#I'm sick of seeing this one same tactic being used over and over again in this show

[volturiprincess]

You Kill Me (Pt 2.)

Caius Volturi x vamp female reader

Summary: The confrontation after part one. Warnings: Angst, foul language, mentions of sexual harassment, Caius' sinister side peeks (I think thats all?) A/N: FINALLY! Man it took a while but I mean I got writer's block with this one. I really wanted to dive a bit deep with this and I added a couple back and forth POV between reader and Caius (I almost added a Marcus POV but I changed my mind). Thank you to everyone who has been patient with this one-shot, I hope I did not disappoint. But as always...Enjoy💙 Word Count: 6k+ (My longest one so far)

(Here's Part 1)

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(This. Was. His. Era. Again Jamie did him justice🥰)

Recap….

We stood in silence, I wanted to say something but I didn't know what exactly. I must have been too deep in thought because when I looked up he was gone…..

Oh gosh. What have I done? Why didn't I just say something to him, anything really could have worked at that moment and maybe I would not of hurted him. I never wanted to hurt him in anyway, he’s my mate for fucks sake. Even if I'm still getting used to the idea of having him as my mate, or just being around vampire civilization again, I would never want to harm him. When I pushed him away the hurt his eyes reflected, hit me.

Why am I being so difficult with him? You would think finding your mate just clicks for one and everything in your life finally makes sense, you get a sense of being even but no I decided to just make this once in lifetime experience so complicated. I have been in communication with Carlisle of course via letters, and when I tell him about me and Caius, I can already picture him shaking his head in disappointment each time he reads my letters. He understands why I'm being like this but he finds it totallyunnecessary for me to act like this toward my own mate, he keeps telling me you only get one in this lifetime. 

I decided to head outside to the gardens, where I usually spend my alone time until I see Marcus there. It seems he was expecting me. 

“Hello Marcus, fancy seeing you here”

“I would say the same thing but we have matters to discuss, dear”

I guess Caius got to him already, even if Marcus never shows any sort of emotions, right now he's giving me the same look Carlisle would give me when I did something absurd. He motions for me to sit with him, which I join him instantly.

“I am already going to assume you know what I'm about to say?”

“I have a hunch of an idea”

I couldn't look at him because the look he's giving me was pure disappointment, I felt like a child being scolded by their parents. I know that feeling all too familiar, I was the ‘wild card' apparently compared to my brother when we were younger, father had a knack to always scold me even when it's something as little as forgetting to put away a cup. Carlisle had it easier compared to me, I was molded to be this lady that society would approve of, I was designed to be the perfect wife according to my father. Mother would have never wanted me to be raised like this, she was the one who encouraged me to read, she was even the one who taught me how until she passed away when me and Carlisle were 5. 

“Let’s start this off simple, how are you feeling?”

That is a very good question, how the fuck do I feel? Sure I feel confused, that's all I have been feeling since I found out about being mated to Caius but I mean I feel disgusted. I feel disgusted with myself, I heard stories over the years that the Volturi were supposedly these power hungry coven who are just ruthless but now I feel like I'm the true villain here. What kind of sick person– err vampire in this case– turns their back on someone who has been nothing but loving and patient with them? Caius, even if he has  been interesting with his tactics of showing affection, has only been patient with me, and how do I return the favor? I push him away and basically stomp on his heart.

“Terrible”

“Elaborate on that”

I really do feel like a kid currently.

“I feel terrible because I broke Caius heart” 

“And how?”

And now I feel like I'm in a therapy session.

“For months I turn away from our mate bond and refuse to give in, he does not deserve that, actually screw that he does not deserve a mate who just shuts him away for no reason”

“Oh but there is a reason to your uncalled behavior”

“Isn't there always a reason for everything?”

“Yes, which is why I'm asking you why are you being like this?”

“I dont know”

Of course I know why, I'm scared to give into the bond, what if I’m not good enough for him. What if I fuck up or something and he decides I'm not worth, that I'm not worthy in being his mate. I know you can't pick who your mate is or anything but he could do so much better than me, a person worthy enough to be his queen. Other than the fear, I'm angry. I've been forced to be here forever and don't even have the chance to see my brother. I miss him, he was all I had left of my family and now I have to be away from him. And my past trauma is always lingering.

“I doubt that”

“Marcus, no disrespect to you, but why are you invested in me and Caius? I know he's your brother and all but…why?”

I saw him look off to the distance, almost like I do on a daily basis when I'm reflecting on thoughts or events throughout the day. But I could see his expression change, instead of the disappointed look he had not that long ago, he looked gloomy which was his usual expression before I started to talk to him. 

“I told you about my…” I saw him take an unnecessary gulp ”late wife…Didyme,right?”

“Yes you did, she sounded like a lovely being, I would of loved to of meet her”

“She was, I mean she is. What i'm trying to say is I don't want to you or Caius to end up like me, I have had my brother in my life for so long and to see him finally find his mate, makes me surprisingly happy, I might not show it but internally I have a bit of peace”

Oh the guilt I have right now is no joke, the way he is speaking makes me worry more about the situation I created with his soul brother. The day he told me about Didyme was when I healed her favorite flower, he only told me a bit about her, her personality, features, how her smile could brighten any room, how with just a touch his worries and sadness would be like if it never existed. He truly loved her and the way he is barely going through life does make me sympathize for him big time. I actually make sure to check up on him at least once a day, from just asking him about the latest book he has read to just asking him to oversee my work in the garden, it's not much but I can see a bit of change in his eyes. 

“But I also do not want to see you suffer, I don't know what you are trying to accomplish with this behavior but you have become an important person to me. I view you as a sister I never had, makes me a bit envious of Carlisle since he has the honor to call you his actual sister.”

“Marcus I don't know what to say, I'll be honest with you but I view you as my brother as well, I see a bit of Carlisle in you”

“We are getting off topic but I appreciate your honesty dear, the point of this conversation is to come to your senses and accept Caius as your mate, I can see your bond with him weaken, you are doing nothing to nurture it, he was kind of trying but not in an effective way, in a way you two are acting like children, now if you will excuse me, I have matters to attend to”

He took off before I could even close my mouth at his revelation. He does make a point, I need to stop this ridiculous behavior I've been having and be willing to accept Caius as a mate. 

Caius POV

Humiliated. Disappointed. Defeated. Embarrassed. Furious. And Shameful. Who does she think she is? Was it perhaps my fault for pushing her and just throwing myself at her with that kiss? What was I thinking in doing such an action on her? I would never act like that or think to do it, I am a gentleman, I might not show it but I have never had no intentions to be this way. I still blame her. She is the one who has made me a whole different being. My brother has told me once you find your mate, everything just clicks, they are your equal side and they supposedly make you a better person. He’s wrong, since the minute I saw her I knew she would be trouble, I knew she would not be the right fit for me. 

How could she push me away like I was not worth anything. I have feelings. Wait? Do I? I never understood the purpose of expressing feelings. We feed on humans, I have no sympathy for them only that they keep my thirst down. But when I saw her, I felt the world stop, my main focus was on her and only her, not only because of her beauty but the aura she gave. I for once felt my unbeaten heart beat, I felt like I was suffocating from her scent, but at the same time I felt at ease. I still do not understand her purpose of being difficult with me, if I didn't spend our longest time together arguing with her I would've gotten answers to my questions.  

Maybe it is my fault as well, I have not been there for her. Marcus advised me to spend time with her to actually get to know her. He also warned me that I should be easy with her, she will never be able to see her family unless they come here. But what do I do instead? I basically seduced her with my charm and thought that would be enough to seal the bond. What an idiot I can be, but at the same time I at least tried to give into the bond, unlike her. She would just turn away from me and act like I was some low life, like a pest in a common sense. Who gave her the right to treat me in such a way? Maybe her brother was the one who influenced her to be this way with me? I knew that vegetarian vampire had it out for me, it only makes sense since he left, he probably knew she was my mate this whole time. 

She's such a child to top it off. Running away from a bond that is grander than any bond to existence, and yet she turns away from it like a coward. Just like her brother, always going on and off from having mortals or not. In the time she has been here, she is still not drinking human blood. I thought by now she would have converted to our diet but it would seem I was wrong. Another thing to add to my list of changes; being wrong. I have always been right and if someone goes against me then they will end up being sorry. She’s changing me more than I care to ever want.

Y/N POV

It's been a month since I last saw him, even before I would at least catch glimpses of him or he would approach me. He’s nowhere, I even asked some of the guards if they have seen him but I was met with disappointment. Not even Aro or Marcus have been any help, well I haven't actually talked to Aro yet, he still creeps me out. My mind has been rehearsing over and over in what I will say to Caius, it's all I can really think of.  And to think it's only a month, it has felt like an eternity, considering I have been around for a while now, it cannot compare to this month alone. I think I am finally losing it, I believe I am going mental now. The way my mind is being filled with endless thoughts and worries is really pushing me into a not so pretty mindset. I want to cry but I know I am unable to, I want to scream but what will that solve? I want to run away but Demetri would just track me down in an instant. I want to drown myself in books to at least distract my mind but I know whatever I read it would only be twisted and I would be thrown back to thinking about him. 

I even stopped  hunting, I haven't had not one ounce of blood since the last day I saw him. Why do I deserve to satisfy my thirst when I hurt my mate? Oh my mate, how much I am longing to be in his arms right now, telling him how sorry I am. To tell him what an idiot I have been this past half year, to tell him my fears of not being worthy of him, to tell him it's me and not him no matter how foolish that sounds. It's the truth there is nothing wrong with him, not even his anger issues bother me, on the contrary I love how he is not afraid to show his intense emotions out. Oh? I said the L word, well it's no issue to me because I think I do love him. How fucked up is that really? It took for him to stop coming up to me to finally realize I do have love for him.

I have been spending this whole month, when I was not looking for Caius, pacing in my room growing more and more mad. Not the emotion mad but like mentally losing it. But I think I am also mad, I mean I am trying to make it up to him but he won't even give me a chance. It's frustrating really. Oh no. Is this how Caius was when he was trying to seal the bond but I just turned away from him? Now I am really feeling the pain and guilt, this torment is just so painful for anyone to face. I made him go through this, I really am a monster.

I fell to my knees in defeat as I buried my face into my hands, the venom started to fill my eyes. All my walls started to crash down on me and I could feel myself almost physically hyperventilate as I was trying to remember to calm myself. I felt my old human self creep up. In my human years I would have my breakdowns after each lecture my father would give me. His talks about me being the ideal respectful woman would get to me too much.

His preaching never got easier, he even would force me to attend his social gatherings with other men so I could be viewed as an available choice as a wife. When my dad was not having an eye on me, those men would stare at me shamelessly, it made me feel gross and caused me to have a desire to be alone. Another reason why I avoided any type of civilization when me and Carlisle went our separate ways. 

Maybe that’s another reason why I was also being harsh toward Caius, I feared he was going to be like those men. It didn't  help his case to be proven wrong when he kissed me or the way he seduced me endless times. I need to talk to him. 

Caius POV

I feel foolish avoiding my own problems. I tend to get to the bottom of things but in this case it's different. How can I solve this? Wouldn’t it make sense for her to come up to me and apologize for her childish acts? The way she wouldn't even look me in the eye when I talked to her? Or how she would respond to me with a snarky remark? Gosh I think I love her attitude, even if she did hurt my feelings by rejecting me, I think I fell for her more each time I would approach her. But when she pushed me away, I noticed her attitude was true. Why would she want to be with a vampire who has the title of the ‘ruthless one’ out of the three? I never cared for what others think about me but with her, everything suddenly mattered. I wanted her to accept me for me.

My reputation means everything to me, I am the one who does not show mercy and I am the one to not give second chances. As for her, I would give her endless chances if it means she gets to be mine, only she can get her way with me. I would not let anyone know how her rejection has hit me, I would rather let my anger take over me to let others know she has no effect on me. Why is loving someone so hard? Love for me was always something I viewed as a weakness, look at me for merlin sake, I feel like being locked up in a room and refusing to be out and about. 

It is what I have been doing this past month, I been in my art room staring at a blank canvas. My muse, my inspiration, and my desire to create a masterpiece has left me. Before her I would decorate my walls with weekly original art from whatever came to my mind. And yet when she turned away, my yearning vanished like I drop my helpless dead meal fall to the ground after I drained them. 

A while ago I was painting her, I happened to decide to work outside on a little platform reserved for me only and I happened to spot her in the gardens. I never revealed myself to her but I had a perfect view of her staring off into the distance, the right lighting was even hitting her and the scenery around her was every artist's dream come true. 

I only got to sketch the background because I wanted to spend more time on just her. How she was posing unaware of my eyes on her, how her lips were slightly parted, how the wind picked up her hair slightly after each breeze. How her eyes held so much emotion while her other facial features stayed relaxed. She was and still is breathtaking to me. I could spend hours drawing different sketches of her if she were to let me, I even got an idea of a new statue to add in the gardens, it would be of her.

She’s like a reincarnation of Aphrodite, no I am mistaken she is more bewitching than the goddess herself. How have I gone a millennium's without witnessing such beauty in my life? I need her, she’s my missing muse. 

Y/N POV

When I was finally mentally composed enough I walked down one of the many hallways to head to the throne room. I have a feeling he might be there, I don't know where else he could be and nobody has told me about his whereabouts. I arrive hoping to see him there but only Marcus and Aro along with some of the guards who are within the shadows are there. I want to yell at them but I compose myself. 

“Aro, Marcus, where is he?”

Aro who as always tends to act unaware of things unless it is of interest to him decides to mess with me.

“Where’s who?”

“Look I have kept my patience for a while, but if you dare to test me today I will gladly knock you out again but this time it will be a month”

The hidden guards stepped out from the shadows after my little threat, already recognizing them I knew I could take them down. I was lucky that Jane and Alec were not around because my chances of winning would be low. 

“Why should we tell you where he is? Haven't you hurted him enough? I seen his thoughts I know the suffering you have put him through since your arrival”

I wanted to rip his head off so bad. How dare he meddle into mine and Caius' life? Soul brother or not, what me and Caius go through is our own business. I know he makes some sense about the suffering and pain but I have gone through my own pain also. Marcus settled a hand on Aro shoulder before I could think about attacking him

“Aro it is not our business to intercept into our brother and his mate's issues, my dear y/n he is in his art studio. Felix? Demetri? Would you mind taking her to his studio?”

They were both by my side and led me away. Good thing these two were taking me away, they are the only ones who would manage to stop me from attacking. It was a quick sprint and they nodded toward two large mahogany doors, it looked like it was indeed doors to an art room. It also seemed handcrafted, I had never seen such gorgeous details on a door before. I opened the door slowly to do a small peek into the room to see if he was there. He was there on a stool with a loose button up shirt that was open at the throat and he had some casual black slacks. His hair was a bit messy even and yet he was the most striking being I have ever seen in my lifetime. 

His gaze snapped at me as I was closing the door, his irises were matching his pupil from his lack of feeding. His eyes also matched mine, since I was also pushing away the need to feed. He watched my every move like a cat watches a mouse before pouncing on it.

“What do you want?”

“I-I I want to talk to you”

“Is that so? Took you a month to come to some senses did it?”

Well that hurt, I already knew he was going to be a bit sharp with his words yet that line hit me a bit hard.

Maybe this was a bad idea, maybe I still need time to be able to calmly talk to him. No, no keep yourself together y/n, I need to do this for not only my sake but for Caius.

“Well go on with it, I don't have all day”

“Look if you are going to start having an attitude with me then maybe we need to wait another day then to talk”

“I am not with attitude, I am just trying to get to the point, I don't like to dance around issues”

I took an unnecessary gulp like Carlisle would do when he would break bad news to me.

“I love you”

The pencil he had his hand fell to the ground and that was the only noise that was heard after my words. 

“I know you're probably thinking, how cruel can I be to say that after everything that has happened between us but it's the truth. It's always had love for you within me but I was scared to open that door, you see I wish we could turn back time and I could explain to you everything that has been going through my mind before that fateful day. I wanted to tell you something but you left before I could and-”

“Then explain to me why you have acted like a child”

His voice lost its sharpness, instead it was soft, the same softness his eyes reflected currently. I wanted to melt on the spot by how sweet he looked.

“Before I was turned, my father would display me like some doll to show others of my availability as a wife, when he was not looking the men he was presenting me to would basically undress me with there eyes, some of them would be brave enough and leave lingering touches on me after I would shake their hands, the only males in my life I trusted after that was Carlisle, even in my time when we were apart I was never near civilization, I feared for the day I would have to be around others.” He stood up from his stool but he stayed at a distance from me still.

“When I saw you I thought it was time to heal completely from my trauma, but with the way you would approach me it gave me slight flashbacks from the past, and it made me recoil from you a bit, but at the same time I wanted to be by your side. What didn't even help my case was I had a fear of not being enough for you. How can a vampire like me who has such fears be worthy of a king like you? You deserve someone who doesn't still feel an ick when she’s around others for too long. I felt if we were to talk sooner then we wouldn't be in this position but no you just did a quick and go, made me feel unworthy of your time even”

I wanted to say more but I decided to give Caius a space to talk also, I wrapped my arms around myself for comfort and looked away from him. I feel exposed and anxious just standing here in silence, waiting for him to say something. Please say something already.

“I was not expecting you to even start this with those words”

I knew it was strange to say that but I mean I wanted to reassure him I do have feelings for him.

“I think you make a great point in we should of had a civil conversation at the start of this to avoid our current issues, I-I apologize for my behavior, it was uncalled for and inappropriate of me to try to nurture our bond by seducing you in such a way, you should of been treated like a queen with respect and love. But you are wrong of not deserving me, on the contrary I feel like it's the opposite, you deserve someone better than me, after all the shit I put you through without knowing what you been through, Marcus advised me to be there for you and yet I was hardly there”

I felt my eyes fill with venom again but I was still not looking at him so he was not aware of how I was reacting to his declaration. 

“But at the same time I thought it was a bit foolish of you to try to back away from me, you should know from now on that when it comes to you, you can tell me whatever you want, no matter how harsh or straight forward your words might get, I can take it, you are my mate after all. I never want you to feel uncomfortable around me or feel the need to distance yourself from me either because I cannot bare being separated from you, incase you haven’t noticed I haven't been feeding lately either, much like I can see from your once glowing amber eyes that I manage to fall for, but back on topic we can work on your healing process together, no matter how long it takes we do have forever after all”

I looked up at him finally to be met with eyes filled with venom too. Not really having control over my mind or body I ran to him to pull him into a deep hug. His arms not thinking twice wrapped around me like if it were second nature to him. At that moment it felt as if our issues never existed and we were happy once again, so this is how Marcus felt with Didyme, now I understand why he was so worried for us. I would rather kill every being who dared to harm Caius in any way, than to see him suffer anymore than he needs. We fit perfectly into each other, it felt like we were molded into one another, it felt like home. I'm finally home in the arms of a man I can trust and…love. 

I looked up at him and gave his cheek a kiss. I was going to kiss his lips but decided to pull a Caius in this situation with a simple “Com tempo”. He smiled lazily at me at the sudden realization that I used the same two words he said to me a while back. 

“I'm willing to go into this bond fully, no more avoiding you because that only causes more harm for us. I don't want to be separated from you either because with all honesty the moment I saw your eyes I was enchanted by you, for a moment I saw a whole future with you and even though I was recoiling from you after each encounter with you, I couldn't help but fall for you a bit each time. Even that kiss made my stomach weirdly flip” 

He caressed my cheek with his thumb while his other arm was wrapped snugly around my waist as we was listening to me. Whereas my hands rested on his chest, I was trying very hard not to look at his exposed chest and or his collarbone, because even this small exposure of skin looked like art. 

“I vow to never become one of those filthy sorry excuses of men, if I could I would hunt them down one by one and drain them completely. No one will harm you, I would certainly never dream of creating such misery for you. But why don't we take some time to spend together and just get everything out. Hmm?”

“I would love that Caius”

He leaned in to give my forehead a tenderful kiss that would have woken Sleeping Beauty herself up. 

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Epilogue 

‘Dear Carlisle, 

As I write to you, me and Caius have come to be in a better position. We are spending more time together and we have brought up any miscommunication we failed to address from the beginning and solved them up one by one. We are at a point where I feel like we have known each other since the beginning of time. I never felt more at home since before mother passed. Caius really is my other half, we even spend hours in his art room, drawing whatever. He tends to create masterpieces of me being his muse. I even included a painting to this package I am sending of the painting I did from my garden here in Volterra.

I feel more comfortable around the others even, that ick I would tell you about is finally gone and I could spend hours with the guards who I have grown close to. I can never forget to tell you how whenever I talk to Marcus, I see a piece of you in him, I miss you so much but this is the closest I have to having you near me. I hope you and Esme plus the kids are doing well enough. Maybe soon enough we'll see each other, and tell Alice I forgive her, I now know her true intentions and I thank her”

Love y/n”

As Carlisle finished reading out loud the letter to Esme he smiled at the part of seeing his sister soon. But he did not forget to mention to Esme a ‘Finally” after realizing his sister is finally happy with her mate.

[acoraxia]

(i wrote this while sick before going to the movies and then finished it after watching a movie so forgive me if it's incoherent or whateer im laying down)

do you ever think about how Azure Lion groomed Sun Wukong from a young age into being this perfect people to act as the poster child for the Brotherhood, abandoned him at his worst, was confident he could manipulate him into working for him again and then tried to do the same with Xiaotian and Xiaojiao upon first meeting them? And that, by association, he almost groomed Macaque and you can see how his manipulation affected Macaque even into adulthood when he first met Xiaotian?

No?

Azure Lion groomed Sun Wukong, tried to groom Qi Xiaotian (and Long Xiaojiao) and heavily affected Macaque's world view on Sun Wukong.

EDITOR'S NOTE:: grooming in this case does not mean anything sexual between the characters, grooming is a common trope in media and it's commonly seen as a power imbalance and manipulation tactic (see: when a father grooms his son to take over the company by inflicting him with his own ideals)

Azure Lion has a tendency to display Sun Wukong on this high pedestal and sound very confident in how he describes him. The very first thing he says in his debut is this:

“I'm flattered, truly, but if it were not for Sun Wukong bringing us together, right? Without you, none of this would be possible. Your courage to stand up to the Celestial Host has inspired us to finally take a stand. To make a true difference in the world. And I could think of none other more suitable to lead us on our conquest than you, brother.”

notice how throughout this episode sequence Azure is spoken about like he's the leader and right in every word he says. The other adults at the table (Peng, DBK and Yellow Tusk) smile and turn to him as though he's in the right. They hang on to his every word. something interesting is the fact Macaque and Sun Wukong are talked down to like they're the younger pair of the brotherhood — Peng's insults to Macaque, the way DBK asks SWK to repeat what happened during Havoc in Heaven—

heck even the way they laugh at Sun Wukong when he's being silly is a clear indicator that they see him as... silly.

It isn't until Azure Lion speaks up that they turn to him and start seeing Sun Wukong into a new light.

Not only that but the way that Azure talks to Sun Wukong raises several red flags. He looks at all his brothers the same way (e.g when he's helping Peng during a flashback in Episode 8) but it raises so many red flags when he looks at Wukong like this.

And Wukong hangs on to his every word.

Because Sun Wukong believes in what Azure Lion is saying to him. Everyone believes him in that moment. he sounds so confident in the way he says none of this would be possible without sun wukong. It's a way to manipulate him especially considering Sun Wukong was not the one to form the Brotherhood - Azure was. Azure decided to form this trio after seeing Sun Wukong for the first time according his own flashback:

And guess what? It works. Sun Wukong was minding his own business up until that point, the only thing he'd done (if the timeline matches up correctly) was become immortal and return to Flower Fruit Mountain to train his monkey army. In JTTW at this point he would've turned into a giant version of himself, scaring the other spirit kings into joining alliances with him just from witnessing that—instead we get Azure Lion believing him to be the perfect idol for his plan to come into fruition.

Fun Fact: Macaque is the only one who looks at Sun Wukong like this during Azure Lion's little speech about him and being the rightful leader of the brotherhood.

He seems more confused and shocked than the rest of them are. Mind you, he's known Sun Wukong longer than the rest of them have.

He hears Azure Lion, a veteran celestial warrior, praise his best friend and put him up on a pedestal and it confuses him. because his best friend is not like that. at least, he thinks so—but Azure sounds confident, right? he's speaking so confidently about this, so he must be right... right?

It will, eventually, lead to Macaque changing his view on Sun Wukong entirely. this is why we have shadowplay.

"That's what I believed. What Azure would have you believe."

Azure Lion affected not only Sun Wukong but Macaque in his manipulation — the timeline does not show us where Macaque went after his fall out with Wukong but the theory that he ran into the Camel Ridge Trio before fighting Wukong again works considering that line.

(Not only that but Macaque also tries to do this with Xiaotian: he introduces himself in a easily approachable way and trains him, takes him under his wing, then stomps on him the moment he stops being useful to him. he uses him to get to Sun Wukong. Xiaotian reminds Macaque of Sun Wukong and he uses similar tactics that Azure Lion used to get to Xiaotian — and it isn't until the Samadhi Fire Ritual that he realizes what he's done by being reminded of his and Wukong's fallout. He, a bystander, was also affected and influenced by Azure's manipulation.)

Additionally, Sun Wukong defends Azure Lion. He justifies attacking Heaven during Havoc in Heaven, he justifies the brotherhood's plan to go to war against Heaven—none of these plans are Sun Wukong's ideas. They are Azure's influence. In the original book, the reason why Wukong attacks Heaven in the first place is because they refuse to grant him the respect he wishes and thus Heaven is angry at him for dubbing himself the Great Sage Equal to Heaven. They ask the Jade Emperor to take care of Sun Wukong and he does—which, y'know, ends up with Wukong imprisoned afterwards. But in Monkie Kid it's all because of Azure's influence on Wukong.

Because he groomed him into being a faithful right hand man. And he is so confident in that that he gives these grand speeches and pep talks and says every perfect little line to make Sun Wukong want to follow him to Hell and back.

"When we triumph in this rebellion, the people will never live in fear. We're about to change everything. It's all because of you, brother!"

And, of course, he tries this on Xiaotian and Xiaojiao, too, when he first meets them.

When he presents himself to Xiaotian and Xiaojiao, he comes to their rescue. He already introduces himself as a savior and protagonist because he saves them from the scroll—even seemingly displaying himself as non-threatening because, while he laughs at them, he does so in a manner that's sincere and genuine. It's a goofy laugh. He's being goofy. He's playing to their good side.

It's the way he talks to them and laughs, introduces himself with such flamboyance and loudness that he mirrors Sun Wukong himself. He is such a direct influence to Sun Wukong that it carries throughout the few scenes we see of him that resemble what Sun Wukong has done with Xiaotian: the astral projection, the goofy displays of excitement, the sarcastic tones when talking about Tang, the way he greats his brothers when they are freed as old friends and all cheery and genuine.

He allows himself to be called uncy lion and romanticizes the past of the brotherhood while not elaborating on the fact he lead Sun Wukong and his brothers to a war while still blaming the aftermath and defeat of their party on Sun Wukong.

"Ah, well. The Sun Wukong isn't exactly the easiest person to get along with. He has quite a habit of keeping people at arm's length. We were young, mistakes were made... and some mistakes can't be undone."

He speaks of him in a way to spark doubt between Xiaotian and Xiaojiao and it works in the way they react to what he says. They are disheartened and Xiaojiao even mentions, later, how Sun Wukong has had a habit of keeping things to himself. I wonder why that is.

" [...] If your friendship with Monkey King meant anything to you—" "It meant everything to me." [....] "We're brothers. Nothing could ever change that."

It's the way that Azure talks to them about Sun Wukong. It's the way he still thinks he is close enough to Sun Wukong to say that nothing will change their relationship. It's the way that he tries to plant these ideas into Xiaotian's head when they first meet, because he is the Monkie Kid.

That and the fact that later, when Sun Wukong is bursting through each and every memory, he reaches Xiaotian and goes to him and tries to comfort him and say they'll get to safety soon and they just have to deal with the scroll curse—it's the fact that the moment

that pigsy

mentions Azure Lion

all of that gets paused for a moment

"Oh he says his name like that because he put him in the scroll, he shouldn't be here—" there is also the fact he's not fully blown surprised by this. he's also wary. he's hesitant. sure you can say he's surprised to hear they've met Azure Lion,

but then you get this

this is hatred. this is anger. this is not what Sun Wukong feels towards Macaque during Season 3 — he lunged at Macaque for putting Xiaojiao in danger, for putting Xiaotian in danger, for ruining his plan, and he hesitates to attack him, to deliver that final blow, his fist is shaking and Tang's interuption easily causes him to lose focus and he drops Macaque. He lets go.

THIS? This is him protecting Xiaotian. this is him not wanting Xiaotian near Azure. Xiaotian looks at Azure with wide eyes and a gaping mouth because "oh Azure's here?" but Wukong knows better.

And you cannot tell me Sun Wukong was not heavily hurt by Azure Lion's actions without looking at the way that Sun Wukong puts himself between Azure and Xiaotian immediately, how Sun Wukong tries to be a better person by putting Xiaotian's safety first, always, even if it means he gets possessed or hurt or thrown around.

You cannot tell me Azure Lion wasn't a manipulator or abuser or a person who used Sun Wukong's admiration of him against him, to turn him into an obedient follower and devoted friend, when the very first thing he does when he sees Wukong step between him and Xiaotian is sigh.

Sighs like an older mentor looking at their pupil and going "didn't I teach you better than that?"

And then he imprisons Sun Wukong.

Because he is of no use to him at that moment.

And the fucking kicker: Xiaojiao modeled her new sword after Azure Lion, then is blatantly disgusted by this when she figures out how much of a bastard he is and openly says so. Xiaotian looks distraught and confused. Because Azure admits to being guilty of using them and manipulating them. He aims for sympathy with them.

He aims for sympathy with Xiaotian.

He twists the narrative again when he and Xiaotian are alone.

He's manipulating him. He's using him.

He keeps painting Sun Wukong in this negative light. he keeps putting himself up as the sympathetic victim of it all.

"My former brother was sent to destroy us and all we had built."

and yet he still talks about Wukong as though he has a grasp on their relationship. he calls him brother. he has not abandoned that title. he still thinks of Sun Wukong as his brother and will continue to use him and his name in whatever way possible to get ahead.

Maybe it is not on purpose and Azure thinks he is being true and genuine with Xiaotian but it does not erase the fact he twists the narrative to paint Sun Wukong in a negative light in front of his successor. Because Sun Wukong and Xiaotian have a strong relationship, a bond so strong that Qi Xiaotian bursts with power and strength when he realizes Azure will not give him back to him. It's precision and control and Qi Xiaotian could wreck havoc among everyone for keeping his mentor away from him but he is so controlled and careful with his movements that he manages to not attack Azure, but throw him off balance to get him to release Azure.

All because Sun Wukong is important to him.

Because Sun Wukong was not going to treat his successor as though he were a weapon or a pawn in some major scheme like he was.

Azure Lion showers people with praise that they do not deserve nor want and does so in a way that makes the party feel either delighted to have aided with his success or horrified at the revelation. He does so when Sun Wukong brings the brotherhood together (which wouldn't have happened if Azure Lion hadn't seen Sun Wukong with his subjects that one day) and he does so when Qi Xiaotian for returning his brothers to him (which he didn't know he was doing, because Azure Lion told him he needed to defeat the curse without mentioning his friends would be released too, at least from what I can remember).

"His betrayal, his brutality. He took the only friends I had from me. I would have done anything in my power to bring them back. But it wasn't in my power, it was in yours. You saved my friends. You returned them to me. And for that, I am eternally grateful."

This is similar to what he says to Sun Wukong when he was thanking him for bringing the brotherhood together.

And then, what happens when all this manipulating and tricking does not work? When Qi Xiaotian teams up with Sun Wukong instead of siding with Azure Lion?

"After all Sun Wukong has put you through, how much he's let you down, you would still meet your fate trying to protect him?! (...) He doesn't deserve such loyalty, yet you insist on learning the hard way, just as I did! I should've never trusted the Monkey King! The False Sage, Equal to Nothing!"

He fucking insults Sun Wukong. Sun Wukong who rushes in to protect Xiaotian, who shoves Azure Lion out of the way, and checks on Qi Xiaotian when he glitches out and starst to lose control of his powers.

And when he's losing against Xiaotian? When he struggles to keep up with him?

"Look what he's done to you! Reduced you to a mindless, savage animal."

Again, Macaque's obsession over Sun Wukong makes sense now. His obsession is a result of Azure Lion's doing. His obsession is what Qi Xiaotian could have been had he not known Sun Wukong for who he really is: his mentor and friend.

What gets to me is what Xiaotian says to him when he's losing:

"That's what you were pretending to be, right? To be my friend? To care about me? When really, you were just using me to get what you wanted! To turn me against my own mentor! Well, put your hand in the monkey cage and expect to get bit, son! Come on! Come on! Come on, Uncy Lion! You're the big hero, right?! Then prove it! Show me!"

It's a perfect way of snapping back at Azure for all his manipulation.

And then Azure dies.

He learns he's being manipulated for someone else. He cries and smiles and dies.

What for?

He doesn't save anybody.

He doesn't suffer consequences of manipulating people. He doesn't do anything heroic and he doesn't even save the world by sacrificing himself because Nezha is the one who seals away the Jade Emperor's powers in the end.

He's a natural manipulator.

He's not a hero.

he's a loser

[marshemillow]

I know I'm just preaching to the choir at this point, but I absolutely HATE how cancel culture has completely spiraled out of control.

Sorry to fucking break it to you, but nobody takes your callout posts seriously anymore because you've collectively decided that;

"This person is against harassment" "This person ships gross ships" "This person said something off-color on twitter when they were 13" and "This person is a current threat to real children"

Are all on the same level of bad. You really think anyone is going to care about your opinion on the "pedophile" you found this week when your definition of "pedophile" is so broad it could include anyone at any time??

I'm also sick of hearing about all the real predators that flew under the radar harming real children for YEARS just because they said all the right key words and started the right harassment campaigns against the right people, basically clearing them of all suspicion, so shipping gross ships is actually punished way more harshly than being a real child rapist, not that anyone would think otherwise anyway with how many times a callout post goes on and on about how bad some person is because they ship gross ships and have a secret AO3 account where they write stories about abuse and old DeviantArt drawings of zadr from when they were 7, and then right at the end they tack on "oh and also they raped an 11-year-old" as if it's only barely relevant extra information and not what should be THE MAIN POINT OF THE GODDAMN POST!!! Like nobody's going to read that far to get to the real point so the post overall was meaningless!!!

These people clearly need to go back to grade school to read the boy who cried wolf, because it's clear that they think just slamming the PEDO button over and over and over again will always have the same reaction every time, and when it doesn't, they think it means everyone else must be a pedo or pedo-apologist when the callout posters actually just created a reason why they can't be trusted, and don't think I didn't notice how many of these people who are canceled are queer or jewish, trans people are targets I swear like 1/3rd of the time!!! Why are so many cancelled people trans when they make up less than 2% of the overall population?? If you think it's because trans people are predators, then you clearly have worse problems than whoever you're falsely accusing.

It's obviously just a tactic people use to be able to ruin the life of anyone they want as an act of petty revenge and NOT because they're interested in protecting anyone. These are often good innocent people who sometimes end up committing suicide because of how badly their reputation was ruined by allegations that weren't even true.

And that's not even the worst part; Which is that the more you falsely accuse people who are innocent, the less people who have real allegations are believed, the more abusers can get away with abusing.

And that's not even getting into people who are called transphobic because they talk about intersexism, trans men who are slammed for being men, bisexual people who are slammed for having "straight-passing privilage", asians who are victims of horrific racist harassment campaigns even by people who aren't white, and many many other examples, ending in entire communities that are easily groomed into extremist ideologies because they don't have the tools to see through their bullshit thanks to all the bad faith discourse saying shit that's actually nonsense but laiden with guilt, so you HAVE to agree if you don't want to be cancelled yourself, and in turn of course, that leads to even more people who will never admit when they're wrong because "admitting you're wrong" is the same thing as accepting whatever punishment the witch hunters have planned for you on top of losing your humanity because you have to be perfect all the time always and if you make one single mistake you're a monster who deserves to die.

It's so fucking horrific, and it needs to stop.

[candyskiez]

3, 4, 5, and 13 for the toh ask game!

3: Oh this is HARD. I'm currently beginning a rewatch so this might change? Y'know y'know. But I think it's Eclipse Lake. It's just so....man. The nuance. The depth. Genuinely such an accurate portrayal of abuse. I've said it before but just. It's so realistic. I like that they don't make Hunter a perfect victim. He's rude, he's bratty, he's manipulative as FUCK in this episode. We see how he got so far as the Golden Guard. He's cunning. He's smart. He's just also insanely reckless with his life because he was taught it's irrelevant. He uses the same tactics on Amity that Belos used on Lilith. It's also a very raw depiction of an abused teenager that just. Doesn't pull any punches. I love that Amitys trauma doesn't go away and that it shows that trauma influences all kinds of relationships you find yourself in. I don't know what I can say about it that I haven't already said. It's just. An excellent episode about abuse that handles the subject matter properly. It's just fucking GOOD man

4. Hmmm. That's a good question. Honestly? Aladarius. They're interesting! I know it's. Nonsensical given we know scraps. But. Listen. Listen. They're FUN. They have it all. Weird sexual tension filled angsty rivalry, childhood best friends turnt awkward tension, comedic gold, divorced energy, absolutely loving and tender after canon, what more can I ask for? I just ..I love thinking about them. I love thinking about the possibility of what their dynamic with Odalia was like when the three of them were best friends. I like thinking about them both having so many regrets with how their relationship ended, but they can't say it. They can't get it out. Darius can't risk ever being hurt like that again, the idea of getting his heart broken again is too much, and the idea of having to be NEAR Odalia or having to think about the thousands of hurts near that is enough to make him sick, and hes trying to tell himself hes over it. Alador is just...resigned. He can't fix it. He feels like he can't. They both fucked up so bad and were...not very good people at some point but try SO hard to be better and they make me so emotional. God. With that being said they do not touch dating until their kids are grown up. Ty and gn. Also I love thinking about them having a conversation about Odalia and going "What happened to the friend we knew? Did she ever exist?" "I don't know." "...Would that be worse?" "I don't know." And. Eats a leg.

5. Oh man this is a HARD one. There's so many good ones! Genuinely just ...so many. So fucking many. One that has absolutely no canon backing in any way whatsoever is Darius and His mentor but. That probably doesn't count for many obvious reasons. So I'll take actual canon. Eda and Luz. I fucking love them. They love each other SO MUCH. Eda calling Luz her kid makes me want to scream and just. God. They're what the other needed. Eda needed someone who gave her a reason to get up and keep going. Someone to make her see the outside world. If King and Luz hadn't shown up, she would've rotted away in that tower forever. She needed a purpose, needed someone who made her stop and see that there were some people worth protecting. Luz made Eda see the outside world and. God. Goddd. And Eda being the accepting mentor she needed, offering her companionship when she needed it the most. Scared and sad and lonely, she needed someone to tell her nothing was wrong with her. She needed someone who could help her figure her weirdness out in a safe environment. And Eda was that. Eda helped her so much. And the owl family gets separated over an dover and over again and then Luz breaks that cylce of pain by COMING BACK and going, no, you know what? This doesn't get to end in tragedy. I love Eda. I love King. I love Hooty and Lilith and Camilia ad Hunter and Willow and Gus and Amity. You don't get to take this from me. I'm going to live on the isles and be happy. I'm going to live. I love my family. And just. Man. Man. Considering Eda and Luz both go through depressive periods in the show it's so. Man. MAN.

13. Season two! Simply because it has the most amount of favorite episodes. It's just a really good season man idk what to tell you.

It's. Late at night for me so sorry for incoherency wah

[fireangel]

Random thought about Vermont/NYE:

So at some point Tara still had CE house listing up on her real estate website right?

Once you have one address, if all of the houses he owned were held under the same Trust name or whatever, you'd be able to find the other addresses meaning you'd be able to find the place in Vermont prior to a trip you had planned months in advance with your best friend and his sister....

So, she spends a year molding herself into whatever social media and fans are saying about what his FS is supposed to be like and then shows up on the doorstep of one of his houses and takes photos on the slope next to it to troll the fans they knew had taken notice of them?

Makes you wonder about the font that originally pointed her out, I heard she got hacked too....

Still makes me question who is actually doing all of this, because it only seems to benefit her team having all of this mess cleaned up themselves to cover their tracks

Who of them is arranging fans being hacked and used?

I mean did they break into both the place in LA and Vermont?

"Ran into Scott" etc on the ski slopes and invite themselves along to Chris' place in Mass except Chris isn't there because he got sick over New Year's eve (Did anyone notice how unwell he looked in the Nobu photoshoot?)

We know he has a bad habit of letting just anyone use his places out of politeness or generosity when making a new friend but according to my timeline they didn't meet if at all until the Vegas trip

Let's see: heads to LA, takes photos at his house, hears about the drag brunch and gaps it to Las Vegas hanging out with Scott etc the whole time

Chris heads to Portugal to quarantine to catch up with Hayley (That's who the original trip to the northern lights was with?) Has to fly back to Atlanta to quarantine yet again prior filming ghosted

So he was only in Las Vegas for a day for a photo session he took for a Restaurant, and in his own little working bubble due to his next trip to catch up with Hayley?

Is that why 🐟 suddenly changed her location back to Portugal? Because she thought it hadn't worked?

So.....she really was actually stalking the guy? Or her team was helping her to?

I did hear about the last con he attended about how he was staying out of sight due to a girl stalking him that he was genuinely worried about, and this was prior to the papwalk....

The question for me remains, who sent her mother the pumpkin picture?

It could only have come from HIS team if they had it ready to post on his IG

Because that single thing is what set off the twisted change to this whole PR situation, which I'm pretty sure was originally set up as PR for Ana De Armas' benefit for the release of Ghosted

Faking a romance between co stars is not an unusual Hollywood tactic is it

👏🫠

Isn't one of Christopher's friends a computer science guy? 🤔

Oh wait he's just a website designer meaning he has Photoshop skills like I do......👏🫠

Photo dump anyone?

What a shitshow 💩

🤍🪽✨

[cagedchoices]

I saw a post the other day that said it's weird when people say “[muse name] is so spicy right now” because, in their words, “people who do that are just writing smut as a self-insert fantasy to get off to" I thought that was kind of reductive and untrue and it kind of highlights a growing issue I’ve noticed in the RPC and I kind of just wanted to talk about it from my own perspective.

I am an asexual, aromantic, and nonbinary afab person. My most consistently present roleplay muse for the past 4 years is a cis man I headcanon to be bisexual and biromantic. I feel like it should be somewhat obvious that this is not a self insert fantasy for me, but if it's not that obvious, I'll try to explain.

Initially, I based Caleb's sexuality off an admittedly narrow perception of his canon background. I interpreted his relationship with Francis as romantic partially because at the time, I thought “There’s no heterosexual explanation for how emotional Caleb gets whenever he thinks about Francis, so therefore he must have been in love with this man.”

In addition to that, Caleb had 2 failed relationships after Francis died and there’s nothing dictating what gender(s) those partners were.

I was also partially motivated by spite. How many times has everyone heard “ugh not every close emotional bond between two men has to be gay 😒” ? How many times has that been used to shut down any conversation on the question of sexuality when it involves two male characters? I was sick of it.

I used to say that though. Before I knew any better. I'd see two characters who had a connection I liked seeing as platonic, and instead of reasoning that it's perfectly valid to interpret these characters how you want, I would be like “no. absolutely not. these characters aren't gay because the author didn't write them to be and didn't say they were and actually it's pretty homophobic to think the only way men can be emotionally vulnerable is if they're gay” which is…STUPID lmao don't be like Past Me. That was a DARVO tactic and a particularly shitty one at that. I'm not like that anymore and I'm glad I learned to do better.

Anyways... I love shipping, but I’m less attached to looking through shipping goggles these days and I try not to look at anything from such a narrow point of view anymore. Now whenever I think about the bond between Caleb and Francis, I can see it in a multitude of ways. Which is the same way I see his bond with Dolores in season 3 and his bond with Maeve in season 4. And further how I see potential for ships I develop in roleplay.

But recently I'd been struggling a little bit with truly defining the difference between romantic versus platonic ideals. Most of the generic definitions I see out there describe romantic attraction as being “the desire to do romantic things with someone” and then the examples listed are something like “kissing, holding hands, getting married, spending time together, etc.” and I'm just like “okay what about when people do those things *without* romantic attraction involved?”

Like it just breaks my brain. People get married for reasons that aren't out of love sometimes. And as much as I like kiss scenes in fiction and I like writing them when my brain stops short circuiting long enough to actually do that, I think the entire act of putting your mouth on another human’s mouth and sometimes getting tongues or teeth involved in smushing your lips together over and over again is a really weird ritual to show someone you like them. I still write it though because it's cute. As for holding hands and spending time together?? Are we just not supposed to spend time with friends ever? What the fuck.

I stumbled across a video a few days ago by a neuroscientist who has studied the concept of love in the human brain and what she said helped me put things into a better perspective. Someone asked her if there's a good way to differentiate between platonic and romantic relationships when, especially in modern society, we don't have as much separation between the things humans do WITH romantic partners versus in non-romantic relationships and the lines blur more than they used to in the past.

What she said was that romantic love behaves similarly to an obsession or addiction in the brain. It's not just the fact that you want to DO so-called romantic activities with someone, it's more that you want to do them so badly with a specific person, you can't really let go of the thought until you follow the impulse to do it.

Kissing, for example. It's possible you might want to kiss a friend you have a strong platonic bond with, but if you don’t do it, then the interest usually fades and the brain will quickly move on. On the other hand, if you have a crush/partner/spouse/any kind of romantic connection and you want to kiss them, the brain will most likely fixate on the thought of kissing them until you actually go and do something. It will not fully move on until it gets the dopamine hit.

I guess since I’m aromantic, this means that for me, I don’t experience that addictive feeling of wanting to do something with someone so badly that it's all I think about. But I write a muse who is biromantic and does experience romantic attraction, which sort of requires me to know how it works, so I can actually write about it.

I see sexual attraction in a similar way. I’m asexual and in my case, I'm one of the ones who doesn't experience sexual attraction in any way and is not comfortable with being personally involved in sex. But my muse is bisexual and does experience sexual attraction.

So I decided to start writing smutty things last year and I had a couple reasons for it. The first is that I had never actually written smut before so it was something new to try, and practice would mean I would get better at it.

The second was that I have watched, for years, many of my mutuals routinely participate in sexy sunday and similar things. It probably sounds kind of like peer pressure, but it wasn’t like anyone was really encouraging me to do anything or not do anything. It was more like after years and years of existing in my own bubble of never engaging in it, I wanted to see what I was missing. Completely my choice.

Thirdly, after tackling the subjects of “where the fuck do you put your hands?” “does this position sound physically possible? or...comfortable?” and the like, writing simple kiss scenes or non-sexual intimacy no longer feels like a monumental task that I mentally freeze up on the second I realize I have to write.

For a while it also got very hard for me to figure out when someone wanted to ship with me versus when they didn’t. I was afraid to ask. I started overthinking everything to the effect of “what if they think I’m being presumptuous and pressuring them into writing a romantic relationship they don’t want?” or “what if they are afraid to tell me they actually Are interested in a ship in case i think they’re trying to pressure me into it instead?”

There was also quite a bit of “oh god what if they see that i wrote my muse on a date with someone in a certain location and when i put our muses in that same location for a different thread they think it’s a date too when it’s not?” or even “what if a mun of a duplicate muse sees me writing a ship with a different partner writing the same muse and they start thinking i’m only writing with them to add them to a weird little collection or something?” and all the social anxiety I fall victim to when my mental health gets tanked by stress and depression.

All of this to say, now that I’ve climbed back out of the pit of despair I fell into… I don’t think anything is as simple as “people only write shipping to fulfill the desire for a relationship/people only write smut to fulfill their own sexual desires.” I think you have to take it on a case by case basis and not make broad assumptions. Otherwise all you're gonna do is alienate people over things that really don't matter.

Plus, maybe it's just that “[muse name] is feeling so spicy right now!” is a lot quicker and easier to say than “the part of my subconscious imagination that [muse name] occupies is telling me that if this muse were a real person, they would be feeling sexually aroused right about now and I'm willing to write about it!” so like. Y’know.

[feltpool]

Focus Shift

Can we look at this scene for one moment instead of what happens a moment afterwards?

Because yet again we get a moment of ‘not getting to see the important moment but having it referred to anyway’.

“Remember what I said” says Hunter.

But we don’t know what thing he said that he’s referring to. Or when he said it.

So how are we supposed to be able to put this moment into any proper sort of context when we have no clue which of the many things he’s said that he could be meaning, let alone whether that’s a moment that appeared onscreen or not?

But we’re quickly hurried away from thinking about that by them dropping a bigger moment in just seconds later to take all of the focus away what what Hunter just said.

They keep on trying to lead us with this exact same distraction technique, and it’s usually very effective for the first day or two after the episode airs. But it’s a bullshit tactic and doesn’t get any better, or any more convincing, the more they use it.

[justiceamberheard]

For the first time, I'm reading the transcripts of that phone call and I feel so sick. After being abused my whole life, it is so clear to see, all of Johnny's tactics. It's textbook abuse tactics. The "i love yous" being repeated again and again while she's trying to present facts. The not responding to her arguments, but instead making "veiled" (not so veiled) threats about how he "doesn't want" to tarnish and hurt her but he will he if he "has to" (aka if she "forces" him to). How he keeps going back and forth between those two, saying it'll be "bad for them" but "worse for her" and then bouts of "i love you and i will fix all of this." Only to then, as she continues bringing up facts and proof and is not swayed, him finally trying to flip it on her, the question "do you honestly believed you were abused?" (i've had that question asked to me before by a sibling about my mother and FUCK it hurts like nothing else), and then the attempt to make it all her fault, when he'd just spent the last however minutes defending her, and agreeing with her to try and appease her, and get control over the situation again. The ultimatum of "this is it, this is the last drop," when she's kept calm and rational, if shaken, and keeps going back to facts, and he presents none. How "offended" he is, that she would say this, that she would do that, that she would say she was abused. The way he keeps using pet names, and calling her baby to try and make her smaller. I've had 6 years of therapy to first accept I was abused, and then learn to recognize and fight those exact same tactics. I'm from an entirely different ass country, and he uses every single tactic my mother used on me my entire life. This just proves how horrendous people's education about abuse is. I would need no other proof (even though there are countless ones) if I just read those transcripts (also guess what? whenever i argue back, or refuse to engage in the abuse, my mother cries like i'm the one who's just abused her. deep, hurtful, minutes long, dignified tears too. every. single. time. pretending to be the real victim is just another tactic, nothing else, real victims tend to struggle with the concept of being one, and accepting what was done to them, and though there are exceptions to everything, that is clearly the case here, we see her saying "I never wanted to think of myself that way" while he wastes no time in calling himself a victim, it's almost like he doesn't meant it, so it has no emotional baggage behind it). It's black on white, and clear as day to anyone that has ever been through abuse before. And it's PAINFUL to watch her not be believed, her being belittled, this way.

thank you for sharing this with us.

[2dmenenthusiast]

"You're not even my favorite sibling, really."

(John Seed x Deputy Gn!Reader)

It's here, besties. My hiatus is (somewhat) over, and I'm proud to present this baby. It's a bit of a short one, but there will definitely be more John in the future cuz I am a whore for that man and I had fun writing for him. Anyways, I hope ya'll enjoy 😌

Summary: You're trapped in John's bunker again, and rather than exposing one of your sins, you discover his instead.

Word Count: 1k

Warnings/other info: swearing, kidnapping, slight use of knives, John being a little shit, reader is gender nuetral

You’d been here before.

This dark room, in the same chair. Your fingers flexed, wrists uncomfortably rubbing against the duct tape wrapped around them, and you took a deep breath. John’s bunker, a place you had become very familiar with in the past couple of weeks. It smelled faintly of John’s cologne, and you couldn’t decipher if it was because he’d been down here so much that his smell became a permanent part of the room, or if it was because he’d been near you recently. Probably a combination of both.

You heard a metal door squeak open and footsteps soon after, each footfall growing closer until they stopped directly behind you. It was so quiet, you were sure he could hear your thundering heartbeat, and you had to hold in a gasp when you felt his fingers sweep over the back of your neck, a shudder rolling through you that you hoped he didn’t catch.

“Deputy.”

You let out a breath through your nose, shoulders relaxing, and you didn’t bother to look back at him as you let your lips twitch up into a smirk. “John.”

His fingers moved, hand settling at the base of your neck and digits curling around it, and he gave the sides of your neck an experimental squeeze.

“You don’t seem surprised to be here. I was expecting a little more resistance from you.”

You scoffed. “I’m sorry to disappoint. What is this, the third time you’ve kidnapped me? If you wanna surprise me, maybe try something a little different next time.”

“Oh?” He stepped around the chair and crouched in front of you, and you finally made eye contact with his crystal blue eyes as he looked up at you with a grin. “And what would you suggest I do?”

“Well, if you’re accepting requests,” you leaned forward in your seat, close enough that you could feel his breath on your face, “maybe instead of using your snipers and little bliss bullets, you can come out and face me yourself. Take me down like a man.”

His jaw visibly clenched, and he stood to his full height as you leaned back in the chair. It was always the same song and dance with him. You’d destroy his property, he’d taunt you over the radio, he’d have you kidnapped, and then you would escape. The cycle repeated over and over, and at this point, you thought it was becoming a lame tactic to actually see you. Like these little “visits” you had were the highlight of his week. You couldn’t lie, it was fun. Messing with him, taunting him. You hated to admit that you enjoyed getting a rise out of him, that some sick little part of you craved his attention. But you weren’t the only one. You swore that if you weren’t out destroying his shit and making his life hell, he’d probably be bored out of his mind.

But you had a feeling this was the last straw. You’d just destroyed his monstrous “YES” sign, leaving it as nothing but a pile of debris, and it was safe to say he was not happy with the situation. He could practically see your smile when he heard you talk through the radio afterward, fingers clenching tightly around his walkie until he thought he might just break it. That’s when he knew he had to have you back in his chair. He had to see you begging, pleading. He had to hear you say yes.

Grabbing a knife from the table, John rolled up a chair and sat down a couple of feet away in front of you. He then crossed one leg over the other, tapping the knife against his chin as his eyes meticulously swept over your form. He didn’t utter a word, and you wondered if he was contemplating how he wanted to mark you, how he wanted your sin to stand out on your skin for everyone to see. Reaching across the distance separating you, he grabbed the bottom of your chair and yanked you forward, the action so sudden that you let out a short gasp as your knees knocked against his.

“There. That’s better, isn’t it?”

“Sure, I love being uncomfortably close to the enemy.”

“Enemy? I thought we were closer than that, Deputy,” John said, his free hand moving to grip your thigh.

“I don’t know. You’re not even my favorite sibling, really.”

He hummed, knife tapping against your other leg as his mouth formed a tight-lipped smile. “Who is then?”

Letting out a huff, you rolled your neck and let your head hand to the side, pursing your lips in thought. “Well, Faith is nice. And Jacob is kinda cute-” You felt his grip on your thigh tighten, and you shifted your gaze to him with a smirk. “Does that upset you?”

“What? That I’m not your favorite?”

“No, that I said Jacob was cute.”

John scoffed, letting the blade press a little harder into your leg until there was a hole in your jeans, but he stopped before it could cut you any. “Why would I give a shit about you whoring around with my brother?”

“I don’t know.” Your eyes narrowed, almost analyzing him as you watched the muscles in his jaw twitch and his fingers slightly flex around the knife. “But you do.”

Rolling his eyes, John stood from his chair and walked back over to the wooden table, leaning his hands against it, and you could see the muscles in his back shift as he decided to forgo his usual vest today. You knew he was upset. That you had wormed your way under his skin, but he hadn’t broken yet. Not like you wanted him to.

“You know, I’m not planning to go and fuck Jacob.” He glanced at you over his shoulder, and you smiled. “If I was gonna whore around with anyone, it would definitely be Joseph.”

He whirled around so fast your eyes could barely track him. Kicking the empty chair to the other side of the room, you heard it crash against the wall as his hand tightly gripped your jaw and forced your head up to look at him, rage swirling behind his blue eyes.

“Is that your sin, Deputy? Lust?”

“Maybe. But I know yours. Is envy already written on you, John? Or do we need to find an empty space to carve it into?”

A shuddered breath rolled through him, fingers digging into your cheeks painfully before he let out a humorless chuckle and let you go. You watched his movements closely as he took a step back and ran a hand through his hair, but then he muttered your name, and your heart stopped as your eyes widened. The sick bastard smiled when he noticed, and he said it over, and over, and over, until he was placing his hands against the armrests of your chair and leaning forward to get in your face, letting the syllables of your name roll over his tongue one last time.

“Oh. I will have fun tearing you apart, Deputy.”

[god1ngs]

━‎ release

synopsis; a visit to the prison doesn't go as you planned

contains; manipulation, implied character death, major violence, swearing, power trip, bunny as a petname

c!dream / reader, 1.3k wc

note; this is for @cr0wbonezz-wr1ting-inc 's 600 writing contest! congratulations & i hope you like this :)

masterlist

   this would be your last time. your last time standing outside this wretched obsidian building, with the smell of death lingering inside. the promise of corruption haunted the atmosphere, one you cringed at whenever you walked inside. this would be your last time visiting dream.

   your last time ever seeing him again.

   coming back to the prison every week had taken a mental toll on you, causing your figure to slump more. your sobs after each visit to the prison didn't get easier nor did it get better. the prison, a symbol of a man who had once caused more evil than good, plagued you. you could see it.

   you could see how it had been affecting you, dream and the prison had. both of them had caused damage to you, however dream won that twisted race. your fists clenched, staring the building in the face. "why are you scared of me?" it whispered, taking pleasure in the shiver crawling up your spine.

   "no way in hell am i scared of you."

   it was always cold in the prison, you noticed. perhaps it was the promise of once forgotten memories, and once forgotten people as well. it reeked of death, death of a once good man who let power corrupt him.

   it was always depressing to be in the main room of the prison, a wave of unknown feeling washing over you ─ a sadness you couldn't quite describe. a pit in your stomach deepened at the call of your name by the warden, the queasy feeling of nausea guiding you towards him.

   "you're here to visit dream, correct?"

   "yes, sir, i am."

   the routine you had done several times in the past had become daunting now, a task seemingly hard to complete with each of your visits. you put your possesions in the first locker room, the memory of the first time you were forced to do this making you sigh. you nearly choked up on yout resolve, running out of the prison with a deafening sob.

   your feet only followed the same mantra every other time though, following the warden as if your body was programmed to. it didn't listen to your commands anymore, only the one of the prison; of dream. the process was the same old by now, reciting the instructions you would be given.

   by now, when the warden pulled out his sword, you knew to only close your eyes and clench your teeth. there was little to expect with this visit, only expecting what would happen each time: you'd visit dream, talk to him for half an hour, only to go back home with yourself. you hadn't noticed the difference between this visit and every other.

   one would soon come up.

   the lava highlighted your features, the bright liquid making you shudder. it wasn't new, yet it had felt like you were coming face to face with it for the first time again. however, instead of fleeing as you would usually do, your feet only stayed in place. and soon moved with the platform, towards the stranded room in the middle of the ocean of lava.

   dream stood there, calculated green eyes watching your every moment. the same amusement as when he was out danced in them, rejoicing with the pleasure manipulative tendencies brought him. you swallowed harshly, and with that, the platform was brought back towards sam and the gate was opened.

   the lava cascaded down, the image of sam becoming a memory now. it was only you and dream, along with the taunting voices bouncing off the walls. voices wishing for your demise, however you knew better than to give it to them. you stood there, unwavering. dream only smirked.

   "come to visit me again, bunny?"

   that horrible pet name. it was used in a way that made your stomach turn and your thoughts twist into raging ones. you shuddered, a reaction you could feel dream enjoying. before he was boxed in the prison, he would often talk about how you and him were like wolf and bunny; predator and prey, similarly.

   it was the excuse he would use whenever he would scare you, laughing as he told you: "you're just my prey, bunny, and i'm the wolf on its way to hunt you." they replayed in your mind, a sick reading of the same syllables that made you choke on your words. you couldn't focus on the past right now though, not when he was right in front of you.

   "it's my last time." you spoke, breaking the violent silence. your unwavering force you promised to be was getting harder to keep up, especially when he stared at you like that ─ eyes wide, yet filled with manic thoughts instead of surprise. you flinched when he stood up from his place in the corner.

   he stared at you for a few minutes, before throwing his head back in a series of chuckles. your thoughts went into overdrive, confused and fearful shouts in your mind mixing. "last time? really? you're going to leave me?" there was no hint of desperation in his words, only unfiltered anger being masked by something else.

   he strided up to you, head tilted and frame towering over you. he held the same air of death as the prison. you scrunched your nose and took a step back, yet he only followed until you had been pressed against the wall. he didn't touch you, but his stare was enough to hold your shaking form in place.

   being strong was hard when the one person to break through your defenses was standing right in front of you. he broke down the walls gaurding your feelings and left them broken and unchecked. "you're not allowed to. not coming to visit me, are you crazy?" he told you, the force in his words making you gulp.

   you almost apologized, his old manipulation tactics flashing in your mind. you couldn't let him get the best of you; not right now, and not ever again. your brows furrowed and your teeth clenched, pushing the masked man away from you. "don't try to tell me what to do! i'm never coming back, and you can't change that!" you shouted at him.

   you had never shouted at him before. it was always good and obedient [name], following his orders with little to no complaints. you didn't want to be his doll anymore, you didn't want him to take everything from you only to never give it back. you were tired of being pushed around with no credit being given to you.

   your rage had carried through your words, a force not even dream knew you had. but with every word you spat at him, his vision got tinted with red. a ferocity like no other had shown on his expressions, yet you couldn't tell underneath all the rage you were experiencing as well.

   his fist clashing with your throat had stopped your ranting, effectively making you be quiet. you gasped for air in front of you, the harsh awakening making you fall to your knees in front of him. you held your throat in your hands, and with the time you had managed to get oxygen back in your lungs, he had kicked you in the ribs.

   "stop fucking yelling. cut it out! you're not stronger than me, you're not better than me; you're weak! you're just a plaything for me to use when i get bored!"

   the words cut deeper into you than you had realized, sobs racking your body at the harsh truth. he had stopped attacking you for now, but his words cut deeper than daggers. your eyes fluttered close, and by the time you opened them again, dream was crouching in front of you. the smile on his mask mocked you.

   "if people don't know their place," be continued, voice low with rage. "they don't get a place at all." with that, his fist drove into you again. left and right, he punched you. left and right, you took the beatings with slurred pleads of mercy. none was granted and, by the time he had taken a break, you were still begging and pleading for your life.

   "please, dream, we can talk about this!"

   "there's nothing left to say."

   the lingering smell of death inside the prison got stronger.

[eshadotwav]

My space to just be and be amongst like-minded individuals. Tumblr was my go to years ago when I called myself a new era hippie. There was so much inspiration. Now I'm here soley as a spirit to help others, inspire and live life.

I'm a psychic and have been a reader since 2011. It started when I would pray to my Orisha shrines my Mom gave me. I would get messages from them, or what I thought were messages and things would come to pass. Then an ex-God sister of mine came up to me randomly one day and handed me a worn out deck of tarot cards! Without saying anything. She was an Aries. Brave, because she didn't stop knowing my Mom might say no since tarot cards arent apart of Ifa (shaman nonetheless). I was so excited but skeptical. I asked it basic questions and was surprised at how accurate it was until I asked more and more questions and thought, ok they're real. Lmao. I then used a tarot phone app from time to time and merged over to Facade.com/tarot. I used the voodoo deck mostly. I love love love Facade.com and recommend them to any new comer that isn't ready to show their face in a spiritual store and buy a deck or doesn't have the money but still wants to delve in.

After years of teaching myself the cards by memory through reading after reading, question after question answered. Struggling with bi-polar and schizophrenia (yes I hear voices! Spirits! Duh!) going in and out of the hospital taking this med and that. I practiced readings on others and realized that my gift got stronger. My spirit guides are always with me and I can talk to them at any time. I have them here with me (ancestors included) to protect me, watch over me and give clarity to those I give readings to and converse with. The same tactics I would use when I was sick to experiment and talk with spirits that got me the wrong answers about my life are the same tactics I use to give what end up being accurate readings now.

Research sacred illness. It's a shaman term for an illness that ends up making you grow more than had you not had the illness. BiPolar is just a swing of moods from elated to depressed. Being schizophrenic is simply hearing voice and everything that comes with that. However according to shamans, individuals with this diagnosis are said to be gifted and a soon to be shaman of their own tribe.

So welcome to those suffering from mental illnesses. I'm here for you and I feel your energy stronger than anyone else. Normal people, from one wounded healer to another, I honor your presence. If you ever need a reading or someone to talk to you can go to my page here. (My reviews are on my FB page link at that site). No I'm not here to just take your money. it's not about the money for me but if I got paid to read I wouldn't have to do other things to make money, I could read. I'm an independent contractor so I make my own hours. Plus it's an exchange of energy. I'm tapping into the spirit realms when I read asking for answers from them. If they know that I'm being help with some type of exchange for helping another they would be more content. However I do give free readings!

Right now I'm offering 1 free question in exchange (get it?) for a review to celebrate the re-grand opening of offering readings for a fee. Again, reach out to me here if you would like a free question. There you can also again see my reviews. Overall though I will be giving readings (daily, pick a card, weekly) thoughts on here, music I'm listening to, reviews, pictures, etc. if you're still reading you should follow! I follow back! I think that's enough typing for now.

FREE & PAID READINGS

For my paid readings & reviews visit this website. (Reviews are on my FB.)

To get a free question answered (must be at least 18) message me on here. This is in exchange for a review on here or FB.

PEACE & LOVE.

[captainkurosolaire]

Prompt #24 ~ Forgiveness

Reference - ♫Not Over Yet♫

The ability of confrontation had resolved inside a pirate's walk. His first destination appointed him to the Far East. His stature and posture resumed on purpose; as if knowing everything required to be done. Determined to turn back his clock. He couldn't reverse the scars or damage etched to the past. But you can relieve the pressure of them. Exorcising them like the ghost they are. A chime-bell rang as an eastern sliding door came, presenting itself before an old-worn Kugane ramen store. He was given a bow and customarily a happy greeting to the House of the Raising Sun. He spoke to code, "I come from far. I think I'd like wisdom, n' one form." Adjusted morning-red sunglasses of the worker came. Almost a sizing up-gaze, suspicious. Then that wayward wanderer drew his index at the point of a bowl of fortune cookies. A particular and odd purchase. This place was a front in the underworld. Mysteriously tethered to a web-line of dangerous individuals. By the scrawny worker, none would ever assume much. An exchange was made from what the client wanted with a marble. The Seeker took his departure cracking open his cookie and reading the slip. 'Happiness is not a pleasure, it's a victory' This was all by purpose standardized. Once the ramen shop cleared out the last customers. The business worker took to the back of his shop. A Magpie awaited perched near a window giving that messenger the marble from earlier and sending it fluttering off. There was a process of demanding a conference with those who thrive in shadows. The pirate ate up and headed to the next location. Heading before a hidden bay of Shirogane in the residences before torches of shore were lit. Breeze flashes through before that wind suddenly felt an feather push of unnaturally distortion against his tail-hairs. A quick cloaked dagger in the dark came hurling forth at the pirate who was centered and faced away. Who blocked barely unscathed with plated wrist-guards.

Out of the trail came a soft-padded step. Disbelief, arm's crossed into a kimono. "Son." Came at the scoundrel. Who, shockingly, was alive. "Nice greeting' ol'man. Gotten a bit sluggish... How b' that arm?" He gave a cheeky-grin, turning to face another. A reunion of fatherhood and child brought to life. The older, more senior man's left arm came out prosthetically augmented. Taken by his own child in an old battle beyond mind. There was a bit of tension, but Father's blindfolded visage loosened, he felt unconditional, his heart restored, believing his own boy perished. It nearly worried him into an early-grave. This was a meeting of revelations waiting to explode. Although the father's eyesight was obscured. He could detect and use his scents to identify his son had grown in the respite of silence. He lived off existence, even outside where phantoms go. "Listen, I'm make this quick. I need ye... pops. You'll b' thrilled t' know ye've got yourself a granddaughter, not that ye haven't before but there's one n' my stead who found me, dare I say she may outdo you. I feel my methods of training would be obsolete. However, under yer tutor. She can waver closer t' my orbit, safer... When I dawn to storm's above skies. --- I want you to meet her." That already was a bombshell that continued by his resurrected son. And although haste surfaced in the boy's inflection, that still showed, he didn't like to share these touchy moments. Especially with the geezer who bastardized him. Left him abandoned and fending to cruelty, there was also less disdain, of that. He was offering back his Father's presence to his inner world. They couldn't outright sew or be fixtures of what happened. But, he gave his Father a reason to make his retired sword-hand raise; alongside give him a future to uphold; breath into lungs. "N' lastly. I need yer expertise. Th' illustrious darkest shadow ye once resided as. The man who brought resistance and forged peace in where no light goes... I'm going t' assassinate, some assassins." A crazed declaration said nonchalantly. His Father exhibited stun. This wasn't the same boy with a sick heart, or the same renegade attitude of a pupil he trained incognito. "You just came back alive... Before me. Yet you wish to wander so dangerously close to death again? Why do you pressurize yourself so much? This world doesn't need you to prove anything." His father imparted with concern, hints of humbleness, more clarity. He blamed this recklessness and attitude on himself, for being incapable of removing himself from prior commitment and engagement sooner. Finding peace, only until now, when nearly too late, at least it felt-like. Yet alarmingly this aura of willpower, sheer command blazed. "I had t' relinquish a lot of my, findings, plunders t' contractors, to not only keep myself alive, but my Crew... What they don't know is, I've ways t' track where they went with my belongings. Rule number one ov' the seas, if ye leave a pirate alive and take his belongings, they'll come with their greed, all t' back. They'll haunt themselves, into ghostly projections, t' devour n' haunt their own. However, th' people I hired for espionage, all faded and failed. I can't get a read how many there are, or if there's just the two, that i was confronted. I don't go into enemy bases, especially one's n' this skill-regard, aimlessly. Although you, have specialty. When comes t' stealth, you're still far better. I'm more of a break yer door down, and set off fuses, and light th' place up, I leave people with recognition, t' know my presence. Knows I'm horribly outmatched, if I don't get the first-advantage against these foes." Was his son actually considering a tactical approach... Even using reason and coming from a more intelligible, before would abandon his life and go-at things alone. This difference was drastic from the impatient and hot-headed pupil before. Whatever events cultivated these ironwork changes. The elderly and Father felt a catastrophic relief. "I will help you son." This moment was uncomfortable but so was this

itchiness of his wardrobe. Being all exposed like this was still a process, undergoing the pirate. He cared not to give exposure to this.

"Meet me again in a Sennight on these same shores, I'll come t' pick ye up. N' old man... This isn't some mission where I want you t' go n' die into silence. You'll track the hideout and leave, and then, afterwards, you've got someone to live for eagerly; if not me." Ruffian youth in pirate gave a little shoulder nudge to his guardian as he walked onto splitting from their ways. The Shadow Father of Echo Past muttered, "It was... good... to see you too." He recognized really what was expressly told through actions, beyond formed words, they were translating signals in silence too.

[hot-wiings]

The One Where Dabi Gets Involved With Overhaul’s Girl. Part Fifteen.

Edited: 1-29-2021

You walked with Kai down to the infirmary. It was a pristine and clean place. It was attached to the Shie Hassaikai but felt like a separate building on its own. Once you opened the door, it took you down a long hall. Several doors led to a hospital-like room. The ones on the left were room with beds for the injured, the ones on the right held chairs you sat in for checkups, and held several different types of equipment used for checking your vitals and various things like running bloodwork.

Kai opened one of the doors on the left and let you go in before him. He followed after you and closed the door behind him, if you both were infected it was good to keep it confined. 

"Take a seat. I'll check my blood, then I'll check yours."

You stepped up on your tiptoes and wiggled yourself up on the patient's chair. It was tall and your feet dangled before you turned your body so your back was slightly reclined and your legs were up on the end of it. Kai sat on a rolling chair that you would typically see in a doctor's office and rolled over to the drawers that held various blood drawing equipment.

Kai rolled his sleeves up before he washed his hands thoroughly and pulled a clean pair of medical gloves on himself. He took a long piece of elastic material and tied it around his upper arm, making a tourniquet. He opened up an alcohol wipe and wiped down the area where his upper and lower arm connect. He pressed his finger down on the skin, looking for a good spot to poke a vein before he swiftly punctured his skin.

He did it so fast and swift, without a moment of hesitation. Kai was in his element when he was doing medical procedures. You had to wonder for a moment if he had been placed in a better environment, somewhere better than the yakuza, would he have gone on to be a doctor, rather than dabbling in drugs and experimenting on Eri. With a quirk like his, he could have easily cut and removed tumors. He had so much potential, but it was all wasted on the life of a criminal. 

You watched as the tube inside the syringe attached to the needle filled up with Kai's dark red blood until he untied the tourniquet and pulled the needle out, along with a now filled tube of his fresh blood. He pulled the tube out of the syringe and put a lid on it before rolling over to the biowaste can and throwing the used needle and syringe inside. He rolled over to the counter and pushed the vial into a machine attached to the computer. It sucked the vial in the machine and unscrewed the lid before taking the blood in and testing it. 

"This machine takes the blood and tests it for anything and everything out of the ordinary. It takes a few minutes for it to read the blood, then it displays it on the computer." 

Kai crossed his arms as he stared at the computer, patiently waiting for the results to flood on the screen. You sat there, quietly as possible with your hands folded on your lap before Kai turned to you. He looked like he was hesitant to open his mouth, but he opened it anyway. 

"Do you want to know where I was the last two weeks?" 

"If it has to do with Eri, I don't want to hear it."

Your tone came out fast and hard, you bit your lip as soon as your mouth closed. You needed to control your tongue. You were supposed to convince him you loved him, not make him angry. Love him, don't agitate him. You weren't sure what he was thinking, what he was feeling. He had an undecipherable expression on his face, still, you tried to deescalate it. 

"I love you, but she's my sister."

"I wasn't away on business. I wanted time away from you, time to think to myself. Time to think about us."

The computer behind Kai chimed, he swiveled around in his chair and rolled over to the computer which now held his blood result transcripts. Your chest bubbled at the sight of him going through his test. It bubbled both with nervousness and a tickled feeling. Seeing him like that, in such a setting brought back those feelings from earlier. He could've ended up so different, had he not been dragged into a life of criminality. 

Your grandfather saved Kai, he took him in when no one else would. He fed him and housed him, he had to join the yakuza as a result. You partially couldn't help but resent your grandfather for that. He could've pushed Kai to be something better. He could've pushed Kai to use his quirk for something better, he would've excelled as a doctor. Maybe you would've finished your psychology degree, and maybe you would've met like that in a different setting. You would've had a better, more normal relationship. 

Yet there was no use thinking about this. It wasn't Kai. It wasn't who he chose to be, nor would he ever be that. He was Overhaul, the leader of the yakuza. You shouldn't dwell on it, not when you'd already chosen to betray him by sneaking around with Dabi.

Kai's words also left you with a bubbling nervous feeling. What did he need to think about? What was there to think about pertaining to your relationship? You watched him with careful eyes, analyzing his every move as you tried to say something. Was he sick of your disobedience? You'd given him a hassle as of late before he took off. Between sneaking off to see Eri then taking the blame for Dabi's action, and overall just giving him lip, you were sure he'd finally gotten fed up. You took in a shaky breath and silently prayed he wasn't going to do anything sudden and drastic to you or Eri. You weren't sure whether he would hurt her to get to you, she was his precious merchandise, but she was still your sister.

"Why'd you need to think about us?"

"It's not important."

You wanted to huff and cross your arms, but that would just be showing Kai what a defiant attitude you held when it came to him. You tried to calm your breathing as you watched Kai read his transcripts. His body was tensed up, worried he was infectious with some disease, and anxious to see his results. Perhaps the reason he hadn't divulged you in a conversation was that his mind was preoccupied with his test results. He got so overworked with things in this manner, of course, he didn't want to indulge you with a conversation. 

You shouldn't work yourself up over something you don't know the truth about. For all you knew, it was something stupid and minor. For all you knew, this was another attempt at making you submit yourself over to him. Another manipulative tactic that he had hidden up his sleeve. 

"I'm clean. There's nothing in my blood."

"Good."

"Even though I'm clean I still want you to get tested."

Kai pulled out more syringes, tubes, and needles from the same drawer. He neatly set them on a tray, then he pulled out a tourniquet and a clean pair of gloves. He rolled the tray over to the patient chair you were sat in then he pulled the clean gloves down on his hands swiftly, a sharp sound resounding in the room as it snapped against his wrist.

"Put your arm out for me."

You put your arm out immediately to show your obedience to him, but your other hand was grasping a tight hold onto as much excess material from your pant leg as you could. You watched cautiously as Kai rolled up your arm sleeve and then proceed to rip open an alcohol wipe. He grabbed onto your arm and lightly pulled it open further, giving him better access to your arms midsection. He wiped your arm, rubbing the wipe in a meticulous motion, careful not to go over a spot he already wiped. He was gentle and careful, he did it in such a manner he hadn't treated you with in such a long time. 

Kai took the wipe and discarded it in a small metal bowl on the table, then he proceeded to grab the needles and syringes. He pulled them all out of their packaging before attaching the correct pieces together, then he gripped your arm and carefully, yet firmly pressed his finger down in various spots, looking for the right vein. Once he located it he pressed the tip of the needle to it. 

You felt your heart stop beating as the needles cold metal made light contact with your skin, but it was barely a graze. It wasn't even in yet, you felt stupid really. Kai had inflicted such pain, yet you were afraid of a tiny one-inch needle.

"This is going to pinch you, alright?"

You gave Kai a little nod. It was almost like he noticed your fear and uncomfortablility. He never cared before, and he wouldn't have hesitated just to push it in without giving you a forewarning. You were truly grateful. You closed your eyes as the needle went in and a sharp pinching feeling went through your skin like Kai had said. You kept your eyes closed as you waited for the tubes to fill up. You didn't open your eyes again until you felt Kai pressing a bandaid against your skin tenderly. 

"All done."

Kai took the blood vials and walked them over to the machine. He took his out and replaced them with yours, then he walked his blood over to the biowaste can as the machine sucked your blood vials in and began to run the blood test. You looked down at the bandaid as you waited for your blood results. It was pink. You didn't know they made pink band-aids, let alone that the Shie Hassaikai would buy them. 

"I bought them for Eri. Figured if she's going to be littered in bandages, she might as well have kid ones." 

Noticing your prolonged stare at the bandage, Kai answered the question you didn't ask. You didn't want to smile for him, at least not genuinely, but the words elicited a small but undeniable smile from your face. You worried about what kind of treatment she received. You knew he was experimenting on her, but you worried— more so not being able to see her—that her quality of life wasn't good. Knowing that Kai was taking care of her, even going as far as getting her girly kid bandages, made you feel more at ease. 

"Thank you. She likes pink." 

He walked over to you and leaned against the chair as he stared at the computer screen. You supposed he was really anxious to see your results, whether he actually cared and valued your life, or was concerned with you infecting everyone else was unknown. You liked to believe he actually valued your life, or else keeping you captive here was for naught. Experimenting on Eri would be for naught. After all, he claimed he was doing this for you. 

"I've been thinking about that night a lot. I want you to genuinely love me, coaxing you into it at such an extremity wasn't how I should've gone about it."

The computer chimed, signifying your blood results were done. Kai sat back down in the wheelchair and rolled over to look at your test results. You were glad for the distraction from your conversation. He was referring to that night he took his need for you to love him one step further. The night he coaxed you into being his 'good girl'. He seemed like he was regretting it and he was being gentle with you, but you weren't ready to forgive him, and you weren't sure you would ever forgive him. 

You stared at the back of Kai's head as he silently read your test results. Maybe if he hadn't been experimenting on your sister, you might consider forgiving him. Maybe if he hadn't already previously hurt you, you would consider forgiving him. But you just couldn't. He hurt you too much, you couldn't possibly consider forgiving him. You would just have to fake it. Fake forgiveness, fake your love until Dabi could get you out. 

"Odd."

"What? Is there something wrong with my blood?"

You had thought that your blood would've been perfectly normal and healthy. It wasn't like you had been going anywhere outside, of course someone in the Shie Hassaikai could've given you something. If Kai thought there was something odd with your results, then you should be worried. 

"Your blood volume is thicker than average for females your age and size. Your platelets are low, and your white blood cells are high. I'm going to have the machine run a deeper search on your blood." 

"Is it bad if my white blood cells are high and platelets are low?"

Kai turned around to look at you. He let out a light chuckle as he ran a hand through his hair, he was trying to remain calm, but you could hear the stress behind the chuckle. 

"Yes, in some cases it's dangerous. There shouldn't be so many white blood cells considering you haven't been injured as of recent and platelets are responsible for your blood clotting. In other words, take away your platelets then get cut and you'll bleed out."

The computer chimed again and Kai swiveled back around to check the deeper results. You anxiously waited for him to read the results, he was starting to get you worked up and you began to think the worst. Finally, he stood up and walked over to you with a tight smile on his face. 

"You're completely fine and healthy. I checked your hematocrit and HCG levels, you're just pregnant" 

"Pregnant."

You say the words in disbelief. You couldn't be pregnant. You couldn't be. You were too young, and you slept with Kai once. But then there was Dabi. Your stomach quaked at the realization that you had been not so careful with either of your partners. You had been so picky with your eating, overly hungry at times, peckish at others. Horny one minute, sad the next. This wasn't ideal. You were trying to escape this place, not up your security. 

"Yes. Your platelets go down during pregnancy, and your blood volume rises to create better blood flow to your uterus for your child."

Kai took his gloves off and placed his hand on your stomach gently. He looked genuinely happy. Of course, he was. He claimed to love you, and he just said he wanted you to genuinely love him. What else would tie you to him even more besides a child. What else would make you his more than bearing his children? 

"I'm with child."

You say the words again but in different phrasing. You were still in a slight shock. A baby was growing inside you. In the coming months, your stomach would begin to protrude, making space for an infant. You would be achy, you would hormonal and hungry all the time. 

"You're with child. You've got a baby growing in there. Our baby."

[theclockworkmonk]

Another Way

Read on AO3

Summary: With Aang desperate for a way to stop the Fire Lord without taking his life, Zuko suddenly remembers what Katara did to the commander of the Southern Raiders.

******

"Aang, we do understand," said Katara, as patiently as she could, "It's just—"

"—Just what, Katara? What!?"

"We're trying to help!" she was yelling now.

"Then one of you figure out a way for me to beat the Firelord without taking his life!" Aang spat back, his voice choking with emotion, "I'd love to hear it!"

He turned away and stormed off out of the courtyard back into the house.

"Aang, don't walk away from this!" Katara called after him. She made to follow him, but felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Let him go," said Zuko, "He needs time to sort it out by himself."

Every instinct in her told her to never let Aang deal with something on his own as long as she could help him, but she had to admit that Zuko might be right, and she could just make things worse.

"I guess there really isn't much more to say anyway," she muttered reluctantly and sat back down on the stone steps. "I certainly don't know how to talk Aang into being a killer."

"None of us do," said Sokka sternly, "and none of us will. The only thing that will convince Aang is time. As we get closer to the comet, he'll have to eventually face the fact that there's no way out of this."

"I just don't know what this will do to him," Katara said miserably, hugging her knees to her chest, "I've never seen him this helpless, even when we lost Appa. He just feels so trapped, he wants another way and I feel trapped since I can't give him one."

Zuko's usual moody frown was replaced with his eyes widening in realization. He snapped his fingers and pointed at Katara.

"Hey! Maybe that's it!" he said, excited now, "We can't give him another way, but maybe you can, Katara."

"What do you mean?" asked Katara, "I certainly don't know how to remove the threat of the most powerful firebender in the world, supercharged by a comet, while also not killing him."

"What about that technique you used against the commander of the Southern Raiders?" Zuko asked.

Fear struck Katara like a hammer and her breath caught in her chest. In a panic, she looked around to discover that the others had indeed heard the worthless idiot, turning toward her with curiosity.

"What technique?" asked Suki.

"Nothing!" Katara said forcefully, but Zuko was looking away from her so he couldn't see the deadly glare she was sending him.

"Come on, Katara, like you said, we're desperate for ideas, and so is Aang," Suki pressed, "It certainly won't hurt."

"I suppose a waterbending technique would be ideal to defeat the Fire Lord," mused Sokka thoughtfully.

"Yeah, they say to 'fight fire with fire,' but that always sounded stupid to me," said Toph, picking at her toes, "Makes much more sense to fight fire with water, right?"

"She moved her hands, and the commander's entire body just went limp," said Zuko, "and then it was like she could control his arms and legs."

Katara winced as Suki frowned in confusion, Toph gaped in shock, and Sokka scowled at her in fury.

"YOU BLOODBENDED SOMEONE!?" her brother shouted at her, springing to his feet, "How could you possibly do that again! Have you been doing it this whole time?"

"No, I swear!" said Katara defensively, trying to shrink into the floor, "It was just that one time, I thought he was the one who killed mom."

"I'm sorry, but we seem to keep forgetting that I haven't always been here," said Suki, raising her hand, "What exactly is bloodbending?"

"It's when a waterbender bends the blood in someone's body," Sokka told his girlfriend, "It's turning someone's own body against them and exerting complete control over them." He turned back to stare daggers at Katara. "It's a disgusting perversion of waterbending that only a cruel coward would use!"

"Before the eclipse, we came across this crazy old lady," explained Toph, "She was a waterbender living in hiding in the Fire Nation. She'd abduct people at night, take them prisoner, and control them like puppets."

"Yeah, and she took control of me and tried to make me kill Aang!" shouted Sokka, throwing his hands in the air, "I honestly can't believe this!"

Katara just hung her head and didn't say anything.

Zuko was frowning and looking back and forth between the two of them.

"I'm….sorry, but am I the only one who doesn't get what the big deal is? You've got a way to instantly, non-fatally incapacitate someone. I can think of a hundred scenarios where that would be useful, like, oh I don't know, the one that we're in right now! Sure, it can do terrible things in the wrong hands, but that's true of all bending. Heck, that's true of every sword that's ever been made."

"Not to mention what this could mean for healing," said Suki, "If you can control the blood in someone's body, there's all kinds of injuries and illnesses you could treat with that."

"I'll agree it's a pretty dirty tactic," said Toph, shrugging, "but we don't really have the luxury of fighting 'honorably,' on account of, ya know, the whole world about to burn. I'm pretty sure Aang will feel better after tying the Firelord into a knot than killing him."

Sokka was scowling deeply at all of them. "None of you understand. You weren't there, you didn't have it used on you. You're a prisoner in your own body. Every inch of you is crawling, like there's something inside you, like you're about to explode or get turned inside out." His voice began to break, and he stared at his trembling hand as he slowly opened and closed it.

"When someone does this to you, you stop being a person. You're just….a thing. Just some meat. It's inherently evil, it's nothing like any other kind of bending or weapon. I don't expect any of you to understand.

"But you do!" he rounded on Katara again, "You had that done to you but still did it!"

"Will you back off already!?" Katara finally spat back at him, jumping to her feet to get on his level, "I already said it was one time! I'm never going to do it again!"

"I'm sure the people of the Earth Kingdom will take comfort in the wake of their nation being burned that you and Aang didn't have to corrupt your beliefs," said Zuko dryly, "I kind of expected something like this from him about taking a life, I never would have thought we'd have to worry about this squeamishness from you, about something that doesn't kill! If you can't do it yourself, at least teach Aang how to do it."

"No," said Katara resolutely, crossing her arms and turning away from them, "If I feel sick at the idea of bloodbending again, Aang will be even more against it. He's a better person than me, after all."

Zuko was taken aback by that last part, exchanging an awkward glance with Suki and Sokka, before continuing uneasily. "Um...isn't that Aang's decision? He's being torn in two and I think he'll take any way out of taking a life."

"Yeah!" said Toph, "The Air Nomads strictly considered all life sacred, but I bet they didn't have any rules regarding a form of bending of a different element that didn't exist yet. Loophole!" she cried cheerfully.

"I'm going to go at least suggest it to him, he can make up his own mind," said Zuko. He went to follow Aang into the house.

"NO!" Katara cried, spinning back around. Her unease had given way to outright panic and fear. "No Zuko, please don't say anything to him! The rest of you too, he can never know what I did!"

The rest of them just sat for a moment, surprised by the desperate tone in her voice.

Sokka shuffled his feet and hung his head. "Look Katara….I'm sorry I blew up at you. I don't think you're some heartless witch like Hama or that you're gonna start bloodbending left and right. You know how patient and zen Aang is, I'm sure he wouldn't react the same way."

"Yes, Sokka, I know he wouldn't yell at me," said Katara, "don't patronize me. It's still the worst thing I've ever done, and would rather no one else find out about it if I can help it. If Aang found out what I did, there'd be no going back from that. It would….he'd never look at me the same way again." Her voice caught in her throat and she turned away from them so they couldn't see the tears starting to sting in her eyes.

Aang had been so relieved when he found out that she had decided to spare the man who had killed her mother. He had smiled at her with such pride and affection that it made her heart ache. But also queasy with guilt, because he didn't know just how close she had come, and what she had done on her way there. If he knew just how dark she allowed her thoughts to get sometimes, she was certain that he wouldn't have said those things during the play.

It was part of why she couldn't bring herself to explore her feelings for him. He had such an inflated opinion of her that she felt she didn't deserve. Every time he gave her that look of complete adoration, she felt like she was lying to him.

Sokka carefully walked up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Katara, you know that Aang isn't immune to losing control himself. You saw how crazy he got with the people who took Appa. If he found out, he'd understand. It wouldn't…" he took a deep breath and steeled himself "...it wouldn't change how he feels about you."

Katara's breath hitched and she jerked away from him, spinning to face them all. She could feel her face burning.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" she hissed at him, staring daggers into his eyes.

There was a brief pause, then all four of her friends (including Zuko) burst into raucous laughter. She blushed even harder and wished she was an earthbender, so she could sink into the ground.

"Seriously?" asked Zuko, raising his remaining eyebrow, "We're still doing this?"

"What do you mean, 'seriously?' You just got here," moaned Sokka, "I've been dealing with this since we cracked open that stupid iceberg."

"Hey, at least you don't have to feel their hearts going all a-flutter every time they look at each other," Toph fake-swooned, clutching her chest dramatically.

"Okay, I'm going to be completely honest," said Suki, still laughing, "I actually thought you two were already a thing for weeks after we got back from the Boiling Rock. That's just the energy you guys are giving off." That made the other three laugh even harder.

"Shut up!" yelled Katara. Eventually, the laughter died down when they saw how serious she was.

"We promise not to tell Aang," said Zuko, "You can tell him if and when you're ready."

"But it's probably a good idea to clear the air about it before your wedding day," said Toph.

"Thank you," said Katara, ignoring Toph, "it was a valid idea, Zuko, but in any case, even the woman who invented bloodbending was only able to do it on the full moon. I doubt me or Aang would be able to do it on the day of the comet."

Zuko's smile vanished and he looked at her blankly. "Really? Why didn't you just say that at the start? We could have avoided half this conversation."

"Yeah, I know," she said Katara, angry at herself for getting upset and not thinking.

"It's just as well," sighed Zuko as he sat back down on the steps to the house. "Even if you could disable him, that's just a temporary solution. He's one of the two most powerful firebenders in the world, we'd never be able to contain him forever. And half the Fire Nation worships him, almost literally. As long as the possibility exists for him to reclaim the throne in some glorious Agni Kai, the country will never be free. There's no other way, he has to die."

The laughter from just a few moments ago was long gone, as everyone was reminded of the extremely un-Aang thing that Aang had to do. There was nothing more to be said, everything came down to him.

"If there's another way, he's going to be the one to find it, not us" Katara said quietly, "Aang is the best of us, he'll never stop trying, right until the last moment. But if he doesn't find it, he'll do what's necessary to protect the world."

"To protect you, more like," muttered Sokka under his breath.

Katara rolled her eyes. "Oh, would all of you grow up?" and she stormed into the house, leaving her friends snickering behind her.

******

In 2008, we all watched Aang yell at his friends that he needed a way to defeat Ozai without killing him, and I shouted, out loud in my living room, "just bloodbend him!"

This story is a result of that knocking around in my head for 12 years.

[bluealmondpie]

oihina is life and no one can change my mind

i am. not over oihina (;-;) it's too much time to october when the rest of s4 comes out and it will b forever before we get to see oikawa again so (;-;) imma watch the movies and then the stage plays again and maybe re read the whole manga/light novels/spinoffs. MY HEART

but anyway here's some extras to tide us thru (this is a revision from an earlier post i deleted cos i wanna b more canon compliant ♪( ´▽｀) )

hcs part 1

* long, long video calls. oikawa likes watching hinata fall asleep.

* oikawa does NOT like hinata playing with kageyama. cue jealousy. doesn't like it even if it's the karasuno gang meeting up and hinata and kageyama are in the same space >:(

* hinata will pay for it later ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

* hinata knows that oikawa is weak for cute things. hinata uses this to his advantage, acting cute to get his way. ( *｀ω´) oikawa knows this but he can't resist (*´ー｀*)

* hinata sends oikawa lots of msby merch. oikawa only keeps the ones with hinata in them.

* volleyball dates. my gosh these volleyball idiots. but they have lots of fun and it's all just games that don't have consequences

* but hinata is overly concerned about oikawa overworking himself or pushing himself too hard. he worries about oikawa's knee.

* so even when they play volleyball hinata will only wanna play beach volleyball cos it's softer.

* and also bc it's just the two of them (〃ω〃) like it's meant to be. just the two of them in their little volleyball world this is such a soft picture in my head ahhhhhh

* pedro is sick of seeing them make out in the house.

* oikawa likes marking hinata. hickeys everywhere in obvious places.

* and also in semi-obvious places. when hinata jumps and his shirt flies up, are those hickeys on his hip?

* when hinata sits down and the hem of his shorts ride up, are those hickeys on his thigh?

* oikawa lets hinata lead sometimes. he likes the switch.

* vers top oikawa. VERS TOP OIKAWA

* when they are together oikawa will block kageyama's number on hinata's phone.

* tbh everyone in brazil alr knew they were gonna get married from the moment they saw the two interact it was a matter of time

* i mean oikawa was hinata's plus one to heitor's wedding i think this is universally accepted in fandom

* but to me i don't think they were tgt yet during the wedding

* oh but but but if you were there you'd see how oikawa was so so jealous at how hinata just attracts people

* people revolve around hinata like he is the sun which he is kuroo voice yanno, gravitational pull and all that

* he would shoot death stares at anyone who was getting too close ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

* hinata knows.

* hinata knows and is pushing oikawa's buttons. bc he thinks it's cute when oikawa is jealous (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

* hinata will act all innocent but damn. damn that chibi-chan, oikawa thinks. does he know his acting is obvious? is it meant to be obvious? is this a green light? does he know what his stupid winking and eye smiles do to me? when he tilts his head asking if i want more drinks, does he know what effect it has on my heart? when he licks his lips, can he see me staring omg i hope he doesn't know i'm staring this is so uncool what do i do he is so fucking hot gah look he's taking off his tie that is unfair what do u mean it's getting hot in here oi hinata DONT LEAN INTO ME OMG U R TOO CLOSE IS ALL OF THIS ON PURPOSE just tell me to bring u home and fuck u alr

* well fuck all that thinking that hahahahahah oikawa will prob throw caution to the wind when he's sufficiently drunk/tipsy

* and cue the sex

* after that hinata is all like ehehehehehe (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ got u where i wanted u oikawa just sighs yes. yes u did you cute little monster

* and it's a "well i guess we r dating now" situation

* and then the morning after, hinata is up early (oikawa is a late riser whenever he can afford it) and making breakfast and oikawa wakes up to the smell of cooking uwahhhhh i love this picture

* that first selfie is their phone wallpaper you cannot change my mind

* but when you unlock the phone it'll be (oikawa's) a sweet picture of them kissing and (hinata) a selfie of them after a volleyball game, with oikawa all tired in the background but so soft and smiley

* they have racy photos of each other too ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but let's not go too deep into their personal lives

* no one in karasuno believes it. not until oikawa dropped by their gatherings to pass hinata his clothes (left behind after a night of ~fun~) and kissed him on the cheek. Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑) even so, kageyama is in shock. oikawa smirks. he's mine

* the third years are immediately possessive and warn oikawa to not hurt their baby crow ＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／daichi especially

* yachi, kiyoko, yamaguchi, kinoshita and narita are sitting in stunned silence.

* tsukki doesn't care.

* ennoshita is taken aback (he doesn't rlly have an opinion of oikawa to begin with) but snaps back to reality to hold tanaka and nishinoya from jumping on oikawa in rage for stealing the sun away from them

* ukai and takeda sigh and give relationship advice (is it from their own experience huehuehue ( *｀ω´) )

* kageyama still doesn't believe it till this day

* bokuto and oikawa get along. akaashi and iwaizumi regret letting them meet. (smol akaashi/iwaizumi interaction here) sakusa avoids them when they are together. the chaotic energy of bokuhinaoi is too much for him. if we add atsumu... who knows where things will go. they are volatile substances.

* and even outside of training iwaizumi dotes on hinata omg. like a true mother in law. will buy him food. will ruffle his hair. will nag at hinata to not eat so fast and chew properly and have some manners but also aggressive care tactics. will send oikawa pics of hinata being cute while they were in separate countries training for olympics and oikawa is so pissed and jealous he literally can't wait to go and kick everyone's butts. i cant deal with how cute this picture is (now i wanna write seijoh!hinata aghhh)

* they do sit down to watch replays of each other's games and analyse their own plays. it's serious talk. volleyball idiots

* they rewatch their olympic match tgt, since they were both there

* oikawa will complain the whole way about being better than kageyama and how he can do better than kageyama (a wild ushijima appears! "u should have stayed in japan") but really oikawa's just saying all of that cos he's jealous and doesn't like it when other people set to hinata.

*******

ah. my life is consumed by oihina. there is no end. i want write atsuhina angst with oihina endgame

requests are open! send me an ask~ rules are pinned

masterlist

[spineofdeathwing]

Howdy! Seeing as I am no longer part of the SLP community, and how I've been seeing all of the hate going on for Jontont Frost over Wyrmguard Secrets, and the fact that they seem to celebrate my departure from the SLP server by stating "finally the evil beast is gone." as someone showed me via twitter

Let me inform you: the evil beast is not gone. Why? Because Jontont Frost is STILL there.

He and I had a lot of problems. What had initially began as a friendship turned into a nightmare for me. A nightmare I sat quiet on for a very long time. Even with alllll the shit that got posted about me being a bully, etc.

There were many times that I wanted to say something publicly, and in quiet there are a few who know the full story, but I stopped myself because I worried how it would hurt friends, but now it's kind of like... Not having said something has damaged so many things so much more than it would have if I had just said something to begin with.

Hi. I'm the person who played Finnegan Quill. I, to my knowledge, don't have a lot of trouble with people on Moon Guard, except for a few. Jontont is one of those few.

The guy has so many issues, and this is coming from someone with a lot of issues themselves, that it was extremely difficult to deal with them. Prior to things getting too bad, this is how things progressed:

We became friends through RP, I started talking to them more oocly. They seemed super chill, no problem, but as time went on, I found out what kind of person they are. They constantly put themselves down and would get very self deprecating, and me, I am a sensitive person, and my heart bleeds for this sort of thing, so I did my best to tell him he wasn't all the things he called himself, that he could make friends if he just put himself out there. That everything would be fine if he just stuck to his character and separated himself from it, that he wouldn't need to worry about things if he didn't take what happened in character personally.

I wasn't the only person who had to/has to deal with him. I won't name names, but I'm hoping they manage to get away from him sooner than later. Jontont Frost uses emotionally manipulative tactics to draw people in. He stalked me in game despite the fact that I had him on ignore. He still felt the need to put his nose in everything.

I made the heinous mistake of erping with him when he was still in an ic relationship with Elrodore Tate. Yeah, Finnegan went there, and I really wish he hadn't, because that put me in a spot to where Jontont wanted to know everything I was doing. Every single minute of the day. When I told him I needed a break, what did he do? He started to insult himself, call himself useless, friendless, a whole lot of other things, to which I came back to tell him "hey, don't talk about yourself like that. You'll be fine. Just be your best self" etc. Eventually I realized this was a tactic to keep me there, and hell did it get exhausting.

I've got a lot of problems. 100% no doubt. So I didn't need his problems too, but I still tried to be kind. So things still continued, and I grew exhausted again, and again told him I needed a break, but again with the self deprecation he came, and then when he did say "ok, I'll leave you alone for now." He would come back like 5 minutes later pretending nothing had ever even happened.

His stalking, cause that is what it was, grew so bad that even after I ignored him after I had a one sided talk with him, I went to the SLP mods to get it taken care of, because we were both existing in the same project, we worked out an agreement that we both would ignore each other--- FINALLY, because even though I had him on ignore on both Discord and WoW, that still didn't stop him from turning into a cat and watching me in stealth, but he still can't seem to keep his mouth shut about me, so here I am.

I have an extensive history of his stalking/manipulative/inappropriate behavior on documented file which is what I presented to the project moderators as proof of my issues with him, and I'd share it happily, but if I did that, I'd end up dragging other people into things who I don't particularly care to drag through the mud, dm me if you want, though I don't see this going anywhere. I can already feel the goblins on my back for this.

Fuck you, Jontont Frost, and your little Tobias too.

They're both horrible people, I hope others come to realize this sooner rather than later.

Jontont's behavior was gross and traumatic. Every time I seen a white Worgen or the bear form he uses, it made me sick. I couldn't stand to look at them. I was always alarmed when I would be out doing content and someone with the same druid forms would show up alongside me, prompting me to check if it was him, because I felt like I would never get away from him and he would always follow me. If I'm sounding over dramatic, lemme just say, it was THAT BAD.

More to come later.

Spoiler, he decided to tell me about how he masturbated to the ERP we did afterwards, while watching porn. Why did I need to know that? I didn't. He should have kept it to himself. But there he goes crossing IC and OOC again.

There are others who could back things up, but I won't call on them unless they want to come out.

.