#I'm pretty sure I had some more ideas
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someone's been liking a lot of my old posts relating to my attempts to rewrite fairy tail.... which, and this may astound you, is not actually a cancelled project in spite of the fact that it's been nearly a decade since i first started trying to figure it out
#fairy tail#fairy tail rewrite#ek3 rewrites ft#i knew it would take a while but. it is taking wayyyyyy longer than i thought#likely in part bc of the hell that is rotating special interests/hyperfixations#tbh i'm actually kinda ok with how long it's taken bc i've had some pretty good ideas since that i wouldn't have when i first started#unfortunately that also means some earlier ideas have been scrapped#oddly i'm actually having more trouble with some of the earlier arcs#the macao and daybreak arcs are still overall the same plot-wise but i'm planning to use them for world-building and character introduction#i've also gotten a bit more comfortable leaning into some of ft's more soap opera-y nonsense#like the constant surprise family stuff#just. hopefully less stupid#also. and i'm sure i've said this before. every character who dies was planned out well in advance#like even now when i'm still in the early stages (*sound of sobbing heard in the distance*) i know who's not making it and who is#probably the hardest part will be dealing with the last few arcs tho bc by that point it'll look pretty freaking different from canon#actually the hardest part will probably be handling the balance between fanfic-as-fanfic and fanfic-being-written-like-an-original-work#also i'm still firmly refusing to acknowledge the existence of ft100yq#i can't see it. i don't know her
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Rereading again, and it's really interesting to note just how different the early art style is from the later style- and especially from the anime itself. With the manga, you can at least see where things came from; in the anime, it's a fairly radical departure that is only barely recognizable as what it's meant to be, at least in regards to Joker himself, specifically.
The early manga has lots of sharp points and angles, creating a character that, even if he behaves in largely similar ways, still feels almost entirely different from his animated counterpart. No wonder I was so put off by the anime's designs, originally- and that I had gotten the impression that he was older than he actually wound up being, or was type-cast as. Funny how I now largely prefer his anime design and personality, even if it's altogether not that different!
Fun fact, when I first started reading, before I had started watching the anime (and even for a bit after I had started), the voice I had for Joker in my head was the same as Kaito's, from Magic Kaito- which, as far as anime goes, would be from Detective Conan and Magic Kaito 1412, specifically. Even if he seemed older, at least in looks, in my head he very much still read as a bratty teenager, it would seem.
#Kaitou Joker#Magic Kaito#Detective Conan#Mun Post#it's sort of nice to go back from time to time; and notice the differences#in either version he's a funny guy; tho in ways that are both similar and radically different at the same time#I don't recall what sort of voice hachi had in my head; it may well have been the same as canon because it's not too dissonant#with how he looks and acts as a character in the manga#I don't know if the others had any set voices either; because I can't remember if I read about them before or after I decided to watch-#the anime; I was trying to coincide it; but it turns out the timeline of the anime is very different than the manga#it has a hell of a lot more thought put into it for one thing#for a while I had no idea if Roko was original to the anime or if he showed up in the manga or not; he seemed so out of place#p sure he was in the manga first now; tho idk if I'll ever get to read that chapter#if I could I'd love to go back and go over the early chapters; it was the beginning of the scanlation group's work#and it's got that early work wonk all over it- plus some of the double pages are separate for some reason#and it disrupts the flow; if nothing else I'd want to fix that#I've also heard something about missing pages from a twitter account; dunno what that's about necessarily tho#especially since I'm pretty sure one of the double pages was fixed after mangadex allowed chapter editing#maybe some early chapters got skipped over? or they're missing in the file downloads; no idea about those#bc I prefer to read online...#also I'd say I'm sorry about bombing two semi-unrelated tags with this nonsense; but I'm really not#it at least has SOME relevance to these topics! even outside of what I mentioned actually#bc kaito and joker are both phantom thieves; and even more interestingly; apparently there was some kind of merch crossover event-#between the kaijo anime and detective conan; that I really wish I knew the details about beyond that it Existed
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Immediately forgot what that dream was about, but we/I did have a little more facial hair
#there was some guy named michael and some woman who was supposedly famous named jzk or something#and i have no idea what even happened in the dream. there was another woman. possibly dating michael and some white guy#the other three were black. which is not telling me anything. so i don't know why that's information i remember#also i got handed a bag with letters. which is why i know the guy's name. but also. it felt kind of implied that i know him#and also the letters apparently contained gifts. but then i realized i've been just snoozing my alarm for 10 minutes#also i'm pretty sure the dream body was not the same as our physical body. like. even besides the more facial hair#that was definitely at least longer on t. if not possibly gone through male puberty naturally. pretty sure the body was also taller#and had a prominent adam's apple. which is also not what i look like in headspace and also i don't know who the body technically belonged to#i was not addressed by name. also the dream was in english#this is probably more details than anyone ever remembers of a dream in our system#-guntram
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one of my favorite parts of strategy games like chess and advance wars is that feeling when you haven't quite won yet but the enemy has no real options so it feels like you're just sloowly wrapping around them like a snake. when all your enemy has is their king and you've managed to turn 3 of your pawns into queens, and all you've gotta do is get in juust the right position, and in the meantime all they can do is squirm. god, that's such a wonderful feeling. nothing quite like it
#incidentally i don't like it when versions of chess insist on enforcing a stalemate rule#honestly to a certain extent i feel like if your enemy has nothing but a king and you've got more than one queen that should just be an#automatic win. like exodia except instead of the individual pieces being useless they're all the most powerful monster card in the game#i think the favorite card i had as a kid was my five headed dragon. thought that shit was so cool. 5000 in both attack and defense???#it seemed unbeatable to my little kid brain. also it was a dragon. of course i loved it#i never learned how to Actually play yugioh of course. just what rules my stupid kid reading comprehension could understand#im pretty sure a monster has to be in play for you to be able to sacrifice it. i didn't know that so i filled my deck with nothing but#really strong monsters and i'd just sacrifice some directly from my hand to summon what i wanted#i stole a lot of yugioh cards as a kid from target. i'm comfortable saying this online because the statute of limitations has absolutely ru#out by now. i looked it up.#i remember for the first time i stole a box set that had exodia. i remember on my way home so i could open it... i genuinely felt like ther#was something mystical in that box. something ancient. there was something really special about that to my kid brain#i'd later steal quite a few more because i got the bright idea to fill a deck with nothing but exodia cards. i figured i'd always have a#first draw win. took me until actually trying to play it that i realized i'd often just get 5 left arms which obviously wouldn't work#so i took that deck and added some actual monsters to “hold me off”. it was pretty much just a normal deck with too much space taken up by#essentially useless cards. i don't think i ever actually won by drawing exodia naturally. what a shame#side note but i still get a bit anxious every time i go to that target. i haven't in years and i can basically guarantee they wouldn't#recognize Grown Ass Adult me as “that kid who stole a lot of yugioh cards”. it's been almost a decade if memory serves#i've grown a lot since then. both physically and metaphorically#i digress
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Something I want to build on with vincent at some point is how much the years of being an adventurer has taken a toll on him. he spent so long just being angry at the world but as he gets closer and closer to carteneau he does start recognizing how reckless he's been and the mistakes he's made over the years. friendships (especially with layla and nhea) helping him get a little closer to how he used to be before finally stopping and trying to do better for himself when he loses his leg. and the fact that guilt has really solidified in him to still make him push himself in his healing rather than combat (though sometimes still pushing himself too far) and how the years of treating himself like a weapon have taken a toll on his mind (he has terrible nightmares that only a select few have been able to help him through it)
#look at me building on vincent more#though this stuff isn't actually new and i'm pretty sure i've mentioned some of it before#but i'd like to round it out more#like nhea being his first friend after leaving gridania that wasn't just a one off working together#or how his and gaius's relationship started because of that mutual understanding of wanting to be better even if their reasons differed#little things like that mainly because i honestly really like how. varied his personality can be#he's usually really calm and collected but now and then he makes some really reckless moves that's more akin to his WoL days#finding ways to make the nightmares easier to more avoidable ranging from meditation to a good solid support at his back#the support being a literal wall sometimes when he was still traveling alone or sharing a cot with gaius when he joins up with them#that bit of safety making a bigger difference than he would've expected though it's not always perfect#i have had thoughts on the zodiark fight because he gets stuck as a tank with a weapon he's not overly familiar with#and that ends up with his leg getting busted up and cid and nero being a little too busy to fix it so he's relegated to helping other ways#which would tie in my idea of his crutches being able to act as a conjurer's staff >:3#my little moon expedition team ends up being the main squad of raya nhea layla and vincent#not sure where einar is at the time since he was in garlemald maybe staying back to help people? probably?#but yea it's 2 monks a white mage and a lancer with a gunblade so goes about as well as you'd expect lol#raya and nhea are both paladins as well so i guess technically one of them could tank instead but hey#this wasn't supposed to be a ramble in the tags kinda post but here we are
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I don't understand why TLM 2 tried so hard to emphasize and clarify how much Ariel is like her mother in terms of personality when she is, in the movie, quite frankly, written to be more like Eric in character. She was really primarily introverted, shy, awkward, tomboyish, mild-mannered and more serious, which is more like her father. I guess it was her impulsive, curious, rebellious and reckless nature that made the characters in the movie go, "Ow, she is so like her mother!", but I don't know, whenever I see Melody, I see her as closer to her dad. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who sees it this way. I don't believe for one second that NO ONE in that universe was able to notice the similarities she had with her father. C'mon, she even has his doggone smile! 😂
#melody#eric#disney#the little mermaid 2#meta#disney meta#character analysis#txt#i've seen a few screencaps of her and i'm like “man that's eric child”#he made that girl damn near like him the only difference is the facial structure nose and eye shape#this was not a mistake from the animators and writers. she makes a lot of similar facial expressions#“like mother like daughter” more like father like daughter!#but that was when she was kid she could have changed later on. some kids do change A LOT when they get older#i feel like the older she got the more she resembled her dad#it seems that way prolly because it was from the perspective of ariel's side of the family/heritage but i mean#i'm pretty sure they spent a lot of time around eric enough to get an idea of what his personality is like#and if you bitches say he had no personality i'm going to strangle you so hard you are gonna see nothing but blackness#tired of that silly ass false ass argument. but ANYWHO#i'm DAMN SURE grimsby noticed the parallels. eric's staff most likely said “she is just like her father”
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I just: finished my translation work 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#thoughts#IT'S DONE!!!!!!#IT'S DONE!!!!#I've been working on this game since almost exactly 2 years#two years and one month to be exact#so I'm a little emotional!!#it's going to be a really sweet game I'm happy I got to work on it#with a story that is simple and approachable but with pretty neat character depth#like a hot cocoa and cinnamon cookie during a rainy day kind of game#ALSO I got my first feedback on the unmanageable thralls outline#and the issues weren't where I expected them to be#it's always the thing I assumed I had nailed...................#actually once I secure an acceptable v2#I Might look for people willing to give me feedback#especially on the most sensitive parts (but also overall)#I just need to be more sure of myself + have some kind of sample scene that I can slide alongside so people can get an idea of#what it actually looks like re: medium and mood etc#ANYWAY
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Collective consciousness (Patreon)
#Doodles#Deltarune#Pink Addison#Blue Addison#Yellow Addison#I'm injecting a bunch of old headcanon carryovers from IZ and it feels great and you can't stop me#Lol#It's my old love of consensual and affectionate hiveminds rearing its head again#I'm pretty sure I was only thinking about the little portable battery cord in the back of the neck - inspired again lol -#And from there it spun out into What Ifs and now I'm sticking with it because I like it a lot#All that to say lol - What if Addisons had a way of sharing data/thoughts/dreams/opinions a little more intimately than talking about them#I think the Rouxls mini with Pink and Blue thinking the same thing and both reacting the same way fed into this as well haha#Which actually works well as to why Pink was quicker on his feet! Blue's been avoiding linking up lately for some~ reason haha#I think it wouldn't be like a complete upload/download - more like a stream of consciousness while linked up#So they could intentionally think about something specific to better communicate an idea that they can't quite verbalize for example#But you get distracted for a moment and Oops secret's out hehe ♪ It has quite the drama potential :3c#So Blue's just not taking the risk for the moment - Spamton's kinda forefront on his mind and it'd be sus if he was Not Thinking really hard#What would happen if Spamton tried to link up as he is now? :0#And then last one with the link working as intended haha �� They're having a nap together to recharge and catch up :D#It was really fun to doodle a little dream between them haha ♫ I've been having a lot of fun with thought bubbles lately actually :D#As evidenced by 3/4 panels having one here haha it's fun!
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I think it's so funny how Portuguese people (I'm Portuguese so don't come for me for saying this) wanna take credit in the smallest things and I think "taking credit" might not be the right words, so I will just explain, the new short film coming out with pedro pascal "strange way of life" that film has a Portuguese actor in it (not sure what role he is playing but pedro has posted photos with him) and the name of the movie is the name of a veryyyyy iconic song here in Portugal from a very well known and loved singer that is no longer alive, and during press for the last of us one Portuguese interviewer asked pedro about it and I have no idea what he said I wasn't paying attention but from what I've seen this film has NOTHING to do with the song or the singer they just used the name of the song and translated it to English and Spanish and people here were milking that shit, soooo that's what I mean and it's amusing to say the least
#I'm pretty sure even the name wasn't chosen bc of the singer it was a coincidence I have to do some more research but I think pedro didn't#Even answer that question I think he was very vague but don't quote me on it bc like I said I was not paying attention#But I think the director has also said nothing about it?? Once again need to do more research but I don't think he did#So the only clear connection that is obviously not some coincidence is that there's a Portuguese actor anything else I have no idea#It would be kinda cool tho if they had the song in the movie bc the song is from a Portuguese genre of music called Fado#But I also feel a little protective over it lol but it's highly unlikely that it will happen and I would prefer it didn't#anyway i'm rambling#Sorry oops#Pedro pascal#strange way of life
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I can't with the previous post. It's just so good applied to Levi, Lacie, Oswald and even Jack.
Levi has his hands tied by the Baskerville system that is a sort of scam by the Jurors‚ like every Glen. But he says "let's just create a change" and gives a will to the Core. And he does so with the full intention of changing the narrative, if just to avoid the boredom of spending eternity watching the same thing happen over and over again from a sit in someone else's mind.
Lacie goes along with it because of her desire to ease the Core's loneliness, but in her idea of the children of misfortune being a consequence of this loneliness and her feelings of doubt or reservations, perhaps, revealed even before the tree scene in the scene in which she talks about this with Oswald, we could interpret this as her desire to end the existence of the children of misfortune and thus the cycle.
Jack plays into this in his attempt to take the "real" world to the "Abyss" world, but when he most consciously twists the narrative the Jurors had settled was when he intently made the decision to take the power from the Baskervilles. And I do think it has to do with ending the very system that doomed Lacie and Oswald and he deemed cruel and like torture, but mainly it is so that no one would interfere with him in the future.
Oswald tries to destroy the new narrative Jack has or is creating first by trying to stop him, but later on by trying to stop Levi's schemes before everything happened, resettling the narrative he was controlled and doomed by, serving still as their tool. And then he literally faces the truth, in the most explicitly way no one ever has been told this in that "real" world before, and threatens to kill the instigators of that narrative. And then just renounces, in a lack of action that is him at his most active ("not with a bang but a whimper", how fitting is that?!!!).
Ultimately there is a middle ground but the narrative is changed for good. For better or worse. With uncertain future consequences. But it is changed, and it feels kinder. And as a thank you the source of every narrative, the ink and paper of the narrative, lulls someone who shouldn't have existed but changed the world to sleep by telling him a different story. Because that's it. They're stories, and Oz deserved to go with a kinder one, because the ink and paper of the narrative loves him. And it's so interesting how that works metanarratively too. The author tells the story, but the author tells the reader a story about the stroy telling a softer version of the story, so that the reader too will get it alongside Oz. That works on several levels and it's so so interesting.
#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#I was thinking a couple of days ago about how Lacie states that to Oswald in chapter 101 and how it seems to hint towards her choosing#to go through it not just in an attempt to ease the Core's loneliness but also trying to end the cycle if the children of misfortune really#originate from that. Ultimately it doesn't seem to work because even after Vincent there had kept existing new children. It could be argued#that perhaps it's due to the Will's own loneliness and isolation‚ or to the Core now being more sure about what loneliness is‚ or maybe#the author just didn't think of it further. Even after everything that happens the existence of the children of misfortune is necessary to#access the Core‚ that will now speak through Jack's body‚ Jack's mouth. So maybe Lacie's theory is true. And I like to think it is‚#but I'm biased bc I like how it works narratively and I love the concept of the children of misfortune being like emanences of the Core#and the parallelisms drawn from it. Like with Jack. Lacie's attempt to ease the Core's loneliness + chance the cycle works so well with#Jack's own intention and methods but in a twisted way‚ which works so well with how he misinterpreted her desire in his will to keep living#The Core gaining a certain sense of personhood through Lacie works very well with Jack both gaining first and then losing it for the same#The Core having a vague feeling of loneliness that Lacie recognises and knowing to acknowledge it thanks to Lacie works well with Lacie#learning to do the same through Jack‚ and with both Jack and Lacie recognising that loneliness in each other and feeling some kind of#connection and understanding due to that‚ yet not knowing it in themselves until facing the other. How that dooms them both in some ways#And now it's the typical Core/Lacie/Jack parallelisms that get a thousand faces and mirages through the story#of which I always talk and that makes me end up talking about pretty much every character in the manga and Cantor's transfinite numbers#so I will shut up already. I've already talked a lot. And sorry for the post but I couldn't fit everything in the tags#and I don't want to lose the idea‚ I want to keep on thinking about it more thoroughly#Pardon also my denomination of the worlds. Understand the " in the nietzschean sense please#Also that goes to my future self if I forget but I think I'll understand what I mean with that#I'm myself after all‚ if slightly altered‚ and live inside myself#I think there was some other clarification I wanted to make and perhaps some correction but I can't recall right now#It doesn't matter much because this is a draft for future personal pondering‚#but I hope it's not too grave as to confuse my future thoughts or that at least I will catch it later on
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Night 2 in a row of not being able to sleep because my pelvis hurts too fucking much. I took ibuprofen before bed, but it didn't do shit, much like it didn't do shit for me throughout all of yesterday. So sick of there always being something that hurts bad enough to disrupt my sleep.
#pain#chronic pain#pretty sure it's endometriosis but no doctor will ever entertain that idea#i had one tell me i have a bunch of cysts after an ultrasound. but when i asked what i can do about that she literally just shrugged#she said something like 'having a half dozen dime-sized cysts isn't cause for concern'#like. ok. but what if that's what's causing the pain?#I've known several people with ovarian cysts who get them removed and suddenly have no pain#but because it's a fEmALe RePrOdUcTiVe SyStEm issue doctors never fucking listen#and i don't have insurance so it's not like i can go pester every obgyn in the area until one listens to me#but I'm looking into booking shit through the health department because it's like $50 without insurance#planned parenthood also does checkups for cheap/free but it always gets burnt down as soon as it reopens so...#like they just rebuilt this summer and are already closed due to severe damage done to the building -_-#i just want to go one day without being in a stupid amount of pain. is that so much to ask?#if it's not my back it's a headache. if it's not a headache it's my knees. if it's not my knees it's my pelvis.#it's no way to live.#and the answer i get time and time again is 'get more active and take ibuprofen for the pain '#cool. great. I'm extremely active. i run like 2 miles a day and move a lot at work. which I'm not supposed to because of my disability.#i take so much ibuprofen that I'll probably have some organ failure from it later#I'm doing what you said doc. when's it work? how many years of 'being more active' until it ends?#I'm literally not supposed to exert myself in any way because it can make my brain problem worse. yet it's what everyone says will cure it#and sure. running will sometimes make the lower back pain go away. but that's just pain from sitting in a chair weird.#the actual pain never ceases. laying down is the only thing that helps that.#and then I'll get the pelvic pain and nothing eases that. not pain meds. not heat. not laying or standing in certain ways. nothing.#so here i am at 7:30am on my day off trying not to scream because I've been up since about 4am doing anything i can to ease the pain
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[image description: black and white sketch. dangeresque, further in the background, points his nunchuck-gun forward in a wide stance. dangeresque too, in the foreground, leans back on his feet & points his own gun in the air. they both look seriously to the right at an unseen target. at the left are some crates in the background. the caption is red, blocky & curvy text, reading "you take the big guy". end image description]
i honest to god put more stock into the relationship between these double-fictional characters than sb & hs themselves sometimes
#the implications man the implications#i read that one comic yes and i think the honest to god nice level the dangeresque two's relationship is built upon is. so fun#i will analyze that in another post. this post is for me to say. i really like it#god what if i wrote a story. see i really like the idea of stories where sb has to confront the beings from his own creations#in a messy & extremely freudian manner#so one where he meets up with the cast of dangeresque would be fun to make. i can imagine it#if cutsey/sultry buttons craig & strong sad's misc brother characters are any indication there is a good deal of actor influence#in the cast's realization as characters. i mean like bubs & the kot & pom pom & the poopsmith play their parts pretty straightforwardly#but let's face it. sb can come up with very nice concepts but he can't do super varied character types.#the rest of the cast are responsible for much of the variety in the actual character trait department. he makes up the drama fine#okay i said i wouldn't do analysis in this post. my point is a fcusa/dangeresque cast meetup would be interesting#because some of them are direct strong bad products & there'd be some people dealing with#yep yeah i figured out that's how sb views me while i was playing that character. or even just yep i'm not like that at all#meanwhile others would be like man it sure is nice how i'm not actually like that but it kind of hurts how sb views me so#and yet others would be like say strong bad since dangeresque & dangeresque too are getting up to some stuff right now#wouldn't it be so cool if we also did something. so that they could see their progentitor-types have also got epic things going on#god ask me about this again at a time not so late at night okay. and also once i've had more time to think about it
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Custom mtg mechanics jumpscare
#the idea of making my cards into a full set made me think I'd need some new mechanics#the dedication mechanic was designed specifically so my Darce card can fuck them over#it was originally named 'momentum'#but dedication fit the flavor of these cards better#also Seraphic Lieutenant would be the second ever Angel without flying#almost would've made it a completely new creature type because of this#but then I decided#I can probably get away with changing a creature types typical characteristics for a set#as long as I'm being somewhat consistent about it#also nobody is there to stop me#pretty sure I had more to say but I forgot what it was#custom cards#custom cards 1
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I'm discussing neurodiversity with a friend and she actually suspects she has adhd. I might have all the experience of adhd but who am I to judge right? But the thing is.. she has such strong qualities in area's that are challenging for people with adhd. And I feel like her definition of disorder because she is so balanced and organized in everything she does is on a whole different level. Like she is used to following through in her calculated choices and sticks to her habits more then almost any person I've known and it really sticks out to her when she doesn't. And her definition of I might have adhd is "I've always been dreamy and get distracted by my own thoughts when I'm supposed to be paying attention when someone is talking" Which IS a hallmark of adhd. But I can't feel help but feel.. misunderstood? Because I feel like she underestimates what it means to actually live with adhd. And it's such a fundamental aspects of my life that I know she'd be damn good in masking and overcompensating most adhd symptoms if she had it. I feel a little stupid for letting me bother it, but it still does? Maybe more because she is a close friend of mine.
#adhd#neurodiversity talk#She is highly sensitive and quickly overwhelmed by stimuli and actually has more overlap with common autism symptoms because of her#high sensitivity#and the way she finds comfort in routine but she is a 100% convinced that she doesn't because of the whole idea around “empathy” which is#well.. more or a alexathimia specific thing and wildly misunderstood too#I don't want to feel like a bad person for coming on here to ramble about this tho#Her qualities always made the skills I lack due to adhd so obvious but she always inspired me to do better#and while we have many similarities some of the most stark differences have always been the traits I associate with adhd#personal#or perhaps if someone like her that I look up to because of her level of selfcontrole and organisation that seems to come natural naturally#could have adhd that would make me feel like a failure like I should or could have managed my own symptoms better if I had worked harder#and actually used strategies#but I'm like theres no way right??#this level of selfreflection is pretty confrontational tbh#I also don't want her to feel like something is wrong with her because I know what that feels like#I'm having a bunch of mixed feelings in different directionsbasically#then she was listing a bunch of symptoms that weren't a problem for her like prioritizing tasks and again I was like... ahem so unlikely#you cover a the basics for a full diagnosis#She is on a selfdicovery journey tho and I love her for that. I'm sure it will make sense to her whatever applies when it comes to#neurodiversity#she wants to see a professional too which I think is always a great idea#in the meantime I just want to both support and inform her about what I know about this stuff#like my intention is not to invalidate whatever she suspects which is why I feel rude for having mixed feelings
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my brain: hey, you haven't had a breakdown about pregnancy in a while. would you like to?
#I literally don't know what that was 🙃#I have been getting a lot of pregnancy videos on youtube for some reason#and tonight one popped up that I was a little intrigued by#(and also was giving me the weird feelings so of course I had to poke at it)#and now I got to have a good cry sesh talking to myself about being scared of/freaked out by pregnancy#and how even tho I've never had sex with anyone. let alone a penis. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up pregnant#wether or not I want it. or that my brain will convince me I want it even if I don't#and soooo many people around me right now are having babies#so idk. maybe it's been on my mind more than I thought it had been#but I haven't cried about the idea of being pregnant in a Hot Minute#have had some nightmares about it tho a few year ago
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"All those drinks are gonna do you dirty, ma. You're gonna throw up if you don't get some food in your system, so eat," Toji says, pushing the box closer to you.
You giggle at his serious face, before standing up from your chair for the fourth time, trying to go around him. Toji's used to this by now and stands up, bringing you back down to your chair.
"Stop getting up and eat your food. You literally begged for this. Why aren't you eating it?"
"Why aren't you eating it?" You return, raising your brows at him, seductively. It doesn't come off too sexy when raising your eyebrows makes you immediately squint because of the light going into your sensitive eyes, but it does lure a chuckle out of Toji.
"I'm ignoring that. Just eat. I don't wanna hear you upchucking in a couple hours."
"You won't hold my hair back?" You pout. Your feigned little flash of sadness produces real tears in this state, so it's a little confusing for Toji when you start giggling while wiping at your reddened cheeks.
"Your food's getting cold. I know how you are about reheating fast food, so eat it before it goes to waste."
You smile at him, your eyelids almost completely shut in your drunken daze. Toji can't even lie, it's cute. It's the only reason he's not up the wall about this little situation. Then you decide to drop a bomb on him.
"I'm not hungry anymore. Too tired to eat." You rest your chin on your palm, shutting your eyes. It feels nice. It would take less than thirty seconds for you to fall asleep.
Fuck. Think, think, think...
"Hey." Toji pokes your forehead, lightly, earning a hum and a furrow of your brows. "What if I feed you?"
You laugh, giddily. "Ooo, you trying to romance me?"
"Sure, if you eat."
You laugh again. "Toji, you dog, you. I'm not putting out." You shake your head, eyes closed with a dumb grin on your face. "No, sir. It's food and then goodnight for me."
"You already put out for me, earlier, doll." He smirks at the way you blush, clearly having an 'oh, yeah...' moment. "Eat some more so we can go to sleep."
"Hm?" You hum, rolling your eyes open after your blink of sleep. You crack a grin as soon as you look at Toji. "You wanna kiss me sooo bad. Look at you."
"I'm not gonna kiss you. You're not listening. You think you deserve kisses for that?"
"Uh... yes? I mean no. Pshhh, nooo. Of course, not."
"That's right. So eat, or you'll go to sleep without kisses, tonight."
"Noooo," you whine, dramatically. "Wait! Fine, fine. Look." You take a huge bite of your sandwich, your cheeks puffing up as you chew. "Oh, this is really good," you say, muffled by your mouthful of food.
"Don't choke, doll. Small bites are fine," he says, picking up a napkin and wiping the excess condiments off your face.
You push through it and gulp down the bite. "That was a lot. Got bread stuck on the roof of my mouth." You take a sip of your drink to wash it all down. "Did I look so pretty for the party, today?" You ask, your lips curling as you put the cup back down.
"You did, mama. Stunning. Swept everyone there, off their feet."
You smile, the gesture transitioning into a giggle. "Even Shiu?"
"Yup. Even Shiu said he wanted a piece of you."
You gasp. "No... Did you fight him?"
"Nah, I wanted to, but I kept my cool. If he had put his hands on you, then I might have, but I had my eye on you all night, to make sure nobody did more than look at you."
"I wouldn't have followed him anywhere, anyway." You roll your eyes, suddenly so hostile against the host of the party. "Probably would've kicked him in the nuts and gone to find you."
"Yeah, that's a smart idea, doll."
Toji's elaborate answers to your questions kept you awake long enough for you to mindlessly eat while he talked. You were at the end of the sandwich when you realized how much you had eaten and how full you were.
"Can't... do it..." You groan, lying on the arm you have extended on the table. "Too full." You sigh, heavily, setting the rest of the sandwich down on the scattered fries in its box.
"That's good, ma. You don't have to eat it, anymore. We can go to bed, now."
You let out another heavy sigh, sluggishness washing over you before you force yourself to stand up from your chair, this time with Toji's 'okay'. He looks at your little belly as it protrudes from your dress, proof of how full you actually are, and pokes at it. Your usually soft tummy is temporarily stiff and it's adorable.
You grab Toji's hand so that you don't stumble as you walk. Before leaving the table, he finished the remainder of your sandwich in one bite and threw out the container with the remaining cold fries.
"Damn, you were right, baby. That was good."
"Mhm," you mumble, waiting for him to lead you to the room.
Toji helped you brush your teeth and wash your face, and when you finally made it to the room, he helped you dress down into comfier clothes. Now, you're in bed together and you're in his arms trying to doze off, but you can't with the way he's smothering your face with kisses. It's just kiss after kiss with him and you can't focus, but It is what you wanted. After all, you stuffed your face for this.
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