#I'm so glad I am writing it the way I am now
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Trouble ♡ Silco (Arcane)
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Young!Silco x Fem!Vander'sSister!Reader ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
Author's Note: UNEDITED! This was not my idea! I got this idea from @truezaunite. Hopefully this turned out how you'd hoped :) Also, I am finally done with finals! So hopefully I can get back on track with practicing my writing. Although, I may be changing my major. That's some extra stress. I don't own any characters/images.
Genre: Fluff
Summary: Vander's younger sister finally returns after eight years away from home. She was once a pesky little girl, following Vander and Silco everywhere they went. Now, she's grown into a bold, confident young woman. Silco finds himself drawn to her in a way he never thought would happen before.
Word Count: 1921
Warnings: Alcohol consumption, intoxication, suggestive content, romantic tension, family tension, harsh expressions
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
The dim lights of the Last Drop flickered casting shadows over the bar where Silco sipped at his bitter drink. Vander stood behind the counter, polishing a glass, before a sudden grin tugged at his lips. He looked up at Silco, placing the glass down on the counter.
"She'll be here any minute now." He said, in awe, as if the realization of what was about to happen finally set in. He sighed happily, throwing his rag over his shoulder as his large frame leaned against the bar.
"Your sister?" Silco muttered, raising an eyebrow with curiosity. Vander had casually mentioned your upcoming return a couple weeks ago. "The one who used to follow us around everywhere like a lost pup?"
"She's not so much of a pup anymore, Silco." Vander chuckled. "It's been, what, eight years now? She's grown into her own and doing well from what I hear in her letters."
Suddenly, the door creaked open. Vander jolted with anticipation, but Silco turned lazily. He expected to see the same, wide-eyed little girl he once knew. Instead, walked in a woman who moved with confidence, her gaze sharp as a knife. Your boots stomped against the wooden floors as you approached the men, a warm smile on your face.
"Vander!" You exclaimed, hurrying behind the bar and jumping into your brother's arms. His arms wrapped around you, squeezing you as if he feared you would slip away from him again.
"Welcome back, Y/N." He sighed, glad to finally have his precious little sister home. He pulled back, holding you by the shoulders and taking in the sight before him. "By Janna, you've gotten big! You look... well... you look like trouble!"
Silco watched from his stool as your banter with Vander continued. His usually sharp tongue was momentarily silenced. You were nothing like he had remembered. Your scrawny limbs and irritatingly squeaky voice were nowhere to be found. You were poised, witty, and beautiful.
"Still as broody as ever?" You giggle, snapping Silco from his thoughts as you waved your hand in front of his face. He gulped, attempting to hide his nervousness.
"I see you're still just as obnoxiously loud as I recall." He smirked, picking up his glass and taking a sip. His heart was pounding, and he had only hoped that his cool drink would calm his nerves. "I'm curious, what kept you away so long?"
"Traveling. Learning. Surviving. You know, the usual." You said, plainly, crossing your arms with a playful defiance. You wouldn't give him a proper answer. "Vander never let me feel too far from home, though. His letters kept me sane."
"Someone had to keep you in line." Vander chortled. "Even from across the world." You rolled your eyes, settling in the seat right beside Silco's.
"Now I'm back, so you can rest easy, Vander." You reached out, taking Silco's drink from in front of him and taking a sip. He could feel the butterflies in his stomach as your lips brushed the rim of his glass.
You continued to catch up with Vander, but Silco's eyes never left you. There was something magnetic about the way you carried yourself, which left him feeling uncharacteristically unsettled.
As the night wore on, the bar filled with the usual chatter of patrons. Vander grew busier and busier keeping his establishment running. You found yourself sitting alone with Silco as Vander ran back and forth, keeping the customers happy.
"I should probably get going." You said, sliding Silco's glass back over to him. "I've got a lot to unpack. Tell Vander I'll be back tomorrow, yeah?" You didn't want to interrupt your brother's work. Besides, if you tried to say goodbye, Vander would only try to keep you there all night.
"Of course." Silco smirked, his finger running along the glass. "I'm sure I can speak for both Vander and I when I say it's good to have you back home."
"it's good to be back." You chuckled, placing a finger b=beneath Silco's chin and lifting him to meet your eyes. You could see the pink dusting his cheeks as you did so. "Don't miss me too much, now. See you in the morning."
You turned away, waving to Vander as you walked out of the bar. Silco huffed, frustrated with the realization that you were definitely trouble, as Vander had previously remarked.
"Now, what're you smirking for?" Vander grumbled with suspicion, returning to the bar and setting down a tray of dishes to clean. The Last Drop had emptied slightly after you left.
"She's certainly not what I anticipated." He tried to keep his tone casual, but the waiver in his voice was undeniable. Vander raised an eyebrow.
"I swear Silco, you'd better not be planning on roping her into another one of your schemes." Vander shook his head disapprovingly at his friend.
"Relax. I'm not planning anything." He leaned back in his seat, remembering just how protective Vander always was over you. "Just reacquainting. After all, she's family."
"Yeah, well just don't go getting any slick ideas." Vander warned, not fully trusting that Silco wasn't plotting something. "She's got enough to deal with out there. She doesn't need you adding more to her plate."
"Of course not." Silco waved his hand dismissively, but his thoughts betrayed him. The memory of your teasing touch lingered, leaving him more flustered than he would like to admit. "Though... Tell me Vander... Why do I get the feeling she could hold her own against anyone or anything, even you?" Vander paused, contemplating Silco's word for a moment before a smile of pride lit his face.
"Because she can."
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
You had been back in your hometown for the past few months. Most of your time was spent helping in your brother's bar. The Last Drop was unusually lively tonight. People shouted over the sounds of laughter and clinking glasses. Silco was in no mood for the ruckus. He sat in the corner with a half-empty bottle of his favorite drink.
"Drinking all by yourself? How sad." Your voice suddenly poked through the chatter. He turned to spot you right beside him, taking the seat to his left without asking permission.
"Maybe I prefer to be in the company of my thoughts tonight." He slurred, a scowl on his face as he grabbed the bottle and refilled his glass. He sure would need it, if you were going to stick around.
"Jeez. Here I thought you were happy to see me." You raised an eyebrow, taking the bottle from his hands and pouring a glass for yourself. He shivered as your fingers brushed against his in the exchange.
"You have such a way of making things complicated." He grumbled; the alcohol having loosened his tongue. His mind was foggy, and the room spun around him.
"Complicated? Me?" You questioned, a giggle erupting from your throat. "What did I do this time?" You saw Silco hesitate, swirling the liquid in his glass. The room felt warmer than before, and his usually guarded mind betrayed him.
"You... You make me feel things. Things I shouldn't be feeling." He replied, leaning forward against the table in attempt to still his dizziness.
"What are you talking about?" Your laughter faltered, replaced by a cautious curiosity. He looked up at you, softly, his usually sharp eyes clouded by something you couldn't name.
"You." He growled. "It's always you. It's always been you. You walk in suddenly after eight years, and nothing else matters. It's distracting. It's frustrating. Infuriating."
"Are you drunk?" You question immediately, choosing not to put too much thought into his words. He's just talking nonsense. At least, that's what your initial reaction was.
"Perhaps." He leaned back in his seat, shutting his eyes. "That doesn't make it any less true." Silco was not usually the type to allow himself to be too intoxicated. You bite your lip, your cheeks burning.
On the one hand, you wanted to explore more into his words. You wanted to understand his feelings. What he meant. However, you knew you shouldn't be prying into the private matters of a drunk man. Especially not Silco. You cared for him.
"You really know how to throw a girl off her game, don't you?" You joked, taking the bottle from the table and placing it far enough that Silco wouldn't be able to reach.
"Just forget about it." He grumbled, opening his palm and sitting up, expecting you to return the bottle to him. He noticed you taking it away. He hoped you would just leave him to continue his drinking in peace.
"No." You spoke sternly. "No more drinking tonight for you, and no. I won't forget about it," Silco groaned, tilting his head back and shutting his eyes once more. "But maybe I don't want to."
His eyes shot open, flickering to meet yours. Before you could continue, Vander called your name, needing assistance with the flow of customers rushing through the door. You stood, quickly smoothing your clothes.
"We'll talk more about this later." You winked, hurrying to help your brother. Silco watched you go, his heart pounding harder than it ever had. For better or for worse, the truth was out, and there was no way of taking it back.
But maybe he didn't want to.
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
The storage room behind the Last Drop became a sanctuary for you and Silco. The dim lighting and cluttered shelves provided just enough privacy for your secret meetings, and tonight was no different.
Silco pressed you against the wall, lips feverish against yours. One of his hands was tangled in your hair while the other gripped at your waist.
"You're going to be the death of me." He murmured against your lips, his hands exploring your body. He peppered kisses along your jawline, traveling down your neck. You hummed, hands gripping at his hair and clothing, pulling him closer into you.
"What the hell is this?!" Vander's voice boomed, his large frame filling the doorway. Neither you nor Silco had heard the door open. You sighed, calmly adjusting your clothing. Silco looked as though his soul had left his body.
"It's exactly what it looks like." You said boldly, surprising both men with your fearlessness. "I know this is a shocker. You don't have to like it, but you will respect it."
Silco nervously looked between you and Vander, half expecting to be punted across the room at any moment. Vander's lips pressed into a thin line as he looked down at you. You grabbed Silco's hand, intertwining your fingers to try and sooth his anxiety. Finally, Vander let out a sigh.
"If you hurt her-" His expression softened as he realized he was glad you'd chosen Silco, not some stranger he didn't trust. You interrupted before Vander could finish his sentence.
"He won't." You smiled, feeling Silco's grip loosing as his heart calmed. Vander eyed Silco, trying to come to terms with the fact that he had just caught his best friend sucking face with his little sister.
"I won't." Silco nodded. "You have my word." Vander sighed once again, turning out of the doorway and muttering something about how he was too old to deal with this. You were alone with Silco again, and a smile played at your lips.
"You're trouble, you know that?" Silco let out a breath, wiping the nervous sweat from his forehead. You giggled, pressing a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth.
"Mhmm, but I'm your trouble now."
#reader x character#x reader#fem reader#reader insert#arcane x you#arcane x reader#young silco#silco x reader#arcane silco#silco arcane#reader x arcane#arcane x y/n#arcane x female reader#young silco x reader
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Hiiii :]
If it's okay to ask, I've been wondering how would ROs react when the enemy somehow captured ro and mc, and the enemy torture mc in front of tied up RO on the chair to get the informations out of them, who would give in eventho mc told them to not to(like maybe they are in relationship or in crush stage)? I imagine Mina and Will are probably gonna hold on for a while, but then they gonna plan a revenge or something after that lol. Feel free to ignore this ask if this makes you uncomfortable:]
Thankyou, I really like your story and i found it couple days ago and ngl it cheer me up in the middle of hard days. Also, I'm sorry for my English, it's not my first language
Cheers :]
Hi, Anon! I'm sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time. I'm glad my game could help you feel better and I am more than happy to write some angst for you. (Also your english is great, don't worry about it!)
This scenario is written as if MC and RO are in an established relationship.
Trigger warning: Descriptions of torture and intense violence below
Mina - "Pry her eyes open, we can't allow our efforts to go to waste." The voice chuckles sadistically as Mina's head is craned back and her eyes are forced open. Fingers tugging her eyelids up and an arm around her neck so she can't turn away.
MC sits in front of Mina, beaten and bloody, their chest barely moving as they struggle to breathe through their broken nose. "You could end all their suffering by just telling us what we want to hear," The voice sings.
Mina tries to bite down on the arm of the person holding her, snarling as she says, "I'll fucking kill you, I'll kill you!" She thrashes against her chains, eyes red and spit flying from her mouth as she tries desperately to break free.
Will - Will twists his wrists against the metal of his handcuffs; careful to keep his actions out of sight of the kidnappers - cutting at the flesh. Warm blood slicks his hands as he desperately tries to free himself, his eyes never leaving MC.
"Just look at me, block them out, I'll get us out of this." He pleads, trying to keep his voice calm but his breath hitches as the kidnapper brings the hammer down on MC's hand again, their voice hoarse as they scream out.
He barely feels the metal as it chews through his wrists, his eyes focused on MC and mouth never slowing as he spews words of reassurance and comfort.
Ara - It takes two hours for Ara to crack. She watches as MC takes cut after cut from the kidnappers; their faces twisted in sadistic glee as they carve into MC's flesh. Ara thrashes against her chains, her chair rattling as she flings herself forward, desperate to close the distance.
MC tries to reassure Ara but soon her reassurances are replaced with hoarse screams, the knife digging in further and further. At the first scream, Ara topples her chair, her chains and chair crashing against the ground. She tries to worm her way towards MC but is kicked back.
When she sees MC slow in their struggles, she breaks. Information leaves her mouth in an incoherent babble, the words tripping over themselves to flee her mouth.
Theo - Theo writhes and twists against the wall, his shoulders protesting his sharp movements as they are jolted back by the heavy chains shackling him. His eyes wide and red as he sees MC led into the room, tied up and arms pulled by two large guards.
"Now then, you are going to tell us what we want to hear," The kidnapper says with a smirk, tapping the knife they hold against MC's cheek, "Or we will have to resort to more extreme measures to get our information."
MC opens their mouth, set on telling Theo to not say anything, but they never get the chance. Theo is already speaking, his arms nearly pulled out of their sockets as he presses forward, saying everything and anything to protect MC.
Nico - Nico bites down on his tongue until it bleeds, letting the pain distract him from the nauseating sight ahead. His muscles scream as he contorts his joints and limbs, struggling futilely against his chains. They rattle and shake as he writhes.
A scream is ripped from MC's throat as the brand comes down on their thigh, the sickening smell of burnt flesh filling the air and Nico struggles to fight back the urge to vomit. MC tries to smile at Nico, their lips shaking as they curl up.
And the smile is what breaks Nico. The trust, the love... it was worse than the torture. How could he live with himself if he let MC die? He breaks his silence, avoiding MC's eyes, unable to last even a full hour watching the one he loves suffer.
Astrid - She begs them to hurt her instead, pleading through tears and hoarse cries to stop. Blood spills across her arms as she thrashes and writhes against her chains, trying to claw her way towards MC. Astrid ignores MC's pleas for her to stop, to stay strong.
She breaks at the first flash of pain across MC's face. The words spill from her lips as fast as the blood from her wrists. Like a burst pipe, there is no stopping the torrential wave once it has been unleashed, the information flows quickly.
And she can't find it within her to care that she has become a traitor. The only thing that matters is MC.
#interactive fiction#the soulforge order#if wip#twine#twine wip#tsfo asks#tsfo mina#tsfo theo#tsfo will#tsfo astrid#tsfo ara#tsfo nico
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see a world so beautiful and strange (spinning off somewhere)
“Why? Why are you suppressing?”
“Because I can't tic,” Alya whispered, fingernails digging into the skin on her arm. “I know Tourette’s isn’t exactly uncommon, but it’s part of my identity as Alya Césaire. It can’t be a part of Rena Rouge, too. Someone could figure out who I am and then…”
And then she’d have to give up the coolest thing that’s ever happened to her, give up living her dreams.
[or, alya is suppresses as rena rogue in order to protect her identity, but neither ladybug nor trixx will let her hurt herself like that]
🦊2,345 words | alya-centric, alya & ladybug friendship🦊
happy tourette's awareness month!!!
#corey writes:)#miraculous ladybug#mlb#mlb fanfic#ml fanfic#alya cesaire#mlb alya#ml trixx#ladybug#marinette dupain cheng#AHHHHHHHHH#my second posted mlb fic!!!#i'm not Super happy with it but this has been a wip of mine for two years sooooo wooooooo! glad to finally finish it!#i <3 alya#everyone stop being so mean to her for literally no reason#anyways... i explained more in the a/n and tbh i don't feel like typing much more bc i've typed a LOT today#ts month ends today and i worked SO hard to finish one of my fics#and it ended up being around 21k words so it took up most of my writing time lol#wrote all of this except like 600 words of it today oops#anyways i have ONE MORE to post today and then i'll have my four ts month fics written and posted for four different fandoms!#just the way i like it!#tourettes syndrome#am done now lol#gonna give my hands a break bc OW
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finished dhes & kel's character pages so here are the lil edits i made for both of em :-)
#myedits#kelly#dhestyn#ik i posted kel’s already but now i am posting both pictures together#i have read through the bios so many times atp that i don't even know if they make sense anymore#i cannot look at them again#i'm just gonna say they're good enough#i might change some stuff here & there but for now#i am over it lol#i'll probably do the rest of the characters eventually..........#maybe...........#but idk. i only really post the boys here so like. yea. yk.#plus i still have the mbz character page to do#which. that has like. so many characters on it. it's a daunting task#i hope the boys' pages are at least somewhat coherent. i tried to be concise & to the point. uh. idk if i was successful in that#but. n e way. i have a few edits & writing things i wanna work on so. character pages are moving to the back burner#i may or may not finally start writing the 90sAU#which btw ty guys for being so nice on that edit???? the comments & tags were all so sweet?????#i really liked that one so i'm glad y'all liked it too
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I do think the hardest part about actually writing a whole novel for the first time is having to constantly remind myself that first drafts are allowed to suck. They are not meant to be perfect. They're allowed to be filled with half thoughts where you need to go back later because you can't figure out what you need to fix until there are words on a page. Like, allowing myself to feel like I am bad at something and still continuing to push might be the biggest way I've grown in my entire life.
#if you can't tell i feel like i am bad right now because this chapter was a half-assed afterthought in my outline lol#i mean obviously i don't feel like i am BAD at writing#i just know that the good parts come at the end of the process#and it's something that you constantly grow in#like my writing now is so different than my writing 10 years ago in the best way#idk deciding to write a book this year was so weird but i am really glad i'm finally doing it#i've always been so scared of writing original fiction because it's just such a vulnerable thing (for me)#(and i'm sure other people but yeah you know what i mean)#don't get me wrong i am INCREDIBLY satisfied with some of these first draft scenes#but there are chapters that i know have to exist and to make them better i have to fix some of my world building#but i can't figure out where i need to fix the thing until it's written because i can't see it when it's just in my head#personal
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Eric Burdon + cloudy pictures of the aurora I was able to take!! 🎤💚💙✨️
#eeEEE so glad i was able to catch it... ON ERIC'S BIRTHDAY NO LESS!!!#i'm in kentucky right now so the overall exposure isn't as good compared to being back in michigan bUT AAAA#it's still so cool that it reached down here!!!!!!! SO VIBRANT TOO....#the aurora reminds me of eric and alan in a lot of ways.......#an electrically charged meeting of two very different particles... drawn to each other by an indescribable magnetic force....#one sunny and bright and the other cool and protecting oneself..... their interactions can be quite dramatic#but on the outside... witnessing it is absolutely beautiful... and a reminder of what they represent when intermingled with one another#an unforgettable sight... unforgettable music.... agggHhgHGHh#ME WRITING THIS STUFF AT 1:30 AM OKAY THIS IS STAYING IN THE DRAFTS UNTIL TOMORROW WHEN I GET A DR PEPPER 🙏💚💙#eric burdon#the animals#things i said today#classic rock#60s rock#british invasion
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Forgot to post this earlier but I did in fact comb the entire Vesperia script to determine how many times he uses ま/まあ throughout the game, along with a few other phrases he uses repeatedly. This counts all of main story, every single sidequest, and every single skit in the game.
Final counts were:
ま/まあ: 280
Ma/Maa; translates to "well". He uses this at the beginning of a sentence usually, but it's sometimes in the middle. "Ma" is usually more quick and snappy. "Maa" is more thoughtful and/or prolonged. Obviously it can vary based on context, but that's the general breakdown.
んじゃ and any variants: 133
Nja, along with variants such as "ja", "soreja", etc. Variants are counted when they're all used to express "let's get going", when they're about to head off ("ja" could be used in a sentence such as "ja/but then, why is xyz like this", etc). They encompass translations such as "well then" (let's get going implied. includes "so then", "then" "alright then", and so on), "we should be off", "let's get going", "let's go", etc. (not to be confused with 行こう(ikou), 行くぜ, (ikuze), and other similar versions of this phrase. That can also mean "let's go", but any instances of Yuri using that particular phrase was not counted because it wasn't a variant of, specifically, んじゃ, which is also his most common "let's go" ja variant).
おい / おいおい: 66
Oi/Oi oi; translates to "hey"/"hey, hey", though "oi" is more or less an accepted word in English nowadays.
おっと: 12
Otto (not to be confused with "oto", referring to sound); an expression of surprise that can translate roughly to "whoa there" (which is the most common translation I do see for it and what I'd use in most cases too, context of course varying). The reason I included this one despite it being so seemingly low in number is because it's not a particularly common expression, much less one used multiple times by a single character? It's so rare from anyone else, which is just a regular thing relative to Yuri and his dialogue/speech (i.e. most characters sparingly use phrases repeatedly, as compared to Yuri... as you can see lol. Other characters use these words/phrases, but nowhere near as regularly, if regularly at all).
Realized along the way I should've included やれやれ (yare yare, "good grief", "oh dear", "oh boy" etc), but by the time I realized I should have in case it was an interesting count, I was too far into the script to be able to handle going all the way back through it LOL.
No. No, I am not joking that Yuri used ま/まあ 279 times throughout the course of the game. That is to say, it could be more if I missed any, but on the assumption I didn't, that's where it stands.
Why do I love this so much? Because it's a very specific character quirk of a character I adore. I'm very fond of his repetition. Thank you.
#GTF Vesperia Things#GTF Yuri Things#so glad I gave him his own tag jpfjugDFJISHFG he fuckin' needs it#OH ALSO note that I may or may not have (I genuinely don't know I don't THIIIINK I did?) accidentally picked up#the “but then" etc variant of ja. at this point I don't remember and I'd have to go back through my doc of this#bc I was skim-combing the script juggling several phrases mainly for ma. if I ever do a recount I'll confirm lol#also shoutout to Rays for using ま/まあ 68 times for him which is 4 more times than he uses it in Vesp arc 1 main story#I'm both thankful and amazed that Rays' writers ACTUALLY kept it to the correct general extent at large (when you consider the size of#both games and Yuri's role) I've always expressed how dedicated they are to the source material of the legacy chars but#that CEMENTED it LOL. the way they retain speech quirks for legacy chars is amazing and I applaud them#he uses おい / おいおい 54 times throughout Rays#おっと was used 10 times throughout Rays which is hilariously almost identical to Vesp's usage#んじゃ they did keep but I didn't count the amount of times#now MIND YOU Rays is split into 4 arcs prior to Recollection (which he's not in) and has to contend with about 200ish legacy characters#Yuri is largely in arc 4 and has a large chunk of appearances in arc 2#he's mostly absent from arc 3 after the beginning of it and he's not in arc 1 much after the first chapter (which is his chapter)#he does show up in a lot of skits early into Rays tho since they only had so many chars to work with for arc 1 skits#and I also included count of those phrases in events (both skits and events throughout the game)#WHAT I'M SAYING is that Rays still managed to retain his word choice repetitiveness#and managed to get the count that high which is a very accurate reflection of it#while trying to put about 200 legacy chars through a revolving door#they were THAT on the nose with Yuri's quirks and further cements that this is a very Yuri thing#and a character quirk choice that was brought in from the game of origin#and they DID do this with other chars not just him... but the fact that they DID to me means#they thought it was important enough of a quirk to make sure they didn't lose it in his dialogue#WHICH. I AGREE. I AM VERY VERY DEEPLY PLEASED THEY KEPT IT#it just goes to show how dedicated they were in faithfully translating the characters into a gacha game#(not tl in the loc sense but tl in the ''writing a char outside their origin game for a non-origin game appearance'')#it also proved my theory that Yuri's vocal repetition was done intentionally bc they found it part of him enough to carry it over#anyway yeah i have yuri lowell brainrot and he pretty much owns 98 percent of the real estate in my brain these days
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2023 go bye bye
#999 spoilers#art summary#art summery 2023#my art#shoutout to all my monster high drawings that are still in the oven#I haven't posted them anywhere but! my friends made them pins and I've sold them on cons throughout the year :3#I only started drawing them as a request from a boothmate actually and they're such fun designs to draw!!!#I went to a lot of local conventions to participate in the artist's alley and made so many friends that way it was wonderful#I think the next thing I'll reblog will be the game I worked on!#found out the nda doesn't cover me simply saying 'hey I worked on this thing coming out in a few months!'#so I made artist and cosplayer friends selling my art on the beach and I got my first proper job#....then I proceeded to give me a shoulder inflammation because my setup was terrible and it had to catch up to me eventually#but! already managed to get a new tablet and desk for myself!! it's even a screen tablet so there'll be a learning curve but I'm excited#I'm hoping this display will make things easier I always had trouble sketching on digital#and I am more carefully taking breaks now also because turns out relying on hiperfocus is bad for you? never knew#I was going through some stuff in the middle of the year there though I had so many vent drawings of akane from may to october qwq#not featured here are the tons of utena and umineko wips I have accumulated those were my favorite new media I got to experience for sure#in fact I'm watching the adolescence movie rn!! what in tarnation is this last act lol whatever! go Anthy go!!! floor it queen#also not featured the tons of oc stuff I made :D I'm glad I feel like I can start properly working on them soon ^^#but yeah that's that I felt like writing a whole diary entry in these tags and you read it and that's what tumblrs all about ���♥︎
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Honestly kind of lame of CS Forester not to go in for the weird Narnia ending. Think of how fun that could have been
#don't read these tags if you don't want spoilers i'm going to put spoilers in the tags#but i just finished admiral and i think it would have been fun if they had all died actually. sorry that sounds horrible but genuinely#it would have been better than the actual ending#which was fine it was just stupidboring heroics and i did not come here for that#someone needs to write a fic in which they all perish in the hurricane and hornblower actually tells barbara that he doesn't love her#and maybe maaaaybe she's also honest with him but either way he realizes that this is not what he wants and not how he wants to go out#or it's a tragedy and he doesn't realize that and dies an empty shell of a guy! either way it's more compelling#cs forester setting up so many dynamics that he refuses to deliver on and i'm so glad i'm finished so now i can just go back and fix it#or read the parts i like and nothing else. god. he's not even that bad at setting up interesting stuff that's the crazy part#but man do those books drive me up a wall when it comes to reader satisfaction i am NOT having it#anyways i'll now cease being grumpy and go off and read ursula leguin or something yay#perce rambles#percy yells at cecil scott#<- thank GOODNESS i am free of him (guy who read these books willingly in his free time)
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Sheri: A Powerpoint Intro
It is here! A tiny bit of background: Sheri is sort of a companion to Triad, in the sense that it shows some of what happened to the other ex-heir to the Navaren throne, but it takes place after it (by at least 3 months). Also maybe someday I'll come up with a better title for it.
Anyway please enjoy this introduction to fantasy disaster gays.
#believe it or not Niran is an OLD old canon character who I just never did anything of substance with#he was Seriito's 'commoner' friend. because when I was like 10 I thought it was important that the royals had commoner friends#I'm glad to be doing something interesting with him. he is THRIVING in this college environment#I think Niran and Aza would get along really well. they're both animals people#also. 'seducing Gannet' is shorthand for 'Sheri got on fantasy grindr found Gannet and explained they had no more classes together'#'and Gannet accepted this as a fuckportunity'#I also decided on the name Gannet because you will take Negleeglo from my cold dead hands but it's unwieldy#however now I have a basic process for how their language forms nicknames which is awesome#and Gannet is a cool name#and yes. sheri asks kirnus personal questions. this is truly what the 'mega hate' section is for: bad things that are gonna happen#this was what was funniest: sheri panicking about never having hooked up with a trans guy because he wants to Be Good At It#as though asking your sister's trans partner is a way to Know How To Do This#anyway. I'm so excited about this#idk when I'm gonna write it but boy am I gonna rotate it#wip: sheri#powerpoint#rose brambles#undescribed
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so tonight my friend and i sat down in call for 2 1/2 hours and binged GX and augh. i feel like i’m always saying it and you’ve heard it before…
thank you. just, thank you. from the bottom of my heart for making me feel so welcomed and having a person to enjoy this with and being able to enjoy with other people. i really resonated with your post about feeling authentic because of this series and i’m the happiest i’ve been in months now that i’m rewatching it.
if GX is like a weighted blanket, your presence and friendship are like the warm comfort of a hot chocolate on a snowy day.
so thank you again for letting me be so free and authentic and happy, because i have someone as wonderful as you to be authentic with <3
i didn’t think i’d be a GX fan for very long, or that i’d meet someone who i’m proud to call an online sibling because of the series, but you proved me wrong and i’m so happy that i was. :)
🫂💜
🫂💖
#I genuinely think this series healed something inside of me I didn't know I'd damaged#it's so stupid but I feel like it was truly missing from my life and I didn't even know it#the way I'm still THIS DEEP and even in fact DEEPER in the trenches now 6 years out from when I watched it the first time is amazing...#I didn't think I would like it when I started it and now here I am 6 years later and it's changed my life in the best ways possible#I got into genuinely writing fanfiction because of it I started drawing more seriously even tho dm taught me how to draw basically#and honestly it's lifted me out of more crisis' and dark times than I can count. I don't know where I would be or if I would be without it#there's something so special about it that I can't explain but it is and it's everything to me#I'm the same when I'm watching it I'm the happiest I've ever been even when I feel like the most miserable girl in the world otherwise#and I can't stress enough how much I value that and this space and this time and friends like you and trying to make sure everyone has a#space to be genuine and love things uninhibitedly and unabashedly and know that you all have a safe space with me#I'm glad you found my silly little corner of the void 🫂#yugioh gx#aberooski asks
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Hi, I just need you to know I’ve read stubborn love twice already. And I regularly think about getting to download it to my kindle in full once it hits 22/22 so I can read it on holiday.
Just need you to know what it means to me :))
Hi, this is me seeing this message:
#anon I need you to know I am being so serious right now when I say that I am printing this out and hanging it on my fridge when I get home#i love you so much for sending this :)#I'm glad you're enjoying stubborn love so much <3#I am 6k into the first draft of the next chapter btw#still a ways to go but it's coming along#thank you so so so much for making this even more fun for me!#asked and answered#writing things#hanging on my fridge
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Stream O'
conscious journaling.
That's what we're on, right? What I'm on?
I'm in another "dig deep into self care" era and I think a grandeur part of me would be happy to know that this comes from a place of being proactive. Imagine me, proactive?
Yeah well I wanna have more control again. I liked when I was in control. I just got jaded by it, by lack of reward for hardwork, from lack of support. Those years in college where I saw the worst students get rewarded and I was told I don't do shit really ruined me huh?
But I'm tired of that ruling me.
I think of the joy in the moments of life where I felt my autonomy and felt like I knew what I was doing, even if I really wasn't. It was joyus, free and freeing. I kinda tapped into it traveling so much lately and really determining where I went and what I did. I controlled my own destiny for sure. And it was so freeing. There were true moments of being absolutely care free.
Now sobering thoughts swirl around. The weather is changing back to darkness. Robert has passed. My mother isn't working again. I gotta step up and really get into the workforce.
That last sentence woulda killed me and my outlook before. I gotta go into traditional work?? Ew.
But it was the type of work that really killed me. Getting into work with what I'm doing now tho? Lowkey I'm geeked!
For years I've looked as sports as being one of my options of getting in front of that camera and shining and, well, life has been weird in delivering that. I was going to go to American University at a point, I wrote articles on the side, my Spot on Sports and EsportsXtra things. I was just doing them. Not knowing where it'd go. Guys, I've wanted to be all types of things from comedy to acting and so much more.
But sports enthusiasm and obsession has been a constant in my life and this time.. it's clearly revealed itself as the next path for me. Esports, it just feels like I could never really climb like I wanted to there. There's no applying for positions, everything is networking and knowing people and LUCK. Which is fine cause all work is to an extent, but being a black woman that isn't a pro in the space felt so fucking limiting. I had to prove myself constantly. Which I'm very unafraid go do, I've been doing it my ENTIRE life, but it felt so completely funneled. And frankly, I didn't have nearly the support system I needed. Some shooters that I'm entirely indebted to and love but jesus not enough. I've had to stand alone a LOT.
I think that's why doing my streaming thing felt so.. right? Why I feel sports is possible now?
Kiki and Hannah, whether they are thirst following or not, coming in and just being around, respecting what I have to say, shit that helped. And back in the day, having Jay and OG and BB and Awillie REALLY respect what I say? Man that felt great. They've been pros pros and them saying they love my takes, jesus I must really know what I'm talking about. Reconnecting with them and Larry moving me from part time camera to full time? Saying my enthusiasm makes the show better??!!! BRO I'M THE SHIT?
And people sticking around and LOVING my sports content. Just me, even when they aren't around, they love what I say. My hard work understanding sports I haven't played, my passion and jokes being appreciated. Man, I know what I'm talking about too, huh?
That shit inspires me. I kinda always felt on my backfoot in esports and although I have my own anxieties about my lack "journalist" badge whilst carving my way into aport journalism, I have a lot to my resume people don't. I have the respect of people that do journalism for a living. People that work behind the scenes in the sports world. People that actually fucking played of have played!
I'm that girl bro. Sometimes I forget, but I really am.
And that's why I like journaling because I need a reminder for the things that are ahead. I know once it really hit hits that Rob is gone I'm going to really sad. I know that the stress of applying in a field that's new to me is going to make me self doubt. I know that actually WORKING in that field will cause me to get antsy too. The lack of sun outside will bring my thoughts to darker places. The stress of Mom neing unemployed will be thrust into my lap whether I like it or not. I'm gonna have to step up. Big time.
But, I believe.
The path I'm on, it feels clearer than ever. Before I felt like someone lost at sea with no sense of what's up or down. I had no real career or life direction. My motivations were always some lofty idea rather than a tangible item out my reach.
Now I see it; where I want to be, how to get after it. And the fact that I've carved a path towards this despite no experience, no degree in it, no connection prior to doing what I've done? Shit I did the hardest part already. The can't do shit voice is officially null and void cause in 5 years, I've done so much more than even I thought I could do. And that's with my being riddled with self doubt and fear. Imagine me with confidence???
So, even if I'll have moments where I know I won't be ready, I am. And me trying to get ahead of the stress and fear by taking care of myself now just proves I've grown. Everything I've done before this moment was leading to this. Even during times where I feel I'll crashout, which will probably be inevitable, I have nothing to fear overall cause I have the tools to get it done. It isn't new. I know what I need.
Doing it, that's the hardest part. But that isn't hard, if I don't look at it like that. Nothing you've done before really is. It can be different, I might have issues readjusting since I've changed since I first started it. Starting over can be frustrating since I'm not where I was before I had to prioritize other stuff.
But maybe it can be fun too. Reconnecting with a past me. Finding my "free" again. Finding the me I want to be and reconnecting with it. In a way, I'm already the exact version of me I wanted to be years ago. I might have some tuning up to be an even better version, but I'm still the me I wanted.
And realizing that makes me so happy.
Cheers to me for being that and wishing myself well on the journey to navigate whatever new issues might arise to realize even more of that 'me'.
You're doing great kid. And you still have so much more great left to do 🥰
#writing this made me realize i love me#and i had a generally positive sense of self before but felt that slipping a tad#i mean i am going to be through stress soon and know it#but reminding myself to live in my now and current happy while giving myself tools to endure some anticipated stress#geeze I feel good#and I do feel control in a way#not even control but autonomy#i can do so much of what I want#just gotta pull a parapper the rapper and GOTTA BELIEVE#and I'm so glad this fine morning I wrote since it made me realize#I do#i do 😁
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If my Actual Real Life Father saw this blog I wouldn't even be able to die. I would just live. LOL. At that point I guess we have different things to worry about .
But I can see his confused and perplexuated reaction . Haha. It's actually cute
#hello demons.#demons: heyyyy michael#spit take#OKAY let's get into it. basically i am an adult now and i have had my privacy respected as far as i know for a few years#however. it's been violated enough that it's really hard to trust that (impossible challenge). so like either i can Do This.see what happens#or i can behave in only socially acceptable ways (not post at all and not exist) which i already tried for years on end haha. didn't work?#well yes it did <4 i was extremely isolated.#OH HI BROTHER thanks for the wind. in the bathroom for some reasons. aha#^ speaking of this guy? he makes me pee sometimes. i will elaborate#auughauughh it's just it would be really bad and FYO SAID DADDY OVER THE PHONE. I knew this would happen.#i actually cringe so hard im so glad im one of us that accepts being in a system because <3 i cannot deal with that.#anyway it was never addressed and let's hope it never is. or that everyone's dream incest fantasy comes to life. writing that down jusincase#hahahahaha. i would die im going insane over this!#well. cmon. she was terrified and it was like world ending kinda. Like If We Weren't So Sick we would have killed . no we would have lived.#but it would have been hell!#hello Little brother possessing a gnat. i see you. ig logically this means i should take the trash out.#soon .#Norway gahgahgah i can't Believe she did that. it could have DesTroyed everything. but so far it didn't.#I'm not going to say he didn't notice it because we've Never Said That In Our Lives but hopefully it's overshadowed or forgotten or#god forbid. touching#(yeah touching MYSEL— aw i ruined it? damn)#great work everyone
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one thing i really miss about writing with a keyboard is that it's Critically important to my writing process for the flow of words to leave breathing room for mental detours, and for details to occur to me, as i go. i need space to gather material to weave in, and usually the bits and bobs that i pick up or introduce when they aren't technically The Driving Point of the Scene are what ends up actually guiding the scene to the end.
that left its own weak spots i needed to work on--relying on this too much made it near impossible to actually work within an outline, and therefore to write things with any kind of length--but it was a strength of my writing, and it was certainly what made it fun. and i was starting to settle down to focus on filling in that skill gap, because i wanted to make longer more structured works (and still do). i was getting better at articulating myself outside of prose contexts, too. i was making progress.
and then my hands happened. and now writing, prose or otherwise, feels like dragging myself across the floor from one sentence or paragraph to the next. or talking around a mouthful of marbles. there's no space or energy left over to play with the words and imagery, or let them breathe, and the best i can do is slap whatever clumsy placeholder phrasing i can grab for into the gaps and hope it's not too hard to read, much less good to read.
who knows how much of it is that, versus potential cognitive issues from longterm malnourishment/ongoing stress and trauma/that one bad concussion i had a few years ago/being older/having caught covid a few times by now, versus being rusty, versus being in the awkward painful stages of getting my hands into art/communication skills i hadn't developed before, versus survivorship bias from giving myself permission to Post More Imperfect Bullshit, versus just straight up having a distorted view of my writing from where i sit because hooray stress, isolation, extremely foreshortened future, and depression.
but it fucking sucks regardless, and it fucking sucks even more how many of those factors are irreversible, whether completely or at all, even before factoring the likelihood of the technically reversible stuff being fixed either.
i miss writing, man. the kind i used to do. the writing i do now has worth, absolutely, and i don't regret doing it, but it's something different. part of me is missing and i feel it every day.
#whosebaby talks#not fandoms#writing tag#medical issues cw#personal stuff#grief#sometimes looking back at my old writing inspires me and lifts me up; even when it's not always what i'd consider quality now#some of the stuff i thought wasn't well done at the time genuinely wasn't and that's okay; duds happen and they're not the end of the world#some of the stuff i didn't like at the time i think is Really Good Now in Hindsight Actually; and i'm glad i didn't delete it or something#some of the stuff i wrote that i liked at the time doesn't so much hold up in my eyes nowadays; and that's just proof of getting better#and some of the stuff i wrote that i liked and thought was good at the time *did* hold up; sometimes i am in fact a good judge of that!#all of these things are affirming and encouraging; and make me appreciate the craft and my journey in it more than ever; in their own ways#it's a reminder to give the artist i am now; and the artist i used to be; some grace#other times....... oof.
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why is it that when anyone else does something good i feel like that means i'm not worth anything at all
#boink#i think this comes from moments like standing in class in second grade and having my test grades read out as the highest in the class#genuinely#i am either completely proud of myself for getting recognition as the most#or i feel intensely worthless#like i'm not good and will never be good at anything#and i could feel that way about the same thing depending on the perspective#i wrote so many poems i was proud of this week#and then i just read one my classmate posted#it was beautiful#it ripped me up inside#it was exactly real#and instead of being just glad to have ready it and happy for her for writing such an amazing poem#i immediately feel like all my poems are shit now#mine is no longer the best on the class list#she's an artist#she wears vintage sweaters#now she writes beautiful poetry#and everything about me is worthless in comparison#or the girl in my classes who has all the same interests as me but a step up#i take physics she takes the advanced class#i share a thought in class but hers are more poignant#i do themed acappella and she's in the most popular competition group#i have curly hair and she has curly hair except prettier and longer#look at all this#isn't it fucking stupid#i know objectively that this has nothing. Nothing. to do with me#and i feel so awful about it every time i start to feel this way#it's not fair to all the people i keep thinking about#but i genuinely don't know how o stop it from happening
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