#also PSA i die a little inside when i see the same person liking big portions of work and not reblogging a thing

[mapofthemazeinthemirror]

I'm convinced people who leave their blog blank are people who just go through writer's masterlists and don't actually follow or view the rest of the blog, so they don't even see posts begging them to not be blank or explaining why.

[riathedreamer]

Zero is Null

A discussion of Zero’s love-hate-relationship with RvB and struggling independence; including a hotdog too big for the bun, tragic backstories, a single bow-chicka-bow-wow, and a cookie at the very end.

Welcome to what will be a lot of text. Basically, it will explore why Zero fails as an RvB (with emphasis on RvB) season. I will not be the first one to bring forth some of the points, and I promise to be fair and civil and fun. This isn’t supposed to be a piece of hate – in fact, I’m writing this because I love Red vs. Blue.

Okay, first of all, to increase your fun – take a guess on just how much of Zero is spent on fight scenes. You see, I’ve calculated the exact amount, and I will reveal it later, but for now, take a guess and remember the number. Maybe you are the winner!

Alright, time to share my thoughts. Wait! Since I suffer from anxiety and have this one annoying voice pretending to be all those critical statements my opinion could be met with, let’s give it an actual voice and address the points throughout this review.

“Why would I care about your opinion, Ria?” – I don’t know, you’re the one who clicked Read More.

“Your opinion doesn’t matter!” – Of course, it doesn’t! Geez. Do you think your opinion matters, though? Listen, we’re on Tumblr, the actual equivalent of screaming into the void. And it’s fun, too!

“If you don’t like it, don’t watch!” - *activates Uno Reverse Card* “You can’t talk about something you haven’t watched!”

“You’re just a Hater” – Actually, this is a point I’ll come back to. Like a cliffhanger. Also, at the end of this, there’ll be a cookie. But this will also include me talking about the stuff I like, because, surprise, Zero is not without talent!

“You just don’t like it because the Reds and Blues aren’t in it!” – Actually, that’s a good point, so instead, this review will start with a sole focus on Zero and discuss the problem that lies within that story. Then we can address why the lack of OG cast is understandable and problematic and weird.

But first! Backstory.

When the first 5 second teaser dropped back in spring (you know, when we were young and innocent and the world didn’t feel like an apocalyptic movie yet), I held onto that one image of what I thought (hoped) to be Grif and Simmons in the sunset, hopefully addressing Grif’s hateglue arc, but boy was I wrong because a) that’s not Simmons, that’s Sarge, and b) the image was from a PSA since the Reds are not in Zero.

Actual face-reveal of me below:

Admittedly, when I heard that the Reds and Blues were not going to be the main characters (or even show up), it felt like a gut punch. However, I actually found myself getting excited due to the creators’ hype. I want to praise them for this. It’s been a while since an RvB season was talked so much ABOUT before its release; it had advertisements, it had creators and voice-actors talking about it. Please. More of that in the future. Their passion rubbed off on me, and that deserves recognition. So it pains me that this was clearly a passion-project, and then when I gave it a try, I didn’t want to touch it again for weeks.

Here’s the thing. I cannot whole-heartedly say that Zero is bad. It’s not gonna melt your eyes. It’s not even so-bad-it’s-good. For me, it’s meh. It’s a Saturday-morning-cartoon aimed for a younger audience with a rushed plot and clichéd characters. The problem is that it calls itself RvB, and with that title comes something to live up to – but more importantly, something to continue.

My main issue is that Zero forces its story into existence by ignoring established content rather than adjusting to it. Let’s call this for the hotdog-too-big-for-the-bun syndrome solely for the sake of the bow-chicka-bow-wow that’s coming now. Bow-chicka-bow-wow. Many of the separate issues I will dive into all add to this hotdog-issue, so I will scream “Hotdog!” whenever this is the case so we can all keep track of my argument.

You can continue the story of Red vs. Blue without the Reds and Blues. While that would personally crush my heart, it can be done. There’s a story of Red vs. Blue that can be continued. The world can be expanded, the previous actions of the Reds and Blues can be explored from another angle.

So.

How does Zero do this? It doesn’t.

I just want to make it clear that new elements can definitely be added when it comes to worldbuilding. That’s literally the point of sequels. But Zero’s settings are presented with so little grace and with no connection to previously established worldbuilding. We get Alliance of Defense and GLASS thrown in our face as very big important organizations – yet we’ve never heard of them before. A big central plot point of RvB is the UNSC and Project Freelancers, and those were introduced naturally with the plot. We already have big established intergalactic organizations. What is AOD’s connection with those? We aren’t told. We are just told they exist and expected to accept it, no questions asked. If this was a whole new world and story – fine. But when you need to build on an already established worldbuilding, you need more grace than this. Chorus was a whole new setting, but it was explained, and it was connected to the previous plot. Same with Iris. Same with Desert Gulch. In Zero, it feels lazy. It feels forced. These organizations are just there because the story is built around them (HOTDOG).

This vagueness when it comes to wordbuilding is also reflected in the settings - we have a desert, a training base, a lab, temples, Tucker’s workplace, and we do not know if all those are set place on the same planet. If that is the case, what is this planet’s relationship with Chorus? Is it Earth? And most importantly, what is the deal with the temples? Why are they connected to Tucker’s sword if it isn’t the same planet. Are they made by the same aliens? Are people okay with this? Why haven’t these temples been explored before? Chorus makes sure to establish this, while Zero doesn’t, adding to a growing amount of confusion.

Okay, so no connection with previous worldbuilding. What about characters? I mean, we got Wash and Carolina and Tucker! So we have RvB characters, it gotta be RvB! Technically – yeah. But it feels dirty. These three characters are not here to be characters. They are here to be props to the new cast. They are not given any development. Their presence isn’t even that important, and if this was a whole new show, they could easily have been replaced with an unknown face. Worst of all, they feel miswritten.

Carolina and Wash are working at a new military organization? Leaving the Reds and Blues behind? To help people? First of all, fucking bad idea, Carolina, the last time you left the Reds and Blues alone, they changed the timeline. But most importantly – Carolina and Wash just joined this new super elite military organization? After being mistreated and manipulated by such an organization in the past?

Carolina is there to introduce the characters. That’s it. We are force-fed their personality by having her literally read out loud their personality. There is no gentle introduction to the new cast. We are not allowed to get to know them naturally. Why show when you can tell, huh? That’s Carolina’s role. That’s why she is there. To introduce the cast and explain their story. That’s it. (HOTDOG).

How about Wash? He is there to get beat up and be a damsel in distress so that the new cast has a reason to explore the plot. Oh, and that brain damage that was the consequence of previous seasons – gone now. The guy who literally has trauma from having an AI explode inside his head is fine with having a computer inserted into it instead. Because that’s needed. To explore his brain damage wouldn’t work now when his role is to be a prop to lure the new cast for one episode and then be put onto the bench for the rest of the runtime (HOTDOG).

And Tucker – he is there to die for a second and have his sword taken from him. That’s literally it. And for the few moments he is there, he feels like old super flirty Tucker, which erases the character development he went through in previous seasons. Okay, so Tucker dies, and then not dies, and then he is put on the bench with Wash where they can sit and talk or whatever (‘cause holy shit, the new cast is not allowed to that), because he isn’t important. The sword is. Tucker is just a prop, even more than his sword is (HOTDOG).

Damn. Wash gets beat up. Tucker gets beat up. Dies. Gets his sword taken away. Almost seems like a Red’s wet dream. Sorry not sorry, Blues, you were done dirty.

So there are miswritten old characters. Even worse is the retconning. The plot needs a “normal” Wash, so, bam, magic computer solution. Never mind Wash’s trauma and character traits. Never mind the logic of the new worldbuilding which also includes a character suffering for years to heal an illness. But the brain damage that was such a big consequence that it became the main part of the plot of the last two seasons – gone. I mean, a gunshot to the head can be healed by CPR. That’s canon. But no one gave Wash CPR so it’s a big thing, okay. It was canonically a big thing, and Zero erased that. This is not me saying that a Cerebral Enhancer couldn’t work in the RvB universe. Imagine it being done right. Wash struggling with the choice of getting used to his disability or accepting the possibility of help - at the cost of reliving his trauma. The struggle between what to choose - what should he choose when he wants to help as many as possible, the sacrifices he thinks he has to make, the way it could have been used as a part of his character growth. But in Zero, the enhancer isn’t a part of Wash’s character. It’s there so the story can work without having to deal with the previous plot’s consequence (HOTDOG).

Same with the sword thing. They sorta explain it by having Tucker flatline, but it’s weak. Honestly, I find it sorta offensive. What about Locus’ sword as well? It’s twisting previous lore to make the new plot work (HOTDOG). (Also, are we not gonna talk about the ultimate power being Spencer Porkensenson’s helmet? Have the writers forgotten Spencer Porkensenson? Have we as a community forgotten Spencer Porkensenson?)

If you have Red vs. Blue in your title, you cannot ignore what you inherit from it. You need to respect the worldbuilding, the established characters, and the previous plot. Zero does not do this.

Let’s talk about the Triplets. No, really, let’s do it. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about them before, because season 14 was a mixed bag for me (that I have now learned to appreciate. Thank you, Zero.) because I have heart at the size of the Grinch and can only love a few characters at a time, and that did not include the Triplets. Can’t even remember their names. Well, I can, but I can’t for the love of me remember which state is which, and my tongue is twisted every time I try to say Ohio, Iowa, and Idaho, and I know it’s on purpose. I know it is. And it got me good. That being said, the fandom actually embraced them really, really well! Seriously, I’ve seen more content for the Triplets than for Zero as a whole.

Why talk about the Triplets? (Was Iowa the lesbian? Or was it Ohio? Fuck.) Because like Zero, they introduced new characters with a story of their own. The Reds and Blues didn’t play a role. But here’s what I feel like the Triplets got right. They didn’t change the settings to force their narrative. They used stuff already established (Project Freelancer), added their own story as a continuation of that. They even included old characters in the beginning (Wash and some other Freelancers) but it felt natural and it didn’t feel like it happened at the expense of the old characters. Wash’s writing felt natural, and his presence wasn’t needed to tell these new character’s stories. He wasn’t a prop to them. He was there to establish the setting and to establish the relationship with these new characters, and then he and the other familiar faces (helmets??) left, and we as the viewers were left with these new characters. And the new characters told their own story by themselves. It felt like, hey, here’s something you know – remember Mother of Invention, and remember Wash’ lower rank, but now, try to imagine being even lower rank than him, aren’t you curious about those fates? Now let’s hear their story! It was new, it was something else, but it didn’t wreck what came before it, and it stayed true to the classic vibes of RvB.

As I said before, the hotdog-issue is my biggest problem with Zero. It infuriates me. I will return to this. But there are more issues, even if we try to look past the title-related problems.

If we try to imagine Zero as its own story and universe (as it should be, in my opinion), it still earns the meh review from me.

These isolated issues include awkwardness, the writing, lack of self-awareness, and pacing. First of all, holy shit, this is a tell, don’t show. Nothing is subtle, nothing is allowed to develop. It’s like the show thinks you are six years old with an attention span of a goldfish. You are not just led by the hand – they have literally pulled off your arm by the end of the show. We are force-fed every bit of information, every bit of personality from these new characters.

The voice-acting is a mixed bag for me. Sometimes it’s pretty good, sometimes it’s not. Some of the problems can definitely be blamed on the dialogue that you can only do so much with. It’s not good. I can’t remember any good jokes (the one joke I really appreciate was the cast on armor, and that was freaking visual humor. That was so RvB. Kudos to that. It was fun. More of that, please.), and RvB is known for having memorably good lines. This is a show built on good, clever, funny dialogue. Zero does not deliver. You have to sit through clichéd lines – “You’re not my dad”, “I trusted you”, “Come with me”, “It can’t be!”, “She’s way too powerful”, and “We have to do this together” – performed unironically. I cringed more than I laughed. Worst thing is that Zero could be a good parody. Sometimes, it feels like it is. One-dimensional characters, a villain wanting ‘the ultimate power’, very overpowered characters, bad one-liners, etc. But Zero takes itself seriously, and I was one of the people rooting for Jax to show up at the end and yell “Cut”. That would have been a funny-as-fuck twist. A spin-off parody. If I can’t have “Sarge the Movie”, I would have taken that and loved it. I would have forgiven everything. “We put so much info into finding that power, but we had no idea what it was” is really a line in the finale, and I cannot believe this is real in a show that somehow still tries to present itself as serious. What a plot.

We have to talk about pacing. God, first of all it should be stated that RvB is a mess when it comes to pacing. I honestly get what they were going for. Sometimes, RvB has come across as a bit boring when you get three episodes stretched over three weeks without much going on. I know season 11 did not have the warmest welcome because it was seen as boring until the finale. But when you see season 11 as a whole, as a movie, as a part of a trilogy, it works so well. Zero is more focused on being episodic. They want something to happen all the time so we will stay tuned. The thing that will happen – a fight. Oh god. The fight scenes.

I have done the math. I have run the numbers. I deserve a freaking cookie for this. Are you ready?

If you put all the episodes together, you have a runtime of 106 minutes. HOWEVER, with the introduction of credits in every episode, you gotta account for this. Removing the credits, this gives us 94 minutes of actual runtime. Out of that, 45 minutes are dedicated to fight scenes. That means 48% of the show is fight scenes.

If I wanted that many fight scenes, I’d watch Death Battle. Except the actual RvB Death Battle episode has a runtime of 20 minutes, and out of that, 5 minutes is dedicated to the actual battle. For the people who hate math – that’s 25% of the actual runtime.

RvB Zero has more fight scenes than a show called Death Battle. Take that in.

The pace suffers from this. Where’s the time to explore the characters? Where’s the time for good dialogue? All I can think of is this:

I get that RvB is a show that’s literally making fun of itself by acknowledging all their characters do is stand around and talk. I get that you want characters to do more than that. But for the love of Church, would it kill the new characters to stand around and talk? For just a minute? Stop fighting, I am begging you, stop fighting! Am I a pacifist now? Am I purple? Have I joined Doc’s team? What has Zero done to me?!

The good thing though is that fight scenes are very good. They’re entertaining. However, they seem to deconstruct themselves when we need to get a fight scene in every episode. Usually, the few fight scenes in an RvB season were in some of the most climatic episodes. In Zero, I can hardly keep up with the pace because they won’t stop moving. Fight scenes aren’t plot. They aren’t character development. You need more than just fight scenes. They entertain, but there’s a limit to that.

Noël Wiggins, the co-writer, stated the inspiration was a Saturday-morning cartoon. They nailed that vibe. If that was their goal, hurray, they have accomplished something! Because of the poor plot and constant fight scenes, it feels like you could just switch on the TV and drop in at any moment and let yourself be entertained by the cool and colorful soldiers punching and kicking each other. I will admit that the fight scenes entertained me. But they don’t make it a good season.

If I were the six-year-old with the attention span of a goldfish that the show believes I am, I honestly would enjoy it. The stiff dialogue and the constant tell-don’t-show makes you feel like an audience that’s not supposed to do anything else but admire the flashy fight scenes. I miss the cleverness of RvB. I miss the characters I get to connect with as I see them grow.

I miss the tone of RvB. Because this isn’t RvB to me.

It’s not that RvB hasn’t changed its tone before. Holy shit, I sorta do want to experience the absolute shock the RvB fandom went through when s6 aired and they were given new characters and serious plot. I would have loved to experience that, but I was too busy being ten years old. The Freelancers seasons also introduced a new tone and more fight scenes with very talented fighters compared to the Blood Gulch gang, but a balance was kept by having half of the season still revolving around the Reds and Blues. But Zero – Zero is so much change. And it’s on purpose. At least this has been made very clear from the beginning.

They constantly seem to appeal to new fans, rather than be directed towards older fans of the show. If you want an entirely new audience with a season with a new cast, new worldbuilding, and new tone, I’m confused as to why they don’t just make a new show. The hotdog-problem begs for this solution. This story and environment and characters feel so out of touch with the original RvB, that with a few rewrites and lack of Halo-armor, it could just be a new show. Problem solved.

If not this, then present it as a spin-off. In all ways, it feels like a spin-off (again, see everything marked HOTDOG). But the creators refuse to do this, and I don’t understand why. I could forgive many of these issues, had they officially separated themselves from canon.

Ah, what’s the idiom? You can’t both swallow and blow? (You can hear the Bow-chicka-bow-wow in the distance). Something about eating cake and having it. Forgive me, English isn’t my native language. POINT IS why are you calling yourself RvB while actively fighting against the core essence of RvB? In my humble opinion, you can’t be both. Marketing it as a spin-off would have granted it some defense when changing, well, literally everything, and I just, would someone please properly describe why it isn’t a spin-off? Isn’t this season marked by its association with the plot of RvB rather than a continuation of it? Zero presenting itself as not a spinoff feels like a toddler clinging to the hem of its mother’s dress while forcefully running away from her, ripping the dress in the process.

When they do connect with the original RvB, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. When they let Carolina, Wash, and Tucker appear for a moment, it feels like luring viewers in with the RvB title. Look at me. Look at me! I’m not saying this is the case. I say that it gives me the annoying vibes of being lured, rather than letting the characters be a part of the show for their own development, rather than having RvB in the title to continue its story. I should not be getting these vibes at all. But I am.

If you want to use RvB in the title, something from the core of RvB needs to be embraced. Things can be changed. They should. Something new should be brought in. But there’s a limit to how much you can change and replace and twist until it would have been better with an original show. As a season of RvB, it should tell the story of Red vs. Blue.

From my perspective, Zero fails to do so.

It pains me that the old cast has been replaced, but as stated earlier, a season could have worked without them. However, I do not like the take that one should be excited about all the new characters. That it isn’t a big thing that the OG cast got replaced. That we should just deal with it. Just, try to imagine another show suddenly replacing the main characters with characters we’ve never met before. Imagine RWBY suddenly only focusing on a new team of huntresses with the previous main characters reduced to an Easter Egg presence, or Camp Camp suddenly being about a new team of campers, no warning given. Can you imagine the outcry? So maybe let’s agree that a replacement of the main cast is a big thing and should be addressed and it’s valid to be upset about this change.

Could Zero have worked? It’s hard to answer this. How can I accept something as RvB if the season actively pushes away the core of RvB aside for an isolated story that could have been told in any other media? As a spinoff, I could have ignored it. To enjoy Zero, I have to fully separate it from RvB in my mind, and then it’s alright. S’not good. But it’s not bad. It’s entertaining enough. I really ended up liking Raymond and Tiny, and there were a few good jokes, and the fight scenes were admirable (but too much) and I love the creators’ passion. But it’s not RvB. I also wish that the new characters had been attached to previous worldbuilding, for example soldiers on Chorus or agents from Project Freelancer. That way we could build on familiar lore which would have decreased the confusion and added a much needed connection with the previous seasons of RvB.

God, the anxious voice is back (by the way, it sounds like Tutter from “Bear in the Blue House”).

“You’re racist” – I hope not. Literally, I do not want to be. Tell me if I’ve ever crossed some lines, because I swear, that is not my intention, I will apologize and most of all, change and do better. I included this because I’ve seen this take thrown around in the big ugly mess that is the fandom clashes regarding Zero. And racism is problem within RT community (this includes AH and RvB, sorry, I just use RT as an umbrella term for the latter), and I’m not saying it hasn’t been a problem with this season. Writers should never be harassed, and never-fucking-ever because of their skin color, and voice actors shouldn’t be treated like they are responsible for the choices of the show. But I was legit nervous to post this review, and I hope it’s been factual without feeling like personal attacks on the creators because that has never been my intention. I was delighted to hear about the diversity behind this project, and Torrian’s passion legit blew me away because it’s been a while since I’ve seen that for an RvB project. I’d hoped for it to be good, and when I feel disappointed, it’s for the reasons stated in this analysis. That said, Zero is made by a diverse cast and it’s made with love, and both of those things are so, so great, but it does not mean that Zero cannot be criticized. It can, and it should. It’s a product, just like all the other seasons, and fans are allowed to discuss it – both what they loved, and both what they found troublesome. And to repeat previous points, and be respectful, always, fuck racists, and never-fucking-ever harass the staff behind a season, what the fuck is wrong with you if you do this.

“Don’t you get it, it’s different because it’s trying something new!” – Hey, remember the philosophical question: if you replace all the parts of a ship one-by-one, is it still the same ship when you’re done? If it doesn’t include the Reds and Blues, if it ignores previous plot, if the old characters feel miswritten, if it values animation over dialogue, if it values fight scenes over comedy, if it wants to be Fast and Furious instead of Red vs. Blue – is it still Red vs. Blue? Because it doesn’t feel like it to me.

“It's been 17 seasons, it’s time to let the Reds and Blues go so someone else can shine!” – I simply do not understand us having been with the Reds and Blues for 17 seasons should be an argument to let them go, rather than be an argument as to why their absence hurt like hell.

“The Reds and Blues ran out of things to do!” – Did- did they, though? I mean, if we were discussing pretty much any other show, I’d probably agree that they were running out of content. But for the Reds and Blues… I think the PSAs nailed it this year! I’m not kidding, I had more fun watching the Reds and Blues discuss how to do laundry than watching Zero. You could literally give me an hour of the Reds and Blues trying to bake a cake or clear a gutter or simply settling down with an ordinary life, and I would trust them to make it worth the watch.

“The flaws were due to the fact it’s only 8 episodes long!” – Look, I can only judge a product the way it’s presented to me. I cannot come up with excuses for it. If they had 8 episodes to work with, they need to come up with a plot that works with this runtime. Seriously, this excuse cannot work when 48% of the season is spent on fight scenes. They could have used more runtime, sure, but the show needs to be able to pace itself and be planned accordingly.

“The OG cast couldn’t be a part of this year, hence Zero!” – That might be true. But. Would one year without RvB kill it? Is Zero necessary? Again, I just can’t judge excuses for the show. But trouble with the cast has been an issue before. Season 15 solves Geoff’s sabbatical by actually making Grif’s absence a part of the plot. Zero’s lack of Reds and Blues just feels like this excuse to tell a story that needn’t be a part of RvB.

Am I a hater? I guess? I greatly dislike Zero for the critique stated above. I do, however, not harass the creators and no one should ever do that. However, I have to admit that I feel there’s been this weird rejection of any critique of Zero where everything’s been brushed off as haters gonna hate, including the critique stated above. And I think that’s a problem because critique, as hard as it can be to hear (and I know this. I’m an author of original works. Weird flex, I know), is valid and necessary and shouldn’t just be shrugged away. As always, both sides of the fandom should always be respectful, but my own opinion is that addressing the flaws of Zero should not be controversial.

Does this super long rant/critique/whatever mean you cannot enjoy Zero? Gods no! I almost envy you if you enjoy this season, but holy shit, feel free to love it and tell the creators that you love it! Me pointing out the issues I have with the season shouldn’t be stopping you. I loved (and still love) s15 when it came out, and it was majorly rejected by the fandom. There were many, many critical posts, people were going on about how RvB should have ended with s13, and it evolved into the writer receiving death threats (me, once again: never ever harass the creators, assholes). But I didn’t tell people to stop being negative. I actually agreed with many of the flaws that were pointed out, and I enjoyed the season despite this, because that is possible. We, as RvB fans, should agree that RvB, is... I mean, it’s not the greatest, most flawless of shows, but we love it nonetheless. So go ahead and love Zero. This is not a stop sign. This is my opinion that you chose to read.

Wait, I promised you a cookie, didn’t I? Well, you’re not getting one. Why? Because I’m a Red and this is my chance to piss off a Blue. As Caboose wisely said: “Well, at least I don't go around... knocking on people's non-doors... and promising them cookies... and then NOT. GIVING. THEM. COOKIES!”

Blue Team sucks.

End speech.

[liveshaunted-moved]

headcanon dump; clary fray

okay, i headcanon’d that clary read the pjo series, and that rachel is the character she loves the most because she also identifies / see’s a lot of herself within rachel in a lot of ways. but, this is also just in, she also likes nico, especially after she reads the ‘outting’ scene, and how she rereads that after she herself was put in a similar situation. she rereads it and cries her eyes out once again.

clary is the type to crush easy

once again it’s their ANGEL BLOOD connection that draws clary out of her dark trances NOT LOVE

clary is totally a musical nerd. she loves them. she is the gay artist into theatre but didn’t want to go into theatre

the order in which i feel clary would come out & to who:

simon & jace (&seelie court) out of force, everyone assumes she kissed jace and simon and jace keep clary’s secret until she is ready because they saw how hard it was for in the court, because she wasn;t ready

her mother ( if she is alive au’s ) / luke

alec, magnus & izzy around the same time

maia a little later

everyone else, when needed

clary’s life force being tied to johnathan’s didn’t fully sink into her until she tried to kill him. normally, she wouldn’t mind herself dying in the process - she just was in shock that, she was truly the reason johnathan was breathing again, and that he will continue to do so so long as she does.

because who wouldn’t be in shock from when you go and stab someone else, you get the exact injury?

clary? totally a fan of the pjo books. she loved rachel dare, she saw a lot of herself in the mortal girl thrown into a world unknown. even more when she finds herself thrown into a world unknown.

For all of Clary’s life, she has believed herself to be mundane. That things like werewolves, vampires and angels were all myths. The only thing she struggled with was finding herself in the sense of who she liked in a way of dating. She thought she had to date men, as that was what was always shown on TV & in books. Basically it was all around. So, she tried to date guys, nothing ever really clicking. Then things with happened when she turned eighteen. Her identity as a mundane ripped from her, and she saw a shot at a heterosexual relationship with Jace. But that got shattered, and she started to wonder. She adjusted to being a shadowhunter easy enough, and she was still figuring out her sexual identity. The Seelie court is when she was forced to be open about it. She was force to look hard at it. Forced to tell her boyfriend and best friend in front of the Seelie Court that she doesn’t like guys that way. That was her truth deep inside. A part of herself was revealed in a way that it shouldn’t have been.

clary was practically paralysed by the fall, and if simon hadn’t gotten there in time - an iratze or warlock magic wouldn’t have fixed it. it would have been permanent. but this isn’t to say she doesn’t still suffer from pains. the iratze could only heal so much, and she suffers from pains in her back from time to time. it will flare up and she won’t tell anyone because an iratze couldn’t heal the pain. an iratze an only do so much - and will only fix new problems. there will be days where she can’t move at all, or her fighting is way off due to the pain in her back and neck.

as stated in my psa about the shadowhunter divergent i have, i do accept season one’s cl@ce as being there, as well as cl!mon. but i headcanon her as lesbian. yes this is true. i headcanon her as having experienced compulsive heterosexuality, trying to convince herself that she can be attracted to men. but ultimately, when faced with the seelie queen - she is forced to accept this truth, that she does not like males like that.

she didn’t want to do it then and there, because at the time she was still dating simon. she didn’t want to publicly humiliate her best friend - but she had too. she didn’t like that she had to come out that way, because no one should be forced out. but once she is comfortable with her sexuality, she lets people know. luke, izzy & alec being the first few after the court. then maia when she admits a crush on the girl.

clary, remembering every bully who ever bullied simon? you bet! her coming across them once she’s become a shadowhunter and giving them a beating ( verbal or physical )

because i have found it missing;  clary has her septum pierced, and got it at sixteen - simon, so far is the only one who knows as she tends to keep it up

as an artist (or wannabe artist), clary having her phone sitting away from her and not in her pocket while standing is WRONG, she would have it in her pocket and if she was sitting down, that is when her phone would be at her side. the only reason i see her having her phone on the table, way from her; is if she had bluetooth headphones

fun fact: everyone thinks that clary games because of simon, but truly if anyone got the other onto gaming , it was the other way around. she loved the games because she loved the art form, and wanted to play.

if you don’t think that simon was the first person clary told about her sexuality, you’re wrong. he is her best friend, and the person she trust the most (which is why he’s the only one to know about her septum piercing). and it wasn’t a few more months after telling simon that she told her mother and luke.

clary and simon totally dressed up as ginny and harry one year for halloween

another canon divergence: clary does not even suggest the angel idea, instead actually assist jace, because she knows it was hard for him to even think he needed help, let alone ask/seek out help

she is the kind of person, who when feeling attacked will attack back. wither this is verbal or physical (example the first scene in 1x05 with Alec, he was tearing her down, so she fought back)

clary is as big pop culture nerd, she loves it all, she just doesn’t show it like simon does.

clary doesn’t drink (alcohol) anymore, she did when she was younger and with simon when they raided his mother’s supply (and some of her mothers). but, after seeing the damage that elaine’s had done to simon and rebecca, she swore to herself to never get like that. so, she also swore to never drink again, so she could never end up like that.

clary has a scar on her right arm, from when she fell out of a tree. she was trying to climb the highest. jocelyn didn’t realise her daughter was doing this, until she fell out of the tree

clary didn’t bring back jace because she loved him romantically, but because she cared for him and because alec cared for him, because izzy cared for him, because the people she got close to in the shadowworld care about him. and because she felt that if jace were to die in the field, it shouldn’t be by the hands of their father (bc remember jace calls valentine his father)

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S1 E12

quarantine diaries: may 26 2020

season 1 episode 12: “We Are Grounders: Part I”

🎶“we are [grounders] bum ba dum bum bum bum bum”🎶...i cant be the only one. don’t lie to me like that. you thought it too huh?

“look inside. find your peace” - jaha (1:45) spittin some uncle iroh wise talk here. while also being like YOLO. live it up bitches cuz we all gone die. 

wait did he say commander. so anya isn’t top dog. please tell me my killmonger theory is right. cuz if so this will officially become the best show ever!

haha they really expect me to believe that they killed finn off screen. bitch i think not

what is this star wars? with this chain? clarke is no princess leia.

murphy. big yikes. he’s killing more of the 100 than the grounders. and jasper is just like cool. cool. cool. cool. trying to pretend that he didn’t just see murphy straight up murder that guy

there is no way that these smucks are going to win against the grounders. with this internal conflict. i think not.

this really just turned into a hostage situation. how would have thought. not me. this show constantly just throws in these random situations and i love it. but murphys character just keeps getting worse the more i watch. murphy just stop. just fucking stop it.

waht the hell is that hose clarke is riding. it kinda looks like a thestral to me just minus the wings

plot armor is strong with finn. but i shouldnt be surprised considering that its apparently going to be a wild ride with finns character development

licoln!!! how do these grounders still trust lincoln? also i wish we saw from licolns POV trying to save finn cuz that had to have been epic. did he really all do this for octavia tho? man is whipped for octavia. but is she worth it tho. what does she bring to the table? ***yeah yeah yeah i know that he doing because “what his people are doing to there people is wrong” or whatever but really tho we know this is all for octavia’s pussy.

a mine or is this the cave to two lovers. because i really here for it.

wow is there a slight hint of a romance between abby and jackson. ok cougar. if anyone is questioning me on they’re little heart to heart scene starts on 14:40 and by the end of if jackson is really up in abby’s personal space. plus they might as well because yolo

jasper is not worth trading in prettyboy bellamy.  

“you people are so soft”- lincoln (20:50) and i agree these spacers are gonna get absolutely destroyed by the grounders. like they can’t even keep the peace within their own people. fucking murphy.

honestly bellamy has a lot of faith in raven and jasper to save him during this hostage situation. i could never. 

without bellamy or clakre. the 100 are dead cuz they really didn’t give any characteristics to any of the the other kids in the 100

“we can make bomb.” jasper has its priorities straight. nooo save bellamy first then we can talk bombs.

aaw murphy just wants empathy. **gag** murphy is emo boi went wrong

that cute little family video with clark and wells. giving jaha nostalgia and ideas of how to save his people. but imagine if these to be in modern times. ppl would really be rewatching old vines and tiktoks

headcanon for murphy: murphy is definitely into BDSM. he is waaay too into hanging bellamy to convince me otherwise.

reapers?! bro y’all better get outta there. they look like straight up savages. yeah dont fuck with them

i dont know lincoln that well but this seem a little OOC for him. like really all this is for octavia??? she really that good in bed that youre willing to help her friends against these terrifying motherfucking savages and your girl isn’t even here to see this all happen. hmmmm.. also lets all remember the time that lincoln stabbed finn. now they’re best buds i guess. but at the same time clarke and finn are a little too okay with sending lincoln to his death 

mario cart with a dead but also alive body...this better be important and not just some random plot point that they just threw in here for the ‘wtf is happening’ asthestic but that is never explained

ooo kill’em finn. really resourceful with that rock. no gun. no problem. honestly tho. this show talks a lot about guns but then majority of the deaths we see are not gun related at all. im thinking rn and i cannot come with a single character that has died by a gun shot yet.....

bellamy nooo.. i know he as plot armor but i really don’t wanna see my boy be hanging like that

these guns running out of bullets is a big trope in the show. and im tried of it. 

“i swear to god, the more we learn about this place, the less we know”- clarke (33:57) gurl same. literally when i think i know where his show is going bam! explosion. bam! weird plot point. bam! you thought this character was dead.. sike bam! bam! bam!

finn said “i love you im in love with you.” (34:42) what a time to proclaim your love right after killing a reaper. also its been what less than a month? 90 day fiance who? big ed who? im sorry i keep linking finn with big ed but  the two really be sharing similar hair cuts

the hug between bellamy and jasper my heart. the bromance!! but lets go find monty please!! bring my boy home!!

i just love how during bellamy’s big speech finn was like im thirsty and just grabbed some water. (you don’t believe me do you. timestamp is 37:30. yep i got the receipts) but dude same. i truly wonder tho if that was written in the script of if finn’s actor just took creative freedom. maybe it was done to parallel the fact that finn is thirsty boi wanting raven and clarke at the same time.

reminder: stay hydrated. this is a psa to if you are reading this you are obligated to drink some water. **Cheers to our thirsty boi finn!!

Clarke really be here overriding bellamy’s little speech i love how she started on the high note pretending to agree with bellamy then was like actually tho i disagree. we need to go

these adults/parents are really as chaotic as their kids with this plan of using the ark. 

[emotionallyconfusedpolyglot]

Get those mf tissues ready. Things you remember if you're Gen Z

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Ook and Gluk

Jetpack Joyride

iPods

Nancy Drew

Blue's clues

Drake and Josh

Kim Possible

Spongebob

Dora

Diego

Kai-Lan

Max and Ruby

Rolie Polie Ollie

Maggie and the ferocious beast

Angelina Ballerina

Sesame Street

Clifford

Bob the Builder

Caillou

Fairly Odd parents

Arthur

Suite Life

Dog with a Blog

The Berenstain bears

Teen Titans (and go)

Zoey 101

Ben 10

Atla (and Alok)

House of Anubis

The beer-drinking app on the early days of the iPhone era

Class of the Titans

Drake and Josh

iCarly

Victorious (nothing after that counts)

Wizards of Waverly Place

Chowder

Total drama

George of the Jungle

Totally Spies

What's new Scooby Doo

Scooby Doo : Mystery incorporated

Babar (the old one)

Emily Young

Daniel Cook

Are we There yet? (MF Nat Geo. The things this show should have done for my generation in terms of geography knowledge. I'm going to fucking cry. I might want to be an engineer but kids' education also has a special place in my heart)

Unaccompanied Minors (the movie)

Are we there yet? (The movie)

Rusted Root - Send me on my way (google it, listen to it, see how many memories it turns up)

The Wiggles (when Jeff was still Asian)

Higglytown Heroes (I just rediscovered this while researching for this post. Multicultural animated anthropomorphic Matryoshka dolls)

The Koala Brothers

MTV top 50

Bruno Mars - Just the way you are

The Beijing Olympics

K'naan - Waving Flag

Calvin Harris - sweet nothing

Coldplay Vida La Vida

Coldplay - Paradise

Maroon 5 - payphone

Jojo's circus

Little Einsteins

Hannah Montana

Jonas

Good Luck Charlie

Detentionaire (it tastes the same as Mystery Incorporated)

Chaotic

6Teen

Bakugan

HotWheels Battleforce 5 (It does exist, there's clips of it on YouTube, McDonald's ran the cars for a series of Happy Meals toys, the world acts as if this never existed)

Teletubbies

Franklin (oddly, the episodes I remember as are the episodes that scared me the most)

Wonder Pets (morals. Morals. I approve)

The backyardigains

Miss Spider's sunny patch kids

Pokemon (around Galactic Battles era)

Winx

Elmo's world

In the night garden

Bratz

Lizzie McGuire (I know this exists, I had the game boy advance On The Go game and played it heavily)

Cars with the hand crank for the windows

Yo Gabba Gabba

Wow wow wubzy

Out of the box

Johnny Test

4square

My Babysitter is a vampire

That Fat Albert show

Rescue Heroes

George Shrinks

Harry and his bucket full of dinosaurs (His sister's name is Claire? I've come to realize that even though she kinda lives in her room, she plays with him on occasion. I'm not sure how much of a role she played but I am an absolute failure of an older sibling compared to her)

Imagination Movers

Postman Pat

Fireman Sam (I need another claymated wholesome British man to teach me about public service employment)

Big Time Rush

Popeye (the sailor man)

Shaun the sheep

Wayside

Handy Manny

Stoked

World of Quest

Adam Lambert - If I had you

[that period of time when Last Gaga was a household name]

Hedley - Perfect

Avril Lavigne as a person

Green Day - BBD

Jay Sean - Down

One Way (clap clap clap) Jesus

John 3:16 (said that God so loved the world he gave his only begotten son, so that whoever believes in him will never die but have eternal life)

Timothy goes to school

Fifi and the flowertots

That marineland commercial (there's a place in Ontario)

Eggo tunes commercials

House Hippo (Canada)

Concerned Childrens' advertisers PSAs Canada. (I'm not kidding, we need some of these back. Remaster them or remake them or run them raw, I don't care. These messages are invaluable. As much as we like to knock on anyone born after 04, I believe they deserve to learn what we did)

Discovery Channel (and it's Science spinoff channel)

Vsauce

Deadliest Catch

River Monsters

Bear Grylls

Survive This

Air Crash Investigations Mayday (this show introduced me to the concept of 'metal fatigue' which came in handy during robotics class)

How It's Made

Canada's worst driver

Mythbusters

The Colony (Discovery Channel)

Sears Canada

Future Shop Canada

Daily Planet

(Okay just go to YouTube and search up "The world is awesome boom de ya da)

Cash Cab Toronto

Destroyed in seconds

Dirty Jobs

Inventions that Shook the world

Mighty Ships (When some dude at Wonderland asked where my inspiration for Lego building comes from, I cited this show, this is the single strongest memory I have of it)

Monster Ships

The time when Guinness book of world records was relevant

Sharkboy and Lava girl

Spy Kids (If I could change history, I'd alter Sharkboy and Lavagirl to canonically fit within the shared universe of Spykids)

Pawn Stars

Monsters inside me

Rush Hour (Jackie Chan)

Jackie Chan in general

Shark Week

Smallville

The Zone, YTV

3rd and bird

Barney (and whoever created the violent version can screw off)

Care Bears

Thomas the tank engine

When it was announced that we'd be the first generation in modern history to die before our parents

There's probably a lot more but my brain is small

[coup-de-maine]

How to enter a fandom - RPC

Hey guys, time for a friendly PSA from yours truely~

So I’ve been in and out of a lot of fandoms, made friends, enemies, frenemies, grave mistakes and happy accidents. I also see a lot of people come in other fandoms. Most of yall do great but I see some people carry in this weird sort of self deprecating attitude that can immediately turn rpers away from them, which results in; more of that self deprecation. So Im here to hopefully help out with the best ways to enter a fandom or an rpc, make your presence known and make lots of wonderful friends.

Now the first, and most important thing, and I notice a ton of people struggle with it is:

General attitude. 

Let me give two examples of some first time posts.

“Hey! I’m new to the fandom. I know my bio and my theme sucks but would anyone like to rp? Maybe?”

VS.

“Hey! I’m new to the fandom. My bio and rules are located here, though they’re still under construction I’m really eager to develop them with interactions!”

Now I know the first one is tempting for a lot of reasons. You might not even feel like its all that bad, but up next to the second one it actually sounds a little...depressing, monotone, dry. Even though they start the same, one ends with me feeling like: this person really doesn’t put effort into things, they dont even really want to be here. All my threads with them are going to be lazily written or probably written with half baked enthusiasm.

The second person is happy to be here, eager to interact, admits that since they’re a new blog not everything is perfect. Yet, they don’t talk down on themselves or make it seem like anyone who talks to them will only be taking pity on them.

This is actually a big problem I see in the rpc. Making people take pity on you for interactions and the rule with that is simple:

don’t make people feel like they have to take pity on you. 

It’s a knee jerk reaction, I know. We’re all awkward humans on the internet who want to play up our faults. Who wants to say “My stuff is SO awesome! It’s the best”??? 

Well. You do. You’re new to a fandom. People already have established relationships, character arks, possibly with another version of the muse youre playing. Backstories so detailed it’ll make your head spin. You are literally selling yourself to these other rpers. Don’t sell them “A vacuum cleaner that sucks. No, not sucks up the dirt, it just sucks. Like me, Im trash and dont even have a working vacuum” No one wants to buy a vacuum cleaner that sucks.

Hate to break it to you, but when you say you suck, or your stuff sucks; people are gunna believe you. Or they’re just gunna pity you. And thats not great either. 

Heck you might think; why not? So long as they rp with me, whats wrong with that? 

Well... lots of things but mostly; pity isn’t a good feeling. Nobody wants to feel guilted into rping with you. Imagine seeing someone on your dash constantly posting about how no one likes them, their character or interacting with them. How they wanna die because they never get asks, no one likes their starters. (Sound extreme? I’ve seen it.) It makes you feel bad right? It makes you wanna like them but like- where do you even start??? They don’t even like them?? What common ground do you have?? “Hey, I see you hate yourself... uh... I hate you too?” Not great. Actually bad. You don’t know how to approach this person without becoming an emotional crutch, and you know they’ll latch on to you and suck every positive emotion out of your body so how do you win?

So lesson one is; People don’t want to be forced to feel so bad that they rp with you, they want to feel inspired to. Inspire some dudes! (or non-dude identifying people)

Presentation!

This is everything. Present yourself. You don’t need flashy icons or a cool promo- let me tell you, I’ve made some shitty promos in my life. See Here

That was my promo for a long as time. Until it was THIS that a friend made for me (A friend that I made. Through how awesome I presented myself. Thanks Vee, if you see this I still love you)

I can’t stress enough how important attitude is because I’ve had both a shitty attitude and a great one in the RPC and let me tell you, nothing kills a blog faster than a shitty attitude. Wanna make a self deprecating posts about that meme that you got 0 asks for? NUH UH. Think again. PITY = BAD, SHORT LASTING FRIENDSHIPS. INSPIRED = SUPER AWESOME HAPPY FUN TIMES FOREVER.

Yo, present yourself in a way that makes people wanna approach you. Get them interested, say something wacky or edgy or if your character is self deprecating then self deprecate through them but DO IT IN A FUN WAY. The people who care about icons and fancy promos usually aren’t worth lasting friendships either. Sometimes they literally spend more time formatting than writings something worth while for you. (some of you really balance it and just love formatting but u know im not talking about u Im talking about those that literally wont talk to us that dont)

So present yourself well and be genuine.

--- WAIT WAIT WAIT- be genuine?? What if my genuine self is self deprecating and negative? 

[JOHNNY TEST NOISE] 

HELL NO shut the what up I know you’re not, I know that’s a reflex to cover up how insecure you are, I know you hate how pathetic and small you feel so you point out all the things wrong with you before someone else can. That’s not you, and you are capable of more than that.

Dude. (and non-dude identifying peeps) I’m gunna say it again. I’m gunna say it a million times; one day it will sink in. Everybody feels that way. 

What?? Octo ur so cool and confident tho

You know how you never noticed?? CANT SEE MY HANDS SHAKE THROUGH THE COMPUTER.

DONT KNOW HOW LONG I HESITATED BEFORE SENDING THAT ASK MEME TO YA.

The internet is a playground because you can trick people into believing whatever you want about yourself. YEP even good things!!! You don’t have to wear your flaws on your sleeve, and you certainly don’t have to wear them like a full body cast that prevents you from doing anything fun in your life.

Take the cast off, take a risk. You literally have nothing to lose. Especially if no one interacts with you as is anyways.

Be mindful

This is more of a trick I use to make myself feel better. I don’t follow a lot of people so my dash is pretty slow. It’s fairly easy to tell when people are and aren’t active/online so I literally have to trick myself sometimes but;

If you reblog a meme and get nothing, step back and ask yourself; am I sure anyone even saw it? and are the people who did maybe to shy to send anything? Or maybe nothing in that meme applies to their character.

As a mute character I am VERY restricted to what memes I reply to. As a character who speaks VERY LITTLE I am VERY restricted to what dialogues I can send at all. This means I’m required to edit memes a little (this is allowed by most meme creators btw) or I need a very good relationship with a character in order to say/sign that many words at them.

And worse case scenario, queue it and reblog it again/later. Its no biggie, some memes don’t make it.

Self reflect

Check out people on the dash. Do they have interactions? What are they like? Is their character more welcoming? Maybe you’re character is more intimidating. You might need to actually seek out interaction.

Tumblr has this huge enigma where everyone wants asks but no one wants to send them. Curious anons come from someone, magic anons come from your peers, followers, friends. Some of them are pretty obvious. Want asks? Send them. We really need to get the ball rolling with this because its honestly a problem. Show some initiative and reach out. It actually feels pretty good seeing someone react to your outrageous anon. And its a lot of stress relief if you play an otherwise very serious character to get to branch out and be silly.

So you send asks, you like starter calls- why isn’t it working?

Well, a stranger knocks on your door and tries to get to know you. Its a little awkward- it can work sure in some cases. But in most you’ll probably close the door and phone the police.

The RPC isn’t as strange as that but what’s easier? Talking to a muse you’ve never met from a blog you’ve never seen before? Or writing a thread with your best bud, throwing in inside jokes and references to your favourite shows- teasing each other about that one embarrassing thing that happened to your muse- yeah. Yeah you get it.

If you have history or at least an idea what someone is like, you will want to interact with them more. I don’t know if you’re some mean... meanie pants whos gunna smack my muse because he offered you a cookie. And maybe you are, but if I don’t know you, or know that your muse is deeply traumatized by cookies, I might take that as you saying “Ew no get away I never wanna rp with you”.

It sounds harsh, but I KNOW it happens. It STILL happens to me, even with people I’m friends with. Even if someone has multiple blogs and I get on fine with one muse, if the other hates me I might get uneasy about sending in asks cause I feel like I’m directly bothering the mun (who I love on this blog but WHAT IF THEY START HATING ME THERE TOO???)

Separation is tricky. We all get jealous or feel neglected when our partners focus on another thread/ship or send mean angsty replies which is why its important to check yourself remind yourself you have value, mun =/= muse and that it’s all in good fun.

Have Rules

UGH no!!! Not rules I hate rules, I dont want to restrict anyone!

Listen. I get it. I was a rule-less blog for a long time. But you know what? You need them. Not just for you, but for the people who wanna interact. I still feel the need to ask people who have rules what they are and aren’t comfortable with. You might not realize it but shit can go down in rps especially in certain fandoms. Even if its just the basics. Write them. They matter.

Unless you’re fine with someone literally controlling your character, or a blog you dont even follow who RPs David Letterman tags you in a smutty thread where your muse and him are married and he’s heavily pregnant with 4 narwal baby’s I- I think you can see where I’m going.

If its just the basics, thats fine, everyone loves seeing that. No god modding, not forced shipping, ect- great. Less for me to remember. Add to it if you need to. Everyone experiences rp different. Make your experience a comfortable one.

(And stay tf away from me Preggo-letterman)

Step away.

If you’re feeling negative, just step away. Do not make a big post about it alerting everyone who follows you because they might not all respond well. If you have close friends in then fandom you can go to, talk to them, vent a little, or just remove yourself and get those feelings out. But remember that no one here is equipped to be your therapist, and we cant all be expected to take the burden from you. It is up to you to regulate your emotions. Use coping skills but please don’t make the fandom or your blog a toxic place to be.

You don’t feel good, and no one reading your posts feels good, and building friendships on not feeling good is just... completely not good.

Im not saying you must be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but feeling bad feels bad and even though rping is just a hobby and a past time you are still reaching into other peoples lives. Leave a good impact, try to be someone you would want to meet in the rpc. Make it a better place.

Tips and Tricks

If you leave with nothing else, please take these:

Send Messages. 

IM people, send them asks, get to know them before RPing.

Be kind.

Be generous.

Be enthusiastic.

Be happy.

[lindyhunt]

4 Comics Who Are Keeping it Real About Motherhood ( and 4 Who Are Proudly Not Procreating)

Having children is one of life’s greatest pleasures…or so I’m told. But what happens when you become a mother and life is not the mommy-blog perfection that we all expect it to be? Lucky for all of us, some  comedians have given us all a glance into the unfiltered world of pregnancy and parenting. And, greatest pleasure or not, that shit seems terrifying). An important part of the conversation when it comes to motherhood is that it’s a choice, and probably shouldn’t be considered the default choice for women. That’s not to say that women who don’t breed don’t like children, they’ve just decided that it doesn’t fit into their lifestyle. Like that time that I got side bangs without realizing the amount of work I would have put in  to styling them every day. And yes, I’m saying bang maintenance is exactly the same child rearing.

Regardless of whether or not you want to raise tiny humans, here are the voices of comedy who are keeping it real on all ends of the spectrum.

Ali Wong 

“I used to hate on other moms for the clothes that they wore, you know, all the cheesy-ass animal print and loud metallic shiny shoes, and now I see something that’s bedazzled in rhinestones and I’m like ‘oh that looks nice, I think I’m gonna get that,’ because when you’re a mom you need sparkle to compensate for the light inside of you that has died.”

I’m grateful the weekend is over. #WorkIsEscape #TGIM

A post shared by Ali Wong (@aliwong) on May 28, 2018 at 7:03am PDT

There’s something so incredibly wonderful about watching a heavily pregnant, 5’3″ woman dancing around the stage with her middle finger high in the air. Ali Wong became a household name in 2015 when she released her stand-up special Baby Cobra on Netflix. At the time, she was seven months pregnant with her first child. Three years later, and equally pregnant Wong came back on stage for her new Netflix collar, Hard Knock Wife, to report back to us on childbirth and motherhood. She gave the audience and viewers a…graphic look into what she’s been up to since we last saw her. She spoke about childbirth, breastfeeding and how she sometimes wants to throw her kid in the garbage (fair enough). She also speaks on her choice to continue her career after having children, and how that’s a choice she was privileged to be able to make. To sum up, Ali Wong should write a parenting book ASAP. Even my childless-self would read that thing cover to cover.

Natasha Leggero

“It is very humbling to think that you’re carrying life inside of you, you know? I don’t want to get too emotional but it’s even more overwhelming then when I realize that it’s gonna be five more months before I can do drugs again.” 

A post shared by Natasha Leggero (@natashaleggero) on May 25, 2018 at 4:43pm PDT

Best known for her blasé delivery of shock-comedy, Leggero’s stand-up will have you thinking whether or not you should feel bad for laughing (you should, but it’s okay). When she walked out on stage for her set in The Honeymoon Stand Up Special (which she did with her husband, Moshe Kasher) heavily pregnant in a sequin minidress and white-fur coat and told the audience to hold their applause because she was “still in the abortion zone,” Leggerro proved that she had no intention in changing her comedic style due to her maternal-status (nor should she!). Though Leggero hasn’t released any new material since the birth of her daughter, she’s taken to Instagram to reassure fans that she’s still the same-old Natasha. Whether she’s posting a photo of her breastfeeding while adorned in gold or introducing her daughter to the world of Vogue, she’s making sure that her comedic voice is still known.

Katherine Ryan

“My daughter’s six. Right now I just have to keep her hair out of her face and her hands out of her pants and I’ve nailed the day.”

💜

A post shared by kathbum (@kathbum) on Aug 9, 2017 at 11:19am PDT

Originally from Canada, this UK-based comedian released her Netflix special — In Trouble — in 2017. Ryan talked about her dating life, pop culture and life as a single mother. She’s also quick to gossip about the other moms that she has to interact with, which is relatable to anyone with or without a child. In her most recent set at Noel at the Apollo, Ryan tells her audience all about a mother at her daughter’s school named Jane. “Does anyone know Jane from the North London school run?…Jane said to me ‘Katherine, you must be so sad that you don’t have a husband at Christmas.’ This coming from the woman whose ham-coloured husband Brian is a man I’ve never seen out of a bicycle helmet.” Whether it’s dealing with the death of her child’s pet or bringing her kid along so that she can meet Prince Harry (true story), Katherine and her daughter are setting up to be the modern-day Gilmore Girls.

Tig Notaro

“I feel like [my wife] and I are doing a great job, I really do. But I also feel like it would be reasonable if somebody called child protective services a couple of times.”

When I have to share my Cheerios 😕

A post shared by Tig Notaro (@tignotaro) on Mar 5, 2018 at 2:02pm PST

A veteran on the stand-up comedy circuit, Tig Notaro has always included her personal life in her bone-dry comedy. In 2015 she released her documentary Tig on Netflix, which followed her ability to find humour in her breast cancer diagnosis and eventual double mastectomy. In her newest Netflix special, Happy to be Here, Notaro had much happier experiences to draw from. She spends most of the hour telling stories about her wife Stephanie and their baby twin boys Max and Finn. A lot of her material now stems from her kids, including her one son’s sudden outbursts. “A couple month’s ago, he just out of nowhere yelled ‘I’m gay’.. yeah, Max the whole family is gay, it’s not a big deal, except for Finn but even [our cat] is bi-curious.”

Michelle Wolf

“If having babies really was the best job in the world, men would’ve figured out a way for them to do it.”   

Not in the spirit of the mission.

A post shared by Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) on Apr 29, 2018 at 9:52pm PDT

Michelle Wolf is most recently known for her set at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner which received mixed reviews to say the least. Now, she has her own show called The Break with Michelle Wolf on Netflix where she does a little bit of everything. In the premiere episode, Wolf sat with her friend and fellow comic Amber Ruffin to talk about their choice not to have kids. This isn’t a new topic for Wolf however, she touched on the concept of “making a human” in her HBO Special, Nice Lady. “It should be hard to make a human. It’s hard to make a croissant. It takes three days to make a croissant, you can make a human in that bathroom. You cannot make a croissant in that bathroom.”

Sarah Silverman

“I love kids, but I also really love what I do. Which is anything I want, all of the time.”    

A post shared by Sarah Silverman (@sarahksilverman) on Nov 20, 2017 at 11:56am PST

Sarah Silverman is another stand-up comedy veteran to speak about the idea of motherhood. Silverman is known for never holding back, so it seemed perfectly normal for us to share her ideas on having children in a monologue for her show I Love You, America. Silverman also brought it up when she was on Chelsea with Gloria Steinem and Chelsea Handler, all who have chosen not to have kids. “Loving kids  and having kids of your own are two very different things. The thought of having my own baby completely paralyzes me.”

Chelsea Handler

“Sometimes in your 20s and 30s people will trick you into having kids. But it’s possible to remain childless and alone. You just have to want it.” 

This sums up what I’m dealing with on the home front. Every day, it’s like I’m starting over.

A post shared by Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) on May 22, 2018 at 4:52pm PDT

Chelsea Handler has always made her aversion to having children known in her material. In her show, Chelsea, she has a recurring PSA spoof called Kids: They’re Not That Great. She is seen having a cocktail in her bathrobe or binge watching TV, telling people that being childless is actually pretty great. She even got wrapped into hosting a kids Halloween party, and it’s absolutely hilarious.

Jen Kirkman

“If you do something as big as having a kid…you gotta have an urge to be good at it and an urge to do it. And I’ve never had the urge to ruin my life.” 

Hello world!

As you can see – I’m not on tour right now. I’m on a job writing to bring you entertainment on the streaming teevee. Some years I hit 30-40 cities in about 3 countries – this is not that year! So far! ✈️✈️✈️ But there are plans and things in place for fall and winter – and things will go on sale before that. My weekly email newsletter is THE ONLY way to find out what’s going on in my head – where I’m thinking of heading next and why. 📝📝📝📝So, join up! Again, I am not on a big tour this year – I’m just going to be popping up in really surprising places in America and beyond. I KNOW WHAT they are – but you don’t! Cuz you’re not on my newsletter. CLICK LINK IN BIO TO JOIN. It takes you to my website homepage and the link is there. 🌟🌟🌟🌟😁 *****any question you ask below about what city I am coming to is literally the reason I have a newsletter. Save me the headache. The answer to all questions is JOIN MY NICE FRIENDLY FUN PERSONALLY WRITTEN BY ME 🙋🏻‍♀️ every week newsletter*******

A post shared by Jen Kirkman (@jenkirkman) on Mar 5, 2018 at 8:46am PST

In Jen’s first Netflix Special, I’m Going to Die Alone (and I Feel Fine), Kirkman speaks out about not having kids has never been an issue for her as much as the people around her. She even published a book in 2013 called I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales From a Happy Life Without Kids. Needless to say, kids have never been on Kirkman’s radar, and the only problem she has with it is the fact that people have a problem with it.

[badbackgroundscience]

Hank Pym and the Antibiotic Apocalyse

Quick query: Given only this image, what do you think this baddie’s name and powers are?

No, this is not a sentient pile of hay who really enjoyed that one episode of Doctor Who.* It’s Alex Gentry, yet another scientific cog in the military machine who’s fed up with turning over his work for little pay and no credit. He designed this combat suit based on “nature’s perfect fighting machine...a creature that wears its weapons, and then shoots them at his enemy.”

From that quote spawns another query: What’s nature’s perfect fighting machine? Because if you asked every single living person on the planet, I don’t think anyone would say it’s a rodent.

There are actually two types of porcupines - Old World (family Hystricidae) and New World (family Erethizontidae) - but they’re not actually that closely related, genetically speaking. Both are, of course, best known for their barbed quills - modified hairs coated with thick keratin plates. Keratin’s a family of proteins that make up lots of different body parts, from ‘regular’ hair, to nails/claws, to horns, to baleen whale...well, baleen. Keratin also makes up the non-barbed spines of hedgehogs and echidnas (neither of which are rodents).

While quills can detach after getting embedded in a predator or unintentional antagonist’s body (Actually a very useful property, given that they’re barbed and thus meant to get stuck), porcupines cannot actually shoot them, as I’m sure has been portrayed in many a piece of popular culture.**

But Gentry’s suit doesn’t shoot quills; they’re hollow tubes that operate as gun barrels for firing an array of pellets that would make Batman jealous.***

Gentry decides it’ll be far more lucrative to just steal his invention and use it to “become the greatest criminal the world has ever known”, rather than hand it over to his government superiors. Except he doesn’t actually go anywhere. He says the “army ordnance center” he’s already working at will be his HQ because no one would ever think to look for a “master-criminal” there.

He first target is, coincidentally, a bank that Henry Pym has designed a new security system for. He and an ill Janet are there for the building’s grand opening, where the "bank president” tells everyone the vault has a fingerprint scanner and is made out of some version of steel that can withstand any temperature less than that needed to melt diamond. Before he can finish calling Dr. Pym out for his contributions, the Porcupine shows up and fires a series of pellets at the crowd - liquid cement to clog security’s guns, sleeping gas to knock everyone out, and the very Batman-like smoke screen. Then he burns through the vault door with some acetylene, steals an unspecified amount of cash (less than or equal to 5 million), and flies away.

You know, like porcupines do...

But to back up a moment, the bank president (likely not a scientist in a previous life) says this special variety of steel is imprenetrable below the melting point of diamond - is this a legitimate claim for him to make? And could the Porcupine have robbed the bank with his acetylene-shooting quills? Well...

Diamonds don’t actually melt at atmospheric pressure - they turn directly into a gas (that is, “sublimate”) at about 3600 °C (​~6500 °F). To get actual liquid diamond you’d need a pressure of at least ~100,000 times atmospheric pressure (though not too much higher a temperature). 

The highest melting point for a metal back when this comic was made was roughly 3,990 °C (7,214 °F). The metal in question was a combination of two compounds: tantalum carbide and hafnium carbide (It’s therefore called “tantalum hafnium carbide”). Chemical formula: Ta4HfC5. Theoretically, there's another compound that might have a higher melting point, but it hasn't been confirmed experimentally.**** It’s not ‘steel’ - which is, at the very least, an alloy of carbon and iron - but it does mean that Hank could have theoretically designed a vault capable of withstanding temperatures up to 3600 °C. [Side note: a kilogram of the stuff in powdered form would set you back 10 grand.]

Acetylene - first used in torches at the turn of the 20th century - is the hottest commonly-used fuel source. But its flame’s temperature is ‘just’ under what we need - 3480 °C (6296 °F). However, there are two hotter “natural chemical” flames: cyanogen burns at 4,525 °C (8,177 °F) and dicyanoacetylene burns at 4,990 °C (9,010 °F) in the ideal ratio with oxygen.***** The latter can burn even hotter if you use ozone, instead: 5,730 °C (10,340 °F). [Before you ask if either of these compounds’ flame temperatures were known of when this comic was written, the answer is yes. This academic paper is from 1956. And this one’s from 1953.]

Hank drops a fevered-Janet in their lab’s guest room - much to her annoyance - and sends his ant buddies out to collect intel. Gentry robs another bank, and the ants track him until he gets back to his base. Hank then heads to the ordnance center and gets caught. I assume Gentry constructed some tiny nets knowing Ant-Man was going to be a nuisance, otherwise why on Earth does his suit have them?

I mean look at how tiny they are! You can barely see them!`*

The Porcupine disarms Pym and drops him in an already-full bathtub (Was he planning on relaxing after his recent bank job? Also why is there a bathtub at an army ordnance center?). The surface inside the tub is too slippery for him to crawl out. In the comic he’s at risk of drowning - treading water until he tires, like a slightly smarter Sim in a pool without a ladder - but as I’ve talked about in a previous post, all he really needs to do is lay there and the surface tension of the water will keep him afloat.

Janet, meanwhile, uses Hank’s full-size ant-communication machine (i.e. the one he uses to talk to them when he’s too big for his helmet) to check in on things. The ants outside the building tell her he’s been incommunicado for too long, but they can’t actually go inside “unless he commands [them] to” (So, they can refuse orders to lead him into Egghead’s trap because he’s their friend, but they can’t go save his life on their own volition? Okay...) Janet Wasps up and pulls Hank out of the tub, and his equipment is just sitting on the sink so he’s up and running as soon as he can catch his breath.

The two find Gentry’s cans of liquid cement and fill a bunch of plastic bags with them, placed so that when Gentry enters the room, Janet and Hank can jump onto them (with the force equal to what they’d be able to do as full-blown humans) and squirt the cement all over the Porcupine’s suit. But before this happens the writers mistake “radiation” and “radioactive”, again...

Hank lassos Gentry and throws him through the nearest window, but his suit is still capable of flight and he escapes. The comic ends with Hank saying he’s got something for Janet; she’s thinking it’s something shiny, but it turns out to be an antibiotic to fight her flu.

Influenza is caused by a virus. Antibiotics do not do anything to help get you over a viral infection! Antibiotics kill bacteria. Not viruses. That fact is so important I both bolded and italicized it.

Unlike most of the bad science I talk about in this blog, this mistake is actually one of the causes of one of the greatest threats to health in the 21st century: antibiotic-resistant bacteria. 

“Superbugs”

For too long, we’ve misused antibiotics, (both patients demanding and) doctors prescribing them for ‘bugs’ they can’t treat!`** This over-exposes bacteria to the antibiotic that can kill them, so they have more opportunities to generate mutations that make them resistant! (The antibiotic might kill some/most of a bacterial colony, but some left over have a slight resistance to it - and they then multiply. Repeated use of this antibiotic does this over and over until none of the bacteria are killed.) 

According to the CDC, “at least 23,000 people die each year [in the US] as a direct result of" infections by antibiotic-resistant bacteria. That might not sound like a particularly high number - more than twice that number was estimated to have died from influenza (during the ‘12-’13 flu season) alone) - but that number will only increase unless we manage to find new treatments, and the number of antibiotics developed has been declining since we started using them 70 years ago.

You can still take antibiotics - but you have to make sure you’re doing it the right way (Click the link for some bullet points).

I didn’t think I was ever going to have to do a PSA in a blog about comic books, but there ya go...

PS - fun fact: Porcupine quills (at least those of the North American porcupine, Erethizon dorsatum) are naturally coated in antibiotics. It might be in case they fall out of a tree and accidentally stab themselves.

* Are you my mummy?

** e.g. the THX bit from “Over the Steve Hedge”

*** Over the course of this comic, he uses/mentions stun-pellets, paralyzing pellets (are those the same thing?), generic “gas-pellets”, fog-pellets (aka “smoke-screen”), liquid cement, ammonia, liquid fire (aka “acetylene flame”), tear gas, sleeping gas, hypnotic wheels, phosphorescent pellets, tiny nets, lethal “radiation gas” (not a thing), “detector mine” (what?), and atomic pellets (HE’S GOT NUKES!?)

**** And yet WaPo titles their article “Behold! A new record for the world’s highest melting point” You lie, WaPo.

***** All three compounds look kind of similar, in that their molecules have all got carbon and they’re all linear in shape.

Acetylene (C2H2)

Cyanogen ((CN)2 - two cyanides bonded together at the carbons)

Dicyanoacetylene, aka carbon subnitride (C4N2)

`* Don’t worry too much about the “aim” question - they’ve got magnets on them, as do the phosphorescent pellets currently attached to Hank’s helmet.

`** According to a 2013 CDC report, “up to 50% of all the antibiotics prescribed for people are not needed or are not optimally effective as prescribed”

Tales to Astonish #48 - Writers: Stan Lee & HE Huntley, Art: Don Heck

Photo Credits:

Old World Porcupine By C-8 - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0

Ball & stick models 1,2,3 by Ben Mills - Own work, Public Domain