#I'm not sure if she sells them online I got her in person!

[yugimoto]

look at this beautiful mari lwyd I got over the weekend! (artist link)

[hedgehog-moss]

Salut madame hedgehog moss!

Maintenant je me prépare à déménager à une toute petite ville au nord-est des États Unis près de la frontière avec Nouveau Brunswick (donc une ville peu peuplée et très rurale). Maintenant j'habite dans une grande ville alors je suis certaine qu'il y aura un peu de décalage au début. Je sais que t'as déménager de Paris vers une très petite village donc peut être tu as des conseils pour comment je peux m'intégrer dans une telle communauté?

Désolé pour des fautes de grammaire. Le français n'est pas ma langue maternelle.

Hi! Your French is really good! :)

I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask for advice on how to fit in with a small rural community, as I chose to live in the woods a few km away from the nearest village because I moved to the countryside in search of solitude. I only leave my lair for groceries once every ten days or so—I'm on a solid "easy friendly small talk" basis with most locals, but I'm only better acquainted with a handful of them, the ones I interact with regularly by force of circumstance (the librarian because I'm a devoted library-goer, the postwoman, the farmer who owns the pasture next to mine...) and that's a level of integration in the community I'm happy with.

I suppose the main thing is to show curiosity and appreciation for the local way of life, rather than expect to live exactly the way you did in the city, but the specifics of what this entails vary a lot depending on locality. Participating in the local small economy, if there is one, is good—I try to attend the yearly events and fairs at the village, like the potter's market; I bought a jumper from the wool shop in town rather than ordering something online, and I buy fruit at the summer market and seedlings for my garden, and some cheeses, from the local farms that sell them, rather than getting stuff from the supermarket even though it would often be more convenient. But I'm glad there are still family farms and local artisans so it's important to support them. There's also a thriving informal gift economy in my village, I offer eggs from my chickens and homemade jams or syrups and later down the line neighbours reciprocate with seedlings or firewood, etc, the more you'll participate in this sort of thing (if it exists) the more connections you'll make.

Another thing re: being appreciative of the local way of life—I know the city people who are disliked around here are the ones who buy land and use it like they would a suburban plot, e.g. build a swimming-pool, mow the grass, remove all 'weeds' indiscriminately (I know brambles are annoying but birds nest in there and eat the berries, you've got to leave some...), or cover their dirt road with asphalt instead of just shovelling some gravel when it gets muddy, etc. Again the specifics vary depending on locality, but people are attached to their local landscapes and way of doing things and as someone who owns some land and has seen the way locals reacted to other people who bought land around here, you're clearly perceived differently if you have a spirit of maintaining and repairing and appreciating the place for what it is, rather than remodelling and innovating and adapting it to what you want it to be.

Also you've got to accept that it can take a very long time to become part of a close-knit community, and try not to take things personally—I remember someone commenting on one of my posts a few years ago that she felt rejected by the people in her village because she was still seen as an outsider, and not allowed to take part in the organisation of some local events, several years after moving there. I wouldn't see not getting to help organise an event as a hostile behaviour towards me, I don't really expect to be included on every level, if locals feel like some things are for people who've lived here their whole lives, okay. I know rural communities are not the most diverse places and I'm not saying to accept discrimination due to bigotry of any kind, but in terms of "being kept out of some things or treated differently because you're not from this specific place", I do see it as something to be accepted. If I'm still seen as a city person and an outsider twenty years from now, so be it, as long as people aren't outright rude about it. I don't think of not being welcome to everything as rude, there are just boundaries that exist and so be it. I'm not saying someone would be wrong for being hurt by this type of exclusion, just that it helps to have this "don't take it personally" attitude when moving to a rural village.

Having a llama also really helps! The only reason I got acquainted with lots of local people in my first year here was because Pampe kept running away and I kept having to knock on people's doors with like a photo of her and go hi, have you seen this criminal. And then people would stop me at the grocery shop or something two weeks later like, did you end up finding your criminal? And I'd complain about her and they'd sympathise and tell me about their own annoying animals. I can't recommend animal misdemeanours enough as a source of friendly mutual understanding with rural neighbours.

Oh and speaking of complaining—another obvious way to integrate in a small community is to fight together against a common enemy. This is anecdotal but last year a state-owned company started to build a metallic structure (I'm trying not to be too specific) outside the village and it spoilt the landscape a bit, and I hesitated to grumble about it when making small talk because I was half-expecting to come across as an annoying city person, complaining about aesthetics while local people's livelihoods would be improved by this thing—but not at all, people also hated the look of it and were like "they hardly even consulted local authorities on this, they think we don't get to have an opinion on what our land looks like" and we went to the town hall to complain and the mayor agreed with us and eventually we complained enough that the company replaced the metal parts with wooden ones, so it at least looks more natural and more discreet in the landscape. It was very satisfying to come together and have this happen, and I never felt more integrated in the local community than when I was in the town hall complaining with everybody else.

[thebrawlerina]

I need chester, Mandy, and berry headcanons because I’m too lazy to see if you have already posted them

I actually HAVEN'T made a post about these three, even on my previous account! So lets do this!

I'll go over each of them individually since their dynamic is pretty obvious in their animations.

Candyland Trio HC's

Chester HCs

Chester joined the park by signing up to work at the soon to be established Candyland Area. His antics and pranks ended up winning the hearts of both the customers and management, so he got a brawler position, to Mandy's chagrin.

Chester ran a youtube channel before he joined the park. It has all kinds of stuff in there, from food reviews, pranks, and vlogs. Even after he accepted the job at the park and became a brawler, he still keeps up with his videos. It focuses more on the park life and battles now, but hes got a bigger fanbase since.

He has an iron stomach. If theres anyone whos willing to try the most off the wall and disgusting dishes and also someone who wont keel over from bad cooking, its Chester.

Chester has a hunch that hes related to some of the other redheads in the park. Right now he thinks hes either Max's or Draco's cousin. The less said about Colt the better.

Chester is among the taller teens in the park, something he likes to lord over by keeping things out of others reach.

If Chester isnt wearing his bells, he can actually be quite sneaky.

Even though hes a prankster, he *usually* doesnt aim to cause bodily harm. If something crazy is going on when a prank spirals out of control, he'd at least try to fix it instead of booking it for the exit.

Chester is Bi with a big preference for guys.

Chester may have had tiny crushes on his coworkers at some point. But he isn't dating either of them and has since gotten over them.

Chester is exactly one month older than Mandy and often tries to pull the 'Im older' card on her. This has a 50% chance of working at any time.

Even outside of battle, Chester likes to wear a hat. He claims he feels naked without one.

Mandy HCs

Mandy was always a pretty entrepreneurial person. Even from a young age, she knew she wanted to set up her own business and get rich (and maybe famous) from it.

Mandy's Candy was actually a home business in its conception. Mandy was passionate about making sweets and sold her homemade treats online and in a few select stands.

One day, she got the chance to actually sell stuff inside Starr Park (some outside food concessionaires do exist in Park Premises) and it was a big hit! Almost sold out immediately. After a few more days of successful sales, she was approached by the management on sponsoring her candy making business and making her a brawler in the park. She couldn't refuse.

The whole candy kingdom design was her idea. Though she was honestly just expecting a storefont designed like a castle, not a full area of the park. But she will admit, it makes her feel very special.

Even though most of what Mandy sells are the typical sweet treats, shes actually a fan of all kinds of candies. Even ones with bizzare flavor profiles. Shes also a fan of sour candies.

Mandy is questioning. Shs not exactly sure or what she likes, but shes willing to experiment some to figure things out.

There are actual defensive turrets in the candy land castle. Some kids are vicious and she needs to protect her stock!

She thinks Chester is like the brother she never had, since she herself is an only child.

She kind of relates and sympathizes with Berry so shes not too hard on the guy. Besides hes the best worker shes got!

Mandy admires and is a bit jealous of Piper. Her elegance and poise is something she could only dream of being. Also Piper knows how to make and all of her attempts were total flops.

Berry HCs

I'm still debating if Berry is a human or a horse-headed minotaur in my HCs. If hes a horse-headed minotaur, he just wears the suit cause he refuses to get his actual skin and mane dyed.

The original suit was meant to look a bit baggy and dumpy, but Berry's build filled it up very well. Almost too well. His arms couldn't fit in the original suits arms. Management didnt want to make a new suit for him so they just cut off the original arms. Chester jokes that he 'flexed the sleeves off' which Berry doesnt mind.

Berry was in rock bottom when he took the job at Starr Park. He was willing to do and accept anything to keep himself afloat. Hes still not sure how he got promoted to the rank of Brawler, but at least he doesnt have to worry about his past situation. His present situation on the other hand...

He likes his job and his co-workers, but he also feels like he ages 20 years when he remembers that both Chester and Mandy are in their late-teens/early twenties. Partially cause hes reminded of how old he is compared to them, but also cause their antics are really giving him grey hairs under his suit.

His name is Barry dammnit! Some people start using his name correctly, but no matter what he tries he cant get the management to change his name in all the official releases. At least hes not the only one!

Berry knows how to breakdance, and he did it a lot as a kid. Even now that hes older, hes still got the moves to wow everyone.

Berry is fond of both Doug and Lou. The three of them work in the Velosorapids pools in summer. He finds them much more calming to deal with than his trio mates.

Berry likes ice cream but tends to get brain freeze too quickly. Hes honestly happy with any flavor you throw at him.

Berry is pretty sure he knows Bull from somewhere, but the man's attitude throws him off. Hes just extra cautious not to show his face around him, just in case that odd familiarity was because of something bad.

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 3

♡ Summary: Carmy actually has allowed himself FRIENDS?? Also- he gets to have like.. a normal day with Syd somewhat, outside of work, hanging out with people who aren't in any way involved w/ the restaurant.

♡ W/C: 6,919

♡ Posted Date: 04/08/2024

♡ A/N: Hayo ;D Here is C3 of Blue Lotus!!! I am v much like Carmy & got a alot of amusement AND enjoyment writing this chapter, so that makes my brain tell me I took it too OOC & I haaate writing these 2 OOC. So if its OOC I'm sorry, but at least it's funny LOL. The story Shayna tells is lightly based on Euphoria But the college version - so if you've seen it that's why it feels a little familiar - if you haven't seen it its a same vibe except high school so the father is much, much more disgusting. But I looove writing Shayna so much, I have friends like her & they are always the personalities to make you laugh until youre sore the next day - & Syd & Carmy deserves a friend like that so I gave them one! Without further ado, I hope you enjoy <3 As per usual this fic is inspired by Tucson that can be read here It was written by my lovely friend @gingergofastboatsmojito please be sure to read that one before you read Blue Lotus, also do give Ginger a follow!!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Talks of ; a near physical assault, blood, sex, transphobia/outing, self inflicted wounds, actually contains; smoking cigarettes/weed, drinking alcohol, vomiting, swearing

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

“Hey! Im Sydney- sure! We were uh…we were gonna cook- do you wanna join? I just got back from the store” she got up, shaking her hand. 

“Totally -  my god this necklace! Where did you get it?” Shayna asked, leaning in and looking at the pendant “and you smell so good, lavender?” She said. 

“I thrifted it! I love thrifting. Carm does too- does it so much he has to keep extra jeans in his oven.. oh! And yeah this perfume it’s inside. I’ll show it to you” Syd replied happily. 

“Your oven?” Jesse asked Carm 

“Yeah uh.. not enough space- um Syd these are my…” he trails off 

“Friends. Were his friends- therapy friends I guess. I mean I hope he holds his word and texts me when we get out of here” Shayna nudged Carm’s shoulder gently. 

He cleared his throat “yeah- uh-my friends. Shayna and Jesse.” He said shyly. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you guys, have you ever had deer? They sell it at the grocery store here, harder to get in Chicago. I figured we’d try this recipe I thought up a while ago” she opened the door to the cabin and Jesse and Shana went inside making themselves at home right away. 

This wasn’t the first time they’d hung out, they would do this a few times a week before dinner and then sit and eat together before going back to their respective cabins for the night. 

“Never had deer before - aren’t you guys like super chefs or-“ Jesse is interrupted by Shayna’s whining 

“Carmen you still haven’t asked for a wifi box?!” She asked annoyed, putting her phone back in the pocket of her cargo jeans.  

“No I haven’t because I don’t need one I’m not addicted to Instagram or whatever the fuck” Carmy said, taking the door for Syd and she headed in, him following suit. 

“Oh yeah I forgot Carmy the little old man who likes to hide away from the online world- you look like you take fire Instagram pictures, how do you deal with that loser all the time?” She asked Syd jokingly, leaning against the counter and watching as she pulled various ingredients from the fridge. 

Syd laughed a bit, a big smile on her face as she moved around looking through various cabinets. “I do…um- Chef-“ she said and he sat up from where he was leaning against the kitchen doorframe 

“Where do you need me?” He asked her 

“Onions medium dice if you can manage the knives here suck” she took out one of the small knives they kept for him in the drawer and set it on the cutting board as she began to pick the rosemary, putting the sprigs in a bowl. 

“What the fuck is that” Shayna picked up a mortar with a deep black goop at the bottom. 

“Juniper berries…found a juniper tree when I was hanging outside. Made sure it’s the right kind so don’t be worried” Syd said and Carmen couldn’t help the small smile that curled his lips. 

“You found a juniper, and you just.. remembered this recipe?” Carmen asked, chopping the onions as skillfully as if he hadn’t been out of the kitchen a single day. 

“Thats hot” Shayna says “you’re hot as hell bitch! Oh my god! You just saw a tree and were like ‘let me make up this super cute berry deer coquette dish’ ” she said, causing Syd, her, and Jesse to crack up, but Carmen was lost. 

“The fuck is a coquette?” He asked, causing Syd to laugh harder when Shayna said between giggles 

“I told you! He’s so old!!!” She squeaked, leaning against the counter and wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. 

“Coquette is like… Marina and the Diamonds on Vinyl, pink bow, fairy princess, Sydney in the woods picking juniper berries aesthetic it’s like..a vibe.” Shayna explained.

“Oh my god- it’s a girl thing carm it’s like. I dunno- like pink frilly shit and like- Lacy shit?” Jesse tried to explain. 

Carm raised his brows, scraping the now cut onions into a bowl. “So Syd picking berries what does that have to do with- what did you say- pink bows?” Carm questioned and Shayna rolls her eyes. 

“It’s the vibe Carmen, the vibe. Ugh you are no fun I can already tell Sydney is the fun one. What music do you listen to?” Shayna sat up next to Syd on the counter as she dusted the board with flour and started to cut the meat into chunks. 

“I listen to…well- a lot. My mom loved R&B so I still listen to that but mostly 90s stuff that makes me think of her, I love SZA, HER, Jhené Aiko, oh Kali Uchis! Khelani of course… frank ocean is so fire I really like his stuff too..yeah just a lot of stuff.” She explained. 

Carm sat there digesting every word she said, it wasn’t unusual for him to do that. He tried tucking the unfamiliar names in the back of his mind so he could look them up or ask Shayna what she knew about them later. 

“Oh my god- we have to chill sometime!! Do you smoke?” Shay asked hopefully and Syd looked at Carm for a moment before her eyes flickered back to Shayna. 

“I do. But…not when I’m working. Because it fucks up my taste and smell..but I am on vacation so…” she said with a small shrug and a smile. 

“Dude! Oh my god Jesse cmon I need to go back to my cabin” she got down off the counter “I’ll be right back” she said and they headed out being sure to close the door behind them. 

“They’re fucking?” Syd asked and Carmen laughed a bit 

“No- no. Where’d you get that?” He asked, beginning to peel the carrots over the garbage can. 

“Why did he go with her? Aren’t the cabins all right here?” She asked. 

Carmen looked up at her for a moment “oh- yeah. They are. Shay has somethin about being alone. Somethin about her childhood- she came here because she said it’s like…the good version of where her dad sent her. Whatever that means. But she can’t be out and about alone it freaks her out. I guess she went to some… wilderness camp? She went on about it in one of our sessions. They were…they were fucked up.” He said, putting the now peeled carrot down on the cutting board and starting on the next. 

“Shit.” She said, putting the cast iron on the burner, starting the flame with the lighter that she’d found on the counter. “Like…so they left her in the middle of nowhere or something?” She asked and Carmy shrugged. 

“Kinda like that. She said that they like…would hike all day. And then at night they’d have to pitch their own tents. They took their shoes at night so they wouldn’t try and run. They’d like- send pictures back to their family- and if they didn’t smile they’d get in trouble. Pretty fuckin…sadistic shit t’do to a kid. Dunno how her dad thought it would change her ways - she said she went because their views on religion didn’t align…” he explained 

“Wow…” she said, after a long beat of silence “she’s like..I wouldn’t have expected her to be so friendly after that. I wouldn’t be” she said, salting down the meat. 

“Yeah Shayna is…a character. For sure. But she’s really sweet, and has a huge heart even though she loves to bitch people out. She’d cut someone if they tried to fuck with me, though. One of the newcomers showed me that” he chuckled, shaking his head a bit. 

“What happened?” She asked

“So we were at lunch, and before that day we just..sat at the same table but didn’t really talk. She talked, but I would mostly listen. And um, this new dude. Justin? I think? Total fuckhead. Guys a tank too, like fuckin’ 6’2? No joke. But uh he was like basically screaming at his table, talkin’ so fuckin’ loud, so I looked over- and he met my eyes and just went off hes like ‘you got a problem little man? What the fuck is up with you, you got a staring problem?’ And Shayna- you should have seen her!” He laughs at the memory. 

“What’d she do?” Syd asks curiously. 

“Oh, she picked up her mashed potatoes- like - a fist full of mashed potatoes Syd- bare handed- and screeeamed at him ‘YOU WANNA FUCK WITH HIM COCKSUCKER?! WHY DON’T YOU COME FUCK WITH A BITCH THAT CAN ACTUALLY LOOK YOU IN THE EYE, SCAREDY MOTHERFUCKER!’  then whipped it at the dude. It hit him right in the face- eeeeveryone was dying we were all cracking the fuck up. I haven't seen him again after that, thankfully, but then she just looked at me and asked me for my plastic knife so she could get the potatoes from under those huge nails she wears and went to wash her hands like nothing happened.” He explained. 

Syd laughs and Carm follows suit. “Wow. Well I guess I shouldn’t worry about you after all- you found a temporary big sister, you should keep her around. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who would pelt another in the face with mashed potatoes for me” she snorts a laugh, setting the meat in the pan. 

“I would. Without a shadow of a doubt, when Marcus was yelling at you I wanted to fuckin knock him out with a pan-“ he stopped himself and she looked over at him, the only sound now filling the room being the sizzling of venison on cast iron and the tick of the wall clock. 

She blinked a few times, unsure what to say before the memory of the drawing came back to her. 

Just say it now. Why else would he want to hit one of his employees with a pan if not for feelings he hasn’t made me aware of?

She’d thought to herself. 

But Carmen on the other hand was thanking god that Shayna and Jesse came back, boisterous as ever- 

“Pookiesss We come bearing gifts” Shayna drops a bag on the table, as well as a pink speaker that was playing some Spanish music Carmen hadn’t ever heard before. 

“You listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd asks as she turns around. 

“YOU Listen to bad bunny?” Jesse asks and Syd smiles big 

“Who doesn’t listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd laughed “he’s like- literally I think the most listened to Spotify artist or something? Top 3?!” 

“Who is bad bunny?” Carmen asks as he cut the carrots into matchsticks. 

“You need to train your dogs better, Sydney” Shayna teased, taking shooters of grey goose out of her tote bag and putting them in the freezer. 

Syd laughs so hard she snorts, covering up her mouth with her hand and shaking her head. “You are fucking insane” she said 

Carmen smiled big, looking over at Syd. “Chef, did you just snort?” He teased smugly and set his knife down, leaning against the counter next to her, smirking. 

“I did- because your friend thinks you’re my bitch” she teased, turning back to the meat and flipping each cube carefully with the metal tongs that were next to her on the counter. 

Carmen’s mouth drops and his cheeks go scarlett, Shayna snorts a laugh, sitting at the table casually, legs crossed as she picked the stems and seeds off buds of weed, while Jesse howls with laughter. “Fuuuck-“ he shakes his head with amusement “wow. I uh…” he snorts a laugh “I get you Carmen. Get you better now” he said. 

“Okay- fuck you shayna” Carmen shook his head, unable to contain his smile. He’d never heard Syd laugh so hard before and witnessing it made him feel on fire. 

“Sorry I can tell who wears the pants it’s a natural talent of mine” she shrugged, “Jess come do this” she slid the little container of picked apart buds over to the spot next to her and he sits next to her at the table. 

“So you guys aren’t..like you’ve not known eachother before this?” Syd asks them. 

“Oh! No we did actually. Jess and I met at this program when we were 14, restart. It was a pure chance though that we come here at the same time.” She said and got up, washing her hands in the kitchen sink of the sticky resin. 

“That’s so cool - where are you from?” Syd asked her as she takes the bowl of onions from next to Carm at the island, their hands brushing for a moment which caused Carmen to nearly cut himself because his focus was completely lost at her touch. 

“Were from LA. Aren’t you from Chicago? Why are you here? I mean- like it’s great you’re great I’m glad to have a sane member of society around, it’s refreshing when you’re only around only psychos, you know? But uh..” she laughed a bit when Syd got started “you must be…pretty close friends” she looked at Carm for a moment before looking back at her. 

Carmen suddenly felt something akin to anger sitting low in his chest. And it had to do with Shayna. He likes Shayna, so he wasn’t sure what was going on. But, Jesse saw the switch in Carmen- and read it right away as jealousy. 

“Uh…” Syd clears her throat nervously, suddenly not knowing what to say. 

“Like what is it? Jess? We went to restart in Wisconsin so Chicago? How far is that?” She asks. 

Jesse gave her the cut it out eyes, but Shayna hadn’t been able to play matchmaker in weeks, she was gonna push these two together the same way she made her Barbie’s kiss when she was a kid. 

“I’ll guess like - 1800 miles. Soooo- oh! And don’t you have that restaurant?” She asked and Syd nods. 

“Mmhmm we run it together. It’s fine though it’s being held down, I finally got my new Sous trained and his sister is working a lot lately she wants to get everything all together before she has her baby so…” she rambled on, trying to pull out any reason that made it sound like she was unneeded there - even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

“Right. I’m gonna go smoke would you like to come? I’m sure your…” she looks back at Carmen for a moment before looking back at Sydney “partner can hold this down until we get back?” She asked and looked at Carmen again, raising her brows. 

“Yeah- yeah Syd go. Go ahead go relax - got this chef.” He nods and went over to the stove, squeezing past her in the tight space, his hand brushing her waist momentarily as he did so. 

“Okay- okay sure” Syd nodded, following Shayna outside. She walked quietly for a few moments, lighting the joint and taking a drag before handing it over to Syd. 

They were about 30 feet from the house, Syd was taking a deep drag of the joint - savoring the taste since she couldn’t do it often, when Shayna said 

“You need to fuck eachothers brains out so he can go the fuck home. That- or tell him it’ll never happen so he can stay here for however long it takes him to break down and move on” 

Sydney choked on the smoke in her throat, quickly handing the burning joint back to Shayna and coughing into her arm. 

Shayna laughs before taking another drag, patting Sydney’s back sympathetically. “Sorry- people have told me I’m too blunt but I’d rather hear the truth so I give it to people straight” she said simply. 

“Dude! What if he heard you! Shhh!” Sydney said once she caught her breath. 

“Oh please! No! He didn’t! And if he did- he’d be leaned halfway out the door trying to hear the answer because he’s dying to know! You know he has the hots for you- please- don’t play stupid, girl” She rolled her eyes, handing the joint back over. 

“What - no- he’s- we’re business partners” Syd replied, shaking her head and taking a short drag. “He doesn’t. He’s just sick and clinging to me he’s - he’s depressed and I’m violating HIPAA or whatever by saying that but it’s honest! I’m not his type” She passed it back over to Shayna. 

She took it, laughing at her HIPAA comment “Chefs aren’t bound to HIPAA regulations, but nonetheless- I’ll be honest for you, since you can’t be honest with yourself. You flew here because you want to fuck him. There’s no other explanation- no not even just fuck- you love the guy. Why else would you fly across the country to be with him? Especially when he’s due home in 11 days. No dick is that great, especially attached to a guy on that many psych meds.” She said and took a long drag. 

Sydney’s heart began racing 100 miles an hour. She stopped walking, leaning against the fence, feeling like all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. She imagined this is how Carmy felt when Stardust threw him off. 

“Are you- what in the Hozier Adele ass fuck. You didn’t know? Or - realize- the L word? That you love him?” Shayna said, taking another drag of the joint. 

Sydney stared at the forest ahead, resting her hand on her forehead, shaking her head. “Fuck. Fuck. Oh fuck.” She swallowed hard. “Um-uh I- I feel sick? I feel- I’m gonna throw up.” Syd said, standing up and quickly walking over to the large oak tree at the end of the rows of cabins, hurling up the remainders of her lunch which was just a McDonald’s burger she’d gotten on her way back from the grocery store. 

“Jesus Christ. It’s you too? What are you waiting for?” Shay followed after her, rubbing her back gently  

“What do you mean-“ She’s interrupted by a gag she couldn’t hold back. “Fuck. What do you mean what’s me too?” She asked, coughing and spitting the bile taste in her mouth on the ground before leaning against the tree to catch her breath. 

“Like- you and him both don’t even realize you’re in love. It’s weird as fuck. It’s usually one person chasing - but you guys are secretly chasing eachother? But also at the same time trying I dunno. One of you has to make a move though” she said, leaning on the tree next to Syd. 

“What if he’s just sick? What if he’s clinging to me because he’s sick and…and I’m like manipulating him” she asked nervously 

“Ahh yes because you are manipulating a grown man into not breathing when he sees you? You can do that? Can you teach me? Except I’ll use it to kill creeps” she nudged Syds shoulder, finally earning a smile back out of her. 

“He doesn’t do that…” she looked at the ground sheepishly

“When we get back, I’m gonna count out loud because the oblivious fuck hears no one when you’re around, and watch he won’t be breathing. I swear it’s like the first thing I noticed looks like a fuckin fish out of water.” She said and finished the joint, stomping it out with her shoe. “Shall we put my experiment to the test?” She asks and Syd rolls her eyes. 

“I wanna see what’s going on with the food let’s go” she smiled a bit, heading back with Shayna to the cabin.  

It only took them 4 minutes back, Shayna walks in first and Carm’s head pops up from his conversation with Jesse at the counter, and as soon as Syd pops in behind her- Shayna quietly starts whispering “one…two…three…four..-OW!” She squeaks as Syd kicks her ankle just enough to hurt. 

That was enough to break Carm out of his trance “hey- hey- how was your walk, y’okay? You look…I dunno” he came up to her, feeling Syds cheek with the back of his hand “y’flushed…” he said and she pulled away from his touch, feeling embarrassed. 

“I’m fine” she said, walking back to the stove and making sure the meat was okay. “What did you do with the beef stock?” She asked, looking over the counter. 

Carmy swallowed thickly “uh- sorry, sorry. Here” he went to where he put it in the cabinet and handed it to her. “We…we good?” he asked quietly. 

“We’re good. Get the juniper berries please.” She said without meeting his gaze and opened the stock, pouring some in the pan. 

Shayna giggles and Carm looks back at where she and Jesse were sat at the table, Jesse making a circle with his thumb and forefinger and thrusting his other finger in and out of it, alluding to their sexual tension lacing the room. 

“Oh you are children.” Carmen grumbles, grabbing a beer from the fridge and rolling his eyes “want one- dipshit? Cabin check is tomorrow they all need to be gone” he said and Jesse nodded with a smug smile. 

“You love your crazy camp besties pookie!!! Don’t play games cause your cool chef friend is around” Shayna said, getting up and going to the freezer, taking out 2 shots. 

“Syd?” She asked and Sydney turns around, looking at the shots in her hand. 

“Uh- why not. Sure. Just one” she said, taking one of them and cracking it open. 

“Cheers” Shayna says, clinking her shooter with Syds 

“To?” Syd asked. 

“New beginnings” Shayna said simply before tilting her head back and swallowing the shot in one gulp.

“That was the best fucking food I’ve ever eaten. Have you guys ever been told you should open a restaurant?” Jesse teased, helping Carmen clear the empty dishes from table. 

“Wow you really should pursue stand up, Jess” Carmy said with a small smile, collecting the 4 disposable cups they used for wine and throwing them away. 

“You know who would fuckin love her Carm?” Syd motions to Shayna 

“Who?” He mused, rolling up his sleeves and starting the hot water on the sink. 

“Richie. They’d be menaces together but they’d be best friends!” Syd laughs a bit and Carmen gasps 

“Richie!!! Yes! They would- but- Oh my god how is he? I literally- fuck. I’m so shitty I haven’t even really…like been thinkin about everyone back home other then like you and I- I guess sugar” Carmen said. 

Jesse and Shayna gave eachother a ‘we’ll discuss this romcom fuckshow later’ look, before giggling amongst themselves. 

“He’s- he’s Richie. He’s never gonna let me stabbing him go. Every time I tell him to do something he’s like ‘right away chef wouldn’t wanna get stabbed’ - he’s scaring the new hires, carm!” She giggled in the way that made his heart flutter like butterflies were smacking it with their wings. “And he keeps calling me cousin by mistake!! It’s getting ..really weird” she shook her head, sitting down at the table. 

“You stabbed a motherfucker?” Shayna asked impressed. 

Carmen laughed a bit “on accident” he told her 

“Doesn’t mean it didn’t feel good he was grating my last nerve that day. But I mean…he’s okay so I’m not that bad for thinking it” she smiled and Carmen laughed, scrubbing the plates with the sponge. 

“I would have stabbed this motherfucker but I just did one better and made everyone afraid to fuck with me. Everyone thinks this was a result of my attempt but it’s not.” Shayna showed off a long scar on her forearm, partially covered by a large dragon tattoo. 

“You did that to yourself?” Syd asked, slightly impressed but mostly a little scared, her finger gently rubbing up the raised scar. 

“Mmhmm. In college. I went to this party, this guy-“ she shook her head with a small, mischievous smile. “So he comes in the kitchen, he’s acting like a fucking bull so of course I’m staring at the weirdo, right? He looks at me- and he goes what the fuck are you looking at, bitch. And I was new, so I didn’t know it was his house. So I was like I’m looking at some meathead loosing his temper like a toddler, what the fuck are you looking at. And he just asks me who I am- and…” she sits back “I didn’t know anyone? Like…I went there to meet people. So I was like oh I’m Shayna and he just starts screaming ‘who the fuck is Shayna, does anyone at this party know a fucking Shayna?’ And he was like in my face. So I told him I was like I’m not trying to start anything here I’m minding my business back up and he goes ‘no one that looks like you is minding their own business’ and then he- he told me he knew what I was.” She said and shrugged.

 “ And that I just wanted attention. And that he would give me the attention I was looking for. And then? He told everyone in the kitchen that someone better speak for me or he was gonna fuck me up.- so, I grabbed a knife from the counter, and he backed up like a pussy and was like ‘I’m kidding! I’m kidding it’s a joke I’m fucking with you!’ And I asked him if he wanted to hurt me, and he kept saying no - even though I knew he was getting ready to kick the shit out of me, probably worse. So I slit my arm, and bled on him. Then I left. And no one ever tried to out me there again.” She said and sipped her beer. 

“You’re gay?” Sydney asked curiously. 

“Yeah but that’s- Jesus Christ these Chicagoans” she said, and her and Jesse started laughing. 

“What? What’s funny?” Syd sat up. 

“she’s-“ Carmen starts

“AHT!” Shayna tisks “no, Carmen, we got to make fun of you for a month now we get to make fun of her until she figures it out. I think you’re smarter though, socially speaking” She said and Carmen gives her the finger, causing her to laugh. 

“Oh- ohhhh! Wow! I wonder how he thought he could tell” Syd said and Carmen looks back at her. 

“Really?! How did you figure it out so fast?!” He asked her 

Syd laughs “oh because it’s the 2020’s and if someone says they were outed and it’s not about being gay, there’s only one other thing to out” she said and Carm huffs, annoyed with his own pitfalls of refusing to make friends his first 30 years. 

“Yeah how would he know? I didn’t know” Carm asked her and she smiled big, looking at Jesse. 

“It was fucked. Up. What you did. But if you wanna tell them? Gooo ahead.” He said with a smile, drying the dishes as Carm washed and rinsed them. 

Shayna laughs excitedly, sitting up and pushing her long blonde hair back. “Okay, so. I end up finding out who this guy is, right? And apparently…his dad who was the football coach was like- DL- into trans girls- “ Carm interrupts 

“What does that mean?” He asked her 

“DL? Down low, like- they fuck us in private” she explained and Carmen scrunched his brows in confusion 

“Why?” He asked and Shayna looked at him confused. 

“Because…they think it’s gay?” She said like it was obvious, but to Carmen, it wasn’t. 

“But… Y’re a girl. So how would it be gay?” He asked 

“I’ll give you a ‘how humans interact with eachother’ lesson later, Carmen, for now it’s story time” she teased.

 “Anyway-“ she continued “so I find this out, because I look up his name on Facebook - see his dad tagged, and I fly to Grindr- because I swore I literally saw him there. Turns out I had. So I send him a chat, we hit it off, I go fuck him-“ she said, Syd starts laughing, Carm turns around with wide jaw eyes and a dropped jaw. 

“Like- oh I fuuuuucked that man. Multiple times. He didn’t fuck me- let me say that again for your cis ears to have it sink in, I fucked- this man’s father” she said - Carmen’s jaw drops further, and Jesse was howling with laughter at Syd and Carmys shocked expressions. 

“No- no- Shayna- hold on I need a cigarette - Jesse take this shit over” Carmen pulls open the front door, pushing up the glass on the screen door, grabbed his beer and cigarettes from the counter, and sat next to Syd at the table. “Okay keep goin- I’ve never heard this much-“ he shook his head in amusement 

“Tea? I know- it gets better!” Shayna laughs. 

Carmen smirked, shaking his head and taking out a cigarette lighting it between his lips and taking a drag. “So you fucked this man’s dad.” Carmen couldn’t help but laugh at how insane the words sounded coming from his mouth- and Sydney followed suit, head falling back and eyes squeezing shut, Carmen’s heart quickened at the adorable sight, having the urge to reach out and grab her soft, delicate hand that was just a few inches from his own on the tabletop. 

“Oh my god- were taking them with us back to chicago- I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this” Syd said, stealing his beer from next to him and taking a sip. 

The action made Carmen’s heart skip a beat. The fact that she was comfortable drinking out of something his lips had already touched, it drove him wild. They had tried food off of the same spoon at work just so they didn’t have to go through the hassle of washing two, but this felt…different. More intimate. 

“Did you- I’m sorry- did you want one?” He asked “I didn’t think you liked beer - I thought you said you like wine more” he said and she shook her head. 

“We can share…right?” She asked, a bit shyly. She wasn’t sure what made her do it, maybe it was because her white claw had been long forgotten and now was luke warm on the kitchen counter, or maybe it was the few extra shots she’d been convinced into taking earlier that was causing her to take the chat with Shayna to heart. 

“Yeah- course, always.” He nodded a bit. Unnoticed by Syd and Carmy, Jesse and Shayna give eachother another ‘we’re gonna talk about this romcom shit later’ look before Shayna clears her throat. 

“So- yes Carmen, I fucked this man’s father. And multiple times. He was married- I didn’t fully know that though before you both look at me shitty- he didn’t say that -“ Jesse cuts her off 

“Ohhhh- oh! No!!” He laughs “no- the real story- is that she saw a ring but didn’t ask about it - you may now continue” he said, turning back to the sink and rinsing the last of the dishes. 

Carm snorts a laugh “evil. That is evil the man’s marriage! Shayna!” He took a drag of his cigarette and she rolled her eyes. 

“It was already on the rocks- let me finish! You fucks! So then- I recorded it, and I held onto it- just in case. But. Get this- one of my girlfriends on campus? Guess who she ran into on Grindr?” She asks and Carm and Syd both lean in slightly, and Shayna can’t help but notice the way they were already so in sync. 

“The fucking guy from the party” she said and Syd gasps, Carmen cracks up. 

“He’s his fathers spitting image. Thats it. That’s why- that’s why he said that to you. He knows about you or whatever? Because he loves girls like you and is also a pussy.” Syd said and Carm hums in agreement. 

“Exactly! Exactly. So…I had her tell him to meet her in the park- but…” she smirks and Sydney covers her mouth preemptively, knowing whatever was going to say next was going to be off the wall. 

“I was there too- fucking his dad! And oops! he saw us! And I asked him if we should check and see who’s bigger- he dropped out of school the same week- and the dad resigned” she said and took another casual sip of her beer with a proud smirk.

Carmen sits there, dumbfounded, looking to Sydney who when she saw the look on his face cracked up. “Your face-“ she said, causing him to start laughing as well. 

“Shay-“ he looks at her, wiping tears that were gathering in the corners of his eyes from laughing so hard. “Shayna what the fuck” he managed to get out before laughing again, shaking his head. “You are a person that I won’t ever, ever get on your shit list if I can help it” he said, looking over quickly when Syd coughs from laughing so hard 

“Woah- arms up, arms up” he tells her and goes to the fridge, grabbing a water bottle and coming back quickly, opening the cap and handing it to her. She took a large sip. 

“Thank you- sorry- fuck you Shayna you’re gonna kill us both I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh this hard” she said and Shayna smiled 

“Well, that’s a good thing. this guys got a problem with having the dead inside look- at least before you got here” she nudged Carm with her elbow. 

He realized he was still stood, hand protectively on the back of Syds chair looking down at her as if she was the only one in the room. 

“Isn’t that why we’re all here?” Jesse countered, sitting in the empty chair next to Shayna 

“I’m very alive inside- I just get too manic and start destroying my life because it’s something to do” she said and finished off her beer. “I’m already on probation cmon I need to go to my cabin and you aren’t allowed to have fun without me” she told Jesse, standing up and grabbing her bag and speaker. “Nice to meet you, Sydney. And Remember our chat hot stuff” she said as she put her bag on her shoulder. 

“Yeah- we’ll probably run into each other again, I leave Sunday night.” She said, and Carmen’s heart soars. 

He wasn’t sure why, he just thought maybe she’d just fly in for one night to see how he was and then leave the next day, but the fact she was staying a whole other day and a half- and they would be alone. 

“Sick! Okay well we’ll link up tomorrow then, have a goodnight guys - and remember wrap it before you tap it, shortstack!” Shayna said as her and Jesse shut the door behind them and head off. 

Carmen blushed pink, shaking his head. “She’s a hack, but she’s a very nice hack” Carm said, rubbing over his face embarrassedly. 

“They’re super cool Carm. She’s..really fuckin out there but-“ she shrugged looking at the clock. “Oh- shit. Fuck- it is late, I don’t want you to get in trouble” she said, standing up and grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. 

“You- you aren’t um…staying?” He asked and got up, grabbing her backpack she’d brought with her from the kitchen table and bringing it over. 

“Oh well all of my- stuff..” she trailed off, eyes locked on his. They stayed there silent for a moment, and his heart started pounding in his chest so hard he could feel it in his stomach. 

“Uh-“ he started and nervously bit the inside of his lip, he’d been doing that a lot tonight. He was holding his tongue, he always did around her. He didn’t understand it, because unless she was around it was like a part of his brain switched off, and he didn’t have access to speech in the same capacity as when she was near. 

“I- so…I think um- I-“ he stops himself, grabbing his shoulder nervously and averting her gaze. His throat suddenly felt tight, this was it. He either said something, or he let her leave and he stayed up all night thinking about what he should have said when she leaves. 

“Did you draw me?” Sydney asks suddenly. 

Carmen feels his stomach doing flips, his palms got sweaty and all of the color drained from his face. “I-“ he crossed his arm over his chest, tightly gripping his hoodie. He suddenly felt as if he could be sick, “I’m sorry?” It came out sounding like a question. 

Sydney felt insane “you- when-“ she smiled nervously “oh god- Jesus- I- it must be the-“

Carmen cut her off before she could say what would shut his entire course of action that he was trying to lay out down fully before he could attempt to put it into motion. “I meant- I meant I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. Syd. That’s how I meant it. I - you remind me of home.” He said, not breaking her gaze. “And I need a little bit of that, here.” He said softly. 

Syd just nods, holding on to the chair for stability. She wasn’t sure if this conversation was really happening or if she was in some insane dream. She could hardly believe Carmen was expressing himself to her, in a way other then anger or fear. 

“I..I draw you a lot.” He admits, running a nervous hand through his hair. “We do uh- art..art therapy. A few hours every day” 

“Can I…see them? If…if that’s okay?” She questioned. 

The color came back to Carmen’s face full force, he had to be sure whichever sketchbooks he would show her had none of the explicit themed drawings. “Uh- sure. Sure…gimme a sec- I’ll um” he headed to the bedroom, opening the desk drawer and grabbing the bigger sketchbook he usually took to art therapy, the safest one since the therapist would come and look at whatever the patients were working on.  

He quickly flicked through it to make sure, before heading back out to the living room where Syd had sat on the couch when he went to retrieve the sketchbook. “I’m- sorry…sorry if this is like. Weird-“ he said, feeling suddenly Insecure about his hobby that was the reprieve that got him through any of the sleepless nights he had here. 

“No- no its..it’s sweet Carm, can I?” She asked, grabbing the sketchbook in his lap, their hands brushing lightly. He felt that familiar fire in his chest, and nods with a hum of agreement. 

She opened it, eyebrows raising in surprise “they aren’t like-“ he started 

“This is incredible-“ she cut him off and leaned over him, turning on the lamp at his side to get a better look at the portrait he had committed to memory of her smiling. He nearly shivered when her curls brushed his cheek, the smell of the perfume on her neck mixed with the familiar scent of her causing goosebumps to appear over his flesh. 

“I don’t know if I should be offended that you remember the gap in my teeth so well. Because I know for a fact you aren’t on Instagram” she said. He smiled, rolling his eyes slightly 

“It’s one of your nicest qualities” he shrugged a bit. 

“Oh one of them? Are there many?” She smiled, flipping the page.

“I think the question should be if you have any flaws” he said, and her eyes flicked back to his. 

They were now sitting so close that their faces were less then a foot apart. “I think we both know that’s bullshit.” She said 

“To you maybe” his eyes flickered to her lips momentarily. 

“I always catch you doing that” she teased, smiling a bit. 

“Doing what?” He asked, his eyes meeting hers again. 

“I dunno…staring at me..like..” she looks at his lips for a long moment before meeting his gaze once again. 

“Why do you think?” He asked quietly. 

“There are alot of things I can’t seem to figure out about you…Carmy” she said just above a whisper. 

“Well what do you want to know. I’m uh…trying to be more open.” He said equally as soft. 

“Do you know why I really came here?” She asked 

“Because you saw the fuckin drawing, somehow.” He smiled a bit. 

“Yes” she chuckled “but- it just..it kinda confirmed something for me I dunno- I just wanted to come check if maybe-“ 

She’s interrupted by his lips on hers, she was surprised at first, but of course didn’t pull away. He cupped her cheek gently, his thumb rubbing over her supple skin. 

The way their lips moved together was natural, like they’d done this already a thousand times in a hundred lives. His nose gently nudges hers and she wraps her fingers in his dirty blonde curls, tugging gently how she’d fantasized so many times. 

He slid his tongue over her plump bottom lip, humming softly when she opened her mouth at the contact. His hands were nearly shaking. His entire body felt like it was exploding with tiny fireworks underneath his skin. 

The air between them both felt as if it was crackling with electricity. As if the universe was humming in approval that they had finally accepted their bond. 

Sydney had never felt anything so right. She felt as if every stress in her life evaporated, as if her and Carmy were the only 2 people in the world. She felt like she was glowing from the inside out.  “T’make sure I wanted t’do that…right?” He said softly when she pulled away. 

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙

[fatphobiabusters]

Does anyone know where to find 3-4xl tradgoth fatshion? /nf

Sorry if this is the wrong blog to ask

Hi! This isn't the wrong blog to ask! I've separated this answer into parts to make this post easier to read.

Option 1: Independent Artists

I'm not super knowledgeable about where to buy fatshion myself. If I'm not simply buying from Torrid and hoping for the best, I'm probably buying from @mayakern. She's mainly known for her skirts, but she also sells shirts and I think is branching out to even more clothing types. These two skirts of hers may work for a goth aesthetic, and I think one is still available as a miniskirt as well.

A similar store is @freshhotflavors. They have an online store here along with their Tumblr. I haven't personally bought from them, but they work with Maya Kern. I've bought many a skirt from Maya Kern over the years and know her dedication to quality. She also has been very understanding with me about exchanging one of her skirts I accidentally got double of for christmas. So the fact that she works with Fresh Hot Flavors encourages me to trust FHF as well. I believe they sell some of her skirts in maxi length, but they sell a variety of other stuff too!

An artist that FHF works with who seems to make a lot of goth clothing is @vetiverfox. This is their website. I haven't bought from this artist either, but their skirts seem to be similar to Maya Kern's with the sizing, elastic waistband, and type of fabric used. So if their clothes are anything like Maya Kern's, I would give them a shot. Each of these three artists sell skirts that go up to a 6XL (though I think Maya has mentioned having some skirts that go up to 8XL too). I've only been talking about skirts, but each of these artists sells more than that.

Option 2: User Suggestions

I'm hoping our followers may have some advice for you about where to buy goth fatshion. @fine-ass-fatshion has knowledge about fatshion for sure. We've also recently reblogged some great goth fatshion from @wisteriaawillow, so I would definitely suggest asking them for advice on where to buy goth fatshion too. @iridessence wears a lot of pretty fatshion on her main blog, but her side blog @luxus-aeterna would be more your style. I don't know if the clothes she wears on that blog are technically goth or simply make me think of gothic clothing due to being historical clothing with generally darker fabrics, but look at her side blog just in case. I believe her FAQ mentions that she gives detailed information about how to find the clothes she wears if you donate to her work.

Option 3: Tailoring and Getting Creative

A lot of fat people have to resort to sewing and making their own clothes, but this can include taking stuff and simply making adjustments to them. For example, dyeing a shirt a more goth color, taking dollar store trinkets and making them into jewelry, etc. You can even do some clothing adjustments without needing to know how to sew! That's how I used to make my cosplays. People have suggested before to not discard the idea of going to a tailor either. If you happen to find some clothing you like but doesn't fit you, a tailor can help.

Option 4: Etsy and Commissions

Websites like Etsy sometimes can be a goldmine for specific aesthetics. However, Etsy tends to be expensive due to shipping and/or items being handmade by artists. I also hate that a lot of artists on Etsy charge fat people more money for the same product. Additionally, Etsy is probably a better store for accessories rather than your main outfit.

If you're willing to pay for the quality of handmade clothing fitted specifically for your body type and measurements, I've honestly considered the idea myself of commissioning cosplay artists for clothing, which can be done through Etsy or by meeting cosplay artists at anime conventions. If you go to a local anime convention and meet an artist there, you may even find an artist so local that you can try on the clothes during the process of making them so that you know they definitely will fit you at the end. I've thought about this usually regarding cosplay, but a cosplayer who does commissions would probably be able to make clothing that isn't for cosplaying a character as long as you gave them references.

Option 5: Online Stores and Our Pinned Post

Lastly, our pinned post has a link to our FAQ Google Doc, and that Google Doc includes links to online stores that sell plus size clothing. And here is a link to a post we shared about a month ago that has resources for buying jfashion. A lot of of the photos on the post include fatshion that could be useful for a goth aesthetic, though I say that without much knowledge about goth clothing.

I hope one of these suggestions will be of help to you!! Have a good day! cx

-Mod Worthy

[bomberqueen17]

adderall day 1

I'm not going to have any particular deep thoughts about this, but I feel like I should write stuff down. Several people have advised that.

I still don't know how much this is going to cost me, as my insurance couldn't be verified and I'm going to have to do messy things probably to find out. But I've got the pills in my hot little hand, 16 of them, and a follow-up appointment, and perhaps by then I'll know what this is actually costing.

It seems that it varies wildly how people manage to get ADHD dx's. Many many PCPs will not diagnose it or prescribe for it. It seems extremely gatekeepy to me, and not in a helpful way. my own PCP, as I describe more and more of my struggles to get healthcare in general, is being revealed to me to be less and less of any kind of a good fit-- she just seems baffled by everything I say. She asked if I have heartburn, for example, and I said, truthfully, oh yes, if I don't eat regularly, one of the ways I realize I've gone too long is that I start to have heartburn. So I've learned to be conscientious about my eating schedule, and eat small meals and snacks at regular intervals throughout the day, and that has cleared up the problem. And this actively baffled her, she was like "i've never heard of anything like this", and I can't imagine what she thought I was saying. Does no one else in the human race ever get queasy/stomach-acidy from going too long without food? Especially eating heavily and then not eating for a long time afterward? That's the worst for me, so I avoid that. I highly doubt I am the only person ever to experience this. But she seemed convinced that I must not know what heartburn is.

That's just one example. So. If I can get my head on straight at all, I am going to start looking for a new primary care physician. I'm sure this doctor is fine, just not for me.

(She is obsessed that my fasting blood glucose levels are too high. I read an article about it, in the 2010s sometime the CDC decided that 5.7 was a new worrying number (I don't know what the units are, but 7 is what people with well-managed diabetes shoot for), and now they were going to declare this new number "pre-diabetes" and start medicating it. The WHO has refused the concept of "pre-diabetes", pointing out that about 2% of people with this number wind up developing full-blown diabetes whether medicated or not, and that's about the same number of people who develop diabetes without having had this diagnosis, so it is in fact not any kind of reliable indicator of looming diabetes, so it should be referred to as "elevated fasting blood glucose levels" and not the new fictional "pre-diabetes". But there's money in selling that medicine, so American doctors are encouraged to make this diagnosis. And my doctor has put it into my chart that she plans to start me on Metformin if this number does not go down.

I'm refusing that. Medicate me for diabetes if I develop diabetes. I can be annually screened for it just like anyone. Sure, keep an eye on it! I take this seriously. But i am not getting medicated for a condition the WHO thinks is fictional. Thanks.)

Anyway that was a digression.

I'm hoping to at least make a start on dialing in my meds with this online guy, so that when I switch PCPs I can show up with the ADHD treatment as a fait accomplit and not have the new PCP throw a fit. I might try it with the current one too-- "Idk you told me it was incredibly complicated and insurance doesn't cover it so I went to my insurance company and they sent me to this guy and it wasn't complicated at all and I'm responding super well to the treatment so I guess this is what I do now?" but I am just anticipating her throwing a fit of some kind, since she is absolutely convinced I have major depressive disorder and has been trying to get me to go back on Celexa, which did me so much no good that I cold-turkeyed off it and gave myself horrible brain zaps. Don't fucking do that guys.

(It was with this same practice! It's on there, I no-showed to an appointment because I had so little executive function I wasn't even able to keep track of it! And she's still like yah medicating u for depression is super what's going to work. ma'am i have never been suicidal but I remember being on Celexa and most of it was my shitty life situation at the time but mostly it is a gray expanse of despair and ineffectualness, and getting inexorably fatter whilst starting to develop an eating disorder about it, and getting benched by my roller derby coach despite exercising myself to constant exhaustion and performing better than I ever had on the track because she saw my spreading waistline and assumed I was slacking off, and anyway. Yeah no.)

So anyway. I'm letting myself be stream of consciousnessy because it seems right. I had a reasonable breakfast, a lot of water, some coffee, a multivitamin, and my first pill about an hour ago, and am now ensconced in the recliner with the cat because the cat insists. I have started to feel.... kind of... like my throat feels kind of dry so I'm drinking more water, and I just got a little bit not quite dizzy and am acutely aware of all my eye movements, so I guess that's notable.

OK the plan. I would like to someday be able to make to-do lists, that's a medium-term goal. Meanwhile I'm still doing narratives of how i'd like a day to go. I have fallen off that a bit; I've been trying to do not a bullet journal but a just regular day planner in this new year (i got something on clearance off amazon lol) and mostly what I've used it for is as a diary post-hoc, writing down what i got done, and making little notes of what I want to get done, because otherwise my memory wipes itself and I don't know what I did all last week either. I fell off it this week because Dude was out of town and I was off kilter. But I'm going to fill back in what I can remember-- I'm keeping track of what meals I cook, what exercise I do, things like that-- and hope to keep it up going forward.

Routine, I hope, is what will help me.

Today. It is rainy today. I didn't get some of my stuff done while Dude was gone because of course the list I made would have taken six weeks of work, that's how my lists go. But I did get a lot done, so I'm going to write all that down. And today it is rainy, so I can spend time in the basement. What I want to do is empty out all my nice baskets I use to tote craft things around, and re-fill them with more curated selections. I think one basket for like, all the sewing tools, just all of them, in one place, and then another basket that is like, all of the embroidery supplies, and then a container that is An Adequate Selection Of Thread and also machine-sewing supplies? maybe? and then Active Projects can go into a third container that may or may not travel with me. Anyway, thinking about that is a work in progress.

I need to pack for my first trip of the season to the farm. I need to put away all the supplies from painting the kitchen, because I am finally officially totally completely done with that. I need to then tidy the kitchen counter and there's a little wooden cart that used to have our coffee stuff on it and I've been using it to dump all the shit and assorted project detritus from the ongoing painting on, and I need to then move that cart somewhere once I've put away all the things on it.

That seems like a reasonable amount of things to expect to complete today. OK I need to get out from under this cat because I have to pee now. All right. She'll be fine she just wants the chair really.

Yah ok i really gotta pee and dude is in the shower so i'm going to go get dressed and dance around a little lolsob. wish me luck.

[bookfangeek]

Could you please provide a list of each one of the power pills friends/ other important people from their part of the webcomic? i keep getting confused between each character friends….😭

:D

OC INFORMATION REQUESTED

Okay this is gonna be a long one strap in.

Also, have a little key for how important to the plot all the characters are

MAIN CHARACTER/VILLAIN | MAJOR PLAYER | MEDIUM PLAYER | MINOR PLAYER | JUST THERE TO GIVE A CHARACTER A FRIEND

TEAM SOUL SEER

CALEB BUDDE | SOUL SEER

The first member of the Power Pills. He's shy, awkward, and is somehow the unofficial leader of the Power Pills. Mostly everyone looks to him to make the final call on stuff because he's been around the longest.

GUY FOUST

Caleb's roommate and best friend. Went with Caleb during his first superhero mission and got physically shot while there.

KATE DHANANI

A friend of Guy's who eventually became a friend of Caleb's. She's the martial arts trainer for the Power Pills.

AVERY RODRIGUEZ

The first supervillain created by Future Tech. He's 16 years old and was given to Future Tech as an experiment by his parents in exchange for promotions.

TRAVIS BIRMAN

Guy's childhood friend and Merri's boyfriend. He's just the only friend character who doesn't know that his friend is a superhero.

TEAM WAX GUISE

DAN WIRSCH | WAX GUISE

The second member of the Power Pills. He's the literal embodiment of a theater kid. Despite his energetic and carefree attitude, he's one of the smartest members of the team.

JASON KENDI

Jason is Dan's roommate and the go-to costume designer for the Power Pills. He's a MASSIVE nerd and loves doing closet cosplay. He seems to have some kind of connection to Lightbringer.

LUCY CIPHER

The manager (and drum player) of Dan's band. She matches him in energy and personality.

NICO HYLAND

Lucy's fiancee and the keyboardist for Dan's band. He's the type to sit back and listen to Lucy's energetic ramblings for hours.

MAX ARMIJO

Dan's second roommate and lead guitarist for Dan's band. He's a more successful actor than Dan and does his best to help Dan get roles.

TEAM BULLETPROOF

MERRI BODKIN | BULLETPROOF

The third member of the Power Pills. She's a sweet-hearted individual with boundless optimism. She's the heart of the group. However a lot of her personality DOES come from the fact that she's a Catholic and her suppressed frustration tends to come out when she's fighting as Bulletproof in the form of a SUPER brutal fighting style.

AMBER LUPE

One of Merri's best friends. She is just as kind and sweet as Merri, but much less energetic.

PERCY VAN STONE

Merri's foil. She is energetic, she is bold, she loves everything Merri hates.

TEAM QUICKWIT

KRISTY EDA | QUICKWIT

The fourth member of the Power Pills and the resident "basically normal guy but with a bow" of the team. She's an independent artist trying to make it in the art world.

GEMMA VOSS

The sculptor to Kristy's painter. She has almost no shame and has no problems both speaking and acting her mind.

JAKE WESTLAKE

Probably also an artist of some kind but we haven't seen them do any sort of art so I'm not sure. They're relentlessly supportive of their friends.

TEAM STREAMLINE

Hahaaaa oh god sorry, Tate.

TATE PALMER | STREAMLINE

Tate is the fifth member of the Power Pills as well as the most energetic. She's a massive cosplayer and makes her living selling her work online.

TEAM THE WEB

(boy that one doesn't have a ring to it at ALL, does it)

SIBYL DEMIR | THE WEB

Sibyl is the sixth and newest member of the Power Pills. He's the resident scientist, studying biology. He's been through a lot, but once he settles into a network of supporting friends, he reveals that he is a a snarky, strong-willed man.

SEBASTIAN CROWL

A superpowered cult member who saved Sibyl and Caleb's lives when they were captured. He sacrificed himself to help the two of them escape. His status is unknown though he reassured Sibyl that the cult wouldn't kill him.

BENNY O'KEEFE

Benny is Sibyl's biology teacher and is the person who helped Sibyl through the darkest moment of his life.

VINNY RAMONE

Not seen onscreen, but he's Sibyl's ex.

JENNA BEGER

Sibyl's childhood friend who tried to trade away his life in order to join The Cult of Lacrima. Her status is also unknown.

TEAM ███████

MATT NOTTON

The recipient of the Pink Pill who needs to be put on a GODDAMN LEASH. The only pill candidate who decided to use their powers for selfish reasons.

DAMIEN BRIDGES

A man that Matt kidnapped in an attempt to learn how to control his powers. He's... god he's still there.

DALTON RENTFRO

Matt's teammate and a MASSIVE Matt hater.

OTHERS

????? | LIGHTBRINGER

The person who gives out the pills to the candidates. He's stoic but generally friendly.

??????

Only called "Scarecrow Lady" in comic so far, this is the woman who broke into Merri's dressing room in book 3 trying to kidnap her. Caleb erased her memory of their identities but she hinted that she had something "Way better" than her memories.

LONDON KURTZ

A mean girl who peeked in high school. She is obsessed with status.

PHYLLIS WORRALL

One of London's obligatory lackeys. The other of which, Lilith, apparently left London very recently for unknown reasons and has not been seen onscreen.

KRAVEN GREEVES

The owner of the martial arts dojo that the Power Pills train at. He knows what's going on with the superheroes, but he knows it's not his place to say anything.

And I reached the maximum number of images I can put on a post apparently so I have been hard capped here.

Btw if you want to see or ask more about my OCs you should check out @bookfanocs. I don't post much on there but you never know when I'll be inspired.

[del3141]

This is... an experiment of sorts. I'm not sure if I'm going to stick with Tumblr when all is said and done; it's a friendly and fun site, but this isn't a place where I've felt like it's OK or welcome to post personal things. But I'm going to give it a shot.

CW: Growing-up trauma, parent-induced trauma, misanthropy. Heavy things. Long post.

This is something like automatic writing that I'm trying to do here, only the spirit I'm trying to channel is my subconscious. I don't know what its thesis is. But it needs to get some things out that have been troubling it for a long long time, and I'm going to do what I can to aid the process along in the only way I remember how, by writing it down. It's been a long time since I've done this.

I used to write things down a lot more. I wrote in a LiveJournal back when that was a thing. I had a small core of people I knew online, and I wrote for them, but I also wrote a lot for myself. I never liked having a journal just for myself, but I liked being able to write in a place where other people I knew and liked could share their thoughts on the things that I thought about.

Unfortunately, what happened to that was my father found the journal, well after I moved out and cut off contact with him, and he used it to try to get back in contact with me. I friends-only locked my posts after that, every single one, manually, that was how much I did not want him to be part of my life anymore. I also left a comment on my journal explaining that I did this because I didn't want family reading my journal. For a while, things were okay. A few posts of mine I got some comments from folks asking to unlock them so they could share - simple stuff, the one I remember was about what I thought of 4th ed D&D, because apparently I described it pretty well - so I unlocked a few for sharing. My father jumped on those. After that, I ended the journal. It's still out there on LJ, but it hasn't been posted to, and it won't be posted to again.

That, plus seeing what some of the truly evil shit done to people I know online, by places that openly celebrate harming people for who or what they are, got me to close off my online presence for over a decade. It seemed better to be invisible than to be vulnerable.

-----

A year or so ago, I sent one last email to my mother, in response to her latest of many, many attempts to convert me back into evangelical Christianity and sell me on being a Republican because schools are grooming children and because she fears for my soul and also because tired party-of-lincoln bullshit. This is after they very honestly told me about their running interference for my stepbrother, who is now convicted of the kind of crimes my parents think LGBTQ+ people are committing. I told her not to contact me again. She has respected my wishes.

I've not sent the one last email to my father, because I am concerned that any contact with him whatsoever will be used as a means to get more information on how to *continue* contact. The best approach I have devised involving him is to be a black box - no information goes to him from me. He continues to attempt to reach me, either through new email addresses or through social media invites from any direction he can manage. He's made actionable threats to others, and he'd do the same to me.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I've severed contact with my family. It doesn't last. Mostly what I feel is anger towards them, for being what they were and are. So much of the cruelty in the world that I see is so tightly wrapped up with the culture of my parents that, when I see things in the world that are hateful and cruel, the reaction in the back of my mind is: These are the things that my parents are putting into the world, eagerly, enthusiastically, with the confidence that God is on their side, and there are millions upon millions more just like them, eager to see the world carved bloody until it fits their expectations.

What I feel more than anything is... surrounded. I've separated myself from the shitty place I came from, but that place is just a microcosm of the species. There are things that this species does that are profoundly alien to me, sometimes even hostile, things it does to others of its own kind that it's deemed "not like us". The best you can get from a relationship like that is polite, tense tolerance; if things go badly, you can expect violence, of one kind or another. It feels like there is no in-road to be part of these communities - you can be tolerated among them, but you won't be accepted, if your mind and your ideals don't conform to theirs. You are here, and they will let you be here, but you are not welcome, and they are keeping an eye on you for behaviour that they will scorn.

I've now spent nearly forty years in a world where I am not welcome. I've learned to put on a very convincing mask, and that's kept me relatively safe for a very long time. It also helps that I'm a cis white male previously in the USA and now in Canada, I've had a lot of easy coasting on that because it makes the mask more acceptable. It takes a lot out of me to keep the mask up. It still feels safer to be invisible, but you can't be in the world without being a part of it.

It's a bit like being a mouse, living in the walls, nibbling at the edges of the world and just trying not to get caught or trapped.

[mermaidsirennikita]

to add to the Princess conversation, it wouldn't be common to find narratives where the hero fucks other women so openly in front of the heroine in a modern HR and if it was written ppl would lose their shit in the reviews lol I thought it was really refreshing the way it is written in Princess even though I don't even like the scenario personally it just felt interesting to read bc I knew I wouldn't find now like the author truly wrote freely

Oh for sure. If we're thinking about the same scene, I personally have no issue with it because a) I kind of love that shit in books I'm not even gonna lie b) it was before Darius and Serafina got together c) he had noooo concept that they would ever be ABLE to be together. And I think Darius's relationship with sex and trauma, which (I'm almost done with the book) is similar to Lazar's but not quite the same, informs why that scene happened. His sense of self worth is... not great.

And that's the kind of thing you would honestly not see as effectively if we didn't get a look into his sexual relationships with other women. And it's not at length, we don't have these long scenes, but we see that he's slutty and it hurts Serafina's feelings because even though there's no chance that they can be together and she's in fact engaged to another man, she still loves him and knows he knows she loves him and so on. BUT! Later on, when you're in his POV, you suddenly realize "Oh, it actually wasn't this fun and sexy time for Darius, he has a LOT of issues" (many of them related to his mom, SHOCKER the breastfeeding hero has mommy issues).

I often see readers say "well I could have gotten that without that scene" COULD YOU THO. Because to me, a real issue in the romance reading discourse about What is Good and What is Bad in romance is that people only read what they specifically KNOW they're good with. They never even try something else.

And that's fine. You can do that. But if you are ONLY going to try what you know for sure isn't going to push your boundaries in any sense, then I personally don't want to hear about what you think the genre shouldn't do. I'm not talking about people reading shit that triggers them. I'm not talking about saying, "Well, I don't really love a book where the hero has sex with a woman before the heroine on the page, but everyone says this is amazing and otherwise it sounds like my shit, so I'm going to try it".

I have recommended books to people that they get so excited about, and when I mention one thing that is not triggering but is simply not to their taste, they will just go "oh never mind". And again, that is FINE. But if all you're reading is books that don't do it, I don't think you can tell me that it never works and that it doesn't belong in the genre. Which some people absolutely do. "No cheating in romance" okay but you also won't try this book by your #1 favorite author that has all the other tropes you love that all your book friends endorse because it has cheating in it.

I don't think I'd care as much, but because romance has SO much discourse about What is Right and What is Wrong at the moment, I do think it's pushing a lot of authors to be safer. If you're constantly being bombarded with takes that say "I WILL NEVER READ THIS BC X" or whatever, and all you wanna do is sell a book in a very competitive, commercial market... idk.

And I actually think the market is much more curious and open to exploring than a lot of vocal online people would make you think, lol; because the online audience is very rarely truly representative of the average audience. Like, the average person who loves Ali Hazelwood isn't watching a million booktok takes about how her book had This Thing so you shouldn't read it. They just one-click her books because they love Ali. The GENRE may influence them more than the takes--I'm thinking of my friend who ADORES Ali but hasn't read Bride because she's reluctant to try PNR (booooo).

However, the prevalence of social media makes these things seem bigger. When Gaelen wrote Princess, she went off with her "Serafina sees Darius fucking another woman before they get together" shit, and her virgin lactation shit, and Serafina being a very spoiled brat who is beautiful and knows it and uses her beauty, and Darius having the self worth of a broken twig...

She didn't have all the takes and the admittedly dramatically transformed market on her mind. And conversely, because there was more of a divide between the reader and the author, the readers often did try shit that wasn't really their thing. Sometimes they liked it; sometimes they didn't. You weren't sitting there thinking about a billion tropes, tbh. You saw a hot cover and read the back copy and took it home. Or, you saw the author's name and went "I love Nora Roberts" and went out on a limb and tried her vampire books even though you'd only read her contemporaries. And maybe you liked it and read the other two books in the trilogy, and maybe you didn't.

I think it's kind of a snake eating its own tail thing, where the market has become so responsive to the loudest readers (by no means all readers... readers of color and LGBT+ readers and disabled readers who ask for rep and often don't get it comes to mind) that it moves incredibly quickly, and authors are just throwing shit at the wall trying to build an audience, and the quickest way to do that is by throwing the shit that the wall SCREAMS it wants and not throwing the shit that the wall SCREAMS is bad. Even if that's what YOU as an author like. And often, I gotta say, especially in the early parts of an author's career, I think that the best results will come from the author saying "fuck it, I'm gonna write what I would want to read".

Unfortunately, I don't think that's really as much the philosophy anymore. Writing to market has always been a part of romance and will always be a part of every commercial genre (I mean, look at how historicals have become sooo Regency- and Victorian-centric--that happened before social media took over the book spaces), but it has become a bit more confined, imo.

So that is something I've discovered I really love about reading older books. You can tell this person was like "fuck it, I wanna write this shit".

[cottoncandy-cult]

New Kind Of Home Pt 2

Zelman Clock X Fledgling! Reader

(Y/n) giggled from where she sat in her room, she was a fledgling black blood that had recently joined the "darkness" of the special zone. She lived in Zelman Clock's manor; she was one of the few maids who took care of the east wing of the second floor. This had been Zelman's wing, which thankfully meant it didn't get near as messy as some of the other areas since Zelman himself wasn't innately messy. Like the other maids she was paid nicely, so she often spent her money on food and her hobbies. One thing she had become really taken with was making candles, sure there were all kinds of things she could do in this day and age but candle making had just really caught her eye. She loved getting to pick the scents and make the designs, she even had a little shop online to sell her creations. Of course, everyone knew about her hobby, at any kind of gift giving event she often made custom candles for the people she was close to. Currently she was sat on her bed, a sketch pad on her lap as she doodled some ideas for some new candle designs. Though she was quick to put down her pencil when a knock at the door caught her attention, she looked up in the direction of the sound as she sat up straight. "Come in." She tilted her head slightly, raising an eyebrow as she saw her boss come in. "Hey there, Sayuka said you missed lunch, so I came to check on you." He stepped into the room, his hands in his pockets as he glanced around. Despite being seen as a villain by some, Zelman paid attention to those who served under him and took great care of them.

"Sorry, I got hit with some inspiration and lost track of time." The young woman sat the sketch pad to the side, scooting closer to the edge of the bed. "You can sit down if you like Sir." She smiled sweetly as the red-haired old blood chuckled, moving to sit in the chair at her desk. "So, what kind of candles are you making this time? Those cupcake candles you did for Jura's birthday were pretty popular." Zelman leaned forward, peaking at her sketch pad. Something she happily passed to him, (Y/n) loved getting to talk about her creations. "I wanna do some pie themed candles, I was thinking of doing 3 kinds. Apple and cinnamon, Peach and Vanilla, and Mixed berry. I was gonna keep the design simple, layer 3 different colors each." She pointed to the designs, explaining her thoughts as she indicated to the colored layers of each candle drawing. "I see, simple and classic is always appreciated. I think the Peach one sounds best though, so make sure you make an extra for me, ok?" He had winked at the woman, not oblivious to her blush as she nodded her head quickly. "Of course, if you ever have any requests let me know. I like getting to make personalize candles."

The young woman scratched the back of her head in embarrassment, trying to talk away her flustered cheeks. "I'll keep that in mind, I'm sure you've noticed I always have a candle burning in my favorite rooms. So, it would be nice to get something personally made for me, having it be one of your products just makes it all the better." His words had (H/c) female stuttering and stumbling over her words, something that stopped with a squeak when one of Zelman's large hands gently cradled her cheek. He stared into her eyes, his grin never faltering. "Just as I thought, you're even cuter when you're flustered." His thumb stroked her cheek, and in her flustered state all she could think to do was hide her face. So, she turned it into his palm, closing her eyes as she listened to Zelman chuckle. "Would you like to have lunch with me (Y/n)? A new restaurant opened in the old sector, so I was going to check it out." He slowly sat back, removing his hand as she had finally met his gaze once more. "S-sure, I've finished writing down my ideas anyways…" She bit her lip, her hand fiddling with the pencil that sat on her bed. "Let me get ready first, I don't wanna go out in public in my maid outfit. That would draw so much attention." She blushed darker at the thought, having made the mistake of doing it once and there wasn't a single person that WASN'T looking at her. Though her words made Zelman laugh, nodding his head. "Understandable, I'll be waiting in the common room downstairs. Meet me down there when you're ready." He winked at her again just to see her flustered face once more, then moved to stand and exit the room. Once that door closed behind him (Y/n) flopped back on her bed, her hands resting over her racing heart as she took several deep breaths. She wasn't oblivious to how attractive her boss was, the other female workers were often desperate for his attention and fawned over the older male. She didn't want to get ahead of herself, despite his behavior she didn't want to assume this was a date and embarrass herself later by saying the wrong things.

Though she didn't spend long like this, after all he was waiting on her regardless of the reason why they would be sharing this meal. It didn't take long for (Y/n) to get changed, she didn't do anything too fancy. A simple (F/c) sundress with some black tights and a pair of flats, she had worn a few bracelets around one wrist and a chain necklace that had a red jewel which rested against her collarbone. Her footsteps were quick but quiet, not wanting to seem desperate or accidentally trip in front of him. Before she entered the common room, (Y/n) came to a stop and took a moment to brush out the skirt of her dress and adjust the top to make sure it was settled comfortably but nicely. "I hope I didn't keep you waiting Sir." She entered the room with a shy smile, he had changed as well into something a little less recognizable for him. Leaving his beanie off he had brushed out his hair, settling on wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Despite the relaxed look, he still brought color to her cheeks at the sight. "Not at all, I actually just set down before you arrived." He moved to stand, approaching her with his hands in his pockets. He stood close to her, offering her a fanged smile as his cologne engulfed her. "You ready to head out? I was checking the reviews, and this place is supposed to have some pretty good grilled food." He offers her his arm, grinning at her darkening blush while she slipped her arm within his own and nodded.

All she could do was swallow quietly; afraid she'd stumble over her words if she tried to speak in that moment. She took a slow breath, looking up at him as calmly as she could. "Thanks for inviting me, it's been a while since I've gone somewhere new to eat." She looked away from him after that statement as they made their way out the door, causing the old blood to chuckle and hold his head high. "It's no fun to try something new alone, besides you always make for interesting company." His bold words made her heart flutter, she had to focus on her breathing a moment as she looked up at him once more. "I enjoy your company as well, Cayne and Sei can be somewhat intimidating so I'm glad it's you I work under." This made Zelman chuckle, his head tilting as he gave her a fond look. "I'm glad you're so comfortable with me, I'd hate to think I scare you. I'm glad Sayuka brought you to my home, as a fledgling I can imagine it was quite lonely coming to the special zone on your own." His words held an understanding tone, Zelman had seen many people come and go within the special zone and within his domain. Most of those that came on their own found themselves feeling lost, the special zone was a big place and could be a little hard to get used to.

"I will admit it was overwhelming, I was beyond lost in the city and if it wasn't for Sayuka I'm not sure I would have found a place to live that night. I was a bit scared at first, I wasn't really sure what I should be doing but you made it easy for me being so naturally organized." She smiled softly at the thought as she stared ahead, she had been so afraid at first. But she had been given ample patience to get adjusted to her new life. "You reminded me of a kitten when you were first brought back, soaked in the rain and jumping at every noise. It was pretty cute, I felt bad for your cause you looked so out of place. So, I had you placed in my personal wing since I figured it would be low maintenance and easier for you to adjust to. I meant to adjust your duties once you had got used to the place, but there was no real need for it and since I needed someone to clean my wing anyways, I decided to just let you stay where you were. Plus, I got used to seeing you in the mornings on my way to breakfast. It was a nice routine, and I wasn't ready to give it up yet, I know you aren't a morning person but watching you sleepily waddle down the halls just makes my day." He chuckled as he looked to her, seeing the way her cheeks flushed as she looked into his eyes made his own still heart beat once more. "You aren't wrong, I hate being awake early but the sooner I get my chores done the sooner I can read or work on my hobbies." She turned her head to the side, subconsciously leaning into his side and not noticing til his arm slipped out of hers and wrapped around her waist. It left her flustered at first, though she had soon melted into his side as she took comfort in his presence despite how he made her heart race uncontrollably.

"You know, I'd like to spend more time with you if you're up to it. I'd love to see how you make your candles, if that's ok." He smiled down at her, one of his pointed fangs visible as they walked together. Leaning her head on his shoulder, she hoped it made it harder for him to see her face directly. "I wouldn't mind, no one's ever asked to see how I do it before. Maybe you can help me design a candle, you know pick out the colors and smells and stuff…" She bit her lip, fighting the urge to meet his gaze which she could feel focus on her. "Alright, it's a date then." He winked at her when she looked at him in shock over his wording, causing him to give into his urge and press a kiss to her cheek before watching her brain short circuit. They slowed to a stop as she stared at him as if he just laid the stars at her feet. Releasing her side he took her hand, raising an eyebrow as he pressed another more gentlemanly kiss on her knuckles and kick start her brain once more causing her to stumble over various words before giving up and hanging her head while hiding her face with her hand. He loved her reactions; it made him want to smother her with affection until she was a flustered mess. For now though, he held back, lacing his fingers with her own as he led the way to the restaurant for their planned lunch.

[hobbyarchivist]

The Daughters of Eve on fellow all-girl bands, plus Etta James!

(These are some outtakes from my interview with members of The Daughters of Eve, who were a 1960s, Chicago based, all-girl rock band, known best for their viral hit 'Hey Lover')

Did you know any of the girls from the band Birtha?

DEBI: Yes, I knew Liver, the drummer. Olivia Favela.

I was going to ask you about her, because online no one really seems to know what happened to her.

DEBI: I ran into her many years ago, probably in the early/mid 80s I’d say. I ran into her at a party. We were talking after if she still played. She said no, she was selling cars at a dealership. I was telling her how much I enjoyed her playing. She was a left handed drummer and Birtha had a left handed rhythm section.

The bass player, Rosemary Butler— she was a great singer. They all sang, great vocals. Rosemary sang with everybody, you name it. Linda Ronstadt, Bonnie Raitt, Jackson Browne. She was Jackson Browne’s background singer for years until he decided to not tour anymore. She teaches voice now. She’s great.

Rosemary and Liver were both left handed. They were a great rhythm section, I really liked that band. I think the guitar player passed away and the keyboard player, I’m not sure what happened to her, but it was nice meeting Liver. She said she wasn’t going to play anymore, she had given it up. She had to make a living. I don’t know what her personal life was like, but I was glad I had that brief conversation with her at the party.

Really good drummer though, boy, I liked her style. I thought, ‘How can she do it left handed?’. That was really interesting.

Do you have any memories of Fanny?

DEBI: I never saw them live. I was always on tour, remember that, in several other all-girl bands that traveled on the road. Whenever they’d be playing, I’d be playing so I never got to see them live.

I’m friends with June Millington and Jean Millington, the two sisters. Alice is a pretty good drummer, but we had different styles. They’re still all friends, which is nice. I don’t know what she does now. Nickey Barclay, the keyboard player who did a lot of the singing, she was really good. But, I'm very close to June, and she and her sister were the founders of the band. They were called The Svelts. They had all kinds of different names.

They were out here in California, but I believe they didn’t start until the mid to late '60s. They actually came about in 1969 when I first came out to California. Girl musicians were getting more popular at that time.

I was in another all-girl band; we were a show band and we would travel and we made money. Rooms were free, we got good salaries and I couldn’t pass it up and Im still friends with those girls too! I stayed in touch with almost every band I knew or got involved with.

Fanny, nice group of girls. I met most of the girl musicians out here, I played in other girl bands that were really good.

You said you played with Etta James?

MARSHA: Yeah, I was playing in LA, I had moved to LA and was playing in a club with a guy who wrote a song that she recorded when she was real young; she recorded ‘Dance with me Henry’, that was Richard Berry. I was playing with him, then she came in and saw us and said she wanted me to play with her.

It was fun, we did a jazz festival in South America. That’s another thing, I made great money when I played with her, but there was such huge gaps between the times we would even play. We did San Fransisco, but maybe there were six weeks, a month. It’s almost discouraging. Its great while you're playing, but they're a lot of gaps in between.

[asoiafzambi]

"Spoilers" Spoilers! Spoilers?

Like always, this could all be totally fake yadda-yadda ... and if the leakers make this all up, they should definitely go into fanfiction writing, because some of that shit is hilarious.

I just like to elaborate on my thoughts about it, fake or not.

Daemyra at odds:

I don't like it. What can we daemyra stans say except we don't like it (that early in the timeline)? But the showmakers seem to be dead set on it. Not sure if there will/can be a short reconciliation at some point (maybe when they take King's Landing together?) but I wont hold my breath.

Daemon at Harrenhal:

If you wanted to make the already insanely split online fandom rip each others throats out and set everything and themselves on fire, having Daemon get roofie-raped by Alys Rivers is definitely a way to go about it, and I will be there like:

I'm not squeamish about SA in media/fiction. In GOT the Sansa stuff was just absolutely nonsensical, because she is not Jeyne Poole and what the fuck is Littlefinger doing? If they really needed Sansa raped (que?), then do something with Harry the Heir, you lazy fucks. Dany/Drogo and Jaime/Cersei at the Sept is definitely very iffy in the books too.

Back to HOTD, I will be rather disappointed though, if Daemon doesn't get what happens and thinks it was just a dream, because I really want to see his reaction to getting raped by a 150 year old red-zombie-witch.

Making Alys a 150 year old red-zombie-witch is a bit fanservicy already, together with the desperate tie-in to Aegon's I conquest (got a new show to sell, I guess).

Jace/Sara vs. Jace/Cregan:

Here I will make myself very popular by saying I actually greatly prefer Jace/Sara over Jace/Cregan.

I don't mind Jace being gay/bi, but I just think it makes absolutely no sense for Cregan. It's probably because I'm an ole Stark 'hater'. Since fandom is dead set on the bromance, they might do it, and I will roll my eyes a bit and just write Sara/Jace/Cregan thruple fic to piss everybody off.

I would much rather have a steamy Daemon/Laenor or Daemon/Hugh (if he is Viserys' son omg*) scene, but with that I'm probably just showing my age.

But nevermind with whom Jace fucks around up north, for the love of gods don't let Baela be crushed or whiny about Jace' betrayal. She should spit/laugh in his face tbh. Screw the angry black woman cliche, she has every right to be angry with prince dumbass. Immediately moving on with Alyn is obligatory anyways.

* I mean, visiting him in his smithy and complimenting his hammer ... seriously?

Blood and Cheese:

They seem to have backpedalled on the 'accident' ideas a bit (because nobody likes it that much), but I think it will still be a misunderstanding.

If Daemon instructs Blood (and Cheese) to beat the crap out of Helaena until she says a name, what he means is until she names one of her brothers for the one on one revenge. But poor Hel will have no idea what's going on with these thugs jumping her and in the end just say the name of one of her kids to make them stop.

Blood: Instructions unclear, cut the head off of a pre-schooler.

Cue everybodies shocked face vs. Daemon's stupid face: Wait? Helaena has kids? I kinda forgot (could be pretty meta).

There is also a leak version now where Daemon has absolutely nothing to do with B&C and it's all Rhaenyra's idea, which also would probably make fandom explode and seems a bit far fetched.

Corlys and Rhaenys and Marilda and her bastard boys:

I really hope the cheating plot wont be that prominent. I'm not a fan of the modern-romance spin on 'medival' marriage. This might be my personal damage though, because my narcisstic demi-romantic, poly ass will never be able to warp her mind around the concept of monogamy. I will just find it weird that Rhaenys would actually believe Corlys kept it in his pants during his years-long adventures and be baffled that he didn't.

I would also like it, if Rhaenys wasn't just mad on her own behalf, but maybe also a bit on Marilda's behalf. Like: Dude, you get this side-chick for your voyages/campains, impregnate her twice, and then what ... show up every five years with a package of milk? Talk about being a nasty deadbeat bitch, my man.

Rook's Rest:

I actually really liked how one of the leaks described Rhaenys' death, with her ashes falling from the sky after being grilled by Vhagar and onto Corlys and Aegon on the ground. What a wonderful nasty picture. I'm also fine with Aegon finding this hilarious and getting the show'sTM facebeating from Corlys for it.

I think that's all. Now I have to actually go back to writing my brazillion AU WIPs ... damn writers block.

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: Scam or No Scam, Cats, Gothmas Phase 1 Begins

Wednesday I was dragged out of a particularly interesting supernatural adventure dream by a different person calling to tray to get me to move out of my apartment. It was 10AM, less than two hours into what was already a short sleep cycle. I started my Do Not Call List banishing chant and he hung up. (Saturday's asshole was a woman.

In my exhaustion I could not remember the block number code before a person who could have either been a Medicare person or a medicare scammer called me. I had to engage them in a long dialog to tell which, which was unusual. Scammers are usually faster and more transparent. This one had enough information about who she was calling to keep me on the line, because medicare makes a ton of annoying and intrusive early sleep cycle calls including one last week trying to talk me into a home inspection I don't need or want. I can't afford to accidentally block Medicare, so I needed to trick her into disambiguating. she sounded a lot like last week's lady. Very similar voice, identical regional accent, but her background sound was slightly off. Her reason for calling was plausible. I did my usual thing where I make them tell me my own details, which she could do, but so did the try to make me move person that had just called, so I'm guessing an online registry or bought data base. No social security number or other id number though.

Then she tried to talk me into going to get my medicare card out so she could "verify my information was correct." Me, internally: Aha! Got her! So I pressed her on why she needed me to do that when she could just read me what's in her computer and I could say if it was correct or not. She tried the hard sell. I hung up. Very tricksey, she was. Sometimes real medicare wants proof I'm me, but I can also get them to mail me things or call them back on an official line I verify myself.

I am annoying as fuck to the endless people from assorted departments and subcontractors and what have you, because I don't trust shit. I know the scripts for the annoying flock of intrusive mandatory wake me up phone calls Medicare does. Every time a new department or service contacts me they get the third degree because I get so many identity theft attempt phone calls. I once hung up on the same new bullshit hassle call thing multiple times a week for approximately three months, because instead of properly identifying themselves as medicare and explaining immediately what they wanted, they started a long byzantine thing that sounded like half sales pitch and half identity theft fishing and after the first time I wasted five minutes of sleep trying to play scam or no scam and getting no straight answers as to what they actually wanted, I would recognize the opening sentences and hang right up. I didn't block them because they were ambiguous. I figured if it were actually important they'd contact me and tell me what they wanted instead of wasting my time. Eventually, I got a frantic sounding lady was like "This is medicare. Please don't hang up, it's important." And then she actually told me why she was calling specifically and demonstrated and actual knowledge of who she was calling. It was real. I've no idea why they were trying to sound like scammers when the thing was something straightforward we were able to clear up in less time than their opener took before I gave up on it the first time they called.

If this thing Wednesday morning was real, bet I'll get a letter. Betting it's not though. I am 95% sure it was a scammer who was doing a well above average job at mimicking medicare.

…And then I got a couple more calls spaced to prevent REM sleep for medical things. Sigh. So I started out tired. People still have not remembered how to drive with other cars on the roads particularly at dusk and i nearly saw a car T-Boned when I stopped at the bank drivethru ATM, but the car stopped inches from the driver side door. There were lines everywhere. There were cars and people everywhere. It was so loud and crowded at the grocery that every baby and toddler under the age of four that we saw started screaming because it was so overwhelming and we didn't blame them.

We ended up skipping two stops and going back to my place the fast way. Poor New Millennial was waiting in the dark as i haven't gotten them a key yet and spaced turning on the Millennial Signal lights before I went out. Goth Millennial had alerted them we were coming but running late and had pizza making stuff for dinner. We all worked together to square things away and while we were waiting for thing to cook, we were sitting quietly in the living room chatting.

There was a moth that had gotten in! Imagine the excitement amounst the feline population of the apartment. The Imperial couple were so excited that they hunted it together in the living room. This is a thing that does not happen. Tavy loves catching bugs, but his balance issues mean he basically has to corner something against the screen where it is damaged or confused enough not to fly away. Livia is, of course, a first rate hunter of any and all live prey that foolishly enters her domain, so even though New Millennial was right there on the sofa, she went right past. She managed to damage the wing, which meant Tavy had a chance! He could hunt too! He ended up having the best time hunting it. Meanwhile, Livia spotted a Live Thing on the Porch, so she got really into menacing whatever it was, then they both sat on the widow bench to watch outside things and wonder what that noise was, which is a thing he does when visitors are here, but she doesn't normally do because she has to turn her back on the Visitors. So Brave!

Goth Millennials got great pictures which I will post when I have them.

After dinner, Goth Millennial did crafter surgery on poor Geoff Peterson Jr. who is starting to come apart. He's a fifteen year old cheap plastic skeleton and these things happen. They redressed him and were taking him outside when his bottom half came off. I was like, we should try displaying him like that as a Beetlejuice tribute, so we are experimenting with that.

Meanwhile, New Millennial put the plastic cloth we are trying this year on the widow bench and secured the Halloween trees against cat panic. Prezzies started arriving this week, so they displayed them there as is the custom. None of the other decorations were up, but this was a lot for us given the givens.

[kozidraws]

id def commission you if you opened them back up!!! i am just so shy djajsi but also you shouldn’t beat yourself up for social media stuff, it’s crazy unpredictable and inconsistent. i have an artist friend and her socials go aaaalll over the place and some months she’ll make bank and some months she has zero spending money. you have amazing art and a more amazing personality, so don’t sell yourself short !!! you GOT this!

It's hard not to compare yet on bad days I do so 😭😭😭 like so many friends have popped off and thriving (which I'm super proud of them for) but I'm sure they've been practising and staying consistent. But I know that over the last several months due to depression I haven't been as motivated to do much at all. Recovery has been so super slow so the self depreciation is a constant.

Thank you for being kind though. I do worry sometimes on how people perceive me online. I wanted to be a comforting/supportive/drama free type of personality so I'm sorry to everyone when I get in these slumps, but thanks for still being here.

[askingexorcists]

So am i gonna have to circle round to anon? Since im blocked on everything else and youre ignoring me on paypal? Thats fucked dude. I wouldnt have had a problem if youd just said to me 'hey man so sorry i actually cant/dont wanna send you stuff' but to block me with no explaination dude?? Cmon! Did you forget youd sold stuff to me? Did you not care?? Did you just want money?? Bullshit.

So I've not been on tumblr for a while now because I've been so stressed out with this... most of you probably know that I sold some blue exorcist merch a little while back...I maybe sent out like 15 parcels round about?

A particular person I sold too claimed they didn't arrive, I had provided proof of shipping, screenshots/tracking number and whatever else. I have no idea if the items actually arrived to this person and she's lying about it, however I don't want to belive that, and I've had issues with royal mail (who I shipper with) in the past so it's possible her package was just lost or something of the sort.

However since it didn't arrive I tried to resolve this with this person, but like I said I had all the proof of postage. I asked if they'd sort if with their bank/PayPal or royal mail. Once it's shipped there isn't really anything I can do about it.

I cannot afford to refund for a package that I have the proof I shipped, especially since I do not know for sure if this person received the money or not. We've both opened a case with PayPal to try resolve this, and since I had the proof of postage there wasn't a lot to go on.

I never wanted to sell any of my merch, it was honestly a very sad sale for me, but I've got my own child now, and life gets very expensive and I just wanted to earn some extra cash for him

Despite this I could NEVER scam anyone or anything of the sort. Every other single person I sent parcels too told me their stuff arrived and were very happy with it. I included little free gifts and notes in every order. I really, honestly tried. I chased up the order with my local post office. I spoke to the post company online. I've spoken to PayPal. I've tried everything for a peaceful ending to this, but ultimately I have to let this person sort this out either their bank or PayPal or something.

It's been really stressing me out and I've been so anxious over the whole thing for a good while now, I've blocked this person and I hope they get their money back/get the parcel or such, and I wish them the best.

I've been in the blue exorcist fandom for almost 9 years now and I've made so many great friends through this app and this fandom, and talked to so many great people. It was such a big part of my life and my childhood. Even though I don't update the blog anymore hardly...I still read the aoex manga monthly, I'm always lurking on posts reading everyone's content, always reading everyone's theory's. I've stayed of my blog a while now as I've been so anxious of all this but now honestly I just want it past me as I know I've tried all I can to resolve this.

Also wanna say thank you to everyone who's bought from me / supported this blog ♡

[all-doggirls-go-to-heaven-2]

Hey I got kinda emotional and into it here so. Skip this one if you dont care but if you're my friend idk read it see if it resonates or smth

I think ill never get over the feeling that im inept or a loser because its not the fact that I'm. You know. That. Its because before even making the comparison between this person's absolute best life and my sick week I already think that. Its bad to the point that whenever I see someone share good news abt. Anything. I get jealous

And like im rlly not trying to brag but I have a decent life by my standards. I have partners that love me but don't require my affection constantly, so when I kinda shut down for 9 hours as I often do no one freaks out. I have sex quite often! (Not right now because im sick and slowly losing my mind) (and yeah this is childish but im very hypersexual and if I did not have this it would be bad for the mind) like there are people who consider me a sexy being and want to have sex with me and then we do.that. often in trios which is such a thing that my 16-year old me would have said NICE!!! To me and now its kinda of the norm for me. When its not just me n my gf having like casual fun sex its a threesome. And that fucking rules!!! I have money now!!! Saved!!!! Im moving out in like four months!!!! I already bought like paintings and tables and shit. Im finishing uni and can go pursue my dreams of becoming a film professor!!!! My art constantly gets praise!!!! And yeah, we kinda got fucked festival season because we botched some documentation but I made people cry!!! With my writing and camera work!!!! And I did that with my friends, too!! No sellout shit, no contracting a pro to get good shots, no youtube tutorial bullshit, i got three people that really liked each other and we made a fucking movie!!! And people cried watching it!!!! Like I got a legacy now. Even if its a small, insignificant one, its a fucking legacy!!! Its there!!! I can like crochet now!!! And im good at it!!!! Better than my fucking aunt who mocked the stuff I made back then!!!! And I make money selling it?? Online??? To friends??? Thats fucking cool as hell!!! Im feeling pretty? Like actually pretty? Not in a fabricated, made up, photoshopped version of me but like. I look in the mirror and I see a girl. Shes kinda messy and probably needs to brush her teeth more but its a girl. I pass all the time??? Old people call me little missy and shit. And yet I have not lost the transfem swag.

Sure, maybe some shit is bad. Sometimes you feel like drowning. Still not quite over that one breakup. Sometimes there's nothing to do. Sometimes your friends are having way more fun than you and you have no excuse to not be having fun. Sometimes uni is suffocating. Sometimes you love people so intensely that you start hating them when they dont like you as intensely as you do them. Sometimes you still put other's happiness over your comfort or safety. Sometimes you still romanticize things to make it seems like you're a less boring person than you think you are. Sometimes you need more affection than you're getting from your partners and you simply stay quiet, because you fear you're becoming like your abusers. You still havent gotten over the "I was heavily emotionally abused for the better part of a month" and recovery should have ended by now. They moved on. Why haven't you? Why do you still think of them? Why everytime someone thinks the kind of sex you have is weird you remember them telling you that and then doing it anyway? You're still the black sheep of the family. No matter how many intense life-ending fuckups your cousins fuck up, you'll still be the worst one. Because you were supposed to be perfect, to study overseas, to be the golden child. And you failed. Sometimes you wonder if you're wasting your life trying to be happy. Sometimes you wonder if you even can be. Sometimes you cry because you're sure you cant

And we just.... gotta keep on living. Trying, succeeding and failing to be happy. To have my needs met. Isnt that what its all about?