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RONIN DEFENSE MODE V1
Yet another sprite, this one being a Paladin class, made to defend the user or even attack other programs.
Posted using PostyBirb
#mechanical_head#robotic#humanoid#sci_fi#sfw_art#shadowrun#cyberpunk#digital_art#shadowrun art#TTRPG OC#TTRPG Art#Art#Artist_on_tumblr#Artist on tumblr#sfw art#small artist#God putting all these tags in is boring#I know I need to if I want to get my stuff noticed by a wider audience#but it still suuuuuucks#I'd rather talk in the tags#wait hang on#Drawing: Digital#OC: Takemi Moore ALIAS TAR#Setting: Shadowrun#Ok with all that#Does anybody know the specific style that like#I don't know how to describe#but it has that sort of nostalgic mid to late 2000s feel?#Like I get the same feeling watching the Ergo Proxy opening#which is weird since I never watched that when I was young
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Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.
Don't do their work for them.
#red rambles#viva palestina#antizionism#i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites#i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine#as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel#and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT.#i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel#both from the inside and out#and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad#that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice'#if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it.#like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally#are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are#being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now#if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the#fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar#safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to#discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees?#i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i#work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up.#there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue#and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.
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the real fearplay in vore is the fact that as a prey my JEANS are going to get WET. If you catch me screaming and going full fight in fight-or-flight mode, it's not because you're a terrifying pred, it's because my legs are halfway down your throat and my pants and socks are WET
#it is THE. WORST. SENSATION.#and all vore authors gloss over it#IMMERSION BREAKING#I'D RATHER DIE#extreme cuddling#safe vore#soft vore#idek what to tag this#prey problems#amiright#fearplay#vore talk#v0re#tw vore
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OnK Chapter 150
Honestly, the naive part of me wants to believe Aka is doing this in purpose, because this chapter alone highlighted like half the reasons why I find romantic!Aqua and Kana so poorly written lmao
Compare that to this:
The writing in Aqua's and Akane's is so much better it's unreal 😂
I'm so glad to have confirmation that Goro's regrets were appeased by knowing that Sarina is living her best life as Ruby. Goro acting like an over-protective dad and Aqua reaffirming that Ruby is his precious little sister were the highlights of the chapter for me. Figures that once Aka finally gives us some Aqua insight, he immediately makes it clear where Aqua stands in regards to Ruby lmao
Goro is often personified as the guilt and regrets Aqua carried into this new life, but he is much more than that.
He is an entire framework of thoughts, complexes and experiences right there at the center of the individual we have come to know as Aqua. He is the entire base Aqua is built on, because when he reincarnated, he was just Goro - albeit a Goro thrown into a completely different situation, and a completely different life.
Of course, the longer Goro lives as Aqua, the more Aqua he becomes. He has been developing a new framework of thoughts, complexes and experiences that are more befitting of his situation and based on his current life. This all results in the Aqua we've come to known.
Up to now, Aqua has been simultaneously existing as the man he once was and the young boy he has become. But the man he once was is now feeling at peace knowing that Sarina-chan has gotten a new chance at life, which leaves the young boy he has become with one less reason to cling to a painful past.
But things aren't that easy, as evidenced by the fact that even after being "freed" by his past guilt, Aqua still has his black stars. As Aqua, he has regrets, guilt and issues of his own to overcome.
But it isn't just the revenge and the guilt, really. This, for example, is a confusion that has followed Aqua into his new life:
Which takes me to...
It's so incredibly ironic that it's "Goro" of all people who brings up Kana 😭 I've mentioned before that Kana has a lot of parallels with Ai and Sarina, and I theorized this may be one of the reasons why Aqua seemed so drawn to her from the get-go. And now we have Goro himself, the one who originally admired all of those traits, saying that Aqua likes Kana. It's like clockwork, except the clock may be broken.
The reasons Goro cites are so shallow and superficial, too. Perfectly fitting for an Oshi or a teenage crush, but hard to think of as anything deeper than that (for me, at least).
Which is even more ironic, because we end the chapter with Kana declaring herself as "seriously in love" with Aqua, when she herself does nothing but describe him superficially 😭
Kana has been basically living a shoujo manga in her head and Aqua is her chosen Male Lead 😂 It's like that time she thought Aqua was "straight and sincere", or when she thought Akane was a "goody-two-shoes".
Meanwhile, Aqua and Akane:
Poor Kana is out of her depth in this manga, but maybe that's the point. Kana is perfectly normal and that's just what Aqua needs am I right?
Seriously though, that's why I've always said that to me it doesn't really matter if Aqua and Kana end up together, because their writing is just... not it 😭 It's always just one giant trope without any depth of substance. It's no coincidence that these last three chapters are filled with tropes and forced writing. That's the way this ship has always been written in my eyes, and that's why it does nothing for me regardless of whether it's intended to be canon or not 😭
Even this, for example:
Aqua confirming (yet again) that he has been aware of Kana's romantic feelings all along could back-up what I said here and here. But at the same time, this could just be part of something as simple and unsubtle as this:
It's like there are two wolves within Aka. One is great at subtlety and organic development, and the other completely sucks at it 😂
But enough about that, I'm sure Aka will give me plenty to complain about next chapter so I'll save it until then lmao
Hmmm where have I seen this before?
Oh, right!
Funny how Akane is magically not brought up this chapter. If we assume Aka is just writing obvious stuff without deeper meaning, then Akane isn't brought up because Aka considers Chapters 97 & 98 as their romantic closure. Or maybe all the theories about Aqua being a scumbag that only dated Akane because Kana wasn't available were right. But considering that would make Aqua trash not worth discussing, I can only hope Aka won't stoop that low lmao
If we give Aka the benefit of the doubt (does he even deserve it at this point tho), then Goro not bringing up Akane can be pretty fitting. Because if Aqua likes Akane, it wouldn't be because she fits the ideals and tastes of the man he once was. It would be because of everything they have been through together as Aqua and Akane.
Case in point, when Aqua thought of Kana and Akane back when he first thought he was free, he did so as fully himself. But I digress! 🤡
Another thing that caught my eye is that Aka deliberately changed the number of chapters in the previous volume just so these Aqua-Kana focused chapters can be in the same volume as the Aqua-Ruby focused ones. Ruby, who mainly loves Aqua because he once was Goro and Kana, who just loves Aqua. Maybe he's doing it to contrast them (in favor of Kana, duh), or maybe he wants to show they're two sides of the same infatuation coin. One can dream, at least!
Speaking about not nice though, what the fuck is this 😭 I know Akane is trying to push Kana's buttons, but baby girl is switching from I-only-see-him-as-a-son!! I swear!!! to Haha actually! so swiftly that she's going to give herself whiplash. Plus, can't Aka let Akane push Kana's buttons while saying less OOC stuff? Granted, it's not like Kana knows Akane well, so of course she doesn't think it's weird for Akane to say that she wants to be with a boy on Christmas lmao
Poor Akane has gotten her eyes shut so tightly close that it's a wonder she doesn't walk into walls. She's really acting like a robot on auto-pilot 😂 When in the world will you be allowed to have a chapter of your own, Akane? When will we be able to look into your heart?
#my aquakane meta#except not quite again buuuuuuut old habits die hard#me: aqua and kana#I can foresee I'll be using that tag a lot even though when I started discussing OnK I said I'd rather talk about the ship I ship#rather than about the ship I find boring#alas Aka is forcing the content sooo discuss the content I shall lmao#fandom: onk#the next few chapters will either make or break aqua's character tbh#say a few prayers for the poor dude to make it
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anyway I think it's an actual crime they cannot kiss in canon
#i ended up getting a few mods. nothing that edits the story but some interface stuff for stats#I also got the morgana real cat overworld talk portrait mod#that one is really important to me since i love morgana#.. also a shut up nav mod#ily morgana but if I have to tolerate futaba from now on I'd rather not hear her voice#on ng+ I might do the gay joker mod. goker.#or now maybe because *none* of the romancables interest me.#except maybe Ann! Ann is super likable.#anyway tag time#ren amamiya#morgana#ryuji sakamoto#persona 5#pegoryu#by proxy really
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Honestly the empathy sequence makes NMJ kinda strike me as an entitled/abusive parental figure. Maybe I'm just drawing paralels that aren't there, but:
Feeling entitled to JGY's time and attention? He interrupts his conversations with LXC (twice, I think), one of said times because he was eavesdropping on them AND got angry about JGY expressing fear to LXC IN PRIVATE
Not letting JGY explain himself/ not listening when he tries. At the point of the staircase scene NMJ has been poisoned to hell and back by baxia, but I do believe it's not just that. He sees his moral code as absolute certainty and his inflexible nature makes it that he doesn't take well to deviance from that. Aka has to get his way or gets Angry
I think NMJ was an absolute idiot to let JGY ppay clarity for hin after the staircase thing! That draws more into the paralel because abusive people often hurt others and then act like nothing happened, as if their target doesn't have the right to be upset (see again: qi deviating over JGY expressing fear to LXC). NMJ does this to a degree that paints him as almost oblivious imo
I actually do quite like NMJ but he's. So many shades of fucked up, Christ alive
i am going to proceed cautiously here for several reasons, but primarily because:
i have been drawn into the "is nmj an evil abuser" discourse once before on discord (in defence of da-ge, believe it or not) and i Did Not Enjoy It At All, Actually, and
while i think the behaviour described above absolutely qualifies as abusive, nmj's intentions also matter, and i don't think what nmj is trying to do can be boiled down to simply exerting coercive control over jgy. initially on the hejian front when he eavesdrops on meng yao and lan xichen, he wants to help him; the second time he eavesdrops, it's because he straight up views jgy as a threat, and decides to kill him because of it.
imo their dynamic is dysfunctional and toxic and is a powder keg set to explode essentially from the moment nmj sees meng yao killing the jin commander on the langya front, but i think calling it abusive is an over-simplification of what is going on between them.
that said, i do think there is a character in the novel canon who nmj repeatedly tries to exert coercive control over, who is fully and unquestionably under his authority and influence, and who he treats with wildly vacillating levels of either patience or explosive anger depending on the canon point, and that character is nie huaisang.
#asks answered#mdzs meta#i am not dropping this in any of the characer tags because i do not want to invite bad faith discourse on this subject#if you want to talk to me about this i'd prefer to handle it in the comments rather than through big reblog chains just fwiw#tl;dr i don't think it's useful to bring our ideas of what qualifies as abuse or abusiveness into the discourse#because i think it asks everyone involved to take a moral stance about one character vis-a-vis another one#e.g. trying to argue that nmj IS an abuser places his fans on the back foot automatically and makes them defensive#rather than inclined towards talking through how nmj's actions provoked jgy's reactions or vice versa#tl;dr the second#everyone in this fandom is going to bring their experiences with real people#like jgy and nmj into the discourse and it is absolutely going to give them a bias#in terms of which characters they are prone to viewing as abusive and which characters they're prone to viewing as victims#nobody is right and nobody is wrong for liking or stanning one or both or neither of them
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together in every universe. or something
#bojan cvjetićanin#kris guštin#joker out#im neglecting schoolwork to draw this but that seems like the norm at this point#hoping if i get it all out of my system now i'll be normal during exam szn (in like. a week 😨)#<<sorry if i keep talking about school btw (semi age reveal ahead) gcses are fucking killing me uuaghhgshhahhhaj#i actually quite like this since i started drawing on a whim this afternoon and its only ten now#i dont even mind the lineart (DONT LOOK AT BOJANS HAND OR ILL JUMP OUT A WINDOW)#only a one storey one tho 💗💗💗 can't die without seeing bokris irl <<pipe dream as im too embarrassed to go to a concert#NO because bumping into jo in london would be my worst fucking nightmare 😭😭😭#what do i even fucking say 'hey are you jan from jo--' NO id combust on the spot#and what if im bothering them uknow 😭😭 idk but i used to live in an asian city where none of my idols from the west would ever visit#(except safiya love you safiya) so keeping the real life person and fictiinalized versions apart in my brain and/or at arms length was easy#but now that i live in the uk and the chances of seeing them irl are non-zero? and presented with the chance to#actively seek them out and you know go to a concert#im just too scared and awkward to do it#maybe i'll bully my friend into going with me#i feel safer revealing age more in the fucking depths of these tags but another thing that makes me feel awkward about going is age#like ik lots of jo fans are younger than me and there's no shame at all in bringing your parents i just feel so embarrassed?? to???#like i'd rather go with my friends#but that would require at least us riding the train alone and i am a small east asian girl who never looks up from the floor ever#sooooo#not happening any time soon#maybe next yr?? but probably not#unless i suddenly get a lot more independant and cool#i doubt anyone's read this much of my tags but if you have 😭😭 hope you like the art i guess#at the time of me writing i want to draw more but i'll see#(you will know since it will have been posted)#a tag previously used to say 'queueing to post at school' this is false as i am now in fact nauseous at home#my art
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Going insane over this Makoann fic because I’m gay with big feelings sometimes
+bonus I always forget how awful it is to be Makoto in the first bit of the game. Girl can’t catch a break. EVERYONE be bullying her
#makoann#ann takamaki#makoto niijima#persona 5 royal#p5r#fanart#mine#my art#the fic is Makoto's pov and I can't believe how well the author nailed her voice#I'd KILL for Ann's side of this fic too#but I'd rather die than ask something so presumptuous of the author#so I'll just say it in my tags because this is my space#the pic with Ann having a crisis to Maruki didn't explicitly happen in the fic. but it was implied so I drew it anyways#I don't often indulge in fics about romance but when I do i go hard#sometimes you gotta put your Blorbos in a pringles can and shake them real hard before they realize they like girls#and then talk about those feelings#also consistent style? don't know her lol#it's fine this is just for fun for me#it does bother me a little#but YOU have to deal with it because it doesn't bother me enough to actually try to draw consistently lmao
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Honestly Peter/Roger should be way more of a ship imo. I know we barely got to see them interact in Dialtown but you cannot tell me Peter bringing up his wife was looking to spice things up in the bedroom or whatever wasn't a direct attempt to rizz him up that just completely flew over Roger's head (or maybe it didn't and Peter just chickened out. The possibilities are endless. I'm shaking you by the shoulders are you listening to me❓‼️)
#luly talks#dsaf#peter kennedy#roger jones#dialtown#i originally was making a different post just being vague rambling in the tags but then i hit post forgettign I'd hit post limit#and lost it 👎 so now im being straight forward and spewing my gospel 👍#but I'll say it the world of phoney on phoney is so unexplored#this one is so funny to me bc i also do ship jack and roger or rather acknowledge just how badly he wanted that phone#the hater brothers seeing the nicest little guy ever: i want him.#that's the reason why peter won't let roger meet his brother btw territorial beast/JOKE#queued this for nearly 4 am who gives a fuck
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I'm not a huge fan of the Tazercraft mental link headcanon (it's just not my cup of tea personally), HOWEVER—
I can't stop thinking about Pac in Alcatraz with his back to the wall as Cell approaches him with a cold smile on his face and a bloody knife in one hand, and Pac completely blocking Mike out because he knows something terrible is about to happen, and if he can't save himself then maybe he can at least spare Mike the graphic gory details.
And even when he’s lying on the cold concrete floor in a pool of his own blood, Pac is still trying to block everything out so he doesn't project his pain to Mike through their mental link. But ultimately, that's what scares Mike the most — the sharp flash of Pac's terror for an instant, and then silence.
#i talk#qsmp talk#I wonder if he thought Pac was dead#I wonder if Mike did the same thing when he was kidnapped and tortured by the Federation#Something about phrasing the mental link like THAT makes the idea a tiny bit more appealing to me#emotions rather than outright thoughts#but idk the whole concept of having someone else in your head is a personal squick of mine. I'd hate that.#The only exception is like frickin. The drift compatibility thing#But even that is a bit iffy. I still personally would never do that#As far as fan work or stories in general go - it depends entirely on how people write it#but as a whole I'm pretty '' :/ '' about the concept#This idea wouldn't leave my head though#tw blood mention#blood mention#ask to tag#you know the drill#fic talk
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i want to apologise to everyone ive spoken to in the past 3 days including my space therapist because i've genuinely not shut up about this woman from the bad 2011 reservoir dogs australian remake, i'm madly in love with her
please talk to me about reservoir cats,,, do the loco motion with me 🔥🔥🔥
#reservoir cats is the best and worst movie of the 20th century#its like heaven for lesbians and hell for filmbros#i've been simping for this bitch to anyone who will listen#like i already have complex feelings i'd rather not get into about mr blonde but when he's a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN it gets so much worse#instead of stuck in the middle with you she tortures the cop to The Loco-Motion#and says shit like 'Are you gonna hiss all day lil kitty? Or are you gonna bite'#please if you know this film PLEASE talk to me about her i Need her...#my art#teen artist#beginner artist#new artist#digital art#beginner art#reservoir cats#reservoir dogs#yeah this is going in resdogs tags im sorry#genderbend#ig#reservoir dogs genderbend#i'd assume her name is vicki vega but they only just call her vicki#so uh#mr blonde#vic vega#mrs blonde#ig??#do the loco motion#the loco-motion#has gotten stuck in my head about five times#jarrah sexton
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ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.
#it's usually when they randomly drop some line of fanon. like saying dean has never admitted to being wrong in his life#or never expressed an emotion or been vulnerable or doesn't Talk About Feelings or is super duper RepressedTM#like i'm sorry. have you watched the show. oh and have you taken off the sammy POV goggles first?#bc this guy is always crying and being vulnerable and talking about his feelings. he is self-aware.#he may not always want to talk to sam abt things! but he sure does talk about things with other people#do i need to reblog the compilation posts AGAIN?#(also re: his sexualiy? AWARE. sorry i saw him flirt and be flustered by so many men. he knows how he feels.)#and then 'first time ever admitting to being wrong' this one came from a post abt dean's prayer in the trap#like i'm sorry but first of all. dean apologizes more than any other character on the show. there are hard numbers on this.#people have tracked this on spreadsheets. i think ilarual is one of them.#and often he is apologizing for things that aren't even his fault! but he still feels responsible for bc he's been made to feel that way#his whole life!!#other characters *cough samandcas *cough* apologizing Less doesn't mean they've Done less things wrong#it just means they're not owning up to it and brushing it under the rug. something both do frequently.#anyways. aside from apologies. dean also has no problem admitting he's wrong y'know when he's actually wrong#which is less often than you'd think bc he has pretty good instincts and intuition and often suspects things which turn out to be Right#but anyways. another thing abt the trap prayer is. i don't think cas Needed to be forgiven#i think dean was justified in feeling angry w cas over the circumstances leading to the Death of His Mother! totally normal grief response!#i think cas also understands dean to be someone who needs time to process and deal with his feelings (he says as much to jack)#however. despite me not think dean Needs to forgive cas. the thing is. with dean when it comes to cas the forgiveness is implicit#when he says /of course i forgive you/ and in the cut like /of course i wanted you to stay/ like. yes he was mad and dealing with grief#but also. yes cas was already forgiven even back then. he just needed Time to work through the feelings#anyways i think dean says he 'forgives' cas bc it's what CAS needed to hear to stop feeling guilty and dean gives him that closure#but i also think cas was already forgiven even in dean's anger. he wants him there always. i'd rather have you. we can fix this. etc etc#a lot of tags for a non-rebloggable post ajksdfs maybe i'll make these into a real post sometime#vic.txt#dean and feelings#so i can find this all again later
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Also, regarding ISAT, I would like to point this out for myself-
I don't mind if anyone following me or if any of my mutuals ship this, have fun, go nuts, but Sifloop makes me!! very uncomfortable!! /LH. AGAIN. I DON'T REALLY HAVE A PROBLEM IF YOU LIKE IT I'm not gonna go "ohhh DNI if you ship this. curse you curse you" OF COURSE NOT.
Just please try not to mention it near me and/or tag any of my future posts with it! :D It would be appreciated!! Again no ill-will to any Sifloop shippers. I know some mutuals seem to enjoy it and that's fine but like I said, it makes me uncomfortable and I will not be talking about it here HAHA
JUST FIGURED I'D GET THAT OUTTA THE WAY!! Otherwise have fun in your Sifloop corner. pats you all on the head. I will be over here ok
#I REALLY HOPE NOBODY READS THIS AS DISRESPECTFUL#I'M TRYING NOT TO BE!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE DISRESPECTFUL#it's just like. a boundary?#i already have the tag blocked for myself HAHA#it's just something that makes me uncomfortable for reasons and i'd rather not deal with it at least at this point in time!#but i can also see why some people ship it so like. nods nods#sock talk#in stars and time
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Had a weird Hollow Knight-related dream a couple days ago, so I decided to draw a major scene I remembered from it dgsgshf
More context will be in the tags, for those interested!
#hollow knight#little ghost#hk ghost#the knight#hk hornet#hornet#alright. as of writing these tags it's been a week since the original dream so! let's see what i remember dgsgsgf#i was playing a game. which was a sequel to hollow knight ((Not silksong though))#there was some new sort of divine infection in hallownest and hornet had asked ghost to investigate it. they ended the last one after all!#the red glowy spike gate thingy is what you jumped into to enter the 'infected' areas#though it actually led directly to a hub world type of place. which was kinda like an expanded base for the grimm troupe?#more like an entire lair instead of a camp. also some greek gods were there for some reason lmao. they had their own special rooms too#so sidenote but- new headcanon that there are grimm troupe members named ares athena artemis &... venus lmao. not aphrodite for some reason#also monomon was there?? i think??? except she was cooking????? she had a sidequest to deliver something to someone though i dunno hdgfhdgh#i remember going back to the grimm troupe lair a couple times throughout my 'playthrough'#anyway. the 'infection' this time around was more of a glitchy physical corruption thing? rather than a mind corruption.#though there were still aggressive enemies to fight. but i remember getting a map from cornifer early on and he was. probably infected#i think part of his body was covered in electricity or something? so he wasn't fully visible? but he was still acting normally#there was also a moth who was the seer but then later wasn't the seer (but was still the same moth) dghgdhf. i delivered stuff to her#that glowing white wall thing in the drawing was like a one-way gate. you could only cross it from the other side and ghost came from there#i guess things looped back up somehow i dunno ghdgfhgf#anyway. ghost's red eyes. those are significant! those happened while i was walking through a corridor. it had pools of shallow water#(shallow enough to just walk through) and also creatures that were lightseeds but red.the implication was that they were full of Blood lmao#and as i went along killing them--as one does--as i walked through the hall. they started turning the water red too#there was also narration about this as it was happening ashdgsf. specifically the narrator said the water turned red before it actually did#ghost's eyes slowly turned red too. but aside from that they were fine! since. they're the player character and the player is perfectly fin#BUT. when they encountered hornet again. she thought they were infected. and that she lost the only family she had left </3#she didn't attack though. instead she just jumped into the red spike gate without a word. decided to try to fix everything herself#but eventually you'd encounter her again down below and she'd fight you. didn't actually get to that in the dream though#aand i'm out of tags </3 i wanted to talk about what i'd do to make this make more sense as an au or something now that i'm awake but. :c
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Finding "the meaning" to a show that could have had up to five or seven seasons but was cancelled after the second is somewhat like trying to understand a novel composed of seventy chapters by having read only twenty — there is a whole wealth of information which we do not possess that could alter our reading of any given element or of the entire thing in itself.
Still, there are always patterns that weave a story into a cohesive unit and they can help us to better grope in darkness towards comprehension. One such pattern in Warrior Nun appears to be how the consequences to mistakes, "sins" or evil deeds committed by characters manifest.
Basic storytelling usually requires characters to act on something so that complications or resolutions may arise from their choices and move the plot forwards. In Warrior Nun, many of these actions are quite tragic in nature: Suzanne's arrogance and pride lead to the death of her Mother Superion; Vincent's allegiance to the higher power he believed Adriel to be inspired him to kill Shannon; Ava's flight from the Cat's Cradle ends up damning Lilith as she is mortally wounded and taken away by a tarask... All of these events have negative outcomes and heavy repercussions on all characters directly or indirectly involved. Something changes permanently because of them, be it in the world around them or within the characters themselves.
And yet, it would seem that all of these dark deeds not only move the story forwards but might also have overall positive results. We would have had no protagonist without Ava — and she would arguably never have received the halo to begin with had she not been murdered. What's more, on a personal scale, the horrifying crime she suffers is, in the end, the very thing that allows her a second chance in life, a new life.
An act of outside evil permits Ava to grow and develop, shows her a path she would not otherwise have found. Without her own season in some sort of hell, Lilith would not have been able to advance towards other ways of being and understanding beyond her very strict limitations. Vincent and Suzanne would not have embarked on their own journeys of enlightenment without having caused the pain they are responsible for.
Beatrice might have been paying for someone else's mistakes, but she, too, is given the chance to grow into herself through it. The afflictions that torment these characters advance the overall plot, but they also advance them, as individuals, as long as they are willing to learn and keep going despite the calamities large and small that they are faced with. Beatrice keeps going after parental rejection, Mary keeps going after losing Shannon, Jillian keeps going after losing her son (in part through her own actions, adding insult to injury)... Trouble and the adaptation that follows it, if one is open enough to learn from the experience, motivates the characters, propels them forward, teaches them.
The problem of evil has occupied the minds of many a thinker throughout the ages, given how the very existence of it, evil, might call into question that of God (a good, omniscient, omnipotent one, anyway). A common way of justifying suffering (and also God), then, is by claiming, as Saint Augustine, that "God judged it better to bring good out of evil than not to permit any evil to exist".
Now, it would be rather ridiculous to say of Warrior Nun that it follows in Leibniz's footsteps, also because this philosopher, expanding on the augustinian concept, attempted to defend the goodness of a real God with his "best of all possible worlds" while all we have is... Well, whatever/whoever Reya is.
But there seems to be an inclination towards some sort of optimism as a worldview nonetheless.
Betrayals reveal truth and grant knowledge (Vincent's culminates with the coming of Adriel, which allows us to know of the threat of a "Holy War" and thus prepare for it; Kristian's gives Jillian much needed insight, William's lights up the fuse for the fight to be taken more seriously...), crimes committed willingly or not open the way for Ava (Suzanne's killing of her Mother Superion causes the loss of the halo, which is transferred to Shannon, whose death opens the gates for Ava to walk through after being herself murdered by sister Frances)... The magnitude of these positive outcomes is perhaps not "balanced" when compared to the evil that brings them about, but there is still something to take out of the catastrophe.
However tragic the tones of a given event, the show itself appears to shun the predetermination that makes tragedy as a genre; if everything is connected, here it at least appears to not necessarily drag everyone into their horrible dooms.
What's more is that this lurking "optimism" matches really well with our own protagonist's personality.
And it makes perfect sense that Ava would do the best she could with whatever she is given.
Life for her, in the conditions she experienced after the accident, would have been unbearable without some sort of positive outlook on life. However deadpan, the joking and the "obscene gestures" and whatever other forms of goofing around beside Diego are a way of turning a portion of the situation in her own favour. Proverbial eggs have, after all, already been broken right and left — might as well make an omelette of whatever remains.
Humour is just another way of looking at the bright side of something, or, at the every least, of mitigating the utter horror it might bring. If the show allows for moments of lightness, if it lets us laugh, if it takes us through a perilous voyage which still bears ripe, succulent fruit instead of the rot of pessimism and its necessary contempt for humanity, it is because Ava herself sees things in this way. It isn't gratuitous or naïve in this case, but a true survival strategy, especially as it is confronted with the morbidity of Catholicism.
Here is a religion that soothes its faithful with the promise of reward in the afterlife — how else does one charge into battle against the unknown, risking one's own death along with that of one's sisters, without the balm of believing that we shall all meet again eventually, "in this life or the next"? How else does one come to terms with the ugliness and the pain of this existence if not by looking forward to a paradise perfect enough to make all trials and tribulations here worth it?
True nihilism would have annihilated Ava. Her present perspective is what avoided the abyss.
And there is nothing Panglossian to her attitude or what the show might imply by giving us her view on things. This isn't about "the best of all possible worlds", but of making the best of whatever situation we're in, of taking what we have and doing something with it, something good, something of ourselves. It isn't God making good out of evil, but our choices.
Killing innocent people and feeling no remorse will never be the best someone can aspire to do. Sister Frances, cardinal William, Adriel all learn this the hard way.
Those who do their best find that, somehow, they can move on from whatever it was that paralysed them. Ava, most of all, knows what it is to be stuck, frozen in place; she can never be the character who refuses to grow, even through pain, lest she condemns her spirit to the same fate her body is all too familiarised with. Those around her wise enough to let themselves be touched by her, by the dynamic power she carries, walk forth with her and live.
It says very little about "God" that Warrior Nun should adopt its heroine's views and seem "optimistic" as it progresses — but it speaks volumes about the values it presents for pondering, of the inspiration its protagonists provide, and of the multiple reasons why this is a story unlike most others.
#warrior nun#ava silva#you know it's actually very funny to type this as someone who is very schopenhaurian with hints of nietzsche#but i AM doing the best i can too :)#again i will reiterate that i don't think this apparent optimism has anything to do with the classic theodicy#if anything i see it more as a cry in favour of antitheism -- this is YOUR life fuck god#life is shitty so carve out your own makeshift paradise out of the wreck you are given#and don't make things harder for anyone else in the process if you can avoid it#(but that might just be the luciferian in me speaking lol)#anywho this post is a translation of one i wrote not too long ago in cryptic english and a ton of tags#so if it seems familiar that's why#also i do find it rather telling that whenever i try to delve into how the show structures things i talk about ava#i don't set out to analyse her -- but in analysing the show i must analyse her as well if by the edges#which again points to how finely woven she is to the fabric of the entire thing#remember how i said ava is a representation of free will?#well this whole bringing good out of evil thing also touches upon it#saint augustine maintains that it is precisely free will that allows us to do it -- to choose good#of course he means it in a sense of being free to pursue god rather than evil but you see the parallel still works#(this is the post i mentioned in the last reblog. figured i'd go ahead and throw it in the wild since there are more brewing)#analysis and similar#exercises in observation
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I understand why some people want a fictional bf without baggage, but as someone who has been in a long-term relationship, the "Gale won't shut up about his ex" thing never really clicked for me. Weren't they together for most of his adult life? I lived with a guy for three years and of course I talk about that shit. That was like 10% of my human life! Doesn't mean I still have feelings for him.
#he also can't be a wizard without interacting with her in some kind of way#maybe I am a red flag#but I'd way rather have a guy who talks about his ex sometimes than a guy who's never dated#I have also been someone's first ltr and it was. not great!#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#will I regret tagging this? maybe!
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