#I'm just depressed and grieving

[seonghwasblr-moved]

Goodnight friends! Reminder that I love Seonghwa and he really is making my life a tiny bit happier these days just by existing ♡

[carefulfears]

for mulder, the entirety of the william/jackson arc in the revival. i think of him running off because scully asks him too, slitting that man's throat, threatening unknown agents for their interference. every single thing he does. even the quieter moments. their date nights, saying The Thing to scully, just giving her whatever she needs. *waiting* for her to be ready. "that's my choice" speech. when she calls him fox and now it seems natural for them.

this is such a good one and i think it's easy to associate mulder with strength in the revival because he's so much Bigger and physically present and they treat him like an action hero at times, but also easy to miss what it takes to fulfill the role he is. he's so steady and even impulsive drastic moves like the throat-slit feel calm and calculated. he has to play the rational fixed point in a situation that is unbearably difficult for him too, and that's harder than it looks.

[cartoonghosts]

genuinely people need to tag triggers. Love all the 'not my responsibility to tag stuff the way you want it' shit but that is for fandom and weird kinks and whatever not LITERAL PICTURES OF SELF HARM AND BLOOD EVERYWHERE like I'd be fine if it was tagged 'tw blood' (which I don't have blocked!! I'd still be triggered as fuck but hey you tried idc) but when you don't tag it at all I have to assume you are actually trying to hurt someone. Yeah I block immediately but thst doesn't change the fact that I'm triggered and the sh urges are back. This is true for text posts too, although I try to block words (I genuinely hate it so deeply when people sidestep other people's word blocks with 'sewerslide' or button mash numbers in the word like. I am going to fucking kill you. 'Oh noo it's triggering to me uwu' bitch you made me actively suicidal for the first time in months. Fucking die. Don't post that shit if using the actual words triggers you). You ABSOLUTELY ARE responsible for what you put out into the words. People saying 'oh ur not responsible for other peoples triggers and emotions' are genuinely heartless and have never felt human empathy. You ain't responsible for how I react to your content, but you NEED to try your best to give people the bare minimum of warnings when you post triggering shit. Look at ur vent post and be like 'hey I'm gonna tag this as tw vent/ tw si' and you genuinely might save someone's life. Probably not but the chance should be enough for you to care and if it isn't, block me. Don't argue, just block me now.

[lee-blogs]

Still packing stuff and now i'm looking for a box for this.

My dad and i made it a few years ago for halloween, probably 2015/16 if i'm remembering right. It's made from a lays can, a wipes container from his work, and paper maché. I don't remember what the wires and front metal bits are from, but the middle actually lights up! It has one of those long battery-powered emergancy lights in it and some colored tissue paper

[tastyflowers]

anyway I just had the most frustrating appointment with a doctor I've maybe ever had

[dreamedfyre-a]

i think a lot about post b&c hel not having any proper support from the people around her. not necessarily because they didn't care! but because they don't know how! she lost her son, a little boy, in an extremely violent and traumatizing way (and personally, for my helaena, i lean towards the book version; they forced her to make a choice and live with the guilt, on top of murdering jaehaerys in front of her), and its a loss all of the greens feel to some extent, but she was there! she doesn't live with 'only' the aftermath, she lives with everything that happened there and there isn't a single person who can understand it but the people around her struggle to even offer support. there is a war to win, and in many ways that takes precedence. even her grief is ultimately weaponized for propaganda against the blacks, and when it isn't useful anymore, and when she can't be useful anymore because she's drowning in grief and guilt, she's left mostly forgotten in the keep.

[woozyhere]

ok gays, slay. billy don't even gotta look, he finds that dick on instinct alone - stu is INTO IT too look at that lip bite. you're not gonna sit there and tell me that stu isn't pissing billy off and then BEGGING when billy's laid him out flat and has a boot on his groin. he's a total "he could step on me and i'd thank him for it" FREAK having a wee rough day today!! S.A.D is setting in with brute force, the weather is grey and miserable and i am stuck in my head, so i'm gonna bed rot until work and watch some interviews i think, but i will be mobile !!!! i love all my lil bbies here, u all make me so happy <3

[rutadales]

Stages?

👀

STAGES IS MY BABYYYYY i love writing about grief and loss of self, and how to cope with that. C!Dream is perfect for that type of analysis. It started bc I really wanted a way to explore dream and bads relationship and their similarities. They both lost their families and both believe that what happened to them was mostly self inflicted. there's a lot to explore there. And of course I love rivals duo and also wanted to write a scenario where techno isn't able to repay the favor. And, ya know, healing and growing together is such a good trope.

I already have the first chapter posted on my AO3 but I've written so much for this fic but still never managed enough to finish another full chapter ughhughhuh. I've also posted some of this fic here but there are so many nuggets I've written that I'd love to share (sorry all my excerpts are so long 😭😭)

"I can barely walk, I can't fight-! I'm helpless. I'm at everyone's mercy and I hate it." His hands are shaking, the pencil moving like a record needle— up and down and up and down— in his weak grasp. Dream wants to steady it but can't, hasn't been able since Quackity's first visit, and he hates that too. His body isn't his anymore. It's a malfunctioning tool, but there's no fixing it. No quick repair. There's no fixing him.

Nothing can cure him, not potions, not time, not XD. He's broken, plain and simple. And all that's left is crossed wires.

A hand lays over his own and Dream looks up into Techno's eyes. His hand still tremors underneath the warm grasp, but it hurts less, now.

"You're not helpless, Dream. You're not. You're just changed, and I know that hurts. And I know I can't fix that but let me make it a little easier for you." His voice chokes on the last syllable, the emotion making it crack.

Sweat pools on the back of Dream's neck as he quickly adverts his eyes. A million thoughts run through his head, seeing Techno's care so plainly on display. He can't bring himself to pull away though.

"I don't get it." It's an admission he wouldn't make normally, but Dream wants to understand at least this about Techno, if nothing else. "You've more than repaid the favor, you don't owe me anything anymore."

"Yes, I do." Techno says, so quietly Dream is half convinced he didn't hear it at all, before Techno continues as if he hadn't said anything to begin with. "When are we just going to admit we're friends, Dream? We can be that to each other, you know."

Now, he does pull away, just barely. Their hands touch still, if only slightly, and the contact burns.

"Fine," Techno speaks, not with anger or frustration. "I'm doing it because I'm selfish. I like having you around, and keeping you healthy makes that easier. Not to mention you're skinny enough to be one of Phil's scarecrows. We can hang you out in the fields and you'd scare all the crows off, nice and easy. That's why I'm doing this, for the good of my crops."

Dream furiously ignores Techno's smug smile when that draws a laugh out of him, but it doesn't get rid of the pit in his stomach. Dream knows what happens to his friends.

He doesn't want that for Techno.

[little-escapist]

.

[thistle-and-thorn]

that moment when you realize that you're due for a massive depressive episode because you've had them every other autumn since you turned seventeen

[cartoonghosts]

not vibing i feel like my depression has been sneaking up on me like I thought I was good for so long and this isn't even sudden and I'm genuinely considering death I don't know what's going in, I'm enjoying life and things are good but fuck I don't want to do this anymore. The trees aren't as beautiful as they used to be. I think it's ending.

[lovelornings]

( There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just gonna be blunt about it: 

My grandmother had her 3rd stroke on Thursday and on Saturday I realized that although she’s alive, the person I loved growing up is never coming back 

I mean - I guess i could go into detail, but i don’t really want to relive that afternoon any more than I already have. If you have anyone in your family or a friend’s family who has Dementia, you probably already know why. 

I wanted to say this because I still want to stay active with this account, and I hope you’ll forgive me if I’m ever seem out of sorts 

Understand that me making the decision to continuing rping during these times is not me ‘forcing’ myself to do anything, it’s understanding that Yumi and Misato have both become  incredible tools for helping me understand and processing the feeling of both grief and anxiety. 

If any one of you are religious  ( or not, if you’d like to humor me ) I’d appreciate any prayers you could give ) 

[zombiepatch]

i need to draw christmas cards but i am not fucking feeling it at all wtf is the point dude i can’t do it

[loumauve]

-

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Okay so I do still plan on catching up on my liveblog tonight, with my thoughts from last night (I do wish I'd been able to rewatch it last night so they were fresher in my mind but eh you know, when it's not uploaded it's not uploaded), but one of the reasons I haven't done it yet is because I've just been feeling off. For most of the day - around like, 1, I started feeling not quite tired, but weird. And then as I was reading a fic about Carlos dealing with grief, I realized: it feels like grief. I recognize it from times I've been grieving.

Y'all I took two naps this afternoon and lay in bed for most of 2:00-7:00 pm because I'm grieving Gabriel 😭

Like it's kind of funny but RUDE Y'ALL XD

[pomfiores]

ive unintentionally become the embodiment of death if not some kind of variation of it. if I scare my CMs more, it's understandable now.