#I'm a little lost now without it

[jadethe2nd]

Chapter 1 of 8, posting daily

Rating: E (mostly for this first chapter)

Words: 3k for the chapter, 14k+ for the whole fic

Summary: Tom Paris and Kathryn Janeway have a fling, years before Voyager. Then things get complicated.

Written for Voyager Week, Day 3: Favorite Relationship (Janeway/Paris)

Background info if anyone is interested:

Sooo.

When I saw the Voyager Week prompts my first thought was, hey, I could write a ficlet for each prompt. And then the more sensible part of my brain went no, Jade, you don't have time for that. Just do Caretaker.

OK. I'll do Caretaker. Three vignettes, one set before the episode, one during, one after. 1k each, 3k total. Done.

That, obviously, Did Not Happen. When I say 14k+ for the whole thing... that's a big "+". Which I will explain when I post chapter 8.

I would say I'd have been better off with the "one ficlet per prompt" idea, except I've enjoyed writing this so much. So so much.

Also, the "during Caretaker" part is now in chapters 4 and 5, so if I post daily that means chapter 5 will land neatly on the Caretaker prompt day anyway. Yay.

I hope someone enjoys reading this as much as I did writing it :)

[frunbuns]

There's something so bittersweet about the childhood flashbacks in tua. They were all children together. Reginald was horrible, but they had each other. And then everything went to shit. Five's 13 year old body a bitter reminder of what once was. His siblings in their adult bodies a reminder of how things should've been. God,,,,

[legionofpotatoes]

everyone hates crunch and everyone wants the new dragon age to have 4x the scope with 8x the quantum content

[bredforloyalty]

what were u studying? and why did you quit if it’s not too personal

of course it's not too personal! (this is my blog where i yap hdsgvy and i'm just touched anyone even asks)

short version is it made me want to off myself so i stopped / i stopped studying psychology because of my psychological problems ahaha and also i didn't want it all that much to begin with, and also i might have some problems with studying itself (some kind of brain problem), and also the circumstances because i'm back at home and it's not good, and also i'd just rather work and focus on anything else other than a "career" now. i don't want assignments i want something to do with my hands and people to see. i want to enjoy things again. and not have this hanging over my head

longer version: i was doing a psychology bachelor's, i had one course—a research project—to go and the final exam after that. this was my third time with this subject, because, well there are three types of research projects we have to do and the essay type was fine (no data, no stats, just theory), then the questionnaire research i failed in the 4th semester. 5th semester i tried to do both the questionnaire and the experiment research projects (both requiring like actual collection of data) and could only finish the one i had begun before, bc i didn't have to do a wholly different one of the same kind of questionnaire research, i could just pick up the one i had before. these are ~15 page scientific papers by the way, title page and sources and all not included. so i finished that, but i had to ask for an extension and then ANOTHER extension. and i cried most days. it was bad. i got a 5 (A). at this time i was still living in another city, where the campus is, away from home, and this helped, that i was alone in my apartment And i had a friend talking me through the whole process (!!). and it was easier research than the ones that would come after, genuinely. 6th semester (last one), you're not really supposed to do research, because if you want to graduate w everyone else, you have to hand it in about 2 months into the semester, because you have to compile all your research into a portfolio and upload it, so they'll let you take the final exam during the exam period of that semester

now, the first problem was i couldn't do it in 2 months, so i was gonna do the final exam and get the diploma next semester, so a whole summer later. and i moved back home. this freaked out my mother big time. i'll never forget the 3 hours in the car on our way back from the apartment, after we packed up. she was vicious. anyway not only did i not hand in my portfolio, i just couldn't finish the paper. worked a little over the summer, i tried again with new research this september, traveled there and back in the same day (mondays) to talk to the consultant. i finally got a student job, it was and is sooo important to me because i like the environment and the people there are actually normal. and treat me like a person. i was always told and i feared that i'd never get a job or i'd be fired because i'm stupid and incompetent and i can't handle a "real" job (→ i had to study and do something intellectual) and this was not the case.. all of my fears were unfounded actually everything is okay there and i'm not an unpleasant person that customers avoid. in fact i'm pleasant. and i get on well with everyone there. i really like making coffee, i'm kind of looking for a full-time barista job or something similar right now

um. for context my dad does physical work and my mom is white collar. they're getting a divorce now, both just unhappy people, my dad's a misogynist they really hate each other he's hurt my mom a lot. etc. my mom really really really wanted me to get a diploma, she thinks the only reason i would opt out is laziness and a general disinterest for all useful things in life (i think this is related, she wants me to have a better life than dad and to be a different, better person). i couldn't stand her breathing down my neck. two days ago she checked on me SEVEN times during the day, asking if i'm studying (i wasn't btw). my home life is frequently awful even without the added stress of studying, i just couldn't do it anymore. i never even liked studying, it made me miserable most of the time, to have things that i Must do by a certain deadline. some lectures/seminars were fun and stimulating and some weren't, some schools of thought i'm really interested in and others i think are horseshit, this is normal stuff. still, i didn't really find my place within psychology ? and anyway, if i decided i wanted to be a child therapist or a family therapist or work in adoption, it's a looong road there.

if i can only do a 15 page research paper with several extensions and while using up all of my energy to deal with the personal/mental health crisis that is "important project", Without actually ever dealing and resolving this crisis (because, i did try again and again and the same crisis would set in every time), the master's degree is just out of the question. psych BA is half a degree, it's useless in this country without the master's. except for being able to say "i have a degree", it's good for that, some employers ask for only that. and there are certain MAs you can do with a psych BA that aren't psych so of course it wouldn't have been useless. but that's just not reason enough to keep doing this, y'know? it was painful and destabilizing, i couldn't let go of this idea that my academic success or my output or my work is what i'm worth. intellectually, personally. so if i don't do well, i'm dumb or i can't think in complex concepts or my. executive functions are just subpar and i'll never make it in fields that require any studying at all (ofc as i saw it, this last thing would still be my fault because i should've learned to study better and should've worked on my attention span and should've just Wanted it harder and learned to stick with things, and learned to do stuff i don't want to do, or that i don't enjoy doing).

this was untenable, i worked myself into these states, my family couldn't deal with me or help me either. but the main reason i've decided to quit uni (for now; for at least a year i'm quitting and then i'll see if i resume the program) is i want to do something on my own terms. and not be obligated to finish this for my mother, or to be the kind of person she requires me to be. i can't be that person. i'm my own person. as long as i live here and i'm studying (and failing and trying again and failing and-), i can't be my own person. if i finish this program, it has to be because i'm in a better place and ideally getting more support and because i really want it. and it's my thing. currently uni isn't my thing, it's my mother's thing... so yeah i'm much happier now that i've let go of this, and promised myself i'd do what i can to be financially stable (somewhat) and to move out!

[kyouka-supremacy]

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[maddieandangel]

Had a weird Hollow Knight-related dream a couple days ago, so I decided to draw a major scene I remembered from it dgsgshf

More context will be in the tags, for those interested!

[loumauve]

Sable pic spam bc I'm ridiculously attached to this buggy game

[knaveofmogadore]

You ever wake up from a dream so fucked that you have to sit there for 10 minutes after waking to rewrite the ending so that you can move on with your day or are you normal

[morrigan-sims]

What a difference a few years makes...

Rook at age 17-18 vs age 26 & Val at age 17 vs age 32

Not a whole lot changed appearance-wise for Rook, except for getting a few more ear piercings and a lot more scars (most of which you can't even see in these pictures). And he started wearing rings/necklaces, which you can't really see. And started wearing increasingly slutty shirts. Val also gained a scar or two, plus several tattoos. Their horns were broken when they were 17, so pre-17 they had full horns. Oh, and the eyepatch. That's a big one. And they got enough money to buy themself a big hat and a lot of fancy coats.

[averlym]

pleaaase may i have 28 and 29 aramour angst ✨ i crave it

28: “Move out of my way before I make you.” // 29: “You deserve better.” (prompt list here)

click for better quality!

[elizabeth-mitchells]

[gu6chan]

just tried biking all 13ish km of the road i live on right now since the weather is decently nice and funny enough

1. I've known this road since I was like 4

2. I've never seen the other half of it till today. im 27

and oh my GOD i was not expecting to be hit back to back with four steep as SHIT hills. Like I saw the first one and am like "Oh! What a nice little challenge, it's like the hill I bike up when I come home from town" and then RIGHT a couple feet after is ANOTHER and im tired but rev myself up like "I do it every day I can make it" and for a while it's all chill until i see the biggest hill of my LIFE going right down into a four-way pass and am like "oh my god"

Anyways I get pass that and there's an even bigger one right on the other side and knowing how dead it is, i decide to risk it and ZIP right through there but this bastard is so big and im so tired i have to hop off my bike like "yeah. im turning back after this" and i did 😭 i didn't make it y'all...... I had another 6km to go why is this road so fucking LONG

[hazellight11]

New discord status has been FOILED they don't got an emoji anywhere near randy's head. Smartphone or rotary phone or handheld receiver but no cell phone with buttons even remotely like his :(

[depresseddepot]

I'm trying to find ways to slowly ease my way into taking walks (debilitating social anxiety) so I was going to download pokemon go again but my phone is too old :(

[starpros-sunshine]

I still think the more I think about it that sanctuary at it's core is a perfectly understandable reaction on Eichis part I mean have you read blackbird imagine being Eichi and experiencing that. I would also go insane if the guy that's stuck with me through weal and woe — who's been a main motivation for me to keep on living by being kind of the reason I fell in love with idols in the first place which is a fact about me that proceeded to shape the narrative at it's very core and who I'm so close to it makes other people uncomfortable sometimes, yet I feel like I don't know him at all and like there's this chasm between us still — just disappeared without any notice for a few days at least and then I find out he's hypnotized himself to play around with some boring kid from his theater circle because he wasn't able to do that as a child. Shakes you there are so many layers to the Sanctuary thing when you think about it of course Eichi was being eaten up by jealousy I would be too for god's sake imagine thinking you're getting closer to someone and then they pull a stunt like that. Why would he rather toy around with this boring weirdo who doesn't even know him like Eichi does that should've been Eichi stuck in that construction area with Wataru not Tomoya! It's only logical because Tomoya hasn't been through what they've been through together. And Eichi is petty and a menace and I still think it was overly dramatic and a tad bit of an asshole move to just leave Tomoya there because he was angry with him while Tomoya was just some guy roped into this without his will or knowledge but I get it. In a way I understand it. I think it's over the top but what is Eichi Tenshouin if not over the top and a little (or very) dumb sometimes and you know what they say about how love makes blind yeah I think that also applies to common sense there.

[mapofthemazeinthemirror]

I'm convinced people who leave their blog blank are people who just go through writer's masterlists and don't actually follow or view the rest of the blog, so they don't even see posts begging them to not be blank or explaining why.