#I'm good at my job
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(I'm a security guard.)
#There is an overwhelming number of traumatized people who work in security#So many of us have histories of abuse#Or other things#And I wonder so often#I'm good at my job#But am I attracted to power?#I like helping people#I don't like hurting people#Or picking on anyone#But it's hard to know what the right answers are sometimes#Part of my job is working with police#Even if I disagree with them#I tell myself it's better that I'm the guard here#And not someone malicious#Or cruel#But how much am I really changing?#And am I using my power correctly#Or will I become the unreasonable authority that made me the scared person I am#Is it already too late?#What if the calls I'm unsure of are the warning signs#Maybe I'm already too late#Maybe my sense of morality and justice is eroding#To fit the hole I've placed myself in#Maybe I'm not chipping at the walls fast enough#Maybe I'm being reshaped#Just being here#Maybe my conflict of conscience is the internal monologue of a sympathetic villain#Maybe I'm the bad guy#Teablart
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If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)
At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.
Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.
#i think about this story sometimes like yeah I'm proud of them for that too actually. good job baby brothers#they're not babies anymore of course they're turning 20 next year which is crazy#but they're still the type of people who'd do something if they saw something of this sort happen for sure#respectful of women and everyone else too. they're good guys#I'm glad I ended up with them living in my house against my will for like 14 years#anyway i have no idea where i was for all this but my best guess is probably a friends house given the time period#i was always at my besties house lol#i hope she's doing well too actually. haven't spoken in forever...#bestie from greek elementary school... if you're out there... let's get muffins and fanta at the bakery across the street again someday 💜☮️
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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*shaky thumbs up* I just finished ch5...... y-you were not kidding about it being a heavy one.....
:)
(how's that going so far, Mal)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#malleus: i'm going to save my dad!#malleus: (forces his dad to relive his most traumatic memories) (accidentally reveals no less than three tragic life-altering secrets)#malleus: (is on the verge of causing the entire world to be destroyed)#malleus: wait. no. hold on. i can still fix this --#good job honey you're doing greeeeeaaaat#let's be fair though sebek is actually doing...weirdly okay?#sure he turned into electricity but. he meant to do that!#(this is dedicated to the person who said they like it when sebek is featureless except for a screaming mouth)#(truly it is his essence)
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good omens crack 2 of ∞
#good omens#gomens#aziraphale#goodomensedit#my gifs#good omens crack#good news I started a new job today yay#bad news I'm now too tired to do a set for ihaw23#so you get this dumb set I made a week ago instead#love you all#and yes I keep using larger and larger text sizes#I'm not gaslighting you I'm experimenting#and yes this set completely contradicts the first one I made#it's still funny#I'm going to shut up now and get some rest
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Hey hey hey may 31th anon! How's 2024 going? ☆ヾ(*´▽`)ノ This year I have for you a leaked Sherlock season 5 image. Thinking of you!! And everyone!!
#may 31th anon#Hello hello hello friends!! How are you!!#I miss you all I miss tumblr I miss drawing these silly men#work was soooo boring today I was really happy that I got to draw John in a baby carrier afterwards (*´︶`*)#what have you been up to??#my job is very boring most of the time unfortunatly!! I want to have a new job a little bit but I also never want to have a job interview#ever again and also I might get a lamp this year (!) I have heard that someone has already printed out the lamp form#are you excited for good omens season 3??#I am!! I have also been watching a lot of x-files#(*´▽`*) we also have moths in the kitchen#I do not know what they are eating we have been storing all of our food in the fridge since last week but new moths keep coming#yesterday one flew out of the forks and spoon drawer#it's her kitchen now#I also got a mole removed#now instead of the mole I have a scar the exact same size an color of the mole#I have also been working on a longer comic project!! I think it will be ready to be shared this summer and I really hope you will like it#it's about the old dragon bros characters and their life with the princesses (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤#I'm having a lot of fun drawing again!!#I hope you're having fun too#also I had to write an email today and I had to attach a pdf file but it was upside down#I could not fix it#I just hit send
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I am Official Tourism Officer for Wales now. dewch i gymru. please
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Sky and Viktor's relationship is such a horror movie to me. You've got a man who was frustrated by the limitations placed on his life that were out of his control, like his class, mobility, and general health. Despite everything, he manages to rise beyond his station and avoid being an assistant for the rest of his life.
Then you've got a woman from the same background who admires him and all that he's accomplished in spite of the similar class based prejudices they faced all the while she's his assistant. She works up the courage to take leap of faith and reach out to him with her own research to show what's possible if they worked together as equals. And then he gets her killed!
Sky's death isn't the end of it because while it affects Viktor it is in no way meaningful to Sky's life or value as a person whatsoever. Even the pendant he wears in her memory is based on the design of her notebook, but that was just her notebook's cover, she probably bought it from a store and the design itself is probably mass produced. Why not use Sky's signature that was in her letter and in the notebook, the thing part if the notebook with real value?
Then Sky's brought back in s2 and she really only exists to be Viktor's assistant again, who he kills, again! But this time it's different because this time Viktor's making a conscious decision to look Sky in the eye and kill her... to prove he's changed.
In the middle of all this, in no way has Sky's death been mourned by her family or anyone else who could have known her. Jayce wasn't affected by the reveal, he didn't think it was important to tell Heimerdinger, or anyone who knew her. Nothing about her life, death, or disappearance has spurred any emotional reaction or even curiosity about what happened to her.
Sky's new life was also extremely isolated because she became further tied to him (in some ways you could say she was defined by him). Viktor never mentioned Sky to anyone in the material plane during his commune arc, so she only exists to him and she has no way to communicate with others, she's just there for Viktor's sake.
Then in the finale we learn this all a part of a big time loop where Viktor actively set the wheels in motion to have him and Jayce create hextech together, but if everything follows as is, that means Sky is violently killed in those timelines too. That means Viktor weighed the costs and decided over and over and over again that Sky was expendable enough to let her die for his plan to work eventually. How is that not murder at this point?
What's worse is that post-finale Sky's humanity is a point of dispute amongst the fandom, the VAs, and the writers themselves. Sky's the hexcore manipulating Viktor. No, Sky's a manifestion of Viktor's guilt. No, she's actually supposed to represent his humanity/conscious made physical. And in none of these arguments do they discuss Sky as a person, she's just an object meant to serve Viktor both in the narrative sense and literal sense as his assistant.
The most absolutely maddening part is that with Viktor's new bio on the League site, not only have most traces of Viktor had been scrubbed by Piltover's archive, but Sky's life has been completely wiped. Her death was implied to have been swept under the rug, and only described as the "loss of life" consequence from his Hexcore experiment.
Viktor was afraid of dying a senseless death (created by the conditions Piltover condemned his birth to) in obscurity and then he turned it into Sky's destiny.
#arcane critical#sky young#viktor arcane#how do you write like this and pat yourself on the back like you did a good job#like you wrote something deep#how do you write a level of fridging so insane it takes a franchise comic book character and their legacy of writers to get at#then have an entire movie and tv show created to rectify/deconstruct#that's the kind of story the writers gave sky#and what's worse is they really made it all about viktor#he's condemned her to die across multiple timelinelines as his assistant and then serve him in the astral plane#so he can keep cycling thru his dumb plan#i wouldn't be so angry about it if the show didn’t treat this whole mess as way more saccharine than it should've been#I'm fine when my favs are bad people but i don't think most of this fandom including the writers understand#the gravity of what Viktor's done to Sky#and somehow they didn’t notice Sky was black when they wrote her into very very very specific tropes for black women#arcane meta
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He can do this !
A comics based on the start of Chapter 2 of the fanfic "One step at a time" by OuterWilde.
*** Trucy and Apollo were too precious here with Phoenix, I couldn't resist to draw this scene that made me laugh 🥹
#ace attorney#phoenix wright#apollo justice#trucy wright#gyakuten saiban#fanart#narumitsu#DJESUS why I did that in full color LOL#It was a good challenge and a change since I mostly do in black and white#Because of my job it took me weeks to do it but I'm so happy I finally did it#THIS FIC GO READ IT PLZ#In the story he needs a haircut so that's why it's a little unkempt there#BTW I'm still at AA4 for now since I don't have the time to play it everyday 😭#I know a little for AA5 and AA6 stories but it's best I play myself for sure#comics#artists on tumblr#my art#fantasygirl974-art
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noodle stopper figures are SO cute 💙
#vocaloid#hatsune miku#ramen#food#art#vocaloid fanart#anime#maruchan#14 years i am still drawing vocaloid. good#illustration#i just got my first noodle stopper a couple months ago. she was already a very affordable figure but then she was on SALE too#and it was a pretty good sale. i love you bigbadtoystore mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah m#she looks cute on a little instant ramen and when she's Not on ramen she is on my monitor. i love her#i'm surprised there aren't more noodle stopper figures that dont have their own little ramen cups though!!!#share the ramen with your blorbo or waifu ....#one of my dream jobs is to design a miku figure. that probably wont happen cuz i dont really have an anime art style but#its nice to think that maybe i Could some day. just theoretically ..... just to Pretend ....
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People in the comments of the Assassin's Creed: Shadows trailer becoming armchair historians trying to explain why Yasuke shouldn't be a protagonist actually are hilarious. Like besties this is a franchise where people can control eagles with their minds and a good 5% of the population are descended from evil psychic aliens. I THINK we can expand on a story of Japan's only-recorded African koshō without it jumping the shark.
#Assassin's Creed#Assassin's Creed Shadows#Actually losing my mind at gamer bros trying to logic a story that's LONG gone off the sanity rails#Like guys I get that Ubisoft 'prides itself' on historical accuracy but like#Ezio did not set Venice on fire Connor did not start the Boston Massacre and Shay didn't set off the 1755 Lisbon earthquake#Like we need to establish that this series follows historical details in some areas and then takes batshit crazy liberties in others#I hate giving credit to Ubisoft for their balls but.....yeah that took some nuts. Good job guys.#Absolutely wild that they're dropping preorders already. I will be eyeing this game's reviews but you're insane if you think I'm preorderin#Seta speaks
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please tell us everything about titLITE please 🙏
okay so. firstly picture the whole tit set in your mind. now replace the backdrop with a projector screen and literally everything else with cardboard boxes. the humble cardboard box really carried the show.
the dioramas were cardboard boxes with pictures of the actual dioramas glued inside them. and naturally dan's ken was a qui gon jinn doll with a lightsaber who SPOKE and phil was goku. they got distracted by this a lot.
the golden pig was a tiny gold koala moneybox.
they did have sister daniel and father philip outfits wahoo!
they did not have boxing outfits rip. but they had replacement colour coded stuff! the boxing ring was made out of stanchions (those things they use to direct queues).
the phlit/mailbox/silver preshow question box was a little koala backpack.
dan said 'thank GOD we're not in america anymore. i mean, we love them, but thank god' a lot. they also acknowledged and appreciated their rpf win status.
caps still seem to be unavailable from the merch stands! photo cards also sold out.
had the time of my life 10/10 would go again.
#let me know if you have any other specific questions i'm so happy to answer#idk what's unusual really since this was my first time seeing stuff#and they did such a good job covering!#dan and phil#phan#dnp#terrible influence tour#terrible influence spoilers
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Nell grew up in the lords of fortune, which means for a solid few years there was a dwarven child just living her most insane life as the littlest lordling of them all
bonus closeup on the top illustration
#datv#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#rook laidir#veilguard#lords of fortune#nell#my art#my fanart#my ocs#lof sucked as a faction but i'm so in love with the idea of Nell being taken in by a band of thieves and pirates like a stray cat#she made for a great distraction on simple jobs and a very quiet infiltrator on bigger jobs#she wasn't cared for by a specific lord and she definitely wasn't looked after but she grew up pretty happy all things considered#not exactly a family unit??? she never had a parental figure for more than a week at a time#hence the everything about her#but she grew up confident in her abilities and full of love for adventure and the world and all things shiny#and that's about as good as a lost orphan can hope for in thedas#she slept in a treasure chest for a lot of her childhood and never had a bedtime
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Day 30 - Found
Featuring a young Stretch and Blue ⭐
#inktober#undertale#underswap#sans#underswap sans#blue#papyrus#underswap payrus#stretch#hiiii i'm still alive#I've had this half done in my folders forever#trying really hard to get back into the swing of things#my brain and body and new job are fighting#but i'm fighting back!#I just like the idea of Stretch being a really good big bro#and when Blue wants to play hide and seek#Stretch actually plays right#putting the ages at like... 12 and 5 here
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NAKTIS TYLI ⬩ mephistopheles tiefling ⬩ the archfey(?) warlock ⬩ outlander
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#bg3 tav#bg3edit#gamingedit#tiefling tav#tiefling#bg3 oc#miyku#baldurians#userwolfkissed#elminsters#userjai#userorion#userwaterdeep#useryuno#userairika#usereuryalex#my gifs#oc: naktis tyli#she always wanted to be a fairy alright#so when a being appeared in her room and told her that if she does a good job serving them she will be turned into one#naktis was like fucken lit i'm IN!#she likes mushrooms and tricking people#it was so much fun to actually have her in a dnd campaign i had such a blast sdfdsf
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Kingdom Hearts 3 - The Caribbean
#kingdom hearts 3#kh3#the caribbean#scenery#my gif#my favorite world in the game#it's so beautifully crafted and fun to explore#they did such a good job with port royal i'm no expert on the movies but i'm sure it's a super faithful recreation#there are so many lush islands to find with caves full of treasure. it's like a real pirate adventure#i'm glad that we're able to dive into the water because i really like underwater scenery and being able to freely swim around#i love sora's pirate outfit and that he gets a ship of his own to sail. he has such a blast in this world#the banter between sora donald goofy and jack while on the ship is a lot of fun too#big fan of how they integrated the organization's search for the black box with the chest that contains davy jones's heart#gotta love when the main story ties into the plot of a disney movie#the final cutscenes in this world are insane and so well rendered that they're almost indistinguishable from the movie#i sent screenshots to friends asking if they could tell the difference and they couldn't#not that i'm complaining because it really elevated the experience but why did they go so hard
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