#I wish people were less insecure about their art

[lynaferns]

Revisiting an artist account and realizing they have deleted at least half of their art.

Sadness

[superums]

she's everything he's just miles—miles morales x barbie!reader

barbie movie spoilers. fluff mostly. angst in cannon event section. mentions of death. three mentions of "y/n / (name)" in total. you're mostly called spider-barbie. no race mention so anyone can read. spider barbie art (i got inspo from): black ver, braid ver, white ver. 1610 miles! happy national gf day to all who celebrate 🫶🏿💗

color coded text: miles, you/spider-barbie, rio, ken

general headcannons

when miles met you he though you were perfect. covered in pink head to toe—'they're like a doll straight out of the box...' he said breathlessly as he watched your hair seem to perfectly fall back into place despite the pink mask that covered your identity.

'that's because i am one~' you responded and he swore he saw a colorful background of hearts and flowers appear behind you.

you and miles are total opposites, one of you live a a life of imperfection and flaws—from finding out your uncle tried to kill you to be known as the anomaly amongst all the spider people & be called a mistake in-front of his friends just to find out they knew all along—and the other only has perfect days everyday.

his parents love you! at first they were a little iffy, you wore all pink and had a big hair due. "the bigger hair, the more secrets!" rio would say as she tried to persuade him to go after someone else, someone who could speak spanish.

jeff thought you were a gold digger (even though miles had no gold whatsoever), and tried to say you're a bad influence but now he views you like his own daughter (both of them do!).

when it's major holidays (valentines day, christmas, national barbie day ect.) mile likes to get/make you something. last valentines he got you this big spiderman plush that you keep on your bed no matter how much it contrasts with your dream house because he got it for you.

your gifts fall a little flat because none of the kens fashion packs really fit miles and none of your worlds art supplies are actually real so instead you always take him to barbie land for a day just so you two can do fun things together like beach and have a choreographed dance party.

he loves barbie land trust me but he dose get a little jealous. some of the kens there really like you and he feels like he kind of has to try a little more to get your attention because they keep trying to show off.

speaking of ken you have one and he feels a little insecure whenever he's around even though he knows you don't like ken like that. "you're literally made for each other." he says and you can't really debate that because it is true to an extent but you always reassure him that you love only him.

"i may be made for ken but ken isn't made for what i need like you are." you bring both your hands down to his and hold it tight. "please don't think less of yourself because of ken's, they're not who i like, you are."

speaking of jealousy

sometimes he gets jealous of you ngl. he wants to live in a world where you can just float from your roof to your pink cadillac, fight crime and still make time for the mall, the beach and girls night every night.

when he comes to you visibly upset about the things he goes through—his dad, school, his villians, his friends he tells you all about hoe he wishes his world was easy like yours.

you however tell him that his dimension isn't so bad—going to birthday parties, to see children and the elderly smile, watching the smiling faces as spider saves new york again—"your worlds amazing, you just think it's bad because thats all you know." you always tell him as you hug him from behind. miles always seemed to agree as he would quiet down after that "yeah i guess it ain't so bad..."

when you're in his world he practically holds your hand like someone is going to steal him from you. he gets nervous because even though he's spiderman he has no idea what he's gonna do if someone cat calls you or trys to slap your ass. especially in new york like what if they shoot him yk???

when you're with him you always wear things like like this[the green ones]or this [the yellow one] and he always gives you the best compliments, sometimes if you wear a dress he peaks at your butt a little when you walk ahead of him but he tries to be respectful!! his mother would tear him up if she found out he wasn't.

when you found out a way to make that peice of plastic of a phone to actually work you made him open up a instagram for you now u just post pictures and close the not knowing the evil that lurks (misogynists)

his nicknames for you are bonita and carriño (im a miles wouldn't say that (mamas) believer😼) and sometimes he calls you bella but he reserves it for when you take his breath away (when ever u invite him to barbie land galas every other week)

your terms are a little outdated because of the time period you were 'made' in but you call him things like darling, sugar and dear but you've started adding sweetheart, baby and honey to your selection after he joked that you sound like a grandma one time☹️

your cannon event

entering your second/third year of being spider-barbie things got difficult in barbie world. [after the events of the barbie movie] you suddenly got villains—two deranged doctors, and even your own ken. not only did they seem to come back just to get revenge but they also get more and more difficult to defeat.

it started with a glitter shortage and now you've had to fight your ken who's become a venom variant. your ken was jealous that you were spider-barbie while he was just a variant of news reporter ken and he tried to become spiderman himself by infecting himself with some mysterious substance.

now the two of you are fighting in a burning building.

"ken stop this isn't you!" you dodge his heavy punches. it was getting super hot and the building was about to collapse. the both of you are surrounded the flames. "ken please stop this.." you tried to reason with him but a strong inky black hand wrapped around your throat.

your pink lenses were broken—you were feeling light headed now snd the fire was making it worse. "please..." a tear rolled from your face to venoms as you started to see stars surround your vision. you tried to kick your feet to get him to stop it but it only met with the hard, unmoving mass of venom.

one by one the ceiling started to fall in and venom could only laugh as he saw you struggling. venoms long tongue came out of his mouth and his spikey teeth started to retract as he inched closer to your head. he was going to eat you.

by a miracle a burning beam narrowly missed you and fell on him. gasping as you fell on your back narrowly missing the fire you turned to the inky black figure. "ken!?" limping to him you saw your other half struggling under the beam. "(name)....?"

"i'll save you!" you put your webs on the burning beam you tried your best to move it. you were too weak. crying you put your other web on it, struggling to move the object.

"(name), go on without me..." kens voice wavered as he searched for your hidden eyes. the inky black substance of venom seemed to slip off of him like water. "but i need you!" you reached for kens face only as more support beams fell from the ceiling.

hearing footsteps you turned around, there was a cop in the doorway if the wear-house, holding the black pistol to you, you had no choice but to leave, no one knows you're spider-barbie.

you don't know this but your universe and everyone else's is heavily connected through the toy line (like in the movie) so your line of toys was very effected by your cannon event

theres mattel branded action figures when you're crying holding kens picture, theres toys where you're called 'depressed spider-barbie' and they're even selling play-sets where your dream house is in disarray

when miles found out he had to call you but they went unanswered. you've been m.i.a for almost three days, you haven't answered any of the texts messages or calls that your friends sent you and they knew someone had to reach you because the your toy products we're getting sadder by the hour.

crying into the spider-man plush that miles had given you. hugging yourself you didn't notice miles come through the portal—"(name) are you okay?" he put his hand on your waist as he sat on the edge of your bed. he knew you weren't.

you were wearing a shirt took from him and you hair and makeup weren't even done. "miles i.." you looked into his eyes, his brown irises full of worry. he brought his hand to your face as a way to soothe you but he's not good at this like he wants to be.

"it's nothing." you said as you turned your head to wipe the tears off your face. "please don't act like that bonita.." you knew you shouldn't do this to him—but you aren't made for this and neither is he. "i had my event today." was all you could muster before you cried into him. "i know i know..." he said as he rubbed your back.

he tries his best to get you away from barbie land for a bit. gwen, hobie and pavitr handle the crime while you recover.

he brought you to his home and had to beg his parents to lets you sleep in his room, in him bed with him, and at first rio almost hit the back of his head with such a ridiculous question

but then she saw how broken you looked. "jeff this is serious their makeup and hair aren't done.." they caved but he had to keep the door open which he had no problem with.

he distracts you with playing video games, or going out to festivals and carnivals just to clear your head.

it took a week for you to feel better enough to go back to barbie land and when you left your toys changed to something different.

"spider-barbie has a new boyfriend!" news articles were everywhere—imagine miles' surprise when he saw him in his spiderman suit carrying you through barbie land. they named him ken carson and made him dominican but he'll take it.

[moonmacabre01]

Hey, I wanted to show y'all my Swap au ^^ Uuuhh list of what and how characters were swapped under cut(incomplete list)(warning: long af)

Kirby: Swapped with Dedede. The king of Dreamland, brave and noble! At least, that what he wants you to think. In truth he's gluttonous and kind of childish, and a bit of a coward. But he has a good heart, willing to step up whenever Popstar is in danger! If he manages to avoid getting possessed first . . . At least his friends will be there to snap him out of it! He's scared of spiders.

Dedede: Swapped with Kirby. The brave and darling hero of Dreamland, Dedede would much rather play and eat than he would fight. But when push comes to shove and evil threatens his home, you can count on him to be there! Always willing to make a new friend, he'll happily welcome any newcomers, even if they aren't what they seem at first.

Bandee: Swapped with Meta. commonly known as Brave Knight, he and his crew are well known and much wondered about among residents of Popstar. More laid back than one might expect a knight to be, he's none the less formidable in battle. He and Kirby are old friends and trusted partners, despite rifts in the past.

Meta: Swapped with Bandee. Kirby's second-in-command and Dedede's best friend, Meta's often anxious or insecure about his abilities, and will turn to his friends for support. But under the fear, he's skilled with a sword and has a noble heart, and people have surmised that he has the makings of a great knight. He has an extraordinary sweet tooth he likes to indulge in, with a particular fondness for chocolate.

Ribbon: Swapped with Queen Ripple. The selfless queen of Ripplestar, she didn't hesitate to send away the crystal shard with her younger sister when Dark Matter attacked. Even after her possession by Nebula2, she remained as kindhearted and fair as ever. After the king of Dreamland helped liberate Ripplestar from Dark Matter, the two struck up a close friendship.

Ripple: Swapped with Ribbon. The younger sister of the queen of Ripplestar, she went on a quest with the hero of Dreamland after her planet was attacked by Dark Matter. After Ripplestar was freed, Ripple became close friends with Dedede and Drawcia. Though rather clumsy and a little anxious, she's full of energy and possesses an brave spirit equal to that of her sister.

Drawcia: Swapped with Adeleine. A painting brought to life by a mysterious artist, only to flee her creator and come to Dreamland, where she started to create art of her own. After joining a quest to liberate Ripplestar from Dark Matter, she discovered friendship to be a joy like nothing she'd ever imagined. Nowadays she splits her time between Popstar and Ripplestar, painting the many views.

Adeleine: Swapped with Drawcia: An artist derided and mocked by her peers, she left her home planet to wander the galaxy. In her travels, she found a wonderous paintbrush capable of bringing her work to life. Remembering the scorn with which her art was treated, her heart darkened, and she vowed to show the galaxy the beauty of her work - by transforming the world into a one of paint. After her attempt was foiled, she disappeared, but the work she created with that mystical brush remains.

Sectonia: Swapped with Taranza. The queen of a land in the sky, she gave her love a gift, a mirror rumored to grant wishes, unaware of it's true nature. Tricked into believing her subjects planned to rebel, she descended to the lower world with the plan to take it's hero as protection. however, she mistakingly took the king instead of the hero, and Dedede immediately followed in pursuit. Her love was defeated and his lies unraveled, and ever since she's been trying to do better as a ruler.

Taranza: Swapped with Sectonia. A mage unsure of his abilities, his beloved queen gifted him a mirror rumored to grant wishes with the idea it might increase his power. And so it did, but it also warped his mind and body, and his love became controlling and possessive. He tricked his queen into the believe her subjects planned to rebel, in hope she would turn to him for protection. Instead, against his wishes, she descended to the lower world to take it's hero for her guard. Eventually he was defeated, and the truth of what he'd become revealed much to the grief of the queen who'd loved him to the end. Never the less, it is hoped he is happier now.

[anangelwhodidntfall]

Hi! I really liked your dad!jake stories and I've got an idea for an alternative version of Picasso (Specifically PT 2) where The reader ends up feeling really insecure and starts changing everything about herself, like she removes the color from her hair And doesn't even do her art anymore, and even begins to talk less and less and starts to just avoid people until Jake confronts her about it comforts her

I'm a sucker for hurt/comfort with dad!Jake lmao If you do take this idea could you tag me in it if you don't mind? :))

Oooh I love this idea <3, I literally wrote this during my planning period so I apologize if it isn't the best. Anyways dad!jake warms my heart, I wish he was real :(

Picasso P.II-Alternate Ending

Your dad was the first to notice you changing and not for the better since arriving at the island. It started with the removal of the pink from your hair which wouldn't have been a big deal until he asked if you wanted to put color back in and you shook your head no before he even got the question out of his mouth.

"Hey is everything alright with your sister?" He asked your twin.

"I haven't noticed anything different about her yet but I can keep an eye on her." He offered as your dad nodded his head.

The next red flag was that you stopped doing your art completely which neteyam brought to his attention. It had started when Tuk asked you to help her draw something and you said no poor Tuk didn't understand so neteyam stepped in and you bit his head off about it before leaving and leaving your siblings confused. 

"She just snapped at us." Neteyam said to your parents concerned.

Your parents looked at your room in concern as your siblings told them about your changing behavior and tried to figure out what was going on.

"Give her some space maybe she is just having a hard time adjusting to the situation." Neytiri said but your dad couldn't help but feel like something deeper was happening.

And he was right just as your siblings told him a few days ago, you truly stopped doing art which made him sad to see because you were just so talented in his eyes and he didn't understand what was happening with you. 

The final red flag was when you started avoiding everyone and talking less. Your dad noticed that you were less talkative with everyone but especially him, it was like you were closing yourself off from the world.

Your dad had enough and was planning on talking to you about it when you got home only when he returned he could hear your cries.

"Babygirl?" He asked stepping into your room.

All he saw was your tears before you ran into his arms and wrapped them around his waist making him concerned as he comforted you.

"It's okay baby girl, I'm right here." He said as your tears finally stopped and your breathing started to mellow out.

"I don't fit in here Dad...ever since we got here I've been picked on about my hair, my art, and just everything and I thought that maybe if I stopped doing that stuff I could fit in....but it still didn't work they still picked on me and I didn't want to say anything because it seemed like Neteyam and lo'ak we're adjusting fine...so I that kept it to myself but I can't do it anymore." You said as your father's heart broke.

"I just want to fit in." You said quietly snapping your dad out of his thoughts. 

"Look at me baby, you were born to fit in. You were born to stand out...the hair color... the art.... everything about you is born to stand out you're not supposed to be like me or your mother or your siblings....you are supposed to be your own person...and I know it's hard right now and I know what you are going through right now but don't conform....show them who you truly are...because the right ones will love you for it." Your dad said staring into your eyes as you nodded your head. 

"I love you baby and the next time you are even remotely feeling like this, I want you to come to tell me, I don't want you to ever suffer in silence again, you hear me?" He asked you. 

"I do. I love you, Dad, thank you." You said hugging him and feeling him squeeze you a little tighter. 

A few hours later, you were passed out in your dad's lap from all the crying when your family had come back for the evening...all laughing until they saw you and your dad and instantly shut up not wanting to disturb you. 

"Is she okay?" Your mom asked taking a seat next to your dad, running a hand through your hair. 

"She will be. Turns out some of the islanders had been making some comments about her and she took it to heart..she just wanted to fit in." Your dad said as your mom frowned not realizing her daughter had been hurting so much. 

"Oh, my sweet girl." She said placing a kiss in your hair. 

"You two..." Your dad said but they stopped him.

"Already on it..no one hurts her and gets away with it...but tomorrow let's spend the evening with her." Neteyam said taking a seat on the other side of your dad as your siblings gathered around you to make sure you felt how loved you were.

You smiled a small smile to yourself hearing all the kind words your family had to say about you and your uniqueness maybe being different was a good thing after all. 

[donnyclaws]

I'm sure the creation of Leopard has been a healing experience for you. I just want you to know Leopard is that for others too. More or less speaking for myself, I mean. I've dealt with a lot of internalized homophobia (as a non straight traumatized masc transthing) and it really affected everything in my existence. Deep down I've always been interested in drag, but never let myself persue the thought without a battering of slurs in my head. Seeing how you depict them, how you draw everything- it's cathartic. There's such a visceral nature to the existence of it and I think I needed that. I use to sneak around to even just try putting on lip gloss on out of this deep shame in me. I'm more than a man, but at the same time had masculine ideology hammered into my head. If I wanted to be accepted as one, how could I freely explore something like that?

Around the same time Leopard came into fruition, it felt like I started loosening up. I vaguely spoke to my partner about makeup, and inspirations, how I wanted flare to it. Thhat if they wanted to do mine, I'm fine with it. That if I were to wear anything, I want it to halt a room. I wanted uniqueness. They were in so much support when I expected mockery. Not because they've ever treated me that way, just because my biggest enemy has been myself.

There's such a cathartic feeling in the idea one day I'll get the guts to really go all out in the drag I want. I read a post from you about all the parts being what abusers wish you left at the door. That speaks to me, all of it did. But I think there's an appeal behind this because I can just be someone else, even if only for a night. Masking someone else over the insecurities underneath. I'm not sure if I'll get there one day, but you are massively an inspo for me. Not even just in drag, art in general. The way you compose and color things I've been trying to grasp and put towards my work since, god. 2017? It's insane the progress you've made. Keep kickin it, tiger you're doin great things.

Sorry I took a sec to answer this, I feel insane about it. Leopard's been completely huge for me, both for body image reasons and trauma processing. There's no normal way out of what happened to me and my body, this is the only way to navigate it and accept it. I love hearing your perspective, I so deeply relate to wanting to be something that Halts a room. Some kind of loud, abrasive, large and off putting feminine monster, that line where sexuality repulses people because you're not desireable in traditional ways. I hope you can start playing around with things if you haven't already, I don't know if I'll ever have the guts to perform or really go full out either. But making art, making horror tropical, making Leopard and doing makeup in the dark has completely changed my life. It's given me a future I want to get to. And those small tastes have only made me hungrier for it, more sure that drag is inevitable for me. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, it means the world to me. ❤️‍🔥

[maxwellsuperbien]

Reminiscing & Sketching

I'm currently working on my portfolio and was thinking about what started my desire to work in art and when I started doing so. I guess other people approaching 30 y-o also think a lot about their past.

I believe my presence on the internet started in 2010, when I was 13 y-o. I created an account on Facebook because my favorite cousin moved there and wasn't on Skype anymore.

I was a naïve, sensitive, insecure, undiagnosed and bullied child. Friendships then weren't very good, I was constantly reprimanded for symptoms of my ADHD and probable autism.

However, I won't talk too in depth about it. I'm just giving context about how risky it was for me to have a presence online (less risky than nowadays though).

Back then, I hesitated between becoming an animal scientist or an artist. I think what made me chose the latter (apart from being bad at math) was the desire to share what I did. I used to show what I drew to my "friends" and my art teacher.

I wasn't confident, but I knew I had fun sketching and some pretty good skills. So I went ahead, created my online persona and started to display my art. I tried to gain more followers in the hope to find more people like me, who were passionate about drawing, make friends... I didn't go as far as 80 people until I went on Instagram, in 2016 (it was easy then, just had to post everyday and add the right tags).

I still don't have online ART friends, I wish I knew the steps to have mutuals become friends in a non-creepy way (I also know many minors are more active on social medias and I don't intend on befriending them, I'm 27, that's not appropriate). So most of my online friends are geeks (Wow ! Geeks on the internet ? Nobody would have guessed ! /s) but it's not the same as talking to people who know more about art.

Regardless of all that yapping, I'm still very much into sharing my sketches so here's a bunch of them.

[real-hot-grl-shi]

a thingy for my class 🧍🏾‍♀️

Tw!!!: eating/hygiene problems, depression, sexual assault, attachment issues, mentions to drugs, crying, insecurities, violence, etc.

!!please read at your own risk!!

Ok we need to talk. 

Or better put it, I need to talk. 

Relationships platonic and romantic have been faltering for the past few years to “situation-ships” and one sided relationships. This might be controversial but hear me out. As a person who dealt with break ups and cut offs over the span of less than three months, I am honestly more disappointed than just mad. I feel like it should be talked about more than o already is because it’s to the point that people like me get literally depressed over this type of stuff. 

It feels like I’m just a rag doll being tossed around for people to toy with, but not to keep. There’s a difference between wanting someone to play, and someone to stay. Love platonic and romantic will be painful. But at least make the person feel welcome and loved until you can’t anymore. Instead of fleeing the moment something goes wrong. 

Sometimes all a person needs is company. And sometimes all company needs is a person. In my school I see people one day walking with their friends and lover all giggly and happy, and the other day they’re fighting. That’s just how my recent relationships were. And I’m guilty that I let that happen to me. They talked behind my back, they put their hands on me, they insulted me. All this stuff, and I gave them nothing but grace and respect. And I was the blame when I was in my room crying myself to sleep on February 11th 2024. 

I put my all into them. All my money, all my art, all my time, all my love, all my life. Hell it was to the point where I couldn’t go a day without him. That’s how bad it was. It was a point where I couldn’t even eat and take care of myself without him on my mind. Looking back at it, I feel pretty pathetic, but of course, I couldn’t just say that to myself. I would need to learn from it. 

Not my ex, not my money, not my friends, but me. Friends who knew each other for a week are laughing in the hallways, meanwhile a friends friend is telling me to get her packet that she left behind. Why am I the one who is getting hurt? I deserve love just like everyone else. Maybe it’s my fashion? Maybe it’s my personality? Maybe it’s my body? Who knows. But that shouldn’t be the reason why people leave me without any thought or explanation whatsoever. I should be angry. Livid even, fighting and insulting the people who hurt me just like they did to me.

I should be crying and lashing out at everyone because I was the one who was hurt. That should make me sit in my room and not take care of myself. That should make me have 0 restraint with my emotions, like i used to. But I choose not to. I choose not to let my emotions get the best of me, like I used to. Don’t get me wrong I wish things were different. I wish I had a loving boyfriend and a fun group of friends. But at the end of the day, all I have is myself. And I learned that the hard way. Relationships are a sacred thing.

 Especially to the ones that feel large emotions, especially to the ones who are passionate. Especially to the ones like me. When I was little and to this day, the doctor said that I’m emotionally mature, meaning that I have a good grasp at explaining and expressing my emotions. When I was in elementary school, I was taunted for that, being called a cry baby, or sensitive for hurting myself on the monkey bars or something. Because of that, I stayed away from anything that would actively hurt me, like needles or sharp edges. Ever since then I have learned to keep my emotions under control, or under wraps.

 Take my control as a glass. And take my emotions as wine. If you pour too much into the glass. It’ll break. But not just that. It’ll break and spill. That’s what always happened to me when I was younger. Of course, I have better control because I’m more mature. But it’s not like my emotions are gone. They’re just better handled. I'm also what my father likes to call it, passionate. That means that when I get attached to something or some emotion. I latch onto it like a koala on a branch. And I don’t let go. If you show me an ounce of love or affection, then I will cling to you.

 Especially if it’s romantic. And it shows. If I love someone, I will talk about them whether it’s verbally, writing or drawing it down, or just floating my mind. And that will just make me more attached, like a dopamine hit. Like a drug. 

He was a drug. 

And it’s my fault that I got addicted. It was my fault that the drug was forced away from me. It was my fault that the drug was taken from me. But was it my fault that the drug was bad?? No. But that doesn’t excuse my actions. The upside to me being passionate is me being self aware about the situation. Sure, I cried and cried about him for days, but I eventually paused and went through what he did to me. And I eventually realized that he wasn’t good for me.

At all.

But I’ll give him this.

He was a good lesson.

And I’m glad I learned from it. 

My father told me to not fight all battles, but to pick the ones you want to fight. But how about if the battles pick me? Am I supposed to surrender? Or am I obligated to just keep fighting?  Because if I am, will I win in the end?

[sureuncertainty]

okay so like how do you set boundaries with an internet friend that you don't wanna be friends with anymore? this is no one here, this is someone i know via instagram and I kinda just realized is actually a dick to me? all the time? and i don't wanna talk to them anymore much less have them edit my book (which they offered to do and I stupidly already said yes)

I don't wanna block them without saying anything, i literally have trauma around being blocked for no reason BUT like is that worse than like? just ghosting them forever? cause that's what I've been kinda doing already

this person CLAIMS to like my book but they've also given me stupid super nit-picky and mean spirited criticisms on it that make no sense that are literally like suspension of disbelief things (also they tried to say that it was "unrealistic" for Cain to not be arrested for tax fraud, which like. buddy you're european and you have no fucking idea what CEO billionaires in the US are fucking capable of getting away with apparently lol)

These criticisms were basically unprompted btw. they were like oh can i make some comments and I said yeah sure thinking it'd be something small and then they proceeded to tell me that my entire story makes no sense and kinda mock it and make fun of it and make me feel dumb

so they made me really insecure about my writing and also literally none of my headmates like them and we get that we can't stop them from reading our book when it's published BUT we just don't want to talk to them about it or have them read it for free

i asked a friend about it and they think they're jealous of me and that's why they say they like my book but are also picking it apart and idk if that's true but I don't think they're like... PURPOSEFULLY being an asshole they just are. i literally dread every message I get from them. OH also they called one of my headmates an ableist slur which like okay fine, it's a common slur that people throw around but it was still hmmmm not great (we are not out as a system on instagram btw)

they send me videos that are completely irrelevant to my interests, they've been BUGGING me about when i'll send them the chapters of silence agenda I told them they could edit (which now will not be happening lol). also our very first conversation was them trying to tell me that studying titanic history doesn't matter WHEN I WAS LITERALLY GRIEVING AFTER THE SUBMERSIBLE DISASTER LAST SUMMER AND VENTING MY FRUSTRATIONS ABOUT IT. and i did snap at them that time and we worked it out and both apologized for making assumptions which was fine but still. like i almost blocked them the moment they sent me that message and now i really really really wish I had bc I feel like i'm in too deep

we also have several mutuals in common and i would worry that if I blocked them on everything, they'd ask one of our common mutuals about it (or a mutual would share my art or something) and they'd realize that I have them blocked, and then i'd have to like. explain myself. and i don't feel comfortable telling those mutuals about it bc i DO NOT want to be that person that's like 'hey jsyk you're following this person who is Problematique' bc i DESPISE when people do that

anyway yeah i just don't know how to handle it and any advice would be appreciated. idk how i've been putting up with this person's bullshit for so long like dear lord i kinda felt like i yanked the wool off my eyes today and realized how fucking awful they are to me

[taegularities]

i mean this in the nicest way possible because i truly love you, but i wish writers in general wouldnt try to force reader engagement. i often reply with feedback, but at the end of the day, you should be writing because you want to, not because you want validation. i dont know if its just me who feels this way, but when writers constantly mention needing feedback or they wont write/will stop writing a popular series, it feels like a threat. i dont want reading to feel like a chore, where i need to constantly be validating my favorites so they dont get taken away from me. i love you and your writing and i wish my likes were enough. sometimes i, as a reader, dont feel like engaging/leaving notes. sometimes i just want to read and move forward. i feel like many writers have turned appreciative comments from readers into an obligation.

again in no way is this meant to be hateful towards you, i feel like this can apply to many of my favs. i just needed to get it off my chest and hopefully assure you that we like your writing, even if there's less engagement. if you disagree with any of my points, please tell me/ask me to clarify. i dont want to hurt your feelings and i would love to hear from the writer's side!

hiii! no worries, thank you so much for being respectful and wanting to hear my opinion, as well. i know some people let these things out in the rudest manner possible, so i appreciate that <3

so, the reason i haven't been writing atm is because i lack the time and energy to write :') this year has been crazyyyy busy, so i just don't get to it anymore – and since i've been away/less present for a while, i guess i also drifted away from tumblr, too, and then felt like people might've forgotten about taegularities, and then i wasn't sure if the effort would still be worth it (i get insecure at times, but that's a me-problem). now, the reason i (and many other writers) have this worry is bc writing requires an insane amount of energy and brainpower – when i tell you that so many of us actually slave over just a scene or even a paragraph for ages 😭 (example: the last cmi update was far shorter than what i usually drop, but it took me days to just edit one scene). we ache to write all the time, but life also gets in our way – i barely get time to sit down and work on my fics these days… so when i do get time, i want to put it out there into the world and then see the reactions, too… i write for myself, ofc, but for you guys, too, so i can share that joy; or else i'd keep the fics in my docs, right?

and in that sense, when we write something in the rare free time that we get and that we hope others will love just as much as we do, we do seek some sense of validation, even if that sounds odd. it's like – imagine you studied for a test for like 2 weeks, but then don't get the results you hoped for (which might be a weird example, but effort-wise, it's similar, even if fics don't affect writers' lives in that sense). i know there are many who just write and don't care for feedback (even tho i've seen even those who say this be sad about reader engagement which – very valid), but i think that most who expose their soul and heart like this, do want to see people enjoying it/speaking about it/hyping it up. every creator, be it in the movie, music or art industry, loves to see reactions! and think about it – most writers get so genuinely excited when someone sends an ask that doesn't say more than "i loved this so much!! you're such a good writer!!" which is insane?! like, i know that i do – i get so happy and remember these comments 5ever, and it's a 2 sentence review as opposed to thousands of words. the effort here is unbalanced, but we still love it so much. and you don't need to write an essay, you never never do!! i swear, it's always enough to even get a few words or sentences <3 which, in the end, isn't a lot to ask for, you know?

i'm not saying i will stop writing my series. i would stop if it got 0 reactions OR if my life stood in its way too much; i'll keep loving what i write and write out of joy, no doubt. and tbh, i don't care about notes either. like, i remember "ruin you" getting way less notes than cmi but GOSH we had so much fun back then bc of the interaction and the craze made me so happy hahaha and yeah that's what it's essentially about – community. does that make sense? it's tumblr where likes don't make a post circulate – reblogs do, so yeah, unfortunately, likes are not enough :( i wish they were. i totally get what you mean, though. even feedback shouldn't be an obligation, but if you truly like somebody's work, it never hurts to send a tiny message. it really means the world to us when something we adore and are so proud of – creating art, sharing our heart, wanting everybody to see this love – is met with so much joy. and it's fics, you know – we love love love writing, but it's something that can be read. and we want people to read it and we're legit sitting there like "👀 and?? aaaand?" lol it's so nice to know when someone truly appreciates something… ofc you don't have to comment on my stuff, but i promise feedback makes a difference. it's why so many do leave :/ i hope that made sense!! once again, thank you for being respectful!! i love you, too, and am truly grateful that you're here and enjoying my stuff!! <3

[super-hero-confessions]

i really wish more homewell shippers or the boys fandom that use/like homewell type elements like the "good boy" or "sweet boy" stuff were at least more aware of the fact that homewell is a case of grooming--an obvious one--that is not portrayed as sexy. the actor and actress are sexy, don't get it twisted. but the show itself ain't subtle at all.

think of how creepy and uncomfortable literally every scene is made to be between them. not an undertone, they specifically do not play music or adjust the ambiance in a lighthearted or loving way. and sometimes even have sounds echoing eerily, specifically to make it gross and awkward.

i'm already not one for a partner pretending to be a parent, but remember how homelander was supposed to be about eight-fucking-teen in diabolical and how she was teasing him--someone she'd clearly known since he was a child and had acted as a mother figure for--and manipulating him? yeah that. that's textbook grooming. she flat out gave him the mommy issues and kink.

noir enabled the bullshit but holy hell madelyn was so much worse.

this isn't even to say that people shouldn't have fun with shipping or kinks, but just... be aware? please. i've seen too many people up and go "look how much we use homelander's literal victimhood and grooming against him to infantilize and abuse him more while pretending its just so hot and not in the slightest problematic! isn't he so cute?" with their fics or art which let me be clear. would be perfectly fine if they didn't then try to be "holier than thou" about it.

and i don't mean that lightly, i mean it very obviously shows. there are tons of people out there with kinks for control and powerplay, dom, sub, the whole shebang. myself included! i get that homelander is an extremely tantalizing and polarizing character for that and fandom can be competitive.

what i don't get is how so many of the people who get off to the idea of further caging in a character who's been caged and controlled his whole life and making whump of him can be so blissfully unaware that their kink isn't any better or healthy than the ones that let homelander let loose to go full abusive monster or are closer to canon.

or up and try to say it somehow is.

y'all.

it is straight up getting off to the idea of homelander being forced to relive his childhood trauma and exploitive grooming from vought, with a new lover. except things somehow turn out better??? leik bitch what!? you can't be serious. we saying repeated abuse from the "right" person a.k.a. vought 2.0 the trauma bond reignited somehow makes a victim better???

okay.

fine, have the kink. but you can't seriously think that's less toxic than wanting him to be set free no matter how awful that may be for everyone else.

they're both toxic.

y ' a l l.

i have literally seen people trying to say butcher's toxic masculinity hang ups are a reason he would never bottom when him and homelander have the e x a c t same toxic masculinity hang ups. they are both giant insecure cunts who have trouble with vulnerability and became sadistic sociopaths because of abuse, that is the point.

the whole point of this show is to exemplify deeply problematic things and showcase how society and people are so desensitized to those things that they either don't matter to us, slip through the cracks, or shine a light on the hypocrisy of it all. with a few nasty jokes here and there. and for some of you in fandom it sincerely is flying way over your heads like i can't.

you cannot be that dumb i just you can't. please.

like homewell, like top "less alpha than raynor" butcher, indulge in toxic kinks. just try to be aware instead of hypocritical. the show is trying to teach us some things and i think they're worth picking up.

[mattstrahm]

got thoughts on things so this is a sort of journal entry about it all under read more. mostly just kind of self reflection.

first thing is i get that in fandom spaces people who create things, be that art, fic, gifs, etc. seem really intimidating and scary, and i get that i really haven't helped myself with that in the way i post. i wish there was an easier way to let people know i'm genuinely just awfully awkward when i start talking to them for the first time, and i know that awkwardness comes off as flippant, i do not mean it to. i just don't know how to talk to strangers. i wish there was an easier and more casual way to do it, honestly, than tumblr posts and asks because it's such a clunky way of communication. and the tumblr chat feels so incredibly personal doesn't it? sucks to be getting a bad grade in fandom community communication because i'm just bad at communication overall lmao. there's people i wish i knew how to talk to, like there's a whole sharksblr out there but i'm scared to death of talking to them bc they seem so close knit and i don't wanna seem....???? like im intruding ???? i dont know.

second thing is about writing and how i wish i wasn't so insecure about the things i make. i wish i could just work on projects the way i want to work on them and make them what kind of want them to be, but i'm already backing myself into a corner and i don't want the audience of my writing to box me into it. i don't wanna be a one trick pony. i don't wanna write one thing, the same thing, and only that thing, you know? i want to exhibit the variety i know i'm capable of and i want the things i write to be viewed as the separate things i create them as. like remove the fact that i wrote them all from the equation, which i know isn't possible but i kind of wish it was, without actually posting on anon. which i've also done... specifically to separate myself from the end product, not because i don't like it, or i'm not proud of it, but because i want it to stand on it's own. a lot of my buddies know about anon works i've written, they're not secrets, they're just disconnected.

third is a shorter thought about letting things be. i'm trying very hard to argue less. leave people who know better to make their mistakes, it's on their conscience not mine. and then also let people who don't know better to live and learn, it's their journey not mine. i can be extra patient with kids even if i don't like them. i can let teenagers make the mistakes online we were making as teenagers. i can let it all happen.

i guess this sort of also reflects the recent james somerton updates (this is a turn, i know) about how he faked his suicide and went on pretending to be someone else, and no i never believed he actually committed suicide, it's a real textbook online narcissist move, i've seen it dozens of times but... i saw people talk about how there's people who felt guilty about the death that didn't even happen and i feel like there's a lot of this sentiment online where other people's thoughts, actions and wellbeing are somehow on you as an internet user and they're really not. like even if these people somehow participated in the shit talking of that man, that doesn't make them responsible. everyone's actions are their own and if you fail to curate your online spaces to an extent that they make you feel bad, actively, you should log off probably. this whole point feels really disjointed. what the fuck ever. i don't really want replies to any of this btw. i'm going to bed :)

[joshuahyslop]

BOOKS

The last 10 books I’ve read:

1. Death In Her Hands - Ottessa Moshfegh I really enjoyed this book. Previously I’d only ever read a collection of her short stories and they were incredibly dark and depressing. This one is more of a mystery. It feels a little bit like watching an A24 movie. I kind of wish the ending had gone a different way, but it was enjoyable and very well written.

2. Stoner - John Williams I’d read another book by Williams a while back and hadn’t been particularly blown away but this book was recommended to me by multiple people over the last few weeks and then I saw it as a “staff pick” at my local used bookstore, so I went for it. It’s a lovely book, but I’m not sure the description on the cover, “The best novel you’ve never read” was really accurate. Good book. Not great.

3. The Creative Act: A Way of Being - Rick Rubin I’m having a bit of a tough time with this one. I like Rick Rubins work. I’m not sure how to feel about the man himself. He has a bit of a cult following and he’s really taken on this sort of guru-like persona over the past few years. This book is full of some really helpful and insightful ideas and ways of looking at art and creativity in general. But I can’t help feel it’s a little self-indulgent. Each chapter is, at most, 5 pages long, usually less, and there are blank pages between each chapter. A lot of paper could’ve been saved with this one. Still, you can’t argue with Rubin’s track record and the breadcrumbs he’s scattering here are absolutely worth picking up - I just don’t think there needs to be quite as much space between them.

4. Yellowface - R. F. Kuang My wife read this for her bookclub and recommended I check it out. She read it in a day so I figured I could put my very tall stack of books to read on hold for a minute. I read it in two sittings. It’s a very quick and easy read but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a good book. It’s written by a woman of colour from a white woman’s perspective. I won’t give anything away but it was very well done. It’s part thriller, part comedy, part drama, all the while dealing with creative liberty, plagiarism, and racism. I really enjoyed this one.

5. American Buffalo - David Mamet Every once in a while I get really into reading plays. I think there’s always been a part of me that wanted to be an actor but I was always way too insecure. I love going to live theatre and I try to pay attention to the scene as much as I can - even if I’ll never take the stage. This is a great play. The whole thing takes place in one room. It’s gritty and funny and brutal. Although I’ve read a lot about him I’d never actually read a play by David Mamet. He’s not for everyone, but I loved it. If you’re into plays and have any to recommend, send them my way.

6. The Missionary Position - Christopher Hitchens This is a quick read but definitely a worthwhile one. For one thing, I love reading Hitchens for his incredible ability to wonderfully articulate himself. For another, I love reading Hitchens because, to him, there is nothing sacred. Despite having what seems like a rather provocative title, this is a very grim and sober look at the life of Mother Theresa. Hitchens noted several instances of seeming hypocrisy and political opportunism in her religious life and decided to take a closer look, judging her reputation by her actions and words and not the other way around. I grew up admiring Mother Theresa - even when her journals full of doubts were published, I was encouraged by my church to continue believing because, "Even Mother Theresa doubts!". It wasn't until I went to India and volunteered at The Missionaries of Charity that things began to unravel for me. There was little to no medical care being extended to these kids and several passed away in the few days I was there. It was heartbreaking and confusing and it took a long time for me to begin to understand it. This little book helped.

7. The Caretaker - Harold Pinter Another play. I've never read anything by Pinter before but I've heard his name many times. I didn't particularly enjoy reading this play. It's kind of confusing and pretty uneventful. But once I'd finished reading it I looked it up on YouTube and saw a young Colin Firth performing one of the monologues from it and it was amazing. I'll be keeping my eye out to see this one live.

8. The Love Poems - Harold Norse A short while ago I was consumed (and not for the first time) by Bukowski's poetry. I couldn't stop reading it. I bought book after book and would go home and immediately dive in. Somewhere in all my reading I noticed he'd mentioned Harold Norse as one of the best poets to ever live. Being a massive fan of Bukowski's I decided it would be wise to read what inspired someone who’s inspired me. I'm not really sure what I was expecting, and - to be fair, I've only read this one collection (which, I should mention was SO generously gifted to me by a friend after I posted that I was looking for some of Norse's work) and in it's very title it suggests romance, but it wasn't this. It's very sexual and very confusing. Harold Norse was an openly gay man at a time when it was not openly accepted to be so. For that reason I found his writing brave as it deals mainly with issues of homosexuality. But, overall, I wasn't moved in the same way as I've been while reading Bukowski's. I have another book of his (which was also a gift from the same friend) so, we’ll see.

9. Why Grow Up? - Susan Neiman A small book but a lengthy read. It's been a while since I've jumped into the world of Philosophy. It's one I've always felt drawn to but then almost immediately overwhelmed by whenever I've dipped my toe. This was no exception. It's an unflinching look at ageing physically, emotionally and mentally and societies/politics role in either encouraging or discouraging growth and maturity in these areas. I enjoyed it and now I've got lots to think about.

10. Dangling in the Tournefortia - Charles Bukowski What can I say? I wasn't even looking for another book of his poems, a friend gifted it to me and I dove straight in. This particular book was released in 1981. It's not my favourite era of Bukowski's. He's no longer down and out, he's no longer hungry. He's living well and has a bit of a name for himself. Still, there are gems here. He wrestles with those very issues, he still has words in his soul. It's inspiring but in a different way. I'm glad I read it and I'm thankful for the gift from my friend, but I'm also glad that this wasn't my introduction to his work. I don't think this would've hooked me the way his early work did.

more soon, -joshua

[autiezo]

I saw some cute pokemon art. I wanted to share it with my ex best friend, because she loves Pokemon. Then I remembered why I broke off the friendship with her.

The reason wasn't because we were bad people. We just grew apart, and/or because I couldn't stand her long stretches of absence in my life anymore. When i texted her, weeks or months would go by before i got any reply. She had her personal reasons, so i couldn't blame her, even though the small, immature part of me did.

So apparently, my brilliant solution was to make her absence permanent. So that I'd stop getting false hope and getting hurt that she's not the same person I knew 7 or 8 years ago, over and over. I wanted to give us both closure.

I didn't wish her happy birthday last year, until a week after the date. I also broke off the friendship right before i hurriedly wished her happy birthday, and apologised. Our birthdays are only a few weeks apart. She remembered mine, I remembered hers. I wanted to wish her a good one, but I didn't know how. I didn't want to lie but I didn't want to hurt her, either. By being a coward, I ended up doing both anyway. I knew I needed to break off the friendship before she wished me happy birthday. I wish I broke it off a month or two sooner. Stupid, stupid Zo.

I still feel pain from losing her. It's considerably less than the pain I felt from being very insecure in the friendship, where I didn't know if she'd tell me the truth about whether she actually still liked me, or if she thought I was a good friend to her. I did try my best to be a good friend, until some months ago, where I foresaw it ending. After I unintentionally disregarded her stories when we last met, in my excitement to know as many as her personal stories as I could. She had a tendency to go on very long tangents, so I mistakenly thought that I should rush her and "help" her get to the point of her stories. I was wrong, I won't do that again. However, the thing is, she told me everything was fine, so i was left unaware, and then it turned out to be not fine. That broke my trust, since she was dishonest. I need friends who'd tell me instantly if i was being a jackass, so that i can correct myself in time. She'd also had a habit of cancelling our meetings without enough warning, or showing up late to them.

I didn't get enough opportunities to fix my mistake, because we barely got to socialise with each other at all, after that. I felt neglected and neglectful at the same fucking time.

I see her in my nightmares sometimes. Last night, I dreamed that she attacked me in the classroom where I teach. Her attacks were non-lethal, I was angry and warned Dream her that we shouldn't fight there because it's at my workspace. I wanted to fight back, but refrained since I didn't want my students to see me hurt someone else or something like that. I called for help, my mentor came, stood there and looked at us. Then I woke up.

I still have my other childhood best friend, we'll call her Kiki. She's amazing and we are like sisters, we are very close. The loss of my other friend has made me clutch onto the rest of my friendships very tightly in my heart. What if I lose them too, and there's nothing I can do to save us?

8 years. We were friends for 8 years. Yet, life had caused us both to replace each other with new people. We lived nearby to each other, you know? We could have visited each other easily, but that didn't happen enough. It's her fault. It's my fault.

I know that logically, I should stop caring. But I still do care. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. I loved her, and against my will, I still love her. Fucking hell.

Edit: And no, I do not regret it. The friendship became an open wound.

[hugsqueeze]

HI PJ!!!! 🫂🫂🌈🌈🌈 do you think i could get…. 💥,🍧,✏️ for sacha AND MAYBEEEE IF ITS NOT TOO MUCH 🎨 and 🌠 for melody? ^_^ THANK YOU!!!!! i miss her…….

HIIII HIIII GLOOMY !!!!!!!!! 🫂💘💘💕💕💓💗💖🌈🌈💘💓💖💖 YES YESS ABSOLUTELY I WOULD LOVEE TO, IT'S NO PROBLEM AT ALL!!!!!!!! ^_^ <3333 THANK U SO SO MUCH FOR THESE QUESTIONS!!!!!! <3333 Sacha and Melody are admittedly among my faves SO I'M QUITE EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT THEM ALWAYS!!!!!!! 🚶‍♂️

MELODY

🎨 PALETTE - can they draw? what do they like to draw?

YESSS MELODY CAN DRAW!!!! 💪💪 Though she doesn't tend to draw in an illustrative way... Rather, she draws as part of her fashion design work/hobby!!!!! So, she can draw a basic silhouette of a person, but she really likes drawing clothing most of all!!!!! ^_^ SHE LOVES DRAWING FRILLY CLOTHES with bows or clothing with thick, wooly fabric the best!!! Those are also her favorite materials to work with, so it makes sense that a lot of her designs incorporate those materials INTO THEM!!!!‼️‼️

🌠 SHOOTING STAR - if they could make any wish with no repercussions, what wish would they make?

THIS IS AN INTERESTING QUESTION FOR HER ESPECIALLY... Since Melody sees all events as predestined as a part of a divine plan... Wishing to change anything about that plan would be DIFFICULT for her TO SAY THE LEAST HEHE... but MELODY IS THE TYPE TO WISH FOR WORLD PEACE totally earnestly and whole heartedly, she wants everyone to be able to live safely and securely. She looks at the struggles in her own life as events that are bound to happen, usually carrying some kind of wisdom or lesson, so she can easily let things roll off of her back even if they aren't going the way she would like for them to. (And tbh her life is pretty good even when things aren't going to plan, she comes from a close-knit, wealthy family). She figures that everything will work out for her in the end!!!! ^_^ THAT BEING SAID, she DOES wish that people who are less fortunate than her didn't have to struggle for their basic human needs to be met. She just hates to know that others are living in insecurity... Even if she sees those events as predestined... If she could ALTER IT AT ALL THAT'S WHAT SHE WOULD WANT. For everyone to be able to live securely and peacefully!!!!

SACHA

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

ENVY ONE MILLION PERCENT. SACHA IS A JEALOUS, INSECURE FELLA. Their envy drives them to do very irrational and cruel things and it contributes to them becoming disconnected from reality ☹️ Sacha feels very passionless, like she doesn't really feel strongly enough about anything to choose a career or a major or anything for herself... So she gets really jealous when she sees people who seem to KNOW what they love and what they want to do (for example... HER POOR POOR BOYFRIEND 😭😭)!!! Her lack of ambition leaves her feeling insecure and like a failure and she unfortunately takes it out on the people she's closest to in the end .... EEK!!!!

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

Sacha had a very LONELY childhood 😭!!! They were neglected OFTEN and usually only had the company of their own creations as they grew up... THEY ALSO GREW UP ON THE INTERNET, considering all the extra free time they had. BUT in terms of objects, I think I would say that Sacha keeps the little art gifts that they and their friends traded online. DURING THEIR DEVIANTART DAYS. HAHAHA. They're not tangible items necessarily, but they mean A WHOLE LOT TO THEM REGARDLESS. Because those people that he made friends with online were his ONLY friends and they really helped him in his darkest years!!!!!!!! AND I THINK IF HE SOMEHOW LOST THE FILES, he would be... HEARTBROKEN in a way..... I don't think he would be as IRATE as he would be frustrated and sad... I could also see him becoming a little obsessive about trying to get the files back. But once the reality sets in, that the files are gone, they would just give up and mope about it for a while. It might make him more likely to TRY AND FIND HIS OLD INTERNET FRIENDS THOUGH. Like to reach out and talk/reconnect again, so maybe it wouldn't be all bad AT LEAST 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔

✏️ PENCIL - is there a particular quote / lyric that you associate with them?

I ACTUALLY HAVE SEVERAL... MOSTLY FROM HIS BOARD.... On Pinterest 🚶‍♂️

BUT ALSO Whenever I see him I think of "JE SUIS HORRIBLE" and "je suis struggling" LOLOLLLL If I'm allowed a SILLY ANSWER

[diorngl]

Dear Jimin fans,

I could start with a hundred disclaimers but I will not. My greatest hope is that in all these words, you will see a modest heart who wishes to help. This is written to those who are PJMs/Jimin fans, if you're not and you want to read this - that's fine too. Maybe you are a casual fan and are interested to understand, this may help and I'll be happy if it did. But really this is for those who claim being PJMs/Jimin fans.

It has been a few years since I discovered him. I was scrolling through Youtube, and there popped up a video called 'Blood, Sweat & Tears'. The thumbnail caught my eye, so I clicked on it. I saw a person. No, a creation of art. Who is he? I was shocked, then I was overwhelmed with admiration. I remember just sitting there in awe, replaying those first few seconds over and over again, trying to comprehend that what I was seeing was real. I looked into it, stumbled upon other people who felt the same way when they saw him and knew immediately. It just resonates, doesn't it? There was no confusion for me. I know real talent when I see it. My eyes were only on Jimin.

As I started to watch more content about him: Official bangtan bombs, vlives, fan cams, my admiration only kept growing as it became clear that not only he is a one in a lifetime performer, but he's the kindest, most emotionally intelligent and in a world where those qualities are very rare, it was amazing to me to find someone so genuine.

But unfortunately, not everyone values that. It became clear very quickly to me that the fanmade content that involves him across various media platforms is not made with the intent of keeping Jimin's feelings, boundaries, and best interests in mind.

From BTS introduction videos painting him as insecure, weak, needy, clingy, overly emotional (as if being in tune with your feelings is a bad thing smh) and cheerleader to the other members, to videos with titles like: "Jimin is a freaky bitch" "Jimin is a pervert" "Jimin is a flirt" and things of that nature. There is something very mean spirited about the way they portray him.

Naturally, I was uncomfortable with seeing this and as with everything I see, I questioned it. Is this really true? Where is this coming from? And why doesn't anyone do anything about it? I didn't understand why a fandom who claims to love him so much, would let such defamatory content not only exist, but gain so many views. We're talking million of views for each video/content with these titles.

I mean, ARMY have been known to threaten creators for less awful things than that. So why were they so silent? While it's expected to see all sorts of things about celebrities online, in none of those cases was there such a movement of misleading, misinformed content about an artist from their own fandom, from inside the fandom. You would expect such malicious and defaming content from haters, not people who claim to be fans of the group that person is a part of.. It’s almost as if, he’s not part of BTS. But it was ten times worse because he was, he IS a part of BTS but is treated like an outsider, with the attackers pretending to love him, but end up using their closeness to him as “fans” to twist his words, use his caring nature and vulnerability against him, knowing where to hurt him the most. I was overwhelmed by sadness. What has Jimin ever done to deserve this kind of hatred? I didn't understand why this is happening. I just knew something's not right. This is wrong on so many levels.

Once you get even slightly closer to the fandom, you soon start to realize that Jimin is.. Well, to put it bluntly, not respected or seen properly for who he is by a large majority of the ARMY. And this is why respect is so important. One can be “loved”, but not respected.

The issue is most of them don’t appreciate him for him. They only appreciate him in relation to the other members. As a mirror or a magnifying glass of some sort to amplify the other members existence and talents. He is a human being with his own thoughts, feelings, goals and dreams. He is not anyone’s cheerleader or hype man.

Jimin is often the one who brings new people to the fandom, but before you know it, ARMYs are already bombarding those new people with “oh but this member is better” “wait till you see this member, now HE is the one you’re gonna love more”. Meanwhile, the other members can be praised without any of those ARMYs jumping in like they do with Jimin. He is treated like a rival. The double standards are real.

One of the breaking points for me was the DTs. The amount of indifference from armys about the threats was appalling to witness, reaching the boiling point when Jimin had to answer a journalist about his own DTs in a press conference, and instead of questioning why would Hybe approve such an insensitive question to be asked (and it's been confirmed by a journalist that the company does in fact have to approve questions beforehand), armys reaction was "aww he's worried about us", choosing to willfully ignore the gravity of the situation and instead use Jimin's politeness as proof that he's "okay" and doesn’t really care about it.

Narratives are extremely powerful. They can completely change your view on someone, sometimes indefinitely. Most people take what they see at face value, and if you're not one to dig deeper into the "why" of the matter, you WILL be affected by it and tailor your behavior towards that someone based on that narrative you were fed with. And that’s exactly the case with Armys, who brainwash other Armys/casual listeners with misinformation and harmful narratives about Jimin as we speak.

I've always been conscious of how harmful false narratives can be, but it cannot be more true than in Jimin's case. Almost everything about the trajectory of his career particularly following the rise of BTS to a global status, is tainted by this underpinning cord of a love-hate relationship from ARMYs, who's backhanded compliments towards Jimin and attacks on those who dare to praise Jimin or stand up for him could not even begin to hide their inner disdain, lack of respect and jealousy they feel towards him.

I would say many of us who care for Jimin would have trouble defining ourselves in the beginning. In that first stage you would question everything you learned about the group and the company. About this “family” narrative you have been spoon fed with all this time. You will be left confused, frustrated, and exhausted when seeing that Army/Bighit do not share your wishes and dreams for him, and you will find yourself more often than not feeling hopeless in the face of this seemingly unchanged reality.

As you start to notice the injustice towards Jimin from his work environment, you will evaluate constantly if it’s worth it to get invested in someone who might never get the happy ending you so wish for them. Questioning whether or not you will get to see this amazing person flourish and bloom into the best version of himself. I think what makes it even worse is the lack of permission we, Jimin fans have to simply exist. How many of us can not only be awaken from the propaganda but also have the courage to shout it out loud? It's a rare individual who has that kind of self awareness to discover they are PJMs or a true Jimin fan in a herd mentality environment such as the ARMY fandom, and even more so than discover it, but to be one publicly.

It would be easy to reaffirm what you already know; that being a Jimin fan means feeling left out, misunderstood, and vulnerable to attacks on your character but I noticed that the conversation always ends at a shallow point of view. Even we as Jimin fans don’t dare to dig deeper, usually repeating what’s already been said, but lacking the motivation and resolve to make a change where it really matters.

I noticed we are mostly very private people, we’re not as loud as other “solo stans” nor do we really have a large presence on social media. I believe we do see everything, but due to how all this hatred that is being directed at Jimin and by extension - towards us as fans makes us feel, we’re more comfortable being in the shadows in fear of the attacks, and while that’s not inherently a bad thing at times as self protection is important, we tend to miss out on important details such as how and where exactly these (false)narratives begin and grow due to our fear and lack of presence in certain areas online. We have certain blind spots sometimes. Thus we end up puzzled as the propaganda gets bigger and bigger each day, harder and harder to contain, let alone control. There are many ways of improving situations like these or at least, make the online space more comfortable for us, and in turn - for Jimin himself.

Now, I’m not gonna lie to you and pretend it wouldn’t require some work, which is why we need to be committed to changing the existing situation. There will be ups and downs, and not everything will go smoothly.

Armys are NOT going to change. And it will be useless to try to get them to. I understand some of us are angry, hurt, and even traumatized by their behavior but looking for their validation, asking them to be “truly OT7″, and waiting for them to suddenly change is a waste of time and somewhat pathetic to be honest.

In order for people to even reach the point of loving Jimin unapologetically, it usually requires them to challenge not only their negative bias towards him but also why they think and believe the things they do. It requires people to look inside and ask questions about the things they see and are presented with in terms of the content they watch.

The double standards, the internal misogyny that makes Armys dislike Jimin, the justification and normalization of erasing/discrediting him, all of that operates under the guise of you not being able to think for yourself. Applying critical thinking and stop fearing backlash is the only way to break free.

My goal here is for Jimin fans to expand their space, and reach a point where it doesn’t matter anymore whether we get the permission to be Jimin fans from others, we will just be our own entity. The difference should be in our approach. As we are already demonized for standing up for Jimin, which puts us in a disadvantage when it comes to the image other people have of us, we have to move somewhat differently because whatever we do - we will not get the same reaction as other stans will. They will never give us the benefit of the doubt, they will assume, judge, and allow attacks on our name - just like they do to Jimin.

We’ll have to move in silence, be more organized, and respond instead of react. Just like how armys are the face of BTS, and how BTS are pretty much disliked because of their fanbase - everything we do will reflect on Jimin himself. It shouldn’t really be that way, but the reality is people will try to use that against him whether it’s fair or not. They villainize us to prove that their false narratives about him are true.

It’s all good and well to call out armys on their behavior, but the likelihood of them understanding your point is close to zero because the issue doesn’t affect them. They are less likely to listen, much less care about anything affecting Jimin or his fans. And while the image and reputation of Jimin fans according to armys is always villainized, it doesn’t have to be like that for casuals/locals.

Our safest and most effective bet is to focus on new people, locals/the general public. They are less swayed by fandom antics, but to do that we have to reach them at the right time. Before they get sucked into the rabbit hole and invited into the Army fandom. It will be hard but it can be done. It’s only a matter of keeping our finger on the pulse of things and using our presence to course correct their path when learning new information about Jimin.

Because that’s usually the point where everything goes wrong; New people find themselves enamored with Jimin and wanting to find out more about him, only to then be exposed to the false narratives armys have created of him, resulting in a loss of respect and those new people’s eventual withdrawal from liking him.

I’ve been observing the online space for a long time, and have garnered some knowledge about the process of how people get into this space, how they eventually turn against Jimin, or vice versa. It’s a very messy process and not always so clear, but once you recognize the pattern of the ways these antis make new fans lose respect for Jimin, you also start to understand what needs to be done for those people to reconsider their decision and preventing them to believe the false narrative about him.

As we make the steps for the narrative to improve, the false narratives around Jimin fans will hopefully lessen and we will have our voice, whether people like us or not. The goal is to reach a point where it doesn’t matter anymore what people try to do, Jimin will always be supported so that his (solo)career will flourish smoothly.

Narratives are indeed powerful, but not impossible to change. I want more people to know the sides I have seen of him. Like his maturity, emotional intelligence, professionalism, open mindedness, his respectability, and so much more. The sides that for some reason, a large group of people are desperate to hide and erase in order for him to stop "standing out" in a positive way.

This is a Jimin dedicated blog to share thoughts, and discuss particularly on the Jimin misrepresentation going on mainly on Youtube and other social media platforms, but more importantly than just simply discussing it, actually do something about it. Again, talking is good, but actions make the difference.

[twosides--samecoin]

15 Questions for 15 Mutuals

as tagged by @vault-heck <3 thank you friend, I hope you're doing well these days! tagging @edaworks and @perfectlypreservedpie @persephotea @truebluemeandyou @bokatan @aviatorfics @wolfbirbisme @khazrablood @kremvhstooth

1. Are you named after anyone?

My name is a bit of an "oof". In a sentence my mom was raised by Very Strict Irish Parents and she had me at 18. They disowned us after I was born; my name is her mom's middle name and my middle is the fem version of her dad's name. I have mulled over changing it because we don't have a relationship with them - it's fairly unique being an Irish name and I find myself resigned to it. TMI moving on lmao

2. When was the last time you cried?

I cry every time my girlfriend goes home :'D

3. Do you have kids?

I have PCOS and will hit 30 next year - I likely will never have my own but I am open to adopting :) I really love kids.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I invented sarcasm

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

Judo

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?

I notice.. a lot - I am... observant about people, to use a word. Whether you feel awkward or standoffish or open or not. I don't know how to describe it. Perhaps it is a body language thing.

7. Eye color?

Bright blue - kind of like the lighter part of a blue portal from, well Portal

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Why not both? :D

9. Any special talents?

One thing my girlfriend mentioned is I can pick people apart like a lawyer can. I can figure out fairly quickly what someone's damage is and put someone in their place. This sounds like an evil skill, but the best way of putting it is I am not going to be dishonest if you act holier than thou or if you think you're special and better than others, and you need to be told to sit down. An example of doing this for good is standing up for people, especially if someone is being punched down upon. If you enjoy being a bully to others in fandom spaces because you feel most comfortable when you're an expert and can control the conversation, and that self perception being questioned is such a problem you think you're being attacked (yet do nothing when a less popular account than yours gets a ton of hate for days while you get headpats from your minions), I'm gonna send an anon about it. Bullies tend to be insecure nerds and I will do my best to call them out behind the scenes.

10. Where were you born?

Atlantic Canada

11. What are your hobbies?

I write Long Time Running on AO3. I am a really big music fan and am a bit of a historian for punk music. I really love my plants - I collect primarily aroid species such as philodendron and monstera but I also really miss traditional gardening. The goal is to get a fraction of a piece of land sometime in the next few years so I can have a proper garden space again. Woooo compost :)

12. Do you have any pets?

I do not and I wish to! I can claim my partner's cockatiel, Darwin. We video chat and it's funny - he and I have intense whistling conversations and he understands I exist but he doesn't conceptualize that me existing through the phone doesn't = me being in the same room. So he tries looking around the phone to see if I am there. Poor baby

13. How tall are you?

5"2. Tiny terror

14. Fave subject in school?

I felt most seen by Language Arts/English. My fourth grade teacher let me read the Lord of the Rings trilogy for a book report instead of telling me I had to choose just one for a book report. I am hopeless if I am not writing

15. Dream job?

Everyone asks me what I wanna be when I grow up, everyone asks me what I wanna do for a job. Nobody asks me if I want to work or not. I don't. I want to be a househusband for my girlfriend and I want to make her lunch and keep her house clean. This said, I am in school to be a paralegal because working and getting an income is important I guess. True Marxist Accelerationism is accepting: money isn't real, be a wifeguy instead ;)