#I'm just kinda tired man
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No one:
Some random person, every week since July: Has anyone done this yet? *posts meme redraw of Shadow breaking it to Sonic that they’re gonna have to kill Nine and Sonic going "Damn😔"*
#Sonic prime#sonic the hegehog#I'm not putting this in the character tags this time#i just be ramblin#semi vent post?#I'm just kinda tired man#like he would not fucking say that! even if Shadow actually says that next season‚ Sonic is not accepting that he can't save Nine or anyone#else on his LIFE#Tired of the Nine and Sonic (and Nine and his shatterverse friends frankly) relationship erasure here#Let's not pretend here that Shadow is the only person who Sonic will threaten to throw hands with over a threat to their life#And this bit is more personal. But at this point I resent the idea that this entire show is going to end with everything going exactly to#how it used to be before with all the variants living in the original or something#After everything that has happened there's nothing satisfying about that kind of ending to me. do you have no whimsy? do you have no hope?#Do you really think the best end for everyone is one where Sonic has to accept his new friends and his new best friend has to die?#We know from the s3 teaser that part of this season will be about stabilizing the shatterverse#Do you really believe that it makes sense for the story to force Sonic to choose green hill or the shatterverse after all that time spent#keeping it together and keeping all those people protected?#This show is forcing Sonic to contend with the variants being different people with different lives and backstories. it's forcing Sonic to#contend with Tails and Nine not being exactly the same person. Do you think the best end (after all that fighting to be considered more than#just copies of the originals) the variants (especially Nine)#is for them to just accept that they can't be separated from the 'originals' as we consider them to be?#anyways anyways back to the post#point of the post is that I've seen the same tired joke every week since s2 came out and I'm just tired of the 'Shadow and the narrative#will force Sonic to accept that Nine has to die' bit#Like at this point y'all just want Nine to die. just say that#Or at least do some meta/analysis posting. because rn it all sounds like 'Nine is narratively going to die because I think he should and#because I think it makes the most sense. Source? vibes'
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That one time a pose study (looking at art of pretty women and telling myself I was being productive) turned into Portia
#art#digital art#the arcana#the arcana fanart#portia devorak#Wishing all my fellow Portia likers a pleasant evening#At this point I just alternate between drawing Nadia and drawing Portia whenever the crippling brainrot and loneliness become too much to b#lol I hit the tag character limit#“Oh this is precious the straight guy has fallen in love with the only two options” *crowd laughs*#Earlier today I finished 100%ing both Mario Kart 8 and Mario Kart 8 Deluxe so that was pretty cool#That has nothing to do with the art but it's a solid reminder of why I have acquired absolutely zero maidens#My main build is Green Shy Guy in the Tanooki Kart/Leaf Tires and Flower Glider in case you're like the 1 person who's wondering#Oh and after posting this I'm gonna make mac and cheese and watch One Piece cause I recently finished Skypeia and got to Water 7#Kinda worried tbh cause this is like the one everyone talks about#Man I REALLY hope the Mario Kart 8 and One Piece fandoms don't get tagged cause of my yapping but that'd be pretty funny if they did#Man if you read through all these tags I'm sorry jhkdfvbsjh#Okay that's all have a good one
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Look all I'm saying is if that a shadow game can work THAT well and be so well designed story wise and gameplay wise
HE can work
#sonic#silver the hedgehog#sonic the hedgehog#silver right now is such a open canvas of a character#story wise and gameplay wise#he's been a side character for so long and in the one time he was a main character his whole story was basically axed from canon#he's definitely been explored since then but not to extent we've probably wanted with this character-#and I'm talking mostly game silver cause obviously in IDW and archie he got some LOVE there#even if we never saw idw silver actually explore his good future#which i still think is a shame but also apparently if sega doesn't want that to be explored in a comic and saved for the games then#THEY BETTER EXPLORE IT SOON#and honestly gameplay wise he needs another shot as well#like C'MON his psychic's just needed better...well...PSYCHIC'S TO WORK#can you imagine what cool and fun movement he'd have now that sega is now slowy understanding what kinda stuff they wanna do with#the sonic franchise again and how it should play#i don't know if i should fully expect a silver game at any point#but he should ATLEAST be a second main character in a new game so people can be reintroduced to him and they can cook with him#IM TIRED OF SEEING MY SON GETTING HATED ON OR CALLED LAME#I WANT PEOPLE TO BE REMINDED OR SHOWN HOW COOL AND FUN HE CAN BE WHEN GIVEN THE SPOTLIGHT#archie and idw are the best examples of him as a character#he is a lovable friend and ally#but serious when he can be character#and his powers are literally so COOL AND INHERENTLY UNIQUE AND POWERFUL COMPARED TO OTHER'S IN THE CAST#like when surge saw silver come in casually carrying a large object and she got nervous THAT'S WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT#THIS MAN CAN BE A THREAT.#okay rant over DHDNDNDB
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Do y'all see my vision?
+ bonus: Peter with Deadpool Chihuahua
#kinda unfinished but it's been sitting in my drafts for literal AGES and refused to polish itself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#I'm getting back on my bullshit... I can sense it...#spideypool#spideypool art#fanart#peter parker#the amazing spider-man#deadpool#although in chihuahua form#how do I even tag this#I'm too tired for this#I just wanna share fluff#I hope y'all doing fabulously ❤️
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So, my mom was telling me how much free time I have, and I was like, "I have no freetime wth do you mean?????" And I just wanna see if this is like. A normal way to think of things?
Things I need to do:
Finish reading icebound land
Make a whole lotta art that I promised people
Research study abroad programs
At least one Dutch lesson a day
Keep my room clean
Talk to my friends so they know I love them (and so I don't go insane)
My math homework
Keep myself clean (showers, finally brushing my teeth after months, etc etc) so I don't go insane
Eat at 7pm
Various things I enjoy as to not go insane
All from 6pm to 9 pm, every day, after being at school from 8 am to 3:30 pm and then The Public (teen center) from 3:30 to 5:30, and I need to be in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10:00
So, basically, I'm "on the clock" from 7 am (When I start getting ready for school) until 9 pm, with no breaks
But yeah no I totally have free time. Yeaup
#“but you never actually do that stuff! you just sit and scroll!”#yeah cause if I'm not doing what I need to I'm not Allowed to do anything else#but I'm just. too tired. to do what I need yo#I hate high school#rambles#adhd#executive dysfunction#<- I've heard that this kinda mental math can be a symptom of those things? idk#im so tired#burnout#adhd burnout#(????? I think????)#high school#I'm just so tired of all of this#the sun is going down way too early and I barely speak at all at school and I never finish work early anymore and the teen center is loud#and I still want to be active in the fandom but I don't have time to make posts anymore#and I don't have any in person friends anymore and I don't know when the last time I got a hug was#and I'm just. so. tired. my room is clean and I have good grades and I talk to my friends everyday and I shower routinely#why the hell am I so stressed#I do everything I'm supposed to do#I just want to go somewhere else man#The Netherlands hopefully#I wanna actually DO something#go on a trip for band#not just finish the work put in front of me day after day after day after day#I wasn't built for this shit#I'm so fucking tired
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The role of Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure Protocol Manual in the characterisation, symbolism, and themes of Wolf 359
TL;DR: The DSSPPM is used as a tool to help establish and develop Minkowski and Eiffel as characters: Minkowski as a strict Commander who clings to the certainty provided by a rigid source of authority like the DSSPPM, and Eiffel as the anti-authority slacker who strongly objects to the idea that he ought to read the manual. The way their contrasting attitudes towards the DSSPPM manifest through the show reflect their character development and changing dynamic. The DSSPPM can be directly used against the protagonists by those with power over them, and the reveal of its authorship gives a particularly sinister edge to its regular presence in the show. But it can be also be repurposed and seen through an individual interpersonal lens.
Note: There’s plenty that you could say about the DSSPPM through the lens of what it says about Goddard Futuristics as an organisation, or about Pryce and Cutter as people. Or you could talk about Lambert quoting the DSSPPM an absurd number of times in Change of Mind, and Lovelace’s reactions to this. But in this essay, I’ll be analysing on mentions of the DSSPPM with a focus on Minkowski, Eiffel, and their dynamic.
“One of those mandatory mission training things”: the DSSPPM as a tool to establish characterisation
The first mention of Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure Protocol Manual (the DSSPPM) in Wolf 359 is also the very first interaction we hear Eiffel and Minkowski have. In fact, the first time we hear Minkowski's voice at all is her telling Eiffel off for not having read the manual:
[Ep1 Succulent Rat-Killing Tar] MINKOWSKI Eiffel, did you read your copy of Pryce and Carter? EIFFEL My copy of what? MINKOWSKI Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure Protocol Manual. EIFFEL Was that one of those mandatory mission training things? MINKOWSKI Yes. EIFFEL In that case, yes, I definitely did. MINKOWSKI Did you now? Because I happened to find your copy of the D.S.S.P.P.M. floating in the observation deck. EIFFEL Oh? MINKOWSKI Still in its plastic wrapping.
This is an effective way to establish their conflicting personalities right out of the gate. Minkowski's determination to "do things by the book - this book in fact" contrasts clearly with Eiffel's professed ignorance about and clear disregard for "this... Jimmy Carter thing”. Purely through their attitudes to this one book, they slot easily into clear archetypes which inevitably clash. Everything about Eiffel in that opening episode sets him up as a slacker who doesn't care about authority, but the image of his mandatory mission training manual floating in the observation deck "still in its plastic wrapping" provides a particularly striking illustration.
By contrast, we immediately encounter Minkowski as a strict leader who cares deeply about making sure everything is done according to protocol; the intense importance she places on the DSSPPM is one of the very first things we know about her. Her insistence on the importance of the survival manual might seem somewhat understandable at first, if perhaps unhelpfully aggressive, but it starts to feel less sensible as soon as we start to hear some of the tips from this manual:
Deep Space Survival Tip Number Five: Remain positive at all times. Maintain a cheerful attitude even in the face of adversity. Remember: when you are smiling the whole world smiles with you, but when you're crying you're in violation of fleet-wide morale codes and should report to your superior officer for disciplinary action.
The strange, controlling, vaguely sinister tone of some of the tips we hear in the first episode is largely played for laughs, emphasised by the exaggeratedly upbeat manner in which Hera reads them. But even these first few tips give us some initial suggestions that the powers behind this mission might not care all that much about the wellbeing of their crew members.
It says something about Minkowski that she places such faith and importance in a book which says things like "Failing to remain calm, could result in your grisly, gruesome death" and "when you're crying you're in violation of fleet-wide morale codes and should report to your superior officer for disciplinary action." (Foreshadowing the Hephaestus Station as the home of immense emotional repression and compartmentalising...) Having those kind of pressures and demands placed on her (and those around her) by people above her in the military hierarchy doesn’t unsettle Minkowski.
Eiffel groans and sighs as he listens to the tips, but Minkowski seems to see this manual as an essential source of wisdom. The main role the manual plays in this episode is to establish Minkowski and Eiffel as contrasting characters with very different approaches to authority and therefore a potential to clash.
When Minkowski demands that Eiffel reads the DSSPPM, he decides to get Hera to read it to him, asking her to keep this as “a 'just the two of us, totally secret, never tell Commander Minkowski' thing”. Eiffel seems convinced that Minkowski won't be happy with him listening to Hera read the DSSPPM rather than reading it himself. This suggests that (at least in Eiffel's interpretation) Minkowski’s orders are not just about her wanting him to know the contents of the manual, since this could theoretically be accomplished just as well by him listening to it. But she wants him to do things in what she’s deemed to be the correct way, to put in the right amount of effort, and not to take what she might see as a shortcut. It’s not just about the contents of the manual; it’s about the commitment to protocol that reading it represents.
“When in doubt: whip it out”: Hilbert’s use of the DSSPPM
In Season 1, the DSSPPM isn't purely associated with Minkowski. Hilbert actually quotes it more than she does in the first few episodes. In Ep2 Little Revolución, Hilbert's response to Eiffel's toothpaste protest is inspired by "Pryce and Carter six fourteen: “When in doubt, whip it out - ‘it’ being hydrochloric acid.”" This tip is absurd in a more direct obvious way than those we heard in Ep1. While this absurdity is partly for humour, it also casts further doubt on the usefulness of this supposedly authoritative survival manual, and therefore on the wisdom of trusting Command.
In Ep4 Cataracts and Hurricanoes, Hilbert starts to quote Tip #4 at Eiffel, who protests "I'm not gonna have one of the last things I hear be some crap from the survival manual". These moments again place Eiffel in clear opposition to the DSSPPM, but also suggest that Hilbert's attitude towards the DSSPPM - and therefore towards Command - is closer to Minkowski's than to Eiffel's.
When Hilbert turns on the Hephaestus crew in his Christmas mutiny, his allegiance to Command is revealed as dangerous. And here the DSSPPM comes up again. As Minkowski dissolves the door between her and Hilbert, she triumphantly echoes his own words back to him: "Pryce and Carter six fourteen: “When in doubt, whip it out - ‘it’ being hydrochloric acid.” Never. Fails." This provides a callback to a previous, more comedic conflict on the Hephaestus, and reminds the listener of a time when Minkowski and Hilbert were working together against Eiffel, in contrast to the current situation of Minkowski and Eiffel versus Hilbert. But it also shows that Minkowski, like Hilbert, is capable of using some of the more absurd DSSPPM tips to defeat an adversary. And it shows Minkowski leaning on those tips in a real moment of crisis.
Once Hilbert has betrayed the crew in order to follow orders from Command, we might look back on his quoting of the DSSPPM as casting the manual in a more sinister light, and again calling into question the wisdom of Minkowski placing such trust in it.
“It's not that I don't believe it, I'm just disgusted by it”: the DSSPPM as an indicator of a changing dynamic
The next mention of the DSSPPM is in Ep17 Bach to the Future:
MINKOWSKI Eiffel's been spot-testing me, Hera. He doesn't believe that I've memorized all of the survival tips in Pryce and Carter. EIFFEL It's not that I don't believe it, I'm just disgusted by it. I keep hoping to discover it's not true. MINKOWSKI Well, believe as little as you want, doesn't change the fact that I do know them. And so should you!
I think this provides an interesting illustration of the way in which Minkowski and Eiffel’s dynamic has developed since Ep1. They still have deeply contrasting attitudes to the DSSPPM, but this contrast is now a source of entertainment between them, rather than merely of conflict.
Given that Hera wasn’t aware of Eiffel testing Minkowski on the tips, we can guess that it’s a game they came up with while Hera was offline. In the midst of all the exhaustion and uncertainty and fear they were dealing with after Hilbert’s mutiny, this was a way they found to pass the time. It must have been Eiffel who suggested it; Minkowski cites his disbelief as the reason for the spot-testing. And yet she plays along, responding each time, even though this activity has no real productive value.
Minkowski is keen to demonstrate that she does know the tips and she emphasises that Eiffel ought to know them too, but their interactions about the DSSPPM in this episode have none of the genuine irritation and frustration that they displayed in Ep1. It feels almost playful and teasing. Eiffel still thinks Minkowski is "completely insane" for learning all the tips and is "disgusted" by her commitment to memorising them, but these comments feel much closer to joking about a friend's weird traits than to insulting a hated coworker's personality. It feels like something has shifted since Eiffel responded to Minkowski’s passion for the DSSPPM by saying “I'm so glad that your shrivelled husk of a dictator's heart is as warm as a decompression chamber”.
Another thing to note here is that Minkowski's respect for the DSSPPM has clearly survived Hilbert's Christmas mutiny and Minkowski's resulting distrust of Command. From Hilbert's behaviour at Christmas, it's clear that the crew's survival is not at the top of Command's priority list. But Minkowski still trusts the book that Command told her to read. She still thinks Eiffel should read it too. The main figures of authority above her are dangerous and untrustworthy, but she still clings to the source of guidance they provided her with.
It's also worth noting that Minkowski has not just learnt the advice in each of the 1001 tips, but she has memorised (nearly) all of them by number. If it was just about the information that the manual provides to inform responses to potentially life-or-death situations, then knowing the numbers wouldn't be necessary. Nor would it be particularly useful to know them all exactly word-for-word. Minkowski's reliance on the DSSPPM is again suggested to be about more than the potential practical use of its content. It's about showing that she is committed and disciplined and up to the task of leading. She does have some awareness of the strangeness of many of the tips, but this doesn't diminish the value of her adherence to the manual for her:
EIFFEL You're insane. MINKOWSKI I'm disciplined. Although I will admit they do get more... esoteric as you go higher up the list.
There's only one tip Minkowski doesn't seem to remember, and that's revealing too:
EIFFEL 555? Minkowski DRAWS BREATH - and STOPS SHORT. [...] MINKOWSKI Hold on a second, I know this. (beat) Dammit. EIFFEL Hey, look at that! Looks like there may be hope for you yet. MINKOWSKI Quiet, Eiffel. Hera, what's D.S.S.P.P.M. 555? HERA "Good communication habits are key to continued subsistence. Be in touch with other crew members about shipboard activities. Interfacing about possible problems or dangers is the best way to anticipate and prevent them." This hangs in the air for a second. Then – EIFFEL So you forget the one tip in the entire manual that's actually helpful? MINKOWSKI Shut up.
Communication is a key theme of this show, so it’s interesting that this is the one tip Minkowski can’t remember, perhaps indicating an aspect of leadership and teamwork that she doesn’t always prioritise or find easy.
Eiffel saying “Looks like there may be hope for you yet” seems like just a throwaway teasing line, but it’s got a profound edge to it. A lot of Minkowski’s arc is about learning how to provide her own direction and support her crew outside of the systems of authority and hierarchy that she’s grown so attached to. So perhaps Eiffel is right to see a kind of hope in her failure to remember every single DSSPPM tip – she has the potential to break free of her reliance on external authority.
“Which one was 897, what was the exact phrasing of that Deep Space Survival Tip?”: the DSSPPM in interactions with Cutter
The Wolf 359 liveshow, Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol, is literally named after the manual. This suggests, before we’ve even heard/watched the episode, that the DSSPPM will be a key symbol here. Which is interesting because I'd say the liveshow has two main plot points: (a) Eiffel's failure to read the DSSPPM or follow orders in general, the resulting disruption to the mission, and his crewmates' frustration with this; and (b) the looming threat of Cutter, the necessity of keeping information from Command, and the risk of fatal mission termination.
Even without the knowledge that Cutter is one of the co-authors of the DSSPPM (which neither the Hephaestus crew nor a first-time listener knows at this point), there's a kind of irony in the contrast between these two plotlines. On the one hand, Minkowski repeatedly berates Eiffel for not having read Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol Manual, which was made mandatory by Command. On the other hand, she is aware that Command in general - and Cutter specifically - represents the biggest threat to the safety and survival of her crew.
Cutter uses the DSSPPM against each of the Hephaestus crew in their one-on-one conversations with him. For Minkowski, he uses it as a way of emphasising the expectations and responsibility placed on her:
MINKOWSKI There are always gaps between expectation and reality, but-- CUTTER But it's our job as leaders to close that gap, isn't it? Pryce and Carter...? MINKOWSKI 414, yes. Yes, sir, I know.
Cutter knows that Minkowski will know those tips and he knows abiding by them is important to her. She's quick to demonstrate her knowledge of the DSSPPM and agree with the tip. There's something deeply sinister to me about Cutter's use of the word 'our' here. His phrasing includes them both as leaders who should be ensuring that things are exactly as expected. It’s almost a kind of flattery at her authority, but it comes with impossibly high expectations. This way of emphasising the importance and responsibilities of her role as Commander is a targeted strategy by Cutter at manipulating Minkowski, designed to appeal to her values.
In Hera's one-on-one, Cutter uses a DSSPPM tip to interpret her behaviour and claim that he can read her motives:
CUTTER This thing you're doing. Asking questions while you get your bearings. HERA Sir, I'm just curious about-- CUTTER Pryce and Carter 588: Shows of courtesy and polite queries are an efficient way to gain time necessary to strategize.
Unlike with Minkowski (or Eiffel), Cutter doesn't prompt Hera to demonstrate her knowledge of the manual. That wouldn't work as a power play against Hera, who would be able to recall the manual (or, rather, retrieve the file, however that distinction works within her memory) but who doesn't care about the DSSPPM like Minkowski does. Instead, Cutter implies that Hera’s behaviour can be predicted - or at the very least seen through - by the DSSPPM, which seems like a cruel attempt by Cutter at belittling her.
For Eiffel, Cutter uses the manual as a weapon in a different way again. He asks Eiffel, "which one was 897, what was the exact phrasing of that Deep Space Survival Tip?", something which Eiffel clearly doesn't know, but Cutter of course does. This puts Eiffel on the back foot, trying to defend and justify himself, allowing Cutter to emphasise his position of power yet again.
The DSSPPM plays a double role in the liveshow. On the one hand, as Minkowski reminds Eiffel, proper knowledge of the manual "would've saved [the crew] from these problems with the nav computer" – some of the tips can potentially save the crew a great deal of hassle, stress, and risk. On the other hand, the same manual is used by Cutter to manipulate, unsettle, and intimidate the crew. There are these two sides to the information given to the crew by Command - two sides to the manual which Minkowski still values.
In another duality for the DSSPM, the manual is sometimes used as a symbol of the relationship between the crew members and Command, and sometimes used to indicate the dynamics between the individual crew members, usually Minkowski and Eiffel. Before Cutter’s appearance in the liveshow, Minkowski and Eiffel’s discussions of the DSSPPM reflect interpersonal disagreements between two people with fundamentally different attitudes:
MINKOWSKI Oh come on, why do you think I keep trying to get you to go over these things? Do you think I enjoy going through them? EIFFEL Yes. MINKOWSKI Well, alright, I do. But this knowledge could save your life.
Minkowski enjoys rules, regulations, and certainty, for their own sake as much as for any practical usefulness. Eiffel very much does not. This is a simple clash of individuals, in which the link between the DSSPPM and Command is implicit. Minkowski doesn't seem to question the idea that the information in the DSSPPM is potentially life-saving, even though she knows Command don't care about their lives. But Cutter’s repeated references to the DSSPPM remind us who made that book a mandatory part of mission training – it certainly wasn’t Minkowski, even if she’s often the one attempting to enforce this rule.
At the end of the liveshow, in a desperate attempt to prevent mission termination, Eiffel promises Cutter that he will read the DSSPPM (the liveshow transcript notes that him saying this is "like pulling teeth"), an instance of the manual being used in negotiations between the Hephaestus crew and Command. All Minkowski’s orders weren’t enough to get Eiffel to read that book, but a genuine life-or-death threat might just about be enough. Perhaps it's ironic that Eiffel reads the survival manual out of a desire for survival, not because he thinks the contents of the book will help him survive, but because he’s grasping anything he can offer to buy the crew’s survival from those who created that same book.
In the final scene of the liveshow, Minkowski catches Eiffel reading the DSSPPM, and he fumbles to hide that he's been reading it, a humorous reversal of all the times that he's lied to her that he has read it. Perhaps admitting that he's reading it would be like letting Minkowski win. Minkowski seems to find both surprise and amusement in seeing Eiffel finally reading the manual, but she doesn't push him to admit it. There's some slightly smug but still friendly teasing in the way Minkowski says "were you now?" when Eiffel says that he was just reading something useful. In that final scene, the manual is viewed again through the lens of Minkowski and Eiffel’s dynamic – Command’s relation to the DSSPPM becomes secondary.
“The first thing I'd make damn sure was hard wired into anything that might end up in a situation like this one”: the DSSPPM as a tool of survival
In Ep30 Mayday, when Eiffel is stranded alone on Lovelace’s shuttle, he hallucinates Minkowski to bring him out of his helpless panic and force him into action. And this hallucination also brings with it one of Minkowski’s interests:
MINKOWSKI Eiffel... I worked on this shuttle. Reprogramming that console. EIFFEL So? How does that help – MINKOWSKI Think about it. BEAT. And then he gets it. EIFFEL Oh goddammit. MINKOWSKI What's the first thing that I would do when programming a flight computer? The first thing I'd make damn sure was hard wired into anything that might end up in a situation like this one? EIFFEL Pyrce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol Manual.
Again, a conversation about the DSSPPM gives us an indication of the development of Minkowski and Eiffel’s relationship. Not only does Eiffel imagine Minkowski as a figure of (fairly aggressive) support when he’s stranded and alone, he thinks about what advice she’d give him and he follows it. Rather than dismissing the manual entirely, he looks for tips that are relevant to his situation. He’s not pleased about his hallucinated-Minkowski trying to get him to read the DSSPPM, but that was what his mind gave him in an almost hopeless situation. Some part of him now empathises with Minkowski’s priorities in a way that he definitely wasn’t doing in Ep1. He thinks that the DSSPPM might be on the shuttle because he knows the manual is important to Minkowski. It’s by imagining Minkowski that he gets himself to read the manual in order to see if it can help him survive – he certainly doesn’t think about what Cutter or anyone else from Command would tell him to do.
In the end, the tips Eiffel picks out aren’t all that helpful or informative: “Confront reality head-on”; “In an emergency, take stock of the tools at your disposal. Then take stock again. Restock. Repurpose. Reuse. Recycle."; and “"In times of trouble, an idle mind is your worst enemy”. But Eiffel does use these tips to structure his initial thinking about how to survive on Lovelace’s shuttle. In an almost entirely hopeless situation, Eiffel finds some value in the DSSPPM. But since the tips he picks out are mostly platitudes, the actual wisdom that allows him to survive all comes from his own mind; the tips, like his hallucinations, are just a tool he uses to externalise his process of figuring out what to do.
“Wasn't there something about this in the survival manual?”: Minkowski potentially moving away from the DSSPPM
Given the significance of the DSSPPM in Season 1 and 2 to Minkowski in particular, it feels notable when the manual isn’t referenced. Unless I've missed something (and please let me know if I have), Minkowski – the real one, not Eiffel’s hallucination - doesn't bring up the manual of her own accord at all in Seasons 3 or 4. This might make us wonder if she’s moved away from her trust in and reliance on that book provided by Command.
Perhaps the arrival of the SI-5, which highlights to Minkowski that the chain of command is not a good indicator of trustworthy authority, was the final straw. Or perhaps the apparent loss of Eiffel - and any subsequent questioning of her leadership approach, or realisations about the valuable perspective Eiffel provided - were what finally broke down her faith in that book.
Alternatively, perhaps Minkowski still trusts the DSSPPM as much as ever, but trying to get Eiffel or any of the other crew members to listen to it is a losing battle that she no longer sees as a priority. Either way, Minkowski’s apparent reluctance to bring up the DSSPPM feels like a shift in her approach.
The associations between Minkowski and the DSSPPM are still there in Season 3, but they are raised by other characters, not by Minkowski herself. The manual is used to emphasise Eiffel’s difficulties when he’s put in charge of trying to get Maxwell and Hera to fill out a survey in Ep32 Controlled Demolition. Trying to force other people to be productive pushes Eiffel into some very uncharacteristic behaviour:
EIFFEL Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you? It's like you've never even read Pryce and Carter! Tip #490 very clearly states that – He trails off. After a BEAT – HERA Officer Eiffel? MAXWELL You, uh, all right there? EIFFEL (the horror) What have I become? [...] Eiffel, now wrapped up in a blanket, is next to Lovelace. He is still very clearly shaken. EIFFEL ... and... it was like an episode of the Twilight Zone. I was slowly transforming into Commander Minkowski. [...] It was a nightmare! A terrifying, bureaucratic nightmare!
This is a funny role reversal, but it shows us the strength of Eiffel’s association between Minkowski and the DSSPPM, as well his extreme aversion to finding himself in a strict bureaucratic leadership position. It also suggests that becoming extremely frustrated when trying to get other people to do what you want might make anyone resort to relying on an external source of authority, such as the manual. I don’t know whether this experience helps Eiffel empathise with Minkowski, but perhaps it might give us some insight into how her need for authority and control in the leadership role she occupied might have reinforced her deference to the DSSPPM.
In Ep34, we get a suggestion of another character having a strong association between the DSSPPM and Minkowski. After the discovery of Funzo, Hera asks Minkowski what the manual says about it:
HERA Umm... I don't know if this is a good idea. Lieutenant, wasn't there something about this in the survival manual? MINKOWSKI Pryce and Carter 792: Of all the dangers that you will face in the void of space, nothing compares to the existential terror that is Funzo.
It’s interesting to me that Hera asks Minkowski here. We know from Ep1 that “Pryce and Carter's Deep Space Survival Procedure Protocol Manual is among the files [Hera has] access to”. Two possible reasons occur to me for why Hera might ask Minkowski about the DSSPPM tip here. One possibility is that Hera thinks that retrieving the manual from her databanks and finding the correct tip would take her more time than it would take for Minkowski to just remember the tip. Which suggests interesting things about the nature of Hera’s memory, but also implies that - at least in Hera's view -Minkowski’s knowledge of the DSSPPM is more reliable than that of a supercomputer.
The other possibility is that Hera could have recalled the relevant DSSPPM tip incredibly quickly but she doesn’t want to, maybe because she resents having that manual in her head in the first place, or maybe because she wants to show respect for Minkowski’s knowledge as a Commander. Either way, we can see that Hera – like Eiffel – strongly associates Minkowski with the DSSPPM.
And Minkowski, even if she wasn’t the one to bring up the manual here, recalls the relevant tip immediately. Perhaps she is moving away from her trust in that manual, but everything that she learned as part of her old deference to the authority of Command is still there in her head. She might want to forget it by the end of the mission, but that’s not easily achieved. The way Minkowski’s friends/crewmates associate the manual with her emphasises the difficulty she’ll face if she tries to move away from it.
“One thousand and one pains in my ass”: The authorship of the DSSPPM
In Ep55 A Place for Everything, Eiffel effectively expresses his long-held dislike of the DSSPPM when he comes face-to-face with both of its authors:
EIFFEL What? What the hell are - wait a minute - Pryce? As in one thousand and one pains in my ass, Pryce? (sudden realization) Which... makes you...? MR. CUTTER (holding out his hand) W.S. Carter, pleased to meet you.
It’s significant that the two ‘big bads’ of the whole series are the authors of the manual which Minkowski and Eiffel were bickering about all the way back in Ep1. It’s not the only way in which the message of this show positions itself firmly against just accepting externally imposed authority and hierarchy without question or evidence, but it does reinforce this ethos.
By being the authors of the manual, Cutter and Pryce have had a sinister hidden presence throughout the show. Long before we know who Pryce is and even before we hear Cutter’s name, their manual is there, occupying a prominent place in Minkowski’s motivations and priorities, and in her arguments with Eiffel. It’s not at all comparable to what Pryce put in Hera’s mind, but it is another way in which these antagonists have wormed their way into the heads of our protagonists.
Minkowski will have to come to terms with the fact that the 1001 tips she spent hours memorising and reciting were written by two people who would have killed her, her crew, and even the whole human race without hesitation if it served their purposes. We never get to hear Minkowski’s reaction to learning the identities of Pryce and Carter, but I think processing the role of their manual in her life will be a long and difficult road that’ll tie into a lot of other emotional processing she needs to do. Her assertion to Cutter that, without him, she is “Renée Minkowski... and that is more than enough to kick your ass!” feels like part of that journey. She doesn’t mention the DSSPPM at all in Season 4. She’s growing beyond it.
"Doug Eiffel's Deep Space Survival Guide": The DSSPPM as a weapon against those who wrote it
Last but not least, I couldn’t write about Eiffel and the DSSPPM without mentioning this scene from Ep58 Quiet, Please:
EIFFEL As someone once told me: "Pryce and Carter 754: In an emergency, take stock of the tools at your disposal, then take stock again. Repurpose, reuse, recycle." And right now? You know what I got? I got this lighter from when Cutter was using me as his personal cabana boy. [...] and I've got myself this big, fat copy of the Deep Space Survival Manual, and you know what I'm gonna do with it? [...] Eiffel STRIKES THE LIGHTER. And LIGHTS THE BOOK ON FIRE, revealing Pryce just a few feet away from him! EIFFEL I am going to repurpose it... and reuse it... and recycle it into a GIANT FIREBALL OF DEATH! And he swings the flaming book forward, HITTING PRYCE ON THE SIDE OF THE HEAD. [...] EIFFEL That's right! Doug Eiffel's Deep Space Survival Guide, B-
No one other than Doug Eiffel could pull off the chaotic energy of this moment. It doesn’t get much more anti-authority than lighting the mandatory mission manual on fire and using it as a weapon against one of its malevolent authors. It might not be the wisest move safety-wise, and it certainly doesn’t improve the situation when the node gets jettisoned into space. But there is still a powerful symbolism in taking a symbol of the hierarchical forces that have tried to constrain you for years and setting it alight to fight back against those forces. Eiffel takes his own approach to survival and puts his own name into the title, an assertion of his agency and rejection of Command's authority.
The DSSPPM tip that he uses here is one of those he considers when stranded on Lovelace’s shuttle. It’s understandable that after that experience it might have stuck in his memory.
I can’t help feeling that the line “as someone once told me” has a double meaning here. The immediate implication is to interpret “someone” as being Pryce and Cutter – it’s their manual after all – which makes this line a fairly effective ‘fuck you’ gesture, emphasising how Eiffel is using Pryce’s manual against her in both an abstract and a physical sense.
But I think “someone” could also mean Minkowski. Eiffel uses a singular rather than plural term, there’s already an association established between Minkowski and the DSSPPM, and, in Mayday, it’s his hallucination of Minkowski that gets him to read this tip. She's probably also recited this tip to him at other points as well. Under this interpretation, this line is as much a gesture of solidarity with Minkowski as it is a taunt to Pryce. I like the idea that these two interpretations can run alongside each other, reflecting the duality of the use of the DSSPPM that I talked about in relation to the liveshow.
Conclusion
The DSSPPM is a symbol of external rules imposed on people by those with power over them. These rules can be strange, arbitrary, and even sinister, but for those with a desire for certainty and control, like Minkowski, they can be tempting. And they can have their uses, as well as the potential to be repurposed. Attitudes towards these rules provide an effective shorthand as part of Minkowski and Eiffel’s characterisation. And the clash between these attitudes, and how that clash manifests, can tell us something about how the dynamic between those characters develops and changes.
#Wolf 359#w359#Renee Minkowski#Doug Eiffel#Renée Minkowski#I guess I lied when I said I was halfway through at 1000 words#I hope that those who liked my preview post were up for a long read#This is over 5000 words and I still haven't said everything!#You could write a PhD thesis on this#Honestly I feel like this is full of typos and mistakes cos I was kinda tired as I proofread it but I just want to get it posted today#Otherwise I could spend even more time on it and make it even longer... (and also I want it to be out in the world)#But please do lmk if you spot a typo/mistake. I won't be offended#I'd also be interested to hear people's thoughts on any of this#Unimportant point but I'm shaking my head at Minkowski if she wouldn't let Eiffel listen to the DSSPPM instead of reading it#Audiobooks are a valid method of reading. Don't deny a man with ADHD his own approach to absorbing info!#Then again. it might have been an unfounded assumption of Eiffel's that Minkowski wouldn't have accepted him listening to it#I think in school he definitely got in trouble for boasting that he's actually read the book this time when he just watched the film#the empty man posteth
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yknow i've met a lot of cool people in the twt and blue sky spiderbit community and i and they make some really cool stuff,,,, but man, sometimes it gets really tiring seeing so many people write cellbit as this tough and muscular dominating guy whos taller and roier as the shorter one who's always blushing and getting flustered when flirted with and stuff,,,
and like it's not everyone and it's usually not this extreme in a singular fic or art but it happens often enough that i feel kinda,,, :/
i don't wanna say anything for a few reasons, 1 it's even very present in stuff by the more popular people in the fandom, some people i really respect
and it's not even like an aggressive point but i still feel like it could upset people even though i'm of course not naming names. and yknow people can write what they want but but it's just. really tiring
i had another draft here that came off a lot more frustrated and acusitory because i was feeling shit and kept seeing this type of thing,,,
idk i'm just kinda sad still seeing all of this, but whatever it really doesn't matter at all it's fanfiction about cubitos from a mc smp that's been over for months so whatever,
maybe i'll delete this later idk i don't want to upset anyone or make them feel shitty for anything more just tired of this pattern i've been seeing and still often see.
#rainy day rambles#discourse#i guess idk#it just makes me feel kinda meh yknow#to each their own but man i can't stand seeing this as much as i do#yknow you can have your headcannons that's fine but you can't just say it's literally confirmed and canon#that last tag is about the spiderbit hight thing pls you can hc what u want#but trying to disprove others hcs and continuously insisting yours is ''correct'' and canon confirmed when it's not is kinda frustrating#man i love so much of the community but i'm so tired of seeing so much of this#this post will probably not last but who knows#i'd post it on my alt but it's already all typed out here and i'm lazy
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#oh man I didn't realize how badly I'd lost track of time since my wife finally got her career news#until my partner told me baseball starts *this week*#(tbh I kinda thought it didn't usually start till april anyway?)#(but also april is next week.)#(I'm very sick and it's very disorienting.)#(and I can't do anything but sit and wait for another month and a half and just. hope maybe this doctor will do their job.)#(I know it may be tiring to hear about but I'm putting it in the tags where it's easy not to read and like it's my blog after all :v )
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i wanna scream at the perisex trans people on my post so badly. like yes you do make good points but you're coming onto my post that was first and foremost about intersexism in trans spaces and framing yourself as having a stronger vantage point to criticize the tme/tma dichotomy than intersex trans ppl.
like it's not that you're wrong, it's that i made that post specifically to vent my frustrations about how perisex trans people looove to ignore the concerns that intersex trans people have about the black and white language they use. and then you came onto my post and basically said 'well as a perisex person, i can confirm that your concerns are valid' as if intersex people need perisex validation in order to discuss or vent about intersexism
#i kinda just wanna turn reblogs off but i'm not going to. i'm just tired of perisex trans ppl man#i know i'm being pretty incoherent here but i don't really know how to word it without implying that they're Wrong#because the thing is that their points aren't wrong!! it's their dismissiveness of the original post's intent that's the problem#just another day of being vocally intersex online i guess#lelei speaks ★#intersexism cw
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Late bun for bunny day
Uncropped version:
#ritte draws stuff#nacht faust#black clover#i'm too tired for proper colouring lol :')#sorry i kinda just recycled the poker outfit i drew back in may minus the stripes#the realization that every other nacht artist has already drawn him in a bunny suit makes this a lot less embarrassing for me to post#we're all really just mentally unwell over this man huh LMAO
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Okay I'm kinda talking out my ass/projecting my own autism onto Saiki here but:
Though Saiki is an unreliable narrator and truly loves his friends, I think some of his resentment over hanging out with them is real, and I can understand it.
I am a person who can readily admit I love my friends, and I do like to socialise, but I need plenty of warning beforehand and time to recuperate afterwards, because socialising takes effort. When I'm invited to do something or hang out with friends, I almost always feel a shadow of resentment about it - even if it's a thing I want to do and with people I like. It still feels like I'm losing out on a day of doing jack-shit. Cancelling on doing jack-shit is still cancelling on plans, even if those plans were just "wake up, write fanfiction, draw pictures, etc." and it throws me off. I feel like I can't enjoy spending time with my friends unless I give myself time to get excited about it, and if it happens too suddenly I find myself shutting down or floating away a bit.
Now, if we look at Saiki, who's friendship with all these people was pretty much built on these kinds of interactions, and add those to his deep-rooted belief that he doesn't deserve friends, that resentment and anxiety must be even more strong. I think the fact that Saiki obviously grows to care for his friends really shows his deep desire for connection, even more so if we go with the interpretation that some of his negative feelings about them are real.
My point with this ramble isn't to say "Saiki really does find the others annoying and therefore doesn't like them" but rather the opposite. On some level, Saiki is "tolerating" being out of his comfort zone, but the fact that he's willing to do this for his friends shows that he really does care about them.
#I fucking FELT that episode where Saiki's friends kept inviting him to do stuff over the holidays until he had no time to himself#I like people and hanging out and stuff but I would still HATE that#“oh no my beautiful summer vacation is being filled up with horrible activities!” I know what u are#this long-ass ramble was inspired by the fact that I just spent a day with my friends after only a day's warning#I love them very much but felt kinda awful the whole time and my brain was like extra slow#and was like “man does Saiki feel like this every time he hangs out with his friends? I'm surprised he isn't even MORE of a grump”#but yeah I think it probably gets a bit easier for him once walking home with the others and getting ramen becomes a routine#the annoyance is 100% real at first and then after a while he's sorta lying to himself but is still tired by the others#that's my headcanon#pendragon theories#does that count as a theory?#saiki k#saiki kusuo
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BOOM SHAKALA MOTHERFUCKERS I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA!!!!!!!!
So, this time it's not anything to do with worlds or space but BIRDS.
Bet you didn't expect that one didn't you!
Sam have a great expansion of knowledge about the Paranormal, Mythological and the Occult. So, she finds out magic is real and is fucking ecstatic, well after she met Pandora, she started going through all of her material for spells and what not.
She knows all witches have to have a familiar, but she doesn't know what she would want to have as one, then a crow catches her eye and she just goes fuck it.
Then she started collecting an army of crows.
Pandora herself helps teach her the more, mystic, parts of magic whenever she's available, with Undergrowth begrudgingly helping her along with other parts such as nature magic.
Which is actually surprisingly difficult and rather easy and the same time.
Undergrowth uses a completely different system to use his abilities, whereas Sam uses mana and the occult to achieve her magic. So some things that Undergrowth can do easily might be hard to do for Sam, and where things that Sam can do easily would be a bit difficult for Undergrowth to do too.
The same thing is true for Pandora, albeit to a much lesser extent. She knows about spells and mana, so it's easier for her to translate to into teaching for Sam unlike Undergrowth.
Pandora is the one who helped to unlock Sam's mana when she was interested in it, finding that she has a great amount of mana right off the bat.
Enough that in the olden days she would be fought over by magicians fiercely.
Even more so by how greatly it increases by the added on amount of her familiars.
Now, a single crow's mana isn't that much in the grand scheme of things, but add on 50, 100, 1000? Now, that is a great boost indeed.
Sam has enough crows to cover the sky has an entire city. Though most of them she never uses, that's still a great deal of mana that she and her familiar's are constantly sharing with each other, she even managed to cast protection magic on each and every one.
At least she's dedicated.
Hotep Ra is back in town, despite his attempts to plot and use Tucker to further his own ends, he now wants to serve the boy just as he did Duulaman.
To which Tucker was rightfully suspicious of.
Hotep Ra explained that now that Tucker has defeated him, no matter if he had help from his friends or that ghost boy or not, he has recognized him as the rightful heir to the throne.
Even if that throne is long gone, Hotep Ra is not.
With the time he spent with Tucker, he would sometimes urge the boy to reclaim his past self's throne, claiming that Duulaman and by an obvious extension Tucker, was born to rule over others.
To which tucker doesn't really want so he just nopes outta that one.
Hotep Ra also help him be able to control the scepter, although he himself doesn't have complete knowledge of it, he's learned through observing Duulaman what to do and how to use it.
He also got Tucker a few birds as an apology, specifically Golden Eagles, as Duulaman himself quite loved the apex birds, and thought it would be a fitting apology if Tucker happened to share the same trait.
It worked.
So now tucker has pet Eagles that come to him whenever he wants.
Danny is a bit miffed at current events, don't get him wrong he's happy that his friends get to learn magic and stuff, but now they barely have anytime to hang out!
Seeing that his kid isn't feeling that great what with his recent friends learning magic and having birds, Pariah thought that it would score him a few dad points if he got his kid his own bird!
Said bird is a giant the size of two houses that can and would kill if given a reason to. Pariah Dark literally forced it into submission so his son can be happy, it can also split itself up into multiple smaller birds.
Danny is happy with his gift.
Sam, when she isn't learning with Pandora or Undergrowth or hanging out with Danny and Tucker, usually occupies herself trying out magical concoctions or rituals.
A recent one she wants to try is to make a stone, a stone which is surprisingly apart of the family tree with the Philosopher's stone, just that this one uses no alchemy and pure magic to achieve its results.
She's confident in herself and that she can do, so she gathered all the ingredients listed for it. The first few of the ingredients were rather easy to get at first.
A lotus whom blooms at the crack of morn yet lay dormant 'i its absence.
A lotus which grants thou both power and strength tied with the god of kinship, physic, protection, travelling lamp and welken
A stone what be foe of any poison
A stone quoth to dispatch any whom comes into contact
All four of these weren't hard to get, though she had to wait quite a while for her crows to bring her the items requested.
The last item was a liquid.
Substance of greenist glow quoth to bring the dead to life and the corky to youth
Easy, she thought. There is loads of that stuff all around the ghost zone, though when she tried it, it failed.
Again, she tried failed.
She never knew what went wrong, she had all the ingredients, so what is happening? She looked over the recipe again, seeing that everything she had should have worked.
Was it her timing?
No, her timing was perfect.
Were her ingredients defective of some kind?
No, if they were she would know.
She paced back and forth through her room, thinking to herself what she could be doing wrong with a few crows looking at her curiously. She went through the recipe over and over, looking over her timing and ingredients before stopping.
Wait.
Bring the dead to life. Ectoplasm can't do that.
Sam sent out a village's worth of crows to find this mysterious substance that she thought was ectoplasm, but isn't. Yet when her familiars came back, not a single one could find it for her.
So, she sent them into the zone, confident in her protections so that they won't be harmed. It was when she was sleeping that she felt it.
A vicious snaping withing her chest that forced her awake and out of bed, almost immediately she called all of her crows to her, all of them coming but one.
So, she sent out to find her missing crow. Going to where she can feel the bond's last traces and with coming upon a portal. She then departed without hesitation with only half of her scout crows.
Almost immediately she could feel the bond pick back up again and made hast to follow it. When she got there she was ecstatic, there right in front of her was a glowing green pool of the liquid she thinks she needed.
Though she was cautious in approaching it.
It was only when she was nearby the pool did she realize a man was in the room with her, a man who stepped out of the pool with his attention fully on her, his red eyes gazing at her with interest.
She tensed when she noticed one of her scout crows gripped tightly in his hand.
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Man idk what I'm doing lmao but I wanted to make this a dc x dp crossover so hhehaheheh.
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Danny and Tucker are worried about Sam, they haven't seen her in a while, and while it isn't all that usual for her to be doing her own magic thing for days on end.
They couldn't help this foreboding feeling in the back of they're heads.
Which was only furthered by how her crows gathered around them and pushed them towards a portal in the zone. Hotep Ra went with them, not one to leave his master.
The three stepped into the portal, and not knowing that they stepped into an entire different universe.
They started to search for their missing friend with the help of her crows and their own birds.
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A thing, Sam doesn't know where all of her familiars are and vice versa normally. But if she ever focuses on their bond it would lead her to them, and she can call them to her whenever she wants.
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#Dp x dc#sam manson#tucker foley#Ghost prince Danny#pariah Dark#Malewife pariah dark#Hotep Ra#ra's al ghul#Sam is a witch#Hotep Ra wants to serve Tucker#Danny is still the prince of ghosts#Pariah Dark just wants to be a good dad#They all get bird pets#how did this evolve into this man#This was a mistake#but Idk I'm kinda digging it#Anyways#This isn't the ramblings of a drunk man#Its the ramblings of a tired drunkman#Big difference#uh#Enjoy I guess#Does Sam make it out unscathed after she meets Ra's?#Who knows!
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you just made the scientific discovery of the century & you want to tell everyone & your kids are first on that list but you can't find them. you manage to get a hold of your daughter & she says everything is fine but her voice gets tight when you try to mention your work & she sucks in a breath & says she won't keep you from it any longer than she already has & doesn't say bye as she hangs up the phone. you have a sinking feeling in your gut & you really want to get back to what you were doing but. something's wrong. where are your kids. why was your daughter not surprised when you told her. why was she so quick to hang up on you. your husband has the same type of mind & that's probably why neither of you can ignore this odd turn of events & so you decide to track them down. the research can wait. after all, the spook got away somehow afterwards. it's not like you have anything to go through but data & recordings.
#i don't usually write like this#i just had to type out the thing that's been in my mindddd cuz fanfics take way too long to write#& PMVs take to long to drawww oouughhh#i think i'm getting sick cuz i'm up until dawn & i'm tired constantly but in a weird way like in a migraine kinda way#sure i'll tag this i guess#danny phantom#obsessed with the idea of Maddie & Jack vivisecting Phantom without knowing he's Danny#& there being a whole slowburn reveal & then they're horrified because their entire worldview just got changed in the worst way possible#i find a lot of current fics that use vivisection always make the reveal happen beforehand for some reason#when the original ye olde vivfics from 10+ years ago like PoT happened pre-reveal & that's why Maddie &/or Jack did it At All#because they didn't know it was their son. they didn't know Phantom was their boy#it's just odd to me that the Phandom has shifted towards Maddie & Jack being actively abusive instead of passively abusive/neglectful#like do not get me wrong. they aren't great parents. they're actually really bad parents#but they do genuinely love their kids & would change for them. because their abuse/neglect is passive. it's subconscious#people always view abuse as hitting your kids purposefully because you like it & shit like that & most of the time it's not#& because of that misunderstanding we have a lot of out of character Maddie & Jack in fics#they wouldn't hurt their son. so you have to make them not know or not believe it's him#let them show a little emotion about it too man c'mon
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Hehehe he blushin'
#anyway not been drawing lately cause it finals#ut just wanted to show I'm still kinda active and not dead#I'm not sure if some of you are already tired of my THoND art#but just so you know I'm not stopping#Still gonna do more Pied Piper art though#I'm not forgetting my flute man 🎶#rmf speaks#text#also I'm tired
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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transfem scott getting lots of support from ramona and kim in the early 2000's when shit's very taboo but they all 3 have a fire forged bond and lord if they aren't going to make sure they're all as happy as they can be because they've come this far and I dunno it just makes me happy all three of them
YES YES YES
It makes me very happy as well,,
Like I've said before. General Trans Scott enthusiast here- I love the idea of their little support network *violent coughing* I (we?) mean polycule *violent coughing* so fucking much.
Ramona I think has a bit of a more gentle hand with reassuring Scott with gender issues, but sometimes she just can't help herself from some pointed banter or teasing- how could you with someone so dense? (Said w affection)
And then Kim I think is more blunt. But like, in a good way mostly, you know? The kinda blunt that makes you snap to attention and go "Oh. Yeah that was silly of me." And if Ramona's started some sort of banter? Kim is SO piling on. Maybe sometimes she's a bit TOO blunt with it- but it's only because she's so firm in her support. She wants Scott to Get It Together- and be happier for it. So if some ribbing now and again is in order, then goddamnit she will do so! Anything to crack that shell.
And ohhh can you imagine how they would react to some transphobic bullshit?? Unholy terror would be driven into the offender before they walk off with an absurd amount of coins between them. I can feel it in my bones. Scott doesn't even have to lift a finger (if the transphobe is even noticed/processed at all, bc I honestly can see Scott just. Not realizing someone's being transphobic.) Kim giving someone a lashing with her tongue as distraction and then Ramona coming in with the hammer- BAM! Free Money! Paying literally with your life for your transphobia. A Better And Just World.
And of course (transfem Scott more specifically, here,) the way Scott would start to flourish under their support... cagey and maybe a little (perhaps a lot-) resistant to start- but Kim's blunt affirmations and no nonsense attitude for bullshit (which is what Scott insisting on "being cis" would be, c'mon now,) and Ramona's also low bullshit tolerance but less Stabby (bc I won't lie, that's probably how Kim's comments would feel,) assurances? Ough... My Heart... Be Still-
I would Kill for them, Your Honor-
(Ran out of tags so putting this in the body of the post- I am SO tired someone pls sound off if this isn't as coherent as I am hoping this is. I WAS trying to nap and get the extra sleep I desperately needed but the writing bug... it Bit Me.... only a little but enough to stop that process-)
#for my trans masc scott hcs I am actually so seriously and deeply fond of Kim having been SO supportive of Scott in HS. It's so important +#+to me. it also makes their whole relationship sting a little more but ohhh man. I can just see Kim hyping him up and helping him get more+#+comfortable in his skin. Lisa would definitely help there too imo but just. ahhhhhgshcksjdhg#i need to put some transmasc scott hs stuff on my fic docket. but I have so many wips rn x~x pray for me chat#(literally stopped writing something to answer this dhdjshdjdgw I Am Part Of The Problem-)#as always to people looking for transfem scott stuff I point you towards Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Egg on AO3- as well as Amy +#+Pilgrim's Precious Little Life (also AO3)#the second has 2 chapters out currently but I believe the 3rd is definitely underway! and then the first has 22 chapters out currently and#+I believe part 3 has just kicked off w that latest one#you've seen some of the authors here before I'm like 99% certain- even if you may not have realized it lol#headcanons#scott pilgrim headcanons#sp comic#spto#spvtw#ramona flowers#kim pine#scott pilgrim#sckimona#(not putting it into ship stuff but like. Definitely what was on the mind)#trans headcanon#trans scott pilgrim#ooc#asks#anon#gmorning all btw. i am still So Tired. I'm gonna try and maybe make more icons today if anyone has any requests? or otherwise I do have +#+some shippy stuff I need to get done. ninjastar edits. vague lukim thing potentially. kinda wanna draw more furry kimona--#i could do furry sckimona..... h m m m m.....#we'll see what happens! admittedly i do also have some Gaming Plans later today and I am helpless but to allow the monopolization of my tim#(fellow lesbians out there will Understand /hj) (if the person i would prefer to have not read that read that Politely Ignore pls-)
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