#I'm still insecure

[mohntilyet]

my initial knee jerk reaction to lucanis/spite saying "family, enemies, contracts" was bad because it felt like an oversimplification but actually thinking on it i really love that lucanis forces himself into this box to make things make sense in his life. family is unconditional, enemies are to be killed, but contracts is so. interesting... man who promises mila that he will find her father because he does not fail contracts. the same man who tells effe that he will kill her slaver because he needs to turn her from a poor young woman that he sympathises with, into someone he can make a deal with. it's not kindness, it's not weakness, he's just fulfilling a contract, and crows don't break contracts. if he kills a bunch of racist blood mages during that process, then he's not breaking the rules, just bending them. a very convenient excuse to be a good man while still being a crow and assassin. and of course when spite is forced into him, he gets out of it with something familiar! by making another deal! something he could work with, something he HAS to work with, because being just an abomination is unthinkable. if he can work himself out of this problem like he's done with every other contract in his life, in his mind maybe there's some tiny chance that this becomes another job that he can claw his life back from.

[sunlit-mess]

I can only take so much, but lately, they have replaced my reflection. And realize I'm just as bad as them.

[lynaferns]

Revisiting an artist account and realizing they have deleted at least half of their art.

Sadness

[shqrkdud]

Every time I feel insecure about how I draw I just look back at my old drawings from almost 4 years ago.

[saltynametag]

Viktor was dying. At no point did I read shame in what he felt towards his own body. It was frustration. He was dying. He wasn't trying to rid himself of something embarrassing; he was trying to survive. I feel like Jayce's line highlights the fundamental disconnect between Piltover and Zaun.

Zaunites aren't fighting for a better life because they're ashamed. They want to make it to tomorrow. That's all Viktor wanted. To not have his life cut short by his illness, to go on another day so he could continue his research, to keep living. But he was met with pity and shrugs, so he took matters into his own hands. Jayce might've loved Viktor flaws and all, but actively dying is not a flaw. Being sick is not a flaw. Being in pain every single day is not a flaw. You can admire Viktor for working through it all, for the strength of his character, for his grit and determination in the face of adversity.

But he was broken.

His body was betraying him and Jayce would've lost him a lot sooner had Viktor just shrugged like everyone else did. He didn't have time to be ashamed of his disability. And he never was...

He was dying.

[conjuring-ghouls]

It's the words that were never spoken that echoes through the times. It's the smell of the burning temples swept away by rhymes (x)

[pickleddandelions]

This took way longer to make than I expected and/or wanted it to.

I've collected some stray thoughts and ideas I had into what I've been calling Shape!Caz AU. The name might be subject to change because I'm terrible at naming things. To be honest I haven't completely fleshed out the AU yet and I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it.

The basic premise is that after destroying the Shape, Caz becomes the eldritch horror instead. He doesn't know about that part. What he knows is that all of the sudden he's back on an oil rig that should have been destroyed, surrounded by people who died horrible deaths at best but are suddenly alive and well and there's creepy shit happening around him that gets worse the more he panics.

It’s December 27th. None of the crew remember the 26th happening, but the people calling from the outside insist on that. They say the Beira D was completely unreachable for a whole day.

Caz just appeared at the derrick at some point. He didn’t walk in or anything, all of the sudden he just stood there, screaming. Gibbo was the first one to get to him, but then he started freaking out and yelling about not wanting to do something and ran away. It’s impossible to get him to stop crying for long enough to explain anything. It’s even harder to get any explanation from Caz. The guy just keeps rambling about people dying and monsters. Looking at him for too long hurts.

Apparently Rennick tried to fire Caz. No idea what made him change his mind, but his office has been destroyed and the guys from Administration say that he called some random guy just to threaten him. They also said that Caz is now banned from using any form of long-range communication. This was not elaborated on.One of the first things Caz did after getting to Accommodations was punching Addair. Nobody thought anything of it at the time but now Addair’s wandering around Engineering muttering something about the engine and calling his kids. He’s not responding to anyone trying to talk to him. It’s really bad for the crew’s morale.

There’s something big moving on the deck that you can only see when looking out of the windows. Some of the deckhands keep insisting that it’s Muir, but none of them have any idea how they know that. Muir himself is currently trapped in their cabin where Innes locked him in after Caz mentioned his name. Innes went missing a few hours ago. Muir is starting to get pissed. Caz seems really upset by this.

The hallways are alive when Caz is upset.

[uniquethingtastemaker]

I think I just killed myself with my writing, and this is only the first draft... I have to post this mini-masterpiece. I would be doing a disservice if I didn't. I'm shocked. I have so many feels. This is going to be part of my Rook x Reader fanfic... It's the diverging path for the Body Swap Series, where you swap bodies with Vil. For extra context, Rook and MC are in the forest at night and are looking for Vil.

He turns around, looking at you with tired, conflicted eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Rook questions.

You furrow your brow, confused. “What?” 

“Why didn’t you tell me about what you would do? I was not expecting that. I felt… helpless,” he details. 

You pause. Why didn’t you tell him? 

Did you think your plans would be compromised? 

You shake your head. No, that wasn’t it. You trust Rook. He’s a fantastic actor and would support you all the way. 

You think about it some more. Then, your face relaxes as you know why.

“I didn’t want to burden you,” you answer, “If I told you, you wouldn’t oppose my decision even if you disagreed. You often compromise yourself to spare people’s feelings and reduce conflict. I didn’t want you to do that with me. If I didn’t tell you, you wouldn’t have to agree to something you didn’t want to do.” 

Rook stares at you with big, wide eyes. They’re vulnerable. You’ve never seen the hunter this open and laid bare. His breath shakes as he inhales. He holds your eye contact. You let him, watching him back. In a gentle, subtle gesture he closes his lips and swallows. They part again, as a ghost of a smile graces your face. You’ve been spending too much time with Rook because your first thought is “He’s beautiful.” 

[thanatika]

crazy how viktor can't take a shit without people trying to claim that the shape of it is somehow him trying to brand himself with the talis family crest because being romantically obsessed with jayce is his whole personality now apparently.

[iamamythologicalcreature]

2024 Round-Up and Review

2024, aka The Year I Discovered I Love Drawing Baz With Long Hair.

But also.

Honestly?

(Yeah, I'm going to be honest. Yeah, it's going to be a long post. Buuuut it's my blog, so here we go!)

This past year was rough. Really rough. In many ways as difficult as 2020, and in some ways, even harder than that. I lost my specialized medical care after 2023, and my health tanked in 2024. Medication changes, chronic illness/pain, and the hardest thing of all was... this idea I seemed to have that if I could just fake it enough, I could make it. Like I could deny my disability into non-existence. Pretend it away.

Instead, I ended up pushing myself past the breaking point, with the worst possible timing ever.

And THEN (when I desperately needed to stop and rest), I packed up my life and moved across a continent. (I hadn't moved since college. So I thought I'd move and it'd be done. That was wrong. Ahem. I'm still moving in...)

But the GOOD that happened last year came in the form of friendship. That's not just a line. My friends were my lifeline. To those friends who stuck it out with me even when things were far from easy, thank you. You are the most incredible people I know, and your friendship has given me reasons and opportunities to feel joy and hope where I might not otherwise have done.

Okay. So. The ROUND-UP is... *drum roll*... Under the cut!

At first I was a bit bummed to see I'd only finished 9 pieces of art during the entire year. But since I am being honest... I know I did my best, and so clearly the best I could do last year was nine pieces of art. So many of those pieces were attached to amazing projects, though! I got to do several collaborations with some truly amazing human beings, and I also got to run my very first fest for the fandom! So I'm calling it good.

Now, finally, the art links:

(I won't be including works in progress on this list, as I still hope to finish them at some point XD)

January: Oh my God, January. I didn't finish anything in January, but I worked on a lot.

February:

Tis better to give than to receive - This was my contribution to Erotic Grope Fest, and it was my first time doing anything NSFW. It's pretty tame, all things considered, but I think it still fit the mission. Also ended up posting a high-res version of this on AO3. Because. I mean. Come on. XD

March:

Three lost boys (found) - I started out as a beta reader for @mooncello's inspired take on Neverland, but by the time I received chapter 2 I was very nearly begging to be able to illustrate it. I'd had this particular image in my mind after reading the matching scene in chapter one, but had tried to suppress the inspiration. Silly me. I'm so glad I gave in. This is a favorite of mine.

April:

Keeping Neverland - (Technically posted on Tumblr in May, but on AO3 in April, so...) Illustrating @mooncello's writing again, and this one was a challenge! But one I wholeheartedly embraced. I wanted to echo Baz's journey as an artist with my illustrations, so where I used pencil sketching for the chapter one illustration, I went for a finished charcoal drawing, here. Digital charcoal, it turns out, can be just as difficult as the real deal. Slightly less messy, though. (I'm very proud of this finished piece.) Also where I continued my exploration of Baz's long hair. XD

May:

A rough sketch for a rough night - It feels a little off to be posting this sketch in my art round-up, considering the emotional inspiration, but truth be told I ended up liking this sketch quite a lot. I also learned a couple things, from both the events of that night (not my finest moment) and the drawing of the sketch (hey putting my feelings into art is a good idea). So I think ultimately this little sketch deserves to be included on this list.

June:

Teenage Dream - I posted this on Tumblr in June, for my birthday, but I actually did the art at the beginning of the year for the Valentine's Day exchange on the Carry On server. I rarely finish anything to this degree, and am immensely proud of it. That said, I ended up using it for so many things last year, I'd be okay to not look at it again for awhile. (I called it "Teenage Dream" because it made me think of a daydream Baz might have had as a teenager - now made real with Simon by his side. Cause I'm a sucker for their romance >.> )

Illustration from The Eternal Life of Baz Pitch - So I'm not sure how I got lucky enough to earn a special preview of @monbons's story, but I knew I couldn't read it in pieces. So she let me read the whole thing. It was very cool. I read it all at once I think? And when I was done I crashed Monica's DMs to yell at her about it. But then I drew this picture. (While I was chatting with her, even, and casually asking her about cherry blossoms so I could draw them the way she imagined them. It was very fun.) Now we're friends. XD (Check out the fic - now posted in entirety!)

July: Uh. Migraines. Just migraines. I had to pull back from the fandom a lot, and stopped participating in a lot of online activities. Boo.

August: Sketched concepts for CORB, and packed.

September: I moved over 4000 miles.

October: Everything I worked on in October ended up debuting in...

November:

Carry On Through the Ages! Okay, as stressed and sick as I was, I have no regrets about taking on COTTA. It was AMAZING. So much wonderful content! It was SO GOOD to contribute to the fandom, and to do that with history geeking? Dream come true. I also dipped into my previous area of expertise (picture manipulation) and did some cursed paintings to promote it. Mona Baz, Stormchaser Gothic, Mademoiselle Wellbelove, and Iconic Icon Simon.

A Prophesied Rivalry - Another dream come true was collaborating with @monbons for COTTA! I loved talking ideas with her, and she was so supportive when I hit road blocks, too. I love Ancient Egyptian art, and this was as much a love letter to that ancient art style as it was to my beloved Snowbaz. (I did a ridiculous amount of research to do this piece.) (And now I have Egyptian Baz and Simon in my new apartment. Extreme Bonus.)

Snow on Ice Illustration - Getting paired with @leithillustration for CORB was like winning the creative collaboration lottery. Not only did they grasp my concept from the get-go, but they've taken it in a creative and exciting direction. Also, we've become good friends, which is the very best possible outcome for a collaboration. (You should check out their story if you haven't already!)

(Snow-kitty also got very sick at the end of November, which halted a lot of my progress on some WIPs. It was scary for a bit, but I am so happy to say he has fully recovered.)

December:

Snowflake Exchange presents More Than a Footnote - I kind of love that I started the year illustrating one of @mooncello's stories, and ended it with an illustration from another! I was so excited to pull Heath's name from the proverbial hat for the exchange. I'd wanted to draw something from More Than a Footnote since the first time Heath told me about it. I completely love Dev and Niall at this point, so I hope to play with them some more in the future! (BTW Heath I think you're one of my muses hope that's okay XD)

SO. Yeah, the year was often a hard one, but a lot of good happened in spite of all the bad. The good was even more valuable for daring to happen in the midst of so much blah. (And boy howdy, did I get a lot of material to learn from.)

In 2025, I think I'm going to focus more on accepting my limits. Like, I can still work on improving my health and functionality, but I really need to try and determine when I need to stop. That has its own learning curve, but I have to start somewhere! I'm also working on vision therapy, which I'm doing on my own since I can't afford the out-of-pocket expense. Still... So far, so good. Fingers crossed!

Creatively, I think 2025 will be the year where I get to work on projects I started in 2023 and 2024, and I find that quite exciting because those are ideas I genuinely loved. I also hope to bring some other ideas I've had for a very long time to life. (Finally.) I hope, hope, hope! And hey, if I get to do more collabs? That would be awesome, too. (Carry On Through the Ages will be returning, as well!)

Thank you to these lovely people for tagging me in on this round-up, and for remembering me despite my frequent absence!

@emeryhall, @rimeswithpurple, @prettygoododds, @artsyunderstudy, @noblecorgi, @alexalexinii, @best--dress, @j-nipper-95, @roomwithanopenfire, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @imagineacoolusername, @mooncello, @whatevertheweather, @thewholelemon, @youarenevertooold, @monbons

And to everyone who is still tagging me on wipsday posts, other things, commented, any of that! Thank you. It means a lot to me. Hello's and How-Do's and general well-wishes to:

@drowninginships, @aristocratic-otter, @that-disabled-princess, @leithillustration, @bookish-bogwitch, @theimpossibledemon, @fiend-for-culture, @bazzybelle, @ic3-que3n, @blackberrysummerblog, @run-for-chamo-miles, @shrekgogurt, @confused-bi-queer, @hushed-chorus, @cutestkilla, @skeedelvee, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @wellbelesbian, @facewithoutheart, @ileadacharmedlife,, @raenestee, @supercutedinosaurs, @fatalfangirl, @palimpsessed, @martsonmars, @brilla-brilla-estrellita, @theearlgreymage

And anyone else who actually read my extremely long post. XD

[kenneduck]

Sidlink BOTW AU where Sidon WANTS to fancy Link, but thinks Link will only like a Hylian, so Sidon tries to act Hylian around Link... except Sidon doesn't know much about Hylians.

Sidon just squatting and trying to act shorter around Link. Attempting to hide his sharp toothy grin and stop his tail from wagging. He's starting fires when trying to cook Hylian meals. Sidon putting on pants... incorrectly. It's really weird. Everyone in the domain is thinking the Prince is having a midlife crisis.

Sidon IS having a crisis, but it's a gay panic one.

But unbeknownst to Sidon, Link has fallen for these Zora quips. The smile Sidon flashes makes Link lose his train of thought... the way Sidon's tail wags makes Link flustered. When Sidon shook Link's hand with his two smothering strong ones, Link felt dizzy. Link is missing these quirks Sidon would show, so Link is determined to see them again!

When Link and Sidon are alone in Zora's Domain, Link purposely tells a funny story to the Prince. One he KNOWS will get him to laugh. But when Sidon turns his face from Link to "keep cool", Link gets frustrated. He grabs onto the fishy prince's face, asking him WHY Sidon is acting so differently. Sidon tries to deflect such a notion, but Link calls Sidon out on all the weird things he's been noticing... especially the pants.

Sidon cracks under the gaze of this Hylian! Link not only sees right through Sidon's changes, but Link seems to DISLIKE them, too! Sidon is embarrassed, and he deflates from the realization that Link doesn't like the prince. Sidon refuses to look at Link as he tells Link half the truth, that he wanted to be Link's... FRIEND. That he thought Link wouldn't want to be with... well FRIENDS with... a Zora. Link pauses, as he KNOWS that Sidon knows about he and Mipha's friendship, so something STILL feels off. It isn't until he notices Sidon's blushing that he understands what is truly being said.

After Link makes sure Sidon looks into his eyes, Link reassures Sidon that the things he likes about Sidon are what are truly him. His heroic grin, his playful tail wags. His champion-like swimming abilities. That Link enjoys Sidon. That he wants to SEE Sidon... all of him. Quickly, though, after Sidon lets out a flustered wheeze, Link realizes how his words came across, stating he just meant for Sidon to take off the pants! Sidon wheezes louder. Link gets more embarrassed and tries to explain he just meant Zora don't wear pants, so he'd want to see Sidon without-

It's great. They're great. They're trying.

It takes a bit more time after this convo, cause clearly the two are terrible with communication, but they reveal their romantic interests.

And they burn that infamous pair of pants.

[pidgydraws]

i was too fucked up at the time to be able to take part in this fandom during season 1 and WHAT (O A O) i am realizing is that there was a really loud subsection of peeps who were SO MEAN to the goodest, saddest, most pathetic boy in Piltover. and i do NOT get it????

bullying him? valid. hella valid. everyone should bully Jayce. but vilifying him?!?! WUHH???? when everyone was up-in-arms after episode 6 i thought it was just people being incensed over Viktor~ but NAH! some people really wanted to hate him! (and how could literally everyone not have been sobbing their eyes out on his behalf at the time??????)

Everyone in Arcane is fucked up~ but the idea that people would see this foolish idealist - this brilliant, naive boy - who's so full of love that he'd rather DIE than be unable to effect positive change in the world... some would see him be manipulated, make bad choices, be blinded by his own place in the world, and struggle and claw to find a way to be good, do good, and save the people he loves~ see him LEARN from and GRIEVE his every wrong turn, and would still VILIFY HIM???? dammmnnnn~

((O v O)) i'm glad i wasn't here for that. Jayce isn't even my favourite character, but i'm dumbfounded on his behalf. i was NOT watching the same show as a percentage of people. and that's WILD to me.

If anything~ learning that just makes me love him even more now. I was always, and will always be, on team: "Jayce did everything wrong and he is still the most good boy."

[iguessitsjustme]

Something I find fascinating about Wandee Goodday is that no one has kissed yet (I know Ye and Cher have kissed but...) Like not a full on make out session despite having an established couple in the show that they could be using to show us kisses. But we get no kiss sex scenes from Yak and Dee and soft, somewhat chaste scenes from Ye and Cher. We all know both couples are fucking. But the lack of kisses where normally the show would have one couple more active in that department tells me how important kissing is to this story.

Dee has stated that it's silly but he doesn't want to kiss unless he loves that person and is serious with them. But the entire show is respecting the no kiss rule which tells me that it's not silly. The entire show is respecting Dee's boundary here. And yes, Yak and Dee have come so close to kissing so many times, but they haven't. Dee has always pushed him away and Yak has always respected it when he does.

It makes me wonder what's going to happen once the main couple does eventually lock lips. Will that open the floodgates? Will the audience get to see both couples kissing then? Or will it continue to withhold that specific moment of intimacy. There's something the show is saying about the expected parts of intimacy being taken for granted and also deserving of privacy and that's up to the people in the relationship.

Kissing can be an act of love and desire, but what the show is saying is that it is not a requirement for those things. I can be completely talking out of my ass here, but something about this is really sitting with me. Not only do we get Plakao as ace representation, someone who wants a partner to cherish and be cherished without sexual expectations, but we also get the show reinforcing the ideas that love comes in all forms with so many different acts and different people are comfortable with different things. And all of that is okay. And all of those boundaries are worthy of being respected. Regardless of societies expectations for what it means to be in a relationship and be physical, whatever is right for you is right and isn't that just beautiful?

[002yb]

While Roy would argue that the leaky faucet in their apartment adds to its ramshackle, rustic charm, Jason doesn't share the sentiment. The persistent dripping is white noise to Roy, but for Jason it's an irritant. It's a reminder of home and a childhood Jason would rather forget - a too small apartment that was rundown and falling apart, all stained surfaces and broken fixtures because no one cared to take care of anything. Jason doesn't want to live like that again. It's why Jason does so much to keep the place up despite Roy's absence because it's not just a safe house - it's their home.

Which is why when Roy comes home and is greeted with that steady drip, he grimaces. The leaky faucet is something Roy promised to fix months ago and promptly forgets about between so many other responsibilities, but he resolves himself in that moment: today is the day.

Guilt and shame are strong motivators and Roy feels an ample amount of both if only because the place looks as good as it does. Everything is clean and smells fresh in a way that makes Roy feel at ease and yet here he's left Jason to suffer with a faulty sink.

The old saying of, 'happy wife, happy life,' crosses Roy's mind and while they're not married, Roy resolves that he needs to do better by his partner. If not out of love, then certainly because Roy isn't sure he could withstand being at the forefront of Jason's provoked ire.

It's not a hard task. Challenged as Roy likes to be, he finds enjoyment in the straightforward nature of the problem and the clear steps needed to resolve it. Compared to the other work he does, it's mindless and it's something of a relief.

That he's going to get brownie points with Jason is an added bonus.

Jason, who walks into their apartment that's been empty for months while Roy has been tied up with Justice League missions and bureaucracy to find his partner on his back, crowded into the cabinet beneath their sink finally making right on his promise to fix the damn plumbing. Jason, who sees Roy following through and preens about it because the poor kid is all crossed wires and fucked up associations about the men in his life taking care of shit like this. Jason, who comes home and straddles Roy's hips like he's done so often in the past, casual and alluring - the menace.

It takes all of Roy's willpower not to react. For as often as Jason tries to seduce Roy, Roy has been painstakingly mindful to not take advantage. Making Jason happy and flirting around is one thing; letting him believe he has to pay Roy back for fulfilling a promise Roy made months ago and forgot about is another.

"You gonna help?" Roy asks instead.

"Depends on the plumbing." Jason quips, grinding his ass back against Roy to tease him and-

Bang!

It feels good until it doesn't. Roy sees stars for too many reasons and all he can think is that this was karma coming to bite his ass for 1) not fixing the sink sooner and 2) being tempted by the vixen that is Jason Todd.

The weight on his pelvis is gone in an instant and Roy groans in disappointment. Just because he won't come on to Jason doesn't mean that he doesn't enjoy when Jason tries to seduce him. It's his guilty pleasure, fuck!

"Shit, are you okay?" Jason asks through an incredulous laugh, dragging Roy out from beneath the sink by his calves. Roy goes easy, one hand to the bump on his head from hitting the pipes beneath the sink. Jason looks both embarrassed and sheepish and Roy can't say the kid has ever looked more gorgeous than in that moment, hovering over Roy with cool fingers pressed to the swelling bump just beneath the edge of Roy's hat. "My bad," Jason snickers, knocking his knuckles just shy of the hurt.

Roy makes a face at him and, just to tease, torments him with a lighthearted taunt: "Kiss it better?"

The mood has come and gone though, so all Jason gives Roy is a smirk and a pointed kiss to his own hand before he smacks it over Roy's head.

"Maybe after you finish with the sink." Jason says, gesturing to the broken pipe, courtesy of Roy's forehead. Roy turns his attention to it, lips pursed because wow, fuck. That's another trip to the store.

"Since it's your fault-" Roy says and Jason scoffs. Still, when Roy holds out his hand, Jason hoists him up. Roy smiles at him, easy as anything, "-come get the parts with me."

Roy loves the work he does. He's happy to do it, but he's missed this; he's glad to be home.

[souenkun]

I can't get over how this is the first time that seiji sounds so defeated (while also revealing a different, unfortunate side of being a matoba heir)... the animators and suwajun really came in to whack me in the head one by one when I'm still reeling from reading this scene in the manga 😭

[agnesandhilda]

when michael kaiser gets animated he'll hit twitter like the meteor that killed the dinosaurs