#I’ve posted and deleted this like 8 times maybe it’ll stick this time.

[jockpoetry]

happy valentines day to the fictional gay hockey players that live rent free in my brain 24/7 and to them ONLY

[figsandfandoms]

✨2022 Writing Year In Review✨

I was tagged by @lassiesspanishaccent​ so here goes!

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 25!! Holy Hannah. That’s a bit skewed by the fact that I participated in Flufftober this year.

2. Word count posted for the year:  62,626

3. Fandoms I wrote for: Psych and SG-1

4. Pairings: I was quite the multi-shipper this year lol

Juliet/Shawn (Psych)

Daniel/Vala (SG-1)

Gus/Selene (Psych)

Carlton/Marlowe (Psych)

Carlton/Shawn (Psych)

Shawn/Gus (Psych)

5. Story with the most: 

Kudos: “One night in the chief’s office”  (225 Kudos)

Bookmarks: “One night in the chief’s office” 49 Bookmarks)

Comments: “You've got comments “ (56 Comment Threads)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): 

I think I answered this question in another AO3 round up or review, so hopefully I answer it the same this time haha.

But I think I’m most proud of two works: How many one-night stands equals a relationship? and One night in the chief’s office.

For How many one-night stands equals a relationship?, I’d say I’m proud of the poetry of it.

For One night in the chief’s office, it was my first major M/M smut, and I’m proud of how it turned out, and proud of myself for pushing through with it.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

I honestly don’t know. This has given me the opportunity to read over some of the fics that don’t get a lot of attention, but I’m still proud of them and proud that I wrote them.

Do I think that the writing could have been better, that maybe I could have spell-checked a little more? Sure. But I wrote something and created something. So, I’m proud of them.

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

Oh gosh. Like Swattie said, I love each and every comment I’ve received. I don’t think I’ve deleted any of them from my inbox! (side note, does the AO3 inbox have a limit???).

That being said…

The ones that really stick out are the times when people have told me I’ve written the characters ‘in character’. The characters I wrote for are an eclectic bunch, and getting their tone and style of speaking down pat can be hard. So I love it when people tell me that I write them in characters.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Hmm… I’d say maybe the beginning of 2022, when I got such a horrible round of migraines. At least two a week for about a month or so. Back then, opening my eyes was hard, let alone writing a fic.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Writing for Cam in Cameron Mitchell's Diary was kind of surprising. The idea for the story came outta nowhere, and I hadn’t really thought of writing from Cam’s perspective.

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

I’m gonna cheat and pick two:

From ‘How many one-night stands’

He nods, and they kiss and hug and touch and undress each other and try to make each other feel good because they know this feeling won’t last long. He pours kindness and caring into every clash of teeth and tongue, telling her without words that it’ll be okay, that she’ll be okay.

I hit the poetry hard with this story, but this is my favourite line.

From ‘You’ve got comments’

Shawn thought for approximately 8.5 seconds before he enacted his plan. It was twice as long as he normally spent looking before leaping, so he gave himself a literal pat on the back before starting.

That line makes me giggle.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I took more risks this year, and my writing has improved.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

By doing what I did last year- keep trying new things and seeing what happens.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

The Santa Barbara After Dark discord! Swattie, Birdy, Noz, Avotah, Aut… You all are so amazing!

I’ll also be sappy and say my husband is my biggest cheerleader. He cheers me on and takes over household chores so I can write. He’s my best friend and I love him. Love you babe!

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Chapter four of Flufftober- Psych stories was partly inspired by my husband and the way he supports my powerlifting.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

New wisdom? I don’t think it’s ‘new’, but I would say ‘don’t be afraid to write something different’. you never know what might happen.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’ve got a couple of WIPs that are almost finished that I’m looking forward to getting over the line.

Other than that, I’ve got a couple of ideas that I’d like to get started on, as well as an original work.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

@emachinescat @missmultifandommessdom @r1ver-6r-6

[ceilingfan5]

do u have any advice for writing multichap fic?? i have an idea i really like but ive never written anything longer than a couple thousand words so im struggling a l'il

I'm probably not the best person to go to for advice there lol!! my longest one before sticker stars was only like 24k and I fully maintain that I was possessed when I wrote sticker stars. Holy shit. anyway my writing process is terrible and I'm a bad example, I tend not to do multiple drafts, I plan very little, I really struggle to write out of order and go back in and fill things in

honestly it's incredible I've gotten anything off the ground let alone 50+ fics in the last uhh 8? Jesus. 8 years/ 22 fics for Taz oh my god

things I did like:

having an outline is so important for not feeling incredibly lost but it doesn't have to be good, it can 100% be very silly and informal

this outline should be in another document or you'll regret ever evolving to be a vertebrate animal

you can't take it too seriously!!!

find some/at least one cheerleader to stick with you and it'll feel way more like a game than a slog. if they double as a beta you can kiss them if they would be okay with it

this will also help w the following--talk it out before you write it out! and after you write it out! during even! even if you're not talking to a friend, seriously rubber duck that shit. rant to yourself in the shower. pace through your living room. trust the process, your brain processes things differently when you hear it than when you're just thinking in your cozy and/or extremely harsh little echo chamber

this has to be at least 92% for you, like if you can't reread it and enjoy it, something needs to change. I think I'm the funniest motherfucker on the planet. it's so hard when you're worried abt what ppl think and if they'll like it, absolutely paralyzing. not that I've solved this problem. if you figure it out please tell me how to not be obsessed with what others think. maybe we can market it and make lots of money. what do you think? wait, fuck

sometimes u gotta sleep on it and look at things from another angle

consuming media will always help and isn't wasting time!!! SS happened bc i watched the proposal with my mom!

divide it up into chapters in the document and give them stupid names! and then make them headings so you can fast travel. fucking sticker stars won't load on my phone it's so big. how do people do shit like 300k fics honestly

it helps to have some kind of structure even if it only makes sense to you! for example in both SS and run away with me I alternated POVs every chapter. and theming is important! in run away with me all the chapter titles are from Carly Rae jepsen songs. and all the chapter titles for paper crowns are one word except the sex ones which are literally like "they have sex again" which is both useful and hilarious

this is going to be physically painful. but I highly recommend writing the whole damn thing and THEN posting it. it's so nice to have it all ready, and be able to go back and edit if your plans change, and also not have the potential of losing steam and having to abandon it and disappointing yourself and others hanging over your head. it's gonna be one of the most difficult things you'll ever have to do but it is so worth it.

10000% indulge yourself! not only is it more fun, but people love to read things that are full of joy. I for example go bonkers in fucking yonkers abt dialog and also stupid weird figurative language

evidence of my great planning for SS which is numbered wrong bc my original plan was in the document and got deleted as I went because I have sticky aquarium gravel for brains:

the whole document is like this but most of the rest of it is spoilers but if you wanna see it I'll totally give u access to my unfiltered pudding thoughts

I hope that helps! let's sum:

💜outline

💜joy

💜teamwork

💜patience

[joycecarolnotes]

tagged by the delightful @itsevidentvery to do this fanfic questions thing! thank u for thinking of me :)

1) how many works do you have on ao3?

27, I’ve deleted a few over the years or it’d be more

2) what is your total ao3 word count?

113,638. can’t imagine what it would be if you counted all the stuff I’ve posted on tumblr or that’s still languishing in google docs, a truly mortifying number for sure!

3) how many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

two, both tv series: Silicon Valley and now Loki

4) what are your top 5 fics by Kudos.

safe space 

riches and wonders 

managing expectations 

in the loop

how to be a knife

funny to see two of my newest fics on this list! guess that happens when you write for a show people actually watch, who knew

5) do you respond to comments?

I always try to respond even though I usually just say thank you - I cherish every comment and they leave me too happily dumbstruck to say much else!

6) what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

the angstiest thing I’ve written from beginning to end is probably pipe down which is about sexual manipulation

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

maybe never stopped? I try to write happy or at least hopeful endings most of the time (life’s hard enough as it is!) but I felt like I owed the happiest of endings to the people who read “never stopped” and to the characters themselves for waiting YEARS for me to get to it. it features a cat named charlotte bronte!

8) do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've ever written?

not quite a crossover but the hourglass project is an sv au inspired by the doctor who episode “the girl who waited” 

9) have you ever received hate on a fic?

people have, for the most part, been incredibly kind and generous with me

10) Do you write smut? What kind?

the kind that’s really character study masquerading as pornography (when I’m not feeling too shy to)

11)have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so

12) have you ever had a fic translated?

the aforementioned “the hourglass project” was translated into mandarin which was such a cool honor I’m still not over it

13) have you ever co-written a fic before.

not quite, I’m temperamental and would be hard to work with. although @itsevidentvery remember when we did those letters back and forth, from jared to richard and vice versa?! those were fun :)

14) whats your favourite ship?

jared/richard from silicon valley will always have my heart, although at the moment I am extremely taken with loki/mobius from the loki series. their dynamic and the characters themselves both feel very rich and multifaceted I can see them being a long-time fav for me

15) whats a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I do want to finish love at firstsight someday but it hasn’t been appealing lately so who knows if/when that will happen. I have a couple of things in the works rn that I’m afraid I won’t finish but really hope I do. one is this loki au in which loki accepts an offer from miss minutes to be returned to the timeline and made king and to have never done anything to hurt his family but it’s a “be careful what you wish for” type situation... it feels different from what I usually write and like it’ll be a challenge to stick with but I like the concept so much

16) What are your writing strengths.

picking emotionally intense characters to write about so that when I write the most excruciatingly Extra shit people will think it’s in character

17) what are your writing weaknesses?

frequent bouts of writers blocks and despair! I’d also like to get better at plot/pacing and keeping up momentum over longer pieces

18) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I try not to do it much because I only read/write english and who knows what google translate is making me say. I did write a sex scene in which characters communicate in morse code via hand-squeezes once (in i’m lucky i’m lucky), which is a concept I’m still enamored with

19) what was the first fandom you wrote for.

silicon valley

20) what's your favourite fic you've ever written?

oh geez I don’t know. nothing comes to mind and I’m afraid to look back at any to figure it out. but, I would like to give a little shoutout to my latest, time’s the charm (a sort of a loki/mobius soulmate au), because I don’t think people read or liked it much but I’m quite proud of how it turned out!

I genuinely don’t know who still follows me who might be interested in something like this but I will tag @malpal331 and @dancinbutterfly and anyone else who wants to ❤️

[studythenight-away]

Hey y’all! I’ve gotten a few messages asking how I use Anki to study Korean so I thought I’d make a post. I’m by no means an expert but I’ve found a way that works for me that will hopefully help some of you get started!

Things to note:

Got to do it every day

Because it’s so repetitive, whenever I do this in bed I fall asleep. Make it fun, say things out loud, and maybe sit in a chair!

Decks

It’s better not to use too many decks because at that point you’d be attempting to do Anki’s job for it. For example, if you have 10 decks and decide to study one each day, you’re essentially spacing your repetition yourself. Instead, you should study all 10 decks together and have Anki show you the cards that should be reviewed that day.

Shared Decks

I found a deck called “1000 korean simple sentences” online but honestly I’m not really a fan of them because making the cards themselves is part of the learning process. Plus, you’ll never know if there was an unintentional mistake in the cards and end up learning a word incorrectly. However, if you’re in a rush or you just need something to get you started, these are great. Some of them even come with the hanja characters, sample sentences, and audio.

My Decks

Below the shared deck you can see all my decks. I always only study with the main Korean deck. However, I like to make subdecks for each of my textbooks or different ways of studying so I know the source of a word is. Sometimes that context helps me remember a word better and also makes it easier to manage the 1300+ cards.

Settings

Some of this still makes very little sense to me, but for the most part the default settings on Anki will work just fine. Here’s a brief explanation for the four things I think are worth playing around with to find what works for you.

Steps (in minutes): This is how many minutes will pass after the first time you see the word before it graduates to the next level. So the first time you see a new word, you have the option of Hard (1 min), Good (x min), and Easy (4 days). If you press “good”, the word will pop up again in that # of minutes. If you get it right again, it graduates to a review word and you see it less frequently. The default is “1 10″ which means 10 minutes. I changed it to 120 minutes because if I’m studying 100 new words and have to review them each again within 10 minutes, it’ll take forever. This way I can review the words again later on in the day. You can also add as many steps as you want. For example: (1 10 120 480) means that you will have to mark a card as “good” four times before it becomes a review card, once as a new card, again in 10 minutes, then 2 hours, then 8 hours. *Note: don’t freak out and add too many steps because if you get the word wrong after it becomes a review word, you’ll go through the steps again!

New cards/day: I just put 9999 because I want to be able to see every new card I add to my deck the day that I add it

Graduating interval: Once you finish the steps (see #1), this is number of days before you’ll see the card again as a review card. Some people like to increase the number of days, but I think for vocab 1 day is perfectly fine. I tend to forget words that I learn by the next day anyway, so any longer of a gap might be counterproductive.

Easy interval: If you mark a card as “easy”, it’ll come up again in this number of days. I suggest you not mark cards as easy unless you really know them because more review is always better. I accidentally marked cards as “easy” way too often when I first started, and now I realized that I have cards that won’t be reviewed for 2.6 years?!? Oops. So stick to marking cards as good or hard until you feel you could delete that card from your deck and be fine.

So What’s on the Cards?

For most cards, I just do Korean on one side (dictionary form) and English on the other. It doesn’t matter which one is which because you can choose which side of the card you see first. I always see the English first and think of the Korean. But there’s other things you can include! Definitely customize for each word. You don’t need to include everything for every card if you don’t need it.

 [ ] is for those tricky 받침 changes that often changes the pronunciation.

( ) is for the conjugations that I struggle to remember. Sometimes irregular verbs, sometimes just verbs that look strange.

There are also often words that I wouldn’t know how to use in conversation if I just see on a flashcard, so for those I include one or two examples. On the left is an example of a word that doesn’t really make sense to me when I just look at the English - left undone? delayed? But the example sentences clear things up. On the right is a word whose meaning is clear but not the usage.

Final Thoughts

I really hope this helps some of you! The key is just to use Anki every day to best take advantage of its system. If you have any questions, please message me! If you’d just like a study buddy, also message me :) Happy studying!

[katzirra]

Waiting for the place to give me my file list from my hand drive recovery. Made an omelet with asparagus and bacon, and gave the boys a tiny bit for being good this morning and letting me sleep in past 8:06...

Hannibal woke me up with very loudly aggressively loving face rubs which is new, and has been demanding attention all morning by soft paw grabbing and holding my hand while cooking, also new. Usually he's very independent and wants nothing to do with us.

Still concerned with his audible breathing when he's SLIGHTLY distressed, for a cat with obvious anxiety, and when he's picked up or sitting/laying weird. It's very noticeable, and I'm wondering if it has to do with his nasal bridge being a tad flat.

Trying to manifest a good mood. I'm having a big existential crisis about being alive.

Which, I'll just throw that under a cut and pair it with an apology. 🤙✨

I feel like I have no purpose or meaning. Having a lot of those "why bother/what's the point" moments about a lot of things which...the depth of those feelings isn't just apathetic like most people experience? For me it's very much a red flag, so that's been fun. Usually it's doing something as simple as doing something nice for myself, thinking why bother, and having to ARGUE with myself why it matters. Like...having to validate EVERYTHING I do these days is exhausting. Honestly, it's been a low simmer scary JUST KEEP SWIMMING the last few months. But everything I feel is too much to talk to anyone about, and it doesn't HELP me to. It's me. It's my brain. It's scary and I don't like looking the beast directly in the face when people want me to open up. My demon, my problem, trust me when I say I'm trying and that I'm sincere when I say sorry I'm not all here or present.

I'm, like torn between wanting to message my friend first to talk about shit, but I'm also refusing because I was hurt and the comment about shit being too much to read just resonates in my brain yelling "you're not worth their time and effort, you dumb bitch!" because my brain has a FIELD day with that shit. Its.... Kicking a dead horse, repeating myself anyway probably. It hasn't seemed to stick after the last year of me apologizing monthly because I'm just a shit friend who is too busy working and trying to not kill myself. Suicide ideation is a thing, and it SUCKS when it's as invasive as it is for intruding thoughts. But I'll keep apologizing because I feel guilty for not being good enough. Present enough. Engaging enough. Because maybe that time it'll stick??

They'll probably be better off without me making them feel bad because I don't put in enough effort I guess? Which also just hurts because I know online I'm standoffish these days, so I put the extra effort into being a good host I thought and I hoped that mattered. I just feel like no matter what I'm doomed to disappoint them? So I don't mean they'd be better off in a dismissive way, it's a legit...way I think. Like I'm obviously causing distress, and yelling at me won't fix it because it makes me recoil emotionally. So maybe I'm just a bad friend in reality and it is what it is. I'm sorry so many people have fucked me up about inter personal relationships?? I don't know what to do this time because that stupid fight cut me very deep in core values in myself.

It...Fucked me up. And whether that's important to them or not, or whether it has an repercussive weight, whatever. We've both been hurt by people, and been there as much as we'd let eachother. I've tried to be crazy supportive in the last bout of shit they went through. Because I love a bitch, and they matter immensely to me, and I know I suffered alone through a LOT of things like that and know it sucks. I offered my home, attention and time any time I could give it.. Being told i don't give as much as them set weird on my heart in light of that. It hurt.

Idk...And maybe I'm just some dramatic bitch or whatever I guess. Doesn't matter. I matter, my feelings matter. I'm mentally ill and I fucking bust my ass to deal with it, AND be a loving and supportive fixture in people's lives. I suck, sure. But I'm ALWAYS there for people.

I mention I'm depressed or angry at life, sure, but the layers of distress aren't...on display? It's my shit to deal with, if I bring it up, it's for benefit of people knowing why I'm withdrawn usually. I don't talk about myself much anymore because everything is too much and I just start venting. And people don't care that deeply about how fucked up my head is. Or I over share too much. Or yeah, it's a lot to read and I start babbling because the cork is off and I HURT inside just being alive anymore. I don't feel like I'm living my life for me these days. I don't feel alive. I feel stagnant. I'm biding time for SOMETHING to happen??

Yet I'm constantly apologizing to people for not being able to do basic shit, that I'm upfront about being difficult for some dumb reason. I'm always having to explain myself to people. I am in this bubble so often of feeling like I was made wrong, a mistake, missing something important.

Or that I'm a bad person. I'm too open, too closed, withdrawn, outgoing - I can never seem to get the ratio right. And its the kind of discussion I feel leans into self pity and attention grabbing but it's...something I internally struggle with every week and keep to myself.

Oh Kat, get a psychiatrist - I dont know that it would help, honestly. I know 90% of my thoughts and fears are irrational, and pointless. But I know they have valid backing in trauma that I have mostly dealt with, and am unlearning. But I also know I see through people, can identify those markers, and understand outcomes way too easy and that ALSO makes people mad. So. What the fuck is a shrink gonna do for me? My depression is a background white noise to this stuff, and it's honestly just bullshit I deal with. I'm not keen on medication, I'm sure it would help quiet my brain, but I've been dealing with this shit almost 20 years now, ita just the added drama and bullshit from people that exacerbates the emotional brain rash, for lack of a better phrasing. My issues are all behavioral and some depression and anxiety in the mix that I manage.

For all I'm told people understand ahit wrong with me, it sure is something I repeatedly get bitched at over, honestly. And I partially get it, I also find it frustrating. But I've been battling depression since I was 12/13 and learning to stop thinking certain things only since 21, and that's the harder part. I'm not the person people think I am, I wish I was anymore. That bitch died in 2011/2012. That fissure in my foundation fucked me UP. The shaking I had one or two years ago, didn't help.

To be transparently honest the whole shitstorm two weeks ago really hit some raw nerves I'm trying to deal with, and not doing well. Because the more times that nerve is hit the more I don't feel like a valuable person and that I'm wasting people's time. But the reason I'm yelled at is that I am a valuable person, and they want more of my time in a way?? I don't know what people want from me.

Waves hand dismissively - they're being sweethearts by the back door for now.

I'm in a weird place emotionally and mentally. I don't feel alive. I don't feel real. I don't feel valid or... I don't know. Nothing I say or so actually matters in my own life or experiences. I can be an amazing person with communication and intention but it doesn't matter if the other person doesn't care, it's like arguing online.

You can have a valid discussion and someone can just say "you're a fucking moron, I'm not listening to this" and you can't do anything.

I just wasted two hours organizing my thoughts qnd emotions into a post that I'll delete in a week. What a great use of my time. I'm juat exhausted.

I turn 31 tomorrow and is rather be dead lmao. I'm so tired of the weight of being alive and aware of the world and people around me. About being considerate and kind to everyone and it's never god damn enough. I bleed myself dry emotionally for everyone and run my mental battery into the ground qnd it's never enough. It's never going to BE enough. I don't want mental.break downs and emotional roller-coasters. I want friends that understand I'm scatterbrained and severely damaged and abused and I'm TRYING. I'm sorry it's never good enough.

I'm so fucking tired these days. I just want to disappear. I want to have an actual breakdown and cry

I haven't actually cried in years. I.... Mm. I feel like.im a shell. I'm so tired. I'm trying AO hard to be a good person and functional and I'm just constantly having more dished and I'm just...what is my purpose qnd point these days. I can't even make people happy.

Tomorrow I'll turn 31. It'll be like any other day. 👍✨

[beanst0ck]

Dialogue Prompts

1. “Your hair is so soft..” 

2. “It’s too cold! Come back!”

3. “No, I’m not letting you go. It’s too early to get out of bed.”

4. “C’mere, you can sit in my lap until I’m done working.”

5. “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

6. “Shh, you’re safe. I won’t let you go.”

7. “What? does that feel good?”

8. “Just pretend to be my date.”

9. “He/She did it.” “No he/she did.”

10. “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”

11. “It’s not a double date. We’re just third and fourth wheeling.”

12. “No no–it’s alright, come here.”

13. “I’m not going to leave you. You’re never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise.”

14. “Look, I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m still worried about you. No one deserves to be alone.”

15. “If I could, I would kiss away all of your scars.”

16. “I think I might be falling in love with you.”

17. “Your lips are so soft. I could kiss them all day.”

18. “It’s not bad to cry. In fact, I think it makes a person stronger.”

19. “Mmm.. you’re warm.”

20. “You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this..”

21. “I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with..”

22. “No, you can’t get up! You’re my prisoner for today.”

23. “Shh, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream, okay? None of it was really.”

24. “You know I’m/we’re always here for you, right?”

25. “Please talk to me about it.”

26. “You have something in you hair.. um–do you want me to get it out?”

27. “I remember practicing how to ask you out in the mirror..”

28. “I would’ve had breakfast ready, but you were sleeping on my arm and I didn’t want to wake you.”

29. “I know I’ve kissed you like, ten times, but just like another ten, please.”

30. “Are you wearing my shirt?“

31. “Wanna, like–I mean, if you’re not busy.. We could get lunch? Or even just coffee if you don’t have a lot of time?”

32. “So I was driving past a pet store and couldn’t help but wonder how cute an animal would be like in our home..”

33. “Let’s just stay in bed.”

34. “We live together. You can’t blame this on anyone else.”

35. “You’re beautiful, you know that?”

36. “Shooting star. Make a wish.“ 

37. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

38. “Wow, you’re hot.“

39. “I want to marry you.”

40. “I want to take a shower so you should probably join me. It’ll save water.”

41. “You’re just not the same anymore..”

42. “It’s midnight! Where the hell were you?”

43. “What the hell is your problem?!”

44. “Why do you run away from your problems all the time?”

45. “You can’t keep it all inside, you know? Bottling it up won’t do any good.”

46. “Hey, I know you’re hurting.. but, you’re not alone, okay?”

47. “I hate you! I’m sorry it took me so damn long to realize that.”

48. “You lost your chance.”

49. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.”

50. “You can’t just lose your temper like this every time you get a bit upset!”

51. “Calm down! You’re scaring me!”

52. “Don’t look at me like that.”

53. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

54. “I’m done trying to help you!” 

55. “Sorry doesn’t fix everything.”

56. “You didn’t call. You didn’t text. Nothing.”

57. “It isn’t up for debate.”

58. “I don’t know what’s wrong, okay? I’m just… really tired.”

59. “I’m fine. Stop asking.”

60. “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong, and don’t try lying to me.”

61. “I hope someday you get a taste of your own medicine.”

62. “Pack your shit and go. Get the fuck out of my sight!”

63. “Is this how little you think of me?”

64. “I can’t do this anymore.. not with you.”

65. “Are you happy now? Huh? DOES THIS MAKE YOU HAPPY?!”

66. “You said you’d always be there for me… so how did this happened? Why weren’t you there?”

67. “Did it ever occur to you that you’re hurting me too?”

68. “I don’t need help! I just want the pain to stop!”

69. “We can be friends instead.”

70. “I tried to move on, but nobody is you.”

71. “Do I look like I’ve moved on?”

72. “I don’t remember a fight or a reason, so what happened? Why did we break up?”

73. “Can I at least buy you a coffee? For old times sake.”

74. “I can’t take the loneliness anymore.”

75. “What are you talking about? You’re married!”

76. “I feels like everyone just forgot I exist.”

77. “Maybe I’m meant to be alone.”

78. “I gave you your chance, and you just used it to stab me in the back.”

79. “I’ve been alone for so long..”

80. “But you promised..”

81. “Isn’t this, like, illegal?” “Probably.”

82. “You’re really drunk right now. I don’t think you’re gonna remember any of this.”“No, I’m not drunk at all. You’re just blurry.”

83. “I have a feeling we should kiss.”“Is that a good feeling or a bad feeling?” 

84. “Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don’t take it personally. It’s just easier.”

85. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?” “I’m not jealous.”

86. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

87. “I can’t believe you dragged me into this.”

88. “Bite me.” “Eat me.” “Kiss my ass.”

89. “You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?”

90. “You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts.”

91. “You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”

92. “I vote today be a pajama day.”

93. “It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

94.“There’s been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendship.”

95. “I saw that. You just checked me out.”

96. “Are you stupid or stupid?”

97. “How about you make me?”

98. “Do it. I dare you.”

99. “Rise and shine, motherfucker.”

100. “Well fuck me!" 

101. "Are you… Drunk?" 

102. "Walk it off." 

103. "Did you just go throw up?" 

104. "Could you turn it down? A bit? Maybe?" 

105. "Don’t drink that! I saw that guy slip something in there!" 

106. "Get out of here! This is my hiding spot!" 

107. "Quick, pretend your talking to me." 

108. "Could you hold my hand?" 

119. "You’re hiding under that blanket because you’re blushing?" 

110. "Can I kiss you?" 

111. "Quit looking at me with that stupid expression. You’re pissing me off." 

112. “ …Why? Why are you being… so nice to me? I can’t understand. I can’t understand! I just can’t understand… “ 

113. "Don’t you think you’re a little too old to be using cheesy pick up lines?" 

114. "You’re the perfect combination of sexy and cute." 

115. "You know I’ll kill him if he hurts you." 

116. "Can we please pretend I never said that?" 

117. "Forget the douche. He’s a dick. He’s a dickdouche." 

118. "You guys are yelling and I want ice cream!" 

119. "How ‘bout you stick it up your ass instead?" 

120. ”“Punched” is one word, “Fisted” is another.“ 

121. "Please! Leave me alone!" 

122. "It’s too late for you to be out by yourself." 

123. "You seem like a friendly face, mind if I sit with you?" 

124. "You made me this way." 

125. "I think about you all the time, it’s freaking annoying." 

126. "Bill Nye couldn’t even help you." 

127. "You left your shirt at my house. It’s mine now." 

128. "I just wanted to hear your voice." 

129. "I saw a shooting star and I thought of you.”

feel free to use them!

i found these prompt sentence starters in my notes but whoever posted these first deleted the link to the post so i can’t find them :(( if you know who posted these first please let me know so I could give them credit!

[cowthropologist]

I was on DeviantART like 8-10yrs ago, posting my writing.  I won a competition in a group once and got a subscription for a month.  I was so stoked.  I was like 18.  I got a lot of amazing concrit on dA, stuff that really helped me grow as a writer, as good as the crit I got back on the sfbt AOL message board back when I was in middle and high school.

But this one message someone sent me will always stick with me.  I’d been on dA for at least two years, posting my work and getting crit; I’d taken a creative writing class in college at that point I think.  Anyway this one person who I really respected messaged me one day.  You know those people whose art (writing) is a little haphazard but really good?  People who have that air of like, not putting a ton of effort into everything, but still producing things of quality.  Maybe you don’t always dig their stuff, but you feel like it has real merit, like they’re putting something out there and owning it, you know?  Like their stylistic choices and their subject matter, matter.

The message was like... 8 sentences.  I don’t have it anymore because I deleted my dA account, which I regret on like a monthly basis. But it basically said, “You are one of the most brilliant and genuine writers I’ve ever found online.  Please keep writing.”

I think about that message almost every time I write something.

All this to say, if you love someone’s art, you should tell them.  You never know what it’ll mean to them.

[neopuff]

hello, i hope you're having a good day!! i was wondering, do you have any tips for making amvs? like, what programmes you use, how you handle the timing, etc. thank you for all the fun edits you make!!

hi!! sorry for the delay in answering this, i just wanted to take the time to answer it thoroughly and i kept forgetting lol & thank you! i already typed this once and tumblr made it disappear so i apologize if anything i say comes out short ‘cause i’m just trying to remember all that i typed before lol

ok so ill just go through my general editing process in Vegas, i dont know any other program well enough to talk about it at length:

(disclaimer: this is just how i do it, i dont watch tutorials and my editing friends and i don’t watch each other edit often so i would assume that my way is very different from other ways you’ve probably seen! i might even do something in a very stupidly hard way, please feel free to tell me if theres an easier way to do anything lol)

1. Song: So skipping past the “choosing song and ship/character/show” theme, I’ll dive straight into CUTTING THE SONG! I’m not about that Editing The Entire Song life, and neither is most of the editing community anymore, so I cut it up into a shorter thing that I’m better equipped to edit to. I’m just using a random example but here I’ve taken this long ass song and turned it into this:

(the next step just kind of depends on my mood, or ill do both, doesnt matter)

2-A. Subclips: if im making a shorter video or a video where i’m not 100% super familiar with the footage, i will immediately start making subclips using the episodes ive already pulled into the project. if it’s a ship/character that i’ve edited before, i’ll just go to Import->Media from Project and import the subclips i made previously. either way, subclips are there! 

2-B. Sheets: for ships that i know very well/have a lot of footage/im concerned about potentially repeating something, i will go to Google Sheets/Excel and take the lyrics im editing to and put them in column A, separating by pauses in the singing. then i put corresponding footage i think will go well in column B! im often not super specific because i know the beats are gonna be different than i remember, so i usually stick to referencing whole scenes instead of specifics moments. here’s an example:

3. Clip placement: Then I start placing clips down! Below is how I organize my timeline tho I know a lot of editors who put the music on top, this is just how I like it. I also keep a single muted audio layer in between for the video footage’s audio and then I’ll delete that layer when I’m done (or sometimes I don’t, it doesn’t really matter)

I think it’s good to hit the beats as much as possible, it makes for a more dynamic audio-visual experience! In general I try to make my videos so that, if I didn’t add any zooms or typography or coloring, it would still be a good amv. And don’t limit yourself to just one layer, you can have as many layers as you’d like and put clips on top of each other (cookie cutter/changing the layer to dodge or add or screen or whatever) is a good way to mix things up

when I zoom in you can see I’ve got some variety already in my transitions, I know I use that motion-blur-zoom a lot these days but I still try to mix it up and keep my brain invested

4. Typography: After all the clips have been placed (or most of the clips, ofc sometimes I’ll want to add more later) I move on to typography! I’m lazy so the first thing I’ll do it just put down unedited text where I think I’ll want it to go. It just helps me organize myself. Then I’ll pretty up the text afterwards.

Typography isn’t necessary for a good AMV, but really nice typography can really spruce things up. I’ve only very recently gotten confident in my text editing skills, and I just kept watching typography done by editors I really like until I figured out what they were doing. My recommendation is to just KEEP ADDING EFFECTS! Convolution kernel, gaussian blur, mask the text so it appears from angles that the transitions wouldn’t be able to do - of course there’s gotta be a limit for taste, but just add stuff until you like how it looks. Also changing the blending style of the text layer is good, dodge and difference are my go-tos for typography layers.

5. Transitions: I don’t go crazy with transitions, but it’s fun to mess around with them. You don’t want too many crazy/different transitions, you want them to match the mood of the song and the type of beat you’re hitting. I usually ensure that all similar beats in the song have the same transition type on them, bbbbbbut that’s cuz I’m overly obsessed with parallel structure. There’s plenty of fantastic AMVs where they just go ham and do whatever types of transitions they want to in each part of the song and they make it work just fine

(next step, once again, kind of depends on my mood lol)

6-A. Zooms: Time for zooms! I usually just use the pan/crop for zooming, but often I’ll incorporate Sapphire FX BlurMoCurves or NewBlue AutoPan, especially if I’m trying to zoom typography with the footage at the same rate. I try to keep my zooms short and slower, I mean obv it just depends on the song but yeah. There’s a lot of different ways to do zooms so I recommend experimenting and just playing around with different effects

6-B. Zooms...but different: Another way that I’ll do zooms which is definitely pretty different (but this is what I do for crossovers like 95% of the time because I am laaaaaaaaaaazy) is I’ll drag the project into a new project timeline and start editing it there. It’s similar to how After Effects works and it makes it easier to put effects overtop of multiple layers without having to pre-render anything.

So you can see I’ve just pulled in the .VEG file and popped it in the timeline! So this way I can add zooms and transitions without worrying about layers. And if I see a mistake I need to fix, I can just go back into the original .VEG file and edit it, and it’ll be edited when I come back here. So it’s much easier than pre-rendering or trying to do zooms on a lot of layers. To be clear tho, this doesn’t work well if you have a lot of fade transitions, it’s best for sharp transitions and it’s great when you’re using Sapphire FX BlurMoCurves a lot.

7. Overlays: After that I’ll add more typography (or if you didn’t add any earlier, you can add some here overtop of the new project file) that kind of goes on top of everything. And then I’ll add any overlays or objects or whatever else I wanna add! I’m not someone who uses a lot of backgrounds cuz I don’t have a background-creative-brain so I stick to simple overlays at the most.

8. Coloring!!! This is very sad but I only JUST learned a few weeks ago that you can add coloring/effects to your entire video with this button here, so in case anyone else hates watching tutorials as much as I do here’s where I’m talking about:

This shit would’ve made my life so much easier throughout the years lol But alas. Anyway so for coloring there are some effects that are popular for any colorings you’ll find on YT (but you can certainly just download some, Riverdale editors in particular share a lot of really great colorings but you’ll find them anywhere in the live action editing community):

Channel Blend, Color Curves, Color Blend, Color Balance, Convolution Kernel (best for live action footage or footage that isnt very crisp), Color Corrector Secondary

These are all just fun to mess with. Channel Blend in particular is something of a mystery for me, I haven’t studied it fully to understand what I’m doing so I mostly just mess with it randomly until I like what I see lol

9. Render time! First render, anyway. Usually there’ll be some random problem in the footage or something and I’ll have to either go back into the project and fix it OR if I’m feeling particularly sour (or maybe if I’ve rendered like 3-4 times already) I will just take the finished render and manually remove any errors, stretching out the good footage to cover my tracks. You’d be surprised how often I end up doing that lol

And then it’s good to post! I primarily render as .WMV but I also go for .MP4s every once in a while. If I want to upload it to Twitter I’ll do an .MP4 but it’s a new thing for me so I’m still stuck on .WMV mostly.

Anyway I hope this answered your question at least a little bit, I can go into more detail about certain parts of this if you’d like!

[tjkiahgb]

On August 13th, 2018, at 8:20 PM, TJ Kippen performed a basketball-themed apology rap for Buffy Driscoll and completed his redemption arc. In doing so, he became a full and complete hashtag good boi and fulfilled this blog’s ridiculous destiny.

This post is scheduled to go up on August 13th, 2019, at 8:20 PM. It only feels right that I retire this blog on the one year anniversary of that moment.

Okay. It’s not that dramatic. I’m not deleting my account or logging out forever or anything. I’ll be around. I’ll check in and like some posts and hang out like the kid who graduated high school but won’t leave. He keeps coming back and acting chummy with the teachers and it’s like, doesn’t he have better stuff to do?

The point is, my queue is depleted, my drafts are empty. I don’t have a shift in fandoms planned. I don’t have anything planned. It’s time for me to turn my attention to other things and stop thinking about this show and writing about it and working on this blog.

So that’s basically the tl;dr of this whole deal. I’m going to write some rambling personal stuff so if you don’t care, which most people probably won’t, then thanks for reading and thanks for all the memories. It’s been fun.

Okay, lemme ramble. And if you’ve read this blog for a while, you’ve probably heard some of this already, but whatever, this is my goodbye post.

Way back in October of 2017, I came across a post on a website for TV news that said “Disney Channel to Feature Its First Gay Main Character in Andi Mack Season 2″. I didn’t know what Andi Mack was, and I hadn’t watched Disney Channel in well over a decade. I remembered reading about the two moms on Good Luck Charlie when it happened, but I also remembered that it was, you know, mostly nothing. A lot of controversy for what was just a quick little thing. But this headline noted that it was a Main Character. And I’m reading the article and it’s talking about how he’s going to have this journey in season two and the producers had talked to GLAAD and other groups to get it right, and I’m like, wow, this is pretty cool, this really seems like they’re putting some respect into this. (I’m also thinking about how much young, closeted me would’ve killed for something like this.)

So I set my DVR to record it not knowing what to expect. Mostly thinking it was just going to be your standard Disney Channel show: cheesy and corny and bad jokes, but I’ll catch the coming out scene and it’ll be cool to see how they handle it and that’ll probably be that.

And then I’m watching the episode and I’m like, this is... not bad? In fact, more than not bad, this is way better than it has any right to be. And then I got to the coming out scene, which was so well done, and I’m just... shocked. This is like Pixar. Like, it’s for kids, but I can watch it as an adult and pick up on themes and subtleties. This is not like the shows from my childhood. Where was this show when I was growing up?

Next thing I know I’m watching the next episode. And the next one. And I’m starting to care for these characters. I can forgive a lot of issues with plot if I care about the characters and what this show did, maybe as well as any show on television, is made you care for the characters, from top to bottom.

So now I’m watching the show regularly. At some point, I went back and binged through season one on DisneyNow. I’m in, as a casual viewer at this point at least.

And then I get to 2.11, and the swing scene happens, and I watch it wordlessly, and it ends, and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I could not believe what I just saw. I thought for sure this show was just going to have a couple of coming out scenes and that would be the end of it. Had I really just watched a scene that was hinting at a gay romance?

I wanted so badly to talk about it with someone else to see if they were seeing what I was seeing, but, as you may not be surprised to learn, none of my adult friends were watching Andi Mack. So I started looking around online. And I eventually found my way here, to this site, to the tag. And people were seeing what I was seeing. And people were excited about it, and I was like, okay, cool, I might’ve found my community.

So I started lurking around here. And I would check in after 2.12 and 2.13, and I was really starting to enjoy it. Most of the stuff I watch that I care about I’ll watch with friends or family and talk about it with them, so I never really thought being a part of a fandom would be worthwhile. Plus, I’d hear about shipping wars and other nonsense like that, and I’m like, I’m not going to make an account to argue with people over fictional characters’ relationships.

But what I was finding about this community was that it was more positive than that. There were arguments, sure. You’re going to get them in any group of people. But for the most part, people just seemed happy. They were posting theories and memes and gifs and jokes and fanfics. And they were celebrating the characters and developments. I don’t know if that’s special to the Andi Mack fandom or not, but it seemed special to me.

That’s around when I started thinking about making an account, during that hiatus between 2A and 2B. But I was like, do I want to commit to this? What’s the point of my account? What do I want to say? And at some point in the hiatus, I was checking the tag, and I saw a gifset. It was by an account, since deleted and gone, but who, at the time, was very prominent in the fandom. And the gifset was all about attacking Tyrus. It was trying to take everything nice about what had happened between TJ and Cyrus and stomp on it. Tyrus was like a little baby ship at this point. People were just starting to get into it, the numbers weren’t that big. There wasn’t even really a name for the ship back then. The Tyrus tag was mostly that professional wrestler and the CJ tag was even worse. And this account had decided they were going to use their platform to try and make this small group of people in the fandom feel bad about liking their ship. I just remember thinking, why? Why be like that? It just seemed so unnecessary. And for the briefest of moments, I thought, okay, maybe I’ll make an account to be a troll and argue this stuff. And then I was like, nah, that’s just going to make the tag worse. When you see someone trying to ruin things for other people, you can give them attention and power, or you can just do your own thing.

So what I decided to do instead was to make an account that would add to the positivity I had been seeing. To just be one of the many voices doing fun stuff to drown out the bad. I could put out dumb posts to hopefully make people laugh, or eventually start writing recaps to give people something to do after watching the episode. There wasn’t really any bigger goal than that. Kill some time while celebrating the show and making the tag a more fun place, if only incrementally.

I’d like to think I did that. That I haven’t written or made too many things that have bummed people out and that most of my posts have hopefully made things better for people who wanted to hang out on here and talk about the show.

That’s all. At the end of everything, that was all. Just try to leave a net-positive wherever you go.

So that’s why I joined tumblr. Here’s why I stayed.

I am an unemployed writer. I’m an employed something else, but I would like to be an employed writer and I am currently not. And what that really means is I’m an unread writer. It means I write stuff and I try to convince people to read it and buy it, but most of the time they don’t. Most of the time, my stuff sits around waiting and hoping to be read. And when that’s the case, you can start to feel doubt.

What I didn’t realize when I started this account was that I would also be getting positivity back. I mean, I probably should have. It was the whole reason I started this, because I liked the positivity here. I guess I just didn’t expect it to be returned to me.

But it has. It has tremendously. Just writing this silly stuff that I do and putting it out there and getting feedback on it has meant so much to me. People saying something I’ve written is funny or interesting or just saying that they enjoyed it is such a confidence boost. You feel like, okay, people like my jokes or the way I think or whatever. There’s an audience for me somewhere. People who will get me. I just need to stick with it.

That’s what you all have been for me this last year and a half. More than just making this a fun place to share our love of this show, you’ve made this a place for me to feel seen.

I try not to tie too much of my self-esteem to the amount of interaction my posts get. (Seriously, don’t do that, it can be really unhealthy. I’m like, if a post flops, it flops. No biggie. Move on to the next one.) But every note I do get on something I’ve written lets me know I’ve done something right. The reblogs, the likes, the follows, the nice messages in my inbox, the comments on the posts. Any of it. All of it. It lets me know I’ve been read. It makes me feel like I’ve made a connection. And that means the world to me.

So thank you, to any and all of you who participated in this thing with me. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being a part of my experience on here. Thank you for being so cool that I wanted to join your group in the first place and thank you for being so great afterwards that I’m eternally happy I did.

It’s meant more to me than you could possibly know.

Keep the positivity.

- Jay

[zannaleejoy-blog]

15 Tips For ACTUALLY Writing ✍🏼

Disclaimer: Some of these tips are ones I’ve come across on social media and some are from my own personal experience and research. These tips don’t necessary apply to novel writing just really for any kind of creative writing such as: comics, fan fictions, essays, scripts, etc…

Tip #1 Reward Yourself

 Working is a lot easier when you know there is something to gain from all that work. Whatever that may be. If you are someone who has an income and at least 20-100 dollars they can set aside. Pay yourself to write, for as many amount of pages, words, or scenes you write, pay yourself and use the money to buy yourself whatever it is your heart desires. And for those of you who don’t make much money instead- reward yourself with something you love to do. Maybe it’s playing video games for the rest of the day, or watching a YouTube video, or even taking a nap or just some time to yourself. Personally, I have a piggy bank that I put all spare money into and for every page I write at the end of the month I get that money. So if I write 15 pages in the whole month I’ve got 15 dollars to buy whatever it is I want, maybe more pencils or snacks!

Tip #2 Hold Yourself Accountable: 

If you are someone who gets embarrassed easily or who has a lot of guilt find a family member or friend who can make sure you are writing. For example: If you let them know your word goal everyday is 100 words have them ask you about it and be honest with both them and yourself. Heck, a friend on the Internet or posting on your favorite social media platform your success or failure can go along way to make sure you stick to your goals. I tend to post how many words I write in a day on Twitter. My followers tend to congratulate me on my success and I like to have that positive reaction daily so I stick to meeting my goals.

Tip #3 Writing is Practice:

 If you’re are scared that your writing is bad I can tell you first hand that not writing or being scared to write something bad is the worst thing you can do if you are fearful of sucking because you’re going to at least for a little while but the best part about humans is that if we were to do any one thing for days upon days we will inevitably get better at it. So if you write constantly than you are 100% guaranteed to get good. I have an old fan fiction that's been left on the Internet for years and I constantly go back to it to see my massive improvement and it excites me to think that I will continue to get even better.

Tip #4 Track Your Progress:

If you follow me on Twitter than you already know that I have a planner that has stickers for every 500 words I write in a day. I originally got this idea from Alexa Donne’s sticker method here on YouTube and have altered it slightly to fit my personal writing journey. I really like putting more stickers in my planner and it fulfills the child in me to see visually how much I’m achieving as well as I will purposely write more if I am close to receiving another sticker. Tally marks, or a spreadsheet on excel can also do wonders or anything that allows you to visually see your progress.

Tip #5 Set Low Low Word Counts: 

On days that I feel shitty I usually only expect me to hit 250 words because I know on my worst day I can achieve that- Also if I hit 250 I am only halfway to my regular word count of 500 so I strongly advise setting something stupidly achieve able. 20 words? 50 words? You can write that! So do that and when you've got the hang of it build it up. Just understand that the smaller the word count the longer it'll take to write it.

Tip #6 Writing Sprints: 

Writing Sprints are probably the only thing on this list I don’t practice mainly because time limits stress me out and I tend to work quickly anyway. However if you need that extra push or have very limited time to get some writing done than I encourage a writing sprint. 10 minutes to write 300 words? Or 20 minutes to write as much as you can. It prevents that critical side of you from coming out because like sonic you gotta go fast.

Tip #7 You’re Not Writing A Book:

 Now for my aspiring authors like myself understand that you, especially if you are on your rough draft, are a long way from publication and that's drafting is just putting words on paper, bad words, good words, little notes of incoherent babble. It’s a mess and you are the only person who will ever have to see it. It’s a story and it’s like telling one verbally you are just trying to convey the general message it’s sloppy and you’re mumbling and stumbling and repeating and backtracking. But as long there is a complete story no matter how sucky it’s still complete.

Tip #8 Quantity is 10x’s Better Than Quality: 

To add on to last point I suggest in prewriting and drafting to just put whatever the fuck comes to mind down. Especially in the prewriting phase when you are brainstorming and outlining just fit as many wild ideas as possible because in those times where nothing seems to be coming that will be your saving grace every single time. Because having too many ideas is better than none. When I was brainstorming I sat with my boyfriend when he was playing games and generated all kinds of ludicrous ideas but also came across a lot of awesome and happy accidents. You have to be brave and just dump whatever out and save it for later and dig through the trash.

Tip #9 Give Your Book Some Essence: 

Your book has a certain feel that only you know this comes from playlists for scenes, characters, and plot- you've got aesthetic boards for your characters, maybe you have vines that remind you of your characters. Find those things and jot them down, put them in a folder or document and hold them close. I have Pinterest boards for my characters and settings. I’ve got playlists, and these things fuel my writing and creativity. I understand my book and I am reminded that no one can write it like me.

Tip #10 Nothing is Set In Stone: 

Unless you are carving your book in a stone tablet or writing your book across the walls in sharpie than you can always go back, you can always fix and delete. We often rewrite from paper or go back into our word documents and mix things around. Write shit until you have the courage to fix it.

Tip #11 Write With A Person/Person(s) In Mind:

Writing for an audience is hard to envision for me, so instead I write for a person or a couple people in mind. Which falls in line with my writing, I’ve always written for people whether it be classmates, friends, or people on the Internet and soon when I write a book for everyone to read. Writing for me has always been about writing for others and getting through drafting and writing in general is trying to get reactions, laughs, and smiles out of my readers. If you write for someone who loves you then you will always feel comfort in pleasing them and that no matter what you write it doesn’t matter what others think because they will love it regardless. I often write for my boyfriend, mother, brother, and my best friend. The four people who are close to me and are guaranteed to enjoy my writing and I can guarantee that you too, have someone that will love what you write and you’ll want to please them.

Tip #12 Write For Children/ Write Silly:

If you feel like you have to write a story that needs to have complex prose and have subtleties and be nuanced which is nice and all but if you are struggling it’s okay to just write like you are writing for a young one, someone old enough to read but young enough to understand basic storytelling. And if writing once upon a time puts you in the mood to write more than all power to it. You can always delete that once upon a crap later. Just tell us the story. Hell I use to do this kind of stuff with outlining which was fucking hard for me at first when I was a hardcore pantser sometimes I would write really silly. For example, Henry eats food, and he falls dead, the village knows the food is bad, food is suspicious, main character Zora will find it out, it’s the storm the storm has ruined the food. Oh no! This is just a simple way for me to get many thoughts down and to easily expand and not feel like I need to write something perfect.

Tip #13 Write Dialogue First and Finish The Rest Later: 

It’s pretty self explanatory but you need to just get dialogue done first. When I wrote Dragon Age fan fiction this is when I first used this. It was a sure fire way for me to get words on paper because Dragon Age’s dialogue is a big part of the dragon age experience if you aren’t already aware. I usually get distracted by dialogue tags and description and slows me down significantly so write all the dialogue and figure the other stuff later.

Tip #14 Surround Yourself With Positivity: 

If you’ve got friends and family who support you like I am lucky enough to have people who support me, even if you don’t have people in your everyday life who support you then it’s a good idea to join a writing community whether it be on discord, Instagram, Twitter, whatever find your writer friends and hold them close because having some friends to cheer you on, support you, and fall back on does all the good.

Tip #15 Character and Setting Visual Stimuli: 

Because I am horrible with description of people and setting I found that have pictures of my characters and settings is the easiest way to describe when I can see it somewhere other than in my head. I strongly suggest utilizing this because you also add on your own little things if the picture doesn’t fit entirely.

[azariaspace]

Goals Assessment

An assessment of these posts and their feasibility and achievement or lack thereof so far as I’ve moved on campus and tomorrow’s the last day before school starts.

It’s under a read more for good reason (it is hecka long), but I really want my friends (and anyone!) to read it and see how much I’ve grown.

18 Goals for 2018

1. Pass all my classes (interim, spring freshman, and fall semester).  I want to say with As, but a) interim is just pass/fail and b) that doesn’t really matter.  Also, learn to study.

So, yikes, I didn’t do that.  I didn’t do the thing with all A’s and I didn’t do the thing with the simply passing, either.  But I failed two last fall and I failed one in the spring, so we’re doing better, and I’m retaking the two I failed in the fall this fall, so we’re atoning.  I also think I know how to pass them.  I really know how to study.

2. Get a job during interim, get a sustainable job for during the semester, and get a real job for during the summer.

I didn’t get a job during interim (well, I acquired one then, but I didn’t start it then), but I did get one during the semester!  I don’t know what I meant by “real job”, but I worked at a church in the summer.  I’m also working as a props master this year, which is a theatre and a management job, so it’s fun and real?

3. Become my floor’s Barnabas (the position that leads the spiritual development of the floor – something I would apply for and get in interim/early second semester freshman year and start as a sophomore).

Yes!  Did it.  Crushed it.  Just finished training.

4. Become an RA (something I would apply for… again… as a sophomore in the fall, even if I wouldn’t start working until 2019).

Haven’t yet had the chance to try, but I’ve already been asked about it.

5. Learn to drive and have a car on campus.

Nope, but I did start learning!

6. Have more than $1,000 in checking and savings.  Be fiscally responsible. Also, tithe.

2 outta 3 ain’t bad?  I have more than $1,000 in each, and I’m fiscally responsible.  I don’t tithe, but I’ve started a program to get there.

7. Go camping, or at least hammock often.  Also, get more plants.

Got more plants and I’ve got a hammock which I’ve used a bit.

8. Be a minimalist, both on-campus and at home.  And be an environmentally-responsible minimalist.

I got rid of a lot of stuff, but I don’t think I’m a minimalist yet.

9. Deepen my personal spiritual faith.

Jesus and I had a bit of a time.  But we’re working on it.

10. Become a full-fledged vegetarian.  Hop off the pescatarian train.

Crushed it.  Haven’t eaten meat since the first of the year.

11.  Sleep at a reasonable hour.

Lol.

12. Do CTC again, but only when it’s helpful and feasible.  (So definitely interim and spring, but maybe not fall – and if not, that’s okay.)

I LITERALLY JUST SWITCHED FROM TAKING IT FOR CREDIT TO AUDITING IT I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF TURN UP.  I still get the community without the stress.

13. Make sure my FYP (four-year-plan) is realistic, because I should have to take more classes than I have to.  Also look into auditing psych classes, or maybe just… take them.

I haven’t looked at it in forever oops.

14. Start serving at the church I’m going to.  Also, be serious about my attendance there.

I didn’t go back to that church and didn’t start serving the church I then went to.  Then I worked at a church, but got paid for it, so this is a fail.

15. Be serious about my meals.  If I’m on the 21 meal plan, use all 21.  Evaluate whether 15 is realistic.  Learn to cook.

This is half a no, but I can’t fix it because now I’m on unlimited meals.  I did learn how to cook though!

16. Sleep more and at decent times. And work on other things, like washing your face and using lotion so your hands aren’t dry.  I need to take care of myself.  And that includes seeing a therapist on-campus, because mental health is important, too, and my mind is nebulously… not right.  I’m not equipped to go beyond that, but, if nothing else, I can talk about stuff from my past.

I think the sleep on is a no.  Washing face is a soft maybe.  Lotion is a no.  It’s true that I need to take care of myself.  I saw a therapist thrice and then... stopped.

17. Read more for fun.

I didn’t during the semester, but I did over the summer!

18. Make an Instagram (the one I have now is garbage and is gonna be deleted probably) and take a picture every day.  Learn to appreciate life.  Write a caption – or don’t – but know that what you see is beautiful and a privilege.  The life I am living is beautiful, and even if not every moment is, I am in love with it.  I want to share that.

I remade the Instagram and set the goal, but I didn’t stick with it.  But I think I really did shift how I viewed life, which is the biggest goal of all.

Things I Want to Do This School Year:

-24-Hour Theatre

I really want to do it.  It’s one weekend, and I can spare myself for that long.  It won’t fall on a show weekend (because it’s done by the same people), and it’s not on a mandatory Barnabas day (I can skip anything that might fall on the same weekend).  It’s something I really want.

-fully prop three shows

It’s my job.  I have to.

-ASM a show

Again, it’s my job.  I have to.  But I really want to do it well.

-help the rogue production of AaOL (set designer? Stage manager? Whatever they need)

I think I’m going to have to let this one go.  Arsenic and Old Lace, if it happens at Calvin, will be beautiful, and it will be beautiful without me.  I don’t have the time for two shows at once, let alone two shows and whatever else I do at once.

-host a Seder and cook for it

I want to do this as part of my job as Barnabas, as a gift to my floor, and as an honoring of my ancestry and an expression of where my faith meets my heritage.  Food brings people together like nothing else, and while many people will go home for Easter, many people won’t, and this is a way they can have something special.

-play my uke well

I thought it would be necessary for Dorm Worship, but it won’t be.  We’ll see if it happens.

-bake bread once a week

The quick, simple bread!  Barnabread will be a much rarer commitment.

-write the first draft of a full-length play

I want to work on it if nothing else.

-help lead a club

It’s something I’ve committed to and I want to do it well.

-help rewrite the lgbt dorm workshop

I think I’m going to have to let this one go.  It’s a lot of work I don’t have time for.

-organize and catalog all our props

It’s a bonus part of Props Master I put on myself that I want to see started if not finished.

-make a movie

I think it’ll have to go on the backburner, if not nixed.

-get As in every class

I want it.  My GPA needs it.  Some other goals need it.

-get us gender neutral housing

I really, really want to help with this.

-get the job of ra for next year

I don’t know why this is always on my heart and mind but it is.

-get a theatre summer job

maybe with my current boss

-cold knight plunge

enough said

-get on the Israel trip for next year

I want it

-fuckin learn how to drive and get my license

I want it! (maybe with less swearing tho)

-get in a relationship

If it happens that would be lovely, but bruh I don’t even know if I have time for a relationship.

-clean and be neat

*looks at my desk* hmm wouldn’t it be nice

-sleep eight hours every night

I really want to try!

-do devotions every day

It’s in my schedule!  I really want to try!

-vote

Yes please I need to file for a mail-in ballot

-maybe try therapy again

... we’ll see

-love with reckless abandon

YES PLEASE THIS IS MY WHOLE LIFE RIGHT HERE

Blog about gripes I have with the way my school treats queer students

Mmm yes.  But also no pressure to do so.  Only when it’s useful for me.

Steal and implement the 95 stories project from Hope College

That’s a lot of work.  I want someone else to spearhead it and to be a part of it.

Make a zine about queer student experiences

See above.

Get to a reasonable weight

!!!

Pursue minimalism

Slowly but surely

Read for fun

... Didn’t I see this before?  I feel like it’s healthy and important.

YouTube video at least once a month

I feel like that’s a reasonable goal.

So many deep chats

I’ve already had one with a first-year and like three with my returning friends.

watch my friend finish playing undertale

It’s up to her.

Be on a church council

I’ve committed!  It’s happening.

Choreograph something

It’s for a class lol.  There’s no backing out.  But also I’m so, so excited.

[cloudhunter25]

Descargar Gta 5 Mac Epic Games

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Until 2 years ago, I used to be a PC person. I had a giant tower desktop computer with fans with flashing lights. I replaced that with a maxed-out MacBook Pro so that I could start traveling and work from anywhere. The problem is, since then I’ve missed PC gaming. All that startup stuff gets so incredibly boring after awhile, and we need to destress. Why even leave your computer screen to destress when you can do it ON YOUR COMPUTER? YES! YES! FREEDOM OF REALITY!

So let’s browse the games in Apple’s App Store, well, they’re not so great. It’s kind of the iOS type stuff but then for OSX. Pretty very very shit.

But that’s stupid, because the MacBook Pro 15″ has two graphic cards, and they’re actually pretty powerful. And the MacBook Pro 13″ and MacBook Air have on-board graphic cards, but they’re fine to play PC games from a few years ago (like Skyrim). So it’s a bit of a shame, we can’t play games on it. And well, destress.

How about GTA V? It’s come out for PC a few months ago, so I wanted to see if I could get it working on my MacBook Pro. I was pretty sure I couldn’t, but I still wanted to try. I mean I’ve been wanting to play this for years, but never had a device for it. I mean, YOU NEED TO PLAY THIS, RIGHT?

I know you can run Windows on Mac with Parallels. But it’s a virtualization app, so it’d never run it with any high performance as the graphics drivers are virtual (software emulated) and not native (hardware). Try it with any game, it’ll probably crash even before playing it, or it’ll be extremely slow.

But then there’s Boot Camp, which lets you run Windows natively (without virtualization) and with high performance on your Mac. After it’s installed you’ll have to reboot to switch to Windows, but that only takes half a minute each time.

**Since Apple doesn’t like Windows, it makes it REALLY EXTRA SUPER hard to get Boot Camp to work. Obviously cause they hate Windows and never want you to use it. I get it. But that means it’s full of stupid bugs that you have to figure out yourself how to fix. It took me 10 days. Yes. 10 days of tears. Maybe that’s why I don’t know anybody using Boot Camp. So to save you all the PAIN and time, here is my tutorial with all the tricks to get it working. **

What you’ll need

16GB USB stick (not an SD card!), I tried a 8GB one as Apple recommends it, but it wasn’t big enough, yup WHATEVER!

Windows 8 ISO file, in a perfect world you’d buy this from Microsoft, but they make it really hard and want to ship you a physical CD (what the fuck, it’s 2015, let me buy an ISO), so just find an ISO file of Windows somewhere (okay fine, Microsoft, I guess you don’t WANT my money)

Steam account to buy GTA V PC (it’s about $50 I think, worth it because you can play it online if you buy it legally)

Prepare Boot Camp

First search for Boot Camp Assistant on your Mac. Click Continue and you’ll see this:

If this is your first time, select ALL boxes. The first one makes your USB stick loaded with Windows and OSX’s boot camp loader, the second one is the Boot Camp drivers it adds, the third one sounds weird but means it’ll partition your drive to set up Windows.

So now click Continue:

Select your Windows ISO file and continue.

It’ll take some time to copy the Windows ISO to your USB stick, and then download the drivers from Apple that are compatible to your Windows version.

When it finishes, you’ll see this partition window. This means it’ll divide your hard drive up in two pieces, one drive for Windows, one for Mac’s OSX. Here it gets really dodgy, because it actually doesn’t work properly EVER.

You need to choose how big your Windows drive should be. To calculate the size: Windows needs about 20 GB to function, then you need some space for your game. GTA V takes 65 GB, so that is 65+20=85 GB. To make it performant I rounded it up to 100 GB. But it depends on how big your games are etc. Skyrim e.g. is less than 10 GB. So you’d need only 30 to 40 GB probably.

But then it doesn’t work

The reason I said this is dodgy is because it’ll probably fail. You’ll see this amazingly descript error probably like me and my friends did:

It took me days to figure out how to fix it. But it comes down to this: (1) free up space on your drive and (2) if it has disk errors or not. Aim to get about 50% free space. For me that was insane because I have a 1TB drive, with 100 GB free, so I had to free up another 400 GB. It helps to just put stuff on an external hard drive while you’re setting up Boot Camp, you can put it back after.

The non-blue stuff on Macintosh HD is my free space, not enough obviously. Make sure you get about 50% free space on your drive. So if you have 256 GB drive, get 125 GB free. At 500 GB, 250 GB free. At 1 TB, 500 GB free. You get it.

Now fix those errors

Even after clearing all that space, Boot Camp will probably still whine and fail again, like it did for me.

That’s because it’ll run into some weird errors on your drive. Those weird errors are because off, well, I have no fucking clue. But they’re there. How to fix this? Well you open Disk Utility.

Click “Verify Disk” and it’ll check your disk. This might take awhile. I got this crazy scary error. If you didn’t get that and it’s verified, then just skip this part.

I was like “wait WHAT? NO!”. My SSD drive was broken? Why did nobody tell me! I rebooted into Recovery Mode (reboot and hold CMD+R). There I opened Disk Utility in there to verify my disk. If your disk is encrypted like mine, you need to unlock it first by right-clicking the disk, selecting Unlock and entering your password.

Then I verified it again, repaired everything and it worked fine. There were no errors. Odd right? Who cares! Because after this it worked. I rebooted into normal OSX mode and started Boot Camp Assistant again. This time I only selected the last checkbox:

Let’s try again

There we go, partition it:

After partitioning, Boot Camp Assistant automatically restarts. And then BAM!

Now Windows doesn’t like our partitions

Yay! It’s Windows! On a Mac! Don’t celebrate too early, because this is where hell starts.

See what that says? “Windows cannot be installed to Disk 0 Partition 3”. Wait WHAT? WHY! Boot Camp was supposed to fix this shit, right? I was supposed to not do anything and Boot Camp would put all the files in the right place, to make it work on Mac, right?

NOPE!

Then you press Format on that partition. And it seems to work but no it doesn’t because it says:

“The selected disk of the GPT partition style”

COME ON!

What does it take for a (wo)man to get a Windows around here?

Well, a lot. After hours of Googling, I figured it out.

You need to reboot back into OSX. Exit the installation. Then hold ALT/OPTION and select Macintosh HD to boot to. Then go back to Disk Utility:

Select your BOOTCAMP partition and go to the Erase tab, then under Format select ExFAT and click Erase. Make sure you’re erasing the correct partition (BOOTCAMP not Macintosh HD).

After that reboot your MacBook into Windows by rebooting and holding the ALT/OPTION key and selecting your USB stick (I think it’s called EFI). It’ll load the Windows install again.

Try selecting the BOOTCAMP partition in the Windows installation again, you can recognize it by the size you made it. For me that was 100 GB (it showed as I think 86 GB). If it still gives an error, go last resort. Remove the BOOTCAMP partition within the Windows installation by clicking Delete.

Then add a new partition by clicking New:

Try installing it on that partition. If that still doesn’t work, you’re out of luck, cause I have no idea either.

And then…it works

You’ll see this.

The problem is that there’s a good chance the Boot Camp drivers for Windows to understand your MacBook (e.g. use WiFi, sound, etc.) aren’t installed. Luckily they’re on your USB stick. In the Start Screen go to search and type File Explorer. Then try to fin your USB stick. Open the Boot Camp folder and find an Install app, open it and let it run. It’ll probably reboot.

Now with all your drivers installed, most of the stuff on your MacBook will work on Windows now. My friend has some problems with the Bluetooth keyboard, but that was an unofficial keyboard. My Apple one worked perfectly. As did my Logitech wireless mouse.

Now let’s make Windows suck less

Okay, so Windows 8 is obviously the worst interface any person has come across. Like Windows 8 itself actually feels pretty solid, if you get out of that insane box square maze mayhem they call the Start Menu now. It’s insane. Who runs this company? So incredibly stupid to do this. My dad just switched to OSX because he couldn’t understand this Start Screen. Biggest fail of the century.

We have no choice though. We want to play games! So to get your start menu (from old times) back, install Classic Shell.

Then set this image as the start button in preferences:

Yay! Now to disable that stupid Start Screen, right-click on the Task Bar, then click Properties, then click the Navigation tab, then check “When I sign in or close all apps on a screen, go to the desktop instead of Start”, uncheck “When I point to the upper-right corner, show the charms”.

Now install Steam

I’ll let you do this as it’s pretty easy. Go to Steam and the top right click Install Steam.

Then search for GTA V. Click Download.

Here’s the problem, GTA V is 65 GB and that will take awhile. You obviously don’t want to be stuck for hours in Windows. The trick here is to install Parallels in OSX (if you haven’t already). Reboot to OSX (hold ALT/OPTION and select Macintosh HD) and set Parallels up so it uses the Boot Camp partition. Open Parallels, select Boot Camp on the right and follow the instructions:

After installing, try playing GTA V. Customize the graphic settings a bit. You can’t play it on super high settings, but you can go pretty far on a MacBook Pro 15″. Like I said, it has an actually really powerful graphics card, so it can run GTA V fine.

Yay!

Now you can use your Boot Camp partition within OSX with Parallels to download games/software and continue working. Then when it’s finished, reboot to Windows and play your PC games.

It took me awhile to get back into playing games when I did all of this. I mean, it’s like it has to compete with reality, which is already insane for me, and so GTA V felt somewhat “fake” to me for days, until I accepted it was a game, and nothing I did in there would be an actual accomplishment. See, that’s what startup life psychology does to you. And on a serious note, that’s why we should all play more games. Because it helps you get out of your filter bubble.

Going outside to walk your dog? Naaaaaah, why would you! There’s GTA V!

P.S. I wrote a book on building indie startups called MAKE. And I'm on Twitter too if you'd like to follow more of my stories. I don't use email so tweet me your questions. Or you can see my list of posts. To get an alert when I write a new blog post, you can subscribe below:

Furthermore, the version of the game that is put up for free is the GTA 5’s Premium Edition – this includes the full storyline from the game plus Grand Theft Auto Online in addition to all currently existing in-game upgrades and bonus content. To top it all, users would also get the “Criminal Enterprise Starter Pack” that comes with even more content as well as 1,000,000 $ bonus in-game money for online play.

All you need in order to grab the GTA V for free is a working PC or Mac (of course, one that could run this rather resource-intensive game), an Epic Games Launcher, and an Epic Games account. However, one thing we must note here is that users would have to have enabled two-factor authentication on their accounts in order to be permitted to get the game for free.

Can you run GTA V on Mac?

The short answer is yes. If you have already set up you Mac to play PC games then just go ahead and take advantage of the Full free Version of GTA V. If not, you will need to install Boot Camp, create a virtual Machine and afterwards install the game.

How to play gta v on mac without bootcamp?

Performance wise it would be unpractical using other methods. The performance decrease would make the game unplayable. However if you are using one of the latest high performance macs on the market you can give Wineskin a shot. Setting up a Virtual machine would make much sense either.

Install GTA 5 on Mac with bootcamp

Before attempting to install boot camp we recommend checking your macs specifications and cross referencing them with those recommend to run GTA 5. Next, you will need a program called Boot Camp. With Boot Camp, you can install a version of Windows 10 which is compatible with GTA 5. Here are the steps for installing Windows 10 on a Mac using Boot Camp:

Download Windows 10 ISO onto your mac

Configure Boot Camp Assistant

Go to Finder > Applications > Utilities > Boot Camp Assistant

Open the program and click continue

Select the Windows 10 ISO

Choose somewhere around 100GB of space

Install the Windows 10 ISO and configure Windows

Install recommended drivers after booting up the Windows partition

If you are running Mac OS Cataline 10.15 we recommend watching this YouTube video to make sure you are not missing out on any of the steps.

Playing GTA V on Mac

Although ac computers aren’t specifically designed as gaming machines, it is still possible to play games in them. However, if you want to run GTA V on a Mac, you will first need to install Windows 7 or higher. We highly recommend installing windows 10 on your Mac even with the latest version of Mac OS 10.15.5 via something called Windows Boot Camp (official instructions from Apple on how to set this up) using the instructions above. Also, note that, in order to run the game on your Mac, you will also need at least 65 GB of free space and your machine would have to meet/exceed the minimum system requirements for the game.

Downloading GTA V for mac

Please remember to download the game on the windows version via Boot Camp. The Epic game launcher itself is not compatible with Mac OS.

Gta 5 Mac Free Download

Recommended Specs To run GTA V On Mac

Processor

Intel Core i5 3470 @ 3.2GHZ (4 CPUs) / AMD X8 FX-8350 @ 4GHZ (8 CPUs)

Memory

8 GB RAM

Video Card

NVIDIA GTX 660 2GB / AMD HD7870 2GB

HDD

Space90 GB available space

Use Geforce Now to play GTA on Mac

A number of users on the Geforce forums have been reporting that Grand Theft Auto 5 has been removed from the NVIDIA Geforce Now library of games. Many people used to play GTA on Geforce Now but the game isn’t available anymore. Initially, the rumors were that the reason for the game’s take-down was an update or some problem with the contract, but it seems that Rockstar has got a deal with Google for Stadia and Geforce Now yanked GTA because of that.

Use Stadia to play GTA on Mac

The good news is that the fans of Grand Theft Auto 5 might be able to see it arriving soon in Stadia Edition. A Rockstar Mag tweet indicated that the game can be released earlier than expected. According to the leak, players using Google Stadia seem to be shortly able to enjoy the game. However, the tweet did not have a source or any timeline for the game’s release. That’s why many fans already anticipate an update that will reveal when they should be able to play the ported title.

Descargar Gta 5 Mac Epic Games To Play

At the moment, the game persists in gaming charts, and, hence, bringing it to more playing platforms is financially meaningful for all interested parties.

Grand Theft Auto 5 also gives fans a lot of content and the players in Stadia would surely enjoy the well-regarded title in their gaming collection. It remains to be seen if this game would contribute to improving Stadia’s revenue, although this depends a lot on the continuing success and popularity of GTA 5.

Grand Theft Auto 5 can currently be played on PCs, PlayStation 4, and Xbox One, with PlayStation 5 and the Xbox Series X scheduled to be launched in late 2021.

Running GTA on Apple silicon

For the time being m1 chips cannot run windows with Boot Camp. The fundamental reason is that the two operating systems now run on totally different architecture. Where as intel chips on Mac were capable of running Windows 10 this would be nearly impossible to achieve with all new Macs with apple silicon

Massive Epic Game Store crash due to a traffic spikeon release date

Descargar Gta 5 Mac Epic Games To Play

As soon as Epic Games Store’s official Twitter account announced that the game they will be made available for free would indeed be GTA V, understandably, a huge number of users seem to have rushed to the Store in anticipation of the free release of the title. This, however, seems to have caused a massive crash on the Epic Games servers that lasted for hours. The Epic Games team addressed this issue on their Twitter page, expressing their apologies and assuring their customers that they are working on resolving the issue. At the moment of writing this post, the server problems at Epic Games Store seem to have been resolved and people could now once again log in with their accounts and claim the Premium Edition of the acclaimed Rockstar game.

This is not the first time Epic Games Store has made such free game giveaways. Ever since the store was launched in December 2018, they have been occasionally making games free for a temporary amount of time and according to a statement from the company made in January, they intend to keep doing throughout the whole 2020.

[justalittlemango]

Hmmm

So uh... I haven't posted on this Tumblr for a while. A few months by the looks of it? That last post was the beginning of this year. And now it's 20th August 2021.

So what happened? Also ugh the formatting on this site. Welp, my last post seemed to be a lot about my now-ex. I'll call him Tit as I think that's an appropriate name. So yeah, he did come back sometime after I wrote that post. He came back. He seemed to have been feeling better. It was nice to see him happy and things pretty much went back to how they were before, even better if anything. Sadly that was only temporary! Well, I say sadly. Sad at the time. I don't care these days.

Something happened, he lost it over me doing literally nothing. I knew he had problems with my mental health but I don't like to be accused of all sorts when all I try to do is help. I knew at that time, that was the calling point. Cutting off ties. Because my health both mentally and physically could not deal with everything he was putting me through. I cut him off. It felt sad but I knew I had to do it. And fast forward six months later, there's been no contact between us. Thank god.

So.. that was always fun.. I lost my friends who I had met through Tit. I knew that was coming as well. I can still be mad over that, but at the end of the day, who's side are they going to stick by? Mine (someone they've only known for a few months) or his (someone they adore and known for years even.) I guess the outcome here was kind of obvious. I wish I could say I didn't care it happened, but it did hurt me. When I was already going through so much hurt just seeing that was not nice. Thankfully I was never confronted before it happened, I was just swiftly deleted/unfriended/removed and that's that.

That was the second time in a 7/8 month span that I lost friends because of these love problems. So all in all? I'm pretty fucking tired of that happening lol. Anyway, these people are irrelevant now and no longer play a part in my life. So I just need to forget about them.

So did things get any better? Yes! I met someone new. My Dommy. I joined this server in attempt to make some friends and play games with (since the friends I once did that with departed..) so I thought I'd shoot my shot there. It started off okay, I was making friends and it was fun. I met Dommy in there. There was something that caught my eye about him when I would see him chatting and stuff. We spoke to each other through DMs for a bit and played games together. It was so much fun. And the more I got to know about him the more I was like ... My god ... Because I knew I was going to catch feelings for him. Everything he was telling me about himself just made the feelings grow more and more. Like he just kept ticking my boxes in what I seek in a partner.

At first I didn't wanna catch feelings, mostly due to the fact he's 18, and I was 23 (now I'm 24 so yay). I felt the age gap would've been too weird and I wouldn't usually consider anyone that's under 21 to be a potential partner. But god it was so hard to think like that when the more I learnt about him, the more these feelings kept growing. He just knew exactly what to say. His personality and everything. He's so fun and kind. So wholesome. Positive. I find him so relatable too. I definitely didn't expect this for someone who is quite frankly, fresh into adulthood. But here we are!

Heh, let's just say I tried to dim my feelings down. And it definitely didn't work. And I remember thinking at first like, oh god he wouldn't want feelings for me I'm like 5 years older than him LOLLL. But boy was I wrong! About a month after chatting and playing games together (quite frequently too) - he told me he had a crush on me. And I remember how great that felt. It felt so... fucking... amazing. To read everything he said to me. I really didn't think he'd feel that way.. I had my suspicions on somethings but they were more just me being overly hopeful. And of course, I had to tell him I crushed him back. I had the same feelings. And ever since then it just continually grows.

26th May we decided to become long distance boyfriends. We both felt ready for it. Every day and night I got to spend with him on voice chat was SO enjoyable. It was so much fun. The love kept continuing to grow and grow. The more he told me about himself, the more he truly sounded like my perfect man. My soul mate even! And he felt the same way about it all. And now we're so clingy and romantic for each other all the time and I LOVE IT!!

Fast forward to August. We still here. We hope to meet up soon. We surround ourselves with such positive romantic energy. Inspiring each other to be our best selves. Heck, we both got jobs just so we can buy stuff for each other and visit frequently. And that's where we're at. We're awaiting the day for when we meet.

I'm so grateful for him. He changed my life around. I hit rock bottom and he full on dragged me out. Showed me that I can still love. Supported me through everything. Even with everything that happened after my ex. He was there. And still today, with everything I went through.. he had my back.

I love him so much. With everything I have. To the end of days. I've never met ANYONE like him. My past relationships don't even come close to what he and I have. And the crazy thing? He feels the same.. this is just magical. See, it would be TOO good if we were living in the same country. But alas, I am UK, he is US.. a few thousand miles away. But you know what? I'm making it my goal that we'll live together. We talk about having a family, living together, going on so many dates and just doing everything together.

It's my goal. Ultimate. Life goal. I don't want to die without being able to hold him in my arms. And very soon I hope, I will be able to hold him, watch him fall asleep in my arms and whisper "I love you" right in his ear. I 100% trust him. I've never been able to fully trust anyone in my life before. Not my previous partners or anything. But my Dommy? I trust him with my life.

But are there any issues?

Nope. Not really. Sometimes I still feel a lil weird about the age gap. I'll be meeting my boyfriend who's 18, as a 24 year old.. doing lovey things lol. Sometimes I worry about what others think about that, mostly his family. My family know about it and they think it's fine, as with my friends. I hope his family are the same! I mean, it's only 5 year difference. It's not that much at all. I just overthink it and it's a ridiculous thing to overthink! Because he is my soulmate. If anybody has a problem with it, then they'll have to deal with it. Cause I ain't going anywhere. And neither is he 😏 actually I think he'd get more sassy at them than I would!

But yeah. Uh. Anything else? Not really. He's a busy lad but I love that for him. He does so much for his family. He can do so much. Working, driving, going to college.. I'm so proud of him! And I think from what I know from his childhood, he deserves to have all these nice times with his family. So no, there are no issues between us. We have never even argued yet! And I couldn't imagine arguing with him.

So I hope next time I write here.. I'd have met him in person. And experience that. It would be the best day of my life.

____

Anyway! How am I? I'm fine right now. I'm struggling a bit because I have no money left. Kinda annoyed I spent my travel moneys on myself (because I had to.) I hope that issue will be sorted next month when I get my student loan, and hopefully this job that I interviewed for yesterday! Interview lasted over an hour and I'm only competing against one other person. So.. if I get that.. the money gonna be sweet. And you already know I'll be investing in travelling to see my Dommy!

But I also want to try to do my driving lessons. Get my own groceries again and my weight gain stuff because my body is far too skinny! I want to try and get a gym membership too while I'm at it. I say all this, but where the heck am I gonna find the time to do all this? Especially as a full time student! But I think we got this. Driving lessons aren't urgent, and even so they wouldn't take long if I do lessons in an auto. Since I've driven before. So maybe I'll only need 10 lessons.

I want to go the gym and build my body a little bit. Look a bit more in shape for when I see my boy hehehe.

So yeah, lack of money is my main issue here. I can't afford to go out and get my own food and supplements. So until I get my moneys, my mood is going to be patchy. It'll be worth the wait though if things go all out to plan.

Anything else on my mind? Well.. being back here in B'ham! I don't particularly feel safe here. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to be back with my parents. And not have to pay rent on a student house.. but that does come with some negatives... Quite a few negatives. These being.. lack of privacy, not being able to make a lot of noise late at night, not feeling safe in the city, issues with bathroom/showers, and the god forsaken slow internet.

Positives though? Being with my parents, in the big city where everything is, good stores and nightlife. Few friends are here. Though not too many I'm interested in seeing. Lol. I guess I'm in the middle of everything too so if I wanted to travel out of city to see someone , I have the option to do so.

So.. yeah! A lot more good than bad going on right now and thank god. Because how this year started was awful. It was literally the hardest time of my life to get through it. And everything that happened in the summer, I'm so grateful for. And my Dommy. I'm so happy he came into my life. I feel honoured and blessed to be in a relationship with him.

I hope things go to plan. I'm in my last year of university, and will be graduating next year. So that should be exciting! And then I have plans to study at BCU next year to do a master degree in UX! Which is exactly the kind of thing I want to get into! So that's a good two years of a steady income from student finance, and hopefully this part time job! So fingers crossed these plans will work out.

Those are my goals that I see in the distance. Travel to see my boyfriend, graduate and get onto that post-grad course! My short term goals. Oh and also get a part time job. Lol. My long term goals is to honestly.. immigrate to the US. I know it sounds wild. But it's what I want. I need to be with my boyfriend. Start a life with him. And spend the rest of my life with my Dommy. I don't know when I'd ever be able to live with him.. but let's just say you need to have a strong background to be accepted as a US citizen. But with the plans I got...it should work! Having a master's degree and hopefully someone will hire a UX designer from the US and sponsor me! With some luck.

How long do I think that would take? Probably sometime within the next 5 years.. I hope. If I'm lucky! And interesting to think, in 5 years I'm 28, and my boyfriend will be 23! Which I think is the perfect time in both our lives to find a place together to live and be happy.

I feel with that, being away from my parents via long distance is going to be VERY difficult. But I'd try my best to visit them for a month or so. And of course, I still want to support them even if I am living abroad.

Ok. Here is the end of the post. I hope I don't look back at this in a few months and laugh. I know not all of this will work out, but I hope most of it will! So yeah, here's to the future! To good health, happyness, and my boyfriend of course ;)

-mangiiii

[trentteti]

C'Mon LSAC, You Can’t Be Serious With This …

The Law School Admission Council — AKA LSAC, the folks who write and administer the LSAT — just posted the deadlines to register for the September LSAT. Normally, this isn’t newsworthy. Especially when we’re still focusing on all of our students taking the forthcoming June and July LSATs. But we’ve actually been waiting on this news with baited breath, over here at Blueprint.

Is that because we’re total nerds who are way too obsessed with the vicissitudes of this exam? Perhaps — in a deep-seated-I’m-not-ready-to-acknowledge-or-publically-admit-this-kind-of-way. But the reason I’ll give you right now is a bit different. Since LSAC announced that there would be a July LSAT in 2018 for the first time, we — after the shock of a new LSAT subsided — realized that this new test might present a bit of a scheduling challenge to test takers.

You see, LSAC usually makes the deadline to sign up for an LSAT about five weeks before the date of the exam. They used to have a more expensive “late registration” deadline a week after, but they got rid of that this year. Anyway, if LSAC made the registration deadline to sign up for the September 2018 LSAT the usual five weeks prior to the test, that deadline would fall on the same week as the brand new July 2018 exam. So as we waited for LSAC to release the registration deadlines for the September tests, we wondered if they’d move the deadline a week back. To give July test takers who decided they wanted to take another bite at the apple and sign up for the September LSAT the time and opportunity to do so.

I mean, we thought this was a reasonable assumption. After all, last year LSAC removed the cap on the number of times people can take the LSAT, so clearly they’ve thought about this and want to encourage people to take the test more than once. And LSAC CEO Kellye Testy is out here, just this week, offering quotes like, “I want our organization to be the one to not only open those doors [to a legal education], but reaches out to help people through them. That’s my main goal: to position us as prospective students’ best friend.” So we figured that LSAC would make a student-friendly decision and put the deadline to register for the September LSAT at least a few days after the July LSAT, probably even a week after.

Boy, were we wrong.

LSAC announced that the deadline to sign up for the September LSAT is July 23, the same [explicative deleted] day as the July LSAT.

So, here’s the unfortunate reality for July test takers: You’ll take the July exam. We hope it goes great. If you’re a Blueprint student, stick to your current study plan, and there’s no reason to believe that it won’t go great.

At any rate, after the test is over, you’ll be ready to forget about the LSAT, for at least a day or two. To cast logic games and the common fallacies aside for just a moment and celebrate finishing a milestone on your path to a legal career.

Except you can’t really do that. Not yet, at least. You’ll have to make a decision, and you’ll only have a couple of hours to do so. If you think that you didn’t do as well on the July LSAT as you hoped, and you want another shot to try again before November, then you’ll have until 11:59 pm EDT — or if you live in the Pacific time zone, 8:59 pm PDT — to sign up for September. The July LSAT will excuse test takers around 5 or 6 pm. So you’ll literally have a few hours to make this decision. We’re not even sure how it’ll work for those of you in Hawai’i, who have a 5:59 pm deadline.

You might not think this is a big deal; making a decision within a few hours shouldn’t be that difficult or onerous. But here’s the thing: immediately after the LSAT, everyone feels like it didn’t go well. It’s a long and grueling exam. One that typically ends with the most difficult material. We always caution our students who are thinking about canceling their score or signing up to retake the test again to sleep on it and do some reflection.

Except July test takers won’t be able to do that. They’ll have to make their decision — distorted by the experience of having just taken the exam — within a couple hours. I’ve given countenance to countless students following an LSAT, and they’re often nervous and emotional wrecks. Some of my best students, who ended up doing great on their LSATs, were ready to cancel their scores immediately after the test, sight unseen. They’re good people, but they were in a position in which they’re prone to make rash decisions. I imagine that many July test takers will feel not great after the exam — even though they did quite well on the exam and don’t really have to take test again — and will decide to sign up for the September exam that day.

To add insult to injury, LSAC also announced today that they’re raising the fees to register for the LSAT. It’s not a huge change — it’s up from $180 to now $190 — but it’s a little bit of a low blow, right? They’re introducing a policy change that might lead to people unnecessarily signing up for a later LSAT and they’re making it more expensive to sign up for said later LSAT. As the youths say, smdh.

So the announcement today is disappointing to us. In the grand scheme of things, maybe not the biggest deal; after all, there were more upsetting announcements made today. And hopefully by next year, with a new schedule, LSAC will figure out a way for this to not happen again. But for an organization that has for a few years touted how it’s going to make the LSAC more open and accessible to students, today’s announcement runs counter to its stated ideals.

C’Mon LSAC, You Can’t Be Serious With This … was originally published on LSAT Blog

[idkguessiwillbloghere]

Blog Post #8

Feeling: Depressed Weather: Cloudy Last thing I ate: Spinach Last thing I drank: Emergen-C Chatted with a friend today. I feel like the deepest way I know to connect is with depressing shit, like bringing up traumas or dark subjects. I think I’m just not used to connecting in a healthy way, conversation-wise. I know you’re supposed to ask people about their days, or their pets, or hobbies, or whatever the fuck, but I think my friends are also the same way, so those conversations never really take off. But when I talk depressing shit, it’s of course depressing, so that doesn’t work either. One friend, who has oppositional-defiance disorder and is a pathological liar, insisted that he doesn’t mind me venting to him whenever, and that he likes talking about whatever I bring up. I’m gonna stop listening to him insisting on that, ‘cause every time I’ve done that lately, he distances himself from me more. We used to be a lot closer. Chatting with a dude on Tinder. It’s the longest I’ve ever chatted with anyone on Tinder; a few days. Haven’t told him I’m trans yet, though. Gonna bring it up the next time he mentions sexuality. I’m sure he’ll high-tail it out just like everyone else, but the conversation for now is nice. Though I just missed some of his texts for 15 minutes because my WiFi sucks ass sometimes, now my anxiety is acting up about whether he’ll take it personally or not. I probably ought to’ve just not mentioned that my WiFi sucks, it sounds like I’m trying to make shit up to excuse something worse. Who knows, I guess. My therapist says I overthink a lot. Thank my traumas for it, heh. Besides, I still don’t know if I’m even interested in this guy, but I know that any real interest I take in anyone develops over years, so I just gotta stick with it until I know. I want to put my snails into my big tank. They’re in a small one now, with a small fish, but I don’t think they’re super happy or healthy in there. I think it’d be good for them to crawl around more space. I keep forgetting though, and then I wash my hands with soap and that fucks things up for the rest of the day (I refuse to touch them with chemicals on my hands, I don’t care how well I wash afterward; I just wait at least a day for it to naturally sweat/wear off and then wash them again). I hope they’ll be cleaner in there too. I hope my algae eaters will clean their shells and otherwise be nice to ‘em. I’m depressed about my relationships with people, again. I’m not comfortable with where I’m at with anyone. Thinking about some people who no longer talk to me and hang around my abusers so much gives me a ton of anxiety. I’m so close to deleting everyone like that. I’m trying to weigh the costs and benefits though, ‘cause they’re regarded as some of the sweetest people you could ever meet, so if I delete ‘em, my abusers will just use that against me. I’m just trying to figure out if I give enough of a shit about that or not. Maybe I should ask my therapist about that, but we plan to start going into my traumas in the next few weeks, so I don’t know if I’ll even have time. Maybe I should make time, ‘cause its a prevailing issue that could be resolved sooner. Hopefully I’ll remember to at least mention it this week. I’m also not comfortable going to my friends as a support system, anymore. The reason being all that negative conversation I mentioned earlier. Me seeking support just feels like piling on. I know that “in the right relationships, people will support you when you need it,” but also people can only take so much negativity, especially from someone who’s so traumatized that it’s constant. I’m sure they feel like I’m not progressing anywhere, even though I’ve made huge strides. And that brings up another problem that’s been bothering me, which is my therapist keeps mentioning that maybe I shouldn’t seek intimate relationships on Tinder and the likes until I get my shit together (he said it more professionally, of course), but I feel like that carries over to all relationships in general. But my problem is that without practice, I won’t get better. But I don’t know how good of an idea it is to “practice” on people like that. Idk it all bothers me. I’m still slowly sinking back into how I used to be though; being solitary and unsharing. I’m sure it’ll all come out in a big way in therapy, but it just doesn’t feel worth it to confide in my friends anymore.