#I'm in a good mood!!!! It's also 5 am!!!!! I'm going to sleep!!!!!

[wildlifesmp]

Writing tips? (As: what helps you sit down and write?)

YAY SOMEONE FINALLY ASKED !!! Okay!!

Short answer: classical conditioning and knowing thyself.

Long answer:

I view writer's block as not one terrible thing, but instead, two separate beasts: motivation issues (ie, finding a reason TO write) and blank page issues (actually writing once you've decided you're going to)

I'll start with blank page issues because that's something I actually have an answer for. Heres my step-by-step guide that isn't actually broken into steps because I like bulleted lists better.

- The goal here is to create a set of replicatable conditions every time you write, so that when you're brain registers them, it goes, writing time!

- Sit somewhere that you don't usually sit. This can be outside, in a different room, at the library, etc. Literally anywhere that doesn't have a "function" in your brain (such as a bed being for sleeping, the restroom being for restroom purposes, the desk being for working or distractions.) I usually sit on top of furniture so I'm close to the ceiling, but it really works anywhere that I don't already associate with something else.

- Eliminate distractions... I use a notebook to write because it doesn't let me get distracted during "research" where 5 minutes in on a computer I'd be watching youtube already. Whenever I'm working on my computer, I turn the internet off so I can't. I also keep my phone nearby enough that I can see the screen when notifications go off but far enough away that I can't reach it without stretching uncomfortably.

- Do things specifically to get you in the Writing Mood. For me, this is putting on certain cd's that I only listen to while writing (creating an association between them and writing in my brain). It can also be a specific playlist, etc, but the key here is you only listen to it while writing.

- Have a clear "starting step" you do right before you write. It should be less intimidating than the prospect of writing itself. For me, this is stretching my wrists (something you should do anyway).

- Introduce things that add Some Sort of (low) Stakes. For me, this is just setting a timer that I pause whenever I get up and take a break. There is no actual purpose to the timer, and no reward or punishment (since I dont count my words until I type it up later). Just the existence of the timer makes me feel like I'm being Timed, which is enough to get me writing. For some people, this is writing with a pen or using software that makes it so they can't backspace or see what they've already written, meaning what's on the page is on the page and they just have to move on.

- Side note on above: I've never had operant conditioning work. Every time I go "you can have a treat after you write" to myself. Every time I am very convincing and say, "We could just have a treat now and not write" and then I have a treat and nothing gets done. The reward of "you wrote! Yay" feeling is good enough on its own.

- Also do things to Reduce the Stakes. What, you may ask. You just raised them. And yes I did, but listen, you can do both at the same time. This for me is writing with a pencil so that I know I can erase if I need to. Ironically, I just scratch things out anyway. This is also making sure that no one sees the writing until I'm done, which reduces the feeling of being watched and having expectations to do Good.

TLDR: BLANK PAGE

- You want a bunch of repeatable environmental conditions that you only associate with writing. That way, when they're there, your brain goes "Oh time to write" and then writes. I think this is maybe called a trance state or something but I don't know because I arrived at these conclusions myself while writing in a core chemistry lecture .

- Introduce stakes, but make sure they're largely meaningless so you don't start to associate writing with stress.

- Also reduce the stakes. Make it so that whatever happens during drafting is between you and the paper. Deities are excluded here they can mind their own business.

now: Motivation. I actually struggle with this because you can't just condition your brain into Being Motivated like you can with Doing a Task. But here's what generally helps me:

- Try not to talk about your ideas too much with other people unless its collaborative. That way, the only way you can Get the Ideas Outta There is by writing. And then when you get the Ideas Itch in your head, you'll have to want to write instead. (note: this is how it works for me. if you're naturally more of a collaborative person and not trafficblr's most solitary tumblrina, do that. Motivation is more about what finding what works for YOU, rather than applying general basic principles)

- Find a good beta reader. Not just any beta reader. A GOOD one. The goal here is for there to be a barrier between "ah i have finally finished this piece of crap" and "everyone is looking at my work oh fuck". You want someone who gives you positive affirmation (yippee) while also giving you constructive feedback and catching your mistakes (which I find helps me trust someone's opinion more, and also makes me feel more comfortable about posting to the world). Obligatory shoutout to my beloved cubecrunchie. Genuinely sometimes i will write specifically bc beta reading is so fun, and it makes me feel like i'm improving which is another reward brain stimulus yay.

- um. Umm. Oh yeah. Write what you WANT !! Self-indulgent content is the secret to actually wanting to write. Shocker. (But like seriously. All of my abandoned/unfinished fics (cough fitpac au because it won a poll cough) are things I'd written for other people). You can also write for other people sure, but make sure it's a specific person or group of people you want to see happy, rather than like. a faceless crowd of imaginary consumers. that sucks. This can also look like writign to express your emotions etc. just do what you want forever really

- dont think too hard !!! Coincidentally (slash lie) whenever i think about being a writer as a core part of my identity, I write way less. It comes with a lot of stressful made up expectations about what a writer should be and just leaves me paralyzed. Just write, man

- and... know yourself!! Do a few sprints to figure out your general writing speed (for me, this is around 250-300 words every 15mins or 1000-1200 wph without breaks) . that way, you can set time out of your schedule to write accordingly without uncertainty of how much you'll get done!!

- figure out what works best for you!! do you like the calm of writing in the morning or the exhilaration of writing at night? Do you like to drink tea or coffee or soup (?) or what while writing? Really, just find things that will make writing enjoyable (i've seen those "turn writing into a game" programs, so you could always try them!!) so that you want to do it more. Boom. Motivation. Yippee stimulus. Yay enjoyment. Etc

- don't force yourself to write when you dont want to. The goal is to create more want, not more write. For instance, when november writing challenge was still reputable and i was doing it, i got food poisoning in the middle of it and couldnt write. But because i let myself recover instead of trying to force it, i was full of energy and rejuvenated and able to catch back up. Trust me. even when you dont write on bad days, your good days will be even better and you'll write more than enough to make up for it

- written is better than good. so much crap gets put out there because the authors put their skillpoints into doing instead of making it good and then they were the only ones to finish. being Good will come with time, trust. you just gotta get there by doing stuff and learning from yourself .... believe....

TLDR for motivation; figure it out yourself xD !!! but do what makes you happy and not stressed . Do not try to stress yourself out to make yourself write more. Listen to me. Listen to me reader. I did this in 2023 and it worked short term. And then I wrote only 7k for all of 2024 and hated every word of it. you're going to burn yourself out unless you make it fun. Please Make it fun.

OK THIS IS THE END finally yayy!!! (I'm a total yapper) Hope this helps :3 and good luck !!!!!!

[cupcakesmoothie]

I hope every day people look at me being weird and go wtf is she doing and the answer is loving being alive

[mangocheesecakes]

Doing this "Filipino Literature in exchange for donations to Palestinian families" project during the start of the ao3 donation drive and only getting a grand total of one (1) proof of donation submitted while the fanfiction slop website gets over $200,000 and counting really brings home, above all, the fucked up priorities of all of you fAnDom-FaNdoM people during a literal genocide but also how juvenile your tastes in reading material is and how much you all lack commitment to actually seeking out so-called "marginalized voices" in art and literature.

I could not be more digusted, but I'm gonna keep going. Helping get aid to families in Gaza is what matters.

Hello, I am reading Filipino short stories, and in exchange for a minimum £5 donation to the fundraisers below, you can listen to me read it:

Karam's fundraiser, last donation 7 days ago:

Ismail's fundraiser, only 2 donations in the last 12 hours:

Rewaa and @mohamedmoner1994 's fundraiser, last donation 3 hours ago:

@yousefmoner's fundraiser, last donation 2 hours ago:

I will be reading another, different short story this week. Please look out for the posts I will make about it in the following days.

Please let this incentivize you into donating to Mohamed and Yousef's families above, but if you really have no interest in what I'm doing and would still rather read your fanfiction, at the very least be motivated by compassion for these families, and don't give any more money to the already $200,000-rich fanfic site.

Below is an audio excerpt of my recording for the story last week. I sent a full copy to the one user who submitted proof of donation, but you can still listen to the whole thing if you want. Just donate, send an ask with the screenshot, and indicate you would like to receive THIS particular story:

Content Warnings:

A slur for Romani people is used once to refer to one of the characters

Use of an exclamation with racially-charged undertones

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌙🌟🌟🌟🌟

MAY DAY EVE

The old people had ordered that the dancing should stop at ten o’clock but it was almost midnight before the carriages came filing up to the front door, the servants running to and fro with torches to light the departing guests, while the girls who were staying were promptly herded upstairs to the bedrooms, the young men gathering around to wish them a good night and lamenting their ascent with mock sighs and moanings, proclaiming themselves disconsolate but straightway going off to finish the punch and the brandy though they were quite drunk already and simply bursting with wild spirits, merriment, arrogance, and audacity, for they were young bucks newly arrived from Europe; the ball had been in their honor; and they had waltzed and polka-ed and bragged and swaggered and flirted all night and were in no mood to sleep yet—no, caramba, not on this moist tropic eve! Not on this mystic May eve!—with the night still young and so seductive that it was madness not to go out, not to go forth—and serenade the neighbors! cried one; and swim in the Pasig! cried another; and gather fireflies! cried a third—whereupon there arose a great clamor for coats and capes, for hats and canes and they were presently stumbling out among the medieval shadows of the foul street where a couple of street lamps flickered and a last carriage rattled away upon the cobbles while the blind black houses muttered hush-hush, their tiled roofs looming like sinister chessboards against a wild sky murky with clouds, save where an evil young moon prowled about in a corner or where a murderous wind whirled, whistling and whining, smelling now of the sea and now of the summer orchards and wafting unbearable childhood fragrances of ripe guavas to the young men trooping so uproariously down the street that the girls who were disrobing upstairs in the bedrooms scattered screaming to the windows, crowded giggling at the windows, but were soon sighing amorously over those young men bawling below; over those wicked young men and their handsome apparel, their proud flashing eyes, and their elegant mustaches so black and vivid in the moonlight that the girls were quite ravished with love, and began crying to one another how carefree were men but how awful to be a girl and what a horrid, horrid world it was, till old Anastasia plucked them off by the ear or the pigtail and chased them off to bed—while from up the street came the clackety-clack of the watchman’s boots on the cobbles, and the clang-clang of his lantern against his knee, and the mighty roll of his great voice booming through the night: “Guardia sereno-o-o! A las doce han dado-o-o!”

And it was May again, said the old Anastasia. It was the first day of May and witches were abroad in the night, she said—for it was a night of divination, a night of lovers, and those who cared might peer in a mirror and would there behold the face of whoever it was they were fated to marry, said the old Anastasia as she hobbled about picking up the piled crinolines and folding up shawls and raking slippers to a corner while the girls climbing into the four great poster beds that overwhelmed the room began shrieking with terror, scrambling over each other and imploring the old woman not to frighten them.

“Enough, enough, Anastasia! We want to sleep!”

“Go scare the boys instead, you old witch!”

“She is not a witch, she is a maga. She was born on Christmas Eve!”

“St. Anastasia, virgin and martyr.”

“Huh? Impossible! She has conquered seven husbands! Are you a virgin, Anastasia?”

“No, but I am seven times a martyr because of you girls!”

“Let her prophesy, let her prophesy! Whom will I marry, old gypsy? Come, tell me.”

“You may learn in a mirror if you are not afraid.”

“I am not afraid, I will go!” cried the young cousin Agueda, jumping up in bed.

“Girls, girls—we are making too much noise! My mother will hear and will come and pinch us all. Agueda, lie down! And you, Anastasia, I command you to shut your mouth and go away!”

“Your mother told me to stay here all night, my grand lady!”

“And I will not lie down!” cried the rebellious Agueda, leaping to the floor. “Stay, old woman. Tell me what I have to do.”

“Tell her! Tell her!” chimed the other girls.

The old woman dropped the clothes she had gathered and approached and fixed her eyes on the girl. “You must take a candle,” she instructed, “and go into a room that is dark and that has a mirror in it and you must be alone in the room. Go up to the mirror and close your eyes and say:

Mirror, mirror,

show to me

him whose woman

I will be.

If all goes right, just above your left shoulder will appear the face of the man you will marry.”

A silence. Then: “And what if all does not go right?” asked Agueda.

“Ah, then the Lord have mercy on you!”

“Why?”

“Because you may see—the Devil!”

The girls screamed and clutched one another, shivering.

“But what nonsense!” cried Agueda. “This is the year 1847. There are no devils anymore!” Nevertheless she had turned pale. “But where could I go, huh? Yes, I know! Down to the sala. It has that big mirror and no one is there now.”

“No, Agueda, no! It is a mortal sin! You will see the devil!”

“I do not care! I am not afraid! I will go!”

“Oh, you wicked girl! Oh, you mad girl!”

“If you do not come back to bed, Agueda, I will call my mother.”

“And if you do I will tell her who came to visit you at the convent last March. Come, old woman—give me that candle. I go.”

“Oh, girls—come and stop her! Take hold of her! Block the door!”

But Agueda had already slipped outside; was already tip-toeing across the hall; her feet bare and her dark hair falling down her shoulders and streaming in the wind as she fled down the stairs, the lighted candle sputtering in one hand while with the other she pulled up her white gown from her ankles.

She paused breathless in the doorway to the sala and her heart failed her. She tried to imagine the room filled again with lights, laughter, whirling couples, and the jolly jerky music of the fiddlers. But, oh, it was a dark den, a weird cavern, for the windows had been closed and the furniture stacked up against the walls. She crossed herself and stepped inside.

The mirror hung on the wall before her; a big antique mirror with a gold frame carved into leaves and flowers and mysterious curlicues. She saw herself approaching fearfully in it: a small white ghost that the darkness bodied forth—but not willingly, not completely, for her eyes and hair were so dark that the face approaching in the mirror seemed only a mask that floated forward; a bright mask with two holes gaping in it, blown forward by the white cloud of her gown. But when she stood before the mirror she lifted the candle level with her chin and the dead mask bloomed into her living face.

She closed her eyes and whispered the incantation. When she had finished such a terror took hold of her that she felt unable to move, unable to open her eyes, and thought she would stand there forever, enchanted. But she heard a step behind her, and a smothered giggle, and instantly opened her eyes.

[bonbonly]

pairing: charles leclerc x f!reader ; tw: rough sex, lots of degrading

sugardaddy!charles leclerc just sent you a whopping check of 5 grand. he doesn't really say much to you during the day, but during the night he always demands that you call him right before you go to bed. he wants to hear your sweet voice. if he's having a good day, he'll ask you how your day went, what exciting things you did. his french accent's sounds like honey in your ears, and his little chuckle gets you all tipsy right before you sleep. if he's having a bad day, though? prepare to spend the entire night with your fingers in your cunt, and he's on FaceTime, making sure you don't cum without his permission. he wants to see you beg for him, to have him be your sole attention. your mind should only be on him and nothing else. who gave a fuck about your class tomorrow? for fuck's sake, he's paying your tuition to even attend those classes!

on one particular day when you're leaving class, he surprisingly texts you and asks if he can drop by your university. it's been a few weeks since he's last seen you. he has some gifts for you and he's planned to take you to some fancy restaurant.

your foolish self leaves him on read because your friends offered to finally take you to this concert, their brothers were also tagging along. and who doesn't love to ogle at their friend's hot brother? so not only did you leave him on read and ignore all his plans, you also forgot to call him right before you went to bed... which was at around 5 am in the morning after your friends and you partied the whole night. you might've also gave one of the boys a very sloppy blowjob in secret, but you were drunk and having fun, it didn't matter!

when you wake up the next morning, you realize what happened and in absolute fear of incurring his wrath, you don't call or text charles at all for the entire week. you didn't want to deal with him at the moment, you cared for him a lot of course you did! but you figured he'd let it slide in a week. he likes to text you a simple "sweet dreams mon ange" right before bed no matter what mood he was in; surely he'd get over it, right?

but then, this semester's housing hasn't been paid yet. charles was always on top of his game, he'd never wait until the deadline to pay. you figure that he must've forgot, so you call him but he's sent you straight to voicemail. with a frown, you hop into your car (a porsche 718 boxster that charles generously bought for you one night) and drive over to where he lives. you haven't seen your sugar daddy for a whole month now! you skip over to his front door, knocking eagerly because you desperately wanted to know why he didn't pay your housing.

you barely have time to speak because as soon as he opens that door, he's grabbing your arm and throwing you onto a sofa in the living room.

"oh i should've known you would be running to me as soon as i didn't pay one thing, pute" he snarls, and you're frowning at him. oh you made such a big mistake ignoring him for what? a month now?

"i go out of my way to buy you that car, to buy you expensive clothes... i pay for your tuition and housing, i pay for everything and yet you don't bother to notice me? i'm done, get out of my sight!" he yells, and you're scrambling to latch onto his feet,

"wait, wait, no, please! charles!" you notice his eyebrow raise at you in a condescending manner and you gulp, "mr. leclerc, i mean. please, please, i was just worried you'd get mad the first day when I ignored your text! i didn't mean for it to get out of hand!"

charles isn't convinced one bit, he's staring at you in frustration as a hand runs over his face. he snaps his fingers, gesturing for you to get up on your feet, "i don't think i can accept your words, you've destroyed my-"

"i'll suck your cock!" you blurt out, getting on your knees immediately. and he's chuckling darkly at your words, his hand rubbing the back of his neck as his other hand cups your chin to look up at him, his thumb running across your bottom lip,

"i could spend fortunes on your education, and the only thing you'd know is to please my cock, isn't that right ma chérie?" there's still an edge in his tone, but he sighs out loud, "i don't want your mouth, no i want your pussy, get up and head to my bedroom."

and you do so because you have your own selfish reasons, to be honest. you need him to pay for housing, you didn't want to end up living on the streets!

but as he's fucking you, his pace brutal and unforgiving, he never once mentions his deal to pay. he has your hair in a tight makeshift ponytail, watching your ass bounce with each thrust as his other hand is rubbing on your clit. you're cumming for the umpteenth time, bedsheets soaked with your sweat and juice. he has no signs of stopping, no he's going to have his fill after a month of not seeing you. your ass is red from all the spanking, you can hardly lay on your back because it's so bruised! your voice is hoarse from all your screaming, but he did offer you his cum to soothe the pain in your throat!

your hands are grabbing the sheets below you, sobbing uncontrollably as he's relentless. he's saying the vilest things above you as his hand now wraps around your throat,

"you're such a slut. maybe i should stop calling you mon ange, no you are far from angel. far from it. i bet you'd spread your legs for anyone you see, hm?"

you're shaking your head, telling him that he's the only man you ever think about the only man you ever wanted!

"don't fucking lie to me, i know what you did with those boys at the concert," and now you're confused as to how he even knew about that! he's shaking his head with a laugh as he watches you glance over your shoulder to look at him, "i should punish you harder for even thinking about sinking that mouth of yours onto another man - no - boy's cock, you whore. you just can't live without someone's cock inside you, can't you?"

"here's what's going to happen, you're going to talk to your housing and talk about cancelling for the term," his thrusts become harsher, and you're silently screaming at how good he feels, "i'm not paying for housing anymore. no, you're staying with me from now on. i can't trust you anymore, you'll throw yourself onto any man you see. you'll stay with me and every night before you go to bed, you're going to take my cock like the good little slut that you are, understood?"

you nod your head, milking his cock once more as he's filling you up with ropes of his cum. he groans out loud, head dipping to see your spent body. after he cleans you up, he has you sleep with him for the night, one arm around your waist as he pulls you closer to his frame. he inhales your smell, nuzzling into your neck; he could surely get used to do this now.

[petew21-blog]

Friends with benefits

Two long time friends Trent and Brett. A classic story. Met in kindergarten and have been friends since. Grew up together. Spent their holidays together. Graduated together. But then stopped seeing each other as often. Why? Because adult life ain't easy. Brett had to find a job while Trent got into college, graduated and on top of that became a fitness influencer. Brett started his Twitch account and became a gamer, which he had time for, cause how he was constantly doing a different job, depending on what he could find. But both of them always took some time off for a beer with their buddy.

This is Trent

Although he doesn't appear like that, he is a 24 year old male with young looks

On the other hand Brett is also young, but his looks are a bit more mature. Maybe it's because of all the hair

This is Brett

So hairy.

Normal guys, right? Well something was about to change very soon

Friday, August 2nd, 5 PM

Brett:"Hey, dude. Wanna grab a beer later tonight?"

Trent:"Yeah, sure. I am down. Is 8:30 ok? I gotta finish a video"

Brett:"Oh yeah, totally fine. See you then"

Friday, August 2nd, sports bar, 8:33 PM

At the bar Brett waits patiently, only his leg is slightly shaking. Trent comes in through the door. It's kinda funny, cause Trent used to be really insecure and not confident. Now he looks basically like a god. But still, he has this cute shy looking guy whose face doesnt match his body and the fact that he's 24. Brett was kinds jealous, most of the people that didn't know him always thought he was older because of his looks. Trent had the opposite problem. Always had to show ID whenever he went. Yet Brett was probably more jealous about his life in general. He finished school, took great care of his body, which now could help him hook up with anyone he would set his mind to.

Brett:"Hey, maaaan. How are you doing?"

Trent:"Heyyy. Yeah good. You know, single influencer life, haha"

Brett:"The ladies must be driving you crazy"

Trent:"If only it were just ladies. Haha. You should see the messages some of these gay dudes keep sending me. It's insane"

Brett:"You tell me. They always send random shits to my chats while playing. But it's mostly dumb kids."

Trent:"I think we should find you a date for tonight"

Brett:"Nahhh, fuck it. I'm not in the mood. I just wanna chat with my bro."

After a few beers

Brett:"Shut up, you did not!"

Trent:"I swear. She came on to me without a word."

Brett:"So what did you do?"

Trent:"You think I put up a fight? Haha"

Brett:"Maaaan. I want this stuff to happen to me to. That's so hot"

Trent:"Come with me to the gym then, I bet more chicks woukd be into you if you would gain some muscles"

Brett:"You calling me fat?"

Trent:"No, just saying that all that body hair would be good to match with a good body. You're just a walking gorilla right now"

Brett:"Oh shut up twink! Haha"

They finished their drinks, said their goodbyes and went home.

Brett felt amazing. He really needed to get a beer with his best friend. He came back home, sat behind his computer and searched Dark web. He already knew what he was looking for. He wanted to mess with Trent. Just a another one of his pranks. All he needed was Trent's personal item. He found the body swapping website. He read the rules and conditions and filled out his and Trents name. The only next step he had to follow was to go to sleep. And so he did. Only taking off his shirt in the process and collapsing on the bed. Not even brushing his teeth

Brett woke up feeling better than ever. He was used to have a hangover by now, but today he felt great. He opened his eyes and immediately noticed the different sheets. He looked around. This is Trent's place.

Brett:"Trent?" he said, but he heard Trent's voice.

He turned around to get up

His body. He has a different body

Brett:"Holy shit. It worked" he said amused. He looked down at his now soft chest. He got up

Brett:"Oh wow. getting up is so different when you have these hard muscles"

He went to the nearest mirror. And there he was. Trent in his glory. Brett was so happy right now. His prank worked. He is now inside of his best friends body. And the pranks probably won't stop there. Now he can mess with him all he wants. But not now.

He looked from top to bottom how tall and slim his body was. "Almost no hair anywhere. Lucky guy"

He took Trent's phone and snapped a photo to send it to Trent in his body. He knew it would take a while for Trent to wake up so he proceeded in his exploration.

He felt his curly hair. "How come you don't even have widow's peak? So unfair" He traced his jawline, now with tiny baby hair that Brett wouldn't even call a beard. But his sight was now caught by those nice Calvin Klein's. He looked around as if there was someone in the room with him who would judge him. He pulled on the waistband

Brett:"Just as I thought. Also shaved" he grabbed his new dick, that was getting harder and harder by the second, when suddenly his phone received a notification. he let go of his dick

It was Trent. Brett:"Haha, this is gonna be good"

There was a photo of Brett's body, observing his hairy armpits in shock

Trent in Brett's body:"Hey. Got any idea why I am a gorilla now? And why that gorilla looks exactly like you?"

Brett:"Surpriseee. And fuck you"

Trent:"So this is your doing?"

Brett:"Yeah, I kinda wanted to prank you somehow for all the pranks and the gorilla jokes. Joke's on you ape man"

Trent:"Fuck you. So this is reversible?"

Brett:"Sure, man. No worries. We'll meet tonight at the bar again and chat how our day went?"

Trent:"I don't know how to feel about this, bro"

Brett:"Just try enjoying being another person"

Trent:"Do you realise there are some no go things including intimate stuff and hygiene?"

Brett:"Sure I do. I'm already holding your dick in YOUR hands right now"

Trent:"Dude! Not cool. I meant more stuff like shitting etc. But yeah, this too."

Brett:"I gotta say Trent. You have a very nice dick"

Trent:"I'll comment on your size when I find it in the bushes I guess. Have you never heard of trimming?"

Brett:"Keeping it natural, baby face"

Trent:"Fine, let's see each other tonight at 8, ok?"

Brett:"Enjoyyy" Hangs up

Trent:"Jesus, this guy. I hope he doesn't fuck up something or someone"

Starts observing himself. "I must say, It feels good to look like a mature man and not a teenager. All of this hair. And the moustache is hot too. I could never grow this thing"

Trent looked down and had a mischievous thought. "Well, Brett. Since you have already held my dick, I think it's time to step it up. Gonna see if you can last longer than I do" Trent said with a smile and whipped out his new hard hairy dick

Saturday August the 3rd, bar, 8:04 PM

Brett is sitting amused in the bar, eating chips on the table and drinking beer. Winking at the ladies looking at his direction.

A waitress came by his table:"Want another?"

Brett noticed his old incoming body:"Sure, and another one for my friend who just arrived. Thank you, sweetheart" he said as his flirtatious look almost seduced the local waitress

Trent:"You need to stop!"

Brett:"What? I was just flirting"

Trent:"Not that. Stop eating those chips. God knows how many calories you ate already"

Brett:"So you don't mind that I was flirting with her?"

Trent:"Nah, I don't care. I jerked off your dick for like the fifth time half an hour ago"

Brett:"What? You beast. I would have never expected that. Cool. You have a really good dick to jerk off too. I didn't expect to shoot so far tho. Made a bit of a mess"

A couple off bikers started eavesdropping to their conversation and turning heads

Trent:"You might want to quiet down, or we're gonna get beaten up for mistakenly speaking like gay guys"

Brett:"But you gotta admit that my body is not so bad, right? All the hair and everything. You like it"

Trent:"It's not bad, but I prefer being in my own body. I'm used to it."

Brett:"Ok, I'll pretend I didn't hear the part before about masturbation. But what do you say? We didn't even have enough time to see what the life is like in our new bodies. It's only been a day"

Trent:"And your point is?"

Brett:"Let's stay swapped for a while. We can swap back anytime we want. It's reversible. We know almost everything about each other, so pretending to be the other one will be easy. You'll just teach me your workout routine, I'll show you... what games to play and how to set up a livestream and we'll figure it out"

Trent:"Livestream? That's all you got?"

Brett:"Come on, man. We got nothing to loose"

Trent:"I don't know man. It's gonna be complicated. I agreed to leave for a few weeks to work at one of our gym branches in another city. And now you'll be the one that has to go. I think now is not the best time"

Brett:"So? I can update you about everything. We can chat all the time. We can call. And I got nothing to do. Actually, you might need to find some job for those few weeks. And there's never gonna be a better time then now. We're single, ready to mingle. So let's enjoy that month"

Trent:"You wanna stay swapped the whole tíme I'm gone?"

Brett:"Yeah, I'll be a fitness instructor/viral star and you'll ne enjoying my chill life"

Trent:"Chill life. Man, you won't even recognise your life when we'll swap back"

Brett:"So you agree?"

Trent:"Yeah, what the hell. I'll be a gorilla for a month"

Brett:"Deal. Now, let's see if you'll have a better game in finding a hookup then me"

Sunday, August 4th

Brett sends a text to Trent:"Why do I feel like my body still hasn't gone through puberty?"

Trent:"Piss off. Yours looks like it went trough yours several times."

Brett:"Nah, gotta be honest. I'm really enjoying this lean figure and hairless body"

Trent:"And my dick..."

Brett:"Haha, yeah and your dick. How are you doing in my body?"

Trent:"Feels pretty weird to be so hairy, but gotta admit it's a nice change. Like... feeling so manly"

Brett:"Yeah, but tip for that hairy stomach. Don't cum on it. It's really irritating to get cum from it"

Trent:"Never had the issue in my body, so yeah. Thanks for the tip"

Brett:"No problem. I had to try it out in yours haha"

Trent:"Doesn't this feel kinda gay to you? All the dick and jerk off talk. Appreciating each other's bodies"

Brett:"Nah. We're exploring, man. Who knows if we ever get that chance. Gotta enjoy it"

Wednesday August 7th

Trent:"How are you settling in?"

Brett:"Yeah. Pretty great. I just jerked off to some porn"

Trent:"Ew. I mean the appartement"

Brett:"Whooops. Sorry. Right. Yeah it's nice. Very clean. Very modern"

Trent:"It's yours only for a month so don't destroy anything there"

Brett:"It's kinda poetic right. New appartement, new body, new job"

Trent:"I don't see anything poetic about me playing games in front of a camera"

Brett;"Dude you have to. My fans are gonna wonder what happened to me"

Trent:"Fine. I'll log in tonight. By the way. Dude your feet smell so much when you work out."

Brett:"Work out? You took my body to the gym?

Trent:"Yeah. I had to show off these bushes somewhere, right?"

Brett:"Ahhh thanks man. Looking good"

Trent:"And I think oke girl was checking you... me out"

Brett:"If you can score than go for it. I'm actually late for a date. Or... how do you call it if you're just gonna have dinner and fuck?"

Trent:"Standard hook up man. Please be safe. Wear a condom. And watch our foe those carbs, man."

Brett:"Sure thing, bye"

Monday, August 12 th

Brett:"Dude do you like ever have to shave your face?"

Trent:"Sure I do. I just don't have to do it so often as you. Btw can I please shave off this moustache?"

Brett:"Absolutely not. You'll learn to love it and appreciate it. Just like I will your baby face"

Saturday, August 17th

Brett:"I have to admit I really love showing off your muscles man. I have been doing it constantly at every occassion. So many people turn their heads to take a peak"

Trent:"Yeah I get it. It helps with the confidence a bit"

Brett:"A bit? I feel like I can beat any fucker whk crosses me"

Trent:"Brett, please don't beat anyone in my body"

Brett:"Just kidding, man. How have you been"

Trent:"Well I tried being consistent with the gym. I think your body is doing pretty well"

Brett:"Daaaamn bro. I look good. You really do take care of my body really well"

Trent:"I was actually thinking I could offer this for money. Swapping with people, doing their routines and then swap back. But that's a talk for another time after we swap back"

Brett:"Yeha, sure. Cool idea. Anyway... how was the streaming?"

Trent:"I don't know, man. I think they are desperste for me to say your catchphrases, but they are so cringe."

Brett:"Nah, you have to do that. That's how you get into Tiktoks and become viral"

Trent:"Honestly. I can't wait to get back to my body and to my life back. So we will swap on September 2nd?

Brett:"Yeah. I suppose. Depends how the work will be etc. Anyway I gotta go man. Talk soon"

Trent to himself:"It feels like he's avoiding me with amswering more and more. Trent rubbed his hairy chest, recalling his sweet soft pecs that he missed.

Thursday, August 22nd

Trent:"Hey, man. How is it going?"

Friday, August 23rd

Trent:"Hey. I just wanna know if you're ok. I just wanna talk about the reversal."

Saturday:"please call me back as soon as possible"

Sunday, August 25th

Brett:"I'm ok"

Trent:"What the hell happened?"

Brett:"Nothing I just felt like I needed a break from phone and that stuff"

Trent:"Brett you didn't answer the phone for 4 days"

Brett:"Ok, I was avoiding you, cause I kinda fucked up and was afraid to tell you"

Trent:'What did you do? Is my body ok?"

Brett:"Yeah your body is unharmed. Nothing that bad. We just had a party in the appartement. Broke the TV and... I had unprotected sex with one girl. She didn't know if she was pregnant or not. So I was waiting. And congrats. You're not gonna be a dad"

Trent:"Brett..."

Brett:"I know. I'm so sorry. Won't happen again. Promise. I just got drunk once and it led to this. I'll be good now"

Trent:"Please, don't do anything anymore. I want to switch back"

Brett:"Nah man. We still gotta week to finish. You said until September 2nd."

Trent:"I didn't know you'd do something like this"

Brett:"Please Trent. I'm begging you. Just that one week"

Trent:"Fine. But don't do anything else!"

Sunday, September 1st

Brett:"Hey. Are you packed yet?"

Trent:"Hey. Not really. I planned on packing tommorow. You can come and help if you got time"

Brett:"Sure. I'll come by"

Monday, September 2nd

Trent arrives to the appartement. Brett is on the couch playing video games

The TV is new and there is a PlayStation on the table

Trent:"You didn't tell me you got back into gaming and that you bought all this."

Brett:"Yeha, I missed it. I thought to myself that you'd like it too. So I bought it. By the way. You should see how the fans dig it"

Trent:"Fans? You're live streaming in my body?"

Brett:"Yeah. The gamers are so into it when I'm flexing in the spare time. I even got a viral Tiktok already!"

Trent:"I think we should swap back, Brett. My life is out of your control now."

Brett:"I'm just using all the goods, man. You don't like my body anymore?"

Trent:"Stop changing the subject. I want to swap back"

Brett:"Ok... but on one condition"

Trent:"You want money?"

Brett;"Nah I want to have sex with my body. I want to have sex with you."

Trent:"You have lost your mind"

Brett:"Oh come on. Admit it, that you thought about it. Who gets the chance to fuck their body? To watch their body in the most animalistic moments from somebody else eyes?" Brett flexes his biceps to let Brett watch

Trent:"Brett..."

Brett stands up and goes towards Trent

Brett:"You know you want to kids thus face. To suck this hard dick" he says holding tightly his hardening bulge

Trent:"I... I do. I want to suck my dick"

Brett:"Atta boy"

They begin making out. The fast movements heading towards the bedroom could be described as chaotic, but for them it was a dance of passion. Brett was ripping his old clothes from his old body was all over his body, kissing his neck. Sucking each part of his skin

The kissed even more

Brett began to be more dominant. He gripped Trent's now receding hairline and pushed him down to suck his dick. Trent was choking. But did his best to swallow most of the shaft he now had. He had his dick in his mouth. He couldn't believe it. He is straight and he is sure of that. But this is absolutely different

Brett took his old body by the neck, choking him. "Say you love being in my body"

Trent:"Brett I can't breathe"

Brett:"Fine, let's do this the hard way"

He turned him around. Trent now on all fours. He knew what was coming, but he wasn't ready

Brett spit in his hand and spread it all over the head od his dick. Ready to penetrate his old hairy hole

Trent:"Brett wait... I... Ahhhhhhhh". Trent screamed in pain

Brett:"Yeah. Sorry about that. I'm just so horny. I love your body, Trent. I love every inch od it. Admit you like mine"

Trent:"Brett, please slow down"

Brett:"Naaah, you'll get used to it in a sex"

Trent:"Please, get lube or something"

Brett spit again to where his dick was penetrating Trent's ass. Brett:"Should do it"

Trent was still in pain, but now a new feeling was making him feel better. The pain was now... pleasant? He wanted to feel more. With every thrust from Brett. He felt like shitting himself and cumming at the same time

Brett:"Admit it. Admit you love being in my body" he sped up. Thrusting painfully.

Trent:"Yeah.... yes..."

Brett:"Louder"

Trent:"I do... I love your body. I love being you"

Brett:"Ahhhh. I'm gonna cum. Turn around. I want to cum on your chest"

Trent turned around. He could feel cum leaking from his dick. And now he saw his old face like he never did before. Brett was so into it. His face was full of lust, rage and mischief.

Brett:"Ahhhh. I'm cumming!"

The cum shot all over Trent. Not only on his chest, but also on his mouth and face

Trent watched in awe what just happened.

Brett:"Whew. That was a ride wasn't it? First gay sex. Am I right?"

Trent:"Brett... I?"

Brett:"Oh sorry. I have to catch my breath. You look so funny with my cum all over you. Haha. By the way. I'm glad you love your new body. You get to keep it"

Trent:"Brett, you said we would swap"

Brett:"Yeah I did. That's true. But after this little 'cum over your face' and 'dick in your ass' we made it permanent"

Trent watched in shock as his old body was still standing on top of him. Breathing rapidly and laughing.

Several months later

Hi my name is Brett. Welcome to my only fans channel. If you got any hairy request, hit me up

Brett in Trent's body:"Well this is just pathetic. Man, I knew you'd crumble. But this just seems you lost your mind"

Trent's massive colleague came next to him:"Hey, bro. What are you looking at?"

Brett:"Just looking how one of my friends threw away their life, kinda sad. But whatever. Their life, not mine"

Friend:"Hey, wanna grab a beer later this evening?"

Brett scanned his friend from top to bottom and smiled:"Sure thing. Be there at eight"

Brett thought about switching it up a little. That body would be amazing. But then he turned around and looked at himself in the mirror. And flexed

Brett:"Nah. I'm Trent. And I'm keeping this body"

A request from messages (another one who waited for a LONG time, sorry guys) for @swappwas

Hope you like it :)

P.S. written late at night on a phone with a very irritating autocorrect, so please excuse the mistakes

[softsunnyy]

Its criminal that I'm not cuddling Luke rn (esp after the devils loss :( )

What I wouldnt give to just lay on his chest and listen to his heart while some mindless movie plays in the back

-🐥

no bc it took me way too long to finish writing this, but i really feel like it healed a part of my soul.

jesus, what i wouldn't give to see my sweet boy and tell him how well he did and how proud i am while i play with his curls. *Sigh*

anyway, those thoughts got me distracted while i was writing this, so if it doesn't make much sense, I'M SORRY.

your heart aches so much. It hurts to see Luke so stressed, trying to contain his frustration so he wouldn't take it out on you.

you still remember how you stopped breathing when you saw his body inside the net. It's like the world had stopped moving. Your ears were blocked, you couldn't even blink. You watched him get up, skate, leave, and come back, but your mind kept thinking about his pained expression, different from when the puck hit him, and different from the time he thought he'd injured his wrist. It's like he knows this is different. More serious.

and you wanted to run to see him, but your friends by your side stopped you, hugged you, tried to comfort you, to calm you, but their arms felt cold. Not like Luke's. So they didn't succeed, and you had to hold back your desire to go to him.

now you're living the results of that day, with Luke unable to play, having to watch games from home or going to the arena. And it's hard—it's so hard—because you can see on his face how much he wants to be there, helping his team and trying to make a difference.

you see him run a hand through his hair every five minutes, then slap his thigh when a play isn't going his way. His leg bounces up and down in anxiety, and you see him nervously bite his lip; a habit he'd lost a while ago with your help.

and you wanna help him, to do more than just rub his back or rest your head on his good shoulder. You wanna give him the world, heal his body, give him back the ability to play an entire game without tearing his shoulder apart, but you can't, and it makes you feel so frustrated and useless.

and Jack tries to help you, god, even Quinn. You know they've talked to him, trying to guide him through these days where things feel so heavy, where everyone feels guilt and frustration. But nothing works, you can see it. You see it in his tense shoulders, his clenched jaw, and his white knuckles. You see it even when he sleeps, having constant nightmares, tensing his body so much that the next day it hurts even more.

and so the days go by, and with them, the games too, until game 5 arrives, in Carolina, which means you two will have to watch it from home.

that day, your hands are shaking; you're nervous, so anxious. You want the team to succeed, not only because you know them and all the effort they've put in to get where they are, but also for Luke's sake. Because you know a loss will break him completely, and you don't think you can handle that.

when the game starts, the mood is excellent and the lead makes Luke smile, proud. But as it continues and the lead is lost, your sweet boyfriend returns to his serious, worried expression. And he's so attentive, analyzing every play, thinking about everything he would do differently, and all the mistakes they're making.

this time, he's too quiet, too tense. He doesn't even complain quietly when a penalty isn't called, and that makes you play with your fingers, unsure.

when the game extends to the first OT, you feel like you're gonna die, like you're gonna have a heart attack. And during the intermission, neither of you gets up from the couch. You don't even speak, both staring at the tv, trying to make the seconds pass faster.

it's in the second OT that things get more serious. And you wanna bite your nails, stretch your legs, anything, but instead you just stay still, staring at your boyfriend's back, who hasn't moved.

when that penalty is called, you feel a pain in your stomach, a hole in your chest. You have a bad feeling and you hope it doesn't happen. But when Aho scores the goal, the one that gives Carolina the win, you know that's what you felt.

the air became more tense, heavier. There's a loud silence, and you can see his eyes fill with tears in seconds. Tears that soon begin to slide down his cheeks as his hands try to dry them. And you see how he trembles, how he can't stop, so you decide to hug him.

Luke, who's usually so big, strong, confident. Who's usually the one who wraps his arms around you to make you feel safe. Who's always there to pick up your broken pieces and put them back together. That Luke threw himself into your arms, crying, his shoulders shaking with his small sobs.

you've never seen him like this, with his face buried in your chest, trying to hold onto your shirt. He's desperate, and you can only hold him in your arms, trying to give him the same warmth he always gives you.

and you try not to burst into tears when you hear him, when you see him reach his breaking point, finally exploding and letting out all the frustration he's been bottling up for so long.

you've seen his struggle, you've listened to him talk for hours about strategies and plans; about things he learned in practice or advice he's received from other professionals. You've seen his eyes light up differently when he thought about making the playoffs, and how everyone talked about him for a moment, about the Hughes who could be a hero this time.

you've been there every day, and you've seen him through both good times and bad, but you've never seen him like this, so hopeless, guilty, frustrated. Thousands of things are running through his head, thousands of images of moments that could have been different.

Luke has spent day and night wishing he'd moved in a different direction, at a different speed. God, wishing he'd been more careful.

he's spent days avoiding the media, the people who want to ask him about his health. He knows they'll ask him about that moment, and that they'll make him replay it, relive it in his head, and he can't do that, not again, not now.

so when Carolina wins, it was like a stab in Luke's chest, right where his guilt had been growing, making him suddenly feel like the world is about to end. Even though he knows it isn't. Even though he knows he'll be calmer in a few hours.

and you both know he has the right to feel bad now, after a cursed season, filled with injuries, effort, and people doubting them. Luke Hughes has the right to feel bad for once.

so you give him his space. You don't even know how many minutes have passed, but you can feel his breathing calming slightly, and his sobs slowly stopping, until finally his body stops being so tense and he decides to lift his head to look at you.

his red, swollen, and irritated eyes; his red nose; his bitten lips; and a look of pure and complete sadness. That's what you see in him at first. But you can also see the exhaustion, the guilt, and a little relief that at least this torture is over.

“you wanna go to bed, Lu? you don’t have to stay and watch the rest,” you reassured him, and though he seemed to hesitate for a moment, he finally nodded, silently moving away from your body so you could get up, turn off the tv, and extend a hand to help him up.

together, you walk to the bedroom, your steps slow and heavy, heavy with emotion. When you reach the bed, you think about lying down first, but he beats you to it, and you know that for today he needs to feel covered by you, by your warmth, to feel safe. So you lie down, your head on his chest and his arms immediately around you.

there was a moment of silence, where you both tried to gather your thoughts, not knowing what to say to each other, what to do, until you finally decided to speak.

"you know, this isn't your fault, Lu," you began, in a low, gentle tone, one of your hands caressing his chest. He sighs, staring up at the ceiling. "I know everything is so frustrating right now, but this wasn't your fault, Lu, and you don't have to take all the blame."

he knows you're right, and he knows that if he has to open up to someone, it's better if it's you, so he started talking for the first time in a while.

“i know, it’s just…” he sighed, “all i can think about is the things i would have done differently. What i would have done to be able to be there, to help in any way i could. We worked so hard…” his voice broke a little at that point, so he cleared his throat, closing his eyes for a moment to hold back the tears. “We tried so hard, when they stopped taking us seriously, when they thought that without Jack, we were lost…” he frowned at that thought, and you could feel his body tense, so you placed a couple of silent kisses on his chest, bringing him back to reality, making him relax a little. “We worked and worked to be better, to not repeat the mistakes from last time, but we kept coming back to the same thing, and it feels like everyone was right, and it’s so fucking unfair.”

you know that, of course you do. You spent days and days raging at the people in the media, at the commentators who kept showing the video of Jack's injury, talking about how essential he is to the team, and implying that without him it would be incredibly difficult for them to make it. Because of course, you know how important your boyfriend's brother is, but you couldn't understand why they were comparing them too. Why, when they talked about Luke, they had to compare him to Jack, or attribute his incredible talent and performance to his brother's absence. You couldn't understand it, and even though you tried to keep your anger at bay, now you know it also reached your sweet boy, and of course it got trapped in his mind.

it frustrates you so much to know that he thinks about it, maybe even constantly, and to know that right now it torments him, so you lift your head slightly, making him look at you, straight in the eyes, with a small pout on his lips.

“Luke, they’ll never be right,” you started, and your boyfriend could only listen, feeling how determined you were in your tone of voice. “It was a rough season, but the injuries and the struggles... hell, none of that is anything you guys could really control, and yet you pushed through, and you battled, and you dared to give it your all in these playoffs, even if it meant stretching this last game to two overtimes. You had everyone wondering what was going to happen because no one put up a bigger fight than you guys. And it sucks that you couldn’t be there now, but no one can ever question all the hard work you’ve put in because you’ve been the best for this team,” you said, sounding more and more annoyed, not at him, but at thinking about everything you’ve seen and heard.

and Luke listens. For the first time in these last few days, he really listens to you, feeling some warmth in his heart at how you defend him, even when no one's looking, and how you still feel proud despite the things that have happened. He feels grateful, even more in love, knowing that you're not judging him or making him feel worse, but that you're supporting him, lifting him up now when he needs it.

he looks at you with a very small smile, and when you realize it, you stop talking, realizing you'd started to vent, which made you blush a little, embarrassed.

"i´m sorry, but really, Lu, you were amazing, and even though you can't see it right now, you were so good, and you did so well. I need you to know that," you told him, this time in a calmer tone.

he feels things getting softer, and his head stops aching, his hands unconsciously beginning to caress you. You're calming him down, as you always do, with what he calls a superpower, but which is actually your ability to talk and say a thousand positive things about him without having to think about it too much.

he still feels frustrated and sad, but he listens to you talk about him, about his team, and it makes him feel calmer, accompanied. With you, he feels in a safe space, where he can vent and receive honest feedback. And although he knows his brothers tried too, with you it's different; this feels much better, much deeper, and then he understands that this is what he needed so much: to listen to you. To ask for your help.

so he lets you talk, to caress him, until after a while you both decide to rest and forget about tonight for a moment.

you let him choose a movie, and you see him put on one of his comforting choices, one of those he's seen a thousand times, but that always make him feel like he's in a safe and normal environment. And you know he won't pay any real attention, but the sound will keep him distracted for a while.

you rest your head on his chest again, and unlike before, you can feel his heartbeat much more relaxed, as it should be. His hand caresses your back, and then you allow yourself to sigh.

Luke isn't crying, and although his face still shows that he did, you know he feels better now. And these are going to be difficult days, you know it, but you also know that he's much more willing to talk about it with you, to stop being the tough Luke Hughes for a moment and be your sweet boy who sometimes also needs comfort and reassurance.

tomorrow he'll have time to continue worrying, to meet with the team, with the management, but now? he only needs you, so he clings to your body.

and he knows he can count on you, and that's why he feels like the luckiest person in the world. In your arms, he knows everything will be okay, so for tonight, he'll allow himself to forget everything.

thanks for being his safe space, is what he thinks before falling asleep

[nana-be]

Michael Kaiser xfem!reader

He is the one that always wins, you have no chance with him, even if you're the one right.

You were at the counter, trying to make your breakfast since it's really early in the morning. When Kaiser had got up from the bed it was nearly 4 am. He went for a run, some morning work out, and then he got back home. And he found you there, mixing yogurt and cereal like it was the most difficult thing in the world. He smiled, slowly walking in your direction.

"Good morning prinzessin"

He said it quietly while kissing your head. He was behind you, his hand already placed on your hips like they belonged there. But for you it wasn't a good morning, or this could be before Michael came home.

"Good morning pretty boy"

You yawned, pressing yourself against him. You craved his presence the whole morning - just an hour.

"I thought you were going to rest in bed a little bit more. It's too early for you".

His lips were lingering on your temple while talking, like a feather they brushed all your cheek before they finally left a kiss on your jaw. He was too gentle, his words were like a cuddle, reaching you like he was far, far away. You couldn't even understand why he was already home, you thought it was still 4 am. There was something strange in the air, but you were too sleepy to care about it. You just wanted him, so bad you leaned in his touch.

"I dunno, I wanted to stay with you. So I went changing but you had already left".

It was real, you just wanted to spend some time with your boyfriend, but it was impossible with his routine starting so early. Maybe you could have watch the sunrise together, but it would be impossible for you to stay awake before 7 am.

"That's why you're only wearing one of my T-shirts?".

He teased squeezing you a little bit more in his arms. You nodded, already sad because you knew Michael would have to leave in an hour. You took a spoon of your breakfast, it tasted so bad. Why in the heart you had used Kaiser greek yogurt, the one without sugar? You put the bowl away, like it offended all your family tree. You couldn't make it that morning, not like this. Luckily your boyfriend had already found a way to wake you up faster. You felt one of his hands narrow on your stomach till it got on your lace panties.

"Michael! What's wrong with you".

The moment you felt him you yelled while turning around. Your pace? Gone. Your sleep? Gone too. You were more than awake now.

"I thought you were wearing nothing since you didn't have your bra on. Just wanted to check".

A fucking grin on his face like he was amused by your reaction. He hadn't wanted to do anything indecent, or at least this wasn't his first intention. He just wanted to tease you.

"You're a fucking pervert" you tried to pull him away, placing hands on his chest "It's 4 in the morning, what the hell?".

But before he could be moved by you, he tightened his hold on you, forcing your body smashed together. Let's say you weren't in the mood for those kinds of things, you weren't even in the mood for jokes, not when you were too sleepy to understand it.

"I dunno, maybe I'm wrong, but the one almost naked in my kitchen that's been waiting for me for more than an hour is you, not me. And Liebe, it's actually 5 and half in the morning".

He whispered those words on your face, a breath away from it. How could someone be so wrong but also so right at the same time? You hated it, and hated him when he was so cocky. Being Kaiser would mean also be all of those things, and be the winning side. Those were like his super powers. So you could swear you hadn't done it on purpose, it was just that you didn't mind, but he would be right the same. Let's admit you didn't have an explanation for your sleepy action, but even if you did you would be the one wrong, just because you were dealing with Michael Kaiser.

"You can't blame me. I just wanted to spend some time with you, but you were gone without me. So I waited, and waited in your bedroom, but I was hungry and in your fridge everything is sugarless or protein and there is no chocolate and I want chocolate-" before you could annoy your boyfriend with your nonsense talk, he kissed your mouth. Finally there was silence. You let Michael calm you down. He lifted you up on the counter, kissing your forehead and looking at you in the eyes. Caressing lightly your thigh he started to talk.

"What a silly girlfriend. If you wanted my attention you could say it earlier. Now let's get both a shower, then you can come with me and watch my workout from the corner of the field while eating whatever you want. Would you be happy with this?".

You nodded, overwhelmed by his sweet talk, his touch all over your waist, your shoulder, your back. You hugged his neck and murmured something, but Micheal pretended he hadn't heard it.

"What? A little bit lauder Liebe".

"I said you're the best boyfriend ever".

"Why? You knew some other boyfriends beyond me?".

"Maybe, you know you're just my current boyfriend".

Oh, finally you were the one teasing now. Something had to change some way. But your boyfriend's face was so calm, like it was obvious that what you said wasn't possible.

"How pretty and stupid can you be? I'm your last boyfriend Klein. Don't forget it, ok?".

"We'll see".

You both smiled, but you weren't conscious about how much possessive Kaiser could be. He kissed you, hugged you, everything while filming the moment with his phone. Your face was not in the video, but the love you two exchanged was enough to let the word know how serious your relationship was.

When you saw Michael's stories on IG you wanted to die.

"How dare you post a video like this? I was almost naked on the counter of your kitchen".

"If you were naked I would never post it. But everything is covered by me and my shirt, even your big butt so-".

"Ok ok, understood. I'll let it stay, but just don't do this again".

"It'll depend. If you will say that I'm only a current boyfriend I'll need to demonstrate you're wrong, don't you think?".

"Pathetic".

"Yeah, why can't you just remember that I'll be your only lover for the rest of your life? So embarrassing".

"I was talking about you"

"Me too, what a coincidence"

"Hate you"

"I'm still the only one"

And the dialog could continue for ages, without a rest because of your attitude. Luckily you were already tired, or you would never let it go. And Michael? Well, he was just happy for the, very predictable, win.

[littlejuicebox]

My Sun, My Moon

Pairing: Spawn Astarion x GN!Reader/Tav Summary/Setting: 6 months post BG3 / Part 2 to my other fic Astarion talks in his sleep. Rating/Warnings: PG-13 / In game spoilers / Alludes to sexual encounters / Mentions of past trauma etc / Pretty much all fluff / It’s so sweet it’s going to rot your teeth Word Count: 2.3K Notes: This is 5/5 Days of "Star-mas!"

*takes a bow* Happy Holidays! Hope you all enjoyed!

I'm also entering this into the #BG3HolidayFluffle23 challenge under the prompt "twinkling lights."

Click here to see my master list.

-----

After Astarion’s sleep-talking gave away his little secret, you’d spent nearly every waking moment anticipating the rogue’s proposal. You were horribly, terribly wrong every time, of course. You began to think that perhaps your original assumptions were right, and that an engagement would come much later on. Maybe he wasn’t quite ready. Maybe he was just planning and thinking about the future… the frustratingly distant future. He’d ask the question when he was ready, you reasoned; in his own time and on his own terms. You could respect that.

But then, on the eve of the Netherbrain Battle’s six month anniversary, you came home to a dinner that Astarion had cooked (almost) entirely himself. Candles were lit, table settings were placed, and your lover chose an expensive wine pairing for the meal. His steak was, of course, entirely raw while yours was seasoned and cooked to perfection. You were certain you had Shadowheart to thank for your half of the meal, but you’d complimented your lover and all his efforts, nonetheless. At the end of dinner, you were quite confident that this would be the moment you’d been waiting weeks for.

“I have something to say.” Astarion murmured, lithe fingers rubbing circles on the back of your hand as he clasped it in his own.

You practically felt your soul leave your body in that moment. Oh gods, you knew what your answer would be, you knew this was coming, and yet here it was, and you were still wholly unprepared. You barely fumbled out a, “Y-yes, my love? What is it?”

“I read your mail.” Astarion responded, his eyes flooding full of guilt at the confession. He expelled a small sigh, flicking his gaze up at the ceiling and then back down to you. “Darling, I know we have been discussing this for months, but I really don’t think we should go to the Underdark. You’re getting so many outstanding offers that require you to remain in the city. You’re the hero of Baldur’s Gate, for god’s sakes. I know you want me to be safe from the sun… but I can’t, in good conscience, do that to you and rip you away from so many wonderful opportunities.”

“O-oh…” Your chest deflates and you catch yourself frowning for just a moment. Astarion’s brow furrows as he incorrectly interprets the cause of your sudden mood shift to be the current conversation and not the crushing disappointment you were trying to shove aside. You quickly try to move into a more neutral expression, but the rogue is already jumping into another worried explanation.

“Darling... Please hear me. I love you more than anything, and I know you better than anyone. You will not be truly happy there, of that much I am absolutely certain. These offers you’re receiving will give you multiple avenues to build the life you want…. the life we want. Imagine the good you could do with that level of influence, my love! Let me help you; I can review contracts, negotiate deals… whatever you need to ensure your success. Do not throw away so much potential on my account. I simply couldn’t live with myself if you did.”

He was right, of course. The only thing you wanted almost as much as you wanted Astarion was to continue the good work you two had been doing for Baldur’s Gate.

You sigh and nod your head, squeezing his hand gently. “You’re right, my love. I suppose it would be silly for both of us to throw away so much opportunity.”

Astarion beamed at your response before leaning over the table to plant a kiss on your lips. You smiled at the rogue when he pulled away to look at you with adoring crimson eyes. Perhaps it hadn’t been the conversation you were hoping for, but it had been a good and much needed one, nonetheless.

-----

Tonight, you and Astarion decided to take a stroll around the city. You were following the vampire’s lead, ambling around the streets as he pointed out more than a few of his old haunts. He revealed some of the difficult moments in his past as you two meandered about… more than one of the tales nearly made you cry with an overwhelm of sympathy for your lover. But you held back, knowing the elf hated eyes full of pity almost as much as he’d hated Cazador.

You noted that Astarion seemed to look back on his experience with more acceptance now. You knew, of course, that there were likely an infinite number of stories he had not yet revealed to you and perhaps never would. But you were still happy to see a bit of lightness in him as he spoke his truth. He hadn’t appeared to have one of his episodes on the entire walk, and as you pondered this, you also realized his night terrors had only occurred a handful of times this month. Such an improvement to what had been an almost daily incidence when you two originally moved in together.

Before long, you and your love arrived at the docks, where just over six months ago you’d felt as if you’d been stabbed in the gut as you watched the rays of sunlight scorch the vampire until he was forced to run for cover. But now, you two stood there hand in hand, resting in a pocket of comfortable silence. Both of you were admiring the twinkling starlight, full moon, and dark, mysterious expanse of the sea.

“The stars were so much more beautiful in the wilds… don’t you think, my sweet?” Astarion asks, his eyes filled with wistfulness as he ponders the sky.

You utter a little hum of agreement as your mind flashes to the first night in camp, when you caught Astarion reclined on his bedroll, stargazing. You turned your head to look at the rogue and remind him of the memory, but found he disappeared from your line of sight. Your vision wanders down and there he is, bent on one knee.

Oh this had to be the moment. Just when you were about to shout yes before the rogue even had a moment to say anything, Astarion looks up and smiles, a small pouch of gold coins in his hand. “Look! I suppose it’s our lucky day, darling. Their loss is our gain, would— are you alright, Tav? You’ve got this strange look on your face.”

Gods, not again. You feel your face flush with embarrassment. In your excitement and overwhelm, you’d almost ruined everything and let Astarion know that you knew his little secret. You made the decision then and there that this would be the last time you anticipated his proposal; let it happen when it’s meant to happen. You were done playing the guessing game. You couldn’t ruin everything with your big fat mouth.

You nod your head slightly before turning to look back at the stars once more, taking a deep breath and hoping to settle yourself.

“Yes, my love. I suppose I’m just thrilled by the beauty of the stars and the full moon, tonight. And by your beauty, of course.”

The rogue stands up, tucking the small sachet in his pocket. He smiles and places a soft, loving peck on the apple of your cheek before wrapping his arm around your waist. The two of you look up at the stars once more, and you spend a few moments pointing out some constellations in the sky. Stargazing had been one of the first things you two bonded over in camp.

Astarion is watching you with devoted interest as you ramble on about the planets and the mythological creatures represented by the patterns in the stars. Finally, there is a small lapse in conversation, and you want to take the opportunity to kiss him, but when you turn, the vampire is once again out of your sight line.

When you look down this time, Astarion is looking up at you, holding a velvet box in shaking hands.

“Tav—" He manages to choke out, but then his eyes fill with tears, and he stops to blink them away, chuckling softly at himself. You immediately come to kneel in front of your love, hands pressed to either side of his face, silently urging him to continue.

The vampire inhales shakily, suddenly quite overwhelmed by the extreme vulnerability he knows he’s about to lay before you. But the softness of your hands on his face grounds him in the moment and he smiles, admiring the look of utter adoration in your eyes.

A couple of tears fall over the edge of his lash line, and you immediately swipe them away with your shaking thumb. Another chuckle escapes the silver-haired elf, and he shakes his head in disbelief.

“My love… I’ve rehearsed this for weeks. I’ve said it all out loud more than a thousand times, I’m sure. I’ve spent almost every opportunity in your absence practicing this. One time I even had Shadowheart pretend to be you while I rehearsed my grand speech. But now that we are here… I’ve nearly forgotten everything I wanted to say.”

You move forward to press a kiss to Astarion’s lips, your hands still shaking as you run your thumb over his cheekbone. “It’s okay, my Star. Please continue, when you’re ready… rehearsed or from the heart… I want to hear it all the same.”

Astarion nods just a fraction and inhales. The shaking hand that is not holding the ring box comes to lay atop your own hand resting on his face. Your love slowly, absently runs his thumb along the back of your palm as he gathers his thoughts. He stares into your eyes with so much love that you almost kiss him again but hold yourself back to allow him to continue.

Astarion exhales a shuddering breath and then continues in a reverent tone, as if he’s whispering a prayer, “My darling. I have lived long life. Much of it was a sad and hopeless one. When we were walking through the city, I pointed out several places where I’d encountered horrible things. Many of those things are still hard to talk about… some of it, I don’t know that I will ever be able to.”

You are crying now, from the overwhelming blend of sympathy for your little Star and palpable feeling of love in this beautiful moment. Tears begin coursing thin streams down your cheeks. Astarion wipes away the tears as they fall, though his lips start trembling from your display of emotion.

“B-but what I do know is that… in many of the places I pointed out, there are also memories of us. Of our friends. Of the time we spent together before saving the city and of the six months we’ve spent here after that. Little by little, we are taking places that only held horrible memories for me and turning them into places that hold feelings of hope and happiness.

I guess what I’m saying is that… these past six months have been the counterweight to two hundred years of misery. And I do not think I deserve you, but I cannot imagine my life without you. You are everywhere I go, everywhere I look, and every happy memory I hold in my heart. If you’ll have me… I would like to spend the rest of our lives, however long they may be, turning this city into a place of hope for us and for the people we hold dear.”

Astarion opens the box, and you gasp in true awe as he reveals possibly the most beautiful ring you’ve ever seen. At the center is a beautiful moonstone, emitting an ethereal glow that shines brilliantly in the darkness of the pier. The setting is gold, and an intricate sunburst pattern made in smaller gems surrounds the center stone.

“Standing on the dock that day, after that long battle… I had the thought that my life was ruined when I realized I could no longer stand in the sun. I thought I might never know true happiness again. But it turns out, that was the moment my new life with you began… and you’ve opened the door to more happiness than I could’ve ever imagined for myself.

Even if I never see the sun again, I have made my peace. I would make the choices I made to be here with you, on this dock, in this moment, again and again in every lifetime. You are my sun and my moon. And my darling, it would be my honor to be your Star for the rest of time. Tav… will you marry me?”

As soon as the question comes out of your lover’s lips, you instantly push forward to crash into Astarion, enveloping the elf in an emotional kiss. You both topple over from the sheer force of your ardor, and as you do, the vampire deftly snaps the ring box closed to protect it from spilling out onto the dock.

When you finally break away, panting heavily, both your faces are thoroughly flushed with excitement. The vampire looks up at you, scarlet eyes filled with absolute devotion. You giggle and press one more soft kiss to the rouge before taking your hand in his and pressing a kiss to his knuckle. “Yes, Astarion. Nothing in this life would make me happier than to share it with you.”

-----

Later that evening, the two of you are naked in bed after several rounds of vigorous celebration. You’re admiring your ring, which is still faintly glowing in the semi-darkness of your bedchambers. Astarion takes your hand and presses his lips to the ring with a small smile; his scarlet eyes closely examine the gem.

“I don’t know how it works… you would have to ask Gale. But the center stone glows when I think of you, you know.”

You blink, moving to touch the gemstone in the middle of the ring with curiosity. “But it hasn’t stopped glowing since we’ve been on the docks.”

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we’ve been on the docks.” Astarion replies simply, moving his hand to stroke your cheek as a gentle, good-natured laugh escapes his mouth, “Perhaps now you’ll have some insight into how often my thoughts revolve around you, my sweet.”

You feel your eyes welling with tears again. Damn this man and his beautiful heart… he truly never misses a detail when it comes to you. You move forward to pull his lips into another loving kiss, and when you break away this time, a thought crosses your mind.

“Astarion… did you really find that bag of coins on the dock?”

Your lover grins mischievously, his crimson eyes crinkling at the corners as he grabs your ring-clad hand and kisses it once more.

“No, my sweet. But I had to throw you off. Shadowheart told me about my mishap. I wanted to surprise you… but you know me far too well and you’ve never been easily fooled… and the sleepy confession didn’t help things at all. I just figured that you would never anticipate that I’d drop down on one knee twice in a row.”

Astarion knew you just as well as you knew him… and he had been right. He’d fooled you. You roll your eyes and chuckle as the rogue moves closer to you, nuzzling into the side of your neck where fresh fang marks throbbed.

“Now what do you say, darling? One more round of celebration before we go to bed?”

[eveningspirit]

WIP Wednesday

tagged by @thewildballyntynesgrow, thank you!

Riiiiight. WIPs... When the muse is in the mood, WIPs thend to proliferate. Like bunnies... plot bunnies. So. (i'll be conscise)

Solid The Pitt WIPs:

Inconsistencies (Chapter 5 being written)

It’s Dana.  She looks worn out, like every single mitochondrion in her body got drained off energy. Her eyes, in pale face, are bloodshot and not from the same source as the burgundy bruise that starkly contrasts her white complexion. She has been crying.  Frank reaches to her as she approaches, and she takes his hand in hers and she tries to smile.  “How are you feeling?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.  “I’m good. Mel took care of everything; gonna be alright. How are you?”  “Oh, you know.” She averts her eyes under the pretense of looking for something to sit on. Reaches for a stool with her left hand, her right still in contact with his. She sits close, rests her elbows on the mattress right next to his shoulder. “I got scared when Mel told me and Robby that she treated you for AD. But she said you responded well and then Mateo kept us—and her—updated.” Dana reaches to his forehead and pushes a strand of hair from his eyes. “Good to see you’re awake.”

[untitled Post S1 (aka--I'm really fucking up Frank; treat it as an AU) not yet posted]

He gets out of the T on an empty, deserted station. From here, he’s got about ten-minutes-long walk home, that he’s already dreading. His back is in knots. He’s got one last chance to get his hands on some pills. It's not even a chance, really; he fully expects to be turned down. But still, he takes out his phone and dials Garcia’s number.  “What do you want Langdon?” She’s angry that he’s calling her. At this hour—it’s past 11:00—she’s probably getting ready to sleep. Or maybe she's mad about something else, but that he's not going to think about. “I need your help,” he croaks.  “No.”  “I—I didn’t even tell you what--”  “I don’t need you to tell me. I already know.”  “How--”  “I’m psychic! How do you think?” 

[untitled surprise fic (treat it as an AU) not yet posted]

Emergency Department Medical Education Fellow. It sounded so-- serious. Grown-up. At thirty-three years old, Michael Robinavitch didn’t feel grown-up at all. He still wanted to rage against the system and he still lacked confidence and faith in his skills, despite Dr. Adamson’s faith in him.  He got the position, though, and he couldn’t be happier. He was following in his mentor’s footsteps and he wouldn’t fail the faith bestowed in him.  All he needed now, was to find a worthy successor. Adamson, as he liked saying, had been adopted into this madness by Dr. Safar, same as Robby had been later taken in by Adamson. He was third generation legacy now. It was no joke. This shift new students and interns were coming. One of them better have the spark.

[untited Frank is bipolar fic (not yet posted)]

Abby stops it the hallway, like she sees something strange on his face. And maybe she does.  Frank bits his lips.  “Babe?” Abby asks. She’s careful, like he could be dangerous to her. He couldn’t!   Breath in, breath out, calm down Frank, everything is okay, she’s not coming after you, she loves you.  But it’s today, isn’t it? The Conversation.  “Are you sure you’re good to go to work?” she asks.  “Oh yeah,” Frank seethes, “because you know better?” He holds himself. No. Don’t argue. Calm down. “Sorry.”  “You haven’t slept all night.”  “I’m not tired!” He throws up his hands. Walks down the corridor to the door, turns around, walks back. “I feel fine. Better than fine! Abby, please don’t make that face, I’m not... I know what I’m doing, okay, babe. I am perfectly in control.” 

Original WIPs

Eh. Uh. If you're interested I also have original WIPs (seven of them), but here, have fragments from those I'm currently working on:

The Specters

Neve didn’t say anything out loud. Noel would only laugh it off, or frown, like he did anyway.  “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to upset you,” he spoke and winced, then tried again, “I don’t mean that like--” he had to pause and cough again. “Damn it, I wish I-- I could have a normal-- conversation with you.”  “You can use sign.” Neve watched him, helpless. “I already understand some of it.”  Noel smiled and nodded. And made a couple of signs.  “Maybe I should?” Neve asked. “You, should? Yeah.” She understood. “You definitely should.”  She stood up and went around the counter to stand in front of him. Touched his arm. “Are you okay?”  He made a gesture for “Fine,” then, “Only hurts breathe.” 

[untitled short story with characters based on The Pitt peoples ;) ]

[the story is in development, so this is half of the synopsis]

The Dimple is a factory where Sentiran fighter spacecrafts are being built. Lander is one of the engineers working under Mikah. On the day Lander is supposed to begin training new cadets he and Mikah get into a disagreement about stolen materials. The disagreement remains unresolved, as the regular day job begins, and they are both called to their duties.  One of the trainees is a bold woman, Sibeal who challenges Lander’s expertise and gets the support of Lander’s rival Nimrod. Lander focuses too much of his energy on trying to avoid being dragged into a petty squabble, while his argument from this morning continues to bother him. He enlists help of his friend who works security, LissaMin, to help with the later. Meanwhile the other trainee, Nysa Ashton who hasn’t had a lot of practice in zero-g, begins to get disoriented and soon develops acute space sickness. Lander has no choice but take him to the Rings, where artificial gravity should let the cadet reorient himself and get better. He leaves Sibeal under Nimrod’s supervision.  Once they are in the Rings Lander takes Ashton to the medical section, so specialists can determine whether he can return to zero-g at all. That's when a huge explosion shakes the entire station. Lander is convinced Sibeal is somehow responsible for it. 

And that's it. :) If you're curious, you may find more of my original stories (a lot of my OCs are disabled / chronically ill / neurodivergent; some are queer too) at @t-lane-writes . Feel free to give a follow, if you find any of my OG WIPs interesting. :)

tagging: @silverhandy , @doughnuts-5ever , @helleboretea (not sure you're writing something? but the Bipolar!Frank was your idea ;), @toofarovertherainbow , @whentheresidentsareevil, @kulliare (maybe some art wip?), @drfranklangdon (I think you are a writer? correct me if i've mistaken you for someone ;) ) and whoever else wants to do it!

So many of you have different nicks of tumblr and different on AO3 and my audhd brain only has so much capacity for remembering people. But I want to get to know more of yous!

ETA to tag @echo-bleu, @hithelleth and @lire-casander, but don't read the first part of this post. ;) I'm curious if you are working on anything fun these days.

Let me know if any of the not-yet-posted stories caught your attention. Such feedback really helps get those writing juices run quicker.

If you read to this point, congrats! <3

[vaneshifts]

vane's shifting routine

NOTE: please remember that you do not NEED a routine to shift. You could close your eyes and shift in half a second if you wanted. but I'm feeling demotivated, and having a routine always brings back that missing spark. this is purely self-indulgent, and meant for anyone else who thinks a nostalgic routine might help them.

XO

STEP-BY-STEP ROUTINE

calming music that reminds me of my dr

I'm a night shifting person. I've never been able to get myself into the mindset during the day when I have things to do. so while I can appreciate louder, sometimes more aggressive music for my DR during the day, it's just more relaxing to have a calmer playlist at night.

2. shower and visualise

showers might not be everyone's style, and I know lots of people prefer them in the mornings, but they're so relaxing for me, and with the right candle combination, I just can't not think about my DR while I'm there. I use this time to unwind, forget about my current reality and visualise my desired reality.

3. pjs that remind my of my dr

this one's pretty straightforward. I love band t-shirts for my marauders DR, pretty underwear for places like TVD and SPN, I even have a couple of nightgowns that get me in the feels for my more medieval/fantasy-style DRs. it just keeps the mood going, really.

4. tea & manifesting

okay, I know the tea is a cliche, but hear me out. that's why I do it. it brings me back to the good parts of when I first learned about shifting. it helps me unwind, makes me feel nostalgic and reminds me why I started shifting in the first place. it's not necessary, but I personally find it very comforting. manifesting could be a lot of things for me; I like to keep my options open depending on my mood and my energy levels. watching the movie/show I'm shifting to, reading the book, listening to more music while writing a letter for someone in my DR, shifting journal, doodling like I'm in my DR, adding to/editing my script, writing blurbs about my DR. these are all some of my favourite forms of shifting manifestiation.

5. quantum jumping spell

again, this one won't be for everyone. I dabble in witchcraft and am a massive believer in spirituality (I can totally make a post about my belief system at some point if y'all want) so spells for shifting give me a lot of confidence if nothing else. I like making spell jars, reciting verbal spells or even just sitting quietly to feel the energy and mentally convert it into energy for shifting.

6. subliminal + method

subliminals are iffy for me. if I find one that really reminds me of my DR, it'll probably quickly become a favourite, but aside from that, they just make me fall asleep rather than letting myself drift off into void state or trying to visualise (again, I know none of these things are necessary, these are just my own preferences). not a big fan of guided meditations either for the same reason (with the exception of that one julia method guided meditation) methods are also an on-and-off practise, and I know some people are very against using them. I usually just go with whatever I'm feeling like that night, and sometimes that means no subliminals or methods; just intention.

MY FAVOURITE METHODS

daydreaming replacement method;

not really a method at all. just daydreaming about my DR with intention until I drift off to sleep or shift before I fall asleep.

void state method;

a little difficult for me as it reminds me of how I feel in the middle of a fever dream, but once I got over that, very calming yet somehow exciting and very effective. probably the easiest way for me to achieve total detachment so I'm not checking the 3D every five seconds.

julia method;

one of my first favourites. not much success and falling asleep before I've completed the method demotivates me a little sometimes, but it really makes me feel out my DR and defines it around the edges.

bianca method;

10/10. 5 star rating. when I say I've never had success in blocking out my doubts and fears before learning this method, I mean that (fuckin' ADHD). I use it almost every time in combination with whatever method I'm using or even when I'm using no other method at all.

method to nowhere method;

beautiful. so, so easy. so good at tricking your subconscious. and PERFECT for the nights when I just don't have the energy. it's actually ingenious.

[silenced-judgement]

‧₊˚ ☾. ⋅ ⋯ 𝙿𝚊𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚗 𝚍𝚎𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚜; 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚘𝚜

  ・．⸻⸻˖⁺‧̟⭒₊☠︎︎🦋☠︎︎₊ ˖⁺‧̟⭒⸻⸻．・

‧₊˚ ☾. ⋅ ⋯ 𝙰𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜

┊┊✧

┊✦

✧ .

Identified with Mors (Roman), and Letum (Roman)

Greek God/Personification of Non-Violent Death and mortality

Known Symbols: Inverted Torch, Sword, Theta (θ), Wreath, Wings

Plants and Trees: Poppy and Cypress

Animals: Butterflies

Stones/Crystals: Onyx, Obsidian, Black Tourmaline, Amethyst

Incense: Frankincense, Myrrh, Cypress

Colors: Black, Silver, White, Purple

Death 13 Tarot card

‧₊˚ ☾. ⋅ ⋯ 𝙴𝚙𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚝𝚜

┊┊✧

┊✦

✧ .

Paean "Healer"

Makar "Blessed one"

Leukokhrotos "White-skinned"

Acherontis "Woeful"

‧₊˚ ☾. ⋅ ⋯ 𝙵𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢

┊┊✧

┊✦

✧ .

Son of Nyx, Night Incarnate

Grandson of Primordial Chaos

Twin Brother of Hypnos, Sleep Incarnate

Brother of The Moirai (Fates), Charon, The Keres, Nemesis

‧₊˚ ☾. ⋅ ⋯ 𝙾𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜

┊┊✧

┊✦

✧ .

Common offerings include: Red wine, olive oil, water, honey, milk, fruit, poppy seeds, black tea, dark chocolate

Other than that, play around a bit with different types of offerings and figure out what he likes, I've only offered him dark chocolate which was also torture to myself since I enjoy it as well, but thankfully he was understanding that I mean no disrespect if I ended up eating it (which I did), though now I have two bags of dark chocolate I got for Easter just sitting in my room unopened.

  ・．⸻⸻˖⁺‧̟⭒₊☠︎︎🦋☠︎︎₊ ˖⁺‧̟⭒⸻⸻．・

The rest of this will be of my own personal experiences with interacting with Thanatos, everyone has their own experiences so yours is likely not going to be the same. I will also include some things I personally associate with him.

  ・．⸻⸻˖⁺‧̟⭒₊☠︎︎🦋☠︎︎₊ ˖⁺‧̟⭒⸻⸻．・

‧₊˚ ☾. ⋅ ⋯ 𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚘𝚜

┊┊✧

┊✦

✧ .

As soon as I had reached out to Thanatos through my Tarot he answered almost immediately, however as someone who had only done a reading once and correctly translated Hestia's message to a friend who was confused on what she was trying to say I am not good with any other Tarot spread as the friend had used a custom spread that was similar in layout to a Yes/No spread. The type of spread I use is the Yes/No spread, where you lay out five (5) cards with Major Arcana and even number Minor Arcana being for "yes" and the Suits and odd numbered Minor Arcana being "no". Personally I prefer this as it's easier for me to understand with my silly little Autistic brain.

The first thing I did after connecting with him through Tarot was actually ask him how he was doing, I don't know why I chose to ask him that, but I said "yes is for if you're doing good, and no is for if you aren't" and then placed out my cards. His answer to me was "No" with a hidden message within the cards in order to explain to me that something didn't go well that day and he was upset, to which I replied with an apology for the fact he was feeling upset and then I asked him if he'd like to just hangout and sit with me the rest of the day, his answer was a yes and as soon as he answered I began crying. I'm naturally sensitive to the presences of beings that aren't exactly within our plane of existence; such as ghosts, spirits, demons, and deities, it's just with everything else besides deities I get a shortness of breath but all presences give me that same sort of tingly feeling one might get when they look down from somewhere up high or are in an elevator and it's going up/down.

From that single interaction alone I've learned that Thanatos is a rather kind individual and enjoys interacting with others. I always thought he was more of a reserved and quiet individual as one may think Death to be, and while he is rather quiet he's far from reserved. The best way to explain him is someone who wants to be around others but can easily become a bit anxious if he feels as if he's making the person uncomfortable and depending on his mood he can become rather introverted. If you feel like he's possibly becoming anxious over something the first time interacting with you, especially if you're as sensitive as I am to the presence of other beings, the best thing to do is reassure him that it's alright and he doesn't have to limit his interactions with you. I had told him near the end of the day that from now on he can come and hangout whenever he wants without me getting his attention first, but he instantly became unsure and worried that he'd overwhelm me due to my sensitivity. Thankfully he calmed down after I explained to him that I'm not overwhelmed and explained my sensitivity to him.

I've only seen him twice in some dreams, the first time he had gotten lost in it (as my dreams are chaotic and I can't control them if they choose to shift to something else) after like 10-20 minutes into the dream, but from that first appearance, he chose to appear as a mix of how he really looks like and the design of the character Thanatos from the game Hades. Turns out, after asking him about it the next day, he had chosen to appear that way just to mess with me and to be funny. Second dream I remember nothing about other than the fact he was there looking normal. Third dream he wasn't there but at the end of it he did send some butterflies in order to say hello.

Normally, Thanatos doesn't need to try and reach out to me, he's done so once through a butterfly, a few days after our dog had passed away but that was just to say hi and for no other reason. I had also drawn the Death Tarot, which was reversed but there was no hidden message. He seems content enough to come and sit with me without me knowing or to watch over me, plus most the time I'm the one suddenly getting his attention by talking to him at random and he's fully aware that due to my Autism and ADHD I wont exactly go and grab my Tarot to talk to him and is content with just listening, dealing with me being extremely random, or, something he did yesterday (28th) and yesterday night (27th) was sit directly next to me on my bed and lean in extremely close just to stare at my laptop screen. I'm unsure if he was trying to comfort me after Hecate scared the fuck out of me with a spider because I was paranoid and refused to sleep at all even after coming to an agreement that no more spiders will be sent into my bedroom with Hecate.

Based on that interaction, I feel as if Thanatos can become rather protective over people he's taken a liking to, his presence itself being rather warm, comforting, sometimes it's enough to make me feel like crying because suddenly all my anxieties, everything is just gone and I feel as if I don't have to worry about anything. Sometimes I'm unsure if I'm smelling lavender or some other floral scent, or even chamomile, which sometimes makes me think he's literally gone and gotten into my teas. I believe at times he's also gone and woken up Hypnos some nights just in order to get me to sleep. While writing this, I've felt warmth against my ear, cheek, felt peaceful, I smell a familiar scent that smells floral of some sort, so another thing is that Thanatos also seems to be rather curious once he's gotten used to someone. Although, as I don't find many people talking about their interactions with him, and based on how he told me that no one had ever really offered to let him just hangout whenever he wants with them before, I have a feeling that a lot of this is actually Thanatos feeling as if he is free to just be himself and that he's in a safe place because when I interact with him I don't see him as Death itself or as a literal Greek God/Deity, instead I treat him as if he's just like anyone else, I don't reach out to him for advice or help, I reach out to him because I genuinely enjoy interacting with him and I'm one of those few people who aren't afraid of death or dying, at least, not the concept of dying, as I would never do anything that actually puts me at a risk of death out of fear of being forgotten and also because I want to enjoy life as much as I can before it comes naturally.

I've also had a natural affinity towards death and the concept of an afterlife and Gods of Death, so to me, Death is a friend and is my friend, which I believe is why Thanatos interacts differently with me.

‧₊˚ ☾. ⋅ ⋯ 𝙿𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜

┊┊✧

┊✦

✧ .

Blue colored butterflies, specifically the Blue Morpho (for those who play Animal Crossing, it's the Emperor Butterfly, literally just learned it's actually called a Blue Morpho. Although the Ulysses Butterfly is also called an Emperor Butterfly or the Blue Emperor and is a swallowtail butterfly)

Red Spider Lilies (Japanese flowers associated with death)

That silly "guh-dong" sound that happens when you get a "Death Approaches" area in the game Hades.

White roses

  ・．⸻⸻˖⁺‧̟⭒₊☠︎︎🦋☠︎︎₊ ˖⁺‧̟⭒⸻⸻．・

[meirimerens]

how do you cope with boring/difficult classes and assignments or general tips on how to best enjoy and perhaps even romanticize university?

i'm going to be a hundred and also recognize how #lucky i am but I don't have boring classes. there's not one class where i'm like "damn i wish i wasn't there rn". as far as difficulty goes, it's only my first year so it's now Insanely Difficult either and basically every time i have stressed like hell for an exam SO FAR AND MAY IT STAY THAT WAY GODDESS WILLING GODDESS WILLING i've actually done real well so i'm unsure how like Compelling of tips i can give but here's what i got going on for me:

taking notes by hand. my medieval art history teacher says neuroscience shows that writing stuff down by hand makes it easier to memorize stuff, i'm finding stuff that goes in that way but i'm a firm believer of If It Works. i find taking notes by hand allows for way more freedom of form than typing; you can put arrows, do little idea "maps" or "trees" that you'd be spending 5 full minutes on on computer. it also makes me feel 1) less stressed because i don't have to worry about a very expensive piece of material being stolen/running out of battery midtype 2) like a #scholar and gives me a sense of Locking In that i don't have with typing because i spend so much time on computer typing Unscholarly things. if you catch by drift

as soon as possible after a class, condensing the lecture notes in small concise sheets that i carry around in their own dedicated small folder. it's a tip from my boss (who also did an art history degree): don't retype all of your handwritten note on computer, make like. "memory items" study sheets. i like to use different highlighter colors (orange for dates, green for places, purple for Concepts, blue for Objects,... etc) so it's easier to navigate. they can look like this. if you so desire

you'll notice all my little arrows and the drawing; all those existed in my hand-written lecture notes

3) try to eat well and sleep enough. don't do as i do. i eat well but i sleep like shit and then wonder why i feel like i'm about to snap by hour 5 of class of the day.

4) hate to say it but bring a water bottle. and on long days, bring a thermos with either hot black tea or cold energy drink, something with caffeine in it. genuinely helping me not fall asleep on my desk when 3PM hits and i've been awake since 6:30. i'm lucky enough that i only truly "need" such a pick-me-up twice a week so. don't overdo it. that could make everything worse.

as far as #romanticizing the uni life, my tips:

a) your campus probably has a library: go borrow one (1) book from it. doesn't even have to be about your major, i'd say it's Even Better if it's not about your major, but related to your interests. you'll feel like you're #taking advantage of the #unilife by borrowing a book, And you will feel good when you read it.

b) have a dedicated #lockingin behavior for studying. at home for me it's 1) a bunch of playlists. you can and will and must indulge in some "romanticizing studying and reading in a snowy day (dark academia playlist)" or "studying like a scholar in the baroque period (playlist)" who cares. 2) one (1) scented candle that i only light for #lockingin time. and 3) a snack and a tea before lol don't study on an empty stomach your brain needs fuel.

c) if you can, go study in the library. you might not have the gorgeous #academia #romantic library of the people of the world, but even just putting yourself in a sea of #knowledge and surrounded by people who equally #grind gets you in the mood. + typicall less distractions because the wifi is too bad to scroll on the apps at the same time LOLLLL

d) might be obvious but Study something you love. the reasons i am not bored in class and am willing to put myself through the stress of exams and of feeling left behind and slowly losing it etc is because i fought like a little devil to be able to get back to uni, and in this branch specifically. all of this ^ will only be a bandaid on a deeper dissatisfaction if you don't like what you're studying.

be strong... we will smoke them all. onward!!!!

[silenthillmutual]

do you know if there's any analysis post of daniil's bipolar coding pre-quarantine (like your autistic daniil post)? it always made sense to me but i wanted to see if there's any comprehensive breakdown of all the symptoms you could argue he has

i don't know if there's a pre-existing one, but i can give you a quick rundown of what i have on hand at the moment.

from the dsm-5:

bipolar i criteria is that the patient must have experienced one manic (or mixed) episode. this episode my follow or be followed by an episode of hypomania or major depression, but these are not necessary for a diagnosis. only the mania is.

the mania must be severe (causes significant impairment to social, occupational, or other areas of functioning)

the manic episode cannot be explained away by another mental health condition (delusional or psychotic disorders including schizophrenia and related disorders) or substance use

here, mania refers to:

abnormal and persistent elevated mood (can be either a 'good' thing or a 'bad' thing; people w/o bipolar tend to associate mania with euphoria, but it can also be a period of profound irritability)

mood disturbance must be accompanied by three or more of the following symptoms: - inflated self-esteem or grandiosity - decreased need for sleep - more talkative (may feel pressure to keep talking, feels uncontrollable) - flight of ideas / racing thoughts - distractability - increased goal-directed activity (social, work, sexual, etc) or psychomotor agitation - excessive involvement in risky behaviors (spending money you don't have, 'sexual indiscretions', etc etc)

i'm not going to get into the criteria for bipolar ii at the moment, although i think you could argue daniil goes from bipolar ii in classic to bipolar i in patho 3 (this does happen; if are diagnosed with bipolar ii and experience even one manic episode, your diagnosis will change to bipolar i) if for no other reason than because his psychological issues have clearly grown more severe.

have some screenshots below the cut:

I've made up my mind. If I am not to go back victorious, then I'd rather blow my brains out with this very revolver. I'm cornered. I'll never be able to look the people I've failed to protect in the eye. My allies will end up in prison or exile, my research... in fire.

daniil stating he's going to kill himself in pathologic classic (he does this more than once, this is just the screenshot i have on hand)

Has he ever told you of the similarities the two of you bear? That you could end up in a position similar to his - and vice versa? That being an inevitable victim of circumstance is the only fate available to a genius? I ask you to be precise. A lot of things hinge on your answer.

aglaya comparing daniil to peter, who she's just described as being mentally unwell (and doomed) [it is my personal theory that peter represents the 'depression' and andrey the 'mania' while daniil is the 'mixed state']

I can barely understand it myself. Could death only seem inevitable to us, but in reality be nothing more than a whim of the will that had shaped this world? That is the question. So where is the key to my victory?

i'm sure you could say this is just daniil being pompous and this connection is a bit loose but i personally think this is what i talk like when i'm hypo/manic so i'm including it under 'grandiosity'

Murderers! Stop right now, or I'll shoot you!

did you know daniil can threaten to kill the people who burned the woman in the bone stake lot?

i could share every screenshot i have that i think points to something, but i shan't. that would be too long.

daniil's grandiosity in general is really easy to find because of his generally inflated self-esteem. in classic & patho 2 i think it's a little harder to make a case about whether or not he's 'just like that'; by my interpretation he's having a mixed episode, which starts out with inflated sense of self-importance and morphs into the other symptoms.

also i want to point out that daniil's actions do get more reckless as the game goes on. for instance, he mouths off to people more often despite that being a very dangerous thing to do in this town (calling saburov an idiot to his face, yelling at townspeople for being stuipd, generally getting more irritable in his dialogue options as the game goes on), he enters the abattoir despite being warned not to, he takes a bunch of pills and locks himself in plagued building to see if they work, he finds his way into fights - including against arsonists and soldiers.

for pathologic 2: there's daniil's breakdown in yulia's house about the inquisitor being like a divine pillar of light, where artemy assumes he's drunk because of how he's behaving; there's him killing the messenger on the last day, and telling artemy that he felt compelled to act because of how people have been spreading rumors about him for the past eleven days, the ending where he walks off into the steppe with everyone else to essentially commit mass suicide, he mentions killing himself a couple of times in marble nest as well... there's more but this post is already pretty long as it is and i have other writing to do. might come back to this later - and if you find what you're looking for, please let me know!

[mattywrites]

Saturday 3rd/Sunday 4th May, 2025. Writing at nearly 1 in the morning here.

Didn't sleep well last night. Woke up at 5 am, maybe I was too warm, or my mind was racing. I'm not certain. Took me a little while to get back to sleep. Woke up, got a coffee, did the usual dance. Thankfully the sun was out for most of the day and I got at least an hour's worth of sun. It's a simple process. You take off most of your clothes and you go outside and get some sunlight, no harsh chemicals or sunscreen, just half a litre of cold water, a pair of sunglasses, and your earbuds. Worked out hard until my shoulders burnt. My heart just wasn't in it today but I pushed myself until I couldn't really break through that exertion barrier. There was this pervasive sense that tonight was going to be a disaster. I run the bar and I'd only recently been told that A) we had live music this evening (a singer named Diana from Canada), and B) that we also had an unrelated group of 31 people coming in about half an hour after the music was supposed to end. This is problematic for a variety of reasons, and the fucking apes that own the business, in their infinite wisdom, time and time again prioritise money and profit over good sense. It's funny how once you own a business the only thing you can even think about is money, as though all creativity, fun, and common sense just prances out of your brain like showgirls heading backstage in the world's most idiotic burlesque show. Perhaps there is no common sense in business. We were understaffed and I tried to run the show as well as I possibly could. The team worked well together and we got through it in the end but I just wasn't in the mood all night. When the owner/owners walked through and then left us high and dry during the chaos, I just grit my teeth. My work mum and I looked at one another and I said, "Let's just hand our resignation in right fucking now." Some of the patrons probably thought I was being an asshole this evening but it's nothing personal. I'm merely juggling spiked balls tossed to me by the utterly incompetent and I'm just doing my best to hold the place together. Dreams of my opening my own bar fill me with some measure of comfort, and that one day, I'll get to use my 12/13 years of experience working behind the bar in my own place, somewhere with a great reputation both from our customers and from the staff that actually look forward to coming into work every day. It's the little things, hey? Nothing too grandiose. Hopefully tonight I sleep better and my perspective on things is a little rosier in the morning and throughout the day. All these frustrations (emotional, sexual, mental, etc. Pick a fucking lane) are ultimately meaningless and I think the only way out is through. Just need to double down on the combat sports and weight training, and maybe, move to a warmer fucking state!

[venriliz]

10 random facts about me

got tagged by @druidberries @alientown @papermint-airplane TY <3

u literally tagged the most boring person but that's probably what half of all people think of themselves, huh? °-° i might regurgitate some of the facts i used for my introduction post in the sims of tumblr community. i wrote a lot so i'll put a cut with the facts below here. °-°

my birthday is the 4th of july and when i was a kid (prolly like 5 or 6) i saw an american parade on the news on tv. after i asked my dad why these people are celebrating he literally told me that they're celebrating my birthday °_° i believed for several years that americans celebrated my fucking birthday bc i wasn't aware of independence day existing lmfao. my dad just loved fooling me V.V he might be dead but i'm still holding that grudge lol.

i'm kinda lucky to be alive i guess? when i was a kid i was hit by a car in what we in germany call "Spielstraße" which is kinda like a street in dense neighborhoods where kids are allowed to play freely and cars aren't allowed to go faster than 7 kph/4.3 mph. i don't now how fast the driver was but it probably was something around 30 kph/18 mph. i didn't have very bad injuries but still °-° i could've died.

i was a typical horse girl as a kid (i still like horses but i'm not riding anymore because i'm a very old 20-something with knee problems lol) and i was fucking INSUFFERABLE abt it.

i don't want to have kids or get married. i'm not one of those people who hate children like i love my nieces and my nephew BUT i have a lot of mental health issues and can't possibly take care of another life if i can barely take care of myself properly, right? marriage to me is just a weird concept. i can totally respect people getting married and if i'm invited to a wedding i'm obviously attending but i personally can't really subscribe to the idea of binding myself to someone with a piece of paper and it then being such a stupid process when it doesn't work out. also... it costs too much money lol

i have kind of an affinity for finding missing pets (i also photograph every missing poster i see so i guess that helps with recognizing them?)

i was NOT good at school like i kinda sucked and i can probably blame a mixture of mental health issues, trouble at home and also being a lazy teenager that just wasn't really built for school life lol. i barely managed to get the "Mittlere Reife" (if you're german u know what i mean. i could explain what that means but explaining the german school system would take years). english, german and biology were my only good classes. i absolutely hated math like we're lifelong enemies.

speaking of germany, i am from germany or to be more specific from the most northern region nearest to the danish border and i LOVE living here. the north and baltic sea are close to me and people here are usually quite chill. the only thing i don't like that much abt living here is kind of the regional cuisine bc a lot of it is fish and i don't like eating fish T.T

i HATE going shopping (i'm an online shopper °-° EMP my beloved) and my friends just don't take me with them on shopping trips bc they know i'll kill the mood by complaining like a child and wanting to go back home lmfao

the first sims game for me was the og Sims and i almost fried my dad's old ass pc playing it. my first vivid memory of the game was noticing that here and there random houses appeard out of seemingly nowhere. the goths got a new house that didn't fit their vibe for example lol. years later my dad told me that he used to play the game when i was sleeping and just built these houses lmfao. so i guess my dad was an og simmer oO.

i remember 9/11 (yes i'm old enough don't age shame me T.T). i was in kindergarten at that time and just came home from a friends house when the towers fell. i saw it on tv and even though i was very young i understood that a lot of people were getting hurt. definitely had an impact on me as a kid.

yeah that's it. i rambled a lot but yeah °-°

tagging @landgraabbed @olli-online @living-undead @moonwoodhollow @microscotch @crazy-lazy-elder-sims @aniraklova @tiallussims @skaterboi108 @faerun-s @cristalviper @none-of-these-days @fadingforrest @acuar-io @elderwisp @lilamausmaus @simpleratattack @azeterna @butteredfrogs @mmonetsims and everybody else who reads this! HA!

[eilistraeees]

Get to know your mutuals tag game//answer and tag 6

I was tagged by @renegon. Thank you so much!! <3 And apologies it took me a while to do this!

Favourite colour: Yellow and Pink. Don't make me choose between them. Please. Last song: Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter. (I just needed something to lift my mood and this song always does just that.) Currently reading: *glances at the pile of books I've left half-read* Uhh.. I'm reading, uhm, something. Truthfully, I haven't read in a little while. I was re-reading The Hunger Games trilogy, I got to, approximately, the middle the second book and stopped. I will continue it but I just have no wish to read at the moment. Currently watching: "My Dearest Nemesis." It's a k-drama. I wanted something light and fluffy and since the main leads are two actors I am a fan of, I decided to check it out. It's okay, I like it for what it is. Also, "Gangnam B-Side." Another k-drama, this one I started watching, again, because I like Ji Chang-Wook, he is amazing in action, and imo a great actor in general. I got to episode 5 and put it down for a bit, it made me too sad lmao. I will resume it when I am in less of a shitty mood. Currently craving: 3 months of paid time off. Though it is impossible. More realistically, 8-9 hours of undisturbed sleep. That would be nice. Though, ironically, it seems it isn't realistic. Coffee or tea: Coffee. I dislike tea. Last song you sang out loud: Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter. Though, when I'm home, I sing out loud no matter what song it is, as long as I like it lmao. What is your favourite crisp flavour: Not the biggest fan of crisps, but the original Pringles are my go to. I guess it's just salt flavour? idk. Last book I opened: It was a kid's book at work today. Earbuds, headphones, or nothing: Headphones! Earbuds make my ears hurt after a while and I dislike listening to music out loud. Last place I went to other than home: It was a grocery store. A colour that looks good on you: Yellow. I think, black too. Though, warm colours in general. Cool tones make me look a bit washed out, I've noticed. Last trailer you saw: I have no idea. I don't really watch trailers anymore. I think it might've been the "business and one hobby" pack trailer for the sims 4? But I am unsure.

Now that I've exposed my questionable music taste, I shall tag @eternalergo @faerune @fereldanwench @leopardmuffinxo (No pressure on this, just thought it'd be fun!)