#I've been rotating these three in my brain all week

[raggydraws]

hhhheeeeyyyy guys,,,,it's been a minute,,,,have some rough concepts~

Look at my Gear Station ocs~

We have Logan the BP Clerk and their emotional support Absol, Omen. Chio the overnight manager of Gear Station's coffee shop, The Grind Station, with her furret Momo. aaaand Ellory, the lost and found clerk with their partners Dr. Bones and Trinket!

Enjoy~ and please feel free to ask questions about them!

[hivemuthur]

What was that? - Ch. 1.

viktorxfemale!OFC mature! (for now, I will mark later chapters as explicit when the time comes

friends to lovers, co-workers, sexual tension up to the wazoo, pinning and banter that got me frustrated when I was writing it, attempt at humour, some angst and a slow burn with a happy ending and a classic Viktor for once

Ch.2. | Ch.3. | Ch.4. | Ch.5. | Ch.6. | Ch.7. | Ch.8. | Ch.9. | Ch.10. | Ch.11. | Ch.12. | Ch.13. | Ch.14. | Ch.15.

word count: 4,6K

tag: #what was that

summary: A romance that explores two insecure people growing closer together through snippets of their time at work.

author’s note: Can I post three things a day? Yes. This is the first fic I've written and I love it dearly. It connected me with @rennethen who has been beta reading it patiently and helped me create significant parts of it, and for that connection alone it was worth to write it.

Cross-posted on AO3

—

“Renly, are you being serious right now?” John stormed into the lab’s kitchen visibly flushed with anger. Renly only blinked at him, a question in her eyes.

“I guess? Didn’t you get my note?” She definitely remembered sending the note asking John to take a raincheck. She even made a song about it to not forget, like the last time. Viktor had mocked the song at first but later grew annoyed with it.

”Please stop, this song is now rotting my brain. I get it, John is a nice guy,” Viktor rotated on his chair with a groan that has clearly been building up for at least one minute.

“Sorry, it’s the only way I don’t get distracted and forget!” to Viktor’s demise, Renly sang this line as well.

“Well, didn’t you get my note?” John said, already huffing, seemingly offended. He did get her note, he did see the little heart she drew on it and a coffee stain that suggested she wrote it hastily, while doing something else with her other hand. So, he sent a passive aggressive jokey note back stating that it’s tomorrow or he doesn’t know when, because he is also oh-so-busy.

“I can’t make it otherwise,” he laid his hands apart in apologetic gesture.

“Like… this week? Or ever?” light mockery in her voice, she said with her back to John, while pouring coffee into two cups. “It’s okay, we can have breakfast here. Do you want coffee?” Renly pulled out the third cup from the sink and waved it at John expectantly.

At which point, Viktor entered their tiny lab kitchen, scrunching his wet hair with a damp towel, his cheeks flushed and clothes slightly dishevelled, clinging to his hot-after-shower body. “Do I smell coffee? Hi John,” he said, waving at the doorway.

“Nothing will hide from you. Crisis averted?” Renly asked referring to fifteen minutes ago, when Viktor banged viciously on the bathroom door, demanding shower access immediately, as he spilled suspicious fluid from Renly’s workstation all over himself.

She said it was punishment for snooping. He said she’d taken his favourite pen, and her workstation was planned ridiculously, making moving around risky. Also, she took showers that lasted forever. She said her shower was only fifteen minutes, which is perfectly within bounds of morning toilet routine. He said she should shower at home and sleep at home; otherwise, she would end up a social pariah like him and Jayce. She said it’s a bit late for that as night is a perfect time for quiet work and she is one person away from the social pariah status. She meant John. So right now, it really did look like she was close to adding it to her work signature. She had to evacuate from the bathroom before she had the chance to dry off completely, which is why her hair was wet.

“Did you shower together?” John’s tone gained additional pitch to it as he asked his ridiculous question, visibly getting more and more distressed.

“Yes, John. We also have occasional orgies that I forgot to mention,” Renly couldn’t help about the snarky comment but when she turned around to take a look at her… boyfriend? They went out about ten times and slept together twice, so she guessed he was her boyfriend already. Well, he looked hurt, and she immediately wished she didn’t say it, no matter how ridiculous it sounded.

“Please, don’t be like that. I pulled an all-nighter again, and it was too late to go home. We showered separately, obviously,” she said in a softer voice as the cups were placed on the tiny table in the middle of the kitchen, only three chairs.

“I will give the two of you some space,” Viktor swept his cup with Jayce’s face on it and gave both of them polite smile as he walked out faster, than Renly thought he was able to.

“So… are you very cross with me?” she waited for Viktor to leave the area and asked reaching out to place her palm on top of John’s forearm, but he winced away.

John had always been good at making himself seem indispensable. When they first started seeing each other, his charm felt effortless—little gestures like remembering her favourite tea or distracting her with a ridiculous joke when she was too stressed to focus. She had let her guard down with him in a way she rarely allowed herself to. It had felt safe, comforting even. But lately, the cracks in that façade were harder to ignore. He got offended easily and threw some stupid accusations at her when he was out of arguments. She did admit, she was quite oblivious to some of relationship savoir-vivre, but it was also discussed priorly! And he said he doesn’t mind, so the next part caught her off-guard.

“I… don’t think this will work out this way,” he said with a sigh and waved his hand around making her question if he meant them, or breakfast with Victor in near vicinity. “I didn’t know this is what I was signing up for frankly,” he finished and gave her a sad puppy glance. This made her… angry? Of course, he knew what he was signing up for. She told him from the very beginning how important her work was. And how bad she was at this, but he just called her cute. Surely, this was enough of a warning. Or maybe it wasn’t but John really didn’t seem like he heard anything of what she ever said in the long run.

He was a Piltie, and she was from Zaun. He liked posh places that were trying to pass as casual, she liked to hang out by the riverbank in the evenings and sneak into The Undercity to look at street art and eat street food. He always seemed to pay attention to what she was telling him about her lab work and how many lives it could potentially change but at the end of every test presentation and heated one-sided conversation (it was hot on her side only) when she looked at him expectantly, he praised her with a you are so smart or you look pretty when you get excited about science and it left her empty of all air like a sad balloon in the aftermath of a party. He probably had a politician’s career ahead of him, so in the future, he would be the person to decide whether she does or doesn’t get funding for her research and in her mind’s eye John was a person that would probably happily fund something else than the medicine for long term Grey exposure symptoms. But he was a good practice for that. And despite everything else, she did like him. He had his moments, as they say.

In a few seconds, that took very long in the pocket dimension of her brain, Renly tried to calculate how much fault in this situation was hers and if it was worth to back down and give him a peace offering in form of a dinner at her place, that she would cook, and they would be alone, and it would be romantic, and he would probably get to fuck her on the dinner table.

The plan started forming itself, when John said “I mean… you spend all your free time here, or you drag me around the lanes. Also, this Viktor guy? I got over Jayce, recently he is barely here. So…” he dragged his huge eyes across her face looking for a sign of understanding that wasn’t there “…you understand how I feel when you spend most of your time with another man.” It came out weak, but he decided to stand by it.

“Another man? It’s Viktor,” she scoffed. “Not even a day ago he stated how much I disgust him with Zaunian food in fridge. He works all the time. We sleep in separate rooms. He…” Renly inhaled, exasperated by this accusation. It’s ridiculous, how insecure John was to even suggest that.

“He is a friend. And that’s all. I assure you he is not interested in me.” She had a dead serious certainty about this. If something was fixed in this universe, it was the fact that Viktor wasn’t interested in her. And she didn’t think of him that way either. Except the one time she let her mind wander, and she did. Which was a lie, because she thought that at least twice.

Once, when they met for the first time. She already knew Jayce, who made her gasp the first time she saw him. The impression passed, but friendship remained. Jayce and Viktor, freshly acquainted, were passing her classroom when a quake shook The Uppercity. It caused one of her test tubes to fall into the vial she was working on, breaking and triggering a teeny-tiny exoenergic reaction (it exploded). The hero within Jayce’s body drove him straight in to help any casualties, of which the only one was Renly, face full of colourful goo. From the floor, she glanced at Viktor walking in shortly after his partner, and she gasped, even more than when she had met Jayce. She immediately knew it was wrong to look for so long. Her suspicion was confirmed when Viktor’s expression shifted from amusement to the realization that his brief chance to present himself as more than the guy with a cane had passed. From that point forward, he was very formal with her, though he occasionally joked about history repeating itself within the academy walls.

It was a lie though, as well. She first saw Viktor by the riverbank in Zaun, as a child. She had been maybe seven, and he could have been slightly older. Her eyes, round and curious, followed him trying to chase down his mechanical ship taken by the stream. She tried to shadow him that day, but he disappeared in the mouth of a cave she was afraid to walk into. He had a smaller cane then and she thought him a magician. So, she only lingered in disbelief that their paths crossed once more and that he was, indeed, real. And also, in awe of how beautifully he has grown up. But overall, Renly counted it as a one time.

Second time, after she decided to stay at university to continue her research and teach students, they were copying the notes together and Jayce was growing more and more bored, so he kept trying to start random topics.

"I wonder if all of them are as pretty as Mel,” he said, trying to trace down beautiful Mel Medarda’s heritage while fishing for reassurance from his friends about their imminent romance.

“But maybe it’s not a rule. I mean, looking at the both of you I would say the rule for Zaun is to be full of attractive people as well,” Jayce was waffling on, and Renly grew tired of it.

“And ugly people. And short people. And tall people. And fat people, and skinny people, Jayce. It’s all just people, like in Piltover, there is no rule to here or Zaun. Initially, it’s the same city, and we all come from different places,” she said harshly not lifting her sight from the notes she was copying.

“Oh relax, it was a compliment! And I am looking for reassurance from you guys, yes,” he traced his finger down the blackboard, wiping some of the old equations away.

“Not very progressive of you, the Man of Progress. I can give you reassurance – Mel seems fine. You will be fine. You are a big boy, Jayce. But I do not need compliments, not because I’m from The Undercity, nor because I’m a woman,” Renly’s dead stare made Jayce look for help from Viktor. She gave him a pass and went back to scribbling.

“Vik, any help?”

“I’m afraid with this one I have to place myself in Renly’s corner. Even though of the two of us, I probably am the one that needs compliments,” Viktor also didn’t glance up from above his paperwork.

“No, you don’t,” Renly didn’t notice she now got the attention of both of her friends.

“You are, yourself, quite…” her mind was absent at this moment, so it was probably the other part of her that spoke the rest “…dreamy.” A second past, in which her brain caught up with her mouth and a deep shade of red bled into her cheeks and chest. She cleared her throat, stood up quickly and threw barely audible excuse me leaving the boys to exchange their looks and make their fun of her. Jayce snorted when Renly was out of hearing range and Viktor only mouthed a what was that? That was the second time, infinitely more mortifying than the first one.

“You put a lot of effort into assuring me of this, but you never once said if you are not interested in him. From where I’m standing, you are definitely not interested in me,” John’s voice broke her out of reminiscing.

Renly’s face went into stupid mode, twisting her features with disbelief. How dare he.

“Are you really saying what I’m hearing? Are you accusing me of infidelity based on your own insecurity? Have I truly given you any reason to believe I’m involved with anyone else but you? When do you think I would have time for that? Or do you actually not listen to me when I tell you about what I’m doing here and how much of my time and energy it consumes?” John’s expression grew more and more panicked as he saw how far he has overstepped.

“This is not… I didn’t…”

“What you didn’t do is think. You are the one who is not interested in me, John. You listen to me, but you do not register, nor remember anything I tell you. What do you want from me? Should I drop everything I’m doing just to dangle from your shoulder at the parties? Should I change the way I speak? Should I cut all my friends and relatives loose because they are from The Undercity? Would that make you feel secure enough?” she spat at him, becoming more and more angry with every sentence, self-winding regret fuelling her.

“Gods, this is not what I want, and you know it,” John brought his hand to the back of his neck, his voice gentler this time. “I just don’t feel like you want me around, is all,” he whispered, his words making Renly’s shoulders drop and her chest sink.

His fingers tapped an idle rhythm on the table, his eyes darting toward the adjoining lab room. It wasn’t the first time she’d caught him stealing glances at her colleagues’ workspaces, but she had always dismissed it as idle curiosity or stupid jealousy, first over Jayce, then over Viktor. Now, though, every stolen glance felt like a clue she should have picked up on sooner.

“I do,” she hesitated. “I did. I invited you to meet my people, come to my home, my work, my bed,” at which point, in the other room, Viktor—who was doing his absolute worst not to listen—squeezed a piece of chalk a little too hard, causing half of it to disintegrate into dust with a loud, whiny, bone-chilling sound that gave him goosebumps at the back of his neck. So, they slept together, great. Just great. It didn’t bother him at all, and yet… it bothered him greatly for some reason. Probably just because she will be a nightmare to be around for the next week or so.

Ridiculous, Viktor thought, though the word didn’t carry the weight he wanted it to. What did it matter who she invited into her bed? It certainly wasn’t his concern. The tightening in his chest wasn’t jealousy—it couldn’t be. No, it was irritation, that’s all. Irritation because she was so impulsive, so reckless, letting herself be distracted by someone so undeserving of her attention.

Why did it bother him? It wasn’t the first time she’d been entangled in some personal drama, and usually, he had the patience to tune it out. Yet here he was, bristling at every raised word, every pointed jab from John. It wasn’t his place to care. He had told himself years ago that people like Renly—bright, chaotic, and distractingly beautiful—were nothing but a complication. And yet, he found himself gripping his cane tighter every time John’s voice rose.

“Just realistically, I don’t think this is what you want. So, the obvious choice would be to put a pin in it until we both decide what we want,” her voice faltered. Breaking things off with John hadn’t been part of her plans for the day, and she could never have been emotionally prepared for this—especially not before breakfast. She wasn’t really breaking things off with him, either. Maybe a short, temporary break would do them good, cool things off. She fidgeted with her fingers under the table, becoming increasingly self-conscious about how much of the conversation Viktor had overheard.

“Really? So now it’s about me not respecting your Zaunian heritage, instead of you blowing me off at every opportunity?” at this point John knew that guilting her into giving it one more shot was probably his only chance. His father really wanted those hextech blueprints, and he would be very disappointed if John didn’t manage to get them. “Look, I don’t mind if we hang out here at all. But truth be told, you don’t really invite me here very often,” John said, his voice softer now, but there was an edge beneath it, like a scalpel disguised as a pen.

He had a way of twisting her words, making her feel like the selfish one for not prioritizing him more. It was a skill he wielded well, and for a moment, it almost worked. But the memory of all those little disappointments—the times he had brushed off her work as "just another experiment" or barely listened when she explained her progress—bubbled up like a pressure valve ready to burst. He did actually like her. She was his type – pretty, quirky, talented and driven. She could be a bit more elegant, but that would be polished with time. “We could make a schedule, meet here when nobody is around? Maybe you could even show me some hextech, hm?” with this, he knew he probably pushed a little bit too far, as her expression grew weary.

There it was again, that same calculated curiosity masked as casual conversation. At first, she had chalked it up to natural interest—what Piltover scholar wouldn’t want to know more about hextech? But now, with his eyes lingering too long on the blueprints and his questions steering the conversation in predictable directions, she couldn’t shake the feeling that this was about more than idle fascination.

“I… you know I don’t work with hextech,” she shook her head while her brain was glueing the pieces together. “Why would you…,” and it hit her gently, prompted by the guilt painting her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend’s face. Unbelievable. When she thought about it longer, he did usually snoop around innocently while waiting for her to wrap up work. He would wander between the lab rooms, seemingly just killing time, but she saw him linger on the blueprints more than once. When she told him about her experiments, he always drove the discussion towards Viktor and Jayce’s work. How are they doing? So does this hextech actually work? And what do they want to use it for again? And he tried to pin it on her sleeping with Viktor. The audacity.

Renly wanted to believe the relationship had been real, that it hadn’t just been about her work or her connections. But as she stared at him now—his charming smile just a little too polished, his words just a little too well-placed—she realized how many times she had ignored her instincts. How often she had pushed aside the nagging thought that he didn’t see her, not really. Just the parts of her that were useful.

“So… you come here and make a scene about the note that you seemingly wrote for me and that I didn’t get. You accuse me of cheating on you with my colleague,” at which point Viktor scoffed to himself in the other room. The idea of Renly and him being a thing was laughable. She was too stubborn, too unpredictable, too... distracting. And yet, John’s misplaced jealousy had struck an uncomfortable chord. Absurd, Viktor reassured himself. If anything, she deserves better than someone like me. She deserves better than both of us.  

“You propose a solution – let’s hang out here,” Renly exhaled, and her eyes rested on her hands with the realization of being used all this time hitting her hard. She didn’t think she cared that much. Frankly, having a normal secure relationship also with someone normal and secure was a hope she didn’t dare to entertain very often. It was mostly work and friends for her. So, when John came along, she just let it happen, as maybe, she thought, it was a good thing happening to her. Realizing there was no love in it, left her feeling numb.

In the other room, Viktor stopped pretending to work and simply sat on a stool, his hands and chin resting on his cane. That was new territory, a kind of danger they hadn’t anticipated. Also, he did feel angry for Renly – annoying as she was, she really didn’t deserve this. He wondered if he should intervene and kick John out, but the act would have to be based on his authority, which as a fellow Zaunian in John’s eyes he had none. Any show of force would need to be purely verbal—calculated and precise enough to leave the boy speechless and make him back down without a fight. While he was negotiating the terms of this heroic act with himself, he heard Renly’s voice echoing across the corridors: “I think it’s best you go.”

“Can we talk this through?” one last desperate attempt on John’s side as he covered Renly’s palm with his. She slid her hand from underneath his, threw a quick no over her shoulder and stepped through a heavy metal door that separated living area form the laboratory. She locked it behind her with a loud crank and immediately sank to hug her knees. Well, shit. This wasn’t part of her plan for today. And she didn’t want to cry in front of Viktor. If Jayce was here, he’d make it better, but he was with the beautiful Mel Medarda having breakfast in her quarters, which was a secret. Viktor would make fun of her—or worse, he’d get cross for endangering their life’s work. On one side of the door, her mean ex-boyfriend, on the other her mean niggling friend. She could just stay here.

“Do you need help getting up?” Viktor’s voice made her gasp and release the tears that were gathering under her eyelids, now streaming down her cheeks. And just to be clear, they were angry tears, not sad pathetic tears.

“Maybe,” Renly said, wiping her face with a sleeve, unable to bring herself to look him in the eye. She accepted his offered hand, which was about to pull her up. Unfortunately, the sudden movement sent a cramp shooting down Viktor’s calf, leaving Renly standing while he folded in half.

“Oh shit, Viktor I’m sorry, let me grab a stool!”

“Ah, no need. It’s fine. Just a cramp, it’ll stretch,” he panted, sliding down the corridor wall. She crouched down by him, question in her eyes about what to do.

“Well, where is it? I can… rub it out?” she heard herself saying and a darker shade of pink flushed her already enflamed cheeks. Viktor noticed. Her hands were faster than her brain this time and she already had his calf in her grasp, looking for the knot.

The warmth of her hands startled him, a flicker of something unwanted creeping into his thoughts. He shut it down immediately. She’s just helping. Don’t make it into something it isn’t. But the gentleness of her touch lingered longer than it should have, and when she looked up at him, her face flushed with concentration, he had to look away. Focus, Viktor. This means nothing.

“How did you get this so bad, Viktor?” she gasped at the state of her friend’s muscle, contracted like a rusty hinge. Her eyes full of concern, and some guilt. She made him uncomfortable in his own lab, because of some stupid drama. Stupid, yet it tore a hole in her heart.

Viktor remembered this look. He remembered the way she had looked at him back when they first met—not the awestruck gaze she reserved for Jayce, but something deeper, sharper. It had unnerved him. People always noticed the cane first; it was a fact he had come to accept. But she had looked past it—no, she had lingered on it, and he wasn’t sure whether it was curiosity, pity, or something else entirely. It didn’t matter now. He had decided long ago to keep her at a polite distance.

“Too much sitting down, ah!” he gasped when more pressure was applied “I tried to work through your… quarrel,” Viktor’s voice grew breathier, his eyebrows pinching together. Absent-mindedly, he placed his right hand on Renly’s shoulder and closed his eyes, letting his body relax into her touch. She was very careful, almost… affectionate.

“I guess this would fuel John’s theory,” he chuckled slightly, forgetting himself. Did he just admit that something was possible? Renly was too focused on getting rid of the knot to notice the awkward grunt following this sentence, and without much thought to it she said, “don’t be ridiculous.”

Something sunk in Victor’s chest hearing that. Of course, it was ridiculous. He was ridiculous. All of it. He was about to figure out how to run away, take his leg with him and tell her this is good enough, when she continued.

“I mean, we are not responsible for someone’s insecurities. I refuse to be. Also, as I presume you heard all of it, you will know that it was all a play,” she put so much attention into rubbing Viktor’s calf that the words just went out of her mouth. “Just to get his hands on hextech. So, I’m guessing this accusation was also fabricated to guilt me. Or he was obsessed with you. Which I understand… gotcha!” she exclaimed as the muscle relaxed under her fingers, and Viktor gave an involuntary moan, making both of them flush slightly.

The tension in his calf eased, but his chest felt impossibly tight. He was about to thank her—briefly, formally—when the look on her face stopped him. She was glowing, not with the self-satisfaction he often associated with Jayce, but with genuine care. It was infuriating. No, not infuriating—irrelevant. Why do you even notice these things? he scolded himself, rising awkwardly to his feet and turning away before the warmth in her eyes could undo him further.

“Forgive me, I… thank you,” was all he was able to say.

“That’s… it’s nothing, no worries.”

“I believe you know this, but in case you don’t—he’s a donkey, and you’re brilliant, yes?” Viktor tossed over his shoulder. “Ah, I’m not… thank you,” she said, standing in the corridor, confused, her face burning. What was that?

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | three.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, eventual smut

—word count: 4.8k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, mature language/sexually implied content, general bioengineering project descriptions/terms, very vague mention of mice research work, mentions of a lil cut (nothing graphic), a lil more oc x san!!, oc x san being subtle with their actions - they're def feeling each other/checking each other out tho lol, suave sexy san!!, jongho is onto him oop 🤨, it builds up from here i prawwwmise!

When Sunwoo said he needed help, he truly meant it. A few weeks into the new quarter, you find yourself hustling in the lab in between your class schedule. You do enjoy it though, and you find that you still have time to carve out for your friends and nights out. But, you do feel your workload slowly increasing just because Sunwoo is trying to make significant progress with his project— a project that you hope to build off if you were to fully join Professor Choi's lab. A project that would hopefully get your name on another published paper, too. And, you weren't gonna lie, you wanted to do your best and work extra hard because you needed Professor Choi to see that you fit perfectly in his lab. You needed to show him that this wasn't any ordinary research work to you and that you weren't just winging your time here, especially after he gave you that friendly but stern pep talk during your kick-off meeting with him, Belle and Sunwoo.

—FLASHBACK

"Hey." Professor Choi says while sitting in his chair. The three of you walk in, with Sunwoo plopping himself down on his couch, and you and Belle sitting at the two seats in front of his desk. "How's everyone doing?" He asks while typing away, huge Mac screen taking up the corner of his desk with his laptop connected on a laptop stand.

"Good!" You all say in your own ways.

"How about you, Professor Choi?" Sunwoo leans back onto the couch.

"Mm." He hums. "Good as can be, I guess. Can't complain." He chuckles, now fully shifting his attention to you three. "So! How'd the talk go?"

"Well, I think Y/N would work well with my project. There's so many avenues she could piggyback off of if she joins the lab afterwards that'll help contribute to a lot of the dynamic foraging, brain-wide neural dynamics work we've been doing." You watch as Professor Choi nods in agreement, now looking at you and Belle.

"She could also help with the lab-wide project I've been heading and some other 2-photon and KCR work." 

"Sounds good with me. What about you, Y/N?" He leans onto his desk, eyes glued on you while his hands are clasped together. You lick your lips and nod, nervous that all the attention is on you especially from Professor Choi. You feel like he's burning holes into you, and you can't help but feel incredibly intimidated. 

"Yeah, that sounds awesome. I'm on board with Sunwoo and Belle's plans. I'm excited to dive in." He smiles at you.

"Cool. I think we'll get some great work done during your rotation." He turns to Sunwoo. "Sunwoo, can I trust you to take care of Y/N's badge access and getting her set up with everything she needs?"

"For sure!"

"Thanks." Professor Choi stands. "And just cause I have to lay this out there, there are some expectations I hold for the people in my lab— regardless if you're a rotation student, postdoc, undergrad, staff. It doesn't matter. I expect the highest performance out of everybody, and I want my people to succeed no matter how long it takes. I expect my people to do nothing but the best and I need that to show in everything you do. Presentations. Data. Papers. Everything. I don't want anyone to settle for less than that, and you have my support every step of the way."

"Of course, noted."

"We have lab meetings every Monday at 9am up on the third floor of the south wing. I'll get you on the schedule so you can do your rotation update towards the end of the quarter."

"Journal club!" Sunwoo says, making Professor Choi laugh. "One of us!"

"Yeah, we'll get you to do a journal club presentation too." He tucks his hands in his pockets.

"Professor Choi gets us free hot breakfast for lab meetings." Belle puts her hand on your arm as you all stand and start to get ready to leave. "It's so good." You giggle.

"So, all good? We're all onboard?" You three turn to Professor Choi and nod. "Nice. Welcome to the lab, Y/N." He flashes you a smile that only you catch, a look that only you see. Like it was meant to be that way.

Your time in Professor Choi's lab will be an interesting one.

—END

"Hey." You pull out a seat and plop onto the chair, sipping on the drink you just ordered.

"Hey pretty!" Eunchae giggles, while Felix, Jiung and Jurin wave.

"Where have you been?" Felix asks, poking at your bicep.

"Shuffling between class and lab." You let out a breath, bottom lip poking out into a pout.

"She's rotating in Professor Choi's lab." Jiung looks at Jurin.

"San?" You nod. "Damn, goodluck!" Jurin chimes in and you shake your head. "He's a hottie."

"Here we go." Felix snorts.

"I mean, are we wrong?" She looks at him and playfully nudges his side, causing him to groan in response. 

"I never said you were wrong!" Eunchae giggles at his pained response. "That's just the hot topic on campus. Him and his friends."

"So hot. They deserve to be the talk on campus." Eunchae rests her chin on the palm of her hand. "How has it been in his lab?"

"It's been good! Just really fucking busy. Sunwoo is like.. at the peak of his project. He'll probably try to submit his paper within the year or something if all goes well."

"Fun times." Jiung looks at you while sipping on his smoothie. "You going back to lab after?"

"Yup!"

"I gotta head back, too." Felix says. 

"Same. I gotta run my gels." Eunchae adds.

"What about you?"

"Not today." Jiung responds. "I have a paper I need to start already for one of my classes. I've just been trying to troubleshoot some of the lasers in the lab for the other Professor Choi so I'm not entirely busy yet." You nod, checking your apple watch to peep the time. "Are you guys gonna be able to catch dinner later?"

"I should be."

"Yeah, same."

"Mm. I dunno." You tilt your head. "You can probably go without me and I'll catch up if I can."

"Sheesh, really putting you to work already."

"Yup." You sigh, finishing up your drink and your snack box full of cheese, grapes and crackers. "Anyway, I gotta get going. I told Sunwoo I'd try and fix our behavior rig today so we can start utilizing it soon."

"Text us if you'll be able to join dinner and we'll wait!" Jurin yells before you wave them off and start making your way back to the Harvey Center to finish up your tasks in lab. Part of you really wanted to stay with your friends and hang out for the rest of the afternoon, but you had promised Sunwoo you'd take the time to fix the behavior rig he had been working on for the past month. He just hasn't had the bandwidth to focus on it lately, so having you is tremendous help for him. 

When you get to the lab, there's still quite a few people lingering around in the office area in the basement, surprisingly. You pop over to their desks for small talk, getting to know the people in the lab and the projects they're working on. Most are situated at their desks, analyzing their data and coding between two monitor screens. Everyone's equally nice and passionate about what they do, it makes the environment less stressful knowing it's collaborative and engaging instead of being in a competitive nature. Belle pulls you aside to get your help just as Sunwoo is packing up for the day and thanking you for your help with the behavior rig. She takes about an hour or so of your time, giving you a quick rundown of the procedures she's working on and what you could help with in the next few weeks. It's after your time with Belle that you finally get to sit down at your desk and focus on the rig sitting on top of it. You don't think it'll take much time, and you feel like you'll actually be able to catch dinner with your friends.

Until you realize how difficult it is get everything situated on the breadboard properly. 

San hums as he walks through the cold air, pacing towards the Harvey Center to get to his office. He's just had a good workout at the faculty lounge, and he doesn't expect too many people [if any] to be lingering around in the open office space of the lab. He knows people are cooped up in their own laser or behavior rooms right now, and it's not even the first time he'll be strolling in casual clothes. He tries to keep himself clean and pressed down, but he too, has his days where he just wants to head to work in some jeans. A tshirt. Hoodie.

Right now, the cold is pricking his skin because he's in a black Nike dry fit shirt and sweats. He's running to the office to finish up a few last minute things before heading home and relaxing. As expected, the hallway feels eerily quiet. He assumes there could be one or two people locked away in the rooms, but he won't bother. When he gets into the office space, he doesn't see anyone in particular until he turns the corner towards his office and finds you sitting at your desk in the corner. The computer screen is pretty bright, and you've got your hands tied with a rig. 

He definitely wasn't expecting you to be here.

"Fuuuck." He hears you slightly whine when the small allen wrench in your hand slips and tumbles to the floor, followed by a few screws sitting on your desk.

"Hey Y/N, you okay?" San asks, dropping his duffle bag right in front of his office door before slowly walking over to you. You look up in surprise, eyes quickly scanning Professor Choi in his casual outfit. You're stunned at how good he looks in something so simple, how big and defined his arms are in that tight shirt; he looks so good you almost forget to respond.

He sure as hell catches on though, a tiny smirk growing at the corner of his lips.

"Oh, yeah. I'm trying to unscrew this but Sunwoo's got it in there tightly. I'm afraid I'm weak." He laughs and shakes his head.

"Nah. You're not weak." He picks up the allen wrench from the floor. "Which one?"

"This." You point. "And this too, while you're at it." He chuckles.

"You got it, boss." San angles himself closer to you, face only inches away from yours when he dips to get a better look. You watch as his arm muscles flex when he gets the wrench in there and starts undoing the screw, loosening it in a matter of seconds. "I'll let you do the rest." He moves onto the next and loosens it shortly after. When he finishes, his face is only inches away from yours and he keeps a hold there. He's looking at you again, really looking at you, and you feel the heat rise to your cheeks. You're not sure what else to do besides nibble on your bottom lip.

"Thank you." You manage to choke out. He gives you a soft smile before handing you the allen wrench and standing fully upright.

"You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" 

"Um, no. I didn't." San looks at your hand a little further and notices the fresh scratch near your pinky— probably due to your hand slipping from the force, scratching it against one of the mounts sitting on the board. 

"I didn't expect you to lie to me so quickly." He teases, slight whine in his tone while he clicks his teeth. "Can I see?" You show him your hand. "Come to my office, got some ointment for it." He nods towards his door and leads the way. San could damn well show you to the lab's first aid kit down the hall, but his office is much closer and he'd feel a bit better than just sending you off to fend for yourself. 

"Professor Choi, I can just find the—" Before you can finish your sentence, he's already swinging his door open and holding it open for you.

"It's much quicker than heading down the hall to the first aid kit." He laughs a bit. You give him a tiny smile as you brush past and walk into his office, feeling a bit awkward being in his private space for something as little as a cut. You fiddle with your fingers as he places his duffle bag down onto the couch before grabbing the first aid kit in one of the drawers near his desk. He grabs a small pack of ointment and a bandaid, approaching you in the middle of the room. "Mind if I..?"

"Not at all." You leave out your hand for Professor Choi to take and he gently tugs it closer. He applies the ointment on your scab, dabbing it lightly across the surface before grabbing the bandaid and placing it on top. 

"There."

"Thank you, Professor Choi."

"You're welcome. Be careful next time. Make sure Sunwoo does the heavy lifting."

"I know. He's good help. I just figured I'd help him get a head start." San gives you a small smile. "Mind if I ask? What're you doing here later in the evening?"

"Sometimes, I just stay to get my work done. Can't always rely on my home office to keep me productive." He chuckles. "Plus, I get my workouts in at the faculty lounge." You nod.

"I see."

"How long have you been in the lab today?"

"I've been in and out in between classes."

"You haven't eaten dinner?"

"Nope. Dining hall doesn't close until 9pm, though." San looks at the time on his computer.

"Which is getting pretty close. You should wrap it up." You look at him with a small pout and it feels too difficult having to keep his composure while you keep looking at him like that. His eyes quickly dip to the low cut shirt you're wearing before he manages to divert his attention back up to your eyes. The tension is palpable, but you don't say anything. Even if you caught it, even if you wanna tease him a little. You try to stick to your own lane in case all of this is pure delusion. 

You're so fucking pretty, though. It's bad for San. 

Unhealthy.

"I mean, don't get me wrong. It's nice knowing you're working hard in the lab." He follows up with a laugh. "But, you should also get some time in for yourself. Rest and eat well. You can always come back to the work tomorrow."

"What if I fall behind?"

"There's no such thing on falling behind if you're constantly working on so many different aspects, Y/N. Plus, it's not gonna be perfect. You'll have days that're slow, that'll feel like you aren't getting much out of your project. But, I promise it picks up again and things will come out of it regardless."

"Noted." You smile at him. "I appreciate that."

"How about I finish up in there and we head out together? I'd really hate to leave you here in the office alone, especially if I don't have to." You look at him and even though everything inside of you is fighting, pleading, to say no, you end up with—

"Okay." You softly respond. "I'm gonna go clean up."

"Sounds good. I'll be out in a minute." He gives you that look again and you hate that you don't know if he looks at everyone else like this or just you. You eye him once more even as he's turned towards his desk checking his phone before you head out of his office and to your desk. You did make good progress on the rig, which you know Sunwoo would be grateful about. The only thing he needs to do is add the part he created the other day, a tube where the mouse would be situated for lick behavior tests.

Meanwhile, San plops onto his computer chair and pulls up his emails, looping in the appropriate people to help fix certain issues. He's got a few emails regarding just-in-time information needed for the grants he's been re-applying for, making a mental note to hop on a quick meeting with the people involved so they can get their reports and data together and send it off in a timely manner.

It never ends, he thinks. 

All is his life consists of now is work. The lab. Collaborating in various projects across departments. Working out. Sometimes, San wishes there was something else he could look forward to. Something else that could take time out of his day, something that he could put his attention to. Something like—

jongho: still on campus?

He turns to his phone when the text tone goes off, seeing the message from Jongho. San quickly checks the time and finishes up the last email he was working on before he got distracted.

san: yeah, gonna head out tho. just working on some last min urgent emails that came in.

jongho: wanna grab something to eat? i'll meet you at your car

san: alright, give me like 10 mins. 

San sends off his last few emails before checking his calendar for tomorrow's meetings. He has a virtual talk after class that he needs to prep for, which he'll do later tonight. Plus, he'll need to gather that information for the grants. Just thinking about it makes San breathe out a heavy sigh, slightly feeling overwhelmed at his never-ending to-do list.

Yeah, a new hobby or distraction would be nice.

"Ready?" You turn to see Professor Choi locking up his office, duffle bag slung on his shoulder. When he's done, he turns and gives you a small smile; patiently waiting for you to be ready. You nod, locking your computer and grabbing your things before walking out behind him.

"So, do you always work out in the evenings?"

"I try to, yeah." You look up at him while he walks alongside of you. "Helps me release steam from all the stuff going on."

"I can only imagine." You tug on your bag strap. "I don't know how you do it with your busy schedule."

"I'm not too busy." He says in a playful tone. "Just enough."

"Sure." You laugh. "Everyone knows how busy and occupied you are, Professor Choi."

"What if everyone just hypes me up too much and has the wrong idea about me?"

"I doubt that."

"How would you know, hm?" He smiles when he presses the elevator door. 

"Oh, please. I never not see you in a meeting or talking to someone, or doing a talk somewhere." You slip into the elevator with him. He rests against the rail on the opposite side from where you stand, fully facing you. "You even did that episode not too long ago for Professor Young's podcast."

"Wow, you really keep up, don't you?"

"How could I not?" He chuckles.

"That's nice to know that you do." He means it. As much as he loves when people treat him like a regular person, he also loves it when people keep up with his projects. His papers. His talks. He's not gonna lie; it is an ego boost, and he likes knowing that people take time out of their day because they're interested in hearing what he has to say or what he's working on now.

It's definitely nice coming from you.

You quietly stand off to the side, watching as the elevator takes you from the basement to floor 1 of the building. San is subtly eyeing you from where he stands, noticing how you keep to yourself and shift your weight between your feet in some kind of anxious move to get off of the elevator. You can barely look him in the eye and he thinks it's cute.

"What're your plans after you get dinner, Y/N?" He breaks the silence as you step out of the elevator and out of the building. The night isn't too chilly— the stars are dotting the sky beautifully, crickets are beginning to chirp. There aren't too many people moving across campus anymore, which is the usual at this time. Most are huddled up in lab if they're the working night-owl type, or resting at their dorms or apartments to get ready for the next day.

"Finish my loads of homework and try to hang out with my friends for a bit if we all aren't too tired."

"That's nice, minus the homework part." You giggle.

"What about you? If you don't mind me asking." He smiles.

"I don't. I'm just gonna meet up with the other Professor Choi and grab dinner with him."

"You two are close, yeah?" He nods.

"Yup."

"That's cute." 

"Is it?" He asks in a playful, sing-song way that has you shifting your attention to your feet to bite back a huge smile.

"It is. Very." You finally look up at him and meet his eyes. "By the way, I hope I'm not making you walk extra steps tonight." You point at the dining hall just down the path. "I can take it from here if you need to get to your car or meet him somewhere else."

"It's alright, I parked right over here." He nods towards the parking garage coming up on the left. "Easiest garage to find parking at."

"Works out then." You give him a tiny, toothless smile.

"Your friends are able to join you for dinner, right?"

"Should be. I'll call them in a few." You pause in your steps when the garage is directly to the left now. "Thanks for walking me, Professor Choi."

"You sure you don't need me to walk you towards the end of the path?"

"All good. I'm a big girl." He laughs.

"Yeah." He's doing that thing again. That thing where he just looks at you with a certain glint in his eye— a certain glint that makes you overthink, makes you wonder if he does this with everyone he comes across, or if it's just you. 

"Goodnight, I hope you have a good dinner."

"You too." You give him one last smile and wave before you start walking towards the dining hall, creating more distance between you two. You don't catch the way he continues to watch you until you've managed to cross the street and approach the dining hall— phone pressed against your ear because he assumes you're calling up your friends to meet you.

When he feels comfortable to take his eyes off of you, he crosses the way to the garage and starts walking towards his car that's sitting on the current ground level, Jongho patiently leaning against the tail end of it.

"Uh." Jongho laughs. "The hell was that?"

"What was what?"

"I saw you from here, don't try and be slick on me now." 

"It was nothing?" San pops open his trunk and tosses his duffle bag in.

"Didn't look like it." Jongho snorts.

"Y/N was just in lab and I didn't want her to leave alone."

"Your rotation student?"

"Mhm."

"Okay. I'm all for being a gentleman but be careful." He gives him a look.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I've known you for years, bro. There's a certain look in your eyes and it doesn't exactly scream 'nothing.'" 

"Well, it is." Is all San says. He doesn't really have anything else to say because he doesn't wanna sound like he's defending himself way too much when he doesn't need to. He knows better. Maybe. Hopefully.

"Aye." Jongho shrugs. "Want you to be happy but just keep it safe, yeah? You've worked really hard for everything you have."

"I know." San lets out a breath. "Anyway, where do you wanna go for dinner?"

"Happy hour at the bar nearby? I can be passenger princess, or if you really want, we can drive separately to make it easier. I guess." He playfully huffs, making San chuckle.

"Just get in." 

On the way to the bar, Jongho gives San more details about the collaboration and that the group is incredibly interested in moving forward. San nods, agreeing that it would be good for them and everyone involved both funding-wise and opportunity-wise. Jongho then tells San about his recent grants that were finally accepted and re-awarded, giving him a little more leeway to purchase new equipment he's been having his eyes on for Jiung and a few other of his lab members to toy around with. There's a certain idea that's been floating in his head for awhile now, one that San honestly doesn't understand much about because electrical engineering is a whole other beast to him. He gets the gist, and he knows Jongho has only done incredibly work, continuing to one-up himself every single time he comes back around with a new idea.

"So, there's another thing I've been thinking about." Jongho says, as they finally arrive to the sports bar and follow the host to a table on the back patio. 

"Should I be scared?" San asks as they sit and immediately order their go-to beers and the karaage they love so much. 

"I was thinking of asking the dean for some real estate at the new campus building."

"Bartlett Hall? The one that just finished construction?" Jongho nods.

"Mhmmm." He responds in a sing-song tone. "I briefly mentioned it to him in passing and he told me we'd talk more, but was hoping to get you onboard, too."

"Why me?" San laughs, picking at a piece of karaage with a toothpick before popping it into his mouth. Before San can hear Jongho's reasoning, the server comes back to take their orders. They both order different burgers, planning to exchange a half for the other. 

"Was thinking we could open the joint department together, finally have a space for us to combine our work in electrical engineering and bioengineering." San pokes out his bottom lip and nods.

"Sooo, we'd have to write a whole pitch and sell it to the dean?"

"Yeah basically, but we can run it by Namjoon first and see what he says."

"I'm down. I dunno if the dean will budge without implementing certain requirements from our end, but, I'm down to try."

"Yeah?" Jongho laughs. "Glad to hear you're down. It'll be good! I've been thinking about it for awhile but I was always hesitant. Think it's probably just best to take the leap. Worst thing they can say is no."

"That's true. Yeah, I'm down. It'll be good for the students and the postdocs. They'll have a space for them to collaborate together. Pretty exciting to think about, actually."

"Thought so." Jongho sips his beer. "I'll start working on a proposal and send it to you for edits."

"Sounds good with me."

"How was that meeting with Zara, by the way? I never got around to asking."

"Oh, it was good." He shrugs. "We talked a lot about getting her lab situated and getting on more grants ASAP."

"Sounded like a productive talk. Have you met again afterwards?"

"Yeah, it was." San clears his throat. "We met a few more times just to talk a bit more on some finer details for her lab and plans. Hope it was helpful at least. I turned her to Namjoon most of the time cause who else would know more?" Jongho laughs.

"Yeah."

"She's cool, though. Really sweet." Jongho snorts. "What?"

"I see Mingi's plan isn't really working well." San rolls his eyes, stuffing a few fries into his mouth before taking a bite. 

"Yeah, no. It's not." San shakes his head. "Don't even think about instigating, either."

"It's kinda fun. Plus, she's obviously attracted to you."

"No." San shuts it down.

"Why not? Why don't you just continue seeing where it goes?"

"I am, and I'm still in the same position I was when I first met her."

"Which is?"

"I respect her as a colleague and a colleague only." San glares at him. "I'm not going to force anything that isn't meant to happen." 

"Okay, fine. You're right. I'll get behind that." Jongho dips his last fry into the ketchup before looking back up at his bestfriend. "But at least promise me you won't be entirely closed off to it if it does naturally develop into something?"

"Uh." San pauses. He pauses not because of Zara or whatever Jongho's saying right now; he meant to agree, but he finds his thoughts suddenly roaming to.. you.

His curiosity, the need to learn more about you.

"Hello?"

"Sorry." San shakes the thoughts from his head in case Jongho can hear it or something. "Yeah."

"Definitely not genuine. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing."

"I can hear you thinking."

"Can you? That's an invasion of privacy."

"It's her, isn't it?"

"I literally have no idea what you're talking about." Jongho stares and gives him a certain look, causing San to divert his attention away. Away from him, onto anything, anyone nearby.

"Yeah, okay. That's all I needed to know." Jongho quietly sips on the rest of his beer before pushing his plate aside and sitting back into the seat. "San, make your decisions wisely."

"I already told you it was nothing."

"Okay." Jongho says in defeat, leaving the topic alone. All he wants is for San to be genuinely happy, just like their other friends do. But, he's also hoping San is smart enough to make the right [and wise] decisions.

Not be blinded by anything, causing him to make irrational and impulsive decisions based on his feelings.

"Anyway, are you good to go?" San crumples the napkin and tosses it onto his plate before standing up and grabbing his keys, phone.

"Yeah, I am."

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom @barbielibra @brown88 @choisansplushie @yunhoswrldddd @hyukssunflower @vickykazuya @lucid-galaxys-world @jaytheatiny @pommelex @thespiffynerd

[mysteryshoptls]

R Azul Ashengrotto - School Uniform Vignette

"By a mere die"

[Classroom]

Azul: Good afternoon, all. Oh, Idia-san, I see you've arrived already.

Idia: Azul-shi… You finally showed up to the club room. Look at this.

Idia: I finally got my hands on the latest edition of the "Magical Game of Life."

Azul: The "Magical Game of Life"…? If I recall, that's a board game, yes?

Idia: Right! You roll a die to move your little car along the board, get married, have children, buy a house, sometimes go bankrupt…

Idia: It's a decision-game revolving around whatever life may throw at you!

Idia: Here, we're in the Board Game Club, we should toss a few dice around and play a proper board game.

Azul: Ah, no… I think I'll pass. I am not very fond of games that rely on luck.

Idia: Here we go again, you always say that. All you play are strategy games like land cultivation, or shop management.

Idia: Don't you ever get bored of always picking games you constantly have to use your brain for? It's not bad to pick something that's got an element of randomness to it, you know.

Azul: Those luck-based games just are at the whim of chance.

Azul: I prefer games that allow me to polish my strategizing skills.

Azul: A game like the "Magical Game of Life" in which all we do is throw some dice around is just utterly imbecilic…

Idia: Uh-huuuh. So basically…

Idia: You have no confidence that you can win in any game that doesn't require strategy. …Right?

Azul: Excuse me?

Idia: Even the great and powerful Azul-sama cannot hope to win against pure luck. You don't have the intellect to coerce the outcome of the thrown dice, hm.

Idia: I seeee, I seeee! Fweheheh, I get it, I get it. Okay then, it's fine, you don't have to play.

Azul: …Who do you think you're speaking to?

Azul: Do you think I would lose to you in a game where all we do is roll dice?

Idia: Heehee… I never said I thought you'd lose. I'm just saying you don't have to go through the trouble.

Azul: You certainly know how to provoke people. …Fine.

Azul: I shall go along with your little game today.

Idia: Here we go, let's get the game on a roll! First, pick out the color that'll be your car…

Idia: Geheh. Looks like you lose another three turns according to the all-powerful dice.

Azul: How…

Azul: How could my life be affected by a mere die…!?

Idia: And while you're doing that, I've struck oil.

Azul: What is with that sudden development!? Why did an oil field suddenly appear in the middle of a shopping center!?

Idia: Hey, chill, it's just a game. It's your turn now. Roll the dice already.

Azul: …It's a 2.

Idia: …Oh-hooo?

Idia: "You purchased a home, but it is in disrepair. Lose 5,000,000 Madol. Oof! That sucks!

Azul: There is no way that I, of all people, would fall for a scam like this…! This game is absurd!

[Interior Hallway]

Idia: Whew, Azul-shi was a sight to see last week. I still remember how infuriated he got… Bwahaha.

[Classroom]

Idia: Oh hey, Azul-shi. You're early today.

Azul: 5… 5… 3.

Idia: Azul-shi?

Azul: One more time, 5… 2… No good, next… 3.

Idia: Heeey.

Azul: Perhaps I need to use more speed. 5, 5… 5! Yes! ….Oh, Idia-san. You're here.

Idia: Yup. You looked like you were in your own little world, what's going on?

Azul: Ah, yes. As you can see, I've been practicing dice rolling.

Azul: As the result of all my practice, I now have a 1 in 3 chance of rolling the number I want.

Idia: The number you want!? How is that possible…?

Azul: I hold the die with the 2 facing up, then toss with a flick of the wrist. I'll get about 4 and a half rotations with the strength I put in.

Azul: Watch the die roll… See, a 5!

Idia: Azul-shi, don't tell me… Have you been practicing throwing dice ever since you lost in the Magical Game of Life last week!?

Azul: I merely lost last week due to my negligence.

Azul: It became a simple game of chance simply because I was unprepared.

Idia: But that's the point of board games like these…

Azul: Not at all, it only happened due to a lack of preparation.

Azul: If I focus on the game and compensate for the luck element…

Azul: I can even conquer this sort of board game!

Idia: You're… Trying to remove the element of chance from a game of luck!?

Azul: However, I'm still not at my peak. I can still improve even further. I'll try throwing the dice a little stronger this time…

Idia: Azul-shi? Heeeey, Azul-shi, you hearing me?

Azul: A 4… Off by one pip…

Idia: He's completely immersed. I don't think he hears me at all.

Azul: 4… 4… And a 3 this time. I'll need to steady my wrist more… Another 4…

Idia: Y'know, I always thought that despite how he looks, Azul-shi is pretty straightforward and tenacious…

Idia: And goes all out for everything.

Azul: Alright! That is five 4's in a row! There's no way I will lose now!

Requested by @pianostarinwonderland.

[onboardsorasora]

so my brain hasn't been the nicest and I literally can't seem to find the focus to write anything lately (I'm also looking for some serotonin T_T) so I'm popping on to drop the first like scene of otaku daniel because i honestly in my current state can't see me ever finishing it but I love it so much so yeah. I hope you guys like it, I've been meaning to post this for so long so I'm doing it before I chicken out again :(((

“Oh, a new sub! Max_v_maxx33, enchante.” The voice was accompanied by a grin and wink before a pink tongue was once again sticking out of the side of a heart shaped mouth.

Max settled himself in his rig, scratching a pec absently. He wasn’t scheduled to stream with Team Redline for another hour and that was good, he’d made sure to schedule the group stream after Daniel was finished with his. 

He’d found the account by accident a few weeks ago, a clip from a stream had made its way to instagram and he would admit to himself and himself only that he’d been dazzled by a smile and crinkly eyes. He didn’t watch many other streamers, and didn't particularly care to. He only streamed because Gianni had said it would have been a good way to get sponsors for Redline and he’d been right. 

Their streams were popular, no matter what they were playing. And once they disconnected, they tended to stay online longer– just to play some more together. Privately like they used to. 

Max didn’t really enjoy watching other people game. He also didn’t enjoy vlogs, yet he found himself tuning into Daniel’s streams when he could. If only to hear him laugh a little, or a lot. Daniel laughed a lot and Max loved to hear the sound.

He figured it wouldn’t hurt to sub from one of his burner accounts. Daniel’s account was a guilty pleasure of his and he didn’t need to share him with the wider world.

Dan_the_Badge3 or Daniel was a relatively smaller account. He lived and breathed anime and anything kawaii. It took Max a little time to understand that, he’d been annoyed at himself that he wouldn’t stop watching after the third time when Daniel went off into a rant about which anime were better for people starting out. He’d gotten into a full blown argument with the chat and ended up pausing his game. Max didn’t watch anime, didn’t plan to, but he found himself making note of Daniel’s choices all the same.

Daniel’s curly hair was dark, long and wild. And always covered by his favourite headphones that had cat ears on top. He rotated between three designs, and currently he used a blue and white pair with ‘old skool’ flames on them. He always sported a sweatshirt or hoodie, mostly his own designs and he loved them oversized so he could have ‘sweater paws’. Max found it endearing as hell. 

Today was Wednesday and Daniel used those for productivity power hours for his subscribers. He usually did something mundane and would chatter away for an hour or so. He called his Wednesday streams “Badger Mode” and at first Max didn’t ‘get it’, but a quick lurk of the chat had produced people chiming in on what they planned to work on and others thanking Daniel for his ‘parallel play’ and ‘sprints’.

Max inadvertently found that he relaxed more before Redline’s Wild Wednesday streams than any other day. So maybe Badger Mode had more positives than just him staring at the slope of Daniel’s nose for an hour. What a cute nose it was.

“So I told Chelle that I wanted to like try crochet– because she makes all these pretty things and like she laughed at me and asked me if I could count.” Daniel’s voice was fondly annoyed while he spoke about his older sister. Max grinned to himself at Daniel’s exaggerated eye roll. He had a skein of red yarn in one hand and a hook in the other, the pattern had already been started. “So I annoyed her until she gave me these and started a pattern for me. I wanna make like a small plushie, but maybe I should like start with something basic. Like a scarf. Or maybe a– a square.” Daniel continued to ramble and Max felt his shoulders drop in relaxation.

“What are you guys working on today, chat?” Daniel leaned back into his gamer chair– that also had cat ears– and put his foot up on the corner of the desk. A static rectangle popped up on the screen obscuring his feet with a cartoon honey badger holding a sign that read ‘no feet for free’. Max chuckled. 

“Good luck on your essay Falconado73! Meerlymeerly I feel your pain, that laundry isn’t gonna do itself!” Daniel continued to babble to the chat while attempting to crochet and Max enjoyed watching his fingers as he tried to work. “Jeepers, I really can’t count. Do you guys mind if I like count aloud for these next couple rows to get the hang of it? No one like told me there was so much counting involved?!” Daniel laughed before starting a halted counter while he focused hard on the red material.

Max checked his phone, answering a few emails about sponsor stuff and replying to the Redline private discord. He looked up a few times to see that Daniel’s tongue was once again sticking out of his mouth and he felt hopelessly endeared. His cat, Sassy, jumped into his lap for a second. 

“What’s that mark on your neck?” Daniel leaned closer to his screen to read before leaning back and laughing merrily. Max’s eyes honed to his exposed neck for this proposed mark and he absolutely ignored the slight clench in his chest. 

“I bet you all are hoping it's something like juicy but it isn’t. Yeah nah, sorry to burst your pervy bubbles.” Daniel snorted and Max took a deep breath. “I thought I was gonna get stung by a wasp and like was trying to bat it away with my brush and I scratched myself with the bristles. Then I realized it wasn’t a wasp but like a bee and I felt like so bad cause I didn’t want to accidentally kill it.” 

Daniel continued to ramble while he worked and Max stared at his mouth, at how his lips formed his words before stretching in a smile. Max thought Daniel’s Australian accent was hot as hell.

“How is the apartment search going?” Daniel read again and groaned. Max’s ears perked up, apartment search?

“Itssssss not going? Nah, yeah I haven’t like started looking as yet. I don’t even know which country I want to move to yet. So we’re still in the beginning stages of like that whole thing.” Daniel laughed. “Move to Japan with Yuki? Oh mochiro– I mean it's not out of the realm of possibilities. Yeah that’s all I’ll say there. I have like a list of countries and I guess I need to do a pros and cons thing–” 

Daniel did that sometimes, mixed other languages with his babbling. He spoke Japanese with his friend Yuki when they streamed together– there was an ai translator bot that provided subtitles, except for when they started rambling and laughing and it couldn’t pick up what they were saying. Those times, Max just liked to stare at Daniel. And he sometimes spoke Italian, specifically when he was speaking to people off camera, like his grandparents.

Max’s phone beeped with his Redline stream reminder. He stroked Sassy’s fur before hovering his mouse over the exit stream button. He took a long look at Daniel’s smiling face before leaving the stream and jumping into his team’s account.

[deviouscrackers]

MY opinion on todays TSAMS ep

Going to try and keep this constructive, because criticism without offered solutions is just dumb. (Got a bit long, sorry)

(I've had to use data to watch it since my wifi isn't existing for some reason (like everything is working but for some reason it ain't showing up on the connect list).)

Todays TSAMS episode... hm.

What did I like about it? Well, I liked Dark Sun pressuring Sun, the desperation in Sun's voice and his reluctance to kill Nexus at first. I liked how Moon came rushing in, and the fact that both him and Solar were willing to die to protect Sun. Nexus's scream was pretty good too. I think Reed and Davis did pretty well acting-wise.

(I can't comment too much on the exact dialogue, since I had to rush through and conserve my data.)

All in all, a solid episode.

Where the episode falls flat, at least for me, is that it's very noticeably lacking something.

Ironically, it's also very similar to why I no longer watch TFF Fnaf, even though the potential of Bryan's character rotates in my brain like it's in a microwave.

Today's episode had too much buildup for what ended up being. I'm not purely talking about Nexus's death and the months of buildup, I'm talking about from a viewing stand point as well.

The "marketed appeal" (I dunno what else to call it tbh), of this particular episode set was that it was a three parter halloween special/arc finale that had the last part premiering.

The first part, The Halloween Party, did very well with the collab, the way the events took place, the editing was good... it was very solid, and I enjoyed it. It got me interested in what was to come, got me wondering who took Moon, what's going to happen next?

The second part was also excellent. Goliath versus the Dragon was a thrilling addition and Ruin helping Moon nicely showed off his character. The way Nexus yelled when he realized what had happened, nicely done too. I left that episode wondering what would happen to Ruin, who would win the dragon fight, will Sun and Moon find each other in time, will Sun's trance come into play at any point in time?

The last episode did not deliever on what the first two episodes were bringing up. The dragon did not come back, and with what Dark Sun said about not wanting to see Sun again, it most likely won't. Sun and Moon did find eachother, but it wasn't all that impactful? It felt more silly than anything else.

After writing this all, I realize what exactly I felt was missing.

The episode felt like filler, almost?

Throughout Dark Sun's regular antagonist position on the channel, and specifically near the end, after the dragon had been revealed, it felt like he had a plan. Something cooking up in the background that involved all these complex pieces. And in a way he did, but it wasn't satisfying. What was the point of the dragon? What was the point of asking Ruin how long? What was the point of all of that, if he's just going to leave? Dark Sun did almost nothing, and while I want to believe that all of it was because he that "data", he went about it in such a stupid way!

Nexus's death, while well acted, also just wasn't satisfying either.

I think ultimately, the disappointment I feel with the episode is a result of things feeling rushed, underdeveloped, or just not elaborated on. Nexus felt uncared for as a character and I think the story could've done without Dark Sun. It could also be that we just haven't seen everything that's too come with the story yet, and there's loose ends or extra stuff to be told. I want to continue watching, because I enjoy TSAMS, and I'm a huge fan of Davis and his va work.

Because I don't want to sound like all I'm doing is complaining, I want to offer a solution.

I think, something that's bogging TSAMS down as a whole, is how often it's being posted and how that really spreads the story thin. Three times a week with one "lore" episode per week would work well. Yes, that mean less daily views, but it could potentially boost the lifetime of the channel for a while. It'd be easier to catch up when a viewer has fallen behind and allow the episodes, both gaming and story, to breathe.

At the end of the day though, I don't know how the channel works, I'm not a va for the channel, I don't work for them. This is just my own opinion on it and if I write anymore I will begin rambling on about why Season 1 of TFF Fnaf was peak and the others weren't (jokes but I do think both TFF Fnaf and TSAMS have a lot of similarities when it comes to the writing issues).

Anywyayyyaahha Happy North Hemisphere Halloween, losers :P

[insomnya777]

Hello! First I want to say I adore your boat boys super power AU so much, it’s currently rotating at light speed in my brain like a broken microwave. I think I’ve read at least six times all the way through with what you have, it’s fantastic!

I was also wondering if you had any other recs or personal favorites for boat boys fics, or just fics in general, I’m always looking for recommendations and wonderful authors usually also have great tastes in other fics as well! Thank you for what you do for the boat boy and smalletho community, you’re keeping us well fed lol

Oh my god I have many many recommendations!!!! I've actually been waiting for someone to ask me this LOL

Completed:

Settled is one of my favourites of all-time. If you read it you'll see the long ass comment I left on it lol. Description: A five plus one type of fic where Etho struggles to voice his feeling about double-life, and Joel is there to make it harder.

BIR Universe is a classic, a staple, even. One of the most iconic series of all time. Description: A very messy college universe with a bunch of hermitcraft/life series members.

Somehow, I always end up back in Marianas Trench is another personal favourite. I reread it way too often. The writing is incredible in this one + has a side of ranchers and impdubs. Description: AU where our three favourite soulbound couples go on a triple date! Except it's not a date, all of them broke up sometime before or during their last year of college and none of them are over each other.

Holy Father, judge my sins is so, so good. Anything by giddyfenix always is, I think I've read, like, all of their works. Description: Joel and Etho as the seven deadly sins. After all, what were they if not corrupted?

I Don't Smoke (Except for When I'm Missing You) made my heart break a million times over. I actually cannot read this fic without breaking down. It is a clockers-centered fic, exploring the Etho-Scar relationship, but I had to include it because it's just one of my favourite fics of all time. Description: A look into Etho's perspective on the life he and Scar share. They're not so different, you know? They both like to run away.

Works In Progress:

to all the ships at sea is another personal favourite, because the writing is just so, so good. There are currently six chapters out! Description: Etho has a job as part of the crew manning a lighthouse on a small island. With Cleo and Bdubs gone for a few weeks, Etho settles in to keep the Light running single-handedly. He wasn't expecting his life to be turned upside-down when a visitor turns up on the island, completely out of the blue...and he definitely wasn't expecting to develop feelings for the mysterious young man.

Good Luck, Babe is also very, very good. There are seven chapters out right now! Description: Etho couldn't get himself to turn Joel down. Even when Joel has made it clear time and time again that he had no problem doing the same to him. The lengths he was willing to go for a guy who would barely even let them be seen together in public...

hi, etho is super cute, too. I read it a while ago, and it's still one of my favourites, so do what you will with that. Description: About a month after going missing and having no memories to show for it, Etho gets a weird letter from a strange, anonymous sender who might have the answers to his questions.

And that's about it!! If anyone has more recommendations feel free to comment or leave in the tags because I'm always looking for more fics LOL <3

[lanafofana]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

thank you for the tag @vespaer77!! no pressure low stakes tags: @xxnashiraxx @roguishcat @spooky-lil-bee @sorceresssundries

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

Eleven! So many!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 46,400

3) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Instinct (Halsin/Tav NSFW) My first entry into HalsinTavWeek 2024! Aww can't believe it's nearly been a year! Scent Mark (Halsin/Tav NSFW) To be honest, they are all for the 2024 Halsin Tav Week lmao Afforded A Chance (Halsin/Tav NSFW) Something sweet. And smutty. Colossus (Halsin/Tav NSFW) Size kink + getting high. Need I say more? The Faithwarden and the Archdruid (Halsin/Tav NSFW) Misunderstanding that ends in yummy yummy smut.

4) What fandoms do you write for?

Ohhh boy let me see. Baldurs Gate 3, Palia, Dragon Age (Inquisition and Veilguard but I hope to write some for DAO and DA2), MCU, Lord of the Rings/Hobbit/Silmarillion, The Tawny Man Trilogy, I even wrote a couple for The Labyrinth lol.

5) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! That said I sometimes make a mental note to respond and then three months later I'm like...oops? And then it's been so long and I agonize over responding or not. Sometimes I do, sometimes I just send my mental appreciation and carry on. I do deeply appreciate each comment tho and often revisit them when my brain weasels are playing field hockey with my self esteem as a writer.

6) What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I haven't published any of them actually! I have quite a few in my drafts though. There's a version of an ending for Dream in Red (my Durge/Tav long fic) that's probably the saddest.

7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics end with a happy ending (😏) That said, The Faithwarden and the Archdruid, Cuckoo for Cuckhold, and Pumpkin Spiced Larceny all had endings that I really liked.

8) Do you get hate on fics?

No [aggressively knocks on wood] everyone who comments has been very sweet. Love the BG3 fandom.

9) Do you write smut?

10) Do you write crossovers?

Technically no but there has been a BG3/DA crossover concept of Shadowheart landing in Thedas that's been rotating in my brain rotisserie style for a while and still hasn't limped off in defeat so maybe this year! Who knows! Certainly not me!

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I doubt it. If I have I don't know about it.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so but that would be extremely cool.

13) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Yes many times! (Not recently though)

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Solavellan. Hands down.

15) What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Gods, can't I say all of them? It feels like all of them these days. The brain just doesn't want to brain. Published WIP-wise it has to be Gold Rush. Now that I'm back to playing Palia maybe inspiration will strike and I can get going on that again.

16) What are your writing strengths?

I've been complimented on my writing style, variations on "phrases you use/beautiful way of saying things" so I suppose that? I really don't know. Idk what I'm doing.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Getting distracted before I finish something and never going back to it? Impatience with editing and, thus, publishing before I probably should. Hasty. Hasty to write, hasty to publish. lol

18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

As a reader I love it. I think it's neat and helps immerse me in the world. As a writer I worry constantly if I'm doing it "right" (fiction language like elvhen) or grammatically correct (for real world languages I'm not fluent in).

19) First fandom you wrote for?

Lord of the Rings. Yeah buddy.

20) Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

As yet unfinished and unpublished favorites are: Dream in Red my Durge/Tav long fic or [Untitled Document] my Solavellan long fic. Favorite Published/Completed works would be: This funny little Tavphael Christmas fic Pumpkin Spiced Larceny (Gen, tadfoolery) Temptation (Tavphael NSFW) Midnight Snack (Gale x Tav NSFW)

So long and thanks for all the fish!

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

2023, it cannot be overstated, was a terrible year for me. We started out strong with an episode of True Love that turned out in fact to be entirely false and not reciprocated. (I've got over that, finally, but it was awkward... I posted about it a bit at the time, along with a lot of what I'm about to tell you.) Anyway, I also basically didn't eat for two weeks in January: only partially related to that. February was even more terrible, but with one bright spot: the terribleness pushed me to finally seek professional help for my longstanding anorexia. I was finally going to choose to recover and it would never bother me again.

Haha anyway I was also severely depressed and anxious so that happened. I had a good solid try at recovery and it seemed like it was going pretty well for a while, yay. Went back to uni after a year out, in the middle of the year. Ended up living with my brother 'just for the semester and after that you've got to find your own accommodation' (I'm still at his place). Anyway things got real bad and I honestly can't remember most of that patch, but I can still see the scars.

Anyway. You're probably wondering why I'm saying this stuff. In November, December, I can't remember precisely when, the Inklings Christmas challenge got posted.

Severely depressed, barely doing anything, only surviving and waiting for things to get better while doctors assessed me to figure out what was going on behind the major depressive disorder (spoiler: undiagnosed ASD), I said, well, why not. I still had remnants of my previous overachieving nature, so why not write something for all twelve days of Christmas, not just a single short story or scene? And I dug back in my memory for the fragments of a plot I worked out when I was twelve years old, remembered the characters, remembered that the main character was one I'd internally laughed about accidentally making autistic in the past.

So I went, what if I just pretend that the story I'd imagined was five years earlier, pretend that the novel I had never written was actually written, and write a slice-of-life sequel to it, featuring the same characters? I remember going to a session with my psych at the time and telling her about this story, but vaguely and quickly, because we were going to run out of time. I talked like I intended to and expected to finish it, but internally, I was going: I will not finish it. I've already proven that I cannot stick to things. (I have a lot of fragments of writing from that year which I will likely never finish, and which had no deeper structure than whatever occurred to my medication addled brain.)

And I went, what should I name this story? It's got to have the word Patience in there, because her name is Patience and it amuses me and amusement is running real freaking thin at the moment. I tried out several titles, none of which I can remember, and none of them suited. At last, because the word hope had been rotating within my brain for so long, I picked The Patience of Hope, and I drew graphics and titled all the chapters and did research to title them and I can't remember any of it anymore so I don't know why I gave them the titles I did.

I think I scheduled about chapter three before chapter one dropped on Christmas Day. I remember there being author's notes that at least hinted that I'd entirely pre-written it, because I'd intended to do so, when I wrote the author's note for the very first chapter. But most of them I wrote on the day they were supposed to drop.

I don't think anyone read it at the time; I certainly don't remember such a thing happening, though after it was completed people did read it, and do still. (It's still on my website, and also on my ao3 under the title mentioned above.) But I wrote it, this silly little thing that spawned a whole character and series of novellas I haven't finished yet. More than one character, actually; one of the main characters is Nathan, who didn't exist in my original concept at all. And another character mentioned is Hannah, her aunt, whose storyline is deeply personal to me.

I can't remember how long it is. The writing is at times very bad and the storyline vague and choppy. I had no true plans when I started writing that story: not even to finish it. It does qualify as a novella for length, but I forget where in that wide range it comes in. But I finished it.

That... meant the world to me, actually, in the state I was in. I finished it in January, and two weeks later I was being very seriously told by my doctor that if anything got any worse, in any way, I was to immediately present to emergency and request/demand admission. They didn't; I was prescribed medication that, this time, actually helped to manage the whole crisis thing going on, and I haven't been that close to an admission since (nor needed to be, not really).

So The Patience of Hope is very special to me, as you can see, because I completed it at a time I felt so strongly that I couldn't complete anything except - well, I don't suppose I have to elaborate. It's a fun, fluffy little story with underlying angst and stress and grief but above it all, it's cheerful. A romance begins, which surprised me, because I was literally just writing whatever came into my head, and apparently what came into my head was a character who hadn't been previously mentioned or thought of, asking Patience out on a date.

And the way Nathan accepts and understands and loves Patience for herself and not for what he hopes that she will be (if my phrasing seems odd, it's a Carpenters reference - "Love Me For What I Am") was healing to write. The entire story was written between when I started being assessed for ASD and when I was officially diagnosed, and I can really really see in Patience's words what I felt and still do sometimes feel - the hesitation and uncertainty and distrust of oneself. She was the first character I ever wrote who was stated to be autistic, though I'd written ones before deliberately making them autistic in my head, but they never said they were autistic on the page.

I don't remember the timeframe of the next bit, but there was a writing challenge to write a novel from start to finish in - six months, I think? It was a while. - and I saw it and went, oh, I could go back and write the novel about Patience that I first conceptualised.

Which I did, over the next few months. From start to finish, that draft is eighty-four thousand words in its current, unedited form, and I expect it to end up somewhere between eighty and ninety thousand - I always edit down on a sentence level, and up on a scene and chapter level, so it tends to balance out somewhat. Especially the earlier sections, it's pretty sparse before I hit my stride, and I also struggled to finish it in a way that felt satisfying to me, and I need to build up the community aspect more - and introduce her aunt Hannah more throughout.

What's the novel about, you may ask? And don't ask for the title, because I made a working title, and I haven't figured out a proper replacement yet. The novel is about Patience at a younger age, I forget what; early teens, I think, self-isolating and shy and scared and very very rigid. (It's a lot of fun comparing the Patience of this novel to the much more relaxed, but still characteristic Patience of The Patience of Hope five or seven years later. She's the same person, only grown up rather, and in a very positive way.)

In a mechanism I haven't yet worked out properly and will definitely be rewriting, she unexpectedly gains an adoptive sister, Rhona - named after a tea cosy in a pattern book I used when I was eleven or twelve to knit an atrocious and very wonky stuffed dog. Anyway, Rhona is a bit younger, a bit more extroverted, a bit prettier and a bit more new and exciting. And a bit disruptive to Patience's neatly ordered life.

Cue emotional explosions I'd compare to Holly and Lucy in Lockwood and Co., and say it was based on that, if I'd read that before I planned this book out. Rhona is doing her best to fit in to the family, but she's also showing up Patience's inability to fit in, so there's insecurity tying in to it.

Patience spends most of the book hating her with a passion of greater or lesser intensity despite everything Rhona tries to do to bridge the gap. And then, in a move unrepentantly stolen from Jean Webster's Dear Enemy, the house burns down. Oh, the horror! Oh, the shock! Oh, the fact that Patience was the only one within range of Rhona and had to drag her out! Oh, the hospital whump afterwards! *coughs* Forget I said that last one. Anyway Rhona gets off pretty lightly, while Patience... does not get off so lightly. She spends a while in hospital, but luckily, the combination of everything brings her and Rhona together finally, and they all live happily ever after.

Well, that's what the original plan said, anyway. Back when I was twelve and didn't know interpersonal dynamics.

While it's true that the house burning down and everything associated with that does help Patience and Rhona to get along better, that's not the end of the book. The house burns down at the turn between parts two and three, fifty-three thousand words in. Any mathematicians reading this will observe there are still thirty thousand words to go. There are nine chapters in each part.

The last three chapters total fifteen thousand words between them. My original plan calls for three thousand word chapters. Again, the mathematicians are going to observe that this doesn't add up. These chapters average out five thousand words each.

That's because I really wanted to mention one specific character earlier in the novel, who gets a passing and no longer timeline compliant mention in The Patience of Hope. Patience's aunt Hannah, who, yes, I named after myself, and who also struggles with anorexia nervosa.

Chapter twenty-five is titled, "A Will to Live". Originally intended to be about Patience's depression following her discharge from hospital after the house burned down, and then regaining her mental equilibrium, it became a bitter sarcasm that hurt every time I re-read the title while I was drafting it.

(I did cry quite a bit about this, including while actively writing. Sobbing and still writing the next sentence. I hope it comes across in the final work.)

Because Hannah does not win her battle. She is not a success story, or a happy ending, or a triumph. She dies alone in an apartment that hasn't been cleaned for weeks, fridge almost empty: two days before she's agreed to go into treatment. There are three big killers in anorexia: suicide, heart failure and malnutrition. And Hannah Shepherd dies of heart failure, leaving, as I heard in a video I strongly do not recommend, recently, "a bleeding, girl-shaped hole in her family".

It's traumatic and horrible and full of grief, but they manage somehow to go on. Patience is kept in the dark as to what's going on, at Hannah's request; she just knows that she died of some sickness. After all, she's at THE prime age to develop an eating disorder of her own, and even though you'd think someone dying would make you reconsider, unfortunately, eating disorders are mental illnesses and don't discriminate. (Besides, I wrote this story, and Karen Carpenter is a special interest of mine. Doesn't stop me relapsing.)

And then three chapters later (though, realistically, I'm going to rearrange the chapter balance to add at least one more here, since I struggled to fill a few of the chapters in terms of word count), the story's over, and everything is okay - just okay, not good, but with hope that it will be.

The first draft has been finished for - I don't know how long. Looking back to former posts makes it seem like I finished it on the last day of April last year, which would make it eight months and 21 days since I completed the draft. I think that's long enough to go back and redraft, don't you? I was working on continuing to draft Vaniah's story, but given that it's not singing to me right now, maybe I should jump in to editing this and see where I get to - I can always go back to Vaniah and Anneka instead, even though I've left them at a profoundly difficult spot. (While we're on the topic of dying from anorexia? Yeah. Except that is a story of recovery and hope.)

All that to say, you might hear more about Patience, and Rhona, and Jude, and Marcia, and Hannah, and Nathan, and everyone else that makes that story what it is, soon. I've been thinking a lot about it lately, and I really do think Patience's story needs to be refined, so that eventually I can show the world. If anyone wants, I can pull out excerpts too, if I'm brave enough. Please tell me your favourite aspect of this story, whether the novel or The Patience of Hope or whatever it may be. Ask me questions. I can ramble. Please.

[curioussubjects]

Feedback Fest 2024

Since everything I've read for the past 1.5 years has been pilots, all 10 of the fics here are Kara/Lee from Battlestar Galactica. I'm only listing one fic per author, so be sure to check individual author pages if you liked their style.

(go here over on @transformativeworks for more info!)

1. In the Whole World by pennyante (M, ~80K, WIP)

Summary:

The Cylons aren't quite human, and the humans haven't quite forgiven them. Political stability is less certain than ever now that the war is over: Lee Adama finds himself up for re-election, where being defeated will mean a Gemenese theocracy puppeteered by Leoben Conoy. Meanwhile, Kara Thrace has nothing but questions about her death and destiny. The only answers available come in the form of the vision of a temple, and from her hybrid/comatose husband's cryptic ramblings about a sister artifact to the Arrow of Apollo.

There's violence in the air. Civil war looms. Can Lee and Kara save each other, and keep the fledgling colony whole?

Thoughts: The best season 4 fix-it, lives in my head rent free, rewired my brain, etc. Also I've read it, like, 3 times (and I cried).

2. We're Not Friends by ninety6tears (M, ~25K)

Summary:

When two soldiers in the middle of a war can't seem to like each other, baptism by fire is apparently the natural solution. (AU in which Kara never knew Zak and first meets Lee after the fall of the colonies.)

Thoughts: I love a different first meeting AU, and this one takes pilots on a fun rivals to lovers spin that works surprisingly well. They're still very unwell about each other, though, make no mistake.

3. Artemis Rising by clairza (M, ~11K)

Summary:

The next morning Lee makes a few phone calls, and when everything has been organized and his credit card has been used for the first time in three months, and he’s had the pleasure of telling his mother that no, he has plans this week, he tracks Kara down in the quad. 

She's lying on her stomach poking sticks upright in the grass. He sits down beside her, and he can see the tension in her shoulders.

“So,” he says casually, and he’s very proud of the way his voice doesn’t shake at all. “I hear the Aegean Peninsula is nice this time of year.”

“It probably is.”

“I’ve booked a unit.”

“Where are you going with this, Lee?” Thoughts: I have a huge soft spot for fluffy academy pilots and this fic absolutely delivers. Happy baby pilots go to the beach five stars no notes.

4. An Arranged Meeting by lark_ral (E, ~11K)

Summary: Even outside of wartime, you might be surprised by the pressures our service men and women are under. The most effective among them either have, or need a release valve. Thoughts: Lee and Kara are scene partners for years, then the Cylons come. Somehow less messy than the show, but still delicious.

5. Rota by leda13 (E, ~2K)

Summary: The days are arbitrary, in space. Bereft of the guide of a planet's rotation around the sun, they live in slices of time, stealing as many as they can. Thoughts: Emotional support curtain fic of pilots sneaking around.

6. Sufficient to the Day by rachelindeed (T, ~1.5K)

Summary: At the sound of Lee’s voice, she feels her stomach twist and drop. Reluctantly, she opens her eyes and sees him come to a stop an arm’s length away, settling one elbow onto the corner of the bleacher behind her. His jacket is unbuttoned, his hair mussed, jaw ghosted with stubble, and the frakking sun is rising behind him. The look on his face is casual and fond, but he breathes as if he’s been running. Thoughts: Mandatory UB morning after fix-it...sort of. I really like this one because all I wanted was for Lee to get to Kara first. Or for him to call her bluff. This fic is both. It's not a showdown on main street like I enjoy joking about, but it's quiet and it's them (so it's better!).

7. Contrecoup by Fahye (T, ~2.2K)

Summary:

Contrecoup (n): A concussion or shock produced by a blow or other injury, in a part or region opposite to that at which the blow is received, often causing rupture or disorganisation of the parts affected. (One story told right-way-up, the other told upside-down, but both in the same narrative.)

We begin at a single point in time. The present goes forwards. The past goes backwards.

The story is AU-within-canon and set after episode 1x11, "Colonial Day."

Thoughts: I can't say too much because I don't want to spoil the fic. So: a bit angsty, a lot sweet, with a side of Kara's amazing problem-solving skills.

8. Lee's Emo Coffeehouse by haycorn (M, ~2.9K)

Summary: Lee has a bar, and sometimes Kara makes his life more interesting. Thoughts: I love cute modern AUs in general, and I love them even more when there's pining involved. There's not nearly enough of this type of fic for pilots, either! Many thanks to the author for their service. Would read 100K of this 'verse.

9. Breathing Room by callmeonetrack (M, ~12K)

Summary: Kara and Lee adjust to their new, very separate lives on the Pegasus. Badly.

Thoughts: My favorite Pegasus fic! Being on the Pegasus sucks, but then Lee and Kara find each other and things get better. Chef's kiss, peak pilots.

10. And I Feel Fine by hazellazer (M, ~2.4K)

Summary:

“That was… that… why?”

Her hands stay firmly on his face, thumb brushing over his cheek. “I was just thinking—”

Cutting her off, he smirks. “You think?”

She swats at his arm, hard enough that it might actually bruise. “I thought you were dead, Lee.” Her gaze is harsh on his, voice rasping, before something softens. “And I should’ve done this the second I knew you weren’t.” Thoughts: Season 1, but Lee and Kara are together. It's nice, refreshing, and plain good.

[saturn-saturniidae]

this idea has been rotating in my brain for weeks but i just now finished it. so here you go.

we all know how the winners all have a celestial body. grian is the sun, scott is the stars (i honestly think it would fit better with the rest of this if he was one specific star or even constellation but that's a post for another day), pearl is the moon, and martyn is neptune (i've seen people put him as mars but cmon guys. he's a mean gill. he's gotta be the planet named for the god of the sea). that's all well and good.

but what if we assigned stuff to the rest of the people in the top three?

second place are plants. they get the light from the sky, but haven't quite reached the heavens.

scar is a purple hyacinth. i chose these for a couple reasons; the first being the greek myth. in the myth, apollo kills his lover, hyacinthus, with a discus, and turned his blood into the flower. (there's a bit more to it than that, so i recommend reading up on it!). i chose purple both as a reference to the lilacs he gave grian, and because purple hyacinths mean seeking forgiveness.

ren is red ivy. ivy represents devotion and loyalty, which i think fits him really well. i chose red as both a reference to the red king, and a nod to the red mushrooms that grew around the fairy fort.

scott is a laurel tree. i was thinking about the myth of daphne, who turned into a laurel tree running away from apollo (damn, two apollo myths in one post?), who was trying to get with her. laurels are a symbol of victory, so they're also a reference to him being a winner.

impulse is a forget-me-not. forget-me-nots represent respect, and a promise to remember someone. they're also the color of the sky, which is a nod to skynet.

third place are rocks and stones. hidden below the earth, so close yet so far from the light of the sky.

bdubs is blue sandstone. it looks like the night sky, the way the face of the clock did. he betrayed impulse for scar, who lived in the sandlands.

martyn is amethyst. the purple color is the one most associated with the watchers, and this game is where all the watcher lore really starts. it's also used for spyglasses, which were the southlands symbol.

martyn is also rubellite. not much to say on this one, the color just reminds me of his bleeding heart.

scott is serpentine. it's commonly found in ocean ridges, and scott was of course a mean gill. it's also green, like seaweed, and scott was one of the last greens.

idk i just think that in a series so associated with the number three, we should give a bit more attention to the last three instead of the last one. (1st green, 2nd yellow, 3rd red would be such a cool idea for fanart! cmon guys!)

[rocksibblingsau]

i'm gonna be real honest right now, and this is gonna be long....your I'm Gonna Make This Place Your Home fic has had me in a choke hold since i found it like a week ago. it's so good and i love it and i've always loved the Rock Trolls (probably because thats the genre i've gravitated to the most since i was a kid) but i just adore the characterization, the exploration of Branch growing up in a different culture, exploring Branch's trauma. Barb being a big sister, Branch actually having a dad.

just i am in love with all of it.

i have so much i want to say but i don't know how to put it into words. it's also nice to see this one and another fic of Branch being raised as Rock called Burning Branches AU where Branch loses his memory and gets adopted by Thrash. like i don't mind the AU's i've seen of Branch being like half Rock or something but having Branch be in a sort of Cooper situation, adopted into another genre, just hits what i've wanted to see.

this fic has me chomping at the bit for more, and i can't wait for more.

and i will say this as well....Trolls has been a sort of guilty pleasure of mine since i saw the 1st movie on Netflix back in like 2017. it was something that looked like a fun time and an escape from college assignments and i liked it well enough. when, World Tour was briefly on Netflix in like 2021, or somewhere around that time, it was good and i loved the fact we got to see different genres of trolls.

but hooboy! when Band Together got added in like early August this year. i underestimated how much that movie would make me actually want to read trolls fic. and i gotta say i've got the trolls brain worms now and this fic has just been living in my head and rotating it like its in a microwave and studying it like a bug.

i am also the anon that said that So Called Life by Three Days Grace would be a song i could see Branch writing when he finally starts wring songs, and the anon that wanted Branch to where the shirt Val got him of Spider's band the 1st day of school to see his reaction in front of Val and Petra that this was the one who dethroned him at the arcade as a power move.

i also loved the idea of in ch 26 Branch thinking about what his life would have been like if his egg was found by Rock Trolls. i hope that is an idea either you or someone else will explore because now i really want to see that!

This means so much to me. Thank you, and thank you for reading my fic!

Branch being half Rock is a very interesting angle, but I really like the idea of Branch not being Rock but being Rock, if that makes sense. Identifying with their values despite not being a Rock Troll by blood.

Branch being adopted as an egg would be SUCH an interesting world to explore, I definitely have a few ideas about it if anyone wants to pick my brain about it.

[touloser-lautrec]

Get To Know Your Moots Writeblr Interview

Thanks for the tag, @mk-writes-stuff (here) and @ceph-the-ghost-writer (here)!

The question template by @davycoquette is here!

On the Tumblr Writing Community

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr? Uh... Hmm. Me and time measurement don't mix great. Haha maybe about a year ish?

What led you to create it? My partner/co-writer, @sunset-a-story pulled me in and I'm grateful they did! I'm always resistant to joining social media sites, but this one was well worth it.

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community? All the kindness and interaction. It's the one place on the internet I feel like I'm interacting with real humans and engaging with creativity anymore, rather than just shouting into the void. It's a great community.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you? I am an introvert with a deeply people-focused job, so sometimes I don't interact as much as I'd like to because of The Tired. But I love seeing your posts and reading your stories and thinking about your characters!

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash? I pretty much always want more stories and characters and art. There is plenty of it on my dash, but I am a glutton for blorbos and stories.

What tips/advice do you have for someone who made a Writeblr today? Don't be afraid to comment, reblog, send asks-- I was super nervous about that at first because on other sites it can be a minefield, but the writeblr community is wonderful!

WIP it Good

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately? Pretty much I'm working on Sunset all the time. It's the only WIP I'm actively writing/editing and I'm rotating it in my head for most of my days. But I do have a handful of OCs from other stories/'verses that live strictly in my brain. Lately, that's included an alien Mech pilot named Lux; a head-empty reincarnation of a trickster fae, named Axel; and a reluctant superhero who travels through people's dreams, named Piper.

How long have you been working on them? I've been working on Sunset with @sunset-a-story for about 17 years. The last several years (8, by their count) it's been more seriously dedicated writing. Axel has lived in my head for probably a decade, and Lux is less than a year in. Piper came into being a couple weeks ago.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started? Sunset started as a TTRPG that grew into a much larger story. It definitely had anime influences at the time and has evolved from there.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them? If I'm not focusing on work, then... all of it.

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say? I have a bad habit of downplaying it that I'm trying to break, so usually it starts as something like, "A silly genre serial," and then I try to course correct to something like, "It's a science-fantasy serial about people with powers, corrupt, problematic corporations, and espionage, with romance and horror elements and lots of intertwined storylines."

What do you want to say (if it’s different from what you do say)? I'd like to, without cringing, just be like "Listen, it sounds bananas but it's like the best dump cake you ever ate. It's so delicious. It has everything. It has super powers, it has deeply flawed and morally grey characters, it has horrible cannibal vampires and people who hunt them, it has cult-like corporations, it's queer and diverse as hell, there's romance and steamy scenes, and it has SPIES. It's hilarious sometimes and devastating others. It will hurt your feelings. You'll love it."

Let’s Rotate Blorbos

Name any characters you created. Listen, our cast is enormous enough that we have a Dramatis Personae. So Instead of listing them, here's a link to my art, which is 99.9% exclusively of our OCs.

Who’s the most unhinged? Sunset's cast falls into one of three categories: OCs I created, OCs @sunset-a-story created, and OCs we both created and the origin is murky at best. I'm gonna choose one that I created here-- Emmett. He pretty much an unhinged, driven, competitive hurricane.

Who comes the most naturally for you to write? Alex. Alex is my baby and is the closest to my heart. He was the first character in Sunset I created.

Do you ever cringe at them? Oh, all the time. They don't make good choices, but that's how you build a great story.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters? Only some. They mostly take off themselves. I just kind of get a seed of imagination germinating and see where it grows.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? YES. I love asks, reblogs, tags, comments... Being a writer/artist/creative online feels like shouting into an empty void most of the time, so when I get a comment or a reblog or an ask it's like the biggest battery charge for me. It's easy to get discouraged, so those moments are life savers sometimes.

On Writeblr Engagement

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account? If their WIP seems to vibe with me (especially science-fantasy, queer, romantic, dark stories), if they post a lot of their own work and reblog other original creators' work, if there's art involved too, or if they generally seem like someone I'd vibe with.

What makes you decide against following? Usually it's either because a blog is too dedicated to fandoms I don't know, or if it's all just reblogs of memes--then it depends on the vibe. But the biggest reason I don't follow is, unfortunately, that I get tired and can't focus enough to scope new people out. BUT I do keep tabs on new blogs in my activity notifications to come back to and check out when I've recouped some energy.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often? ...Maybe? TBH I forget sometimes who are moots and who I just follow. I interact with people that seem neat and friendly and I'm brave enough to try. Some of them are for sure moots. Some of them aren't. And then there are those who seem really cool and I need to build up confidence enough to interact with more than just liking and reblogging. Which is silly, because almost all of us say all the time that we love interaction from others, so...why do we let anxiety do this to us??

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle? YES. BLORBOS. I think about them regularly. It's the best.

I'll gently tag @revenantlore @littlemoondarling @scribe-of-stories and open tag!

[andreafmn]

Collision | Chapter 18

Word Count: 3.2K Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life is at its first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same. Chapter: 18/? Warnings: steamy scenes and foul language A/N: One day I'll manage both Twilight fics in a day, but today is not the day 😬😬 but hey, this is my longest story as of now, so hopefully if my creativity sparks I can consistently publish chapters like this story My content will always be free, but if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can leave a tip on any of my posts  or buy me a coffee to support me and my love of writing Follow 😊 -> TikTok • Instagram • BusinessIf you’d like to be tagged in this or any other story: click hereMake sure you have my notifications on so you know every time I post! Please check if you're tagged in the story, I've reached the limit of tags on Twilight again it seems. 😅

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“Paul,” (Y/N)’s voice broke him out of his trance. She had started to slip on one of Paul’s many forgotten T-shirts, stretching her limbs after their latest encounter.  “You’re staring.”

“Oh, sorry,” he chuckled softly. “I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s fine,” she smiled. “I sometimes forget they’re there.”

It had been five months since she had been hurt, four months since they had left, three since she had decided to dig herself out of the hole she had fallen into and put her life back on track. And she couldn’t look back –at least not without feeling her heart wrench inside her chest.

(Y/N) had made the decision to move forward in her life, to allow herself to release her past and unbind herself from the Cullens. She had allowed herself to be her first priority –even if meant that she had to release some people she thought the world of. But she had to push forward. Staying stuck in the mud was the last thing she wanted.

Instead, she had spent the past two months and a half investing her time between med school, her entanglement with Paul, the people at the rez, and her work at the hospital. And it had been just the shift (Y/N) had needed.

“I can’t believe I was the one that did this,” Paul whispered as he joined her side. His fingers traced the rough skin of her scars, an electric shiver running through his veins. A few months before, the three ragged lines that ran down her arm had not been there. And in a split second, he’d changed her for life. “I’m so sorry, (Y/N). I wish I could take that night back.”

“I don’t blame you, Paul,” she breathed. Shudders ran through her body as he kissed her shoulder, his warmth still something she had yet gotten used to. “I should have listened to my brother and step away.”

“But if I had been able to control myself I wouldn’t have scratched you,” he said, his hand running up and down her arm. “I should have been able to protect you. Protect you from myself.”

 “It was no one’s fault, Paul,” she sighed at his touch, a teasing smile spreading across her face after. “And I’ve heard scars make people hot.”

“You were already hot,” he grinned. “Scars just added to it.”

“Okay, cool it, Casanova,” she chuckled. “I can’t go for a round three. I’ve got studying to do.”

“You and I both know that studying for you is a formality,” he groaned. “You’ve been axing all your tests. You already passed Step 1, and in a couple of weeks you’ll be in your clinical rotations.”

“I still need to study, Paul. I’ve gotta make sure all the information is fresh in my brain,” she explained. “And, still, it’s almost time for your patrol shift. So, you don’t have time for anything else either.”

“The bloodsuckers are gone,” he said before kissing her neck. “What is there to patrol?”

“Probably the people of this reservation,” she breathed, trying her hardest to suppress the moan that wanted to escape. But it was as futile as denying him. “But, maybe we can go for one more round.”

Paul could simply laugh in response and take her lips on his. His hands snaked to the small of her back, pulling her body until his legs reached her bed. (Y/N) grinned at him as he buckled against the mattress and used his surprise to push him onto the bed. He forcefully sat down, spreading his legs to allow (Y/N) a space between them. But she seemed to have another idea.

The Uley girl closed his legs together before placing her knees at either side of his thighs, straddling his lap. She placed her hands on his cheeks before kissing him again, telling him she was just as hungry for him as he was for her. (Y/N) would have never admitted it out loud, but Paul knew his way around a woman’s body —not that she had mi b to compare it to. Still, she would never say it to him, afraid that he would think it would lead to something else.

Almost every week she would check in with Paul to make sure they were still on the same page regarding their relationship, or rather lack thereof. The last thing she wanted was to lead him on and she had told him so over and over again. But every single time he would tell her that he understood what they were and what they would never be. That he could separate his feelings from his urges, and that at some point she would have to believe him.

Even with her doubts, she pushed on. She couldn’t deny that she loved the convenience of having him just a couple of houses down and the fact that he was all for their… benefits. Things just seemed to be working out perfectly for her, and she continually overthought her way into thinking that the universe would mess everything up.

Still, instead of dwelling on what could happen in the future, she had started to enjoy things as they happened in the moment. And at that very instant, (Y/N) had started to deepen the kiss between her and Paul. Her hands ran through his short hair, gripping and pulling softly at the dark brown strands. At the same time and unconsciously, her lower half started grinding onto his lap, searching for that much-wanted friction.

Paul’s hand had made a home on her backside, cupping the soft skin that peeked out of her underwear and moving with her motions. Even if he loved being the one to lead in the bedroom, he couldn’t say that was the dynamic with (Y/N). She held all the power in her hands, there and in their personal life. And for the time being, he seemed to enjoy it. Mostly because it was (Y/N).

As the man’s hands finally decided to move and try to remove the shirt that dangled from (Y/N)’s neck, a knock resounded through the house. At first, they ignored it, continuing their exploration of each other’s bodies. But whoever was at the door did not relent, knocking once more and harder the second time.

“Just ignore them,” he groaned against her neck. “They’ll get the hint soon enough.”

“It’ll only take a second,” she chuckled, pushing him away from her body. “I’ll see who it is, okay? You can go eat something in the meantime.”

“Ugh, fine.”

(Y/N) lowered the shirt onto her body, the massive size drowning her inside, and slipped on a pair of sweatpants. In the meantime, Paul did the same, adjusting the ignored hard-on that would tent his pants. It made the girl laugh as she noted the discomfort on his face that was quite evidently laced with annoyance.

“Don’t worry, Paul. It’ll go down soon enough.”

“That’s not funny, (Y/N),” he grumbled. “I was promised something else.”

“I promised nothing,” she laughed, coming down the last steps of her staircase. “And you’ll be fine in a couple of minutes. It’s not like you haven’t gone months without sex.”

“You think you’re funny, huh?”

“Oh, I know I am,” she smiled. “Now go away.”

(Y/N) opened the door and was surprised by the person standing on the other side. The Forks sheriff was nervously pacing back and forth on her porch. She could see the darkened bags under his eyes and his hair was slightly disheveled. Instantly she knew why he was there.

“Sheriff Swan, what can I help you with?”

“Oh, hello, (Y/N),” Charlie breathed out. “How are you?”

“I’m good, thank you,” she offered him a smile. “How have you been?”

“Well, I’ll be honest, I’m feeling a bit defeated at the moment,” he sighed. “That’s actually the reason why I’m here. It’s Bella.”

“Is she okay?”

“Physically, sure. But ever since her boyfriend and his family moved away she’s been the living dead,”  the man explained. She could tell how tired he was, tired of being the only one that cared for her well-being —to care for the both of them. “I’m not one to gossip but I know you also went through something a few months back when the Cullens left. Yet, you were able to move on, and look at you now.”

“I can’t say it was easy, but I was lucky enough to have a lot of people rally behind me,” she chuckled slightly. “Still, I’m not sure how I could help you with her.”

“I was wondering if you could talk to her. Something tells me you’re the one who will understand what she’s going through the most and you’re honestly my last resort before I send her back to Florida with her mom.”

“Well then, thankfully I have a free day tomorrow and I can come over,” (Y/N) offered. “I’ll do what I can, Sheriff. I honestly didn’t know she was that bad.”

“I’ve tried my best to help her these past few months, but I don’t know what else to do.”

“No worries, Sheriff. We’ll get her out of this rut soon enough.”

“Thank you, (Y/N). I truly hope there’s something we can do,” he smiled weakly. “And, come on, what’s this sheriff business? You know you can call me Charlie.”

“Alright then, Charlie,” she chuckled. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow,” he offered her another smile, this time a slight hint of hope painting across his lips. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“Thank me once I’ve done something, Charlie,” (Y/N) said with a laugh. “But I promise to try my best.”

“Alright then, I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good rest of your day, (Y/N).”

“You too, Charlie.”

The girl waited until the cruiser disappeared down her road before she closed the door, a rush of guilt washing over her. She knew she hadn’t been alone in her heartbreak, that there was someone else that had tasted the Cullen drug and had been ripped away from the supply in the blink of an eye. (Y/N) had somehow forgotten that Bella had also had her heart ripped from her chest, and it seemed like she had been taking it harder than she ever had.

“What did the sheriff want?” Paul called from the kitchen, holding a plate with a sandwich.

“As if you couldn’t hear,” she chuckled. “Did you know it was that bad with Bella?”

“I’d heard whispers that she wasn’t doing good,” he shrugged. “But, honestly, my focus was on someone else. If I have to pick between one leech lover or another, I’m always picking you.”

“That’s not funny, Paul,” (Y/N) sighed, reprimanding her friend with her gaze. “It looks like she’s taking this really hard. Has Sam not gone over to check up on her? I mean, he is the one that found her that night.”

“(Y/N), we were more worried about you,” he responded sternly. “You took this hard as well. Need I remind you of your brief visit into alcoholism? Bella Swan has other people to worry about her. We needed you to be okay.”

(Y/N) remained quiet for a second. She knew if it hadn’t been for Paul and Sam, she would probably still be stuck in the overconsuming darkness of her loneliness. She had done things that she never thought she would do, she said things she never thought she would say, and she had felt the most gut-wrenching pain she had ever believed she would feel.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “I know I sent you guys through hell with how I was acting a few months back.”

“Hey, hey,” he called her attention, placing a hand under her chin before wiping away a few stray tears. Paul wrapped his arms around her, letting her head rest on his chest. “You were heartbroken, (Y/N). It’d be weird if you had been fine with it.”

“Still, you guys had to witness me at my absolute worst. You more than others. I wasn’t a good person during that time.”

“Sadness and loneliness make you do crazy things, (Y/N). None of us blames you for how you were acting during that time,” he told her. His voice rumbled through her chest and sent her calming vibrations. “We will always be by your side, no matter what. We love you and care about you. And we’re just glad you’re better now.”

“I’m glad I’m better now too,” she smiled against his chest. “And I wanna help Bella get better too. If the way she’s feeling is even an ounce of the way I felt, she shouldn’t go through this by herself.”

“Want me to drive you tomorrow?”

“No,” she sighed. “I think this is something I should do by myself. Bringing someone that is so against her ex might not be the best thing.”

“She doesn’t know what I am though. At least she shouldn’t know.”

“Because of the pact.”

“Yeah,” he responded. “We can’t say what the Cullens are and they can’t say what we are. So Bella shouldn’t know why I hate them so much. She probably thinks I’m just like every other person of the rez that dislikes the Cullen because of our ancestors.”

“Still, I think I should go by myself for now,” she smiled up at him. “The last thing she needs is to meet someone new.”

“Fine,” he smiled back before it morphed into the Cheshire Cat grin. “What’re you doing the rest of the afternoon then?”

“I still need to study, and Emily invited me over for dinner tonight.”

“What you’re saying is that you have like an hour to spare?”

“I don’t think that’s what I said, Paul,” she chuckled. “But I guess I do have some time to spare —more like thirty minutes though.”

“More than enough,” he smirked.

He placed his hands under her thighs, prompting her to jump onto his waist and wrap her legs around him. She kissed his lips softly, running her hands through his hair. (Y/N) held on tight as Paul moved them back upstairs and to her bedroom. 

Once back inside the now white walls of her room, he lay her softly onto her bed, his lips never leaving hers. He kissed her hungrily, not wanting to waste a single moment he was with her. He kissed her cheek, he kissed her temple, he kissed her chin, and he kissed her neck. It was one of his favorite things. To taste every inch of her skin for as long as she allowed him to.

“What are you doing for Valentine's?” Paul asked abruptly, the question coming out of nowhere. “There’s gonna be a bonfire that night. It’s mostly for couples but we can go as friends.”

“Great timing for that question, Paul,” she panted. “And I don’t know. That’s over a month from now. The only thing I’m sure of is that I’m gonna be studying.”

“So do you wanna go if you’re free?”

(Y/N) wasn’t sure. Thanksgiving had passed, so had Christmas and New Year. She had gone through three big holidays that she had pictured spending with him, and there were still so many more that she would have to experience with other people when she only wanted to spend it with him. As much as she had chosen to move on and try her hardest to forget him, it still hurt.

Every day that passed hurt. Every second that passed hurt. It didn’t matter how much time had passed, her heart still wanted him and only him. But it was something she could not admit. Not to her mother, to her brother, much less to Paul. She said she was okay, she looked like she was okay, and she needed herself to be okay.

“I don’t wanna make a compromise like that when I don’t know what my schedule is gonna look like,” she sighed. “But ask me again on the seventh and I’ll let you know.”

“Fine,” he groaned jokingly.

“Now, can we talk about comparing schedules later and go back to kissing?”

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” he smirked before going back to attack her lips.

As they were getting back into the game of bodies, ripping away their clothes and reveling in the other’s body, a shout from outside interrupted them. At first, they chose to ignore it, thinking it was teenagers having fun in the street. But the clear mention of Paul’s name startled them apart. It was a voice that was usually very quiet and had just recently joined the pack.

“Yo, Paul!” Embry Call yelled from (Y/N)’s backyard. “We’re supposed to be on patrol right now!”

“Gods, what fucking timing!” Paul groaned. “I hate how eager he is to follow the rules. Like, does he not know there’s no active threat right now?”

“He’s just trying to make sense of all of this the best way he knows how,” (Y/N) explained. “He’s keeping his head down and doing what he’s told. Just being able to shift is a big shock, but finding out that your father is someone from the reservation is world-shattering. The poor kid is also getting smoke at home from his mom, and he can’t ask questions because he would have no proof of where he got them.”

“You’re actually making me feel bad for him.”

“You should. Right now, he’s not only lost his friends but he’s had his whole life turned upside down. What he needs more than anything is someone to guide him and be by his side.” 

“Don’t look at me,” Paul scoffed. “That’s the alpha’s job.”

“I’m just asking that you don’t make his life harder than it already is,” she smiled at him. “He needs a friend, not someone to kick him when he’s already down.”

“Fine,” he conceded. “That kid is lucky you’re on his side.”

“Shut up and get dressed,” she laughed. “Don’t leave Embry waiting.”

Paul grumbled under his breath as he slipped on every piece of clothing he needed to get dressed in. As he complained and groaned, (Y/N) moved to the window, wanting to give Embry at least a heads up that Paul would take his time with going downstairs.

“Hey, Embry,” she called out. “Paul will be down in a sec, he’s too busy complaining at the moment.”

“Oh, hi, (Y/N),” he said as he blushed. “That’s okay. Sorry I showed up like this. Jared said that if Paul wasn’t at Sam’s that he was most likely here.”

“He is correct about that.”

“And don’t worry, I’ve been practicing suppressing my thoughts so that Sam doesn’t find out.”

“No worries, Embry,” she chuckled. “I know that Sam will eventually find out. So, it’s fine.”

“Oh, but still. It’s good practice.”

“I’m leaving now,” Paul interrupted, a definite scowl on his face. “As much as I don’t want to.”

“Well, I was saved by the bell,” she grinned teasingly. “Now I have more time to study. So, you can go.”

“Ugh, twist my arm why don’t you.”

“Go, Paul,” she chuckled.

“Fine,” he said before kissing her lips softly. “But I’ll see you later for dinner, right?” 

“Yes, Paul. You’ll see me later.”

Next ->

Taglist: @winter-soldier-101 @zheezs14 @a-sifu-hotman @byelannie @gypsymusiclover @sunflowerleii @dyslexiccatterpillar @blackbluerose666 @slutforsainz @kortniec696 @xcastawayherosx @minhaimaginacao @bluebirbnamedjay @sirenheadenby @andreiaafaria @princesshearts18 @bluetreecloud20 @sunshine2894 @senjuhotaru @valejewel

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...continued in comment section

[lucabyte]

what would your ocs be as pokemon? or if you've already done that what would they be as bugsnax??

Oh I have never been asked this publicly before (for I have not been asked... anything publicly before this week LOL) but I don't know if you're prepared for how much I have thought about my ocs as pokemon or how much effort I am currently putting in to... Well. You'll see.

So. I have Thoughts.

Here are my thoughts (names quickly added for this to be understandable by anyone but me. But I've had this image made for quite some time)

(I love that regular wingull appears on here twice. It was kind of the only choice for both of them LOL.)

(also I like how this shows you who my brain considers In A Group with each other... hee hee)

So this is like.. The whole cast of MYMK lmao. Even down to background characters. These are like... PMD style pokemon assignments. I tried to balance "literally looks like them" with "has the right vibes, thematically". So you can see a couple thematic pairs of pokemon like the cherrims, meowstics and such. Then other fun picks like Charizard for Hainu, since he's a, well, hypebeast more than he is a person. Then, Markus and MacGuffin get Silvally and Type: Null for (wink) reasons.... And Miao is Marowak because don't even worry about it. Lupus is Lycanroc-Dusk because funny doggy shounen protagonist :)

Also there are ABSOLUTELY pokemon that fit Tabitha better than Persian does but I've been saying hes one of those since 2015 and I'm attatched to it now.....

The reason I went ahead and planned these out and finalised these recently though.... Is because I also assigned them all ideal ribbons/marks/pokeballs and am going to hunt them all! Right now I'm prioritising getting ones where the ribbons/balls necessitate getting them from gens 4-7, but they're all nearly done and are sitting in ultramoon while I grab the royal master ribbon for a few!

(Obviously I've named pokemon after OCs before but these will be The Definitive Guys... Until next gen inevitably introduces the perfect guy for someone lol. C'est la vie!)

I've got a couple more already in swsh and scvi (recently I caught Lazulite in swsh! Go Raid RNG!) but this is the big first step. As for how many other steps there are....

Don't.

Don't even worry about it.

Anyway! Most of the main characters have fully assigned "if they were a pokemon trainer" Rosters too with some lore. (Chrome does contests, All of Tabitha's pokemon have been gifted to him, Lupus has insane shiny luck, Ali Will Summon Giratina....)

Also! The Alighieri triplets map perfectly onto the shiny meowths! They were the first three I went out of my way to hunt back when I saw shiny G-Meowth and realised!!! Pink Yellow Blue!!! My little guys!!

And lastly the thing you almost certainly weren't asking was "what would your OCs look like if they were fakemon, but I also have that for, you guessed it, Chrome, Tabitha and Ali.

Now... As for bugsnax. I have not played bugsnax but I DO have a resident bugsnax fan... So I asked him out of curiosity and they Extremely Delivered. So, Courtesy of @thebrightesteyes....

(me, going on the wiki for the first time: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE 112 BUGSNAX I THOUGHT THERE WERE LIKE. 20)

these things are cute i should play this game. i hear there's divorce.

Anyway I've been trying to rotate a PMD AU in my brain for some time now (purrgatorio lends itself well to it, obviously...) I wonder what I'd make the antagonist...

Also, of note. Ali (and their siblings) does actually have a canon favourite pokemon and opinion on pokemon because they're from a real-world setting. Thing is they are like, not a gamer. So...

Ali likes Dusknoir and Seviper because they saw them on trading cards as a kid and likes Hoopa Unbound because Ari showed them on pokemon go knowing they'd like the design. If they gamed though they'd LOVE Giratina but Hoopa would probably stay top spot.

Ari likes Raichu, Lurantis and Toucannon. (Gamer)

Avi likes Clefairy, Meloetta and Brionne. (The kind of person to seek out fanart and gifsets online to reblog)

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

once again, its been one hell of a wednesday

time to unwind with a weekly tag game!

thanks for tagging me @lingy910y @juliakayyy @energievie and @jrooc

name: gigi

age: 24

star sign: full time virgo

first language: english

second language: lol i wish, my girlfriend has been trying to teach me korean the whole time we've been together and cant comprehend that my brain is just simply not wired to learn language

favorite lip product: aquaphor 🥰 and the nars laguna lipstick it was literally made for pale autumns

the best food dish you can make without a recipe? honestly most things, even when its new i like to skim and freestyle, most often i make eggs in hell and various soups, stews and stocks

if you drink tea, what kind? the only tea i drink is bottled cold green tea, and ginger in hot water when im sick

if you drink coffee, what roast do you usually get? light roast <3

favorite thing to watch on youtube right now: music videos! also watching a lot of book binding tutorials and general quiet crafting videos

favorite thing to watch on youtube in 2012: the dame herself ms. jenna marbles and honestly up until she left it would be the same answer

favorite item of clothing right now: i have a few very very cozy sweaters that have been in rotation over the last few weeks, but i am very excited to get back to soft loose blouses and pants

favorite item of clothing in 2012: a very cool 70's jean jacket that i still own and wear!

fandom

three movies you recommend: Chungking Express, jennifers body, in bruges

your favorite concert: tyler childers at radio city music hall, the queen of dancehall herself sister nancy and tune yards

have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? not a single opinion, we can agree to disagree on things but i have unfollowed people for consistantly being really negative about everyone other than their favorite characters and just overall being a bummer

have you ever left a fandom because of the fans? Nope! every fandom I've been apart of has had really lovely people, but by far shameless is the nicest which feels a little ironic

the best tv show you watched last year: Beef by far, I don't think Ive ever resonated with a piece of media with such raw emotion (also the bear and succession but yall already knew that)

do you have a fancasting you just can’t let go of? Im not really apart of the harry potter fandom at all but sometimes marauder fancasts come on my fyp and theyre all really fun

a ship you’ve abandoned: destiel a little, i still love them that brain rot (damage) cant be undone but i rewatched supernatural last year and like, Dean is so genuinely unkind to him most of the time (/nuanced)

on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to share your ao3 history? i mean, with who?

do you have a fandom tattoo? no tattoos

what fandom do you wish was bigger? none come to mind

has a finale ever ruined a show for you? no honestly im pretty okay with all of them, but i never watched any of the big ones that people hate

have you…

swam in an ocean? yes! I was a jr lifeguard, swimmer and water polo player in highschool, i am the safest person to visit the beach with

been vegan/vegetarian? I was vegan for three years but when i moved back home during covid i couldnt really keep it up while eating dinner with my family every night and now im very plant based but not vegan or veg

gone skinny dipping? many times lol

gone skiing? yes but i prefer snowboarding

been to a convention? only work related design conventions

tagging from my notes: @mickeysgaymom @rainbowbri @anonymous-galager @gallawitchxx @iansw0rld @mybrainismelted