#I’ve never had a consistent style in my life

[doodledrawsthings]

you. Oh my god, you. (Positive)

listen. Before I had internet access, all I had was 1 hour of allotted browser time, bing image search, and a single dantdm play through of a hat in time that never got finished. I googled fanart and got pretty much nothing, I googled fancomics and got pretty much nothing, but you know what I did end up finding?

your art.

from ages 11-14, my goal in life, in art, was your art. I can’t tell you how much I loved finding random screenshots of your posts, because I was always just so impressed by how clean and consistent your sketches are, how the characters always stay on model, the shape language, how you could somehow sketch a character in like 20 lines when it took me 50 to draw sans in my little spiral notebook— like! Holy shit! For years I have looked up to your art! There’s still a photos folder on my dads old huge-ass 12 inch work iPad labeled “holy crap” and filled with your art. Because it inspired me so much. It’s become an undeniable part of my artstyle, now — I still have fanart I drew way back in the day of Hattie and the rest, I didn’t even know anyone’s names because I couldn’t play the game, but you’re the reason I eventually did play the game. Your coffee shop au and different versions of the prince— one of those ieterations inspired the main character of my novel! Well, novel that I tried to write, I was 13 so it was eh, but I tried!!

I’m submitting this on-anon because I don’t want to out my age on the wide internet (I like my privacy) but. Your art has really meant a lot to me. It’s the reason I played hollow knight, and it’s the reason I kept trying to develop an art style I was happy with. You’re the reason I started scribbling comics in my notebooks. Being 13-14 was pretty much the worst two years of my life, but I had Bing image search and the occasional glimpse of your signature, and I’d be so happy every time I found a new (if crusty) three-times screenshotted jpg. You literally introduced me to the concept of polyamory and nonbinary-ness with the coffee shop au. I had no other access to that in my household, and. Yeah. It meant a lot to me.

Anyway. I’m so glad I’ve finally tracked you down (in the most non-ominous way possible) and I’m so glad you’re still active— Please never stop making art. Your art is incredible, and amazing, and also you never know who’s out there on Bing image search. Thank you for creating for as long as you have. You’re pretty much the reason I’m shooting for an art degree (Wish me luck!) so just…Thank you.

(Also I had no idea you were a professional storyboarder, which is insane because that’s what I want to be when I’m through college. Hey, maybe I’ll end up storyboarding a remake of something you’ve storyboarded! hehehe)

Hi anon!

So right off the bat, I gotta tell you that this message made me start bawling when I woke up and saw it. Like I had a full-on cry session while reading your message and lying in bed for almost an hour. I am crying as I am typing this response, on my phone, still in bed. It’s 11am and i woke up at 9. So I hope it turns out coherent.

The last two years have been. weird. I say that a lot because I wanna say “rough” but that still doesn’t feel quite right. I’m almost hyper-aware that there are so many people that have it worse than me rn, so it feels hard to even acknowledge when I’m going through anything, myself, sometimes- REGARDLESS, it’s been kind of an all-time low for my mental health. There was a point within in the last year where I just HATED drawing. I struggled to bring myself to work, I struggled to bring myself to even draw for fun. It felt like I was posting just to post, trying to keep people aware of my existence and it almost felt physically painful to force myself to sit down and do it, sometimes.

I’m getting better now, I think, but. Yknow.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the “oh I can make money off this,” “oh I can get attention off this,” “oh I can prove myself a functional person in society with this,” of it all. I forget why I actually do this, sometimes, or if I even enjoy it. And then I get messages like yours, about the kid with limited internet access looking for A Hat in Time fan art on Bing image search, and I get taken back to when I was a kid scrolling Google images and deviantart for the same thing.

I don’t mean to like. Foster some kind of parasocial thing with you or any one of my followers. There’s a reason I’m saying all this, I hope it ties up in the end.

We don’t know each other. I’m not some mysterious legendary artist, or whatever. I’m a person who gets burnt out, and jealous, and insecure. I need inspiration to function, just like you, and when I don’t have it, I get art block. But I also really like to draw fictional characters kissing and hanging out. I like coming up with comics and stories and playing out dramatic and funny scenarios in my head like I’m mashing Barbies together. And when other people tell me they enjoy the stuff I put out when I do this, it makes me really, really, really happy.

I think I needed to read your message, probably. With the state of… Everything… Right now, especially recently, I feel like a lot of artists are also struggling with a sense of purpose, pride, and reason as the world makes it harder and harder to even BE an artist, these days. And when I read this message it was like Anton Ego at the end of Ratatouille, I got taken back to when I was a kid looking at my favorite artists and studying their style and striving to be better and better at it over years of my life. Not just because I wanted a job for it or cuz I wanted to be a famous Disney animator or whatever, but because it was fun and I just liked doing it.

Thank you, SO much. I say this in the most genuine and earnest way I possibly can possibly express. I wish you luck on your own path in art and art school. And if you decide that animation industry is your thing, then I wish you the best in that endeavor, as well. I think I will keep making art for a long time.

Peace and love on the planet earth ✌️✌️✌️

[8thhousepriestess]

Hi! Was just wondering what could make someone consistently outcasted/alienated/bullied in their workplace? No matter how they act or where they work? Always with co-workers, not really their bosses.

Hey fellow misfit 🖤🤩

I can totally relate to this because I’ve also felt outcasted & alienated my entire life in social settings, including my workplaces & really just any new social environment where I had to interact with others. No matter how kind, funny, or friendly I was, there were always people who really just did not like me, or made no effort to connect. I spent a good chunk of my life & growing up wondering what was wrong with me, why I couldn’t hold convos or connections like other people & why I was “socially cripple”

Anyway, here goes…

• Mars, Saturn, or Pluto in the natal 6th house or transiting…can create tension in work environments, often leading to conflicts, power struggles, or feelings of alienation. these placements might unknowingly come across as intimidating, even if they don’t mean to. 

[ Pluto transiting my 6th house gave me years of difficulties at my work places & with co workers. I ended up being wrongfully fired & I was devastated .. BUT HONESTLY BEST thing that’s ever happened to me. Pluto completely destroyed my shit. But i found ME & where I belong ]

• Mars in the natal 11th house or transiting… Can bring conflict or competition. The person may find themselves repeatedly clashing with coworkers or facing tension in team dynamics. It’s like there’s always someone who wants to get competitive with you for whatever reason which can lead to defensiveness, aggravation, fighting.

• Saturn in the natal 1st house or transiting… can give off a “resting bitch face” or make someone seem overly serious, even if they’re really just shy or approachable at heart. The 1st house represents how others perceive you, so this can lead to first impressions that feel cold or distant, even if they’re far from reality. Pretty sure this is partly why the phrase “never judge a book by its cover” exists.

• Saturn in harsh aspect (square, opposition, or conjunction)… to Venus, Sun, Moon, or Mercury can create a disciplined or rigid demeanor that others might find unapproachable. Can struggle with feeling socially accepted, often being seen as too serious or distant.

• Saturn in the natal 10th or transiting… can create professional obstacles & a sense of isolation. People with this placement may feel unsupported or excluded by coworkers.

• Saturn in the natal 11th house or transit… can make it hard to feel like you belong in social groups…workplaces included. It could take you longer in life to find where you really belong .

[ Wherever Saturn is in your chart, it brings challenges, delays & restrictions but also rewards after hard lessons are learned. It’s important to remember that Saturn isn’t punishing you. The challenges aren’t happening to you; they’re happening for you—for your growth & soul’s evolution. ]

• Chiron in the 6th house or transit… can reflect deep wounding in daily work relationships or routines. The person can often feel like they don’t fit in, no matter how hard they try.

• Chiron conjunct the Ascendant or Midheaven… can bring repetitive themes of wounding & healing in social or professional settings. Though painful, these experiences often lead to finding your “tribe” after significant personal growth.

[ When transiting Chiron made a conjunct to my MC is when I entered a new profession & finally found my tribe of like minded people. Where my puzzle piece finally fit. I first had to change my career path in order to find my place in the world/with others. So this transit triggered career change & deep healing around my confidence & self worth. Chiron is the REAL MVP ] 

• Aquarius or Uranus in the 6th house or transiting… could indicate unique work style that might make the person stand out, sometimes in a way that others misinterpret as cold/distant or difficult to relate to. You could just rub some people the wrong way. Sounds like a THEM problem, not a you problem.

• Black Moon Lilith in the 6th, 10th, 11th or transit… can indicate being scapegoated, alienated, or made to feel like an outsider in social/work settings.

• Mercury or Venus retrograde in the natal chart… can cause communication or relational styles that feel “off” to others, even if unintentional.

• Moon square Saturn.. difficulty in expressing emotions in a way others find relatable, leading to misunderstandings or feeling emotionally cold. [ I have this placement ]

• Moon square Pluto.. intense emotions that others might find overwhelming or intimidating.

• Moon square Uranus.. emotional unpredictability that can disrupt social harmony, making connections harder to maintain. One day you might feel like talking & the next you don’t. Easily upset one minute &the next bubbly & joyful. Changeable mood. Hey it happens 🤷🏼‍♀️ it’s hard being crazy 🤣 [ I have this placement lol ]

• Sun, Moon, Mercury, or Venus in the 12th house.. can make someone feel unseen, misunderstood, or overlooked, even when they try to connect with others.

• Chiron in the 12th house or transiting… reflects deep wounds around invisibility or rejection, which can play out in workplace dynamics being opposite to the 6th house. [ I have this placement ]

• Leo Ascendant… ruled by the Sun, which shines bright & radiates high energy. Some people just do not like a bright light especially if they’re unhappy with themselves. So people will try to take that light & diminish your spirit. The spiritual shade being thrown around so freely out here is real.

✨🪐💫⭐️☄️

I’m sure the list could go on but I hope you found some of these helpful/insightful to your personal situation. You’re definitely not alone. These experiences are helping you grow into your highest self.

Ultimately, it’s not about changing who you are.. you are perfectly imperfect & exactly who you are suppose to be. It’s about embracing your unique energy & finding environments that appreciate & support it. Even if that means going in a completely different direction professionally.

Thank you so much for writing to me 🥰

-🫶🏻💜STEPH

[rmstitanics]

* GENERAL OBSERVATIONS, PART THREE.

ASTEROIDS & CELESTIAL BODIES

ASTEROID ORPHEUS (3361) CONJUNCT CHIRON may represent one who looks to their past for creative inspiration. They’ll often use their preferred form of art in an attempt to understand traumatizing events or process any emotions that may still linger.

ASTEROID APOLLO (1862) in the 8H could signify an individual who enjoys creating or consuming media about controversial and dark topics.

When I see ASTEROID PANDORA (55) in the 10H, I immediately wonder whether the individual with this placement has experienced some sort of chaos or crises regarding their public image. Maybe they’ve had traumatic experiences with their main circle of friends, or maybe they’ve even received some level of backlash on social media for a flawed interaction. Whatever these natives have endured, they probably yearn to control public perception of their character in an attempt to prevent misunderstandings.

Check which house ASTEROID ARISTOTELES (6123) is located in within your natal chart to find where you crave the most knowledge and wisdom! As an example, I have my Aristoteles asteroid in the 8H of transformative experiences, death, and “taboo” topics — and I’m now a practicing divination witch who enjoys paranormal investigation.

Due to difficulty with turning intuitive ideas into real achievements, 9H CHIRON individuals might find the process of outlining an essay or project to be particularly challenging. They’re the types of students who change their thesis a bunch of times before a paper’s due date.

PLANETS IN SIGNS & HOUSES

SATURN 1H placements might have people pleasing tendencies at some point in their lives due to a fear of never meeting others’ expectations.

SAGITTARIUS SATURNS likely grew up in households where one or both parents was strict and / or religious. The challenge awaiting these folks in life is to pursue exploration of knowledge outside of what was taught to them in their youth. They probably enjoy philosophy or history, and could possibly grow up to be spiritual but not religious.

LEO MERCURY placements, was your writing style ever described as “flowery” by your teachers or fellow students before? Because this placement TOTALLY gives me the vibes of a flowery and dramatic writing style.

One could theoretically use their JUPITER placement to discover two things: 1) The field of study where they have experienced the most growth throughout their academic career and / or 2) their best academic subject. To do this, look at Jupiter’s degrees and house. I have CANCER JUPITER placed in the 9TH HOUSE in my chart, and I absolutely adore law, history, and philosophy! However, I’ve had to undergo the most growth in Cancerian concepts such as life skills in the home and actively listening to others.

CAPRICORN JUPITERS are prone to having a “the end justifies the means” philosophy when it comes to achieving their goals. They also might struggle with perspective taking / putting themselves in others’ shoes, particularly when they perceive the individual in question as someone outside of what they consider “normal”.

6H MOONS strike me as the type who love being around animals MUCH more than they love being around people, especially if the majority of their personal planets are in a water sign.

ASPECTS

SUN SQUARE URANUS indicates memorable students whose teachers / professors will remember them for many years to come.

Hard MERCURY-PLUTO aspects could struggle with maintaining a consistent routine for studying, especially if Mercury is in retrograde in the chart.

MERCURY TRINE JUPITER placements LOVE yapping in class, but it’ll either be with their peers while the teacher is talking or by frequent class participation. If you’re the class participation type, you’ve probably had a teacher say “does anyone OTHER than (your name) know the answer?” before 😭

Although this placement does make for great activists who are not afraid to call out injustice when they see it, LILITH CONJUNCT MERCURY folks NEED to prioritize being tactful due to a natural tendency to bluntly say whatever’s on their mind with no filter.

SATURN-NEPTUNE aspects need to practice intense discernment when it comes to politics — fact check everything and don’t just believe everything you see / hear on the internet or news without taking the time to research it for yourself!

Hard ASCENDANT-SUN aspects tend to be noticeably different people in public versus private spaces. Your first impression of them will likely be VERY different from the truth of the person that they are behind closed doors.

MIDHEAVEN OPPOSITE VENUS placements are amazingly creative individuals whose art may play a major role in their own identity, but they simultaneously might have a major fear of sharing that art with others. Peer review in class is an absolute NIGHTMARE for them.

[affableramen]

tsundere genshin men react to your change of appearance

crack, pre-relationship pantalone, wriothesley, capitano, dainsleif

Pantalone

Upon seeing you enter the office and walk to your cubicle in the sleek outfit a week ago you would have detested, Pantalone’s jaw drops and the slight shake of his hand guilts him into spilling his freshly prepared espresso onto the floor.

The glossy leather of your outwear has him stunned and the way you dyed your hair into a completely opposite colour to what it had been before, makes the banker speechless. If it were not for the closest standing subordinate to notice, Pantalone would have not minded the espresso staining the carpet. Being suddenly brought to reality, with enormous will power he tears his look off your crimson lips and pay attention to the mess he had done over his desk, spilling his own drink so immaturely. 

During the break Pantalone comes to you discreetly, making sure you are alone in the smoking area. 

“Impressive. A sudden change of heart, I believe?”

You responded with a subtle glint of proudness in your eyes.

“Just reconsidered a few things in my wardrobe. Glad you approve.”

“I don’t mind the lips but your jacket seems too much for me. Makes you look like a bad girl.”

“You don’t like bad girls?”

“Didn’t quite say that”, Pantalone puffs smoke. And who of you two is a bad guy right now, huh? Definitely the one who is smoking. “The outfit is pretty. You did well.”

“Thanks. Though, I don’t think it was worth spilling your coffee”, you smile.

“It was my employee’s mistake, the desk was too wet, the cup slipped”, Pantalone feigns frustration.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you. Carpet cleaning is not exactly cheap.”

In the light of the bitter game of back and forth with you Pantalone bites his lip preventing himself from smiling, instead he throws at you, rudely:

“Go back to your cubicle, haven't you heard we're struggling with staff? Tune yourself into working as if there were two of you.”

Your eyebrows curve both and amusement and bewilderment. Work for two people? Is this man anything but insane? 

“Of course, I understand how difficult it is to organise all this messy environment, especially when you’re the only hard-working person in the office.”

You shrug artlessly and leave him to his beloved leisure - cigarettes.

Wriothesley

When you barge into the coffee date with Wriothesley, jumping off your motorcycle, the bouquet of flowers he was holding almost escapes from his hand before he catches if just before the flowers crash onto the floor. 

“Wow, new style?” Wriothesley notes, upon seeing your new hairstyle which appears of length not longer than his own now.

“Thanks. Wanted to add some interesting change into life.”

“I hope it’s not my influence.”

“Even if it were, is it that bad?”

“It suits you. You look…” the duke once again runs his eyes up and down the whole you. “Cool. And out of all people, didn't expect you to ride a motorcycle.”

“There is a lot of things to learn about me, Wrio.”

Feeling slightly stressed and awkward Wriothesley finally realises that the bouquet is still in his possession.

“Oh, these are for you. Hope you like them. I’m not very good when it comes to gifts, but flowers, y’know… Ladies like flowers”, he chuckles nervously, “I guess?”

“Let’s take a seat already.”

You take your bouquet of sweetly smelling flowers that consist of primarily red flowers and point your head to the side, where Wriothesley follows to have a hot warming drink with you.

“We always talk about me and I feel so selfish for that. Come on, tell me something about how you live. I really want to know you.” Wriothesley receives the coffee from the waiter and adds, much quieter: “The real you.”

“The outfit I’m wearing today, is the best I could ever come up with. I mean, this style, the way you’re seeing me right now, is just me, (Y/N). I’ve never felt more peaceful than I do now.”

At that, Wriothesley gives you an approving smile, while his eyes seem to look at you with such attention, you know he is studying you every second, every bit of you, and it flatters you.

“You look dangerous. I fight with dangerous every day.”

“Then we might indulge each other just fine.”

Capitano

“We’re going to Snezhnaya. I hope you remembered to change your outfit, because if not that would mean I’m going to need a doctor to save you from the fev-”

Capitano’s words are cut off on their own and his expression from the gloomy and strained becomes surprised and lightly softened.

“Good archons…” he let out, amazed and apparently smitten. You went down the staircase of Capitano’s mansion, your outfit is the sole reason why his head seems messed up right now. He never took into a consideration that you would look so hell of fantastic. Yes, if course he knew you would be pretty wearing furs and thicker layer of clothes, but never had he thought you’d look immensely different!

Capitano stops there, looking at you with his glimmering blue eyes. You come close and shrug. 

“Your tailors have done the impossible, I believe. Never felt more convenient”, you clear your throat and give him a confused look. Utterly unaware of why he’d look like he had just been most seriously shocked or even traumatised, you ask:

“Capitano? Is something wrong?” You look over yourself up and down. “Is it too much? Do you dislike my braids?”

“No. Not in the slightest. I’m just… I-” he lets out a long held breath. “I am positively surprised... But, don't you think that such appearance might cause unnecessary attention?”

Your eyes widen. Capitano is so transparent, you don't even need to figure him out too hard.

“Why would it? Or are you perchance afraid someone is going to steal me from your camp?”

Abruptly, Capitano turns away and mutters something under his breath, though you never see his eyes :

“No. You are not even handsome enough. Don't flatter yourself, woman.”

“Okay”, you shrug, chill and calm. “Whatever you say, Captain.”

Dainsleif

Dainsleif is reading a book in the library when he hears someone enter behind his back. He pays them no attention but as you make your way to the “Abyss” section (which is half forbidden, but who cares) he lowered his book at once.

“Have you not read enough? You can’t binge read this literature so carelessly. It’s very heavy and overwhelming.” He shuts up when you turn to face him, your outfit is less formal than when you usually have to catch up with him.

“Your outfit is overwhelming, too”, he closes his book, puts it away to the windowsill and approaches you straightforwardly. “What have you done to yourself?”

“I happened to overlook some really nice things in my wardrobe. Now they are no longer abandonded. Do you not think them appropriate?” Your expression turns pensive.

“You look gorg- ahem, I think you could dress more plainly in a place like this. After all, it is just an ancient, slowly dissolving library. But you’re dressed like you’re meeting a…. royal.”

“Well you are kind of royal.”

“What?” Dainsleif feigns confusion, though completely aware of what’s it you’re leading to.

“Forget about it, Dain. I’m just gonna take some stuff and disappear as soon as possible. Wouldn't like to annoy you with my unnecessary radiant appearance any longer.”

Seeing you rummage around the books Dainsleif thinks it stupid to simply stand there and be nothing of help. He comes up to the bookcase and clears his throat.

“No, this one should come after this tome. Look, the right order would be…” he takes a purple styled book and places it into your hand, the other, blue one he takes in his and explains. “This appears to be the first tome, the one you’re holding, I mean.”

“It looks nice, doesn't it?”

“Yeah, I know. Very nice.” Says Dainsleif, looking into your eyes, but not at the book.

[my-my-my]

This is for Day 1 of @bleachsmutfest! A modern Aizen x Reader.

This is different from my usual writing style, as it is completely in 3rd person (I was trying to write this from Aizen's perspective), so heavy use of "she/her" pronouns, but no specific physical features of reader are mentioned.

Summary:

In reality and In dreams both, ‘tis her I meet at night, so Until the twilight comes I have no joy, at all.

Teiji-in uta’awase 29

CW: Fingering, modern AU (Aizen is a researcher), third-person perspective.

Word count: 2351 words

Read on AO3 here.

Since he was a small child, Aizen Sosuke had been plagued by vivid dreams. It bothered him like no other. Intense dreams, dreams that felt real once he awakened. It resonated something deep within him, fueling his motivation to go beyond the confines of family medicine, general surgery, and into the deep trenches and undiscovered mysteries between neuroscience, physiology and psychology.

Sleep was a fundamental part of humans. A fundamental function for all living creatures.

But dreams? What purpose did they have? It was something he would struggle to answer as he delved deeper in the field.

Sosuke’s pursuit of knowledge, his insatiable thirst for answers, had a secondary effect on him – it made him well-renowned in the field of sleep medicine. He was invited to talks, to presentations, a president of the Sleep Society in Japan. He became one of the lead academics and doctors internationally in the field.

But yet, he still was left with questions.

Particularly, why someone such as him, was plagued with a specific person entering his dreams. The person, who eluded him like no other. They remained consistently the same since he was a child.

As Sosuke leaned into his office chair, once again consumed by his thoughts about his dreams, he wondered why this specific person continuously remained persistent. It was something he still never understood – the science just couldn’t answer for it.

He knew of various cultural meanings, but… he didn’t care for them. Anthropological data had some interest to him, but he was not interested in the realm of psychics and the obscure.  

The first dream he recalled with his mystery person, he vaguely remembered he dreamt he was an adult. The details were lost to time, but he was getting married – that much he remembered. And the elusive person was his partner, his bride-to-be.

As he grew older, the woman became more solid to him. She was an acquaintance in some dreams, the mother of his children in others. He dreamt of him dying while she wept next to him.

To Sosuke, it felt like he spent a lifetime with this person. He could hear her laughter so clearly on some days. Other days, the swaying of flowers reminded him of her smile.

And it infuriated him, to be consumed by such thoughts. Thoughts he could never answer for. The dream of her haunting his waking life as he struggled to date real humans.

The men and women he dated, mostly brief dates, left him feeling more alone. There were things that they would say, things that they would do, that left him feeling lonely. Sosuke wondered briefly, if he was subconsciously comparing them to this imaginary woman, but he would immediately deny it after. Dr. Aizen Sosuke was a man of science and curiosity, but he had no need to entertain such ideas.

He pushed back his brown hair, closing his eyes briefly. It was getting late, and he knew better than anyone else, that sleep was necessary to answer the questions of tomorrow.

“Dr. Aizen, I’ve attached the draft of my manuscript based on the REM dream clinical trial. Your comments and feedback are greatly appreciated.” His post-doctoral student, Hinamori Momo said in her email.

It was a standard manuscript, no earth-shattering results, as they found some association with REM sleep and brain plasticity. He left comments and suggestions for edits on her manuscript, inserting relevant papers to include in the discussion.

But he frowned. It had been a few years now since he last dreamt of the mystery woman. The last dream he could recall with her was incredibly brief in his mind. Her voice echoing, “you’re so cute, Sosuke!”

And now… he was left with no more traces of her except for his memories. Nothing tangible, nothing real. Sosuke thought he was haunted by her presence, but…

He hated to admit it, especially to himself.

But he missed her.

Which led him to a bigger, existential and philosophical question, how could he miss someone who wasn’t real to begin with?

He studied the nature of anima, the complexities of dreams picking apart people in his waking life and inserting them into mind as he dreamt, but this woman, he knew he had never met her before.

Sosuke closed his laptop, deciding fresh air and some time to observe people, was what he needed. While he would say he was a relative creature of habit, today he decided to go to another part of the city he didn’t frequent, a café he had never gone to, on the sheer whim and curiosity to find something to stimulate his mind.

A pair of sunglasses adorned his face as he strolled into the café. It was busy, loud with various people going to and fro. With the warmer weather, the café opened up a patio, one he accepted to sit at. He quietly sipped his drink, his eyes watching people with intensity masked by the dark lenses of his glasses.

Children crying for ice cream, parents trying to console their weeping children. Groups of youth laughing and playing music loudly as they walked along the sidewalk. Sosuke took in the shops surrounding the café, there was a franchise bookstore nearby, with a few restaurants dotting the street. A stationery shop he had heard in passing was next door but it seemed empty.

Nothing really stood out to him, but it was a needed distraction, nonetheless. Sosuke watched people as he drank his coffee in silence. He was dressed inconspicuously, an average man at an average café, blending in with the surrounding crowd.

But he heard quiet, hushed whispers and some giggling. He grimaced slightly.

“You should go talk to him. He’s kind of cute!” Someone remarked.

“Oh I don’t know, he’s just minding his own business.”

“If you’re not, I will.” Someone else laughed.

Sosuke took a glance and saw a few women quickly turn their heads away from him. They must have been a few years younger than him, but he wasn’t amused. He counted in his head as he looked out the patio again, trying to find someone to fixate on.

Thankfully for Sosuke, his coffee was finished, as he continued to hear the women debating on whether or not to approach him. He thanked the barista for his drink and for some reason, he decided to enter the stationery shop.

He enjoyed calligraphy, one of the few hobbies he shared when people tried to get to know him. A man of many talents, calligraphy seemed to be a crowd pleaser when he shared some of his work. He had particular shops he preferred to visit in the city, but this one was new.

There was another customer inside, but once Aizen took off his sunglasses, his eyes widened.

The woman of his dreams, being helped by the clerk in the shop. Sosuke’s heart raced as he began to feel light-headed.

“Welcome! Sir wait!!” was the last thing Sosuke remembered as he collapsed in the store.

Sosuke awoke to the sound of monitors beeping, his body feeling exhausted, and confusion filling his mind. He looked down his body and saw an IV drip hooked into him.

“You’re awake, thank god!” He turned his head to the sound of the woman’s voice. A familiar voice.

His eyes widened again.

“You gave us all a scare. I wasn’t sure if you were with anyone, but I couldn’t leave you alone at the hospital.” She spoke softly.

Sosuke was in disbelief, the voice, the eyes, the physical presence…

“Have we met before?” Sosuke asked, confusion evident in his voice.

He watched the woman shake her head, “I mean technically yes, in the store.” She let out an awkward laugh, a laugh he had heard countless of times, “but we haven’t met before.”

“This is kinda weird,” she laughed again, a sound he couldn’t believe he was happy to hear again, “you’re Dr. Aizen Sosuke, right?”

He nodded his head, “I assume emergency services checked my wallet.”

She nodded her head introducing herself, “it feels kind of unfair, so call us even now” she replied softly.

He murmured her name under his breath, a strange weight creeping on his chest.

“Aizen-san, emergency services tried to contact your next of kin, but there wasn’t anyone.” She spoke again, “do you have anyone I can call to let them know you’re here?”

The familiar feeling of loneliness panged inside him. A man with countless of contributions to the field of sleep medicine, academia and the world alike, yet… no one he comfortably felt he could rely on.

His mind raced, he supposed his post-doctoral student Hinamori Momo, but he didn’t want to feed her crush on him.

In the distant past, possibly Ichimaru Gin, the forensic investigator he worked with briefly.

Or Tosen Kaname, if he were still alive.

Kurosaki Ichigo had a family of his own now, not having spoken to his bright pupil in many years.

But it would be a cold day in hell if he spoke to Urahara Kisuke again. Hirako Shinji would laugh and hang up.

“No one.”

She frowned so deeply… sadness etching her features, a sadness he wanted to remove from her.

“If I have your permission, I’ll take you home.” She spoke gently, concern evident in her voice.

He held up his hand, “please. It’s not an issue. You must go home yourself.”

But she vigorously shook her head, an action that felt nostalgic to him.

“I can’t, in good conscious, leave you like this.”

Sosuke frowned, his heart feeling heavier and heavier as strange emotions filled him.

But before the two of them could argue, the emergency doctor came in and took Sosuke’s vitals once again. What caused his collapse couldn’t be determined (but Sosuke had a hunch), but his vitals were normal, and he was healthy in body and mind, thus fit to go home.

“If anything, let me get you a lift home.” She said, pulling out her phone. “I’ll call and pay for it, please.” She pleaded with him. A flash of a memory, no a dream filled Sosuke’s mind.

“Alright,” he responded, not in the mood to argue.

As they waited in the lobby for Sosuke’s taxi, he watched her scribble something on a piece of paper.

“This is my number.” She said cheerfully, a smile, a familiar smile, bright on her face. “Please text or call me once you get home.” Her voice slightly dropped, her words laced with worry.

He nodded his head, inputting her number into his phone. Anxiety ran through him, an unfamiliar feeling.

“Are you sure we haven’t met before?”

Being a sleep doctor and researcher, Sosuke had heard countless quips and puns about dreaming and sleep. But the one that felt fitting as of late was “pinching” someone who was unsure if they were still dreaming.

“Sosuke…” he heard her say, a sing-song tone in her voice, “I’m home!” She giggled, entering his office.

“Welcome home.” He smiled, getting up from his office chair, embracing her in his arms.

She was evidently very real, no amount of imagination from his forever-curious mind could create someone like her. Her body felt solid in his hands, her voice clear in his ears, her touch leaving his skin warm and hot.

She was real and she was his.

“How was your day?” She asked, pulling him out of his office into their shared living room.

He proceeded to tell her about the annoyances he faced, the small discoveries his team had made, as he smiled fondly at her laugh, her questions, her curiosity as she prepared a snack for both of them.

“You know, you still haven’t told me why you went into sleep science…” she asked, sitting next to him.

“I have told you, countless of times.” Sosuke said, his voice deep as he picked her up and sitting her on his lap.

She smiled softly, wrapping her arms around his neck, “that’s what you tell everyone though. I have a hunch that it’s not quite the truth.”

“Curiosity killed the cat, you know.” He murmured, chuckling at her inquisitiveness. “Do you think I’m lying to you?”

She shook her head softly, “not that you’re lying, but,” she bit her lip, “more like hiding something.”

Sosuke sighed, readjusting her in his lap, “you really are perceptive.”

He kissed her softly on the lips as his arms tightened around her. “I’ve dreamt of you.” He whispered. “Or someone, like you.”

She stilled in his arms, as Sosuke continued on, “but I could never make sense of them. They were intense, and were never the same.”

“So you’re in love with the dream me?” She murmured, a hint of fear in her voice.

“No, I could never imagine someone like you –“ he began to trail kisses down her body. “You are real. A woman filled complexity –“ he nipped at her skin, removing her shirt and unhooking her bra. He squeezed her breasts in his hand, taking care to pinch the nipple.

“A woman who is beyond dreams” he whispered, before sucking on her breasts. “Someone I want to wake up to.” His hand slid down to the waistband of her pants, pushing them down. “A woman whose curiosity astonishes me,” Sosuke’s hand wandered to her panties, his hand cupping her wet pussy.

“Someone who reacts to my touch in such a way,” he circled his thumb around her clit, earning a startled cry.

“That I could only want more.” Pushing a finger inside her.

She moaned and panted above him, her arms tight around his neck, her fingernails scratching his back. He kissed her forehead as he continued to finger her, the slick sound of her pussy filling their ears.

“Sosuke, I’m about to – !” he pressed his lips against her, muffling her scream. Her juices covering his hand.

She sobbed in his lap as she reeled from her orgasm, watching Sosuke lick his fingers clean of her essence.  

“You’re more than a dream.” Sosuke said, kissing her deeply on the lips again. “You’re someone I yearn for, endlessly."

I felt bad about not participating, so I whipped this up! The summary is from a waka poem :).

The following songs were used for inspo:

Floating Points - Fast Forward

Ian Pooley feat. Esthero - Balmes (A Better Life)

Desire - Under Your Spell

Asaka Yu - Katamaritaino

TBH I do feel a bit out of touch with writing for Aizen as of late, so I apologize if he comes across as out-of-character 😭. I miss writing consistently, but rl demands are kicking my ass!

But regardless, thanks for reading! I appreciate all of you who like, reblog and share my stuff. It means so much.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Winter 2025 Anime Overview: ZENSHU

Premise: Natsuko Hirose is an animator and director lauded as a genius, but she’s struggling with her newest movie, insisting on doing everything herself. Then she dies from food poisoning and is transported to the world of her favorite anime movie, the one that inspired her career. Natsuko finds she has the power to literally draw and animate beings that will then fight the monsters attacking them—can she use her power to save the day and avoid the movie’s tragic ending?

Zenshu is a love letter to animation, artistic inspiration, and stories in general. I’ve been waiting for an isekai anime that actually uses the “transported into the world of my favorite piece of media” in a creative and meaningful way that explores storytelling and the ramifications of interacting with a narrative, and Zenshu is finally it.

Natsuko is struggling with creating a movie about "first love" because she’s never had one, and then bam, she’s transported into the world of A Tale of Perishing, a movie that flopped hard (likely due in part to how depressing the ending is) but it’s been Natsuko’s favorite since childhood and was what inspired her to become an animator.

Natsuko specifically using her animation prowess to save the day is just also an amazing idea, and it looks great. She basically pulls out her pegboard, and then undergoes a magical girl transformation that just ends with her being at her desk. The animation she creates then rises up and beats the monsters, and they’re usually references to something—the first one being the God warrior from Nausicaa.

There’s a lot of fun little gags, like her needing to sleep for three days after because that’s how long that sequence would normally take to animate and a lot of little nerdy in-jokes, like Natsuko being in rapture at finally getting to eat anime food, or coming up with a sentai pose for her team.

(And speaking of references, Natsuko's first hit show was a clear combination of Sukeban Deka and Sailor Moon, which I now dearly want to exist in real life).

Suiting a show about an animator, the animation for the series is consistently gorgeous and full of individuality. The comedic and storytelling strengths of the director and screenwriter duo of Mitsue Yamazaki and Kimiko Ueno (two women who previously worked together on adapting Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-Kun, one of my favorite anime) are on full display here too.

Natsuko is a fun and relatable character, avoiding some of the typical tropes for anime girl leads- she’s an adult, she spends the entire anime in an oversized hoodie and jeans and a lot of it with her hair covering her face Cousin It style, and when her “style” is pointed out as sloppy, her response is “I’ll dress how I want." She’s cynical and sarcastic and a huge nerd. It’s fun to see her automatically clash with the characters she’s loved since she was a child, showing that characters we love can be annoying as real life people, which I’ve always wanted isekai to explore.

The other characters are fun too—Luke is our stereotypical Hero character, but spending all his time fighting evil has actually made him extremely socially clueless, and he reveals himself pretty adorable after a while. Natsuko and the cute little mascot unicorn hate each other on sight, and it’s incredibly fun.

The often puts a clever twist on some tired tropes—Natsuko runs into Luke’s damsel in distress love interest (who's supposed to end up fridged, to boot) and rather than fight with her over Luke, Natsuko leads her to realize she actually has agency and can be whoever she wants—the result is amazing, and includes some lighthearted criticism of misogynist narratives. I go into it in detail in this post, minor spoilers.

The show is also very queer positive. We’re introduced to a dragon-person who, in the dub, uses they-them pronouns. In the sub, some viewers interpret them as a lesbian, but whatever your take, they're queer regardless, and Natsuko indicates some physical attraction to them. They’re also a great character, funny and tragic and cool all at once.

One episode goes into the people who have crushed on Natsuko over the years (while she remains oblivious) and the first one is a young girl and classmate of hers, who identifies Natsuko as her first love. I go into more detail about how sweet this part is in this post. It’s just a very casually queer show, and I appreciate that.

The themes of the story are interesting, the show explores the pressures of being a creator, the way you can shut others out and insist you know best, and what inspiration is. Natsuko begins to struggle with the fact A Tale of Perishing is her favorite movie in part because of how it puts a more dour spin on a fantasy story, and it's inspired her so much...but now the characters are real people she cares about. So she has to stop their fates even if it messes with the creator’s vision. But the question is, CAN SHE, or are they literally doomed by the narrative?

The ending is where things get a little muddled. It isn’t bad, but it’s rushed compared to the rest of the show, and feels a little too easy. I wish Natsuko had interacted way more with the original creator and we’d really gotten a clash of their opposing viewpoints. I feel we barely scratched the surface.

Going into slight spoilers territory with this paragraph, skip if you don't want any: The ending I think, can either be interpreted as either 1. Fanworks and interpretations are valid as hell and creators who look down on them are wrong (this is a bit of a stretch since the series doesn’t mention fanfic or doujinshi at any other point) or 2. It’s fine to take inspiration from your creative heroes, but you have to be willing to do something different, and accept the support of others. Conversely, a creator that is too precious about their work, who shuts out others and who looks down on those who take inspiration from them because they’re doing something different, is wrong and misguided.

That’s my best guess, but as I said, the themes get muddled in the last episode, in a way it takes some serious thinking to decipher a message that’s super applicable to real life. Like “these characters are real people now” is a nice motivation and drama, but not one that seems to a ton about art, though it does play into the theme that Natsuko needs to learn to let others in and connect to them.

Like I said, it’s not a bad ending, I was happy with it, it just felt a little undercooked. There were characters I wanted to explore a bit more. show’s message about art could have been stronger, and it left some potentially really interesting and meaningful stuff on the table...but the show was still amazing. I loved its creativity and characters all the way through.

The story is good, the characters are lovable, and the animation is top-notch. This has already earned it’s place on the top anime of the year list and I really implore you to check it out if you love anime and art at all! It's a thoroughly good time.

[theresattrpgforthat]

I'm looking for TTRPGs that have... for lack of a better way of putting it, mechanics where like, your character is under a profound amount of stress, and if they don't manage it and additional stress that comes in, they'll break or snap and do something horrible and then have to deal with the consequences. So something that mechanically 'forces' your character to do something they'd normally never do due to external stressors.

THEME: Stress Clocks.

Oh this is my shit. Get ready for a Hall of Fame style of recommendations from me this week (as well as a bit of self-advertising)!

Also a note: this was (mostly) a chance for me to get very excited about a number of games that have specifically inspired me, and I am aware that it means that I’ve kind of neglected certain houses of design as a result. For this post especially, I encourage anyone who can think of a game that fits this request that isn’t listed here to give it a shout out in the reblog and the replies!

Mothership, by Tuesday Knight Games.

Mothership is a sci-fi horror roleplaying game where you and your crew try to survive in the most inhospitable environment in the universe: outer space! You'll excavate dangerous derelict spacecraft, explore strange unknown worlds, exterminate hostile alien life, and examine the horrors that encroach upon your every move.

Mothership inflicts Stress upon you with every failure, and hitting your Stress cap reduces your most relevant Stat or Save, thereby consistency reducing your chances of success with every roll. That’s not all though - your Stress cap also makes it harder and harder to stop your character from panicking, by representing the threshold you must beat every time you make a Panic Check. If you roll less than or equal to your current Stress rating, you must take on a new Panic condition.

You make Panic checks whenever you roll a critical failure, but also whenever you witness something traumatic. These conditions don’t necessarily force your character to do anything, but they represent the toll that being in a constantly hostile environment takes on your mind and body. You have to work harder and harder to prevent your character from attacking allies, giving in to the demands of whatever is haunting their psyche, or going straight-up catatonic.

You can also try to mitigate this stress and panic by resting and doing something that helps relieve the pressure - having sex, taking drugs, praying, etc. There’s even a Shore Leave mechanic for long-term games that allow your character to turn their stress into a character improvement.

In some respect, these conditions remind me of the Morality and Clarity tracks of Chronicles of Darkness and Changeling: the Lost, but with less of the errant language around mental health. The dice rolls also make the consequences much less predictable, so if you want to be surprised by what exactly causes your character to snap, I recommend Mothership.

Urban Shadows, by Magpie Games.

The streets bleed shadows as the supernatural politics of the city threaten to swallow you whole. Will you die a hero—a savior for those who have never had enough—or live long enough to become the villain? Will you fight the darkness…or give in for power?

The choice is yours. 

Urban Shadows is an urban fantasy tabletop roleplaying game in which mortals and monsters vie for control of a modern-day city, a political battleground layered just under the reality we think we know. Vampires, faeries, hunters, and wizards fight to carve out a piece of the streets and skyscrapers, ready to make deals with all those who have something to offer. 

The ‘consequences’ track for Urban Shadows is called Corruption. Each character playbook in this game has a couple of special moves called Corruption Moves, and when you start playing, you start with two Drama Moves the tie into this. The Drama Moves describe specific situations in which your character must mark Corruption. If you fill your Corruption track, you take a Corruption Move. Corruption moves give you special powers that are super-effective, but fill up your Corruption track faster. You can only fill your Corruption track so many times - fill it one too many and your character must be retired, because they’ve just become an antagonist.

I really like how this feels like a slow descent that speeds up the more you lean into it. Your character is consistently tempted to give into their darker sides in order to keep themselves afloat in this unforgiving city - but lean too far and they become exactly the kind of person they were hoping to stop.

Antiquarian Adventures, by acegiak.

Antiquarian Adventures is a pulpy tomb raiding and treasure hunting Blades In The Dark hack in the style of Tomb Raider, Indiana Jones, National Treasure, and The Mummy.

So Antiquarian Adventures is a pulp game. It’s not grim dark in any sense of the word, but I think it introduces a unique use of the Blades’ Stress mechanic in a special “ability” that happens when your character uses up all of their Composure (this is the “Stress” of this gam). Once you’ve used up all of your Composure, you cannot resist anything that comes your way and your dice pools are reduce to 0 until you do something (specific to your playbook) that usually invites a new consequence.

For example, The Veteran’s version of this is called “Not As Quick As I Used To Be,” which hamstrings the character until the player allows themself to be left behind or separated from their comrades. This kind of mechanic has directly inspired one of the projects that I’m working on, and I think that if you tweak the amount of Composure your character has, or makes the reaction harsher, you could absolutely make it work for a game that’s a bit grittier than Antiquarian Adventures.

Last Fleet, by Black Armada Games

The last of humanity are fleeing across space, pursued by the implacable inhuman adversary that destroyed their civilisation. They're outnumbered and outgunned. Supplies are running low. The actions of a brave few could be all that stands between humanity and extinction.

Welcome to the Last Fleet.

Last Fleet is a PBTA tabletop roleplaying game where you play brave pilots, officers, engineers, politicians and journalists struggling to hold the human race - and themselves - together under unbelievable pressure. The game focuses on action, intrigue and drama in this high-stakes situation. You'll fight space battles, search for enemy infiltrators, tackle supply shortages and navigate faction politics. You'll strive against your own self-doubt and sometimes crack under the stress.

Last Fleet has something called a Pressure Mechanic, which can be used as a player resource, but also activates when you take weather harm or get called out on your shit. Hit your cap? Clear your Pressure and take a Breaking Point action, which often puts you at odds with the other characters, making the situation worse. The whole situation is a designed to act as a pressure cooker, making the situation harder and harder to bear until you finally pop. I love it, and it’s also a direct influence on one of my games.

Apocalypse Keys, by Rae Nedjadi (@temporalhiccup)

Unmask your feelings, uncage your ruination… The Doomsday Clock is ticking down and emotions run high as you and your team of DIVISION agents struggle to find the Keys before the villainous Harbingers unlock the Doors of Power and bring about the apocalypse.

As an Omen class monster, you are the only thing capable of holding back the apocalypse. Combat occult threats and investigate supernatural phenomena alongside your team of supernatural agents working for the shadowy DIVISION. But in a world that shuns monsters like you, only your deepest, most heartfelt bonds can grant you the power to stop those who seek to unlock Doom’s Door.

Taking cues from Urban Shadows, Apocalypse Keys gives you a Ruin track to follow as your monsters try to stop the world from ending. The Ruin track gives you a Ruin advance every time you fill it, unlocking Ruin Moves, permanently marking character conditions, and eventually forcing your character to turn into a Harbinger if you let it. Your Ruin moves are powerful and dark, generating even more Ruin when you use them, and in some cases (like with the Hungry’s "Only Hunger Remains" move), your character can actually halt the current mystery as they get close enough to becoming a Harbinger that the entire party will have to work together to stop you from ripping the world apart.

Protect the Child, by Mint-Rabbit (that’s me!).

Humans have always been protective of their young, sometimes overly so. Humans have also always feared that which might make their young strange or different, and so insist that only humans can raise their own young. Monsters cannot raise human young. This is known.

You have a human baby. You cannot find its parents. What is even worse, is that this child has powers, powers that others covet, and so everyone wants it. If you want to prove that you’re not the heartless monster that everyone says you are, that means you’ll have to raise it, at least until you find someone who is better suited to it than you. 

You are creatures of fur, scales and fangs. You have claws that can rend flesh, faces that can crack mirrors, howls that can cause ears to bleed. 

And your charge wants a blankie.

Protect the Child is a Forged in the Dark game about monsters caring for a young human, a human who contains strange and mystical powers that make them a valuable asset in any monster crew. The setting and factions present in this game are flexible: you might be aliens in a far-flung future galaxy, fantasy monsters from rival kingdoms, or even everyday wild animals that fear human society. 

Alright, so this is my baby and I can tell you exactly how to push your character towards some really unhealthy coping mechanisms. In Protect the Child, your character is constantly battling the stress of being a parent. Stress, like in other Forged in the Dark games, is a player resource, but it’s also inflicted on you when you resist consequences, and when the kid has an emotional breakdown.

Should your stress clock fill up, you’ll have to take a reaction from the list attached to your playbook before you can take more Stress, and these reactions range from doing something for selfish gains to lashing out to your fellow monsters to being fully monstrous at exactly the worst time. Your tools to manage this stress are also limited - you have to be willing to confront your fellow monsters and be honest about your relationships with each-other if you want to stop your emotional kettle from whistling all of the time. If you want a game where building relationships is the only way to deal with the pressures of monster-parenting, then check out Protect the Child!

[lilybug-02]

Happy 2 Year Anniversary to The Chara Timeline ✨

I FINALLY made drawing references for you guys, yippie!✨

It’s wild how long I’ve been working on this comic without reference sheets. I’m never that consistent with my art style, so I figured it was a waste of time 🫥💀😔 this is my first full comic okay…

Thoughts and Feelings About the Comic Below ❤️💖💕💞

Wow. It’s been 2 years??? I thought I would be done with this comic in 2 months! I don’t know whether to feel worried or accomplished!!

(With months between each update, I understand why it’s been 2 years. I’m a slow writer and artist and well- many things have come up in my life that had to come first, like my sisters wedding! 💞 and college 😅)

I want to thank my family and friends (WHO DO NOT READ THIS COMIC- THANK GOD) 💕 AND I want to THANK YOU! The readers! 💐💐

You guys are relentless! I’m as impatient as traffic and yet you guys wait for weeks or months at a time for like 4 pages?! You guys don’t even complain!!! I truly want to thank you all for that ❤️ it helps me so much. Being busy and getting burnt out are common and it helps me feel relaxed that i'm not on a timer. Literally tho- you guys keep this comic chugging I swear. Tysm 💐

Unorganized rambling about the comic ahead :) ⭐️🔥

—

My feelings with this comic are actually so complicated. On one hand I hate looking at my older art because GOD IT LOOKS SO OFF I want to stab it, and then on the other hand I am so so proud of myself for even continuing it this far. Ngl the weird route has been one of my favorite parts of this comic. It took me FOREVER to figure out an ending, but damn do I still get chills >:) hehe.

I’m still miffed that I named this project “Deltarune: The Chara Timeline” I could have gone for something so much COOLER. Doesn’t help I use like 7 different titles for it either. We got Deltarune the Chara timeline, Deltarune chara timeline, THE Chara timeline, chara timeline, Ct??? Man,,, I’m crazy. I take after my family so hard. We have 3 names for each of our dogs 💀.

Comic/Animation Tip i have learned. It is VERY GOOD to make the character relatively simple in design. Shape language is also super important, ((but I never really got around to doing that before I was half way through the comic, woops.)) These things can make ur process go by so much faster. This whole comic has been a HUGE learning curve. LIKE OH MY GOD. I had to learn how to draw backgrounds, write dialogue, plan a story, learn how to draw fast and draw noses (which god damn I really still can’t). And I had to learn how the heck to squeeze art into a tiny page and make it not look grainy. It's intense!

Anyways.... this has been such an awesome opportunity! Thanks Toby Fox!

I totally ran out of “art time” for my iPad and wanted to finish this today. So it’s a bit rushed. I’ll add weapons and possibly the other characters later :)

Oh shi- I forgot to add this grainy image of the next few pages lmao

[gillanfryingpan]

For The Forgotten Ones is completed, I haven’t read the final chapter yet because I wanted to finish this first

Buddy thank you so much for this wonderful story, I know I keep saying it but it genuinely changed my life. I hadn’t been in the Undertale fandom since about 2017, it was my first fandom experience so it was very special to me, but I left it far behind. at the start of this year I stumbled upon Calcium-cat’s comic based on the first chapter, and I found my way to this fic and read I think seven chapters in one night LOL. I had to stop because it was so late, but afterwards I sat in the dark of my room and just, felt. this fic felt like the peak of the old Undertale fandom, it was almost overwhelming (in the best way). all these emotions and this energy that I hadn’t felt in years all came rushing back it was like magic. like rediscovering the meaning of life. I know that sounds ridiculous and cheesy but Undertale genuinely made me who I am, it was my first fandom, drew my first fanart and wrote my first fan fiction and went to my first con and made friends and discovered this whole community that made me feel like me. and this story is interwoven with all of that. it feels like Home.

because of this fic I gained the motivation to create SO MUCH art, my skills have developed so much and I genuinely love my art now when I didn’t really before. I’ve found my style bc of you :) I’ve also gained an actual following now that continues to grow which is a dream come true since I first joined the internet. and I’ve made so many wonderful friends, I’ve got a group that came together bc of this fic and they’re all such wonderful people that I may never have met otherwise.

I’ve still got so many screenshots and ideas to draw for this fic so I’ll be appreciating it for a long time still, but this is a thank you, a gift and an appreciation for all that you’ve done. you consistently uploaded a sizeable chapter EVERY WEEK which is INSANE, your dedication is so inspiring. you created a beautiful world and characterized all these popular characters so well, especially when mischaracterizations have become the fandom canon atp (looks at Swap Sans,,,) you did so much. you created a family we all adored, we laughed and cried and prayed and joked and created this wonderful community within a wonderful community just to appreciate your words. truly effing masterful. I love For The Forgotten Ones, I will print it out into a book someday soon, to put it on my shelf where I can see it always. Thank you thank you thank you I’ve said so many words and still I feel I have not expressed the depths of my feelings

oh well

I gotta post this sometime lol

ok bye :) 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

(and to anyone else who reads this, this art is also going to be my dtiys event but I’ll make a separate post for that !!!! it’ll be going on until the end of November)

For The Forgotten Ones by Im_Sorry_Buddy

Ink!Sans and Aster by @comyet

Nightmare!Sans and Dream!Sans by @jokublog

Geno!Sans and Error!Sans by @loverofpiggies

Killer!Sans by @rahafwabas

Cross!Sans by @jakei95

Blue/Swap!Sans by p0pcornpr1nce

Dust/Murder!Sans and Phantom!Papyrus by @ask-dusttale

Horror!Sans by @horrortalecomic (Sour-Apple-Studios)

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

A ramble on imposter syndrome and the accessibility of witchcraft

So, I’ve been thinking. I think a lot in case you haven’t noticed. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about the major imposter syndrome I’ve been feeling lately in regards to this blog. TL;DR is at the bottom of this post.

People have been, occasionally, sending me asks requesting my opinion on things/how I do things/what I know about XYZ topic. If you are one of these people, I promise I’m not vagueposting about you in particular- in fact, I love these questions! They’re so fun to get and they actually make me sit and think sometimes, or even encourage me to write out something that I’ve been meaning to for my book of shadows. Genuinely, they're wonderful asks to receive. These questions have made me confront something, however; my blog is still small, but some people actually like what I write and value my opinion even if just a little. 

I feel like a mimic hiding in the witchcraft community. I feel like, were people to truly understand my experiences, they would want to “expose” me for knowing so little.

So I sat down with those feelings and turned it over in my head and I’ve come to a conclusion. The fact is, I don’t do research. At least- not what I think of when people talk about research. My "research" consists of the occasional rabbit hole I go down, one and two halves of different books I never finished under my belt, what I see scrolling through various social medias, and conversations I've had with other witches. I check to make sure I'm not stepping on the toes of any closed practices- in fact, that's what most of my energy goes to when it comes to research. This isn't a complaint; I'd much rather know that my craft isn't appropriative.

But I don’t know much about mythology, even that of the deities I work with. I don't even remember the holidays and what they're for. I thought Nyx was an Egyptian deity until like four months ago because I'd just heard her name in passing as a child and had never looked into the mythology... Even though I mainly work with the pantheon she belongs to. Y’all, I’ve done like three spells that I remember. My book of shadows is a messy disaster and I love it but it's got so little information in it, because I rarely write things down. Most resources (especially mythology resources) are academically worded or difficult to read for me personally, and all of these things feel like secrets I have to guard with my life because if I were to ever say them aloud, people would know I'm a fraud.

Today I've come to the conclusion that that is, in fact, absolute bullshit.

Maybe it's not, maybe this post will make some people really upset, but in my practice it's bullshit. All of the above is a result of my ADHD and the fact that I am nothing if not a hands-on learner. My craft is mostly my own experiences because that's how my whole life is; I learn by doing. My ideal learning style is sitting with another autistic person whose special interest is whatever I'm learning about and just talking for five hours, but if that's not something I can do, puzzling it out myself is the next best thing. That's what I've been doing ever since I felt had a basic foundation for my craft. Hell, even before I had a foundation I was putting my own experiences into my craft because "Well that rule just doesn't fucking vibe with me."

This post is mostly for me, but partially for anyone who feels similar. We are not broken or doing witchcraft/paganism wrong. We are simply what happens when the kid who could never do homework ends up practicing the "religion/spirituality that comes with homework." Witchcraft and paganism, in my experience, is far from accessible when it comes to the typical image of it. UPG is what makes it accessible. So yes, my practice is heavily UPG, and I don't do as much research as I think people have assumed. But I'm going to let go of the idea that I'm a fraud, because frankly I know enough about witchcraft to have supported my practice this whole time and my deities haven't smited me yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

TL:DR:

Fuck the rules, I don't do much research. I've researched the "basics" and what I need to so I'm not stepping on any toes of closed practices, but people seem to think I know way more than I actually do. I've felt like I was lying this whole time but frankly witchcraft just isn't accessible to someone with my flavor of auDHD, so my craft relies heavily on UPG and I've decided that I'm not broken or wrong for that and neither is anyone else. I'm tired of seeing myself as an imposter just because I make my practice doable for me.

[soapynat]

“some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice i’m willing to make.” 𓂃 ‘ persephone “ effie “ l’oiseau ‘ — fly, little dove.

played by : anya taylor-joy (teen) , riki lindhome (adult)

layout ib @artificialroux & @puppybutcher (love your ocs!!) fyi, this is just what i’ve planned for effie at the moment and there are a lot of gaps in her storyline left for me to fill, i’m still catching up on s3 so bare w me!! also feel free to ask questions, im pretty sure ill have some sort of answer for effie in my head.

PRE-CRASH

now playing : kiss me … “ so apparently the ‘bad vibes’ i’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress. “

effie’s overall character links to the innocence and peace dove’s are most known for, but more importantly, she links to Virgin Mary as she symbolises the humanity that was originally lost when jackie succumbed to the wilderness & effie also takes on the role of a mother figure, despite being the youngest senior.

she shows a character who preserves her innocence and identity throughout the beginning of the show, but slowly begins to lose this trait of hers and it being heavily tainted by the blood of others that she chooses to destroy. she is ruthless and unforgiving.

effie was born in vancouver, canada in 1979 to a single mother who didn’t want to be a mother and was suffering from an unknown mental illness, so, effie was adopted by an elderly couple in wiskayok, new jersey.

originally, effie was nameless but her adoptive parents decided on the name persephone meaning “bringer of destruction” or alternatively, “destroyer of death”. this contrasts the meaning of her last name, l’oiseau which is french for ‘bird’.

growing up, effie was a naturally quiet girl who rarely ever went out of her comfort zone or spoke up, simply because she preferred life without distractions. however, she soon began to show symptoms of paranoia which turned her quiet and calm personality into something more sinister and aggressive.

much like lottie, effie was put on medication which seemed to cease the signs of a psychotic disorder the doctors couldn’t quite understand. now, a voice in the back of her brain was constantly warning her something was coming—something big.

now playing : oh my angel … “ you two seriously trust whatever stuff that guys giving out? “

by the time effie reached high school, she was back to the kind & peppy girl she had trained herself to become, but now she spent her time sat in her pink, brightly decorated room with natalie, her most recent addition to her life, and if you asked her, her best-friend despite their contrasting personalities as well as appearances.

effie’s style never faltered, however. she would still consistently wear bright colours but more often dull pinks. she would simply flash a fake smile if someone tried to ask her about it.

somehow, effie had managed to make friends with most of the girls’ soccer team and was someone everyone liked but especially jackie & shauna, who were practically inseparable and were definitely not in need of a third. but effie had no plans of involving herself in their—whatever they were—and stuck to nat like she always did, occasionally hanging out with lottie, ultimately being what led to effie’s involvement in soccer.

soccer was something she had always been interested in but was never allowed to do as it seemed too “boyish“ and effie was someone who appeared to be a strictly girly type of girl.

surprisingly, effie was gifted. so much so that the other girls would often nickname her “little dove“ as when she played, she turned into a completely different person, almost machine-like, but still managed to keep her happy appearance off the field.

she adored soccer, much to shauna’s dismay, so when they had finally gotten the chance to attend nationals, effie was ecstatic. she could finally showcase her talent to the world and, maybe she would become a professional somewhere along the line. maybe she would find her calling on her way to nationals.

as a celebratory reward & the night before their flight, natalie convinced effie to dye her hair a similar shade of blond to hers and reluctantly, effie gave in. this was the first sign of effie’s withering identity.

THE WILDERNESS

now playing : come as you are “ and here i was thinking life couldn’t get any better—worse. “

effie had found her forever home. in the wilderness she is needed, wanted, by everyone. she plays into the mother figure role and becomes heavily immersed in it.

effie and lottie do not get closer after the crash. they were extremely close prior and effie began to devlop some romantic feelings towards her, however, their medication ran out and they were now rivals, both vying for the wilderness’s affection and thus destroying any bond they could have had until the beginning of s2 where things begin to shift.

instead, effie bonds with tai, or more likely, other tai. but effie's paranoia permits her from thinking seriously at times, so she hides away in the wilderness for hours at a time before lottie finds her and an incident happens. effie and lottie come back soon after, both bleeding but similar smiles on their face, and is that maybe...a hint of blush on effie's cheeks? who knows.

effie also finds solace in someone she would have never expected, travis. at first, she was jealous of travis. it wasn't fair. he was taking away her best-friend, the girl who she comforted everytime she ran over to her house in tears, the girl she would do just about anything for in order to get a single minute of her attention. and here comes travis. stupid. rude. and just stupid. he gets everything effie has ever wanted without even asking for it, so she keeps her distance from travis and has a complete meltdown when travis and nat come back from an unusally long hunting trip.

jackie confronts them. effie stands with jackie, feeling red hot anger rise within her when she notices they both look messy, as if—but she stops that train of thought. she notices the look of betrayal that flashes somehwere in nat's face and scoffs. she storms off into the wilderness. her comfort.

unbeknownst to her, travis and natalie follow her as she sulks on a tree stump. she doesnt want to make it a thing, so she forgives them, if she's even allowed to, and slowly begins to form a semi-friendship with travis, which later blossoms. effie’s not sure what the three of them are to eachother, and honestly, she doesn’t wanna know. it just feels right. all is somewhat at ease.

now playing : strangers “ what doesn't kill me should run, because now i’m fucking pissed. “

until they run out of food. until effie's medication runs out. the wilderness is telling her to eat, so she eats. she doesn't feel any remorse, not one bit. but then she remembers. she remembers who she's eating and is horrified. but effie can't stop. she doesn't want to stop.

the shift in effie is obvious, to all of the yellowjackets. the mother figure they found hope in had now turned her back on them and was no longer the same. her innocence was gone, her identity had changed, but effie continued to pretend, which soothed the minds of the yellowjackets and left them unprepared for what effie would do in the future. an evil was brewing, whatever that voice in the back of her head continuously told effie to be wary of, had manifested itself into her and it was coming.

effie maintains positive relationships with everyone but almost always feels nothing when they're gone. maybe its because she's so used to loss, or maybe its something more sinister (it is). effie doesn't want to leave. ever. the wilderness loves her. and she loves the wilderness back.

ADULT TIMELINE

now playing : deception “ i’m not insane, i’m sick. you of all people should understand that. “

effie had managed to avoid numerous mental institutions by reverting back to her “ nice, quiet girl “ act and stayed loyal to wiskayok, choosing to be hidden and under the radar, becoming a therapist by lying on applications & qualifications and completely dismissing her medical history. how ironic. she only had herself, it was lonely, yes, but it was fit for someone like effie—lost and ravenous. hungry for something that wasn’t there. that wasn’t real.

effie knew the yellowjackets would come to her, the wilderness had spoken to her. it called out to her. shauna tried to tell her that her paranoia had conformed itself into something dangerous and was acting in place of the wilderness but effie payed no mind to shauna’s baseless claims. what did she know about her wilderness? certainly not more than effie did.

[seriouslycalamitous]

Okay, first of all, I’m absolutely in love with your writing style, it’s so good and you’re so incredibly talented!! I’m really enjoying your shapeshifter fic, and am very excited to see where it goes.

Secondly, I was wondering how you manage to write so much each week? I’m an aspiring writer myself, and would like to start writing my first long fic, but I’m having trouble with the long part…. Do you have any tips?

Again, love all your fics, am very excited to see how the shapeshifter one will end (my brain is theorising so many random things), and I wish you a very lovely rest of your day!

-✨

AWWW this is all very very sweet!! I’m so happy you enjoy what I try so hard to write for you guys, that really does warm my heart! I’m beyond excited to post the ending soon!!!!

And those are some really good questions! I can definitely answer, though i might ramble a bit!

Personally, I’ve been a writer for a really long time. Ten years — so i’ve got my fair share of experience with writing.

English is my line of study, something I could rant about for a while if asked. Because of this, some stuff comes more easily for me than it does for a lot of people. Practice and time are the best ways to improve, whether you have traditional school backings or not.

And, secretly, I actually DON’T write a chapter every week! I prewrite the majority of my fics, and I only start rushing if I post before my fics are completely done. With my last fic, BTDOM, I had only prewritten 4/9 chapters, and I started speed-writing like 9k words a week once the updates caught up to me.

It was rough, I don’t recommend putting yourself on a scheduled deadline like that unless you’re confident. I know I can write pretty consistently, so I don’t tend to worry. For example, two days ago, I decided to add 3.9k words to Ch5 of CWTT and i wrote it in under 24 hours and then slept SO HARD.

While I don’t think i’m out of this world crazy, I definitely am NOT the standard for a regular fanfic writer. I practically write every hour of the day. I have the google docs app downloaded on my phone, so I can write while I wait for the bus, write between classes, so on and so forth. When you’re used to operating like that, and it’s your only hobby, you become kind of obnoxiously quick.

As for advice, a general rule of thumb is to try and write a little every day. A friend of mine has a writing goal to write 1k words a day - but that could be shortened to 500 or even less depending on your comfortability, it’s just constant progress!

When it comes to long fics, you should sit down with yourself and figure out what exactly you mean by long. My fics are long in word count, but short in chapter count. This is ideal for me, as it takes away the pressure of planning things that I think might never end, and it makes it easier to reach a goal without carrying on certain plot elements for longer than is necessary. I really honestly do recommend this!

Something else that is important is not biting off more than you can chew. Especially for your first long fic, don’t try to add too many, if any, side plots should they be avoidable. Smaller cast lists can help with this. You want to make sure you can complete the main story itself without having to stress over a loose end you forgot was there. If you finish writing, and you realize there’s wiggle room that won’t interrupt the main plot, going back and adding things, or making spin-offs in the same universe can be a fun treat!

You don’t have to plot EVERYTHING either. I tend to start with the end, a few generalized middle scenes in my head, and the beginning in mind. The fluff in between is where cute scenes like pirates debating their captain’s love life can come in! It’s recommended that these fluff scenes still add something into the plot, obviously, like showing the reader how a relationship is developing, how outside people view it, how this person interacts with a magical feature, etc.

A scene of, say, Scar doing paperwork without acknowledging anyone else or anything else beyond the paperwork for a thousand words is boring to read and will be boring to write too. Spare yourself!

Anyway, as you can tell, I’m super big on writing and I know a lot and I CANNOT stop talking. If you have any more questions or want any more advice on specific things, I love analyzing writing, especially in fanfic, and I’m happy to help!

Good luck with your fic!!!

[seraph5]

Artist Rants About Style

Hello. It is I, an artist here to share my thoughts on style. This will probably be more useful to people to are struggling with their ‘style’ or feel like they don’t have one than people who are locked in on their style.

My whole life I’ve enjoyed drawing but around the time I became a teen I started to work on improving my illustration skills with more intentionality. I would look at artists I admired and think wow they have incredible skills and talent and such defined style. I thought to be like them, to be a real artist, I had to have a style. So I worked at it for years trying to find that expression in my work that felt like me. As the years passed I was frustrated by the way every picture I drew was wildly different from the last in terms of style. The eyes were different, the level of detail was different, the proportionality was different. I just couldn’t seem to get that consistency I was looking for. I was improving, learning more about anatomy, colour, lighting but it all felt so slow.

I got a job in games as a graphic designer and asked for some lessons/advice from the art director there who mentored many of the artists there. He gave me some excellent advice which was essentially you don’t need a style to be an artist. He taught me being an artist without a specific style means that you can be versatile, flexible and tailor your work to the project. He said one kind of artist wasn’t superior to another kind and that both were legitimate and that simple truth really freed me.

I used to hesitate sharing work because I thought people would notice it never looked the same which meant I did less, put out less, wasn’t able to get access to useful feedback or advice. I was sort of getting in my way because of what I thought art had to be. From that point on I started showing my art to lots of people, learning a lot more rapidly, kind of throwing elbows for my art with no concern of weather it looked like me or not.

I would say in the last 2-3 years or so I have finally begun to see features in my work that I would consider to be ‘my style’ and it doesn’t mean that I don’t still have that versatility - I have - I’ve done so many different styles for clients and businesses - but it’s honestly been really affirming to finally see me in what I’m doing. But I’ll tell you it’s been minimum 20 years I’ve been chipping away at this.

I don’t say this to scare anyone or stress anyone out but to just sort of say if you don’t feel like you have a style or you’ve seen other artists developing a style within like 3 years or something don’t be down on yourself. You don’t need a style to be a good artist, or even a working artist, just keep hammering away at it if it brings you joy and you’ll either make a bunch of versatile art or eventually your style will start to peek out in its own mystical time. No-one is on the same timeline. Also I believe in you, go you good thing.

[carloschilipeppersainz]

Rúben Dias x Model!Reader- Life in Manchester Headcannons

Warnings: Slight reference to sexual activity at the end and possible eating disorder (nothing triggering)

Enjoy guys 😉

Part 2 to Rúben Dias x Reader- Meeting Headcannons

• You never intended to become one of the most popular Manchester City WAGS.

• When Rúben signed with Manchester City you agreed to return with him to the UK- to the place where your Portuguese mother and British father live.

• You knew Bernardo from Rúben playing for Portugal. When he started going out with Inês you became besties and now are attached at the hip.

• When Carlota was born you became the best auntie ever!

• Double dates with Bernardo and Inês

• You’re close with all the WAGS but especially with Olivia, Isabel and Sasha. Inês, Olivia, Isabel, Sasha and you are notorious for your fun nights out which end up with your boyfriends picking you up.

• On Instagram, style accounts appear where your outfits from photoshoots, Rúben’s matches and fan photos are posted.

• Attending every single home game at The Etihad, often with Inês but sometimes other WAGS join you.

• Wearing Rúben’s shirt or something in Man City blue to show your support.

• Rúben and you are often called relationship goals; the strong, commanding footballer and the beautiful, clever model.

• When City won the treble you were crying with happiness for Rúben and the team.

• When all the the family members went on the pitch at the Champions League, Rúben just picked you up and kissed you in front of the whole world before embracing his mum, dad and brother.

• ‘I’ve never been prouder of you Ruby’

• ‘Te amo meu amor’

• ‘também te amo, Rúben’

• Rubén’s UCL medal takes pride of place on the sideboard in your apartment with his many other awards/trophies.

• Behind his awards is a large framed photo of your first Vogue cover hanging on the wall.

• ‘If I can have my football awards then you can have your first big magazine cover on the wall Gatinha’

• You were present when Rúben threw up in Jack’s mums bag. You’ve got good blackmail material now 😂

• While Rúben doesn’t drink, you love a fancy cocktail or champagne to celebrate a new photoshoot campaign or magazine cover.

• Rúben tries to convince you to drink less, he means well but it sometimes annoys you

• You both eat extremely healthily and go to the gym most days but Rúben makes you look like a couch potato sometimes.

• He’s a bit of a food critic, your cheat days often consist of things like pot noodles or iced coffees. Rúben thinks it’s a waste of calories and that you should eat something that isn’t just caffeine and chemicals.

• Rúben is also a critic of the model diet. He thinks that you don’t eat enough and is often encouraging you to eat more and telling you off when you don’t.

• You’re pushing your food around your plate. Food that Rúben cooked. His eyes are focused on you from across the table.

• ‘Not hungry?’ His brown eyes gaze at you ‘have you already eaten?’

• ‘I had some almonds for breakfast’

• He frowns deeply ‘you know that isn’t healthy meu amor’

• He may disapprove of your eating habits but he won’t shout at you about it.

• When Rúben is doing ‘homework’ by watching certain football matches for upcoming games, you sit with him. His arm is around you, with you curled up into his side.

• It often leads to neck kisses which lead to…your bedroom 🥰

[good-beans]

Happy New Year everyone!! I’m so grateful that you’re here, and am excited to spend next year with you ❤️🎉 I hope 2025 treats you kindly, and brings new and joyful things your way!

And my rambly personal reflection on the accomplishments/goals of the year hehe :3

It was a long and full year – in the major areas people look for progress, I’m excited to say I continued to work (slowly but steadily) on my master’s degree and returned to work with a company I know and enjoy. I’ve undergone some bittersweet self-discovery when it comes to mental/emotional/identity things, and had kind support throughout it all. In creative areas, I wrote way more in the past few years than I think I ever have, and have dipped my toe into several new mediums/styles of art and writing! I’ve had a blast with collaborations and requests and inspiration-trains. I’ve made progress in areas I thought I’d be stagnant in forever: I’ve been consistently driving in pursuit of my license despite a lot of anxieties. I’ve succeeded through weeks of total independent living and braving my agoraphobia. I started learning a new language/alphabet just on duolingo, and am making more progress than I thought my memory could. On a more serious note, my greatest accomplishment is simply being here, and looking forward to certain things in 2025.

My most joyful area is definitely socialization (though, I suppose it’s not so much of a personal accomplishment as it’s something wonderful that’s happened to me, haha!) I’ve gotten to know wonderful friends that I’m so excited to have spent the year talking to, creating alongside, and supporting each other. When I originally put my new year’s resolution into practice and set up a place to call, I could never imagine how successful it would be and turn into so much more. After braving the first few barriers of fear and embarrassment, I found myself looking forward to every single new call and gaming session in a way I never have before. The games you’ve shared, stories you’ve told, and quiet company you’ve offered has been so wonderful. I’ve been inspired both creatively and in important areas of my life. 

I’m keeping my upcoming goals simple this year. The plan is mostly to keep current progress steady – continue with little successes in the scarier areas and refuse to get overwhelmed. I’m going to try and network so that I can continue work here when my contract ends, but if not I’ll keep my chin up. I’m going to be (re)writing a novel for my thesis over the course of 2025, but I’m making an effort to keep up on fan projects when it starts feeling more like an assignment. I would love to continue doing art trades/collaborations with such incredible people, as well as some lyric projects and long fics. I’m excited to pick up a few other languages this year! Though I’m not expecting my friends’ fluency for a long time, I’m loving the learning process, the joy of learning new grammar and alphabets, the thrill of some recognition and repetition, and the new worlds of culture and media it introduces me to. I’m excited to continue hanging out with such incredible people, and am determined to work hard for them. I want to always be someone they can rely on for support, listening, celebration, and silliness (Not that any of that feels like work, but you know what I mean.) I’m going to continue to be brave and put myself out there bit by bit. And I'm going to wish you all a happy new years next December, too ❤️

Here’s to another exciting year! 🎉

[championari]

Alright. I said I would write this and I’m gonna stay true to my word.

I’ve been seeing a lot of takes since The Giggle has come out questioning the potency of 14’s ending. People have been citing multiple different times during the reboot era where the Doctor has “settled down” somewhere, from Darillium, the university in S10, to even Trenzalore. However, I think all of these comparisons are apples to oranges, completely missing the details of each instance and how The Giggle’s ending rebukes all of them. 

So, because I cannot leave an inaccurate take alone, I’m going through every single one of these instances and explain why 14’s ending is different from them, in chronological order.

I’m gonna start with a weird one: S7EP4, The Power of Three. Because it provides a good example of all the things we’re going to be talking about. 

Prior to this episode, long time fans already had a good idea that the Doctor…does not do well in monotonous environments, a truth that is consistent across multiple incarnations.

“I don’t do families.”

“Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I’ve never had a life like that.”

“Here you are, Living a life, day after day. The one adventure I could never have.”

“Christmas dinner.” “I don’t do that sort of thing.”

“Oh god I had a terrible nightmare about you two!” [Talking about Amy and Rory having a normal life in Leadworth]

The entirety of The Lodger

“There’s a bigger, scarier adventure waiting for you in there.”

The Power of Three, spells this truth out in bold, montage style marker pen. The Doctor “needs to be busy”. Why, as Amy later asks?

Personally I think this answer varies slightly between regenerations, based on experiences and losses each face goes through. 9 couldn’t imagine a life of peace coming out of a war, a war that he had a major hand in. 10 continues that idea, with the added baggage of losing Rose. 11’s reasoning is a bit subtler: he says to Amy that he is running to things before they go, as if he now understands how short beautiful things last. He’s going from one thing to the next in avoidance of staying to watch things die. 

“And what’s the alternative? Me standing over your grave?”

This doesn’t change by the end of the episode. The Doctor explicitly tells the Ponds that he’s only staying to watch the cubes, and once the threat is gone, he’s already out the door. He only stops because of a potential threat, an idea we will return to in the next example. He even accepts the idea of Amy and Rory wanting to stay behind: “things to do. Worlds to save. Swings to swing on. Look, I know. You both have lives here. beautiful, messy lives. That is what makes you so fabulously human. You don’t want to give them up. I understand.” The Doctor is saying, ‘I know you have lives here, and that I can’t always be a part of that. And that’s ok.’ 

This episode in my opinion is a perfect microcosm of The Doctor regarding this topic, spelling out explicitly why The Doctor can't ever settle down. The Doctor needs to have something to run to because they don't feel secure enough in any place to not allow their altruism outweigh their need to process their trauma. The only thing that could motivate the Doctor to stop, even just for a second, is the promise that their friend(s) will be there too. The next example is the worst-case scenario of this issue.

Trenzalore is an interesting case. When I first heard of it being counted, I immediately shut it down, because Trenzalore was a literal war zone (wars are obviously not a good place for mental health time). But in doing research, there is actually way more baggage contained in this period making it unsuitable for this argument than just that fact. 

Trenzalore was set up to be the Doctor’s final resting place, where they would truly die. It wasn’t the first time a death prophecy had surrounded the Time Lord, and once again, just as with The End of Time, the thing that kills them is, what Davros would later call The Doctor's “greatest indulgence”: compassion. Tasha Leem warns 11 that she will burn the planet upon the possibility of the Time Lords returning, a warning the Doctor takes extremely seriously.

“This planet is protected.”

“Christmas has a new sheriff.”

For 300 years, 11 stayed true to his word. He fought long and hard, for the townspeople and his own. He was celebrated and was loved. But Clara returning with the TARDIS revealed how he really felt about all of it. 

“Everyone gets stuck somewhere eventually.”

“But you didn’t have your TARDIS.” “Well, that made it easier to stay.” 

There’s an unspoken sentiment in these words, echoing 11's philosophy in Power of Three: the Doctor will always want to leave, in this case, to understandably avoid his prophesied death. But he doesn’t, because “Every life I save is a victory”. Their compulsion to help, their innate capacity to help those in need. So often it’s been their greatest strength, but here it’s framed as destructive selflessness. 11 has become so wholly committed to helping others before himself that he’s willing to accept his own death. 

Clara correctly calls this out: “What about your life? Just for once, After all this time, have you not earned the right to think about that?” The Doctor didn’t stay on Trenzalore for himself, he stayed for everyone besides himself. It’s only because Clara gave the Time Lords a proper verbal smackdown that the Doctor managed to survive. Had they not intervened, The Doctor would've suffered and died, once again to protect them, despite already saving them from annihilation in the previous episode, Day of The Doctor. Trenzalore wasn't The Doctor stopping, it was a century-long effort to keep satiating the bottomless survivor's guilt they still carried from The Time War.

Darillium is yet another case of looking like a time the Doctor settled down somewhere on the surface. But the details don’t match that conclusion. The entire thesis of 12 and River’s final conversation was about the fleeting nature of their situation. 

“Times end, River, because they have to. Because there’s no such thing as happily ever after. It’s just a lie we tell ourselves because the truth is so hard.”

The Doctor says this, cries at hearing the Singing Towers, despite already knowing they have 24 years in a night. Because he knows it can’t last. There’s already a deadline on their moment of peace before it’s begun. Eventually River must go to The Library. 

The final quote of the episode punctuates this: “And they lived happily ever after.” Fading away until “happily” remains. Because they didn’t have their “ever after” and they didn’t “live”, because a person can’t entirely experience life to the fullest with a clock hanging over their head. 

While they got their moment of happiness, it was only a moment. 24 years is just a blink of an eye for a Time Lord, and sure enough, we see by the end of “The Return of Doctor Mysterio”, the next chronological episode, 12 is ready to leap back into the fray. Still the same overall Doctor he was before.

The University is an extension of this. We find out that the only reason he has stayed is to guard Missy in the vault. When 12 tries to mindwipe Bill (an eerie parallel to both Donna and Clara), he directly says: “I have no choice, I’m in disguise. I have promises to keep.” Just like with Trenzalore, The Doctor’s altruism has trapped him somewhere he doesn’t actually want to be. The second he hesitates, he immediately runs after Bill, inviting her into the TARDIS and sneaks off to the universe behind Nardole’s back.

So, now that we’ve gone through each past instance, what’s the connection? What’s the key issue(s) that prevented the Doctor from permanently stopping in any of these cases?

The (fear of) loss of their friends, and the Doctor’s own self-loathing. Either out of fear of the march of time, or the chains that their altruistic nature binds them to, The Doctor always runs away from the picket fence life.

Now, let’s look at 14 and how this ending departs from all other examples.

Wild Blue Yonder and The Giggle more prominently explains 14’s origins as a coping mechanism. The reason why 10’s face came back was to retreat to an incarnation that didn’t invoke the loss of The Ponds, Clara, and Bill. The second destruction of Gallifrey and the reveal of The Timeless Child. The Doctor’s avoidance of their trauma has now been made physical, just like how mental stress can often manifest as physical changes or ailments. 

“We stand here now, on the edge of creation, a creation that I devastated, so yes I keep running, of course I keep running!! How am I supposed to look back on that?!”

Already this is a departure from the instances we’ve discussed, because by the very nature of having 10’s face again, it’s forcing the Doctor to ask why. 

“It’s like I'm trying to tell myself something. Like I’m trying to make a point.”

But 14 chooses not to answer it, because answering it means accepting the truth: it’s too much. The trauma can’t be avoided anymore, because The Doctor would always be reminded of what they’re trying to avoid by looking in a reflection. 14 telling Shirley, “I don’t know who I am anymore.” Then asking Donna, “what am I? What am I now?” It’s not because he’s been given a blank slate and doesn’t know what to do with it, like other regeneration stories. In trying to run away again, to bury the trauma and pain, The Doctor has made it more visible than ever, and doesn’t know what to do with that. 

Ironically, the Toymaker causing the bi-generation was the greatest gift he could’ve given the Doctor, because 15 was exactly who 14 needed to see. He’s happy, energetic, full of life and wonder, but also empathetic, understanding and open. He’s the only other person in the entire universe who The Doctor will listen to (well, one person, we’ll get to the other later), because he knows all of the trauma they went through, and yet, made it through ok.

“But you’re fine.”

“I’m fine, because you fix yourself.”

15 is leading by example, their own ‘ghost of Christmas future’ but positive. 14 now has an ideal self to strive towards, a face born from love and empathy. 14 doesn’t have to ground herself out of moral obligation, 15 will now protect the universe. 

But that leaves one question: why Donna? Out of all of the people to settle down with, why her? That’s easy: because she gets it. 

Donna, out of all of the companions the Doctor traveled with, understood the soul behind the legend, because she recognized someone fundamentally similar to herself. One of Donna’s signature character flaws is her horrendously low self esteem: “I’m nothing special.” no one ever listened to her (thanks Sylvia, for at least cleaning up your act later), so she covered up the silence with noise. She held onto whatever indisputable moments of genius she had to drown out the cacophony of voices shutting her up. Wild Blue Yonder explained this perfectly: Donna believes she is both brilliant and stupid at the same time. 

She lives in two contradictory self images at once, and so does The Doctor. The genius and the idiot. The universe’s most fascinating person, and the person who would easily throw away their life for the betterment of others. She’s seen their blinding arrogance/rage (the Racnoss, Jenny) and their crippling self doubt/loneliness, and always met both with empathy and kindness. 

“Doctor! You can stop now!”

“Cause sometimes I think you need someone to stop you.” 

“It won’t stay like that. She’ll help you. We both will.” 

“Is ‘alright’ special Time Lord code for ‘really not alright’ at all?” “Why?” “Cause I’m alright too.”

Donna shouldered the burden of destroying Pompeii, she silently hugged 10 after coming back from Midnight. All because she knew what all of that would feel like in her own life. She didn’t need to know the history of The Doctor and Davros, because she saw her best friend afraid and knew he would want comfort, because she would too.

Even if Dalek Caan manipulated the timelines to get Donna to him, That friendship was completely real to both of them. We saw what Donna was like without the Doctor in Forest of the Dead and Turn Left, and she always felt some level of unhappiness. 15 years removed from them and she still felt as if something was missing. In every future/reality, she always wanted them there. Same for the Doctor too. Within only a few episodes of losing her, 10 started to fall into becoming the “time lord victorious”. 12 looks the way he does because of Donna’s plea to adhere to his name, and save people. Even before 14 came into existence, the Doctor was willing to tell other people how important she was to them, on account of River recognizing Donna by her name: “you’re Donna, Donna Noble.”

Donna didn’t just travel with the Doctor and she wasn’t just friends with them. She completely understood them, their soulmate. Two halves of a greater whole, The DoctorDonna. 14 stayed because there was a more stable incarnation to take his place, and because his best friend would be there alongside him, helping and supporting him through and through. The Doctor stayed because, for the first time in their life, they felt safe. In where they would be staying, and what they would be leaving behind. 

That's why 15 doubling the TARDIS was so significant. In giving 14 her own TARDIS, 15 is allowing his younger self to have what they always removed from the equation: free will. The Doctor can still go anywhere they want, which makes them even more motivated to stay and fix themself. 14 can feel safe staying with Donna, Wilf, Mel, Rose, Shaun, and Sylvia because the option to travel is still there.

And the truly amazing part of all of this is that the TARDIS knew it from the beginning. Was it a coincidence that very soon after 13 regenerated into 14, the TARDIS landed close to where Donna and Rose would be shopping? 

“You didn’t always take me where I wanted to go.” “No, but I always took you where you needed to go.”

The TARDIS brought the Doctor home, and this time, they stayed. Because it was a place where they wanted and needed to be.