#I'M HAVING A FUCKING MOMENT
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thinking about how eiji's a pole vaulter and how ash talks about eiji "flying" and how eiji's associated with bird imagery and how eiji's free (unlike ash) and how eiji comes in on a plane and leaves on a plane and how ash cannot fly, ash cannot be free, how nyc is ash's prison, and how ash is the leopard who dies climbing the mountain, unable to live at such elevation, how he was trying to reach the sky and be free but was always stuck to the earth, how he chose to die instead of climbing back down, how he chose to die where he could see the sky and hope and freedom almost like a bird with eiji's letter right in front of him rather than letting everything go wrong and ruin it once again, how eiji's a failed pole vaulter anyway, how a bad fall ruined his career and grounded him (physically and emotionally), how it took flying to america and meeting ash and needing to save him and skip for him to try flying again, how he landed hard and harsh and still the thought of that escape compelled ash to protect eiji at all costs because if he could fly that means something to him, even if he doesn't think he can fly, how eiji is the manifestation of his hope and how when he breaks and asks eiji to stay with him a while he folds himself over his legs and weighs him down and traps him and grounds him, how ash fights like hell to keep eiji alive not because he thinks he can be like him (hopeful, flying, innocent), but because he makes him forget the gravity of his situation, and so he can see eiji fly again. how he wants to see him escape. how eiji is a bird and ash is a wildcat and how ash never once saw eiji as prey. how eiji never saw ash as a predator. how it is eiji's naivete that first endears ash to him, how it is his freedom and flight and removal from darkness and his ability to leave that darkness that really roots eiji in ash's blood as something essential to him keeping on living in this hell of nyc. how it is that distance from the violence and that hope for the future that ash chooses to surround himself in as he dies. how ash dies in a dream because he feels more than anything that he can't fly like eiji, that he can never leave. how his violence is a part of him and will be forever, how it weighs him down. how he wants to enjoy the view from the mountainside rather than looking up from the ground below. as if they can both fly. as if he is with him up there and not grounded. eye-to-eye with what he can't have, seeing eiji's homeland: the sky. how he dies trying to reach the top because he couldn't take retreating and trying again. how ash, tired and tired and tired and convinced it will go on forever if he crawls back down the mountain, chooses to close his life deluged in eiji, in eiji's insistence that they can fly together, in eiji's hope for him and for them, in eiji's beautiful dream. how ash dies without trying to realize that dream. how ash, in dying, destroys it.
#banana fish spoilers#I'M HAVING A FUCKING MOMENT#mutual reblogged exactly one (1) piece of ash fanart and sent me on A Multiple Hour Long Thing and now im rewatching it lol#yes i am only on episode 2 yes i am still going to write big long analysis posts ANYWAY#whatever hope this makes sense. anyway#banana fish#okumura eiji#ash lynx#asheiji#hhhhh i can't believe i've only watched this twice in like what 5.5 years?? sheesh#anywayyyyyyy i care about them a lot ok. god#and yes i DO kinda have beef with the decision to kill ash off at the end but it really does say so much About his character#that he chose to die in the way that he did even though he's been throwing his life away since episode 1#dying in peace in comfort in solitude rather than in some chaotic battlefield.... ough...... in the peace eiji alone could give him.....#anywayss i relate to ash a little more than i should so. this one's for us cool guy bottoms up#edit i uh.... i forgot it was a leopard.... in the story..... but whatever it doesn't really affect the symbolic meaning it's just embarras#ing that i forgot >;/
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The soil of my mind is rich and fertile and produces only the finest of fanned fictions
#I'm having a fucking moment#we're just gonna write around the block and hope it sorts itself#the young ones#rivyan#fic writing problems
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Honestly i have so much sympathy for Ailette and the way she mischaracterises Tesilid.
like i myself also fixate on certain parts of the story and extrapolate maybe a bit too much - although in my defence i've only read like half the story.
-but the same can kind of be said of Ailette? This Tesilid is having a new, currently-being-written chapter of his life. In fact she kind of has things even worse, because her characterisation of Tesilid is based off OG!Tesilid, but current Tesilid had his life and outlook irreversibly changed when they met aged 10. But they never really interacted enough afterwards for Ailette to realise just how much of an impact she made on him. She hasn't really had a strong reason to rethink her characterisation of him. Not to mention that she first read the book with her middle school reading comprehension, which. Probably coloured her interpretation for the worse, at least a little.
I really wish Ailette would go into more detail about her own experience as a reader, to really see better how she's viewing this world and its people.
Which paragraphs are the ones that she thinks defines Tesilid's character? (Mine is "I'm praying that they'll all fail the test and go home".)
Which are the ones that made her cry? (Mine's "Right... you're on the side of this world.")
Which are her favourite silly Tesilid moments that make her so fond of teasing Tesilid? (iliac bones)
Which are the ones that reverberate in her head and which won't leave her alone? (Mine is "Please... show me some of that petty mercy too.")
I feel like the fun part of these kinds of isekai story is that. Whatever reaction you had towards Tesilid, be it "wow what a cute kid" or "i'm going to cry, i need to wrap him in a blanket where the world can't hurt him anymore" or "actually he should just destroy the world tbh i would support him", she's been there first and has been doing for at least 10 years, she's the OG. And she's super intense about it too. Like she can say "I need to save him because the story dictates it" all she wants, but the way she reacts so intensely and immediately to Tesilid in danger really speaks volumes of how much emotional investment she has in this guy. Like idk if she really rotates him in her head as much as I do - that might be a me problem - but if you rotate a character in your head enough times while fixating on certain moments and not others, you probably would end up with a biased interpretation of the character. Especially if you don't have someone else to bounce ideas off. And this gets worse if you're actually living in the character's world, because characters in stories serve certain narrative functions, so all their actions which get included in the narration are inherently biased towards portraying them in a certain way that serves said narrative function. But humans are a lot messier and more dynamic.
i just. shakes her up and down. love the concept of an isekai protagonist and the OG protagonist that they love so much.
anyway this whole post is a testament to how much Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint changed the way I interpret fiction and especially isekai stories. Not me anthromorphozing Ailette as if she's really a person and fellow fan who exists and isn't a character lmaoo, i'm definitely not having a "we're all fragments of kim dokja" moment, no sir. i definitely didn't subconsciously draw connections between ORV's isekai'd MC and myself and S-Class Heroine's isekai'd MC and our commonalities as readers who rotate the same story in their heads very many times, and suddenly make a realisation that's actually more relevant to ORV than the actual story that prompted all this. one whole year after i last read ORV, because ORV's story is So Much and so monumental that i'm still haunted by it and figuring it out and it lowkey never left my mind, even after a whole year. (please read orv.) like there are a lot of otome isekai stories about isekai'd MCs realising that the people in their lives don't line up with the OG characters, but none of these stories ever made me viscerally realise what it was probably like for kim dokja, because none of them had isekai'd MCs be that unironically obsessed with their OG protags, and more importantly none of them made me constantly rotate the OG protagonist in my head the way S-Class Heroine does. Han Sooyoung was right, you get as much out of a story as you put in to reading it and re-reading it and re-interpreting it. By putting so much time into S-Class Heroine I accidentally made some relevations about the other story that I was always trying to figure out at the back of my mind. Holy shit.
#i'm having a fucking moment#the perks of being an s class heroine#a transmigrator's privilege#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv#you know what ill tag it too this post is as much about orv as it is abt s class heroine#fucking kim dokja#maybe i understand a little better why he is the way he is now#i cant believe this bloody story is still haunting me#the only time i read it was one whole yr ago!!!#anw one way in which ailette differs from kdj is that she has fully assimilated into this world#she loves her grandpa very much and the rest of her family and her best friend bianca#and her friend agnes too#she doesn't have all the trauma associated with the fourth wall and all its themes#good for her#anyway if you wished that orv was pink and had more romance than s class heroine is for you#please read it too
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anyway if you guys need me i'll be devouring every single post 1941 church scene fic
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Haters will say mayoi is a light skinned cis man. True intellectuals know mayoi is a dark skinned trans woman.
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when you're part of a group with structural power over another goup, you really do gotta just learn to say "i am not exempt from 'fuck 'em' when relevant" whenever someone expresses frustration with you or people like you.
#juney.txt#like sure to protect your ego you could try to make up some axis of oppression that concievably means you're not accountable for anything#and how dare people from colonized nations tell you that you have it easier than them just because you live in the imperial core#or how dare trans women say you have it easier than them because no matter what it'll always be your word against a tranny's#or you could just learn to be a little uncomfortable for a moment#and look at the situation for a second and say#''you know what? they're right to be frustrated!''#''and it's really not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things if they're frustrated at me''#''especially if i'm being a prime example of the things they're getting frustrated about''#''i am not exempt from 'fuck 'em' when relevant''
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face value
#it's autism torment hours for cloud strife (featuring Projection™️)#everybody just assumes the worst about cloud the moment they meet him.#i think all the time about the 'be nice!' -> 'i'm doing my best :(' thing from remake. like. all he did was answer a fucking question.#it burns because i know EXACTLY what it's like to be on the receiving end of that. 'don't be rude!' i wasn't planning on it but ok i guess?#and people getting mad because they assumed i meant something completely different than what i said.#how many times have i asked 'hey when are we leaving' (so i know when we're leaving. god forbid)#only for them to hear 'WAAA WAAAAAAA HURRY UP!!!!!!! I WANNA LEAVE RIGHT NOWWWWW UGGHHHHHH'#like ???????????#we're speaking the same language right??? RIGHT????????#cloud listen bby. just know that i'm always here for you. even if no one else got ur back.#ok i'm better now. at least until the next easily avoidable stupid misunderstanding#ffvii#cloud strife#my art <3
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does anyone know how to stop the body from keeping score? i have shit to do
#i have shit to do but i'm so bad at both going to sleep and staying asleep that it's been fucking up my life for years at this point#yes this about accidentally sleeping through class this morning but in my defense i had an atomic tummy moment at like 6 am :( which is#kind of my point? an reason for missing sleep shouldn't stop me from participating in my own life and i'm tired of rationing my waking hours#if sleep was optional i would be unstoppable essentially but alas. alack even. specifically a lack of sleep.#girl all the saints have it out for me today for skipping church on a holy day of obligation i guess. well fuck those guys.#a post
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do skully have pokemon?
Pumpkaboo is the obvious one, but y'know, sometimes the obvious one is the right one! (we'll say SUPER SIZE Pumpkaboo, just for fun. big pumpkin for big skeleton boy.) and another person actually also suggested Greavard, which I somehow hadn't considered, but feels so perfect that I feel like I should have. dangit.
(they can also have little Nightmare Suit costumes :D)
#art#twisted wonderland#pokemon#poketwst#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#(sorry for leaving anon off for a while! i've gotten a rash of spam and i'm gonna wait it out a couple days before turning it back on)#also apologies for the rest of this not really being pokemon related#i don't have anything right now for part 4 of the event so i'm gonna use this space to go off about it#because. oh man.#a sad lack of the scullsman but a FEAST of everyone else#gotta love malleus and leona uniting in the common goal of hunting trey down for trying to game their whiny pettiness#(trey doesn't know what to do with someone he can't easily distract with cake)#also further confirmation that malleus WILL kill a small child and leona WILL point and laugh the whole time#also sebek's plans revolving around what he knows he's good at: screaming extremely loudly and hoisting nerds#and let us not forget what i consider to be the crowning jewel#which is jamil figuring out IMMEDIATELY where scully has taken his prisoners#only for everyone else to just. literally refuse to do anything about it.#jamil just standing there and going 'WE KNOW WHERE THEY ARE! WE CAN JUST! GO GET THEM!!!! WHYYY AREN'T WE GOING'#visibly losing his entire mind and it's beautiful#top 10 twst event moments honestly#also some delightful character consistency from jade being all#'actually my dicking around is a sign of my immense trust in your abilities to get things done :)'#'but also consider: there are currently two housewardens chasing a child'#'alternately angrily screaming poetry and begging them not to sue'#'and if you will pardon my city of flowers...there is no fucking way i'm missing that'#lock shock and barrel did not sign up for this. how did these idiots turn out to be somehow weirder than the three of them.#twisted wonderland must be a frightening place indeed
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The Mighty Nein Reunion: Echoes of the Solstice
#critical role#ygifs#cr lb#echoes of the solstice live show#ashley#marisha#laura#ETHEREAL WOMEN. DEAD TO HAVE SEEN THEM LIVE#me sitting there already mentally giffing all the moments I need to chew like IT'S SO GOOD Y'GUYS I'M STILL#they're so fucking beautiful so fucking hot I'm just
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malleus and silver both look basically identical to their parents but they were able to break the cycle of hatred and violence that their parents were trapped in, because they loved each other, because when they looked into each other's eyes neither of them saw the face of someone they wanted to hurt, instead they each saw someone they desperately wanted to protect, of someone who was like family to them, and they were able to stop fighting and use the power of that familial love to combine their magic and literally bring lilia back to life, and i'm going to lay down and cry now.
#twisted wonderland#malleus draconia#silver vanrouge#twst silver#diasomnia family#i'm never going to shut up about the fact that dawn's design being Like That is important!!#'he's just a recolor of silver' i mean. yes. and meleanor is just a genderbend of malleus!#you don't have to like it but i personally love this symbolism <3#maybe they should've made silver's mom the dawn knight and then the sameface would be somewhat less noticeable#or just given the dawn knight wavy hair or something idk LMAO#augh. that moment where lilia thinks meleanor and dawn made up in the afterlife because MALLEUS AND SILVER ARE HOLDING HANDS#that fucking broke me i can't 😭#twst book 7 spoilers#star.txt
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scenes i loved from Real Enough to Get Me Through by @marriedzukka <333 [ids in alt]
#zukka#zukka fanart#sokka#sokka fanart#zuko#zuko fanart#atla#atla fanart#avatar the last airbender#zukka fic rec#myart#yall. yall. dani. this FIC#first off it made me cry twice. not like 'oh im crying' internet speak no. like. eyes are too blurry to read let me stop this for a sec#it is SO GOOD#your prose? amazing#your insights on grief? life changing#THEM??? THEM their relationship and trust#'zuko looked at him and his world shifted on its axis'#ive been thinking about that line for WEEKS STRAIGHT#i can't tell you how many passages i screenshot just because of how beautiful or cute they were#the moment of seeing the painting of sokka's mom? how did you manage to make it so telling character wise--so sweet so PAINful AND so#cute with their relationship?!!?!#'oh so you think i'm beautiful too'#GOD#i had so many scenes i wanted to draw it was crazy#also#'Our loved ones leave impressions on us that can still impact our decisions and feelings even after they're gone'#fuck. had me crying AGAIN#seriously this fic is so wonderful and not just through a zukka lens. truly life changing you're an AMAZING writer#the fandom is so lucky to have you and i can't Believe it took me so long to get around to reading this masterpiece
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TSC 2 IS CALLED THE GOLDEN RAVEN AND JEAN'S BIRTHDAY IS 11/9 TO MIRROR NEIL'S 1/19 BECAUSE THEY'RE CONNECTED EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP I CAN'T HANDLE THIS AT 3 AM







#i have so many things to do tomorrow how am i supposed to function like this#NORA WHAT????#AAAAAAA#i really bitch about that woman 24/7 but the moment she starts posting again i act like i've just received a prophecy from GOD#I MISSED JEAN'S BIRTHDAY THO FUCK I'LL DRAW HIM TOMORROW GUYS I SWEAR#and i'm working on a kevjean fic i'll post... at some point? idk i'm barely halfway done#i've been adding to it sporadically when work is slow#anyway#aftg#all for the game#jean moreau#aftg trilogy#the sunshine court#the golden raven#tsc#jean yves moreau#neil josten
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can u believe that back in the day it really must have been like...
viago: you threw my pet snake out a window in my dream and just so you know I will be holding it against you personally and indefinitely. so first of all, how dare you, secondly --
lucanis Beholding him while he rants: ...I want to kiss him under the pale moonlight
#sometimes good things do come along in life and this was one specifically for me#good I was fucking due for one#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#viago de riva#I've been trying to figure out for myself if illario understood what was going on at that time. he must have right#or is lucanis courtship behaviour simply that inscrutable. did the person who knows him best also not understand what that was about#I feel like he MUST have known. but if so he did not intercede on the whole 'sending the most paranoid man in thedas a knife' plan#was he sitting back and eating popcorn for that whole thing or did he at least try to help out.#was he as lost as anyone else in thedas but teia as to how you'd even go about unbuttoning that guy enough to get anything going#I'm trying to decide whether it's funnier to me if illario knew or if he didn't you know how it is. I am guided by the northern star#of whatever I find the most obscurely amusing at any given moment at all times
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nobody asked but my hot take is that i think kon's struggles with
being literally made to be superman
being given roles and expectations (as a hero/boyfriend/etc) based on that/how he looks and squeezing himself down into those expectations
being torn between duty/obligation (even and perhaps especially of the self-imposed variety) and his own sense of self
feeling like he outlived his purpose after coming back from the dead and not knowing what he's supposed to be now that he's done the superman thing (maybe even feeling like he needs the unbearable weight of expectation because without a job to do or a box to fit into he might dissolve into nothing because he's always avoided examining who he is when there's nobody he has to be i wonder why that is)
could. uh. y'know. all that could be read as quite...queer. in a pretty genderful way. but what do i know.
#and i do know it's a headcanon but like i feel justified calling it a headcanon and not a headfanon#anyways! gnc kon for the win yippee#actually no i have two more points for the tags#1. atp i believe that queer kon will almost certainly never be canon#honestly halfway relieved by that because they'd probably fuck it up but that's another post#my actual point here is...why do you think that might be? because me personally i think it's almost entirely because#dc is terrrrrified by the possibility of anyone seeing superman as being even a little bit queer ever at all#and kon is forced to be beholden to those expectations too because he is clark's clone and no one knows how to be fucKING NORMAL ABOUT IT#but hey doesn't that sound strangely like my first two bullet points#our boy is being forced into boxes both watsonian and doylist somebody get him outta there#2. i am thinking about kon's tshirt and jeans rebrand#and then i'm thinking about when i first had the merest tiniest inkling of awareness that i was trans#i went OH FUCK and rebranded HARD to match my agab as best as i possibly could for YEARS until i couldn't ignore it anymore#(well. now that i'm out i know that's what i did and why but i DEFINITELY didn't have that self awareness in the moment)#anyway those two thoughts could have no parallels whatsoever. like i said what do i know.#obligatory “i know there's no objective/definitive take and some will think this take is bad and that's okay” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#kon#kon el#kon-el#conner kent#superboy#dc#sae originals
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JET LAG THE GAME | Benjamin 'cardinal directions and vibes' Doyle (1 / ?)
#jet lag the game#jltg#ben doyle#myedits#if you don't love ben then truly madly deeply i do not understand you#i want to pick him up and put him in my pocket#narrowing down my favourite ben moments to six for this thing?#the literal horrors#hence the 1/?#this will continue#i'm not even going to pretend to be remotely sorry#these idiots have taken over my brain#this one in particular#ride-or-die teamben#but then also team badam#but then also my discord is corrupting me with other combinations 🤨#fyi for anyone annoyed that my gifs are so long because apparently people get annoyed about things like that#because people are stupid#my very autistic visually sensitive brain finds it so FUCKING uncomfortable to watch 3 second gifs#i like them longer - so - you know - if you do too then cool and you're welcome! and if you don't then ... eh
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