#I'm still digesting the show so I can change my mind

[mmm-eta]

after act 2 I thought Sky is the hexcore manipulating Viktor.

after act 3 I thought Sky is the real Sky, both she and Viktor are being manipulated by hexcore as they see their magic as something good when it actually isn't.

but 1: if that's real Sky why did they change her model

but 2: how can she possibly see their magic as good when it literally killed her? did she thought "it killed me but revived Viktor so it's ok"? alright

then, I believe, when she realized all this evolution is NOT good, it was too late to persuade Viktor. she be "he won't listen to me anyway lol bye" so her death does nothing to his hexdamaged brain.

and then we see Jayce persuading him in like 3 minutes. I'd believe Jayce meant more to Viktor than Sky but it was Sky who was with Viktor all this time when he rejected Jayce right after his resurrection. It was Sky who inspired and guided him in his herald path.

and they made her to be just a metaphor for his humanity to discard when she was a REAL person with her OWN mind and POWER to affect Viktor. well guess she wasn't.

thank you arcane for senseless second fridging of a female character with big ass actual potential. mwah.

[understandableparadox]

a comprehensive list of everything wrong with hazbin hotel.

quick note before i lose myself in madness, my standards for helluvaboss are non existent because its a free show on youtube. also i kinda like helluvaboss and i will indulge in any bias i damn well please.

oh and spoilers. i guess.

the greater narrative of the entire season is "White lady civilize inner city hoodlum". ex: The blind side. rich girl, affluent family yadda yadda.

the story is set up to be like amphibia, owl house, svtfoe, steven universe, that being starting as something episodic then transforming into story driven narrative. why? because we know the benefits and drawbacks, episodic starts allows us to wander the world, it allows us to understand the dynamics, we are not forced to reckon with anything because there is no deadline. characters are allowed to bloom and shine and the audience can actually get attached.

the source material is Vary Clearly formed from remnants of something out of a middle school edgelord narrative. the usage of transformation, the big spooky grins, the "and then i smile as my eyes glow and-"-isms which in most cases i don't mind because in some instances but in a vary Particular case its astoundingly annoying and that annoyance is like a mold, shit spreads quick.

the color Red. as a lover of homestuck cherubs and karkat and aradia, as someone who fucking loves the color red, it is so painful to say but holy shit tone it the fuck down, i know its hell but their are so many other colors that you can use, its everywhere, the streets, the air, the windows, the screens, the characters, i know the pride ring is represented with red but change up the palates every so often for backgrounds

the rush, this ties into the second point made but i think the story itself is rushed. we know everything way to early. i know way to much and it makes it hard to care about anything because im still trying to digest the last chunk of info. "oh ok, so they clear out hell once a year. oh hell has a heaven embassy? ok. oh that adam the angel, i though he wou- oh its every 6 months now. wait the exterminators die a lot? then why is everyone sca- people in hell already have weapons that can kill angels? w- oh we are in heaven now, ok ma- no one in heaven except for the elites know the exterminations occur? how do-" and its that, just this incessant rush to explain everything to you. notably that's just the god damn spark notes, we need to know everything about the characters now, every single bit of their story, their insecurities, what charlie needs to fix, how she can fix them, the major bad guys, everything. you are never allowed to dwell on a character because we need to rush towards something else. it almost feels like this should have been like... season three, it would have been a fantastic season three if you dropped the introductions honestly.

the concept of redemption. for a story of redemption to work you need to look at three things. What is there crime, Do they want to change, What is preventing them from changeing? there is only one single character that has a notable path of redemption, angel dust, but if you look through their story it feels off. What Exactly is he guilty of? he has sex, does drugs and drinks. his apparent nymphomania is tied to his sad backstory as someone forced into the sex industry so how is that their fault? then if you think about it you start to spiral and notice "hey why are most of these people in hell?" like sure some of them may deserve punishment but then you see the fucking dichotomy and its like "I was a inventor in england and died of the fucking plague, i may have made evil little contraption hoohoohoo" vs "I was a cannibal, a full on cannibal, i fucking killed people and ate them and then someone shot me". ONE OF THESE THINGS ARE A LITTLE MORE FUCKING EXTREME. i'm going to go fucking nuts, the thing they went to heaven with when presenting a case to angels on the idea that redemption and becoming a better person is actually real was angel dust not drinking at a party and not having sex with consenting adults and i want to go fucking insane. WHAT IS THE CRIME, WHO IS THROWING THE BOOK, WHAT DOES THE BOOK INTEL, ARE WE ON GOOD PLACE RULES?! half the cast dont Need redemption they need fucking help, and the other half of the cast do need redemption but they do not seek it making the point moot. sir pentious acts like he has the brain of a hyper intelligent toddler tossing about toys, its almost like he did his one bad thing of spying and then got caught, sank his little diddy about forgiveness and second chances and become a null point through out the rest of the series, sure their was Some weight to him sacrificing himself, he was a decently funny character and he had good moments but him popping up in heaven felt like a fore gone conclusion, he didn't deserve to be in hell so why do i care that he is suddenly in heaven? because its working on the concept the good place already made. no one actually deserves eternal punishment they just need help processing what makes them a dick, but instead of looking at all the parts of the afterlife that make it bad, inefficient and then creating and trying ideas to see if it work instead over a few seasons, we crash dick first into all the major plot points in regards to that and say "tada, we fixed it.".

having a sub-plot about sexual assault and its victims then having multiple sexual assault related gag ruins your point.

don't make a bunch of stereotypically jewish characters into cannibals, that was a big thing, really shouldn't have to say it.

if you are going to make a character black, make them black, you can say alastor was black but sweet seren-fucking-dippity that's not a black man.

pot meet kettle but yeah the cursing could be a little less liberal. maybe just blue hair or the pronouns, not both.

there is a very distinctive art deco/jazz aesthetic which normally i love but i feel as though it is not used to its full extent and in some cases really hurts the character design in and of itself.

this is a vary obvious bit but the story is a million times more interested in gay men then it is of lesbians, which culminates in this insane thing where the writers clearly have more talent or perhaps it would be more abt to say practice writing male gay pining then they are with lesbian pining. which i personally think is hilarious because i did not know you could min max fujoshi-ism that hard.

this next section is more to do with each character on a fundamental level, for the sake of brevity whatever there is left, i'm just doing ones with speaking roles.

13. Charlie:

(see what i mean about that red thing?)

as originally stated charlie fits rather comfortably into every white saviour narrative, though that seems to be part of her joke. though i'm not entirely sure how much of a joke it can be when its rewarded and expected to advance the plot.

her character design says nothing, it has the motif of old puppets or dolls, she wears something vaguely similar to service suits, her demonic form is just some extra horns.not to say every character needs to have their life on a clothes rack but some more snake and goat imagery would be nice

its not the chol design of charlie with snake hair, not an actual problem but its a problem to me, damn you @cholvoq for ruining my ability to look at any of the characters without wishing i was seeing your designs instead.

character wise aside from the white savoir bit, i'm having a bit of trouble understanding what the arc of the character is. she is shown to be naive, someone who doesn't understand how the world works but everytime she says something its something astoundingly clear like "people can actually get better". and its treated like someone demanded faygo in every water fountain. is the joke that the world around her to cynical or is so to naive? please pick one or the other.

now if you know me, you know i fucking hate overpowered characters with a blinding passion, one that would set alit the god damn abyss but in this one special instance, i feel like its warranted, she's the direct descendant of fucking God, she can swing her weight around a little, i mean god damn. she in so many instances looks like shes cowering so often, why would the daughter of lucifer get backed down by some rando pimp? why wasn't she the one to fight adam? sure you can say she is young but how young? her parents were there since pre-abrahamic times, most of the characters showed up in hell in the 1900s, some of them showed up in the 1600s, how old is charlie??? how long does it take for her to learn how to be strong? The story does not suffer if charlie is strong and knows she is strong. it can easily be a case of "i don't believe in violence to a weird degree". fit it into her apparent naivety about the world to believe that violence is never the answer even when dealing with a being that is unilaterally horrible and abusive and monstrous.

she ga- no im kidding, i do think her romance was waysided a bit, it would have been fine to have more scenes of them togather and in love you know?

14. Vaggie

why did you name the lesbian vaggie...? Don't do that maybe?

I like how her design is almost moth like but again i feel as though you could have amped that up.

she feels as though someone tried to combine undyne and pearl from steven universe, same story beats and design elements. it makes it hard to really distinguish her as a character.

i honestly dont have much to say about her. she is fine.

christ kill me, lets just get the big one out of the way

15. Alastor.

God Damn

where to start.

"alastor is mixed race" mixed with fucking what? concrete? there is not a single black feature on that creature, now im not saying you have to make him a png of louie armstrong but it wouldn't hurt to add a curl to the hair maybe? make it a tiny bit more wavy? Something? a crumb i beg of thee?

his symbolism is all over the god damn place, native american monsters (you know the one), voodoo, radio, puppets, stitches, circuses??? and Tentacles i guess. two of those are from closed religions so if you dumped those you would actually get a more concise character focused on the concept of vox populi as a means of societal control and influence as we see in his first song. but again that gets drowned out repeatedly by all the other random toy box bits shoved into him.

tumblr sexy man bait

he serves no purpose in the story. he does spooky stuff, pretends to do things and then goes back to sitting around looking spooky. i understand that his motif is supposed to be aloof mastermind but maybe have him do more mastermindy things? if you remove most of alastors scenes, bar the songs, it doesn't change all to much. husk and nifity can still be at the hotel, they could be looking for outs in their contracts the same as angel dust. hell it even helps with the one scene where he dose some spooky shit, asking charlie for a favor in exchange for his help in the fight with the angels instead of asking him about angel weapons which should have remained a strictly vaggie scene.

his presence in a way delegitimize the story, as I noted in in the section regarding redemption, the three parts are "what is the crime, do they want to change, what is stopping them?" and alastor kinda just spits in the face of that. he is a serial killer cannibal that has no qualms about how evil he is and apparently must continue being evil due to being under the control under someone legitimately called the Root Of All Evil. show him take a slight interest in the idea that maybe shit for him could be better, make him Want Change at the bare fucking minimum or dont have him at the hotel.

his stupid little fucking horns, big shot the troll liker wants characters to have big fucking horns, make them noticeable or dont have them.

he looks more like a dog boy, which could have been an interesting thing with the collar motif but fuck me i guess.

personal pet peeve but i fucking hate characters that have a million plus powers, stick to a set number, be creative.

im getting more petty as i go on so last point: he could have been in less episodes, he didn't need to be in dad beat dad, that should have been just a lucifer and charlie episode. inverse the red and black and i think he would be fucking great color wise, his body type is the same as ten different characters, he isnt radio enough, aside from the voice and and staff if you told me he was the fucking Cat Demon i would have been just as convinced.

16. Angel Dust

what the fuck, gay spider? its hard to actully articulate all the thoughts i have on angel dust, not in the sense that he is a deeply thought provoking character but in the fact that there is not much meat on the bones.

all around i think angel dust is kinda middling. he has a decent enough romance with husk, he has a decent enough story line that revolves around battling addiction and removing yourself from an abuser (which the story tries to brand as "Redemption???")

I dont like that most of his jokes would qualify as sexual harassment, i don't mind him being sexual as a character but continuing on when clearly someone doesn't like the jokes hurts the character.

not a critique but he is pink, which honestly ill fucking take at point, as long as its not more fucking red.

i think his design is an improvement over some of the old vivzie designs but it feels like it could have done with going a few more rounds of design changes.

same thing with alastor, charlie and vaggie, there is not enough of the animal that they are supposed to be. You could have told me angel dust was a fucking bee or something and i would have had to believe you. nothing about angel dust initially says spider, hell he dosent even have enough limps to be a fucking spider.

17. Carmilla carmine

are... are you supposed to be a rabbit...?

Big Yoai Hands

ballet fighting style, could have been cool, wish she fought more like sanji or chun li.

A single mom that works to hard, who loves her kids and never stops-

her song was decent, not great, decent. it feels as though the actress has experience singing but not in the way they tried to make her sing during her two songs. they have a obvious mexican influence, honestly just let her sing in spanish in the english dub. go listen to the spanish dub, "out for love" sounds great in spanish.

i wish i had more thoughts on them, fucking rip.

18. cherri bomb

that's not a punk aesthetic that's 2010s alt

decent character, they showed up once or twice i guess, no real thoughts.

19. egg boiz

absolutely perfect, i have not notes on them, these are perfect creatures.

20. Emily

im so fucking happy to see a singular blue character

does the naive dreamer bit better then charlie

We really shouldnt have seen her until the end of season two or middle of three.

good contrast with the other angels on screen.

Wait she is supposed to be black??? Where???

21. Husk

keith david you absolute delight, Why on gods green earth did they only give you one singing part?

one of the few charecters where its clear husk is a cat, i do like the kinda... marquee design, he is a magic cat, thats neat. i still think you can toss the wings and eyebrows and still have just as good of a charecter.

has a deeply intresting story of someone who died as a nobody, became the fat cat of hell and then was forced back to the bottom by their own vices, not used at fucking all.

huge potential, little pay off.

22. lillith

I know nothing about her except she ditched her kid and husband to vacation in heaven and i think thats kinda funny.

alot of werid things floating around her, again she shouldnt have been shown in the show at all until next season.

23. lucifer morningstar

no notes, funniest charecter, did a song based on friend like me.

few notes: i do like the idea that the immortal symbol of pride is a constant emotional wreckage constantly seeking approval through grand showmanship and manic energy that threatens to take over anything they touch.

would have liked more snake stuff on him, maybe some more goat things like horns.

that is such a stupid fucking staff lmao.

24. Adam.

alex brightman you absolute fucking delight, you should have had more songs.

I wish his design was more focused on the idea of him being a glam rock wash up

I fucking hate his mask

We shouldn't have met him until the end of the season.

25. Niffty

again she is supposed to be a bug or cockroach but nothing about her points to that.

token straight

keeps rocketing back and fourth between sexulization and infantilization

you had kimiko glenn but didnt give her a single fucking song?

26. Sir Pentious

the secret season one redeemed.

the pilot version of him felt more like someone that could do a season one redemption arc, a megalomaniac constantly attempting territory grabs, there is something you can work with, actual character flaws to work through.

essentially a child after the first episode.

actually a snake which i appreciate.

no where near steampunky enough.

27. the villians of the show dont make much sense, each one feels like they should be season long deals on their own instead of a bunch of team rocket esque idiots that show up on occasion, do a bad thing and then leave.

28. Valentino

gOD THERE IS SO MUCH RED

only a moth some of the time.

sucks as a villain, maybe they need more screen time to show why they suck in a more substantial way aside from being told that he sucks.

it is interesting that angel dust is only under his magical control when in the studio, it shows that angel dust has to make a conscious choice to return, which in turn can be made to show how abusers can draw back their victims. I do not think it was done well in this circumstance as it shows him to be cartoonishly evil, constantly flying back and fourth between sweet and utter psycho, there is no actual reason for angel dust to ever actually go back to the studio, he just does so every so often.

29. Vox

legit who cares? the only thing about him that is in any way substantial is all the dope ass fan art we get.

propaganda machine angle that is not explored at all, just hinted at. no actual barring on the story whatsoever.

why didn't he try to do the same shit as alastor by the way? he knows its bad if alastor gets in good with charlie so shouldn't it be a ass kissing race?

same body shape as literally every other male character.

tumblr sexy man version of pyrocynicals fursona.

30. Valvette

the actual poster child of the shows huge problem of "Show me, don't tell me".

apparently the glue that holds the villains together. never shown.

apparently the one that makes the love potions that valentino is famous for. had to learn about that in the fuckin wiki trivias

we know so much about her from things outside of the show.

was there to call carmilla a coward, that's her plot contribution. she shows up every now and again but its never anything substantial and serves to more around take up run time for people We Don't Need To Know Yet.

im not trying to be mean, animation is animation, we need smaller studios to have success in the industry so that other indie studios can have that success, felling a tree makes it easier for others to follow. showing that its possible to number brain rot exacs helps all animators.

but this show has so much bullshit attached to it, it has so much fucking potential that it fries my brain with unyielding frustration.

this took a bit to write, im tired, thanks for reading.

[electronicwitchcollection]

~*Accidental mate; chapter 9*~

Here it is! I’m so sorry for the wait 😂 It was one thing after another, but I digress! Thank you to everyone, (Anonymous readers too!) for your kind support and eagerness for this to continue. Special thanks to @clone-bar-79s for motivating me to finish this chapter!

"The good news is, you've got time. His next rutting season isn't for another six months, you've got time to come to terms with it, make a decision that's best for you"  the joyful Cadence had returned to Urahara's voice, at this point you were positive it was as much of a disguise of his true thoughts and feelings as his hat and fan were. He was kindly trying to put you at ease, not letting his true concern shine through. More than you felt you deserved in this moment.

Letting your hands drop, shoulders squaring in mock determination, you raise your face to meet his eye. Fake it til you make it. "Thank you for telling me,". You raise to your feet, ready to accept your fate. Taking in a deep, soothing breath to steady your nerves. You needed to find Grimmjow. "I'll consider my options thoroughly" 

Urahara jumped to his own feet, hands presented to halt your departure, apologetic look on his angular face. Hat still secure in his hand, he looked so much younger with his mop of blond hair on show"Actually, there's more you need to know" 

More? You sat down heavily in your chair. You didn't think you could handle any more right now, you were still digesting the information you had just been fed, mind dizzyingly running though the conversation in an endless loop of uncertainty and guilt. You didn't know why you felt guilty, but it was there, heavily sitting in your stomach.

"If you were to decide to pursue a relationship with Grimmjow, there are some other factors you need to be aware of" Urahara disclosed as he rejoined you sitting down. You felt a little overwhelmed with the amount of information you had already been given, mentally exhausted with the drastic change in your life you were presented with. Though it did pique your interest, what else were you about to discover about the complicated Espada? "I'm sorry, I know it's a lot to take in" 

Your face must have betrayed how you were feeling, given the sympathetic look Urahara looked at you with. You shook your head dismissively, it wasn't through any fault of his own. Your own gluttonous actions had lead to this fiasco. Yourself and Grimmjow. Your throat tightened slightly at the thought of you and Grimmjow together in the same sentence, a couple.

Couple of idiots, you snarkily reminded yourself. Might as well get everything out in the open now, to save you from any more unwanted surprises later down the line. "Now that he has mated, part of Grimmjow's instincts will have him wanting to scent mark you. Which could be problematic " 

"problematic how?" You never realised how ignorant you were up to this point about Grimmjow's hollow side. You never realised it went as deep and animalistic as scent marking. Something you associated with mammals claiming their territory, hopefully he used another method than what you were aware of. You were pretty open minded, but you drew the line at Grimmjow pissing around your home. Or worse.

"While for the bonded pair, it can be considered rather intimate, for other hollows it's perceived as a warning... or a challenge"  For the first time since you entered the room, you notice Captain Muguruma turn to face you, seemingly interested in this part of the conversation. Arms crossed over his broad chest, he leaned back to the same window ledge Captain Hirako was using to prop himself up. "I'm sure you're well aware of the Captains and Lieutenants who have a hollow of their own residing within" 

You nod, eyes flicking to two of the captains who were visoreds , struggling to find the energy to participate verbally to the conversation yet. Shinji sent you a lazy wave, confirming what you already knew. You had seen first hand the blackening of their eyes, the inhuman warble hissing from the buff captains lips. Felt the chill run up your spine when his eyes locked onto you with a predatory gaze.

"The pheromones Grimmjow left on you can be smelt by the visored." Urahara explained, placing his hat back atop his head. Everything seemed to be falling into place, everything you had been confused about the past few days, running through your brain without answer finally being explained. Ichigo had told you that you smelt different, Grimmjow attacking him shortly after halted any further explanation. Subconsciously you breathed in deeper, trying to detect any foul smell coming from you.

Not as subtle as you had intended however, by the chuckle Urahara gave "You won't be able to smell it, neither can we" he indicated to himself and Kyoraku. That was somewhat of a relief, unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but you didn't relish in the idea of smelling.

 "Only hollows will be able to detect it, a survival instinct. It activates their instincts of fight or flight. The weaker ones, the beta's, will see it as a warning to avoid you for fear of getting into a fight with your alpha. For the stronger Alphas, they'll view it as a challenge"

"A challenge for what?" You almost didn't dare ask, not sure you wanted to hear the answer.

"To take you from him" Shinji interjected, tilting up his head to show off his smug grin. "To prove their strength, beat someone as strong as Grimmjow, steal his mate, become the most dominant" 

Your mouth fell open, gobsmacked at the new information. This was why they were here? To what? Let you know before hand that they may try and take you from Grimmjow? You felt a little nauseated at the thought. You didn't want that. Didn't want to be seen as the objectified prize of some barbaric testosterone fulled game. Offended at the thought of being passed around by whom ever claimed victory. You wouldn't accept it. You didn't want Shinji or Kensei, you wanted...

"Don't worry, this isn't us warning ya ta lock ya doors or we'll drag ya off to our caves"  Shinji's lips pulled at the corners,slowly dragging his eyes over your figure appreciatively. You fought the urge to cover yourself up from his lecherous gaze. Damn pervert. He was only joking, surely. Distasteful and outrageously unprofessional given the circumstances and his status, but he had better be only joking. "Though.."  he gave you a scandalous wink when he finally made it to your eyes " I could be tempted"

"Don't be a prick, Shinji" Kensei snarled at his colleague, seemingly reaching the end of his patience with all his teasing. Shinji held his hands up in surrender before placing them in his pockets and leaning back against the window, sulkily rolling his eyes at his fun being stopped "was only teasin' " 

Kensei rolled his eyes before focusing them on you. You shifted in your seat uncomfortably. While you didn't believe the head captain would allow any harm to befall you in his office, the large Captain scared you quite a bit. "Don't look at me with such a scared look on your face" he barked out the order, eye brows furrowed tightly. "We've got our hollows under control" 

"Most of the visored have beta hollows," Urahara took over the explanation again, saving you from having to change your facial expression for the short tempered Captain "Shinji and Kensei are the only two in soul society with Alphas. There shouldn't be a problem with Captain Otoribashi or lieutenant Kuna. " 

"Mines female, a lot easier to deal with then Kensei's." Shinji interjected, seemingly bored with the conversation now that he was denied his fun. You couldn't help but find the conversation fascinating. While you had heard the stories of Aizen's inhumane experimentation, Urahara's intervention and saving the hollowfied Captains and lieutenants, it was interesting in the way they described it. Like the hollow entity trapped within their own psyche, fighting to break out of their prison. "His is particularly aggressive.."

"An asshole is what he is," Kensei grumbled, cutting Shinji off from his deduction of the situation. Fixing you in his vision once more, he spoke with undeniable conviction "We have them under control, there won't be any problems now that we know what happened" 

"It was just a bit of a shock the other day". Shinji added, pulling attention back onto himself. You felt like you were getting whiplash, all this back and forth had the muscles in your neck stiffening "Never expected ta smell Grimmjow on ya like that, nor the reaction our hollows had " By the looks on Urahara and Kyoraku's faces, they've already been informed about your encounter with the Captains a few days prior. It eased your worry somewhat, the conviction Kensei had when he said he had his hollow under control. You released a shuddering breath, soothing the burning your lungs with the length you held it.

"You're perfectly safe here, YN. I have no doubt that the captains can control their hollows instincts"  Kyoraku spoke up, further soothing your worry. You trusted his judgment,he had proved his insightful deductions of situations to correct nearly one hundred percent of the time in your experience. He was a good judge of character. If he trusted the visored, then you could too. "The real concern lies with Ichigo Kurosaki"

"Ichigo?" You repeat surprised, you hadn't expected Grimmjow's sworn enemy to be brought into the conversation. You had just seen him. There was no reaction like what the captains exhibited. He treated you the same way he always had, friendly, relaxed. Though he did mention being able to smell you before Grimmjow attempted to knock his head clean off his shoulders

"Ichigo's hollow is still juvenile." Urahara picked up the conversation again, slipping easily back into rattling off the facts you needed to know "Though he is combative and defiant, he's not yet matured enough to want to seek out a mate, more interest in fighting for power over Ichigo. Given the history between Grimmjow and Ichigo, that could change once his hollow reaches maturity"

They were worried about it, you realised upon seeing the somber looks they all watched you with, waiting for your reaction. They were concerned not only for you, but soul society itself. There was no denying how incredibly powerful Ichigo was. No one had ever come close to reaching the level he had. The utter destruction he could cause if his hollow managed to break free and take over. The damage to soul society itself, the loss of life, the possibilities were staggering.

Grimmjow wouldn't refrain from doing something he wanted to do just because it may effect Ichigo. In fact you were pretty certain it would only make him want to do it more. Grimmjow's confidence in himself and his strength was bordering psychotic, he wouldn't care if Ichigo did challenge him. In fact, you believe he would welcome it whole heartedly, encourage it even. Idiot. He would fit in perfectly with the meat heads in the eleventh. He didn't care about the ramifications, so long as he got to thrive in the fight.

The subject would have to be brought up to both Ichigo and Grimmjow. You had the sinking feeling in your stomach, that you would have to be the one to convince Grimmjow to ignore his instincts and not mark you. If you decided to go through with it and be his mate. It would solve this problem if you simply refused to commit yourself to him, even though that decision would create problems itself. Your head was hurting, stress pinching the sides of your temples. It was too much, to many decisions falling on your shoulders.

"If Grimmjow can refrain from scent marking you,or we set up a plan for when he does, there should be little concern for ramifications". Urahara added to your silence. He could see your mind racing, thinking over all the possibilities of what you had just learned. He waited patiently for you to sift through your thoughts, silently watching as your unfocused eyes sharpened, to look him in the eye.

You had made a decision

"I need to see him

———

You walked in semi comfortable silence next to the eccentric exile, the clacking of his wooden foot ware against the stone floor, a steady beat to accompany his tuneful whistling. You appreciated the fact he didn't try to engage you in mindless chit chat as you followed him to his workspace in the outskirts of the twelfth division, Where Grimmjow was apparently staying until he was placed and housed permanently in a division. You just didn't have the capacity right now to pretend to be interested in anything Urahara could have to say to fill the silence between you.

Your mind was thick with all the information you had been given this morning. You struggled to sort through it, every question you had only leading to more questions, every solution met with an abundance of what if's and maybes. Ifs ands and buts attaching themselves to the end of every train of thought you rode on. You sigh mentally.

Remembering a time before Grimmjow forced his way into your life, with his aggressive nature and brash behaviour. When the only decisions you had to make were unimportant, mundane. Effecting you and only you. You couldn't believe how far away that seemed now. You hadn't even had the time to consider your own feelings yet. Grimmjow having invaded your every thought. Did you even like him? Well, no. Not really. His anger and snide comments annoyed you beyond belief. He was rude and infuriating, temperamental at best.

There was something there though, some pull you couldn't give name too. A niggling need in the pit of your stomach, Urging you figure out the puzzle that was Grimmjow. Wanting you to succumb to his unbending will, burn in his fiery passion. You were attracted to him, how could you not be? Handsome, strong. All the traits of a protector, a provider, that a millennia of evolution had you biologically trained to desire. There was something there. As much as you may want to deny it or ignore it, push it down and suffocate it until it no longer burns within you. It was there

A large hand settled on your shoulder, making you jump as it snapped you from your thoughts. Urahara didn't even try to hide the amusement on his face from your startled appearance. He nodded in front of you, getting you to see for the first time where you were.

"We're here" you sucked in a deep, soothing breath, releasing it slowly to rid yourself of the nerves threatening to shake you to your core. The hand on your shoulder squeezed comfortingly, departing with a tap "You'll be okay kid" 

Urahara pushed on, trusting you to follow. Opening the door with more vigour than necessary, he walked into the darkend space. "Honey I'm home!" You slipped in behind him silently, inquisitive eyes taking in the space. It was a large room, dimmed from the afternoon sun, with a desk littered with paper. Organised chaos immediately sprung to mind. Empty bottles of alcohol messily strewn on the floor, filling the space with the sharp smell of their remains.

Opposite you was a worn couch, currently moulded around the source of the rumbling growl you could feel reverberating through your chest. Grimmjow laid facing into the couch, back turned on his unwanted guest "Fuck off"  he grunted, curling in on himself, seemingly trying to disappear into the padding he was laying on. Arm thrown over his head, attempting to block out the punishing light streaming in from the open door, as well as the walking headache, Urahara.

Grimmjow Suppressed a groan, not ready to be rudely woken from his slumber. His throat was dry, scratching painfully around every forceful swallow he made in attempt to moisten the passage. His head thumped with every beat of his heart, every jolt a mercilessly cruel reminder of his rash decision making the night before. He didn't know what that freak kept in those bottles, but it sure as shit wasn't decent alcohol. Still he clung to the offered numbness it provided, willing himself to fall back into the black abyss.

"Come now ,Grimmjow," your eyes flicked to Urahara's back as he delved deeper into the room, approaching the temperamental beast with little regard to his own safety. Daringly poking Grimmjow in the back with the end of his cane, getting another growl in response "Remember your manners, we have a guest" 

"You can shove your manners up your..". Guest? Grimmjow felt his skin tingle, senses sharpening instantly. He inhaled deeply, tasting the air in the back of his throat. Mixing gently with the starchy alcohol and the dust imbedded in the couch was something sweet, rich, like thick honey clinging to the walls of the hive of the bees that created it. Fresh and salty, like the wind dancing over the oceans surface. You. You who he had ran away from, you with your bewitching eyes, your ensnaring lips. Ignoring the protesting scream of his head, Grimmjow pushed himself away from his forgiving nest, jumping to his feet, determined to not allow the discomfort to flash over his face

"The fuck do you want?"  He snarled at you, watching as your face betrayed your silly human emotions. Uncertainty, confusion, before settling on one he knew all too well, annoyance. He tried to glance at you sparingly, tried to keep himself from dissecting each and every aspect of your being, searching for the reassurance of your health. Your smell was tainted. Grimmjow could smell the musk of others lingering on your skin. He picked up the distinct notes of Urahara lingering on your clothes.

Another deep inhale and he picked up the signature of three others. The drunk, and the two who had acknowledged his claim on you. The discovery made his teeth clack together as his jaw tightened. Why the fuck were they all around his mate. Why were you looking at him, with pity.. and something else. Not quite fear.. but something he didn't recognise.

Eyes snapping to Urahara, Grimmjow snarled as he crossed the distance, chest rumbling with rising anger "What the fuck did you do!"

"Grimmjow.." Urahara's hand shot out to stop you from getting closer, halting your advance to calm him. Grimmjow roughly grabbed the lapels of his top, dragging him closer to the passed off Espada as he spit out the words "Why is she here!" 

Certain you would heed his advice and stay out of range, Kisuke lowered his arms to placate the emotional man on a subconscious level. "The head captain and I thought it best to inform YN of the situation between you." Grimmjows eyes widened, fingers slacking on the bunched up material. "We explained about the bonding, and what it means for ..hurmft!" 

The speed at which Grimmjow pulled back his fist and snapped it towards Urahara's face was impressive, if not for the unmanly exclamation of pain cutting off Urahara's explanation, you might've missed it all together. Almost instinctively you protested, scolding him with the disappointed use of his name, falling on deaf ears as Grimmjow pushed Urahara from his grip and into the desk behind him

"You had no fucking right" Grimmjow roared, fists shaking at his side with the surge of adrenaline coursing through his veins. Fixing Urahara with a dark glare, he kicked violently at one of the many bottles left forgotten on the floor, ignoring it as it smashed into the wall with excessive force. Chest swelling with frustration, Grimmjow pushed past Urahara, heading to the open door, not even sparing you a glance. "Fucking stay out of my business old man"

"Grimmjow" you reached for him, his arm slipping just out of your reach as he jerked it away, stomping through the open door. Ignoring your soft call, ignoring the indignant cry of "Old man?!" Muffled by the hand covering his bloody nose. Grimmjow needed to get out, If he stayed he was going to kill him.

You watch him leave, sighing as he slipped from your vision. Your head fell into your hands, momentarily blocking out the room and the shit show that just transpired. How you and Grimmjow were going to come to any sort of middle ground when he insisted on running away way beyond you. You let your hands slip from your face, disappointed with how that turned out.

"that didn't quite go how I expected" you mumble, disheartened by Grimmjow's disappearing act. It cut you deeper than you thought it would've, now that you knew about the bond.. it hurt to see him distance himself from you again. To reject you.

"Really?" Urahara asked surprised, gently running his fingers down his sore nose to ensure it wasn't broken " It went exactly as I had thought" 

———

Grimmjow was seething. Rage coursed through his veins like lava, obliterating any coherent thought that wasn't tinged in anger.. Why the fuck were these damn Shinigami interfering with his business, with his mate! They had no right, no fucking right to tell you. They weren't hollows, they didn't have bonds, you weren't theirs! You were his, his mate, his responsibility. He was going to tell you. The right way, not fill your head with biased bullshit from shinigami who didn't know the first thing about him or his bond.

"Grimmjow!" He rolled his eyes at your call, not stopping in his desire to put as much space between you and that fool as he could. He needed a fight. A brutal, dirty battle, where he could let go, succumb to his unconscious mind, move and act without thinking, just reacting. "Grimmjow,"

Damn woman didn't know when to fucking drop it. Whirling round he scowled at her, arms folded defensively over his chest. Her cheeks were flushed.. delicate pink, likely brought on by the jog she fell into to close the distance between them. He could feel her warmth seep off her, radiating the space around her like the sun. It was pure and gentle, not brash and damaging like him. She stopped an arms length away, watching him cautiously. It pissed him off.

They each stood in silence, waiting for the other to break the awkward tension between them. Giving the other the opportunity to dictate the way in which this conversation would go, knowing that one misspoken word could result in vicious words being spat, one misjudged movement could have them colliding together in a rush of frenzied passion..

"What!" He snapped, having enough of her inquisitive stare. She had annoyed him endlessly with her fucking bitching and complaining, now she suddenly had nothing to say? He watched as your frown softened, eyes darting to the ground between them

"They were right in telling me Grimmjow. I needed to know.."  you spoke softly, concentrating on how best to gently speak your mind. You couldn't let him bury his head in the sand and ignore it any longer. Something needed to be decided between you now, before his next rutting season came along. Grimmjow's eyes flashed with your words, not yet ready to let go of his annoyance of his privacy being talked about by a bunch of damn shinigami.

" I was going to fucking tell you! I tried!"  Grimmjow snapped defensively, stalking closer to maximise the height difference between you. Intimidation was a weapon Grimmjow had used countless times, successfully, against bigger and stronger adversaries than the small woman basked in his shadow. So why was it that this woman was meeting his eye defiantly, not a shimmer or trepidation or fear showing on her face

"You've got to stop pushing me away, Grimmjow. I know now, so stop running away and.." Grimmjows fingers wrapped around your throat and stealing your breath. Pressure squeezing threateningly against the side of your neck, fingers twitching in warning. His hand trembled, you could feel the vibration against your delicate skin as his eyes burned into your own, darkly muttering inches from your face, hot breath dancing over your lips

"I don't run away from nothing" you instinctively took hold of his wrist, yet you didn't try to push him away. You could feel your blood pumping through your jugular vein, held prisoner against his dominating hold. It was a show, a display of strength of power that he so desperately needed to hold onto so not to submit to his own confusing contradictory impulses. You shivered at his dark tone, as black and as cold as the darkest of nights. You squeeze his wrist tighter, pouring out the light of understanding, the warmth of acceptance 

"I know your scared" you were too. Scared of these confusing, consuming feelings you had never wanted. Scared of change, everything comfortable and safe being thrown into disarray . Scared you wouldn't be able to make it work, that you wouldn't be enough. Terrified that it would. "I am too.. Im your....mate."  As quiet as it was, you heard the sharp intake of breath. You watched how his eyes widened, furious rage dulling behind his eyes. He's fingers loosening their grip on your neck by a fraction, startled by your acknowledgement, acceptance"we need to come together Grimmjow, work through this together, or you're going to suffer alone. I can't sit back and watch that happen"

"you don't owe me shit, I don't want your fucking pity" Grimmjow pushed you away physically and fugitively,  creating distance from the hope you cruelly dangled in front of his nose. A life line, in the crushing reality he unknowingly made for himself. You were speaking from guilt, from some twisted sense of duty. He wouldn't let anyone pity him. You reached for his arm, stopping him from turning his back on you. You couldn't let him run away again, couldn't let him think you didn't care

"It's not pity." You had to get him to understand. He was stubborn and pigheaded, but you could get through to him. You had to. "It's not guilt. Grimmjow, talk to me" 

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" Grimmjow screamed in your face, hoping to scare you off. Better you run now, than to pull him deeper into your Facade. Give him a sense of stability, lull him into a fabricated delusion of belonging before you pull it from under him and watch him down. You didn't back down, didn't even flinch at the display of crazed hostility. 

"Nothing. I don't want anything from you but to try. Stop shutting me out"  Grimmjow ripped his arm from you, pacing back and forth as he run his fingers through his hair as you spoke. Like a caged animal backed into a corner, comforting himself with what little freedom he had left. Clawing to it possessively, fearing you would try to take that too. "I just want a chance, a chance to see if we can make more out of this.. bond, than this... constant hostile back and forth!" 

You were struggling to keep your emotions in check. You knew Grimmjow was impossible to reason with, challenging to engage with, with anything other than anger. You didn't want to fight. Didn't want to snap and resort to his default of shouting and snarky remarks. You knew he was struggling with what he was feeling, that he wasn't happy about this bond. But it was here, it wasn't going anywhere, and all this back and forth was grating on you. If you were struggling keeping your emotions in check, then Grimmjow was loosing the damn war. 

"I don't know what the fuck you want from me woman!"  he yelled in response, glaring at you with every pass he made with his restless pacing." I can't fucking break it! I tried!" 

"Im not asking you to break it! I know you can't, and I know that you would if you could, you're clearly less than fucking pleased to be lumbered with me!" 

"Then what the fuck do you want!"

"To talk! To get to know eachother, find some mutual understanding!"  You shout back, disappointed in your inability  to not resort to a shouting match. You took a deep, soothing breath. Pulling it as far down as you could before controlling the steady release, willing your annoyance to leave your body. "I thought we could start meeting up, go on a few dates and"

"Dates?" Grimmjow sneered the word, almost offended his tongue had to manipulate around the syllable. He scoffed, seemingly finished with his mindless walking around. At last.. progress

"It's when two people..."

"I know what fucking dates are!"  That interfering old man told him about them. Offering unwanted, idiotic suggestions when all he wanted was a solution to end this infuriating bond. They sounded like they consisted of absolutely fucking nothing Grimmjow wanted to engage with. Flowers and holding hands. Fucking strolling mindlessly through fields while this bitch talked his ear off. Not this Espada. 

Sure.. don't know how to use chopsticks but is well fucking informed on dates and courting. Urahara seriously needed to reevaluate his priorities in what to teach Grimmjow.. 

"I ain't gunna fucking coddle you. I'm not going to bring you flowers or listen to you cry about your damn nails and hair. If you want all that bullshit go date the old man! Leave me the fuck out of it!"

You were instantly offended. Trying to palm you off on another man for something you didn't even want. You had no delusions about Grimmjow. You weren't expecting romance or sweetness. You certainly weren't so shallow or materialistic to demand or expect him to pander to you. Even if Grimmjow refused to see it, you were a strong, self sufficient woman. You didn't need all that from another person, you were capable of providing it for yourself. What you did require was damn respect, honesty and the same damn commitment you were willing to put into this

"I don't want to date Urahara, you fucking idiot. I want to date.." your angry retort died on your lips at the surprise widening of his eyes, the anger slipping from his face almost instantly. Inhaling deeply, you decide to finish your unintentional slip strongly. No more games. No more tiptoeing around the situation. One of you needed to stop this ridiculous back and forth and start being honest, truly honest "you, I want to date you Grimmjow. I don't need flowers. I don't need gifts or for you to change to please me. I just need a mutual respect, and a willingness to try and see if we can develop our own feelings not dictated by your bond."

He stepped towards you, a hesitancy in his movements you had never seen from him before. Questioning eyes searched your face, piercing deeply into the emotions swimming behind your eyes. "Why..?"  Searching for a hint of deception.. a sliver of hidden motives. All he could find was honestly, vulnerability. He didn't know how to deal with that. Everyone had a hidden selfish agenda. A selfish motive for everything they did. He had seen it time and time again, offering help if only it benefited you later. 

"I don't know"  you spoke softly, not a remnant of anger in your voice. Grimmjow scoffed, shoulders sagging with disappointment. He nearly fell for it, almost believed your bewitching lies.. you took hold of Grimmjow's hand, stepping closer so he had no choice but to look at you "I can't give it a name... this..pull that I feel. This feeling I get when I think of you,  these reactions I have when I see you.." 

 Grimmjow's mouth went dry, swallowing thickly as he listened.. heart thumping so loudly in his chest he thought it would bust right out his rib cage. The solidified need imbedded within the very fabric of his nature, that had been ripping him from the inside out,  suddenly sparking wildly in his stomach as you voiced your want for him. Both your small hands holding his, caressing mindlessly over his fingers, mapping out the hardened callouses, your eyes watching your fingers dance over his skin.. 

Then you looked up, the purest of eyes, shining with vulnerability, need, desire. Looking straight though him, through his defence, his armour. His breath hitched in his throat when you looked at him like that, so open, so... honest

"I don't know what it is. But it's there. It's real, and it's growing and it's not going away. I want to know what it is Grimmjow.... I want to see what it could become " 

[alaritheaurora]

Hey so, what the fuck is up with Shilo and Emizel?

Like yeah, they're brothers. Confirmed twins by Condi. How???

It's been made pretty clear that Shilo is half human, or at least in those kinds of vibes. There is never once a mention of his turning, he seems pretty clueless on humans, he has aged to his current age. But then he can also somewhat digest food, and his aura looks like a human aura. Yeah, that's all good, checks out.

What about Emizel? It is very hinted at, if not stated that Jeffrey is not his real father, but that he found or adopted him when he was still a baby. If Emizel is half vampire like Shilo, wouldn't he show that? He would, yeah, at least a bit. But he hasn't.

Even if takes more human traits, like Shilo takes more vampires traits. But he hasn't. There are no vampire traits. He's not faster, not stronger, doesn't have enhanced senses. I'm sure he would've noticed by now if he could do some mind shit or thought that blood looked particularily yummy. Even appearance wise, while we don't know exactly what he looked like, it is said that he is going through the vampire transition, becoming paler, getting fangs, pointy ears, red eyes. That is changing, he did not have that before. He looked like a human, he acted like a human.

The only time when he's human that he acts vampiric is when they say that "in the streetlight, it's almost like your eyes glow red" (not a direct quote, AT ALL, pulled from my ass and memore) but that is in reference to the all of the Demons. The whole gang have symbolism in their eyes.

The other time is when Emizel has been bitten and has the urge to bite his soon-to-be-sire back. There is something urging him to bite the guy. But that isn't necessarily a vampire thing. Vampires don't really bite other vampires. And for all we know, maybe there's some dying instinct that recognizes that vampire blood could save your life if you've been bitten. Or hell, Emizel just seems like he's kinda just like that. It does not seem out of character for his last dying action to be to bite someone.

So like, wtf? Why is Shilo half vampire and Emizel not?

I still think that the queen is their mom. I don't think she'd give a shit about Shilo if he weren't her son. And Emizel seems like the one she's keeping tabs on.

So here's my Lil theory. It was mentioned that vampires could briefly turn humans to eat shit. Now I don't know the vampire masquerade mechanics or shit, but it seems to me like maybe that could aply to more than just eating food. So like, maybe miss Queen Vampire wanted a night on the town, or hell, maybe she wanted a kid. So she got it on with some human, maybe Jeffrey, maybe not.

Gurl gets pregnant, but oops, it's twins. And when they're born, after a bit it's achingly clear one of them is more human than the other. Turns out, maybe doing the do while human fucked shit up a bit, so while the kids could carry vampire genes, they also could not at all. In fact it was probably more likely for the kid to not be a vampire at all.

So now her Majesty has two sons. One who looks like a vampire, one who doesn't. She's worried about both of them because they are at the very least half human and humans tend to die easily. She says "Hey, I'll give it time, maybe Emizel will just take time to be more vampire like, it's possible it's not an instantaneous thing"

She waits. Shilo is clearly a vampire. He drinks blood, he has little fangs, his eyes are red. Emizel, decidedly does and is not. After a few months, it becomes clear that Emizel is not a vampire. Fuck. What do they do?

Her council (or whatever the fuck they are) suggest to just kill Emizel, he's human, besides she already has one son, why need another? Miss Her Majesty is like "I dealt with too much morning sickness to get kill this kid". So maybe out of suggestion of the council, maybe out of fear for his life, she decides to ship baby Emizel off the LA without telling anyone. There he can grow up with humans and live a human life and not be as in danger as in the castle. Besides, she can just keep tabs on him so that if he does end up being half vampire she can scoop him up and plop him with his brother.

At least that's what I think. It's possible that Emizel is just built different.

[lassofthemoon]

My thoughts on the finale.

I finally watched the finale.

I definitely enjoyed it more than I expected, however I didn't love it as much as I wanted to. 

The writers spent the entire episode beating it into our brains that the vampires are inherently stagnant and unchanging. Guillermo and the audience are troubled by this fact because we are human. In the short time we have here on this Earth, we strive for change, transformation and evolution to assign meaning to our existence. The tragedy of being a vampire is that everything becomes meaningless when you live for eternity.

The documentary ending is just another day in the eternal life of the vampires. An emotional send off would feel disingenuous and we’re left with the knowledge that the vampires will continue doing the same thing every single day they’ve always done over and over again. I suppose the fact that they will remain together as a chosen family is the only comfort we can take away from our final moments with Nadja, Laszlo, Colin and The Guide. I think this is a fitting end for these characters. Maybe it's not satisfying for us but if they're happy, then who are the audience of mere, weak, feeble minded humans to judge?

Nandor and Guillermo, on the other hand, are embarking on a new adventure together as equals, something of which is new in their relationship and new for Nandor in general.

Of all the vampires, Nandor is the only one who views vampirism as a curse and craves for a purpose, a deeper meaning to give his eternal life, a new path to explore, a victory to conquer and a partner to share his heart with. 

In the final moments of the series we are given a glimmer of hope that Nandor will not fall victim to the endless cycle of stagnancy as the other vampires happily will because he has changed, he is changing and will continue to change. 

Nandor built a secret lair underneath the house only accessible by coffin elevator in the span of two weeks. I'd say that's character growth right there. 

Guillermo being a human has undergone so many changes throughout the series and despite everything, he continues to choose Nandor. I'd say that's still a win for the Nandermo shippers.

No, it's not a kiss or a hug or a declaration of romantic love and everyone who is upset that our ship was not made exclusively canon have every right to be. However, I might be in the minority here but I'm at peace with what was implied if you read between the lines. 

Nandor has always dropped hints of his true thoughts and feelings and then backtracks with sarcasm or backhanded compliments to save face on camera. That’s always been his style.

Let’s be real here. The main reason that Nandor thinks it’s good that the documentary is ending is because he can express himself more freely and openly with Guillermo now.

I was anticipating an ambiguous ending for Nandor and Guillermo anyway. 

Therefore I’m satisfied with the last moment I will ever lay eyes on them.

Nandor broke the cycle and Guillermo stayed, so anything can happen for them now.

All Nandor ever wanted was hope and true love to which he found in Guillermo. 

All Guillermo ever wanted was to be treated as an equal and seen, heard and understood by Nandor.

In one of my last posts I said that the s5 finale was the real finale and that the series finale was being treated as a joke. Now that I have had some time to think and digest the ending, I am actually quite pleased.

In the context of a show about tragic stagnation, I'd say being left with a spark of hope, the first steps made towards change for a new beginning and an ambiguous ending where the possibilities are infinite for Nandor and Guillermo, I'd say we won. 

[tgammsideblog]

Let's talk about Jinx vs The Human World

Jinx vs The Human World is... certainly an episode. It hasn't been talked much in comparison to The End because it has been greatly overshadowed by the later.

One thing that i think many of us can agree about Jinx vs The Human World is that it has super chaotic pacing. It doesn't give you room to breathe because it is already jumping to the next plot point and you can't digest well what you are watching. This hurts the emotional impact crucial character scenes have, because again, they aren't allowed to flow well, not letting the characters to react properly.

It's an episode that should have been around 44 minutes long since it covers multiple plot threads. With that ammount of time some things could have been better paced and given a proper conclusion.

As for the plot threads, i already talked about how i like Jinx as antagonist in this episode. She is fun, her song sequence is pretty good. She ends up capturing Molly and using her as away to power up her sobgoblins.

I really enjoy seeing Scratch finally having to deal with the consequences of not being a good leader. The reason the events of this episode happen are because of his own irresponsibilty, letting Jinx steal the Chairman robe and take over the Ghost World. He realizes that he has been messing up a lot and someone else should be in charge instead. He lets the chairman robe go and chose a more appropiate candidate to be the new chairman.

My biggest issue would be the Chens plot part. I do like the part of Ollie and June standing up to Ruben and Esther and trying to persuade them into helping them to stop Jinx. It's a scene that serves more or less well as a conclusion for their arc, even if Necro-Comicon and The Grand Gesture have this purpose, (more for Ollie's character)

The reveal that Geoff was the ghost that scared Ruben was nice too. It has been a thing that was foreshadowed back on ¨Book Marks The Sprite¨

What i'm not so fond of is how it was Geoff sneezing at him when he was a kid. I think it could been more interesting if it had been Geoff hurting Ruben by accident or scaring too much. That way Geoff apologizes to Ruben, showing to him that he didn't mean to hurt him that way.

Ruben also feels like he lacks proper scenes to show his change of mind. Sure, he realizes that Geoff wasn't evil as he thought he was, making him question things. But there isn't much else. I think there could have been a scene of Geoff saving Ruben from the sobgoblins and Ruben realizes how a ghost saved him, making him reconsider his views.

His change of mind is like it comes a bit out of nowhere. Another problem is how he seems to be super friendly around ghosts near the end which it is very weird. I think it could have been better if he had some expressions and lines that indicates that he is still trying to get used to not seeing ghosts as evil.

In addition to this, the Chens don't get to do much in this episode outside of trapping Jinx inside the phantom canister. I wished that they could have set up traps to catch the sobgoblins and contain them temporary at least, that would have given them a bigger role in the plot.

I do like some moments that June has, like her interations with Darryl and giving some funny moments. She is pretty enjoyable in this episode and she shines almost scene she is in.

In some other problems, i find the whole wraith transformation of ghost friends unnecessary, it doesn't have any funtion in the story aside from seeing how they look as wraiths (which is cool!) but the plot could have played out the same if it had been just Scratch and Molly going to the Ghost World.

The Ghost Council saying nice things about Scratch and that he wasn't so bad to give Molly joy fits well their character arcs this season, but, Sir Alister saying they are Scratch's ¨friends¨ doesn't add up since Scratch doesn't want anything to do with them and he has interacted with them because he was forced to be the Chairman in first place. I would change that line of dialogue and leave it as them thinking that Scratch is not so bad instead.

In all, i think what really hurt Jinx vs The Human World is that it needed to be a way longer episode (around 40-50 minutes) to allow things to be spaced out better. A good chunk of the issues from this episode seem to come from that. With more time to explore the events and changing some things, this episode could have been more presentable in quality as a whole.

[iamnotoriginalphil]

Hello, I love your writing and it really makes my day honestly.

And I was wondering if you could do an x reader with either Larissa Regina Mills or Lesso. I'm kinda indecisive lol

I was listening to "like real people do" by Hozier And was hoping you could do a story based off of/around it mainly the line

"Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips, We should just kiss like real people do."

Turns out, I'm indecisive too, so you can have all three based on that lyric. I hope you like it!

Larissa

You only came to the weathervane for one reason, and it wasn’t the excellent hot chocolate. You’d noticed the same woman coming in week after week, and after asking around you’d come to find out where she was from. Nevermore. The one place you had been warned against.

You didn’t care.

You’d pursued her with an intensity you’d never done anything else. Larissa Weems was a goddess walking amongst mortals and you were determined to make her yours. She was all you wanted in Jericho.

Only she didn’t seem to understand it at all. No matter how many times you slid into the booth across from her, lavishing smiles and compliments on her, she remained as icy as always. You kept trying to melt her, wanting her to see how serious you were taking it. She’d yet to scare you off, and you were sure she never would. The only way you’d stop was if she told you to, and she hadn’t yet. There was still hope.

It was on a wintery afternoon that you found her, sitting, sipping her coffee. You slid in across from her, not even bothering to order a drink of your own. She was all you wanted in the shop.

“I don’t know how you do it, but every time I see you you’re more beautiful each time,” you said, “someone so beautiful shouldn’t have to buy their own coffee. Let me buy you the next one.”

“I have no interest in being the butt of your joke,” she said, “so you can leave me alone now.”

“Joke?’ You shook your head, “you think I’m joking about my feelings?”

“I know the reputation Nevermore has in Jericho,” she replied.

“So?”

“So I know what this means,” she replied, “I know how people in town feel about outcasts.”

“I think if anyone is listening to the stereotypes around town it isn’t me,” you replied.

She stared at you for a moment. You waited, giving her time to digest your accusation. You figured you weren’t the one with the hang up, that she was bringing her own prejudices to your interactions. All you wanted was for her to look past your differences.

“I’m not sure I know what you mean,” she said, keeping her voice even.

“If you’re willing to ignore whatever it is the town says about outcasts and normies, then I am too. We’re just people, not whatever they think we are,” you said, “I’d like the chance to show you exactly how serious my feelings for you are.”

“And how do you propose you do that?” she asked.

“One kiss, just one,” you suggested, “if after that you’re still not feeling the spark, I’ll leave you alone.”

“One kiss? That’s it?” She raised an eyebrow at you before looking around the relatively crowded Weathervane.

“If you’re okay with that,” you replied, shrugging. You had nothing to hide.

“Go on then.” You could tell she thought she was calling your bluff.

You stood, sliding into the seat beside her. Her eyes widened but she didn’t move. You’d never been that close to her and it was a little overwhelming. She was so beautiful and you found the floral scent that seemed to cling to her skin intoxicating.

You placed your hand on her shoulder, shifting closer until your thigh pressed against hers. Her eyes darted down to it, then back to you.

“You’re still sure?” you asked, to wanting to make her uncomfortable.

“Of course,” she replied.

You drew closer slowly, giving her time to change her mind. When she didn’t try to push you away or escape from you, you smiled to yourself.

The first brush of lips was like heaven. You pressed closer, doing your best to show her the way you would worship her for the rest of eternity. She gasped into your mouth and you let your tongue slip in, hoping she could feel the spark you’d been feeling since the first conversation.

And then she was kissing you back. One of her hands landed on your thigh, the other threading through the hair at the nape of your neck. She surprised a moan out of you, pulling you closer. If you weren’t in such a public place you would be climbing into her lap, making her feel the electricity that was running over your skin.

“I suppose one date wouldn’t be be a terrible idea,” she murmured against your lips.

Ignoring the whispering around you, you kissed her again, long and slow, taking your time now you knew it wasn’t your only chance. You had plenty of time to kiss her again and again and again. The rest of your life if she’d let you. Which it seemed she might.

Regina

You could stare at her forever. That was the simple fact of the matter. Regina was a work of art, one that was constantly changing and growing, and always so beautiful. You had no idea how you’d gotten so lucky to know her.

You’d ended up getting caught up when Anna was transported to Storybrooke, doing your best to help her save her sister. And you’d chosen to stay when they were sent back to Arendelle. Because of Regina. Because you’d fallen in love amongst all the fighting. Because you had hope.

All of which is to say, you were now absolutely screwed.

Being normal, one of the few people in Storybrooke without magic or a fairytale of your own, led to you feeling as if you were fading into the background. After helping Anna and Elsa as best you could, you hadn’t been called in to help since. Which you understood, but it did mean you didn’t get to see Regina that much.

Except for when she came into Granny’s. You’d gotten a job there, finding it not much different from back home. You’d worked in a tavern back there, and giving people warm food and drink was second nature to you. Seeing her in the diner was the best part of your day.

“Coffee, please,” she requested, slumping over the counter.

“Coming right up,” you said, offering her your brightest smile. She was so beautiful in the afternoon sunlight streaming in. She was always beautiful. It made your heart hurt.

Putting the cup down in front of her, you hoped she would take a moment to look down at the heart you’d drawn for her. You turned back, going for coy. You’d been flirting with her since you’d arrived, and you thought she’d been flirting back. It felt like flirting. It made your heart stutter in your chest like flirting did.

When you glanced back over your shoulder she was looking down into her mug, a slight smile on her face. You pressed your lips together to keep from grinning.

“Alright, out,” Granny said, shooing you away, “your shift is done and I’m not willing to pay you overtime.”

“It’s already that time?” You looked up at the clock, “time flies when you’re serving pie I guess.”

You tugged your apron off, handing it over to Granny. She offered you a fond smile, patting your hand as you walked out from around the counter.

“It certainly flies when you’re flirting with your favourite customer,” she said, chuckling when your cheeks warmed. You stuck your tongue out at her, turning back to look at Regina. She was gone, the coffee left untouched, bell jingling over the door.

You froze before bolting out the door. Head whipping one way and the other, you frantically searched for her in the street. Hurrying away from you, heels clacking on the pavement, her familiar figure was easy enough to spot. You ran after her.

“Did I make your coffee wrong?” you asked as you caught up to her.

“No, it was perfect,” she said, not quite looking at you.

“You didn’t even touch it.” You shot her a teasing smile. She didn’t return it, “okay, well, I’m sorry for the bad coffee.”

“The coffee was fine,” she snapped. You swallowed past the lump growing in your throat.

“Alright, well, something is wrong and I’m going to guess it’s because of me so I’m still sorry because I never want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable or anything,” you said, hearing yourself ramble but not able to stop.

“It wasn’t you,” she said, stopping.

You turned back to her, watching as she brushed her hair off her face. She wasn’t looking at you, looking at a point just over your shoulder. Your heart clenched.

“What happened?” you asked.

“I think, perhaps, it would be a good idea if we stopped seeing each other,” she said.

“Why?” You felt as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over you.

“We are not meant to be together,” she said, “I’m sorry, but this has to stop now before anyone else gets hurt.”

“Anyone else?” She wasn’t making any sense.

“Anyone else other than me,” she said.

“You think this won’t hurt me?” you asked. No, demanded.

“It doesn’t matter.” She turned away from you.

You grabbed her arm, forcing her to face you. She snarled, trying to pull out of your grip but you held on tighter, stepping closer to her.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Why do you think we aren’t meant to be together?” you asked, softening your voice, not wanting her to feel nervous or like you were attacking her.

“Just look at the fairytales in this realm,” she said, “we’re from completely different places.”

“Different places we can travel to,” you countered, “we’re not from different realms.”

“But we are from different stories,” she said.

“Do you think something that small is going to stop me from loving you?”

You said it a lot louder than you’d intended. Her mouth fell open and you saw her eyes flicking around, as if unable to look at you full in the face. You stepped closer to her, until you felt her body heat radiating towards you.

“Just forget how the fairytales go here. We make our own fairytale.”

She finally looked at you properly. She gave her head a small shake but there was something in her gaze that gave you hope. Something soft and yearning, like she was beginning to believe in you.

“We’ve been dancing around this for too long, so I need you to know I’m going to kiss you now,” you said.

She didn’t say anything which you took to mean she was okay with it. You let your lips brush against hers, soft, barely there, giving her time to push you away. She didn’t. Instead, she grasped the back of your neck, pulling you against her, kissing you hard. You sighed into her mouth, only half believing it was actually happening.

She nipped at your lower lip, tongue sweeping in, leaving you feeling thoroughly hot under the collar. All you could do was hold on, kissing her with all the unspoken feelings you’d been hiding from her.

Someone wolf-whistled further down the street. She broke away, staring over her shoulder at Hook, glaring at him. You ignored him, cupping her cheek and pulling her into another kiss. You weren’t about to stop now that you finally had her.

Lesso

Lesso watched from her tower window as your sword shone in the sunlight. You weren’t staying long, only teaching for a semester at both schools, one of the most renowned knights in their realm. Her lip curled, thinking about all the good you’d done, all the evil you’d vanquished.

You shook your hair out of your face, your smile wide. You were sparring with one of the students. You held your hand out, gesturing for them to come towards you. The prince ran at you and you laughed, properly laughed at him. His sword swung and you ducked, rolling out of the way. With a booted foot, you kicked him in the ass, sending him sprawling to the ground.

She turned away, but not before she saw your face turned up to the sky, your smile brighter than the sun.

It became part of her daily routine to watch you teach your class out in the sun. She hated it, the way she was drawn to her window, unable to stop watching you. Your reputation was well deserved and it made her blood boil.

She found herself lying in bed at night, your lessons playing through her mind. She could see the way you handled your sword, the way you moved, so graceful and so powerful. Your smile, the joy you took in the fights, was a sight that made her heart race but she couldn’t figure out why.

Then Dovey was standing at her doorway, smiling that so called charming smile, while you stood at her shoulder. She lent back in her throne like chair, watching you approach.

“I’ve heard you’ve yet to meet our resident knight,” Dovey said, “that’s rather rude given our students are enjoying the lessons so.”

“Yes, yes, I’m acting in a manner befitting evil,” she said.

“Hi, it’s lovely to meet you,” you said.

She finally looked at you properly, and you were so much more radiant than the distance had suggested. You were smiling, but not as brightly as you did in the ring, softer, more intimate. Your eyes were twinkling at her and you held out your hand to her.

She took your hand, surprised by how pleasant the callouses on your palm were against her skin. You were warm and when she looked back at your face, you were biting down on your bottom lip. She wasn’t expecting her breath to catch as she looked at you.

“You’re the reason for the dusty footprints on my students,” she said.

“Guilty as charged.” And the way you smiled made her wish she could ask to go toe to toe with you.

From there, she slowly began to creep closer and closer to your lessons, her interest only growing as she watched. You were surprisingly soft with your students, despite resoundingly beating them in every match. You weren’t afraid to adjust grips and stance, shouting encouragements into the ring. Although you did seem to love throwing them curve balls.

Her favourite was when you caught her eye just before vines began to sprout out of the ground, reaching for the ankles of your students. Her answering grin as one was dragged to ground lit your face up. Maybe you were more interesting than she first thought.

After one such lesson, the ground muddied from a wave of water that had drenched your students, she approached you. You were standing in the middle of the grounds, head tilted back to the sky, grin on your lips.

“I’m surprised Dovey keeps you around when you treat her students so abominably,” she said, trying for a conversational tone.

“She knows they could be attacked by anything,” you replied, “no such thing as a fair fight.”

The way you were looking at her wasn’t fair. It was like you were imagining pinning her down while also yearning to be underneath her. Like you were curious to see what would happen if you let her test out her magic on you. Like you wanted to do unspeakable things with her.

“Not when you’re fighting evil,” she replied.

“Is good always fair in a fight?” you asked, vaulting over the wooden fence, “I must have missed that lesson.”

The twinkle in your eye was the most enticing thing she’d ever seen.

“You’ve been watching my lessons,” you said.

Her heart stuttered but she tilted her chin up, looking down her nose at you. You swiped your hair out of your face again, looking up at her from under fluttering eyelashes. You looked so good, like a perfect little knight fighting for what was right.

“I bet you didn’t expect me to notice, but I did,” you continued, taking those steps towards her, “you’ve been watching me since I arrived.”

You stopped right in front of her, and there was so much mischief in your face it took her breath away.

“Luckily for you, I’ve been watching you too,” you whispered.

“In order to find my weaknesses?” she asked, lifting her eyes to meet yours.

“Because I think you’re the most enchanting creature in existence.”

She froze. You were looking at her, waiting, head tilted to the side. She wanted your eyes off her, didn’t want you to see the way she was struggling to compose herself. You were smiling. She wanted you to stop smiling. It was making her heart do funny things.

“You’re good,” she spat. Your lips pressed together but she could see the mirth on your face.

“And you’re evil,” you replied and she could hear the laughter in your voice.

“This is repulsive,” she said.

“If it’s so repulsive why have you been looking at me that way?” you asked.

“What way?” Her heart stopped.

“Like you’re imagining me naked.”

Her hand shot out, ready to grab you around the throat. You caught her around the wrist, tugging her forward. She wasn’t expecting it, falling against you. Your other arm came around her waist, holding her, and that familiar spark of anger spread through her veins.

“Let me go,” she demanded.

“Not until you admit you want me,” you said, “if it helps, I’ll admit that I want you.”

“You can’t. You’re good and I’m evil. It’s not natural,” she said.

“Forget that. Forget good and evil, and just do what you want.”

She took a moment, staring at you. Then she lunged forward, pulling you in. She kissed you hard, going for harsh, but then you were kissing her back so with so much enthusiasm it turned her breathless. So incredibly breathless.

No one good should be able to kiss that way. It was sinful.

When you drew back, your smile wide and lips kiss swollen, it was the only time she considered switching her allegiance, if only to keep kissing you. Maybe you were thinking of doing the same, switching sides, because you kissed her again before she could catch her breath. With each kiss it became easier to forget you were on opposing sides and it was wrong.

But maybe there was a thrill with it being wrong. She was evil after all.

[fennelrabbit]

Now that people have had time to watch and think about the miniseries, can we agree that Fionna and Cake was really bad, or at least disappointing?

I'm very happy to hear some different opinions if anyone wants to try and change my mind, but now I've had some time to digest what I watched, I can still say my bad feelings on the episodes are exactly the same.

I haven't been able to mention Fionna and Cake's characterisation much, so I'll try and make a bulleted list (read more)

° Cake didn't grow or have to change at all during the miniseries. She was selfish and never had to face any consequences for her choices. Her relationship with Fionna is not wholesome and friendly like Jake is to Finn, but more parasitic. Fionna does things for Cake, and in return Cake doesn't abandon her. Cake still helps Fionna in fights and doesn't want her to get hurt, however Cake doesn't really appreciate Fionna and all that she does for her.

It's particularly bad that Cake isn't very bothered by the fact that the trade-in for a magical world is Simon's sanity, which is another moment of selfishness. This scene is never addressed later, which unintentionally implies that if someone isn't benefitting Cake, she doesn't want to care about them anymore.

° Fionna was also poorly handled. Although the show tries to say that it won't treat Fionna in a sexist way by swapping her skirt for shorts, a large part of Fionna's story still revolves around romance and her relationships with men (platonic or romantic). In fact, there's a pretty substantial lack of female characters (barring Fionna) that have any stage presence or do anything meaningful in the story. The episode with apocalypse PB and Marcy was a refreshing addition, with an interesting conflict between the two women, but it's a shame that they couldn't be included in the larger conflict, as characters can jump across the universe and the story would've really benefitted from their inclusion.

Fionna's character started pretty strongly, introducing her boredom and apathy towards her life (that being a capitalist nightmare of endless job hunting just to pay for rent), but didn't do enough to develop this plotline. It's true that having Fionna stay in Ooo wouldn't push her to grow as a person - Fionna needs to find a way to find happiness in the life that she's given.

However, much like Simon was sent back to his shitty life and basically ordered by the narrative to 'get over it' and 'stop being sad', nothing changes in Fionna's original world. Fionna is sent back to the same old world, with the same old problems, and nothing is really resolved. No solutions are presented to Fionna inside of FionnaWorld, even though her situation is very difficult and not something that can just be fixed with 'life's not so bad'. Fionna should've found a way to experience the thrill of adventure in her world, in a way that wouldn't endanger everyone around her.

° Bringing the farmworld characters to FionnaWorld in the end was a total cop-out, and should've resulted in damaging the multiverse. They did not need to be there.

° Fionna and Cake causing things to glitch around them (damaging the multiverse???) was never resolved or followed up on after Act 1. It's like the story forgot that plot point, which really lowered the stakes.

° Scarab was a weak villain. Though his first episode had a strong introduction, he was very undeveloped, and came across as more of a comedic pest than an actual threat. The final fight between Fionna and Scarab were laughably boring, and I never felt like the characters were in danger at all. One of the weakest finales the show's ever done.

° Rip to Betty, folks. You'd think we'd finally get some backstory on her character beyond being "Simon's gf/love interest", but no. We know she has a mum, I guess? And that she's impulsive. Betty has officially been fridged by the narrative THREE TIMES, and will now forever remain as Simon's dead/absent girlfriend. This is very sad, and not to mention, very anti feminist. We will never know who Betty is outside of Simon.

(She doesn't even get to have a real conversation with Simon as Golbetty. She has a couple of sentences, and then gets on the stupid bus. Betty literally has no voice in the story).

°The dialogue was very weak. I don't have much to say here really, the dialogue was just very basic and badly paced. Subtext doesn't exist in this story. At some point, one of Finn's children literally blurts out that their dead mum made their soup. Very subtle exposition, guys.

° I don't like how Fionna and Cake treated Simon at all. The entire time they were both self centered and very annoying, and their relationship with Simon wasn't developed that much. When Simon described Fionna and Cake as his "friends", it wasn't believable in the slightest. They have no chemistry or real connection as a group.

Well, that's all I could remember for now.

Anyway, feel happy to share your thoughts Adventure Time fans, I'd be happy to hear it!

[omghallucinations]

if when you read an idol's chart without their birth time what aspect of their chart would you be able to know? I'm not that good at astrology but I imagine that maybe i would be able to know the general traits like analytical, eccentric, serious etc. but not where they put that energy towards?? maybe??? like maybe capricorn mars is all about that discipline and work work work but Where is the work though? something like that perhaps.

I love your enhypen reading so much baby. you're really great at making everything easily digestible in a fun way, i especially love the conversation between the planets in your enhypen readings. its Very entertaining.

and I know you're probably busy but if its not too much to ask could you maybe probably possibly do a reading on Leeseo IVE's birth chart? you don't have to of course, i know it might not be as enjoyable to read for a group you don't stan and you might not have the time. love you and have a good day and night <3333

aw thank u i'm so glad, this makes me happy to hear !! <3 and sure i can add leeseo to my list of charts to look at! i don't mind doing people i don't stan esp if they have an interesting chart.

and with time unknown, i talk about it a little bit in hyunjin's birth analysis, bc he doesn't have a known birth time! from a purely practical perspective most planets don't change much, so the degree sign and aspect will be pretty much the same no matter what time of day it is for almost all planets, unless there is a planet at like... 29.99 pisces in the morning that will move .01 degree by the evening to aries. the moon is the only one that moves a lot and sometimes it's still only within the one sign. so moon aspects will be vague, and ascendant and the angles and the houses aren't known, but every other aspect is consistent, even if it might change intensity a little bit (like an exact square at 1:00 am is not exact but still close at 11:55 pm).

it's hard to explain succinctly exactly bc astrology is always a big mix of things, but i don't really see the houses so much as straight up "where in your life you see this", it's more mixy mixy to me--tbh i really do think a house gives your shit a flavor, like an aries sun in the 5th house acts WAY more leo-y (the 5th house is the leo house and also the sun's favorite house) than an aries sun in the 4th house (cancer house) would. and that flavor influences your priorities, so that 5th house aries sun is much more interested in creativity and expressing themselves and like... theater and shit (5th house things) than an aries sun in the 4th, but they are both aries suns so they are both in this world to Act and Shine and Assert Themselves in some fashion. idk if i'm explaining this well it's like very chicken or the egg i guess?

the houses also influence how important different planets can be and other overall Life Direction/Personality/Energy takeaways too--having all/most of your planets in fire houses (1st, 5th, 9th) is very different from having lots in water houses (4th, 8th, 12th), and that is going to influence a reading a lot. if i read jake's chart without his birth time his scorpio placements would give me some idea that there is going to be some like need for self-healing and facing up to his issues, but having those scorpio placements in his 4th house (cancer house, foundation/home house) amplifies it and shows his need not just to deal with his problems but to establish an internal sense of security. with just the scorpio placements and the trines i might not see how big that need is. i'd still see the need though, just not as much, u know?

or like sunghoon's venus-mars conjunction in the 11th house looks like he often acts in a fairly logical way, he wants connection but it's hard for him to really take the plunge. his social exchanges (venus) can sometime feel a little alien or removed, detached-feeling in an aquarius way, but he tries to act in a fair, democratic way that aligns with his ideals (mars, 11th house). if we just saw the venus-mars conjunction in scorpio without the house we'd know he has a like... Pull Towards the Depths and intensity of action that is softened a bit by venus, but we wouldn't see that detachment there. same thing with his pluto-sun conjunction: that's a real pull towards the depths and an issue with his identity, but in his first house it's even more that.

a lot of the time, ideas in a chart repeat over and over and over in aspects and placements and degrees and stuff, so we might see it somewhere else. we see sunghoon's Pull towards the Depths in his scorpio placement, his pluto-sun conjunction, and his tendency towards detachment/reticence/abstraction with saturn opposing mercury and neptune square mars-venus, and other things aside from his 11th house. astrology really likes to hammer themes on the head lol.

basically i'd say my shorter answer is: you can read a lot about someone's tendencies and needs and energy even without the birth time, but some flavors are missing and u don't know if a planet is gonna pop up like BOO, i'm ACTUALLY VERY IMPORTANT AND LOUD, SURPRISE. like bang chan, without a birth time you don't see his jupiter conjunct MC or his pluto-mars conjunction on his descendant, and anything on the angles (asc, dsc, ic, mc,--those 4 lines that split up your chart) is gonna shout. you see a lot of other stuff, but there might be a big piece missing. on the other hand, sometimes u don't have anything on the angles or in the 1st house, so the missing piece would not be quite as big as someone who does.

[mysteryanimator]

Watch it here :D

(heads up for any odd grammar, Grammarly cannot save me from my dyslexia)

I was originally not going to do a breakdown of this because a lot of my breakdowns and thought processes were getting really repetitive (also i was getting embarrassed by them HAHSDASHBDS). BUT boy oh boy this time around I can actually go "wait i can yap without being repetitive here, maybe, idk, we never know until i write it out."

STORYBOARD/ANIMATIC:

It was really fun to adapt AquliaofArkham's fic into a visual format! This is the specific section I had set out to visualize!

(Yes I only did thumbs for that section and freeballed the rest whoops, y'all do not follow by example, i didn't think i was getting this far tbh)

When translating this from written to visual, there were some key points I wanted down:

They are really really close to each other and the barrier between each other is SO thin, but the air is still super thick

visual eye breathing room compressed???

Is having stillness a way to convey that ???

We are following Mizrak's POV, ergo focus on what Mizrak is focusing on, where is his mind going

hold shots for longer???

limited movement due to Mizrak's hyperfocus???

Make shots intentionally heavily detailed ???

Zoom into details???

As much as I am passionate about storyboards, I do tend to get ahead of myself and end up locking myself into lots of close ups HAHAH. I like having each shot matter to me a lottttt so i end up reverting to reusing a lot of super common shot archetypes due to their attached meanings (I'd love to attend/watch some workshops on this, but uni ;-; i'll be free soon dwdw).

By the way, you will notice the animation is longer then the timed storyboard/animatic. This is because I retimed to placeholder dialogue (which y'all will NOT HEAR THATS EMBARRASSING, i dont need ppl to hear me yell clatter lol). Fun fact I originally had it in the first storyboard to help me with timing and then removed it half way through? Not sure why I did that, but regardless I came back around and retimed it so that the length of each shot feels believable enough to hold dialogue and has enough time to be visually digested by you guys.

ANIMATION:

This was a doozy, not because I found the animation hard, this time I actually was satisfied-ish with most of the end result and started implementing different approaches to the animation from all kinds of media; which was my issue LOL. My understanding of animation changed midway through. I can super distinctly see two different approaches, probably because I slipped into that naturally while having animated shows/movies while doing this and I can probably pin point to you which shots was influenced by what show.

First all dialogue and walking forward: rewatched TLOVM b4 season 3 dropped, which by this point is already out, (uh also Nocturne. again HAHAH)

WHICH, you'll see here, two different set ups were taken LOL (also oof you're seeing my setup). Personally, I like keeping my animation folders to the utmost minimum (so like the right! Olrox's folder is a whole character, separate moving bits like lips or even earrings will be in that one folder) because scrolling through can get a tad overwhelming and daunting, BUT, Olrox walking forward had so many small moving pieces with different timings that multiple animation folders was the best way to handle itttttt.

I feel like I only really care abt this BUT FILE MANAGEMENT IS IMPORTANT AAA. You should've seen my file management this time last year, actually horrific, but I'm so glad I figured out how to be cleaner, in turn speeding up my process. (which honestly was just thanks to being thrown into a studio environment and going "Oh my god so that's what I should be doing" and picking up things I noticed from other animators, which genuinely my learning comes from picking me up and throwing me into the deep end)

Secondly, Olrox arm and a scrapped walking scene: I was watching Prince of Egypt (literally that whole week, planning to rewatch again lmao), Sinbad, Road to El Dorado, and then work from Modernday James, Toniko Pantoja, Edward Kurchevsky

Fun fact, the very first walking was intended to be animated, and i redid it about four times before scrapping it completely. The first three iterations i didn't save because they were sooo clunky . It made me realize I gotta revisit my principles again I'm rusty (and i do LOLOLOL). I scrapped the anim because it did not flow into the next shot nicely but, It was good practice regardless HAHA

While mentally I feel like none of the shots match each other, they still do have some cohesion to one another

COMPOSITING:

The new thing, finally manually did the edge shadows in CSP HAHAH.

I will say this too, I got really nervous atp about the overall "quality" of the anim + the backgrounds. I was getting super hung up over it because I was alr worried abt the animation due to the safer choices I made (but also, I don't have to reinvent the wheel LMAO). SO, when I got to comping it was like "oh actually its actually fine LOL".

i stayed pretty sketchy with these since i was getting way too worried about it and wanted this to stay as a fun side project, also these are without comping- they become way more purple with compositing LOL

I feel like here too I ended up doing less then what I normally do, which I think mighttt be on part to finding more efficient ways to go about compositing things together (and faster too).

Also, I definitely got pushed into trying to lower the layer amount when I saw a tweet about layer efficiency/layer stacks and them mentioning applying Mattes and CC Composite. Actually a godsend, I didn't realize I could combine my effects like that to lower the amount.

Also, I swear no amount of precomping can save me from this. There's probably a better way to go abt this um LOL, everyone is getting a peep at my file management.

Also, I'm realizing I could've done a tad more with the actual composition itself, like the placement and movement of Olrox in the scene where he's walking forward. For now I have to leave it, because also, the intent for this one was to have fun rather then making every anim an exercise or else I'd burn out so fast LOL

Side tangent but, I've been digging my heels into the animation school club workshops on youtube rn due to having a moment with the scrapped Olrox side walk. Which holy shit, things have clicked for me, so I'm going to try and do more rough exercises b4 i do another finished anim again. It turned a light bulb in my head LMAO, and it pushed me to do the recent maria anim and mizrak and olrox kiss which has a massively greater understanding of timing and confidence LMAO

Ok now this is To Love a God finished! Another animation done :DDDDDD I'm super happy to be adapting a fanwork, it's always really fun and super exciting to bring other people's stuff to life, which what made this more enjoyable then anything else.

Will I do another polished anim before next year/before s2? Time will tell but for now i rest and speed to finish another semester of uni (there is a high chance for another anim because of a joke tweet i did not expect to get traction lol)

Thank youuu if you stayed this far, this was really lengthy and i think i went into different unrelated tangents, so i hope you enjoyed me pulling you into different directions HAHAHA

p.s i uploaded this to youtube and theres an age restriction BECAUSE OF THE FEET. Not because Olrox tells Mizrak he would fuck him, no it's his FEET. I've tried to appeal it but cant do much LOLOLOL

[mapoeggplant]

skip to loafer chapter 54 analyze // spoilers

how nice is to have a summer vacation with all your friends, your inner demons and your self doubt!! on this chapter, we're once more diving inside shima's mind, exploring the climax of his self discovering arc.

as I've said before, one of the ideas I had for this chapter was a little more of shima's arc, but I'm quite surprised with shima's reaction with everything. not that I was waiting for a big change, because that's not realistic, nor that I was waiting for him to realize things in the blink of an eye (again, impossible). but to see him swim in an ocean of self pity is very surprising to me. and it is because before, when he got something wrong or when he felt like he was being a nuisance, shima would normally shut down all his emotions and ignore everything he might have to deal with.

now, with this new big wave of emotions, it's hard for him not to see himself as a villain or as someone who's ungrateful. this because mitsumi is someone he admires to the core and someone that made him question his own feelings and his idea of love, even tho it's still hard for him to *really* understand what it all means.

I can see a lot of people getting annoyed with him or seeing him as weak, but in my opinion, this just shows how much he grew and how much he's changing. don't get me wrong, he's still stuck with the same demons of his past. but now, he's facing it differently and with a more "I need to change" attitude. this guilt of not understanding himself is corrupting him little by little, something he never felt or faced before.

it's sad to see, specially because seeing him hurt makes me very sad (he got a tummy ache!!! he's a giant baby!!!), but I do feel that it's needed for him to start question his own actions to find a way to change it. and, surprise, surprise, mutsimi is the one to make him not only question his own feelings, but question his own questions of said feelings. he's still facing her back, which is nothing new, since even on chapter 46 he's walking slightly behind her, even holing hands, because he feels he isn't worth it.

shima still have a lot to understand about himself and a lot on his plate to digest. he doesn't understand his love nor understand his annoyance towards himself and other people (the last panel is funny and cute, but I can see him thinking "I'm not deserving of feeling this way").

well, besides shima, I'm happy with everything that is happening around them. this vacation feels amazing and so fun, it feels like a privilege to be able to experience with them as well!! love to see nao comfortable with her own skin in a place that hurt her so much.

love to see mukai and shima playing with kippei, who's so excited and eager to have new people around him (and, who knows, maybe this will inspire shima to play with his own brother!). I'm also happy to see the girls so comfortable around each other, so full of love for each other. they are so happy to be together, so happy to be able to experience the life mitsumi had when she grew up. they are amazing friends. also, to finish it off, I'm happy that mitsumi feels safe enough to introduce her childhood friends to everyone. it's not easy, since you never know what's going to happen, but she's so loved and appreciated that I can't see anything else besides everyone becoming friends.

well, waiting for 2 month for a chapter was worth it. I'm so excited to see what's shima is going to do with all this voices inside his head and excited to see how sensei is going to write them from this point forward. I also hope that we'll be able to see a little more of mitsumi's pov, specially since this is her hometown.

a lot can happen still and this makes me extremely happy. takamatsu-sensei is reminding us again how wonderful and well written her story is. I admire her narrative more and more with each chapter.

thank you for reading 💛 see you in chapter 55!

[motsimages]

I'm curious, is there any particular mutant or plotline you'd like to see out of an X-Men film? Would you want it to be part of the MCU or totally separate?

(Assuming the studio isn't cowardly and is willing to use characters/storylines that haven't been in successful films before)

mmm Well, I am not superfamiliar with the original MCU X-Men other than the movies (I have never read the comics) so I don't know what they already have or what they work with.

I really really liked Nightcrawler, even though he appeared very little in the original X-Men movies. I liked that he was European and that he was very religious, and he was also very sweet, so I would like to see more of his life.

Tbh, as it often happens with things that are very US, I tend to imagine how they'd be in Europe or in other places. Offering a world view of the mutant situation would add a lot to the metaphors of LGBT rights or disability.

Cultural differences between mutants would be fun. "In my country you would never show off your powers like that, it's best if nobody knows what you can do", "In my country, everyone who has powers just uses them all the time. My uncle works for the ministry of agriculture to invoke rain and stop storms that are too big, he also volunteers in a climate change NGO, but if he were going around like Storm people would probably not like it, what a show off".

It's not necessarily a whole plotline, but they could just have that as a comic relief or something.

If we were going to do something completely different from the MCU, average mutants. I am nothing if I am not costumbrist so... People who have some power or some difference but not superhero level of stuff. Someone who looks like Hank but that's it, no superstrength or anything, just hairy and blue. Or a guy who is unsure he is actually telepathic, maybe he is just very intuitive? Is he manipulating you because he thought about something very strongly or you just changed your mind? The jury is still out. Or moving tiny objects a little bit but no amount of training make it move bigger objects or further. And that's it, them going on about their lives. Parents trying to get their children to school in an average school and having to bring the law in regards to disabled and mutants so that their child gets the adaptations. The whole "we don't like your gf" because she can walk on walls (up to 1 meter high).

I mean, there has to be a scale. They even mention in movies the level of certain mutants, so some of them have to be level 0.5 and just be able to digest some metallic objects very fast.

What about you? What would you like to see?

[cookinguptales]

Excited to see that you watched vampterview! You always have such fun and interesting commentary on stuff. No pressure of course but I'd look forward to any Sarah takes you might have on it 👀

Who knows? Maybe! I'm about to go on a three-week road trip, but we'll see how much time I have!

I'm still digesting a bit, I'll admit, and I really don't know what's already been discussed to death in the fandom. Personally, my academic interests were always really focused on stories, how we tell them, how we internalize them, and how we can't help but put ourselves, our experiences, and our biases into our retellings of them. To be loved is to be changed when memories of us live in the hearts of others, y'know?

So... I'd say that I was really interested in the ways they played with unreliable narrators in the series. How the concept of the sanctity of primary sources was really dismantled. Because they were all primary sources and they were all telling completely different stories! Whether it was due to misremembering, bias, or literal mind control, even the written sources simply could not be trusted.

I remember there was this really formative experience for me was when I was 16 years old and taking summer classes at UChicago. I was studying Egyptology there, which meant I was spending a lot of time at the Institute for the Study of Ancient Cultures (formerly the OI) studying and translating the artifacts there.

I don't remember all the details (though I guess I could probably pin down the particulars if I combed through their collections) but I remember seeing two ancient accounts of the same war written by both sides -- and both accounts claimed victory. And, y'know, whether each side had a different definition of victory or whether someone was just straight-up lying... I mean. It brings up the idea of an unreliable narrator on a massive historical scale.

Sometimes, particularly with older historical events, we're only going to have scattered archaeological fragments that we can piece together. Sometimes we have to do a lot of guessing and detective work to come to any conclusion at all. And historically, we have prioritized written accounts over all other forms of evidence. But, y'know... people lie. Or they misremember. Or they misconstrue. Reconstructing history not just through first-person accounts but by looking at other evidence and questioning those accounts is crucial. And even then, we'll probably never find any objective "truth," if objective truth even exists in a situation like that.

So... like, an unreliable narrator is nothing new in media. But framing it through Daniel, who is a nonfiction writer trying to make sense of all of these different testimonies to construct an actual historical narrative... That made it really interesting to me. It wasn't just all of these different vampires stating their truths. It was Daniel trying to sort through all of the misdirection to find out what actually happened. And the show makes it clear that, while he gets close, he'll probably never know all the details for sure. It simply isn't possible.

So IWTV, to me, was a really interesting look at the impossibility of constructing an objective historical narrative, especially when speaking about very old events with few sources. You have mentally ill vampires who are several decades removed from the events in question, you have contemporaneous (but very biased) journal entries, you have newspaper clippings written by journalists who had very little information, you have artifacts that may (or may not!) confirm certain testimonies...

idk. I guess while I do have thoughts about the characters and their motivations, I was more interested in the way that things were framed and presented in the show. I thought that was really neat.

[welcome-to-oslov]

Dear Author

Let me explain by saying that my first language is not English, so I apologize in advance if there is anything that is not understood or causes misunderstandings my intention is far from that.

I don't know how to express what you feel once you finish Oslov unraveled, have you ever read/seen something so good that it becomes part of you and you are doomed to spend your life thinking about it to every time you hear a song think about how well the character does or when you hear a phrase think about how the story applies, to every minute of your existence that story lives in the sea of your thought when you finish and not process it like a storm and then like a gentle undercurrent in your mind that will stay there YEARS. ...WELL THAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME WITH OSLOV'S KEY.

I swear I will be eternally grateful that I found this in the jumble of tags I was looking for one afternoon for fun and found this story AND DEVOURED IT IN LESS THAN 3 DAYS (everything except the prequel with Malsha I'm not mentally prepared for that yet I feel I have to digest all of this first) I don't Know where to begin to explain why this story is so good, I still have to process a lot of what I just finished reading so here are a few points.

Most works of fiction in ao3 with sla/ver/y represented in is not well represented or written and although in Oslov slavery is not allowed as you rightly say is the best way to define what happens to Tilrey and other characters, where most would fall into a case of stockholm syndrome or a too naive and simplistic denouement, you have known to take your time to explain why this system has remained so long, what is wrong with it and that changes do not happen overnight.

The way this revolution happens when janta turns off the lights and the characters are mixed each with their own agenda with Einara's plan starts because she wants to be more extreme than Tilrey and how there are groups trying to take advantage of all the chaos, something I really liked is that I remember fictions where the theme of revolutions are about only one point here we see several from Besha who only wants to benefit his own interests , Davita and the others who tries to preserve the status quo because it always benefit them and those who have been oppressed by it like Steffan and Tilrey finally stepping forward.

The characters I have no words to explain the level of three-dimensionality they have no white doves and totally evil characters ( except Veran and others who definitely deserve a painful death ) it is full of gray characters who we have seen how the system affects them and we can only wonder if in another society or if x situation had not affected them they would be better love each one from Gersha to Einara and what to say about Tilrey he stole my heart ( something I love is that in my language Tilrey would be read as a compound name " Til-.Rey and Rey means king which basically shows some leadership skills that the character is going to take).

How they talk about and the characters deal with trauma one of the chapters I liked the most is when Tilrey and Einara talk about how they endured the rapes by letting go of their mind and Tiley explains dissociation plus how they have a hard time letting go of dehumanizing themselves after all the treatment they've been through.

I definitely have to read this again calmly to analyze more I plan to stop by ao3 to drop this off and when time permits and leave a comment on each chapter.

I'm sorry if this comment is too long, but I had to vent this is an amazing story that should be published somewhere because of how well narrated and the complexity of the issues it deals with because god I need more people to read it.

I just wrote a longer response to this on AO3, but I just want to say again, thank you!!! ❤️❤️ Comments like this mean the world to me.

I’m reaching the point where I feel very tempted to publish these stories, and I do have some knowledge of how to do that and the advantages and pitfalls of the different methods. I always come back to the fact that only immensely popular fics (or original stories) do well in the marketplace, and this seems to be more of a niche story. Still … thank you for giving me another reason to consider it.

[scoonsalicious]

OKAY I'M HERE. Sorry, I'm late. Funnily enough, we're on opposite sides of the world so your update time is waaaayyy too early in the morning for me so I usually read it when I wake up (shocking I know, digesting this traumatic but amazing masterpiece early in the morning) but since school has started up again and I have morning classes I haven't been able to. So do expect my reports to be a lil later than usual. ANYWAYS ENOUGH ABOUT ME.

Let's start with Steve and Pocket. I totally forgot that both of them were under the influence during that time and while they did get a little frisky (I also find it so funny how Pocket doesn't have much of a reaction. it was all Steve. It was as if she already knew she could never orgasm with this man. like homegirl was dry during that I just know it) I'm glad they didn't go far and were able to actually realize how much of a mistake it would've been because not only for obvious reasons like that's your ex's best friend but also the intoxicated thing. It wouldn't have done any good to Poxket's mental state es; especially knowing Steve's feelings. But hey, he stopped it. Literally the bare minimum for any man but the bar currently in hell (looking at you Benson) so. Good on Steveioli.

Now with the heart-to-heart, I'm so glad Pocket was able to unload all that and actually have a good cry for once. And, for Steve, as much as I still find him kinda fishy (I still do think he has a hand in ruining their relationship, that he isn't as innocent or this knight and shining savior that he's showing. I just know Steve did something and pulled some strings so i don't trust him fully yet), he made some very good points. I do agree with what he said about Bentley. We can only really imagine what he went through with Hydra. And the point too where there are some parts Bison himself doesn't remember at all but his body and psyche do. We can sympathise and everything but we never truly understand it. Do I think Josiah is the only person who understands? I don't think so either. Not to discredit her experience or whatever but I don't think what she went through was entirely the same or close because I still do think she's still a spy got them (maybe that's me not liking her lol). But the fact is, she's the closest person who could understand, in Brennon's eyes anyway. Does that excuse everything he's done? Absolutely fucking not. But does that information change how I judge him? Of course. I still truly believe that there's more to this onion (because layers ha ha) than meets the eye. He still fucking fucked up and he still has so much work to do on himself before he can even have the chance to earn Pocket's trust again. But I can give him some grace, and understand that his mind probably wasn't in the best place at that time which led to bad decisions.

I saw some people claiming that Blair never truly loved Pocket, and while I can see why that seems to be the fact because he does have a shitty way of showing it, sometimes, we can't stop ourselves from hurting the people we love (to an extent obvs. if they cheat & are abusive & toxic etc. leave their ass. but again, in the context of the fic, it's definitely more complicated than that). That's just reality. But what truly matters is what we do after the fact. Not that it makes it okay, I'm not saying that at all. It's still not an excuse to hurt people and be a shitty person. What I mean is that not everything is as black & white as it seems. In this case, there's no such thing as 100% evil and 100% good (except Judas who has a special place in hell). These are flawed, broken, and complicated characters, and you the amazing writer has shown that greatly. So we should all take that into account instead of just saying this person is 100% wrong so he deserves to die, or This person is 100% right so I'm just going to support everything they're doing no matter the consequences even if it hurts other people. So I do think he truly and utterly loves Pocket with everything that he is, but when you've got someone who's out of his time, has so many issues, isn't in the best mental and emotional state, has been through so much trauma and has self-destructive tendencies, do we really think he knows what to do with such a powerful emotion? Better yet, he does love her, but in this case, it's just not enough. Love isn't the only thing that keeps a relationship healthy after all. But I will say, that love will also be the one that will push him to do better.

Now, with Mr. Bunana and his Audacity to barge onto Pocket like that. The hypocrisy is outstanding. Gold medal worthy. But then again, he did see them leave the party after basically humping each other on the dance floor, he did see Steve leave her bedroom and he did see Pocket in Steve's shirt. When you're already insecure as hell and have fucked up one too many times, I can't blame him for jumping to conclusions. I also can see how distraught he was though, and not to be mean, but he does kinda need this for him to wake the fuck up. And again, the audacity to cause a whole scene about it too as if he has any right. But, unpopular opinion, I don't see an asshole at all. I see a broken man who's spiraling out of control and is hitting rock bottom as we speak. He's grasping at straws, he has no idea what to do with himself, and he's lost everything, and for a man who's been at war for the last 70 years, what's the one thing he knows best? Fighting. So, he fights.

The toxic masculinity was so on point. When Pocket picked up the water I was cheering this whole time lmao. Absolute wild animals these men sometimes. She honestly should just have a spray bottle in hand, spray them when they act up. Also, that line about where's Steve hand was made me CACKLE. Like yes queen. They deserve to break each other's face a lil for thinking they can decide for Pocket and what she does with her body honestly.

Lastly, because goodness me this is long. We're off on this mission, and I really do share Tony's concerns (and he's so sweet and caring about Pocket. I'm glad he's by her side. Also can't wait to see how they met!) This mission is going to take a toll on Pocket more than she's going to expect. She's using this as a distraction with what's been going on recently, and that's not good. Because I don't think she fully realises the gravity of what she's about to go into. I'm thankful that Sam is there. But I just know, something about this mission is going to go so bad for Pocket. Maybe not physically, and the mission would end up a success, but mentally and emotionally? ESPECIALLY when she's already on a fragile state right now? Sigh. I won't like it, but shit about to hit all the fans.

Anyway. You're amazing as always. I always enjoy getting to pick at the details of your writing and it makes me giddy with excitement that I actually manage to nail some points hahaha. Keep doing what you're doing and don't forget to take care of yourself!

P.S. I love Sam and Pocket's friendship. I need more of them being best buds please and thanks.

— Jnon 🤍

Beloved Jnon, Please do not apologize for being "late!" It actually worked out in my favor, as I have been staying up too long into the night to respond to you, so this actually works well, because it's mid-day here and I actually got some sleep. Not enough, but I'm working on it lol. Reading Unwanted first thing in the morning sounds like a rough way to start your day! All the angst!

Yeah, Pocket had absolutely no reaction with Steve, lol. It was seriously all the MDMA, making her crave physical touch, and when she kind of came down more to herself and realized it was Steveoli who was doing the touching? Well, let's just say it was dryer than the Sahara down there, lol. Ah, the little details that don't make it into the finished work! I can confidently say though, that if Pocket hadn't stopped it, herself, Steve most definitely would not have. Steve needed to hear Pocket break down in front of him, to see how she was affected by all of this. It was a wakeup call for him, and it allowed me to say some of the stuff I wanted to say about Bucky's state of mind without having Bucky say it himself (because who could believe him?!?) In later chapters, we'll get some first-hand insight into what kind of experience Juggalo had with Hydra, herself, and how those experiences shaped her connection with Barnstormer (intentionally vague wording here). I so fucking love how you are on the same page with me re: Bucky's mental state and motivations. Fucking love it.

And he is 100% flawed in this fic. He's trying to navigate this new world he doesn't understand, with all these sexual and social rules he doesn't understand. And I'd like to take a moment to point out that, in my timeline, Bucky has maybe spent a fraction of the time in Wakanda that he does in the MCU. Like, right now, in the story, it's about 2019-ish, meaning our Bucket left Wakanda sometime in 2017, probably less than a year after the events of Civil War, meaning that our Bucky has not done NEARLY as much mental healing as Canon!Bucky. So, when Canon!Bucky tells Cap that he's a "semi-stable 100 year old man" in Infinity War (which I just rewatched last night for Unbroken research!), our Bucket is even less so.

Right now, if there's one thing he's absolutely sure of, it's that he loves Pocket. But you're right, love is not longer enough here. Not for the two of them, not any more. Pocket's already realized that, and Bucket's just starting to.

Let's talk Bucky Barnes and the Audacity of this Bitch! When he barged into Pocket's room to accuse her of sleeping with Steve, he definitely wasn't thinking about what he'd done. He was thinking about confronting evidence of the worst thing he could imagine. It was one thing for him to conjure up the idea in his head, but it's driving him absolutely crazy to see physical evidence of it with his own eyes (even if its just circumstantial physical evidence!). I want to say, though, that even after he thought they slept together after her party, HE DID NOT go running to Jackrabbit for comfort-- I think that's progress! :D Right now, all he knows is how to fight, and how to hurt-- himself, and other people. It's all he's done for 75 years. Pocket was beyond livid over the two of them fighting about her, without really seeming to care about her-- just who got access to her body. Girl lived that life too long as a child; she was done with it long ago. I do like to imagine, though, that after she and Sam left, Bucky and Steve started fighting again, but this time they're all wet from being dowsed in water, so their shirts are sticking to them, and the fight is very homoerotic.... Finally, Tony's concerns for Pocket are very, very valid. He's kind of forcing her to regress, and he's really scared about what that might do to her mentally. Not to mention, she's putting herself in a dangerous position where women are being kidnapped and trafficked. He's got the utmost faith in her; it's just everyone else he doesn't trust. I love getting your messages, I love discussing the story with you! It makes me so happy! I promise there's one more good Sam/Pocket scene!

[lutawolf]

TharnType Episode 4

My other reviews can be found here. In each of my posts, I find myself having to constantly explain why problematic art is necessary, but it's also about rights. If someone is allowed to tell you what is appropriate art, they are essentially telling you how to think and feel. It negates the ability to think for yourself, and I will fight tooth and nail for that.

As many of you have seen from my reviews, there are toxic things in what MAME writes, but there are good things too. A lot of important things that can be learned from even problematic art. History is filled with people who've grabbed artworks, from paintings to books and put them away, saying they were not appropriate or okay. Dictatorships that states that as a society we are incapable of censoring itself. It was someone else saying that they knew what was best for us, even though there was no harm.

That's the reason I don't have ownership and rights over my own body. Because someone else said they have the right to decide for me. That they would tell me what to do with my body because, I might not make the decision they deem correct. And before I hear comments of, body rights aren't the same as what these bls are doing. It's all about taking away a person's right to choose and think for themselves.

I'll get off my soap box and start this episode. Sorry! 😘 We start off the series with Type being shredded online by people who assume they have a right to. Never mind that they violated his space and his rights. And people are ganging up on Type despite only hearing one part of the narrative. There is a lot to take in and digest in this work, it's not one dimensional at all.

Tharn comes in looking at Type with pity, which is going to grind a victim/survivor's gears. We want your understanding, not your pity. I'm not going to tell you my story for sympathy, I don't fucking want it, I had enough of that to make me sick. Nothing will cause hackles to go up faster on a survivor than that look he is giving right there.

Why Type says is very valuable here. He says, do you hate me for what I said or are you using me as an excuse to diss homosexuals. Now think about it, Type didn't want to live with Tharn, but other than that we don't see talking shit about homosexuals. He doesn't want to associate, and he doesn't want them to touch him, but he doesn't say anything until Tharn because Tharn is in his space. He needs him out of his space because he's scare. Furthermore, he is fully aware that his hate is irrational, but he is unable to change it. Not necessarily because he doesn't want to, but because the block is so high and heavy. He sees this as his karma. Another indication that he is well aware that his hatred isn't right. MAME is trying to show that sometimes hatred has a deep seeded reason. Doesn't make that hatred right, but shouldn't we have compassion? Are all of us so guilt free and bias free that we have the right to not show compassion?

"Nosy and worry have two different meanings." Tharn is reacting to Type with kindness and it's making ripple effects. You can see it. Type recognizes it and puts up his angry wall to cover his weakness. Tharn sees through it though and grabs onto him. Type has been in days of regression and stress, so he immediately freaks. But Tharn only wants to be him to eat. Then they begin to talk and Tharn tells Type that he doesn't care what others think, he knows he is innocent. This is what breaks Type. Being seen. Tharn begs him to talk to him, but he wasn't expecting the reality of it. The way Type tells the story of his SA is very accurate. I don't know of another way of describing it. It's stark and direct while still carrying emotion. The book is actually much more descriptive, but accurately descriptive. In the book, it talks about sensory memory, which is not something that a nonvictim-survivor is going to think to describe. This is someone who knows exactly what they are talking about and, in my opinion, as someone very familiar with therapeutic writing. Is therapeutic writing. People don't want to hear your story, it hurts them, but it hurts us to keep it in.

Tharn stops him from telling anymore, and that's pretty normal too. When you care about someone, it is very difficult to listen to. When Type tells Tharn he hates him. He returns the comment with compassion. Not hate. Not how he shouldn't lump them all together. But with compassion. Why? Because Type is still hugging him as he says it. There are clear indicators that Type does not hate him or really gays, but he has hard limits that he can't handle.

Everything Type says is valid. Type is very uncomfortable with Tharn there. He just told him something personal and private, and he fears it getting out. Victims and Survivors rarely want their story out. I do it because you guys don't know who I am. I'm anon behind this computer, but in real life. Well, some do because I went to court, but I'm sure as shit not sharing my story. I don't want that pity. That's exactly what Type is worried about, but instead Tharn steps up. He didn't have to, this was an act of love.

Tharn tells Type that he tells them that he likes him. Tharn bites his lip and let's go of his angry death grip. He doesn't hit or yell at him. There is no act of aggression like before. What does this say. It says before we saw acts of homophobia from Type because he was scared. Not, there is a comfort level with Tharn to where he doesn't feel that fear anymore. "We almost tore each other heads off, but if you try to understand him. You know he is a good guy."

Tharn admits that he over pushed his boundaries with Type. Which is what exacerbated the situation with them. He forces them to admit that they touched him. The thing to take from this is Tharn does realize that he is some of the trigger here, and that Type wouldn't typically react like this. He knew they had touched him without having to ask Type. "When people hate someone or something, they don't want to be near them. But you touched him and forced him for photos. How is he wrong if he got mad? And you never asked him why he hates or fears gays." Exactly Tharn, exactly. I mean, the same could be said for Tharn, but he's learning. Sometimes, you learn the hard way.

Type explaining about the media. See, victims and survivors don't like pity for a reason. Honesty leads to honesty. Tharn is honest about liking Type. Then he backs off. Before he would have kept pushing, but now he is backing it off and just letting Type think. See the smile that Tharn gives when Type just lays down. It's a win. There is no anger or raging. He just lays down. No comfort blanket.

Type comes back to the dorm and is his normal aggressive self. Remember, though, that this is used to cover his emotions. Tharn has started to figure this out, hence the smile when Type asked why he came back early. There is now an open, honest communication there, while Type is still using a macho man attitude to hide his insecurities. He isn't lashing out and attacking. There is a release to talking about your trauma, and Tharn gave him that, then he protected him. There was already attraction, but now there are feelings. Type is naturally going to fight this, but Tharn, he understands Type now. Which makes him harder to fight. There is no anger, just compassion, caring, and love. Which is what a victim/survivor longs for.

In the book when Type asks Tharn to sleep with him and Tharn asks who will top. It's pretty accurate, too, and many of you who have read enough of my blog would recognize some things. Such as Type talking about vomiting at the idea. How many of you were even aware that was something at a lot of survivors still do, even years later? The reason why I bring this up, is because I have had so many people be like, "I never heard that MAME was a survivor." Well, it's all right there to see. She doesn't need to verbally tell you. She is telling you through her art, you just have to look.

Type Now, Tharn is one hundred percent aware that Type is not having sex with him due to owing. He knows the attraction is there. He's very politely not calling Type out on it. For Type's part, he's just lying to himself. Which is very human nature. We can clearly see whose experienced sexually and who isn't. Fyi in the book Tharn started having sex at a very early age and admits to being basically a man whore. While Type has had one high school gf.

Book Excerpt: Tharn took out a hand and stroked my back and my tight back muscles. Caressed me contentedly. I always wanted to get touched like that…

Type tells Tharn, "I'm a man, don't treat me as a woman." It's not meant to be a put down to women. It's mean as that macho cover up of, I am never weak. Don't treat me as weak. Then, them going to the doctors to get test together is one of my favorite parts. It's the way Tharn now talks to Type. It's a charming, begging, and canoodling type of way. And it works like a charm, in the way that anger and commands wouldn't work on Type. And Tharn's face, all huge smile when Type says sex only.

Did anybody pay attention to Tharn's sex story? Notice his face. He might be saying it was consensual, and maybe it doesn't haunt him like Type's does, but he regrets it whole heartily.

Techno inviting Tharn is to eat with them is so Techno. He is so shipping them hard. Tharn being thrilled that Type knows his favorite drink. The back and forth truly shows how they are perfect for each other. And can he preform his duty tonight. 🤣🤣🤣

Well, that it for this episode. Hope you guys found it insightful. 💜💜💜