#i have so many things to do tomorrow how am i supposed to function like this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starryeyedstray · 7 months ago

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fic premise: when hank and connor reunite and hug it out at chicken feed, hank realizes that deviancy isn't the only new thing about connor. he's got trauma now too.

In the aftermath of the Android Revolution, Connor had been busy. His missions were clear: organize security and make New Jericho safe for androids. That was clear. Many days were spent organizing and meeting and talking and surveilling and patrolling and discussing. Androids didn’t need sleep. They could just keep performing tasks endlessly. And so that’s what Connor did. He kept going and going. Distracting himself. Completing his missions. It wasn’t that Connor was hesitant to go into stasis. That he was reminded how he would go into stasis every time he reported to Cyberlife. Every time he was in the Zen Garden. Every time he saw Amanda. He wasn't afraid that if he went into stasis they would seize control again. Connor was just busy. Busy completing his new missions.

And then 3 weeks passed. And then suddenly he was told to rest.

“I’ve seen you working Connor. You haven’t stopped and I know you’re up doing patrols while the rest of us go into stasis,” Markus said one day when it felt like things were finally settling down. “You need a break.”

“Markus, I don't need a break. I can function optimally as I am.”

“I’m not taking no for an answer. I’m telling you to rest. Take a break for a day. You can get back to fulfilling your role here tomorrow. Now go rest.”

Connor knew he could probably persist or ignore his orders. But Connor vowed to make up for what he had done in the past by helping Markus. And if Markus was issuing a command, he was going to follow through.

“Got it,” he replied.

“Thank you. See you here tomorrow.”

Connor left the warehouse that was New Jericho’s temporary HQ and started walking. He could stick around New Jericho, but he knew some deviants still felt discomforted by his presence. Plus, with how crowded it was, it'd be difficult to find a place for him to idle without bothering anyone. And he didn't like being idle anyway.

He considered calling for a cab, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to do that anymore. Cyberlife had covered any extraneous costs that were incurred while he worked on cases, but now that he severed himself from Cyberlife he was certain that they would not be covering those expenses. Besides, he didn’t know where he wanted to go. So he just walked. He flipped his coin absently as he did. He was supposed to be taking a break. But he had no where to go. When he went deviant, he lost all directive. He could no longer go back to Cyberlife.

He flipped his coin as he came at an intersection. Heads was left. Tails was right. Heads. He did that many times until he realized that he was near somewhere familiar. A soft snow had begun falling and Connor realized he was approaching Chicken Feed, the food truck Hank had taken him to when they worked together. Hank.

Connor had not seen Hank since the night of the Android Revolution. In the midst of all the androids awakening another at the Cyberlife Tower, Connor suggested that Hank leave since it could get dangerous. Hank agreed and Connor escorted him out of the building along with the army of new deviants.

Before Hank got in the car that the other Connor had tricked him into driving here, Connor announced, “Lieutenant, I regret to inform you that I will no longer be your partner at the DPD. I only worked there under the collaborative directive between the DPD and Cyberlife. I have since terminated my associations with Cyberlife.”

“No shit, kid.”

Connor hesitated before continuing. “I’m sorry you got dragged into all of this, but I really did enjoy our time together, Hank. Perhaps, we will meet again.”

Hank grasped his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Come visit me, kid. When things have settled down. You know where to find me.”

“Past experience suggests that you are not always where you're supposed to be,” Connor said a hint of a smile on his lips.

Hank laughed, “That never stopped you from finding me before.”

The likelihood of Hank being here at the same time as Connor was very low. The food truck wouldn't be open and many humans have already evacuated Detroit. In fact, the probability of Hank being here while Connor was at this time of day was 0.8%. But Connor rounded the corner anyway. He had nowhere else to be. He was supposed to be on a break. And then he saw something in the distance. A large figure cutting against the white backdrop of the snow.

Connor quickened his pace. A scan confirmed it. It was Hank. Hank turned as if expecting him and took a few steps toward him. They stopped short a couple feet of each other. Connor was unsure of what to say. He wasn’t sure what he should say. But Hank cracked a smile and Connor couldn’t help but crack one too. The lieutenant then stepped forward and pulled him into a hug. Connor had never hugged before. But he instinctually lifted his arms to reciprocate the hug. Hank's hand was at his neck holding him in place and it felt... comforting.

They stayed quiet before Hank finally released him. Hank had been worried that the revolution was gonna fail somehow. That he was going to lose Connor. It hadn’t and he hadn’t. Everything turned out okay for the most part. Hank opted to hold Connor out at arm's length, hands on his shoulders. “It's been awhile. Thought you had forgotten about me.”

“Androids don't forget unless our memory is reset.”

“It’s just an expression.” Hank grinned. “Surprised you found me out here at this time of day.”

“I was not seeking you… It happened by chance.”

Hank furrowed his eyebrows. “Seriously?”

“I was told to take a break. So I walked and arrived here.”

Hank laughed. “They told you to take a break, eh? I’m taking one too. What do they got you doing out there?”

They began a slow walk around the area as they swapped stories. The DPD was in chaos with all the precinct changes and trying to manage the evacuation and handling looters and protesters. It was difficult work.

“The workload would be a helluva lot easier if you still worked there.”

“I did increase your productivity by 87% while we were partners.”

“You pull those number out of your ass?”

“It was based off performance re—”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Hank said with a nonchalant hand wave. He had learned it was better to just cut off Connor sometimes. Hank eyed the darkening sky and the increased snowfall. “Let’s go. The snows really piling on.”

And indeed it did. The snow fell faster quickly after. The temperature dropping that even Connor’s HUD showed a warning that he would soon be outside of optimal operation range. The wind picked up a flurry of snow wrapping around him. It felt cold.

And he was back in the Zen Garden. A figure appeared in front of him through the blizzarding snow. It was Amanda. “We just had to wait for the right moment to resume control of your program."

...

Hank began to quickly shuffle to his car as the snow and wind began to bluster around him. “Damn, might not be able to drive if it gets any worse,” he called back.

No response.

He turned and saw Connor had fallen behind him a bit. “Con—”

A bright pulsing red LED caught Hank’s attention. Something was wrong. Hank ran over. “Connor!” he called. Connor’s eyelids were fluttering. His arms wrapped protectively around himself. He grasped Connor’s shoulders and shook him. “Connor? What’s wrong? Connor!” he called. The once gentle snow becoming a blizzard.

Connor finally responded to the haphazard shaking. His eyes rapidly blinking until they finally focused on the lieutenant. LED shifting to yellow. “Hank?”

“C’mon kid,” he called as he pulled Connor toward the car. They entered and Hank turned it on. The storm made the visibility low so they would have to wait it out for now before driving home.

Hank dusted off some of the snow and eyed Connor who still seemed a bit unfocused. His LED spun yellow 3 more times before switching back to blue.

“What the hell happened back there?”

“What are you referring to, Lieutenant?”

“You stopped back there and.. your light was red. What happened?”

Connor looked away. His blue light turning yellow briefly as he thought. Hank could see the glow off the window. “I don’t know.” His arms were still tightly wrapped around his chest. Remembering the cold.

“Is it too cold or something?” Hank questioned. He didn’t really know how androids worked, but maybe they weren’t supposed to be out in the snow for that long. Hell, Connor was wearing just that thin blazer he always wore. He must be cold. Hank began taking off his jacket and turned up the heater.

“I am functional until temperatures drop below zero degrees Fahrenheit.”

Hank tossed him his jacket.

“I assure you that you need a jacket more than I do. Androids don’t feel the effects of the cold unless its well below freezing.”

“Well, ya look cold.”

“Lieutenant—”

“Just put it on.”

The car’s temperature was warm enough for a human to be relatively comfortable even without a jacket so Connor obliged to appease Hank.

Hank sighed. “So if it wasn’t the cold, what caused your err… malfunction?” He wasn’t sure what word he should use to describe what happened to Connor.

Connor wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell the truth or lie. He considered Hank a friend. Previously, it had been a part of his programming to cooperate with his partner. But now there was no end goal or reason to remain close to Hank. They weren’t solving a case. But Connor still wanted his company.

“A recording of a memory replayed in my head that I had not pulled up intentionally.” His LED was spinning yellow.

“A recording of a memory… so like a flashback?”

“That is the equivalent human experience.”

“I take it, it wasn’t a very good memory.”

Connor closed his eyes. LED flashing. Yellow. Red. Yellow. He opened his eyes again. “It was not.”

Hank studied Connor’s face. It was neutral now, but not the usual neutral face he usually sported. There was a lightness to that neutral face. A brightness in his eyes. There was tension in this one. His eyes flickered to Connor’s reflection in the opposite window. LED still yellow.

Could androids get PTSD? If their brains were wired like a humans, maybe they could. There were cases where androids would go through trauma and injury causing them to deviate and they were sent for reprogramming. Or disassembled. It had been so natural at the time, but the thought of that now made his stomach turn. There was no way in hell he’d let that happen to Connor. They’d find another solution. But what the hell would Connor even find traumatic?

Hank recalled the first time he had remembered it turning red. This was before he learned what the colors really meant. He had seen interrogated android’s LEDs flicker red or yellow previously so he knew what it generally meant stress or something. But he never gave it much thought. Until he saw Connor’s go red.

Against Hank’s orders, Connor had dived into the middle of gunfire to try to read a deviant’s memories. The deviant shot himself in the head and Hank had come running after Connor panicked that he had been injured. He grabbed the android to see if he was hurt. And berated him with a mix of anger and relief when Connor said he was okay. And then Connor admitted he was scared. And Hank hesitated. Noticed the red LED for the first time. Before Hank could even come up with something to say, Connor was back to his usual self. Focus. Driven. Blue LED. Back to the mission. Revealing the clue he had found out about Jericho. It almost gave Hank mental whiplash. He had seemed so frightened but now he was back to normal. At the time, he figured androids didn’t hold onto trauma like that. But now, he suspected Connor was just really good at pushing it down for the sake of the mission.

He later learned that red was an indicator of severe distress. So he started paying attention to the color of Connor’s LED.

The second time he had seen Connor’s LED go red was when they were at Kamski’s house. Hank didn’t like Kamski. Everything about him screamed he was a pompous asshole living in his ivory tower. Him and his fucking Kamski Test. Connor had almost shot that android girl. But despite Kamski’s persistence, he relented, his LED flashing red. Hank was so relieved he hadn’t really noticed at the time. Not until he was back in the car driving back to the station.

It was strange. Even with a gun to his face and his life on the line, Connor’s LED only ever was yellow. Real physical danger never seemed to distress Connor. Feeling scared. Feeling empathy. Those are what had distressed Connor. What made his LED flash red. Acknowledging emotions before he had deviated. So what emotion had triggered it today?

“Do you want to talk about it?” The snowstorm had lightened up; the blizzard passing. A light flurry of snow remained.

Yellow. Red. Yellow. If Hank hadn’t been staring he would have missed it.

“No.”

Hank sighed. He knew what it was like for people to pry so he wouldn’t. “Let’s go to my place.”

-end-

hope y'all enjoyed this piece!! it's part of a larger fic i've been working on but haven't made much progress recently. i haven't been writing much lately (too focused on drawing) but wanted to release this and maybe get some motivation to finish the fic haahahhah.

#dbh fanfic #hank #connor #mine #detroit become human #detroit: become human #dbh #d:bh #dbh connor #dbh rk800 #connor rk800 #dbh hank #dbh hank anderson #hank anderson #anderfam #writers on tumblr

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mer-acle · 16 days ago

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Howdy! (< You would think I started saying this because I'm an American but It actually came from asgore undertale hsgshsj)

1, Read the post you made about Athenas law stuff, and you could just have it be that Athenas an overachiever and reads ahead in the books so to speak; in that she studies law things on the side before she gets taught them in class so she can be prepared early. This would probably happen if she finishes work early in a class, like she got done with her assignments and has a half hour to kill so she continues teaching herself law stuff instead of just relaxing for a minute. Or she learns stuff when she has time off "for fun" (<kinda reminds me of one of my friends, who taught herself trigonometry over a 4 day weekend for fun, but she actually likes math because whenever I make a friend it's usually the most neurodivergent person in the room, {<aka the only person who understands me properly} sooo. Not quite Athena Ig)

2, I would help with figuring out school stuff, but I am not old enough to be in college yet, and new Mexico is rated 50 in the country for education, so I'm not the best source I suppose. It's ranked 50 for pre k - 12 but higher for higher education, cus college is decently good here actually, not like I'd know from experience tho. It's also ranked 50 for public safety and internet access :D, yippee /sarc our highest ranking is a 4 though, because we have very little pollution evidently. :]

3, I feel like I would probably not have learned anything as a child if I didn't like learning, cuz I taught myself probably at least half of what I know (which is why I know far too many nature facts and far too little about stuff like how to take care of a home, or how to find the area of a circle. No clue what a cosine means cuz I did not care enough to learn about that properly, but I can tell you like 30 facts about flamingos)

4, With the whole history thing it reminded me of something. I remember back in middle school I would procrastinate on quite a few assignments, and I would actually spend a long time watching YouTube videos that were pretty educational. Instead of doing my math work I would be watching a video on the Irish potato famine or something with my headphones in, because I didnt want to cause problems in class or anything, I just couldn't focus. I got good grades back then because it would get to be like the day before a project was due, and I would just get it all done at once, turn it in, and apparently do good work when I'm panicking and doing an entire assignment at far-too-late-o'clock, but nowadays I don't get good grades. Because. My brain throws hammers at me when I exist, so I use up all my daily "being functional points" on doing things like eating food and generally appearing like a person and not a stressed out bedraggled coyote someone just dragged in from a rainstorm. So its possible Athena also did that kinda thing, and was learning history in class when she wasn't supposed to, or if she was either a better student than me/ too scared of consequences, she would just do that after she got all her work done.

(4.1, side note, one of the channels I watched was extra credits, specifically their extra history series, it's good :] recently I was watching their series on the only woman to be empress in China {<it mightve been a different country in Asia, can't quite remember, it's been like a week or 2} and it's very dramatic, lots of intrigue and stuff, feels like a soap opera almost)

5, I've got some owl related stuff that I kinda wanna share, but I also have other stuff i need to do rn so I'll write about that tomorrow probably. A lot of it applies to actually-a-goddess Athena too, so that's fun, I'm talking about her outside the modern au :>

6, Happy Easter! Do they have Easter in Germany? If it exists over there I wonder if the traditions are any different. I'm pretty sure once I saw a post which said that peeps aren't A Thing outside america, and people were Horrified about them, and it's kinda interesting heheh.

(6.1, man thinking about peeps made me think about marshmallows generally, and then s'mores, and apparently y'all don't have those because y'all don't have graham crackers, and that honestly kinda sucks cus they're really good. Ares and Athena making s'mores together would be fun. Whether they're making them over like, an actual campfire, or making sucky s'mores using the microwave/maybe stove in their apartment. You could probably make s'mores with peeps now that I think about it, but I don't think that would taste as good

7, another long ask, but because I saw a different post where an asker numbered the stuff and it made it easier to answer, I numbered the paragraphs c:,. If you wanna be we can be weird online friends :D, sorry that I'm a cryptid who scurries around in the leaf litter of the internet like a tenrec instead of talking to people like a well adjusted human being. The ordeal of being known is mortifying after all :V!

-🌻 (my Easter was kinda sucky, this morning I just kinda awkwardly sat next to my breakfast for like 2 hours instead of eating it because the concept of putting the nice food that I enjoy into my mouth was not something my brain could get behind evidently, so I just put it in the fridge, then I went to IHOP with my family. And proceeded to sit there in the car as my parents argued while we sat outside waiting for like 25 minutes cuz apparently everyone wants to go to IHOP on Easter for some reason. I mean something that's interesting is that it snowed recently even through it's the middle of April. {Our seasons are hot, actually predictably nice going into chilly, cold and sad and grey and dry, and chaos/mud} but today it was like 60° out {16~C} and while I was sitting in the parking lot I could see the air wigging from heat above the cars in front of us, with snow on the mountains in the background. Kinda weird! Neat. The snow sticks around on the mountains cuz they're colder than the basin that Albuquerque sits in, due to being higher up. And the temperature can range so drastically cuz there's barely any humidity and NM generally is very high in altitude, so the sun can blast us and heat things up very fast, but the air doesn't retain heat so it also cools down really fast. Also the lowest altitude I'm regularly at is when I'm in Albuquerque, which is like 5000 something feet in the air, and the highest city in Germany is like 3000 feet in the air, so assuming you're in a city and not at the peak of a mountain or something, I'm at least 2000 feet above you at any given moment. Be very afraid /lh >:3)

Gods this ask is long and I went on tangents about me and the place I live in so often (I actively stopped and googled stuff for research purposes augh) I'm sorry ':D anyways farewell :2

Greetings and salutations 😉 (Yeah this is not a german greeting lmao)

Ohh yes you would definitely do that I just think that she would not be comfortable with calling herself a law student anyway because imposter syndrome, I think it's far more likely Ares would be like “my sister the law student” and Athena would always correct him. (Neurodivergent people just get it it is true, what's one supposed to do?) But yeah I totally see her preparing for law school in that way and increasing her workload even though that should not be even possible because she also has a job O.O

Ah, You know I go to college and I barely know how it works lol obviously I go to college in Germany but at the same time I also don't know how German college works XD Thing is that Germany is divided into different states not quite unlike the US and all of the education systems are completely different so if somebody was like so how is school in Berlin I would be like I have no idea if they have schools /silly

So real tho. I was way too anxious about school so I kept up with classes pretty well but I cannot tell you what a cosine is it’s been like 5 years since I graduated lol

*ADHD has entered the chat* in school I used to be pretty punctual about my assignments like I would not do them super early but not super late either and I didn't have to study a lot (which is why my father still calls me lazy to this day even though an A is an A no matter how much you have to study for it… anyway) college I have totally adopted the “we pass we win” mindset because I cannot do anything more than that, so I feel you. I remember learning about the spoon thing with how many functional points you have available per day last year when I was in my internship and I was like there is no way that work is only 4 spoons out of 12 I am dying over here. Still applies honestly. Virtual hug <33 I firmly believe that Athena was the kind of person to read history books in her dorm room after class because well she already had the nerd image, there was no saving it now, might as well.

Owl stuffff

Thank you, to you as well :D Yes Easter is a thing in Germany. I don't know much about the traditions in other countries or honestly even in other families from mine, but we have egg hunt, chocolate, and the Easter bunny. There's also a more openly religious tradition where you make a lamb-shaped cake in reference to Jesus but that depends on how religious your family is ig. Peeps are indeed not a thing here please don't kill me XD They look adorable though. Hey candy that might be more unique to Easter in Germany might be these fondant eggs, they're just pure sugar I used to love them but my current pack is still half-full lmao. For my family specifically we all come together on Easter and my grandma makes this buffet of food (insert me looking for a translation for it) uhhh so it’s nothing cooked, just bread and stuff to put on the bread lol Cold dinner is a big thing where I live and that’s our big easter tradition. :D (6.1, yeah we don’t really have those unfortunately. I had like Marshmallows that were not cold from the package like. Once. Lol. Have mercy on me. But yeah Ares and Athena need these microwave/stove smores they feel very “student” to me lol like instant noodles)

Yess thank you for numbering them it makes my structure-craving brain so much less anxious lol yayyy I acquired a cryptid friend :D *happy Tasha noises*

(damn I so feel the breakfast thing… food is weird. oh yay the family just being family, lovely :/ Damn snow at that time of year… it’s so warm here already, we’re at almost 20°C (68°F) I was wearing a dinosaur tshirt yesterday and regretted my undershirt lol damn you are above me :< how rude. Let me check how high up my city is lol… yeah okay my city is 1250 feet above sea-level apparently LMAO Lol I googled stuff too lmao)

byeee

#epic athena #tasha asks #epic fanfic #greek mythology #greek gods #athena #silent wars modern au

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yokumirumerafan · 2 months ago

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Metori Saiko x reader

OK, wtf do I write here? Just read.

💰 Metori Saiko x Shorty S/O Headcanons 💎

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KISS YOU FROM UP HERE?!" – Metori dramatically complains about the height difference ALL THE TIME (but secretly loves it).

"I, the GREAT METORI SAIKO, should not have to bend down for kisses! You should just grow taller!"

(But the moment you stand on your tiptoes to kiss him? He’s blushing and speechless 😳💖).

YOU. GET. SPOILED. ROTTEN.

"Oh, you couldn't reach something? Say no more." Buys you a whole new house with shorter counters.

Literally hires someone to follow you around just to grab things off high shelves 💀.

Carries You Like a Royal Treasure.

He REFUSES to let you struggle because "My lover should not suffer!"

You get tired on a walk? BOOM. PRINCESS CARRY.

Crowded room? He scoops you up immediately and says, "Peasants should NOT touch my beloved!"

Height Difference Photos = CHAOS.

Tries to make you wear platform shoes for couple photos.

(If you refuse, he just lifts you up instead 💀).

Nicknames? TOO MANY.

"Tiny Diamond."

"My Precious Little Gem."

"Fun-Sized Fortune."

"Pocket-Sized Royalty."

If Anyone Calls You Short? THEY'RE DONE.

"EXCUSE ME? How DARE you insult my precious one’s divine stature?!"

(Proceeds to destroy their entire family’s financial future 💀).

Him Being a Drama Queen Over It.

"MY LOVE, THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE IS TOO GREAT, I SIMPLY CANNOT FUNCTION!"

Meanwhile, you're just 5'4 and he's acting like you're 3 feet tall 💀💀💀.

Gets JEALOUS When People Call You Cute.

"ONLY I MAY COMPLIMENT MY BELOVED, AWAY WITH YOU, COMMONER!"

"You Don’t Need to Lift a Finger, My Short Queen/King."

He REFUSES to let you do any work because "That is beneath you!"

(You literally try to grab a spoon and suddenly he’s ordering servants to get it for you 😭).

Secretly Adores the Height Difference.

When you’re asleep, he cuddles you and mumbles "So small… so perfect for me…".

💎 Metori Saiko x (Fem!Reader) – Cuddling Chaos 💎

The grand, oversized silk sheets of Saiko’s ridiculously luxurious bed barely move as you shift slightly in your sleep. The air is cool, the scent of expensive cologne lingers in the air, and the soft glow of golden chandeliers dimly lights the enormous bedroom.

Metori, the self-proclaimed most powerful, handsome, and RICH boyfriend in the world, is currently losing his mind over how perfectly you fit in his arms.

He stirs awake slightly, feeling the warmth of your body snuggled against him. His arms, already wrapped around your waist, instinctively pull you even closer. He can’t help himself.

"Tch… so small… so soft…" he mumbles sleepily, voice groggy but affectionate.

Your head barely reaches his chest, and he’s obsessed with how tiny you feel against him.

His hands, warm and gentle, trace slow, lazy circles on your back, a rare softness in his touch. Normally, he’s boastful, extravagant, and a complete drama king, but here, in the quiet of the night, he just holds you. No riches, no fancy cars, no gold—just you.

He lets out a quiet sigh, burying his face in your hair. "My precious, tiny diamond…" he murmurs, voice slightly slurred with sleep.

You stir a little, blinking up at him with sleepy, half-lidded eyes. "Metori…?" you mumble, barely awake.

His heart STUTTERS.

You look so adorable, he might just die. 💀💖

"Shhh, my love, go back to sleep," he coos, pressing a slow, lingering kiss to your forehead. "You must rest your beautiful, delicate form—after all, I shall be the one to carry you around tomorrow, as always~."

You let out a sleepy giggle, nuzzling closer into his chest.

"Metori, you’re so warm…" you whisper, half-dazed.

BOOM. BUTTERFLIES.

"O-Obviously! I am the embodiment of warmth and perfection!" he huffs, but his arms squeeze you tighter. His cheeks? Flushed.

Your breathing slows, and within minutes, you’re asleep again—completely safe, wrapped in the arms of your overly dramatic but secretly soft billionaire boyfriend.

Metori stays awake for a little longer, just admiring you. His fingers ghost over your cheek, his lips brushing your temple as he lets out a content sigh.

"Mine… my perfect little treasure," he whispers, before finally drifting off, completely wrapped around you.

💎 Metori Saiko, The Human Heater & Simp, Has Logged Off. 💎

🏀 Metori Saiko x reader – Basketball Chaos (Saiki K. AU) 🏀

The gymnasium buzzes with excitement as Class 2 gets ready for a basketball match. Metori Saiko leans against the wall, arms crossed, looking absolutely disgusted at the mere thought of participating in such a… commoner’s activity.

"Ugh. Sports? Really? I could just pay professionals to play for me. This is beneath me," he scoffs, flicking his perfectly styled blonde hair.

Then, you walk in.

Wearing a cute basketball skirt and a fitted jersey, you stride onto the court with pure confidence, spinning a basketball on your finger like it’s second nature.

"Alright, guys! Let’s do this!" you chirp, grinning excitedly as you stretch.

Silence.

The boys IMMEDIATELY enter drool mode. 💦🤤

Nendou? Jaw dropped. Kuboyasu? Blushing and sweating. Kaidou? Literally malfunctioning.

Even the random background dudes are straight-up SIMPING. The thirst is REAL.

Saiki? Watching everything unfold like: ☕👁️👄👁️ "This is by far the dumbest thing I've witnessed today."

And Metori? Ohhhhhh he’s FUMING. 💀💰

"Tch, you absolute IMBECILES, stop gawking at my girlfriend like she’s some sort of—" he grumbles, but the more attention you get, the angrier he gets.

And that’s why—for the first time ever—Metori Saiko decides to play basketball.

"Fine. I suppose I shall grace the court with my presence." He tosses his expensive-ass designer coat aside, rolling up his sleeves dramatically. _"Prepare to be dazzled by my superior skill."_

"Dude, do you even know how to play?" you ask, raising an eyebrow.

"OF COURSE! I’ve hired professionals to train me in every field of expertise!" he snaps, but his first dribble bounces off his foot and rolls away.

Cue the entire class staring. 👁️👄👁️

"...That was just a warm-up." Metori huffs, cheeks slightly red.

Meanwhile, Teruhashi watches from the sidelines, seething with jealousy. 😤💢

"Why is everyone looking at her?! Aren’t they supposed to be worshipping ME?!" she mutters under her breath.

Saiki, reading her thoughts: "God, why do I have to be here?"

Then the game begins—and oh boy, Metori has zero idea what he’s doing, but he’s determined to outshine everyone.

He tries to dunk? Misses completely. Passes the ball? Hits Nendou in the face. Tries to impress you? Trips over his own feet but plays it off like he meant to.

But every time you score a point, the guys cheer, and that fuels his RAGE. 😡🔥

"Tch, look at her, showing off… I must be better!" he mutters, getting even more competitive.

Eventually, you steal the ball from him with ease, grinning.

"Better luck next time, rich boy~" you tease, winking before scoring another effortless shot.

Metori DIES.

His ego? SHATTERED. His pride? CRUSHED. His heart? THUMPING. 💘

Saiki watches the disaster unfold, mentally checking out. "This entire scenario is absurd."

By the end of the game, Metori is exhausted, sweaty, and incredibly salty, but when you walk up to him, wiping your forehead with your jersey, he immediately melts.

"You did good out there, Metori. Maybe next time, I’ll let you win," you tease, patting his cheek.

And just like that—he decides basketball is his new favorite sport. 💖

Teruhashi? Still furious. Saiki? Still questioning his life choices. Metori? Still lovesick.

🏀 Game over. You win. 🏀

The Metori Saiko Transfer Arc (From “Ew, a Rich Boy” to “Y/N L/N is His GF”)

It’s the first day of the new semester, and the whole class is buzzing with excitement. A new student has transferred in. You, however, are completely uninterested. You’ve dealt with your fair share of rich, spoiled, and arrogant students in your time at school—and you’re done with them.

You walk into class, dragging your feet, already mentally preparing for the usual—more snobbish, entitled rich kids who think they can get away with anything.

And then, he walks in.

Metori Saiko.

He strides in like he owns the place, wearing an expensive tailored suit, his blonde hair perfectly styled, and his gold watch glinting under the light. He doesn’t even have to say anything—his entire presence screams "wealthy".

The girls in the class are immediately swooning. 🥴

Your thoughts, however, are a bit… different.

"Ugh, another rich boy… I'd rather date a rat than some fancy, overprivileged snob like him." You roll your eyes internally. “Who does he think he is? He’s probably just another spoiled brat who thinks his money makes him special.”

Metori, of course, takes one glance at you—and his eyes widen for just a second, but he quickly composes himself.

He’s definitely intrigued by you, but you have no idea.

After a couple of weeks, you start noticing something strange.

He’s everywhere.

He’s always around, offering to carry your books, making sure you’re getting the best seats, and even ordering lunch for you (because why not, right? He can probably buy the whole cafeteria). It’s a little… weird, but honestly, you can’t help but feel a tiny bit of annoyance at how persistent he is.

You start avoiding him, making sarcastic remarks, but he’s relentless. He even starts showing up at random places you hang out, like the library, and insists on sitting next to you. At first, you don’t think much of it—he’s just being the annoying rich guy who thinks he can buy anyone’s attention.

But then, one day, after yet another round of him buying lunch for you and getting overly charming, you hear something that shocks you to your core.

"Did you hear? Y/N L/N is dating Metori Saiko!"

Wait, what?

You turn to see a group of your classmates gossiping. One of them says, “No way, right? They’ve been seen together so much lately. It’s practically official.”

Your jaw almost hits the floor.

"W-What?! No! This can’t be happening!"

You’re literally in denial. You remember how much you hated him when he first arrived. Why would you ever end up with him?

But then it hits you—he’s been getting under your skin in the most persistent, unrelenting way. The way he looks at you. The way he makes you feel oddly… important. He’s been consistent, but more than that, he’s been kind in ways that no one else has. He doesn’t care about how others see him, or that you make sarcastic remarks to push him away. He genuinely wants to be with you.

And that’s when it happens—the truth finally clicks.

Metori comes over to you after school one day, his usual smug grin on his face.

"Well, well, seems like everyone’s talking about us," he says, raising an eyebrow.

You can’t even respond at first, too stunned by how right they were.

"Y/N, I know you don’t like to admit it, but I think I’ve won you over. What do you say we make it official?" He winks.

You, trying to hide your flustered face, cross your arms and look away, still in a bit of denial.

"Whatever, Metori. But if you ever do that ‘buying me lunch every day’ thing again, I’ll report you for harassment."

He smirks—a glint of victory in his eyes.

"Aha, too late. Everyone already knows. So how about it? Officially my girlfriend?"

Your heart races. Your mind says “no,” but your body is screaming “yes.”

"Fine. But don’t get used to it, rich boy."

Metori laughs, completely pleased with himself as he wraps an arm around your shoulder.

"You’re mine now, Y/N L/N. Don’t think you’re getting away that easily."

And so it begins. The class now knows you’re dating Metori Saiko, the rich boy who everyone thought was untouchable—and somehow, despite everything, you’re his girlfriend.

Scene: "Done with the Day"

It’s been one of those days. You’re barely holding on by the thread of your sanity. Between the drama in class, all the annoying little comments, and the usual nonsense that comes with being a student, you’re just over it.

You walk out of class, eyes heavy with exhaustion, your shoulders slumped. You mutter under your breath, “I’m so fucking done with this...”

The walk to your next class feels like it takes forever, but before you even make it to the next hall, a soft voice stops you in your tracks.

"Y/N."

You roll your eyes. It’s Metori. Of course, he’d be the one to show up at just the right moment, in his perfectly tailored outfit, completely oblivious to the world’s chaos.

"Hey, I saw you walking out and I thought you could use a break."

You’re about to protest, about to tell him you don’t need a break, that you’re fine, but he’s already one step ahead. He’s reaching out, pulling you into his side with a gentle arm around your waist, guiding you down the hall. You raise an eyebrow, annoyed, but secretly grateful for the break from the chaos.

"I know, I know. It’s been a tough day."

Before you know it, he’s already leading you to his room. The door creaks open, and you’re instantly greeted by the overwhelming comfort of his rich-ass bed. It’s plush, the kind of bed you could sink into forever, and somehow, before you even know it, you’re lying back on the soft sheets.

Metori stands over you for a moment, looking down at you with his usual cool gaze, but there’s a tenderness there too. He’s not just his usual rich, cocky self right now. He’s soft—for you.

"Get comfy," he says with a slight smirk, but there’s a warmth in his eyes.

You groan, rolling onto your side, sinking deeper into the bed. "I’m so done with this day... I don’t even care anymore," you mumble.

Metori chuckles softly as he climbs in next to you, pulling the sheets up over both of you. He wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you against his chest. His body warmth radiates through you, and you can’t help but melt into him.

"I know, sweetheart. Let’s forget about it all for a while."

He pulls you closer, his fingers tracing patterns on your back. You sigh, the tension in your body slowly melting away as you relax in his embrace. The weight of the day no longer feels heavy in his arms.

"If you want, I can have my staff bring you anything you need," he says with a little teasing tone, clearly trying to make you smile.

You snort. "I don’t need anything except this right now."

Metori smirks and pulls you even closer, your head resting against his chest. You’re in your own little world now, the chaos of the day far behind. He kisses the top of your head, whispering softly, "Good. This is all you need."

And just like that, the rich boy who was once nothing more than a flashy annoyance is now your soft, comfortable escape. The world outside doesn’t matter anymore.

As you drift off, you feel safe, loved, and incredibly spoiled in the best way.

Scene: "Silent Treatment Drama"

You’re so done with Metori today. Between his usual cocky comments and his inability to take anything seriously, it’s all just too much. You’ve had enough. So, you do what anyone in your position would do: silent treatment.

He’s talking to you, as usual, with that smug smile on his face, and you just... don't respond. You cross your arms, turn your head, and keep your lips sealed. The silence is deafening to him.

At first, Metori doesn’t even notice. He goes on, casually chatting about some meaningless business deal or whatever, his voice smooth and rich as usual. But then he pauses, sensing something’s different.

"Y/N?" he calls, no response.

"Y/N?" He tries again, a little more urgently.

Still nothing.

Now, he starts to get flustered. He clears his throat and tries again, this time leaning closer to you.

"I don’t really care, you know. You can stay mad all you want."

You’re not buying it. You still don’t speak.

Metori huffs dramatically, pretending like he’s unaffected, but it’s obvious he’s starting to panic. He can’t stand this. He’s always been the one who’s used to controlling situations, and right now? He’s lost.

"Fine, fine," he says, rolling his eyes and walking off. But you know it’s just a front.

A few minutes later, he’s back with a huge shopping bag in his hand, an absolutely ridiculous amount of bags trailing behind him. He’s trying so hard to buy his way out of this.

"Here," he says, throwing a bag at you, expecting it to work. "I got you... uh, some stuff. You like stuff, right?"

You glance at the bags, uninterested, and then look back at him, still not saying a word.

His brow twitches, his perfect composure slipping. "Come on, Y/N, don't be like this. You can’t stay mad forever."

You maintain your silence.

Metori then slumps down dramatically beside you, hands on his face. "OUT OF ALL THE THINGS MONEY CAN'T FIX, WHY IS THIS ONE OF THEM?"

You look at him, finally a tiny spark of amusement in your eyes, but still keeping quiet.

He sighs deeply, rubbing his temples. "I don’t know why I thought buying you things would help. Honestly, this is bullshit. I have everything anyone could ever want—except your forgiveness."

He leans back, sulking with the most ridiculous pout on his face. You’ve never seen him so out of control. It’s honestly kind of endearing, in a weird way.

After a long, dramatic silence on his part, you finally turn to face him, breaking your silence.

"You know, you could have just apologized."

He perks up immediately, his eyes widening as if he’s been given a second chance at life. "Wait... you mean it? You’re not mad anymore?"

You nod, a small smirk playing on your lips. "Yeah, I forgive you. But that doesn’t mean I’m not still a little annoyed."

Metori smiles so widely it almost looks like he’s been released from an emotional prison. He pulls you close, wrapping his arms around you as if he’s never letting go again. "You’re impossible, but I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you."

You roll your eyes, but you can’t help but smile.

He pulls back and just glares at you a little, sulking like a child. "You’re lucky I’m good at everything else... because apparently being charming is still a work in progress."

You chuckle, brushing his hair out of his face. "Don’t worry, I’ll take care of that too."

Metori huffs again, crossing his arms dramatically. But deep down, you know he's just relieved to have you back on his side. Now, no matter what happens, he’s sulking... but it’s a sulk that says, I’ll never make you angry again.

I don't really have any more ideas on him, but ya'll know my delusions come randomly so just wait until I think of something <333

#saiko metori #saiko metori x reader #merafan

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dollsonmain · 5 months ago

Text

I don't like calling off work but I work in a position that I interact with MANY people every day and getting those people, not to mention my coworkers, sick would be a dick move.

Today would be order day for deli stuff but I'm not there and I have no idea what we do or don't have in stock because stuff keeps being moved around when I'm not there.

That's frustrating for EVERYONE. Last week Manager was like "don't make many burgers because we're about out, and don't put any in the hot case at all" and I was like "I saw a whole unopened box of burgers in the other freezer so as long as we have enough bread, we can keep up on burgers" and she was like "what the hell how did I miss that" and I was like "that's not where it's supposed to beeeeeee!!!!" then last week I was like "hey, we're about out of buns are more coming soon?" and she was like "yeah I put in the order on monday" and when I went in on thursday there were HUNDREDS. OF BUNS. IN THE COOLER. We needed like... 1 hundred for the week.

Still baffling we go through that many buns in a week but at least 5 get put into the hot case every day, and if they don't sell, then at least those 5 are discarded every day.

That Guy said that he's heard from other coworkers of his that they've been sick over the holiday, too, so he certainly brought it home from work.

I'm glad my symptoms aren't nearly as bad as his, and honestly I would probably have gone to work in this condition because I can, I can function distressingly well while ill, but am smart enough to not??? I guess??? I will probably be going to work tomorrow. I do feel better, now, though still headachey and scratchy-throated so we'll see in the morning.

Not looking forward to walking to work in 20F weather.

Either way I have this feeling that I don't need to go back to work ever because it's done and that doesn't make sense. That kind of work needs redone constantly. I guess it's because I've gotten more comfortable with the job itself and feel like I've completed an objective?

Manager mentioned that I've come out of my shell at work and pointed out that I'm doing t-rex arms a lot. That is a pretty good indicator that I've gotten used to an environment that I'm in. Mask less, t-rex arms more. She pretended to throw something at me the other day and I went noooo and flapped my t-rex arms and she lost it.

I've heard that's a thing people with ADHD do; get bored with a job and jump from one to another, like trying to do craft projects and having many WIPs running at the same time, never finishing anything.

I like having income even though I just spent a huge chunk of it, and I like having work.

I like having an excuse to leave the house and a job that puts me into micro-social interactions that aren't too taxing, especially after spending the past nearly 20 years basically alone, only interacting with Son and That Guy. I talk to all the people for a short time each day, Manager will chat with me a little bit but mostly leaves me alone out on the floor because she can, and she does admin stuff in the back (or sleeps...).

I like that I can get to this job though I don't like that to get to it I have to walk a good ways. I don't like that the only way I can have a job at all is to walk, and living in a detached suburb, that's very limiting. Even if I got a bike or something, I'd still be limited to this suburb.

I don't like how it hurts (so much...) and how I can't work on my hobbies much or keep up with my house even less, now.

I don't like how all my free time now coincides with the time that That Guy is home and he expects me to sit and watch him play video games, which is why I do yarn stuff so much. Can do that from the couch.

I haven't vacuumed in weeks.

I ran out of yarn.

I don't want to have to quit my job because it's consuming my entire life. I can barely move after work.

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queenpiranhadon · 2 years ago

Text

Just gonna vent a bit

This past week has been extremely stressful and I’m just done.

I’m a theatre kid - I love performing - and we have a show coming up this week and preparing for that is just so draining because apparently since I’m a cat and the costume they gave me has a masquerade style cat mask with ears, I’m not allowed to wear my freaking glasses and no one realizes that I have really bad eyesight - not so bad that I can’t walk or function completely - but if you were me - you’d realize how fucking terrifying it is when the world around you is blurry and you feel like you’re going dizzy except you’re not because this is just the damn body you’re born in.

To add on to all the stress, I have to maintain my grades and it’s just so exhausting because it’s like “test!” “test!” “review!” “review!” “oh you got a 96%?” “do better! you can’t keep distracting yourself with all this spending time with friends”

Mixed with “you never leave the house - why don’t you go out with friends?” Maybe it’s because YOU DONT LET ME.

And to top it all off, my dad is leaving for India tomorrow- and he just got back from another business trip within but still far in the country.

Tomorrow is also my brother’s birthday - my dad was supposed to leave yesterday, but he changed it so he could be here for my brother’s birthday.

How sweet and caring and thoughtful of him right?

And yes, I get that my dad is a very hardworking man and I’m very proud of him and his accomplishments but he never cares. It’s always about my perfect little brother who is far from perfect if you ask me. No matter what I do it’s always “be better!” “do better!” “you’ve been given a privilege and you’re putting it to waste!” With him, it’s always “we believe in you!” “we’ll help you through this!!” “no matter what, we’ll always love you.”

His punishments for doing literally terrible things are so small, yet when my parents find out I’m not straight, they give me emotional trauma for months. The little fucker literally trashed the neighbor’s front yard with a friend on purpose and then when confronted about it, lies straight through his teeth.

But here’s the real topping to the cake - yes I do love my parents, no matter how many times we may disagree on things, they are my rock and I wouldn’t be where I am without them. But this one small thing they couldn’t do for me. My dad goes out of his way to make sure he is there for my brother’s birthday but he isn’t there for mine last year. Last year when he left for a trip, he missed my musical’s show nights - had to watch it on a stupid hard drive - and when he did, he never said a goddamn thing. No “good job, your singing and acting was great!” or “I wish I could’ve been there in person!”

And even now, he’s still doing the same goddamn thing - he’s missing the show I’m doing and doesn’t feel a single ounce of remorse. All my fucking hard work for nothing.

It just fucking sucks when others seems to get what you want, what you need so easily, when you’ve worked your entire life to experience barely a ghost of what could’ve been.

And finally today, my brother is lying on the floor of my room, refusing to leave me the fuck alone even though I’ve been annoyed all day from walking around shopping for shit and sitting through church and trying to keep a clear head even though I just really want to go home and take a long nap but I can’t because the little fucker and trashing the room I spent all week trying to keep clean and my mom won’t do a goddamn thing because “it’s your brother and he’s just playing with you.”

And at this point- I’m just done. Because no one gets it. No one ever does.

And so I say something along the lines of “You’re turning — tomorrow. When I was your age, I was working hard, and auditioning and competing and you’re here lying on the floor of your older sister’s bedroom completely useless.”

And yes I admit that was a little harsh - he started crying - but my mom’s response was what got me.

She said “never call you brother useless again. Keep your achievements to yourself, you hear me?! I have never heard you this mean to anyone before.”

But she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know what I go through every day m, trying to keep my head high and my eyes looking forward even though I can’t see anything.

She doesn’t know, my dad doesn’t know, my brother doesn’t know, heck, most of my friends don’t even know. They all just think I’m a smart girl who’s never had a problem with her position, getting to where she is in life.

They don’t know how hard I work, how hard I worked, to keep my shaky feet on the ground, to keep myself standing tall when there’s nothing to keep me up.

For those who surely don’t need to know, I’ve been crying while typing all of this, and I’m exhausted so I’m ending this here.

Sorry for unexpectedly trauma dumping - I just needed shit off of my chest.

Hope y’all are doing okay!

Lotsa love from Kae <3

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l3ominor · 1 year ago

Note

candyfloss?

Candyfloss is a thing me and one of my writer friends co-author! It's essentially a crossover between both our books, where her character(Teresa) and my character (Noctis) end up meeting and falling in love! Most of it is fluff and feels and cuteness as they help each other out and are generally just adorable together. It's written like a roleplay, and takes place in one of my personal worlds.

Here's a bit of one of the scenes we wrote! Word count is 835

Noctis: I set my backpack down on the floor with a muffled thump, running a hand through my hair before flopping down on Teresa’s bed. “Whoomph… sparks, it’s been a day, hasn’t it?” I say to the air, running my hands down my face. I am gonna be sore tomorrow… but that’s what I get for spending most of the day trying to wrestle a machine into functioning. I sit up slightly, grinning a little at Teresa. “How’ve you been?” I can finally ask that, now that we’ve got Milo and Laelynn distracted and leaving us alone. Not gonna lie, I love hanging out with them, but I don’t have as much energy for that today. I mostly just wanna hang out with my favorite person.

Teresa: I grin back. His smile is infectious. I grab my book, coming to sit down on the bed beside him. “Oh, you know. Surviving. How are you doing?”

Noctis: I laugh a little, nodding. I definitely get that. “I’m doing pretty good. Spent most of today working on projects and all. I’m making some good progress on my hover stuff. I can actually get off the ground with it now. But I still have a lot of work to do on the stabilization so… I may have crashed a few times,” I rub my shoulder a little. It is a bit bruised from being landed on so many times, but it’ll be gone by tomorrow, so it’s nothing to worry about.

Teresa: “With you on it? I thought there was supposed to be standards for that type of thing, you know, testing.” I nudge his arm gently, settling back against the end of the bed. “I could heal you, probably. If it’s bugging you. I haven’t used much magic today since training hasn’t started yet…” I trail off, giving him time to respond.

Noctis: “oh yeah, there’s standards and all, and I was following them, so I didn’t get banged up too bad. Just the standard testing scrapes and bumps. But yea, how else would I test it to see if it worked? And you don’t have to worry about healing it or anything. I mean, unless you want to, I won’t stop you… but yeah it’s not too bad.” I smile a little, shrugging slightly. It really isn’t too bad but also… I kinda like it when she heals me. It feels nice and also kinda… shows that she cares.

Teresa: I reach out, taking his hand in mine. “I wouldn’t know. Unmanned tests? Drone flights? Remote control? I’m not good at the techy stuff.” I breathe out for a moment, focusing on his hand as I try to focus the everflame.

Noctis: I nod a little in thought, holding her hand. “Yeah… yeah I could do those. But then I wouldn’t really get a good feel for how it worked. Machines and computers can tell you a lot, but experience is the best teacher. At least in my opinion.”

Teresa: It’s really hard to concentrate when he’s holding my hand, or at least, find the right emotions. Warm ones are easy, when there’s casual embarrassment burning away at the tips of my ears, or surprise, or just that burbling hope and happiness melting in my chest. The cool ones are a problem, though. “If you say so.” I lean over kissing the side of his cheek before pulling away, hardly taking my attention off his hand. It’s easier to focus on when it’s a problem I’m still trying to solve. “Maybe not if it’s getting you thrown into a wall, but I believe you if you say it’s all according to plan. And I trust you to be safe.” … Most of the time. The everflame sparks in my fingers, just a drop. He was right that it wasn’t too bad, but still… it’s nice to heal him, and it’s got to be nice not to have bruises everywhere. I let it spread, dismissing it when there isn’t anything left to heal. “There,” I say, looking up. And- he’s staring at me. I look away automatically, a blush rising to my cheeks. “What?”

Noctis: I can’t stop myself from grinning a little. “Just… you’re amazing.” I say, a little breathlessly. I gently kiss the back of her hand, then smile up at her again. “Thank you,” Sparks, fire can’t even begin to describe the feeling in my chest. Gosh, I love her so much. How did I manage to get this lucky? To be with her. Her. she could have chosen anyone in the world, and she chose to say yes to me.

Teresa: My blush deepens. I can’t look at him. I pull away nudging him slightly. If I end up closer at the same time, well. There’s nothing I can do about that. There’s nothing I can say to that. “You’re a dork. Thank you.”

Noctis: I laugh, giving her hand a squeeze before reaching up to poke her in the side. “Love you,”

#l3o answers #WIPs ask game #l3o's OCs #L3ominor writing

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albywritesfiction · 2 years ago

Note

I just wanted to say, because of the latests asks about the pining of the ROs for MC, that I'm very grateful for your decision to make both Ædric and Cyfrin have pre-existing feelings for the MC.

It may seem like such a dumb thing to thank someone for, but so many IF authors seem to have that mindset that they must make everything so that the story doesn't seem to "revolve around the MC" in-universe, meaning few characters will be interested in the MC in any way from start, and more often than not they will have romances with each other / random people if the player doesn't romance them (something I always hate! - I mean, that last part). It's obviously very valid and makes sense and it's a matter of each author's preferences, but as a player it's dishearthening to see very few games cater to MY preferences in that aspect. The fact yours does is a breath of fresh air to me! So yeah, thank you for that!

Also, I'm re-asking something I had asked before because maybe the ask was eaten or you answered on a day I was very busy and I somehow missed it and couldn't find it afterward - if it's as such, could you redirect me to the other ask? I would love to know if - especially on the capital route - we can decide our MC is still in-love with Ædan despite everything? Like, I know he's not a RO since it's not reciprocal anymore! My angle is basically a MC who wouldn't be able to let go desptie the hurt, or something like that. Would be very tragic of course. I'm not planning on going that way anyway, it's mere curiosity. Oh and if you saw the ask but decided not to answer for spoiler reasons or something else, then sorry for resending! I know tumblr eats asks sometimes and that the search function, if needed to be used, is more often than not pretty evil, so I prefer to veer on the side of caution and distrust towards tumblr, and just ask again!

Hi again Konoï and Noir!

Sorry again about how long it took me to answer your last ask 😭 When I got this one I was like, 😨 I'm sorryyyyy it's queued up for tomorrow though you'll see it soon I really need to write and come up with words faster 😭

I'm also really sorry to everyone else who has sent in asks that I haven't answered yet 😭 I'm not used to having to answer more than like 3 essay question exams that are like, "How does osmosis work? Explain in 3 - 5 sentences" and this was way back in high school 😅 Now the only papers I write are research papers and laboratory reports about centrifugation, adsorption, and other similar topics 😭

So yeah, I'm really sorry again for taking such a long time to answer, but I am doing my best to answer all the great asks I've received!

Now, onto your actual ask!

I'll admit, I wasn't expecting to be thanked for the decision I made about Ædric and Cyfrin having pre-existing feelings for MC, but I'm really glad that you like it 😄 Honestly, I just went with what I thought would make sense for our two sweethearts, and it wasn't always planned that both of them would have feelings for MC 😅

Cyfrin was always meant to have been in love with MC since they were kids, but Ædric and MC's relationship was supposed to be that of friendly acquaintances (with Ædric simply admiring MC and nothing more), then he was going to fall for them throughout the first part of the story and then eventually realize his feelings somewhere in the middle. But then I eventually realized that, because I had already previously decided that he and MC had been taking almost all their lessons together, his feelings of admiration would have grown much earlier after spending so much time with MC 😅

So yeah, I'm glad that you liked what I've decided for Ædric and Cyfrin and I hope you enjoy ATE when I release Chapter 1!

#after the end #ate-if #ate-if asks #ate: mc #ate: ædric #ate: cyfrin

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nuclear-cowboy · 2 years ago

Text

Tagged by @callcenterkilljoy to do 15 questions, 15 mutuals

Were you named after anyone? My first name? No. But my middle name I stole from an actor cause I thought it was cool

When was the last time cried? Like. Earlier today. I will cry tomorrow as well. That's how it goes.

Do you have kids? Absolutely not. Please god no. I am barely a functioning person. Also I'm not old enough for this to be considered

Do you use sarcasm alot? Sometimes? I dunno a normal about? You ask me to hand you something and I will say no while handing it to you. I guess this is sarcasm

What's the first thing you notice about people? I don't know if there is anything in particular I notice? Usually it depends on the person I suppose. I'm also just a pretty unobservent when it comes to people honestly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What's your eye colour? Brown. I do have sectoral heterochromia in one of my eyes but it's just a darker brown so it's not really noticeable. It's kinda cool though

Any special talents? I can make bubble sound effects. I can solve a rubix cube. I can bend just the top joint of my pinkie finger. My thumbs bend backwards. Actually useful special talents? no not really lol

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings usually. But this is mainly just cause I barely watched anything ever so most movies I have watched I watched when I was a kid. But I do love horror as a genre and I have a whole lot of horror movies I want to watch so my answer might change

Where were you born? Aoteroa

What are your hobbies? A lot of drawing, in theory dnd (but I hardly ever play so mostly its just worldbuilding for fun), playing music, I go through phases of various handcrafts

Do you have any pets? I say i have 3 1/2 cats, They're of varying levels of feralness. Gonzo who was a kitten when we found him is basically just a house cat. Spud will occasionally cuddle but is pretty skittish. Lion you can pat sometimes but he's really scared of people, and Nala is basically a complete wild.

What sports do you play/have played? I did ballet for like 7 years growing up. I played one season of football (soccer if you're american). And then on and off muay thai, mma, and wrestling

How tall are you? 5'3

Favourite subject in school? Drama or history probably. I was a chemistry nerd but I dropped it as a subject. It got to much about the maths for me

Dream job? For the most part I don't have one, I do not dream of labor etc etc. But for the sake of the question I'd like to be a tattoo artist. I dunno I just want a job that I can be a functional person and make art and have hobbies and live my silly little life. And I need to be able to make art in some form or else I will simply die so. whatever I can manage

Tagging the mutuals i hope yall dont mind, obviously you don't have to do this, it's chill either way. You all are really cool and tagging this many people makes my anxious. Hope yall are having a good day (｡•̀ᴗ-)♡

@probablyahazard @horsecursed-cowboy @myc0l0gy @cowboycunt @alittleannihilation @draculagerard @bugfag @transaurus @mtmblid @faithdeans @kentuckycaverats @styxnbones @wormtiddies @shadowgast4t @deadmervsociety

#hi james! thanks for the tag!#this was fun #cain.txt

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ghostfishk · 8 months ago

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i hate it here. i don’t know if i can handle spending the night with them both anymore. i feel like a nuisance. a third wheel. just something getting in the way.

a spider appeared in my car. i physically cannot move when there’s a spider. i completely freeze up. and if i try to do anything else i will have a full panic attack/meltdown. i. cannot. do. spiders. and she got so pissed at me. i had nothing to smush it. it didn’t go a way that i could hit it out the window. i physically couldn’t do anything. and it made its way over to her side and they also couldn’t do anything. so after a while of absolute silence and tension they finally told me to just go. okay. cool. so what’s the plan with the 2 drink carriers and 2 bags of food? now i was definitely kinda rushed in saying that, and came across pushy and maybe even a little shitty but i just had a really rough shift and there’s a fucking spider in my car that’s supposed to be my only safe space right now, but she got mad at me for asking and i could see once we actually got going that she was texting our other friend, probably ranting about the whole situation which is valid, like it was really wonky but it also makes me feel like shit and i don’t know what to do about it.

they keep correcting me on my own existence. they say i am asleep the whole time. from 1-4 i slept maybe 2 hours if. and when i was out. i was generally out, but most of it was me with my headphones trying not to have a meltdown and just fucking ignoring them because they do not fucking understand that i just don’t care. they might be able to function off of 3 hours of sleep but if i even try, with the shit i do in a day, i will have a meltdown and die. i can barely function on a normal 7-8 hour 12-8am sleep i realistically probably need to sleep 10+ hours with the amount of stuff i do in a shift but if i did i simply wouldn’t have a life.

i talk about how i push all shift, and it feels like she tries to show me up by saying how many racks she pushed. which yes. it sucks how much you had to do but i also did a lot and it doesn’t feel good when i try to rant about work and you IMMIDIATLY hit me with how bad your shift was, or how thats “normal” to you or you’ve had worse. like i love you but genuinely shut the fuck up i cannot handle it much longer.

today was good work wise, productive, not overwhelming as much as it’s been. good people? talked to him quite a bit, starting to build a genuine connection, and humor between the two of us, along with mentioning some things about trans existence. nothing major, just mentioning that i’ve only been going by K- for about a year. he made a joke i should go as a ghost for halloween, and i made a joke that with normal friends would be funny but i don’t know if it actually landed with him.

tomorrow i get to meet kittens when i go play d&d and im so excited. they are what’s keeping me going this week. i’m so excited to leave work early, same time as him. and i’m so excited to go and see cats. and to sleep in my own bed after, and then not work until 3 the day after but it’s also the easy job. i cannot wait until 845pm so i can be over this week and start next week maybe a little bit more normal

hopefully my ipad doesn’t die before i can fall asleep

because i will have a meltdown if i cannot music. they will not be quiet. they’re talking about some comic con ripoff.

9/7/24

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suzukiblu · 1 year ago

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Part one of a concept about this concept done for the Haunting Heroes Discord; mostly behind the read-more and to be continued later.

Tucker is having a normal one, by which he means nobody's dead who isn't supposed to be and also he's up to his elbows in ectoplasm-drenched ghost tech trying to keep things that way. Sam is beating off GIW agents with nothing but the Fenton Anti-Creep Stick like the badass she is and looking great doing it, so it's a shame he doesn't really have time to admire the view.

Well, that's what hacking the security cameras later is for, now isn't it.

"You better appreciate this, dude, I have an eight AM class tomorrow," Tucker informs the unconscious guy they're busy trying to save, who for once is not Danny, surprisingly enough. The guy doesn't say anything back, on account of being, you know, unconscious.

Speaking of looking great doing things, "unconscious" really shouldn't look so good on anybody. That seems unfair. And also weird.

This dude possibly is just actually that pretty, though. Tucker was not aware that he was this bisexual, to be honest? Like he was vaguely aware of being bisexual-ish, at least in stressful situations, but this dude was unfairly hot even before the GIW busted down the doors and started starting shit.

So like, learn something new every day, Tucker guesses.

Mostly what he's learning right now, of course, is how to rip apart this bastardized ecto-tech that the GIW really, really does not know how to handle and would abuse the fuck out of if they did.

Obviously, given the presence of the very attractive unconscious guy they've got hooked up to all of said tech and floating in ectoplasm. Tucker would not expect ecto to be so flattering on somebody, but the fact the guy isn't wearing anything besides the machines he's hooked up to is admittedly probably helping with that. Like–just probably.

Or definitely, because Tucker has a lot of work to do here so they don't get their asses kicked and arrested by dubiously-legal allegedly-government agents, and yet is still repeatedly getting distracted by this dude's chiseled abs and strong jaw and pretty, pretty face.

Definitely more bisexual than previously realized, yeah.

Tucker yanks some important wires out of the console he's breaking down, plugs in some new ones, and uploads a very nasty virus or ten into the software. The console's screens all start flashing and a new set of alarms starts screaming.

Well, hopefully that's a good sign.

Like, for them, he means. Not the GIW.

"Could we get some hustle here, maybe?!" Sam yells, swinging the Anti-Creep Stick into an agent's unprotected gut.

"Don't rush my art with sports metaphors!" Tucker says indignantly.

"Don't insult me by claiming I'm using sports metaphors!" Sam snaps back. The next GIW agent she hits does not get back up. Tucker decides not to sass her any more right now.

Or at least not too much more, anyway. Because, like, he's not made of stone or anything here.

Also, that was in fact a sports metaphor.

"No appreciation, geez," he grumbles as she charges out into the hall, Creep Stick a-swingin', then starts digging into the software with his PDA. The current goal is getting Unconscious But Pretty About It awake and out of the giant glass tube of freaky ecto-soup he's currently contained in. Tucker is pretty sure that's not doing anything good to the guy, considering. Ectoplasm is just not meant to function as a spa treatment.

A thing about the GIW is most of the agents can't actually see ghosts, because actually seeing ghosts is an acquired skill. Actually, none of them can, as far as Tucker knows. Their tech sure can, though. There's a reason they all wear those incredibly unfashionable glasses all the time.

So like, that's useful, because tech? Tech is something Tucker can lie to.

Anyway, that's why the agents have all been dodging ghosts that aren't actually there while Sam Creep-Sticks as many of them as possible, and also why the two of them, who actually can see ghosts thanks to being on deck for Danny's half-death, didn't get immediately overwhelmed by superior numbers. The GIW guys are not currently aware of their superior numbers, which is all that matters. Perception does a lot, including buy a guy time to break another guy out of the weird ecto-tube he's being aggressively marinated in, for whatever reason the GIW would be aggressively marinating a guy.

Tucker has theories. They're not great theories.

Like, at all.

He finds some stuff that looks useful, in the sense that he finds some stuff about sedative doses and the machine that's currently supplying said doses to Tall Pale And Sexy, and he cracks into the program running it. It takes very little effort to start its power-down procedure, and even less to start draining the freaky ectoplasm bath. Tucker doesn't know what these specific sedatives actually are, but the dosage seems weirdly high, considering? Not that Tucker actually knows much about putting anyone under sedation or anything, just those are some very high numbers.

So that's weird, yeah.

The ecto-tube drains. The guy sinks down with the lowering ectoplasm, ending up crumpled in a heap at the bottom of it, leaned half-against the glass. He doesn't move or stir, but Tucker can see him breathing, so at least he isn't dead. Which isn't necessarily the same thing as being ended, Tucker is very intimately aware, but is still probably a good sign.

He really is pretty, Tucker observes distractedly, and then the guy's eyes snap open and Tucker gets a glimpse of absolutely electric blue before the whole tube explodes, splattering glass and ectoplasm everywhere.

"Agh," Tucker says from where he threw himself down behind the console. Well, that was terrifying.

Also weird. What the hell made that happen?

"You good, dude?" he calls, hoping to high heck that the glass all exploded outwards. Whatever did it, Ecto-Bath Hottie definitely did not have a convenient console to take cover behind.

"Nrgh?" the guy grunts, which at least implies he's not dead, so Tucker will take it. He peers out from behind the console and finds Walking Bisexual Crisis Trigger standing in the middle of a puddle of ectoplasm and broken glass, attempting to detangle himself from the mess of machines. Tucker figures he should probably help, there's a lot of them and–

Looks Good In Green Ooze yanks the intubation tube out of his throat one-handed and all the other machines he's hooked up to just fall apart and fall off him all at once.

. . . okay, convenient. And a weird design choice on the GIW's part, but Tucker isn't gonna complain about the weird thing being a thing going right for once. Usually the weird things are harbingers of the apocalypse or signs of dubiously-ethical ghost hunters or the Box Ghost, not just minor conveniences.

Also, they usually involve way less eye candy, because the GIW did not provide Ecto-Dipped Sexypants any actual, like . . . pants-pants.

That's unfortunate for him. Less unfortunate for Tucker, but he's gonna try and be polite about his oogling. Like, he'll minimize it until they get out of the freaky government-funded anti-ghost lab, if nothing else.

Mostly minimize it, Tucker amends as Bottled Hottie flexes off the last of the machines clinging to him and several of them break. Break badly.

Oh boy, Tucker thinks feelingly. It's Christmas for his bi awakening, apparently.

"Watch out for the glass," he advises, pointing down at it. The physical manifestation of his bi awakening blinks blurrily at him, then looks down at the shattered glass strewn all across the floor at his feet.

Then his feet float up off the floor.

. . . okay, again.

Eh, whatever, Tucker's seen weirder. Like, way weirder, in fact.

"Who the hell are you?" the dreamiest ecto-science experiment Tucker has ever seen demands, clenching his fists as he squares up aggressively. It does some things for his shoulders. And his face. And his . . . everything, basically.

Unf.

"I'm the guy who just broke you out of the giant glowy test tube and isn't gonna say his legal name in a shady government lab," Tucker replies matter-of-factly, ripping out the wires connecting his PDA to the glass-covered console and winding them up in case he's gonna need them again. "Hey, on that note, we should totally run. Or fly, I guess, I'm not telling you how to live your life. Assuming you're alive, I mean, also not gonna make any assumptions there."

Running is best, he figures. Sam'll catch up. Actually, probably they're the ones who need to catch up to her.

"Who said I wasn't alive?" the guy asks, looking briefly skeeved-out. Tucker shrugs.

"I don't judge, man, I just work with what we've got," he says. "If you're dead it'll just be easier to get you out and harder to keep you out, that's kinda how this goes. Hey, how good are you at flying? Or is this more a basic levitation thing?"

"I can fly," the guy says.

"Nice," Tucker says, then holds his hands up. "In that case, can I get a ride?"

What, like he's gonna turn down the chance to get carried by a dude who looks like this one? Not freaking likely.

"Where are we?" Experiment McSexy asks as he looks around the lab with a suspicious frown, though he does, in fact, scoop Tucker up bridal-style, so Tucker's gonna count this one as a win. "This doesn't look like Cadmus."

"Oh, that is such a long story," Tucker says, shamelessly looping his arms around the guy's neck and wondering what the heck a "Cadmus" is. "Waaaaay too long to explain here. We should just go get coffee about it after this, actually, that'd be easiest."

". . . coffee, huh," Handsome McHandsomeface says, the corner of his mouth ticking up into a smirk as he gives Tucker an undeservedly appreciative once-over. Not that Tucker is gonna argue with that appreciation, obviously.

And he's definitely gonna count this one as a win.

DP X DC

Of which ghosts are all of similar strain: normal ppl can't see them unless in specific circumstances OR having been exposed to specific situations (ex. Death and Resurrection, Lazarus Pit, having a portal to afterlife in one building in your small town, etc).

Ppl outside Amity Park literally couldn't see what's happening in Amity Park. Somehow there's this one kid that keeps on disappearing, people floating for absolutely no reason (they're not even meta??) (It might be some ghost picking up a person to the Amity Parker's, no biggie), just who are these ppl talking to/about??

Amity Park isn't the most haunted city in US. It's the weirdest.

#dpxdc #wip: tucker is having a normal one

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missindependentdiaries · 1 year ago

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I am romanticizing loneliness, and this will bring me to the depth of darkness until the brink of madness. I know. But I cannot help it, I love that I feel so much, something. It's beautiful, really, rather than nothing. I do not want to be ignorant to sadness.

However, the shame in being lonely despite my supposedly okay circumstances is the only thing that keeps me from falling completely.

I am mad, at many things in life. So many reasons to be mad, but I do not know much reaaon for me be lonely. Life mocks me, I do not have reasons to be depressed yet it does not give me reasons to be happy: to live.

Things, people, experience that used to make me happy and grateful to live do not feel like anything anymore. I feel gray, empty and stagnant. Things that I laugh at, smile at, are now not enough to anchor me to the living anymore.

Nothing else moves me. Only loneliness could, and yet it could only me inch by inch. Small steps and towards the realm of darkness. It carries me further and further away from breathing. Slowly, I am unlearning how to to function with these lungs and these chambers in my chest being weighed down.

Really, nothing to die for and yet nothing to live for, what is this purgatory? Crawling through daily just to find scraps to feed on and smile for mere seconds until make it through the day, until I have to sleep. I have nothing and yet I'm supposed to have everything I need. I have no one and yet I feel burdened by everyone around me.

I want to understand you dear in the mirror, but I 'm falling deeper. Yet frankly, I think it is time to fall into you. Should I stay, not for the shame anymore, instead for the hope that one day I'll understand and learn to breathe again? Until when should I wait? How many more tomorrows can I crawl through? How long more could I?

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m4lexxx67 · 2 years ago

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Having a crisis rn about moving out. Like... I shouldn't moving out yet, I so not feel ready for that, what the fuck??? I don't know what the fuck's gonna happen or how the hell I'm supposed to function on my fucking own!!

And most importantly, I'm gonna have to leave my old room. Like, I've been lucky enough that my room has always been a safe space for me to the extent where the first thing I'd miss when going on vacation was my room. Every damn time I wouldn't be in my room for several nights in a row, I would think "just this many nights more and then I'm in my own bed again". Which doesn't mean I never enjoyed my vacation or anything just... if you asked me what 'home' meant to me, it would have been the room I've been living in for the past twelve years. And I do plan on coming home on weekends but a lot of the stuff that used to be in my room won't be there anymore because it's going to be in my new place and hopefully make that feel like home too but there's no guarantee for that and, yeah, I might have some kind of problem with change but just because I know I do doesn't make it any easier and I also hate endings and this is essentially what this feels like even tho it might not technically be true but it just feels like so many last times...

Don't get me wrong, there's definitely things I'm looking forward to, but rn it's just fucking scary. I'm going to be packing up the most important stuff today and bring them over tomorrow and... idk it's just really hard and I am so, so incredibly glad that a friend of mine is going to be my roommate and that there's a "part of my old life" still with me that can give me some stability yk? And that's one friend that I know for sure I won't be losing touch with bc I know I'm really bad at keeping in touch with people and texting them for no reason but I don't know how to do better (although I did text my childhood best friend recently and I'm really proud if myself for that. At least I'm trying yk). And I'm especially afraid of losing my best friend. I mean I know we won't lose touch, at least not any time soon, bc we text each other the most random stuff. But things will probably still change and I don't know how they will change and... yeah, again, it's scary.

But we have DnD and therefore a reason to keep in contact and still meet up with some kind of reason and maybe extra motivation or something to actually make time for it yk? It's probably going to be okay it's just really hard to actually see and understand that rn. Like, I'm sitting on the couch in our living room and I'm feeling fucking homesick for the house I'm still in. The first few weeks of moving out will be so hard, jesus fuck. But I'm feeling better already from writing all of this down so at least there's that I guess

#i think this might be what kept me up last night #also I made myself cry with this but I think it's a good thing #am i being too honest?#going to make myself a nice cup of tea now and then do all the stuff that I need to do today while procrastinating packing...#wish me luck #vent post

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nictuniema123445 · 2 years ago

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This is going to be long because that man destroyed my soul one little letter at a time.

“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”

“I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam.”

“There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.”

“For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.”

“have claimed that Escape is one of the main functions of fairy-stories, and since I do not disapprove of them, it is plain that I do not accept the tone of scorn or pity with which 'Escape' is now so often used. Why should a man be scorned if, finding himself in prison, he tries to get out and go home? Or if he cannot do so, he thinks and talks about other topics than jailers and prison-walls?”

“But I have been too deeply hurt, Sam. I tried to save the Shire, and it has been saved, but not for me. It must often be so, Sam, when things are in danger: some one has to give them up, lose them, so that others may keep them.”

“Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!" So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.”

“Some who have read the book, or at any rate have reviewed it, have found it boring, absurd, or contemptible, and I have no cause to complain, since I have similar opinions of their works, or of the kinds of writing that they evidently prefer.”

“Yes, I am here. And you are lucky to be here too after all the absurd things you've done since you left home.”

“And the ship went out into the High Sea and passed into the West, until at last on a night of rain Frodo smelled a sweet fragrance on the air and heard the sound of singing that came over the water. And then it seemed to him that as in his dream in the house of Bombadil, the grey rain-curtain turned all to silver glass and was rolled back, and he beheld white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise.”

“Don't adventures ever have an end? I suppose not. Someone else always has to carry on on the story.”

“We shouldn't be here at all, if we'd known more about it before we started. But I suppose it's often that way. The brave things in the old tales and songs, Mr. Frodo: adventures, as I used to call them. I used to think that they were things the wonderful folk of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them, because they were exciting and life was a bit dull, a kind of a sport, as you might say. But that's not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, or the ones that stay in the mind. Folk seem to have been just landed in them, usually — their paths were laid that way, as you put it. But I expect they had lots of chances, like us, of turning back, only they didn't. And if they had, we shouldn't know, because they'd have been forgotten. We hear about those as just went on — and not all to a good end, mind you; at least not to what folk inside a story and not outside it call a good end. You know, coming home, and finding things all right, though not quite the same — like old Mr Bilbo. But those aren't always the best tales to hear, though they may be the best tales to get landed in! I wonder what sort of a tale we've fallen into?”

“have found that it is the small everyday deed of ordinary folks that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love.”

“The whole thing is quite hopeless, so it's no good worrying about tomorrow. It probably won't come.”

“How do you move on? You move on when your heart finally understands that there is no turning back.”

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.

"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

“I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”

“If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”

“It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.”

“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”

I want to know what Tolkien line hits you hard every time. Where you are just left stunned. It can be from the books, movies, a scrap of paper the Professor wrote on once, whatever. Share your impactful line!

#there is so much more #I love Tolkien so much there are no words #that man got me through so much with his silly little words #the amount of times I have bawled my eyes out at the end of the return of the king and then stared at a wall for hours #the emotional chaos that you feel at the end of return of the king is unmatched

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zxvtrpnljhfdb · 2 years ago

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I fucked up BIG

I had my usual rant all prepared for the afternoon when I fatfingered it. I hadn't blocked my ex on my main account so that they could communicate with me about their dog, who's staying in the apartment while they're out on their....... whatever staycation.

The detective was supposed to be by tomorrow, but they were able to come out after I got off work. So they served my ex with the warrant for the computer, but I don't think they were necessarily able to get a warrant for the hard-drive, which my ex took with fOr SoMe MySteRiOuS rEaSOn.

Anyway, just before they came through, my ex had stopped by to get the dog. They forgot their keys??? I've never seen them forget their keys. I just gave them the leash, dog attached, and the dog did the rest.

Finally, about an hour ago, their new plaything brought the dog back. She is seriously sick. I hope it's not contagious.

Anyway, so my dumb ass was all crowing about how amazing my life has become--I have a stable employer, I've had a really stable living condition. I don't think my partner necessarily meant to give me that self-esteem boost, but I deserve it. We have had money to pay rent every single month. And in large part, I owe that to myself. Now, there were a few months where she did carry us herself. She does deserve that little credit. Those few months were awesome. This place was so fucking clean. There were even a few months where we both worked. Not at all sure where the fuck all that money went to.

I was also stupidly, stupidly crowing about how the fertility situation was actually good, I'm just concerned that the sperm was bunk.

Then, like I mentioned, I mentioned the cops coming to literally solve our dispute over the computer. It was mostly coincidence that she was apparently coming back, keys in hand, to supposedly return the dog, and she ran into the cops.

I put all my fucking cards out there in this stupid blog post. I can't fucking believe she got it open or up so fucking quick. All I can fucking hope is she navigated away from it before she could record it. But that's a slim hope.

I have been so fucking sleep deprived this week. I'm really happy between the depression and my hormones, things are going better for me physically, because otherwise these last few weeks, I'm not sure how I would have been able to handle things. In the about hour between the time they called to say they were on their way, and the time they arrived, I actually passed the fuck out and I was so fucking groggy when they got here.

The camera gal took pictures of e v e r y t h i n g. And I am not even remotely proud of how this place looks, it is abso-fuckin-lutely trashed. It is so embarrassing. It's still gonna be a dump when I'm fully out.

I filed a TRO. Between this and the CSAM issue..........I see soooooooooo many hours in court in my future.........

That my ex finally blocked me is of truly cold comfort. It is not that hard to make up new accounts to keep an eye on people. Even if I cut and dyed my hair and posted a whole entire thing about a negative pregnancy test, I've shown that I can apparently lie pretty goddamn well when I feel unsafe. Or, sorry, apparently, according to my ex, I don't feel unsafe. I'm making it up for attention.

False, but, potayto potahto, right? I have plenty of reasons to feel unsafe around my ex. I'm no longer of any value to them with someone more malleable and with more money around. They've pointed a gun at me so many times, but like hahaha like funny don't be so serious take a joke. Her first response when ending it was to clear out the bank account of my money. Money that I earned. Money that was supposed to go to rent and utilities for the person who earned it. Instead, she high-rolled her fucking vacation with it. But oh, I guess she really needed it more than I do.

So yeah, this high likelihood of pregnancy could turn out to just be really good evidence that the engines just need some actually functional sperm and she still wouldn't believe me. I wouldn't be safe.

So I at least need a restraining order.

Anyway, I need sleep. With this level of stress, I probably am going to have to try again later. With all the fucking harassing and lying and bullying, I wouldn't be surprised if it did get fertilized but my uterus was just like, nope! My eyes are struggling to focus so I'm out

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