#I've been polyam for a long time!

[beepbeepmfkr]

Allos who are in relationships with aros/aroaces y'all realize it's your responsibility to whether the fact that we don't do relationships like y'all, right?

If your friend who you want to be more than friends with tells you who/what they are and you still pursue them that's your fault dude. And it's your responsibility to manage whatever emotions that dredges up.

Don't force your way into the life of an aromantic just to throw tantrums every time you're not treated like the most important specialist person in their life

[iwrite-sinsandtragedies]

Day 1 — Soulmates ₊˚✧ ﾟ

Submission for @goldengroovy's @olnfweek2024

MC: Micha

Long ass ramble under the cut 😂

Okayokayokay SO-

I love soulmate au's. I cannot tell you how many fics I've read or how many prompts I've played with or media I've consumed or how many bullshit ideas I've come up with in my own head for them, I CANNOT.

It's just - hhhhhhhhhhhh- Soulmate au's and Time Travel au's are just the shit that gets me out of bed some days 😩💖my world weary soul drinks that shit like medicine, okay?

That all being said, it's probably a little ambiguous which au I picked to some, so let me explain: There are two au's I'm mashing up here really, both are from fics I've read back in the day. One being a Clack fic and the other a Thilbo one 🤷‍♂️kind of calling myself out here but w/e, they were good fics.

The Thilbo one is easier to explain - the concept is "Heartsong" which is, literally what it says on the tin. You find out who your soulmate is the first time you hear them sing (and no, that does not mean everyone is just a naturally good singer - they can be ass at music but, the point is, when you hear them their song is the perfect song for you and your heart knows that). There's a lot of little nuances to this one - things like you hearing your heartsong when you dream so you always know the moment you find them. Also people who have quiet dreams because their heartsong died, sometimes before ever even meeting them. etc etc. The heartsong also seems to expand, in some respect, to instruments (as Thorin plays his harp one night and Bilbo starts to hum without thinking about it because it sounds wonderful to him and that's how Thorin finds out).

Overall, it's a very soft and sweet concept to me and as someone who has a deep love of music, it's also one of my very favourites.

The Clack one is a little less easy to explain? I think. Maybe because it's nuances are so round about but I'll do my best. The concept for this one is "I Only See Colour When I'm With You" - anyone who knows how Clack fics usually go knows where this is probably headed 😂 and I am sorry to have hurt you but, overall, the idea is: You live in a noir-esqu world where everything is black and white. This only changes when you find your soulmate, of course, who brings the world into full saturation and lets you see colour for - possibly - the first time in your life (I say possibly because I genuinely can't remember if you start out colourblind or if it's an age cap thing).

Unfortunately, for as much as I adore this concept, it's been a long damn time since I read the fic and I don't even know if it still exists somewhere. So I can't actually recall if it was a 'you have to touch them' or 'you have to hear them' thing but the fic takes place with Zack on the cliff right before Midgar where he holds Cloud and looks at the sky - so I'm willing to bet it's a touch thing.

I also really loved this fic because it was the first one I'd read that brought in the concept of multiple soulmates to me - As Cloud later sits with Aerith and sees the colour he couldn't see with Zack, meanwhile Aerith only sees black and white, because she was only able to see colour with Zack (who was never able to see colour with her, because he needed Cloud for that).

Essentially, they all needed each other to see the world in colour. As a polyam person who didn't quite realise I was poly back then, it was a very comforting (and now dearly cherished) fic.

Anyways! Now that you have the background on the two concepts, you can kind of get what I'm going for with this piece.

Tamarack, Micha and Qiu are all soulmates in a fuzzy, desaturated world (I'm sorry, I'm not cruel enough to but them in complete greyscale LOL) and the way you find your soulmate is by hearing them sing and, when they do, your world is suddenly vivid and bright and beautiful. Suddenly, you can see things as they were meant to be seen and it's a permanent change (unlike the Clack fic) but things are always clearest and brightest when your soulmate speaks or sings 💖

I get a real kick out of the idea that Micha's known for fucking months that Tamarack is his soulmate (if not years) because he's always listening to her play but never says jack shit about it because he's emotionally constipated that way 😂Though genuinely, it's probably because he just doesn't think he's her soulmate and he's a bit against finding out he's right honestly.

Joke is on him, he's Qiu's and Tamaracks soulmate! And he couldn't have picked a better moment to grow a pair an take the risk 🥰

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole if I told my partner want to be their wife but not their bride?

INFO: I'm not even dating anyone yet.

I'm a queer adult (37F) dating for the first time. I'm an only child with one living blood relation I still speak to (my mom; she's great. everyone else is bigoted), and I've been clinically, life-ruiningly shy for my entire life.

I have twelve people that I could invite to a wedding, including the 3 plus ones. Of those, maybe 8 would make an effort to attend, and maybe 6 of them would have the means to travel to my city.

The thought of doing the whole wedding song and dance makes me feel nothing but pathetically alone. It makes me want to crawl in a hole.

And that's before we get into how much I hate parties, crowds, dancing, weird lighting, weird auditory ambiance.

Greeting the usual dozens of guests on my partner's list (and my single digit single table) with a customer service smile has me on the edge of an anxiety attack just writing it down.

When I think of weddings all I can see is how little I matter and how unimportant I am. How rarely I'm thought of or remembered. I've been invited to five weddings in my life. I've attended three. For two I was an afterthought invitation and for one I had to ask whether I made the list at all because I needed to start saving money to attend.

I'm not even dating anyone right now, and my dating pool is already so small. (Wants me, wants a long-term serious relationship, wants kids, but is ideally queer and polyam or polycurious, doesn't smoke or use weed or other drugs, nonreligious, politically liberal.)

But weddings are such a Big Fucking Deal, for so many people; if I throw this on too I think I might just reduce my options to 0.

Is it ever ok to ask someone to give up having a wedding for me? Because I can't do it.

I can't, I know what happens if I try, and it's me freezing up in the bridal suite and not being able to come out until everyone has left. Not in a "lol the nerves" way. In an "I am about to be killed and eaten alive by a bear but if I dissociate then having my organs torn from my body will hurt less until the shock kicks in and I die" way.

Except without the relief of being dead at the end.

And with the social consequences of ruining my hypothetical spouse's wedding for them and for their family and their friends and embarrassing them in front of their obligation guests.

And if it even is an ok thing to need, is there ever an ok time and place and way to drop the bombshell?

INFO: Repeat, I am not dating anyone at this time

What are these acronyms?

[rubykgrant]

I finally figured out the new version for the design of my musical super hero! She's part of the group of hero and villain kids I've been playing around with for about 16 years (dang). I started the story with my best friend, and the characters have all gone through a LOT of changes, but because I've had them so long, I sort of know how to keep the core of who I wanted them to be~

(also, thanks to some of my friends for giving me some suggestions on her look in the past! @v-voeux and @bonkalore I appreciate it~)

As a regular kid, Min is 14 years old, a new student at school. She's a social butterfly, who is also very smart and creative (her main talents are music and fashion, but she also takes gymnastics and ballet). She's studied a lot of classical instruments, but she also has a passion for modern styles of music, so her personal taste is very broad. Min participates in a lot of talent shows. chorus groups, and plays. She makes her own fashion designs, for herself and people she knows well. Her signature outfit has a little bit of an 80s-vibe; loos short-sleeve shirt tied at the side (with a rainbow of sunset colors), over a seafoam colored jumper dress, dusty-blue leggings, and pink shoes (her favorite colors are pink and different shades of blue/turquoise). Her hair is black (with a rosie-brown shine), cut in a bouncy-bob, with two little pink hairclips. She has a pink bracelet on one wrist, and a pale-pink scrunchie on the other. Min is chubby, but also very athletic.

Her fun personality makes it easy for people to be drawn to her, but she's very aware of how fickle and fleeting popularity is when people become demanding... and then get upset when you aren't what they want you to be. Although she's sweet with a pretty face, Min is perfectly comfortable confronting people who try to boss her around, and isn't afraid of rejection (this also goes for teachers; she's a straight-A student, but pushes back when adults try to put pressure on her to succeed). At first glance, she's a bubbly and cute, and while that isn't UNtrue, Min is also subtly tenacious, capable of deep thoughts and emotional insight, and very self-assured. She truly values real friendship, and loves making the people she cares about happy with fun activities. She's also very good at being motivational and encouraging.

Her mother is Chinese, and her father is Japanese, both working with animals (for years, they've been doing wildlife studies and rehabilitation, meaning they've moved around often, visiting different places. recently, they've started working with a zoo and an emergency animal care facility). Her aunt (father's sister) is recently divorced and living with them, with her two sons (Min herself is an only child, but gets along well with her cousins). She can be flirty at times, but isn't interested in anything serious yet. She casually dates, but because she's always nice, nobody feels too upset when she kindly lets people down/ends a relationship (when she gets a little older, she figures out she's polyam, ace, and attracted to any gender identity; she uses the pan flag because she likes the color combo~).

When she begins to develop super powers, Min discovers she can literally create "musical energy"; turning sounds into something with a shape. She can do anything from snapping her fingers to send out a chock-wave, or creating vibrations in the air that take the form of a musical instrument (interacting with it, and using it for attacks or defense). Things around her that involve music/sound can also be influenced by her (such as radios, or loud bells in towers). She can manipulate sound to isolate a specific noise, use echolocation, imitate another person's voice voice, and translate any language she hears. Because music can have an emotional response, she also has powers that follow "musical rules"... that is, breaking into song, and having her friends join in, literally has an effect on reality (she often provides mood music when the hero group needs some motivation while fighting various bad guys).

She has an affinity for butterflies, so she creates little wings made of the pink musical energy, letting her fly like a fairy (they aren't connected to her, instead floating behind her back, and disappear when she isn't flying). Min designs her own outfit, as well as the ones the other hero kids wear. Hers is similar to a marching band uniform, a dark pink vest and shorts that are cuffed. Part of the vest is a pale-gray, with lines styled to look like a violin. Her leggings are also pale-gray, with two different patterns (one leg has vertical stripes that look like piano keys, the other leg has thin horizontal stripes that look like sheet music). She has dark pink boots with little butterfly designs on the toes/heels. Her shoulders have short butterfly sleeves, and the vest also has a pattern of musical notes with butterfly wings at the edge, Min's super her symbol. She has the same shape made out of the musical energy as a headphone/mic. Her mask is shaped like a butterfly as well. Min's hair is more curled, and pulled up in a side-ways ponytail, with one final butterfly clip.

In the past, I've had Min's hero design look like a simple "super hero swimsuit" with pink butterfly sleeves, and I've also had versions with a skirt so she has more of a classic magical girl look... but I wanted to really try for something more unique, make the music theme very clear, include her butterfly designs, and also make it a little more sporty~

[polyamorousmood]

How do you deal with insecurity in a polyam relationship?

I've been in a poly V before, with my girlfriend at the time, and her other partner; but I honestly wasn't really invested in the relationship so I wasn't bothered.

I feel like,, if I have a partner and we either a) accept another and form a triad or b) I end up with a metamour again, I would end up worrying that my parner(s) would leave me to simply be together.

(For context, I have AvPD so like... abandonment is a complex of mine and I'm working on it but I'm still so insecure a lot of the time.)

So.. yeah. I've seen you address jealousy/envy, and I know I'd probably deal with a bit of that (in the sense that 'oh, b gets to spend time with c while I'm at work, I'm envious' kind of way) but I know that insecurity would be the thing that would bother me the most

Polysecure by Jessica Fern is generally considered a holy text 🛐of polyamory and this exact question in particular. I haven't read it personally (yet. Its on my list my list is just long 😅) So if you haven't given that a go yet, everyone I know who has read it, has recommended at least sections of it. I know it talks about attachment styles and how to handle those, which might be helpful if you have avoidant personality disorder.

The other thing, of course, is consider bringing this up with a therapist, because I am not one. And this seems like a touchy enough topic that everything I say here is pulled from my experience and should be taken as "ideas to think about🤔" and not "clinical advise that will Fix It🪄" As per usual, LOTS to go over here. So. read more.

P.S. after typing up everything, I realized this post I wrote to help a supportive partner address insecurity might also be helpful for you, and even has a worksheet! Its probably better formatted too. So.. maybe I wasted my typing here 😓. C'est la vie.

Firstly, you never said you identify as polyamorous. So if you're not... you could just date monogamously 🤷 as much as I love 💟polyamory and would like it if the whole world loved it too, if that's gonna be too big a thing for you, there's no reason you have to bother at all.

If you are going to date polyamorously for whatever reason, BEFORE you introduce another person to the mix, have a regular, set time you and your partner spend apart. It sounds counter-intuitive, but maintaining your own social life and identity outside your partner is huge. Do this especially when you're super invested and want to spend every second with your partner. That's honestly true whether you're poly or not, but in this specific case. I think a lot of the fear is bolstered by the idea that without you there, your partner is just spending that time loving the other person. And maybe they'd like to do that more blah blah blah. But this proves that's not the case: when you're not there, you partner is getting drinks with the girls, or building model ships, or any other numerous things they like independent of you. And it also means you're not just pining over your partner when you're gone, you have other shit to do too. And you'll come to look forward to your two hours a week at the coffee shop (or whatever). You will learn reasonable time apart does not equal less romantic interest.

And then, on the flip side of that, set regular protected time with your partner. Not to say never ever will something come up that interrupts that. Emergencies arise🚨, or the time may have to be renegotiated later, etc etc. But having the confidence that no matter what, you'll have a movie date every week, or that Tuesday night is Romance Night, or whatever you decide on, can make it easier. It can help prevent you feeling taken for granted, and can naturally curb NRE with other people if that starts getting unruly. If your partner starts wanting to cut into this time for not-important-shit, tell them you're not okay with that, or -- and only if truly it feels okay to you -- at least get them to make the time up the next day. And you, of course, need to treat it as special too. Make the time important, fulfilling, and intimate. It can be any activity, as long as its bonding time -- quality time, in the truest sense of the word.

Take time to get to know yourself, and share it with your partner. What do you consider to be sacred between you and your partner? Are you okay with your meta and your partner having sacred things -- what type of things? Do you feel better knowing the details of your partner's other relationships, or will that make you more jealous? (I like knowing more, because the thought of my partner having this secret life without me makes me more insecure, but other people are very reasonably of the opinion that hearing that their partner had so much fun without them is a bummer.) How much about you are you okay with your partner dilvulging to your meta(s)? Go through this on as many things as you can think of. Now, what you're comfortable with is not the only factor here; you and your partner will probably both have to make some concessions to reach something workable, but I've found that process, with a good partner, to be more securing in and of itself. You both are working together towards a common understanding. Its generally good practice to avoid hard-and-fast rules here, when possible. For example, "I'm only okay with you dating others if you're home by 11🕚 every night" makes some sense, but if taken literally means if your partner gets a flat on the way home, or has to deal with your meta's mental breakdown, or even just wants to see a movie that won't finish until 11:05 -- that's a betrayal. Perhaps even just asking for a one-time allowance is a betrayal. Instead, work for understandings or guidelines. Maybe the similar understanding in this example is "its hard for me to sleep alone, so I'd like you to generally be home by 11:00, and notify me as soon as possible if that's not going to happen" and then when they bring up wanting to stay out late one night for something, you can ask if its possible for them to do it on a night you don't have to work in the morning (maybe they can, maybe they can't, the point here is that its a dialogue, see below). There will be some trial and error here, so be prepared for that and stick it out.

Don't take every problem as a sign things are doomed, or your partner is divesting, or your partner isn't worth your investment. There will be times when someone is actually abusive, or there will be irreconcilable differences. I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about "My partner is late for the second time this week, they're pulling away from me, this is the beginning of the end"-type shit. No it ain't. A good exercise for this is to explicitly outline your worst-case scenario💣, followed by a best case-scenario🌈, and then a few most likely cases⬜. So from our example above, worst case is that they're pulling away (so you have to pull away faster so you "win" and avoid pain), best case-scenario is that they're late because they're buying you a gift on their way home, and most likely scenario is that traffic's worse than they planned or they ran into someone at the gas station and stopped to talk for a bit or whatever.

Figure out how to self-soothe. Make a stache of nice things your partner has done for you that you can check on your own to remind yourself you're important to them. Reframe some of your jealous worries. Remind yourself of things you're looking forward to with your partner. Make a vent journal. Whatever clicks to you.

And as always, 🗣️talk to your partner. Productively talk to your partner.🗣️ Talk to your partner as much as possible about how things make you feel, and make sure they're doing the same. I talk more about how to talk through problems here, and its worth the read imho (even though its equally long). But for now, know that forming this habit on its own is functionally indistinguishable from being securely attached. As long as the communication is you and your partner vs the problem (and not, for example, your insecurity vs your partner's willingness to compromise), this will be good for the relationship, and you will feel better for doing it. But to form that habit, you have to do it with everything, not just Big Problems. You have to tell your partner sincerely how much you appreciate stuff they're getting right, you have to tell them about small problems that you can handle on your own, you have to tell them about things you're not sure how you feel about yet.

[bisexual-horror-fan]

Um. Um. For Multi-May, I've been thinking about reader and Tiffany Ray-Valentine absolutely blowing Ethan Landry's mind one night, leaving him dazed and obsessed and a little bit in love? and he starts following them around like a puppy dog because he's definitely got those puppy dog eyes. He would definitely try to impress them as Ghostface, like, so hard. I can just hear Killer Queen by Queen playing in Ethan's mind whenever he sees them.

SO! I know this is late, but hey shit got nuts, and I am saying Multi-May is lasting as long as I want this summer. I had started this a bit ago, but the past couple days had me thinking it was time to brush the dust off and finish it up, slap a big bow on it and remind you all what I can do. Such an interesting polyam ship! I love the idea of this and I hope it was worth the wait and you enjoy it too!

---

Rating. Explicit. Length. 1.8K. Poly! Tiffany Ray Valentine X Ethan Landry X FEM! AFAB! Reader. She/Her Pronouns. Warnings: Age-Gap Relationship. Alcohol Consumption. Threesome. Blow Job. Cunnilingus. Face Riding. Reverse Eiffel Tower. Vaginal Sex. Riding. Hair Pulling. Praise. Mild Dirty Talk. Murder. Gore. Violence.

---

Notice Me.

---

Tiffany definitely leads your relationship, she plans everything from your dates, to the meals she cooks on nights in, to the restaurants and bars you frequent and even comes up with ideas to spice up your relationship. You love the absolute Hell out of Tiffany, and she loves you just as much in return, but love and sex don’t need to be exclusive, you can fuck other people together, and it doesn’t affect your relationship negatively. 

In fact? It has more than proven to do quite the opposite, it improves your relationship, makes it stronger and better. The ultimate bonding exercise.

So when out one night, at a college bar that is not the usual kind of place you’d go but was near the place you’d just had dinner and seemed suitable enough for a nightcap, Tiffany catches sight of just such a person to help you and her “bond.” 

She nudges your elbow, your eyes turn to her as you are mid-sip of your drink, she points a well manicured finger in the stranger of interest’s direction, and you look where she indicates, asking in that sweet totally Tiffany tone, “What about him?”

He is with a couple of people who you assume are his friends, looks like he fits right in at this bar, college-aged and honestly? Pretty fucking cute. Chocolate curls and nice cheek bones, he has a good smile and is casually dressed. You watch as he laughs at some joke, head tipping back and eyes closing, and yeah you can definitely see what Tiffany means, and it had been a while since you’ve done this.

“He’s very fucking cute.” You tell her with a small smile, and she says, “Right? What do you think? Should we go see if he’s interested?”

The dance of it is well practised by this point, manufacturing a meet-cute is not that hard. You wait until he goes to the bathroom, you place yourself just right and when he comes out and starts back towards the main area of the bar you make it so he bumps into you “accidentally”, the timing of it is perfect, the remainder of your drink spilling onto the floor. He curses and apologized and rambles about being clumsy, and you reassure him it’s all fine, so long as he has a drink with you. He takes you up on the offer. 

That is how you get him away from his group of friends, standing at the small table, you introduce him to Tiffany, and it all goes about as well as it always does. Talking leads to banter and banter to joking and from joking to flirting, which then leads to him coming back to your shared place. 

The first thing that drew you to Tiffany was how with just a few well-placed words could make just about anyone do anything she wanted, you fell victim to it constantly, part of what you adored about these nights was seeing how other people were affected and swept up in it too. The look on his face when she fully broke down your shared proposition was one of the best things you have ever seen. It’s nice not always being the one so awe-struck, on nights like these she directed you and so you assist in ruining whatever the flavour of the evening was. Speaking of flavour, Ethan you learned his name was, pretty fucking delicious. 

Ethan was seated up on the couch, Tiffany was perched next to him, manicure nails running over his scalp and through his hair, toying and playing with the collar of his shirt with her other hand, her chest pressed up against his arm as she teased him, “She’s got a great mouth, huh?”

You were sitting on the floor on your knees and between his spread thighs, his pants and underwear pulled down enough for you to get at what you wanted. You had one hand around the base of him and your lips locked right on that sensitive ridge where head meets shaft, you suck indulgently, noisily, messily. You pull off with a very wet sounding pop before you lean back in, your tongue swirling around his tip, he groans and Tiffany’s fingers twist in his hair, she pulls, forcing him to turn his head away from looking down at you and instead towards her, and asks, “Well?”

He finally responds to her earlier question, “Ye-yeah, so good.”

You preen a bit at the praise, bite back a smile and instead envelop him once more in the warm wet heat of your mouth, which earns you an even louder moan. 

He came quickly the first time, gasping out stuttered and broken praise, adorable and very hot, he tasted good too, but hey he is a young and fit guy, multiple rounds wasn’t an issue. It’s almost impossible to keep your eyes off of him once all those clothes were off, he wasn’t cut per se, but clearly had some muscle, some serious strength he could throw around. He insisted on hitting you back, so you let him, sitting on his face while Tiffany observed, hand between her legs, giving critique and praise, telling him what did it best for you, what was capable of making you shudder and gasp. Tiffany didn’t sit static still for long, she climbed aboard, and you watched as she slid him into her dripping hole, you felt the moan he let out against you vibrate through your bones. You came to the sight of your girlfriend riding him for all he’s worth, nails biting into his sides as her tits bounced, and she moaned out, “-what a good fuckin’ boy you are-” to Ethan.

He was eager to please and didn’t stop till both you and Tiffany were satisfied, not like you and her didn’t do your own heavy lifting, the best threesomes are always the ones where everyone is into everyone, with no boundaries, everyone wanting and willing to touch, play with all people in the equation. 

So the next morning, when the sun rose and everyone was dressed again, you send the man with curly hair and an undeniably dopey smile on his face and a dazed look in his eyes, back out into the wilds of the city. You expected to never see him again, but you and Tiffany apparently had a much bigger effect on him than either you or her could have ever anticipated. 

You aren’t even sure how he ended up finding you both again but he does, all excitable and sweet as pie, running into you both on the street while you were hand in hand. “Tiffany! Uhm hi, how are you both?”

And after a little basic and polite conversation, he looks nervous as fuck when he says, “I know it’s been a bit, and sorry if this is forward or whatever, but I cannot stop thinking about us all maybe doing that uh again sometime?” 

You both share a look and Tiff’s red lips curve up into a smile, brow creased in this expression you know all too well that communicates, “Isn’t he adorable?” without having to outright say it. She turns back to him, her hand that isn’t holding yours reaches out, fingers pass over his jaw, he grins and leans into her touch, and she says, “You’re so fucking sweet, but usually the people we invite in are one and done.” 

The look on his face resembles that of a kicked puppy, it almost makes you feel bad, until he says one quiet, “Oh.” And THAT is what makes it feel like a bucket of ice water has been dumped on you. 

“Hey, hey, don’t look like that-” Tiffany pauses, and he supplies in a wounded tone, “Ethan.” She smiles warmly, “Yes, of course, Ethan, I remember.” She totally didn’t, but you don’t call her on it. “-I don’t look so sad. Trust me, there will be plenty of other people, don’t get all hung up on us, okay, sweetface?”

You and her depart, and you think that will be it. 

It is not. 

Apparently Ethan still wants to be near and close to you both, not willing to go down without a fight, convinced that he can get you both on board with giving him another shot. Tiffany laughs about it, you think it’s sweet and harmless, he keeps on popping up in unexpected places. Tiffany would tell him when pressed about why this couldn’t work, “We’re just too different, honey.”

He finds out about your and Tiffany’s shared “couple hobby”. Tiffany’s older partner and her used to murder together, another bonding exercise, one she got you into too, and you took to it like a duck to water. He wasn’t scared off of course, he kept what he witnessed in an alleyway that night a secret, he could work with this, could show you just how similar he was, and then you’d both stop thinking this couldn’t work, you would take him seriously. 

It was late, Tiffany and you were walking home from the bar one night, post date, when you hear a whistle, looking across the street you see Ethan. Leaning against the brick wall outside the mouth of an alleyway. He is grinning almost ear to ear, he beckons you over and like a moth to flame you are drawn in, tugging Tiffany alone as she rolls her eyes but smiles all the same. 

“Hiya Eth.” You greet, and he greets you in kind, saying your name with a raise of his eyebrows. 

“What’s up sweetheart?” Tiffany asks, and he says, “I got something to show you.” 

He pushes off the wall and heads down into the alleyway, and you both follow. You wonder what the fuck he could possibly want to show you here, but soon it becomes clear. You see the body on the wet ground, some guy’s stomach ripped open like he had been split groin to sternum, but there is like literally no organs in the open cavity of his body. Before you could wonder where they were, Tiffany smacked you on the shoulder and pointed up. Strung up on the fire escape built on the side of the building is all the intestines and everything else that once helped make up a person hanging like fucked up macabre streamers, dripping blood and honestly the amount of work that went into the artful presentation, the soft pink tissue wrapped around rusty iron, it was stunning, impressive. 

“Ethan how-” You turned to look, and he was holding up a mask you had seen on the news many times over the years, ghostly white but flecked with blood, his smile was infectious, spreading to both you and Tiffany. He says, “So what you were saying before about us not being enough alike…Would you say this proves you wrong?”

Your answer is given by way of two kisses, yours, passionate and firm, trying to communicate how you missed him, followed by Tiffany’s messy and with a hint of tongue, leaving lipstick smudged on Ethan’s mouth. You both take one of his hands and lead him out of the alleyway, inviting him back to your place for the second time ever, intent on getting to a private venue to ride him into the mattress again, punctuated with discussing knife techniques as pillow talk. 

[polyamzeal]

My first polyamorous relationship recently came to an end and I'm still reeling from it, I guess I'm wondering if you have any sage wisdom to throw into this whirlwind ?

I started seeing this guy while he was on and off with his life partner of four years, until they broke up for the 'sixth and final time'. We had a talk at this point and clarified that neither of us were looking to fill that primary partner gap for the time being and I was aware he would be healing for a time, but we both stated that we were invested in our relationship, saw it as something good and healthy, and that we wanted to put work in to continue making it as good as possible. Things were really great for almost a month after that and his ex well and truly seemed out of the picture to the both of us.

Then suddenly one day his ex decided she wanted to get back together monogamously (after four years of polyamory) and he immediately informed me that was just - happening.

Our relationship only lasted four months and he loves her and thinks this is the only way to still be able to spend his life with her, and has belief in this choice because she broke off a two year relationship for this, but I feel like this is really terrible. He seemed committed to polyamory as long as I've known him and never mentioned any hopes otherwise, and the decision was made really suddenly. I got incredibly upset with him and cut him out of my life and now I'm in the stage of trying to puzzle over how much of this situation is morally bad on his part and how much is just really unfortunate circumstance? I don't really know how to react to this, just heartbroken and confused! Any words are helpful 😅

First off, that really sucks! I am really sorry you went through that and I hope you have been healing well.

When I first became polyamorous I had this very naive idea in the back of my head that all my future relationships would last forever. I would just keeping adding more partners since nobody had a reason to breakup if cheating and other people wasn't going to break up relationships. Obviously that was foolish! But after those first few polyam breakups I really appreciated the new perspective on breakups I had formed over time. In monogamy, a breakup is almost always seen as a "failure" because the goal was to spend forever together monogamously. For me at least with polyamory it felt easier to see a relationship as "Good for the time when it needed to be and over when it was no longer needed." I became much better at being grateful for the good memories and everything I learned about myself from that relationship without only focusing on the bad of why it didn't work out.

Change is hard. It always is for everyone. But I do feel like with polyamory we are a little more accepting to people and relationships naturally changing over time. That we go through 'eras' in our life and so little in life is actually eternal. I hope you take the good parts of that relationship with you into future relationships and now you are better prepared to handle similar bad aspects of the relationship. I wish you good luck.

[bonezone44]

Muddy Waters, pt. 2 (18+)

'Muddy Waters'

Ezra x F!Reader x Joel Miller

Summary: You keep hearing someone calling your name and you fear for your life (it's cool, though. you're fine). You visit Joel Miller to see what he wants.

Word Count: 5,8k

Part 1 Part 3 (story masterlist) (my masterlist)

tags: NSFW 18+. Intuitive!Reader. Afab!Reader (she/they). Southern!Reader. Established Ezra x F!Reader. Polyam. No use of Y/N.

This Chapter: Pet names: baby, darlin. dry-humping, brief masturbation (m), coming in pants, cuckolding (i think it counts).

Author's Note: I've been putting off very important responsibilities to write this chapter because I literally can't stop thinking about this. <3 god bless y'all. (It'll be a while for the 3rd chapter)

+++++

You placed your hand on your stomach in an attempt to ease your nerves.

You had been sick with worry and paranoia for over a week.

Two days after you visited Joel Miller for the first time, you ventured to the stables. You had planned to help out Jerome and brush some of the horses, but changed your mind once you got there. It was too beautiful of an afternoon to do anything. The sun was bright and beaming and the clouds were thin and wispy. The air: warm and dry. You walked over to one of the empty corrals and climbed up–sitting yourself on the wooden rail with your chest high. You greeted the great Helios above with your eyes shut and a closed-lip smile on your face. One hand anchored you to the nearest post as the other stretched down and out from your side–fingertips providing a small counterbalance to keep you steady. You washed and basked in the pulses of ultraviolet frequencies as they massaged and vibrated all the pains and worries straight right outta your soul.

It felt so good to be alive.

You wished everyone had the time to sit and absorb the goodness our universe had to offer. You wished everyone in town could take a whole day off to do nothing but vegetate in the elements. Whether they wanted to soak in some water or back in the sun or find peace in the cool air of a cave. You wanted everyone to feel as free as you felt in that moment, meditating on the giant ball of chemical explosions that kept our planet alive from millions of miles away.

You could hear the snorts and clops from the horses in the stables and part of you wished they were all free and running wild across the Wyoming prairies. You heard the blades of grass rustling against one another in the breeze. You heard the distant chatter of town–hammers, music, a vague cloud of conversation. There were closer voices, too. Stablehands talking while they worked.

Then, at a distance you couldn’t decipher, you heard someone calling your name. But you didn’t want to turn around, yet. Too enraptured in the healing power of the sun. And if it was Jerome, you knew he would find you soon enough.

But when you heard it a second time, you figured it was a sign to stop loafing around.

You sighed and abandoned your little paradise–reluctantly venturing back into social order. You hopped down from the fence and wobbled a little. Your muscles had gone stiff from their unmoving positions. You honestly don’t know how long you were sitting there.

You looked around as you stretched but didn’t see anyone–well, anyone who seemed to be looking for you, anyway. You headed over to the stables. Jerome was inside talking to one of the other handlers.

“Hey,” you greeted him with a smile. “Were you lookin for me?”

Jerome’s brow twisted. “No,” he answered simply. “I mean, I saw you out there but I figured I’d leave you alone and let you do your thing.”

An embarrassed smile bloomed on your face and you tucked your head down. “Yeah, it’s nice out.”

“It is.” He smiled wide and pleasant. “It’s good to know someone gets to enjoy it.”

You knew he meant what he was saying, but shame lingered across your skin. “I–uh, I thought I heard someone callin me.”

He shook his head. “No one from in here.”

“Huh.”

That was weird.

The next day, you woke up with a burst of energy and decided to use it to clean up the apartment. You and Ezra were fairly sloppy on your own, but your powers combined could turn a museum into a dumpster in the matter of minutes. You were folding the mountain of laundry on the couch when you heard Ezra calling you from the bedroom. It was strange for him to say your name instead of ‘baby’ or ‘precious’ or some other tender moniker. So instead of answering aloud, you walked to him–worry building in your mind. When you got to the bedroom and opened the door, he was fast asleep and snoring. Drool soaking into the blue cotton pillowcase.

You would have brushed it all off, chalked it up to your mind playing tricks on you. But then, later that day, it happened again in town. 

You were trotting along to the general store when you heard your name shouted. You stopped so abruptly that the person walking behind you ran smack-dab into your back. 

She apologized. You waved her off. 

You didn’t even look at who it was that hit you, your eyes too busy scanning the street.

But there was no one.

Well, yeah, technically there were people out there walking around and going about their business. But none of them seemed to be the one calling your name.

You walked straight home after that.

Later in the evening, while Ezra was out on patrol, and you were lying in bed and on the cusp of slumber–you heard it again. And it was loud. Loud and clear enough for you to distinguish that it was a man’s voice. You just couldn’t recognize whose.

You shot up from the bed in a panic and searched the whole three room apartment. You emptied the kitchen cabinets and the drawers and pulled the dresser from against the wall and rolled up all the rugs.

Someone was looking for you and you knew it.

Ezra came home the next morning to you wide-eyed and trembling in a ball on the couch.

“Uhh… baby?” His eyes slowly circled the disaster you had spent hours re-creating after spending the whole previous day cleaning. He took a slow step forward. “W-What happened?”

“They’re comin for me, Ezra. They’re comin for me and I know it.” You growled and pounded your fist on your knee. “I know it!”

“Who’s comin for you, baby?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know… exactly,” you muttered. “I’ve been narrowin it down and I think it was that guy’s brother that I killed.”

Ezra closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wiped his bare hand down his face, scratching the scruff along his jaw.

Your lips trembled. “Him and his friends are comin for me. I know it. I know they are.”

He tip-toed around the debris strewn about the floor. He sat down next to you and wrapped his arm around your tense shoulders. “Baby, I explained that to you. You did what you had to do to–”

“That’s not what this is about!” you spat and nudged him away.

He scooted back with his palms up in surrender.

“Someone has been calling my name! I keep hearing it again and again and when I turn around there’s no one! No one! But they’re calling for me like they’re comin for me! Like they’re gonna kill me!” Your eyes filled with tears.

“No one is gonna hurt you, baby.” Ezra’s hand gently squeezed your thigh.

“You don’t know that!” He made you furious sometimes, thinking he knew everything in the world. He couldn’t know someone wasn’t gonna hurt you because you knew that somebody was.

“I do, actually,” he responded with an attitude. “Because me and everyone else in this little town are here to take care of you and guard you from any harm.”

“That’s–that’s not–” you shook your head, but you couldn’t bring yourself to fully deny it. No, not everyone in the town existed to serve you, specifically. But you had made connections in Jackson. Real, emotional connections. You had made some real friends for the first time since you were a child. Jackson was becoming your new family. You knew that the people around you would protect you just as you would protect them.

Ezra was right and the thought of it all finally broke you.

“I don’t want to die!” You sobbed, gut spasming and tears flowing. “I’m not ready to go, yet!” You fell over into Ezra’s lap and wrapped your arms around his waist.

“Then we will all ensure that you do not go.” His warm hand gently pet your shoulder.

You continued to cry, surrendering all your tension to Ezra’s comforting love and to all the people of Jackson.

+++++

You were able to get some rest, but that didn’t mean you were going to be leaving the apartment anytime soon. You holed yourself up just to be safe. And the more you resisted the call, the stronger it became, feeling like someone was tugging you to come outside your sanctuary and—well… that was what scared you so much. You had no idea what they wanted from you. Just that they wanted something . Otherwise, what the hell would they be calling you for?

So when Ezra came home and told you that Joel Miller had been asking for you, you pieced the two together and saw a vision of him in your mind. Clear as day. He was standing on his front porch in a green button-up and combed hair. His hand was curved around his mouth and he was shouting your name–waving for you to come over.

But why was he looking for you? Why didn’t he just come over to your apartment? It was a small town. Everybody knew where you lived. And if he didn’t, he could have just asked Ezra or… anyone else for that matter.

Part of you wanted to find him immediately and share some choice words, but another part of you said ‘No. Make him wait.’ You had been suffering for days. Joel could suffer at least one more.

+++++

Ellie answered the door when you showed up and she pulled you into a tight hug. You hugged her back, but she kept holding on. You had never figured out how to measure the appropriate amount of time to hug someone. Everyone was different, you had learned. Especially around Jackson. So you stayed, hugging back, until she let go.

“What are you doing here?” she looked up at you.

“I’m just here to bother Joel. What are you doing here?”

She gasped. “I’m also here to bother Joel!” She grabbed your hand. “Let’s go bother him together!”

“Okay!” you answered with bright eyes and let her tug you around.

“Joel!” she shouted.

“What?” you heard him answer gruffly from another room.

“You have a visitor!” she said with emphasis on the ‘tore.’

You heard him scoff and then you heard his boots stomping down the hall. Once he emerged and saw you standing there in his kitchen, all his tension fell away. He looked surprised, but pleased, to see you.

“Hey,” he said while his mouth hung open, quirking upward at the edges.

All that fire you had inside of you the day before had disappeared at the sight of him. His jeans wrapped tight around his thighs. His hair slicked back like he just showered. He wore a dark t-shirt with only the edge tucked in at his belt buckle. “Hi,” you smiled once you found his eyes.

“We’re here to bother you!” said Ellie.

Joel turned to her and that angry scoff repeated itself. “Go occupy yourself, Ellie.”

She huffed. “Why?”

He put his hands on his hips and glared with wide eyes. He briefly pointed to you. “She needs some work done on her house. You wanna stay and hear us talk about it?”

Ellie let out a long, fitful groan and turned to you. “Contracting is so boring! ” She kicked her foot. “It used to be cool til I had to deal with it every–single–day! You guys suck.” She swiftly turned back to Joel on her heels. “Can I go stay the night at Dina’s?”

“Yeah.” He threw his hand up. “Just come home for breakfast.”

Ellie let out an evil chuckle and grabbed her backpack on the way out the door.

You were impressed by how quickly he got rid of Ellie. You figured he must do it a lot to have a ready excuse on hand. But now that you had Joel alone, you didn’t know where to begin.

“How are you?” you asked quickly, satisfied to start off simply.

“Good.” Joel stared at you a moment with a small smile and his hands in the pockets of his jeans. His eyes turned to his cabinets. “You want somethin to drink?”

“Sure.”

He pulled out a bottle of dark liquid. “I got whiskey.”

“Ehh, no thanks,” you said and sat down at the table.

Joel was taken aback. “You don’t like whiskey?”

“Nah, I don’t like the taste.” You waved him off. “It’s alright. I don’t need anything.”

"Sorry,” he frowned. “S’all I got besides Rena’s moonshine.”

“Ooh! I’ll have that!”

“What?” He looked at you befuddled. “You like Rena’s moonshine over aged whiskey?”

“Yeah!”

He shook his head and sighed. “Well, alright then.” He pulled out two glasses and poured your drinks, replacing the bottles in the cabinet. He sat your glass next to you with a soft thunk on the wooden tabletop. He took his own seat at the opposite end, six feet away.

It felt different than the last time you visited and you couldn’t put a finger on why. The world outside, the past week or so–it all felt so far away.

“So what did you need me for?” you asked casually and sipped your moonshine. It was sharp and brutal and you coughed a little. Moonshine wasn’t meant to be sipped, but it didn’t feel right to down the whole glass at once. The man just sat down. You didn’t wanna make him get up again.

“What?” Joel glanced at the door and then back to you. “You just came here.” He punctuated with his finger on the table. “I figured you needed me for something.”

“Well, no. I mean–” You waved your hand around. “--you’ve been looking for me.”

“I– hmm …” He stared at you with his lips between his teeth and a question in his eyes. “Ezra mentioned you thought someone was lookin for you.” He tilted his head. “What was it that was makin you think that?”

“I kept hearing someone calling my name,” you answered plainly.

“Callin your name?” He shook his head. “Like… how? Just out loud?”

“I mean, kinda. It sounded like someone off in the distance. But it was more like a thought. Like a really loud thought.”

“Someone thinkin your name?”

“No. Just callin for me. Tryin to get my attention. Wantin me for somethin.”

He nodded slowly, fingers on his glass. “And you think it was me?”

“Well, yeah.” You responded as if it was obvious. “Ezra mentioned you asked about me and–”

“Did no one else ask about you? I mean, you were out and about all the time and then outta nowhere you just kinda… stopped.”

“No, there were others, but–”

“You makin house calls to them, too?”

“...No.” You were starting to doubt yourself, feeling Joel poke at you the way he was. But at the time, it was so loud and so clear–there was no room for misinterpretation.

“Just me, then?” he asked.

“Y-yeah.” You suddenly felt so stupid. Maybe you did fuck up. 

But it felt so real, though.

You took another sip of moonshine.

“So you thought I was callin for you–” he leaned back, smirking, looking cocky as hell. “--and you just came runnin?”

“I–” you blinked. Is that how it looks? Is that what really just happened? “I just wanted to see what you wanted,” you mumbled.

“Okay,” Joel chuckled. “Alright.” He took a sip of his whiskey.

You stared at your own glass–head swirling around with worry. ‘ Did I make it all up in my head again?’ You drank the rest of your moonshine in one go–social graces be damned.

Joel chuckled again. “You want s’more?”

“Sure,” you nodded rapidly.

He rose from his chair and pulled the jar of moonshine out again. “Ezra told me about when you made him go to LSU.”

You sighed. Grateful for the change of topic. “Yeah, he loves tellin that story.” You waved your hand. “He’s always goin crazy with it.”

His brow furrowed as he walked back over to you and refilled your glass. “It didn’t happen?”

“No, it did. I mean–” you smile warmly and shake your head. “--He always says we walked for twenty four hours, but he doesn’t know that for sure.” You two have argued countless times over it. “We didn’t have watches on.” You pointed at the one on Joel’s wrist. “It could have been sixteen or twenty or something.”

“But you did it.” Joel sat back down, leaving the jar of moonshine on the table.

“Yeah.”

“How’d you know where to go?”

“LSU used to be used as a hurricane shelter before the outbreak and sure enough, it got turned into a safe haven afterwards. We’d been hearin talk about it for a while, so it was our best bet. We walked from one interstate to the next, following the road signs like anyone else would.”

Joel hummed. “That makes sense.” He smiled briefly. “But… how did you know? How did you know for sure that they could help? That they would help?”

“Well, we didn’t exactly have any other options. He wanted to go to Florida but that meant crossin New Orleans from where we were at.” You looked at Joel dumbly. “I mean… New Orleans? After all that shit–” you spun your finger in the air. “--went down?” You shook your head. “Nuh-uh. I was not about to do all that. I mean, Baton Rouge ain’t much better but I knew New Orleans was a fuckin death trap.” You placed your hand on your chest. “No matter how near and dear that city was to my heart.”

He gave you another brief smile before he leaned forward, elbows on the table. “But what if you were wrong?”

You shrugged. “Well, that woulda fuckin sucked then, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” He leaned back and laughed.

Making him laugh, making his face relax–even briefly–sent a warmth through you strong enough that you had to look away. You felt it between your legs, too, much to your embarrassment. But you could easily blame that on the alcohol. That’s just how you got when the poison kicked in. That and you started cursing a lot more.

It may have gotten a laugh out of him, but you needed to rein yourself in.

“Ezra makes it sound like I’m magic or psychic or something. But I’m not. I mean, everybody has an intuition. Mine is just really strong sometimes. And,” you shrugged as your lips grew into a tight smile. “Even then, sometimes I’m wrong.” Your eyes wandered the kitchen’s yellow walls. “Sometimes it’s all in my head.”

He grunted and nodded. Took another sip of his whiskey. “How long have you known Ezra?”

“Oh, since the beginning, really. He tells the story better than I do.” You tried to wave him off. “He makes it funnier.”

Joel leaned back in his chair with a smirk. “Maybe I want the real story.”

You fought to hide your glowing smile. Between the two of you, Ezra was the storyteller and you were the listener. It wasn’t often you got to share your version of things. “I met him in a grocery store.” You played with the glass on the table as the words tumbled out of you. “I was alone and… following a trail of dead infected and, I don’t know, maybe some uninfected, too. I didn’t look all that closely. I was just lookin for somebody with a gun. And somebody had to be killin all those things. So I–” you threw your hand up. “--barged through the front doors and started singin at the top of my lungs hopin they would just shoot me and put me out of my misery.” Your eyes went wide as you stared at your glass distorting the wood grain beneath it.

“Why didn’t they?”

“Ezra says they were all too excited to see a girl the same age as them.” You looked up at Joel with only your eyes. “But I think they were conservin ammo, because I–” you pointed at your chest. “--I looked like shit.”

He smiled.

“Then… I started singin into those big deep freezers ‘cause they were empty and it made my voice echo all funny.” You grinned. “I was tryin to be real annoyin. Hopin it would make them just… get it over with quicker.” You smiled at yourself. You hadn’t had the strength to say you’d been bit. That would have really been the way to get the job done. “Ezra said his cousins were arguin over what to do, but he wound up choosin for ‘em because he comes outta the back screamin at me.” You remember how he looked, too. In a black Tool t-shirt and dirty jeans. His hair was matted with sweat and his beard was sparse and prickly. He looked like a tall, thin rat holding onto a shotgun by its barrel. “But he was screamin at me ‘cause I was singin the words wrong.”

“That’s what did it, huh?” Joel chuckled.

“Yep.” You nodded. “Ezra was trying to correct me and I shouted at him–” you screwed up your face. “--’Who cares about the lyrics? It’s the end of the world!’ and he yelled back, ‘No, it isn’t!’” You threw your fists down just like he did–like a little boy trying to get his way. “And he yanked me into the back room and introduced me to him and his cousins and gave me a knife.” You smirked at Joel with a shrug.

He grinned. Long fingers toying with his glass. “So that was it, huh?”

“That was it,” you said with a wave of your hand.

Joel wore a soft smile on his lips as he sipped his whiskey. “You’ve known him that long, huh?”

“Yep.” You tried not to think about it. All those memories and untold stories threatening to boil over your placid surface.

He tilted his head. He opened his mouth to say something before deciding otherwise. “You two are just… different.”

“In some ways we are, but we have a hell of a lot in common, too.” You nodded at Joel. Determined to stay cool, calm, and collected. “It’s been a long journey,” you added simply. 

“Sounds like it.” He stared at you with an expression you couldn’t decipher. Something in his eyes was changing.

You smiled back politely as you tried to ignore the feeling in your gut–hoping that if you ignored it, then it would go away ( as if that ever fuckin worked ).

“Does he know you’re here right now?” Joel asked, brows up and worried.

You blinked. The way he asked it made you feel like you were doing something wrong. As if this visit was somehow tawdry. “He knows.”

“And it doesn’t bother him?”

“Should it?” Would it? You wondered.

“Maybe.”

You didn’t know how to respond. Anxiety bubbled inside of you. You felt sunken into the chair and–you realized–if you were there for less-than-pure reasons, you didn’t exactly mind.

Not with him standing up from his chair, jeans bulging between his legs, hair slowly curling as it dried.

He walked to your end of the table, jar of moonshine in his hand and refilled your glass. You hadn’t noticed that you emptied again. “I would want my woman visiting another man at night alone.” He screwed the lid back on the jar, metal ridges sliding against the glass. “Drinking all their liquor.”

Everything in the room had then shifted a few degrees. The air felt more humid. Your hearing felt cotton-y. The color of the floors and walls looked warmer–tinted red. You sipped the moonshine and it didn’t burn this time. It felt like the same temperature as the rest of you. 

“Ezra doesn’t keep me on a leash.” You looked up at him with just your eyes. He hadn’t moved yet. Still standing tall next to you. He was so close, so near. You could feel the heat coming from him–somehow distinct from the rest of the room. He smelled like leather. Leather and the whiskey he had been drinking. 

His hand moved forward, and two knuckles grazed your neck. “Do you want to be kept on a leash?”

You closed your eyes and sucked in a sharp breath of air. His touch sent pulses of electricity down your body. You could feel it in your gut, too. Strong oscillating waves of gravity pulling you towards him. A flurry of images played in your mind at a speed too fast to hold on to. You leaned your head back, but you didn’t move yourself away from his touch. “No. I don’t.”

His hand found its way to the back of your neck. His fingers scratched into your scalp. “You want something, though. Don’tchu?”

You kept your eyes closed, melting into his affection. “I-I don’t know.” You didn’t know how to voice it. You were too afraid to. Too afraid of saying the wrong thing and him stopping.

“Well, you came over here for somethin–”

You looked up at him with furrowed brows. “I came over here because you wanted somethin.”

“Right, right.” Joel chuckled. “It was all me.”

“It was you.” You gritted your teeth. He was playing tricks on you and you knew it. If he hadn’t wanted you, he wouldn’t have been touching you the way he was. All tender and perfect.

“Sure thing, darlin.” Joel shook his head with a smile.

You rolled your eyes and he released your head. You immediately missed his touch.

He put his hands on his hips. “But even if it was, you still showed up, didn’t you?”

“I–” you wanted to argue, but you couldn’t. You were too warm, too turned on, too eager to see where Joel wanted to take you. He was standing waist high in swirling, muddy waters and offering you his hand. You sighed. “You’re right. I did.”

Ambrosial. That was what Ezra would call it when you gave into those urges that everyone else told you to keep at bay. Divine. “I can’t keep this from him. From Ezra.”

“That’s good,” he said quickly and earnestly. He pulled out the chair next to you and moved it to your side, so he could sit down without the table between you. He put his large hand on your knee, thumb on one side and long fingers splayed on the other. “Cause I want you to tell him everything,” he said harshly. His hand slid up your thigh with a light squeeze. “I want him to know–everything .”

Your mouth hung open in shock. Nothing had even happened yet exactly but goddamn his hand on you felt like a searing hot stove and you wanted to be branded. Branded all over. You wanted marks and bruises and aching bones that told everyone in town what Joel did to you to get off–not just for Ezra’s knowledge.

Fuck, it felt so good to be alive.

“D-Do you often go lookin for women who already have partners?”

“No,” he said quickly with a shake of his head. His other hand joined the first, rubbing up and down your thighs. “First time.” He said licking his lips and staring at yours.

Your stomach swooped. You wanted to kiss those lips but you couldn’t will yourself to move.

“Can’t help myself, I guess,” he smirked at you, looking into your eyes. “Can’t help but think–” the man looked starving for you. “--that you could use somethin different after all these years.”

You felt like you were gonna faint. You had never–no one had ever hypnotized you before with such basic, carnal desire. And Ezra– “Ezra’s the only man… I’ve ever been with.”

“Good,” he nodded. “I like that.” One hand left your thigh and found your neck, fingers wrapping and guiding you towards him. He pressed his lips into yours and you could taste his whiskey–a taste much better indulged on someone else’s lips–no, on his lips. 

Joel Miller, a man you barely knew, was kissing you in his house at his beautifully lime-washed kitchen table.

Too much.

Too new.

Your brain couldn’t compute.

He broke his lips from you briefly and pulled you upward to stand. With his hands on your hips, he guided you to sit on the table.

You anxiously grazed his body along the edge of your palms. Your limbs felt detached as they moved in slow motion.

He pulled away, smirking. “You this soft with Ezra?”

You wanted to hide your face. “No, I just… don’t know what to do–what you want.”

He grinned wide, hazy eyes staring at your lips. “I want whatever you want, darlin.” He grinded his clothed hardness between your legs. “C’mon, now.”

You moaned at his girth pressing into you. “Okay, okay,” you nodded.

You grabbed the back of his neck and licked into his mouth. Your other hand scratched up his back and then pulled his chest tight against you. You rolled your hips into his, cunt pulsing around nothing–just the anticipation of his fat cock stretching you out.

“That’s what I’m talkin ‘bout.” He grunted and thrusted hard against you. “That’s what I want.”

You kept at it, rubbing your clit against his thickness. You were both fully clothed, dry humping like horny teenagers. But you didn’t wanna stop to take anything off. Didn’t wanna do a single thing different. You continued chasing your high, moaning and whimpering.

Joel matched your rhythm. His hands squeezed your ass cheeks, molding and toying with what he could through the thick fabric of your pants. Mouth sucking and tonguing your neck–leaving cooling lines of spit.

“Oh my god!” You cried out, feeling that tell-tale burn rising up in you.

“Yeah? You gonna come, darlin?” Joel spoke into the skin beneath your ear. “You gonna come and I ain’t even touched you, yet?”

“Mhmm! Mhmm!” You panted and writhed against him.

The whole table was moving and shaking and scraping the floor. Every grunt and moan reverberated and echoed loud and uninhibited. Your empty glass of moonshine fell over and Joel reached out to pick it up in his hand.

You bit into his shoulder when you came with a sharp sob–mouth full of his cotton t-shirt and whatever flesh you were able to grab beneath it.

“Fuck, darlin,” Joel groaned, his hips slowing and stopping. He released the glass from his hand and pushed you back flat on the table. He pulled your shirt up, exposing only your stomach. He rushed to get his cock out, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants in the flash of a second.

Your stomach dropped at the sight of it, russet and aching. Uncut and angry. He wrapped his hand around the head, pumping himself furiously.

Your cunt was still pulsing, aftershocks rippling through every muscle in your abdomen. 

He slapped his free hand down on the table next to your shoulder and leaned over you. He looked into your eyes–his own were red and glazed over. His expression was pained–lips and brows pulled tight. He called out your name and it echoed in your mind like it had for the past week and a half. Him calling and calling for you. Again and again.

His hips stilled suddenly and he came on your stomach, spend soaking into the edges of your shirt and pants.

You looked up at him with wonder. Wondering what was happening and what it all meant.

He sighed with a smirk and fell on top of you, nuzzling into your neck.

You wrapped your arms around him, hands sliding up  and down the planes of his back as air filled and emptied his lungs.

“That was good,” he said, kissing you softly.

“Yeah.” The word came out of you with a breath. “It really was.” You stared at his ceiling, wondering if the light fixture came with the house or if Joel had replaced it himself.

+++++++

Just like you said you would, and just like Joel told you to, you told Ezra everything. You tried to start at the beginning and work your way through but there were so many emotions involved and you kept jumping around and trying to explain it all out while you were wringing your hands and pacing the small main room of your apartment.

Ezra looked dazed the whole time you spoke, only glancing at you every once in a while. It made you so nervous that you couldn’t stop–you couldn’t stop talking and describing and explaining.

“Are you gonna fuck him?” he asked, eyes half-lidded, his breaths short and high in his chest.

“I-I-I don’t know.” You hadn’t exactly made more plans with Joel.

“You wanna fuck him?”

“Yeah.” There was no denying it. “I do.”

He looked like he was gonna be sick and it scared you. Then his hand slid between his legs and he started palming himself. You hadn’t noticed he was hard.

“You wanna fuck him, baby?” he asked again, more urgently. “You wanna fuck him?”

You nodded. “Yeah,” you whispered.

“Yeah?” He cried out. “Yeah?” he asked louder.

“Yeah, baby.” You said as you looked into his fervent gaze. “I wanna fuck him.”

Ezra’s whole body went tense. His eyes shut tight as he keened, squeezing himself through his jeans. It took a few minutes for him to come back down. His breathing was heavy as he rested his head on the back of the couch.

He looked like he had gotten the fuck of his lifetime and all he had done was sit there. He swallowed hard. His adam’s apple bobbing. “I don’t think–” He licked his lips. “I don’t think I’ve come that hard since I was in juvie.”

You put your hands on your hips, staring down at this man you’d known and grown to love over the course of twenty years. You laughed.

Ezra picked up his head and smirked. Then he started laughing, too.

For how good it all was, it still scared the shit outta you. You barely knew Joel. You barely knew anyone in Jackson, in a way. For all the good will you’d developed over your time there, you weren’t sure what kind of social consequences would occur if word got out about this.

You also weren’t sure if you really gave a shit.

--------------

there's more chapters to come, fyi!

Authors Note: What song were you singing that Ezra was correcting you on? That's up to YOU! I didn't wanna be too specific. In my mind, Ezra was definitely into Tool, Rage Against The Machine, Jay Z. I bet Ezra lost his damn mind the first time he heard hip-hop.

tags: @toxicanonymity @walkintotheriveranddisappear (oops! forgot to tag u!)

Part 1 part 3

(story masterlist)

(my masterlist)

[alexissara]

Happy Day of Visibility for Non-monogamy

[Image From Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko!]

Today is Day Of Visibility for Non-monogamy, I am polyamarous, I've written about it a few times in recent days so feel free to ya know search Polyam on my blog and you'll see plenty of writing if you want more but today is gonna be completely personal chat. So strap in for my asexual lesbian polyamarous life.

I personally attempt to be as non hierarchical as possible, I am engaged [and have been] to my Fiancé whom i've dated since I was in Freshmen year of high school so obviously we have tons of history and in these 15 years of love i've never felt like I needed monogamy in my relationship with them. I've dated a set of long distance partners for around 8 years now and I love all of those women and wouldn't replace them for the world, we spend hours and hours every single day talking. I had a recent ex girlfriend whom I almost dated for 2 years before our break up and I have a non traditional subby dommy kinda thing going on with a really sweet girl that's been going on for over a year now.

My Fiancé has been dating another amazing girl who I think is amazing [as a friend] for like 5 years now and she has a boyfriend who is married to another woman but he lives with her. My Girlfriend has been dating another girl who is like one of my best friends ever for a lot of years now too. I have a pretty good relationship with the whole polycule and I am really happy to be able to not just have all this love but to have all this love for my partners. It's super fun to see my partners date and fall in love and explore themselves in new ways, it's fantastic.

I would say my approach is mostly a relationship anarchist style in that I let relationships be what they are as opposed to feeling like a strict line from what interactions with people of particular titles can be. That said when we decide on a title I do take them very seriously and want to respect when a relationship has elevated into something clearly romantic between me and those other people. I love, love but I also understand that I only have so many hours in the day and I want to make sure I am treating everyone well.

Non-Monogamy can be a little bit of work but relationships can be too. At first I was really bad at polyamory, I thought you had to be in a relationship with everyone dating everyone and tried to like force that kind of dynamic which neither of my partners appreciated and they sat me down to clear it up with me that they weren't interested in each other romantically. I also worked to stop comparing people to each other. It had always been that different partners had given had given me different things in my life.

Two years ago I was really sick, like constantly in and out of the hospital sick. During that time I only grew to appreciate my polycule even more. Having my loved ones all in a group chat giving each other updates, having people be awake at different hours so I couldn't be alone and depressed and feeling horrible. I felt so lucky to have so much love and to be showered in that affection all of them trying their best to help take care of me. Honestly, I don't know if my mental health could have been as okay as it was in such a terrible state with that constant affection from everyone.

I hope we can live in a world that becomes more accepting of non monogamy and that we have more rights. My partners matter so deeply to me and I couldn't chose between them. Like a body needs a bunch of different vitamins I need a lot of different love to stay healthy. This is who I am, this is who my heart is, this is me. To every other non monogamous person out there, your not alone, your seen, your loved and we have each other if we don't have anything else.

[suzukiblu]

Get to Know Me

Tagged by @paleolithicarcher.

List 3 ships I like: Current hyperfixations being what they are, I'd say my current faves are Tim/Kon, Core Four polyam, and Kon/Match. ( honorable mention to Tim/Kon/Bernard, because I SURE DO have a lot more of "think pink" outlined, cough cough cough )

First ship ever: Tiny baby Rin wanted Madeline and Pepito to get fucking MARRIED and anyway THAT particular ship dynamic was clearly etched in my heart from Day Fucking One, hahahaha.

Last Song I heard: "All I Ever Wanted" by The Airborne Toxic Event, one of my long-time faves. Just popped up from my shuffled likes while I was typing this up.

Favorite Childhood Book: Animorphs. Just . . . all of it. All of them. I used to call the mall bookstore first thing every month to see if the new one was in yet. ( NO WALDENBOOKS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I NEED IT-- )

Currently Reading Now: Mob Psycho 100 volume one. I've seen bits and pieces of the show, but my library finally got it on Libby so I finally started actually READING it. It's so stupid, I love it. ❤ Also about halfway through All Systems Red, though teeeeechnically I'm not reading that one, I'm listening to the audiobook. Saving the rest of it for a long drive I've gotta do next week. Superman Smashes the Klan is sitting on my bedside table and up next.

Currently Watching: Just finished season three of the American version of MasterChef as part of a two-week Gordon Ramsay binge I've been on; planning to rewatch Encanto this weekend. Really WANT to see American Fiction, which I'm pretty sure is streaming now, so I might ask the roommates if they're up for that one too.

Currently Consuming: McDonald's french fries and a Coke. Relatedly, I may or may not be sitting in a McDonald's as I write this.

Currently Craving: The chicken sandwich waiting in my takeout bag, lucky me!

Tagging: @chromatographic, @authenticaussie, @mistystarshine, and @definitelynotaminion.

[hillbillyoracle]

For the longest time I’ve been thinking these thoughts as well that I don’t think the Ace label fits me completely. It’s not completely wrong but it’s not the whole picture. Before I came to this same understanding I made the decision to not have children or get married. Now that I’m coming to terms with the fact that I actually have low energy I’m still not sure how life will look. I was starting to think that I was non commital and that my ideal relationship would just be a long term partner. I don’t think I have the energy for « society’s relationship expectations » and I don’t feel like bothering other people because I already know they don’t want to deal with me. What are some of your long term relationships tips? It’s either that or I stay single forever which is an idea that’s I’ve always considered as an option. One of the things with being Ace is that when you don’t just follow the script that’s when your the villain. Any other time our sexuality is convient for the system so it’s fine but the minute it starts disrupting their program suddenly what was once admirable is now disdained. Can we briefly mention what sexual power looks like when your this sexuality. I’m super self conscious about how I dress because I know I can’t event express my sexuality the way I want to because people might get the wrong impression. I’m not looking for anything I’m expressing myself because with the little energy I have left I use for creativity. I don’t have a problem with people doing things to signal sexual willingness my problem is the violence in our society when someone finds you hot and you don’t want to « put out » That’s not even getting into the mind games that the genders are playing with each other just the idea of it makes me not want to date. I’m tired just thinking about it. I’m really starting to imagine my life as the village witch living in the forest far from the villagers.

I also don't know that Ace/Aro really fits me but whatever I'm experiencing is at least Ace/Aro adjacent because there's a major overlap in experiences - getting frustrated with compulsory sexuality/romance, chaffing against society being organized around romantic and sexual coupling, simply not having impulses that my friends and family do. I made the decision very young that I didn't want to get married. I wanted to care for children but I didn't necessarily want to physically have any. So I knew from a pretty young age I was going a different route - in those ways I really relate to a lot of aceness.

However, I'm hearing from so many people that dating has become exhausting. And it's substantially more of a sentiment than it was say 10 years ago. Research backs this up - fewer people are dating and having sex. The younger you are, the more pronounced this is. So clearly there's also been a cultural shift in and around dating that's made it unsustainable for a lot of people as well. I'm sure that's also shaping my desire too.

So it's difficult to parse for me.

I think I have very little in the way of advice for long term relationships for a few reasons.

One, while I've been with my partner for seven years, it's been a tumultuous relationship. She was originally diagnosed with BPD and more recently was diagnosed with NPD. While I care about her a whole lot, she's not exactly emotionally available and it's taken years of painstaking effort on my part to establish norms and guide us toward a point of relative stability in our home life. Even if therapy and treatment eventually lead to her being more available, the likelihood of other aspects of a typical relationship (sexual desire, level of romantic reciprocity, etc) lining up seem low.

"Then leave!" I always hear.

No. Because on some level this works. We both are polyam/relationship anarchists who value our friendships very highly and build parts of our lives around them. We have similar preferences in how home and finances should be maintained. She has few preferences in areas I have many and vice versa. She's very good at things I suck at (bureaucracy, paying bills, speaking with officials, etc) and I'm good at things she sucks at (meal planning, ordering and organizing inventory, maintaining a social calendar, etc). While she's far from perfect, she's the most functional and helpful roommate I've ever had. I simply cannot afford to live on my own and neither could she.

So I feel like I have little to offer in the way of long term relationship advice other than don't be afraid to establish relationship norms that aren't common in other relationships. If the other person is on board, you're not harming any one. I know of no one who's been living with someone for 5+ years who has stuck 100% to the classic romantic formula for success.

My parents have been together for 30+ years and have always maintained a high degree of autonomy and alone time - even with my mom's stroke leaving her paralyzed on her right side several years ago. I have a friend who's lived separately in the same town from her long term partner of multiple years and they're both quite happy with that arrangement. I think often of the research lead I worked under who lived in a completely different city than her husband for 10+ years. They visited each other's spaces most weekends but not all.

A lot of things people swear are innately part of a relationship are really optional. The base model is respect and mutual appreciation, everything else is an upsell. Take it or leave it.

Per dressing to express - I think miscommunication is just always going to happen. People act according to their lenses and there's no way to completely circumvent that. And yeah, they're hellishly rude and can even be dangerous about that but there's no way to be totally free of it since it's so far outside of ones own control.

I have found no way to accurately communicate my sexuality/preferences through my appearance with any reliability. My classic example of this for me is that it seems like no matter how I dress, people on dating apps assume I'm a top/dom/pleasure centered. Even when I included a picture of me in self bondage and explicitly listed my preferences on one more open minded app - only seemed to get interest from bottoms/subs/pleasure centered folks. Many of whom didn't bother to ask they were so certain - just based on my look. I've just come away from those experiences pretty convinced that people see what they want to see regardless of how hard you try to communicate yourself.

So fuck em. As frustrating as it all is there's really only one path I've found - do what you want (as long as you're not hurting anyone.)

Cause like what the fuck else is there to do?

[cedarspiced]

hiya! i'm cedar! i'm a 22 y/o grey-ace fagdyke creature living in the PNW.

buy me a kofi?

my free/cheap anthro bases

gazafunds.com

sudanfunds.com

some things about me:

ΘΔ grackle-cat griffin, sable, cat, deinonychus, coydog, painted dog

i use it/they pronouns

i'm ADHD and autistic

i'm a physically disabled cane & wheelchair user with long covid, POTS, and several other fun conditions

i'm polyam and partnered with @bovinebimbobussy <3

i'm a huge paleoenthusiast and while i do have a soft spot for Mesozoic dinosaurs, i'm also a big fan of all the other prehistoric critters and plants. opabinia my beloved

i'm a furry and reblog furry art & fursuit pics sometimes, so if u don't wanna see that, please block those tags!

i also do reblog unreality stuff from time to time and I often forget to tag it, so if that's something that could bother you, please be forewarned.

i also reblog some nsfw text posts, so please be aware of that!

rent lowering gunshots:

kink belongs at pride and always has

masks & vaccines are awesome and slow the spread of disease

black lives matter and always have

free palestine. death to israel & to the USA.

if you say you're trans, you're trans. end of. there's no other requirements.

sex is a spectrum, not a binary. also, intersex people belong in the queer community.

TMA and TME are just terms used to describe a group most affected by a certain type of discrimination (in this case, transmisogyny). no, TME does not automatically mean transmasc. it also includes all cis perisex people and non-transfem intersex folks. (what do TME/TMA mean?)

thought crimes aren't real and having paraphilias doesn't automatically make you an Evil Bad Person

callout posts are only ever harmful. yes even if they really did do that thing they're being accused of.

the tr*nsandroph*bia movement is just Mens' Rights Movement: Transgender Edition. yes, transmascs are oppressed. that is purely because we are transgender. not because we are transgender & masc.

asexual and aromantic people belong in the queer community. yes, even the cishet ones.

vote-scolding people who have already made up their mind about an election is only going to make everyone more upset at each other, and calling people bots or russian psy-ops for having a different political opinion is uh. Not Cool. to put it politely (a.k.a. that behavior is rooted in primarily USamerican racism and xenophobia.) sometimes people just have different takes based on different lived experiences!

tagging explanations, sideblogs, other socials, and fursona refs under the cut :3

my tags:

#cedar speaks - my personal posting tag

#my face - self explanatory

#my art - also self explanatory

#no id - posts with no image description

#partial id - posts with some images described, but not all. alternatively, posts that have an ID that only describes part of the image (e.g. a post with a picture of an orange cat wearing a blue t-shirt that's captioned 'i love his little shirt' but the image is just described as 'a small animal'.)

#described - posts that have all images fully described

my sideblogs:

@sableteeth - therian/alterhuman sideblog @cedarspiced-artchive - all of my art gets reblogged to here

@morrowinds - all things elder scrolls

@slime-squishes - mined craft :]

@zooplanet - planet zoo, though i've been thinking about making it a sims sideblog as well

@the-fog-chamber - echo vn stuff

@fagmoans - horny blog. dni unless you're 18+

other socials (not really active on em, but jic this site goes tits-up):

instagram

cohost

bluesky

furaffinity

my fursonas:

Cedar (my namesake <3)

art by marlomogensen, with minor edits & background by me

[more detailed IDs for these coming soon, please be patient!]

Nyx (my truesona)

art by yours truly!

[polycraftory]

Another week, another book haul! These are the books we received between 9/17/24 and 9/23/24. Where did this week go? I feel like I misplaced it somehow.

On the bright side, we've got some stuff in here that I am incredibly excited for. For all of you polyamory lovers, we've been working hard to acquire and review as many books with polyam rep as possible. Out of this week's haul, Darker By Four by June CL Tan, Strange Grace by Tessa Gratton, and the SPECTR series by Jordan L. Hawk should all feature polyamorous relationships. Gabe read the first half of the SPECTR series a long time ago and is really looking forward to diving back into it. Nic also got Gabe The Twisted Ones by @tkingfisher because Gabe is feral about every single one of her books.

We got this lovely version of Dragon Falls (How to Tame a Husband) by Davis Lavender from the @rainbowcrate Cozy Fantasy box. I read it in two sittings and it was exactly the sweet gay romcom I needed as a pick me up after a hard week. Check out @ edgybutfemme on Storygraph for a full review of this funny dragon riding isekai romance. Also, the main character is demisexual & demiromantic, and I've never actually found a book with that rep before!

I'm going to start actually moving some of our written reviews for books from Storygraph (and video reviews from our TikTok, I've been a hot mess) over to Tumblr soon so stay tuned for that!

[polyamorousmood]

Hello! I've been following this blog for a while and it is completely fine if this post isn't something you feel like you may want on your page. I just wanted to talk about how kinda rare it is for younger polyam people (such as myself and my partners) to be recognized, seen, and accepted by the world and those around us. I'm sure I'm not the only one with this problem but hopefully, this can reach someone and make them feel less alone.

For reference, my partners and I are all 17. We have such an established connection and an open line of communication, especially since we all pretty much started out as friends. The three of us have grown up in immigrant families with some pretty strict values and customs that make it hard for us to be our true selves around our families when we're all at an event together like a birthday or just a casual hang out. It's especially hard because 4 times out of 5, we'd need a chaperone and then we have to code switch to "bro" and "dude" and "girl" because if anyone who ISN'T supposed to know finds out, it could potentially put all of us in a situation. It just sucks because I love them both so much and I wouldn't trade them for the absolute world! If I could scream it off of a rooftop, I'd scream until aliens thought the humans were raging war. I don't want to hide the fact that my love extends past the boundaries of societal norms. I don't want to feel like I'm hiding a giant secret behind a curtain. But I can't do all of that without potentially ruining the relationships I have with my family, my partner's families, and their relationships with their own families. This is very long, I apologize but to wrap it up:

It's difficult having to pretend to only be friends in the eyes of the people we care the most about. But the kind of love and connection I have with my partners is a kind of love that I wouldn't give up, even at gunpoint.

So this is a fascinating perspective to me, and I thank you deeply for sharing it. Because I would have killed (at least maimed) to know I was poly when I was a teen. It would have clarified years of my life, it would have allowed me years more of freedom and joy. Not to mention having friends on my side from the beginning.

So its heartwrenching to hear how burdensome it is to you -- even though it makes sense.

I want to let you know these problems are not unique to young folks. Its not "kinda rare it is for younger polyam people to be recognized, seen, and accepted by the world." Its rare for all polyam people to be recognized, seen, and accepted by the world. Adulthood and independence often allows much more space, of course. You curate more of your own life as an adult, and that gives you so much more time where you can be authentic, away from people who might "cause a situation," as you put it. I don't want to diminish this, because its very important to me you are aware of this very real hope, and because I don't want you to feel I am dismissing your concerns. You will get more time to live your life as you want to live it.

But unsupportive parents stay unsupportive (I haven't told mine). Fears of teachers becomes fears of bosses, landlords -- hell, banks. If living in a close community, polyamorous folks still go out on group dates "as friends" and say babe "in jest." There is still risk.

I don't say this to discourage you. Rather the opposite: You are not alone in your experience of having to tamp yourself down. Every polyamorous person I know has felt that or still feels that, and is still living a rich, full life. They are loving their partners💗. They feel unconstrained 🕊️ in those spaces they have carved for themselves. They do all of this despite the difficulties, and it remains worth it.

[chaikachi]

Hi, Chai! I've been following you for a bit, mostly for the RG content, and I've recently seen you talk about your other non-RWBY interests when I realized that I'm really curious on what other media do you like? (Be it shows, movies, music, games, books, etc.)

Oughh this is a very good question. I'll put them under a read more cause I have a feeling I took this question too literally and it might get just a little bit long because of that. 💦

I'm generally very passive with the media I consume and only draw as much RWBY as I do because RG has had me in a vice grip since V8E1 and isn't letting go anytime soon. 💀 But I do engage with lots of other stuff too! This isn't an exhaustive list, just ones I like lots or re-watch often enough.

Anime

I probably watch this stuff more than anything else. My favourite of all time is probably The Eccentric Family, both seasons. The art direction and the messages of the story just hit very hard for me and I re-watch it pretty much every year. My second favourite is Kekkai Sensen (i prefer the first over second season as they switch directors).

As for others enjoy:

Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood

Silver Spoon

Yona of the Dawn

Snow White with the Red Hair

Kyousogiga (recommend if you liked Kekkai Sensen)

A Lull in the Sea

Chaika the Coffin Princess [Now why does that name sound so familiar 🤔]

Anohana

Been really enjoying this season's shows and am looking forward to the Winter 2024 lineup (Dungeon Meshi and Yubisaki to Renren at the same time!!)

Shows

Dragon Prince

The Owl House

Good Omens

Games

Nier (2010),

Transistor

Pyre

Zelda Series (Ocarina of Time & Spirit Tracks are my favourites)

Nier: Automata

Honorary mentions to Grand Chase (an old MMO i used to be obsessed with), Avalon Code (a niche DS game that I really liked), Fire Emblem Awakening (a classic) and Animal Crossing (that I played like it was my day job in 2020).

Movies

Can only think of two live actions and the rest are animated/anime 😭

Stardust

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Howl's Moving Castle

HTTYD (1 & 2)

Kubo and the Two Strings

The Wind Rises

From Up on Poppy Hill

Penguin Highway

Books

I don't read as much as I did when I was a kid, but my top three are probably Runemarks, Howl's Moving Castle, and Stardust (I like the last two a lot because I liked their movies).

Webcomics

Used to be really into these and wanted to write my own before Webtoon kinda... gentrified the entire industry. But hey, I can still talk about some of my favourites!

Shaderunners (queer heist in a roaring 20sish setting)

Witchy (queer south East Asian inspired fantasy adventure)

Kochab (sapphic story between a skier that gets lost and meets a fire spirit I think? It's final updates are going up this month!)

Lady of the Shard (all time favourite. queer polyam lovestory between a goddess and her acolyte. Complete. I reread it every year, I love it so much. The rest of the authors work is also great, you might know them from Cucumber Quest).

Then lastly...

Music

I mostly listen to indie/folk more than anything else, with a bit of jazz/R&B thrown in for flavour. Favourite artists are probably:

San Fermin

Flock of Dimes/Wye Oak

Of Monsters & Men

Maggie Rogers

Florence & the Machine

Paper Kites

Matthew and the Atlas

Halsey

This list obviously isn't exhaustive because I have the memory of a goldfish but those are the highlights that came to mind at least.

Sorry for the long list, but thank you for the question!! It was fun to put all these in one place.

[kemihaydeestantonva]

Maybe this is because I've been in a polyam relationship for so long, and because it is not uncommon for the dragonlords of old to take more than one wife, but every time I see people discussing Rhaegar's abduction of Lyanna Stark there's always the same discourse around whether it was love or if he really did kidnap and assault her against her will, discussing the age difference (which to be clear, is gross yeah) and how Rhaegar shamed Elia, but in my mind when I think about the abduction, I think about this passage from ACoK:

“Aegon,” he said to a woman nursing a newborn babe in a great wooden bed. “What better name for a king?” “Will you make a song for him?” the woman asked. “He has a song,” the man replied. “He is the prince that was promised, and his is the song of ice and fire.” He looked up when he said it and his eyes met Dany’s, and it seemed as if he saw her standing there beyond the door. “There must be one more,” he said, though whether he was speaking to her or the woman in the bed she could not say. “The dragon has three heads.”

Like, to me, I always got the impression that because Elia was always sickly and struggled with childbirth, and because we know Rhaegar was into prophecy, that he came to understand he needed to have another child to fulfill the Azor Ahai prophecy - and that they must be forged with ICE and fire. I always interpreted this flashback as Elia being *in* on the entire thing. That he told her he was going to need to do this. It was never about love or lust at all - it was about prophecy. Yet, I never really see this take anywhere. Am I crazy off base here?