#I've rambled a bit here but hopefully this makes sense

[sandcheeze13]

update 7 (1/7/25):

well, news has came out that there's a good chance that the big, beautiful bill might pass, because of the gop. while that may sound disappointing, and would make you feel hopeless, you can still call the following numbers, and still use the link in update 5. plus, even if it passes, people can still take this to court. while it may be harder now, that option's still there.

plus, while this isn't about medicaid (because as far as i know, that's still there unfortunately), the us won't ban ai laws from existing, which is good, if anybody's wondering. we won't have to worry about ai going overboard, and only making more of its issues worse. so, there's that.

here's me just rambling a bit, plus something important that i feel like i might have to share (just in case)

again, as i said in this post, after this "event" ends, i'll be going m.i.a. on this blog for the time being. i'm not sure when i'll be back, but i will do come back eventually. i just need some time to recharge after what the hell's been going on in this administration. please don't back down, because of them. they might be scary now, but do recognize that they're just some man-children who complain about a lot of things. that might be scratching the surface a bit, i'll admit, but that's the kind of people they are to me.

i know this is easier said, than done, but small victories should be just as appreciated.

until then, tumblr, let's not get all doomerist here, alright? i understand if that's how you feel currently. trust me, i would know that feeling all too well. but eventually, you'll start thinking that fighting just isn't worth it, but i promise you, we wouldn't be here today, if it weren't for so many people that still fought, despite the odds. the same can be said for the discord server that i had plugged a couple of times. (i'm referring to the stop internet censorship discord)

now, i'll just say this: i've not been the best member on there. i gave in to doomer behavior quite a lot, and that made a lot of people upset there, and rightfully so. it was against the rules, and yet, i broke it anyway. that was until recently, where i started to bit my tongue whenever moments like that arise. that certainly made it better on my end, as i'm not causing further issues, but that didn't stop the rest of the server from falling into those same traps like i did. that made a lot of people stop being positive, and leave that server for good. honestly, i don't really blame them for that.

with the way that i acted, i also don't blame anyone on there, if they didn't like me because of that. it is entirely valid that they think like that. and as a result, this made me reflect on who i am as a person: someone who's usually so cynical, and would always think that nothing is enough, or that it doesn't matter. which makes no sense, as i also have some sort of hope that things will get better. tell me how that makes any sense, cuz at the moment, i don't seem to have an answer.

since i'm able to think clearly, and without any sort of negative thought currently plaguing me, i can confidently say that going into the political space has fucked me up more than i realized. as a result, i've became a lot more anxious, and scared of the world. i had stopped eating, and i'm currently getting more thin by the day. my depression, and suicidal thoughts have only gotten worse. and i need to thank those in that server who had to slap some sense into me, because at some point, i have to realize the kind of shitty person i was.

i would also like to apologize for making quite a lot of mistakes during this time as well. none of them were intentional, but i just felt the need to make that statement, just in case.

so hopefully, i have said everything i needed to say. and with that, hopefully you'll understand why this blog will be m.i.a. for a while. however, i know that i'll be back here soon. and also, i will keep my promise that it'll happen.

for any palestinian who's been sending me messages about your campaigns, don't worry, i can still see them, and i'll try my best to support you however i can. it's unfortunate that i might not be able to financially support you during this time. again, i do heavily apologize for that, and i hope that you all can forgive me.

i would like for this break to hopefully last maybe 2-3 months, but only time will tell. the next update will be reblogging update 6, as i don't want to clog up this reply chain.

update (29/6/25)

sorry for being all quiet about bbb (big "beautiful" bill)

so, for updates:

it did pass the first vote in senate (51 yeas-49 nays). however, the bill is currently being read all the way through, as requested.

as of writing this, they're still reading through all 900+ pages, which surprised me, cuz i could've sworn that it was like 1100+ pages. idk, but still, they're reading it all the way through, and they'll start talking about it for like maybe another day, or so.

also yes, i did stay up all night just to tune in. it's boring, but yeah.

for now, do not panic. if anything, this should buy you all time. so, if you can, please call your senators.

more updates will come whenever more info arrives.

[ruelin024]

I wanna have opinions so uh, what do you think of my SacredFell AU? (So far anyway haha)

Hello, my mutual compadre, @littleyukki5033 , I have traveled down to the depths of your blog and will now commence judgment.

Kehehehe. ψ(｀∇´)ψ

[Gonna be long, I like/wanted to try making my responses worthwhile and attentive, to show you I went in on your AU and posts.]

(And you can laugh at me or with me on this, but I may not be the best at giving opinions, 😖 I think. Just know I'm typing this with my miniscule overthinkin’ brain and hurt wrist.)

START!

Feb 4: Don’t be afraid to post your AU and talk about it, beautiful or not, unique or not, complicated or not, similar or not, cringe or not, demented or not, eh or not. 

Share your mind, you’ll find people who share it with you. And if you get hate, show them San’s ass or something. It tells others how nonexistent they are to you. (though I’ve seen someone draw Sans very beautifully thicc, we will keep in mind he is bones, which we indeed simp for). 

Observe Exhibit A:

(I found this silly image saved on my desktop, so I thought it'd be cool to share it with you.)

So never let a negative comment change your love and view of your au and undertale. 

Undertale is amazing, it’s good to ramble, even if others don’t talk about it, even if you’ll never get reciprocated. There’s other people there reading it, like me sometimes I read and forget to heart, or I don’t heart a post because I don’t wanna bombard their notifications and all that. 

Yes, post your art, even if you’ve got no idea what to post, doodle, ask for ideas, or even take a break. I think it’s beautiful to share your mind’s eye. Show no fear, you’ve got this!

Everyone starts where you were once. 

Feb 12: Your Introduction of your own Underfell AU called SacredFell

I am interested. I am in fact one of many who are and will be interested for days to come, for as long as you build and love your AU, as it becomes whatever completion you dreamt of it to be, so on and so forth, even if one day you stop.

I’m finna be there bruh, late or on time.  

And imma let you know that right now as you reading this. You actually asked me first about your AU and lemme tell you, you beat me to it. I actually have fanart for you. AND was gonna find a time to ask you first.

(~(>_<。)＼ Usually I'm ready to send art cause I plan before hand, but someone used a wrist twist move on me for fun recently. ಥ_ಥ)

Anyway, moving forward.

Frisk and Chara of SacredFell: I enjoy teh designs. And me personally, I like Frisks design, the fact Frisk went through multiple design phases is nice to know. Would you ever show Frisk's previous designs?

Oof, you changed SacredFell Sans height from 5’2 to 6ft, damn what a stretch. And he part of the Royal Guard, whoa! 😆hotsome big skeleman.

Also, I love the art style of @/melikitinas, too. 💖

Feb 14: … ScaredFell Papyrus…. I-... 11ft height, yeah, we gonna need a height chart. I short, so they a fucking tree at this point, imagine Paps just bending at the waist towards a shorty like me, he’s gotta be prone on the ground or something. AND his fine ass a 2nd in Command Royal Guard, too. ○( ＾皿＾)っ AWWHEHESJDHWU ✨

Feb 21: LORE Ah, so the beginning is different, interesting. *reads through it with glasses* (I was recently working on my other OCs at the time as well :D.) 

Yukki sounds like a good character! And portaled? Oooooh, portaled, I wanna know backstory! 

Did Yukki not go through the ruins? She just collapsed in Snowdin? Was she unconscious the entire time she was taken to Asgore, up until Toriel saved her?

And usually humans, are strong, is Yukki weak due to something? (you don’t have to reveal too much lore unless you wanna) How much power does Yukki have? Why does it drain so quickly? 

Also, love Toriel, to save one instead of all, what a mother. Even if Yukki wasn’t her own, that was such a big sacrifice for the price of saving one child over freedom. I would love to see how you draw that part out.

And Toriel left Yukki behind the waterfalls, why not take Yukki with her? 

Why out of all the souls, Kindness was taken, would this serve as a significant plot point in the AU?

Would Yukki grow to harbor bad intent or negative emotions towards the monster or would she end up sacrificing herself after understanding the monster’s want for freedom, would she find another way, would she resort to genocide at some point(despite her being weak)? 

Would Toriel come in clutch next time Yukki is in grave danger? 

And what plans would Asgore have after he gets Toriel, I would’ve expected that he wanted Toriel dead, not with a bounty on her head to be returned ALIVE to his home. I'm probably just thinking to the extremes. 😂

I like this plot. I’d love to know how Frisk and Yukki will come together. And if within the one or two years, Yukki stayed with Sans and Papyrus, would the brothers falter when they need to get their jobs done for Asgore when the time comes? Would Sans and Papyrus eventually come to value Yukki as their own friend? Does Yukki know Sans and Papyrus are working to gain her trust to betray her in the end? 

Also is Toriel and Sans doing the knock knock joke through the gate in this AU too? What’s Toriel’s relationship with the characters so far? Within the time Yukki was living in the Underground, does she come to meet Toriel again?

Feb 23: YUKKI I agree Yukki is a main focal point in the beginning of this AU, I really like this. I can’t wait to see how you build this lore up. Would Toriel act again when Frisk comes? Would Toriel talk to Frisk about Yukki? How old is Yukki again? To me, Yukki looks like she has a strong presence, tongue sticking out, seems playful. ✨

Feb 27: Comic Heh. Middle school art is always nostalgic to look back on. I wish I still had some of mine. I threw most out due to the fact, I didn’t want physical evidence of my cringe art tying back to me, but looking back on it now. I was stupid and paranoid. 

Now cringe art is one of my favorite art pieces to discover, it brings a certain emotion outta you, am I right? Yeaahh.  

Anyway, I admire you for sharing your old art and comic. 

An AU, especially when a creator is lovingly dedicated to it, can become hectic and mentally crowded and out of order, or as you say “all over the place.” Good luck on that journey, creating comlex stories is hard! I was overwhelmed by my own ideas and burned out at some point and stopped entirely. You make me wanna go back to my little world.

And Yukki and SacredFell Sans look like they get along noicely. yukki hand on her hip, confidence and power ✨👌 makin' Sansy sweat.

Mar 7: Yay Toriel Character Sheet Me like tall woman. She taller than Sans, haha. I gotta learn how to draw a goat at some point. And she looks good in my opinion. Do SOUL Protectors gain power from the souls? Wouldn't they accidentally at some point absorb the soul? Has any of the protectors even thought of doing that? Doesn't the barrier need one monster soul and one human soul to break the barrier, or is that different in this AU?

Mar 11: Another comic redraw, SacredFell Asgore WIP

Aw SacredFell Sans and Yukki smiling together, your old drawing of them is cute. ANd that’s a jump, good to know they're out of the underground. Hope you eventually find the right design for Yukki, that you’re gonna be satisfied with. I’m excited to find out how they got out of the underground, too.

What's the key on Sans? And the heart necklace on Yukki?

And yes, I think Tumblr does something with the quality of an image when posted, because compared to my computer view, my phone view of some posts are different a bit.

Yass, show off the Goat man. 

ANd I also saw your Avatar DTIYS, looks awesome! I love the coloring, shading, and perspective! 

Mar 15: Update Eh, it didn’t take a while for me to gather info on your AU, it was spread out a little yes, but not so much, for me the pacing was alright. 

Ah and the ask blogs, yeah I dunno how I’m doing this tbh. 

And a webtoon would be great! But I hear it’s a lot of work to put into it, take small steps, so you won’t stress or burn yourself out. But I would definitely read teh webtoon if you were to make one. 

Mar 16: SacredFell Undyne WIP I love Undyne, I just dunno how to draw her yet. Love the art! She pretty. 

Mar 16: SacredFell Flowey Flowey in a bag, hahahahaha. I like how annoyed he looks in the drawing.  

Mar 17: SacredFell Monster Kid Another main character, you developing a lot of lore right now I bet. I wonder how MK will play out in your AU. 

Mar 18,22 : It’s UNDYNE >.< Fangirling. Another Tall strong woman. And missing parents during gaster’s disappearance, is this what I think it is, a lore hint?!?!   

Mar 23: Alphys Alphys is gonna be somewhat of a sly character in the plot huh, wow! And she fights, you gotta make art of that at some point! Alphys having bravery is interesting! 

Pfft, you spelled “Bavery” I didn’t even notice until you mentioned it. 

Mar 23: Gaster I love how you drew Sans and Papyrus in at Gaster’s “You’re in Trouble” expression.

And me like the tinted glasses as well.

Mar 24: Mettaton! He a Bravery SOUL Decoy! Was that Alphy’s idea to make him like that? Is he famous in the underground as well? He’s a looker. And he got four arms! Yuuusss! 

Mar 26?: Muffet Indeed a 5’7 lady spider is a cutie patootie, the arms are good, multiple is betta. Good design!  And she is also part of the Royal Guard, what will the fight be like? I’m curious! 

Mar 26?: That Sacredfell Mini Comic/Story was nicely put together! The end where SacredFell Sans responds with, “I don’t know.” I enjoyed reading this conversation! And Undyne in her royal armor MWUAH!  

So from all this, hopefully I did something good for you, most are just questions and comments, but I hope it served as an answer. *ahem*

A new character was added. [Yukki] = Will lead to more plot. *Check*

There’s a different backstory before the arrival of Frisk. *Check*

Toriel makes an act against Asgore before leaving, Asgore ordering Sans and papyrus to gain Yukki’s trust until the “time” comes = Complicated relationships *Check* 

I can fangirl, which means I can simp, which means, I’m invested. ✨ *CHECK CHECK CHECK*

The concept is really good! (The fact Asgore would entrust the souls to another and make them SOUL Protectors, and you still fight Alphys even in the pacifist route, and I sense "things" though not sure what, but it makes me look forward to your lore.) *ChecK* 

It’s a Fell type Universe. (I love Underfell) *CHECK* 

The art is noice!!!! *CHecK* 

I find interest in how characters will interact or encounter each other. *Check* 

I can see the work put into this AU! I see their dedication based from the dates you posted things about your AU. I really look forward to seeing how you continue to develop and make art for your SacredFell AU! With what you’ve shown at this time, I can happily tell you, for me this AU is interesting, there’s potential in many areas, character development, choice of dialogue, different relationship dynamics, personality, world building, plot changes, etc.

I wish I had more to say, I think most of my response here sounded... I think repetitive, maybe some questions were even answered already and I didn't catch it? Though hopefully I conveyed to you that I think you're doing well for what've you've shown thus far!

That's my grand opinion. 😁✨

Also, I found you through graphictale au. 💕💖👌✨

😙 Both ya'll wonderful.

[olliemnjones]

Hey there! Your actually one of my inspiration for art! I really like how realistically shaded the backgrounds are and everything! Do you have any tips for shading in digital art?

Hey, I appreciate it, thank you! There are lots of things that go in to making a good background but this is the main idea that made backgrounds click for me:

Hopefully you'll agree that of these two shapes, the one on the right feels more 'real', despite the fact neither of these shapes are meant to represent anything. The shape on the right just has a noise filter and a faint light-to-dark gradient from top to bottom. Those two things create movement on a small scale (the noise) and on a large scale (the gradient). The presence of that sort of movement is what gets your brain to register something as real.

Here I've taken the shape and given it a new environment, a colour and then a gradient. The shape with the movement feels a little more natural in its environment, I think.

Then directly on top of that, I can start creating small scale movement, like the noise, through brush strokes. At first (on the left) the brushstrokes look quite out of place and unnatural. But as you work in to the surface more, creating more and more overlapping brushstrokes of various sizes and directions - all while trying to maintain the sense of that gradient - the strokes will start to more naturally integrate in to each other, creating a bed on to which other elements will lay naturally.

Here I give this abstract shape some context by painting some cracks and decay on it. These new elements create movement by giving our eyes more shapes to latch on to and jump between. I then added a pattern to it. This pattern adds more movement and reinforces the light effect by adhering to the gradient (getting darker at the same rate the wall does).

You can see I use this idea all through this picture. I make sure in any section there is always some kind of movement of light, whether its left-to-right, or top-to-bottom, corner-to-corner etc. Patterns like the woodgrain on the drawer or the textile of the curtain create additional movement and reinforce the dimensions of their respective forms by adhering to them. Bit rambly but I hope there's something useful in there!

[w2soneshots]

Chris is on Raya, so maybe could you do a fic where he meets an actress and he tells his friends about it and it's kinda unbelievable, cause she is been in Marvel films or a really famous film

And maybe they breakup and everyone's like "Boy, you fumbled"

Almost fumbled -ChrisMD

words: 1.7k+

warnings: angst with a happy ending, intrusive paparazzi (when isn’t it), mentions of a break up, slightly suggestive, George is a great friend.

summary: after you and Chris match on Raya you go on a date, though the both of you have the pressure of your friends and the paparazzi so your relationship proves to be more difficult than you’d have thought.

notes: hello angel, thank you for your request, I’m obsessed with this idea!!🤭 I also love love love marvel so it was fun to incorporate a little bit of it into this. I hope you enjoy this extra long one!💝👏🏼

Liked by y/username, arthurtv and others

chrismd10: Some Machu Picchures

-comments-

georgeclarkeey: fun fun fun

youtube: swapping the pitch for peaks🫡

user: wait, why is nobody talking about the fact THE y/n y/l/n has liked this👀

-> user: omfg and she lives in London... I ship them tbh🤭💞

"Chris?!" George skirted into Chris' room. He turned to him from his desk. "Yeah?" He asked, slightly confused as George looked baffled. "y/n, from the marvel films, like your fucking instagram post!" He alerted his best mate.

Chris signed I relief, it wasn't something serious. "I know, I matched with her on Raya," he replied calmly. George's mouth dropped open. "You're kidding my ass. You matched with her?" Chris breathed out a laugh. "I was just as shocked to be honest, she lives here though."

"Please can I see her profile," George begged as he sat on Chris' bed with a thump. "I don't know-" "please..." he cut him off. "Alright."

George stared at Chris' phone. "This is insane. Don't fumble this." "I'm gonna try not to, she seems cool. Also... I'm going to dinner with her on Saturday." George almost combusted right then and there, falling back onto Chris' bed.

"Imagine you get with her and she comes round to the flat. What am I gonna say? Act like I've not watch half of her films?" George rambled. "You probably aren't going to have to think that far ahead mate, I'm guessing she'll take one look at me and run for the hills." "Don't be silly, you're a good bloke. She'll like you."

"I have absolutely no fucking clue what to wear!" You shoved another piece of clothing from your wardrobe onto your bed with a huff. "How casual is the dinner?" Your best friend, whom you live with, asked as she sat comfortably on your bed.

"I don't know- like not crazy fancy but kinda fancy... ugh, that makes no sense." "Leather, faux obviously but you know, that's a mix between the two?" She suggested. "Okay, yeah good idea."

You finally found a good outfit and you turned to your friend once you were finished. "Good?" You asked hopefully, since you definitely didn't want to try anything else on. "Absolutely drop dead gorgeous babes."

"So who is this guy anyway?" She asked as you popped all of the necessities into your little bag. You pulled your phone out and clicked on his profile. "Chris."

Her eyes widened after a moment. "Oh my gosh, that's ChrisMD!" "Huh?" "He's a youtuber! My brother used to watch his videos. He did football challenges and they were pretty fun to watch actually." She explained excitedly. "Oh right, cool. I had a quick glance at his insta but I didn't really look much into it, he did have a big following though."

"I wonder if he still does them? I'm checking." She scrolled around on her phone for a second before a video began playing. "Today we're in Munich where we will consume a beverage at each of nine pubs. Welcome back to football pub golf everyone!" The screen played as the both of you watched intensely.

"Jesus he's gotten fitter over the years," your bestie breathed out quietly. You chuckled in response as a slow motion video compilation played of the group posing. "Do you reckon any of his friends are single?" She asked with a smirk, causing you to playfully push her shoulder with yours, to which she just giggled. Though she was being completely serious, they were a group of hot dudes.

y/username posted a new story!

"God... she's beautiful," Chris thought as you followed the waiter through the restaurant and towards the table he'd booked and was already sat at.

"Hi," you smiled warmly when you reached him. He quickly stood from his chair to greet you with a side hug. "You look amazing," he complemented, you could tell he was a little nervous by the awkward way in which he said it but you thought it was cute.

The small talk commenced once you'd sat down. You spoke about where you grew up, how long you'd been in London and then the topic of your jobs came up.

"I already know what you do," you confessed with a cheeky smile. "Oh, you do?" Chris was shocked. "Mhm, my best friends brother used to watch you, you make youtube videos right?" "That's right, yeah. Please don't tell me you've seen any of them," he grimaced.

"Uhm..." "oh god." You chuckled at his embarrassment. "No it's cool. They actually seem quite entertaining and I'm pretty sure my friend has a crush on half of your friends," you said lightheartedly. Chris' demeanour changed and he loosened up a little after your reassurance.

"I know what you do too, but that's probably a given," Chris began, he knew George would be on the edge of his seat if he was listening to this conversation. "Right, brilliant," you replied sarcastically with a chuckle, you didn't mind talking about your work though sometimes it can turn into a conversation all about your costars.

Chris was really chill about the whole thing. He didn't pry or ask anything weird, he actually was more interested in how you got into the industry and the beginning of your career, which was a breath of fresh air.

Dinner seemed to fly by and without even realising it you'd been sat there eating and chatting for four hours. Eventually it was time to say your goodbyes and you were silently hoping that he'd had as good of a time as you since you didn't want this to be the extent of your relationship.

"So... you free anytime next week?" He eventually asked as you stood outside, about to part ways. You smiled happily and then the both of you organised a day.

The next day you woke up to see multiple pictures of you and Chris sat at your table in the restaurant. You signed deeply and then called your manager.

After having the situation minimised, you messaged Chris, "hey, I'm not sure if you've seen but some paparazzi took photos of us in the restaurant yesterday. My manager has had them taken down from the original website but as you can imagine people have screenshotted it. I'm sorry, I probably should've pre-warned you xx"

He replied pretty quickly, "I saw. Don't worry about it, it's not a problem. How are you? x" He didn't seem to be too bothered which really reassured you since you thought you'd finally found a good guy in a sea of dickheads.

You and Chris went on multiple dates, had been to each other's places, had sex an abundance of times and were constantly texting before he eventually asked you if you'd be his girlfriend. Obviously you said you would since you had undeniable chemistry and he'd been all green flags up until that point.

"Hello love," Chris greeted you at his apartments front door, seeming a little... distant. You shared a quick hug before you stepped through the threshold. "Hi y/n!" George, Chris' friend and roommate whom you've become familiar with, enthusiastically waved to you as he walked through the hallway. You waved back with a smile.

Everything was going great, you liked his friends and he liked yours, it was like you were in your own little bubble... then the bubble popped.

You sat on his bed and he sat at his desk, the chair facing towards you. "I feel like I'm constantly being watched," Chris said, completely out of the blue. "What?" "The fucking paparazzi, it's ridiculous. Every time we go anywhere we're in the press the next day. I understand it's because you're famous and all but-" he stopped himself.

He couldn't make eye contact with you properly. Your heart was slowly breaking as you listened to him. This had happened before in a previous relationship and that was the reason it ended, though you thought since Chris was already used to being in the public eye, he would understand.

"What're you saying?" "I don't know if I can do this. I like you, a lot, but the whole being followed thing... I've never experienced that before and I don't think I can hack it."

You were gone within twenty minutes. Tears in your eyes as you let yourself out. "Are you alright?" George's voice asked from behind you. You didn't -couldn't- turn around. "Mhm," you managed, though your voice cracked before you swiftly opened the door and left.

George, now confused and concerned, walked to Chris' room and knocked on the door. "Mate?" Chris didn't respond, he just opened the door.

Chris sighed. "I broke up with her," he muttered. "You- what- why the fuck did you do that?" It took him a minute to reply, "the paparazzi... it's just not for me George."

"You love her don't you?" Chris hesitated then nodded. "So, don't throw all that away over some stupid dicks taking photos. You're perfect for each other, plus you can't fumble a funny, kind, -don't punch me- gorgeous actor," George told his friend. "I'll think on it." "Okay, just- consider how she feels...?"

Within a week Chris had messaged you to ask how you were doing. It was a stupid question really, you were so upset and hadn't really left your apartment since the breakup. You didn't reply to him.

Then he turned up on your doorstep, at ten o'clock at night. You answered the door in your pyjamas, you were just about to get into bed. Your face dropped when you saw him stood there.

"I love you," was all he said, hope in his eyes. You bit the inside of your lip. "But you said-" "I don't care what I said. It doesn't matter because I love you and I was an idiot to ever have let anyone get between that y/n."

That night ended with the both of you -naked- cuddled up in your bed. After that Chris never complained about the paparazzi again because if he was with you nothing else mattered.

[babacontainsmultitudes]

🤔 Admittedly I was a little disappointed by the reveal (but certainly not surprised the foreshadowing was heavy in this episode lol), but not actually against how Beth (and Will) seem to be playing with it thus far- which is to say that I do think it has a lot of potential, and I suspect there's more to what we're seeing).

;) Big ol' ramble below

Mostly the theory has turned me off until now (at least insofar as I've witnessed it transpire in the fandom at large) because it struck me as so painfully ironic to see Trudy, a 1950s housewife, struggle to exist under the system that she's in, fail to fit the mold assigned to her, and be denied her personhood very literally for it (this being ironic insofar as how it mimics how she would have been treated back then). This and because frankly I just think she's a lot less interesting if she's fully a robot LOL, but I'll hopefully get to that in a bit.

Not that the hints at her mechanical nature and the relevance of Tucker's background were lost on me; I can appreciate why those would contribute to a plausible, fun and I think still mostly harmless theory (now fact). However, minus one or two specific posts I've seen on the matter (namely a recent one suggesting that if Trudy is a robot Beth is probably taking inspiration from The Stepford Wives, :( sorry person who made that post I couldn't find it I wanted to credit yoouuu), I've seen the theory just about exclusively presented in a manner that, rather than explore the metaphorical and political significance of Trudy being partially or fully mechanical, at best disregards the parts of her narrative that are at their core about sexism (among other related things), and at worst negates them entirely (i.e. Trudy only thinking and acting how she does because she's a robot malfunctioning and not because the world itself is causing harm and she rightfully wants something more than the role she was forced into, Trudy not even having any real thoughts and feelings of her own, etc.). I just think it kind of sucks to shove all those important things about her aside and say "actually, there's no person suffering here, she's just a robot" and perhaps worse yet to imply that she does have thoughts and feelings but because they result in Weird™ behavior it must be a problem with her code and not at all relate to what women were subjugated to during this point in American history.

CONVERSELY I don't think Trudy being a robot (or at least partially one) at least from what Beth and Will have presented us thus far, inherently suffers from any of these issues? First and foremost because Trudy definitely appears to possess sentience, thoughts, and emotions of her own, matters which immediately complicate her degree of personhood and don't inherently box her behavior in as a bug in her programming rather than an issue with the world she's been put in, quite the opposite in fact! I think they have a very solid groundwork laid out here to make a strong statement with Trudy's narrative (and perhaps ask the question of what is really malfunctioning here), all the more so since [I pull out a Rebecca Swallows-style conspiracy board] I don't think she's entirely robotic in nature? Actually you should just read Mack's tags in this post cause he has great thoughts on the matter (of which those are just some of them), but if I can direct your attention to one thing in particular, it would be Beth's fact (I *believe* from episode 2) about Trudy never graduating high school because of her essay where she suggested that "perhaps women could one day domesticate themselves", a statement that could of course be interpreted a number of ways but ultimately threatened the patriarchal status quo enough (in suggesting women's independence) to cost Trudy her diploma. Taken on its own this fact appears to contradict the theory that Trudy has always been robotic in nature, because it doesn't really make sense that Trudy would have been set up to go through high school (or school at all really) when Tucker's intention was/is for her to be the perfect housewife. You may then suggest that Trudy's memories of this are fabricated and not actually her lived experiences, in which case firstly perhaps you should reread my earlier point on the robot theory being used to actively negate and otherwise disregard the portions of Trudy's narrative that pertain to sexism and feminism, and secondly it really doesn't make any sense to me that Tucker would implant those kind of memories into Trudy's brain? To be completely honest if she's been a robot from the very beginning (rather than someone who became a cyborg, which is what I'm trying to suggest here), then I don't see why Tucker would program her with actual sentience in the first place (suspending my disbelief here with regards to the possibility of programming sentience to begin with). It seems much more likely to me then that Trudy was not always a robot, and instead altered by Tucker to force her into a role of subordination and remedy her """imperfections""". This option is significantly more interesting to me one, because it implies that Trudy has actually lived a life up until the present, full of its own complexities and strife (and dreams, and real actual memories worth exploring, etc.), and hence is not by any means "just a robot", and second because it amplifies the hypothetical statement being made on the lives of the real living women of the era and how they were treated and seen as being "in need of fixing" for not conforming to gender roles or otherwise acting "out of line" with what was expected of them.

OKAY THIS GOT OUT OF HAND SO I'M CUTTING MYSELF OFF HERE but I wanted to my share my current thoughts what with this ending and where I'm at so hopefully that was at least interesting to whoever has chosen to read through this one okay thank you byyyyyyyyye~

[oli-ribbun-ver]

EP 4 RAMBLE PART 2!!

(plus some theories of mine ft other episodes)

YAY COLOR!!! ooh i should add color to the text in part 1 too... itll look more fun that way! ANYWAY SORYR

I've already talked about Jax vs Ragatha when they commented on Gangle being happy, but just a quick recap in case yall didnt see part 1!

Jax says "I like you better when you're sad," whereas Ragatha says "You're kind of annoying when you have your happy mask."

IMO, it's a HUGE difference. I mention in part 1 why I think Jax is implying he doesn't necessarily dislike when she's happy! I'll be continuing my talk in Ragatha here, although I recommend checking out part 1 before this, so it starts to make more sense!

ALRIGHT! HERE WE GO!

Like I said in part 1, almost everyone knows that Ragatha is a people pleaser. Gangle especially knows this.

You can tell Gangle's already had these thoughts for a while. It's easier to tell if you hear it from the episode because of the tone, but you get the picture, hopefully!

I'd like to note, Gangle says "After a while," which also helps imply she's had these ideas for a while.

I see a lot of people hear this bit and wonder what Gangle's talking about when she says this line, or just breeze right over it which kind of bothers me, considering Ragatha literally JUST said she finds Gangle annoying when she's happy, but that's besides the point, just something I find odd.

I have a lot of feelings about the Jax vs Ragatha wording, but I guess part 1 and this part is all I can really say without getting TOO emotional over it, so I'd like to move onto my next thing!

Gangle Is ALSO A People-Pleaser.

(probably moreso than Ragatha)

Let's begin with the obvious. A people-pleaser is someone who only wants to please others, regardless of what they feel. At least, that's the basics. There are different levels/layers of people pleasers, and I believe Gangle may be on a higher level then Ragatha when it comes to that.

Gangle is... unhealthy, insecure, wants to disappear, and both mentally and physically fragile.

But anyway, Ganglwait what where did my paragraph go... okay i lost it somehow UM ANYWAY

I will be honest, I have a LOT to say about Gangle's fragility, but that would include straying from the mainly-ep-4 focus post. If yall ever want me to go full-blown Gangle Ramble and include every episode, then I'm more than happy to do that! But as it stands right now, here's just a few mentions!

It's easy to see more of Gangle's people-pleasing tendencies, and exactly how mentally screwed up she is through other episodes and even her character introductions, which I'd LOVE to get into, BUT NOT NOW!!!

She doesn't want to cause problems. Honestly, nobody does, but Gangle especially. This episode, you can tell she thinks she's holding everyone back. When she finally gets to be confident and in charge, she's told she's annoying. She 'causes a problem'. That's not what she wants to do.

When Pomni says "We're doing another one of these," Gangle changes.

She was willing to talk at first, although hesitant.

Her reaction is NOT Pomni's fault by the way, I wanna say that right now before someone says anything.

Gangle was willing to talk, until Pomni said "We're doing another one of these..." where Gangle then fully looks away and stops talking.

She doesn't want to cause a problem. She really, really doesn't. She has a tendency to let things happen to her and not say anything about it. I don't mean to keep up the comparison of Ragatha vs Gangle's people-pleaser scale, but I did name the title of this section that so...

When things happen to Ragatha or others, she says something about it. Especially if it's Jax that caused it. But Gangle? She never says anything.

That 'training' was the only thing similar to speaking out that she's ever done. And just minutes after, she got put down.

She did not say a thing after. Nothing about her being sad, being hurt by Ragatha's comment. Just "I'm going to go over here now," walking into a corner, and standing there.

(side note: Something I find funny is when she's rambling about herself going absolutely insane and Jax says "oh great. 😒" and just listens to her 😭 he doesnt say anything else just listens.

i say listens but that man is NOT❌️❌️ listening)

OH WAIT speaking of that rambling, it has just now occurred to me!

It's uh... pretty obvious she's losing it.

I'm sure everyone and their grandmother caught this, but I thought it's neat how she was very clearly talking to herself when she said "And you need to stop trying!", and in her mini-breakdown said "Will we ever achieve our dreams?!"

I don't think that really ties into the people-pleaser thing, just something i thought of!

Although MAYBE it can tie into that if we went the "she's telling herself to stop trying to reach her dreams, but wants everyone else to be happy!" but I think that's either too big a stretch or way too obvious. Probably both.

HWAA ANOTHER PART??!? okay maybe ill just include the other episodes for this people pleaser bit too!

[innxrvision]

So long - pt. 2 𒂭

part 2 of 3 ------------ 𖦹 tags: james hetfield x reader, fluff, smut, best friends to lovers, bet, 80s james, a little angst if you squint ♱ a/n: here's part 2 just like i promised! Also... this got too long again and I had to split once more, I'm sorry. Next part will be the last hopefully! I'll probably only be able to post it on wednesday or thursday tho, but we'll see how things go! Thanks to everyone that has been reading and liking my story, it truly made me happy!

𖦹 part 1 𖦹 part 2 𖦹 part 3

Both of you entered the bar already chatting excitedly, just as you imagined, whatever disagreement that came between you two couldn't last long. You and James' friendship went way back.

"Let's get you a drink." James' playful smile made you smile involuntarily back.

He ordered two beers and raised his glass after you two settled down on a table near the wall, on a spot where the soft yellow light shined right on James' blonde locks.

"To making up!" He said, the smile never leaving his lips.

"If you say so." You shrugged, raising your glass too, but there wasn't any hint of resentment in your voice.

"I really am sorry about what I've said to you earlier. I never wanted to hurt you." He repeated his apology sincerely.

You shrugged again in response, not wanting to make a big deal out of it again.

"What has gotten into you anyway?" You asked genuinely curious before taking a sip.

"I don't really know." He admitted and you could sense some embarrassment coming from him. "I guess my emotions were all over the place and I took all on you. I truly hope you can forgive me."

You just nodded in response, you could easily understand his side.

Soon one beer became two, then three… and before you could realize it, both were a bit too drunk, laughing obnoxiously loud at each other's stupid jokes.

At a certain moment, while James were rambling about his new guitar, your mind wandered as you studied his features under the soft light. The unruly blond hair now gained a different shine, the blue eyes seemed more vivid, and the skin covered by acne suddenly got a different charm to it.

You've known him for years, but, for some reason, the realization that he had grown into a man only hit you now. It's not like you haven't noticed his changes at all, you could admit the boy you knew had gained the charms of a man a long time ago, however, something at that bar made it all become more evident. Maybe it was the alcohol speaking. Regardless, you just stayed silent, lost in your thoughts.

"What are you thinking about?" James' voice cut through your mind, his eyebrow quirked in confusion. "You're looking at me like I have two heads or something." He added, a chuckle coming out of his lips.

You snapped out of it as soon as you heard him, your cheeks heating up in response to his question.

"What?" You laughed nervously "Sorry, just got lost in my thoughts for a moment, go on."

James grinned, finding your flustered expression too amusing to let it go.

"I must really put you in a state to make you blush like that." He took another sip of his beer and kept grinning at you. "What were you thinking about before? I'm curious now."

You tried your best to appear bored and rested your elbow on the table, putting your chin on top of your hand.

"Nothing. Just… Work."

He studied your face and the playful expression he had before turned into a smirk.

"You're hiding something." He teased. "You're a terrible liar."

You rolled your eyes, pretending to be offended by his observation.

"I'm not!" You shot back. "I said it's nothing. You're too curious for your own good."

"Come on, tell me." He nudged your shoulder. "It's not fair if you keep it a secret."

"Not fair? What? Don't you have any secrets?" You scoffed.

"Of course I do. But your secrets are much more interesting to me right now than my own." He leaned closer and raised an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "So spill it. What were you really thinking about? Was it a boy?"

You looked at him incredulous, just wishing he would drop the subject.

"You can't be serious." You looked with concern in your expression at him and he laughed in response.

"Oh, I'm being serious. You were blushing so hard, so it must be a boy." He grinned, crossing his arms. It was clear that he was enjoying messing up with you. "So come on, spill it. Is it someone I know? Do you want me to hook you up?"

"No! What? You're crazy." You couldn't believe he thought you wanted him to hook you up with somebody.

"I know you're thinking about someone, just tell me already. Who's the lucky guy?" He pressed again.

"There's... No one!" You were starting to get frustrated.

"Oh, please. You can't fool me, I know you. You were obviously daydreaming about someone." He raised an eyebrow again and you had to take a deep breath in order to control yourself. "Is it one of the guys? Lars maybe? Or... Is it Kirk? I know you two are very close. You got a thing for him?" His voice dripped with amusement, it was clear he was enjoying teasing you.

"What?!" You opened your mouth in shock as he started pointing names. "I've never...! I never liked Kirk! Where did this come from?!"

"I can see the way you look at him sometimes." He chuckled, it seemed like he was testing you. "If it's not him, then who is it? I won't leave you alone until you tell me."

"Kirk is like a brother to me!" You said offended, your cheeks getting hot once again.

"You're protesting a little too much. I know you're hiding something from me." He studied your blushed face in silence for a second "Well, whoever he is, we can play matchmaker and set you up on a date." He batted his eyelashes dramatically at you and laughed.

"Why are you so invested in being my wingman? Who says I need one?"

You were getting tired of this talk. One second of distraction staring too much at him and now you had to deal with James playing guess by himself. He already loved getting on your nerves, but whenever he got drunk that would get worse.

"You've been single for almost a year now." He grinned. "I just want to help you find someone to share your life with."

You couldn't believe he decided to throw that on your face. Ouch. You sighed and looked around the bar for a second, trying to find a good response.

"Why don't you worry about your own love life?"

He chuckled again, shrugging off your comment.

"You know I don't do long-term relationships." He said casually. "I'm more of a one-night-stand kind of guy." He winked and that irritated you.

You looked down at your hands, trying to navigate your feelings. For some reason, hearing that he had been sleeping with other girls made you feel jealous. You tried your best to not seem affected, but James noticed the shift in your reaction.

"What's wrong with one-night stands?" He asked, his tone playful.

"I just think it's gross." You cursed yourself mentally for your childish response.

"C'mon... You're such a prude." He rolled his eyes and teased you, nudging at your arm. "One-night stands aren't gross, they're just casual fun. You should try it sometime, it might loosen you up a bit." There was that smug grin again that made you heated.

"I don't need to loosen up, I'm fine the way I am." You tried defending yourself. "And also, I'm not a prude."

"Sure, keep telling yourself this." He shrugged, that grin only growing wider at your frustration. "But deep down, you're just a boring goody-two-shoes who wouldn't know how to have a good time if your life depended on it." He continued. "Bet you've never even been on a proper date before."

You scoffed. Yeah, he made a habit of teasing you and yes, that would worsen whenever he drunk, but tonight he seemed even more invested in driving you nuts. "Is it just the alcohol?" You asked yourself.

"Of course I have!" You crossed your arms. "I can have fun just fine. I just think the girls you hook up with are gross."

You tried attacking him, but it was clear that your response only amused him even more.

"Gross, huh? Interesting choice of words." He leaned closer once again. "Does that mean you think I'm gross too? For hooking up with random girls?" He waited for your response, staring at you.

"I've never said that." You regretted mentioning his hookups and sighed.

"I know you're judgmental of my dating life." He leaned back and shrugged. "You're probably just jealous that I'm getting some action and you're not." He smiled triumphantly.

"Who says I'm not getting some action?" You tried your best to sound convincing but your attempt only made him laugh.

"Oh, really? With whom exactly? A pillow? A stuffed animal?" You blushed and he caught your reaction. "I knew it. You don't have anyone. Which is why you're so sour and uptight because you're not getting laid." He taunted.

"You're such an ass." You looked away and rolled your eyes. "It's none of your business, maybe? Just leave my love life alone, please." At this point, you had given up winning this conversation.

"Alright, alright. I'll leave your non-existent love life alone." He raised both of his hands in surrender. "But if you need some advice on how to get laid, come to me. I'm something of an expert, y'know?" He winked playfully.

"Like I would take your advice." You laughed sarcastically, seeing the perfect chance to annoy him back. "Bet you don't how to please girls at all." You added, certain that this would drive him crazy.

In response, he just smiled and shook his head. A different reaction that you were expecting.

"Oh yeah? You think I can't satisfy a girl?" He said confidently and leaned closer to you once again. "In fact, I bet I could satisfy you better than any other guy you've ever been with."

You stopped in your tracks, wondering if you heard him right. "He's just trying to get a reaction of me." You thought to tranquilize yourself.

"No way. Bet you take like... One minute." You decided just to keep teasing, trying to give him hell back for being so annoying.

"You think I'm that bad?" He raised an eyebrow with a smile on his lips. He then went silent for a second and something in his expression changed. "How about we make a bet then? If I can't please you better than anyone you've ever been with before, I'll do the dishes at your house for a week. But... If I do a good job, you have to take me out on a date."

"What?" Your mind went blank with shock and you felt a wave of heat from the embarrassment go through your entire body. Everything was all fun and games until now, but now you were just dumbfounded.

James noticed the shock in your expression and bit his lip, realizing he may have overstepped, but it was too late to take back now.

"Just hear me out. It'll be fun, it's just a harmless bet." He said quickly. "We are friends, right? What's wrong with having some fun?" He tried.

You couldn't even look straight at him now. It's true that you've been getting more and more attracted to him, but since you were best friends, you never expected this kind of proposal to come from him. Was it the alcohol? Was he just trying to prove a point? Your thoughts ran a 100 mph, trying to decide what should you do.

"I..." You started, then shook your head in an attempt to clear your mind. "Fine, it's a bet."

[666writingcafe]

New Voice Messages (Part Three)

Lucifer

"Hey. I know it's late and you're probably asleep, so you don't have to respond to this right away. I should be asleep, but I keep tossing and turning whenever I try, so I gave up on that hours ago. I'm currently sitting on the rooftop, looking up at the night sky. Well, and recording this message, but that's self-explanatory, I feel. *sighs* Don't mind my rambling. I'm both incredibly tired and slightly tipsy. I finally got around to trying the bottle of Demonus that Diavolo gave us as a housewarming gift, and it's pretty decent. I had a couple glasses of it before coming up here, thinking that it'd help put me to sleep. Obviously, it hasn't, but it was worth trying, I suppose. I at least feel like I can respond to your note without choking on my words or banging my head in frustration. *briefly pauses* Given the way you signed off on it, I'm going to assume that you trust me enough to not abuse your old name. That's also why I'm outside. Less likely to be overheard using it by my brothers. If that's okay with you. If it's not, feel free to tell me off for it the next time we meet. So, MC. *pauses again before lightly singing MC's name* Have I ever told you it's a pretty name? Saying it is comforting somehow. *clears his throat* Sorry. Like I said, I'm a bit drunk."

"Feeling more in control now. Might still ramble a bit, but hopefully not as much as before. *takes a deep breath* The first time I read your note, I ended up crying. Not because you said something wrong, but because it was...sweet? Is that the word I'm looking for? *briefly pauses as a gust of wind gets picked up on the mic* It'll have to do for now, I guess. Anyway...it's interesting how you and Diavolo said more or less the same thing, and yet I'm more inclined to listen to you than I am to him. Perhaps it's the difference in tone? I could definitely tell that he was getting frustrated with me towards the end of our phone call. I know there's a part of him that sees me as a really shiny toy, one that he's quite territorial over. If I were to leave his side, he'd throw a massive fit, I'd imagine, and he might start a war over it. Which is silly. I'm not worth fighting over. *pauses* And yet everyone seems to for some reason. It's like I cause people to lose their minds. I don't know if it's due to the amount of titles and prestige I've had or my physical appearance or something else entirely, but they seem to all go into hysteria after spending any significant amount of time with me. Except for you, MC. You don't care about Lucifer Morningstar, former Lightbringer, Avatar of Pride, yadda yadda yadda. You simply see me as me, if that makes sense. You want to make sure that I'm okay, and you don't expect anything in return. It's a way of repaying back the kindness bestowed upon you in your situation, I suppose. And it'd be cruel of me to ignore all of that and still plunge to my death. So I'm staying. *pauses* You're right. This does feel weird. You better make good on your promise, MC, or I may end up changing my mind again. *chuckles* Don't take that last part too seriously. I'm merely messing with you a bit."

"You know, I wonder what my brothers are thinking about this...offer being made to us. I already know Mammon and Beel would stay, and Belphie's going to do whatever Beel does, but I'm not sure about Levi and Asmo. I mean, you were there when Asmo was yelling at me about leaving the Celestial Realm. Do you think he's eagerly packing his bags as we speak, or--"

A Few Hours Later

"Sorry about the abrupt ending of my last message. Mammon caught me on the rooftop. We ended up talking for a while. *pauses* The two of us have an interesting relationship. Kinda similar to the one I have with Satan. Mammon's sort of my brother and sort of my son, except he didn't spring out of me like Satan did. He's the first angel I felt the need to protect. Everyone else was prepared to throw him away, even though he was merely a child. I couldn't sit back and let them treat him like that, especially not after I held him in my arms as he was crying. He was around the Chihuahua's age when that happened. *clears his throat* I apologize. I know you don't like me calling Luke a chihuahua. I really am trying not to. *pauses* So yeah. Satan's technically the third oldest, since he came into existence in my mind shortly after I took Mammon under my wing. Levi came into the picture when Mammon was a teenager, and the others when he was just becoming a fully-grown angel. *pauses again* It was actually Mammon that insisted that we take care of them, and he was so earnest about it that I couldn't say no. I mean, the fact that he was willing to do for others what I've done for him...I was quite proud of him. Still am, even though he insists on putting on a persona these days. I know deep down, he still cares about everyone. *pauses yet again* Is it weird that I feel comfortable sharing all of this with you, MC? It might be the alcohol still affecting me, but somehow I don't think it is. I...I think I've come to trust you. Completely. I haven't even gotten there with Diavolo yet, and I've known him a lot longer. *chuckles* You truly are special, little lamb. *silence* Shit. That wasn't supposed to be said out loud. I better go before I start calling you more silly nicknames. Good night, MC."

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @interconnectedmatrix

[di-42]

2024 fic roundup

Finally getting round to doing this! Just in time for the end of the year!

Many, many thanks to @curiouspupsicle and @bellisima-writes for tagging me all those weeks ago, ant to @cheeseplants for creating the questions. Enjoy curious's answers here, bellisima's answers here, cheeseplants's answers here.

What fandoms do you write in?

Good Omens, only Good Omens, nothing but Good Omens.

How many words have you published in 2024?

133k. Huh! Me?

What is your greatest achievement this year?

In the context of fandom and fanfiction, being brave enough to put myself out there and share my work is probably my greatest personal achievement. But I'm also quite proud to have plotted an 85k fiction while working 55 hours a week (and being lucky enough to have a husband and friends to spend my free time with).

What are your favourite top three fics you wrote this year?

That's an easy one! None of my favourite three are the ones with more engagement, strangely enough!

And I Did, rated E, 85k.

While I know this could have been written much better, I am incredibly proud of this fiction. It's whole season 3 fiction where I managed to pour all my headcanon in a way that hopefully doesn't feel too forced. I think it has an original plot, good side characters and tension. I tried to throw in some humour wherever possible as well. It features Supreme Archangel Aziraphale and Grand Duke of Hell Crowley. They haven't talked for almost two years. The end of the world is approaching. They are on opposite sides. And they both know neither of them was ever going to make a different choice to the one they made.

Only Ever Meant For Someone Else, rated T, 9k.

My first human AU, wheee! It was so much fun to write! I think writing human AUs allows so much freedom, although one shots and shorter stories can be a bit harder than canon compliant short stories. But I had a chance to explore some versions of the characters that I don't really see in canon, but very much enjoy in fictions, and wanted to try my hand at that. And I liked the result! Written for the Scribbling Vaguely Downwards advent calendar.

Every year, the night before Christmas, taxi driver Aziraphale drives passengers to and from the hospital for charity. On the Christmas morning of 2023 he was ready to go home and rest with a cup of tea, a mince pie, and a book after a long night.

Guess who?

“No, you may not!” Barked the other. Then he started pacing up and down the pavement, rambling to himself. “Anathema’s going to kill me. She’s actually going to kill me! She had to go into labour on fucking Christmas day, just my luck!”

Oh, dear.

“In-into labour?”

The stranger stopped pacing and, yet again, looked at Aziraphale sternly. He joined together the tips of his right thumb and forefinger, and punctuated his next words with a gracious movement of his hand.

“Yeah. It means she’s about to give birth.”

“Does it, now.”

Angel! Angel! They're At It Again! rated M, 5k

I really love this little story of mine. I've been told that it made some readers cry and laugh at the same time, and it doesn't get much better than that.

It's the year 2030. The world never ended. Aziraphale and Crowley are living happily and safely together as a married couple. Everything would be well, if it wasn't that lately Aziraphale has been a bit busy. A bit distracted. Now, Crowley can't have that, can he? He seeks the advice of his girlfriends, who unwittingly give him an idea on how to liven up his marriage.

A fluffy story about how we get to a certain cottage.

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

Tying up all the loose ends in And I Did. Sometimes it felt like I was just hitting a wall and I couldn't possibly ever go through. I felt so embarrassed -mortified, really- that some people had read the story up to a certain point and I had just to let them down, because I couldn't possibly write anything that would make sense with the rest of the story. Even though the main points were planned from the beginning, there were still all those little details that write themselves, basically, and I had no idea what to do with some of them towards the end. I still don't know how I managed to pull it off, honestly, but somehow I did it in a way that I found satisfying enough.

What have you learned?

That people are so much better than I am. Really. And I don't mean at writing fiction. Well, people are better than me at writing fiction, but that's not what I mean here. The amount of people who are ready to read about someone else's ideas and headcanons with an open mind, enjoy stories that they don't necessarily agree with, is astounding. I have very much to learn from this community.

What fic did you want to do but never made it off the ground?

I could tell you. But then I would have to erase your memory.

A fiction that has never made it off the ground is a fiction that has yet to make it off the ground.

Did you beta any fics? Any favs you want to shout out?

I was asked a couple of times, but due partly to my lack of time, partly to English not being my first language, I had to reluctantly decline. I do offer my thoughts on my betas' fictions, though. One of them hasn't published her work yet, and the other has a fantastic one shot on Ao3, called The Corset.

Aziraphale never understood just why he had been issued with a body likes his. He was the Guardian of the Eastgate, after all! So when in the 17th century corsets for men were fashionable again, he had an idea ...

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

Hah! We both know it's not going to be only three, don't we?

Some of these fics were written before, some long before, 2024, but I only read them this year. It's quite hard to pick my favourites among so much talent and creativity, but I'll do my best. I also can't help but notice that my all time favourites are not among the superpopular ones, so please don't be shy and check them out! (And leave kudos and comments!)

The Beginning Of The End (Again), rated M, 78k.

Season 3 fiction full of plot, great characterisation, humour and pining. It has of course a happy ending. It is beyond me how this fic didn't get more engagement, especially when it first came out, closer to the end of season 2.

The Anon Before Christmas, rated E, 66k.

One of my favourite human AUs. The characterisation is spot on and the slow burn is just absolutely perfect. But I did love the whole array of characters surrounding Crowley and Aziraphale. I love how this story is as much about friendship and chosen family than it is about love and romance.

The Bookseller And The Garden, rated T, 13k.

Canon divergent fiction where Crowley is a demon stationed on earth, Aziraphale is an angel stationed on earth, but they have never met until present day. There's no end of the world in sight, only an angel and a demon falling in love and not knowing how to break it to the other that they're not human. I laughed all the way through.

Wrong Turn, rated T, 37k.

Honestly, I don't know why this fiction touched me so much. I just couldn't stop thinking about it for days after I finished it. It's a post season 1 fiction where Crowley suddenly finds himself in a parallel universe at the time the apocalypse is just about to happen. The Crowley and Aziraphale in that universe have a different history to our Crowley and Aziraphale. All our Crowley wants to do is to go back to his universe and his very own angel, but how? As you follow the main plot and focus on Crowley's thoughts and actions, you'll start slowly feeling the other story get hold of you, and it won't let go until the very end and beyond.

Happiness, More Or Less, rated M, 21k

This human AU moved me so very much I cried. Crowley moves into his new flat in Soho, only to discover the flat in haunted by the ghost of the owner of the bookshop downstairs. I won't tell anything else about the plot other than it does have a very sweet happy ending, and it gets there via a rollercoaster of emotions. This is really one of those fictions that leave me in awe of the fandom's talent and creativity. Read it, read it, read it!

One last one that I haven't finished reading yet, but I know it's one of my all time favourites, is The Last Angel, rated E, 162k.

Canon divergent fiction where Crowley and Aziraphale were never assigned to earth, Armageddon happened and hell won the war. I've said many things about this fiction, among which that I can't believe the writer does this in her spare time and writing is not actually her job, and this is the most Good Omens-y fic I have ever read. It's astoundingly good.

What ideas are percolating for next year?

Watch out for The Angel Horror Show! When I learned that Peter Hinwood, the actor who played Rocky in The Rocky Horror Picture Show didn't have a long career as an actor, bout instead went on to become an antiques dealer, I knew I had to write this fiction with Aziraphale as the actor who many years ago played Angel/Rocky in The Angel Horror Show and subsequent film The Angel Horror Picture Show and is now living a comfortable life as a book and antiques dealer, and Crowley as the actor who played Demon/Frank, and went on to become a successful movie and theatre actor and director. I've just started writing it and I'm extremely excited about it!

Who do you want to thank?

Without the shadow of a doubt @sabine-smitten-obviously and IneffableShortCake who have been so incredibly generous with their time and support in the past 8 months! But also everyone who's ever left me a comment making me feel like my stories were liked, from the long comments to the ones with just enthusiastic syllables, from the incredibly witty ones to the more personal ones, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Tag, answer any Qs that suit and play along!

I think because I'm so late in the game that most of the writers I would usually tag have already been tagged by someone else, but perhaps a few haven't done this yet.

@smua70 @ngk-668 @ineffable-duck7

And anyone who wants to answer!

This was fun!

[strawbairicake]

Hi, airi!!! I hope this day is treating you well! I've read one of your recent rambles and the event you mentioned in your tags really caught my attention! So I clicked your profile to read it, and now I have this urge to participate! The event excites me hehe (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠) (I've also noticed that we're already mutuals!) Anyway, may I request Phainon with library au? Where they read the same book that no one else reads— like Phainon visits the library and reads the book in the morning while the reader goes and reads the same book in the afternoon. The reader leaves a bookmark since they often forget which page they stop, and Phainon, surprised to see someone else reading the book, leaves a folded note of his message where the reader placed their bookmark! (This took me a while because I hesitated LMAO, I'm not used to sending a request— I'm too shy for this but I gathered up the courage anw! (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠))

bookish fiend- phainon x reader (library au!)

warnings: none! 

word count: 489 (i just have a knack for writing things shorter than i imagine them!) XD

author’s note: Seraphie, thank you so much for participating, so glad this event interested and excited you! Phainon strikes me as a fantasy reader in order to escape (all of the stuff he went through. could make a whole rant about it haha!), if that makes sense! this is short, sweet, and to the point; hopefully you don’t mind! hope you enjoy! <3

book n’ dash event 

tagging: @sillyseraphie + @m1ckeyb3rry (it’s phainon, you love this guy!)

the local library was the best; it was quiet, peaceful, serene— it just had all the best qualities. you could work efficiently there and it was like working and being productive was worth something. but anytime you weren’t preoccupied with studying or working on a new project for your college classes, you were reading a book called sea and the lily- a tale about a girl who finds a magical lily flower and goes all across the world in order to find out more about this magical flower. it’s a bit of a younger read, but it was one of your favorite books growing up; it was just so nostalgic. after a particularly grueling study session, you went up to the librarian and asked for the book- she always kept it at her desk when she knew you were coming to the library. she handed the book to you and you sat in your usual spot and just went to town reading. after about an hour and a half of reading, you decide to call it quits for the day- you’ll finish the book next time you come back. you place a bookmark in the book and walk up to the librarian’s desk. she smiles upon seeing you and mutters a quick “thank you” before you turn around and grab your things and leave the library.

Phainon walks in the library, 8:30pm on the dot, every Thursday. he walks to the librarian’s desk and asks for a copy of sea and the lily and the librarian hands him the copy you had been reading, whoops. oh well, he would just flip to where he left off and—

wait. there’s a bookmark in here! this isn’t the normal copy Miss Kayama gives to me, Phainon thinks.

“I wonder who’s reading this…”

and then he moves to a desk and slips out a piece of paper from a folder, rips it so the piece is smaller, and starts writing. but as his pencil reaches closer to the paper, his mind goes blank. shit, what do i even say? he thought. and then before he realized it, his pencil found the paper and began writing: 

dear stranger, 

if you’re reading this, then that means we’re reading the same book at the same time. if possible, would you like to meet here next friday afternoon? it’s the first day after finals and would like to meet you and discuss the book in more detail! 

-your new book buddy, P.

and when you showed up to the library that fateful friday afternoon, something in your gut told you this was the right thing to do. plus the guy you were seeing in front of you was really cute, what a nice bonus! 

“I’m Phainon, nice to meet you! let’s talk about sea and the lily, shall we?” 

a cute guy who liked your favorite childhood fantasy really seemed like a dream come true. 

©2025 strawbairicake. do not repost, copy, translate, modify, or use for AI.

[campoverlook-if]

Weekly Progress Update #12// 12/2/24

Taking two weeks to update again is crazyyyyyy-

Hey everyone, nice to see yall well for this fine update. Even though I was radio silent for two weeks, I hadn't stopped writing in that time. While it is a bit slow going, that could just be that the end of the year is when I get th laziest honestly.

The hardest part of writing for me is figuring out what the actual choices should be. For some scenes, it’s really obvious, but with others, I’m completely stumped on what else someone could say in that situation. It makes the process a bit challenging, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it eventually. I think the first episode was easier because it was the introduction, so I didn’t have to overthink it. Maybe finding a beta reader to bounce ideas off of (besides my mom) would make this part smoother. Luckily, I have some good friends, so hopefully, I’ll start having an easier time with this soon.

In my last update, I mentioned that I’ve started working on the actual introduction of the campers. Now that I’ve had a little more time to develop them, I’m starting to get a better sense of their characterizations. However, I’ve noticed that some of their personalities are coming across as a bit too mature for their age. I know it's a thing that teens think they're really mature, but that's different from them actually being mature, and I don't really want them to be. It would be fine for like, two or three of them, but a whole grade? Not happening bro.

That was a ramble 🤣 but basically I'm going to rework the personalites of some of the kids. I'm begun to realize that it's okay that some of them might be very similair to one another, there's 36 of them, someone is getting the 'yeah, just change it a little so it won't be obvious' treatment.

I’ve been working on outlining some of the big mysteries in the story, and I honestly can’t wait to share more because it’s just so exciting! But, it's also been very freeing since I've been changing plot points here and there to make it all feel so much smoother. Like I've cut, created, brought back, and let hang in the wind so many characters, it's crazy.

As for when the chapter itself will be published, I’m not entirely sure. I’m aiming for a February release, but I don’t want to make promises like last time. Let’s just hope it’s at least ready sometime in 2025, hehe.

That's all I wanted to talk about, see you all next week!

[kingofscoops]

Can I ask how you do the color overlay/backgrounds on your color palette posts? Specifically the rose tyler one.

Sure nonnie, sorry it took me a while to get to I had some other colour palette requests and wanted to make a little tutorial for you using one of them when I got to them. So I'm gonna use this gif from this gifset because I really liked how the colours came out. I'll be honest I have no set colouring pattern for these, the colouring differs from gifset to gifset but it follows the same basic steps. (also a little warning, I tend to ramble when I'm making tutorials so hopefully it makes sense)

For this tutorial you will need:

Basic gifmaking knowledge (I make mine on the timeline option on PS but it works with frames too)

Your gif prepared with your preferred colouring and sharpening

Knowledge of using layer masks when gifmaking (if not don't worry i'll show where to find them)

So here's the gif before all the colouring;

and here's the gif after I've put my normal base psd on and made the adjustments to it;

Now we come to the fun part, like I said before what I do varies from gifset to gifset so just play around with it. A good tip though I've found for changing the background though is choosing a scene that has a lot of blue or cyan because I find them easiest to change the colour of, but it works with any colour to be fair.

For this gifset I started by adding a hue/saturation layer and setting the cyan and blue (or whatever the main colour of you gif is) and setting them to -100, it's not an essential step but it does help if the blue/cyan route is the way you went.

that make the gifset look like this;

All the blue and cyans have turned have turned to gray so now we can start experimenting with our colour overlays. So I created a new layer and filled it with my desired colour, which was this lovely purple colour here;

And i set the layer blending mode to soft light.

And got this nice result, the parts that were gray now have a purple colour to them, but it's not quite the same shade I'm trying to get, so I duplicated the colour layer, keeping the same blending mode.

We're getting there now, but I want to try making the purple a bit brighter now, so I duplicated the purple layer again, but this time I set the blending mode to lighten, and turn the opacity down to 12%

It's a tiny difference, but it's perfect for the shade I'm trying to get, but like I said above it's all down to experimenting with different blending options. Now my only issue is I want to bring back Dustin and Erica's natural skin tones that have been given the purple shade due to the layers. That's where layer masks come in. To get a layer mask pick the layer you want and and click the little icon I've circled underneath where your layers are, which brings up the mask as a white box next to it.

With the white box selected I select the brush tool and make sure the colour of the brush is set to black and paint over the areas of the gif I want to take the purple shade away from (note this step works better on subjects that don't show a lot of movement in the gifs, but there are other tutorials out there that show key frame colouring and stuff that I'll link at the bottom of this)

So now the mask should look like this;

Then I need to apply the ayer mask to the other purple layers, for that I press ctrl and click on the layer mask (not sure what that would be on mac sorry)

It should look simular to this, the outer area selected is where the purple colouring is the the circles are the are you're trying to change, with that select your next colour layer and apply layer mask, that will then give it the same altered layer mask from the pervious layer. Then repeat these steps on all your colour layers.

They should all now look like this leaving you're gif looking like this;

And here's the final result, Dustin and Erica have their normal skin tones while the surrounding areas of the gif are now the colour I changed them to. I hope I explained things clearly enough, if not don't hesitate to ask me any follow up questions, here's some other tutorials for changing colours in gifs:

my own colour gradiant tutorial

gradiant colour map blending

key frame colouring

gradiant fill layers

colour manipulation

Just remember to be creative and mess around with it, there's all sorts of results you can get from different blending options that might work better for you ;)

[anxietygremlin7]

BOTHERING YOU!!! DOING MY JOB AS A MOOT!!

Hi pookie, how are you <3

I'm building a bed in your askbox because its kind of cozy in here, you've done so much with the place!!

Do you have any thoughts on Southern Tango Tek, small man in my pocket, and if he would use the word "drunkificate" or "drunkify"? I'm stuck on what to use.

Love you!! <3

HI SAUCE!!!!!

I'm actually doin pretty well rn, thanks for asking (saw some cool trees today and a very epic waterfall(it wasn't super massive but the hike I went on wasn't supposed to have any water so it was a nice surprise)) I hope you're doin well too :)

oooo yes, you are totally welcome to stay here! I do try to make it as comfy as possible, but feel free to add any decorations or things as you see fit!!

Thoughts on Southern Tango Tek. Well then. I think we can starts with the obvious, that man knows how to charm anyone to death. Literally reading that first chapter and getting to know the characters was such an experience, I've never seen anyone write Tango like that and it just worked soooo well!! And the few "southern-ism's" we've gotten to see do far have been hilarious (like the whole "oil" conversation, had me genuinely laughing out loud) and I can't wait to see more of them!!!! (also as someone who loves ice tea, I can appreciate his obsession with it, even tho I'm not quite on his level lol)

One more random thing here before I get to your actually question (well, actually two things): first, idk how normal this is but whenever I read stuff I'm sort of reading it "out loud" in my head (if that makes sense) but for some reason, I just can't read/hear Tango's dialogue with a southern accent? like, I know what they sound like, and I am well aware he has one (and uses it inappropriately if I may add) but when I'm reading, it just doesn't register for some reason

second, I've had multiple ppl ask me (irl) if I'm from the south/if I have relatives from there because they think I have a southern accent. I have never been to the south, or any place when they have that sort of accent, I have heard ppl talk with those accents irl a handful of times, maybe, yet for some reason, when I'm nervous I slur my words just enough for ppl to think I have a southern accent. Strange thing's goin on in Grem Land! (that was your random piece of unsolicited Grem Lore TM)

Anyways, now to answer your actual question (I do like to ramble don't I....welp lol)

I'm not a grammar nerd like you (/aff (you actually taught me how to use em-dashes and now I use them quite often so thanks for that lol)) but I think it depends on what he's talking about. Like "drunkificate" sounds like he's talking to his friend about going out to the bar and getting drunk while "drunkify" sound more like getting someone else drunk? like maybe during Jimmy's birthday party (if he lets Grian do the bar crawl he wants to) Tango's there and excited and says to Jimmy, "Now it's officially time to drunkify you!" while already being pretty tipsy himself. I honestly could also see him saying "Time to drunkificate you!" as well tho. I would also like to add my own take on this with "drunkification". I feel like this works with the day he talks and could be a good word to use when he's talking about the process of becoming drunk. Like, during this hypothetical bar crawl, Tango walks into the last bar they're goin too, already quite drunk himself, arm around Jimmy who's not immune to the alcohol either, and just shouts at the top of his lungs with the rest of the party crew behind him, "Drunkification time!!!". The rest of the ppl in the bar all look at them for a second and then turn back to their conversations because that's definitely not the weirdest thing they've seen in a college town bar.

uhh anyways, those were my very long winded rambly thoughts, hopefully you appreciated them or at least found them a tad bit funny!!! :)))

love you too <3

(also I've been typing this whole thing during out back-and-forth under your Tango Tek eye color post lol, so thank you sm for that <333)

[utilitycaster]

Hi! This might be a bit of a weird ask (and a rambly one - sorry!) but you're one of the most level-headed and rational fandom members I know and I might need you to slap some sense into me, so to speak, especially considering you've been vocally critical of Marisha's choices for Laudna before. Now I loved the episode and the inner-party conflict in this episode. It was so fun and investing and tbh I've never been as interested in Laudna as a character as during last episode (she just doesn't work for me on several levels) and I do think Marisha did a stellar job RP wise. But something grated against my nerves about how she said OOC that Laudna hasn't lied. Because Laudna has lied. By omission, deflection or otherwise. It cannot all be attributed to Delilah being the pushing force of that. And I feel weird about Marisha (afaik) not acknowledging that. If she said "Laudna feels like she hasn't lied" it would probably be different but the "I still maintain: Laudna hasn't lied. It wasn't Laudna." at the end of the episode after Laura calls Laudna out for the direct lie about the harness feels kinda trying-to-have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too in this regard. I know that Marisha can make decisions that I don't gel with and make characters that can get under my skin in specific ways (and I enjoy that about her!) but idk maybe I have difficulties putting my trust in her with this because I didn't like a lot of her choices for Laudna so far. Anyway. Maybe I just need to hear from you that I'm being stupid about this and that Marisha is going to handle this in a differentiated way. (also highly unrelated but to end on a more positive note I'm excited for you to catch up on fhjy!)

Hey anon! Thank you for all the kind words, and good news! On CR Cooldown Marisha does clarify she means this as "Laudna is not lying because, whether or not it is correct, this is what she believes". I'm going to talk more below, but hopefully that helps.

For what it's worth, I tend to not put a huge amount of emphasis on things the cast says OOC as compared to what's happening in game, for a number of reasons, and advise others do the same. I think it's really easy for those statements to become outdated or outright contradict the text (remember when people kept bringing up Laura on like, one of the first 4SD episodes saying Imogen tries not to read people's minds and it's like. ok but in canon, she does this ALL the time so this is a useless argument?), the cast is working off more information than we are slash might deliberately be hiding info from each other, and also anything said right after they break is often a really emotional statement that they, as Marisha did here, will immediately either clarify or recant after a few minutes to, well, cool down.

The lies of omission thing is also incredibly rich as a source of conflict here, particularly between Imogen and Laudna, which, as someone who's been very frustrated with a lack of conflict on that front, is very exciting. What happens when you have someone who, in classic warlock fashion, hews to the law of lying (I didn't say anything literally false!) and not the spirit (lying by omission that Delilah was the cause) and who also makes promises she's unable to keep; and she's in a relationship with someone who is exceptionally sensitive to lies by omission, lying in general, and kind of has trouble with people simply not revealing their true intentions? I think Laudna is so suggestible that she's a liability, and the party just found out, and that's the dangerous thing - if she were malicious and lying maybe they could pick it up and this would have an easy fix, but she really does believe it will be different this time and Delilah isn't misleading her for power (Delilah is 100% misleading her for power), and that makes it much more complicated. It's very juicy.

[shinystealingbirb]

It felt really rude to leave a comment in your fic just to ask a question but the curiosity was eating at me, so hopefully you don't mind I tracked down your tumblr haha...

Ever since I read right over left (marked for death) I've wondered - if the stories in the rope knots of Yanqing's uniform weren't intended as a warning, what was their intention? Maybe I'm missing cultural context, but I couldn't glean what Jing Yuan (or whomever could have decided the design) intended by them! Also, whether Jing Yuan sewing swallows in Yanqing's new uniform meant he realised the stories were A Problem, and if this was before Dragonprayer Terrace and really planned for Yanqing's birthday, or if that was the excuse and he hurried to make the new uniform after Apyra

Hopefully the questions make sense, I think I kinda rambled for a bit haha. Regardless, I really loved your fic — thank you for taking the time to write it!

(warning, long response)

First of all, thank you for the question, and congratulations on tracking me down! I'm not sure if i put my tumblr in a lot of fics or not, i tend to forget easily, but it probably took some effort, and I applaud your dedication!

For those not in the know, i wrote three fics last whumptober about Yanqing(hsr), my favorite being Right over Left. In Yanqing's second uniform, Jing Yuan codes stories into it with rope knots about hubris- the man who tried to ride Pegasus to the gods' realm (a greek myth) sailors trying to swim to sirens(another greek myth, i was having fun) and a sparrow being tossed around by a storm (a reference to Yanqing, who's got sparrow motifs all over him.)

The way I intended it, Yanqing was to perceive this as an insult and a warning. An insult, because Jing Yuan just handed him this robe as a present to a new Lieutenant, and the coded messages say "don't fuck up." A warning for the same reason, a sort of this is what will happen to you if you fail. However, he doesn't really realize that it's warning him about hubris. He calls them "echoes of foolishness and death." Canonically, he's got a problem with seeing things in black and white (victory/defeat, success/failure, etc) and I just wanted to throw this at him and see how Yanqing would react.

badly. he reacted badly.

The way Jing Yuan intended it was guidance. Yanqing is young and brash and becoming ever so slightly more unpredictable as they adjust to his growing power as an Ice pathstrider. He doesn't want Yanqing to believe that he's above everything, or that he can overpower rules that were set in place to protect him.

Hubris is defined as excessive pride or self-confidence. Jing Yuan misread Yanqing. He thought Yanqing might become overly prideful or self-confident, and get himself killed because of it, and as the Seat of Divine Foresight, really wanted to mitigate that future.

Dragonprayer Terrace is where everything blows up. Jing Yuan thinks Yanqing went to Dragonprayer Terrace to fight, because he's too ovreconfident in his skill. Yanqing, however, believes he went to Dragonprayer terrace not because of pride or self confidence, but loyalty to the general. He makes a mention of this in that section- "wherever the general goes, so does he."

In truth, Yanqing is being overconfindent and prideful. He tries to take on a challenge he was warned not to. He believes he has the power to overcome that challenge, to hell with the rules. That is overconfidece. That is pride. But Yanqing reads it as loyalty, and he reads Jing Yuan telling him to go home as a betrayal.

So Yanqing was supposed to see the ropes as an insult and warning, and Jing Yuan was supposed to see it as guidance. Because of that, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

That's the way I saw those, anyways.

The swallow embroidery, on the other hand, is based on something entirely different. i made a post on here awhile ago about swallows being a symbol of homecoming and new beginnings. I wanted to tie Yanqing back to the character we see ingame, who uses swallow return as a move, has little birds all across his unifrom, and on his phone case. But I also wanted to use the homecoming/new beginnings thing, because that is very cool, and he has that same motif way too many times for me not to play with it.

I said in that post that I imagined it as Jing Yuan telling Yanqing that he'd always have a home, no matter what happened. It's also a sort of apology for fucking up and leaving Yanqing there, because Yanqing saw that both as an inevitable outcome of betrayal and failure, which invited Apyra's attention. (I didn't elaborate in the fic, because in canon the Phantylia quest was very clearly a High Stress Situation, and Jing Yuan physically did not have time to take care of Yanqing. Having Yanqing get back on his own was the only feasible option at that time, because what was he supposed to do? abandon a battle that could destroy the luofu, so he can take Yanqing back to the mainland?)

I do realize now that people would probably need that context to get the swallow thing, which is absolutely my bad, ngl. Sorry fam.

Oh, also you got it right- Jing Yuan absolutely was making an excuse on the birthday present. I said it was to give Yanqing a last out, if he really had changed and didn't want the apprenticeship. I don't actually know how he got a really pretty robe ready that fast. Minor failing on my part. (For now, we can just assume he had a plain silk robe ready for Yanqing's birthday, and gave it to Yanqing a few days after this, and spent about thirty straight hours embroidering as fast as he could lol)

This was the majority of my thougut ht process while writing it. I'm not sure if this entirely answered your question, but if not, feel free to message again! also, don't worry about asking on the fic, if you want. I don't mind. If I've left a plothole, it's something I should probably know about, and elaboration on points I've already made means I can share my brainworms :D

Thank you very much for the ask, and thank you even more for reading my fic!

[citrusy-lemons]

pancake-cakes

tasm!peter x reader

summary: late night cravings bring out some deeper feelings.

author's note: HOLY SHIT, count on me to go MIA for a month after posting. honestly tho i'm so sorry, i've got school and extracurriculars and projects and shit and i haven't really gotten time to write and my schedule is still super hectic, hopefully i'll be able to get other stuff out soon but no promises :/

let me know what you think? constructive criticism is welcome and please be nice :)

see, the middle of the night wasn't meant for this. it's to sleep and dream and pee.

not for baking a cake without having most ingredients of the cake. but you'd gotten a sudden craving and it was a weekend tomorrow, so bad decisions were inevitable.

did you have a million assignments to do? maybe. but peter also had a million assignments to do and he was still here, so technically, he's also making bad decisions. he was aware of that fact.

mind you he did try to convince you to go back to sleep at first but you wore him down. he didn't put up a big fight, he never did, against you.

he's convinced himself that he was only there to watch over you and make sure you didn't slice a finger or spill the flour, not to help you out with your late night shenanigans. but he was cutting up the strawberries so, really, he didn't have a strong resolve.

"you know, i think that when the box says 'pancake mix' you're supposed to make pancakes," he said, turning to you, who was reading the back of said box.

were you trying to bake a cake in the middle of the night with pancake batter cuz you didn't have the stuff for the cake and didn't want to go to the grocery store to get it? kinda. would peter have gone and got the stuff himself if you'd asked? yes.

"i didn't listen to you the last 17 times, i'm not gonna listen to you now, and besides," you said, pouring the mix into a bowl, "a pancake is just a cake but made on a pan instead of an oven. we're just changing the recipe a bit," you shrugged, like it was obvious and he was the stupid one.

"there are so many things wrong with that sentence, i dont even know where to begin,"

"here's a hint, don't."

you were being mean, you knew that. you didn't mean it. peter knew that. and you knew that peter knew that but you would apologize later. he knew that. he sighed dramatically.

"you wound me,"

you rolled your eyes at that. pretending to be annoyed at him was easy. wiping the smile away from your face when you were around him wasn't.

"if i had a dollar for every time you're wounded, i'd be filthy rich."

he glanced up at you. he knew that that wasn't completely a joke, it had a bittersweet tone to it. was that the reason why you were up at this ungodly hour? peter knew that you'd been stressed lately, he didn't know he had a hand in that.

"hey, you wanna tell me what's up?"

you didn't meet his eye, but you did stop fiddling with the bowl. almost immediately, you grabbed the knife out of his hand, mumbling, "you're cutting them all wrong,"

you both knew that wasn't true. one of the perks of having grown up with may was that peter was a fantastic cook. he'd been doing this sort of stuff forever. you needed to get better at excuses.

he gently laid his hand over yours to stop you and said your name softly, pleadingly. a long pause. you complied.

"it's just that," you started with a sigh, and dropped the knife, "you're my best friend peter, and i know that being spiderman means a lot to you," hesitation creeps up as you get to the actual issue. peter senses a 'but' coming. you look at him.

"but you come home every night with bruises everywhere, in pain, and i know you say that they'll go away in the morning and they do but," you're rambling now, he doesn't stop you.

"you have to see it from my perspective, i-" another sigh, you look away, "i get scared, peter."

oh. you were worried for him. he wonders how he didn't realise that before. that time he came home with a stab wound and you looked like you were going to cry he thought you were nauseous at the sight of blood. peter was an idiot.

"i know i shouldn't but i dont like the thought of you getting beat up every night." you were talking with your hands now, "imagine how you would feel if i came home with bruises all over my body and told you not to worry and that i'll be fine in a couple hours." you looked at him again. there was a sort of pain in your eyes. peter wishes it weren't there.

"it doesn't feel good peter. and you assume that i'm supposed to be okay with it?" you took a deep breath and closed your eyes, turning back to the strawberries. your hands were shaking.

peter thought about it. about what you'd said. you were scared for him and he understood that. it couldn't have been easy to be with someone like him. but he couldn't very well abandon spiderman. it was a part of him now. he knew that you knew that, but at the same time, he understood your point.

he thought about how he'd feel if the roles were reversed. if you came home with the type of wounds he did every night, he would be terrified. he couldn't blame you, of course he couldn't.

but he was spiderman, he had a responsibility, an unspoken vow to this city. he had opportunities and powers that no one else did, and he wanted to do good with it.

he hadn't asked for it, but he still had it. if he gave up being spiderman, he didn't think his conscience would let him live with it.

"i'm not asking you not to be spiderman," you spoke, finding your voice, "of course i won't do that. i'm just saying..." you trailed off, unsure of what you wanted and whether you were allowed to have it.

peter took both your hands into his, silently begging you to look at him. you did.

"i know what you're saying, and i understand. i don't blame you, i get where you're coming from and i promise, i'll be fine," he said, softly. he knew you were anxious about his safety.

"i can't give up being spiderman, and i know that's not what you're saying, but you have to understand, i can't not do it, it's a part of me, and i swear i will be more careful," his brown eyes bore into yours, willing you to understand. you blinked and unconsciously looked to the floor.

"but what if, being careful isn't enough one day? what if it isn't just some robbers or burglars but some other things? what if it's one of those aliens or mutants or something and you can't defend yourself? what am i supposed to do then, pete?"

you closed your eyes again, trying to stop the tears. peter's heart was tearing itself knowing that he was the reason for them. how could he tell you that him being the cause for your tears hurt more than any knife in the world?

"hey, look at me," he said, searching for your eyes. you shook your head but looked up at him anyway, the tears in your lashes resolutely not giving in to gravity.

"nothing is going to happen to me. i've handled stuff like that, you know. i know you're worried and upset but i promise, nothing will happen. you need to trust me, okay? we're going to be fine. please, I need you to trust me."

he said your name like it's the last time he'll ever get to, not in a way a friend is supposed to.

you sniffed, "i trust you, i do. it's this city that i don't trust," you steeled yourself, "but if you're sure, and you believe we'll be fine, then i do too."

he cracked a smile then, and pulled you in for a hug. a tight one. neither of you let go for quite a few minutes. you relished in it.

"god, okay i know i'm being silly, i'm sorry," you said after you'd pulled away, rubbing at your eyes.

"you're not being silly, don't be sorry. it's completely okay and valid. don't ridicule your thoughts, you're allowed to feel," peter said, in a scold-ish manner that he'd no doubt learnt from may.

"and please step away from the strawberries, and go back to butchering your so-called 'cake'," he said with a teasing smile, bumping his hips into yours to move you back to the bowl of pancake mix.

you scoffed incredulously, back into your playful demeanor, "excuse you, i would have perfected this pancake-cake if i weren't feeling sleepy right now, so, unfortunately for you, you won't get to taste this deliciousness, whenever i do get to make it,"

"oh, what a tragedy, i won't get to torture my tastebuds with whatever concoction you manage to brew up,"

you shoved at him, not that he moved an inch, and grabbed the plate of cut strawberries.

"just for that, i'm gonna eat these strawberries in bed using your pillow as a table, and you know i can be a very messy eater," you laughed like an evil sorcerer and ran towards the bedroom.

peter, horrified at the thought of sleeping on a sticky pillow, ran after you, forgetting that he had sticky hands himself. (pun intended, i'm sorry i couldn't not do it)

"come back here you!"

the pancake mix in the bowl, the half pack of strawberries waiting to be cut, and the anxiety were all left forgotten back in the kitchen.