#I'm doing a lot better btw
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My brother: Wow. Some girl was murdered, and the police refused to investigate, so her brother falsely confessed to get the case reopened.
My sister: .....Well we're not doing that.
Other sister, to her husband: Take one for the team, Ian!
#my family#I mean we still don't know if there's gonna be an investigation or not since we don't know what the coroner ruled the cause of death#but my dad has a friend who's gonna be looking into stuff anyway#I'm doing a lot better btw#still sucks as all get out#but we've gotten a few signs that he's at peace#and that has made things a lot easier#the funeral is tomorrow also and I feel like we'll all be able to exhale once all that is done with#it's okay to laugh at this post btw#finding humor in terrible situations is part of how my family deals with grief#and the brother I lost was one of the most irreverent#he would be making jokes in this situation too
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Life Update
#Sorry for the disappearance#my lungs stopped functioning LOL#However God has let me live another day and I'm about to make it everyone's problem <3#(on a brief hiatus maybe?)#(we'll see????)#littlecrittereli#(Im doing a lot better now btw!! No need to worry!! <33)
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Keiji is a character that I'm pretty sure every one of us can recognize is an absolute weirdo (ok maybe some are too hard on copium for the "weirdo" part) and sketchy as hell, but thinking about everything he's done it really feels like he's so much shady and ruthless than we give him credit for. So here's me bulletpointing some the moments that I haven't seen too many talk about, a little theory throwing his status into question and addressing the massive elephant in the room that almost everyone refuses to acknowledge. If there's something else you feel I missed or wanted to evaluate on, do leave it in the comments.
[Also, disclaimer: I will be discussing Keiji and Sara in a romantic light near the end of this post, so if that makes you uncomfortable please proceed with caution or skip entirely. This should go without saying but for my own sake I will say it anyway-- No, I do not condone their relationship in real life. No, this is not meant to be "shippy" or endorsement of any kind. This will simply be pointing out their dynamic as another example to prove the whole point of this rant. But if someone else does ship them that's totally fine. Fiction doesn't equal reality and if you harass a real person over fictional characters you will not see the light of heaven. Be civil, please and thank you. My block button is rated E for Everyone and if anyone decides to ignore the warnings and be an asshole I won't hesitate to use it. Thanks for listening. Disclaimer over.]
*Being a murderer.
I feel like I should start with the most obvious and undeniable. I don't think this is debatable to anyone here. Mr. Policeman may have been an accident and kinda confirmed by Midori to have been set up, but he still shot and killed an unarmed man in a moment of panic and recklessness. Even putting that aside, there's no denying that he killed Megumi in cold blood to get out of his debt to her and covered it up to the group to preserve his credibility. Regardless of what you think of Megumi, he has no excuse here. Not only is he one more kill away from being a serial killer, he's the only participant in our group that has actually killed people directly aside from Alice. Another reason why I bring this up is cuz something that completely flew over my head is this:
At the start of the game he had the audacity to complain about not having a partner or someone he knows with him like Sara does as if he didn't literally let Megumi get ripped apart by chains probably not even an hour ago Keiji what the hell--
*Throwing Kanna under the bus repeatedly.
Despite positioning himself as a protector and someone to rely on, he's far from above putting their youngest members in danger. Next to voting for the fourteen year old girl to die, he had the great idea of letting said fourteen year old be the one to babysit their biggest liability. Up to the point where they would stay in the same room both day and night. While I absolutely 100% trust that Sou would never EVER do anything to her, Keiji had no guarantee of that when he send her off. Hell, he literally just got done accusing Sou of setting Joe up to die (which I don't believe almost solely based on the fact that he said it, more on that another time maybe). He knew Sou was bad news, and openly acknowledges how adults can be terrifying, but he did it anyway. The dubiety of throwing the already traumatised little girl to keep watch on what they thought to be the most dangerous adult that had manipulated her once before is not lost on me, and that he didn't take any responsibility for her afterwards isn't lost on me either. To be fair, the Sou and Kanna thing doesn't just fall on him, it falls on everybody (Alice gets a pass because he actually swapped out with Kanna to watch Sou for her), but he was the one with the final say on the matter and who encouraged her to take the role despite Reko's rightful protests. The fact that he also voted for her to die in the Main Game, and is the only adult to do so, doesn’t help his case.
*Attempting to frame Sou knowing Reko was actually responsible.
While you could argue he was trying to cover for her since he knew why she did what she did, trying to pin this act on Sou to cast more doubt on his is extremely shitty. Never mind the blatant corruption and the irony of a supposed man of the law abusing his power to knowingly frame an innocent person (in this situation at least), and him sowing more seeds of confusion and resentment within an already rattled group, and giving Sou legitimate reason to be suspicious of him (and by extension Sara)-- this makes it so difficult to trust him after realising he's done this. Literally every time he accuses someone of being or doing something suspicious (mostly Sou), I always have to think in the back of my head if he’s telling the truth or just telling a blatant lie. He's shown that he's willing to not only lie to cover for himself, but to lie to delegitimize someone else. And Sara never caught onto it (Sou and maybe even Nao likely did tho). She never openly acknowledged it-- No one did. The complete lack of mention of what he did here makes this action quite missable. Hell, I didn't even catch it the first time. Has he done this before? Who else has he lied about? Who else would he lie about? Who else would he knowingly pit against the group? You don't have to wait for that answer, because I will provide an example later. And with "later", I mean now.
*Casting suspicion on Gin before the vote while hiding the fact that he killed Megumi.
While it's not as blatant as with Kanna, there are two instances where Keiji shows a readiness to either put or leave Gin in harm's way. The biggest one for me is in the Main Game. Like, how dare you. That is a furry child, sir. This kid’s like TWELVE. Even though he makes a valid point about calling out suspicious actions to clear them up so we can all trust each other, casting doubt on Gin of all people right there feels pretty screwed to me. This was before the preliminary vote. His words could’ve very well gotten Gin voted for if he couldn’t disclose why he did what he did for whatever reason and therefore being unable to clear himself from suspicion. It’s even more fucked when you realise that Keiji has literally murdered his partner and is currently planning to get Sou killed while giving this whole spiel about doubting others so that we can believe them and pointing the finger at a little kid to make an example to the group. But when Nao, Sou and Sara call him out on his suspicious actions that could rightfully damage his credibility, he tries to shut them down completely. My brother in Christ, you brought it on FIRST (don’t get me wrong I’m very much aware he didn’t really mean the whole “trusting each other” bit but come on dude)--
Speaking about not meaning what he says:
*Letting the group think he’s Ok to vote for knowing he’s the Keymaster.
This kinda got to me because I thought this was Keiji actually being… vulnerable? Accepting the consequences of his actions and allowing them to vote for him in their distrust without protest even tho it could cost him his life, maybe. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I can’t remember a lot of times-- or any times, really-- where Keiji has willing put himself into the line of fire, at this point at least. He always finds a way to keep himself safe, give himself insurance, and I thought that this would be the one time he doesn’t do that. But this feels so ominous looking back knowing that he was the Keymaster the whole time. That our distrust and betrayal and his resignation to it all didn’t matter because he was going to be safe no matter what. That he knowingly allowed us to assume that he was a safe vote because he didn’t want his plan to kill Sou to be ruined, which narrowed down choice of people we can safely vote for even further. That this action is ultimately the reason why Sou and Kanna were our only options to kill off in the end. If he had admitted it there, we could’ve found someone else to vote for so our final options could consist of three people, not two. But he didn’t, and the rest is history. There’s a lot of things he’s done I can’t get over. This one ranks pretty high. The second Main Game is already a huge sore spot for me for obvious reasons; knowing that a lot of the things that happened were due to his inaction where it truly mattered and activity in all the wrong places doesn’t make me fee any better. He didn't say he was a safe vote-- he didn't lie-- but his words carefully omit that voting for him means a total party death, something he should've stated then (and before this, really).
*Leaving Sara with the sacrifice card.
Despite making a big show about “always being by her side” and being her “reliable policeman”, he chose to look away when she was in real danger. He attached himself to her as her right hand man, made her shoulder the responsibility of being the leader, constantly manipulated and flattered her to win her trust and gain her favour-- but when she needed him the most, he basically left her for dead because it was the most beneficial to him. Keep in mind that not only did he know about her getting the sacrifice (he was also the sage so he'd have seen the trade happen), but he had the tokens to help her get rid of it. But those tokens weren’t for her life. They were for his. He used them instead to give himself the Keymaster as insurance for the Main Game (the Keymaster he stole from Sou/Kanna most likely to buy Sara’s trust btw). His desperation for survival outweighed his sense of obligation to keep her safe, and that’s the most subtle yet transparent he’s been about his selfishness. What makes this so much worse is that Keiji is our support character. He’s an ally, and our closest one at that, to the point where Sara burned her hands in a futile attempt to rescue him and signed her life away to save his. And yet his loyalty and protectiveness pale in comparison to other characters. Compare his actions to Sou’s: one of their many parallels and similarities is that both their girls get hit with the sacrifice card. As we’ve established, Keiji was fully aware of Sara being send the sacrifice by Sou, had 50 tokens ready to go and chose to secure his own survival than save her life. Kanna ended up doing it instead, attempting to trade the card off Sara with Sou realising what happened immediately. And what does Sou do? Completely bend over backwards trying to keep her alive. He lied about being the Sacrifice so the others wouldn’t suspect Kanna of having that role, meaning he could try gathering vote for her without anyone seeing his true intentions. He tried to stop her about coming out with the truth of what she had done so she doesn’t sentence herself to death. After everything he did to survive-- after how much he lied, how much he schemed, how much he hurt, and how he had thrown himself away to replace everything that made him Shin with the man that had traumatised him years before the game began to scrape together even the tiniest chance to survive-- he threw it all to the wind and was willing to let it all be in vain if it meant she got to make it out of the Main Game alive. The worst part is that Sou had never intended to make it through that Main Game. He confessed to already knowing that Kanna would choose Sara over him if she truly had the Sacrifice card. Yet he still did what he did all in the hopes that she could win. Because it was all about her survival first, not about them surviving together.
It also gives a different context to Sou's panic and him stumbling over his words trying to come up with any argument to get them to stop. At first I thought that Sou was afraid for his life. Which would make sense-- Keiji and Q-taro set him up to die and seemed pretty adamant on having everyone voting for him to get it all over with. But he was already prepared to die the minute he realised Kanna traded with Sara. So it means it wasn’t his life he was fearing for here-- it was hers. To him, if they voted for him there, it wouldn’t have just been his end but hers too. But we know that Kanna isn’t the one who has the sacrifice. It’s Nao, and considering how the Main Game can end either or both of them dead, I wonder if he regrets not having given up there, not letting Keiji get away with that shitty stunt he pulled knowing it would’ve at least guaranteed her safety than leave her fate in hands of a girl with enough reason to kill her. Ignoring the sounds of my heart shattering into pieces for the 100th time thinking about the Greenblings, it’s so fascinating that our biggest rival and most distrusted member has a greater sense of loyalty and responsibility for his ally than Keiji has for his own. Sou can be a liar and manipulative and selfish, but for how unpredictable he is something I can always trust is his love for those he holds dear (Kanna) and general desire to protect our most vulnerable (Gin). Sou loves Kanna, and so he’s fine with protecting her even if it comes at a price he never wanted to pay. Keiji surely cares about Sara, but unfortunately that is something I can’t say about him-- at least at that time (also the fact that Sou ended up taking more care and responsibility for Kanna despite Keiji having been the one to throw her on him in the first is so ironic).
*Continuously pushing Sara to take on the role of leader.
I think one of Keiji's biggest failures in the game come from his treatment of Sara despite positioning himself as her most reliable ally and her partner. From the very get-go, he was very adamant of making Sara be the one to shoulder the responsibility of the group. He, along with Joe (he didn't do anything wrong here), pushed Sara to be the Challenger during the Russian Roulette, despite Q-taro and Kai being readily available. He made Sara be the one to interrogate the suspicious convict while distancing himself from the situation. And he encourages her to lead them through the Main Game, lets her make the choices that steer them all forward and as a consequence take the fall for them as well. Rather than take on the role himself, or let another adult take it, he places his full trust in her and makes her shoulder everyone's weight so he doesn't have to. And he can see the effect it has on her: having horrific hallucinations due to the immense guilt she feels. But having Sara as their leader gives him a greater shot at survival and helps his credibility, so even though he tries to provide her comfort he still continues to keep her in that role. Again, the high schooler taking responsibility for the adults falls on a lot of the older people here, but Keiji was the one who kickstarted it rather than just go along with it like everyone else had. Gin, Nao, Kanna, Reko and even fucking Sou to an extent all have moments where they take the burden off her and relieve her of that pain she shoulders all the time (or at least try to). I need Keiji to take more responsibility for both the group and for her.
*Pitting Sara and Joe against each other.
This is just another example of the previous point. This isn't as bad, and I could give him the benefit of the doubt that this might have not been intentional, but it's something I want to bring up regardless. I'll be the first to say that Keiji wasn't wrong here. Prying into everyone's votes is a very bad move, especially since no one knew that Mishima would actually die (it was introduced as a practice round, after all). I agree with him, Joe was being rash, but instead of leaving the conversation there, he decided to throw Sara into it to pick a side. Which is... not good. He already won the argument and already had Reko on his side. Bringing in Sara could not only make Joe feel worse and potentially strain their relationship (especially if she rightfully chooses Keiji's side like he was expecting and hoping for), but just puts Sara in the spotlight during something she doesn't want to be part of. While there's a chance he might've done this because he know Joe is more likely to listen to her than him, he should've known better than that. It again makes her take the responsibility of giving the final verdict that would've otherwise gone to him.
*Asking Sara to take responsibility for his life
I've got nothing other that the grown adult swearing his life to the grieving, unstable teenager to take responsibility for while asking her if she'd die along with him is weird as heck. Keiji's said weirder things prior to this, but this one is a different weird. I think Beanieman's post mostly echoes my thoughts on this on, so I'll link it here for this point. This part kinda bothers me:
He shouldn't be encouraging her taking on anymore responsibility than she already is. He knows that the deaths that happened under her leadership haunt her. He knows that she's very much unstable enough already, to the point where he takes baby-steps to avoid triggering her trauma over Joe. He positioned himself as her reliable partner, her rock to lean on (quite literally sometimes). We see first hand how emotionally dependent she is on him. If he died, it would destroy her-- she'd destroy herself over it. He knows this (or should) but he still does it. His disappointment and dismissiveness when she understandably rejects him makes it worse. The guilt of potentially not living up to his expectations is not what she needs.
*Potentially working for Asunaro
This is more ambiguous than everything else here and more a theory than anything but it's been on my mind for a long time that Ranmaru might actually be onto something here. We know that Asunaro has a strong hold on the police. Midori was able to infiltrate the force, and they were able to get rid of Mr. Policeman for looking into the corruption going on, first having Megumi fire him and secondly getting Keiji to kill him by planting false info about the suspect having a gun. Megumi was also able to get Keiji off the hook for murder, which I believe Asunaro had a hand in too (I theorize this might've been her wish). There's also Alice, who was arrested and sent to prison despite the fact that he (legally) didn't kill anyone since Midori was a doll. The police are connected to Asunaro-- by extension Megumi and extending further potentially Keiji.
Something I've seen someone rightfully point out is that neither of the options you're given to say in response to the accusation... actually deny it? Both choices dance around answering directly, which is suspect as fuck. If Keiji truly wasn't with Asunaro, why not shut that theory down immediately? There's no benefit to answering anything but "no" when he's innocent, and he's lied straight to people's faces for less. So why not just debunk it? I think it's cuz there might be some truth to what Ranmaru was saying here. The biggest reason I think this is because despite the fact that Keiji quit the force, he and Megumi were still associating with each other years later. They were kidnapped together and partnered up for their first trial. One missable piece of dialogue is Keiji admitting that he was with his partner-- or rather a "coworker"-- before getting knocked out.
That slip of the tongue and backtracking makes me believe this part to be true. Him switching from "my partner" to "a coworker", which is a lot more distant and impersonal, makes me think it's got to be Megumi. However, I don't believe that Keiji would wanna keep in touch with her after what happened willingly, so I can only imagine that it's due to that debt he has to her. My little game theory here is that after the shooting, the debt he owed her was a forced recruitment into Asunaro. It's the only thing I can imagine he meant by "the worst kind of debt", a debt he'd literally let her die for to get out of. And if this is true, then it could also explain away his instant attachment to Sara, since he'd know beforehand that she's someone he can depend on due to her having the highest chance at survival. Maybe he already knew about her beforehand, one way or the other. We know Hayasaka did (which I think we as a fandom moved on from way too fast btw). Kai and Sou did too. There's always a chance. And unlike Sou's victory rate and Midori's favourite number, it's not zero. One person made a comic about this idea I recommend checking it out, it's tastefully unsettling. But still very much unsetling and uncomfortale. Be warned that it's also Keisara-centred, so if that makes you even more uncomfortable they did the job right you can ignore it. Proceed with caution or don't read if you don't like.
*Being a predator
I have been waiting so long for this one XD For context: a while ago I made a longpost discussing the sanitisation of soushin and this kind of toxic attitudes in fandoms regarding "problematic content" (ships, characters, shows, you name it). In it, I mentioned that it's not only soushin that receives this treatment but a certain other dynamic too. It's not a rainy day, however this has been way overdue and if I don't get this done now I never will.
Something I've seen a lot, and I mean a LOT-LOT is this notion that Keiji acts "like a father" to Sara and that their relationship is a completely platonic father-daughter bond and that he's the resident dad of the group? Like, it's cute, but that's not at all what their relationship is. At all. Not even a little bit. We called Sou and Kanna siblings before the Greenblings reveal. The difference is that not only does half the fandom think this man is gay, but he's only ever been protective and caring and loving without any romantic intentions towards Kanna ever. His title as her brother was deserved, based on the genuine affection and platonic protectiveness similar to that of Alice's. Keiji has made advances tho, on many occasions, and his flirting is repeatedly acknowledged by other characters. Namely Sou and Reko.
(Sou grills him for being a creep every chance he gets I love him XD) But yeah, these are not the type of reactions and comments you receive when being a "father-figure" to the teenager. You get all this when you hit on the teenager. Which he does all the time by calling her "cute" every time she asks something and his "cute little detective", swearing himself to her by saying that "he's always on her side" or something like that, asking her if she'd die alongside him, repeatedly claiming or insinuating that they're on a date, or ""having a moment"" and going to ""take the next step"" when in private (*cough* groomer *cough*)-- you name it, he likely said it. He's a walking-talking ladykiller machine and teenage girls aren't safe, apparently.
(Quick note: The dialogue for the Russian Roulette one is a tad different now. In the new translation he says "cause you're so darn cute" now. I dunno if that makes it sound any less weird, but I felt like putting that out there. What I'm also putting out there is that according to the trivia he calls her cute 8 times throughout the game so. Yeah. *Cough* groomer *COUGH COUGH*)
Like, who tf says this?? Especially that last part 💀 Even if you wanna die on the hill that these are supposed to be "jokes" not to be taken seriously, we should all be able to agree that the (ex)police officer in his late 20s jokingly hitting on the high schooler he follows around is still weirdo behaviour at best and down right despicable at worst. The fandom seeing lowkey predatory/inappropriate behaviour from a figure of authority persistent for almost three entire chapters and dismissing it as "fatherly" and "platonic" is, well, concerning. It's very concerning. If your dad acts like Keiji, you should probably call the police. Unfortunately for Sara, Keiji is the police. And considering this guy got away with manslaughter, I don't think said police would do anything anywho. But yeah-- he uses flattery and flirting to distract her from prodding to much at him while simultaneously aiming to gain favour in her eyes. He showers her with reassurance of his loyalty and affirmation of his deeper attachment towards her and her alone every chance he gets to cement his position as her closest and most trustworthy ally. He insinuates a romantic partnership between them to others to mostly keep her to himself or the two of them alone (he always does that when they're investigating or going to investigate by themselves). There's such an obvious romantic undertone to their relationship and his actions that it going almost completely ignored in the fandom feels weird to me.
I want to make clear that there's nothing wrong with headcanoning Keiji as a father figure to Sara. It's cute. Keiji didn't have a dad himself, and the closest thing to a father figure he had was the man he shot dead. He's a damaged and hardened guy. But Sara's dad is involved with Asunaro and Gin's is an alcoholic, and in a situation where they both need guidence and protection he tries his best to grow and change, fumbling to become that decent father none of them got to have. It's nice, and a wholesome dynamic for our "characters with memorandum counterparts and only non-determined deaths" trio. But that's obviously not what their dynamic is. There's a difference between headcanoning something and erasing canon and the Yttd fandom leans heavily into the latter. Keiji's a creep, he always has been, yet 90% of people I see always portray him as a Mr. Dad Guy or completely sanitise him to hell when him being creepy and unnerving to be around is what made him such a fascinating character. Just like I said with Soushin, the sanitisation to make canon more digestible is one thing: harassing or insulting the people that explore canon is another. I'm gonna take a bullet, derail this rant and say it-- Keisara shippers get so much shit for literally being right it's so infuriating. Keiji does hit on Sara, a lot. He's creepy and weird like that. Him flirting with her isn't a "mistranslation" or a joke or anything like that; his dubious wording and antics are very much intentional. Yet the only people I see actually addressing and acknowledging that without adding fluff is keisara shippers and other ""proshippers"" only for them to get fucking sniped for it I cannot 💀💀 I have yet to meet a single eastern fan who calls this cop "fatherly". This really feels like such a western issue cuz the majority of the japanese fandom agrees that this man's a predator (correct me if i'm wrong but keisara is the most popular ship in the japanese side of the fandom, right?). Then again, eastern fandoms are more chill over there when it comes to separating fiction and reality in general anywho.
*Yeah, I think I'm done with the Keiji slander. Yay. Time to unceremoniously end this.
There's more to say about that, but this is a Keiji post, not another shipping discourse post (although it's hard discussing Keiji's predatory behaviour without bringing it up too). Before I do spiral from the original point, I'm going to try and reach some sort of conclusion here. While I did spent the majority of this post just reading Keiji to filth, and am very salty towards him in particular, this was not just to rake him through mud for my own sanity (tho it's part of it XD). Keiji's character is that he started off as someone who wanted to do the right thing, someone who wanted to be good and moral and protect others by joining the force only to kill all the progress he made along with the person who inspired him to become an officer in the first place. It heavily contrasts the Keiji we have now, a sleazy, unreliable and corrupt ex detective who flirts with underage girls and is willing to resort to the most bankrupt of decisions to save himself. A man that has long lost hope of his wounds healing that he lets them fester and his rot spread onto others. And while I headcanon Keiji to just inherently be a piece of shit, his former self tried his best to be genuinely good before he became so convinced he can never be better that he made peace with his shittiness in the end.
With all this I wanted to highlight some the shadier and bankrupt things he's done that I haven't seen much discussion around and refresh myself on them before the final part. Both so no matter how emotionally dependent and therefore rose-tinted Sara is about the man I don't forget what he's actually like and what he's done while also being able to appreciate how much he's changed for the better. Some of my favourite examples about how he's changed are these:
Before the second Main Game Keiji was willing to let Sara and Kanna die because it was the most beneficial option for him, but in Chapter 3 he takes the on the role of "it" from Kanna and refuses to tag Sara when he thought he was gonna die after failing to beat Midori.
Actually showing more sympathy towards Sou after the Main Game. He was very mean about dismantling his pretence of a cold front to Kanna's death, don't get me wrong, but he showed a lot more consideration and understanding for Sou's feelings and acknowledgement about his active role in it than he ever had beforehand.
He was genuinely fighting for everyone to survive the game, not just himself. While Keiji would prefer everyone making it out safely, he has a tendency to guarantee his own survival first through any means necessary. His plan to corner Midori in the banquet could've cost him his life if it weren't for Q-taro's final stunt, yet he still reassured Sara to save Gin even tho it could've resulted in his execution from Meister potentially finding him guilty of violating the rules.
Him hugging Mai and trying to be more cheerful was cute as heck. I'm sorry but him showing more vulnerability around his allies and being less closed off in a way he hasn't been before is something I'm very head empty about. That he was hugging and interacting with Mai without making any unwanted advances or ladykiller jokes and generally just having a more friendly vibe was nice. It makes his creeping on Sara more unfortunate, but I'll take what I can for now. The bar is in hell.
And that's it, I think. Overall, I hope they do address some of his actions here in the final part or make them have an impact on his and Sara's relationship. Especially that Asunaro part. The person who wished for Sara to join the death game is still unknown and so is Keiji's consent form wish (same goes for the Dummies, Hinako and Megumi), so I'm curious if they're related or not. If he's going to go down an even darker path or redeem himself as much as he can we'll see when the final part drops. He has the potential to go both ways. This is going to be kinda awkward if the next part reveals him to have been a decent guy all along, so hopefully that doesn't happen. Please be morally bankrupt, man. This post didn't end up the way I wanted it to, nor bring up as many points as I would've liked, but I know I won't finish it if I went full perfectionist on it (I already spent months on this writer's block do be a bitch) and it's looking kinda long already. Hopefully it's still decent enough as is right now. I'd like to say that this is my apology for the last longpost I made, but I brought up one of the most controversial and hated ships and traits of Keiji's character and defended them, so maybe I shouldn't 🙃 Anywho, hope you enjoyed and cheerio.
#yttd#your turn to die#keiji shinogi#keisara#character discussion#apologies to all the keiji fans i promise i'm one of you. sorta#he's one of my faves in the game and ranks pretty high but not for the reasons he should i think#keiji's one of those characters i feel negatively about yet want to learn and do more with so that's the energy i probably give off here#also i noticed that most of these points involve sara which makes sense but is also very sad when you think about it#there's a lot of other things i'd want to expand on (mainly that last point) but i suppose i can wait another day#this is going to be my last longpost in a while because i'm going to be busier from today for better or for worse. probably for better lmao#last reminder to be nice. this isn't twitter but i know better#i'll beta read it again later for any mistakes i missed so apologies for any potential typos or errors#also it might actually rain today so heck yeah#i'm a soushin shipper so happy keisara week to anyone that participates btw ^_^#momento rambles
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“Yes, dear,” Fanny said. A damsel in distress. A cussing damsel in distress. She didn’t need saving. She’d chosen this. Had Cup done the same? No, he was a child. It had to have been different. Was he waiting to be saved? Why couldn’t he save himself? Fanny spotted her reflection in the hallway mirror. Why couldn’t he save himself?
-Chapter 348: Rabbit Reflections
No Text and Rambles below
"Why couldn't he save himself?" / "Why can't I save myself?"
I jumped through so many hurdles to try to get this finished. From making an entire wallpaper pattern that I'd only fade and edit to my desires to having an entirely different drawing as a reference picture so I could figure out how to draw her all the way to looking up dozens of references in the 1920s. I was determined to finish this.
I would've used text but procreate doesn't have that? Not that I've found. So my handwriting it is. Hopefully it's legible, if not that's the quotes underneath that last picture. I went with color instead of grayscale bc I missed my colors... How am I supposed to thrive without my wacky colors?
Now to talk about Fanny, so headsup some mentions of domestic violence this does get a bit more serious.
This version of Fanny is my favorite character when it comes to depictions of abusive relationships hands down. I've been in a similar situation in my life before so to grow up, get older and understand these subjects and to see how well it's depicted and carefully it's treated has me jumping off the walls.
This moment specifically hit hard for me. The implied "why can't I save myself?" as she looks in the mirror, was painfully relatable. I don't think most understand how genuinely difficult it is to leave an abusive partner [especially as a woman in the 1920s!!! I hope Fanny gets out okay!] and how much more you'd have to sacrifice to get out of that situation
No matter how much support you have it will ALWAYS be hard. I especially love how Cup's relationship with Fanny has shifted from romantic to Cup genuinely trying to support her and how Vicious coached him. Because yes that's the correct thing to do. Which is to be there for them.
No matter how much you want them to leave them or for their s/o to drop dead or how frustrating they are about staying, the most important thing is to support them.
I hope I did this scene the justice I was thinking of giving it when I read this. I do love Fanny and hope to see her in a healthier situation and picking up better habits. Which might be the direction she's going with recent events, so that's exciting!
Anyway I've rambled enough lol hope you guys like this it felt like forever to finish it
#the inky mystery#my hart#im!fanny cottontail#babitim#bendy and boris in the inky mystery#Spoilers for Chapter 348 btw#Also I think I mentioned Fanny is the one character I'd never be able to do an analysis on#This is bc how biased I am that I can't analyze her choices#She's also a character that's self-indulgent for me to read about :] so I don't have a lot of interest in analyzing her#It sounds like she's going to get worse before she gets better AND WHOOP I'M READY FOR IT#I love when characters get worse and questionable it's my favorite part
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I think some folks MAY have gotten the wrong idea about how I feel about Circe with some of my posts. So, to clear the air...
Homies, I love that fucked up sorceress.
I love how we're never given a reason why she turns people into animals. That's so funny and so awful. And another potion-making magic gal?!?! I love that she's just basically vibing on an island doing whatever she wants. I even love the fact that she scares Odysseus shitless! She's morally gray and that's why she's FUN.
I just sincerely hate when people try to girlboss her or have her be a victim of SA when she never was Looking at you, Miller. Especially when she was actually the one who coerced Odysseus in exchange for his men being transformed back into humans. And even then, while he was clearly afraid of her, (it's in the language of the Odyssey) she likely meant him no harm after a certain point. He just didn't know that.
Why does she need a reason to do awful things? Why can't she just be a goddess who does whatever she wants? That's the reason why I love her!!! She's fucked up!!! :D
I hate what the Telegony did to her as well! >:( You're telling me, this sorceress goddess, who makes potions (!!!) wouldn't have magic contraceptives??? Would WANT CHILDREN?!?! WITH THE PATHETIC WIFEMAN?! No. Fuck no. Eugammon of Cyrene, I have beef with you 🤬
Anyways!!! Understand all the "#anti circe" I have is simply Anti "Girlboss Circe" or the book. I genuinely think she's neat af as her morally gray, fucked up sorceress self and just get frustrated with...everything :'D
#I have these same feelings with Medea and Medusa and so many others. Penelope too. Let them do something fucked up just to be fucked up#I'm a “god forbid women do anything” in the sense of 'she did a fucked up thing. That's why she's fascinating. Don't take her awfulness#away from her!!! please! I wanna study her under a microscope!'😭#PLEASE#...I actually kind of don't like the idea of her actually caring about her nymphs :P maybe she “protects them” but like...#I see her as a “Why are all of you dancing? Oh. it's a birthday? hm okay. Just make sure your duties are done.” while not caring#whose birthday it is. She's not really shown to be close to them during the Odyssey and idk just seems in character for her to not give af#save me morally gray circe#<-making that a tag now because...yeah. She absolutely wouldn't save me though.#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus#anti madeline miller#anti circe#<-THE BOOK! I HATE THE BOOK! LET HER BE AWFUL YOU COWARDS#Why do women need to be SA'ed to be strong Miller?! >:(#...Ima say it. The pathetic wifeman is more relatable to me than Hot Snake Monster Lady when it comes to this stuff.😤#I just sincerely hate the fact that people erase what happened to him you know? It's silly but it means a lot to me.#Also I think she got bored of him immediately and simply let him chill at her place.#She's a goddess. She's got better things to do and she absolutely doesn't love him and he absolutely doesn't want her.#I don't have with Eugammon btw. He's dead and I'm exaggerating but I STILL hate the Telegony >:(#tw sa#kind of??? idk#barely mentioned but yeah#Calypso though?? Yeah. I hate her in practically everything except Pirates of the Caribbean because that's not Odyssey Calypso
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Ashurbanipal’s tank got reno’d yesterday!
+ bonus nap time piccies — he took to his new cave p quickly! 🐟💤
#bettablr#fishblr#I was happy he settled into the new cave so fast!#he tends to snooze very hard I kept 👁️👃👁️ checking on his breathing lmao#it freaks me out I’ve never had a betta conk out like he does#I was fighting for my life doing this btw#I kinda wish I was able to glue the plants in a different orientation but this is how it worked best#(I wanted them to fit against the wood as naturally as possible)#but im still relieved it worked out. the driftwood adds a lot more depth and color#the pics could be better but we know i'm gonna take more anyway 👼#Ashurbanipal
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lewis hamilton probably knows how to play texas hold'em, right?
a quick photo edit to texas hold'em... beyonce x lewis hamilton hits me different
#lewis hamilton#lh44#chewis#1644#f1#formula 1 edit#f1 edit#formula one edit#f1 web weave#f1 web weaving#f1blr#wiz.webweave#did i listen to a lot of beyonce while trying to do this? yes.#could it probably still be better? yes#anyway i'm not an editor i am simply a person on a lunar new year holiday trying my best#btw do y'all remember the alien superstar lewis edits#those were amazing#editors u have my full respect#lewis hamilton & beyonce
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just a guy and his snowpal ⛄❄️
#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4#sims 4 gameplay#sims 4 screenshots#simblr#it's missing my pixel son grant hours#actually i've seen a lot of him lately bc i've been working super hard on story posts - yippee yippeee!!#it's just going slow but i swear they're coming again *pinky promise*#btw if you are reading the tags and you do read the story - question??#do y'all prefer waiting for me to finish a whole bunch so a cohesive arc is released over a short span all at once?#or do you prefer more frequent updates mini updates that just take longer to cover the arc overall?#if that makes sense#it's much easier for me to do the former bc i've styled my story that way but i notice a lot of people do mini but frequent updates instead#and i'm just kinda curious if one would work better than the other or if people have preferences as readers#i don't know that i would retool it bc i like the long drawn out scenes/arcs i do but i also do want to make more story#and the potential is maybeeee there that i could push things out faster as for the whole narrative if i don't wait until i have time to mas#produce the content#like rn because i'm doing a whole sprint to finish this one arc all at once but i had to wait forever until i had christmas break to do it#holocene.png#hlcn: story extras#hlcn: grant
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Ah I rec'd Bodhi mainly because i like his design lol, but also because he seems interesting, + as a fellow oc-haver i love seeing other people's Little Guys and enabling art of them!! /gen
u and me anon we are kindred souls... here's an extra bodhi and some ethos for good luck 🫡
#it's rare I use acrylic paint#normally I go with acrylic markers for better control#paint has better mixibg#tikas ocs#anon#answered#btw I do draw etho a lot but like some times it's not the most interesting etho I drew so I don't post him#but I can post him here#i mean the reason I don't lost is if like#oh what if I need him for a day when I'm burnt out#but then I finish the sketch book and I forget to post him at all#anyways these doodles might escape that fate#maybe I'll Rb onto dailyethoslab#my art#bodhi#don't ask about the giant brown blotchy I don't even know what happened
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Such a fun idea!
Jake's family causes the hangster break up please!
So, in other fandoms, and for other ships, I've read a lot of breakup/getting back together fic (it's a preferred flavor of mine in fiction) and I especially love when one side's family is part of the problem. Though both sides is also really good. But I hadn't seen it in Hangster before (though if someone else has written the concept, please let me know. I would LOVE to read it!)
And once the thought was in my head, I couldn't not let it fully form. For anyone who'd like to read the post with the idea mostly fully developed, you can find it here.
Though things not mentioned with the original idea, is that the guy Jake has officially started tentatively dating is super chill and is 100% on Jake's side about the breakup. I thought about making him an asshole, to fit the vibes of the Seresin family (who will mainly just be a bunch of stuck up assholes in this) but I also decided to give Jake ONE good sister, so it wouldn't be his entire family ruining his life.
And, I dunno, while the Seresin's aren't the entire cause of the breakup, they do set off a lot of the loose gun powder that is the relationship and I wanted to explore what that would do to them, to Bradley -who is family-less at this point in his life and doesn't want to do anything to rock the boat for Jake, because he knows what it's like to not have anyone and he doesn't want to speak up and risk Jake losing his. Or risk Jake not believing him- and to Jake, who doesn't think his family would hurt him so badly.
It'll be painful but the boys at least will be getting their happy ending?! 💛💛
Ask Nixie about the WIP list!
#nixie answers#phisworld14#seresin family ruins sereshaw#I even have the title picked out for it#which i think is both amazing and a huge relief#because titles are the worst#the guy jake “dates” btw will end up with a dagger#and is also a friend of one of jake's sisters#i'm not sure if it will be the good sister#or one of the bad ones#but that's how they get introduced#i'm excited to explore this one#because while yeah. i WILL be hurting bradley and playing on his insecurities. I will also be hurting jake#which a lot of my ideas only tentatively do right now#because bradley is my babygirl and I just want him to hurt#and then have jake make it all better#hangster#sereshaw
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Books of 2024: STARLING HOUSE by Alix E. Harrow.
Still in my Haunted House Era™, finished this one this afternoon, had a great time!! Harrow somehow always puts Just Enough of my personal catnip in her books, and I've really enjoyed everything of hers I've read so far (WITCHES, JANUARY, and now this, which was decidedly more modern--I'm a fan!).
Like with THE ONCE AND FUTURE WITCHES, I really enjoyed the sibling dynamics in STARLING HOUSE. Opal and Jasper were delightful, and the ONLY valid Miscommunication Plot Point is one-upping each other on [SPOILER REDACTED]--wholesome, perfect, no notes. I loved how sharp and vicious Opal was, and I loved how insufferable Arthur was, and I loved Jasper (who, me? having a soft spot for clever kind teenage boys?? whaaaat), and Bev, and the hellcat, and THE HOUSE!!! The House was great, I'm making so many NaNo prep notes over here.
I also enjoyed the parallels between Eleanor and Opal and how cyclic violence was emphasized through the circular framing. AND it was fun piecing together the whole manuscript's structure--definitely a break from, say, VanderMeer, or Le Guin, but I liked the footnotes and the offset fonts and figuring out who was telling which stories and Why It Was Framed Like That. Good book! Good time!! Do recommend!
#books of 2024#book photo#book photography#starling house#alix e harrow#nano2024#in btw#(im sorry the showdown at the end was SO driscoll coded. to me.)#we are manipulating the Space we are doing it with Who We Are And What We Know And Love And Want#we are Doing Better and Making Something New#we are letting kindness WIN but we see you and we understand you and maybe one day we can make it okay#ANYWAY LOTS OF DRISCOLL FEELINGS SORRY#i did love the house though#loved how sassy the house was#ez i'm sorry i'm still lowkey flabbergasted that this struck the Hill House chord for you#i might be too deep in driscoll brainspace#also also. i know this is weird but. this only VAGUELY felt haunted house to me??#like the house itself wasn't the haunted problem. to me.#weird surreal house for sure but. hm.#really it was the Beasts#and the Beasts are Separate From The House??#i didn't think the house was NEARLY as brutal as Hill House#i'm still just. hm.#BUT I HAD A GR8 TIME i'd like to do it slower again someday. perhaps as driscoll words XD#i did read it in like. two days? three?? not much.#i'm trying to catch up#HH
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i have absolutely NO patience for anyone being shitty or judgmental or othering about addicts, not just because of my ethical principles and baseline compassion for other human beings, but because i have personal experience with how inseparable substance abuse is from mental illness and other kinds of inescapable suffering. i got high on cannabis and benzos all day long, 6 days a week for two years because i had severe treatment-resistant depression (aka i had tried EVERY legal treatment available without improvement). when i found a medication that made it go away almost entirely, i dropped down to maybe 3 times a month purely for fun and after my day's responsibilities are done, within days of starting to feel better. and now i feel like shit again and i've been getting high several times a week as literal self-medication. because, you know, i'm in horrible pain and it would be cruel and inhuman for someone to tell me i had to ignore the one tool i had access to that would reduce my suffering, just so i wouldn't be an ~addict~, which is of course the worse most disgusting worthless thing a person can be.
i know that there are many addictions that are more physically damaging and that people continue to crave physiologically even when they start recovering from the mental or physical pain that drove them to drugs in the first place. i am very, very fortunate that due to my life circumstances i have no access to meth or heroin or more dangerous stuff like that. but it is sure as hell a lot less difficult to resist even those cravings when the pain that they were used to alleviate is drastically reduced!!!
anyway this is all just me restating the rat town study that proved almost all drug addiction is caused by capitalism and/or trauma, and weakening capitalism and building rewarding caring societies eliminates substance abuse almost entirely. why the fuck would you scream at and shame people experiencing unspeakably terrible pain rather than the forces and people who caused/failed to treat that pain?
#substance abuse#drugs#btw im also saying this as someone who is having my actual medication stolen on an ongoing basis by someone employed in my house#who i have an enormous amount of power and social capital over and who lives a much harder and more stressful life than me#when it happens i call in a new rx and find a better hiding place for the stealable stuff and move on with my life#(im not saying this is the Right thing to do btw. obviously a LOT of people can't just get a replacement supply a few days later#or the financial burden or replacing them is higher#and they would be 100% justified in confronting and firing the person who is doing serious harm to them and demanding financial recompense)#im not saying this to prove im a Good Person im saying it to show that i genuinely believe the shit im saying in this post#i do not judge addicts who aren't trying to stop using#if it was someone who was seriously hurting me because of it i would definitely get angry and hurt and maybe cut them out of my life#but anyone else? including internet strangers and the hypothetical masses of Bad Junkies?#there's no ethical excuse for judging them and treating them like shit. period.#frankly if you even have deep strong negative feelings about them (besides like...sadness) i'm deeply suspicious of you
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🌊🦦 Summer Beach Time 🦦🌊
soooo i made comments in the tags of another piece i made about how i want to go to the beach (or a lake tbh, he's a lake guy) with him, and watch him get the zoomies in the water and just. walk around and make the 🥺 face at me when i'm sitting at the edge of the water and he wants to be close.
(i'm obsessed with this pair of dino pattern trunks... ren core...)
#i got too perfectionist w this one but i'm Calling it. i need to move on to another piece#and take what i learned here to make something better. yknow how it is. :/ VERY glad i'm starting to FINALLY FOR REAL#nail down his body shape now hehe. still p average build w a paunch and tatas. but also a good amt of muscle in the legs#bc he does SOOOO much walking as both a doc and in retail + in retail he has to lift and carry a lot of things so r!ren's arms#have more tone and he's hiding some muscle strength in his core. doc! and v!ren would have more core muscle strength#but he's a bit of a recluse when he isn't window shopping + finding a place to swim the way he used to when younger is. tough. ;;#(i'm not gonna totally redo the pic but i might post a version fully without the shirt for another blog :3c)#(btw would anyone be interested in timelapse vids? i've wanted to do some but i want to know if it's worth learning editing software lol)#📌 [ my posts. ]#🎨 [ 046 art. ]#046 art#✨ [ oc lore. ]#🍄 [ lying on the blade of an emotion. ]#🧃 [ who is in control. ]#🦦 [ can't escape it. ]#🐸 [ look ahead. ]#selfship#self ship#selfshipping#self shipping#bare chest -
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Hi Ross, i hope you’re having a pleasant day! You’re a delight to follow but i have a question: i barely read few pages of books in past two months meanwhile i feel like you’re reading a new book every week!!? How???
I don’t mind ít, actually I love to learn about classics through mutual osmosis but I’m fascinated and ??? seriously how you’re doing it
HI HYPO!!! UHHHH I usually get a physical copy and bring it with me to class and I read a lot during the break and free periods and I've been told that my reading speed is spectacular so!!! plus classics are my special interest that helps a lot I think
I had to speedrun the name of the rose for a history project but I would've done it anyways I think. Idk what to read next I should probably finish TBK or NLH OR read something like Pride and Prejudice for my Spanish class project. Do you have any recommendations I need to absorb every classic ever
I don't really know how I do it I just😭 eat up the whole book nommomnommmhm
#when I was 11 my attention span was better I read a 500pg novel in one afternoon woafg#You're the 3rd mutual that tells me this lmao#Both the guy who sits next to me in English and my therapist asked me how do I manage to be so passionate about books#this happened after I summarized NOTR to both of them btw I may have gotten a little excited#I'M RAMBLING A LOT FFFF#ask#I love getting asks from you hypo
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#satzuarts#dst wx78#wx-78#wx78#there's a lot of tags for wx#dst#don't starve together#i was planning on making some wxson for valentine's day#but for now I'm practicing getting better at my art#so have the little robot with ultrakill#btw valentine's day in Brazil is on June#just a fun fact#in February we have carnaval#was planning on doing something for that too
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COOKIES OF DARKNESS NATION WE ARE OFFICIALLY BACK 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
(long rambling in tags if u care)
#cookie run#licorice cookie#red velvet cookie#affogato cookie#I KNOW im late to this but i was at school ok 🙄 anyways i have a lot of thoughts#first off LICORICE UGH I MISSED HIM SO BAD IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM#his stats are so fascinating to me. i don't think anyone was expecting his strength to be that high#its pretty average but its still his best stat surprisingly#im shocked his strategy and puzzle solving are only 3. i think that's a strange decision to make them so low but I'm open to accepting it#maybe his avoidance/lack of ability to see the big picture contributes to the low scores?#his stats are so unexpected but I could get used to it. still i want an elaboration from devsis on these#i want them to show his strength in the show because i was expecting his strength to be like. 3 or 4#but anywho. i think its very funny how affo is 0 strength. i love how its canon licorice could easily kick his ass in a fist fight#i really do love affo and im SO happy to see him with the cod fucking finally all we got with him as a cod until now was ODYSSEY 😭#im so excited to see him work with the cod as an actual member. he's a very fun character for me#i cant wait for them to actually make him feel like one of the cookies of darkness its been over a year since he joined by now c'mon#im just so ecstatic that the cod are back. hopefully this is a good omen and will pave the way for more cod appearances soon#bcs u all know how i feel about the lack of cod for the better part of the past year. this better be their comeback i believe in them#😁😁😁😁😁😁 IM JUST SO HAPPY THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME IM SO HAPPY U HSVE NO IDEA I LITERALLY SCREAMED#btw ik crepe is there. but they're in a weird grey area of being a cod so i didn't post them BUT IM VERY HAPPY THEY'RE THERE TOO ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#♦️charlie's miscellaneous
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