#I've been through hell and back
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#it's done 💛#academia#actual academia#university#I did it#I really did it#this is huge for me#I've battled with the outfall of gifted kid syndrome for 20 years#this was so so hard#and I did it while on stims for ivf#I've lost 4 babies#I've been through hell and back#and I did this anyway ❤️#women are awesome#we're so strong#be proud of yourself ❤️#I am tonight
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so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with
but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."
#i dunno i've been thinking about grief lately#and i think the nature of humanity is everyone's grieving something#it might not always be as straightforward as the death of a loved one - sometimes it is#but sometimes you're grieving a life you never got to live#the person you used to be#hell an old toy you just realised you lost years ago and are never going to get back#we're all just a little bit sad all the time#and i think looking at the world like that makes it a lot more friendly place#because everyone is someone who needs a bit of comfort - or just someone to say hey its okay to be sad and angry and confused#and when you're finally ready to let whatever you're grieving go the world will be a happier place#and you'll find a new thing to grieve because there's always something to be a little bit sad about#but the world keeps getting better for every one you get through and every friend who helps you through it#and sometimes you just need to throw a dumb joke in there at the end#that's what it means to be human#the good place#tgp
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✨🌸 Sunshine on your skin, flowers in my soul 🌸✨
🌊🫧Summary → In the midst of his reconciliation with Team Wish, Dusknoir begins coughing up flowers. This unfortunate brand of bad luck should be a cosmic joke. A spiteful punishment that the world has brought down on him out of malice, out of vengeance for his past deeds. A cruel, agonizing curse manifested with the single unjustified purpose of preventing him from realizing happiness, ever seeking redemption, ever righting his multitudes of wrongs and moving on with his life. But that's not true, and he knows it deep down. Knows it in the very core of his soul like the flood of petals building in this throat.
This is his fault because he is a coward, and that's all he has ever been. A backstabbing, lonely coward.
And now he is going to die because of it.
[AO3]
[CH. I -- Word Count -- 13,290]
🌒💫 Return → the act of going back to a place, person, or memory
[CH. II -- TBA]
#(Momentarily comes back from hiatus just to drop this and then proceeds to immediately leave)#I didn't forget about my fic that I promised literally a year ago! Woo!#Here's the 1st chapter fellas!#I've been through misery and hell (still there tbh) but I'm hanging in there with my pencil and paper#(mutuals I did this for YOU)#(scribz once again THANK you for the art ilysm)#I gave up on trying to write everything coherently like a perfectionist before posting chapters#I've decided I'm just gonna post 'em as they're done instead of hoarding them all until I'm satisfied with the entire fic#It was unhealthy and hard to be motivated while writing all of this in my own little isolated box#Maybe with some feedback from readers I'll be more willing to focus on this and get it done rather than let it rot in my docs for months#Sunshine on your skin; flowers in my soul#my fic#Dusknoir/Grovyle#Dusknoir/Grovyle/Celebi#Hero/Partner#Echo/Sora#echo/umbreon#sora/lucario#pmd ocs#lots and LOTS of feelings in this fic be warned my friends#Must admit I am so nervous sharing this publicly cause it's like baring my whole heart to you guys#If you take a peek then I hope you end up enjoying it c:#pls leave me asks if you wanna share thoughts!!! I'd be so unbelievably happy to talk about this fic if anyone is interested#or maybe post a comment or kudos on AO3 instead!! anything pls I'd be indebted to you forever#No promises on a fic update schedule but I will TRY not to let it take months this time#pmd explorers#pmd eos#pmd sky#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd fanfic
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Ok, I'm burnt out, pretty grumpy, and having a really hard time, so I'll be turning asks off for awhile. Posting will be more sporadic. I know I don't have to announce things like this, I figure I'll let people know so they don't think I'm ignoring them or anything. I'm just having a shit time, y'all.
Take care, everyone.
#personal#blog post#sorry for literally just coning back from a posting a break and leaving immediately after#shit just really fucking sucks today#I've been having a shit time throughout this entire move#but the moment we got on the road and the moments after have been fucking hell#i didnt sleep well most of these nights either#as I've been sharing a bed with my mom#and she's used to a bigger bed so she keep stealing blankets and kneeing me in the side#I'm just having a shit time#even spirituality has veen difficult lately#i haven't been able to feel the presence of any deities and that's been reallt hard#because it feels like I'm praying without reason sometimes#but i try to push through those feelings#but i also just feel bad that i keep asking and asking for hwlp without being able to give offerings atm#i just don't feel well#and there's not much i can do about it
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TWO YEARS OF MINATO NUI!!! 💙
#lizzy speaks#minato arisato#this was the best 16 dollars i've ever spent he's given me immeasurable joy#it was a lot of fun to look through my photos from the past two years and choose what i wanted to post!#im mostly posting this for myself i wanna look at my 'best of minato nui year 2' but if u enjoy it! hell yeah#some of these were 'rejects' from last year's one (since it was a 10 img limit back then)#and some of these i forgot i took. i completely forgot i held minato with tongs and it TOOK ME THE FUCK OUT#i loove taking him to places he brightens my day so much :)#he's also been very helpful in getting me to go walking on a daily basis...#i have a photo album dedicated to taking one photo of minato nui a day in rainbow color order#and i can't wait to accumulate more pictures of him!! this is proof that i exist!!!#i love to take minato around the island. i hope i can take him to more places!!!! see you all next year!!
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Kiss..?
#can you guys tell i sketched a shit ton of csm oc stuff over this regional holiday and now i' m just going through it all?#crazy. i feel like i'm back in 2022#i love drawing the wolf devil's weird ass cyclops face. silly as hell#also i get to show what i meant by the “Hina is always smiling” thing#which is crazy i'm doing this now. i had this oc for like 2 years i think#just goes to show how little i draw her#but i've been having more fun drawing her this time around. maybe it really was the design that bothered me?#csm#csm oc#chainsaw man#Mayura#Hina Akiyama#hyena scribbles
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Ashfur eats Clear Sky?!
fitting end for him tbh
Yepp. Ashfur eats him and gains access to an insane amount of power, on the level of a small god. Something about the fact that Skystar, Patron of War, is trying to prevent the oncoming tide of peace... only to be killed by someone stronger and more ambitious than him in the end...
It's poetic. That the only time he ever worked with others was to save his own skin, dodging the jaws of One Eye, only to end up in someone else's gob. He won for generations, he was on top of the world in the most literal sense possible.
And it still wasn't enough for him. He ends up creating a greater villain than he could have ever imagined, and finally pays the ultimate price.
It's a justice a long time coming.
#I've always felt bad about asking for help but now that I'm back in school#I think I really should start asking around to see if anyone can help me organize OTL#Because I now have 5000+ posts on this blog and organizing has never been my strong suit#In spite of how hard I've tried#And this project is so very large that I know it's hell on earth for a newcomer to find all the strewn-about details#And like I could TRY to power through organization BUT then I can't make NEW content#Which is the most fun for me and everyone else I'm sure#BB!TBC#better bones au
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Ye gods, the continued existence of billford antis in 2024 is so genuinely funny that I can't even be annoyed at them. Like, tri-sexuality won, babes. RIP to y'all tho, must be sad to hate fun so much.
#megan whines into the empty abyss of cyberspace#the funniest/most indicative of anti perfermative morality take I've seen so far has been#'billford isn't *actually* canon it's an ~allegory~ for an abusive relationship'#like#it's not an allegory for a relationship like they very much did have *a* relationship#you don't have to believe they fucked and sure I guess you can bend over backwards and say it was platonic#(whatever that fucking means in this context)#but a relationship very much was had#also I don't know anyone who would seriously argue that it *wasn't* abusive like c'mon#I'm sorry 18-22 y/o antis but I was in college when Not What He Seems aired and *that* was the episode that made me consider billford#the idea that the author might have had a history with bill was tossed around as far back as Dreamscaperers#and listen hell yeah it's abusive that's why it's fun and cool and sexy sorry for having good taste#I am a grown thirty year old adult with a forty hour job and one of those legendary mortgages the old timers whisper about#I have a healthy web of family friends and acquaintances even!#I like horror man it's fun#I dunno what to tell you I thought it was cool when bill possessed ford and made him drive a nail through his own hand I thought it was sex
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The ratio of 'forbidden hospital scene' fics to 'medically accurate Phoenix falls through a flaming bridge into a death river and somehow everyone who could've witnessed it is under the impression that he died' fics is kinda sad to me, I thought ppl would've really latched on to the angst potential of that.
Anyway, I'm sure the second one exists but I just... haven't been able to find it bc this fanbase is like 22 years old and idek where to even look for something like that. Like I get the first one is gay inherently and I love it, but also... I think it's fun to see him suffer. I want someone who could actually realistically depict what could've happened and how crazy it is that he survived practically unscathed, or maybe he didn't and he's real fucked up about it.
#I've only been here for like a year and a half but I haven't seen a single fic speculate about what the hell even happened once he fell#like how did he get out of the water? how bad must he have looked for everyone to think he was a goner?#I know it's always like 'oh larry must've been dramatic over the phone to edgeworth' but what if he wasnt#what if he was pretty sure Phoenix was dead or dying with little hope that he would pull through#the only larry pov fic i would read tbh#imagine the one friend that has stuck around through thick and thin dying in front of you right after learning the one person who actually#-believed in you was just murdered like that's so... i accidentally made myself sympathize with larry oh no#anyway im going to forget about the 'medically accurate' part and put my ideas for this in my Phoenix!Phoenix AU bc I have to explore it#i always go back to the best case in the trilogy... turnabout goodbyes WHO#ace attorney#pheonix wright
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last night's episodes of totnt mostly irritated me with very bad pacing, which is a shame, because I was so charmed by the lead up. there have been too many redundant meetings and also too many people stopping to monologue about how sad it will be if Lee Yeon dies. >:( I was ready to have brainworms for at least two weeks, show. Also, going into the final episodes there has still been no actual explanation for why the main character abandoned his kid brother on a burning mountain with a dead puppy aside from "he was very sad." im beginning to question whether he was locked in a hell dimension at all.
#on the bright side Lee Rang was annoying again like you don't understand people who have not watched this show#this man is SO annoying#did Lee Yeon think the kid was dead after their house burned down?#because surely! surely!!!#when your forest your little brother lives in burns to the ground you try to check up on him#unless you've been locked in a hell dimension which is what I had been assuming happened#it's also weird that they've gone through a lot of trouble to establish that Lee Yeon's devoted bff/nanny is great with kids#and yet!#we never see him with kid Lee Rang in the flashbacks and they don't come across as having been particularly close#like why#if you personally cannot deal with your sadness for long enough to pick your kid up#would you not at least send your bro who is great with kids?#i do like that the dude seems to have learned from his experiences with this family#Lee Rang rocks up sans child and he's just like WHERE IS THE CHILD DID YOU LEAVE THE CHILD ALONE#press says totnt#oooh ok I think I've figured it out#Lee Rang knows where he went#he just never heard from him again after he left#and Lee Yeon did said he tried to come back for him#so sequence of events seems to be#Lee Yeon told Lee Rang he was leaving#for samdocheon#possibly even why he was quitting being a mountain god#he thought Lee Rang would be fine on the mountain by himself with his puppy which#fine ok it seems like he was on his own with the puppy a lot anyway#he was depressed and uninvolved after that point but did not intend to ditch the kid entirely#when he found out the mountain had burned he#went back to look for him but Lee Rang had already booked it#the next he heard of him was when his face popped up on the most wanted list#and he'd either thought he was dead or had been looking for him up to that point
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confession #261
confession by @cringelordofchaos
I recently saw someone headcanon drew as AroAce and although I'm a gay drew truther I'm kinda starting to like it?
#tmf confessions#tmf#the music freaks#rosyclozy#freakblr#confessions 260-269#that's such a good headcanon tbh i love that#anyways i'm gonna rant in the tags of this post bc i can#i'm not busy lately btw i'm just lazy as hell bc i got a few projects that i could like do in 10m#but take me 2 hours to find the motivation for it 💀#i've just been busy Emotionally cause i've been going through Stuff. the Horrors are back for me and i must persevere#it doesn't stop me from reading y'alls confessions and giggling at some of them hehe#next confession is actually the socks with tights confession! one i've been waiting for to get out and stuff
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Me two hours ago: I should go take a shower.
Also me: [rediscovers my smalletho playlist on Spotify & listens to it in its 1hr52min entirety while backreading the smalletho tag on tumblr for the first time in months & having So Many Feelings about these idiots instead]
Anyway. Time to go actually shower.
While listening to my smalletho mall au fic playlist, of course.
#Also hey hi I've been gone quite a while#I have been Having A Time health-wise since like the last week of April#& in fact still am very much Having A Time with it#& part of that is related to not being able to take my ADHD/narcolepsy meds#(which is a good deal in part due to my insurance being The Worst)#but that does mean I am Tired As Fuck All The Time#& also having a Very Difficult time with things like#you know#Thinking. & Paying Attention.#in ways that have made being fandom & even just keeping up with my cubito videos#Really Fucking Hard#But I've been slowly working my way through my video backlog#& also watching Wild Life as much as I am able to#(Also the mall au playlist during shower time is not new)#(I have legit been listening to it every shower for like six months now)#(& every time I get SO MANY FEELINGS about it)#(So while I haven't been doing writing or posting)#(I have not forgotten about it)#(also also (& I will make an actual post about this part) I have decided I was being Silly As Hell)#(When I decided to move it to an adults only blog)#(that was stupid.)#(So it will be coming back here.)#(Anyway yeah I am back & I am so excited to catch up on things)
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I've been thinking about Ochako's role in the story, and thinking about how underdeveloped she was compared to Izuku, Shoto or Katsuki's, which got me thinking about it and since the manga's in its final arc and there's nothing to lose, why the heck not.
If Izuku is set up as someone born with "nothing", Shoto as born with "everything" and Katsuki as someone who was born loved, why not set Ochako as someone who wanted to give back love? It'd be a nice four-way connection/foil, considering she should've been set up as one of the main players of BNHA.
Ochako foiling Shoto alongside Izuku and Katsuki as born and raised in a loving environment, and how they've responded in comparison to his broken family unit - since she's the poorest classmates with humble beginnings and he's the son of a top 10 hero;
Ochako foiling Izuku alongside Shoto and Katsuki as born with something he "lacks" in comparison - which is both opportunity his Quirkless background wouldn't give and his shattered sense of self worth, compared to her who would be okay with being anything else but decided to be a hero for the money she could provide for her family;
Ochako foiling Katsuki alongside Izuku and Shoto as someone who started off as a hero who wants to help others in contrast to his motivation to be a hero who never loses a battle, with her sharing that same competitive streak and fighting edge while ultimately focusing on helping others before her. (Which is something Izuku does fill in the story but it could've worked imo)
This is partly because I want to imagine if she was part of the Endeavor Internship Arc, she'd benefit from forming a deep bond with the main deuteragonists on some level, if only to take her out of the preconceived notion she's there to be Izuku's love interest first and foremost- removing that aspect or using that expectation she's there to revolve around him to make her "one of the boys", give her the rotating spotlight a bit more.
But also it'd be a nice setup as as she could compare her background to Shoto and reflect on how she perceived the ideal hero vs. how flawed they can actually be, and her reason to be there could've been she's looking for a way to be strong in a way that can properly help others after Sir Nighteye's death. Imagine the bond they'd have if they were allowed to interact with each other the same way they do with Izuku and Tenya.
The less wealthy classmate with a loving and supportive family and the most wealthy and well-known classmate with a broken and dysfunctional family, two of Izuku's closer friends being inspired by him and trying to break away from the labels others pushed on them and be their own people? One with envy for a villain who reminds her of feelings she wanted to bottle up and the other whose villain's anger mirrored his former to his consumed his family for years? And yet both coming out of their experiences wanting to extend their hands to Himiko and Touya, to start anew and ease that pain?
And with the Paranormal Liberation Front Arc, you could still split her up but using that as a build up, with her and Shoto following Izuku and Katsuki, but she sees people in need of saving and decides to help others instead; make her confrontation with Himiko happen before Dabi's Dance; then let her join the battlefield shakened after spotting Gigantomachia from a distance. (Would it be cluttered? A little, but that arc was already somewhat cluttered, coming from someone who loves that arc A Lot.)
And to avoid her from being too OP, one could make her try to fight but still thinking of Himiko's tears while using her grappling hooks or Zero Gravity on debris to stop Gigantomachia- it could've foreshadow the conflicting emotions she feels are allowing her to surpass her own limits there and come back full force during her fight with Himiko later on, similar to Katsuki with his Cluster technique or Shoto developing Phosphor.
And imagine her worldview shattering even more from finding out a hero would fall so deep into obsession into being the greatest, he lost sight it what it means to be a hero and it created his own villain. Wouldn't that push her even further to try and be a hero the others can rely on, and later, the one Himiko needed? After all, if Ochako and Himiko already parallel, let's use the love thematics; they both love passionately, and unlike Himiko, Ochako didn't give up on a better world for everyone- she just realized what everyone entails.
Just thoughts from someone who'd love to see Ochako breaking out of that label of "love interest"- love and passion are a defining part of her, but her crush shouldn't be her defined role, the story itself has realized that. But it could've realized a lot sooner. It probably wouldn't have removed the fandom's perception of her, but it would've helped her in the long run, especially when the merch set her up as even more of an protagonist, and to an extent it feels like the fans want to believe she was planned to be like that when we know Horikoshi was playing around with her character until he finally settled on what to do with Himiko and wrote Ochako around it.
#spider.posts#Boku No Hero Academia#Uraraka Ochako#BNHA Spoilers#MHA Spoilers#just to be clear: yeah I'm critiquing Ochako's writing- I like her a lot but also she could've been doing so much more#I don't hate the role she plays in the final arc I'm just not a fan of the overall (rest of the story) execution yk?#I just think she deserved a bigger role that didn't somehow always circle back around ''she's probably crushing on Izuku''#before anyone says anything about it- I have beef but it's with the writing I don't wanna fight Iz//ch fans#this isn't me shading Iz//ch btw it could've gotten good/more crumbs in the arcs I've mentioned instead of feeling lackluster in comparison#hell I thought Iz//ch was cute before I watched the anime- so it's like mourning she doesn't /quite/ fulfill any of her character potential#I just wish I wasn't /constantly/ thinking she only had three big moments compared to the boys#idk it's like she's only thought of when she's being compared to BKDK + Himiko foils and that saddens me even when I ship BKDK and HMCK#Shoto kinda has the same problem but it works for him because the past haunts his family while Ochako doesn't have that kind of baggage#Her quirk would be the best metaphor: potential to hit and be impactful is there but it's only through Himiko we see it#the effort is written around her not through her
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CRIMSON RIVERS CHAP. 46 SPOILERS (minor) ❗❗
"Okay, to be fair, I'm—I'm very supportive of that for you," James mumbles with another sniffle. "I'm a good best friend. I've been a good best friend to you, haven't I?"
"The best," Sirius says softly.
"Alright. Good. I'm—" James voice catches, and he's clearly trying so very hard to keep it together. "I'm glad that I was."
"You still are, James. You always will be, until the very end."
-crimson rivers, bizarrestars, chapter 46
guys i think im going to sob, i have such a love-hate relationship with this book
prongsfoot i adore you. 😭💓
#IM ON MY KNEES.#jegulus and wolfstar break me but THIS#THIS SHATTERS ME INTO PIECES#“i've been a good best friend to you haven't i?”#“the best”#SHSHSHSHUT UP 😭😭#i will follow these sad babies through hell and back even so#crimson rivers#marauders#marauders fanfic#fanfiction#prongsfoot#james potter#sirius black#pocketedxoxo
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it's almost like if i dont let the whole world know about my new hyperfixtation i will burst into flames
#preacher's daughter both family tree songs#how she says in family tree “heaven hath no fury like a woman scorned and baby hell don't scare me i've been times before”#and western nights “i would hold the gun if you asked me to but if you love me like you say you do will you ask me to?”#the whole house in nebraska song UGH#the outro of hard times i am tired of you still tied to me bleeding whenever you want too tired to move to tired to leave#american teenager gracie's cover i love you so so so so much i do it for daddy and i do it for dale i am doing what i want DAMN i am doing#it well#ptolemaea that stop scream i am the face of love's rage blessed be the daughters of cain bound to suffering eternal through sins of their#fathers commited long before their conception that whole outro in general#i tried to be good am i no good? am i no good? am i no good?....i just wanted to be yours? am i yours? am i yours?...if i am turning in you#stomach and making you feel sick am i making you feel sick? am i making you feel sick? am i making you feel sick? is just SO AGH#also god loves you but not enough to save you I FORGIVE IT ALL AS IT COMES BACK TO ME#we know how it goes the more it hurts the less it shows but i feel like they all know and that's why i can never come back home and i spent#my life watching it go by from the sidelines and god i have tried but i think it's about time i put up a fight#and the instrumental songs their production is so so good#anyways yeah now i feel better if anyone is reading till here go listen to it thanks <3#it's great for people with family issues#v.txt
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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