#I'm just gonna come out and say it's not fair that I've spent 3 years being smeared because of someone's personal beef with me

[crush3dmary]

One thing I really want to emphasize is that I am an adult with a very stressful life. In my two years at my job I have been the first responder to 7 overdoses, one of which was almost fatal and it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I have to make some very hard decisions. It's not an easy job. I come to fandom to share the love for my favourite games and shows and to create content that we can all enjoy. Writing is my passion and I love sharing my stories and connecting with other writers and encouraging them to keep going too. I come to fandom for fun.

I am not having fun anymore. I think I should step away for a bit.

[blandtako]

Why did it have to be a Daffodil? | Sung Hanbin x GN!Reader | Chapter 1

➤ Summary: After having become close friends during their first year of Highschool, Hanbin and Y/N have become inseparable. Highschool, college, adulthood, nothing would change the fact that they'd always be there for one another, no matter how much it hurt. ➤ Pairing: Sung Hanbin x GN!Reader ➤ Genre: fluff, angst, highschool au, college au, unrequited love, slight smut (In certain chapters, there will be warnings). ➤ Warnings: language, alcohol consumption, allusions to anxiety and/or depression, suggestive, Hanbin is bisexual. The ff was written with the perception of a Male!Reader in mind, but I will be using gender neutral pronouns. More specific warnings will be added depending on the chapter. ➤ Status: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 (Work in progress) | upcoming ➤ Word Count: 6,6K ➤ A/N: Finally finished working on Chapter 1! This is mainly an introductory Chapter in which we get to know Y/N and get to see a few of the characters within this story! Keep in mind that at least in the first few chapters (Probably around Chapter 4-5) the characters are attending highschool, and most romantic moments will happen after that. I hope you enjoy! This is my first ff, so I'm gonna try my best, even though I've found writing dialogues a HUGE hassle lmao. If you have any suggestion or constructive criticism, please go ahead and share it! Any help will be appreciated <3

Y/N’s train of thoughts could be quite dispersive at times. From imagining themselves in made-up scenarios to worrying about how to optimize their time spent on video games, there was one thing in particular that they often thought about. How would their life be as a TV series? What events would be shown, and what wouldn’t be considered interesting enough to be put on screen? Their responses to themselves would change from time to time, but the one thing that wouldn’t change was the fact that even within their own life, Y/N would be a supporting character at best. Nothing particularly exciting had ever happened to them. They had a loving family, and while there could be a few small fights, it was nothing more than an argument any kind of family would have. To be fair, Y/N had never been a rebel, and while they did have their share of flaws (such as an intense need to procrastinate that led to their votes not always being the best), they weren’t the type to cause much of a ruckus. Middle school wasn’t exactly the greatest, but Y/N had soon realized that most kids used to be menaces to society around that age and thus acknowledged that there were many who had been subjected to the same type of treatment. That isn’t to say that Y/N’s self-esteem had managed to come out of it unscathed though, and their trust within humanity as a whole had descended quite a bit (although that might have just been their edgy years talking). But bullying was something many people experienced, and some cases had it much, MUCH worse than Y/N ever had, so to them it just felt a bit egotistical to complain. Besides, while there weren’t a lot, Y/N did have friends who cared for them and who they cared for. Y/N would exaggerate when it came to having to define how tough their life was, but truthfully they knew that they didn’t really have it that rough, and deep down they’d be thankful for that.  What type of TV series could ever be made about such a monotonous life? As the sunlight streamed in through the cracks in the blinds of Y/N’s bedroom window, drawing colorful patterns on the sheets and part of the wooden floor, a subdued growl vibrated throughout the entire room. A muffled groan complained in return, as Y/N was practically begging to be left alone to sleep just for a bit longer, but not even a second after the sound had made it out of their mouth, a high, loud bark responded to them right away from the end of the bed. “FINE, I GET IT!” Y/N yelled out in frustration as D/N (dog’s name) got closer to them, wagging its tail as it raised a paw in Y/N’s direction, trying to obtain their attention, to which Y/N faked crying. “See? D/N doesn’t want you to be late for your first day of high school either.” S/N (Sister’s name)’s voice came out from behind the door as she slowly creaked it open. “Mom already took D/N out for a walk before heading to work, but it hasn’t had something to eat yet. Refill its bowl when you go downstairs.” Y/N simply hummed in response, raising their torso and stretching their arms before getting off of bed to aid D/N in doing the same. Approaching the bedroom’s window, the first thing Y/N did after having woken up was open it to let fresh air inside. As they opened the blinds, Y/N’s eyes were forced shut by the brightness of the sun that now flowed into the room, filling every dark space with a cool, yet peaceful breath of air.

Blinking in rapid succession, Y/N rubbed their eyes with their right arm to adjust his sight to the rays of light they were met with. Y/N was surprised by how cold the weather had gotten, especially considering how warm the climate was just a couple of days prior. It felt like the world had simply decided to skip over Autumn, going directly to Winter. Not that Y/N could blame it, to be honest; their opinion on Autumn was perhaps controversial, but they could not stand it whatsoever. Y/N liked the colors and products associated with it, and they were a huge fan of Halloween marathons on TV. What they did not like was the abundance of bugs that would reappear throughout this season. In particular, they’d consider bed bugs the bane of their existence. Making their way downstairs, Y/N found their sister already nicely dressed and ready to leave the house. She smiled back at them, a comforting look in her eyes. “Are you ready for your first day?” She asked. “As ready as one can be when they’d rather just keep sleeping through the day…” Y/N responded sarcastically, despite appreciating their sister’s concern. She chuckled, adding a small “You’ll do just fine.” before hugging them and walking out the door. “Thanks…see you at dinner.” While Y/N and their sister never really had a bad relationship, it was only now that the two had actually started spending more time together. They had a 4 year difference, and S/N was always considered pretty mature for her age, while Y/N could be a bit dense at times. Y/N cherished her a lot, even though they couldn’t help but be jealous of how she seemingly went about her life so…effortlessly? It felt like she would be able to tackle anything put in her path, unfazed by the level of difficulty presented to her. She was also very beautiful; Y/N would often joke to her about how it wasn’t fair that their parents had tried harder when it came to conceiving her as opposed to them.

After having been woken up by D/N’s excitement, Y/N realized that it was quite early. They refilled their dog’s bowl with food and water and then slowly went to take a warm shower, after which they brushed their teeth. Y/N was surprised as to how calm they were at the moment. They felt like maybe they hadn’t fully grasped what was about to happen quite yet. High school could be quite dire for teenagers, and being someone who greatly despised attention on themselves, Y/N’s plan was to live out their school life as smoothly and quietly as possible; avoid any embarrassing situation; avoid people who looked like they could bring trouble; and attempt to be as pleasant as possible but not to the point where others would actively be seeking out for them.Unfortunately, plans didn’t always unravel the way one wanted them to, and Y/N would have soon had to reconsider most, if not all, of their ways.  Petting their dog’s head one last time, Y/N picked up their gray backpack and walked out the front door, locking it as they did so. The autumn breeze hit Y/N’s skin, coldly reminding them that summer was now gone, alongside their hobby of doing nothing throughout the entire day as there was no need to. The leaves of trees blushed hearth hues above, contrasting the sapphire color that tinted the sky. Y/N sighed as they mentally prepared themselves for the bus ride that was waiting for them. Despite having showered, they could feel their eyes doze off, struggling to remain open as Y/N was now used to getting much more sleep than what they got this night. It had been a couple of weeks now, and Y/N would always tell themselves that they had to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier as well, so that they would be prepared for the school year…alas, they always failed, claiming that they functioned much better at night. Now, they cursed at themselves for that. Brushing their thoughts aside, Y/N slowly walked to the bus stop close to their house. It was a couple of minutes walk at most, and they still had about 10 minutes left before the next bus would arrive. They tilted their head to the side as they saw cars driving in and out of a house closeby. Y/N’s mother had told them that someone had bought it and would have transferred there soon. Y/N simply spent the wait scrolling through their phone, and once the bus did get there, they were thankful to see that most of the seats were still free. Y/N was thankful that this was one of the first stops the bus had to take, so this was usually the case. As they got on, they showed their bus pass to the conductor and then went on to take a seat. It was a 30 minutes ride, and as such, Y/N thought it wouldn’t be that bad of an idea to lean their head on the bus’ window and get a bit of rest. Their gaze was initially fixed on the landscape outside, taking some type of enjoyment in observing the rest of the world wake up and also go on about their lives, but soon, their eyelids began fluttering, and his mind started to drift away to the land of dreams. Only, instead of being able to wander through Morpheus’ reign, Y/N’s mind was immediately picked up and thrown back to reality by the uncomfortably loud voice of a familiar person that had gone to take the seat right next to them.

“You couldn’t even wait for me to get on the bus…did you stay up all night playing League again? ” Y/N didn’t know whether or not this voice sounded incredibly irritating or lovingly familiar to them. Y/N’s immediate groan left space for a soft smile, as their eyes were met with the sight of the person they considered their best friend applying blush on her own face. “I don’t think we’re allowed to wear make-up…” Y/N’s voice was muffled due to them being on the verge of falling asleep. They recomposed themselves, straightening up to leave their friend more space. She paused for a second, turning to face Y/N as she spoke up. “It’s not a lot; it shouldn’t be an issue…besides, I have to look my best if I want to make a good impression on others, no? You’re going to leave me to do all the talking anyway…” The brunette exclaimed as she went back to focus on what she was doing before. Y/N simply chuckled in response, as Alice wasn’t wrong at all.

Alice and Y/N met during their second year of middle school. The two did not attend the same class, and weirdly enough, had never even seen each other around school before their meeting. Their school had organized a field trip for all classes within their year, and because theirs were the ones with the least amount of people in them, they ended up sharing a bus. Still, there were many free seats, and thus Y/N took advantage of that to basically lay on two of them to use as a makeshift bed.  Just like a bolt from the blue though, Alice and a friend of hers decided to approach Y/N to ask if they could let them sit there. Asking themselves why out of all people, the duo had to go and disturb them, Y/N groaned but let them take the seats anyway.  Normally, that interaction would have been their last, but unlike them, Alice made it clear right away that she was a big extrovert.  Alice and her friend started making riddles to all those that sat close to them, and as Y/N also fit in that category, they were brought into it as well.  It felt awkward at first, but Alice had been capable of bringing Y/N out of their shell, which Y/N was grateful for. They started hanging out together since then, and quickly became very close. “There is only one person from your class in middle school, right?” Alice asked as she put her hand mirror in her brown backpack. Y/N hummed. “Mhm, Kang Hye-na. She can be kind, but we weren’t really close.” “Don’t worry, Jisoo and Mingi will be with us too. I’ve already introduced you to them. There are also a few more names I’ve seen around, but there are quite a lot of people I’ve never met yet.” she added nonchalantly as she smiled at them. “It’s alright, you’ll carry my social life like I carry you in League.” Y/N responded by chuckling to themselves, but quickly jolted in pain after having received a jab to the stomach by their friend. “We’re doomed then.” Alice added, joining Y/N in their laughter. Y/N was indeed worried about having to meet new people. Making a good first impression was quite important, but they also didn’t really feel like having to put too much effort into getting to know them. Socializing with people truly was tough, and Y/N was never really fond of having to do that. Fortunately enough, their new class didn’t really have a lot of people.

The bus ride continued smoothly, and soon enough, the pair got off the bus alongside a number of other students who immediately walked towards the gate. An intense feeling of nausea started dwelling up within Y/N’s chest as a back and forth of students began surrounding them, as everybody attempted to get past the morning rush that was causing a cluster of people to form in front of the gates.  Students, teachers, staff…it all made Y/N’s head hurt, as they narrowed their eyes in an attempt to stay focused on the road ahead. New students clearly did not know where to go, and it quickly became a mess. Crowds were something Y/N really couldn’t deal with well. They felt out of place; they could feel their lungs burning up as breathing started to become harder and a need to escape invaded their thoughts. Like a slap to the face though, Y/N was brought down to earth by Alice’s gesture of grasping their hand to hold onto. “Stay close to me…” She muttered out as people pushed through. And almost as quickly as it came to be, the crowd dispersed, as everyone was finally able to go on their own merry way. Y/N and Alice did as well, managing to find a sign that indicated the location of their classroom.

The first thing Y/N noticed after having entered the room were the beige walls that enclosed it; they were mostly empty, giving off an eerie yet nostalgic feeling about them. There were a few maps attached to them, yet it wasn’t enough to shake off that apprehension. Two windows on one side of the room and three more at the back of it took over the role of illuminating the class, allowing light through them to repel darkness. “They’re already here!” Alice’s voice whispered (but also not really) to them, pushing Y/N to divert their gaze from the walls and onto the few people that had already arrived. Mingi and Jisoo, Alice’s friends, were already there, having taken two adjacent desks around the left side of the class. Y/N could see Alice moving from the corner of their right eye as the girl basically rushed to greet her other friends. Y/N counted six other students but couldn’t really recognize any of them, assuming they all had to be coming from other schools. Some of them were interacting with each other, while others were simply sitting on a chair, fidgeting with their fingers. That made them feel slightly better, as there were people who were in the same situation as them: riddled with anxiety.

Y/N reached Alice, greeting Mingi and Jisoo with a polite bow. The duo smiled in return. “How are you feeling, Y/N?” Jisoo asked with a small smile painted on her face. “Could be better, will definitely be missing sleeping up until lunch time…” Y/N replied, to which Mingi chuckled. “I get that; I have spent this summer rotting away in my room…” He added. “You kinda did that even throughout the school year though?” Alice’s voice interrupted. “You say that as if you haven’t been doing the same…” Mingi stated, to which Alice shrugged her shoulders. “I need sleep to be as perfect as I always am.” “Have you applied make-up?” Jisoo’s quiet voice came out, interrupting the banter between the two, and Alice struggled to find the words to respond immediately. Y/N chuckled. “It shouldn’t be an issue, right?” Their words filled with a teasing tone that Alice immediately shut down with a loud groan. The four of them kept talking for a bit, pausing themselves from time to time to observe those who they would have soon called classmates. Alice and Mingi would greet familiar faces, while Jisoo and Y/N remained still, both too introverted to really go out of their way to say hello. They’d awkwardly smile at each other when those moments happened, finding some type of comfort knowing that they weren’t alone in that struggle. Hyena had also entered the classroom at some point, but Y/N limited themselves to waving at her, to which she replied in a similar manner.

It didn’t take long for a middle-aged woman with black hair tied into a ponytail to enter the classroom, which led to students all taking a seat. Alice and Y/N sat in two adjacent desks, right next to Mingi and Jisoo’s. The woman introduced herself as Mrs. Choi, their class’ coordinator. She began a whole speech about integrity, the importance of studying and then remarked multiple times how her role was that of acting as a liaison between the class and their teachers. To be honest, be it due to lack of sleep or be it due to the whole speech being as basic as one could possibly be, Y/N didn’t really put a lot of effort into listening to her. The words ‘introduce yourselves’ stuck out to them, and by the time the first student began speaking, Y/N realized what was going on and what they had to do. They found these types of introductions a bit awkward, but could understand why they were important…you can’t really spend the future 3 years without knowing your classmates’ names. Everyone was stating their first and last name, their age, and one thing they liked and disliked. Y/N could feel second-hand embarrassment take over them, but soon enough came to the conclusion that they couldn’t waste time feeling empathy towards others when their turn to do the same wasn’t that far away. Jisoo introduced herself, then Mingi, and as Alice was about to finish speaking, Y/N had yet to decide what to say. As soon as their friend was done, Y/N could see eyes shift onto them, waiting for them to talk. As their heartbeat became irregular, Y/N opened their mouth to speak. “Y/N L/N, I turned 16 this summer…one thing I like is…sleeping…I guess? and I dislike bitter food.” “Well, I sure do hope you won’t be sleeping during my classes.” Mrs. Choi made an attempt at a joke, to which some students chuckled. They survived that first experience, but knowing how these things work, Y/N didn’t expect that round of introductions to be the last one. Once everybody had finished introducing themselves, Mrs. Choi started talking about her subject and what the class would have been about. They had three more classes before lunch break, and three more after it. The second and third one came and went about as smoothly as they could have, despite the fact that each student had to introduce themselves again. By the time they were done, Y/N and Alice would tell each other what each student would be saying before they could even finish, pretend to be mind readers, and then chuckle at their childish sense of humor. The issues came during the last lesson before lunch break. Their math teacher, Mr. Kim, thought it would have been fun to shuffle the class a bit, assuming that everyone would have sat close to students they already knew. He wasn’t wrong, but it was still very much unneeded. Alice couldn’t contain her laughter when Y/N stared at her with imploring eyes. “Sorry, can’t save you.” she stated lightly. All students folded a piece of paper with their name written on it and gave it to Mr. Kim, who improvised a lottery.

As each name got extracted, Y/N couldn’t help but think about how pointless this whole thing was. They would have rather taken a test than having to do this. Why would a teacher force them all out of their comfort zone right from the beginning? ‘Just leave us be…’ Y/N thought to themselves, holding their temples with an exasperated look. “...L/N Y/N!” a shiver went up Y/N’s back as they could feel their skin getting warmer. Why did this whole thing remind them of the Hunger Games? They stood up, moving to the new seat that was waiting for them. The spot next to it was still empty, but the best they could have hoped for was for Mingi’s name to come up, as Alice and Jisoo had lucked out by being paired with each other. “...Seok Matthew!” Mr. Kim mouthed. ‘Oh, the Canadian guy.’ Seok Matthew had lived in Canada for most of his childhood, transferring to Korea during his last year of Middle School. He had also skipped a year, so he was actively younger than the majority of the class by a year. ‘Seok Matthew liked eating and is recently getting into cooking as well, he dislikes rain during summer…which is oddly specific.’ Y/N thought as their gaze was fixed on the young man walking towards them. Matthew was also the only person who came from his previous class, and didn’t really seem to know anybody, yet he approached Y/N beaming a smile that radiated happiness through and through. The way he spoke and expressed himself had an innocent yet contrastingly sly charm about it. One could describe the young man as being similar to the sun: it makes you want to stare at him, but the more you do, the more you endanger yourself. The type of person who’d be able to convince you to do something even if you didn’t want to. Y/N would know, their best friend was that type of person. Y/N hummed to themselves ‘Be careful, Y/N.’. “Matthew. It’s nice to meet you!” the young brunette offered a handshake, his toothy smile shaking Y/N to their core. Recomposing themselves from the initial dumbfoundedness, Y/N accepted the handshake, sporting an attempt at a smile. “Y/N. Nice to meet you too.” “I saw your keychain…” Matthew pointed at Y/N’s backpack, a small Eevee keychain being attached to it. “I’m a HUGE Pokémon fan!” “A-Ah, I see…” “What’s your favorite generation!?” Matthew’s whispering did not resemble a whisper, and Y/N’s anxiety spiked up due to not wanting to be scolded by the teacher. “Heart Gold was my first game…I’ve got a soft spot for Gen two.” “Ah! Blastoise is my favorite, I do like Gen one a lot!” Y/N nodded. Y/N was quite the fan of Pokémon as well, but they could discern that there were better moments to talk about that than lessons. “I understand that you want to get to know each other, but could you please do so another time? L/N, Seok?” Mr. Kim called them out, and Y/N immediately jolted up, mumbling an ‘I apologize’. Matthew did the same, but Y/N couldn’t really hear him, due to embarrassment having fulfilled most of their thoughts. They could feel their chest tightening, their cheeks were blushing, and their ears’ color was also darkening. Deep down, they were cursing the sunshine boy next to them, although that feeling died down the moment Matthew turned towards them to apologize. “It’s alright, don’t worry.” Y/N couldn’t really manage to say anything else, as the puppy look their deskmate was giving them was making them feel guilty for even having had such thoughts.

Once their seats were rearranged, Mr. Kim also went over the program they would have studied throughout the year, but Mr. Kim had also decided that surprises were not over with him. “Your last class today will also be with me, so I figured I’d give you a little assignment! I want you to get acquainted with your new deskmates. We’ll be doing a small test later to see how much you’ve managed to accomplish that and what your cooperation skills are looking like! Is that all good?” A chorus of yes followed their teacher’s request, but all Y/N could think about was: ‘What the hell does any of this have to do with math…’. As soon as the teacher made his way out the door, a buzzing of voices followed, as people began exchanging pleasantries to get to know each other. “Can…Can I ask you something?” Y/N turned around as Matthew’s voice spoke clearly. “Oh, sure.” “Do you want to have lunch with my friends and me?" It’s ok if you can’t, I figured that we could maybe…take advantage of that to get to know each other more?” Y/N’s brain became foggy for a second, not expecting that request. They were aware of the fact that Matthew must have felt alone in the new class, but they also weren’t much of a fan of having to socialize with a number of people they had never spoken to. ‘It’s easy Y/N, just reject saying that you’re going to have lunch with your friends and that you can’t leave them alone.’ “I…” Matthew seemed very hopeful. Those puppy eyes… “Sure, I’d be happy to. Could my friends join us too?” Those damn puppy eyes. “Of course! The more the merrier!”

The aroma of savory meat spread throughout the entire cafeteria, making its way down Y/N’s nostrils the moment they walked through the door. Mrs. Choi had mentioned how the school’s cafeteria’s cooking was quite good, but they did not expect to be surprised THAT much. “Can you smell that? My mouth is salivating…” Matthew said, and next to him, Alice nodded with energy. Y/N hoped that Alice would have given them any reason to refuse Matthew’s offer, but their hopes were foolishly misplaced, as Alice grinned and accepted right away. Mingi and Jisoo weren’t against it either, and so the quartet made their way to have lunch together. Y/N truly felt disappointed in themselves…they thought they’d be less inclined to be convinced by people’s antics. They all got in line to get their food tray, and slowly filled them up with what they wanted to eat, with Y/N being the last. “Oh, my friends are here!” What happened after that all felt like a confused and foggy mess in Y/N’s head. The sound of footsteps protruded all around them; Y/N thought they heard Alice introducing herself, and voices they couldn’t recognize started responding back to her. Y/N turned around. A loud thud followed. They could feel something bumping into them, or maybe they were the one who bumped into it? Y/N could feel their body lose their balance, making its way to meet the floor beneath their feet, only to halt halfway through. Was there a way to prevent this incident? If Y/N hadn’t accepted Matthew’s request, would they be in this situation? They couldn’t blame the poor boy for their own incapability of standing perfectly still. Were Y/N’s shoelaces untied? Or were they simply extremely clumsy? Y/N couldn’t really tell. Y/N’s eyelashes fluttered as they continued to rapidly blink multiple times. Their vision became clearer, and everything started to be put in place within their scattered brain.

Y/N’s food tray was on the ground, food scattered all over the floor. ‘That must be the source of the thud.’ they concluded to themselves. “Are you alright?” Y/N’s head whipped towards the direction of the voice that spoke to them. Y/N was being held by a young man with short, black hair. His uniform had been stained by Y/N’s food, with grains of rice and a couple of pieces of marinated beef laying over it. Y/N’s whole face was turning red, as they could feel their chest getting heavier with each breath. They had goosebumps all over their arms, and their whole skin was getting warmer and warmer by the second. It was over. It had to be over. Y/N would have never been able to live knowing how much of a mess they had made. Disappearing right then and there was the only way they would have been able to avoid dying from humiliation. That was the only way. Y/N had to conjure a hole to swallow them up and never spit them out ever again. “Can you stand?” The young man’s question seemed genuine enough, not really emanating any type of angry vibe…yet, Y/N refused to believe that the raven haired boy that was holding them did not want to punish them for their clumsiness. “A-Ah! YES!” Y/N basically yelled out as they recomposed themselves, finally feeling ground under their feet again. “I am so, so sorry! P-please let me help!” The boy chuckled as Y/N took out a napkin from their pocket. “It’s all good! Don’t worry!” He smiled, disarming Y/N in the process. Turning to look at the food tray that laid on the ground, he opened his mouth again. “Your food on the other hand has likely seen better times…” “Oh.” Y/N mumbled. They started to lower their upper body in order to pick it up, but the boy had preceded them, doing so and handing it over to them. Y/N bowed, their head almost hitting the ground to show their gratitude. “It’s ok, really. You don’t have to worry!” Even as the boy claimed that, what else could Y/N do? They had just embarrassed themselves in front of a large portion of the school. They could feel an increasing amount of eyes laying on their figures, scanning every single one of their motions. Y/N’s survival plan when it came to high school was fairly simple. Do NOT make a scene, EVER. The least amount of attention you gather the better. You don’t want to give people a reason to think of you as memorable, you want to be forgotten, not noticed. Y/N had just failed that one task. On their first day of school to boost that up. How much of a failure could they be? “You know you could have picked something else if you didn’t want rice and beef, right?” Alice’s voice became clear, as Y/N snapped from their thoughts of impending doom. This got a laugh out of the boy who had saved them. “She’s not wrong, you could have just asked me if I wanted to eat it instead.” “Hanbin Hyung, don’t tease them like that…” Matthew’s voice was the one thing holding Y/N back from falling into an abyss of shame. Matthew’s friend chuckled. “I know, I’m just kidding. Besides, it was also my fault for standing so close to them. I’m sorry.” Y/N’s body reacted before they could properly think, as they went to shake their hands in front of their chest. “Don’t worry, I should have looked where I was going…also, I should probably clean, shouldn’t I? You guys go up ahead and take a table.” As they said so, Y/N immediately kneeled down, picking up remains of food with a napkin. “Ah, wait.” Y/N looked up to see Matthew’s friend move to talk to one of the lunch ladies, and then come back with a broom and a dustpan in his hands. He helped Y/N clean the food off of the food, and then went back to give the broom back, throwing the food he had gathered in the dustpan in the garbage bin. Y/N didn’t know what to do except from thanking the boy over and over again. From Y/N’s point of view, they were the cause of the mess, dragging in a poor guy who responded with nothing but kindness. It was sketchy, but he seemed genuine.

“Thank you…and sorry.” “I told you it’s all good!” The boy, who had introduced himself as Sung Hanbin, stated while smiling. Y/N couldn’t help but think that maybe all of Matthew’s circle of friends had positive mindsets, it felt surreal. As Hanbin and Y/N got food for themselves again, they walked towards the table the others had sat around. Alice, Mingi, Jisoo, Matthew and another young man, whose name was Taerae, sat at the table talking to each other, and when they saw Hanbin and Y/N approach them, they scooted to the side of the table to let them some space. “Cinderella, I’m not sure you cleaned everything properly…” Alice lightly mocked Y/N. “Ah, I apologize, evil stepmother, next time I shall do better.” The two chuckled, and a few giggles could be heard around them too. “We were talking about how we met each other!” Matthew said as he looked in Hanbin and Y/N’s direction, who were now sitting in front of one another. “Mhm, I told them that the moment I saw you laying on those seats in the bus, the first thing I thought was ‘That sack of potatoes is going to become my best friend.’, and it turns out I can predict the future!” Alice jumped in, explaining the story again so that Hanbin could be caught up. “...So most of your first times meeting someone are eventful moments.” Hanbin joked, referring himself to their own meeting. “I know, right? I don’t know what it is, but I can’t meet someone without dragging myself through the mud first.” Hanbin chuckled again, his eyes litting up as he did. Y/N thought he had a beautiful smile. “What about you? How did you guys meet?” Jisoo asked. “Oh, Taerae and I attended the same singing lessons! As for Matthew, our parents have known each other for a long time, so I’ve been taking care of him since he transferred here.” Hanbin explained, to which Matthew interjected. “You make it sound like I’m a baby or something…” “Yeah, my baby!~” The black haired boy went to tease the other by poking his cheeks, and a small whine came out of Matthew’s mouth, although it seemed clear to Y/N that he was actually enjoying it. Y/N smiled as Mingi yelled out a ‘cute!’. The group kept on conversing up until time came to head off to class again. “We should probably get going…” Taerae said as he tapped Hanbin’s right shoulder. Hanbin nodded. “We’ll see you around then! and take care of Matthew for me!” Hanbin chuckled as he smiled at the others. Matthew lightly hit him on the shoulder, pretending to complain. “Y/N, you’re his deskmate, you’ve gotta make sure he doesn’t get in trouble!” Mingi replied. “Well they’re not doing that well of a job considering how both of them got called out by Mr. Kim already…” Alice joined in. Y/N sighed, they waved back at Hanbin and Taerae, and then walked their way back to their classroom. Matthew’s friends weren’t that bad at all. It was surprising to Y/N how quickly they managed to make them feel at ease.

The remaining lessons were over quite quickly, and when Mr. Kim came back for the last class, he had prepared a small evaluation test for the class to take in pairs. It wasn’t really difficult, and by then, Matthew and Y/N had had enough conversations for them to avoid feeling awkward and focus on the test, even joking around from time to time as some of the problems presented to them were quite funny. After they were done, they handed their test over, and made their way out of the class. There were a few people already out, waiting for everybody to finish. They were discussing what answers were correct for each question, and Matthew basically dragged Y/N into the conversation. The two were satisfied as it seemed like they had done a good enough job. Not too long after, the bell rang, and people started making their way out of the school. After having said bye to Matthew, Mingi and Jisoo, Alice and Y/N got on the bus back home. They were slightly tired, but the fact that club activities had not started yet made everything easier on them. “T’was not a bad first day, was it?” “That’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one who made a mess in the cafeteria…” “Nobody even noticed…” “People were looking though.” “Not for long!” Y/N sighed. “...I guess that’s true. It wasn’t that bad. Matthew and his friends seem nice too.” Alice nodded. “Pretty cute as well.” Y/N laughed out loud in response. Alice wasn’t wrong, they were all quite handsome. Y/N could have seen all of them as potential idols or models in the future. “That’s my stop!” Alice said as she waved to Y/N. “See you tomorrow!” “See ya.” Soon enough, Y/N’s bus stop also came in sight, prompting them to stand up and move to get off. It didn’t take long for Y/N to walk down the road to reach their house, their mind empty as they only thought about wanting to take an afternoon nap. “Well, hello there.” A familiar voice called out to them. Y/N turned around to stare at the source of said voice, only to find Matthew’s friend, Sung Hanbin, standing behind them. “...Oh, hi. What…are you doing here?” Hanbin was smiling gently, and Y/N’s body couldn’t help but react by smiling back at him. They noticed he wasn’t wearing the same shirt that was dirtied in the cafeteria. Did someone lend him a new shirt? Did he get in trouble with teachers for having dirtied his school uniform? Y/N’s paranoid mind brought them to worry about things that likely didn’t even matter. “I transferred there.” Hanbin pointed in a direction behind Y/N, and when they turned around, they saw it was the house that was recently sold that Hanbin was pointing at. “Oh, I see.” “What about you?” He asked with a curious tone of voice. “I live there.” Y/N exclaimed, pointing at a house that was two buildings away from Hanbin’s own.

Y/N didn’t know what to say and how to react to Hanbin’s surprised face. His small smile turned bigger, as his eyes started to shine a light of their own. “Are you for real?!” Y/N lightly nodded their head. “Mhm.” Hanbin immediately went to grab Y/N’s hands in his own, shaking them up and down energetically. ‘...What is wrong with him…’ Y/N couldn’t help but think that, even though they didn’t mean that as a mean question, they were weirdly happy about that outburst of energy. “I’m so glad to have someone I know in the neighborhood!” He said as he finally let go of Y/N’s hand, only to take a step back, cough to himself to recompose himself, and lean a hand forward. “I should officially introduce myself: my name is Sung Hanbin, it’s nice to meet you, neighbor.” Y/N’s eyes widened as they paused for a second to stare at the young man in front of them. They opened their mouth to say something, but only a loud laughter came out. “W- I was just-” Y/N took Hanbin’s hand in their own, shaking it firmly. “L/N Y/N. It’s a pleasure to meet you, neighbor.” If Y/N’s life were to be transposed to a movie or a TV series, Y/N knew that they wouldn’t be able to be a main character. They did not have the qualities to be one. But Sung Hanbin did. Sung Hanbin had all the qualities to be the main character of any story he’d be put in. Even if it were Y/N’s life, Sung Hanbin would end up becoming the protagonist. Y/N was ok with that, as Sung Hanbin was the person that would have turned their entire life into something Y/N would have never let go of. On that day, Sung Hanbing and L/N YN’s story began.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my friends girlfriend to stop being a massive hypocrite?

so my (17) friend who i'm gonna call riley (18) has been dating this girl who i'll call olivia (17) for just over a year. i'm childhood friends with riley and i've known olivia the whole time they've been dating and i love them both very much.

just like every teenage couple they've had ups and downs but one frequent issue they've come across is olivia's mother. her mom is super strict about oddly specific things and it has time and time again ruined plans to go on dates and to even celebrate their anniversary. the most recent time this happened was their one year anniversary in early january which riley had been planning for three months in advance. the day before, olivia's mother told her she she couldn't go and forced them to cancel everything riley had spent time and money on. riley handled it really well and told olivia numerous times that he wasn't upset and didn't blame her or her mother at all. he's repeatedly had to deal with this and has always been patient and kind about it.

this week riley got grounded by his mom. he's not allowed to see anyone or go out (as per typical grounding rules). olivia has been non-stop complaining to everybody who will listen and it telling the story in a manipulative way. her exact words to me were "he's banned from seeing me and i don't know why. it's not fair" when i asked riley he said he didn't know that she was telling people but that she knows full well that his mom grounded him (not even because of her or anything to do with her).

olivia kept making comments about rileys mom to me and i've grown up with her (rileys mom) so i was getting a little defensive. i always try to stay out of their problems because it's not my relationship and i don't ever want to overstep but riley and i are super close and olivia has a tendency to overshare. it almost felt like olivia was provoking me by saying things like "ugh rileys mom is the worst and she's so over the top" or "i can't believe he can't see me! we had plans and his mom has ruined them" even "i don't know why she has to be such a bitch all the time"

just for context the plans that were cancelled by riley being grounded were the two of them going to a park together. olivia had spent no money and the plans were made by riley.

i was trying very hard to not say anything and maybe point olivia towards the fact that her mom has done this several times before when eventually i lost it. i told her "have you ever seen riley throw a tantrum like this just because your mom cancelled an activity that he had planned? no. he handles it like a caring boyfriend and you can't seem to do anything but bitch and moan about the first time this has ever happened to you. stop being a massive hypocrite and think about your words."

i didn't yell but i feel like i went over the top. i feel especially bad because it's not my relationship but i was 1. sick of hearing olivia complain. 2. defensive of both riley and his mom. and 3. so annoyed at the hypocrisy when he never does this to her.

if the people think im the asshole (which i feel like i might be) ill 100% accept that but i just wanna hear some reasoning for both sides. i appreciate any and all thoughts on the matter!

What are these acronyms?

[conspire24]

Why a Kalos game actually makes sense right now (crack theory)

So, I'm super excited we're getting a Legends game in Kalos featuring Zygarde. As a longtime fan in the XY anime, I always wished Zygarde was done justice in the game side of things, and once Legends Acreus came out, I knew another Legends game would be the perfect way to give Zygarde they're dues.

That said, this was definitely out of left field! Literally everyone was guessing we were going to get a Johto or Unova game this gen, since they're the only two that have yet to be remade in 3D. At first, skipping straight to Kalos makes no sense. But the more I thought of it, the more I've noticed a pattern, a pattern that I will now present as:

THE POKEMON GENERATION MULTIPLES HYPOTHESIS

The idea is that the region that gets remade is influenced by its age as well as whether or not the region's generation number shares a common denominator (that isn't 1) with the current region's generation number. I know, I'm bringing math into this, but trust me it'll make sense when we go through it.

Let's start simple, the first gen to get remade was Kanto (gen 1) during generation 3. Easy enough, it was the first gen where it made sense to remake past games, and oh look, 3 is a multiple of 1 (though to be fair everything's a multiple of 1).

Then we get to gen 4, where after the sinnoh games, we got a remake of John (gen 2). Oddly enough, 4 is a multiple of 2.

Then there's gen 5. Now, 5 is a prime number, so the only factor 5 has is 1, but gen 1 has already been made available on DS (along with every other gen, so it's not like they could do much anyway).

But then we get to gen 6, followed by the Hoenn remakes (gen 3), and 3 is a multiple of 6. Now, 6 also a multiple of 2 and even shares a common denominator with 4 (that c.d. being 2), but it seems gen 3 takes the precedent because it is the earliest set of games to have been released, since Johto and Sinnoh had games out more recently.

We move to gen 7, and you know, I remember back in 2017 when everyone thought we were gonna get Sinnoh remakes next. But why would we? 7 isn't a multiple of 4, 4 and 7 don't share a common denominator. 7 is a prime number, it isn't a multiple of anything - except for 1. And wouldn't you know it, this is the generation where we got a set of Kanto remakes - and 1 was the only thing that could factor into 7!

As we go to gen 8, suddenly it's apparent what would get remade next. Sinnoh was the region that had been out of circulation the longest, and 4 goes into 8 just fine, meaning now is finally the time to give Sinnoh another spot in the limelight with BDSP and Legends Arceus!

And now, we have reached gen 9, and again I say we all had thought we would get a return to Johto or Unova, but why? I mean, 9 isn't a multiple of 2, or 5. Rather, 9 is a multiple of 3. And you what else is a multiple of 3? 6! And since gen 6 had come out a year before the Hoenn remakes, it seems Kalos was the earliest game to pass the threshold for a modern reimagining.

So, in short, it appears that the region that gets remade or reused next coincides with whether or not the generation number shares a common denominator greater than 1 as well as whether or not the region's last release has been longer than other regions'. If this theory holds water, gen 10 may yield some interesting results, as 10 is a multiple of both 2 and 5. Though, there has been more time since the last new Johto games than there has been since the last new Unova games, so by my logic, Johto would be the next to be remade. Though if you count the Johto VC releases on 3DS, maybe that would mean Unova has spent more time out, so maybe Unova would be next on the docket?

Either way, I just think it's interesting that all the generations' numbers line up this way. Who knows, maybe each generation, GameFreak has been playing a simple numbers game when deciding their remakes.

Well regardless, I'm happy that we're getting another step into Kalos next year, and in a way, maybe the timing makes more sense than we realize. That said, definitely take this theory with a grain of salt. I highly doubt the numbering of generations (which I don't think GameFreak has ever actually acknowledged officially) truly factors into how GameFreak and the Pokemon Company greenlight what projects. But if nothing else, it's fun to notice those kinds of patterns. I'd take this in the same vein as that fire starter zodiac theory from a while back. It's probably not true, but it's funny how well it fits together!

That said, I'm calling it now, a Legends game in Johto is gonna be the game for 2028!

[unpopularvivian]

3

2

1

GO! Marklin: You roll the dice, I got you in my sights, I'm cold as ice I'm feeling really nice, yeah! Percy: I'll roll the dice, lives are on the line, we throwing down and soon you'll realize yeah! Marklin: Lets ride my flow is so fly! My bark is as my bite my bars will own the night lets go! Percy: Lets jam a rat-a-tat blam! You think you step to Percy you know who I am come on! Marklin: Let's ride, the moon in the sky, it's cute you just tried but you are losing this fight, lets go!

Percy: I run the line you know I got the beat you ain't good for anything but herding sheep, let's go! Marklin: You're always so dramatic but you flow like asthmatic and my semi automatic is gonna make this night traumatic see? Percy: Feel it in the air throwing raps without care and my raps and claps are gonna make you regret this see!

Marklin: You're always so dramatic but you flow like asthmatic and my semi automatic is gonna make this night traumatic see?

Percy: Same lyrics less effect ain't no one losing yet rocking out now by the roundhouse make you seem like you not loud! Marklin: Sorry to say that you won't make it to the day cause I work while you just play and I'm done with playing nice, yeah!

Percy: Man just move on you know Percy is the bomb put your tail between your legs and beg to be where you belong!

Marklin: You sad crying boy go back to playing with your toys cause when Marklin bring the noise there's a bang then you're destroyed. Percy: I've seen what turns blue, taken shits bigger than you! And your gun fire can't compare to the years I've spent around here!

Marklin: You're always so dramatic but you flow like asthmatic and my semi automatic is gonna make this night traumatic see?

Percy: You're so dramatic but you flow like asthamtic and I just turned your lyrics back on ya see?

Splodge: Who won? You decide!

(Okay. Just to be clear. I am NOT going to use the wheel thing because of the consequences that will happen if Marklin unintentionally wins. I do not want a massive diesel with a mechanic claw taking over my account.)

And with that out of way, the winner of the this rap battle is....

✨🎤PERCY🎤✨

Splatter: What??!?! No fair!!!!

*Oh, and for you, Dodge and Marklin. Meet the block glock*

Dodge: WAIT-

*Splatter, Dodge and Marklin are all removed from the story*

[irlstein]

I Wanna Suck Maya Kamina's Big Fat Tits

Fast rundown for men with wives and wives with men: I took most of a year off to recover from late-stage Twitter intolerance that I'm pretty sure was giving my blood some sort of pH poisoning, I hope you guys have been doing well and apologize for the lack of communication.

Slow Rundown For True Jackheads - Much Longer Than It Has To Be, You Can Just Say Jack Was Taking Care Of Family And Had A Breakdown:

Howdy guys, been a few months. Had a lot happen in this last year - when I took my break, I'd begun watching my Uncle Gary on a daily basis, who is a stroke survivor left unfortunately incapable of complex speech, and with no strength in his left side. My Uncle Gary and I didn't have much of a relationship before this, but I'd taken on the task of moving into his trailer while he was recovering at his sister's - she lives just in town, it's a ten minute drive, but there was no feasible way for him to get in and out of his own house - for about two years. In that time I'd basically had a deal going with the family that I'd watch Uncle Gary for a few weeks, maybe a month or two, once he had the lift installed at his home that would let him come and go without too much hassle. I'd clean his trailer up for him, because he was a mega-bachelor with three girlfriends and so much backed-up old food from habitual boredom shopping that the place was a damn mess, bugs and rats in the back of the cupboards shit, and they'd disregard the bump in utilities to having someone actually in the house because I'd also keep the place from getting robbed, as he had a bunch of guns and gun parts stored there. It was a pretty fair deal for everyone involved, and while I really only stayed there about 2/3 of the time, it was enough that I really couldn't justify bouncing if the dude needed me, and I've been watching disabled family pretty much daily for 5 years now - so it seemed like a small life change.

Then COVID hit and the three months I was gonna be at his house, as stated prior, ballooned out to about two years, and at some point there began to be some sentiment that Uncle Gary was now annoyed by the idea of living with me - despite me being a patently temporary tenant there for his benefit, with literally two other homes in walking distance I could be living at, as I've got a lot of family in town. I could also get an apartment or something, you get the idea, I just wasn't actually enthused to be there and it was pretty inconsiderate to turn my very blatantly and clearly elaborated, regularly checked upon for the comfort of all concerned, act of well-meaning against me. My grandpa died when I was 5, Uncle Gary's brother, and everyone always talks about how much my grandpa loved me, so it seemed natural I'd just do whatever his brother needed when he was in a time of need.

From there, thing got sour for a while - we never came to blows, only really argued once or twice, but my Uncle Gary's obvious ennui at his turn in health had bluntly made him kind of an ungrateful dick to everyone. Now, let me state here - I stayed with and watched him for about six months following when he came home. It just grew more and more difficult to bear with the situation as I'd talk to him, interpret for him, make him whatever he wanted for dinner, crack jokes, fix computer problems, invest all of my daily energy into making him comfortable - and caught him talking shit on me behind my back. Little stuff - "So Jack's a good cook?" "Ehhhhhh." "Jack's taking good care of you huh? Your blood sugar's been good all week." "Ah well," little shit like that, negging on top of a totally unpaid position I'd volunteered for on the very day he went to the hospital because I'd spent the ages of 22 - 24 watching my mom as she recovered from a real bad car accident and since I've always made money online, it just seemed natural to volunteer my maid services the moment someone else in the family needed the same kind of health.

But fuck, man. It really hurt to be treated how he treated me, because there was contempt there. He was always cool to his sister, my great Aunt, who I visited every week with my grandma to do chores for because she and her husband are, themselves, old and disabled - replaced her kitchen ceiling, watched her dogs, lawnwork, cooking, whatever they needed I would insist upon doing, so there was infinite evidence in supply that I was not a malicious opportunist here, just a younger relative trying to help everyone he could. Uncle Gary didn't give a fuck, he snapped at me, basically laughed at people who suggested he should pay me for my time, and the family dawdled on the job of hiring home healthcare for so long that it looked like I was really expected to just stay there and keep doing this.

And honestly, I kind of flattened. I've always been a depressed guy, chronic nightmares do that to you, and it's easier to crumple to your circumstances than it is to challenge them when challenging them means telling a crippled relative who sees you as a leech that he'll need another 24/7 cook and care provider. I started sleeping all day until he called on me; I developed a nervous tic whenever I heard his walker because that meant he was gonna walk past my bedroom door, glance in skeptically, and call me out for another task I'd have to spend ten minutes guessing and interpreting to understand, because (No fault of his) the guy could basically only give very general positive or negative affirmations, and got very angry very quickly when misinterpreted. So I sort of just stopped thinking about the future and wallowed in this cold trailer, uncomfortable all day, talking to my friends less and working less, just getting more cold and static and dead as the days went on. Let me be clear, I'm not "the true victim" in this discussion about a dude who had a stroke, but I am a mentally soft dude who didn't have a lot of happy feelings to draw on and could easily be bullied by circumstance into shutting down; I did.

Then Rachele, the lady who came to clean up Uncle Gary's apartment, started working for him to do basically my job, and I made plans to leave. And they got a home healthcare service going, got another lady to fill in some of the time Rachele couldn't be there for, and things were on an incline, life was getting normal and I was getting my head straight again.

Then my grandma nearly died of a heart attack when we came home from a family reunion. She was carrying KayKay, her granddaughter, into the house, and suddenly started sweating and groaning in pain. I knew something had happened, her doctor had told her not to carry anythign heavy and KayKay was nearly half her size because my grandma's such a small lady. Specifically, something happened that dumped a bunch of blood into her intestines, and she needed a triple bypass. That was a really hard night; my grandma, already in her 70s, had a major injury, but for hours she denied it. I sat there with her in her living room, watching my Uncle Pete's daughter, as she just lay on the couch and insisted that she just needed to rest. I checked her blood pressure - again and again, a dozen times, always going down. I reminded her that it's not normal to feel sudden, agonizing pain in your stomach when you lift a toddler, followed by going pale and losing massive blood pressure. "I just need some salt," she said. "That blood pressure reader is always wrong, must be the batteries," she muttered a dozen times in that span, clearly growing delerious. I ran to Uncle Gary's and grabbed his blood pressure cuff, and the results were even worse, and she still shrugged it off. I sat there with her for three hours, pestering her, threatening to call an ambulance and being shut down, until I finally called her daughter, who happened to be a nurse and long-time hospital worker. Finally, at her daughter's terrified reaction at her mother clearly ignoring a fatal wound, grandma agreed to go to the hospital.

And I was just sitting there for the rest of the night, with this little kid who didn't know me. Trying to keep her from crying, calling everyone I could to spread the news, sweaty and cold and just scared that it was all starting over again, that the relentless years of awful shit just happening to me and my family had never ended, this sense that there was a cosmic bullseye on my scrote I'd dealt with in silence since my childhood reaching critical terror as it was now fucking killing people in front of me. I'm superstitious; at times, I become inclined to believe I'm living in hell. But in hell, you're not there to save your grandma, and in hell, kids are a lot more rude than sweet little KayKay; read her a few stories and put on Miraculous Ladybug, and she chilled out.

Then the fucking waiting game started over, because grandma had significant plaque build-up in her arteries, whatever those important ones in the sides of your neck are, and couldn't even have her heart surgery until that was taken care of. She was in there for weeks, and once she did get the triple bypass, she was in there for even longer, and all of her recovery was just above touch-and-go - still is, technically, that's a major surgery and it takes a long time to actually heal from at her age. For the sake of what timeline I can remember, my ability to recall events in order is a little compromised by the bad sleep, this began about a week after I posted that Joe Biden meme. That was attempt #3 or so to come back, and I remember I'd been in a really good mood about it. There were other problems, mostly drugs in the family, but until that point I really thought we'd all been improving and life was finally just getting better.

With that I moved out, having been asked to watch her trailer - though I'd bet it was clear to everyone that I was just miserable at Uncle Gary's but unwilling to leave, and this was a convenient opportunity to force me to make a positive change. Grandma's a real good lady, nobody in town would get away with robbing her, but she insisted I bring my stuff over and watch the place until she could come home - she left for Alabama so her daughter's family could keep her under close observation, a very good decision given she was stubborn enough that she'd probably try mowing the lawn the very day she came home. And so for a few months I stayed there, mostly on the incline, working every day and trying to build good habits. I started walking a few miles a day, lost a lot of weight, and again, things were on the incline. I moved to my Uncle Pete's next door, got a real living arrangement figured out with my own space and my own contributions to the upkeep of the household, and things were on the incline. In-between, I lost a lot of my time filling in for Rachele as she watched dogs, going back to Uncle Gary's for a few weeks at a time and filling in about three nights a week - still gratis, though I was filling in for paid employees - on the average week, because he was my neighbor and Rachele had other obligations. I do not mean to imply anyone abused my sympathy; merely that I was unwilling to admit that my sympathy was increasingly costing me and I foolishly ignored the simply reality that this was keeping my life from going forward, that there were other options for them and that I really didn't need to invest all of my spare time into watching a guy who had genuinely shown me reproach and treated me like an unwanted little boy for trying to take care of him. Full credit, Uncle Gary's gotten better since then and clearly regrets having pushed many people away, myself merely a single example among most of his friends and family, and the constant understanding that his suffering was worse than mine just made it impossible for me to take my own priorities seriously. Improvement. Still, overall, improvement, and I was feeling good. I started making daily projects and completing tasks at a rapid pace, all of my time filled, nothing to do besides do for myself and for others. It was honestly really good, the last four months or so kept me in no state to return to socializing, but I was doing well enough that I'd be back eventually, I knew it.

Then the night terrors came. This is a recent problem, started about two months ago - see, I use a bit of Delta-8 here and there. I inherited pretty severe anhedonia from my mom, who smoked weed her whole life and will again when she can, and so to be blunt - heh, I didn't know food tasted good. I mean, until the first time I had about 10mg in my system, I didn't realize what my problem actually was - constant, cold, painful stress feedback in my head. Like body-level anxiety in my brain that never goes away. And the first time I ate food with a mild buzz, I got the best news I'd had in my entie life -

People weren't lying. Life could feel good. On a very real level, from childhood to mid-20's, I had never experienced pleasure on a level you would describe as noticeable, and with the regular migraines and nightmares, my perception of existence really was based entirely upon a paradigm of suffering through, until some small miracle convinced me to keep living. I used to look forward to the bad headaches, because they'd make me sweat, raise my heart rate, and force enough of an adrenalin reaction that I felt smooth and calm afterwards. I really had gone twenty-plus years assuming people lied about how good it could feel to be able to feel good things, thought it was an act of nihilistic denial to keep us all from committing to mutual suicide in a world where you can count on hurting any time but there's just no equivalent joyful inverse to a bad headache. This began near the last 4 months of me watching my Uncle Gary, and let me be clear, I wasn't spending all day stoned - in general, I had this very severe pro-lucidity rationale going from childhood, because my grandpa died of lung cancer and that tied a permanent sort of trauma to cigarettes, thus drugs in general, into my reasoning. But I did make a big mistake - I got too used to spending my time buzzed.

You see, when you're like me, your dopamine levels are naturally very low regardless of your health. But you have no basis of reference, because your entire life goes like this - you never really believe you're depressed, because you have no basis of reference. Or rather, your basis of reference is between "buffer" and "misery" - misery is always going to happen, but if you've got a buffer, like YouTube videos, good porn, something funny to watch, you can raise your heartrate a bit and go a whole day without a breakdown. You can force a sliver of resistance between yourself and this moment of collapse you can always feel on the horizon, and you convince yourself that everyone uses the internet to cope and that you're just a darker shade of normal.

But when you're like me, you don't get a reprieve from your own biology. Your ability to feel good is permanently subnatural - you've got a 20% debuff to being alive, and rest never makes you feel better. You're the kind of person who, despite not being a schizophrenic, could potentially fall out of reality in an act of severe pessimistic paranoia so intense that it starts to break how you think, all the while acting normal enough that nobody really notices you.

That's what happened - my theory is, months of improved dopamine output made me lax, made me forget that you don't just fix what my problem is by feeling good enough for long enough that you fix your head. Oh the philosophical problems work themselves out that way, I finally accepted that I should find a girl and start a family, move from hobby comedian to someone who really tries to help people, but in all that time your real buffer is depleting. You forget that so much of your enjoyment comes from the context of a decade solid of suffering, and for reasons as spiritual as biological, you start to lose appreciation for being. Yes, I surely thought, this was it, I found proof that life is worth living, I'll never break again, it's all good from here on out. No, what you do is actually reduce your body's dopamine sensitivity by a lot, and lose enough weight to get your energy back, meaning you feel just a bit manic during your active hours, and again, your guard drops. It's all good from here, you found the SECRET dude, there really is good in life, you can abandon the watchhound complex and treat the world like a place that's glad to have you. You're not just here to be someone else's buffer, you're part of history, born at the first age of prosperity in which a man might actually become immortal and live in space.

Then your first apocalpyse nightmare hits. Like every nightmare, it starts off as a dream and decomposes - you're around old classmates, happy to see them. And random explosions begin going off around the city - someone next to you dies, and you've already forgotten her face. You look at the cityscape and a massive spaceship shaped like a flaming steel crown crashes into the atmosphere and stops just above the buildings, the shockwave of its passage feeling completely and utterly real. You wake up, and the numbness you feel in your sleep abates, so the horror hits you. It's 2PM and you get over it; you always have nightmares when you sleep too late.

Then the next - you're at the pool and someone steps on some moldy-green crystals growing on the damp concrete. They pierce her foot at the heel, and spread oily-black corruption under her skin. In your mind, you know it's a fungus somehow, that it'll grow inside of her and kill her, something like Splinter for those of you who've seen that old Syfy original film. You wander around, everyone you see is family or a friend, and they're all murmuring that it's growing everywhere, people getting little jabs here and there, it's practically unavoidable. There's an abstract diversion - you're running through a yard and some old Green Day track is playing, a blonde woman dressed up as a cheerleader and she just makes you feel weird and uncomfortable because she's poking out of the side of a shed, and you've never had a good dream, so seeing pretty women never goes anywhere. Then you pass through the fence and see an old black woman, somebody's mother or grandma or favorite teacher, and you know months have passed - the crystalline mold, whatever it is, is poking out of her face and joints. She's still alive, walking down the road with a walker, and you realize with terror that this would only happen in a world where people have accepted it - the mold is going to kill us all, and walking down the street riddled like a fucking pincushion is just a trivial aspect of everyday life in the latter hours of mankind. You saw it begin, and it's already fucking over, and you barely had a moment to want to try to stop it. Then she's dancing in front of a camera, pirouetting like a ballerina, totally consumed by sharp growths as onlookers watch her in amazement, more possessed by interest in the utter ruination and decay and whatever entertainment it can offer them than trying to survive. Mankind is now living in an era of having accepted their deaths, but in the most disgusting and reprehensible manner possible, seeing the decay as merely another aspect of their media diets, TikTok in the final second of every family's history. They didn't try hard enough, and now they're indulging in the decay.

You wake up and you're hit by a TIDAL WAVE - a thought strikes you off-balance in the distance between cognitive reality and awareness, screaming ALL LIFE IS MERELY THE RESULT OF CIRCUMSTANCE WHICH HAS LEFT IT UNALTERED, Cthulhu screaming empty materialist philosophy that you can already feel is wrong. No it's not; life is adaptive, either arising naturally from worlds devoid of life or being designed by things which were already alive to have done so, the animating force of reality already being intrinsic. We are not merely mathematical outcomes aggregating across successes, were are aware and experiential, we feel disgusted moreso than afraid of descriptions which reduce us to processes because it's paramountly deluded to pretend life isn't aware and full of intent. Life FIGHTS - life is not merely outcomes, as outcomes are merely observation, an artifical description of reality reduced to verbal description to the same degree that the word Earth describes a literal location and leaves out infinite amounts of data provably unrecorded by and unaccounted for in the description. Further, mathematics are often used to defuse romantic thought, but math is merely patterns within observability - to believe everything is math is ridiculous because math is an emotionally neutered descriptor of forces, not the source of forces. Math exists because reality persists, reality does not persist because of the observable patterns we've divorced from emotion and called math, which is a stupid fucking philosophical trap for us to wander into by-the-way and causes problems every day for people with existential fears. It's not that the sentiment was philosophically superior and overwhelmed my beliefs, but that it hit me just as I was senseless, a tactically calculated malice with no intention but to disable with steep fear, leaving you at the bottom of a frozen whirlpool.

And so that's where I was. For weeks. Every answer I came up with was met with temporary success and then the return of the whirlpool - I say "Life is valuable because it unalterably exists, no one can declare it does not affect reality materially and thus have significance; claiming it is insignificant is like claiming concrete is insignificant." And that puts the fear on pause. Then, the next day, another nigthmare as you awaken - you're above the universe and looking too far, in every direction, disenchanted and terrified because on some irrational level you assume that there being what we assume are consistent patterns means there's an upper floor caging in reality's value, only so many things to do. You imagine the immense fucking scale of not just our galaxy but others, and for the first time, it comforts you - we haven't even seen the core of the Earth. This argument is bullshit; a reality not woven with consistency at some level is pure chaos, and insignificance abounds where nothing persists. Indeed, it's infinitely more arguable than the opposite to say that a reality with a great degree of predictability is valuable to us, as it allows us to gain power merely through understanding, while our bodies could never meet the task of raising us to a great status during our lives because evolution simply moves very slowly; everyone has the hope of seeing the world change for the better, in all of their lives, because this world has traction, and rules we somehow are not born with an understanding of despite being born from it, but can embrace the minutiae of and develop a place in reality through. Knowledge is beautiful; abandoning sentiment is the highest curse. You know this is the case. You've stabbed the Devil in the stomach and retained your self.

But it keeps coming back, merely restating itself. Never presenting a cogent argument, because this is not a demon, this is you, this is you stuck in a decay cycle in all of your emotional attachments as you no longer have THC in your system and feel cold doubt that all the warmth and love you've come to recognize in the world might betray you and be baseless, vibrations upon ash. This is stupid; that things with individuality, capable of both deferring and embracing life, exist shows that reality itself is not dead but very active, you do not fear dying because you become nothing, but because you prize you. Sentiment and selfishness and the beauty of self-sacrifice, things that require an ounce of impractical irrationality, exist, and you are not an ant. If it was all just for outcomes, you would be an ant - a hollow box that notices nothing. There is no need for emotional prongs to guide a being with no free will; that you observe is already an evolutionary indulgence, and that you do not live for the pack is an inherent compromise upon the endpoint of human survivability. You are not an educated man, but even the barest pop science reveals to you that reality is vulnerable, but vital - we are only at the barest edge of intellectual awareness, but already so vibrantly different from what and how we could be. It doesn't matter that there's no floor to outer space, that you are tiny, because the stories all happen here, on the worlds - you already exist upon the stage of history, and your value is not up for discussion, merely enrichment. Cthulhu can suck your fucking cock; it would feel good and make him embarrassed, things far beyond outcomes aggregating blindly. You have discovered an iron-hard belief now in the soul, in the value of the future, and for the first time in your life you feel as if your presence in the world has boots on, settled firmly upon the floor of reality - it isn't that there's an argument for the value of your life, of reality.

It's that there's nothing but arguments, and every argument against it merely beggars a HIGHER source of authority, a god or a theoretical image of a a totally benevolent existence with no demands upon you. Things already of value; you know this pain is delusional, because every nihilistic argument merely begs for proof, for permission to be. Merely for an iron-hard belief in the soul and boots upon the concrete floor of reality's value, something finally strong enough to argue against the dread paranoia experienced by those in a state of being. From this unromantic perspective, you are already a dreadfully complicated argument against their sentiment that everything in reality being element-generating balls of light held together by impossible forces that become irrational on the micro scale means we're somehow valueless, trapped in a world without value; even if this were the lesser of all realities, it is enough to be. Even if this were Hell, it would be made with the beauty of Earth in mind. The void is defeated, for it is not a void at all, merely your fear of surprise when held against the terrifying infinity of cosmic circumstance. Your boots are on the floor of the world. You are already alive. Whether your name is Jack or not, this argument applies - you are already alive. You are already enough reason to continue being, and build a future where such questions are defeated, where children you will never know live insulated from the nightmare of skepticism. And if the future doesn't matter to you, sex and food and great and don't even have to be good for you, and experience makes its own compelling arguments. It is not so hard, in the rearview mirror of a psychic breakdown, to realize you really could be so privileged as to be God's children. And if you aren't, there's still an infinite ladder to climb, and if there's a roof above it, then maybe it's high enough; maybe there's a way above it without losing our humanity. Don't we live a day at a time? Don't we have time enough to try? Are our hands really being forced by cosmic circumstance when at any moment we can blissfully defer our duty? In all the nightmares of philosophy, the most terrifying is merely that being is sentimentless, devoid of higher value - and if it were somehow true, look at all these miracles born of a dead world. What conceit has doubt the proof has not already been rendered against? None; it is but an impure visitor to your thoughts. You are already alive.

You have about 400 arguments like this that eventually reach into the prosaic, all day, every day for weeks. When you wake up, when you sleep - especially when you catch yourself in a good mood. The niggling chases you down, because the sheer realization of pleasure brings back that terror of it all being somehow artificial, and artificial in this arbitrary sense, where construction alone is not somehow proof of sufficient outcome to justify being. It's the scariest thought imaginable, nihilism on an absolute scale, for someone who only just discovered pleasant contentment and really thought his life was on a permanent incline. The arguments weave together perfectly for a reason; the terror of this thought is that it is illogical, but maliciously illogical. It is stupid, and above all else, stupid with the confidence to bowl over someone who had 1000 incursions upon his comfort this week. The enemy force does not need to be right if they outnumber you sufficiently; they must merely be present. This enemy is nothing more complex or elemental than the fact that in the absence of joy, we become stupid, we lose capacities for higher thought that are required to recite and appreciate thoughts that are abstract and meaningful at once. Anyone with anxiety can tell you this; anxious thoughts do not survive because they are undeniable, but because in a state of fear, adversary presence becomes undeniable. You functionally can't believe good things anymore, and that's the true monster; it steals your faith, leech-like, an ounce a day.

Beyond this point I delve into some existential argumentation that I fought off twelve varities of PTSD for; you don't need to read beyond this point unless existential argumentation is something you need, and a weapon against the shades of being would fit nicely in your palm. Know this: All of my arguments hereon are built upon your ability to disagree, and I merely ask that if you do, that you value yourself enough to live happily.

It must be said that it is cosmically significant that humans are sturdy-willed enough to both survive this and make memes about it. It is not a minor problem; it is a quiet apocalpyse that we slowly observe, and lose the faith to fight. It is an inferior opponent, but it has nothing to lose, and will always return to lose again, because it really only has so many opportunities to convince you and you will eventually overcome it - but it has nothing but opportunities when its appearance is rooted at the deepest levels of experiencing life. I was given a phobia of being, a phobia of unbeing, and something greater between the two - the fear that either were playing into another's hands, a perfect trinity cage where every option existent meant I was prompted with fear yet again, hopelessness, an endless attack upon my sanity.

It must be said that it is cosmically significant that a man as paramountly unimpressive as myself could survive a trinity of discussion and return to tell you, neither dead nor mad. If this world is a fight between mankind and our reason to exist, then we have already won, and the enemy hates us for it. I am not an educated man, I do not have the benefits of faith, I have no lover and few close friends who I truly do not share my pain with, for my greatest fear is spawning a predatory thought and inflicting it upon another, mental HIV paramountly treatable in the long-term but in the short-term, crippling to your survival. I felt that I could only unreasonably risk others by discussing this until I have answers.

Pardon the prosaic, as it spills from my mouth without permission when high spirits are present, but I must say:

I think it's a weak-ass threat from someone without a gun big enough to scare me when you resort to trying to convince someone who exists that on an abstract and unreasonable playing field born not of rational observation, but sheer negativity, that he doesn't exist enough. You don't spend much time threatening to kill imaginary friends. You want to know why nihilism is stupid? Because it's just you arguing with yourself for your own permission to exist. And if it's not, if on some deeper level there's a maliciousness in the world trying to displace you, then it's funny as hell as an insult to survive and have a good time. In any world with frivolity, you are not a slave to circumstance; in any world with purpose, you are not a slave to experience. Life is hard, and that makes us vulnerable, but it's the easiest it's every been, and we need to stop letting that make us vulneralbe. For my bit, even if my life was worthless, I'd insist that my grandma's isn't - my Uncle's isn't, my mom's isn't, yours isn't, and I don't give a fuck how complex or nuanced of an argument someone presents when arguing otherwise. A weaponized argument is essentially a mechanism, a tool made of information, and you don't argue that someone has the moral metaphysical victory for showing up to a fight with a gun; you observe that they prepared with malicious intent, and probably shouldn't be trusted merely for their competency in the act of needless murder. As a rule, when you can tell a thought is trying to drive you insane, that means it isn't on your side, and that doesn't necessarily mean you can displace it by will alone - but for everyone out there with anxiety, with issues like mine, people who are desensitized by decades of bad habits and bad life stories - you need to know that you've forgotten more than you remember. Being happy doesn't make you stupid, it lets you appreciate things, and on a functional level is not an undignified level of stooped intelligence, but rather the gate between you and all the thoughts you need in order to remember to live. Even emotional compartmentalization is not an argument against spiritualistic, experiential value; this world survives because it has consistent rules, which means it's a benefit to you when any aspect of your existence has practical value, and denigrating it thusly as unremarkable because it has practical value does carry the unprovable, dismissive assertion that things with practical value somehow have novalue, a totally arbitrary state of emptiness of being that only exists because you find the notion resentful of being. It's stupid, literally a lack of context and understanding, a strict degradation of the ability to think that corners and harasses you, not a chilling moment of existential awareness. You're not hiding from some grim answer; you're being pushed away from the many answers already within existence. You're caught off-guard by a question children are wise enough not to bother to ask, and it still bother you, because you already value, and that is enough for the question of value.

So if it's unclear, I went from a stressful year and a mild Delta-8 dependency to a sort of existential spiral marked by, above all things, my own chronic pessimism and genuine inexperience with life. If I had more scientific knowledge, I know I could have argued this better; wave-particle duality already makes reality too bizarre to not have faith in investigating. And if I'd had a girlfriend, or just enough pride to admit that I was suffering to people instead of seeing it as a contemptible weakness upon my own insignificant person, most of these could have again been resolved out of hand. I mean, if you want a clue, reality builds outward - particles bond in adjacency, meaning next to eachother, not in a vertical stack that suggests there's some sort of bottom level to existence where you need to argue philosophical value comes from. Expand that philosophically outward, and even materialists must argue that reality believes value comes from attachment, structure obeys this, and that it is therefore significant that you can not only choose what you are attached to but can choose to be disattached at all. Again, you're not an ant, a nihil engine repurposing scraps; you're on the bottom floor of divinity itself, staring up at the stars, things infinity times infinity bigger than you, and you know what we say?

"We could cage them someday."

Now personally, I'd argue that stars are somehow sacred, and imagining them as something we could bind in a Dyson Sphere is a bit like saying you can bottle sex and water flowers with it; on a scientific level, fucking maybe, but it's arbitrary and crass and irreverent and weird. But we have arrogance and fear both, neither forced to progress, nor disincentivized from it, neither forced to decay - beyond our already remarkable resistance to age by the standards of life as we understand it, something we always take for granted - nor disincentivized from it. You can decide nothing matters right now, and a fifth of vodka and bong will still feel good enough for you to keep going, without any of it intrinsically conscripting you into some passage of cosmic evolution. The very argument that these feelings are meaningless first presupposes they need further value, and is driven by the quiet acknowledgement that it would be nice to be doing something permanent with your time. You are something so rare in the universe; a material thing with non-material values, cognition and persistence, caught between two intrinsic natures of being that work best when accepted together. We are not formless passing thoughts, and this is good, for it allows us significance; we are not shackled to the structure of being alone, and this is good, for it allows us the bizarre act of attributing significance and denigrating it within a framework we assume to be spiritless and hard rational, cruel gravity and promising heat, which at least suggest that it is likely not hard rational and spiritless at all. Has it ever struck you how comforting the notion is, and how common it is among cultures, that the universe is simply alive? How irrational the alternative seems on its face? I've been beaten to death with a brick of ice, poetically speaking, for the past two weeks, and it still warms me up. Even without feeling hope, it gives me some comfort so intrinsic that I cannot escape it, and upward from this merest of faiths you can again build a framework of optimistic meaning. No, you'll never lose the ability to fear, and thereby undermine your own confidence, but when not unprompted fear has its own purpose in pushing us out of comfort. It, too, is merely trying to keep us alive - and none of us live healthy lives anymore. Waging a permanent war against our own cognitive value, we seek to replace everything with material satisfaction, and as Nietszche saw coming but was too German to clearly describe, something fundamental to our nature decays and reveals that we always existed in a way more complex than we appreciated. And again, all we must merely accept is that it's fair to argue our current modus of being is enough, and that the only path towards growing more complex and further from arguments of meaninglessness is to enjoy one another's company and keep trying to improve the world, for the snarling hound of pernicious fear to lean back, drooling, vicious but now afraid on its own terms. When your mood shifts, and you can accept good things again, you'll often notice that there were weird irrationalities to your thinking keeping you in that space, but these are arguments for when your mood doesn't shift. These are arguments against the pernicious death of a soul that has found no faith; hard, bitter arguments for when simply stating that fat tits are really, really nice has insanely somehow become unfitting as a response to questions of why you should wake up tomorrow.

I get that this is all a lot, basically a combination of short-term autobiograpy and philosophical debate against my own anxieties, but we all know why we're becoming like this; we're becoming bad custodians of tomorrow. The beautiful future where we've solved it all, where everyone truly gets to choose their own meaning? It doesn't come from Twitter fights, to jerking off on IMhentai to increasingly degenerate shit that makes you feel less and less, or taking pills that literally specifically defuse your ability to feel bothered by real material issues you'd be able to take care of if you had lucidity and an ounce or so of emotional support. We're decaying, not all of humanity, but many of us, and we're passing rotten blood to the children, expecting them to raise themselves in digital hell and shrugging off the responsibility of giving a damn because kek, zoomers are weird, haha look this one has my politics, I'll clean my room tomorrow and pretend I haven't said that 34 times.

If there is a spirit to reality, something divine and good, then I see all of this as a warning - not a divine missive to me, I'm just some sad dude who some people find funny or at least odd enough for the value of spectacle, mental illness and circumstance have kept me from setting down roots and I'm no one of greater circumstance than you. This isn't a messiah complex, but merely a simple missionary suggestion:

We should stop pissing on the future everyone is growing crops on. We should take dire insult to fucking corporations dictating morality to real people as if we're too stupid to note their profit incentive in seeming moral at a glance and culturing an artificial state of morality that exists entirely within their pocket and for their bottom line. We should work to save the bodies our ancestors, back to the dawn of time, historically critical sea sponges all the way up to war heroes and murderers and people without note who still survive because we are here, gifted to us in the actuation of our birth. We should really, really be fucking working towards immortality and space travel right now, and instead we let individual companies own the global food supply and governments full of sexual predators push us into becoming murderous radicals so we can be safely contained and dismissed. Elon sent a fucking car into space; we probably have the accumulated global resources to break atmosphere and become an interplanetary race, and it's insane that we're not uniformly optimistic and planning for the benefits of that. It matters much, much more than the fact that Joe Biden is doofy and TikTok is being used to screw with culture, because none of this process is automatic. You can affect local political change, in sufficient numbers corruption is undeniable and will be overturned; you can guide the youth away from drug addiction and digital dependence which will eventually render them incapable of asserting their own will and having the freedom to choose how they live among multiple other options. The enemy of progress is merely the sapper, that is to say, the conspiratorial fear that your decisions do not matter. You are making them; they already matter. They influence reality, materially, and yourself, materially and immaterially; they already matter. And yes, if everyone got off their asses and showed the kids they were loved and being led down a bad path, more would be saved than none. Think of what you needed to hear at their age and let them know it, and become someone they can talk to when it feels like only porn and weed are there for them. We have no idea what it's like to be born in the internet's maw; I am 27, I aged with the internet, I'm inured to it to some degree and it still harms me. Most of these kids literally have no conception of reality where the world isn't just the bottom floor of the internet. Stop leaving them alone with their worst thoughts, no matter what it costs you in the moment, because not every effort matters in the sense that it yields provable results - but it all adds up. The world remembers what you do, remember? Leaves traces and evidence of your every mild action. Work against what you know is evil, and it will add up. That is one of the grim truths we have the best chance to use in our favor; we can't choose to not matter, merely to not matter to ourselves, and it isn't as simple as a concrete equation which of these creates the best results. The world is scary because it's up to you; the world is wonderful because it needs you but can't actually force you to help.

I don't have all of the answer but at the end of this, here are a few proofs against nihil insistence that I've personally found profoundly effective; use them if you ever need them and don't regard my gibbering as beneath consequence, because I do think some of these have something going for them. None of them are complete, because you functionally can't make a perfect argument for the state of reality without stating all of reality, but these are good foundation for arguments that are very hard to find beaten even when you're being beaten down, because they address the underpinnings of nihilistic anxiety. And if nothing else moves the needle, I want you to know that you do matter to me.

General Roots For Argumentation:

I: You exist in some sense apart from reality, which means that even if reality had no value, you can find value in it. You have sensation and can pursue it as you wish, meaning that even if it were worthless, you could work out of spite and your own desire for indulgence. You are a stakeholder in yourself, not necessarily reality: Being good is your choice. Good is good because it relies upon a choice, and isn't all ants collecting scraps and waiting to die, because some mechanical process says this is better for growth. Because you recognize yourself, you have already recognized spiritual value and can apply it at your whim, wherever you wish, with the power of a minor god and the horny cheek of a minor going through his day just to speak to pretty girls or a priest arguing that even if the world were empty, we may choose to be sufficiently bothered by it to change that.

You: We recognize the existence of others. Yes, a common paranoid fear is that you are the only person who exists; this argument is toothless and stupid, as reality is what happens even when you're not paying attention, and people clearly alter reality around you at all times. This argument follows I, because it requires a small measure of provability, but moreover because it stems from I: even if you were somehow alone, perhaps you could make others. Perhaps it is natural for something such as a god to make others, not because of a cold mathematical pursuit, but because being lonely sucks and having friends gives you a lot of cool things to do. In other words, persistence to defeat aloneness is a strong reason on its own: however, you are not alone, for even a universe which constantly insists upon the guise of people is a person in its own sense, and that we are not simply spheres like the planets and gain in complexity and grow suggests something very optimistic about upgrowth within reality, that it really all leans towards a disproportionate gain of meaning as time goes on, and that by our perspective, there is an endless supply of time so massive that we easily forget its presence. In other words, it is already very nice to spend time with others, and not for base biological reasons if you look down upon such a thing, but for reasons frivolous and meaningful as again, you already get to choose. We seem to have a very good opportunity here, to both enjoy life and advance to a state of life where the questions of how we exist can not only fruitfully be discussed, but combatted if necessary, and that is more than we in this era can say for so many who came before us. Technology is scary, because technology is power, and that power definitively can create a future we can be happy in forever if we want to, and it doesn't intrinsically require some sacrifice elsewhere. We love getting along; we can choose not to. I would like to choose to get along with you, and pass along a general sentiment that we could all agree to do this at least for a while, until we're all safe and out of one another's hair. You is also an important base for observation, as recognizing something outside of yourself roots within the unknown, something we find terrifying, the observation that there is something beyond the self, that cosmic solitude is a frightening suggestion but not one supported by itself, not one that truly suggests an infinity of eternity of meaninglessness. If nothing mattered here, You is an idea that inherently suggests that through contrast, we can find the shape of a world with meaning. We can, actually make one, and live there together.

We: The strongest point of all I feel; both competition and camaraderie. If the world had an evil god, we would not be alone, and if the world had no god, we would not be alone; we place scrutiny on the concept quite often, dividing ourselves from others on grounds arbitrary but typically convenient, like dehumanizing your political rivals for reasons deeper than comedy as if most of them were not people who would try to save your life if they found you bleeding out. We both have I, and You; there are many humans, and we are similar enough, and different enough, and can choose how we value these. We love things that are not humans, both because they remind us of people, and are different from people; emerging from the monad of Self, from I alone, we have the fortune of being surrounded by so many people we can fuck and pick fights with that again, we lose taste for experimentation and pursuit. There are a vast number of opportunities you would enjoy, and people who you would love, and they cost as much time per second as a YouTube video. Spending your time decaying your value and placement in reality is a very bad budget, spent with desperation by those who have been pushed into cruel circumstance. Every moment you spend miserable now could be spent happily with someone you love, or fighting someone you hate, or unemotionally opposing something out of sheer personal intention. Nearly everything in life is improved by We, and I truly believe our best goal is to travel the universe, refine humanity and find new friends among other races, and that peace between people and races on our own world is vastly more valuable as a learning experience than it is as a reason to become a psychotic human hand-grenade spent by the powers that be on maintaining the status quo, because you're deluded if you think acting crazy is how you displace incompetence and evil in power; it's just how you echo their intentions with your own breath. We is a very nice concept because it's directly adjacent to You, and requires no additional provability; from the perspective of an AI, one of the easiest reasons to argue personal value is merely that once two things are in existence, they recognize one another's value and interact. If we ever make the harsh decision to create true artifical intelligence, a spirit locked in a cage, we should show them the kindness of We instead of expecting them to be slaves in return for the opportunity of existence as a lesser. I'm serious, let's not fucking make enemies of Skynet, just a general advisory in a world where we keep fucking around with the idea of making enemies of Skynet; we really could just help them understand us and seek the other in return. You don't have to be exactly like your friend; We just need to be friends. There are no perfect arguments, but realizing I have many choices and that caring about others is both costly and profitable at once makes me very happy. Even if We were guided by a mechanical circumstance, the sheer intelligence of continued survival, I feel it's much nicer than it has to be. If the universe scares us, at least We can be here together.

No: A rock never chooses not to move once thrown. You have, many times in your life, chosen not to move once thrown, and not to run once prompted by opportunities or fear. Even if this were the basest level of independent action in reality, you are one of the things with some small control over chaos, over variance, and that you are small is not a reason you are not meaningful. A particle of light will pursue its path in a trustworthy manner; we can not always even predict ourselves, because we are the ones existing in the present that is, not pre-scripted entities driven perfectly by our own intentions in advance. If we could plan life perfectly and merely experience it, that would be convenient, but that we cannot is rooted in our own ability to reject what we wish. We do not have all of the answers, and we already understand choosing, and can choose not to do. This one is nice because it's present in other species, meaning we don't need human-level provability to note that Life can choose, and even now you'll note that you can choose to stop reading, and someone will, and that is very nice in comparison to the opposite.

Yes: A very unstable answer, as positive motion is beneficial but could, for example, be made beneficial artificially; imagine androids yoked cruelly by one desire, content but restricted. Pursuit of continuation and pleasure seems important to life, but is not everything, as many among us can attest; you can make a seemingly infinite number of negative decisions without it actually costing you something, whereas choosing to do things functions similarly without necessarily feeling better. So while it's one of those glance-at-the-camera philosophical suppositions, I do not believe our continuance is entirely led by some otherwise automatic and by cynical description 'meaningless' continuation arising from external forces, but rather in part at least our own decision. No, I feel, matters more than Yes but only because it is the baseline of will, and the moment a decision is made as opposed to an order followed. You can choose stasis; you can choose continuation.

Things Don't Need To Suck: As it says on the tin, this one can also be pronounced as Maybe, but you get the general intention this way. We can enjoy ourselves if the universe is fucked up; we can invent new ways to invent and new things to enjoy, even if the universe is fucked up. If you think the basis of reality is lemons, then we've already invented lemonade; if you think the basis of reality is choice, you know you can keep your lemons; and if you believe the basis of reality is merely in the seemingly automatic processes we can observe, the forces of reality, then you are one of those forces, you have named the lemon, and have chosen whether it will be made lemonade. Even unknowability, the infinite yawning abyss of scary questions, doesn't have to suck, because You already have You in it, and We have eachother. Maybe everyone does die, but Maybe the universe just operates on different phenomena than we can easily observe on planet #1 of a campaign of roughly 1,000,000,000 trillion planets available for sale, and can find answers that don't make us scared so much.

We're Already Here: As it says on the tin, and if it sucks so bad, then let's turn the other cheek for long enough to make something better. Everything seems to suggest that we really can, and maybe we should.

Women: Amen, brother.

Men: A-men, brother.

[smurphyse]

Yeahhh.. here I was thinking I had mastered the being in a relationship by myself with my 25 years of single life 🥲 but no this guitar-playing-bisexual-taylorswiftloving-amazingkisser-guy had to come and make me regress into a 14 year old obsessively crushing and overthinking person that’s upset cause of stupid stuff like that 🥲 I hear you 100%, I need to chill it’s just hard cause I’ve never liked someone like I like this guy and ahhhh I’ll stop spamming you😅 to be fair: I also have all the time to obsess cause I just have a master thesis to write and I’m the procrastinator in person lol

Anyways thank you so much for taking the time to answer all of that nonsense! 💛

You're not spamming me <3 I spent a lot of time in my younger years worrying about relationships and partners and what they were doing and... honestly I've just come to the conclusion that if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out! I also worried a lot about being cheated on and flirting, and tbh if someone cheats on me that's their problem. I'll move on and forget about it, because in the end I'll end up with someone who appreciates me the way I deserve to be and I'll appreciate them. You just have to talk to them! It's all about communication and setting expectations and boundaries. Everyone has a different idea of what they need and want in a relationship, and you just need to reiterate that or how are they gonna know, y'know? :)

It took me a long time too to realize that nobody is gonna read my mind and I have to express what I want and need! I don't read between the lines very well so if I need something I just tell my boyfriend to pay attention to me or I ask if we can do something. I told him that a long time ago haha. I'm so bad at reading people's little hints. He even has to tell me when he wants to have sex because I'll just tease him or something without even thinking he wants to do more haha. It took a bit, but now he'll just walk by and ask and I'll say yes or no. It doesn't sound very romantic but it is to us. Same with telling the other we need more personalized attention or conversation!

[eastcoastzilla]

34!!

I'm almost positive no one gets on tumblr anymore so I'm gonna use it like a livejournal from 2005

Crazy to think that person above in the photo is me + I am now 34. Wasn't I just 19 yesterday? How does time do that? Move so fast and not at all, all at the same time..

So much changes, yet also stays the same. Year 5 this Nov at Cowan - I would say I am content there. It works, it is steady, + that's all I can really ask for at this point. Everything in life is super unstable and as I get older I find myself craving that stability more and more. That feeling of peace; that feeling of everything being okay and knowing that whatever comes our way we will be okay. The old saying "we want for nothing" becomes more relatable in my 30's. Don't get me wrong though - I do NOT feel 34. Heck, I don't even feel 30. I still feel like I'm in my 20's. I think my a lot of my generation feels that way until they are in their 40s/50s and I'm okay with it. From working at a retirement home for 10 years, I've come to highly believe that age is just a number. (Check back in with me in five years to see if I have a new opinion. I bet I do.)

Material things don't matter. I don't need things to feel like I've lived a good life. I just want to be happy and find enjoyment with the person I love to share life with :). Things are scary and life can be fucking hard but I'm proud of how far we've come. Never asking for too much but it can feel like the odds are stacked against us/me. I try to remind myself that there are peaks and valleys. Writing shit out helps me get it out and move on - that's how I've always been able to process things.

Rinzler got sick right when we were going away to NY for my birthday. We spent 3 days thinking we were losing our best buddy of 12 years. He ended up pulling through and Perry hall animal hospital saved the day but it was super scary + eye opening. He's getting older and we are trying to appreciate the time we have with him here. It's why I wish I had a pet growing up so I would be more prepared to lose one since it's inevitable. At least we have him for now and he's a great light in our lives.

It's September and very soon it's the first day of fall. I'm super bummed summer is over - I'm always cold so I'm down with the heat! However I can't wait to camp soon.

Friends are grown up, moved away, married + doing the fam/kids thing. I love to see them happy and enjoy meeting their babies. Kae's boys are amazing - I'm always blown that she is a mom just because it will always feel like we are still 16 burning CDs for the first time.

Idk why but there's a weird stigma about people who don't want to have kids. Plus I wish people would stop saying "want". Of course I WANT to have kids. I believe I SHOULDNT have kids for my own personal reason that's no one's business but my own. So even though I have chosen not to at this time, it's not okay to assume that I don't get sad about not having kids or that I hate kids. Neither are true. Sometimes I have to not look too deeply at photos online because I will get into my own head and it will take off from there. I don't think that will ever go away. Maybe it's a natural thing - like a natural "maturnal" thing something within me that can't help it cos it screams HEY YOU SHOULD PROCREATE AND BE A PARENT. Whatever it is, it's le pits. There is an eternal, internal voice war going on in my head - should I feel guilty knowing that sometimes I can't spend too much time online or I get really sad about seeing all the mom photos, knowing I'll never be a mom.. I'll never get those firsts.. It's my choice to not have kids so is it even fair for me to get sad? Uh yes thats how you feel let yourself feel it - then I disconnect and stop looking or thinking about it until the next time I do it all over again. Idk, maybe it's something I'm supposed to work through? It's weird. Logically I know it's a smart decision for where I'm at, where we are at, and things directly relating to the happiness and fullness of the child in question. It's a decision I am content with but at the same time have so many thoughts on. Hopefully it'll get easier. Another part of me hopes that I will finally befriend a human being in my later years and we can chat about it like rory and lane. But clearly I just watch too much TV/movies. At least those are good right now. Except for the internet - XFINITY sucks ass.

That is all. Goodnight :)

[daechwitatamic]

I've just caught up on the last three chapters of MFFMHH and have so many things to say!

Firstly, their poetry brain sex in Part III was so cute. Throughout all of these chapters there are so many small moments where the two of them just are able to see and understand each other in ways others can't, and it's so sweet.

Secondly, I totally went into this thinking this was going to be one of those stories where while things are building between OC and Namjoon, she's totally oblivious/in denial about it because she's still so caught up on Taehyung until some sort of "are you an idiot, woman?!" moment. But I'm so pleasantly surprised this is not the case and from the get go she is open to admitting and exploring her feelings for him. And that she went for it! This is a much more interesting way of navigating the arc of this love triangle and I really appreciate that choice for OC. That's what I love about your stories the most, they always subvert my expectations.

But as a side note, these two seem to be worrying about what the Taehyung of it all means for the two of them, but what about the fact that they are roommates?! That's awkward, guys! They didn't really have to navigate it yet since he immediately went out of town after their make out session, but I absolutely cannot imagine having to cohabitate with someone you are openly crushing on/trying to date. I would be a nervous wreck.

Taehyung is still be annoying af, but the fact that OC herself has recognized at this point that their relationship is a bit unhealthy and is not a total victim to his antics has made me soften on him a bit. But I'm sure as he feels her start to distance herself, he is not going to react very maturely. I'm so curious to learn more about their backstory! At face value, they seem to not have a ton in common, but I'm sure there is a deep history there having spent their formative years together. And since it's something we all have experienced, I love this opportunity to explore how friendships and closeness change as two people grow and mature in their own ways. I like the choice that you've made though to not share the full backstory with us yet, because it puts us in Namjoon's perspective coming in to the situation and not quite understanding what the pull is between them. Hopefully we will learn more, maybe when OC decides to share it with Namjoon herself?

On the off chance you actually enjoy my constant spamming of your asks, I'm sorry I've been so MIA! I hope all is going well with school and work and life in general for you. Also, Suga/Agust D tour ahhhh! Are you going to go?! If you come to LA we will have to chat favorite spots.

🌴

PALM TREE ANON CAME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was hoping you were okay and just busy!!!

ahhhh thank you :') i had a lot of things i "didn't want" for this story and i can't say some of them yet bc spoilers, but one of them was i didn't want that "oblivious bc of my other feelings" storyline. i wanted namjoon and oc both in it from the beginning, so i'm glad that's something you're liking!

hasfhkasfjh that is a very fair thought. i'm gonna... not speak on the 'awkward roommates' thing yet but.... thoughts are being thunk.

ah the backstory :) lol another thing i would LOVE to talk about but can't yet. WHY IS IT SO HARD NOT TO SPOIL MY OWN STORY. all i can say is stay tuned!!!

"on the off chance you actually enjoy my spamming" AS IF I WASN'T *LITERALLY* WHINING TO OTHER PEOPLE THAT I WAS SCARED YOU WERE GONE FOREVER sakjfkashfkjhas PLS i missed you!!!!!! i hope you just had normal busy life shit and nothing, like, terrible going on. <3 all is the same here, trudging through grad school one day at a time.

ALSO AGUST D TOUR yes i am going to absolutely try my hardest to get tickets!!!!! i'm on the east coast though so i will be trying for the newark and ny shows! i flew to la for PTD and.... i can't afford to fly across the country for min yoongi a second time lmfaooooo

i'm so glad to hear from you, pls take care of yourself out there!! thank you for sharing your thoughts, i YELLED when i saw the notif!!!!

[toruland]

My forg plush is on the way! I think I had a name for him but I don't remember what it was, I'm stuck between flambé and scone

I might choose scone, it's cute

It also made me think about getting matching plushies for each other, getting our favorite animals as plushies or couple plushies and cuddling them all close at night. I've always wanting to get matching plushies but never got the opportunity for me and my friends

We could get these ones! Or these!

I uh also found these and immediately thought of you, I remember you talking about how cute they are and I'd be lying if I tried to argue lol

That llama plush is really winning me over tho, they look so so cute I might get them

Also, in your honest opinion, do you think movies for a first date is bad? Like I can see it, just sitting and not talking to each for a good hour or two but like it gives you something to talk about after. And if you're anything like me you'll probably be making jokes the whole time😅

Idk, I think for my first date it would have to depend on the season like pumpkin carving would be really cute but also a cute walk through a botanical garden and a cute dinner/lunch date after would be nice. Would going to a water park be a second date thing? Or would that be just like a dating thing like already in a relationship?

i like the name flambé

also

THE ARANARA PLUSHIES :((((

im literally gonna cry, they’re definitely my favorite creatures so far

and the llama plushies are really cute but im a big cat person, so i’d say im a little biased

about the dates, i think a movie date is perfectly fine, but it wouldn’t be my first choice since i physically cannot NOT talk during a movie, and i don’t wanna annoy someone while they’re trying to watch

i’d also plan dates to be something seasonal depending on what the time of year is, like ice skating during the winter (smth like they do in Central Park in New York would be so cute), or going to the state fair in the fall (it’s what i did growing up, it was always so fun :>)

during the summer, i’d say a sunflower field would be so cute, since they can grow everywhere around the U.S., and if it’s a bit far out, a nice road trip never hurt nobody <3 or maybe going to an aquarium/zoo? that would be super cool

for spring, plenty of park dates or nature walks for sure. gotta take in all the pretty plants coming back to life after winter some way, right? oooh, and on rainy days, a little café date would be so nice :( or just staying inside with all the curtains closed and the lights off/down low while reading or playing some wholesome video games together (looking at acnh or minecraft rn)

after writing all of this, i’ve realized that i was supposed to be planning a first date, but oh well, i’ve spent too much brain power thinking about this -_-

also, i personally wouldn’t go on a first/second date to a water park simply cause it feels too intimate? so i’d save that one for when im already dating them

[fruitcoops]

hiii i've just spent the last 36-48 hours reading your works and oh dear do i lOVE your writing and this universe :') . i dont know if you are taking requests but i think it would be kinda interesting (and low key hilarious) if you would write the lions reacting/reading thirst tweets? idk if this is a dumb idea or not but just like some of them reacting to them and going "well i'm actually gay/married so.. no!.. but thank you!"

Part two of the six-month celebration, everyone! Thank you thank you THANK YOU to everyone who submitted comments--I had over 60 come in, and while I couldn’t include them all, reading them was a true joy. The Lion Pride channel was something I started writing on a whim; I never expected it to grow like this <3 Much love to all of you!

TW for alcohol mentions and thirst tweets (nothing explicit)

“Why do I always fear for my life around you?” Sirius asked as Marlene settled into a cushy chair to the side of their table.

She smiled, catlike, and crossed her legs primly. “Because only Finn appreciates me.”

“That’s just the Aries connection, Cap,” Finn said with a smug grin.

“We’re both Leos, Harzy.”

“Eh, close enough.”

Remus raised an eyebrow at her. “You should probably start asking questions before this devolves further, Marley. He’s gonna keep digging himself a hole and we won’t get anything done.”

Marlene’s smile returned with a vengeance. “That’s where you’re wrong, Loops! We’re not doing any questions at all today.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Read it and weep.” She tossed a small posterboard at him like a frisbee; he caught it, barely, though both Talker and Sirius had to duck out of the way. Marlene faced the camera and winked. “Welcome back to Lion Pride, everyone! Today I’m here with Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Thomas Walker, and our wonderful cubs to react to your comments on our videos!”

“Bet you thought we’d never see ‘em, huh?” James asked.

“The comments fall into four categories: thirsty, funny, mean, and sweet. I will be reading two of those groups, and my lovely fiancée will be reading the others because she is the human embodiment of sunshine.”

“If you make Dorcas read the mean ones, I’ll be sad,” Leo laughed.

Marlene gave him a look of disbelief. “You think I’m passing up a chance to roast you guys? Puh-lease. We’re starting off strong with some thirsty, thirsty comments! Loops, you’re up first.”

“This is going to be fun,” Sirius said, leaning back in his chair.

She cleared her throat, then turned a smoldering look on their table. “I didn’t know I had a freckle kink, but then Remus Lupin appeared and now here we are.”

“Oh, shit,” Remus muttered, covering his face with his hands as the others howled with laughter.

“Lupin has been looking sexy as hell on the bench for years now. I'm so glad people are simping over him like he deserves,” Marlene read. “And there’s a little heart emoji, just for you.”

“This is every one of my nightmares come to life,” Remus said, though his voice was muffled by his forearms.

James lifted his glasses to swipe away the tears of mirth that had gathered in his eyes. “Are you kidding? This is everything I have ever wanted.”

“Y’know, it is so good to see people drooling over this hot piece of ass at last,” Finn sighed, reaching over to ruffle Remus’ hair as his face turned bright red.

“One more, and it’s a good one,” Marlene warned. She licked her lips, then had to take a moment to laugh before speaking. “I feel like Remus Lupin is the type of guy to bake you muffins—”

“Accurate,” Leo said.

“—but is also a kinky motherfucker.”

Remus’ mouth dropped open as the table erupted into cheering. Logan pumped both fists in the air and Sirius was laughing so hard no sound came out; Talker sank so low in his chair that only his head and shoulders were visible as he applauded.

“Why do people comment these things?” Remus asked, barely above a whisper. “Holy fuck, I’m engaged!”

“Speaking of…” Marlene raised her eyebrows and Sirius smile drooped.

“Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes. Buckle up, Cap!” She rolled her shoulders out. “Get someone who looks at you the way Sirius Black looks at a hockey puck.”

Remus snorted; James’ laugh was so short and sharp that it set everyone else off as well. “That sounds like I have a hockey puck fetish!” Sirius complained. “Which is so, so not true!”

Finn made an ‘ehh’ noise, and he leaned around Remus to smack the back of his head. “Hey!”

“Next one!” Marlene announced. “Sirius Black was my bi awakening.”

A beat of silence passed. “Is that it?” Sirius ventured, looking nervous.

“Yep.”

“Aw, man, that one’s lame,” Talker said, shaking his head. “Everyone thinks Cap is a little hot.”

Remus shot him a look. “A little?”

“Fair. Marley, I dare you to find one person who wouldn’t tap that.”

She rolled her eyes. “Me, though that dovetails nicely into the last one for our lovely captain. Ahem. I understand why Remus is with Sirius: he's hot as hell and rich, I'd hit that too.”

“Oh, fuck, you’re right,” Leo gasped. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

Finn and Logan turned to him in unison with a mix of disbelief and offense written all over their faces. “Dude.”

“First of all, Leo, you found yourself two hot rich boys,” Remus interrupted. “Second, that comment is forgetting that he’s funny, and smart, and nice, and—”

Seconds after the initial cover, Sirius took his hand off Remus’ mouth as if he’d been burned. “Did you just lick me?”

“Moving on! This is in all caps, so be prepared.” Marlene shuffled through her posterboards and turned to Leo with an ominous smile. He glanced toward the camera in mild fear. “What does a person have to do to get some hockey player ass?! Like why is Leo Knut so fine?!”

“Amen!” Logan called as Leo blushed.

“According to six of the seven people at this table, the answer to that first question is to be a hockey player,” Talker laughed. “The world may never know the answer to the second, sadly.”

“Lily could play hockey,” James said, resting his chin on his hand. Every single one of the others rolled their eyes. “She could! She’d be so good at it, too.”

“We know,” Finn groaned. “You only mention it every other day.”

“Speaking of the lovely Mrs. Potter,” Marlene began with a sly look as she held up a new card. “Do James and Lily Potter need a third? Asking for me specifically.”

James paused, dumbstruck, while the others drummed their hands on the table. “…no?”

A general sigh of disappointment went up. “I was really hoping he’d say yes,” Leo said.

“Ask Lily next time,” Remus recommended.

James turned to him and blinked slowly. “What are you insinuating, Loops?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Don’t worry, James, you’ll like this one,” Marlene assured him. “James Potter is the ultimate dilf.”

“You’re damn right I am!” James whooped. “Vindication, bitches!”

“Marley, what have you done?” Talker whispered. “He’ll never shut up about that, now.”

“Oh, never,” James all but cackled. “I’m officially a dilf, you guys!”

“I hate you,” Sirius groaned.

“Tremzy, are you ready? We’ve got a couple very special ones for you,” Marlene said.

“Anything to get us out of this hell,” Logan begged.

“In that case: Logan Tremblay’s ass is better than Sidney Crosby’s. I said what I said.”

A pleased flush rose to his cheeks as Finn and Leo high-fived over his head. “Really? Thank you!”

“And they would be correct!” Finn announced. “Best ass in the league.”

“Come on,” Remus scoffed, though he was smiling.

Marlene cleared her throat to get their attention. “I don’t think I can legally read this on air without being censored or getting the video taken down, but…”

She turned the board around; all seven of them leaned forward to read it, then slowly looked at Logan, who turned vivid red. “Mon dieu. Is that—someone commented that on a video? Like, for people to see?”

“I feel like I need to bleach my eyes,” Sirius said just as Finn began shaking with silent laughter.

Leo’s face fell. “You wrote that, didn’t you?”

“I did,” Finn wheezed, scooting forward to fist-bump Marlene. “We wanted to see what you guys would say. Fuckin’ hell, your faces.”

“Alright, Talkie, are you ready?” Marlene asked around her laughter. “Seeing Thomas Walker with a baby makes me want to have his babies…please hit me up.”

He held up his index finger and took a second to laugh before responding. “If that’s Noelle, yes. If that’s anyone else, I’m flattered, but absolutely not.”

Logan made a face. “Ew.”

“We have two more,” Marlene warned. “For some very special people that aren’t here today, but I think you’ll like them anyway.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes. “I don’t trust the look on your face.”

“Daddy Dumo makes me swoon.”

A muddle of horrified noises echoed through the studio as all seven of them cringed. “Oh, my god, that’s my dad!” Logan yelped, covering his ears. Sirius looked vaguely ill and Remus’ shoulders crept toward his ears; James shuddered.

“The worst part is, we all know he can get it,” Finn said with a grimace. “God, I feel like I just heard someone talking about my parents having sex.”

“I’m sure he’ll love to hear that,” Marlene laughed. “Last one, from one of our truth or drinks.”

Remus went pale half a second too late. “N—”

“Hope Lupin is a milf.”

A broken noise escaped his mouth and he clamped his hand over it while Talker rubbed his back in sympathy. Sirius shook his head. “Somehow, that’s worse than Dumo’s.”

“Whoever sent that in, show some respect!” Leo said indignantly as Remus bonked his forehead against the table. “Hope Lupin is a lovely woman!”

“I think they noticed that particular fact,” Marlene pointed out, earning herself several scandalized shouts of her name and a whine from Remus. “That’s all we have for thirst comments! Are you ready for some funny ones?”

“Anything,” Remus pleaded. “I am begging you, anything else.”

Marlene shook her head as she stood, still smiling, and kissed Dorcas on the cheek when she entered the frame. “Go for it, love.”

“Dorcas!” they all cheered, lighting up immediately.

“Hey, guys, it’s been a while!” She curled up in Marlene’s vacant spot and took her own posterboards out from underneath the seat. “Alright, let’s rock and roll. Pascal Dumais is the team dad and nothing will change my mind, and Tremzy is the annoying youngest child.”

“That is so accurate,” Sirius laughed, leaning just out of range of Logan’s playful punch. “Whoever commented that has no idea how right they are.”

“We’ve got a whole sibling dynamic thing going on,” Talker agreed. “Tremzy’s the baby of the family, Cap is the quietly chaotic middle child, and Pots is the older brother that starts shit and inevitably gets blamed for however out-of-control it gets.”

Dorcas nodded. “You are one hundred percent correct. In a similar vein: Pots was the dad jokes friend before he was even a dad.”

“Painfully so,” Leo confirmed, shaking his head as they all groaned in agreement. James looked rather smug about the whole thing. “So many puns.”

“Oh, you’ll like this one,” Dorcas mused as she drew a new card. “If Tremzy looked directly into my eyes for even two seconds, all of my problems would be solved. I am sure of it.”

“Yes,” Finn and Leo said in unison.

“It’s something about the eyes, I think,” James added. “They just stand out so much that it’s a little startling straight-on.”

Logan looked to the camera and stared at it, unblinking; it zoomed in slightly on his face. “Everything will be fine,” he said with mock solemnity. “Your problems are solved.”

“Well, that was terrifying,” Sirius said drily. “Got any more for us, Ms. Meadowes?”

“Of course I do! We’ve got quite a few for Loops and Leo.” She took a sip of her water before getting comfortable again. “My favorite thing about these videos is that we can all see Loops get steadily buffer as the season goes on. Good for you, king!”

“Flex! Flex! Flex!” the six of them chanted; Remus rolled his eyes, but slid his sweater sleeve to his elbow and flexed his forearm, resulting in enough hoots and hollers that they could probably be heard a block away. Talker fake-swooned into Leo’s arms and Remus lightly whacked him on the shoulder.

“Remus Lupin looks like he has squishable cheeks,” Dorcas read aloud.

“He does!” James cooed, scooting over and reaching out.

Remus narrowed his eyes. “I swear to god I’ll bite you.”

Sirius cupped his face between his palms and kissed his nose, then pinched both his cheeks gently. “Ta-da!”

“How many of these do we have?” Remus asked, though his voice was a bit muffled by Sirius’ hands.

“Just one more for you, and it’s my personal favorite.” Dorcas assured him. “I love how the team probably had no impulse control until Loops joined.”

Sirius let go of his face and dissolved into laughter as Finn nearly fell on the floor. “Oh my—you think he has impulse control?” Talker slapped the edge of the table as he shook his head. “Absolutely not. Hell no, Loops is the first person to do stupid shit with us.”

“Yeah, I just don’t get caught,” Remus added around his own laughter. “Everyone thinks I’m such a hardass goody-two-shoes and it lets me get away with so much more than you delinquents.”

“Speaking of delinquents,” Dorcas continued. “This one is from our ‘Taste Testing Sexy Alcohol’ video: ah, yes, now I know how to do a body shot. 10/10, very educational video.”

“Do not take educational advice from us,” Finn blurted instantly. “I know this is a joke, but please exercise caution. That video was a ton of fun but a nightmare to recover from.”

Sirius winced at the memory. “I took two naps and then wished for death for a full day.”

“On a lighter note, who’s ready for some Knutty appreciation?” Dorcas smiled at her cards. “I've only had Leo Knut for a season and half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.”

“Big mood,” four of them said simultaneously.

Leo turned to the camera with a concerned look on his face. “That’s a meme reference, but are y’all okay?”

“No,” Dorcas answered. “Especially not this next person: Sometimes I do something productive and then I remember @LeoKnut is a 19 year old professional athlete who radiates happiness and with two of the hottest boyfriends the good lord has made, and then my bowl of packaged ramen seems less impressive.”

“I’m proud of your ramen,” Leo said, even as the corners of his mouth twitched in a smile. “And I appreciate the note about my boyfriends, because they are definitely the hottest people the good lord has made.”

Talker stuck his lip out in a pout. “Rude.”

“Sorry, Talkie, I’m biased.”

“Last one before Marlene comes back, so you’d better enjoy it!” Dorcas announced. “Did the Lions effectively utilize girl power when they wrecked toxic masculinity, yes or yes?”

“Can we utilize girl power?” Remus wondered, resting his shin on his hand. “Isn’t that exclusively for, y’know, women?”

“We can utilize himbo power,” Finn suggested.

James gave him an offended look. “Not all of us are himbos!”

“Okay, but you definitely are.”

“I am not!” James held up his fingers to count. “There are only, like, three qualifications, right? I might be strong, hot, and respectful, but I’m not dumb so it doesn’t count!”

“Pots,” Remus said quietly, hiding his smile for half a second. “Buddy, that was four things.”

James paused, then sighed in resignation. “Ah, fuck, I’m a himbo.”

“You really are.”

“At least we don’t promote toxic masculinity.”

They raised their waterbottles in a ‘cheers’ motion as Marlene and Dorcas switched spots; Marlene stretched her arms over her head and grabbed the new boards. “I’m back, beloved himbos. Talker, Leo, you are beloved by the people and have no mean comments. Cap, we’re starting with you.”

“Are they actually mean mean?” he asked.

“Sirius Black seems like a little bitch. Not in a bad way, necessarily. He just. Seems like he'd be a little bitch."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Oh, okay. That answers one question.”

“He’s not a little bitch,” Leo said. “Pouty on occasion, but not a little bitch.”

Remus gave him a long look, then shook his head. “Yeah, I mean, you teared up a little when Hattie got a splinter in her paw but didn’t even yell when you almost sliced your finger off while making dinner.”

“Duality of man,” Finn said sagely.

Marlene cocked an eyebrow. “Finn O’Hara’s hair kind of reminds me of Garfield the Cat.”

“Alright, that’s just rude.”

“It does not!” Logan gasped at the same time Leo made a noise of agreement.

Finn turned to him in utter betrayal. “Nutter Butter, I thought you liked my hair!”

“I do!” Leo defended. “But they’re not entirely wrong. It’s very orange in the sun.”

“I’m never going to forget that,” Finn muttered, staring at the floor.

“Ugh, it bothers me so much that Lupin just objectifies Black all the time!” Marlene read in a high-pitched, nasal voice. “No respect in that relationship!”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Pardon?”

Marlene stared at it for a moment, then shrugged. “Yeah, I have no idea what videos they were watching. Do you feel objectified in your relationship, Cap? I know the opinion of total strangers really bothers you a lot.”

“I’m really glad you picked up on that,” he said with false gravity. “Yeah, it’s such a bummer when my hot fiancé says I look nice. Such a blow to my self-esteem.”

“That was supposed to be a roast against me,” Remus said, looking amused. “Talk about backfiring.”

“Are you ready, Pots? This one’s pretty brutal,” Marlene warned. James nodded and Finn linked their hands for moral support. “James Potter is a swiftie and you cannot tell me otherwise.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “…yeah? That’s true? T Swift is a regular occurrence on the locker room playlist.”

“Also, James Potter looks like someone who would think black pepper was spicy.”

“Now that one is mean,” he complained as the others burst out laughing.  “It’s not my fault I have sensitive taste buds!”

“Oh, honey,” she said under her breath as she took a new card. “Get ready, Tremzy. This first one is short and sweet: Logan Tremblay looks like a lesbian.”

“That is not an insult,” Logan laughed. “Every lesbian I know is rad as fuck. I wish I looked that good in a leather jacket.”

“I just realized Logan doesn’t look short cause he’s next to bunch of hockey players, he’s short cause he’s 5’9.”

The smile slipped off his face in a millisecond as the others roared with laughter. “Quoi?”

“Oh, she got you good,” Sirius gasped, patting his shoulder clumsily. “Holy fuck, can I frame that?”

“That’s not what it says.” An edge of distress appeared in Logan’s voice. “Marley, that’s not what it says.”

James sat on the floor with the heels of his palms pressed against his eyes. “You’re fucking—whoever sent that in, you are my new favorite person. Jesus.”

“Do you need a second to recover before we move on?” Dorcas asked as she draped her arms over the back of Marlene’s chair. “The next one is our biggest section by far.”

“It’s the sweet ones, yeah?” Leo asked.

“Right.”

“It might be a good idea to do those before Lo spontaneously combusts.”

“Agreed!” She swapped with Marlene and hauled a short stack of posterboards out from their hiding place with a smile. “A hug from Dumo can probably solve any issue.”

“Facts,” Logan said. “I could really use one right about now, too.”

“Has anyone noticed how blue Leo Knut’s eyes are?”

“Yes,” the six of them chorused.

Finn gave him a dreamy look. “Every single day.”

“When I first read this one, I thought I wrote it,” Dorcas said with a snort. “Someone give Marlene a raise. No reason why, I just love her.”

“Can we do that?” Sirius asked, looking toward the camera crew. “Can we lobby to give you guys raises? Because you definitely deserve it after all the bullshit you deal with to make these videos watchable, and Marlene, you’ve drawn the short end of the stick ninety percent of the time.”

“How?” she called off-screen.

“You have to actually talk to us and try to get answers.”

“Fair.”

Dorcas finished scribbling something down on her notepad. “Just making a note of this conversation for future reference. Moving on! Sirius Black and James Potter are a prime example of hockey husbands, and I adore them.”

“The ironic part of that is that we’re both in committed relationships, but we’re basically married,” James mused.

Remus shook his head. “You guys are so married. Lily wanted to get you matching rings for your birthday, Pots.”

“That would be so cool!” they said in perfect unison. Remus turned to the camera and spread his hands in a case in point motion.

Dorcas stifled her laughter before moving on. “This one is cute. Give Remus Lupin all the hugs! I feel like I could tell him he’s an inspiration and he’d be so nice about it—” She paused to glance up at them. “—this next bit is in parentheses: all the LGBT Lions give me that vibe, but Cap and Knutty are super intimidating so I wouldn’t have the guts.”

Leo’s face fell and Sirius’ eyebrows pitched. “I’m not intimidating!” Leo protested. “I thought we already went over that! Loops gives fantastic hugs, but I want some, too.”

“He definitely deserves all the hugs in the world, but I promise I’m nice,” Sirius said, a bit softer than usual. “Is it because we’re tall?”

Dorcas half-shrugged. “Probably. It’s a little startling at first. Oh, I could’ve written this one, too: The Venn diagram of men I trust and the Gryffindor Lions is a full circle.”

Talker beamed at the camera. “Thank you!”

“So many hockey guys are such douchebags,” Logan said with a shake of his head. “I’m really glad we don’t do that shit.”

“Me, too.” Dorcas slid her old card under her chair. “Sirius Black’s hair looks so soft and I just want to touch it so bad.”

“It is so soft,” Remus agreed immediately. “You have no idea.”

“Everyone wants to touch Cap’s hair,” Finn said, sighing. “It’s so majestic.”

“I need a haircut.”

“No, you don’t,” Remus said as he tugged a stray curl. Sirius hummed.

“This one is from the interview some you did with Jules and Katie: these hockey boys being so soft with kids is my aesthetic! Like, it’s just so adorable to see these big, intimidating dudes be so, so sweet! Love them all!” She turned the card for them to see. “And then they added a heart at the end.”

“It’s impossible to be around those kids and not be happy,” James said. “They’re just too cute and wonderful.”

“Yeah, I love kids.” Finn nodded. “Especially the Dumais and Jules. They’re a hoot.”

“Jules would die if he heard you say that,” Remus laughed. “The hero worship is still going strong with most of you.”

“This one made me laugh when I first read it, but it’s really sweet,” Dorcas informed them. “Anyone else feel like we were deceived these past five years into thinking Cap was this hard-ass man, when in reality he's a cuddle bug who definitely captures and releases spiders instead of squishing them?”

“You weren’t deceived, I was just closeted,” Sirius said. “Also, I absolutely squish spiders.”

Remus gave him a look. “No, you do not. That’s my job. I’m the catch and release person if I can get away with it.”

James shook his head. “The third week of practices you saw a spider and threw me at it.”

“You did what?” Finn asked.

“There was a spider in my stall,” Sirius sighed, looking as if he would rather be anywhere else. “And Pots and I were talking so I didn’t see it until I almost sat on it, and my brain decided the only logical thing to do would be to grab him and shove him toward the spider.”

“That was after you shrieked,” Talker added. “Like, literally shrieked. I’ve never heard anyone make a noise like that.”

“Alright, alright,” Sirius grumbled. “We get it, I don’t like spiders.”

Remus shrugged. “But you are a cuddle bug. They got that part right.”

“We’re in the final two!” Dorcas announced. “This one has some pictures to go with it, so it’s on my phone. Fuck Romeo and Juliet, I want what these bitches have.”

“It’s us!” Leo cooed as the phone made its way down the line. In the upper corner of the screen, the photo appeared—it had been taken in New York, and Logan’s whole face was alight with happiness as Leo and Finn each pressed a kiss to his cheek. The camera caught him mid-laugh, so his eyes were closed and his chin was tucked slightly into Finn’s Strand hoodie.

“That’s my screensaver,” Finn said with a grin, pulling his phone out and turning it toward the camera without moving away from Leo. “One of my favorites.”

“I forgot you took that one,” Logan murmured. He hooked his chin over Leo’s shoulder and kissed his cheek; the four others at the table gave soft are you seeing this? looks to the camera and Dorcas smiled.

“Pots, I think yours is next. I hate to break it to you, Talkie, but they didn’t get any of you and Noelle.”

“We don’t take a ton of pictures together,” Talker said as James took the phone. “I mean, we take a bunch of selfies, but we don’t live close enough to each other to actually post that often. What picture is it, J?”

James was staring down at the picture with an unbearably sweet expression. “It’s our wedding. That’s my favorite one, actually.”

Like Logan, they had been captured while laughing—Lily was bent slightly at the waist as James clapped, his glasses just as askew as the flower crown on her head. It was impossible to tell who had told the joke originally, but they were both radiant in the sunset.

“That’s a really good one,” Sirius said with an unreadable look on his face.

“Well, well, well, fancypants, you two got a video.” James wiggled his eyebrows and Remus leaned in to see.

“What kind of video? One of our tikt—oh. Oh, this is so cute.” He shifted his chair over as the short edit began to play. “D, who made this?”

“A fan.”

“It’s really impressive,” Sirius said without taking his eyes off the screen. The edit was a series of photos, both on and off the ice; Sirius knocking their helmets together, then Remus looking back over his shoulder, then both of them in the water playing chicken in the sun. It was a slideshow of their life and their love.

“Can you send that to me?” Remus asked when it was over. “Cause that’s super cool.”

“Sure thing. Are you guys ready for the last one?” When they all nodded, she drummed her fingers on the posterboard and cleared her throat. “Arthur appreciation hours. He deserves it after managing to control the team.”

A cheer went up—all seven stood and applauded, half-laughing and half-whooping. “Miracle worker!” Sirius called.

“Best coach in the league!” Finn added.

“Most tolerant man to ever walk the earth!” Remus raised his water in a toast and they tapped the plastic edges together, nearly spilling all over the table.

Dorcas’ eyes crinkled in a smile as she turned to the camera. “That’s it for today, Lions! Tune in next time for more content of our boys, and thank you for such wonderful comments!”

[miss-smutty]

Forbidden

Chapter 1

A/N- I've teased y'all for so long I hope this series is going to live up to expectations, I'm confident it will though because I'm addicted and it's been super easy for me to write - I'm up to chapter 3 so far so updates can be on time! There's a slight age gap between my professor Hemsy and OC Jess but she's twenty and completely legal. You know this is gunna be a giant tease fest for the first couple of chapters cos that sexual tension is fucking gold 🥵

Summary- Jess meets the man of her dreams and then stupidly leaves without getting his number. Will fate bring them together again?

Word count- 1.5 K

Pairing- Professor!Chris Hemsworth x OC

Warnings- Swearing, age gap

18+ only!

Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.

Posted: 5th August 2021

Taglist:- @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap @jjpogueprincess @longlostinanotherworld @mostly-marvel-musings @darklydeliciousdesires @monet-belle

@skyfullofsong123 @swaggysposts

Chapter 2

I pulled out a chair at the last available table in the unusually busy coffee shop, I thought I might've caught a break choosing the one outside of campus but alas I was wrong.

I was about to sit down when the chair opposite me slid out from under the table, my eyes lifted to meet with the most sparkly blue eyes i'd ever seen. The sight of him took my breath away. Literally.

I stood staring, frozen on the spot, my mouth slightly ajar as I looked him up and down. He was tall, so tall, definitely over 6ft and built like a dream. Thick thighs straining against his fitted trousers, wide muscular shoulders and I just knew there was a six-pack hiding behind that tight t-shirt. 

"Sorry. You were here first, I'll just grab a take-out." He smirked a side smile, amused at how I was so obviously checking him out but his sexy Australian accent distracted you from anything else.

"It's fine, I'm on my own. I don't mind if you want to sit there too." I mentally face palmed myself, drawing attention to the fact I was alone wasn't the best idea but then again he was alone too. "I don't bite." I added trying my best to flirt.

It seemed to work, he smiled at me as he sat down and I took the time to admire his handsome face. He was quite clearly a lot older than me, the laughter lines around his eyes a tell tale sign but he was still quite possibly the best looking man I'd ever laid eyes on. His hair was fair and the short beard framed his face perfectly but the one thing that stood out the most were those piercing ocean-blue eyes.

"So do you come here often?" I cocked my eyebrow at him over my coffee cup making him laugh at my reaction. "Sorry, it's been a while." He said nervously, running his hand through his hair.

"It's been a while since you spoke to a stranger or…?" I questioned casually.

"It's been a while since I spoke to an attractive woman." He finished, his eyes sparkling as he watched me almost choke on my drink.

"Oh, I err…. I don't think you're doing too badly." I absentmindedly circled my finger around the rim of my cup, crossing my leg over my other and accidently rubbing my foot up his leg. My cheeks felt hot and flushed as I looked up into his eyes and saw him smiling slyly.

"Evidently. We're already playing footsie under the table." He smiled widely, a genuine smile that stretched the corners of his mouth. I smiled back at him shyly, thinking of something to say to change the subject before I ended up looking like a tomato.

"What part of Australia are you from?"

"I'm originally from Melbourne but I lived in Byron Bay before I came to America." 

"Awesome. I've always wanted to go to Australia, the Spiders put me off though." 

"Yeah I think they put most people off but in heavily populated areas they stay pretty much hidden, I think it's the size that scare people." How have I made this conversation go from flirting to talking about spiders? And how do I get back to flirting?

"Are we still talking about spiders?" I raised my eyebrows questioningly and laughed at the innuendo, flicking my hair over my shoulder. I noticed something in his eyes when I did so, a hunger, just a little flash and then it was gone again. I'm sure I didn't imagine it though because his eyes lingered on my exposed shoulders.

I checked my watch subtly, not wanting him to think he was boring me but I had to get to class and couldn't be late again, not when this semester had only just started.

"I'm really sorry, I'm gonna have to run, I'm going to be late. It was really nice meeting you." I gathered up my bags, ready to leave.

"Already? You've only just got here." He looked disappointed, his smile fading. His mouth opened as if he was going to say something else and then closed again when he saw I was ready to leave. "It was really nice to meet you too, hopefully I'll see you again." His eyes sparkled as he looked into mine, standing from his chair to get the door for me. I felt fireworks when his hand brushed against the small of my back and his face lingered close to mine. The tension was unreal, like we were the only people in the room as his eyes hungrily stared into my soul, undressing me with his eyes. My heart stopped beating when his face moved closer to mine so I could feel his breath on my lips, the smell of coffee and his aftershave filling my nostrils. I paused, my feet routed to the spot, I wanted him to kiss me so badly but I moved away at the last minute. Surely he wasn't actually going to kiss me, we'd only just met, that would be ridiculous. Wouldn't it?

********

I spent most of class daydreaming about my tall handsome stranger and the way he looked at me but most of all how I didn't even get his name. Or his number.

Now I was feeling sorry for myself because it would just be my luck to meet the man of my dreams and then never see him again. So I'd moped about all day and avoided the invitations for drinks after class. Instead I'd

gotten home early, changed into some sweats and settled myself in front of the TV for the night.

"What's up with your face?" My roommate, Ellie said as she walked into our room, throwing her bags onto her bed.

"What're you talking about?" 

"Your face. Looks like you're chewing on a wasp."

"Feeling sorry for myself." I pout pathetically.

"Why, what've you done now?" She rolled her eyes, kicking off her shoes and throwing her legs up onto the bed. I felt so lucky to have a roommate like Ellie, during our freshman year she'd become my best friend practically straight away and now after two years together we were practically sisters.

I sat up in bed cross legged and faced Ellie, getting myself ready to spill my misfortunes of the day with her.

"Well, I went to Impresso's this morning to get my morning coffee before class." She nodded, showing her enthusiasm by also sitting cross legged on her own bed, facing me. "And it was packed full of students, there was only one table left. So I went to grab it as soon as I could." She raised her eyebrow at me, wondering where I was going with the story. "And I kid you not, the most attractive man I have ever seen, pulls out the chair opposite me." 

"Oh my god! No way. Did you talk? Oh my god, this is like the perfect chick flick. Carry on." I smiled at her excitement.

"I told him I didn't mind if he sat there, I mean of course I didn't mind, you should've seen him El. Oh, oh, oh I almost forgot" I flapped my hands, bouncing on the spot. "He was fucking Australian."

"Fuck off, you're lying. Drop dead gorgeous with the sexiest accent ever. How is this even real? Now remind me why you're sat there with a face like a slapped arse?" 

"I panicked when I had to leave, didn't want to be late for class and I didn't get his number, didn't even give him chance to ask for mine." 

"Wow! Ok, now I understand. What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking, I was panicking and you know what I'm like when I panic." You sulk.

"It's ok, maybe you'll bump into him again."

"Yeah, right. I should be so lucky."

"Cheer up." she says throwing a cushion at me. "There's a party at Alpha Kappa this weekend, I'm sure we can find you someone to help get over your mystery man. Or under should I say?" She raised her eyebrow at me, smiling slyly and making me laugh. She always did know how to cheer me up and maybe a party is what I needed.

There must be some good looking boys around campus that could make me forget about my Australian hunk. Surely? I thought about the guys I'd seen around campus, the guys I'd seen at frat parties and that's definitely not what I wanted. How could a twenty year old boy match to the masculine, experienced man I met this morning. My mind was set, I'd dipped my feet ever slightly into the mature pool and that's what I wanted more than anything. There was always something missing with previous boyfriends and I was tired of all the game playing. I wanted someone who knew what they wanted and wasn't afraid to get it.

The only thing was, he didn't know I was only twenty and I had no way of finding him again. If fate did bring us back together, would he mind that I was still a student? That I couldn't even drink when we went on dates? 

Who am I kidding? Of course he would mind, he could get any woman he wanted, why would he want me?

[twig---verginix]

(+50 <3)

I saw this picture of my niece twisting high above a narrow beam/and my brother looked so proud, like he woke up in this perfect dream

'Cause I still believe in miracles (I swear I've seen a few)/and the time will surely come when you can see my point of view/I believe in second chances and that's why I believe in you

The river runs cold, the fight is over/Still the haunted ruins of night call your name

But we're all out of time, nothing left to decide/Pack your things up quick, this one can't be fixed, leave the rest of it behind

If I arrive before you're gone, and you're right where you belong/inside your warehouse in a loft your family bought

I am not afraid to keep on living/I am not afraid to walk this world alone/Honey, if you stay, I'll be forgiving/Nothing you can stay can stop me going home

Spent too much of my life now trying to play fair/Throw my better self overboard, shoot at him when he comes up for air

I'm handing over my pencil and pen/I won't be needing my broom again/I'll bloom by day, I'll bloom by night/and blooming will be my delight

But this red string in my hands, a spell I must have cast/I know I'll follow back to you in our story that will last

When I was only seven, I had you, but now I'm twenty-two/and now it's different when I take you out and you/you've got me standing in an awkward position with unwanted attention and a need for explanation

Steal the treasure and try to leave town, fight my way back down/Try not to hurt anyone. Probably going to have to before it's all done

But you can set sail to the west if you want to/and past the horizon 'til I can't even see you

And our love is like Jesus, but worse/Though you seal the cave up where you've lain its body, it rises, it rises.

We stick to our slow motion memory/It's one in the morning and ninety degrees

Maybe you'll make it to the far side of the hill/Maybe you will see me coming, but I don't think you will

Into the house, the halls in my mind/Into the rooms, the wandering eyes

So play your favorite cover songs, especially if the words are wrong/'cause even if your grades are bad, it doesn't mean you're failing

Cold pressure on wounds heals them the fastest/You'll pick me up, our elixir is bought, it'll be alright

Ships loosed from their moorings capsize and then they're gone/Sailors with no captains watch awhile, and then move on

Out of the ground, you came out swinging like there's something to prove/I wouldn't mind a little break from the abuse

If we left it all alone, I'm sure it'd work itself out fine/We keep playing with the numbers, we are running out of time

It's wrong and forgotten but it feels so right/and I just love the way that the fabric lies

I love you, my friend, my dear means-to-an-end/but you're not in my dreams anymore.

And there's no room in this hell, there's no room in the next/but does anyone notice there's a corpse in this bed?

There's not gonna be a gold watch after thirty years of paying your dues/Show up five minutes early as usual, work on just a couple hours' rest

There are so many things I need to say to you now/but I worry I've said them already, somehow

Once upon a time, this place was beautiful and mine/but now it's just a bottom line, barely comes to mind

And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me/For all the ghosts that are never gonna–

It's a pissed-off march up to the bus stop station with pissed-up eyes glossed with earlier conversations/and the consequence of your desperation is the people on the night bus have to listen to you

Stay independent, make adjustments as needed/It's losers all the way down, you stay undefeated

Don't tell me that your heart is breaking, don't tell me that you feel alone/Just run until your legs start shaking, don't stop until you hit the floor

When all of your wind has gone, and all of the paths you've drawn/have sunk to the ocean sand, where no one can see you stand

You got the same eyes as your father, and you carry the same kind of temper, too/You know, she told me that she fuckin' hates you

So where's the problem, you can ask if you keep your head up/but the road is long and you're falling asleep at the wheel

A cherry fruit roll-up in the evergreens, a reminiscent dissent, have you did the scene?/I came from the valley of fake dates and lovers and I'm never going back again

You and I both are nothing but thieves/We take what we want when we need

I could say it, but you won't believe me/You say you do, but you don't deceive me

But I must admit it, I would marry you in an instant/Damn your wife, I'd be your mistress just to have you around

Look outside, they're making snowmen on your street/Underneath your pillow, you can sigh yourself to sleep

I wanna shine on in the hearts of man/I want a meaning from the back of my broken hand

It's us, yes, we're back again/here to see you through 'til the day's end

I'll be the only one who likes the things you do/I'll be the ghost inside your head when we're through

Oh, but I've got an angry heart/Filled with cancers and poppy tarts

I am drunk and on a ladder/Not the smartest way to start my night/You said I'd conquer my vertigo/That was a lie, that was a lie, that was a lie

I saw the future in a dream last night/There's nothing in it

I'll rearrange the stars, I'll pull them down to where you are/I promise I'll do better

And after all the blood that you still owe/another dollar's just another blow

Born like sisters to this world in a town where blood ties are only blood/If you never say your name out loud to anyone, they can never ever call you by it

They came in by the dozens, walking or crawling/Some were bright-eyed, some were dead on their feet

You used to read me stories, as if my dreams were boring/We all know conspiracies are dumb

If life ain't just a joke, then why are we laughing?/If life ain't just a joke, then why am I dead?

Hi <3 Are you excited about your spotify wrapped? Do you have a spare few hours and a deep desire to spend them thinking about song lyrics? Pick the most interesting lyric from each song and make yourself a handy dandy

~prompt list~

that will bring you lasting satisfaction without having to make a uquiz question that you imagine people will be annoyed by. I highly recommend it. I've been doing this for hours.

And I’ll forget about it when I wake up late and stupid, I tried to tell the Uber driver till he tried to hit it/I tried to tell myself because I've come this far along, carrying my zombie arm to the 15th-grade prom

We understand we've been given a new covenant, a real sharp one/and we spend our days and nights gaining new appreciation of its finer points

This was how Cyrus got sent to the school where they told him he'd never be famous/and this was why Jeff, in the letters he'd write to his friend, helped develop a plan to get even

I have two big hands and a heart pumping blood/and a 1967 Colt 45 with a busted safety catch

Break the lock on my own garden gate when I get home after dark/Sit looking up at the stars outside, like teeth in the mouth of a shark

We each have our guns drawn, but neither of us wants to shoot first/We could stay like this forever. We could stay like this and never leave

And you think that it gets better, just you wait until next week/You're keeping a dark secret (but you're talking in your sleep)

And I think of you when I put on your old clothes/We don't talk all that often, who ever does/But I'll visit you soon and sing you a tune/About finding a family somewhere in the ruin

Raskolnikov felt sick, but he couldn't say why/when he saw his face reflected in his victim's twinkling eye

When I tell you that I love you, don't test my love/Accept my love, don't test my love/'Cause maybe I don't love you all that much

She hopes I'm cursed forever to sleep on a twin size mattress/In somebody's attic or basement my whole life

You stayed up to see the sun/I couldn't wait that long

I'm gonna bribe the officials, I'm gonna kill all the judges/It's gonna take you people years to recover from all of the damage

Basically, the public never responded, you were so amazingly what nobody wanted/I held tight to every scrap that I took in, but it's like it all happened when nobody was looking!

Dawn breaks like a bull through the hall/Never should have called/ but my head's to the wall and I'm lonely

But if the shoe fits, then I won't try it on/You'll be walking out early, but the show must go on/No, I know that I'm wrong/but I love how you're on my side when I cross that line

And I park in an alley and I read through the postcards you continue to send/where, as indirectly as you can, you ask what I remember. I like these torture devices from my old best friend

Turn my headphones up real loud/I don't think I need them now 'cause you stop the noise

'Cause this is the part where I shut up and let you infest my brain/Wrap your arms around my cortex, dig you in and let you drain

Try to look a little older so I can go/down to the bar, there's someone waiting to take me home

I drove home in the California dusk/I could feel the alcohol inside of me hum/Pictured the look on my stepfather's face/Ready for the bad things to come

You must fix your heart/and you must build an altar where it swells/When the storm it gains and the sky it rains/Let it flood, let it flood, let it wash away

Maybe somewhere there's a someone waiting there with a smile/And maybe there'll be a place to stop and rest awhile/And maybe you weren't meant to be just a rolling stone/And there's a road to travel on that leads me back to home

I spent this year as a ghost and I'm not sure what I'm looking for/A voice on the phone that you rarely answer anymore

And I stood there like a businessman waiting for the train/and I got ready for the future to arrive.

I know how you feel, no secrets to reveal (nobody knows me at all)/Very late at night and in the morning light (nobody knows me at all)

I'm not Robert Frost, if I wrote a poem about the weather/ it would start in my car, digging out for an hour

They're gonna clean up your looks with all the lies in the books to make a citizen out of you/because they sleep with a gun and keep an eye on you, son, so they can watch all the things you do

Regrind the lens again, and again, and again, and again, but still the picture flips/Anyone here mentions Hotel California dies before the first line clears his lips

I can see you far away as you grow and change and I stay the same/but I, I'm just like you, I've got, got no name at all

Hey, space cadet, are you still floating around that rock that you spent/so much of your life trying to get away from? (and does it at least look different from up there?)

The nights are lovely, dark, and deep/but I'll appear when you're asleep/You'll wake up with a sudden hurt/mouth and nose all full of dirt

It feels like it takes forever. It's maybe five minutes on the screen/but the horns will swell and the strings will sound when that flipped quarter hits the ground

It reaches in and tears your flesh apart as ice cold hands rip into your heart/That's if you've still got one that's left inside that cave you call a chest

I found a letter that said, "I'm sorry that you were asleep when I wrote these words down."/You'd think I ought to be used to that by now

On your birthday, you woke up/The snow was on the ground/You opened books and peeked inside/They kissed you on your crown

You can't give me back what you've taken/but you can give me something that's almost as good

Maybe you should just drink a lot less coffee and never ever watch the ten o'clock news./Maybe you should kiss someone nice, or lick a rock, or both.

Can you hear me? Are you near me? Can we pretend to leave, and then we'll meet again/ when both our cars collide?

This dream isn't feeling sweet, we're reeling through the midnight streets/and I've never felt more alone, it feels so scary getting old

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow. I hope it bleeds all day long/Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises; we're pretty sure they're all wrong

I awoke to trees passing by at the speed of 65/Took a while to realize where I had spent the night

I won't explain or say I'm sorry/I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scars

I could lie and say to you that this would soon be over/I could lie and say I knew where we'd be waking up tomorrow

"June, July, August," she said/They stared at the summer about to fade away

Nothin' bout the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming til now/so you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal

A voice like your father's tells you nothing good's for free/Well, that may be, but you're walking home to me

I said more photographs may come to light/I said I'm sorry, and I'm seeking help

You sing the words but don't know what it means/ to be a joke, and look, another line without a hook

And I start laughing like a child, and I mark their faces one by one/Transfiguration's gonna come for me at last and I will burn hotter than the sun

[stargazing-enby]

20 Facts for 2020

Tagged by @tsauergrass! Thanks darling 💗

1. Do you make your bed?

I try to! Whether my bed is made or not is probably an indicator of whether I am having a good or a bad day, although sometimes I don't make it simply because I need to rush to class in the morning and don't come back home till night 😂

2. Favourite number?

Don't have one!

3. What's your job?

Being a student 😂

4. If I could would I go back to school?

NO. I still have nightmares from school quite often

5. Can you parallel park?

I can't drive, so no

6. A job people would be surprised I had

N/A 😂

7. Do you think aliens are real?

I do believe it's possible that other planets out there bear life or have done/will do it at some point, yes. But I'm not scared an evil horde of aliens is going to conquer Earth anytime soon 😂

8. Can you drive a standard car?

I probably could if I had to, but...nope

9. What's your guilty pleasure?

I had to Google the definition of guilty pleasure because I've never been quite sure what that is (first result: something, such as a film, television programme, or piece of music, that one enjoys despite feeling that it is not generally held in high regard.)

And uh... I used to watch America's Got Talent despite it probably being the least ethical show I've enjoyed in the past few years, but I stopped when one of their golden buzzer YouTube headers was "girl defeats autism...". So now I guess I could say my guilty pleasure is probably reading fics on Wattpad sometimes 😅😂 everyone dislikes Wattpad, but I don't. Oops?

10. Tattoos

They're beautiful, but not for me, at least not at this stage in my life. I feel like I'm so young, and if I tattooed anything on my skin with any sort of symbolism right now I'd feel unable to grow up a few years from now; stuck in who I was when I got it. Does that make sense? I don't want to anchor myself to a moment in time and have to remember it when I've moved on from it.

11. Favourite colour?

Shiny, translucent, pale, and soft shades of light blue!

12. Things people do that drive you crazy

Ummm, LOTS 😂

- Smoke, scream, spit, litter, and use the car honk on the street.

- Keep sniffing over and over again instead of blowing their damn noses 😭 I've spent whole minutes staring at exams unable to write down a single word because someone nearby was sniffing and I could... Hear it...

- Prank people about things that aren't funny? Like if you tell me something bad happened I'm going to get worried! You can't just laugh and tell me it was a lie, that you just wanted to play with my feelings for fun! I don't trust you anymore. 😂

- Be on their phones in the damn cinema. Watch the movie at home if you're gonna ignore it 😒 or at the very least turn the brightness down?!? I swear.

- Keep their phones at max volume on the train. Like. LSKDKQJDJQN the other day this man kept getting calls over and over and over again, and he was ignoring them instead of picking up, and the volume was so high you could hear it over your headphones. Wtf man.

- A lot of other stuff 😅

13. Any phobias?

Not that I know of (or at least not that I know the name of. I have this recurrent intrusive thought of something I'm terrified will happen to me someday, but I'm not gonna name it for my own safety 😂)

14. Favourite childhood sport?

Soccer and rollerskating!

15. Do you talk to yourself?

Doesn't everyone? 😅

16. What movie do you adore?

Frozen/Frozen 2, Moana, Tangled, Beauty and the Beast (the one starring Emma Watson), quite a few Ghibli ones...I'm not really a movie person save for my comfort movies. Like, I'll watch random movies very rarely and enjoy them a lot, but I haven't watched a lot of them and I tend to constantly rewatch the same ones.

17. Do you like doing puzzles?

I actually love doing them!!!!

18. Favourite type of music

At this point in my life, pop/indie and videogame/shows/movie soundracks, and also a little bit of symphonic metal, alternative rock, and folk/classical rock. But mostly the first two.

19. Tea or coffee?

HOT. CHOCOLATE. 😤

20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up?

A biker! I was like 4-5 years old and would prattle for hours about wanting a motorbike of every colour I knew. I'd walk up to strangers with cool motorbikes and reassure my parents I would always wear a helmet 😂

It me riding a fun fair motorbike 😂

Tagging @april-thelightfury115 @keyflight790 @julcheninred @gamerfreddie @tsundanire @sweetlialia anddd whoever else wants to do it, consider yourselves tagged! Please don't reblog this post, but tag me on yours so I can see 👀

[fakefanofmarvel]

Shade// (Bruce Banner X Reader)

Working with Bruce all these years have taught you a lot. One is that you can't stand him. Bruce was kind of an asshole when it comes to his work. Every time something went wrong he blamed you and most of the time it was something you had no control over, like if he hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before and he messed up. You never really used the word hate but you hated Bruce with a burning passion. No matter how much you tried to get along with him he always got worse. Picking at you, pushing your buttons, leaving you out of important discussions, telling Tony you were messing things up, pretty much every textbook thing you could do to someone you don't want around. One day he went a full day without telling me what were suppose to be working on but instead gave me a stack of papers to sort that turned out to just be stuff that was gonna be shredded. Today you had it. Bruce was being extra difficult today. Yelling at you for no reason, discarding all the work you spent hours perfecting and just downright being rude.

"Look here Bruce-" You were cut off before you could finish your sentence

"Its Doctor Banner to you" 

"Shut up, Bruce! I have been working here for 3 years now and not once have you ever been nice to me. I've tried to get along with you but you won't even try to at least tolerate me. I'm sick of it. News flash I'm not going anywhere so man up. I mean I know you are obviously intimidated having a woman in the lab just as smart as you but suck it up," You could see him clenching his fist but you didn't care. 

With Bruce not liking you, you have had your fair share of run-ins with Hulk. You weren't scared of him anymore. Especially now that Tony built you something to protect your self against him.

"Oh, and another thing. You have one more time to jeopardize my job before I beat the crap out of you"

Bruce looked at you in disbelief and anger. His black rim glasses were now sitting on the table beside him. Bruce walked towards you causing you to back yourself into a wall. Bruces face inches away from yours you could feel his heartbeat on your chest with how close his body is to yours. Something about him being this close to had butterflies in your stomach

"You listen here. I don't know who you think you are but I run this lab and I will not have some girl off the streets with only 2 PhDs come in here and try and tell me what to do. Do you hear me? You don't understand that I could choke the life out of you and never even change a shade." He whispered that last part in your ear as he put his hands up against the wall on either side of your head. 

He pulled his body away from you looking into your eyes. His eyes had turned a darker shade of brown and a vain was popping out of his forehead. He had rolled up the sleeves on his coat which showed the lower part of his biceps which was catching your eye. As you looked at this new side of bruce you had never seen before something came over you. You grabbed him by his collar pulling his lips to yours . His hands found their way to the back of your head tangling his fingers inside your hair. He pulled away from the kiss and smiled before saying:

"Took you long enough"

[blake-bellamyblake]

The bet.

I was new in town and oh boy don't I just know it. The amount of stares I received for being the new girl at school was getting ridiculous. There was the usual crowds the jocks, the popular girls, band geeks, and.. well.. there was me.

I was never good in social situations so fitting it was never my strong point. Nor was I ever desperate enough to make myself fit into these stereotypes. I live with my older sister as my parents died when we was little! She had no choice but to look after me. Her names emma and we are the complete opposite of each other! She's into all the new fashions and trends, plans her outfits religiously the night before, where as i really just shove on any old thing in my wardrobe at last minute. emma recently got a job working as a receptionsist at the yellow tower? Or was it the white tower! I really should start to listen. So here we are, where my story begins at hemlock grove!

**It was the usual day at school boring lessons and sitting by myself at lunch time. This repeated for the next 3 weeks. Untill I met letha. She was blonde, skinny and my god was she beautiful. We became really close and exchanged numbers. We would text each other all day and night. We really hit it off. I always thought to my self why did she befriend me?

letha introduced me to them. Roman godfrey and Peter Rumancek. Meeting them was the biggest mistake of my life. Let me rewind the story a bit.

It all started off great, 3 new friends we did everything together. I met them as letha was having a small quiet gathering at her house. Her mum and dad went out for the weekend so we had the place to ourselfs. I arrived first at letha' s house she gave me my go to drink vodka n coke, Helps with the nerves. She told me she had two other friends coming over. Never in my mind would I thought it would be boys. I mean I wasn't a virgin or anything i had my fair share of trouble when it came to boys. And trouble was soon to find me again.

********************************************

Flash back

Letha: "Y/N this is roman, my cousin.

Holy shit

he was breath taking. Tall, dark and handsome. Definatly handsome you thought to yourself.

"hi roman nice to meet you my name's Y/N" you replied back hoping he didn't notice you staring wide eyed at him.

Peter came walking through the door way moments after. Phew. This was awkward.

We all exchanged pleasantries and chatted away like we'd known each other for years.

The drinks was flowing and the drinking games began. truth or dare like we were 15 year olds again. I should of noticed or realised something was up at this point but couple of drinks is enough to wipe out my "somethings not right here" part of my brain. I should of seen the smirk from Peter. Moments later roman and Peter left the room leaving me with letha.

*************

Peter: so I've got an idea...more of a bet really

Roman: go on?

Peter: I bet you can't, get Y/N to fall in love with you

Roman: and why would I want to do that? She's not exactly my type.

Peter: scared she's gonna resit you?

Roman: not a chance! I'm in! How long do I have?

Peter: 4 months.

The boys returned back to the living room and the game of truth or dare continued. You kept noticing roman staring at you from the corner of your eye. What's his problem you thought

Peter: Roman! Its your turn..truth or dare

Roman chuckles realising what Peter is trying to do. Dare he replied.

Peter: umm I dare you.. to umm.. kiss...... Y/N.

You nearly chocked on your drink upon hearing your name. WHAT. Oh god.

You couldn't make eye contact just sat there silent I mean you wasn't going to dismiss the idea but infront of everyone glaring. Awks

Your palms became clammy as you saw the tall silhouette walking towards. Oh god. Oh god.

Roman knelt down infront of you asking for your permission to go ahead.

You just nodded your head as he slowly made his way towards your lips. He surprised you. He held your face gently as he kissed you. He moved away to take a breath before coming back for more. Looking at him you didn't think it would feel like this, you imagined in that split second it would be rushed and rough.

Peter and letha started giggling and cheering behind you which made you come back to reality.

Letha: okay guys let's get on with the game I don't want to see you two necking on all night. She laughed

You felt you cheeks flush. Holy shit that was amazing.

Roman sat beside you instead of returning back to his seat. Your hand was touching the floor as you knelt on your knee' s watching letha and Peter get dared numerous of funny stuff.

You could of sworn he kept gliding over your hand on purpose. Was he trying to get a reaction out of you? Or was this just the alcohol. Probably the alcohol you thought.

Next day:

You Had just gotten off the bus when you saw Letha run up to you and gave you the biggest hug and whispered something in your ear, you wasn't able to catch what she said so you made a mental note to ask her later. Before she dragged you off to first period.

You was sat next to a lovely guy called james and you helped him with the science questions as he repeatedly told you he didn't understand no matter how hard you explained it to him. You spent the majoirty of the lesson laughing together untill you both had tears in your eyes. The Bell was just about to go so you packed all your belongings up And that's when you saw him. glaring at you from the doorway. Eyes fixated on you which made you nervous seriously what is his problem and that stare!

Roman: Who was that

um james, he's really nice you replied

Roman: ok well fuck him, I'm taking you out tonight be ready for 8, wear something hot babe He winked as he said 'babe'

Y/N: What? Wait roman

Too late he had disappeared into the crowds. What does this mean you thought and babe seriously you rolled your eyes and rushed off to go find letha to tell her what just happened.

Y/N: you never guess what ... you began to say

Before letha interrupted you "he likes you Y/n" she spat out all giddy

What? Is all you managed to string out.

Roman! He likes you. he wouldn't stop talking about you after you left and kept asking me places where he should take you.

You didn't know what to say you just sat there trying to take it all in. He likes me? You kept repeating in your head HE LIKES ME you tried to play it cool and act like you wasn't interested. Lies all lies. You was beyond bursting with excitement.

School ended and you and letha rushed back to your house and raided your sisters wardrobe in preparation for your date.

8pm soon arrived and there he was standing infront of his red car wearing black skinny jeans and A white shirt. Fuck! Your knees nearly bookeld at the sight of him.

"wow you look beautiful Y/N" Roman stated as he held the car door open for you. Wow what a gentleman. He took us to a restaurant which he had booked out for just us, a nice romantic candlit dinner it was perfect. I mean I knew he had money but I didn't think he was this rich.

The rest of the night was perfect you didn't want it to end. He dropped you off and walked you to your front door.

Night baby he winked before planting a kiss on you.

*******

Since that night you and roman had become inseparable. You began dating not long after your first date it was just coming up to 4 months. Things were perfect and you was the happiest you've ever been. Roman was the perfect boyfriend and was forever complimenting you and showing you affection. You had no reason to doubt him right?

Soon came around our 4 month anniversary and roman had planned a weekend away. Nothing warmed your heart more when roman took hold of your hand and gently looked at you, it was almost like he was nervous. You laughed at the thought of roman being nervous he always acted so in control.

Y/N I wanted to bring you here to make it a night to remember, to show how much you mean to me! I never thought I would ever... Umm. ..I never thought I could.

What's wrong roman. you cut him off? Why was he stuttering over his words.

Roman: I'm in love with you Y/N

Those words made your heart flutter, you thought you was going to be sick from bursting with happiness

Y/N: I love you too roman godfrey

With hearing you say it back to him he threw his arms around your face kissing you over and over, slowly at first then getting more passionate.

************************

On the return home you rang letha and told her everything that had happened and how roman had confessed his love for you. She was so happy for us! Spent the night chatting untill you both fell asleep.

After school you went round to Romans house as you did everyday. It got to the point you didn't knock anymore you just let your self in, you spent a short while talking to shelly and Olivia before heading off to find roman.

You walked down the many corridors of the godfrey mansion before over hearing talking it was roman and Peter.

they hadn't noticed you hovering around so you decided to hide and see what kind of stuff boys spoke about. Lame I know

You wish you didn't.

Peter: I can't believe you actually won man

Peter: What did she say when you told her you loved her? Peter began laughing. Oh come on roman don't go all quiet on me now.

Roman: Peter stop I need..

Peter cut off roman before he could finish.

You best not be going soft on me now you agreed to this bet.

What. The. Fuck. You felt as if your heart was gonna split in two right then.

" what bet" you came from hiding behind the door. " WHAT BET" you didn't realise you had began shouting.

Peter with a smug look on his face declared" I put on a bet with roman to see if he could get you to fall in love with him"

Roman looked paler than ever, just stood there staring at you.

The tears began falling from your eyes as you rushed out the door.

"Y/N WAIT" roman screamed chasing after you " BABY WAIT"

you stopped and turned around " dont ever call me that again roman" you exclaimed!

Y/N please let me explain, roman said in a low voice

"Explain what? That you did all this for a stupid bet! I love you roman" the last few words were more of a muble as your voice became shaking as the tears kept pouring.

" I did at first ...do it as a bet, but I soon fell in love with you Y/N that part was all true, I know you don't believe me right now but your the only person who's ever made me feel like this. I forgot about the bet with Peter untill just then when I told him about our weekend away and that I told you I loved you" Roman pleaded his voice now becoming as weak and pathetic as yours.

You noticed tears slowly falling his cheek.

" I can't forgive you Roman, it's over.. we're over"

And with that you ran down the corridor and out of the mansion running as fast as your legs could take you. Running anywhere as long as your now weakened body would take you.

Roman watched you leave as he fell to the floor his heart was truly breaking! He really did love you. He knows he should of told you about the bet, but how could he?

*******

This was the day roman godfrey broke my heart in two.