#I've been seeing questions about this in comments and y'all aren't going to like most of the answers

[hashtagdrivebywrites]

hello! i love your work so damn much!! just wanted to ask, will jazz, sam, tucker be making an appearance // or maybe will we know what happened to them that they're not here with him anymore?

Hello!! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to make an Ask <3.

So, in short, yes and no? I can't specify at the moment because -jazz hands- Plot.

I was originally going to do an arc within the fic that told this story specifically through someone's memories (Frank/Frighty) or through someone digging into the 'archives' or what accounts as such in the Infinite Realms due to ✨️Bat Paranoia✨️, but it's honestly pretty awful so I changed my mind on that because Imprint has enough angst between Jason and the bats as it is.

It will get talked about a little more throughout the fic, and from different sources (hint, hint), so y'all can at least piece the picture together.

[csainzoperator]

baby : CL16 ☆

summary: y/n horner has dropped a new single. its a sexy and fun song. but y/n had broken up 4 years ago, and since then there was one superhit album with a sad and shady vibe. new year, new y/n? or new man? let's find out.

(charles leclerc × singer!reader)

trigger warnings: sexual intendos, typos (tried my best to not make any)

face claim: barbara palvin

read more under the cut!

y/nusername has posted!

hi, lovers. i know its been quite a while since you've heard from me but hey! i'm back and my single "baby" is dropping on friday, 8/12/23. stay tuned for more updates. love you all always, i thank each one of you as i wouldn't be here if it weren't for you guys 💋

liked by taylorswift, landonorris, charles_leclerc and 928,712,821 others

christianhorner proud of you, darling ❤️

- gerihalliwellhorner WE are proud of you (the spice girl inside me is squeaking)

landonorris GO BESTIE

- y/nusername ILY DUMBASS

carlossainz55 all the drivers can't wait for this! (we all are disgusted on the inside)

- y/nusername 🤭🤭

- estiebestieee GIRL WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

- y/nloverrr stop....DOES THAT MEAN THE DRIVERS HAVE HEARD THE SONG ALREADY

- pierregasly 🤐

y/nfann YOU LOOK SO PRETTY

paddockclubb y'all wondering if the drivers have heard the song when i'm out here questioning reality cos CHARLES LECLERC HAS LIKED THIS POST.

it was the end of season lunch and you were kind of nervous as you would finally be telling your parents about charles and you. your friends were thrilled but you just didn't know how your father would react.

the heavenly creatures and godly people had given you a blessing. BECAUSE NO WAY IN HELL YOUR FATHER KNEW ABOUT IT ALL ALONG?

"you aren't letting him in on any red bull secrets now, are you?" your father questioned you. and you replied right back, with mock seriousness. "you mean have i told him how max cuddles his cats and how checo never stops talking about mexican food? yes dad i've kept that a secret." your boyfriend lets out a chuckle as you finish your sentence, squeezing your thigh below the table.

"aww maxie you're a softie at heart" lando teases him as max glares at you playfully. the brunch was a success and you just couldn't wait to get back to the hotel with charles because, oh dear lord. he looked absolutely ravishing. divine. sublime even. and he knew what was on your mind, the way his hands kept brushing yours, his soft kisses when no one was looking. you felt it all.

y/nusername has posted!

fancy hotel but this is how we showed up 🤞🏼 liked by christianhorner, charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 99,827 others.

landonorris oooh who's that hot man

- y/nusername carlossainz55 come get your child

- carlossainz55 my apologies

- carlaaaando EXACTLY WHO IS THAT MAN

charles_leclerc 🌟

y/nusername has liked this comment

- f1wags WTF ARE Y'ALL SEEING THIS.

- estiebestiee if y/n and charles are a thing. I'M NOT READY FOR THIS 🖐🏼

y/nloverr OK BUT THE UPGRADE THO. from that trash guy 4 years ago to charles mfkin leclerc 🙏🏼

it was the big day. your single was about to drop today and your boyfriend was lying down on your lap, telling you how he would LOVE to tell the world that the song was about him. you agreed, it was about him. he slowly got up and wrapped his arms around your waist, letting his hands slip under your shirt.

"aren't we getting cheeky now, mr leclerc?" you teased. "oh we are just getting started, baby" he mumbles as he kisses down your neck. and just like that, he made your big day much more special by his, let's say, needy touches.

y/nusername has posted!

"baby" out now on all platforms! enjoy streaming. sending kisses 💋 liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, lewishamilton and 288,718,123 others.

y/nfannn "baby, baby, do i taste like candy, sugarcoated he says i'm the most sweet" UM GUYS????? I'M NOT OK 🖐🏼

landonorris great song ig 🙄

- y/nusername oh cmon we all know you love it

lewishamilton great job, sis. got a sick beat 🖤

y/nusername has liked this comment

f1wags GUYS. I'M 100% SURE THAT'S CHARLES' BACK.

- carlandooo RAH STOP I'M WEAK IN MY KNEES RN

y/nloverrr "i'm a handful but, that's what hands are for. pin me to the floor, treat it like its yours" SCREAMING YELLING KICKING MY FEET IN THE AIR GN. she ate that up 🙏🏼

charles_leclerc 🤭

charles_leclerc has posted!

"baby" is ab me. y'all can cry now 🤭 liked by y/nusername, arthur_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 287,112,123 others.

y/nusername i love you, baby.

- charles_leclerc NAH. i love you more.

- y/nusername shut up, i will kill every person who says against me, i love you more.

- charles_leclerc wow look at you making me all scared AND getting me horny at the same time.

landonorris UM. I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT.

pierregasly THERE ARE KIDS ON THIS APP.

maxverstappen1 why y'all acting like we didn't know since ages. anyways. *pretends to be shook* CONGRATS GUYS!

y/nleclercfan PARENTS 🤞🏼

lechairrr y/n basically told us how good charles is in bed by her song 😭

f1wags HAH. I KNEW IT. I SAW IT COMING BUT I'M STILL SO SHOOK RN?????

scuderiaferrari red looks good on you guys ❤️

the end ♡

[axtivaqe]

Life is strange Double Exposure is NOT canon

So its been getting around that Chloe isn't gonna be in Lis DE and I have never been more devastated in my life. Deck nine said they were going to respect the 2 decisions that players could've made, yet they practically said "fuck you" and took Chloe out of the picture. I just don't understand why though, like 50% of the fanbase picked sacrifice Arcadia bay and it was mainly because we are huge pricefield shippers (idk about y'all but I am). And their not stupid, they know about the pricefield ship and how much people wanted to see Chloe and Max in another game. They literally said they were going to follow through with the original games and the 2 decisions at the end, but then they completely scrap the idea of Chloe and Max being together, and they didn't even want to tell us. People had been asking about Chloes role in DE since the game first got announced, so why would they leave our questions unanswered for so long? It makes no sense on their behalf and its js overall bad marketing, They made it out that Chloe left Max because she didn't want to do long distance, but thats not Chloe at all. Chloe is the girl who dedicated her WHOLE journal to letters for/to Max in before the storm, Chloe is the girl who wrote "and she probably has all new friends up in fucking Seattle, i still miss her. if she came back tomorrow and said "hey Chloe, want to dress up like pirates and be stupid together?" i would take her back in a heartbeat." after she hadn't seen or spoken to her for 3 years, Chloe is the girl who told max that they would last forever and that she would never leave her. They completely mischaracterised her and made the whole sacrifice Arcadia bay option pointless, they spent 10 years together and Chloe throws it away because she cant do temporary long distance? Thats not like her at all. I see people saying "its realistic though, a relationship built from trauma isn't healthy" and it really annoys me, like yes their right, but thats in the real world, its a game about a girl who can jump between realities which isn't realistic at all. And don't even get me started on the rumour about Chloe flirting with VICTORIA.

But the game still isn't out yet, I mean we only have the first 2 episodes and I'm not sure if all of this is confirmed (if it is how do we know when we only have the 2 episodes?) or if people are just taking the 2 episodes and their story line, and then putting the pieces together. I was having a convo with someone in the comments under a yt video by Cucu on Games about how Chloe will be in DE (the video was made 3 weeks ago before all this info came out) and we both thought that maybe Chloe will come back into max's life in one of the last episodes, maybe she misses Max and hears about what happened with her friend Safi and comes to see her and reconnect with her, because surely Deck nine, a huge game company who know what their fanbase wants, wouldn't use false advertising by making us think Chloe is gonna be in the game only to scrap that idea after saying they wanted to respect and follow the two choices players could have made.

Its a really controversial opinion and I've seen a few people say it makes sense and its part of Max's character development, but Id say most of the fanbase isn't happy about this whole thing. I mean of course I'm happy to be able to see Max in another game, and we're lucky to even be getting another lis game. But to make us think we're going to see Chloe and then let us find out that we aren't is just bad marketing. If they never intended to have Chloe in the game then why wouldn't they answer everyones question, 'Is Chloe going to make a physical appearance?' (they would've 100% seen people asking because their social media pages are flooded with the one question about Chloe) Lmk what you think tho, and if you made it all the way through this then thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this long ass rant 😭

[arwamachine]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tag, @discordantwords!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 18 fics, plus 1 collection of poetry

2. What's your total A03 word count? 1,032,993 (I am a wordy motherfucker)

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently only BBC Sherlock

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Indefinite Lines

To Stand Before the Storm

Sleepwalkers

You Might Just as Well Be Blind

Matchmaking for Solitary Animals

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? When I'm actively posting a fic I do, but when I'm not posting I fall behind and then the inbox gets overwhelming so I avoid it and then it gets even more overwhelming so I avoid some more and now we've really reached critical mass and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I do read them all, though, and they make me happy in my heart

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? We don't really do angsty endings over at ArwaMachine, LLC. Monsters in the Woods come close (iykyk - I see y'all's screams in that last chapter), and Oh How the Ghost of You Clings ends with Sherlock still on hiatus, but we're all about that happy ending over here (...for now)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? They've all got happy endings; the heavier the angst, the happier the ending! I feel like Indefinite Lines has a pretty happy ending, and if you consider the Bonus Lines then we're really in Fluffy McFluff territory.

So Grant Us All a Change of Heart also has a pretty happy ending (and a hefty dose of angst in all the preceding chapters)

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not really, thank god. There's been a few frowny-face comments here and there, but overall folks have been lovely.

9. Do you write smut? HECK YES I DO! C'MON OVER TO ARWAMACHINE'S HOUSE O SMUT AND LOAD UP ON YOUR SPICE! WE SPECIALIZE IN TOPLOCK AND I WILL NOT BE APOLOGIZING FOR THAT

10. Do you write crossovers? Nah, not really my thing

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I have! Sleepwalkers has been translated into Spanish, and Storm has been translated into Russian! Always happy when fics get translated :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, and let me tell you that I would be the worst co-writer in the history of co-writers. Nobody ever write anything with me ever--I am a fucking nightmare

14. What's your all-time favourite ship? Sherlock & John, although these days I'm also feeling myself some Gentlebeard

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have a goddamn post-fall fic where John develops panic disorder that I've been "working on" since 2021 and I AM GOING TO FINISH IT. I AM. I AM GOING TO FINISH THE MOTHERFUCKER IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO

16. What are your writing strengths? I think I write the feelings well, and I'd like to think I can create scenes that bring out the intended feels in readers. I also think (/hope) I handle scene pacing decently--action scenes feel fast-paced but not rushed, slower scenes take their time but aren't slogs, etc.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Fight scenes. Dear christ do I hate writing fight scenes. I also really don't understand how commas work.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I have exactly two words in Russian in Lines and that is going to be the extent of it! Trying not to make an uncultured ass out of myself over here...

19. First fandom you wrote for? BBC Sherlock. I'm like that kid who married their high school sweetheart. That is to say, I make questionable decisions.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? Okay, so I love all of my fics and my answer tends to be whichever fic I've most recently written, but I've got to say that I love Lines so much. I put my whole soul into that fic for, like, over a year of my life, I researched the ever loving fuck out of it (who's reading up on amputation procedures? this gal!), I created a working cypher for the motherfucker, I permanently changed my relationship with Brahms' lullaby, and I got to meet Rosie, who remains my favorite character that I've ever written, ever. So Lines is my favorite child. Good child.

I tag anyone who wants to be tagged, for I am bad at tagging!

[somuchwhatever]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Got tagged by @somewhereapart, and I figured y'all may be sick of seeing me just post fic so here ya go.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

88

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

305,612

3. What fandoms do you write for?

AO3 tells me I've written for Battlestar Galactica, Buffy, General Hospital, Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: OC, Lie To Me, Stargate: Atlantis, Stargate SG-1, and The West Wing. And I honestly can't think of any others outside of just ficlets I've tossed into the wild over the years.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Flinktober 2022 (EO, SVU/OC)

i remember skies (EO, SVU/OC)

gala (EO, SVU/OC)

bizarre love triangle (EO, SVU/OC)

Chautauqua (EO, SVU/OC)

I did not include one that was cowritten with a bunch of other people because I will always assume the kudos are for them.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

As often as possible. If someone takes the time to comment, I want them to know that i care enough to acknowledge and thank them for that kindness and effort. Especially when I write mostly for a fandom where I've seen people specifically state that they will read works but NOT comment on them as some sort of punishment for whatever random/imaginary fandom sins the writer whose free content they are enjoying has committed. That's just dumb and unkind, so I make the effort to let people know their comments are appreciated, even if it takes weeks to circle back.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm. There are several chapters in the first flink posting that would qualify, but I'm going to go with my largest Sam/Jack (SG-1) fic, Gravity Sings. It's hard to pretend it's not angsty when you've literally killed off half the planet.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm. Not really sure. I'm a sucker for fluffy endings, so I tend to write them quite a bit. Maybe waltz or Chautauqua?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Occasionally, but I shut it down quickly. If you come up in someone's space where someone is providing you free entertainment and be rude? Don't expect a pass from me about it. The scroll bar isn't difficult to use, and neither is the back button. I use it frequently on poorly-written works or things that may be well-written but just aren't my thing. What I don't do is sling entitlement issues around demanding things be written to my satisfaction (unless you employ my beta services, in which case, you asked for it!). :D

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I never really did prior to the first flink experiment, and I created that experiment purely to practice writing smut. Well, I take that back. @rgrdsalxndra would be the first to remind me I'd often cockblock Elliot and Olivia by having them dream-smutting without real-life release. But I started that project with the express purpose of getting better and more comfortable with writing smut, so I'm making that the hinge point.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Because SVU and OC are different shows, I write them regularly. But if you mean out-of-universe crossovers, I've only really written one, R.E.M. (SGA, BSG, Buffy). It was based on a prompt from an LJ friend, "Elizabeth Weir, Kara Thrace, and Buffy Summers walk into a bar..."

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware. There are much better people out there to steal from. Also, I always assume if something is similar to what I've written, it's because fandom truly does become a hivemind at some point. Nothing new under the sun and all.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware. If I had to guess, I'd say Gravity Sings would be the most likely candidate since SG-1 fandom is probably the most global and that fic has been around much longer than any other likely candidates.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Wrote Wet Dream with much better smut writers than myself in a group chat, and a bunch of us in SG-1 fandom way back in the day once built an SG-1 AU loosely based on The Big Bang Theory called The House That Jack Built, and I have several entries in that little universe.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

How does anyone pick this??? I love them all for different reasons. I will say EO has a grip on me nobody else ever has, but then they have that 25 year slow burn that is just absolutely and sickly delicious.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Glazed and Fired (SGA) was originally the first part of a 5 Things fic that got away from me, and I had always intended to go back and finish it but eventually just put it away for good. I fully intend to finish my others (Skies, I'm looking at you).

16. What are your writing strengths?

Grammar. Economy of language (this is also sometimes a weakness). Getting into the head of characters who are typically very closed off.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I feel my writing is way too mechanical. I'm also still not comfortable writing smut. I always walk around with a sense of imposter syndrome with my writing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'm literally one class shy of a degree in French, and I had to write many upper level term papers in that language, but let me assure you I have zero plans to ever write in another language. I sincerely applaud those of you who do.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Stargate SG-1

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Geez. It probably changes regularly, and I'm hesitant to say because my faves are never anyone else's. all i ever wanted (a rather dark Elliot-centric fic) holds a very dear spot in my heart just because of how my muse just grabbed a keyboard and churned it out. This is not a popular opinion, and hardly anyone read it, but I still love it a lot. And just because it was the first fic I wrote that was widely recc'd, I have a soft spot for Things Not Dreamed (SG-1), a Sam & Jack & Daniel fic written from Daniel's POV.

tagging in a no-pressure way (and sorry for any double tags):

@morethanwords229, @whatbecomesofyou, @samwrites99, @rgrdsalxndra, @shut-upjohn, and anyone else who wants to do it!

[alex51324]

Some fairly serious news

Okay, so, I've been hesitating over whether/how/when to mention this "in public" but there are a bunch of people on here that I've known for ages, and most of y'all I don't have another contact method for, so...anyway.

A couple weeks ago I mentioned having a trans-abdominal pelvic ultrasound, which found some masses on my ovaries. These masses are fairly large--one's 18 cm and the other is 7.5--and based on that and some other findings from the ultrasound, my GP has referred me to a gynecologic oncologist. The oncologist (who I haven't seen yet) ordered some bloodwork, which is showing elevated levels of the tumor marker for ovarian cancer. None of these things necessarily always indicate cancer--in fact, what I'm learning is that they often don't know for sure whether a person's got ovarian cancer until after surgery when they get the tumor in the lab--but they aren't great signs.

I'm basically at the point where it's starting to look vanishingly unlikely that this story arc is going to end up as "those couple of weeks where I thought I might be dying but then when I finally had the appointment the Dr. was like LOL you're fine." Like, it could still turn out fine, but not that quickly.

I'm getting a CT scan on this coming Thursday, and then seeing the oncologist next Thursday. I'm pretty much expecting to be referred for surgery--probably the absolute best-case scenario here is something like, "Holy cow, these things could turn malignant any second, let's get them out of there ASAP."

So that's what's going on with me.

I don't particularly need anything now--I've got a family member to go to the appointment with me, and decent insurance, and another family member who can help out with my expenses if I have to take some time off work. If the money situation becomes more complicated and I need to fundraise, I'll let you guys know.

I'm planning to mostly use Tumblr as a place to distract myself from this stuff, so let's try to keep questions and suggestions to a minimum--if you have relevant, direct experience that is somewhat positive/optimistic in nature, that would be good to hear about, but I am a librarian, I don't need help Googling my symptoms.

Once I know what the treatment plan is, I'll probably post again to ask for practical suggestions (I've never had surgery or been overnight in a hospital before, so if that's part of the plan, I'll want some tips about what to pack and so on, and ideas for suitable entertainment while on post-op pain meds, stuff like that). But I'll ask when I'm ready for those tips.

What you can do:

If you have a relevant spiritual practice--prayer, holding in the light, sending positive energy, etc.--please go ahead and do some of that. The oncology appt. is the 21st; as far as I'm concerned, until then I have Schrodinger's cancer, so if there's a time when it's at all possible to shift the probabilities using intangible means, this is probably it. You can tell me about it or not, either way is fine.

Like I said, I'll be on Tumblr for distraction purposes, so feel free to @ me on anything you come across that might amuse me.

Also, on the distraction front, comments on my fics give me a notification on my phone that isn't a family member asking for details about my medical situation, so that's helpful. I like ones that mention a specific detail that you liked--that way, if I feel like talking, there's something there that I can reply to.

[bengiyo]

Hi! I'm here for the ask game and ready for you to choose violence! I'm interested in questions #3, 12, 18, and 25. If you don't mind, I want to narrow these questions to BL only, unless you have a particularly violent non-BL answer that's too good not to share. I don't have any specific BLs in mind, but if a restriction like "only those that finished or will finish airing this year" or "not this year" is interesting or productive, have at it. Thanks!

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

I'm just gonna keep talking about La Pluie. I saw multiple reactions calling most of episode 8 boring. I am sorry, but if you came to the show interrogating the concept of soulmates and were bored because the two romantic leads said that they choose each other even if they aren't destined to be together, I think you are too jaded and need to take a break from romance.

Sincerely, it baffles me to see people engaging with genre stories and seemingly getting mad that a show is playing around with the conventions of the drama. The spoiler culture brain rot is destroying media literacy and it really makes me sad that it seems like we're chasing the high of something new and unexpected. This on the website of the people reading the same kind of fanfic for the umpteenth time to get their fix.

I just don't get going into romance and being mad that they're doing the big romance things in a show literally about big romance.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I am going to interpret this to mean a character that the fandom doesn't like, and not just someone that folks don't know about. I could write about Uncle Man from 21 Days Theory, and I've already written about Framboise.

So I'm going to write about Korn from UWMA. Sometimes I will say on the podcast that "y'all don't like gay men when we're not pretty, funny, sexy, or entertaining." I have to suffer through comments about how Kao is a bad actor or that Korn sucks all the time, and both are wrong. Y'all just don't care about the stoic gay boys that try their damndest to pass and quietly suffer.

Korn is a tragic character because he was trying to be the man that he was expected to be, and then Intouch came along. He was harsh to Intouch throughout much of their romance because he knew what he was going to do. You can see the pain leaking out of that man's eyes the entire time. Intouch tried to save him. Hell, they brought Perth Tanapon to cry about their deaths to hammer home how sad the whole thing was.

It just makes me really sad sometimes around here that we're only ever going to get worked up about the loud and flamboyant characters, or the especially pretty and charming ones.

I am here for characters like Korn (UWMA), Mamoru (Kabe Koji), Shiro (WDYEY), Mitsuru (EY), Teh (IPYTM), Cairo (Gameboys), Shin (3WBF), Inthawut (180DLPTU), and many more.

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

Currently, I feel some kinda way about how people keep looking for reasons to hate Patts in La Pluie, as if his ideal partner signalling is somehow to be mistrusted. It's just a bit sad for me that folks seem determined to hate the lead in this.

I don't really ever get second lead syndrome that often, so everyone on the Lomfon-Tai train confuses me. Lomfon is RUDE, and I do not fuck with that boy.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Not a specific complaint, but I've said many times around here that I really hate when folks abuse the tools of criticism to say that they didn't like something. Y'all really don't need to pathologize why you don't like something and reach for flaws in the storytelling or production to justify why you don't like something.

We are a niche fandom. We are not seeing the huge sums of money poured into our productions that huge setpieces are going to get. Y'all need to show a little fucking grace to the creators bringing these things to us.

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hey BPP!

I came across this post about the ‘slave room’ that I think you might know already. Here’s the post https://old.reddit.com/r/kpop/comments/m4cdy9/a_slave_room_was_created_to_monitor_users_spread

I remember you talking about how you and your friends consistently reported a lot (hundreds???? of antis and their misinformation a few years ago and now this. The post talks about this room mainly targeting girl groups like Twice and a couple of comments down there was even a mention of STAND, the anti fans of SNSD who really wanted to bring them down. Reading this blew my mind because with the amount and reach of their organization feels like miles ahead than an organized group of trolls and antis that I thought most idol groups dealt with.

Does BTS have something like this? Because when I read your post on antis I was under the impression that it was a small group of head antis with a few minions to do the legwork. This slave room actually spent tons of money on this smear campaign. It comes off to me that they might have backing from a company but maybe I just can’t believe that people would waste their cash on something so petty lmao. Time maybe but not money. It sounds like a real campaign almost like QAnon or MAGA, which is scary to think about!!!! The users say that their k-fandom worked against it but weren’t successful as much until it was uncovered by the media. They didn’t even contact the gg’s agency for help. Are K-Army aggressive when it comes to squashinh down stuff like this?? Antis are scary and unhinged 😭😭😭😭😭

***

Hi Anon,

Your link.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the anti 'slave rooms' are well known. Antis in k-pop are a very special breed and yes sometimes there is corporate backing for that hate. I mean, the most recent example of that is Kakao's Idol Lab expose that newspapers in Korea reported in November 2022. For anyone who doesn't know, Kakao (the same Kakao that SM stans would rather have their idols be managed by, rather than HYBE), funded a group known for 'reverse viral marketing' that specialized in creating and spreading hate and malicious rumors against Aespa, Le Sserafim, NewJeans, Itzy, Garam, and a few other rival groups, while simultaneously creating and boosting positive posts for IVE, Monsta X, Wonyoung i.e. groups under their Starship music label. The company claimed that group of haters were third-party contractors and that Kakao wasn't aware of what they were doing, but given this is same Kakao that rigged a music talent show so extremely and blatantly that some of their staff went to prison, many people clearly don't buy it.

Now, here's a quick quiz. It's more of a temp/sense check to see if from all I've been writing about the k-pop industry and HYBE / BTS / ARMYs' relationship with it so far, you've learned something and can answer the following questions correctly.

Did that very damning revelation impact Kakao at all?

Did fans of SM groups who learned their favourite idols/groups were explicitly targeted by Kakao, care in any meaningful way?

Did those fans care when Kakao was revealed to want to acquire management rights of their idols/groups? And what about after Kakao was revealed to have pursued illegal means of acquiring SM shares?

Does the wider k-pop fandom view Kakao as worse or similar to HYBE?

Has this revelation impacted any of Kakao's groups in any meaningful way since then?

Do you think the reaction of k-pop stans to Kakao's manipulation would be the same if HYBE was found to have done the same?

*

I'm kind of curious to know what your answers are.

Anyway, by this point I hope that when I say the behaviours you see in k-pop fandoms are structurally supported, and that ARMY (for most of the fandom's existence so far) has borne the brunt of acting counter-cultural to the dominant behaviours you see here, as has BigHit and BTS going against many industry norms, and that many people in k-pop fandoms aren't here for the right reasons, I hope that by this point y'all can see I'm not talking outta my ass.

Many people here get into k-pop for the shiny veneer of perfection, of bright MVs, crisp choreos, and hot Asian celebrities who engage in the sort of fan service only rockstars of old got away with, but they stay for the fanwars, for the long-running feuds between fandoms, for the constant picking apart of idols and groups they dislike, for the hope that one day the groups/fandoms they hate will experience a reckoning... - people stay for the hate. Many of them do absorb all sorts of conspiracy theories about BTS and groups/idols they hate and yes, it can take on a Q-Anon quality.

There's a lot that's fucked up in this industry and not even HYBE is completely spotless, but what matters for a lot of the people in this space is making an example of the one group that was the anomaly, and the company and fandom that helped them rise above it all. I'm not even trying to be alarmist or sycophantic, this is literally just the reality I've observed for years.

This is one reason I suggest you simply report and block when you see hate, don't engage with the hate or give people/spaces with a taste for it any oxygen. It's why when I see people engage in 'discourse' where they simply fan up theories or unilaterally negative critiques about groups (and especially BTS), I just check out.

Now that k-pop has gotten even more international exposure courtesy of BTS, it is potentially even more lucrative than before, and so the stakes have only gotten higher. But the players are still used to relying on their unsavory playbook and see no reason to change because the wider k-pop industry and fandom is more than okay with it. I mean, just look at the Kakao-SM deal and k-pop fandom's reaction to it even after the police have just raided their offices...

The quality of music BTS makes is more than enough reason to focus only on them and that. Their personalities and group chemistry are a wonderful bonus. And their history and relationship in this industry for anyone who understands the dynamics here, is only the cherry on top. This is one reason it sometimes annoys me when ARMYs let it get to them or act just as unhinged, disgusting, and stupid as many of the folks who only 3-4 years before they couldn't stand.

Sigh, oh gosh I've rambled again. Lol writing abridged versions is hard. But I hope you got your answer Anon.

[paperboy-pb]

Now that the prologue is done, I can't thank the fans of this series enough.

No, we haven't hit any particular follower milestone. The story has just begun. And most of you haven't given me any sort of financial support to help me out, either. (And that's alright! I haven't asked, lol.)

I'm thanking you for just being apart of the audience.

I started PB in a little blue notebook during the summer of 2015. It was originally meant for my eyes only. And a big part of the reason why was that, when I googled things like "Special Ed makes me feel bad," there wouldn't be much of anything coming up. There were Quora forums! A couple of YouTube videos. Articles here and there.

But it wasn't a lot. Not enough to help me out for long. And it only hammered the idea further into my head that I was alone in what I endured. As I got older, grew up, and away from the program and people who took my disabled youth, I constantly felt this urge to talk about it. What SpEd had put me through. What I'd lost. What I'd seen & heard. The things I did and didn't learn. Even though I was never a very open kid, let alone teenager.

I hated that no one was talking about it. And how nobody knew what happened to kids like me behind closed doors. At 13 and 14, almost none of the new friends I made had ever heard a life story like mine. And I've always found that wild: I had a LOT of friends! (Still do!)

So I kept drawing it out. Kept working on the story in notebooks, sketchbooks, my friends' DMs, and anywhere else words could go. Sometimes, my family would catch glimpses of the concept art. Sad sketches of Matthew crying, freaky drafts of Monster, or tense moments between what would become Class 7-C.

And one of my parents would be like, "Why is your art so depressing?" They'd roll their eyes. And they'd add on, "People's parents aren't gonna like it!"

No, I never told them what the story was about. I never even told them it was a children's media (because it kinda isn't! I'd personally put PB as 13+?) These were judgments made with just one glance at computer papers covered in pencil strokes; sketchy and shapey little kids who didn't look like they were having fun.

I knew they were wrong. But the audacity still pissed me off. There aren't many times where it's appropriate to boss somebody else around in how to tell their story, you know? Not only that, but I also worried about not having an audience back then. Sure, all my friends loved my work. But at the time, I was the only one who'd really experienced anything "Special Education" in life. Thus, these were General Ed kids watching it unfold. Able-bodied eyes and (as far as I knew back then) neurotypical minds, watching and learning from whatever I made.

And I liked that. But that wasn't the only group I wanted to be seen by. I wanted disabled people, especially youth in their teens and twenties, to see it. That's my primary audience. And shit like that made me wonder if I'd ever find it. Had me second-guessing myself a little, you know?

But I shook it off. It's like that thing teachers always say in class. "If you're confused or have a question, ask: whatever it is, you probably aren't the only one thinking it!"

And I searched for stuff like PAPERBOY, hadn't I? Yeah. I had. So by that logic, other people definitely would be, too.

So I stuck to my guns, and... check it! Y'all showed up!

One thing I've noticed ever since publishing part 1 is that the PB Nation is pretty damn devoted. You guys have been patient, passionate, silly, and unapologetically yourselves since the get-go. And the response to every old promotional comic or post I've made has been OVERWHELMINGLY positive and curious. I've gotten fucking fanart, man! More than once! I've had the honor of meeting a few of you in person already! And for the ones who haven't caught me out with my friends in New York, believe me, I REMEMBER who comments what.

By the way, you guys should spam my comments more. Fuckin' love that shit. SPEAK TO ME, lmao. Even if it's like, the most irrelevant PB question ever. Keyboard smash in my comment sections. Send me disability reels you like. Tell me what you wanna see from the story. Whatever, as long as it doesn't bleed into parasocial territory!

I've gotta have one of the best audiences out there. So thank you! For just... being around. Here's to hoping y'all enjoy the journey we're aboutta go on.

[darthsassacre]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

@spyscrapper decided to let me inflict this on y'all, so blame them.

1: How many works do you have on AO3?

55, but most of them aren't exactly complete.

2: What's your total AO3 word count?

Apparently I've hit 1,015,917, which means I crossed the million mark and??? fucking when???

3: What fandoms do you write for?

I write for Star Wars and World of Warcraft mostly, but I have dabbled with Mass Effect, Star Trek, and even some Dragon Age WIPs on a back burner somewhere.

4: What are your top five fics by kudos?

This one is trickier, because a lot of my fics with higher numbers only have those numbers because of that fucking kudos bot that was running around rampant for several months a while back and it hit a lot of my KOTOR stuff, so I went in and manually counted the humans who have touched these things and left a kudos.

"Things The Crew of the Ebon Hawk Are Not Allowed To Do" is at the top with 47, which is amazing considering that it's literally just one of those rules shitfics that I crowdsourced rules on lol. I feel like this might be one I revisit at some point, though, once my KOTOR muse returns from the war.

"I don't wanna hear your absolution (hope you're ready for a revolution)" is at 38. That's a bit less surprising, but it is odd that every few months a new one appears. The fandom is really starved for Revan and gang fucking shit up in the prequels huh?

"teenagers scare the livin' shit out of me" is hilariously at 35. Hilariously bc it's legit just a High Republic Jedi sex ed class fic that I wrote while actually teaching (or rather just babysitting while the student teacher did the actual teaching) but yeah. It also started as a convo about a completely different fic so uh... bosovir's bathwater server this is y'all's fault.

"oh, should my people fall then surely I'll do the same" is at 26 kudos and just... this fandom really isn't okay huh. This started off as an angst one shot that became a two shot and oops I'm on the 7th installment of this fucking series now. I'm coming back to it for sure at some point these shits are getting therapy

"there's a line that we'll cross (and there's no return)" is at 24, which is also a bit surprising bc at times it feels like the KOTOR fandom is six people and a gizka, but hey. This one has also been tapped recently. It was shaken gently and a few words fell out, so progress.

5: Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

For the most part, yes. There are some that I don't, and honestly that's because I genuinely just... forget. Chances are I'll approve a comment (I moderate those routinely) and end up doing something else and then forget to go back and reply. I love them all though (mostly. There's one guy I beef with in the comments but it's amicable).

6: What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh this is a tricky one. Uh... it's probably a tie between "I am your ghost (a fallen angel)" in which I make Rising Storm worse and "I want you to lose (like I lose when I play what could have been)" which is Malak being his morose asshole self. Seeing as how both those titles are from the same song, well... yeah.

7: What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This one might have to be "we can light up the sparks in our eyes" which was my Jedi June 2022 fic and I just adore it so much. There's some angst here, sure, but it's got a really adorable ending that was honestly an accident but I will die for that headcanon.

8: Do you get hate on fic?

On AO3, no. There was some shit on ff dot net but eh. Joke's on them, I have improvised, adapted, overcome.

9: Do you write smut?

I'm going to let Hope (@geekygirlexperience) explain this one BECAUSE IT IS ENTIRELY HER FAULT THAT THE IDIOTS IN QUESTION ARE IN MY HEAD RENT FREE legit never once and then these two idiots took up residence and here i am. they're paying rent with smut i guess

10: Do you write crossovers?

Half my brand at this point is random crossover shit. Like legit almost all my fics on ff dot net were low traffic because they were all crossovers and nobody went into those categories really. I have like... five planned right now? And a few posted. There's even a death knight Darth Vader that I have poked recently for ideas because that's still funny to me. And because Koltira and Thassarian deserve more fics.

11: Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not by a person, but those scraper apps sure get on my fucking nerves for free.

12: Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I would love to see it happen! If anyone sees this and wants to, here's your permission. Go nuts, I wanna see how it goes! I can't read more than English yet but by god I can figure enough out to get the gist of it.

13: Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Also no, but I would also love to try at some point! Closest I've gotten was the peanut galleries offering ideas and crowdsourcing.

14: What's your all time favorite ship?

You know what, I don't actually have an all time favorite. I am a multishipper I have a whole goddamn fleet of these things. But we'll pick by fandom, yes? KOTOR is Revan/Alek/Carth and I will die on that damn hill it takes two idiots to manage the worse idiot. THR is a solid tie between the Firebrands (there's a trend here) and Kantam/Cohmac, though Reathbell is a very, very close second. WoW is Halduron/Aethas bc oops the fandom convinced me. I'm actually writing them in the near future bc the fandom has once again got me back on my disaster elves bullshit. Goddamn chris metzen just had to go and announce a quel'thalas xpac...

15: What's a WIP you want to finish but probably won't?

As much as I hate to say that any of them won't be finished, for sure any prompt month or prompt series fics that aren't already finished definitely aren't getting a completed marking. I love the prompts, but... if I can't get them done that month I never will.

16: What are your writing strengths?

I'm passing on this one lol it's too late at night and my brain too fried from this week at work and other assorted bullshit

17: What are your writing weaknesses?

See above

18: Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I rather enjoy it, it spices things up and you can learn a lot about how languages work by having to string together sentences. And sometimes it's fun to let your characters be assholes in their native languages and everyone else just has the knowledge that this was an insult but no idea who it was directed towards or what it actually was about. I'll do this with Mando'a a fair bit and then drop the translations in the notes, but try and get the general gist across in the writing.

19: First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars. Back in 7th grade and it's on paper never to be seen by the light of the internet.

20: Favorite fic you've written?

Surprisingly, it's "To Start Again", which is a modern AU WoW fic but like 9-1-1 and Grey's Anatomy flavored (don't ask me how I came upon this idea, there may have been strong pain meds involved at the time, that was the summer I almost broke my leg on the basement stairs). This particular fic has been idling for a bit, but uh... it's actually the bulk of my NaNo this year. I'll start posting the rewritten chapters and new content in the new year once I build up a cushion.

Anyway, if you see this (and that includes you Hope if you want to as I kinda made you see this XD) consider yourself tagged. I'm horrible about remembering most URLs honestly I had to check Discord to remember Lee's URL like???

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I A VENOMOUS INTERLUDE

Did y'all know symbrock is canon? Well, now you do. Reader's favourite deadbeat surrogate uncle is in town and he brought a... Friend. No warnings, just a boatload of crack and fluff, as usual. Reader being mouthy. Takes place a little bit into the future - around after chapter 32: spoiler alert is useless because we already know a tonybrucestrange/reader quartet is the endgame. 💖💝✨

"What," I had to pause for a second for my brain to catch up with my eyes. "The fuck?!"

It was truly a miracle I could say anything out loud, at all. Words weren't valid enough to describe my shock and confusion. The scene unfolding in front of me resembled and unholy cross between a B-rated horror movies about demonic possession and some deep-sea Eldritch monstrosity.

The eight-feet tall black, oozing dude in front of me? Yes, you, with the teeth. Ctulhu called, he wants his tentacles back.

The creature honest to god rippled, like some nightmare-fuel goth Jell-O, rapidly shrinking in size within seconds. As more of the black tar-like substance receded, a much more human form started to appear under it. Worn jeans, leather jacket, ungroomed beard and the look of a biker gang member coming off a serious bender.

"Uh, Princess?"

"Eddie. Fucking. Brock. Uncle Idiot." I punctuated each word with an increasing widening of my eyes. The world was fucking nuts. Two and two did not compute - Eddie might have looked threatening to some people - like white suburban Karens - even without the... Gooey squid-on-steroids thing he had going on. The man was built like a fucking brick shithouse, but I knew him way too well. Eddie couldn't be that badass to save a life.

"You two know each other?" Tony shrieked indignantly, a coarseness in his voice that indicated only one thing: my boo was well into his third drink. Hell, I didn't blame him - that gaping toothy maw was fucking gnarly.

Hands on my hips, I caught myself slipping into a mute rage, storming over to the 200lbs worth of pure dumbass and knocking him right in the face. "You! Didn't tell! ME!" A black tendril wrapped around my wrist, carefully but firmly securing it and preventing me from causing my non-related uncle any more physical damage. Although I must admit, my knuckles probably were more affected than his jaw. "You! Are! A MUTANT!!! HOW COULD YOU?! How could you NOT tell ME?"

I trusted the man with my soul and most embarrassing drinking stories. Hell, I called Eddie in a stoned haze the very same night I lost my v-card. I just thought we were bros, you know? I saw his whole fucking life implode more than once and personally flew to California to ice his injuries and his hurt ego countless times. I was done dirty in the worst way.

"I'm not-" Eddie's sigh was long-suffering. "I, uh, I have a parasite..." He sounded meek, in the same way he used to describe his drunkenly misconduct when I made our family driver bail out his ass outta jail in the morning.

"TAKE THAT BACK!" A deep gravelly voice thundered, seemingly coming out of his chest?

"Okay, okay," Eddie smiled. It was strangely soft and un-eddie-like. The only person he smiled like that was... used to be Anne. "This is Venom. They're an alien and we're, uh, a thing. It's a recent development." The tentacle unwrapped itself from me as I took an involuntary step back.

Even barring the fact that Eddie was dating an alien, this was way too fucking weird for 3 o'clock on a Sunday. I always knew the reporter was, for the lack of a better word, a little weird but he really took it to new heights. With Thor and Loki looking... Like that, I could see a human dating some sort of a hot alien. But with Ctulhu looking the way he did just minutes ago? Did Eddie seriously let all of those teeth in close proximity of his dick?

I had a "ERROR 404, common sense not found" hanging over me for the longest time. The others were quiet behind me, too, even Tony - one of my boyfriends, the most likely to cause utter chaos, was hanging back and expecting me to do something.

"Venom," I clarified, just to fill the silence with some noise while my brain processors re-synced.

"WE ARE VENOM." The tentacle that was sleek and black now had two completely white eyes and a smaller-scale version of the toothy grin that had drooled all over the common room carpet. Their voice had an interesting effect: it was so deep, the air around them vibrated slightly when they spoke.

I tilted my head examining the appendage. It was considerably less terrifying when it wasn't five times my size. "What are you?" And most importantly, are you a threat to my favourite non-related family member? I left that statement unspoken although it was obvious I was ready to fight it? Them? If need be.

"A SYMBIOTE," They replied, swaying the head-tentacle slowly. "WE LOVE EDDIE AND KEEP HIM ALIVE AND HEALTHY." So, they understood the actual question.

"Which is fucked up because Klyntar usually behave in the opposite way." Hearing Thor swear was, perhaps, even more unsettling than finding out about the symbiote-alien-boyfriend thing my uncle had going on. The thunderer himself was nursing a jug of golden liquid. The good Asgardian stuff, he must've been really fucking bamboozled.

"Okay. So anybody wanna fill me on the details before I beat up my favourite idiot?" I sighed, pointedly looking at Tony.

"I thought I was your favourite idiot!" He immediately retorted, hurt, but nonetheless opened his arms to give me a grounding embrace. We may have sucked face for a few seconds, because why the hell not, Tony was an amazing kisser and his tongue down my throat was very calming.

"Hold up, what the fuck?" Now it was Eddie's turn to act all offended. "Aren't you a little too young for him?"

"You and your most likely carnivorous goth space pudding can fuck right off if you're not going to be supportive of my very inappropriate, very polyamorous relationship with three incredibly hot boomers," I shot back, slipping into some resemblance of normalcy. Me and Eddie go way, way back and shitting on each other's bad life decisions was the founding stone of our bromance. Hell, he was the guy who showed me the wonders of sarcasm at an early age! Wonderbaum!

"There's three of them?" Eddie's voice pitched and he gaped, palming his face.

"SHE HAS A POINT, EDDIE. WE EAT PEOPLE. BEING UNSUPPORTIVE WOULD MAKE US LOOK LIKE AN ASSHOLE." Eddie's buddy stated, sounding almost fed up. So, they were sentient enough to recognize how much of a pain in the ass Eddie could be. I could work with that, disregarding the cannibalism comment, of course. What the fuck was up with that?

"Yes, Eddie, I also periodically bump uglies and trade disgustingly sweet text messages with the Hulk and a badass wizard," I rolled my eyes at the reporter's following gasp and angry muttering. "Venom, I like you."

"WE RETURN THE SENTIMENT. YOUR CHOICE IN MATES IS VERY WISE, CONSIDERING YOU ARE A WEAK MORSEL. THEY CAN PROTECT YOU."

"Shut up, Squid. I'll still kick your motherfucking ass if you hurt Eddie."

The emo space goo laughed, a terse scratching noise, showing way, way too many teeth for me to feel comfortable but I allowed myself to be placed on the couch between Tony and Eddie nonetheless. The initial shock of seeing a talking octopod with fangs passed quickly - I've seen Stephen's "trophies" he brought from his otherworldly journeys and Lovecraftian horrors were, honestly, pretty low on the gross/creepy scale.

"Both of you, explain. For the love of fuck," Tony sighed, emotionally exhausted and drained of his usual bravado.

"Eddie was my dad's friend until he moved to Cali, I've know him for fifteen years, give or take. He taught me how to ride a bike and bake the best pot brownies," I shrugged. There wasn't much to say. "I visited him whenever I could but you know, with school and then you guys, there wasn't that much time to iron out the details." I have Eddie a death glare, pointing to Venom's floaty head with my eyes.

Eddie nodded. "What she said..." And then launched an elaborate tale about some company called Life Foundation, some evil dude named Drake and his own alien pudding named Carnage, who was one ugly motherfucker judging by Eddie's and Venom's combined "ew" face, their aching need for human brains to survive and other, more trivial things, like mental breakdowns in a lobster tank and getting dumped by a fiancé and eating their way through a HYDRA base after being captured and tortured. What a wild fucking ride.

"Sounds like you had a rough year," Everybody's dumbfounded silence was ended by Tony who took a slow swig of his whiskey before speaking.

"Yeah, no shit," Eddie muttered, twisting his black coated fingers in elaborate but frankly pretty shapes. His alien wrapped around his neck like a tube scarf and additional tentacles appeared between Eddie's hands, gently prying them open and enveloping them in a sort of a hug? It was hard to compute, the black mass appeared to be totally amorphous.

"How's your anxiety?" I asked, damn well knowing Eddie's mind tended to run like Tony's: zero to sixty in point five with no clear destination. Having an alien inside of him must've really thrown Eddie for a loop.

"It's, uh, better. Venom helps," The reporter admitted, still staring at his hands but the crease between his brows had disappeared and the expression he wore was kind of fond.

"Good. You know, Venom," I thoughtfully addressed the definitely sentient creature. "Eddie is a bigger dumbass than me, which is saying something. You ought to keep a really close eye on him. If not for me, he'd probably be dead from alcohol poisoning, like, years ago."

"WE ARE AWARE. WE CAN ACCESS EDDIE'S MEMORIES." A head manifested itself on a thicker tentacle, floating over to look me in the face but maintaining a respectful distance and staying out of my personal space bubble. "AND WE ARE THANKFUL. EDDIE IS THE PERFECT HOST. WE LOVE EDDIE."

I felt the corner of my mouth tilt upwards at the alien's proclamation. It was child-like in its blunt honesty but carried a certain weight with it. It told me whoever tries to separate those two in any way would get eaten faster than they could say "SIKE!". And honestly? I would help Venom hide the evidence.

"I literally had you for thirty minutes but I would kill everybody and then myself if you two got hurt. This is too soft, I can't." I snorted, extending a curious hand towards Venom. They looked so shiny. I had to touch them.

And they let me. Venom butted their head into my palm and let me gently run my fingers over their slightly cool, slippery flesh. It felt like putting my hands on a surprisingly sturdy yet bouncy piece of flubber. I purposely avoided the small maw and the endless rows of sharp teeth but managed to accidentally brush against something rough and scratchy - as it turned out, the Symbiote had a very long, very dexterous tongue. And didn't that give me a bunch of interesting mental images.

"Oh my God, NO!" Wanda moaned from somewhere, the voice mortified and disgusted.

"Why are you touching the people-eating alien?" Bruce yelped, entering the room with several people in tow. The scientist looked worried, a little bit green around the edges. The tablet in his hands beeped periodically, signifying the ongoing sciencing bender he was in process of.

"WE WOULD NOT EAT THIS HUMAN. WE ARE FOND OF THE MORSEL." Venom defended, well, venomously. Eddie wisely choose to stay silent, trading a knowing look with Tony.

Stephen Strange sighed, briefly closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose with a jagged movement. "One day, Princess, one day you will stop collecting people that are obviously bad for your health and your future. That, or space in the tower will simply run out." With a deeper, calmer sigh, the sorcerer landed in front of me on the floor, sitting cross-legged and subtly begging for a head scratch. Which meant just placing his always neatly trimmed curls under my free hand. His jealousy was about as subtle as a foot in the face.

"I'll just ask Tony to build more floors, duh," I rolled my eyes with force at the obvious solution, giving into Steph's demands, beginning to card through his hair. It was calming both of us, really.

Bruce came over to give me a kiss and my other boyfriends didn't even grumble about the scientist placing himself in my lap, crawling over both Tony and Stephen to get comfortable.

Our dynamic was unconventional and more than a little weird, but it worked for us and the rest of the team most certainly didn't complain about the vast decrease in conflict that came with the territory. Come to think of it, all of us were more tactile than just a group of friends sharing a house and I was very much on board with that. None of us except select few (looking at you, mister doctor) were hugged enough as children and we were making up for it in spades right fucking now.

"Girl has a type," Wanda remarked, like the messy little shit she was. I stuck out my tongue in retaliation.

The Avengers' brain trust began talking about Venom's slightly inconvenient diet that directly resulted in multiple felonies for one Edward Brock, and as much as I tried to follow the flow and make my own, however feeble, contributions to the scientific side of the conversation, the new life form was much more interesting. I asked Venom several questions and they deemed them acceptable enough to answer - which evolved on both of us absolutely geeking out over the differences in our physiology. The space pudding didn't hold back one bit, insulting the inferior human biology with gleeful gusto.

"They need a chemical called phenethylamine," Bruce sighed, having deduced it through discussion since Venom and Eddie both protested aggressively against any kind of invasive testing. "I can synthesize it. No more head-chomping, no more murder."

It made perfect sense. Except it didn't. "Brucie-bear, you're a brilliant fucking scientist but a shit psychologist." I interrupted whatever came next. "Venom is a person, like me and you and, yes, even Hulk. Tell me this: if you found a way to get rid of Hulk, would you stop sciencing in the gamma radiation field?" I looked my boyfriend straight in the eyes, hoping for a spark of common sense. "Do you see my point? You science, Tony engineers, Steve draws and Clint bakes. Venom hunts. It's who they are, you can't give them a pill to make it go away."

The weight of my word landed in the room like lead, heavy. The only source of sound was the TV, playing the news quietly in the background for the longest time. Those few minutes felt like hours until Thor expectantly turned towards Eddie/Venom.

"IT IS SO. WE ARE AFRAID WE CANNOT INFLUENCE OUR INSTINCT TO HUNT PREY. KLYNTAR ARE APEX PREDATORS." The little black goop sounded almost apologetic. It was hard to hear undertones with their voice being so deep and grating. "BUT WE CAN TRY." Okay, I could totally hear the hope. Finding out the Eldritch horror could make puppy eyes was... Terrifying, to be honest, because they fucking worked.

"Got any better ideas?" Tony asked me sarcastically.

"I do, actually." I leveled a look with Natasha. She understood. "HYDRA goons. The aliens that, for some reason, keep invading New York every month or so. Stephen's adventures in Hell. Do I need to continue?"

"Wait, hold on," Steve raised his palms. "We don't kill HYDRA, we deposit them in SHIELD custody."

I snorted at the naïve Captain. "And what do you think happens to them there? Did you honestly think they just let torturing, murdering, world-domination planning psychos back on the streets?"

Steve frowned in confusion. "They go to prison?"

Natasha choose that moment to step up. "It's not uncommon for them to possess certain enhancements to be deemed too dangerous to be released back into society. Some of them are low-tier mutants and inhumans. Trust me, Steve, the lethal injection is a much more humane treatment than solitary life imprisonment in a ultra-high security prison." Romanoff stated with a trace of compassion. "And some mutants, we can't contain for prolonged periods of time." She added quietly, looking away.

Rogers was staring blankly into the wall, mulling over the information in his head. His intensive thought process was plainly visible on his face. I heard about some kind of fiasco with HYDRA agents suicide-bombing a city in Europe few years ago and Steve was there, along with Wanda and Sam.

"Venom is a whole person, and even if they look like they could be the main character in Call of Ctulhu video game, we can't just disregard them like they are some kind of badly behaving pet. They're my honorary uncle's boyf-sorry-significant other, for fuck's sake," I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation. "Y'all should know I don't fuck with people who give shit to one of my own. Don't disappoint me like that." I finished, feeling more tired than I had in months. I didn't regret giving into the found family dynamic, however I didn't exactly sign up for hard choices like them vs my long lost uncle, y'know?

Great, now I had a headache and three very concerned boyfriends glaring at me for unknown reasons. The urge to pace always manifested strongly within me as the emotional atmosphere rose in the room. With Bruce dangling off my lap, I couldn't do even that and I felt the restlessness blossom into irritation more and more with each passing second of my existence.

Eddie remained silent, looking down. Venom had mostly receded into the reporter's body, save for a few tentacles tightly wrapped around Eddie's palm.

"Alright," Steve suddenly said. "We can work with that."

"Princess, you look like you're either going to cry or yell any second," Bruce said softly, squeezing my shoulder and pulling me closer.

I immediately hid my face in his chest, taking several deep, shaky breaths. "Eddie is family. Y'all are family. It's terrifying to have to choose between the two." I said, after a brief moment of hesitation.

The reporter made some sort of a choked gasp, quickly masking it with a cough - I knew him way too well to miss the way he was fighting back tears of his own. Bruce understood, he really did understand me - hopped off my lap and let me hug Eddie properly, my happy-sad tears soaking through the collar of his tee.

"You're, uh, welcome to stay. I'll have a guest room prepared." Tony cleared his throat, passing his half-finished glass to Stephen who swallowed the liquid in one gulp. My boyfriends were so fucking emotionally illiterate. Disaster humans.

Huh, I really did have a type.

Later that night, I made the mistake of barging into Eddie's room with a bottle of really fancy whiskey I liberated from Tony's overstocked liquor cabinet. Visiting my uncle and boozing and smoking on the balcony, for old times sake, was my plan and...

I failed the mission successfully.

I didn't bother knocking. As soon as I saw a pair of bare feet, my eyes traveled further up on the couch on their own volition. There were so many tentacles, a writhing, oozing silky black mass and Eddie was making sounds, unmistakable noises-

"UNSEE. UNSEE. OH MY GOD, UNSEE, UNSEE." I stumbled back into the common room shivering.

"What happened, is everything okay?" Bucky stood up as soon as he saw me enter the doorway with my face scrunched in a grimace of regret. I felt like I've gone through the five stages of grief in the shortest time possible for a human being.

Somwhere, I heard Wanda's sudden moan full of pain and misery. "Please, stop THINKING about it!"

"Brain bleach, oh my God," I cringed. "Where's the Clorox?! I have decided I don't need my eyeballs-"

"Oooh," Tony's proverbial lightbulb lit up. The engineer sounded like he was about five seconds away from building a space ship and permanently moving to another planet. "They're together-together..." Tony intercepted me nonetheless, doing the most effective thing to make me stop speaking and thinking bullshit. He kissed me. With lots of tongue.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95

[an-aro-made-of-aspen]

Just ranting, you can skip

I've been thinking a lot on my identity the past few years.

A lot.

And it's changed so much in what feels like (but isn't really?) such a short period of time. When I first started questioning (even though it was just a little bit), I thought I was pan and maybe cis. For a bit I thought I was gray-aro gray-ace and pan, I didn't want to believe that I was "broken" and "unlovable" and an "attention whore" and all those other things I kept reading back in 2015, but I couldn't deny the fact that romance and sex (romance especially) made me uncomfortable in some way.

(I used pan oriented aroace in the same way. I was scared of considering that I could just. Not love. Especially when people always say how "caring" and "loving" you are. I felt like I would let them down, even if they didn't know about it.)

Then I decided to block the people who kept posting negative things (why post about people you don't even know? Communities you've never been a part of? And say nothing but hateful things about them? It was really stressful reading hate all the time, ngl.) And I actually decided to look more into these words. Aromantic. Asexual.

I won't lie, I never fully clicked with the ace community. I couldn't, personally, keep reading about how "aces can still love", "aces aren't bad because they can still have partners", etc. etc. And the sheer amount of arophobia in the tags.

The aro community isn't much better, tbch! Always talking about platonic love. The allo-arophobia (never thought I'd type that one). Both communities are kinda difficult when the topics of romance and sex come up. Some people are very into purity culture and are very sex negative. (Note: negative isn't the same as repulsed or indifferent. In this context, I'm saying about the people that hate anyone having these relationships and find it morally-bad.)

I also started feeling more and more alienated from both aro and ace communities, but ace more so.

For a few months??? I id'd solely as non-sam aro (non-sam people are amazing, btw. Thank y'all for treating me so well 💚), because it was stressing me out so badly trying to fit into these communities that I was being pushed out of.

I was very excited to find the (admittedly small) loveless community, but I can't say I fit there very well, either. (Not on the community's part, though)

I am loveless. But I'm also an agender(fluid?) aplatonic aro lesbian (sapphic??? Words are hard, gender is harder, lmao). I experience sexual attraction (i think? At least to some degree that I'm not certain of, lololol). And I feel like I'm lying to every community I ever even kind of felt a part of.

I know that how I feel is "valid" and that the fact I feel like a liar, a fraud, or whatever probably stems from anxiety or imposter syndrome or some other such thing, but, like, it's hard to remember that when all I see in the tags and on my dash and on other sites is "sex is disgusting", "love is everything", "only women can be lesbians" (the serious transphobia of those second comments kills me every time, too, oof), etc. etc. etc.

I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore. I'm just tired of feeling fake or like I'm stepping on toes because my experiences don't match the wider community or even contradict them to some extent.

I just want to be somewhere and not feel like I'm stepping on eggshells while trying to figure myself out.

(Please keep in mind, I'm not saying any of these communities are bad. Actually, for the most part, they're very good and do have welcoming people. I've just, personally, had a lot of issues over the years.)

[yuvon-writes-letters]

Hey guys :)

Maybe I'm going chronological for one time, so I can sort my thoughts easier.

Yeah, Goldie's much mire active than I would've thought, too. But they did all those things to keep me alive and kind of save, since we still don't know who they are exactly working against. (I mean, we don't know who Goldie exactly is either, but you get my point)

Honestly, I am pretty sure the TSB timeline is continuing, at least if my theory that Goldie just set me back in an alternate timeline is true. In this case I feel sorry for TSB, though..Extremely sorry. He still was 'my' Jake back then, even though he acted weird in the end (maybe was manipulated by entities). I mean, if what he wrote was true he went with authorities. And in the end..this could've been his downfall.

And yeah, maybe I'm not exactly safe, but I just have to go back. If I go, and if I lose my job, I have some things to sort out. And Jake luckily agreed with me that clearing up my desk isn't the worst thing I can do before leaving. We're still thinking about a location, which I could luckily deside myself. Max agreed on that. Even though he still has some doubts. (I mean, of course...His cousin opened the door with bruises all over her face.) He did promise to not ask any questions until I feel ready, though. That gives myself and Jake some time to figure that out.

And also, Jake is right! We have three Jakes and three smart people. YUVON. And of course Goldie, like you said Yu :) And some information about the previous timeline. (And that was it with being chronological)

So yeah, like I said, Max and I'll go. And I also think we can be pretty certain now that the message came from Goldie not the MWAF (which is relieving). I saw the messages and they didn't make Jake the bad guy. I honestly just don't think I can quote them yet. (They're too good, but I probably start daydreaming if I do) But they talk about Jake being an important part of my life and my heart and Max protecting me when he cannot. My dear cousin jumped to conclusions when he saw my bruised face. About Max' phone...I'll probably throw it in a river or something if he brings it with him. I told him not to, also because of Jake (he's not only worried about the MWAF apparently...He didn't exactly say it out loud, but I think it's pretty obvious) but he loves this device.

And I emphasize with you about the being kidnapped thing, you'll manage it, I know it :) And if I need to jump dimensions and box some sense into your Crow-Crew xD

No but for real, you can do that. I know it :)

Jake, find a good point in time to talk to her. But do it :)

Otherwise, I still think the 'underlying desire' theory is a possibility! But, like always in the moment, we could be wrong.

As for my stasis, I really do not wish to talk to more people who think I've been kidnapped. And I am a bit scared that could somehow lead to either them or me being in more danger again. But for now we have to wait.

I for now will pack some important things and paper & pens xD I don't want to leave y'all behind :P

Liska🐾🔥

[A screenshot is glued to the back of the letter and the quick sentence "Jake wants to talk to Jake" is written above]

Hello Jake, it is a pleasure to meet you. I am not quite sure in which way Liska will handle giving you my message, but she promised me to not read it for now.

I don't know whether she told you before or not, but as far as I am concerned she realised I am not only worried about the MWAF chasing her.

With me breaking out of this stasis I am sure that my followers aren't that far behind. And I know you can't do anything from where you are, but cross checking way to protect her doesn't seem to bad to me. Especially since we are similar but still fairly different from each other. At least it seems like that from what I have read.

For my part, I recently improved and updated Nym-OS which allows me access to Liskas whereabouts. If Yuvon should read this, she knows and agrees to it.

Still I am yet stuck on one little detail: I am trying to help Nym-OS in counterattacking. So, even though I am sure you already knoe this yourself, Nym-OS gets the ability to access location of the people attacking Liskas phone. I am almost done with that, so we are able to see a bit easier if and where people are that could be a danger.

Do you have any other ideas for ways I could help? Or even improve what I am doing momentarily. I wouldn't normally ask this since I know and trust my skills, but I think that this is fairly different from a 'normal situation'.

~ Jake

Lis,

Um. I don't know if you've seen the newest person to send in a letter, but we now have an issue.

Jessy, if you're reading this, I was sort of trying to avoid talking about this right away but I'm sort of trapped in a weird place, and Jake's here too because I'm a dumbass. I did not, so you know, let him read your letter or my reply. I figured you wouldn't want that. Sorry for dancing around the issue earlier :/ But at least you can get a good sample of the complete insanity we go through on the regular now!

Yeah... you're getting thrown into the deep end right now, aren't you. Sorry. There's no way to ease into this. You should probably either stop reading these entirely or start reading the letters from the beginning, so this will all at least make some sense. The first letter should start with the words "To whoever reads this," just so you know you get the right one.

Back to you, Lis. Yeah, I feel pretty bad for TSB Jake too. I honestly can't imagine being in his position right now.

Alright. So, you can choose the place. Great! There's way less chance of you being caught that way...

Tragedies just seem to be happening to all us Duskwood detectives, recently, don't they? Rai is chronically overworked and barely has time to sleep, I'm stuck in this hellhole and I've been forgotten by most everyone, you were shot, and poor Matt died and... well.

I never knew him, but I feel really bad for him :(

You could give Max half the truth. Tell him you have a stalker, and he's starting to get physical. Jake has been trying to help you get away from the asshole. It's not even a lie, just... not the full truth. Because. You know. The whole truth is completely fucking insane.

Writing to Jessy just put into perspective how insane everything is, I think. Gimme a sec.

Oh, fuck. My Jessy just texted me. Great timing.

Jeez that whole thing with me leaving myself out was just a joke XD If I knew you and Jake would take it so seriously, I'd never have said anything. I'll steer clear from now on.

Yeah, okay, definitely Goldie. That makes way more sense. I don't think you have to be quite so drastic as destroying the phone. Just get him to leave it at home for the trip.

Ahaha, thanks. I don't think that's necessary, though. Actually, seeing future!Jessy's perspective has caused a bit of a paradigm shift. I think I might need to reconsider what all to tell and not to tell the Crow Crew. I just sort of default to keeping things secret, now, but you've seen how well that worked for me with you and Rai, and with Jake.

Again, you probably should wait for them to contact you first, but you WILL need to talk to them when that happens. What you say to them and what you don't is up to you.

Pack a couple different pens XD We're all a bit long-winded.

That's all from me :)

(The handwriting changes to Jake's.) Hallo, Lis.

Yuvon refuses to tell me what precisely she means about Jessica. Was she somehow contacted by an alternate version of Jessica? If so, how?

I am glad it was Goldie who contacted Max. Yuvon's suggestion for an excuse seems a good one, as there are far less things to remember that way. You simply need to oversimplify everything.

I do not, unfortunately, entirely believe that Yuvon was joking when she made that comment, based on previous comments and her ongoing guilt. I can't understand sometimes why she feels the need to lie so much. It is difficult for me to read people, much less her.

I will speak to her eventually. Early tomorrow, perhaps, if nothing else rears its head. Yuvon looks tired, and I am also admittedly not at my peak. I sincerely hope she does not wake up as early as she does every single day. It may get somewhat taxing, what with the lack of coffee here.

I think that is all from me to you, Lis. If you would kindly find a way to send the next section to my counterpart without looking at it, it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you :)

—Jake and Yuvon

Jake,

It is a pleasure to meet you as well, despite the unusual circumstances.

That our pursuers may be freed from the stasis is a logical conclusion. Seeing as the last known location I had on them in my universe was approximately five hundred miles from Duskwood, they will likely be some of the first to free themselves from the stasis. I do not believe I need to warn you that time is of the essence.

It seems as if I am a small distance ahead of you in the development of countermeasures, perhaps because I have had more linear time to develop them. If you are where I think you are at in the development, you likely have or will soon hit a bug you cannot pin down that makes the pinpointing mechanism simply refuse to work at all. Presuming your and my version of NYM-0S are similar enough, the issue should lie in the public bool set in line 132 of the third part of the targeting script, the script that decides what constitutes a target; you have it defaulted to "false" where it should default to "true".

As for additional countermeasures: I was attempting to work on a rudimentary automated system of pattern detection when I was brought here. Essentially, its function would be such that it would be able to triangulate using the locator features already installed to find a rough estimate of where their headquarters might be. However, I have not found any way thus far to eliminate outliers, and as such the feature is currently next to useless. I am no longer able to work on the code, but perhaps you will have more luck than I did.

That is all I can think of for the moment on that subject. However, I have an odd theory on what may be part of the reason we vary so. If you have a moment to spare, please answer me this:

When I was very young, back when Mother was still around, she took me to a doctor for odd behaviors. This included not looking people in the eyes, but there was a list. I was given a diagnosis; if you had the same experience, you should likely know which one.

Did you have this experience? If so, please prove it by stating what the diagnosis was.

Do not worry if you do not know what I am talking about; I would rather you did not guess. Simply state that you don't know. It will confirm my theory.

Good luck with your pursuers.

—Jake

(The letter tucks itself in the paper clip with the others.)

[teenagebeautyqueen]

[Image description: a young person holds a mobile phone with a blue case and a paper on the other. the paper has a drawing of an umbrella colored with the trans pride flag. we can only see their upper body. they are looking down and to the left of the image. they're smiling without showing their teeth, and look relaxed. they're wearing a black, loose hoodie and some shorts can be seen at the bottom of the picture. they're also using black nail polish. on the background there is a door and a star wars poster. the other image is a close up of the paper. end ID]

🌈ʜᴇ/ᴛʜᴇʏ🌈

happy trans day of visability to all my fellow trans*!! here is me and my project for peace's day... i personally love it. it's on spanish, but i'll translate it for y'all.

the text on the left says "cada persona que conoces está luchando una batalla de la que no sabes nada. sé amable. siempre", which is the translation of that quote that goes like "every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind. always".

the one on the right says "¿qué sentido hay en pelear? ¿por qué insistimos en sabotearnos mutuamente? Todos caminamos por el mismo sendero embarrado, todos nos dirigimos al mismo final." its translation is something like "what's the point on fighting? why do we insist on sabotage each other? we all walk the same muddy path, we are all headed for the same end."

and above the umbrella there's words like "odio", "acoso", "ignorancia" & "discriminación", which mean "hatred", "harassment", "ignorance", and "discrimination".

yeah i'm very subtle.

i've decided to share my story with the world. but i got kinda carried away. it's not s fairy tale, so don't read it if you're sensitive to themes like bullying, mental health issues, and toxic people.

——————————————————————

it's been... one ride of a journey, to say the least. i've said a few times that i started to question my gender around summer. but that's not quite true.

growing up, i never was fond of... anything that i associated with femenine, really. this included, but wasn't limited to, any color that wasn't blue (pink and purple get a special mention, i despised them), flowers, clothes too loose or too tight, shorts if they weren't from some sport, etc. i think you get the idea.

this collided with me being afab (aka a girl for everyone including myself) & neurodivergent. i wanted nothing to do with those things. but society wanted me to love them.

5 yo me said she didn't like Monster High. 5 yo female classmate said i was a weirdo. 7 yo me loved football. 7 yo male classmate said i couldn't play because i was a girl. 9 yo me hyperfixated on minecraft. 9 yo pretty much every classmate called me a geek.

so i stoped trying. for a while, i loved pink, wanted to have rapunzel's hair, watched disney channel, etc. but i already was the weirdo. i remember being three and friends with all of them. i remember playful fights for the toy rocket and reading books with the only other boy who could read, to ourselves, each other, and the whole class. but people grow up, and they change. so yeah, i was bullied. always the last one to be chosen, left alone on the bus rides, on my own at the playground.

and you'll be thinking "that sucks, but pao, how is it related to you being trans?"

you'll see, i didn't have many friends. i was kinda alone until i turned 7. then two new kids came to my class. let's call them eva and john. i made friends with them asap. i loved them so much!! they were my first friends since kindergarden. so i allowed myself to let go. i was already hated by most of my peers. why wouldn't i be myself with those who didn't despise me? (i was 7 when i thought this. 7 years old, and i thought that out of 20 people, 18 hated me. and then people wonder why i've got self-steem issues lmao. i'm tryna make the point that bullying in primary school isn't just some mean kids calling you names. i'm currently in high school and it still has its mark on me. but that's for another moment.)

so yeah. i went "wild". eva has adhd too (noice, right? i mean she has her diagnosis becaise she's primarly hyperactive, while i'm primarly inattentive, but we understood each other way quickier than with neurotypicals– even if i didn't know why yet), and john was kinda shy & corpulent (he wasn't fat, but he didn't look slim either), just like me. so we became friends. and i slowly opened up a little, while still playing my role of "the freak kid". i knew i was seen as that AND as the smart kid. double pressure, double bullying. but i had my small circle. it evolved until my current friend group, in which, god bless, there's a trans girl!! (eva's still on it– she's my best friend and i would die for her, no doubts. john can go fuck himself, the goddamned fascist).

but it ain't that easy. it never is. i'm 14 and afab. shit happens. y'all get it.

my first period happened while i was on a school trip (bad), on a hotel with no pads avaliable (very bad), on another country so i couldn't call my mum unless i had wifi because politics & stuff– and i did not have wifi (really bad). cue a lot of dysphoria (even if i didn't know it was that) + not being able to contact anyone. add the fact that i was the second one to have it, and it was some kind of taboo– it meant the other girls wouldn't leave me alone, and the result is clear: one of my worst panic attacks ever, on a tiny bathroom of some shitty hotel room.

from there it went downhill. my body started to become femenine, and the football short didn't make my hips smaller. my face, my oh so alarged face, suddenly became rounder. puberty hit me not only physically, but emotionally. and if that wasn't enough, we, as a class, were entering what's called here "the turkey age", a.k.a. teenagerhood, where looks become even more important. it didn't take long until i hated my body.

[WARNING: from here, this gets hard. mentions of eating disorders, depressive episodes/thoughts, toxic enviroments, homophobia/transphobia (both internalized and external), anxiety attacks, and thoughts of self-harm]

i thought "it's big, it shouldn't be big, it's fat. besides i don't want it to grow so fast. i want to make it stop growing. how? well, i grow up by eating. no eating=no growing".

yeah. eating disorder. when i think about it, i want to laugh. because it only took a few comments and "jokes" for me to be so angry at myself when i should be mad with them. i'm big. always have been, very likely always will. i've been told that i could make a very good rugby player. i probably would. i shared my cantine table with people (😔). and they wouldn't shut up. "[deadname], the rest wants to eat too!", "look at [deadname], she's gonna eat it all!". things like that. i stoped eating. i would pick up the smallest amount of food i could, even if my stomach was begging me to please eat something. eventually, my mum found out. and she helped me to grow out of it. i sometimes releapse, but never for that long. because i went on a whole year like that. and it sucked.

so, last year. socially anxious neurodivergent girl with several doubts on her sexuality gets to eight grade.

i play basketball. since i was little. i used to enjoy it a lot. we weren't a team– we were a family. loved 'em so much, 1000/10 one of the best things of my life. BOOM. now you're old enough & good enough to be on the "good" team. in the good time there's the cool kids. i am not a cool kid. oops. i was left behind, they all laughed at my back, no one cared about me (except one girl, but she was in the group and was scared to act until almost the end of the year. love her for that tho). i felt like shit. i was too scared to go to train. the sight of a ball scared me, because i couldn't help but think everyone was talking shit about me. we went to a national championship and when they went out to the city, they didn't tell me, then sent a pic of them having fun to the groupchat & delated it saying "oops it was for the other group". i had several breakdowns on my room that night. it was such a bad experience i can't even hear the name of the city without tearing up.

not to count that a new girl decided to make my life a living hell. now i know how to deal with her, but then i didn't, and i ended up curled up on the bathroom floor crying.

all while i discovered my own identity. i was so scared of being non-straight i hated myself for it.

it was a tough year and there were times where i would wish i'd never existed. it was too much for me to deal with, and i was just miserable. but i got out of it. remember the trans girl i mentioned? she's closeted, and she told me just this october. but even before that, she was my friend. she bought a new life to it all, a fresh one. i owe her a lot, including accepting myself as i am.

she is here, despite everything.

i am here, despite everything.

you are all here, despite everything.

some of us aren't here. they are the ones we remember. each one of us has our history. i shared mine with you all. it is not an easy road. you know that. it's hard, and it's tough, and it's difficult, and it's unfair.

but we are here, despite everything. the ones who made it, the ones who didn't, the ones who are halfway through it, and the ones who are to come.

we are here. we are trans. and we won't be erased.

[ghost-btch]

He Could Be The One~ 5 Seconds Of Summer

(Chapter Three: The Park™ )

[Not my gif]

(Other chapters and the prologue are under 5sos on my blog. I'd link them but then it wouldn't show up in the tags.)

Rating: literally for everyone

Warning: none besides the fact there may be grammatical errors, oops lol

Word Count: 889

************************************

3rd Person P.O.V

Phoenix was lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling. The memories of the last night played in her head. She had met and became friends with one of her favorite bands, you can't blame her for still freaking out.

She had by now checked her phone for the numbers many times to make sure it wasn't just a dream. It really was dream like. 'Like some fanfiction I could have read.' Phoenix thought.

****

It was now about a week later and everything still felt surreal. Her and the boys had almost nonstop been texting back and forth, they were really good friends. One of them sujested to all meet up at one of the parks around L.A. They all agreed. So that's where Phoenix was heading now.

She had practically jumped out of bed when she realized what day it was. Though she tried her best to put down her fan side and try to be normal. She accomplished this on the outside, but in her head she was kinda screaming still.

When she arrived she noticed four grown men playing on the playground. A very hilarious sight to see but probably not to anyone else.

"Aren't y'all a little old to be playing on a playground? Then again I can't say much cause I want to swing on the swings." Phoenix laughed.

"I think we're very much still a bunch of kids." Luke replied.

Then next few minutes consist of five "adults" acting like a bunch of five year olds. Probably confusing anyone who went by.

"Hey so are you ever going to tell us who you ment at your show?" Michael questioned.

"I will not, well at least as of right now I won't. I don't know about what'll happen in the future." Phoenix replied slightly blushing.

She was very confused as to how none of them had figured it out yet. It was quite obvious to her, she wasn't the best at hiding things.

Though in reverse Phoenix was also the clueless one. Someone themselves thought they were making it obvious their feelings. Phoenix being one to overthink at wrong moments and be oblivious at others had no idea.

If only they both knew the truth.

The five of them, once they were done on the playground, made their way to one of the picnic tables.

"Whens your next show again?" Calum had asked.

"This Saturday, I think. Wait ya Saturday. Y'all may have realized by now I have a bad memory at moments." Phoenix replied.

Luke had laughed at the sentence.

"What are you laughing at Hemmings?"

"You say 'y'all' a lot. 'Y'all', funny word." All the boys laughed.

"Well when you say it by itself yes it doesn't sound weird. But in a sentence it seems find to me. I've heard many people say it before all over the place so." Phoenix replied jokingly sarcastic.

The five talked about the stupidest things, jokes, old stories, music stuff, and more the rest of the time. All agreeing the music business was absolutely insane. Good and badly.

"So you're never telling us?" Ashton asked.

"I don't know. I things the way they are now. I've had my fair share of accidentally ruining friendships in this type of situation. Though I honestly don't know how none of y'all figured it out yet." Phoenix knew she messed up as soon as that last sentence came out of her mouth.

"I shouldn't have said that." She said sighing while closing her eyes.

"It's obvious? Well I guess we are clueless." Ashton said.

"You're not wrong."

"Hey!"

"Well you said it yourself." They all laughed.

"Anyways I guess talk to you guys later." Phoenix said as they were leaving the park.

They all said their goodbyes as they left and went their separate ways. Phoenix immediately lightly slapping her face for;

1. Saying too much

2. Not saying enough, by that meaning not saying the truth

Phoenix seemed confident in the way she talked or performed, but at some moments she was absolutely anxiety filled. She knew all of them are some of the most nicest people on the planet but she just had that fear. The fear if embarrassment if thinks toke a turn. But in the other hand there had been times where she didn't say something and then she regretted that. This was not a very good situation as of then.

Then it hit her! She wasn't good when it came to talking about her feelings but she was good at writing them. For example she once wrote a note in middle school instead of telling her then crush she liked him in person. She then got home as fast as she could to start writing.

As soon as she opened the door she ran to her room. Then ran back because she forgot to lock the door. But then she grabbed her songbook and started writing. With in an hour she had a finished song. Well almost finished. It might need finishing touches before it was a perfect as she could make it. But she was happy with it.

She planned on singing it at her show Saturday since the boys would be there. She tried not to think about the possible conversations after the show. Which she sorta failed at.

....

Tag list: @rip-lukes-balsamic @ts-and-5sos @agirlruinedbybands //just comment if you'd like to be on my tag list//

[fy-kotathekid]

INTERVIEW WITH 𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐃 for 𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐄 𝐊𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐀: 𝗢𝗖𝗧𝗢𝗕𝗘𝗥 𝗜𝗦𝗦𝗨𝗘 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭.

Written by Kim Sooyoung

𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐃 has had quite a year so far, he released his very first studio album back in June which he put out through Honeydrop Entertainment, home of Teddy and many more artists, but he continued to put out music through almost the entire summer and each song was different from the last. He has definitely showed his fans his versatility and definitely lets people know that as much as he is a singer, he's also a phenomenal rapper. I've been told that Kota doesn't do a lot of interviews due to him feeling like he's not an important enough artist but his fans heavily requested him to do one so here we are.

KS: So, Kota. How does it feel to finally put out your own music? Your very first studio album “Must Be Repeated” had high praise from fans and peers alike so can you tell us the inspiration behind it?

𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐃: The reasoning behind this album was to show people what I can do from behind the camera. I started out as video director and film has always been my passion but I felt like personally I could do something more, so I decided to make my own music to showcase more of my own special talent.

KS: I, myself, enjoyed your debut album and all the songs you put out during the summer. You definitely set the bar for being called a brand new artist so my next question is what is the sound we're all gonna expect from your second album?

𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐃: What you can expect from my next album is a more darker, rougher side to me. My fans got a taste of that in my songs like “So Beautiful”, “Welcome to the Show”, “Dreams of You”, and “Love You Fuck You”. Those songs set the standard for my upcoming album and I personally feel like a lot more people are gonna enjoy it more than my debut album.

KS: Speaking of your song “Love You Fuck You”, you collaborated with Ahin and Astrobin (Subin); Ahin who recently went on tour with two of your labelmates, Teddy & Elena and Astrobin who has recently been in “so called controversy” for his sexuality. What made you decide to collaborate with them?

𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐃: First things first, please don't comment on my friend's sexuality when describing him. I don't fucking like that shit at all so try not to do it again, sweetheart. Second, the reason why I chose those two because I personally felt like their voices went well with my song and I like collaborating with different people. It just helps me expand my connections in Korean Music Industry.

KS: I am very sorry for my previous comment, it was very uncalled for on my behalf. Moving on, I see you have a handful of collaborations with certain members of Goblin Gang, the notorious Korean hip-hop and R&B crew. Who was your favorite person to work with and is there anyone else from that group you would like to work with in the future?

𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐃: Well, I don't personally know the Goblin Gang crew all that well but I personally feel like my favorite person I've worked with so far is Astrobin, he reminds me of my little brother and I'm very protective of him in general. He's a good guy and amazing artist who means well but the hate on his sexuality is absolutely disgusting. And for the second half of the question you asked, I would like to collaborate with Anon, Louie, HEK8, and I.M in the near future. They definitely seem like some of the best collaborations to have on your album.

KS: I noticed that you recently went to Thailand and you were supposed to go with fellow Goblin Gang member Merkury (Luna) but something happened that she ended up backing out on the first day, can you tell us what happened?

𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐃: This is supposed to be an interview about me, so can you tell me why you keep asking me questions about Goblin Gang? No disrespect to them but this shit isn't about them and so with all due respect, I would like to get back to the topic on hand which is about me and my music. Thank you.

KS: . . . Uh, wow okay, let's just move on. I saw that you recently came back from a small hiatus so can you tell me what was the reason for it in the first place?

𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐃: I needed to protect my own mental health, I quickly got burnt out after dropping my first album and releasing new music all summer. So I went on vacation and limited my contacts with certain people. I've just been buckling down to focus on myself and my upcoming album.

KS: Chuseok has recently passed and it's quite apparent that you didn't really spend the holiday with your family or any friends, why is that?

𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐃: I don't really like doing anything for Chuseok, I usually take the time to mind own business and just spend time for myself. I ordered food for my siblings so them two could spend the holiday together. They understand why I do what I do and I called my parents to wish them a Happy Chuseok, that was it.

KS: How close are you with your family tho? There's been certain times where you've expressed to your peers and fans about not returning to Australia but your parents are there.

𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐃: Well, that's a very dumb question to ask. I love and care deeply about my family but I've never had a good or reasonable to in Australia, especially when I was growing up. My refusal to ever go back to Australia has nothing to do with my closeness with my family. Now, I think it's time to move past the pointless questions that my fans aren't gonna give a single fuck about.

KS: Last question of the day, do you have any rumors you would like to address for your fans to know?

𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐃: I don't have nothing to hide personally but there are certain people in this music industry who ain't shit and need to stop putting out a picture perfect image like they didn't use one of their supposed “friend” and labelmate for their own gain. I'm not gonna name names but they know who they are. With that being said, my album comes out in November. Most of y'all should know the date by now.

Sitting down with 𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐃 has definitely been one of my most interesting interviews so far. He was very blunt and perhaps a bit controversial towards some of my questions but at least he answered them without any hesitation. I hope his fans enjoys his interview and please look forward for his upcoming album this November.