#I'VE LOST IT

[creaman]

—BECAUSE KUNG FU PANDA 4 KILLED MY GRANDMA, OKAY?

To preface, I watched this movie and I'm genuinely tweaking right now so I had to write down a very brief (lie) criticism on this film — which you should boycott, by the way.

Starting with the things I liked, before briefing my primary points of criticism:

Po's Character Regression

Po and Zhen's Dynamic

The Chameleon

I'd also yap about Lord Shen and the death of the art style and the entire narrative and pacing and use of the staff of wisdom but my therapist says being such a hater is 'unhealthy' or something. My heart is full of hatred.

SPOILERS for the entirety KFP4 for the 2 people who care.

KFP4 undermines and ignores the previous three movies — Unwriting character developments, outright removing the Furious Five, straying from the character design philosophies and is completely inconsistent with the established lore.

Things I Liked About Kung Fu Panda 4

The Chameleon's character design

Visual gag in the Tavern where Po uses a recently thrown axe as a hat rack (made me laugh)

When Mr. Ping did this:

so cute! the little heart!

Po — Character Writing

Po, as established in the previous movies, is confident in his abilities and identity — he’s learnt inner peace, he’s matured as a character. However, in KFP4, his character has completely regressed. He’s immature again (such as KFP1, possibly worse) and says verbatim, “only knows kicking butt and taking names” — UNLEARNING inner peace and insisting that “…being the Dragon Warrior is all I know.”

It’s childish, and sort of Hotel Transylvania-esque.

Which isn’t helped by the comedy, the dialogue — a large chunk of which are jokes in the style of:

Master Shifu says something philosophical

Po quips off of it / doesn’t get it (i.e. Whoa!! beat I don’t know what that means.)

Oh, it’s great, yeah, very tolerable. Po’s shenanigans are normally reeled in by the presence of the Furious Five who are generally more serious in nature, creating a much needed balance in the dynamic — So without them, it’s just Po becoming increasingly obnoxious and insufferable with every consecutive quip throughout the screenplay.

Po and Zhen — Character Dynamics

[No more graphics sorry I'm too angry]

As if it wasn’t obvious that Zhen was going to be the next Dragon Warrior the second she was introduced.

Zhen, as a character, has no depth besides being a quippy thief. She quips, she steals. This character has no motives — it can be assumed that the writers intended on a ‘change of heart’ thing, but she isn’t established as evil, her working for the Chameleon is written as a (albeit poor) twist reveal.

By which point, her taking either side wouldn’t make sense, given that she has shown no loyalty or attachment to either Po nor the Chameleon.

The movie artificially strengthens their bond by having Zhen start opening up about her backstory out of nowhere for no reason but they have done nothing to grow closer to each other.

Small tangent, her backstory is exactly what you’d expect it to be with no subversions or even emotional weight. Woe is me I was so small and hungry I had to steal to survive. Glossed over in about a minute.

The majority of the dialogue between Zhen and Po is spoken exposition — explaining how powerful and badass the Chameleon is, explaining how ‘we have to go here to do that’ and ‘this place was cool until the Chameleon did such and such’, and the rest of their time together is spent engaging in filler chase sequences and fight scenes.

The Chameleon

Where do I even start…

This is where it becomes apparent that the movie relies heavily on telling rather than showing —

She is the weakest villain by far, not only in universe but as a written character; which is particularly disheartening because I genuinely adore her character design and feel as though a shapeshifting character has great potential.

The movie artificially inflates her power by insisting through exposition that this is the most capable antagonist thus far (lie).

The audience is TOLD by Zhen and various restaurant patrons that the Chameleon is a powerful shapeshifting sorceress and that she 'dominates the city' whilst the film does nothing to showcase this.

'Dominating the city' meaning letting her henchpeople run amock and bully the civilians just like Lord Shen's wolves in KFP2... uninspired.

I just realised they didn't even give her a NAME what the FUCK is going on

She describes HERSELF as ruthless, clever and unsentimental when comparing Zhen to herself.

She says HERSELF that she’s “Stronger than every opponent you’ve ever faced.”

Let’s see what vile reprehensible things she’s done, shall we?

Gently push someone down some stairs

Her first appearance is through Zhen’s exposition, as opposed to the dramatic and memorable entrances of the previous villains. Her motives or character aren’t established until the final third of the film. She doesn’t even FIGHT anybody until the final third of the film; and even then, her fight sequences are uninspired and she never really poses a real threat. (She goes down in two hits.)

That being said, WE CAN STILL SAVE HER GUYS WE CAN STILL GET HER OUTTA THERE I'M COMING FOR YOU CHAMELEON I'M GONNA DRAFT YOU A PROPER BACKSTORY AND MOTIVE AND YOU'RE GONNA BE THE MOST THREATENING VILLAIN THUS FAR

There's a scene after the climax of the film where all the kung fu masters and previous villains from the spirit realm bow to Po. I'm not going to provide my thoughts on this because I fear I may burst a blood vessel. Good day!

Closing Statements

To put it simply, Kung Fu Panda 4 was my Megamind 2.

The film rejects its predecessors in every way. It really feels as though they brought in somebody with no prior knowledge of the franchise to direct the movie.

It's a film that relies heavily on telling rather than showing — banking on the previous three movies to carry it through the box office.

It's just really disheartening to see studio execs turn one of the best franchises into a safe sequel cash grab and regress every character's development.

Nevertheless. I do adore the chameleon's character design so I might do my own take on her character.

As far as I'm concerned, there is no fairy godmother, there is no tooth fairy, and there is no kung fu panda 4.

[liliannevalley]

despite the horrors i've blocked out of my brain, i think black space is funny

[sweet-evie]

Squishy squishy Satoru.

I shall call him 'Squishy' and I shall keep him forever. 🥹 No one can hurt the 'Squishy' if he is in my pocket.

Look at the Squishy! Raaaahhh 😭

No fr... teen Satoru is so cute 😭🥹 I don't know what to do with the cute aggression I have for this creature...

[my-mom-named-me-duck]

FUCK IT IMA DRAW EVERYTHING I WAS TOO SCARED TO DRAW OUT OF BEING AFRAID OF BEING CALLED CRINGE THROUGHOUT THE YEARS AND YOULL ALL SEE IT I DONT GIVE A SHIT BE PREPAIRED FOR A FUCKING AVALANCH OF SHITTY ART OF CHARACTERS FROM THE DEADEST AND MOST TOXIC FANDOMS I WILL ALSO DRAW MY MIDDLE SCHOOL OCS I DONT CARE IF ITS ALL SHITTY NOTHING CAN STOP ME AND MY WEIRD OBSESSION WITH DREAM SANS I HAD AND STILL SORTA HAVE TO THIS DAY FUCK YOU I CANT BE STOPPED HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

IM GONNA DRAW UNDERTALE AUS IMA DRAW CREEPYPASTA CHARACTERS AND WHATEVER ELSE I CAN COME UP WITH

[aura--noir]

[raleigh-edward]

When the whole fandom is simping over the same fictional folks, it kinda bears semblance to being co-wives lmao

I love my co-wives and future stepchildren

[accidentallyatekneecaps]

Chronically ill saiki hc

He spends a lot of time at home since hes always fatigued from being in pain constantly and from being around people

He knows people view him as weak and it really bothers him so he trys to make himself come across as an asshole to get people away from him so they don't pity him which backfires and makes people more worried

On days when he has really bad flare up's he will bring a cane to school to help with walking as much as he hates doing so (his mother forces him to bring the cane)

Nendo is the only person who doesn't treat saiki as completely fragile, he is protective but still treat saiki as a person and not an illness

Most of his classmates do view him as a person obviously but they don't know how to go about treating someone whos ill so they end up accidentally babying him

Saiki gets insanely bad headaches due to his powers and even tho he knows it won't actually help him but he puts water on his forehead and just lies there until he needs to reaply it

Saikis joints will randomly dislocate without him wanting them to

Kaidou and aren once were out with saiki and he colasped onto the ground cause his knee dislocated, kaidou freaked out really badly and aren was about to help him since he's dealt with dislocations before in his old gang but before he got a chance to saiki had already put it back in place

I think saiki would have eds

Whenever his flare up's gets bad enough that he can't go to school his mom would bring him some coffee jelly and pain medication, tho saiki knows the meds probably won't help he's really happy his mom thought of him

Saiki is able to get a free pass out of gym class but he refuses to since he still wants to do normal things

Matsuzaki has been really wary of saiki since he passed out, he is a lot more wary of letting him participate in high levels of fitness

Guy's I'm gonna make more hc but just regular ones later **stares at you with autism in eyes**

[veyronvenus]

yeah, I'm done, thanks 4 coming, goodbye

[mixed-up-media]

HOW THE LAIKA MOVIES CONNECT TOGETHER!!!!!

Also known as history of the beldam!

Warning: most of this is just crack. This was my shower thought this morning and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. None of this is canon. This is just dumb crap. It is held together by 2 strings, 3 old gum pieces, a roll of duct tape, and a used bandaid I found behind the school bleachers. This post is also a long one. You have been warned.

Ok, let's start off with something that has been bothering me, and the rest of the Coraline fandom, FOR YEARS! What is the Beldam? As far as the internet is concerned, she's the villain in Coraline, not much more than that. However, other sources say that another meaning of beldam is "old hag" or "witch" which makes sense. Something that also stuck out to me was another website stating she was an evil fairy. I feel like a beldam is not a singular term for the other mother but rather a species of evil fairies. Once again this connects to one of our favorite detail in that movie, the mushroom circle.

Mushroom circles are known throughout folktales as gateways to fairy realms. Keep this in mind! So what other thing is connected to fairy realms? OH YEAH, TROLLS!

So, I have not read "Here be monster," that is my summer reading goal, it just has to come. So I don't know what lore drops are in there, all I know is that the book is the reason people say Egg's real name is Arthur, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯! What I do know that that in most mythologies trolls are evil and here that is not the case. Something that I noticed in Boxtrolls and in the little info piece on amazon for "Here be monsters" is that both towns end with a bridge. Cheesebridge, Ratbridge, you get the picture. So that means to me is that the trolls are connected to bridges. If you don't know what I'm going for here is the trolls that live under toll bridges. You know that thing that we were all terrified of happening to us from Monty Python and the Holy grail, yeah that thing. They make it very clear there is some sort of connection." Lindow states that the etymology of the word "troll" remains uncertain, though he defines trolls in later Swedish folklore as "nature beings" and as "all-purpose otherworldly being[s], equivalent, for example, to fairies in Anglo-Celtic traditions". (Wikipedia)

Otherworldly you say? Well as a fandom, WE KNOW PLENTY ABOUT THAT! So I'm getting that there is some sort of fairy world situation going on. Like there's a world with magic separate from our own where creatures come from, K.

Some else I noticed was the similarities between Kubo's aunts and the other mother.

Notice the white faces,red lips, and lack of eyes. Now I'm aware that the sister's designs are biased off of the Geisha, however there is something else that connects them, the obsession with ripping a child's eye out, which I would assume is something Geisha women don't do ( I could be wrong.) So I feel like there is some sort of connection between the Beldam and the moon king. A partnership, a teacher of how to remove the eyes of kids, the biological mother of his children. (Low key shipping them)

Then there the witch situation. Witches have been known throughout history as evil, but we watched ParaNorman, and we paid attention! WE KNOW THEY'RE JUST MISUNDERSTOOD! So we've established that there's magic, but we've never really come up with where the magic comes from. I have a whole theory on why Norman can see ghosts, ( I'll post that one later) but I'm pretty sure the magic effects genetics. Now, hear me out, what if the magic comes from the magic fairy realm thing from earlier.

SO POSSIBLE TIMELINE, MAYBE!

A LONG LONG LONG LONG TIME AGO, the Pre-Beldam Fairy was just livin her life. She discovers some sort of dark magic and turn evil. She goes down to earth but uses a portal thing to get there. Out from that portal thing comes some trolls that find a home under a bridge. After years of evolution they become boxtrolls. Then Beldam fairy meets the moon king and has his daughters helps him tear his grandsons eye out. The fairies in charge are like: Dude, the frick is wrong with you, and banashes her to what would become the american continent. They also strip her of her powers which then finds its way to the other side of the soon to be continent. There her magic connects to several families including the one of a little girl with long black hair. Over in Oregon country the beldam finds herself hiding for years and years. Eventually a family of pioneers show up and build a house. Not wasting any time, the beast uses her dark powers and finds a small hole in the wall. She discovers that it's made out of some of the magic ripped from her and uses it for her advantage. Eventually she develops the persona of "The Other World," and The other Mother. She eats kids souls until a blue haired girl defeats her. Who knows if she actually killed her or not!

How does Missing Link fit all this? Well TADA

Lionel found an old monkey carving from a old Japanese town, a newspaper clipping from a few years back about "Boxtrolls" and an old book from back when the mayflower first set sale (I feel like the book was something Aggie's mom brought with her to the new world and read it to Aggie for years)

THE END

People who might find this humorous

@evenceflux18

@officermaddie23

@kpyeeper

TAG MOREEEE

[rabbit-heart4]

I just finished s1 of red valley. what. the. FUCK

also they're so I've got all this ringing by fob

[magickizu]

Because it's been living rent free in my head lately:

Greek Mythology Harringrove AU

Gather 'round my children, for I have hadeth another brain fart... And this is what I woke up with!! Yes, I changed their names because ancient greek, man! Max is okay. Steve, eh gets difficult. Lucas- okay... But Dustin?? Or Nancy?? Anyway!- Steve is a hero, Billy is Eros and they find each others presents strangely comforting.

Of course the others will all also be there, definitely. And they each have their own backgrounds and stories and reasons to do... Uh... Stuff!

I got the idea randomly whilst listening to I won't say I'm in love from Disney's Hercules sooo...

Expect to see more of that in the future! WOOOO!!-

[dam-blue-ribbon]

Ma'am ily but what is this behavior

[gerardway-is-my-babygirl]

IT IS 7AM AND I HAVE NOT SLEPT

I just spent the past hour trying to find where Renfield's apartment Is for a fic JUST SO I COULD IMAGINE HOW FAR IT IS FROM THE HOSPITAL AND LOBO MANSION

I feel crazy. I feel unhinged. I want to sleep

It was like a wild goose chase because I kept looking at the shots of the apartment In the movie where Its literally called SUNRISE TOWER but It Isn't called that In real life!!!! So then thankfully there was a building that had Its actual name on It In the movie thats near the apartment so I FINALLY found It but now I've aged 50 years from stress

Also the worst thing Is the apartment Isn't even blue Irl!!!!!!!! ITS WHITE AND BLACK. WHERES THE JOY. WHERES THE WHIMSY. FUCK YOU NEW ORLEANS

[nullified-king]

Most of you probably don't know, but I have a non-shitpost, original work Tumblr. But since I've been struggling with my writing, I've decided to try a different kind of story in the meantime. A Fanfic! It's my first real fanfiction I've ever written. It has no name yet, but I will soon be posting it on AO3. Its a HiruSena (Hiruma x Sena from anime & manga Eyeshield 21) ship fic crossed with the anime world of Initial D. I hope you all enjoy! Thank you for sticking around!

Thanks to @nonbayanary for inspiring this insanity! I've had so much fun with it!

Follow my Writing Tumblr for updates! @astraeasilvers

[rockdownu]

hey guys i've completely lost my fucking mind and I'm writing multi-chapter ProhibitedDeathWish with pregnant Lich and it has a plot god fucking bless

[dozecoin]

changed my url and everything