#I'm still proud of myself for finishing this long (long) term project

[nhasablogg]

The end (again)

First of all I want to thank you all for following and engaging with me ever since I returned to this space. It's been, mostly, great. I've written some things I'm really proud of, and for that reason I'm reluctant to delete this blog like I did the last.

I think it's been obvious I've not been enjoying myself in a long time, except for the occasional few days when it's been fun to write and interact with people. Throughout this whole year I've been trying to convince myself that I can use this blog only when I want to and feel inspired to, and while it sometimes works it very often just leaves me frustrated as I try to make this space fun for myself again. I'm gonna try not to be too longwinded about this as I have the habit of being, so long story short, I'm going to leave this blog.

I won't be deleting anything, but I'll also not be using this blog anymore. I was debating just disappearing without saying anything, but I think that's rude when some of you have been so very kind. The one and only exception will be if I feel really inspired and write something I love and would like to share specifically on here (or maybe I'll just post them on AO3 if I feel like it). Since I won't feel pressured to use this blog I'm sure that experience will be authentic and beautiful and rare. I want to focus on writing outside of this space, as I keep putting my energy here and not where I'd like it to be. There are lots of things going on in my life right now and I'd like to try to regain some control by using my free time intentionally in order to become the version of myself I'm striving toward. This blog is, unfortunately, not part of that version.

I still have a few prompts I want to fill, and a few WIPs I want to finish/post anyway, so I'm not disappearing just yet. When I say disappear, I'm not sure if I mean that I won't ever be logged in. I'm not entirely sure yet how I'm going to go about it, if I'm going to answer messages or turn asks off or what. I think, in the long run, asks will be turned off just so that I won't feel the urge to log in for the off chance someone has given me some attention. That's why I deleted the old blog, to keep myself from having one foot in there still.

I want to thank you for the lovely lovely time being back here. It's not been perfect, but that's not what I'm deciding to take with me this time. I want to remember writing Criminal Minds fics and Stranger Things fics and Red White and Royal Blue fics and Heartstopper fics, and how lovely you were about those fics. Revisiting fandoms and finding new ones and completing tickletober and having plans and ambitions for projects (even though I didn't always follow through, it's always nice having ambitions). I don't regret deleting the old blog and I don't regret creating this one. I think I probably needed to return, on my own terms, just like I'm now leaving on my own terms. I don't think I did that last time.

I keep rewriting this and looking at it and wondering if I will regret posting it. If posting it will somehow flip the switch and I will find so much joy here again and look like a fool. And if that happens, so be it. But I need to post this. I can't keep procrastinating. I have, in a way, been working up the nerve to say goodbye for the past year.

If you've ever commissioned a fic, I urge you to save it somewhere because I can't promise I won't randomly delete one day in the future either, if I realize it will be for the better (I guess the same goes for if you enjoy a fic and would like to be able to revisit it - but please don't share it anywhere else).

N over and out (well, once I finish those fics I still want to finish)

[drones-of-innocence]

Hi,

The TL;DR of this post is this will no longer be a Mario blog, and I won't be participating in any kind of fandom here anymore.

This is for anyone who keeps tabs on me for any reason, but specifically my fanfiction I guess. I'm a writer so this will be a little long winded lol, but feel free to read what you want.

First I want to thank everyone who kept up with and read my story I'll Never Let You Go. At the time of writing, it was my best work and existed quietly in my drafts for seven or eight years as I built and built it up. It's the longest story I have ever completed, the eclipse of my skills and experiences at a time when all I wanted was to carry across a story about star-crossed lovers while I myself longed for such a fairytale love. While publishing, I invited artists to participate in a small challenge, which resulted in these lovely posts (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8), and set the stage beautifully for me to reveal the major twist of the story. I thank everyone who participated in making that moment so special for me. I'm very proud of the story and how it turned out after all this time. But I'm ready to move onto greater things.

And to anyone who has read any of my other works, thank you. My muse is an impulsive creature and I followed it toward many stories which sometimes had strange methods behind them but ultimately turned into projects I could be proud of. It means the world that my random explorations met any kind of audience with such positive reception.

Fandom has become a problem for me. What used to feel relaxed and creatively exciting now feels like a source of pressure. I caved into it once or twice and posted stories or art or whatever in the past specifically designed to heighten attention or exposure to my work. It never worked quite like I thought and always made me feel a little gross afterward. I may erase these works once I track them down. But now the pressure isn't even creative, it's become more or less of a social performance for me which I am not willing to participate in anymore.

So from now on, I'm going to blog what I want to and write whatever comes to me. Mario or not, fanwork or not. There are still some Mario stories mostly done that I want to share and I may do that in my own time, but it will not be with any intention except to please myself.

I think I'm moving towards more original ideas. There are fan concepts I want to finish out, and if I do it will take time.

Anyway. If any of this doesn't resonate with you, that's fine. Most of my stories will remain up and I'm happy to interact regarding those, but otherwise I would appreciate to not be included in the fandom community on Tumblr anymore. I'll hopefully occasionally find the will to browse for fanfic myself, though lately I haven't been much in the mood to read it. Feel free to unfollow or block or whatever you need to do. I wish you luck. I'm looking forward to being more active on my terms.

Thank you 💙

[risunsky]

2023 review

So, was it a good year ?

I think so, I've enjoyed challenging myself, I've tried Beksinski for a second time, Klimt twice, I've done a crossover hellraiser which I'm quite happy with… I made cement for the first time and it was great!

At the 2022 review I said I wanted to do more horror, so I went for gore with all my emaciated skeletons and I'm very happy with that.

September is my favorite of all.

Outside of my fanart world, my biggest freelance achievement has been completing a big comic commission on time and now that the book is out and I've had good feedback from both commissioners and readers I'm relieved and quite proud. It's been a stressful time so it's nice to see that it hasn't all been for nothing. So, even though I'll never stop considering myself as a learner and experimenting with new things, I think that this year I've finally managed to settle on a style, or a range of styles, that I like and that I think I'll stick with for a long time. I've been drawing for a very long time but this is the first year I've felt so strongly that I've found MY style. As for my universe, it seems that somewhere in the horror area of dark fantasy it is my home.

What's planned for 2024?

In terms of priorities, the gift commissions, yeah.... I'm soooo late. I've finished one, but two are still on hold, and have been for at least a year now. I'm terribly sorry about that, because I haven't been overwhelmed like that for a long time, and I intend to sort it out as soon as possible.

It should also be the year I finish the Goya remake. Ideally, I'd like to finish in February because that's my birthday month, or March because that's the anniversary of my discovery of Ghost.

For the rest, don't take it as a promise, because I tend to let myself be carried along by my desires and they are constantly changing. For example, I was planning great things with Nunussy but the poor thing was left on the side of the road. My interest in it just died. it seems that shipping characters and writing an alternative universe for them is not my thing. I have at least 3 shorts comics ideas, more or less ghost related but always mixed with something else. I really really want to work on it but it's a lot of work and this year I need money, like more than usual so I don't know... I also want to do Bloodborne fanart.

The fails

I haven't kept to my plan to draw the other characters in the Ghost lore, oopsy. I still haven't had the time to open any commissions, but last year was really special, working on a big contract that kept me busy for months and that was something new, it was stressful enough. 2024 should be different. I had to show a bit more of my traditional technique, let's say I do it with the Goya project, it's a semi-failure.

Not really a failure: I still haven't come up with a design for an official t-shirt. I think that's because I'm more of an illustrator than a designer and for a good design I need to find a special thing. It's not a big deal for me, just, if it happens it's cool, if not, well, not the end of the world.

To finish

I'd like to thank all those who follow me and who like and share my drawings, including those who remain silent in the shadows - I'm myself a lurker so I understand! Of course, a huge thank you to those who have supported me on ko-fi, it's the first time I've tried this system and I'm happy to have had some support pretty quickly!

my apologies if there are any English mistakes in this text, which is still too long

Have a great festive season!

[guqin-and-flute]

ALRIGHT. I've decided. I have officially moved Holding Me Holding You to my finished 3zun AU documents! 🌈✨🎉

Narratively, I'm too pleased with the full circleness of this last chapter to have this be anything but the end of this particular fic. The comfort--THE IMMEDIATE, NOT REALLY TIME SKIPPED COMFORT, I PROMISE YOU I'M FIXING IT--will now be in the next fic because it will structurally be different and serve a different narrative purpose in the overarching story.

I hope no one feels bait and switched by me having labeled this as hurt/comfort initially as the comfort doesn't really balance it, but I'll try to rectify the tags on Ao3 to reflect the journey the fic took!

I'm SO fucking happy and proud that I finished my first long form, multi chapter fic. It's a goal I've struggled to achieve my whole writing life (which started in like 2nd grade). I have honestly never officially finished a long term writing project. I wasn't sure I could do it (mostly for ADHD reasons but also others, as well). So closing this off here is proof to myself that I CAN. It took uhhh several years but I can!

I may look back and be less than happy with pacing or structure, sooner or later, but what's important to me right now is the proof that I did it.

The comfort and Nieyao meeting A-Fu fic will be set at most a week later (as A-Yao and Da-ge will get moving pretty quick once they hear the news that oops they have a son) and will be a multi perspective, h/c, what-happens-next fic. It will have some angst because it's 3zun (and middays 3zun, at that) but nowhere NEAR the level of Holding Me Holding You. I mean for it to be a softer recovery, where are we at now fic.(Also probably much shorter but I know better than to promise THAT anymore 😭)

Thank you so much for all of your continued support and love of this AU! Your tags, your comments, your asks, your theories, art, and ideas are all huge boosts to keeping me going. The fact that you read and like it at all is still so, so awesome to me.

I intend to finish my streak of finishing long form chapter docs and this is the first step of doing it, which is oddly healing from past internal narratives I've assumed about myself and my abilities. I'm gonna finish what I have planned in these AUs, damnit!!

So thank you for coming along with me this far and I hope to see you at the finish line! ❤️

[where-pain-is-so-pretty]

The Stars In Your Eyes

Pairing: Olli x Reader

Category: Fluff

Word Count: 1,443 Notes:

This is the first full fic I wrote since Feburary It's rather short and surely not my best work but I'm still proud of myself for finishing it. Also, I'm grateful to be part of this fandom project, thank you for the opportunity and thx for kinda getting me back into writing <3 Can't wait to see what you all came up with!)

"Let's go home." you are already half asleep when you hear your boyfriend's suggestions. His hand softly caresses your arm to wake you up, and when you feel him kiss the top of your hair you force yourself to open your tired eyes.

You had spent the night at Niko's place with some friends, eating dinner, drinking wine, and sharing old and new stories. And you would have loved to take part in the conversations for longer but at some point sleep had taken over, turning your brain into much, and working too slowly to form a coherent sentence or understand references. Olli had noticed half an hour ago and suggested going home but you had shrugged it off, he was deep into a conversation with Joonas and you were cuddled to his side, your head resting on his shoulder. You listened to their nerd talk about guitar pedals and tunings, none of their words reached your brain but you found comfort in Olli's voice and his calming presence made you feel safe. So, you didn't fight it when your heavy eyes closed on their own accord.

You nod as an answer, throwing Joonas, across from you an apologetic look. Olli takes the last gulp of red wine from his glass before standing up and offering you a hand, which you accept gladly. Your bones are heavy and your head is drowsy with sleep. You said your goodbyes to the remaining guests and slipped into your coats before stepping outside. The nightly air is crispy and you press yourself closer to Olli, who has wrapped an arm around you.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you,". The cold brought your mind back to life, and you wished you could have stayed for longer but every cell in your body was screaming for sleep now. "Don't be, I'm pretty tired as well.", he remarks in a soft voice. You are about to make a joke about him being always tired but that is when something else catches your attention. The bright Christmas decorations of the mall across from you. Fairy lights in different colors, blinking snowflakes and stars. Stars. You stop in your tracks and raise your head to the sky. A hollow feeling builds in your chest when you a greeted by an empty yellowish-grey canvas instead of a sky full of twinkling stars. Sometimes you forget you moved into the city. "What's wrong, love?" your boyfriend asks beside you, slipping his hand into yours. "No stars," you reply and the realization leaves you empty for a moment." Olli squeezes your hand tighter. "It's sad that they are completely swallowed by light pollution." You nod, agreeing with his statement, and start to walk on again silently.

Olli and you had moved to Helsinki two months ago, leaving your small hometowns hadn't been easy for either of you but in the long term you both knew it was the right decision. No long train or car rides to see each other, no stressful travel days for him to meet with his band or to travel abroad. Also, almost all your friends lived around here and the city had already become a second home for the two of you. And with Olli by your side, starting a new life had been quite the opposite of being difficult or scary. He was the love of your life after all and waking up next to him every morning was worth all the trouble you had to face while moving.

In the past weeks you hadn't had much time to miss your old town, you had been too busy with your new job, building your home, exploring the city, and settling in. But thinking about it now, you mostly missed the small things about living in the countryside, like taking a walk through the forest nearby, passing cows on your way home, petting stray cats, and gazing at the night sky after a long shift or night out.

It's a few meters away from your apartment building when you break the silence: "You know, this might sound silly, but I really miss seeing the stars every night, they somehow always grounded me."

"It's not silly, babe. I miss them too." Olli kisses your cheek, it's a quick peck but you still can feel his beard rub against your soft skin.

------------------------------------------------

It's the next Friday when you come home to Olli already awaiting you at the door. He has a mischievous grin on his lips and his eyes sparkle when he takes your coat off. "What's up with you?" you ask him lifting one of your brows as you examine him. "Nothiiiing." You know by the tone of his voice and the gleaming in his blue eyes he's lying, but you still greet him with a kiss. His smile is even wider when you part. "Oh, what have you done this time?". You are sure this is going to be one of his surprises and you can't help but find it cute how badly he always fails to hide his own excitement. "No more questions. Come change, then follow me to the bedroom to find out yourself." He hands you over a pile of clothes. You take them but not without studying each piece, in hopes of finding a clue. It's one of his hoodies (you stole it months ago so it's officially yours now) a pair of sweatpants and a pair of fluffy socks. The usual comfy clothes you wear around the house. You change quickly, now fueled by excitement yourself and eager to find out what your boyfriend has set up in your bedroom. Olli can't help but follow your every move, his gaze lingering on you when you are stripped down to your underwear. "So, is it something kinky?" you ask, assuming by the way he looks at you. "No, not this time."

Once you are fully dressed he offers you his hand to lead you to the bedroom, he stops right in front of the door. "Close your eyes!" By now you are used to his little game, so you comply and close your eyes shut. You know how much effort he puts into these surprises and you love him a little more each time. And even though you don't know what he has come up with this time, you are already sure you are going to love it.

He opens the door for you and leads you through it, stopping behind you. He's still holding your hand when you hear his low voice close to your ear. "Open your eyes, love." (In another scenario, it wouldn't have sent more than a shiver down your spine.)

When you open your eyes you can't quite believe what you are seeing. Your shared bedroom is illuminated in violet light, coming from a small projector on Ollis's bedside table. It displays a galaxy and stars on your ceiling. And for a second you lose yourself in the soothing movements of the twinkling stars and waves the projector paints onto your walls. Then you take a closer look around. There is a fuming cup of tea and a bowl of snacks on your nightstand, next to a small bouquet of favorite flowers. On the wall right above your bed, are more stars, glow-in-the-dark stickers, in different shapes and sizes. You follow their trail from the headboard up to the ceiling and now you see them between the lights too. It must have taken hours to put these on your walls. And your bedding now matched the galaxy theme of the room as well.

"What do you think?" Olli is standing in front of the bed now, fumbling with his hands and you can see the light of the projector reflecting in his eyes. You haven't said anything since you entered the room, he had left you speechless once again. And there wasn't much you could respond with other than: "I love you!" and pulling him into a tight hug. You can feel a happy giggle resonate from his chest as he holds you close. "I'm glad you like it. It's not the real stars, you know...but I tried" he said letting go of you. "Don't be so modest! You outdid yourself!" Even in the dim light of the projector, you can see the red in his cheeks. You pull him close again, this time for a kiss. A kiss that tells him everything you can't find the words for right now.

"Wanna gaze at the stars together?" "Nothing more than that!", you softly push him onto the bed and let yourself fall into the sheets next to him.

[dreambunnynotes]

daily reflection: nov. 26th ❤︎

today was a really, really good day in terms of getting things done and feeling positively about myself! my mental health really improved once i figured out my direction for the week, so that's good for me to know for the future. anyway, here is my reflection on the day:

accomplishments:

i did my whole morning routine and felt so great about it! checking off a to-do list first thing in the morning really gives me the structure i need to feel safe and motivated, i really love it so far.

i had an amazing guitar lesson; we came up with a fantastic plan for a long-term guitar project and i am so thrilled to be motivated again! my teacher is everything i had hoped for when searching for someone to work with and i couldn't have asked for a more empathetic and knowledgeable person to learn from 😭 they also seemed genuinely excited and interested in the project idea which made me feel so much better about suggesting such a lofty goal.

i spent a long time practicing guitar today after my lesson, and also arranged a whole song on piano which was SO fun! it wasn't even challenging for me to chart out the sheet music which used to be my biggest weakness. it was nice to see how much i've improved!

i ordered all of my mum's christmas presents for my dad (he's not the best with computers so i helped lol) and it was so satisfying! i also figured out what i'm going to make her for christmas and plan on getting all of the materials this week.

i joined a discord server for fanfic writers from my favourite fandom, and i'm so proud of myself for trying something new to make friends and also to inspire my writing!

even though i got to bed late, i still did my evening skincare and proved to myself that i can follow through on my goals!

things to improve:

i am really struggling to get to bed at a good hour, oof. even when i complete all of my evening tasks as early as 8:30pm i still end up staying up until 12:00am or later, mindlessly seeking dopamine. i need to figure out how to trick my brain into enjoying the wind-down / sleep process, so tomorrow i might make a "romanticizing bedtime" list to help myself out.

i think it would really help me to finish up my dream life and waiting room scripts, since i've also been majorly slacking on those. i'll make it a goal this week to finally finish those up.

have a great sleep and take care everyone, excited to report back tomorrow and hope you're taking good care of your lovely self! ❤

[western-magical-girl-confessions]

*Sigh…*

Hello everyone. I apologize for disappearing for a while. I know I promised to finish all the confessions and close them indefinitely, but with everything that has been going on in the past few months, I have just been reflecting a lot. After much consideration, I have made a decision:

On January 2, 2024, I am considering deleting this blog.

So with this said, I guess you might be wondering why, Well, I'll list the reasons. Been doing so for this long right?

I had been hesitant to admit it, but after some contemplation, I have come to the realization that this blog is becoming a negative experience for me. I've had to make confessions that I don't agree with and deal with anonymous hate for sharing confessions that I didn't even write. Trying to please everyone has also affected my own beliefs. Additionally, the lack of western magical girl shows has resulted in repetitive confessions. It's unfortunate, but my feelings about this blog may continue to fluctuate.

From then till now, I always said that not all the confessions made were by me, but I do admit that some of them were my own. I just want to be honest with all of you. I'm not proud of some of the confessions I made. Some aged like milk. Even though I know that I may still come across certain confessions that leave a bad taste in my mouth to this day, I just want to leave this part of my life behind me.

I have been a fan of several TV series, such as Miraculous Ladybug, She-Ra, Equestria Girls, My Little Pony, many others. However, some of the fans of these shows have given me negative experiences that I don't want to remember. Sometimes, reading these confessions reminds me of those bad experiences. Hence, I want to move on and forget about them. Nevertheless, I will cherish the good memories that these shows and their fandom have given me.

I need assurance that I won't be able to access this blog again, in case I give in to the temptation of making confessions once more. My desire is to move on and channel my energy towards other productive activities that will benefit me in my life. This has been a long-term aspiration for me, which I didn't do entirely.

I know I've said this countless times in the past, but I'll say this for the final time. I'm dealing with personal things that are just a real ongoing struggle, and I want to focus all my time and energy on them. Running this blog has started to feel like a chore, and I believe I've gotten all the satisfaction from it that I wanted.

Also, I've thought about moving on to focus on more original projects. I don't want to completely share these ideas publicly yet, but I've been having some ideas in mind.

Lastly, I'm just tired of constantly having to explain myself. I know that I don't owe anyone an explanation and I am not obligated to keep this blog active, but I did. I did it because I genuinely cared about you all and wanted to create something fun for fans of the magical girl genre. I wanted to provide a platform for others to express their feelings and thoughts without fear of being canceled. Unfortunately, I no longer want to do this…

Sorry guys for the redundant posts lol Let's just hope that this will be the last one until this blog closes (or goes inactive indefinitely). There’s no guarantee that I will delete this blog, but I’m just saying prepare for the possibility in the future. So if there’s anything that you would like to save or archive, then now’s the time to do so. I'm not entirely sure if I'm going to finish the remaining confessions in the box or not, because there's a strong possibility that I'll delete this blog anyway.

So if anyone has any thoughts or ideas or anything, feel free to say so. I have to admit, I'm going to miss this blog, but this is probably for the best.

Thanks again guys, and as always, stay magical.

If you wish to reach me (the mod), my main account is @misssakurapetal27

[strymes49]

Happy New Years Eve nestlings! 2024 is upon us so let's catch up a little... 💜

2023 was a very experimental year for my art and I enjoyed trying out tons of new things to broaden my skillset! Not a lot of them stuck, but I think what that means for the coming year is that hopefully I'll know how to continue my projects in a far more consistent way, while still enjoying doing them! I think that's important for budding artists like myself and others to take the time to try new things and broaden our horizons to see what sticks, and I really really do appreciate all of you for sticking with me through all of it. I met tons of awesome people I want to talk to and work with more often, and I'm so excited for what the next year has in store in terms of that! I have so many new years resolutions I'm hoping to take on! 💜

...and one of them is taking a break.

______________________________________________________________

LIke I said, 2023 was an awesome year for the growth of my skillset... it also gave me hellish amounts of burnout which contributed to me not posting as much art as I would've liked to. I am very proud of the art itself that I put out, but I definitely felt like I could've done more.

I'm going to take about a week long break or so from posting much new art or content (I'll probably just repost old art from this year and other years), but AFTER THAT, I want to... 💜Post about something Free Fall related EVERY SINGLE DAY in 2024 (sorta like keeping a dev log but for my comic!)

💜Finish Chapter 2 of Free Fall in January!! 💜Continue my food people animations (and keep posting to youtube in general) 💜Continue creating FAN SONGS for my favourite creators!

💜Slightly rebrand my online presence to reflect more of my personality and content

______________________________________________________________

I'm normally such a worm on the internet (i dig myself holes that i cant escape from and then get too shy to ask for help 😭) But I'm gonna try to work on that aspect of myself this year, so that I'm still a worm... but with WINGS :D A bird worm! A wird...?

Anyway yeah. Sometimes I'll have life issues to take care of, and I do indeed still have a job irl to pay my bills so that I can keep living in my little worm hole of an apartment. If there's any lack of posts or just... me being online, that's probably why. And/or I'm having an anxiety attack lmao TL;DR, thank you for an awesome 2023, I'm really grateful for everyone here, BIG plans are ahead, and I'm excited for the adventurous year of 2024 💜💜💜

[indigozeal]

Game translation project delay

Earlier this year, a game translation project which I had been trying to get off the ground for a very long time was surprise-announced by another team member, with a release implied to be imminent. I'm not going to mention the name of the project in the body of this post for Woolie Madden reasons—I don't think we should have tempted the Fates then, and I don't think we should any further—but if you've happened across this page, you know what it is. I had myself mentioned that I had already translated 90% of this game's Super Famicom script, a number the team member making the announcement quoted, and one which I stand by. Yet here we are several months later, and I'm still deep in work.

In short: the translation's the holdup. I'm informed that technical reasons make using the original SFAM game for a patch prohibitively difficult. However: the version of the game I understand we have to use has expanded greatly on that original SFAM game, adding a number of events and much more text—plus a second protagonist choice with mostly unique events and dialogue—while revising some of the existing script. Translating & editing all this new material, in addition to editing the entire script, old and new, for length and inserting it line-by-line, is unavoidably taking a good amount of time. While I've been presented with a method that attempts to create a script for the game using a combination of Google Translate, what I translated for the SFAM version, and guesses from non-translating members of the team, I strongly felt that the results did not deliver in terms of quality, accuracy, fluency, or characterization, so I asked, and was promised, complete responsibility for the script side of the project.

That's the reason for the delay. I, as the translator, am the rate-determining step. That's due to a decision I made for the quality of the project—I want to deliver a good patch, one that reflects the game & characters accurately and of which everyone can be proud—and the consequences of that decision are my responsibility. Given my current work rate, I'm going to shoot to complete the translation side of this project six months from now; emergencies or unexpected developments may change this, but I think it's doable.

That's the nutshell version, and I apologize to anyone whose hopes were gotten up by the announcement earlier in the year. There really isn't a way to short-circuit the time investment required for the translation, for reasons explained at length below. If you'd like a more in-depth explanation, please proceed past the cut.

A bit of background

I've been a longtime fan of a romance-oriented Japanese game & media franchise aimed at women that founded an entire gaming genre but, except for one TV series, has never had any sort of official release outside Japan. There'd been some talk in the fandom of how nice it would be if the franchise's foundational, genre-defining game, for the Super Famicom, finally got an English patch—for historical purposes; to give the franchise a bit more recognition outside Japan; just so that the English-speaking fans could play. However: the game's script was notoriously huge, and no one wanted to climb that mountain. (The game's lovey-dovey, frilly subject material also doesn't typically appeal to the folks who fill up romhacking.)

I was exactly the type of unreasonable person equipped for this task, however. I've been involved in hobby game-translation projects for…well, decades now. I also translate professionally and have worked in game translation on projects for Square, Sega, Bandai Namco, Koei, and others, as chronicled in part on this blog. I also had one huge advantage for this game: the publisher had released a book containing almost its entire script. It took a great deal of time, but a few years ago, I finished and posted a translation of the script book.

Attracting someone to insert this script into a patch, though, proved a problem. One obstacle, I learned, was the immediate lack of a file pairing the English translations with the Japanese lines; I'd thought I'd attack this once a patch project started and I got proper script dump files, but not having a paired version of what had been translated immediately prepared was a turnoff, I guess. I therefore set to work producing one. In the meantime, I was indeed contacted by a few folks with some interest in producing a patch, but I didn't subsequently hear of any progress.

About a year ago, though, shortly after I started on that "paired" version of the script, I was contacted by a very interested and motivated individual who claimed they could use the script to produce a patch for the game. One thing, however: there were issues with the coding of the SFAM version that made producing a patch for it prohibitively difficult. (I know very little of the tech side of producing patches and am not equipped to provide an explanation, but this was not the first time I'd heard this about the SFAM game. I had persisted in translating the SFAM script in the hopes that the issue was resolvable, as the SFAM version is the historic, genre-founding title and the folks with reservations self-admittedly hadn't looked very deeply, but evidently, the problem is indeed a serious obstacle.) As a solution, this person asked if I'd be willing to work on a patch for a later, more-technically-manageable rerelease of the game on the DS. I readily agreed.

A while after, two more folks joined the project on the tech side, evidently with a solution to an issue that was frustrating progress on the DS version. They offered to produce a version of the patch for the PS1 version alongside the DS version; I agreed. (I eventually learned, however, that this would involve extra work, that of producing a second version of the script to accommodate the PS1 version's different per-line character limits.)

What exactly are you doing right now?

In brief: when agreeing to produce a version of the script for the rereleases, I didn't anticipate how much they expanded on the original game.

While the original version has a single, set protagonist, the expanded versions allow you to choose to play as her rival. The choice isn't limited to a simple swapping out of names in dialogue; each protagonist has her own unique versions of events, plus unique dialogue from the nine love interests. (Some dialogue is shared, but about two-thirds of it, I'd say, is tailored to the choice of protagonist.)

Dialogue from the love interests has been greatly expanded to flesh out characterization. For example, in the original game, if you asked one of the love interests his opinion on one of the others, he'd respond with a generic message of approval, disapproval, or indifference based on his current regard for the other man. In the remakes, however, each love interest has a unique set of approval/disapproval/indifference messages for each of the other eight suitors. In other words, where there were once three different messages, there are now twenty-four, each on average significantly longer than the originals.

There are numerous new events and activities: cafe and skygazing dates, letter-writing, cooking, finding lost objects, etc., all with unique dialogue for each protagonist and love interest, making for a base of eighteen variations. Many have additional variations based on other parameters.

Some of the dialogue that's still present in the remake has been revised from the original.

Again: what I had originally produced was a text translation of the script book to the Super Famicom version of the game. The script book was not complete—it focused on exhaustive enumerations of love interest dialogue and elided NPC dialogue—but I believe it has about 90% of the original game's text. With the remake, though, there's a lot more work to do.

My tasks are numerous. The script files I've been given generally sort dialogue by event. For each file, I have to identify the specific event they concern, then go line by line to ascertain the speaker of each line and the circumstances under which each is said from context (as this information isn't marked) as well as determine if the text is old or new. If it's old, I have to find the translation in the script-book file and match it to the source text; if it's new, I have to translate it—and also check it against a new script book for the new version, as certain changeable or user-definable proper nouns, such as protagonist names and various locations an event can take place, are for tech reasons not reliably represented in the script dump files. For all dialogue, I have to edit translations to match character and line limits, putting in line breaks and sometimes rewording text or, as a last resort, cutting it—and since the character limit per line is different for the PS1 and DS versions, I have to produce two versions. (In fairness, I don't have to, but the extra space in the DS version is useful on occasion, and dialogue boxes might look odd if I don't use real estate properly.)

It's a lot. However: it's not that different than what I do as a professional game translator (with extra steps), and I'm uniquely equipped to tackle this particular job thanks to having translated the SFAM script book and being very familiar with the characters from following the franchise for years.

I can do all this, but it takes time. That's what holding up the patch.

No, AI can't help

Not long after the announcement, one of the team members informed me that they intended to produce the patch using a method where Google Translate versions of the script files were combined with parts of my original translation and guesses from non-translating members of the team as to what lines meant. They shared an example—an attempt at an English-language version of the introductory segment of the DS game produced using this method. (I had translated the SFAM introduction, but, as with all matters, the DS version greatly expanded on the SFAM version.) I had not been informed previously about this plan.

I took a look, and I felt very strongly that the results did not live up to the standard I wanted for this franchise's English-language debut. There were numerous errors in translation, spelling, grammar, and punctuation. The English used wasn't fluent. Characters no longer had unique voices—they all sounded the same, and characterization was completely absent.

(I have to say: despite the importance of the other issues, the gutting of characterization was the biggest knife for me. The game was so successful in pioneering its genre due in great part to its attention to characterization, which I worked hard to reflect in my translation. Seeing all that work torn up in favor of an AI translation that was not only not up to the task linguistically but torched everything that made the game unique frankly hurt.)

The Google Translate script is not exactly usable.

This isn't Google Translate's fault. The script files are typically formatted to present, line by line, just one side of a conversation in all its numerous variations—either for one love interest in all possible permutations (variants depending on your affinity with him etc.), or for all love interests who can have this conversation. There's no overt signal in the file that the speaker or scenario is shifting; you have to realize who's speaking and in what circumstances from context and speaking style. Google Translate can't glean the context it needs to deliver an effective translation when dialogue is presented in this manner, and you can't infuse it with the franchise or script knowledge it needs to make the right calls about speaker/scenario/etc.

Other obstacles: The dialogue is presented line by line, so Google Translate is going to translate line by line, which leads to choppy dialogue. Characterization is frequently communicated in elements like verb endings and sentence-ending particles that Google Translate overlooks or doesn't convert well or that can be translated in multiple ways depending on context. Conversations also have a number of short lines that are also heavily context-dependent, where trying to translate them context-free via the line-by-line method leads to inane translations. There are more; any experienced translator could probably expound further on why using Google Translate in this scenario is a bad idea. You need an experienced translator with franchise knowledge to tackle this project.

I also don't expect the folks on the technical side of the team to attempt to translate—it's not their job, any more than romhacking is my job.

I would have been derelict in my duty as a translator if I let the patch go forward in this state. I didn't, and don't, feel that a Google Translate patch would deliver any value—there are programs out there that can Google Translate dialogue boxes in roms automatically, if that's what you want. This is a historic game, and I feel it deserves a patch that showcases the qualities that made it special for its English-language debut. If we delivered a patch that was incoherent and characterless, the franchise would be tainted in the English market, and the team would be nailed to the wall. From my job, being the one equipped to gauge quality in this department, I knew what public reception of a patch in this state would be, and I didn't want the rest of the team or me to suffer that. (To be selfish, a poor-quality patch would also have professional repercussions for me, as pros do watch the fan scene, and trying to pass off AI, much less AI that's not up to the task, as your own work is, rightfully, a huge black mark on your reputation.) Also, to be blunt: I didn't start this project years ago to spit AI all over this game.

I sent them an email explaining the issues above to the relevant team member, and I asked to have full responsibility for the script side of the project. They agreed.

There was also an attempt by a team member to use AI to help with editing that didn't bear fruit. One of the non-translating team members tried to help with my workload by taking the lines I'd edited for the 38-character DS line length and trying to re-edit them for the 33-character PS1 line length with AI assistance. I was not initially informed of this difference in line lengths or the need for two scripts. I discovered it only upon accessing the group versions of the script files on the cloud drive and discovering that a number of formatting and translation errors had been introduced into files I'd previously edited, some rather basic: the Japanese verb for "to eat" had been mistaken for the one meaning "to rest," for instance. Upon inquiring, I discovered what had happened, and as a result, it was clarified that I would be handling editing for both versions and reworking the files affected to restore the translation and remove the errors produced. I appreciate the attempt to alleviate my workload, but there's by nature a hard linguistic wall involved with editing, and the attempt just created more work.

So the other team members have experimented with using AI, but it hasn't produced anything usable—honestly, it just kind of screws up everything it touches. (If I'd been aware of the attempts to use AI on the project beforehand, I would have reached out and explained why they wouldn't have worked.) I'll state right now that my vision for this patch absolutely does not, and never did, include Google Translate or other AI or LLMs: as a professional translator, I have no need to use AI to translate; it would not expedite the translation due to the particulars detailed above; and I care too much about the quality of this project to farm any part of it out to AI. I mention it because a lot of folks, particularly tech folks, have more confidence in AI than I do, having worked with it extensively for my job and knowing well its capabilities and limitations. It can be useful in certain situations, but it's not omnipotent, and it's not suited for this project.

"Hey, would it help to get an additional translator?"

Honestly, not at this point, no, for several reasons.

One, the work to be done requires a great deal of previous familiarity with the script. Remember, the script for the roms exists in a bunch of files with the lines are generally (but not always) sorted by event, where the individual speakers and the nature of the event itself have to be inferred from context or just plain recognized from experience. The lines also aren't typically organized to present a complete conversation, usually going through all the iterations of one side of the conversation character by character. A good deal of the work is recognizing context and speakers for the lines and whether they're already-translated material or entirely new or old lines that have been changed, so that existing translations can be matched or new, context-appropriate translations can be written. You really need to know your way around the script to do that. I'm equipped to do that, since I've translated the script book for the SFAM version; that's a tall ask for someone coming in cold. We tried it previously, and it didn't work. (It also helps if you have previous familiarity with the characters and how they speak, not only to identify when they're speaking, but to translate what they're saying in a character-appropriate manner. The latter isn't impossible without that familiarity—it's how games are typically translated—but it's way easier if you come in with that knowledge.)

Two, this is a character-intensive game with a huge amount of nuanced character writing to reflect in the English translation, and that calls for a certain degree of translation and just plain writing ability. Many of the devices used to communicate that nuance are easily overlooked unless you have a lot of translation experience. (I'm speaking from my own development as a translator here: you can reach a point where declarative sentences like the narration in a world guide or Ultimania are within your grasp but the nuances of conversation are just going to elude you.) Plus: even if you identify and understand the Japanese text, you still have to be able to phrase it in English fluently, in an accurate and character-appropriate manner. This whole set of skills is another ask.

Three, this is a niche title for the West whose massive script was notorious for repelling translators. "Hey, guess what! I'm working on a version that I've discovered is even more massive and interminable!" does not make the project more enticing.

Four, it's way harder to vet translators nowadays, and it would consume resources on my end I'd rather put toward getting the dang thing done. The rise of LLMs has given rise to a number of folks eager to take over translation duties on a project who have just one or two semesters of Japanese but think Google Translate can make up for the rest. (You might say, "hold on, you just mentioned that this project repels translators; why would someone like that sign up for this?", but that's kind of the thing: it'd attract those who don't know enough to know what they're getting into.) In a conversation- and context-heavy project like this, where AI is going to fall down hard, those people are going to hit a wall very quickly, which leads to difficult conversations that I'd really rather not have—but would have to have, since I'm the translator who started this whole thing, and it's my responsibility to deliver a quality product.

Furthermore, a lot of this can be difficult to communicate to the type of people who would be most enthusiastic about AI at the present moment. I love you, tech people. I love you. But I have gotten the impression over the years that some tech folks in the rom-patching scene regard translators and translations as kind of valueless and interchangeable because, you know, words are all the same, who really cares. It's already an uphill battle to convince some folks that words, the type of words you use, matter, and I'm afraid my forces are already fully engaged on one front (the script itself).

Even if the volunteer were heaven-sent, due diligence in ascertaining their divine status would take a lot of energy, and after the stumbles we've had, I just want to get this done, and just want to rely on a method I know from experience will work instead of chasing down more blind alleys.

Real-life issues! We've got real-life issues here!

I will also note, by way of explanation, that I have had a number of personal things happen that have resulted in delays on my end, which I will recite here for entertainment's sake: I got bronchitis twice in succession (I had it for a week, got better for a week, and then got it again, worse, for another week) and became as sick as I've been in my adult life. There's been an issue with a property in my family to which I've had to tend, involving lawyers extensively. I got an opportunity this year to work professionally on one of the most storied franchises in gaming, to which I had to dedicate a suitable amount of time, as well as other professional translation projects that demanded my attention. I've had to travel extensively for personal reasons, and not fun, vacation-type travel—travel that involved a good deal of work, physical and professional. I had fallout from a client who wanted me to cheat on my taxes to cover for an accounting issue on their end and submitted falsified documents to the IRS. Also, after a lifetime of avoiding, by luck or otherwise, such situations, I have had a problem with being harassed by not one but two completely unrelated individuals, one of whom became physically violent with me. (Not very successfully, but the attempt itself was disturbing.)

To paraphrase from Jurassic Park, I'm sure, dear reader, you are sorry for my problems, but they are my problems. But I recite this to communicate it's not been all Lazy Translator Fun Time over here, and at times, though my spirit has been willing to work on this translation, my schedule has been weak. Or too strong, rather. This doesn't make the delay go down any more easily, but it has been a practical concern.

---

So that's the status report. In brief: I'm asking for six months to get this done, AI-free, and I thank you for your patience (both with the delay and in reading this).

[hueynomure]

top 5 fics you've written!!

Ooo, that's a tricky one! I'm only gonna consider finished Ao3 autonomous fics - there's so many WIPs in my folders, so many enticing ideas that haven't turned into real fics (yet)... I've also written quite a bit for the Magic: Expanded Multiverse project (Magic the Gathering fics, but keeping the worldbuilding roots and giving a wide berth to canon) and permutations of my own OCs there, but calling most of them - and especially my fave to write - fully autonomous fics would be a bit disingenuous, I feel. I'm still pretty proud of those, though.

So, without further ado and in no particular order, these are the 5 fics that come to mind right now when I think of being the best for me, in combined terms of quality and importance for myself and my growth as a writer:

Dragon's Blood: a classic fairy tale about princes, dragons and maidens fair... with a twist. I've had a lot of fun, experimenting with the narrative tone! The connection with the original media is practically nonexistent - a wink to a certain character of the aforementioned MtG fan project.

The Antlion's Den: A Naruto recursive fanfic. I have an undying appreciation for what @jumpingjacktrash did for me just by existing and posting his stories, so when I had the inspiration to make recursive fics of his work I jumped at the chance to... return the favor, in a sense? The Antlion's Den is the meatier of the two fic, featuring his OC being cute, my OC being a bastard and a bigass fight at the end... when he said it was the best recursive fic he had ever received it easily made my week - I still smile at the thought.

Farewell gifts: This is a shared spot with Breaking Point and Woven In, really - they are my first steps in the Miraculous "fanficdom", but while Breaking Point features one of my best tropes ever and it's my very first ML (and Loveybug!) fic, Farewell Gifts features the Mariwalker post-reveal scene I wrote in THREE DIFFERENT FICS (wtf) and most importantly it was the first time I tried to engage a sweet, adorable teenage romance on its terms - I'm way more used to write gritty fights, bitchy dialogue and angst.

Undercover: the first smut I publicly shared! It was so exciting, to explore this whole new genre, weaving fluff and smut with no further goal than indulging my writing itch! And the response was incredible, it gave me so much confidence to continue and eventually write Augmentation and its continuation, which I'm pretty sure I'll finish writing at some point. Speaking of long-awaited conclusions...

Are Hexagon Square Dances a Thing?: if you had asked me a few weeks ago, this wouldn't have made the cut. I was so excited to join in @asukiess's Valentine Week celebration of Loveybug, figuring out a way to use all the LoveyWeek prompts to build some sort of plot (with @mostmagical's amazing help) and daily posting was so much fun! ...until it came to a jarring stop. The very last chapter got stuck in my brain sideways, and it took me EIGHT MONTHS to get through it. It soured the whole memory of that delightful week for me, so I'm glad I was able to finish it. To keep with the First Times theme, this was the first fandom event I joined in my life! And except for that snag at the end, I had a grand time.

Thank you for the ask! It was cool, to look back at my work this way 💜

[gaviicreates]

2024 Intentions

Hiya fellow crafters! I hope your first week of 2024 has been fruitful and inspiring, or if needed, relaxing and perfect for a reset. For me, it's been a bit of both, and I'm abysmally late on whatever we do for the switch over of years.

I thought about doing a "what I made in 2023" but I realized I didn't make very good notes or take very good pictures for such a task. There's also a lot I am proud of, and each project was special for different reasons. But as the last few days have passed, I also moved on from looking backward. So instead, I want to switch over the year by looking to 2024.

I'm not into planning too much of my crafting month by month, but I do have a few WIPs going and scheduled, plus some longer term projects I am very excited for.

Carry over WIPs Carrying over from 2023, I have two main projects and some doilies.

I actually caught up on my sky blanket a few days ago. Granted, I have to weave in ends still - so many ends - but I'm proud of myself for keeping up with it, thus far. As a reminder, this is like a temperature blanket, but I'm basing my colors off of the coloring of the sky: sunny or partly cloudy or overcast or snowing, for a few examples. This project will finish up in October (since I am running it a year between an important date) and I have November and December for final touches like ends and borders.

Also from 2023, I have a start to a knit sock, which I'd like to finish by St. Paddy's Day since it's all about the green.

Of doilies, officially, I have three to complete, and they've been started. I've had to buy some additional stock for one of them, which will take time to come in. I'll fit doilies in as I can, and as I get requests.

New and Current:

I have a drop-in gift I started in tunisian crochet. If you saw my sunday stitchin', that burnt amber is the start to this project. Since it's a gift, I won't share too much about this, but the goal for this one is for it to be a "January" project.

This next one I am VERY excited for, and it'll be a long term project.

This past year, FFXIV has been a huge comfort and challenge, and I've come to love the stories and characters. I am calling this one my "of the Seventh Dawn" blanket, and I've selected a hand-dyed colorway for each of the NPC Scions, plus a color for my own Warrior of Light and my husband's. In total, I'll have 14 different colors, which are all different. I expect this one will be as chaotic as a mystery advent, but each of the colors will mean something to us. It's a subtle nod, but I've spent a lot of time investigating colors and making the selections. I am still working out the pattern and size I'd like to make this, but I've gotten the yarn on order and I can't wait to share them.

#ffxiv blanket for this one

Blogging

Finally, in the space of this blog, I'd like to be a bit more active with writing and sharing my progress. I have a yarn subscription for this year that's through Fangirl Fibers (90s Cinematic Tonals), so I'll have some exciting, surprise acquisitions which will hopefully allow me to work through some of this stash.

[welcome-to-the-petting-zoo]

Looking back on my life now, I'm seeing how formative it was to me to follow this blog. You presented challenging texts on psychology and queer activism, and gave me an example of a polyamorous life far richer than I could allow myself to imagine. From the bottom of my heart: Thank you. I wish you well. Thank you. How are you doing? Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you

Hi Frozenbasalt!! Cat ( @neuroglitch ) here! Thank you so much for this wonderful message! It means the world to me - us - that this blog was able to provide you with something that was helpful and formative to you ❤️ I sent it in the group chat and it's much appreciated!

While none of us have been very active on this blog, nor have we been making updates to the podcast for years by now, it's not because we aren't doing well, it's just that other projects took precedence and in some ways it's hard to come back to something like this years later, when everything has changed but also everything is the same. Also there definitely have been some rough patches of life where the energy just hasn't been there. But running this blog + making the podcast is a very dear memory to me and I'm so proud and happy to hear that it was helpful to someone!

I still live with Moose and Hound+TP&Co. Moose ( @moose-mousse ) finished his education and got a job as an engineer. The firm is kinda crazy, but hey, they pay him, so that's good :p He's doing a lot better overall now that uni isn't constantly fucking him over anymore.

I finished my education as a psychologist, but ended up on disability pension for now. I'm working hard on making time for my own projects and dreams, but it's a work in progress, especially as I've been struggling a lot with negative symptoms and/or executive dysfunction for a while.

Hound and TP are now more of a collective than they used to be (lots of new and old faces) but at the same time they also have less in terms of dissociative amnesiac barriers between them, and can better be described as a collective rather than two very seperate people who never get to hang out. This past year they've gotten back into driving around the countryside on a scooter, and they have collected an infinite amount of pebbles. Also he's 2 years on T!

The wonderful Bear ( @prygelknabe ) has found work helping students with special needs get through high school. They are on a type of partial disability called flex job, where they work 18 hours but get paid full-time. They are also rediscovering their kink social life and figuring out how to live their best life!

Bat ( @the-life-of-bat ) is learning how to draw, making a comic, doing an internship at a comic book store and more. She has long since recovered fully from surgery and it's been awesome to see her grow. And it's been great for the two of us to be able to meet each other on more equal footing ❤️

Katten is still going strong at @compassionatereminders , bless her - she was broken up with by her long-term bf, but as a result, she is also having a glowup bc dude was kinda .. uninspiring. She went down in medication, has had more energy as a result, and now she's starting to get involved with the local political scene and stuff!

and Lynx is trying to get back to the job market after a lengthy battle with her mental health + immigration services trying to throw her out of the country. Definitely early stages of picking things back up, but there's a momentum now and there's a sense of depression lifting.

This all to say, that yes, ofc we are all facing challenges, and have been as well, but there's good to be found in everyone's narrative too, and we are still in each other's lives, and there's love and care to go around!

I hope you are also doing well! I'm always happy to see you in my notifications, and this message means a lot to me. Thank you for sharing!

[mrssimply]

💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

Awww! Thank youuuu! It's a nice game and I won't pass an opportunity to rant about my fics ahah.

My favorites works are my two less popular fics.

The first one is To the Day I die, which is the final installment of my "Johnny goes to therapy" series. I started the series when I opened prompts something like two years ago. After that, I got inspired by @rockerboyrepo's series "difficult to love" and wrote a follow-up where Johnny 1) propose to Kerry and 2) doesn't die in the tower in 2023.

Now, I realize how out of character Johnny proposing to Kerry can sound, but it was the challenge: to make it believable and I think i kinda nailed that ;).

To the Day I Die was inspired by the feelings I got from listening to Zeit, from Ramstein (it has very little to do with the fic otherwise). I was also in a phase where I was obsessed with Johnny pinning for Kerry (Lindechir and Thedevilchicken's fics are to blame, thanks to their amazing fics!). To the Day I Die happens ten year after the previous one, and they're at a point in their relationship where their marriage falls appart, predictably. What I liked about writing this one was playing with a Johnny that is slightly less angry than the one we know, but a lot more depressed. He tries to do the right thing, even if it kills him and also, "the right thing" is absolutely not the actual right thing, of course.

I wrote that fic "delicately", like I suppose one can write poetry: each word was weighed and carefully placed. I was so proud of this one when I finished it and it was with giddiness that I published it.

Publishing was disappointing. The fic didn't, and still doesn't, get the engagement I felt it deserved due to the hard work behind it. It took all my energy not to whine about that, and to deal with the disappointment "maturely". This fic, I think, was a big step toward really learning to write for myself, because I want to, because I can, and to care less about comments and kudos.

I might sound like I'm trying to reassure myself but I think that fic wasn't really a fic: it doesn't cater to what people come looking for when they search for a Silverdyne fic, and Johnny is probably too OOC, though it is justified in the story by what happened before. So I understand why it didn't get the success I hoped in terms of views, kudos and comments, and now i can really say i don't care anymore. But i was hard when it happened, and I've wanted to say it for a while now, to acknowledge it and give voice to my inner author who was very hurt in the process.

The second of my favorites fic is the John Wick fic. It would never have seen the light of day if I hadn't lived through what I lived with To the Day I Die. As I said, this fic freed me so when I started writing The Leash and later it's follow-up (soon to be published), I knew it would not gather a lot of recognition by numbers. The John Wick fandom is small and consists a lot of fics between John and the reader, while I wrote about Santino/John, a rarepair.

Plus, I arrived late, a good while after the battle ahah. The few people invested in that ship left a long time ago, since the second movie got out in like, 2016 or something. But i didn't care, that fic had to get out. I paused for a long time because it was still hard to motivate myself when I knew it was gonna be read by like, 3 people (it got read by a little more ;)), and I was doing other projects, but after seeing the 4th movie I finished it.

Publishing was... Something. I still hoped, but I was prepared. There was something else this time, too: this fic was precious, and more than lack of recognition I feared bad reactions because the John Wick I depicted is maybe not the one most portrayed. I made him a sub (though that evolves through the story) and someone with too much empathy for his world, where I've seen a lot of work where he's really cold, detached, and generally more dominant in bed.

I was afraid people wouldn't get it, but once again, my dead friend Rockerboyrepo was here to reassure me, and to help me see it through. I gifted the fic to him as a thank you.

Now, the fic amazingly got a lot more engagement that I hoped, and it was all very positive so I'm just very happy! And maybe happy I'm converting people to that ship once again ahaha.

I'll stop here before I bore you all out, thank you once again @bearodyne for the ask!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[paintedbutton]

2023

As 2023 is steadily ticking ever closer to being over, I'm sitting here and thinking about the past year. I think I've finally realized that - despite feeling horrible at times - it was kind of a good year for me, both in terms of writing and personal stuff. And it goes beyond the "Hey, you wrote a book!" thing.

Writing

That's a big one for me. 2023 marks the first year in a long while that I've shared my writing with people. Joining writeblr felt like a very good decision, even though I'm so far not as active a I want to be.

I wrote a whole entire book's worth of words in 2023, and I'm very proud of it. "Worthy of a King" was truly a project of my heart (still is, obviously) and a major turning point creatively. Writing hasn't felt this easy in years. Between the completed draft 1 and the almost 40k of draft 2 I have already written, I have written somewhere around 120k words in 2023, not counting supplementary and backstory material. That would have felt insurmountable just a year ago. I am so, so proud of that!

I'm looking forward to 2024. I want to share "Worthy of a King" with you all. I want you to be able to read it and get to know my boys and hopefully fall in love with them as much as I have. That's the main goal for me next year. Beyond that, I also want to share more of my WIP stuff with you beyond snippets in tag games. Maybe introduce the world, the characters to you, etc. I'm not quite sure how yet, but I'm looking forward to trying.

Beyond that, I'm not sure what my next writing project will be beyond WoaK. I thought I was sure, but if I am being honest, the iron grip Project Runaways has on my soul is likely never to ease until I just sit down and figure the damn thing out. We'll see.

Personal

Feel free to skip this part if you're not interested. I've stopped sharing a lot of my life online a while ago. I think that's a good thing, but sometimes I question whether that's just me building up walls around myself.

2023 was a year where bad things happened. My dad had a really bad accident in spring, and it's the kind were you just occasionally have to sit and breathe and thank all the lucky stars because he could have died. He could have been permanently disabled. Instead, he goes to concerts and festivals with me. He jumps into mosh pits. He stopped smoking. I am so eternally grateful for all of those things. His injury put a damper on a lot of things - mainly house renovation stuff. One day, I will finally be able to live in the house that is already home to me, but until then, waiting has been hard. Very hard. But it's okay. I'm lucky. We're lucky. I have to keep reminding myself.

Work has been a constant source of stress for me, which sents me down mental spirals I really don't like. Part of it is external factors, but I can admit it's also that I don't know how not to care. How not to involve myself in everything. That's something I've started working on, and want to continue working on in 2024, because this is actually actively detrimental to my mental health and I want it to stop.

But when 2023 was good, it was SO good! All the concerts I went to! The medieval markets, the festivals, the just fun outings. It was such a good year! I went to Norway for the first time! I want to do more of all that in 2024. It makes me feel like myself, I think that's important.

I'm gonna spend New Year's quiet at home, the way I enjoy it most. I don't really like New Years Eve, but I do enjoy spending time by myself. I think I'm gonna finish preparing my photo album of the year. I think I'm gonna dedicate January first to writing. In the spirit of the year I want to have. Let's hope it's a good one.

[marenwithanm]

For the Linkverse ask game:

4, 6 and 15!

Hi thanks for the ask! I got 4 in another ask so I'll answer that one later

6. Which game is your favorite? Thats a hard one, because I love so many of them lol. In general, a link between worlds is one of my all time favorites. In terms of the Little Links, I absolutely adored minish cap, even though I played it on an emulator on my phone (terrible idea, the buttons were touchscreen, it was awful. but i still love minish cap). I have actually played all of the Little Links games except for Link's Awakening (I'm almost done with wind waker and halfway through alttp, I've finished all the other games the little links are based on) and I enjoyed them all quite a lot! (even though Zelda 2 is evil and mean to me and hates me specifically, I've been Stockholm syndromed into loving it)

15. What's one thing you're proudest of creating? Honestly, I'm most proud of myself for not giving up on the Little Links comic. Long form projects are hard, and I'm the type to bounce between a lot of different ideas quickly. So, even though progress has been slow and I've missed plenty of updates, I'm proud of myself for still going. Gotta love that sunk cost fallacy lol.

[amaiguri]

heyy, happy last STS of the year!! it's hard coming up with an original end-of-year ask, so I'm just gonna shoot off a bunch of questions, and you feel free to answer whichever you want/haven't already:D are you satisfied with where you're at right now in your writing journey? where do you hope to be at this time next year? do you have any Must-Accomplish 2024 writing goals? anything new you'd like to try in your writing (technique-wise, story-wise, scheduling-wise, structure-wise, etc.) next year? any stories you'd like to start? end?

My Yssaia writing is a hobby so I try not to put time-based pressure on myself long-term -- only short-term goals. If I'm not writing, it's probably because I'm doing something else "productive" -- whether that is other hobbies, hanging out with friends, or focusing on my health! Obviously, at my job, all my writing is dictated by the needs of the project -- so of course, I want to keep up with those.

I am perfectly happy with where I am -- and I have worked really hard to ensure I am generally content with myself and love the journey. So, I am proud of my mindset, even if that, too, has more to go. I have written more words this year than almost any other that I have tracked. I have ACTUALLY made new friends, just like I've wanted -- now I just gotten deepen my relationship with all of them! And I have reached by 1k subscribers on YouTube -- now I just gotta get those 4000 watch hours for the passive income. And eventually, convince all those subscribers to buy my games someday 🥺🥺🥺

I have started to frame my hobby goals as "accomplishments that I have pre-emptively listed". This makes it feel like there are no minuses if I don't make it -- I am Enough as I am. Everything more is extra. So, I have nothing I must accomplish because existing happily in this economy? That's the biggest and most important thing I can do.

In my dream world, I would finish the rough draft of Yssaia's whole 300k+ word plot but that's not gonna happen with my continued focus on YouTube and a full time job and my attempt to focus on my friends. So, I will just try to get to 150k words in this most recent act by July 2024.

(If you don't know, Currently Untitled Yssaia Game is about world of fated heroes and abyssal machines -- born both of Kings and Philosophy --, in which a burned assassin girl must find new purpose when the War ends. Right now, it's a writing project but it'll eventually be a narrative-focused, hand-drawn adventure where you navigate an assassin through her delicate, brutal world after the War annexed her homeland. You'll delve deep into political dealings, your past trauma, and the Abyss beneath the world!)

((How's the marketing pitch? I'm still workshopping it!))

I would like to try to write every day again, cuz in CalmWriMo November, that did, in fact, improve my productivity without spiking my stress. It didn't happen in December but as we leave the holiday season, I want to pick it up again. And journalling or daily posting, lol, I already slipped on that again 😭😭😭 It's so healthy for me. It helps me see time pass. I just need to do it.

Thanks so much for asking about my goals/pre-listed accomplishments! I look forward to a post about your goals floating across my feed 🥰