#I'm tired and that always makes me emotional
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pepperyduck · 3 days ago
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porcelain. toji f.
a/n: nsfw, angst?????? idk what this is really, just me yapping, very unhealthy boyfriend behaviors from toji, toji pushes ur buttons & makes you snap, DACRYPHILIA!!!!!, p in v. 18+ mdni.
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toji's always treated you as what he calls you; a doll.
no, he's never been the type to treat anyone delicately, but then there was you.
to him, you were but a fragile flower, asking to be crushed. toji's hurt a lot of people in his life. he would never hurt you. he never reciprocates the kindness of others, usually, but he couldn't help but treat you with the same love and respect you showed him.
he knows the real you.
toji knows that even among the most precious, delicate dolls, their porcelain skin will begin to crack if you play with them too much. he understands that under your angel-like persona, there's something much darker.
he sees the abyss of emotions inside of you, when you begin to crack.
he's too rough with you on purpose. because he wants that monster inside of you to come out. to be shown to him, what you really are. and it's all for his own pleasure. just for him to break you.
he wants you to snap at him so he can treat you accordingly. and he's so happy when your tired of your buttons being pushed, in his own twisted way.
"fuck off, toji!" with a hard push to his chest was all it took to make him happy. it gave him an excuse to not treat you like a doll anymore, toss you around a little bit. make you cry.
as crazy and sick as he was, you enjoyed it even more.
not even thirty minutes after your action of defiance, he had you laid out under him, eyes glossy with tears while he slowly stuffed you with his cock. toji's lips twitched in a sadistic grin as you allowed the tears to flow, all while staring dangerously into his eyes.
"y'er gonna break my heart, doll," toji groans. "cryin' like a baby all 'cus you feel bad, aww." he's cooing and it's doing nothing but pissing you off; but the drag of his length against the soft walls of your cunt melt the anger away.
"shut up, toji," you grumble, blinking your eyes to clear them so you can get a good look of the condescending man above you.
yet as he hears your snappy words, toji rams his hips into you one good time, bouncing your soft body against the sheets of his bed. you're sure that singular stroke bruised your cervix. the sudden jolt of pleasure that courses through your body brings you to reality quickly.
please.
toji's change in demeanor towards you is slow at first. he's always been so careful. so gentle. all to not hurt you. right now, though, he needs it.
please, baby.
another particularly harsh thrust makes your eyes widen and you panic. you look into toji's eyes, but it's almost as if he isn't even there. his eyes are low, dark and filled with hunger. and anger and sadness, and pain. that same mess of emotions hidden under your sensitive shell is staring you right in the eyes. empty, like a doll.
"toji?" you squeak, earning another stab of toji's cock into your gushing cunt, "toji!"
"i'm 'ere, doll," toji says, though it seems a bit untrue, and his pace quickens too fast, right before your eyes. he's losing himself in his mind and in the feeling of how tightly you squeeze around him when you panic.
break for me. please.
he's begging.
toji can feel how badly you want it, how much you want him to lose control over you. his porcelain doll.
he knows that underneath your glass skin, you're just like him.
he knows it.
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chronicsyd · 13 hours ago
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I'm gonna be so serious, y'all are remembering POWDER and Ekko and not JINX and Ekko when screaming about how much you "wanted Timebomb endgame over Caitvi"
shoving JINX in a relationship with her current mental state is not a good writing choice whatsoever, because Ekko literally had to keep rewinding time because she kept trying to kill herself. If Anything, That relationship would be rushed and fanservice because they would have jumped the gun in 2 episodes vs the 2 seasons it took for Caitvi and showing their ups and downs throughout their whole relationship.
The alternate universe works because Powder doesn't become Jinx and the two don't separate, unlike this universe where the two have been at odds for 7 years and almost kill each other back in Ep 7 of S1.
"But Cait never said sorry!" she didn't really have to, because Vi never stopped being in love with the girl that she Knows Cait is at heart, the Cocktail Molotov scene in Act 2 makes that VERY apparent. Cait saying that she was waiting for Vi to recover to address Jinx is the start of it because Act 1 Cait wouldn't have even Considered doing that, because she was so gung-ho about putting a bullet into Jinx that she Demanded Vi move out of the way for her to do so. She holds herself accountable with the mistakes she's made ("We can't erase our mistakes. None of us." that wasn't just a line targeted at Jinx to prove a point, there's deeper meaning behind it), and moving the guards out of the cell proving that she trusts Vi and her judgment on Jinx is that apology, Caitlyn has always been an "acts of service" kinda person over being a "verbal" kinda person; it's all over the place in S1 but Especially here in S2. But even after she takes Vi's shirt off, you could tell by her eyes and body language that she was most likely going to stop herself again to apologize for hitting her because the wound was in the same spot she initially hit, which was part of the lead up for This wound to even happen, but Vi's the one that just pulls her back in instead.
I'm also gonna add on that Vi thinks she made the wrong choice in trusting Jinx and thinking Jinx's changed because Jinx locked her in the cell and ran away again. So why in the Hell would Vi go chasing after her Again to be met with the same result time and time again? Vi isn't responsible for Jinx's mental health and y'all saying that are just weird. And I think it's apparent that Stillwater probably wasn't even in the top 10 things in her head being with Caitlyn, she was just running wild on emotions that she hasn't allowed herself to feel like-- Ever. And even if it Was Vi probably would have said she wasn't comfortable being in a jail cell of all places.
What was I talking about? Oh right, Timebomb.
Like Yes, it's shitty that Ekko doesn't get a happy ending considering he's the most unproblematic in the entire show. But people tend to forget that at the end of the day, Arcane is a TRADGEDY. It's not She-ra, it's not The Owl House, it wasn't going to be wrapped up in a neat little bow where everyone gets to smile and walk into the sunset with their loved ones, especially considering the fact that this season's being used as build ups to other stories, it's relatively clear that this isn't the last we're going to see of a lot of these characters. When they come back into play? well... who's to say?
But also, let's address that a lot of the Caitvi hate is just straight up homophobia at this point because a lot of people can understand Mel's admission to manipulating Jayce as an apology but Cait's actions we're suddenly braindead and need shit completely spelled out. like good lord I'm so tired of this. Y'all would NEVER have survived Catradora let me tell ya...
(My next post is gonna be a long winded rant about Maddie so stay tuned for that...)
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chimindity · 2 days ago
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Soft spot
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summary | Barry finds himself having a soft spot for reader. request by @/anon
pairing | barry x reader
warning | reader being on drug and all that stuff :0
A/N | ughh i love writing about my man 🙈
.・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。..・✫・゜・。.
barry told himself not to get attached to any clients, just giving them their stuff and getting the money, and that’s it. but ever since barry became your dealer, his soft side started to grow around you. if you don’t have enough on you, he would absolutely let you pay the next time. and as oblivious as you are, you thought it was a normal thing to do for a dealer.
you stumble your way to his trailer, hammering on his door, quickly getting annoyed and impatient, deprived by the lack of substance in your blood. “barry, please open the door!” you yell, hoping he can hear you through the thin walls of his trailer.
as you were about to lose hope of him opening the door, you finally hear him talk, “no can do, sweetness. you've had enough; get back home.” his tone is firm. it's been two weeks since you ran out of drugs, and you need it now. you let out your emotions, sobbing as you keep knocking on his door. “barry, i'm begging you! just open that damn door!” you whine. at this point, you don't care if you're acting pathetic.
you sit down against his door, waiting in case he would open it. you sniffle into your sleeves as you keep rambling about all the reasons he should let you in. “barry, please, why won't you open it?” he hears you behind the door and can feel his heart clench at the sound of your crying. he sighs and eventually decides to open the door, causing you to quickly turn around to face him. a wide and reassured smile lights up your face at the sight of him.
you throw yourself around his neck, thankful to him for opening the door. your emotions are mixed as you keep crying in the crook of his neck. “thank you, barry, thank you. i—i need it,” you slur out, and he slowly pulls you away, then closes the door, leading you to his couch. “what's going on, huh? you told me you would stop it,” he says, sitting beside you and manspreading on the couch.
you break down in tears, bringing your hands to cover your face. “i need it now, just give it to me. i—i promise i'll pay you next time,” you stutter through your hiccups. meanwhile, barry doesn't know how to react. he knows he should give you a small bag of drugs and let you go, but he can't seem to do it. he feels his heart tighten at the sight. “no, no, no, that's not how that works, pretty girl. money or not, i ain't giving you some,” he softens his voice, finally bringing his hand to rub your back in a soothing way.
at this point, you don't even realize he scoots closer to you until he brings your shivering figure into his arms, hushing you the best he can as you keep sobbing. “it's so hard, barry,” you mumble into his shirt. he rests his chin on top of your head while listening to your usual yapping session that happens when you're lacking drugs. he knows how hard it is to suddenly stop taking drugs
“let me take a look at you,” he whispers, gently lifting your head with his hand and looking into your teary, puffy eyes. “you're tiring yourself out, huh? all that crying won't make me give you what you want.” he wipes your tears away with his thumbs. your bottom lip quivers as you begin to calm down, and you sheepishly shake your head.
barry has always given you the amount of drugs you needed, although you don't understand why he doesn't want to give it to you when you need it the most. you finally take your courage and look up at him. “why are you doing this?” he swears he has never felt that kind of protectiveness toward someone before. he thinks for a moment before looking back at you. “you think i don't give a fuck about my favorite client? i'm tryna lead you to the right path, kid, and drugs ain't the right one.” he smiles at you in a comforting way, gently running his fingers through your hair.
you sniffle and slowly rest your face against his chest, accepting the fact that he won't give you any drugs anymore. “do you think it's normal that i always feel safe with you?” you look up at him, his arms caging you in, pressing your body against him. he chuckles a bit as he looks down at you. “how's that? i'm just being nice around you, nothing else.” he hums and lightly pats your head, motioning for you to rest a little before tucking you in his bed. he sits on a chair in his bedroom to watch over you in case you need him.
taglist
@jjsfavgirl ; @nemesyaaa ; @mrvlxgrl ; @tinylilacbun ; @jjmaybankssurfergf ; @mylettterstoyou ; @sweetstars-posts ; @hallecarey1
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pa-pa-plasma · 3 months ago
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you just made the scientific discovery of the century & you want to tell everyone & your kids are first on that list but you can't find them. you manage to get a hold of your daughter & she says everything is fine but her voice gets tight when you try to mention your work & she sucks in a breath & says she won't keep you from it any longer than she already has & doesn't say bye as she hangs up the phone. you have a sinking feeling in your gut & you really want to get back to what you were doing but. something's wrong. where are your kids. why was your daughter not surprised when you told her. why was she so quick to hang up on you. your husband has the same type of mind & that's probably why neither of you can ignore this odd turn of events & so you decide to track them down. the research can wait. after all, the spook got away somehow afterwards. it's not like you have anything to go through but data & recordings.
#i don't usually write like this#i just had to type out the thing that's been in my mindddd cuz fanfics take way too long to write#& PMVs take to long to drawww oouughhh#i think i'm getting sick cuz i'm up until dawn & i'm tired constantly but in a weird way like in a migraine kinda way#sure i'll tag this i guess#danny phantom#obsessed with the idea of Maddie & Jack vivisecting Phantom without knowing he's Danny#& there being a whole slowburn reveal & then they're horrified because their entire worldview just got changed in the worst way possible#i find a lot of current fics that use vivisection always make the reveal happen beforehand for some reason#when the original ye olde vivfics from 10+ years ago like PoT happened pre-reveal & that's why Maddie &/or Jack did it At All#because they didn't know it was their son. they didn't know Phantom was their boy#it's just odd to me that the Phandom has shifted towards Maddie & Jack being actively abusive instead of passively abusive/neglectful#like do not get me wrong. they aren't great parents. they're actually really bad parents#but they do genuinely love their kids & would change for them. because their abuse/neglect is passive. it's subconscious#people always view abuse as hitting your kids purposefully because you like it & shit like that & most of the time it's not#& because of that misunderstanding we have a lot of out of character Maddie & Jack in fics#they wouldn't hurt their son. so you have to make them not know or not believe it's him#let them show a little emotion about it too man c'mon
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fairykukla · 2 days ago
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This is something I have experience with. Please learn from my mistakes and my successes:
I have a higher sex drive than most partners I've had in my life. I'm in my 50s now, so this has been going on for a long time.
As a child I was diagnosed with an "unspecified childhood neurosis" but it was most likely ADHD. I had severe anxiety as well. That rejection sensitivity dysphoria is a real monster; and my classmates figured out that they could make me cry over the slightest thing.
Several years of counseling (and switching to a better school that could meet my needs) later, I had reprogrammed myself. First, coping strategies for how to deal with that burst of intense rejection, then managing my outlook so that when people reject me, I don't have that intense reaction.
As a high schooler, and college student, I had a reputation for being emotionally bulletproof, and incredibly fearless. It's because I had shifted from a panicked, anxious, rage when I thought someone rejected me to a shrug and a "sounds like a you problem" and going about my business.
But that therapy was during my childhood.
Once I became sexually active, it turned out that I was super vulnerable on the subject of sex. It probably didn't help that I had a whopping case of Eldest Daughter Syndrome and had been a confidant to my mother's issues with my father's rejection and coldness, either.
And it *always happened.* I'd get to a certain point in my relationships and my partner would be too tired, or not in the mood, and it was like a flaming arrow through my heart every single time.
I broke up with someone over this issue, because I was certain he didn't care about me anymore.
I got married, and my partner has depressive episodes that last for months. He becomes asexual during his depressions, and isn't interested in sex.
And I took that personally. It was poisoning our relationship.
We had many conversations about it, and more than one actual fight.
Here are the things that helped, and worked:
1. Reframing his responses to help me gain context. For example;
"Not tonight, but maybe this weekend?"
"I'm not up for that, but we can cuddle."
These are responses that reassure me that he still loves me and wants intimacy l, but is not up for sex, specifically.
2. Reframing how I initiate sex; sometimes a spur of the moment is good, sometimes a few days notice will help him get in the mood. If we set a date night, I'd ask if that's a sexy date or if it was just quiet time together.
We are still married many years later. I don't take it personally if we don't have sex, but I'm free to ask for cuddle time, backrubs, or other intimate touch time.
It is absolutely worth it doing the emotional work to resolve RSD. I'm living proof. Seek a therapist, and then commit to fixing it. You can do it, and you will feel so free and happy and balanced when you do.
i dont know if this is the right place to go but im so lost why do i have crying meltdowns when my boyfriend turns down sex? it makes me feel disgusting and like im pressuring him to sleep with me, but i would never and thats not my intention. I just get filled with an overwhelming feeling of rejection and disappointment that it hurts physically
I know this may sound hurtful. That's not my intention. I mean this genuinely, in the kindest way possible but it may be that one of the main reasons you have crying meltdowns when your boyfriend turns down sex is that you are not in a space where you should currently be having sex.
It sounds like you have a very strong reaction to what you view as a rejection. I don't know if that's a general thing or just a sex thing but clearly, it's an issue you need to work on. It's not an unheard of issue-What you're describing is word-for-word something that plenty of people who have RSD [Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria] deal with regularly.
But if it's causing you to have meltdowns when your boyfriend turns down sex, it might be a good idea to stop putting yourself in that situation until you've got a better handle on all of it.
That should definitely start with sitting down with your boyfriend and thoroughly discussing with him, "Hey, I have this issue but it's not me trying to pressure you," and listening to his feelings about it and seeing where to go from there.
But from there, you have a lot of options. Therapy, generally exposing yourself to rejection to build yourself up, learning more about how to manage your reactions, etc, that's up to you.
I can't tell you exactly why you have those meltdowns but I can tell you that some people feel things very intensely. And sometimes we can't control our exact reaction to those feelings.
That's not something that makes you evil. Often, there's nothing wrong with feeling things strongly, even if you express them in ways other people view as "inappropriate" or "strange."
But sometimes, it's something you need help with! Like when it's so intense you're feeling physical pain because of something repeatedly! Or when it might interfere with your boyfriend's ability to consent properly. That's definitely an issue you need help with. But it doesn't make you evil.
Not sure how helpful this is, Anon. But let me know if you have any other questions. <3
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foreverxdaydreaming · 2 months ago
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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talkorsomething · 5 months ago
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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monster-every-day · 9 months ago
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day 71 - 3/11/24 - candle construct
the lighting on this one is atrocious please don't look at this
anyways this design originally came to me as a concept for a regi. like from pokemon. a fire-type regi, it's a volatile ball of flame encased in sacred wax by ancient people. the reason its sacred wax is because you dont have to worry about it melting it regenerates. anyway it obviously wouldn't have looked like this.
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beef-brisket · 3 days ago
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Charlie: You're doing great dad. You've got this.
Vaggie: Do I really have to play Adam?
Charlie gave Vaggie a sad look. It was another reenactment lesson, and Lucifer was feeling more depressed than ever. And it wasn't helping that he had to pretend his daughters fiance was his husband.
Charlie: Please, hun? You're doing great!
Vaggie sighed. She felt dirty pretending to be Adam, but she knows Lucifer would insinuate her if she said anything bad about him. Even if he was an egotistical, homicidal, masochistic asshole-.
Charlie: Vaggie? Your line?
Vaggie blinked and looked at Lucifer, who just looked tired.
Vaggie: Uh- right. Sorry. "Lucifer, I feel ignored and unpredicted. What can you do to make me feel important in your life?".
Charlie: Great question, Adam! Okay, dad? Your answer?
Lucifer sipped his tea and really thought about the question.
Lucifer: I... I will... l-love you- and adore you- y-you mean- s-s-so much- I'm so sorry!
Lucifer started crying, hugging his tea mug, the only thing to give him warmth.
Charlie: Oh, dad! It's okay!
Lucifer cried harder when he felt his daughters arms wrap around him.
Vaggie just stared. She had an idea, it was either going to get her killed or change the tied of this whole separation.
Vaggie: "Lucifer, I need you to keep it together for our family, you need to change, not cry. I know this is hard, but I need an answer! A real answer! ...bitch."
Charlie slowly looked at Vaggie like she was insane.
Vaggie gulped as Lucifer stopped crying and looked at her.
Lucifer: ...Y-you're right, Adam. You're right... you've always been right. Since Eden. Since the beginning. I-I'm not ready for a relationship. Not one so intense and chaotic as ours.
Charlie stepped back as her dad stood and walked over to Vaggie, placing his hands on her shoulders. Vaggie stared wide eyed him.
Lucifer: But you're worth it! And our baby is worth it! I'm going to listen to you! Make time for you! Take you out! Spend time with you- get to know you! Again! And our sweet daughter- the being our love created. I'll adore her, treat her like the princess she is. Treat her the way I should have treated my first born.
Charlie smiled when he looked at her.
Lucifer: I love you, Charlie. So much. And I hurt you, and I'm so, so sorry for that.
Charlie looked like she was about to cry. She stuttered out an "I love you too, dad." He smiled and turned back to Vaggie (Adam).
Lucifer: Adam. I've taken you for granted. Again. I fought so hard for you. We've been through so much in our 10,000 + year old lives. I won't let my emotions rule me. I am the king! And so are you, but I've treated you like a common sinner. And not like my husband. And that's going to change. Starting right now!
Charlie: Oh dad! That was wonderful!
Lucifer smiled at his daughter: Really? Is it good enough?
Charlie: I don't know, dad, but it's a wonderful start!
Separation Trial
@beef-brisket @things-arent-what-they-seem66
Adam tapped his fingers against the table in a distracted manner. He had been there at the restaurant for a while now. Waiting for his...waiting for Lucifer. He needed to talk with Lucifer, he wanted to talk to him at home about it, in private. However, when he asked about meeting him, Lucifer simply nodded his head and said they could meet at this restaurant.
He didn't even take Adam’s idea at eating at home into consideration. Although the place Adam sat currently was upscale and nice it wasn’t what he wanted to do. This wasn’t where he wanted to have…the conversation. He sighed to himself as he saw Lucifer approach. He barely even said hello before Lucifer kissed him on the cheek before seating himself.
Lucifer: Hello my dearest, what’s going on? Why’d you want to talk at a restaurant? You know we could have talked over the phone. You made it sound so urgent.
Adam took a moment to keep his anger in check. Once again Lucifer wasn’t listening.
Adam: What I wanted to talk to you about couldn’t be said over the phone. It had to be in person. Lucifer we have been married for three whole years now.
Lucifer: Yeah I know, last week was our anniversary. Don’t you remember Addie?
Adam felt his breath hitch and he struggled to not cry then and there. Their third anniversary had been a disaster, he didn’t want to go into it. But Adam had would forever hate that day. It was what made him bring this meeting with Lucifer.
Adam: I do remember, and so should you.
Lucifer: But I literally just said that I
Adam: No, I’m talking about what happened that day. Can you please tell me what happened?
Lucifer was nervous at his husband’s harsh tone but answered him.
Lucifer: Well, I do remember that both of us were so busy, I with handling a fortis problem, then Charlie called and she needed some help with the hotel, and I didn’t get back till late at night. Oh and you had that concert of yours, by the way how was it? I don’t think I asked before.
Adam felt his eye twitch.
Adam: It was not JUST a concert Lucifer.
Lucifer: …Did something happen at the concert?
Adam: More like what didn’t happen.
Lucifer: Did no one applaud you? Were they booing you? Honey don’t worry your a great singer, you’ll bounce back.
Adam: No, there were no applause nor cheers. Because my audience wasn’t there.
Lucifer: Oh, Adam I’m so sorry.
Adam: You weren’t there Lucifer.
Lucifer: What?
Adam: You were not at my concert Lucifer, You were supposed to be there. Because you were meant to be my audience. Because that concert was going to be dedicated to you! It was supposed to be my wedding anniversary present to you!
Lucifer: But, but, but it’s not my fault if you don’t tell me in advance!
Adam: Lucifer I told you weeks prior about it. And you always said that you’d be there. But of course you lied.
Lucifer: I didn’t lie! Shit came up Adam this isn’t my fault. If anything you should have told me before I left that day! On top of that what did you expect me to do? Not do my duty as king. Tell the goetia to handle it themselves!? Say no to my own daughter, your own daughter, I shouldn’t have helped her at all?! Geez you can be selfish sometimes.
Adam’s eyes widened at that statement. He was shocked to his seat still. Then slowly he nodded his head in understanding. He was an idiot for ever even considering giving Lucifer a second chance. Taking a deep breath, Adam looked directly into Lucifer’s yellow, red eyes and said,
Adam: Lucifer, I want a divorce
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spaceratprodigy · 7 months ago
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kissing everyone on the mouth for being so sweet abt the new art btw I have real tears in my eyes
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emometalhead · 1 year ago
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I write something like this every year. In all honesty it's hard for me to talk about Chester. I think about him every single day. It's now been six years without him, and it still doesn't feel real that he's gone. I still don't know how to cope with it. I still can't think about him for too long without crying.
Chester has been such an important figure in my life for as long as I can remember. I was raised on Linkin Park. They will forever be one of my favorite bands even if some songs are too painful to listen to now. My own mental health journey has been difficult. I'd be lying if I claimed to be doing totally fine, but I live each day trying to honor Chester's memory and make him proud. He's a big part of the reason I am who I am, and he's a big part of the reason that I'm still here today.
If you see this, please give someone you love a hug. Tell them you care about them. Cherish the moments you have with the people that matter. Listen to your favorite artist and keep them in your mind for a while. Do something nice for yourself. We all owe it to ourselves to allow some kindness in our lives. In words that Chester once sang, "when life leaves us blind, love keeps us kind".
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gardensnakie · 12 days ago
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How’s life? No pressure question ofc, but if you want to share please feel free to do so with this ask :3
Eh, it doesn't feel all that great right now. I'm tired and hungry a lot, but I just have to get a routine together. My sleep has been wonky, I've been waking up too early, but I feel fine then but it also feels like I can't rest completely- I have dreamless nights mostly. And I also just get annoyed a lot, but it feels better being around people I like.
#my father is upset today too cause I couldn't hang out with him#I talked to a social worker at school a few days ago just for check in and in my opinion I still feel bad even talking to her#it's been a rough week and I'm not sure what to do except deal with it and move on#I like to draw still#I dont want to get tired of it#I mean at least I'm doing productive things like laundry and showering#I'm gonna have spaghetti today that's a good thing#I'll have clean sheets for my bed that's good too#I got presents a day earlier and that's good#I like listing the positives#It kinda gives me ideas for writing#I really wanna eat all these positive things i mean the feeling it gives me in itself#I really love the good things I don't ever want to lose them#I'm actually gonna try to make a doll bunny today#I got dug up old fabrics in my room so I can experiment with something new#I'd list more good things but I'd sound kinda weird doing that in the tags#I should probably journal again but my mind blanks when I try but I'll figure it out#I mean poetry and fanfiction is always an outlet#I gotta practice that more often#There still a ways to go in life so obviously it'll change eventually it always does#And it's only one of many weeks so I can't be too doubtful#It can't always be the worst#Feeling the same feels awful#No matter the emotion it kinda turns numb if you feel it long enough#Days are always changing though since everybody is doing different things everyday all the time#Like most say 'it gets better' eventually#I guess I can wait for a good day#I have no choice sooo I'll let whatever happen#Well technically I can make it happen#I'll feel better when I made myself dinner and cleaned my bed and put away my laundry and put on fuzzy socks and go to sleep
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overnightheartbeats · 2 days ago
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His smirk was distracting her in all the best ways, even more so when he bit on his bottom lip. He had to know the effect it has on her. "Hm, that is tempting.Do I get a hint of what the sneak peek is?" Just playing along, because she knew he had mentioned being tired. Chances were, they'd both be passed out within minutes. "You're right, she'll have time to adjust to having another baby in the house. Otherwise, she might not want to share her dad with another sibling. Juju and I were just saying that! I was sure she was going to have a boy, but baby girl surprised us. She's going to be the first girl in the family, and first grandchild for them too. They can't wait to meet her, it's a really exciting time for the Contreras family. I'm just really happy for Juju, to be surrounded by all that love." Laurel made a show out of listening to him, her head tilted to the side and nodding encouragingly as he spoke. As if she's never heard these things before. It amused her that he thought her introductions at work were sexy. "Borrowing, yes exactly. You gotta admit babe, I do rock your sweatshirts. They all live cozily in my closet, safe and sound."
"It'd be much appreciated, it would give me a chance to block the door. Though, then you'd be late for work, so maybe not." she added to his joke before planting a kiss to his cheek. "Hm, the most serious federal crime. Absolutely no touching."
At the mention of Juju's latest show, Laurel could only laugh before nodding in agreement. "Oh my goodness, you're right. I was thinking more baby number one and baby number two, like the characters from The Cat in the Hat. But, ten nameless babies does sound more like the Umbrella Academy. Let's not get ideas from there." But, now she was picturing mini red sweaters from the cat in the hat. Thing one and Thing two, adorable. "I think so too, next time we'll break our record for naming our baby. Even sleep deprived, you are insanely smart babe. Coming up with Rosebud was a genius moment."
Her hand rested on her stomach, his proud smile making her emotional beyond understanding. "Our tiniest cheerleader. Time is moving so fast, I'm ready...and yet, I'm not," she admitted. The thought of all the Phillips under one roof was intriguing to her. She had spent limited time with all of them in one place, but she hadn't had the chance to see Eli enjoy his family. That was enough to convince her that this was the right idea. "Is this how you're convincing me, with them taking the night shift? Because I'm in. I'll work extra hard to convince them to join us here," she teased with a wide smile. Her smile growing when he brought up the cabin in Chicago. "Wait, yes. Well, not this year for sure, but soon, we'll take her. Spending the holidays there with our girl sounds like a dream. Is the festival back already? But, yes, I'd love that. Maybe we get a headstart on our Christmas shopping." Not really, but there were always plenty of trinkets that she couldn't resist. She squeezed his hand, cozily leaning against his shoulder as they walked through the crowd. "True, but if your sisters can't get him to smile, then nothing will."
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Isaac spotted his brother and Laurel walking towards them, and he just waved in their direction. Inez and Emma couldn't help their smiles upon seeing them, remnants of the fun they had earlier. "We're ready, yes! It was so much fun. You should've seen Isa's face, he looked like a deer in headlights." Isaac only rolled his eyes, "I was not, but yes we should go." Shortly after, Laurel mentioned the dinner plans they made earlier, which Emma clapped her hands at. More plans, more fun. For now, at least, it was time to head home and freshen up.
Eli smirked and chewed his bottom lip. "Tell you what, once we get home and after we say goodnight, we'll sneak peek one thing off our list," the list in question was the things they hadn't done in months. Sure, this time they'd have to get creative with her protruding belly but a challenge he knew they'd excel at. "I am too not gonna lie. At least it'll give us some time and her some time to see what it's like to have a sibling like best friend. I honestly can't believe we're all having girls first. I thought since Aaron had brothers that that track record would continue." His laughter rang out as he knew that would catch her attention. "First off, when you're out of the shower and you let your hair air dry but it starts getting curly," that sight always had him staring. There was something so sexy about her hair like that. "Then, it's when you introduce yourself at work. The sexiest one of all is truly when you steal, er...borrow my sweatshirts that you never give back."
He smiled as his lips were still close to her fingertips. "So you're saying you want me to walk slower like a snail? Would that be better?" Eli couldn't help but joke since if she asked he'd do anything she asked. "I'm not sure but wouldn't that be a federal crime if they touched?"
He cringed knowing how right she was. "Poor ten babies being nameless. They'd just be baby numbers at that point. Like what's that show juju was obsessed with, oh right, Umbrella Academy. Wasn't there a kid named Seven?" Just because he wasn't really watching didn't mean he hadn't paid attention when the girls took over the TV. "I don't know. We shall see after we get our first out. But I do think there's less pressure after the first since you're a little more confident. And that was on my sleep deprived self when I came up with Rosebud. Soon as we knew it was a girl that nickname just clicked."
"She's already on our side." The proud smile spread over his features as the thought of their girl became more of a reality. "I can't believe she'll come meet us in a little under 4 weeks. That's insane to me." The Phillips under one roof was insanity but in the same place that was a dream. "It will get chaotic but it'll be so much fun. We'd put them to work the night shift with Rosebud." Laurel brought up a good point. "You know what, that's a good point. We need to take her to the cabin in Chicago. I feel like you can't go anymore but maybe we can go to that indoor Christmas festival. Something to get us out of the house." He watched her get up and was ready to render aid as he got up after her. Taking her hand was the normal and interlocked it. "Hmm I don't know. I may say debatable if he's still thinking I hate him."
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They moved through the crowds easily until they found his siblings. "You guys ready to go?"
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gxtzeizm · 24 days ago
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#it's quite a while that i do a really long rant here#but i really need to get all the shit out from my mind and clear everything inside my brain#and yeah it's actually related with yesterday's race actually#i mean we all always saying that never let sports ruin or dictate our own emotions and other phrases that related with this#but in a serious matter it really really exhausted my mind and honestly yesterday is the peak of it#and the fact is before the race start i was feeling so happy that srg wins mpl malaysia for 2nd time#and i say to myself that whatever happens during the race i should be happy that my fav esports team wins another title this year#but yeah....the race happens and it all just chaos...i mean not that usual chaos but i feel it's even worse#especially after the race#like seriously i should have stay away from any social medias for a while today#because i know how awful the vibes and environment there (and here as well tbh)#but yeah 🥲🥲🥲#like i really expecting that f1 is the only sports out of other sports that i'm getting into with#that i really feel mentally drained and doesn't makes me feel any joy by enjoying it at some point#but yesterday...that's the peak of it#i'm just getting more and more tired of the whole thing happens in f1#and the real life 'job' (more like uni life) doesn't even help me brighten up my mood either#where during app development my group is having a really though situation to going back from the start#in which we had some conflicting on some of the solutions are as same as other one group#and forreal all my groupmates were just fed up thinking about how to came up with new ideas#so yeah it's just this past few hours are just mentally emotionally physically drained out#like i really need to take a break for a while but idk i'm sure#i'll starting to get more and more tasks and assignment for the next few days *sigh*#nahhhhhh i know it's really long rant but i just want to be in a good headspace rn
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la0hu · 2 months ago
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masha broke a bowl by accident in the kitchen and when i brought her the broom and dustpan and asked her if she was okay, she looked at me, straight-faced, and said, "no, i'm not okay." and then i realized she meant that she still feels emotionally abused by the house somehow, and i felt a flash of anger because i am so sick of her shit, and i rephrased, "are you physically injured?" and she gave me another look and said "i'm physically okay." and then when connie asked from her room "what's going on?" masha replied "nothing new." like fuck off ohhhhhhhh my god
#p#i'm actually sick of making room for people like this#it's not me being kind or understanding. it's me being a doormat and driving myself crazy for not making everyone happy 24/7#would masha feel better if i continually approached her and invited her to things and forgave her every time she acted like this?#yeah she would. and i can imagine the emotional place she's in right now is a terrible one and i empathize#which is why i feel guilty for being too tired to do the above. but also? but ALSO???#in her head she will always be the victim. everything we do she will always interpret in bad faith; choose the most unkind interpretation#it's gabe all over again. they live in an alternate reality from me and from the rest of the house and it is impossible to reconcile the tw#and i get this feeling of anger and a part of me thinks of it as me 'letting myself be a bitch' but it's not actually that#it's literally self-respect. it's me being so burnt out that i don't have the energy to pretend this is somehow my problem#the whole meme of 'aren't you tired of being nice. don't you wanna go apeshit' that's about being inauthentic not abt being nice#sure authentic/inauthentic is a loaded therapy term now but it's just accurate. i should be able to NOT do things if i'm not moved to#i don't feel like talking to her. i don't feel like inviting her to things. i don't feel like giving an apology for an imaginary wrong#she can hate me for the rest of time. she can be miserable for the rest of the year while she stays here. i don't fucking care#she is making herself miserable. it is absolutely 100% on her. in any way that matters it is up to her to fix her own shit#i am so sick of this idea that somehow through the healing power of kindness and friendship everyone can be lifted up#because actually some people refuse to be helped. and it is so hard for me to reconcile this with my worldview#but it's been proven to me over and over again that this is the truth.#i guess it doesn't necessarily apply to material realities but i think it does for emotional ones#but even that division between the material and the social/emotional feels false to me. they're always related#maybe the actual lesson is that you as an individual and sometimes even as a community#have limited resources. and while the world's ills could theoretically be solved with infinite generosity and kindness#you cannot singlehandedly make that happen.#and also if the other party isn't receptive there's only so much you can do.#god i've written like a fucking essay trying to justify to myself why i'm angry at masha bc i want to be validated for it#even though i know by now that i actually don't need to explain myself to anyone -- even to myself
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navree · 2 months ago
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the concept of having children being so tied into political ambitions and machinations throughout history means that a lot of people do seem to straight up forget that these people were, like, family, and likely acted as such a lot of the time
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