#I'm just sick of these feelings leaking out into the rest of my life

[ask-elliot-doorman-fam]

Pain (Tera Doorman Character Study)

(Hey! Mod here! I've decided to dump these character studies here instead of my main, it just makes more sense. I promise it's the last bit of angst for her... moving onto other members of the cast next.)

The solver is a perfectly fine condition to live with 85% of the time, Tera thinks. It's made her tall, given her access to weapons and abilities she otherwise wouldn't have, and keeps her connected to the rest of her family.

Sure it has downsides. She overheats faster, is kinda scary looking compared to other drones. And there's… the rage. But she feels fine most of the time.

Most of the time…

Because there's one more- much more physical downside.

It starts in the morning, the creaking and groaning of her frame as she gets up to start the day, most of it is simply the overwork of her joints, it's a busy day of school, then patrol, and sometimes she'll pull an all nighter or two…

The majority of the time, the stiffness works out as she gets moving, something not even noticed as she goes about her daily activities.

But sometimes…. sometimes it doesn't.

Those are the days where she wakes up with her back- her wing scars, stinging and sensitive like they're fresh, her back and shoulders sore and aching- and those are the bad days.

Where any minor touch to her back sends jolts of pain to her core, even the rubbing of her clothing sets it off, leading to less layers- or no layers of she can get away with it. If it's a lazy day, it's not so bad; it's just her hanging out shirtless in her room until the sensitivity dies down.

If it's not a lazy day, it sucks a little more. School has the desk digging into her back, her clothes are irritating at best, and patrols are an inch shy of driving her crazy; especially if there's actually something to fight. But it's still manageable.

And then there are the really bad days…

Where she'll wake up overheating, clammy and still exhausted. The scars that marked her wings becoming seeping wounds, inflamed and angry, bleeding out onto her bedsheets and soaking through her clothes.

Which leads us into now, her ripping off her pajama shirt with extreme prejudice as her back leaked oil, closing her eyes as her hands tremble and she bites her lip to keep from voicing the scream that wants to claw it's way out of her throat.

On the really bad days, it becomes something she can't hide, despite her efforts. School's a no go, if someone even politely touches her shoulder it would end in her upping her body count against her will. Patrols and Hunts were similarly impossible- combat is rough with two open wounds on your back.

So she calls in sick, strips, and lays belly down in utter misery until her own body decides it's done mauling her back and they heal back over, letting her continue her life normally.

Which is what she's doing now, listening to music with her head hanging off the side of the bed, writhing in pain. Four different fans blowing on her from different directions to keep her temperature down, and a stockpile of oil N had put put for her the second he'd caught wind of one of her “Bad Days.”

There's a knock on the door.

“Hey Jellybean. How's it going?” It's Uzi, she walks in without waiting for Tera to answer, making her roll her eyes and grumble.

“That's a dumbass question.” Tera snapped, feeling her scars throb with a wave of pain. “Sorry. That was rude.” She apologizes a second later.

“Yeah, but it was a valid answer.” Uzi just hums, not insulted in the slightest. “Guess it hasn't let up any?” She asks, using the solver to pick up any carelessly thrown articles of clothing.

“No.” Tera grumbles back, muffled under the pillows she's stuffed her head in.

“Do you need anything?” Her mother asks, and Tera can't help but smile a little.

“I'm okay. It'll be over soon.” Is her response, it's deadpan, thankfully Uzi speaks angsty teen.

“Mm. “I'm okay" is a complete lie. I'm sitting here watching you writhe like you got kicked in the core.” Uzi said back, very much feeling like she was having a conversation with herself; but younger and somehow even more angsty.

“Be better if I had no nagging.” Tera grunted, giving her mom an impressive side eye. Uzi just chuckled, “That's fair…”

“Just shout if you need anything okay?” Uzi said softly, walking up to her much taller daughters figure laying on the bed and pressing a light kiss on her forehead.

“Ew gross.” Tera mumbled, but her tail still wagged regardless. “I'm literally almost eighteen.”

“Yeah? Tough, if I'm able to take care of you you bet your ass I am.” Uzi snapped back, “I'm your mom, it's my job.”

She then sighed again, “Try and get some sleep, I know you didn't get any, okay?”

Uzi ruffled her daughters hair, she hadn't bothered putting it up that morning, so it just hung around her limply.

“Yeah. I'll Try, thanks mom.” Tera replied, as Uzi walked out; fresh pile of laundry suspended in the air above her with the solver.

It took a couple of minutes before she decided to wrangle herself out of bed, she was starting to be able to feel the oil stick to her back, so it was time to wash off… great.

She got to the bathroom, already wearing nothing but a pair of shorts she'd probably stolen from Rad at some point, and sat on the stool there.

A drone bathroom was different then a human one, no toilet for starters, but there was a washbasin, really just a big wooden tub filled with collected rainwater and heated with salvaged heating coils.

She grabbed a rag and braced herself, dousing it in warm water before reaching back and beginning to wipe away the oil.

She winced, making a pained hum as the rag made contact, pushing more oil up to the surface and running down her silicone. She took a deep breath- and kept going.

It was a slow process, filled with whimpers and grunts of pain and small breaks to catch her breath. It would have probably been leagues better if she had someone to help, but she didn't trust anyone else to not be too rough, or even see her like this to be frank.

When she was done, the rag was stained with black and red and the washbasin had a thin veneer of oil shimmering on the top and she sighed and held her visor.

Most days were better.

Today was not.

[ummmlife]

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami Boyfriend

part 2

warnings! : nanami x afab reader ; slight nsfw (still mdni) ; angst (?) ; headcanon ; salaryman!nanami ; if none of this makes sense (spelling and grammatically speaking) i'm sorry but my first language isn't english (lol)

What comes to my mind thinking about Salaryman!Nanami is: misery.

This man lives miserably in a constant depressive state that he isn't even aware of. He lives in a monotone routine that consists of: waking up at 5 a. m., getting ready for work, take the subway when is rush hour, getting at the office at 6:37 and start working at 7 o'clock for 8+ hours, have a casse-croûte for lunch, then leave the office at 1 a. m., get back home for a shower and sleep. Then repeat this over and over again.

The ambience of the city full of other corporative slaves just like him filling every single space of negative energy ends up draining him as well. An endless cycle of stress and tiredness that keeps, slowly but surely, consuming him.

That's how the life of a salaryman is.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami will always come back home extremely tired, wanting nothing but a glass of whiskey and a migraine pill.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami would try to pretend that everything is fine when he gets paid every month, just to then feel a knot in his throat after paying every bill.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami who feels helpless every time he finds you completely asleep on the couch after a failed attempt to try to stay awake to wait for him to get home.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami will do his best to spend more time with you but that only happens twice a month because he craves to sleep on his free days.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami who could get sick very often due to overworking himself and, basically, venerates you for taking care of him.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami who cries himself to sleep silently every night when he's in bed with you while you're sleeping because he feels that he's losing his life in a job that is taking away his best years.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami who hates himself for not having enough time for you as he had before and fears that he's ruining your relationship.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami whose libido is lower than 0 and has no energy to even have sex anymore, but begs you to cockwarm him to sleep, because the warm of your pussy hugging his dick brings him comfort. He doesn't just want to cuddle with you, he doesn't just want to hug you, he wants to feel as close as possible.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami who will cum immediately once his dick is deep inside of you because, honestly, he can't last a minute with you anymore. Of course, he won't pull out, so get ready to sleep with his thick cum filling your womb and wake up with his flaccid dick still inside while his little "gift" from last night keeps leaking from your inside.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami will shyly ask you to let him sleep with his head on your chest to squeeze your tits and suck your nipples for stress relief.

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami who ends up collapsing in front of you like a little kid and who you end up convincing to leave his job.

After watching your boyfriend have a mental breakdown, which you never thought possible, you had him lean over you on the couch while he calmed down a bit and stopped crying. —"I really don't know what would be of me without you... you are an angel in my life, thank you."

Miserable Salaryman!Nanami that just quit his job and took part of his savings to go on a trip with you to Malaysia, so he can finally rest in peace next to you on a nice beach with no more worries in his life.

shitty concept and shitty headcanons, yes, but i really like miserable (big) men craving comfort from their partners :) that's all ‹𝟹

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

My thoughts & feeling about the Imbibitor Lunae's recent story leaks, in regards to Renheng / Xingyue & Dan feng himself

i'm pretty sure other folks have made posts trying to piece together the timeline, but even with the actual story sections the events of Dan Feng's sins are still super unclear

Starting with Dan Feng because he's my skrunkly; this dude really thought his power and position made him god-like with little regard to mortals below him while fighting with the HCQ

i know there were past leaks where DF was vaguely described as pretty emotionless and detached. but man he really does not give a shit people with his active detachment BUT the quick gazes & mentioned sharing drinks with the HCQ really makes it seem like DF went from consistent detachment throughout his current & past lives and then became absolutely ride or die for his (new) friends.

I have a feeling that the constant cycle of being reborn & being forced immediately into preparing to be the High Elder, Being the High Elder & caring out those duties, and dying as the High Elder. The cycle keeps going on and on. He probably had no TIME to indulge in normal ass things like friends or any other non-professional social life. But them he meets these 4 weirdos who treat him as just One Of The Guys and immediately comes ride or die for them.

The mask of emotionless & cold detachment comes crumbling down around his new found friends. This honestly probably punches DF in the gut because these sensations are new and wack to him, I love the idea of him being a lil unhinged and drunk on the power of friendship BUT ONLY with the HCQ. the emotional whiplash the people around him problem experience is probably so hilarious because they see him having a blast with his friends and theyre like omg is that the high elder omg i didn't think he was such a party lizard but then IMMEDIATELY goes back into his cold & collected personality the moment someone else interacts with them all. The moment he starts feeling the power of friendship he's like "am i sick? whats happening to me oh my god why does my brain feel like bees" unable to process the emotions trying to reboot his brain constantly like a fucking windows computer. we love an autistic king!

ok this was supposed to a more serious post abt DF & the actual events in the leaked story but my brain automatically thinks of HCQ shenanigans

do i need to say more about "that exceedingly arrogant craftsman" like holy Fucking Shit this is fucking gay. his emotionless detachment in battle & his quick/mostly neutral thoughts about his other friends, but with Yingxing he goes into gay annoyance/admiration mode.

I really wish that Yingxing wasn't a short-lifed species because this whole dynamic SCREAMS slow-burn to me. DF's standoff-ish behavior & genuine annoyance towards YX and his arrogance but it slowly becomes more & more endearing as the rest of the HCQ get him to come outta his "stick up his ass" shell to eventually the realization hits and becomes giddy & drunk on his overwhelmingly intense love for YX and becomes a slightly feral lizard, even in public with the HCQ And giving YX gay gay homosexual gay immortality dragon heart juice would still be a thing with YX dying in battle.

Before I end this, I'll just touch up on the more Depressing events in DH IL's story leaks:

DF's emotional detachment to others & friendly relationship with the HCQ leads him & YX to wanting to carry out some sort of "Plan" which probably involves whatever conversation DF & YX we were able to listen in on at Scalegorge Waterscape (or was DF just sneaking YX into Scalegorge Waterscape so that he could research Vidyadhara craftsman techniques?). But since these are DH's dreams even HE doesn't know whats going on.

my general thought process was: DF & YX are planning something together (making YX immortal?), weird fucking shapeshifting flesh monster is tthere?, YX telling him to commit to a decision, DF having the star & red bloodcell vision (was he glanced at by Yaoshi while trying to use the Dragon heart to make YX immortal?), Then Baiheng comes crashing into to try and stop the monster (why was she THERE?)

it doesn't make sense that Baiheng was the one DF planning to bring new life to. Since her sudden appearance is a surprise to him & YX was only described as wounded but able to protect and use his sword

since these are DH's dreams & fragmented memories. With out the other story beats, could it be possible that the "bury his old friend" and "grant them new life" were two different people? DF coming to grant YX immortality but Baiheng gets disintegrated thus DF buries a friend & give the other new life.

Were missing a lot of context here, did YX later get injured so badly that DF tries to revive him? or was the Yaoshi flesh monster completely unrelated and they HCQ were trying to stop it and beiheng fucking dies? does DF try to bring Baiheng back while having his weird ass blood and flesh vision & things go Very Wrong and YX gets caught in the crossfire, making him into the monster we know today? is that why Blade is always going on about how him & DF have to pay the price for THEIR sins? They tried to bring Baiheng back and committed the greatest taboo and they created something horrible (Baiheng abomination & Blade's immortality?)

I'm gonna try Not dwelling on the details here since we need even MORE context now. This post is getting SO long, i will leave it at that & think more about HQC domestic bliss

[cosmica-galaxy]

How would jeb react to his egg hatching?

Jeb was a patient man. A very patient man.

He has dealt with the egomaniacs at the Nexus Facility, the insane ramblings and actions of his once close friend, the hubris of the AAHW, and the audacity of Hank Wimbleton. At this point, you would think he would be a saint.

But this...this was beginning to break his patience. Not out of anger...but out of worry. Worry for his precious egg. Why?

It was late to hatch.

He had done the regular check-ups he was supposed to do. He kept it warm while it was his turn on shift. His Player had done the same. Both parents doing their respective parts to care for the egg and made sure it was clean. He even triple checked the due date again and again.

The egg was due to hatch 2 weeks ago.

It still sat dormant with no cracks and no change.

Jeb was now eaten up with worry and guilt. Had he done something wrong? Did the egg get too cold and he didn't know? Did it possibly get too hot from the periodic baths they would give it? Was it sick? Stillborn? Jeb tapped his foot as he continued to stare at the egg sitting on the pillows on their shared bed. Still no signs of visible life.

He lost sleep over this, he can feel the bags under his eyes pulling at his eyelids. But he won't know a peaceful rest until...hopefully...the little one is born.

"Jeb...? Honey?"

Jeb blinks slowly back to the present as he turns to see his lover, the Player, standing in the door. Looking at him in worry.

"You're still awake?"

Jeb could only sigh.

"I...I can't sleep, my beloved. The egg is grossly overdue. It should've hatched 2 weeks ago...I'm worried something has gone wrong."

The Player could only look at their lover sadly before walking over and sitting next to him on the couch in their shared bedroom, giving him a good side rub of affection as they sit next to him.

"Maybe they're just late, sweetie. If we give them a little more time, maybe they'll pop out. We can only hope."

"Hm. Hope can only get you so far..."

"But it brought me to you, didn't it?"

Jeb could only smile as you return it and nuzzle him lovingly. Both of you look at the egg in worry as you sigh in slight despair. It has been a long time...maybe...maybe something did go wrong? What if they were never going to arrive...? What if they...

"My beloved..."

You only snap out of your thoughts when you feel Jeb brush a thumb under one of your eyes, revealing that you had leaked a tear from your negative thoughts.

"Are you sure you should be asking ME if I'm alright?"

You let your lip wiggle a bit as you look down in worry.

"I'm just...I'm worried. I'm SO worried. We have done everything and did everything we could...but the egg still isn't hatching! What did we do wrong? Was it...was it doomed from the beginning? Have we already lost it?"

You whimper, leaning into Jeb as he wraps his arms around you in an effort to comfort you. He wants to weep too, as the possibility of his child being gone was growing higher and higher by the moment the longer the due date passes. But now, his lover weeps in his arms as he stares hopefully at the egg. Just praying that it would show some form of life.

But then...in this dark hour for you both...a sound is heard. One that filled you both with so much hope.

Crack!

The Player's weeping pauses as both parents look towards the egg in astonishment. Even Jeb could barely believe his eyes as a large crack forms on the top of the egg and...it begins to wiggle!

Both of you jump up off the sofa and hurry to the bedside, watching in growing anxious anticipation as the egg wiggles and more and more cracks develop on the once-pristine shell.

"J-Jebby! The egg!"

"I see it! I see it!"

Both parents excitedly wait with baited breath as the egg wiggles even more and a large ring of cracks develops around the top of the egg.

Then, the top falls to pieces and a small glittering gray face comes wiggling out of the shell. A little band of light separates from the glittering skin of the infant and begins to hover just above their head, just like a miniature version of the keystone fragment.

After that, the infant begins to squeak and whimper in an effort to vocalize. Enticing both parents to lean closer and nuzzle the new arrival affectionately.

"Oh Jebby! They're here! They're okay!!"

The Player cheers as they scoop up the remaining eggshell, along with the infant, and holds them closer to their body. Snuggling the new arrival lovingly as Jeb embraces them both, allowing the little one to rub against his facial hair in an effort to bond with the new parents.

"Heh...little one, you gave us both a scare. We thought you weren't gonna make it...but I see that hope still has some value, even in Nevada. Welcome to the world."

Jeb purrs out as the little one lets out more squeaks in response.

Making both parents let out gentle laughs as they embrace their new infant and finally become a whole family after a terrifyingly long incubation time.

[arthropooda]

My breathing is getting worse again. This will be the fifth antibiotic resistance I've had. It's by far worse than any bronchitis I've ever heard of. They said I don't have pneumonia anymore but almost all my symptoms are the same severity, and it's in both lungs now.

I can't sleep because I can't stop coughing and internally it sounds like a Geiger counter. I'm just really scared. I'm on 10+ prescriptions. I'm sure all of this is related to having covid in September because I have never before been a fraction of this ill ever in my life. I wear a mask virtually everywhere but finally caught covid doing odd jobs and errands for a wealthy person who did not wear a mask. I've felt weaker ever since that happened but really could not afford to slow down or take a break to get better. I couldn't even rest enough while actually having covid because I was living with a denier and my spouse would not let me come to our house during that time. I did at least get to take paxlovid but was pretty much forced to be active during that time and immediately go back to work after.

Then, a month later, I got extremely ill from a cold my coworker had. I went to urgent care for high fever but because I went during one of the only breaks in the actual fever, I was given nothing for it and it kept coming back until I had pneumonia.

Then, I went to a university hospital where I feel more mistakes were made, like giving me something too weak for too short a time, giving me antibiotics through a bad iv, and not releasing me with any oral antibiotic. They also would not let me have my blood pressure medication so I had extremely high blood pressure the whole time I was there (also a problem I did not have before covid).

Now I have two inhalers and a home nebulizer. Sometimes I feel like I just pass out from not having enough oxygen. It feels like physically moving my lungs to breathe is difficult, even beyond oxygen saturation. I have been to a marginally better hospital, but it takes longer to get to and I know if the ER were busy it would probably be as bad as the university one. I have an appointment with a specialist on boxing day, which was the soonest I could get since this started, even after being admitted (the university hospital made me an appointment for the end of January and I've been back in the ER twice since then). I don't know if I can even wait for five more days. Since the first time I went to the ER I haven't been out of the hospital for as long as a week without then feeling worse and needing to go back even more urgently. Based on all of this, I will probably have to go back by Saturday.

I know there are lots of stories like mine but I just wanted to make a longer post about it in case I feel too badly to do it later.

Cautionary advice:

wear your mask; only take it off if you are specifically willing to get sick from the environment/activity you're engaging in.

If you have persistent high fever, do not lie on your side if you are crying, laughing, or congested; this can easily cause an infection to spread to the lung on the side you're lying on. Also, if you already have an infection of that severity, don't even lean to one side while laughing or crying because that can make it suddenly worse and further spread the infection. I just feel like I need to include this because it can happen so easily.

Everyone probably knows this but if you have a busted vein, do not use an iv on the same vein, even if medical staff say it doesn't matter. It does matter, and getting an infusion that just leaks out of a busted vein instead of actually circulating intravenously will not have the same effect and will cause complications.

If you have antibiotic resistance and you get iv antibiotics and then leave the facility before you're in good health, you need to go home with oral antibiotics. Really this is probably a good idea even without prior antibiotic resistance since an incomplete course just makes resistance more likely.

[tetsunabouquet]

Basic Instinct Chapter 21

A/N: Some angst from Reader-Chan's side as she talks with Akashi's grandma, so heads up! You know the associated warnings at this point. Masterpost

After dinner, Akashi's grandmother had invited you to the drawing room, so the two of you could have a chat about your mother. A topic that always left you feeling sick with anxiety. You didn't knew how she was respond, what she would do. Having been used to an unstable life, you were always extremely hypervigilant about the topic, and you could feel the tension between your shoulder blades. You sat down in front of her, trying not to feel like you were going to throw up. "There is no need to look so frightened, I will not do anything against your will. Seijuro tells me your mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, and from what I've heard about it I can imagine your mother to be quite controlling. That is not my intention and I will not cross any of your boundaries. It's safe." There was something about her saying it was safe that triggered you as you could feel the burning sensation of tears in your eyes. You didn't want to cry in front of Akashi's grandmother without even having said a word about it, you didn't want to break down so easily. You didn't want to seem weak. "Yes, that is true." You managed to say, holding back your tears. "My mom has BPD." Rima nodded calmly, "Has she ever received psychiatric help before?" You inhaled, "Yeah. When she was pregnant she thought it was important, so she could become a better mom." "And did she stop thinking it was important?" You bit your lip as tears leaked from your eyes. You nodded, being unable to respond in words. "When did she stop therapy?" "When I was small, s-she relapsed wh-when I was about n-nine," you hiccuped. Rima looked at you, and couldn't help but feel sorry, for you had lost the mother that you knew at such a tender age. 'She was even younger than Sei-Chan when Shiori passed away. It must be such a painful loss'. "Where's your father?" "On a bussines trip overseas, he is most of the ti-time. I feel like he's just t-trying to escape her." You looked like such an unloved child, it broke Rima's heart in a maternal way. "Does your mother at least take some medication?" You shook your head, as more tears rolled down your face. "Now, I'll see to it what I can do, but I do need to know the grounds of which I can operate. You don't seem to be hiding any bruises, but what about emotional abuse, neglect?" You gritted your teeth. "When she's mad at me, she'll c-call me names and say mean s-stuff." You wiped your face with your sleeve. "L-like," you took a deep breath, trying to say the following sentences without hiccuping over your words, "I'm a parasite that suck away her happiness." Whilst you got the sentence out, the words triggered a new wave of tears, and Rima stood up so she could come over and hold you close. You cried in the elderly lady's warm arms, as she patted the back of your head. "It's alright, it must be so hard for you. Does she take proper care of your needs?" You shook your head. "For a couple of yea-years now she ref-refuses to cook dinner when she d-doesn't feel like it. For e-example." Rima sighed, and she continued patting your head. After a while, when you started calming down, she said, "How about you meet up with Seijuro before going to bed. You should allow yourself to be loved." Your lips trembled, but you did as she said after thanking her.

And thus you rested your head against Seijuro's shoulder. The two of you were allowed to hang out in his new bedroom, and you were curled up against him, using his bed as an improvised couch as he had been going through a photo album of his mom's childhood whilst you had been talking with his grandmother. You looked at the album, but you didn't really see it. Your mind was in a distant place, the softness of the matrass, silk sheets and Akashi's hand that was rubbing soft, comforting circles on your back was soothing you and you were too emotionally exhausted not to give in and space out. "You know, you should go to sleep and take some care of yourself. I'll be here, in the same house as you for the next couple of days. We'll enjoy ourselves plenty tomorrow, okay?" You looked at him and he kissed your forehead. Smiling lazily, you said, "It really was nice to see you before going to bed." "Perhaps someday we'll be sleeping in the same bed, and you can relax as you listen to me breathe." Akashi teased. "You shouldn't let your grandmother hear that!" You giggled and got off the bed. "Can't wait for that day though, goodnight." "Goodnight my love."

[damien-devil-art]

Gay stalker story part 3 When I get home, I try the cupcake first. It tastes a little too salty and I start to feel sick afterwards (little does are protagonist now but the weird kid cummed in the batter because he wanted to "put his love in.") Even though I feel a little sick I still feel bad so I try one of the chocolates as I bite into it the horror sets in as I realize that there's blood leaking out of the chocolate. The chocolates are full of his blood! I- I don't know what to do… but honestly knowing that he went through the work of filling the chocolates with his own blood just to apologize to me makes me feel, well special. The next day I head out of the house to go to school and he's standing right outside of my house with a bundle of roses. His eyes are watery and around them it's raw red with scratches on his face. I asked worriedly what happened, and he says that he was crying all night just because he missed me so much. And when I bring up the scratches he says the euphoria of me apologizing to him was just too much for his body to handle. He talks about how he spent all night crying and throwing up and violently shaking. I'm in shock but I feel like I shouldn't make a big deal out of it because I don't want to upset him. After school that day I let him walk home with me and he finally admits how he stalked me everyday hoping that I would talk to him. We say our goodbyes at the door and when I come inside, my mom says "well you're late." I shrug. "Hey take me seriously! You didn't call or anything, something bad could have happened to you!" Sorry… (she sighs) that night I'm laying in bed getting ready to sleep when the window opens and the weird kid is hanging outside my house. He jumps into my room. "I- I'm so sorry… I just couldn't take another night without you!" I can't believe he just broke into my house. It's ok. He gets in bed right beside me. He asks me about my day, who did I talk to, what did I do, what books do I like, what's my favorite food. He says he wants to know more about me. He wants to know everything about me. I tell him about my family, my mom, dad and younger siblings. I asked him about his family and tells me he doesn't really have a good home life. He has an abusive family and his parents don't really make any money so he is starving most of the time. I finally asked him why me? Why am I so special? "I don't know. I just saw you on the first day of school and something clicked in my brain. My head chose you as my obsession. And now I need you, you were chosen as my new obsession." He then asks if we can cuddle. Of course I say yes. He grabs me tight and inhales all of my scent. He rests his head on my chest like a pillow and squeezes me. I stroke his hair and he holds me and he feels my warmth infused with his body. He melts into me and for a moment it feels like time itself is standing still as we stay like this. We talk for hours until we slowly fall asleep together like this.

[ftm2bbw]

You've had post-nut clarity before, but this hits you like nothing else has before. You can feel his cum, deep and warm inside your cunt. His cock is still buried inside you, twitching, the last few spurts dribbling out of him as he softens. His words still echo in your mind.

Pretty girl...

Fat fucking cow...

God damn this gigantic ass...

Fuck fuck fuck, here it cums...

The aftermath is awkward, laying there covered in sweat, not sure of what to do next as he pulls out of you and starts cleaning himself up. You know you ought to do something about the fertile seed he's left inside you, but you can't even bring yourself to sit up, your fat belly and enormous, heavy tits rising and falling with deep breaths. He asks you if you need a ride home, but that's about it. He just used you like a toy to get himself off, kneading your tits and fucking your cunt. And that's about it.

You aren't even sure that you should tell your partner, debating back and forth on the Uber ride home. You shouldn't fight fire with fire, the relationship already strained, so you decide to keep it to yourself. You just went out for the night. No questions. A lie of omission, if anything. Throwing away the panties that you wore when you realize that some of his cum did leak out of you and stain them.

You can keep it a secret, you tell yourself. You blame the morning sickness on something else. You say that you're trying to cut back on drinking for your health. Baby weight clings to your body, but you were always fat and greedy, so many it's just more and more of that. Hormonal mood swings aren't uncommon, though they do seem to be getting much worse.

But, as the weeks fly by, things get harder to hide. How do you explain the widening of your hips, not just padded with fat but actually wider? How do you explain the way your nipples have gotten bigger, darker. Your belly button has started smoothing out as your baby bump grows bigger by the day. And you can't hide the pumping sessions that now sometimes last hours. The jokes about you being a cow were right, you're a natural milk producer.

The shame. The humiliation. And a pregnancy too far along to stop it. Nothing to do but let it run its course as your partner looks on you with disgust. They become so much more forceful in their teasing, bordering on cruelty as they play with your udders and edge your pregnant body mercilessly.

You knew it was wrong and yet you did it anyway. You weren't in control that night, eight months ago. Your body was. Your womb was. It dictated its needs and the rest of you followed suit.

And now, here you are. Pregnant and nearly ready to burst. Fifty pounds heavier. On your hands and knees as your partner inspects your body, treating you roughly. Cupping your puffy, pregnant cunt and asking how it felt to be railed and bred. No matter what your answer, they just sneer and call you a pathetic, greedy cow slut.

And you know that's what you are.

Fuuuuuuck. I shouldn't admit how wet this made me, I really shouldn't.

I'm not sure what would be more embarassing, getting knocked up from the first time I fuck my friend. Or going back over and over and over, so desperate to be bred and so at the mercy of my womb that I can't help but get fucked and filled until it takes.

What's worse, beyond all the shame and humilation, feeling my womb swell with life would only want it more. Part of me would hate my fertility, hate that I was locked in for a full nine months of this, hate that I did this to my partner and our relationship. But an even bigger part of me would just feel so right, constantly horny at the swelling of my belly and my tits and my fertile hips and ass.

I'd given into my womb and there'd be no going back from there, ever. Just a fertile, fat cow who gave up on her transition and her morals to get bred again and again and again...

[rogeriswater]

Don't Leave Me Now

xxxviii

This work contains fictionalized versions of real events and people. Most details won’t be accurate to real life.

tags for this chapter: p.o.v changes, a bit of some lactation kink, IT'S HAPPENING YA'LL, Ronnie being a protective older sister <3

September, 1969

~m.r~

The months of the tour went by. And with every month that came, the bigger my stomach got. You could now tell that I was, in fact, pregnant. Even with the maternity dresses that I wore. I couldn't even see my own feet anymore. It made it difficult whenever I tried to put on my boots, but thankfully, Roger was there to help my when I needed it.

He was so sweet and attentive to my needs. He was always fussing over me whenever we had rehearsals and I showed any signs of aching or tiredness. Like the rehearsal we were having right now. I was standing at my mic, singing along to the music my bandmates were playing.

And if you don't mind I'll spend my time Here by the fire side In the warm light and the love in her eyes

This had been another song that Roger wrote for me. There was another ache in my back and it caused me to groan in pain and put my hands to my back, instead of singing the next lyric. I heard the bass stop completely and I rolled my eyes. Here comes Roger fretting over me. "Sunshine, are you alright?" He had worry in his tone as he put his bass down and came over to me.

"Yes, Roger, I'm okay" I told him. "It was just another pain in my back"

"You wait here, love, and I'll go get you a chair" He said. He ran off to go find me a chair to go sit in.

I heard chuckling coming from the other boys. They were huddled around Nick's drum set, gossiping like a bunch of high school girls. "What's so funny?" I asked them.

"Do you think if I get pregnant, Roger will take care of me like that?" Nick jokes. "Because I call in sick and all I get is "you will play drums until you vomit, and even after, you'll still play" from him"

"You know Mags, if we didn't know any better, we'd think Roger is the one that got you pregnant" Rick says. Panic sets in momentarily, but I try not to let it show.

"Roger is just being considerate of my condition" I said, putting my hands on my very pregnant belly. "Lord knows Billy hasn't been" I muttered to myself. He still has me fetching him beers for him when he knows full well I should be resting when I'm not doing band stuff. Those thoughts were quickly interrupted when I heard the boys choking on the air and their own spit. "What the fuck is wrong with you guys?"

David avoided my gaze. "You're--er--leaking" Oh, shit! Did my water break and I haven't even noticed? I'm pretty sure I would have felt it. I looked between my legs and saw that it was dry. "Not there"

I looked down and I caught on to what David was trying to tell me. There were wet patches on my dress, right where my nipples were. "Ah, shit" I muttered. No wonder my breasts had been so swollen and tender lately. I was already producing milk.

Roger came back with a chair for me. "Here you go, sunshine" He said, and stopped right in his tracks when he saw the wet patches on my dress. "M-Maggie..." He stuttered.

"I know, I know" I said, waving my hand at him. "I'm going to my dressing room to change"

"Let me help you!" Roger blurted, just a little too quickly and with too much excitement. I didn't argue with him on that, for I was already thinking of how else he could help me once we're alone. It was a slow walk for me to the dressing room. Roger walked beside me, keeping his hand on my lower back.

Roger and I made it to my dressing room. I sat on the couch and sighed with relief as I was off my feet. Roger sat beside me on the couch. He carefully lifted my feet and put them on his lap. He began to rub my feet and I sighed in relief. "Oh, that feels so good" I moaned.

"Darling, maybe you should sit this one out tonight" Roger suggested to me. I gave him a glare. "Don't look at me like that. You're nine months pregnant, you can barely stand, and you're leaking milk"

"Yeah, but it's not like the baby is coming tonight" I said. I sat up a little bit and started unbuttoning the front of my dress. "And speaking of leaking milk, I need you to do something for me"

Roger watched with hungry eyes as I undid the buttons on my dress. "And what would that be, darling?" His voice was raspy with lust.

"Well, I don't have a pump of any sort, and fucking hell Roger, my tits are so sore" I got the last button undone and pulled my dress open. Roger's eyes went wide when he saw my tits. I could hear his breath hitch just at the sight of milk leaking from my nipples. "I just need some sort of relief Roger, please" My tone was desperate.

He cleared his throat. "You want me to...drink the milk?"

I cringed when I realized how weird my request was. I was basically asking my lover if I could breastfeed him. But I was so desperate for relief from the pressure, I didn't know what else to do. "That's really fucking weird to ask, isn't it?" I said. "Okay, you don't have to drink, but at least massage them or something--"

"I never said I didn't want to do it" He said, his voice low and raspy. His large hands enveloped my swollen tits and he began to massage them. God, that already felt so good. "If it helps you, it'd be my pleasure" He lowered his head to my stomach. "Hey, little one, I hope you don't mind if I have some of mommy's milk. It just feels very uncomfortable for her and she needs my help to relieve it" Roger put his ear to my stomach and nodded as if the baby was talking to him. Then he lifted his head and looked at me. "The little one says to have as much as I want"

I giggled. "What are you waiting for then, lover? Help yourself"

Roger smirked. "Gladly." He squeezed my breasts gently. As he did so, a little droplet of milk came out of both nipples. "Christ love" He groaned. I giggled. If I didn't know any better, it would seem like someone had a bit of a lactation kink. Roger leaned in and licked the drop of milk from my nipple. He moaned at the taste. "Fuck, that's really good" His lips wrapped around my nipple and he started suckling the milk. I felt instant relief. I could tell Roger was enjoying it too. He was moaning every time the milk hit his tongue. Once he's drained one tit of milk, he moves onto the other one. The sounds he made as he slurped on my milk were so fucking hot. Once he was finished, he pulled away. He still had a drop of milk on his lips, but his tongue quickly darted out to clean it. "How does that feel, darling? There was quite a bit of milk in there"

I sighed, finally feeling relieved. "So much better. Thank you"

"If you ever need me to do that again, you just let me know, okay?" Roger says with a smirk.

"Oh, you liked that did you?" I giggled.

"I already love sucking on your tits, and now I get a little treat when I do" He gives my tits one last caress before he helps me button my dress back up.

I noticed the bulge in his jeans and it made me giggled. "Did my naughty boy get hard from that?"

Roger chuckles. "To be fair, darling, everything you do makes me hard. I always have to hide my erections on stage"

"Do you want me to help you relieve it?" I started reaching for the front of his jeans but he grabbed my hands.

"Don't worry about me right now, okay?" Roger said, giving my hands a kiss. "You need to relax. And I'm sorry to do this to you, love, but you're going to sit tonight out."

"Roger, no!" I whined.

"You're nine months pregnant, and that baby could come out at any moment. I don't need you popping out a baby on stage"

"This is your fault, you know" I grumbled. "You're the reason I'm pregnant"

Roger smirked proudly at that. "And don't you forget it, sunshine" He said, leaning in to give me a kiss. His hand went to my belly. As soon as it did, I felt the kick in my belly, as if the baby knew their father was there.

"The baby knows you're there, love" I told him.

Roger smiled. He put his head closer to my stomach. "That's right, little one, daddy's here, and he already loves you so much." He kissed my belly, causing the baby to kick again. "Did you feel that, darling?" He asked me.

I smiled at how excited he was. "That baby loves you already, Roger" He laid his head on my belly. There was just something about the sight of your lover's head on your pregnant belly that was just so beautiful.

...

I was basically confined to my dressing room during the show. I would rather be on stage performing right now, but Roger was too stubborn, insisting I rest instead. He assigned Alan to look after me so I wouldn't be alone, and in case anything happened, there was someone here with me. Out of all our roadies, I was probably closest with Alan. I even told him the truth about Roger and I, and he swore not to tell a soul. All of a sudden, I felt a cramping sensation in my lower stomach. It made me wince, and it caused Alan to look at me. "Are you okay, Maggie?" He asked me.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine" I told him. "Just thought I felt a cramp." I could tell I concerned Alan with that news. A pregnant woman feeling cramps this late in her pregnancy only meant one thing. "They aren't contractions, Alan"

"If you're sure" He said. About thirty minutes passed before I felt another cramp. I winced again. Alan checked his watch. "That was half an hour since the first one"

"What are you trying to tell me Alan?" I asked him, my tone a bit snappy. I didn't mean to be but these cramps were fucking awful.

"Today might be the day Maggie" He said.

"Nope!" I shook my head. "This baby is staying in me until this tour is over, even if I have to make it stay in" I felt another cramp again, only this one was more intense. My eyes shut tight and I gripped my stomach. "Bloody hell! That one hurt!"

"Maggie, maybe we should get you to a hospital"

"Alan, I'm fine!" I tried to tell him. I stood up and felt another cramp. This one made me cry out in pain. "G-go get my sister!" I could tell Alan was a little hesitant about leaving me alone when I was beginning my contractions. He left and I was only left alone for about three minutes before he returned with Ronnie.

"I'm here, pup" Ronnie said, immediately rushing over to my side. "I'm here" She wrapped her arms around me and started rubbing my arm.

I began to cry. "I don't want to do this, Ronnie. Not today"

"I know" She cooed soothingly. "But it looks like the baby isn't giving you much choice"

"I want Roger!" I cried.

"The show will be finished soon, and then Roger will be here, okay? Do you think you can hold out until then?" My sister asked me. I was ready to say yes, but unfortunately, I felt something wet splash between my legs. Of fucking course my water had to break now. Ronnie noticed as well. "Okay, pup, you are having this baby now. We need to get you to a hospital"

"I already called one, and it's on the way" Alan said.

Ronnie turned to Alan. "Go let Roger know that this baby is coming" Alan nodded and then ran out of the room.

"But he's doing--"

"There's going to be many other shows, pup" Ronnie said. "But there's only one chance to witness the birth of your first child. I know he's not going to want to miss that." I just nodded as I continued to cry. My sister kissed the top of my head. "It'll be okay, pup"

~r.w~

We were just about to start our second set when I noticed Alan standing off to the side. What was he doing here? He's supposed to be with Maggie. I nodded at Alan, telling him to come over while we prepared for our second set. "Is everything okay?" I asked him.

"Maggie's water just broke" He tells me.

I freeze at that, and look at Alan with wide eyes. "Where is she?"

"She's still in her dressing room"

Without a second thought, I put my bass down and make a run for Maggie's dressing room. I don't care that I've now just completely abandoned the show and my bandmates. I don't care about Steve's yelling at me as I run past him. All I care about is getting to my Maggie. She needs me right now. I make it to her dressing room. First thing I noticed was the big wet stain on the floor. Oh my God, this was really happening. My gaze falls to Maggie and Ronnie who are sitting on the couch together. "Look Maggie, Roger's here" Ronnie says to Maggie.

Maggie lifts her head from her sister's shoulder and she looks at me. "Roger!"

I go over to her and I kneel in front of her. "It'll be okay, sunshine" I take her hands in mine and kiss them. "I'm here, okay?"

"What is going on!?" I can hear Steve's angry tone. I turn my head to look at him and his face softens when he sees the state that Maggie's in. "Did someone call an ambulance?"

"One is on the way" Alan says.

"And what about Billy?" Steve adds.

Alan sighs and then rubs the back of his neck. "I called him and told him, but he sounded so drunk, I don't think he could even comprehend it"

That made me so angry. Maggie was still Billy's wife, and she was going into labor. He's really going to miss this special moment because he prefers the company of booze to his wife. I heard Steve sigh. "Alan, go with Maggie and Ronnie to the hospital once the ambulance gets here"

"What about me?" I asked him.

"You have a show to stay and finish" Steve told me.

"How can I possibly perform a show when I know the woman I love is giving birth to my child? I'm not missing that, Steve"

"Alright, you can go" Steve agreed. I knew he just didn't want to argue it any further. This situation was already stressful enough and he didn't want to make it any more so for Maggie. "I'll think of something to tell those people out there"

"Thank you, Rourkie" Maggie says with a smile. Of course, Steve returns her grin. That man is a sucker for Maggie, though I can't say I blame him.

...

Ronnie and I went with Maggie to the hospital when the ambulance got here. When we got there, they took her off to a room. Sadly, they said only one of us could go with her. "I think you should go" I told Ronnie.

"Roger, you're the father" She tried to reason with me. "If anyone should be in there with her, it's you"

"I saw how safe she felt when you were comforting her in the dressing room." I said. "It should be you"

"Roger, if you're not in there, Maggie is going to be really upset. She wants you to be there. Not me" I knew there wasn't a point in arguing with Ronnie any further. Besides, she was right. If I miss this, I'm going to regret it.

I walked up to the nurse. She smiled at me. "You're Roger, right? Maggie keeps asking for you. She won't even let the doctor into the room until she sees you first" I smiled at that. That was definitely my Maggie. She was almost as stubborn as me. I followed the nurse to the room where Maggie was being kept in.

"Roger!" She said as soon as she saw me. I went over to her and grabbed her hand. "Thank God it's you. If Ronnie walked through that door, I would've thrown something at her and made her turn around to go get you"

I chuckled at that. "I wouldn't miss this for anything, sunshine"

"Love, when the baby gets here, you and I both know this baby is a Waters, but on the birth certificate, I have to put Billy as the father" Maggie says.

I sighed. "I know, sunshine, I know" I began stroking her hair. "But it doesn't matter what it says on paper. This is my child" Maggie smiles at me, but her face changes to one of discomfort. She must've felt another contraction. "Roger, it hurts!"

"It's okay" I kissed her forehead. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere"

At that moment, the nurse from before walked in, along with the doctor that would be handling Maggie's labor. It was a female doctor, which surprised me a bit. "Hi, Maggie. I'm Dr. Hart" Her voice was soothing and gentle. She then looked at Roger. "And you must be the father"

"It's... complicated" I told her. Maggie cried out in pain again, which caused her to nearly crush my hand when she squeezed it. I can't even imagine the pain and discomfort she's going through right now and it made me feel a little bit bad considering I'm the one who got her here.

"How far apart are your contractions, Maggie?" Dr. Hart asked her.

"They're getting closer and closer." She answered.

Dr. Hart stood up, walking to Maggie's side. She took Maggie's other hand. "You are having this baby today, Maggie"

Maggie turned her head to look at me. I could tell from the look in her eyes that she was scared. I gave her a smile and started petting her hair. "It'll be alright, sunshine. I'm not leaving your side"

Her frightened eyes disappeared. Instead, they filled with love and joy. She leaned into the touch of my palm that rested on her cheek. "Let's have this baby, Roger" She said.

...

Maggie was in labour for several hours. That baby was just as stubborn as their mother. But even throughout the crying and the pain, Maggie was a trooper through it all. Dr. Hart encouraged her to give one final push. That's what Maggie did. Her cries of pain were replaced by smaller cries. The cries that signified new life.

Dr. Hart was smiling as she was cradling the newborn baby in her arms. "Maggie, Roger, say hello to your daughter" I knew it! I knew we were going to have a girl! "Here you go, Maggie" Dr. Hart wrapped up our little girl in a blanket before gently passing her over to Maggie.

"Hi baby" Maggie cooed gently to our little girl. "My little Victoria, you're more perfect than I ever could've imagined" Maggie looked at me with the biggest smile I've ever seen her wear. "Isn't she perfect, Roger?"

I returned her smile. "She is"

"Do you want to hold her?" Maggie asked me. That question scared me. Of course I wanted to hold my baby, but I was scared. Scared that my own flesh and blood would reject me. "Don't be scared, Roger. She loves you"

I carefully took Victoria into my arms. She looked so tiny, especially in my long arms. It was all hitting me as I held her in my arms. I was a father now. It was too overwhelming for me. I hadn't even realized I had begun to cry. "Sunshine, she's perfect" I said. I held her for a few more minutes before giving her back to Maggie.

Dr. Hart began to speak. "I really don't want to do this to you, Maggie, but it is hospital procedure that I put Victoria in our baby room where we can closely observe her for any complications"

Maggie looked hurt. "No, don't take my baby away from me!" She held Victoria even closer to her. "She's mine!"

"I know you want to stay with your baby, but we have to make sure that she's nice and healthy that way she'll be able to go home with you" Dr. Hart tried to explain. She tried to take Victoria which proved to be a mistake.

"Keep your hands away from her, you cunt!" She spat. I had to keep myself from snorting out in laughter from what she said. But, instead, I tried to be a good sport and get Maggie to hand over Victoria.

"Sunshine, you want them to make sure Victoria all healthy and clean, right?" I asked her,

"I'm sure they can do that without separating me from my baby" Maggie said.

"Maggie, the sooner you let them take Victoria, the sooner they can check her, and the sooner you can have her back"

Maggie looked at me for a moment. I saw betrayal flash through her eyes, but only for a moment before they softened. She sighed in defeat. "You're right" She extended Victoria towards Dr. Hart. "Sorry for calling you a cunt"

"Believe it or not, I've heard worse" Dr. Hart said. She took Victoria from Maggie. "It's a normal reaction for a mother to be angry when you try to take her baby from her" With that, she walked out of the room with Victoria.

Maggie already started to cry. I sat beside her on the bed. I wrapped my arm around her. "It's alright, darling" I held her close against me as I rubbed her arm. "Victoria will be fine. She's in good hands"

"I know" Maggie cried. "It's just not fair how they can take her away from me like that"

"It's not like you won't see her again" I said to her. "They aren't just gonna steal her and give her to some other family" I kissed her head. "She'll be home with us" I stopped myself. Victoria wasn't going to be coming home with me. "She'll be home with you soon enough"

...

Maggie eventually cried herself to sleep. Once I was sure that she wasn't going to wake up, I left the room to find the baby room where Victoria was being kept. I found the big window looking into the room, and right there front and centre was Victoria. She was still sleeping. I felt a presence beside me. It was none other than Ronnie. "She's beautiful" I heard her say.

I smiled proudly. "She really is"

"Did Maggie freak out when the doctor tried to take Victoria away?" Ronnie asked me.

I nodded. "Yep, and she called her a cunt"

Ronnie laughed at that. "Of course she did" I could feel Ronnie's eyes boring into me. "You seem upset about something, Rog"

"Victoria is my baby, I know that, but she won't be coming home with me"

Ronnie rubbed my back. "I'm telling you now. You're already a much better father to that baby than Billy will ever be"

"Does he know yet?"

Ronnie sighed and shook her head. "I've been trying to get a hold of him, and when he did answer, he was slurring a bunch of nonsense"

My jaw ticked. "What did Maggie ever see in him in the first place?"

Ronnie shrugged. "I've been asking myself that for 13 years now"

~m.r~

I didn't realize just how exhausted I was gonna be from pushing a baby out of me. I just woke up from my nap but now I wanted another one. I wish I had my baby in my arms. I understand the doctors have to make sure that every thing is fine with Victoria, but she should be bonding with me right now. The door to my door opened and in walked my sister. "Hi, pup" She greeted me. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm tired" I told her. "And I want my baby"

"I know, but you know what? I just saw her and she's looking pretty healthy. And she's absolutely beautiful"

"Do you think they'd let me leave with her tonight?" I asked.

"I think they're going to keep both of you here overnight"

"Where's Roger?"

"With your daughter. Actually, there's something I did want to ask you" Ronnie mentioned.

"What is it?"

"I know you and Roger both believe that he's the father, but maybe you should do a DNA test or something to be absolutely sure"

"Ronnie, I don't need a DNA test to know that Roger is Victoria's biological father. Even if he wasn't, it's not the DNA that makes him her father at the end of the day"

Ronnie nodded. "I suppose that's true. Look pup, I don't want to do this to you, but it's getting pretty late and I need get back to the hotel"

I didn't want her to leave. I didn't want to be alone. I grasped her hand. "Don't leave me, Ronnie"

"You'll be okay, pup. Besides, someone has to tell your bandmates the good news, yeah?" She said, squeezing my hand and kissing my forehead. "I'll be back tomorrow first thing in the morning, okay? I promise"

Ronnie passed by Roger as she was leaving the room. My gaze shifted over to my lover. "I suppose you're going to leave now too" I said to him.

Roger pulled the chair up beside my bed. "I'm not going anywhere, sunshine. I'm gonna stay here with you all night"

I smiled up at him as he grabbed my hand. "Did you see her?"

"I did, love" Roger said, rubbing his thumb on the back of my hand.

"Does she look okay?"

Roger smiled at me and leaned closer to me. "My sunshine, she's the most perfect creation ever put on this planet, right next to you of course" Roger kept his promise and he stayed with me the whole night. I fell asleep again with him still holding my hand.

~r.f~

Did I want to leave my sister knowing she was still in the hospital? Not really, but I knew Roger wasn't going to leave her so I knew she was in good hands with him. When I entered the lobby, I saw everyone waiting anxiously in the lobby. Lindy was the first one to notice me. "Everyone, Ronnie's back" She said to them.

Suddenly, all eyes were on me. I knew they were waiting for me to say something. "Maggie gave birth to a beautiful baby girl" I told them. Everyone started to clap and cheer. Well, everyone except for Billy of course, because he wasn't here. "Where's Billy?"

"Still in his and Maggie's room" David answered me. "We've all took turns knocking at the door but he would never answer"

That's it. Someone is going to put Billy in his place. I began my walk up to his and Maggie's room. I was beyond furious at him. Regardless of whether or not Victoria is possibly Roger's baby, Billy is under the impression that she's his baby and he completely missed her birth. I made it to his room and I began banging my fist against the door. "Billy, open this fucking door right now!" I yelled.

My banging on the door ceased when it opened. Billy looked absolutely hungover. "What the fuck is your problem, Ronnie?" He asked me.

"What's my problem!?" I yelled, marching into the room and slamming the door behind me. "Aren't you wondering where your wife even is right now?"

"Isn't she at the show?" Billy answered like a completely idiot. I wanted to slap—no, punch him in the face. But I refrained from doing so. "She's in the hospital, you fucking idiot!"

I saw the colour drain from Billy's face. "What happened to her? Is she okay?" Oh, so now he cares!?

"She just gave birth to your daughter" I said.

"I...I missed my daughter's birth?" He sounded utterly heartbroken.

"Yeah, all because you decided to get piss drunk"

Billy sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. "God, Maggie must hate me right now" He looked up at me again. "I have to go see her and my little girl!"

"You'd probably be better off waiting until morning" I told him.

"Wait, if you're here then who's with her right now?"

"Roger is"

I saw the anger flashing through Billy's eyes, but the oaf was wise enough not to burst it out. "Alright. I'll go first thing in the morning instead"

As I was looking at Billy, flashes of my sister's bloody face raced through my mind. I could almost see him hitting my sister and it just made me so angry. I wanted to strangle him right then and there. It's not like I could confront him about it either. You don't let someone who is abusing someone you care about know about the abuse. I wouldn't want Maggie getting killed because of me.

"I'm going back to see her in the morning" I said, without any emotion in my voice. "When I come knocking on this door, you better be ready to go, or I swear to God Billy, I'll make you regret it!"

Billy looked at me and I saw him swallow nervously. Huh, I guess the big tough man was a little bit scared of me. Good. "Yes, Ronnie, I understand" He said.

 "Good fucking night, Billy!" Was the last thing I said to him before leaving the room and slamming the door shut. When I made it back to the solace of my own room, that's when I let everything go. I cried, I screamed, I even threw a glass against the wall, just to let go of my anger towards Billy. Why did my sister have to end up with such a vile human being for a husband? I should've been a better sister and saw the red flags earlier. Maybe I could've kept them away from each other. But it's not like I can change the past. All I can do is hope that Maggie and Roger both grow a pair and leave their spouses so they can just be together without the guilt or the secrecy. That's what they both deserve. And as for Billy, well, he deserves to rot in hell.

[feral-engineer]

Drink water, drink water drink water.

Even if you're inside, even if you don't feel hot, even if you are so fucking tired of peeing, drink something

Drink Gatorade. Drink Juice. Take a leaf out of my region's book and drink pickle juice. Drink soda, drink coffee, drink smoothies. if it's liquid put it in your body

Do not drink alcohol, that will fuck you up more.

Have a drink nearby at all times. Take little sips if that's all you can manage or stand. Now is the time to get that mini fridge for under your desk that you've always wanted. A cold drink can save your life.

Some other tips I picked up from growing up in 112f+ heat:

Put cold wet towels on your wrists and neck. Keep a big bucket of iced water to re-dunk it, but don't freeze them. The goal is to cool your blood down as it passes through those veins, which will help absorb heat from the rest of your body. Change or dunk your towels when they stop feeling cold, wash or swap them daily.

You can just shove your fists into paper cups of ice water. When it's 112 no one gets to tell you what you can do with your ice water.

Those absorbent cooler towels work best in dry climates and need to be re-wet. If you're in humid weather they're useless or worse than useless.

Same with swamp coolers and those little desktop airconditioners.

Spicy food can cool you off by making you sweat. Stay hydrated, but also have some salsa. Put some chili powder on some fruit. Chug some Sriracha.

You will not be hungry when you're hot. You might even feel sick or nauseous. Eat anyway. Cold sandwiches, cold salads, cold noodles. Fruit.

If you have an air fryer or instant pot, now's the time to dig it out. They don't leak heat as bad, and they're excellent for cooking the kind of food you're gonna want to be eating right now: salty junk food.

You need salt if you're sweating. That's why pickle flavor things are so big down here. Your body needs electrolytes. This is officially your permission to fire up the air fryer and eat taquitos to your hearts content.

Get a little desk fan. Point it directly at your face.

You're not doing yard work right now. Put the gardening tools away. If the HOA or local official busybodies try to fine you for weeds in your yard bite them.

Be kind. The workers in the grocery are also suffering. The DMV guy is suffering. We're all suffering. Don't be a dick to people around you just bc it's hot.

If you have tile floor lie down on it. When that tile gets hot roll over. Repeat.

In this heat clothes are optional in your own home. Get comfortable in your body and walk around with your tits out. Even light clothing traps heat against your skin and it's amazing how big a difference it makes to just not wear a shirt. Cis men get to take their shirts off, I'm taking my goddamn shirt off.

I need UK journalists to not show 43 degrees is not beach weather like people are gonna die

Americans do not interact

[moxiemaemaple]

Dear Diary again. Wellness never is enough.

Help I'm stuck on this rollar coaster.

I was always a fan of the theme parks. The bright neon lights twinkling, the plushies lined up in the games alley and the rides mesmerizingly spinning, speeding an flipping around. The smells of overly sweet food and the places intentions of making you escape while within its grounds. I wish I could just skip the grounds with a churro treat…but I'm stuck in this park and there is no joy here for long here.

I soar to the peak of this coaster, get a view of everything to come then shoot down in a whiplash of the world reminding me of the pull of gravity. I feel it in the pit of my stomach, the drop. I might be strapped in tight, bar there to grip. I can't enjoy this ride. Up and down its hilly pre-built tracks I roll. At its mercy I go round an round in the same pattern and those below can only admire me as I fly by, seemingly in my element of happy but these screams aren't for joy anymore.

I dip into hell and rocket out of its hellish, painful grasp only to plunge back into it shortly later, inescapable, repeating, looping me around and no one else is allowed on.

I'm caged on this ride alone. Its not meant to be enjoyed with someone. This is my prison.

I did too much in my dark pit. Pushed myself exorbitantly passed my own limits. Why do I keep getting on rides I know will make me sick? Up and down I jarringly coast and I'm the one who strangely help built this very ride. The complexity of my crippling mind creating this tangled mess of steel track and I can't straighten it out, its already in place. I have to face this ride because ultimately I got on, right?

In my darkest moments I leak my best shows of imagination, creativity. The romanticize of the wounded artist, left to paint with their own blood masterpieces. Do people stop to look at the graffiti I've smeared in my pass? Or are they too invested in watching my torment as I remain trapped on this coaster? Every decent in a sharp drop down I leave a stain of everything I am in my trail. Learned to look for remnants of what I've made when I whip back around to face the same repeat of tracks. A reminder that despite feeling sealed in, I'm leaving it better then I arrived. For another? For myself? The drop into the pit of the damned can be painted with my screams and they have painted a rainbow beautiful chaos which I keep building upon. Perhaps I'll deface the ride enough they finally let me off and I can stop this exhausting loop. Or will my hands turn to stumps, ripped right off as I paint with this blood of mine, the only thing I've been given to create.

Drain myself dry before I stop. Lead to my own derailment. Is that the only way to escape?

Socializing is something that both jolts me back full of life but also sends this cart over a drop. I see the crest of the peak approach and I still race forward knowing in a way where it leads. In some strange way I don't know how to even balance this, or is that even possible?

I was ironically posting up a photo on twitter about pushing yourself to practice some form of wellness to clear the mind when it started. I hear a crash and glance up from my post to watch as a rig rolls over my beach buggie not once, but twice in the parking lot it was resting in. The driver? Interesting man who goes by Ryder Dye, said like 'Ride or die'. Gave me a chuckle with how many have been quite the opposite of that towards me in life. You think anyone would willing ride this hellish coaster of mine with me? Could quite literally lead one to death. Its not an easy ride to stomach.

We ended up hanging out. In short he assaulted me three times; I'm fine, till I kept my sunglasses off, kept tossing money at me as an apology and kept this coaster steady on a straight stretch. It was a bit of blur everything happened. Eventually all things lead to UwU cafe and there we were, surrounded by a mix of familiar and new faces. You know me, crowds are something I struggle with. Even if I know everyone.

In the end the drop is unavoidable. After all those good giggles, at the end of it all I feel I'm punished as I am pulled over a edge and plunge. My shoulders grow increasingly tense and it feels like no amount of massaging helps relieve the tension, time is the only cure. Often I wonder why its like this, why I'm like this…

What is like to be stuck on the merry go round? No drops, simple circling with a view every so often meant to be enjoyed. For me, my glimpse at the top is one always leading to a downfall. One I see quite clearly coming. How can I just enjoy it at the top?

I'm on the wrong ride…

[cryptidsurveys]

Tuesday, July 23rd, 2024.

Has anyone ever made fun of your taste in music? Not my taste in music as a whole. Just one band.

What’s your favorite season of the year? Autumn with winter as a close second.

Do you have pop-tarts in your house right now? No.

Is anyone’s birthday coming up? No, but my mom just had her birthday about a week ago.

Does someone owe you over twenty dollars? No. However, they do want to start compensating me for some of the volunteer work I do at the shelter because I'm there so damn often. I was like, "no, seriously, it's fine; just let me have an occasional cupcake and I'm good, lmao." But today one of the managers came in and gave me what basically amounts to a staff pass to the fundraising event coming up later this week (equivalent of 40$)…I forget whether it's on Thursday or Friday, but I'm going to try to go to that. I had planned on attending last year, but I was sick. :'(

Do you remember who you liked in grade eight? Yeah.

When was the last time you burned any part of your body? I burned my mouth a bit on some coffee/oatmeal the other day.

Have you ever overflown a bathtub? No. But the drain tab (or whatever you call it…?) for our tub is broken, so we just stick it down with a bit of duct tape. The faucet leaks a bit sometimes, and sometimes the duct tape will come loose, and…yeah. I've come home to a couple of close calls. There's a sort of secondary/emergency drain thing, so it probably wouldn't completely overflow, but...!!!

Are you dressing up for Halloween this year? No.

Have you ever called somebody dollface? I don't think so.

If I gave you ten dollars, what would you spend it on? Probably groceries. There's nothing special I really want to buy.

Have you ever thrown food at a stranger in a movie theater? No.

What are you most excited about right now? How much time I've put in at the shelter lately, and how well my body has been holding up. Over the past seven days, I've completed three full days (Thurs, Sun, Mon) and two half days (Fri, Tues). I'd have to add up the hours, but I think I'm at or approaching full-time.

Does / did either of your parents serve in the military? Yeah. My dad was in the Air Force.

Are you somewhat of a perfectionist? I'm like a failed perfectionist. I try so hard to get things right, but I'm always messing up something.

Do you like sour candy? It's alright, but it's not my favorite. I tend to prefer chocolate over sour/sweet candies.

Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? A lot would depend on my partner, our circumstances, etc, but I would love to go on a bit of an extended backpacking trip along the Colorado Trail. If not that, then maybe a trip to Japan.

Do you have Verizon? Yeah.

Are all nighters something you have grown used to? Nooo.

Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? I often wear them in the morning, but I don't tend to need them in the afternoon/evening. It also kind of depends on the time of year/angle of the sun.

Do you wear your shoes around the house? No. I have slippers for inside.

Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? Not really. Even when it's hot out, I still prefer hot showers.

What clothes are you most comfortable in? Sweatpants and big baggy hoodies.

Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? I still experience shame, but I'm most comfortable with my dad and therapist. I feel like I can tell them both pretty much anything.

What has changed most about you in the past year? At this point, I feel like it would be easier to list the things that haven't changed. This was a really transformative year for me, in a good way.

Are you good at painting nails? I wish.

Smoothies or slushies? Smoothies.

Are you good at filling silence in awkward situations? No.

Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? I do love veggies, especially salads, but I couldn't live off of them.

Elaborate on a way you have volunteered? That's basically what this whole survey blog is about, lmao - the progression of my volunteer experience.

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Yeah, or pretty close to daily, anyway.

Can you walk in heels, or do you feel awkward in them? No.

Any TV shows you sit down weekly to watch? I don't watch TV.

Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partners? I don't have a sex life atm.

Even if you don’t like politics, do you still have opinions on the issues? I'm not a very political person, but yeah, sometimes I still have opinions. And sometimes I don't; either because I just don't care, or because I simply don't know enough about a certain topic to form a meaningful opinion…which could also technically fall under "not caring" because I haven't bothered to better inform myself. (shrug)

Are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? Just my water bottle, but I don't think that really counts.

Do you ever actually make your bed? I wash my bed-stuff weekly, so I make it then, but otherwise not really. I might fix it up a bit if I feel like it, but that's about it.

Do you make an effort to eat healthy? Yeah. Not an obsessive effort, like I still allow for various indulgences, but I try to do a decent job.

How are things between the person you like / love / are with? N/a.

Where did you sleep last night? At home, in my bed.

The last time you kissed someone, what color of shirt were they wearing? I have no idea.

What kind of booze did you last take shots of? I'm not sure…maybe rum…?

What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall? There isn't anything. I'm not even all that interested in visiting the mall.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah.

If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? Maybe Fifty Dollar Dynasty. Not because they're my favorite band ever or anything like that (although I do like their music), but I originally found out about them through their podcast (Brothers of the Serpent) and really came to love their silly personalities, so it's…idk, I guess it's more personal?

If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret? The money.

Are you taller than your mom? Hmm, am I now…? She used to be taller than I am, but both of my parents have shrunk a bit as they've aged, so…I'll have to pay attention the next time I see her.

Have you ever been around someone who was high? Yeah.

Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? Mornings.

Think back to June. Were you in a relationship? No.

What’s so special about what you’re wearing? It's comfy.

Do you have any ‘naughty’ photos on your phone? No.

What were you doing at 10:00 this morning? Volunteering.

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? Because we're not in contact/on good terms anymore…?

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? No.

What do you miss the most about your past? I miss backpacking trips with my dad. It's at the point now where I don't think we'll ever be able to go on another one. :'(

When is the next time you will kiss someone? I have no idea.

Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yeah.

Plan on getting drunk or high tonight? No. I haven't been drunk/high for a long time.

In the past week, have you cried hysterically? No.

Do you think you’ll actually live a happy life with somebody? I guess it's possible.

Are you on birth control? No.

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No.

Last time you were really happy? Now. It's mixed with all kinds of other complicated/contradictory emotions, but I'm probably the happiest I've ever been.

Do you tend to fall for players? No.

Have you ever asked a boy for advice? Yeah.

Are you wrapped in a blanket? No.

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? Pretty close.

Have you spoken to your mother today? Father? I haven't spoken to my mom, but I have spoken to my dad.

[sysig]

Sublimation

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

ok since the requests are closing soon I'm gonna send some more hope you don't mind 👉👈

Let's after they all get out the warp hole Captain keeps having nightmares about all the times they and Mark died and can't sleep so they just stare out the window whole time and one time Mark catches them and fluff happens (if it's a problem you can switch the roles, I'm not sure if it counts into Won't write criteria or not) - List Anon

Ooo imma reverse the roles bc I'm now thinking about Mark's "I can't remember the last time I slept" line and the angst potential there 👀

...........

“Do you recognize us?”

“..n-no..I don’t..”

“Do you recognize the bodies in the wormhole?”

“I don’t recognize the bodies in the wormhole. I don't recognize the bodies in the wormhole...I-I....I don’t-”

"So you don't recognize me, Mark?"

Opening his eyes, Mark felt every muscle in his body tense up, gripped with unimaginable fear as one of the frozen corpses appeared in front of him. The glow from the wormhole illuminated them enough to be recognizable as...

You.

"C-Captain..."

"The multiverse has been littered with the corpses of your failures." You rasped, palms pressed against the brittle glass window, glowing white eyes staring down at him. "You killed everyone. Myself...my crew...even your OWN self....across dozens of timelines...again and again and again! How does that make you feel?"

"..l-like a failure.." With a gasp, his knees gave out as he collapsed, holding a hand up to match yours. "I'm sorry." He sobbed, looking to the ground in shame. Tears splattered onto his pants.

What had he done? He never meant for any of this to happen.

All those mistakes, all those timelines, all those people....

They all suffered because of him.

Somewhere in the distance, he can hear echoes of screams. And for a moment he panicked and looked behind him, thinking it was the crew in danger.

But there was nobody.

As he listened closely he realized..

They were his own screams....from all those times he died after jumping into the wormhole in a fruitless attempt to find the right door. A key to solving the warp core crisis that threatened the universe.

Yet all those doors only led him to his death and yours.

He remembered them all, each one more painful than the last.

Fire. Explosions. Black holes. Crushed. Shot. Drowning. Suffocation. Freezing. Strangulation.

Pain.

So much pain and agony he made himself and you endure.

Only to find out he was the problem all along.

The screams got louder and louder, causing him to cover his ears as he curled up against the window, begging them to stop. He heard you laughing all the while too, punching the glass so hard it managed to leave a giant crack.

"Come on out, Mark!! You miss that nonexistent air, don't you? Join me..."

“Stop it.."

"Join me!!

"Shut up!"

"JOIN YOUR CAPTAIN!!!"

"LEAVE ME-"

“-ALONE!!”

The final scream jolted Mark out of bed, heart hammering out of his chest. He was in a wide-eyed panic, but once he realized he was just in his quarters, he sighed shakily and hugged himself, looking out at the small window.

He only saw stars. No wormholes. No corpses.

Yet he felt sick to his stomach, forcing himself to turn away and get out of bed, deciding to leave his room. All was quiet on the ship as he wandered through the halls, remembering all the running you and him have done in an attempt to fix everything.

Even now he can hear Computer's voice faintly echoing those alerts.

“Coolant leak in cryo.”

“ADS is offline.”

“Life support systems failing.”

“Fire on the bridge.”

Finally approaching the giant window at the bridge, he saw nothing but stars and a nebula off in the far distance. He didn’t know why but he felt compelled to sit in front of it and just...stare.

At what exactly? He didn’t know.

For how long? He didn’t know either.

He felt so....empty, cold, scared, and tired. God, he was so tired.

He hoped that with all of this being over, he could finally rest. Yet the nightmares never stopped; they always came back.

Always.

Mark was so lost in his own mind, he barely reacted to the door hissing open, not even acknowledging the thumping of boots that approached him. He just sighed and hugged his knees, resting his head on them.

Yet he was too scared to close his eyes, afraid of what he might see if he dared to open them again.

“Can’t sleep, either?”

It was you. Not Celci coming in to yell at him. Thank the stars.

Yet as you sat beside him, he didn't grin at your presence like he normally would. Instead he gazed at you only slightly, most of his face still buried in his arms.

You offered a sympathetic smile. It was off not seeing him as his typical talkative self, but you understood why. “Yeah..me neither.”

You removed your helmet, a small hiss escaping as you put it beside you, resting a hand on it. Mark blinked, eyebrows furrowing together as he saw the same amount of exhaustion in your eyes.

Pure exhaustion.

“I wake up sick every time. Like I’ve been doing backflips in the wormhole..” Shaking your head, you looked to him, sighing tiredly as you reached over to pet his hair. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch, only to jerk himself awake once more.

For a moment, you recoiled. “What’s wrong?” You asked softly.

"D-Don't.." He kicked himself for saying that again, immediately realizing his mistake. "Sorry, 'm..so tired, but I can't...I can't sleep..."

God, why did he sound like a child. Speaking in a broken whisper that made him look so pathetic.

He was supposed to be strong for you. Stronger now that he learned from his mistakes and knew to move forward..rather than backward.

Yet he couldn’t help but feel weak and tired.

However you didn’t laugh, instead putting a comforting arm around him, squeezing him against your side. Again, he rested his head on your shoulder, that fear still lingering, even as you absentmindedly stroked the side of his hair. You can feel the poor guy trembling.

"Then rest. I’ll be right here. I’ll protect you.”

“But what if...if...” He didn’t get to finish his statement, your gestures soothing his anxieties. You didn’t know what the “if” was, though you could hear his shaky breaths gradually slow.

Then you felt him shift a little, getting his head more comfortably tucked into your neck. Without the helmet limiting how close he could get to you, he wanted to seize the opportunity.

You smiled and adjusted yourself so you could hold him while leaning against the wall. His arms were wrapped just above your belt as you felt his warmth breath against your skin, transitioning into soft snores.

"Sleep well, Mark." Sighing, you continued petting his hair until your own eyes eventually closed, hoping to finally get a break from the nightmares.

Both of you deserved it.

[princessozera]

On Love and Immortality (Asmodeus)

A/N: Second submission to @ boozye 's request: how would the OM characters react to MC not wanting immortality?

They/ Them used (3rd ppov)

Word Count: 1.4 k

"That's... well, it sounds pretty fucking stupid." Asmo tends to reserve the insults for his brothers, but since they've started dating, he's honest with MC and right now it's no different. " Have you really thought this through?"

" Yes, I have." MC's fingers twitch at being called stupid, but it can't devolve into a fight right now, this conversation had to happen sooner or later. "There's no nice way to say this but I need to know there's an end. I'm not even old but I feel so tired." Mc rubs their hands across their face, getting a little too honest with that 'tired'. "I love you, Asmodeus. You're one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I'm so grateful to have met you-"

"You keep saying that," Asmo cuts MC off, " but I can't help but feel that you're trying to abandon me." He pulls away from them, but is still seated on the couch. Anyone who walks in would think they're being lovey dovey as usual on the couch, despite the resentment and betrayal starting to leak into the room. "If you don't want to date me anymore you can-"

"Asmodeus!"

He takes a deep breath. Right.

Assuming.

"Then when does this end?" He looks them in the eye and now it's MC's turn to pull back. "Do we keep dating until I watch you become old and frail? You'll still be beautiful to me, and I will still love you, but do you really expect me to just let you go without a fight?"

"OR!-" he's on a roll now, increasingly agitated, "would you even be able to deal with gossip? I don't care if they call me a gold digger or a whore or whatever for being with an 'old person', but are YOU going to be able to ignore it? Or, are we just going to keep playing coy, ignoring the problem until one day you just stop texting back and Lucifer has to tell me that none of us are allowed to see you anymore? That it's not 'the natural way' and there'll come a time that we just have to let you live your life without us?"

"Asmo-" Mc's voice comes out a bit shaky, through grit teeth, and Asmo's attention snaps back to them. "You're hurting me."

Asmo looks down and sure enough, MC's hand is a dark purple, his own hand cutting off their circulation at the wrist. He pulls back, and MC exhales, rubbing their wrist. Asmo shakes his hands off- he's too warm. Too worked up and in the worst way possible.

"We can't-let's talk later." He's already making a beeline for the door, "Maybe my brothers should also be-"

"Asmo," MC catches him at the door, taking his shaky hand into theirs. He doesn't pull away and lets them lead him back to the couch. "This needs to be just between us. Do you need a minute?"

Asmo nods and MC goes to grab him a cup of water. He doesn't trust himself to be so close to MC again and instead takes a seat across from them on the couple's couch, pulling and squeezing at a decorative pillow. The few minutes of quiet do little to soothe Asmo, and the longer he had to wallow in the thought of MC leaving him, of being forced to love them from afar and watch them live with another person made him sick. He'd be lying if he said a bit of the resentment wasn't directly against himself- how had he of all people fallen for someone? He knew that if they broke up, he'd spend the rest of his days trying and failing to find a replacement for MC.

They continue their talk like this, just to be safe. MC with their legs pulled up on the couch, adjusting the ice pack on their wrist when they wanted to think over their answers. Asmo on his couch, trying to keep his reactions under control, pulling and twisting at the pillow in his lap when he'd rather be crushing MC with a hug and peppering kisses on to their face. Anything to end the conversation.

Both talking, neither quite listening.

"Asmo," MC sighs. "What do you want me to say? We can't just go back to ignoring this."

"I don't know. That you love me. That you won't leave me."

"I can't promise that."

"Then, could you at least think it over again?" Asmo doesn't look at them, " maybe you're just scared. I know humans like to joke about turning into vampires, heroes, and being immortal but this is the first time your choice means something to someone. The first time this choice has some weight to it, and that can be super overwhelming. Even if you’ve thought about it since entering the program, that's only what, a bit over 2 years?”

Asmo takes a deep breath and looks at MC, crossing the room to take their hands. “ Immortality won’t be smooth, I’m not going to sell it like a perfect fairy tale. But you’re always going to have us! Me and my brothers, Lord-”

“And what about MY family Asmo? I have family in the human realm- friends!” MC shakes Asmo’s arms around, as if understanding would just wiggle into him. “ You said maybe I’d have to leave you to live my life- if I turned immortal tomorrow I’d have to leave them even sooner because they’d notice I don’t age!”

“Then turn later! Older people are sexy too! I was once with a 9-” Asmo stops to duck under MC’s pillow toss. “Bad way to phrase it. All I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to decide right now, or even next week. Could you give me 2 years? You can ask me any question you want, throw a million hypothetical situations my way, and if in 2 years you still don’t want to be immortal, I’ll accept it.”

MC stays quiet for a moment, playing with Asmo’s hands. “... Yeah, I can do 2 years.” They nod and Asmo collapses on top of them in relief.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Asmo hugs them close, leaning his head into their neck. “No more dark topics for today, please? Let’s just stay inside and watch a movie or something.” All too eager to change the subject, MC let’s Asmo cuddle them and pulls out their phone, ordering enough food and snacks for a movie marathon.

Asmo never brought it up again, but MC stayed true to their word. It definitely dulled some brighter moments- contemplating their own mortality during a party or stilled by the thought of losing so many close friends all at once, but MC put genuine thought and consideration into the proposition. Being sent back to the human realm was the best time for them to mull things over- it seems the others caught wind of the conversation and for a few months at least, leaned in pretty heavily to hangouts and other ways to show MC they were loved. Truthfully, it muddled their resolve a bit. The attention could be suffocating for sure, MC would rather die than attend RAD for 1000s of years, and there was some serious concern about their personality changing if consequences were nonexistent, but there was comfort in familiarity. Even the chaos and antics happened with predictable regularity and it was almost always a nice surprise- even if exhausting. Being back home in the human realm, spending time with the others they cared about, cleared their mind. Even when illness and misfortune fell on them, MC knew that their life wasn’t meant to be filled with magical charms and funny spells- much less for millions of years. 

So when the day came, 2 years to the minute (Asmo had made sure to set an alarm), the answer had not changed. He isn’t stupid, he saw the calm resolve in MC’s eyes the last time he came to the human realm for a surprise visit. Now, although he had tears in his eyes, Asmo stayed true to his word and accepted MC’s wishes gracefully. MC’s also given thought to his other questions; how long could Asmo stay in their life? Will there be a set date they have to say goodbye or how do they expect to be together until MC’s end? Asmo would rather wait another 10 years to know these answers, but MC had listened to his request, so this was the least he could do. MC sat with their back against Asmo’s chest and he held them like this for hours as they talked about where to go from here.

[eusuntgratie]

"Are you dying?" Derek asks and sniffs Stiles in an even more overt way than usual. Like, at least the dude's a little discreet about it normally.

"I don't think so? But now I'm concerned," Stiles says, shrugging off his messenger bag. "Oh alpha mine, why are you looking at me like that?"

Derek wrinkles his nose and his eyebrows do that thing where he's concealing not feeling.

"You smell wrong," he says.

"Wow. Rude. I think? Is that rude? Do you like how I normally smell? Wait don't answer that, I'll get a complex about it," Stiles rambles, and sits down heavily in Derek's couch with a groan. "Oh god, I don't know who you killed to get a couch this comfortable and I don't even blame you for it."

Derek continues to hover and glance at Stiles as Stiles makes himself at home, dragging his laptop onto his stomach to watch a YouTube video as he plays on his phone. Stiles pauses to wipe his eyes and Derek huffs.

"Why is your face leaking?" Derek asks and Stiles snorts.

"Dude, my eyes are a bit watery, it's nothing," he says, and then sneezes, grabbing his laptop before it makes a dramatic leap for freedom.

Derek narrows his eyes. Stiles narrows his back.

"What dude, you're freaking me out," Stiles says.

"I don't like it," Derek says. "Don't sneeze."

"Erm... okay?" Stiles says, and promptly sneezes again. "Eurgh," he says. "You don't want to know what that tasted like. Phlegmy. Ooh, weird word. Phlegmy. I think I might hate it actually. It might be my 'moist'."

"Stop talking," Derek says and grabs his keys and his phone. "Stay put. Don't die. I'm going out."

And he does, leaving Stiles behind to mutter.

"Okay... weird, but okay."

He tucks his laptop under the couch and puts his phone on the coffee table, intending to just rest his eyes for a bit but sleep is a sneaky bastard and totally grabs him.

He wakes up to a cool hand on his forehead and flails.

"You have a fever," Derek says and sounds - worried?

"Do not," Stiles says. "It's freezing in here, actually. Huh. I might have a cold."

Derek lifts an alarmingly full pharmacy bag.

"I might have panicked," he admits.

"You think?" Stiles asks, but he feels all tingly inside. Derek went to the pharmacy for him? Derek panicked at the pharmacy for him?

"Just take some medicine and get better," Derek says gruffly.

Stiles dumps out the bag and grabs the most lethal looking medicine. It looks like it'd kill anything. Derek must see the glint in Stiles' eyes because he promptly takes it away. Stiles whines.

"I'm making you soup," Derek says and pads through to the kitchen area.

"You don't have a microwave," Stiles points out. Derek raises an eyebrow in confusion.

"How do you think soup is made?" He asks. Stiles shrugs.

"There's usually a tin and a tin opener involved, then rotatey microwavey goodness," Stiles explains.

"No," Derek says simply.

"No," Stiles mimics and grabs a more normal looking bottle of cold medicine. One designed for humans and not whatever the fuck the first one was designed for. How did Derek even find it? Which pharmacy did he even go to? How do you make soup when it's not in a tin?

Derek answers the soup thing by showing Stiles the entire process, and normally Stiles would be bored, and he almost is until Derek mentions it was his grandmother's recipe, and softly starts to talk about his family. It's nice.

Stiles is feeling a little brighter but a lot drowsy by the time the soup is finally done. Derek hands it to him carefully, and settles on the other end of the couch with his own bowl. It's really goddamn domestic.

The soup is so good Stiles might have to get sick more often. It also opens up all of his sinuses so soon his face is leaking even more.

Derek looks very alarmed at this development.

"This is normal, werewolf boy. Oh my god, you really weren't socialised at all were you?" Stiles says.

"I made you soup," Derek points out. "So fuck you."

"When I feel less shit, sure," Stiles says absently.

"What?" Derek asks.

"What what?" Stiles runs back through what he just said and oh. Right. "Erm. Yay accidental feelings reveal! Definitely did not mean to say that."

Derek looks at him like he's seeing Stiles for the first time. Maybe he is.

"I would, you know," Derek says, interrupting Stiles keen attempt at dying from embarrassment. "Fuck you, I mean."

"Oh," Stiles says faintly. "Good to know. You're really strange, you know that, right?"

"I have you to keep me humble," Derek says dryly.

Stiles sneezes again and groans.

"You should sleep," Derek says. "You'll feel better in the morning."

"Planning on it," Stiles says, and grins at Derek slightly bleary-eyed. "I at least want to make out with you before you come to your senses."

Derek rolls his eyes.

"Obviously that's a lost cause," he says.

Stiles places a hand over his own heart.

"I'm wounded," he says and sounds it.

"Go the fuck to sleep," Derek says. "Don't die."

"That's strangely romantic," Stiles mumbles, then yawns. "You don't want me to die. Wow the bar is so low. Just going to close my eyes and consider my life choices."

He falls into a soup and medication induced sleep.

When he wakes up, he can't breathe through his right nostril, but he feels a little better. Definitely well enough for make outs.

Derek seems to agree.

Wait.

"Did you really think I was dying?" Stiles asks.

Derek looks very put upon.

"You're human, you might have been!"

"Never change, big guy, never change," Stiles says and presses a kiss to Derek's stubble. Derek growls and chases after Stiles' lips.

Werewolves are so weird.

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