#I'm a suspected felon

[i-cant-believe-its-not-silk]

Dracula flow quotes but they're so much worse

We smoking that childhood friend netoraie.

No one expects that Morgan Freeman gussy.

We was smoking melatonin, Got that Sandman asking for hazard pay.

I was out charting the gender spectrum when the kill squad came, They should have known, They didn't.

They sent me too the mines but I just started peeling carrots.

Smokey the bear with that smoking hot wear, You're a furry now bitch.

I taught my woman how to do math, now she spitting fire like a witch.

My granola bars ask for permission.

The doors are screaming and I'm in the shower eating soap.

I pay my enforcers in exposure.

I expected the Spanish inquisition.

Vampire tried to steal my blood little did she know I was zooming on that brimstone and garlic butter.

I get bought by the Blahaj I'm moving different.

The last thing he heard before I ultra booty blasted his ass with my revovler was me screaming my attack name before I let the shadow wizards take him.

I sold my soul for 67 human teeth.

Team rocket challenged me to a poke battle I pulled out that Glock.

My fingers were itching I pulled out that bonesaw.

I put the fire mage in a cave, we smoking vacuums.

we smoking dungeon cores.

I don't care if I get vaccinated I'm already autistic.

Call my bitch Autistic Enterocolitis the way she destroys my asshole.

Musicians summon me by playing tritones.

We smoking bubonic doctors.

I'm Nurgle's wet dream walking different.

I kept my bones from joining skeleton war.

My trans-gun stuck on corpse mode.

I jumped on the trampoline until i fell through it.

I don't move around the fire, I just sit inside the smoke.

we in that campfire pinewood smoke.

we snuffing them M1 Garand vapers.

ambulances slow down for me.

we sniffing that swamp fog.

I say … out loud in my conversations.

I go for the kneecaps I don't even care if they sue me.

Ain't no one gonna see me without my emotional support racoon girl.

I've never even seen a marvel movie.

Reach for my armpit I'll turn you into a musk slut.

Its over now you are welcome.

I take no responsibility for my autistic rizz.

[kiyomitakada]

if light yagami were alive in 2024 i don't think he would kill trump but i do think he would be tempted to

[rootspiral]

AGATHA ALL ALONG DEEP DIVE: episode 1 part 1

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4])

IT'S TIME TO REWATCH AGATHA ALL ALONG, WITCHES! And as usual, spoilers below.

episode 1, Seekest Thou The Road

Wanda is dead (no she ain't). As a result, her spell is weakened and Agatha has changed from her nosy neighbor character to detective Agnes (or caught the true crime bug, as Herb will put it.)

Stinky grimy Agnes, so serious and depressed. As soon as she appears onscreen she's humming the Ballad.

Detective Agnes has just been recalled to action after being off duty for a while. She was punished for "punching a suspect", which is code for going after Wanda. Agnes points out that now the suspect is a convicted felon, i.e. that she was right after all and Wanda is dangerous and evil. "I can't be right and wrong" she says. "Yes, you can" says Herb, because both Agatha and Wanda are villain and victim. And lol at the police tape symbolizing Herb's fence. You know the poor guy is in his garden looking down at Agnes in her Bonher family tshirt, wondering what the hell is going on.

oh that's a seriously good shot

Agatha looks heartbroken when she sees Wanda's body, doesn't she? She looks so sorry.

Herb (the real Herb behind the illusion) confirms that Agatha is acting different than usual.

THIRD TIME SHE DISCREETLY DRIES HER TEARS

There is nothing funny about Detective Agnes. Or rather, it's funny to watch her because she's so intense, but we laugh at her, she's not being a clown on purpose like Agatha usually is. And Agatha right now is in a lot of pain, even more than usual having completely lost her agency. This character so unkempt, so sad, so doggedly searching for answers, is more true to Agatha's real self than what she usually lets people see. Deep down she's just a tragic lesbian wet rat.

Somebody called in to have the body found, and I think that somebody was Rio. Why would the body be next to the water otherwise? It's like the River of Life laid her gently where Agatha could find her. In other words, Wanda's death brought her to Agatha. I'm curious about these woods too, we know they don't actually exist as this is all in Agatha's head, but where did the idea come from? Are these the woods where she killed the Salemites? Where she gave birth to Nicky? Or where she buried him?

Agatha's victims from the finale flashing throughout the opening. Wherever it may bend, I'll see you at the end.

"based on the danish series WANDAVISDYEN" never fails to destroy me. and it's so clever too, it's like they're telling first time watchers that yes, this seems like a grim detective show, but you clever audiences know that things are not as they seem and this is a parody, right?? this is not serious at all, it's funny! Laugh! Except. It's not funny. It's not funny at all. And you're going to realize only when it's too late. It's the same thing they do with Sharon/Mrs. Hart, they lure you in with laughs only to hit you with heartbreak. This show is not a comedy at all. It's at its very core a senseless tragedy.

Sarah/Dottie lives next door too, was Agatha talking to her through a window, or does the library desk symbolize another fence? This poor woman, hasn't she suffered enough? But they all more or less try to help Agnes, that's sweet. Has anyone from SWORD or whomever dropped in to talk to them, did the Avengers just decide to leave Agatha there? Did Monica (or Ralph) even explain to the poor people of Westview that she's a witch, or do they just think she's a random neighbor who couldn't be saved from Wanda's Hex?

THE MAILMAN CONTINUES BEING SUSPICIOUS. Is Agatha putting words in his mouth, or was he (the "messanger") sent by someone to warn her about the Darkhold being destroyed???

her FACE when she sees Rio

and the way Rio just stares and stares. When you rewatch this scene knowing that this is the first time she gets to see Agatha in centuries... and she has to be cool and she has to be gentle. I think it's deliberate that they put Phil/Harold/Ross Geller in here, because he's one of the funniest people in Westview and it's suggesting a first time viewer to read this scene as a comedy. Except it's a cosmic tale of tragedy and heartbreak, but you're not supposed to notice yet, even if it's right there under your nose.

Stop being such a lone wolf, Agnes. Or rather, stop being such a sad and lonely covenless witch, Agatha.

Rio laughs her delighted little laugh, licks her lips, looks out the window for a moment as if overwhelmed, then goes back looking at Agatha and basically devouring her with her eyes. ("te veo.") (thank you for my life aubrey plaza.) Agatha stares daggers back, but her body language stars getting defensive. She feels very vulnerable.

Yep, defensive. And wistful.

She is doing her job, like always. But she's also going above and beyond. There is technically no need for her to wake Agatha up, but here she is, dropping gentle clues, guiding her with such patience and care.

"If you wanna be in control you can be" is said in such a kind tone, but it's also sexy?? I think Rio really likes for Agatha to take control, in a lot of ways. Her body language is the opposite of what Agatha is doing too.

Oh noes she's making herself so small now. She's like, intrigued and angry and happy and scared to see Rio. They're both being so tentative!! And she doesn't actually know who Rio is because she's under the damn spell, so her body language and feelings are pure instinct. They come from somewhere very very true and deep. (and LOL that mug says "get a clue")

Is this who you are now, Agatha? the intense but lonely detective? she's genuinely interested, because Rio investigates Agatha just as Agatha investigates everybody else. Rio simply cannot get enough of her. and she keeps talking with this gentle, warm, understated tone.

Gains personal space. Keeps staring and staring.

oh now we're leaning. they do this every scene they are together, they keep getting closer and closer even if they don't mean to, like magnets.

Agatha literally bolts to the door and tells her to leave. Rio's presence is so overwhelming in so many different and complicated ways, and she doesn't even understand why that is at the moment. Kathryn Hahn is playing this perfectly straight (no pun intended), there is genuine pain in her voice.

"Te veo", which is not "see you," but I see you, I'm always looking for you, I'm always watching. And I finally see you, after all this time.

Oh, honey.

I'm running out of space again, but I promise I'll continue this tomorrow. Thank you for all the notes you guys, I was not expecting so many! I'm doing this mostly to amuse myself, but it's nice to know that the brainrot is collective 🙃🙃🙃

go to the next entry

[crownmemes]

Questioning Sentences, Vol. 29

(Questioning sentences from various sources to ask all kinds of muses. Adjust phrasing where needed)

"I'm sorry, does that hurt?"

"What? Have I got something in my teeth?"

"How am I supposed to concentrate when you're running around?"

"Am I to take it you believe in this quote-unquote 'plan'?"

"We are all bound for heaven eventually, are we not?"

"Who am I to play god with other people's lives?"

"Since when did you develop emotional intelligence?"

"What are you looking for now?"

"How did you get here so quickly?"

"Wow. I really got to you, didn't I?"

"That looks complicated! What is it?"

"Remember that conversation we had about personal space?"

"That was weird, right?"

"I'm a suspect, aren't I?"

"Have you forgotten who you're working for?"

"So now you're a psychologist too?"

"When you were a child, were you aware of any secret gatherings?"

"You just can't stay away, can you?"

"Why don't I tell you a story?"

"It's cold down here, isn't it?"

"Would you stay somewhere where no one wanted you?"

"How far would you go for someone you love?"

"Do you ever think about what could have happened between you and me?"

"That's a little dishonest, don't you think?"

"So, how do you like to spend your free time?"

"Since when did you develop emotional intelligence?"

"Do you have any lingering pain from the accident?"

"You've been in contact with a known felon?"

"What is it that makes you special?"

"Do you think he's going to die? Do you think we killed him?"

"We still have a chance to save half the world. It's worth a try, isn't it?"

"You don't even feel, do you?"

"How's a man supposed to get any rest with all these uncertainties?"

"The symbol - could it have another meaning?"

"I'm guessing you haven't got time for sex?"

"Do you really think that this is the end of the world as we know it?"

"I'm sorry. You thought he was your friend, no?"

"I don't know anyone who can pull off a trick like that. Do you?"

"What's the most pain you've ever felt in your life?"

"Can you keep secrets? Can you know a thing and never say it again?"

"Rumours have a terrible habit of resurfacing, don't they?"

"You wrote down what I said?"

"Okay, what do we know about vampires?"

[iamespecter]

Words can't summarize how absolutely, monumentally pissed and devastated I am right now. My mom's business was broken in to, and according to her the 'thief' stole most of the supplies, 2 cashboxes and presumably used the back window of the store to break in.

She suspects that the thief is the only boy staff we have, because of many things, but it's mostly because he's a convicted felon with 2 counts of murder, out for "good behavior".

Other reasons include: failure to act professionally in a professional setting, not dressing in proper work uniform, bad personal hygiene (refraining from taking a bath), refusal to perform daily tasks, taking and eating parts of the food he's supposed to ONLY cook, talking back against my mom --who is his employer-- when she talks to him about these things, misogynistic and predatory behavior against the female staff (and even to my mom, I witnessed this firsthand) and even trying to conspire with my brother to take money from the cashbox FOR CIGARETTES.

And before anyone points out why my mom couldn't just "fire him" on the spot, 1) My mom was forced to take him in because he was recommended to her by a relative of ours, thinking his good behavior was good enough to be hired in a proper job, 2) HE'S A CONVICTED FELON WHO'S ALREADY MURDERED 2 PEOPLE. MY FAMILY COULD BE NEXT so right now, we're walking on eggshells around this fucker.

Why am I fucking talking about this? BECAUSE NOT ONLY WAS OUR LIVELIHOOD COMPROMISED, I'M ON THE FUCKING RECEIVING END FROM ALL OF THIS. I HAVE TO GET MONEY TODAY TO IMPROVE THE SECURITY OF THE STORE, BECAUSE THE CASHBOX --WHICH CONTAINS MOST OF MY MOM'S MONEY-- WAS STOLEN BY THIS SHIT STAIN OF A HUMAN BEING. AL-FUCKING-LEGEDLY.

I'm at a fucking loss on what to do. Everytime something slightly good happens, a worse problem presents itself at my door and it's getting harder and harder to live positively. I know this is all private matter but how can I fucking keep this all to myself when I have to deal with all of this shit life keeps throwing at me? I'm just broken.

I don't know what to do. I don't fucking know what to do.

[agatharkn3ss]

Wanda references in AAA so far

Now that we had the big reveal, I thought I would summarise all the little Wanda references I've spotted throughout the show. Some are less obvious than others and I am sure I missed some because there are so many.

Personally, I think that these references were put in there only for fans' amusement, a little nod to Wandavision, a bit of red herring and as hints to Teen's identity. While I want Wanda to be alive, I feel having her make actual appearance in AAA could be detrimental to the show's already packed story. It would feel like "Wanda All Along".

Episode 1:

Agnes O'Connor was suspended for "punching a suspect", that is "now a convicted felon" - allusion to Agatha battling Wanda

Agnes and Herb exchange "She is dead though, isn't she?" - "Oh she's really, most sincerely dead" (Wizard of Oz reference!) - "You never know!" - wink = suggestion Wanda is alive

The victim's body is hinted to be Wanda's (but is it?) - the victim had black fingers (from Darkhold), described as "late 20s, green eyes, 5'7", hair the colour of scarlet", she was crushed by "something big and heavy", no drag marks as if she appeared "magically from thin air" and the dirt samples came out as from "somewhere in Easter Europe" - Wanda died crushed by the Darkhold Castle on Mount Wundagore in Transia in Easter Europe

The missing book is "The Dialogue and Rhetoric Known History of Learning & Debate" by Andrew Ugo = DARKHOLD by Wundagore

The messenger from Wandavision makes brief appearance to tell Agnes about the "library fire" where all copies of Darkhold were destroyed (also repeated by Rio at the morgue)

Finally, Wanda's name appearing on the library card

Episode 2:

Agatha makes a visit to Wanda's plot, with some hateful graffiti

While not a specific mention, I find it funny when Lilia calls Agatha the most infamous witch on the continent and Teen pretends to be offended, challenging her to name one for South America or Europe - while a little nod to Easter Europe again, it is telling that none of them mentioned Wanda as being even "badder" witch

In the comics, all of the coven witches have links to Wanda

Episode 3: (I think this is where we start seeing Agatha catching on to Billy's identity)

when the witches find out Teen has a sigil on him, Agatha interjects, calling it "a clumsy glamour" - in Wandavision, Wanda once pretended to be a magician's assistant called Glamour

the wine label is Rioja Reyna, so reference to "Red Queen" in Spanish

Agatha makes a toast to "Harbingers of Doom" - the Salem witches called the Scarlet Witch a "Harbinger of Chaos"

When Sharon is confused and says "Please Wanda, I'm begging you, let him breathe please" - it's a direct reference to the scene in Wandavision where Wanda is magically choking her husband Todd and Mrs Hart keeps saying "Stop it. Stop it. Stop it." while smiling because she couldn't do anything else. The words she said in AAA were likely what she was actually saying in her head at that moment.

Episode 4:

Rio crawls out of the grave in the same creepy manner that Wanda made an entrance in Multiverse of Madness

When Rio asks Agatha why she brought Teen with her, she responds "Oh... Many hands" - this is a direct reference to Wandavision where Agatha was helping Wanda with her dinner and says "Many hands make light work. And many mouth make good gossip"

one of the tracks listed on the broken vinyl reads "Red Haired Woman"

Episode 5:

Teen is dressed in the same costume that young Billy Maximoff wore in Wandavision for Haloween

The back of the Ouija rules say "for ages 3 and up" - that's because Billy Maximoff's soul is technically only 3 years old because he was created in the Hex

When Agatha says "you're so much like your mother", we can hear a bit of Wandavision music

Billy's magic gestures and crown are very similar to Wanda's

[mumblingsage]

My other post-mortem bit mixed with personal life update is yowch, I really did hope for a Republican crossover that didn't happen. That said, I don't think the numerous people who said they were once Republicans and voted for Harris were all lying. I suspect they no longer identify themselves are Republicans but rather Independents--this is the designation Waukesha's mayor switched to back in 2021 after Jan 6. The unrealistic part was probably expecting anyone who hung around in the Republican party for long after January 2021 to suddenly become a Republican for Harris in 2024.

Further personal anecdotal evidence, my mom texted me that she went for lunch with a friend yesterday "who wouldn't have gone if I was a Republican." If she voted red at all in this election it was for the local dogcatcher (and once upon a time even I have done that because we don't have tons of options out here).

Back in 2017 when he was inaugurated I said something about not caring to listen to the rapist in the White House and she was offended by my language (not that she liked the guy but she thought I was crudely exaggerating). Yesterday the first thing she texted me was "I'm so sorry. Who can believe a felon and rapist with dementia would be elected!?!" It's not the way I'd prefer to be vindicated, but thank god the chips fell with her the way they did. I hope this keeps happening.

[baddybaddyadardaddy]

Love from Canada. I feel sick from the results. Unfortunately unsurprising. Lots of Adar hugs and kisses. Time for escapism again eh.

Yeah I feel numb in the sense that I was never able to get truly excited for Kamala because this felt inevitable. I was praying that I'd be proven wrong but this just confirms what I'd long suspected: men hate women in America. They hate us so, so much. And this election is conclusive proof.

It's not just women, of course. Everyone vulnerable is at risk. The only people who will thrive under this adminstration are cis, het, white men.

Trumpism/MAGA is making our country meaner and less compassionate. And at the helm of it all is a mentally unstable, convicted felon for whom threats of violence are at the top of his rhetorical grab bag.

I'm scared for the entire world.

[vukovich]

Like a Felon Knows the Law

tw: lice and "Mudblood"

During their fifth year, Hogwarts had a head lice problem. Nobody was sure if it started in Gryffindor or Hufflepuff first, but the Hufflepuff common room was a likely suspect, owing to the amount of upholstery.

"None of our concern," Draco had told Pansy, tucking a bite of toast with orange marmalade in his cheek. "It's never been an issue before. Muggle problem."

Pansy's hum was unconvinced.

The next day, Longbottom showed up to lunch with his hair buzzed short. That night, all the brushes, combs, and hats in the Slytherin boys' dormitory had disappeared, and the pillowcases smelled like sanitising spells.

Theo absently scratched the back of his head in befuddlement, and Draco's pristine life flashed before his eyes. It was dull, as far as flashbacks go.

He didn't sleep a wink that night, and spent it over-invested in every tickle of a hair near his ear, or his neck, or down the centre of his back. And so it was with utmost exhaustion, irritation, and suspicion that he greeted Granger in the morning.

"This is all your fault," he said, sneering down at her on their way out of the Great Hall. "Filthy Mudblood, bringing vermin into the castle."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes.

A haughty chuckle came from behind Draco. He turned to find Justin Finch-Fletchley, local Muggleborn aristocrat, smirking. He was insufferable, given that his upbringing mirrored Draco's, but the optics were better.

Justin brushed past him, throwing him off-step. "At least," Justin said snidely, "Mudbloods know how to get rid of lice." He cast Draco a backward glance. "Good luck hexing your way out of this, Malfoy."

Draco didn't sleep that night, either.

Five AM found him sitting on the edge of a very peeved, very bleary-eyed Theo's bed.

"The fuck you want me to do?" Theo mumbled. "Avada Kedavra your scalp like some William Tell shit?"

"Who?"

"Nevermind."

Draco watched Theo fall back asleep. Then nudged him. "Hey."

Theo snarled with his eyes still shut. "What?"

Draco sighed. "Nothing."

But it wasn't nothing, it was a big, fat something, because Justin wasn't wrong. Draco went home for the weekend, and his parents had never heard of head lice. He went so far ask to ask the portraits, and then the House Elves, who after much pestering and shaking of their bald heads, finally looked him square in the eye and said, "Why would Elves know of Muggle hair parasites?"

Draco shuddered at the word 'parasites' and hid in his bedroom until Sunday night.

When he arrived back at school, two of the Ravenclaw First Year boys had fresh haircuts, and he chose to interpret it as further evidence of pestilence.

He hid in the library. Only, it wasn't hiding if he had a stack of books next to him on the floor, below the window seat. He turned the spines against the wall so no one walking past would know that they were exclusively texts on invasive species, magical extermination, and livestock management.

Potter was the first one to stop and harass him.

"You look like you're waiting for your mum to come pick you up after school."

Draco obliquely understood him and chose to take offense. He thumbed through a promising few pages on woodlouse habitat preferences and wondered if his hair was at all similar to decomposing wood fibres.

"Potter, I'm surprised they even allow you inside the library after you-"

With the toe of his shoe, Potter nudged the pile of books away from the wall, then adjusted his glasses to read the titles. His eyebrows rose, then dimples formed on either side of his lips as he suppressed a grin.

"Doing some research, are we?" he asked. Draco sat, mortified, and said nothing. Potter's ire thawed around the edges, and he looked down with something near pity. "You're not likely to get lice, you know. Or, not likely to get them and not notice, I guess. It's-" he gestured to his own hair "It'd be really obvious if you got them, I mean. Because your hair's so light. And it's easier to find them in straight hair."

"Oh," was all Draco came up with, because it didn't solve the problem. He rallied the bit of piss and vinegar he had left. "I suppose you'd know, wouldn't you, Potter?"

It was supposed to be a thrown lance, but it landed like a desperately tossed lifeline.

"Yeah," Potter said gently. "I mean, I never got them, but we had lice checks at St Grogory's." He rested his bum against the window seat, his knee next to Draco's shoulder. "I could check your hair. You know. If you wanted me to. I guess me and Hermione are probably the only ones who really know how."

Draco's burgeoning phobia won out over his inborn prejudice, and he replied with nothing but a terse nod.

Harry sat on the window bench and, in what he perhaps thought was a brazen display of oblivious male heterosexuality, swung a leg on either side of Draco's body. Giddyup-no-homo.

Draco's shoulders did fit rather nicely between Harry's knees. They both silently regretted wearing their tightest trousers.

Unable to reach his wand in his back pocket, and not having a comb with him, Harry pulled a clean quill from his robe and parted Draco's hair just a centimetre off from where it already lay neatly.

Draco's arms ran with gooseflesh at the keen touch of the nib against his scalp. He sighed the second time Potter drew it through his hair. By the sixth time, Harry had him lay his temple against the inside of his thigh while he stroked through the hair behind Draco's ear.

Eventually, Draco dozed off, and Harry didn't admit that he'd seen every square millimetre of Draco's scalp thrice over. He let Draco sleep against his inner thigh while he read more than anyone needed to know about the mighty woodlouse. Crabs of the undergrowth. Majestic shrimp of the land.

Harry fell asleep with his hand cupping Draco's cheek and dreamt of Fraggle Rock, but it was a coral reef, and Draco was there.

Nothing was found that day in the library. Nothing tangible, anyway. But just to be sure, they kept checking.

Thirty years later, Harry hikes a leg over Draco and sits himself on the shabby floral sofa, in the front room where the telly blocks the bottom of the bay window. Harry watches MASH reruns while Draco watches the street lights come on. His hands sort through Draco's hair by feel.

It's not a surprise to find Draco sitting on the front room floor. His Wizengamot robes were hung in the hall too neatly for him to have had a good day.

Draco lays his head against Harry's inner thigh, and they both sigh. It's not every day they sit like this, but often enough.

Harry doesn't bother asking about Draco's day, because if there were anything Draco could do about it, he wouldn't be sitting on the floor with a book in his lap. Most likely, a trial witness got cold feet, or a policy change was delayed by a committee.

Hermione takes her judicial frustrations out at the driving range, and Draco lets Harry skim them from his scalp with his wand, or a quill nib, or the blunt edge of his fingernails.

On the telly, Hawkeye says something clever, but Harry doesn't catch it, because the edge of his nail catches on the edge of something on Draco's scalp. Startled, he looks down to find a rough pink patch near the whorl at Draco's crown.

He rubs it, and Draco doesn't wince. "Did you hit your head on something?"

"No," Draco replies, closing his book. "Why?"

"Nothing," Harry says cooly, but a thread of concern worms its way in. "There's just a mark."

Draco hums and reaches up to rub it. "Odd."

Ultimately, it ends up being a big deal for blessedly nothing. A biopsy, a few months of a particularly obnoxious cream, and £800 in not-quite-right hats later, the spot is gone.

One evening, the street lights outside make the clouds orange, and on the telly, Klinger is having his sanity questioned while Harry rubs his thumb over the small scar on Draco's scalp and says, for the dozenth time, "So glad we caught that early," shortly followed by, "Could've been a lot worse."

Draco just nods, like he does every time Harry is obviously thinking of all the horrible outcomes that didn't happen. And then it occurs to him that if it hadn't been for the Hogwarts lice epidemic, they wouldn't have caught it early. It would have been a lot worse.

There's no one person in particular he can thank for the long-ago happenstance. He never did find out who introduced head lice to the Hogwarts class of '98. He does know, however, that there are feelings regarding the incident which still need addressing.

Apologising to Granger would be embarrassing, in the best case, and put him in an early grave in several other cases. They're both Mugwumps now, but Granger was long-established and climbing the ranks before they gave Draco his father's empty seat.

Granger had been the only vote against him. After his induction, she'd shook his hand grudgingly, looking as if she wanted to challenge him to a rematch of his own election.

"I suppose," she'd said, "it's time to see if we can entrust a ferret with guarding the chicken coop."

It was a lacking analogy for someone so clever, and it made him pause to examine her. She looked as though she'd been up all night studying. But the only thing on the Wizengamot's docket that entire day was the vote over his seat, and the following giving and taking of the oaths.

He licked his lips and hazarded a guess. "I think you put more deliberation into your vote than anyone else here."

She shot him a watery smile. "You don't sound upset that I voted against you."

He took a moment to think. "I never trusted professors who only gave high marks. It didn't feel as if they were doing their job."

Appeased enough for a bit of swottiness, she changed tack. "I still don't think you should be allowed in the Wizengamot until we're done with the Statute overhaul. Everything you know about Muggles, you learned precisely the wrong way."

He'd bitten his tongue then, metaphorically, and bit the inside of his lower lip in reality. "You're right, Granger. I know Muggle relations like a felon knows the law. But that isn't nothing, is it?"

She'd given him a trite hum, and, over the last decade, Draco had decided the expression meant she'd been hoping for a fight and didn't get it. Nowadays, she saves that huffy hum for the golf course, on days when the weather is too perfect, and par comes too easily, and everyone stands back and lets her play through.

Draco sighs, his cheek on Harry's thigh. He presses his lips to Harry's jeans. Sometimes, evenings like this end with Draco asleep between Harry's knees, just like that first time. Other nights, they're punctuated with an idle, lazy blowjob that's mostly lips and leads to Harry coming about half the times, and yawning and suggesting Chinese for dinner the other half. Draco is happy either way.

But tonight, he's going to fall asleep against Harry's leg before anything else can happen.

A week later, he's on the golf course with Granger and two senior Mugwumps who've been delaying the vote on Squib inheritance rights reform for three sessions now. Draco is there because the 'Malfoy' in his last name appeals to one Mugwump, and the '-Potter" appeals to the other. It doesn't hurt that he can carry two golf bags.

Draco leans against a shade tree and watches Granger tee up, both in their conversation and with her ball. The two elder statesmen respectfully go quiet while she lines up to swing, then whips her driver like a mace.

Both men are silent as they watch the ball arc through the sky. She takes the opportunity to restart, restate, and redirect the conversation while the next man tees up.

Silently, while the three of them watch another shot, Draco pulls a shiny new ladies' putter from his bag and slides it into Granger's. He rustles the clubs to settle them evenly in her bag. She probably won't notice for quite a while. When she's looking for her usual putter, she won't even register the existence of other clubs.

Dutifully, he scoops up both their bags and follows them.

He didn't put a note on the putter, just a red ribbon bow on the grip, which is hidden inside the bag. She may or may not know Draco gave it to her. And if she does, she won't ask why, because they've both learned that wounds that are already healing don't do well if reopened.

A gust of wind catches the brim of his hat, and he fumbles a set of clubs while catching it. His own clubs slide out onto the ground, but it's better than chasing his hat.

As he's picking them up, someone in a golf cart honks their obnoxious little robot horn at him. He's shoving his clubs into his bag, and he glances up to find a black and chrome golf cart with some Danish logo on the hood, and it's headed straight down the centre of the path toward him.

There's only one arrogant prat who drives a cart like that. Or, more accurately, who gets driven in a cart like that. Finch-Fletchley. The Muggle-prince-turned-wizard-pauper-turned-smarmy-solicitor, who was famous for introducing the magical world to the concept of fraudulent class action lawsuits.

The driver honked again, a sound more suited to a child's toy than a motor vehicle, but Draco stepped to the side and let them pass. He set down Hermione's bag and raised an arm at the elbow for a perfect parade wave.

In passing, Justin flashed him a mouth full of veneers without making eye contact.

Quick as lightning, as the cart goes by, and Justin isn't looking, Draco reaches out and snatches a club. His instincts see a silver Snitch, and in a split-second, he holds one of Justin Finch-Fletchley's golf clubs in his hand.

His fingers unfurl to reveal a shiny new driver, engraved and lacquered in reds and oranges. A Honma driver. He flips it over and wraps his hand around the grip. Very nice. At minimum, a £15,000 club. Appalling.

After a short wait, Justin's cart goes round the curve. Draco sets the other bag down, then squares his shoulders, centring them up with the nearest water hazard. It's a small pond, about ten metres away.

Without a second thought, he hefts the driver onto his shoulder like a javelin, gets a three-step running start, and flings it into the water. It hits the surface with a wet slap, briefly sends the grip up as a flag, then sinks like a periscope.

Much better.

Draco scratches his head, readjusts his hat, and picks up his bags.

[never-was-has-been]

Apparently not, if this is ALL media... But I suspect this is mostly Fox News media as well Trump's "Truth Social" propaganda media that are saying "You can't take him literally".

I'm not a fan of Global corporate media, but "most of them" Do Not defend this fascist felon's comments. He "literally" threatens people in his speeches, with inflammatory rhetoric that resembles what Hitler did in the 1930's!!

[gren-arlio]

CAUTION: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CRIMINAL?

(Image made by @kirstenonic05. Huge help on this, so thank you.)

Hello, one and all, it's Gren here. Today is Witch's birthday as well as Halloween, and to celebrate such a momentous occasion for the girl who appears in oh so many of my posts, I'm gonna to do two things besides say happy birthday to her.

An in-depth look on what The Witch has committed, her devious crimes.

How to handle/deal with/tolerate her if you're a random person, or you're a special guy.

Possible prosecution of her. Keyword "Possible".

I basically became Schezo's Private Investigator for a solid few months and today, I'm here to drop it all out for the press to see. Puyo fans are gonna be in shambles tonight.

This will be a detailed tutorial on what happens if you see The Witch, how to deal with her, and what happens if she approaches you. Hope you enjoy this overly elaborate shitpost.

-----

What IS The Witch?

For those blissfully unaware, The Witch is a wanted criminal, a young 15 year old felon who often resides in the realms of Madou Monogatari and Puyo Puyo, owned formerly by COMPILE, now by SEGA.

(A rough draft of what the suspect looks like. Be careful. Actual draft of her from Madou Monogatari Saturn.)

She seems harmless, but that's how she gets you. Never trust teenage girls who can brew potions, I learned that the hard way.

Commonly, she's a blonde haired, blue eye teenage girl, about 5'2 (158 CM) and 99 pounds (45KG), seen with a blue robe with tints of white and red, a blue hat and some of the worst shoe game I've ever seen.

However, she has been seen in a green robe with a red amulet, a steampunk outfit, and even cosplay as either Arale Norimaki from Dr. Slump, a literal cat, and Emilia from Re:Zero. (Besides the cat one, all really good alts in Quest design wise and Puyo-N just has good designs.)

(Video recording of The Witch cooking something malevolent)

-----

What? Crimes?

You heard me right good folks, as the guy who has documented her misdeeds for weeks on end, (AKA I've been casually researching other games and she appears,) I have found many of her criminal acts, some worse than others, and some shit I definitely made up. Here are a few cases, some of which are somewhat stretching the definition, but it's alright:

Attempted Murder:

Most notably committed in Madou Monogatari Saturn, where whilst getting kidnapped by Incubus, she absolutely torched the man. Could claim self defense but still.

Harassment:

Mostly to Schezo, when you stretch the definition long enough, it can be considered verbal harassment. If you count 4Komas and Compile Club Underground Edition, visual harassment is...certainly on the table.

(Attempted) Petty Theft:

More notable in Waku Waku Puyo Puyo Dungeon, where she tries many-a-times to get Schezo's robes, even threatening assault if he didn't.

Assault:

Threatened Schezo with it for his clothes in Waku Waku Puyo Puyo Dungeon, saying she'll rip them off.

You may ask, "Aren't Puyo matches assault cases?" And to that, I say...no. Usually, it's a joint agreement. The same goes for Waku Puyo, it's part of the attraction itself, the person somewhat signed up for it. However, I don't think personally trying to rip someone's clothes was part of the rules.

Drugging:

Most noticeable in the Tottemo Puyo Puyo Manga, where she drugged Arle with a love potion to make her fall in love with them, but it failed. Badly.

(Not many people know this one too much, so I thought I'd show the time where the crime occurred.)

Possession/Distribution of Alcohol to and as a Minor:

In Puyo 20th Anniversary, she just so happened to have something that made our boy Klug feel a tad unwise. Apparently happened to Lagnus too in Quest, but we're unsure, since it came from a 2nd source.

(Also, I know she didn't mean to give Klug it, but...why did she have it anyways?)

Crimes Against Schezo Wegey:

Along with almost every crime here, during the run of Compile, she's committed the worst one of them all: Being a Simp.

Easily the most notable for me, In Waku Waku Puyo Puyo Dungeon, she's normal to almost everyone else (she has beef with Rulue for some reason,) but the minute Schezo is in a 2 mile radius, she "forgets" to take her normal pills.

(Image recording of her harassing Mr. Wegey. She's just saying "it" looks super cool, leaving Schezo confused on whatever she meant, and yes. It's about his clothes.)

Second most notable (for me) is PuyoLympics, where the SECOND he takes off his robe to show the uniform he got, she starts acting a little unwise, to put it bluntly.

(Prelude image seconds before The Witch commits her worst crime yet. Being a Simp. Also the NicoNico video I saw for this had some of the most down bad dudes ever, don't become them please)

We also must speak about her acting unwise when she saw Madou Saturn Schezo, asking to touch the man.

And how could we forget when she got possessed by Marle, who totally gave her back her Madou conscious after laying dormant for God knows how many years and began her quest of simping yet again?

Saying submit to me, saying that she doesn't know why she feels so desperate for him all of a sudden, and then prolongs the word fun? Marle was scheming that day...

(First off, somehow I got this with both her eyes closed. Didn't expect that. Second, why does it look like Schezo is grabbing his own name box?)

We can forgive many of her crimes. But we can't forgive this crime specifically.

-----

What Do You Do When You See The Witch?

Now, most likely, you'd want to report her to the feds, the police if you will. But her world doesn't have police somehow, and that's rough buddy. However, The Witch is a very social person, and might want to talk to you.

This will be a step by step guide on what to do if you're a normal person near The Witch or if you're Schezo. Gotta look out for everyone.

However, for all:

The Witch is incredibly dangerous, and unless you're a relative, odds are, something malicious WILL be brewing.

Willingly going near her is dangerous as well, but if you live for danger, ignore this section.

For the Everyday Guy:

Keep your distance. The easiest thing to do, thankfully. If you don't approach her, odds are, she won't interact with you unless she wants something.

Don't own a Meteor Grimoire. She can sense that.

If she decides to go near you, do not panic, nor run yet. She has magic, you don't most likely, so unless you want a fireball or a Meteor hitting you, don't run.

Keep the talk short and brief. Prolonged exposure can be detrimental to your health in the long run.

If she asks for something, there's two ways to go around it. You can either give it to her quickly, or be the innocent victim of her next robbery/crime.

Don't try anything she gives you. Ever.

This is a split path. If she tries to take something from you, you can either choose to finally run or fight. Thankfully, she's pretty average at Puyo, so a good player can fend her off.

If everything goes well, she will leave you alone. And if you run, she probably won't chase you that much since you're just kinda a random dude to her.

For Schezo Wegey: (Or People in a Similar Scenario)

Before you even go out, don't wear cool-looking robes.

Don't own a Meteor Grimoire. She will sense that, especially if you're Schezo.

Same with the everyday man, keep your distance. If she spots you, it's absolutely over. Schezover, even.

If she spots you, everything changes now from the everyday man. She wants to approach you, she wants you...r items, or actually legit you. Don't show visible panic. Pretend she's not coming.

There's no shot you're going to be able to keep conversations short, she probably knows that you're trying to leave fast. However, try to keep your responses short enough, but not short to the point that she catches on.

If she asks for You, do NOT panic externally, which is easier said than done. Try to ask to elaborate. If she doesn't, you're fucked. If she does, give the thing to her...unless it's your clothes.

If you run, she's will very much chase you. There's several pieces of evidence for that, and unless you can run 100 meters in maybe 12 seconds, she will catch up to you with her broom. Even then, stamina issues for people, and she flies. Don't risk it unless you're absolutely confident.

This is a situation where you want her to leave first. If you noticed with some of the times Schezo gets harassed, she tended to leave first (Puyo 20th, Waku Puyo,) while in some cases, Schezo got out first (Madou Saturn, PuyoLympics but that went poorly), so try to make her leave first by doing...God know what.

If she tries to fight you, fight back. Self-defense is always good, and if you're Schezo or have a body similar to his, odds are her Meteor will hit you, but you'll survive. He's survived worse, you probably can too.

If everything goes well, you're free. Least for a little longer.

If you lose the fight, and everything else failed, FUCKING RUN. If Schezo can do it upon losing to her in Waku Waku Puyo Puyo Dungeon, you can too. Probably. Maybe.

Proof you can probably survive a Meteor:

(The Witch uses her spell...for 66 damage.)

-----

Let's Say, Theoretically, She Gets Arrested. What Happens?

(Old image my girlfriend made years ago. Little did we know how it'd end.)

Prosecuting her will very much be a challenge because simply put, there's no damn police in Madou/Primp. Well, good ones at least.

For you see, there ARE police in Primp or Madou as a whole. But in Quest, there's police in Intral City, the place Atari's from, but unfortunately, even in there, they don't exactly do much.

Call up Miles Edgeworth and teleport him here, then we got a shot, or even some other stupid good lawyer.

I'm no Laywer, but I think she'd go to jail for her crimes.

-----

Conclusion:

The Witch is a very dangerous felon. Armed and Dangerous, it's best to stay as far away as possible, especially if your name is Schezo Wegey or occasionally Arle Nadja. If you see her...well, you have the steps, or you can say fuck it and ball. Your choice.

-----

And Now, Actual Updates:

I enjoyed writing this, it was fun. With this, I'll repeat myself from last posts.

I'll be taking a 2 week break from this. I'm experiencing minor burnout and I do need a break, I've been doing this consistently for a couple of months now.

I'll also be taking a break during Thanksgiving week, Christmas, and New Years week as well to spend time with family.

Thank you all for your support, it means an absolute ton to me and I'm grateful I have people who actually love my work. Hell, I've even made a few new friends from this, and I couldn't be any happier with the progress I made.

I began this stuff on the notion that no one will read these, but it'd be better to document these sorta things just for fun. Little did I know, a little over 35 followers later, that people would enjoy what I made and the info I share, even if some of it is... somewhat peculiar. The support I've gotten from the community is unreal, and it's genuinely appreciated that you guys care so much. Even you reading this means a lot to me.

Thanks guys. Happy Halloween. Hope you enjoyed the show.

[spheresr4cubes]

An Open Letter, Post-Election

My dearest family,

The polls are in, the votes received and counted.

You wanted him back. Now here he is -- the man who, under his administration, insulted you, openly showed his disdain for your daughters' lives and for your family's proud history. This is the person who disrespected dead children and disabled veterans after playing nice for the television and kept top secret documents stored in a public restroom. This is the rich man who claimed an illness that killed millions was a fantasy while golfing at his resort. This is the bastard who overthrew revered legislation that allowed my sister and I to be born, for my mother to be alive and well. This is the felon who deceived and stole money from his own followers, people who hold him up as the second coming of Christ. This is the elderly white man who called Nazis "very fine people."

In choosing this man (if he can be called such), you show more than you think. You value "the economy" over the well-being of your children, who may face legal scrutiny if they miss a period yet never give birth. You value "the economy" over the deep love between people, who bound themselves to each other and may soon be severed in the eyes of the law. Do you value "the economy" over me -- your mentally ill, queer, Latina girl?

And it's not just about him. Putting him back in office emboldens the people who would hate you for your color, who wield the image of god as a shield against any wrongdoing, and who would sooner assault you than let you use the "wrong" bathroom. These are people who would look at my mother's broad, strong shoulders and her angular jaw and her wide, calloused, hardworking hands and say she's a biological man. These are the people who would look at my loving father, his good-humored smile, his military and career achievements and say he has no place in this country. You've heard it before -- I know you have.

I know you think I'm overreacting, but so many terrible things in our history have been met with indifference. I will not be able to sleep at night if I do the same.

I know you think I don't know any better, that I'm not aware of the horrid things past presidents have done, but I promise you, I know. (You've called me naive in the past, and the echo of your voice haunts my every decision).

I suspect you think this has nothing to do with you -- you, who are Mexican by blood, children of immigrants. You, who dealt with the military and know full well the danger of an incompetent leader. You, who are a woman and would have died if you hadn't been allowed to have that ectopic surgery. You, who looked at this man's policies and said, "It'll be fine. We survived last time." There were many who didn't. What makes you think you'll be spared this time?

I have so many questions for you, but it feels useless to ask them. I will love you regardless, so what is the point? I won't survive without you, so what is the point? But I need to know -- do you love me? Deep down, do you care about me? Do you care about people like me? What do you see in this man who points his finger at my people and says we don't deserve to live? What do you see in any of his allies who sneer at our tenuous grasp on middle class status and say we just need to work harder? Don't you feel any kinship with our cousins at the border, our brothers on the street, our sisters in bondage? Self-deprecating as we are, don't you feel we -- you, me, all of us -- deserve better?

I cannot forgive him for insulting you, and I don't know how you can. You have said not to take it personally, but how can I not? This is our life, these are supposed to be our leaders -- if they cannot respect us, how can we trust them to improve our lives?

How simple were the days when we could set a man's house on fire if he tarnished our honor! I would burn the White House a thousand times if so many said you were not a human being worthy of life, love, and happiness -- would you not do the same for me?

With all the love in this tiny, infinite world,

Your girl, Sam

[beardedmrbean]

A suspect in the killing of an off-duty Florida sheriff's deputy, who was gunned down at a truck stop while trying to intervene in a domestic battery incident, was captured Sunday in North Carolina, authorities said.

The suspect, 29-year-old Demaurea Grant, was taken into custody without incident around 7:30 a.m. by the U.S. Marshals Service's Fugitive Task Force at a home in Gastonia, North Carolina, about 400 miles from where he allegedly fatally shot Deputy Brad McNew, a corrections officer for the Jacksonville County Sheriff's Office, officials said.

"As the leader of this agency, I'm grateful for the quick arrest of a man who tragically took the life of a member of the JSO family," Jacksonville County Sheriff T.K. Waters said during a news conference Sunday afternoon.

Waters said McNew, a 24-year veteran of the sheriff's department, had just completed his shift when he allegedly encountered Grant at a truck stop in Jacksonville and tried to help a woman Grant was allegedly battering near the gas pumps.

"Today's arrest is about accountability for a person who senselessly took the life of a man attempting to help another human being," Waters said.

Grant's arrest came about 30 hours after witnesses told investigators they saw the suspect lean out the passenger-side window of a black 2000 Ford Mustang, which was being driven by the woman McNew witnessed getting beaten at the truck stop, and open fire on the deputy, officials said.

The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office had issued a notice for law enforcement agencies nationwide to be on the lookout for the Mustang with North Carolina license plates as a massive search for the suspect was launched, officials said.

Waters said Grant was arrested on charges of murder, possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, aggravated assault with a firearm and discharging a firearm in public.

"Grant is a convicted felon with a violent criminal history," Waters said.

Waters said a woman, believed to be the one Grant was seen allegedly abusing, was arrested along with Grant on charges related to another crime in North Carolina. Waters did not provide details on the North Carolina crime or release the woman's name.

The shooting unfolded about 1:20 a.m. Saturday at a Love's Truck Stop in north Jacksonville, Deputy Chief Alan Parker of the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office said during a news conference on Saturday.

Parker said McNew had just gotten off work and was not in uniform when he stopped at the truck stop just as Grant and his female companion were having a loud argument near the gas pumps.

Waters said the suspect, according to witness statements that were corroborated by security video, got out of the Mustang, put a firearm on the hood of the vehicle and pulled the woman out of the driver's seat.

"He pushed her against the car, looks like he put his hand around her neck," Waters said of the suspect.

Parker added that when McNew approached the pair, he asked the woman, "Are you alright?" He said the suspect responded, telling McNew: "It's family business, stay out of it."

The suspect then went back to the woman and started arguing again as she was grabbing him in an attempt to get him back into the Mustang, Parker said.

Parker said the suspect picked up the gun he left on the hood and pointed it at McNew, but didn't fire.

He said the man and the woman got back into the Mustang.

"They end up leaving; she's driving the vehicle," Parker said. "The male, according to witnesses that we've talked to here at the scene, hangs out the other window and shoots multiple times, striking our off-duty officer."

McNew was taken to a local hospital, where he was pronounced dead, Parker said.

"He's the epitome of what we expect from a law enforcement professional. That is, he was off duty, he was in plainclothes, he saw something happening, he tried to intervene, which is the absolute right thing to do as a decent human being and not only that, but as a professional," Waters said of McNew. "Unfortunately, this clown decided to take his life. But I'm glad that he's going to have to answer for his decision."

[crownmemes]

Life Sentences, Vol. 1

(Sentences from Life (2007-2009). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"It's bad in there. It's your first day back. If you don't think you can handle it, I can do it myself."

"Why exactly would the universe make fun of us all?"

"When exactly was the last time you actually met a normal person?"

"Shouldn't innocent until proven guilty be a thing with all of us?"

"Hey, you're that guy, aren't you?"

"I think I might go up into space. You can pay the Russians to take you up there now."

"Do you think it's smart of you to let a convicted felon handle your money?"

"Why would you say something like that? What kind of person says something like that?"

"It's juvenile what you're doing."

"I want to be the un-wobbling pivot at the centre of an ever-revolving universe. I want to be still."

"You pulled a knife on the suspect?"

"They only look like angels, but they're not. They're aliens."

"May I ask when you lost your faith?"

"Just because her wings were fake doesn't mean she can't be a real angel."

"I can tell that you have money. I can tell that it's new money, and I can tell that you don't know what to do with their money."

"My faith has been gone for so long I can't remember when it was that I lost it, or if I ever even had it."

"You have no idea how the real world works, do you?"

"Focus on the words I'm actually saying, okay?"

"If you saw a crime about to happen, what would you do?"

"Conspiracies are how bored people pass the time."

"You're stepping over a line here. You might want to step back."

"Be careful about having expectations - they only lead to disappointment."

"Of course I'm awake; sleep is for babies."

"How come you only call me when someone's dead?"

"Don't all husbands lie to their wives?"

"Knowing what you went through, it would be crazy if you didn't go crazy."

"If you keep going where you're going, you're going to find trouble - whether it was there to begin with or not."

"I spent my childhood trying to work out if my dad was only mean or just plain bad."

"How come you're not on a beach somewhere?"

"Do I look like I tan?"

"Dating was simpler when I was younger."

[donttalkaboutmemes]

Treasure Planet (2002) Sentence Meme Pt 1

Under the cut you will find 100+ sentences from Treasure Planet (2002) to use for your enjoyment!     

"On the clearest night, when the winds of the Etherium were calm and peaceful, the great merchant ships with their cargoes of Arcturian saura crystals felt safe and secure."

"Little did they suspect they were pursued by pirates."

"I thought you were asleep an hour ago."

"Mom, I was just getting to the best part! Please?"

"Can those eyes get any bigger?"

"Flint's secret trove was never found, but stories have persisted that it remains hidden somewhere at the farthest reaches of the galaxy, stowed with riches beyond imagination, the loot of a thousand worlds."

"How do you think he did it? How'd he swoop in out of nowhere and vanish without a trace?"

"Okay, now it's time for this little spacer to go to sleep."

"You think somebody'll ever find Treasure Planet?"

"I think it's more like a legend."

"Sorry. It's been a madhouse here all morning."

"What brings you here curious little one?"

"Oh, they're so adorable at that age."

"I know he had some rough spots earlier this year, but I really think that he's starting to turn a corner."

"Thank you. I will take it from here."

"Don't ever let me do that again."

"We see his type all the time, ma'am. Wrong choices. Dead-enders. Losers."

"Do you want to go to juvenile hall? Is that it?"

"Look at me. It's been hard enough keeping this place afloat by myself without you going..."

"I just don't want to see you throw away your entire future."

"I really don't know how you manage it. Trying to run a business while raising a felon...fellow...like him."

"Managing it? I'm at the end of my rope."

"Hey mister? Mister, you okay in there?"

"He's a-comin'. Can you hear him? Those gears and gyros clickin' and whirrin' like the devil himself!"

"Hit your head there pretty hard, didn't ya?"

"Mom's gonna love this."

"I keep dreaming one day I'll open that door and there he'll be just the way he was. A smiling, happy little boy holding a new pet and begging me to let him keep it."

"He'll be comin' soon. Can't let him find this."

"The cyborg! Beware the cyborg!"

"I just spoke with the constabulary. Those blaggard pirates have fled without a trace."

"Certainly a lot of trouble over that odd little sphere. Those markings baffle me. Unlike anything I've ever encountered."

"It means that all that treasure is only a boat ride away."

"Whoever brings it back would hold an eternal place atop the pantheon of explorers."

"This is it. This is the answer to all our problems."

"Don't you remember all those stories?"

"Would you please explain how ridiculous this is?"

"It's totally preposterous, traversing the entire galaxy alone. That's why I'm going with you."

"I'll use my saving to finance the expedition. I'll commission a ship, hire a captain and crew."

"All my life I've been waiting for an opportunity like this and here it is screaming Go [name], go [name]."

"I know that I keep messing everything up and I know that I let you down, but this is my chance to make it up to you. I'm gonna set things right."

"You said yourself, you've tried everything. There are much worse remedies than a few character-building months in space."

"Are you saying this because it's the right thing or because you really want to go?"

"I don't want to lose you."

"I'll make you proud."

"This should be a wonderful opportunity for the two of us to get to know one another. You know what they say, familiarity breeds, um...well...contempt..."

"How cool is this?"

"Good morning, captain. Everything shipshape?"

"I'm not the captain. The captain's aloft."

"I've checked this miserable ship from stem to stern, and as usual, it's spot on. Can you get nothing wrong?"

"You flatter me, captain."

"Nasty business, but I won't bore you with my scars."

"You know I don't mean a word of it."

"I'd like a word with you in my stateroom."

"To muse and blubber about a treasure map in front of this particular crew demonstrates a level of ineptitude that borders on the imbecilic. And I mean that in a very caring way."

"In the future you will address me as captain or ma'am. is that clear?"

"Again, with the greatest possible respect, zip your howling screamer."

"Let me make this as monosyllabic as possible. I don't much care for this crew you hired. They're...how did I describe them? I said something rather good this morning before coffee."

"There you go, Poetry."

"I'd love to chat. Tea, cake, the whole shebang...but I have a ship to launch."

"That woman! That feline! Who does she think is working for whom?"

"I'll not tolerate a cross word about our captain! There's no finer officer in this or any galaxy!"

"Had I know, I'd have tucked in me shirt."

"Don't be too put off by this hunk of hardware. These gears have been tough getting used to, but they do com ein mighty handy from time to time."

"I'm nothin' if I ain't a kidder."

"You jiggle-headed blob of mischief! So that's where you was hiding!"

"He took a shine to me. We been together ever since."

"We're about to get underway. Would you like to observe the launch?"

"Captain's orders! See to it the new cabin boys kept busy!"

"So, captain's put you with me, eh?"

"Who be a humble cyborg to argue with a captain?"

"Off with you, lad, and watch the launch. There'll be plenty work a-waitin' for you afterwards."

"We best be keepin' a sharp eye on this one, eh? We wouldn't want him strayin' into things he shouldn't."

"Tis a grand day for sailing. And look at you, you're as trim and as bonny as a sloop with new sails and a fresh coat of paint."

"You can keep that kind of flim-flammery for your spaceport floozies."

"You cut me to the quick, captain. I speaks nothin' but me heart at all times."

"I got two new friends I'd like you to meet. Say hello to Mr. Mop and Mrs. Bucket."

"Watch it, twerp."

"Cabin boys should learn to mind their own business."

"You got something to hide, bright eyes?"

"Maybe your ears don't work so well."

"Any last words, cabin boy?"

"You know the rules. There'll be no brawling on the ship."

"Any further offenders will be confined to the brig for the remainder of the voyage. Am I clear?"

"A tight ship's a happy ship."

"I want this deck swabbed spotless and heaven help you if I come back and it's not done."

"Keep an eye on this pup and let me know if there be any more distractions."

"If you pardon my plain speaking, gentlemen, are you all stark-raving totally blinking daft!?"

"After all me finagling getting us hired as an upstanding crew, you want to blow the whole mutiny befor it's time?"

"The boy was sniffing about."

"You just stick to the plan, you bug-brained twit."

"I'll run him so ragged he won't have time to think."

"Thank heaven for little miracles."

"Didn't your pap ever teach you to pick your fights a bit more carefully? Your father not the teachin' sort?"

"He was more the taking off and never coming back sort."

"Hey, no big deal. I'm doing just fine."

"Since the captain has put you in my charge like it or not, I'll be pounding a few skills into that thick head of yours to keep you out of trouble."

"From now on, I'm not letting you out of me sight. You won't so much as eat, sleep, or scratch your bum without me say-so."

"Don't do me any favors!"

"You can be sure of that, my lad. You can be sure of that."

"You having a little trouble there?"

"If I could maneuver a skiff like that when I was your age, they'd be bowing in the streets when I walked by today."

[charfletchh]

ic task 4: interrogations

Charlie was hungover.

Not the kind of hangover that gave you a mild headache and a good story, but the kind that made you shiver and your heart beat out of your chest, the kind that had you locating the nearest trash can every time you enter the room, the kind that made your whole body simultaneously limp and wired. No better day to be interrogated, she guessed.

She walked into the administration office that had been co-opted for interrogations looking more like a victim than a suspect- hair unwashed and bedraggled, last night's eyeliner halfway down her face. Likely not the way her father would like her to present herself. If she'd told him what was going on at Ogden, he might have flown out here with some other fancy lawyer and taken her to Nordstrom for a sensible pantsuit. But she hadn't told him what was going on at Ogden. She didn't think he cared much what she did in school anymore- She didn't think having a felon for a daughter could embarrass her father much more than she already had.

"Good morning," she grumbled to the surprisingly hot cops (damn, maybe she should have showered this morning). "Let's get this over with."

One of them pushed a cup of coffee her way. She didn't touch it. "Charlotte, I'm Agent Choi, and these are my coworkers Agents Murray and Brown. Thanks for joining us here today- we just have some questions for you." She nodded, mouth suddenly so dry she wasn't sure she trusted herself to respond.

"Charlie, right? That's what your friends call you?" She nodded again, mute. "And you were friends with Greer? Could you elaborate on that relationship?"

She coughed hoarsely. "Greer and I were friends. Good friends, I guess. We went out together a lot, that kind of thing."

She knew she hadn't given the right answer when Agent Murray in the back pursed her lips. "Charlie," Agent Brown interjected, "several other students have brought up your... relationship with Greer. Why do you think they thought that was relevant?"

It was a testament to her narcissism that her first impulse was to ask what people had said. "I mean, everyone knew we were friends. We were all over each other's Insta, it wasn't a secret." She paused. "Sometimes we fought- not like, physically fought or anything," she stumbled over her words to clarify. "Just in the way you fight with people you love. Over stupid shit. Maybe some people thought we were mad at each other, but we never really were." Right?

The pit in her stomach only grew as the police across the table from her stayed stoic. She wasn't used to this, not being able to turn a room to her side with just a smile and a joke, and she didn't have a lot of experience feeling like she was under attack. Only with Greer. "Right. Let's switch gears, Miss Fletcher," Agent Murray spoke up. "As I'm sure you're aware, the videos submitted for Ogden College's 250th anniversary were leaked in advance. Can you talk about the video you submitted? Give us some context?" Charlie wasn't sure if there really was disdain dripping from her words, or if she was projecting.

"Context? They're boobs. Do you need a visual aid?" She shot back, smarting from the humiliation of knowing all these strangers had seen her half-naked. "I did something stupid, and now a lot of weirdos can see it on the Internet whenever they want. It really fucking sucks, and no one cared. That's the context." Her patience was waning.

If she caught it right, it looked like a kind of warning glance passed between her questioners. "Okay, we can move on. Did you know Greer submitted a video?"

"No," she answered flatly.

"Were you aware of Greer traveling to Portugal this summer?"

"No," she answered flatly again.

“Had Greer brought up breaking up with The Naive Newcomer ever? Or anything of the sort, like she did in her video?” 

"I'm sure you can guess, but the answer is no."

"Did you have any reason to believe Greer would want to leave Ogden College?"

"Let me tell you all something about Greer. Anyone who says they had special insight into her special mind is lying. She did a lot of shit that she didn't tell anyone about. I wouldn't have been surprised if she went off to Portugal, I wouldn't have been surprised if her time capsule video was her dancing with the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, I wouldn't have been surprised if she and her boyfriend broke up fifty times and got back together a day later," she spat out. "She was my friend and I hardly knew her. I told her everything, and she didn't tell me shit. Happy?" She stood to leave.

"Charlotte, sit down," Agent Brown stood as she did, using a tone of voice that reminded her of her mother. That just made it worse. "We're not finished."

"Really? I am. This is so fucking stupid, I've already said everything I know." She thought she might be about to cry and she wasn't sure why.

"Just one more question, Charlie," Agent Choi raised his hands in the kind of gesture they teach you to calm rabid dogs. "Is there anything you know that you're not sharing?"

"No," she lied, and walked out of the silent room to the hallway, where she promptly threw up.