below:

You can literally see how much he’s improved since he lost his arm - he’s expectantly super wobbly compared to the last gif in episode 2. He notably doesn’t “force” the gun to stay in one spot and aim where it needs to be - he raises it then let’s it “settle” on where he’s aiming to shoot before firing. A good shooter knows how to aim and take the shot before they lose the target w/o moving (called “following through”), but a great marksman knows that when it comes to shooting you should never fight against the body’s natural tendencies to move the way it wants to even when you’re aiming at something because you’re less likely to wobble or move when your body is relaxed and comfortable. Moving it away from that position will cause you to quiver and inevitably try to return to that same comfortable position against your will. That’s not just something you pick up on naturally - you have to LEARN that shit.

Which means Vash literally took the time to either completely unlearn every single one of his body’s natural ticks in order to shoot like a pro OR he learned how to work along with each one so his aim was always on point. Either way, it took him 150 years of practice to reach that level and it definitely paid off for him I think!

There’s a bunch of other ticks I noticed, too, like him keeping his trigger finger on the side of the gun if he’s not aiming to shoot anything in that moment but still has the gun in his hand so he doesn't accidentally misfire:

Or how he never keeps one eye closed bc the twitching WILL make you shake and lose focus so he always keeps both eyes open when aiming so he sees better:

But this post is long enough as is and I think we all get the idea that he’s that fricking good at using a gun.

TL;DR Studio Orange did a fantastic job convincing me that Vash is an INSANELY GOOD marksman and this is coming from someone who used to shoot air rifles for sport and had an incredible coach who would also agree with me and say this guy’s aim is surreal if he ever watched this show. Also his reload speed is absolutely demonic too like what the actual hell-

EDIT: added that scene from episode 3 just to show you guys what I meant (sorry it's low quality but you get it!!! Also the fact he's keeping his finger on the trigger bc he knows how unpredictable Knives is and could strike him down at any moment just shows how confident he is at keeping his hand steady bc if he were shaking he would DEFINITELY have misfired by now).

[hangingslothcentral]

Today is the fourth anniversary of the day I launched Spirit Box Radio, and it's also the last day of trans awareness week.

I have a lot of big feelings about SBR. If you've listened to the show, you'll know that I was medically transitioning through its release. I went on T at the show's midpoint, in the middle of S2, and my voice was changing throughout the rest of the show's run. I got top surgery two months after the show ended, almost exactly to the day.

Now. We're all big enough and daft enough to be able to have a grown up conversation about this, I think. So here's some stuff about that experience I haven't really talked about before.

1. I wish there had been media which had trans creators transitioning alongside a character who is transitioning when I was younger. The main reason for this is that it would have been representation of trans people, but honestly? The main thing I wanted was to see someone transitioning over a long period of time. So often, transition seems to happen behind closed doors. Unless you are lucky enough to have lots of trans people around you (I grew up in semi-rural Wales so no luck for me there) you just do not see it happening. People, understandably, want to hide the length of the process, the messy in between stages.

2. Transitioning and playing Sam transitioning simultaneous to me was one of the most mentally challenging and emotionally vulnerable things I've ever done. I do not say this lightly; I'm a survivor of abuse and I've seen a lot of shit in my life. I've come out as nonbinary at a corporate job and argued with a university about changing my name on my graduation certificate. As much as I loved it, and still love it, and I'm intensely proud of it and SO glad it exists, making SBR was fucking brutal. Hours of editing my own voice through a period where it sounded different on a near-weekly basis. Having no idea how I sounded anymore and posting episodes anyway. Dealing with the emotional fallout of people responding weirdly to me in my real, actual life whilst portraying a character who is outcast, isolated, and terrified of himself? Challenging as fuck.

3. Many people need to examine the way they're talking about trans men. The conversations around Sam shifted very violently as my voice dropped. This is in part due to the arc this character follows, but it's hard not to notice a shift in language as dramatic as this. It started as soon as the show came back from its S2 midseason break and my voice had shifted down a bit. People talked less about Sam being cute, and for the first time, I started to see people talking about him like he was sexy. These things aren't mutually exclusive, but it was very noticeable to me, especially in contrast to conversations about Oliver, Sam's hot, cis gender, florist boyfriend, who was categorised as sexy from the off. Before my voice dropped, even though they were using the right pronouns for them, people talked about Sam with very feminine, infantilising language, and this almost entirely stopped when my voice dropped.

4. I am so fucking glad I did this. Yes, it was brutal, emotional, and I really struggled through a lot of this process, and I am so glad I did this. I will have the immense privilege of medically transitioning in the way I have over the last few years exactly once in my life. I am glad I took that vulnerable moment and made art with it. I'm glad that my transition is captured and mirrored by this thing I was making at the time it was happening. I'm glad that thousands of other trans people have listened to the show and have heard me doing this as they are doing it, or before they do it, or after, or as they're deciding not to, or finding out they can't, or realising they'll never have the chance, or any one of the myriad experiences of transness that exist. I am, frankly, honoured to have been a part of such a vulnerable aspect in the lives of so many people.

Thank you for reading this. Thank you for listening to the show, if indeed you already have. If you enjoy my work, I would love to be able to pay my bills and be able to keep making it. I have never made even minimum wage for the work I do on my shows. Please consider becoming a member.

[lady-of-the-puddle]

Good Omens 2 Opening-What are they marching toward?

Hi, there's something about the opening credit sequence that immediately caught my eye upon the first viewing. @metatronhateblog and I have discussed the whole opening credits at length (helps that we're siblings and can sit in the same room to talk about it) and we both will probably make some posts about things we haven't seen addressed yet.

I haven't seen anyone mention this particular thing yet, but forgive me if this has already been pointed out.

This mountain they are marching up? This is Zion.

I'm almost certain. It's a very interesting word that's used several times in the Old and New Testament, most notably for me in the book of Revelation, which I read a lot as a former Christian (I liked it cause it was the least boring thing to read).

It has a few different meanings from what I've gathered (a note: this is not about z*ionism.), which I will try to give brief explanations on.

Originally I believe it was meant to be an actual location in Jerusalem, a hill/mountain that held the City of David. Literally called Mount Zion I think.

In the Old Testament it also is described as being the place where God rests, where they are enthroned.

Now look at this.

Pretty sure that's a throne room? It looks like a Greek temple, so I think that's the vibe it's going for. The place where God is located.

Most interestingly, Zion is symbolic of the city of heaven, which will come to earth and God will dwell with the people upon Jesus' return and judgement (at least that's what I'm getting from the text? It can be difficult for me to decipher sometimes). Revelation 14:1 states

"Then I looked, and there before me was the Lamb, standing on Mount Zion, and with him 144,000 who had his name and his Father’s name written on their foreheads."

I believe this is the first time Jesus appears during(after maybe?) the great Tribulation (aka, all the torments the earth endures during this time before his return) with those who have been chosen by God. "The Lamb" refers to Jesus, for those who may not know.

I thought it was odd that this possible Zion reference was placed here in season 2 since it's not something that we've seen or heard mentioned thus far, but I think we can safely assume it has to do with season 3 and the Second Coming.

A side note, there's something else I caught while looking at this as well:

I could be wrong, but it looks like these cherubs are tipping bowls. BOWLS!

In John's visions in Revelation 16, we see seven angels with bowls pouring out plagues to the earth. Bowls of God's wrath. I could go into what they are but that's a whole other post. For some reason I always remembered the bowls the most, I have no idea why. There's so much to find in the opening, it's like a scavenger hunt and my little brain loves it! Anyway.

Fascinating that Zion is what the people and our heroes are marching toward. Are they simply moving toward the end times (again)? Are they marching straight to God's house to get some answers (Aziraphale might be)? Are they moving toward that utopian heaven on earth as they begin eternity, forever and ever amen (as Michael mentions in the forbidden heavenly footage)? Maybe all three.

It may not be all that important and just be purely symbolic, but I thought it was neat. There really is so much in the details!

Thanks for coming to my rambling! I'm going to go try finding more references now.

[canmom]

booksbooksbooks - "yeah ok uh. you're worthless! how about that!"

I read Tell Me I'm Worthless by Alison Rumfitt! I have previously talked about Brainwyrms on here, her second novel; this is her first, and honestly they are such similar books (thematically, structurally, stylistically - it's possible even that they are in a shared continuity) that a second comment almost feels redundant - but then it turned out I had a lot to say when I got into it. Spoilers below, though I think most of the effect of this book is how it's told rather than what happens.

(Also: the recent bookcrit posts will sometime soon be making their way to canmom.art for easier reading - I've rather dragged my feet on that but Soon(TM).)

So this is a haunted house book that's about fascism. You know it's about fascism before the book even begins, since it says as much in the content warning. More specifically it's about British fascism, personified in an evil house called Albion at the edge of Brighton that corrupts all around it, drawing people in and bringing out the fascist mindset in them.

It would be reasonable to fear this might end up as a polemic loosely packaged as a novel - even if an absolutely on-point and warranted polemic. You can absolutely see how characters fit into the 'argument': a white trans woman who has not fully escaped her racist upbringing on the one hand, her Jewish-Pakistani girlfriend* who runs into the arms of the TERF movement on the other, their blonde cis third wheel who is the first to be fully corrupted by the House. A plot hinging on conflicting accusations of rape; the house itself being established through a series of eugenicist murders. And on top of that, in between parts you get some quotes from, variously: Félix Guattari's Everybody Wants to be a Fascist, Isabel Fall's Helicopter Story, Umberto Eco's Ur-Fascism, a Stewart Lee skit, and William Blake's A Little Boy Lost (primarily for the 'Albion' pull I think).

*actually a deep closeted trans guy, wouldn't ya know it

I think it would be easy to find this directness kind of annoying, but what makes it work for me is largely its style. Rumfitt has a hell of an ability to set a mood and environment, to convey the all-too-real bitterness and pain of its characters in circumstances I recognise. It is a story more than willing to veer into delirious fever-dream streams of consciousness or to spend a few pages quoting some fetishist imageboard rant at length. But more important is the genuine and raw anger of the author that seems to run through it: when the narration slips into addressing the reader, it feels like the intensity of feeling can't be contained in fictional devices anymore. The word 'sharp' is surely a cliché, but this is the kind of book to leave you looking up and going 'phew' between chapters. It works because it is able to make you feel the bleakness that its narrative demands.

(Possibly a relevant comparison at this point would be Sálo, but something to develop another time.)

At the same time, it's a book that is so blatantly About Stuff that it's almost impossible to read it simply as a novel. It has a certain degree of mystery structure (what happened in the House? what became of Hannah? who raped who?) and escalating waves of intensity to pull you along, it's got setups and payoffs and callbacks as the ideas raised early in the story bloom again in the final blast of words, but it's not really something you can simply take as a haunted-house story. Some of the biggest horror scenes would be kind of completely ridiculous without the metaphor-drenched context.

We can describe the main beats, all the same.

the bit where I summarise the plot

Alice and Ila are two survivors of an ill-fated expedition into an abandoned house. Alice (trans girl) is haunted by something which manifests in the form of a stain on the wall, and when she covers it by a picture of a racist singer from the 80s who she once admired, his phantom (it's presumably Morrissey, but they book doesn't ever name him). she gets by through shooting sissy hypnosis videos for clients who have her say all sorts of dubious racist shit. Ila (cis) has been welcomed as a token brown woman for the TERF movement, getting interviewed on the radio and invited to conferences. Both of them remember being raped and multilated by the other during the visit to the House - more on that anon. The third member of the party, Hannah, entered with them but never left the House.

Alice's closest thing to friends are a hetero couple of hard partiers; the guy Jon is into knifeplay and it's clearly not something his partner is all on board with. She tries to hook up with a girl but the Morrissey-haunting scares her away, providing some setup for the concepts of haunting this book will use. Ila, meanwhile, is almost raped by another TERF after recounting her story at a conference; the woman in question preemptively DARVOs her on social media so she won't tell. Some other cis(?) girl who Ila had deliriously called a tranny during sex (thanks House!) seconds it. Throughout all this, Ila has been frequently messaging Alice asking to talk again.

The narrative jumps around; we gradually learn more about the circumstances of their previous trip into the House (named Albion by its first two inhabitants), and its history: built by a gay guy in a period that would get you arrested and named Albion by his 15-year-old lover, then the site of a series of eugenicist murders (with explicit allusion to Bluebeard); in modern times, the random suicides it inflicts on the people in the buildings around it, etc. It's a real bad House

So, Hannah (cis, straight) had been feeling third-wheeled by the couple Alice and Ila. We get some flashbacks as Hannah: that time Alice and Ila had sex on the beach and Hannah totally heard it all, that time Hannah hooked up with a black guy and Alice and Ila were kind of assholes to him... When they enter the house together, Hannah becomes separated and drawn to the red room at the heart of the house. When Alice and Ila enter, Hannah is fully claimed by the House and physically transformed into a human swastika, and the narrative splits in two as both Alice and Ila enact brutal rapes on each other; in one version, Alice cuts 'ARBEIT MACHT FREI' into Ila's belly, in the other, Ila cuts a symbolic vagina into Alice's scalp. The two of them leave the House with these injuries, and the narrative pointedly refuses to tell us that one is the real course of events, or that something else happened.

Ila contacts Alice and convinces her to return to the House to put an end to it. They try to have sex and they're not feeling it; then they have nasty politicised sex, which gives the book its title:

“Call me it, please,” she says. “Call you what?” “You know. You know you want to, as well.” She hesitates for a moment. But Alice is right. She does want to. “You fucking tranny,” Ila moans. “God. Fuck. Please.” The pleasure is nearly unbearable for Alice. “Do it again. Tell me what you think of me, what you really think of me. Tell me I’m nothing. Tell me I’m worthless.” “You,” Ila grabs Alice’s hair, “are a fucking worthless tranny.”

Finally the two go into the House and we enter a kind of fever dream of an alternative fascist-ruled timeline in the green and pleasant lands where Mosley plays on the radio, Alice never transitions and marries Hannah and kills herself, Ila is deported to unknown quarters, and then in a parallel vision they both embrace while respectively self-disembowelling and bleaching -

then, finally we get a version where they escape alive and burn the House, only for its curse to continue to affect the next building to be built there, which gives rise to a bomber who bombs the Pride parade where Alice and Harry (formerly Ila) are walking together. But they hold each other in the ashes. t4t end.

You get all that?

I'm leaving out various dream sequences, flashbacks, and meditations on the state of things, like the factory or the, 'shitty transvestite pigs', which could honestly be said to be more important than the narrative itself.

fascism then

So for a book that is so much about fascism, what does it actually have to say on the subject? The facet of fascism examined here is mostly of the online-radicalisation or unspoken-sentiment type, the thing you tell yourself is a joke until you stop telling yourself that. The characters are carrying intrusive patterns of thought, taking different but similar forms for each. The House, or the ideology, feeds on their interpersonal resentments and drives them towards self-destructive cruelty.

In the narration that is (at least at times) their train of thought, they ask themselves why they stay in the House, or get drawn back. The closest thing to an answer comes, in Hannah's point of view, shortly before the dual rape scene:

Alice tried to kick open the door, but it wouldn’t move, however hard she kicked. It felt like there was nothing on the other side of the door – that it wasn’t a door at all, but the border to the world, and the inside of this room was the entire world. If you were to open the door you would find… what? The world outside is dark and unknowable. In the room you are safe. You are subject to violence, abuse, mistreatment, hurt, pain, all of the above, but you are safe from what is outside the room and that is what matters, inside the room is the pain you know, outside the room is the pain you do not know, it’s not a hard choice to make in the end, to sit here ‘neath the burning sun of her body, (...)

But more than that, fascism is some kind of permanent infestation. The House itself is at once England (as the name Albion suggests) and the persistent, seemingly eternal infestation of fascist ideology, which are pretty much one and the same - a country so racist that it will vote to kill its own immune system right before a global pandemic, a country so racist that the very ground stinks, a country so racist that your seemingly left-liberal parents have a map of the British Empire hanging on their wall (excerpted from the middle of a run-on-sentence too long to reproduce here).

So Alice and Ila confront their dalliance with fascism by returning to the House, and in a sense purge themselves through this catabasis; but fascism is not destroyed when the House is ruined, or burned down, or replaced with flats, and keeps growing back to consume more lives.

Mostly the thing the book seems to have to say about fascism is it's fucking everywhere and it's terrifying, a sentiment that is hard to disagree with. But it also has a fair bit to say in depicting its dynamics in the modern world.

What of this dual rape scene then? There is a scornful paragraph at one point about how the social-justice rules of engagement totally fail, mockingly describing how you could plug the two characters into an intersectionality calculator to determine who has narrative authority here, ending with this remark:

So, there’s just two girls leaving a house and maybe you don’t have to take a side, maybe you can empathise with them both and hope they get the therapy and help they need and can learn to forgive one another. No. You can’t do that. Are you a fucking idiot? Are you that fucking stupid that you genuinely think you can do that and that something like that is possible?

At the same time as presenting this situation of absolute ambiguity, the book doesn't seem shy about acknowledging there are straight up bad actors, whether Jon or the older TERF; recurring more than once is the idea of the moves a rapist might make to silence a victim or witness. All sorts of lines: "I'm too important to the movement, think of what would happen", or blatant lies, "it's the only way [the unconscious person] can get off".

All of this, frankly, accords with my experience of the world; these are all things that happen. If it revels a little in setting up these little ironies in its account of the TERF movement (elsewhere we see Ila making up stories to post on a forum that is obviously Mumsnet), it is also painfully cognisant of the ugly dynamics of accusations. Elsewhere this very website gets a shoutout! In an Alice POV chapter:

When I was about fifteen, I used the website Tumblr. It still exists, as far as I know. It was a strange place, and it’s hard to even describe how the culture of it felt when you were part of it: at times welcoming and at times unbearably tense. It was the first time I really read about what being trans was, and it was also where I was sent endless anonymous messages telling me to kill myself. People would often accuse others of things, baselessly, and those accusations would stick to them however much they tried to shake them away. One of my Tumblr mutuals was accused of being a paedophile and a Nazi. We hadn’t really talked much at all – she’d re-blogged my selfies a few times, and I hadn’t thought much about that until people started to accuse her. I began to wonder what her intentions had been when she shared a fifteen-year-old’s selfies. She denied these accusations, of course. Anyone would. She claimed that the people accusing her of being a paedophile and a Nazi were TERFS – and the problem was that some of them were. Or had, at least, started to share TERF rhetoric onto their blogs. Which made sense… they had just been exploited by an older trans woman, and suddenly these other older women were telling them, oh, come join us. There’s a pattern to this, and we don’t have to accept it as normal. I didn’t understand it at the time, I was just angry, angry and confused, but I get it now, with Ila spooning me. I understand why she is the way she is. I hope she understands why I am like I am, too. (...dialogue about the House happens...) I stopped using Tumblr shortly after that whole affair, and after having other people creep on me too – most notably a nineteen-year-old fat rights activist who seemed obsessed with my hair. I turned to 4chan and other forums in that vein, where, even if there were Nazis and paedophiles, at least they were generally honest about being those things, even as they remained anonymous. It felt better to know that I was talking to someone who liked to masturbate over little boys than to talk to someone and find that out about them later.

I was a bit older than the fictional Alice when I arrived on here, and I've never had the sense to leave lmao, but this accords well enough with my experience - notably, I strongly recall how a certain opposed accusation of rape/abuse (with knifeplay involved!) torpedoed the simplistic 'believe accusations' worldview I had held onto up to that point. The girls involved became a cause célèbre for two rival factions in the trans scene at the time, with who you believed largely depending on who your friends were, each rallying to defend theirs and cast the others as apologists. Ironically, both those groups would later fall apart.

Whatever parallels I might draw to touchy real life history, we can certainly see here some of the devices this book likes to use: a long personal illustrative anecdote of some messy shit, seguing into a moment of narration and a remark that connects it to the present, and helps sketch its characters as the extrusion of much-larger social forces. It is not easy to adequately capture complexity without getting completely lost in mush, and I think this book manages solidly. (I am tempted to draw certain parallels to works like Psycho Nymph Exile which address similar dynamics, but that would be way more than I want to get into right now).

It is strange reading this book, in many ways. I have only been in Bright a few times, but once was indeed for a Trans Pride, and I remember sitting on the beach described in the book (I went home before anyone started fucking). I may not have shown up to some anti-TERF demo, but I know well the 'tuneless chants' that Ila derides in her early POV chapter. So many trans books are American, and here is one that is furiously British, and that certainly strikes a chord.

With everything so caught up in magic and metaphor, what can we pull out of our own immersion in this book's wash of terrible images? Simply to love each other defiantly, in the spirit of the old songs? I recall talking with @thesiltverses on how horror and dystopian fiction undermines itself by presenting a relief at the end, and I am inclined to agree. There is no relief here, no 'this is what we need to do to counter the rise of fascism'; it is a story that ends only in a tragic moment of defiance, tinged with that little cynical detail, after a fascist bombs a Pride parade:

He goes to her, on his hands and knees, rubble and blood and bodies all around them. The police, the ambulance, the news crews. They are coming. Photographers are taking pictures of them, and they will put these pictures on the front pages of newspapers, and the picture will be with them forever, they won’t ever escape it, two trans people covered in blood and embracing amidst the carnage. The photographer who gets the image wins a prize for it. They don’t know that yet. They only know this: Harry crawls towards Alice with the last of his strength, his arms outstretched and reaching. The rain will come. When it does it will be bloody. The future will be red-tinted and unknowable, but they will be together. Come to me now, mouths Alice. Hold me.

I feel like this is the tone of a lot of recent tranny-adjacent fiction: we cannot stop them coming, but we will live furiously all the same: a story about the possibility of a pocket of change, that two people so thoroughly corrupted by the House could move past it. Is that all we can hope for? If we can win more, it's probably not for a horror novel to say so.

I know I know at least one person who has known Alison Rumfitt, the UK trans scene being what it is. I'm glad her book is resonating with people, if it is only those who show up at queer bookshops (shoutout to Category Is books where I got my physical copy). We are certainly experiencing a moment for grimdark fiction, and while that suits my tastes rather more than the 'cosy', I distrust any self-congratulation about being soooo transgressive and nasty compared to those pathetic wimpy steven universe gays. This, however, is something quite different: it's nasty because it's simply extremely pointed and the subject kind of demands it.

A couple of weeks ago I was discussing with some people at the film festival about how you'd do a film adaptation of this book. Having now read it, I'm scratching my head - it seems rather unfilmable, because so much of what it's saying is caught up in internal monologues and devices of narration that would hardly translate to the screen. But hey, you know what, if someone tries, I want to see.

[i3utterflyeffect]

(´▽`ʃƪ) c ould you please summarize the main plot points of some of your recent aus? (for example, im really digging selkie and loc, but i missed what exactly ended up happening with cho and dark in the former (both when they came to be and recently), & the entire inciting idea/event of the latter (and probably other deets i have no idea i missed))

how many are covered and at what length is up to u

i love perusing the asks but i get easily lost <3 tysm

augh alright!! okay so!

Loss of Control AU

Basically, this is post-showdown, but Dark did survive! It takes place right around the same time that the episode The Box does in canon!!!

Chosen and SC are captured, but so is Dark! Victim drains Dark's powers to take them for themself but it goes very very wrong and Victim loses all control, basically going into a feral state where they are constantly in fight/flight, which is very bad when you have brand new powers you can't control :(

Victim immediately is in a lot of pain, and basically wrecks a ton of Rocket Corp. The mercs are kind of at a loss as to what to do since Victim destroyed a lot of their weapons in the initial panic, and end up going to Chosen, because how the fuck else are you supposed to stop a superpowered stick on a rampage? c!alan didn't have any better ideas and without their tools the mercs aren't really in a much better situation

Chosen ends up getting released alongside SC, and finds out what happened to Dark, so they end up kind of freaking out. They can't exactly leave Dark here, because they ABSOLUTELY don't trust the Mercs to not just turn around and hold Dark hostage to get the upper hand again, and if Dark found out they would absolutely try to pursue Victim and Chosen. so they very reluctantly go with their best idea-- keep Dark safe by trapping them on the desktop!

admittedly i like to imagine either stick!alan or normal cursor alan depending on whatever's more fun for the situation, so that's not really set in stone at all lol

but that's basically the whole deal what's going on with dark and chosen!

Selkie Sticks AU

basically i have no idea how Alan becomes a selkie but the summary of the most important stuff is here!!!!

Dark does survive in this AU and gets redeemed as I've recently decided. :]

selkie!SC basically starts out as a toddler just because i think it's fun! Alan adopts the rest of the CG when they're around 4! (not as in how long they've existed but their age lol)

selkie!chosen is very much protective of their younger siblings, and kind of ends up bonding with alan a lot because they help take care of SC and the tiny CG a lot!

the CG have 'coats' as well, but they aren't selkies! alan actually made the little 'coats' for them as a gift. they're not real coats, but Alan figured that they'd want something to match! he was very much correct and the CG love their false coats a lot

also i sometimes talk about an AU where selkie!alan is still stuck as a cursor while taking care of SC! that's not a part of the main AU i just think it's so so funny to imagine

i think that's about all the tidbits i have that aren't covered tho!!

Stick!Noogai

i'm just including this one bc it's a favorite of mine hehe.

basically, during AVA 1, Alan somehow gets stuck in the computer! i'll be referring to him as Noogai from here on bc that's his name in the au :]

anyway, when he gets stuck, Victim terrorizes him for a while, before Noogai makes Chosen! in this AU Chosen is actually the one with mission code, but it just sums up to 'please protect me i am SO SCARED'! this goes very badly while it's still in strong effect but Chosen does their best to deal with it bc Noogai isn't sure how to change it without potentially hurting them :(

Victim kind of ends up not wanting to torment him in the end because he's kind of. too pathetic?? he's sick from the shift from human to stick, he's terrified, and he doesn't know how to protect himself at all, and it's really no fun at all to scare him because he just has a panic attack. honestly Vic is kind of worried about him after a certain point because he responds so poorly to becoming a stick, both physically and mentally.

eventually the two end up in a sort of begrudging understanding, and Vic ends up (reluctantly) helping Chosen take care of him.

I'm kind of not sure where Dark shows up, but let's just say they show up here for simplicity! Noogai draws them as a friend for both him and Chosen! unfortunately Chosen's first reaction to seeing an unfamiliar stick on the PC is to punch them. after that initial road-bump though things are pretty much fine!

they eventually find their way into the outernet and end up moving there, partially because Noogai is so sick of the PC and also because it's very hard to take care of someone who's used to being a human on a computer. Noogai ofc brings the pencil and pen.

he ends up kind of having a semblance of normality after moving to the outernet, and things are pretty much fine up until the fair where Gold dies in canon!

Noogai actually ends up going in before Gold and getting caught in the crash, but Chosen saves him, leaving him with scarring and a crippling fear of minecraft, but him and Gold do end up becoming friends! They're both not exactly the most social people among most sticks, and they're both kind of nerds, so they end up getting along really well and doing a lot of stupid kid stuff together!

SC ends up being created after Noogai tries to show the pencil to Gold, for no reason other than he was dumb and the first thing he drew was....... a stick. because of course it was.

Noogai is basically the little sibling of most of the hollowheads though, and it's mostly just a silly au!! Victim does end up having a soft spot for him deep down eventually, but they'd never tell him that because he'd absolutely exploit it. and also the mortifying ordeal of being perceived. mostly the second one. they view him as their little brother though, even if they sometimes think he's a little brat :]

also i draw the noogai!sticks with faces because noogai drew faces onto them!! he thought it'd make Vic a little less scary and they were nice enough to tolerate it

anyway!! hope that helps :]

[polyamorousmood]

Hi there, I want to thank you first for running such a helpful page!

So I'm actually just starting to explore polyamory. My girlfriend has been poly since I met her over a dating site, but I'll admit when we first started dating my insecurities made me not want to hear much about her other partners.

But over time, I started realizing not only that I may want to date more people but that I was missing out on a part of my girlfriend by avoiding something that is a feature of her person. And luckily we did have a good talk about it! We are gonna have a tabletop game night soon for me to hang with some of her partners, and maybe I'll be lucky and they find something to like in me too.

But honestly, it still gives me some anxiety to see her talk about her time with other people. I hate feeling jealous like that after wanting to work on it! I just really love her and don't want my insecurities to make us break up. Do you have any good advice for how I can help reassure and center myself?

I just want this girl to be happy and I'd like to be able to continue to be someone who makes her happy

Well, then I'll start by saying you're welcome! I'm so pleased you get something nice out of this blog 🥰

I have talked several times about how to handle jealousy I was going to post links, but honestly, it'd be like 6 links at this point. Search for "#jealousy" on this blog and you can find them. Please read those, they contain good thoughts.

I am struggling to find the words to explain just how touching I find it that you're opening up to this side of your partner. Its the sweetest, most beautiful of revelations. As a poly person I feel what you said is very true, and I would be really touched you're wanting to open that up.

I would therefore also be very concerned with making sure it went well, and be willing to do a lot to help you out. So I think it'd be a good idea for you to make dedicated time to thoroughly talk over your concerns with your partner before, and talk about how you felt about everything after. I find it useful to mention anything, even if you dealt with it and it ended up okay. Its totally fair and in fact probably helpful to your partner to say "it was a little weird at first when you gave X a hug, but I realized that was stupid and I think I'm okay now."

I think for someone in your position, who is working on expanding what you're comfortable with -- and as something not mentioned in the other posts I've made -- its going to be important to find the sweet spot for growth. That is, generally exposing yourself to situations that are uncomfortable, but that you're able to accept/work through/handle. Factors for this could include (but are not limited to):

length of exposure

topics/types of discussion (sex, similarities/differences between you and other partners, attractiveness, (dis)enjoyment of activities with other partners, etc)

type of activity

what sort of affection is shared with whom

the degree of "publicness"

Think it through, and start out with some things you know you can handle. Again, if you want to make progress, you should be seeking something that is a bit uncomfortable, but not so much discomfort you can't get over it in a timely manner. (As an example, my cutoff would probably be something like "I'm still bothered by the end of the next day, and after talking to my partner about it," but its okay if yours is somewhere else.)

Also worth noting you don't have to have a "total success" to be successful here. There may be certain things you're never fully comfortable with seeing/hearing about. Since it sounds like everyone else is okay with you not being comfortable with any knowledge, I'd be surprised if it'd be a problem for you to maintain a few boundaries about it, even after you've put in a lot of work to being more open.👍

Since you mentioned already that you're uncomfortable with her sharing things she'd done with others, I'd like to offer three points to that specifically.

Congrats fr fr on that self-awareness! 🧠Legit you should be proud

You can start small here too. If you're not ready to know full details about something, but want to try something, maybe just ask her to give you a one-sentence summary when you ask how it went so you can practice!

I want to offer you a reframing here. I think you're likely feeling insecure when she mentions fun with her other partners because your thought is something sorta like "she has so much fun with them, she can't even stop thinking about it when she's with me... she must like that more..." . . . But what if... instead... you worked on replacing that thought with something like "she loves me so much, she wants to share even her special experiences from her other partners with me"? Does that feel more wholesome? and do you think that paints your partner in a kinder light, too?

I wish you the very best of luck, but quite frankly, I don't think you need it. I think you've done very well so far, and will continue to do so under your own power. And I do hope you feel powerful for tackling this.

And as always, I LIVE for updates. I'm proud of you!! 💙💖🖤🥰