#I just like the idea of Stretch being a really good big bro

[greenheartart]

Day 30 - Found

Featuring a young Stretch and Blue ⭐

[turtleblogatlast]

One of the biggest things that makes me see Leo as trans is absolutely the size of his carapace in comparison to his brothers’.

And I’m not talking about height! I’m specifically looking at his shell here, because when you compare him to the others, particularly Donnie who is nearly the same height as Leo, it’s very clear that Leo’s carapace is much longer in proportion to the rest of his body.

Like - standing side by side, even though Donnie is shorter his carapace ends noticeably higher up than Leo’s does. And I like this not only because it really helps push the idea that Leo could very likely be trans (or intersex!), but it’s also just a fun design difference between them.

(It also lends way to future scenarios of Donnie eventually getting taller than Leo, but sitting down still has Leo being the taller one haha.)

[iannmin]

what kinks do you think mingi would have?

KINKS MINGI WOULD HAVE ✮ | 송민기

TAGS • WARNINGS: smut, implied smaller reader x large!bf!mingi, dacryphilia, size kink, ddlg, breeding kink, marking, filming, use of toys, overstimulation (if you squint), use of nicknames, intentional lowercase in writing

A/N: girl i had to dig up some videos of mingi i watched on twitter to see what his possible kinks might be and,,, safe to say, mingi is the nastiest ahh man who only has two extremes - he's either your girliest babygirl princess or the daddiest freaky dom that mankind has ever possibly seen. so today i present to you the side of dom mingi <3 (•ө•)♡

୨୧ ‘ masterlist ‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹ ⋆⁺₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆⁺₊❅⋆ ⁺₊❆⋆ ⁺₊❅⋆

DACRYPHILIA

it’s not that he will purposefully make his s/o cry but it’s just that every single time he pounds into them, tears just can’t help flowing down their cheeks. and have you watched the video of mingi melting ice in his hands and staring so deeply at the PD-nim behind the cameras? im just imagining the same thing but when his s/o is crying from the overwhelming pressure, feeling all embarrassed at their tears and trying to cover them up with a pillow but mingi just throws the pillow away and grabs them by the chin and stares at them like that while he’s absolutely rearranging their guts O_O and he can just cum untouched by watching his s/o cry for him and only him. omg also to add on, mingi won’t lose the opportunity to place soft kisses on their tear-stained cheeks just because :)

SIZE KINK + DDLG

okay okay so mingi of course being a big ass giant has size kink just like yunho and san, the three nasty trio but anywayss his size kink it a little different from the other two as in he doesn’t really pay attention to himself but more on his s/o,, like how small their fingers are, how every human feature on his s/o seems to be a miniature version of his,, nearly like a human doll…and that’s where the little ddlg kink starts kickstarting for him. like bro, he’ll absolutely relish at the sight of his s/o sitting on his thighs wearing a thigh-high dress, and also,, there may or may not have been once where his s/o accidentally called him “daddy” the first time, and you could tell from the way his ears reddened, cheeks flushed, movement stuttered that he was gonna say “fuck, say it again”

BREEDING KINK + MARKING + FILMING

let me explain this trio combo kink killer. mingi loves marking. absolutely loves telling people that their s/o belongs to him, but oh poor mingi, because he has got a reputation as an idol to uphold so he can’t just possibly go around giving people hickeys right? so how does he do it? simple. breeding. filling them right up to the brim or maybe even spilling over, who will possibly know? so that’s where his breeding kink starts going absolutely bonkers and it just can’t be helped. and then he starts having this brilliant idea — filming. every time he gave them a little creampie, filling up their wet little tight pussy, he films it, and keeps it in his locked gallery for himself when he’s on tours. and just imagine there comes a day when he breeds you for real, and he films it. “f-fuck, baby m’gonna film us making our first child, hmm? gonna be such a precious memories…nnngh” but of course he shows it to no one.

SEX TOY

(bonus) umm…this is so mandatory like don’t you know those flesh light that looks like cylinders? those transparent silicone ones? if he’s feeling extra freaky he’ll probably slip it on, and thrust into his s/o’s hole WITH the fleshlight on to stretch them out to the fullest,, and have a lil size training session. of course it hurts but mingi’s soso good at convincing people to do things for him so of course you can’t deny when he comes to you all pouty like bbyeongming <3

[sturniololuvz]

Ok hear me out, so Nate and the triplets sister just started dating and they don’t rlly act coupley in front of the triplets and Nate is over for a sleepover but he doesn’t know what to do, if he should go sleep with her or the triplets

okayyyy

“Where Do I Sleep?”

Sturniolos + Nate x sister

Nate had been dating Y/N for a little over a month now, but in front of the triplets, they barely acted like a couple. Not because they didn’t want to, but because the idea of being affectionate around her three older brothers was kind of terrifying—for both of them.

So, when Nate came over for a sleepover, he didn’t really think anything of it. He’d crashed at the triplets’ house tons of times before. But now? Now it was different.

Because now, he was dating their sister.

And now, as it was getting late, a very important question was floating through his mind.

Where the hell was he supposed to sleep?

He sat stiffly on the couch, scrolling through his phone, trying to act like he wasn’t overthinking every possible scenario.

Was he supposed to sleep in Nick’s room like he usually did? Or was he supposed to sleep with Y/N now? Would that even be allowed?

“Dude, you good?” Chris asked, throwing a pillow at Nate’s head.

Nate flinched, looking up. “What?”

“You’ve been staring at your phone like it owes you money,” Matt chimed in, stretching his arms above his head. “You tired or something?”

Nate hesitated. “Uh… yeah, a little.”

“Then just go to bed,” Nick said, yawning.

Nate opened his mouth, then closed it. He turned to Y/N, who was sitting on the other side of the couch, pretending to be invested in the random YouTube video playing on the TV.

She definitely knew what was going through his mind.

Y/N finally sighed, standing up. “I’m going to bed.” She glanced at Nate for a split second before disappearing down the hall.

Nate froze.

Okay.

Was that, like… an invitation? Or was she just tired?

Chris leaned back against the couch. “You coming, Nate?”

Nate blinked. “Huh?”

“To Nick’s room, dumbass,” Chris said. “Or were you planning to sleep on the floor?”

Nate shifted uncomfortably. “Uh…”

Matt raised an eyebrow. “What’s your deal?”

Nick narrowed his eyes slightly, looking between Nate and the hallway Y/N had just disappeared into. Then, realization hit.

“Ohhh,” Nick said, nodding slowly. “I see what’s happening.”

Chris and Matt looked at him in confusion.

“What?” Chris asked.

Nick smirked, leaning forward. “You don’t know whether to sleep with us or go in there with Y/N.”

Nate felt his entire soul leave his body.

Matt’s jaw dropped. “Wait. Oh.”

Chris burst out laughing. “Dude. That’s hilarious.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Nate muttered, rubbing his face.

Nick shrugged. “Well, what do you wanna do?”

“I don’t know!” Nate groaned. “I usually sleep in your room, but now I feel like I should be sleeping with her—but I also feel like that would be weird because you guys are here, and—”

“Oh my God, just sleep wherever you want,” Matt said, shaking his head. “We’re not gonna, like, yell at you if you sleep with your girlfriend, dude.”

Nick snickered. “Relax, bro, we’re just messing with you.”

Nate exhaled, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, well, it’s not funny. I don’t wanna make shit weird.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “It’s only weird because you’re making it weird.”

“Yeah,” Matt agreed. “Like, it’s not a big deal. You and Y/N are dating, we know that. We don’t expect you to, like, ignore her forever.”

Nate hesitated, still unsure.

Nick sighed, standing up and clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Dude, just go sleep in her room. It’s fine. Just, like… don’t be gross.”

Chris fake gagged. “Yeah, for real, I don’t wanna hear anything weird in the morning.”

Nate shot them a glare. “Jesus Christ, guys, I’m literally just going to sleep.”

Matt smirked. “Good.”

Still feeling ridiculously awkward, Nate stood up and stretched, glancing toward the hallway. He could feel the triplets watching him like he was some sort of experiment.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Nate grumbled.

Chris grinned. “Like what?”

“Like I’m about to go commit a crime.”

Nick snorted. “Bro, go to bed.”

Nate huffed, shaking his head as he turned and walked toward Y/N’s room. He knocked softly before pushing the door open, finding her already curled up under her blankets, scrolling through her phone.

She looked up when he walked in. “Finally figured it out?” she teased.

Nate groaned, shutting the door behind him. “Your brothers are the worst.”

Y/N giggled. “What’d they say?”

“They basically roasted me for acting like an idiot,” Nate muttered, kicking off his shoes before flopping onto the bed next to her.

Y/N smirked. “You were acting like an idiot.”

He rolled onto his side, facing her. “I just didn’t wanna cross any lines.”

She softened a little. “Nate, we’re dating. They’re not gonna, like, banish you for sleeping in here.”

Nate sighed, nodding. “Yeah, I know. I was just overthinking.”

Y/N smiled, reaching out to play with the strings of his hoodie. “You always do.”

He gave her a pointed look. “And you don’t think about things enough.”

She shrugged. “That’s why we balance each other out.”

Nate chuckled, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “Guess so.”

Just as they got comfortable, ready to sleep, there was a sudden knock on the door.

Nate froze.

“Oh, hell no,” Chris’s voice called from outside. “I better not hear any weird shit in there.”

Y/N groaned, throwing a pillow at the door. “Go away, Chris!”

Chris cackled. “Goodnight, lovebirds!”

“Chris—”

“Goodnight, Nate,” Nick added teasingly.

Nate groaned, burying his face in Y/N’s shoulder. “I hate them.”

Y/N giggled, running a hand through his hair. “You love them.”

He sighed. “Yeah, yeah.”

Even with the triplets being absolute menaces, he couldn’t help but feel a little more at ease. They were just looking out for their sister, after all.

And despite their teasing, he knew—deep down—they really didn’t mind.

[ickylilboy]

I'm glad you liked the big/little bro frotting fantasy I wrote! I was really nervous. I have another one that gets me worked up hehe.

Big bro inviting you to watch a special movie with him in his room and sitting you on his lap. He turns on his laptop and pulls up the "movie" which is actually gay porn. You feel a little uncomfortable not understanding why the men in the movie are naked and wrestling on top of each other but you also can't curb your curiosity at what will happen next. Big bro moves your legs on either side of his and slowly spreads them. While you're fixated on the moaning men, he subtly sneaks his hand to your crotch and begins to manipulate your small hardening cock. You gasp at the sensation and try to protest, but big bro shushes you and tells you to keep watching. His dick is hard in his pants and presses against your little butt. You squirm from the feeling of his hand and the bulge at your back which just makes big bro moan and start stroking you faster.

"Does watching them make your pee pee feel good, lil bro?" He whispers in your ear as you can't help humping your tiny hips against his hand.

"Y-yeahhh, big brother" you manage to squeak out.

"One day, big bro is going to do what they're doing to you. I'm gonna stretch your hole with my cock and fuck you deep. It's going to happen and you can't stop it, baby bro. You know why?"

"W-Why?" You pant.

"Because that's what you were made for. To be my own personal flesh light. And you want to make big bro happy, right?"

You nod your head, unable to speak as big bro's hand rubs and squeezes your clothed cock. You have no idea what he's talking about. You just know that you don't want him to stop touching you. You're squirming all over his lap providing friction to his dick as he humps up against you. The sloppy sounds of the men on screen fucking and moaning mixing with your own grunts and squeals.

"Big brother is gonna give you all his love. It will be our little secret. As long as you don't tell anyone, I'll make you feel good like this all the time. Promise?"

"I- Uh uh promise!" you cry out, totally engulfed in pleasure.

At that, big bro moves one hand to your hip to steady you and shoves the other hand down your pants to grip your tiny pulsing cock. Neither of you are paying attention to the screen anymore as you close your eyes and moan like a bitch in heat while your big brother furiously jerks your little cock. You're practically bouncing on his dick and he has to hold you tight to keep you from flying off his lap. He grunts while bucking against your ass and moans icky things into your ear that makes you feel gross but oh so good.

"yeah, that's right lil bro, bounce on my cock. You know you want it. You love how good my hand feels on your dicky don't you? You gonna cum for me? Gonna cum from big bro rubbing your kiddo parts? Fuck you make me so hard, baby bro. Can't wait to be deep in your guts."

Your head is swimming from ecstasy. You never want it to stop. You love your big brother for making you feel so good. But all you can get out is "UH UH UUUHH" as you grind in his lap. Until suddenly, your body goes rigid and you're overcome with the most amazing tingly sensation you've ever felt. You clasp your hands against big bro's in your pants, holding it still against your cock as you wail "BIG BROTHERRR" and shake uncontrollably.

Big bro moves his hand from your waist to wrapping his arm around your body as you cum on his lap. He emits a loud groan and says "FUCK yeah! Cum with me lil bro!" And bucks wildly as his cock paints the inside of his pants white.

You both finally come down from your mutual euphoria, semi hard cocks twitching while you pant and lie against each other limply. After a moment of catching your breath you turn to look at your big bro and ask,

"Can we watch another movie?"

This ended up being WAY longer than I intended but I really hope you like it.

Oh my god yes

I need to frot with big brother like right now

It's not incest if it doesn't go in!

[billthedrake]

LINEAGE (PART THIRTEEN)

I didn't really want to go on the college visit trip at first. I told myself there was too much to do at home. I had to Brade look after 5 boys. Junior was pretty independent by then, but the twins were entering their terrible twos, and Ev and Keith were both impatient with two crying brothers throwing temper tantrums. Since Brade took care of a lot of the domestic duties, I looked after general household stuff, handled car repairs, that kind of thing. Plus work hours were stressful.

The deeper reason was that Brade and I were having an amazing honeymoon stretch of sex. The triplets news scared us, Braden particularly, but it made us excited for growing the family, really growing it. And the amplification of the pregnancy made us both crazy horny. I had to explain to Junior why I wasn't having sex with him as much, but he understood, even without me telling him. I was kind of scared to ask if he was still dicking Tim Carson, his baby daddy, or had gone on to another man.

But the minute I mentioned the idea of a college visit trip to Junior, I knew we had to go. My son-boyfriend was so thrilled for some one-on-one Dad time. And I know he was looking forward to college, to that next step in adulthood, and to playing golf for a well-ranked team.

So I took three days off from work and had my office secretary make my travel arrangements. The best golf schools were in warmer places, so that meant a couple of flights and some car rentals.

Braden hadn't begun to show - it was only a month since we found out - but I swore his muscular body was a little beefier when he hugged me good bye early in the morning.

"Dad... I want you to trust Junior," he said, in a "I know I'm your son but listen to me for a change" kind of way.

"What do you mean?" I asked. He seemed to have something in mind.

He shrugged. "I know you kind of want to pick his school for him. But let Bill find his own way." This was me and Brade's younger dynamic coming back. Me being a controlling Dad, Brade rebelling.

I was still stubborn. "I gotta think about tuition, Brade."

My husband was having none of it. "Junior can think about that, too. Trust him, Dad. OK?"

"OK," I said, to get him off my case.

The flight was early and Junior and I both dozed on the way. Before I knew it, we'd landed and were taxing to the airport. "I'm glad we're going to be on time," Junior said. He'd made all the arrangements with the schools. Golf coaches, athletics staff and general campus tours. Brade was right, if there was any high school senior you could count on for being practically minded it was Bill Jr.

That first day was a rush. At one point, I let Junior have his talks with the coach and walked around campus. It felt weird being here as a 60 year old man. Like time had flown by since I was in college. It had. I was fighting old age big time, hitting the gym as much as Brade and Junior and getting on a real health kick. If it wasn't Todd Fiedler showing me up, it was my own son partners inspiring me to be an in-shape hot DILF.

I envied Junior. He'd have the fun in school I didn't. I had spent my college years cracking books and working full time and raising Braden in a loveless marriage. It was a sacrifice I'd do again in a heartbeat, but damn the college bros walking around looked happy and carefree.

I called in to check in on Braden. I told my husband the visit was going well so far, and that Junior seemed to be enjoying the place. Braden caught me up with things going on at home. Evan and Keith were fighting over something. We'd gathered that puberty had hit Evan, and he was all of a sudden too cool to spend time with his little brother.

"It's always something, Dad," Brade laughed in the phone.

"Well, I'll let you have some alone time next weekend."

"Sounds awesome," my husband said.

Junior was in a great mood when I met up with him again. Beaming, unable to stop talking, just talking it all in. That's when I was really glad I'd done this trip. Stopped overthinking. Over dinner, my son filled me in, but also was weighing pros and cons.

"We'll have to see how Auburn is," he said thoughtfully as he finished up the french fries remaining on his plate. "Sometime places sound better on paper than in reality."

I had to laugh at his confidence.

"What?" he asked.

"I don't know, Junior.. it's just great to see you really excited about this."

"Am I not normally excited?"

"You're a hard worker," I said. "But that's different than excitement." I paused, though. "I can think of one particular exception that comes to mind."

Junior got my drift. He got a smirk on his face. "I bet you can, Dad.... I want you to show me how to be a hard worker for that, too."

God help me, I was getting hard in my jeans in the restaurant.

Junior could tell and he laughed. "That get to you, old man?"

I nodded. "You have a knack for that, buddy."

He looked around. We had to be careful with this game we were playing, but there was nothing incriminating in our conversation. "Payback for all the times you did that to me."

"All right," I whispered. "Least sexy things we can think of. Lima beans... your turn."

It took him a second to figure out what I was doing, then he chimed in. "Murdered puppies."

"Jesus, Junior!" I gasped.

"What? You told me... Sorry"

It didn't matter. My hardon had gone down, so the game had worked.

I paid the bill and we drove to check into the hotel. The room was air conditioned and cold as whiz as we stepped in and set down our bags. "I don't know what there is to do in this town, but if you want to check out the main drag.."

Instead, though, Junior was taking off his ball cap and tugging at the hem of his polo shirt to peel it off. "I just wanna stay in with you, if that's OK, Dad."

"Yeah, buddy, that's more than OK," I said with a smile. I removed my watch and kicked off my sneakers.

Junior was removing his shoes, eyes on me. I don't know how but his build had gotten more jacked over the last month. Junior had confessed to me he was going for that Brooks Koepka build, and while he had a ways to go, I had no doubt he'd get there, even with his extra height. "I want some incest time," he said, his teen voice getting that horny edge.

"Been awhile, kiddo. Sorry."

"Dad's House Rule Number One," he said. Daddy comes first.

Then I watched Junior peel down his jeans and underwear. That beautiful cock fell out. The one that had fucked Brade so well. The one that had already fathered one kid and undoubtedly would another eventually.

By the time I fully stripped down my prick was rock hard and standing up.

"Let's take our time, kiddo," I said as our naked bodies connected in bed. I pulled up the sheet to let us warm each other up.

"Sounds great to me, Dad. I fucking missed this."

"I won't lie, Junior, I missed this, too." I reached down to cup my hands around his hard golf-jock ass. Powerful and smooth, I could see Junior's smile as he in turn felt up my chest.

"You're an ass man, too, huh, Dad?"

"Pretty much," I said. "Doesn't hurt that my oldest sons have incredible asses."

Junior nodded. "Daddy's ass is off the charts. Big fucking round muscle ass."

It turned me on to hear Junior talk crudely about his daddy. "I'm a lucky man," I agreed.

Junior's hand moved to tease my nipple. "Daddy's pretty lucky too. Married to his father."

We were walking a delicate line here. Junior and I were clearly in our infatuated phase, but it was important not to rush into something too fast. "Incest marriage, buddy," I said, lust in my voice.

"So fucking hot, Dad. Did you propose to your son? Get down on one knee?"

I nodded. "I did, buddy. Braden was back from deployment and I knew my own son was the man of my life."

"Oh fuck..." I could feel Junior's cock twitch against mine. I loved the proximity and the intimacy.

"I love that we can talk like this, Junior."

"Shit, Dad, you have no idea. I love being your incest boyfriend."

I smirked. "Showing my kid colleges during the day, and getting naked with him every night."

"Yessir." His hand traveled down and wrapped around my hard prick.

"Feels nice, kiddo," I hissed. As much as I was loving this take it slow approach, I was starting to get really turned on.

Junior cracked a knowing grin and started slow stroking me. "Big fucking dad cock," he said. My second son was starting to get the knack of sex talk. Matching mine but with his own take. "It fucking put triplets into Daddy."

"You liked watching that, Junior?"

"Hell yeah. You're a fucking bull breeder, Dad." He gripped my dick a little more firmly then looked back up into my eyes. "I wanna learn from you, Dad."

I gulped. "Seems like you already got a pretty good start on knocking guys up."

I loved that proud smile on Junior's face, even as it made me apprehensive. My boyfriend LOVED the idea of making another man pregnant. I mean, I did, too, but I'd channeled that into making a family with Braden.

"I don't know, Dad... I mean, FUCK, I want to father a bunch of sons. Like you."

"Junior..." I said. Objecting, but also turned on.

"I know, Dad. I'm too young. But honestly," he said, getting a little bit of a defiant tone. "That's not what's stopping me."

I tried to suppress my Dad response. I needed to treat my son-boyfriend more like a boyfriend. "What is, Son?"

Without missing a heartbeat, he said. "You, Dad. You know I'm in fucking love with you, right?"

"Yeah, Son, I know." I gripped his ass playfully. "I'm in love with you, too." So much for the cautious approach.

"Like the way you love Daddy?" he asked. God, Junior seemed so open and vulnerable now. One second cocky, the next second THIS. I could chalk that up to teen hormones.

"Like the way I loved him when he was your age. Love evolves over a marriage."

"That's way cool, Dad," Junior said. "Thanks for sharing."

"We gotta feel this out, Junior."

I thought he'd be chastised but instead he nodded like an eager puppy. "Yeah, but that's the fun part, right? You're my first boyfriend, Dad. I'm enjoying every single first with you."

There was something about his tone that made me think there was something behind those words.

"Junior... you're not..."

He got a nervous laugh. "I've been thinking about it, Dad. A lot." He felt my cock twitch in his hand. "You like the idea, Dad," he observed.

"I do, buddy," I hissed. "But I'm not gonna push that on you."

My son was slow stroking me now. "You're not pushing anything, Dad. I think it would be incredible to lose my virginity to you."

"Please let go of my cock, Son," I hissed.

That got a real laugh from my son. "Quick trigger, Dad?" he teased.

I leaned in for a kiss. We didn't go deep, but Junior seemed to love the gentle tongue battling before we settled in on a classic French kiss.

I patted his bare ass beneath the sheets and pulled back. "When we get home, kiddo... if you're still up for it, we'll find the time."

"To break me in?" Junior asked. He knew how to talk in a way to get me fired up in lust but I think he just had a powerful sexual imagination himself.

"To break you in, stud," I replied. "If that's what you want."

He nodded, and bit his lip nervously. "Um, maybe we don't have to wait till we get back home, Dad?"

I gulped. "You pack some condoms, kiddo?"

Junior shook his head. "If we do it, Dad, I don't want anything between us... but Daddy gave me some birth control, and I've been taking the pills for a week now."

I'll be damned. THAT's what Braden meant when he talked about trusting Junior.

I smiled. Junior smiled in returned. Relief, excitement, and pure affection playing out on his face.

"You planned this, buddy?"

"Let's just say I hoped for it, Dad. Seriously, I've been thinking about this for SO fuckin long. And seeing how much Daddy enjoyed it when you fucked him..."

"Why don't we make a deal, Son?" I asked, my hands now moving up and down his bare flank. Solid and yet lean at 18.

"What, Dad?"

"You let me eat you out first."

Junior laughed he pulled off the covers and flipped onto his belly.

"I take it that's a yes," I chuckled, my hand already running up Junior's strong hamstring muscle to that round ass.

"That's a yes, Dad. I love how you've taken to rimming."

"Your Daddy doesn't get into it as much. I figured I didn't either," I said. my fingers traveled deeper into the crack. Junior hiked his golf jock ass up into my hand, eagerly.

"Go for it, Dad. Get a taste."

I settled in, my hands on his smooth buns now as I massaged the teen muscle and enjoyed how my neglected dad dick twitched in excitement. I pulled apart the buns and could see the dusting of peach fuzz in the crack and along the pucker. That virgin pucker. "FUCK!" I hissed.

I dove in.

"Fuck yes, Dad. Taste my hole."

I don't know how much of it was Junior enjoyed getting his ass eaten and how much he just loved the idea of men rimming. For now, I didn't care. Junior had shown me a new thing, a new sexual turn on, and I was enjoying the novelty of it. I prodded and licked and munched in steady succession.

"I know what you're doing, Dad," Junior hissed.

I leaned up. Not taking my eyes off his spit wet son-hole. "What's that, Son?"

"The kissing lessons," he replied. "Knocking on the Door. The Encounter. Classic French Kiss." Recounting the playful descriptions of kissing styles I'd used with him.

"FUCK!" I growled, leaning in for another swipe. I spit on his hole and now used a finger to push the saliva against the tightness of his cherry. "When do you show me The Need, son?"

I heard a pause. Junior was nervous all right, even if he was putting on a brave face. "When you're inside me, Dad."

I massaged his ass, imagining being inside him. There'd be no turning back. And, well, I really wondered if Junior would enjoy this. He was different than Braden, who was so clearly focused on my cock at that age, almost worshipful of the dick that made him.

"Since you're the planner, kiddo... did you bring lube?"

Junior nodded, his voice surprisingly quiet. "Front pocket of my bag, Dad."

I was rock hard as I got out of bed naked and went to rifle through Junior's luggage. I couldn't believe this was going to happen, and a part of me worried my son would back out at any moment. Instead as I turned back, Junior was stretching stomach down on the mattress and hiking his ass up.

"On your back, Junior," I softly instructed as I undid the cap.

He looked back at me. "I thought you said fucking from behind was your favorite position."

"It is," I said as I drizzled lube on my raging hard erection, then applying a good amount on my fingers. "Only it's your first time, buddy. We'll do it missionary."

I wasn't trying to be bossy. I just knew how this should play out.

Junior nodded and flipped on to his back. His 7-incher was pretty damn hard, which was a good sign. The nerves weren't getting to him that much.

I got into place, and Junior spread his legs to allow me to kneel between them. I reached down and gently tapped his pucker with my lubed fingers. "I'm gonna take my time, Junior," I said. "Open you up."

"Yeah," my son replied. "OK if talk some while you do? You know, sexual stuff."

"Of course," I said.

I gently began fingering him. A smile cracked on his face, and I could tell it was the psychological thrill of the penetration as much as anything.

"I watch too much porn, Dad," Junior said.

I arched my eyebrow. I had no idea where this was going. "Probably not more than any other teenager," I said.

Junior chuckled. "Probably not. But there's this one video where the top looks like you. Total DILF with a big cock."

"Yeah?"

"I've watched that so many times, Dad. Imagining it was you and me. That dad gets a little rough, you know goes really hard on his bottom."

"I'm not getting rough with you, Junior," I said.

"I'm glad," he said. "I mean I'm really fucking tight, right?"

I had two fingers in him now. "Crazy tight, Son."

"Tighter than Daddy was when you took his cherry?"

I'd have to ask Brade what he'd told Junior about our first time doing anal. But I now slipped a third finger in. "Maybe not, but your Daddy relaxed into it real quick once I was in."

Junior hissed. He was adjusting physically but also getting into this. He pulled his legs back further now. "Feels great, Dad."

I looked from his hole, where my fingers were sawing in and out and up to his face. "Yeah, kiddo?"

"I guess your dick will feel different." Junior was psyching himself up for this.

"Probably, yeah. I'm not a small man."

"You're perfect, Dad. Hot incest fucker."

"Junior..." I growled, letting him know how much he was turning me on.

"I mean, you fucked your first son and now you're gonna fuck a second."

I scooted up. It took some willpower not to go too hard in the penetration. But I paused and looked into Junior's eyes. "I want this so bad, Junior," I said. "More than I could admit to myself till now."

"We're Drake man, Dad. Our dicks sometimes do the thinking for us."

"Sometimes?" I joked.

"A lot of the time," Junior laughed. "I just want to feel your cock in me."

"I'm coming in, kiddo."

"Please."

Our eyes locked during that initial penetration. It stung a little for Junior but after a quick wince he returned my gaze and nodded.

"You're taking my cherry, Dad."

"I love you, Junior." My dick pushed in. It was tight but after clearing the initial ring the next inches were easier.

"God, I love you so fuckin much." He reached up and ran his hands along my upper body. "You're making me into a Drake man, for real."

"Jesus," I hissed. I was pushing all the way into Junior now. My son. My hot golf jock. My boyfriend. "You're pure Drake, no doubt," I said. "Already."

"Incest kid."

"Incest man," I replied. I pulled back and pushed back in. This was beyond the breaching phase. I was outright fucking my son now.

"Yes, Dad."

"Feel good, buddy?" I asked. His dick was hard but I needed to check in.

"Intense, but real fucking good."

I didn't go hard but I picked up the pace. Nice, steady father-son fuck. Junior's legs wrapped around my waist, me supporting my upper body on my arms above him.

We kissed. There it was. The Need. Junior sucking my tongue into his mouth.

I grunted into the kiss and started fucking for real. Hard, steady, strokes. Pounding my boy.

Junior's strong arms held on tight as we fucked. I had wanted to go slow, wanted to make sure Junior came first. But he wanted me to cum first, I could tell. His grip got firmer around my body and his legs clenched around my waist.

I almost came, but I needed Junior to feel the intensity of an anally induced cum. I slowed down and leaned up.

Junior was flush red from excitement and his cock dripping. His chest heaved, catching his breath, as he looked up at me. "You holding off, Dad?"

I reached over and grabbed the lube, pouring a thread onto Junior's uncut piece. Then I slid a pillow under his waist before taking his legs and putting them on my shoulders.

The pump was deep and a little hard but slower. Junior's eyes went wide. "Oh hell yes, Dad."

"I'm fucking my son," I announced. Hoping the hotel walls weren't paper thin. "Fucking his virginity away."

Junior stroked in time, eyes locking on mine as I built him up to a never level of sexual pleasure he hadn't experienced. "God, Dad... so fuckin good."

"Yeah, buddy... it's about to feel better."

Junior was getting that whimpery face. He was close, and his fist worked his dick faster.

"Your dad's cock in you... incest fucking you."

That did it. Junior's body clenched and heaved and his heavy cum flew out, all over his smooth chest and fur-dusted abs.

I know held his legs tight and gave a couple of faster thrusts. I wanted to cum before his orgasm wore off. In his daze, he watched me, excited that he was about to have father cum inside him for the first time.

"Shit!" I hissed. My orgasm blindsided me in its intensity. I shot hard and held my hips steady.

"God, yeah, Dad!" Junior cried. His hands openly caressing my hairy chest as I nutted inside him.

I slowly dismounted and met Junior in a soft, romantic kiss. "Thank you buddy, that was incredible."

Junior was on cloud nine. "I had no idea, Dad. I mean.... I knew I wanted it, but Jesus."

I patted his chest playfully.

"Would you be upset if I called your Daddy now?"

Junior shook his head. He was as proud of this milestone as I was.

I lay back and reached over for my phone. I gave Junior a wink as I pulled up Braden's contact.

"Hey Dad," he said. "What's up?" I could tell that he wasn't expecting me to call twice in one day.

"I just took Junior's cherry, son," I boasted. Even now, the view of my boyfriend, his body covered in his own cum, was incredible.

"Wow, that's so hot, Dad," he said, before lowering his voice. Maybe the boys were around. "I mean, I know he's been wanting it."

"Wanna talk to him? He's right here."

I handed the phone to Junior who had a proud look on his face. "Hey Daddy... yeah, more than lived up to them... So fucking good... Yeah... he's still hard now, actually.... yeah, maybe... I know... yeah, love you too, Daddy."

He hung up the phone and put it down.

"Fuck, Dad, I'm so damn happy."

"I am too, Junior." I scooted back closer to him, running my hands along his body. "Head over heels." I paused and looked at his face. I wanted to memorize that look he had. We'd grow out of this phase, wherever the sex and romance led us. I wanted to stop time. "Please tell me that wasn't the last time."

"Oh you're definitely fucking me more, Dad. This trip even."

We showered off then went back to bed to make out more, kissing softly, exploring each other's bodies. I raided the minibar to toast the occasion, and Junior and I talked about what incest dating was like with me and Braden at first, and how it developed. He asked if I felt guilty about being romantically involved with two sons.

"I was at first," I admitted. "But it just feels right now."

Junior smiled and ran his hands down my side. "You know, after the thing happened with Mr. Carson, I worried I'd never have this chance with you."

I gave a more concerned look. "I guess I worried you were doing this just to make me happy."

Junior shrugged. "No. But if I did, so what?" He gave me that teasing expression. "I bet you weren't so hesitant with Daddy."

I laughed. "Maybe not. I overthink things."

"It's cool, Dad. I do too."

We made out some more, softly at first, then more intensely. Soon, Junior was rolling me on my back and climbing on my lap, straddling me, reaching buddy.

"Buddy..." I said. "You're probably still a little tender down there."

Undaunted Junior sat onto my cock. "Wanna get used to it, Dad."

My hands were on his outer thighs as he slowly sank down then rode me. "Feels different like this, Dad?"

"Better?" I asked.

"Just different." His dick was rock hard against and swaying with each bounce onto my lap. "I wanna try every position."

"We will, kiddo," I said. Doubt and guilt leaving me behind completely now as I held tight and fucked up into my boyfriend. "Every fucking one."

[cloudyskydreams]

What do you think would be the first thing the skeletons (UT, US, UF, & HT Sanses mainly and any Papyruses if you feel like it) do once they get to the surface?

This is a good one! Right...i did them all lmaoo, the HorrorTale bros are quickly becoming my favorite they're just so ::3 <3 anyways I hope you guys enjoy this was really fun to think about and write!

Undertale:

Sans:

Not surprising but seeing the stars is the first thing he wants to do. He's waited his entire life to see them, listened to stories and read old star charts that fell underground and from before monsters were even forced underground. For the day he spends it with Paps exploring the city, at night they walk back to the mountain to gaze at the stars, he cries when he sees them too.

Papyrus:

It would probably be taking Sans out to explore with him so he can get even more ideas for future plans. While exploring he's trying to cross off the next big thing off his list which is making some new human friends! Doesn't really work out too well in the beginning as he scares a lot of people accidentally but he's not going to let that stop his adventure for that sweet sweet friendship

Underfell:

Red:

Finding somewhere to get a drink. After everything that just happened with the barrier braking, seeing the sky for the first time, tasting fresh air ect. Red needs a fucking drink. It's half in celebration and half to calm his nerves.

Edge:

He's with his version of Undyne making sure the monsters stay in their lane and nothing bad happens. Damage control basically. When he has some free time he goes for a quick nature walk to scope out the area, he'll take a minute to genuinely rest for once and enjoy the peaceful scenery surrounding him.

Underswap:

Blue:

Much like Papyrus Blue hits up the city for some exploring. He's a curious fellow and he wants to see what this entire new world has to offer to him. He'd window shop while pointing out new interesting things to Stretch who he dragged along. Wants to try some human food as soon as possible he's insatiably curious about some and he gets street tacos as his first meal above ground.

Stretch:

He's being dragged around by Blue lol. Not that he minds, he takes in the sights of the city sort of mesmerized. When Blue asks where he wants to go he'd either choose the botanical garden or an arcade. When Blue gets human food he's getting a corn dog and is disappointed when the stand doesn't have honey for it. Good thing he has his own.

HorrorTale:

Axe:

He secures food for him and his brother. He literally hunts down the first animal he can find and kills it to make sure him and his brother have food that night. If he hadn't eaten recently he might go a bit overboard and overhunt resulting in a small pile that he sits near and growls if anyone comes near.Once his dinners secured and Willow is by his side he enjoys the suns rays on his bones and drifts off to take the best nap he's had in years.

Willow:

Honestly my boys crying. He cloud watches as the first thing he does. Of course most of the monsters are immediately entranced by the sky and Willow is no different. He spends a good amount of time simply watching the clouds drift by and feeling the sun warm his bones. He's at peace for once and gods does he deserve it. Once he's done cloud watching he's gonna prepare the food that his brother caught for them while happily exploring the surrounding woods.

[girlboypersonthingy]

can I request a list of like green flags and red flags for each of the characters in voltron? btw I love your writing:)

Hello friendo, thank you sm! Thanks for the request, I adore this idea. Also…Sorry y’all, I was posting like every other day for two weeks and then I hopped off for like two months. Oof life is really life-ing rn. I honestly chose to write this prompt before a lot of other requests bc it seems like an easy and short thing to bust out quickly. I swear, I will get to the rest eventually 🩵 keep sending in requests if you’d like! And as always… ENJOY~

KEITH ❤️

Red Flags 🚩

TERRIBLE AT COMMUNICATING. We all know Keith is stubborn and easily overwhelmed with a short temper. He doesn’t really know how to talk to people without getting angry. He feels that bc he has a hard time explaining exactly what he means, people never understand him and that makes him mad.

Bro isn’t scared of anything…and that low key scares everyone else. Like…who isn’t afraid of anything? The whole team has tried sooooo hard to figure out what will get Keith to jump out of his skin and scream like a child but to no avail… Boy just doesn’t flinch, doesn’t care, couldn’t care less about bugs and rodents and clowns and heights or anything like that.

Wears his gloves in the shower sometimes. Like wtf ???

Green Flags ✅

Also bc he is not afraid of anything, boy will protect his friends/family/partner SO HARD. He will verbally AND physically tear someone apart just for looking at you the wrong way. Very protective and caring but in a good way ya know?

Actually very selfless and not self-centered in the slightest. Keith is very giving and helpful, despite his tough exterior, he’s very caring, observant and considerate. He’ll give the shirt off his back to someone in need. He’s always down to help others. Ugh Sweet heart ❤️‍🔥

Has a sick ass space wolf that will also protect you like COSMO IS A MAJOR PLUS OKAY BIG GREEN FLAG DOGGO

LANCE 💙

Red Flags 🚩

Obvi his biggest red flag is how flirty he is. Boy will flirt with anything that breaths and that can get really annoying sometimes and affect the rest of the team.

Jealous AS FUCK. Like the petty jealous type. Lance is the kind of guy to pretend he has a partner back home just bc some alien girl he was flirting with said she had a partner already. He’s like “OH YEAH? Wow cool me too, same same, yeah….” But homie’s ego is a bit sore now…

Lies a lot. Lance just panics sometimes and tells a lie. He knows it’s wrong and he always feels guilty after lying to someone but it always just slips out. His mouth moves faster than his brain most the time.

Green Flags ✅

THE BEST HUGGER/CUDDLER OMFGGGGGG. Lance is the best hugger and cuddle buddy ever, period, end of story, try to change my mind. His long arms always stretch fully around the recipient’s torso and he squeezes tight enough to make you feel warm but not smothered. Usually will rest his chin on the other person’s head if they’re short enough (so Pidge obvi).

Very aware of other’s moods/body language/tone of voice. Everyone thinks Lance is “the dumb one” but he’s actually very in tune with what’s going on in the moment, what’s going on around him. I think he can tell how others feel the second he sees them. Good intuition kinda thing. An empath for sure.

Very considerate and often remembers the little things about people. Does he remember what he learned in class just a couple days ago? Pffft heck no! Does he remember everyone’s birthday, every year and get them a very thoughtful gift? HELL YEAHH I LOVE THIS SWEET BOY OMFG 🩵

SHIRO 🖤

Red Flags 🚩

Honestly…idfk Shiro is so perf. Perfect baby boy all the way

Maybe he could seem too nice at first…? Like when someone is nice but ur like “are you for real? Or are you fake and evil and you’re hiding something?” I think Shiro could be perceived as being fake nice at first.

Omg I feel like Shiro is one of those “ oh no, that looks delicious but I can’t. I’m watching my carbs.” YOU KNOW SHIRO IS A GYM DUDE WHO COUNTS HIS CALORIES PLZ

Green Flags ✅

ALSO AN A+ HUGGER. Imagine those big ass arms holding you so softly and so close to his big, warm body. Omg so comforting, so relaxing. Often gives a gently squeeze just before letting go and pulling away. Ugh 😩❤️‍🔥

Literally the most trustworthy man in the universe. Will defend his friends, loved ones, and planet until the end of time. Shiro would die before revealing any secrets you’ve asked him to keep. The best person to vent to bc he’ll never tell another soul about it. He’s like a personal diary

Shiro is sooooo patient. Definitely the most patient one on the team. He really does take his own advice…ya know, patience yields focus 😌 very sweet, calm man. We love Shiro

PIDGE 💚

Red Flags 🚩

GIRL WILL WORK HERSELF TO DEATH PLZ GO CHECK UP ON HER, BRING HER FOOD AND WATER, GENTLY FORCE HER INTO BED SHE NEEDS SLEEP.

Lowkey kinda moody and can get snappy very easily. Pidge is a sweet heart and very smart and a good team player but she’s also stubborn and will yell to get her point across or make herself heard (she’s an Aries…what’d you expect?)

Sometimes very conceited and braggy about how smart she is. Like yeah Pidge, we know you’re a genius and you could code in your sleep. WE GET IT. UR SMART. GEEZ 😒

Green Flags ✅

Pidge is so baby. Yeah, she can get snappy and braggy sometimes but…SHES SO BABY PLZ FORGIVE HER. She’s just young and stressed okay? Give her a break. She’ll apologize eventually with puppy dog eyes and a soft voice and while she looks adorable, she is being sincere and really wants to resolve this.

Very loyal and determined. I mean look how hard she searched and fought for her dad and brother. She won’t stop for anything or anyone once she has her mind set. Pidge Will never leave you behind and will always turn back to help someone in need.

Androgynous royalty. Pidge is soooo chill about her gender and identity. We love a confident babe 🏳️‍🌈💚

HUNK 💛

Red Flags 🚩

Boy is too scared sometimes. I think Hunk has really bad anxiety and it’s not the anxiety that is the red flag, it’s how he copes with it…which he doesn’t. Hunk let’s his anxiety get the best if him sometimes…but he’s trying.

Honestly…does Hunk really have any other red flags??? Baby boy is so sweet idk 🤷🏻

Over eats to the point of getting sick sometimes…and never learns his lesson. (Me asf)

Green Flags ✅

THE SWEETEST MOST CONSIDERATE AND THOUGHTFUL MAN IN THE UNIVERSE OMFG WHAT A SWEET HEART 😩💛 honestly just a very good guy. We love Hunk.

Obvi his cooking skills!!! Can cook for any occasion, on any cooking surface, in any conditions. Can cook so many different dishes from so many rich cultures around the world! So talented. His food always hits.

THE ABSOLUTE BEST at cheering others up. Soooo funny and silly and kind and relatable. He tries so hard to brighten others’ days when they need it. Will stop what he’s doing just to go cheer up a friend or loved one and watch them smile again.

MATT 🧡

Red Flags 🚩

Interrupts A LOT. In any given conversation, he will interrupt and talk over someone else at least once every minute. Can get really annoying sometimes but in his defense, if he waits too long to speak up, he’ll just totally forget what he was gonna say.

Like Lance, I think Matt would be overly flirty and act like a Fuck boy sometimes. Like bro sit your nerd ass down, that person is SOOO out of your league plz chill.

Can not take anything seriously (unless it comes to his family or his or anyone else’s safety) but day to day, Matt makes so many dumb and inappropriate jokes at the worst times. Ugh 😒

Green Flags ✅

Very brotherly to everyone he considers a friend or family. Protective, constantly checking up on others, making sure they have eaten, asking if they need anything from him. He cares a lot. Bonus points bc he’s a very good brother to his actual sibling too. Aww Pidge and Matt are sibling goals. 🥹

HOT AS FUCK NO MATTER HIS HAIR STYLE/LENGTH. You can fight me on this. Matt is gorg and so is his hair at every single moment throughout the show.

Extremely accepting and open minded. Matt treats everyone he meets equally and never seems phased when he meets others so different from himself. He may ask some questions for the sake of his own curiosity, but would never pass judgment on another person.

[dellalalakang]

yjw: up first

masterlist | main masterlist

jungwon slowly discovers the pleasures that come with having a partner

contains: what they're doing is sfw! but it contains some spicy talk and some racy action. i guess it's 15+ 

oh hey guys.. what's up?

yjw

For the whole two years I (well, we) spent with Della, I have never once had any sexual thoughts about her. Not even when I heard the hyungs and her go at it like animals in heat.

I know Sunoo did, which is why he went ahead and did stuff after he turned twenty. We made a pact to not lose our virginity before everyone's an adult, and he took full advantage of the loopholes.

Though I don't blame him anymore, because I get it now.

I don't know what it is but a switch turned on. Everything seems different when you're twenty. Especially everything Della does.

"Kiss here?" Della pointed at the side of my neck. This is our first comeback since I turned into an adult, and they want kiss marks on our necks (excluding Niki). Incredibly suggestive and sexy. 

We were initially really against this, but turns out Della would be the one to leave the print, so I guess it's totally fine in the end.

But I'm up first and I've never had my neck kissed. I don't know why I'm so nervous. It's probably similar to a normal kiss, right? 

Right?

"Yup, just there," the creative director nodded. "Maybe have it slightly askew."

"Okay, understood," Della nodded, putting on a burgundy lipstick as the cameraman for our photoshoot sketch recorded her. The rest of the members were all watching from afar, trying to be subtle with how excited they are for their turn. "Ready, Wonie?"

"Mm," I stretched out my neck for easier access. "Della is gonna make a kiss print on my neck," I explained to the camera.

"We're all friends here," Della clarified. "This is just bros being bros," she said in English.

Yeah right, like Engenes (or anyone) is gonna believe that.

"It's just a print," I added, immediately holding my breath when Della's head moved close.

When it happened...

Yeah the kiss itself barely felt like much, probably because it was so short. 

Though as someone who doesn't understand what being ticklish is like, her breath on my neck left a weird sensation. I couldn't decide if I actually enjoyed it since it ended so quick. 

But I wanted more, I needed more.

"Like this?" Della asked the creative director.

"Uhh..." he stepped back and thought of it for a second. "It might be too sexy actually. It's a little too... suggestive– too grown up" he tilted his head. "Will buttoning up his shirt help? Jungwon, can you button your shirt?" from the corner of my eye, I could see the hyungs now openly staring at us.

"I think we have to discard the kiss idea and just switch to vampire bites," the creative director said. "Unbutton them to how it was before and I'll inform the makeup team of the change," damn, I hope the hyungs can control their expressions when the news gets delivered. "Please scrap this from the video," he informed the cameraman before walking away.

"I'll get going now," Della bowed her head and left to join the others.

"What happened?" I caught Sunghoon asking the girl. 

"The kiss thing is scrapped. We're getting vampire bites instead," immediately after, a chorus of 'ahh...'s were heard.

I barely managed to hold in a scoff. It's just one tiny neck kiss, what's the big deal?

If it's just one tiny neck kiss, then why are you wanting more?

Maybe it's good that I was up first.

"Hyung," I approached Jay as he was cooking. Deja vu. "Can I ask you something?"

"What is it?" I looked around to make sure no one was hearing.

"Is sex... that good?" what the actual heck, Yang Jungwon. That was not the question I wanted to ask. "I mean! Not sex! But like– l-like.. is there a reason why the hyuppas are so... horny..?" he let out a laugh and ruffled my hair before answering.

"What's got you thinking about this? Are you having dirty thoughts of Della?" I started to play with the sleeves of my shirt.

"The photoshoot yesterday was just... I don't know... Her breath on my neck like that... It just got me thinking," I shook my head. What is up with me. "Like you were all really looking forward to it and I wondered exactly why and figured it had something to do with... sex I guess?"

For God's sake, Jungwon. Do you know how ridiculous you sound? Your girlfriend left a PECK on your neck and now you're seeking advice from your experienced hyung.. again.

"Ahh, well I think that the intimacy of sex is like no other. The pleasure's great and all, it's basically like jerking off but better," he explained everything without halting his cooking. "The intimacy is what's amazing really. You know how good you feel when you make out Della? It's just that but tenfold."

That's... it? I expected him to go on and on about how life changing it is.

"Honestly I'm the wrong person to ask because I'm not as horny as the other three, but!" he stopped a bit to look at me. "I can tell you that you should start off slow. Based on your question, it seems like you've never even experienced neck kisses, and that is almost entirely innocent. You can just start off with that."

"I know that! I'm not gonna get into it and immediately ask for a..." I didn't know what the word was so I just mimed myself pumping an imaginary penis.

"A handjob?" ahh, that's what it's called.

"Mm! Anyway, I was just mostly curious as to why you guys are always getting at it," he raised his hands in defense after my point.

"Eyy, you should ask Della why her libido's so high too! It takes two to tango, you know– well... at least two in our case," ...gross. "–and for the record, the reason why we were bummed about the photoshoot's kiss cancellation was entirely out of possessive reasons like we just wanted to show off how we're Della's."

Well in that case, I'm glad that I went up first for the shoot.

'Just take things slow, Wonie,' Jay's advise was in mind as I approached Della's room. 'Start with neck kisses.'

Should I approach Della and be blunt about this? Should I just pretend like I'm going with the flow and vibe of everything? I usually go with the former but it's also usually never something racy.

I have to admit that I'm a bit envious of how her relationship with the other members have progressed. Our first kiss took place five months into our relationship, and it was only about a year later that we began to include tongue. We're progressing so slowly that even Niki is moving faster. Way faster.

I think I had this preconceived notion that things like french and neck kisses were sexual acts, and I learned very late that it isn't (always) true. Jay said that it doesn't have to be if they're gentle and doesn't contain any provocative intentions.

Well... what should I do? Do I have provocative intentions?

Am I thinking about this too much? Should I just ask her like normal? Is it too weird though? What if she thinks I'm lame? Does she already think that way becau–

My anxious thoughts were cut short when the door suddenly opened to reveal the devil herself.

"Jesus! 깜짝이야!" Della jumped and placed a hand on her heart. [kkamjjakiya = i'm sure you all know what it means because of jake]

"Sorry! Sorry!" I held my hands up in front of me. "I didn't mean to surprise you, I was gonna knock!"

"No, no, it's fine," she leaned against the door and let out a breath. "What's up?"

"Were you planning on doing something?" please say no, please say no.

"Just wanted to get some strawberry milk, but that's it," oh thank God.

"Can I come in and just chill? I miss you," she let out a smile before coming close to give me a peck.

"Of course, Wonie. I'll be quick," is it just me or does she want me in a different way? Her eyes are looking a little different.

Damn, I guess Sunoo wasn't kidding when he said that everyone has a bit of delusion mixed in them.

As I was left alone for two minutes, I came to a quick conclusion that I should.. start it off? Maybe I should kiss her neck first.

"You're in the mood to cuddle, darling?" Della took a long sip from her drink and joined me on the bed.

"Mmm," I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around her.

"Do you wanna watch something?" I can feel her gaze on my face as her fingers played with the hair by my nape.

"No," I opened my eyes to stare into hers. "I wanna kiss you though," was that too blunt?

"Eh? Do you wanna try something?" darn... she knows me too well.

Your cover's blown, Wonie. Just come clean.

...nah, I'm just gonna kiss her.

I didn't answer her question and just connected our lips together. Her mouth tasted of the strawberry milk she just drank, and her lips were a bit slick from her lip oil. 

But yet again, the kiss is going slow like it always is. It's usually how I like it but I'm over it now. I want more.

So I decided to take charge.

I gently pushed her on her back and got on top of her, deepening the kiss and adding tongue. I could feel Della hold her breath for a bit, possibly taken aback from the shift.

This is also a first for us. The only time we've ever hovered the other was for performances.

My hands went from her waist to the sides of her face, really getting into the kiss. She hummed and brought one of her hands to my cheek while the other kept their grip on my hair.

Here goes nothing.

I slowly pulled away and immediately started pressing kisses down to her neck.

From what I've observed (mostly from Heeseung), I'm pretty sure that her 'sweet spot' is located under her right jaw. Otherwise why else would they constantly target the same spot over and over again.

I'm not really sure what makes this spot so sweet and I'm also unsure why everyone's is different. I'm guessing it means the person's ultimate pleasure point.

When I reached it, I started to just gave out small pecks which eventually turned to normal kisses.

I could feel that the vibe was a bit awkward based on how tense Della was. It was as if she didn't want me to kiss her neck.

"Wonie– darling," she pat my shoulder. "Give me a second," but before I could fully pull away, Della had already used her strength to flip us over so she was on top. "Lemme try first," and then she attached her lips to my neck, just like that.

She started leaving open kisses from my Adam's apple and slowly travelling towards the right side of my neck. I didn't realise that I was holding my breath until I breathed out when she reached a certain spot.

Again, I'm not a ticklish person by any means but I'm guessing that this is what it feels like.

But it feels amazing. It's what I imagined having your neck scratched as a cat would be like.

It's really, really nice.

Without even realising it, my throat let out a small moan while my body just stayed frozen in place, unable to fully comprehend what was happening.

She relaxed her posture and focused on that one spot, tilting her head to kiss deeper.

I began to let out soft moans after moans as her tongue swirled around the skin. 

"A–ah!" I hissed when she started sucking lightly. "Lala," I start to notice my stiff hands and brought one up to her hair.

"Do you like that, Wonie?" she whispered against my skin. Fuck me.

"Yeah," I breathed out, caressing her hair gently.

"Was this what you wanted to try out?" she giggled in between her kisses. I felt her mouth and tongue circling their way around the area. She wasn't in the exact same spot as earlier but the ticklish feeling was still there.

"Mm," I held my breath as she began to suck some more. I heard her let out a low chuckle.

"Cute," no fucking way.

I immediately placed my hands on her back to turn us over again. Her lips automatically detached themselves from my neck and the surprise was clear in her eyes. Especially when I pinned her hands beside her head like they do in the dramas.

"I'm not cute," I pretty much mumbled. 

I caught a glimpse of myself on Della's mirror and quickly did a double take at the sight.

"Oh my God," I whispered in English, stretching my neck to get a clearer look at the marks she left. This actually happened and is actually happening.

"They'll fade away in half an hour or something. I didn't suck too hard," Della bit her lip.

"Thirty minutes, huh?" I looked to the mirror again. "Now that you've taught me, I guess I can suck a bit harder," I turned back and stared into her eyes.

"Gotta make sure the members know what happened."

I'm really glad I was up first for the shoot.

please i hope my creativity is back and is willing to stay

bonus scene in my first acc!

taglist: @duolingofanaccount @lalalalawon @clar-iii @deafeningballoonpeach

[catsharkzzz]

greifer beats up plant hunting guys for fun and his anger issues :3 also cause he’s forced to like plants , cause I personally think he has a plant curse like vine staff. except it’s a big plant not a tree. And like the venomshank aggravates his curse to become.. dat thang..

coming back to plant guys, he used to look at those posters on the town’s board or something to look for victims. he’s just really bratty and aggressive, and he wants a way to relieve it without riling up his dad.

I also think he was more nonchalant before he got corrupted by hatred.. like “does it look like I care?” type of person, Since mayor thaniyel says “Brad!!! This isn’t like you!!” so he wasn’t always like that .. nonchalant but a bit loud at times.

tho I will say, Brad has probably always had hatred for his dad. but when u go back to Griefers crib, him and his dad aren’t there anymore. like his dad took him to the hospital and that tamed some of his hatred .

I don’t rlly know why he has hate for his dad but it’s probably something personal he will never tell us. even tho we’re pretty good at keeping secrets , and we will become besties in demo 4 like the cruel king, confirmed by campy , pic is on the wiki. tho campy hasn’t completely decided whether we fight brad or plant separately.

what I’m begging for is that we visit post recovery brad in the hospital? or clinic? and he apologizes or something like that. and gives us the call card. If this happens, we might also get a gift from mayor thaniyel for helping them . I actually have another idea, but it’s a bit of a stretch. we cure/help him recover from the curse, or at least almost stop it from happening. ya it’s a stretch

- utensil

all of this is good and all, but i really dont think brad would have ever hated his dad. im so going to take this as an opportunity to dump stuff ive been holding onto for monthhsss bro all the scs below are from back when demo 3 like . first released, maybe a couple days after. for some prefacing, i have a whole headcanon about brad/greifers biological father being guest 666 (or roku, as i call him) ; who himself has fathered much too many children to count across multiple universes. and brad is one of them. brad doesnt know anything at all about his biological father, as he was surrendered to thaniyels doorstep as an infant. he's no idea who his mother is either, as a result.

none of this really has anything to do with your stuff you have going on at all, im sorry about that... i just have been WAITING to get all this stuff out. so thanks for the opportunity at least!

[samstclair]

Joel Miller's Survivor

Joel Miller X Reader

Anonymous Request

"Hey Sam! Hope you're still alive. You've been like ghost, and I'm getting worried about my request not being fulfilled, AND your health, of course or whatever! Yeah so can you get to it already? Joel X reader, simple. Can you make Y/N be like traveling with them or some shit? I don't know. But do your thing when you've crawled out of your hole!"

Word Count: long bro

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As you lied in your bed, rotting (you have not gotten up in the three hours you've been awake [so now it's almost 12 in the afternoon]), feeling like absolute dog shit for:

1. your empty tummy, 

2. not having showered in a week despite you paying your water bills, 

3. your internet running at the speed of a geriatric snail so no more fan-cam edits, ALSO despite paying your internet bills, 

3. just feeling like an overall ball of grease and oil that could, if necessary, fill a car's gas tank, 

4. not having gotten up in those three hours, 

and 5., perhaps most importantly, the world ending :(

you gazed out your window into the morning (afternoon, actually), light that peered through. It was scenic really, little puffs of dust, some asbestos tinkled in, gliding softly in the air. It hit you - this is not fun or fresh. This sucks dick, actually. 

You rose, stretching, a big big biiiiigggggg stretch, cracking every conceivable bone in your body, trying to avoid looking in the mirror that could potentially reveal your physically-troubled state. You didn't even have to look to know the condition your hair was in - actually let's not talk about the hair. You'll spiral. If we can't see it, it's not real :D

"Fleabag said it best. Hair IS everything," you thought to yourself, thinking about avoiding the mirror. "Oh my god I could SOOOOO binge Fleabag right now -"

But you knew that wasn't an available way to veg out. As mentioned before, your power, water, and internet were out. You supposed it came with the world ending and all. 

"Grrrjsdjaksdfnbdsjdskjjfs," your tummy said. You cradled it like a mother holding her child. 

"Mama needs to eat soon...", you thought wearily.

You rose and peered out the window - and it was the same old shit. Those cracked-out girlies were still on the prowl, being the biggest cockblocks you've ever encountered in your life for some good food. 

"But girl, we gotta eat! We have to soon," your brain said. "You can't keep this shit up! REAL calories and shit actually do matter!"

"But bitch how? Those fat asses on the street are gonna try to toss up with you again!" the other side of your brain said. 

"So what? You're gonna keep living off three-month old Halloween candy?? Those Twix's are tasting more like the processed chocolate that they are every DAY! Stop playing around and gaslighting yourself into thinking they're good, girl!" the other side argued back. "THINK about it. You bought those to sneak in to watching Dune in theaters. And not even the second Dune, the first. They're literally vintage." 

"What's stomach gotta say?" the other side shot back, quite angrily. 

"Grhjdkajdjsjdfoifdiosiojf," your stomach replied. You knew what that meant a little all too well - your stomach couldn't take it anymore. She wasn't even sentient enough to respond.

"FUCK!" you bursted aloud! So loud that the cracked-out girlies out on the street got startled and did a little jump! 

You absolutely HATED being hungry. If this experience had taught you anything, it's the appreciation of a good ass fucking meal. You were, after all, a self-proclaimed 'fat ass bitch'. So how were you gonna live up to that now? 

You began to reminisce about your favorite dishes, even though you knew it wasn't gonna be a good idea for your mental health. 

Bandeja paisa...

Pickles...

McDonald's cheeseburger with Big Mac sauce...plz McDonald's worker, don't forget the sauce........

Publix sub...

Mango chunks with tajin...

Provolone cheese and salami...

Korean corndogs...

A fat ass burrito...

Little Caesars breadsticks...

Auntie Anne's organic cinnamon rolls...

Vodka pasta...

Coconut chickpea curry...

...a bowl of assorted fruit but none of that honeydew cantaloupe bullshit...

"FUCK!" you yelled again. They also jumped! again. "How the FUCK did I go from drinking tiki cocktails on the beach to the WALKING FUCKING DEAD?!?!?!?!??!!!!! I DON'T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING RICK HERE PROVIDING FOR ME!!!"

You slammed yourself back on the bed, ready to cry - both from the acceptance that this was your new reality and slamming yourself a little too hard that you felt a spring bust up into your thoracic spine. You hated yourself for talking shit about that cantaloupe and honeydew. Yeah they're ass and should NOT have a place in a fruit bowl but that was real fucking food. Real SUSTENANCE!!! And what did you do? You fed it to the fucking seagulls on the beach and used it to pelt those fuck ass middle schoolers who wouldn't stop quoting Adin Ross, when you could have enjoyed it yourself. Had it been now, you would've Iron Clawed those birds and children for those two dookie ass fruits just for a taste of something REAL. Not moldy chocolate from a Costco bag that you snuck into Lynch's Dune. (Yeah girl, I'm not talking the Timothee one. I'm taking the Kyle MacLachlan one. I said they were vintage!)

How did we get here?

Well, we'll revisit this question later, cause right now you have come to one FINAL decision - food. You. Need. Food. 

"Fuck it bro," you told yourself, tears welling in your eyes as you climbed out of your bed and made your way downstairs to the exit. "If there's no fine-ass cowboy police officer with a big ass nose to do it for me, I guess mama gotta do it herself." 

You slipped on your old-reliable Crocs (the Lightening McQueen editions so you could go fast), then opened your back sliding glass door as to avoid the crackhead girlies on the street out front, the sun nearly blinding you solar-eclipse style. You felt like a hostage released from a hole after months of being, well, held hostage. 

"Is this what Saddam felt like?," you thought.

A wave of complete euphoria went over you as you heard the birds chirp, the wind fly by, the smell of green grass with a little hint of deteriorating carcasses - it felt GOOD to be outside. Though you have had some bouts of homebody phases, you were never not missing the great outdoors. Besides the mosquitoes and the balls-hot sun, and the occasional dead bodies. But, you reminded yourself, we have to make the BEST of these types of situations. 

You closed the glass door, quietly, cause those electric-chair looking victims had the most insane hearing, (making, admittedly, quite jealous since you're sure you lost a percentage of your own hearing prematurely after the introduction of AirPods.)

You then walked across your now overgrown garden, which under any other circumstances, could have passed off as a big whimsical fairy garden with the grass now being several feet tall, little ladybugs and shit nestled between. But now, shit made you feel like you were in a jungle back in 'Nam, circa 1970, pushing the foliage out of your face as you got across, bracing yourself for running into a spider web or a gnat smacking you in the face. 

Once you saw the backyard gate, you opened it quietly and peered out onto the street - it was quiet, ODDLY quiet, with not one of those cockblockers in sight. You knew better, however, looks can be deceiving. We all thought those Polly Pocket outfits looked pretty good, but the gastrologist telling your parents that their elementary-school child has a rubber dress lodged in one of their intestines actually isn't pretty good. 

You crept out, tiptoeing like a cartoon character or Drake sneaking past Travis Scott to whisper his verses on MELTDOWN, making sure to stay EXTRA vigilant of your surroundings. You needed to master the art of NOT disassociating, which basically meant undoing all your previous masterings of the craft. It was extremely difficult, but it was needed - slipping up LITERALLY means death here. On some for realizies shit. On some getting eaten out by and not in the good way shit. (That was disgusting I apologize - Sam)

As you crept down the street, passing down the backdrop to your average end-of-the-world surroundings with moldy houses and charred cars, you tried to remember the way to the Target. You were shit at directions and there was no Apple Maps to help you now. You just had to rely on your primal instincts of location - which, suffice to say, were usually not that good. But, when food's involved, you could track like a Neanderthal holding a spear hunting a fat ass mammoth with a posse of your fellow Neanderthal girls, you know, like, primal. 

You turned the corner, sure of where you were going and worried about your luck thus far. No zombie in sight oh shit never mind there's one across the other side of the street. 

It kept twitching in its tweaked state, continuously running into a fence since it was blind with that ugly ass toe fungus all up in its face. 

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit," you told yourself. Asshole clenching, toes squeezing downward, you calmed yourself down. It was the blind one so girl you're good! Just creep by quietly, ain't nothing to it! 

You took in a deep breath - tap in tap in tap in girl! Just walk on past! 

"Okay, okay," you told yourself. "Girl CHILL! Let's go okay, one, two, three - oh fuck I'm fucking shitting myself -" 

But then, it hit you - you literally had no reason to be scared. You literally lived in New York. You took those subways, you knew how to handle characters like that. 

Like a light switch normally does, you switched. You felt all that fear drain out of you, like the shit you took earlier - quick and easy (it was diarrhea, so, not really a good analogy metaphorically). You walked on down, even giving a friendly wave at the fungus girl. They're people too! You remembered to tell yourself, you CANNOT judge someone by their appearance! They're just going through it, I mean, after all, we've all been in that depressive episode/state before. Why hate when you can relate? Exactly!  In all honesty, your hair right now probably isn't making you look well-adjusted. We all have our bad days <3 Just don't look at them too long and you're good! 

As you passed by, it occurred to you - you have not been out in a MINUTE. All that hubbub and for what? You just had to wave and walk past. This brought a refreshing smile to your face, happy that you were grounded back to your reality. 

"Pharrell was right. Look at the birds," you told yourself as you strolled along by, "look at the bees."

Though there were no birds or bees in sight, and the possible thought crossing your mind that you hallucinated the birds' chirps earlier, you thought it best to live in this pretend state. It helps being fake happy sometimes, after all! More and more that carbon dioxide leak in your house was sounding less like a theory and more like a fact!

You continued on, now remembering the area - Target was only a block or two away. Just in and out and oh shit there's another depressed tweaker right in front a couple feet away from you. 

This time, it wasn't one of those fungus girls. It was the one who could see AND hear. Talk about double fucking whammy. And she clocked your ass, head swinging inhumanely fast to look you straight in the face. 

"DAMN BITCH! YOU UGLY AS FUCK?!" you thought to yourself, unfortunately your instant, innate reaction.

"Hey, girl!" you said, friendly, trying to maintain your mindset from earlier. You waved and walked past, she seemed so taken aback from your friendliness that you left her stunted. She just stayed behind and watched. And on you walked on blissfully. 

But you weren't walking for long when you heard the pitter patter of those steps RACING behind you. You whipped around. Again, you were shit at directions and feet and all, but you were PRETTY sure that you'd walked several feet farther away, so why was the ugly fungus-but-no-fungus girl HELLA close to you right now?

"What?" 

The girl stopped, now confronted. 

You waited for a response. 

Apparently, so did she.

Y'all just stood there, silent.

......

................

...............................

..........................................

"Girl, I said what?"

Nothing. 

You shrugged, rolling your eyes and turned back. But again, that pitter fucking patter. 

You whipped around, quicker. She stopped her running, caught again. 

"Bitch, chill. I know your ass is not chasing at me," you warned. 

Nothing. Again.

You turned back around, walking a little faster. "Flaka drug ass bitch," you said under your breath. 

Pitter. 

Patter.

You whipped around again so fast you gave yourself whiplash and vertigo at the same time. 

 She stopped. 

"Bitch," you said, annoyed. 

"Ahfsjjdshhuweuifw," she mumbled. 

"I'm sorry?" you asked, genuinely confused at her mumbling. 

She had a dumbfounded face, despite not having the greatest ability to make expressions (half her face looked like those Barbie dolls Shane Dawson used to incinerate back on old YouTube). You inspected her closer. She definitely needed some Accutane treatment, cause apparently everyone ALL gave up skincare this year. 

"Sadjksfjdksjc," she snarled again, "sdfhjdsf, sdfhuwjsjioisd?" 

"Girl, I don't know," you replied, sassy. "I don't know what the fuck you're saying, to be honest."

"Sjdklasjfoijdjdisjfids," she mumbled.  

"Girl, speak the fuck up!"

The zombie huffed. "SJDJDFSAFIDSD!!!!" She put her hands on her waist, annoyed too.

You felt bad. You genuinely had no idea what she was saying, and it didn't sound like it ended in anything you could just reply with a quick and safe, 'yeah' or 'thank you' to. You couldn't even fake laugh. Awkward. Awco fucking taco. 

You two just stood there, face to face. A little standoff, perhaps? 

This encounter reminded you of the first time you encountered one of these girlies. It was on your walk home after you left your White Lotus resort from your month long stay....

"Ghrskjdsksfs," the girlie said from behind. It made you jump.

"OH MY GOD!" you yelled, both out of fear of her popping out of nowhere and of course, her appearance. "Girl, I don't wanna be rude, but you look BUSTED as fuck!"

She didn't respond. You soon found out she took offense to that.

She began to follow and chase you all the way home and up to your doorstep. High key on some harassment shit. You had to barricade yourself in, cause girl was trying to hug you or something and you love being nice to strangers but didn't wanna contract bed bugs, so you pushed the bitch down the porch in time for you to lock that door. She fucked up your Ring camera too from banging on the door, so shit was personal. 

You did NOT want to get physical with this girl now, but if push comes to shove, LITERALLY, then it'll have to do. 

And that was your mindset from then on. Anyway, back to the Western standoff:

"Okay, girl, look just back the fuck up, okay?" you warned. "I'm being like - soooo serious right now." 

You turned back around and continued down, a little hurriedly and checking behind yourself a little more often, but that girl got the memo. For a few more blocks, she was out of sight. 

You hated being rude, but, that's what being a girl entails sometimes.

"Horror nights came a little early this year," you told yourself, shaking your head, "some people don't have any self-awareness at all. So sad." 

Finally making it, you saw the big ass red target signaling it was a Target up above, with some extra cute greenery and mold growing inside of it. You liked the whole post-apocalyptic aesthetic, actually, but we keep that to ourselves. Other people's disadvantages are not cute to make an aesthetic out of, after all.

Inside, shit was ran SACKED. Others had gotten there before, the shelves wiped clean (figuratively, cause the shelves were filthy). It gave you STRONG COVID flashbacks. But, you were not here for toilet paper, you were here for FOOD, remember? 

You went to the back, avoiding broken pieces of glass and other unidentifiable and possibly tetanus-infested objects, looking for the produce and dairy section. It smelled of dampness and poop. Not great. 

"While I'm here, I wonder if they have some tampons, maybe? Actually, maybe they have some ZYN?" you wondered. After all, no one was readily available to supply you with an Elf Bar, your original being LONG dead. A girl still needed to tell her nicotine craving to chill out. You weighed your options: 

Having reciting gums > not having ZYN

Hmm.

Yeah.

Options seemed to talk for themselves. 

Anyway, you kept searching for any remnants of a SEALED package of food, but, unfortunately, there was none. If there were, it was moldy to the house boots down and def not edible to most people. You rummaged through and through, over and over - nothing. 

You took a deep, shaky breath in, feeling those panicky tears coming in, your hunger more unbearable. 

"Dude it's that, it's that I'm about to lose my fucking mind, bro," you mumbled manically to yourself as you continued to rummage like a raccoon. This made you sympathize with them, those girls live hard lives. If you were RJ, you would've stolen that bear's food too.

You picked through the remaining bags, inspecting the see-through plastic while holding it like it was an object from Chernobyl - at the very tip with the most minimal amount of skin to package contact possible. You held them up to the light and god forgive you, gave them a little sniff. When you made that mistake once, you assured maybe it was best not to do it again, the mildew-rotting scent so horridly offensive to your nasal passage that it nearly catapulted you into the ether. 

You sat down, ready to welcome that panic attack breakdown, but soon shot yourself up after smacking your ass right into a cold septic puddle of rainwater (or so you hoped) dripping from the rotted ceiling. In just in your "I <3 ORLANDO" Spongebob-themed PJ shorts, you were never more sure that you just contracted yourself a yeast infection. And by the way you also caught a glimpse of your hair in the reflection of the puddle. 

And this was it. 

You broke. 

Your hair looked like Beetlejuice. 

You looked like Beetlejuice.

YOU LOOKED LIKE BEETLEJUICE?!?!?!?

"I'm losing my mind? I'm losing my mind. THIS IS SO FUCKED!" you exclaimed, oddly enough in the exact likeness of Shane Dawson's freakout in that one instagram live reacting to Tati Westbrook's YouTube video. (What's with Shane today?) "Oh my god? Oh my god?"

You were manic. This was it. This was it - 

But wait - you forgot the canned food section? 

A lone Chef Boyardee ravioli sat on the shelf, waiting, seemingly, just for you. She looked beautiful. Stunning. Heavenly. 

You feverishly snatched the fuck out of that can, and in such power popped the lid off wide open, the colors of that red tomato sauce and surfacing ravioli packets swimming delightedly. You did it. You tapped into your inner Neanderthal, strength and all.

You downed that shit all in one go, feeling its room temperature-ness sink from your throat down to your intestines, down past that lodged Polly Pocket dress, into the acidic pit of your belly. You felt all your stomach cells jump collectively with such joy, imagining the cheering sounding just like what Horton heard on that speck. 

You smiled so happily and genuine, with the exact likeness of Mark Weins. 

You moaned, quite audibly. It was delectable. 

You had to hit it, you NEEDED to hit it, just like Mark - 

"Mmm, woooowwAAAGAHAHAH - "

"- SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHCCHCHCHHCHHC CRAASH BOOMMOMSMDF JSAFJSDSFHSJDHFJS - "

" - OH SHI -"

-You ragdolled onto the floor -

"- WHAT THE FU -"

-Fragments of cement bursted all around you -

"-BRO WHA-"

-You went blind-

And then, it was all silent.

Your moment of bliss completely evaporated, by a blue pick-up crashing into the Target, right into the produce and dairy section you were in seconds before, in another world...

Your ears rang, you were covered in dust, with the remaining red Chef Boyardee sauce all up on your face. 

The entire building SHOOK with more pebbles and asbestos from the roof dropped onto the floor, along with the rattling of the glass windows.

The sound of insane gunfire soon followed. 

You remained soldier-style onto the ground, like one taking it for the team by taking in all the impact of a land mind, belly to the ground. Though you couldn't see it what was happening, your soy face was NASTY. 

"Bro whaaatttt????" you whispered. "All this for toilet paper????" 

"TA-TATA-ATATATATATA," said the gunfire. "PPAPAPAATATATATTAAAA!!!!"

You crouched up, peering a little outside, to see a car on fire, along with more of that loud ass fucking gunfire and people ducking for cover. Shit was a real Call of Duty game. Shit was a real war zone. You were stupefied, stunned, SAT! Then, to the right -

"SCREEEECHCHCHHCHHCHCH BOOOF BOOOM PAPRATATATATA!!!!" More cars whipped around the corner outside, like for real Fast and Furious shit! 

"Uh," you thought to yourself, no longer wanting to watch like a noisy pedestrian, "uhhhhhh, yeah this ain't for me. A girl like me is NOT supposed to be here! This ain't my business! War is for boys <3"

You quickly made a go for the exit, only to find it blocked by some grown ass man and child. They quickly clocked you, safe to say, both parties knowing that seeing another person this close right now is not a great sign. 

The man pointed his gun to you as he stayed down with the girl, avoiding the incoming shots. 

"Wait, THEY'RE the ones being shot at?" you realized, "nah bro I'm good."

"Oh, don't mind me!" you quickly said in your sweet, customer service voice, "I'm just gonna, gonna go ahead and, yeah," you inched closer to the back door and saw yourself out to the alleyway behind the place, managing to casually dodge every incoming bullet at you by a hair. After shutting that shit behind you, you stood straighter, dusted some of the dust off, and thought it best to go on back home and pretend that nothing happened, as always.

You actually ended up knocking out NASTY in the alleyway. Like, unbeknownst to you, multiple of those fungus girls walked by you thinking you were already dead. 

You stirred, delirious and confused, like an old person snapping out of a moment's dementia. It was nearing sundown by now, with the sunset casting its glow on the desolate alley buildings. 

You rubbed your slept-swollen face after you cranked yourself up with shaky ass arms, genuinely trying to remember the events that brought you here in the first place. You were like a shell-shocked vet. 

"Bro...where the fuck....?" you looked around, trying to piece everything together - but you thought that might be too much work, so you opted to doing your own version of the Irish goodbye and leaving without addressing the previous events <3. 

"I get those frat boys. Last night really WAS a movie," you thought as you walked out of the alley, looking left and right trying to remember how the fuck you were gonna take your ass back now - like NOW cause nighttime is not the place to be around these girlies. You played Minecraft. You knew the vibe. They seemed to be more rabid and unpredictable, which safe to say, is NOT your fave combo. You could so fuck up a bag of Combo's right now.

You dusted more dirt from your SpongeBob shorts, and tried to fix your botched hair, but was briefly and heavily distracted by a dust particle getting into your eye - causing such emergency and panic. 

"Oh fuck oh fuck no get out get OUT!" you worried, trying to pry whatever foreign conspirator of a dust particle that was currently committing espionage in your eye socket, albeit looking quite disturbing doing so. 

After prying that bitch out, you wiped your face and to your fucking dismay, spotted red stains all up on your hands. Your heart fell to the empty distilled pits of your stomach, to the pits of your gooch - 

"IS THAT FUCKING BLOOD? OH MY GOD AM I FUCKING, LIKE, HURT?!" you freaked - you were quite literally wounded in battle. You took a sniff. "Oh, just tomato sauce. I'm so silly!" 

You smiled to yourself happily, slowly remembering that ravioli - the one highlight of this mess. Your tummy rumbled. 

"If only there was a cart full of foo - oh my god there's one right there," in front of you was a shopping cart that apparently spawned out of nowhere filled with goodies. Literally perfect!

You approached it, mesmerized by its contents - more canned ravioli, Dolly Parton's buttercream frosting, a tub of fresh watermelon, some bags of gummy worms, some bags of Wingstop wings (with fries and ranch!), tubs of water (of which you credited this random shopping cart being sent from some higher power because it wasn't Dasani or Zephryhill), Combo's and, perhaps most importantly, a jar of spear dill pickles. 

You could've cried. 

And you did. 

But you stopped after like ten seconds because remember it's nighttime a girl needs to GO!

You took that shopping cart and began walking down the scene where that Fast and Furious ass scene went down, now lifeless of any activity but bullet-riddled crashed cars, piles of broken cement, dead bodies, and random spouts of smoke. You felt like just a girl, walking down an average street in New York, living a single, nepo-fueled and quaint life. 

"If only I had my headphones," you thought, now saddened that your phone and sound-proof headphones had been long-dead. "I LITERALLY pay my fucking bills, like?" 

You continued walking, just a girl with her shopping cart, when you spotted a clearing in some forest area, which seemed very familiar to you. 

"Lowkey, I think this is a short-cut to my house?" you said to someone, apparently. (There's no one around you but that's never stopped you.)

You went down into the wood, like a girl with just her shopping cart going through a magical Studio-Ghibli-esque forest that sprouted between two demolished buildings into some portal into the spirit world. Though it was pretty difficult to push the lowkey-broken shopping cart on anything but flat flooring, causing you to have some bouts of intolerable anger so powerful it helped you yank the wheels stuck on uprooted roots, you thought, "hey, things could lowkey be worse? Like, let's just remember what Vanessa Hudgens said, 'Like, yeah, people are gonna die which is terrible but like...inevitable?' "

And people did die, BUT, you did have Wingstop fries, so. 

And now, it wasn't just a whole shopping cart of goodies that you would return home with, but some granola?!

A pile of perfectly placed granola sat pretty on the ground in front of you, with some berries and yogurt bits scattered in - just fucking delicious and any vegan mommy's dreams.

"Oh my god," your mouth salivating, inhumanely - a Kubrick stare fell over your face as you eyed the fuck out of that horse feed.

"I could lowkey fuck UP some granola," your stomach said, the only decipherable thing she's said in a loooooooong time. Long time.

When you clocked out of your gaze, you walked on over, ready to scoop up the entire pile, relishing in the self-fulfillment and satisfaction you imagined was what those Neanderthals felt way back when. This little hunting and gathering thing we got going on here? Ain't that hard. 

You stood over it, grabbing the pile that happened to be conveniently sitting on a plastic mat, attached with some strings that went places you didn't really give a fuck to know about. All that mattered, was that the stars were aligned for you tonight, the moon must've been in your favor. You didn't need a tarot reader to know that life, well, was good now. Life laugh love even through apocalypse <3

"Man, mama eaten GOOOOOOD tonight!" you bellowed, giggling, dancing slightly back and forth like the fat ass you are, "I wondered if the Neanderthals ever dabbled in a little grano - "

"Grhasjdhfsdsknfjs."

You froze. 

Ain't. No. Fucking. Way. 

You looked up slowly. 

"Biiiiitccchhhhhh," you said, in disbelief. 

"Grajsdhfsajdsk," she said, more sassier than ever. 

"No - NO! This is MINE!" you warned the same fungus girl from earlier. She stood, several feet away, creepily standing in the dark now that the sun was pretty much set. Let's just say, HELLA liminal spaces-core. HELLA ominous with it.

She didn't reply. Instead, she began creeping closer to you, looking at you up and down like an old man checking out a girl walking by who HAPPENS to be in a tank top. You loved your LGBTQ+, but girl needed to be a little smoother in her approach! 

"No. Back off NOW!" you shot back, now standing straighter. After some time out in this life, you learned it's best to approach these girls like you would a bear, if, ideally, you were able to keep yourself calm enough so much so you could think clearly - just stand straight and tall. Stand your GROUND stand your GRANOLA if you will. 

"I'm warning you, girl. No means no. I found it first, fair and fucking square." 

She kept coming, now closer than ever. She wasn't taking no for an answer. You almost gagged at her peeling face, icked the fuck out, but didn't wanna be THAT outwardly rude. She was looking you up and DOWN. (It admittedly boosted your ego up a little, like, were you lowkey hot right now?)

It was clear she wasn't backing down. Your bear tactic went down the toilet. 

She began running. 

Full. 

Speed. 

"Jesus, fine we can share, girl, okay?"

Let's just say, she meant business. Bitch was about to pimp-slap you across the face for that granola. 

"Bro it's that I said we could shaAAAAAAAAAAA - "

But itt was too quick. Too sudden. 

One moment you were about to post-up with the fungus tweaker and the next you were plummeted to the ground by an unseeable force, every ounce of wind pushed out from every crevice of your body, the granola popping into the air like confetti that became shrapnel against the fungus girl, lodging itself into her already fucked-up face.

You gasped for air, in complete shock, whatever force holding you down to the ground - you looked up to see what actual 200+ pound of muscle football fuck just tackled you. Is the granola like the football right now? Did you just touchdown or whatever right now? 

It was him - the same guy from earlier. 

You were too exasperated to speak, literally non-verbal. All he saw were your wide ass eyes, gaping open mouth begging for air like a fish out of water (fish don't breath air, little fun fact! :D) and Beetlejuice hairdo, some tomato sauce still crusted around your lips. 

He suddenly lifted himself up, whipped out a bat from his side and beat that fungus girl to DEATH. Like, BEAT. 

"Oh fffff - uckaaaa," you were able to muster, "there go my Chiro sessions -" 

You rose up, struggling, feeling physically and spiritually like a stomped-on roach, watching this man absolutely go ballistic on the girl. She wasn't even identifiable anymore, just a big mess of red gross goo and shit. 

The little girl from earlier stood closely, like you, just completely entranced with the very ugly and quite frankly inappropriate violence for a child like her to be witnessing. It was like the Reddit 50/50 challenge all over again. (P.S. so like if you look up what that challenge is DON'T press images like I absentmindedly just did literally right after typing that to see if it was still up - Sam <3).

After he was done wailing, he stood straight, caught his breath, bringing himself back to reality from that outburst. He wiped blood off his dome and looked to you, a face of both complete disappointment and disgust that only comes with a man 50 and up. 

Your short-tempered, therapist-diagnosed anger flew over you - physically raging like a boy who got his house blown up by a creeper in Minecraft. Again, what did we say about nighttime???

"You. Fucking. DICK!!!!" you spat, your control now completely lost, "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT FUCKING COSTS FOR A CHIRO SESSION?! DON'T YOU KNOW THEY DON'T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE, APPARENTLY?!??! DO I LOOK LIKE TRAVIS KELCE?!?!? DO I LOOK LIKE A QUARTER POUNDER OR WHATEVER THE FUCK?!?! ARE YOU TRYING TO ROLE PLAY AS TAYLOR WHEN THE CHIEFS WON?! I AIN'T A FUCKING SWIFTIE LIKE THAT!!!!!!"

After your spewing, you took a deep breath. It felt pretty good, you even smiled. 

His face fell. 

"Are you fucking crazy?" he bellowed back, "Are you out of your mind?! What were you thinking?!"

"I was literally JUST sharing food. I had that handled. I was like, breaking - breaking bad. Like Jesus..?" you knew there was something wrong there. Now you felt embarrassed. "No, wait - that's bread. Whatever fuck it I FUCKED THAT UP! But I'm NOT meth head, I'm NOT LIKE HER!" you pointed at the now mass of flesh and fungi. Gross. 

"I just saved your fucking life," he now came in close, towering over you and pointing, intimidating and furious. His southern drawl was in full action. (Uh oh you found this hot little does he know). "That granola back there was a fucking deer trap!" 

"Well," you started, biting your tongue like a mom, "it seems you've trapped my 'deer' ol' hear -" 

The girl stepped forward before you could finish that not well-timed flirt. "Wait, aren't you from the supermarket? Earlier?" she asks, now laughing, "That was crazy!" 

"Ellie, don't." The man stepped back, guarding the girl from you. He was weary. "Who are you?"

"I'm me," you said, arms crossed, unplucked and overgrown eyebrows raised. "Who are you?"

"Joel....?" the girl named Ellie said, worriedly. He seemed to chill out a bit. He looked over to her with a face that read: Don't worry. I know this bimbo means no harm." 

During that moment, you really took the scene in - and that scene? This man in front of you with the hick ass name Joel. Joel? Well, 

"Why he kindaaaaaa," BOTH sides of your brain said. "No, no I can't. Not here and not again, like time and place," you thought to yourself, but unbeknownst to you you said aloud. Safe to say, they looked at you oddly.

But you couldn't control your thoughts or your emotions. They are, after all, your thoughts and emotions which are usually, like Vanessa said, inevitable? 

He was tall, burly, and graying - with such a masculine aura it was insane. The strong, silent types, as your ex-boyfriend/ex-sugar daddy, Tony Soprano, would've adored. His whole rugged look - dirt on the face, unkept hair and facial hair, tired eyes, somewhat smelly...

Then it hit you. 

Is this it? 

Is this him? 

Is this your RICK?????

You didn't realize it, but you were staring. Not in the Kubrick this-bitch-fucking-crazy way, but in the, this-bitch-out-of-it way. You shook yourself back to reality. If you were going to bag this man, you needed to act indifferent. 

A moment went by, no one spoke.

"Well.... y'all gonna eat this?" you asked, motioning to all the scattered granola.

They didn't reply.

"Okay slay!" You bent down to start picking up all the pieces. You weren't, after all, gonna let all that go to waste like these bozos would. 

You popped one in your mouth, chomping that stale piece. "Mmmm. Mhm. Yeah. Sprout's. Def." 

You continued to pick them up, the man named Joel now scoffing in disbelief of the situation. You perked up and turned to the Ellie girl. "Hey girlie, you want?" 

Ellie the girl happily grabbed some, chewing on it for what looked like the first time. You were confused, judging, but thought it best to not judge. 

"Ggrjsdfjsakjdfska."

All three of you stood straight, frozen. 

Another fungus bitch pulled up, arms out and perked up at the sight of y'all - his possible little buffet. He had on a Vineyard Vines t-shirt and a pair of Sperry's. In summation? Ugly. His face was also fucked up.

"Oh, my god," you said, over it, "what ever happened to finders fucking keepers? Y'all getting on my damn NERVES! Hold this girl," you passed the collected granola into Ellie's arms. Joel, getting prepped to probably curb stomp this once-private and probably racist schoolboy, soon stopped once he saw you step up to the ring. 

As mentioned before, you never liked to resort to violence, but there comes a time...

You grabbed that zombie by the hair, and began to wail on it with one punch after another, grabbing it's man-bun ponytail and slamming its body onto the ground, continuing to obliterate it's my-daddy-has-a-boat ass, completely disassociating with anger. 

Joel and Ellie watched in both horror and amazement at your abilities. 

"You fucking bitch back the FUCK off bro!" you muttered. The last time you fought with this same manner and vigor was in the school bathrooms over a juul. Those cookie-monster PJ pants girls taught you well. 

Once you landed him in an induced coma, you rose up, took in a deep breath and searched his Bermuda short's side pockets, feeling for the all familiar shape. And there she was. 

You pulled it out - there she was in all her beauty. 

"Speaking of!" you said, examining the blueberry fume. As mentioned, it was just like those bathroom fights. "Yes YES! I used to know a girl who FUCKED these up! I just KNEW he'd carry!" 

Just then, the rich boy moved. You clocked it, and kicked it on its side. It rose and quickly ran off, frightened, as you continued to yell some more obscenities. You hit the fume - shit was still kicking. 

You turned back. "Sorry guys, I'm just, I try to be patient with them, and I am, don't get me wrong. I know COVID has everyone acting, you know, off their shit but," you looked to the now deceased fungus tweaker. "Poor girl. She just wanted some granola bits." 

Joel furrowed his brows, very confused. "Why would you be 'patient' with them? They're infected!" 

"Hey! That's not a nice way to characterize victims of diseases - drugs are real, like don't you know about fenty? And I'm not even talking about Rihan -"

"They're runners! They're not human!"

You turned back to the limping 'runner', now confused too. 

"Runners?" you asked, turning back. 

Joel nodded. "Yeah. Infected. Undead." 

"You mean, like, zombies?"

Joel took a minute, seemingly embarrassed that he hadn't thought of something so obvious as that sooner. 

"You know," you shrugged, tired, blowing out an obnoxious cloud of smoke from the fume, a cloud, if you will, "they're just going through it." 

Ellie looked to Joel, unsure of what to make of your comments. 

It was now nighttime, and after massively failing to locate or find your way back home, Joel, out of pity that you were a bit of a bimbo, allowed you to stay with them for one night. 

You all were camped (ew I know) in the middle of a forest, it was pitch black outside all except for the small fire in front of you all where Joel had baked beans cooking. Apparently, your perfect shopping cart with the goodies vaporized into the air, because it was nowhere in sight after the whole shabackle and hubbub. Joel suggested in a, what you swore was, passive-aggressive way, that you were so starved you began hallucinating it. You knew that was most probably the case but would've rather eat a fungus off one of those 'runners' or whatever's faces than admit that. And you would've, again, rather eat that toe fungus than mentioned your probable house's carbon dioxide leakage.

Anyway, back to the scene - Ellie is knocked out in her sleeping bag, leaving you and Joel to sit across from each other in a pretty awkward silence as you ate those gross ass beans. There were some moments you caught yourself about to complain about them and claim they tasted like 'dick', but thought it best not to. But, you needed to say something about this, you couldn't just hold it in. 

"How's the beans?" Joel asked, quietly and moodily as usual.

"Tbh," you said, the first thing spoken in like an hour, "...I just want, like, sushi, man."

His face fell a bit.

"But this isn't bad! Trust me!" you quickly tried saving yourself, feeling very quite bad, "look, I've had beans in England. Some say the bean capital of the world, there's literally a dude from there named Mr. Bean. And this is so much better."

He was too confused to reply.

You felt a fly buzz by your ear - one of your number one hated sensories to be crossed - and smacked it. You HATED the outdoors too, as much as you hated these beans. It reminded you of when you had exited your home after months being inside and how quickly that 'touching-grass' shit got old. 

But still, no complaining. 

You glanced over at him, and you couldn't help but think - man this dude looks familiar. Very familiar. You weren't sure if it's just cause you haven't seen another person in some time, or in this case, another man in so long that your brain basically said: "man = every other man" and that's the reason you thought he looked 'familiar'. But, no, no - you'd SEEN this man before. Did you have a dream about him? No, that was Rick. Actually, now that you thought about it, he lowkey looked like some of your ex's? 

"What's your name?" you asked, trying to break the awkward silence. You knew, but had forgotten. 

He hesitated, his grumpy ass chewing on those beans. "Joel. Joel Miller." 

"Oh my god, you're real?" And that was it - THAT'S why he looked familiar! "I literally wrote a fan fiction about you in class, and submitted that as my final! Everything really does come full circle when you think about it." You went back to eating your beans, waiting for him to respond, which he didn't really do a lot. You thought it best to move on. 

"Well, Joel. Can I tell you something?" 

He hesitated again, a little longer. "What?"

"So like, I've only been out here for like, a week? Or two? To be honest I don't remember. Could be a month, but like, what happened?"

"What do you mean what happened?" that southern drawl coming out more now that he was annoyed/mad that you'd even ask a question like that. 

You shrugged and looked around. "Like, all this?" you said, obviously. 

He let out a tired breath.

"Well, there were this fungu -"

Just as he was about to explain, you interrupted, unknowingly, going on more about your cluelessness. 

" - Like, one minute I'm in a resort, you know, the White Lotus one, sipping marg's on the beach, for like a month? My ex-boyfriend slash sugar daddy at the time, AND I only say ex cause he hasn't gotten back to me since all this shit happened so I just assumed he broke it off with me but whatever, that's not the point, Tony - Tony's his name - paid for my stay. It was great, I was living pretty, you know, lavishly? VERY lavishly, actually. I was tanning, being massaged, going through a whole cleanse, you know? No phone, no internet. I had a bunch of books recommendations from TikTok, but to be honest I didn't really read them cause the words just don't process, you know? You just need to bring it with you to make people THINK you read, you know? Anyway, I'm there, and who do I see? Fucking Jared Leto! Yeah, that creepy ass bitch! He had his whole cult there, like they're weird Jonestown retreat or whatever, and I wanted to join cause it looked fun but I knew I probably couldn't be married to him, you know, how all those cult leaders are. Anyway whatever, it was great. I was having a great time, Big Ange was even there and she left me her green glasses and I've been meaning to give them back to her - "

"- Where'd you say you were staying at again?"

"White Lotus? In Jersey?"

"There's a beach resort in Jersey?"

"No, I know what you mean. It's where Tony was from, but it's a faux beach. The beach? It's faux. Stops the smell of rotting 'whacked' bodies, you know, cause that's not very resort like?"

He nodded, he understood. 

"Yeah. Anyway," you said, annoyed he interrupted you, "I'm there, in my room, sleeping, and there's a knock at my door. I go and it's the lobby guy or whatever, he's like rushing me out telling me about how my stay is over cause there's a cold going around and I have to leave, like? I'm sorry, I paid - well Tony paid - for the whole month and a half? But what am I gonna do, you know? So I'm like fine fucking party poopers, and they kick me out, like a fucking cartoon, down the steps of the place and toss my luggage. At first I was mad, cause like, what's a little cold? And then I look outside where they kicked me out and the world is like, over? Everything ended? Over a fucking cold? Shit was like, demolished. And then they shut the door behind me leaving me to fend for myself, like I'm sorry? Do I look like Bear Grylls? Do I look like 'Survivor'? Like I got this shit handled? So whatever, I walked back home and let's just say: Culture. Shock. Insane. Like, whaaattttt? Covid was worse than I thought! Then I get home, my power's out, my water, everything. And shit was DIRTY! Like as if I'd been gone for twenty fucking years. I couldn't check Twitter or anything, it wasn't loading so I couldn't find out what the big deal was. Like, guys, can we talk about the political and economic state of the world right now? AND I had a blister on my toe from the walk! It sucked!" 

(Told you we'd revisit! Now, we're revisited!)

Once you were finished with your impromptu story time, Joel intently listening, he went onto explain after the whole lore of the political and economic state of the world right now, how it wasn't even political or economic, just a virus. Shit was crazy. Fungus, coffee beans and spinach, Fire fly people, rations, explosions, the whole deal. You were tapped in, realizing you didn't space out cause he was just so fine to look out you genuinely cared about what he had to say. And he said it. 

A sullenness came over him, and you hated to say - it was pretty hot. But time and place! It just occurred to you that he didn't seem like the type to open up, so him being vulnerable just made you think, wow, he's a human! And he's hot! 

After he finished, there was a sad silence in the air. 

"Man....covid really was worse than I thought," you replied. 

"Now do you get it? They're not real people or 'girlies'. They're infected," he said. "Do you have any experience with them? Besides the one you beat on and scared away today?"

"What makes you think I don't have any experience?" you replied, with a little flirtatious-sass in your voice. You knew you didn't have experience. 

"Cause no experienced person would have willingly beaten up an infected the way you did without fear of being scratched or bit. It was reckless and stupid what you did."

"Yeah but I fucked his ass up," you said, hyping yourself up in the process. "But lol you're kinda right. Nah, yeah the most experience I have with zombies is Black Ops. Those bitches give me the heeby JEEBIES!" 

"You think this Tony is still alive?"

"I don't know, actually," you said. "We got into a pretty bad argument before I left, that's why I left, you know, to the resort, for some space and a break between each other. So I doubt he'd call me back now." 

"What about?"

"He's like a big animal guy, you know? Whatever, his fucking horse died and I literally didn't know, no one told me. There was a candle lit at the vet when they were putting him down and I was like, as a joke, 'guys! It's lit right now!' and he was all like, 'what he fuck is wrong with you?'. He was annnnggrryyyyyyy. I didn't read the paper beside the candle saying to be quiet, that they were putting it down," you said, shrugging. "Really sad. She was a pretty horse, you know? Cunty." 

Joel nodded. This was all a very serious affair for him. It bummed you out, everything was so serious and sad out here. 

"So these zombies aren't girl's girls after all? They're like, anti-girlies?" you asked, mainly as a statement of fact you were coming to terms with rather than a question. 

"I guess so," he said. "Whatever the fuck that means," he also said, not as audible. That explosion earlier left you more partially deaf. 

He looked down and continued to fiddle and play with his beans with his fork, not taking much interest in his appetite anymore.  There was a moment of silence between you guys, more comfortable than before. You both felt the bond of this shared experience bring you guys together a bit, in this very moment. He didn't feel much of a stranger anymore, and neither did you to him. You felt, truly, he was a man who lost something too...

The solemness on him, again you hated to admit, you found very attractive. EXTREMELY attractive, actually. The last time you saw a relatively attractive man was months ago at the resort, and he was, unfortunately, (but not unfortunately for the gays) a gay man. RIP ARMAND <3. So safe to say, you were rabidly horndogging. He was the type of man that has a LOT of shit going on, but doesn't talk about it, but DOES look like it. 

But you knew how to handle this - it wasn't your first rodeo. 

"So are you, like, single, orrr...?" you asked, sheepishly, acting like you are so not trying to get at him right now. 

"Why do you ask?" he replied, somewhat guarded. 

"Well cause you got a daughter and all, like is there a wife orrr - ?"

" - She's not my daughter." 

"Damn. Okay. So you're like babysitting orrr?"

He thought for a moment. "Sure," he replied, cautiously. 

"Man, you're just triggering my daddy issues!" you joked but it horrendously didn't land, "just kidding!" You giggled, casually and nervously. What happened to time and place?

TIME JUMP!!!!!

Remember how I said Joel just let you stay with them for one night? Well now it's been like six months and you're halfway across the country, in another truck! Yay!

Despite him giving clear signs that you two were to part, (not wanting to outright DIRECTLY say so cause he didn't wanna be rude), it was clear you weren't able to those read social cues that well. (Actually, you did, you read them quite well, but wanted to pretend not to because he was now your Rick and you lowkey mentally imprinted on him on some Twilight shit). He eventually gave up all hope, pitying you in a way. The only positive he saw was how you did all the talking with Ellie, since his ass is basically mute.

You became a sort of bigger sister/cool aunt for her, which you ate the fuck up. You had to fill her in on EVERYTHING: the Dramageddon lore, the Challengers summer experience, Ariana Grande/Spongebob fiasco, Kendrick v. Drake beef, Jojo's Karma's a Bitch and how she's the first self-proclaimed lesbian to ever exist, Colleen Ballinger's ukulele apology, finding out about the Queen's death and Twitter, the Montgomery riverfront fight, and more that aren't too important to mention. You thought it best to fill her in on shit a girl her age would fuck up, like what kid cares about the political and economic state of the world right now? Anyway you two got along very well, she made you giggle and you made her giggle, the perfect vibe! Joel lowkey admired you for, (and found it hot), the way you were with her. What could you say? All those years in early childhood back in high school meant something after all! Not just D grades and getting caught with a cart in your backpack!

Speaking of Joel, he definitely wouldn't show it, but like I said, he began to like you a bit. Actually, fuck that middle school shit and 'liking' - he began to FALL for you! On some romantic period piece shit! And who wouldn't? Besides those moldy Spongebob shorts, crusty yet fast Lightening McQueen Crocs and Beetlejuice hair, you were a natural beauty! Girl you were bad asf!!!!

Now in another pick-up, y'all were moving cross cuntry. You had your feet out the window, letting them get that breeze as you watched the Microsoft Windows default wallpaper-esque landscape pass on by. Ellie was in the back reading her nerd ass comic books, while Joel drove, of course, in silence. You were literally his passenger princess. If only you had a phone and AUX, cause your Spotify roadtrip playlist would so hit right now.

But again, what's in Ohio?

All you knew, was that they needed to get to Ohio. What's in Ohio? Who the fuck knows. Logan Paul? London? Yes, there's a London in Ohio, you knew that all to well when you accidentally booked a flight there instead of the actual London in England high off a Benadryl pill. But you wouldn't mention that to Joel.

You weren't sure what the fuck was up with Ohio, all he said was that they needed to get there. You thought it best not to question too much, afraid of losing that passenger princess spot.

(hey! it's Sam and my dumbass just realized that it's Utah they're going to, not Ohio. Apparently they wanna meet up with the Mormons, not Prime's own, Logan Paul. Whatever same hick ass states anyway I'm not gonna change it so proceed!)

"I wish I had my phone or AUX right now," you said, sadly. "I have this Spotify roadtrip playlist that would sooooo hit right now."

He gave you a side eye, his normal response.

"What song would you play?" Ellie asked.

"Hmm, let me think," you said, now thinking. "Probably like, Lana's cover of 'Take Me Home, Country Roads'? You know, cause we're like on country roads right now."

Joel gave you another side eye. You peeped. This was a perfect prying moment!

"Do you know that song?" you asked Joel. Y'all barely spoke anything personal (actually, YOU spoke at lengths, without being asked, about your personal stuff, but not vice versa. He was a great listener, though).

"Yeah. I know it," he said, quietly. You knew there was more.

Just as you were about to say something, he interrupted.

"But I don't know who that 'Lana' is."

"Oh, Joel, you'd fuck UP Lana! She's like the bridge between girlies and middle-aged men, not for the same reasons but a bridge nonetheless!"

You all then began to talk about music, but it usually involved just you and Ellie pairing up to bully, in a friendly way, Joel. It was fun to make fun of him, in a friendly way. You got so much enjoyment out of bugging these grown ass men, cause their egos were so fragile. You also just kind of found it hot that you could do that, with Joel as NO exception.

As mentioned before, he was very quiet. And you're a talker. See the problem? You were waiting for the right moment, when after all this buildup and trust would, well, buildup into trust, enough for him to open up to you. And when that day comes, it won't be just his mouth opening up!

You also got pretty good at learning how to defend yourself against the zombie girlies. Not that you didn't know before, but now, with Joel's help, you were able to take down multiple at once. You ate that shit up, feeling like one of those hot Resident Evil characters. Joel was even impressed, which made you pretend more like it was 'no biggie' as you'd usually say. What you didn't say, of course, was how your asshole clenched from fear every time you saw one and how you ached all over from fighting! But why would you?! Appearances are lowkey everything!!

The skyline of the city finally came into view. Fuck if you knew which city it was, you lost track. Your stomach rumbled. You cradled it as if you were "so I'm thirty-four weeks today", softly and longingly. You needed to eat. The rumble was loud, causing Joel to look over.

"You okay?"

"Does it sound like it? I'm hungry," you said. "Where's my fume?" You began to pat yourself down for that appetite suppressant, having an addict's moment of panic that you may have lost it. You didn't, she just thought she'd be funny and slip between the cracks of the chair and armrest. You pulled that bitch out and envisioned it was a Five Guy's cheeseburger as you inhaled that faux blueberry chemical.

"Guys, what's this?" Ellie asked, reaching over to the front, pointing to a roll of sushi illustrated in her comic. You didn't know Batman had time to eat sushi, but,

"Oh, FUCK!" you bellowed. "Sorry, Ellie. Excuse my French. I could so eat that right now."

You then caught a glimpse of a rather large scar on her forearm. Shit looked crazy.

"Uh, Ellie," you said. "I don't wanna like, overstep or be rude, I know it's none of my business."

Joel and Ellie suddenly tensed up. At this moment, they both knew the mistake Ellie had just made. You didn't, of course, which was why they were concerned.

Ellie backed up softly, quickly covering up her scar. Joel shifted in his seat.

"Uh, yeah? What is it?" Ellie asked wearily.

"That scar," you said.

Ellie gulped. Joel tightened his grip on the wheel.

"You should slap some scar cream on that. Like, Mederma? Ever heard of it?"

"Mederma?" Ellie asked.

Joel let out a relieved breath. He raked his hand through his hair, self-soothingly. They were good. Thank god for your lack of social cues.

"It's, uh, a scar cream," Joel answered lowly.

"It helps, trust. Once, I was on a city bike in Miami Beach, fell right onto the concrete and ate shit. It was bad, but once that scar closed, I lathered that cream on, and that's it. Now I don't even remember where the scar is. The doctor said it was from memory loss after smacking my head on the ground, but I really think it was the Mederma. So yeah. Get some if you can," you said.

"Uh huh. Okay," Ellie said. She wasn't really listening, instead trying to relax herself from you almost finding out about what was really in Ohio (Utah). And you wanna know something? It's not Logan Paul (Mormons).

"Anyway, yeah that food? It's sushi. It's sooooo good. So good," you said, reminiscing about those rolls. "So good. So so sooooo good."

"What's sushi?"

"Anything you want it to be, honestly. But usually fish," you said.

You took a moment.

"FUCK!" you yelled again, the anger of craving sushi so animalistic, "Sorry, sorry. I just, I just really want sushi. I wish you could try it Ellie, I think you'd like it. Joel, do you like sushi?"

"Never had it."

"What?"

"I've never had it."

"How have you never had sushi?"

"I just haven't."

"Well, you should."

"I can't."

"Why not? You allergic to fish?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Cause we're in a goddamn apocalypse," he replied, this time quite irritated.

"Well, if you do, let me know. I want a piece," you said, a little sassy, looking back out the window.

He then turned to give you a hard look. It was a mix of anger and confusion, the usual.

"You know," he started, trying to think of the words, "you're weir -"

" - JOEL WATCH OUT!!!!!!!"

Joel shot his head straight forward, to see a zombie standing in the middle of the road.

BAMBOOMSD AHSDFJKASJDFKSJSKLDJFAS

He swerved, causing you're not-wearing-seatbelt-ass to slam into the passenger car door, then rag doll as you held on for dear life on the grab handles above as you flipped over and over and over and over and over and over from the sheer power and magnitude of that swerve.

BOOM CRASH BOOFS FJADSJJDASKDSAADS CRASH BOOM POPSJDKFJASFAS

"OH SHI -"

You looked like Jay Leno in that one video where the car repeatedly flips over and over, with Joel holding his arm out trying to keep you down (didn't work).

BOOM CRASH POWEBSDAJFJSAKDA BOOF BAM POWBOOMSADJF

It just kept going.

CRASHBOOM JSDHSIFHJSA CRASH SJDFLSAFDKL FLIPSD FASKJDFSSDOAFLIP SADJFKSAJFD

Kept going.

BOOM CRASHDJSAKDFJSALDJ FAS

Yo lowkey when this gonna stop?

BOOM CRASH BOOFS FJADSJJDASKDSAADS CRASH BOOM POPSJDKFJASFASSDJFSKAKDADAS.....

SJKDFASKLJDFS boom pop.....crash...

It finally stopped!

You groaned awake, feeling FUCKED up your shit was ROCKED.

"Get up! GET UP!" Joel yelled, already having been out the car with Ellie.

"Oh my god okay chill I literally just flipped?"

"It's a trap! They're raiders!"

"What -"

"TA-TATA-ATATATATATPPAPAPAATATATATTAAAA!!!!"

You rolled your eyes bro not again.

All three of you took cover behind the now dilapidated truck as the raiders shot from the other side of the road.

You weren't even scared now, just over it like? Likeeee???????

Joel started shooting back, and so did you and though your aim was pretty shit you managed to take out some of them. You found that not looking and just shooting overhead and all over the place was the best tactic! Let the bullet find its own way <3

"Oh my god, Joel, I got an idea!" you said.

"What?!" he bellowed, very busy with the whole gunfire and all.

"We should make a bomb!"

"How?!"

"Mazel tov cocktail?"

"You mean molotov?!"

"Why are you correcting me? We have to think fast not be correcting each other get your priorities straight Joel oh my god?! Am I the only one taking this seriously?!?!?"

You dropped that gun on the floor and began to craft the bomb with such efficiency and grace, you felt like a little brainiac. You thought this may have been how the Unabomber felt like if he actually succeeded. (Thank god he didn't though lol right?? btw fbi I'm not a terrorist sympathizer!!! - Sam)

Let's just say - the pressure was on! As you were crafting the bomb, shots continue to fly by overhead, blowing comically large holes in Beetlejuice-esque hair. Joel kept rushing you, which you didn't appreciate like no shit I'm trying to go fast? Why would I not be trying to go fast dumbass?

Once you finished, you lit the cloth's end and turned to Joel and threw it at him, "THINK FAST JOEL!"

He, petrified, grabbed it in midair and looked at you with a look of complete awe. And it wasn't the good kind. More a look of horror, actually. Offended horror.

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THROW IT AT ME?!?!?!"

"UH, DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GOOD EYE-HAND COORDINATION?!?! YOU THROW IT!?!?!"

In disbelief, he threw the molotov on the other side of the car and took cover.

You all ducked, and you took out your Dollar Store sunnies to cover your eyes from, essentially, the war crime you've just committed.

Let's just say - Oppenheimer would've been jealous. It wasn't your first time making a molotov, but something was different in the air that day, because you pretty much made the equivalent of one atomic bomb in that little glass Jarritos bottle.

The light from the bomb was so bright, for a second's moment, everything seemed still and dead silent, muted almost, as the bright glare lit everything around you all - you all braced yourselves, readying for the sound - the boom.

And girl.

Did it boom.

"Boom," said the Jarritos bottle.

The bomb? Yeah, pretty big. The effectiveness? Yeah, pretty and literally groundbreaking. The sound? Yeah, deafening.

Shards of metal, glass, unidentifiable body parts, and other mumbo jumbo flew right past you all from behind the truck, as you all huddled together, still tense from the impact.

If it wasn't for the fact that, as previously mentioned, you were already lowkey deaf from AirPods, you'd definitely be a mute. The sound riveted through all y'all's ear drums, sprinkling in a little tinnitus behind.

You guys crept up to see the damage. You pretty much did more than enough, they all literally died. The coast was definitely clear and y'all were good to go!

You three then grabbed your bags and started to walk down the road into the city, all in a stunned silence. You weren't that stunned, really, (it wasn't your first time making bombs as you did notably do some freelance work for Escobar), but Ellie and Joel had the same look like that one pic of that thousand-yard-stare soldier.

Joel was also quite pissed off, he just had that grumpy ass face he always has, but more intense. You assumed it was cause of the whole shabackle, but couldn't understand why he didn't see a reason to smile right now like? We're literally walking alive! Yeah, walking instead of driving, but alive!

"Uh, what's with the long face girl?" you asked, trying to spread your happiness.

He didn't respond.

As you got closer to the city, your patience was running thinner. The big ass backpack you had on kept slipping cause one of the straps was fucked up, causing you to have to constantly shift it upwards. It was reallllyyyyy starting to tick you off. You felt like a middle schooler who hasn't learned it's cooler to just bring a folder and chewed up pencil to school. It was also heavy as fuck with a ton of random bullshit like Joel's Linda Ronstadt CD's and Ellie's nerd ass comic books. Look, you were all for physical media, but you were also all about setting the bag on fire and catapulting it Ancient Rome style for another raider's battle. You kept this to yourself until then, though, like mama's lil secret <3.

Now in the city, you guys took a shortcut through some random building. You weren't sure it was a smart shortcut, cause it's a random building, but you were too exhausted to really gaf and ask. Plus, Joel didn't seem in the mood. He never was.

You were all creeping through the abandoned, smelly, rotting, moldy hallways, finding out it used to be a dispensary, and thought you could find some, you know, good loot or whatever. So you mentioned to Joel and Ellie that'd you look around and split off. Joel knew you were going to look for any scraps of weed like a raccoon feign, (your blueberry vape died during the battle)

You turned a corner, into a room, then looked around carefully. The place seemed pretty empty, so your guard? Very down.

"Slippppppping I'm slippingggggg," said the bag.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God," you said through gritted teeth, feeling a rise of deep anger. You violently thrusted it back on your shoulder, sore from the weight as you turned a corner. "Fucking dumbass back pack -"

You then hit the wall, as you were too distracted and fixated on the bag.

"Oh fuck," you said, rubbing your head. You looked up.

"OH FUCK!"

It wasn't a wall, it was actually the fupa of a giant bloater. You stood, petrified, stunned - almost collapsing onto the ground from the fear that plummeted into you - you were Wendy Williams as the Statue of Liberty.

Then, it burped, just staring down at you.

"AY DIOS MIO!!!!"

Like a cartoon, you jumped in the air, turned the other way and hauled absolute ASS out of there.

"GUYS!!!! GUYS, WE GOT A FLOATER!!!!!!" you screamed, running and running, doing what you perhaps always seemed to do best.

It started to chase you, it's fee fi fo fum ass stomps echoing from behind. This was some temple run ass shit.

"Feee....Fi.....Fo.....Fummmm.....," the bloater's steps said.

You then felt that all too familiar feeling, down there. And not the good kind. You had to shit. That bloater? Yeah. Scared you so much it made your butthole say,

"I need to shit."

The anxiety of 1. a bloater, 2. your need to go shit, and 3. you not being able to locate neither Joel or Ellie, filled you with such dread. You really did now gaf.

"Feeeeee....Fiiiii.....Foooooo.....Fuuuuuummmm....."

"GUYS??!?! GUYS LIKE WHERE THE FUCK ARE Y'ALL?!?!? NO LIKE FOR REAL?!?!?!"

Every thought raced through your mind - did they die? Did they abandoned you? Or worse, did they stop somewhere to eat WITHOUT you????

"Feeeeeeeeeeee....Fiiiiiii.....Fooooooo.....Fuuuuuuuuuuummmm....."

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod," you rambled, holding one hand on your ass to keep the shit in and the other on that backpack strap.

"Slipping I'm slipping again!!!!" the bag said.

"OhmygodIHATETHISFUCKASSBACKPACK!!!!!" you screamed, then proceeded to grab it and yeet it full force at the bloater's fupa.

The power of your thrust was so monstrous it caused the bloater to fly mid-air backwards for several feet and land right through a glass window.

You didn't stop to check it out, now instead enjoying the free weight literally off your back and your faster paced running. Those Lightening McQueen Crocs were now in full force, in sports mode and ready to go. With every step, the sounds of tiny yet serious little engines squeaked out from below the heel.

You then spotted the pair, and to your relief they hadn't died, left you, or were eating. No, instead they were huddled in a corner, crouched down and holding their fingers to their mouth. It looked as though they were telling you to be quiet.

"Do you guys want me to be quiet?" you asked. At that moment, Joel's spirit died. He let his head fall in general disappointment.

Turns out, an entire group of clickers were in the room next door, overstimulated, triggered and ready to pounce, triggered from your maniacal distant screaming.

"Ohhh," you mouthed, nodding overtly your head in full understanding. You crept on over, now huddled with them.

"Where's your bag?" Ellie whispered.

"What bag?" you asked, then looking away as if disinterested. You thought the best way to explain the absence of the bag was to gaslight them into thinking there was no bag in the first place. "So what now?"

"Joel?" Ellie asked.

Joel thought for a moment. "We're going to walk across the room, quietly and slowly to the exit on the other side. No fighting, no shooting," he whispered.

"Okay lieutenant," you said, biting your tongue like a white mom. This was again your attempt at flirting but it didn't work. You really needed to better your timing.

You three began to creep down the hallway, and at first it was working great, up until two random stray clicker girls were hanging out at the exit doors.

You three stopped, Joel thought for a moment on how to handle this.

You couldn't stop. You still needed to shit, and you needed to shit now. You felt your asshole gaping for air, knowing that a fart was the last thing needed now. You held that shit in, but alas some things cannot be held in forever....

"Joel," you whispered in his ear, "I like, have to shit, bad. Like, emergency. Can we speed this up?"

He heard you and decided to ignore you.

He took out his gun, then turned to you both. "I'm gonna shoot, but then you two need to run through those doors. Don't stop and don't look back."

You two nodded.

He aimed, but at that moment, you had no control.

You couldn't hold her in anymore.

This was it.

You can't control nature's course.

You farted.

And he shoted.

But your fart was like a silencer? It worked? It was so subtle and swift, and its duration lasted long enough for two shots that the clickers took it as another one of their co-clickers farting.

The two fungi bitches dropped dead and nothing followed.

"Did you just fart?" Joel asked, breaking the silence.

"No, no - that was the bloater?" you turned behind, again using the gaslighting tactic. He looked behind, too, confused, and since you knew that bloater was probably busy reading comic books and listening to Linda Ronstadt some ways away, you thought it best to move on.

"So like we gonna go orrrr....?" you asked.

"We need to run," Joel said.

"Don't need to tell me twice!" you said before hightailing outta there, your Crocs doing wonders, and leaving them in the dust, (it was actually asbestos).

Running? Running was what you did best. It was so basic, so innate, there was really nothing to it. You always thought, had it not been for all these setbacks in your life, these side quests that just kept side questing you, you lowkey could've been a runner? Not the crackhead Flaka drug ones but, the other type of runner. But oh well c'est la vie.

You three made it out and ran for what seemed like miles and miles (it was across the street), before you stopped from the force of your imminent shit. Joel and Ellie ran past you, not waiting to save your ass, and climbed down some rubble. You tapped back in.

"Joel! JOEL!"

He turned to you, flustered and annoyed as the group of zombies echoed behind y'all like the sounds of minions.

"WHAT?!"

"I CAN'T CLIMB DOWN!"

"YES YOU CAN?!"

You looked down the rubble - you theoretically could, but didn't wanna make one wrong move and ledge your asshole open. Of course, though, you couldn't tell him that, boys aren't supposed to know that girls shit. So you hoped that maybe you acting as a girlie who needed a guy's unnecessary chivalry could so hit right now. He wasn't biting.

"WHAT?" he yelled, literally less than three feet below you.

It wasn't gonna work. The zombies incoherent ramblings grew louder and louder behind you. Looks like plan B - you needed to give him no choice.

He started to run back towards Ellie, before you stopped him.

"JOEL! CATCH MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Like a baby who's dropped into the pool for the first time to 'learn how to swim' without any sense of physical agency or control, like a manic person running with their hands up and mouth agape, like a true damsel in distress, you hauled yourself off of that three-foot ledge, aiming for Joel's heroic yet un-consenting arms, all in a slo-mo.

Joel literally had no choice but to catch you, so he did, and your fat ass made him fall backwards onto the ground where it really fucked up his 50 year old, seniors discount breakfast-ass back.

"Oh fuck," you said, like a wounded grandma.

Joel groaned. You two looked at one another in the face, quite close, cause you were literally on top of him? Like omg this is so rom-com! Enemies to lover's type! Except you were always his enemy and you always thought he'd be your lover <3

Time stood still as you looked into one another's eyes. It was as if the whole world had stopped, and it was only you two - you inspected every wrinkle, gray hair, blackhead - he was beautiful.

"Uh, guys! We need to go?!" Ellie shouted.

"Oh shit I forgot -" you said and bounced right up, remembering your shit, and back to leaving.

You three were back to running, since it was not only your favorite activity but a common pastime in apocalyptic worlds. You were up ahead, again fueled by your natural instincts needing to shit, its adrenaline pumping through your veins as if you were the Flaka fungi people. It caused you to momentarily ponder - is the real reason why all these zombies are irritable is because they need to shit but can't, so they've been backed up for YEARS? A shiver went down your neck at just the thought.

You turned a corner between buildings, before stopping again in your tracks. A whole fucking HERD OF THEM BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!

You were frozen, petrified, stunned, silenced. Your face couldn't help but go into its natural fight or flight state - the soy face. And a mega one at that.

Joel stopped, looked at you frightened.

"What? What is it?!" he asked desperately.

But there was no time. Cause guess what? There's now bandits!!!

Then THEY started to chase you. Fuck the clickers. Fuck an iClicker!

You couldn't help but giggle. You couldn't help but be amused. Why are a bunch of bandits chasing a girl in SpongeBob shorts? Like they think you got the goods like that?! What's a girl with Spongebob shorts got? A probable yeast infection?

You didn't realize it, but your giggles were actually audible. You sounded like Pops from Regular Show.

"I'm just a girl, like whaaaaaa?" you giggled and shouted, running still. "Like, leave me alone what the fuck?!?!? This is crazy omg!!!"

Even Joel was confused, running beside you, thinking, 'why is this bitch giggling?'

Even the bandits took notice and got weirded out. So weirded out they actually stopped chasing y'all. You were treating an ambush like a frolicking sesh in the garden.

You supposed it was your brain trying to protect you, seeing that you were in actual danger of being killed. Maybe you genuinely couldn't believe it? Who knows. (I'm not a psychologist I'm sam st. Clair)

You all finally made it to a supermarket, where you boarded yourselves up once you scoped the place out. It was nighttime now, hella dark out and you couldn't guess shit where y'all were at. You just relied that Joel knew, it was your default since he's the self-proclaimed Rick of this little posse y'all got.

Anyway, you three split off, maybe because you all were tired of all the socializing you guys did back there. You didn't mind being alone, it gave you the opportunity to fart without anyone around to sniff or judge, or both. Speaking of farting, you took your shit the moment you slammed your ass on the toilet in the back, where the manager's office was. Shit was monstrous and you were sure you might've contracted some of the fungi since you were so determined to sit down that you didn't notice spores all up on the seat. But oh well. Your ass did start to itch, but you relied on your body to figure it out.

You got so bored you decided to walk up and down the smelly aisles, then found a pack of untouched, one of a kind, rare finds, vintage ZooPals. You remembered that Joel was making dinner, so thought these would be perfect!

You grabbed them fast, then went to present them to him. He was not so impressed.

"Joel, check it," you said, acting as if you were Christian Bale in American Psycho showing off your business card.

"That's extra weight," he said, dismissively and went back to cooking the beans.

"Are you kidding me?! This is some fine China right here," you protested. "Your boomer ass might be having a dementia episode or something not remembering the sheer value of what it is to eat off a ZooPal's plate."

His demeanor got sadder. You feared you might've crossed the line with the dementia comment.

"No," he mumbled solemnly. "They remind me of my daughter."

Your face dropped.

"Yikes. Sorry about that luv," (when you felt awkward you opted to go British). You then walked away. Best avoid that <3

That night you guys ate the beans and left in the morning, since Joel said apparently a supermarket isn't the best place to hide. You weren't sure why - if they carried ZooPal's, who know what else they could be hiding?

You kept walking down the street until you found a car that looked recently used. Joel tried starting it with the cables and shit whatever they do in the movies when they jumpstart a car. Red wire blue wire green fish two fish one fish blue fish.

"Can I drive?" you asked. You weren't sure what got into you, you literally don't have a license. Not that traffic violations mattered in these parts, but because you couldn't even tell left from right.

He gave you a look. "Fine."

"That was easy," you said.

As he began fixing it up, Ellie pointed to an object on the dashboard.

"What's that?" she asked.

You looked.

Oh no.

Not on my car.

"No. Not on my fucking car."

You grabbed that octopus stuffed animal dashboard bullshit, swung and threw that shit so far that it broke a nearby high-rise apartment window and exploded. It was a bomb and you inadvertently just saved everyone's life.

"How'd you know that was a bomb?" Joel asked, incredulously.

You knew the answer was that you didn't know it was a bomb, it was cause you actually hated nothing more on this earth than those octopus dashboard plushies, because every bad driver in a BMW happens to have one, so you thought you should go with the flow.

"I told you. I worked for Escobar. I can smell a bomb," you said.

"Wow. That's a crazy nose you have. It's like your superpower," Ellie said, geeking out.

"If it really was a superpower, I'd been able to stop Oppenheimer," you said.

She didn't get it.

Joel looked up, again, confused why you would say that in the first place.

"Sorry, it's before your time," you said, moving on quickly.

The car started and you three hopped in, ready to drive y'alls asses OUT OF HERE! You were excited, feeling that this was gonna be like a little roadtrip movie.

It was only two miles since you guys have driven and you had to contain your giddiness. Joel definitely wasn't happy and Ellie was to herself in the back reading her nerd ass comics. You just looked crazy laughing to yourself. You were just looking forward to the roadtrip vibes, FINALLY you guys found an actual working car so no more walking no more dilapidated backs no more annoying backpacks and oh shit there's a spider.

"OH SHIT THERE'S A SPIDER!!!" you freaked, seeing it dance slowly from the roof, hanging onto its web and literally three inches away from your face. You began to move yourself away, moving the steering wheel with it and thus moving the whole car off the road.

"Okay, calm down I got it -" Joel said.

"No Joel it's that I can't dude no Joel get it GET IT!" you demanded, feeling like an entity just possessed you with how deep and demented your voice got from the fear.

"Just keep the damn car still I can't grab it!"

He really couldn't, the more you turned the car, the more the spider swayed into your face, causing you to turn the car more and causing Joel to have trouble actually getting it. He was getting frustrated.

"Joel, we're gonna crash!" Ellie cried, trying to hide behind the seat.

The screaming and shouting also wasn't helping the vibe at all.

"I can't dude no Joel it's that I can't BRO FUCK! GET THAT BITCH!" you kept crying, "I'M NOT JOKING BRO!"

"KEEP DAMN STILL -"

Y'all crashed.

The random light post just HAPPENED to be in the way. Thankfully you guys weren't hurt, you just fucked up the car bad. And Joel was pissed. When he's mad, he's quiet. And he was QUIET.

"Well that was short," Ellie said as you three just stood looking at the demolished car. "So what now?"

The 'what now' was actually that you guys found a safe house literally less than a mile away. God finally gave y'all a little break!

It was down the road, in a little suburb. It seemed to have belonged to others, since it was all boarded up and defensed up and the only sign of life left in the house was a infected fungi girl strapped to a chair in the bedroom, placed in front of a tv screen playing a VHS tape of Friends.

You thought it best to put it out of its misery, so you turned off the tv.

You patted her on the back, caring and lovingly as she snarled at you, "No one deserves to be forced to sit and watch Friends, not even in the apocalypse."

You closed the door, leaving her at peace and again, out of her her torture.

Time passed. Joel was about to start cooking beans and Ellie left to go take a much needed power nap in the guest bedroom. You offered Joel to rest and that you'd cook instead. Little did he know how much of an exclusive this was with you, bitch you didn't cook. But you felt pretty bad for the whole spider thing and thought, hey, what's a little cooking? What's a little meal prep?

Joel said his very weary 'thanks' and went to rest on the couch, while you went into the kitchen. He looked genuinely happy to see you take the responsibility. And you were genuinely happy in other places too at the idea of you cooking for him <3 and Ellie ofc. And yourself, who could forget your fat ass?

Time passed, maybe a little too long of a time to make beans, when you had finally finished. Though you were pretty sure all the garnishes left in the kitchen were expired and no, those are not flakes of oregano but flakes of mold, they actually came out pretty good. You prepped three beautiful plates, on the fine China (ZooPal's, Ellie got the duck plate, Joel the ladybug, and you the frog), and went to push the kitchen door to present your dish as if you were battling Bobby Flay on that one kitchen show with the other woman with white hair that looks like she'd be one of the emotions from Inside Out.

"Dinner's ready! -" you said cheerily, until you realized - it wasn't just Joel who would see your dish. Not Ellie. Not even Bobby Flay - it was the raiders. Again. They were all up in your living room, def crossing the maximum capacity. They just couldn't seem to get enough of you and you didn't want to come off as narcissistic but guessed your personality had to be addictive.

You all took a minute, assessing the situation. Actually, you ALL took that minute. You just stood there, plates filled with beans, and they stood there, guns filled with bullets, with Joel and Ellie on their knees with their wrists tied behind their backs.

The silence kept going.

You just stood there.

"Wait, so -," your bimbo ass said, very Trisha-esque, not even able to come to form a conclusion. You were just so confused. "Wait -"

And there it is again.

Someone tackled you. AGAIN.

Not only did your body go flying underneath the massive weight that just sumo slammed itself into you, but so did the beans. The beans? Yeah, they were airborne. The ZooPal plates? In flight.

The mass was actually a man who was attempting to zip tie your wrists now that he had you pinned down. However, he underestimated your irritability when you were hungry.

Mama's hungry.....and mama wants her beans.....and what mama wants...........mama GETS.........

You had just about had enough.

You threw him off with such strength that could only come with a girl's rage. A rage so deep, so visceral and seemingly uncontrollable, one that could set you back on all the self-help and patience exercises that you've practiced. No. That's it. She's gonna pop, and just like the shit from earlier - some things just cannot be held in forever.

You rose up, looking briefly over at the man who's back slammed against the window, where he then tumbled and tumbled to who knows what fate, but a fate just the same as that bloater earlier.

The raiders were too aghast at your abilities.

"I just, I can't," you started, panicky. "I can't hold it in anymore."

You almost started crying from the mania. You looked very unstable, cause you were.

You took a deep breath, but knew one thing - you've been holding this anger, this wrath in for so long, now it's time for her to be released.

One of the raiders caught on and began to back up. His buddies followed, scared, almost like watching a Jack in the box as a grown adult, but that childlike fear still imprinted in your innermost being.

"Hey listen, we'll just get out of -"

" - do you KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS TO FIND ANY FOOD OUT HERE WITH NO FUCKING MOLD ON IT?! YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO COOK ROOM TEMPERATURE FUCKING BEANS ON A DINGY LAPTOP RUNNING ON SIMS 3?! IT TAKES A LONG FUCKING TIME!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW HUNGRY I'VE BEEN?!?!?! I'M THREE DAYS LATE ON MY FUCKING PERIOD AND I'VE BEEN FEIGNING FOR SOME FUCKING BEANS!!!! BEANS, BITCH!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW DESPERATE I'VE GOTTA BE FOR FOOD TO WANT BEANS?!?! I'M CRAVING ROOM TEMPERATURE BEANS LIKE A SOLDIER IN THE CIVIL FUCKING WAR!!!!! - (you lost them) - DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS?!??! THAT'S LIKE, ONE OF THE BIG DEAL WARS!?!??! WHATEVER AND NOW MY BEANS ARE ON THE GROUND LIKE DO I LOOK LIKE TRAVIS KELCE?! DO I LOOK LIKE A BITCH TO BE TACKLED ONTO THE FUCKING GROUND??!?!! DO I HAVE A SIGN ON ME THAT SAYS I'M A QUARTER BACK?!?! NO BITCH I WANT A QUARTER POUNDER!!!! AND NOW LOOK!!! 'UH, GUYS, WE HAVE COMPANY!!!!!'"

After your spew that gave you the same catharsis akin to rapping a Nicki Minaj verse word for word, they put their hands up in surrender and backed on out, suddenly becoming overly-friendly while you followed them out to the porch. You had the same aura as a a 'get off my property or I'll shoot' type.

"Sorry for disturbing you, ma'am."

"Have a nice day, Ms., sorry about that."

"Lovely house and beans."

"Have a good day."

"Bye bye now."

"THANK YOU, YES!! FUCKING LEAVE!!!! RED-COAT, QUARTERING ASS FUGLY ASS BITCHES!! OR Y'ALL DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS EITHER?!?! GO FIND A BOOK ON WARS THAT DON'T INVOLVE TOILET PAPER AND LEARN ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF BEANS YOU FUCKING SKID MARKS!!!!"

"Great plates."

"I like what you did with your hair, ma'am. Very unique."

"AND STAY OUT!!!!!! THIS IS MY OWN PRIVATE DOMICILE AND I WILL NOT BE HARASSED!!!!!!"

You turned back around into the house, overhearing one of their conversations as they got farther and farther (not only are you partially deaf, but you have super-hearing).

"I think that's the same girl from earlier, with the weird giggles from earlier?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. The Spongebob shorts, remember?"

"Oh, fuck. You're right."

You couldn't help but not smile hard. You like, lowkey did that? No violence or anything. MLK was lowkey right.

But that smile soon fell once you got back into the house, remembering what literally just happened. Seeing your hard work splattered all over the floor was like seeing your own world end. By then, Joel was already untied and had just finished Ellie's.

"That was INSANE!" Ellie said, excitedly. "Did you see their faces?! That was so sick!"

"Thanks, Ellie. I'm lowkey gonna cry now, so those words of positive affirmation do help."

"Wait, don't," Joel said, oddly caring.

"Of course I'm gonna cry! I'M FUCKING HUNGRY oh my god what's that?"

Joel had reached into his bag, pulling out three very familiar containers.

"I'd, uh, hope we could be eatin' this, too," he said sheepishly, as he revealed they were perfect condition, ready-to-eat, beautifully displayed fat rolls of sushi.

You at the very moment became a belieber in spontaneous combustion, because you'd never been so hot so quick, it was just too hot. Joel was too hot. Sushi was too hot too, and he got you sushi?! That's like double the hot! This is Hot Ones DA BOMB!!

"Oh my god, Joel - you didn't," you held your hands to your face, in such happiness and surprise. It looked as if Joel had just proposed to you and the ring was a singular spicy tuna roll.

Joel smiled softly, a rarity around these parts. You found that glimpse of another side of him so interesting, intriguing - attractive. You always knew he was hot, and knew you wouldn't say no to your bestowed Rick, but DAMN like Kendrick's 2017 hit-album he was fine as FUCK right now.

"Contain it girl, contain it," the voices told yourself.

"How'd you get this?!" you asked, taking it as he reached them out for you. You inspected them, you weren't sure if it was because you were hallucinating from the hunger, but they looked exactly like Studio Ghibli food, your fat ass was about to feast. You felt the salivation like those rabies victims outside.

"I'm a smuggler. It's my job," he said, which you swore was flirting-ly but unfortunately didn't have any of your girls around to tell this too and get their opinion :( so you decided to live with your delusion that it was!

You wanted to kiss him so bad for that, you could've cried. And you did.

You three sat around the campfire, eating, talking, laughing, all good vibes. Ellie had finally tried sushi for the first time and loved it, as you went on to explain the days of the Barbenheimer summer. (You thought she needed to dip her toes into Oppenheimer lore somehow already.)

"Hey, sorry you guys had to see me like that," you said, finishing your roll. "I just get like, really annoyed when people stop me from eating food when I'm hungry. Like, that's me time, you know? It's personal."

"What are you talking about?! That was so good! They were shitting their pants!" asked Ellie.

"Lol me," you spat. You hoped they didn't catch that.

"You - you really scared them off there," mustered Joel, impressed.

"Thanks," you said, taking whatever compliment that man could give to heart.

"If only we had you during our shootout, back at the Target," Joel said. "I thought you were a runner, first time I saw you."

"Why's that?"

"You had all that," he motioned to his face, "red stuff, all on your mouth and chin. Thought it was blood."

"Oh, that was Chef Boyardee! You know him?"

Did he know him.

Did he know him?

Girl he was a single father once of course he knew him.

And what else did he know?

He knew he was in love with you, in love with Y/N...

"I, uh, love -"

"- Joel loves Chef Boyardee. He got all excited when he found a can, once," Ellie said, interrupting him.

"Because that's what the Chef intended with his creation," you said, not really one hundred percent sure what that meant. And neither did Joel or Ellie. Anyway,

Time passed, you guys cleaned up and Ellie had gone to sleep.

You and Joel were sat on the swinging bench on the porch outside, passing your blueberry fume back and forth like a blunt (it actually wasn't dead, contrary to popular belief). He wasn't really a fan, but didn't want to tell you no.

You'd been out for some time, enjoying the warm (lowkey hot) breeze and of course, Joel's company. He was a man of few words, unfortunately, but it did make him hotter. Like, why so mysterious?

"So how'd you really get that sushi?" you asked, after some unimportant small talk.

"When we were at the supermarket," he said. "Wanted to surprise you."

"That's so hot," you said immediately.

"What?"

"It's so hot right now, that's what I meant," you spat and took your fume from him, taking in an unnecessarily giant hit.

"Well, wanna go back inside?"

"Nah."

"Okay?"

Another silence.

"You know, I wanted to uh, thank you, for being nice with Ellie and all," he said, "it's uh, it's nice."

"No probs. She's funny. Reminds me of a younger TikTok-obsessed cousin, you know? The kind you're excited to see on Christmas?"

"Yeah, yeah. I understand," he said. He didn't.

The silence continued. And you had to admit, it was getting awkward. Something needed to happen. And your pervert mind knew what would be perfect right now -

" - My daughter loved Chef Boyardee," Joel then said, really out of nowhere.

You turned to him. For a moment, you genuinely forgot he had a daughter. You didn't really like comforting people when you were horned up, but there was no escaping this. Who knows if he's ever said this before? Maybe you're the one - the special one - that gets to hear this exclusive tidbit. So you complied. Sometimes people needed a shoulder to lean on, so you decided right there and then, (and apparently Joel too), that you'd be that shoulder...

"That's crazy," you said. So little words, yet so much meaning.

"It is," he said, smoking the fume.

"My ex-sugar daddy, the guy that I told you about, do you remember?" you asked, he nodded his head. He did remember. "Well, yeah, he actually had a health scare once. Chef Boyardee, specifically the ravioli, was all he ate when he was separated from his wife. She used to cook all these real pasta dishes, so when he was living on his own he was pretty much incapable of cooking anything besides a bowl of cereal. He just ate Chef Boyardee ravioli all day and his cholesterol went up. It was crazy."

"Huh."

"Yeah. And it was kinda weird, you know, because he was Italian. I didn't think Italians accepted the Chef as one of their own."

"I guess he did."

"Yeah. I miss him."

Joel turned to you.

You realized your mistake. You DON'T bring up an ex on the first date hello?!?! HELLO (@ALL THE BOYS IN THE WORLD HELLO?!?!?!)

"I mean, I miss the old world, you know. Like, how you miss your daughter," you explained. "Association and all."

"I'm sorry if I'm a little, you know," he said, "If I don't come off very - personable. You've, uh, been a great help to us both. To me."

"Of course! It's okay. It's kinda hard to keep manners going when more than half of the population are demented cannibals and the other wanna rob you all the time."

You both smiled softly. You provided him the warmth he needed, the warmth that could always greet him at the end of the day, reminding him that there's always room for warmth. You are his sun, his warmth. You're his heating pad, the warmth of a heating pad.

"I don't, I don't say this much. Not at all, actually, not until you brought up the 'association' thing, but - you remind me of the old world," he said.

Your ass couldn't help but smile.

"Oh my god Joel that's like so sweet!" you said, before jumping on him to give him a big hug! He hugged tightly back, he then threw you back on the bench and you felt his member pressed against your leg. He then began kissing you, his tongue licking your lips for entrance. You let him in. Your tongues fought for dominance but you let him win. He eventually started going down on you, taking your "I <3 ORLANDO" Spongebob-themed PJ shorts off, and started kissing your labia.

"This...this is a labia," he said, his southern drawl coming out in full force.

"Oh my god this is just like my fic!"

"What?"

"Nothing!"

You lifted your legs as he began to eat you out, his wet breath on your cooter. He held your foot up and raised himself, ready to press his member into your entrance. Your eyes were closed, ready to take the man from Austin, Texas in. This is it. No Flaka girls, no fungus-infested toilets, no Chef Boyardee-obsessed raiders, nothing - just you and Joel.

Hope you enjoyed!

xoxo,

~Sam St. Clair

P.S. - I'm not actually dead! I've been in hospital. So, almost. I've now learned that sanding your tires down to make them look cleaner and smoother and prettier is actually quite dangerous.

xoxo, again,

~Sam St. Clair

[ghoastixx]

Caregiver Chop-Top!! (I need to stop this madness...)

Author's note: I know I know, I can practically hear your worthless mouths through the screens (not you little ones, you are beautiful!!) 'but ghoastix! First you do otis driftwood and then baby firefly, these aren't suitable caregivers!' Do you hate happiness and fun??? stfu?? Anyways, there isn't enough caregivers for what I liked to read, y'know? (I'm not a little, I just read the part as a kid reader, but that doesn't mean that there aren't suffering littles out there!!) So here's my gift to you, (because I love Bobby sawyer!)

Remember, my little fics and my relationship fics are two different things completely. I am a psychology student and can recognize this as a coping skill, NOT a sexual fantasy. Do not interact if you feel differently!

Warnings: Little ones, there will be mentions of drugs, cannibalism, meanies, and other scary things. Proceed with caution, sweethearts!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bobby recognizes a coping mechanism, no matter how 'ridiculous' they may seem. After 'Nam, he becomes familiar with a ton of different coping skills

Safe to say he is not a regressor, BUT he knows about it. It takes him a second to remember what it is, but once he remembers, you're set, he ain't killing you.

How you get there? I have no idea, whether you were a victim that regressed while they were terrorizing you, friends from town, or maybe even someone he knows from the VA hospital, Bobby has your back

He literally does not give af what any of his siblings say. I don't see Nubbins (rip bro im delusional and like fics where he is still alive) really caring, and Bubba would not even bat an eye, but I feel like Drayton would have a few choice words...

"They're just a, uh, a flower child!" "Whatever, as long as you and them stay out of the way!" Yes! You're in! Cue the cheering!

Bobby is not your daddy, so sorry hun. I feel like he wouldn't exactly mind being a daddy or a papa, but it just doesn't vibe in my head, he's a little irresponsible

He's more of a big brother caregiver! He's got a lot of experience with Nubbins and Bubba, he's got this!

He wouldn't smoke or anything around his little one, he recognizes that he needs to be able to keep an eye on his little one. Getting too loose might mess that up. This is about the most responsible thing he would do.

He's so fun! No matter what age you are sweetheart, he just wants to have a good time!

He's so agile (have you seen him pull himself onto that bridge while chasing Stretch??) if you want to run around he is right with you. He is FERAL.

"Come on little hippie, whatdya, uh, wanna listen to? Ya got any favesss?"

He's got the best vinyls, I will take that to my grave. I don't think he'd like slow music, and I don't think he likes to fall asleep at night to music, BUT he will invest in softer bands or songs to play during nap time!

Encourages you to play those drums with those pots and spoons, he'll take the fall for you sweetie pie!

"Damn flower child, I'll uh, have ta feature ya in Cornbugs? Yeah! you're pre-prettyyy good!"

Calls you things like little hippie, flower child, sweetiepie, all that hippie junk (it's me I'm the hippie-)

Would have you have around Nubbins a lot too when you're small.

Nubbins likes to take pictures of you and Bobby with his camera, he thinks it's special. Bobby keeps one in his truck and keeps one pinned in the inside of his vest.

Brother his tickle attacks are BRUTAL you need to run.

"Could just eat you up! Just kidding, hehhe, I'd miss ya too much, squirt,"

He's not very strict about bed time or meal times because like... look at him... do you think he is able to do these things himself? If you're hungry, damn he is too, let's get a snack! You're sleepy? Oh I guess it is late, let's catch some Z's little hippie. Didn't get enough sleep last night? Well man, lets take a little nap, let him put a record on!

Now, if he's having a PTSD attack while you're small, he'll entrust Nubbins to watch over you and keep you away (as to not frighten you, also why he wants you familiar with his twin)

It isn't that he doesn't trust Bubba, Bubba is great, it's just that he's worried that Bubba is gonna freak tf out too.

Drayton's a meanie, you don't have to stay with him.

If you get hurt? He will coo at you a bit, make it all better, and then knock on his plate a couple times and tell ya that you're lucky you don't have that ouchie!

If you mention having any sympathy about his plate?

"Aw, ain't you just a sweet little booger, aint cha?"

Overall, Chop is a good caregiver to have if you don't worry about schedule and looseness. He's fun and reckless but he cares about you!

[mari0n3ttes]

Just Dance ships + ship headcanons 😋

1. Cosmic Girl x Pump Up the Volume

To be honest, I kind of started shipping these two due to their similar space aesthetics lol. I HC that Pump Up the Volume was traveling space one day and saw Cosmic Girl on her planet punching through meteors and fighting aliens like the bad bitch she is. From this very moment, Pump Up the Volume fell in love with her. Cosmic Girl at first wasn’t too interested, but she did admire how Pump Up the Volume traveled through space like her. She decided to take it slow with him, traveling across various planets and locations in space. After a while, Cosmic Girl eventually fell in love with Pump Up the Volume, and the two decided to start dating. I also HC that they fight crime together in space! If they come across a hostile planet with hostile organisms, they get right to the job and start kicking alien ass. Cosmic Girl is pretty protective of Pump Up the Volume though so often times when they’re fighting aliens she pushes him to the side so she can protect him. Pump Up the Volume doesn’t necessarily mind as he enjoys seeing his girlfriend show off her strength, however, he does wish that one of these days he’ll be the one protecting her from hostile creatures. What can I say, they’re just two space geeks in love 🩷💛🧡💛🩵🪐

2. DARE x Step by Step

Shoutout to @meymey-draws again I might kinda sorta steal your homework here 🙊

They’re definitely high school and/or college sweethearts! However, people didn’t know/couldn’t tell that they were dating because a lot of the time the way they acted towards each other they really just acted like bros. I HC that Step by Step went to all of Dare’s sports games and always rooted for his team (but mostly him). He always sat in the back of the bleachers due to him being kind of shy, but he was Dare’s biggest supporter nonetheless 💕 I also HC that Step by Step is a breakdancer so he teaches Dare some of his dance moves. Dare often times ends up falling over himself due to the complexity of some of the moves, but Step by Step always manages to catch him before he hurts himself and makes sure to take it slow with some of the more complex dance moves. They also exchange music taste together! If you see Dare and Step by Step sitting together, you’ll find Dare’s headphones stretched over each of their ears just listening to each others music together ♥️🩵💛 (They each take their headwear off whenever they listen to music so it’s easier for the headphones to fit over both of their heads. I’m sure it would be kinda uncomfortable to listen to music with someone when their big chunky ass football helmet is hogging up the tunes lol)

3. Ring My Bell x Forget You

Okay, I’m going to be completely honest, I have no idea on how I thought of this ship. I think I first started shipping these two simply because they were both in the mashup for You’re The First, the Last, My Everything in Just Dance 4. Yeah. It was that simple. In my opinion, these two also have funky dance moves and similar-ish colors (I’m only referring to Ring My Bell’s hair color and Forget You’s glove color 😭) I thought “Yeah! They could make a great couple!” I’ll do my best to give some information and headcanons behind this ship: I HC that Forget You is generally kind of a nervous guy and ever since his previous relationship didn’t work out (she was a gold digger as his song implies), he’s kind of always been on edge. Ring My Bell heard this information from one of the other Just Dance 3 coaches (maybe Only Girl in the World or California Gurls) and felt empathy towards the guy so she decided to go talk to him. I HC that Ring My Bell is a very empathetic person so after sharing her empathy with Forget You, the two became good friends. After being friends for a while, Forget You started to relax a little and started falling in love with Ring My Bell, admiring many different traits about her. Her dance moves, her outfits, her compassion, looks, etc. (I might be self-projecting here she’s actually so fine) I haven’t decided how/when Ring My Bell fell in love with Forget You but when she did, the two started dating. I HC that Ring My Bell brought Forget You out of his comfort zone and he started to loosen up, becoming more open around people, including his girlfriend. They’re also super flirty with each other. Very loving too! Although Forget You was intentionally confused when Ring My Bell mentioned something about her wanting him to “ring her bell.” (If you know what the song means then you get it lol) ✨Euphemism✨

(Side note: sorry if this one was longer and messier! I genuinely I didn’t know how to talk about these two due to the pairing seeming kind of random. I just think they’re neat is all)

3. You’re the First, the Last, My Everything (P2 x P3)

I believe people (myself included) have already pointed out how gay these two are but let’s expand on the gayness more!

I HC that these two had some kind of fling at first. They weren’t completely committed to each other, but there was definitely romantic tension between the two of them. P2 and P3 also casually hung out with each other every now and then after work, but it wasn’t anything too serious. That was until that faithful moment in the elevator. After the song and dance was over and the two of them exited the elevator together, they realized “I am in love with this man.” As the two of them met up (idk where yet I have no idea where they went after the end of the routine), they confessed their feelings to each other at the same time and were both shocked that they both had feelings for each other. The two of them were ecstatic that they had both return their feelings towards each other so they started dating! They’re both very loving towards each other—P3 hugs, kisses, comforts P2 when he had a long and/or bad day at work, and is just all-around a good guy and affectionate towards P2. P2 isn’t as touchy as P3 but he gladly accepts P3’s affections and also hugs and kisses P3, and rests his head on P3’s shoulder whenever he has a stressful day at work. Men in love 💜🩷

I also HC that during Just Dance 2020 All-Stars Mode all of the members of YTFTLME became bros with each other and started hanging out as bros do. P1 and P4 suspected that P2 and P3 might be more than just bros as they noticed how close the two seemed to one another, how often P2 smiles around P3 (P2 doesn’t smile around people often it’s the cold businessman demeanor), and how touchy and flirty the two of them can be towards each other sometimes. P4 assumed that the two of them were dating, but didn’t ask them directly because he was too shy and at the same time it wasn’t necessarily any of his business. P1, on the other hand, straight-up asked if P2 and P3 were “banging.” P3 almost answered yes before P2 annoyingly said no before walking off with P2. P2 just didn’t want P1 and P4 to judge them (especially P1, I HC they often butt heads). P3 wanted to tell the other two about their relationship but he understood why P2 was so hesitant and decided to wait until P2 was ready (such a good guy). Eventually, the two of them did tell P1 and P4 about their relationship. Heck, they even told them about the fling they had before they actually caught feelings for each other. P4 said respectfully he already knew, but he was happy for the two of them nonetheless. P1 let out a “I knew you two were banging!” Seeing how uncomfortable P2 looked, P1 calmed down and gave P2 a reassuring pat on the shoulder saying he genuinely supported their relationship 100%. P2 and P3 also told all of the other All-Star coaches about their relationship. All of them congratulated the two of them about their relationship even though some of them decided to be smug and say “I know.” All in all everyone supported their relationship! Gay men woohoo! 💜🩷

(Sorry that this one was super lengthy! I think these two are an underrated Just Dance ship and wanted to bring more attention towards them, I love them so much)

4. You’re the First, the Last, My Everything (P1 x P4)

Okay, to be honest, these two didn’t have that much romantic tension in the You’re the First, the Last, My Everything routine but there was this one part in the routine where the two of them jumped in the middle and looked like they were about to touch hands. I can’t put it on this post since I’ve reached the image limit but if you know what part I’m talking about, 5+ points for you.

I HC that these two took longer to fall in love with each other and took longer to admit their feelings for each other. This is because the two of them were in denial of their feelings for each other (hypocrites lol). P4 was in denial of his feelings for P1 because whenever he wasn’t dancing he was working and was very committed to his work. He couldn’t let his feelings get in the way of his work. Plus, P4 thought he was out of P1’s league anyways due to him not thinking very highly of himself. P1, however, thought P4 was honestly kind of a nerd. He often wrapped his around P4 whenever they talked to each other and gave him friendly dibs in the arm, but P1 always presumed that he was doing this under the impression as platonic, not romantic. And still thought he was a nerd. But he liked him anyways??? He was so confused why he had fallen in love with this “nerd.” After mustering up the courage to tell P4, he eventually confessed his feelings towards him also giving him a bouquet of flowers as a gift (P1 had his head turned away out of embarrassment and was also unsure if P4 even liked flowers). P4, shocked to hear this from P1, gladly accepted his confession and the flowers, admitting that he also liked P1 as well. The two started dating despite their slow start and eventually told P2 and P3 that they were dating. The two of them were shocked yet wholeheartedly supported their relationship. When they told the other All-Stars they were also shocked but supported their relationship as well. And although P1 and P4 are kind of awkward in their relationship, they started to find their footing with each other. Example: Whenever P4 reads a book, he often lays down against P1 and P1 wraps his arm around him while he reads. It’s the baby steps y’all 💜🧡💛

Hope y’all fw the ships 😋 if you have any additional headcanons for any of these feel free to list them!!!

Side note: if you’ve already seen this post before then you’re correct. Dumbass me made a mistake and the other one saved as a draft—a draft I thought I deleted (I wasn’t happy with it) and ended up posting on accident. That was an oops on my part. I’m still relatively new to Tumblr so I’m kind of maneuvering around this app. Let’s pray this doesn’t happen again lol

(The headcanons I listed in this post are imo better than the ones I previously listed and I hope you think so too lol)

[alelathedragon]

Possesed Bowser

I REEEEEEEALLY LOVE KING BOO if that wasn't obvious enough. I saw @kerrtesy make a thing , King Boo's final Gambit . Spirit Tracks lookin ass and I LOVE IT!!!!!

KB would totally kick Bowser outta his own body for his use lol. And I wanted to throw my hand at giving a sketch of what I think that would look like, I hope you enjoy @kerrtesy !!!! Even if this doodle is tiny and on lined paper lmao

I really enjoy your thingy!

Possesed Bowser has a protective Neck Brace connected to an armour plate that goes over his scales. Its a thin piece of armour so he can still retract into his shell, however this entire thing is to keep his Head on his body.

King Boo remembers his Puppet Bowser from the first game and sees how his possesion effects Bowser's real body: aka parts of the koopa's body becoming ghastly and able to detatch. So KB out of total parranoa strapped this chestplate to Bowser's body. (And hey, it ended up being a good idea. So Luigi would have a harder time nocking the Koopa onto his back and would have to find another way to get to the spector, not expecting Bowser's ghost to be coaperative enough to work with the green bean lol)

The amrour has spikes that can go in and out for accesablility, it also has a little Boo shaped lock! Because how would Luigi have anything that resembles a Boo in this fight between them? Genious!

Bowser's body reacts strangly to King Boo possesing him, the body is in half of a stage of panic wanting to Revive Bowser from the inside out (like we see in Inside Story) but at the same time, his body is alive??? His body kinda freaking out. Which is annoying to the spector because if he can't convince the body that it is Fine. Then he'll have a sudden growth sprout lmao. Smack his head into the ceiling and break something while in the middle of trying to plot evily, bro wont be able to get anything done if he just outgrows it and breaks it everytime (bc remember, revived Bowser becomes a Kaiju)

KB would work around it ofc, bc Kaiju Bowser would be very useful! Step on Luigi and kill him. EZ.... Right?

Bowser's arms are ghastly and stretch out all spooky like yeehaw. The bottom half of his legs are also ghastly which makes it easier for KB to traverse the big boy's body places or phaze through floors a little bit as a treat.

Reach through floors or train karts to try and bitch slap Luigi

[pbaz7]

excited excited!!!

My Delta flight to Hartford, Connecticut, was set to depart soon

only good things happen in connecticut

Adjusting the strap of my carry-on

I know damn well you put this in for me...

first-class boarding, I stepped forward,

damn first class! lil Paigey rich in every universe

Azzi Fudd. That’s ironic.

Azzi Fudd oh how ive missed you

I turned toward her, offering a small but confident smile. “Good morning.”

why did this make me cringe

I let the silence linger, enjoying the moment before saying. “I hope you have a great game, Azzi Fudd.”

oh so she's a fan

“You know who I am?”

PUHLEAASE

“So, are you a UConn fan, or…?”

who isn't atp

“Must be a big game for you to make the trip.”

there's a bigger picture and reason I know there is

I let the silence stretch a little longer before glancing at her. "You always sit next to people who know exactly who you are, or am I just lucky?"

just being able to look at Azzi Fudd not through a screen is one of life's greatest wonders so you better be grateful miss Paige bueckers

I chuckled. "You tell me. What do I look like?"

she's always so cryptic

Azzi gives me a curious look so I simply add, “Tore my ACL.”

oh. suddenly I have the urge to stop reading

I turned toward her, meeting her gaze with a confident ease. "You'll figure it out."

was she really famous before tearing that dang acl or...

After a while, I reached into my bag and pulled out a book, flipping it open to where I’d left off.

LMAO Paige would NEVER even dare to do as much as touch a book

“Not many people our age read these days.”

why is azzi the talkative one in this universe lmao

I chuckled at that, licking my slightly dry lips before I titled my head. “Twenty-two.”

god she's so fine YIRUGHIEOWAASWEFIRWBPI

the words on the page suddenly a little less interesting than the person sitting next to me.

well no duh it's azzi fudd

I chuckled. “I’m not much of a talker these days.”

how does it feel to lie...

I leaned back, letting the suspense build for a second before finally answering, “I’ve always been a South Carolina fan.”

PAIGE WOULD NEVER

“Point guard.”

hey Geno! lookie here! this is the position Paige is supposed to be playing!

I saw the way she took in the difference, her eyes narrowing just a little before she smirked to herself.

oh how I love tall women

Before I could think twice, I reached up, easily grabbing it for her and setting it down with a polite smile.

gentlewoman p as always

It wasn’t much, but I knew what she saw—how the muscles, usually understated, tensed for just a second, giving away what I was in fact an athlete.

I just wanna lick her biceps I mean what!

I huffed a quiet laugh, shifting my weight slightly. “You’ll see me, don’t worry.”

sticking to that mysterious vibe I guess

a small smirk tugged at Paige’s lips as she adjusted the strap of her bag

author... twice in one chapter is CRAZY

Paige’s smile softened, but there was something thoughtful in her expression. “Not much to give these days.”

bro what did this girl go through to mess her up this bad

The waiter jotted it down, her eyes flicking back to Paige, clearly intrigued. “I’ve never seen you around here before,” she said, voice tinged with interest. “I would’ve remembered a face like that.”

if I had a dollar istg

Paige set her cup down, her expression unreadable. “And what type do I seem like?”

mine😋

“Can I get you anything else gorgeous?”

sorry I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

Azzi let out a soft laugh, shaking her head. "Fine, but I’m getting it next time."

next time?

"I need you to be open-minded tomorrow, okay?"

pardon...

ok so what

she's gotta be their new like intern or assistant coach or some shit

wait im so intrigued this would be such a good movie idea I actually need this

loved this sm!!!

this is alr one of my favs of urs

-🍉

I know damn well you put this in for me...

whore

"So, are you a UConn fan, or...?" who isn't atp

yeah it’s actually crazy

there's a bigger picture and reason I know there is

there sure is

LMAO Paige would NEVER even dare to do as much as touch a book

lmao Azzi actually said Paige likes to read

I just wanna lick her biceps I mean what!

hm 🤨

bro what did this girl go through to mess her up this bad

good q

i’m actually so glad you like it because i’m winging this whole thing 😭😭

i’m excited to tackle it tho

[kittyball23]

Lullaby (a Trolls fanfic)

Summary: On the way to their first destination, the Trolls have a brief campout for the night

A/N: An idea by FandomKingdomGirl on AO3 as well as @pixarchan :)

__________________________________________

Nobody realized how much of a distance it was to their first stop, until the sky began to turn a gradient sunset color, and then gave way into night.

They had set out in the morning, traveling all day without rest, and it had taken its toll on the caterbus. Rhonda stretched out each of her four green legs and then flopped down on the ground, letting out a great big yawn. John Dory seated himself next to her and patted her fondly, the caterbus letting out a happy little purr in response.

Poppy in the meantime had nursed a fire, supplying wood to it so that it continued to keep them each warm. Sleeping bags were being set up by Branch around it, so they could all turn in for the night and be readily re-energized once tomorrow came.

“Ooo,” Tiny Diamond said, seeing the setup. “Are we gonna be telling scary stories?”

“No,” Poppy shook her head. “We’re gonna go to sleep.”

“What?” Tiny said, like he couldn’t believe it.

“It’s way past your bedtime,” the Pop Queen said matter-of-factly.

“A man doesn’t need bedtime!” Tiny Diamond pouted, crossing his arms.

“Oh, yes you do!” Poppy said. “How else are you gonna grow up to be big and strong?”

“Aunt Poppy, I’m already big and strong, see?” He flexed the teeny little muscles he had on his arms and Poppy sighed.

Branch could tell she was tired. With how energetic she was throughout the day, it all came crashing down at night. A fussy child was not something she would rather deal with right now when there was a nice, comfortable slumber awaiting her. So Branch stepped in to help.

“Proud of your boy

I'll make you proud of your boy

Believe me, bad as I've been, Ma

You're in for a pleasant surprise,

I've wasted time

I've wasted me

So say I'm slow for my age

A late bloomer, Okay, I agree…”

Branch sang just loud enough so that it could be heard over the crackling of the flames, and other nature sounds around them. Poppy glanced at him with delighted surprise, always charmed to hear his voice, but Tiny Diamond wasn’t sharing her sentiments exactly.

“A lullaby?” he said. “Nice try, but that never - “ He broke off, yawning suddenly, and realizing that it just might be working. Seeing that it was, Branch continued.

“That I've been one rotten kid

Some son, some pride and some joy

But I'll get over these lousin' up

Messin' up, screwin' up times

You'll see, Ma, now comes the better part

Someone's gonna make good

Cross his stupid heart

Make good and finally make you

Proud of your boy…”

It was clear that Tiny was falling to the sleeping spell, with the way he was bobbing his head and trying really hard not to let his eyes get too droopy. But he was being stubborn. He still had his glittery arms crossed and was sitting up straight. But Branch didn’t let it deter him.

“Tell me that I've been a louse and loafer

You won't get a fight here, no ma'am

Say I'm a goldbrick, a good-off, no good

But that couldn't be all that I am

Water flows under the bridge

Let it pass, let it go

There's no good reason that you should believe me

Not yet, I know, but…”

Poppy sighed in admiration, her hands tucked under her chin and her eyes dilated. He was so captivating when he sang. That voice of his was something special, a gift from the heavens that bore much talent. It was no longer anything new to her, but it was to someone else who hadn’t heard his singing voice for nearly two decades.

John Dory was just about to snooze against his pet caterbus, when Branch’s singing had made him perk right up. It sounded totally bro-dacious! Not realizing it, his jaw had dropped and his eyes had gone wide as the realization came to him. That was Baby Branch, the little infant who was only an inch tall and who’d sang there on stage next to him when he was a teenager, with a voice that was still developing in strength and uniqueness. Clearly, Branch hadn’t given up singing, and he seemed to have perfected his vocals so stunningly in the years he was on his own…

… years that John Dory was absent for.

A guilt suddenly came upon the teal Troll. He began to think back to how he’d greeted Branch back at the wedding earlier that day, as if no years had passed by, as though it was just another day up to their brotherly antics, when it obviously wasn’t the case. There were many years in between, years where he could’ve seen Branch grow into that lovely voice, and helped guide him there vocally. That was no longer possible… not without a time machine, which, didn’t exist of course.

Still, he wondered if there was a way to make amends to that bond…

“Someday and soon

I'll make you proud of your boy

Though I can't make myself taller

Or smatter or handsome or wise…”

John Dory had taken a leap of faith in joining in on the song, hoping that Branch wouldn’t get upset. Branch did not stop singing, but he did look over in surprise at his brother. A part of him was annoyed. He hadn’t wanted JD to sing with him. He wanted to sing with him only when the time required it, when they had already retrieved Spruce and Clay and were ready to do the perfect Family Harmony to free Floyd. But he couldn’t stop himself now. It would break the serene melody that was finally making Tiny shut his eyes for good, the fight in him to stay awake lost.

“I'll do my best, what else can I do?

Since I wasn't born perfect like Dad or you

Mom, I will try to

Try hard to make you

Proud of your boy…”

Both brothers sang, and Branch felt a little spark inside him once they’d concluded. It hadn’t sounded awful. It had sounded pretty good, and John Dory was beaming at him. Branch didn’t scowl at him. He didn’t smile just yet, but he wasn’t frowning or huffing either. He was just looking at him with the slightest hint of appreciation.It wasn’t much, but it was just enough for JD to get that vibe that things could be amended. They weren’t beyond repair - they could still be put right.

Poppy was bubbly with joy as she grabbed the sleeping baby and tucked him into one of the sleeping bags. Tiny smiled in his sleep and cuddled the blanket close to him, sucking his thumb. She then turned her gaze to Branch and JD, and could see the expressions on their faces. They’re going to be great friends by the end of this trip! Poppy thought to herself, looking forward to when she would see her boyfriend and his brother pal around, singing songs and hugging and dancing like they had years before.

Branch broke his gaze away first, and he glanced around them. “Wait… where am I gonna sleep?”

Poppy cocked her head. “Huh?” She looked down, and suddenly realized the predicament. Poppy had placed Tiny in Branch’s sleeping bag, and by the looks of it, the Trolling seemed far too comfortable to be moved. Aside from John Dory’s sleeping bag, which he was already settled into, there was only Poppy’s pink one.

“Ohhh… oops,” the Pop Queen said, biting her lip in contemplation.

“Hmm,” JD thought, and then he snapped his fingers as he thought of a perfect solution. “Say, why don’tcha sleep together!”

“WHAT?!”

John Dory reared back as the two Trolls yelled in shock back at him. “Whoa, chill, alright? I just thought the sleeping bag looked big enough to fit ya,” he explained. “What’d you think I meant?”

As Poppy’s face turned red with a blush, Branch already began to walk off. “You know what? I, uh, I can just gather some leaves and moss and stuff and I’ll just make myself a pile to sleep on, okay? Okay!” He hurried off.

“But won’t that be uncomfortable?” John Dory called after him.

“NOPE!” came the strained reply.

JD was confused when Poppy too didn’t want to speak anymore. “Well, goodnight!” she squeaked, quickly tucking herself into the pink sleeping bag and making sure to turn her face away from his.

John Dory exchanged a baffled look with Rhonda. “Was it something I said?”

Rhonda only shrugged.

__________________________________________ A/N: Song is "Proud of Your Boy" from the Aladdin musical 🎶