#I'm sad and very worried
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Okay I do not know who Sue Zhao is but all of her poetry is absolutely HEART-WRENCHING and I just wanna see if she's okay. Like do you need a hug?? Do you want to talk about it over some tea and fruit?? I get it man I'm here for you
#poetry#Tiktok poetry slideshows#writing#poetrytok#Sue Zhao#Are you okay though????? Like genuinely???#I'm sad and very worried
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Blood sugar levels (Patreon)
#Doodles#ISaT#Siffrin#And implied Isa and Mira from offscreen but it's fine lol#Kinda sorta spoilers in the tags be warned#Man these poses were fun to draw - hand poses and body and ah <3 Fun!#This was one of those comics that came to me pretty much fully formed and then I had to do it - it was very fun which I'm very glad for!#Probably the funnest were the first - third - and fourth panels :D#The way their cloak falls around them ah pretty <3#That big spooky eye hidden under the brim of their hat <3#That one was really fun to edit too :D Writing [FAILURE] elsewhere on the page and then overlaying it :) Fun!#I wonder if Siffrin would die of starvation faster than normal due to the [redacted]#And since that would kill him it'd make him loop back - even tho it's also somewhat powered by food?#It's curious! I like it :)#I imagine his innate magic also powers it somewhat but hmmm recursive#Not that he died here anyway :) One of those fun ones before Loop spells it out for him :)#I have to wonder if All those loops we don't get to see are mundane hmm ♪ How many of them are forced out of Sif's mind so we as the player#Will just never know ♪ I suppose we'll never know! Haha#The exhaustion of having to keep his body running it's really the depression simulator#Sif :( They're gonna worry about you anyway!#It's amazing what our minds just refuse to process when we're in The Sads™ haha
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Me, fully prepared to be a little ass: If I were a horrible person and killed a bunch of people, would you report me to the police? lol
My older brother: Even if you were a monster, i'd protect you. I wouldn't be able to bring myself to hate or punish you. You turning out that way would be my fault because I should've been a better sibling. In the end, you'll always be my responsibility, and more importantly, my younger brother. I'll always love you.
Me, about to fucking bawl my eyes out: Hey what the fuck
so anyways after careful consideration and recollecting, that's how i came to the devastating realization that my older brother was a yue qingyuan kinnie.
#it was smth like that#sometimes i'm like ''wow are peoples older brothers usually so rodrick-y or asshole-y??'' and i look at my older brother#who gets sad when i don't want him to buy anything for me#also it was things like#'im to blame so don't worry about it ok?' 'it was my fault so dont worry. do you want to eat out?' etc#and i was like ''man this sounds like some yqy dialogue'' and boom#yes he's the eldest#he's like... way older than me lol#anyways i love my big bro sm#hes a very good brother#last week he treated me out to ice cream and ramen#we're about to finish arcane together!!#those rare times when i don't wanna hang out with him he has the energy of a sopping wet puppy that just got kicked#yue qingyuan#svsss
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I uhhh... wanted to post this shot
with a caption like "Omg!! Powerful mother and son we love!" or anywhere along these lines (knowing me and my blog this would all be in caps but shush not the point of this post)
But then I noticed this
THEY BOTH HAVE TEARS IN THEIR EYES (there's the caps I was talking about hi)
WHY
WHY
THE ONLY ANSWER THAT COMES TO MY MIND IS A VERY OBVIOUS ONE THAT I'M NOT EVEN GONNA SAY
#i'm worried about luz#very much#but the problem is#she's the main character#they wouldn't do THAT#......raine tho#PLEASE TELL ME I'M WRONG#PLEASE#PLEASE LET THOSE BE HAPPY TEARS BECAUSE RAINE PROPOSED#NO FURY#NO SAD#JUST GAY LOVE#I BEG#the owl house#toh#toh spoilers#luz noceda#eda clawthorne#eda the owl lady#king clawthorne#raine whispers#this post is not about them in any way right Dana please#toh season 3#watching and dreaming promo#watching and dreaming#toh theory
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walking through lucanis' mind prison. the tam lin of it all
#his mind keeps changing forms and you just have to show him you won't let go of him#it doesn't even really matter what you say to him just that you're consistently there to say it. your voice is a comfort. im in pain#I'm having so many feelings about like... rook can't be here. because of all things in the world rook means 'safe'. what if I exploded#what if I just shattered into a thousand pieces and was swept away by the wind actually#'it's better that I stay here than risk losing you' is such pitch perfect trauma logic. freeze logic specifically#on some level he seems to think he keeps rook safe like. existentially. by staying here#it's heartbreaking child magical thinking that makes me wonder like. has he basically been in a place like this inside#ever since his parents died? before that? the ossuary is just new set dressing the underlying logic is OLD. and very very sad to me#'I keep everyone safe by staying here'#(and then the perfect hilarity of having an actual demon be like 'ROOK. YOU TALK TO HIM HE NEVER LISTENS TO ME'#tfw your inner demon gets worried enough to stage an intervention and get you therapy whether you want it or not lmao)#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#rook x lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#rookanis#rye staying mostly in gentle professional mode for this one b/c this is literally his training#('I may not be batting a hundred at being a person but I DO know how to deal with fade shenanigans! not to worry I've got you')#except in that last part with the illario mind ghost where he roundaboutly admits 'I need you I don't know how to do this without you'#in rye speak that is very big it's like. third base of his soul or something. we do not ask for things for ourselves in this house#(because we already know we will not receive anyway so that sounds both humiliating and ultimately pointless. no thank you!)#and yet. the things we'll admit for love#the feeling that some of the things varric did for rye immediately post-exile rye is paying forward with lucanis now. don't look at me
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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he feels comfortable so he turn big boi
(surprised face)
Girl help, the bots won't stop coming 😭😭
I don't have new things rn so have a few old doodles I haven't posted here
+ 1789 dreamling my beloveds
#dreamling#the sandman#dream of the endless#hob gadling#made thess like 4 months ago lmao#my art#don't worry might do something later#eventually....#i really love to draw dreamling is just i'm kinda burned out rn#not sad actually just very tired 🥱.I finished a course this week but I passed it yaay
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Banban goes to heaven and just sits down and cries because he's never been to a place so kind and loving to him unconditionally. It is a perfect world but he does not believe he deserves such compassion from the universe and can't fathom being given good things without also suffering.
And heaven is literally just the candy mountain from Kipper s3 Arnold's Balloon Trip for some reason.
#art#traditional art#marker art#Banban Resort#Garten of Banban#Banban#vent art#can you believe it! a drawing this whimsical to vent!! I'm like actually going thru some shit rn#but thats not rlly for you to be worried about as my audience so#just enjoy the banban drawing ok#I think it's cute! it just makes me incredibly sad to think about#also if you're curious why it's Kipper it's a rlly long story#to keep it short Kipper is very nostalgic for me n every time I remember that episode I cry#plus heaven for banban WOULD be somewhere that is all candy I think
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I get so happy when I see Astral enthusiastic for a duel.
Even if most of his duels are a matter of life and death for him and he can't play them directly, he still enjoys dueling with all his being.
#Astral my beloved#Seeing him enthusiastic in general makes me happy#I care about him so much#and I love how Yuma is the one worried this time#“I'm happy to see you excited but we are in a bad situation right now!”#meanwhile Astral already had a strategy to turn the duel in their favor#I love him very much#and I'm very sad that he never got to do a normal duel in either the anime or manga#he deserves to have fun in a duel without risking his own life#astral zexal#yuma tsukumo#yugioh zexal#astral yugioh#zexal#ygo zexal#yu gi oh zexal#zexal manga
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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day 23 aka THE COUNTDOWN IS OVER - jungsu's past birthday brrrr ppoppos
#xdinary heroes#jungsu#kim jungsu#jun han#junhan#jooyeon#gunil#ode#gaon#han hyeongjun#lee jooyeon#goo gunil#oh seungmin#kwak jiseok#jungsu23#forfreddy#HAPPY BIRTHDAY! may you have a lovely one with many kisses ♥#(ugh i was worried they'd stop this tradition and i would have been so sad about it. but now they HAVE to keep going ♥)#it's time for another concert story. or rather post-concert story.#so i did this photo thingie but when it was over and we walked out....... i completely forgot to look at the guys. i had my head down#(it was all so fast and i was struggling carrying my stuff so i didn't pay attention to .... well paying attention)#but then i walked past jungsu and i could FEEL him looking at me. his look was so intense and i don't mean this in a delulu way#this isn't me claiming we were meant to be. it's about him and he's got this.... presence. this aura. and it's very captivating#and intense (in a good way) and i was SO impressed and i still think about it#and what it was like when the other members met him for the first time (especially shy hyeongjun)#now to my more general impression. i feel like he's very intense overall? like he can probably get really angry and really bitchy#but he also loves intensely. and he loves his bois so much and cares about them so much#and i'm so glad he found a group where it fits so well. where he's one of the oldest and he can take care of the younger ones....#but also there's a leader who isn't an autocrat - who needs support too who doesn't want to carry all the weight on his own#who's willing to share the burden. and jungsu is right there at gunil's side without judging him. he's just very lovely and ♥♥♥ hbd jungsu
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heyo tumblr friendos, what is bringing you joy and respite these days? get into a new show lately? eat a nice food? does anyone have any cute animal pictures to share? what are you all reading? or writing? late stage capitalism is wearing me down. I'm clinging to my vid WIP like it's a buoy lest my anxiety send me into a spiral.
#blogdora#y'all will see me sprinting thru tags fannishly foaming per the usual but it's been such a rollercoaster of not fun times#i'm struggling to keep up with most of the cool things everyone is making and sharing but know i love all the things you're makingggg#i'm very very tired#and sad and scared#and that's not even covering my worries about my friends and politics and everything else. just my corner of frustrations.
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i am absolutely a nicki girl by the way it's just that much like show!lestat my love for him is so pure he doesn't even have to be hot. he can be an ugly crier with a floppy lil wig it only inspires tenderness.
#i'm kind of worried the show will feel the need to minimize him so louis-lestat can shine. it does not! he's the blueprint for all the sad#bitches who came after but it's very clear louis is the one who drove lestat fully out of his mind forever#don't actually love the show's take on romance and monogamy. i feel like it's in conversation with#twilight vampire mormonism and also modern fuck boy culture#the original has nothing to do with either of those things and i think has a very specific take on romantic love and fidelity#that exists on the border of what is love to the dead. like when you strip away the social constructs of the living and reinvent love for#yourself outside of those boundaries what does it look like#and my specialist blorbo is the little black dress of my world and i ship him with everyone#like i'm a lestat was cheating on louis with antoine truther but the special sauce was that he wasn't actually going outside the boundaries#of his relationship with louis he was playing games and daring him to admit he cared enough to be mad about it#like it's the oblique bitchiness of louis being like oh i wish he'd just hurry it up and eat him#that would be kinder#the way antoine does very much offer something to lestat that louis doesn't#and not just like. a dumping ground for his frustrations at home#music! affection! they were FRIENDS#was lestat thinking about eating him the whole time probably but that's not the point#press says iwtv#interview with the vampire#nicolas de lenfent
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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tagged by ko @tofumilanesa for wip wednesday! big shout out to writevember for making me feel like i can actually call any of these works in progress… your guide to my emoji code under the cut
wip!
🪻🐈⬛ - the doc title is still just. YOWLING but i am like 7/8 of the way done with omega yamo fic and hopefully salem isn’t reading this so i can just drop it over a year later with no warning <3
🫃2️⃣ - DEWEY^2 P2!!!! she is almost done (i am lying) but she is so close i can almost taste it. sorry to my pwp that grew its own feelings baby
😇🤭 (🕒 -> 🕜) - rip i’m not telling you about this one until it’s posted but it IS complete aside from being ao3 formatted and the eight billion edits i inevitably do right before full-sending it
☁️💧 - cloud petey fic, which exists mostly as an embarrassingly large tag on a different blog and is condensing into a narrative about as well as water at 30° N/S. the time loop fic also falls under this description
eternally in progress (short list)
🌑🐕 - tyler borzoituzzi exists… there is an index of scenes/plot points… it plays like a movie in my head…
💯❕- fantastic! ‘verse
👁️👻 - stevie brandon seeing ghosts au, which has eight different (now nine i guess but you haven't seen the mustache adam post yet) plots. sorry
just. rotating like a microwave
🍎 - because they didn’t have a pomegranate emoji, this is what i used for the fic that feels like it should be a 50k connor bedard character study hanif abdurraqib/cathal kelly thesis about legends and mythmaking in sports and eating your young. yes i know pomegranates aren’t actually pomes and apples are but it’s fine
🦈 - the one cat da fuck they doing over there meme but about the sharks just like. in general. more on this at five
tagging @colap1nto, @songsandswords, @whitenikes, @gordiemeow, @acheronist, and anybody else who wants to share!!
#i regret to inform the public (beloved mutuals who read my tags) that we have hit the doldrums re: creativity.#got SO excited because i had no prep for tomorrow and got out unreasonably early and proceeded to do nothing 🤩 zero motivation/inspiration#anyway. being a big baby. have looked at dewey^2 for too long and now hate it which makes me sad because i was on SUCH a roll solving plot#and really i just need to pick something else from my (looks at smudged hand) 10000 other documents but none of them are calling my nameeee#maybe i’ll ao3 format 🕒 -> 🕜 or maybe i’ll read wandering stars (did finish a book this morning) and then hope something strikes me#preferably very aggressively like with the force of a train? OHHHHHH YOU GUYS MAYBE I COULD MAKE SOMETHING FOR HOLY JUMPING MACKEREL FEST#because you know what DID hit me upside the head like a 2x world champ coming from behind with the steel chair WAS BERGY & JOE GUESS WHO#joey first of all did not deserve to lose those games and second of all i am SO immensely delighted i don’t know if it’s on here yet i am#so sure at least one of my beloved drw moots (beth and nik are likely culprits but all of u would) has it on here yet BUT THERE’S SO MUCH#BERGY VERY BLATANTLY CALLING JOE A NERD BC HE KNOWS ALL ABT HIS TEAMMATES &LOVES THEM!! BERGY NOT KNOWING A SINGLE FUCKIN THING ABT ANYONE!#the absolute unsurprised yet still heartbroken disbelief & disappointment of joe saying ‘he uses black tape!’ oh that’s rent-free forever#anyway.#liv in the replies#p.s. it's fic friday now don't worry about how late i am#as always ask away ask about anything in post tags y'all know i love to yap u are always welcome in the inbox or dms#i was trying to be slightly less mysterious about all of these but i am a secret-keeper sorry and also you need to live inside my brain#in order to understand half of what i'm referencing sometimes. sorry.#also there are some un-hockey fic projects i want to do but i have. so little time in my life for anything sometimes that we will make do
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jesus christ you can actually see rook's eyes go a little soft as they look at varric at the end of the opening bar scene. that's awful. that's awful for me personally and specifically. a
#rye 'you're my dad! boogie woogie' ingellvar about to be going through it fr fr so bad for a whole game.......#'what did I have to worry about? I had you watching my back didn't I? :)' what if I just. fell over on the spot and collapsed#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#varric tethras#there are a couple of times you can see them check in with him in the background too. I'm very sad#so weird to see the dagger on the ground suddenly without explanation and fully have your brain do the record scratch of 'oh no...'#I am doing my second rye run now. tried to start another character but like. no. my boy. where is my boy. show him to me#so nightmare run with rye time is NOW let's go let's speedrun getting to emotional support corvid bae haha#(also going for 'he/him' more fully this time around I know him now I think that's more right)
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