#I've had the first? 4? on my shelf since then and i thought it was 10 books max (i thought more like 5-6)

[caffeinated-bibliophile]

Hold on, wait a minute. The Redwall series has how many books?!

[dixons-sunshine]

js read your shopping spree and dying for your haircut fics and omg

can u pretty please, with a bow on top, write another part to that series or like an au where they get separated at the fall of the world and a few season later (preferably that prison era of daryl he was so fawking sexy there like omg) they found each other again and i want some build up to their reunion yk like someone else finds r and brings them in and some ppl kinda chatting abt the new girl or wtv and dars not rlly gaf cuz he kinda getting tired of trying to find r (realistically i don’t think he’d give up easily but let’s js pretend yk) but then they see each other and they’re like omfg the love of my life’s here and safe and like i need that glenn and maggie type reunion but like tenfold bc r and dar alr loved and knew each other before the fall yk and like yeah😣

idky but i’m a sucker for “r and daryl had a relationship beforehand, got separated, and reunited” trope (?) fic, blurb shit and you’d literally be godsent if u wrote this oml

I Found You | Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Summary: When the dead started to rise and the world went to hell, Daryl got seperated from you, the love of his life. After over a year of searching for you and finding no evidence of your survival, Daryl was beginning to give up and count his losses. One day, Carol stumbled upon a wounded woman while out on a run with Glenn, and the two of them decide to accept you into the prison. Little did they know, that would end up being one of the best decisions they could've ever made.

Genre: Angst to fluff.

Era: Prison, pre season 4, post season 3.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, death, mentions of attempted sexual assault (not descriptive)

Word count: 4.3k

A/n: Thank you so much for the request! I've decided to write the au since there's already a part three for the SSHD (Shopping Spree, Hangout Dreams) universe in the works, but this request was way too good to not write. I hope you like it! And I absolutely agree with you. There's something about prison era Daryl that just hits different. He was on another level completely.

As always, my requests are open for any TWD requests.

(Just thought I'd say that both third- and second person is used. I referred to the reader in third  person when Glenn and Carol first met her, but it soon shifts to second person when she introduced herself. Just thought I'd let y'all know the shift is intentional.)

—

“Okay, so I can't guess what you did before all of this correctly, but I bet there is something that I will be right about.”

Daryl looked at Zach skeptically as they trudged through the abandoned store, looking for supplies to bring back to the prison. “Yeah? Wha's tha'?”

“You're brooding, quiet, you like to keep to yourself,” Zach started, leaning nonchalantly against one of the shelves while he watched the archer place multiple different packs and boxes into his bag. “The way you act most of the time would suggest you've never been in a relationship before, but there are clear signs that you were with someone before all of this.”

Daryl stiffened for a moment, his hand lingering above a pack, before regaining his composure and continuing his task. “Wha' signs?”

“Well, for one, you know exactly what kind of tampons and pads to get for the ladies at the prison. I would've just dumped everything in and have them sort through it, but you are only taking specific brands,” Zach pointed out, motioning to the box of tampons Daryl had just put back onto the shelf.

When Daryl didn't reply, Zach took that as his cue to continue. “And while we're on the topic of periods, you seem to know exactly what to get the girls for the pain and what to do to curve their bad tempers. What guy would know that if he didn't have a girlfriend before all of this? And to top it all off, and this is totally unrelated to everything I just said, I've seen that locket necklace you keep in your pocket. It's pretty worn out and faded, but you can definitely tell it's something from this generation, so it can't be something that was passed down from a relative, so that brings me to my conclusion. You, Daryl Dixon, had a girl before all of this.”

Daryl sighed, shutting his eyes tightly as he willed the onslaught of memories away. Memories that were too painful to think of, memories that did nothing but remind the archer of his failure. His failure at finding you, the love of his life, after the dead started walking. A failure he had to live with for as long as he remained alive.

Daryl opened his eyes and turned abruptly, leaving the young man behind him as he stalked towards the exit, his bag slung over his shoulder. Zach hurriedly caught up to him, struggling to keep at a steady pace beside him as Daryl strode quickly, wanting to put some distance between him and Zach.

“Woah, man! Slow down!” Zach complained, jogging to keep up with him. “Was it because I brought up the girl thing? I didn't realise it was a touchy subject.”

“It ain't none of yer damn business,” Daryl grumbled under his breath, stalking over to the truck him and Zach were using that day.

“Daryl! Come on, man. It's not that deep.”

Daryl gritted his teeth as he opened up the driver's side door of the truck, throwing his bag into the back before climbing inside. He started up the truck and revved the engine, a warning sign to Zach that he was about to leave, with or without him.

Zach hurriedly scurried into the passenger seat, barely having time to close the door before Daryl started speeding off. He gripped the edge of his seat, sending Daryl an exasperated look.

“Daryl, what the hell? Calm down!” he exclaimed, unnerved by the archer's sudden burst of fury. He'd seen Daryl angry before, but it was never directed towards him. It was downright scary.

“'M calm,” Daryl replied through gritted teeth, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“That's what you call calm?!” Zach exclaimed, motioning out towards the road. “You're driving like a maniac! Slow down!”

Daryl simply ignored the man, keeping his eyes trained on the road. Memories of you unwillingly flooded his mind. Memories of your smile, your laugh and your beautiful eyes. Memories of the calm mornings you'd spend with the archer in your shared sad excuse for an apartment where the hot water was a joke. Memories where you'd both stand under the cold water of the shower, Daryl embracing you from behind in an attempt to make the cold water bearable for you. Memories of your loving touch on his skin, your fingers lightly tracing over the scars on his back as you whispered reassuring things into his ear, assuring him that his father's abuse had nothing to do with him, that it wasn't his fault that any of that happened to him.

The more Daryl's mind wandered, the more he remembered some of the bad memories. All those arguments you had with him over some of his escapades with Merle, telling him that it would only get him into trouble, flooded his mind. One of those arguments ended up being the reason he got seperated from you in the first place.

Merle had wanted to go do some drug deal and had barged into your apartment, practically dragging Daryl from your bed. You had begged him not to go, arguing with him that it was a bad idea and that something would go wrong this time. He remembered being so angry at you for insisting during that argument that Merle wasn't good for him, that he needed to cut back on seeing him or set some boundaries with him. He had stormed out of the apartment without so much as a goodbye, and now he regretted it more than he's regretted anything before in his life.

Daryl blamed himself daily for not having listened to you that day. If he had, he never would've been seperated from you and you would've been safe by his side. He longed to have you by his side again, to tell you that he was sorry and that he loved you. However, even after all this time of searching, going out for extended periods of time to look for signs of you, it was to no avail. You were gone, and it was all his fault.

“Daryl? Are... you okay?”

Daryl snapped back to reality at the sound of Zach's concerned voice. He felt a droplet of water roll down his cheek and he hurriedly wiped it away, realising that he was crying. He hadn't even realised that tears had started to well up in his eyes, so immersed was he in his own thoughts.

“'M fine,” Daryl insisted, wiping his eyes hurriedly as he willed the tears away.

Zach furrowed his eyebrows, before realisation dawned on him. “You did have a girl before all of this. You lost her, didn't you?” he asked sympathetically.

Daryl hesitantly nodded, swallowing in an attempt to get rid of the lump in his throat. “I didn't lose her,” he began, bringing the truck to a halt in front of the prison gates as he waited for someone to open them.

“I don't know if she's even dead at all. She's just... Gone.”

—

“What are we looking for, exactly?” Glenn asked Carol as they scanned over the shelving of an abandoned pharmacy, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Carol sighed as she looked upon yet another empty shelf, its medical contents a thing of the past. “Anything medical. With all the new people we've been taking in, the supplies we have aren't going to be enough.”

“Okay,” Glenn drawled hesitantly. “But it doesn't look like there's anything worth scavenging here.”

“Let's just do a once over before we check the back. If there's nothing, we head on back. It's getting late,” Carol instructed. Glenn nodded, and the two of them dispersed to sweep through the small store once more.

“So,” Glenn started. “Is it just me, or has Daryl been more grumpy than usual?”

Carol hummed in agreement. “He has. He gets angry at the smallest of things lately.”

“Do you know why?”

“No,” Carol said, shaking her head. “I've asked him, but he won't say anything. Just tells me to mind my own business. It's really odd. He's more like he was back at the quarry. More closed off and snappy and I don't know why.”

“It's ever since he came back from that run with Zach a week ago,” Glenn replied, meeting up with the Carol again to go into the back room. “I've asked Zach if he knows why, but he refused to say anything. Says it's not his place to say.”

Carol frowned, opening the door that lead into the back room. “That's odd. So that means something—”

“Stay right there. Don't move another inch or I swear to god I'll shoot.”

Both Carol and Glenn froze in their tracks. They looked up and locked eyes with a woman, who's eyes were fiery as they darted between them.

“Names. Now. And weapons on the ground.”

“Okay, alright,” Carol responded, trying to diffuse the situation. She slowly lowered her gun and knife to the ground, urging Glenn to do the same. “I'm Carol, and this is Glenn. Now before we answer anymore questions, what's your name?”

The woman hesitated for a moment. “Y/n. What are you doing here?”

“We were looking for some supplies,” Carol spoke truthfully, eyeing the gun aimed at her carefully. “We're running low on medical things.”

After a couple of long, tense moments, with you scanning them from head to toe, you nodded to yourself after spotting something. Deciding to trust them for now, you slowly lowered the gun. However, you quietly hissed in pain, quickly clutching your side as you stumbled to regain your balance. After you steadied yourself, you limped over to your bag and grabbed a few things before handing them over to Carol and Glenn.

“Here. Hope these help. The place was ransacked when I got here. Wasn't a lot left to clear out.”

“Thank you, but we need more than this. This isn't going to last us long,” Carol responded, placing the items into her bag.

“No offence, lady, but I think I need the supplies more than you do at the moment. And I gave you more than half already. I can't spare more,” you said, clutching your side tightly.

“What happened?” Glenn asked, pointing to the your side, unable to stop his curiosity from seeping through.

“Flesh eaters,” you replied nonchalantly, shrugging your shoulders. “I was fighting a bunch of them when one lunged at me from the side. It toppled me through a broken window, and a shard sliced me.”

“Don't you have a group? Couldn't they help you?” Glenn questioned.

“Nope. I've been on my own since this whole thing started. I guess I should probably find a group, though. Things like this wouldn't happen if I had backup.”

You gingerly lifted your shirt, and both Carol and Glenn grimaced at the painful sight. The wound was deep and oozing blood. It would definitely need stitches, as well as someone to remove the remaining fragments of glass that still painfully stuck out of the wound. It was terrible. You wouldn't be able to get it all out without a professional.

Suddenly, an idea struck Carol. “You gave us some of the supplies you scavenged without even knowing us. Why?”

“Well, you didn't try to kill me, even after I held you at gunpoint. And by the looks of it, you guys have a group and are set up somewhere. Figured I should do the honourable thing and offer up some medical things if there's kids involved.”

“How do you know there's kids?” Glenn asked, confused.

“I can see the toys in your bag,” you pointed out, motioning to the toy truck that stuck out of the top of his bag. “Figured that adults wouldn't be playing with toy trucks while the world was ending.”

“Still, why would you? You don't owe us anything,” Carol questioned, though her mind was already set on one thing.

“Some might call me naive, but I hope that by doing some good in this fucked up world, karma will decide to do something good for me. That probably makes me stupid as shit, huh?” you replied, laughing before wincing at the pain that shot through your side at the small action.

Carol smiled at you. “We have a group set up not too far from here, at the prison. You can join if you want, but you have to answer three questions first.”

You raised your eyebrows at her. “Three questions? That's it?”

“Yeah.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Alright, shoot.”

“How many walkers have you killed?” Carol began, watching you closely.

“A lot. Too many to keep track of at this point.”

“How many people have you killed?”

You hesitated for a moment, guilt creeping up on you. “Three.”

“Why?”

“Two of them were bit. They asked me to kill them. The other one... That bastard tried to rape me. I wouldn't let him.”

“I'm sorry,” Glenn said sympathetically.

“It's fine. I'm fine,” you waved him off, before turning your attention back to Carol. “How'd I do? Satisfactory enough?”

Carol nodded. “For me, yes. You'll still need to meet the leader and have him evaluate you, but I think you'll be alright. You'll fit in just fine.”

“Hopefully,” you laughed nervously, instantly paying the price for it with a sharp pain shooting up your side, making you visibly wince.

“Come on, let's get going. We have a doctor who can get that checked out for you,” Glenn prompted. He walked over to you and grabbed your bag, stopping your protest instantly. “It's fine, I've got it. One extra bag won't kill me.”

Together, all of you made your way out of the pharmacy and over to their car. You got settled in the back while Carol and Glenn got into the front, and before long you were setting off to the prison. Your eyes were beginning to droop, but Glenn seemed eager to get to know the new recruit better.

“What were you doing out there on your own anyway?”

“I was looking for my boyfriend. I was hoping that he might still be alive.”

“No luck?” he asked.

“No,” you shook your head, pursing your lips. “I'm beginning to think I might never find him, if he's even still alive.”

“Never say never,” Glenn encouraged you. “You'll find him someday, I know it.”

“I really hope so.”

—

“Have you seen that new chick Glenn and Carol brought back? She's a real looker.”

“I know, right? You think she's into blondes?”

“Even if she was, I doubt she'd go for your scrawny ass.”

“Easy, boys. She might not even be into guys. I could have a shot with her for all you know.”

Daryl groaned inwardly as he entered the cellblock. The new girl that Glenn and Carol brought in the day before was seemingly the hottest topic of discussion amongst everyone and he couldn't escape it, no matter where he tried to run to. Nobody, apart from Glenn, Carol, Rick and Hershel have officially met her, yet everybody had seemingly already formed an opinion about her. Although there were a lot of different opinions, everyone seemingly agreed on one thing; the new girl was hotter than hell.

Daryl was the only guy in the entire prison that hadn't seen her yet. He was out hunting when Carol and Glenn brought her back and he hasn't bothered to go out of his way to introduce himself to her ever since he got back. He'd meet her soon enough and he wasn't hoping to make friends with her. The more people he managed to keep at arm's length, the better.

“Yo, Daryl. What do you think about the new chick?” a guy called Mitchell asked him, snapping him from his thoughts.

Daryl shrugged. “Ain't met her yet,” he replied, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Okay, but have you seen her?” another guy called Ronnie asked. “I'm telling you, man, hotter than the sun on a summer day. I'm hoping she'll let me hit at least once.”

“How 'bout ya leave the poor girl alone?” Daryl snapped, turning to face the group that was walking with him. “She ain't even been here two days and y'all are already ogling her like she's some prize to be won. Have some more respect.”

“Jeez,” Mitchell whistled. “What's got your panties up in a bunch?”

“Nothin',” Daryl muttered angrily, turning around to walk further into the cellblock. “Jus' wanna get this fuckin' job done and all y'all can do is yap 'bout some girl ya dun' even know properly. I dun' give two flyin' shits 'bout who or wha' ya talk 'bout, but do it after the job's done. Y'all ain't free loadin' here. Do yer job, earn yer keep.”

“Sorry,” a girl called Ariana muttered, sending him an apologetic look. “What do you need us to do?”

“Take those planks over there and take em to the guard tower. Rick wants to fortify it and wants it done by the end of the week.”

“What are you gonna do?” Ronnie asked, crossing his arms as he sized Daryl up.

Daryl glared at him and squared his shoulders, looking down on his shorter, scrawny frame. “Hershel needs help with somethin'. I believe ya can understand tha' if the doctor needs somethin' done, it's considered top priority?”

Ronnie shrunk under Daryl's intense glare, nodding quickly. “Yeah, of course.”

“Great.”

With that, Daryl turned on his heel and set off to find Hershel. He didn't have to search far, however, because Hershel halted him before he could go outside.

“Daryl, over here,” the old man called after him, halting him in his tracks.

Daryl turned and walked over to Hershel, nodding at him respectfully. “Wha' ya need, Doc?”

“I'm sure you've heard of the girl Carol and Glenn brought back yesterday by now?” Hershel questioned, chuckling at the slight groan Daryl emitted.

“Who hasn't? Apparently she's really good lookin'. Her looks has been all people has to say 'bout her.”

Hershel nodded. “Unfortunately, that is true. Only Rick, Glenn, Carol and myself has had the pleasure of meeting her personally up until this point. She's a lovely woman. Had no problem that there wasn't anything to ease the pain when I had to stitch her side and she's more than willing to get up and start working to earn her keep. She won't be able to for at least another day or so since her side needs to heal up a bit first, but Carol and Glenn did good with bringing her back. She'll fit right in.”

“Good,” Daryl nodded. “She a good fighter?”

“From what I understand, she's been out on her own since the beginning. She's not dead yet, so I'd say she's alright,” Hershel replied, adjusting on his crutches.

“Alrigh', now enough 'bout her. Wha' did ya need me to do?”

Hershel gave him an encouraging pat on the back, confusing the archer. “You're going to be one of the very few people who gets to say they met the new girl for the next couple of days. I was hoping you could help her fix her bunk? One of the legs on the bunk broke and she's dead set on repairing it. She won't let me help because she keeps insisting I've done enough for her, so I told her I would send someone else to help. She'll be expecting you.”

Daryl pursed his lips but nodded, parting ways with the older man. He walked over to the cell that Hershel had pointed towards and stopped at the doorway, hesitating to make his presence known.

You had your back turned towards the door, hunched over as you inspected the leg of the bunk. You weren't aware of the archer that stood a few feet behind you, engrossed entirely in your own thoughts. That was, until he spoke up behind you.

“Hey. Hershel said ya needed help?”

You froze at the voice, willing the supposed hallucination away. You slowly rose to your feet and turned, locking eyes with the one person you've been searching for since the world went to hell—your boyfriend, Daryl Dixon.

The moment Daryl locked eyes with you, a whirlwind of emotions flooded his being. Relief, love, happiness, wonder, sadness, confusion and so much more that he couldn't decipher. Although his first instinct was to wrap you in his arms and never let go of you again, he hesitated, refusing to believe you were real. He took a step back, his eyes wide as he looked at you.

You stared back at him with equal amounts of disbelief. You took a hesitant step forward. “Daryl?” you whispered. The man in front of you looked slightly different; a little bit older and his hair was longer, but there was no mistaking it. The man in front of you was Daryl.

Daryl remained silent, his eyes locked on you as you continued to take agonizingly slow steps towards him. He watched as you stopped in front of him and hesitantly raised your hand, bringing it to rest on his cheek. Daryl instantly melted into your familiar soft touch, and that was all the confirmation he needed. Without another thought, he gently grabbed you and pulled you into his arms, tightly clinging to you as he pressed multiple kisses to the top of your head.

“Yer real,” he whispered, a laugh of amazement falling from his lips. “Yer real. Yer alive. Yer actually still alive.”

You laughed quietly against his chest as you held onto him tightly, never wanting to let go ever again. Your laughter soon turned into sobs, tears of relief and happiness falling from your eyes.

“I thought I'd never see you again,” you whispered through your tears, burying your face into his chest. “I thought you were dead, Dar.”

“'M here,” he whispered into your ear, a few tears of his own falling from his eyes. “'M alive. Yer alive. 'M never lettin' ya go ever again. 'M sorry I ever left tha' day in the first place.”

“It's okay. I'm sorry, too. I never should've asked you to cut Merle out of your life. He's your brother. It was unreasonable of me.”

“Nah, it wasn't,” he denied, placing another gentle kiss on the top of your head. “Ya were jus' lookin' out fer me. I never shoulda gotten mad at ya in the first place.”

“Let bygones be bygones?” you whispered against his chest.

Daryl chuckled before nodding. “Yeah, of course.”

The two of you held onto each other for a couple of moments longer until you pulled back. Daryl was about to voice his protest until you pressed your lips against his in an urgent kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. His arms settled on your waist, pulling you closer into him as he kissed you back. There was no lustful hunger behind the kiss—there was only love and longing, two broken parts finally reuniting and mending together as one.

Daryl pulled back and placed his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. “I missed ya so much,” he whispered, willing the lump in his throat to go away.

“I missed you too. More than you even know,” you replied, cupping Daryl's cheek with one of your hands. “But I found you. I finally found you.”

Daryl leaned into your touch before turning his head to kiss the palm of your hand. However, he soon pulled away from you and strode over to your bag, slinging it over your shoulder.

“C'mon,” he said, taking your hand in his as he pulled you to walk beside him.

“Where are we going?” you questioned, falling into step beside the man you loved.

“There ain't no need fer ya to sleep in there. Yer gonna sleep with me in my cell,” Daryl said simply, pulling you along to his cell.

You giggled but said nothing, silently following him into his cell. When he placed your bags down on the floor, Daryl placed a soft kiss on your lips before stalking out of the cell.

“Where are you going?” you called after him, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion.

“'M gonna find tha' prick who objectified ya and teach him a lesson. Yer hot as fuck, yes, that much I can accept people sayin', but Ronnie implied he wanted to sleep with ya outrigh'. He's really gonna regret sayin' tha' in a few moments. Dun' even try to talk me outta it.”

“Hey, Dar?” you called after him, halting him in his tracks. “I love you.”

Daryl smiled at you. “I definitely love ya more.”

[woneuntonzz]

what's it like to love ? 𓇢𓆸

anton lee x afab!reader (part 5/5)

• part 1

• part 2

• part 3

• part 4

warnings: cussing!

genre: fluff -`♡´- highschool love

word count: 2.8k words!!

[note!!: hiii i'd just like to quickly say that this is my first post ever and i'm still a bit insecure with my writing, and english is not my first language so bare with me now 🙏 open for any forms of feedback

please do take note that i will take longer to update/respond to anything because of school, thank you!!! ]

[Day 99]

It's been a few weeks since your senior year began, though, the path to take after overcoming highschool is still a little unclear to you. Still, you don't rush yourself. 

“Psychology's quite interesting.” you said as your fingers glided through the array of vinyls.

“You wanna be a therapist?” Anton was at the other side of the tall steel shelf that divided the two of you.

Your fingers stopped on a vinyl of your favorite The Smiths song. You walked over to the record player, just in time when Queen had sung the last lines to Don't Stop Me Now.  Anton crept up behind you and laid his hands on your shoulders.

“That song reminds me of the time when I first fell for you.” he would whisper in your ear.

You turned your head and looked up at him with raised brows. “Really?”

“Yeah. I've liked you since freshman year. I can remember very vividly. I felt so tired from training at the time and kinda hated that I still had to go to school the next morning. I was sleeping in the classroom during lunch time, and, like, I had my head down and couldn't see anything, then I suddenly heard you singing 'There's a light, and it never goes out'.” Anton sang the last part right into your ear.

When the record started to play the song, you turned around to face him.

“How'd you know it was me if you couldn't see?” you posed him a question followed by a low chuckle.

“That's the thing. I wanted to know who it was so bad, but I didn't know how. I'm still a total loser at the end of the day.” His words got you shaking your head at a mild pace, laughing. “I guess it took me about 3 weeks to figure it out. You would always sing it randomly. At some point I thought you were doing it on purpose to get to me.”

Disbelief was displayed on your face as you looked at him. “Wow, I can't— why would I even try to 'get to you' when you never even talked to me unless you really needed to.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. It's just that —well, I just thought you were like the other girls back then that snuck love letters underneath my desk and stuff.” your smile grew to a cackle that infected him.

The sweet sound of your harmonious laughter and the music marked another halcyon for the two of you to look back on.

“Okay 'Mr. Chick-magnet'.” you joked as you hugged his waist and buried your face in his chest.

As a response, he wraps an arm around your body, and the other would reach behind your head, caressing your hair as the two of you slowly and subtly swayed to the music. 

You two have been together for almost 3 months now. Not much has changed since then other than being more open and touchy with each other and no longer caring if people gave you piercing looks for being so enamored towards each other.

The record store would end up being a hotspot for you two —though, it would only be when you weren't able to go to your grandfather's flower fields. The record store owner grew fond of seeing you and Anton lost in each other's visage, and the music. He saw the way you would stare into each other's eyes and wondered what kind of film played in them to cause so much immersion from the two of you. 

“I thought it was easy to play the cello.” you mumbled against his chest.

“Yeah. It is, you just don't know how.” you giggled at his light-hearted retort.

You looked up at him with gleaming eyes.

“Am I a bad teacher?” he asked softly.

“No, not at all. I guess I'm just really distracted.” a chuckle escapes his mouth by the end of your answer.

“Distracted by what?” he prodded at you with his words, and his eyes as he pressed his forehead against yours.

You grin knowing both you and him already know the answer to that.

“By you.”

He took you to his house after another one of his swimming matches. Well, it was actually his mom who had asked you to come to their home for dinner and drove you along. Anton wordlessly thanked his mom for inviting you over, he wanted to do so himself, but he got scared you would decline. 

After dinner, he took you to his room and there you finally saw the cello that would always be in the background when you two facetimed, that he sometimes would play to you through call. He played you your favorite ballad and asked you to sing to it. His mind would adrift from the walls of his room and would follow the mist of your dulcet voice. You loved the way he closed his eyes as he played, and how he'd slowly flutter his eyes open to meet yours. His sobriety shattered as he got drunk in your grace and how your head would tilt to peek in his reverie, and it almost slipped out of his mouth —I love you, but something held him back.

After a while, he would go on to teach you. He'd position himself behind you, and guide your hands with his own. His hands would linger on your skin which made you unable to follow his directions or comprehend anything he said clearly.

After everything that went down, he truly never wanted to let go of your hand as you stepped into the gate of your own home. His smile urged you to drag him along with you, but you resisted, and gave him a quick peck on his cheek before saying goodbye.

“You know when you'd always lecture me on the lessons I can't understand?” 

You and Anton were now seated on the little sofa in the store, you laid your head on his shoulder as he played with your hands.

“Hmm~ what about it?” you asked him back.

“At some point I constantly lied about not getting it so you can teach me over and over again.” he says, almost in a laugh, laying his head against yours.

“Are you saying that because I jokingly called you stupid one time…” you felt him frantically shake his head.

“No! I'm being for real.” he laughed.

“Yeah, okay…” you kept your wary tone from which he dragged your hand near his mouth and bit it lightly. “What are you doing?” 

You two were giggling against each other. It was only with each other that you reached true serenity. You were lucky to have the record store all to yourselves. It would always be empty —at least at the times you'd visit— as if it was being reserved for the two of you. 

————— ୨୧ —————

You sat on your desk, typing out an essay given by your English teacher as an assignment to be submitted the next day. You hopped on a call with your friends who were given the same assignment.

“Our essay topic is just 'memories', she just gave us that word, said nothing else about it and left!” Yuna grumbled.

“Tell me about it. Anyways, what topic was given to your class Y/n?” Liz asked.

“Love. Just love.” you replied, continuously typing on your laptop.

“Dang. That's kinda easy.” you couldn't help but grin at the slight frustration in Liz's voice.

“'Memories' is not that bad. You're both school journalists, you can do it!” you gave them words of encouragement in hopes that they'd start to restlessly type too.

“Okay, okay. Game mode on.” 

You couldn't stop your lips from forming a smile as you read through what you had already typed. The only reason this was easy for you was because of the given topic. It gave you the opportunity to give an answer to the life-long question you've had in your head. 

“Finally finished! I feel so tired. I'm gonna head out first, I might bang my head against my desk if I don't go to sleep, bye lovies! See you tomorrow!” Danielle yawned before leaving the call.

“Me too guys hehe.” Yuna spoke. 

“Y/n? you're still not done?” Xen asked.

“Yep. Just doing revisions. I'll be done in a few minutes.” you were in fact not done, not doing revisions just yet, you just had a lot to say.

“Well, let's end the call and get some sleep. Go to sleep as soon as you finish, yeah?” you looked over to your phone screen and gave Xen a dozy nod. “Okay, bye babes!”

“Bye-bye!”

“See y'all tomorrow!”

You turned your attention back to your essay, deep in thought. An idea suddenly crossed your mind. You would finish your essay, but would end up sleeping way later as your head ran with thoughts about tomorrow.

————— ୨୧ —————

[Day 100]

You woke up to your mom assisting you to the kitchen to eat breakfast. Your temperature spiked up and you felt light-headed the whole time. It was still early in the morning, but you were already receiving sought messages from your friends, including Anton. 

You chuckled before getting up from where you sat. You realized it would take you all the strength you had to get to your room to retrieve your laptop, still, you persisted and was back in the kitchen with your laptop within minutes. You hurriedly sent him the file, but then you remembered. You had intended to give it to him after it had been graded by your teacher —as a love letter. It sounds cheesy, but there's more to that. It contains your genuine thoughts and feelings, the big and the small that you languished over, and most importantly, it contains the words both you and him have yet to utter. 

It was really only recently when you'd find yourself thinking about it. Maybe it's too early —was enough to shut down your thoughts. It had only been 2 months, but you happily embraced his affection, his words, his voice, his touch, every moment with him felt enchanting to you. You were certain he felt the same and he would often express it with his eyes and the placement of his hands and indirectly if he was being vocal. The shared passion for one another was undeniable, and it only seems to be growing more and more as time goes by that even after the first heated argument you've had with him a while back, you two were able to recover and came out better than ever. 

“Eat well hun'. It's better if you lay for the rest of the day.” your mom went over to you to caress your hair.

She had decided to call in sick for work to take care of you today, and you couldn't be more thankful.

You did what your mom advised you to and the whole day, you laid on your bed as you listened to the playlist Anton put together for you for your first monthsary to help you sleep or relax yourself. 

————— ୨୧ —————

When you woke up, the sun was already setting. You weren't feeling any better from when you had fallen asleep which frustrated you a bit. You stood up and stayed there for a little bit, feeling dizzy. You suddenly heard a knock at your door. You weren't sure if it was your hazy mind making up the sounds or if it was real, but you still took weak steps to the door to answer it.

“Tonii?” you were engulfed in Anton's arms the moment you opened the door. “Why are you here?”

Anton didn't speak and led you back to your bed. 

He had that look in his eyes again. It was the same eyes you saw that night at the flower fields. 

“I love you too.”

Your heart was throbbing loudly and it was the only thing you could hear right after Anton's voice faded into your soul. 

He didn't wait for you to respond as he knew you were feeling too weak to continuously speak, and so he cupped your cheek with his hand, while the other held your hand as he leaned in for his lips to slowly collide with yours.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

It was Anton's first time going into the student council office without you. He stood by the printer quietly trying to brush off the student council officers eyeing him as if he was eating up all the printing paper. He immediately rushed out once he got your essay printed. 

He still couldn't believe the length of your essay as it was three pages long, even then, he was intrigued and wanted to read what you had put that made it so lengthy. 

He decided to stay back in the classroom a little longer when lunch came around. He sat on his seat with his back against the wall next to him and started to read. 

What's it like to love? an atypical query to have as a child, as you would think most in the age of innocence could only make time and thought for leisure and the attainment of joy, but young minds are always curious. The very first time I caught a glimpse of love was in the form of a field of flowers…

Anton was hooked and mesmerized with your potency.

…It was from it that I realized that if you truly loved, any ounce of pain, blood, or sweat will be overlooked. I failed to completely understand it back then, throughout my years of adolescence, I've had my fair share of misfortunes when it came to love. I was easily convinced that what I was feeling during those times were love despite the lack of sincerity from those who had taken my heart for granted. It took some time to accept that being 'young and stupid' is not just a phrase being thrown around as an excuse, but it's an indication of vulnerability. I had my time to heal and embarked on a journey to self-betterment, and I thought maybe love is waiting for me at some other point in my life, and this thought would later be contradicted…

Anton flipped over to the next page with a vivid mind.

…I am admittedly afraid of what the future holds. This man that had me smitten was one I never even acknowledged fully until much later. I had no idea what took so long for me to see him when he's been around since I've begun recklessly handing my heart out to others. To think back, if I had handed him my heart back then, maybe I would've been spared from all the tears I have shed because I know he would hold it dearly, close to his own…

…feelings I have never felt before, that I never even knew of, are now all I yearn for when the sky's painted black. It was with him that I understood what it was truly like to be appreciated, to be loved with no conditions. It's a pain to think that it could all disappear with a blink of an eye, but when he holds me close and looks into my eyes, I am assured. What's it like to love? to love, is him. It is he, my love, my one and only. I had liked you for 100 days, and today I declare, I love you, Anton Lee.

Your words plunged deep into his heart. Seeing his name after those words made him feel dazed, warm and just so, so in love. He wanted to see you, to feel you. He looked over to your empty desk and could see the specter of your smile against the light of the sun.

It had seemed as though you had written him a love letter with not much intention of receiving a high mark for your sleepless effort. But even if this task was not assigned, you would still plan on expressing everything you had written to him directly, for the 100th day. 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

You pushed Anton away gently, and very weakly so. You weren't able to actually make him back away, but he got the message and pulled back. 

“You're gonna get sick too.” you faintly voiced out your worry. 

Anton bit his lip and proceeded to make the heat in your body rise even more as he smiled. He gently pulled you closer to him, laying your head on his chest and wrapping you with his warm embrace.

“I love you so much.” he uttered under his breath, burying his face in your hair.

You just remained quiet, and snuggled even closer to him. Your arms would lazily make their way around his neck, and you would look up and express your love with your lips once more.

Anton went home with a sanguine tint on his cheeks, feeling so warm and fuzzy inside. Let's just say the warmth would become more literal than figurative, and you would definitely be the one to visit him the next day.

Fin.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

[sjsmith56]

Making It Clear

Summary: Bucky’s girlfriend reminisces about their relationship while he is on a long mission. She also recalls how one member of the Avengers tried to bring her down.

Characters: Bucky Barnes, named OFC, Sharon Carter, Sam Wilson

Warnings: Body shaming, self esteem issues, bullying behaviour, gaslighting.

Author notes: Set post-FATWS. Captain America 4 and Thunderbolts* have not happened. Instead, the Avengers were restarted with Sam and Bucky as the leaders. This happens a couple of years after that. A certain MCU woman character is the antagonist.

📚 ☕️ 🥙

It had been two weeks since most of the team went on the mission. Two weeks since I last spoke to Bucky. Two weeks since we last made love. We had only been living together for six months, six glorious months where I finally believed that I found a diamond in the rough. I was in love and with everything he said and did, I believed he was falling in love with me.

I'm not an Avenger. I'm nothing special, just an ordinary woman who was doing an ordinary job of working in a used bookstore in New York, one of two jobs I held: the other transcribing doctor's audio notes into a readable file, then uploading it into the healthcare database. I could do it from home, which suited me fine. One morning, as I was working at the bookstore, I became aware of the most beautiful man I've ever seen glancing at me as he looked at some books. Our eyes met and I felt a pull to his blue ones unlike any other connection I've ever had with a man. I smiled; he smiled back, then he smiled again when he brought his small stack over to buy the books he had chosen.

"Nice selection," I said, as I rang them through.

I looked at the hardcover illustrated one about the horse Seabiscuit. I thought it was an unusual choice, although it was a good book. He noticed my attention on it.

"I actually saw Seabiscuit race," he said. I looked at him strangely. "I'm Bucky Barnes. I was a young man then." He placed a gloved hand on the book cover. "It brings back good memories."

"You are really him," I stated. "You're different than you seem on TV. You're smiling, for starters."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the media. Sometimes I feel as if they're waiting for me to screw up so they can point the finger and say I should never have been pardoned." He shrugged and looked around. "A bookstore is one of my safe places."

"$25.67, please. I've never seen you here before."

He offered his bank card and placed it on the terminal. "I only just found it this morning, but I think I'll be here more often."

Producing a cloth bag out of his pocket, he held it open while I slid the books and receipt into it. He nodded his head and turned to go to the door then looked back.

"What's your name?"

"Robyn."

He smiled again, his almost perfect white teeth showing briefly. "It's nice to meet you, Robyn. I'll see you next time."

That was how we met and true to his word, the next time was five days later, when he returned with his cloth shopping bag. I heard the bell on the door ring and got up from where I was rearranging a shelf. He was there at the end of the aisle.

"Hi, you're back," I said, saying the first thing that came to mind.

"I am. I finished the books. The Seabiscuit book was good. Do you have other sports books that might interest me?"

I smiled. "Well, I took the liberty of looking you up on the internet." He raised his eyebrows. "Not the bad stuff. The good stuff from before the war. You were a boxer." He nodded. "There's a book called The Sweet Science by A.J. Liebling. It was published in 1949, after you were declared dead, but it's considered one of the best books about boxing around."

I walked behind the front desk and opened the cupboard, pulling out a stack of books. Finding the boxing book, I put it on the counter for him. He smiled that brilliant smile again and picked it up, reading the back cover, then opened it and scanned the first few pages.

"That looks good. What else do you have there?"

"You'll like this one, even though most of the story happens after the war. It's called The Boys of Summer. It's about the Brooklyn Dodgers until the 1955 World Series. There's some criticism that it's too worshipful in tone but for a loyal fan of the Dodgers it's supposed to be an excellent read."

His eyes lit up and he picked it up, reading the back, then the first few pages of the first chapter.

"You're batting 2 for 2 so far, sweetheart," he said, then he looked at me. "Sorry, bad habit. I know women now don't care for those nicknames."

"I don't mind," I smiled back. "It reminds me of my grandpa." He made a face at me, which made me laugh. "I'm not saying you're old enough to be my grandpa because it's true that you are. You're just from a different time, that's all. It doesn't offend me."

The next book was The Natural, by Bernard Malamud. I described it to him, telling him it was made into a pretty decent movie as well. Sticking with baseball, I showed him Shoeless Joe, by W.P. Kinsella, and described the plot.

"They made a movie out of that called Field of Dreams," I said. "Whenever I'm home and it comes on, I watch it with my dad. Even though there are differences from the book it makes me cry every time." I put the final book in front of him. "This is No Cheering in the Press Box. The editor interviewed 24 sportswriters who were active between World War I and World War II. They basically just talk about the memorable sporting events and athletes they wrote about. Oh, and there was a movie about Seabiscuit based on the book you bought but the book was better, in my opinion."

He sifted through the five books then pushed them all towards me. "Ring them up. I'll take them all."

I scanned the barcode on the back of each book through as he watched me.

"You're not full time here," he noted.

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "I have another job that's almost full time, but I do it at home. This one gives me spending money. New York's expensive."

"Yeah, it is, but I still like the energy," he answered. "How much do I owe you?"

"$54.35." He put his cloth bag on the counter, and I packed the books while he placed his bank card on the terminal. "I hope you like them."

"I'm sure I will. If you want to pick out some books on science and technology for next time I would appreciate it. I'm still trying to catch up on what I missed."

It looked like he was going to ask me something else then he nodded politely and left the store. I went back to rearranging that shelf, then a few moments later heard the bell on the door ring. Just as I started to rise, he was there, offering me a hand up. It was a nice gesture and I thanked him. He stood awkwardly for a moment then took a deep breath.

"If you're not busy sometime I would like to have coffee with you, if you want, and you're not busy yourself. I can imagine two jobs keep you busy but I found it easy to talk to you and I just don't like going through the dating apps and judging people based on a photograph. If you don't, it's okay."

His voice trailed off and he looked so vulnerable for a long moment.

"I would like that, too, except I'm a tea drinker," I said. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at my schedule. "I'm free at 5 today. We could make it drinks and a light meal, maybe? There's a nice bistro around the corner that makes good coffee, tea, and great paninis."

The smile that erupted out of his face was so sweet and I could feel my stomach do a little flip flop at the sight of it.

"Yeah, that would work. Shall I meet you here and we walk over together?"

"Sure, but let's exchange numbers, just in case something comes up. I imagine that in your line of work you're on call all the time."

Agreeing with that he produced his phone and handed it to me so I could enter my information in his contacts. He texted my number and watched as I saved it to my list. Then with a wave he left the store and I returned to that shelf.

Bucky showed up at 4:55, walking in as I was finishing with a customer. He smiled at both of us, then stood at a shelf, looking at the selection, until I walked the customer out, locked the door, and pulled the blinds down on the windows and door.

"I just have to put the cash into the safe," I said. "The owner will be in tomorrow morning and will do the tally for the bank deposit."

After I printed off the sales record and emptied the cash drawer, I opened the safe and placed all the cash in it. The door was closed, the dial on the safe was spun, and I locked the cabinet. Then I grabbed my purse and jacket, and came out to the front.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I nodded and unlocked the door so he could leave ahead of me, locking both locks on it, then I asked for his help to pull the grate down and locked it into place. Like always, I sent a text to the owner that everything was secure for the night.

We arrived at the bistro just a few minutes later and I ordered a London Fog Tea Latte, and a chicken Caesar panini, while Bucky ordered a regular coffee and two roast beef paninis. It was common knowledge that he needed more food due to being a super soldier, so I wasn't surprised. We took a seat outside in the shade of the awning and waited for our food.

It was one of the best dates I had ever been on. Bucky was charming, in an old-fashioned way. He didn't monopolize the conversation, instead he asked me a lot of questions about myself. When I did ask him something he got nostalgic, but not in a complaining way. There were just things that he missed from before and he was sorry they didn't last.

"What about new things?" I asked, as our food was served. "What do you like about the present?"

"Food," he said, immediately, as he took an appreciative bite of his panini and smiled as he chewed before he spoke again. "Some things were better then but things like this, and the variety that's available is good. Healthcare is better. I mean, so many things were bad then, like cancer, tuberculosis, polio, and diseases that needed better antibiotics which didn't exist yet to be cured." He shrugged a little. "I prefer the old music but I'm making my way through the newer stuff and finding out what I like."

"I don't think they do romantic songs well now, not like they used to," I commented. "It's more about sexual attraction instead of the emotions, although there are still a few singers of the old stuff. I remember watching my grandparents dance at weddings when they played the old stuff and it was sweet, you know? It was romantic that they still felt the same way even after so many years." He got a pained look in his eyes for a moment, and I wondered if he was remembering something sad. "What were you like then? I've seen the pictures of you in your uniform and you were, and still are a handsome man. You looked so confident."

"Yeah." His voice softened. "I went out a lot, dancing. I was popular, mostly because I didn't kiss and tell. A woman's reputation was everything and it was easy to destroy if someone said something that really wasn't their business. I'm more introverted now as I don't have much in common with most people. I've had a few relationships, but they fizzled out and I never really figured out why as they said it was them, not me. Hard to believe that when you hear it several times."

"You like books," I replied. "That's a big plus for me. You're polite, attentive, and you have manners. That puts you above a lot of guys in my generation."

"You don't date much?" I shook my head, then took another bite of my panini. "They must be idiots. I think you're interesting and I'd like to see you again."

His words made me feel warm inside and I smiled at him. "I'd like that, too."

After we finished, we walked around, talking some more, then Bucky saw me home, sitting on the train with me. When we got to my apartment door, he hesitated for a moment then he gently brushed his lips against mine and watched as I entered, telling me to wave from the window when I was safely inside.

That was the beginning of our relationship, and it was wonderful as it developed over the first two months. We saw each other whenever we could, even if he sometimes just came and sat in my apartment to read as I worked on my medical transcriptions. He always made sure I had something to eat and drink while I was doing that. Sometimes, he would massage my shoulders when it looked like I was stressing out over some of the more unintelligible voice recordings, as accuracy in the transcription was paramount.

The first time he stayed over was incredible, as it started to rain hard while he was there. I wasn't going to send him out into the rain, so we made soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. When the power suddenly stopped, we made out, which led to our first time together, which led to him staying over. He was so giving, wanting to make sure that I was satisfied before he was. I can honestly say he made love better than any man I had ever been with, not that I had a lot of experience in the matter. It didn't matter, I was falling in love with him and by the words he said to me, the feeling was mutual.

My world fell apart a little just over two months after we started dating when the bookstore was broken into overnight, robbed, then set on fire. I wasn't working that day, but my boss phoned me in tears that someone would destroy her livelihood like that. Bucky came with me in the middle of the night to comfort her, as we watched the fire department try to save what they could, which ended up being nothing. Even with the insurance, she couldn't afford to reopen it and I was out of one of my two jobs. Two weeks later, the medical transcription service I worked for was sold to a conglomerate, who promptly terminated the contracts of over half the staff, me included. Because it was a contract position, there was no severance pay. It wouldn't be long until my savings ran out and when it did, I would be homeless.

"Move in with me," offered Bucky. "The suite I have at the tower is huge and I'm sure you can get on with the support staff there. All I have to do is ask Pepper Stark."

"Bucky, I don't want to use you like that." I appreciated it but it seemed wrong to use his friends to get another job and I didn't want to impose on him. "I'll find something. I can manage on my own."

He looked at me with a strange, soft smile on his face.

"The thing is, you don't have to. You're more than qualified to work at the tower and we're together so much already that I feel like we're already living together. Please, let me help the most important person in my life."

My interview with Pepper Stark went well, and I got a job, a good job, in the IT department. She even paid for my things to be moved into Bucky's apartment, although most of the furniture went into storage because his apartment was furnished already. Almost everyone was welcoming to me and I felt comfortable there.

There was one person who seemed friendly at first, but I found when Bucky went on longer missions that she wasn't on, she could be a little cold. Sharon Carter, who was apparently related to Steve Rogers' girlfriend from World War II, was beautiful, smart, and a very capable operative. As a CIA liaison with the Avengers, she was often sent on undercover assignments, with various Avengers, occasionally Bucky, to infiltrate secure places. In front of him and the others she was very complementary to me. But when they were away and we were alone, or with some lesser agents, she would make comments that could be seen as snide or hurtful, although she always worded them in a way that made me wonder if I was just imagining it.

Once, I came back from working out. I knew I wasn't at the level of fitness most of the agents or Avengers were. I just did stuff to keep active and Bucky never said anything to the contrary. On that day, I felt good about what I did, actually pushing myself with the weights. I stopped to get a bottle of water from the communal fridge. I took my sweaty T-shirt off and was in my sports bra and leggings. Sharon sat at the table, reading something on a tablet. As I walked past her, she hummed.

"I don't mean to be critical or anything," she said, in that confident voice she had. "Are you gaining weight?" I looked at her as if I couldn't believe she would say that. "It's just that you seem to have a bit of a muffin top forming. Maybe you shouldn't be eating ice cream for a snack so often. Just a word of advice. Bucky likes his women fit."

That was the first time I ever felt misgivings about my body. Even though I knew I looked good, she planted a seed of doubt in my head that day. Ignoring her, I left for our apartment and stripped down, looking at myself naked in the mirror. I grasped my midsection and tried to see where the muffin top was. I couldn't see it and even though I dismissed the thought, it percolated in my head, and I found myself cutting back on my food during the rest of the week. When Bucky returned, he made a big show of picking me up and holding me tight as he kissed me. There was a mirror wall and I glanced at it, seeing Sharon while he was doing it. She was jealous; it was clearly all over her face that she wanted Bucky. During dinner with everyone, she was polite again. As soon as we finished Bucky and I went to our apartment, locked ourselves in and didn't come out until morning. I wanted to ask him about Sharon, but something stopped me.

"Robyn, are you alright?" Bucky was looking at me as we brushed our teeth. "You seem off."

"I just missed you," I replied. "I'm glad you're back."

"Me, too," he smiled. "We have a lot of catching up to do. I've missed this."

He wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my neck. Then he frowned.

"Have you lost weight?"

"I don't know," I lied. "Maybe I've been grabbing food on the go while I'm working instead of stopping for a meal."

"Don't lose anymore," he said, softly. "I like you with something extra to hold. You've got a beautiful body."

His words soothed me, and I felt better. Our relationship progressed and we said the "love" words to each other often. The time apart while he was on missions was hard, but he bent over backwards to make it up to me on his return. Sharon made little comments when he wasn't around, but I ignored them as best I could. That lasted until he had to go on a long mission again, this mission that he was currently on. Thankfully, Sharon wasn't at the tower as she was on assignment in Los Angeles. But the day before Bucky got back, she walked into the common room, where I was sitting alone, minding my own business. She flopped onto the sofa next to me then looked over.

"You changed your hair."

"Just got it cut."

"It looks alright, I guess. Has Bucky seen it?"

"On FaceTime. He likes it."

"Oh." She was quiet for a moment. "Maybe when he gets here, he'll change his mind."

I shouldn't have let what she said bother me, but something flipped inside me at that moment, and I turned to her, glaring in anger.

"What is your problem? Why do you say things like that?"

"Like what? They're just observations. Whether you listen to them or not, isn't my problem." I got up to get away from her, but she just had to have the last word. "You know his relationships don't last. Something always goes wrong. It just depends on when you realize that he's not cut out for something long term."

I kept going until I got into the apartment. Then I cried, feeling stupid that I let her words hurt me. All the old insecurities from her first hurtful comments came up and even though I knew I should just let it slide off me, something must have hit the mark because I couldn't let it go. That night I slept terribly, unable to put her words out of my head. Eventually I fell asleep for a bit but was awakened by the sensation of someone getting into bed with me. With a start I sat up, only to see Bucky smiling sheepishly at me.

"You're back early!"

"We left early, and I flew at top speed to get back sooner," he said, reaching out to caress my face. "Was hoping to be with you before you left for work."

I clutched at him, kissing him frantically, until he laughingly pulled me off of him. Then he looked closer at me and saw how tired I still appeared. Immediately his whole mood changed into something more serious and concerned.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked. "Didn't you sleep last night?"

I looked down and shook my head. He waited to hear more.

"Sharon got into my head, and I couldn't shake it off."

"She what?" His voice hardened. "What did she say to you?"

"It was nothing."

"Robyn, it wasn't nothing if it bothered you. If you don't tell me then I have to ask Friday for a playback."

I explained how her comment on my haircut triggered me into confronting her and she gaslighted me into making it my fault I was offended. His face went steely. Then, haltingly, I told him what she said about him and relationships; that he wasn't cut out for something long term.

"How long?" I looked at him blankly. "How long as she been messing with your head?"

I told him about the snide comments about my appearance, and lack of fitness. It all came pouring out of me in a torrent. By the last words I was crying and he held me, pulling me onto his lap while he kissed me and told me over and over how much I meant to him. When my crying finally slowed down to shaky breaths and occasional sniffles, he placed his hand under my chin and raised my face to view his.

"Understand this and believe it," he murmured. "I love you. Living with you has made me feel like a new man and I wake up every morning smiling because I know that you're here with me. I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. That's not a proposal but it is a promise that someday, sooner rather than later, I'll ask you properly to marry me." He kissed me sweetly on the lips then he took another audible breath. "Sharon Carter is another matter. I turned her down once because I honestly don't like her. She's a good operative and I've had her back while she's had mine. But she's got a mean streak in her that comes out without warning, and she doesn't care who it hurts. My last girlfriend before you, said something about Sharon and then left, not wanting to elaborate. I didn't put it together then I met you and put it out of my mind." He looked up at the ceiling. "Friday, can you compile recordings of any interaction between Sharon and my previous girlfriends and with Robyn. Specifically, any that involve criticism of the relationship between them and me? Include any comments that were critical of the girlfriends."

I looked at him in a new light. "You think it was her who sabotaged your relationships?" He nodded. "She planted the seeds of doubt and watered them every chance she got." I rubbed my face. "She wants you for herself."

"It's never going to happen." His tone was firm, then softened as he gazed at me. "I have what I want right here, right now."

I unbuckled his tac suit jacket, slipping it off his shoulders then tugged his singlet off between tender kisses and caresses from both of us. He took off the rest and showed me how much I meant to him in the best way possible. All my fears about us were dealt with and we slept afterwards wrapped together for several hours. When I woke up to get ready for my job, he let me shower alone. When I came out, he went in for a quick shower then dressed.

"Let's go for breakfast," he said. "I have a video to show everyone."

Together we came out to the common kitchen and dining area where everyone was making or eating breakfast. Sharon was sitting at the table with a pastry and coffee, pretending not to notice us but Bucky made sure he had his arm around me and kissed my head often. He made me a tea and gestured for me to sit at the table while he brought our food. It was close to Sharon, but I ignored her. Bucky brought our food then went back and poured himself a coffee, sitting next to me.

"I do like your hair like this," he said, running his eyes over it. "It looks even better than it did on FaceTime. What do you think, Sharon?"

"It's fine," she answered, as if she were bored.

"I guess fine is better than alright," he said, looking straight at her. "That was the actual term you used, wasn't it?"

"I dunno."

"You know, maybe it's because I was out of practice or maybe it's because I thought we were colleagues, but I never once thought that you would stoop so low as to try to sabotage my relationships."

She made it seem like he was boring her then looked at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Let me refresh your memory then. Friday, playback video compilation from this morning."

The large wall screen came to life and a series of videos began of Sharon with Bucky's earlier girlfriends. Everyone stopped talking and watched in confusion, with open mouths, as they heard her say some nasty things to the other women. There were many comments about their hair, weight, lack of style, lack of fitness, but mostly how Bucky wasn't capable of being in a long-term relationship with anyone because of his PTSD, or because he was more interested in playing the field. To her credit, she sat there and took it, although her face hardened throughout the playback. When the video got to what she said to me, I could feel the mood in the room turn completely against her. Sam Wilson, who hadn't said anything until then, finally stood up and looked at her with daggers.

"I think you should put in for an immediate transfer to another agency," he said. "By what I've seen and heard just now I don't think anyone wants to partner with you on any missions. Whatever trust we may have built up with you during and since the Flag Smashers is gone, by your own actions."

She breathed out angrily and stood up, looking briefly at all of them, then finally on Bucky and me. With a shake of her head, she left the table and the room. Sam advised Friday to lock her out of any systems that required clearance. As far as he was concerned, she had no clearance with the Avengers anymore. Then he looked at me and Bucky.

"All of us can see what you mean to each other. You make Bucky happy and that means a lot to all of us. I'm sorry we didn't know about her behaviour sooner. It was unacceptable."

He left to file a formal complaint about Sharon and why he fired her summarily. Others came to offer hugs to me and even Bucky, who took them. We sat back down to finish our breakfast. I couldn't help it, but the tears began again. He put his knife and fork down, then turned towards me, cupping my face in his hands. Gently, he wiped the tears from my cheek then kissed me on the lips. He didn't say anything, just gazed at me so lovingly that I stopped crying and nodded that I was okay. It was the truth. I was great. In front of me was someone I loved very much, and he loved me just as fiercely. Whatever the future brought we would face it together.

One Shots Masterlist

Please support the author by reblogging.

[luvangelbreak]

Deprived | Three

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 matthew sturniolo x layla venita (female!oc) summary: everyone knows the story of the bad boy and the good girl but what happens when the school's most popular boy, Matthew Sturniolo, and the girl who notoriously is never there, Layla Venita, cross paths. warnings: swearing, smoking (cigarettes) word count: 3.4k a/n: thank you so much for the love on this series!! just letting y'all know it's gonna be a slow burn so it's gonna be quite the long series. also made this chapter a bit longer so pls lmk if you like the longer chapters. things will get more exciting from here dw. love you all <3

pov: layla

I was planning on staying at school the whole day, I truly was. But when I felt more eyes on me than usual and murmurs surrounded me with every step I took, I decided I didn't have the energy to endure the whole day. I would skip my next two lessons and come back after lunch, considering I skipped my last two lessons yesterday and the whole point of me being here was to not get expelled for missing too many lessons.

Matt and Chris talked amongst themselves behind me as I walked to my locker but stopped earlier than when I reached it considering theirs were a fair distance from mine. I swung my locker open, still hearing murmurs of my name as people passed by me and I sighed, resting my head on the small shelf inside my locker. I looked across the hallway to see Matt talking to both of his brothers now, looking like they were having a serious conversation.

I pulled my bag out of my locker, swinging it onto my shoulder before I slammed the door closed louder than I usually would out of frustration. People turned to look at me and I slid my hood on, walking down the hallway as people started filtering out for their next class. I walked out the front door without being stopped by anyone, a breath of relief leaving me but once I noticed how hard it was raining, my shoulders slumped slightly.

I couldn't be bothered walking all the way home and back, especially in this rain but I also couldn't stand being at school at the moment. Amidst my thoughts and pulling my pack of cigarettes out of my bag along with my silver zippo lighter, I hadn't noticed the doors of the school opening.

"Hey, social butterfly," Matt appeared beside me, his hair now covered by a black baseball cap. I placed a cigarette between my lips, throwing the packet in my bag before lighting the end of it, "You're gonna smoke that here?"

"Social butterfly?" I asked, not responding to his question verbally as I took puffs of the cigarette.

"The first thing that came to mind," he shrugged, leaning his back against the brick wall behind him.

"Don't you have a class to get to, Captain?" I asked, sarcasm in my tone as he smirked at me. I made sure to blow the smoke away from his face as I spoke since I knew how much it pissed most people off.

"Don't you?" he retorted and I rolled my eyes, looking out at the rain-filled car park in front of me, "Where you going?"

"Don't know," I shrugged, not looking over at him as I spoke, "Can't stand being here but I can't be fucked walking home and back."

"Why don't you wanna be here?" he asked, his question sounding genuinely curious rather than prying.

"Because people can't shut their fucking mouths about me," I answered more harshly than intended before I looked to my right at him, noticing he was looking at the cigarette in my hand, "You want one?"

"Oh no. I don't- I've never..." he trailed off, shaking his head making me snicker to myself.

"Of course not," I mumbled, taking another hit before I let my right-hand drop to my side again, flicking the ash on the floor. Suddenly, the cigarette had been taken from my hand and Matt held it between his lips, taking a long drag.

He exhaled the smoke before he started coughing, holding his chest in the process making me chuckle at him. I took the cigarette from his hand, his cold rings brushing my fingers as I did so.

"You good?" I asked, amusement written on my face and he nodded, coughing lightly, "Went a bit hard for your first time there, pretty boy."

He had a pained look on his face as he looked over at me while I took another drag, looking out at the rain that didn't seem to stop, "How do you do that? It's not even enjoyable."

With a shrug, I said, "Just habitual at this point."

A silence fell between us for a few moments before Matt asked, "You hungry?"

"What?" I asked, pure confusion on my face as I looked at him and he pushed away from the wall.

"I wanna go to McDonald's. You might as well come with," he answered before swinging the door open to the school and walking inside. I stayed in my position, debating whether or not it's a good idea to go with him.

I didn't have any money on me but I also didn't want to stand here for the next few hours doing nothing so by the time he returned, backpack on his shoulder, I dropped the last of the cigarette on the ground. I squished it with my feet before turning to him.

"I don't have any money for food," I told him honestly and he waved me off as he grabbed his keys from his backpack.

"My treat," he answered quickly before he walked into the rain towards his car. I watched as his pace quickened and I bit my lip out of nervous habit. I shortly followed after him, jogging towards the car before I jumped in the passenger seat and swung the door closed behind me.

"I can pay you back tomorrow," I said as he started the car and he gave me a strange look as if he didn't know why I said that.

"It's just McDonald's. My bank account will live," he replied with a smirk and I shook my head.

"I'm fine to pay you back, I just don't have any money on me right now," I pushed further, never liking the idea of people buying things for me.

"Layla, I promise you it's fine. I asked if you were hungry, not if you had money to pay for your own food," he stated matter-of-factly and I pursed my lips before I slumped back into my seat. A brief pause was placed in the car before he said, "Seatbelt."

"Oh shit. Right," I clicked myself in quickly before he repeated the process of placing his right hand on my headrest, turning around and spinning the wheel with his left hand as he reversed.

"You can be on aux if you want," he said as he put the car in drive and we rolled out of the car park.

"I doubt you will like my music," I mumbled in response and he smirked, glancing at me quickly before looking back at the road.

"Try me," he answered and I raised my eyebrows, grabbing my phone from my pocket and plugging it into the aux cable. I clicked on my most recent playlist, the first song being Message in a Bottle by the Police. I looked over at Matt to study his reaction to the music, his hand tapping against the wheel lightly along to the beat.

I hummed along to the song, looking out of the window at the rain pattering along the road. As we pulled into the cark park of McDonald's, the next song began playing which was Paper Machete by Queens of the Stone Age.

"What do you want?" Matt asked as we joined the back of the small queue of cars in the drive-thru, leaning his elbow on the window as he placed his head on his hand.

"Uh..." I trailed off, trying to think of what to get since I hadn't ordered fast food in a while, "Just a large fries is fine."

"You don't want anything else? Cheeseburger or nuggets or something?" he asked and I shrugged, "You like nuggets?"

"I don't mind them," I answered truthfully and he nodded.

"You want a drink?" he asked as we rolled up slowly, only one car in front of us before we had to order.

"Just a medium sweat tea is fine," I replied and he nodded before we rolled up to order.

Matt ordered what he wanted first before ordering my fries and sweat tea but I turned my head when he said, "Oh and can I get a 20-piece nuggets as well. Thanks."

With that, he rolled up to the next window and used his phone to pay for the food before we waited.

"Do you really need 20 nuggets?" I asked and he smirked at me, leaning against his hand again.

"No that's why you're gonna have some," he answered like it was obvious and I frowned. We pulled up to the last window, grabbing our food and Matt handed me the drinks to put in the cupholder before he gave them a quick thank you. He pulled into a car park and slid his seatbelt off.

"Give me the receipt," I held my hand in the middle of the car, sliding the seatbelt off my body and he held the bag in his lap.

"Why?" he asked with a squint of his eyes and I did small grabby-hands with my hand that was reached out.

"I wanna know how much it all was," I answered honestly and he shook his head.

"You don't need to. You're not paying me back," he said with a smile as he handed me one of the large fries from the bag and placed the nuggets on the console in between us.

"Matthew. Give me the receipt," I deadpanned and he grabbed the receipt out of the bag. I was waiting for him to hand it to me but instead, he started ripping it into pieces making me groan, "You're an asshole."

"I'm an asshole because I'm paying for your food?" he asked, a smile still on his lips as I frowned at him while he began eating his food.

"You're an asshole for not letting me pay you back," I mumbled in response as I started picking at my fries.

"Have a nugget and you'll forget all about it," he shrugged, sliding the nuggets towards me slightly and I rolled my eyes, reluctantly grabbing one from the box, "When do you wanna go back?"

"Never," I instinctually answered and he just looked at me, waiting for a real response, "I don't know. I need to go back for my last two periods."

"We can go back at lunch?" he asked and I nodded in response before I turned up the volume on the radio that was still playing music from my phone. The song that was now playing was Hypnotize by Biggie and I lip-synced silently to the words as I slowly ate my food, "So you do listen to rap."

"I listen to everything," I shrugged and he hummed suspiciously making me look at him with a squint, "What?"

"Nothin'," he shrugged, an amused look on his face, "Just hear people say that a lot and they listen to the same three genres."

"Give me a genre and I'll name at least three artists I listen to," I challenged and he chuckled before turning to face me more.

"Pop," he looked at me intently.

"Lady Gaga, Billie Eilish, Beyonce," I answered easily and he nodded.

"Metal?"

"What kind of metal?" I asked, knowing he just group all heavier music together, "Nu metal would be Slipknot, Korn and Limp Bizkit. Death metal would be Cannibal Corpse, Morbid Angel and Blood Bath. Metal core would be Bring Me the Horizon, Parkway Drive and Trivium. Or heavy metal would be Black Sabbath, Pantera and Van Halen. Shall I go on?"

"Alright I got it," he chuckled before taking a sip of his drink as he thought again, "What about rap?"

"Tyler the Creator, Biggie and Trippie Red," I answered confidently and he nodded again.

"Jazz?" he asked and I snickered as he was struggling to think of more genres.

"Billie Holiday, Miles Davis and Nat King Cole," I had a cocky look on my face and he raised his eyebrows.

"Country," he stated, now looking as if he was trying to challenge me more.

"Kasey Musgraves, Zach Bryan and Shania Twain,"

"Grunge,"

"Soundgarden, Nirvana and Alice in Chains,"

"Reggae,"

"Bob Marley, Peter Tosh and Jimmy Cliff,"

"Rock,"

"Foo Fighters, that's a big one, Lenny Kravitz and Fleetwood Mac,"

"Okay, I got no more. You win," he held his hand up in surrender with an amused look on his face.

"I mean I could keep going but I'll let you think about it for a while," I answered, a small smile on my lips triumphantly. He just stared at me for a moment, unmoving as he studied my face, "What? Do I have something on my face?"

I wiped my hands around my mouth and he shook his head with a smile, "No. I've just never seen you smile before."

"Oh," I let my smile drop, feeling slightly insecure as he stared at me.

"You should do it more," he shrugged as he threw his trash in the empty bag, "You have a pretty smile."

"Alright, stop gassing me up. I just proved you wrong on so many levels," I answered, brushing off his compliment as I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Yeah, you're right. Don't wanna make your ego too big, rockstar," He answered with a chuckle and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"Rockstar?" I questioned, finishing the rest of my fries before throwing the trash in the bag he had now placed in the back seat.

With a shrug, he replied, "You like music a lot. Just seems fitting."

"You come up with the weirdest names," I stated and he smirked at me cockily.

"Don't think I didn't notice what you called me earlier," he said making me frown further in confusion, "When I was coughing my fucking lungs up. You called me pretty boy."

"At least the names I call you make sense," I rolled my eyes, trying to brush over the fact I called him that.

"So you think I'm pretty?" he asked, the mischievous look written across his face.

"Now whose ego is big," I raised my eyebrows, a small smile falling onto my lips.

"You're the one who said it!" he threw his hands out in front of him dramatically making me chuckle.

"It's fitting because you're conventionally attractive and that's why so many people love you," I shrugged, a smile still on my lips, "And plus you're captain of the hockey team. That always gets you far in popularity."

"You don't seem to care about popularity though," he stated, a questioning tone behind his words and I nodded.

"Why do you think I never talk to anyone?" I asked rhetorically before I looked out the window, "Yet people still love to talk about me."

"I mean..." Matt trailed off making me look back at him to see he was still looking at me, "I never really intended to be popular. I kinda hate it honestly."

"What's there to hate about being the most loved person in the school?" I asked with a distasteful chuckle.

"I only talk to my friends but everyone still loves to talk about me," he echoed my statement from earlier and I bit my bottom lip while nodding, "It's not all bad. Just gets annoying sometimes."

"At least people say nice things about you," I mumbled making his eyebrows furrow as he looked at me, adjusting his hair in his hat.

"Not always," he retorted making me look at him as I took a sip of my drink, "Especially with Chris being my brother and the fucking idiot he can be. Just because he's with a new girl every week, doesn't mean I am."

"Not as bad as people saying I killed my neighbour's cat," I raised my eyebrows and he pursed his lips, nodding in agreement.

"I can't argue with that one," he smiled a little bit as I bit my lip again, "How many piercings do you have?"

His sudden question threw me off but I answered regardless, "Nine."

"Wow," he seemed surprised and I now noticed the fact he had his ears pierced, the shiny silver earrings dangling from his ears.

"I have my septum, eyebrow, 3 in each ear and then my tongue," I stuck my tongue out to show him the silver bar that was through my tongue and he once again raised his eyebrows.

"Do you have any tattoos?" he asked and I nodded. Instead of explaining, I slid my leather jacket off and my black hoodie. I showed him the black and white tattoos that scattered across my arms, all for various different meanings.

"I also have a couple on my legs but kinda hard to show you those right now," I shrugged and he grabbed my wrist, pulling my left arm towards him gently as he looked at the permanent art on my skin.

"What's this one?" he asked, pointing to one of the bigger tattoos I had on my tricep.

"It's the welcome home cake from Coraline," I explained as his fingertips dragged over the tattoo raising goosebumps on my skin, studying it like he was genuinely intrigued, "My mum and I used to watch it a lot when I was little. It's always been my favourite movie."

"That's cool," he smiled at me, letting go of my wrist and I slid my hoodie back on, the cold air nipping at my skin, "I wanna get more tattoos. Where do you get yours?"

"Uh, one of my dad's friends did them. He's not licensed though so I'd recommend going somewhere that's professional," I smiled tightly before I realised I'd never noticed his tattoos, "I didn't know you had any tattoos."

"My parents said I have to wait till I graduate to get ones that are visible like on my arms and legs and stuff. But I have these on my hips," he lifted up the hem of his hoodie, sliding the waistband of his jeans down slightly to reveal two lightning bolts on either side of his waist travelling along his v-line.

"Oh wow," I took in a breath, feeling my face heat up as he slid the waistband back up and fixed the hem of his hoodie.

"I also have these on my collarbones," he announced as he pulled down the neckline of the hoodie to reveal a trail of leaves on either side of his collarbones.

I smirked as I looked at them before looking up at his face, "Big on the symmetry I see."

He shrugged in response before grabbing his drink and finishing the last of it, "I don't know what to get next."

"You gonna get any more piercings?" I asked, genuine curiosity in my words and he shrugged, "You should get a lip piercing."

"I'd have to wait till the seasons over if I get any piercings because I'd have to take it out before I play," he explained and I shrugged in response.

"It's only another month right?" I asked and he nodded in response, "Come with me when I get my lip pierced when the season is over then."

"You think a lip piercing would look good on me?" he asked, pulling his visor down to look at himself in the mirror.

"Mhm," I hummed in response as I looked at him inspecting his own face in the mirror, "Wait. I have an idea."

I unclipped one of my tiny hoop earrings from my ear, making sure to clean it a bit with the sleeve of my hoodie, "Look at me."

He turned to face me and I grabbed his chin to turn his head to the right further. I grabbed the small ring in between my fingers as he just stared at me before I mumbled, "I can't put it on if you have your mouth closed."

He let his jaw open, leaving his mouth ajar as I slid the ring over his lip. I moved it around, realising it didn't sit properly since it wasn't positioned on the inside of his lip correctly. I used my left thumb to pull his bottom lip down slightly and he looked at me intently while I slid the ring further down his lip till it looked satisfactory.

"There!" I nodded and he looked back to the mirror, tilting his head side to side to see if he liked it, "Perfect."

"Why get a piercing when I can just put on a fake one?" he asked with a smirk and I noticed the ring flash in the light as he turned to face me.

"Because fake piercings are corny," I deadpanned and he ran his tongue over the ring.

"It feels weird," he said before looking back at himself in the mirror, "But it does look good."

"Told you," I smiled at him and he shook his head with a smile on his lips.

"Should I leave it on when we go back to school and freak everyone out?" he asked, a mischievous look on his face as I pursed my lips with a nod, thinking of the shock on people's faces when the Matthew Sturniolo would walk into school with a lip piercing, or at least a fake one.

[dr-trafalgar-law]

Trafalgar Law X CisFem Reader

4

Your first night with Azul was not what you expected. It had been a long time since you had a puppy in the house. So long you forgot how much sleep gets lost. On top of being a pup she was still recovering from surgery and coming down off the pain medication before her next dose was due was difficult. The nights that followed seemed easier but perhaps you were just lost in your delirium. 

You stood at the coffee maker in the break room. 

"Are you trying to use your mind-yoi?" 

"Hmm?" you looked up at your boss as he glanced between you and the machine. 

"Oh, F/N… are you ok?"

Before you could answer he'd already switched into doctor mode, placing his hand on your forehead and looking over your clammy, paler than usual face. You thought you'd successfully covered the deep circles under your eyes - but apparently not. 

"Wha-?" you muttered, slowly registering what was happening, "I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just Azul…" a huge yawn interrupted you, making Marco chuckle.

"Ah, side effects of a puppy in recovery-yoi. Should I have Shachi help Chopper up front today so you can go home and rest?"

"No, it's ok. I'm fine really." you insisted. 

"She's sick?" Dr. Trafalgar questioned flatly, entering the room. 

"Just a little exhaustion-yoi."

"She should go home then," the other doctor murmured glancing over you and turning back to Marco. 

"I'm right here, ya know." you pouted, "I can't go home anyway - the reason I'm so tired lives with me now." 

"Just board her then-yoi. She's familiar with the staff." the blonde suggested. 

"I don't want her to think I've abandoned her." 

The slightest hint of amusement crossed the tattooed doctor's lips. 

"And we need to get used to each other." you added finally pressing the start button on the coffee machine. 

"Take a nap in overnight's office at least. I can't have my receptionist toppling over at the front desk." Dr. Newgate ordered. 

"Ok, ok. The phones quiet down between two and three. I'll have Chopper fly solo for an hour." 

Marco nodded moving to make his own cup of coffee while Law grabbed a can of tea from the fridge and exited quietly. Abandoning your coffee in the fridge for later, you made your way upfront to give Chopper the rundown. 

The overnight office was small and cold, perfect for an afternoon nap. There was a bunk bed against the back wall with a nightstand, an alarm clock and a touch lamp. The left side of the room was lined with shelves and storage bins, while the right was plastered with VetMed memes. 

You shut the door and pulled fresh blankets off the shelf before kicking off your shoes and getting comfortable on the bottom bunk. It really didn't take long to fall asleep once you got cuddled up. 

The sound of cardboard shuffling and crashing to the floor startled you. 

"Shit." The curse was so soft you thought you might've dreamt it. 

Yawning, you sat up as Trafalgar turned to pick up the box with a frustrated sigh. 

"Can I help ya with something doc?"

"That's - I didn't come in here to wake you up."

You pushed the blanket aside and stretched,"But you look like you need help." 

He reached into his scrub pocket retrieving a battery as you tapped the bedside lamp to brighten the room. 

"Where can I get this?" he redirected his gaze while you fixed your hair and slipped into your shoes. 

"What size?" you asked, stepping toward him. 

"Size?" he looked back at you confused before processing what'd you'd asked.

"Yeah," you chuckled, taking it from him, "your hands are huge, I couldn't tell if it was a double or triple A."

There was an awkward moment of silence while his ears began to burn. It was just a moment of confusion. He obviously knew batteries came in different sizes. But now he felt so stupid for pausing and you just chuckled it off like you always did. 

"We keep them in IMed*. I can show you." you offered with a small smile. 

"I have an appointment to get to." he murmured gruffly before excusing himself. 

You stood there alone with the battery in your hand not even knowing how many or for what device he needed. 

"What are you doing back here-yoi?" your boss asked as you stepped into his treatment area, "It has barely been 45 minutes."

Opening the drawer under the desk next to him you rummaged around for the box of double A batteries, "Doctor T couldn't find these." 

"So he woke you up?" The amount of outrage in his usually calm voice was almost flattering. 

"He really didn't mean to. He thought we kept them in the back office and dropped a box. Poor guy was so embarrassed he just walked out." you laughed, easing Marco's frustration. 

After collecting what you needed you made your way to Law's office. The mouse on his desk was turned upside down with the battery removed. You replaced it and set the extra you'd brought with you next to his keyboard.

"Here's a spare!" You wrote on a small post-it. 

On your way back to the lobby you stopped at the break room to retrieve your now cold coffee from the fridge. 

Chopper wasn't alone long but he had managed very well on his own. You were still tired but had enough of a nap to be able to focus on work. Luckily the afternoon picked up and you didn't have the down time to think about sleep. 

As you were preparing to close for the day and get Azul ready to go, your extension rang. 

"What's up?" you answered assuming it was one of the technicians. 

"Thank you, F/N-ya." Law's voice was soft and low. 

"Oh - uh right… the battery." you stammered feeling a little rush in your chest. 

"Yes, and I put some CBD chews in the bag hanging on Azul's kennel. That should help her wind down at night."

"Thanks doc, ya didn't have to do all that." you smiled resting the receiver against your shoulder while you powered the computer down. 

"No worries. Enjoy your evening." 

"Yeah, you too." you replied brightly. 

The last few interactions you'd had with Law were almost painfully awkward. Well, more so than usual. He was already not a very social human and reserved most of his politeness and niceties for the clients. Though on more than a few occasions someone complained that he was too cold and straight forward. All of that was fine with you until recently - you didn't have to speak with him often. Now one of his patients belonged to you. 

Perhaps you'd end up bonding with him after all. 

*Internal Medicine 

[junehart]

Hi 💐 I adore your poetry and I had a question. How would you suggest to improve poetry? I write and I've posted here as well but never received any proper feedback which I can use. Tips?

hello!!! this is so sweet, thank u for the support and i'm so honored u'd want my advice.

first of all, im gonna say poetry is a very individual thing, and what works for one person doesn't work for others. also, if u'd like me to critique specific works, i could probably be more thorough and i am so happy to do so, but that's obviously entitely up to u.

that being said, here's some things i've learned.

1. don't write what you think people will like, write what works in ur brain. this doesn't mean it has to be smth u have directly experienced, but more so an emphasis on having smth that matters to u more than smth u think others will care abt. i've found that my poems that have received the most love are the ones i thought "this is so niche and specific, i have no idea if anyone will relate to this or like this at all." as cheesy as it sounds, being honest in whatever way that works for u rlly is best

2. this is actually a rule i believe i heard abt comedy, but i find it rings very true of poetry as well: combine the specific w the broad. there are certain points of humanity i think are shown pretty much across the board. finding the very exact and nitty gritty feelings and thoughts and expressing that is usually what makes a great poem. to give an example, all of us are lonely sometimes. what makes writing abt it interesting could be writing smth like feeling lonely when u go to the grocery store, wishing u had someone to grab something from the top shelf for u and hold ur hand in the dairy aisle.

3. this is more personal preference, but i like the opening and closing lines to kinda form a circle. i don't know how to explain this exactly, but i like it all kinda come back to this point, not necessarily in words but more so in theme. i especially like when something's changed, and the same idea now has new nuance. a good example of this from my works would be in the world is ending. i began with the sentiment "there's nothing i can do about it" and ended with "it will be enough" both involve a lack of control, but where it began with helplessness, it ended with acceptance.

4. experiment!! try so many cool things!!! change up spacing and structures! try new words and phrases! use repitition! use long lines, use short phrases! the best way to find your specific writing niche is through trial and error.

5. similarly, in terms of gaining skill in writing poetry, quantity over quality. the best way to write a poem u love is to write a hundred u think are garbage. eventually u learn what works for u, but more than that, practice really does make perfect. or at least better. i started off writing the cringiest, most angsty and awful poems u can imagine. since u already have been writing and posting, u've already started this. but don't let urself get so frustrated u stop writing. writing is so beautiful and healing and wonderful. if u love it, keep it in ur heart forever and don't let it go.

this has already been so long so i think im gonna stop there. i hope this was helpful, i am by no means an expert and i am sure none of this is new advice. i bet ur writing is rlly cool!! and regardless, we all have smth worth saying, and im proud of u for saying it.

be warm and well fed

[tarditzgrade]

this is probably my last fic for greenflower week. i've got no ideas for the other prompts so i'm gonna work on compiling them into a ao3 fic that'll go up tomorrow maybe probably. besides that though

Day 4 - Healing/Hurt

Lloyd finds Brad after he got in a fight and offers to help bandage his wounds.

around 1082 words :). tw/cw for mentions of blood and violence. it's not gratuitous and the injury is kept kinda vague, but it's still there.

“I still can’t believe you got into a fight.” Lloyd called from the bathroom.

“I still can’t believe the guy had the audacity to scratch me.” Brad responded from his spot on the couch. He turned over his forearm to get a better look at the scratches that ran up it. That guy must’ve had talons on him.

Brad readjusted the ice pack Lloyd had given him earlier. Oh, how the tables had turned. Usually it was Lloyd showing up at Brad’s place in the middle of the night because he got beat up.

This time, Lloyd had found Brad beat up after fighting with some guy in the city. According to Brad’s own assessment, he thought he was fine to patch himself up, but Lloyd insisted on going with him to his place to help out.

“Where’d you say the bandages were, again?”

“Middle shelf of the cabinet. The rest of the first aid stuff should be there, too.”

“Oh, I see it.”

Several clatters could be heard following that statement, supposedly the sound of many plastic items hitting the floor.

“Sorry! I dropped a few things.”

“It’s fine.” Brad moved the ice pack he held on his side again. Maybe he should get something to put in-between him and the ice. This cold was starting to feel biting and his shirt didn’t seem to be enough. “Can you grab a small towel while you’re back there?” Brad called.

“Yup.” Lloyd responded.

Brad sighed and looked back at the scratches on his arm. None of them were too major on their own and they had all stopped bleeding a bit ago. The issue was that they were numerous. It was like he had gotten mauled by a cat, but instead it was a grown-ass man.

“Okay, I don’t know if this is all needed, but better safe than sorry, right?” Lloyd came back into the room with a few medical supplies. “Here’s the towel.”

“Thanks.” Brad accepted the towel and placed it between the ice pack and his shirt. Yeah, that felt better.

Lloyd placed the stuff he brought down on the coffee table, then pulled Brad’s arm closer to him. He grimaced. “What’d you even do to get this scratched up?”

“If you think this is bad, you should see the other guy. I think I caught him across the face once or twice.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Lloyd sat down next to Brad to look at his arm better. “Since when did you get into fights?”

“I mean, I went to Darkley’s, too, so I’m no stranger to it. But this was an exception. He started it and I was just defending myself.”

“Well, as long as this doesn’t become a pattern, I guess it’s fine. The scratches are just on this arm, right?”

“I think so.” They had already cleaned the wounds earlier, with Lloyd running Brad’s arm under the water himself. Brad, again, felt that he could’ve done all this on his own, and expressed this to Lloyd, but Lloyd asserted that he wanted to help.

Lloyd made a move for the pile of medical stuff before stopping, hesitant to select something.

“Are you okay, Lloyd?”

“Yeah, uh, do you apply ointment for stuff like this or just skip straight to the bandages?”

“…you don’t know?”

Lloyd picked up one of the tubes of ointment. “Not really. When I get hurt, I just put a bandage on it until someone else who’s better at this stuff can come look at it. Sometimes I don’t even bandage it if I’m short on time.”

“That’s usually how cuts get infected.”

“Probably,” was all Lloyd had to answer. Before Brad could fire back his concerns, Lloyd had decided on an answer to his previous question. “Y’know what? Let’s just do the ointment, anyways. It can’t hurt.”

“Are you sure?”

“Kinda.” And without further elaboration, Lloyd applied ointment to the first cut.

It didn’t hurt, and Brad didn’t expect it to. It was Lloyd’s determination that surprised him more than anything.

Lloyd worked quietly and diligently, individually rubbing ointment into each cut. Brad let him sit in silence and watched as he did. Despite his apparent ineptitude with this kind of stuff, he seemed to be fairly confident with his methods.

Occasionally, he’d ask Brad if he was doing alright or if he needed another ice pack, but Brad told him he was okay.

“Okay,” Lloyd rubbed ointment into the final wound. “I think that’s the last one. The rest are too tiny to care about.”

“If something happens with those, I’ll tell you.” Brad turned his arm over to verify what Lloyd had done. “What now?”

“Bandages, probably. Do you want, like, one big wrap or a bunch of tiny ones?”

Brad laughed at the thought of his arm riddled with tiny band-aids. “The wrap is probably more practical.”

“Okay, just making sure.” Lloyd found a roll of bandages in the pile he brought out and began wrapping it around Brad’s forearm.

“So you don’t do any of the medical stuff for the team?” Brad asked.

“Nope. Only reason I’m in the infirmary is if I’m hurt.” He tapped Brad’s arm to signal he was done.

“I think you should try helping out there more. You did a great job with this one.” He leaned over to plant a kiss on Lloyd’s cheek. “Thanks for taking care of me, green bean.”

Lloyd smiled at the nickname. “Anytime.” He gathered up all the medical supplies on the table and went to put them back in the bathroom.

Brad watched him go. Damn, he was lucky. Lloyd didn’t have to do this. He had a whole city to watch over. But instead he took the time to stop and help him out with something as small as this, even if it wasn’t entirely his forte.

What did he do to deserve someone like Lloyd?

Lloyd came back after a bit, but he didn’t sit down. “Anyways, you should rest up. Don’t forget to change the bandages after a while. And watch those bruises.”

“I will.” Brad responded. If Lloyd was gonna stop and help, Brad might as well indulge. “Do you have any plans after this?”

“Well, it's late, so no, I don’t.”

“You wanna stay the night? I’m not doing anything tomorrow morning.”

Lloyd thought about it, but ultimately agreed. “Sure. As long as it’ll keep you out of fights.”

“It probably will.”

[27dragons]

“I used to be a writer”

When I think of fanfiction writers, you’re the first one I think of.

I used to wake up excited every Saturday to read the new Sandbridge.

I smile when I see my copy of one of your books on my shelf.

Those tags were likely not meant to be self-deprecating, and I realize you mean that lately you are a lurker more than a writer, but I just really want to make sure you understand that I’ll never not think of you as a writer and one of the biggest fandom influences I’ve had.

Aw, Anon, that's such a sweet thing to say!!! (Also much love to @holistic-alcoholic, who added a very similar message to their reblog of the original poll.)

I love so much knowing that I've affected people so much and so positively.

And you are correct; I did not, in fact, mean my tags to be self-deprecating, simply factual. I haven't written regularly since late 2020, and though I enjoyed a surge of creativity this spring/summer with Sandman, I haven't written anything else since the end of July. Or even tried very much.

Last year, I was berating myself for my lack of writing productivity, but right now, I'm okay with it. Instead of writing, I've been pursuing other creative outlets -- I've been playing around with bookbinding, working on a Good Omens cross-stitch, and have just recently jumped into my brother's weekly D&D game. And entirely apart from fandom-related stuff, I did some container gardening over the summer (and made So Many pickles when I could not keep up with the cucumber vine's production), picked DuoLingo back up to try to learn some Spanish, and am teaching Thing2 how to drive. So it's not like I fell into a pit of depression and haven't been able to do ANYthing.

AO3 says I have just over 4 million words of fic posted. Even if you take into account that tisfan co-wrote a lot of that with me, that's a pretty impressive amount of writing! More than enough that I do still mostly consider myself "a writer" -- even if I never post or write another word.

Thank you so much for your lovely words of support and encouragement -- it means more than I can say that anyone thought it was worth reaching out. My readers are absolutely the best. 💛❤️🖤

[an-aroaces-harem]

Ivy Chapter 4 Normal Attire Story

DISCLAIMER: I just deepl and google translated my way through this because I wanted to know what’s going on, so there are definitely mistakes but I believe I managed the general gist of the story. Anyway, it’s just a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes. Morganatic Idol belongs to Cybird and ABC Frontier, Inc.

I was taken to a high-end brand store that sold everything from men's to women's clothing.

(I've never been in a place like this before ... but to be treated like a VIP when you have the place all to yourself is just too good to be true.)

(All the clothes are so beautiful. I bet Ivy-san would look good in all of them ...)

Rina: Ivy-san, what are you buying today?

When I asked the question without thinking, Ivy-san smiled and answered casually.

Ivy: Clothes for you.

Rina: Eh!?

I look at Ivy-san in shock at his unexpected reply.

Ivy: You've been wondering about your clothes for a while now, haven't you?

Rina: !

My heart thudded.

Ivy: You seemed a little down after what Miu and the girl yesterday said to you.

Ivy: So I thought I'd give you a gift for helping me with the distribution.

Rina: Oh, no ...

(I had no idea it was for me. And I can't believe it's a gift ...!)

Rina: That isn't needed! Knowing you feel like that is enough for me.

Ivy: Don't be shy. You can choose whatever you like. It's my way of saying thank you for yesterday.

Rina: No, that's my job ...! I can't ask you to buy me something.

I was afraid and Ivy-san laughed at me.

Ivy: Okay, if you insist, but since you're here, why don't we look at some clothes?

At his urging, I turned my attention to the clothes on display.

(So lovely ...)

(Maybe I would feel more confident if I had one of these outfits ...)

It's tough on the wallet, but this could be a great opportunity.

I looked around the store and reached for a chic navy blue one that was close at hand.

Ivy: I like that outfit, but I think you'd look better in a lighter shade.

Ivy-san called out to me.

Rina: Eh? You think so?

Ivy: Yes. For example ...

He picks a piece from the clothing on the hanger.

Ivy: How about this?

It is a fluffy, pink one-piece.

I liked the elegant and sophisticated design at first sight.

(But will I look good in such nice clothes?)

As if sensing my anxiety, Ivy-san smiles gently.

Ivy: I think the color and the design look good on you. You should give it a try.

Rina: ... Yes.

Pushed by his smile, I decided to try it on.

Surprised by the luxurious sofa in the fitting room, I changed into the dress.

Back to Ivy-san who was waiting for me and ...

Ivy: Yes, just as I thought. That color looks good on you.

Ivy-san welcomed me with a big smile.

Rina: Is that so? I feel like I'm in a costume ...

The clothes are nice, but I don't think I look as good as Ivy-san compliments me.

In the fitting room, I saw myself in the mirror, dressed in a beautiful outfit, but looking somewhat unsure of myself.

But then Ivy-san smiled at me.

Ivy: Don't make that face. It's okay. Come here.

He took me by the shoulders and led me to a shelf with accessories.

Ivy: What accessory would go best with that outfit ... this?

He took a pair of earrings and put them in my ears.

Rina: Ah ...

The feeling of a touch on my ear and a beautiful face so close to me made my heart flutter ...

Ivy: And the necklace ... yeah, I like this one.

He didn't seem to mind me.

Ivy: I'm going to change your hair a little.

Rina: O-okay.

Long fingers touch my hair, arranging it slightly.

Although I was nervous, I surrendered to what was being done to me.

Earrings, necklace, hair ornaments and bags.

He looked so serious and proceeded to coordinate me completely.

Ivy: ... That's it. Look in the mirror again.

Rina: Ah ...!

I was urged to look in the mirror. There I was, looking much more sophisticated than before.

Rina: ... Lovely.

Ivy-san smiles at the words that escape my lips.

Ivy: Do you like it?

Rina: Yes, very much.

I thought I was wearing a costume earlier, but now it looks like I fit right in.

(Is this really me?)

It felt kind of incredible.

Ivy: You can really change your look by changing your hair and accessories to match your outfit.

As if reading my mind, Ivy-san opened the door.

Ivy: Jace knows more about this stuff than I do, but I wear a lot of different costumes on stage.

Ivy: Even if it doesn't feel right when you're just wearing it, you can change your hair and accessories to make it look more comfortable.

Rina: I-I see ...

Ivy: Above all, the look on your face. Earlier you seemed to lack confidence, but now you look so much brighter.

Ivy: It's lovely.

Rina: !

The frank words of praise were heartbreaking.

Ivy: Just look up at me like that. You're so cute right now.

Ivy-san looked at me with a satisfied smile.

I can tell from the look on his face that he really thinks it looks good on me.

I felt my reliance heat up with happiness and embarrassment.

Everything he picked out for me was of a high quality that I normally wouldn't have been able to afford.

(You went through the trouble to choose it for me. At least the dress!)

I was prepared to buy in installments.

However ... I was told that Ivy-san had already paid the bill.

And not only the dress but everything I tried on.

Ivy: Don't worry about it. It was originally intended as a present.

Ivy: It makes me happy to think that I chose everything you wear.

Rina: O-oh no. I promise I'll pay you back ...!

He just laughed at my humbleness.

Ivy: I have high expectations for you in the future. First, you need to work hard, make a successful presentation, and get ahead in your job.

He jokingly says it like that.

(That's right. I must succeed in my job to get the money back!)

I was more and more determined to do my best in my presentation.

[hizerain]

Summer TBR

Given I wanted to spend the majority of my summer reading, in an attempt to recover from the tumultous spring semester and I wanted to be a bit more active on here I thought I'd keep track of my list on this post.

La Chute, Albert Camus

The Dispossessed, Urusla K. Le Guin

Finished 2 July. I really enjoyed this, it was quite an easy read but I mean that in the best way possible. It passed around a lot of interesting ideas in a way that is easily graspable and I liked the switch of perspectives between the planets/past and present.

Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov

Finished 7 July. I have had this on my shelf since 2018, and finally finished reading it. Subject matter aside, it was a surprisingly easy read as the language was surprisingly simple to comprehend and the pace, at times, rather high. It was revolting in the exact way I had anticipated and the book definitely lives up to its status as a classic.

Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami

Finished 5 July. I'm not the biggest fan of Murakami, but I enjoyed the mystery aspect of this book and the story unravelling slowly before my eyes.

The Gebroeders Kramazov, Fyodor Dostoevsky

Leadership, Henry Kissinger

Transgender Marxism, Gleeson & O'Rourke

De metamorfose van de wereld, Jurgen Österhammel

De Consultancy Industrie, Mazzucato & Collington

Finished 4 July. One of the most frustrating books I've read all year in the best way possible, that is, by exposing one of the fundamental structures that keeps out current world running in a clear and comprehensive way.

Additional books I've read

The Secret History, Donna Tartt

I reread this book about every year during the summer as it perfectly encapsulates my melancholy. Surprisingly, I found it particularly insightful this time around. Perhaps because I'm a little older, perhaps a bit more experienced, but I felt that for the first time I was able to fully see both stories unfolding (The great tragedy and the satire) and it made the book all the greater to read again

[contentment-of-cats]

Pandemic pantry now past-tense

I was raised by a family that had food scarcity trauma. My maternal grandmother was so malnourished as a child that she developed rickets. My maternal grandfather routinely had to go out and shoot his breakfast post-1906 earthquake. My paternal grandmother was from coal country, so malnourished as a child that she never exceeded being 4 ft 10 in tall and bow-legged from rickets as well. My paternal grandfather, despite living in a thriving metropolis was just three generations removed from the potato famine that sent his survivor ancestor across the Atlantic.

These are people who survived first World War, the 1918 influenza, the Great Depression, and the second World War. In particular, my maternal grandparents went through the Great Depression with young children. For all of these people, food was love. A full pantry and refrigerator, plus a freezer chest in the basement meant that the hard times would at least have a cushion. Hunting meant that you didn't have to rely on money for the butcher. A garden next to the house supplied fruit and vegetables.

My pandemic pantry grew out of my emergency food, since I live in earthquake country. I was better prepared than a lot of people, but I also had that generational paranoia about an empty shelf. I kept well-stocked until after I had received my vaccines. Then I started to gradually dwindle the stockpile and replace it with fresher items.

Then in October of 2021, I wasn't feeling too good. I've had a diagnosis of fibromyalgia since 2007. I understood not feeling good, but this was a new level. I was told that it was probably menopause and the fact that I was exercising a lot at home. Never mind that my periods had stopped when I was 52. I couldn't eat. The fatigue was so intense that I would actually fall asleep if I sat down. In my home office, I stood up and paced in order to stay awake. Finally in March of 2022, everything came to a head, and came to a stop. I had stage 4 colon cancer and a 10 cm tumor in my gut.

From my first week on chemotherapy and radiation I could not eat. I was hospitalized for dehydration due to the vomiting and diarrhea. The next five weeks were a fine line between killing the patient, and killing the cancer that was killing the patient. My diet consisted of saltine crackers, soda water, baby food packets, and little else. When I would go in for my chemotherapy treatments, they made sure to give me a small enough dose of steroids that I would get hungry on top of a big dose of Zofran to stamp down the nausea. I remember the infusion clinic tuna fish sandwiches very fondly. Usually the steroids would stick with me long enough to get another meal down when I got home.

Even after I finished chemotherapy in August of 2022, chemotherapy was not finished with me. It stayed in my body for weeks afterwards. I was still losing weight, my hair was still falling out. I hadn't needed to trim my nails or shave my legs for months. Then I had the big operation in November with a full hysterectomy, a ureter and bladder resection, a colon resection, and an ileostomy. I still couldn't eat. The weight loss continued even after the resection was opened and the ileostomy closed in February of 2023.

During all that time the pantry just sat there and gathered dust. Some of it expired. In March of this year I started using bits and pieces because my appetite had started to come back slowly. I rapidly found out there were many things that I had enjoyed previously that I could no longer eat. Bit by bit I emptied that pantry, thinking of my grandparents, and even my mother and aunts, ever paranoid about food and having a conflicting relationship with it to the point of disordered eating. I thought about my own relationship with food, and being a size 3 in my twenties. Sometimes you face your demons, other times you vomit them out, other times you eat them.

Emptying my pandemic pantry by box and by can has been another part of my journey. As someone who was divorced from food for so long, much of my enjoyment has returned. I appreciate being able to eat more than I ever did before. I appreciate not only the opportunity, but the ability. Now that my pantry is empty, I'm thinking about what to stock it up with. I won't put anything in it just for the sake of having it, or filling an empty space. Each box and can must have a purpose, must be appreciated and enjoyed.

So today, I am going to make one of my grandfather's favorites. Creamed chipped beef on toast with an egg over easy, coffee, and a glass of orange juice. You're never going to find an epicurean or a gourmet tucking into this modest breakfast made with dried beef and canned milk. I have always enjoyed it though, and appreciate the history that brings it to my table today.

[themswritinwords]

Past/Current/Next WIP Game

This looked way too fun, so I'm hopping on an open tag from @blind-the-winds. Gonna no-pressure tag @northernrosewritings, @hayatheauthor, and, of course, passing on the open tag! (That means you!)

Rules: past is a WIP you stopped working on/finished; current is a WIP you're currently working on; next is a WIP you want to write

Past

I was gonna go for Ethan Ellis, since it's the only one that's officially done in the sense of "in a publishable shape and currently being queried." But then I thought about my first love, Shadows of Flame.

It's post(-near)-apocalyptic high fantasy, wherein the King's right hand man, Ayris, is living a lie. For his own safety, of course, but a lie nonetheless. See, Ayris can do magic. If he'd been around 20 years ago, this would have made him one of the Irriman. Only around 20 years ago, one of the Irriman went off the deep end and tried to take over the known world. She nearly succeeded, too. After having murdered, subsumed, mind controlled, or otherwise squashed all opposing Irriman voices, stealing all their magic for her own in the process, she marched her army of unfailingly loyal supernatural freaks across the continent, steamrolling everyone and everything that wouldn't submit to her rule. An alliance between the three largest and strongest nations managed to stop her. By stop her, I mean kill her. Which is great news, unless you're Ayris. Because not only has he lived his whole life having to hide his powers for fear of getting murdered as a potential threat, it turns out it didn't work. She's back, and she's got her sights set on revenge-- and Ayris.

If we go back to the earliest iterations, I've been working on this one for 15 years. Of course, I don't want anyone going back to those earliest iterations, and I will start torching old notebooks to make sure that doesn't happen. But my point is that I have a special place in my heart for Ayris. I was working on this one in its current unfinished iteration when I had my child 4 years ago, but put it on hold just after covid lockdowns when I realized the pacing I'd had set out just wasn't working. There was more to it than that, but that was the biggest issue I couldn't seem to get past. So I shelved it. But you can't keep a good WIP down, so it'll soon be out of "past" and into "present," and I'm so excited! I've figured out what needs to change, I have a plan, and I even have most of an outline. (Amazing what 2 years on the shelf will do, eh?) But it's gonna have to wait, because....

Present

The Rockbridge Experiment. Urban fantasy meets Southern Gothic, with just enough "dude that's messed up" to toe the line of horror crossover.

Evan Grant is a detective. For now, anyway. She was pretty close to quitting altogether, especially when she got this assignment. Fae in the human district. What could possibly go wrong? A lot, as it turns out, and none of it in the way she expected. When she's paired up with a half-dwarf and a dying elf to solve a string of kidnappings and murders, Evan's whole belief system gets put to the test. The elf just so happens to be able to see the future, which might be handy if they weren't living in a world where magic was hunted to extinction several thousand years ago. Worse, those kidnappings and murders are starting to smell an awful lot like a drunken uncle's favorite dinner table conspiracy theory- that there's folk out there running horrible experiments to try and bring magic back. Evan and her new partners have to solve these cases quickly and quietly, or risk upsetting the delicate balance of human-Fae relations, quite possibly unpausing a particularly uneasy cold war. Add in an undead (maybe possessed) terrorist, the literal monsters in the shadows, and a millennia-old, quite-possibly-all-powerful baddie pulling strings they didn't even know existed, these kids are about to have one heck of a time.

"But wait!" I hear you cry. I thought that was one of the finished ones! And to that I say, "you're right! But I'm rewriting it!" Not editing, rewriting. Why? Because the first draft was, I kid you not, 365k words.

And yes, I may have had three separate alpha readers binge it in less than 3 days and come back asking where the sequel is, and yes, I spent a long time crying in the shower about how much I didn't want to change a dang thing because do you have any idea how long it takes to write 365000 words??? But as much as I love my slow-burn, takes-its-time, thoughtful-exploration-experience version, it's never getting published like this. Hard stop. It's just not. It took a lot of shower tears, but I've accepted that.

I've also learned a thing or two about the craft of storytelling since finishing it the first time, as well as over the course of finishing it the first time--- my writing style matured a lot from the front half to the back, and it unfortunately shows. So did my understanding of story structure, my characters, my own worldbuilding, etc. So I know now what's extraneous and where I want these characters to go, and I had just enough alpha reader feedback to know what landed the way I wanted it to and what didn't. I know what I need to do to make it as tight, coherent, and impactful as possible. So rewrites are underway, and we're not stopping til we've chopped this sucker at least in half! Which isn't to say it's gonna become a novella, not by any means. My best estimate right now is still sitting around 120k, but at least that's within the realm of "non-debut normal-ish" for the genre.

Future

I could cheat and say Shadows of Flame again, because I'm gonna start working on that one as soon as I get Rockbridge settled. But I like having two or three active non-editing WIPs at a time, so I'll also put in a plug for my next brainworm hyperfixation, which I'm currently calling "Fantasy Escort Mission, but with Babies, Goats, and Demons."

Okay, there's only one each of those, but our protagonist Ayla Severin, gets saddled with all three. She only knows about the baby and the goat, though, because the demon is bound to the baby's bodyguard. Why does the baby have a bodyguard, you ask? Because it's the infant prince of the neighboring kingdom. With whom Ayla's country is at war. Because a rebel faction framed Ayla's nation for the murders of the entire royal family. The baby, however, escaped (thanks, bodyguard!), and is living proof of the framing. If Ayla's team can get the prince back to the members of government who weren't part of the coup, they might be able to stop the war and bring the rebels to justice. Unfortunately, the only possible way they're getting across enemy lines without getting caught is through a wilderness so inhospitable that both countries gave it up as hopeless decades ago. That would be hard enough for an elite force of highly-skilled commando soldiers, but this is a baby we're talking about. An orphaned baby, and orphaned babies have to eat, so along comes the milking goat. And the demon? Well, it's certainly not going to be making things any easier, but just what it is up to is anyone's guess. Ayla gets to sort all of that out while also battling her own, less literal demons-- the grief of losing her little family, and the guilt that comes along with it.

So keep a look out in the next few months for early brainrot re: my many Plots, Schemes, and Homemade Blorbos, because I'm super excited about literally all of these!

[muppetminge]

i don't as such care much for the concept of pride month, but since i happen to not have much going in june i will take this as an excuse to watch a bunch a lesbian films. in theory, this could be 30 - in practice, it almost definitely won't be. i will 100 % get bored and stop at some point. anyway i want to find like actually good lesbian movies - which might be an oxymoron, but anyway - this means i'll only be watching woman-directed movies, preferably lesbian-directed but i'm aware i probably won't get to be that picky </3.

movies watched:

1. The Watermelon Woman (1996), dir. Cheryl Dunye. "all you do since you don't have a girlfriend is watch those boring old films" well, screw you too, tam. so happy to start off the month with something that's actually good. thank you cheryl <3 speaking of, this woman is so fucking hot it's bullshit. also i do need her earrings like asap but that's another topic. forever saddened by the death of video stores... where am i supposed to go to meet hot lesbians now? netflix? it's bullshit, man.

I don't think there's any part of this I don't find incredibly compelling. It's really funny, and just generally so charming and, well, human. the narrative of building your own history really resonates, and honestly cheryl gets it across incredibly.

2. Pariah (2011), dir. Dee Ress. i didn't vibe with this one as much, but i guess that's my own fault considering i knew very well going into this that i don't particularly like coming-of-age movies. the soundtrack hit most of the time, even if the soundscape in general was a bit flat for my taste. it's a very dark movie. like, physically. i couldn't see shit half the time. also not really a fan of the camerawork throughout most of it. it's a nice-looking film if it's your kind of taste - unfortunately i am too kitsch to really appreciate it :/ i thought scene near the end with lee and her dad on the roof was really nice. also found kim wayans' character really compelling

3. La Belle Saison (2015), dir. Catherine Corsini. not projecting but also delphine i feel you so hard. is this representation because if so i don't mind it... (except the part where you're actually getting some but whatever). desperately making me feel like i should wear more tank tops. anyway delphine was really in a headlock with every single one of her principles toward the end huh. i get the dilemma though her riding tractors is basically public service (to Me because it's incredibly hot). i'm not even gonna be an ass about it like i genuinely just really liked this.

4. But I'm a Cheerleader (1999), dir. Jaime Babbit. "1-2-3-4, inverts we won't be no more!" obviously i've watched this a million times before. did take this as an excuse to watch the extended edition and like just saying ms babbit if you want to extend even more you're more than welcome to it <3 gonna be careful about mentioning natasha here because i love her and chances are i won't be able to shut up again but gd people really do underestimate how fucking funny she is… i've personal beef with clea for having basically the same haircut i had for a long while and making it look so much better. only realized on this watch that melanie lynskey's playing hilary. incredible. anyway i genuinely don't know what more anyone could possibly want in a movie. it's so hot. like all movies should look like this - let those colors pop for a change! one of the best soundtracks of the last thirty years and i'm so serious about that.

i think this was probably the first genuinely good lesbian movie i saw as a teenager desperately searching for something to relate to. it still grips me from the very first scene even now. i do think the stars aligned to make this work. it's so funny and it's such a great satire.

5. リズと青い鳥 / Liz and the Blue Bird (2018), dir. Naoko Yamada. shit, dude. first of all this is so so pretty. it makes me insane how much care and effort they'll put into like a background shot of a shelf or something... and all the watercolor... gorgeous. like just the opening shot with all flowers and the colors that are just popping right out at you... in general just really effective visual communication, especially on rewatches i'd imagine (after having seen the final hug scene). i remember when i went to high school one of my classmates was so incredibly musically talented it was genuinely a bit infuriating and i was so shocked she didn't go on to study music 'cause i would have if i'd been able to get in lmao. anyway this was really sweet. the last third is so incredible. when they finally play it, damn... genuinely like goosebumps. and then it somehow kept going? i feel like it's still settling while i'm writing this but i feel like i'm probably going to watch again at some point.

6. I Can't Think Straight (2008), dir. Shamim Sarif. (quote?) cut to waters novel. cut to k.d. lang cd. one wonders. this having a lower average than imagine me & you if anything really shows that reviews are bullshit. loved the music. loved lisa ray's character being half a second from jumping leyla at all times. loved zina; wish she'd had more scenes. loved leyla's dad being an insurance salesman; life insurance even. sells itself. when the ladies finally did jump each other it was with zero hesitation and i fuck with that so hard. this movie is so funny i don't care. bonus the ladies are very very hot. you can't fault a movie from 2008 for being incredibly 2008. here's to leyla for one day achieving the honor of being tala's fifth fiance(e). truly gettin' it all.

7. Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019), dir. Céline Sciamma. writing this on the eighth with an officially broken streak :( it Will happen again. this is indeed the first time i've watched this because i am to my core a contrarian bitch and seeing everyone freak out about this did Not make me want to watch it. now i have, and like... it's alright, yeah. didn't love love it. it's probably too long for what it's got going on. i loved héloïse; she was great. there's some really powerful scenes in here, the bonfire scene especially. i really liked how blue the ocean was; i hate this tendency of (especially) period pieces washing out everything to a ridiculous degree. i know some people are like insane about this movie and i'm happy for them but i can't relate unfortunately.

i did think briefly at the start that it was gonna be about croquis, and i really wish it had been, ngl.

8. Carmen y Lola (2018), dir. Arantxa Echevarría. 'ya te he olvidado' yeah babe sure looks it. had a certain interest in this going into it for very elaborate personal reasons. it's a lot better than the synopsis makes it sound. lola searching 'lesbianas madrid' like i feel you girl, been there!!! speaking of i was def convinced lola was a lesbian which feels like so rare in such a 'mainstream' movie lmao so well done. very believable. and like my girl was so so persistent you gotta give her that like she really went for it. can't blame her i'd be so into carmen too so like. her voice made me wanna die. so hot. (sí también es que el acento madrileño me pone un poquito pero,,,,). it really went insane at the end like damn. i was not expecting the ending tho like i really thought carmen was gonna be annoying about it. do i even have to save that i really liked this? because surprisingly i really really did. i can't help but feel it's getting rewatched a ton some time lmaooo.

9. 漂浪青春 / Drifting Flowers (2008), dir. Zero Chou. can't believe someone in the reviews of this stole my joke three years ago. speaking of reviews don't look at them because of course people have to be so so annoying about this. as usual. anyway. i was so drawn in by this you wouldn't belive!! i don't even know what to say... this is for all us if these walls could talk babes btw. loved the scene where one of the characters blatantly walked by posters and posters of one of chou's other movies. show off.

diego!!! <3<3<3 every single character is lovely but diego made me wanna *** ngl. it did hit very close to home, thanks for asking. realised in her part that i probably chose the wrong day to watch this but that's on me lmao. this would have broken me if i had watched it as a teenager lowkey. does it come across in this that i really like interconnecting vignettes? because i do, and this is really well-executed. hope you'll watch it and also that you'll find less spotty subtitles than i did if you do lmao.

it's a very genuine movie; i don't mean that in a condescending way, because it's also very much a well-made movie, but it's a movie that so clearly has a lot to say, and i appreciated all of it. perhaps this is also why i was so surprised at the reviews, because it really resonated with me. i know i've already pointed out diego a lot, but all three parts were incredible and they really held each other up. i don't think any of them would feel as complete without the other parts. in an odd way it stands like a shining light in the darkness.

10. Addicted to Fresno (2015), dir. Jaime Babbit. "(lesbians are poor. ..)" confirmed babbit apologist sorry :/ anyway i'm not gonna compare this to cheerleader i wouldn't want to try to follow that either. it's a fun movie! i laughed a ton. my lyonne obsession is well-documented so i'm not even gonna touch on that lmao. that being said martha is exactly the kind of lesbian i want to see more of (no projection here. obviously). i'm bound to be all over anything with these themes; lo and behold indeed i was. i stand by this being really well-executed, y'all just didn't get what she was trying to do <3 you could argue some tonal difficulties, but honestly i'm not going to. it worked. it's a bit quiet, but i can see that adding to the whole point of being stuck. some surprise appearances to delight

11. Saving Face (2004), dir. Alice Wu. first of all gd will's mom has got it going on. anyway i wanted a fun romcom and i got a fun romcom so i'm not complaining! i will say that i think this is the genre at its best. like romcoms often risk coming across as a bit clinical i feel, a bit empty, but this is just so warm. i adored hwei-lan (not just because she's hot but let me reiterate that she's so unbelievably hot; i get that boy so much, i really do), she's so funny. i love circular storytelling, and i think the end was done really well. the scene after that during the credits is exactly how i want my movies to end actually, i want my face to hurt smiling. don't you? wil is an absolutely idiot. i cannot blame her for a single thing. also i get you babe, i can't stand for dancers either. i feel like this is close to being one of most just plain fun movies i've watched so far.

12. Kyss mig (2011), dir. Alexandra-Therese Keining. gd i so want all my lesbian movies to start with a straight sex scene, don't you? coming to you with the exact opposite mood of that from yesterday. everyone in this is horrible. mia and frida's relationship is not believable at all to me sorry. i barely believe that these two even like each other if i'm being honest. it's not the first movie here where the romance comes a bit from nowhere (namely portrait, which made up for it with some level of charm, and belle saison, which i just liked enough otherwise to excuse it) but here i'm definitely gonna blame it for it because it's got nothing else going on, either. to be entirely fair, it was very optimistic going into this with my dislike of 'scandi dramas', especially of the swedish variety, but fuuuuck, i was so bored i'm sorry. it's soooo slow. i actually quite liked elin but she was there for like five seconds - and good for her, because damn you deserve better babe... both of the main women kind of suck lmao but at least frida sucks in a fun way most of the time, so she's excused. i don't know if i'm supposed to feel bad for tim (probably! knowing the genre, knowing swedes, knowing movies), but he's such an asshole. i genuinely think mia should have killed him. i can't blame mia for sucking; her dad's a major asshole, i'm sure she's had it rough. i'm sure if you like this sort of movies it's alright. it's not badly made by any account, i just really didn't like it. it has its audience. definitely a new low so far. the one good thing about this was that it really made me appreciate being a lesbian; those scenes with mia and tim genuinely looked like my personal hell. if i was mia i'd jump the first girl who looked at me too, ngl. the ending did make up for a few things, all things considered. i watched a not insignificant part of this without subtitles (because they would not workkkk) and i'm so brave for that tbh

13. Kokon (2020), dir. Leonie Krippendorff. proof that i should probably do more research before watching stuff (never going to happen though; no fun) because i did not realise this would be this much of a coming-of-age story. like literally hitting all the points. anyway it didn't do much for me. i really don't want to be mean here because it's obviously a very well-made film, and i get the intention, but... i was so fucking bored you would not believe. like i was less actively annoyed by this than kyss mig, but way more bored. it's not a very long movie, but it sure feels like it! anyway, if you're watching for the rep, you can skip this one; it's not really the main part of the movie, which is fine - comparatively, pariah had much more of a lesbian focus. this one really is just coming-of-age. something something you know you're in berlin when the whitest girl you've ever seen is swearing on the qur'an. i'm so glad i'm not a teenager - and what a joy to be getting further and further away every day <33

14. Desert Hearts (1985), dir. Donna Deitch. first of all the soundtracks is lovely (and it's a well-documented fact that mona will forgive everything for a good soundtrack). second of all i want to watch this again. like, immediately, right now. i'm gonna watch this so much i fear it's not even funny. ignore the 80s hair; we're in the 50s. one of the better romances yet. the lesbian-english teacher hypothesis proving true time and time again... incredible. cay is so funny. like the way the camera pans over to her in the bed in the hotel room scene... cinema! i was fucking done lmao. it's all just very lovely.

15. Go Fish (1994), dir. Rose Troche. well, we had to go here at some point. it's a very jazzy movie; take that however you wish. i have my criticisms, but also you can't blame a 90s movie for being too 90s (which in truth is what a lot of it boils down to). max' narrations were without a doubt my favorite part, the start especially so. there's more lesbians in one 80 minute movie than i've even crossed paths with, ever. cutting your fingernails before a date counts as foreplay in my book.

16. Joven y alocada (2012), dir. Marialy Rivas. i just know the progressive profesoras are going wild over this. huge respect to chileans for seeing a word and deciding fuck that shit and dropping half of it. top five accent ngl. also polola... also credit for starting a movie in the most uncomfortable way possible. anyway i am so not the target audience for this it's not even funny. it's well-composed, the style is great, entirely well-done, did not care for it. i only finished because i couldn't get the last-moment replacement to work and i didn't have time to watch anything else lmao. i have a lot of respect for rivas (hence me watching this) but... yeah. also really getting confirmed that i am very fine with lesbian sex scenes but straight sex scenes are horrrrrible.. nice reminder of the lesbianism i guess! i will be singing yo no te pido la luuuuna the rest of the night though. non voglio mica la luna...

17. Les Rendez-vous d'Anna (1978), dir. Chantal Akerman. an excuse to cross some akerman off my watchlist? you could call it that. i have a ton of respect for her. she's a very interesting person, i think. an interesting movie, too, all things considered. i'm very much drawn to the fastpaced and erratic truth be told, which this is like the polar opposite of, but it's got its point. i really liked the part with her mother. that was probably the high point of this. i didn't really care for either of the guys, like, at all, but it is what it is. still gathering my thoughts, i feel. not sure i'm entirely in the right space to really appreciate this.

18. Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same (2011), dir. Madeleine Olnek. "...I did wonder about the gills". oh, this is how you make a movie. (was smiling and/or laughing from beginning to end). question: can this be replicated in real life. like can i just go find the nearest hot stationery clerk or how does this work.

19. Mädchen in Uniform (1931), dir. Leontine Sagan. all impact aside, this is a lot more fun than i'd thought. obviously i've been putting this off for a while now considering i hadn't seen it til now, but i really did enjoy it. i feel like it's rare seeing girls just having fun like this. as a young girl i was very into this old book series (incidentally from my mother's childhood) about some girls at a boarding school; entirely irrelevant to every and anything here, but watching this gave me the same vibe throughout much of it.

20. سكر بنات / Caramel (2007), dir. Nadine Labaki. absolutely adore this one description i found that says rima is struggling with her attraction to women - lmao where?? the most she struggles in this movie is the coerced leg wax lmao. otherwise it's basically all very sensual hair washing, gd bless. she's also very hot btw i do need to mention that. i see you all going crazy over labaki and you're not wrong but gd man... anyway, sensual hairwashing aside, the straight girls are alright too. seriously, this is actually very good. even though rima's the lesbian the most homoerotic part of this is layale very aggresively waxing of her lover's wife.

21. Een vrouw als Eva (1979), dir. Nouchka van Brakel. after a hundred minutes still not convinced this is a real language. anyway, i don't even know what to say. fuck, dude. gd. you could argue dated, but fuck it's rare to see a movie like this treat its lesbian protagonist with this much sympathy, even today. there's a lot to say, but in my mind this is what i keep coming back to. it's in the little things. at no point does this feel perfomative to me, either. a few asides: the beginning of this movie was very extremely effective at showing how utterly miserable eve was lmao. ad is a giant asshole; eve not slapping him is a testament to this poor woman's patience.

22. 蝴蝶 / Butterfly (2004), dir. Mak Yan-Yan. between the marianne faithful, patti smith and janis joplin i can't be entirely sure jin's place isn't actually mine also fuck josie ho is gorgeous. i almost didn't watch this (length) but gdddd i'm so glad i did. it took a bit for me to get into, but by the time it ended i had to just sit for a moment. it's breathtaking, honestly. i don't know what it is - maybe it's the timelessness? the way everything weaves in and out of each other constantly, like it's all happening at the same time. i don't know. it's so gorgeous, though.

23. Viola di mare (2009), dir. Donatella Maiorca. ah, sicilia, amore mio <3 anyway what the fuck. i think that's my main impression for the moment. gd. supposedly based of a real story, i really do think it's told well for the most part. i mean, gd, it would have been so easy to focus on all the surrounding, but the love really is palpable i gotta be honest. making me sigh and swoon over here... if more people were like angela, like first of all that would rule, but also lesbian movies would be sooo short. she's damn persistent lmao love her <3 definitely worth watching, but like do not read up on a single thing beforehand.

24. The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (1995), dir. Maria Maggenti. "Is this another one?" sometimes you really just do wanna watch two girls having fun. american high schools in media always throws me a bit because i genuinely can't tell how much is artistic exaggeration and how much is just you guys living like that. seems sick. if i still went to the hairdresser i'd show her a picture of randy in this. not getting over vicky's husband getting physical with a literal seventeen year old lmaoo go home dude! it's all very cute, genuinely. by my count this brings the jopling counter up to three. bonus for the bratmobile.

25. I've Heard the Mermaids Singing (1987), dir. Patricia Rozema. i'm really glad this is the one i'm the ending this on. gddddddddd i loved this so much. to quote polly herself: it's so... nice! oh, polly... <3 seeing a quirky weird girl represented so well is like seeing a shooting star.

all in all: this has been... really fun, actually. i don't know that i was counting on that. i did not in fact get bored and stop. i'm willing to concede that the amount of actually, genuinely good lesbian movies might in fact be a positive integer after all. definitely a much more fun way to spend pride month than engaging in nonsensical discourse. happy july! <3

[bteezxyewriter12]

Still Here/ 14

Pairing- Hongjoong x Named Reader

Word count- 3.5k

Includes- so much fluff, oral, pussy eating, cum eating, missionary, against headboard sex?, multiple orgasms, biting, blood drinking

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @a-teez-4-exo @umbralhelwolf @fairygirl18 @jo-hwaberry @jejeyeppeo @soibean1922

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Series Masterlist 📝Masterlists

📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Hongjoong Masterlist

One months later

Hongjoong POV

"Jagi?", I call, coming in the front door, "I'm home"

"In your studio!", she calls, "I'm cleaning!"

I smile, heading to the studio

She's so helpful

Since she moved in, she takes up keeping the house seriously

I told her she didn't have to do it because with my speed I can do it in minutes but she insistes on sharing the household chores

"Jesus Joongie, do you think you have enough head-", she says, her voice cutting off as soon as I walk into the room

She's standing by my headphones drawer, looking down into it

"Jagi?", I question

She turns around, her eyes wide

I don't know what's wrong until I look in her hands

"Joongie?"

She found the ring

I thought I hid it well but I guess not

I'm not mad, I know she didn't go into my drawers to snoop

She was cleaning and by the row of headphones wrapped nicely on top of the shelf, I know she was putting them away for me

"Yeah jagi?", I smile, walking towards her

"Uh...what...uh", she stutters

Getting to her, I take the ring from her, "What's this?"

She nods

Still smiling, I go down on one knee, looking up at her

"What is happening?", she whispers

"I'm asking you to marry me"

"Uh..."

"Look jagi, I was waiting for the right time to ask you. I was thinking of a way to ask you, thinking of how to make it a big deal", I explain, "But you found the ring and I just realized that asking you doesn't have to be a huge to do. And that you don't really like things being a big deal anyway"

She nods, her eyes wide

"Jo, I knew you were my one from the first kiss. I've been around a stupidly long time and I've never before felt the things I've felt when I kissed you. The love I feel for you, the intensity...I've never felt before. Not for anyone. Only you"

A cute pink blush forms on her cheeks and she's so fucking beautiful

"I never thought I would be in love again. I never thought I had the capacity to feel the way I do about you. I never thought I'd find my soulmate"

She sucks in a breath, surprise in her eyes but I just nod

She is my soulmate

She's my better half, my everything, my world

"You're my soulmate Joanne. I was born two thousand years ago and some how time didn't stop us from meeting. Some how my circumstances, what I am wasn't an issue for you. Some how, even after a crazy ghost ex trying to kill you, you're still here, you still want me, you still love me"

She smiles softly, reaching out and moving some hair from my face

"Instead of running away, you wanted to fight for me, for us and you put yourself in danger, went against a murderous ghost for me. And after we banished her, you just kissed me and started cleaning up the mess she made like it was nothing. You made me blood to drink after we cleaned up, you made love to me and you cuddled me all night. You never blamed me for Kye-geum coming back, you never blamed me for the injuries she inflicted on you. You didn't blame me for anything. You just love me"

She nods, "I'll always love you Joongie. Always"

I have to blink back tears at how amazing she is

"You're extraordinary Joanne and I would be honored if you would be my wife", I tell her, "Will you marry jagi?"

She kneels down in front of me, her arms moving around my neck

"Of course Joongie. I love you"

Her lips meet mine in a kiss that sends stars in my vision

I kiss her pretty lips, wrapping my arms around her, in complete awe of her love that I feel wrap around me

It's like it's tangible

When the kiss ends, she looks in my eyes, smiling widely

"I love you so much baby. You're my soulmate too Joongie. I never thought I could feel this way for anyone either. I thought I would be scared to love someone this much", she says, softly touching my face, "But I'm not because it's you. You're my perfect everything baby. And you're insane if you think that something like vampirism is going to keep me away from you"

I smile, remembering when she told me that being a vampire is not a good reason for us to be apart

"I love you Jo. So much"

"I love you Joongie", she smiles, "Now can I have my ring?"

I laugh, taking her hand and sliding the ring on her finger

She holds her hand out and I have to admit, it looks really good on her

"It's beautiful Joongie", she breathes, her eyes on the ring, "It's perfect"

"Is it baby? If you don't like it, tell me and we'll get another-"

"Shush your mouth right now Kim, Hongjoong!", she scolds, "It's exactly what I want and you will do not such thing as returning my ring"

Chuckling, I say, "Ok, ok jagi. I was just checking"

"Alright. As long as you know, this is the ring I want"

I nod, "Ok baby"

"Good. Now c'mon", she says, getting up and holding her hand out to me, "I have to finish cleaning and then we can go cuddle"

I grin widely, "Sounds like an amazing plan baby. I'll help you so we can cuddle faster"

"I'll take it", she giggles, turning back to the drawer, putting my headphones in it

I turn to the rest of the room, ready to use my speed so I can get my jagi in bed and snuggling with me faster

---------------------------

Three months later

I stand at the front of the aisle waiting for my baby to come out

Finally it's my turn to be married

I watched all the guys do this, wait for their brides and I never thought I'd be here again

I never thought I'd love someone so much to get married again

I thought I'd be alone forever

So I know all our pictures will have me smiling like a big idiot in them

We decided on a small wedding

Just the guys and their wives

All of us have had small weddings, just us, the wives and the girl's family

Joanne's parents don't live here and couldn't make it so they're on zoom on her computer that's set up a few feet away

Her 7 year old little sister is on there too, watching and dressed in a cute flower girl dress

She's throwing flowers around her parents house right now

Her parents were surprised how fast things went with us but they like me well enough from the videos calls I've been on with Joanne

I know everything did move fast but we didn't want to wait for anything

The only reason we waited three months was because of her dress

She wanted to get married a week after I proposed to her but I convinced her to at least have a small ceremony and get a dress that she loves

She agreed and here we are

Seonghwa is going to marry us, so he's standing up here with me

"Nervous?", he asks

"No way", I answer

He laughs, "So who was right about everything?"

I glare at him, remembering how he pushed me to talk to her, to go after her and the fight I put up, "Fine, you were"

He beams, "Yeah I was"

"Alright. Gloating isn't a good look for you", I huff

He rolls his eyes, "Shut up and watch your bride walk to you idiot"

My eyes snap to the end of the aisle

As soon as I see her, my eyes fill with tears

She's so fucking beautiful it's insane

The dress is gorgeous, fitting her body just right, her make up if perfect and her hair is so pretty

I'm so fucking lucky

She smiles as she walks to me while I'm just beaming

I wasn't this happy at my first or second wedding

I was scared during my first because I didn't choose the girl, my parents did; the second I was happy but this wedding....I'm overjoyed

And I know, this one is forever

She wants me forever

As soon as she gets to me, she takes my hand, holding on tightly

"Hi", she smiles

"Hi jagi", I breathe

Seonghwa starts the ceremony and while I know he's talking, all I can do is pay attention to her

Her eyes are on mine too, smiling softly at me

Seonghwa had to call my name three times to get me to say the vows, then another two to put the ring in her finger as I'm just captivated by her

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You can kiss your bride"

I immediately move closer, my lips on hers, our arms around each other's

I remember to keep it pg since her sister and parents are watching

Reluctantly pulling away, I smile at her

"My hubby", she giggles

"My wife", I laugh

"Mr and Mrs. Kim", she continues

"Wait really?"

We didn't talk about her last name changing

It didn't bother me if she wanted to keep her last name but I'm not gonna lie and say I'm not happy she's changing it

I am

"Of course Joongie. We're married. I'm a Kim now", she says, "If that's ok with you"

"Of course baby", I assure her

"Good", she smiles, then kisses my cheek, "Now let's go cuz I'm hungry"

Laughing, I nod, take her hand and we walk down the aisle, heading to the small room we rented for our reception

---------------------------

Kissing her desperately, my hands are carefully unzipping her dress

I want to rip it off her, I want her right now but I don't want to ruin her dress

Her hands frantically unbutton my shirt, the jacket to my suit already abandoned on the floor

Our reception was perfect- good food for her, W/w/n and Ys/w/n, some dancing, lots of talking and joking around and then we all went our separate ways

We decided to come back home and not rent a hotel

We can't go on a honeymoon yet because of ATEEZ'S commitments so we're going next year

But right now all I want is her naked

She shoves my shirt off as her dress drops to the floor, her hands undoing my belt

In seconds I'm out of my clothes, throwing her on the bed

Climbing on top of her, I lock my lips on hers, tearing her panties off, then groping her boobs

She moans in my mouth as I pinch her nipples, feeling them get hard under my fingertips

Her hips move against mine, her soaked pussy rubbing against my cock, drenching me in her juice

"Not yet baby", I murmur, dragging kisses down to her neck

"Joongie!", she whines

"No jagi. I'm hungry. I didn't eat the the reception remember?"

"Uh huh", she moans, her eyes fluttering closed

"I need to eat your pussy baby"

"Fff...fuck"

"Tastes so fucking good. Let me have your cunt baby"

"Yes Joongie", she breathes and in seconds, her legs are spread, my tongue all over her, reveling in the taste of her cunt

"Oh my god", she cries, her body arching, her hands immediately in my hair, "Yes Joongie, fuck yes"

Swirling my tongue between her slit, I switch between that and poking my tongue in her hole

Her cream is all over my face and I just bury deeper into her

I swear I never loved eating pussy as much as I love eating hers

It's just everything, how she feels, how she smells, how she tastes, the sounds she makes

I love it

Plunging my tongue inside her, I wiggle it around before pulling out, her moans changing to screams

"Again! Joongie again!"

I oblige, fucking my tongue into her, feeling her clench hard around it

"Please baby", I ask, "Gimmie your cum"

Just as I'm wiggling my tongue in again, she explodes, screaming my name

I eagerly swallow everything, savoring her taste and wanting more

"Mmm jagi", I whisper, sliding my tongue back in and letting her pulse around it

Sliding out, I lap at her clit, her hips snapping up into my face

"Good girl. Fuck my face more baby", I urge her, lavishing her clit with licks, the pulsing against my tongue sending pleasure straight to my painfully hard cock

I can't wait to be inside her

We have sex all the time but it's still like the first time every time

I'm still excited to get inside her, I'm still excited to feel her around me, to make her feel good

And I honestly hope that never changes

Moving my mouth around her clit, I suck softly, increasing the speed and force with each suck

"Joongie", she moans

"Mm jagi", I say between sucks, "Like when I suck on your pretty clit?"

"Yes, Joongie", she shouts, "Faster"

Lifting my eyes, I find her watching me and I hold her gaze, moving my mouth faster until I'm slurping all on her clit

Her legs shake around my head as I pleasure her, her hand in my hair tightening

"Cream my face baby", I tell her, latching back on and sucking desperately

"Hongjoong! Fuck!", she cries, coming hard

I suck her through it and when she's done, I go hard licking up her delicious cream

Fucking tastes better than blood

Only when I'm sure I got every last drop, I move back the on top of her

She kisses me hard, her tongue in my mouth while her legs wrap around me

I'm so hard, I don't need any guiding into her, I just plunge inside, bottoming out in one stroke, the slap of my hips against hers so loud in the room

"Yes Joongie!", She cries, "Fuck me baby!"

"I will jagi", I promise, pulling almost all the way back out then hurtling back inside

She takes me so easily, my head smashing her spot, her screams so fucking beautiful

She clings onto me as I fuck her into our mattress, her fingers digging into my back

Reaching down, I move her legs over my shoulders, keeping my hands by her head so I don't fall on her

She pulls me against her, her lips against mine as her cunt splits open for my cock over and over, the pleasure mind blowing

She's so fucking wet, my entire pelvis is soaked

"Baby's gushing like a waterfall", I murmur against her pretty lips

"Ooo..only for you", she gets out

I lean down more, her legs pushed to her chest and the angle has me cock going deeper, my pelvis rubbing against her throbbing clit

Her hole chokes my cock the closer she gets and I can't wait to feel her orgasm

"Cream my cock baby", I murmur, fucking her harder, "Please, need to feel you cum around me"

I move faster, making sure I'm destroying her spot, her pretty eyes so fucked out already

"Fall apart for me. C'mon jagi"

Plunging in again, she cries my name, her body shaking and arching into mine as she climaxes

The fucking throbbing of her cunt is so fucking intense and feels so blissful that I have to hold back from coming

"Good girl", I tell her, "So fucking beautiful, coming for me. My good girl"

When she finishes, I pull out, lifting her up and holding her against the headboard of the bed

I stay on my knees, her legs wrapped around me as I slip her back on my cock, her warm cunt already locking onto my length

"Fuck jagi, you feel so fucking good"

"Mmmm", she mutters

"Aww jagi, did I fuck you dumb already?"

She nods, clinging onto me, her sweaty body right against mine

I move some of her sweaty hair out of her face, then press my lips against hers as I start moving

"Jjj...Joongie"

"Mm jagi. I'm here baby. Feels good?", I ask, plunging into her waiting cunt over and over

"Yes", she whimpers

"Good baby. You feel so fucking good. So tight and wet. Spasming so hard jagi"

"Mmm"

Thrusting up, I impale her on my cock over and over, getting lost in the pleasurable feeling of her pulsing pussy

"So close baby", I urge, pressing kiss after kiss to her shoulder, "Give me another one"

Pounding in a few more times, she whimpers my name, exploding on me

I close my eyes as ecstacy hits me and I cum into her orgasming pussy, feeling her milk all my cum

"So good baby", I choke out, pumping everything I have into her

I move her head to the side, leaning down to the crook of her neck

"Yes baby", she moans and I lengthen my fangs, biting into her skin

Her blood flows into my mouth and it's the sweetest blood I've ever tasted

We agreed that I'd change her on our wedding night

She wanted to be with me one last time as a human before she changed

I told her she didn't have to change so quickly but she wasn't having it

She said she wanted to start our forever as soon as we could and I agreed

I swallow mouthful after mouthful, not being able to get enough

I hear her heartbeat slowing but I continue to drink until I'm sure I left just enough to change her

Pulling off her neck, I bite my wrist and hold it to her mouth

She sucks on my skin, her hand holding my arm to her mouth as she drinks my blood

And fuck it feels good

I let her drink a good amount to be sure she changes before I pull my arm away

"Joongie!", she cries, her body becoming rigid in my arms

I know what she's feeling and I hate that she has to feel it to change

Hate that there's nothing I can do to make it better

"I have you baby", I tell her, laying us down and holding her in my arms as she writhes around, "It'll be over soon jagi and you can sleep"

The pain on her face is killing me, tears leaking from her closed eyes

I wipe them away, hugging her close to me, whispering that she'll be ok

After awhile her body relaxes and she's asleep

It'll take up to a few days before she wakes up and I'm not leaving her side

Holding her tightly, I close my eyes, hoping I can sleep for a few hours before the waiting game begins

---------------------------

Five days later

I'm a little panicked

She hasn't woken up yet

It hasn't taken this long before

Three days at the max

I'm worried something is wrong

Maybe I fucked up

Maybe I killed her

She's not breathing, she doesn't have a heartbeat or pulse

All signs of vampirism

Or death

And I don't know which it is

I've change people before, I know how to do it

I couldn't have done it wrong

Right?

After our wedding night, I woke up and dressed her, then got dressed myself

I honestly don't know what to do with myself

I'm either sitting next to her or pacing around the room

I tried to work but I couldn't

I was remaining calm until the third day passed

Now I'm freaking out, begging her to wake up

The guys don't know what to do or what's wrong

All their girls woke up within the three day norm

They try to give me words of encouragement but I'm so scared

"Jagi, wake up", I beg, holding her hand tightly, "Please baby, I need you"

I neeed something to show me that she's not dead dead

Anything

"Joanne please", I whisper, "I can't live without you. I don't know what's wrong baby. You should of been awake by now. I don't know what to do. Please Jo, wake up"

I look at her face, her eyebrow slightly raising and my heart jumps in my throat

"Jo?", I call

"Mmm Joongie", she whimpers

"Yes jagi", I sign in pure relief

Her hand closes on mine, squeezing hard

"I'm here jagi"

Her eyes slowly open and I gaze into the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen on a vampire

Red shades that go from dark to pink with yellow mixed in

Fucking beautiful

I smile at her, running my fingers in her hair

"Hi", I say

"Hi baby", she says

She smiles at me and I know everything is ok

We still have our forever

She's still here

[astralpenguin]

MID YEAR BOOK FREAKOUT TAG

tagged by @its-tea-time-darling 💜💜💜

1. Best book you've read so far in 2024

so let them burn by kamilah cole

it's a jamaican-inspired fantasy following two girls: the chosen one and her older sister. except five years have passed since they helped liberate their country from oppression and it's turned out that the aftermath of war and child soliders and teen queens isn't quite so simple to navigate after all. then the chosen one's sister forms an unprecedented soul bond with a dragon and dragon-rider belonging to their old oppressors. the chosen one's gods tell her the only way to keep her people safe is to kill her sister, but both sisters care about each other way too much for killing each other to be an option.

if you like: siblings who'd burn the world for each other, dragons, soulmates who hear each other's thoughts, possession, gods who do not understand humans to the point that it causes Big Problems for everybody, and stories that explore what happens to the chosen one after the story is done, then you might like this book as well! also both sisters are queer (one is a lesbian and one is demi) so if you're looking for more queer books to read that aren't the same handful that always get rec'd first then here's one <3

2. Best sequel you've read so far in 2024

does the sunshine court count as a sequel? i'm gonna count it. that one. it's probably not Technically the best sequel i've read but it's added to the aftg brainworms that i've had for many years so

3. New release you haven't read yet but want to

dear wendy by ann zhao (two aroace uni students are enemies online due to their rival dating advice columns while becoming besties irl) and road to ruin by hana lee (bisexual polyamorous mad max fury road which also happens to have been written by a twitter mutual of mine)

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year

compound fracture by andrew joseph white!!! which i have an e-arc of and will be the next thing i read because i've delayed enough already

5. Biggest disappointment

wranglestone i had such high hopes for you but i have ended up with NOTHING nice to say except that the cover is pretty. don't read this book it's so terrible in every way and everyone involved in shortlisting it for an award should be ashamed of themselves

6. Biggest surprise

i've had the abyss surrounds us by emily skrutskie (and its sequel) sitting on my shelf for literal years and i finally picked them up a couple of months ago and they were excellent??? like it turns out they weren't getting hyped on booktube ~2017 just because they were sapphic ya sci-fi at a time when there was very little of that, but because they're also genuinely very very good, which was definitely a surprise to me. i was expecting to like them well enough, not to love them like i ended up!!

7. Favourite new author (debut or new to you)

i've read all three of zoe hana mikuta's books this year so let's go with her jksdfhgk her books are very cool, though the prose is often unnecessarily dense (she loooves her purple prose) which can make it a little hard to understand what's actually happening (which she leans into hard in her wonderland reimagining, to the point of near-incomprehensibility, which she gets away with solely because it's wonderland), but that clearly didn't annoy me too much seeing as i still read all her books lmao. something i really like about her books is the way that she centres platonic relationships and platonic love just as much as she does romantic relationships and romantic love, and also isn't afraid of letting the platonic relationships be just as toxic and fucked up as the romantic ones can be

8. Newest fictional crush

i don't get crushes on fictional characters

9. Newest favourite character

if i solely look at books i haven't mentioned yet, i also read interview with the vampire for the first time this year (i will get to the show At Some Point) and how anyone can read that book and not come away from it having a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about claudia i do not know

10. Book that made you cry

none, but i don't cry very easily

11. Book that made you happy

the garlic duology by bree paulsen!! they're cosy fantasy middle grade graphic novels about garlic, one of many vegetables that have been brought to life by a small town witch to help tend her garden, and how her life changes when a vampire moves in to a nearby empty castle

12. Favourite book to film adaptation that you've seen this year

my mother is OBSESSED with bullet train, and i do really like it as well, so whenever we're in the same place we tend to end up rewatching it. it slaps. don't watch it if you can't handle bloody scenes, death, or the threatened death of a child, but if you can handle those things then i very strongly recommend it

13. Most beautiful book you've bought so far this year (or received)

sigh. wranglestone. though tbf some of the fairyloot books i got this year before i cancelled my subscription are gorgeous too

14. What books do you need to read by the end of the year

compound fracture for sure!!!!!! then i just really need to make some kind of a dent in my unread e-arc collection lmao

15. How many new books have you read so far

according to goodreads i have read 48 books so far in 2024

i'm gonna tag @itsthemxze even though tea tagged you already (ha get double tagged), @fili-is-gone, and anyone else who wants to do this!!