#I'm not too much in the fandom anymore
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Ugly ahh bitch
#murder drones#I'm not too much in the fandom anymore#but I see Nuzi#I click#Also N's headband is white not black
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last night i had a dream about mouthwashing and it started out with the scene where swansea has the axe raised above daisukes head, and swansea says "close your eyes, daisuke." and so he closes his eyes and the axe comes down, and then he opens his eyes and shoots up into a sitting position and finds himself alone in the room, and he's like "...was that a dream...?" and anya appears out of nowhere and sits next to him and is like "you're ok now, daisuke." and daisuke is all freaked out and crying "i was so scared"
and anya hugs him and says "i know, daisuke." and they hold each other for a while, and then daisuke is like "where is everyone else..?" and anya smiles sadly and stands up, holding her hand out, and daisuke takes her hand and follows her out of the room and into the med-bay and he finds swansea crouched in front of something leaning against the wall, and curly is in the bed and jimmy is there too ig.
daisuke looks relieved and says "swansea! you're ok!!" and swansea turns and looks at daisuke and he has this heartbroken look on his face and daisuke is like "..whats.. going on..?" and jimmy isn't reacting to anything they're doing, but when daisuke looks over swanseas shoulder he sees himself, leaned up against the wall with his head caved in from the axe. next to him is anya, her face bloody, and swansea, with bullet holes in his head. and daisuke stares, not quite grasping what he's looking at, and the anya that walked in with him puts her hand on daisukes shoulder comfortingly, and swansea looks away, looking guilty, and daisuke is on the verge of a panic, not understanding, and he's like "n-no, i. i woke up, right? it was just a dream, right??"
and then i woke up. and it was just a dream.
#hello mouthwashing fandom#how are you#when i tell people i have wild dreams#i don't mean they're chaotic and don't make sense#i mean they make too much sense and have full plot lines#anyway.#um.#i'm not expecting anyone to read this#it's long#lmao#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#mouthwashing anya#jimmy mouthwashing#eugh#swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#mouthwashing doesn't look like a word anymore#they all deserved better#except jimmy#squid dreams#is that a tag i have?#idk. it is now ig
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I'm late to the anniversary of the first chapter, so I'll have to make do with the anniversary of the final chapter.
Thank you so much to everyone who has read WtST and left kudos, comments, or even just taken a peek at it for curiosity's sake; I know I haven't been posting much for it lately, but it still remains one of my favorite AUs to think about, and it's been so so much fun to share Emmet's suffering with you all
Much, much love to you all, and thank you again!
(*ˊᗜˋ*)/ᵗᑋᵃᐢᵏ ᵞᵒᵘ*
(program: krita; time: about 4.5 hours)
#submas#subway boss emmet#hisuian typhlosion#wtst#eggin creatin'#pokemon fanart#been incredibly distracted by gf lately#but submas was the first fandom I really actually poked at#kirby I kind of stay on the outskirts of#and really fandoms in general I try not to get too involved in#but submas has been on of my longest fixations#and I've met so many lovely people that I've just loved seeing around#even taken the plunge and made a genuine friend outside of tumblr#so it's been really wonderful here#I'm not saying that I'm leaving the fandom or that I won't make anything submas anymore#I still have projects even though the fixation has shifted and the flame has simmered down a bit#so all that being said yeah it's mostly gf right now#but I still love submas and I still love wtst#and I hope to finish pandemonic paradise this year#and post blind to all but gold someday too#so thank you all for being here and supporting me and my shenanigans#emmet surely does not appreciate you all encouraging me to torment him but I sure do!#I hope 2025 keeps treating you all well#thank you so much for everything <3#(*ˊᗜˋ*)/ᵗᑋᵃᐢᵏ ᵞᵒᵘ*
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[Immediately after Fit brutally roasted a chatter for being a filthy metagamer]
Dono: You became my comfort streamer. It has been great here.
Fit: Oh, thank you so much, thank you thank you thank you. I'm glad I can bring you comfort when I insult the sht out of some chatters, I'm glad I can comfort you. That's right!
Fit: People say I'm nice, no, I'm not nice. I'm polite. Mostly. There's a difference between being nice and being polite, I am polite. I am polite.
#FitMC#QSMP#Fit#February 11 2024#Top 10 FitMC moments tbh#I have been extremely annoyed / easily frustrated by large parts of the community as a whole lately#(not streamer specific and no specific thing really just all chats & fans being varying degrees of insufferable / annoying and it piling up#to the point where I've considered taking a step away from the series#But Fit's been nice to watch because he doesn't let dumb stuff slide lmao#maybe I'm just getting too old for this#still love the series I just don't want to interact with the chat or fandom much anymore#anyways Fit's voice saying the ''I'm not nice I'm polite. Mostly'' line is very good
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Are true riverdale fans of the opinion it is a very good and nearly flawless show or does being a true riverdale fan mean being able to mock writing choices
it's long-running serial television plotted a season/half at a time so definitely not even "nearly" flawless.
BUT. i'm not doing combat with the writing team. i'm not actively reading against the text the way i have to in order to enjoy something like supernatural or the 90s robin comics or the fucking sopranos, which are patriarchal christiancore copworld rapeworld white supremacist horrorshows that hate their minority audiences, with like 2 good creatives involved and martyring themselves to fight the good fight on sparse rare installments if you try to approach them sincerely.
riverdale writing staff are like a favorite smart problematic tumblr mutual to me. I don't always like what's on their blog or who they're referencing. but we're in the same community and i'm interested and inspired and i trust their agenda overall, even when i see shit i wouldn't have fucking posted. but bc i'm not being condescended to or actively spited i'm not gonna condescend to or spite them, you know?
i expect rvd to age like twin peaks (another very uneven, highly referential serial juggling a couple of intensely cool metanarratives on top of its core story). and twin peaks fandom mocks twin peaks all the time. twin peaks includes some CLUNKY shit. it's kitsch. it's camp. it has a second season that is largely ASS. james is there. and on top of that it also includes some genuinely offputting-to-me stuff that just bothers me to sit through, even though i feel like i understand and respect what they're going for with it. i just don't want to watch someone sweep the fucking bar for minutes and minutes as entertainment. OK!!?
...so yeah. mock riverdale but in the right spirit. is that an answer? do i sound like i'm chugging the flavoraid koolaid fresh-aid? probably.
#i like the way people mock the flop parts of twin peaks and i enjoy it when people mock the flop parts of riverdale in the same tone#but rvd NOT one of those shows where the fandom is the thing that makes it good by appropriating and rearranging it. like some listed above#riverdale isn't dumb. it's not thoughtless. it's a lowbrow postmodern love letter to trash media and it takes a lot of big risky swings.#and its juggling act does NOT always work in practice. i don't always agree with the tradeoffs it takes to balance like.#the mainline text AND the queer subtext AND the fanfictiony iterative media riffs AND the genre meta AND the actual canonical metaplot#but it really does reward curiosity and close-reading. it's like a little puzzle cube you have to turn over a few times sometimes to solve#i feel judgmental about people who hit 'post' on what's obviously like a very surface level reaction without much thought put into it#ohhh the show challenged you? the show folded continuity over on itself and you can't hang anymore? you didn't get what you expected?#and now you're being dismissive instead of sitting with it? ok. dork.#riverdale#(it's not really that serious. but you asked and i'm feeling so so very earnest about Posting today. love you thanks for asking)#(would love to know what parts you most want to mock. i have my own list. eNdGaMe is at the top of it. jughead's mommy issues era too)
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What if Christos Lawton is the one responsible for putting I Say A Little Prayer For You on the official George Hodgson playlist. What then. On the one hand I would have to set myself on fire but on the other hand it would be FANTASTIC news for whoever authored my all time favorite post on the Cold Boys Kink Meme
#I just love the way it's worded. There's something so beautiful about it. Something freeing. Why shouldn't they indeed.#The odds of this are probably even worse than the standard ''1 out of however-many-songs-on-the-playlist chance'' for various reasons.#But I can't stop thinking about it.#Can't believe this prompt is unfilled btw. especially after witnessing the camp discord during the infamous Garrigan/Harris video call.#The RPF fandom very clearly yearns for. well. the RPF.#also yes that link does lead to the famous Epaulette Shimmying video. of course. god bless. my favorite video in the whole world <3#Starky's Original Posts#ok last time I made a post and deliberately did the responsible thing#and kept my ship tag out of the first five tags so it wouldn't pollute the actual ship tag seen by everyone else#but then to my horror it showed up there anyways#hopefully that doesn't happen again smfh#hodgving#the terror#''so did you finally fuckin--'' NO I'm not allowed to look/listen til Tuesday at the earliest. OCD said so and also at this point I need it#to bait myself into getting through the day. there's too much to do and my will to do literally anything at all#is at just about the lowest it's ever been#I haven't eaten anything besides a few crackers and pretzels for three days.#good good. it isn't even hungry anymore. it doesn't even want to live.#BUT. I WANT GEORGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3<3<3 SO WE PERSIST
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hi Silver! o/ because that fanart made me wonder - would you happen to know when/where Dick's stuffed elephant plush Zitka turns up in the comics?
GREETINGS CAM <3333 THAT ART WAS SO CUTE
Yeah, I think your instincts are right - it's a truly adorable bit of transformative fandom, but I'm 95% percent sure it's not comics canon. Barbara has canon plushies, but I don't think anyone else does.
I got kinda invested in the investigation (it's hard to prove a negative!) and I ended up typing out an entire History of Elinore/Zitka, so, uh, if you're curious, meet me below the cut for:
Where does Elinore / Zitka - the animal - appear in comics?
Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?
Where does Elinore / Zitka appear in comics?
We're gonna go in chronological order!
Dick's circus elephant friend was first created for practical reasons: in Batman 436, Marv Wolfman does a big expanded flashback to Dick's circus backstory as a way to subtly show us Tim before officially introducing him (so that we can have a technically-solvable mystery-of-Tim's-identity in LPoD). In this comic, there's an elephant named Elinore who loves Dick:
Aww. Such a cute elephant!
Batman 436 comes out in August 1989. New Titans 60 comes out a few months later, in November, and guess what? When Dick visits the circus, he is suddenly surprised by an unexpected blast from the past! It turns out that even though it's been years, Elinore still remembers him!
Here's the part where Elinore remembers Dick:
SUCH a cute elephant. I love her.
(Guess who else still remembers Dick even though it was so long ago. Guess which other character is about to be an unexpected blast from the past. Guess which character Elinore is directly paralleling guess guess guess sorry everything is about Dick and Tim in my mind but I can focus I swear)
Four years later, in 1993, Batman: The Animated Series retells Dick's origin story. They like and keep Wolfman's elephant, but they change her name to Zitka:
Wolfman doesn't return to the elephant beyond those two appearances, and a few years down the line, New Titans gets cancelled and Wolfman's not writing Dick anymore anyway. So the animal gets abandoned for a while, until Devin Grayson, a fan of both Wolfman and B:tAS, revives the Wolfman-era Titans team in JLA/Titans and then the ongoing series Titans 1999.
Grayson then brings back the elephant in a flashback to Dick's past in Titans 16 (Jun 2000), where she imports the B:tAS name. Sometimes I'm skeptical of TV-to-comics imports, but honestly, I endorse this one. You lose the alliteration, which is a shame, but IMO Zitka is a better elephant name than Elinore.
Here's Dick with the newly-christened Zitka in Titans 16:
Grayson also briefly references the elephant in Gotham Knights 20 and - in a final angsty callback - in Nightwing 88 (Feb 2004), where Zitka tries futilely to comfort Dick in the midst of his trauma conga line:
... And... honestly, I think that's it for comic appearances? The two Wolfman comics plus the three Grayson comics.
Both Wolfman and Grayson are writing multiple titles - Batman, New Titans, Titans, Gotham Knights, and Nightwing between the two of them, spanning a big chunk of Dick's post-Crisis canon - and both writers use the elephant for heartwarming moments of nostalgia, which means if you're doing a post-Crisis readthrough for Dick, Elinore/Zitka feels memorable. But I don't think she actually shows up that much.
For post-2011, I am not as well-informed - throwing this out to the dash? anyone know? - but I feel like Zitka the heartwarming symbol of Dick's heartwarming circus past is, uh, thematically very at odds with the Court of Owls evil!circus vibes, so my instinct is that this story element was almost certainly dropped in the reboot.
Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?
In WFA, yes; in main comics continuity, no. Technically, I have not read every comic ever published, so I could be wrong!! But I don't think so.
Below, find my rambling reasoning on the tonal vibes of pre-Crisis, post-Crisis, and post-2011, and why this particular story element doesn't seem right to me for the first two.
Pre-Crisis (...okay, mostly the Silver Age): stuffed animal, yes or no?
tl;dr no, requires too much background knowledge on the part of the reader, plus the elephant wasn't a thing until later
Elinore doesn't get created until post-Crisis, but also just generally, pre-Crisis callbacks are more along the lines of this reference in Batman 129 (published in 1960), where, wow, Batman and Robin are hunting jewel thieves - and it turns out Robin recognized this strongman! BUT HOW?!
The comic goes on to recap Dick's entire origin story in flashback, on the assumption that you may not know it.
(BTW, if you'd like to know more about Haly's Circus throughout the years, nightwingology has a great post here summarizing a lot of fun plotlines and characters!)
Basically: Silver Age comics are very self-consciously episodic and kid-friendly; they're not generally gonna do overly-elaborate callbacks because they don't know what comics their kid readers may have randomly picked up or remember.
By the time of post-Crisis, comic books were being written for an adult audience buying from the direct market, i.e. readers who are collecting whole runs & don't need or want Dick's origin story to be recapped to us in full every time it's referenced. That's why in post-Crisis, we get stuff like "hey, neat, this particular soda brand is getting mentioned in several different books!!" or "in order to understand this story arc, buy SIXTEEN DIFFERENT COMICS in FIVE DIFFERENT RUNS and read them ALL ACCORDING TO A NUMBERED ORDER and also you better be following the individual plotlines and recognize these five minor characters who we don't bother to introduce!! Good luck!!" But the elaborate post-Crisis plotlines - and subtler worldbuilding like a stuffed animal callback to Dick's backstory - don't make a lot of story sense UNLESS you're imagining your readers as completionist adult fans.
So IMO a stuffed animal wouldn't be a pre-Crisis thing unless it was The Episodic Story Of the Week, and I don't think a stuffed animal is action-adventure-y enough for the fast-paced storytelling of the Silver Age. (Unless it, like, came to life and tried to eat you or something.)
Post-Crisis: stuffed animals, yes or no?
tl;dr: no, Dick's a manly tough guy, he's not gonna have a stuffed animal, that'd be lame, like something Tim might do
Part of the edgy grimdark adult vibes in 80s/90s comics is that some characters who used to be kinda silly & goofy & lighthearted - like Batman and Robin - get reimagined as Serious and Angsty and Edgy in a Tough Cool Manly Brooding Way. This massively affects characterization for Bruce, Dick, and Bruce and Dick's relationship.
(I obviously love this change & love the tense Bruce-and-Dick interactions, but plenty of fans of the earlier fluffy comics really disliked the edgy retcons of Miller / Wolfman / Starlin / et al.)
The upshot is that post-Crisis is a period when you could have a recurring reference like a stuffed elephant, but you wouldn't have a stuffed elephant, not for Dick. I think a toy like that would be too cutesy / childish / effeminate to give a male character in post-Crisis, unless you were poking fun at him.
Now, you could probably let Tim have a stuffed animal, because Tim is sometimes cool but also sometimes a tryhard loser who is faking being cool and not entirely pulling it off (see e.g. the Robin comic where he practices tough-guy faces in the mirror, or the Teen Titans comic where Conner discovers his cringy Enya CD, or when he's fanboying over Connor and it's awkward, etc etc.). A stuffed animal would be deeply embarrassing, and you'd have to be careful to compensate by having Tim do something cool afterward - but Tim's character concept allows for "he's kind of a loser sometimes."
But Dick isn't!! In post-Crisis, Dick's a tough / impressive / "cool guy" character, the kind of guy anyone would want to be, even in the flashbacks where he's Robin, and even in the stories where he's more lighthearted than angsty. It'd be kinda lame for Dick to have a stuffed elephant, so he wouldn't. I feel like Dick would be more likely to poke fun at it if someone had one, like when he's making fun of Wally for liking the Hardy Boys. Dick could have a Batman action figure, at most, and if he had one he would have it ironically.
Basically: in post-Crisis, a male character hugging a stuffed elephant feels more likely to be a punchline to me, not something poignant. (Even with Tim, Tim could have an embarrassing stuffed animal, but he couldn't hug it when sad - that's too far. Maybe Booster Gold might do this. Probably he wouldn't, but spiritually, he would. Sorry Booster ilu! <3)
Instead, Dick instinctively deals with his inner turmoil like the TORTURED ACTION HERO he is: by punching things and brooding and yelling and joining the mob and sleeping on rooftops and going on obsessive secret missions and acquiring Angsty Stubble!! Just like Batman!
(Technically I don't know if Bruce ever joined the mob but you know he would.)
Anyway as you know this is my favorite continuity and I am poking fun affectionately, but uh, yeah sdfsfdsfs. No stuffed animals.
Post-2011 / Infinite Frontier / Wayne Family Adventures: stuffed animals, yes or no?
tl;dr it's in WFA! Probably not anywhere else, but it could be.
Post-2011 stuff tends to be cutesier overall, most of all in the current Infinite Frontier era. So I don't feel like this would be tonally out-of-line with IF comics. Taylor tends to go for more meme-y references rather than fanfic references, though.
So the obvious best fit is WFA, which is aiming for a rough approximation of Silver Age family-friendly vibes - wholesome, episodic plots, Teaching Good Moral Lessons For The Youth, etc. - plus lots of Easter eggs for fanfic readers and some comic references.
And look, here we are:
Aww.
Whew - that's everything I could find!
Anyway as you can probably tell, I LOVE the elephant, so this was a very entertaining rabbit hole to go down, thank you <3
#dick grayson#anyone with more info feel free to chime in & we can crowdsource <3#i do think the toy elephant is awfully cute though <3#total digression but i was thinking about it as i was writing:#i'm fascinated by the ways that the post-crisis batboys & their stories can intersect with 90s masculinity and all its issues with stoicism#and i'm pro-queering and gender-bending - 90s comics were a total boys' club so i think it's neat that transformative fandom isn't#but i do love 90s masculinity and All Its Issues too & one of the things i find compelling about the dick-tim-bruce trio#& especially dick's place in it - is the unspoken hierarchy whereby bruce is manlier than dick & dick is manlier than tim#and so dick's in the middle as this somewhat softer-character who aspires to be a harsher & more stoic & ultimate manly-man character#caught in the middle between robin & batman & what each role represents#and like. batman is both manhood & the only desirable thing to be AND ALSO it represents this immense narrowing of possibility#because so much of stereotypical masculinity is about reducing the range of emotions you're allowed to have or express#and dick is both incredibly conflicted about bruce AND wants to be just like him & by extension is conflicted about masculinity writ large#so a lot of dick's interactions with tim veer between trying on a frat-boy-ish 'I'm The Manly Guy' persona vs. giving up on it#or trying on imitations of Bruce's Batman persona but also trying to backtrack out of it bc he doesn't like how it feels etc etc#ANYWAY i think what i am trying to say is that if tim had a stuffed animal dick would be entertained & poke mild fun at him#and call him 'teddy' for the next hour or something while tim got increasingly defensive about how the teddy bear was steph's#and/or about how the teddy bear was OLD and tim doesn't even care about it and also WHATEVEr i'm above this#and to an uninformed observer this might look like bullying BUT ACTUALLY#this ritual would IN FACT be very reassuring to both of them + tim would feel WAY better afterward than if dick had ignored it#because by poking fun at him dick shows he still respects tim enough to tease him thus subtextually exorcising the threat of wimpiness#plus allowing tim to defend himself & demonstrate that he can take a joke so they've both reaffirmed their masculinity to each other#& they don't have to be scared of the teddy bear and all it represents anymore#however also afterward dick would have a brief nostalgic flashback to when he was a kid & had a teddy bear & feel weird about the memory#because he would be unable to articulate to himself that what he misses is a past when he allowed himself to be vulnerable#anyway this wouldn't actually happen in comics but it's what would happen in my soul. you know.#ask tag#zitka
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torn between not being able to trust goyim to not be antisemitc anymore unless they really prove me otherwise and going "I guess we'll get along" when they find out I'm Israeli and still treat me like a human being
#like i don't really trust you but as long as we don't talk about politics and i don't follow you outside of discord we should be fine#that being said i don't really use discord as much or make new online friends anymore#because i'm too scared that they will bring up politics or won't treat me like a human being#i mostly use discord to vc with my irl friends now but there are still some online friends i'll talk to once in a while#i'm not very active in fandom spaces anymore because of the antisemitism so ig that's why i don't interact as much#needless to say i do not feel safe online anymore#i don't think being treated with basic human decency on the internet should be a privilege but here we are#it's fucked up but i'm israeli so i don't count and also deserve it#no it's not xenophobic at all what are you talking about. israelis are just all heartless monsters it's ok to bully them into paranoia.#maybe i'd post less about leftist antisemitism if i didn't constantly feel like i have to defend myself and drive leftist antisemites away#maybe i'd post more fandom stuff if i wasn't afraid of drawing attention#gee imagine that#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#jumblr#israblr#hila has spoken
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I'm out of the loop on what's going on in the community right now but from what I've gathered - it's a fuckin' mess. Just so unnecessarily stressful.
I don't know what or who to believe so I'm just gonna carry on how I usually do. I've seen enough shit.
#truth be told I'm close to just leaving COD behind entirely.#it's not fun anymore when crap like this keeps happening and i have received some nasty messages in the past.#writing for COD feels like a chore at this point.#i feel like i HAVE to write for it because i have all these requests and so many mutuals that are in the fandom...#I'm gonna try to finish my requests and after that... idk.#I have too much goin' on in my life for internet drama.#vee's random thoughts go brr#vee's not important life updates#vee's thinking too much
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I just need to get something off my chest real quick, there's really no need to read this unless you want to because you're bored lmao.
So I used to be really good at answering the asks I got. I wouldn't say I answered all of them, but I think overall I had a good ratio for a long time! And I loved it! I think the asks feature is the best thing that tumblr has to offer as a social media platform (god knows just about everything else sucks).
I loved getting asks and answering them and it's a great way to talk to others in our little fandom bubbles and trade thoughts and insights with one another. My mental health did take quite a few hits in the past several months, and part of that was real life (school, sickness, death in the family) and part of that was bullshit fandom drama.
But it just occurred to me yesterday that the reason I'm nowhere near as prolific in answering the asks I get is because I have always put so much effort into putting disclaimers behind all my meta, walking on eggshells so people won't throw tantrums every time I share an opinion they don't like.
And you know what? That just made me an nervous, erratic person afraid of her own tumblr shadow. The thought of having to do all the work to put ten thousand disclaimers behind everything I say so some asshole won't vague me because I accidentally hurt their feelings just made me not want to reply to anything at all. It's fucking exhausting having to think of every scenario in which people might interpret whatever you're saying (about fictional characters may I remind you) in the worst light possible.
In the end all that time and effort I put into censoring myself—because I try to be a nice person, I don't want anyone to feel bad because of me, regardless of the fact that that's been never my intention—in the end none of that mattered! There's people that have been vaguing me for almost two years now and it's not like I go seeking out this information but it's a small fandom and I stumble over it on another blog or some shit every once in a while.
Agonizing over whether or not some random is going to interpret everything I say in the worst possible faith and have a fit on main about my shit takes and make a block list of people who interact with my posts is just so stupid honestly, and trying to censor myself didn't do me a shred of good. People still regularly call me names and insult my intelligence because of the characters I ship, the meta I write, and the kinks I enjoy talking about. It doesn't even matter if I've been active recently or not, they're still mad about stuff I said ages ago! I can't win!
So from now on I'm just to do my best to break this depressing old habit and be online without being apologetic and diminishing my own opinions, answer asks however the hell I want without feeling obligated to coddle a bunch of grown ass adults, and if people want to cry about it, there's a box of tissues in the corner. Go nuts. ♥️
#apologies for exposing myself on main as being a person and not three raccoons in a trenchcoat#i miss being on my blog the way i used to be that was a great time 🤧#i'm sure this post will end up vagued too rip but literally i do not care anymore#if you're going to let little old me get under your skin that much then i might as well make myself at home#hekate.txt#fandom wank
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damn. this is genuinely the only space on the internet where I feel completely at peace.
#this sounds like such a FIRST WORLD PROBLEM but i've genuinely been having so many issues being online post-green day#my world kind of exploded and idk how to handle it#like my face is EVERYWHERE it's actually extremely overwhelming but i know this 5 minutes of fame is stupid and vain and won't last forever#plus i feel like i took too long of a break on my fandom blog and now idk what to do with myself there#i was never really good at fandom and it lowkey feels like tumblr fandom has migrated to discord#which is :/ because i don't have the spoons for that it's so fast paced and triggers my anxiety way too much#and i don’t have the brain power or motivation for any of my wips so it’s just. UGHHHHHHH#i’m barely free anymore since work has a chokehold on my life and when i am free i get too anxious to be online so i’ve just been a wreck :(#so IDK i guess this is all to say: thank you to the folks who stuck around on this account for my louis <3#i don't expect to be around much this month what with all the Spooky Season festivities but this acct is the best place to find me for now#*【 ❛I'm not the spirit of any age. ❜ 】 ➤ OOC
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#// depression and anxiety and adhd and being on the spectrum is so much fun#// because right now not only do i feel like a shitty person but like a shitty rp partner as well#// and like i'm alienated from the whole fandom#// the little social outcast from highschool everybody bullies and those are not fun memories#// because there's people having such wonderful things going and conversations and all and i want that too but social anxiety is a bitch#// and i know that there's nobody out to get me or has anything against me but my mind's just in the gutter#// not to mention that it feels like everything i write is so damn out of character and that peoiple lose interest because of it#// which is why i've been taking a break from tumblr with the occasional attempt to spark the muse but nothing works#// and i don't know what to do anymore#𝐫𝐡𝐞𝐚'𝐬 𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ― out of character
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i drew him again
this is my headcannon of scriabin as a kid haha
#vargas#scriabin vargas#Zarla-S#i gave him a tooth gap because it felt accurate#also freckles#i love drawing him with his eyes visible#i love him so much#i just can't hate him i don't even know why#he's such an asshole but i don't care#he's probably just arguing with edgar#i feel like they would fight a lot#like physical fights#i'm so obsessed with vargas help me#this is not even funny anymore#why do i keep adding tags#adding useless tags is fun tbh#i liked the sketch better than the actual drawing so i added it too#is this fandom still alive#does vargas even have a fandom#sunny's art
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Honestly, making gifsets for a game that had almost none at all has me all giddy. It feels like coloring a gigantic wallpaper in peace.
#forspoken really gave me back the feels of why i once started making gifs#i mean the fandom isn’t big but honestly? it’s been so healthy for me? not caring about the notes so much anymore#or the pressure by having to gif something as fast as possible or else you're too late stupid arse vibe?#plus the tags of people are so full with passion? and genuine and it gives me life#it’s so good#i'm actually enjoying it again#mistress blabbling
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Guys, I have to admit something. You may think less of me because of it and I understand if you leave, but felt it best to be upfront with it than not.
I...was in the Hetalia fandom. I know a tragedy. It's been years since I moved on. I was really in the fandom during 2015/2016, which dwindled in 2017. I wrote and read fics for that fandom, drew fanart that I never posted online and never will, and made ocs. I've become a better person since then, but I cannot say that present me wouldn't be where I am today without it. I cosplayed one character from the show, Iceland and had casually worn his fit to school. I wasn't a part of that side of the fandom, I didn't even know about it until years later.
I have since grown to know that the show is extremely problematic and harmful and have since distanced myself from it and the fandom. I thank the it for the few short-term friends I had made through it and the Wattpad dms, but I will continue to bash the show if ever brought up in conversation.
For those who read all of this, thank you. Also, this is meant to be a joke. I feel that fandoms people were a part of when they were kids don't define a person for who they are today or even a fandom someone was in over 5 years ago. Like I was a fan of Blood Lad in that same time period, thought it was so cool; My partner and I watched it this year and it was funny, but in a 'it's so bad it's funny' way. People grow and they change. I'm not the same person I was 2 years ago, much less 5.
#mossy thoughts#this is meant to be humerous#Like I hate the show now#That's serious#But I was a pretty dumb kid when it came to anime#If you see me complaining about rewriting a Dark Link x Reader fic in the future#That was dumb kid me who wrote it and would much rather put it behind me#But noooo I had to jokingly promise myself that when 69k I would rewrite it#All because commented about how if I hated it so much why don't I rewrite it#Note the story is at 68.9k and I am very scare#I want to put it behind me#I'm not really apart of LoZ fandom anymore#I want to escape#But it haunts me as my most popular story on Wattpad#Also if you find the account because I've posted a link to chapter on it before and you stare a little too hard at one of the stories#Just know it will never be updated again#the never be updated again can apply to multiple stories#the Ben Drowned one does still contain the possibility to one day be updated and hopefully able to leave the cringe anime references behind
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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again
#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but#i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries#and it just made me miss it so much#+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore#like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that#but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too#so i'm kind of at a loss here#tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up#i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right#i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries#that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way#aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that#also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while#like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that#but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut#ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there#do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me#and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here#that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this#longing feeling to start again lol#hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows
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