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jamjaemin · 10 months

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Better in person — j.lee (M)

summary: the two gorgeous idols and models meet the famous photographer for a cover shoot. What happens when you catch Jeno’s eye?

pairings: idol model! Jeno lee x photographer! reader + mentioning of your friend photographer! Jaemin, idol model! Chenle (Jeno’s friend)

word count: 6.3k mdi+18

warnings: penetrative sex, rough sex, use of master, use of pet names, pussy eating, creampies, edging, spanking, different sex positions, love bites, breeding kink, dirty talk, spanking, hair pulling.

notes: this is completely inspired by the recent jeno pics of that magazine, because damn I'm feral, Also this was written after a month from my break i still have so much studies :( , anyways hope you enjoy! Taglist: @peachesmilk @kakikuro @hanaj @niinjo @tihaynes @minkyuncutie @jennieonline

The constant flash of cameras, the constant stress and rush of deadlines, and the constant presence of models and unreal people.

You were used to this constant experience of being a photographer for one of the most popular magazines in Korea. Being one of the most desirable photographers in Korea, due to your work for the magazine. With this, you were given the opportunity to work with several respected celebrities.

Along with that though, you were quite popular yourself and not for just photography. More specifically your looks. Many idols claimed they had a hard time focusing on the shoot when their photographer was so attractive. You always blushed or laughed away at their comments, trying to stay professional. But with all the glamorous people you worked with daily, sometimes that task became quite difficult. Especially the males.

Today, you sat in your photography studio all by yourself. There were no specific clients for the day, and the studio was empty. But you still decided to go to the studio today for some fun. You had a personal concept for a shoot and decided to do it today. It wasn’t your usual type of shoot but, you couldn’t help but be drawn to a different style.

Faint music played throughout the studio, setting the mood for the studio. The dim color of cool-toned lights filled the studio. Prop tables are set with several glimmering and colorful items. Along with several cameras set up at different angles. The array of makeup and hair products spread across the table.

You had everything set up, but for the specific plan you had this wouldn’t work out. You needed several angles for the shoot, but some of them couldn’t be done by a simple tripod or stand. You had to call up one of your photographer friends to assist you in this shoot. After much begging and pleading you finally got him to agree with you.

In the meantime, you had started getting ready for the shoot. Preparing with slicked hair, the swish of stray hairs, and accents of pearls and jewels. Lightly dewy makeup with several highlights and sparkles. All the details were perfect, making you look almost like a siren.

Perfectly on time, your friend arrived at your studio. Na Jaemin is also a very famous photographer that worked with you almost everyday, he was a bit surprised at your appearance but was enticed by the concept you proposed. Even mentioning some effects you could use. Such as water, the effect of a fan blowing...

The shoot continued perfectly, with many great photos coming out. Even if the floor was soaking wet with water. The studio was practically flooded, but it was worth it. Not to mention your friend, hyping you up behind the camera.

“ Yes, seduce me with your looks girl! “

“just like that, that's it!" jaemin said with his lazy deep tone taking so many photos.

All of his comments make you laugh or crack a smile. The shoot was full of playfulness and fantasy. You missed having fun shoots like these, and not just serious modeling shoots. Although through the fun, one of your managers stepped in.

“ Hey, whenever you can, wrap this up. Y/N is needed for a shoot in studio 3 “

Just as quickly as your manager left, you stared at jaemin in confusion. You didn’t have any planned shoots this morning. You paused the shoot momentarily, to go check out the studio.

You were still in your outfit from the shoot, clearly not your usual photographer look. When walking through the lobby of the studio, the pearls and jewels on your outfits sparkled and shined throughout the room. Workers coming in would glance at you, entranced by your look.

You knocked on the studio 3 door, and it opened slowly. A fellow staff member helping you inside the studio and handing you the information for the shoot. Everyone in the studio was caught off guard by your model-like appearance at the moment.

It especially caught one of the model’s eyes.

Reading the information of the shoot caught you off guard, very quickly. It was a shoot with chenle and jeno from one of the most popular boy bands in Korea called nct dream. You’ve seen clips of them somewhere you thought. You glanced at both of their profile shots, both absolutely stunning. One specifically caught your eye.

Jeno Lee

He had a stunning visual and even had the ability to pull off several different styles. You could easily tell by the photos. Which was ideal for any photographer, If he made any comments to you today, you didn’t know if you could quite resist him.

Jeno stood there with his friend as the staff sorted out the shoot. When you walked in, your appearance caught his eye quickly. And it wasn’t only because of the shimmery and bright jewels that decorated your body. He heard of the famous photographer but still not knowing much about you, he could confirm after seeing you in real life you were quite stunning. Maybe it was an alluring and complex outfit you were wearing or maybe the fact you looked like a goddess right now. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. This shoot would be hard to focus on.

Once everything was sorted, you stepped forward and bowed to the two idols that stood in front of you.

“ I apologize for the delay, I’m your photographer. Also, I apologize for my appearance I was busy with another shoot. “ you said politely.

Jeno and chenle bowed and assured you it was alright. Chenle even complimented your outfit, saying he wanted to know more about the shoot. You blushed at his comment and told him you’d spare them the details later. You explained how the shoot would go. It was an advertisement for Ferragamo × Harper's Bazaar Korea. They were excited and hyped for the shoot. You smiled at their action and sent them off to the makeup and hair team.

You set up everything for the shoot and quickly exited to talk to jaemin about your other shoot.

When they were sent to the makeup and hair room chenle couldn’t help but start talking and whispering.

“ Did you see her, the rumors really are true “ chenle spoke up.

“ Oh my god. She looked so good in that outfit. “ he commented again.

“ What do you think jeno?. “

Jeno was so focused on what was going on earlier, that he didn’t realize someone was talking to him.

“ Jeno? “ chenle asked.

“ Oh, she was really pretty. I really want to know what she was doing for that other shoot. “ jeno started rambling on about you.

Chenle laughed at how he started practically rambling about you, even if he had just met you. He could tell jeno may have a big admiration for you, and maybe even a slight crush. His laugh caught the attention of everyone in the room and he didn’t stop until jeno gave him the stare.

Jeno was the first to finish, and the makeup team let him go. Yet he didn’t know where to go. He looked like a lost puppy in the lobby waiting around. A few minutes passed and still chenle hadn’t left the makeup room. He was left bored all alone in the lobby, he asked other staff members if there was anything he could do. And the only thing they suggested was visiting your other studio where your other shoot was. That would be entertaining at least.

He knocked on the door politely, awaiting a response. When the door opened, he was met with you looking up to him.

“ Oh hey, jeno. Has the shoot started? Do they need me? “ you asked.

“ Oh no, not yet. I just got done early with the makeup team and they said I could come in here. Only if you don’t mind. “ jeno said.

“ Oh no, of course you can come in. “ you said a little embarrassed, it was the first time working with him and chenle, you didn’t know what to do. You pulled jeno inside your studio.

While the whole thing happened, chenle watched from the sidelines giggling. Seeing his friend getting pulled into the studio with you. He’d have to ask jeno for the details later.

When you pulled him into the studio, he was met with colorful lights and the flooded studio floors.

“ I apologize for the mess in the studio, we had to get the perfect look for the shoot. Even if we ended up flooding the studio. “ you laughed.

“ I don’t mind. “Jeno smiled.

You showed him around the room, showing the several props and effects. The concept was out of this world in Jeno’s eye. It was something you wouldn’t see every day. Yet it piqued his interest nevertheless. You guided him to a seat near the corner of the room, but it still gave him a good view of the shoot. You caught up with jaemin and explained everything he missed. And you began the shoot again.

Jeno couldn’t help but watch in amazement as the camera clicked away. Your face was so serious, yet had a siren-like look. He started questioning why you were a photographer and not a face model. That slight crush from earlier was definitely growing as the shoot continued. The way you posed and moved was so alluring and addicting to watch. Halfway through the shoot, someone came in to remind the two that the other shoot would begin soon. You smiled and thanked the staff member before going with jeno to studio 3.

When everyone was gathered together, you immediately went into photographer mode. You gave them lots of freedom giving them the chance to express themselves in the photos. And they did not disappoint with their expressions. Their facial expressions were so fierce and on point, it surprised you. Each shows off their own unique flair.

its time for individual photos.

Starting with chenle and ofc it went so smooth but when it came time for you to take individuals of Jeno you had to excuse yourself for a second. You frantically rushed towards the bathroom. Many people watching you confused, some concerned especially Jeno. It wasn’t like this earlier...

When you finally made it to the bathroom, you sat on the cold floors, against the door and sighed. There was no way in hell you were going to survive individual shots with him. It wasn’t even because of comments he’s made or anything, his appearance just had this effect that was very hard to resist. You’ve done these kinds of shots with many other idols why was this on so much harder?

Many of the staff members waited anxiously for their lead photographer to leave the bathroom, but it was starting to take a while. Many of them grew concerned in that moment. Some suggested going over there to check if you were okay. But Jeno spoke up before anyone else could do anything.

“ I’ll go check on her, give me a second. “

And just like that he headed straight to the bathroom where you ran off too. Before barging in, he knocked on the door softly before whispering.

“ Hey you okay in there, We need you for the shoot, No rush. “

The knock on the door caught you off guard, almost making you gasp. But you covered your mouth. Out of all the people that had to come to get you, it had to be Jeno huh? Just your luck. You sat up and tried to fix your appearance, your face still flushed bright red. You sighed and opened the door.

And when you opened the door you were met with Jeno leaning against a nearby wall. He was so hot with that long black coat, you felt like summer even its freezing cold outside. If you thought he looked like a model earlier, he looked more like one now. But as you were staring Jeno realized your presence and walked up to you.

“ Are you alright? need help? “ he asked frantically.

You smiled at him and put your arms on his shoulder to reassure him, “ no I’m fine let’s go to the shoot now “. The moment you touched him he knows it's over, there's no way he didn’t fall for you not a single way.

Jeno followed you like a puppy back over to the studio. You apologized to everyone for holding up the shoot and prepared for his individuals. Checking all the cameras and the lighting.

The camera clicked away, and the flash filled the room. Jeno effortlessly posed and modeled for his individuals. He used everything he could from his look to his hands, and even his clothes. Trying to get the best photos possible. You were practically dying behind the camera, even a slight blush forming across your face. And chenle from the sideline suggested jeno get closer up photos and get close to the camera. Guess what, jeno loved the idea and moved closer to the camera, aka closer to you and that was for two reasons, first is for the magazine the second is to make sure you have a crush on him just like the way he does about you. He showed many facial expressions, giving you a variety of points of view.

When you finished Jeno’s individuals, you had to sit down for a second. During the last moments of that, your faces were mere inches apart almost only the camera between the two of you. Your face was flushed red and you were completely flustered. But you had to finish the shoot.

The shoot ended with a couple more photos of both of them against one another.

After the shoot, you left studio 3 and headed back to your original studio. Hoping to finish up your original photo shoot.

Jaemin left for a short coffee break like usual, leaving you alone in the studio. You started doing some quick touch-ups to your appearance. Due to the earlier events, some parts of your look were messy. But as you were working on your appearance you heard a knock on the studio door.

You were confused, jaemin was on a coffee break and wouldn’t be there for a while. And not to mention the other shoot had ended, so it couldn’t be a manager or anything. You stood up from your original seating and headed towards the studio door. You peaked your eyes through the creak of the door, to see Jeno standing there. You opened the door completely and looked at him confused.

“ Do you need me in something Jeno? You know the shoot is over right? “ you said as calmly as you could.

Not to mention the nervous pounding in your chest, he seemed quite nervous too.

“ Oh yeah, I know. I was just wondering… you know what actually never mind. “ Jeno started, before stopping himself.

“ no no, tell me what it is “You grabbed his hand.

“ Well I liked the concept of the shoot you were doing right now, and I kinda wanted to join it. “ he practically whispered.

“Oh, you want to be a part of my shoot. I mean you wouldn’t get paid, and this is far from like high professional its for practice. “ you warned him and your heart skipped a beat hearing his next words.

“ yes I know “ he replied, his eyes never left yours a single second.

“ Sure, you can join. “ You said, your heartbeats getting louder so your breaths.

Earlier after the shoot, chenle realized how much his friend didn’t want to leave the studio. It wasn’t because of the glamorous outfits or bags, but rather the photographer behind the camera. He knows what's up between the two of you so he encouraged him to visit you before he left and here he was.

The original inspo for your shoot was with only one person, but with Jeno here it gave you a similar inspiration.

You slowly go to work on his appearance, You sat across from him but you’d move closer to get certain details. The two of you are extremely close in those moments. Sometimes you’d even tilt his chin to get the right design and make sure he looked perfect, before picking out his outfit.

"Done!" You said softly.

You then directed him towards the set of the studio. Warning him about the water and helped position him for the shots. You lowered the lighting and the camera began clicking away, you zoned into your element. Capturing the pure essence of jeno’s natural beauty. Several pics later, jaemin comes in. He was a bit caught off guard seeing Jeno but didn't question it.

He grabbed his own camera and offered to take photos of the both of you. You were hesitant at first but with how Jeno looked at you, you couldn’t resist. The two of you were an unstoppable duo in the photos. The dynamic of both of you was crazy. As time went on, the two of you grew comfortable with one another and posed closer together he even holds your chin for you to look at him in some of the photos. You’d do the same. Jeno tried to be professional but he couldn’t help but feel his heart pound at your actions.

The shoot quickly came to an end, jaemin left right away because he was so tired and have to work full day tomorrow. The studio is being packed up and cleaned. Leaving you and Jeno by

yourselves.

As you finish cleaning up, you feel arms wrap around your waist. You turn around to see the most expected person with a playful grin on his face. Jeno leaned close to your ear and whispered.

“What was that about, earlier? grabbing my hand, touching my shoulder and the way you're looking at me like this, hmm?..”

“ Take it however you want it—Jeno. “ you replied.

“I need to hear it, right here,right now “ he teased.

“you think i did it on purpose. “

Jeno smiled at your statement and leaned closer to your neck.

“pretty sure—I'll never leave until you say it, love “ he whispered against your neck in a teasing manner.

You closed your eyes at the sensation of his breath against your neck. His voice is very tempting, and I mean you couldn’t reject such a polite gentleman, now could you?

"I don’t want you to leave."

You place a soft kiss on his neck, the immediate action catching him off guard. Jeno’s hand tangled in your hair, and his other hand held your waist securely. Lips traveled from his neck slowly up to his jaw. Jeno’s breath quickened and all he's thinking about is how to love you right.

Abruptly he pulled you into a passionate kiss before you could debate further. His hands wrapped around your waist and yours draped around his neck. He pushed you against the nearby wall with his lips still tangled with yours. The movement was quick but you were quick to adjust. Letting Jeno take full control.

As the two of you continued, you began moving around the studio. Stumbling kisses, roaming hands, and laughter.

“Tell me that you want me as much as I do. That I can fuck you however i like.” The vulgar words that came from his mouth sent a violent shudder down your spine. You were not used to dirty talk, but it was something you would gladly get used to if it meant Jeno was the one.

“I-I....” You found yourself struggling to follow his commands despite the fact that you want this more than anything else.

You let out a sharp gasp when Jeno grabbed both your wrist by his single hand and pinned it above your head. The forceful slam on the wall rang in your ears as you found yourself staring at the man with wide eyes. His beautiful eyes looked dangerous. Like a wolf staring at his prey.

“You have nowhere to run now, baby. Follow my orders, and I might just reward you.” Struggling to hold his heavy gaze, you closed your eyes.

“I want you so much, Jeno— you can do anything you want with me” He lets out a low groan at your sweet words, the grip on your wrists tightening. He take the opportunity to spread your legs and position himself in between. Immediately, you whimpered when his clothed length rubbed against you.

“Good girl.” Jeno whispers into your ear. He moves more, slowly grinding his hips against your throbbing core. The action had you choking back a needy moan. Even from that, you could tell how good his cock would be when you finally had it for yourself. Arousal flaring through your entire body, you struggled to stay still.

“Look at me.” Even if you heard his command, you couldn’t do so immediately. Not when you felt your entire body crumble with the slightest of movements. Not when you knew you were soaking through your panties by now. You felt so overwhelmed with desire for him.

"Fucking look at me when I tell you to, princess.” He spat the venomous words, landing a slap on your inner thigh. You flinched at the unexpected contact, and let out a broken moan. You couldn’t help but meet his dangerous gaze.

“That’s right, keep your eyes on me. I want those pretty eyes on me only.” He said whilst grinding even harder against your clothed heat. His cock was so hard, you could practically feel him pulsating. He was rock hard- for you.

You bit your lip to maintain your voice while still holding the eye contact.

Once again, he leaned into your neck. When he placed a gentle kiss, you let out a small whimper. You couldn’t help but find your fingers tangled in his messy black hair all over again. When his hot tongue started traveling over your sensitive neck, you bit your lip even harder. You made a futile attempt to move your arms. Jeno was having none of it- the iron grip he held was too strong.

“Stay still.” bitting on your neck harder to warn you. You couldn’t help but let out breathy moans here and there when he ravaged your neck as much as he could. He didn’t leave a spot open, not an inch where he didn’t kiss, bite or lick. You were sure to have quite a few love bites tomorrow.

He let your wrists go to take off your top and skirt. You faintly remembered wearing tights. When he noticed the thin material, he didn’t give you a chance to answer before instantly ripping it to shreds. Roughly stripping you out of the clothing, he hungrily took in the sight of you in your underwear.

God damn, you were stunning and all his.

“you will be mine.” He growled when placed a kiss on your collarbone. He unhooked your bra and threw them across the room. Large rough hands fondling your tits, he continued the trace of love bites downwards. He wanted to mark every inch your body if he could’ve.

As much as he wanted to just destroy you immediately, your pleasure was the priority to him. He had no intentions of rushing anything today. But even so, some things had his patience running out.

You let out a loud gasp when he ripped your panties as well. The unexpected gesture sent a burning arousal straight to your core. You were sure to be soaking wet by now, you could even feel it yourself. The sudden exposure to the cold air had you shivering.

You made a futile attempt to close your legs in embarrassment. Contrary to your wishes, Jeno’s hands held a firm grip on your thighs to prevent that.

“Don’t you dare hide this pretty pussy from me, baby.” The absolute filth coming from him had you clenching around nothing down there. The need of having him inside you was growing rapidly each second. You wanted to touch, kiss, and feel him in every way you could.

You badly wanted him, in every way possible.

Your hips moved automatically, grinding against him sensually. Growling, Jeno’s tongue swirled around yours. The hot open-mouthed kiss took your breath away, he stopped wasting time and took his shirt off before kissing you again, but this time was rougher, your nails sinking into his wide back until you finally broke away.

“When did I give permission to move your hips sweet girl?” he sounded dangerous when he growled it like that. Once again, you felt your hot core pulsing and dripping.

“Keep your eyes on me while I eat this pussy out.” His narrow eyes looked even sharper than before when he finally had a proper look at you. The sight of you naked, whimpering his name was something he would never forget.

He secured his grip on your thighs before getting on his knees and diving in.

Jeno’s hot breath over your soaking cunt, he took a second to spread the lips apart. Almost immediately locating your clit, he lightly teased it with his thumb. Satisfied with how your body shook violently, he felt himself get rock hard.

When his hot tongue brushed over your sensitive clit, you could’ve sworn you saw stars. Dark brown eyes never once leaving yours, he carefully observed your reaction to each of his motions. You let out a sharp yelp.

Jeno experimentally flicked your bud. Wet tongue attached to your swollen clit, his eyes never left your face. Lewd sounds of your juice filling the room- your cheeks burned in embarrassment.

Wasting no time in finding your sweet spots, he left you grabbing on his hair in no time. He circled his tongue teasingly on your clit, he lightly flicked it directly. The sensation too mind-blowing, you cried out his name. Jeno was relentless in his actions, fingers sinking into your soft thighs as he ate you out like a starved man. He wasn’t afraid to get messy, all he cared about was how your body trembled every time he sucked gently on the sensitive bud. Brutally ravaging your cunt, he sensed that you were nearing your orgasm.

“Jeno, I-I’m close!” You cried out, gripping his hair like your life depended on it. Nothing could prepare you for the powerful orgasm that was coming, you could just hope you wouldn’t go mad. It was so close, you were so close-

Until he pulled away.

Before you knew it, he had started again.

Jeno had made it his goal to edge you until you lost your mind completely. The sight of you so fucked out drive him crazy, he groaned into your cunt at the thought.

He would do it until you felt the knot in your lower stomach, threatening to break any second- And then stop. You would chase your high, pressure in your lower stomach building up more and more- until he ripped it away from you. After waiting a few seconds for you to cool down, he continued his assault again. It felt like he’s been going at it for hours.

“J-Jeno—Please, please let me cum..!” You cried weakly, hands finding its way to his messy locks again. Lightly pushing his head further, you wanted him to make you cum over and over again.

“mmh i don't think so sweetheart.” You shook your head violently at his words, eyes getting teary again from the brutal orgasm denial. All you wanted was your orgasm that had been ripped away from you too many times.

He went back to eating you out.

“Please let me cum... master!” As soon as you choked out the name, Jeno’s eyes snapped in your direction.

The endearment brought out his animalistic instincts further. Loud slurping noises fill the room once again, just this time even more furiously. His tongue brushed over your clit over and over again, until you finally felt the knot come undone. You weren’t prepared for it to come so fast, a loud moan being ripped from you. Long awaited orgasm washed over your entire body.

Jeno licked your pussy, having a taste of you once more. He was addicted to you.

The sinful sight of him made your cheeks flare, and core clench against nothing. Even if it was immediately after cumming, you felt the growing need to have him inside of you.

“it's too much, jeno stop please.” You spat out feeling sensitive, your eyes went wide when he slammed his hand on your thighs and glared up at you with furious glint in his eyes.

“Don’t order me around, princess. You better use the right word to address me from now on.” You felt your entire body shudder at his words. He was so naturally dominant, the need to submit completely to him growing.

Yet, you couldn’t help but want to provoke him further.

“But it hur-Ah!” Jeno pulled you closer to him by roughly pulling you on your thighs but then clicked his tongue and stand up again...seconds and he's carrying you with ease to a near table placing you on the cold surface before spreading your legs.

“You better be ready for the big words you uttered just now.” When you saw him finally taking off his belt and unzipping his pants position himself at your glistening wet folds, you felt your body catch fire. You wanted him so bad it was driving you insane.

“please be gentle, master” You knew you could take whatever he could give you. As you directly met his burning gaze, he can't help himself especially when he look at your innocent eyes, you took in the sight of him smirking darkly at your request.

His length was impressive, to say the least. Both length and width exceeded the standards of average, it will hurt so good, no doubt.

Even so, it was Jeno. It was with him, so you could take anything. You wanted everything he could give you.

“Hang on tight, sweetheart.” Your delicate hands were placed on his wide shoulders as you anxiously waited him to finally slip it inside you. He placed a soft kiss on your forehead before he rubs his thick tip on your entrance, you both sharply inhaled with a breathy moan following afterwards. Jeno staring at you with such eyes, it felt amazing to be claimed in such intimacy.

He slowly pushed his length inside while hearing your beautiful voice, mesmerized. The thickness caused a sweet burn inside, making you arch your back. Even if it hurt, you didn’t want him to stop.

“Does it hurt?” he was undeniably worried at your slightly grimacing expression.

“a little” adding “I want it all inside me baby.” you couldn’t help it. The desire to be ruined by him was too overwhelming.

He grunted before pushing in all the way without any warning. You yelped, nails digging into his shoulder. The sweet pain of being stretched out by the man you’re having a crush on was indescribable. When your tight cunt clenched around him, Jeno shuddered.

He didn’t wait a single second to go absolutely wild with you. As if unleashing a beast in slumber, his eyes shone in a new light you had never seen before.

“You’re so fucking tight, this pretty cunt is all for me— fuck” He sounded like he was talking to himself more as he dragged himself out to the very tip, then slamming it back in. The sound of skin slapping against each other mixed with the air smelling like sex itself, you lost yourself in the moment. Entire body burning with desire, your mouth hung open. You had absolutely zero control over your voice as you freely let out the embarrassingly loud moans spill. Jeno’s eyes darkened at the sweet sound, wrapping one hand on your neck choking you softly. And tightening his grip the more you moan.

He kept up a rather fast and rough pace, contrary to what you initially imagined it would be. Your nails sinking into his back, you cried out louder. The only thing keeping you sane in this moment was the feeling of his thick cock slipping in and out of you. He was addicting, and he knew it. The higher he took you, the greedier you became.

“Harder, faster, master!” You had the nerve to talk even when you could barely take the current pace. Jeno’s thrusts became faster and rougher, the iron grip on your hips holding you still while you were practically sobbing when he started rubbing circles on your clit alongside. Entire body shaking with each thrust, his eyes were still observing you.

In under a minute, he found your sweet spot inside as well. When he noticed your breath hitching louder and body shudder more violently, he knew he hit the jackpot. As he targeted that specific spot, you felt tears rimming your eyes. The high-pitched moans coming uncontrollably out of your open lips were doing a lot of things to him. He fucked you exactly the way you wanted.

He let go of your neck landing a loud slap on your inner thigh again, he slipped out.

You almost cried and was prepared to beg for it again. Contrary to your initial thought, you found yourself being forcefully flipped over to a new position.

“Head down ass up, sweetheart. Hurry up.” You immediately followed his words and sticked your ass against his length again, chest pressed on the table.

"That's my good girl" Your mind went blank when he slipped his thick cock again into your tight walls. The new position bringing out newer, vivid sensations, you moaned needily. Jeno’s low voice with his breathy moan was sinful- music to your ears.

“Ngh, master- feels so good-!” Your mind couldn’t focus on anything else other than the sweet sensation of his thick cock filling you to the brim and bringing out moans you didn’t know you could produce. Jeno’s mind was also foggy, the feeling of your tight pussy and beautiful voice feeling like a dream.

When he dragged his veiny cock over your sweet spot from behind, you screamed at the feeling. Too embarrassed to hear yourself in such manner, you sunk your teeth to your lower lip. Jeno immediately noticed you trying to lower your moans.

He landed a sharp spank on your ass this time, leaving a pretty red print behind. You couldn’t help but let your voice out and looked back at him. When he glared at you with those eyes, you knew what he was thinking even without him voicing it out.

“Don’t fucking make me repeat myself, baby. You are mine, let me hear those pretty little moans.” You weakly nodded, struggling to stay in position. Every time he slammed into you, you saw red. You had never felt anything like this before.

“I’m going to own this pretty pussy, and fill it with my cum until you can’t take it anymore yeah.” His dirty talking had you clenching around him immediately. Jeno inhaled sharply at the tightening, landing soft spanks here and there. The sweet feeling of being pounded raw filled you with desire, nothing else mattered beside you and him.

“Who is making you moan so loud? Tell me, sweetheart. Who owns this pussy? Who do you belong to? Fuck, such a good girl.” You let out needy moan after moan, the sharp sounds of his hip snapping against yours filled your ears. He groaned and gripped your hip even tighter with one hand and gripping on your hair with the other one

“I am master’s good girl, you own me-” You were surprised you managed to form a sentence with your mind in such state. The man you’ve had a crush on few hours ago, pounding you rough and raw from behind. It was still unbelievable. Yet, sparks flying and the addicting feeling of his cock slipping in and out of you had your eyes rolling to the back of your head. You could focus on absolutely nothing than his cock filling you up.

Your orgasm was quickly approaching, sensitivity heightened when Jeno pulled you harder by your hair. Yelping in pain, you felt yourself drool. The fast and rough pace he had never slowed down, not even a second. Every time he slipped out, he explored you inside out and hit you in the spots you never even knew you had. When his large hands wrapped your neck again, your orgasm heightened even more. It was so close-

“J-jeno, I’m-!”

“Let go baby, you’re doing so well. Cum on master’s cock, come on.” Almost immediately, you cried out and let go. The feeling of your crashing orgasm driving you crazy, your entire body trembled with oversensitivity. He let out a low grunt next to your ear, finally letting go of your neck. You didn’t even have the chance to breathe properly again before he started the cruel pace again immediately after your second orgasm of the night.

“W-Wait baby!-ah!” You couldn’t form any word with the current state of mind, not when he was drilling into you like there was no tomorrow. You finally remembered he still hadn’t came yet. Gulping, you tried your best to hold on until he came undone. you were too busy trying to push your ass more towards him. Jeno bit down on your shoulder as he desperately tried to hold in the moans as he himself approached his high.

"That's it, fuck" he growled and you finally felt him release inside you with a single deep moan. When he shoot his hot cum inside you, you greedily tightened around him. The feeling of being filled to the brim with his seed set your cheeks on fire.

You whimpered when he pulled out turning you to face him, Jeno looked at you in such loving gaze breathing heavily, you felt your heart hammer against your chest. He was wonderful, you felt yourself falling deeper in love if that was even possible. When you both calmed down you start kissing slowly feeling every kiss.

“you have another shoot tomorrow you know?.” You said between kisses teasing him.

“I know, I can't wait to see you and fuck you again.“ Jeno whispers while smiling, after cleaning all the mess you made he drives you back to your home, both can't stop thinking about what happened today and what's gonna happen tomorrow.

#nct smut #nct dream smut #nct dream x reader #nct x reader #jeno smut #jeno x reader #nct fic #nct scenarios #lee jeno smut

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malk1ns · 4 months

Note

Most definitely talking about Sid's upcoming heat and Sid's yapping that he doesn't need any help but Geno knows he will get a call the first night of a whimpering and desperate Sid

👀

"Stop scenting me," Sid snaps the second Zhenya sits down.

Zhenya rolls his eyes. He hasn't even caught his breath from his last shift. Fuck this altitude, and honestly, fuck the Avs too, Sid's cozy little friendship with MacKinnon be damned.

"I'm serious," Sid continues, scooting down the bench to make room for Rusty, who practically dives over the boards to avoid a too many men. Zhenya obediently scoots along with him, grabbing Rusty around the waist to keep him steady.

"Thanks," Rusty wheezes, and Zhenya pats his shoulder before turning back to Sid.

Sid's glaring at him. He hates being ignored under normal circumstances, and it only gets worse when he's careening towards heat—a fact that Sid is strenuously denying.

"Sorry," Zhenya says, making his eyes big and ducking his head. "Smell good, Sid, can't help it."

Sid's eyes narrow. After so many years, he's wise to Zhenya's tricks, and he's apparently not far enough into pre-heat to fall for them anyway. Zhenya adjusts his mental calculations forward a day. "I don't know what you think you're smelling, but it's not me. I'm not due for another two weeks, and we talked about this. I don't need you this time."

"Okay," Zhenya says placidly, tapping Sid's knee. Sid's cute when he gets all worked up and indignant like this.

"Hey—" Sid sputters, probably picking up Zhenya's amusement, but then coach is tapping his line in, so Sid can't do anything but glare as he swings over the boards.

Zhenya watches as he swings a big arc towards the goal, changing direction so abruptly that the d-man shadowing him loses an edge and hits the ice. Sid turns to snap at the guy, and Zhenya readjusts his math again, this time back a few hours.

Pissing Sid off always makes things move faster.

They drop the game in OT, but that's okay. They played well, better than they have since the trade deadline, and the shock of losing Jake is finally starting to wear off. Sid doesn't look hollowed-out whenever he looks to his left any more, and Bunting is the exact type of yappy, determined presence on Zhenya's wing that he's always played best with. The postseason is still a reach, but suddenly the games they're playing seem like they mean something again, and that's all Zhenya wants, really.

Playoffs are nice, but Zhenya's old enough now that he doesn't live and die by each individual season anymore. If he can keep his production up for a few more years, avoid major injury and quiet the people who constantly call for him to be traded, he'll be happy.

Well. That, and getting Sid to finally admit that what they've been doing for nearly two decades now isn't just friends helping each other out. But Zhenya can be patient on that front.

Seeing Jake in Carolina colors is hard, and Zhenya discreetly wipes his eyes during the tribute video. Sid doesn't bother, staring up at the enormous new jumbotron with shiny eyes. The win makes it easier to stomach, though, and Jake stops by the locker room after the game, lingering well past when the Hurricanes' bus must have left for the hotel.

He and Sid talk for a long, long time, tucked away in a hallway while Rusty and Zhenya linger, ready to head off any media that comes this direction. They're left alone, though, and when Jake finally slips past them, he's knuckling at his eyes. Zhenya politely doesn't mention it when he pulls Jake into one last hug.

Sid's marching for the parking lot, and Zhenya has to hustle to catch up with him. When he draws even, he practically trips over his feet—Sid smells ripe, fertile and alluring, like he's minutes from dropping into heat. Surely he feels it by now.

Sid slides him a sharp glare. "Don't fucking start," he mutters, angling away when Zhenya leans towards him. "You were right, okay? But it doesn't mean anything."

Zhenya takes a deep inhale and consciously steps to the side, giving Sid his space. "Call if you need," is all he says, cutting towards his car and speeding up before he can give into the impulse to manhandle Sid back to his house and his bed and keep him there.

"I won't!" Sid calls across the garage. Zhenya shakes his head.

It doesn't always go this way. Sometimes Sid invites him back, sends him texts like i think it's starting soon and would you mind...? as if any alpha in their right mind would turn Sidney Crosby in heat down. He gets squirrelly when it happens too many times in a row, though, acts like Zhenya's going to hold him down and bite his claim into Sid's neck without permission, and tries to put distance between them.

It never lasts, though.

Zhenya's in his pajamas and glasses, settling in with his Kindle, when his phone rings.

"G," Sid whimpers over the line, and Zhenya sits upright, the sound of a distressed omega plucking at his instincts even at a distance. "G, where are you?"

Zhenya fists his hand in his duvet. "You say you don't want," he says carefully, listening to Sid's gasps, wondering if he'd managed to get something from his toybox or if he fell into it so fast that he's using his hand. Sid doesn't take care of himself like Zhenya would if they were mated, and he's come over more than once to Sid on his belly and whimpering because his own fingers don't get him right.

That's what Zhenya's always been for.

"I didn't mean it," Sid whines, voice muffled. "G, I need you."

Zhenya pulls the phone away from his ear and looks at the screen. Not even ten, and they have an off-day tomorrow. "Sid, you say I stay home this time," he says, but he's throwing his blanket back and getting up. "You change mind?"

"I was lying," Sid moans, frustration edging into his voice. "I was...G, please, you..."

He's falling deeper into it now. Zhenya hesitates; Sid had sounded so sure, more than usual, but...

"Geno," Sid says, practically a sob, and the decision is made. There's only so much his own instincts will allow him to ignore, and Sid calls him every time—if he didn't want Zhenya coming over, he shouldn't be calling.

It takes Zhenya a few tries to remember Sid's new door code, but when he steps inside, the smell of Sid's heat practically bowls him over. Zhenya has to stop and breathe, adjust to the overpowering sugar-and-marine salt permeating the air, before he can walk without stumbling to Sid's bedroom.

"Oh, Sid," he says, pausing at the doorway.

"Please," Sid begs. He hadn't gotten to his toys after all, and he's practically twisted in a pretzel, two fingers stuffed inside himself while his other hand strips his dick. He's come once already by the mess on his stomach, but his dick is so hard it's purple, and his face is twisted in agony, not pleasure.

"Shh," Zhenya croons, voice dropping to alpha-register all on its own. He's across the room and stripping his clothes off before he's even registered it, but when he gets hands on Sid's torso Sid takes in a deep, shuddering breath and relaxes.

"G," he mumbles, looking up at Zhenya through tear-damp eyelashes. "You left me."

"I'm sorry," Zhenya murmurs, gentling Sid onto his back, pushing at his shoulder until his hand slides free. His fingers are shiny with his own slick, and Zhenya pauses to suck them clean, eyelids fluttering at the taste. Sid watches him, chest heaving, and when Zhenya lets Sid's fingers drop from his mouth, Sid trails them down Zhenya's face and chest, resting his hand over Zhenya's heart. "I'm here now," Zhenya says, leaning down to kiss Sid. "I'll take care of you."

"Yes," Sid sighs as Zhenya slides into him, letting his legs butterfly out and his head loll to one side.

Zhenya stares at Sid's neck, exposed and there, and practically bites through his lip, fucking Sid harder. He wants to bite Sid so, so badly, has for years, but Sid always pulls back just when they're on the precipice of turning this into something more, always ices Zhenya out when it starts to feel too serious, and Zhenya's not going to push—it has to be Sid's decision.

Something of what he's feeling must be leaking through, because Sid opens his eyes and looks at him. His eyes are blurry; he's deep in it now, and every exhale is a half-purr as Zhenya's knot starts to grow and catch at him with every thrust. "Mmmm," he moans, the perfect picture of an omega submitting to his alpha, but the way he tilts his head to expose his neck is all purposeful, as is the way he coyly looks at Zhenya.

"Sid," Zhenya groans, grinding his teeth. He can't stop himself from dropping to his forearms and getting his nose into the crook of Sid's neck, licking frantically over Sid's scent glands. The smell of them blooms in the room, heady and intoxicating, and Zhenya's thrusts go ragged and desperate as his knot swells. "Sid, please." He feels drunk, he doesn't even know what he's asking for, opening his mouth around the meaty muscle where Sid's neck meets his shoulder.

Sid's hand is at the back of his head, but he's pushing, not pulling Zhenya back, and Zhenya's teeth dig into Sid's skin. His "bite me" is barely audible, but it's the loudest thing Zhenya's ever heard, echoing over the roaring of blood in his ears and their breath.

He bites. The world falls away.

When Zhenya swims back to consciousness, his knot still hasn't gone down. Somehow, Sid had managed to get them on their sides, and he's petting over Zhenya's sweaty back, nuzzled up against Zhenya's chest and humming.

"Sid?" Zhenya croaks, eyes flying open when he remembers. "Oh, fuck, Sid, I—"

"Shh, it's okay." It's Sid's turn to soothe Zhenya, purring until Zhenya's heart slows down. Zhenya's nostrils flare as he inhales, and all he can smell is happy, contented omega.

"We..." Zhenya's floundering, head spinning as he tries to put the pieces together.

"I asked you to do it, bud," Sid says. He sounds quiet, but sure. "I wanted it. I was..." He sighs, and Zhenya can feel him shrug. "We can talk about it later, but...I was talking to Jake, and he said, you know, we're lucky—it doesn't matter what happens, because in the end we always have each other. And then I got home, and I was thinking about how he's right. You've had plenty of chances to leave, and you never did. And you always come when I need you. So...it felt stupid, to be pushing you away still."

"Sid," Zhenya groans, half infuriated and half overcome with fondness. If they weren't still knotted together he'd pin Sid down and bite at his sensitive, ticklish stomach as punishment until Sid was laughing and kicking him away. "You say to me when you think these things, like, don't make me come run over so late, scare me like I do what you don't want."

Sid shrugs again, and now he smells smug. "You always come when I call," he says, and Zhenya can't even argue that point.

He wouldn't want to, anyway.

#sidgeno #my writing #a/b/o

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kristinagehrmann · 3 months

Text

Freelance strategies that have saved my butt!

Some of them I wish someone had told me when I was a newbie illustrator, some I have used from the start and they're still proving effective. Hope they're helpful <3

1. Decide on a clockout time at the workday's end. Whether 5pm or any other, relax & do nothing more work-related til next day. It sounds counterintuitive, but if your times are random/too long, this will boost productivity & decrease stress! In German it's called Feierabend.

2. Overestimate your deadlines. Especially as a new illustrator it can be hard to accurately tell a client how long a project will take, so make a habit of estimating generously. Don't take on more than one "rush gig" at a time.

3. Don't apologise if you did nothing wrong. Instead, "Thank you for your understanding." (e.g. if you have to reject an unattractive project) is both effective and polite.

4. Have a professional website with an easily accessible email address. It helped me get work long before anyone knew me on social media, even when my skill level was lower than now. From an art director's perspective: www.muddycolors.com/2021/09/why-y...

5. communication is key! Whenever anything is unclear in a client's brief, ASK. When you won't be able to meet a deadline, TELL them. Have clear quote & contract templates ready. Don't have any? Ask a fellow freelancer (like me!) Example for a quote: x.com/KristinaDraws... (99% of project conflicts are due to insufficient communication, this includes vague terms and/or nonexistent contracts!)

6. Your can also ask your fellow pros for pricing information in specific markets. Chances are it's already written down someplace (GAG handbook, blog article...) & they can link you to it. Being specific increases your chances of getting good answers. Pro illustrators have a sincere interest in you knowing & charging good prices - a rising tide lifts all boats!

7. Identify your most productive time of the day. This is when you do your best work. For me it's morning to noon. So I tend to do other chores (grocery shopping, exercise) in the afternoon when I'm more "head tired".

8. To stay hydrated (important!), make it a habit to always keep a drink on your desk. For me that's usually a mug of tea. Hot tea feels good too, bc 90% of the year it's chilly at my desk. I'm also a serious believer in a high fiber diet.

9. Something that has LITERALLY saved my butt: an orthopedic seat cushion (from Bonmedico, bought at Amazon) where the spine can basically "hang free" when you sit. This will turn every desk chair into a healthy one! Be smart and don't use it as an excuse for sitting even longer than you already do, but it does make long periods of sitting to work so, so much easier.

#freelance #freelance illustrator #freelance illustration #freelance life #business #freelance advice

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kit-kat-katie · 1 year

Text

Moonlight Sunrise

A/N: I'm trying to aim for a fic a month for the months that I am in school, and I know I am cutting it close to the deadline, but I made it! I hope you enjoy this third part - it doesn't flow as smoothly as other parts since it was written in three disjointed writing sessions, but I like the final product. See you all in October or whenever I can write next. :)

TW: Canon-typical violence, small bit of bodily gore and blood, brief torture mention, reader throws knives

Pairing: Finnick x GN! Reader (romantic)

Summary: The next day of the 75th Hunger Games brings new allies, new feeling, new foes, new adventure, and new tragedy in your life. Contemplation is not an option - one must act with haste and caution if they want to keep their home safe.

(<- Previous Part | Next Part -> | Series Masterlist)

You and Finnick both watch Katniss and Peeta say a final goodbye to the female morphling who has died. The cannon is a bleak reminder of all that you’ve lost, and Finnick gives a quick look back to ensure that the mutts have not followed you on to the beach.

The trident finds its way into Finnick’s grasp as he scouts the perimeter. You walk a step closer to Katniss and Peeta as an airship comes from the sky to retrieve the body.

“She sacrificed herself for me and I don’t even know her name.” Peeta looks down, and you can’t help but feel bad.

You take a few steps back to let them talk for a moment as the sunrise distracts you from what’s going on.

It’s a beautiful day, and it’ll be even more beautiful when I’m out of here. The sunrise always looked beautiful from the beaches in District Four.

Finnick finds himself fishing, a comfort for the both of you, and his trident lands a catch. You weren’t sure if District 12 kids were used to having fish for breakfast, but they would make do.

You all would because that’s the only choice you have.

Adapt or die.

Katniss devours the fish in front of her as you and Finnick take small bites of the fish. You finish yours, and Finnick adds another piece of meat to your hands before you can object.

Peeta opens a clam with his knife, and he takes the pearl of the clam to give to Katniss. You nudge Finnick, who rolls his eyes at the gesture, with your elbow. You bite down on your lip to suppress your laugh as Katniss observes the pearl in her hand.

A scream from a forest pulls everyone’s attention to the other side of the arena. You all quickly stand up as you watch the wave crash into one sector of the Cornucopia, and as it crashes over the center, it spreads to the other parts of the Cornucopia in smaller waves. The water comes crashing close to all of you, and your legs are soaked by the waves. It’s refreshing to you, but the dull reminder of a cannon and an airship brings you back to reality.

It all could be gone, just like that.

“Someone’s here.” Katniss grabs an arrow as Peeta ducks. Finnick’s stray hand covers your abdomen as his hand tightly grips his trident.

Make it more obvious, Finnick.

Finnick peeks from the bushes for a moment as you hide behind them

“Johanna.” He softly says before moving towards the water again.

Your eyes widen as you immediately follow behind Finnick.

“Johanna!” Finnick waves his hand as you look back and gesture for Peeta and Katniss to follow.

“They’re friends,” You say as you navigate the rocky beach, “and I’m friends with Johanna too. You’ll be fine with us.”

They both, reluctantly, follow behind you as you approach the three people in the distance.

“We were all the way deep in the jungle, where I thought it was safe,” Johanna, covered in blood, holds her axe to the side, “I thought it was water. Turned out to be blood. Hot, thick blood that was coming down-“

“Tick-tok, tick-tok.” Wiress approaches Johanna, who pushes her away immediately.

“-and it was choking us. We were stumbling around, gagging on it, blind. That’s when Blight hit the forcefield.” Johanna takes a quick moment to compose herself. “He wasn’t much, but he was from home.”

“Tick-tok, tick-tok.” Wiress grabs Johanna’s shoulder, and Johanna shoots you and Finnick a knowing glare.

“What’s wrong with her?” Katniss asks as Wiress continues repeating the same phrase over and over.

“She’s in shock,” Beetee explains as he finishes washing the rest of the blood off of him, “Dehydration isn’t helping. You have fresh water?”

You watch Wiress continue to hang onto Johanna, and you step past Finnick to intervene before Johanna does something she’ll regret.

“We can get some-“

“Tick-tok, tick-tok-“

Wiress clings to Johanna, but you place a hand on Wiress’s shoulder. She immediately places her hands on your shoulders as she continues to talk.

“I know, I know-“ You nod at Wiress, but Johanna’s reached her limit.

“Just- just shut up!” She screams at Wiress, and you lightly push Wiress behind you as Johanna charges at her.

“Hey, lay off her!” Katniss yells before intervening herself.

This can’t possibly end well.

Katniss charges at Johanna and tries to get her hands on her, but Johanna pushes her back. Finnick is quick to push himself between the two of them. You want to help, but Johanna’s stronger than you are, pissed-off or not, and you’re not wanting to test her as is. Finnick pulls Johanna further into the water as Peeta holds Katniss back.

“I got them out for you,” Johanna yells at Katniss before directing her anger to Finnick, “let me go!”

Johanna continues to struggle against Finnick’s grip, but the situation is diffused, for now, so your attention turns back to Wiress.

“I’m sorry, Wiress.” You look at the blood on your hands from Wiress along with the blood on Wiress herself. “C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.”

You gently lead Wiress into the water as she continues to tell you ‘tick-tok’.

What are you trying to tell me?

You’re too tired and stressed about every little thing to try and figure it out, but you notice that Wiress is focused on Katniss. Katniss’ eyes meet yours, and you happily wave her over to help you clean her off.

It’ll help keep Katniss focused on something besides trying to hurt Johanna.

“I got this.” Katniss says as you gently pour some water onto Wiress’ clothes.

The murderous intent has left Katniss’ eyes, so you switch spots with her before heading over to Johanna and Finnick.

“Finnick, you’re lucky I didn’t kill her-“

You giggle under your breath after splashing a moderate amount of water onto Johanna and Finnick.

“-Perhaps you could save the murder for after lunch?”

Finnick heartily laughs as Johanna sends you a deadly glare.

“You look like shit. Did you tumble down a mountainside?”

“I did, actually,” A light smirk plays on your face as the next comment flies out of your mouth, “but I think you looked better with blood than without it-“

You choke on the large splash of water that Johanna sends your way. You wipe the water out of your face as you stand there, aghast. Finnick throws his head back and laughs as Johanna manages to crack a smile.

“I missed you too, Johanna,” You roll your eyes before washing the blood off of your hands, “and I wouldn’t laugh, Finnick.”

You lightly flick some water onto Finnick, and his warm smile sends butterflies into your stomach as Johanna carefully observes the both of you.

The playfulness in his eyes sends you retreating back to the shore, but he manages to grab your arm and pull you under water.

You quickly remerge from the water as Finnick pulls you towards him. You both laugh as you place your hands on his chest.

Finnick takes one of your hands and pulls you towards the shore as you try to shake off any previous shyness or embarrassment. You look back at Johanna, who quirks an eyebrow at you.

Don’t mess that up, she mouths to you as you wink at her.

I wasn’t planning on it.

The cool water feels refreshing against your skin. District 4 had taught you to find comfort in water, and your first round of the Hunger Games taught you how much of a luxury water truly was.

Dehydration was a major player in your Hunger Games as the main careers were the only ones with access to water with their strong set of sponsor. You were, in all senses, a fish out of water. Dead bodies by berry bushes taught you how to forge, but you would have been dead without a few sponsors of your own. The first canister of water came from your mentors, and you showed your gratefulness through a warm smile and a small ‘thank you’.

That moment was played over and over across Panem. Hubris flowed and weaved through most of the tributes, but not you, apparently. Finnick would laugh and tell you that you learned that from your favorite mentor. You wanted to tease him back, to say that you didn’t learn anything from him, but you did learn how humble and kind he truly was.

Instead, you told him that Mags was your favorite mentor, and he didn’t talk to you for three whole hours.

Your eyes fall to Finnick’s form next to you. He was attractive, with plenty of golden boy looks and charms to spare. You’d never live it down if you told him that, but you weren’t sure if you’d live at this moment, so maybe another moment to see his smile would be worth the temporary embarrassment.

“Are you watching me?” A sly smile rests on his face as he stands next to you on the shoreline.

“In your dreams, pretty boy.”

His trident sinks into the sand as his head leans toward you.

“I like when you call me those names, sweetheart.”

His hot breath on your neck sends a wave of shivers down your spine, and you raise an eyebrow at him before turning to face him. His lips are inches away from yours, but you want to tease him before he gets what he wants.

“Oh, and what else would you like me to call you? Handsome, perhaps?” A coy smile, matched with wide eyes, causes Finnick to laugh for a moment before responding.

“Anything would be good, as long as it came from your lips.”

“Finnick!” You lightly push him away before nervously looking around you.

“You’re nervous about one of them seeing you after you kissed me in front of the whole Capitol?”

“That was different,” You slightly whine as Finnick looks at you with amusement, “I wanted to make sure that you knew how I felt in case something happened to me.”

His mood darkens for a moment.

“No one’s going to hurt you, not on my watch,” His eyes light up again, “but it’s sweet to know that you think of me from time to time.”

“Of course I do,” Mischief finds a way to lace itself back into your voice, “you’re my dearest mentor.”

“Not your favorite?” His puppy dog eyes don’t convince you one bit.

“Still Mags,” You laugh after he sighs in defeat, “but you’re my favorite person, if that’s any consolation prize.”

“I still want to be your favorite mentor.” He grumbles as you continue to merrily laugh.

I wish we could spend every day like this on the coastline at home. Life has a different plan, it always does.

“This entire arena seems to be laid out like a clock,” Katniss explains as your group walks toward the Cornucopia, “with a new threat every hour, but they stay only within their wedge. It all starts with the lightning, then the blood rain, fog, monkeys… that’s the first four hours. At ten, that big wave hits over there.”

You admire her deducing skills as she points out each sector. You do your best to memorize them - it could help save your life.

“Wiress, you’re a genius.” Finnick softly compliments her as you approach the weapon rack.

You grab as many throwing knives as possible along with a small satchel to store them in. Being defenseless wasn’t really your style, and you had to prove yourself in some way.

The group discusses the lightning occurrence, and the chatter doesn’t catch your ear as you focus on your surroundings. You’re out in the open, vulnerable on most sides, and someone would get killed if they strayed-

“Relax, you’re tensing up.” Finnick places his hand on your back for a moment before retrieving another small knife from the group.

“I’m just worried,” You say as Finnick offers you the knife, “but thanks-“

He pulls the knife back for a moment with a wicked smile as you dramatically roll your eyes and sigh.

“What do you want me to do, say please?”

“I was going for a kiss, but please will work for me.” He tosses the knife in the air, and you snatch it before he can grab onto it.

“Perhaps you’ll get what you want when there’s less people around,” You tease before you hear the group gathering nearby. “and when there’s less people trying to murder us.”

Wiress sings a childhood lullaby on a rock near the water as Peeta draws a circle on the ground. Finnick moves his hand from your back to his side, but you’re quick grab his hand with yours.

“From twelve to one, there’s lightning, and from one to two, there’s blood,” Peeta divides the circle into even parts as he deciphers the arena, “then fog, then monkeys.”

“Ten to eleven, the wave. What about everything else? Did you guys see anything?”

I think I would remember seeing something bad from this hellhole.

You shake your head as Johanna answers.

“Nothing but blood.”

“It doesn’t matter, as long as you stay clear of whichever sectors active, you’ll be safe.” Peeta counters.

“Yeah, relatively speaking-“ Finnick pauses, as do the rest of you, when you hear a soft gasp from the same spot that Wiress was sitting at.

With a knife in her back from Gloss, Wiress was lifeless in his arms. Your survival instincts kick in as you pull a knife to throw, but Katniss beats you to it with an arrow to his chest. The cannon booms twice in a row as your suspicions are proven right: you’re a target, right where the hunters want you.

Your eyes spot a blob of blonde moving in the distance, so you push Johanna towards it as you look for the other two careers. She can handle herself, along with Katniss. You’re worried about Beetee and Peeta because Finnick cannot protect both of them with an attack on all fronts. You let go of his hand as you prepare yourself to fight like hell for yourself, Finnick, and your friends.

A canon booms as Brutus throws something sharp at the four of you. You duck and pull Beetee down with you as the rest avoid the projectile with ease. You immediately get back up as Brutus charges at Finnick while Enobaria approaches from behind. With a knife in hand, you throw it her way to pull her attention from Finnick. The knife scraps her cheek and leaves a small, bleeding cut where it had once touched her skin.

Enobaria looks at you for a moment, a small bit of fear in her eyes, before baring her teeth at you. With a small glance to Brutus and her fallen allies, she runs to take cover along with Brutus.

Finnick pushes a charging Peeta back as Katniss and Johanna chase after them. You barely have time to think before the center of the Cornucopia starts to spin rapidly. You fall to your knees but are able to grab onto a rock before you fall into the water. Peeta grabs onto one near you, but you can’t tell if any of the others have fallen in to the spinning death trap or if you all are hanging on by a mere thread.

Your eyes catch the sight of the shiny weapons above you that rattle rapidly with the movement of the Cornucopia. You curse under your breath as they start to fall off, but you’re able to navigate your body around them with little to no issue. Peeta struggles a bit more, but your focus lands on his hands. He won’t be able to hold on much longer since he’s not used to the waves constantly crashing into his body.

The last of the weapons and crates fly past you as the Cornucopia slows down and eventually stills. You crawl up to level ground before taking a deep breath.

That was… an experience.

Peeta quickly gets off the ground as you hear Katniss coughing in the distance. Johanna and Peeta run to aid her as you simple bask in the warm glow of the sun. The water was cold and unfamiliar against your skin - a feeling that you hated with every iota of your body.

You pull yourself up before Finnick and Beetee approach you.

“You okay?” Finnick asks as Beetee tries to wipe off his glasses.

How did he manage to keep those things on?

“I’ll survive.” You shake off his concern with a light smile.

Concern still rests in Finnick’s irises, but he lets the question rest for now.

“Let’s just get what we need and get off the bloody island.” Johanna convincingly says, and you nod in agreeance.

I knew this wouldn’t be a good idea, and here we are. Another person who is a needless causality.

You stare out at the ocean, reflecting on the events that have just occurred. This activity used to bring you comfort, a moment of relief from the ever-chaotic life of a Victor, but waves of sadness crashed against your heart just as the waves of water splashed your feet.

A couple of tears fall from your eyes as you replay the fight at the Cornucopia again and again. If you had been with Wiress, you could’ve saved her. If you had been more aware and less of a romantic idiot, then one less person’s blood would be on your hands.

You couldn’t listen to the five of them discuss who was alive, and the next plan. Not so soon after Wiress’ death, after someone you cared about was ripped from your life without any hesitation.

You wipe the tears from your eyes as you imagine the Capitol citizens cheering at your display of affection. You had always had a soft heart for the tributes you trained and your fellow victors, so a moment like this was not uncommon.

You remember how you bawled after the first set of tributes from District 4 died under your mentorship and guidance. You had locked yourself in your room, and Mags was the first one to come knocking on the door.

“Mags, I can’t do this!” You cry out from under the sheets.

She gently knocks, twice, against the door.

“They were counting on me…” You mumble under your breath as another wave of tears fell from your eyes.

She stayed out there all night until you came out for breakfast the next day. You had never felt such strong affection from someone until that moment, when she hugged you as she wiped your tears. Mags always knew what to do.

What would she do now?

She’d smile and stroke your face with a loving look in her eyes before nodding in front of you. With a small hug, she would send you back in to face whatever had been bothering you.

Mags was your favorite mentor because she understood you like no one else would. She knew who you were under the sunshine, and she still accepted you for it. That, however, didn’t stop Finnick from creeping into your heart.

Maybe Finnick wasn’t your favorite mentor, but rather, your favorite person. You’d have to tell him that sometime, if you got the chance.

Unfortunately, your introspective thoughts had to be put aside as someone stood up from behind you.

“Prim!” Katniss screams before running into the forest.

Your eyes widen as you realize what’s pulling her to the forest.

Mockingjays.

Mockingjays were your least favorite flying creatures by far. Many other tributes would regard them as an annoyance, but you had watched one tear your District 4 tribute, the one from your first set of Hunger Games, away from you. The birds sung praises of loved ones, and promises of safety and familial love. You knew better, but they didn’t.

That damned bird was harnessed by the career pack, and they murdered your district partner in cold blood as you watched from the shadows. After they left, you made a small bouquet of flowers and laid it on your ally’s chest. Soon after, you received a parachute from your second sponsor - a set of knives to bring harm to those who had taken your last piece of home away from you.

Here you were, again, watching as your mentor sat silently in the field after being trapped with the mockingjays for an hour. Katniss had Peeta to tell her that everything was okay, but what could you say to Finnick that he didn’t already know? Annie and Mags were safe, for now, and you were here beside him. You were physically here, but your mind kept replaying the image of your fellow tribute bleeding to death on the ground.

The man in front of you started to resemble the kid who was slain in the games, and as soon as a grotesque image of Finnick’s lifeless body entered your mind, you quickly stood up and brushed past a ranting Johanna.

“What are they-“

“Don’t, just don’t.” Johanna quickly defends you from any questioning as you make your way back to the beach, to your safe place.

You sit on the sand, waiting for some answer to rise out of the water. The waves had always calmed your mind, but between Wiress’ death and the Mockingjays, you couldn’t find anything relaxing about the water. Everything felt suffocating, like you were drowning in a tide pool of your thoughts and emotions.

You sit down on the sand and let everything crash over you. There are no more tears, no more sadness… just an empty, horrible feeling at the bottom of your stomach.

“Mind if I join you?” Finnick’s voice floats to your ears, but you can’t find the energy to respond to him.

You’re drained, tired, and ready to go back to District 4, but there was no going back from what was already planned out.

Finnick chooses to take your silence as an answer as he slowly sits next to you. You think about how odd you look, tribute and mentor, side-by-side. You’re not a teenager any more - neither is he - but you feel childish, refusing to talk to him after he went through something as horrible as those Mockingjays.

“I’m sorry.” You bluntly say while cutting out any mental excuses that your brain is making up.

Finnick doesn’t respond, and you don’t have the courage to look at him. You, subconsciously, place your hand to the side in an attempt to ground yourself in the moment. You needed to be here, now, in the moment-

His hand, ever-so-gently, is placed on top of yours.

Everything has felt so fucked-up as of late.

But this? Being close to Finnick - getting all of his touch, his teasing, his kindness, his everything - it was everything to you.

For the first time since you entered the arena, you felt at home.

A familiar tune plays as your group stops to look at those who have been killed today. Familiar faces appear in the sky, both ones you love and hate, but there is no time for any regret to be spared. There is a plan - one that is highly dangerous and highly unlikely to work - but you have no time. The clock ticks in your head, in your heart, in your body, until midnight.

You’ll be dead, a slave to the Capitol, or on your way to an uncertain future.

What great options.

You approach the tree right behind everyone else as Beetee begins to work. You back away and let him do the rest as midnight ticks closer with every waking breath.

Beetee hands Katniss the rest of the electrical wire, and instructs you, Katniss, and Johanna on what to do and where to meet. Like any decision made so far, someone has to disagree with the plan that was crafted beyond their awareness.

“I’ll go with them as a guard.” Peeta says, but Beete quickly disagrees.

“No, no, you’re staying here to protect me… and the tree.”

The suspicions quickly clouds around Katniss and Peeta as you exhale deeply.

Why does every decision have to start and end with an argument?

“No, I need to go with her.” Peeta harshly says.

“There are two careers out there, and I need two guards.” Beetee matches Peeta’s intensity as you glance over at Finnick.

Do something, you mouth at him before he turns back towards everyone else.

“Finnick and Johanna can protect you just fine.” Peeta tries to reason with him, and Katniss, as always, jumps in with her own opinion on the matter.

“Yeah, why can’t Finnick and Johanna stay with you while Peeta, Sunny, and I take the coil?”

Your ears perk at the second mention of your name as you turn to look at Katniss, but she’s staring holes into Beetee.

“You all agreed to keep me alive until midnight, correct?” Beetee approaches Katniss, who stays silent.

“It’s his plan,” Johanna chimes in, “we all agreed to it.”

“Is there a problem?” Finnick, finally, decides to speak up as you cross your arms.

“Excellent question. Is there a problem?” Beetee matches Katniss’ glare, and you watch her back down.

“No, there’s no problem.”

You would’ve stepped in, but the hostility that Katniss has displayed in the current moments has made you question that action. You’d like to walk out of here with as few arrows in your body as possible.

Peeta and Katniss share a parting kiss as you glance over at Finnick again.

Be careful, he mouths to you as you prepare to take your leave.

I always am, you silently say back before you depart with Katniss and Johanna towards the water.

Your mind is in a state of complete disarray as you make your way towards the beach. Katniss makes a point to hand you her bow instead of Johanna, but she’s quick to snatch it back as soon as she can.

I don’t blame her for being on edge. I am too.

Regret is the ugly feeling consuming you - regret for not telling Finnick something in that last moment, the last moment you might ever see him again.

Don’t say that, don’t think that. You will find your way back to home, you always do.

Thoughts of home kept you safe, calm, and sane in your first Hunger Game. Home, then, was your family home with all of your loved ones inside. Home was the beach where you and your school friends would play after lessons were through. Home was the smell of freshly cooked fish in the air that mingled with the sea salt smell of the water. Home was everything that District Four was.

Thinking about home, now, lead you back to the same person again and again. His golden locks that you spent far too long admiring, his sugary smile that melted your heart at the mere mention of it, and his sweet gestures and sly words that had you both toeing the line between fellow mentors and something more.

You wondered if you would get another chance to kiss him, to tell him every emotion that he inspired in you. If you didn’t, wherever you ended up, you would tell them about Finnick: the man he was, is, and always will be.

“C’mon, I want to put as much distance between us and this beach as possible,” Johanna sternly tells Katniss as she brings the wire behind the three of you, “frying is not the way I want to go.”

“There’s something…” Katniss trails off as she tugs on the wire behind her.

A few more tugs from Katniss, and the wire comes free. The knife naturally comes to the front of your hand as Brutus approaches from the distance.

A quick look from Johanna causes you to throw said knife at him. He dodges it before stopping, but the sickening smile on his face sends shivers down your spine. You hear Johanna hit Katniss on the back of the head as you grab another knife.

So it begins.

You throw another knife at Brutus, and his dodging skills worsen as the knife cuts open part of his uniform and stomach. The cut isn’t too deep, not enough to kill, but it gives enough of a distraction for Johanna to cut the tracker out of Katniss’ arm.

Enobaria appears next to him, and your eyes widen as Johanna tells Katniss to stay down. You ready another knife, but Johanna shoves you to her right.

“Go,” She say before preparing to strike with her axe, “and don’t look back. Haymitch isn’t the only person I made a promise to.”

Finnick-

You nod in solemn agreement before taking off back towards the tree.

After a minute of running, you hide among the bushes for the moment as you hear footsteps approach.

“Johanna, Sunny, where are you?” Finnick calls out before stopping not too far from you.

Every cell inside you is reaching out to say something, to call out to him, but you can’t.

You tear off a small part of your tribute outfit before preparing to plunge your knife into your left arm.

The tracker has to go out one way or another.

Katniss was ready to go, and with a clean knife cut, yours was out too. The pain was immeasurable, but you quickly stop the bleeding with your makeshift bandaid. You throw the tracker towards the beach as you hear Finnick walk away from Katniss and yourself.

You can hear Katniss struggling to stand, so you quietly approach her while cutting off another part of your shirt. Once you emerge from the bushes, an arrow is pointed at your chest, but Katniss doesn’t put her bow down.

“You have to trust me, just for a while longer.” You toss her the strip of clothing, and she puts her bow down to tie up her arm before heading back to the tree.

You quietly trail behind her, nerves on edge, as you hold your knife in anticipation for an attacker. Katniss holds the wire in her hand as she looks at the tree curiously.

Sparks by the left side of the tree send Beetee flying as you quickly pass Katniss to check on Beetee.

He’s twitching and non-response, but breathing.

“Beetee-“

You pause as Katniss spots a makeshift spear nearby. Your eyes widen as you look at the tree in front of you - a ticking death machine as far as you were concerned.

You pull Beetee as far away from the tree as you can manage before another cannon fires.

“Peeta!” Katniss screams as her anger flares towards you.

The arrow is lined straight at your heart - if she releases it, you’re dead.

But you don’t fear death, not for a moment. If your death saves her and everyone else, then it would be a worthy sacrifice.

A tear falls, but not of fear or sadness, but pity. Pity for the poor girl in front of you who only knows how to solve violence with more violence.

You could only hope that Peeta was alive out there, and that Brutus or Enobaria were the one dead.

Rummaging through the nearby bushes causes her to misfire, as the arrow makes it mark into your knee. You crumble to the ground in horrendous pain as you only hope that this all will work out. You wonder if you will be able to walk again - your mentors had warned that injuries to the lower-half of your body would wound you for life if it didn’t cause your death in the arena.

You can only be a spectator as Katniss prepares another arrow, one to fire at the person who’s headed this way.

“Katniss, where are you?” Finnick cries out as Katniss prepares to fire her arrow at her.

You can only writhe in pain and be a spectator as Finnick notices Katniss. Pain constricts your throat, so you can’t tell him that you’re out of the way, that you’re safe, but he’s not.

You can’t watch someone else, someone from your home, die right in front of your. You were a helpless kid then as you watched someone die, but now, you were an adult.

Hell will have frozen over if you don’t do something about it.

You try to move your injured leg after a little pain subsides, but a shooting pain in your knee keeps you from moving your legs anymore than you have to.

“Katniss, remember who the real enemy is.” Finnick warns her as she continues to stay on-guard with her arrow pointed at his chest.

You look over at Beetee as guilt washes over you. You won’t let anyone else you care about die, not even the girl who shot you in the damn knee. With one hand in front of the other, you pull yourself out of the shadows and towards the two of them. Pain shoots through your body, but the adrenaline pumping through your veins counteracts it.

You try to stay as far away from the tree as possible as Katniss decides what to do next. She lowers her bow for a moment as thunder starts to collect around the tree of you. A bush blocks your view for a moment as you continue to crawl, but you hear Finnick warn Katniss to stay away from the tree. The last thing you remember was Finnick charging forward and Katniss releasing an arrow towards the lightning strikes before sparks clouded your vision until it faded completely black.

White.

The only color you see around you is white. Your arms are restricted by some sort of holding device behind you. You struggle against them, but your effortless are completely and utterly useless.

“We had a deal, Sunny.”

Shivers run up your spine as a clean set of black boots approach you. You know that voice, you’ve heard it all over speakers and right in front of you, and you hate its smugness. Its owner, however, is objectively the worst part.

Your eyes glance up to meet his as Snow cruelly smiles at you.

“And here I was, thinking that you would be something so much greater than yourself,” He chides you before pulling something out from behind his back, “what a fool I was.”

“I think, Sunny,” He continues as the weapon in his land comes to life with electric sparks, “that you and I need to become reacquainted with one another. Who, truly, is the real Sunny?”

Your screams aren’t heard from the soundproof rooms, and he doesn’t stop after you feel yourself fade away to nothingness.

The gently rocking of a carrier ship disturbs your unpeaceful rest. An oxygen mask helps you calm your breath as you open your eyes. The lights blind your vision, and for a moment, you’re scared that your nightmare was about to come true.

“Well, that went about as well as possible.” Haymitch mumbles before setting Katniss down next to you. Your eyes dart to the other side, where Beetee gently rests next to you.

“She needs time to adjust,” Another man, one that you don’t quite recognize, says before his eyes meet yours, “but they look less violent.”

Haymitch turns to you as he lets out a deep sigh.

“Sorry about your knee, and sorry about the shit job I did wrapping it up. Finnick re-wrapped it, by the way-“

You immediately sit up as Haymitch gently grabs your shoulder.

“Yes, yes, your lover boy is okay, calm down. You’re not going anywhere fast for a long time.” You look at your knee with Haymitch as you see the wound bleeding through the bandaging. It’s carefully wrapped, not too tight, just like Finnick did whenever you got cuts on your hands from the rocks back at home.

“Sunny?”

You push Haymitch away with the strength of a toddler as Finnick approaches this part of the plane.

“Okay, I got it, you two need some alone time.” Haymitch stands up before heading to the front of the plane. “Plutarch-“

“You did good, protecting the Mockingjay. If you feel like fighting again, we could always use someone like you.” Plutarch says before following Haymitch to the front of the carrier ship.

Finnick quickly passes both of them as the door closes behind him. Once he reaches your side, he pulls the oxygen mask off your face and lightly caresses your cheek with the pad of his thumb. You, in response, raise a hand towards the bruises on his face.

“Your cheek-“ You croak out as Finnick shakes his head.

“Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. How’s your knee?”

“Hurts.” You mumble softly.

His eyes never leave yours, and the adoration in his eyes melts your core. You two stay in a comfortable silence as you place your hand on his chest.

“I won’t let anything else hurt you, I promise. We’ll be safe in District 13, I-“

You cut him off with a sweet kiss to the lips.

“I love you,” You lovingly whisper after your lips leave his, “now and forever.”

“Even with everything we’ve been through?” He quietly says as you reassure him.

“Especially considering everything we’ve been through.”

This time, his lips meet yours as you melt into Finnick’s chest, and, for now, this feels enough like home.

tagging -> @yokolesbianism , @avoxrising (send an ask or reply to be added for any future updates!)

#fanfic #x reader #the hunger games #the hunger games fanfic #the hunger games fluff #the hunger games x reader #finnick x reader #finnick imagine #thg finnick #finnick odair

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pencileraser1 · 5 months

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dead poets society theater au headcanons

so for context, i'm a stagehand, i've worked for events as well as in community theater, so this is mostly based off of that. doing my part to add dps to the dps tag, and this was what i could come up with

ok they're all involved in a small community theater production of the tempest over the summer

neil is an actor, he's playing ariel, this is one of the first roles he's landed. he'd done theater in school as puck, which didn't go so well, but it's been a while since then. he's graduated college recently after studying medicine and is finally somehow at a point where his father has less control over him. despite this, he's somewhat unsure what he wants to do now, if he wants to continue with medicine cause it's what he knows, or try to make it in theater.

todd is the assistant stage manager, he was really unsure about taking the job, but the stage manager, cameron, who he was pretty good friends with, and who he'd worked on a crew with before, specifically wanted him. despite this, he's worried that he's too anxious and not assertive enough to do it

cameron is the stage manager, and a bit of a hardass, which means the crew loves him and a decent chunk of the actors hate him. he's good at his job, he's very organized and really good at getting shit done and people together, but he'll also chew you out if you fuck up

meeks and pitts are lights and sound respectively, they've worked on a ton of shows together before and are pretty close. every show they work together, they bring a bag of snacks with them for the crew to eat during performances

charlie is the prop master, and a stagehand. he has a knack for finding weirdly useful shit in random places, and is brilliant at constructing props. despite this cameron is constantly having to bug him to get his stuff finished on time. he and cameron have a sort of love/hate relationship, they clash really bad at times but they both understand that the show would not be as good if either of them weren't there

keating is the director! he works really well with newer actors, i'd imagine he's pretty similar to peter weir in a lot of ways. he can take a little too long to reach deadlines, as getting the show perfect is a lot more important to him, which annoys cameron a bit

knox is also an actor, he's playing ferdinand and is convinced that he and chris, who plays miranda, are destined to be together or something. chris doesn't see him like that though

chris is miranda, she was originally interested in the tech/design aspect of theater, but a while back they needed more actors, and she ended up volunteering. she started as crew when ginny first started acting, because ginny was nervous to do it alone

ginny is iris, she has more free time this show since her role is smaller, but is always at rehearsal whenever chris is there, so she ends up sitting around and watching a lot. she quickly becomes friends with neil, who is similarly always around todd

anytime he's not busy, neil is hanging around todd. he's started doing parts of todds job for him, getting batteries, taping doors, sweeping the stage, doing other miscellaneous errands. he spends so much time with todd that he somehow ends up as crew in the program in addition to ariel. he starts getting to the theater early when the crew shows up just to spend more time with todd. cameron has started treating him as an extra stagehand

#this was originally just anderperry then i realized cameron would be a GREAT stage manager and now here it is #i've never done headcanons like this before sorry if it's a bit choppy #dead poets society #dps #neil perry #todd anderson #richard cameron #stephen meeks #steven meeks #gerard pitts #charlie dalton #john keating #knox overstreet #chris noel #ginny danburry

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azaliyas · 1 year

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Hello dear!

I would like to request an alhaitham x f!reader, wherein they're both burned out from work and had a big fight hehe but make it angst to comfort please 🥹

summary : as scholars and researchers, you and alhaitham had to deal with a lot of stress and pressure from deadlines, inhuman amounts of workload and tiredness. one evening, after another day of exhausting work, a simple argument turned into a huge fight with both of you throwing insults and yelling at each other. neither of you really meant any of that, and you both know that at the end of the day, comfort is where the other is.

word count : [ to be added later ]

genre : angst, hurt to comfort.

cw / tw : fem!reader, mentions of fighting and self-negligence, both character and reader are burned out, cursing and yelling.

characters : alhaitham.

note : aaaahhh! this is my first request! i'm pretty excited about it ngl ewe i hope it's what you kinda imagined and that it's of your liking, dear anon! <3

when, as a young and hopeful student, you entered the akademiya you knew you were going to deal with a lot, since the sumerian institution was worldly regarded as the best school existing. you knew stress and deadlines would have become your new best friends, but you were ready for all of that. you were passionate about history and social studies, the vahumana darshan was the obvious choice to satisfy your thirst for knowledge.

it was during those years that you met your boyfriend, alhaitham, a student of haravatat that was also well-versed in the topics of the other darshans. you would sometimes ask for his help and, surprisingly to others, he wouldn't complain about it one bit. many thought it was because you could offer something to him in exchange, but they were absolutely wrong. alhaitham always accepted to help you because he recognised your intelligence and pure love for knowledge, a love that made you aware of your limits as a human, and so respectful of not keep going on with your studies when the possible knowledge could harm you to a non returning point.

and from that, it was easy for him to fall in love with you, going against all logical thoughts because for him love was illogical, but loving you was not.

——————————————————————

alhaitham was tired. his mind felt numb, the more he read the book in front of him and the less he could understand the words printed on it. he knew it was pointless to continue reading if he wasn't registering any information, it was a waste of time he could have spent doing something more productive. yet there he was, closed in the four walls of his home office, trying to make heads and tails of the documents scattered all over his desk.

accepting nahida's offering as the acting grand sage, he thought, was the worst decision he could have taken in his whole life. even if it was momentarily until the lesser lord would have find the right people to take over as the sages, he was already tired of all the extra work he had to do, since he didn't renounce to his position as the akademiya's scribe. but now all of that was taking a toll on both his body and his mind, as well as his relationship with you.

when was the last time you two went on a date? or had at least spent some time together, doing one of the typical couples stuff he despised but you loved? or when was the last time he had held you in his arms, had a proper sleep, a proper meal, a proper anything? it had his blood boiling knowing that, after the commotion caused by the turmoil he and cyno and aether caused, he hadn't been able to enjoy the new freedom of sumeru with you. he knew you didn't mind it that much, because otherwise there wouldn't have been any peace in the nation at all, had the plan of the sages went well, nor did he regret do the right thing that was rescue the lesser lord.

but alhaitham missed you, all and everything about you. he missed your kind and pretty smile, he missed your lovely laughter. he missed your fingers gently playing with his hair, he missed your nails lightly scratching his scalp. he missed the warmth of your body, he missed the softness of your skin under his lips.

he missed his dear, precious lover, yet he couldn't do much about it, because even if you did manage to get some free time, you two were too tired to do anything that wasn't sleeping to finally get some energy back.

on the other hand, at the akademiya...

your office at the akademiya never felt so suffocating. it was big and spacious, lots of windows with a beautiful view on the city of wisdom and knowledge, but it was starting to being claustrophobic. how many hours had you spend there, trying to write your paper, you didn't know. day after day you would close yourself in, surrounded by books and old papers, trying to finish your research about the traditional celebrations of khaenri'ah, how they would celebrate important occasions such as the birthday of a member of the royal family or the coronation of a new king / queen, but sources were rare and your mental sanity was running thin. and yet, because you were so damn stubborn, you kept searching and searching, putting aside your well-being for this. the paper could have gotten you funds and a promotion as a full-time professor and you had all the intentions of getting both.

raising your head your eyes fell on the clock on your desk. almost 11pm. you sighed, hands ruffling your already messy hair. how long have it been since you had a proper shower, instead of a quick run so you could optimize your time and spend as much of it as possible on your research? you had no idea. another sigh left your lips and you decided you call it a day.

standing up, you took all the materials and put them aside, knowing you would be again in your office back tomorrow morning. your head felt like a hammer was hitting against your brain walls, an annoying whistle in your ears as you left your office, hand on forehead and another on the wall to support yourself. you felt so weak, when was the last time you ate a proper meal? puspa café's snacks were good, but they couldn't possibly be enough.

you left the akademiya, the gentle night breeze blowing on your warm skin. you shivered at the feeling, goosebumps arising on your arms, but it felt good. "i'm still alive", you thought, "this akademiya shit still hasn't gotten the better of me". a bitter laugh escaped at your own thoughts — how fucked up were you, actually?

dragging your feet in the silent city, you walked down to get home. alhaitham was probably already asleep, you imagined, because your boyfriend wasn't the type to stay up late to finish work, not even now that he was the acting grand sage, after the rebellion he planned and executed with the help of the general mahamatra cyno and the traveling hero aether to rescue lesser lord kusanali.

when you got home you expected anything but the sight of your boyfriend in the kitchen, brewing himself a cup of coffee. his eyebags were prominent, his hair a mess, his skin pale. all signs of exhaustion, just like yours.

«haitham, why are you still awake?» you asked stepping inside the kitchen. you heard him sighing, his beautiful teal-orange eyes burning your figure.

«the same as you: working my ass off for the akademiya.» his sharp tone had you flinch and frown, not expecting him to throw his tiredness on you.

«well, you should go get some rest. maybe it will help with that attitude of yours.» you bit back, and your boyfriend scoffed at your words.

«says you, looking like shit for neglecting your basic needs in favor of your academic research.» his coffee was long forgotten, his attention solely focused on your and your argument.

deep down alhaitham knew it wasn't fair of him to throw his exhaustion and tiredness on you, reversing in the same conditions as him, but he couldn't stand your lecture about self care when you were the first to not follow your own advice. he loved you and hated the state you were in because of work. and yet he threw all of his logical stuff shit out of the window the moment you retorted.

you, on the other hand, were left bewildered by his harsh words. he knew what you were going through, working your ass off to finally be acknowledged by the higher-ups and see your dreams realised. you felt your breath hitching in your throat and your eyes burning, but your pride stopped you from bursting out crying in front of your boyfriend. crying would have meant giving it up and you didn't want that, you wanted him to recognise your hard work.

«you're not better than me, alhaitham, otherwise you would be sleeping by now. say, how many cups of coffee did you gobble down?» your voice got higher than your usual tone, and he noticed it way too well. his hand itched to go up to his headphones and turn on the soundproof option, but he desisted. if you wanted a fight, he would have given you the fight of your lives.

«and when did this conversation slip on me when you are the one who has it worse?»

«i have it worse because i'm trying to fulfill my dreams, mister "i have it all easy-peasy lemon-squeezy"!»

«as if i have ever wanted to hold the position of acting grand sage. it's a pain in the ass dealing with all these stupid and arrogant scholars.»

«and there you go again with that awful attitude of yours! do you even hear yourself? they're working so hard and you don't even acknowledge it!»

«like you never got acknowledged for your efforts, pushing you to this point?»

that last sentence of his went over the invisible line neither of you ever had the courage to pass. if first your voices came to a yelling mess that could be heard through the whole city, now the house was dead silent. in that silence alhaitham's eyes widened when he registered what he had said, but it was too late to apologise. the tears you fought to hold back during the argument finally escaped, streaming down your warm cheeks. your lips trembled and before your lover could say something, you talked first.

«you're a bastard, alhaitham.» a sob interrupted you, but you didn't care. «you're an insensitive bastard that can't and doesn't want to go past his nose because who cares if others are struggling? i'm not, it's none of my problem.» you managed to retort even in the middle of your hiccups.

you gave your back to your boyfriend, who was standing still, frozen on the spot. you walked away, out of the house, while he could do nothing but watching your figure disappearin the late night.

his lips trembled, but bit them to stop. his head fell down.

the front door closed with a loud slam.

——————————————————————

you ran back to the akademiya, but instead of going to your office you went for the pavilion outside, the lower level of it where almost nobody ever went. it was quiet, facing the city outskirts, and it was away from the home you shared with alhaitham.

your cried all your tears on your way, your cheeks now dry and sticky. swallowing the annoying knot in your throat, you took a sit on the edge of the empty pavilion, legs casually swinging in the void beneath. luckily for you it was a somewhat warm night, so you didn't have to worry about getting a jacket (as if you didn't forget about it anyway).

your lips were still trembling, the whistle in your ears now replaced by the harsh words alhaitham threw at you. was it true that you never got acknowledged because you didn't work hard enough? or was it because you weren't smart enough? what did the akademiya consider you? average? mediocre? barely above the standard? but you surely had something, otherwise you would have been expelled long ago with the reason of dragging down the prestigious name of the sumeru akademiya.

you started feeling cold not from the night breeze, but from the painful realisation that, maybe, you weren't enough. your heart ached in your chest at the thought. did you just waste years and years of your youth for a dream that had no chance to become true from the beginning? were all of your efforts worth nothing in the akademiya's eyes?

you were so immersed in your thoughts that you didn't hear footsteps approaching from behind. you jumped on the spot when a piece of clothing was draped over your shoulders, covering your shaking figure. your head snapped up only to meet with alhaitham's gaze, one you had never seen in all of your years of dating him: a gaze filled with sorrow and remorse.

«can i take a sit?» his voice was low, gentle.

you nodded and he sat beside you, his legs joining yours in swinging over the edge. you pulled his cape tighter around you, now aware of the coldness that was taking over your exhausted body.

silence filled your surroundings for a while, only the gentle flow of a river in the distance occupying your ears. you didn't know what to say nor where to start, and alhaitham had never been good with words when it came to feelings and such. sure, he improved thanks to you, but his lack of experience was evident. it had been painfully evident in that fight of a couple of hours ago, too.

«you were right, i am indeed a bastard, but my inability to look over my nose, as you said, is the last reason for that. even if i acknowledged your struggles and had to watch you crumble under the amount of pressure and expectations the higher-ups have on you, instead of helping you and give you comfort, i hit you were you are most vulnerable. that indeed makes me a bastard, one that doesn't deserve someone as good as you in his life. but still, i do hope you can forgive me. is that selfish?»

you waited for alhaitham to finish his little speech before raising your gaze and look at him. you could read all the tiredness that got a hold of him and had the best of him and his usual calm self. his eyes were curved down, his brilliant teal-orange hue dulled by regret. his lips were pale and bitten, pressed in a thin line.

«i won't say you're not, but i also don't want you to think that those words i said are entirely true.» your voice was still hoarse from crying, so you cleared your throat before continuing. «i'm sorry for what i said, i wasn't in my right mind. it's just that... maybe you're right, i'm not good enough for the akademiya and that's why i never got acknowledged.» you sank your face in your hands, hiding from your boyfriend.

alhaitham, however, was having none of it. he took your hands in his and pushed them away, then grabbed your chin and forced you to look at him in the eyes.

«that's not true. you're one of the smartest women i've ever met, and they were really few. you have a way with words that's hard to describe, your passion for research admirable and an example for many. you know when to stop to be respectful of the limits that we, as humans, have. it's the akademiya that's made of arrogant and noisy scholars who can't recognise a gem when they're holding one, not you not being enough for an institution made of corruption and greed.»

his lips met your forehead, his words digging holes in your brain, putting roots in there. he was right, he was so goddamn right. you were smart, you were curious, you were knowledgeable, you were respectful. you had all the qualities of a proper scholar, so how the hell did you think you weren't enough? you were even too much, but it would have been a freezing day in sumeru city before you were going to give up on your dreams.

your body though, reminded you you have been way too self-neglecting to start a war with the higher-ups and fuck them over, for now at least.

your hands slipped away from alhaitham's to find themselves on his cheeks, cupping his handsome face. you pulled him down for a kiss, one that was much needed. his arms found rest around your waist, chests pressed together and foreheads touching.

you needed a vacation, and so did alhaitham. you two needed to destress away from the akademiya and spend some quality time together, in each other's arms after neglecting your needs and desires as a couple for too long. and you also needed to stand your grounds and show the akademiya who you were and what you were made of.

there would be time for that, though. for now, you only needed alhaitham, his gentle touch and his sweet kisses, his comfort and his reassurance that he would be there for you to help and support you, as much as he needed the same from you. he may be the almighty genius that saved sumeru and held a knowledge many would kill to have, but in your arms, he was nothing more than a man driven by love and devotion for you and your persona.

#✧༄ཾ┊ azaliyas #✧༄ཾ┊ azaliya's paperwork #genshin headcanons #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #genshin angst #genshin comfort #alhaitham x reader

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femmefatalevibe · 1 year

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Hello darling! I’ve tried several times to do time blocking and have my app calendar organised but it never works. I have adhd so it’s like I don’t know how to keep it up because I never found a method that it works for me. Can you share how you do it in case you do it? And some tips? I feel like it’ll help me to organise my life but I feel stuck every time I have to do it. Thank you <3

Hi love! Sharing my method below. Hope it's somewhat useful xx

To-Do List Planning:

Spend an hour or so on the weekend to list all of the important assignments/errands, etc. you need to complete during the week. Fill your calendar with your school/work/activity obligations first see an overview of how you will need to spend a considerable amount of time dedicated to each non-negotiable activity. Use this overview to help you map out the "free" time" you have and pre-schedule when you will do specific work projects, study for a particular exam, when you will run certain errands, engage in leisure activities, etc.

Before bed/dinner, use this weekly framework to finalize the next day – your agenda for the upcoming day. Determine the big 1-3 tasks you want to complete the following day and when throughout your day you will focus on these specific tasks. Giving yourself this pre-assigned schedule will eliminate decision fatigue and allow you to go into a more "autopilot" mode by completing the action you've already planned to take at any time of the day.

Important Date Reminders:

Utilize your Google Calendar and sync it to your iCloud (make sure it's private!) to allow you to write down any important dates available for viewing on your phone, computer, etc. at all times.

Create a color-coding system to organize your calendar (i.e. make any big projects due in blue, regular/smaller assignments to complete in red, important job reminders in yellow, errands tasks in green, family/friend obligations in purple, appointments in orange, etc.)

If you need to remember to submit certain paperwork, run an errand, etc., use your Reminders app to alert you at the time when you're able to complete this task before a deadline, going home, etc.

Use the location function or invite other participating members on a specific Google calendar event for any obligations where you need to be at a certain place at a specific time and/or are working on a group project, having a meeting, or need to be at a location with someone else.

I'm very into my "bookend" routines aka the rituals I do before I start my tasks for the day and how I wind down at night.

In the morning: Skincare, outfit, makeup, 2 big mugs of black coffee, reading articles & newsletters

In the evening: A long walk outside or a 15-30 minute YouTube workout/dance party session when the weather isn't optimal. Shower, skincare, get into sweats, make dinner, clean up around the house

To plan out my work week/days:

I use the 3-Month Productivity Planner by Intelligent Change (linked here). It's been my holy grail while building my business for the past 3-4 years. I also love having a physical "To-Do" list notepad next to me for tasks that come to mind or come up throughout the day that I want to organize/come back to later. (I always try to plan my week out on Sunday evenings and for the next day either before my evening routine or after dinner) I was gifted this one from The Daily Edited a few years ago and love it. Very much worth refilling the inserts.

For meetings: I use Google Calendar that's linked to my iCal. The notes section is essential for me.

For small tasks/bills/errands: I set scheduled Reminders for the day/time I need to pay a bill, write an email, schedule something for work or life, create a reminder for something I need to take before heading out to a meeting or appointment, something I need to buy at the pharmacy, etc.

As someone who in certain ways completely embodies the stereotypical "creative" type, my brain naturally goes in a million directions at once, so streamlining everything has become an important, deliberate habit and way of life for me. People think I'm naturally organized at this point in life, so I hope this system works for someone else out there too! x

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alexfromjersey · 1 year

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𝓣𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓼 & 𝓛𝓪𝓼𝓽 𝓓𝓪𝔂𝓼

jenna ortega x g!poc

summary: it's jenna's last day in new york. jah contemplates a career move

warnings: mature language, a male

a/n: imma be honest with y’all….I lost all the creativity for this book. I was struggling to find a path for it but I found one and I hope you guys enjoy it. (Vc: sensei.klx on TikTok)

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

THE NEXT DAY

"Our baby is big as a lemon right now. At this stage, our baby's intestines and vocal cords are developing. Tiny bones are also beginning to form in the arms and legs. This is so fascinating" Jenna gushed as she leaned more into your side.

You were currently focused on the intense game of baseball as your feet were propped on your coffee table. The two of you were enjoying each other's company until Jenna had to leave for London to film Beetlejuice 2 later tonight.

"Are we going to have a baby shower?" You asked.

"Yeah just a small one though and a little more into my pregnancy, maybe when I'm around 30 weeks" Jenna answered.

You nodded at your girlfriend. Your attention is then stolen by the Yankees vs. Padres baseball game on the TV. Jenna continued looking at the information the pregnancy app provided on her phone. Suddenly, the buzzer to your apartment goes off. You go to the buzzer, "Who is it?"

"Yuh Mada" Delyse responded. You buzz your mother in and unlock the door so she can come in. You then sat back down next to Jenna. A few minutes later, Del burst into the apartment with multiple bags in her hands.

You sighed, "Ma what is all that?"

"Nothing for you, some of this is for Jenna and...maybe the baby. Anyway, Jenna since you are leaving tonight I packed you a little pregnancy kit. I got you some prenatal vitamins, ginger & peppermint for any nausea you may get, and raspberry leaves for your iron and it can increase milk production if you decide to breastfeed" Del listed off.

Jenna's heart swelled at your mother's thoughtfulness, "Thank you so much Ms. Delyse. I appreciate this."

"Oh sweetie, us mothers have to stick together and watch over one another" Del smiled at the young woman.

"Do I get anything?" You ask.

"You get a non-cranky baby mother" Del replied to you.

You playfully glare at your mother. Del handed Jenna the bag of her stuff and sat opposite the couple. The buzzer to your apartment goes off again. You groan in frustration and confusion about who it could be.

"Who is it?" You asked.

"Davis" Davis answered. You buzzed him in and sat in your spot again. Soon after, Davis walks in with a flyer in his hand.

"Hey, Ms. Del I haven't seen you in a minute. How was Jamaica?" Davis asked.

"Wonderful. I needed that vacation" Del answered.

"I feel that. I need a vacation too. I haven't been on one in months" Davis said and sat in the empty spot next to you and Jenna.

"We should plan to go to the Bahamas" You suggest.

"Oh let's do it I've always wanted to go to the Bahamas," Davis said.

You then notice the flyer in his hand, "What's that?"

"Oh, that's why I came over here. This is a music competition, winner gets a five million dollar record deal with Passion Records. I saw that Twitter video of you singing, you should sign up" Davis proposed.

"Nah I'm good" You declined.

Davis looked at you in shock, "What? Why not?"

"I don't wanna be under another label. I've done it before and it went sideways. I don't want people telling me what music to make or getting the majority of the money I worked hard for" You explained and shrugged your shoulders.

"But it can expose you to different opportunities so you can propel yourself properly in the industry. You don't have to stay under a label forever" Davis said.

You sighed, "I don't know I'll think about it."

"Well, you better think about it sooner than later. The deadline to submit your demo is in two weeks" Davis informed you and handed you the flyer.

You read over it and the information on the paper. Submission deadline ends on June 15th at 11:59 pm. Any type of music is accepted but it has to be under three minutes. Five million dollar record label with Passion Records. You heard about the label, but before signing with the local one, you tried numerous times to get a rep. to listen to your music. You never got a response from them. But now you have a chance to finally pursue your dream of being a global sensation in music. A dream you've had since you were 8 and went to your first concert.

Maybe it would be a great opportunity.

"We still going to the courts around 1?" Davis asked.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that. Sisqo owes me my $50 from the last game" You said.

"What's the courts?" Jenna questioned.

"Basketball courts around the corner from her. Me and Davis always play a pickup game with some friends from the block every Friday" You answered.

"Oh, can I come?" Jenna asked.

"Of course. You can see me whoop some ass in basketball" You smirked.

🤰🏻🩵

"Jah!" You heard Davis yell from your right. Your eyes glance at Davis who was getting pressed by his defender. You knew if you passed it to him, he was either going to lose the ball or shoot and miss. You were down by 2 and if the other team scored it was game over. You had to play smart.

You pass it to Davis but you sprinted behind him to shake your defender. You were successful and got to the corner where Davis passed it to you. You caught it and immediately shot a three. You watched as it swished in the net, winning you the game.

"Yeah, buddy!" You exclaimed excitedly.

Jenna clapped and cheered on the sidelines while you and Davis dapped each other up. She sat back down in her seat while you started talking to the other team. She was surprised she even sat through the whole basketball game. She was more into soccer than any other sport but pick-up basketball was entertaining.

"Mind if I sit here?" A soft voice brought Jenna out of her thoughts. She looked to her right and saw an angelic woman. She looked like a Disney princess.

"No, no go for it" Jenna smiled. She grabbed her book from beside her but she felt eyes burning into the side of her head. She looked and saw the woman staring at her with recognition in her eyes.

"My apologies for staring at you but I love your work. Wednesday is currently my favorite series right now. You also did your thing in the Scream movies" The woman complimented.

"Thank you so much" Jenna gave the woman another smile.

"You know I never expected to run into you in the Bronx. This is the last place I ever thought" The woman chuckled.

Jenna nervously chuckled, "Yeah...just hanging and watching some basketball."

She didn't want to deal with a fan's pressing questions. She knew she should've put her disguise on. But luckily, Jenna relaxed a little when she saw you look at the woman with recognition in her eyes. Jenna watched as you tapped Davis rapidly on his arm and pointed toward the bleachers.

"Yo Diana, I ain't know you were gon' be here" You smiled and gave her a side hug.

Davis, on the other hand, was staring at her like a lovesick puppy.

"Yeah I was just walking by and I saw the two of you. Thought I'd stop and say hello...hey Davis" Diana smiled at Davis.

"H-Hey Diana" Davis nervously waved back.

You and Jenna smirked at each other while watching. Davis is a nervous mess in front of Diana.

"Oh Jenna, this is Diana, Diana this is Jenna. The three of us went to school together along with her twin sister Stacey" You said.

At the mention of the name Stacey, jealousy flushed through her as she remembered the night of the Met Gala. The beautiful girl that was attached to your hip like glue all night, posting you any chance she got.

"How is Stacey?" You asked.

"Good. She went back to Spelman last week but she'll be back for summer break" Diana told you. You nodded, took a sip of your water, and sat in front of Jenna.

"Word? I ain't know she got into Spelman. What is she going for?" You asked.

"Major in Music and minor in Theatre & Performance. Same as me just at a different school" Diana answered.

Unconsciously, you leaned back in between Jenna's legs. She placed her head on top of yours and her arms on your shoulders.

Diana smirked, "Y'all are cute together."

"I'm cute all the time" You playfully said.

"Mhmm I don't know about that. You have your moments" Jenna commented.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa you gon' do me like that babe. That's wild" You exclaimed.

"All I said was you have your moments. We got our moments too" Jenna defended playfully. Diana let out a giggle at the two of you.

"Speaking of cute, you should holla at Davis. Don't think I don't see the way you keep glancing over at him" You smirk.

"Uh...I don't know. I just got out of a relationship, a bad one at that. I don't think I'm ready for another one just yet" Diana vacillated.

"You don't have to jump into another relationship. I'm just saying to you know talk to him and become friends. But if you don't wanna do it, that's fine I'm not gonna force you or anything" You said.

Diana glanced at Davis again who looked up this time from his bag and smiled at her. She looked down to hide the blush that appeared on her cheeks. She then went into her purse and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. She wrote her number and walked down the bleaches.

"I have to go but call me whenever you aren't busy" Diana smiled at him and placed the paper in his hands. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before walking off the court.

"I'm the best wingwoman ever aren't I" You smiled.

"Uh I've seen better" Jenna shrugged.

You suck your teeth as she laughed, "You a hater bruh."

🤰🏻🩵

"Tap, tap, and then we lock our middle fingers. End it off with a fist bump and touch thumbs" You explain to Jenna and demonstrate the handshake you guys just came up with. The two of you came back from the basketball courts and went back to Jenna's hotel room so the actress could finish packing.

"I don't want to leave" Jenna pouted as the both of you sat on the floor against her bed. It was getting closer to the time for Jenna to leave for the airport and she was having a hard time. The both of you were really, you just kept to yourself.

"You could always call me you know. No matter the time, I'll always pick up for you" You said sincerely.

Truth be told, it was nice to finally have someone around. Someone new.

“You'll pick up at any time?" Jenna questioned amused.

"Yep. I'm an insomniac so 9 times out of ten I'll be up doing absolutely nothing productive" You chuckled.

Jenna giggled, "I'm going hold you to that."

The two of them sat in a comfortable silence looking out at the sun setting sky. Neither of you uttered a word but your eyes slowly drifted to the woman next to you. The orange color bounced off her skin beautifully, making her freckles pop even more than before. You've seen your fair share of beautiful women but nothing compared to her.

"Take a picture it'll last longer" Jenna spoke softly.

You pulled your phone and quickly captured a picture of the actress.

Jenna chuckled, "No way, you actually took a picture."

"You told me too. Now, I have an exclusive picture of Jenna Ortega. Should I sell it to these paparazzi weirdos?" You joked.

"Do it. I bet you'll make a fortune" Jenna replied.

Suddenly, a ding is heard from Jenna's phone. She grabbed it from the nightstand and sighed as she looked at the person who texted her.

Nancy The Manager: we're outside

Jenna pouted as she read the message. She was hoping she got at least another hour with you but the universe didn't want to lift her spirits.

"They're here" Jenna grumbled.

You stood up from the floor and slipped on your slides. You grabbed her bags and Jenna got her airport outfit on. She checked to make sure she had everything before the two of you walked to the elevator.

After the elevator takes you to the hotel parking garage, you help place her bags in the trunk before you turn to her.

"I'm going to miss you" Jenna sniffled.

"Imma miss you too Hollywood" You pouted. The two of you hug each other tightly, not wanting to let go. But before she left, you bent down to be level with her small protruding stomach.

"Aight listen, it's just gon' be you and momma for a couple of months. You two take care of each other, if she is overworking herself, you better tell her to sit her ass down somewhere" You added, "Mama loves you and I'll be waiting here for the both of you to come back." You kiss her stomach and stand up.

"Why would you do that? Now I'm crying" Jenna cried and tried to wipe the tears from her eyes.

You chuckled, "I just to let it be known."

Jenna wiped the tears from her face and climbed into the SUV.

"Call or text whenever you land," You said.

"I will" Jenna reassured.

You then step back from the SUV. Big L climbs into the driver's side and after a moment pulls off. Jenna blew you a kiss which you caught and you waited until you couldn't see them anymore to walk to your car and eventually left the hotel.

The journey to the airport was a quiet one. Jenna was scrolling through her social media, which is rare for the girl. Music was blasting in her ears as she didn't want to engage with anyone, especially Hudson. She was still furious with the male after the stunt he pulled with her family. She didn't even spare him a glance as she got into the SUV, which stung him a little.

After almost an hour, Jenna finally arrived at Teterboro Airport. She was flying private this time and she didn't know why but she was secretly thankful that she didn't have to deal with the regular airport this time.

Everyone checked in and was walking to the private jet. It was small and nothing too extravagant which she liked. She just wanted to get from point A to point B safely.

The young actress was the first to step onto the plane but halted in her steps as she came face to face with someone she didn't want to see.

"Ah, nice to see you again Jenna. It's been a long time" Corneilo smiled at the girl.

Jenna looked behind her at Nancy and Hudson and saw the same shocked look on their faces.

"Please settle down and let's prepare for take-off," Neil said and pointed to the seat in front of him.

Jenna hesitated before slowly sitting in the seat in front of him, "You usually don't do in-person meetings."

"Yeah, but we have much to discuss. Things that couldn't be said over a video chat" Neil shrugged.

Nancy and Hudson hurriedly took a seat behind the two. Jenna was on edge, she was tense in her seat and she wanted nothing more than to be in your comfort again.

"Champagne?" Neil offered.

"No I'm good" Jenna declined.

The Cuban man nodded and down his glass of champagne before pouring himself another.

"What do we have to discuss?" Jenna asked impatiently.

Neil grinned, "I'm sure you know Jenna."

Jenna unconsciously hooked her arms around her stomach. She knew the man in front of her was unpredictable, she needed to be on guard the whole time.

"Do you remember why the court signed that paper Jenna?" Neil questioned.

"Because they wanted to keep the tradition going of a man ruling over a woman's life" Jenna retorted.

Neil let out a breathy laugh, "No...it's because you're reckless. That paper was designed to save you. Save you from the destructive road you were speeding down. The same road you found yourself back on."

Jenna didn't respond to him, just glared at him.

"20 years old and pregnant with a child by a talentless rat from the hood at the top of her career. Do you know how that makes me look? That I can't keep my clients in check because they do whatever they want to" Neil hissed.

"I care less about how it makes you look" Jenna snapped at the older man.

This makes Neil snap, at the speed of lighting he reaches over the table and grabs Jenna by her throat. Jenna tried to pull his hand away from her but was unsuccessful.

"You seem to forget who's in charge here. I'm the one in charge. I have the final say in what you can and cannot do, and who you can and cannot be with. I own you, Jenna. So when I tell you to jump, you ask how high. No sassy comeback, no attitude. Nothing." Neil snarled.

“Let her go Neil” Hudson glared at the older boy.

Neil’s eyes then snapped to Hudson. He let go of Jenna who was breathing heavily with tears running down her face. The older male then made his way to Hudson. He stopped just a breath away from him.

“Little Hudson Maverick, rich daddy’s boy that doesn’t know when to mind his business. A flaw of his that’s going to get him into some trouble in the future. How is mommy doing by the way? She still seeing that private exercise trainer on Thursdays and Saturdays during your father’s meetings?” Neil taunted the boy.

Nancy stood up from her seat, “That’s enough Corneilo.”

Neil then turned to look at the woman with a smirk on his face. He opens his mouth to say something but an alarm goes off on his watch.

“Hmph, dodge a bullet there Nancy” Neil commented. He smoothed out his suit and looked at them with a smile, "Enjoy the flight." He then left the private jet.

Once he left, Nancy slid next to Jenna. The young actress then gripped her shirt as she sobbed into her side.

a/n: y’all going to hate me…and possibly not hate me a little bit after 🙂

taglist: @grandpatrolnut @raven-ss @fanboy7794 @morganismspam23 @cinffy23 @darklron @cheesybacon1 @octavias-next-meat-bite @playboysaleen @niqmandu @zaclewiss @yescruzzzzzzz @silentfor @gemz5 @alwaysdangerouschild @onceblinkarmyandmore @melonfruit442 @zataracloud @nepobaby08 @jennasslut @rimaybank @jaewu @j3nc0re

#jenna ortega #g!p reader #jenna ortega x reader #nycxhollywood #jenna marie ortega #jenna ortega x oc #Spotify

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nem0-kn0ws-n0t · 7 months

Text

Hermit Permits- or Hermitconomics101

I would just like to start off by saying I adore the concept. It's perfect. But also, I'm a massive nerd and I wanna talk about it.This is such a fascinating little economic model. Like, the usual hermitcraft economy is already so fascinating.

Warning-Long post! Also might Slightly skew your perspective of the Gimmick.

At first Glance, the Hermitcraft economy is the epitome of a Perfect Market economy -the basic selling/buying market you think of when thinking of markets-which has a few requirements

1. Homogenous products: gunpowder from Doc's shop is the same gunpowder from Tango's or Iskall or whoever sells it

2. No barriers to entry and exit: anyone can decide to sell. The technology's there. Any hermit can decide to make a farm or manually harvest something, set up shop and sell

3. Sellers are Price takers: If say, X and False are both selling copper ingots (for example), and X prices his higher than False (and they both keep their shops stocked), Hermits will buy from False. So X has to price the same (or lower but shhhh) than False.

4. Product Transparency: If you pay 1 diamond for a stack of iron blocks, you know you're getting 1 stack of iron. (usually) no shenanigans involved

And now the interesting point->

5. Many sellers- In a perfect competition market, the market is usually saturated with sellers, to the point that everyone needs to price the same, or at exactly the cost of production (or whatever needs to be to have the last seller joining the market to have economic profit of 0 but that's real hard to count in diamonds). Usually, this is done by having many firms coming in (free market remember) and undercutting each other until it's at the point where Supply is equal to Demand (yes, exactly the graph you're thinking of). In hermits' case, rarely is there more than one shop for an item unless there is an obnoxious amount of demand for it, and often, they'll buddy up in the same shop and split the profits and the work (I'm thinking of all the wood groups) for the highly in demand items. (More on that later).

So the sellers aren't usually competing with other hermits to sell resources- they're competing with the hermits' other way of procuring resources- The Endless Grind

Think about it- The rule of thumb for establishing the scope of a market (and its competition) is to ask yourself- where do I go if the shop becomes too expensive? In our real-life situation, we go to other shops- hermits just roll up their pixilated sleeves and get to work themselves. They are the alternative. (or Lag but stealing throws off all economic models so we're assuming it doesn't exist.)

A hermit shop, to have sales, needs to price its resources low enough that other hermits will see it as a better (cheaper) alternative than acquiring it themselves.

But Nemo, I hear you ask, isn't it always going to be cheaper to collect the material themselves? All the hermits already have all the tools/technology they'd need to get the resources they'd want, so shops wouldn't work.

But they do work, every season hermits "get rich" which implies there's something "wrong" with my model, which there is.

It's Time. That's the main currency in Hermitcraft.

Any hermits can decide to get any amount of resources with no real limit except Time. Sure, some hermits are more likely to build farms and have it done quicker than others, but all of them can decide to pick up a tool and just grind away (which they do, often). The point of the shops is to be convenient. You could spend 3 hours getting 15 stacks of oak wood, but you could also drop 30 diamonds at Ren's shop and get that done in less than a minute. Which, when you're a content creator on a tight deadline, already spending hours upon hours just building and editing and living outside of work, time is precious. So Time is the real trading currency on HC.

And so there comes a wrench in the plan as you have 2 "types" of goods- you have the Sellers' resources (that cost you diamonds but less time) and your own resources (which cost you Time but fewer diamonds)

Which invalidates point 3. Price Takers- There are 2 very different prices, which you are willing to pay at different times to different degrees. Somedays, they grind somedays they pay.

And thus, there goes the perfect competition model-

~~And in comes Monopolistic competition.

Now, listen to me, this is crucial ish- this is not the same as a Monopoly.

Monopolies imply there is 1 seller. 1. there is 1 way of acquiring the good (at this point in time) (everything is taken as if time is held constant). YouTube has a monopoly on hermitcraft videos (kind of). You can't watch Hermitcraft videos anywhere else, as the hermits don't upload their videos on other websites. If YouTube started charging 10000$ per video watched, you probably wouldn't watch hermit videos anymore. That's a monopoly.

Monopolistic competition is when a few firms sell slightly different products. Think Pepsi and Coca-Cola. They're functionally the same thing (don't @/me for this), but they both still work as companies, because people tend to prefer one over the other.

And thus our model. A monopolistic competitive market.

The real competition was not store vs store (unless for the bit), it was Sellers vs the Grind.

(There are also sunk cost fallacies exhibited, when hermits make their own farms for materials they know they'll need a lot of, which then reduces the time spent, especially with AFK'ing, thus the active time spent being reduced but server time still fluctuating but that can be hermitconomics 102 lmao)

But Back to this season-

With the introduction of Hermit Permits (which, is such a fun term, I wouldn't be surprised if they came up with that first before the concept) they are forcing there to be a single official seller. But hermits are still able to collect their own resources and make their own farms. So the market stays the same.

Which is probably not what you were expecting was it. All this fanfare but theoretically, the model doesn't change. It might change the point at which a hermits decides it's better to grind it out instead of spending diamonds, but not the theory.

But here's the second hole in this theory.

One of the first assumptions one makes about any market model is that everyone involved wants to maximize profits. (which irl, is making the most money).

But the same was as the real currency is Time, the real Profit for Hermits is Content (and engagement, and a whole bunch of parasocial scales to do with audience retention but I'm an economic major, not a sociology or business student damn it, we'll stick with Content) .

Theoretically, nothing changes in the economic model, but the result changes. The potential to change things up is massive, simply because they at least superficially changed something. Rebranding something, in a way that shakes up previously established norms- That's what they're getting out of it. Forcing people to do content about things they normally wouldn't even touch, which inspires viewers to be invested, so see our favourite blorbos overcome the challenge. It's a narrative device.

(If anything, I'd expect this to actually "promote the economy" as hermits would be motivated to stock up their shops, thus making more farms/farm building episodes, or the competition occurring from additional permits being circulated.)

So yeah. Hermitconomics 101- The not-so-perfect competition. Sorry If I burst some bubbles, I just think it's fascinating.

Thanks for reading to the bottom!

TL:DR :This is gonna be so fun, and the hermit economy makes economists everywhere cry

#hermitcraft #hermitcraft season 10 #hermitcraft s10 #hermitcraft s10 spoilers #hermitblr #hermitconomics #killing the bit #I'm way too excited #hyperfixation goes brrrr #hermit permits #hc s10 spoilers #hc10 #hc s10

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tossawary · 7 months

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I think SVSSS as a 2D cartoon would be the best moving medium for it imo.

I mean, personally, yeah, that's how I'd enjoy seeing it as well! My ideal slightly pretentiously artsy SVSSS screen adaptation would probably look only a little more detailed than linograph prints (2D or shaded 3D?) (someone hit me up in like two weeks to draw an example of what I mean, if I don't remember on my own, I don't have access to art stuff right now), very stylized and vibrantly colorful, because that's one of the art styles that I particularly enjoy.

I'm not a personally a fan of the 3D SVSSS show because I find the characters a little too doll-like and same-facey for my tastes? It's fine! It works! It's serviceable! It's just all, backgrounds included, a little... safe? I tend to like over-the-top bright colors and intricate details and impractically weird shapes and yet also coherent world production design in my fantasy, which is a lot to demand of any production, perhaps especially with animation productions, which are always squeezed for time and money.

(EDIT: I know the SVSSS show was under heavy constraints and the results are impressive considering their resources; it doesn't change the fact that I just don't like the art style and nevertheless find the results underwhelming. I don't like a lot of "realistic" modeling / rendering styles, not just "anime" ones, even if they are extremely technically impressive. Believe me when I say that I know the vast majority of the entertainment industry is overworked and underpaid and creatively restrained.)

Slightly tangential general note: I don't think 2D is inherently superior to 3D (EDIT: NOT trying to imply asker is saying this, just having some general thoughts), especially because, with the realities of production, each have their advantages. 2D has a lot of stylistic advantages still, but 3D shaders are catching up and doing some incredible things these days! More advanced puppet controls and particle effects and such are doing some beautiful things for 2D shows as well these days. A lot of stuff has been subtly mixed media as soon as 3D became possible. It is potentially possible (note: not saying any studio would actually greenlight this) to do an equally slightly weird and artistically stunning 3D SVSSS show, given the freedom to work. (Good boarding and writing is also sooooo important in both mediums, obviously, it's not just about the art design. You can get away with incredibly limited animation with good boarding, writing, and art design.)

Another slightly tangential ramble: both 2D and 3D have the potential for stiff animation and poor character acting, which also comes down to production limits and animator skills? (I often think of character animators as a type of actor!) There are a lot of 2D shows that I don't really like because I find the animation incredibly stiff, both puppet and handdrawn (there's great 2D puppet stuff out there these days), which pretty much always comes down to production limits (deadlines and budget and software, saving up their animation for the coolest scenes). One of my favorite things about Studio Ghibli films (which as features get a lot more space to focus on art compared to the demands and restraint of television) has always been the squash and stretch in otherwise relatively realistic action, making things like hugs look SO nice for example. But 3D stuff is getting better at that these days! The ways characters slumped into each other in "Nimona" for example was great. And it's just fascinating to look at the elasticity / stylized sculpt of expressions in "Puss in Boots: The Last Wish" compared to the technical limits of the models / rigs in "Shrek" or "Shrek 2".

Adding these side notes because I want to be clear about my respect for both 2D and 3D artistically! A lot of video games are doing cool stuff in 3D that looks very close to 2D with stylized shaders, which you can sometimes spot by the large or small rotations in character action / acting, which is difficult (and therefore often expensive) to do in 2D with all of those extra drawings / angle poses. Also, I think the current push towards funky shaders in 3D is so cool and it's hard not to gush about them!!!

#foreverliminal #tossawary svsss #ask tossawary #long post #tossawary watching

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ramblingsfromthytruly · 28 days

Text

the pages are turning~

a months old pic of my desk

29th august 2024

day 4/50 - productivity challenge

🕒 6:00 a.m.

sleep deprivation is hitting. eating leftovers and coffee for breakfast.

checked notifs

actually ate some goddamn breakfast

not me realizing that i barely eat 2 meals every school day..

revised psychology: ch-1: what is psychology

here's a (self) reminder to actually go study instead of procrastinating 30 mins by watching study motivation videos.

also i recommend listening to non-lyrical music while studying. i personally listen to classical piano music. this is what i was listening to today morning.

showered

morning skincare

extended duolingo streak

aaand off to school. thought i would be late but honestly i've been reaching at the correct time all these days. if i leave my house by 8:05 then i'm good.

at school i first had physics and then 2 continuous chemistry classes (the teacher is good but her classes are so draining ugh).

completed physics classwork (the stuff i missed when i was absent on tuesday)

did the OCEAN test in psychology class! idk why but i love personality tests. i'll discuss my results with my teacher tmr hopefully but what i gathered is that i'm an ambivert leaning to introversion and ok emotional regulation & stability. my other classmate was very much an extrovert with higher tendency to take others' words to heart. we bunked the last 2 english classes together in the library lol. also want to say that i'm so ashamed for having formed an image in my mind of her, without really knowing her that well. i cruelly judged her prematurely and though we didn't really talk about our lives and stuff, we did get closer (maybe even friends?) today and i regret my judgments. ik i would be crushed if someone thought up an image of me in their head like that and i try not to do the same but sometimes i make mistakes. i'm trying to be more aware of that.

studied psychology ch-6: human memory (in the library when i skipped english)

lightly rained the entire trip home and got much louder as i ate a hearty lunch 😋

started a word doc for biology investigatory project

started a word doc for chemistry investigatory project

me and my bestfriend have been much more honest with our feelings recently. the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder" was actually made for us. she's in a new college all popular with new pretty friends and boys probably crushing on her and she says i'm her favourite person. i'm at a new school slowly making new friends and she's my favourite person. i told her i love her. she deserves to know that. and i meant it totally platonically and that doesn't make it any less. if anyone ever asks, "who's your first love?" i'll say her name. it'll always be her.

practiced playing keyboard 🎹

read newspaper 📰 (some of those cases make me feel sick)

post for studyblr weekly prompt

dinner. yum. noodles and cake.

made notes psychology ch-1: what is psychology?

night skincare

🕒 nope! pulled an all-nighter.. yes i have school tmr 😃 listen i do not recommend doing this shit at all. why did i do it you may ask? i don't really have any crushing deadlines as such, but i've tricked my mind into thinking my own plans are deadlines. this week my sleep has been astronomically fucked up. the weekend will be a reset (i have school on saturday 😭) and i will prioritze sleep. i need to at least manage 6-7 hours everyday.

edit: actually i fell asleep around 2 a.m. and did no other studying..

🎧 i love you, i'm sorry by gracie abrams

her songs are actually just excerpts from my journal but minus the romance unfortunately like where's my gf ugh we're wasting time

a months old pic of my desk

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ffruitsalad · 8 months

Text

Fable SMP Commission Experience 7/7 + Bonus Images!

In this section, I'll be sharing sketches from what I call "Scene 6: Finale," which includes the moment Centross looks up at Fable up to the conclusion. Also included are some thank yous and some bonus images!

"Centross smiles at Fable. Centross pulls Fable close into a hug, stabbing through Centross' heart. Centross looks up across the cave."

In the colored version, I believe John was the one who added some purple in the eyes of Centross looking up! Very nice touch! It makes Centross look more like the one in control of how the fight will go.

When Centross gets impaled by the sword, I wanted to make sure to get a good shot of it going though his chest with some blood on the blade, especially the dribbling bits.

"The reaver is flung spinning across the cave towards both of them. It impales through Fable. A golden light glows around Fable and is sucked into the reaver. Blood begins to ooze from Fable’s wound for the first time ever. He is stripped of his immortality."

This is the big one! I was trying to figure out how best to portray the light absorbed by the Reaver. I settled for a crackling energy, kind of like Zeus and his lightning bolts!

In the final, I emphasized the impact of the Reaver through Fable with blood spurting from his mouth. His body is hazy near his waist because I wanted to show that the borders of his physical body were beginning to dissolve.

I'm not sure if this was an intentional part on the writers' ends, but I'm a big fan of how this scene is a direct contrast to Centross and the souls! The contrast between purple energy being given vs yellow energy being taken...cinema.

In the final, I snuck in a hazy image of a skull on the Reaver's gem as a little bit of a treat!

"Centross headbutts Fable, who falls backwards, stunned. Centross shakily stands to his feet..."

An unused close-up of a teary, bloody, sweaty Fable. He has been undone! He's never had to keep track of so many fluids before!

It completely slipped my mind to draw in the headbutt scene, so I mostly worked it in digital.

"A loud heart thumps as part of Centross becomes stardust... More of him becomes stardust..."

The doodles are a bit lackluster, but I knew that I wanted this sequences to be very colorful and luminescent with a hazy brush. The scene transitions back to the smooth brush in order to show that the action has mostly calmed down.

"He looks towards Icarus... He turns to Fable."

For the frame Icarus is in, I wanted to make sure to emphasize his distress, confusion, and sadness. Lots of tears and furrowed brows.

For the frame Fable is in, I wanted to emphasize the loss of his immortality and pride. He's on the floor, nursing a new wound and drained of power and life.

"His body is almost fully stardust...Blackness...Centross’ eyes flutter open, glowing violet irises and pitch black scleras."

His face was not at all legible in the sketch. I wanted his eyes to look like they were beginning to close, but it wasn't reading well in digital. I'm much happier with the final product.

Although Centross is inhabiting a void, I still wanted there to be a sense of space and emptiness, so I layered some thick black brushstrokes in an overlapping pattern in the final.

Last Words:

I understand that these past few posts have been very lengthy! I don't expect anyone to read ALL of my notes (but if you did, holy smokes, many thanks). These are just mostly here for me to practice explaining my creative choices.

This project had a pretty tight deadline (a little under a month), but I feel like our team was very efficient and responsible about getting the work done in time! A little pressure goes a long way.

I'm thinking of opening up commissions or a small print shop in the future! I'll be sure to make an announcement for when that happens.

I'm very open to any future Fable SMP projects or collaborations! You guys are all very lovely and creative, and I always like hearing about new projects.

And now, some thanks!

Thank you to Centross for the opportunity to create this cutscene! It was really fun showing you my sketches and getting your feedback on them. This project really helped me flex my art muscles, and I'm grateful to have met you and become friends!

Thank you to @strawberripine for keeping me company in the wee hours of the night as I was trying to finalize in digital! Your presence helped me to keep focus and not sweat about the small stuff!

Thank you to @sherbertquake56 for editing the scenes into a finalized product! It was really cool to see how the visuals and audio flowed together!

Thank you to @johnyyyyyboy, who put in a ton of work on backgrounds and lighting! It really helped to elevate all the action that was occurring!

Thank you to the Fable cast members for the kind words of support throughout the process! You all are a lovely creative bunch, and I'm sorry that when I met some of you in person, I was having a bit of trouble engaging in conversation!

Last but not least, thank you to the Fable SMP audience for enjoying the cutscene! A lot of work was put into it, and it was very gratifying to see everyone's reactions in real time! You all have a nice community, and it's so cool to see everyone's cosplays, fanart, fanfiction, etc.

Until the next time I crawl out from my cave,

Fruit 💙

#drawing #sketch #fruitsart #fable smp #fsmp #centross #fruitchat #mcyt #icarus morningstar #rae morningstar

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stonemags · 1 year

Text

stonemags

SUGAR BABY AU

Ch.7 Fend off

Characters in this series: Reader, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Carol Danvers, Darcy Lewis, Maria Hill, Kate Bishop, Pepper Potts, Valkyrie, Shuri

Summary: You are trying to be a good friend, helping people that are closest to you to let go of their past. They take priority and even if you get hurt during the process, you need to keep them protected. Who will protect you? Will you let them?

Warnings: age gap relationships, sugar mommy/sugar baby relationships, swearing, fighting, blood, being hurt, arguments, mensplaning, all story is gonna be +18, you are responsible for your own ass.

Word count: 6913

A/N: This chapter is the last one before a longer break, im not sure when i will post next one, but it will come. Thank you to all for the support it wouldn't be the same without you. I hope you will enjoy this chapter.

Previous chapter

You just woke up, but you can already feel the tension in your shoulders. It was a hard week for you, work, school even Wanda and Nat made days difficult for you. Everybody expects something from you, deadlines are not being kind, and everything is piling up in the exhausting hill of responsibilities. You feel yourself sinking recently and if it wasn't for your whole future at the line, you would probably stay in bed for the next two weeks. Recently even thoughts about your future were too heavy, usually working as a motivator, now they are making you feel like you're at a gunpoint.

You didn't have to wake up with the sun today, after working till three am at the bar you needed that rest and thankfully everybody made sure not to bother you. You get up from the bed and immediately make it, so you can start your day not feeling guilty about having a mess around you or not being productive. It doesn't happen often but you actually plan on resting today. You put some music on and after meditating and giving offerings you hear a light knock at your door.

“Hey.” Darcy stands in a doorway, two coffees in her hands. She always looks out for you, even in those small ways, and to be honest you do feel special. She would never do coffee for Maria or Kate.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, everythings okay.” She sits down on your bed, and sets the coffee on the side table. You decide that freaking out about the stains right now is not a good idea. You will deal with it later. To your surprise Darcy is ahead of you and she gets up and grabs coasters and your meds, she hands them to you with your coffee.

“Thanks.” She nods and sits down at the previous spot.

“Do you want to talk about your date?” You don't, you know she cares and that's where it's coming from, there is still anger lingering at the back of your head, that she set you up like this.

“I- '' She looks puzzled, like she can't place exactly how to put into words feelings she has, but you understand.

“I know.”

“I was worried that you wouldn't agree to go. I should’ve handled it better, done it differently. To be completely honest, after we dropped you off I had been scolded by Carol already.” She laughs and you can't help but join her. You take a sip of your coffee, happily making yourself believe that it will wake your brain up more, and let her continue.

“It wasn't nice. I'm sorry, I don’t want to act that way towards you.”

“Thank you, I appreciate you being honest. I was mad, yes, even now I still am a little bit, but it’s going to pass. I'm just happy to be done with this.”

“They called Carol after that night, and they didn't sound happy. She didn't tell me anything, at least not that much, but… Yn, what happened?” you don't want to get into it, but Darcy is your friend, she is on your side, and you want her to feel included.

“Shuri called me in the middle of our dinner. I had to pick up Junior, it was an emergency. There was no taxi, no uber, nothing and this restaurant was so far away.”

“Yeah, again sorry about it.” Darcy scratches the back of her head, trying to ease down the nerves.

“They gave me a ride, and then we went to the theme park with Junior.”

“It doesn't sound so bad.” She is confused, but at the same time she knows that nothing with you is just simply… simple.

“It wouldn't be if I had any say in that. Darcy I had so much work I did not sleep the night after that. I agreed on extra work, i didnt had any food other that a fucking corn dog with junior that day, and nobody asked me about my opinion.” You start pacing around the room, you always talk with your arms and the more agitated you are the more they are working.

“Did you tell them that?”

“Yes I did. After the little family trip of course, I'm not a monster. I couldn't do that to Junior.” She nods in understanding. You both spend 20 more minutes chatting about everything that happens, while you clean your room. You will always happily use a body double to make yourself more productive, and it's so much easier with someone actually next to you. After a nice morning together and more cleaning around the apartment, Darcy told you that Kate asked you to call her and that it was rather important so you called right away.

“Hey sweetie, you wanted me to call?... Yes ... mhm … no problem i got this, don't even worry about it, I’ll text you after everything … I’m always careful … Yes, I love you too.” You finished your phone call, and as you were sitting in the kitchen Maria could hear everything. She just finished cleaning the dishes after herself, knowing how much you hate, when one of them leaves something in the sink, after you cleaned the whole kitchen. They are really helpful with your hyperfixations.

“What the bitch wanted?” You roll your eyes at the name that she used for Kate.

“Be nice. She asked me if I could pick her things up from Val, she left some clothes in her godless danger zone cave.” You answer by not taking your eyes off your phone, already looking for the bus and metro schedule.

“Oh, that should be fun.” Maria goes around the kitchen island and leans her back on it, right next to where you sit. You found that about her pretty early, how flirty and cocky she is, once she feels comfortable with someone. It takes a while, but once she gets to know you, you would never say that she was shy at first. She is touchy, her love language always makes her try to be close to all of you. Some people find it confusing, but you learn at some point. Her smugness it's a part of your daily life and you enjoy the entertainment.

“Yeah.. you are not going.” You get off the stool and start walking into your room to grab your bag. Your backpack is something you can’t leave the house without, you have a lot of useful things in it, which some of your friends find weird. There was always this sense of journey in you, or maybe running away actually, but this feeling made you always prepare to leave. Your backpack is always ready to help you survive if there is a need for you to.. well you aren’t sure what, but whatever that feeling means, you want to be ready. You have first aid there, a knife, dry pack meals which are not the worst and saved you a couple of times, along with unused metro and bus tickets, just in case and some rope. Sounds like a serial killer pack but all of the things were useful more times than you thought they would.

You put your shoes on, take your hat and dark jacket off the hook, and as you leave the apartment Maria comes running out of her room.

“Maria you’re not going.”

“Shut up, we have a bus in 10 minutes, come on.” She put her vintage 90s style jacket on and went out leaving you to close the door. She also learned a lot about you, and how discussing anything with you and trying to convince you of something is usually a waste of time. You respect that and her, the way she talks to you makes you feel safe with her, you know what to expect, there are no games, no double meaning under any words, no malice or anger behind anything. She lays things on the table and you feel safe with honesty. You don't fight her, you close the heavy door, almost tripping over the shoes again on your way out and follow Maria to the bus stop.

Drive took both of you not more then 20 minutes, Valkyrie lives in one of her friends houses from what you know. There have been a couple of times when you were picking Kate up from there but you never went in, for Val it was an issue itself that you are even in the neighborhood. From what you noticed from the outside there is a flag in the window, which is a red flag itself, cigarette buds pretending to be flowers in the garden and broken mailbox in front. Overall a very welcoming environment. You come up to her door and knock hard on the surface, trying to make sure she will hear you over the loud techno music. You feel nauseous, and you know that will not be an easy pick up, but you would do everything for Kate, even put yourself in dangerous situations so she doesn't have to. You hear screaming coming from the inside, someone yelling over music to open the door. Maria is right behind you, she grabs the right part of your open jacket, which is exactly why you didn't want to bring her with you. In situations like that it's hard enough for you to make sure you are going to be okay, and as sad as it is, anyone coming with you as a support is just an additional responsibility to you. Doors open with unnecessary force. In front of you there is Valkyrie, drunk out of her mind, in the middle of the week, before noon. To be honest if someone would ask you to describe her that's exactly what you would say.

“The fuck you want?” Off to a great start.

“Don't make it harder for yourself, give me Kate’s things back and we will be out of here.” She scoffs at you and spits on the ground. That's a comedy behavior and if you wouldn't fear things escalating because of Maria, you would already have a good laugh. Val comes out of the doorway and invades your personal space, trying to dominate you as she is always tired when you meet with her. It was an interesting battle and you were enjoying playing this game with her, till one day when you overheard how much unnecessary shit Kate had to hear from Val after that. She was always jealous of how close you were to Kate, and since that day you tried to be … less with Kate, when her girlfriend was around. You can smell the horrible alcoholic odor coming from Val, since Kate broke up with her it seems like she fell even lower, you didn't think it was possible. You stand your ground not letting any fear get to you, but Maria takes two steps back, not really enjoying the fact that she had to let go of you.

“Tell this slut-'' keep your cool yn, don't kill her, you promised Kate to be as civil as you can “-that if she wants anything back, she needs to come for it herself. I will make sure that she will have a really nice time with me, time she will remember for a long time.Whore likes it rough, but you should know something about it right Yn?” Valkyrie pushes you to the ground taking you off guard and she closes the door behind her, laughing. You get up and straighten your clothes, you can feel your facade breaking, almost as you can hear the sounds of cracks in your patience.You can feel your heart beating in every single vain, your teeth are clenched together, tha same as your fists. You never felt so angry in your life, at least you don't think you did. You never felt so angry at someone and yourself, that you let this relationship go for so long, you recall all those moments when you thought that Kate was silently screaming for help, and you weren't listening. At least this, now, in this moment, you can and will make it right. Maria comes up to you and touches your shoulder bringing you back out of your head.

“Yn-” she grabs your clenched hand “-your knuckles are white.” That's just a second of making a decision, at this moment you knew what it's going to take to make this end, to set Kate free, and you were ready for it the moment you left your apartment.

“They’re about to get red.” The force of opening and shutting doors behind you makes Maria jump. She stands outside wondering if she should follow after you, she hears the music abruptly stop and then shouting. She takes two steps towards the door and as she is about to put her hand on the cold handle she hears the sounds of fighting, something breaks, sounds of glass shattering hurt her ears. Her eyes get teary and she doesn't know what to do. She won't be able to physically help you, and she knows for sure Val wasn't alone in the house. She stands in the yard and takes out her phone, trying to pick up Pepper's number with shaking hands. She immediately picks her eyes up at the door at the squeaky sound of opening. You come out and really slowly close the door behind you, one hand on the handle and second one holding a bag. Contrast between you entering and exiting the house is making Maria question if the first one even happened. The first thing your friend notices is that your knuckles are actually red, but so is your face and your shirt. She comes to you really fast trying to take a better look at your face.

“Jesus Christ Yn! Are you okay?” She lifts her hand and you grab her wrist stopping her. You lift your head up, letting her take a good look at you.

“Let’s go, we are walking home.” She doesn't question you, she just grabs the bag from your hand. Maria doesn't comment on your busted upper lip, or greenish bruise appearing under your left eye, or the cut on your right eyebrow that drowns your vision with blood, or even the way you hold your ribcage. She listens to you, but at the same time being so worried about the state you are in she texts Pepper what happened, hoping that she will know what to do and how to help you. You are irritated with your clothes getting dirty and splitting one of your knuckles open. You don't feel pain, you feel satisfaction that you finally got something done, that you finally stood up for someone you love, adrenaline still kicking in keeping you painless, it's a good feeling, probably too good, but that's something you will worry about later.

On your way home Maria got information from Pepper to just bring you back and everything will be taken care of. You two are one street away from your apartment complex and both of you recognise Peppers car standing on the street. Not really feeling like talking, you tell Maria that you will just head upstairs and take a bath, maybe try to get rid of this already dried out blood from your face.

“Yn, you look like hell.” You are highly aware of that and Pepper’s comment is really unnecessary.

“Kate finished her job earlier today. I picked her up. I was planning on picking up Maria too and taking those beautiful girls somewhere out to eat.”

“Cool, have a nice time.” You can’t tell if that was addressed to you or Maria, or if Pepper was asking your permission, but your face hurts and you just want to go upstairs.

“I'm sorry I can’t leave Yn alone.”

“Yes you can. Go have fun.” You send Maria a smile forgetting how painful it is for you right now to use any face muscles.

“But-”

“Precious, Yn is right, also I don't think that she wants Kate to see her this way, am I right?”

“Very, I’ll be okay, have fun.” You give your friend a short hug and leave with Kate's bag. Pepper’s comment is right, you wouldn’t want any of your friends to see you this way, that's why you didn't want Maria to go with you in the first place, but you can't help feeling slightly hurt by that. Maybe it’s better for you to be left alone right now, coming up the stairs you worry about Darcy's reaction, she will for sure yell at you for being reckless.

You enter the apartment and set Kate’s bag in the washroom to immediately wash everything that it contains. You walk around the apartment only to find out that you are alone.

“Well, for the better i guess.” Talking to yourself is a normal thing, saying out loud a plan for the day, concerns or just letting your thoughts flow outside, airing out your head is something you enjoy with your loneliness. You are happy to be alone, nobody will see you being hurt, nobody will worry, take care of you or freak out at Val. You don't need that, just you and your solitude is enough.

You go to the bathroom and start undressing, a big mirror on the side wall allows you to see all of your injuries. Bruise is purple by now, and your face is covered in red, you are not surprised that Pepper had this disgusted look on her face. You slowly take your shirt off along with your bra, and just then you can see how dark is your right rib cage. Valkyrie took advantage of this one movement when you stumbled on something and fell in her house. She managed to deliver one kick onto your chest,at least you turned to the side in time and swept her off her feet. You would be happy to say that she looks worse than you, but you can’t, you promised Kate, so you protected yourself just as necessary. It doesn't matter how much you want to see her in pain, suffering for everything she has done. Val didn't have an easy life, but that doesnt give her a right to ruin others.

You decided on taking a warm shower and then getting some numbing ointment along with some food into your system. You are not sure if you had breakfast today, and your stomach is starting to hurt. You leave the foggy bathroom, covered in your towel and go straight into the kitchen. You start looking through the cabinets for a first aid box you have in the apartment, unaware of someone sitting in the living room.

“Need help Yn?” You jump at the sound of Natashas voice and a box with medicine falls to the ground spilling everything out. You hang your head low, without even turning around to make sure your towel stays secured around your chest and take two deep breaths. You hear Nat and Wanda get up and move closer to you. You turn around and to their surprise you are in much worse condition than they imagined when Pepper called them. Your face swells a little bit around your one eye, blood luckily only slowly going out of your lips and brow, but you have to still make sure to wipe it once in a while. Wanda covers her mouth with a shocked expression on her face, while Natasha looks just.. angry, but you can't tell if thats because of how you look or if that's just her face, to be fair she is always kind of angry. You don't have energy to play their game, to discuss, talk, talking hurts, you want them gone.

“Pepper called us.” Ah that explains it.

“Great, she is not here. I'll Let you know when she will come back.” You don't even try to pick up the box, you leave the kitchen and go to your room, aware of your half naked situation. You need to put some sweats on, and take care of yourself. It takes you just a couple of minutes and you are hoping that they are gone by now. You are going back into the kitchen and to your surprise they are sitting by the island, drinking tea and right next to them there is a third mug, yours green one.

“Yn, how are you feeling?” Wanda is concerned but you don't own her nothing, so you stay silent.

“Look-” she gets up from her seat to approach you by the fridge, you need to eat something.

“-I know you are not really fond of us-” You scoff at that under your nose, and you regret it immediately, when sharp pain goes straight into your head. Adrenaline is gone and you can feel everything now. You grab the side of your head trying to keep it at bay. “-but we want to help… let us help.” You think about it, you are tired but in too much pain to go to sleep. They picked the medicine up but you still have to look through it to find the right kind and ointment. Even thinking hurts now.

“Yn, can you please sit down?” Natasha’s voice is soft, you never hear her speak in this way, maybe once, just once when at Carol's party you caught one moment when Natasha and Wanda were alone. The way they were with each other, spoke to each other, praised each other, this is the voice Natasha used. You are not really sure what's the reason, maybe you are too tired for that right now, but you listen. You drag yourself into the living room and sit down slowly on the couch. Natasha is immediately next to you with a cup of tea and Wanda on the other side holding painkillers, a sandwich and numbing ointment, almost like they read your mind.

“Darcy told us what you might need, she called and also asked us to apologize that she is not here. Carol took her on a business trip and she will be back in two days.” You nod at the information, warming up because of the tea or maybe the fact that wherever Darcy is she has your back.

You take your painkillers, eat a surprisingly good sandwich and the last thing you need to do is use the ointment.

“Thank you for your help.” You make a move to take it from Wanda's hand but she moves it out of your reach.

“Let me.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Just no. Leave it okay?” You try to grab it again and in that moment Natasha puts her hand on the side of your body, just to try and get your attention, talk you out of being so stubborn, but she doesn't know about your ribcage. The moment her palm lands on your shirt, the sharp pain follows through your whole body, you scream a little not being able to contain your reaction in time. They both look scared while you bend down in half, trying to breathe normally and stop crying. You can’t hold it in, you try by biting your lip, which reminds you that it's still bleeding and the bite really didn't help. You get up, out of their reach, you stand in front of them, looking and feeling like a mess.

“Please just… leave. I'm going to be okay, I’ll handle it, just give me that and leave.” You clench your jaw like your life depends on it. Your tears are mixing with the blood coming out of your lip. Wanda makes sure to stand up slowly, treating you like you are about to break down, crumble into pieces and nothing makes you more pissed than this pity look in her eyes. She wants to say something, not really sure what, but her wife is faster.

“Lift up your shirt.”

“Pervert.”

“Yn.. this-” she points at you and moves her hand around “- all of this,as much as it's cute and admirable, it's pissing me off. You really think this is just about you?” You want to argue back, make your statement, not back down, you are just not sure if you have enough energy for that.

“No Yn, it's not. What do you think Kate will feel, after seeing her friend suffer because of her. And yes I know she didn't do it, but you fought for her, you really think she wont feel responsible for that?” You stay silent, feeling like a kid being scolded, you feel your chin getting wet with blood and tears. Your ribcage still hurts and makes it hard for you to breathe. You are ready for Natasha to start screaming at you, but she just let her wife take over.

“I'm going to lift your shirt up okay?” You don't fight them, you let her. She slowly lifts up your right side of the shirt revealing dark purple and pink bruises, covering at least three or four of your ribs.

“Oh..yn.” You look at Wanda and you see one tear falling down her cheek. You cover yourself up fast and take two steps back to put some distance between you two.

“Satisfied?” Natasha looks sad, and disappointed. You can't read them and that's the most frustrating thing for you.

“We have a personal doctor, she works for us and has a monthly payment, doesn't matter if she works or not. I called her and she will be here in thirty minutes. Will you please let her take a look at your ribs and face? I promise it won’t cost us anything” She is actually waiting for your answer, you look between them. Wanda with the ointment in her hands holding it so tightly, Natasha with a phone in her hand and this terribly worried look on her face. Another sharp pain goes straight into your head, you bend down to try and not react too much to it, but they can see.

“Yes…I…yes, please.” Natasha nods at you and you leave the room, uncomfortable with the situation, you decide to wait for the doctor in your bedroom.

It takes 40 minutes for the doctor to get to the apartment. At this point you took two more painkillers you had in your room, and you tried to just lie down in a way that hurts the least. You didn't check on Nat or Wanda, they can take care of themselves and as much as you would like to care even a little, the state you are in is hard to do so. Kate and Maria called you to check up on you. Of course Maria told everybody everything. You managed to pull some strength out of yourself to sound well, like you are doing okay ish at least. Seems like they bought it, you don't need them to worry more then they do already. Wanda came to your room to ask if the doctor could come in, you thought she would try to stay with the both of you but fortunately she left and gave you some space. Doctor said that it would be good to do xr-ay of your ribs but they don't seem broken, just really bruised. She stitched your eyebrow and said that your lip will heal on itself, you are relieved that you don't have to go to the hospital, that would probably ruin you financially.

After the meeting with the doctor you walk her out of the apartment making sure she wouldn't start talking about your state with Wanda and Natasha. Apologizing for the mess at the entrance you thank her and close the door behind her, wishing her a nice rest of her day. You are facing two issues now. First you need to get rid of both women from your apartment and get ready for your shift at the bar. You are not really sure how you will manage, but you have to somehow. You feel presence behind you and you are not ready for questioning, you are not ready for anything right now.

“What did she say?” Natasha is holding Wanda's hand tightly, trying to calm her down a bit.

“I'm healthy as a horse.” She just rolls your eyes and that somehow makes you feel bad.

“I'm sorry, first I really appreciate your help with all that, it means a lot. She said that I should be okay with my ribs, she stitched my eyebrow and lips should heal on their own.” Wanda reaches out with her hand. Very lightly she touches the area around your eyebrow, soft palm is feeling cold on your heated face. You don't know why but you let her get a closer look at your face, Natasha grabs your chin and picks it up slowly to take a better look at your lip. As she lets go her thumb touches the corner of your lips, and you feel her touch linger there even after her hands return to her side. It's hard to explain what's happening with you, pain mixing with the feeling of comfort, hurt mixing with soft touches, that's too much for today, or for the whole month, it's hard to tell, but you start crying out of nowhere. Silent tears escaping through closed eyelids, too afraid of what your eyes might be saying right now. You feel Wanda's hand touch the side of your head, lightly playing with your hair. Normally you would find it awkward. Silently standing at the entrance of the house, nobody is speaking, your eyes are closed and your fist clenched. You feel yourself lean your head in the direction of Wanda’s hand. The sound of your phone ringing brakes whatever was just happening between all of you and you open your eyes, looking scared and embarrassed.

“I need to pick it up. I'm sorry.” They follow after you into the living room. You look at your phone and the caller id makes your body shiver.

“What?” You start pacing around, you feel the eyes of both women follow your moves and you are making sure to stay extra careful with how you speak.

“No…Yes, at the end of the week.” You look at them sitting at the kitchen island, not even pretending that they are not listening.

“That's too much… I need to pay for school this month…No…Well, fuck you back… Listen, you take this or nothing at all, goodbye.” You hang up your phone and grab the side of your head, feeling the pain creeping up your lower back, coming from the tips of your fingers that hold the phone, through your spine into the top of your head. It's sharp but a little less after numbing yourself with pills. Your phone rings again and you are not having it today.

“WHAT?!” You regret not looking at your phone this time. “Shit, Steve, I'm sorry. Yeah my shift starts at six.” That makes Natasha stand up

from her chair. She is looking at you as you just said the dumbest thing she ever heard. “Yeah I understand but you know, Darcy can be dramatic. It’s not that bad… No! Listen, I need the money, okay? Don't ask Bucky, I'll be there.” He starts arguing, telling you how dangerous it can be for you, telling you that you might have concussion, or just some head trauma, that he can lend you the money for the day, he is really trying to keep you off of work. As you are about to talk back to him, Natasha takes your phone from your hand and tells Steve that you will call him back in a second. The audacity.

“You are an adult Yn, right? Then let's talk like adults.” That will be an interesting conversation. You are taking it into the living room, following Natasha with Wanda closing behind you. You sit down on the couch and they give you your mug filled with warmed up tea. It's even your favorite of the month, chamomile.Something about the smell and taste of it makes you feel calmer. You wait for one of them to start, not really knowing what they are even doing here at this point, you feel ashamed about how much you let them get close to you, maybe a little bit sick even, or maybe it's just because of your head.

“You should sue her, the girl that did this to you.” It's not a question and surprisingly it's coming from Wanda.

“No.” You know it might not make any sense to them but you have your reasons.

“I don't understand you Yn. Why? She hurt you, she did something horrible to your friend, why are you even trying to protect her.”

“I'm not protecting her.”

“You are, and you are putting Kate in danger because of it.” That makes you shut up and listen. For once you let them continue, really taking in what they are saying. The feeling of your throat closing up makes you feel like a kid again and you don't like it.

“You really think that she will be noble and won’t try to get you back, or Kate. If she would want to hurt you she has at least 3 ways of doing that.” You just look at her not really understanding what she means by that.

“Kate, Maria and Darcy. They are your soft spot Yn, you would always protect them or die trying. But sometimes you are fighting with somebody bigger than you, something bigger. How will you protect them if you are at work all the time, how will you protect Kate when she finishes her work at midnight and you are not with her. And even if you would pick her up everyday, you can't be at 3 places at the same time. You need help and we can provide it.”

“The question is will you let us?” They are looking at you in a way it's hard to describe.You feel the care they try to give but you can help but follow your thoughts and your gut feeling about the “why” of their intentions. What's in it for them? The thought of your friends getting hurt is crashing for you. It feels like the ceiling is slamming onto your chest making you unable to breathe. You hate feeling hopeless but you are not stupid, you can admit when your power or control over the situation goes thin with how serious things got. You need them and that is the worst thing that can happen to you. Needing somebody gives them control over you, your life, your decisions and it's just a matter of time when they will use it against you. You don't know when, but there will be this one moment, when one of them will cross your boundaries because you own them. They helped you, they were good and nice so it means that there is invisible space to hurt you, to make it even. You just need to trust yourself that you will be able to handle it when it comes, because it will, it always does. People prove you right, but you don't have a choice.

“I just want her out and far, can you do that? Can you help?” It comes out through your clenched teeth.

“We can” Natasha seems proud of herself, the sickening smirk on her face makes you believe that she is happy about this whole situation.

“How much will it cost me?” Everything has a price and you want to know it before you will agree on anything. Wanda tries to comfort you but you won’t fall for that.

“Yn you don't have to pay us anything.”

“I can't not pay, tell me how much.”

“Dinner, you said that it feels like work on our date. You own us dinner. “ Natasha states and you take a second weighing your options.

“Okay, deal. I'm gonna buy you dinner.” The idea is not your favorite but you are grateful for the opportunity to pay them back somehow, maybe it will lower down the feeling of guilt you have about them helping you.

“No,no. You're gonna cook us dinner, at our house, we have an amazing kitchen, wanda will gladly help you, she has amazing taste. right honey?” If Nat is trying to contain her excitement about having the upper hand she is not doing a very good job.

“Oh yes, we do.” Wanda answers by not taking her eyes off of you, especially your lips. You don’t know if she is trying to flirt with you or is looking at your cut, that's still bleeding a little, you feel the iron taste every time you run your tongue on it.

“Okay.” This is too important and you know it. Sometimes we have to admit when we lose, today you feel that way.

Next twenty minutes you spend on walking through the whole process of getting a restraining order against Valkyrie. It takes a lot of talking and paperwork but Wanda is amazing at her job so winning the case should be a matter of a couple weeks. You maily want it for Kate and your friends, you would rather not be on any record but Wanda is really stubborn about it, so you agree. After explaining and taking all the notes they have to take pictures of your injuries.You don;t want them to see you half naked but you understand the necessity of it. You ask Wanda to be the one taking the pictures, there is something about Natasha tak that makes you feel a little unsafe, you can't put your finger on it but it's there, and as hurt as she looks she doesn't argue. Evening came fast, it's getting dark pretty early at this time of year, so you made tea for all of you, as a small thank you towards two older women, that showed you a lot of kindness. You are all sitting in comfortable silence, they made you call off work which you understand, also Steve texted you he will kill you if you would come. You can feel their stare on you but you don't address it, keeping your eyes down on your green mug. The next thing that Wanda says takes you a bit off guard.

“I know you are scared, Yn... but you are doing just fine.”

“It doesn't feel that way.” You didn't catch yourself in time, you don't know where it's coming from but you feel yourself opening up.

“You are doing just fine.” Natasha joins in, your shoulders visibly stiff, mug in your hands lightly burn your palms with warmness but you can't let it go. You feel yourself slipping in some way, into the deeper part that is usually kept at bay, out of everybody, out of the outside world, inside of you, reminding you that it exists as clenched fists or stomach ache. You make yourself into a vessel that can only hold that much, each night in some controlling way you let go of some pain, stress or any hard emotions that are filling you up. Today you didn't get much time by yourself and it seems like you're overflowing, and you hate yourself for the stains you make with your sadness.

“It doesn't feel fine... why doesn't it feel fine?” It's funny how you think anyone can have an answer to that, even more, people that know nothing about you. You hate how pathetic you sound.

“It seems like everybody is making you reach unreachable standards, they expected too much so now you don't allow yourself any rest because you feel like you need to reach higher. But you are doing just fine, sugar. What you did today was heroic, maybe a little dumb, but you did it out of love and that was admirable” To your surprise what Natasha says actually makes some sense, and you feel it in your work, in your devotion to your friends, or in the ways you try to handle your struggles.

“It's true.. I think it's true.” You take your eyes from your mug and stare directly at Natasha, to make sure that the things you say flow through every single part of her, to see in her eyes that she actually understands. You swallow the pain, with the lump in your throat and as you reach for the raw part of you, knowing that you will regret it tomorrow you show both of them more true than before part of yourself .

“It is true Tasha.. and it changes nothing.” Your tone was the one ending this conversation. You see by Wanda's face that she wants to argue, tell you that you are just wrong, so, so wrong about this, but her wife grabs her hand and squeezes it two times with a light smile on her face. You stand up and put your mug into the sink. You move towards your room and they dont stop you. You hear them gather their stuff as you reach your door. You defeated them, proved one more time that nobody can save you from yourself. Good fucking job, be proud. You think to yourself while hearing the entrance door closing leaving you alone in an empty house. To be honest if you weren't stuck in your body you would do the same.

Next chapter

tag list : @autorasexy @lizziejolsen @natashaswife4125 @sayah13 @romanoffskisser @lijo-8 @jjiiuuisssagcebrcw @natashaswife4125 @dumbassbitchwithnotits @teenybean, @marvelwomen-simp, @ripofflizzie

#wanda maximoff #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #marvel #wanda maximoff x you #darcy lewis x carol danvers #darcy lewis #maria hill #valkyrie #kate bishop x valkyrie #pepper potts

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devsgames · 10 months

Text

Game Optimization and Production

I wanted to write a bit of a light primer about optimization and how it relates to game production in the event people just don't know how it works, based on my experience as a dev. I'm by no means an expert in optimization myself, but I've done enough of it on my own titles and planned around it enough at this point to understand the gist of what it comes down to and considerations therein. Spoilers: games being unoptimized are rarely because devs are lazy, and more because games are incredibly hard to make and studios are notoriously cheap.

(As an aside, this was largely prompted by seeing someone complaining about how "modern" game developers are 'lazy' because "they don't remember their N64/Gamecube/Wii/PS2 or PS3 dropping frames". I feel compelled to remind people that 'I don't remember' is often the key part of the "old consoles didn't lag" equation, because early console titles ABSOLUTELY dropped frames and way more frequently and intensely than many modern consoles do. Honestly I'd be willing to bet that big budget games on average have become more stable over time. Honorable mention to this thread of people saying "Oh yeah the N64 is laggy as all hell" :') )

Anywho, here goes!

Optimization

The reason games suffer performance problems isn't because game developers are phoning it in or half-assing it (which is always a bad-faith statement when most devs work in unrealistic deadlines, for barely enough pay, under crunch conditions). Optimization issues like frame drops are often because of factors like ~hardware fragmentation~ and how that relates to the realities of game production.

I think the general public sees "optimization" as "Oh the dev decided to do a lazy implementation of a feature instead of a good one" or "this game has bugs", which is very broad and often very misguided. Optimization is effectively expanding the performance of a game to be performance-acceptable to the maximum amount of people - this can be by various factors that are different for every game and its specific contexts, from lowering shader passes, refactoring scripts, or just plain re-doing work in a more efficient way. Rarely is it just one or two things, and it's informed by many factors which vary wildly between projects.

However, the root cause why any of this is necessary in the first place is something called "Platform Fragmentation".

What Is Fragmentation

"Fragmentation" is the possibility space of variation within hardware being used to run a game. Basically, the likelihood that a user is playing a game on a different hardware than the one you're testing on - if two users are playing your game on different hardware, they are 'fragmented' from one another.

As an example, here's a graphic that shows the fragmentation of mobile devices based on model and user share. The different sizes are how many users are using a different type of model of phone:

As you can tell, that's a lot of different devices to have to build for!

So how does this matter?

For PC game developers, fragmentation means that an end-user's setup is virtually impossible to predict, because PC users frequently customize and change their hardware. Most PC users potentially have completely different hardware entirely.

Is your player using an up-to-date GPU? CPU? How much RAM do they have? Are they playing on a notebook? A gaming laptop? What brand hardware are they using? How much storage space is free? What OS are they using? How are they using input?

Moreover PC parts don't often get "sunsetted" whole-cloth like old consoles do, so there's also the factor of having to support hardware that could be coming up on 5, 10 or 15 years old in some cases.

For console developers it's a little easier - you generally know exactly what hardware you're building for, and you're often testing directly on a version of the console itself. This is a big reason why Nintendo's first party titles feel so smooth - because they only build for their own systems, and know exactly what they're building for at all times. The biggest unknowns are usually smaller things like televisions and hookups therein, but the big stuff is largely very predictable. They're building for architecture that they also made themselves, which makes them incredibly privileged production-wise!

Fragmentation basically means that it's difficult - or nearly impossible - for a developer to know exactly what their users are playing their games on, and even more challenging to guarantee their game is compatible everywhere.

Benchmarking

Since fragmentation makes it very difficult to build for absolutely everybody, at some point during development every developer has to draw a line in the sand and say "Okay, [x] combination of hardware components is what we're going to test on", and prioritize that calibre of setup before everything else. This is both to make testing easier (so testers don't have to play the game on every single variation of hardware), and also to assist in optimization planning. This is a "benchmark".

Usually the benchmark requirements are chosen for balancing visual fidelity, gameplay, and percentage of the market you're aiming for, among other considerations. Often for a game that is cross-platform for both PC and console, this benchmark will be informed by the console requirements in some way, which often set the bar for a target market (a cross-platform PC and console game isn't going to set a benchmark that is impossible for a console to play, though it might push the limits if PC users are the priority market). Sometimes games hit their target benchmarks, sometimes they don't - as with anything in game development it can be a real crap shoot.

In my case for my games which are often graphically intensive and poorly made by myself alone, my benchmark is often a machine that is approximately ~5 years old and I usually take measures to avoid practices which are generally bad and can build up to become very expensive over time. Bigger studios with more people aiming at modern targets will likely prioritize hardware from within the last couple years to have their games look the best for users with newest hardware - after all, other users will often catch up as hardware evolves.

This benchmark allows devs to have breathing room from the fragmentation problem. If the game works on weaker machines - great! If it doesn't - that's fine, we can add options to lower quality settings so it will. In the worst case, we can ignore it. After all, minimum requirements exist for a reason - a known evil in game development is not everyone will be able to run your game.

Making The Game

As with any game, the more time you spend on something is the more money being spent on it - in some cases, extensive optimization isn't worth the return of investment. A line needs to be drawn and at some point everyone can't play your game on everything, so throwing in the towel and saying "this isn't great, but it's good enough to ship" needs to be done if the game is going to ship at all.

Optimizing to make sure that the 0.1% of users with specific hardware can play your game probably isn't worth spending a week on the work. Frankly, once you hit a certain point some of those concerns are easier put off until post-launch when you know how much engagement your game has, how many users of certain hardware are actually playing, and how much time/budget you have to spend post-launch on improving the game for them. Especially in this "Games As A Service" market, people are frequently expecting games to receive constant updates on things like performance after launch, so there's always more time to push changes and smooth things out as time goes on. Studios are also notoriously squirrelly with money, and many would rather get a game out into paying customer's hands than sit around making sure that everything is fine-tuned (in contrast to most developers who would rather the game they've worked on for years be fine-tuned than not).

Comparatively to the pre-Day One patch era; once you printed a game on a disc it is there forever and there's no improving it or turning back. A frightening prospect which resulted in lots of games just straight up getting recalled because they featured bugs or things that didn't work. 😬

Point is though, targeted optimization happens as part of development process, and optimization in general often something every team helps out with organically as production goes on - level designers refactor scripts to be more efficient, graphics programmers update shaders to cut down on passes, artists trim out poly counts where they can to gradually achieve better performance. It's an all-hands-on-deck sort of approach that affects all devs, and often something that is progressively tracked as development rolls on, as a few small things can add up to larger performance issues.

In large studios, every developer is in charge of optimizing their own content to some extent, and some performance teams are often formed to be dedicated to finding the easiest, safest and quickest optimization wins. Unless you plan smartly in the beginning, some optimizations can also just be deemed to dangerous and out-of-reach to carry out late in production, as they may have dependencies or risk compromising core build stability - at the end of the day more frames aren't worth a crashing game.

Conclusion

Games suffer from performance issues because video game production is immensely complex and there's a lot of different shifting factors that inform when, how, and why a game might be optimized a certain way. Optimization is frequently a production consideration as much as a development one, and it's disingenuous to imply that games lag because developers are lazy.

I think it's worth emphasizing that if optimization doesn't happen, isn't accommodated, or perhaps is undervalued as part of the process it's rarely if ever because the developers didn't want to do it; rather, it's because it cost the studio too much money. As with everything in our industry, the company is the one calling the final shots in development. If a part of a game seems to have fallen behind in development it's often because the studio deemed it acceptable, refused to move deadlines or extend a hand to help it come together better at fear of spending more money on it. Rarely if ever should individual developers be held accountable for the failings of companies!

Anywho, thanks for reading! I know optimization is a weird mystical sort of blind spot for a lot of dev folks, so I hope this at least helps shed some light on considerations that weigh in as part of the process on that :) I've been meaning to write a more practical workshop-style step-by-step on how to profile and spot optimization wins at some point in the future, but haven't had the time for it - hopefully I can spin something up in the next few weeks!

#gamedev #game development #game dev #indie games #indie game #gamedevelopment #indiegames #pc gaming #pc games #indie dev #indiedev #video games #video game #blog #thoughts #optimization

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