#I'm so overwhelmed rn there is so much happening
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STRINGCHEESE
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Heeeey. So. You remember my little Jonstalking accounting office comedy fic? Yes? No? Well I was thinking about how bad I am at writing emails and then I wrote this instead of either of the two really really important emails that I need to write as soon as possible.
Word of warning: this is barely edited. Probably it makes sense if you haven't read the first fic? But maybe it doesn't. Idk. They're in an office. Jon is obsessed w/ Elias to a bizarre and unhealthy degree.
Anyway. Uh. Enjoy?
The thing about emails, Jon thought with great bitterness, was that they required so much unnecessary nonsense. In an ideal world, Jon would be sent a file with a short, no-nonsense explanation of what it was and what he was meant to do with it, which he could then send back without any pointless toff that only served to waste everyone's time. It was degrading. (It also, sort of, made Jon feel as if he was taking a test he had never studied for in a degree everybody else had a PHD in.) Tragically, just about every job on the planet required them on occasion, and also if he didn't complete and submit this particular file by the end of the day, he would probably be penalized. Unable to put it off any longer, he opened Microsoft Outlook with the expression, posture, and exact emotions of a man facing the gallows. The social script for an email, as best as Jon could tell, was as followed:
Standard Greeting. Jon preferred to default to an inoffensive hello. (Elias preferred 'dear,' followed by the name of the employees or departments being contacted. Jon thought it was far more emotional vulnerability than he would be comfortable showing to others.)
Irritating Small Talk. Jon usually skipped this step. (He had tried it exactly three times and each time he had wanted to cut off his fingers. He could just never make it sound natural. Or care about the topic. Elias was overly fond of it, and yet never managed to let anything slip either time Jon tried it with him. (Slick bastard.) (What is he hiding?))
The Subject of the Email (with lengthy explanation and seamless transition attached, of course). Jon had found this part especially challenging, mostly because he couldn't simply attach a file and call it a day. (Elias was (naturally) quite talented in this arena. Jon had dedicated a section of his notebook to copying and analyzing several of his emails, but has gleaned little knowledge of the craft and even less of Elias himself.)
The Conclusion. Jon usually gave up by that point. A simple "regards" was all he had the patience for. (Elias also used "regards" often, but usually also had some segway or conclusion to make it clear that you had reached the end of the message. He also included a long, fancy signature, which was near identical to the signatures Jon had seen in emails from other managers.) It took him just over ten minutes, several aborted attempts at sounding like a human person who was not being held at gunpoint and forced to follow appropriate social rules, and ultimately giving up on writing something acceptable to send it in. Jon allowed himself a few brief moments to bask in the knowledge that the message was sent, and another would not be demanded of him for at least the rest of the day. It was a cold comfort.
#can I get away with not putting this in the je maintags? because i'm shy?#anyway yeah i promise i do one day intend to finish the whole entire fic#hopefully you will be able to learn what elias' Deal is#and i will as well! i do not know what it is either#(although i CAN promise that he is sooooo normal about jon guys. no really he's so normal!!)#also yes this snippet is 99.9999% projection. including the part where saying 'dear [name]' is too much emotional vulnerability#that's a real thing i feel about calling someone 'dear' in an email. i'm so good at being a person you guys.#i don't actually have that much more to say rn#i want to respond to messages but i've put some of them off for so long its become overwhelming at this point.#if you sent me a message i'm really worry. i don't know what happened.#anyway that's it i think.#sparkwrites#accounting au
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they should invent a phd that doesn't have numerous pressing deadlines. just for me. <3
#:)#my activity kind of dropped off again but that's because last week i was told i need 5000 words of my thesis in by mid december#*and* i've got this other thing with an early january deadline so it's A Lot rn#something like 8000 words of writing and like 2000 pages of reading in the next 4 weeks. kind of overwhelming a little lol#i'm handling it but handling it and navigating Horrors and also other things doesn't leave you with much spare breathing room i gotta say#if i play my cards right i might get a day or two next week free#if that happens that should be enough wiggle room to finally get the umineko writeup done#very mad about that in particular not being finished because i'm like 2000 words max away from being done there#literally all i need is a good three to six uninterrupted hours of work and that's handled#absolute worst case my christmas break is december 18 through january 8 so i'll figure something out then
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ouhh the tired __(xox _/ )\__
#just me hi#ouhrr#was up til 4-5 playing games w/ my siblings lol#Really need to get a clock for this room hfsvh#been tired for a couple weeks now though. the Eternal Non-Rest hfh#like anywhere from 3-5 i'd just get Tired and just wouldn't recover until i had a nap which is illegal or something so i just gotta power#through til 7 or 8 lol :')#but that's not the case rn this is through my own actions or lack thereof jfhvsh#//also thinking abt it and how much do you Actually think before you speak?#i thought that was really stupid when i was little because talking is just like using your hands. you don't really think about it. it just#kinda Happens lol#but i have like 3 filters that things go through unconsciously; the Cuss Prevention. the Queer Filtration. and the Emotions'#Gloves. aside from those there is no filter lmao - what happens happens. this is usually to my detriment :/ hfhsvh#thinking about it anyway. not much to say about it i just think it's neat :>#communication is a Marvel !#//anywho also Why have my hands been getting raw so quickly recently gfshvh#i just barely noticed it today. now either that's me having a Moment or my hands just being overwhelmed by wortor. i don't like either very#much hfsh#//oh oh was also thinking abt when i was like 5 or something - somewhere around that age. maybe a bit older ? - and the feeling of newly#washed blankets was like. a Whole Feeling. like smell ✓ touch ✓ <- that's it that's the whole range of human experience hfbvshfb :3#it was a Whole Thing. dunno how else to say. and not like how an Event feels bigger when you're little. just that blankets felt nicer then#yknow? yeea lol :)#//anywho i'm gonna go eat some spaghetti#the hair of food fr..#alright ciao :> /
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when I love something this much and get overwhelmed by it whyyyye does it then make me want to harm
#like it happens more and more often lately#and i don't! like I'm couple hours over 29 days clean rn. so it's not like i indulge the desire or anything. it just gets more and more#frequent that that desire is there like the overwhelm threshhold keeps getting closer and closer to my everyday life and that scares me tbh#bc im not even back at uni yet#this is why i think it's veryvery likely that the habit will :) return :) with a vengeance during uni :) (aaaaaa :(((( )#tw sh#personal#puddleglum hours#i don't UNDERSTNAD this i hate it#i hate it so damn much#can i just. does that mean i cannot actually experience things that bring me pleasure because somehow that magically translates to#'go harm so you can calm down' like what is my brain doing i hate this#also it makes it harder to breathe as wel apparently#and ive got hardlyanything done this evening and i had stuff to do :<#so! i had a wonderful time watching that film and now i hate myself :)
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Considering taking a week off to try and get some energy back
#but i'm not sure if a break will make me worse. hmm..#i have so many projects i want to work on but my brain is just... congested and dull. no inspiration and no new ideas come out#i've been out of school for a few weeks now and i don't think i've relaxed at all. like i'm so exhausted i can barely get up the stairs#not sure exactly what's going on but i'm also dealing with other people's stressors in life rn and it's very overwhelming#i really just want to draw and write now that i have the time but i can't create anything...#hoping that after tonight i'll start to feel better. the build-up waiting for the stressful event is always the worst.#i just wish Things would stop happening? it's relentless and utterly exhausting at this point. i can't even begin to recap.....#being p much the sole supporter of a friend who is going through tragedy after tragedy while i had my own family tragedy and school#at the same time has really been....... not fucking great. in fact i'm very close to getting her bf's number so i can yell at him#to get his ass back over to canada to fucking help his girlfriend during possibly the worst time of her life. he should be here. period.#so i'm going to dinner. i'm going to help her and listen to her unload for the day because i love her. and then i'm going to sleep#for 12 hours
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Ya girl just set up her first official teaching interview! 💚💚💚
#I am SO excited!#Job fair last week was 100% worth it!#there's so much happening rn and it kinda makes me want to scream#in both a yay way AND an ahhhh way#it's a lil bit overwhelming#BUT.. I'm going to make it!
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#life is so much rn but in a deeply empty way#is anything happening? no#could i handle it if anything Did happen? absolutely not#do i also feel deeply overwhelmed by the fact nothing is happening? yup.#next week is going to be very stressful but i can't even feel like i'm unwinding ahead of the stress bc i'm just Not#i cant do things i like but not bc i'm busy just bc my brain is Not Happening#(... i am however questioning if maybe being off my meds for 3 days isn't helping matters)#jay screams into the void
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feel like i'm about to burst into tears at any minute
#idek what is bringing this on#i just...want to run away. from everything.#:////////#so much can happen in a year#i used to be so happy and focused#and now i feel like such a waste of space#i feel like i'm wasting my life#and that scares me so much#i'm terrified of becoming everything i never wanted to be#wow i'm really gonna just have to marry rich asap huh#i have since started and stopped crying since starting this post#roacc#i just feel very overwhelmed rn and idk why
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lallaaalalala just some things on my mind
#this has been a rant#<- in advance. im going off in the tags. xo#getting close to making a decision abt doctoral programs is STRESSING ME OUT even tho i think ik which i'll choose#one ik will be a good school environment and will be manageable but the other has much. better training and will prep me for#literally anything i could want to do with a whole ass doctorate afterwards when im licensed#next thing. i fucking hate that i have no clue what i look like objectively lmfao. losing weight is great and all (healthy) but#it's fucking with my idea of myself even more than it ever was bc. now it's a 'bad' thing that some things look big on me#(bc THEY FUCKING ARE lol) like today i ended up buying some clothes and yay great but like. my mom was like#yeah so you can wear these instead of what. ur wearing now bc that's gotten big on you etc#and im just ksjghdf it's just a little baggy and also i like it?? but ok whatevesjkdkfdhkh i like the. new ones too im juyst. ??#just in general there's always gonna be Something yknow? annoying. anyway#next thing is that im away w family rn and lovemy fam love spending time with them but it;'s been TWO DAYS and im already#losing......so much patience with some people like. my younger cousins. im. GRR.and i love having some other people around#but we're meeting up w the rest of our group tom and we'll basically be DOUBLE in size for the next week plus and im so#nervous that i'm already at my last nerve with everyone adn that i'll be too overwhelmed/tired/etc that i won't enjoy the rest of the trip#next thing is that it's WILD graduation is literally in six weeks but so mmuch has to happen before then it's making me dizzy#other side note thing im beyond excited to see taylor and have weird anxiety about it but meh. im fucking PUMPED#another thing. it's someones bday tomorrow who ive had a Rough year with (ive mentioned stuff abt them before) and it's just. weird feeling#i dont rem if they even texted me for my bday now im curious im gonna go look lmfao but. obv i'll text them anyway#it's just ... lots of weird feeling thinking abt how much has changed in a year with them. shrug#ok maybe that's it woo
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playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there
#how do i tell her she needs to break up with him immediately. posthaste.fuck it funny post over rant incoming tw emotional abuse i think#nyarla dni#(<- roomie and nyarla have met and i don't wanna air roomie's drama to ppl who know her w/o her consent. anon internet ppl only)#listen i'm normally for gentle advising and that's probably what i'll do since i don't want to stress her out but oh my fucking god what is#his problem. he's constantly putting her in these weird no-win situations where the only right answer is to never be upset or disagree or b#wrong on accident or be misunderstood by him and to tell him everything she's feeling so she's not 'playing mind games' but if she says wha#she's feeling he'll interrogate her and badger her with the same questions over and over again insisting she's unreasonable until she gives#in and says she's sorry with an attitude he likes. i fucking don't like him. and a lot of this is observations from today. the day after sh#GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT AND BROKE HER NECK. WHAT THE FUCK.#it's like he expects to be treated like a king on one of the worst days of her life and when she's upset he's like OH. OH I GET IT.#and lectures her on having attitude and taking things out on others when she's literally not even doing that. not to an extent that matters#anyway. like. there's more productive ways of dealing with that. where you don't treat them like a bad kid for getting overwhelmed#he has made her cry multiple times today. i have been around multiple arguments and fights and he's just genuinely. awful i hate him#hell the first argument i overheard *i* was in tears by the end (luckily they left soon after bc i had to run to the basement laundry#dungeon to bawl my eyes out because 1. i can't handle confrontation 2. i've never seen roomie cry and 3. she just seemed so hurt and tired)#anyway he just left again after a fight because. god this is so dumb. she told him to move while they were sleeping in the same twin bed#(remember she's in a neck brace) and he fucking. left the room for an HOUR bc he thought the only thing that could POSSIBLY mean (as he#insisted) was for him to get out of here and then when she was like oh hey i'm sorry i didn't mean it like that he decided to spend the nex#half hour of his short time on this earth chewing her out for not giving him a lengthy explanation while half-asleep as to like. why he#needed to move (she wanted to grab smth) and apparently he sat in the chair by her bed for like 10 mins before leaving so he probably saw#her fall back asleep. and then he got pissy when after he left she didn't pick up her phone when he was calling her? even though he knew sh#was asleep?? she didn't even know he was gone. fucking. i need to get him away from my roomie YESTERDAY#look. miscommunication happens. i'm not saying he's an asshole for wanting things said clearly. i am pro-saying what you mean.#but if every time your gf tells you what she means you make it into a 30 minute lecture (no matter how small the slight and w/o examining i#you're actually right or not) she's not gonna wanna fucking tell you if she doesn't think it's worth the argument. especially if you never#let her rest until she concedes. apology isn't enough. clarification isn't enough. she has to say how wrong she was and beg and GOD. UGHHH#and he's always on about how she hurts his feelings. a gust of wind could hurt his feelings. he's constantly berating her manipulating her#and then he's like >:( see that hurt my feelings you can't hurt ppl's feelings. you're disrespectful. HE"S THE WORST I FUCKING HATE HIM#look sometimes adversity reveals the truth of a person and this just amplified his shittiness so much. mr OH i slept in a HOSPITAL and it#was so bad... you can't be in a bad mood bc i've been doing the bare minimum and you need to prioritize MY feelings rn. also i won't leave
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The amount of stress and sadness and fear and grief and anger I have been feeling for the last two months is. Astounding. And what's worse is I haven't even actually felt any of it. I just know it's there, somewhere my brain won't let me see it, waiting to tumble out from its precarious stack in the dusty closets of my mind and and knock me down at the most inopportune moment.
#maybe delete later lmao I am just. going thru it tonight apparently#went to heat up my magic bag and while I was sitting on the floor I saw that my parents are packing up our Christmas stuff#and it just made me so upset. I got to see it all for like 24 hours bcuz I was in school and then vaccinated and then I got fucking covid#and I'll never get to see it out with my whole family ever again. this was my last chance and it didn't even happen.#and I'm so overwhelmingly debilitatingly stressed about school and my health and shit that idek where to start. it's all just too much#like. it's so bad dude.#tw suicide but I started writing a fuckin sui note in my drafts a few weeks ago and still haven't been able to delete it 'just in case'#I genuinely don't know if I'll be able to stay in school with the way my health is rn and there's so much to do there.#the main reason I'm still alive is bcuz I wanted to go to school to get a specific degree and b able to do a specific thing and#I fucking fought tooth and nail to get here and it all might be taken away anyways through nothing I could control.#and don't even get me started on my health. my body. my mind. my family and relationships. everything is going to shit.#idek where I was going with all this. I'm just simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly numb and idk how to handle it#armchair speaks#vent post
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I'm lying in bed and the light coming through my window and hitting the curtains is a certain yellow and for some ungodly reason, it's trying to trigger some deeply hidden memory in my subconscious. Every time I look at it my heart beats so fast and the very beginning of a memory tries to play. Yeah, definitely not.
#maybe I shouldn't lay down#I don't want to go through the whole too scared to lay down saga because that hasn't happened in 6 years#it was wild too because I literally slept sitting propped up by pillows because I kept getting night terrors#I also just don't have the capacity rn like there's sm going on already and I am fighting to not fall down into the black hole#maybe I'm already half in but I'm trying not to completely drop in because I'll get stuck and then everyone will leave#because my depression is just always Too Much and overwhelming for everyone#so maybe I should just have a drink and smile and watch something to distract myself so that I'm somewhat okay#I won't let myself get too bad because I'm afraid that if everyone leaves again I won't make it#I'm not strong enough for that I can't go through that again#oh no#shouting in the forest#unresolved triggers
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wish i could give u a hug rn 🫂
hugging you tightly 🤧🩷
#there's so much happening that it's overwhelming#got my heartbroken by the beach and now i'm moving away and we're still friends and it's messed up#but i'm so excited for the move but also my anxiety is anxiety-ing so bad rn because there's just too many things to do#and i feel like i'm running out of time 😭#non non
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demon in my head||joão félix
an; hiiii pookies how are y'all joão is literally so husband coded urg it's unfair i hate pretty people sm❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 people are so crazy??? blaming a single man for the loss??? hello the last time i checked football is a team sport so how can you blame ONE PERSON???? honestly if anything it's on the team not on a single person tbh it's not even on the team shits happen there are days were everything goes against your wish im really disappointed by ppl who are hating félix rn like poor man is just 24!! he's a human!! he's allowed to be nervous and feel overwhelmed!! he's allowed to make mistakes!! cmon man even your goat couldn't score a goal in 120 mins then how come you're shitting on félix there's so much i want to say but im too angry for that now peak stupidity lowkey feel like it's 19 nov 2023 (portugal version) (my desi ppl will understand the trauma behind this date😀💔) but atleast we didn't troll our players and won the t20 wdc before the legends' retirement so there's that hehe 🎀🌷💌 F1!READER YAY ALSO THAT MAGUI (ew) DOESN'T EXIST IN THIS AU SO YAY JOÃO ISN'T TRAUMATIZED BY THAT THING!!!!! ALSO SINGLE JOÃO ERA BEFORE HE DATES BEAUTIFUL YN ERA 😇☝️
summary; yn yln is a formula 1 driver. and pretty famous one. but sometimes she forgets that.
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yourusername guys the person on twitter wasn't me it was the demon in my head😇😇😇😇
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username GIRL I CAN'T DEFEND YOU ANYMORE
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this comment is deleted by author
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this comment is deleted by author
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redbullracing welcomes joaofelix79 to the redbull garage ✨
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username OMG
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oscarpiastri what
maxvestrappen1 it was great to have you in the garage!
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username lmaooo yn losing her shit in the comments is so funny
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joaofelix79 thank you for having me redbullracing
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redbullracing i'm afraid we need to confiscate your phone yourusername
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yourusername table for two 🌷🪷🌺
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georgerussell63 update the gc
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tagged ynshusband
ynluvslily do u think he'll kiss me after getting high bc we're dating 🤨⁉️
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lilyluvsyn DOUBLE DATE WHEN
ynluvslily SOON LILS😖🩷
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alnobone unfortunately 😓
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ynluvslily admin is literally my child how can i not let them follow my spam😇
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mickeyschumacherrrrr YAYAY
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liked by maxvestrappen1, joaofelix79, pablogavi and 1,984,893 others
yourusername 2nd slide is literally me
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redbullracing favourite couple ✨
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username MOTHER AND STEPFATHER
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carlossainz55 he's a barca player yn red flag
yourusername you literally played football w him yesterday you're not fooling anyone
yourusername WHO TAUGHT YOU WHAT RED FLAG MEANS GRANDPA
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#🌙.rambles#just rather. i'm not sure i'm thinking rn n i think i'm proud of myself in this moment#like oh yeah i'm still struggling n i shld continue working on my assignments but#thinking of it n i've improved a lot#sometimes i certainly do feel like a ghost or a hollow husk of who i used to be but#there's also so much more than that#maybe i've been feeling much more down than earlier this year and more often i do find myself faltering#but.. despite all this pain i'm still here aren't i?#i'm still here trying my best to do what i can despite how my regrets and shortcomings weigh me#but i'll. overcome them. eventually let go of even more pain n i'll move forward even more#i'm not rlly sure what i'm writing but thinking of like maybe how lonely a year ago was when i was so afraid to open up!#i remember thinking when i wld get the opportunity i wouldn't be afraid to take it for myself bcs i deserve that#n look. i did get it a few months after; earlier this year#n then since then i've also strengthened my bonds w old friends. n made new ones that i'll remember and take with me for life#memories moments experiences emotions thoughts that i never thought i'd experience or have but look at me now#i haven't been in the best state definitely for the past few months or so but i'm still here#being alive n here is a testament that. my efforts weren't for nothing#honestly don't we all carry so much we all deserve to be kinder to ourselves#every single step n each improvement n each desire to do better i think is enough to be proud of.#i'm rambling oh dear this happens when i'm overwhelmed n emotional but YEAH#there's so much. unsaid n hidden pain n sorrow in this world n i'd really just love to do what i can to heal even just a part of it#take it upon myself bcs i know i can handle it. even if i won't be remembered it's enough for me to. do that for others#thinking of my interests as well as my goals for the future (such as career) n idk stories n in general n. myself really#i'll embrace it it's me after all n ngl as a whole i rlly do love myself. hfjsdlkf sm to write abt that.. i'm v proud of how far i've gone#like before when i rlly was so. even more lonely. n then. accepting help was even harder then.#i still have my fears but i'm better at overcoming them n yh life is like that n i'm growing after all but it's not like it's wrong to be#proud n happy abt that!!!! idk i think i had experiences w friendships that made me feel like having or reaching out to what i want#is 'selfish' :// nyways i'll be productive now i want to say rq. sob i'm sorry my social energy is so dead. but.. thank you for staying
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