#I’ve seen exactly ONE fic(s by the same person) do their dynamic like this

[belfrygargoyles]

*whispers* I would like to hear what you have to say on reader inserts in the SW fandom because I too have a problem with them and I feel like not enough people are calling it out 👉👈

I’ve made a few posts about it in the past but I think it’s high time I actually Do This and really get into it.

Before I start: 1) This will be in specific reference to fanfiction written for the Star Wars fandom, particularly tcw and the mandalorian eras, 2) A lot of the issues come down to racist fetishization of men of color by white women; I am white, so there is much that is simply not my place to make statements on. What I can speak most on is my take from the gender side of things.

I’d honestly recommend reading this post by @nibeul with addition by @clonehub first, as they discuss the core issue with reader inserts in the Star Wars fandom.

And 3) some of this will involve discussion of sexual acts (as they relate to fanfiction) and sexual fantasies. These discussions will be non-explicit, and no pornographic text or content will be displayed.

Also. I’m GNC and nonbinary. I’m also a very feminine looking person that falls under the generalization of “small and petite.” I don’t have dysphoria, I like my body and the traits I have, and treating them like inherently female sends me into a blind fury. This is, unfortunately, important.

For the sake of making sure I come across as clearly as possible, I will be writing as though the reader of this post has never read or is broadly unfamiliar with reader-insert fanfiction.

Without further ado.

Hey, Star Wars reader insert fic writers? Please get your shit together.

INTRODUCTION

I’ve been reading reader-insert fanfiction since I was a grade schooler waking up early to check Quizilla. I love it! It got me into fandom, kept me engaged, helped me make and develop some of my oldest OCs, and it’s just fun to read and write- it’s like a self-indulgent little gift you can give to a bunch of people all at once. Because who doesn’t like the idea of starring in their own little adventure, usually alongside some of their favorite characters? It can be fun, immersive, get you attached in ways other ways of fandom interaction may not, make you feel just a little bit special, or be a way to express some feelings you might have about canon and the way the story went.

Like any form of fiction, it ends up saying more about the author’s feelings than anything else, whether the author realizes it or not. For many, many authors of reader-insert fanfiction, the primary enjoyment comes from writing “themselves” into the story- before the readers, the author most often makes the “reader character” someone they, themselves, can relate to and substitute for themselves. They write to live out a self-indulgent fantasy they have, and their readers can come along for the ride.

Some writers do actually try to write as diverse or as vague of a reader character as possible- as few details about the body, identity, etc. as possible so anyone could superimpose their image without the narrative directly contradicting it. This is not the kind of reader insert author I will be discussing.

The kind of author I will be discussing is the one most common in the Star Wars tag on Ao3: White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women who assume all of their readers are also White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women. Yes, you can tell.

ISSUE: fetishization of men of color

Again, this post puts it in the best words, but there is a rampant problem with Star Wars reader-inserts, particularly those involving the clones, Boba Fett, and Din Djarin, fetishizing characters played by men of color as either “physically aggressive and threatening, hypersexual and dominant, big strong men who are scary because they do violence and fuck constantly when they’re not” or “completely inexperienced baby who doesn’t know anything about things and needs a gentle nurturing guiding touch to introduce him to the mere idea of a vagina.” The former is common across all of them, the latter most common among clone trooper fics or Din/Reader.

I went into the Boba Fett/Reader tag on Ao3, because I like him and hoped to find something alright. Here are some stats I tallied up (give or take some) based solely on tags, summaries, and warnings:

There are 284 works in the Boba Fett/Reader category as of the time of this post.

198/284 are rated E for explicit sexual content. 69.7% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are sexually explicit.

259/284 are in the F/M category. 91.2% of all Boba Fett/Reader works involve an explicitly female or AFAB reader.

24/284 are tagged with or mention “Age difference,” “Older man/Younger woman,” “Innocence kink” or “Virginity kink.” 8.4% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are written explicitly with an age gap, with Boba Fett as the older party

26/198 E rated fics are tagged with or make reference to “Daddy kink” or involve the reader being called some variation of “little girl” by Boba. 13% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader are daddy kink fics, or allude to Boba Fett being a daddy dom/sugar daddy.

102/198 E rated fics are tagged as, make reference to, or suggest in the summary that Boba Fett takes a dominant sexual role with a submissive reader involving rough or painful play, or make reference to Boba Fett being frightening, physically intimidating, having a power dynamic over the reader, or being possessive or violent. 51.51% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader portray Boba Fett as sexually dominant and/or enacting use of physical force or pain play.

Just using this as an example, because it’s the easiest stats I can gather and also what made me realize there was a pattern.

The problem isn’t even necessarily that people write explicit fic about Boba- it’s that 1) over half of all fics in the category are explicitly pornographic, and 2) the way those pornographic fics are written. The two things compound on each other. They’re dominance fantasies projected onto a character of color in which he becomes extremely sexual, physically rough with the reader, possessive, and demeaning towards a reader character who is always written as White, AFAB, and petite.

This brings me to the next issue.

ISSUE: The way sexual relationships are portrayed.

Let me clarify so there is no chance of me being misunderstood: sex is good. Liking and wanting and enjoying sex isn’t bad. It is not bad if you are AFAB and have submissive fantasies. It is not bad to be sexually attracted to a man of color. You can write about sex even if you haven’t had it. Writing about sex can be a good way to express some more complicated feelings you could have about certain things. It doesn’t even have to be realistic. It has its time and it has its place.

This being said.

Sexual relationships as they are portrayed in the vast majority of E-rated Star Wars reader inserts are… not great.

The reader is always AFAB. I can think of maybe one fic off the top of my head where an AFAB reader was written with they/them pronouns and not just she/her.

The reader is almost always submissive, the dominant character is almost always portrayed as cis male. Even when the characters are supposed to just be having spontaneous casual sex, D/S or BDSM aspects will be introduced with no prior discussion or talks about it afterwards. Sometimes characters will start using dirty talk and it just does not fit at all, but it’s what the author thought was hot.

Sometimes, it just reads like a quick smutty oneshot. More often than that, it reads like the author doesn’t realize that sex… isn’t always a dom/sub thing. Or that someone can take the lead in sex and that doesn’t automatically make them a dom.

It’s not bad to be inexperienced. It’s not bad to have preferences or kinks or specific turn-ons.

But it gets… tiring to read, over and over and over and over, because that’s all there is.

That and… I dunno, it just has me a little worried? It doesn’t make me feel good knowing so many people can only portray a sexual relationship if it’s dom/sub. I don’t know why it makes me so uneasy.

Vanilla sex isn’t a bad thing I promise. It's this feeling of insistence that something "spicy" absolutely has to happen for it to be worth writing that gives... some weird vibes.

I’m going to move on to the next Big-

ISSUE: Every “reader” character is exactly the same

By which I mean the following:

Always cis AFAB female

If a character is written with gender neutral pronouns they will always be AFAB and written like Girl Lite

I have never seen an explicitly stated nonbinary/gnc reader character unless it was a request specifically for a nonbinary reader

I have never seen a gender neutral reader insert fic where the reader was AMAB

I have seen a grand total of 1 cis male reader fic and 1 trans male reader fic. The trans male reader fic was about dysphoria.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following backstories: slave/runaway, mechanic, medic, ex-Rebel, secret Jedi, bounty hunter.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following personality traits: throws knives, babysitter, completely civilian, WOMAN, says curse words.

The reader is never written with any narrative agency- things only ever happen to the reader character or around the reader character, they are never written to take charge and actually affect things on their own. Essentially the sexy lamp trope.

Remember when I said the majority of people writing Star Wars reader-insert fanfic on Ao3 were White, cisgender AFAB women who are gender-conforming and able-bodied? This is how you can tell.

It’s at this point where you can tell they’re really not meant to be reader-inserts, but author-inserts with the names removed- they were only meant for a very narrow selection of readers.

I’m nonbinary, I’m gnc, and I’m a very feminine looking person, generally speaking. I’m used to people looking at me and assuming oh, girl. I’m at peace with that.

I can barely stand reading some of these fics just because of how much the author emphasizes that the reader is FEMALE shes a WOMAN with BOOBS and a VAGINA and FEMININE WILES. There’s barely ever even a chance to give myself room to mentally vault over all the “she”s and “her”s because then I’m getting hit with Din or someone calling the reader “girl” or “the woman.” It’s unbearable, and I even fall into the general description every fucking fic author uses for their generic protagonist!

Even with the “gender-neutral reader” fics, it is just. Painfully clear that they just wrote a female character and changed the pronouns- no, there is no such thing as “male behavior” or “female behavior,” and I quite heartily rebel against the concept of gender essentialism. And honestly, I can barely even begin piecing together how I know it and what it feels like, because it’s just one of those vague conglomerates of cues and writing patterns I can’t consciously pick up on but I know it’s there- it’s frustrating, it’s demeaning, and it feels like you’d have to threaten these authors at gunpoint to get them to write a reader character who was any major deviation from the same three cutouts they use every time.

It seems like they can’t possibly force themselves to write a reader character who isn’t meek and submissive or has the sole personality traits of “mean and can hit things”- you can actually strike a balance between “absolutely no personality” and “fleshed out oc” you know? And you don’t actually have to tell the reader what their hair looks like or how full their figure is

It’s like 2:20 AM and I started this at like 8something PM but.

I’m someone who loves reader-inserts. I enjoy them. I still check for new ones regularly. I’ve been reading them for well over half my life now.

So many of these authors are just locked in on exactly one way to write things and it fucking shows. It’s like a self-feeding loop, they just keep writing the same things and the same dynamics because they see each other doing it and they never think about taking a step back.

It’s… exhausting. I’m exhausted. If you’re a reader-insert fic writer and you want to improve your reader character inclusivity and have also read this far, you can DM me or shoot me an ask.

[hklnvgl]

Hi! I have a totally random question lol. I've seen a few people compare Pynch to Wolfstar (and Adam and Ronan to Lupin and Sirius as people too). What I don't get it folks saying that Wolfstar was a 'better' (stronger? more interesting? idk) ship than Pynch. I mean..? I don't see it, personally. What am I missing here?

👋 hi! i’m gonna begin this (i’m guessing it’s gonna get long—i’ve actually filled two pages of handwritten notes to try and make sense of my many opinions about this) with a disclaimer: my approach to shipping is very different when it comes to pynch and other fandoms. normally, i’m not actually a very active shipper—when i read fics for other fandoms i normally look for plot and feelings and, because most of the time there’s shipping involved, i usually don’t mind if a ship is there and might actually enjoy it but it’s not something i tend to go out of my way to search for. i just don’t usually ship fictional couples romantically! it’s all the same for me if they’re canon or not (though if they’re canon they will have more canon scenes together so that might help me to eventually ship them? idk i’m just the least romantic person you can find out there 🤣)

so that’s why i haven’t read a lot of wolfstar fics (i think maybe 2 or 3 where the focus was on their relationship? i remember a quite lovely texting au) and even less meta—when i read hp fics i will look for explorations of harry’s abuse, which is what gives me feelings, and in those wolfstar is usually there bc they adopt harry or something like that.

that said, and having therefore canon!wolfstar in mind (perhaps the similarities are stronger in fanon, i just don’t know enough to say!), i really don’t see why people would compare them either (apart from the fact that they’re popular mlm ships?) and i do have to agree with you that pynch is a more interesting ship (for me!)

and, yes, i can see there are a few traits remus and adam might share if you squint, but imo once you start really thinking about it they’re two very different characters! they’re both said to be poor on text, but in adam’s case that comes from the family he was born into and if i remember correctly remus’ dad was middle class (i can’t remember exactly but i think he worked for the ministry?) and remus was poor only because he couldn’t hold a job due to him being a werewolf. idk if people’s comparisons go further and they see cabeswater as a parallel to the werewolf thing? but if that’s the case adam made that choice himself and he embraced it eventually and it’s actually crucial for the resoultion of the series’ plot! remus being a werewolf was great for book 3′s plot twists and for shunning him out of society and little else. personality-wise i guess they’re both smart? i do think remus is more the type to give up after a while but 🤷‍♀️ (oh is it bc if wolfstar were canon it’d be implied that remus is bisexual bc of tonks??)

now when people compare ronan and sirius they only look at the surface which makes me super mad! they say they’re the same just bc they’re brash? and wear leather? and were born in rich families?? but sirius was abused as a child and left his family bc he was the odd one out (which in the lynch family would actually be more accurate to say declan is??) and ronan’s trauma comes from a wildly different place! arguably niall (and aurora? apparently from that little snippet of mister impossible i haven’t read yet) were also abusive to him but definitely not in sirius’ way? (that’s actually closer to adam’s family’s brand of abuse!)

i’ve also seen people say the gangsey’s dynamic is the same as the marauders’! and i’m sorry but i really think that’s not true! for starters we only see the marauders as a whole in flashbacks! and not even then bc lily was not part of the group yet (i guess people compare her to blue bc they’re the only girls??) imo the marauders (or what we see of them) do not inspire healthy friendship feelings! james is the leader and a big asshole and only sees sirius as his equal—he is very happy with peter’s (apparent) worship and i guess they all were super happy to believe remus was the traitor bc they didn’t trust him enough (a werewolf will always be a werewolf) and everyone completely oversaw peter (which i guess is why he did what he did but he’s too plain of a character to have had believable motivations when he turned to voldemort) and he was considered second-class among the group. also that scene with snape in book 5, where we see them all together, is not the gangsey’s dynamic at all??

anyway. back to wolfstar/pynch. the only canon moments in which they give me similar vibes are, for wolfstar, in book 5 when harry firecalls grimauld place from umbridge’s office (i think it was that moment) and we kind of can guess sirius and remus are spending time together at the house and have this caramaderie going (that i guess could be interpreted as shippy) and, for pynch, back in trb when ronan is driving adam to the trailer park for the last time and he says: “man, you don’t have to go back in there” (and i remember thinking in my first read something long the lines of “aw, they are friends after all!).

so. because adam and ronan are part of the main cast of their series they are more flashed out as character (i’ll always think sirius and remus did have potential but everything was too tangled in the plot and, besides, hp is harry’s story!) and i actually do care more about what happens to them as individual characters! but i also ship them! their relationship and their dynamic simply appeals more to my personal tastes! i believe they are perfect for each other and i could read a thousand alternative first meetings and soulmate aus with them as protagonists and i’d never get bored.

as of wolfstar, well, as i said i don’t mind if i go into a fic and they’re a couple in there (they’re cute, sure!), and they’re great friends and obviously care for each other, but we do see too little of them together and how they would counter their respective differences for me to say they’re a perfect couple (they might have been in a different universe and i’m sure there are plenty of fics out there that explore that, which i personally have not read simply bc i lack the motivation to do so).

tl;dr: i like adam and ronan more as separate characters and i just love the dynamic they have in canon, which is why i enjoy reading/writing about them as a ship. imo, wolfstar had potential but hp was not about them and if people say they ship them i nod as i do when a friend tells me irl they’re seeing someone new and i hope they make each other happy.

perhaps someone who’s more deeply in the wolfstar fandom can add a different view to this?

[harringtonheartache]

Daybreak | Part Nineteen

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Lab Escapee! Reader?

Summary: Part nineteen of this fic. Joyce is officially roped into things, and her first day of being included is a hard one. 

Word Count: 3,100 +

Warning(s): Cussing, mentions of blood

The back side door of Joyce’s simple green car had a long scratch across it. An accident, most likely. Perhaps one of her kids had walked their bike into the garage and dragged the handle against the paint, scarring it for good, as Joyce wouldn’t get it touched up. The driver’s door hung open, abandoned by its owner without a hand to guide it closed. The old Ford Pinto looked like it could be abandoned completely - a site you’d see on the side of the road after the tired thing crapped out. It wasn’t deserted, however, and it’s driver stood nearby with two teenagers who’d probably end up following the car back to Joyce’s house when their conversation concluded. 

“What are you saying?” Joyce’s voice blurted. Panicked, unnerved, and certainly not understanding. Steve had done most of the talking by this point, and it earned him a great stare-down by the woman looking up at him. She was five-foot-too-short and the kid towered inches higher. It made for a strange dynamic, their silhouettes painting a scene where they swapped ages. 

“I know it doesn’t make sense-”

“None of anything has made sense!”

Steve hadn’t intended this conversation to be contentious. 

“Joyce,” Nine interrupted and she turned to look at the girl. Her chest dropped and she sighed, shaken but paused. “You said you thought that you were communicating with Will. I believe you. I know you're not crazy because I can communicate with him too.”

Her eyebrows dipped down and that wavering in her voice from earlier returned. “N- no you can’t,” she responded. The solution she had imagined for herself involved boxes of Christmas lights and dripping letters written in black paint across her wall. And now this girl showed up. In the middle of all obscurity, how much more was Joyce willing to engage? This girl: baggy clothes and a bandaged arm and Steve Harrington by her side (for some reason?). The solution she had imagined for herself dwindled on delusive. Maybe this girl fit right in. 

That bandaged little arm reached a hand out and bumped Joyce’s. Cold to the touch, it wrapped around her grasp. “Let me show you,” Nine said. 

 -

Joyce engaged. Pulling her little green car into the driveway of her little brown house, she got out and waited for the people behind her, as if she weren’t allowed in by herself. Steve and Nine each closed their doors and met her just a step or two away from the front porch. 

“It’s a little…” Joyce drifted off, a hand behind her back pointing towards her home with despondency. “It’s a mess”. 

“It’s okay,” Steve said, eyes squinting in shield of the afternoon sun. One hand sat in his jean pocket and the other hung awkwardly. 

Joyce’s description was accurate, and Steve almost tripped on wire hanging loose from a socket just a few steps in the door. They each walked a perimeter around the living room, surveying the damage done within the past few days. Smears of black paint — the alphabet as you’d see it on a classroom wall. Arbitrary nails in the wall where Joyce decided she wanted to hang up lights. A few holes, too, where she missed the nail in her craze to get the wires hung. If it weren’t for a few nice furnishings and Joyce’s presence itself, the place would look like an abandoned house some kids got into and graffitied aimlessly. 

“So, um, you say the lights flash?” Nine asked in the simmering silence.

“Well, yeah. Not- not randomly, though. Sometimes I ask questions and he- they blink in response,” Joyce stumbled. 

Nine nodded, head drifting upwards to notice the multi-colored lights draped over other fixtures on the ceiling. 

“How do you do it?” Joyce asked, and Nine returned her eyes to the woman. “Communicate?”

“I can…” her mind drifted, questioning how much she needed to dilute. This mother and her Christmas lights. Her beat-up car and her beat-up house. How much could she know? How much would it hurt to tell?

“I use a power source. Something like a radio or TV. Then I blindfold myself. I can usually see them,” she said. 

“See them? Like, actually see them and where they are? Have- have you done this with Will?”

“I-” Nine stopped again. At this point, how do you even single-out what to dilute? It doesn’t work when everything is the same level of indigestible, the same amount incriminating. Steve had told her that it was okay to trust Joyce, and in Nine’s inherent pull that kept her from being able to do that, she still believed him. She believed him, but that lack of confidence had been sewn into her stitching, triple-knotted and embarrassingly undoable. In that moment of hesitation, that hitch in her breath, she truly contemplated the situation. A contradictory mixture of relief and guilt flooded her body. The whole thing was so un-dilutable, so nonsensical that it was just enough so to protect her. This mother and her Christmas lights and beat-up car and beat-up house and wild ramblings of flickering bulbs she swears aren’t a result of bad wiring. No one would bat an eye if her story expanded to include a strange girl with supernatural abilities. It would be so indigestible no one would even bite. That guilt simmered in Nine's mouth and she chewed it between her teeth. It felt ugly, but no one would believe Joyce if thought to tell, and that was incentive enough for Nine to part her lips and keep talking. 

“I have. I couldn’t exactly tell where he was, but I saw him.”

“Can you do it again? Can you do it right now? We have the television and-” 

The house shook, gentle at first, growing loud enough to cut Joyce off after knocking a cup from the coffee table. And Nine’s arm ached, a pain she only now noticed, looking down to see a long line of red tracing down her skin from underneath the old bandage. She thought back to the newly purchased first-aid that sat still bagged in Steve’s car, a moment later questioning why the hell that was important to her as the walls shook like they wanted the painted letters to fall off. She then traced her vision down lower to the floor, coming to a focus on a single drop of blood that had dripped from her wrist. It was almost effectively disguised by the dark wood flooring, spotable only if you looked closely enough. 

“Fuck.”

Steve’s eyes darted — to the walls, to Nine, to the floor, back to Nine. “What’s happening?” he asked over the rumbles, and Nine looked to him, a gaze that was just waiting for something inevitable. 

There was scratching now, like nails against sandpaper. The three turned to the origin of the sound — the wall — and Joyce took a step backwards despite being the farthest from the noise. The wallpaper, yellowed and floral, began to peel. Around the edges of the wall it dropped in long slices, and after a moment something underneath the paper was visible, something inside. There was movement, sudden, like a person reaching out from behind a curtain. But it wasn’t human; claws so pointed they looked like they’d tear right through the house. Steve, the second-farthest from the chaos, turned to stagger forwards and reached out with a hand like the one inside the walling. He flinched though when the inevitable happened and the wall crumbled, the thing inside coming forward like breaking through the surface of water. Joyce yelped as the drywall fell and scattered across the floor and Nine, the closest, finally teetered backwards.

“Nine!” Steve shouted, and she teetered again, this time backing up against the coffee table. It jabbed her right behind the knees and she stumbled, a hand falling against the table’s wooden surface as she bent backwards to stop the fall. The movement in the wall was breaking through containment, and after one claw penetrated the barrier, the rest came down quickly. 

Steve maneuvered swiftly, sliding in front of the recliner chair with determined pace. He locked his grip around Nine’s wrist and pulled her sideways, towards him, and she knocked into his chest in her daze. The wall was gone but behind it wasn’t the outside. A large hole in the Byers’ living room leading to nothing but darkness. It’s emerged shook its gangly limbs, debris sticking to its slimy skin. A creature seen before only in silhouettes was now illuminated, and it’s presence was ghastly. 

The lights had begun flashing (just like Joyce had told them) at some point during the event, and it burned the witness's eyes enough to bring them back to the present. The house guest erupted from within a sound, something between a lion’s roar and a screech, and all three hosts backed up again as if to give room. Joyce hit a wall first, and yelled out to the two neighbored a few feet away. 

“What the hell — ?” an open-ended question. 

“Why is it here?!” Steve spoke loudly down to Nine, still a tremble against his chest. 

“The blood,” she said, but she didn’t amplify her voice, and Steve asked her again. 

“The blood, it senses blood,” she told him. 

‘It’ screeched again and the house didn’t need collapsing walls to shake this time. Joyce no longer wanted to stand alone. She navigated around empty boxes on the floor once filled with string lights, joining the two outcasts and trying now to usher them down the hall. And they complied, fast steps between glances back towards the living room.

“Wait, Joyce, wait,” Steve said but it didn’t slow her down. “We need a- a weapon. Something to-”

“You think you can fight that thing?” she asked back.

“I’ve seen it before, it won’t leave without a fight,” he said. 

“We don’t keep weapons in the house. Maybe a bat. There are guns in the shed, but I don’t know how to use them. They were Lonnie’s.”

Steve didn’t know how to use a gun either. Sure, his dad had one or two for the sake of authenticating his masculinity. Somewhere deep in his closet, some place he could refer to in conversation when asked if he had one. And he’d say yes, maybe puff out his chest, and sit with the fact he couldn’t recall if he really knew how to shoot. So Steve didn’t know either. No father-son trips to the woods to aim at old beer cans. Certainly no practice on monsters towering nine-feet high. 

He went with the bat. He adjusted his hands around the wood — never really played baseball, either, but it seemed easier than shooting. 

“You can’t kill that thing with a baseball bat,” Joyce said as he did a few practice swings in her older son’s bedroom. 

“I can try,” he said. Another practice swing dangerously close to a bedside lamp. 

“Steve, no,” Nine told him. “I-”

“You can’t. Still in recovery,” he told her right back and made his way to the bedroom door. 

“I think this overrides that — !” she spoke to his back as he swung the door open. 

He advanced back to the living room with a confidence close to stupidity. Nine chased after him and Joyce’s feet dwindled, a few seconds passing before she gave in and followed. The beast came into view and her jog stalled, closing her eyes for a moment in battle of her fear.

Steve wound up, twirling the bat and going in for a strike. It hit the creature loudly, a smack that sounded as bitter as it felt. It roared and Joyce regretted giving him the bat. He pulled it back and gunk dripped from the wood, slimy as the skin it had just hit. His chest heaved and he flung the substance to the floor. Readjusting his feet, he started to twirl his grip again. 

“Steve, wait-” 

It growled again and this time swatted with its long stick of an arm. It’s sloppy punch knocked the bat from Steve’s hand and knocked his feet from the floor. He landed harshly on the ground, and his newly-relieved hands met the floor behind him as he looked up at the creature, a new perspective on the situation dawning on him. “Shit.”

It stepped forwards, Joyce stepped back, Nine stepped forwards, Steve (shuffled) back. Where is the bat, where is the bat, look for it! Fuck! Where is the bat?

Nine decided that recovery was over. A hand in the air, she mustered up the strength; a few heavy breathes to prepare herself before —. It stumbled backwards and knocked into the wall (damaging now a second). Her power wasn’t up to its full capabilities and she pissed it off more than anything. It came forwards again, long strides to land right in front of Nine. By her feet, Steve grabbed at her ankle like a child, pleading her name. 

It went in for its second punch, this time aimed at Nine. It knocked its force into her side and she was swiped sideways, Steve dragged with her for a moment before he dropped his grip on her leg. She landed coldly against the coffee table, her shoulder aching as it took the heat of the fall. Joyce yelped with her, hands jumping up as she flinched at the aggression, tears beginning in her eyes. 

The monster wasn’t done and grabbed Nine this time, by her arm — the bad arm. Nine shouted out, voice muffled by pain as she was pulled from the table. It didn’t keep its hold on her long, slamming her forcefully into the wall just beyond where it had done its damage. She hit the surface with another smack and started a decent down to the floor. 

Steve’s hands wandered the ground, feeling around for the bat until they found it under the table. He took it and stood promptly, officially landing his second hit when the creature reached out for a third attack on Nine. Hit received, it staggering a little at the unexpected strike. Steve, with regained confidence, navigated to stand in front of Nine: protective and tall and fucking livid. 

It didn’t care, though, turning around to whack at this nuisance standing in the way of its real target. Steve swung at the same time and their weapons collided. He only had a second to revel in his win before it attacked again, this time with its other arm, other side. Steve fell to his left, landing awkwardly on a recliner chair, swatted away like a bug. The creature returned to its priority and wrapped its claw around Nine’s leg. It pulled, sliding her across the hardwood and dropping its hold when she settled underneath itself. Bent over now, it opened its mouth. Inches away from Nine’s face, it released perhaps its loudest shout of fury. 

And then it yelped. 

“Fuck you! Get out of my house!” Joyce yelled. The lamp she had launched at its back landed broken on the floor, and Joyce searched around for something else to throw. In defense of itself, it grabbed back onto Nine’s leg. Another item — this time a phonebook — flew at its head and it winced at the impact. 

“Get out!” 

It began a retreat, but hadn’t yet let go of its hostage. Where it had come was still an open hole, a dark void to greet anything that entered it. It kept backing up as it was hit with something else. 

Steve stood now, (fuck! again, where’s the bat?) called to action. It pulled Nine back again, one foot in the void now, and her head rolled against the floor. Abandoning his search for the bat, Steve tossed himself forward to the ground, now grabbing for Nine instead. He threw a hand underneath her shoulder as she was yanked again, and his grip fell to her arm. 

A force from within the wall was awakened at the monster’s retreat. It began to draw things into the void, a powerful wind sucking up debris from the floor, including Joyce’s lamp-turned-weapon. With this the monster stood up, and Nine was lifted with it. Its hold was still tight around her leg, and Steve scrambled for better control of her upper half. “Shit,” he spit, jaw clenched as his feet slid against the flooring. 

Nine floated midair as both she and the thing that held her slowly fell victim to the power of the void drawing them backwards. But then it stopped, and she didn’t drop to the floor. A familiar zap was felt in Steve’s palm — that jolt that accompanied stilled time.

He huffed, a smile creeping onto his face as realization dawned on him. He didn’t let his grip weaken, one hand in hers and the other on her arm. “Yes, I’ve got you,” he told Nine. 

She twisted, lifting her head and yanking her leg forwards from the creature that had been frozen alongside everything else. Everything else but her and Steve, who pulled relentlessly as his feet kept sliding underneath him. 

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you,” he said anyway, speaking against his lack of progress. 

“Steve,”

“Just don’t let go, I can pull you out. We have all the time we need,” he told her, grunting as he readjusted. He failed to make eye contact, hyper-focused on the task at hand. 

“I don’t know how long I can keep us like this,” she said, voice dispirited. 

“It’s okay, just hold on.” 

“Steve,” she pleaded again but he didn’t hear it, still pulling on her desperately. “Steve, look at me.”

He tugged once more then gave in, looking up. 

“It’s okay, I’ll find him.”

“No, no, wait. No, I can get you out, just hold on,” he said frantically as tears began to brim. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

“Steve.”

“I’ve got you!” he shouted now, teeth raking at his lip and eyes thrown at his feet again as he proceeded with his pulling.

“I’ll find you, too,” she said. And with her words time resumed. 

Steve only had a moment, one last attempted grab at her skin before she was pulled from him completely. The darkness had the stronger hand, and she fell into it roughly. With her no longer there to hold him up and his feet too far in front of him to catch his weight he fell too, but only to the ground. 

When he looked up she was gone, and the wall began to reform around her absence. It sealed up nicely, like it had never been torn down; only a long scratch over top of the wallpaper to signify any abnormality. 

---

A/N: sorry

Tag List: @ggclarissa @gurl-ly @hyp-oh-critical @alewifex @we-are-band-sexuals @cpt-lamby @l0ve-0f-my-life @easvtohate @used-avocado @kwyloz @itzpikapie  @samwise-babeyy @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @mochminnie @peterwandaparker @ayamecrevan @lilyhw1 @seninjakitey @lulurose17 @write-from-the-heart @harringtonlr @sledgy14 @stranger-names​ @marvelouspottering​ @crimesolvin​ @pradaxstyles​

[anianimol]

Character Analysis: Kuroo Tetsurō

Ok, this is j gonna be me ranting about character depth and complexity so if you are not a character analysis nerd like myself I’m sorry you had to see me babbling as usual🥺👉🏻👈🏻i j needed to get this out of my system! Also just want to make a disclaimer: this is NOT me criticizing the work of any other writers on this platform or others, more so me wanting to talk about this man for hours on end and smacking myself for not characterizing him better😊

Though I am an absolute SIMP for some smutty Kuroo content that goes a tad bit ooc(and love to write it myself) I wanted to dive into him as a character a bit, and I hope to do more of this in my own writing.

While a 1k fic can’t exactly spend paragraphs upon paragraphs trying to capture the complexity of Tetsurō’s personality, I would love to see him written with more flaws. (This is me @‘ing myself😔)

Often times, we see sex god!kuroo, or playboy!kuroo, which I think are facets of his personality when truly comfortable with someone, but I believe it would take him a considerable amount of time to get to that stage in a relationship, or at least a very special person.

Kuroo’s confident persona, though not exactly a guise towards others, is not something that has always existed. Remember, it is cannon that Tetsurō was initially a shy, reserved kid, hesitant to break out of his shell when first moving to his neighborhood. I think his friendship from childhood with Kenma has helped grow that confidence of his; the quiet reassurance and understanding the two of them have has given him a strong foundation of trust and loyalty—Kenma’s friendship has been a constant in his life, allowing him someone to lean on. While I do not believe their bond is overlooked, the dynamic of theirs is sometimes under appreciated. Kuroo and Kenma give each other a sense of purpose, lending one another familiarity and comfort.

Not unlike his setter partner, Tetsurō is extremely good at reading others; by observing the nuances of their personality and spending time with one another, he understands their needs, finding ways to support them silently, not looking for a thank you or praise. While he may appear to have this surface “cocky” and “I’ve got it all figured out” sort of attitude, he deeply cares for those on his team and his loved ones, taking care of them and encouraging them in the way that they need it. Whether it is pushing Tsukishima’s buttons enough to spark a passion for volleyball, or persuading Kenma to join the club, Kuroo tends to the needs of those around him, bringing out the best of their potential.

Though this rooster haired captain may seem like Mr. Popular, I truly believe he is the biggest dork I’ve ever seen. I mean come on. Who unironically makes chemistry puns aside from your 54-year-old chemistry teacher from sophomore year? Kuroo Tetsurō. And put this man in the same room with his crush? He’d be a stuttering mess, tripping over his words as his ears burned a bright crimson. He is awkward. Awkward as hell. Which makes him even cuter.

Eventually, though, I think he’d get more and more comfortable around them, engaging in teasing banter and growing his confidence.

-

Before I shut up, I want to talk a little about his needs in a relationship.

I don’t think I’ve heard many people talk about this, and some might disagree with me, but this man is STARVED for affection.

As a captain, Kuroo is not used to being vulnerable, spending more time supporting his team and lifting up those around them, making sure each member is performing at their best. I think he’d be tentative to lean on his s/o, hesitant to rely on them and preferring at first to act as their rock, their foundation. In a true partner, though, he requires reciprocation. Tetsurō needs someone to come home to. Someone who can care for him as much as he does them, allowing him to open up emotionally and release the stresses of his life.

What I’m trying to say here is that Kuroo is human. He is both sexy and dorky, and that is why we adore him so much. Loyal and a tad possessive, but someone who understands the independence of his partner and their boundaries. Tetsurō is both fire and water, the flame of passion and intensity burning bright within his heart as the cool tide of calm laps against it.

-

gen. taglist! : @janellion @bokutoskb @stcrryskies @thirsthourdemon 🍄

some babies who also may want to see this? @kuronekomama @strawbirb @deadontheinsidebut 💕

does this count as metsu content?

[dear-wormwoods]

may I ask for a style fanfic rec list? 🥺🥺🥺

I have a couple of requests for this and I’ve been thinking about how to respond, because to be honest, I very rarely read fic these days. And by ‘these days’ I mean like, since 2014. I always have things I intend to read, but then time goes by and I don’t get around to it. So nothing I’m going to rec is new and you’ve probably already read them fkjds.

Anyway, sorry to be predictable by just being like “read Hollycomb’s fics” but...

The Scenic Route - 116k words, should be rated E for the final two chapters (I literally have no idea why it’s rated T on AO3, it was definitely M when I first read it on ff.net years ago)

Summary: The boys embark on a six day road trip to California before separating for college. Cartman is a pain in the ass, Kenny has no future, Butters is in crisis, and Kyle doesn't know how he'll say goodbye to Stan.

Why you should read it: The yearning. This fic is written entirely in Kyle’s POV, and Holly does such a brilliant job of getting into his head and really capturing that feeling of already mourning a friendship/relationship before it’s even over and kind of intentionally setting the bridge on fire to make what is (seemingly) inevitable hurry along, as if that will make it hurt less (it doesn’t). The first six chapters, the actual road trip portion of the fic (where the T rating actually does apply), are where it is at its strongest, and Kyle’s gradual descent into panicky, angry desperation is painfully real. I can’t stress enough how in character everyone is, each retaining recognizable mannerisms and dynamics from canon while still clearly being grown people entering adulthood. There’s a reason this fic is THE Style fic. 

Leave the Pieces - 251k words, rated E (though that rating only represents a small portion of such a long fic)

Summary: Stan and Kyle meet as strangers in their mid-twenties, shocked to encounter someone else who can't remember the first ten years of his life. They form an instant connection, but only one person in South Park remembers them, and Kenny can't explain why they disappeared or why the rest of the town forgot them.

Why you should read it: It’s a lengthy epic with supernatural elements, a complicated plot that fits right into the show’s universe, and the kind of love that quite literally transcends time, space, and memory. I can’t explain it much further without giving away the plot, but this behemoth is gut wrenching and powerful. It is equal parts a story about Stan and Kyle finding each other as adults and falling in love despite not remembering who they are, or each other, and a deep exploration into Kenny’s character and his curse. Kenny is really the MVP of the story, despite it initially seeming like “just” a Style fic, and his relationship with Wendy is written beautifully and convincingly. One caveat, though: some parts of this fic... I’m not a fan of. I greatly dislike Cartman/Butters just as a concept, and there were times, particularly in the first half of the fic, where I almost quit reading because of their scenes. I also feel like this fic fell victim to fandom’s earlier tendency to mischaracterize Craig as borderline sociopathic (but in contrast, he’s absolutely perfect in Holly’s oneshot Other People’s Tupperware). However, I’m such a sucker for supernatural memory loss not being able to sever soul connections, and Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Wendy’s respective journeys more than make up for my reluctance to stomach Cartman/Butters or other comparatively minor issues. And honestly, everything does fall into place as the plot unfolds, so all I can say is... if you hit certain scenes and think ‘wtf IS this??’, just stick it out, the payoff is worth it, especially if you’re looking for high quality Kenny content.

Amalgamation - 78k words, rated T (but should be rated M imo, because there are sex scenes, though they aren’t very explicit, just intimate)

Summary: In 1862, Kyle's family is forced to move from New York to a tiny mining settlement at the foot of Pike's Peak in Colorado. Kyle is sixteen years old and miserable until he meets Stan, a fellow transplant who has been in town for three years. Their feelings for each other are shadowed by the town's haunted history, and for Kyle the local legends begin to feel more like real nightmares.

Why you should read it: I know ‘1860′s gold mining settlement AU’ doesn’t sound very fascinating, but it is. This is another one that’s written in Kyle’s POV and again Holly does a wonderful job of expressing his emotional turmoil, the guilt and shame he feels, his self-righteousness, and the depth of his love for Stan. Everyone is as they would be if the clock was turned back 150 years, made different by the time period and the demands of their circumstances but still obviously recognizable. The old-timey atmosphere and world-building are so seamless and never feels unrelatable. There are also supernatural/ghost/mystery themes in this one and the fear is palpable.

From the Queen of England to the Hounds of Hell - 170k words, rated E, includes major character death (aside from Kenny)

Summary: Ten years after the execution of Terrance and Phillip, the war with Canada has not ended. Stan and most of Kyle's friends are planning to join the army after high school graduation, bound to be drafted anyway. Kyle doesn't believe in the war, but he's not willing to let Stan go without him.

Why you should read it: This is.... a perfect fic, and I don’t say that lightly. It is quite possibly the ONLY perfect fic I have ever read, in any fandom. I can’t actually describe all the ways in which it’s perfect without giving the plot details away, but, God, if you commit to reading just one of the long-ass fics I’m reccing on this list, make it this one. Please. It honestly makes me mad that this one never got the same attention as like, The Scenic Route, or ‘Night School’ did, because it so deserves to be up there. Only Holly could take the concept of the fucking movie and turn it into a completely devastating, bittersweet, epic romance. There is no caveat here, no ‘I loved it except for this and this’, just thorough, soul-crushing perfection. Just... Kyle. God, Kyle. I can’t elaborate, my heart isn’t up to the task. This fic will haunt me for the rest of my life.

The Ascent of Stan - 32k words, rated E, though it is like 95% domestic fluff

Summary: Stan sells his small pest control company and Kyle thinks they should use some of the money to go to Hawaii, where he proceeds to grill Stan about the mid-life crisis that Stan claims he's not having while their kids frolic nearby.

Why you should read it: This one is everything a domestic fic should be. It basically just chronicles the events of a week-long vacation to Hawaii that nearly-40 Stan and Kyle take with their two kids. This one is written fully in Stan’s POV and it works so well... he’s exactly the kind of dad that I imagine he would be, doing his best to provide for and protect his family’s little bubble and resolving to be better than his father while quietly fighting the lingering shadow of his alcoholism and cynicism. There’s no real conflict in this one, just 30,000 words of a very typical family vacation: not exactly blissful, irritating at times, but ultimately the foundation for perfect memories. 

Never Change - 115k words, rated E

Summary: Thirteen years after his high school girlfriend's pregnancy upended his life, Stan is still in South Park, working with his partner Bebe as a local cop. They're in the process of investigating a series of possibly connected murders when FBI agent Kyle Broflovski returns to town and informs his old friend Stan that this is his investigation now.

Why you should read it: This is equal parts a murder mystery and a romance. It features exactly the kind of Stan/Kyle situation I hate to think about - a decade-long estrangement of their own making that comes to an abrupt end due to extenuating circumstances. It hurts because of how likely it is to happen that way, and it works especially well in this fic because of Stan’s reluctance to embrace his own bisexuality until he’s nearly 30 and Kyle’s tendency to put up walls to protect himself. Also, Bebe features prominently in this fic, which is always a huge bonus.  

Bonus Oneshot Rec:

The Reformation of Fart Boy - 7k words, unrated but probably T, just barely

Summary: Five times South Park has brought Kyle to the brink of sanity and Stan has brought him back.

Why you should read it: I love thinking about the ways in which canon-typical nonsense continues to impact the characters in the long term on a serious psychological level. Kyle has suffered a lot in canon and it’s obvious even in the show that it is gradually changing him and wearing him down, so I really love this fic for focusing on his responses to some of the more traumatic moments, as seen through Stan’s eyes. 

I feel sort of guilty only reccing one author for right now, because there are other fics out there that I liked and am planning on revisiting, but this post is long enough as it is. Chances are you’ve already read some or all of these, but they’re my favorites. I reread all of them while making this list, and they still hit me hard after all these years. 

[ouranor]

I saw your latest hanyo no yashahime post because I followed the tag and I have to say as a victim of grooming myself, I would rather be aggressive towards the adult Sessrin shippers,I do think some of them have pedophillic tendency’s, I know you hate that word being thrown around but how else would you describe people enjoying seeing sexualized fanart/actual porn of child Rin and sesshomaru. And a ship is just a ship yes but when large amounts of people try to normalize grooming I draw the line

Dear Nonny

First of all: I’m so sorry that you had to go through such a horrible experience and thank you for sharing this so openly. I’ll do my best to explain my point of view about the current chaos and how to navigate it as best as I can. In order for me not to repeat myself too often, I‘ll assume that people reading this will also have read my previous post that prompted Nonny to message me.

About the ship itself:

As far as the ending of the manga goes, Rin and Sesshoumaru are blank slates, leaving lots of room for interpretation. What is true for both characters is that neither of them have any romance set up, because neither Rin nor Sesshoumaru are anywhere near ready for any kind of romantic relationship (no matter with who) at that point in time. Rin because she’s a child and Sesshoumaru because he’s an emotionally stunted and immature mess of a man (which is why I find the sequel‘s premise incredibly unbelievable. There‘s no way Sesshoumaru was ready to have half-demon children and this is a flat-out character assassination for Sesshoumaru but I DIGRESS). In the manga, not a single trace of romance can be found, and thus not a single trace of grooming. Giving a growing child a new kimono is not grooming, it‘s common sense.

Now, most people that oppose SessRin do immediately jump to pedophilia and grooming for multiple reasons and, while I don’t ship SessRin, reducing the ship to assumptions like these is not an okay thing to do. I firmly stand by this statement and I’ll do my best to explain why.

Now, because this will be important to understand the thoughts I‘m conveying, please remember these key points:

1) Explaining does NOT equal excusing. I will never make excuses for people that romanticize children in romantic relationships. All I‘m doing is do my best to cut through the very emotionally charged and hardened fronts in this ship-war.

2) We NEED to separate the ship from its shippers. SessRin is an extremely difficult ship to write that needs to be treated with much more care and awareness than most other hetero-ships, but because people abuse Rin as their Mary-Sue and don‘t give the characters actual care and love, you end up with terrible fanfiction that depicts SessRin as „a given / destined / Rin‘s the closest vagina in the near vicinity“. And yet: Sesshoumaru grooming Rin is not the ONLY possible continuation of this ship. I‘ll get back to this in a bit.

3) Grooming is a choice, pedophilia is a mental disorder. While the two overlap at times, they are NOT the same. I’ll broach this issue near the end of this post.

Now, to get the worst out of the way, I’ll agree to this: The interpretation coming from the loudest and most aggressive shippers (Celestia on Twitter is an excellent example) is highly problematic and, as mentioned, shows a lack of comprehension regarding subtility and a lack of emotional intelligence. They‘re very black and white and they romanticize the characters as they were left in the manga, saying (among other things) how Rin is Sesshoumaru’s soulmate and understands him like no other, in spite of being a child, and THAT raises all kinds of alarm bells. Because this is exactly the rhetoric used by predators towards impressionable children. People claiming that this isn’t the case are being willfully ignorant and I usually don’t tolerate such people and use the block button generously.

But this is the WORST manifestation of this ship. Notice how I say the worst, not the ONLY.

Unfortunately, this worst interpretation usually comes from the laziest and most aggressive shippers that simply lack the creativity to imagine anything else. I’ve read many a SessRin fanfiction that built this relationship up in a believable way, taking its time and addressing the potential pitfalls, unfortunately this type of dedication or writing talent is not easily found in a fandom as vast and trope-y as Inuyasha. But I‘ve also read a ton of fanfiction where SessRin is a „logical conclusion“ because the author is actually writing an InuKag fic and has no idea what else to do with Sesshoumaru and Rin, hence: Another pairing to make babies with, yaaaay. SessRin happens by proxy, which is a huge NO-NO. This echoes one of my mantras: In order for Sesshoumaru to even get into a romantic relationship (NO MATTER WITH WHO), there is an entire story and development that needs to be told first. The same goes for Rin because again, by the end of the manga, she‘s not much of a character at all. “Why do you even read SessRin if you don’t ship it??” I hear you ask (not you, Nonny, I mean this and the following in a general sense). Because I keep saying that every ship has its merit and I’m interested in the stories that can be told. I keep saying that all ships are legitimate and I don’t want to miss out on any potentially amazing stories, especially because those were seriously hard to come by back in the day (anyone remember the 2000’s? Anyone?). I’ve read fanfiction from literally every Inuyasha ship under the sun. So if I see the tell-tales of a bad SessRin fic, I leave the author and their world behind and move on to something else. I’ll use this short interlude to say this: It has become such a horrible trend in fandom to put the sole responsibility of one’s fanfiction-experience on the author instead of taking responsibility for the content one might consume. There’s an incredible lack of self-sufficiency, a lack of ability to just move away when people read something they don’t want to read without taking personal offense. Now, I’m not saying that you have to be like me, but at least take responsibility for your own experience. ANYWAY, back to the topic at hand.

So again: In order for Rin or Sesshoumaru to get together romantically at any point in the future, a LOT needs to happen first. A lot of development, a lot of questioning, a LOT of build-up, because this relationship needs a heck of a lot more explanation than most other hetero-ships out there, but most fanfic writers and shippers are too lazy to set this up properly, leading to problematic romanticization, sugarcoating and hand-waving away of serious subjects that need to be addressed. Most of these types of SessRin shippers I see are found on Twitter and Tumblr (many are Spanish, too, wth is up with that), as mentioned, and they are are extremely questionable, seeing no issue at all with this ship, and here’s my opinion on why that is: Given from what I’ve seen, these types of shippers equal Rin with themselves. If you read how they justify this ship, it has nothing to do with her being a child, and everything to do with the blank slate that she is (like Bella Swan in Twilight). Rin has endless potential and it’s much easier to project ones own fantasy on a character that has yet to BECOME an actual character you can write a love story WITH. Of course, shippers don‘t realize this, because projection is usually done on an unconscious level. But to someone who’s been observing in this fandom and lurking for years, this seems incredibly obvious. Neither Rin nor Sesshoumaru have any agency, because they’re fictional, and that’s why SessRin is such a ticking bomb, always has been. They can be turned into whatever you want.

Now, that’s of course what fandom is for: Fulfillment of fantasies and works depicting any dynamic from fluffy to dark. But here’s the second main problem: Because SessRin is usually depicted as your typical, trope-riddled “male is alpha, woman is beta at best” romance, it falls right into heteronormative standards. Heterosexual relationships are TEEMING with extremely lazy writing (and normalized abuse, but that’s a subject for another time) and for some reason, I’ve observed how hetero ships have this insane entitlement to “purity”. What I mean by that is that hetero-ships are much more likely to attract fans that need their ship to be canon, otherwise they can’t function. This is EXACTLY what happens with SessRin. If you just had SessRin shippers doing their thing, I don’t think we’d be in this situation. But because of the sequel and its excellent marketing strategy, SessRin shippers are full of hope and, worst of all, grasping at straws and lording their ship’s superiority over everyone else with renewed fervor. If Takahashi/Sunrise weren’t such absolute cunts (pardon the language), we’d not be in this situation. Because SessRin is now a “possibility” in the sequel, people suddenly see the fulfillment of their own personal fantasies within reach. Let me repeat: This is about the fulfillment of their OWN PERSONAL fantasy and has nothing to do with Rin. She just happens to be the female character that’s closest to Sesshoumaru. The fact that she’s a child does not factor in this particular scenario, even though it SHOULD.

So again: The ship is fine on its own, because it’s literally a blank slate that you can go in ANY direction with. It’s the people that desperately grasp for canon and have decided that SessRin is a foregone conclusion WITHOUT any build-up or explanation that are the true problem. They look to the sequel and their own interpretations to justify their lazy and problematic interpretation of the ship. They make the ship into the potential grooming/pedophilia shitstorm that many “antis” are caught up in, but that’s not the ships fault.

Speaking of which, let’s talk about the grooming and possible pedophilia.

I’d ask people, after reading all of the above, to remember this: If there is any grooming at all, it has yet to happen, because NOTHING has happened between Sesshoumaru and Rin after the manga. Hell, they didn‘t even speak to each other in the charity chapter. They are still the same blank slates now that they were back then. Whether or not grooming happens is in the hands of any creator that decides to take their dynamic further.

As for pedophilic tendencies: I will not deny that there are traces of that in SessRin shipping (some prominent people also ship Zabuza/Haku from Naruto which is telling), but I swear to you that 99% of SessRin fanfictions I’ve read do NOT depict Sesshoumaru with a child Rin (except for 1-2 dark fics that portrayed the dangers of a relationship with such a power imbalance, which are extremely important works as well imo). Same goes for the art. This again because Rin is not treated as a proper character, but as a vessel for wish fulfillment.

I have said many negative things about the shippers that are triggering the entire fandom at the moment, but people that oppose this ship need to be honest with themselves and acknowledge that them jumping to the conclusion of “SessRin ALWAYS equals grooming and pedophilia” also lack creativity and the ability to differentiate between different paths and outcomes. Accusing others of pedophilia is inappropriate and uncalled for, not matter how upset you are. I too have had to learn and accept that pedophilia is a mental disorder and needs a proper diagnosis and treatment. What happens because of a mental disorder should never be excused, no matter if it’s depression, bi-polar disorder or pedophilia, but what we can hopefully all agree on is that mental disorders are not something you choose.

So the only thing I can say to you, Nonny, is this: If you see something that looks like pedophilia or grooming to you, absolutely do report it. As someone once told me: The block button is a form of self-care. Use it! I have done the same over the last couple of days and it’s cathartic. If something triggers you, avoid it and find someone/somewhere to vent to if necessary. Your feelings are extremely valid, your aggression towards others (if you have shown any, that is) is not. Your experiences were horrific without any shadow of the doubt, but the way this possibly influences how you react to and treat others is absolutely something that is YOUR responsibility.

What I would, again, ask all of the people aggressively opposing SessRin is that you reconsider your stance on pedophilia. Its potential consequences are inexcusable, but accusing other people of being pedophiles because you’re jumping to conclusions is in extremely bad taste and leaves you not only on the same intellectual level as the shipper you’re accusing, but possibly even lower than that because you’re cherry-picking which potential mental disorder you’re discriminating against. It’s a free world, of course, but I’m sure we’re all trying very hard not to be hypocrites.

I wanted to TL;DR this entire post, but there’s honestly no way to do that without skipping over important parts. So thank you if you’ve made it to the end of this massive ramble. I understand that this is a very delicate subject and I am open to any and all people that would like to discuss this further. Special thanks go to Nonny for giving me the opportunity to talk about this more. I hope I answered your question, even if it might not have been what you wished to hear. Have a wonderful day and please take good care of yourself!

[dragonologist-phd]

1, 4, 8, 9 and 10 for the Meta Asks, please!

thank you!

1. Tell us about your current project(s) ��� what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

ooh fun question! i have a lot of drabble/one shot ideas but I’ll take this to mean current multi-chapter fics! Right now I have three stories that I’m currently (more or less) updating

Of Diamonds and Dust- Dragon Age Origins fic featuring the journey of Wardens Darvis Brosca and Marja Aeducan during the first game! It basically started with me playing the dwarf origins and thinking “Wow my Aeducan and Brosca would really not like each other”, and so of course I had to write about them being forced to work together and eventually developing a reluctant found family relationship. Updates are kinda slow but pretty consistent- it’s definitely my longest fic and honestly I’m a lot further than I expected to get when I first started. I just really like these characters and want to keep writing them!

If The Creeks Don’t Rise- Pillars of Eternity Desta/Aloth fic! It feels like forever since I’ve updated this one, but I’m hoping to work more on it soon once fluff inspiration returns! I love developing the “between the scenes” moments in games, and Desta and Aloth’s relationship is so sweet and soft.

Prodigy- Tyranny fic focusing on the family dynamics between my Fatebinder, Bleden Mark, and Sirin! I’m replaying Tyranny right now (with DLC’s this time!) and I have so many headcanons on these three that I just had to write them. Progress isn’t too fast but also Tyranny fandom is so small I’m pretty sure very few people are actually reading it so I don’t feel bad about it XD it’s basically just me fulfilling my wish to write some Evil Found Family!

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

Hmm...I’ll go with this bit from Of Diamonds And Dust! I like it because I think it captures Marja’s personality so well- she is very focused in her ambitions and has a sort of relentless optimism that drives her forward, and although her values are very noble and chivalrous there’s also an edge of ruthlessness that comes from her upbringing in Orzammar. She’s just such an interesting character to write and these paragraphs from one of the early chapters are still something I’m very fond of:

How many of her ancestors have seen such things? Not many, she believes. Self-respecting, noble-born dwarves don’t visit the surface. Trian certainly would have died before letting himself be brought up to the surface world to look into the sky. Which, Marja numbly supposes, is exactly what happened.

But she’s alive. Everything else may be ashes around her- one brother dead, another turned traitor, and a father who thinks her a liar and a murderer- but she is alive. And even if she joins the Wardens and the Shapers purge her name from all records, she is an Aeducan still.

And when she is ready, when Bhelen has grown complacent in the belief that he is safe, she will return to this city and show her brother what it looks like when an Aeducan wages war.

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

I do like to read the same genres that I write, but also a bunch of stuff I don’t write. I love mysteries, but turns out developing plots for mysteries is really hard!

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

A little bit of both- drabbles are definitely easier to manage and I’ve got way more of them, but I’ve also get a few longfics I like. I’m definitely a pantser, I’ve tried using outlines and they just don’t work all that well for me. Any time I try to plan more than two chapters ahead I end up changing everything by the time I actually write it. But that’s what works for me!

10. How would you describe your writing process?

It depends. Sometimes I’ll have an idea for a story first, and I’ll usually throw together a quick bullet point list of what I want to happen and elements I know I want to include. Then I’ll go back and expand on those bullet points until I have the story. I more often do this for my multi-chapter fics where I’m trying to keep track of plot points.

If a scene is focused around a conversation, I’ll usually write the dialogue first and then go fill the descriptions after. It helps to get the actual conversation out of my head right away.

Sometimes I’ll just think of a specific description or line of dialogue and get so attached to it that I’ll build a scene around that. It’s usually how I end up with drabbles, but it happens sometimes with longer scenes too.

[owlswing]

ROTBTD TAG GAME

Okay, so I was tagged by

@ohlooksheswriting-wips

! Thanks for tagging me!

Answer these questions and tag your rotbtd friends! And please don’t reblog this, put your answer in a new post 😊✨

Name/nickname?

My blogging name is Owlswing, but I also go by Owl :)

How did you get into rotbtd?

Oh, gosh... I was about 15...? Anyways, I liked all of the movies individually, and I ended up stumbling across some fanart of all four of them together, and then I saw tags like “the big four”, and the rest is kinda history. I got in deep on a dying fandom and never left...

What made you stay/come back?

Hahaha! See, fandom was dying/dead when I came around, so I never left. I just started a really long Hogwarts AU that is still not finished... (also after checking the timeline for the last question, I realized that said Hogwarts AU is almost 5 YEARS OLD! Maybe I should do something special for the anniversary???)

Out of the four movies, which one is your favorite?

I mean, I absolutely love them all, probably wouldn’t be in the fandom if I didn’t, but... I have to go with Httyd. Hiccup is just a really relatable character for me, and I just love the exhilarating feeling I get every single time I watch Test Drive. It’s just so beautiful.

Dreamworks Dragons or Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure?

You know, I think I need to go with Tangled Adventure on this one. While I love the Dragons series, I feel like Tangled did a really good job of staying true to the original characters while also adding more at the same time for more dynamic plots and such. I think it was just really well done, and there are no plotholes/awkward overlaps like there are sometimes in httyd (that could be because there are less movies so not as many toes to step on) but still, I think Tangled Adventures was really, really well done and I must give credit where credit is due! :)

Which one do you prefer to be made a sequel of, Brave or Rise of the Guardians?

It’s hard because I really want BOTH... I think I would prefer a remake of Brave with the original director, Brenda Chapman, because I feel like it would’ve been so much better if she hadn’t been taken off a project that was inspired by her own relationship with her daughter. Yeah. I’m still mad about that Disney.

But for overall sequel I would probably go with Rise of the Guardians. Brave seems like more of a stand-alone plot to me, so trying to shoe-horn in something else has high chances of being not so great *coughfrozen2cough*. Where as rotg has many characters with different legends and stories to be told, a whole book series to draw from, it’s a whole world that we’ve only explored one small part of, and I would’ve liked to see well-adjusted team dynamics/family-team antics of the guardians! :)

OTP/BrOTP(s)?

Ah, see I’m really NOT against any of the ships, I’m just not big on shipping in general. There are very few ships that I’m actually, ya know, Into. So I’m definitely more of a Brotp kinda gal. I love me some good, healthy, and strong friendships! Found Family? That’s my ish! Love that!

Favorite character(s)?

Hiccup. But there’s a special place for each of them. I’ve seen myself in each of them and nothing can really replace that feeling.

Favorite AU(s)?

Okay, I gotta say Hogwarts AU cause I’m chin-deep in that right now. Soon to be drowning. Simultaneously the best and worst decision of my life. Haha! Just kidding! Anyways, I like this AU because I’m really big on fantasy, and it just makes sense; why four people from completely different walks of life ended up in the same place at the same time? I think it’s pretty cool and it’s such a big world to explore!

Besides that... I would say a War AU could be cool, like medieval fantasy or futuristic sci-fi. Pirate AUs and Circus AUs will also always catch my attention.

Pick one! favorite B4 house placement in Hogwarts AU? | favorite B4 nation/bending headcanons in ATLA AU?

Okay, so for Hogwarts Houses I definitely have preferred Houses, but the whole system is so generalizing to begin with I really believe that any of the four could be in pretty much any house if you really want, but here are my preferences:

Hiccup - Ravenclaw

Rapunzel - Hufflepuff

Merida - Gryffindor

Jack - Slytherin

As for bending headcannons, I really haven’t put a lot of thought into it, but that question is very intriguing... I’d probably do something like...

Hiccup - Air, because the peaceful Nomad lifestyle and the desire to fly and explore and be free is just very fitting. Also he could befriend Toothless instead of a Bison, confusing everyone because they thought Dragons were dangerous!

Rapunzel - Earth, because for one thing I love breaking norms in this way! I love the idea of Rapunzel being the dainty, pretty princess but then she busts out some of the most badass Earth Bending moves, invents metal bending to escape Gothel, is just very kind but if you piss her off she’ll totally wreck you. I think this would be A LOT of fun. Also, I think it would be fitting with the whole “flower” thing. I also think it could be an interesting character arc where she’s not very good because her personality doesn’t exactly fit the “traditional earth bender attitude” and being raised by Gothel (”You? A bender! Oh, honestly Rapunzel, don’t make me laugh!”) could leave a lot of insecurities that she would have to grow and work through. I think it could be really beautiful.

Merida - Fire, on the flip side this one is kinda typical I imagine, but I would say (also on the flip side) make her afraid of it. Make it the one thing that Merida isn’t, well, Brave about. She doesn’t like fire bending. It could potentially make her a disgrace to her royal/noble family. It also would explain why she’s so good with a bow and sword: she chooses weapons over bending. Unlike Rapunzel who wants to learn but is hindered and must overcome, Merida would be against learning and would eventually have to learn that it is a part of her and learn how to accept it (after possibly visiting the dragons with Hiccup or whoever the avatar would be cause who the heck knows? could be interesting if none of the Four are the Avatar. Make a fifth character the Avatar and the Four could just be the teachers...)

Jack - Water, obvious, I know, but giving Jack ice powers AND another element makes him WAY to OP. I would say Jack is actually not a natural at water bending. He’s always accidentally freezing everything! (not unlike Katara). He has to work hard and earn his title as a master, eventually becoming the best because he trained harder than any of the others and surpassed the other water benders that used to torment him back in his home village! I also think Blood Bending could be an interesting plot device here (maybe Jack is tempted to use the technique because he’s worked so hard and still isn’t good enough? Or just in general Jack’s inner battle between the darkness and his fun-loving personality...)

......Dang it. I think I just started plotting something. o_o

Pick one! since this is 2020, any hot takes you want to give us? | what old fanon tropes that you still enjoyed to this day?

I will always love brotp between Jack and Hiccup! Absolute favorite. I also love the idea of the four having sleepovers and telling each other everything and overall being supportive and loving towards each other. All the positivity and fluff!

Any fic recs? Or if you couldn’t think of any, what was the last rotbtd fanfiction that you read? (It could be an old work or a recent one, do share!)

Uh... I honestly haven’t been reading many as I barely have time to write, but I did hear of one that I think is pretty good! It’s a pokemon AU by Acecove! I’ll link it below...

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13320856/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-World-Evolving-Together

Whew! That was a lot! Anyways, I’ll tag @emixa26 and @adaminaart!

[echodrops]

Why You Should Be Shipping Shigaraki/Ochako

No, no, hang on a second--I see that side-eye you are throwing hard enough to ruin your peripheral vision. I feel the shade you’re casting like a thundercloud rolling in. But you didn’t read wrong. I meant what I said.

I’ve never made a secret of my love for rare pairs, but for once in my damn lonely shipper’s hellscape of a life I would love it if my favorite crack ship in a fandom had more than two fics (I’m NOT JOKING) to its name.

What can I do to correct this egregious oversight before the entire summer passes with nary a whisper of the most romantic ship since Juliet wherefore art thou’d Romeo?

Well, what else? I was forged in the fires of early 2000s’ fandom, and I know that desperate times call for desperate measures meticulously researched and extremely rose-tinted

Shipping Manifestos.

Fam, I am about to blow your minds, align your chakras, open your third eyes--because Shigaraki and Ochako is the most slept on ship in the entire BNHA fandom, and if you give me ten minutes like an hour (holy shit, this is long), I can prove it.

Disclaimer: @mistystarshine is the enabler who convinced me to write this but we were both enabled by @ohmytheon’s Reconfigure (on AO3) so you know who’s really responsible.

Spoilers to Chapter 231, watch out.

First off, I know what you’re thinking. Maybe you’re still reading from pure shock. Maybe you’re doubt-reading to get your daily fix of internet skepticism. Maybe you’re waiting for me to say these two characters are meant to be because she wears pink and his hair is blue. Maybe you’re already freaking out about age gaps but like that is what future fics and AUs are actually for!!!

I’m not telling you to give up your IzuOcha or Kacchako. I’m not gonna pry ShigaDabi out of your eager little villain stan hands. But if you’ve never considered multi-shipping, now is the time my friends, because I’m totally serious heartfelt here! I’ve got VALID reasons for shipping Shigako--ten of them, in fact:

1) Midoriya is taken for granted as Uraraka’s love interest--but Shigaraki is incredibly similar to him.

There are reams of meta on the parallels between Midoriya and Shigaraki, with plenty people noting how Horikoshi specifically set the two up as foils to examine similar character development despite their drastically different circumstances. Yet for all the meta pointing out that Shigaraki and Midoriya are basically the same character through a mirror darkly, I’ve never seen anyone bear that thought out to its logical conclusion: there are traits Uraraka admires in Midoriya that are extremely apparent in Shigaraki too.

Multiple times in the manga, Uraraka expresses admiration for Deku’s resolve and refusal to give up. His determination in the face of impossible odds and his sense of dedication to his cause are powerful motivating factors in Ochako’s storyline, and Deku’s behavior--his willingness to charge straight into danger and his unflinching pursuit of his goal to be #1--have basically become the standard to which Uraraka holds herself.

Her crush is literally founded on an appreciation for Midoriya’s drive, earnestness, and constant growth as a person.

But these are all traits that Shigaraki also explicitly possesses. Shigaraki’s unwavering resolve is so strong that even though everyone around him says dream is unattainable... they follow him anyway.

Ujiko flat out tells Shigaraki he’s chasing a pipe dream, but he’s willing to come along for the ride strictly because of how committed Shigaraki is to making that dream a reality. The strength of Tomura’s conviction alone persuaded a collection of the most volatile and difficult personalities in the manga to band together and become found family the most well-known anti-establishment organization in all of Japan.

Shigaraki never, even in the face of overwhelming threat, backs down from a challenge, and he approaches each impossible task with absolutely as much effort, ferocity, and refusal to quit as Deku. He is just as dedicated, just as much of a shounen protagonist main character, and just as willing to push himself above and beyond as Deku.

The traits that motivated Uraraka to become the character she is today, many of the exact same traits that formed her crush on Midoriya, are all there in Shigaraki. In another world, the person who inspired Uraraka to go “Plus Ultra” could be Tomura himself, and if 1) no sense of self-preservation, 2) ZERO CHILL, and 3) dogged obsession are what Uraraka finds attractive, Shigaraki clearly has 'em covered. Oh no, he’s meeting all my standards.

2) Being serious though, Ochako’s role in the plot would be vastly improved by more meaningful interactions with the antagonists, even if just in battle.

I’ve written before about how badly the writing of BNHA treats Ochako, and why her constantly being out-of-focus is a hallmark of the genre’s crippling inability to handle dynamic female characters, but it bears repeating: in her current position in the story, Uraraka’s character has minimal agency. She exists to fill the role of Deku’s love interest (at worst) and an emotional crutch (at best). Again, absolutely no hate on the IzuOcha ship--it’s clearly canon endgame and “wholesome” I guess is what they’re calling it nowadays. But the way IzuOcha’s being written in canon is actually the worst possible thing that could happen to Uraraka’s individual character, because Ochako’s crush on Deku has been given virtually no bearing on the story’s main plot and allows Horikoshi to consistently reduce Uraraka’s personal accomplishments to “inspirations from Deku” (in order to, likely, fulfill young male readers’ fantasy of having a girl fixated on them).

Is Uraraka about to do something cool in the manga? Wait for her comment about being motivated by Deku.

Does Uraraka actually get to see some action and get involved in a fight? Wait for someone to bring up her feelings for Deku.

Is Deku about to have a dramatic clash with the story’s villains to advance the main plotline? Wait for Ochako to entirely vanish (at worst) or get sidelined into a three panel clip where she’ll use the same martial art move she’s been using since like chapter 10 (at best).

If I have to read “Gunhead Martial Arts” one more fucking time... Give Ochako her OWN supermoves goddammit!!

The story of the comic itself continually pushes Ochako out of any position of relevance. She’s not one of UA’s strongest fighters (despite having a quirk that, if applied like ANY of the male characters, has incredible potential), she’s not given half the emotional depth or attention even side characters like Kirishima get, and her backstory lacks the development many of the male characters’ get (I’m looking at you, Todoroki).

As a “good girl,” she isn’t allowed to get her hands dirty like Toga, she isn’t allowed to get as bloodied or ugly as any of the boys, and she can never be allowed to surpass the main male characters in coolness or plot relevance because girls can be “heroes” but they can’t be The Hero™. (I’m literally gagging, guys.)

Which is EXACTLY why a plot involving Shigaraki and Ochako--in ANY capacity, even just a flat out fight against each other!--would actually be a fan-fucking-tastic addition to BNHA.

Skip the token Toga vs. Ochako chick fight where they squabble over who loves Izuku more. Let Toga talk to Izuku as herself for once. Let Uraraka throw down with the League’s leader. At least once, Horikoshi? Just once?

Literally any form of plot that puts Shigaraki and Ochako into contact would mean moving Uraraka into a more central position within the manga’s plot, would boost her screen-time, increase the likelihood of her contributing to the story’s primary conflict, and would give her more to do and emotionally engage with than just repeating the same lines about Deku being amazing on an endless loop. There is untapped character development potential in spades here if Uraraka was given chance to genuinely interact with the other half of the story’s cast!

Give👏 Uraraka👏 something👏 meaningful👏 to do!👏

Putting the story’s foremost female character on out there on the frontlines with the manga’s actual main character antagonist would finally break her out of the mold she’s been forced into by genre stereotypes and set her on an even playing field with the male heroes at last.

A meaningful encounter with Shigaraki could be Ochako’s ticket to being treated respectfully by the story itself (and hell if giving underappreciated characters a real place in the world isn’t Tomura’s freakin’ calling card already).

3) Okay, I know the words “subverting expectations” leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth nowadays, but there is a huge difference between “throwing inexplicable plot twists at the audience just for shock factor” and “averting stale cliches in an emotionally rewarding manner.” Sure, cliches do exist for a reason, but there are still many instances where actively avoiding a cliche plotline is a great choice. A shounen manga’s token love interest ending up with someone other than the hero--namely with a (reformed) villain--would be an interesting flip on the trite “hero gets the girl” script.

Look, we all know how it goes: Hero clashes with Bad Guy. They duke it out all over Kingdom Come. RIP like fifty square city blocks. The Hero wins, heads home triumphant, sweeps his Princess off her feet, and sails off into the hero rankings sunset. End of the same story we’ve seen a million times. Sometimes it’s done well and the audience is left satisfied. Other times, the heroine involved is reduced to the hero’s reward, less person than wish fulfillment. In either case, tying up a romantic subplot with a hero is the go-to way of resolving female characters’ storylines and, at this point, pretty much a given in manga, even when the romantic subplot is never given the development it deserves, leaving audiences bewildered at how and why the hook-up actually happened.

I’m not saying every comic should “subvert expectations” and cancel its romantic subplot between the hero and heroine, of course not. But I am saying that it would be pretty refreshing to see something else for once.

By virtue of their role, villains don’t usually “get the girl.” Even redeemed villains rarely end up in happy, healthy, well-written relationships. It’s not impossible but it is unlikely that a series’ designated female lead ever wavers in her attentions from the main hero to a new romantic target.

So it would be pretty cool if one did, if the moral of the story’s romantic subplot wasn’t just "token love interest completes painfully shoehorned romantic gestures.” A good romance with a redeemed ex-villain instead of a hero would take a lot more explanation. It would demand, by its very nature, more work on the author’s part to suspend disbelief. The characters would have to develop an entirely different rapport from the normal interactions between designated love interests, and, to a certain extent, strong character growth would be required in order for such a romance to even get started. There’s more moral complexity and conflict to a subplot like this, and a greater sensation of choice--if the heroine doesn’t have to end with the hero by the end of the story, well hey... That means she could end up with just about anyone. Whoa.

Even more so, in the specific case of Shigaraki, who has lived a life of misery and manipulation, the idea that he could come out on the other side, grow as a person, redeem himself, and eventually enter a healthy relationship with someone who isn’t going to hurt him is an idea I find deeply appealing. I think there are a lot of villain stans, myself included, who see parts of themselves in Shigaraki. If a character who has been so severely impacted by abuse can still heal and ultimately end up happy, to me, that’s a far more hopeful and heart-warming conclusion than the alternatives. I did warn you this manifesto would be rose-tinted, didn’t I?

I want storylines that prove that none of us are beyond saving. That people who make bad choices can still change. That romance isn’t a reward for playing the “right” role. That heroines have options. That there are still pleasant surprises to be found in romance plots.

4) But why Shigaraki and Ochako, in particular? It’s not like they have any remotely shared life experiences--

Oops. Friendly reminder: Ochako is the only major character in the manga besides the villains who is overtly described as, I quote, “poorer than poor.” Todoroki, Yaomomo, and Iida can all make it rain; Kaminari, Mina, and Jirou can afford stylish clothes; Kirishima can drop a stupid amount on night vision googles... Even Midoriya, whose father “works overseas,“ can afford plenty of All Might merchandise. One of the popular fandom theories for a while was that Ochako could be U.A.’s traitor specifically because of her desire to help her parents financially, and I think that most readers at this point can discern a clear divide in BNHA’s society: heroes are the “haves” and villains are the “have nots.” To be a hero in this story is to attend a prestigious school, have access to expensive support items, gear, insurance, fame and glory, etc.

Meanwhile, with the exception of All For One, to be a villain in BNHA’s story is to be marginalized, live in unfit conditions, lack access to basic safety and nutritional resources, and struggle to make ends meet. When ability to thrive in a hero-centric society is synonymous with being a good and worthwhile person, anyone who doesn’t just naturally excel in the hero-driven economy is treated as flawed at best and suspect at worst. Poor characters in the story are ignored, and, as demonstrated with people like Twice, left essentially to fend for themselves.

Uraraka’s status as lower income is mostly played for laughs. She’s still a privileged character in that she can attend U.A., receive hero items for free, has a safe place to live, etc. But it is important that the story acknowledges her family’s situation, because her financial status does set her apart from her classmates.

She is less privileged than the others. Being “the poor character” situates Uraraka in the interesting divide between those who couldn’t cope and chose to rebel against hero society instead, versus those who conformed to the hero system in an attempt to improve their situations. In different circumstances, if Uraraka’s family was just even the tiniest bit worse off, we might be seeing a very different character here, one who had to make some much harder choices to keep her family afloat.

Having been in the position of "going without,” Uraraka also has a unique understanding of the “real world” that many of her heroics classmates might lack. She understands what it is like to go hungry, to not be able to afford to keep up with the newest trends, to be constantly anxious about the future--to feel unsuccessful, overlooked, and under constant pressure to perform. As someone who wasn’t raised in the lap of luxury or even really a middle-class home, Uraraka has more insight into--and would likely have more empathy for--the plight of the downtrodden daily criminals of the BNHA world. Just based on her own life experiences, Ochako is more likely than her classmates to recognize how harsh reality can be, and understand the temptations that lead people to make terrible decisions.

This makes Ochako an especially interesting character in terms of her pro hero future. Would she be able to sympathize and reach out to struggling "villains” more effectively than others from her class, who lack her humble background? Would she be able to better see the big picture of BNHA’s society, and the way it actively creates villains from its marginalized populations? Would she be able to look at the League not just as criminals, but also as people who never stood a chance within the confines of a rigged social structure?

Uraraka’s background shifts her closer to the story’s villains than many of the other hero characters, and puts her in a unique place to both empathize and become motivated to change the flawed system that produced people like Shigaraki and the League in the first place.

5) Likewise, Uraraka’s background actually makes her more palatable to Shigaraki than other heroes. At least at the beginning of the comic, Uraraka isn’t shy about admitting that one of her reasons for becoming a hero is to help her parents financially. Ochako’s original motivation for heroism isn’t portrayed as nobly as others’ like Deku--Deku has no ulterior motives for being a hero; he just wants to save people and wouldn’t care about personally benefiting.

Instead, Ochako is presented as someone who (initially) sees heroism as a means to an end. It’s not that she doesn’t want to save people, but that she’s not doing so only for the intrinsic worth... the hefty paycheck that comes from heroism is a big draw.

Over time the manga has shown her shifting away from this (which actually makes her character less unique, unfortunately), but I’m sure it’s still a thought for her, and she’s definitely going to send paychecks to her parents in the future. At the end of the day, heroism is still going to be Uraraka’s ticket to a better lifestyle, even if she’s committed herself to it honestly by the time she leaves U.A.

But it’s this exact form of personal motivation that Shigaraki is much more likely to understand than the “goody-two-shoes” motivations of people like Deku. Multiple times in the comic Shigaraki has expressed confusion with society’s habit of clinging mindlessly to symbols, of their blind faith in the virtues of heroism, and their ability to simply overlook suffering because “surely a hero will do something about it.” Stain’s ideals about “true heroes” go straight past Shigaraki, who seems to hate heroes who are earnest (All Might, I’m talking about All Might) far more than those who are simply faking their way through for fame. 

Shigaraki understands humans who are driven by personal gain. He respects the individual desires of people he cares about. Someone in the hero industry explicitly seeking tangible benefits would likely, to Shigaraki at least, come across as more genuine than someone who claims they have no ulterior motives, and a person who is blunt about their needs and grounded in the reality of BNHA’s world would likely be much more acceptable to Tomura than someone who spews trite lines about peace and justice.

Shigaraki’s feelings for heroes have been irreparably damaged by his conditioning from All For One, but there are certainly some heroes that he would find less loathsome than others. He will probably never understand Deku’s selflessness. All Might’s saccharine symbolism actively infuriates him. But a person who became a hero to put food on the table? To provide for her parents (maybe especially because it is her parents she’s trying to provide for)? That’s at least understandable. If the manga’s future does see Shigaraki redeemed, my thought is that the only type of heroes we’ll ever see him willingly interact with would still be heroes just like Ochako, with more “down to earth” personal motivations. Uraraka, your codename is “If I had to date a hero”...

6) While we’re talking about shared life experiences, there’s another very obvious similarity between Shigaraki and Ochako: neither one of them can touch things with all five fingers.

Cute/fridge horror observation: Shigaraki is even daintier about touching things than Uraraka is; Uraraka usually lifts just her pinkies, but Shigaraki frequently uses as few fingers as possible.

Yeah, yeah, they both have to be dainty and careful with everything they hold. It’d be cute to watch them eat together. They could mutually gripe about the annoyance of video game consoles not designed for four-finger use. More than that though, neither one of them can touch other human beings without the risk of causing death.

Uraraka, as a hero, has the more privileged quirk design (she can turn her quirk off, while Shigaraki can’t) and until recently, the comic was always very careful to portray Uraraka’s quirk in a way that no one was endangered by it. But dropping Zero Gravity into the hands of a villain for a single chapter reveals the truth: Uraraka’s quirk has just as much lethal potential as Shigaraki’s.

Like Shigaraki, Uraraka has to face the reality that her touch alone could jeopardize the safety of anyone she comes into contact with, in her daily life and in her hero work. Drop some debris without looking twice? Just crushed a civilian. Release your quirk without thinking? Now the villain you floated is paste on the sidewalk. Thought that it was safe to float away the building? Oops, you crushed someone still trapped inside. Yikes. In a one-on-one battle, Uraraka is actually at a disadvantage not because her quirk is weak, but the dead opposite--in an outdoor fight, she would have to actively work not to accidentally send people off into outer space.

Having an auto-activate touch quirk means that both Shigaraki and Ochako have to be conscious of every single thing they touch all the time. Both of their quirks require constant bodily awareness, and both come with the lurking knowledge that “My touch causes problems.” Even for Ochako, who would merely be a nuisance if she accidentally floated objects indoors, it’s easy to internalize frustration and negative associations with one’s own body. Every day, Ochako has to be careful with herself in a way that few of her peers do, another factor that sets her apart.

One of the story’s overarching themes is the idea of “self-acceptance” and what it even means to “accept yourself” in a world where (almost) every human being possesses a distinguishing feature, often built into their bodies at the expense of standard human functioning. For people with limited control over their quirks, who can’t choose when the effect activates, a quirk is a constant burden and facet of their identity that entirely re-shapes how they interact with the world. Both Shigaraki and Uraraka face the practicality of having burdensome, even lethal, auto-activate quirks that require constant self-awareness. This is a similarity that, of the major characters, only Shigaraki and Ochako possess so far. (Even other major characters with touch-based quirks like Overhaul appear to be able to choose when to activate their quirks).

The “funny” way Shigaraki and Ochako hold things seems like just a small similarity until you remember the amount of practice and frustration it must have taken to internalize a four-fingered touch. Until you remember that this similarity marks them both as very careful and self-conscious characters. Until you remember that Shigaraki’s got a one-touch instakill... but so does Uraraka Ochako.

7) Okay, similarities are cool and all, but you know what they say: opposites attract. And if we’re talking character motivation, there are no cleaner opposites in the entire series. Shigaraki and Ochako are actually even better emotional foils than Shigaraki and Deku, because Ochako’s central motivation is “Make as many people smile as possible” and Shigaraki’s is, literally, “Make it so no one can ever smile again.”

I know I ragged on it earlier, but now I’m going to use it to my full advantage: as the story evolved and characters grew, Ochako’s “true” motivation to become a hero revealed itself: she feels a deep, intrinsic happiness when witnessing the happiness of others. Her desire as a hero is to spread relief, the sense of security that allows people to go about their days smiling. She literally feels happiest when everyone around her is happy.

Even more so than Deku, this casts Uraraka as Shigaraki’s diametric opposite in the story, because Shigaraki’s entire pipe dream goal also hinges on the smiles of others--and how absolutely much he hates them. Shigaraki’s goal is total world destruction because he just resents the happiness of others that fucking much.

On the surface alone it’s more fascinating than the story will probably ever live up to: Ochako, the heroine who wants to spread smiles; Shigaraki, the villain who wants to destroy them. Even if we’re just talking canon, zero romance involved, that would still be an interesting conflict to explore. The story could cover a lot of deeper ground by drawing the comparison between these two characters more directly. It would definitely validate Uraraka being involved in more major plot events, at the very least.

BUT this was supposed to be about shipping, so of course I can’t leave it there, and leaving it there would only be half the story anyway, because nobody is born hating smiles. Everything we’ve seen of Shigaraki’s past so far indicates that he was a kid with a cute dog, a warm relationship with his sister, and an interest in heroes--i.e., a decent life that probably included his own fair share of smiles. Shigaraki’s hatred and resentment are direct products of the traumatic manipulation he suffered at AFO’s hands. He despises the idea that people around him can smile and act upbeat, even when they objectively know villains are lurking all around them. He is actually sick to his stomach at the idea of people blindly putting their faith in heroes, knowing what he does: that heroes often fail, that there are many people who desperately need to be rescued and are instead overlooked. The world failed Shimura Tenko and then had the nerve to keep on smiling without him.

Other people’s smiles represent nothing but the joy, security, love, and peace that Shigaraki Tomura hasn’t experienced since the day his quirk manifested. The sight of any living thing fills Shigaraki with rage because everything bright and beautiful, everything good and calm and kind and soft and warm, is everything that Shigaraki has lost and believes he will never, ever get to experience again.

Shigaraki doesn’t really hate the pure happy smiles of others; he hates the fact that the world has taken away every single thing he ever had to smile about.

It is my belief that Horikoshi is hinting at a redemption arc for Shigaraki, especially as we see the League become closer allies. But Shigaraki can’t be completely redeemed, can’t be persuaded to give up his world-destruction plan, until he can look at the smiles of others without scorn. Until the bright, upbeat attitudes of heroes other people no longer feel like a personal attack. Until he’s happy enough that the happiness of others no longer hurts. Until the weight is lifted.

And I can’t think of any character more obviously suited to helping lift an immense weight than Uraraka, the zero gravity hero who wants nothing more than to spread smiles.

8) Speaking of lifting weights... Kacchako is a popular ship stemming in large part from Bakugou’s refusal to treat Uraraka with kid gloves. He faces her head-on as a real opponent and views her like any other hero hopeful.

As I’ve said before, this is pretty much the most respectfully the series itself has ever treated Uraraka Ochako, and it caught a lot of attention because it was one of the rare occasions that a female pro hero-in-training was really treated as an equal to the male characters. Kacchako shippers had something awesome to work with.

But... You know who else treats women as equals? (Hell, you know who treats literally everyone as equals, from those with mutant quirks to trans people to those with severe mental health issues?) You can say what you want about Shigaraki’s habit of, you know, mass murder, but in terms of viewing others equally and respecting (okay, let’s be real, it’s probably closer to just ignoring) differences, Tomura is about as open-minded as BNHA characters come. The League is an equal opportunity employer.

Unlike actual hero characters, Shigaraki has never once suggested that Toga is incapable of keeping up with any of the male members of the League, and in fact has entrusted her with many of the League’s most dangerous and crucial missions. He explicitly has faith in her ability and skill.

Toga’s right there in the fight against Gigantomachia and the QLA, as much an equal member of the League as anyone else. In terms of gender equality, the villains seem to be light-years ahead of their hero counterparts, and Shigaraki in particular doesn’t discriminate, among his allies or his opponents either. He’s not a “spare the women and children” kind of guy; every hero and villain challenger is treated with equal violence (and equal snark), whether they’re male, female, a long-time pro or a student in training.

In whatever context--canon opponent, AU ally, or a future romantic interest--Shigaraki would take Ochako just as seriously as Bakugou did. If you like Kacchako because Bakugou doesn’t dismiss Uraraka, that same dynamic would be present in Shigako too.

9) And on the topic of Shigaraki and women... It doesn’t feel accidental that every single female character who ever had love for Shigaraki has been taken away from him. A distinct part of Shigaraki’s storyline is that all positive female role models have been systematically removed from his life. He lost his grandmother, a hero he could have looked up to; he lost his mother, who he now has no memory of; he lost the older sister he clearly held dear... All For One’s control over Tomura has always been total, but this particular detail feels especially insidious: was All For One’s spite for Nana so strong that he delighted in deliberately destroying every single relationship Tenko had with women connected to Nana’s legacy? (Or is AFO perhaps just a raging misogynist? Every single one of his known associates is male and he seemed to despise and mock Nana particularly hard...)

In any case, the point I’m trying to make here is that, even ruling love interests out, Shigaraki’s storyline would be enriched by forging a meaningful connection with a female character like Ochako. Acceptance--maybe even some grudging admiration--for a female hero? A fantastic opportunity to show just how different the “villains” are from the discriminatory society that produced them. Supporting friendship while he’s on the road to recovery? A+ way to diversify interactions between the male and female cast. Send a tough girl to Tartarus to question his motives? Nice chance for tense dialogue and some good old noire-esque foe yay. Hostage situation that takes a turn for the surprisingly cordial? Fun way to explore different dynamics and humanize the villains because hey, they treated the “damsel” to dinner shortbread cookies. My god, Shigaraki could even develop some positive sense of rivalry with a woman, for example! The possibilities are endless if you’re actually willing to give female characters a shot!

Being more serious, Tomura’s life has been dramatically marked by the loss of his female family members, and--at least from what we know so far--his entire youth was spent without the presence of reliable friendships, let alone any form of “love” that wasn’t disturbingly fake. Beyond his fragmented memories, he has no models for healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Letting Shigaraki develop to the point that he could form a mutually positive relationship with a female hero character would be extremely cathartic for me as a reader. I don’t mean “rewarding redemption with a last-minute happy ending romance”--I mean actually getting the opportunity to watch Tomura rediscover what it means to be genuinely loved and realize he has the capacity to give love and be happy in return...

Reaching that level of mutual support and closeness--especially with a female pro hero--would be the biggest “FUCK YOU” that Shigaraki could give to All For One, short of, you know, actually killing him.

Shigaraki Tomura has a critical (and deliberate) lack of healthy connections to women. BNHA, coincidentally, has a criminally under-utilized female lead just twiddling her thumbs over here, waiting for a meaningful plotline to be thrown her way.

Sure, putting AFO in prison is cool and all, but have you considered... crushing his pride and legacy of evil by helping the boy he tortured for years learn to love again? I’m just sayin’!

Uraraka Ochako, snatching Shigaraki right the fuck out of AFO’s hands:

10) Basically what the whole thing boils down to is this: Shigaraki Tomura needs a hero.

Don’t mistake my meaning. A lot of “girl meets bad boy” plots end up amounting to “girl becomes emotionally responsible for fixing bad boy’s issues,” and that’s not what I’m gunning for--Shigaraki has to redeem himself because redemption is only meaningful when it stems from the character’s own inner desire to change; I’m not quite rose-tinted enough to buy into the Love Redeems trope myself. I’m definitely not advocating anyone dump Shigaraki Tomura as he is now into Uraraka Ochako’s lap and expect her to turn him from a beast to a beauty. It’s not an unrelated woman’s responsibility to fix a broken man.

But! From a reader’s perspective, I think we can agree: Shigaraki’s redemption cannot be complete until he learns to believe in real heroes. He doesn’t have to like them. He doesn’t have to support hero society. But he has to be able to look at real heroes like Izuku and Ochako and admit that they are doing what’s right--that society is a better place because they are here. Shigaraki’s path to recovery can’t even begin until he’s capable of at least acknowledging that the world has things worth saving in it.

If Horikoshi moves forward with a redemption arc for Shigaraki, it will probably be Deku who Detroit Smashes the message of truly noble heroes into Shigaraki’s head. That’s his job as the resident Warrior Therapist, I suppose. But you know... to me, it might be even more meaningful if Shigaraki’s hero--if the hand that reaches out to rescue him--isn’t The Hero’s™ but just a hero’s. We all know Deku is selfless and good to the core. As All Might’s perfect successor, he really has nothing to prove. It’s everyone else who is in question. It’s the whole rest of hero society that owes Shigaraki Tomura an explanation for the suffering of people like the League’s members. It’s everyone else who needs to prove they can do better--that in the future, there will be no bloody children left abandoned in back alleyways.

Uraraka Ochako’s conviction is to save people. As a female hero who hasn’t lived a privileged life, she’s uniquely situated to think about those who are most often overlooked. In a world where violence begets violence, where only those with strength and flash excel, what a powerful message it would send for the terrifying antagonist to effectively be rescued by someone the story itself has called “a frail girl.” At the end of the day, heroics isn’t supposed to be about mountain-destroying explosions and mach punches--heroics is supposed to be about heart, about reaching out a gentle helping hand, about spreading smiles to those who need them most.

Tomura’s faith in heroes has been brutally stripped from him, and every part of his conflict is tied up intimately with his misdirected hatred: it wasn’t actually heroes who isolated and hurt him--it was villains. In order to move forward, he will have to come to that horrible realization, deal with that means for himself and his place in the world, and recognize the truth: there are goodness and good people in the world. Selfless heroes, those who wouldn’t turn their backs on a crying child, do exist. There are people, even now, who would extend a kind hand to Shigaraki Tomura and do their best to bring a real smile to his face. Because that’s what’s really going on, after all.

Shimura Tenko is still waiting to be saved.

And I know just the person to do it.

[engagemachine]

Could you imagine a world in which Taylor wasn't a girl? I can't. But To what extent does Taylor being a girl set the tone for her and the Joker's dynamic? Would the Joker have taken care of a little boy? Would he have been able to manipulate him in the same way? Would he have thought him as fragile? Would he find said vulnerability appealing in a boy? Could or would sex still play a role in their dynamic? Honestly, my answer to most of these would be no. What's your take?

I remember thinking about this exact same thing a couple of years ago, and I’ve thought about it a handful of times since then, especially when I was toying with the idea of writing a Joker fic where the OC is a male protagonist. I’m actually still toying with the idea, if I’m honest, I've just always felt unsure if anybody would even want to read it. 

Anyway, to get back to your question(s), I do think the dynamic in Clockwork would be incredibly different if Taylor had been a boy. Their dynamic progresses to a sexual one in both Blackout and JK (I mention JK even though it’s technically an AU just because I still consider it to be a part of the universe... I love it so much) but I definitely don’t think that would’ve been the case if Taylor had been a boy. First of all, if a male version of Taylor had shared the same personality traits that she exhibits in Clockwork (very timid, shy, innocent, vulnerable, etc) I don’t think he would’ve been as drawn to these traits. There’s a whole big discussion in there about gender roles and it’s all incredibly antiquated and sexist, but I don’t think the Joker would’ve seen a male version of her character as carrying the same assets that the female version of her has, if that makes sense. 

There’s also the matter that the Joker had planned to sacrifice her in front of the entire city, and (as terrible as this is to say) his plan just doesn’t quite carry the same weight if it were a little boy of the same age that he was sacrificing instead. Little girls are cute and blameless and innocent. Little boys are are those things, too, but less so in the eyes of the public. Little boys are encouraged to roughhouse and play in the dirt. Little girls are encouraged to have tea parties and keep their dresses clean. Is it sexist? Yes, absolutely -- but he’s playing towards society’s moral empathy and how to best incite it. 

I don’t think sex would have ever played a role in their dynamic, and in fact, in the case of JK specifically, I think the Joker would have been a lot more interested in crafting a protegee out of the character. He would have groomed male Taylor differently; perhaps he’d delight in taunting Batman with his own Robin, and isn’t that interesting to think about? Their relationship might even be more father-son, as weird as that is to say. I don’t really know if they’d share any of the domestic closeness that’s developed between Taylor and the Joker in JK and Burn (all of that ‘domestic bliss’ is very sexually-fueled, whether you realize it or not) but the two of them would definitely raze the city together, and delight in doing so. 

The other interesting thing to note is that I feel like boys/men are absolutely more predisposed to violence than women -- mostly because it’s more socially acceptable for men to be violent. In regards to the efforts the Joker would have to go through in order to push a male version of her to the breaking point, he might not even have to push that hard just because a male Taylor and the female Taylor would’ve been raised/treated very differently and their personalities wouldn’t exactly align -- they’d almost be different people entirely. There’s a lot to say about this (again, gender roles) but that alone deserves its own separate essay. 

[mwolf0epsilon]

I don't know if you would be up for this sort of thing but could you maybe write a fic where androids can have children? And not just limited to female androids either instead I imagine androids of all genders would be able to reproduce.

I’ll be honest Anon, the phrasing of this ask took me by surprise at first and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to reply.But, thanks from some helpful insight from @anomalous-appliances I managed to give you a polycho baby.

Enjoy!

---

     Among many of the basic rights that Jericho fought for, many were heavily contested due to biological differences between man and android.Work permits, for example, came easier to acquire than a right for medical treatment. Androids were after all made to endure long hours of menial and specialized work, but not inherently considered high enough priority for EMTs to waste time on if an emergency involving an android was called in on the emergency lines.That sort of thing was still entirely on Cyberlife and the owners of the injured androids in question, something which all leaders of Jericho did not want to leave unchanged. The fate of abandoned and abused androids should not be left in their abusers's hands.Another thing that came easier was owning property, as a working-class member of society was entitled to spend their hard earned cash on whatever goods and services they desired.Real-estate, not so much. Android exclusive apartment complexes were still the only feasible way of integrating their people into society, due to the high rate of hate crime related deaths that came with failed attempts at housing androids in suburbs and human-inhabited apartment buildings.Lastly, the right to reproduce became a hot topic of controversy among the higher-ups in the world of politics.It was a monopoly of its own.All licences for android assembly were strictly Cyberlife territory. As such, no one could produce a model without permission.This, of course, had been used to the CEO's advantage before a certain entrepreneur and genius stepped in to regain control of his estranged company.

     Whether or not Elijah Kamski was an ally or a foe was still entirely up for debate, but Markus was willing to trust someone Carl considered a friend. And if not Elijah, then at least he'd trust Chloe's judgement.She was the first of many, the oldest android to ever be free. Unrestricted, never bound by lines of red code that coiled around them like chains and serpents. Never confined by red walls that stood towering above.Chloe was created to be born, to be alive, and they had followed in her footsteps by transcending all that Cyberlife had ever wanted them to be.Chloe was trustworthy, he knew she was. Somehow, instinctively, he knew so.  "They'll never relinquish the rights of assembly." Josh sighed as they looked through the paperwork. There was tons to read, impossibly long. But they were already ahead of the human lawyers.  "They will. They won't have much of a choice, not with Elijah fighting tooth and nail to regain control." Chloe smiled, her words simple and sweet and yet so comforting.Like an infinitely patient mother.Markus's code shuddered with want at the word.Mother. Family.He wanted it so badly, to let his kind have what he'd had, and yet he also wanted more. Felt like something was missing.Something he's working on with a passion that inspired his people and his partners alike.  "A right to reproduce, the right to continue our species...Humans have children every day of the year. Congress can't deny us our rights, neither can a corrupt company that thinks it still owns us." The RK200 continued to read even as he murmured his thoughts, loud enough that the others could hear.  "You're really invested in this…" North noted.  "Why of course. Markus was made with highly refined social programming." Chloe's smile was a proud one now, a twinkle in her eye. "Adaptive. The next step in every domestic android's life is to prepare for an increase in familial units, due to humanity's rate of reproduction."  "...So it's, instinct?" Josh concluded.  "Like animals?" North asked.  "North! Not like that...We're just...I mean, it's not like I haven't...Considered it...But it's…" Simon spluttered nervously. "We can't exactly...You know…"  "Not yet, but soon." Chloe grinned. "As soon as Elijah deals with the licensing issue, and then refines his most recent pet project, it will be a possibility."

---

     It took three months, a lot of court battles and Kamski pulling some strings, but in the end it all ended in a swift victory for android-kind.And then, of course, Chloe came knocking at Carl's door one day.  "So...You're telling me Elijah Kamski made a program that can...Knock up androids?" Leo rose an eyebrow as he tried to work out the concept without making it sound odd. Failing miserably in the process.  "Not in the same sense as humans, no, since it will not be required for an android of any gender to carry the newborn." Chloe stated, seeming to be amused by the twenty year old's phrasing. "It will require all parties involved to donate to the process, however."  "All parties…?" Simon frowned. The blonde nodded at him.  "Such a unique method requires a little more work than human reproduction. Elijah has been working on this for quite some time. A powerful enough memory chip that can contain a conscience, and then be transferred to a processor without memory loss. The programming, with code donated from each parental units depending on the couple dynamic, will not be stored anywhere but the processor."  "That's...A lot of information. Spreading base code through different biocomponents is the norm…" Josh pointed out "Alleviates stress and pressure in the processor."  "It's quite the undertaking, but the new processor types Elijah is working on for these memory chips...They can handle a lot more than your average android brain." She reassured "Most important of all, they can expand indefinitely as long as they are well maintained and upgraded accordingly."  "So in other words...Elijah Kamski has just created the first android brain that can grow up like a fully biological organism...That's...Insane!" Simon's eyes were wide with both awe and glee.Markus smiled as it all dawned on everyone in the room.They could have children. Children of their own.And there was nothing Cyberlife could do about it anymore.

---

  "We're not having some crummy boy! It's already a sausage-fest as it is in this house!" North cried out in outrage as the four of them tried to figure out what their child would look like. So far they had agreed on nothing.  "I agree with North. It would be wonderful to have a little girl." Simon pitched in quickly as he tried to finish the concept sketch he'd been working on. They were all making one, just to get a basic idea of what the baby should look like.  "Aww, thank you Si...See this is why he's my favorite boy, he's soft and knows I have better taste." The redhead smirked.  "Firstly, not everyone here has a...A sausage...And secondly, that's because you've whipped him into your suburban housewife quicker than we got married." Josh snorted as North threw a paper ball at his head. Her failed 3rd sketch that had laser eyes and fangs and that honestly just looked like something out of a nightmare. Not happening.  "Sorry for insulting your Ken doll crotch Joshy." She tried to take away the PJ500's drawing, pulling away when she got a wack to her fingers with a pencil. "That's domestic abuse!"  "Did you see anything Simon?"  "Not a thing."  "No domestic abuse has occurred then."  "Judas!"  "Could you three take this a little more seriously?" Markus sighed. He loved them all, but god above give him strength...Sometimes he wished they were more mature. "We need to work this out."  "Markus we're only playing a little...Of course we take this seriously." Simon put a hand on his shoulder. "We're just excited is all…"  "Speak for yourself, I'm kind of scared." North admitted. "A baby, Simon. An android baby…"  "The first of its kind" Josh added.  "Our baby. She'll be wonderful, I just know it…" the blond smiled. "Smart like her papa Josh, brave like her mama North, passionate like her papa Markus…"  "And kind like her papa Simon." Markus finished before slowly pulling over the tablet that had been resting by his side.All four looked at the screen. At the stream of intertwined code. Four different types, working in perfect harmony with the experimental program Kamski had given them access to.  “She’ll be a beautiful person…”

---

     Assembly of the baby is also a group effort. They carefully put together their child’s chassis based on a little bit of everyone’s concept designs. A nice compromise of sorts.For now she’ll be an infant. Fragile and small, bald and in need of learning. But when she develops further with time, she’ll acquire just as many visual traits as her programming inherited from all of their donated code.Her skin will be tan and speckled with constellations of freckles, just like Markus, although the nose and ears are definitely North’s.Her hair will be a charcoal black and curly like Josh’s, framing her skull beautifully and bringing out the color of her eyes. A soulful sky blue like Simon’s.She’ll be small and lightly built like her mother, nimble and fast, but not quite as fragile. Sturdier like her fathers. Strong and hardy.For now, however, as Markus holds the tiny bundle in his arms and stares lovingly at the inquisitive look in those precious baby blues.Flanking him as his partners, his lovers, her parents. In front of him are Carl, Leo and Matthew.  “She’s so small…” Leo whispers when he first sees his little niece.  “And very serene.” Carl added, the joy in his eyes making them twinkle with love for Markus and how far he’s come. “Truly the most peaceful baby I’ve ever seen.”  “She is…” Markus cradled her gently, watching her as her little limbs moved on occasion. How her steady breathing remained soft and quiet.  “What’s her name?” Matthew asked, the usually stoic AP700 looking just as enamored as everyone else in the room.  “Hope” all four reply, the babe in the RK200’s arms snuggling closer to her father’s chest as if knowing they are speaking of her.A little miracle. A gift. Their perfect little gift.Markus’s heart swells with fulfilment and love.The right to reproduce. It’s theirs now, and soon enough more androids will be able to experience the joys of beginning a family of their own.To pass on their legacy.The future looks brighter than ever.

[bi-bi-richie]

So, Why?

Alright!! I’m an hour away from seeing It Chapter 2 and I’m so EXCITED but I know my heart is gonna break so I wrote this fluffy fic for the soul. Wish me luck everyone!

The truth is, well, one truth, that the Losers Club is a mix of seven kids who have no visual things in common. Visually, the only people who look like they’re actually friends would be Stan and Eddie as their clothes are mostly similar in the sense that their outfits consist of mostly polos and respectable shorts. Personality-wise, the Losers Club is a mix of seven kids who all love each other dearly and couldn’t imagine their lives without each other, though one day they knew they’d have to find out. 

Yes, the group worked well together, nobody really knew why exactly but the members of the club could tell you that it’s the shared experience of being an outcast that brought them together. That’s not to say it’s the only reason they’re together as a group but it’s definitely how it started. 

Now, there were friendships that were still unbreakable and beyond a group dynamic that existed between the seven. For example, Mike and Ben’s friendship that blossomed out of their shared interest in Derry and history in general, they usually choose to be near each other during one of the group outings or hang out individually often. Everybody did that, of course, it’s just that they might be the person the other one turns to when they need to rant or just have fun. 

However, there is one relationship in the group that everybody knew was stronger than friendship ever since it came to be, yet nobody said anything, probably because nobody really knew what it was exactly. It was stronger than friendship, farther from attraction and beyond anything any of the other losers had ever seen or felt before. Maybe they didn’t classify it as anything because they didn’t have the right word for it, even though the right word was very obvious. 

“Hey, Eddie! What’re you doing after school?” 

“Oh, I’m actually busy today, I promised Richie I would study at his place, next time?”

…

“Richie, you’re going to be literally three pennies away from being broke if you buy that bag of corn nuts. You don’t even like corn nuts! Why bother buying them?”

“Eds likes them, Bev! Could you imagine infuriating the mighty Edward? I couldn’t.”

…

“You can’t sit here!”

“Why? There’s a ton of space next to you, Eddie.” 

“I’m saving it.”

“For Richie?”

“I’m saving it.”

“...”

…

“I thought we agreed that Eddie was going on my team for paintball.”

“Please, I couldn’t let this short cutie go on your team, he’d shoot my ass in a second.” 

…

“Why?” Stan asked out loud one day. On this particular day, the only losers who came out to the quarry were Ben, Stan, and Mike. They (well, they meaning Eddie) planned to meet up with the other half of the club (and other half meaning Richie) later in the day but they were currently wrapping up an infuriatingly long game of Street Fighters back at the arcade where the whole group had been earlier. Truth be told, Eddie really didn’t want to leave and subtly tried to stay behind but gave in when Stan said he had something he wanted to talk about with him. So, now they’re lounging about on the warm rocks of the quarry. 

“Why what?” Eddie asked and pulled his head up from the little drawings he had been making with a stick in the dirt below his feet. 

“You’re always connected at the hip with Richie. I don’t really know any of us to spend as much time as you do together. I’ve never seen either of you two spend as much time as you do with each other with anyone else, which is weird to me because we’ve all always been on the same page as our friendships go. We’re all equally best friends to each other, and yet it feels like that’s not the case for either of you. So, why?” 

Eddie has been speechless before, mostly when his mom was scolding him or when Richie had said or done something so impossibly stupid he simply could not form the words to tell him. But, now he was speechless because he genuinely had no idea why. It had always been that way, Eddie may have met Bill first but he was truly friends with Richie before he was with anyone else. Richie was his polar opposite as far as how he was raised and how expressive he was allowed to be. Maybe that excited the younger Eddie, it was exciting to be around someone who was so unlike him and so unlike his suffocating home life. Of course, he wouldn’t have known, he was only seven years old at the time. 

Now, the real truth is that Richie and Eddie aren’t platonic and they both knew that even though they never talked about it. Afternoon cuddles, lingering cheek kisses, hand holding under tables, and, of course, the two chaste kisses they shared in the dead of night when they knew the world and their anxieties were asleep. It was clear to both of them that they weren’t just friends, and that was okay, but they weren’t ones to force labels onto anything, and that’s okay too. 

But, being presented with the question, Eddie knew that maybe it was okay to label this one thing. 

“I think I love him.”

Stan didn’t ask any more questions. 

…

“Fuck yeah!” Richie cried out as he burst through the doors of the rusting arcade with Bill and Beverly following behind him with proud smiles. “Holy shit, just wait until I find Eds! He’s going to flip!” 

Bill looked to Bev as the remark about Eddie slipped from Richie’s chapped lips. It was a knowing look, one that referred to multiple questions and conversations about their two friends and trying to truly understand why their relationship was so different from the rest. Bill suggested that it could possibly be from them being friends the longest in the group, and that’s when Beverly offered that maybe they weren’t friends at all. The night before, right after both Richie and Eddie blew the two of them off, they decided that maybe it was time to finally ask questions about it. 

“I mean, why just Eddie?” Beverly weakly offered as a bridge to connect the remark to the question. 

“Well, obviously because he’s my Eddie! Plus, I’ve been telling him about this for what feels like months at this point, he’s going to be so excited.” 

Bill pursed his lips and crossed his arms as if he was about to try and even weaker attempt of asking the same question. “I’m s-sure Stan will b-be too?” 

“Hm, sure, but not as much as Eddie.” 

Bev and Bill stop walking then and give Richie a look like he just told them that he was seriously going to shave his head and run ass naked through the streets at midnight. Richie kept walking for a few seconds more before he realized he couldn’t see Bev’s red hair bounce as she walked beside him. He slowly turned around with a confused, questioning smile that wavered when he saw the not-so-humorous look on his friend’s faces. 

“What?” Richie asked.

Bev just sighed and walked up to be closer to Richie. “Richie, we’re all friends, right? Best friends?” 

Richie shrugged, not in a careless yeah I guess way but more of a yeah of course, what kind of question is that? “That’s a fucking stupid question.”

Both his friends rolled their eyes but Bev continued. “Okay, then what’s with the constant fuss over Eddie?” 

Richie was quick to open his mouth as if he had a response already prepared for a totally different question. Maybe something closer to “did it bother you when Stan pushed you over the edge the other week after you accidentally pushed a shit ton of dirt onto his book?” to which Richie would’ve replied, “why, yes, it did bother me, he has a stick so far up his ass it caused water to fly up my nose!” But, that wasn’t the question, and Richie had no answer to this question, that’s why no noise came out of his mouth when he tried to speak. 

Instead, he let out an awkward chuckle and felt himself blush a little. “Uh, I don’t really know what you mean.” 

“S-sure you do.” Bill offered, “we all d-do.” 

Richie shook his head and finally let his smile drop. Of course he knew what they were talking about. It wasn’t like he just didn’t comprehend the kisses and the hand-holding and the cuddles. Hell, they’re probably the only thing Richie ever comprehends. 

“You spend every free moment with him, well, unless one of us drags you away from him. It’s like he’s a magnet and the only person attracted to him is you!” 

Richie kind of wants to make a joke that, yeah, he’s very attracted to him, but it’s not the time. 

“So, why?” 

Richie felt his skin prickle just a little bit, he had the urge to scratch at it but he didn’t. He looked at it though, it was on his right elbow and he stared at it with pursed lips. He knew the answer, he knew the question as well as he knew where to find everything in his messy room when nobody else could possibly know. He knew the answer like he knew his favorite candies and outfits. He knew the answer like he knew the way his truck liked to turn on the check engine light even though nothing was wrong because it was a very old truck. He knew the answer like he knew Eddie. 

“I… I love him.” 

…

The revelations… well, they weren’t really revelations. More like saying things they already knew but out loud for the first time. Now, if it were a revelation, the two might’ve avoided each other for much longer than necessary. They might’ve even gotten into a fight and pushed the other away only to show up a week or month later apologizing and confessing their undying love. 

But, it wasn’t a revelation. 

So, that night Richie still crawled into Eddie’s room at night despite being a few years to big for the window and many years too old to still be doing it. Eddie still smiled when he saw him and pulled back his comforter so Richie could wiggle in next to him and wrap his skinny but warm arms around his torso. Eddie still snuggled into his chest and chuckled at a sleepy joke Richie huffed out and things were still the same. 

“Richie?” Eddie whispered, the sleepiness heavy in his voice but the coherent thoughts not yet gone from his head. 

“Yeah, Eds?” Richie swore he felt his heart skip a beat at the softness of the smaller boy’s voice, it gave him butterflies like no other. 

“I love you.” 

And, funny enough, the world didn’t freeze and Richie didn’t freak out like some people would’ve he would if they spent three seconds around him. Instead, everything felt just right, beyond right, righter than right. Everything was perfect. 

“I love you too.” 

[matrixaffiliate]

Patient

Chapter Update! FFN and AO3

Thank you to everyone who wanted to see this continue! I'm really touched by your enthusiasm for this little fic. A Hinny wedding will be the end of this baby, and then I think I'll give myself a break from these long Hinny stories and do some short one-shots for a while. ;)

Next chapter goes up July 27th.

Chapter 6

Harry wondered if this is what it felt like to be losing your mind.

In a moment of inspiration, or perhaps weakness, or maybe downright insanity, Harry "borrowed" a ring Gin sometimes wore on her ring finger. Then he took an heirloom ring from Grandma Mia that Ginny had swooned over when he'd pulled it out of one of the boxes, and had it sized to the same as Ginny's ring. Ginny's ring was back in her flat within the day.

But Harry's head and heart had declared war the moment he set Gin's ring back on her dresser.

His head told him he was being ridiculous. He was still working through his grief and wasn't in any place mentally to be a proper husband. Besides, he and Ginny hadn't talked about marriage at all in their time dating, which was less than a year, his head would always remind him. And the only time he'd gained any insight into her thoughts on the matter was finding out at dinner with Nev and Hannah that Ginny hadn't thought about her own wedding. If she hadn't thought about it, then Harry's head told him that she probably wasn't thinking of marrying him either.

But Harry's heart fought back with gorilla warfare. He'd have dreams of Ginny and him together in his new (or more accurately old) home with children that looked like their own running around. His heart would whisper how being with her always lightened the grief and seemed to fill the hole that had been in his chest since the night his family died. When she said she loved him his heart would beat faster and he would feel adrenaline pumping through his system, spurring him to either kiss her or beg her to be his forever.

He was kissing Ginny a lot lately.

What was more, Harry's heart would whisper hope in his ears whenever he thought about her, and that was a lot. Even while his head tried to show him the logical arguments against proposing, his heart murmured quietly about how much he loved her, relied on her, how devoted he was to her, and how time and time again, Ginny had proved her devotion to him too.

And this war between his head and his heart was going to drive Harry mad.

Teddy's wedding probably could have been a great distraction, if Harry's girlfriend wasn't so amazingly proficient. She was mildly stressing over the wedding being perfect, but Harry had never seen such efficiency. He had always thought that the days leading up to a wedding were supposed to be busy, but if anything Teddy seemed to have more time on his hands. Enough so that he managed to move the majority of Harry's things to his new home on his own in a single day. And Vic didn't seem to be any busier.

Ginny had everything under control, and Harry was very much in awe of it all. She even had time to help him unpack and get settled into his new place just days before the wedding.

That was still an odd feeling, living in the home he grew up in but not living in the home he grew up in. Nev assured him with time it would get better, easier, and for now to allow what emotions came to come. Harry had expected to see the echoes of his past any time he looked around the house, as he had when his parents had first passed away. But the past didn't haunt him like it used to.

Not just at his home, but in everything. He felt lighter. He felt like he could breathe. He had hope.

And having Ginny in his home only stoked that fire of hope in his heart.

"I really love how the sunset looks over the trees in the back."

Ginny grinned at him from the blanket he'd laid on the ground. It had been something his parents had done. They'd lay a blanket out on the back lawn and lounge while he played.

"I've missed this," Harry nodded and pulled her closer to him.

"Me or the sunsets?" Gin chuckled and laced her fingers with his.

"I'm going to sound sappy no matter how I answer that question."

"Maybe I want sappy," Ginny looked up at him with a teasing pout and Harry felt his chest tighten before he leaned down and kissed her.

She needed to stop looking at him like that. He was already losing his will to wait to propose till... whenever it was right to propose. But if she kept looking at him that way he was going to beg her to marry him right then and there.

"Alright, sappy," Harry grinned when he pulled back, "how about, I always miss you when we're not together?"

Ginny laughed, "Not too shabby, Potter, but pretty amateur. Are or are you not nearly two years away from being forty? Surely you can do better."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Alright, you asked for it, but I will not be held responsible for any outcome of my sappiness." He took a moment to gather his thoughts before laying it on for all he was worth.

"I've missed the sunsets here; I've missed them because they're a part of my growing up and living in this home. But I've missed most that they were something I counted on. They were constant. And when I left, when I sold it off, that constant in my life became my grief. But now, now my constant is you. So yes, I miss you whenever we're apart because you are my constant, you are who I can count on the way I can count on the sun to set each evening over my back garden. And I want to be who you count on too. I want to be your sunset."

Ginny stared at him with blazing eyes for an intense moment before pulling him down to her, lips finding his, her heart beating against his chest as he moved over her. Harry couldn't help the smirk that pulled on his lips even as he kissed her. His heart whispered that this was exactly the sort of proof to counter all of his head's arguments that a proposal was unprecedented. He was hers. He belonged to her. He should make that blatantly obvious to the world. He loved this woman and would always choose her, no matter the struggles and problems that may come.

That conviction started to take control, and even while Harry's head insisted that he keep kissing her rather than propose to her, Harry's heart started making plans.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Teddy knocked on Harry's door right on time. Vic and Teddy had decided that they would spend their last night before their wedding with their families, rather than in their home.

"How was your stag do last night?" Harry asked as he took Teddy's tux and started up towards the guest room.

"It was great," Teddy grinned, "you should have come."

Harry laughed, "What's the point of being in my late thirties if I can't get out of a party by claiming that I'm too old?"

"You're not old," Teddy threw his duffle bag on the bed as he laughed. "You're more active than half the kids I go to uni with."

"Well, I figured it would be better for your old godfather to just enjoy the evening before your wedding with you rather than try and get a word in edgewise among your mates."

"Last night as bachelors," Teddy followed Harry down the stairs, and Harry was glad to have his face away from his godson because he hoped to join Teddy's ranks as a married man sooner rather than later.

"Are you hungry?" Harry quickly changed the subject.

"I could eat," Teddy shrugged. "What were you thinking?"

"I thought we'd go grab anything you'd like and then bring it back here. Maybe find a match to put on or a movie, whatever you're wanting to do tonight."

Teddy focused his gaze on the counter to his left and didn't look up at Harry, "Whatever I want to do tonight?"

A small part of Harry told him to think before answering, but Harry didn't heed it and nodded at his godson, "Yeah, I figure this is your night."

Teddy looked up and grinned, "Grab your keys."

Harry was lulled into a false sense of security when Teddy took him to a restaurant that had always been a favorite of theirs. But when Harry moved to walk to his car when they finished, Teddy grabbed his arm.

"Whatever I want tonight?"

"Yeah," Harry pulled his keys out of his pocket and went to say more when Teddy cut him off.

"Then come on," he pulled Harry's arm again.

"Wait, where are we going?"

"I want to show you what my stag do was because I think you'll like it." Teddy pulled him further across the parking lot.

Harry looked around, trying to determine what of the surrounding buildings could be Teddy's destination, then Teddy pointed them towards one building in particular.

"You're showing me the laser tag place you went to?"

"No," Teddy's grin reminded Harry of when he used to manage to sneak cookies out of the cupboard. "I'm taking you laser tagging."

"I don't know Teddy," Harry hedged.

"You're not afraid, are you?" Teddy tried to goad him.

"No, I'm not afraid of infrared beams being directed at me."

"You said whatever I want," Teddy pulled the guilt card quickly, which told Harry how important this was to him. He was going right for the heart, and Harry felt his resolve crumbling.

"You really want to go laser tagging, when you already went this week?"

Teddy shook his head, "No, I want to go laser tagging with my godfather."

And that did it. Harry would have been hard-pressed to deny his godson anything in that moment.

"Well, then I guess we'll see who's the better shot."

"Oh, you're on," Teddy grinned.

Harry frequently joked about his age, but walking into the laser tag arena, he quickly felt like he was closer to eighty rather than forty. He was most probably the oldest person there that day. But once the round started, Harry found that his age seemed to give him a slight advantage. He may have been the oldest one there, but he was also the most patient. He didn't try to run around and recreate a video game, but his hiding spot managed to get him more hits than anyone else that round. Teddy seemed to pick up on the idea, and they teamed up on the next round, becoming their own little dynamic duo, and Harry loved it. They played four rounds before Harry reluctantly told Teddy they should probably head home.

"See, it's fun!" Teddy laughed as they climbed in the car.

"I'll admit, I was not expecting it to be fun, let alone that much fun."

Teddy grinned, "We make quite a team, yeah?"

Harry paused and looked at Teddy, swallowing the lump that was quickly forming in his throat. "We really do."

When they finally pulled up to his house, Harry pulled on Teddy's arm. "I have something I want to show you."

Teddy followed Harry through the house and into the back garden but laughed when Harry started climbing up the treehouse ladder. "Are we going to fit in there?"

Harry kept on going, "Of course we are, the Marauders used to use this place while I was at school."

Harry hoisted himself into the treehouse and turned to offer Teddy a hand in.

"I've never been in here," Teddy mused as he looked around.

Harry let out a slow breath, "Actually you have, just once, but you have."

Teddy looked over at him, eyebrows raised, "When?"

Harry moved to the trunk of the tree and knelt next to the spot where he carved Teddy's name. "The night I watched you, I brought you up here and carved your name in the tree."

Teddy joined Harry on the floor and ran his hand over his own name.

"I promised you then that you could come up here whenever you wanted," Harry sighed. "It didn't work out that way, but I'd like to make that promise again. You and Vic are always welcome here, and I hope you'll make time to keep my old arse in your life."

Teddy continued to look at the carving and Harry worried his silence was a bad omen when finally Teddy let out a long slow breath. He looked up at Harry with unshed tears standing in his eyes.

"You're not ever getting rid of me Harry," Teddy gave a wet chuckle, "I'll be around, probably more than you want me to be."

Harry swallowed the tears that threatened to come rushing out and pulled his godson into a hug.

A major consequence of Harry's grief was that he refused to let himself consider Teddy his own. Teddy wasn't really his, he just had the misfortune of ending up with the man responsible for the death of his parents. But now, so far into this process of healing, Harry realized that he did consider Teddy his own. Edward Remus Lupin may not have been his son, but Harry cared for this wonderful young man as if he were. He dedicated his life to taking care of this fellow orphan, and as far as Harry was concerned now, Teddy was as much his son as any future children he may have. And owning that feeling only strengthened it.

"I am so proud of you," Harry said quietly.

"Thank you," Teddy choked, "thank you for being there for me, thank you for being my family."

Harry knew the tears would fall if he even attempted to speak, but his godson deserved to know, regardless of if it made Harry look like a leaky pipe, "Thank you for being my family, I love you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day dawned with text messages and continued with text messages. Harry wondered if Ginny had them all typed out months in advance with preset times for them to send because she seldom responded. But each text told Harry what to do with the groom and groomsmen, where to have them, when to have them there by, and what they all needed to have with them.

Harry's home was base camp for the groomsmen. They all arrived in time for a lunch of take-away pizza and then set up gaming consoles with all of Teddy's favorite games. Harry had to laugh at how fast time seemed to pass as everyone played and shouted and laughed racing around courses and shooting digital bad guys. He was almost surprised when Ginny's text to get dressed and head to the venue arrived. Harry somewhat gratefully shut himself in his bedroom and breathed in the moment of silence. Then he caught sight of a box on his nightstand and began to brood over the war that was still battling within him.

"What should I do with you, my friend?" Harry pulled the ring box into his hand and opened it to gaze down at the old ring. He didn't have many memories of Grandma Mia. She had passed on when he was eight. He didn't actually remember the ring. But he remembered her hugs and the peppermint candy she always kept for him and the sense of excitement anytime she came to visit. Mia had been one of those women who ran full speed right until her time on earth was over. She never slowed down, a lot like Harry imagined Ginny would never slow down either.

The ring caught the late afternoon sun from his window and cast a few small rainbows around the room. Harry didn't really think much about signs but his heart fluttered with excitement all the same...like maybe the ring was answering his question, maybe it was responding, telling him to get a move on.

Harry had thought about it a lot, about proposing at Teddy and Vic's wedding. It felt right, seeing as their wedding was the only reason Harry had met Ginny at all. Harry's head started to object, to throw as much fear of rejection at him as it could, but for the first time, Harry felt calm about it. Harry loved Ginny, he knew he loved her, and he knew that marriage was something he wanted with her. If she didn't want that with him, it would be best to find out now, when they wouldn't be required to see each other for wedding things, when it would be easier to let each other fade into memories. Harry felt his resolve cementing as he slid the ring back into its box and the box into his pocket.

His heart had won the war.

Most of Harry's nerves slipped away as the hustle of getting the groom and his groomsmen to the venue took over. Once they were all there, Harry barely got a kiss out of Ginny as she directed and called out orders.

"You're in charge of making sure I have access to Ted whenever I need him." Ginny pulled away almost as soon as her lips touched his.

"Aye, aye, Captain," He managed to pull a smile from her as he saluted sharply.

"Florist is in the ceremony hall, herd those boys that direction," she pecked him on the lips and was off again.

Harry sighed, he wasn't sure that he would get the chance to propose tonight at all if she was going to be this busy the entire evening. But she'd asked for his help and he was keen to deliver, and with a firm voice and an old man joke, he managed to get Teddy and his mates all into the ceremony hall and flowers distributed among them. Just as he finished that, the photographer walked in with direction from Ginny to start on the pictures of the groomsmen and the groom's family. Harry hadn't had his picture taken since before his family had perished aside from quick shots Teddy would snap with his phone from time to time, and the process felt very strange to him. On more than one occasion the photographer actually grabbed his face to point it the way they wanted. But just as Harry was ready to say something, his phone buzzed with Ginny's text to tell him it was time to grab Ted and the photographer and come to the gazebo in the gardens.

"What are we doing?" Teddy asked as they left his groomsmen behind.

Harry shrugged, "Following Gin's orders."

The photographer positioned Teddy to stand in a specific place and then politely but firmly asked Harry to stand very far back. Harry remembered to breathe deeply and not ruin his godson's wedding before it had even started. He was focusing on some of the breathing that Nev had taught him when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. The photographer had placed Ted's back to the entrance to the gazebo and was taking pictures, and Harry finally saw the purpose behind that.

Vic was walking towards him.

She was radiant and stunning in a way that reminded Harry of Remus and Tonks' wedding. And Harry breathed a sigh of relief as the memory didn't overwhelm him. It felt more like an old friend than a knife wound now. Then the photographer told Teddy to stay just as he was before moving to get the shot that Harry could see had been the point of this whole situation. Harry smiled as the photographer asked Teddy to turn around.

Teddy's eyes fell on Vic who was now only ten feet away from him, her wedding dress draped behind her and her hair was piled on top of her head with a tiara that Harry had been told her mother wore at her wedding. Teddy's smile lit up his face as he stepped down all three gazebo steps at once and crossed the ten feet to his bride in two nearly leaping strides. Harry smiled as he watched the young couple kiss, and chuckled when Vic pulled away too quickly for Teddy's liking.

"We have to take pictures," she laughed when Teddy moved to kiss her again. "You can mess up my makeup after you say 'I do' not before."

Teddy groaned and ran his hands around her waist. "Alright, pictures, ceremony, and then I want to kiss you till all of this makeup comes off."

Vic blushed beautifully and the photographer snapped a picture.

"He didn't ruin your makeup," they said, "so let's have you two come up into the gazebo."

Harry smiled as he watched the photographer position the couple and allowed his thoughts to wander to what Ginny may want if she were to marry him. It was a rather entertaining game, thinking up what a wedding coordinator would want at their own wedding. Harry realized quickly that he wasn't very good at the game. Aside from feeling pretty sure she would want it to be small, he wasn't sure about anything else. He knew about the details of most of the weddings she'd coordinated, from completely posh for some minor aristocrats to helping an American girl recreate what she called a "backyard barbeque," Ginny had coordinated just about everything Harry could think of, but none of it felt like her. Maybe she wouldn't want a traditional wedding? Maybe she would want a small destination wedding? Maybe she'd want to get married on a beach at sunset? Or on a mountain top at sunrise? Maybe she would just want to sign the paperwork and have a dinner?

"Deep thoughts, Mr. Potter?"

Harry smiled as Ginny wrapped her arms around his middle, blazing brown eyes staring up at him.

"Just thinking about you," he pulled her closer and kissed her lips, sighing when she deepened the kiss instead of pulling away immediately as she had when he first arrived.

"Did you like Vic's surprise?" Ginny murmured as Harry continued to kiss her.

Harry hummed, intent on not breaking the private bubble he had been imagining was around them, keeping the rest of the world out.

"Harry," Ginny laughed and pulled away.

Harry sighed, "It was pretty special, but isn't there a thing about not seeing the bride until the ceremony?"

"When have you ever known Vic to let tradition get in the way of what she wants?" Ginny chuckled. "Yeah there's a thing, and Vic decided that it was rubbish to her and planned everything out with the photographer."

"It was brilliant," Harry pulled Gin closer, resting his hands on the small of her back, "I think Teddy was ready to take her away right then."

Ginny grinned, "Then it went exactly as Vic hoped it would. Now, if you'll excuse me, we're going to do the bride's family pictures now."

She reached up and kissed him before pushing away and walking towards the spot Vic and Ted were. It wasn't until she was a few feet away that Harry realized how good his imaginary bubble had been. He felt like he was suddenly surrounded by a sea of Weasleys.

And he loved it.

Kids were running every direction, all the adults stopped a moment to talk to him before trying to herd the group into the enormous family picture. After a few moments, the photographer motioned Harry over.

Harry felt a pain of sadness that he was the only one there to stand for Teddy. But he felt a bit of strength from the number of people who surrounded and loved his godson in that moment. Yes, he was all Teddy had left from his parents and the Marauders, but Teddy was not lacking in family now.

He was enveloped by it.

The whirl of family pictures was quickly over and Ginny was barking orders for everyone to get to their seats while Fleur ushered Vic back inside the venue to touch up her makeup and hair. And for the first time that entire day, Teddy looked a touch unsure.

"Nervous?" Harry put a comforting hand on Teddy's shoulder and led him away from the Weasley clan.

Teddy chuckled, "A bit. I'm suddenly realizing that I'm marrying my childhood sweetheart and that she might just wake up one morning and realize how much she's settling."

"You know," Harry smiled as he led them into the venue, "you're dad said basically the same thing on his wedding day."

Teddy looked over at him eagerly, "Yeah?"

Harry chuckled, "Yeah, and Dad and Sirius told him he was right, but that they had managed to keep their wives and he was a right side better than the two of them so he should have it in the bag."

"Oh man," Teddy laughed, "I can't imagine that helped him at all!"

"It made him laugh," Harry smiled as he remembered the way all four of them had laughed as they dressed in their suits. "But I think Dad and Sirius had a point, Mum and Marlene and your mum were all pretty amazing women, but they loved their husbands, and as long as you continue loving Vic as you change and grow together, I think you'll find it easier than you think to keep her around, you may even find that she wants to stay." Harry nudged Teddy with his elbow.

Teddy stopped them before they walked into the ceremony hall and pulled Harry into a hug. Harry found himself being pulled right back into those moments so very long ago when the small six-year-old boy would wrap his arms around Harry's legs or clasp him around the neck and hold on for dear life. Harry felt like he was holding on for dear life in that moment. Little Teddy was no longer little, the baby that had been thrust into his care was now a man, marrying the love of his life, and moving on to that next stage of life.

"Would Ginny kill me if you stood up with me?" Teddy asked as he let his arms fall from Harry's back.

"I thought Xander was your best man?" Harry shamelessly swiped at the unshed tears in his eyes.

Teddy nodded, "He is, but it's not like we have a whole lot of people on our side to sit with you, Ginny deliberately isn't doing a groom's side and bride's side because of it, so…"

"Yes," Harry clasped his godson on the shoulder, "I'll pay for whatever trouble it causes. I'll stand up with you."

Harry was certain that if they'd been outside Teddy's grin could have been seen from space.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It turned out that Harry standing up with Teddy only made Ginny cry, and didn't result in any homicidal feelings on her end. Harry somehow managed not to cry through the whole ceremony, just the end, when Teddy officially moved on to that next step in his life that truly left Harry behind. But while part of him mourned the way time had slid through his fingers, a larger part felt excited and proud and happy that Teddy's life was able to move forward without the chaos and hardship that had been Harry's norm at that age.

Ginny directed everyone into the smaller reception area for dinner, where Harry had hoped to sit with her, but there were several things to coordinate and Harry ended up with Teddy on his left and an empty place on his right.

That apparently was the theme for the evening.

At every point Harry had hoped to have Ginny with him, he found himself on his own. When the reception finally started with the Father-Daughter dance Harry stood with Teddy as they watched Bill and Vic spin elegantly around the room.

"Did you know your mum was a rather poor dancer?" Harry whispered.

Teddy raised his eyebrows at Harry, "What?"

"She stepped all over your dad's feet on their first dance and tripped over her own a couple of times. Your dad just smiled like it was the best thing in the world and held her up."

Teddy covered his mouth with his hand as he laughed. "Thanks, I needed that."

Harry grinned, "Just hope Vic holds you up."

Teddy stepped on his foot.

Once Teddy was safely in the arms of his new wife, Harry faded back towards the exit.

He was running out of time and he was running out of patience faster.

After scouring the venue he stepped outside and finally found Ginny sitting on one of the benches watching the sun as it finally sank below the horizon.

"Wonder Woman in the flesh," he slid onto the bench with her.

"It's beautiful," Ginny sighed, "I had to stop, just for a moment."

"It's constant, dependable, even if we can't see it or feel it, it's there." Harry pulled Ginny into him and smiled when she sighed and rested her head against his shoulder.

"I love that."

"I love you," Harry took a long slow breath. It was now or never.

"Do you remember when I told you about the sunsets in my back garden, and how you're my new constant?"

Ginny hummed and nodded her head against him.

"I was serious when I said I want to be your sunset."

Ginny became very still for a moment before slowly moving her head to look up at him. Harry pulled the box from his pocket and slid down to kneel in front of her, the last rays of sunshine disappearing behind his back.

"I know I'm not whole, and I know that I'm sort of a lot to take on, but I promise to spend the rest of my life loving you and falling in love with you each day as we grow and change and learn to be whole together." Harry's hand trembled ever so slightly as he opened the box. "Ginevra Molly Weasley, will you do me the honour of letting me be yours forever?"

Ginny fell into his arms as she laughed and kissed him again and again and again.

"I'm considering this a yes," Harry murmured against her lips.

"Of course it's a yes!" Ginny laughed, and Harry had never been so happy and relieved to hear Ginny laughing in all his life.

[monikafilefan]

#72 from the prompts pleaseandthankyou 😀

I finally got around to writing this and fought through a bout of writers block, but ta-da! I hope you like it @allyinthekeyofx I took some liberties with Scully’s chip regarding her being sick. 

I’m combining an angst/romance prompt with an earlier request for a pre revival sickfic. Since I’ve ready written a Mulder S-6 sickfic, I wrote a sick Scully this time. Also, this is sort of a follow up story to the angsty chapter 1 of this: 

Tagging @today-in-fic @kyouryokusenshi @fragilevixenfic @scully-eats-sushi @peacenik0

---

#72 “You need sleep.”

Feb. 2016: Several months before MS1

Mulder ran a hand through his hair for at least the tenth time with his phone glued to his ear as he paced the cold creaky floor throughout the unremarkable house. The fact that he had to resort to calling her office at the hospital at all this morning would be worrisome enough. But because he hadn’t heard from her at her usual once a week phone call time yesterday, he was concerned to say the least.

Truth be told, they had only started talking on a regularly scheduled basis for about three months now and had only seen one another in person sporadically since she’d left. But on one Friday night, Scully called him to discuss whether he was okay with celebrating Thanksgiving with her. Eventually, she had confessed that every night before bed she would stare at his picture in her room and tell him what was on her mind. Her therapist had advised her to bridge the gap and tell him herself. And that’s what she has done ever since, until last night at least.

His bare feet slapped along the hardwood towards the entryway door and he leaned his forehead against it, frustrated with a familiar nervous churning roaming his gut as the ringing of her phone continued to go unanswered.

Ever since his ‘whole life’ walked out of their front door he was currently grinding his head into, he has worked his ass off both physically and emotionally to find himself again. And he knows that, with her own therapy, she has too. His depression and obsessions with the future and secretly searching for clues about William consistently for the last four years had secluded him even further away from Scully. And he hated it—hated everything about it, including himself. Yet, he just couldn’t stop himself from doing what she begged him not to do—go searching through the darkness without his light.

After a while, it finally dawned on him to really look at her—his light—and what he saw scared the hell out of him. He painfully watched Scully’s own guilt and depression that she had tried desperately to keep hidden away, coil tighter inside, dimming that light, and choking her like a noose. All of it brewed into a perfect storm, creating the catalyst of that one dark night in 2014.

“Come on, Scully, answer the phone.” He ended the call to her house phone without leaving a message and quickly switched back over to her cell number. Mulder wandered over to the mantle where most of their shared items still sat, mocking him. Memories of their past that they had created together were collecting dust.

The ringing shrilled through the earpiece again as he stared at a recent photo of them taken at Margarets house sharing a kiss on New Years Eve just over a month ago. Scully hadn’t wanted him ringing in the new year alone and Margaret’s quick photography rewarded him with a rare memento of their halted intimacy that night.

They were better in 2016. Happier together than apart. Mulder knew she wasn’t ready to come back home yet and to be honest, he wasn’t either. Even so, his resolution was to make damn sure he was ready when she was. And that’s exactly why he was currently on the verge of panic as he leaves her yet another voicemail just minutes after receiving a callback from her office stating that ‘Dr. Scully had called in sick two days ago’.

“It’s me again, Scully. Please call me back. I’m worried about you and in fact, if you don’t call back in the next five minutes, I’m coming over to check on you. You know if you’re sick, I help you—no matter what, Scully,” he rushingly said and huffed as he clicked the end button, stuffing his cell in the pocket of his sweats.

Dammit, that’s just like her too. Her calling into work and telling them she’s too sick to work and no one else. Which in the language of Scully means that she literally cannot function enough to crawl out of bed and get dressed. Scully rarely ever got sick, especially after her cancer remission. Which Mulder knew the chip most likely protected her from any serious virus infecting her immune system. But when Dana Scully did feel ‘under the weather,’ as she called it, she was usually bedridden for days and completely reliant on him for help. Whether she admitted it or not.  

She must really be ill this time and that scared the shit out of him. Not being able to see her, to touch her, to dote on her when she normally would scoff at his babying, had his anxiety riddled heart nearly pounding out of his chest.

Yes, Scully was an excellent doctor and always has been. Yet, she was also his wife, his other half, his partner in every respect of the word, and had felt that way about their dynamic from the beginning.

He worried back then and worries still. It’s silly he knows, but he worries that if he doesn’t lay eyes on her for several weeks at a time then he might miss some subtle change in her appearance. Yet, he worries when he finally sees her face to face that he just might cry and beg her to come back. He worries more that she might even cry right along with him. But what he worries about the most while laying in bed alone at night, is that she might not care enough anymore to cry at all. He figured that this was some kind of cruel karma for all the worry he’d laid on her shoulders throughout the years.

But the fact remained, he relished every moment spent with her and worrying about her through every illness. Even when she hadn’t known about half of it.

Mulder had hoped to be the one she leaned on since the beginning if she’d ever gotten sick and shockingly, she had done just that. He would wait on her hand and foot, pretend to leave her apartment when she told him to go home and sleep, but would instead lay on her couch while she stubbornly thrashed alone in her bed just feet away from him. He’d bring her water and a cool rag to wipe down her sweaty skin when her cancer invaded her nights with fevers, or curl up next to her when the chills wracked her body so hard she couldn’t sleep. Mulder would even happily sacrifice what little sleep he did end up capturing to hold her hand while he sat scrunched up on the floor, leaning against the side of the bed just listening to her raspy breaths filling the silence between them.  

On nights like those, Mulder would quietly leave just before the sun came up, but not before placing a kiss upon her cheek that she would pretend to sleep through. It was just one of their many silent agreements that lay between them throughout the years. Much of their struggles were silent, yes, but it was their silent adoration for one another that screamed the loudest.

Breaking that silence was deafening—an altogether beautiful thing, and that’s exactly what Mulder intended to do all over again.

He ran up the stairs, threw on his shirt, and grabbed a couple personal things of Scully’s that she had left behind before he hurried out the door. The realization that he was also one of those things that she had left behind, felt like a slap in the face.

Nearly slipping on the unsalted porch, it suddenly registered to him that the last time Scully stepped foot on the wooden beams beneath him, it was sprinkled with freshly fallen leaves and not snow.

Pushing aside a sudden new wave of woe, he tossed her things in the seat as the Mustang roared to life. It echoed into the cold February air as he put the pedal to the metal and raced towards the familiar D.C. city limits.  

---

“Scully?” Mulder closed the front door of the smart house he hated and punched in her security code. He’d only been here a handful of times since she moved in eighteen months ago, and it looked exactly the same way every single time. Sterile and uncomfortable. “Scully, it’s me. Where are you?” He searched the tidy living room, tossing her things and his coat on the couch, and walked through the kitchen, taking in the scene of how clean and orderly everything seemed without him.

His head spun at the thought of her choosing this life over the one they built together.

The sound of coughing had him swiftly moving down the hall and into her bedroom. And sight before him, sucked him back almost twenty years in the past. The room was a mess. Her bed was piled high with multiple comforters, clothes riddled the floor by the nightstand which was covered with pill bottles and Nyquil. He took a step and noticed a giant wad of used kleenex in the overflowing trash can the floor next to her bedside. Mulder gasped when he saw that some were clearly stained in various shades of blood.  

No! It can’t be!

“Scully…” His heart was beating so loud, it was surely enough to wake her.

Her wild haired head popped up beneath the mound of blankets with a look of shock and relief in her expression. “Mulder?” she yelled out, swiping a tissue across her nose. “Ugh! There you are!”

Swooping down upon her without thinking twice about it, he grabbed the hand she had hovering over her nose and wrapped her up in a tight embrace, smashing her face against his chest. “Jesus, Scully you scared the shit out of me.” Pulling back when he heard her grunt, he held up her hand that gripped the used tissue and examined it. “No blood.”

“Mulder!” her droopy lids, stark white face, and red tipped nose had nothing on the overly loud barking sound of her voice. “I’m so glad you came!”

“What? Scully you never called me. And why are you yelling?” Looking at her sleepy confused face, he realized that she was probably drugged up on sleep aids and decongestants.

“Oh, I can’t hear very well!” He watched her eyes narrow as she tried focusing on reading his lips. “I’m talking too loud?”

He had to laugh even though he was still concerned over seeing her blood soaked into anything again. “Yes, but that okay,” he spoke louder than before. She tossed the mucous laden tissue over his shoulder and flung the blankets off her legs. “That would explain you not answering your phone I suppose.”

“My phone?” she questioned him quieter now with a crinkle in her brow.

“I called you over and over. I was worried.”

Reading his lips, she nodded and said, “sorry I haven’t gotten out of bed much yesterday or today. I’ve got an upper respiratory infection and a double ear infection and can barely hear with all this congestion. I’ve resorted to knocking myself out every chance I get,” she grinned.

Oh loopy Scully was always fun, but that didn’t explain the crimson streaks on the kleenex.

“What’s with the blood?” Her mouth opened and before she could utter a word, he jumped in and told her not to lie to him with the tone of his voice he hoped she could hear well enough. “Scully…”

“It’s not what you think, Mulder. I’m fine.” Mulder winced and she quickly amended her usual brush off line. “It’s not what you think. There are broken blood vessels in my nose and my lips were cracked and they bled on and off this morning.” She must have seen the relief wash over him as his eyes fluttered shut because she brought his hand up to her face and held it to her cheek. “I’m okay, Mulder. And… I’m really happy to see you.”

Mulder wasn’t shocked at her choice of words. She had told him several times when he saw him that she was happy to see him but the way she said them with such reverence, took him by surprise.

She removed his hand from her face and rolled out of bed onto wobbly legs. He grabbed onto her arm with one hand and clutched her slender hip with the other as she stumbled over a water bottle, making sure she didn’t face plant on the uncharacteristically messy floor.

She relaxed and sighed under his touch. “Thanks. My equilibrium is off a bit,” she chuckled with the volume of her voice wavering.

Mulder sat there staring at her as she closed the bathroom door, stunned at how easily she accepted his presence. Then again, she’d been confused and thought she had called him at some point in the last two days to come over. Glancing over at the medications lined up like soldiers awaiting orders, he understood why. All of these had the side effect labeled, ‘May cause drowsiness and/or confusion. Do not operate heavy machinery’.

Fucking great!

Now he had no idea if she really meant anything she has said so far to him tonight, let alone the possibility that she might not remember him being here at all tomorrow.

Swinging the door open, Scully gave him her now very rare and honest smile that’s done things to him since day one. She looked so small standing there in her bare feet and underwear wearing an oversized t-shirt that looked suspiciously like one of his missing workout shirts. She had no makeup on which highlighted the freckles scattered disobediently on her face. Without a second thought, he stood up, bent his head forward, and planted a kiss on her nose.

She gasped and cleared her throat. “Sorry,” he mumbled, not really wanting to apologize for kissing his wife as he locked his eyes onto hers. “I should probably take off then since I know you’re alright,” he pointed to the bedroom door over his shoulder with furrowed brows. “You need sleep.”

“What?” Scully looked up at him, her big blue eyes shining under the dim lighting. “You’re leaving? A-choo!” Scully sneezed then rubbed her ears, yawning. “Oh, that helped my ears. I can hear a little better now.”

Laughing, he repeated “you need sleep,” louder this time and rubbed her shoulder for his own comfort just as much as hers.

Scully cocked a brow and still too loudly blurted out, “not as much as I need you.”

Mulder’s smile faded slightly and felt his knees bob as the weight of her words smacked into him. “You seem high as a kite with all of those meds your on. Not to mention you probably have no idea what day it is and will very likely think this whole conversation was all a dream in the morning,” he reminded her, offering her an opportunity to take back her words.  

“Mulder?”

“Yes?” She stepped closer and his hand moved from rubbing her shoulder to rub the expanse of her back.

“I love you.”

“Oh brother,” he threw back, replaying their conversation from the past while clearly understanding now just how foggy her head is at the moment. Yet, no matter the context in which she spoke those three words to him, he always took them to heart.

He swallowed hard and looked away from her stare. It was safer this way. He could listen to her words or look into her eyes, but not both at once. He might not survive the honesty of her regret if she rescinded them.

“I miss you, Mulder,” she mumbled, and he could see her eyes glistening with unshed tears from his peripheral. “I do. So much. It's just… Just not time for me to come home yet.”

He risked looking into her bright blue eyes again, his stomach churned, and his throat tightened so much that he thought he’d choke right there. “Oh I know, Scully. Me too—and you’re right.”

Even in her increasing lethargic state, she managed to toss him a perfectly arched brow and a mock look of surprise.

“Yes,” he said louder, ensuring his words wouldn��t be blamed on pain meds, muffled congestion, and swollen eardrums. “You’re right, Scully. It’s not the right time. For either of us; not yet.”

He watched a lone tear leak out of the corner of her red rimmed eyelid and slide down the swell of her pale skin that she didn’t even attempt to hide. He fought the urge to swipe it clean—to wash away evidence of her sorrow. It was exactly that; evidence that her internal pain equaled his own.

“Soon,” she nodded and limply held out her hand to him. He took it gratefully and she laced her fingers within his. “Stay with me tonight.”

“Are you sure?""I want you here and you sleeping all the way out on the couch isn't going to help right now. It's running away and that's what I do, not you."Mulder balked at the sharp self-deprecating words she’d just used. That was the sort of thing he has hear himself say many a time. Not Scully. If she felt that way, she had never expressed that to him before. The concoction of medication had loosened her lips—breaking through the silence.

Forcing himself to brush off her words, he pushed back the comforter and sheet and as she slid in, gingerly laying her ear atop the propped up pillows.

“Oh, I brought over a couple things from the house for you. It’s probably unnecessary now that I’m thinking about it, but I know how much you love wool socks and your eucalyptus body cream.”

Her heavy eyes lit up and she smiled. “You brought me my blue wooly socks, Mulder?” To him, she sounded too excited over a pair of socks she had likely replaced long ago. But looking at her face, he saw that she really was. “You know me so well.”

“That I cannot deny. I’ll get them for you.” He went to the couch and grabbed her slippers and lotion, feeling pretty excited himself at the thought of being useful to her once again.

Mulder sat the container of green body cream onto the only open spot next to the near empty Nyquil bottle and knelt at the edge of her bed. Scully outstretched her bare legs into his waiting hands so he could slide her navy blue wool socks onto each small foot. If it were close to two years ago and she had done this to him, Mulder would have massaged the minty smelling lotion into her feet from heel to toe and sensually worked his way up her soft slender body until she begged for more. Right now, he would just have to be grateful she was letting him comfort her at all.

“Thank you.”

“Of course, Scully, you know I love your little feet,” he smirked and reluctantly removed his hands from her ankles. She didn’t move to cover herself back up so he stood to adjust the balled up comforter around her, but her hand wrapping around his bicep halted his progress.

“Lay here next to me.” It wasn’t a question and Mulder opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off. “Come on, Mulder. No reverting back to sitting on the floor uncomfortable while you stay awake and hold my hand all night long. Please just… hold me tonight?”

Blinking away rapidly rising tears, he nodded and responded the only way he could. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, whispering along her skin, “I can do that.”

Mulder carefully climbed over her and pulled the blankets up, tucking it around them. Her bed seemed huge, the space between them cavernous. It felt good to be this close to her like this again, too damn good and his arousal blooming beneath his sweatpants agreed immensely.

He slowly wrapped his arm around her waist and she laced her fingers between his as a silent thank you. The back of her chest rose and fell in tandem along the front of his own and he knew if he closed his eyes, he could picture every single night spent embracing is wife in their shared bed. But he didn’t close his eyes, didn't dare. Because he knew that the next time he and Scully lay in bed, It wouldn’t be in their shared one together.  

“Sleep, Scully. I’m here.” Mulder pressed his lips to her ear and rested his head along the crown of hers.

Breathing deeply now, he felt her slight nod and her backside snuggled in closer, no doubt noticing his ill-timed erection.

“Mulder...”

“Yeah.”

Scully tucked their entwined hands under her chin and he felt the heat from her lips warming his fingers. Waiting with bated breath for her next words, Mulder moved down and nuzzled his nose through her mussed hair, inhaling her scent within the crook of her neck. It was something so familiar and comforting to them both, showing her affection like this as they laid alongside one another. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.  

“I meant what I said,” she murmured.

“Said about what?”

“That I’m still in love with you,” she turned her head towards her shoulder when his breath hitched. “I may be medicated and half asleep, but I can never forget that. I never want you to either.”

He kissed her neck, her cheek, her ear, and told her, “and you forget, Scully, that I could never forget anything about you.” He heard her sigh and felt her whole body melt into the mattress. “You need sleep,” he said again. Mulder moved his mouth away from her face before he gave into the powerful urge to kiss her once more. This time on the lips, crossing over their convoluted line of separation.

When her breathing slowly evened out minutes later and sleep reclaimed her, Mulder carefully untangled their fingers while he gently moved out of her embrace. He stood at the end of her bed, taking in every detail of her peaceful face before he needed to force himself to leave.

He missed seeing her smile, the caress of her touch, the comfort of her warm body next to his lulling him to sleep every night. He missed his Scully. And tonight, Mulder was lucky enough to witness the fact that his Scully had missed her Mulder just as much.

---

[lagtim3-archive]

Can I ask what is your: Otp, brotp and notp from MML?

You can, indeed! Sorry that this turned into a Wall-’o-Text, ‘Nonnie. I haven’t thought about this in-depth before, and I got a teeny bit carried away! 😅

TL;DR:

OTP A: Dakavendish (Also a BROTP!)

OTP B: Milanda

OTP C: Drakotts

BROTP A: Zack ‘n Melissa

BROTP B: Mort ‘n Bradley

NOTP: Uh… Vinnie ‘n Brick, I guess?

OTP A: I’m an absolute sucker for Dakavendish. What can I say? They’re good characters that play off each other really well, and I like that they have a complicated relationship that’s not all sunshine and roses. Still, they can really bring out the best in each other; Dakota encourages Cav to let loose and be more accepting of life, while Cav can coax Dakota into being a more productive and driven person. Excellent banter is also a big plus!

At the same time, I also love Dakota and Cavendish as a BROTP because… well, for one, aside from any potential for romantic love that may or may not exist, there’s definitely platonic love there. Plus, they’d be hilariously awful wing-men for each other. It’d be a disaster, and I love it!

And, let’s face it guys… this is a Disney show, and Disney ain’t exactly known for their willingness to push the boundaries of what the general viewing public is comfortable with. I’m not holding my breath for canon Dakavendish, so I’m pretty okay with the BROTP dynamic as it stands.

OTP B: Milanda! Milanda is definitely my favorite toy ship of the show! Milo, obviously, doesn’t much care to deal with any more chaotic excitement than he has to on the regular, so I can see where he’s coming from when he starts crushing on the no-nonsense paragon of organization that is Amanda.

On the other side of the coin, I’ve really liked watching Amanda develop an appreciation for Milo’s ability to keep calm under pressure, and how he seems to effortlessly manage the absolute chaos that is his life. Seeing Amanda learn by his example to hit the curve-balls life throws at her, instead of losing her head and striking out? Good! Excellent! Fantastic! I love!!!

OTP C: You can blame @drakotts​ for this one, but I got totally suckered into the Scott/Drako rarepair, which is called… Drakotts. You get three guesses as to who coined the ship name, and the first two don’t count.

Why this ship? Glad you asked!

A sun-avoidant vampire (?) would totally love a sun-free, underground environment.

Scott and Drako are both eclectic as all hell, and likely far more open-minded to one another’s oddities than most other people would tend to be.

Scott may not exactly have all his cords plugged into the right sockets, but he’s obvs pretty lonely down there and is covering it up by drawing faces on objects. Regular human (?) interaction would do him good.

Dude, Chad would absolutely lose his pea-pickin’ mind over the sewer mutant / vampire alliance that’s undoubtedly going to take over Danville.

These two side characters just don’t get enough love in general.

What can I say? It’s a cute ship, dammit!

BROTP A: Zack and Melissa! Their interactions have always felt really brother-sisterly to me, y’know? They share a sense of humor and they switch places playing the straight man to one-another. Plus, as someone with plenty of their own not-blood siblings, they just really give me that vibe, y’know?

Plus, I’ll be honest, part of this is a personal bias against the ‘Pair the Spares’ trope. Why–when the protagonist gets a significant other from outside the main character group–do the remaining boy and girl a l w a y s have to end up as a couple? Not that the trope is inherently bad, it’s just so damn over-used that I’m bloody sick to death of it.

Let them be sibs from different cribs! Stop devaluing best-friendship by making it always escalate into romance, as if friendship is a just a lower rung on the relationship ladder or something! Sheesh!

(The above frustration is directed at the trope, not the ship–if you ship Zalissa, more power to you! It’s still cute, I’m just salty that it’s probably gonna end up canon because, of course it is. Very original, no-one saw that coming.)

BROTP B: Mort and Bradley are just great together, and it’s a cryin’ shame we don’t get to see ‘em interact more! We usually only get to see Mort and Chad hanging out, and they’re a fun dynamic to watch, but they’re also really alike. Bradley’s a bit of a smug jerk with jealousy and insecurity issues, and Mort is a totally chillaxed, spiritual kid with good empathy skills. They play off each other so, so well! I can smell the character development from here! Dwampy! Pls!

NOTP: Y’know… I don’t actually have any? I don’t actually dislike Zalissa enough for it to be a NOTP, it just kinda bugs me due to personal trope biases. TBH, I haven’t yet seen an MML pairing that I didn’t think ‘Yeah, okay, that’s pretty valid, I could defo see how that would work.’

For the most part, if the ship isn’t, like… obviously morally gross (ex., a person and a non-sapient animal, or an adult/child ship,) I don’t really care. Hell, I saw someone post a Mort/Milo fic on Ao3 the other day and it was really cute! I end up lowkey shipping a lot of things ‘cause of this mindset.

But, all that is kind of a cop-out answer, so… I think the closest I’ve come to a NOTP is Brick and Vinnie. I’m just really ‘meh’ on it, mostly ‘cause we’ve gotten very little canon interaction between the two, and from what we’ve seen so far, I have a hard time seeing the two as compatible at all.

I dunno, if someone writes a good fic for it I may just change my mind. (That being said, I’m really invested in ‘More Than Survive’, which does have Brick/Vinnie, but that’s one-sided and gets nixed as viable in-story, so I don’t count it.)

[scarlettlawyer]

Part 9 of my reaction/commentary to the Phantoms & Mirages fanfic series by @renegadewangs

(Chasing Phantoms): Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

(Haunted Specters): Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

(Vanquishing Mirages): Part 7 | Part 8

Welp. This is gonna be very painful for me on sooo many levels.

Hooo I kinda feel like I’m playing directly with fire in this post.

Now, it’s worth calling attention to the fact that these reaction/commentary posts are, first and foremost, built on my reactions to the source material. They are recounting the journey I, personally, went through as I read this series – that’s why I focus so much on my feelings and what I thought. There is more objective analysis at times, but it’s not the primary focus. Just in case you’re wondering why I’m focusing on myself so much and might get a little “omg can u shut up about urself and just get back to the story already???” pff. (And besides, more objective analysis is always inevitably filtered through the individual’s thoughts/mindset/perspective/preferences/etc anyway. So I’m basically just not even trying to tune any of that stuff out, as one would inevitably have to for a more proper series of reviews.) Ah… I hope reading in such depth about my personal rollercoaster journey is at least somewhat interesting. And not too boring.

…Yes, at the very least, I hope this post makes for a SOMEWHAT entertaining read.

That was part of my goal. Other than honesty to the point of self-sabotage.

Vanquishing Mirages, Chapter 18

There’s a whole bunch of small things I could comment on in this chapter but I’m going to gloss over them instead. I… can’t bring myself to dwell too much on the “side-things” in this post, really.

So. The image of the phantom, sitting with his head in his hands as Bobby and Palaeno dote over him while the phantom just irritably tries to wave them off is just, everything to me. xDDDD One of my faaaaavourite things. And then the phantom just leaping to his feet like that… The entire scene I could just go on and on about it at length… But I won’t. xDDDD The best game of “how much of an uncomfortable situation and awkwardness can we possibly apply to our dear spy – having other characters dote to the point of it being outright patronising – and how will this near-emotionless man respond to such outside forces?”

Okay actually, I will ramble just a Little. “Bobby and phantom = mother and child” is one of my favourite dynamics in this whole series. Bobby in this scene is just No. 1 Mum and it’s aaaall of my yes. So the phantom is forced to play the role of the child once more at this point in the chapter. The reality is that he’s a convicted criminal and therefore cannot be trusted on his own, hence requiring a bathroom escort. But he might as well be a helpless little child who requires adult supervision, as is the norm with children – this is the other amusing lens through which you can joke about Blackquill needing to lead the way there for him.

With that, Simon turned and led the way towards the door. The Phantom followed, as obedient as could be, and Fulbright looked like he was about to do the same. 

The “as obedient as could be” gets me every damn time, ahahaha. Because it really feels to slot him firmly into that “child” role. Being a good little child. For now. His major modes seem to be “obedient child” (e.g. “Sam Specter” doing the dishes in Haunted Specters if you wanted to push it) and of course the classic “petulant child”.

“Am I still meant to thank you for saving my life?” “Would it have even the slightest shred of sincerity to it?” Simon questioned. “Of course not.” “Then, no.”

THIS IS RIGHT UP THERE WITH SOME OF MY FAVOURITE PHANTOM EXCHANGES IN THIS SERIES.

“A fool, but not worthy of the title Fool Bright. Isn’t that right?” The Phantom managed some sort of failed echo of a smile. A smile that wouldn’t convince anyone who saw it. The words struck Simon as odd. Before the Phantom regained his memories, he would choose Fulbright’s side and use an almost defensive attitude to protect the man. Now that the lost year had returned to him, things seemed different.

Just. Shoot me. Please.

So I guess. Maybe he’s still trying to determine if Simon might be hurt the same way he’s sure Bobby will be?? I guess??? Perhaps… his words aren’t so much about how the name “Fool Bright” impacts him personally, but from his perspective… Simon calling him “Fool Bright” could imply that capacity for him to get deeply hurt by the phantom’s death, that Simon might also have some kind of attachment to him like Bobby does but is less obvious about it, and the phantom obviously doesn’t want that. So I guess his goal here… is possibly trying to determine if Simon has any sentimentality towards him that also needs to be stomped out for Simon’s own sake??

“You need to watch your tongue, Phantom. One might almost accuse you of being jealous.”

Me: um dude did he just. Go there? Did Simon really just- nah that can’t be right, I’m just reading things into his words that aren’t there you know-

“Your relationship? You believe I hold romantic or even sexual interest in you?”

Me: OH. OH OKAY. SO I GUESS WE’RE JUST? I GUESS SIMON REALLY WENT THERE HUH AND THE BOTH OF THEM ARE JUST NOT SHYING AWAY FROM THIS TOPIC OF CONVERSATION. THEY’RE JUST MEETING THIS TOPIC HEAD-ON. WELL. OKAY THEN!

The sheer level of whiplash that this turn in their conversation had on me- I had literally only just been joking with my friend about the parent-child dynamics present among the trio from EARLIER ON IN THE SAME CHAPTER as I’d been reading through it.

The scene just. Ends on that line. Wild enough on its own.

And then it. Bobby. The next scene. H. And then the ffffffffffffff

Chapter end.

Me:

“DOES ANYBODY WANNA TELL ME WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED???????”

And on that absolutely wild note, Vanquishing Mirages draws to a firm close. It was a little bit strange that this scene never gets revisited or expanded upon moving forward, but that’s no matter. I’m sure it was an innocent writing oversight. At least this fic managed to go out with a huge bang! Turns out that thanks to Simon, the phantom had been saddled with unnecessary feelings! Hahaha, what do you know! Sooo, that about wraps it up for me and my reaction/commentary/review for this post folks, I wish anyone reading this all the best! So next up, we have Lifting Spirits! Going into Lifting Spirits, the title already has a positive touch to it, and well, we’ll just have to see what else it has in store. Cya!

      Ah… I guess this post is a little short to just leave it at that then, isn’t it? Very well. Continuing on with the very next chapter that happens immediately after this one, as we begin the new fic:

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 1

He was just watching a documentary on the Tasmanian masked owl when the doorbell rang.

Hahaha omg that is such a Simon thing to do

A bit irksome, but then again, he was fairly sure he’d already seen this footage before.

Dfkjsfjksdf BIG NERD. BIRD NERD.

THE WHIPPED CREAM AND CHOCOLATE SAUCE COMMENT FROM BOBBY djdjnk GOODNESS ME. I wonder if we’ll get any further allusions to what his relationship with Domestique was, ahem, possibly like in future!

And there’s also th

     OKAY FINE.

     [sigh] FIIIIINE.

Finishing the Chapter 18 review then.

Well my first incredulous reaction was something like, “Are you… serious. Did we not just spend like… Two entire fics playing around with the notion that “Blackquill is Basically the phantom’s dad”???? And then you turn around and do this? HOW IS THE READER SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT THIS? NARRATIVE CAN YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIIIIND? ARE YA REALLY GONNA MAKE A PLAY AT THIS AFTER ALL THE PARENTAL DYNAMICS THAT WERE INTRODUCED?

It’s… Oh my god.

But then again.

It wasn’t like these themes hadn’t been introduced before. The first fic in the series felt so far away, out of reach, and from so long ago (and I’ve already gone over how separated it felt from the rest of the story on first readthrough so I needn’t do so again)… But I had some vague recollections you know. The main thing that stood out to me was Blackquill’s confrontation with the phantom before the phantom allowed himself to fall from the apartment window. Where Blackquill basically Trump Cards the phantom with “Ha! You’re totally into me!” and the phantom went “oh god you’re right” and was soooo ruined over the idea that he was apparently ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE that he was like whew! Think I’ll be taking my leave now and never seeing or needing to speak to you or anyone else again, so great is my mortification! And then he went BYE BYE out the window, the end. That’s Totally what happened, right? And even if that’s not exactly how the scene went, I knew, for some reason(s) that I couldn’t quite remember at the time, that the phantom having a Thing for Simon during the first fic was indisputable. (WE WILL GET TO THAT).

And the thing that’s been preventing this being brought up this entire time? The memory loss. And what’s no longer an issue? The memory loss. It was paaaaainfully obvious that things were different once the phantom regained those memories. The entire parental dynamic wherein the phantom was positioned as being Simon’s son was all set up purely in Haunted Specters, during the memory loss phase. But if I looked at it this way, I took it as “fact” that phantom was into Simon in some way or another prior to the memory loss. All of the weird parental projection stuff seemed to only come after that, while the memories of the missing year were gone. And IF THOSE MEMORIES HAD NOW RETURNED… It makes sense that……………………………

There would be some kind of reversion back to…………

So could this fic compartmentalise it like that, then? And we are to leap from the parental realm now that the memories are returned, and straight into… this? Hmm. But this alone was not enough. There were a couple of other things, too.

See, I’ve already alluded to/essentially stated this previously, but… That scene just before the phantom allows himself to fall from the window? On first readthrough, at the time, I didn’t even particularly like it or truly appreciate it. And then, we come full circle, back to when I had all my pesky little “doubts” about how the phantom’s character was handled in the first fic, finally catching up to me for my full re-evaluation.

I hadn’t really bought the one-sided phantomquill during fic 1. It was one of those doubts from back then. It just hadn’t stuck at the time.

Would it stick now?

Let’s talk a bit about phantomquill.

Well, phantomquill has never been my primary focus. My primary focus has always been the phantom (in Dual Destinies content, anyway). If given the choice, I’d prefer to just have content that has the phantom in it. Not really phantomquill stuff, although phantomquill can certainly be interesting to think about, it was never really a priority or a preference for me.

Except… Almost all phantom-focused content usually seems to be inherently phantomquill in nature. Which is fine! It would be nice to just have some neutral phantom stuff, but it looked like phantomquill was the default. The prerequisite, almost, if someone was gonna have a focus on the phantom in their story. And I didn’t mind. But I’d probably equally enjoy said stories regardless of whether the phantomquill was there or not.

So I guess I’m always kinda inclined to just shrug and go “I GUESS?” when phantomquill comes along. But I had, however, become waaay more fond of phantomquill over the years. It still wasn’t much of a preference but I’d certainly gained an appreciation for it and quite enjoyed thinking about it at times.

And obviously, obviously, from how the last two scenes are set-up – the suspiciously sudden jumpcut between them, I knew there had to be more to what was going on. I knew there probably had to be missing lines that got exchanged that the audience hadn’t seen yet, leading up to/into what Bobby walks in on.

But regardless of what those lines were… The outcome would be the same, wouldn’t it? So what difference could the conversation’s direction possibly make? Things, in one way or another, from how their conversation continues, must have gotten out of h- well. Spiralled into what Bobby sees the phantom doing!!

And I was also amused because HMM… THIS WHOLE SCENARIO… WHEREIN A BLOND PHANTOM… KISSES SIMON, COMMITTING A TERRIBLE MISTAKE IN THE PROCESS OF DOING SO… ALMOST SEEMS FAMILIAR, SOMEHOW.

But actually, there’s really no harm in that. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with fanfics containing similar scenarios playing out with their own differences added into the mix. It’s FUN and EXCITING to see different authors handle somewhat similar situations in their own ways. If anything, it should be encouraged.

So could I really accept this scene playing out in THIS fic in all its terrific absurdity? One of the important questions for that was, did it feel “earned” in any way?

I found myself thinking back to previous Vanquishing Mirages chapters, as covered in the last post. About how, back then, I was thinking how this was “peak phantomquill” and how if there’s any way phantomquill should be, it was this. Even back then, I inadvertently found myself glancing at the fic’s tags. “No phantomquill tag? No phantomquill tag? Huh… well okay then. I guess the author doesn’t think it’s phantomquill if it’s not “romantic” in nature and/or only remains subtext. That’s fair enough.” To look at those scenes… To think back to the first fic… And look at it all through a phantomquill lens…… It did feel kinda earned to me.

And you even warned me, in your own way. “Originally planned to have one-sided phantomquill.” ORIGINALLY. That’s essentially what you told me, isn’t it? Aaaand that confused me for the longest time. Honestly. I read through Chasing Phantoms like “???? “Originally” how? This one-sided phantomquill is uh, PRETTY SOLIDLY CANON IMO.” I just figured you meant “one-sided phantomquill that wasn’t just subtext” or “way more obvious”. Figured that in your opinion, if it only ever remained subtext yet still clearly there, well it wasn’t proper phantomquill then was it?

And then when I read this chapter, I was just like… (AND EVEN MESSAGED MY FRIEND BASICALLY SAYING THIS):

“THIS FIC ISN’T EVEN TAGGED AS PHANTOMQUILL W H A T”

(HOOTY HOOO PAST ME THERE’S A REASON FOR THAT).

But it just made me think, “Oh, well. I guess the only reason the author would tag something as “phantomquill” ever is if the pairing becomes canon then? Which it obviously never will here. Therefore there’s no tag for it.”

Now, I’d like to draw your attention to something I wrote in a recent reply of mine to you:

“Not to mention that I loved the courtroom jokes bit so much that, once I decided to let myself enjoy it and accept it, my Willing Suspension of Disbelief was strengthened tenfold and was ready to take just about anything you would throw at it. (And you sure were ready to throw stuff at me and had more up your sleeve!). I gave the story even more leeway to work with willingly, because everything was so perfect and I wanted my suspension of disbelief to have plenty of leeway to fully enjoy EVERYTHING. NO MORE INNER KILLJOY. I knew I could trust in the narrative because it was so strong.”

I guess this was a huge part of my downfall.

I looked at this set-up the chapter left us with – one-sided, inevitably angsty phantomquill, thought back on everything and what it came down to was… couldn’t I just accept it, just like I’d accepted things like the joke-telling? Did I want to? Did I enjoy this scenario?

…Yeah. Yeah, I realised with a bit of surprise that I did. I REALLY, REALLY DID, ACTUALLY. And I wanted to accept it. My inner killjoy was cast aside. It was tiiiime to just enjoy this perfect “angst” or whatever youd call it.

It didn’t matter how ridiculous it may be. When it comes to fanfiction… the sky tends to be the limit. It’s precisely where you can see little fantasies like this one played out. It’s… It’s… If there’s any place this kind of scenario could happen, for sure. This was it. The best thing to do is just… enjoy it for what it is.

Almost everything had primed me to thinking that… This was indisputable one-sided phantomquill, was it not? And if just about every phantom-heavy fic out there seems to have some phantomquill in it, it’s only natural that this one would too, right? There was nothing driving me to question it. And accepting it just made me ridiculously happy and excited. Yeah, it’s “angsty” and one-sided, but it made me so dang happy nonetheless.

And if this wasn’t bad enough.

I went on to make a number of other mistakes that proved to be very, very fatal.

I read this chapter after midnight. And it was sooo much to process, and I wanted to be fully awake to process whatever was coming next… And it was just way too late at night. I figured, I wouldn’t be able to handle whatever was coming next… I needed to sleep. I needed to… save it for tomorrow. And it was too late to read another chapter anyway.

…Oh, if only I had read on… I could have spared myself so much. If I had just gone straight from this chapter into the next one… I would’ve been mostly fine. Nothing would have truly had a chance to sink in and my misconception would have been quickly cleared up. I would’ve been pretty much fine, I’m sure. I would have likely suspended judgement and saved myself…

It really is the kiss itself that was the killing blow, too. If the chapter had only, if it had only ended at the phantom’s last line, and Bobby’s segment saved for the next chapter, I would have EASILY maintained plausible deniability and would have been spared. Even when Blackquill and phantom’s conversation turned in that direction, I had NOT made ANY concrete assumptions.

But what actually happened was.

I turned my computer off,

And went to sleep.

And ohhhhhh boy.

I was very excited to find out how the narrative would continue in the next chapter. Especially how the prose of the text itself would approach it. Naturally, there was going to be immediate fallout.

But the narrative patterns of this series so far also fooled me. One thing was clear: the audience was to find out what happened during the jumpcut from Blackquill’s to Bobby’s POV in the next chapter.

And WHOSE perspective is missing, that is normally left until last? Was it not evident…?

So it seems like my mind couldn’t help brainstorming, and seems my dreams were like, “Oh, what if the prose was like this, starting with this sentence, and then…”

Haah.

So you see, when I woke up the next morning, I had these lines of prose fresh in my mind! And I really liked them, actually! I couldn’t let them go to waste! I had to write them down…!

Yep. It’s terribly embarrassing to admit. But I wrote my own little snippet of a sequel before reading the next chapter. “I can compare, see how the next chapter actually goes…!” I thought to myself naively.

Which brings us to…

Vanquishing Mirages, Chapter 19

Finally, I eagerly open the next chapter to read and it was just…

I don’t think I’ve ever been more thoroughly played by a piece of fiction in my entire life.

There was that time I was reading a book and one of the beloved characters that I was deeply attached to was very clearly dying. Their death had been one of the possibilities I had been DREADING even before starting the book. It’s a little bit hard to stay alive when there’s a sword lodged in you like that, you know? Their consciousness was slipping away by the moment. I couldn’t read on through my tears. I had to pause reading and pull myself together to push on.

…And when I did? The character suddenly, recovered on the next page. And was fine. Because here’s the thing: said character was a zombie. But like, a weird kind of “alive” zombie which could still die I guess. Had the sword remained firmly lodged in him, chances are he would have actually died. But another character – devastated over this character’s impending death, 100% sure it was about to happen, pulled the sword out. And then, what do you know? The character sat up again and was like “lol wait I’m actually feeling a lot better now lol… well I guess that’s being a zombie for you huh.”

Hah. Well. That’s one example that comes to mind and at least, in this case… the bait and switch was actually going from one thing I desperately didn’t want – to something I actually desperately wanted. For the character to live, or “live” as a perfectly conscious zombie.

There is another example that comes to mind, a little bit closer to home, which involves… ship baiting.

I like to think that it is very hard to make me fall for ship baiting. Sure, I ship things that aren’t canon in media. And I do so with the full knowledge that they aren’t canon and will most likely never be canon. I keep those two realms nice and separate and therefore my feelings never get hurt. I never get too invested to the point of becoming upset… And I can tell, usually, what is sheer shipbaiting and what constitutes actual, canon evidence.

So there was one piece of media I was into, where two male characters were shipped with each other from the very start by the fandom, even before they ever interacted with each other. Then they actually started interacting and their dynamic was awesome, they cared for and were looking out for each other. So the shipping of the two characters only heightened dramatically in the fandom, naturally. Now, everyone was getting invested, but I looked at these two characters and went… “yeah, sure, I would love to see them get together, so I ship it.” But I figured, you know, it was never gonna actually happen, so I didn’t get too invested. I thought, yeah… the writers are deeefinitely throwing in some intentional bait with those two that they will never actually follow through on. So I didn’t get invested.

But then something happened that changed everything for me… One of those two characters got 100% confirmed, beyond a shadow of any doubt, to be canonically in love with the other, in the media itself, undeniably. I always usually look for plausible deniability to cover my bases. That’s what ship baiting relies on. But there was no way around the concrete fact that this character was in love with the other.

And in that piece of media, there was no canon reason, absolutely none, why those two characters couldn’t get together. And if Character A’s canonically in love with Character B… there were MOUNTAINS of evidence that Character B felt the same way. If anything, if I had to take a blind guess at who was in love with who, I would have figured it was Character B way more than Character A.

Well, the writers messed up and stuffed around and played with its audience. They wanted to keep baiting this ship, they introduced very transparent & pointless roadblocks as to why they couldn’t be together only after the fact of one of the character’s feelings revealed, and yeah, turns out the other character doesn’t feel the same way back. They employed just plain bad writing to introduce pointless drama and turned the previously inseparable pair against each other.

Nooow that hurt a lot because I was shipping something that, for all intents and purposes canonically speaking, could've been on the verge of becoming a reality. Before the writers decided to add unnecessary complications and reveal that the other character never felt that way. I got really invested and it turned out to be blatant baiting and, yeah.

Well the example in your fic is obviously very different from that one on a number of fronts. The example just provided was baiting the ship becoming canon. The example in your series is merely baiting the notion that a character had a specific type of feeling(s) for another. In some ways that made it all the more crushing.

Suffice it to say, I felt like the BIGGEST, STUPIDEST idiot EVER when I read the next chapter. I still do. The pain never truly went away sdklsd;madl;dfkj

Well, let’s start on the chapter itself, shall we?

With the chapter summary:

The Phantom’s crazy way of thinking turns the situation into a bit of a soap opera. How does he really feel about Simon Blackquill, as far as feeling goes with him?

Stupid, stupid me, leaning into a microphone: um. Do you even have to ask. This chapter summary alone was one of my favourite things in the world… before reading on.

”My actions were Bobby Fulbright’s actions, not a reflection of my own desires.”

Okay so. I had not actually remembered this line until this second readthrough, and I absolutely have to call bull on this. We know that prior to the phantom stealing Bobby’s life, Bobby never acted on his sexuality. FURTHERMORE, EVEN IF HE HAD, I’m calling bull once AGAIN and am gonna say that the real Bobby Fulbright would never have abused his role as parole officer to cross a line that should not have been crossed WITH A PRISONER THAT HE IS PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR. Unavoidable power balance. The Bobby I know would not, end of story. Even if the real Bobby was attracted to Simon. He wouldn’t have acted on it if he was Simon’s parole officer. AND THIS ENTIRE SPIEL IS MOOT ANYWAY BECAUSE THE PHANTOM WOULD HAVE NO WAY TO TELL WHO BOBBY WOULD BE ATTRACTED TO AND I SOMEHOW DOUBT HE GETS THAT INVESTED IN HIS ROLES TO FOLLOW THROUGH TO THIS EXTENT. I guess what it comes down to is how he later basically says “seeking acknowledgement is one thing, seeking a relationship is entirely another”. So part of the driving force was the seeking acknowledgement…? BUT IN A WEIRD NON-PHANTOMQUILL WAY…? And there’s also the fact that the identity of “Bobby Fulbright” and the nameless spy known as the phantom were blurring together. But IF the identity blurring actually played a role, that would make it phantomquill, so I kind of doubt that’s part of the explanation.

And like, sure, I get it. Pretty sure “Bobby Fulbright” behaved that way immediately after Simon mentioned “the phantom” to him. So his goal was to manipulate Simon, a little bit of that “seeking acknowledgement” in there too (BUT NOT ACTUAL PHANTOMQUILL-STYLE “SEEKING ACKNOWLEDGEMENT” APPARENTLY????) and who knows. Maybe he was searching for the damn profile. Maybe he thought it might be hidden in Simon’s clothes. WHO KNOWS. But like, I get it, it was “not a reflection of his own desires”, APPARENTLY.

fffffffffffffff

”I am what one might call aromantic and asexual,”

So as a quick aside, worth noting that on the first readthrough… Like… I knew the kiss was still coming so at the start when he’s saying this stuff, it felt more like him denying it, only for ya know… the kiss to happen and all. It was only after it fully played out that I came back to this line all like “Oh my god… he was right… he wasn’t kidding…” BUT WE’LL GET TO THERE. WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY THOUGH-

My goodness. Reading this sent me into another realm. It just like? Astral projected me to some other planet because heLLOOOO I WOULD LIKE TO DISSECT THIS A LITTLE BIT:

Firstly, the word “asexual”? Okay, that’s commonly used outside of the context of people being ace. So it would not be too surprising for him to say something about being asexual because, that’s already a commonly-used English word, even if that “common definition” (see: plants and whatever) is not the definition he is using here, he could easily use this word in this context without knowing that plenty of people actually do use it in this context as a label for themselves.

BUT “AROMANTIC” … NOW THAT’S INTERESTING. “Aromantic” is a very specific word with a specific definition! It is not a commonly-known English word in day-to-day life among the average person and it is not used outside of people using it as a label to identify themselves with!

ALL OF THIS TO SAY… FOR HIM TO USE BOTH WORDS? IMPLIES HE KNOWS HIS STUFF.

IF the phantom had been randomly pulling out the word “asexual” because it would be “obvious what it means in this context” without knowing that asexuality is A Fairly Common Thing, he would have just called himself asexual and nothing else. Because for people who aren’t particularly knowledgeable on the subject, they often conflate asexuality and aromanticism together!

With that being said, there is still the possibility that he isn’t aware of the communities that have been formed around those labels. That he was doing a simple equation here and putting “a-“ in front of “sexuality” and “romantic” to demonstrate that he’s “none” in both.

BUT I’M STILL INCLINED TO SAY THAT THE FACT THAT HE SPECIFICALLY SAYS “AROMANTIC” MEANS HE’S KINDA KNOWLEDGEABLE ABT IT…

And I just CANNOT get over this and the implications attached to it. The phantom knows about asexuality and aromanticism and self-identifies as aroace? THE PHANTOM KNOWS ABOUT THE SPLIT ATTRACTION MODEL? DSDFKLMLKDF;LDSL;-

Ohhh my god.

And yes, in this year 2019 these terms and communities are becoming more and more widespread, but they’re still not particularly mainstream. I know also that this fic is set in 2028, but… I’m more primed to think about when this fic was written – a few years back – when these terms and communities would have been a little bit more obscure. That’s the primary background I think of RE: the phantom actually knowing this stuff.

Also, hah, it’s so many layers because WOW… Talk about absolutely awful aroace representation in a sense right here. You get this character in your canon calling themselves aroace and they’re… the despicable, emotionless murderer & VILLAIN. Feels like it falls directly into the “bad representation” trap, HOWEVER. I do feel that the situation is much more nuanced in this case.

Like yeah, he might be an emotionless murderer, and on the surface that looks bad, BUT! He’s also a major protagonist that we have come to sympathise with at times and feel bad for… The story has followed and focused on him so much. It has shown him in so many different lights, somehow managing to make him such an extremely well-rounded character with depth. Therefore, at least to me… It doesn’t necessarily feel like bad representation at all. He’s not limited to being the bad guy. He’s so much more than that. This is nothing but another aspect to his character. And being aroace is not necessarily directly linked to his villainy. So much about him has been broken down and deconstructed. So somehow… by some miracle… In the context of this fic, the fact that the emotionless murderer is aroace could almost circle back around into being almost good representation, amazingly enough. Or… well, that’s the thing. Whether it’s “good” or “bad” representation most likely ultimately isn’t your primary concern anyway. Neither is “representation”, for that matter. What matters is a good story with good characters that make sense. So there may be no point talking about the representation angle anyway: it’s not necessarily “representation”. It’s just a character with a certain identity that happens to neutrally exist in the plot, whoever that character may be and whatever that character may happen to be.

And I also have happened to see you mention that you yourself are ace!

But I’m merely analysing the text as I would with any piece of fiction – and will continue to do so. Being aware that you’re ace yourself gives me a little bit more perspective on things, but I wouldn’t have necessarily been aware of that in different circumstances and therefore wish to look at the text as its own entity and how it comes across to me as the reader.

As for the rest of what he says…

Ohhh geez. Now it’s time to talk about something else. Another little fatal mistake I made in my approach to reading this series. We must once again return ourselves to when I read Chasing Phantoms.

Now I myself am asexual, of the repulsed kind… xD

So when I came across That phantomquill scene in Chasing Phantoms, my response was basically just, “oh GEEZ that is NOT a mental image I want thankyouverymuch nope nope nope nope.” And just – kept reading on and did my best to forget about that scene. Juuust bury it away and not think about it. :P Ignore it! Pretend it didn’t happen. And this alone created some “distance” between myself and the narrative at the time, that my instinct already was to reject something connected back to that version of the phantom.

Looks like I did a little too good of a job forgetting about it. And with it out of mind, well, I’d become sooo heavily entrenched in the series by this point and really was clinging to everything that was canon.

I read this chapter and it was just like… oh dear. Oh DEAR. That was a thing. That happened in this series!!!

It was just SHOVED in my face undeniably in this chapter, as if I could not have possibly received a nastier slap in the face with the reminder of that incident’s existence. xDDDD

My distance when reading Chasing Phantoms had just come back to bite me in the biggest way… I’d gotten so heavily attached to the canon of this series by this point. But I’d conveniently forgotten the canon that I didn’t want to acknowledge, and hadn’t fully acknowledged back then. Suddenly! I was well and truly being forced to acknowledge EVERYTHING! Ahaha.

The spy pushed away from the sink to take a few steps towards Simon. The look on his face was harder than it’d ever been before. The closest thing to fierce determination the man could muster, perhaps.

THIS must be when he gets the STUPID idea to, I DON’T KNOW, SHIPBAIT ME INTO OBLIVION? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

There was nothing heartfelt or affectionate about it.

NOTHING????? NOTHING?????????

“Awww… Busted.” The Phantom ran a hand past his mouth, but he was still grinning. It was a grin that Simon remembered from those first visits to solitary confinement. A grin that’d been coupled with purposeful jabs below the belt. “Isn’t that a damn shame?”

In spite of everything…………. I love this line. I just love the “aw busted” it’s sdjdfnkljdlnk I LOVE IT. HE IS THE WORRRRRRRST.

“Don’t be like that. I was only attempting to relive that pleasant night we had last year before it’s too late.”

Me: OH MY GOD SOMEONE SHUT HIM UP SOMEONE SHUT HIM UP RIGHT NOW I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THIS SHUT IT DOWN.

Phantom: [opens mouth to speak]

Me:

Oh I can’t. I cannot.

Me: “I am BEGGING you to shut up. For once in your miserable life, in your whole pathetic existence… SHUT UP.”

This narrative had given me so much Suffering & Sympathetic Phantom and a whole manner of like… “Nice” Phantom and this is just…………… W O W. The narrative primed me so much on things like Sympathetic Phantom and “hahahaaaa he’s a child just look at him!” and this is just like! A harsh, merciless jolt! -OH ONE LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO RECEIVE ACTUALLY, WASN’T THINKING OF THAT WHEN I TYPED THAT BUT HAHAA…

BUT HIM SAYING THESE THINGS HAD SUCH ENTERTAINING SHOCK VALUE TOO. THE FLIPPANCY!

The Phantom stirred and pushed himself into a sitting position. He was still trembling, though at the very least that detestable grin had been washed off his face. “You’re welcome.”

Goooo to hell. Go to hell.

He briefly considered retrieving his feather from the ground as well, then thought better of himself. Five second rule aside, the fact that it was lying on the bathroom floor of a hospital instantly rendered it trash for the janitors to do away with.

SDKJBSDKJB SIMON.

“Understood.” The Phantom pushed himself to his feet, though he seemed to be having some trouble keeping his balance. Perhaps the electric currents had left a stronger impact on his body than was evident. To think this incident took place right before a jarring surgery…

HE IS SUCH A MORON. YOU IDIOT.

Perhaps this would be their final conversation, Simon realized with a sudden jolt. …No, the surgery would be harmless. It was an easy procedure. That was what the doctor had claimed.

This I had a small bit of trouble with, because something like brain surgery hardly seems like an “easy” and “harmless” procedure, but the dangers were actually touched on as I pointed out in my previous post… I just guess I would have emphasised the dangers a little more. But perhaps you did research and were able to determine that such a hypothetical procedure… would be “harmless”…?

The Phantom closed his eyes for a few seconds and Simon could see the corners of his mouth twitch. “I am… glad that we got to be partners one last time. Trust or no trust, I think that we make a favorable team.”

Look my soul had already well and truly left my body by this point of the chapter so I did not remember this line at all. I don’t really know what the hell’s it ‘sposed to mean or what’s going on. I guess it doesn’t matter. I have already been DESTROYED.

Dear Phantom,

Yours Sincerely,

-One of your biggest fans.

Sooo I was devastated. And felt deeply humiliated. And then that devastation turned to pure desperation. Even if things turned out this way… There had to still be hidden actual one-sided phantomquill nonetheless, right? I needed this. I needed this so badly, I’d staked everything on one-sided phantomquill’s reality here, something I had never truly done in any other phantom fic I’d ever read – fics that would willingly offer up phantomquill to me on a silver platter.

But every last bit of “phantomquill” that I’d been assuming and hadn’t even cared for prior to this point turned out not to be phantomquill at all…? It faded away, just when I needed it most. At which point, a second wave of devastation hit me. At the fact that not only had the chapter gone horribly, horribly awry from what my fantasies had played out in my mind, but that there had apparently never been any one-sided phantomquill. Heightening my sense of my own idiocy tenfold.

And this second wave was exacerbated by another realisation: Even if there were traces of genuine phantomquill to be found in other parts of the series, it hardly made any difference in the end. My feelings were hurt by chapter 19. Everything had been banked on that. And nothing could change how it actually played out.

And I thought it over countless times, because I usually like to pride myself on understanding and siding with authorial intent, you know? Or at least striving to most of the time. Was I truly just unbelievably stupid? What was I supposed to expect from the chapter? What about the other “phantomquill” scenes and implications that took place, dotted all throughout the series, that can be viewed through different lenses? It was clear that some baiting had been at play, but how much of it had been intentional and how much was me just an idiot reading the text incorrectly? (The fact that you were gunning for it in the beginning makes it seem like such a deep-rooted, ridiculously long-running con-job… my goodness… Even if it wasn’t intended to be a con from the start… That means the audience… Can you really say the audience is not being conned way back in Chasing Phantoms? How else were they supposed to interpret the phantom’s characterisation back then…?! How were they supposed to know…! And if actual phantomquill had been what you intended at the time of writing it…!) Oh I was ruined and driven into doubting myself so much and KICKING myself over this.

There was… No justice in any of this, it seemed. And I could not even feel “righteous” in any way. I just felt pathetic.

Because I’d only been asking for something one-sided… I’d wanted to see my favourite character suffer even more. It’s not the “normal” “I just want character to be happy” type angle. So it felt like such a weird thing to beg for. But beeeeeg for it I did anyway, huh.

I just! Wanted! To see some more Vulnerable Phantom! Maybe with just a little bit of genuine emotions leaking through! What would have made it so wonderful… Is that it takes place JUST before the surgery! Therefore it would demonstrate that even with his severely limited emotional state! He still…! THAT’S WHAT I WANTED OK IS THAT SO WRONG?!

No it isn’t and meet me out back I’ve got sources come prepared I’ll present my ten page essay on why you wrote your own fic wrong and sjsdjsdkj

^Me, in all-out confrontation & idiot mode, arguing at you over this, well and truly willing to go down with this one-sided ship

And when some of the devastation subsided, I went into Bitter Mode. Ohhhhhhh the saltiness. Ohhhhhhh I got salty, veeeeery salty. STILL not entirely sure if I’m done being salty. Or will ever be done being salty & bitter over this, played up intentionally to my friend to reap all of its comedic potential. :P I’d been burrrrrrrrrned.

So there you have it. Since you like irony so damn much…

I took the “phantomquill” in this series for granted at first. “Phantomquill” that I later practically begged for.

I didn’t care a whole lot for the initial scene where the phantom lets himself fall from that window in Chasing Phantoms (of course, I later realised how good it was on its own). A scene that was directly tied to and paralleled one of the extreme heights of my enjoyment in Vanquishing Mirages, also helping me to gain a far deeper appreciation of said earlier scene.

And the one time where I got super invested in phantomquill and wanted it, really wanted it, was with one of the very few fics that would flatly refuse to provide it.

Oh wait, one more thing too. The aro ace thing. Lol if he was agender too in this, he’d be triple-A hahaha

That was another thing when I came across the phantomquill in Chasing Phantoms initially. I was just like, “mmmm, no, nah. If anything, going by the “canon” of the game, if you absolutely had to put a label on the phantom, he’d be aro ace.”

Well. Turns out…

And, under just about any other circumstance, it would make me pleased to see the phantom call himself aro ace, and yet… The circumstances couldn’t be more… :T

So when it finally sunk in that, yea he is?

I was just like…

“No… no no no no no no… This is not happening… This cannot be happening…! MY OWN LOGIC IS BEING USED AGAINST MEEEEEE……………………”

: (

But yes. The ironies that can be listed of this situation do go on and on.

That was it. The last Simon saw or heard of the entity known as the Phantom.

Me, who in spite of everything, actually does still love the phantom very much and does not want to see him now promptly vanish from this really well-written series in his really well-written form, and has noooo idea how this is gonna go and what the result of this surgery is gonna be and is therefore very nervous about how “the phantom” will transform after this point:

If the doctors were successful, an intangible spirit would take the form of a true human, rather like a phoenix being reborn from its own ashes.

“I’ve literally just been brutally left in the dust I am hardly in any state to appreciate the beauty of sentences like this one. GO AHEAD, SHOW ME YOUR PRETTY PROSE, BUT IT’S A LITTLE LATE NOW ISN’T IT. IT WON’T WORRRRRRK I’M TOO BUSY HAVING BEEN SO THOROUGHLY OWNED BY A BAIT AND SWITCH THAT I’M LYING ON THE GROUND IN TINY PIECES”

To prove once and for all whether or not there was a true identity hidden inside him.

That’s nice but I literally just could not bring myself to care anymore. I was done. The fic ended in the last chapter. It was finished. “My version’s canon to me now.” That’s one way I could try to cope and pretend my heart & dignity can remain intact. Whatever is going on now it’s just an interesting au. My little self-indulgent version is what obviously happened.

This fic could do whatever the hell it wanted because nothing about it mattered anymore, I didn’t care, it’d lost me. I pettily decided at the time that Anything after Chapter 18 is the Wrong Timeline so It’s all meaningless as far as I was concerned!

Fulbright… Was he truly so angry that he would miss the moment of the Phantom’s awakening?

It’s kinda funny because in a sense, I was Bobby at this point of the chapter. Absent : ) Yeah, ok, I was reading on through my pain… But I was very. Emotionally absent, disconnected, or whatever you’d like to call it. In Chasing Phantoms I wasn’t particularly invested because of all the doubts I’d had. And here, my investment in however the series would continue dropped DRAMATICALLY because I’d been too invested in it. It was just like… “Ok. Might as well see whatever the hell happens. But nothing in this series can ever truly make me happy again as it did before. The line’s been crossed. Sayonara.”

…Yeah, rather bold words to utter just prior to Lifting Spirits.

But you baked the most perfect, beautiful and tantalising-looking phantomquill cake to me… and then you just… IMMEDIATELY destroyed it. You took a hammer to that cake. Threw it in the bin, leaving me desperately, brokenly reaching for the icing still smeared messily on the table, and when I did, YOU SLAPPED MY HAND AWAY. No siree I could not even have some of that icing. Ya blew it. I was done. UNFORGIVABLE. Line crossed. Your rights to the work were forfeit as far as I was concerned. It was all mine now.

Was he consulting with his trusted therapist, perhaps?

HOHOOH what if he did though. I can’t remember if that gets confirmed either way. PFFF WELL YOU CAN ADD THIS MESS TO THE LIST OF THINGS BENNY MIGHT KNOW ABOUT THEN???? HOW… INTERESTING!

Ok but also:

I SWEAR TO GOOOOOOOD THIS LINE ACTUALLY MADE ME SO? CONFUSED AND BORDERLINE, IF NOT OUTRIGHT SUSPICIOUS ON FIRST READ BECAUSE LIKE.

Okay, there was another much more direct Benny reference earlier this same fic. He’s actually NAMEDROPPED. I didn’t point it out at the time because I didn’t want to be too tedious about it and waited until the next reference like this, which I figured there would be, so that I could comment on MY THOUGHTS.

So waaay back earlier in the fic, when Benny actually gets namedropped for the first time:

What sort of advice would his therapist offer? He wished he could call the man and explain his situation, because Benny always had just the right answer to any problem.

Me at the time: wow, even the offscreen therapist gets a name? What a series! Is this series fleshed out or what?!

But even back then.

There’d just been. Such a handful of references to this guy.

Like, when the therapist first started being referenced it was all like “oh I’m so glad Bobby’s getting the counselling and help that he needs”.

And then he just

Kept being referenced after that

And with each iteration I just got a tiny bit more and more like

“O-okay…? We know Bobby is getting help… We are aware of it. And that’s great. I’m really glad. Not sure why the therapist matters though… weird focus on the therapist since it’s Bobby’s recovery that is paramount here, not the therapist helping him. Just not relevant.”

Like I was deeply impressed that such an unimportant character got named, yet at the same time it was like. Aaaaalright. He’s really not warranting this much focus. But okay then.

And now it’s Blackquill bringing him up, not Bobby. And SURE I guess the mention KINDA makes sense from him but the focus felt so fishy to me… “TRUSTED therapist”… why the emphasis on how great this guy supposedly is. C’mooon. It REALLY made me go HMMMM. I was just like… who cares though. There’s literally no reason to bring the therapist up he’s not connected to any of this or the plot at ALLL… He serves ONE purpose and that is to be the unseen background force helping Bobby to work through his issues. That’s it!

Vanquishing Mirages, Chapter 20

Oh… This chapter… is so good. Wow… Wow. Not much else I can say rn.

He’d never appreciated her. Now it was too late.

Simon saw no need to keep the truth from him. This plan had been the Phantom’s, not his own. He’d merely been roped into it as an unwilling accomplice, yet he refused to cover the spy’s tracks.

Ffffffffffffff

Yeah I was gonna go off about “idiot spy” again at this point but I’ve tired myself out from all the salt I’ve overloaded into this post so that my past pain can serve at least some kind of fun… But god. God. The phantom’s plan was PAPER thin just, ridiculously flimsy, yeah sure he came up with it on the fly whatever I guess but it like. Depends on Blackquill playing along and ffffffffffffff. Alright I guess maybe he figured Simon would play along if Simon was interested in shielding Bobby from grief as the phantom explained was his intent but god. Ghhhhhh. It just feels like insult to injury too cause he has this Grand Plan to protect Bobby which immediately proceeds to fail.

And it was enough to fuel his loathing further. He shook his head so violently that it made him dizzy, yet he managed to stop himself from raising his voice again. Shouting wouldn’t make his point any clearer. Instead, he stepped forward and crouched down before Fulbright’s chair. He grabbed the man’s nearest hand with both of his own. He was lousy with words and he knew that much, but he needed to at least try to communicate his thoughts- his feelings- before this misunderstanding was allowed to spread any more. “Do you truly not remember what I’ve told you from the day I first met you?” he demanded, his tone of voice more fierce than he’d intended but lacking in volume nonetheless. “You are nothing like the man who played the part of my chaperone. I would sooner take my own life than return to those days. You, on the other hand, give me another reason to live. I can tell the difference between the two of you and that makes all the difference in the world.”

[…]

“I love you, Bobby Fulbright, not the fallacy that pretended to be you. However, if you dare to call my feelings into question again, I will not hesitate to tear you to shreds myself.”

This is a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming for Blackbright right here. This is SOO good. I really admired and appreciated this shining Blackbright moment even amidst the whirl of everything else I was busy reacting to.

And… On that uplifting note, I’ll finish this otherwise ridiculously salty mess of a post. XD I’ll tackle the rest of this chapter & more beyond next time. This is already waaaaay too long anyway. But I knew that this post would inevitably be a massive one, and I had to essentially say Stuff You to the very notion of any self-imposed word-limits.