#I'm just so fucking tired man

[jellyluchi]

man I'm actually so sad that nothing in my life is going correctly and I'm running out of temporary solutions to keep myself afloat

[fitzhastoomanysideblogs]

Tw for suicidal thoughts under the cut

Man. I like. Straight up don't want to be alive anymore. I'm too much of a coward to actually kill myself but I have literally lost my will to live

When you're stuck with constant paranoia that is having a physical effect on you and stuck isolating yourself because of your fear of abandonment it's hard to want to keep living

Like. What do I even have to live for? I have no friends, I'm not allowed yet to have a job or make money and idk when or if I will be allowed, my speech is so disorganized and I struggle with words so much that I sound like an idiot to everyone, I'm annoying and weird and have no idea when to shut the fuck up, I don't have a therapist anymore that I can talk to, I'm in horrible physical and mental pain like. All the time, what's the point of even being alive when every waking moment of my life is miserable??

The only thing keeping me going is waiting for episode 3 of tadc but that's it. After that there's nothing left for me to live for. I haven't felt this bad since my ex friend left me. And again I don't even have a therapist anymore and I can't make the psychiatrist see me so I can't get any kind of help

Every day I've begging god to let anything good happen, to give me a reason to keep living and so far everything just keeps getting worse. This is my third day in a row dealing with paranoia so bad it's making me physically ill, and now I think my hair is falling out because of it too. My whole life sucks and idk what else I can do

[zephyrrydrake]

Vent post. Move on if you don't want to read.

I feel like I'm failing Palestine. Idk, I just feel like I'm not doing enough. I know the world sucks, I know that it's broken and that people are dying and suffering and being tortured. I feel like I can't do enough. Like what I'm doing isn't enough.

121. That's how many asks I've let sit in my inbox for over a month. They piled up. They've just gone unanswered. I don't feel like I can delete them because I feel like I need to help them. I have a platform. It's basically a raft compared to the giant boats that are some other people's platforms, but it's still a platform. Since I was younger, the whole reason why I wanted a big platform in the first place, was so that I could use it to help people. My motivations have kind of shifted cause now I just wanna make stuff, but still.

I can't donate any money. I don't usually see a lot of these people's fundraisers getting reblogged. I think a part of me doesn't even want to do this. I know it's selfish and I should be spending my time helping people, but it's hard to care. And I hate that it's hard to care. Because I want to care. I want to want to help these people. But I'm just apathetic. I mean, I'm happy when I see their GoFundMes gaining traction and I'm happy seeing that someone met their goal. I cheered when I saw that someone got enough funds to get out of Gaza. But I just can't always psych myself up to care about all this stuff the way these people deserve to be cared about.

My feelings are complicated. I kind of feel this way towards other aspects of my life too. Honestly, it might just be an autism thing. Doesn't make me feel less guilty about it though. Or more, pseudo guilt? Because sometimes I can't even really bring myself to feel guilty. My emotions are fucked.

And then of course those two fucking gimmick blogs came out and attacked some of the people who verify fundraisers. And I decided to hear them out. And now I'm questioning if maybe these may or may not be scams. Fuck, man. Like I said in my pinned on @rydrake6 I just need a break.

I already know that my "activism" is mediocre at best. I know that I'm probably barely even doing the bare minimum. I know that I need to rethink my methods. Right now I'm just questioning whether I should even keep doing this. As I'm writing this I'm drafting a post in my head that's like "I'm sorry to say, but I'm going to make the unethical decision to stop talking about Palestine."

I don't want to. Or I don't want to want to. But it's not like I'm doing much now anyways. I'm boycotting. I'm staying away from the big corporations and I've been in multiple fights with my parents over this stuff. I've been doing clicks on that one website, even though I might have missed some days. I've been reblogging Gofundmes even though there's not a lot of people who donate because of me to my knowledge.

I just don't know what to do. That's exactly why I need time to think about this shit and get it sorted out. I wonder if it might be better for me to just step away. Just do my own thing. Figure this whole thing out. I know tumblr has a scammer problem, but I don't think that's what's going on with the majority of these gofundmes.

I'll figure something out. But for now I'm just going to keep to myself. Probably try to stay off Tumblr more. Actually, yeah. I think I'm gonna try to stay off Tumblr more. I thought this place was gonna be better than twitter but shit. Everything is falling apart. I think I'm gonna lower my scroll limit. It might just be temporary but I really need to get off of social media. It's bad for me no matter what website I use.

[brightstrangeworld]

.

[gae-ta]

controversial opinion of the day: the fact that there are people spending ungodly amounts of hours writing about your otp for free and then there’s a whole slew of other people who’d rather play around with htlm and coding and shit to leave a second kudos instead of leaving a comment is why fucking ET won’t visit us

like.. sorry not sorry but kudoses don’t mean shit, i’ve never encountered a person saying “Wow, I got like 50 kudoses... I’m gonna write another chapter!😋”

just go down to the comment section and write something like: I like this a lot, thank you for writing this it makes me feel [keyboard smash] 

or---

“This is awesome. I’ve re-read this story [number] amounts of times now. I love [quote from fic] the most. Reading it is like eating tacos with my eyes”

and if your excuse is “butbutbut my social anxiety😰”

most fics let your leave anonymous reviews.. nobody can trace what you said back to you!

[saragrosie]

I have been sketching. So much tma. Here's some expansions on my Jon and Martin designs I've been doing.

Another note I forgor to mention is I love how after hearing Simon go "it's enough to make your hair turn white" about Martin's office in s4 many of us collectively agreed his hair turned white because of his association with the Lonely. The shared consciousness is real and we use it to play hot potato with the communal brain cell dedicated to the sillies.

Closeup of apocalypse boyfriends (also to the person who said they love my s5 Jon's fancy white girl updo: I think about that every day)

[ayrennaranaaldmeri]

HELAENA WAS A BELOVED QUEEN IN F&B SO OF COURSE RYAN CONDOM HAS TO MAKE THE SMALLFOLK PRAISE THE PERSON WHO WAS BLOCKADING THEIR FOOD TO BEGIN WITH BC PROPAGANDA ONLY WORKS WHEN RHA EN YRA DOES IT AND THROW THE FOOD THEY WERE RIOTING OVER AT HELAENA. I CURSE HIM AND HIS UGLY WRITING.

[deoidesign]

One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)

We all start somewhere!

[cosmicredcadet]

A character looks straight into the camera and says "I'm not interested in romance" and people will still say "No, it's not confirmed they're aromantic!!!" "They could change their mind!!!" "it's a challenge for them to overcome!!!" "They'll have character development that makes them fall in love"

It's like they are given the most blatant answer to a character romantic orientation and they actively ignore it. all the while all it takes is subtext for people to speak as if it is fact for a character to be any other sexuality.

[oneshotgremlin]

happy Friday everyone

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

[yardsards]

hot take but you all NEED to stop telling people to kill themselves.

yes, even *those* people. i don't care if you're talking to some monster who puts live puppies into a wood chipper for fun, don't say that shit.

because mx. puppychipper isn't gonna be affected by your words.

but you know who might be affected? some innocent third party reading the words you said on a public website.

because telling people to kill themselves says "suicide is a punishment for being a bad person. bad people, upon realizing they're bad, should simply commit suicide instead of working to atone for their actions."

and that is NOT a message you wanna be normalizing to anyone, but ESPECIALLY people with depression (who, let's be real, make up a higher than average chunk of this site's userbase). whose mental illness is already telling them that 1: they're an inherently terrible worthless person no matter what they do 2: death is an appealing option.

is reading "kill yourself" once or twice gonna make them do it? nah, probably not. but reading it multiple times a day every day is gonna make their mental health worse. it's probably not good for your mental health to be saying that kind of thing, either.

just knock that shit off. the world is already so hostile to people with mental illness, and managing mental illness and unlearning unhealthy thought patterns is already so difficult. you don't need to be out here making it worse.

[kj-beastboy]

Pregnancy as a kink makes me uncomfortable so man am I glad your pregg Flug stuff is explicitly not kink oriented!

yeah I... don't wanna judge anyone... but it's more than that, it's downright terrifying to me. Blame my hormones bc I'm expecting irl but wow... I'm very sensitive and it feels dehumanizing. but ig that is kinda the point of the kink(?)

it's so common in fandoms!

I'm completely vanilla anyway tho, so not surprising.

I've tried to pretend for a super long time that I'm into kink, but most of them are off putting and I consider them intrusive thoughts, not fantasies. I'm kinda fluctuating between sex-repulsed and neutral (aroace) even fictional... ig kink just isn't for me. I tried so hard to get over it. I know some people in my asks/requests are gonna be disappointed but I'm sorry💔

I'm slightly ashamed of how boring I am and I have serious trouble connecting to anyone in fandoms due to this actually🤕 feel like the most NT autistic person ever.

anyway here's a doodle!

[starry-bi-sky]

realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards

*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then

[leafie-draws]

how am I supposed to draw and focus on art right now when my primordial mammal brain just wants to dig a big deep hole and hide in it

[waitineedaname]

i love the bingge extra because it's like

the horror of realizing you're the dark universe version of yourself. the injustice of seeing this other version of yourself be happy and loved, seeing him be treated with such gentle tenderness from a person who only ever treated you with cruelty

bad sex.