#I'm VERY sorry about my girl though she's... she's the angsty child. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tallyica · 24 days

Note

ok i have such a good request for you ml

i’m thinking maybe teenage james and he’s not very popular at school so sorta gets made fun of and reader is like a really popular girl on cheer and stuff so obviously she’s dating a jock and he james secretly likes her or something. Anyway i thought maybe reader and her jerk bf breakup ON prom night and James sees when he’s standing near the snack table and he really wants to do something and nervously asks her to be his prom date (even though they’re already there, idk)

i have faith in you wowza (please ignore how disgustingly horrid i wrote that out)

hihi!

maya omg ily sm this is sooooooo good you're so getting it tonight

also this pic gives off a lot of teen vibes so I thought it was rly cute and fitiing

uhhh idk what to make the readers name so its just ___

word count: 5,446

warnings: extremely toxic/abusive relationship, people get slapped twice, swearing, fluff, fighting, angsty start, happy ending

OPPOSITES ATTRACT (1980)

It seemed like I had a picture-perfect high school life, I was popular, on the cheer team, I had straight A’s, and my boyfriend was a football jock, which was every girl's dream it seemed. People at school adored me, I had beauty and brains. Though, I couldn't shake the feeling of unfamiliar eyes on me sometimes, watching me, but not in a creepy way.

The last few days have been full of excitement, as tomorrow was finally prom night, everyone had their prom dates, dresses, or suits, all of us ready for the festivities tomorrow night would bring. I was walking down the hall with my best friend Tammy, we had known each other for years and did cheer together. We were giggling and chatting when I heard a familiar voice, mixed with others and cruel laughter. It was none other than my boyfriend Darren. Tammy gave me a glance of confusion, and I just told her to shoo and let me deal with this, and she did, walking away. I quickly looked to see who he and his asshole friends were laughing at, and I saw a boy sitting on the floor, his long, curly blonde hair draping over his back and shoulders, a hurt expression on his face, watching as Darren went on to laugh and ridicule him before kicking him. I was not pleased with the sight, and I quickly approached the situation.

The boy was familiar, a past player of the football team. I didn't know his name, but I had seen him around school a lot, we had some classes together. I walked over to Darren, pushing him away from the group and the other on the floor, “What the hell are you doing?!” I asked, worried about the state of the familiar yet unknown man, searching Darren's face for any signs of regret.

“I'm putting that loser in his place, don't tell me you think he's more than that, he quit the team!” Darren yelled back at me, trying to convince me to forget about this.

I shook my head, “That doesn't mean you have to be a jerk to him!” I responded back, going to help the blonde boy off the floor, offering my hand, and he took it as he stood up.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you? If he did I'm-” I was quickly cut off by him.

“No, I'm fine, thank you..” He responded quickly, brushing off his well-worn jeans as I scanned over his face.

“Are you sure? I'm so sorry, Darren can be a real jerk sometimes.” I added, still watching him as his eyes finally met mine. This time, they felt familiar, though in an unfamiliar way. Could he have been the one watching me?

He nodded, “Yeah, I'm fine, I promise,” He smiled at me slightly, which made me feel a little bit better. “I'm James, by the way.” James introduced himself to me.

I nodded with a small smile, “I'm ___. It's nice to meet you, James.”

Of course, I couldn't get even a simple conversation in without Darren pulling me away, grabbing me by my arm, and dragging me away like a child. I looked back at James, giving him a small wave and he did as well.

Once Darren pulled us away from the crowd and around the corner, he quickly shoved me against a locker, holding me by my shoulders.

“You think you can just talk to other guys like that? Especially shitheads like him?” He scolded me through gritted teeth.

I always hated it when he got like this, it scared me so much. “No, no, I- I'm sorry, I won't do it again,” I barely mumbled in my shaky tone.

He slapped me across the face, causing me to wince in pain and cover the impacted area, the sting growing with each second, and I could feel tears pricking my eyes.

“You better keep that promise, or else you'll be bruised way worse next time.” He threatened, pushing me back against the locker again before storming off, leaving me there as I began to cry, my mascara starting to run as I quickly headed to the bathrooms so I could hide. No one could see me, not like this. I'm considered the queen of the school, and the queen doesn't cry, right?

I quickly scurried into a stall, locking the door as I heard other students enter the bathroom. I quickly grabbed toilet paper to wipe my eyes, trying to clean up the mess I had become, trying to stop the tears that just kept coming. I covered my mouth, hearing the mumbled words of the other girls in the bathroom, waiting for them to finally leave to clean myself up.

I didn't want to go to prom anymore, not with Darren. I thought back to James, he seemed so sweet, and he was cute too. But unless I wanted to be hurt again, I wouldn't be able to speak with him, which disappointed me slightly, as he seemed like a nice guy.

As I heard the girls leave the bathroom, I quickly came out of the stall, looking at my messy face in the mirror, using water to rinse off my eyes and remove the mascara stains. I could also notice the growing red mark on my cheek, making me frown that it would be obvious, and possibly even appear tomorrow night.

Luckily, I probably wouldn't have to see any more of Darren until cheer practice, since he leaves campus for lunch. He normally watches me at practice, or at least I think he's watching me. I finished cleaning myself up, walking out of the bathroom as I wiped the last of my tears away, and headed to the cafeteria to get my lunch, which was a plain, boring salad, a diet suggested by my coach, and one forced by Darren. I don't even know what he sees in me, or what I see in him, but love is a crazy thing I guess.

I grabbed my tray, heading towards the salad bar, grabbing a paper bowl, and scooping some lettuce and tomatoes into it, garnishing it with minimal sauce and other salad additions before looking for somewhere to sit. I normally sat with my friends, and the rest of the cheer squad, searching for Tammy, but I couldn't notice or see her, but I did notice a familiar face sitting at a table, alone in the corner.

It was James. Darren wasn't here, so maybe I could go sit with him and talk, he looked really lonely, though he was always shy anyway. I headed in the direction of his table, all the way in the back, pushed into a corner.

I approached him, “Mind if I sit with you?” I asked James, who didn't notice me approaching, though he nodded.

“Uh, no, go ahead.” He responded, his voice soft and shy.

James watched as I sat in front of him, picking and mixing my salad before he spoke again.

“That guy, Darren, he didn't seem too happy about you talking to me,” He began, his voice still soft as he spoke.

I shrugged, “Oh, my boyfriend Darren, he's a bit.. Sensitive, I guess. But love works in odd ways, y’know?” I said to assure him, but it seemed it was more to assure myself instead.

James' face changed, maybe disappointment, “Darren is your boyfriend?”

I nodded as I continued to eat, “Yeah, we’ve been together for a couple of months. Do you know him?”

James shrugged with a nod, “Yeah, I was on the football team with him.”

I glanced up at James, “He said you quit the team, why was that?”

“Coach told me to cut my hair or quit the team. I didn't have much choice.” He answered with a small chuckle.

I smiled at his answer, finishing my small salad as James continued to eat his own lunch.

“Are you looking forward to prom tomorrow?” I asked James, expecting a ‘yes’ as it seemed everyone was, but with him, I don't think prom is his biggest dream at the moment.

James just shrugged, “I guess, I wasn't really planning on going, but my friend Ron is, so I'll just go to hang out with him.” He answered, though his voice did not convey a single bit of excitement.

I just nodded, “It'll be fun.” I added, getting up to put my lunch tray away, feeling James' eyes on me as I walked away. After a minute I returned, going back and sitting in front of him, looking to the side briefly, making the faint red handprint on my cheek obvious, and James watchful eyes definitely noticed.

“Hey, what's that on your cheek? Did someone hit you?” James asked, his voice worried.

I felt my stomach drop, quickly covering it up with my hand and shaking my head, “No, no, I just uh.. Fell, earlier.” I muttered quickly, my words obviously untruthful.

James clearly didn't buy it, sitting up straighter and reaching out to moe my hand, his touch gentle and caring.

“You don't get a handprint on your face from falling. Who hit you?” James carefully moved my hand away, gently caressing the slap mark, making me bite back a wince of pain.

“No one, James. I'm fine, it's nothing.” I kept denying the truth.

Even with my continued responses, James wouldn't let up. “___. No one just ends up with a red print on their face, someone hurt you. Who.” This time he demanded that I tell him, but if I did, things would be a lot worse for me, and I didn't want James to get hurt by Darren again.

I shook my head, “James, just drop it.” I sighed, and he slowly pulled his hand away, backing down to where he sat.

“Fine.” He mumbled, letting it go for now, but I could see him continue to think about it.

It was silent between us for a while, until the bell rang and we gave each other a look of goodbye, walking off to our separate classes.

LATER THAT DAY

School had finished for the day, and now I was at cheer practice. The whole day Darren was gone, a bit of a blessing for me, but I also noticed that Tammy was gone too. She probably just didn't feel well and left early, and Darren probably had a party with his friends.

I walked towards the gym where we normally practiced, expecting to see Darren in the bleachers and some of the other girls' boyfriends or siblings.

I entered the gym, hearing the squeak of sneakers on the wooden floor, noticing I was 4 minutes late. I sighed, setting my bag down as I joined the rest of the group, looking for Tammy, but I couldn't see her. Maybe she was just in the bathroom or something, so I walked up to Ashley.

“Ashley, have you seen Tammy?” I asked her, almost worried about my friend's absence.

She just shook her head, “No, not since our last class together. Why?”

I shrugged, “Nothing, thanks.”

I walked away, looking at the bleachers to also see that Darren wasn't there either. It had to be a coincidence, right?

Tammy wouldn't do that to me, we had been friends since middle school. I was probably just overthinking everything. The prom was tomorrow, and that should be what I'm focused on.

Until my coach snapped me out of my haze, grabbing my attention back to practice.

THE NEXT DAY

I awoke with a groan, stirring in my lonesome bed as my alarm clock rang. I slowly sat up, turning off the blaring machine. I sighed, the events of yesterday playing over in my mind, getting up and walking towards the full body mirror in my room, seeing that the mark Darren left had grown to a darker bruise, the faint and warped shape of his hand more obvious. I felt a sadness in my whole body, today was prom, and I'd be a mess all because of him. I looked to my prom dress I was so excited to wear, hanging on a rack, the slightly poofy, flowy baby blue dress, so beautiful, would now never be brought to its full prom night potential. I had spent months working up the money to finally get it, not to mention to heels I would be wearing with it.

I quickly got ready for school, wearing a denim skirt with a light pink sweater, quickly doing my hair, keeping it down, and working on my makeup before I could put on my shoes and head out for school.

As I drove to school, I couldn't help but wonder why Darren and Tammy were absent from cheer and lunch. Darren normally was gone during lunch, but Tammy was normally always there, sitting at the cheer table waiting for me.

And she had never missed one cheer practice, ever. This wasn't like her, but maybe she just felt sick and left early. Eventually, I shook the thoughts out of my head, my mind wandering somewhere more pleasant, James. He was so shy and sweet, though a complete opposite of me.

A guitar-playing metal head in a band, his beautiful long hair almost like a lion's mane, I couldn't help but feel a little attracted to him, even if I was in a relationship with Darren. I hadn't known James long, but he feels closer than that.

After a few more minutes of driving, I arrived at school, parking my car, and walking into the building, firstly headed to my locker, where I saw Darren hanging nearby, seeing him talk to a friend of his as I walked up to him.

“Hey, ‘you excited for prom? We're still going together, right?” I asked with a smile on my face as he broke away from his conversation, shooting me an annoyed glare.

“God, just leave me be, ____. I don't needa hear you bitch to me.” He replied coldly, ignoring my questions.

My smile quickly dropped, sighing and walking away with a frown, heading back towards my locker to grab my stuff, not paying much attention to my surroundings, my shoulder bumped into someone's arm snapping me out of my sad haze.

“Sorry, I didn-” I glanced up at the person, realizing it was James.

He quickly noticed the bruise on my face, his face changing with worry, “What happened? I want an answer this time. You don't just get a bruise like that from nothing.” James more so demanded rather than asked.

I sighed, shaking my head, “I really shouldn't be talking with you right now,” I muttered, trying to walk away quickly, leaving him hurt and confused as he followed after me, grabbing my arm.

“Hey, where are you going? Why can't you talk to me?”

I grunted, trying to get out of his hold, Darren's threat replaying in my mind. I didn't want to get hurt further, and I really didn't want James to get dragged into this and hurt as well.

“James, I can't talk to you. Leave me alone!” I grumbled, and he let go of my arm, a look of hurt and sadness on his face as he watched me walk away from him. I felt horrible for treating him like that, but I couldn't put either of us at risk.

Even after I stormed off, I could still feel his eyes on my back, heading towards class. It was like he was glued to me, unable to remove himself until I got too far into the crowd where he could no longer see me.

School was slow that day, though the classes and students buzzed with excitement over prom, smiles, and laughs with last-minute prom-posals, though I couldn't get myself to feel excited over the eventful night.

Eventually, it had reached our lunch hour, everyone heading to the cafeteria, seeing the cheer table, where Tammy actually was, and I also saw James, alone again, in the corner.

I had to talk to Tammy for a minute, even though I would've almost preferred to be with James. He looked disappointed, sad in a way, and I knew I was part of it.

I sighed, grabbing my lunch and scurrying towards Tammy and the table of other cheer members, sitting down next to her.

“Where were you yesterday? You were gone all day basically and didn't make it to cheer.” I asked, slightly worried but confused.

She just shrugged it off, “Oh, I just didn't really feel like going. I had other things and people I wanted to do instead.”

Her voice had an undertone to it, I couldn't put my finger on what it was exactly, but it was not good. She sounded snarky, and when she said ‘people she wanted to do’ I could tell something was off. I gave her an odd look, eyeing her before something caught my eye.

Hickies, on her neck. It wasn't something usual, she didn't have a boyfriend or crush or something, or at least not one that was known. She gave me a small smirk, noticing my staring.

“What? Is something wrong?” She teased rather than asked, and now everything clicked.

Why Darren was gone all day, why she was gone all day, why Darren disregarded the prom thing, why she is acting so strange.

It seemed that my world crumbled around me, my once perfect social life, shattered in just a day.

I quickly got up, not thinking to grab my food, I had lost any appetite I once had, storming towards the back of the cafeteria. I needed someone to talk to, but there was no one I could air something like this out to. I wasn't thinking much, quickly leaving through the back, but I could feel familiar eyes on me as my own welled up with tears.

James.

I ignored the feeling, running out to the empty hall and outside the school, tears streaming down my face as I wandered towards the empty school courtyard, sitting in the grass as my emotions crashed down on me, everything coming loose in my head, though clicking.

Darren had always been an asshole to me, sure, there were the good moments, but I never felt truly happy with him because he never seemed that happy with me. I loved him, so much, but all that love was now thrown away for my own best friend. He doesn't even know that I know, but I doubt he could care.

I tried wiping my tears off of my face, staining my sleeves black with runny mascara as I heard footsteps approach, glancing up, my puffy eyes meeting James.

He slowed as he came closer, sighing. “I know you want me to leave you alone, but..” He trailed off, watching me as I sniffled, shaking my head.

“No, I don't want you to leave me alone,” I mumbled, and he came closer and sat next to me.

I looked at him as I sighed, “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it, I didn't mean it.”

He shrugged, “Why would you not mean it? I'm a fuckin’ loser and you're, well, you.”

We sat in silence together for a moment, and I sniffled again as I tried to stop my tears.

“What's wrong? Or do you not wanna tell me.” He asked, and I had to tell someone, I had to tell him.

I began to cry more as I explained what happened, Darren hitting me for talking to James, the threats he made, getting cheated on with my best friends, all the toxicity of my relationship with him finally coming to light as I leaned against James, and he held me, gently wrapping his arms around me as I sobbed into his shoulder, hearing every word, cry, and sound I made, careful to listen to me in a time of hurt.

The story seemed to make James upset that that had happened to me, but it also seemed to fuel a fire in him. For the short time he'd known me personally, he seemed to care a lot already.

I eventually stopped mumbling the story as I kept crying, his worn band shirt soaked with my tears as he gently rubbed my side with his hand, his touch making me feel warm, something that Darren never could do.

“Shhhh, you'll be okay, I'm here, alright?” He said to me in a soft voice, trying to comfort me as I kept crying against him.

“You don't need that asshole, you can do so much better than him. And if she was really your friend, she wouldn't have done something so shitty like that.” He kept comforting me, the soothing motions of his hands helping me reach a calm after a good couple more minutes of crying into him, my sobs slowly stopping as I just sat there with him, in his arms.

After a few more minutes of silence, just us together, James spoke up again, “You alright?”

I just shrugged, “I don't know.. Everything just.. Crashing down around me.” I mumbled, snuggling in closer to him, my hand on his shoulder/neck area as I moved my face from his shoulder, laying the side of my face there as I looked up at him, my puffy red eyes, tear-stained and mascara-ruined face, his eyes meeting mine.

We stayed like this for a few moments, our eyes breaking contact for a moment before he spoke up again, “Class is gonna start in a few minutes. Let's go to my car and I can get you cleaned up, alright?”

I nodded, and we got up and walked together to his beat-up truck, grabbing some tissues and an old bottle of water. I sat on the edge of the truck bed, James coming up to me and dampening the tissues with water, wiping my face clean of the stains, his touch gentle and caring, my cheeks heating up slightly.

LATER THAT AFTERNOON

School was done for the day, and now I was at home, hastily getting ready for prom.

I curled my hair, making sure I looked as beautiful as possible. I did my makeup, nothing too over the top, though I was careful to night use mascara, feeling that I would probably end things with Darren tonight.

I slipped on my beautiful dress, one that hugged my features well, the poofy skirt of it flowing amazingly, and I had never felt more pretty as I slipped on my heels, admiring my glam self in the mirror with a small smile. I had never felt so gorgeous as I walked to my car, and drove back down to the school.

Darren was supposed to be my prom date, and I'm guessing he still is unless he's changing his mind and going with Tammy. I tried to ignore the thoughts, hoping that James would be there if anything went wrong.

Something about him made everything feel… right, in a way. He made me happy, even though we'd only been friends for two days.

Eventually, I arrived at the school, the parking lot packed, trying to secure a spot so I could get in without being too late.

Soon enough I found a parking space, getting out of the car and sighing, beginning to walk towards the school and into the gymnasium which had become a makeshift banquet hall, a messy, rushed dance floor in the center, loud music, balloons, streamers, lights, the full nine yards. Couples danced together, some getting too touchy, friends laughed and talked, and then it caught my eye.

Darren and Tammy. Together. Again. Except this time, they looked like they were practically making out, hands dragging across each other, lips locked as she squealed in excitement and pleasure.

I felt something in me snap, anger. I stormed towards the two, pushing Darren off of her, making him look pissed, “The fuck is your problem?” He sneered at me, pushing me back. The interaction garnered some attention from other attendees as I was pushed back by Darren.

“My problem is you're making out with my best friend!” I yelled back at him, more people watching by the second.

Darren just rolled his eyes as Tammy stayed silent, “You're just a basic whore, there's nothing to you.”

That hurt, deeply, but it only fueled my rage as I let out an annoyed grunt, my anger showing as I slapped my past friend hard across the face. She winced in pain, touching the stinging mark.

He was now beyond pissed with me, and I was even more pissed with him.

“You're a loser! I'm done with you! You think that you're all this and that because you're some fucking dumb jock, but you are just a loser!” I nearly screamed at him, feeling someone tug on my arm and pull me away, saving the three of us from experiencing a rough beating from each other.

I turned back to see who was dragging me away, and it was James. I was annoyed at first, needing to get some final words in, though I couldn't stay frustrated with him for too long, he was just doing me a favor. After we walked toward the back of the gym, he let go of me.

“You should go fix yourself up quickly. Not that you look bad, you look really pretty, but-” He paused himself, taking a breath. I nodded, walking out and into a nearby bathroom, adjusting my slightly tussled dress and fixing my hair.

I didn't look too messy, even after the mini tussle with my now ex-boyfriend. I just had to fix a few things, and I'd look as good as new, and now I do.

I took another breath, walking back into the gym, slightly sad, now alone. I couldn't see James, and I could see Darren and Tammy in a corner. The last two people I wanna be around right now. All of my other friends were messed about with their boyfriends or crushes, flirting with them.

Then it began. The slow dancing. The notes of a slow, soft love song stung my ears, and the sight of all the lovey-dovey couples who couldn't get enough of each other made me sick. I was always a sucker for romance, but I guess when you have no one to share it with, it just seems yucky.

I sighed, watching them all dance slowly with each other, debating if I should just leave or not, I had nothing to do here other than just stand in the middle of the floor, feeling jealous of truly in love couples.

I evaded my eyes from the sight, looking down at the floor, until I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, turning my head to see who it was.

A shy, nervous blonde boy stood beside me, his long curly hair hiding his face somewhat as he held the back of his neck with a hand, “Do you uh.. Wanna be my prom date..?” James asked me softly, his eyes not meeting mine out of embarrassment and nervousness.

I smiled lightly, nodding, “Mhm, yeah. That'd be nice.” I answered, my voice also soft as a small pink crept up on my cheeks.

He raised his head, a sheepish grin on his face as he placed his hands on my waist, and I placed mine on his shoulders as we began to slowly sway to the music, our eyes meeting with a sense of familiarity.

“I'm not much of a dancer, so… sorry,” He muttered with a small chuckle, and I just smiled in response.

“That's fine. You're doing great anyway,” I reassured him, and he smiled slightly wider.

I took him in with my eyes, admiring his fresh, orderly dark grey buttoned-up blazer with matching slacks, and his little blue tie the white undershirt, his whole suit was so fitting on him, he looked very handsome, very cute.

“You look, really, really pretty tonight, I know I kinda rambled it earlier, but-” He complimented me with a smile before I cut him off.

“Thank you, you look pretty handsome yourself,” I returned the compliment, smiling up at him still as we continued to dance slowly to the music, both of our cheeks having a hint of pink to them as we looked into each other's eyes, and for a second, everything felt right in the world. Even though I hadn't known James long, I felt closer to him than I do with some longtime friends.

After another minute of dancing with each other, the slow dance had ended, though we didn't leave each other. We stood with each other, sat with each other, and just talked about so many different things.

He told me about his band, how he played guitar and did some vocal work, and told me all about his favorite bands and musicians, and I just listened with a smile on my face. His voice was calming, and he was such a fun person. I admired him with my eyes, his beautiful features filling my senses. His icy blue eyes fit his features so well, accenting his angel-like hair, and I just wanted to stroke it, he was so beautiful and very caring.

We were in the middle of a conversation about one of his favorite bands, Motorhead.

“They're this like, super heavy rock band, and their front guy, Lemmy, is a total badass! I wanna reach his heights one day. Musics has always been there for me, y'know?” He explained to me, acting almost childlike with his excitement over the topic.

I nodded with a smile, “Mhm, they sound pretty cool. Maybe you can show me some of their music sometime.” I added, hoping he would say yes. I could care less about the music, but I'd love to spend more time with him.

He nodded with a wider grin, “Yeah! Sure, I'd love to show you some of their stuff,” he responded with excitement.

I smiled again, “Good, I like that.”

Another hour or so later, prom had ended, and people began to leave the gym, heading to their cars and leaving with their partners or friends. James walked away, looking for his friend Ron who was his ride to prom and supposed to be his ride home too.

James approached me again, slightly confused and nervous, “Uhm, my buddy, Ron, he was supposed to take me home but uh, I think he took his date home and forgot about me, you mind giving me a ride back to my place? It isn't that far,” James requested, and I couldn't say no.

I nodded, “Sure, I don't mind. You wanna go now?”

“Yeah, let's get out of here,” He responded, and we began to walk out together toward my car. I got in the driver's seat, James next to me in the passenger seat as we began to drive, James giving me directions to his home, the car ride was scattered with random conversations and rapidly switching topics. One minute were talking about class, then TV shows, movies, music, friends, stores, clothes, everything.

After a good 10 minutes of random talking and directions given by James, we reach his home, my car slowing across the street from his home, giving him a glance, “The house across the street, right?” He nodded in response.

“Yeah, that's the one,” James answered, though he didn't leave the car yet. I watched him as he sat still for a second, his eyes looking down in thought before he glanced back up at me.

“I uh, I had a great time tonight, a lot better than I thought. Thank you for, well-” I cut him off, my wants giving in as I leaned in and gave him a quick, soft kiss on the lips, which surprised him, and also myself. I pulled back, staring at him to examine his reaction.

After he was silent for a couple of moments, I grew worried that maybe I did something wrong, “I'm sorry, I shouldn't-”

James just shook his head, “No, that was.. Good, I've wanted that for a while,” He answered with a small, loving smile on his face, I nodded.

“Good, I.. I liked that.” I admitted, glancing down as my cheeks heated up.

This time he leaned in, giving me another soft, gentle kiss. We pulled away after a few moments, both smiling softly and glancing at each other before James undid his seatbelt.

“Well, I should get going, I guess,” James informed with a small smile, getting up and out of the car.

“Bye, James,” I said with a smile, watching him walk away.

“Bye,” He answered with a smile as well, heading back to his home.

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next fic will be a Dave mechanix fic!!!!

#metallica fanfiction #metallica smut #j4h7 #james hetfield smut #james hetfield x you #metallica x reader #james hetfield fluff #james hetfield fanfiction #james hetfield x reader

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spnfanficpond · 1 year

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August 2023 Angel Fish Awards!

(Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words. (Click here to learn more about how to nominate a fic for an award!)

Nominated by Anonymous

Tangled Fates by @outofnowhere82

Nominated by @katbratsupernaturalwhore

Factory Reset by @talltalesandbedtimestories

The build up, the sass, the care she took, the pegging, the focus on description, the deliciousness... Mmmm I wanna eat him up!

Love; For the First Time by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

Adorable first time fic. Good build, sweet and fluffy and steamy!

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

An Imagined Life by @imagineteamfreewill

This is the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff AND IT HAS IKEA!!! I mean, I couldn't ask for anything more!! *heart eyes forever*

I'm So Sorry, Sammy by @bobwess

(AO3 link) ANGST!!! So much angst, man. Y'all know I love John Winchester, but even I can acknowledge he was not a great dad. Usually, I avoid fics with the "John's A+ parenting" tags because I have very strict ideas about his incompetence as a father. This story really shows a way that I can see in canon John would be especially crappy as a dad. No pairing, just a seriously angtsy genfic showing teenage Sam being a BAMF and Dean's heart breaking. (Sort of happy ending, though! You know me. lol)

Nominated by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

Why I Do It by @kazsrm67

This drabble and it's companion piece (from Dean's POV) is short and incredibly sweet. It's a lovely little slice of life for the boys and the reader. I always love when we get to see Dean happy, and he is, in this fluffy piece. Happy, loved and taken care of - us Dean girls can't ask for more. A highly enjoyable read!

Nominated by @glygriffe

Imperfections by @thewritingspot /@troize

Seeing Lucifer in another light, as an insecure middle child in a big family fired my brain cells! And of course, Gabriel being himself even as a kid. (And also: Art!!!)

Never Say Goodbye by @zepskies

It's a soulmate AU series, but it's also a reader insert that stays close to canon. Sweet and angsty and smutty... A little bit of everything all rolled into one satisfying story.

Untitled ask prompt by @sugaraddictarchangels

This ficlet is the only Jess!Lucifer representation I've ever seen and it's so refreshing to see early seasons' Lucifer under that light!

Nominated by @heavenssexiestangel

Between the Three by @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell

This fic was written for me in all senses of the word, and I love how she characterized Arthur, Mick, and Dean and the different ways they react to being parents-to-be. Of course, the smut is great, but I also love how they clearly all love each other and want to be a family.

The Great 'Nah-Duh' of Dean Winchester by @ladyknightskye

I love this fic because it gave me Gadreel/Dean without having to write it myself, and also because it's well written and I love how soft Gadreel is... And the fact Dean has his Bisexual Awakening with him? LMAO!

Nominated by @iprobablyshipit91

Never Say Goodbye (series) by @zepskies

I’m an absolute sucker for soulmate AUs and this one was amazing. The reader and Dean's relationship was built beautifully and I loved how the ending ‘fixed’ things!

Baby Spoon (series) by @deanwanddamons

This really made me feel so many emotions. Seeing Dean so happy and having the relationship he deserves made me so happy despite everything.

The Prettiest One by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

This was literally so adorable and made me laugh so much. It’s such a good one to go back to and read over again.

Carry On (series) by @jawritter

This was just the perfect fix-it fic we all needed after *that* ending. It wasn’t rushed and it by no means sugar-coated what happened. There are some real struggles and a lot for both the reader and Dean to overcome but it’s damn worth it!

Pack (series) by @spnexploration

This is a story I’ve definitely gone back and reread a few times and it’s so close to the end, I can’t wait to see the final chapters. Overprotective Dean is always perfect but I really enjoy the pack dynamics in this and Maddie is a brilliant addition!

Heart of a Hunter Saga (series) by @muchamusedaboutnothing

Where to even start with this, every single stand-alone story in this saga is excellent in its own right and combined together this whole story is amazing. I love Dean and the reader's relationship and how they’ve managed to carve out a family life that works for them. Brilliant!

Baby, We’ve got a Problem (series) by @deanwritings

I love the unique concept of this, Baby getting turned human, and the implications this has particularly for Deans's relationship. I’ve read it a few times as it’s so easy to go back to and enjoyable to read.

Always You and Me by @deanwinchesterswitch

I just loved this story and how it built up. The dialogue is hilarious and while I did guess what was happening, it in no way detracted from how awesome this story is.

Hold On I’m Coming (series) by @ravengirl94

This was one of the first firefighter Dean fics I read and I loved it. The relationship the two of them have and the twists and turns are just perfect.

Captives of the Court by @impala-dreamer

This story instantly got my attention. I loved the way the story moved between what was happening now and what had happened to lead up to that point and how everything came together at the end. Amazing story.

The One That Got Away (series) by @pink-sparkly-witch

This story just hits you in the feels. It’s not finished but I’m so in love with Dean and the reader already and can’t wait to see how their relationship progresses!

Midnight Espresso / Devour Me (series)by @zepskies

There was something so sweet about these two stories that I instantly fell in love with the reader and dean in this. I connected with the plus-sized reader but Dean is so sweet and adorable. I just loved it.

Collared (series) by @spnexploration

I’ve been reading this story from pretty much when it started being posted and I’ve loved every second, I’m so excited and sad that it’s ending. It’s an amazing story full of protective Dean which I live for and it’s just perfect.

The Last Call by @kasimagines

I could have nominated so many of Kasimagines' stories but there’s something about this one that just really hits me and I’ve read it so many times. The loyalty Dean shows despite the years is beautiful and the effect John has on them all is heartbreaking.

Dream On (series) by @talesmaniac89

There’s something about this fic that I just absolutely love. It’s a comfort fic I’ve gone back and read so many times. Dean's overprotectiveness and worry and concern for the reader is just adorable.

Miscommunication (series) by @winchest09

This is another story I’ve read so many times. I love the story and the British reader really resonates with me being from the UK! I love the confusion between the same words meaning different things to British vs American, it makes for some interesting conversations!

If You Want It To Be (series) by @zepskies

This got me feeling so Christmassy in July! It was just such a lovely heart warming story, I adored it.

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

House of the Rising Sun by @kittenofdoomage

MAFIA AU!!!! This has been a joy to read for the first time and it's always a joy to reread!!!

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

The Hero Always Gets A Kiss by @fandomoniumflurry

I’m a sucker for ChesterVelle, heroes, and kissing. This is one of my old faves I like to re-read every once in a while.

No Title by @stusbunker

This is sooooo Sam, and it's sooooo swoony and real. It's fucking electric.

Factory Reset by @talltalesandbedtimestories

This is so. well. written. So sexy. So good for Dean. He deserves this so much. This writer did their research but this doesn't read like a manual. It's thorough and intimate and exactly what Dean should have every day — someone taking care of him.

No Title by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

For the love of god, he’s just Like This, isn’t he? Like always. In canon, in headcanon, in fic — ALWAYS. And I love the way this writer objectifies him.

Nominated by @inenochian

Restless Wanderer by intothesilentland (AO3 only)

This story is such a beautiful soft romance set in 19th C Cornwall. Beautiful portrayal of Dean and Cas!

Nominated by @salt-n-burn-em-all

The Talismen series by Lochinvar (AO3 only)

Gives us insight into people who helped the boys grow up into the men they became. Not always Hunters, more like strangers who sometimes didn’t know exactly how much they helped until years later, if ever.

Nominated by @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes

Hunter’s Throne (series) by @ladyknightskye

It’s such a beautiful story and I love the angel-human lore. It’s so complimentary to each other and that bond is just so Cas and Dean. They have got to talk. It’s part of what’s we readers love about them because once they do, it only gets better and fluffy! I loved it so much I posted about it on my blog to advertise it because it is worth the read and keeps to the essence of the show.

THANK YOU ALL, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

- From your Admins and Manta Rays, @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @princessmisery666, @thoughtslikeaminefield, @katbratsupernaturalwhore, and @heavenssexiestangel!

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blacksapphhicmaddonna · 1 year

Text

I WOULDN’T DREAM OF IT.

Chapter 2 - Roll The Dice

Black!Carol Danvers x Maria Rambeau

Ft. Monica Rambeau

CW: slight mentions of- homophobic slurs(not written out), deciding not to report harassment in the military, one mention of a security/police officer, being drunk/partying, minor cuts/scrapes/bruises, parenting, loss of a parent, childhood trauma, regaining lost memories. also, a big part of this chapter is set in a flashback. nothing too crazy for any of this, but I just want everyone to know that these things are mentioned!

A/N: hey y'all! so, I wrote this like a book. it's long per usual, and this one's a bit angsty but nothing too serious. also sooooo sorry this is so late lmao, life comes at you hard and fast sometimes but we getting it together every day! I'll try to be quicker w/ updates🫡. much love, muahhh. thank you for reading! x ps. this isn't proof read bc I stayed up til 6:30 in the morning to finish writing it LMFAOO.💀 I'll come back at some point and proof read it, but sorry for any typos/grammar/syntax oddities as always.

Word Count: 19,078 (jump scare🫣)

Link to AO3!

title header & mood art by me⋆˙⟡♡ pls don't use/post elsewhere without asking! (lmk if y'all like it though! i'm thinking about doing stuff like this for all/most of my fics maybe)

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ Taglist⋆｡ﾟ ☾ﾟ｡⋆｡︎☁ﾟ｡⋆:

@mybonafidefeelings @maysflourish @nanajen8

also go read @mybonafidefeelings's new danbeau/carolxmaria series RIGHT NEOWWWW if you haven't already🥰

and while you're at it, go check out all the fics everyone in the taglist have written! they never disappoint!

here we gooooo, I hope you enjoy part two.💗

Once Monica finished her breakfast, she helped Carol clean up while she told her stories about her friends at school, all the inventions she'd come up with, and any other story her mind mustered up. She wanted to fill in as many blanks as possible for her other mother. Carol listened intently, taking in every moment of her daughter. She wanted to remember everything, even the things that might not seem important to other parents in different circumstances. She wanted to be able to reference these stories, prove that she remembered, that she cared enough to listen. Partly because her own parents never showed an interest, instead always finding the time to show their genuine dislike for her for whatever many reasons they had, or just disregarding her altogether. But also because Monica had always been so welcoming, so ready to receive her back like nothing had happened - or maybe like everything did happen and she still chose to hold on tight to her mother, choosing not to let the time separate them. So Carol held on tight too, wanting to prove she was reliable to the girl. She appreciated how open Monica was to her returning, but she also knew she had been gone for a long time. Longer than she should have been, she often thought. She knew that Monica was young, and might eventually change her mindset on the matter. She had every right to. It would make sense to feel some kind of way, and that scared Carol to her core. So she wanted to at least try and show up in the best way she could. Be present, be a mother - not just someone who literally drops in every now and then. She wanted to give the girl something she could hold onto, something she could trust.

Carol was always so in awe of both of the Rambeaus. Even though Maria always said that she and Monica were so much alike, she loved how much she was just like her mother too. Stubborn, but sure of herself. Interested in everything, always ready to learn and push forward - but soft, in her own way. Gentle, patient and kind. They both would go out of their way, even if it didn’t always seem like they were. She looked like her, too. Her brown eyes, her hair, the way she walked. She was just like Maria in the best ways (not that there was a bad way to be like Maria Rambeau), and also very much just herself. Just Monica, and she was the most amazing child the world had ever managed to produce. Carol was sure of it.

When they had finished in the kitchen, Carol decided to take a shower too. The hot water should be filled up again, and she was starting to feel the leftover sweat from last night mixing with the approaching heat from the day. Monica sat on the couch and turned on some cartoons, feeling fulfilled from breakfast which made Carol feel proud of herself for a lot of reasons. Cooking was something she always struggled with because she never had anybody to teach her. Maria thinks she might just naturally be a clutz in the kitchen too, but regardless, she worked with her for years as they grew up trying to teach her how to cook, giving her the gentle instruction and patience she never had. Usually to no avail, but it was a fond memory for both of them. Carol smiled, thinking that if her success in making pancakes this morning was any indication of the kind of day she would have with her daughter, she was sure it would be a good one. She wandered back upstairs, running her hands along the walls that still had blue and purple marker stains on them in some spots. As she walked through the hallway towards her shared room, she passed Monica’s room and couldn't help but smile. The girl’s room was what anybody would expect if they’d met her. A little messy, super colorful. She had her personality everywhere. A model of the solar system she had made when she was a little younger for a school project hung from the ceiling over her bed. A stuffed animal Carol had won for her at a carnival when she was a toddler, Maria had one to match that she secretly kept hidden in the drawer next to her bed still. She had drawings on blue construction paper all over her walls, mostly of her inventions (she called them her blueprints). The one picture that was on regular white paper had the word “Family” written on it. A crayon picture of Maria and Carol, with Monica in the middle. Carol’s heart skipped a beat seeing it. She was so lucky, she thought again. She passed the door and made her way to the end of the hall with a happy stride. The day had just begun and she was already doing better than she expected.

She stepped into the room and paused, her smile growing inward in an almost shy way. She was greeted with the scent and feel of Maria. She inhaled deeply, feeling a level of comfort roll through her body and pang in her chest. Mmm. Carol whispered to herself, almost embarrassed. But she couldn’t help it. She was everywhere. As much as they had kept Carol present in their lives, making sure she was alive and never erased from her fingerprint on the home, it had still been years since Carol had been gone so it made perfect, almost comforting sense to her that they had made it their own. They had to make it comfortable, they had to fill in the empty space. Just like Monica’s room, Maria’s was a perfect snapshot of her personality. It was well kept, everything had a place to be. If it ever did get messy, Carol was sure it didn’t last long. She looked over the room, noting the books next to the bed where Maria slept, all of them half read with bookmarks Monica had made her in them. She looked at the tray of jewelry sitting on the dresser, full of small dainty necklaces and a few pairs of stud earrings with different shapes, and a few pairs of hoops Maria would only wear if she was going out. She looked at the closet, one side open from this morning. All the clothes are organized by color, with a few boxes sitting on the top shelf. Even the bed they had slept in, it was already made perfectly to military standards with the edges tucked in perfectly - except for the top where Maria had extra pillows, all with light purple pillow cases contrasting the perfect white ones underneath.

She looked at the picture frames sitting on Maria’s perfectly organized desk as she walked over to it. On the left side was a picture of her and Monica at a park that had to be fairly recent, a picture of Maria standing outside the SWORD office smiling huge next to an older man in uniform, and a picture of Maria with her brother which must’ve been years old because Maria looked like she was in middle school maybe, making Carol reminisce about the girl she used to know. On the right side of the desk sat two pictures that didn’t face in all the way like the other two, as if they were put there intentionally but also intentionally not looked at as much. One, in a light purple frame, was Maria’s mother. Carol had never met the woman but had seen her face many times growing up in Maria’s father’s house. It was the same then, almost like the woman must have put the pictures of herself up and they didn’t have the heart to take them down, but they tried their best not to look. Next to that sat a framed picture of Carol and Maria smiling at the local bar they used to go to, their uniforms half undone and Carol’s hair out of regs with her aviators pushed back and a red bandana around her head. She remembers the bar more now, Pancho’s. She had been there with Fury and it jogged a lot of things for her, but she so badly wants to remember that day specifically. She runs her fingers close to it, but doesn’t dare to touch. She tries to remember the song they would sing together, all the lyrics. She can’t but she remembers how it felt to jump around for hours and then walk home, too drunk most times, bumping into each other and letting touches and looks linger a little too long, and then having to get up early the next day. She remembers that they would take turns walking each other to their barracks, sometimes daring to sleep in each other's rooms when they thought they might not get caught, always leaving one of them to sneak out in the morning. Carol laughs, thinking about how Maria was right last night, and how she was always better at leaving quietly than Carol.

When her eyes refocus on the photo, she can’t help but wonder how many times Maria had flipped the frame over, hiding the memory from herself. She wonders, just for a moment, if she would’ve been able to live through the grief she put her through. She would never know just how bad it was for Maria, she would never be able to see from her eyes what the woman went through or how she pulled herself out of bed every day and raised a child by herself, kept working, started SWORD. She wondered if Maria ever went back to that bar, or if she ever listened to the song again. She would never know how the woman truly felt in those years or what she did to keep herself busy, and she didn’t think she’d ever feel right asking. She wanted to think about the past few months, after everything. She wanted to think about how it must be even worse, in a way, knowing that Carol was out there saving other people while Monica grew up and Maria trudged on with no choice. She wanted to think about it but couldn’t, knowing what would happen if she let her mind attach to the thoughts and feelings. She gazed at the photo again and turned away, deciding that maybe she didn’t need to remember everything right now.

She walked over to the box they had pulled out last night for her and started going through some clothes, looking for something to change into. She realized that while she was in space, her suit did all the work for her - she never had to worry about pulling an outfit together. It did the heating, drying, cooling, protecting her from any number of threats - all while containing her powers in a comfortable way for her. So as she sorted through her belongings, she was now also coming to the realization that it also had built in underwear. She only had two pairs of regular underwear to her name and she was wearing one of them. She frantically sifted through the big box to no avail. She questioned why she would only have two pairs of underwear, rather than all of her undergarments or none of them at all. She guessed that the Air Force had something to do with it, remembering that they had packed everything up for Maria to come pick up instead of letting her do it. She cursed them under her breath, mad that once again Maria had something taken from her, deciding that she had no option but to wear the pair of boxer briefs she had found and figure it out later. She grabbed the boxers, an old band tee shirt and a pair of jeans and headed for the bathroom.

When she walks in the bathroom, she can hear Monica’s cartoons from the living room.

“I’m gonna bathe myself, Lt. Trouble! Come get me if you need anything, okay?”

She yells down. She waited to hear Monica’s response and when she didn’t she paused completely, silencing herself and the air around her, cartoons still playing. She could feel her heartbeat pick up its pace.

“Mon? Did you hear me?”

She shouts again, a bit louder, trying not to let on to her anxiety.

“Okay Mom!”

Monica yells back, mind focused on her shows. Carol exhaled deeply, relief flowing through her body. She chuckled at mom, gratitude buzzing through her whole body. She was still a mom to Monica and that meant more to her than she could ever explain. She added “go to therapy” on her mental to do list and started stripping.

Once all the layers were off, she chucked her socks in the pile she had made and stepped into the deep tub, pulling a purple shower cap over her hair and bending down to turn on the shower. She pulled the stop up before balancing out the water and heard the water make its way up the long pipe to the shower head slowly as she pulled the curtain closed around her. She immediately screeched, feeling freezing water run over her body. She had forgotten that Maria took cold showers in the morning to wake her up. She scrambled, trying to avoid as much of the frigid water as possible while she flipped up the hot water handle with her toes, jumping up and down, somehow not slipping. As the water began to warm and steam up, she found herself laughing. Out loud. She couldn’t stop. Captain Marvel was giggling like a child (Once again proving Maria right). She slid down and sat on her butt, pulling her knees into her chest and let the water run over her back. She eased into the warm feeling, still feeling laughter bubble up inside of her. She closed her eyes and remembered the last time she felt the shock of cold water all over her.

It was late, or maybe early. Carol felt herself getting tired, but she wanted to keep dancing. She wanted to keep singing. She wanted to keep seeing Maria, feeling her brush up against her while they danced and twirled in sloppy, drunken harmony, singing poorly to whatever song was playing. She didn’t want to go to work tomorrow just to test planes she would never get to fly outside of base. She didn’t want to sleep in her own bed, unless Maria was in it. She just wanted to keep living in this moment for as long as she could. She looked over at her equally drunk copart, dancing freely with her eyes closed. Maria rarely let loose like this, but when she did it was beautiful. She commanded the room, everyone tuning into her wavelength, feeling her all around them. She made everything beautiful, and when she was carefree, it was like no one on earth had a care in the world either.

Maria opened her eyes to see Carol looking at her and she smiled that toothy grin she had, making the heat from Carol’s chest rise to her face. She smiled back, pushing herself closer to the woman through the people dancing around them. The dark liquor they had both been drinking was coursing through them and burning off with every move, sending sparks through both of their bodies while they watched each other bop to the music. Carol made her way over and laughed, making some comment about how only they could make old white men’s music sound this good. Maria giggled in agreeance, grabbing Carol’s hand and twirling her around. She was tired too, but she was happy to have a break. They had both been working their asses off and both felt the same frustration with the position they were seemingly stuck in. They were making their way up in rank, one then the other, every time. But two facts always remained. They were both Black Women. So the Air Force didn’t give them much reign, despite the fact that they were statistically and literally the two best pilots the Air Force had ever seen and a lot of people knew it. Despite all their talent and gusto, they did their diligence day in and day out. So, when they got the chance to be free from the monotony, they took it, hand in hand, happily.

As Carol spun back into the woman’s arms with a heaving laugh, they both smiled at each other widely. Maria couldn’t look away, she felt stuck as her eyes moved down from her friend’s eyes to her lips. Carol surprised her by grabbing her other arm and spinning her just how she had done, and pulling her in with a dramatic dip. Everyone around them cheered, drunk too. They laughed with their bellies, feeling the song in their chests. Carol pulled Maria up slow, just as the exciting song ended. The next song started and it was slower, and most people around them coupled up, only some seeming annoyed as they made their way off the dance floor and back to the bar and stools. The two women looked around them, then at each other. They both shrugged with a small laugh, and Carol pulled Maria in to dance. She made some joke about being proper while she found her hands at Maria’s lower back, making the woman laugh as she made herself comfortable around Carol’s neck and shoulders. They laid their chins on eachother and swayed, letting the joke of it all dissipate into the air. It was moments like this that they relished in, secretly. Every now and then, they’d allow themselves a second to breathe each other in. Usually when they were drunk and their inhibitions were low. For both of them, it felt like everything melted away. Just like when they were younger and neither had been asked to the school dance, so they took each other. They shared one slow dance that night, making the excuse that it was tradition and neither should miss out on their first slow dance. They had wanted to dance together at prom, but they had both regrettably had dates for once. Maria had been asked by a boy from her science class, he played on the basketball team and told her she was pretty AND smart (wow, how romantic, Carol thought when she heard the story).

Carol hadn’t been asked but when she found out Maria said yes after being pressured by her father and not hearing Carol make a strong argument against it, Carol forced some kid from one of her classes to come with her. All four had danced that night, split into the ‘correct’ gendered pairs. Carol couldn’t keep her eyes off her bestfriend, and the feeling was mutual. During the final slow dance, they were all on the floor swaying in and out of rhythm with the song playing. Carol and Maria locked eyes and didn’t unlock them until the song was over. They had danced again during their first military ball, quietly in the back behind a pillar where no one could see them. It was unspoken but well understood. They didn’t talk about it after, they just went about their business. They always did. And they would again after tonight, carrying on like time didn’t stop when they touched like this. As the music played, Carol’s hand rubbed Maria’s back absent mindedly, while Maria rubbed small circles against Carol’s neck as they swayed, both in and out of daydreaming, both drunk and leaning a little too heavily on eachother. They both fought the urge to look up at each other, so they let their heavy heads rest on each other as they danced, feet in perfect timing with eachothers. This is what friends do, right? They were so comfortable with each other, it wasn’t weird to slow dance. Right? They almost stopped moving entirely, leaving just a small rocking between them as the music played through them, syncing their breaths. You feel so good, they both thought at the same time, almost forgetting that their freedom in this moment was due to the cognac surging through them.

When time started again and the song stopped, an upbeat one replacing it, they both lingered for a moment longer trying to hold onto the comfort they felt, and trying to collect their drunk selves. Over the sound of the music, the bartender announced last call and they looked at each other with a mischievous smirk.

“Last one to the bar pays for the shots!” They said in unison, falling gracefully back into their routine. They ran over, both making it there at the same time, so as always they paid for each other’s shots and continued jamming to the music and letting the ambiance of the bar carry them through the rest of the night. Everyone knew everyone, so they felt safe, which was nice. As they finished their last two shots each, they both felt the drunkenness take its strong hold on them and they decided this would be their last song. They grabbed the karaoke mics that no one else wanted and belted at the top of their lungs, horribly but everyone loved it. They jumped up and down, bursting at the seams with laughter and lyrics, dancing with whoever danced with them. Once the song ended, they grabbed each other’s hands and ran for the coat rack, bounding forward despite their lack of balance.

Pulling on their jackets, they stepped outside into the cooler air and took it in. Carol checked her watch and was astonished to see the time, despite the fact they everyone knew last call at Pancho’s meant it was 2am and the bar would be closing at 2:30. She looked over at Maria who was staring up at the sky.

“What’re you look-”

“Shh! Make a wish! Right now before you miss it!”

Maria rushed Carol, keeping her eyes closed and her hands clasped together like she was praying, maybe even begging. Carol smiled, knowing the shooting star that must’ve passed was already gone, but she chose to believe the energy would linger for Maria and her. She closed her eyes and spent no time trying to figure out what to wish for. She knew exactly what she wanted, what she needed. They both did. Carol kept her eyes closed after she was done, letting her body relax and fully feeling the disorientation of her drunkenness. She felt woozy, almost nauseous. Maria stared at her while her eyes were shut, allowing her body to relax at the sight. She felt her body move for her, without permission. She grabbed Carol’s hand, shocking the woman’s eyes open and started running without any explanation.

“What are you doing Rambeau? Where are we going?”

Carol asked, confused, dizzy and feeling a familiar spike of excitement rise in her. Maria was even more daring and much less prudent when she was intoxicated. She was taking her on an adventure and she was ready to go. She would follow the woman anywhere, drunk or not.

“You’ll see. Don’t you trust me, Danvers?”

Maria called behind her, laughing and out of breath the whole time but never stopping. Carol didn’t need to answer, they both knew the answer. They kept up laughing, thankful for all the PT they’d been forced to do by the United States military. They ran down quiet streets for a few minutes, until they made it to a dirt path with a bunch of trees, leading them off the main road. Maria looked back at Carol with an excited and sly smile. Carol pulled her hand back and made her face her.

“You’re not trying to serial killer me, right? Where are you taking me?”

She laughed, but meant the question.

“C’monnn.” Maria tugged, wanting to live in the moment while she could.

“Don’t you trust me?”

She asked again, looking in Carol’s eyes with a glint, but soft. Penetrating, Carol thought to herself. She knew she couldn’t say no, she never could. So, she smiled and signaled for Maria to keep taking her wherever she was.

“Lead the way.”

This made Maria smile excitedly, adding an extra skip in her step. They weren’t running this time but they were walking fast, Maria jumping around Carol who felt like she was in a movie or a trance, eyes never leaving Maria’s dancing body as they made their way down the dark path, leaving her feet to trust whatever path Maria made for her. Maria saw a clearing in the trees ahead of them and she started running again, creating too much space for Carol’s comfort. She snapped out of her trance and ran after the faster woman, feeling anxiety and frustration rise in her for a moment.

“What the hell, Rambeau? It’s dark out here! You can’t just run o-” Carol started while she wiped the sweat and dust off her face. When she opened her eyes, she saw Maria standing at the edge of a lake surrounded by thick brown sand and trees. Maria waved her over and the frustration fled Carol’s body faster than it arrived. She jogged up to Maria who was already undressing, making Carol choke when she saw glimpses of Maria’s dark skin that she didn’t usually see. I mean, sure, they’d seen eachother in bathing suits and naked before, when they were kids, but it had been a while. A long while. Carol had to force her mouth shut before Maria could see it hanging open.

“Cmon, hurry up! We gotta jump in before my better judgement takes over!”

Maria rushed as she pulled off her socks and yanked her pants the rest of the way down, pulling them over her ankles. Carol was still frozen watching her.

“Don’t tell me you’re scared Danvers? Cmon! It’ll help with the drunkenness and it’ll be a story to tell our kids!”

Maria exclaimed, pulling her shirt over her head. All the was left was her bra and perfect light purple underwear. Carol snapped out of it and laughed.

“HA! What the hell are you doing? Don’t tell me you’re about to-”

“Skinny dip? Yes the hell I am. And so are you. Hurry up!”

Maria finished her sentence as she grabbed her hand, pulling her over and pulling the bandana off her head and tossing it with her own clothes she had made a pile of. She started pulling at Carols shirt sleeves until Carol brushed her away, laughing but really just unable to let Maria help undress her. She was suddenly feeling very shy but as always, Maria was going to get what she wanted from Carol because that’s what Carol wanted. Maria looked at her with that So, are you gonna do it or not? look that Carol was usually giving her and waited for Carol’s face to break into a smile she couldn’t help.

“I can’t believe I’m about to do this with you. Don’t cry to me when you regret it tomorrow and have to blow your hair out in the morning!��

Carol said as she pulled her shirt over her head and exposed her own body, one that Maria wasn’t sure how to fully take in either as she fought back a smile at Carol’s comment. She thought about the last time she’d seen Carol completely naked, or at least as naked as she almost was standing there. They used to get dressed in front of each other all the time and they’d been in matching bathing suits a bunch of times growing up but it had been a while, since they weren’t rooming together in the barracks. She forced her stare away while Carol undid her pants and slid out of them, leaving only her boy shorts, a bra and socks. She kicked her socks off to match as Maria finished pulling the rest of her underwear off, and by the time they both turned around, they were stark naked in the middle of nowhere, right in front of each other.

The silence sat for a moment before they both laughed, the tension easing away like it always did. Maria grabbed Carol’s hand and ran for the water, looking back only to ask You ready? as her feet made their way into the moist sand, inching towards the cold water. Carol shot back As I’ll ever be before making her way in too. They both plunged forward, swimming out a bit but not too far. They both shot under the water and looked at eachother, grabbing hands again before popping back up. The water rolled off of them as they broke through the surface, blinking it from their eyes and feeling their hair. They laughed loudly, finding their bearings in the freezing water.

“Holy shit!” Carol swore, bobbing a bit as she figured out how to float again. Still laughing.

“More like Holy FUUUCK!” Maria shouted out with a laugh in her voice, lifting it into the trees around them. She couldn’t stop laughing, and she couldn’t stop shivering. Carol looked at her as she held her free hand that she was using to balance herself with as she floated out to Maria who happily took it in hopes it would help stabilize her as well.

“You’re a god damn maverick, Rambeau!” Carol laughed as she spun Maria around, swimming in circles trying to keep her blood pumping to warm them both up. Maria swam gracefully, still holding onto Carol’s hand. She was laughing but she was also quieter now. Carol questioned if it was the cold or if it was whatever made her jump into a freezing lake anyway. She pulled her back in and held her hand tight as she pulled her onto her back, pressing her front to her back and taking deep breaths trying to stay warm while still enjoying the fluidity of movement the water provided. They both felt like they were flying, finally.

“What’s going on in your head?” Carol asked as she swam in different directions for a little bit, back and forth as Maria clung to her back, clearly the drunker of the two now. The shock of the water had helped to sober them both up but Carol always had a higher tolerance to alcohol as it was. She was still drunk but not as drunk as her bestfriend, whos head was resting on top of Carol’s wet curls. She knew the humidity and however she planned to get sleep that night wouldn’t help with her process in the morning.

“I just want to fly. I just wanna feel free, you know?” Maria started, not exactly slurring her words but they weren’t as uniform with her natural cadence as they usually were. Carol nodded slightly with a Mhm to assure Maria that she was listening.

“I just… I just wish we could do whatever we wanted to do. I’m so tired of living by the same rules every day. I wish I could just fly into space and stay there, sometimes, you know?” Carol smiled at the thought of Maria being able to fly how she was meant to. High up, above the clouds. Away from everyone and everything that constantly tried to tie her feet to the ground. She did know, she felt the same way about herself.

“You’d leave me here on earth to deal with these bastards?” Carol asked, joking but also not. Maria half laughed, half hiccuped at the thought.

“Wherever I am, you are too. That’s how it’s always going to be, Danver’s. I fly, you fly. You fly, I fly. That’s never gonna change.” Maria said, meaning it. She was always more emotionally open when she was drunk and Carol almost felt bad listening to her, knowing she wouldn’t normally open up like this - especially naked, freezing, clinging to her best friends back with all her might and drunk in a lake they had no business being in. But she couldn’t help but revel in what the woman was saying. She felt the same.

“I know. I know. Come on, lets go home.” Maria wanted to put up a fight but she was shivering and suddenly very sleepy, so she let Carol swim them to shore. When they got out the water, the warm air offered some support in their drunken attempts to pull on their clothing over wet and suddenly sand covered bodies. They weren’t sure if they were putting on the right things but they knew it was covering their important parts and that’s what matters.

“Can we stay at look at the stars for a little bit?” Maria asked, even though she was the one in charge, whether she knew it or not. Carol knew it. She nodded, knowing it wasn’t a good idea but one she couldn’t deny the soft woman in front of her. She spread their jackets out on the beach for them to lay down and they both did just that, scotting their bodies close to each other instinctively. They peered up at the stars above them, seeing them clearly in the huge circle the trees made. It was perfect, they both thought. Some moments went by before Carol asked a question.

“What did you wish for earlier?”

“Shh. I can’t tell or it won't come true. It was something I’ve always wanted, so it has to come true.” She explained, sleep and bourbon clouding her voice.

“Mine too.” Carol whispered, her own eyes growing heavy. They held hands and both thought that the other woman must’ve wished for them to finally be able to do their jobs the right way, to be able to fly for real. Little did they both know they were wishing for the same thing. Each other.

They laid there, staring at the stars until they weren’t. Sleep came easy for them that night, as odd as it was. It got odder when they woke up, facing each other with only a nose length between their faces, feeling the warm sting of the sun in their eyes. They looked at eachother and started laughing until they heard the familiar sound of security keys dangling and a radio in the nearing distance. They knew it had to be the wannabe cops that patrolled the area and they knew it was their time to get the hell out of there. They ran back down the same path and back onto the main road until they made it to Pancho’s. They slowed to a casual pace after that, trying not to draw attention to themselves even though they had sand all over and their hair was nowhere near what it looked like the previous night. They walked, quietly, but happily together back to the barracks and passed out in Maria’s room. She wanted the comfort of her own space to ease through her impending hangover, but she needed the comfort of Carol’s arms too. Carol put up no fight, trying not to be too obvious that she wanted to be there too. Though she’d never tell, Maria positioned herself perfectly to be held and went right to sleep.

Carol stayed up until she fell asleep like she always did, making sure she was on her side in case she threw up or needed water. She watched as Maria slept, looking like she was floating again. She was so beautiful and Carol was so tired. She laid down and held the woman, her arms perfectly fitting into the space that was left, like it was made for her. They slept most of the day away and when Carol woke up, she set medicine next to Maria’s bed and snuck out, quieter than normal. She thought about what Maria had said when she was in the water as she walked back to her room to take care of her own hangover and messed up fro’. She promised herself that day that no matter where she flew, she would make sure Maria would be there too. Behind that promise, she knew that she would follow Maria to the end of the earth, even the end of the universe without a second thought. She tried to shake some self respect back into her own dreams, smiling despite herself and went to sleep. She dreamed of Maria, because Maria was her dream.

Carol’s day dreaming was interrupted by a cold surge through the shower head again, and the sound of the downstairs sink running before being cut off. Her super hearing alerted her to the sound of Monica filling a cup and going to sit back down. She buzzed under the cold water before it eased back into the warmth she had set for herself. She felt more fond of the cold now. She stood back up and washed her body, letting the water run over her face. The soap smelled like both Monica and Maria and she felt comfort knowing she would smell like them now, too. She finished up and got out, drying herself with her powers instead of making more laundry for herself with the towels she had been looking at the night before. She grabbed her clothes and located her underwear and bra from the pile.

When she grabbed the pair of boxers, she looked at the inside hem and saw “DANVERS” written in smudged black sharpie on the white tag. She laughed with an edge of old frustration, remembering how she had to do that because people kept stealing her underwear in the laundry room as a prank because her and Maria had ranked up before a few of the other men in their unit. Maria’s clothes never got stolen, but they didn’t refrain from trying to get to her in other ways. None of which she ever humored, but Carol knew it got to her a few times. Some of the guys had called them ‘lesbos’ a few times, and eventually it evolved into the d slur. Both pilots always had different comebacks that consistently left the immature weasels with little to say back. Carol knew both of those words well having heard them most of her life, and she had taught herself not to internalize it.

Maria, on the other hand, let the first one roll off her for the most part - but the second one sometimes picked at scabs she had long covered up. Scabs she wasn’t ready to look at yet. They both decided not to report the harassment because it would probably end up worse if they did, and eventually it died down. They both continued to rise in ranks slowly but surely, and finally Mar-Vell came and they felt some reprieve from the monotony they were used to. Carol shivered at the thought of what came after that, though.

She slid the rest of her clothes on and walked back into the bedroom. She put her dirty clothes in the laundry basket next to the closet for her to do later, and walked back over to the box of her things. She’d seen a bunch of stuff Monica had shown her the first time she came home, but she wanted to know what was in the other boxes Maria had kept. She went through the bottom of the box that had her clothes in it not finding anything she hadn’t already seen, and then pulled open the other one they had left out. She presumed this is one Maria hadn’t shown Monica as it had light dust on it when she opened it.

She sifted through, halfway hoping to find another pair of underwear, but instead she found a bunch of papers and trinkets. Some necklaces and a silver chain bracelet, wristbands from carnivals and bars they had been to together, a pair of dice from a board game they had stolen from a store one time when they were younger and had kept as they grew up. She ran her hands over everything, trying to take in as much of her former self as she could like she always did when she had the chance. She fumbled at the bottom of the box and pulled out a bunch of papers, some folded, some grocery lists with toiletries and snacks crossed off here and there, some half done crossword puzzles that Carol was never good at, and a few opened envelopes. She sat the rest down and looked over each envelope with care.

Some had cards in them, birthday and christmas cards, one from valentines day. All of them had silly characters or jokes on the front. They had made a good habit of buying each other cheesy cards for every holiday they could think of, Carol strained to remember as she read through them. She rubbed her finger over Maria’s perfect signature, wondering if she kept the ones Carol had gotten her, too. She filed through the papers curiously, flipping through piece after piece of paper that held a small snapshot of moments in her life. Mundane, ordinary moments. She cherished them, and she was grateful to both Maria for keeping them and herself for never being organized and keeping all this stuff that most people would’ve eventually thrown away or allowed themselves to misplace over time. Her eyes fixed on a thicker envelope. She grabbed it, reading the red script labeled across the front.

To: Danvers

From: Rambeau ♡

Carol smiled at the little heart Maria had drawn next to her last name. She opened the letter, finding another heart on the back of the envelope where it was once sealed. Carol reads over the letter, feeling emotion and memory rise up in her chest, spreading through her whole body. The letter is dated, of course because Maria is ever punctual. It was from when they had been stationed at two separate bases for the first few months. It was agony for both of them, being in two separate states. Carol had sent Maria a letter when she first arrived, thinking she would be the first one to write. She was shocked, however, to find a letter waiting for her when she arrived at the post office on base. She had opened it the second she got back to her barracks room. It was an envelope inside an envelope, the outer one having had their full names and ranks and official military postage, the second one having the cute little hearts Maria drew perfectly when she wrote. Again, she was softer than most people expected her to be.

The letter expressed pretty much exactly what Carol had in hers, which came to no surprise to either of them when they both read what the other had sent. They were always on the same wavelength. They both had so much more they needed to say, but they were so grateful to hold something physical that the other had taken time to write for the other. Maria asked how Carol was doing, explained what had been going on with her, and complained about the men on base per usual. Just as if they were together in person.

As Carol read through it, she laughed, probably how she had the first time, at a lot of the letter. Towards the end though, she felt a tight ball of heat sitting in her chest restricting her breathing. She almost couldn’t read through what was left of the letter. Was she embarrassed?

“Anyways, I hope you’re still kicking ass. I KNOW you are, that always came easy to you.

I hope we can call soon, hopefully without being interrupted by the other idiots needing to use the phone every single time you do. I can’t believe there's only four on your base and only two that actually work (what happened to ‘The Air Force’s finest?’). You’d think with all the money the military has.. You know. I know it’s hard for both of us to find the time right now but I just really miss you, Carol. I miss shitty karaoke a lot, I can’t do it with these clowns here without you. Friday nights just aren’t the same haha. I miss renting the same movies every weekend and staying up all night eating too much. I even watched Fame the other day without you. I still hate it but it was nice, I just wish you were here to act out all the scenes. And I’ll deny it if you ever tell anybody, but I even miss your shitty cooking (burn this after reading), and not just because it makes it easier for me to be the better cook, but just because it’s you. I never used to hate writing letters but I do now, because it reminds me how far they have to travel to get to you. I hate that we’re not together, we’ve always been together. And as much as I act like I know what I’m doing, sometimes I feel lost without you here. And I know we’ve been pretending everything is the same but it isn’t, at least not for me. I wish we had more time to talk before you left. I wish we had more time in general. Damn the Air Force. Regardless, I just want you to know that I love you. And I’m so proud of you. I always am.

It’ll all be better soon. I believe that, just like you always do. We’ll be up in the air in no time. I’ll meet you up there. I’ll be the one whipping by you. Catch up if you can.

Take good care of yourself, because I’m not there to do it for you.

You’re the best damn pilot in the Air Force (second only to me, of course), and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise! Call me when you get the chance. And hurry up and write back!

Always,

Rambeau.

Ps. Things wont always be this way. Don’t forget that. And don’t forget that round of shots you owe me, either, goofball.”

Carol felt the heat of a blush running to her cheeks. She was thankful for her dark complexion hiding it, although no one was there to see her anyways. Why did she feel so giddy, and also… embarrassed? She felt like she was reading someone’s diary, even though the letter was clearly addressed to her and she had already read it. Years ago. She scanned over the text again, regarding Maria’s perfect handwriting. She felt like she was reading a love letter. Maybe it was, but she was too anxious to entertain the thought too much. She wasn’t exactly sure what that would mean, and she wasn’t sure if this year's old letter still even meant anything other than friendship.

Maria had been tight lipped about a lot of stuff, even though she pretended like she wasn’t. Her and Monica always answered Carol’s questions openly, happily for the most part unless it was about the ‘missing period’. They all tried to avoid that subject now, as time had gone by, but they all also knew that it would come up naturally sometimes and it couldn’t be left unanswered all the time. Aside from that, to the untrained eye, it seemed like Maria was willing to give up any bit of information that would help get them all back to how they used to be or at least help figure out what life looked like moving forward. But Carol knew better, she had a very well trained eye for Maria Rambeau, it was second nature for her - with or without the gaps in her memory. There had been a few moments, just brief enough to almost miss, since Carol came back the first time with Fury and even more recently on some of her visits, when the unshakeable Maria had gotten flustered or nervous, where the heat currently in Carol’s cheeks had been in hers. When her heart threatened to beat so hard it would leap from her chest. Granted, she hid it well but again, Carol could always see through her. She seldom was at a loss for words or made quick, messy cover ups in conversation. Usually the people around them didn’t even notice. Monica didn’t even catch it, or at least didn’t acknowledge it. It happened once or twice when Carol and Maria were alone, too. Carol knew things like that only happened when Maria felt unsure, or when she really didn’t want to talk about something. Anyone who had ever met Maria knew she was as straightforward as they come, so that’s what made Carol pay extra attention when she was avoiding something.

The thoughts of romance danced around Carol’s brain tauntingly, aching for her to pull them forward and examine them. But knowing how Maria was, and knowing that she only got that way when she was purposefully avoiding something, Carol settled on a quiet feeling of rejection instead - against her better judgment. She let it swell through her, enflaming the previous feelings of embarrassment right along with it. She put the letter away, resigning that she should just be thankful to have a friend who cares for her so much and that she wouldn’t allow herself to think anything else. She did this often, rejected herself before other people could to avoid the stinging feeling of embarrassment or disappointment her parents and the people she grew up with often supplied her with.

Maria never made her feel that way, and maybe that's why she would accept this quiet, self imposed feeling now instead of facing it in person with the other woman. She couldn’t risk ruining something she had just gotten back, anyways. Right? Right, she forced herself to agree in her head. She decided to go find Monica and clear her head of the letter. As she walked out, she glanced at the picture of Maria and the child again and sighed softly, letting a small smile of gratitude cover her face. This could be enough for her, if she would let it be.

Monia was sitting on the couch still, no longer paying any mind to the tv playing in the background. She was eagerly reading through the huge phone book they usually had sitting on the coffee table, bracing it against her bended knees as she flipped through the yellow pages quickly.

“What’re you looking for, Lt. Trouble?”

“Someone who sells the parts I need for my next invention! What letter do you think that would be under?”

Carol laughs, deciding to humor the girl.

“Hmm, you know I’m not sure. Have you tried under sales? Or maybe…a junkyard?”

“I could try the junkyard! I didn’t try that yet!”

“Maybe I can get you a hook up from Fury, orrrr maybe your mom knows someone at her job? What’re you even looking for?”

“I already asked her last week! She said she would check but I think she was just saying that. Here’s my list.”

Monica handed Carol a surprisingly long list, with a few things checked off that Carol assumed were already laying around the house. She wondered if Maria knew that these things had been checked off, which gave her a good chuckle. She set the list down and turned to Monica.

“Okay, I think I can get you some of these but the bigger things are definitely gonna need some work. Maybe we can roll down to the junkyard this week?”

“YES! And no take-backsies!”

“Wouldn’t dare. How about you come help me handle the laundry and dishes and then we can head outside?”

“Deal. I think you might need help figuring out the detergent set up Ma’ has anyways. She’s very particular.”

Monica explains, leaping up into action and grabbing Carol’s hand to pull her along.

Monica was right, Maria had a very elaborate and strict laundry system. The two of them likely didn’t get it exactly right but they did their best to pay attention to details neither of them really cared about but knew Maria did, wanting not only to please and respect Maria, but also wanting to avoid what she would have to say about it if they got it wrong or chose to ignore it. Carol tried to use her powered speed and agility to help make the process move quicker, but it only hindered the experience. She noted that the chance to move slowly and be mindful was probably why Maria seemed to enjoy the routine of laundry and such. It probably helped calm her down and help her be present after long days working to protect the whole world, while still having to be a full time mom to a rather rambunctious child, on top of whatever anxiety Carol added throughout her week. She smiled and decided to try and match the attentiveness. Her and Monica spent a while switching between loading and unloading, doing the dishes left over from dinner last night and breakfast - eventually returning to sort and fold the clean clothes and linens. It smelled lovely in the laundry room, reminding both of them of Maria. It comforted them in a way only she could.

Once they finished with the inside chores, they decided to mix and match to-do lists. Monica needed to catch some frogs just as much as Carol needed to mow the lawn, she insisted. Carol agreed to help her catch some frogs if she would agree to help her patch up some of the paint that Maria had been avoiding doing. They shook on it, running off into the field that would be mowed down later in the day. They went at it excitedly, jumping around in the tall grass and dirt, painting not so gracefully and splattering white paint on each other by “accident”.

By the time they finished the side of the house and Monica had caught, released and named at least eight frogs that she swore were all different despite being nearly identical, they had both created more laundry to do and were both definitely in need of a bath but neither minded in the slightest. Even once they were done, they chased each other around tirelessly until Monica was hiccupping and giggling at the same time. Carol marveled at Monica’s intrinsic wonder and love at the world around her. In her Hero heart, watching it solidified her sense of duty to protect the galaxy, making sure nothing and no one could ever bring harm to the world her daughter so loved. But in her Carol heart, it made her giddy too. Almost envious in a way. She missed the days when she could roll around in a yard and only worry about trying not to crush too many bugs. Now she had to worry about whether someone was going to crush a planet or not. She often longed for a childhood she never really had, and sometimes even the one she did have when she could piece it together. She knew it wasn’t a good one, but she had Maria. She just had Maria. And now Monica does too, and god was she glad about it.

Carol picked the younger girl up and flew her to the front porch in a flash, something Maria would swear she didn’t approve of as she fought back her own giggles. Monica shouted with pure glee as her feet landed back on the wood she knew well. They zipped in the house and ran to the kitchen, ready for lunch. Monica decided she would handle making it, promising Carol the best turkey and cheese sandwich she would ever have. Or at least better than she could make herself.

“Mayo or mustard Mama?”

Carol beamed a grin across her face, feeling a familiar hot blush swipe across her at the word mama but she tried to play it cool.

“I want whatever you’re having, Trouble!”

Carol responded happily, only after registering the fact that she hated mustard and hoped that Monica did too. She watched as the girl ran through the kitchen, leaving a small mess across different surfaces. She whipped up the two sandwiches like she did it very often, and sat two plates down in front of Carol with a big toothy smile.

“Wa-La! The Trouble special!”

She exclaimed, nudging the sandwich to Carol and taking a big bite out of her own, leaving a smudge of mayo on the inner side of her finger. Thank god, Carol laughed to herself. Before she could remind the girl to make sure she cleaned up, Monica was already stacking up her ingredients and propping open the fridge with her foot. This made the woman smile, knowing she had probably heard one too many times from Maria about cleaning up after herself.

“Take a bite!” Monica mumbled, chewing down another bite herself and gesturing to Carol with her hands. Carol bit into the sandwich and began mimicking the fancy chefs they would watch on tv together.

“Mmm! Magnificent work yet again, Chef Rambeau!”

Monica smiled before straightening her face and standing up straight before taking a bow, nearly dropping her own sandwich. They both laughed and enjoyed their sandwiches, Carol deciding to sneak Monica a coke in thanks for making the best sandwich she’d ever had, saying "this ones on me” and promising to tell Maria she drank them if she asks. Once they both finished and decided that Monica won the burping contest, they decided to tackle the lawn and climb the tree. Monica ran back outside like she had all the energy in the world, and Carol followed behind at a much slower pace as if she didn’t literally have all the energy in the world.

They took turns pushing the mower up and down the huge yard in different directions, trying to make different drawings with the pattern it created. Carol figured Maria wouldn’t mind much. Once they finished, both sweating under the direct heat of the sun, they were both happy to have some reprieve when they made their way over to the trees. Carol laid down in the grass underneath the biggest tree, grateful for the shade it provided.

She breathed deep, taking in the soft wind that was blowing. It wasn’t as humid as she had expected, another thing she was grateful for. Monica plopped herself next to her, pulling up her tee shirt sleeves to match Carol’s rolled up sleeves. She poked at the tan line appearing where the shirt sat for most of the day. Carol pointed to her own, kind of happy to have a tan to her brown skin again. She spent a lot of time in her suit, so it always felt nice to have regular clothes on. She thought about how the sun on earth felt so different than on other planets, who all had different sources of heat and light. She looked over at Monica, who was now laying down too, watching a lady bug crawl through her hands. She was brighter than the sun, Carol thought, before she pushed her sunglasses up her forehead to tangle in her fro’ again.

“So, you’re gonna conquer the big one today, huh?”

“Absolutely. Mom always gets nervous so she told me to wait until you came home again. The whole super power thing and stuff.”

Monica rolled her eyes and continued looking at the lady bug with curiosity.

“Well, she kinda has a point kiddo. Let’s do it.”

Monica jumped to her feet, pausing only to gently place the lady back in the grass and hopped over to the foot of the tree. She walked around it, looking for the perfect place to start. She found her footing and called Carol over to spot her from behind.

“Alright, pay attention and be careful. Let me know if you get stuck, okay?”

“Gotcha gotcha. If I get stuck, will you fly up to me?”

Monica asked while climbing up the first couple inches, hoisting herself up to find a sturdy hand hold between two branches and bracing her legs against either side.

“We’ll see.”

Carol watched intently, squinting her eyes against the sun and smiling with her teeth, hands ready to catch Monica. The girl climbed up a few feet and held on tight.

“So, this is how far I got last time with Mom. I just have to streeetchhhhh over to the next branch.”

“You got this, just pretend your arms are made of elastic and reach.”

Monica tried a few times to stretch over with no success, before deciding to just leap as far as she could to connect her hands. Carol’s heart nearly jumped out her chest, not even realizing her own feet had ended up off the ground, floating next to the girl who had successfully made the jump. She smiled at her mom, ignoring the small scratches on her forearms that were starting to bleed just a little bit.

“Jesu- Good job, Trouble! Just maybe tell me next time?”

“We’ll see.”

Monica shot back with that same toothy grin her mother has. She made her way up the rest of the tree and sat on the highest branch she felt comfortable with, kicking her feet with pride. Carol decided to climb the tree next, doing it with ease to meet Monica on the branch. She sat on the one next to it, as to not add too much weight.

“Why didn’t you just fly or float or something?”

“That would be cheating! Plus, I wanna be as cool as you are. I wish I had a camera so we could show your mom!”

“I’ll just have to do it again!”

“Sounds like a plan, kiddo.”

Carol laughed, squeezing Monica’s cheek just a bit before letting her climb on her shoulders to fly back down and head to the house to clean up.

After washing up, they decided to play some video games for a bit until it was time to start setting up for dinner. They had about two hours until Maria got home and they both wanted to at least be started on food when she arrived. Monica pulled out all her favorites and told Carol to pick which one to play first. They took turns picking after the first few rounds of operation, shutes and ladders, and jenga - all of which Monica won.

Carol insisted on playing something she had a fighting chance at, so they grabbed the deck of cards from the coffee table and played Go Fish. Carol won the first round, but Monica won the last three. Finally, admitting full defeat, Carol asked if they had anymore games. Monica grabbed two more from where they kept them, splaying them on the table. Carol’s eyes caught something familiar, pulling it to herself without a thought. She stared at the worn box and tried to remember. Monica watched, offering an explanation just as Carol was finding one of her own.

“Mom says she always used to beat you at this. She wouldn’t play it with me for a while but one day she brought it out after dinner and taught me. She beat me too the first two times, but I beat her after that. You wanna play?”

Carol wasn’t sure if she was biting back a smile, a laugh, or tears. She nodded and let Monica set the board up. Monica read the instructions out loud just in case Carol didn’t remember it, which Carol wasn’t sure if she did. She decided to just play and see what sticks. Monica handed her the light blue piece without asking, and Carol saw that it had her initials written on it. She watched as Monica sorted through the colors, passing over the purple one that had M.R written on it. She felt a tug in her heart as she watched Monica choose the red one that had a small, barely legible M.R on it too. She watched as Monica pulled out cards and then a set of white and black dice. Carol stood up abruptly, leaving Monica no time to question it.

“Hang on, there’s two pieces missing. I’ll go grab them.”

Carol ran upstairs almost embarrassingly fast and b-lined for the box she had looked through earlier. She grabbed the two colorful die she had left there earlier and headed back downstairs, feeling a mixture of excitement and belonging, along with a deeper, quieter sense of yearning.

Her and Monica played several rounds, Monica winning the first one until Carol remembered all her strategies from all the times she had beat Maria’s ass at the game. Carol agreed to another game, rolling the dice first since she lost the last round. She rolled doubles, and took her turn. While Monica was doing her lucky roll ritual of blowing on the dice and kissing her small hands, Carol felt herself slipping into a memory she had long displaced. She let herself remember slowly, recalling the reason the dice had even been separated from the game board in the first place.

“You take the board, I’ll take the dice. That way, we both have a piece, neither of us can play, and then no one else gets the chance to whoop your ass. That’s reserved for my talents.”

Carol laughed, but she was being serious. She was desperate to hold onto anything that could be just for them. Something she could carry in her pocket shamelessly, that no one would understand if they saw. They might think she had a gambling addiction or something, no one would suspect she was trying to hold onto any remnants she could of the woman she loved in her everyday life. She watched as Maria chuckled, probably formulating a sarcastic comeback, Carol assumed with a smirk. Maria never just accepted defeat, that's why they had played the game so many times.

“Sounds good to me, Danvers. I wouldn’t let anybody else win, anyway.”

Maria quipped back, knowing she never actually let the other woman win but she couldn’t resist making her think about the possibility. She, too, was happy to keep as many tangible reminders of what they had with her. They both had been fighting with themselves for their friendship to be enough, that having that ripped away from them sent them both reeling. She rubbed her finger over the ripped up pricing sticker on the back of the box waiting for Carol to respond.

“Yeah, OKAY. Like hell you let me win. No one loses that many times, THAT bad and is just letting-”

Maria wrapped her arms around the other woman, letting the box and a few pieces fall out on her bed. She held on tight and fought against sniffling. She wouldn’t let herself let it go. Let her go. She felt Carol choke on the words she didn’t get to finish and relax her body into the embrace. It was almost too relaxed. Neither wanted to admit they were fighting back tears that might never stop flowing if they let them start.

Carol didn’t mind being cut off, she was just finding words to string together anyway. There really wasn’t time for small talk but what else were they supposed to do? Leave it up to Maria to figure it out. To do the thing no one else would. To make the move everyone was afraid to - the one Carol was afraid too. Most people thought Carol was the fearless one just based off her usual demeanor and what people saw her do. Little did they know that she had never been more terrified than in this moment. Not knowing when they’d be able to play the game again. Not knowing when they would be able to touch like this again. Not knowing anything other than that they were afraid and loved each other so deeply.

They sat like that for longer than they both figured they should’ve, but neither felt any regret or shame in the moments as they piled up. They both ignored the awkward angle they were in, they both ignored the sounds outside the barracks room, they both ignored the clock as it ticked cruelly forward. They sank into each other, both laying their chins on the other's shoulder, letting the sides of their faces touch. It was close enough to look over and kiss. Neither dared to let the thought get too loud, choosing to let the contact be enough. It always had to be just enough, between them.

They didn’t say much after that, just small hums and sniffles here and there as they rocked slowly trying to find any sort of comfort they could. They laid down after a while, and before Maria could protest through her tears, Carol promised she would get up early enough to make it back to her room before the bus left the base. They laid there, quietly fighting sleep, wrapped as close together as they could be. Maria kept her face down and her forehead on Carol’s chest, Carol kept her arm under Maria’s neck and pulled her as close as she could with the other. Eventually she reached for Maria’s hand, this time it was her turn to do the thing that they both needed someone to do. Maria eventually cried herself to sleep, and Carol stayed up just rocking her softly until the sun came up.

When she stood up to leave, grabbing her bags and smoothing a hand over her braid, Maria turned over to take her in. She tried to glare at her, but it softened itself against her will into a sad smile.

“Don’t you dare leave without saying goodbye, Danvers.”

They both felt a warm tear or two tear itself across their cheeks. Carol tried her best to match the smile Maria was bravely offering her but it came off even weaker. She walked over and kissed the woman on the forehead before turning to leave, afraid that if she stayed even a minute longer she would never leave. Thoughts of going AWOL floated through her head for the billionth time since she had gotten her orders four days ago. She fought them off with as much strength as she could muster and took another step into the door frame.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

She felt the glare of a rising sun sear into her eyes and she stepped through the threshold, choosing not to look back at the woman on the bed she had just left. Maria wondered if she would’ve looked back either, as she let herself curl into herself and let out the sobs she was fighting back before. She silenced them as best as she could and stayed that way until she had to get up, leaving her no choice but to pull herself together into something that resembled the woman she was just a few days before.

Carol stood outside the door, trying hard not to listen for Maria for a moment before forcing her feet forward. Step after step, more tears fell from her as she grit her teeth to fight back the screams sitting in her chest. She, too, had to be put together in the next few minutes and it seemed the most impossible task. It almost was.

“Ma’? It’s your turn.”

Carol shook her head, only then registering the wetness in her eyes. She picked up the dice and rolled them, trying to refocus on the game infront of her. She shouted when she rolled doubles again, meaning she got to go twice now.

“Looks like I still got it, afterall!”

“Yeah.. sure. Let’s ignore that I beat you all the other times.”

Monica laughed out, observing the change in her mother.

“I was just letting you win!”

Carol laughed, mostly to herself, as she moved the blue piece across the board.

“That’s what mom always says. I don’t believe her and I definitely don’t believe you!”

Monica shot back playfully. This made them both laugh, knowing it was true. Some things don’t change.

They kept playing a few turns until Monica finally decided to ask the question she had been formulating the whole game so far.

“What were you thinking about?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just now, after you took your first turn. It seemed like you weren’t really here for a little bit.”

Monica, just like her mother, ever to the point. Carol hesitated before choosing to just answer truthfully.

“Sometimes, when I’m home with you guys or even when I’m out there in space.. If I touch something, or smell something or someone says a certain somethin’... I remember stuff. Sometimes its just a quick second in my mind, sometimes its like flashbacks. I have a lot of rememberin’ to do, so sometimes I get stuck trying to see it clearly.”

Monica stared at the woman in front of her with understanding eyes. She waited a moment before responding.

“That makes sense, you know. I heard on TV that amnesia can make it take a while to get all your memories back.”

Carol shifted in her seat at the word amnesia, because it was so medical. She never actually did get checked out by a doctor on earth, trying to avoid a conversation about why she was super charged 24/7. She didn’t want to draw attention to her family but she had heard the word being tossed around by Fury and Maria a few times. She nodded at Monica, motioning for the girl to take her turn as they talked. Monica continued.

“Ya’know… I like when you remember stuff. Sometimes I get sad thinking you don’t know all the stuff I do. But then I just remember that it's still in there somewhere. There’s a lot of good stuff waiting for you.”

The girl smiled reassuringly, finishing her turn and deciding to pat Carol’s hand softly just like her mom does to her when she’s upset by something.

“You’re pretty smart, you know that?”

“Of course I know that. I’m actually a genius, but that’s all just semantics.”

“You got me there, kiddo.”

Carol said while rolling the dice again and moving her pieces. She might actually win this round.

“If you ever have any questions about stuff, you can just ask me. Mommy doesn’t always tell you or me everything, but I remember. Sometimes I think I know more than both of you combined.”

Monica smirked, looking over the board calculating precisely how to take Carol out now that she had her where she wanted her. She took her turn calmly, trying not to alert Carol to her master plan. Carol watched mindlessly as the girls piece glided across the board. Maybe she wouldn’t win this round, actually.

“That would be nice, Mon. Thanks. You can ask me stuff too. Also, just spare me and take me out now!”

Carol smirked back, knowing she would have to roll doubles again to beat the red piece.

“It’s no fun if you just give up!”

Carol decided to do Monica’s good luck trick this time, blowing on each die separately and then kissing her hands when she brought them together. She tossed them on the board aimlessly, trying not to focus on the numbers so she didn’t jinx it. They both watched as both die rolled a 3.

“No way!”

“Haha! Maybe your lucky trick does work!”

Carol laughed as she moved her piece past Monica’s and into the goal. Finally, a win. She stood up and did a goofy dance around the table like Monica had done before her when she was winning. They both started the giggles again, deciding it was probably time to start cleaning up and getting everything ready for dinner.

As they sorted through the cabinets together, Monica standing on the counter despite what her mother would say, Monica began telling Carol stories to see if she could help jog her memory since Carol hadn’t asked any questions yet. She ran through her baby years, her toddler years - especially her ‘troublesome two’s’ as Maria calls them, and everything up until when Carol went missing. They both chose not to talk about why there was such a gap in time. Carol listened quietly, laughing here and there when the story almost always resulted in some hilarious mishap on Carol and Monica’s part. Monica felt successful as she could see her mom piecing things together while they attempted to boil noodles and mix together pasta sauce on the stove. They both tried to keep it from getting messy, not wanting to add any stress to Maria’s plate when she got home.

Monica told as many stories as she could while Carol took them in happily, filing some away to focus on later when she could fully process them. They were all happy moments, usually funny. It was nice to know that life was good before the accident. Finally, when they started grating the cheese together, Monica decided she would ask some questions now since she had told so many stories. She had a lot she wanted to know too.

“Here, you do this one and I’ll do this one. Just be careful with the grater, it can get tricky towards the end.”

Carol motioned to Monica as she walked over to the table with a bowl to put the cheese in when they were done. Carol picked up some cheese and got to work, being mindful herself. Just because cuts healed up quickly for her didn’t mean they didn’t sting when she got them. She knew this well, especially being in a kitchen. Monica started grating too, trying to perfectly time her question. She had been through the boxes upstairs too, always making sure to leave them how she found them so she didn’t tip her mother off. She never understood why she kept them private from her like she didn’t already know about most of the stuff in there.

“So, why don’t you and mom kiss anymore?”

Carol’s hand skidded to a stop, a choke coming up her throat that ended in a cough she could barely get out. She stood there stunned for a moment, unsure if she had heard the girl correctly. She didn’t notice the small cut on the side of her finger from the edge of the grater yet.

“W-what?”

“Why don’t you and mommy kiss anymore? I don’t know why she keeps all that stuff in the boxes upstairs a secret like I didn’t always see you guys. It was normal when you guys acted normal, now it’s weird seeing you two act different. Did you guys get into a fight or something?”

Carol was still too stunned to speak, standing over the more than half grated cheese that was now no good to use since her finger was bleeding a bit more. Monica looked up at her and noticed the blood, then stared at her with those same curious eyes, only now a touch of concern in them. Carol could feel the stare so she forced herself to shake her head again, clearing her throat in the process.

“I, um, I don’t really know what you’re talking about I don’t think.”

“Right. Here, your blood is ruining the cheese.”

Monica handed her a towel. Carol looked down and finally noticed all the blood. It wasn’t a crazy amount but definitely enough to have ruined the cheese. She wrapped the towel around it and walked to the sink, rinsing it off with cool water while she felt like she was in a daze. She started thinking about the letter Maria had sent her again. She read through the words in her head again, over and over while the water stung her finger. She could hear Monica in the back cleaning up her mess and she felt bad. She felt bad for ruining a part of dinner per usual, but also for reacting this way. And for not actually having an answer. She couldn’t have been sure before this but now she could.

Maybe? Maybe Monica meant cheek kissing or forehead kisses. Maybe her child mind was more innocent than Carol’s confused one. She turned the water off and looked in the junk drawer for some bandaids. She pulled out a pink barbie one and wrapped it tight over her new cut. It would probably be gone in a few hours but she wanted the security of the bandaid in the moment. For some reason, she felt shaken up again. Her face felt hot and her chest felt tight. She turned back to Monica who was finishing up her grating now, adding it into the bowl. As Carol walked back over to grab it to put with the rest of the food, she was searching for something to say in response that actually made sense. Before she could get anything out, Monica chimed in again.

“I’m sorry I asked, I wasn’t sure if it would make you feel funny. But please don’t tell mom I was snooping. I just wanted to see as much of you as I could. But she’ll be upset with me if you tell, I think.”

“Don’t worry about it, Trouble. Secrets safe with me.”

Carol said, smiling weakly at the girl. Monica did feel bad, but she also kind of knew this would be the reaction Carol would have. It only confirmed one of her theories, that Carol didn’t remember that her and Maria were in a relationship. She was almost tempted to say something else when they both heard the sound of Maria’s car pull in the long drive way. They looked at each other and nodded quickly. Monica started cleaning off the table while Carol started making plates. Finally, something her super speed could help with. She made all three plates and set them on the table right as Maria opened the front door. Monica ran over to her, hugging her tightly as she hung her bag on the rack near the door. She hugged back, running her hand softly over the girls forehead with a smile.

“Smells good in here. Did Monica cook?” Maria laughed, kicking off her work shoes and slipping on the sandals she wore around the house.

“Haha, very funny!”

Carol shouted from the kitchen where she was borderline having a panic attack, trying to figure out how to act normal enough to get through the rest of the night with Monica’s question looming over her head.

“Nope, I only helped! Mama Carol did most of the work. I made lunch though. Mom said it was the best sandwich she’d ever had anywhere in all the galaxies!”

Monica exclaimed, only half telling the truth, as she nearly dragged Maria to the kitchen table.

“I said something like that, yes.”

Carol laughed, her mouth forming into a smile when her eyes met Maria’s.

Maria smiled back before quickly looking around the kitchen, half expecting to see a new scorch mark somewhere.

“It looks… the same as I left it, in here, minus a few dirty dishes. I’m impressed, Danvers.”

Maria smirked, walking to the sink to wash her hands before sitting down and letting Monica get in her lap. She was certainly growing, she barely fit between the table and Maria anymore but she always made it work.

“How was your day?”

Monica asked her mother, once again kicking her feet excitedly, being back in the presence of Maria. It meant a lot to Maria that she still got excited to see her. She hoped it would last through puberty.

“Ya’know, same ol’ same ol’. Protecting the world from aliens, which oddly enough usually is just a bunch of paperwork no one else reads or signs. So, pretty successful I guess.”

Maria laughed, pulling Monica’s cheek in for a small peck.

“I’m more interested in how YA’LL’S day went. The lawn looks… great, by the way.”

Before Carol could chime in, which she wasn’t going to being that she was staring at Maria’s toned arms the entire time she’d been in the room, Monia answered for them both.

“It was AWESOME! We caught so many frogs, I named one after you, and then I finally climbed up the whole tree!”

Maria chuckled, noting the small scrapes on her daughter but not worrying. It wasn’t a normal day if Monica didn’t get at least one scrape or bruise from her exploring.

“Well, I’m flattered. Did you get any help from a certain superhero, by any chance?”

“Nope, she did it all on her own. Much faster than I did, too.”

Carol answered while shooting her hands up like finger guns, shooting a wink to Monica who delighted at the remark.

Maria looked at the pink Barbie bandaid on the woman’s finger and half laughed half frowned.

“Seems like no one made it out without a few cuts today, huh?”

Carol looked down at her hand, almost embarrassed. She laughed.

“She got that from grating cheese, not climbing the tree!”

Monica answered, once again saving Carol from trying to find words.

“Why am I not surprised? Well anyways, thank you both for doing such a good job with the chores today. Looks like you both really earned that extra tv time tonight.”

Maria winked at them both before letting Monica scoot off her leg and back into her own chair, ready to eat.

“Thank god, I’m so hungry. I forgot to pack lunch last night so all I had today was a bunch of coffee and some nasty as- mm, some gross altoids my secretary had.”

“Sheesh. I hope it actually tastes like food this time then! Oop, I forgot the forks.” Carol said, about to get up and grab them. Monica beat her to it and ran over to the counter, leaving the two women with a moment or two to take each other in. They both held back a sigh, and just smiled at each other. The eye contact felt too much for both of them, for the same and different reasons.

Monica returned and they broke their shared gaze, both feeling a mixture of missing it and thankful that it was over. Monica handed everyone a fork she had picked specifically for them and they all ate, swapping stories of their days back and forth. Maria laughed feeling relieved hearing how well the day went, she was hoping she would still have a house to come back between Monica and Carol. As they were all finishing their meals, Maria noticed the stack of games left out on the coffee table.

“Make sure you put those up, Mon’.” She said softly, taking a sip of some iced tea.

“I will. Also, guess who won the most games tonight? Guess, guess!”

Carol shook her head with a laugh.

“Hmm, if I was gonna take a wild guess… You?!”

Maria smiled widely, pointing at her daughter playfully.

“You betcha’! I whooped Mama Carol’s butt like eighty billion times at all the games. Even the one you taught me that she was supposed to be super good at, even with the new fancy dice! She only won that one three times, and the last one was just pure luck cause’ I almost had it!”

Carol and Monica laughed together, and suddenly Maria’s eyes unfocused. The laughter in the background melted into one sound, and everything else started to go quiet. She thought about the dice. The colors on the dots. Where she had left them sitting, in the box, in her room. She thought about why they were in Carol’s belongings and not her own. Then she thought about everything else that was in the box with them. She only came to when Monica and Carol’s laughing slowed down, reminding her that it would seem weird if she didn’t respond in the next second or two.

“Well, it looks like the mighty do fall sometimes. I used to let her win that game every time we played it.”

Maria half heartedly laughed with a smirk, almost instantly regretting bringing up the past. Carol looked down at her almost empty plate for a moment before fixing her own face to shoot back something well timed and sarcastic enough to play off the shudder that sentence sent through her spine.

“Hmm, crazy cause when it comes to everyone else in the world, meaning you, I’m still the world champion. Monica just had that lucky dice trick.”

Before Maria could even laugh, Monica jumped in.

“Hey! It’s not just the lucky dice, I just also happen to be the smartest person in the whole wide stinkin’ world too!”

“You make a good point.”

Carol and Maria said in unison, both with an adoring laugh. All three looked at each other and broke out laughing, feeling thankful for the lack of awkwardness that probably would’ve left in the air if it wasn’t so funny.

After that, everyone finished and avoided the different subjects on everyone’s minds happily. Carol cleaned up the plates, grazing by Maria’s arm while she walked to the sink. Monica pulled Maria over to the couch with her while Carol washed the dishes, quickly putting away all the games they had left out and positioning herself on the couch while Maria flipped through the channels for her. She had sat right in the middle, leaving just enough space for either woman on both sides of her. She really did live up to that nickname sometimes, both mother’s thought. When Carol made her way over, they were just settling on a show to watch.

“Remember, you get 10 extra minutes.”

“Does that have to count commercials? Can we pause the timer when they come on? Pleeeeeaasssshhhhh.”

Monica pretended to beg to both women who laughed.

“We’ll see what we can do. Time starts now, though.”

Maria answered her. Monica turned towards the tv and leaned back, wanting to take in every minute she had. She normally would get about an episode and a half in during her nighttime tv, maybe two if her mom dozed off in between. She was sure she was going to get at least two this time, since Maria looked sleepy. She didn’t account for Carol’s super powers making her have a longer stamina, but she figured she wouldn’t snitch. She looked up at her as they watched and she shot her down a wink in return, solidifying their silent agreement. As long as it was still summertime, Carol didn’t have an issue with it. Of course, she wouldn’t go against Maria, though, unless of course she fell asleep. Which she usually did.

The three sat through an episode, choosing not to count the commercials in their internal timers, and started the second one. A few minutes in, Monica had positioned herself with her head and back on Carol’s lap, with her legs and feet on Maria’s. She watched the show quietly, not noticing herself dozing off. Once the second episode was over, she was fast asleep, nearly drooling on Carol. Both women laughed quietly at the sight. Maria reaches for the remote to turn off the tv while Carol effortlessly lifts Monica up and begins to walk her to her room. As she walks away, Maria fights the idea of Carol lifting her that way and carrying her to bed. She shakes her head and stands up to go to the fridge.

When Carol makes her way back downstairs after carefully tucking the young girl in, she’s greeted with Maria passing her a beer and a bottle opener.

“Not sure if you still need to use these, but c’mon.”

Carol doesn’t need it but she chooses to use it anyway. She follows Maria without question through the front door and onto the porch. The sun is down now and it’s not quite as warm as it was the night before.

“God, I’ve been waiting for this all day.”

Maria says, taking a long swig from the cold bottle. She sits down on the steps and leans back on her elbows, beer still laced between her fingers. She looks like she’s relaxing but Carol wonders if she is. She stands against one of the posts for a moment, opening her beer, before sitting down next to the woman but not too close. She hopes she’s the only one who can feel the tension in the air. It’s different than last time she was home.

“Long day, I take it?”

“Always.”

Maria sighs with a short laugh, taking another sip.

“But that’s the job. I’m sure you get it.”

Maria finishes, not sure if what she said sounded shady or not. It wasn’t meant to be. Or maybe it was, but it wasn’t coming from the part of her she was trying to show up as it. It was coming from the part she was burying inside of her.

“I do, but I also don’t. You have a lot to handle all the time. I’m happy I… can help, I guess.”

Carol wasn’t sure if that last part was a question or not. They both almost flinched at the word help. Carol was more than just a friend who liked to help. She was a parent and neither wanted her to take that away from herself just because of how long she had been away. Both decided not to say anything in the moment, though. They both just sipped their beers and looked out in front of them, gazing up and out at the world around them. Somehow, it felt bigger now that they were both on it together.

Maria thought about the box again, trying to keep it from her mind to no avail. She also thought about Carol’s skin grazing against hers in the kitchen earlier. She wondered if their contact would be minimal. Despite the late night and early morning they had shared, they hadn’t really touched or even been this close since. The first night never counted, that was their unspoken rule since the second time Carol had been home.

She was exhausted when she arrived, fighting to stay awake long enough to talk to both Rambeaus’ even though she wanted to so badly. It had been a particularly grueling mission and she had flown directly back to Earth after the conflict was over, not taking a break. So, when Maria offered to watch some TV with her on the couch, she sank quickly into the cushions. Before they knew it, they had woken up to the sun coming through the living room windows, curled into each other. Neither thought it was weird then, so why was it weird now?

Carol thought about the box too, rereading the words from the letter in her mind again. Thinking about the pictures on Maria’s desk. Then she thought about the dream she had, with everyone sitting on the porch. She was so deep into replaying it that she almost jumped when a frog hopped by, startling both women from their respective day dreams.

“I think that’s the one Monica named after you.”

Carol laughed, remembering the day she had fondly.

“I’m flattered.”

Maria laughed back, the laugh jumping up her throat. It’s like she needed to laugh, after a long day of dealing with domestic and intergalactic bullshit, along with the mark Carol was burning into her brain.

It started to go quiet again until Carol spoke up, feeling the bubbles from the beer in her brain even if it wasn’t going to get her tipsy.

“You know, I dream about sitting on this porch a lot.” “Yeah?”

Maria asks, not looking at Carol.

“Yeah. With you and Mon. There’s always a shit ton of bubbles everywhere and it’s always a really nice day. I have that dream a lot. Except for when I’m actually here.”

Carol explained, partly relieved to share it with Maria. She leaned back, taking a sip before setting the beer down on the step next to her. She waited to see if Maria would answer, unsure if she wanted her to.

Maria sat with a small smile, unsure if she would be able to keep herself composed through the moment. She dreams about home.

“You know, when you first came back with your powers, I wondered if you still even needed to sleep.”

“Ha, you know I had the same thought when I realized I wasn’t actually half Kree. On the planet, I slept but I never felt tired. I only started to feel regular human things when I came back here. It was nice to feel sleepy again. It made rest feel satisfying, instead of just kind of necessary.”

Maria looked over at Carol, daring to meet eyes if she looked over too. She wanted to run a hand over the woman's thigh, comfort her for all the things she was sure were running through her mind. She wanted to reach out, pull her into her chest, and hold her there like a child. She wanted to rip all the pain of being conditioned and having to fight to undo it from her, stop it out on the ground and set it on fire for her. With a regular match, not fire from her hands even though sometimes she was convinced she could produce some magic power from her own hands too if she let herself feel enough. She hadn’t realized she had been staring and hadn’t responded until Carol finally turned to look at her.

“I’m okay, you know. You don’t have to look at me like I’m gonna burst into flames any second. I’m okay, I feel normal being here.”

Carol smiled reassuringly, almost shyly.

“I know, I just hate those bastards.”

Maria sighed, letting her shoulders fall as she looked down at the space between them.

“I feel you. But, you know, someone once told me hate takes up too much room.”

Maria’s heart skipped a beat. Of course Carol would remember one of her wiser parables now, when all she wanted to do was be angry for her. It was usually the other way around, but despite her usual craziness, Carol always had a way of saying the right thing at the right time, even if she didn’t mean to. A superpowered space warrior was right two times a day, it seemed. She let herself laugh, but it came out rougher than she had expected.

Carol reached over instinctively to grab her hand, squeezing it tight. That’s the second time. Maria thought, wondering if Carol was counting the times they touched too. She felt a dangerous warmth push its way to her chest. She would blame it on the beer like she always did but she couldn’t. Why was she on the verge of tears?

“Hey.” Carol whispered, trying to look at the woman’s face. She tried to smile, squeezing her hand again. This time, Maria squeezed back before pulling it away and picking her empty beer bottle up.

“I think I’m gonna take a shower, long day, you know. If you wanna borrow some pajamas again, feel free to grab some from my dresser.”

Carol sat still for a moment, wondering if she had gone too far. Normally conversations like this would flow with ease and mutual fluidity. They would hang on each other’s every word until the inevitable came when the sun rose. Maria would wake Monica up to say goodbye, they’d share a cup or two of coffee and by the time the sun was almost at it’s peak, Carol would be long in the distance, no longer even in the atmosphere. So now, having more time than normal, she hoped she hadn’t over stepped. As Maria closed in on the door, only half a step before entering, Carol turned around to look at her.

“Where do you want me to sleep?”

Maria paused, not sure what to say. How did she communicate that she would rather pull her own hair out strand by strand than lay in her bed alone, without Carol Danvers, for another night? How did she explain that she didn’t want to sleep, she was tired in a way only Carol’s skin and fingers and mouth could heal her of? How did she communicate that this was her house too, and she could sleep wherever the fuck she wanted - on the roof if she pleased - as long as Maria could be next to her, without saying any of that?

“Wherever you feel comfortable.” She turned and smiled as best as she could before letting the screen door close behind her, trying to keep a normal pace as she made her way to the bathroom.

Carol sat on the steps for a few more minutes, giving Maria time to get her things for her shower ready and giving herself time to ponder what she should do. Should she sleep on the couch? Should she tell Maria that there’s no where in the universe more comfortable to her than next to her? Should she pretend she didn’t read the letter and see the pictures and hear what Monica said earlier? Should she just sleep on the god damn couch? Having not made up her mind yet, she wandered upstairs and pulled out an old teeshirt from one of the boxes she had been in earlier. She shivered when she looked at the box with the letter in it. She forced herself to focus, shuffling through to find anything appropriate to wear and pulled out some old PT shorts. They were certainly going to be shorter on her now than they were then, given she had put on some much needed muscle in certain areas but they’d have to do.

She felt too embarrassed to go through Maria’s drawer, wear her clothes and then awkwardly make her way to the couch downstairs, only to have to face her in the morning when breakfast time came. She didn’t feel right marking Maria’s belongings, even if they were just a bunch of holiday themed pajamas that she didn’t wear that often anyways.

Carol decided to change as quickly as she could, and wait to say goodnight to Maria when she came in. She figured she should probably sleep on the couch, suddenly feeling very much like a guest who didn’t want to overstay their welcome. She switched out of her bottoms and underwear, jumping into the shorts she had found. They were snug but not uncomfortable. She took her shirt off quickly and as she began pulling her sports bra over her head, Maria walked in.

Shit.

They both thought in unison. Thankfully, Carol’s back was to the door, so she pulled on the t shirt she found quickly while scolding herself for not paying attention enough to hear Maria coming down the hall.

“S-sorry! I didn’t know you were in here yet. Didn’t see anything.”

Maria assured, despite the fact that she was still staring at Carol’s once bare back while the woman folded up her clothes in a hurry. To Carol’s surprise, when she turned around, all she saw was Maria’s naked shoulders, moisturized perfectly, with a purple towel wrapped around her. She turned back around almost quicker than Maria could register. It was Carol’s turn to stutter.

“Oh shit, s-sorry! I didn’t see anything either! I didn’t hear you coming!”

Maria accidentally laughed.

“Don’t you have super hearing?”

“Shut up! It only works when you pay attention to it! I thought you were still in the shower. I’m surprised you were so fast, Lt. Trouble told me you use all the hot water.”

Carol quipped back confidently, although she was still turned around and suddenly felt very warm.

“Oh, Trouble indeed. What else did she tell you?”

“A bunch.”

Carol responded with a smirk in her voice. She sounded like a middle schooler, again reminding Maria how alike her and Monica were.

“I’m sure. You can turn around now, if you want.”

Carol turned to see Maria smoothing a big white shirt over her belly button, quickly covering up the top of her thighs that were barely covered by the blue boy shorts she was wearing underneath. Carol stared down at the clothes in her hands trying not to seem as anxious as she was. She bent down to pick up the black pair of underwear and a sock she had dropped when she heard Maria chuckle.

“HA! What the hell are you wearing? Are those PT shorts? And does your underwear say Danvers? You still do that?”

She was practically giggling at this point, a sound that sprung butterflies up in Carol’s stomach. It also taunted her, leaving her no choice but to rebuttal.

“Listen man! I’m working with what I got! And no, I don’t still write my name in my underwear. I got these from the box of my old clothes.”

Carol quipped, but found herself almost giggling too. She would’ve found it funny if Maria had on PT shorts from bootcamp too.

“Whew. That is hilarious, Danvers.”

Maria breathes out, barely recovering from her fit of laughter at Carol’s expense.

“Oh yeah, I’m flattered!”

She rolled her eyes playfully at Maria. They both sat down on the bed trying to collect themselves, both feeling lighter than before by a small margin.

After a few moments, Maria broke the impending silence before it could secure itself between them.

“Seems like you an Mon’ had a good day. Hopefully she didn’t give you too much trouble for one day.”

“Nah, it wasn’t too bad at all. She did whoop my ass in pretty much every game you guys own though.”

Carol smiled to herself. Maria fought hard to avoid bringing up the board game and the dice again. She quickly found a new topic to latch onto.

“You know, I must say, you also really did a great job not burning the place down with all that cooking you were doing. Are the aliens teaching you how to handle a kitchen or have you been practicing?”

She laughs, almost forced but she was actually impressed.

“Mmm. Id say it was pure dumb luck, but I’m gonna try to replicate it tomorrow.”

Carol chuckles, not knowing that the mention of tomorrow was sending Maria’s heart into a frenzy. Silence weasled it’s way back between them for a few moments, although Carol didn’t pick up on it as much this time. It wasn’t until Maria broke it again that she realized it was her turn to figure out how to not let it freeze the warm air between them.

“So, there’s a tomorrow?”

Maria asked timidly, not wanting to latch too tightly onto the idea that Carol might be staying for longer than coffee in the morning.

“Uh, yeah. I’ll be here tomorrow. I wanna try my hand at making waffles this time.”

Carol tries to cut the returned tension she felt.

“I was thinking about working on my old car in the garage too, if that’s okay with you of course.”

“Yeah, of course. You know you don’t have to ask. This is your house, too. And it’s literally your car.”

Your house, too. Carol reached into the pocket of the pants she had on earlier, pulling out two colorful dice. She rolled them around in her hand for a second.

“Yeah?”

She said, turning to finally face the woman sitting once again a bit too far away from her. The feeling of being a guest in her own home no longer sat in her chest. She allowed her eyes to make their way up Maria’s frame before meeting her eyes. Carol felt her hand move towards the woman, who was now looking down at one of the die in her non moving hand. Maria was almost terrified to meet her gaze, breath caught in her throat. Carol felt their hands connect, dropping the other die in her hand before closing her fingers around Maria’s. The woman next to her squeezed tight, almost too tight even for the superhero.

Maria finally met Carol’s eyes with her own, finally releasing her breath, allowing her chest to move.

“Yeah.”

She said softly, almost too soft to hear but just enough for Carol. They both looked like they might burst into tears, both of them having to break eye contact but refusing to release each other from their grip. Third time, Maria counted in her blurring mind. She suddenly felt like all she could hear was her own heartbeat and Carol’s breath. They were close again, it was all she needed. She needed to feel Carol’s skin, know she was real. Know she wouldn’t let go.

Carol struggling against her own breath, finally let the desperation sitting inside of her take control.

“What’re we doing, ‘Ri?”

She asked, in almost a whisper. She heard Maria’s breath get choked in her throat, just like she had earlier in the kitchen with Monica. She was still worried that she might have pushed too far too fast, but she needed something. Anything Maria could give her. An answer, a rejection, anything. She couldn’t sit still in the stifled confusion much longer, she feared she might actually implode. She waited, listening to Maria’s breathing. In and out, in and out. Like she was trying to quietly catch her breath. She heard her heart beat, it matched her own. Like they could beat out of their chests and find the other heart. Like they needed to be pressed together. So, Carol did just that. Finally listening to what her body was telling her. Hoping it wouldn’t be the wrong thing.

Just as Maria tried to whisper I don’t know, she let go of Maria’s hand and pulled her in, chest to chest, nestling her face in Maria’s shoulder. Maria whimpered, almost in shock. It took her almost 10 seconds to return the embrace, finally crushing into Carol the way she needed to. She knelt her face in the warmth of Carol’s neck, creating a tsunami in Carol from the graze of her lips against the side of her neck alone. They made themselves impossibly close, quieting the sounds of the world and honing in on each other’s heart beats. They took in each other’s scent, filling their lungs with the air surrounding each other. They let their hair tickle each other, finding comfort in the familiar feeling of Blackness around them. They rocked into each other to a rhythm that was so natural it almost felt like part of breathing. Finally, Maria let it drop.

A single tear rolled down Carol’s shoulder, sliding down as far as it could carry itself. Maria choked back what was sure to be her own tsunami.

“Mar-”

“I miss you. -- I miss you I m-iss you I miss you.”

She whispered with a drawn out sob. It was so quiet, it felt tragic to them both.

Carol was silent, letting the woman release whatever she was ready to, feeling her chest heave with the impatience to relieve itself from the pent up emotions. She felt the woman in her arms shake softly, trying to fight back anything she convinced herself was a weakness. She had things to do, a person to be, a child to raise. She couldn’t let the grief get her again. But it was always there, maybe even more now in some ways. She hadn’t let this happen in so long, and the weight of pretending had pushed her to the edge of herself. She was the strongest woman in the world, and it was because she was soft.

Carol struggled against her own tears, trying not to let them come so that she wouldn’t center her own pain in the moment. They were both too similar for their own good. She listened to Maria’s body pull the words up her throat and out her mouth, betraying her as they saved her from the pit she kept forcing herself into.

“I miss you ss-so much.” She repeated several times over. Like it was the only language she spoke. Eventually, she stopped, letting her fingers relax from gripping into Carol’s skin as tight as she could. She leaned into Carol more, feeling the weight of her body’s exhaustion mix with that of her mind. Carol let her, holding her firm but gentle. She lifted the woman up just as effortlessly as she did Monica, and carried her to her side of the bed, never moving her face from her shoulder. She laid her and herself down, sliding easily over top of her until she was on her side, careful not to put any weight on Maria’s body. She pulled the cover over them, that being the only time her hand left Maria’s body. She cradled the soft woman, giving her all of herself. She rocked her gently, counting her heart beats.

As Maria’s breath finally got slower and deeper, she knew she would be asleep soon. Maria didn’t want to sleep but she needed it. Carol needed it to. They stuck to each other like glue, once again paying no mind to the heat stuck between them. Carol whispered back, finally.

“I miss you too.”

She felt Maria squeeze her tighter, then release and finally relax her body all the way.

No more sniffles, no more sounds, just the weightless feeling of being together. It was easy again, for the moment. Carol rubbed her thumb lightly over Maria’s back, comforting them both enough to rest. She let the thoughts she had been fighting release from the walls of her mind, daring to look at them. She thought about the night in the lake, laying in the sand. She thought about the night before she left for a new base, with no idea when they’d be together again. She thought about the first time she came home, the gentle uncertainty between them melting away like it always did - no matter how much still needed to be figured out. She wasn’t sure how much progress had been made, but she knew that this is where she needed to be. As she finally let herself drift off to sleep, knowing that Maria was alright enough now, she knew she wouldn’t dream. She released herself to the peace of belonging, only to be startled one more time.

“Don’t you even think about leaving until you finish that car.”

Maria commanded, even in her softest state. Carol smiled, feeling even more in place now.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

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blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk · 11 months

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How’d’ya feel about doing a song fic with the song ‘Remember me’ and the character of your choice ? :3

how do I feel... I FEEL HURT, I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!!

I'm a little sorry for this, because it is HEAVILY angsty... please heed the trigger warnings I've tagged this with!!

DISCLAIMER: This is a songfic to the song “Remember Me” from Coco! I don’t own the song, don’t claim to, and am not profiting off this piece at all.

Remember me though I have to say goodbye remember me don’t let it make you cry

The UNDERTAKER thinks it’s a shame that the world will only ever know his very first child as Baby Girl Crevan.

A shame, because he had a name for her. If she had made it past her first year, (her first month), the world would have known her as something different. A unique person, with an identity, a name, a soul. Instead she’s a statistic, one more victim of disease who couldn’t be saved.

He had such high hopes. Her existence would have defied his very nature, proving that something which came from death could be so full of life. That was to be her name; Vitaliya.

Even now, he feels like he can’t believe that she’s gone. Even as he knows he has to eventually lower her into her casket, he doesn’t want to let go. Her tiny body fits so perfectly in his arms as it did every other time he held her while she was alive. She looks asleep, but he knows deep inside of him that she won’t be waking up this time.

There’s an echo in his chest, of a loss like this. Maybe a long time ago, maybe back when he was still human. Something that hurt just as badly as losing a daughter.

He has to bite down on his lip to keep tears from falling. It doesn’t work.

He cradles his baby girl for the last time, holding her close to his chest as his beloved comes up behind him. If there’s anything he’s ever wanted so badly not to do, it’s to put Vitaliya down.

for even if I’m far away I hold you in my heart I sing a secret song to you each night we are apart

This pain is… a void. It’s eating him up, the constant reminder that the body he’s holding isn’t really his daughter. It’s just the body that held her during her short time on Earth. This is how she appeared to him, though, to everyone, so he’s not sure how he’s supposed to not believe that her soul is still here in his arms.

As he looks at her precious little face, he wonders if she’s finally at peace. She wasn’t here for very long. She fought so hard, and she was just too young to prevail against the illness that ravaged her. It wasn’t fair what happened.

Does heaven exist? It must, mustn’t it? If he hadn’t ended his own life while he was human, he likes to think he was a good enough person that he would have gone there when he died.

The tears continue to fall as he can’t answer his own question of whether or not he will ever see his darling child again. If he dies now… where will he go? Can he still be saved and end up in heaven? Will he meet her there when he dies? Or is he doomed now, to a life of nothing? Neither heaven nor hell will take him, and he’ll never see Vitaliya again?

He wants to. Her soul is so far away now, in a place he can’t reach, and he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he never gets to see her again.

He rocks her in his arms, and he hums softly, the lullaby he sang to her as he and (Name) cared for her.

If he lives until every last star burns out of the sky, he’ll sing this song every night. To any other child he ever has, and to Vitaliya’s spirit if she might visit him in an empty room in the small hours of the morning when he has no one else.

remember me

though I have to travel far remember me each time you hear a sad guitar know that I’m with you the only way that I can be

The distance from his arms to the casket might as well be an ocean when he leans down to place Vitaliya in it. Once he and (Name) bury their daughter, he doesn’t know if he can ever come back to the cemetery. Just the thought of walking through gates and sitting at his child’s grave is one he can’t bear.

But if he doesn’t come back to visit her resting place, will he ever be near her again?

(Name)’s arms circle around him. They’re a protective embrace, a gentle reminder that the two of them don’t have to grieve alone.

As soon as their arms are around him, all he can say is, “I want her back, (Name).”

“I know, Adrian. So do I.” Their voice is quiet. It’s barely a whisper, ready to be swallowed by the nonexistent wind. It feels like their world exists in shades of grey now, like their daughter took all their color with her when she died. “But she’s not suffering anymore. And we’ll see her at heaven’s gates.”

Will they both? Or will it just be (Name)? Will he ever stand at those gates and walk in and his little Vitaliya, all grown up on the other side, will run at him so he can spin her round?

“I hope we will.” He reaches down, and a long nail strokes over his tiny angel’s cold cheek. “Papa’s here, Vitaliya. Always will be. Even though you’re not here anymore. I’ll be with you, always. Even if I gotta carry you around in my heart and not in my arms. I miss you, darlin’.”

(Name) presses their face into his shoulder and sobs. And he has to not fall apart for their sake, but he can’t hold himself together.

All he can do is weep, and cling to his beloved, and pray to whatever higher power that there is that he’ll get to hold his daughter again one day.

And when he does, he only hopes that she hasn’t forgotten the father she knew for only three and a half weeks on Earth.

Because no matter how long he lives, he will never forget the daughter he knew for only three and a half weeks on Earth, and forever in his heart.

until you’re in my arms again

remember me.

#child death tw #infant death tw #grief tw #tehgreatboo #Black Butler #Kuroshitsuji #Undertaker #scenario #platonic #romantic #familial #angst #UUUUUUUGH DAMMIT #it's possible I went a little overboard because this song and Coco make me cry #so now I have to make everyone else cry #one hell of a queue

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joannerowling · 3 months

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rate my fanfic premises (finally):

set after the battle of hogwarts. female harry and friends goes to godric's hollow to sort through the ruins of the potter cottage and process what just happened. harry finds a box of letters in a closet - letters from petunia to lily for the first four or so years lily was at hogwarts, then a blank period, and then unsent letters from lily to petunia. explores the relationship between lily and petunia, with some flashback sequences that worked out a little different than canon because harry is a girl (minor interpersonal drama, most of it is canon compliant - e.g. the cho thing becomes lesbian harry having confusing feelings for a straight girl who definitely doesn't reciprocate).

harry is a girl, voldemort decides that neville must be the child in the prophecy. frank and alice go into hiding and die for their son instead of lily and james (the betrayal etc is a bit different since frank doesn't have the marauders, but what has been prophesied will happen in some way). james and lily don't go into hiding, james is killed in a battle a few months before the end of the war, dumbledore takes a serious curse in the same battle, similar to the cursed ring effect, but slower. lily starts teaching at hogwarts after the war, and when neville is about five, dumbledore realizes that he might not live long enough for neville to come to hogwarts. he decides to move in with augusta and help raise neville. through plot reasons, lily becomes headmistress of hogwarts.

hermione decides, after first being nearly killed by a troll and then being nearly killed by a basilisk, that magical britain is run by morons and she can do a better job. hermione attempting to take over britain (and get rid of voldemort along the way) with a guerilla force of muggleborn witches ensues.

Oh i think i remember you, you were the person i had that conversation with about how Harry being a girl might change the plot especially his treatment at the Dursleys and his relationship with Petunia (which could go worse in some ways or better in others), right? Ok i'll give you my opinion! Please take it with a grain of salt though, i'm not really a fanfiction reader so my viewpoint doesn't really count.

I'm a fan of gender-bending as a concept, but that being said i do not really see a story here because the two threads don't seem connected. Like on one hand you have Harry-Harriet?- and how she relates to Petunia/Lily, maybe some angst there. On the other, Harry being a lesbian and falling in love with a straight girl, which feels more romcom-y and at least imo is… not as interesting. I mean, it's a *cute* idea but imo you're not going to go far with it because a) Harry's attachment to Cho in the books is very immature by design (and when it becomes angsty it's because DEAD BOY CEDRIC keeps them connected; awkward!), b) generally speaking i think it's tough to effectively turn a straight boy story into a lesbian girl story without radically changing a lot of things. Lesbians just will not make the same friends, will not develop the same interests, etc. I find it hard for some reason to believe a lesbian girl version of Harry would be into Cho (who strikes me as a girly-girl whose attractive qualities for a straight boy would NOT be so for a girl), but i only have my experience so it's hard to judge, and ofc everyone is different, but idk. Imo she would fall for a friend. I feel like Ginny is still a valid endgame.

That i find more interesting because we are in the thick of it immediately, boom, the story changes because Voldemort is sexist. Well of course he is! However i'm not sold on the rest because i don't care that much for Neville (sorry Neville). If you give me a story where Harry is a girl i want her to be the focus!

10/10

#replies #anon

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lisascumslut78 · 10 months

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would you tell me about your wips 👀 if i looked at you like this 👀 until you told me 👀

OKAY!! finally had time and energy to do this i'm sorry 😭

okay so. most of these are like. darna/darlentina/reginarda and a few odd ones (surprisingly, almost all this is filipino. huh.) but anyway.

let's get the darna/darlentina/reginarda wips out first!!

5+1 things darlentina or five times narda saves regina and one time she doesn't.

this is my baby. the very first fic i've written for this fandom and it's very very special to me lsdkjfsld. i add to it little little by little every once in a while but i dont think it's nowhere near finished (sorry!!) it's basically a rewrite of the whole show so, you know, it's going to be a big one lmfaooo. i'm going to take what i want from canon and throw the rest in the trash. still deciding if i want it chapter by chapter or just one big oneshot thing. hm.

fake dating au

yeah fake dating. although not in the way you'd expect. regina thinks narda and darna are dating. so to keep regina off her back and from finding out she's both, narda thought it'd be a great idea to throw off regina by letting her think she's dating the superhero. this was funnier in my head. this one's a very recent wip, had the thought while in the middle of class one day lmfao

woman of her dreams (yeah no im not good with this)

okay so. basically regina keeps dreaming about this girl since like. she was a child. up until adulthood she keeps dreaming about her. she never has a name, only vague flashes of her facial features, her hands, her smile etc. semi-canon. narda is still half alien, but they dont meet the same. until they do meet and regina's so shocked she falls off the balcony.

gala smut

basically what the title says lkdjflfdfg. i remember working on this when the first few weeks the show was airing and like i was running on pure emotion that time. what a time indeed. well anyway. they fuck in a bathroom. so yea.

a scene rewrite

there was just this really really annoying scene in the show that i just. had to fix ya know? like. girl. she would not say that. so yeah.

friends with benefits au

was once again driven by pure emotion with this. bc like. that would be so so good. it'd be so angsty and like. i haven't really read anything like it in the fandom before so!!

regina almost dies

yeah so if you haven't seen the show regina dies (but only briefly) and like. i wanted to fix that because of how stupid they set it up like. GIRL. she was too far from that tree to pierce her oh my god???

ALRIGHT. i think i'm done with the reginarda wips. on to some other ones i have :D

i'm just going to list some of them off since i don't really remember where i wanted them to go lmfao.

chapter two of my lilanette fwb

lilanette childhood friends au

lilanette secretly friends au

a barbie oneshot

needifer x mean girls au

okay. with this one, my sister and i suddenly had a brain fart thinking what if jennifer survived and needy moved to chicago or something and attended northshore. fucking insane i know. it was supposed to be a collab thing but my sister didn't really want to anymore so i'm mostly the one working on it.

rookie exes au

okay so. rookie is a filipino movie about the new kid who doesn't play volleyball (she only plays basketball), joins the volleyball team, and falls in love with the team captain. the captain dislikes her at first but, you know, her swagless looks and cringe fail autistic personality eventually captivates her. you know, basic shit.

it's a very... feel good movie i would say. it didn't really resonate with me as much as i was hoping it would but, it's a good watch, i think.

i wanted to imagine them not too far into the future but they're not together. (though, the movie leaves us with an ambiguous ending regarding their relationship, first off) i just love exes aus. ough. oh yeah it's sapphic.

this is entirely too long omfg. i doubt it'll be an interest to anyone but maybe a couple of people but!!! yeah i kind of wanted to share this too. kinda.

#asks #emily-prentits #SORRY ABOUT THIS JO LMFAO

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girlbossminerva · 1 year

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Alright, sorry about the delay, but l wanted to send you an ask about your fic.

First of all, I FUCKING LOVE IT SO MUCH. There's like four fics about Irene on ao3 and she's either a villain or the best mum in the world, and ever since l learned about her l wanted to know what could have been if she had raised Erza (and how would they have both ended up) and it's so cool to see a fic where she raises her while still showing that she has some problems.

I think my favourite part of the fic is the end of the second chapter where Erza gets hurt and Irene ends up holding her and freezes. And then has to go clean herself up because she ended up feeling things for her child. And then in the next chapter you confirmed not only that she did that several times, but also that her fur is fluffy. Thank you so much for saying that out loud, it was the first thing that came to my mind when l saw her dragon form.

Also, l think you made a pretty good job of showing how Erza thinks. I am not a feral child, nor do l know someone who is, but l think you did a pretty good job. You made her a menace though, if she joins Fairy Tail she will win every fight biting people. Very well done, can't wait to see her terrorize people. Also, will Erza be non-binary? Since you used they/them pronouns...

Will the arc of the Tower of Heaven appear in the story? Because l can see Irene getting furious and setting everything on fire (and also kinda realising that she loves her daughter)

Just... Thanks for writing this fic and mixing the idea of mamaIrene and dragonErza, l don't think l've read any fic where Erza is allowed to be as chaotic as she deserves and Irene is allowed to be mentally ill and still a milf

I thought there wasn't many people desperate to get more out of Irene but I'm SO HAPPY that there's a bunch of us actually and I will make sure to do our beloved dragon milf justice because she DESERVES a complicated morality.

I think the end of the second chapter was crucial because I wanted Irene to have to face an aspect of motherhood that was kind of inescapable but I needed to make sure it stayed at a middle ground. If you realize, it is mostly Erza who's taking the steps to breach the wall Irene has put up mostly because of the fact that she thinks in simple terms. Also if we waited for Irene to do it, she wouldn't hold Erza probably until she was old enough to climb her whether Irene wants to or not.

But y'know, exposure therapy worked and now she can stop disinfecting every time she touches her child. And, unfortunately for Irene, she has established that Erza can get Fluff privileges whenever she wants. A win for all of us.

Feral Erza is my beloved gremlin baby and I'm having a lot of fun figuring them out. The little girl from the movie Mama is kind of a big inspiration since it is the closest to Erza's situation.

With regards to the pronoun thing, I actually wasn't gonna use pronouns at all except for Irene. Erza originally only refers in POV to herself as "Erza", without pronouns, but it started to feel repetitive which is why I put some parts from that POV and some in a more omniscient narrator POV, so the parts where I use They is because Erza doesn't have pronouns as of now and the only person who uses It is Irene, for reasons I've previously discussed. Erza's perception of self is complicated, like it happens to young children and probably would happen to a child raised in isolation from the rest of society, so at some point she will develop an identity but I don't think Erza would care too much about what pronouns are used. I am getting ideas to explore their gender tho

Lastly, about the TOH arc... :) It will be angsty :) It will be the turning point for many things and I'll finally get to write about our menace child interacting with other non-dragon people.

Thanks so much for the ask! I love talking about my fics <3

#straight outta the mailbox #the shape you've grown #long post

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futuremrsdrcullen · 2 years

Text

Aren't We Just Terrified - Part Three

Part Three of the New Moon reader insert fic that I've been promising for FAR far too long.

Summery- The idea of facing mortal danger just to see a ghost of him almost sounded rational here.

I watched as Bella hugged her chest to keep herself whole. I stood by as she chased adrenaline for the smallest glimpse of Edward.

I didn’t feel perfect- standing there didn’t heal me. I let out a small humorless laugh and shook my head accepting that I couldn’t keep pretending that there was never a wound in the first place.

Word Count- 18,067

Warnings- This is New Moon, so it's a lot darker than the first. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ I'm Always in This Twilight READ THAT FIRST!! Depression, abandonment, misunderstandings, break ups, Age gaps because of vampires, angst! It's very angsty, but it gets better! I promise it has a very happy ending.

Notes from me- My name is Claire and this is my second love child. I have finally finished my version of New Moon and I could not be more excited for you guys to see it.

This is book 2 of probably 5 so stayed tuned for the rest of them.

I DO NOT own The Twilight Saga. All rights go directly to S. Meyer.

Read on AO3 <3

Part one <3 Part Two <3 Masterlist <3

Thank you for being here, I Love you <3

Aren't We Just Terrified - Part Three

There sat Carlisle’s car.

It was his car. I knew it was. I knew that car as well as my own.

He could be in there, waiting for me. I blinked back tears until I saw Dad's headlights. I could be crying when Dad got here, we had just lost a family friend. I got out of the car and turned off Bella’s. He shut the passenger door of the truck as I ran around to hug him fiercely.

“I’m so sorry Dad.” I really needed him right then just as much as he needed me. They were completely different reasons, and he didn’t know mine, but the fact remained.

“It’s hard to believe.” He sighed into my hair but his hug didn’t loosen. I nodded and he turned, one arm still wrapped around me. He pulled me to the door right as Bella ran out. She said the same apologies. She asked about Sue and the kids, though we knew as well as anyone how hard this would be all around.

Dad’s other arm went around Bella and we walked towards the door.

“Uhm, Dad?” She hesitated. My chest tightened. “You’ll never guess who’s here.”

He turned quickly back to the car by the road like it hadn’t hit before that moment it was even there. I desperately looked at Bella, who was looking at the front door. I swiftly diverted my eyes to the ground beneath my feet. I couldn’t, wouldn’t look at whoever was standing there. I didn’t wanna know.

I locked my eyes on a worm that was wiggling in a puddle. I begged it to hold my attention.

“Hi, Charlie, Y/n,” Her voice was soft and subdued. “I’m sorry I came at such a bad time.”

“Alice Cullen?” I laughed, I wanted to roll my eyes, but I didn’t want to risk moving them from the worm. He didn’t sound like he actually believed she was there. “Alice, is that you?”

“It’s me.” She confirmed. “I was in the neighborhood.”

“Is Carlisle…?” His arm tightened around me, though I knew he was mostly asking about Edward. I still said nothing. I named the worm Jerry. I was entirely dependent on Jerry right now.

“No, I’m alone.”

I finally looked at her. She was here alone. Did he even know she was here? I couldn’t ask. I scanned her features hoping to find some kind of truth there. She was still so beautiful. She hadn’t changed at all, but she wouldn’t have I guess. Her eyes were dark, almost black.

I tried to soften as she looked at me. She wasn’t evil.

No, she and her family just left Bella and I to suffer for 6 months. I shivered and tore my eyes away and back to Jerry, who was wiggling his way to the mud. I wished he’d take me with him. Instead we headed inside. I still said nothing.

“There’s dinner for you on the table,” She looked between me and Dad.

“Thanks, Bells.” He shuffled into the kitchen and I followed the girls into the living room. They sat on the couch and I couldn’t bring my feet much further than the doorway. Alice pulled Bella to her and she rested her head on her shoulder.

“You look tired.” Alice whispered.

“Yeah… Near death experiences do that to me…”

“I’m sorry, what?” I raised my eyebrows at her as she turned to glance at me.

“I’m okay! Just went cliff jumping, and with the storm… Turns out I’m not as good a swimmer as I thought. Jake saved me. It’s fine.”

“You could have died, Bella.”

“I know-” she tried.

“And you still have a fresh tattoo, by the way.” I added

It was Alice’s turn to be shocked, her brows furrowed and she shook her head once. “Tattoo?”

“It’s been more than a week. It’s probably fine.” She rolled her eyes but we couldn’t help, but chuckle softly. Bella pulled up her sleeve and showed Alice her tattoo. “Look, I got the day I started at Forks High, and Y/n got flowers from-” I crossed the room quickly and covered her mouth with my hand.

I spoke loudly over her. “So! Alice, what does Carlisle think about you being here?” I almost winced when I noticed this was the first time I’d said his name aloud since he left.

“He doesn't know. He and some of the others were out on a hunting trip. I’m sure I’ll hear from him as soon as he gets back.”

“You won’t tell him though… when he checks in again?” Bella sounded distant somehow.

“No he’d bite my head off.” Alice said grimly

Bella almost laughed; she just pressed closer to Alice instead. Her arms were tight, like she was certain if she let go, Alice would disappear again. She clung to her the way she held her own chest together. It broke my heart to watch.

I saw Bella’s eyes slowly starting to close and said “Get some rest Bells,”

“I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.”

As soon as Bella was snoring I started, “I should go-”

“I don’t know what Carlisle will do when he finds out I'm here, but I imagine he’ll catch the first plane to seattle.” She spoke softly. I just nodded.

“Thanks for the warning.”

“He hates this, Y/n. He hates that we left, and he hates that he hurt you. He never wanted to leave in the first place.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek and blinked a few times. I felt the tears that fell, despite my efforts. “But he did.” my voice shook, I didn’t give her time to respond.

I went upstairs as fast as my feet would carry me and collapsed into my bed. Yet, I don't think I slept an ounce.

I stayed attached to Dad a lot after the day Harry passed, and Alice returned. I went with him to the Clearwaters everyday. They planned a funeral as I avoided my problems. Though I think Leah enjoyed my company. I think I helped her hide from her problems as well. The obvious one, and the potential werewolf transformation. Though I didn’t know if girls could be werewolves. I didn’t ask.

If Carlisle did come back, I wouldn’t know what to say, so I’d be there. Not that I really thought he would come back. If he came back with his perfect hair and stunning smile and stupid loveable face, I would be here and he wouldn’t be able to find me, not that I thought he would try.

By the morning of the funeral I was no longer surprised to see Alice sitting at the table ‘sharing’ a coffee with my dad. She wasn’t drinking it, but she put on a good show. Dad’s suit fit him well. He looked very nice, despite the gravity of the situation.

I told him I would meet him there. He was going early to set up and I didn’t want, nor need to be there for 6 extra hours.

Bella was cleaning. I think she just wanted to make Dad's life easier. Alice was hanging around, wherever Bella went, so did Alice. They talked about school and old classmates. Alice talked about how Jasper started school, and mentioned how Carlisle is teaching classes at Cornell. I tried to imagine him as a professor, but I felt heat reach my cheeks and changed the subject before she could hear my heart rate spike.

“Do you think he’ll really come back?” I asked.

She nodded. “I know he will. I’m a little surprised I haven’t heard or seen anything yet. I do know he’ll get back from his hunting trip today, but that’s all I’ve been able to see so far.” If he wasn’t back, he didn’t know she was here and couldn’t make the decision to fly out here. She couldn’t see how it would play out until he decided.

If you had asked me 6 months ago, before they left, I think I would have believed he would fly out, but now? I didn’t feel like I knew him at all. “I genuinely have no idea what to say to him, if he does come.” I looked to my feet and crossed my arms. I didn’t like the way not knowing made me feel. Like at any moment a literal vampire was going to leap from the shadows and grab me. Sure I probably should have worried about that with Victoria, but I’d probably be dead before I noticed her, so I didn’t.

She almost looked confused. “Have you… I’ve seen you at the house.” I matched her expression, equally as confused but nodded. “Did you go into his office?”

Oh no , I sighed. “I never got that far. I got to the living room, but left after… that.” I chose to leave out the panic attack. She probably knew all about that anyway.

“I think you should see what's in there. I don’t really know what it is, but I think it might help you heal.”

Then the doorbell rang and Alice looked more confused than I felt. I decided I would try to go after the funeral. If I couldn’t get all the way to his office then I’d just wait for him to be here. I winced, the idea of him here still feeling impossible.

I would have panicked if Alice didn’t respond. “Bella, I have a fairly good guess who that might be, and I think I should step out.

Not Carlisle… Probably Jacob.

“Guess?”

“If this is a repeat of my egregious lapse in foresight yesterday, then it’s most likely Jacob Black, or one of his… friends.”

Bella stared at her, mouth parted just slightly. “You can’t see werewolves?”

She grimaced. “So it would seem.” I could tell just how much this annoyed her. I made no effort to answer the door, even as it rang twice more. I did roll my eyes at him.

“You don’t have to go anywhere, Alice. You were here first.”

“I don’t think that’s a good-” I did not want a supernatural brawl in my living room.

Alice agreed, cutting me off. “Trust me- It wouldn’t be a good idea to have me and Jacob Black in a room together.”

She kissed Bella’s cheek swiftly before she vanished. I wondered if she’d be back before I left for the funeral. Or if she’d hear from Carlisle while she was gone.

Bella did actually go to answer the door the next time it rang. I followed slowly behind her, just in case it wasn’t Jacob. I knew it was, based purely on the incessant doorbell ringing, but I just wanted to be sure. Once I got close enough I could hear how stressed he was and how annoyed Bella was and I decided it was best to stay back.

“She’s not here. Do you need something?”

He hesitated. “You're here alone?”

“Not alone.” I called from behind her and waved once. “Hi Jacob.”

I didn’t miss when Bella rolled her eyes at him. I also noticed that he brought his friends and they were waiting in the car outside. I chuckled, but he kept his eyes on Bella.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Of course you can, Jacob. Come on in.”

She held the door open for him and I moved to take my leave. “I’ll go… do the dishes… If you need me. Kay?” I laid a comforting hand on her shoulder as I walked by. She bit her lip and nodded, clearly calmer knowing I wouldn’t be far, and they moved to the living room. He said something sarcastic to her and I decided it would be best to stay out of it.

It would only make things worse if I punched him, even if he deserved it. There weren't any dishes to do. I turned the water on and let it run for a moment, just to aid my story. I washed the one coffee mug in the sink and put away the clean dishes that were on the drying rack.

Admitting defeat, I turned the sink back off. I really didn’t want to eavesdrop. I resorted to making coffee. I only had one cup this morning anyway. I hoped the brewing would be loud enough to cover they’re conversation. I leaned against the counter and watched it brew.

I heard Bella marching into the kitchen, her tone thick with annoyance. “Well, run along now. Go tell Sam that the scary monsters aren't coming to get you.”

“Okay,” His voice was calm and collected somehow, despite her teasing. I didn’t add that we didn’t know they weren’t coming back. Or that Carlisle was almost definitely coming back, according to Alice. But when she walked into the kitchen he didn’t follow, though I didn’t hear him leave. She leaned against the counter next to me and rested her head on my shoulder. For a long moment she didn’t move. The room felt so still.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek before I even knew it was there. I didn’t know how to comfort her. Surely, Alice being back didn’t mean Bella and Jake Couldn’t still be friends. Then I felt her tears soak my sweater sleeve, and I knew he had made that ultimatum.

Stupid supernatural drama…

“Bella…?” Jacob asked in a troubled voice. “I did it again, didn’t I?”

“Did what?” Her voice cracked.

“Broke my promise. Sorry”

“S’okay,” she mumbled “I started it this time.”

His face twisted. I’m sure mine did the same. The want to punch him rising again. I hated how easily he could hurt her; I just kissed her forehead and made my way out to the front porch grabbing a pen as I went.

They needed privacy and I needed air. Also time to process the idea that Carlisle might actually come back. I missed him. I missed him so much and there was a healing feeling in letting myself admit that.

I’d spent almost as much time missing him as we had spent together. I had loved him, trusted him, more than anyone before. I still love him, and yet there was this painful hole where he used to exist.

The idea of seeing him now filled me with something akin to excitement or anger or fear, so much so that I was scared to even unpack it all. I had just gotten used to seeing Alice again. I had to get through the funeral. Then maybe I could sit down and evaluate my feelings. Or fall apart, which seemed more likely. I wrote ‘the hours before a funeral’ on the back of my hand.

I could almost hear the phone ring, but it stopped quickly and I figured Bella got it. Then I heard yelling and moved to go back inside and I felt the tell-tale sign of a vampire running past, the door barely even swinging behind Alice as she rushed in.

By the time I could get in there Bella was on the couch. Her eyes were squeezed tight and she was leaning against Jacob for support.

“What did you do to her?” He hardly sounded in control.

Alice didn’t seem to notice him at all. “Bella? Bella, snap out of it. We have to hurry.”

“What?” no one seemed to notice me either.

“Stay back.”

“Calm down Jacob Black,” Alice ordered. “You don’t want to do that so close to her.”

“I don’t think I’ll have any problem keeping my focus.” He gained a small amount of composure, though his threat was made clear.

“Uhm guys… Is anyone going to tell me what’s hap-”

Bella pulled together and finished my question, “What happened?”

“I don’t know!” Alice cried in response “What is he thinking?”

“Who? What is going on?” I looked to Bella who looked at Alice then to Jacob expecting them to have an answer. Jacob said nothing and Alice reached in her bag to pull out a cell phone.

“Rose, I need to talk to Carlisle, Now” She talked fast and hushed. “Great… of course he is. Is there a chance he could still call? No, I’ll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edward?”

She paused waiting for her to answer, her face got more and more concerned and angry with every word Rosalie spoke. I watched the phone shake in her hand. Something was very very wrong. I held my breath.

“Why?” she gasped. “Why would you do that, Rosalie?” More than anything I wished I had vampire hearing. I wanted to know what she had done to make Alice act this way. “Well you’re wrong on both counts, though, Rosalie, so that would be a problem, don’t you think? Yeah that’s right. She’s absolutely fine- I was wrong… It’s a long story… but you’re wrong about that part too, that’s why I’m calling… Yes, that’s exactly what I saw.”

My head was spinning trying to keep up. I tried to decipher what was going on, but still came up short. Alice looked more angry than I’d ever seen her, it was almost frightening. “It’s a bit late for that, Rose. save your remorse for someone who believes it.” Alice snapped the phone shut with a sharp twist of her fingers.

I rushed to Bella’s side and grabbed her hand. Alice looked like she was in pain, like she didn’t want to say what she had to say next. My own chest tightened.

“Alice,” Bella got her name out before Alice could speak “Alice, Carlisle is back though.”

This time I cut her off, “Back where?”

“From his hunting trip… He called just a minute ago.”

Alice stared blankly at Bella, “How long ago?”

“Half a minute before you showed up.”

Her eyes went wide and she looked more focused. “What did he say?”

“I didn’t talk to him.” Bella’s eyes flicked to Jacob.

“ You answered the phone in my house…” Oooh I really wanted to punch him “It was Carlisle, and you didn’t let me talk to him?” My voice shook.

“He didn’t ask for you,” I was going to punch him. Bella squeezed my hand and pulled me back. “He asked for Charlie, and I told him Charlie wasn’t here.” Jacob muttered resentfully.

“Is that everything?” Alice demanded, I shivered at her tone. I really wanted her to punch him, that would at least do damage.

“Then he hung up on me?” Jacob spat back. He was still shaking. I’m sure I was too. This was a mess.

“You told him Charlie was at the funeral,” Bella reminded him.

Alice jerked her head back to Bella “What were his exact words.”

“He said, ‘He’s not here,’ and When Carlisle asked where Charlie was, Jacob said ‘at the funeral’”

Alice moaned and fell to her knees. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn’t know how. I wanted to throw my arms around Bella and never let go. I was panicking.

“Tell me Alice,” Bella whispered.

“That wasn’t Carlisle on the phone,” she said hopelessly

“Are you calling me a liar?” Jacob demanded, losing a bit of control again. I huffed out a sarcastic laugh.

Alice ignored him and locked her color-drained eyes on Bella.

“It was Edward… He thinks you’re dead.” As she said his name I felt the color drain from my face. My hand covered my mouth as it fell open. Edward thought Bella was dead. I started to cry behind my hand.

But Bella seemed almost relieved? “Rosalie told him I killed myself, didn’t she?”

“Yes,” Alice admitted. Oh my god… how was Bella okay right now? “In her defense, she did believe it. They rely on my sight far too much for something that works so imperfectly. But for her to track him down to tell him this! Didn’t she realize…”

“Or care…” I added, absolutely horror stricken.

“And when Edward called here, he thought Jacob meant my funeral,” She was gripping Jacob’s arm and my hand like they were the only things keeping her alive. He didn’t flinch and I held on just as tight.

Alice and I shared a glance, unsure how to approach this conversation. She clearly wasn’t seeing the big picture. “You’re not upset,” Alice whispered.

“Well, it’s really rotten timing, but it will all get straightened out. The next time he calls, someone will tell him… what… really…” Bella trailed off, like what she was saying was finally dawning on her. I could see the questions flash in her mind.

“Bella,” Alice whispered. “Edward won’t call again. He believed her.”

“I. Don’t. Understand.” She didn’t actually say anything. It was like a whisper of a word that she had to force out.

“He’s going to Italy.”

I felt more tears fall. My heart felt like it was going to cave in. Dumb, over dramatic, teenagers; He was going to get himself killed because he believed she was dead. How stupidly Romeo and Juliette of him.

“NO!” Bella half-shrieked, though I think it was still hard for her to form words. It made us all jump. “No! No, no, no! He can’t! He can’t do that!”

He made up his mind as soon as your friend confirmed that it was too late to save you.” That’s why she came rushing back, she saw him choose death.

“But he… he left! He didn’t want me anymore! What difference does it make now?”

My chest tightened again and I was sure it was going to cave in soon. I had to admit she had a solid point. They didn’t care enough to stay, why would it matter to them that she had died. Maybe he blamed himself, I kind of wanted him to blame him myself.

“I don’t think he ever planned to outlive you by long,” Alice said quietly.

“How dare he!” Bella rose to her feet trying to push a still trembling Jacob out of her way. She dropped my hand. She was desperate and scared and so angry. She begged “What do we do? Can’t we call him? Can Carlisle?”

“Carlisle isn’t back.” I tried to answer for Alice, she shook her head.

“He got back but he’s on a plane.” She left off where he was heading but my chest tightened anyway. “That was the first thing I tried. Edward left his phone in a trash can in Rio- Someone answered it…” she was still so quiet.

“You said before we had to hurry. Hurry how? Let’s do it, whatever it is!”

“Bella…”

“Bella, I-I don’t think I can ask you to…”

“Ask me!” Bella demanded. I really wished she wouldn’t, because whatever it is, I could tell it would be bad; I knew Bella would do it. I felt like I was going to be sick.

Alice placed her hands on Bella’s shoulders, I didn’t know if it was to steady her or to just keep her. “We may already be too late. I saw him going to the Volturi… and asking to die.” We all flinched, except Jacob, who didn’t seem like he minded all that much. “It all depends on what they choose. I can’t see that till they make a decision.

“But if they say no, and they might- Aro is fond of Carlisle, and wouldn’t want to offend him- Edward has a back up plan. They are very protective of their city. If Edward does something to upset the peace, he thinks they’ll act to stop him. He’s right. They will.”

My head was spinning, tears flowing freely at this point. Though Bella still looked terrified, she stood her ground. I knew there would be no chance of her changing her mind. She was going to Italy.

Alice continued, “So if they grant his favor, we’re too late. If they say no, and he comes up with a plan to offend them quickly enough, we’re too late. If he gives in to his more theatrical tendencies… we might have time.”

“Let’s go!”

“Bella, please-” I tried to grab her hand again, but she brushed me off.

“Listen, Bella! Whether we are on time or not, we will be in the heart of the Volturi city. I will be considered his accomplice if he is successful. You will be a human who not only knows too much, but also smells too good. There’s a very good chance that they will eliminate us all- though in your case it won’t be punishment so much as dinnertime.”

I cringed again. She might not come back from this; more so than last time. If she came back at all, she could be a vampire, and wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near people. This could be the last time I ever see my sister as the girl I know her as.

And she was willing to go, right now- with or without Alice.

“Tell me what I need to do!”

“You write a note to Charlie. I’ll call the airlines.”

Bella and I both lost our breaths again. “Charlie,”

“I’m not going to let anything happen to Charlie … Or Y/n.” He was still so angry he was shaking. “Screw the treaty.”

“Y/n, can you tell him?”

“No,” I shook my head. I almost laughed, but my chest hurt too much. “No, I will not tell our father, who is grieving his best friend, that his daughter left for Italy on a suicide mission to save her boyfriend from getting himself killed. Sorry, but I can’t do that to him, not right now.”

Her face softened, “I understand. A note will have to work.” She did sound understanding.

“Hurry, Bella.” They all broke off, leaving me alone on the couch.

I brought my knees to my chest and rested my forehead on them. I didn’t even know where to begin to process. Everything that I’d been feeling since they left bubbling to the surface and threatening to tear me apart.

I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t even cry.

I tried to focus on the sounds around me. Alice and Jacob arguing, Bella running up the stairs. The room was spinning, but I managed to get to my feet. I got next to Alice and she let me lean against her for support. I knew she would have to go as soon as Bella was ready, but I used her cold skin against mine to ground myself.

“Argue when we get back, let’s go!”

Alice kissed my head and pulled back. I could stand on my own two feet again, knowing I didn’t have time to fall apart right now.

I grabbed Bella’s hand. “Bella,”

“I have to-”

“I know, just… Be safe, okay? Come home.” She nodded a few times then picked up her bag. I turned, pointing to Alice, “and You. Bring her home. Whatever it takes.”

She nodded too, “I’ll try very hard.” I could tell she meant it. “Carlisle will be in tonight, but I don’t know when. He hasn’t decided what to do when he gets here.” She threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly, before swinging me to Bella.

“I’ll be at the funeral. I’ll deal with that when I have time.” I hugged Bella with all the strength I had left and whispered. “I love you.”

She hugged me just as hard. “I love you.” when she pulled back our eyes met. I didn’t want to say goodbye and I could tell she didn’t either. I just nodded sharply and kissed her head and let her go.

She stepped back and towards the door, Jacob stepped up to make his plea, but I couldn’t hear them over the ringing in my head. I took a page out of Bella’s book and wrapped my arms around my chest to hold myself together.

The engine to Carlisle’s car revved and Bella took off, still shouting back at Jacob.

“Take care of Charlie!” I think it was meant for Jacob, but he was already running off. I nodded. Then she stepped on the gas, the tires screeching in protest.

And they were gone.

I stared after them, but they were gone faster than I could keep up. Jacob’s discarded shoes hadn’t even hit the ground. He had shifted and ran off in the other direction.

I had to remember how to breathe.

Dad, my poor, sweet Dad had only just lost his best friend and now his daughter was very likely going to her death.

I’d probably have to be the one to tell him, so no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t break down yet. I didn’t even know where I’d begin. I’d let him read the note. I’d wait to hear if she was alive- human or otherwise- and then I’d start from the beginning. If she died, he deserved to know exactly how.

I’d spend every single second, hoping she’d come home, vampire or not.

But first, the funeral.

I had to get ready to meet Dad on the reservation in an hour. The funeral started in two. I couldn’t help but wonder where they’d be by then. I googled flight patterns to Italy. It would be at least 12 hours before they would land in Italy and it was only noon.

I had a very long night ahead of me.

I showered, I got dressed, I attended the funeral of a man who had a hand in raising me, and I pretended to be okay. If I couldn’t do anything else, at least I could hold myself together for Dad. Bella never planned to be here, so luckily he didn’t ask about her. I wanted to tell him, he needed to know, but she left a note, and he didn’t need me unloading the family drama… not right now.

Everyone had already started to head home. Dad and I had stayed later than most, like we had all week. Billy and Sam stayed too, though Jacob left first. If Dad didn’t tell me, I probably wouldn’t have known he was here at all. He came in, paid his respects, then left just as quickly.

I knew the hurt he felt. We may never see Bella again, and there was nothing we could do about it. Except pretend nothing was wrong. It wasn’t easy.

A shiver shot through me. Everything got too loud, the world started spinning. I stepped out to breathe and collect my thoughts. This impending panic attack couldn’t happen here.

I wasn’t outside long before Sam came out too. I was leaning against the wall, my face in my hands.He didn’t say anything for a long moment. I pushed back the tears that were trying to break free before turning to face him. His eyes were soft when they found mine.

“Y/n… I’m-” he started.

“I know. Me too.”

There was another moment of silence before he spoke again. “It’s been a crazy couple of days…”

I couldn’t help but laugh softly, “Just a little.”

“Everytime things calm down, something else goes just so, so wrong.” He was laughing now too. Nothing about any of this was funny, but it was all the energy we had left.

“God it’s so bad.”

He still smiled as he said, “The pack is having a bonfire tonight. For Harry, and the Clearwaters. You could come, if you wanted.”

I shook my head. “I’ll need to be home. Dad doesn’t know Bella’s gone yet. I wouldn’t want to leave him alone tonight.” I winced, the last bit of humor completely faded.

“Do you…” He looked troubled. I could tell he didn’t want to add to my stress, but he asked anyway. “I know Bella said they weren’t, but now, I don’t know. Are they coming back?”

“Carlisle is. I’ll have to talk to him at some point.” I looked at my shoes. “He might not even stay. I don’t think the others will but… but maybe… Hell, I don’t even know that Bella is coming back.” I trembled again, wishing I could give him the answers he wanted. Maybe knowing would make me feel a little less hopeless.

“I’m sorry.” He sighed and ran a hand through his damp hair. “But I hope they don’t”

I almost laughed again. “That’s fair, I guess. I don’t have the energy to stress about it now.” I pressed off of the wall and started to drift back inside. He caught my arm.

“If you need anything. You or Charlie. If anything happens-”

I cut him off again, “I’m sure you’ll hear about it rather quickly.” I mustered some strength to pull my arm back and went inside. I didn’t need nor want any more of this wolf-y bullshit.

I just wanted to go home.

It was eight o’clock and all the adrenaline from this morning was completely gone. I had nothing left. Dad could tell.

“You can go home honey. I’m gonna be here a while still to help clean up.” I just nodded. He kissed the top of my head and I drifted back out.

As soon as I was behind the wheel I knew I wasn’t going straight home. I found the house like it was second nature. I hoped, if he was here, he wouldn’t notice me pull in. I wanted a few more seconds to pull myself together. Outwardly, nothing had changed. For a second I thought maybe my instincts were wrong. Maybe he wasn’t back, but then I noticed the porch light was on.

Carlisle’s Point of View

It didn’t take me long to get home, though it felt like days. I was looking at flights as soon as Rosalie had mentioned her name. I think I would have flown home soon anyway.

I needed to see her.

It was clear that someone had been here. The driveway wasn’t completely reclaimed by nature. All of the lights were off, but the power still flowed and they came on when I tried the switch.

I pulled my car into the garage and shut it behind me. I didn’t know where to begin. I couldn’t just rush to her door, despite how desperately I wanted to.

I’d almost hoped she’d be here when I got here, but I hadn’t heard anything from her at all. She could absolutely hate me.

I couldn’t blame her, if she did.

The front door was unlocked. There was a small chance Alice had left it unlocked, but I doubted Alice would have used the front door and not her room access. Everything in the house was still covered in dust. The sheets hadn’t been moved.

Nothing had changed at all. A sinking feeling washed over me. There weren't recent footprints in the dust on the floor. She hadn’t been here in months. There was only one chair uncovered, but now it too, was dusty. Then the footprints led back outside.

I rushed up to my office. There was no evidence at all that she had even started to move this way, but I had to hope. I had to see for myself that she hadn’t. The door was still shut. My hand hesitated just above the knob. All of my senses were screaming that she wasn’t in there and yet when I yanked the door open I expected to see her.

But the office was exactly like I had left it.

Everything.

The letter, the money, the plane tickets. They all sat in the very same spot I’d put them 6 months ago. Dusty, and in the exact same spot.

She had never been here. She had no idea that I left this for her to find. She had spent this whole time believing that I had just abandoned her. Panic rose in my throat so high I thought I’d choke on it.

Quickly, I checked the clock. It was only a quarter past eight. She’d probably be awake. Probably about to head to work, though she might have taken time off for Harry Clearwaters death. I didn’t have time to think it through. I’d get to town and track her if I had to. I just had to explain everything. I didn’t expect her to forgive me.

I couldn’t even really forgive myself. How could I just trust that she would find this. I should have been more throughout. Edward and Alice’s opinion be damned. I should have just taken her with me.

If it would have saved her months of this pain.

I collected the papers and ran towards the front door. I glanced at the footprints again and felt my chest tighten. She had been here, and she found nothing. I had hurt her again and she’d left.

If nothing else, I had to see her. I had to see that she was okay. I had to give her this closure.

I swung open the front door.

Y/n’s Point of View

I didn't think.

Gravity pulled me toward the front door. I walked as quickly as my feet would carry me. I would have ran, but I knew I would have fallen. I paused on the front porch to take a deep breath.

I didn’t know for sure he was here. I still hoped he wouldn’t notice me. Also it was entirely possible Alice had left the porch light on. Either way, Alice told me to go into his office. I just had to convince myself I could get in the front door.

I think my heart actually stopped when the front door opened.

I hadn’t really planned this far ahead. I didn’t know what to say and I completely froze. There he stood. Beautiful, golden, there- Actually right there.

Over 100 times since he left I pictured what this very moment would look like, but not once did I think of what I would say.

I looked into his golden eyes. They were so bright and liquid, somehow. It would have taken my breath away, if I had been breathing. I just gaped at him. I saw the worry in his features and winced as my name left his lips and I had the strength to look away from his gaze. I silently prayed for Jerry to wiggle his way out of the ground at this exact moment.

“you…” I took a shaky deep breath. “You left.”

“Y/n, I tried…”

“No. You left, Carlisle. I… I was in love with you and you left. I waited for it to be a nightmare. I kept waiting to wake up, but I didn’t because you really left.”

“Please, Y/n. I deserve everything you could say to me and worse. I just want you to know that I never intended to abandon you.”

“But you did.” my voice was broken and I couldn’t pull my eyes back to his face.

“I know…” He sounded so broken. He sighed and took the smallest step forward. I couldn’t even flinch away, not that I really wanted to. “God, Y/n. I’m sorry. I’m so truly sorry. I know that ‘sorry’ isn’t enough. I thought I left enough clues. I wanted you to find me.”

“What?” That made my eyes snap up. “How?”

“I asked you at the restaurant to take care of my plants. I just wanted you to find this…” he held an envelope out to me. I stared at it and shook my head. I couldn’t bring myself to take it. He didn’t move. “There’s a letter explaining everything. The reason why I left the way I did, my plans moving forward. My new phone number, everything you would need to find me is in here.

“I thought if you made the decision to follow, Alice and Edward wouldn’t have the right to stop you. I had no idea you wouldn’t go in.”

“Alice…” I tried. She would have known, right?

“They refused to give me any information on what would happen when we left. They swore it was for the best. It’s not an excuse. I am fully capable of making my own decisions and I honestly believed it would be better for Bella if we left, but I wanted to give you the choice.”

I shook my head again. I didn’t try to stop the tears or wipe them away. “All of this was here? This… this whole time?” He nodded and I winced, more tears falling. “Fuck…”

He almost laughed, he almost took another step closer to me. I looked at his face and I could see the hesitation there. I was thankful for it. Despite how desperately I wanted to fling myself into his arms, I knew I needed time.

I raised my hand and felt the paper as he placed it in my palm. It was really dusty, as if to mock me that it was really here the whole time.

“I… I need time.” I could heal. I was already healing. “I need to read this and I need to hear from Bella.”

“I understand.” His voice was soft.

“Shit… These are your kids, Carlisle. I’m so sorry.”

“She’s your sister. This isn’t easy for either of us. I’ll call you if I hear anything.” I nodded, watching his pained expression soften. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be here until you tell me to go.”

I nodded again. Looking at the papers in my hand. I knew I wouldn’t have the strength to leave if I looked at him again, but his eyes never left my face.

I turned on my heels and walked back to my car.

He stayed on the porch as I pulled out of the driveway.

I just went home.

Dad was still up when I got home. I braced myself as I walked in the front door.

As soon as I opened the door, his desperate voice called from the kitchen, “Bella?”

“It’s just me, Dad.” I almost heard him sigh, but the sound was covered by a crack of a beer can opening. I walked into the kitchen, still clutching the envelope from Carlisle.

“What the hell is she thinking?” I leaned against the door frame and let him rant. “She’s just gonna go running back to him? What kind of trouble is he in that would justify this?” He pointed to the note on the table. I tried not to focus on the tear stains on it. “He didn’t come running back when she was half dead.”

“He didn’t know how bad she got.” I tried.

“Bull… whatever. Nothing I can do about it now. She won’t even answer my calls.” he took a long drink from his can. “What’s that?” he nodded towards the paper in my hand.

“A letter from Carlisle-”

He threw his hands up. “Fucking great…” he let out a humorless laugh. “What’s he got to say?”

I almost laughed too, “I uhm… I haven’t read it yet. It’s from before they left, apparently it was at their old house the whole time…” I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry, or if I would be able to stop if I started either action. I bit my lip to distract myself.

I think he read my inner monologue “I’m sorry, honey. I know these last few days have been awful for you. You can go read that if you want, or you can take a seat and have a beer if you don’t. It can wait another day, if you need more time.”

“I don’t think I can wait another day.” I smiled softly and walked over to him. I placed a kiss on his cheek and hugged his shoulders. “I’ll let you know if I hear from them. You should get some rest.”

He returned my hug and grabbed my hand as I pulled away. “I’ll try here in a bit… Thank you for being such a good kid.”

I did laugh at that. “Hey! I was kinda rebellious at times!” He just raised his eyebrows at me. “Okay, okay. She’s totally got me beat. She’ll come around.” Hopefully…

“Love ya kid.”

“Love you more.”

I drifted upstairs. Once my door was shut behind me, I looked at the letter again. I had to open it. I had to know what it was. I could tell that it was more than just a letter. It was very heavy and in kind of a large envelope, so unless it was just a very strongly worded letter, there had to be more.

I sat at my desk, setting the papers on the desk in front of me. My legs wouldn’t stop shaking and I could tear my eyes away. I don’t know how long I sat there, but I heard Dad’s bedroom door shut and I felt confident that if I had to fall apart, I could. As long as Dad was asleep, I couldn’t add to his stress.

I slid my thumb under the edge. I laughed softly as I thought What if I got a paper cut right now? I had to take a second to let the giggling subside. Again I couldn’t tell why I was laughing, it wasn’t funny, but the irony was just too much.

Once I finally collected myself I reached into the envelope. I pulled out the first thing my fingers touched. The neatly folded piece of stationary was for sure the letter. Then there were the keys to Alice’s Prius, two open plane tickets to New york. I guess he wanted to give me the choice of a plus one. I guess if I brought Bella, Edward couldn’t be mad at him. Then I pulled out a stack of 100 dollar bills that made my eyes shoot open. I counted it quickly and there were 20, 100 dollar bills. I dropped it back to the desk like it was on fire.

Shock was setting in. He left me two plane tickets, a car, and 2000 dollars… My heart was racing. I knew that the answers to all of my questions were hidden in the letter, and I was out of ways to stall.

Dearest Y/n,

I can’t begin to apologize for leaving you. There is nothing I could say that would make up for the hurt I may have caused. I never wanted to leave in the first place but Alice and Edward swore it was for the best. They promised me you would be alright.

I have to admit, Bella being the constant danger magnet that she is, I have to agree. She would be safer if we weren’t around. Bella, but not you.

I know that you are safe with me. I won’t completely turn a blind eye to the obvious dangers. If you were to become a vampire, those dangers would dissipate further. I am certain that even as an immortal Bella will still find some life threatening dangers.

It all boils down to your choice, Cara. Alice and Edward have decided that they know what is best, but I will never take away your right to choose for yourself.

I’ll hide my thoughts from Edward and think of something else while he’s around and I’ll leave the choice up to you so Alice won’t see the decision. By the time she does, no matter how you choose, it will be too late.

I will respect your choice. I will stay away until you are ready, even if you never are. I will welcome you here with open arms, if you choose to fly out, or I’ll catch the first flight back if you would prefer I come home.

We’ve changed our phone numbers. Mine is (#) if at any point you need anything, please do not hesitate to reach me.

The plane tickets are paid. Bring Bella or your father or anyone you like. Feel free to leave the car at the airport and I will pay for the extended parking, or just have it moved.

Whatever you need is yours, Y/n. I will be waiting every second of every day to see you again.

I am truly so sorry. If I had a say, I would have never left in the first place. I wish I could have just brought you with me, but again the choice is yours to make.

I want you to know how much I love you. I never thought I would find someone like you and I do not know what I’d be without you. I won’t stop missing you until we are together again.

My home, my heart, will stay with you. I love you.

~Carlisle Cullen.

I held a shaky hand to my lips as I scanned the words over and over.

He loved me. He never wanted to leave and I had sat here for 6 months convinced he had abandoned me. He had left everything he could, just to make sure I could make my own choice.

I love him. I loved him before he left and I had missed him more than I was willing to admit. Now that he was back, I wanted nothing more than to forgive and forget and go running to him.

But so much hurt still lingered.

Bella and Alice were running head first into a lion’s den to save Edward from himself.There was no way of knowing when, or if, they would come back. I couldn’t just pretend there wasn’t danger.

Maybe Carlisle didn’t know how bad off we were, but Alice and Edward did. She would have seen what leaving would do to us and they left anyway. I was okay. I was a mess and my heart hadn’t even started to really heal from the worst heartbreak I’d ever experienced, but with time I could have pulled myself together. Even when Bella was ‘better’ she was still basically lifeless and they would have known.

Alice came back because she saw Bella throw herself off a cliff and thought that was completely plausible. Bella was that bad and they knew it. Edward believed it too, and they both chose to abandon her.

My anger wasn’t with Carlisle, though there was some anger with him; He was a fully grown adult, who is capable of making his own choices, and chose to leave. I needed time, I could forgive and move on, but I needed time to do it.

I found my bed, though my legs threaten to give out underneath me. Once I hit the bed I was 100 percent okay with never moving again, but I felt my phone buzz. I blinked away the tears just so I could read the message.

TEXT MESSAGE FROM Unknown number

2:18am: Alice and Bella made it to Italy.

And then another

2:18am: This is Carlisle by the way.

I couldn’t bring myself to say much so I just shot back a quick ‘thanks’

2:19am: Of course. I will keep you up to date when I hear more. Let me know if you need anything at all.

I didn’t respond. I made the executive, adult, decision to just lock my phone screen. I rolled over and let myself fall apart.

I just cried myself to the edge of sleep.

Updates were slow to come.

Well, it felt slow anyway. It was 9am before he heard from them again. He called me to update me that time. I almost didn’t answer; I was too scared.

“Y/n” his voice sounded relieved, like he could sense my hesitation.

“Have you heard from them?” I didn’t mean to be so short. I hadn’t slept at all. After I read his letter I couldn’t stop spiraling, and the knowledge that my sister was running basically to her death kept my mind too busy for any genuine rest to happen.

“Miraculously they are on their way back to the airport.”

“They’re coming home?” I hadn’t dared hope.

“They are. Alice wasn’t able to go into much detail, but they got there in time to stop Edward. They just had to wait for the sun to go down before they could leave to catch a flight.” I could hear the relief in his voice. I wanted to hold him.

“They’re really alive.” I didn’t like how broken I still sounded.

“Yes. Alice said she’d explain exactly what happened once they were home. I’m… I’m going to meet them at the airport. I have to see them.” His resolve was breaking, even over the phone I could feel the hesitation. “I could swing by and pick you up before I go, If you wanted to be there as well.”

Every voice in my head was screaming at me to say yes. I wanted a quiet hour with him. I needed to see Bella to really know she was alive, but still I said “I think I should stay with my Dad. He’s pretty bent out of shape.” I could hear him impatiently flipping through the tv channels trying to find something to distract himself.

“I understand. Family is a powerful thing.” He was quiet for another moment. I wished I knew what he was thinking, or that I could get on the other side of this to be able to comfort him somehow. He started again “Y/n… Is there anything I can do?”

“Oh…” I was sure there were things he could do, I just didn’t know what. I didn’t know how to do any of this. “I read your letter.” The words came out before I could stop them.

“You did?”

“I’m not mad at you… Well, I am but I’m not. God, Carlisle, I don’t know how to do any of this.” I put my free hand to my face and laughed. “I’m sorry…”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I can’t imagine what I put you through. I just wish I knew of a way to make things easier for you.”

“I know. Thank you for trying… Thank you for coming back.” I was crying again.

“Of course.” Then he just let me cry. And I cried for a while .

It was so comforting to know that he just stayed on the phone and let me cry. Slowly I ran out of tears.

“I’m… sorry. That was kinda a lot.” I chuckled.

“You’re perfectly fine.” He was soft and understanding and he chuckled under his breath. “You can take all the time you need.”

I nodded, though I knew he couldn’t see me. I peaked out my window and saw nothing but trees and rain. I tried to think of what to say, but I still came up short. I could hear Dad pacing downstairs and I didn’t know what to say to him either. I sighed. “I hate this…”

“I know. I wish I could make this right again. I wish I knew how.”

I was silent for another moment. “When Bella is home, and some of the dust settles, I’ll come over and we can work on this… Together.”

“Together.” I knew he was smiling. It made me smile too.

We said our goodbyes. I layed back down on my bed and bit my lip. Sure, I needed to see Bella. I needed to see all of them home, with no intention of leaving again. I needed this to feel real.

We had a lot to work through, but after that, I think I could heal.

There was also a large part of me that didn’t want to wait.

I stalled most of the morning away. I showered, I even tried to write some, but I gave up eventually and drifted downstairs. Dad had his uniform on and he had made himself a very simple breakfast. He was eating like he planned on bolting as soon as he finished.

“Morning, kid.” He said when he noticed me, though it was a little delayed. I blamed it on the constant worry. On the off chance something happened, I hadn’t told him Bella was on her way yet.

“Morning, Dad. I didn’t know you were going back to work today.”

“Yeah, it hasn’t done me any good just sitting here.” I nodded and wrote ‘impatience’ on my arm. I understood what he was feeling; we had been here before. Last time I just didn’t know what danger lingered behind the scenes. His voice interrupted my train of thought. “Should… should I file a missing persons report?”

“No.” I answered too quickly. His head snapped up. “I just mean… She’s 18, and she hasn’t been gone that long. She left a note. I don’t know what anyone would be able to do.” I hoped I hadn’t raised his suspicion too much.

But he nodded and my heart settled a bit. “I know. It's driving me crazy not hearing anything from her at all. And Renee keeps calling for updates I don’t have.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” I rested my head on his shoulder. “Maybe she’ll call soon.” I absolutely hated this.

He let out a short humorless laugh, “Maybe.” He kissed my head and moved away from me to put his plate in the sink. Then he headed for the door, “You’ll be okay for dinner and stuff?” I nodded again, though I didn’t think he expected me to say no. He didn’t even look up as he gathered his things. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Dad…” As soon as I got it out, I heard the door shut behind him and I was alone with my thoughts again.

I went upstairs to look up how long a flight from Italy to Sea-Tac would take.

Dad got home close to 8pm. He didn’t seem like he was up for talking. He grabbed a beer and turned on the game. He was asleep in the recliner before I was even all the way down the stairs.

If I had guessed correctly, the soonest and quickest flight would put them in Seattle by 1am. Of course I had no way of knowing what flight they caught. Just because I heard they were catching a flight around 11am doesn’t mean the flight itself was right then. Due to my own stubbornness, I hadn’t asked Carlisle about it or connecting flights.

I was losing my mind a little bit more each passing hour. I checked my watch 1000 times. I made sure my watch matched the clock in the kitchen, they didn’t. I fixed my watch to match the kitchen, then checked my phone to find both the clock and my watch were wrong now.

I gave up and stormed into the living room, hoping some cheesy sit-com would help pass the time.

When I finally let myself check the time on my phone again, it was almost 10pm. Immediately I panicked and dialed his number. I didn’t think it through, I just listened to it ring.

It only got through half a ring before he answered. “Y/n?” I could tell he was concerned.

Dad was still snoring in the recliner. I whispered, “Have you left yet? For the airport I mean?” I crossed my fingers.

“The others have. I was about to. Are you okay, did something happen?” The others? I didn’t let it trip me up. I’d worry about that later.

I took a deep breath, “No, I’m fine.” I just had to find the courage to ask him. “Could you… Could you still come pick me up?”

“Absolutely, I’ll be there in ten minutes and we’ll go straight to the airport.” he almost sounded excited. I couldn’t help but get excited too.

“Okay. Oh uhm, my dad is asleep in the living room so don’t pull into the driveway. Your headlights might wake him up.”

He chuckled softly at that, “Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay…” I wanted to say I loved him but I couldn’t bring the words out. “Uhm… bye.”

I heard him laugh again and say goodbye before I hung up the phone. I quickly tiptoed upstairs, put something better than my pj’s on and went back down. I found a receipt on the dinner table and wrote a quick note to Dad, just in case he woke up while I was gone.

Dad,

If you wake up before I’m back, I’m sorry. I went with Carlisle to pick up Bella from the airport in Seattle.

Brightside! Bella’s coming home!

You can be mad at me when I get back for not waking you up.

I’m sorry again. I’ll see you soon

~ Y/n

I grabbed a pair of shoes and left as quickly as I could, locking the door behind me.I sat on the first step and put my shoes on. As soon as they were securely on my feet, I saw his shiny black Mercedes. I watched as he got out and went to open the passenger door for me. I allowed myself to run to him.

Somehow I think I startled him but he still caught me as I threw myself into his arms. I felt his face in the crook of my neck. I felt him breathe me in.

I whispered, “Thank you. For coming home and for always planning to. Thank you for giving me the chance to choose. I still need time. I can’t just move on. But I want to and I love you and-” I was talking too fast, I don’t know if he understood me, but he chuckled against me.

“It’s alright, Cara. I love you. I’ll give you all the time you need and I’ll be right here with you.”

He didn’t push me for more or try to kiss me. He just held me for a long moment. “Okay,” It took a lot of effort to pull away from him. “I hate to ruin the moment, but we have some mello-dramatic teenagers to pick up.”

The sentiment made him really begin to laugh. “That we do.”

I got into the car and he slid in behind the wheel. I took a deep breath as we pulled onto the road and headed for Seattle.

We drove in silence for a long time. The car held plenty of gas and I made sure to use the bathroom before leaving. We wouldn’t need to stop. Which worked in my favor, considering I didn’t think I could let go of his hand even if I had to. I would just worry about that when we got to the airport.

He broke the silence first. “What made you decide to come along?”

“Dad was already asleep, he didn’t seem like he wanted comfort when he was awake anyway… and I didn’t think I could wait until 4am to see Bella.” I debated saying the next part; a small part of me screamed not to. I wanted to be open and honest with him again. I wanted to trust him. “I also find your presence rather comforting. I missed it.”

Something like hope flashed across his features. “I missed you, Cara.” he gave my hand a light squeeze, before he focused back on the road.

I hadn’t missed what he had called me, then or anytime he did. It pulled at certain heart strings that before 3 days ago, I thought were gone completely. He had called me the Italian term of endearment pretty regularly before he’d left. Even now, my heart skipped a beat to hear him say it.

It still felt surreal to be there, in his car, holding his hand. I let the moment surround me; for once embracing the silence. I closed my eyes, listened to the rain hitting the car and just allowed myself to exist with him.

We reached the Sea-Tac airport in record time, not that that was a surprise at all. I avoided looking at the speedometer. Carlisle parked the car in the first spot he could find. He moved to get out of the car, but I pulled his hand.

He looked concerned, “Y/n? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing… I just needed one more second.” I didn’t want to admit that I was scared to let go of his hand or to go in there and see his whole family again. He nodded as my heart pounded in my chest. I took a few steadying breaths and looked at his face.

“Are you ready?” I thought about it, I was ready to see Bella. I didn't know how ready I was for the rest of it, but it had to be okay.

I nodded, despite everything.

He smiled softly at me and said, “Then I’ll be around to get your door.” I let go of his hand only after the promise that he’d be right back. If he saw through me, he didn’t let on. He was gone, but moments later my door opened and his hand found mine again. As we walked I pulled close to him.

It did not look like it had just passed one in the morning. Though it didn’t take us long to find Jasper. I half expected Rosalie and Emmett to be there too, but as if he was the one who could read minds, Jasper said “Rose and Emmett are bringing Edwards car closer. They didn’t want to crowd them.

When I nodded he continued, “Y/n, I want to apologize for my actions last September-”

“Jasper-” I tried but Carlisle squeezed my hand. I let him finish.

“I know, just hear me out. Over the last few days I have prepared for the worst and have missed Alice with every breath. I can only imagine what these last few weeks have been like for you. I’m truly sorry that my lack of control not only put you and your sister in danger, but also caused months of torment.”

I didn’t fault him. I wasn’t mad at him. It never even crossed my mind that I should be, yet I found myself nodding as I thanked him for the apology anyway.

“Have you heard from them yet?” Carlisle asked

Jasper shook his head, “Their plane hasn’t landed yet but should be here within the next ten minutes or so.”

We all fell quiet as we waited. I pulled my hand away from Carlisle’s only to write the words ‘busy airport at 1am’ on my arm. He looked confused, but didn’t ask me, he was probably saving the questions for later. As soon as the pen was capped and back in my pocket, I relocked my fingers with his.

I saw Alice first. The air left my lungs again as she practically skipped straight to Jasper. Both of their hands met and neither of them spoke loud enough for me to hear. I quickly looked away to give them privacy.

And then I saw Bella and I ran to her. I slowed before I reached her, not wanting to tackle her to the ground, but I hugged her the best I could. I started crying immediately.

“Oh Bella, honey. I’m so glad you’re alright.” The sound was muffled by her shoulder. She hugged me back just as fiercely, though Edward was the one supporting most of her weight. Then I moved to hug Edward, while screaming in my head ‘ I’m so glad you’re alive. If you ever pull some shit like this again, I will kick your ass; Vampire or not.’

He grinned, repentant. “Sorry, Y/n”

The tightness in my chest eased slightly. Despite everything, I was still happy to see him. Still very mad about everything, but happy to see him. Carlisle stepped forward and his hand found mine again. I think he needed it as much as I needed his.

“Thank you, Bella,” Carlisle said. “We owe you one.”

“Hardly.” Bella mumbled. It broke my heart to see how tired she was.

“We should head home.” I hoped dad was still asleep. Maybe we could even sneak her in without waking him up and we could handle the situation tomorrow sometime.

We drifted wordlessly back out of the airport and to the cars in the garage. Bella perked up at the sight of Rosalie and Emmett. Edward stiffened.

From beside me, Carlisle whispered, “Don’t. She feels awful.”

“She should,” Edward said, definitely not in a whisper.

“It’s not her fault,” my brow furrowed as I looked at my sister. I was kinda shocked she felt that way, though I didn’t necessarily disagree.

“Let her make amends,” Carlisle pleaded. “Alice and Jasper can ride with us.” I nodded when he looked at me for confirmation. I didn’t point out that someone would have to ride with us, or that I’d prefer it be Edward and Bella. I just let them make the decisions here.

“Please, Edward,” Bella said. She didn’t seem all that excited either, but that could have been the exhaustion talking.

I hugged her again, quickly. “I’ll see you at home.” She nodded and Edward helped her to the car. I didn’t envy that car ride. I also wasn’t excited for ours either. The deja vu wasn’t lost on me. All of the panic, and the drive to the airport felt exactly like it had last time. I still had so many questions I wanted answers to.

Jasper held open the back door for Alice and she pressed a quick kiss to his lips before getting in. I did envy that, however. I couldn’t kiss Carlisle again, at least not yet. None of this felt real enough to allow myself to kiss him. I was still so scared he would disappear. He did open my door for me, but he didn’t expect me to kiss him. He respected and understood my boundaries.

As we pulled out of the parking garage, Carlisle gentilly grabbed my hand again. “Alice,” He started.

“Yes?”

“Could you please explain what happened?” His eyes met hers in the rearview mirror.

“Of course.” Her voice still sounded like a song.

“Please start from the very beginning.” I took a deep breath and she began.

The explanation took the entire drive home and though it wasn’t exactly what we wanted to hear, it was nice to understand the situation better. I was grateful for the knowledge.

In essence, the Volturi demanded that Bella became a vampire. Bella was, of course, ready to jump into immortality right away. And, because Aro had read both Alice’s and Edward’s thoughts, they knew about me too. I got the exact same ultimatum. Become a vampire or die. I tried to quell the panic rising in my throat. Alice would see when they decided to follow through with their threat. I still had time.

I would have chosen it before they left anyway.

The car was quiet after Alice told us about the flight home. We were almost to my house. I was still trying not to panic but I managed to force the wor ds out. “So, you guys are back? Like… really back?” I could see my street coming up. “Because I missed you and when you left, it hurt and I can’t do it again. I… I can’t watch Bella hurt like that again. If the Volturi are after her and she dies-”

“ Mon coeur ,” Carlisle’s voice pulled my focus. His hands moved to cup my cheeks. The car was idling on the street in front of my house, the headlights were off. “I’m here.”

“I know but-” I was losing it and he could tell. He just tried to bring my focus to him.

“I won’t go anywhere, unless you want me to go.”

I looked into his eyes and found comfort in the sincerity there. “I-I don’t.”

“Then I won’t.” I wanted to kiss him again. My heartbeat slowed and I found it in me to produce the smallest smile.

“Oh no.” Alice winced and my heart rate shot back up. I saw Edward and Bella pull into the driveway; their headlights were also off. “Charlies awake.”

“Fuck…” That made Carlisle and the others laugh. “You guys have to go. This is going to be hard enough without him shooting at you.” I swung my door open and undid my seat belt but before I got out, I turned back to him.

I had to trust him. I needed to get it out of the way. If I did it now, then I wouldn’t have to worry about it later. Quickly I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. It was a very small kiss, but it gave me more courage than I would have been able to muster on my own.

“I love you.” I saw the porch light turn on and Dad swung the door open. I got out of the car.

“I love you.” I heard Carlisle say through a laugh. He waited until I was close to Edwards car before he turned the headlights back on and drove off.

“Y/F/N SWAN!? Where the hell have you been? Who was that?” He was clearly very angry and didn’t read my note at all, but before I could answer his eye moved from me to the car next to me. “Isabella!?” He almost looked relieved.

But then he just looked absolutely pissed.

“You should go,” I whispered to Edward as he lifted Bella into his arms.

“It will be fine.” I don’t know how he sounded so confident.

“I can’t believe you have the nerve to show your face here.” Dad marched closer to us. I wanted to beg him to calm down, but I knew engaging would make things worse.

Bella didn’t seem to care so much. “Stop it, Dad.” though I doubt that he heard her.

“What’s wrong with her?” I didn’t know if he meant mentally or physically.

“She’s just very tired, Charlie,” Edward assured him under his breath. “Please let her rest.” I winced.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Dad yelled. “Give her to me. Get your hands off of her.”

“Dad-” I hated how rude he was being, though I could hardly blame him. He was taking this too far. Edward did try to hand Bella off but she wouldn’t let him go.

“Cut it out, Dad.” She said with more volume. She wasn’t going to let Edward out of her sight anytime soon. “Be mad at me. ”

We made it up the front steps. Bella looked at the sky, but it was still dark and the clouds blocked any light that might have been there this early.

“You bet I will be, I’m pissed at both of you.” His glare came to me, I tried to smile sheepishly, but it didn’t land. “Get inside.”

“Kay. Let me down.” Bella sighed.

Once he had set her down, she lost her balance and nearly toppled over. Edward caught her before it was too late.

“Just let me get her upstairs, then I’ll leave.”

“No,” Bella cried. I could tell she was panicking, but I knew he’d just sneak back in the second Dad was out of earshot. I grabbed his arm as they drifted upstairs. He was only gone a second before Edward came back downstairs. Dad didn’t look up from where I had placed hand on his arm.

I could tell how mad he was. I could feel him shaking. I felt guilty somehow.

Edward paused, like he was going to say something. Dad didn’t let him try. “Get out.”

“Dad-”

“Sir-”

“No, this is my house. I make the rules. You don’t get to waltz in here and pretend nothing happened. In fact I won’t let you. If you step in a single foot through that door again-”

“Dad! Seriously? I’m sure he gets it.” Dad scoffed, “Edward, go.”

He left without another word.

“So, you’re on their side?” It was my turn to scoff.

“There aren't any sides, Dad… I don’t want to do this tonight. I just drove to Seattle and back. Can you hate me tomorrow?” I dropped my hand back to my side. I didn’t even have it in me to cry at that point. I started up the stairs.

“I don’t hate you, Y/n. I just don’t understand-”

“Great, and we can figure that out in the morning.” I didn’t look at him again. I just kept moving towards my room. “Love you, Dad.”

I barely heard him mumble he loved me too before I shut the door behind me.

Bella slept the whole day away, I spent my time locked in my room, and Dad grumbled his way around the house until he went to work. When he got home, he grumbled some more and then also shut himself in his room.

I tried not to let it bother me.

I decided to give him some time to calm down before I went to Carlisle’s house. My house? Now that they were back, was it still mine? Not that I ever really wanted it in the first place. I wasn’t sure how I’d even address that situation.

I shook my head and tried to focus. If I left now, Dad would follow. Probably armed…

Everything was proving much more difficult than I had ever wanted it to be. Even almost a full day later, I still could hardly process it. I couldn’t even get my brain to turn off long enough for me to sleep.

I kept turning over and staring at the ceiling. I’d gotten up and stared out the window, tried counting sheep and making up stories in my head to try to distract myself. Not a single thing helped at all. So I gave up and sat on the floor by the window and listened to the rain for a while until I heard a soft knock on my door.

“Y/n?” Bella poked her head in, clearly checking to see if I was awake. “I’m going over to the Cullens’ house, could you come with me?”

“Right now?” It was well past midnight; closer to sunrise than sunset. She nodded. “Do you need a ride?”

“No, Edward will take me. I just need your input on something.”

“Oh… Uh, sure.” I tried to act like this wasn’t completely bizarre.

She smiled widely, “Good! No time to waste.” She grabbed my wrist and pulled me up from the floor. “Let’s go! Chop, chop.”

She only gave me a few minutes to change before she hurried me out the front door. I’m sure she only waited a second before Edward was back to run her to his house. Physically run, because we didn’t want him to bring his car to the street. Dad had eyes everywhere. They were smart enough to know at least that.

It didn’t matter that I drove a bit over the speed limit. They still made it there before me, and were full on making out when I got there. I never thought Bella would need to move on. She didn’t see things the way I did. She was never really mad at them. The whole time, she would have done anything to bring them back. I wasn’t even a little surprised that she could be so okay now.

I don’t think they noticed I had pulled in. They talked amongst themselves for a few more moments before Edward pulled her through the door. I hesitated, getting out of the car slowly and moving toward them. I saw Bella turn and wave me in. I took a deep breath and followed.

I heard Carlisle before I saw him and my heart fluttered in my chest. “-this is not a purely a social visit?”

Bella nodded. “I’d like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important.”

Carlisle and Edward shared a look. I wondered what he was thinking. Edward just looked a bit critical.

“Of course. Why don’t we talk in the other room?” Carlisle suggested. I didn’t make a sound. I hadn’t made a sound the whole time and I don’t think they noticed I had come in because when Bella turned to tell me to follow, both men sharply looked in my direction.

“Y/n…” Carlisle basically breathed my name and his face softly slightly. I practically skipped to grab his hand. His fingers interlocked with mine as he led us into the very unused dining room. “I didn’t think I’d have the pleasure of seeing you this soon.” He whispered.

I knew the other could hear us, but it still felt intimate somehow. Like it was just the two of us. Feeling his cool breath on my ear made it hard to not blush.

“Bella… Can be stubborn.” I laughed. “I don’t have any idea what this is about.” His hand tightened on mine, but he still seemed calm.

I noticed as we walked how clean the house was. Nothing was dusty. The sheets were gone. It was like they never left. It bothered me more than I thought it would. I knew they’d be back, but I just didn’t want to pretend nothing had happened.

The others filtered in the room. They all picked spots at the table like this was a perfectly normal thing to do. Everyone was smiling, even Rose. Which was new and so odd. Carlisle pulled the chair next to him out for me and Bella sat on my other side. Edward sat on the other side of her.

Carlisle nodded toward Bella, “The floor is yours.”

“Well,” She bit her lip before continuing. “I’m hoping Alice told you everything that happened in Volterra?”

“Everything,” Alice assured.

Bella looked grateful, quickly glancing at me. I nodded. “And on the way?”

“That too,” she nodded.

“Good, so we’re all on the same page.”

That’s what this was about. I felt silly for not guessing before. They’d talked about turning Bella and now she was trying to cash in. She had made up her mind and she wasn’t going to wait. Despite the fact that she had a thousand reasons to wait.

We both did.

“So, I have a problem,” she began. “Alice promised the Volturi that Y/n and I would be like you. I know they are going to send someone to check on us, and I’m sure that would be very bad- something we’d want to stop.

“And so, now, this involves you all. I’m sorry about that.” She looked around the table. I couldn’t bring myself to meet her gaze. My eyes dropped to where Carlisle’s hand held mine. “But, if you don’t want me, or us… then I’m not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not.”

Someone must have tried to add something, but Bella cut them off. “Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don’t want me, then… I guess I’ll go back to Italy alone. I can’t have them coming here.”

I forced myself to make eye contact with her. Her face looked riddled with grief. She met my gaze and I shook my head once. A single tear rolled down her cheek when she caught on to the words I wouldn’t say.

‘Not alone.’

I think Edward growled. We just ignored him.

“Taking into account, then, that we won’t put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire. Just me. Y/n can decide whenever she’s ready.”

“Thanks…” I barely mumbled. I was not ready to decide anything. I wanted to at least talk to Carlisle about everything first.

Bella gestured to Carlisle for him to begin, but Edward caught on too quickly. “Just a minute. I have something to add, before we vote.” I had to laugh. I wanted to hit my face on the table. “About the danger Bella’s referring to. I don’t think we need to be overly anxious,” He nearly grinned, like he had been waiting to throw this into the gauntlet. “You see, there was more than one reason why I didn’t want to shake Aro’s hand there at the end. There’s something they didn’t think of, and I didn’t want to clue them in.”

“Which was?” Alice prodded.

“The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it’s not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?”

Bella shuddered, clearly she did. I had to try to remember which one he was. I got stuck between the tracker one and the twin to Jane.

“He finds people- that’s his talent,” He answered for me. “That's why they keep him.

“Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri’s talent works. He’s a tracker- a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the… flavor?”

“Eww?” I’m sure the disgust was painted on my face. Carlisle chuckled.

“I don’t know how to describe it… the tenor… of someone’s mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.

But after Aro’s little experiments, well…” Edward shrugged.

“You think he won’t be able to find me,” Bella said flatly.

I could tell how smug he was. “I’m sure of it. I don’t think he’d even be able to track Y/n. He hasn’t met her, and we could easily keep it that way. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn’t work on either of you, they’ll all be blind.”

“That doesn’t mean he couldn’t track me, I’m not like Bella.” I tried.

Surprisingly, Emmett added “Not exactly, but there’s something similar. We’ve all noticed it. I know you have too. You can walk into a room of vampires and not a single one of us will notice you. There has to be something to that.”

“We don’t know that for sure,” Carlisle mumbled, his grip tightening ever so softly

“Exactly! So How does that solve anything?” Bella asked.

“Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they’re planning a visit, and we’ll hide you. They’ll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!”

He and Emmett exchanged a glance and a smirk.

“But they can find you,” Bella reminded him.

“And I can take care of myself.”

“Oh my god…” I placed my forehead on the table. Why was Edward being so dense? I was nearly shaking and the only thing keeping me grounded was Carlisle hand on mine. Clearly I wasn’t the only one with a problem because just about everyone else was very against Edwards plan. Except Emmett and Jasper, who continued to encourage him.

Bella wasn’t letting up. “All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let’s vote.” Her voice was still so calm and collected, I wanted to vomit. She looked to Edward. “Do you want me to join your family?”

His eyes were jet black. I wondered how long they had been that way. “Not that way. You’re staying human.” I almost laughed.

Bella nodded once and moved on. “Alice?”

“Yes.” She said it like it was easy.

“Jasper?”

“Yes.” I winced and just kept my eyes closed. I used my free hand to hold my head up; bracing my palm on my forehead and my elbow on the table.

Bella pressed on, “Rosalie?”

“No,” Thank god… “Let me explain. I don’t mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister, it's just that… this isn’t a life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me.”

It was my turn to squeeze Carlisle’s hand. Though, I knew it wouldn’t do much to ease the overwhelming guilt he felt. I just wanted to remind him I was there.

But, somehow Bella accepted her reasoning. “Emmett?”

“Hell, yes!” he grinned. “We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri.” I had to bite my finger to keep from screaming.

I felt Bella’s eyes on me, Then Carlisle’s. I huffed out a humorless laugh and shook my head. “Oh, I get a vote?”

“Of course, Y/n. This is about you too.” Bella’s voice was soft. I could already tell she regretted saying that.

I was going to make that regret so much worse. I laughed. “I think you’re clueless. I think every one of you who voted yes, is clueless.

“Lets not forget, Bella, that a week ago, none of them were here.” I watched several of them wince. “These same people decided six months ago that we would be better off without them. And now you’re just so ready to strap into a literal forever with them. It’s insane, actually.” I let out a shaky breath.

“I know that I am grossly outnumbered and I’m not saying never,” Edward growled, I rolled my eyes. “You’re gonna have to live with it Eddy boy, it’s been decided and you know it. But can we give it some fucking time? Maybe circle back in a couple months, a year?”

Bella’s sharp eyes never left mine, “No. We’re deciding now. Final opinion?”

“For right this very second? No. I don’t think you should be a vampire.”

“Great. Thanks. Carlisle?”

His eyes were on Edward. I watched Bella start to panic. I knew better, I knew where his vote lay; I dropped his hand. He had the deciding vote, there were three yes’s and three no’s.

“Edward,” he said.

“No.”

“It’s the only way that makes sense.” Carlisle insisted. “You’ve chosen not to live without her, and that doesn’t leave me much of a choice” Edward stalked out of the room. “I guess you know my vote.” he sighed.

I couldn’t bring myself to look at any of them, though I could feel his eyes on me. I was still shaking. There was an ear splitting crash from the other room that made me jump and definitely didn’t help my nerves.

Bella spoke quietly, “That’s all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you.”

A hush washed over the room, Alice moved to hug Bella. I closed my eyes and waited for a good point to leave.

“Well, Alice. Where do you want to do this?” I didn’t even have time to react.

“No! No! NO!” Edward roared charging back into the room. “Are you insane?”

“Clearly…” I mumbled under my breath.

“Have you utterly lost your mind?”

“Uhm, Bella. I don’t think I’m ready for that. I’ll need to prepare…” I rolled my eyes.

“You promised,” Bella added, sounding like a whiny child.

I tried to tune them out. I focused on the sound my nail made when I tapped it on the table while they debated which one of them got to bite my sister tonight. The more Bella spoke the more muffled she got, like Edward was doing everything to get her to stop talking.

Bella wasn’t going to give up. I couldn’t take it. I pressed my palms against the wood of the table and left. I didn’t say a word. I felt Carlisle’s soft golden eyes follow me out of the room, but he made no effort to stop me. Not that he could if he tried.

I practically sobbed as I sat down on the front porch, the door slamming behind me. I didn’t make a sound- couldn’t. I sat there and let the cold air wrap itself around me and cried. I didn’t know how or when I would be able to go back inside.

I listened to the crickets. I saw the sun peaking over the tree, just barely shining through the thick clouds. I didn’t cry for very long, I didn’t really have it in me. I just needed to leave the room and allow myself time to pull myself together.

When the front door opened again, I never expected Alice to step out, but then she was sitting next to me.

“They went home… She agreed to wait at least until graduation. But the decision of when exactly hasn’t been made yet.”

I laughed, “Sure seems like it has.”

“Edward won’t do it so soon. He also won’t let anyone else do it.” She rolled her eyes, but was still so delicate with me. “There’s no set time line. She will be one of us, but it doesn’t have to be right now. Even when we were gone the vision of Bella never changed. We’ve just been delaying the inevitable.

“My visions have been wrong before. The future changes constantly. Edward and I agreed that if we left she would eventually move on, and be so much safer. But it never changed and I saw her jump off the cliff and…” Her voice trailed off. I think if she could cry she would have been. “Oh, Y/n… I’m so sorry. I wish I could change the way I handled things. I wish I could save you from all of this hurt.”

I let her hug me. I even pressed into her.

I didn’t want to be mad anymore. More than anything, I wanted things to be normal. Or at least as close to normal as the Cullens could manage.

I looked to find Carlisle leaning against the porch railing. I didn’t know when he had come out, but I was thankful for his presence. Alice pulled away from me as I locked eyes with him. I tried to convince myself he was really there.

From the doorway behind me, Jasper spoke. “We’ll give you guys some privacy,” He said it kind of loud. Much louder than he needed to for just me to hear. I wondered how much privacy we were being given.

My eyes never left Carlisle’s. Alice and Jasper disappeared into the house and I stood up. He moved towards me.

“I understand if you're mad at me…”

I kept my eyes on his face but said nothing.

“I won’t lose my son.”

“I know… I didn’t expect you to vote no. It’s okay.” I wasn’t going to blame him for Bella’s impulsive and reckless decisions. He just wanted to protect his family.

“There’s still time, Cara.” His cool hand pressed against my cheek, whipping away any remaining tears. Somehow it was more comforting coming from him.

I nodded. “I can’t make the same choice she has…”

“I would never ask you to.”

“At least not- not right now.” I leaned into his touch. “I always planned on being like you at some point.” His brow furrowed. I took a deep breath.

“Before you left, I knew that this was the life I wanted. I was always going to choose you and your family. I accepted that that meant I had to be like you, at some point.” I chuckled softly at the confusion on his face and continued. “I had a plan and everything. All I wanted was five human years. To love you, to see more of the world with you. Once the kids had settled and everything didn’t feel like it was out to get us, I would have asked you to turn me on some romantic getaway in Barcelona or Paris. Honestly, anywhere as long as it was miles and miles away from the people I love. I don’t want to be a danger to them...” A delicate smile started to form on his lips. He wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me closer to him.

“We could still have that, if you still want it. The Volturi won’t think to check in on us for a while. It could be more than 30 years before we hear from them again, and Alice will see when they decide. You could be well into your fifties-”

I faked a gag. “Let’s not go that far.” I smiled up at him, “I just want more time with you.”

“That can be arranged.” I raised an eyebrow. “Stay with me tonight.”

“My Dad might actually kill us.”

“Then tell him where you are and he won’t feel the need to come looking. You’re an adult. He can’t ground you.” He held my chin between his finger and his thumb. “Stay with me.”

I nodded and he kissed me.

For the first time, all of this felt real again. Yes, he did leave, but he never really wanted to. He had spent months wanting to hear from me just as much as I wanted to hear from him. And he came back. He was here now.

Because he came back. Because he never wanted to leave.

I melted into his kiss. His hand pushed my hair off of my face. Before long, I was dizzy and probably would have fallen over if he wasn’t supporting me.

He pulled away first and my forehead fell against his chest. It felt so easy to laugh again.

“If I don’t text him now I’m going to forget and he really will show up this time. I think he’s just looking for a reason anyway.” Carlisle chuckled and handed me my phone, though I didn’t know when he got it. I typed up a very short message and hit send before I could think better of it. I turned the volume off and slid the phone into my back pocket. I looked back at his face.

“I love you.” My voice already sounded significantly less hollow.

“I love you.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “We’ll take this one day at a time.” I nodded and he smiled again. He swept me off my feet and into his arms. Then we were in his office and I was on my feet again.

Thankfully his arms never left my waist. The room spun, but it was exactly like I remembered it. “I’m going to have to get used to that again…” He laughed and let me pull him in the direction of the bed.

The second I was close enough I collapsed into it. Carlisle laid down next to me. I curled myself around him. “I really missed this.” I said, but it was pretty muffled by his chest.

“The bed was here the whole time.”

I leaned up to kiss him quickly and he met me halfway. “But you weren’t” Another quick kiss. “So it doesn’t count.”

I cuddled close to him and he buried his face in the crook of my neck. I felt how heavy my eyelids were, but I didn’t want to sleep. I didn’t want to miss anymore of him.

“Rest, Mon Coeur.”

I shook my head and he looked up to meet my gaze. I knew he’d still be here when I woke up. He’d be here and we’d take it day by day. But I wasn’t giving in just yet. I kissed him again and we kissed until I could no longer keep my head up.

I laid my head on his chest. He brushed my hair with his fingers.

And for the first time since Bella’s birthday, I really slept.

I slept in much later than I usually could, and he was still there when I woke up. I soaked up some of the sunshine pouring in from the windows. I didn’t want to move and disturb the peace. I was laying on my side facing him, and he held my hand in the middle of the bed.

It felt like the best kind of deja vu.

“Good morning, Beautiful.”

“G’morning, love” I reached up and touched his face. “I’m really glad you’re real.”

He laughed softly. “This is very real.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead but then he winced. Which is never a good thing. “Sadly, so are the messages from your Father.”

I sighed heavily and buried my face into the pillows. I still opened my hand and he gave me my phone. I only had 3 messages and 2 missed calls. Which was better than last time. The messages were angry but not threatening. He wasn’t coming after me.

As an adult, I made the choice to lock my phone without answering him. He’d get over it. I looked back at Carlisle, who had his eyebrows raised in suspicion.

I shrugged, “He’s being a baby. He’ll be fine.” His expression didn’t change but he started to laugh. “He’s not going to come here. It’s fine.” I swore.

“Okay, okay.” He put up hand and let his face soften. “I trust your judgment.”

“You should.” I laughed and he pressed his lips to mine briefly.

He pulled back and grinned, “I made coffee.”

I gasped “Really?!” He sat up and I followed him. He grabbed the mug from the bedside table. “All is forgiven.”

He threw his head back as he laughed. “If I’d known it was that easy-”

“Okay! Maybe not everything. But it’s definitely a step in the right direction.” I took a drink of the coffee and it was perfect, just the way I liked it. My heart skipped a beat.

He smiled at me and took my free hand. “I have to ask…” His free hand traced the fading words on my arm. “What are these?”

I felt how red my face got. “Well, I found it really hard to write while you were gone. And I started writing poetry, because my dad called me out on not writing. And I went to a poetry workshop because he said I don’t get out enough. Which was fair. I left the house like ten whole times for the first few months.” He winched. “That’s not the point. Anyway, I didn’t learn anything and all I picked up was writing little things you see on your arm so you can then turn it into poetry…” I rambled but I think he understood the gist of it.

“When do I get to read this poetry of yours?” He smirked.

“Never. When I’m dead? It’s bad, like really bad. And sad. And existential because you were gone… I don’t want it to hurt you.” I tried.

His smile softened and he touched my face. “I still want to read it at some point, but we’ll take it day by day.”

I nodded, “It’s not really up for debate, but maybe I could be convinced….”

“You’ll find, I can be very persuasive.” He winked at me and I melted.

I barely had enough time to set the cup back on the table before I crashed my lips into his.

I cringed when I got home and Dad was still there. I had tried to wait long enough for him to have left for work. When I walked into the house I could hear him angrily doing the dishes. He didn’t even turn when I walked in.

At least he was wearing his uniform. He had to leave soon.

“Bella’s in the shower.” He pulled the plug from the sink and let the water drain; Somehow even that seemed angry. “I just got done talking to her for the first time in days. Or I guess I should say, I tried to talk to her but she just lectured me. ”

“Well-” I tried

“You know, like I wasn’t here every damn day while she suffered. And I’m now supposed to accept that they’re back and that everything is okay.”

“It’s not-”

“Even you are just welcoming them back. After they hurt Bella like that. I just don’t understand how you can pretend nothing happened. It’s like no one cares how Bella-”

That did it. “Oh It’s very clear how much you care about how Bella feels, Dad.” I couldn’t fight back the tears, but the anger in my voice made him finally look at me. “I got hurt too… You’ve spent this whole time worried about Bella and you’ve hardly asked about me at all.”

“Y/n-”

“No,” I cut him off. I really was crying at that point. “Of course I worry about Bella. I hated how much she hurt-”

“They did that to her!” He almost shouted.

I stood my ground. “Carlisle got a job!” It was easy to lie for them now that they were back. “That happens. And he took his kids because what other choice did he have, Dad? They- fuck… They did what they thought was right and they came back when they realized it wasn’t.

“Did they go about it the wrong way? Absolutely. Did it tear Bella and me apart for literal months? Yup, sure did. But they aren’t criminals. They couldn’t have known how hard Bella took it.” My voice started to shake. I wanted to curl up and sleep. “How could they have known how dramatic Bella would be?”

“They should have tried to call or something, instead of just abandoning her.” I let out a humorless laugh and he added, “and you, Y/n. I know this is about you too. I saw how bad you were hurting too. Which is honestly why I’m so surprised you’re just pretending nothing happened.”

“Oh my god! No one is doing that. Carlisle is very aware of how I feel about the situation. Edward is riddled with guilt over all of it.” I sighed really trying to not be mad; He was making it very hard.

“Well I’m not going to sit by and let them hurt you again.”

I wanted to scream but I held back and mumbled, “It’s like I’m talking to a brick wall… Look, Dad, you can be angry and treat us like children if it helps you, but I see through it.”

I’d never spoken to him like this before, but he needed to hear it. I took a deep breath, let my voice soften, and looked him in the eyes. “I know you’ve been in our shoes before and I saw how hard it was on you. I can’t imagine what it’s like to experience that and then have to watch both of your daughters go through the same thing.

“But I know that the anger and the yelling is just you projecting. Bella and I are not pretending nothing happened. Carlisle and Edward are not pretending nothing happened.” His face softened, I thought I’d gotten through to him; at least a little. “Dad-”

“No you’re right. You’re an adult. Bella is… 18.” He put his hands in his pockets. “I don’t want to watch them hurt you again, but I’m the one in the wrong…”

I think he expected me to disagree, but I just sighed and looked at my feet. “They aren’t going to hurt us again.”

“Sure, Sure”

“You can be mad if you want…”

“Oh, I’m gonna be.”

I laughed. “Okay, Dad.” I tried to smile at him. I nudged his foot with mine and he almost cracked a smile. “You trust me, right?”

“Of course I trust you , it’s them I dont trust.”

“Psht!” I waved a dismissive hand “Who cares about trusting them.” He actually did smile a tiny bit. “Just trust me.”

“I do.”

“Great!” I threw my arms around him and whispered, “I can protect Bella too.”

He sighed and hugged me back. After all the yelling, this hug lifted a weight off my shoulders. “I know.” He leaned back to look at my face while holding my shoulders. “You don’t have to do it alone.”

“I know.” I repeated his words back to him. “Neither do you. Or Bella. We have each other. Even if everyone else leaves…”

“We’ll always have each other.” He hugged me tighter this time resting his chin on my head. “When did you get so mature?”

“I’ve always taken after you.”

He laughed and pulled away. “I’ve got to work. Try to not let Bella jump on a plane to Texas while I’m gone.”

“Oh Texas? No promises. I’ve heard Texas is great this time of year.”

He tried to look annoyed with my sarcasm, but he loved it.

We said our goodbyes and he went to leave. He opened the door and turned and for a split second he looked like he was going to say something more, apologize maybe, but he shook his head softly and left for work.

He wouldn’t let this go anytime soon.

I decided I wouldn’t let it bother me.

Epilogue <3

Taglist

@jakanddexter67 @a-not-so-poetic-poet @bridge597@cestlavie03 @gaymazinglula

#carlisle cullen #carlisle cullen x reader #twilight #twilight renessaince #twilight fanfiction #twilight x reader #im always in this twilight #new moon #arent we just terrified

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gaypirate420 · 3 years

Note

Reader!gn finds toddler Jinx and falls in love immediately. Silco is against this whole 'let's play happy family' until little Jinx call Silco 'Dada' 🥺 Sorry for my english

There you go, mate!, I change it a little I'm sorry.

You don't know shit about my family// Silco.

Silco x gender neutral reader.

Silco is a grumpy little man, this turned a little angsty and short.

After Jinx basically choose you and Silco to be her parents the tension between you and the drug lord was a little rough.

He was very uniterested on taking care of her in a more lovely way, which leaded to several disagreements and fights with eachother.

"What are you doing with that, my love?" He asked you when he spotted the little monkey plushie you got on your hands.

"It's for Jinx" You said with a smile.

"You have being doing this a lot recently...you are spoiling her" He lights up his cigar, you furrowed your eyebrows.

"And what about it?" You asked.

"We are not her parents, we are just giving her a place to stay and food, nothing more" His eyes meet yours.

"Silco—"

"Don't blind yourself, my love, she is not our daughter, how many times am I going to repeat this?" He stated.

"You're right—" You said low.

"She is not our daughter, she is my daughter" You slammed the door of his office when you left, Silco sighed and keep working.

"Hey Jinx, look what I got you" You said entering her room.

"A monkey!" She yelled with emotion, she grabbed it and give it a big hug full with love.

"I love him!"

"I'm glad you liked it, little one" You can't help but smile at the scene, you picked her up and kiss her cheek.

"Now it's time to sleep, my little monkey" You said walking to her bed, you placed her gently.

"I love you" She whispered, you gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you too" You grabbed a blanket and began to tuck her in with kindness.

"Where's Papa?" She asks, shit, you promised her Silco would tuck her in tonight.

"Working, I'm sorry, Jinx" Your hearth broke when you saw her little smile fade away.

"Good night" She said and hide under her blankets, you sighed and stood up, you tell her good night from the door and closed it.

You got into your room and locked it.

You showered and got into your pijamas.

"Let me in" Silco said from behind the door, you didn't answer, you kept brushing your hair, you heard him trying to move the knob.

"I need to sleep, darling—" He said trying to hide the anger he felt.

"You can do it on your office" Your voice was closer to the door and harsh.

"My dear, this is ridiculous—"

"If you found all of this so silly, then I can go with Jinx somewhere else" You snapped.

"No, you can't- I need you—" He tried to open the door, his forehead touched the door.

"Jinx needs me too, I can't split myself in half"

"Dar—"

"Good night, Silco" You said, Silco saw that you turn off the lights, he sighed and got to his office.

He looked at the couch and rolled his eyes, he lay down and looked at the ceiling, he closed his eye and quickly falles sleep.

Fearing for tomorrow.

Will you actually leave?

He is filled with anxiety at the mere though of him just waking up and not finding you and Jinx.

"Wake up"

"Dad! Dad! Wake up" He opened his eye and was greeted with a blue haired girl on top of him and little hands on his face.

"Wh-What?" He tried to focus on her and control his own breathing.

"I had a nightmare" She said, her eyes were puffy from crying.

"Tell—"

"No, I need you, please dad" She sobbed and rubbed her eye.

Wait, how did she called him?!.

"The couch is too small, let's go to your room, Jinx" He said softly, she stood up and grabbed her monkey.

"Would you like to tell me about it, child?" He asked standing up, oh night terrors, he is very used to them.

"It was about you" She lifted her hands and Silco hesitated but he picked her up.

"That you left me because you didn't love me anymore" She sniffed, Silco looked at her and feels bad.

"It was a dream, Jinx" He opened the door and walked into her room, she just looked at him with a sad face.

"It wasn't real" He assured, he got in and left her on the bed, she moved to a side and patted her bed, Silco layed besides her.

"Do you still love me, papa?" She asked hugging her stuffed animal, his hearth broke in a million pieces seeing her little face with tears and a shaky lip.

"Yes, Jinx...you are my daughter, nothing would make me leave you or stop loving you, nothing" He whispered, she gets closer and hugs him, he wraps his arm around her until she fell sleep, he joined her minutes after.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You woke up and missed Silco's body on the bed, your hand reach for him but you sighed when the memory came back to you.

You sat on the bed and stare at nothing.

You sighed and got into the shower, you cleaned yourself and got dressed, you opened the door and walked to Jinx's room.

"Monkey? It's time to wake up" Your head peaks inside but there is no sigh of Jinx, only her bed done like you left it the day before.

"Jinx?" You called for her while you walked to Silco's office, you opened the door and he wasn't there, you sighed and began to panic, did something happen to them?.

"Silco?! Jinx?!" You walked downstairs but only meet Sevika.

"W-where are they?" You asked.

"I don't know, nobody except you had come here yet" She said, you sighed and got back upstairs, you got down to the kitchen and you got a big relief when you heard Jinx's laugh coming from there.

"Don't do that ever again" You said while you enter.

"Do what?" The little girl asked, Silco looks at you with worry, you looked a little shaken.

"I- Forget it, good morning" You got a kiss her cheek, your eyes meet Silco's while he sip his coffee.

"We were waiting for you" He said, you got closer to him and he kissed your forehead.

"What for?" You looked at him.

"To eat together!" Jinx shouted, you looked at her and smiled, then your eyes returned to Silco.

"Oh really, that sounds amazing" you turned around to the bar and make Silco turn too.

"Explain" You whispered to him, you were still a little mad, he understands you too well, you think he is just giving Jinx love to make you happy and stop this fight.

"Hm, long story" He said with a little smirk, you didn't say nothing and grabbed a mug from the top shelf.

"Stay here please, don't leave me, and don't take our daughter with you, I need both of you, I'm sorry for being...a little stubborn" said Silco with a whisper, you arched your eyebrow while you made your coffee.

"Very stubborn" He corrected himself, you meet eyes with him.

"I would lose everything for her, even my own life" You said serious.

"And I don't think different than you, but it did take me longer to realize that, promise—" He admitted.

"We'll stay, Silco, I'm sorry too, I was a little too hard last night"

"You seem anxious, my lovely" He said, you sighed and breath deep, his hand goes to your shoulder.

"Sorry about that, I thought something happened to you and Jinx" You said, Silco hummed and grabbed your hand.

"Are you guys done with the whispering? I want my pancakes, pleaseeeee" Jinx said, you chucked and turn around, you gave her a look and a smirk, you pointed to Silco and she gasped.

"Oh! oh! Dad?" She lean on the table, you grabbed your mug and sat besides her.

"What is it, little one?" He asked.

"Can you make the pancakes, pretty please" She said with a smile, Silco looks at you and you have a smile on your face that you are failing to hide.

"Fine" Silco said, he goes to the drawer and grabbed a green apron.

"You have to wear the pink one! The one with the bears!" You said with a smile.

"I don't—" Silco protests.

"If you don't wear the pink aprooooon..."

"Then you can't feel the love!" Jinx completed, Silco sighed but he obey.

"You look so handsome, my love" You said.

"This doesn't leave this room" He said pointing at your with a spatula, you giggle and with your hands pretend to zip your mouth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: i love this so much,even though I didn't give it the best ending.

#silco #arcane #silco x reader #lol silco #silco league of legends #arcane silco #arcane x reader #jinx and silco

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grey-water-colors · 2 years

Text

Our Word

Eddie Munson X afab! Reader

Feeling angsty and I'm obsessed with Eddie. This is a song fic, kinda dipping my toes in the water for writing for him. This is based on Our Word by Jessie Shelton. I have manipulated these lyrics to mean what I want them to. I will most very likely write a second part to this.

Link to the song: https://youtu.be/JUoX5EAxF34

Summary: A new life, with a new name, comes with heavy burdens of lies and secrets, but the truth always comes forward.

Pairing: Eddie Munson X afab! Reader

Warnings: Suicide mention. Almost dying. ANGST. Mentions of cheating. Mentions of death.

Word Count: 1,777

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had prided myself on keeping secrets, big ones, and little ones. I never told a soul. Everyone has secrets too, even me. The town of Hawkins doesn’t need to know my secrets though, so like all other secrets, I keep it close to my chest.

Secrets can eat at you though, like a lie. I’ve told my share of lies too, but I learned how to very early in life.

When I was a little girl Like really little, like 8 or so I was playing in my father's study A place in the house I wasn't supposed to go My father fancied himself a sailor His study was filled with nautical decor He kept a boat in a bottle on the top of a shelf And it shattered on the ground when I slammed the door

My father was a man of few words, but all about image. Now that I know what I know, my mother was also very obsessed with image. Never a hair out of place, or an emotion to show. As a child though, my father was mean and neglectful, and my mother was the one who listened. This was the beginning of my lies and my secrets. I told my mother everything I told her I was so, so sorry She told me, "don't cry When he comes home tonight We can make everything okay This is all we have to say "We don't remember a boat in a bottle It must've fallen off its shelf alone We know you loved it, we're so sad it's broken But neither one of us was even home" And it's our word Yes, our word Against his

My life in Hawkins was peaceful. I showed up one day, a rouge 18-year-old with nothing to tell of a life before. Very small, which suited my needs. I was content not talking to anyone, but that proved to be nigh impossible.

The funny thing about no-one knowing who you are, is I could be anyone. I could be who I always wanted and hoped to be.

New apartment.

New wardrobe.

New name.

New life.

But the past can haunt you. So I hid screw-ups from my father Made up school awards to please my mom Whatever made the steak taste better Whatever kept the waters calm I was told to keep their secrets And in turn they'd keep mine As I got older, I got dumber I couldn't help but cross the line

I was sure that Hawkins would never find out my past. My new friends didn’t ask. A job at a cheap movie theater and renting movies for half-price from my friends.

And weed from the person who held my life together. Eddie was quite possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me. Patient and kind, and someone I could spend all day looking at. Best friends with benefits and hoping for more. I was a lost puppy following him around when we first met. The high from weed is nice, but the giddy high I get from being around him is by far more addicting.

I know he’s curious, dying actually, to know my secrets. Which is why I’m stuck pining after him instead of dating him. Lies of omission are still lies and partners don’t keep secrets.

If only he knew… Three times I nearly wrecked my life Three times I nearly came to ruin Three times went crying to my parents Who said they'd make it go away Yes, this is all we had to say

I was sure that I was done with them, that I could just live under their roof until I graduated, but things got messy during a rouge vacation. A broken heart and broken truths. No one got the whole truth that day, not even my parents. Still, they pulled through for me, a secret keeper in my own right.

I swore I would never love someone again, it only lead to more secrets and lies. "We never rented a house in Sedona We didn't see Camille the day she died We haven't been on our boat in some years now So we don't care what you found inside" And it's our word Yes, our word It's our word Yes, our word Against theirs

I loved that boy, even after he cheated. Drugs will make you do things that bring out the dark in you. Camille was so innocent, and due to my incompetence, dead. I didn’t kill her, not physically. She also loved him and her seeing me, well, it broke her. She jumped and I was so out of it that I couldn’t do anything. Somebody was paid to make it go away Everyone was paid to make the problems go away Doesn't matter who gets screwed, or who is blamed Or what you need to do to clear your name An inconvenient truth can be easily erased

I made a plan then. A lie so big, so thorough, that my parents must play along. Save face. I graduated. I moved out to a place and lost myself for a bit.

I say it was to spite my parents. I want to believe that so badly, but in the end, the truth always surfaces.

She didn’t deserve to die. I was there. I could have saved her.

And while my name is no longer associated with her, or the accident, it haunts me more than the secrets. More than the lies.

I was running from my guilt, but I was never fast, so it caught me pretty quickly. When I was 18 I was living in New York I developed some fun habits Put my white blood cells to work I remember it so clearly I was home alone on a Tuesday night To level out, I'd popped some downers But couldn't seem to get my mind right I drew a bath and slipped into it And suddenly became aware I couldn't keep my head above water I took a final gasp of air I remember it so clearly. It wakes me up sometimes, that feeling that I’m drowning again. I startle awake in Eddie’s arms, waking him in the process. Even then, when faced with my mortality, I still can’t tell him, a life before, hidden away. Kept close to my heart that beats for him. I usually leave after that, and he never questions it.

I love him, so purely and genuinely. What I’d give to be his, and for him to be mine.

I love the names he had for me. When he’d call me darling, or sweet thing, or any other number of things he calls me. I love it because, if even only for a second, I’m genuine, going by a name that isn’t made up.

I love when he holds me when we’re watching a movie in his trailer. His arm over my shoulder, me tucked perfectly into his side.

I love when he listens to my favorite music even though they aren’t his style in the slightest. How he turns the volume up to scream it while he’s driving, one ringed hand on my knee.

And as I laid there helplessly A million different thoughts came to me

I’m not sure how it occurred to me, but after I resigned my will to life, I thought that somewhere out there I’m depriving someone of a love they were meant to have. That maybe, just maybe, there is someone out there who could love me. Who I didn’t have to keep secrets from or tell lies to. Someone who wouldn’t lie to me. Honesty and trust. That maybe if I couldn’t live with myself, then I could live as someone who I liked enough. Someone who someone loves and then maybe I could love myself.

Now I live a comfortable life. Work at the theater, friends on Monday, DnD spectating on Wednesday, and movies with Eddie on Fridays. The weekend spent however I like.

Tonight though, wrapped in his arms, all I can think about is the lies I've told, and the secret I keep.

I saw my parents hearing the news

"Your only daughter drowned today" I thought about what they might say

I wish I could’ve seen them when my lie had reached them. I wonder sometimes if they mourned, or if they had even cared. I bet on the second, they were probably expecting it.

I thought about what they would do, how the millionaire parents would react to their only child dying. Would it go public? Or would the story die without ever seeing the light of day?

I’d like to say I was ready. Prepared for the possibility that they would play on this. There’s a lot of things I’d like to say.

Like I wasn’t prepared.

Wasn’t prepared to walk into a room with my friends and love reading a newspaper.

Wasn’t prepared to see my picture.

Wasn’t prepared to hear the lie of a lifetime.

Or for my truth to come forward. "Our daughter, Judith? No, she moved to Austin She's very happy there, or so we hear She's always been so goddamned independent The years go by and now we barely see her" "Our daughter, Judith? You must be mistaken You mean the girl we raised as if our own? We loved her so much she felt like our child But eventually we had to send her home"

It's hard to explain to people that knew you as Y/N, was in fact legally born and raised with the name Judith. You weren’t Judith anymore though, you were Y/N. A girl who had a secret past, but didn’t lie.

It’s hard to explain how you ended up in small town Hawkins. It’s hard to explain anything while no one trusts what you say.

It’s even harder to watch the person you love most in the world look so betrayed and hurt, and then walk out on you.

It'd be their word Only their word

In the end you suppose, your parents had made sure that if you were still alive, that you would be known for the liar you were. No amount of money could hide this blunder, and no amount of money could fix how you felt.

Eddie wouldn’t talk to you or look at you for that matter. Your world had fallen apart, from a stupid mistake. A secret and a lie. How foolish to hope he would never find out. How foolish to hope for more.

How foolish to wish for anything anymore.

It'd be their word Only their word On its own

The truth always comes forward

#Eddie Munson #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x afab reader #angst #stranger things #stranger things 4 #st4 #eddie doesn't die #this doesn't follow the plot of the show #I'm making this up

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fictionalmenmistress · 4 years

Text

🌸🍡Taehyung with a chubby darling🍡🌸

In which our best boy reacts to having a bashful girlfriend who happens to be volumptous and curvy... and chubby and soft... and he finds it to be SO SEXY she has no ideaaaa! *Y/N insert story!*

Some NSFW but mostly SFW, some angsty self image views, but soft and fluffy praises. Not requested, but I felt like doing it for a little self-gratification since he'd likely be exactly like this... enjoy lovelies~ 😚

All of my work is labelled under the hashtag #fictionalmenmistress, in the tags 🌸🍡🌸

"Hey baby~" Taehyung devilishly smirks, tucking his head into your shoulder.

"AHH!" You shriek, as your boyfriend squeezes you from behind. You pull out your earbuds and pause your music, spinning around to face him before you. "You SCARED me, Taehyung!"

Taehyung softly chuckled, taking you into his arms. "Awwww my baby... I'm sorry." He cooed, not taking your scolding seriously.

You pull your face away from his gentle hands, as he leaned closer to cup your cheeks... but pouts when he's denied.

"What if a sasaeng broke in and grabbed me or something? Its scary enough to be in such a big house all by myself, you know I'm always looking over my shoulder... because I'm scared of ghosts, and stuff going 'bump' in the night."

"But not us going 'bump' in the night, right?" He mischeviously smirks, taking your hand into his, examining your face with half-closed, lulled eyes.

"Taehyungieeee-" you whine, playfully scolding him to pay attention, as a blush surfaces over your whole face. "You know I scare easily."

"I do too, precious." He quietly assures, before groaning. "OKAYYYY, I won't suprise you off guard anymore... no matter how cute or amusing your reaction may be-" he murmured in submission, letting out a long sigh. "Can't I just... hold you now?"

You blush, as he guides your hand to his lips, pressing a delicate kiss against the back of your hand. "I missed you all day... you're usually with me at the studio, or waiting with those yummy muffins after dance practice."

You giggle. "You mean the ones I lie to PD-nim about? Saying they're faux muffins, that are really veggie-based, to enhance protein and carb burning?" You ask, lifting your eyebrows in an amused way.

"Yeah, those ones..." Taehyung sighs with a pout. "All the guys love them... even Mister Bang now."

"He does, doesn't he?" You grimace, remembering the tray you made their boss recently, per-request. "I feel bad about lying, now that he thinks they're okay to eat all the time..."

"NOOO we can't lose our muffins!!" Taehyung playfully whines, clinging onto your arm. "He'll make us diet if he knowssss!"

"It sounds like you miss my muffins more than me." You smirk.

Taehyung scoffs, shaking his head, before planting several, slow kisses, up your arm.

"No, there's nothing I wouldn't give to have you by my side. Every day... muffins or no muffins." He giggles, towering over you and gazing into your eyes. "I missed you today."

"I missed you too, Tiger. I had been needing to do some artwork for my webtoon panels." You smile, booping his nose. "I'm trying to build an audience for my own work!"

Taehyung gently groans, pulling you in close by your waist. "You know... I can reccomend it to army on weverse or twitter. You've always been the best story teller I know... so its not like I'd be making up any praises about how amazing it is..."

You run your fingers through his soft hair, as he nuzzles into your neck. You can feel his breath slowing, huffing against your skin to breathe you in. He sends a shiver down your spine, slowly squeezing his hands over your hips, almost like... he's kneeding dough.

"Tae... y-you know I want to make something for myself..." you blush, as his hands sensually explore their way up your back. "I want to have self-made sucsess, doing what I love. It means a lot to me, to say that I did it, without anyone's help."

"Mmmm... my pretty little buisness CEO... I love it when you're ambitious and driven."

You scoff, wriggling in his hold. "Oh please, Tae... I'm not little, c'mon." You blush, this time out of embarrasement.

He can feel your body grow stiffened in his arms.

"Why can't I just praise you?" He whispers, almost saddened that you won't accept the admiration.

He leans back and stares into your eyes, with a small childish pout of dissapointment on his lips. His eyes are big and glossy as they penetrate your soul... like that of a puppy.

Its so wonderfully strange how he can look so intimidating and sexy sometimes... then all of a sudden so soft and baby-ish.

And right when he had you where he wanted you, softening your attention to be on him and distracted... of COURSE he would try to snag a move on you again. There went his large, manly hands... gently gripping and easing into a subtle squeeze on your waist skin... before sliding so slowly and delicately down to your bubbly buttcheeks.

Ah those thick buns and 'thicc' thighs. You love them then you hate them... they jiggle when you move, they always have. And... they have those small dimples in them. You always felt hesitant to let your boyfriend touch the soft spots, worried he may be turned off by the texture of your squishy skin, or how your body isn't tight like his own body. And yet... his gaze and hands always wandered there most... he was so needy for those areas, always trying to weasel his way into exploring them.

You were pretty confident about your big breasts, however. Those didn't make you feel like 'too much' for him. Well... besides the faded stretchmarks from them growing so quickly during middle school. Puberty... it just kinda hit you like a truck. You went from looking like a scrawny child to looking like a shapely woman with a baby doll face.

Parents would get mad at you trick or treating, assuming you were a college student dressing up and requesting candy. And those pervy older men were always such a pesty, creepy problem. All this to say, you became very aware of your body, very fast. Your other classmates were still skinny and shapeless, with more boxy frames than curvy frames, and none of the boys in your class ever seemed to be attracted to you, over the girls like them.

As Taehyung has said once before though... a young boy wants to knaw on bones, while a grown man hungers for the meat.

"Did you just compare me to meat?" You asked him after the fact.

"No! No... that's not what I..." He giggled, shaking his head. "Its just an old saying, that I only really understood when I grew up. Basically, women with shape are the sexiest to men... but teenage boys are attracted to a more child-like, thinner look." he quietly said.

His words echoed through your head, before you attention re-gathered in the moment happening now.

"You're little to me..." he innocently cooed.

Yes, I suppose height-wise you were shorter than your tall boyfriend. But you always wondered if you looked too... big... standing next to him. He was so lean... with practically no fat on his firm, toned body. But you were soft all over. And seeing Taehyung at award shows... surrounded by all of those dainty, tiny girlgroup idols... they looked like they could fit in his hands. But you... you felt so big sometimes, with your foreign genetics.

Taehyung never seemed to care, and he never said anything but praises, but you still wondered in the back of your mind. Did he think you were too much for him?

Taehyung liked a challenge. The more you shyed away, the more he pressed into you, cradling you in his grasp. (He knew the difference between you being shy versus being non-consenting, and NEVER went against your limits or desires. He read people quite well, especially you...)

"Taehyung..." you gulped, feeling your lips trembling to get the words out. "D-do you think I'm... f-fat?" You stammer. The look on his face is almost appalled, angered. Who would make you have such a false impression?

"What?" He repeated. "Fat? Absolutely NOT." He corrected, tilting up his chin confidently.

"B-but... according to Korean standards..." you muttered, beginning to ramble now that pandora's box had been opened. "I'm-"

"Don't say it." He coldly ordered. "Korean beauty standards are unrealistic and drive even the skinniest and prettiest of Korean women to get surgeries that promise an 'ideal image'. But, everyone is perfect exactly as they are. I know you know that, and you know I know that too. So, screw what advertising comanies call the 'ideal image' in my country or yours. Ideal image, my ass."

"Taehyung!" You gasp, suprised that he swore. Your boyfriend wasn't one to swear... it was a rare quality about him.

The way he worded it made you chuckle at a realization.

"Well, your butt is indeed the ideal image..." you murmured, making Taehyung smirk to see you amused and feeling a little better.

"I'm glad you think so, Jagiya~" he cooed, guiding you to the couch without his arms leaving your waist. You trusted him wholly, to guide you backwards, or anywhere.

Taehyung suddenly slipped his arm under one of your knees, making you yelp as he pulled your thigh up against the side of his body. He confidently smiles all the while, his intimate gaze never leaving your eyes. You feel his hand squeeze the thigh, and you could tell he was doing it less for support to lift you onto the couch, and moreso to feel your volumptuous form in his grasp. Ohhh he loved your thighs... your soft, lovely thighs...

He slowly leaned into you, guiding you to recline back onto the expensive, large, comfy couch.

You giggled, as he leaned all of his body onto you, squishing you playfully under him.

"Taehyung!" You laughed. "You're squishing me!"

"I want all of my body to be against your perfect body." He sweetly grinned. "There's not an inch of me that doesn't belong to you."

"Well, you're suprisingly heavy..." you playfully pout, succumbing to the comortable pressure his body was pressing into you. It was arousing, actually...

"And you're suprisingly light." He gently remarked, flipping you both so you were on top of him. You knew he didn't mean that in a bad way.

"Or you're just strong..." you sighed.

"Maybe I'm strong... but your body is perfect to me. The way you FEEL..." he began, greedily squeezing his palms over the softest parts of your thighs. "The way you LOOK..." he hungrily growled, almost an octive deeper... sending a shiver through your core as he drank in the image before him. His eyes widened as they scanned over your bouncing large breasts in his view, as he watched you sit up, straddling him as he lied there. The smile on his face was pleasured, pleased. He was a happy man to have you on top of him, no matter how light or heavy you were... he WANTED you to press your lovely form into him. "The way you walk... so bouncy and sexy... I feel jealous about how the hyungs check you out when your back is turned." His voice turned devilishly lower... deeper... as if wrathful for revenge. "Its a crime that any man gets to see your godess-like form standing before them, besided me."

"Th-they do that?" You blush, not realizing the rest of the boys saw you in that way.

"Mhmm... all of them do. Its soooo not fairrr..." he grumbled under his breath, almost purring as he took in the sight of your squishy tummy against his chest, and your juicy thighs around him. "Kitten~" he desperately sighed. "I get so HARD, just IMAGINING how you look IN clothes that cover you completely... let alone the f-fantasies of you naked~" he humms, with a hitch in his breathy whispers.

"Hh-huhh..." he sighs, his breath hitching again, as his eyes lazily roll into the back of his head, before re-drifting back down onto you. Just the remembrance gets him THAT hot and bothered??

"For realsies?" You coyly, bashfully ask.

"Of course, kitten. Would I lie to you?" He asks, raising his eyebrows with a confident smirk.

"Maybe... if it would make me feel better..." you dissapointedly assume.

He sits up, supporting himself on one of his arms, making his chest press against your breasts through your shirt. You were face to face now... just staring into one another's eyes.

"NEVER." He assured. "I would never lie to you. There's no reason for me to lie to make you feel better, Jagi. You're literally a goddess."

You feel your cheeks flume red. "G-goddess?"

"Yes! Renaissance masters didn't sculpt ideal greek godess statues with soft curves for nothing..." he grumbled, blushing at the sight of your innocent face.

"Ohh Taehyungie..." you dreamily sighed, leaning fully against his chest as he slowly lowered you both down, to lie against one another horizontally.

"The way our bodies are so different... the way yours is so soft comared to how hard and stiff mine is... its perfect." He gently cooed. "I'm surpised that you're so comfy in my arms."

"Oh Tae, you're my safe place. I love how you feel... I love how you hold me." You intimately whispered.

He stared deeply into your eyes, as a gentle smile rested on his admiring, sculpted, handsome face.

"Didn't you find me during our Love Yourself era?" He asked, cocking a brow.

"Mhmm." You responded, rapidly nodding your head up and down in such a soft, innocent way.

Taehyung giggled, endeared at your cuteness. "Okay then. I want you to love yourself... because I love you. All of you."

He gently lifted your loose shirt up enough to grab onto your waist, running his hands slowly down the sides of you, to squeeze your soft tummy in his hands, his eyes practically glistening with desire.

"Ever inch of you... every hair, every patch of skin, every tint and shade, every texture. You belong to me, and you're the sexiest being in existance. And all of me belongs to you, only you, forever. Alright?" He romantically assured, gazing hopelessly into your eyes.

The soft smile that pulled into his lips, let you know the fullest sincerity of his tone. "Okay." You smile, leaning into his lips to kiss him.

Slowly, passionately you kissed, deepening the intimate act with every second. Soon enough, your hands were running all over one another, tilting your heads to reach your tongues into the deepest parts of your mouth. Body to body... you both were perfect, together and apart, exactly as you are... he loved you.

🌸 the end 🌸 (for more, visit my hashtag: #fictionalmenmistress in the tags 🥰 requests and headcannons are also open!)

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221bshrlocked · 3 years

Text

A Sky Full of Stars

Pairing: The Mandalorian (Din Djarin) x Fem!Reader

Words: 11340 (I know I say this all the time but this really was supposed to be a short one-shot but it got away from me because I just loved this idea so so much. Sorry not sorry.)

Warning: Nothing but fluff. Some kissing that turns into a heated make-out session that turns into a cuddling session.

Inspired by this tiktok by the lovely ameliagonzales who was gracious enough to allow me to use her idea and write this.

A/N: It's been a while since I wrote something that's fluffy slightly angsty and dialogue-centered. I'm not going to lie, this took longer than usual because of the lovely anon that decided to tell me my characterization of Din is hella off and I realized I don't care if it is because it's my writing and I get to do whatever I want with it. Let me know how I'm doing in the comments and reblogs are always always appreciated. You can add yourself to the taglist here. This is not beta'd btw.

“No silly this isn’t green, it’s blue.” The little girl put her toy away and brought out a new one, giggling at your faux pout as she shoves the new object in your hand and asks you what color you thought it was. You turn it around in your hands, trying your hardest to hide the hurt growing in your chest at not knowing what color it is. You think it’s closer to the first toy she gave you but you’re not sure. You’re never sure. You look at the girl and smile at her before setting the toy aside and wiggling your hands at her. She immediately stands up and screams as you run after her, laughing along with her giggles as you chase her around and watch as more kids join in and run away from you.

You’re not sure how long you’re chasing the little ones and you hear some of them gasp and ‘oooh’ when your young friend runs into a solid figure. You stand up and watch as the girl tears up as she apologizes to the man she just ran into. You’re immediately hugging her and assuring her that everything is okay, turning to the side and narrowing your eyes at the man that scared her half to death.

“Shame on you Mando,” you pretend to smack his shoulder three times and watch as the child in your arms sniffles between laughs when the Mandalorian tries to hide away from you.

“I’m sorry little flower, I didn’t mean to scare you.” You watch as the man reaches for a small bottle in his pocket and slowly hands it to the girl. “Here you go, a token of my apology.”

“It’s okay sweetheart, he’s a nice man...even though he doesn’t look it.” You wink at Boba Fett and giggle along with her when he sighs heavily and pushes the flask into her hand. She takes it and shakes it around, her eyes lighting up when the bottle shimmers at her ministrations and illuminates her hands.

“It’s so pretty! How did you know orange is my favorite color?” The girl slides down your arms and quickly hugs the hunter in front of you before running away and showing her friends. You look at her with longing in your eyes, wishing with all your heart that you saw the gift the same way she saw it.

“Still no color princess?” Fett questions and you shrug your shoulders as you make your way towards Slave I and sit on the ramp.

“Yup, same old same old. Who knows if I’ll ever see color.” There is a hint of hurt in your tone but Fett says nothing as he approaches you and stands to the side. He pats your shoulder once as he takes his helmet off and softly wipes at the visor to clean it.

“Don’t give up, kid. You’re still young...you’ve got all the time in the galaxy and you travel everywhere. You’ll meet them when you least expect it.”

“In this line of work? Yeah, I don’t think so Fett. But at least one of us didn’t lose the positive attitude. If I’m being honest, I was hoping to see color before the next supply run. The chances that I’ll live to go to Pasaana during another Festival of the Ancestors are practically non-existent. I heard they wear so many variations of the same color...maker, it would have been nice to experience that.” You pick up a rock and throw it away as you nervously ring your fingers and brush the conversation aside, not wanting to start the journey with a sour mood.

“Well, lucky for us, we have extra help on this run so it should be quicker. Maybe you’ll see color before you go?” Fett looks up and you follow his line of sight as another ship slowly lands just behind Slave I. You stand up and walk behind your old friend, looking back at the crates to ensure they’re still there before you approach the landing ship.

“Oh no, what poor soul did you manage to rope in this time?” You eye the ship and swear there is something familiar about it but you pay it no mind as Fett puts his helmet back on.

“Hey, I don’t always bend people to my will you know. He volunteered actually...he knows his way around the Narvath Sector and he might even tag along with us to the Forbidden Valley. So, be nice and don’t flirt with him.” Fett warns and you throw your hands up in defeat, failing to hide your smile as you respond with feigned offense.

“I’m not going to flirt with him.” You raise an eyebrow when Fett snorts at your high-pitched voice as he makes his way to the landing ship, and mutters something beneath his breath. The ship powers down after a couple of moments and you take a deep breath when the doors to the docking ramp slide and a figure appears at the corner.

“There he is...took you longer to land this time.” Fett yells to the other Mandalorian, not noticing how you take a few steps back as the man walks down towards the two of you.

“Oh well things just got a little more interesting now.” You break the silence and cringe when the Mandalorian struts past your friend and takes out his blaster. You hold your hands up when he points the weapon at your head and you watch as Fett strides to the two of you and stands in between your body and his brother’s weapon.

“You?” The Mandalorian growls and he tries to step aside and Fett holds his chest and pushes him back.

“Me!” You smile nervously and gulp when Fett turns around and looks at you. You swear you can almost see the look he’s giving you but you say nothing and hope that he can handle this situation for you.

“Oh.” You would have laughed at Fett’s response if there wasn’t a bounty hunter standing not five feet away from you and killing you a thousand different ways.

“You two know each other?” Fett breaks the silence and continues to stand between the two of you, knowing his friend’s short temper and your dumb comments might escalate this situation.

“I wouldn’t say we know each other. I’d say we met very briefly on-” You try to explain what happened the last time you saw the Mandalorian but he cuts you off. He pushes his blaster into its holster and you sigh heavily but keep your hands raised, afraid he'll change his mind any second and try to shoot you again.

“You almost blew up my ship!” The Mandalorian yells and you jump at his exclamation. His irritation seeps into your skin and you narrow your eyes at him as you walk around Fett and begin to nudge at the beskar armor with one finger. Your anger at his unfairness outgrows your fear of what he can do to you and you continue to push on his chest plate as you talk back at him and ignore Fett’s whispers to let it go.

“I did no such thing. I merely tried to fix your shitty cooling radiator panels but you scared the fuck out of me when you came up behind me and suggested I switch the parts, hence why I dropped the cauterizer and burned through the wires. So technically, you almost blew up your ship.” You’re breathing heavily and you’re sure your nose is flaring from how annoyed you are by the man in front of you. A few seconds pass between the two of you and it’s not until the Mandalorian tilts his head that you realize what you’ve just said and done. You take your hands away and swallow the growing lump in your throat as you step back and apologize a few times before you walk to the crates.

The Mandalorian stands there in silence, never once looking away from you retreating form, even when Boba Fett comes and stands him.

He’s missed this, and more than he preferred to admit.

“Little princess is fiery today.” Fett comments and notices when his friend turns and stares at him through the visor. The Mandalorian says nothing as he walks away from Fett and follows you. You’re in the middle of counting the supplies in the crates when you hear the crunching of footsteps approaching you. Thinking it’s Fett that’s come to help you move the supplies, you roll up your sleeves and ask him to take the opposite side.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at your brother. I was just annoyed because I was only trying to help and he scared me.” When you look up and see that it was the Mandalorian and not your friend, you drop the crate and stare at him. He says nothing as he picks up his end of the large box and waits for you to mirror his actions before he begins to walk back to his ship. Neither of you say anything as you go back and forth until all the crates are on his ship. You walk out and stand next to Fett, waiting for his instructions to see whether you were going to go with him or with the new member of the crew.

“So what’s the plan?” You avoid the Mandalorian standing next to you and turn your body towards Fett, hoping that he’d say that you were tagging along with him.

“You’re going to go with him.” You cease to breathe at his command and clench your fists when you recognize his tone. He’s not leaving room for negotiation.

“W-why?” The Mandalorian walks back to his ship at your question and you pout when you realize that he may have misunderstood your inquiry. Not that it mattered whether or not he misunderstood...

“Fennec...we’ll meet you at Iktotchon.” You look to the ground and shuffle your feet against the sand, turning back to him and nodding quietly as you follow behind the Mandalorian.

“And princess!” Fett calls for you and you glance at him when you reach the top of the ramp.

“Hmm?”

“Try not to get into too much trouble.” You look at him with annoyance and shake your head when you realize he’s just teasing you. Standing at the large doors of the ship, you glimpse one last time at Mos Eisley before you make your way into the heart of the ship. A few moments later, the ship powers up and you watch as the barrier raises and locks just as light filters through the area. You’re not sure what you’re supposed to do or where you’re allowed to go so you remain standing where you are. Not a minute later, you jump when a voice breaks the silence and booms through the ship.

“Come up to the cockpit.”

You take a deep, calming breath as you set your things to the side and ascend the ladder to the cockpit. You come face to face with a door and you’re about to knock when it slides open and reveals the Mandalorian sitting in the pilot chair.

“Sit down and buckle up.” He says as he flicks on buttons across the board. He turns his head towards you to make sure that you’re buckled in before he raises the throttle levers and begins to take off. You hold back from saying something snarky as the turbulence gets worse, only shutting your eyes when it gets to be too much. You’re not sure how long you’re sitting there with your hands clasping the leather of the chair but it’s only when you hear the seat in front of you turning that you realize you were already in space.

You frown when you open your eyes and see the Mandalorian already looking at you, the tilt of his helmet letting you know that he was silently mocking you.

“What?” You break the silence and watch as he rights himself before he turns around and pushes the auto-pilot button.

“You’re a supply dealer who hates flying.” It’s more of a question than a comment and you can’t help but narrow your eyes when he stands up and continues to stare at you.

“So?”

“Not a good quality of life.” If you’re surprised by his response, you try not to show it as you stand up and face him defensively like before.

“Says the man who wears beskar armor every minute of the day.” It’s a low blow and you know you have no right involving his religion. But you’re fed up with his passive aggressiveness and you want to make sure he knows that he can’t talk down to you.

The Mandalorian turns away and looks at the passing stars of the galaxy, softly whispering for you to follow him as he exits the cockpit. You want to apologize for what you said but you hold back instead, following him down the ladder and standing to the side when you see him moving things around.

“This is my cot, and that right there is yours.” He points to two doors across from each other at the end of the hallway and waits for your confirmation before he walks past them and shows you the refresher.

“Help yourself to any of the rations. We’ll arrive at Iktotchon in four sleeping cycles so there should be enough food for the two of us until we get there.” You’re not sure what makes you reach for his wrist when he turns around to walk away. He stands still and looks down at the hand grasping his beskar before he looks at you.

“S-sorry...I- umm, are you coming to Pasaana?” You ring your fingers nervously as you look at yourself in his visor, taking two steps back when he straightens up and looks down at your hands.

“You’re going to the Festival of the Ancestors.”

“Yes. Well, it’s me, Mando, and Fennec. So I was just wondering, you know, if there was...if you had anything lined up after this supply run. Because if not, you can tag along...it only happens every-”

“42 years. I know.” He cuts you off and you’re not sure if his body-language seems more open or not but within a few seconds of chatting with him, he’s suddenly relaxing and leaning back against the metal wall. He’s silent for longer than you prefer so you force a smile and rub the back of your neck awkwardly as you prepare to tell him to forget that you asked since he probably has more important matters to handle.

“Ok.” It’s a simple response yet you feel your skin heat up as he nods at you and walks to his quarters. He hesitates at the door for a moment before he pushes the button and steps into the privacy of his room.

You let out a deep breath and stand in your spot for a few minutes before you slip back to the docking space to bring your belongings to the room. The ship is surprisingly more quiet than others you’ve been on and you remember what he told you about it the last time you saw him. A faint memory of how he defended the size of his ship makes you giggle. Then again, you’ve heard from Peli about the piece of junk he had before this and knew that it was barely considered as machinery.

“Maker, how am I going to make it four days on this ship with him?” You shake your head as you prepare to go to bed. The twin suns were just setting on Tatooine when you were leaving and you knew it was better to get as much sleep in as possible considering how quickly things sometimes escalated on these kinds of runs.

Surprisingly, things weren’t too bad when you left your sleeping cot the following day. The Mandalorian was already awake and cleaning his weapons. You bid him a quick good morning as you moved past him and looked for some snacks. He didn’t seem like he wanted to converse with you so you opted to stay in your room for the remainder of your waking hours. A voice in your head told you to keep the door open in case he did want to chat eventually but as you thought, he never once disturbed you.

The second day on the ship was perhaps slightly more eventful. Although he continued to pass his time in silence, he did manage to ask you to help him fix something in the cockpit. You were shocked he requested your services with ease and said nothing as he stood aside and watched you tinker away with the radar display screen. He thanked you twice when you finished and told you that he’d let you know if he needed your help with anything else.

The third day, however, made you wish you could open the docking doors and throw yourself out in space. You hadn’t seen him all morning long and you thought it was probably because he wanted some privacy in the cockpit. By the middle of the day, you jumped out of your cot and grabbed some spare clothes as you headed to the refresher, wanting to shower once before you landed on the sand-filled planet the following. As you walked to the door and pushed the button, you were met with a heavy fog escaping the room. When the fog cleared, you dropped your clothes and slammed your hands on your eyes, immediately backing away from the room as the Mandalorian scrambled to wrap something around his waist. You weren’t sure how many times you apologized in the span of one minute but when you heard the familiar sound of a blaster turning on, you stood in silence and waited for him to say something.

“Pfassk, do you have no kriffing regard for privacy?” He growled through the vocoder and you shook your head to try and explain to him that you saw nothing but his back.

“I- maker, I’m so sorry. I swear on my life I didn’t see anything except your back. I didn’t know you were in there...I really didn’t or else I wouldn't have gone in.” You sigh in relief when you hear him murmur to himself as he sets down the blaster and shuffles around in search of his clothes.

“What do you mean you didn’t know I was in there? The red light was on, which usually means someone is in the fucking refresher using it.” Hearing him swear shouldn’t make you shiver and yet you do. When you notice that he’s gone still, you assume it’s safe to look at him again. Taking a deep breath, you turn around and lower your hands as you muster up the courage to try and explain to him why you couldn’t see the red light.

And boy was that a mistake. You regret removing your hands from your eyes as soon as you take a good look at him. Turns out, the beskar armor only made him look more intimidating. The man was large, made to be a hunter. He was broad-shouldered, muscular in all the right places and soft in others. You unintentionally frown when you see his bronze skin littered with scars of all shapes and sizes. Maker, the life he led was worse than you thought.

“I- uhh, I don’t...I couldn’t see it.” You hated how much your voice broke when you tried to explain yourself. As much as you wanted to blame it on being afraid of him, you knew it was less about the danger he exuded and more about the fact that you could see more of his skin than you thought you ever would.

“Excuse me?”

“I didn’t know it was red.” You knew none of what you were saying was making sense but this wasn’t exactly a situation that you thought you’d find yourself having to deal with, and with the Mandalorian of all people.

“Are you fucking with me?” He was less hostile than earlier but his words were still spoken aggressively. You couldn’t blame him really, especially when you knew how strict his religion was.

“N-no. I- my species doesn’t see color until- well, it doesn’t matter. My species doesn’t see color. We just see grays. I’m sorry...I should have asked before if there was anything I needed to learn about the ship that required me seeing colors. It escaped me. I’ll try to pay more attention...I promise you I saw nothing.” You take one last glance at the heaving, glistening body in front of you before you turn around and walk in your room. You shut the door behind you this time, knowing that he probably wanted some of his privacy back and that he would need to limit himself should you keep it open.

It’s not until a few hours later that you sit up when you hear a soft knock on your door. You stand up and push open the barrier, finding the Mandalorian standing in front of you with his helmet looking straight at your reluctant expression. You wait for him to say something and when he doesn’t, you raise your eyebrows and silently ask him if he needs anything.

“I didn’t know about your...I didn’t know. And I didn’t mean to scare you with the blaster either, it’s a reflex to- umm.” You nod at him and look down to see what he’s holding in his hands. “You left your clothes lying on the floor.” He pushes the fabric towards you and averts his eyes when he sees your undergarments peaking through the shirt. You thank him as you set them down on your bag and look into his visor again.

“Ad'ika?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry.” The whispered exclamation does little to calm your nerves and you’re not sure what to say to him so you nod and awkwardly smile into the shiny beskar helmet. The Mandalorian murmurs a quick ‘good night’ before he makes his way to the cockpit, leaving you as confused as ever.

You don’t get an ounce of sleep that night, the image of him in nothing but a helmet and some flimsy pants making you wish he had shot you with his blaster instead. You refuse to admit the rising emotions you’re beginning to feel towards him, mostly because it didn’t matter whether or not he reciprocated them.

You still couldn’t see color.

He wasn’t your soulmate.

You’re afraid to leave the room the next morning, not sure which version of the Mandalorian you were going to have to deal with. It turns out, there was nothing to worry about because not surprisingly, you got the quiet, slightly shy man chatting with you. He pretends nothing happened the previous day and you go along with it. You’re just about to enter the atmosphere of Iktotchon when you receive a hologram from Fett telling the two of you of the sandstorm passing through the meeting point.

As you buckle into the seat behind the Mandalorian, he takes a moment to turn around and call for you.

“There’s going to be turbulence.”

“I- I know.” You barely hold back from furrowing your eyebrows at his comment but then he turns around to face you completely and you narrow your eyes at him with suspicion.

“I’ve landed on worse planets.” It takes you a few extra seconds to realize what he’s attempting to do and you can’t help but laugh and break the moment. You quiet down when he turns around and begins to descend to the planet.

“Are you worried about little old me Mandalorian?” You try to distract yourself from the sudden, harsh shaking of the ship but the teasing does little to calm your nerves when you realize that the sandstorm was as bad as Fett made it sound. You shut your eyes and try to picture the calm nights you’re so used to on Tatooine.

“You know, you can just call me Mando.” His voice breaks you out of your haze and you growl in response when you hear a few sounds go off above you.

“No, I- I can’t call you that. I reserved it for the other guy already!”

“You mean the Mandalorian who already told you his name?” He claps back and chuckles when you sigh in irritation at his question.

“Fine okay you’re right. How about this? Can you land this fucking ship without killing the two of us Mando?” You’re screaming at the top of your lungs and grasp the belt around your torso harder when you don’t hear back from him.

“Mando?”

“You mean the ship I already landed ad’ika?” Your eyes shoot wide open and you look around frantically, only to see that most of the turbulence you experienced was due to the sand and gravel hitting the metal of the ship.

“Oh...that was- not as bad as I thought it would be.”

“Anything beats Maldo Kreis.” Mando says as he stands there across from you and the slight tilt of his helmet at your confused expression makes you realize he may not have meant to say that out loud.

“We need to go. The storm will only get worse if we wait until night.” You nod in agreement and follow him out of the cockpit to the docking station. Mando instantly regrets lowering the docking ramp when he sees gravel quickly entering the ship. You run to your room to grab the helmet you brought with you and lock it in as you return to help him with the crates.

It’s a difficult few hours on the planet, and you grow more irritated when the Ikotchi threatens you with less supply exchanges. When his demeanor suddenly changes and he asks you to take the crates and leave, you thank him and quickly take the crates up the ramp with Fennec before he changes his mind. You never once notice both Mandalorians as they subtly push their blasters back into their holsters.

You’re leaving Iktotchon later than you prefer, mostly because both bounty hunters find themselves in a heated argument that Fennec has to end not-so-gently. You don’t bother asking Mando what the issue was when you see him strutting into the cockpit, quickly strapping yourself in when he glances at you to make sure you’re safe.

It’s a rough take off for both his ship and Slave I, but you say nothing of it, knowing that he might not appreciate any light teasing at the moment. Once you’re out of the planet’s atmosphere, Mando puts in the coordinates for Pasaana and sends a hologram to Fett, letting him know that you would be reaching the planet in less than a day.

You want to ask him if you could help in any way but you decide against it and leave him to his thoughts. You want nothing more than to take a long, hot shower to rid yourself of all the sand that managed to seep into your clothes. But then you notice the state of the docking area and before you can talk yourself out of it, you look around for anything that resembles a sweeper and clean as much of the floor as you can. You’re thankful that Mando doesn’t leave the cockpit and when you’re done, you go back into your room to grab a change of clothes so you could use the refresher.

You think you hear Mando passing by your room but you say nothing and make your way to the refresher, halting in your steps when you look at the light and find it turned off.

Great.

“Mando? Are you in there?” You’re not sure if he can hear you or not so you try to ask him again a little louder.

“Mando!? Are you i-”

“No.” You jump as soon as you hear him respond from behind you. Turning around, you clutch at your chest when you see him standing in front of his door without the beskar armor.

“I- uhh, t-there’s no light. And I wasn’t sure what that meant really.” You’re ringing your fingers again, and hope that he doesn’t notice just how nervous you are in his presence.

“Well I- I rewired the electrical circuits of the refresher so you know when it’s occupied and when it isn’t. If the light is on, it means I’m in there, and if it isn’t, then it’s free for use. No more colores.”

You look at him as if he took off his helmet, trying to wrap your mind around the fact that he went out of his way to accommodate you when you’re only on his ship for another few days.

“Thank you,” is all you manage to say before you push the door and scramble in. Mando looks at the door for another few minutes before he remembers that he hasn’t eaten in a while. He cooks up a meal for two quickly and eats his share before you finish your shower. When he hears you walking out, he sits in his usual corner and brings out his weapons to polish them.

You smell food as soon as you walk out of the refresher and you throw your clothes on your cot before you make your way to the large space across the hallway. You’re about to ask Mando about the food situation when you see a plate opposite of him on the table.

“It’s yours.” Mando breaks the silence as he wipes in between the crevasses of his blaster, nodding towards the space in front of him to let you know that you could join him,

“Thank you Mando.”

Neither of you say anything as you inhale your dinner and it’s not until you’ve washed your plates and set them aside that Mando decides to break the silence.

“Can I ask you something?”

“S-sure.” You think he’s going to ask you what it’s like to not see colors and to only see gradations of gray but his question catches you off guard.

“When can your species see color?” If you were uncomfortable by his question, you did a good job hiding it from him. Mando watches as you push off the wall and return to sit in front of him, lazily pushing around the towel he was holding as you answer him.

“This might sound stupid and I’m usually told that it’s not real but I’ve seen those of my kind experience the second they could see color so I know it’s not just a fable we’re told when we’re young. Basically, we see color when we meet our soulmates.” Mando’s heart breaks when you throw him a forced smile, one he’s seen a million times looking back at him in the mirror.

“Your soulmate?”

“Yup, the person I’m destined to be with. My other half. The one that will belong to me and I to him.” Mando nods along with you as he stands up and hangs up his weapons one by one.

“I know what you’re thinking. What’s someone like me going to do at the Festival of the Ancestors? Honestly, I think it’ll be fun to attend it whether or not I can see the colors. It’s a rich culture so I’m sure I’ll enjoy it either way.”

“I can always walk around with you and describe to you the colors, t-the patterns even. If...if you want.” His suggestion throws you off guard and as earlier, you gape at him as you try to figure out what he was playing at. You think he’s pulling your leg and will laugh at you at any moment, but when he doesn’t, you realize that he’s being dead serious.

“That would be nice Mando. I might not see the colors but I could always imagine what they look like next to each other.”

And just like that, the conversation is over as quickly as it begins.

“Good night mesh’la.” Mando murmurs as he makes his way to his quarters, leaving you more hopeful than you’ve felt in a long while.

It’s a weird thing to admit but for the first time in years, you don’t go to sleep wishing you could wake up and see colors. No. You doze off wondering what it would feel like to hold his hand and maybe, just maybe, kiss it. You think of how soft his untouched skin must feel like and how calloused his scarred muscles would look.

When you dream that night, you see faint images of his lips caressing yours and his firm arms bringing you into his embrace.

And you wake up with a lazy smile etched on your face because those dreams, those sweet, lovely memories your brain conjured up during the night, felt as good as seeing color.

You can’t look at him for the duration of the morning, constantly pretending that you’re doing something or other so he doesn’t think you’re avoiding him because the last thing you wanted was to make him think you didn’t want to talk to him. But you just can’t find it in yourself to look into his visor. Every time you so much as glance at the beskar helmet, you remember what your subconscious conjured up and you stutter out a response to whatever he says.

Not surprisingly, Mando notices the shift in your behavior and he waits until you finish fixing the crates’ locks, which were clearly not broken, before he approaches you.

“Mesh’la.”

“Yes Mando?” You’re still not looking at him and Mando starts to genuinely believe that he’s done something wrong. When you try to walk past him to place the tool back in your room, Mando reaches out and takes hold of your wrist before you’re out of reach. You look at his gloved hand wrapped around your skin before you meet his eyes past his visor and Mando holds his breath because for a moment, he thinks you can see straight through him.

“You’re angry with me.”

You never realize until this moment that Mando tends to ask most of his questions in the form of a statement and it’s strange. It’s strange because it never occurred to you that he’s the type to perhaps jump to conclusions when he can’t read the situation. Setting the tool box down, you stand up and fix your shirt as you muster up the courage to respond to him.

“I’m not. I’m not angry with you. I’m- it’s...difficult to explain.” His hold loosens but he’s standing in your space and you think it’s because he’s not totally convinced by your answer and won’t let it go until you give him a proper explanation for the sudden change in your treatment.

“It’s difficult to explain why you’re not angry with me.”

There it goes again, that weird phrasing of his inner thoughts. You huff in irritation and Mando misunderstands your annoyed expression so he steps away and turns to look everywhere else but you.

“No, Mando...maker- yes it’s difficult to explain because you’re- no, not you. It’s not your fault it’s mine. I’m just not used to- gods why is this so hard?” You’re visibly stressed and it must be a sight because Mando comes back to stand in front of you and he rests one hand on your shoulder, waiting until you turn to look at him before he tries to break the anxiety-inducing silence.

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I- I shouldn’t have offered to walk through the festival with you. I should have thought of how uncomfortable you’d feel before I selfishly asked t-” You perk up at his choice in words and you’re about to ask him what he meant by what he said but he doesn’t give you a chance. “Please believe me when I tell you I only wanted to...I thought it might help.”

“You see, this is exactly why I’m avoiding you.” You’re not sure who’s more surprised by your little outburst but when his hold tightens around your shoulder, you think maybe it’s him.

“So you are avoiding me.”

“Yes okay? I am, I’m avoiding you because the last few days felt like a whiplash of emotions and I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. One minute you’re angry and quiet and it’s as if I’m not in the same space as you, and the next thing I know, you’re rewiring your damn ship so I know how to use it and then offering to pretty much waste your time during one of the most beautiful festivals in the galaxy just to make sure I’m enjoying myself. And...and it’s difficult because I feel myself falling but I don’t want to because I’m afraid...I’m afraid you won’t be there to catch me...because you don’t have to. Because why would you when-”

You’re not sure how you got to this moment but all you know is that you're’ suddenly surrounded by Mando and the cold beskar armor and his natural musk and this unique woodsy scent and it’s-

It’s breathtaking.

“Cyar’ika, I didn’t know...I didn’t know I was causing you this much distress. It’s difficult for me to- to speak my he- to speak at times. I wasn’t thinking of how I’m coming off and I was so busy trying to figure out my- my own feelings...that I didn’t stop and think of what you must be going through.” His voice is low and you think perhaps that it’s breaking with every word he whispers through the vocoder, so you do the only thing you think of at the moment. Reluctantly, you wrap as much of your arms around him as physically possible, hoping he’d understand that you were listening to him and no longer trying to ignore him.

“Mando-”

“I- I volunteered for this supply run.” You’re not sure how this relates to this current affair but you sink further into his embrace, hoping that he wouldn’t shy away from explaining why he’s bringing this up now.

“I know. Fett told me.”

“Did he tell you why?” Mando replies instantly and you furrow your eyebrows even though you know he can’t see you.

“N-no.”

“I- I couldn’t stop thinking of you. Ever since the last time I saw you, I’ve been at war with myself, with what I was allowing to happen. I knew you weren’t to blame with the cauterizer but I couldn’t accept my heart letting you...maker, I can see why you said this is difficult.” He chuckles nervously and you hold your breath in anticipation because he isn’t, he can’t be admitting what you think he is.

“W-what’re you saying Mando?”

“I’m saying I need you cyar’ika. I’m saying, I’ve been dreaming of you for the past 53 sleeping cycles. I’m saying, I can’t bear the thought of not seeing you after Pasaana.” You don’t realize how long you’ve been holding your breath until you exhale against him and Mando pulls away, keeping his helmet aimed to the floor as he continues. “And if- if you can give me a chance, I’d like to- I’d like to...well, I’m not exactly sure what you enjoy doing but I’d like to do it with you. You don't have to give me an answer now. I know I’m being selfish and I know that I- I don’t belong with you because you haven't seen color yet. But please, please consider this. Consider me.” His voice is much more reserved, lower even, than before and you realize it’s because he was probably considering not telling you up until now.

Your heart breaks at his last words because this was never something you thought you’d have to deal with. But looking back at the last few days, no matter how confusing or strange they were, you can’t help but admit how alive you’ve felt.

You know he doesn’t expect you to answer him right away and you know you should take some time to think over what he’s asking of you.

So when you lay both of your hands on his chest and ask him to look at you, Mando thinks you’re going to reject him and you feel his muscles tense when you step closer to him.

“I do...I- I am considering this Mando, I have been for the past few nights if I’m being honest...it’s actually part of the reason why I couldn’t look at you today. I woke up with this unusual thought, well, unusual to me. It’s been so long since I stopped thinking about seeing color and directed all of my attention to something, or rather, someone else.” You smile up into the visor and slowly reach to rest your hand on the space between his helmet and his cowl. The mere touch of your skin shakes him to his core and Mando has to clench his fists so he doesn’t lose control over himself.

“Today was the first time I woke up not caring if I hadn’t seen color because- because being with you, and- and talking with you and staying on this ship with you felt like I’ve already seen color. I don’t know what’s going to happen when I do...if I do, but I know that I’d like to give this, us, a shot.”

“You...you do mesh’la?” He almost sounds like a young child asking his parents for permission to have something and when you nod at him, Mando can’t hold back anymore. He wraps his arms around you once more, and carries you off the ground, smiling to himself when he hears you giggling at his dramatic display of affection.

He pulls away and you think he’s about to say something but a message comes through to the ship and Mando apologizes quickly before he ascends to the cockpit. You stay planted in your spot for what feels like hours before you hear Mando telling you that you’re nearing Pasaana. When you get to the cockpit and take your usual seat, Mando rises from his chair and approaches you, kneeling down at your feet to buckle your belt easier and ensure that you’re safe. It’s a small gesture but you know he’s conveying a thousand emotions in that little tap to make sure that you’re buckled in properly and when you smile at him, he reaches over and pushes a stray hair behind your ears before he returns to his pilot chair.

You don’t feel the turbulence once, mostly because you’re too busy replaying the brief moment over and over again in your mind until you’re sure you’ve committed it to memory.

Mando has to tap on your shoulder twice once he lands, and you nod in affirmation when he asks if you were feeling alright. The two of you make your way out of the ship just as Slave I lands. When you glance at Mando to ask him about the argument between him and Fett, you find him already staring at you. You smile at him and watch as he looks away apologetically. Maybe he really was as nervous as you.

“You’re coming along then?” Fett says to Mando as you make your way towards the desert and you pretend to focus on the dozens of kites flying in the air, unsure whether you were meant to be a part of this conversation or not.

Mando replies in Mando’a and you look to Fennec to ask her something about the kites to try and ignore the two men who may or may not have been talking about you. You’re about to ask Fennec about the colors of the flying toys when Mando steps in between the two of you and takes hold of your upper arm, pushing you ahead of the others so he could get a private moment with you.

“Is- are you okay?”

“Fine. He’s being difficult.” His curt answer lets you know that he wasn’t going to reveal what that whole ordeal was about so you nod and try to fall in step with him. You’re about to ask him about the colors of the kites when Mando leans over and whispers in your ears.

“Those two over there are red, like the color of the twin suns on Tatooine when they’re just setting. And, that one over there, the large one flying higher than the rest, it’s a dark blue...like the night sky.” You try to not let the proximity of his body affect you but the more he tells you of the colors, the closer you want him to get to you.

“That smaller one is light green, like many of the plants on Felucia.”

“I’ve never been to Felucia.” You admit to him as you keep your gaze on the kites, trying to differentiate between the colors but barely noticing a difference between the grays.

“I can take you there.” He offers with ease and you look into the visor and smile at him. “I’d like that.”

You can vaguely feel their eyes on you but you don’t bother to pay attention to them, wanting to spend as much time with Mando as you could. Once you reach the edge of the festival, you thank the Aki-Aki that approach you and wrap a necklace of flowers around you. You laugh when they reluctantly look at Mando and he sighs heavily at your death stare before he leans down and allows one of them to place a necklace around his cowl as well.

“Hey Mando?”

“Hmm.”

“Do the necklaces look the same?” Mando turns around and sees Fett and Fennec look away from the two of you. He waits until they walk the opposite direction before he looks at you and takes hold of your necklace.

“Yours have lighter colors...yellow, orange, white, pink and a few light greens here and there. Mine is darker. This is purple, and these are blue...and all of these are dark red and brown.” He points to each of the flowers and tells you its color, never once noticing the way you’re looking at him and hanging onto every single word he says.

When you hear the sound of distant music playing, you take Mando’s hand and make your way through the crowd, telling him that you want to see what they’re doing on the other side of the festival. Mando says nothing as you pull him through, only responding when you directly ask him about the color of the caravan fabrics and laughing when you joke about how he technically blends into the surroundings. And when you come across a large crate that you can vaguely see some designs on, Mando offers to make room for it on his ship so you can get it. It’s a long argument between the two of you but he wins in the end, telling you that he genuinely wanted to gift you something that you can remember him with and might enjoy some day. You almost cry at the unspoken implications of his words but when he shrugs his shoulders and hands over the credits, you quietly thank him and let the seller know that you’ll be taking it before you leave.

Over the next few hours, Mando never leaves your side once, even when you tell him that he should enjoy his time as well. You notice how he changes the subject every time you ask him to explore by himself and giggle when he responds with an opinion on some of the color combinations. It’s quite comical to be in the presence of such an intimidating individual who’s complaining about how ‘that blue doesn’t go too well with this red.’

As you’re making your way through the different caravans, you notice a table displaying a dozen large cloaks. Turning to Mando, you see that he’s busy asking one of the sellers if they have similar shirts but in darker colors. You walk to the table on the other side and look through the capes to try and differentiate between them. When you realize that it’s of no use, you hold one up and call for him to ask if he should buy a new one.

“Hey Mando, maybe you should get this instead of-”

The question dies in your throat when Mando glances away from the vendor and holds your gaze. Your brain refuses to catch up with what your eyes are seeing for what feels like an eternity and your hand flies to your chest and clench it tightly as your heart skips a beat at the sight in front of you. It takes a few seconds for you to inhale deeply when you realize that you aren’t breathing and you feel your heart skip a beat when you watch Mando strut towards you. He drops what he’s holding in his hands and takes a few strides in your way, not caring to hold back as he wraps one arm around your waist while the other rests on your neck and tilts your head so he could take a better look at you. You still can’t wrap your mind around what just happened and you’re not sure what he’s saying until he lightly shakes you in his arms and raises his voice to grab your attention.

Maker, his voice was unlike anything you’ve ever heard. It was hoarse yet calming, the kind of calming that one could only dream of feeling.

“Mesh’la, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” His voice shakes you to your core and your eyes shift down to his lips, tilting your head to the side when you follow the scruff peppering his handsome features and memorize the different colors of his hair. Gods, you couldn’t put a name to any of them but you knew you liked the combination of the light and dark outlining his sharp jaw.

“I- I don’t...maker. You’re...you’re-” You’re unable to form a coherent thought and as you reach out to touch his cheeks, Mando clenches his jaw but doesn’t dare to move a muscle. He realizes that this is the first time you see him without his helmet and he finds himself praying that you find him, at the very least, okay to look at. His hold on you eases when he feels the palm of your hand caress the side of his face before you push his hair aside. Mando nuzzles into your touch and he shuts his eyes to commit this moment to memory. The last time someone was this gentle with him broke his heart, but he found himself longing for a similar feeling with you. Only if it was you.

“N-no...please. Look at me.” Your whispered request drowns out the music of the festival and Mando’s eyes flutter open immediately. He looks down at you and can’t help but shift his focus to your parted lips as you try to speak again.

“Mando? What...what color are your eyes?” You hold your breath as Mando’s gaze softens when he meets your eyes again. He doesn’t know why you’re asking but he answers you anyway.

“Brown.” His voice breaks but then you’re smiling up at him as you reach for his cheek with your other hand and rest it on his heated skin. He’s not sure what brought about any of this but he can’t care less, not when you were here, in his arms, touching him so gently and looking at him like he was the only one that mattered across the galaxy.

“Hmm...they’re a beautiful color.” The admission sends a shiver down his spine and he doesn’t register the meaning behind your words until he sees your expression change to one of panicked shock.

Oh.

“You can see color?” Mando doesn’t intend to sound so accusative but his tone must have been harsh because you nod and snatch your hands away from him as if he’s burned you. You don’t dare look anywhere else as the reality of the situation settles in your mind.

It’s him. It’s been him all along.

“I- I can see color.”

Mando watches as you blink in confusion before you look to the side. You do a double-take when you see the vibrant colors of the festival and Mando steps away as you walk around him and approach a caravan hanging clothing of all color gradations. You ignore everything else as you softly trace the different colors and patterns on the garments before you walk over to the next little cart and stare at the vibrant jewelry. There’s so much to take in and you forget for a moment where you are. When you look away and turn your eyes to the sky, you can’t help but smile at seeing the kites gliding through the air. You don’t know which one you want to focus on because they’re all so pretty so you stand in there for a few moments to take it all in.

It’s not until you feel a presence next to you that you remember how you came to see this new world. When you begin to ring your fingers anxiously, Mando takes a step towards you and takes your hands in his palms.

“Cyar’ika, do you need anything?” He doesn’t know what to say and your lungs refuse to expand when you finally look at him again.

You spent years conjuring up different scenarios in your head to try and anticipate what to expect when you finally meet your soulmate. But standing here, in front of Mando, in the middle of the Festival of the Ancestors, you realize that this compares to nothing.

“I- I don’t…”

“If you want me to go-”

“No! N-no, please. Stay here with me. Stay here with...me.” Y

ou tighten your hold around his hands to prevent him from leaving. Mando nods and turns back to the caravan he was standing by to grab his helmet. You say nothing as he carries it and looks at you, but your eyes must give you away because Mando throws you a quick smile as he keeps it on his side and leads you through the festival.

Neither of you discuss the new development but you don’t ignore it either. You continue to steal glances from each other every now and then, especially when Mando leans over and tells you about each of the colors. Except this time, he doesn’t tell you so you could imagine what they look like. He tells you so you could memorize what each pigment is and begin to recognize them on your own. It’s almost as if nothing changed with how often Mando describes to you the gradations and patterns, but you know that this was far from the truth. And with the way Mando breathes softly against your forehead when he leans down to talk to you, you sense that he knows this as well.

He’s much more forward with his touches now, perhaps even a little shameless too. Hours ago, he would apologize if he pushed you by accident or shifted closer to you. But now, he was walking with you with one hand on your lower back and he would stand longer behind you as you asked about a new color shade.

As the sun slowly sets across the sky, you turn to Mando and wait for him to finish his drink before you ask him about the others.

“Do you mind if we don’t tell the others just yet?” You watch as Mando’s expression falls and you shake your head immediately so he doesn’t misunderstand the reason behind your request.

“Not because I don’t want them to know about us, I- maker, it’s just that I’ve experienced so many changes in the span of a few days and I want to make sense of things without...without someone asking me too many questions about what I’m feeling. I want to let this sink in? And- and I’d like it if it’s just you and me. Please.” Mando is quiet for a while and you think that maybe it was the wrong thing to say to him.

“Us?”

You can’t hold back your laughter at the soft question and you almost fall over from how hard you’re giggling at him.

“That’s what you took away from everything I just said?” You sigh in relief when he mirrors you and chuckles in return.

“I’m sorry cyar’ika, I- of course. Whatever you need from me.” He’s a man of few words but he somehow knows what to say to calm your nerves.

“Thank you Mando.” You say as you turn your attention back to the setting sun to watch the colors change across the sky.

“Din Djarin.” He whispers to you after a long while, and you meet his eyes briefly, your furrowed eyebrows silently asking him what he was referring to.

“My name is Din Djarin.” His gaze is piercing and you find it much more intense now that you know for a fact that they’re your favorite color. “So you can start calling the other guy Mando again.” Your heart skips a beat when you see dimples appear on his cheeks as he grins at his own joke, and nudges your shoulder so you could relax into him again. You say nothing and lean against his shoulder, resting your head on his beskar armor and enjoying the cold sensation against your heated skin.

You’re not sure how long the two of you sit there in your bubble and watch the festival as it continues on for, but you’re interrupted when Fett approaches you and clears his throat to catch your attention.

“We’re leaving.” The Mandalorian says as he watches you closely. You think you’re being subtle studying his armor but Fett notices how you continue to look between him and Din’s and he tilts his head to the side as he turns to his friend and barely holds back from smirking at him.

Din nods and lets them know that you would be returning with him back to Mos Eisley. Fennec is about to ask why the two of you are acting differently when Fett shakes his head as he looks at you.

“Until next time princess,” Din’s posture straightens when he hears the nickname and narrows his eyes at the man trying to get a rise out of him.

“Usenye.” You snap out of your haze when you hear Din growl at his brother and wave goodbye to him and Fennec as they walk away from you.

“Is everything okay between the two of you?”

“Yes sweet girl, don’t worry about it.” You flush at the pet name and Din notices how you shiver at his touch when he raises your chin to take a better look at you. He slowly leans towards you, never once breaking eye contact as he grows closer to your lips. “Is- is this okay?” He asks and refuses to move a muscle until you respond to him. You’re already breathless and he has barely touched you but you muster up the courage to answer him.

“Y-yes.”

He smirks when your hoarse voice fans over his cheeks and as much as you wish for him to take whatever he wants, you’re thankful that he’s being patient with you and ensuring that you’re comfortable.

“Sweet girl,” Din whispers as he finally captures your lips in a chaste kiss. It’s at this precise moment that the festivities begin to pick up but you don’t notice the fireworks filling the skies or the music growing louder. You shut your eyes and hold onto Din’s wrists as he moves against you and deepens the kiss. When you gasp at his ministrations, Din’s hold on your neck tightens and he pushes you back until you lay on the blanket he set down for you. You moan as he slips his tongue past your lips and swirls his tongue across yours. Fisting your hands into his cowl, you try to pull him closer but cry out in pain when the beskar armor digs into your hips.

“I’m- I’m sorry mesh’la. I didn’t mean to-”

“No no it’s...it’s just your armor. I promise, I- I liked this.” You gulp nervously when you see an amused expression take over his handsome features.

“Is that so?” You don’t have time to react to his question, squealing in surprise when he suddenly stands up and pulls you along with him.

“What- where are we going?” You ask him as he pulls you through the multitude of visitors and Aki-Aki. He stops abruptly and speaks to one of the natives before he pushes you into the caravan standing behind him.

“Din, we can’t just-”

“I asked for his permission. Don’t you know, all of these are for visitors who want to stay the night.” You’re about to ask him why you’re staying the night out here instead of his ship but you can’t seem to form the question because you see Din taking his armor off.

It’s mesmerizing watching him take each beskar piece apart but when he’s down to just his clothes, it occurs to you that this night might be going somewhere else. Your nervousness must show on your face because Din walks towards you slowly and takes your hands in his. He kisses your wrists before leans over and rests his forehead against yours.

“Don’t worry cyar’ika, I’m not… I won’t- we’re not here to do anything other than talk. I didn’t feel comfortable taking my beskar off out there so-”

“I trust you Din.” You interrupt his word-vomit and lead him to one of the corners of the tent so you could lay down next to each other. When you rest your head on the pillow and finally look up, you’re met with a small opening in the ceiling of the caravan that gives you a perfect view of the blue night sky lighting up with fireworks.

When Din finally seats himself next to you, you whine in irritation and pull him down until he’s on his back next to you. Din never once lets go of your hand and he occasionally raises the palm of your hand to his lips to kiss across the skin.

“Can I ask you something?” You don’t look away from the fireworks when you speak, not wanting to miss seeing any of the vibrant shades of reds and yellows as they broke through the clouds.

“Anything sweet girl.”

“Why did you take off your helmet? I thought your Creed prevented you from showing your face.” You hope the question isn’t too insensitive or private, and when Din takes longer than you like to respond, you finally turn to him to apologize. But Din cuts you off before you can even say anything, keeping his focus on your wrist to distract him long enough so he could respond.

“I had a son once, well, he wasn’t mine physically but, he was mine. He was a foundling by Creed and I was tasked with bringing him back to his kind. It’s a long story that I could tell you another time but...when I had to give him up, I couldn’t bear the thought of him never seeing me without the helmet. I needed him to see me, to know what I willingly gave up and what I had to do to ensure his safety. I’d taken off my helmet once before and even thought it was my choice, I didn’t want to. But in that moment, before I watched him go, I decided that he was more important than my Creed. He was...he was everything to me. And it took a long time to realize that personal connections and relationships weren’t a weakness, they were a strength. My strength.” You’re not sure when you turned to your side and nuzzled into his embrace. But you couldn’t focus on anything else but him and the way his eyes twinkled in sadness when he mentioned his kid. It was a shocking admission and you never once thought of him in such a role but looking back at the last few days, you didn’t find it impossible. He was kind, quiet, sweet, adn patient.

“I keep my helmet on almost all the time but I only take it off around people I trust. I’m telling you this because- because I trust you. I trust you cyar’ika. I took it off earlier today because I wanted you to see me...and also because I was trying to pick out a gift for you. I figured if I didn’t preface it with anything that it would be less dramatic but- little did I know.” The indirect mention of the not-so-little change you experienced earlier today makes you smile.

“If I knew you needed to look into my eyes for you to see color, I would have taken off the helmet the first time I saw you.” He trails his nose across your cheek before he kisses your eyes and your forehead, smiling down at you when he sees how relaxed you feel in his arms.

“It wouldn’t have mattered.” Your response surprises him and he pulls away and looks at you quizzically.

“I- I saw you before my eyes saw you, Din. My heart chose you before my soul did. I...I think I knew when I saw you again…I think a part of me knew that you were it for me and that it didn’t matter if I didn’t see color with you because- because you were...you’re perfect.” You feel a weight lift off of your chest when you finally confess to him what you’ve been feeling for the past few days and you shift impossibly closer to him to let him know that you were telling the truth.

“I’m not perfect mesh’la.” His laugh is self-deprecating and he only stops when he feels your hand slip around his back and hold onto his shirt like your life depended on it.

“You are to me.” It’s perhaps too forward for him and Din doesn’t know how to react or respond to your confession so he nods at you and nuzzles into your neck to avoid any more of your intense emotions.

“You haven’t told me yet what your favorite color is.” He tries to change the topic, not expecting your response to shoot through his chest and into his heart like a blaster.

“Brown obviously.” You answer instantly and without hesitation.

“Why ‘obviously’?”

“Well, it’s-it’s your eye-color Din. What other color could be my favorite?”

His heart ceases to beat at your adamant reply and he pulls away again to look into your eyes to see if you were teasing him. Instead, he finds something swimming in your eyes that would have terrified his soul had he met you years ago.

“Ner kar’ta,” Din moans into your ear as he rests up on his elbow before molding his lips with yours again. You don't know what any of the Mando’a means but you have a pretty good idea of what he’s trying to convey in that moment and you wrap your arms around his neck and bring him closer to you. When he lays back down and pulls you into his side, you can’t help but take one last look at the night sky, finding the stars shimmering behind the multitude of fireworks. You watch the different colors blend with each other, and you almost cry when you see the yellows and greens and blues mixing so beautifully together to create new gradients across the galaxy.

But none of them compared to the color of Din’s eyes. And you go to sleep dreaming of the moment those kind, dark, brown orbs captured your soul and whispered affections into your heart.

Translations

Mesh’la - beautiful Cyar’ika - beloved/darling Ad’ika - little one Usenye - go away Ner kar’ta - my heart

Pedro Pascal (and any of his characters):

@pastel-0-princess @feelmyroarrrr @libbymouse @its--fandom--darling @spideysimpossiblegirl @princess76179 @cheekygeek05 @miraclesoflove @purple-mango @freeshavocadoooo @metalarmsandmanbuns @acthenerd @greeneyedblondie44 @cannedsoupsucks @purplepascal042 @talesfromtheguild @f0rever15elf @vibin-hippie @onesmokinbabe @leaiorganas @words-way-of-life @kideyz @lovesickmadsadpoet @niall7inches @rosiefridayrogersunday @tati-adventures @sleep-tight1 @itsfreeekinbats @cybergroupie @vibin-hippie @marsplsstop @mouthymandalorian @diogodxlot @janebby @juletheghoul

Din Djarin: @a--1--1--3 @tanzthompson

#din djarin x reader #din djarin/reader #din djarin fluff #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian/reader #the mandalorian fanfiction #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin #the mandalorian #pedro pascal #soulmate au

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