#I’ve mostly been having a lot of fun but the last two weeks or so I’ve been feeling burnt out

[haddonfieldwhore]

florida!!! - aleksander barkov

aleksander barkov x reader

summary: while in florida on vacation you reconnect with someone from your past

warnings: a mixture of aleksander and sasha used throughout, angst, nsfw implied, small age gap (not specific), not edited (it’s 3am)

word count: 4.1k (oops)

“i’ve got some regrets, i’ll bury them in florida”

the smell of coconut wafted through your nose as you applied sunscreen for the third time that day, your skin not yet used to the heat of fort lauderdale. you were visiting for 2 weeks, a much needed vacation from your life back home, and you already felt relaxed after only two days here.

some of your friends were supposed to join you on the trip, but eventually cancelled, either not having the money or not being able to get the time off from work.

though it would have been more fun with them here, you didn’t mind travelling alone, having studied abroad in college and enjoyed every second of it.

well, mostly - you thought to yourself. despite only being here once before as a child, florida was bringing up some memories in your mind that had been long dormant. it wasn’t the state itself that was to blame though; it was something else. someone, to be more specific.

your phone rang in the back pocket of your shorts, and you swiped answer on the call.

“hey jessie,” you answered with a smile.

“hey! how’s florida?” your best friend asked.

“i wish you were here with me, but it’s still pretty amazing,” you admitted.

“i know, i wish i was there too,” she sighed. “next time, i promise - even if i have to quit my job so i can get the time,” she laughed.

“how will you pay for the trip then genius?”

“leave that to me.”

“alright,” you surrendered with a chuckle.

“see any hot guys yet?” she asked, of course that’s what she wanted to know.

“a few, not that i’m really looking,” you admitted. while there had been a few good looking men you had spotted while you were here, there was one specifically that was occupying your mind for the last few days; and you were trying to drown out any thoughts of him.

“did you decide if you’re going to a game or not?” jessie asked as if she had read your mind.

“maybe - the arena is right near my hotel, but i just don’t know if i’ll find the time,” you brushed it off.

“babe, you’re there for 2 weeks, i think you can find time if you want to.”

“you’re right,” you sighed deeply, flopping onto the soft duvet spread across the bed.

“i always am.”

“i’m gonna ignore that,” you smiled. “it’s not like i would see him anyway,” you thought out loud.

“unless you did.”

“that’s not helpful,” you replied with a roll of your eyes.

“i’m sorry!” jessie apologized. “and don’t roll your eyes at me, i can hear it in your voice,” she teased, and you both laughed.

during the 2 years that you had studied abroad in finland, you had wound up entangled with the one and only aleksander barkov; who in the years since then had blossomed in the national hockey league and become the captain of the florida panthers.

things were good for the most part, despite both of your busy schedules you made it work, and all too quickly found yourself falling for the handsome and humble man. he was a few years older than you, kind, handsome, and a perfect gentleman. there were ups and downs, and he was away from home a lot, but you made it work, keeping things casual and not exactly exclusive; not that you even entertained anyone else when he was gone. unfortunately, like most college relationships, things fell apart when you ended your studies there. you tried for a few months after you finished your courses, but despite your feelings for him, there wasn’t enough to keep you in finland without school to occupy you when he was gone so much of the time.

you thought back to the day that you told him you were leaving; the hurt in his eyes broke your heart, but you both knew the day was coming. you were on borrowed time and you both realized it long before either of you gained the courage to admit it.

“i don’t want you to go, but it’s selfish of me to ask you to stay,” he said sadly, and you buried your head in his chest, tears threatening to spill from your eyes as he wrapped his arms tightly around your body.

“we knew it wasn’t forever right?”

“yeah, we knew,” he mumbled, kissing the top of your head.

a part of you wished it could have been.

“are you listening to me?” jessie’s voice snapped you out of it, and you ran a hand over your face in frustration.

“yeah, sorry,” you shook your head, trying to think about anything else.

“you’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”

“it’s hard not to - knowing how close we are right now,” you sighed in defeat. you had found it hard to stop yourself from wondering how he was doing, besides thriving on a successful hockey team.

“you miss him.” the way she worded it, it wasn’t a question, you realized.

“our lives are so different and it’s been years since i’ve seen him, jess.” the last time you had seen sasha was when he dropped you off at the airport, the kiss goodbye was almost enough to make you stay. you had texted him when you landed back home, and you’d kept in touch for a few weeks, calling eachother here and there but the distance drove a wedge between you. soon enough life got busy and it was easier to lose contact.

“you didn’t answer the question,” she pointed out.

“i don’t even know if he’s the same person he was back then - i’m certainly not. and he’s a hotshot nhl captian now.”

“of course people change, but this is sasha were talking about. do you really think he’d be that different than he was when you knew him?” she asked. you had told her so much about him, it was like she knew him even though they’d never met. and it was true; the sasha you knew would never let the fame get to him.

“i don’t know him anymore.”

“if you say so. i got to get back to work, my break is over. i’ll call you in a few days?”

“sounds good,” you replied. “love you jess.”

“love you too. keep me updated.”

before you could protest she hung up, and you tossed your phone onto the pillow next to you.

you stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, before grabbing your phone again, opening it to contacts without realizing what you were doing until your finger hovered over the name ‘sasha’.

you hesitated for a moment before closing the app, and googling florida panthers tickets instead.

•

three days later you found yourself sat in one of the crimson seats of amerant bank arena, waiting for the game to begin. you casually followed the nhl, not watching every game, but for obvious reasons, you had a soft spot for the south florida team; it helped that they were fun to watch and had become a force to be reckoned with these last few seasons.

as interested as you were in the game, you found it hard to focus on anything but the memories of aleksander that had continued to float around in your mind for the duration of your vacation. you had woken up this morning with an ache between your legs as you dreamt of the last night you had spent tangled with sasha beneath the sheets of his bed. you could still remember the way his hands felt tracing every inch of your body; not even a cold shower could erase it.

you’d considered not going to the game despite having bought a ticket, but wanted to experience a panthers game while you were here, unsure of when you would get the chance to see them play at home again.

the panthers won, and you weren’t sure if it was the adrenaline from the crowd lingering, but you found you thumb hovering over sasha’s contact in you phone again as you sat next to the pool back at the hotel later that night.

you decided against a phone call, typing out a text message before you could talk yourself out of it.

hey - it’s y/n from college. congrats on the win tonight! :)

a simple ‘hey’ didn’t seem like enough - you weren’t even sure if he had the same number after all these years, or if he remembered you at all. the doubt started to set in the second you hit send, the possibility that you hadn’t left as much of an impact on him as he had with you setting in fast.

what if he didn’t remember you at all?

you decided to call jessie to distract your mind, and you were thankful that it didn’t take her long to pick up.

“hey! i was just about to call you!”

“great minds think alike,” you laughed, her voice putting you at ease a little already.

“what’s up?” she asked.

“just sitting by the pool,” you replied. you hadn’t told her you’d decided to go to the game, and you hadn’t decided if you were going to tell her about the text you’d sent or not yet.

“ugh i’m jealous. i’m considering ditching work and flying out there to join you at this point. you’re still there for another week or so hey?” she asked.

“yeah, 9 more days actually. it would be nice to have you here, jess.”

“is everything okay?” she asked, always able to tell when something was bothering you.

“yeah, i think i just got too much sun today, my head hurts.” you weren’t entirely lying, but you just hoped she didn’t check the weather and see that it had been cloudy in fort lauderdale that day.

“bet you never had that problem in finland, hey?” you knew she was teasing, the climate in finland in fact being drastically drearier than florida, but you were hoping to not think about that for at least a few minutes.

“yeah, definitely not.”

despite the cold, you loved everything about finland. it took some getting used to the dark and cold, but each time aleksander showed you around different places around the country, you knew you would find it harder to leave.

for more reasons than just the scenery.

the day he showed you around his home town of tampere finland was the day you realized that you were falling in love with him.

you walked hand in hand down crowded streets, sasha pointing out different things from his childhood, like where he grew up playing hockey, his favourite restaurants, everything.

you looked up at him in wonder as the glow of the street lights illuminated his face, a light pink tinge across his cheeks and nose from the cold. fluffy white snowflakes fell softly around you, gathering atop the beanie that covered his head and across his broad shoulders.

it was only a few months since you had met, but it felt like you had known him for years. you never imagined a day would come where it would feel like you were strangers, even knowing that your time in finland was temporary.

“you don’t have to leave,” he had said, only a month left in your final semester abroad.

you laid bare next to him, his bedsheets the only thing covering your body as you fiddled absentmindedly with his hands, tracing calluses with your fingertips.

“once the semester is over i won’t have a place to stay, i can’t stay at the dorm.” you had gotten a job at a coffee shop that made you enough money to afford food and necessities, but you couldn’t afford an apartment with that salary, and hadn’t intended to get a job in your chosen field here. the plan was always to go home after your schooling was done.

“you could stay here, with me.”

it wasn’t an absurd idea; you spent a lot of nights at aleksanders house anyway when he wasn’t on the road. but in reality, he wasn’t home that often, and you would feel weird living in his house without him.

“you mean it?” you asked, your heart aching at the thought that even if he said yes, you knew your answer was no. part of him knew it too.

a notification went off on your phone, and you snapped out of your daydream, realizing that you’d once again become lost in memories of what once was.

you pulled your phone away from your ear, jessie’s voice getting quieter as she went on about something that happened at work today. you knew you were being a bad friend, and made a mental note to make it up to her later.

you saw that you had a text message and your breath caught in your throat as you tapped on it.

hey ☺️ it’s been a long time. you watched the game?

you stared at the message, suprised he’d responded so fast, if at all.

“i’m sorry, i gotta go, my phones about to die, i’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” jessie said, and you said a quick goodbye before you both hung up, leaving you alone to deal with your thoughts.

what had you intended when you texted sasha? you weren’t sure even you knew, but typed out a reply anyway; deciding you would figure it out as you went.

i was there actually - i’m in florida for a few days.

you impatiently waited as the three dots appeared to indicate that he was typing.

oh wow. thank you for coming to the game.

you smiled.

i wouldn’t miss it.

it took a few minutes after he read the message for him to reply this time, and you worried you’d said something wrong. deciding you didn’t want to sit by the pool anymore, you wrapped your towel around yourself, fighting of the evening chill that had begun to tickle your skin.

you’d made it up to your hotel room by the time your phone went off again, though it was a text this time; it was ringing. you assumed it was jessie, but froze when you saw sasha’s name light up the screen instead.

should i answer it? you thought.

a thousand reasons why you should or shouldn’t ran through your mind, but you ultimately swiped accept and closed the door behind you as you stepped in to your suite.

“hi,” you answered nervously. all these years later and he still had this much of an effect on you.

“hi,” he replied, and you couldn’t help but smile at the sound of his voice. “it really is you.”

“did you think it might not be?” you laughed slightly, and on the other end of the call, aleksander realized how much he’d missed the sound.

“i don’t know, maybe,” he admitted. “it’s good to hear from you.”

your heart skipped a beat.

“how have you been?” you asked, pacing around the room. despite how easily sasha used to be able to put you at ease, you couldn’t stay still.

“i’m good,” he replied, and you had forgotten that he was a man of few words at times. “what about you? what brings you to florida?”

you couldn’t exactly tell him that you had been good save for the fact that he was all you’d thought about for the last few days.

“good,” you decided was your answer. “why did you call instead of texting?” you asked. it had been years since you last spoke, but you felt like you were back in college, calling him while he was on the road to hear about his latest game.

“oh… i just wanted to hear your voice i guess,” he admitted, a blush forming across his face that he was glad you couldn’t see.

sasha sat in his car outside the restaurant where he and some of his teammates had been out to celebrate their victory when you texted, and he had excused himself to make a phone call, quietly sneaking out to his car.

of course he’d thought about you in the years since you left finland, always considering you to be the one that got away, despite the fact that you both knew from the beginning that you’d be leaving.

he hadn’t expected you to text him out of the blue that you were in florida, and it made him anxious to know that you were so close, especially knowing that you had been at the game earlier that day.

a happy anxious.

“yeah, it’s nice to hear your voice too.”

“are you coming to the game later this week?” he asked. you hadn’t planned on it, but the way he asked made you hope it meant that he wanted you to say yes.

“i might be, i’ll have to see about getting a ticket,” you replied, giving an open ended answer.

“if you need a ticket i can send you one,” he said, before quickly adding. “if you want.”

“do you want me there?” you asked, hoping you weren’t being too bold to assume that could be what he meant.

“of course i do.”

•

you spent the next few days feeling like you were floating on air, like you would wake up any moment and this would all be a dream.

you had been texting aleksander almost constantly, and he called you every night, catching up on the years you had missed, though it felt like no time had passed.

you were suprised when he had asked you to meet him after the game tomorrow, which he had in fact gotten you a ticket for. you tried to offer to pay for it, but he refused. you knew he could easily get them for free as the captain, but still felt wrong taking it.

you were getting ready to head to the arena, when your phone rang.

“are you ever actually working when you’re at your job?” you laughed as you accepted the call from jessie.

“i’m on my break for your information,” she argued playfully.

“fair enough. how are things back home?”

“boring without you of course,” she laughed.

“obviously,” you teased.

“did you decide if you’re going to the game tonight?” she asked, and you half wondered if she had cameras watching you.

“i am actually getting ready to go right now, stalker.”

“good - i’m sure you’ll have a great time,” she replied. “and who knows, maybe you’ll run into a certain finnish captian while you’re there…”

“i doubt it,” you lied. you still hadn’t told her that you’d already gone to a game, or that you’d been talking with sasha non stop for the last three days.

“you never know. cupid works in mysterious ways.”

“jess…”

“i know im just teasing.”

you talked for a few more minutes before you had to leave to go the arena, still thinking about what she had said.

if only she knew, you laughed to yourself.

•

you waited in your rental car after the game for aleksander to text you where to meet him, giving him time to shower and talk with the team after yet another panthers win.

he had let them know that he wouldn’t be joining them to celebrate tonight, but hadn’t told them why, deciding to keep your existence a secret for now as neither of you were sure exactly that this was.

you phone went off and you checked to see that he had sent you his location, still at the arena but he must have parked on the other side where fans couldn’t usually go.

you drove over until you saw him standing outside the players entrance, and your heart rate sped up.

talking on the phone was one thing, but seeing him in person was different.

you hoped you looked okay as you parked and got out, walking up to him with a smile.

“hey,” he smiled, and you couldn’t resist the urge to embrace him in a hug, which he thankfully returned.

sasha felt a pang in his heart as he held you tight to his chest, your arms wrapped around the back of his neck. he missed this; sure he had moved on with his life in the time you had spent apart, but there was a part of him that always wondered what it would have been like to have you there by his side the whole time.

“did you get taller?” you laughed, and he smiled, blushing softly like he always did anytime you complimented him.

“maybe,” he shrugged as he felt your arms release their grip on him. as you stepped back, he took in your appearance. you had grown up slightly since he’d watched you board a plane and leave him behind, but the years had been good to you.

“congrats on the win by the way,” you said, suprised at how the nerves had melted away. so far, he was still the same sasha, and you’d always found it easy to talk to him.

“thank you,” he said shyly, humble as ever.

“where did you wanna go?” you asked.

“do you want to get coffee?”

“sure,” you smiled. “lead the way, captain.”

•

you and sasha spent nearly three hours in the small coffee shop, catching up on anything you’d missed telling eachother over the phone, and repeating somethings you already had. neither of you minded, and when the barista let you guys know that they’d be closing up soon, you found yourself wishing you had more time.

just like in finland.

there was no one else in the coffee shop since it was late at night by now, and the soft music was quickly making you tired despite the caffeine in your system.

“i should take you home,” he offered, and then as if he read your mind, added. “i can pick you up tomorrow morning and take you to your car if you want.”

“sure - thank you,” he helped you put on your light jacket you had worn despite the florida heat, and you hesitated before slipping your hand into his as he walked beside you to his car, fingers interlocking.

once you were back at your hotel, you hesitated before getting out of the car.

“do you want to come up with me?” too scared to see his reaction, you looked down at your lap as you waited for his answer, but the sound of the engine shutting off made you lift you gaze and meet his eyes.

“i’d like that.”

•

you woke up to the feeling of sasha’s fingers tracing patterns on the bare skin of your shoulder, and cuddled closer into his chest as the sunlight crept in through a crack in the curtains.

“good morning,” he whispered.

“good morning,” you repeated, feeling the warmth of his arms wrapping around you, your legs tangled with his beneath the covers.

“i missed this,” he admitted, and you hummed in response.

“me too.”

he was silent for a moment, as if he was mustering up the courage to ask you his next question.

“do you ever wonder what things would be like if you had stayed in finland?”

you looked up at him, your eyes meeting.

“yeah, a lot actually,” you admitted. “sometimes i regret leaving.”

“you had to go,” he said, but you could tell that it had hurt him when you left. maybe as much as it had hurt you.

“it was one of the hardest things i ever did. leaving you.”

“we found eachother again though,” he replied, always finding a way to look at things in a positive light. reality set in as you realized the harsh truth.

“i’m only in florida for a few more days sasha,” you confessed, and you felt guilty. surely he knew that you had to leave again, but it still felt like you were doing something wrong.

“i know,” he assured you. “no one stays anywhere forever.” you knew he hadn’t meant it with any hostility.

“do you like it here in florida?” you asked, trying to shift the subject off of you leaving. “it’s so different from home.”

“it’s very different, but it’s nice.” he agreed, and while he knew when you called finland home you meant his, but there was a time when you called it home as well, even if you were just a guest there.

“yeah, it’s really nice,” you agreed.

“will you visit again?” he asked the question you had been dreading.

“i don’t know when i’ll be able to,” you said honestly. “but i’ll try, sasha.”

he smiled, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“we play in your hometown next month,” he remembered aloud, and you smiled, knowing you would see him again sooner than you imagined.

“i’ll have to get a ticket,” you smiled at him.

“i think i can help with that.”

disclaimer: all screenshots, events, and/or interactions depicted in this are a work of fiction. i have no association with any parties mentioned

[wickedhawtwexler]

my extroverted bestie: I’m out of town this weeekend and can’t hang out

my extroverted bf: I’m sick and can’t hang out

me (introvert) (already dragging all my hobby shit out): oh no… whatever will I do…….

[wonysugar]

don’t modify | jang wonyoung

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. everyone adores you (at least i do) — matt maltese

synopsis : everyone knew jang wonyoung had standards, but you were afraid you didn’t meet them like she initially expected you to.

pairing : stuco!wonyoung x gf!femreader

genre : smut, it’s kinda sweet i think

tags : wlw, hurt/comfort(?), fem!reader starts doubting herself, self-esteem issues, yn overthinks everythingg, YN YOU’RE GIRLFRIEND ENOUGH, <//3, couplez are very present haiii, i care them so much, jiwon is stewpid (affectionate), and rei lives for it, LESBIANS, worried gf wony, she loves yn guys, GUYS, now onto the sex, semi-public sex, so risky sex, ooouh scandalous, fingerfucking, making out, LOTS of it, kinda body worship, clit play

warnings : this fic contains self-esteem issues and lack of confidence, be warned :]

word count : 4,8k

a/n : heyyy… DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THATTT I’VE BEEN BUSY💔💔i’m trying to work on as many fics as i possibly can when i have free time, this is one of them<//3 i hope you like it, i personally don’t know to feel about it butfkdmfm yeah

i also kinda didn’t proofread this; it’s almost 2 am as i’m typing this out and i’m EXHAUSTED,,, if you see mistakes of any kind just please ignore,, for my sake

man, student council really was no joke.

sitting at the same table as your girlfriend, wonyoung, and her peers, you could feel the undeniable tension in the air. 

this was originally gonna be a double date, but it very quickly turned into a last-minute student council meeting, for some unknown reason. you weren’t part of said council, therefore had no clue what the hell they were on about this entire time. all this talk about budget, organized events, it all made you dizzy. the only thing that was keeping you somewhat calm was wonyoung’s warm presence and the slow jazz music that was quietly playing from the vintage jukebox, the one sitting in a corner of the place. 

you accompanied your girlfriend thinking this was going to be a cute opportunity to meet the two other girls! yknow, knowing that they seemed to be very close friends of your girlfriend’s, you figured it would’ve been nice to get to know them but it now just mostly feels like you infiltrated a top secret reunion that no one else could know about. 

and the funny thing? you were already somewhat nervous to meet other student council members in the first place, and this wasn’t helping. now, it’s kind of embarrassing to admit, but the first time that you met your significant other… yeah, you were mostly intimidated by her beauty and maturity, but also by her status in the school. it’s almost like you felt bad about crushing on somebody as influential on campus, let alone eventually dating her. so, i guess you could say meeting anybody equally as important as her fellow stuco members was something that made you rather anxious; what if they thought of you as clumsy? dumb? or even worse, not good enough for their president, their best friend?

quickly interrupting your train of incredibly messy thought, the blonde girl, whose name you don’t quite remember, spoke up. 

“nevermind any of that! we came here, on a week-end, with the intention to relax, to have fun and to finally take a breather from everything stressful that’s been going on in our lives, and what did we end up doing? talking about the school’s budget, like we always do. seriously guys?” she watched how the two other girls averted their eyes, clearly guilty. 

she especially noticed how you seemed to be uncomfortably shifting in your seat whilst they were talking, so, giving you a subtle reassuring look, she added on.

“let’s leave it for when we’re at school and not in front of y/n, how’s that sound?”

the two other girls looked at each other, then you, and eventually nodded. just like that, the tension in the air disappeared, and you already felt calmer.

but not calm enough to be confident about meeting your girlfriend’s friends and actually enjoy this small get-together.

however, you couldn’t sit there and pretend that the silence that settled in between all of you wasn’t a comfortable one, especially with the way wonyoung’s hand rested on yours, it was a nice contrast to what was actively going on in your mind.

until it was brutally killed by the dramatic sigh that came from the familiar tall and bright haired girl’s mouth.

“well, i’m pretty damn hungry, aren’t you guys hungry? cause i sure am pretty fucking hungry!“

you internally laughed, acknowledging that she was naturally quite funny. you apparently weren’t the only one to think so, considering how that also earned a small giggle from the almost just as tall girl who you assumed was her girlfriend, since she was practically always looking at her with heart-shaped eyes, regardless of the situation; you could tell when a girl was whipped for another, and it was as clear as day. 

she was more than whipped for the blondie.

“you know jiwon, if you wanted to get up and go order, you could’ve just said that.” she said, smiling at the girl in question and looking stupidly in love. 

“well yeahh.. but it’s essential for everyone to know how famished i am at all times, darling; my hunger is everyone’s problem, i thought we knew this!” was what jiwon said back, her bright smile making the dimple on one of her red cheeks, her left one, even more prominent than usual, since it’s quite literally always visible. that earned a playful eye roll from the other girl as she continued giggling. 

the pet name helped confirm your theory that those two were a thing.

“you guys want anything?” she softly asked, quickly making sure.

“nope! we’ll get something later, thank you rei.” was what wonyoung responded before warmly looking at you, slightly tilting her head in a way that silently asked you if you felt like ordering. you politely declined by shaking your head, hand waving around as you’re doing so, for extra insistence.

after that, they stood up together and proceeded to walk towards the counter to order. their hands were grazing each other’s for a little moment as they talked, almost hesitant. that is, before jiwon gently grabbed the other girl’ hand and intertwined their fingers together, both now having acquired their place in line. smiling to yourself, you also particularly noticed how jiwon, her face now completely red, seemed to trip on literal air as she walked with the reason for that was giggling endlessly. 

man, what a match they were, you thought.

rei, if you remembered her name correctly, was soft spoken and careful with every little thing she said and did, her gentle tone offered some sort of contrast to jiwon’s, who on her part, was louder, more outgoing and spontaneous. being polar opposites, they complemented each other amazingly; from their behavior all the way down to their body language, it was impossible to miss how different yet similar they were.

it seemed as if wonyoung noticed you staring at them from a distance, so she assumed it would’ve been a good idea to give you a little bit of funny context. “can you believe they’re not dating yet?” she asked, looking at them with you.

“wait.. what? they aren’t?” you exclaimed, surprised at the almost unbelievable information your girlfriend just dropped on you. well there goes your theory, “are.. are you sure?”

amused, she shook her head, eyebrows raised, “mmhm.” she said, putting emphasis on the first m. “i swear at times it feels like i hear them gushing about the other way more than i see my own mom.”

you giggled, your eyes darted back and forth between her and the other girls, in disbelief. actually.. the more you looked at them, the more whatever wonyoung said seemed to be true; despite being this close and intimate with each other, there were signs of uncertainty, as if this was new for the both of them. like when jiwon seemed to avoid rei’s gaze whenever she spoke, or maybe even when rei seemed to blush at quite literally anything silly that came out of jiwon’s mouth, which was very often, by the way.

“crazy, i know.” she laughed, staring at the two with you. “i mean, they practically are by now, they’re just not aware of it themselves yet.”

okay yeah, you thought, nodding at your girlfriend, it made sense. 

they did look like a newlywed couple if they didn't know they were married, and that just made it all the more endearing to see, honestly. you were glad wonyoung was friends with such kind-hearted and genuine girls. 

that somehow contributed in bringing back that nerve-racking doubt you had ever since you stepped foot in here, however, and your amusement was once again quickly overshadowed by worry. see, those two seemed so happy with each other, despite not even dating, that it got you thinking about your and wonyoung’s relationship. 

rei and jiwon sort of reminded you of what you and your girlfriend were, way back before you started dating, back when she knew absolutely nothing about you and was instead curious regarding your person, intrigued.

you thought that maybe you didn’t end up exceeding her expectations like she initially believed you would, that you maybe weren’t as interesting of a girlfriend than she would’ve hoped, that she could do so much better than you. 

hell, maybe even the two friends you were staring at prior thought so.

you noticed how wonyoung stared at you with a focused expression, the one she always had on whilst she tried to comprehend something complex, whatever it was. many things elicited that reaction, sometimes it’d be an important yet contradictory school document, other times it’d be an attempt to read something that was written in one of the languages she’s not so familiar with, as rare as that was. 

right now though, she was probably trying to read you, a language she thought she was perfectly fluent in, yet was always met with a hard time understanding completely.

then, upon realizing that you were staring back at her, her eyes widened ever-so slightly and she gave you a warm smile. doing your best in not letting your insecurities spill through the cracks of your face, you smiled in return, as to not potentially worry her.

“we’re backk!” announced jiwon in a sing-song tone, quickly catching both you and wonyoung off-guard as she obnoxiously placed her tray down on the table, almost dropping it. rei’s, on the other hand, was set gently on the wooden surface whilst she carefully sat down on the seat, smiling to herself upon staring at the delicious looking food, completely disregarding the conversation happening right beside her. 

you nodded to yourself, that was truly respectable.

“already?..” asked the tall and brown haired girl in response, wearing a mischievous smirk girl at the blondie before continuing, “and here i thought that we were finally gonna have a break from you.” jokingly groaning and rolling her eyes.

“never gonna happen, unfortunately for you.” jiwon giggled at the banter, grabbing a handful of fries from the tray in front of her before forcefully shoving it into the other girl’s mouth, cutting the latter successfully.

that earned a giggle from everyone at the table, but rei’s tiny and polite laugh was especially noticeable among the bunch. 

turns out she always listens when it’s about jiwon, huh.

—

“what about you, y/n?” asked jiwon, distracting you from the conversation you were about to engage in with the delicious burger that nestled in between your eager hands. you looked at her, allowing her to carry on, “are you volunteering anywhere?”

all of a sudden, all three different pairs of eyes were on you, and you only. 

you cleared your throat, setting the hamburger down, now having caught a glimpse of what the conversation was actually about. volunteering, huh? is that a thing that student council casually members do when they’re bored..?

you didn’t want to seem like an asshole, but it’s not like you could afford to lie, either, especially not when wonyoung was staring at you so intently, like she was excited to merely hear you talk.

you felt guilty for even placing a word.

“oh uh,” you focused your eyes on the table, unsure of your response and the reaction you would get. “i would, but i barely have the time, unfortunately.. you know, with my job and all..”

“you know,” rei chimed in, shaking her medium-sized soda drink around before taking a sip, “you can say that you don’t care enough, we won’t judge.” she said in a joking manner, earning laughter from everyone at the table.

that was a joke, it’s obvious that everybody would be laughing. 

“ahah, yeah..” 

except you, of course, the best you could do at that moment was crack a slight smile since you were basically stuck inside of your own head by now, contemplating whether they were actually making fun of you in your face or if you were just overthinking everything again, just like you always do.

man, with each thought you had, you felt uneasy. the more they talked, the more overwhelmed you felt, especially if the conversation revolved around you;  self-consciousness wouldn’t even begin to describe it, despite your desperate attempts to sit and actually enjoy the moment, as well as the food in front of you, for that matter.

but alas, that annoying voice in your head had won again. the same voice that always goes on and on about how every person around you thinks you aren’t enough, and that you’re uninteresting and unlikeable, sometimes just plain annoying. 

that got the best of you today.

you reluctantly stood up, which caught the two girls’ attention, but especially wonyoung’s, all of their eyes perking up at you. “where you going?” asked jiwon.

“just the bathroom.” you replied almost immediately, “sorry, you guys can keep talking, i won’t be long.”

you make a beeline for the restroom after rambling out those words, not looking back for even a second. you push the door open once you get there, quickly closing it behind you before turning the sink on and looking at yourself in the mirror. 

get it together, y/n, you told yourself, don’t embarrass her any more than you already have.

you proceeded to splash some cold water onto your face, taking advantage of the fact that you conveniently decided not to wear any makeup today. to call it refreshing would be an understatement, as it helped you gain back composure.

that’s when you heard, and noticed from your peripheral vision, the restroom door cracking open. you turned off the running sink in hurry and turned to the door, wiping the water off of your face with your palm and forearm.

“..you okay?” 

“huh? yeah..” 

she looked at you some more. it was clear that she did not believe you for one second, she therefore locked the door behind you, as to not have anybody interrupt. she was going to ask again, however, she refrained from doing so and let you speak of your own accord.

you quickly understood that she was going to ask again, however, refrained from doing so and let you speak of your own accord. you took a deep breath, then you allowed your vulnerability to manifest itself through your words, just this once.

“..i just feel like.. i don’t know—“ you tried finding the right words to say, but nothing could potentially make the situation any worse than you’ve made it, “are you happy with me, wonyoung?” 

long pause. a very long pause.

she furrowed her eyebrows upwards, “…what?” her voice was now just above a whisper as she processed your words, slightly shaking. despite how subtle it was, you heard the fear in it. “o-of course i am, why wouldn’t i be?”

“i just feel… i feel like you deserve better than me.” you turned away from her, your eyes settling on the mirror before you, once again. “i’m sorry, i don’t wanna be annoying—“

“do i make you feel that way?” she asked almost immediately, cutting you off. her expression giving away her heavy dejection despite her best attempt to mask it. “do i make you feel like you’re not enough?”

hurting you is the last thing she would ever want to do, she’s certain she’d rather die a horrible death on the spot than cause you pain.

“no, of course not!” you responded just as fast, your gaze meeting hers as you turn to face her once again, “you’re great towards me, amazing, even. it’s… it’s just that, i’m scared that you’re doing it out of pure guilt.. is all—”

she, in response, was no longer taken aback. finally having understood what was on your mind throughout this whole outing, her worry evaporated from her face, leaving room for a sympathetic expression, “guilt?” she walked your way and stood beside you, her big hands now cupping your cheeks and holding them in a warm, loving embrace. “if i really was dating you out of guilt, would i really ask you to go out with me to meet my friends?”

“i don’t want you doubting my love for you ever again, okay?” she added, her eyebrows furrowed, now looking practically offended. “i mean, come on, let’s not forget that i have standards.”

interpreting your silence and the way you looked up at her as uncertainty, she continued, smiling at you, “and you exceed every single one; you’re amazing, y/n. you’re gorgeous, so incredibly smart, talented, understanding, so kind and genuine, too. the list could go on, honestly, but most important of all, i love you, i love you so much, and there is truly nothing in this world that’ll be able to change that.. i never, ever, wanna hear you say any of that again. also, never scare me like that? ever?”

“but—“

“nuh uh!” she hovered her index finger over your mouth, silencing you before you could protest, “no buts! you’re perfect and i’m very incredibly lucky to be with you, that’s final.” she insisted, before mumbling to herself, “also, i should probably tell rei to cut it down on the sarcastic jokes, shouldn’t i.. she gets comfortable way too easily—“

“no wony, i know she meant no harm. plus, i would’ve found it funny if i wasn’t so in my own head..” 

she sighed, then nodded. and as corny as it was, that whole conversation was enough to fully reassure you again. you cracked a shy and content smile, to which she happily reciprocated whilst gently stroking your hair with her hand, leaving a loving kiss on your forehead. “i love you, wonyoung, i’m sorry.” you muttered, barely audible. 

she groaned, having heard you, and rolled her eyes jokingly, “will you stop apologizing so much?” before smiling with nothing but love and admiration in her eyes, “i love you too dumbass, so much, and i’m afraid i’ll never stop.” she added, before leaving a small peck on your lips.

you returned the kiss, having wonyoung leaning into you and gently pushing you onto the sink. your hands went on both sides of her face and cupped her cheeks, your girlfriend melting into your touch with a smile immediately before pulling away and looking into your eyes.

now being in the right headspace and paying proper attention to her appearance, you just now noticed how good wonyoung really looked that day; her long brown hair perfectly straightened at the top and being more on the wavy side on the ends, the whole hairstyle being all, quite literally, tied together by a lavender-coloured ribbon. you’ve also noticed that she decided to wear her favorite  navy blue and white striped knit sweater and tucked it under the waistband of her blue denim jeans, incredibly effective in drawing attention to her waist whilst also keeping a cozy look.

she looked beautiful, there was absolutely no doubt about that, but your mind kept wandering further. you thought about how much more beautiful she’d look wearing nothing, before being hit with the sad truth that the two of you are in a public bathroom, and that the latter was very unlikely to happen.

still though, you smiled to yourself as your eyes trained down on her body, getting lost in dirty thought before looking up at her again. once your gaze met wonyoung’s, you watched her lips form into a stupid smile before she spoke again, making you realize how dearly you missed listening to her honey-like voice despite having heard it roughly 30 seconds prior.

“and what are you looking at exactly?” she tilted her head slightly, flirtatiously sliding her hand up and down your sides as she awaited your answer.

it’s crazy how your girlfriend of several months could still manage to turn your stomach to literal mush, every single thing about her made you short-circuit; her mannerisms, the way she talked to you, the way she always put her hands on the right spot, her smile… she was clearly out to get you.

and it didn’t look like that was going to change anytime soon.

“..nothing,” you replied, taking a short pause as you took in all of her features, before adding on, “you look good, babe.”

that pet name made sense again, you felt like yourself again.

“yeah?” she spoke back, now placing her two hands atop each side of the sink that you were already leaning on. her face now mere inches away from yours, your nostrils suddenly invaded by the hypnotizing smell of the sugary, expensive perfume she had on, the one that drove you nuts, “thanks for noticing.”

it took one last dorky smile from her before you officially lost your shit and pulled her back in for a kiss, this one hungrier than the previous, and it didn’t take much for wonyoung to acknowledge the desire you felt for her, either. she’d also be lying if she said she didn’t want you just as much. 

you could taste the cherry lip gloss she had put on previously as your lips danced in sync with hers, 

“wait,” you said in between kisses, “what about the others?”

“oh don’t worry,” she chuckled, wearing a knowing expression and slightly shaking her head in amusement at the thought, “they’re definitely keeping each other distracted. i would even go as far as to say that they completely forgot about us even coming along in the first place.”

as insane as it may sound, you could totally picture jiwon completely discarding her food and endlessly rambling about quite literally the dumbest thing ever whilst rei admired her silently, listening to every word the other girl spoke, entranced as she took tiny sips of her drink, perhaps as an attempt to make the moment last forever.

the two of you giggled to yourselves, seemingly having thought of the exact same thing before the urge to have wonyoung ruin you in this very bathroom hit you once more, only harder this time. 

it didn’t take long for your girlfriend to lean back into you, now making her painfully slow way down to your jaw, then to your neck, planting messy and lazy pecks across the skin. you felt her smiling against you with relish, taking in each and every soft noise that escaped from your mouth. her hands were growing more and more curious by the second, which caused them to explore and slide further down from the spot they initially settled on; your lower stomach and waist. they eventually worked their way up your black pleated skirt, teasing your entrance through the soft fabric of your already damp underwear.

that went on for a long while, so long so that you felt the pool in between your legs growing with each rub of the finger she gave you.

“god, look at you,” she then whispered against your neck, marking it up right to her liking, “perfect, always so perfect for me.” and watching you not-so-subtly grinding your hips against her hand at the words, longing for any sort of friction you could get. 

“wonyoung–” you whined out quietly, using all of your willpower to not make too much noise so as to not let the other people in the restaurant hear you through the closed door. she heard you though, she heard you loud and clear and that was all that mattered to her. she pretended that she didn’t, however, and pulled away from your neck to properly look at you to raise a knowing eyebrow at you. the back and forth motion she was doing on your clothed pussy now much, much slower. “what was that baby?”

“please.” you breathed out shakily, “i need you.. bad.”

“do you now?” she responded, cocky.

you nodded almost immediately.

she let out a tsk sound in response, “couldn’t even wait ‘till we get home, huh?” that confirmation was all it took for her to finally push your panties to the side just enough to be able to spread your cunt and squeeze her fingers into it, which was very wet enough to welcome her digits, she slowly inserted them further in. 

“so impatient, just for me, right?” she whispered, watching you as you nodded once again, this time more keen. she then paused, quietly taking in all of your reactions to her different  words and teasing, more than satisfied, she scoffed, “fuck, i love you—“

she pressed her lips against yours again, eager; she truly couldn’t get enough of you, everything about you was all she could ever want. you couldn’t help but let a guttural groan escape from your lips in response to her two fingers fully sliding inside of you in one swift motion, filling your insides up perfectly. you were undeniably loud, but the kiss definitely contributed to quieting you down, muffling the noise of your pleasure, the squelching sounds of your pussy being the only audible thing occupying the air.

it didn’t take long before she started pumping her fingers in and out of you, finding a slow and steady pace before fully ravaging your core. she quickly pulled away to catch a glimpse of the scene happening on the lower side of things; her hand reaching into your skirt and working its magic. the sight of that worked the both of you up even more, and she would’ve completely gotten rid of every piece of the clothing that’s in her way to you right then and there,

but then again, this was a public bathroom.

and you two were very quickly reminded of that once you heard knocking at the locked door, as well as tussling of the doorknob. wonyoung and you froze, albeit a very polite pair of knocking and turning, it scared the shit out of you.

“y/n? wonyoung? are you guys okay in there?” you heard rei’s easily discernible voice on the other side of the door. your eyes darted between it and wonyoung, mere inches away from you (who also seemed visibly panicked, as well as amused.)

well wonyoung was incredibly wrong in assuming they forgot about you two.

in a silent, mutual agreement sealed by a nod, you came up with a pitiful excuse, fighting back every potential shake of your voice that could manifest itself, “y-yeah, uh, i’m just fixing up my makeup and—“

suddenly, you felt your girlfriend’s thumb pressing on your sensitive and swollen bundle of nerves without warning, and began to rub it in a slow and painful circular motion, wearing a slight smirk while doing so. your stomach immediately dropped at the feeling, and your first instinct was to bite your lip as you tried your hardest not to moan out wonyoung’s name out loud,

obviously, you wanted to, but couldn’t; especially not when rei’s on the other side, worried about you two.

the tall brunette threw you a teasing glance, her expression practically reading ‘go on, keep going.’ so, as a matter of principle, you did. you pulled on her knit sweater in overwhelm, oh so desperate to just cum already and not risk getting caught and definitely kicked out, just imagining that walk of shame gave you goosebumps, “w-wonyoung’s with m-me.”

“okay! oh and also, jiwon wanted me to ask if you were gonna finish your food.” 

as bad as it was, your thoughts at that moment resembled ‘oh my god why isn’t she leaving yet’, especially when your love thought it was an amazing idea to casually fingerfuck you again, her fingers finding their familiar pace and curling against your g-spot perfectly. you kept tugging on her top, mouth slightly agape in surprise and overwhelming pleasure as you tried to come up with an answer.

“yes!” you cleared your throat after having that first word coming out a bit too excited for your liking, then continued, “yes, t-tell her she can have all of the remaining fries s-she wants.” you looked at wonyoung with hooded eyes right after slurring out those words, shaking your head in desperation. not at all in the right state of mind to even listen to her friend’s response who then thankfully left, you mouthed the words ‘i wanna cum so bad.’ to her.

she was gonna keep teasing you, but she decided that you’ve endured more than enough for that day. with her other hand, she settled her palm onto your mouth; she knew how loud you got when hitting climax. a few more pumps of her fingers into your puffy cunt was all it took for you to grip onto her sweater as you came all over her hand, eyes rolled back whilst you moaned and pleaded into her hand, bucking your hips into her and riding your high on her palm, her thumb still pressing your clit.

pulling her slander fingers out of you, she quickly made you taste how good you were and made sure you thoroughly and carefully licked every inch of it clean as you hazily muttered ‘i love you’s in between lick and sucks.

one thing was for sure, sitting back down at the table wearing underwear full of your slick was definitely an element of great embarrassment,

but at least you were now fully reassured that dating you was not at all one for wonyoung.

[hotpinkstars]

WE NEED THE COMFORTT FOR THE BLIND READER FUN YOU CAN’T LEAVE US HANGING LIKE THIS?????? (can’t do angst no comfort 😔)

-> blinded mistakes - happy ending

synopsis -> your husband feels bad for the way he snapped the other day. how does he make it up to you?

a/n -> approximately 28 people have asked for a part 2. this is insane i have so many people to tag (who aren't anons, obviously) BUT THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE ON MY OTHER ONE OMGGGGG!!!! i love u all sm

warnings -> crying, but that's kinda all lol. this ones mostly just fluff!

w/c -> 951

-> kamisato ayato

it’s been a few days since the argument. 

ayato had been given an extension due to his circumstances, and didn’t have to worry about the ruined papers due to the kindness from the city's higher-ups who assigned him such papers in the first place. a lot of them were salvageable, too.

once he finished them, he leaned back, smiling from the stress relief. he got up, grabbed a cup of tea from the kitchen, and realized something.

you weren’t in the main room, waiting for him to leave his office so you two could spend some time together.

he then thought back about the events that took place. his chest immediately fills with regret at the words spoken to you. coincidentally, ayaka walked into the room.

“ayaka, have you seen y/n?” he hurried to his sister, who simply sighed.

“they’ve been in their room. they’ve been beating themselves up about the incident, so now they’re afriad of moving incase they bother you more,” she brushed past him. “good luck making amends. they’re incredibly hurt.”

he nodded, processing the information. he pacewalked to your shared bedroom, where he opened the door to see your sleeping form. 

he sat next to you, stroking your hair until you woke up. when you felt a hand on top of your head, you flinched a little bit.

“who’s there?” you said in a soft voice, unwilling to cause more issues by lashing out or showing aggression. 

“ayato,” he took his hand off your head. “i’ve come to say i’m sorry.”

you got up and found the headboard, slowly resting yourself up on it. “why all of the sudden? i hope you understand that you really hurt me, ayato. i’ve been too scared to get up these last few days because of the way you made me feel. the only times i’ve gotten up were to go to the restroom, bathe, and eat, but thoma would bring me something here. i still think about the words you said and your gestures.”

he looked down, sighing. he didn’t realize how much of an effect his words and actions had on you, but now that he’s hearing it from you, it seems like two more tons added to his shoulders. “don’t worry about it. it was salvageable, and you hadn’t ruined anything.”

“i wish you told me that when it happened, ayato,” you started to tear up. “i forgive you, but i don’t want to hear that again. it made me feel like shit.”

he nodded, hugging you tight, letting you cry into his shoulder. you felt around his body to realize he was wearing his white and blue suit, the one he usually goes out to fight in. 

“i’m not ruining this suit, right…?” you brought your face off his shoulder, but he immediately shoved it back in the same spot, silently telling you the obvious answer. 

he was glad he was able to resolve things. he couldn’t imagine a life without you.

-> wriothesley

it’s been about a week since wriothesley has seen you. he figured you went out of the fortress, staying over at a hotel or with a friend, like navia or chlorinde. he pretty much figured it would be chlorinde, considering she hasn’t come down to the fortress or has tried to initiate contact with him since the incident. 

he figured he’d try knocking on both doors, starting with navia. once navia told him everything he needed to know; that you were with chlorinde, he rushed over to her place.

“what are you doing here?” she scoffs as she opened the door, leaning against the doorframe. “your wife told me everything. i hope to trust that you didn’t embarrass her in front of the people who work for the palais mermonia, especially monsieur neuvillette himself.”

he shook his head, rubbing at his temples. “just let me see her, would you? i want to apologize.”

she nodded, clearing the doorway, allowing him to rush into the spare bedroom. 

you knew he was the one coming towards your room, considering his footsteps were a lot heavier than anyone you’ve ever known. his were tough, threatening. 

“wriothesley! w-what are you-” you started, your heart beating a little faster.

“i want to apologize for the things i said. i didn’t have to completely redo all my papers, and neuvillette understood the situation, and i was able to get an extent.”

you shook your head. “so you embarrassed me then, huh? you told them everything? that your stupid blind wife who is not even near good enough for you ruined your work?” 

he was speechless. he didn’t know how to respond to that sentence, so he put his hands on your shoulders, asking for silent permission to take you into a hug. once you nodded, he embraced you tightly. 

“no, i didn’t tell them that. i told him it was just a spill, and that i was able to save some of the papers. neuvillette is a very understanding man, and this never happens. i never need new copies or need extents, so he was willing to do it this time. nothing about you came up in our conversation,” he swallowed a lump in his throat before going on. “and you’re not stupid. you’re also the perfect choice for me, not good enough my ass. no matter what i have to do to make you see that, just because you have a disability doesn’t mean you’re unworthy.”

you started to cry, letting the tears spill into his chest, creating a damp spot on his tie. 

“so you don’t hate me then?” you sniffed.

“no, not at all. i couldn’t bring myself to hate you for something as dumb as that.”

[toruro]

love you twice — j. wonwoo — part three

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4

description: in which your extremely hot and sexy one night stand turns out to be your son’s teacher. naturally, chaos ensues, but you might just find love as your life continues to take an unexpected turn.

warnings/tags: sexual content (18+), oral (f receiving), phone sex, mentions of past toxic relationships, thigh riding, wall sex, use of pet names (mostly angel and good girl)

w/c: 8.3k

a/n: so sorry this took a while to get out! i’ve had lots of work and just finished up traveling soooo writing this got pushed back but! that gave me time to brainstorm since i honestly never expected this story to be more than two parts LOL! but i appreciate all the love and support <3 all your comments and messages have made me so happy, and i hope you like this!

“Hey Kei-Kei!” you call out, walking out to the playground to watch your son play with his friends. It’s Friday, and of course that means fun day. You sit down at a bench crossing your arms over your chest as Kei makes his way from the slide to run up to you.

“Hey Mommy, I can play today, right?” he asks with a hopeful smile. You reach down to ruffle his hair a little, nodding.

“Yeah of course. I’ll wait here, so come to me if you need anything, okay?”

“Mhm,” he agrees, before running back to play with his friends. You smile contently, leaning back into the bench when you see a familiar figure approach from the corner of your vision.

“Hey,” Wonwoo greets cooly, sitting down next to you. It’s been a week since your fourth date, and you haven’t seen him since. Your fingers are aching to reach over and hold his hand, yet you hold your touch, glancing at Kei.

“Hi, how was your day?” you ask casually, turning to him to see him better.

“It’s great. Fridays are always great, aren’t they?”

“I guess you’re right about that. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t happy that it was Friday,” you murmur to yourself thoughtfully before turning your attention back to Wonwoo. He’s about to respond, but then you both hear a familiar voice calling for you.

“Hey Mommy,” Kei greets, running up to you from the side without noticing Wonwoo sitting next to you. “‘m getting tired now,” he says admittedly, and you pay on your lap to invite him.

“Is that so…” you murmur, “You gonna say ‘hi’ to Mr. Jeon?” You raise your brow and crook your head toward the man next to you, Kei turning slowly to realize who it is.

“Hi Mr. Jeon!” he exclaims happily, jumping onto your lap and waving brightly at his teacher. “What’cha doing here? Aren’t you on your weekend? My mom hates being at her work when she’s started her weekend, she always complains when her boss calls her on the evenings on Fridays.” Your cheeks burn as Wonwoo laughs, and you turn away.

“Is that so?” Wonwoo asks, looking up at you with a teasing glance. “Well, I can’t say I call this work, Kei. I enjoy talking to your m—“ he pauses to glance at you. There’s something thick in the air, as if there’s a line he doesn’t know if he should cross. “—I enjoy this,” he chooses to say.

Kei, in his young innocence, doesn’t pick up on Wonwoo’s hesitance. “Hmm, okay,” he says, placing a finger on his chin as if he’s thinking.

You look down at him, placing a hand on his head. “Do you want to go home now?” you ask him, eyes flickering at Wonwoo and sending a sympathetic gaze his way—you aren’t fond of cutting your time with him so early.

“Aren’t you talking to Mr. Jeon?” Kei asks, and your heart nearly melts at his consideration.

“Yeah, but if you want to go home we will,” you reassure. Kei frowns, and Wonwoo chimes in.

“If you’re tired you should go with your mom, Kei. Playing is nice, but you should always listen to your body,” Wonwoo explains, standing up.

Kei’s frown deepens, and you furrow your brows, peering down at him. It’s not often that Kei is pouty like this, so you aren’t sure what’s going on. He’s motioning his hand for you to come close, and you figure he wants to tell you a secret. Leaning in, Kei brings his face up to your ear.

“I wanna talk to Mr. Jeon,” he whispers, and you have to bite down on your lip to hold back your grin as you pull back, giving him a small nod.

“Why don’t we talk together Wonwoo?” you suggest to the man standing next to you, and you can tell his eyes light up at the idea as he sits down.

“Yeah of course. What do you wanna talk about, Kei?” he asks, leaning an elbow on his knees to lean forward in interest.

“Okay so in class today you were talking about pie but I was wondering why you…” Kei continues to talk on his own tangent as you find yourself being into your own thoughts. Your heart swells at the sight, and it’s a wonderful reminder of just why Wonwoo is a teacher and why he has such a good reputation.

After a few minutes of Kei going back and forth with Wonwoo with his curious questions, you take note of the chilling air around you, and so does Wonwoo. “Anyways Kei, it was so nice talking to you but it’s getting a bit cold. You shouldn’t be out here for too long,” he says, standing up.

Kei pouts once more, and while you did cave once, you aren’t keen on doing it again. “He’s right Kei-Kei, I don’t want you to get sick…” you murmur, voice trailing off as you watch the look of defeat on your son’s face. A thought crosses your mind as you catch the look on Wonwoo’s face.

“Hey Kei, we can go to that restaurant tonight,” you tell him, enjoying the way his face lights up. “And…” you mumble, looking up at Wonwoo who stands above you, “maybe Mr. Jeon would like to tag along?”

Wonwoo’s eyes widen, and for a moment you’re scared that you’ve crossed the invisible line—it’s not as if you've made anything official, or talking about bringing things up with Kei, so this is all unknown territory. It’s silent, and you’re about to turn away and retract your idea before Wonwoo speaks.

“I’d like that,” he says, and you can tell he’s trying to hide your excitement. Your body courses with relief, and you look down at Kei for the final confirmation. As expected, there’s a grin adorning his face and you break out a smile of your own.

“Yay!” he squeals, hopping off from his seat on your lap. You purse your lips as you stand up and turn to Wonwoo slightly worriedly.

“Is this okay?” you ask quietly, as Kei runs across the playground to grab his backpack.

Wonwoo gives you a stern look, and you feel like you might go cozy from how intense his gaze is. “Are you okay with this?” he shoots back. “You’re his mom. Don’t do this if you don’t want,” he tells you more softly this time. “Don’t rush for me. I can wait. I will.” Your stomach tumbles at the words and implications—that Wonwoo is here, that he will be here, that he will be patient.

You let the words sink into your mind for a moment. You like Wonwoo—like really like him—and you want to tread carefully. You don’t want to make a stupid mistake by rushing into things, ruining the one good thing that’s come to you after Kei. Yet again, your gut feeling is nearly always right, and right now your gut is telling you that nothing but good can come out of this dinner between the three of you.

So that’s pretty much how you end up at your and Kei’s favorite diner, you and your son sitting side by side at the booth while Wonwoo sits across, his hands neatly folded as Kei continues to talk to him. You aren’t sure what’s possessed him—it’s really cute, honestly—but he’s never this talkative and you wonder just what it is about Wonwoo that has Kei so comfortably chatty.

“What do you like to get from here Kei?” Wonwoo asks, leaning forward in your son’s direction. Kei bounces up in his seat, pointing down at the menu, you and the man in front of you sharing a fond look before turning back to him.

“I like the chicken sandwich and the macaroni and the vanilla cake is so yummy even my mommy likes it and she doesn’t like vanilla and then I also like the chicken nuggets and—” You place a hand on his shoulder, and Kei stops to look up at you.

“Slow down, Kei-Kei,” you tell him. “One at a time, okay?”

“Okay Mommy,” Kei replies absentmindedly before turning back to Wonwoo to continue, “so then there’s chicken nuggets and I also like the milkshake and my mommy’s favorite is the fries but I don’t like them that much and I also like…”

Kei’s voice trails off in your head, your mind being pulled into some other world as the scene in front of you sinks in. You feel warm, you feel comfortable, you feel happy.

You’re floating in an off land world, and suddenly all of your worries have disappeared. All you see is bright white and three shadows. It’s a silent promise to yourself, you realize, and as you focus back on the banter between your son and your boyfriend, you become even more determined to follow through with it.

The evening ends with Kei not once halting his immersive conversation with Wonwoo, and if anything, you’re surprised that the latter still has it in him to listen so carefully and attentively. As he walks you two to your car, you’re hit with the slight disappointment that you can’t quite give him the goodbye kiss you would want to, but you both settle on sharing a long and intense few seconds of eye contact that sends you the message you both need to hear.

Arriving home, you wash yourself and Kei up, and after tucking him into bed you’re met with a text from your one and only.

i had fun

You grin.

i did too

It’s the next week, and you are once again in a rush before another date with Wonwoo. This time at least, you prepared your outfit ahead of time, but you spent maybe a little too long trying to find where you kept your favorite set of earrings which set you back about twenty minutes.

“Ugh, I’m sorry, I didn’t have time to make you guys some food,” you grumble to Jun once you have everything in your home in place, looking at your cousin exhausted.

He chuckles, “It’s alright, don’t worry, I’ll get us takeout or something.”

“I’ll make it up by making your favorite next time,” you promise, leaning against the counter. You spent the last few moments rushing around the house trying to find Kei’s stuffed animal that he insisted on having with him every night, eventually finding it stuck behind the fridge (how it ended up there, you still don’t know).

“I like the sound of that. You got a date tonight?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“So,” Jun says with an eyebrow raised. His voice is unusually teasing, and you give him a wary look as you take a sip of water. “Wonwoo, huh?”

You choke on the water, coughing and sputtering liquid everywhere over your counter as you turn to look at Jun with wide eyes. “How the fuck do you—“ you gasp out, before wheezing once more.

“He’s friends with Minghao you know,” Jun explains with a smirk as he leans back onto the fridge. “Me and him have met up a few times for dinner with friends and Kei was just telling me how you had dinner with Kei and his teacher…and so I asked for his teacher’s name and when he did it rang a bell and well…I put two and two together.”

You hardly blink as Jun finishes up his tangent, the words processing in half speed. Jun chuckles at your state, patting your shoulder lightly. “Wonwoo’s a great guy. It’s kind of funny though. How you’re like dating Kei’s teacher.”

“Shut up!” you shriek, punching his shoulder. “Don’t bring that part up, it’s embarrassing.”

“Hey, you kind of brought this upon yourself. Definitely unexpected, but I guess it’s a funny story.”

“It’s not funny,” you murmur solemnly, burying your face in your hands. “It’s so stressful Jun.”

The humorous look on your cousin’s face is now replaced with one of concern as your voice lowers. “Okay, I’m sorry for making fun of you. I’m happy you’ve found someone you like, and that he’s like, actually someone decent,” he adds, alluding to your previous past failed relationships.

Rolling your eyes, you huff, “Wonwoo is great…it’s just complicated. For Kei, you know? How am I supposed to bring things up with him, if things do end up going further.”

Jun looks up thoughtfully before responding. “I think…you should listen to your instincts. You haven’t really dated since Seojun—hey, don’t give me that look—“

“Do you have to bring him up,” you groan, throwing your head back. Jun shoots you an apologetic look but doesn’t relent.

“Look, I’m just saying that the fact that you’re even with Wonwoo right now is a good sign that you’re ready. You’ve never done anything without putting Kei first, and I know that you’re thinking about him every step of the way, so trust yourself. And Wonwoo is great—dude he’s literally a first grade teacher.”

“Yeah, I know, but he’s Kei’s teacher,” you emphasize. “Like imagine how confusing that is for him.”

“I guess, but like if you’re confident about your relationship or whatever with Wonwoo then I think you should trust that.”

“I dunno,” you sigh, walking out of the kitchen.

Jun follows behind you, placing a hand on your shoulder so you can look at him properly. “Trust me, and trust yourself. It’ll be fine.”

Fuck, you think to yourself, because you sure hope so. Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you find Kei in his room, giving him a quick hug and bidding him goodbye with a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you in a few hours, okay Kei-Kei?”

Focused on his own little drawing, he waves back with a small smile before turning his attention back to his drawing, saying something along the lines of, “Bye-bye Mommy!” Retreating back to the doorway where Jun stands, you check your phone for the time before picking up your purse and heading toward the door.

“Have fun with Wonwoo. I’ll be sure to ask him how it goes,” Jun says with a smirk as you turn the knob, glaring at your cousin.

“Do it and I’ll tell Minghao how you used his toothbrush on your last trip because you forgot your own,” you threaten.

Jun laughs as you walk out into the apartment hallway before worriedly calling out, “Hey you wouldn’t actually do that. Right? Right? RIGHT?!”

Wonwoo’s car is parked out in front of your building, his windows down so he can watch you walking out. When you recognize him and his car, you smile brightly and Wonwoo thinks his heart damn nearly pops out of his chest as you bound toward him.

“About time,” he greets with a smile, unlocking the doors as you approach the passenger seat. You roll your eyes at him as you open the door and slip in. Instead of responding, you choose to lean over the midrest and press a firm kiss onto Wonwoo’s lips, pulling back just as quickly as you dove in.

“Is someone complaining?” you retort, reaching back to put on your seatbelt, grinning at the way the tips of his ears turn pink and he turns back to look at the road.

“Not at all,” he replies quickly, and you’re surprised that he doesn’t sound as flustered as he looks, making it a personal goal to embarrass him just a little more the next time you have the chance.

The rest of the car ride is quiet, save for the radio playing in the background and small conversations about the view as he drives you to the spot he took you on your first date. Pulling up into the field, you grin at the familiar scene. The evening air is warm but the breeze is cool and refreshing on your skin, oranges and pinks painting the sky as you help Wonwoo take out the picnic blanket from the trunk and lay it out on a flat patch of grass.

“So,” you begin, sitting down across from him on the blanket as he pulls out some packed food. Handing you a plate, you grin, watching him settle down himself. “Jun?” you ask curiously, wondering the extent of his friendship with your cousin.

Wonwoo looks up at you with an odd look, one eyebrow raised. “Jun? What about him? You know him?” he asks all at once, causing you to giggle.

“You know him?” you counter, and he scoffs.

“Of course I know him. Him and his best friend are basically joined at the hip—he never shuts up about Jun,” Wonwoo groans as he stands up to walk back to the car to grab something.

“Minghao?” you call out, eyes trailing his figure.

“Who else, babe, who else?” Wonwoo mutters sarcastically, bringing out a bottle of champagne, much to your delight. You chuckle at his response, leaning back on your hands. “So, how do you know Jun?” he asks, sitting back down cross-legged in front of you.

“He’s my cousin,” you say casually, holding up one glass he’s brought down so he can pour you some. Wonwoo seems to falter in shock for a moment, eyes flickering at yours to confirm that you aren’t joking before pouring out the bubbling drink.

“Really? I didn’t expect that.”

“Are you surprised?”

“Hmm, I don’t know if that’s the right way to put it,” Wonwoo replies with a shrug, pouring his own glass and holding it up to yours so you can clink them together with a small ‘cheers.’ “I’m not that close with Jun. I guess you can say it’s a pleasant surprise, you know? We’re connected.” Your heart flutters at the words, scooting yourself closer to him. “How’d you know I know Jun?”

“Well,” you trail off, grabbing your fork and popping one of the fritters Wonwoo brought into your mouth, “Jun actually figured it out first. Apparently one day when he was babysitting Kei, Kei let it slip that we had dinner together and Jun asked for your name and…well he isn’t stupid so he got it.”

“Kei told him?” Wonwoo asks, and you can hear the twinge of worry in his voice. Reaching out a hand, you give him a comforting look.

“Yeah, I told him not to tell other kids at his school but obviously that doesn’t include Jun so he just mentioned it,” you explain.

“Oh thank god,” Wonwoo mutters. “Imagine the earful I’d get from the principal if word got around the parents that I was taking my student and his mother out for dinner.”

“I can imagine the earful you’d get from other moms to have their own dinners with you,” you murmur, huffing at the thought. Wonwoo gives you a funny look. “Okay don’t give me that look, you know they think you’re hot.”

“But I am hot,” Wonwoo replies smugly, and you glare at him as you pull your hand away from his to cross them over your chest.

“Whatever,” you grumble, turning your head away. Catching onto your sulky mood, Wonwoo reaches out on his own to grab your forearm to tug you towards him. You stumble over your knees a little, but within seconds his arms are steadying around your waist and pulling you next to him so you can rest your body against him.

“Okay sorry,” he tells you sincerely, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I can’t control how they think, but I can control how I think, and I think that you’re the hottest person alive.”

Your cheeks burn, and you squeeze your eyes shut in his hold. “Shut up, don’t be corny.” Wonwoo laughs, holding up a sandwich to the front of your lips, encouraging you to open up. As you heed his silent requests, Wonwoo responds.

“You know you love it.”

Mouth full, you grumble something about telling him to shut up again, which has Wonwoo laughing more.

“Can I ask you something?” he asks after some time spent finishing your food and bickering, and you can tell from the way his voice is an octave deeper that this conversation is taking a different turn.

“Yeah, of course,” you say as you shift your head to a more comfortable position on his shoulder.

“And you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” he adds and you furrow your eyebrows, looking up at him. His expression is unreadable, but you have an idea of where this is going.

Thinking for a moment, you reply, “It’s about Kei’s father, isn’t it?”

Wonwoo frowns. “Am I that readable?” You smirk slightly at the way his cheeks tint pink, continuing, “Like I said, you don’t have to answer. I’m just curious.”

“No it’s okay, you deserve to know,” you quickly tell him, shyly adding the last part before turning back to look at the meadows in front of you. “Since you’re like, actually my boyfriend now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Wonwoo,” you breath out with a chuckle.

“Okay, okay, sorry just tell me.”

“Kei’s father and I dated in high school and college, but it was mostly on and off. It was weird. He was kind of weird.”

“Weird?” Wonwoo asks, raising a brow.

“We just didn’t match. Would get into arguments and break up over stupid shit and get back together for god-knows-why,” you explain, reaching for one of Wonwoo’s hands to play with as you recount the story. He lets his hand relax as you run the pads of your fingers over his palm, tracing them over the lines absentmindedly as you recount.

It’s a story that you haven’t often had to tell—you haven’t had anyone to tell—and the words feel odd on your tongue. The story of you and Seojun—no, actually, it’s the story of you and Kei—is one that you’ve mauled over in your mind for the past five years, spending endless tears to the point where even if you wanted to cry right now, you wouldn’t be able to.

“What’s this guy’s name by the way?” Wonwoo asks, interrupting your thoughts.

“Why do you wanna know?” you ask teasingly. “Gonna kick his ass or something?”

“I might,” he responds playfully, suddenly holding your hand that’s playing with his, bringing it close to the warmth of his body.

“Seojun. I think me getting pregnant was his kind of reality check that he wasn’t meant to be, as ironic as that sounds. Probably realized that fatherhood wasn’t for him, and so I wasn’t either,” you chuckle to yourself, and for the first time in a while, you laughing at yourself isn’t bitter, it’s light-hearted.

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo tells you sincerely, and you can tell when you look up at him that his eyes are searching for the right words to say. “That must have been hard—to go through that alone.”

“I managed. I had Jun helping me anyways.” There’s a silence, and you feel there’s more Wonwoo wants to ask, yet he’s holding his tongue. You realize now that this might be an awkward topic for him to ask about, and you squeeze his hand tightly in reassurance. “Is there anything else you want to know? I told you, I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

Wonwoo sighs, looking down at you with an expression that is more solemn than anything. “I don’t want to probe.”

“You’re not. I’d want to know too,” you clarify. “I’m not upset about this or anything. I got over it a long, long time ago, so this isn’t really like an uncomfortable topic for me. Honestly, I was never even upset about Seojun in the first place, I was just upset that Kei wouldn’t have a dad.”

“What does Kei know, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Nothing really. I guess he’s kind of aware that most people have two parents,” you murmur. “He doesn’t ask any questions though, I’m not sure why.”

“Kei’s smart,” Wonwoo tells you, letting go of your hand to run it through your hair soothingly. “Both academically and emotionally. Maybe he just knows when and where he should ask certain questions.”

“He’ll have to know sooner or later. I’m guessing later it is,” you say, rubbing your eyes a little from having them open for too long. “I guess this just makes my job easier. I have more time to think about it.” A thought crosses your mind, and you look up at Wonwoo with wide eyes. “Why do you want to know all this? I don’t mind, I’m just curious.”

Wonwoo chews on his lip, and you take a mental image (fuck, he looks hot, but now isn’t the time for that), before he responds, “Well you know I’m serious about you,” he begins to explain, and right off the bat do you feel something bubble up in your stomach—butterflies. “I just wanted to know the situation with Kei, so I have an idea of where that places me, you know?” You can tell he’s trying to be casual about it but the slight waver in his voice gives away his anxiousness.

“Mhm,” you agree. “It’s confusing, for me too. I think we should just go with the flow. If you really want to know more though,” you say, tossing him a playful glance, “Seojun isn’t going to come back any time soon. Or ever, for that matter, so you don’t have much to worry about.”

“Not much…so there’s still stuff to worry about?” Wonwoo chuckles nervously.

“Well you still gotta get through Kei—he’s the toughest judge, you know?”

“Is that so?” Wonwoo murmurs. “I guess I’ll have to start picking favorites in class now.”

“What a biased teacher!” you gasp dramatically, pulling back from his hold to turn and face him. “I’ll have to report you to the principal!” You crawl into the spot in front of him and place your hands on his chest, pushing him lighty.

Wonwoo grins, circling his hands around your wrists in front of him before replying, “Can you seriously blame me? I’m pretty sure every teacher would have favorites if their students had moms as hot as you.”

Your face burns and you drop your head to his shoulder so Wonwoo can wrap his arms around your torso and pull you onto his lap. “Ugh, you got me there,” you murmur, pulling back and placing your hands on his shoulders before swooping down for a kiss.

It hardly takes more than ten seconds before his tongue is sliding into your mouth, your hips pushing down to meet Wonwoo’s pelvis in an erratic mess. He’s pulling back just as quickly as he dove in, and the feeling of his lips leaving yours makes your head go dizzy.

“While I do love this, I don’t like the idea of doing anything in the car again,” he says casually, putting some space between you two. You frown, but nod along.

“So…” your voice trails off and you’re giving him that look and Wonwoo thinks he might just go insane.

He sighs, pursing his lips into a smile. “So…I guess this just means I’ll have to take you to my place. Again,” he adds, referencing the first night you two spent together after the club. You grin at his words, scrambling off of him and quickly trying to grab the picnic blanket to put back into his car.

“What a shame,” you reply sarcastically as Wonwoo hops up too, the tent in his boxers being ever so prominent. You force yourself to tear away your lustful gaze on the sight and turn back to the car.

Wonwoo gives you a warning look. “You don’t want to?”

“N-no! I never said that,” you mumble, shoving the blanket into the back seat before slipping into the passenger seat. Wonwoo trails slowly behind you, getting into the spot next to you as he starts the engine.

He scoffs, backing into the road. “That’s what I thought.”

As soon as the door shuts behind you when you enter his apartment, Wonwoo is trapping your frame between him and the wall. Your back being pressed up against the wood has the air of your lungs forced out of you and into his mouth as he leans down for a fervent kiss. Whining, you wind your arms around his neck, pressing his lips even harder into yours.

Your tongues meet in a sloppy mess but somehow your uncoordinated movements mesh perfectly in a hot mix of saliva and desperation. This is what you’ve been waiting for, you think.

It’s hard not being able to touch him, kiss him, hold him whenever you want. It’s hard not being able to mark him as yours whenever you please. You know Wonwoo is yours, yes, but it’s hard to hold yourself back when you see him from the corner of your vision when you pick Kei up from school.

Desperate nights in the middle of the week where you stand in the shower, hot water running down your even hotter body, and shove a hand between your thighs as you try to mimic how Wonwoo’s fingers curl into you in all the right ways.

It never feels the same, never, but the mental image of Wonwoo when you’re between his legs, cock stuffed in your mouth, is enough to bring you to the edge. Only barely, of course, and the aftermath of your orgasm always has you leaning against the cool tile in shame and desire.

You couldn’t control yourself one night, calling Wonwoo up at the dangerously horny hour of 11 p.m., not really expecting him to pick up. When he did, you nearly jumped in ecstasy before the breath caught in your throat when he asked if everything’s okay in that sweet tone of his and—fuck—you’re really fucking desperate.

When you bashfully admitted that you were needy, that you were ‘thinkin’ ‘bout him,’ Wonwoo had asked you, ‘thinkin’ about what baby?’ to which you meekly confessed that you were in dire need to feel him, feel the stretch, feel his cock.

He chuckled, and that was your plunge into reality—realization that you fucking called Wonwoo when you were supposed to be asleep, nearly begging him to get you off some way, some how, confessing to him that he’s the only way you can have an orgasm that’s actually worthwhile. Realizing how insane you might have sounded, you almost hung up, but then there was Wonwoo talking and his voice was an octave lower and there were sparks flying through your body.

Wonwoo, all low and hoarse, was murmuring filthy words through the phone, demanded that you stick your pretty fingers in, and rub your clit like the good girl you are until his voice alone was throwing you off the edge. You spasmed around your fingers while Wonwoo worked you through on the other end, whispering praise and sweet nothings until epiphany hit and you started apologizing profusely to him for being needy.

That night, Wonwoo assured you that it was okay. That it was okay you were so needy you needed to beg him for his help to make you cum. That it was okay you couldn’t be patient for him like a good girl. Tonight, you aren’t sure how much of honesty was laced in those words, at least, not with the words he’s spilling into your ear now.

Pinning your hands above your head in a tight hold, Wonwoo mutters, “You’ve been wanting this, huh?”

“W-Wonwoo, fuck,” you gasp when he latches his mouth to your neck, sucking and biting until there are are deep red and purple marks that are bruising your skin. Swiping his tongue over the tinted skin, you feel every part of your body throbbing, aching under his touch.

“Thinkin’ about me in the night,” he continues, letting go of your hands so you can let them fall to his head, gripping tightly onto his hair. Wonwoo brings his own arms to your waist, hiking them up your shirt and looping them through your belt loops to yank down your shorts. You shuffle your feet out of the loose clothing, managing nothing more than a moan when he wedges a thigh between your legs.

The hard muscle flexes through the denim of his jeans, Wonwoo’s hands on your waist helping you grind your throbbing core down on him. “Wonwoo,” you choke out, grabbing aimlessly at his shirt, tugging, pulling—anything to get it out of the way. It’s the first time you two have done anything since your first date, and it’s been even longer since you’ve seen him shirtless, thinking back to your first fateful night together. You briefly ponder on how things have changed in only a matter of a few months since then, and the rush of it all has you feeling dizzy and your knees growing weak as you lazily rock your hips against Wonwoo’s thigh, watching him peel his shirt off.

You suck in a break when you catch sight of the valleys and mountains of his chest—the curves that hug him so well and the abs that trail below, causing your eyes to be directed at the filthy v-line which disappears under the waistband of his jeans. “Like what you see?” Wonwoo grins, grabbing your chin and pushing you into a kiss as he slips one hand under your shirt. You choose to help him out when you pull away, quickly pulling the shirt over your head, letting it fall to the ground.

“Of course I like what I see,” you say without a hint of shame, your words coming out in pants as you feel a low pleasure grow as Wonwoo starts to bounce his thigh slightly. You whine when he lets his thigh fall, feet hitting the ground as you swivel your body in hopes to chase the feeling, causing him to chuckle at you.

“Patience angel, you’ll get what you want soon enough,” he eases, pulling away from your body slightly.

You pout. “And how do you know what I want?” you retort, immediately regretting your bratty choice of words as Wonwoo narrows his eyes at you. He doesn’t say anything as he sinks to his knees in front of you, watching you give him a confused look.

Tapping on one of your thighs, you lift it slightly only for Wonwoo to grab it and throw it over his shoulder, the realization that his face is dangerously close to your cunt finally sinking in. “Huh…” he breaths out, bringing his lips close to your soiled panties. “You don’t want this then?” he murmurs, not breaking eye contact with you throughout.

“N-n-no, I do,” you say hurriedly, shifting your position slightly so that you can balance yourself better against the wall. Your other leg has its heel pressed into Wonwoo’s back, and if it’s hurting him, he doesn’t say a thing. All either of you can really focus on right now is the smell of your arousal intoxicating Wonwoo’s system, and the intense gaze of his eyes on yours.

“Good girl,” he mumbles, and you press your eyes tight because you feel you might cum at the sight alone.

“Wonwoo, fuck—ple—”

Wonwoo shuts you up real tight when he licks a hot stripe over your panties, and you cry out his name from the unexpected pleasure. Fingers flying down, you grip on his hair tight, causing him to groan into your clothed cunt.

“Easy, angel,” he warns, but you can tell he doesn’t really care. Not when he only rewards your behavior by sliding the soaked fabric aside, revealing your slick folds to the cool air around you. “Holy shit, you’re dripping,” Wonwoo mutters, and your ears burn at the comment.

“D-don’t stare,” you mutter out, breaking your eyes away from Wonwoo under you, the scene causing your entire body to heat up.

“Can’t help it. So pretty,” he tells you, bringing one hand up to rub against the folds. “Can’t believe this is all it takes to make you a mess…” “Wonwoo—”

He continues, “Just lettin’ you fuck yourself on my thigh for a minute and you’re already so ready for me…”

“Shit—”

Wonwoo looks up at you with dreamy eyes. “You deserve a reward, don’t you think?”

“God yes.”

Wonwoo smothers himself in your folds as soon as the words of confirmation leave your lips, and the rush is so strong you’re in awe at how you don’t fall. Tangling your fingers in his hair once more, you let yourself grind down onto his face as his tongue digs through your wetness, tasting—exploring.

He goes back and forth, taking a few moments to let his tongue run through your folds before moving his mouth up and wrapping his lips around your clit. He throws out some flicks of his tongue and then sucks hard, causing you to slam your hand over your mouth to prevent any one of his neighbors from hearing such ungodly sounds.

“Don’t do that,” Wonwoo growls, halting his work on you to glare up at you.

“Sorry,” you squeak out, letting your hand fall to your side as you chew on your lip at the sight of his lips and chin all glossy and wet from your wetness.“Angel,” he mumbles before diving back and bringing his own hand up to rub against your hole. He teases for a few moments before catching the way your voice wavers when you beg for more, deciding to plunge in two fingers at once. He’s knuckles deep from the get-go, giving you hardly a moment to adjust to the overwhelming amount of pleasure before he’s easing them in and out of your tight cunt.

Between the thrusts of his hand, he’s curling his fingers against your walls just as he did a few weeks ago in his car—it's been so long since then that if you weren’t so dizzy from pleasure, you’d be amazed at how he still remembers just what gets you to your orgasm embarrassingly fast.

“Wonwoo—fuck,” you moan when he sucks against your clit while finger fucking you mercilessly. “K-keep doing that—’m gonna cum—fuck, gonna cum!” you cry out in shock as you feel your belly tighten up when he’s hitting that one spot inside of you that has your knees buckling.

Wonwoo only hums against your clit but that’s enough—with the vibrations and his warm tongue and his fat fingers, you’re writhing against the wall as he rides you through the orgasm that you’ve been aching for for weeks.

Coming down from your much awaited high, Wonwoo slowly slips out his fingers out of you, and you finally notice the way your arousal not only coats his hand, but drips down into a filthing fucking mess all over his forearms. Slightly appalled with how dirty this all is, you lift your hands from his hair as he starts to stand up, bringing them to cover your face.

“What the fuck,” you murmur with a hoarse voice, only releasing your own cheeks when Wonwoo forcefully grabs your wrists and yanks them down.

“Stop,” he instructs, before cupping your cheeks himself and kissing you deeply so you can taste your wetness on his tongue. “That was hot,” he says casually as your eyes rake over his body, finally landing on the bulge that pressed against your stomach.

“Felt so good…” you praise, hands ghosting over the imprint of his cock over his jeans, drinking in the sight of his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. “Can I repay the favor?” Wonwoo watches you intently for a few moments and then shakes his head, causing a frown to make its way onto your face.

“Wanna fuck you,” he clarifies, and the crude choice of words has your cunt clenching and gushing once more. “So where do you want it…” Wonwoo asks before listing his offers, “bed, couch, counter…?”

Your vision trails over his apartment that you haven't ever really had the chance to look at properly at his place. You aren't really keen on doing any inspecting now though, especially now that an interesting thought comes to mind. “Can we…can we do it here?”

Wonwoo looks at you like he just fell in love at this moment, and in his head, he thinks he might have just  done exactly that. “You're insane,” he grunts, unbuckling his belt and shoving his boxers and jeans down in one go. His cock springs free, and you can’t control the way you instantly grab out for him, fingers scooping out the leaked precum as it swipes over the tip. He curses lowly under his breath, grabbing one of your legs to hook it around his toned torso.

Wrapping your hands around his neck, you pull him down for a sweet kiss as he slides his fat cock through your folds as a way to lube himself up in your slick. “You’re insane,” you finally shoot back, lifting yourself on your tippy toes so it’s easier for Wonwoo to line himself up with your entrance.

He’s pausing with his tip barley inside you, reading your face. “You ready?” When you nod up at him with thick lashes, you certainly aren’t expecting him to pull you down onto him, and you’re even further shocked out how he pushes up into you simultaneously, his cock filling you up balls deep in one go.

“Wonwoo!” you cry out, head thrown back as it hits the wall. The pain on the crown of your head is dull, but the stretch you feel from your cunt overtakes anything else you might be able to feel in your body. Your thighs tremble as Wonwoo stills, his rough fingers rubbing gentle circles onto your waist and ass as peers down at you, allowing your pussy to relax around him.

He’s big. He’s big and his cock is fat and the tip is already kissing your cervix yet the pain is addicting and you want—you need more. “Wonwoo,” you repeat, looking up at him with big doe eyes that have his insides churning in fondness. “More…can you give me more…please?”

Wonwoo grips your waist tightly, and you can tell he’s holding back. “Angel—”

“You said you wanted to fuck me, Wonwoo, right?” you plead needily, weakly moving your hips towards his to chase the feeling on your own. He stops you, gripping your hips so tight there’ll probably be bruises the next morning.

“So needy,” he grunts, and you think he might just get irritated with you but then he’s pulling his hips back and before you know it, his cock is ramming back into you. Back arching off the wall, your jaw goes slack and you can’t even find the voice to say a thing.

Each time Wonwoo slams back into you after a painfully slow drag of his cock, he punctuates the slap of skin against skin with a deep, guttural groan and low mutters of your name and angel, whispering broken sentences about how good you feel and how you’re squeezin’ him so good.

Your body throttles against the wall with each snap of his hips, and if you were in your right mind, you honestly would have complained about the faint pain. The thing is though, that you aren’t in you’re right mind.

You aren’t thinking clearly, and it’s because Wonwoo has successfully fucked you dumb. So dumb you can’t think, can’t speak, can’t complain, can’t think anything but Wonwoo Wonwoo Wonwoo.

“God, making a mess on my dick, huh angel?” Wonwoo coos as his thrusts become more sporadic. You’re clenching him so incredibly thigh, warm and gummy walls hugging him so incredibly tight that he thinks it’s a miracle he hasn’t cum yet.

The only noise echoing through his apartment is the squelching of juices that mixes where his cock meets your cunt, skin slapping against skin, and soft pants for hair, until finally you’re tightening your hold around him, moaning, “Wonwoo fuck—I can’t—fuck—feels too good.”

“God, fuck, I can tell, you’re so fucking tight—squeezing me like a vise,” Wonwoo moans into your ear. “Finest fucking pussy, I swear,” and the words are so filthy yet so sweet that it has your eyes rolling to the back of your head, nails digging into his back.

“Wonwoo,” you intend to cry out, but the syllables fall just short of a whisper when he pulls you down and rams his cock up into you so hard it’s punching the air out of your lungs. Bringing his hand down, Wonwoo roughly rubs at your clit as he stills himself inside of you while rocking yourself against him, twitching at all the stimulation that’s being thrown your way.

You cum, and you just know that this has been the best orgasm of your life. Pleasure hits you like a truck and you’re left almost crying, your entire body shaking against Wonwoo’s who bites down on his bottom lip so hard it nearly draws blood.

Feeling you cum around him, your wetness coating his thighs and pelvis, as you whine out his name in your moment of heightened pleasure, intimacy, vulnerability has Wonwoo’s vision going foggy and heart growing in his chest. The second he senses your orgasm has finally withered away, he’s pulling out and fervently jerking himself off as you stand limply, the only thing holding you up being the force of Wonwoo’s body pinning you to the wall.

But now, you’re both exhausted and your leg around him loosens so you fall to your knees. Your face landing right in front of his pretty tip, and you focus your hazy vision on the full length of his cock. With your position from before, you couldn’t really look at it without craning your neck at an unnatural angel but now…

Now you can see his dick up close and in all its glory while simultaneously watching Wonwoo fall apart in front of you. Bringing up a hand to help him out, you wrap it around the base of his cock and massage his balls with the other hand as you lift yourself on your knees and open your mouth wide, not once breaking eye contact.

“You’re so beautiful,” Wonwoo grunts one last time with a few sloppy flicks of his wrist and then his eyes are shut tight, eyebrows pinched together as hot white ropes paint your face. Some lands on your tongue, some on your cheek, some on your chin, and you lap up what you can as you watch Wonwoo ride out his own orgasm with a few last pumps of his cock.

When he finally opens his eyes, he’s met with the sight of you running your tongue over your lower lip to scoop up his cum, and he feels he might get hard just again by watching you. Taking a deep breath, he steps back, holding out an arm for you. Reaching up, you’re taken aback by how frail you feel when he pulls you up and you stumble into his arms, an ache beginning to take its spot in your lower body.

“Are you okay?” Wonwoo finally speaks when he hears you let out a small gasp of pain. He’s walking slowly, leading you in his arms to a room which you now recall as his bedroom. Wonwoo pushes you backwards until the back of your knees hit the bed and you fall back, the tall man flopping on top of you.

“Mhm,” you finally respond, letting him roll over or lay beside you. “A little bit sore,” you add, and you hit his bicep when you hear him trying to muffle a laugh. “Is my pain funny to you,” you grumble.

Wonwoo shakes his head, turning to face you. “Of course not,” he tells you, but the smug smile on his face doesn’t match with his words. You narrow your eyes, and he continues, “Okay. Maybe it makes me a little happy.”

“My pain makes you happy?!”

“It just means my dick game is great!” You huff, turning away, and Wonwoo laughs, spooning you from behind before saying, “Okay I’m joking. Are you in a lot of pain?” He presses kisses into your shoulder, light and feathery as he awaits your response,

“Not a lot…” you murmur, scooting your body closer to his. “Feels kinda good…” you admit, and you damn near feel him smile into your skin at that comment.

“You sure? Anything you want me to do?” Wonwoo asks sincerely. Turning over to face him you purse your lips.

“Buy me cake before dropping me off?” you suggest, before thoughtfully adding, “and extra cuddles?”

Wonwoo grins, kissing you sweetly. “Cake and cuddles it is.”

Which is how you end up getting dropped off at your house two hours later with cupcakes in your hands for Jun and Kai. Helping Kai sit down at the table to serve him the dessert, you catch Jun giving you a funny look.

“Why’re you walking like that?”

Your face burns and you avert your gaze quickly and then Jun is laughing, picking up his phone and texting someone. “Who are you texting?” you demand, walking up to him in an attempt to grab his phone. He pulls it away quickly, dangling it above your head.

“No one,” he says in a sing-song voice.

“Liar.”

“It’s just Hao.”

“What’re you telling him?!” you nearly shriek before lowering your voice, looking back at Kei who is still happily eating his cupcake.

“I’m just telling him Wonwoo’s date went well! He was curious.”

“How’d he know?!”

“I told him, of course,” Jun deadpans. You roll your eyes, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Well did I lie?”

You glare at Jun before biting the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. Because as much as you’d like to strangle Jun right now, he in fact, did not lie, and the way you giddily text Wonwoo, ‘i had fun,’ tonight when you go to bed is testament to that fact.

a/n: im sorry i had to rush the ending idk i am not super happy but .... :/ the next update might take just around the same amount of time because i have a lot going on right now, but i hope you all enjoyed what ive written so far :c please like and comment and reblog, they literally make me so happy! anyways, i hope you enjoyed and please have a nice day &lt;3

[comingyourlugubriousness]

"Oh geez I'm so clumsy; how embarrassing! Huh, oh! You'll help me up? T-thank you!"

A BELLE OF DA BALL Yume for @starry-night-rose's Glimmering Soirée! I saw a lot of people doing this event and have been wanting to draw for it for awhile. Unfortunately, I've been sick the past week.

I went for a more femme design since my last two designs for Yume were more masculine; plus I just think dresses are more fun to draw. Heavily inspired by Cinderella's dress with my own takes.

During the event Yume isn't trying to be the belle of the ball themselves (that would be mortifying), they are actually heavily advocating for their brother Yuuta! (@bunnwich)

They are assisting the Prince's with their duties (mostly Deuce while avoiding Azul) while keeping and eye on Grim to make sure he's acting right! They're also taking pictures of everyone in their fancy clothes; partially bc Crowley told them too and partially for their own scrapbook.

VOICE LINES UNDER THE CUT:

Summon: You my friend, will be da belle of da ball!

Groovy: Everyone here tonight… don’t they kind of look like stars in the night sky…Hey! Don’t laugh! Haha! Was that too cheesy? 

Set Home: We’re all bedazzled up!

Home Idle: Azul tried to get me to sign some contract in order to” secure my brother's win”. Pff! Nice try, four eyes; do you think I’ve learned nothing?

Idle 2: When I walked up to Deuce and he gave me a big fancy greeting! He was so proud of himself; I didn’t have the heart to tell him he curtseyed at me…He’s not really cut out for princely stuff…

Idle 3: *whining* Kalim! Please don’t keep making me dance in these shoes! My feet are killing me *fake sob* who makes glass shoes anyway…

Idle Groovy:  Malleus came up to ask what was wrong with his Tamagotchi and everyone in the room gave us a wide berth. Is it that serious? He’s just some guy?

Home Login: Oh man…I don’t wanna think about how long it’s gonna take to clean all this glitter up. 

Tap: The Royal Sword Academy students keep coming up to greet me oh so politely. Something about it kinda gets on my nerves…

Tap 2: Hey, didja see Grim’s vest? I made it myself. It took me hours to bedazzle the whole thing!

Tap 3: Ugh…I feel like everyone's looking at me…maybe this outfit was a bad idea…

Tap 4: Hey, if you see Vil; don’t tell him I’m not voting for him. It’s nothing personal…! 

Tap 5: *sigh* I need a break. Hey, do you wanna go sit on the balcony with me? I’d prefer the company of the stars right now.

Tap Groovy: Oh! Wait right there! Let me get a picture of you in your outfit! You look amazing! Ready? Cheese!

Here is some sketchy draft for the dress too:

[here4kpopfics]

Good To Me | Seungcheol

Pairing: Seungcheol x (f)reader Genre: smut & fluff AU: established relationship Wordcount: 2.4k Summary: Two weeks is too long without spending time with your boyfriend. Warnings: Language, smut, oral, she does some fun stuff, unprotected sex (wrap it pls), creampie, cum eating. Rating: M/18+ AN: It's been a minute, huh? Last time I posted something, I was still here4btsfics. 🥲 Life's been getting in the way, and I haven't been motivated to write. Thankfully p0rn is a thing and I saw something and thought "That's Seungcheol" and now here we are. Thank you to my soulmate @playmetheclassics for beta-reading, and @classicscreations for the banner/divider. Enjoy!!! 💜 Masterlist | Taglist | AskBox | Coffee?

It’s only been two weeks. There’s no reason why you should be this needy right now. 

You’ve both been busy. You mostly work evenings, and you’re part of a big project at work, so you need to have all your focus there. But Seungcheol has been busy every night, leaving you at home most nights alone and bored. And it’s driving you crazy. You’re not usually this clingy or this desperate for his touch, but tonight feels like a breaking point. 

So when you get home around midnight after a night out celebrating with your team on the success of the project, and find your boyfriend passed out on the couch in just shorts…? You feel your resolve break.

“Baby?” You question lightly, placing your bag on the dining room table and tiptoeing over to the couch. He’s flat on his stomach, his hair a mess and just barely starting to cover the tattoo on his back, just below his neck. 

It’s unfair how broad his shoulders are yet how small his waist is. And then his ass. A literal cake. One of the first things you said to him when you first met was a ridiculous comment about how much cake he walks around with every day. You’d both been drinking. It sounded a lot better with a tipsy brain. 

But he’s perfectly fine with your obsession with his ass. He’s the same with yours, always needing to have a giant palm on a cheek, gripping or smacking it as you walk by. You love it. You love him and the way he loves you. The way he’s just as into you as you are him. 

He doesn’t respond to your call. So you gently crawl over him, legs straddling either side of his legs as you sit just below his ass. The skirt of your dress almost completely rides up, but you don’t care. It’ll come off in a few moments, anyway. You’re sure of it. 

“Cheeeeooooollllllie,” you whisper, your hands pressed flat against his back as they slide up to his shoulders, digging your thumbs into the blades. You grin when he groans at the touch, rolling his shoulders ever so slightly. 

“Mmmph.” You continue your massage, finding all the tight spaces in his back that need loosening. “What time is it?” 

“Midnight, baby.” You whisper, wandering hands switching between massaging and using the tip of your nails to glide across his skin, small goosebumps trailing after. “I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you, too.” He mumbles into his arm. 

“Mmm, I don’t think you miss me as much as I miss you, baby.” Your hands slide down to his ass, groping him through his shorts and giggling when he lets out a whine. 

“Jagiyaaaa, I’m sleeping.” 

“And I’m needy, baby. If you really miss me, you’d be the same way.”

“I am.” He grumbles. You scoff, pinching his side and making him jump. 

“Liar.”

“Why do you think I’m out here instead of in bed?” The groan he lets out when you press down on his lower back is enough for you to feel soaked. You let out a yelp mixed with a giggle when he’s suddenly flipping over underneath you, his giant hands finding your thighs. You hum quietly at the soothing feeling of grip sliding up and down your thighs, trailing close to your ass. 

“Fair. But why out here when there’s a big giant bed we can enjoy?” You smile, leaning down to finally press your lips to his. Your hands slide up his chest, carefully holding his face as you deepen the kiss, moaning against him when his tongue parts your lips. 

You could get lost in time and space when kissing Seungcheol. His plump lips combined with his evil tongue feel like magic against you. Whether it’s against your own lips, your skin, or your pussy, you feel like you could drown in the euphoria they bring you. 

You roll your hips against his, earning a moan from the both of you at the feel of his hardened cock against your center. Suddenly, you’re being pushed up into a seating position briefly before you’re lifted up by Seungcheol, standing and wrapping your legs around his waist. 

“You have a point. I need all the room possible with you.” You snicker against his kiss as he brings you to the bedroom. You quickly whisper the word sit to him before he can lay you down, and he quickly obeys, sitting at the edge of the bed with you straddling him. 

“Let me take care of you.” You murmur, lips trailing down his neck. 

“Hmm? And how are you gonna do that?” He grabs a handful of your ass, pushing your dress further up your sides. “You didn’t wear this out tonight, did you?” 

“I did.” You gently bite down on his shoulder, trying not to groan when his hold on you tightens. 

“To work?”

“No. I changed after, when we decided to go out to celebrate the project being launched.” 

“Did Seokjin see you?” You roll your eyes behind closed lids, nipping your way back up and along his jawline. 

“He’s part of the team, baby. So yes, he did. He even said it looked nice. You should’ve seen me. I had those cute shoes you picked out and everything.”

You meant to make him only a little jealous, enough to make him more handsy with you. Instead, you earned yourself a spank that makes you jolt forward and stutter his name. 

“I don’t like him looking at you.” His palms return to kneading your flesh, soothing where he just spanked. 

“I know, baby. But you know the only man I’m ever thinking about and wanting to look at me is you.” You sit back up, helping him move up further on the bed before grabbing his hands and putting them above his head. 

“Now let me take care of you. No touching.” 

You enjoy the view of him pouting but still obeying. There’s nothing holding his hands above his head, and yet he keeps them there as if you’ve tied them up in impossible knots, whining when you remove your dress, revealing the lack of a bra and just a lace thong. 

“Fuck, you’re my everything.” He chokes out at the sight of you, your hands wandering his torso seemingly aimlessly until they land on the waistband of his shorts. 

You instruct him to lift his hips, and he does so without hesitation, allowing you to quickly pull his shorts off, delighted that he wasn’t wearing any underwear underneath. His cock standing proud against his stomach, already glistening with precum.  

“I could say the same about you, my love.” You push your thong to the side, revealing your soaked center to your boyfriend, who lets out a soft whine, hands still held above his head. 

You gently wrap your fingers around his cock, giving it a few firm and slow pumps before positioning yourself over him. You let your arousal do the work of coating his cock as you slide it between your folds, teasing his tip against your clit. 

“Y/n, please don’t tease.”

“I’m not teasing. I want you to come just like this.” You roll your hips, guiding yourself along the length of his cock. 

“More, jagi.” Seungcheol’s hands grip one another above his head, burying underneath the pillows to further keep himself from touching you. 

You speed up your rolls, both of you quickly turning into moaning messes every time your clit slides along his frenulum. 

“Jagiya, I’m not gonna last long.” 

“Me either. Come for me, baby. Please come for me.”

“Let me touch you.”

“No.” 

“Jagi.” You can see him growing more annoyed, his eyebrows furrowing and his lips turned into a frown, bottom lip tucked into his teeth. And yet, his hands stay above his head, the pillows now in between his death grip. 

That death grip that could be on your hips. That should be on your hips. But you’re enjoying watching him like this too much. You press down a little more on the next few rolls of your hips, your own hands holding on tight to his waist. 

“Come, baby. Come, and you can touch me.” 

There’s a sudden thud as the pillow is tossed to the ground at the same time as Seungcheol groans, white ropes shooting out onto his stomach. You roll forward just enough to catch some of it between your folds, rolling back to smear it along his length. 

The feeling of his cock twitching is enough to make you want to come, but you don’t get to as those large hands you love so much are roughly grabbing your hips and pulling you to sit on his face. 

“Fuck!” You yell at the sudden contact of his tongue diving between your folds, prodding your entrance. One hand covers your mouth to stop yourself from screaming while the other wraps your fingers in his blonde hair, tugging him closer as you roll your hips against him, squirming when his nose hits your clit. 

The sounds he’s making against your center are obnoxious and wet, and the thought of him tasting himself as well makes you dizzy. A few seconds later, when his lips wrap around your clit and his tongue flicks just right, you’re leaning over him, both hands pulling at his hair as you shake in his grasp. 

His tongue slowly guides you out of your orgasm, licking long and slow stripes along your folds. Giant hands caress your thighs as you lessen your grip on his hair and the muscles in your legs relax. 

“Jagiya,” he murmurs against the inside of your thigh, pulling you back to reality as you lean back, giving him space to breathe. “You okay, y/n?”

“Mmm,” you nod, a shy grin crossing your lips, “I will never get over that mouth of yours.” You both giggle as you scoot further back to where you were originally, hovering over his cock that’s still hard. You look back at your boyfriend, an eyebrow raised.

“What?” You shrug, fingers dancing along his shaft and delicately circling his tip, enjoying the way his cock twitches towards the touch. 

“Nothing. We just have two weeks to make up for, and I’m just wondering if you’re still sleepy.” 

“For you? Never.”

“Then we wouldn't have gone two weeks without touching one another.” You frown, ignoring his hisses as you continue to tease him. 

“Sit on my dick, Jagi.” Your gaze snaps up to his, dark and full of lust. 

“Hmm?” You feign innocence as you sit up on your knees, adjusting his cock at your entrance. 

“Fucking sit. I need to be inside yo— oh fuck.” You grin as his eyes roll back, sitting down on him and taking him all in one go. The stretch is almost painful, but you know you’ll adjust quickly. You keep him fully sheathed inside you, grabbing his hands and sitting them on your waist. Your own hands roaming across his abs to his sides as you start to roll your hips again. 

“Shit, you’re so tight, y/n. So fucking tight.” He groans, fingers gripping your hips roughly as he assists your hips to start bouncing on him. You quickly follow his guidance, starting to bounce more and more as his hands find your ass, switching between spanking and rough gropes. His own hips start to lift off the bed to meet yours before your bounces land. 

“Baby– Baby, please,” you whine, his hold on you making you stay suspended in the air as his hips snap up at a rough pace.

“Please what, jagi? Tell me what you want.” He growls, eyes darting between your fucked out gaze, your tits bouncing without shame, and the sight of his cock slamming up into your cunt and you just taking it. 

“Just you,” you cry out, hands holding onto his thighs for dear life. “Only you.”

“You have me, y/n. Only me. Just like I have you and only you.” 

You’re not sure what sounds you’re making, only aware of the feeling inside of you as he continues to fuck you from below. You think you say the word lips because you vaguely hear him say “whatever you want” before pulling you down by your forearms and capturing your lips with his. 

“Close,” you whimper against his lips, hands barely keeping you up while his own are back on your ass. Seungcheol nods, sliding one hand between you two, thumb rubbing circles on your clit until you’re crying out again, walls clenching around him. Seconds later, he’s coming with you, not stopping his thrusts until you both feel the oversensitivity. 

You lift yourself a little higher, letting his softening cock slide out along with his cum. Neither of you care about the mess. It’s a later problem. He gently rolls you both to the side, leaving small kisses across your face as you both come down from the high. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been so busy.” He whispers against your forehead, but you shake your head, looking up at his beautiful face. 

“We’ve both been busy. I know you’re still going to be busy, but now that my project is launched, I’ll have more free time to spend with you when you do have time.”

“Or, you can come to the studio with me.”

“Hmm, bad idea.”

“How so?” His silly pout returns, and you have to force yourself not to grin too wide.

“Because we both know nothing will get done if I’m there.” You snicker, fingers getting lost in the blonde locks as he hums at your reasoning. 

“We’ll make it work, baby. It’s okay.” You reassure him, kissing his nose and making his face scrunch up momentarily. “I love you, no matter how busy we are.”

“I love you, too, jagi.” 

“Now, I need to shower…we have to wash the sheets…and we have two weeks of not seeing one another to make up for…” you let your words trail off, watching the realization of what you’re saying dawn on his face before he’s a blur, standing you up and rushing you to the bathroom. 

“You get started. I’ll throw the sheets in the washer, and be right back.” 

You full body laugh as he shuts the door in your face, turning away to rip the sheets off the bed.

[cinnajun]

ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: zb1 and long distance relationships

a/n: this was a fun request :) just in general, i think these guys would be pretty good at it (save for a few of them), mostly bc they’re young and very online

notes: yujin is not included due to his age!

wc | 2.5k

from worst to best at handling it

jiwoong

long distance with jiwoong is just point blank difficult

like i’ve said before i feel like relationships with jiwoong are long lasting so

when you receive whatever opportunity that requires your presence overseas, you’ve been dating for at least a couple of years

your routine is set and there’s a high probability you’re living together

so it’s a major disruption in the flow of your lives

and it’s not to say that jiwoong doesn’t want you to go, nor does he want things between you two to end

it’s just hard to wrap his mind around not having you around for dinner or having to sleep alone :(

so yeah safe to say this is going to be a very difficult time in your lives

depending on how far you are, jiwoong will absolutely be visiting you and staying in whatever apartment you’ve found yourself in

if you’re close enough (aka flight less than 5 hours) he’ll visit multiple times, but anything more than that he’ll probably end up only going once

it’s hard to get time off when you’re a working adult </3

it’s the most difficult for the both of you during holidays

there are days off you had in korea that you don’t have off now, so you physically hurt knowing that jiwoong is sitting at home instead of being on your celebratory day-off dates

and it’s just hard to keep him updated on your life

you fall into a routine of when to call each other and whatnot pretty quickly though

you also write things you want to tell him down in your notes app so when you’re talking you don’t miss anything

and really the main thing that gets you through this is those little sort of habits that you learn to have along the way

but man. you cannot wait to go home

hanbin

this might be a hot take but i think hanbin would hate being in a long distance relationship

in the beginning, he’s absolutely convinced that everything will be fine and nothing will change

his mindset is “i kept my friendship with matthew up while he was in canada, so what’s stopping me from keeping up my relationship with my s/o”

and then a week passed without you and he got really depressed

i think being in a relationship with hanbin means spending a lot of time together, holding hands, and staying near him

so when you’re so far that he can’t even fly to you easily it’s just so difficult for him

but his last resort is breaking up with you

like it’s seriously his worst-case scenario

when hanbin loves someone, he loves them very, very hard

so he will do everything in his power to keep your relationship going, but relationships are a two way street

so you need to put in the work that he’s putting in, too

obviously you’re likely abroad because you’ve taken an opportunity (aka a job) so you can’t be online all the time but

call him when you’re free, tell him when you’re going to be busy, and let him know about every single little victory that you have so you can celebrate together

and, for the love of god, do NOT bring up the fact that you can tell he hates long distance

i’m so serious with this one

hanbin absolutely will not tell you that he doesn’t like it

because, if he knows you know, he’ll feel like you feel like he’s not willing to fight for your relationship (does this sentence make sense)

but just know when you get back you’ll watch him finally relax after like 50 years lol

taerae

i’m going to keep it short: taerae’s heart shatters into a million pieces when you break the news to him lol

like obviously he tells you he’s proud of you and that he couldn’t be more excited for you it’s just that he’s actively crying as he says that

with taerae i think you actually almost reject whatever offer you’ve received, but you pretty quickly realize that doing that would make him feel worse so you decide to muscle through it

the worst part of long distance with taerae is the like week before you leave

he cries a lot and then feels bad for crying but he doesn’t want you to go you know

when he drops you off at the airport you have to take hanbin with you because he’s crying too hard to drive back to his apartment

he hugs you outside the airport doors for like 5 minutes and hanbin has to be like okay … let’s go now … okay … we need to let them get on their flight …

and then you ugly cry for half the flight … like someone reports you to the flight attendant and they’re like is everything okay ?? and you’re like no i just left my boyfriend in korea

after that i think it’s not nearly as bad as you both thought it was going to be LOL

he’s a lil bit (incredibly) clingy at first and gets rly butthurt when you don’t update him on your every move, but then he cries to hao and hao is like “here are some tips!”

then he’s very sweet

taerae will send you videos of him playing the guitar or of him just screwing around with the boys

he also sends you cringy little paragraphs about how much he loves you and how proud of you he is

obviously taerae misses you but tbh it’s like you never left

the only reason he’s not higher up is the pure agony you went through for that week before

taerae the man that you are

gunwook

graduated from taerae school of how do i deal with my s/o going abroad for a bit

he acts all cool with it

when he drops you off at the airport he gives you the gunwook bear hug and is like “i’ll see you later! love you!”

then you get off the plane 10+ hours later and you have like 17 texts from gyuvin describing gunwook going through the 5 stages of grief

it’s actually kinda funny ngl because it’s like a picture of him hugging a pillow with a pint of ice cream in his hand while he watches your favorite movie and cries

also like taerae, everything is absolutely fine within like a week

gunwook’s really cheesy while you’re gone though and that’s how you tell he really misses you

he’s making playlists and posting old cute pics of u on his story with the caption “10,000 km away”

gyuvin also told you that he giggles and kicks his legs every time you text him when he’s not expecting it

he also just hangs out with your family while you’re abroad

he’ll text you like “damn y/n your mom made the most delicious dinner tonight” and you’re like ??? without me????

you later find out your mom invited him over so they could be sad and miss you together which is soooo embarrassing

gunwook will mail you random items from your room and with a note that says “why didn’t you take this” as if you didn’t meticulously pack every single thing you brought with you

so then you have to spend money to mail it back because you don’t want to have to buy another suitcase (you end up having to anyway, but you’re still glad you mailed the things back)

when you get back he cries in your arms for like an hour lol

gyuvin

gyuvin acts like it’s not a big deal but lowkey it’s the biggest deal in his life

he’s like “omg congrats do u wanna get dinner”

that night he cries in hao’s arms like a little baby and then he gets over it

he’s genuinely so happy for you, and there are no strings attached to that excitement

one of his closest friends left his home to pursue his dreams so he should let you leave to pursue them too, you know?

the only reason gyuvin isn’t higher actually is because the other three are long distance from everyone they know LOL

long distance with gyuvin is remarkably similar to just being there with him

when he’s hanging out with friends you’ll be on the phone (albeit muted) just in case you need to contribute to the conversation

and he gets really excited when you have him on the phone while you chill out with your (new) friends

assuming you’re studying abroad because gyuvin’s not old enough to have an s/o with a job that has overseas opportunity, a lot of your time is spent in your dorm so you can call him </3

gyuvin is very popular with your overseas friends and they all follow him on instagram

any time someone hits on you they let him know and also let him know that they told whoever hit on you that you’re TAKEN!!

obviously he doesn’t enjoy knowing that people are hitting on you and he can’t do anything about it but he appreciates that your friends shut it down

all in all i think this is a healthy era of your relatioship and it strengthens your trust in one another a lot

but he prefers you being there with him so come home soon pretty please <3

ricky

yeah long distance with ricky is barely an issue

like when you tell him he’s like “oh…okay” and then he’s sad for a little bit

but then he’s sending you off like nothing is wrong!!! and truly nothing is wrong

i think actually you’d be more sad than ricky is but that’s not to say he’s not going to miss you at all

of course he is

but ricky is a seasoned misser and knows how to keep up relationships from far away (even if he’s never had experience with it being a romantic relationship) so he’s mostly concerned with brainstorming the best ways to like keep things going in a way that isn’t jarring

he consults pretty much everyone he knows on what they think he should do, almost like he’s collecting data or something

so once you actually leave ricky is pretty interactive and prepared for your escapade!!!!

he texts you at specific times of day he knows you aren’t busy and you schedule daily calls at the same time once you know your every day schedule

like gyuvin i’m assuming you’re studying abroad, so your class schedule is on ricky’s home screen (it’s a picture widget) but it’s been translated into his timezone

sometimes he texts you during classes he knows you don’t like and you’re like … isn’t it 4 in the morning

he doesn’t answer that question

but to be fair you do the exact same thing so can you really talk…

like gyuvin, your overseas friends LOVE ricky

sometimes he will sponsor you doordashing dinner and by extension your friends (except you make them pay him back LOL)

and they think he’s the funniest guy ever

bonus: sometimes gyuvin will text you pictures of him scrolling through old texts </3

hao

is this at all shocking

he’s so perfect

doesn’t even bat an eye when you tell him you want to go away for this opportunity you have

“okay! how long until you leave? are they paying for your flights? do you want to start packing now? do we need to get clothes for different weather?”

once you’re off he does get a bit sad but he promises himself that by the time you’re off the plane he’ll be feeling better

he breaks the promise but you don’t know that because he acts like everything is just fine!!!

throughout the duration of your time away, communication with hao is very steady and consistent

you’re each putting in enough energy for a perfect 50/50 split <3

when you start making friends overseas, you show them hao and they’re in awe that you managed to bag the most perfect person on earth

this makes you sad, not because you’re jealous, but because hao would say they should be more surprised he managed to bag you </3

like ricky, he will also sponsor your meals from time to time!! sometimes he doordashes stuff to your place without even telling you like its that serious

hao is the champion at curing your homesickness, mostly because he figured out how to cure it for himself first

if you ever feel like things are too much and you need to leave, he will drop everything to go out there and get you feeling back up to things

he sends little presents every time you have a big achievement or an exciting event

and he’s the number one endorser of getting yourself little treats when you’re feeling proud of yourself

he’s so proud of you

and he’s so happy you got to experience something so exciting

but he can’t lie, it is a big breath of fresh air when you get back lol

matthew

tbh for the sake of this let’s pretend you went to canada bc

why can i see you moving in with matthew’s family idk

you tell him about the opportunity and he’s like My mom will host you

you end up living with his sister LOL

because of that it’s barely like you’re gone

i mean he can come visit you for an extended amount of time and he gets to see his family so its like 2 in 1

in all actuality it doesn’t matter where you go, long distance with matthew is EASY PEASY!!!

i can see him being really trusting in a relationship and that makes things so much easier than not

the first time you get invited out you ask him “hey i got invited to a party tonight, is it okay if i go” and he’s like “ya why wouldn’t it be?? why are you asking me??”

okay feminist

he makes you watch anime with him over like teleparty or something </3 but it’s cute bc his chat reactions are like adorable

#3 of the “your friends love him squad”

they all ask you how you managed to find him because he literally doesn’t care what you do as long as you’re not cheating on him (and you would never do this)

and he’s all happy go lucky every time you talk

when he visits they’re in love with him (PLATONICALLY)

they all ask about his friends in the “haha do you have a brother” way and he’s like “my friend hanbin!”

so now all of your overseas friends want to date hanbin which is awkward

he will also make you buy like presents and things for his friends’/family’s birthdays

obviously with his money but he’s like “can you go to (store) and pick up (item) and then wrap it up and give it to my mom”

it’s very silly

all in all matthew is the long distance relationship you DESERVE!!!!

thank you for reading!

[fir3ylolol]

we want you! pt. 4

pairing: Johnny Cage x Reader

tw: oral sex, public, almost caught, mostly fluffy tbh, gn pronouns

a/n: finally, a pt 4! i've been busy with school this week, so im glad i got this out lol. enjoy the fluffy old man hehe

word count: 1.74 k

other parts

Ao3

It’s been about 3 days since you last saw Johnny. You’ve got class, and he’s got work. That doesn’t stop him from texting you. Constantly. He’s sending you texts about what he ate, pictures of cute things he saw, and whining about not hanging out. It’s a lot of whining to be fair. But it’s cute. Especially when he sends selfies where he’s making big sad puppy dog eyes.

But finally, you reach another free day. He’s been counting down the days, complaining more that he can’t come over at 6 A.M. sharp. But you need more time than that, and he understands. That doesn’t mean he’s not constantly asking you if you’re ready. Like, every 5 minutes. How does he have this much energy? When you let him know you’re ready, you swear it’s only been a couple of minutes before the knock on your door comes. You open the door, but Johnny nearly bursts in, capturing you in a bear hug as he lifts you slightly. There you hang, as he squeezes you tight and lets out a deep breath. Face buried in your chest, you hear him mumble out, “Man, I missed you.” As he sets you down, you giggle slightly. “You know it’s only been a couple of days right?” He sighs and droops forward comedically. “I know, I know, but! You’re so much more fun than sitting around all day.”

You hold his hand and smile at him, which causes him to stand up straighter, as you speak quietly, “That’s very sweet of you.” He wraps his arms around your waist, gently touching his forehead to yours, smiling out, “Well, I am well known for how sweet I am.” You giggle at him, which makes him smile even more. “God, I don’t think I’ve ever been funnier than when I’m with you,” he laughs with you. You slip from his grasp and grab your bag, walking out the door. “Come on, I don’t have all day.” Johnny quickly walks out after you, watching as you lock the door. But the second you do, he grabs your hand and pulls you along. His steps are fast, and he’s half-dragging you along. As you practically get dragged along the sidewalk, you can’t help but admire his excitement. It’s quite sweet.

He screeches to a halt and you bump into his back. He turns around to grin at you wide, asking excitedly, “What do you think?” It’s a hole-in-the-wall restaurant, an old shader over the worn door. He walks in the door, still holding your hand tight. It’s quite cute inside, like a warm, comfortable library, with large sofas and thrifted coffee tables. He speaks to an employee as you look around before he gets your attention to follow him again. You start up a thin staircase, with creaky wooden floors under your feet. It suddenly opens up to a rooftop area, flowering plants pouring out over the trellis in the center, with comfortable-looking chairs underneath. You sit down, amazed at how picture-esque it is. Johnny whispers to the employee who brought you up, who nods as he leaves again. Johnny sits down with you, smiling at you, which you reciprocate. “What do you think? You like it?” He says softly as he traces shapes on your hand. “Do I like it? It’s gorgeous! How did you know about this place?” You express with adoration. He pretends to be flustered, “Oh you know, I’ve got connections. And I like seeing how happy you get when I take you somewhere nice.”

The employee returns, placing a tray with a coffee pot, 2 mugs, and 2 small cakes on the table before leaving again. Johnny grabs the pot, pouring cups for the two of you. “I’m not allowed to have caffeine so, does hot chocolate sound good?” You nod, before laughing, “Why can’t you have caffeine?” He falters slightly but continues pouring. He coughs before talking, “Well…my daughter worries about me, so she asked me to watch my intake.” Your eyes widen slightly, surprised that it took him this long to mention it. “You have a daughter? Wow…what does she do?” He looks in your eyes, happy that you’re not weirded out. “Well, she works with the Special Forces, she’s a commander. You would like her, she’s funny.” You take a sip from your mug, almost burning your tongue, but quickly end up giggling. “Funny like you, or actually funny?” He snorts, leaning back in his chair, “Those are the same thing, you know.”

You’re glad you’ve lightened the mood, but you worry a little. What if this relationship continues, and she thinks you’re weird? But you forget them the second Johnny meets your eyes again, warm and full of compassion. Everything is good right now. No need for stress. Johnny picks up a fork and grabs a piece of the cake in front of you. He leans closer to you and leads it to your mouth. You take the bite, melting at the taste. You mumble out around the food, “Holy shit. That’s so good.” He lights up even more, taking a bite for himself. He does the exact same, covering his mouth as he speaks through it, “That’s really fucking good.” You both laugh, happy just to be here and experiencing it. You both end up taking your time, enjoying the company, and eating more delicious cake. When you finally leave, walking out onto the sidewalk, you half-brace yourself for another dragging. But he walks slower this time, admiring the shops you pass and staring at you. Until he suddenly stops, leading you down a park path, large trees shading your path.

“It’s nice here,” he finally breaks the silence between you two. You pause for a deep breath before speaking, “Yeah, it is nice. I’m glad I’m here with you.” He squeezes your hand quickly, admiring you with genuine eyes. “You’re so nice, you know that? I’m always so happy with you. I like spending all this time with you.” You wrap your arm around him, leaning into him. He stops walking, looks at you, and gently kisses you. As the wind blows behind you, you lean into him, his warmth and stability and kindness draw you in further. He leans back, looking at you again as you speak, “You’ve been looking at me a lot today. Do I look especially good?” He leans back in, resting his head against yours, “You always look good.” Shivers travel up your spine as his fingers dance along your back. You feel him back up, steering you back along the pathway. “You wanna see a movie? I heard they were showing classics at the local theater.” You nod, walking along with him, trying to shake off how flustered he made you.

You reach the theater, which is across the street from the end of the park, and Johnny orders two tickets to a movie called “Ninja Mime” which sounds familiar. You walk inside and see the poster for it directly inside the door. You smack his arm lightly, whispering to him, “You bought us tickets to see your movie??” He grins, “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted to see a classic.” You both make your way into the screening room, completely empty as the final trailer rolls. You sit next to him, lifting the arm rest between you so you can get closer. He pulls you in close, whispering again, “You better behave. I don’t take kindly to talking during the movie.” You nod, but he’s put an idea in your head. The lights dim, and the movie starts, watching as a younger Johnny leaps around the screen silently in mime makeup. He’s fully invested in his own performance, serious face on display. You do a final check of the theater, fully empty besides you two.

You slide out of your chair slowly, avoiding his eyeline. You crawl slowly between his legs, finally getting his attention. He looks slightly confused like he really didn’t notice that you moved. Your hand gently rubs along his inner thigh, which causes him to jump slightly. He looks more eager now, no longer confused. He slightly shifts his hips so you have a better angle, and you unzip his pants slowly. He’s not quite hard yet, gently removing him and starting to stroke him slowly. He moves back and forth, already feeling the effect of your touch. Maybe since you were in public, but you’ve forgotten to care, leaning forward to slowly lick from base to tip, intense eye contact before sinking down. He jumps again, hand clutching the arm tight. You slowly bob your head, trying to keep eye contact and swirling your tongue against the sensitive underside. He bites his hand, a whine lightly slipping out. It only eggs you on more, speeding up slightly to watch him squirm more.

Suddenly, he grabbed your head and held you down against him. You hear a door creak and a few footsteps before they suddenly stop. You breathe through your nose as quietly as you can, looking up to see Johnny, face completely blank. It was impressive honestly. Suddenly, the steps return, getting quieter as you hear the door creak again. Johnny lets go, breathing out a sigh of relief. You sit up slightly, sputtering and coughing. He leans down, grabbing your chin lightly. “God, you’re so hot.” He sits back up, leading your head back down. You eagerly accept, going back down again, moving a lot faster than before. His whimpers could be heard lightly echoing throughout the theater as his grasp on you tightened. You can tell he’s close, the situation has made him more sensitive. You were right, as he holds you back down again, this time hunching over you with a heady moan as he cums right there. You swallow it down, continuing to move your tongue. He starts twitching, still too sensitive. You finally pull away, as he leans back with a tired look on his face. You sit back down next to him and lean into his side. After a few seconds, you whisper out, “So what did I miss?” He snort-laughs as he sits back up, looking at you, “All the best parts.” You kiss him lightly, which he gladly accepts. As you pull away, you whisper a final time. “So, are you gonna leave your dick out the whole movie, or?”

[everythingmp3]

𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬

Tess Servopoulos x fem!reader

this is a combination of three concepts: no outbreak + Joel is readers father and Tess is his best friend (my take on the dbf thing) + road trip.

AO3

you can find part 2 here

authors note: this started out as just for fun but then it turned into the longest fic I’ve ever written and I ended up really liking it, so wanted to put it out there! I tried to keep it fun and light while also giving the characters depth and heart and I think it ended up being a good mix of the two. it brought me a lot of joy to spend time with this story, it is close to my heart now and I’m proud of it, so I hope you have a good time reading <3

warnings: minors dni. drinking, brief discussion of a strained mother relationship, smut. reader is in her early 20s and Tess is in her early/mid 40s, so obviously a large age gap

word count: 23k

when your father suggested to you that you should drive back home from college with Tess instead of paying for a flight, you thought please god no. 

it wasn´t that you had anything against her, you´d never even been introduced, but after the stress of finals and packing up your dorm the last thing you wanted to do was to spend hours and hours trapped in a car with a stranger. the reason that you had never met her even though she was his best friend was that she moved to Boston ages ago and they mostly did their friendship long distance, Joel mostly visited her whenever you were at your grandparents or your mothers place for spring break or the summer. you were aware of her, you knew they were close and had a longstanding friendship, but you had yet to meet her for the first time. now that you weren´t a kid anymore he thought it could be fun, to connect you two, since you were both two of the most important people in his life. 

he really tried to sell it to you when he heard a hesitant silence on the other end of the call, going on and on about the beautiful lush nature you could see on the drive, the adventurous nature of it all, the fact that Tess was a very chill person who wouldn´t be overbearing at all, and you could tell from his tone how enthusiastic he was about the idea of having his daughter and his best friend finally getting to know each other, so you masked your initial annoyance and agreed to it, telling yourself that if it was really that bad you could just pretend to fall asleep in the passenger seat for a few hours. 

Tess had about the same reaction when he called her to suggest that she should take you with her on her drive down to Texas. she had a thing for road trips, especially during summer, the feeling of an open road with the windows down and hours of nobody to answer to, so she´d told him in advance that she would come by car to visit him, so when he realized that you´d be off school the same week she was planning to come, he thought perfect, Boston is very close to her college town. Tess had no good argument against taking you with her and she knew that she´d be in his good graces afterwards, so she thought fuck it, what´s the worst that could happen? she would come to remember this moment later and think if you only knew. 

you could tell that Joel was kind of hoping that Tess might function as a sort of mother figure for you, since you and your mom were anything but close, but what he didn´t realize was that the kind of attention you wanted from women like her was not necessarily the maternal kind, at least not strictly, otherwise he might have thought twice about putting you in a confined space with his good looking friend.

Joel gave you her number and predictably she was not one for long or emotional responses, a short and unembellished “see you at 12.” was all you got from her, no “looking forward to meeting you”, no “see you then!”, which made you wonder whether that was just the way she texted or if she was also kind of reluctant about the whole thing. for some reason it made you feel better to know that she wasn´t the type to be overly excited, nothing would have grated on your nerves more than having to be chipper and talkative the whole drive. something about her being more on the reserved side seemed desirable to you as you made your way downstairs that morning, a little tired and hungover from the farewell party the night before, your head pounding for a moment as you stepped out into the sun. 

it took you about five minutes until you reached the side of the road where you´d agreed to meet and the first thing you thought when you spotted her was thank god the car is big. the second thing was she looks much cooler than I expected. of course you´d seen pictures of her but they didn´t do her justice at all; Tess was leaning back against the passenger side door, her arms crossed, her black t-shirt and worn out jeans an effortless but flattering look for her, her stance giving off an air of confidence as the wind blew through her hair. for a moment there you were glad you´d actually bothered to get dressed in a real outfit and not just lounge wear. Tess´s mental image of you was also very different from the reality that she was confronted with, for a moment she didn´t even register that it was you as you came closer because for some reason she´d pictured you much younger, probably due to Joel´s habit of calling you his “babygirl”. the moment she saw you she realized that you were fully grown, not some little girl.  

due to that slight confusion she only got up to move towards you once you were only a few feet away, giving her a friendly nod as you already felt sweat collecting at your hairline from the effort of carrying your bags. “hey” you said as you stood there, slightly self conscious as she pushed up her sunglasses to take a good look at you, waiting a second before she said “you´re late.” in a stern tone that took you off guard. you glanced down at your phone “yeah by two minutes...”, suppressing a laugh because you knew that it might not land well. Tess was never the best at first impressions and she realized that she might have come on too strong there, so she pointed at your luggage “here, let me take care of those, you go ahead and get in”, so you handed her everything you´d brought, except for the smaller bag that held your books, water, etc., smiling to yourself and shaking your head as you got into the car, thinking well, this is gonna be interesting. 

you tried to find a casual way to sit as she got in on the other side and rested her hands on her thighs before turning to you.“so. here´s the plan” she started, before going on to lay out your next 30 hours or so, she kept it brief, telling you which states you´d have to pass through, including an overnight stay somewhere in Tennessee if she had calculated the amount of miles you could manage in a day right. you just nodded along, adding the occasional “sounds good”, not giving her any trouble, before she started the car. you tried to butter her up a little then “thank you for doing this by the way. I know you probably would´ve preferred to do it on your own so.. yeah I appreciate the ride, really, it beats having to get up at 3am to go to the airport”, she could tell that you were a little worried about being a nuisance so she softened her tone a little, “oh it´s fine, really, besides I think he also had to do some convincing to get you to agree to this huh?” you laughed then, “I mean, a little yeah.”. she looked good driving, competent, you suddenly felt relaxed as you got comfortable in the passenger seat, rolled the window down a little, and started chatting with her about the surface level stuff that strangers always had to get out of the way when trying to get to know each other.

she asked about college, about classes, how you lived, roommates all that, you asked her about her job, her apartment, what she does on weekends, but after a while you both felt the other one getting bored so it turned a little more personal, you asked her “so, remind me how did you and my dad meet again? I´m sure he´s told me before but I forgot”. she thought for a moment, you just looked at her from the side, enjoying the draft of the wind that was cooling you down in the midday heat, “well, I think it was the second year of college. oh yeah I remember now, we were both at this awful party, like truly not the crowd any of us would have usually hung with, and we ended up in the garden smoking while things were escalating inside. I think we were both just glad to meet a somewhat sane person we could sit in silence with for a moment so yeah, guess that was that, we hung out a lot after that”, you nodded, smiling at the idea of them around your age. 

“well from what I´ve witnessed I think you´re a good friend to him. really helped him a lot when things were.. you know not great back then after the divorce and all that. maybe I benefitted too from that, him being more stable thanks to your support” she shook her head “okay you´re giving me too much credit there I think. but yeah I remember, it was a tough time. you were too young to remember much right?”, she seemed genuinely interested then, leaning over a little while glancing back and forth between the road and your face, “yeah I just remember bits and pieces. but you know, things got better for sure, seems like a distant memory now to be honest” she was glad to hear that, “yeah, from what I´ve heard you two did make a good duo” she´d heard endless praise from him, always calling you his angel to a point of her getting tired of it at times. 

by that point of the drive you were already outside of city limits, on the highway, so for a few minutes you both sat there in silence until you tried to prop your legs up on the dashboard. she immediately shoved your knee to signal for you to take them down “oh no absolutely not”, “what? why??” you protested, “you would snap in fucking half if I made an abrupt stop right now with you sitting like that, and I plan on delivering you in once piece, so legs down, now”. reluctantly you put them down again, groaning a little, rubbing your temples yet again, you´d done this motion a few times before, and it dawned on her then what your issue was, “late night hm?” you didn´t laugh, “yes.” your tone indicating that you were regretting it, and Tess felt herself warming up to you then, knowing that you weren´t some sheltered miss perfect, but someone who would do something reckless like partying before two days of travel.

“you need an aspirin or something?” she said, a slightly condescending touch to it, which made you perk up and prove to her that you were doing just fine, “I´m good, thanks” you turned off the radio because the song was getting on your nerves, some awful pop tune you´d heard one too many times, “god I hate that fucking song.” you got an idea, “do you have an aux?”, she eyed you from the side, “well depends on what you´re gonna play”, you cocked your head, in a way that said really?, so she grinned and reached down to hand it to you, “here, let´s see what you got”. you took the challenge, scrolling through your playlists for a moment, “I think a road trip calls for some oldies, what do you want, something fun or something serious?” she thought of it, “I think fun is better, something upbeat would do you some good I think” teasing you a little, “right okay, I got it”, you put on one of your favorite songs from a 90s band, the one you always went for when you needed to feel energized and hopeful, you waited for her reaction to see if she knew the song, “you´ve never heard this one??” you said, a little incredulous, the first verse was still building up as she shook her head “no”. “damn, what were you doing in the late 90s?” she answered a little dramatically “jeez I don´t know, getting stoned, being stupid?”, you smiled, enjoying the feeling of messing with her, “well clearly, otherwise you wouldn´t have let this pass you by” , “how about you save the jokes and we just listen huh”, Tess said while pulling her sunglasses down to her nose again, so you stopped talking and turned up the volume, setting down the phone before rolling your window down all the way, the rush of air giving adding to the intense vibe of the song.

after a second you forgot about her and closed your eyes, getting into the familiar groove of the song, even better on loud car stereos, holding your arm out of the window and resting your head on your shoulder, feeling the wind between your fingers, moving your hand up and down in a wave like motion as you mouthed along to the lyrics you knew by heart. it was a moment of you fully losing all concept of time and space and it felt great, Tess tried to keep her eyes forward but she kept looking over at you, the sight was endearing to her, it looked straight out of a vintage photography book, all those shots of young people sticking their heads out of cars to feel a sense of freedom, of adventure, your lips forming the words she was hearing, the song much better than she expected, very close to the kind of stuff she´d put on. after a moment she forced herself to look away from you and the moment she realized that she had to muster up willpower to do it her whole body ran cold as she thought fuck. no, not her. she tried to recover but at her core she knew it was too late, something about you was getting to her, and it was getting worse by the second.

once the song was over you opened your eyes and sat upright in your seat again, looking at her, waiting for her to speak, she nodded in approval “yeah that was good”, “well I´ve got more where that came from” you announced while adding a few songs to a playlist, so the next hour or so you both mostly talked about music, she recognized one song you´d picked and told a story about a concert she´d been to where that exact one was also played, it made her feel good to see your eyes light up as she recalled the story, she liked being able to impress you with something and over the course of that hour you grew increasingly comfortable with each other, laughing more freely, making darker jokes, in general acting more the way you would with a friend. while a slower song was playing, you looked at her, not too obviously, and had a similar feeling to the one she´d had before; you caught yourself admiring the way her bare arms looked holding the steering wheel, her skin already slightly tan from the weeks of good weather before, the way her her hair fell down her shoulders, a few lighter strands shimmering whenever the sun hit them, you caught yourself anxiously checking how you looked in the side mirror and thought fuck. this is how I act when I am into someone. you tried to deny it for a moment but it was clear that you were starting to care what she thought of you, including your physique. 

after a while she saw that you were battling fatigue and told you that you could rest if you wanted, so you did, using the sweater you had packed as a makeshift pillow squeezed between your shoulder and the window. for another hour or so she drove you two further into the country while you dozed off a few times but never really fell asleep, it was peaceful state to be in and she enjoyed the feeling of watching over you in a way, glancing over every now and then to make sure you still looked relaxed. 

around 2pm you were startled out of your state of half sleep by the buzz of your phone and as you looked at with tired eyes you let out an audible “fuck no.. ughh”. Tess was amused by that reaction, “what? crazy ex or something?” you shook your head, not even cracking a smile at the joke because your heart was racing all of a sudden, “no I wish… it´s my mom.”. Tess had heard enough from Joel over the years to know that you and your mom weren´t exactly best friends, and for good reason. as his confidant she knew the whole story, that she´d left Joel for another man when you were around 4 to move to another state with him, that Joel got custody, which meant that you mostly saw her whenever you were off from school. she looked at you as you stared at the phone, deciding what to do, “you gonna answer or?”, you seemed panicked, “I don´t know”, “go on and answer, you can give me a sign if you wanna hang up and I will find a reason, okay?”, you gave her a look that said thank you as you picked up. 

it wasn´t anything crazy, your mom was asking about your plans for the summer, if you´d come visit, how you were doing, but the way you were speaking was almost heartbreaking to Tess, it shocked her a little how your voice changed once you started talking to her, you sounded depressed almost, you spoke slower and with much less feeling, like you were putting up a mental barrier between yourself and her. thankfully the call only lasted a few minutes but it still left you feeling deflated as you put your phone down and sighed, Tess gave you a moment to relax before asking, “so, how are things with her?”, you shook your head, trying not to let it get to you, but the few times a month she called were always unnerving to you. “god I don´t know. it´s complicated”, Tess nodded, staring ahead, “I´m listening” something told her that it was a good idea to make you get it off your chest, so you tried to find a way to phrase it “it´s just.. when I was younger I stopped visiting her during summer when I was around 14 because she started accusing me of favoring dad, which is insane because of course I am closer to the parent I live with? so we kind of drifted apart, she never apologized or anything that went down and I was honestly fine with it just being dad and I. but then when I started college, all of a sudden she acted like nothing ever happened and tried to be all caring, asking me to come to her place more. but honestly, I don´t need all that anymore, I´m grown, I´m good without her. but I don´t know.. .” Tess took it in, “sounded to me like you really didn´t wanna take her up on that offer to visit in a few weeks”, you shook your head, “yeah I don´t wanna go, at all. but I guess I should”. Tess considered it, “I mean, you don´t have to. you can say no. after everything you went through, I think you don´t owe her shit”, that took you by surprise, it got to you, hearing someone put it that way, after being guilt tripped by your mom quite a few times over the years, “if you say so” you said, trying to internalize it, Tess nodded reassuringly as she stopped looking at the road for a moment and turned to you, “I am saying so, yes.”, a faint smile on your face then, which was relieving for her to see. 

about fifteen minutes later you could feel yourself getting a little dizzy and tried to breathe through it but Tess noticed, you´d gotten suspiciously quiet “hey, you good?” she asked, resting her hand on your shoulder for a moment, which did soothe you a little, the feeling of her fingers on your skin, “yeah I just get a little car sick sometimes, but it´s fine”, “okay let´s stop at the next gas station and get something to drink, maybe move around a little to get your blood flowing again, alright?” you nodded, “okay”, a light squeeze on your arm from her before she let go of you, leaving your skin tingling where she´d made contact, you found yourself wishing you could ask her for a hug once you were out of the car and told yourself to get a grip already.

once she pulled into the parking lot of the gas station you moved to get out but she told you to wait, quickly walking around the car to open the door for you and offering a hand to help you up, an almost shy smile on your face as you let her do all that, “thanks” you said as you stood up next to her, straightening out your clothes and stretching your legs while looking around as she did too.“we really are in the middle of nowhere huh” you said as you looked at the fields around you that were only interrupted by a few small farms in the distance, “hm, looks like it” but both of you took some comfort in feeling like you were far away from your usual life, completely out of reach. “okay let´s go” she said, motioning for you to follow her. once you were inside you saw a bored looking girl around your age busy on her phone at the register and about a hundred different drinks to choose from in the fridges, as you both scanned the various labels you agreed that a classic coke was probably a good idea, so you reached in and grabbed two, “we´ll need some water too” she said as she walked away from you for a moment to get some while you briefly scanned the bars of chocolate and candy, debating whether you should get some but ultimately deciding against it.“here let me go check out, I´ll join you in a sec” she said pointing at a bench outside of the store, urging you to go get some fresh air and shake off the feeling of dizziness that was still somewhat messing with you. 

you walked outside, taking in the air, a distinct smell of dry grass and dust, no noise at all except for the occasional car passing by. you sat down on the wooden bench and took some deep breaths as you felt your head getting clearer and your heartbeat becoming steadier again. once you heard the door slamming you perked up, watching Tess as she made her way over and flopped down next to you, handing you your coke, your water, and finally, dropping something in your lap that you couldn´t identify at first before picking it up: it was the exact brand of chocolate you had looked at before. apparently your eyes had lingered just long enough for her to see and as you looked down at the golden packaging you realized that she was admitting something to you in a way: the fact that she was paying close attention; someone else might have just written it off as a friendly gesture, but to you it seemed a little deeper than that, perhaps because you wanted it to be. you smiled at her sheepishly as she took a big sip of her coke, “thank you” you said, your tone all sweet, but she waved it off, not wanting any praise for it,“drink” she instructed, “and not just a sip, at least half that bottle, we need you fit again”, you nodded, taking the order, gulping down a good amount of the ice cold beverage, which did make you feel more energized immediately. for a second you both just sat there soaking up the sun, you weren´t facing her but your attention still went in her direction, the way she was sitting, relaxed and not afraid to take up space, the space between her jeans and shirt revealing a hint of her skin that made your cheeks feel hot, so you tried hard to look at other things, the perfect empty sky, the red truck that was passing by, the field across the road, anything but her, you knew by then how attentive she was, how little it would take to give yourself away. 

after a while she leaned forward as she pointed into the distance, “look, those are horses I think, right?”, you squinted your eyes, “oh yeah that´s cool, it´s been ages since I´ve seen one. or ridden one for that matter. I kinda miss it sometimes.”. she turned her head and eyed you, saving the suggestive riding jokes she could´ve come up with in that moment, “you really are a Texas girl huh?” you smiled at her, “well, in that regard I guess. but other than that not so much..” she raised her eyebrows, “no?”, you shook your head, uncrossing your legs to sit more comfortably, blissfully unaware of her trying not to stare at your thighs, “no. I mean, do I strike you as the southern belle type?...” she looked you up and down, “hm, no guess not.” a grin from her then as she thought about how you definitely weren´t what she had expected. you were charming her without even trying hard and it was beyond whatever she had envisioned before, having fun was not what Tess had allowed herself to hope for when she agreed to take you with her, but there she was, a few hours into knowing you, already completely won over, the initial skepsis nowhere to be found. 

for a second she completely forgot who your father was and felt the way she used to feel when she was hanging out with a girl she had a thing for, that slight buzz of adrenaline that tinged every interaction, the warmth in her chest, something passed between you for a moment, a silence that was a little too long and comfortable for it to mean nothing. you both could have stayed for longer but you still had a good few hours of driving ahead of you, so Tess clapped her hands together “alright, let´s go. you feel better right?”, you nodded emphatically as you stood up in unison with her, “yeah much better!”. she led the way and smiled to herself as she got back into the car, pretty certain at that point that you shared her feeling of this is much nicer than I expected.

once you were back on the road the energy shifted yet again, it was like there was an invisible barrier between you both that was breaking down by the minute, in some ways you were still feeling each other out, but in others you already felt like old friends, something was in the air, a sense of familiarity, even though neither of you had revealed anything too personal yet, there was an unspoken connection, the kind of thing that´s hard to put into words, a sense of I have a good guess who this person is deep down because I am similar. 

as you were getting further South you came across some of the insane Christian billboards that were very familiar to you, huge banners you could read from far away that said things about the rapture and repenting, one particular one you saw that afternoon made you laugh, so Tess asked “what is it?”, you read it out loud for her “Heaven or Hell, which one will it be?”, a cheap graphic design of fire and clouds making it campy almost, Tess smiled, “wow, right to the point huh?”, you leaned over then, looking up at her with a challenging grin. “so, what will it be for you?”, she briefly glanced over at you, wondering if you were actually asking her or just fucking around, “well I highly doubt any god would let me into heaven so. I´ll burn I guess” a dry way of delivering it, no laugh to accompany it, which intrigued you then, “oh yeah? what makes you say that?”, she could tell you were daring her to tell you something juicy but she just shook her head, staring forward, “you really think I´ll just confess my sins to my friend´s daughter?”, you leaned back into your seat then, crossing your arms, sulking a little “oh come on, I am more than that. I can keep a secret you know” she nodded, not unaware of the slightly lascivious tone you used for that last part of your statement, “I bet you can. maybe ask me again after I´ve had a drink or two”, that sounded better to you, “alright, I will”.

she took her right hand off the steering wheel and turned to face you for a moment, reaching for the golden cross necklace that was dangling a few inches above your chest, taking the pendant between her fingers, the sudden unexpected intimacy of it making your face flush, “you´ll have an easier time getting in I suppose”, you had to recover for a second after she let go and drove with both hands again, “this is just for aesthetic purposes. I don´t think I am a good candidate for heaven either”, she didn´t buy it, “really? what have you done in your young years that is so unforgivable?”, you shrugged, imitating her previous answer, “you think I´ll just confess my sins to my father´s friend?”. touché she thought, “right, I´ll just have to use my imagination then”, her voice low enough as she said it to worsen the heat you´d already felt because of her, so you pulled down the window further and tried to cool down while she kept thinking about what you´d said, because for some reason she could tell that you weren´t bluffing, that there was a potential for danger in you. a sense of guilt washed over her as she thought of you like that, like a temptress of some sort, you weren´t doing anything wrong, it was her own issue that she couldn´t get her mind out of the gutter, she knew this, but it was hard, for so long Tess had spent her days in a dull haze of boredom and apathy, so any hint of euphoria and excitement pulled her closer like a moth to flame, and as much as she told herself that she´d get burned if she wasn´t careful, she couldn´t deny that part of her wanted the pain, the ache of doing something wrong. for a second, as she kept driving, the sign, your necklace, the imagery of transgression and possible punishment for it felt like an ominous warning from some higher power, like something was telling her you´re going into dangerous territory, you´re losing sight of what´s right. you´re gonna reach a point of no return if you go down this road. 

thankfully there was enough scenery around to distract herself with, so for a while you both just watched the endless stretch of land that reached til the horizon until you agreed to find a place to stop and eat a proper meal, since it was already afternoon and you´d hardly eaten more than a few snacks here and there. you were in no place to be picky so you settled on a diner that had fairly enthusiastic reviews online and to your surprise the spot where it was located was beautiful, a few stores in the middle of nowhere surrounded by lush greenery, a white church and a few houses in the distance down the road. during the meal neither of you talked much because you were truly starved, sitting there across from each other in a cherry-colored booth, switching between devouring your food and downing multiple glasses of sweet tea, since the place was relying only on a small rusty fan to get some fresh air flowing. there was something deeply carnal about that moment, your tired and slightly overheated bodies getting a sudden rush of endorphins from the generously iced drinks and salty comfort food, the thick heavy air of the day hanging around you, you were both completely reduced to your senses and the moment almost had a dreamlike quality, something out of a film. 

neither of you were particularly bothered about eating in a clean manner, so you caught glimpses of the other person wiping their mouth against the back of their bare arm and it was a sight you couldn´t help but enjoy, seeing each other uninhibited in a way, watching someone indulging in a meal like that was not entirely devoid of eroticism: your lips glistening from the oil, your tongues licking up the juice that was left on them, deep breaths after particularly large bites. after you were done you both just sat there for a moment, before grinning at each other “god I needed that…” you said, running your hands through your hair while exhaling,“yeah I could tell”, she teased, you shoved her arm then “um excuse me, you also didn´t hold back there, miss”, she suppressed a grin and leaned back, closing her eyes for a moment, soaking up the last few moments of doing nothing before continuing the drive.

she told you that you could go wait outside if you wanted, after she got you to quit offering to pay and pushed you towards the door as she went to get the bill, so you stepped outside and took a look around, your attention immediately caught by a patch of wildflowers nearby. once you knelt down to run your fingers through the grass, admiring them from up close, you felt compelled to pick a few, so you were too lost in thought to realize when Tess came outside and approached you. she stood behind you and watched for a moment, endeared by the sight of you carefully choosing certain kinds of flowers, eventually speaking up “well isn´t that just sweet”, a clear hint of irony in there, a smugness to her expression as you turned your neck to look up at her. “oh fuck off, you don´t like flowers?”, she was standing with her hands in her back pockets, almost cocky the way she was eyeing you, “sure I do, but maybe not enough to do all that”, you turned back around then to finish the little bouquet you´d started, “or maybe you just know that your knees would give in if you tried to crouch down like this for more than a minute”, you felt a light shove to your back then, her shoe giving you a push forward that almost made you lose balance, “no I think my knees work just fine”, she said as you shook your head but secretly enjoyed it. “might wanna add some yellow to that” she said as she got down next to you and ripped a few honey colored flowers and placed them in your open palm “can´t just be blue and purple”, you smiled at her then, both of you still kneeling, “didn´t think you´d be the one to have an opinion on color palettes” you remarked as she got up again, brushing some dirt off her pants,“well, there´s a lot you don´t know about me”,  you got up too then, tying the flowers together with a few pieces of grass. “I know. it´s not easy getting information out of you”, you said as you both walked to the car again, a carefree nature to the way you were skipping down the street behind her, revived from the meal, she considered it “you´ve got a point, I´m not a very open person I guess”, you smiled, “well, we still have a day, we can work on that” she laughed, “so you´re trying to fix me now?”, you looked at her from across the car as you both stood in front of your sides of it, waiting a second before getting in,“no, just trying to figure you out”, an earnestness to that statement that made Tess feel uneasy, knowing that she was on thin ice, that you could catch a glimpse of something if you looked closely enough, but again, there was also the need to let you see it, to be reckless.

you decided to aim for two more hours of driving, which would mean that you´d reach the motel around 8, leaving you about 6 more hours to get through the next day. the sun had become less blinding by then, the light more golden, the shadows longer and it made everything around you look even more picturesque, you´d forgotten just how much you environment impacted you, after months of never leaving the city you could feel your body waking up again, desperately trying to soak up all the details, all the ways you were confronted with beauty you weren´t used to. 

you tried to come up with ways to pass the remaining time, eventually settling on trying to read Tess´s birth chart for her after having to convince her for 15 minutes to give you her birth time because she was skeptical about what the website might say about her, so then you just sat there picking and choosing which parts of the analysis to tell her, mostly reading the flattering parts out loud, adjectives like “determined, strong willed, pragmatic”, purposely skipping over the part that called a particular placement indicative of her being a “passionate lover, sometimes to a fault, not afraid of breaking taboos”, but taking note of it, smiling to yourself. you could tell that she was just pretending to find it silly, her expression gave away that it was nice to have you entertaining her with something lighthearted, it was comforting to her, your voice, your attempts to get her to laugh, which worked most of the time. a few times she looked over at you, the way your face was glowing in the orange light, and got hit by such a violent wave of affection that she kept the amount of times she did it limited. 

just as planned you, pulled into the parking lot of the motel around 8pm, both of you a little worn out and groggy, looking forward to the comfort of a bed. the first thing that you noticed was that the whole thing was painted a bright turquoise, it had faded a little over the years, an old timey charm to it, your best guess was that it had been built sometime in the 70s; there was a relatively large swimming pool in the middle of the court, a few plastic chairs outside of the floor level rooms, some guests sitting there smoking, a neon sign glowing in the setting sun, all of it more inviting than you´d expected, nothing fancy but a place that seemed ideal for one night. 

on the way inside both you and Tess pointed out certain details about the place to each other and complained about your sore muscles, groaning from the weight of your bags until you reached the reception, putting them down on the floor for a second as a young worker with a bright toothpaste-ad-smile greeted you so enthusiastically that you both needed a moment to gather your thoughts. Tess leaned on the counter as he looked at the computer to see which rooms were available, apparently you´d lucked out and came at a time where at least five were vacant, he turned to look at you again, and asked “so, is a room with two singles fine?”, which confused both of you for a second as you thought why the fuck wouldn´t that be fine? that´s exactly what we´re looking for?.

but then it dawned on you: you absolutely did not look like mother and daughter. he was trying to signal to you that he wouldn´t mind if you wanted a room with a double bed instead, he was saying that he wouldn´t be shocked by you two being a couple. as you realized this you turned your head away for a moment, stifling a laugh, while Tess was gripped by a white hot panic and quickly told him “yes that´s perfect! thank you!”, in an uncharacteristically high pitched tone. it was hilarious to you but not to her, you watched her face as he slid the keys to your room over the reception counter and wished you a good night, telling you to come back if anything wasn´t to your liking, Tess just walked away without answering, so you gave him a very polite “thank you so much!”. you could hear Tess muttering “Jesus Christ.” under her breath as she led the way down the hallway, clearly still unsettled by the previous exchange , which contrasted your own reaction, the delicious thrill you got out of it, that a stranger didn´t think it impossible for you to belong together. 

once Tess opened the door you both tentatively walked in, gauging the state of the room but there was nothing to complain about; the beds were both big enough to fit two, the sheets had quilted throw blankets over them with a rustic flower print, the walls were all wood paneled, the floor carpeted the same way it had been in the lobby, an old tv and an armchair pushed against the wall facing the beds, to others it might have looked like a room where people went to get killed in slasher flicks but you both liked the feeling of back transported back in time, the dusty smell, the muted color palette, it was more soothing to you than a brand new, sterile room.

“which one?” Tess asked, pointing at the beds, giving you a choice, so you picked the one next to the bathroom door, flinging yourself  down onto it face first in a dramatic fashion, arms spread out, legs dangling over the edge, she smiled, setting down her stuff next to her bed, near the door that opened to a little terrace near the pool, since you were located on the ground floor. she pushed it open a little to let some fresh air in and got some clothes out of her bag, “I need a shower” she announced, “yeah me too. but you go first” you said, still laying there, the exhaustion of the day catching up with you.

as you heard the water of the shower turning on you tried your best not to imagine how she´d undressed, how she would look getting into the shower, how her eyes would close once the hot stream hit her face, you tried not to imagine how her back would look with water drops run down her spine, you tried not to imagine her whole body flushing from the heat, you tried but failed, so instead of just laying there you found ways to occupy your mind with other things: unpacking, taking your shoes off, taking a look outside the window, stepping onto the terrace for a moment, still, the sound of the shower kept forcing images into your mind that made you feel defenseless and exposed in your longing. 

after about ten minutes Tess stepped out of the bathroom and found you sitting on your bed, scrolling on your phone, until you looked up and had to mask your feeling of awe, she looked even more attractive to you then than before; her hair had gotten a little damp and fell down her face in beautiful waves, her face looked youthful and glowy, she´d gotten dressed in shorts that were cut off right above the knee and a white tank top, since the heat had gotten more intense and humid the further south you´d traveled that day, and to make things worse the scent of her shower gel was streaming in through the bathroom door and it was an intoxicating mix of something creamy and musky, you breathed in deeply, feeling a tingling sensation all over your skin. 

she caught something in your look even though you were subtle, but she let it go, interrupting your thoughts “so, what should we do once you´re done freshening up?” you considered it, putting your phone down as she also went to go sit on her bed, “we should get a drink” you decided, “I mean, there´s that bar right across the street and I doubt there´s much else to do around here”, she looked at you then, “I don´t know if your dad would love the idea of me buying you drinks”, you wanted her to forget about him, about the sense of responsibility that she felt weighing on her, so you were insistent, “well he isn´t here, is he?...” a distinct sense of urgency to the way you said it, she could tell you weren´t happy about her bringing him up, and she could take a wild guess as to why. Tess couldn´t really argue with your logic and besides she liked the idea of unwinding like that after driving all day so she nodded, “alright. one drink”, “two” you responded, a grin, she laughed then “so, we´re negotiating now, are we?”. 

the shower woke you up and revived your spirits, you stepped out feeling ready to move around and talk again and as you walked back into the room Tess had thoughts that weren't dissimilar to the ones you´d had about her before, but she was better at hiding it, a brief look was all she allowed herself before she turned her attention back to collecting the keys and her wallet before waving you out of the door before her, forcing her gaze to remain cast to the floor until you weren´t in close proximity anymore, she knew looking at your neck from up close would have been a bad idea.

the sky had turned a muted light blue, sunset was approaching, and you could both feel the eyes of a few other guests who were hanging around by the pool following you as you made your way towards the street, you could tell that it wasn´t judgment but something like intrigue, both you and Tess realized that you made a rather striking duo, which gave you a boost of confidence, or maybe even cockiness, as you left the motel behind and approached your destination. the bar had a distinctly timeless look, it was the archetype of an american bar, a flag waving in the wind, about four different neon signs buzzing in the windows, the image of a blonde woman in leather gear on a bike spray painted onto one of the walls, lettering beneath that read “ride or die”, a few trucks and bikes parked nearby, a few metal trash cans and a bench near the back exit. “ever been to a place like this?” Tess asked as she held the door open for you, “no never” you said, “well, i´ve seen much worse, i think this should be fine” she mused as she followed you in. 

the room was spacious, there were about ten booths in a row alongside the wall to your right, a bar and a line of chairs all the way down the counter in your direct line of sight, a few pool tables and something that looked like a jukebox further back, a few different sources of light including multiple red lamps that gave the room a slightly sleazy feel. “what are you drinking?” you asked as you both approached the bar where two couples were talking to the bartender who all seemed to know each other, “hm, I doubt we´ll have much of a menu to pick from” you nodded, “right. how about you order for us, I´ll have what you´re having i am not picky”, you didn´t feel like awkwardly standing there next to her while waiting to be served so you went to choose a table, settling on a booth towards the back of the room, and from where you were sitting you could see Tess talking to the bartender, he was around her age and very obviously took a liking to her, he laughed a lot while she was talking, almost an obnoxious amount, keeping his eyes on her as he poured the drinks, seemingly starved for some pleasant chatting, and you couldn´t really blame him for being easily charmed by her because you were in the same place. 

after a few minutes she set two glasses down on the table and sat down opposite you, “okay, he was going on and on about how he makes the best old fashioned around, something about a special ingredient, so here you go”. you took one of the glasses and had a sip, nodding as you set it down again “not bad, but then again I am fairly easy to impress after the shit I´ve had to drink in college”, she smiled before drinking a good amount, “he liked you” you said while searching her face for a reaction, keeping your eyes on hers, but she didn´t seem to care much “well..good for him”, something about the way you��d said it made her suspect that you didn´t love the idea of other people hitting on her, which was an endearing thought, you getting a little possessive even though you hadn´t even spent a full day together. 

you both enjoyed the sensation of the cool glasses in your hands, soaking up the atmosphere, a vaguely familiar song playing over the speakers, the faint smell of cigarettes and old leather seats that wasn´t entirely unpleasant, you could both imagine people who lived nearby spending their nights there after a hard day at work, letting go of whatever was going on outside, because it kind of applied to you too. as you traced the rim of the glass with your index finger, spaced out, you could feel all the stress from the months before trying to leave your body at once, a deep exhale as you realized how far away from everything you were all of a sudden. Tess was leaning her head on her hand, watching you intently, a smile forming as she could basically see the thoughts swirling around in your head, “wanna tell me what you´re thinking, or no?”, she was being gentle with it, trying to coax you out of your shell instead of demanding answers, you came back to the present moment then and met her eyes, debating whether or not to tell her, but it felt good to be offered a space to express your deeper feelings, so you took another sip before asking, “can I be honest for a second?”, she nodded, “you can also do it for more than a second”, putting her arms on the table then, sitting upright, signaling that you had her full attention. “alright, well. I usually don´t really like to talk about this stuff with people because they either panic or give me pity, but I have a sense you won´t, so if I am being real with you, the past few months weren´t great. the whole second semester honestly, it all felt.. empty in a way? if that´s the right word. I did my work and went to class and whatever but other than that I didn´t do much at all, just didn´t feel like it. last year a friend of mine who was a grade above me graduated and since then I´ve kind of just been.. floating I guess. nothing really excites me, and it sounds ungrateful maybe, but I wish there was more to my life. there is this constant feeling of “is this all?”. I don´t know if that makes sense but yeah.. I am kind of glad I´m on a break now, it was about time. today was honestly the first good day I´ve had in a while…”.

Tess was´t exactly shocked, it wasn´t anything too out of the ordinary, but still, she did feel affected by the idea of you struggling with your frustrations on your own, she could see the way you were holding yourself as you spoke about it, your shoulders hunched, your eyes less bright than before, your hands nervously fidgeting with the orange peel in your drink. she leaned back as she spoke, partly to fight off the urge to reach out and touch you, your hand, your cheek, “no I get that, that feeling of wishing things were more exciting. you know, this might be a good moment to mention that I was a student advisor for a while in my early 30s”, that caught you off guard, “really??” a hint of a smile on your face as you processed the information, the image of her talking to people your age about their issues flashing in your mind. she nodded, “hmm, by far not the worst job I had”, you leaned forward then, your hands folded, your head resting on them, “well, advise me then” you said, a slightly flirtatious undertone that didn´t escape her. 

she thought for a second, “you know, I think what you said applies to about every other person your age. this might not be the encouragement you´re looking for but I think your 20s are kind of meant to be a shit show. mine sure as hell were, and I would honestly be more disturbed if you told me that everything´s perfect. I mean within reason of course, there are things that require intervention, but I doubt you´re the type to actually fall off, you´ll be fine trust me. you´re not the kind of person I´d have been worried about back then”, it worked. her honesty and lack of sentimentality about the whole thing made you feel much better than any bullshit “just change your mindset, just think positively! practice gratitude!” response ever could have. she was refreshingly calm, there was an ease about her that was comforting to be around, that was helping you relax, usually you felt like you had to shoulder everything on your own but around her it felt natural, to let yourself be more vulnerable for once. 

“you´re good at this” you said, grinning as you felt your worries fading, the enthusiasm about being with her taking over again, and it pleased her, seeing her effect, she downed the rest of her drink and smiled after putting the glass down “I try”, a moment of silence before she added “but you´re okay  right now, yeah?” making sure, and you wanted her to know that you were genuinely enjoying your time with her, so you quickly said “oh yeah, as I said today was really nice. I guess this would be a good time to say thank you, for doing all of this” Tess was still horrible at accepting praise “oh no need to thank me, you´re good company, the time flew by” the first explicit acknowledgement of her affection towards you, which made your face glow a little then. 

“I can listen too by the way, anything you wanna get off your chest?”, you offered, watching her getting more comfortable, crossing one leg over the other, “I mean, not really, but ask away if there´s anything you´re dying to know” she answered, challenging you in a way, the ball was in your court, and for a moment you considered asking something innocuous, but you thought why not just take the chance and ask what I actually want to know, so you tried to sound as casual as possible as you asked “is there someone waiting for you back home?”. she didn´t expect you to get right to the point but she respected it in a way, that you weren´t wasting time with boring questions, “do you think I´d be using my vacation days to go visit your father if there was someone in my life?” you shrugged, “I don´t know”, she shook her head, “no, I mean bless him but my friendship has its limits” you smiled, the relief of her not being taken a little too visible in your expression, “okay. so what do you do in your free time then, if nobody´s around to keep you busy”.

“hm. I don´t know, there´s not much to boast of, I am honestly pretty boring. middle age will do that to you”, you laughed then, “oh come on, I don´t believe that! I think you just don´t wanna tell me anything. but then again, makes sense that you don´t have much personal drama going on, I doubt anyone would try to mess with you”, she squinted her eyes at you, “what´s that supposed to mean?”, “well, you give off a very strong don´t fuck with me vibe”, she laughed too then, “okay I´ll try to take that as a compliment”, “it was meant as one. I mean I benefited from it the whole day, didn´t worry once about some freak coming up to me because i knew you´d take care of it”, that did make her feel satisfied then, to know that you felt safe in her shadow, “good. but I guess it does also scare people off sometimes” you could read in her expression that she might sometimes wish that she was softer, more inviting, “not the right ones” you responded a little too quickly, weight to the words, a seriousness. she looked at you and something passed between you, about ten seconds of you just wordlessly sitting there, thinking similar things, unwilling to say any of them, but you didn´t have to, over the day you´d both gotten good at filling in the other´s silences, reading certain looks. the mix of it being rather late, both feeling a slight buzz from the drink, the dim warm light, the feeling of almost having broken down the barrier between you all the way, the intimacy of sitting there like that, it could have led to something then, if you hadn´t caught yourself staring at her way too softly and forced yourself to look somewhere else before it was too late, Tess clearing her throat and adjusting her hair to distract herself from what had just happened between you. 

your gaze landed on the pool tables behind you, “do you know how to play?” you asked, changing the subject, “sure, I mean it´s been ages but I believe the muscle memory´s still there”. 

“I´ve never played it”, she was a little stunned then “never?? damn what are young people doing these days”, you shrugged, “guess we are too busy vaping and being on our phones”, a dramatic delivery, she didn´t give you a laugh but a look that said okay, very funny. “I mean, you could try right now”, you were almost a little shy then, she could tell and it was amusing to her, “oh come on, it´s just a stick and some balls, I think you can manage'', so you agreed “okay sure, why not. you´ll look fucking perfect next to me, so good for you I guess”, she shook her head as you both abandoned your seats and walked over, “ever heard of having fun? this isn´t gonna be an exam sweetheart”, the pet name hanging in the air and forcing a bit of color to your cheeks as you went over to one of the empty tables with her, running your hands along the old wood, the green surface, taking a good look at it as Tess excused herself for a moment, going over to the bar and promptly returning with two shot glasses in her hand, a grin on her face as she handed it to you, a carefree youthfulness to her demeanor all of a sudden, “here, drink this, loosen up a little” so you did, washing down whatever it was that she´d ordered, the burn of it making you cough for a second “jesus”. “so” she said, handing you the poll, “show me how you think you should hold it, let´s see what we´re working with here”, you tried to conjure up the images of people you´d seen playing and tried your best to mimic the pose, leaning forward. 

even though you weren´t looking directly at her, you could tell she was stifling a laugh, so you shot her a glare, “oh that´s very encouraging, I told you I´ve never done this”, she stepped closer then, visibly amused by your defensiveness, “well you could have been a natural but.. guess not”.

you were standing again by that point, “are you just gonna laugh at me or give me some actual tips?”, “right, okay, so that angle won´t work, it has to be lower and your hand has to be..” she knew that verbal instructions weren´t great, but she was trying her best to avoid the inevitable: going up and touching you to adjust your technique, since she knew how horrible of an idea it was to get that close to you, how hard it would be for her to keep the very small amount of restraint she had left in her intact, when sitting across from you had already made her feel insane. looking at you standing there, your skin glowing slightly pink from the light behind you, she knew that going over and getting in your personal space was about the last thing she should do, “the angle? what the fuck do you mean” you said, clearly confused, waiting for her to be more helpful, so after another moment of hesitation she thought  fuck it. I´ll just do it quickly, I won´t linger.

“do what you just did” she instructed as she approached you, so you did, still unaware of how close she´d get, you thought she´d just stand there and tell you what to change but then you could feel her presence right behind you and before you knew it she was pressed against you. the moment she touched you, any coherent thought left your mind and you were left trying to process all the physical sensations: her long hair falling down your shoulder, her face near yours, her deep voice mere inches from your ear, the front of her calves brushing against the backside of yours, and worst of all: her hand, her fingers adjusting yours, gently moving them into the correct position. suddenly, the whole room was a void to you, nothing around you registered anymore, your entire being was completely wrapped up in her impact and all of it made it nearly impossible to process what was being said.

“like this, okay?” she said as she could feel the shift in your physique, the way you seemed frozen under her, seemingly afraid but she knew it wasn´t fear, so despite what she told herself, she drew it out, staying like that for a moment too long, breathing in your scent, feeling your arm against hers, the warmth that your bodies were exchanging. for a moment she couldn´t help but savor the feeling of having that effect on you, against her better judgment she let herself feel the thrill of leaning over you like that until she came back to her senses and realized what she was doing, how her mind had made the jump to other situations where she´d be behind you like that, so to your disappointment she eventually let go. “okay, other than that I think it should be fairly easy”, and it was, for a while you both took turns, immediately making fun of the other one if they had a bad shot, silently mouthing along to the lyrics of the songs that were playing over the speakers that you recognized, a slightly awkward silence when it was a particularly romantic one. 

it was a nice and back and forth because both of you could feel the other´s charged gaze whenever it was your turn, you might or might not have done certain things on purpose, like bending your neck a certain way, biting your lip, pulling your shirt down so she would have a better view of your chest, if she dared to look, which to her own frustration she did, again and again, but you weren´t any better at self control, each time it was her turn you tried your best not to gawk her at her but she looked beautiful, her arms being the focus of the game was not ideal for keeping your pull towards her at bay. 

just as you were getting done with your last shot of the game, a young waitress came by to set down a drink in front of you, before you could finish the sentence “um sorry, I didn´t-”. she pointed down the room “it´s from the table over there”. you looked to where she´d directed your gaze and saw a group of three guys that seemed to be in their late 20s smiling at you a little too enthusiastically. “oh god no..” you uttered as you realized that they´d bought you the drink. they weren´t being too creepy about it but you hated the idea of having been observed without your knowledge, and you really didn´t want anyone to interrupt what you and Tess had going on, so you asked her “oh god, do you think they were watching us the entire time?” as you gave them a mild smile and looked away again, moving closer to her instinctively, “well if anything they were watching you”, she said, a mix of protectiveness and pride bubbling up in her, the former because she could tell you didn´t enjoy the attention you were getting, the latter because she thought tough luck guys, she´s more into me, which shocked her for a second, her sudden feeling of she´s mine, the way it went against everything she´d told herself about remaining detached. 

you got an idea then, “let´s leave” you said, as you reached for the drink that did look pretty good. without thinking twice you started guloing it down and when Tess realized you were trying to drink the whole thing at once she nudged you in the side “hey easy there”, but you were already finished by then, setting down the glass and exhaling in a slightly pained manner, she shook her head in disbelief, “are you trying to make yourself sick??” but you just smiled at her, a flicker of mischief in your eyes, and pulled her arm to make her follow you out, “I don´t feel like being watched any longer but didn´t wanna waste it, come”, so she let you drag her out, a smile on her face as she felt your fingers wrapped around her wrist.

by that time it had gotten dark and breeze that hit you as you stepped outside made you both sigh simultaneously, the parking lot was empty, it was just you and the intense atmosphere of a night out in the country and as you started walking you could feel the buzz of the drink you´d just downed getting to your head, so without asking first you steadied yourself against her, linking arms, feeling her slowing down her walk so you wouldn´t trip. after a while you realized just how comfortable you´d gotten with her, that you were acting the way you´d act with a close friend or a date, so once you´d crossed the street together you stepped away a little self consciously, but she didn´t mind, in fact, she almost reached for you to pull you back because she really enjoyed being held onto like that, but for what felt like the hundredth time that day she kept her hands to herself, clearly worn down from the constant effort of keeping suppressing her instincts, less and less willing to keep doing it. part of her was ready to just do what was wrong already. part of her was only waiting for it, the disaster, the point of no return. 

as you saw the pool that had been lit up by then, the delicious icey color that made the water look inviting, you got an idea, “let´s cool down for a second, come on!” you urged her, “you wanna get in with your clothes on?...” she asked, wondering if she was understanding you right, but that wasn´t the plan, you weren´t in the mood to shower again, “no let´s just put our legs in for a moment”, your voice giving away that you were slightly tipsy as you walked over to the edge of the pool and sat down, submerging your legs in the water until it reached up to right under your knee, the smell of chlorine weirdly nostalgic, transporting you back to carefree summer days as a kid.

“yeah this is nice, come” you said, waving her over impatiently as she still stood a few feet away, watching you, but eventually she gave in and got down next to you, consciously leaving a space about the width of a hand between your thighs. 

the air was finally bearable, still warm but not too humid, it was an idyllic moment, a deep silence you never could have experienced in the city, nobody around, the feeling of the gentle waves against your shins, it lent itself to introspection so for a moment you both just watched your legs as you moved them around a bit, accidentally touching underwater a few times but acting like nothing had happened. eventually you broke the silence, “kind of a shame that we´re gonna be home tomorrow already. I´m having fun”, of course Tess felt the same way but she wasn´t just gonna say that, not too fast, so after waiting for an answer that wouldn´t come you joked.“you know, now would be a good moment to tell me that you feel the same way”, which made her laugh, “I do, of course. this has been nice”, you turned to her then, “well that didn´t sound very enthusiastic, you can do better”, she smiled and turned to face you, “what do you want me to say, hm?” , you leaned closer then, a dramatic tone as you said “oh I don´t know, maybe that you´re obsessed with me, that you´re having the time of your life, that you wanna spend weeks and weeks with me, that I am the best traveling partner you´ve ever had”. 

she couldn´t believe how bold you were being, fixing you with a questioning look, “okay you´re drunk, aren´t you?”, you shook your head, protesting, “no”, “okay got it, you want me to blow up your ego a little, huh?”, she tried her best to divert attention from the fact that your exaggerated remarks weren´t too far off from what she actually felt about you. you shrugged, “sure yeah”, clearly wanting something else from her, she shook her head, “you´re not what I expected at all”, “right, let me guess, my dad advertised me as his perfect little angel baby” she grinned then, realizing that you knew exactly how he talked in your absence, “sort of yeah”, “do you wish I was more like that?”, you asked, she cocked her head then, giving a look that said, of course not, “no. would´ve been pretty lame”, you were pleased by that answer and leaned back, your back against the stone floor with your legs still dangling in the water, “oh damn” you said, as you saw the dazzling night sky, the lack of light pollution making it a thousand times more visible than you were used to, “look!” you told her, pointing up, so she tiled her head, “oh wow, that´s fucking beautiful.”, Tess couldn´t remember the last time she´d bothered to look up at the night sky and it struck her then that the whole day you´d succeeded in making her wake up to the world around her again, Tess wasn´t used to sudden rushes of excitement and joy anymore, she´d given up on that a long time ago, but there you were, again, waking parts of her up that had been dormant for a while, a genuine warm smile on her face that others in her life very rarely got to see.

laying down you closed your eyes, stretching your arms out and feeling your chest rising and falling as you took slow deep breaths. Tess remained sitting upright, for a second she also closed her eyes, but then she glanced down at you, your peaceful expression, and thought if she was my girlfriend I´d lean down and kiss her right now, just to see her reaction, she could visualize it perfectly, an initial moment of surprise followed by you smiling against her lips, she knew she couldn´t do it, but she thought of another way to get your attention back, so after about a minute of drifting off into a state of deep relaxation you were startled out of it by the sudden feeling of water hitting your face, cold drops splattered all over your cheeks and forehead. 

you opened your eyes and shot up while muttering “what the fuck??”, and the moment you laid eyes on Tess, her smug grin, you realized what had happened, “just making sure you´re not falling asleep there” she said, eyeing you, clearly amused by your reaction, so you got the sudden urge to do something to her too, thinking I´ll push her in, but she was too fast, she saw the thought forming, so the moment you lunged forward and tried to force her into the pool she grabbed your shoulders to push you back, which left you two in a struggle for power, one that she was clearly winning, her grip way too strong. you tried to muster up some force but you were clearly weaker than her, and something about it was thrilling, the proof of her strength, and it registered, she could tell that you took some sort of pleasure out of being handled like that, so neither of you let go, your faces barely a few inches apart as your fingers dug into the other person´s skin, you kept staring at each other and all of a sudden something like fear flickered through both of your eyes, because you felt it like electric currents, the rising tension between your bodies, the heat; she caught you looking back and forth between her lips and eyes, you saw her leaning forward a little and eventually you could feel each other´s breath as your touch slowly turned form forceful to gentle, your muscles not flexed anymore but you hands still where you´d grabbed each other. you almost pushed yourself to close the remaining distance then, you were so close, but then a door slammed shut nearby and abruptly shocked you both into letting go of each other, coughing nervously, adjusting your clothes, listening to the footsteps of the person who had just walked out until they were gone.

Tess was the first to get up, mumbling something along the lines of “yeah uh, it´s late let´s go inside”, while you kept sitting there for a beat longer, cursing the person who had walked out because you knew you wouldn´t just get a chance like that again, you could tell she was spooked, so if anything were to happen, you´d have to initiate it, you knew this and it frustrated you. once you walked inside the room you saw her rooting around in her back, neither of you knew how to continue after all that, so she took the easy way out, announcing “I´ll go get ready, brush my teeth get changed all that”, you just nodded, a quiet “okay” as she left you standing there. 

the moment that Tess shut the door behind herself she leaned back against it and put her hands over her face, breathing out like she´d just run a marathon, her heart still beating out of her chest, she was near paranoia at that point, wondering whether the timing of you being interrupted right at that moment was some final warning from a higher power, giving her one last chance to stop, to control herself. 

she knew she should have been grateful to get that chance, but she wasn´t, deep down she wished that things would have played out the way she wanted them to, the feeling of your breath against her lips was still burning on her skin and it was not going to stop until she´d feel it again, until she´d get to give you what you so clearly wanted from her. in an attempt to calm down she stepped towards the sink and splashed cold water on her face before changing into a loose tshirt and shorts with fabric thin enough to be bearable during summer nights. once she had nothing else to do in there she was dreading going back into the room because she had no idea what you´d do, what she´d do. it felt like she was walking into a trap: you and her in one room for the entire night. 

while she was going through all that you were trying to busy yourself, turning on the bedside lamps, shutting the curtains, eventually just sitting down and pretending to be busy on your phone until she walked back in again. you knew that was your cue to do what she´d just done so you said “yeah I´ll get ready too”, leaving her some space. you were quicker than her in there and less panicked, if anything you were frustrated because you were still so worked up from the image of her almost leaning in to kiss you, the thrill of that anticipation, and it made you feel determined then, staring at yourself in the mirror as you thought to yourself you´re gonna have to do it because she won´t. go back out there and finish what you started. she wants you to. so after a while you mustered up a good amount of confidence before walking back out again. 

what Tess did not realize was that she´d made a grave mistake by turning on the TV because with that she had given you the perfect excuse to sit down next to her, since her bed was the one directly facing it. if she´d just sat there reading a book or laying down, you would have had a much harder time finding a casual way to get close to her again, but the moment you saw that opening, you used it, walking over to her side of the room without even asking her if you could join her and sitting down on the right side of the bed, your back against the big pillow, your legs stretched out. she didn´t acknowledge it, she didn´t look at you or say anything, there was a clear effort on her part of acting chill but you could practically hear her blood rushing. sitting there, gauging the situation, you knew you´d have to be shameless because she wasn´t moving an inch, you´d have to break her, hit her weak spots, so in a first attempt to do that you moved your leg so it would touch hers, your knees making contact, she didn´t pull away but she also didn´t react, so you waited, your breath starting to get more shallow as you felt her skin against yours. Tess was frozen up because her mind was saying push her away, tell her to leave, make her go to her own bed but her instincts told her differently, so you went further, laying your hand on her leg, which sent a shock through her whole body and made her shake her head, finally speaking, her voice barely above a whisper, “we can´t…”, almost pleading with you then, which made you turn to her, waiting for her to look at you but she wouldn´t, so you stopped being subtle. 

after a moment of mustering up all of your courage, you got up and moved on top of her in one swift motion, your legs on either side of hers then, straddling her, trapping her, Tess´s hands were gripping the sheets to keep herself from touching you as you got comfortable and put your hands on her shoulder, staring at her with a fire in your eyes while she shut hers from the overwhelming sensation. “we really shouldn´t be doing this..” she said but you shut her up by leaning close to her neck, breathing against her skin, “I won´t tell a soul, I promise, I swear on my life”, you could feel her shuddering under you, so you made it even worse, moving your hand to hold her cheek as you whispered to her, “please Tess. please..” drawing out the words, a neediness in your voice that hit her right at her core. begging was the thing that always got her to her knees, so her will was completely broken by then. the feeling of your weight on top of her, your bare legs pressed against hers, your scent that awoke a visceral hunger in her, your relentless pursuit, all of it was driving her completely insane and the decision was already made, she was just drawing out the last few seconds where she could consider herself guiltless. the moment she heard you whining the word “please” again, no part of her was hesitant anymore; she let go of the sheets and grabbed your face to pull you down into a kiss.

you both kept your lips pressed against each other for a moment, prolonging the intense thrill of that first contact, before pulling back and kissing again, and again, and again, an erratic nature to it, her hands in your hair by then, and the most freeing thing about the moment was that neither of you tried to conceal your violent desperation because you could tell you were together in the feeling, you didn´t even try to stay quiet, moaning into each other´s mouths whenever you separated for a second, the sounds lower and mure guttural whenever they were trapped inside of you, a constant shifting of you on top of her, your hands on her chest to steady yourself as she pulled your face close, the kissing turning slower and sloppier the more time passed; the moment you felt her tongue against yours you were a mess and she could tell, you were moving against her thigh, not aggressively but there was a clear rocking of your hips and it turned her on even more, to feel you using her as she felt your tongue in her mouth, an almost perverse nature to how you were going about it then, sucking each others lips, licking over each other´s mouths, while you felt only the thin fabric of your shorts separating the ache between your legs from the muscle of her leg, which you were using to create friction, but Tess couldn´t just stay under you, she craved more, so eventually she put her strength to good use, pushing you to the space next to her on the bed and pulling your top over your head, throwing it to the floor and immediately grabbing your tits after, staring down at you in awe as you moaned from the sensation, “you´re so fucking pretty..” her voice even lower than usual, getting you even mor worked up.

she bent down to kiss your neck as she grabbed your hands to keep them at your sides, your fingers interlaced as she savored the feeling and scent of your skin, you could feel it with every kiss, how much she wanted you, how she was keeping herself from biting your flesh because she wanted to taste you that badly, it was turning your sounds even more desperate, the burn of her kisses all over your neck and throat as she moved down and let go of your hands to squeeze one of your tits as she ran her tongue over the other one, your hands on her back then, moving under the shirt that she still had on, scratching her a little as your nails dug in with the effort to hold on as she had her way sucking on the heavenly soft skin of your chest, surely leaving a few marks, switching between kissing and licking, fully lost in a haze of pure lust by then, there was no shame, nothing holding her back from taking what she wanted, from giving what you needed, in that moment you felt more present in your body than ever before, every breath left you feeling more alive, you could feel each of her fingertips leaving a deep impact where they rested on your body, you felt warm all over, not the usual kind of warm but the kind that spreads from your core out into every part of you, a visceral warmth, it was a type of arousal you weren´t familiar with, and she could tell, she was also lost in her need but she was more experienced, so she knew she´d have to take care of you right, which she was doing, you were blissed out by the feeling of her on top of you, her unrestrained claiming of your body as you pulled her shirt up and begged “please, I wanna feel you”, which made her undress too then. 

the moment she was topless you grabbed her face and pulled her down to feel her chest to chest, giving her a deep kiss as you felt her tits pressed against yours, a sensation that felt divine while making out, so for a moment you stayed like that, flush against each other as you continued the needy slow kissing from before, this is what it is supposed to feel like you thought because you knew you could do just that for hours and hours and still want more, you could feel her long hair falling down the sides of your face as you kissed and you loved that one feminine part of her, you´d admired her all day so in that moment it felt like a dream to get to feel her all over you like that, after a while she became impatient, she needed more, she wanted to please you as intensely as possible, so she moved down and helped you out of your shorts, leaving you exposed, her hands running over your thighs while admiring you, but before she could touch you the way she wanted to, you grabbed one of her hands and moved it to your face, your tongue running over her fingers before she went along with what you were doing and put her fingers in your mouth, your lips closing around them to suck on them, coating them in your spit, which was enough to almost make her black out then, her breathing all kinds of fucked up, interrupted by a moan, as you got lost in the sensation of having her in your mouth like that, a distinctly perverse feel to it that thrilled you both, “you´re a good girl, hm”, she breathed as you let go and made eye contact with her, which she held as she moved her hand between your legs to finally feel how wet you´d gotten, an involuntary “fuck..” as she felt your slick heat, you were soaked and she was getting off on it, the proof of your need for her.

at first she just moved her fingers between your aroused lips to savor the warm velvety feeling, the absolute mess that she was responsible for, a distinct whining sound from you as she did it, “you feel fucking perfect” she assured you, sensing that you needed more, she was careful then, watching your face closely as she moved up a bit, looking down at you as she pushed her middle and ring finger inside of you, a slight gasp from you, “okay?” she made sure, “yes, yes” you urged, a breathless tone, as you felt the initial burn subsiding, replaced by the pleasure of feeling her knuckle deep inside of you, she let you breathe through it for a moment before moving her fingers again, her free hand on the side of your face, which you leaned into as she fucked you the way she´d been dying to, the rythm slow and intense, a secure skilled nature to her movements, she knew what she was doing, she knew how to get you to lose yourself, fully, you felt an intense throbbing and pleasurable ache at your core, it spread through your whole body as you let out soft cries from the sensation, your hips moving up to meet her hand, she could have stared at you like that forever, the way your face twisted when she hit a certain spot, the control she had over your whole being in that moment, the needy whines that left your lips that made her unbearably soft for you, “you´re okay baby, I got you”, the baby slipped out, she usually never said it to hookups but you were different, she felt a deep affection for you, it made your lose your mind even more to hear her call you that while she was fucking you just right, her arm was strong so she wasn´t going to cramp up, a relentless pressure on the spot inside of you that was making you unravel, “fuck just like that don´t stop please” you uttered in a breathless tone, begging her to finish you off, your nails digging into her back as she leaned down and felt you struggling to kiss her back as she kept her fingers inside of you to angle them just right and push until you couldn´t handle it anymore, her own moans getting louder again as she felt your walls clenching around her fingers, your body exhausting itself with pleasure, “you´re close hm?” she cooed down at you, a weak nod as your head fell back against the pillow, your hair all messed up by that point, “you can cum sweetie, come on, show me how pretty you look”, her words were the final push you needed to surrender to the feeling that you were still trying to keep inside, but it was over, one more deliberate hard push from her fingers and you felt every single muscle inside of you tensing up, you´d had orgasms before but not like that, it was fully body, hot and close to a spiritual experience, your mind silenced by the intensity of your physical experience, she was completely in awe, staring at you, her free hand flat on your chest as she slowed down but didn´t stop yet, giving you a moment to ride out your high on her hand, eventually pulling her fingers out and hearing a whine as she did it, the sudden emptiness almost painful for a second. Tess left you a moment to breathe, to lay there, spent and flushed and still unable to think, savoring the aftershocks of the climax, the soreness that felt good, the little pains of sex that made it clear you´d had a good time. 

after a minute she caressed you, your stomach, your hips, drawing patterns with her finger as she asked “I wanna taste you so bad.. can I?”, you still sounded shaky as you nodded and said, “yes, I´ll be a fucking mess though”, she grinned as she grabbed your thighs and pushed them apart to get between them, “good, it suits you”, so you braced yourself for a good amount of over stimulation as she started kissing your inner thighs, biting down as she got further up because she knew nobody would see the indents her teeth left except you, she could tell that you were still weak so she held your legs in place with a firm grip as she got her face where she wanted it, at first just pushing her lips up against your cunt to coat them in your juices, before using her tongue to lick it all up, a filthiness that she loved, a hum of pleasure as she held you in place and licked all over your core in broad sloppy strokes, “fuck Tess” you whined, because you could tell you were gonna cum again if she didn´t stop, you were still raw and sensitive from before so it didn´t take much, her fingers dug into your flesh to keep you from moving away from her face as you failed miserably at keeping quiet as she sucked on your clit and made you finish against her lips, not as hard as before but still intensely, you were emptied of any strength by then, slack against the sheets as she also tried to catch her breath, wiping her mouth before moving to the empty space next to you and laying down too. 

for a moment it was perfect, she was still high on the feeling of you all over her, the echo of your sounds  fresh in her mind, your taste still all over her lips, but as her heart rate slowed down and her thoughts became clearer again the reality of her situation came crashing over her; she looked at you, the proof of what she´d done written all over your naked body, your face, and felt like the walls were gonna close in on her, so she got up, giving your leg a pat as she said “uh I need to-” stopping for a moment to breathe properly “I´ve gotta get some fresh air, I´ll be back in a second”. Tess picked her shirt up from the floor, pulled it over her head and walked outside. you could guess why she was acting that way, what she was thinking, so you decided to give her some space before going after her. 

as you laid there on your own, you knew you should have maybe felt a bit of remorse but you didn´t, at all, you smiled to yourself as you waited for you limbs to get less shaky and eventually got up, looking down at the red splotches that she´d left on your chest, on your thighs, tracing them with your finger before getting dressed and following her outside. 

once you walked out the cool night air hit your face and you saw her sitting at the table right next to your door, occupying one of the two plastic chairs, so you quietly approached and sat down opposite her, eyeing her as her gaze remained cast to the floor, her fingers tapping on the table, a nervous habit. you observed her for a moment before asking, “hey, you okay?” in a gentle tone, she still didn´t meet your eyes as she answered, “yeah I don´t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I really shouldn´t have done that”, you could tell that she was genuinely beating herself up so you said, “well, I initiated so-” but she shook her head and looked up at you then, “still, I should know better. I am responsible here”, you titled your head then, “Tess you know we are both grown right? you did nothing wrong”, she kept looking at you, her tone lower then, “he´d fucking kill me for this.” she said, plainly, a hint of fear in there, you knew of course who the “he” in question was, and it pissed you off, “he doesn´t own me.”. 

that surprised her, the seriousness and slight hint of anger with which you said that, it was not what she´d expected and you had more to say on the matter once you saw that you had her attention. “you know” you started, crossing your legs and leaning back, “I spent so much time of my life catering to other people´s needs, I went through some pretty horrible times without ever expecting much help or understanding, supporting others through their shit while I was also taking care of myself, so I think I deserve to go after what I want for once without crucifying myself for it. I have considered everyone else´s feelings often enough, I think it´s about time I look out for my own needs too. and I don´t wanna speak for you, but you also strike me as the type to deny yourself joy for some reason, some self-punishment thing maybe, I can tell because I have done that myself. so I mean this when I say it: we have nothing to feel bad for. this is our business, nobody else´s. and I for one wont apologize for being happy right now, because I am” she processed it, that impressive monolgue, your passionate plea for self determination, Tess cracked a smile then “damn. you´re pretty fucking wise” you shrugged, echoing what she´d said to you earlier, “I try” a pause then as she relaxed and felt the darker feelings leaving her system, replaced by the immense excitement she´d felt before, “you´re not a bad person and this doesn´t change that” you said, “okay?”, she nodded, trying to believe you which was made easier by your confidence, “okay.”. 

Tess realized then that she´d messed up by just leaving you there right after doing all that to you, she regretted it, that her conscience had gotten to her and that she´d missed out on the chance to hold you and lay there together, so she looked at you, endeared by the loving gaze you were watching her with and waved your over “come here” she said, smiling warmly, patting her lap, so you got up and walked over, hesitating a moment once you stood in front of her, so she pulled you down and wrapped her arms around your back to hold you in place, “you should know by now that I am strong enough to handle you”, you put your arms around her neck and smiled back at her, feeling her move one of her hands to your thigh, squeezing gently as you stared into each others eyes. “I´m sorry, I shouldn´t have left you there”, “oh it´s fine really, I can only think about what you did before that anyway” you said, running your fingers through her hair then and she looked all blissed out in that moment, she loved having you sitting on her, holding you close while you were being tender with her, “you´re so beautiful.” she said, an emotional tone, you could tell that she really meant it, so you leaned down to kiss her, a soft and romantic one, it was a dreamy moment, you were alone out there, an ideal temperature by that point, not cold but fresh, the sky still sparkling with stars, you both felt nothing but gratitude then, to be ending your day like that. 

you laughed then as you pulled back from the kiss, “god. I like you so fucking much. I don´t know what´s happening to me” which made her blush, “yeah me neither. I think I was close to passing out when you got on top of me” it came back to her in that moment, “oh yeah?” you liked hearing her talking about how she´d felt in that moment, she grinned, her hand caressing your thigh as she spoke “yeah, you got me good.”, “well you did too. but you know that, I wasn´t being very subtle about it…” you said, recalling how utterly desperate you´d sounded all throughout the act, “no need to be embarrassed, you sound hot”, you were the one blushing then, “stop” you said, looking away from her for a moment, “oh don´t act shy now, I know you´re not”, she teased, and she was right, with her you weren´t. you rested your head on her shoulder for a moment as she kept her arms wrapped tightly around your waist, before you both felt your limbs going numb, “okay, we should probably get some sleep”, Tess said, so you both walked back inside, not giving a fuck at all if anyone had seen you doing all that out there.

once you were back inside she could see you stopping in front of her bed, eyeing it like you were about to get in, “no, come on, we already did enough” she said while giving your back a light shove to move you away, “I won´t do anything, I´ll just lay there and sleep!”, you insisted, all sweet and innocent sounding, “I don´t believe you for a second” she responded, so you sulked a little as you walked over to your own bed and pulled up the blanket to get in.

“okay, have it your way. but you´re missing out” you told her from across the room as she smiled to herself, “I´m sure I am”. you both got comfortable and turned to face each other, resting on your pillows, arms over the blankets because it was too warm otherwise, your expression almost sad then, “oh don´t look at me like that” she pleaded, knowing that it would be a horrible idea to give into your wish, to allow intimacy like sleeping next to each other, she was already way too attached. you kept thinking about how you were dying to be held by her again and it was visible all over your face, so after a moment of silence and her staring at you, unable to free herself of the urge to reach out, she couldn´t deny you any longer, “alright, get over here”, which she didn´t have to say twice; it took about one second for you to hurry over and crawl under the covers that she was holding up for you, gesturing for you to get in. 

the moment you laid your head on her chest, she put her arm around your back to pull you closer, her other hand finding its way to your hair, gently running her fingers through it as you made a humming sound of pleasure, “better?”, she asked, a rhetorical question, “much better, and I know you agree” you said, a satisfied smile as you closed your eyes and relaxed into her. “can´t remember the last time I shared a bed with someone” you confessed, a moment of spontaneous honesty, “me neither” she felt like putting her cards on the table too, which was new, she´d hardly shared anything about her love life with you before but she wanted to make it clear that she was not used to it, being that close to someone. the moment was soft, quiet and sacred almost, after a long day of trying to figure each other out, trying to hold it all in, it was such a relief to have it all out in the open, laying there in each other´s arms, tired and content and aware that it was no small thing for either of you, to trust someone, to be vulnerable like that, after having gotten used to being on your own. your hand slid under her shirt and rested on her stomach as you both started getting drowsy and drifted off to sleep after you said a quiet “good night. sweet dreams” to each other. 

later that night you separated in your sleep, sprawled out on either side of the bed, legs and arms only half covered by the blanket, a deep peaceful sleep, which Tess only woke up from once, immediately putting her hand on your arm to feel your presence next to her while falling back asleep again. 

around 7 am Tess couldn´t sleep anymore because she usually got up around that time at home, so for a while she just laid there, enjoying the serenity of the early morning, the feeling of your body so close, until she became restless and quietly got up, careful not to wake you. she cracked the door open to let some fresh air in, stepping out to look at the cloudless sky, watching a few people smoking and drinking coffee outside of their rooms. around 7:30 she was dressed and sat down in the chair in the corner of the room to read but after rereading the same paragraph about three times because she wasn´t paying attention at all, she stopped lying to herself and did what she actually wanted to do: watching you sleep. 

she sat there looking at you, your peaceful expression, the way your body was twisted up in the bedsheets, your leg that was fully visible over the blanket because your shorts had hiked up during the night, your face resting on your hand as you slept on your side. it looked angelic to her, like a painting that some lovestruck artist had drawn of their girl; the way some light feel through the curtains and hit certain parts of your skin, your hair, she was trying hard to memorize every detail because she had no idea if and when she´d see you like that again. it almost made her laugh to herself then, just how deeply romantic she still was after years of not experiencing much romance at all, it didn´t matter, it was still there, her devoted nature, her desire for something all consuming and life changing. for the right person Tess was willing to bleed and ache and do the objectively wrong thing if it meant seeing them happy, seeing them well loved and healed by her affection in some way, even if it was just for a short while. nothing in the world was more important to her than feeling like she was actively making someone´s life a little easer and lighter, so seeing you in her bed, looking like you´d just gotten the best sleep of your life, it made her feel like she hadn´t done anything too unforgivable after all. 

around 9 am she knew she´d have to wake you up so you could get ready without being in a hurry, so she sat down on the edge of the bed and brushed a strand of hair out of your face, traced your nose with her index finger. when that didn´t wake you up, she shook your shoulder, gently, which finally made you stir and open your eyes, squinting them at first while you tried to recall where you were. “well hello sleeping beauty. you´re not a morning person, huh?” she said, smiling down at you as you came to your senses and shook your head, your voice slightly creaky as you said “no”, blindly reaching for her and placing your hand on her thigh as you closed your eyes again, “hey come on, no, you´ve gotta get up”, she said, touching your cheek, so you forced yourself awake, stretching your limbs out as you registered that she was already dressed and ready. “wait, how long have you been up?” you asked, propping yourself up on your elbows. “hm, like two hours?”, you looked at her then, “you should have woken me up”, “why? we don´t have to leave til like 10”, you smiled at her as you sat upright then, pulling her hand towards your legs which you´d moved onto her lap, “I wanna make use of all the time we have left together”, you could see a slight blush on her cheek then.

“just woke up and already flirting with me, huh?”, “yes, in fact I am. you look hot, I like this” you said, fingering the fabric of her button up shirt that she´d pushed up to her elbows, she didn´t say anything but stared at you in a way that made it clear that she enjoyed your shameless way of speaking to her, a contrast to all the subtext the day before, so she pulled you closer to kiss your cheek, feeling your arms around her waist as she did this, her lips moving to your neck for a second, getting a few soft sighs out of you that made her feel weak, like she should do more, but she pulled away just before a mark could form, taking in the satisfied look on your face before announcing, “okay, here´s the plan. we have to check out at 10:00, so I looked up places where we could get breakfast and I found this one that looks pretty good about 5 miles away. I think you could use some coffee hm?”. you nodded, moving your legs away from her and getting up from the bed, “yes sounds good, let me get ready, I´ll be quick”. 

after getting dressed you sat down at the small wooden table that had a mirror standing on it to take care of your hair and apply some skincare to your face, you could feel her eyes on your backside as you did this and it felt nice, to have someone silently observing your little morning rituals, to be witnessed by someone who clearly had a loving gaze directed at you. once you were done you joined her on her bed, “we still have 20 minutes” she said and for a moment you both just laid there, your bags packed, your room clean, nothing left to do. after a moment of comfortable silence, it hit both of you at the same time: the fact that you had no idea when you´d be together in private like that again; there was no clear answer as to when you´d share a room or a bed again, when you´d be free to do whatever you wanted again, so as you both turned to face each other, still untouched by any stress or exhaustion that the day might bring, your skin still sweatless and fresh, you both felt the need to touch each other, to do something, to use the bit of remaining time. 

you´d gotten very good very fast at reading each other´s expressions, so you knew she wanted you to when you reached over and slid your hand down her shorts, as she did the same thing to you, your arms touching where they crossed, both of you moving closer together to make it easier; it was very different from the night before, there was a slow sensuality to what you were doing, an intimacy that was pure in the sense that you just wanted to quickly make the other person feel good, no need to get undressed or make it a whole thing, a moment of desire that was comfortable and soft, relaxed positions while hearing the other person sigh and move their hips a little. you reached down each other´s underwear and started doing what you usually did when you masturbated, a laziness to it that lulled you into a state of arousal that was full body, intense but not violent or overwhelming. instinctively you started mirroring what she did, gentle movements at first, faint gasps from both of you, and it became a delicious game very quickly, to feel yourself growing hotter not just from the feeling of her fingers on you but the sounds that you were getting out of her, the sensations equally thrilling. Tess was obsessed with the way your lips parted, how head fell back, the way you needily pushed yourself against her hand, the way your sighs were slowly turning into moans, she could feel herself growing wetter just from that sight, it had been a while since someone had touched her like you were in that moment, so she was sensitive, an immediate throbbing sensation at her core the moment you increased the pressure of your fingers, matching the rhythm she was using on you then, a shared feeling of if i go harder, she´ll be louder, so you ended up pushing each other towards your orgasm at the same time, you didn´t even need to tell each other that you were about to finish because you could tell, your legs touching as you moved around more, finally tensing up as you came and felt the release tingling all over your body, a brief silence after you removed your hands from each other´s underwear and laid flat on your back, satisfied by the unexpected early morning action. 

eventually she got up and made a waving motion with her hand to signal to you to the same “okay, we should get going, get your stuff”, which seemed very typically Tess, following up a moment of vulnerability with a return to her stern giving orders vibe, but you didn´t mind at all, it was hot to you, her duality, the fact that she was so sweet to you but also had no problem bossing you around when she wanted to. you could still feel the heat between your legs as you moved to collect your bags and followed her out, a glow to you that was unusual, normally you looked mildly annoyed at that hour while walking to class, so it was a great contrast, to start your day on such a high.

the drive to the breakfast spot only took about fifteen minutes, which was a relief because you were both starving and in need of caffeine. you walked in ahead of Tess and were met by an older woman working there who reminded you of the women you´d grown up around, a cheerful demeanor, a thick accent and the immediate use of words like “ladies” while addressing you both, even though you definitely weren´t too ladylike, especially not Tess. it was an intriguing thing for her to see you talking to the woman as she assigned you both a table, the way you immediately slipped into a different vocabulary, the way she treated you like a sweet daughter of hers even though you were strangers. 

all Tess could think in that moment was if you only knew that she just jerked me off, a smugness to it, she liked that it wasn´t obvious at all to people what you were to each other, there was something undeniably sexy about being a secret thing. 

after you sat down across from each other there was a moment of silence and it was distinctly different to the kind that had hung between you the day before, it was comfortable and warm instead of apprehensive and charged, the kind that signals to onlookers oh yeah they know each other well, no awkwardness at all. after you ordered a good amount of breakfast foods to share and sat there waiting, you asked, “so, how long are you staying again?”. “two weeks. and I am so fucking glad right now that I declined your dads offer to stay at your guys´s place” she said, leaning back and crossing her arms, “well I´m not.” you said, which made her laugh.

“where are you staying then?”, you inquired, “at a friends place, she and her husband are out of town for a while, I am house sitting in a way” you pondered that, “hm right. you should give me the address”, “should I? so you can do what, come over at night?”, you shrugged, “maybe, yes, I´ll say I am going to a friends house”, “hm, I´ll think about it”, she said, but you both knew she´d tell you of course. 

“do you and dad have any plans?” you asked while keeping your hands busy with a paper napkin, absentmindedly ripping small pieces off. “kind of, we´ll go visit our college town one day I think, see how it´s holding up, visit old landmarks of our youth, all that sentimental stuff. other than that not much, guess we´ll see how it plays out. and you?” she said, leaning her head on her hand then, eyeing your curiously, “what about me?”. “you know, what are you gonna do with all your free time when we´re gone”, she asked, you thought about it, “god I don´t know. relax, sleep, go to this cafe I used to basically live in when I still lived at home. oh and I think my best friend from high school is coming back in a few days, so I guess we´ll hang out a bit”, that got her attention then, for some reason she imagined some beautiful prom queen type, luscious hair a bright smile, someone striking and charismatic, “best friend?” she probed, her tone low and a question hidden in there she wouldn´t explicitly ask, which you clocked of course and found charming, her inability to hide that she was the jealous type. “yes, best friend. she´s straight. besides, even if she wasn´t, not my type”, she relaxed a little because she could tell you weren´t lying, “right, a little too young for you, hm?” a cocky grin on her face as she said this, your sudden expression of shock giving away that she´d gotten you good with that one, you shook your head, “unbelievable..”, but you weren´t really offended, it felt good to be messed with. 

once the coffee and food were spread out before you, you both stopped talking as you were busy deciding what to indulge in first, you went for the waffles, she went for the pancakes that were generously topped off with chocolate chips and strawberries, a stark contrast to her usual first meal of the day which she hardly ever put much effort into. the thick syrup you poured over the waffles was running down the sides of them and pooling up so you used your finger to clean the plate, licking it off without thinking twice, but after a moment you could tell that Tess had stopped eating and just sat there looking at you, your mouth, you pretended you didn´t notice and decided to fuck with her a little, drawing it out, making it pretty obscene, the way you ran your tongue over your index finger, repeating it once you got the rest of the excess syrup off the edge of your plate; Tess was not subtle with her staring because it stirred something in her, the sight of fingers in your mouth, out of nowhere you felt a pretty hard kick to your legs under the table which made you stop and say “ouch?? what the fuck?”.

“I could ask you the same thing, we´re in public, you´re being mean” she said, “mean?” you said, raising your eyebrows, “yes, you know I can´t do shit right now”, you smiled at her then, pretending you didn´t know what she meant, “and what is it that you wanna do so badly?”, her eyes were still fixed on you, “how about you keep eating instead of giving me hell, could you do that?”, pointing at your cutlery, “sure.” you said, acting all nonchalant, drinking some of the orange juice and grabbing a strawberry from her plate as her demeanor relaxed again, “god..” she uttered under her breath as she picked up her fork again.

“oh by the way, you know you won´t get around at least one dinner with him and me right? he´ll insist”, you said,“yeah I know. should be interesting… I´ll just pretend you have an identical twin sister who is sitting at the table with us instead of you”, you laughed then, “sure, whatever works for you”. 

once you were done eating you sat there for a few more minutes, chatting, until you knew it was time to get back on the road. the hours that day predictably passed way faster than the day before, the way they always do when you´re starting to reach the peak of having fun and lose track of time. the first hour went by in a flash, the second was mostly spent telling stories about your lives that might amuse the other person, she of course had more years to choose from than you but you still found a good amount of stories from your adolescence that entertained her, neither of you had talked that much and that openly to someone in what felt like years, so you never ran out of things to say and never got bored, eager to connect and know more, even the seemingly irrelevant details about your lives.your bond seemed solid by that point, even though you´d only met the day before. two and a half hours into your drive the midday sun was beating down on the car and the open windows didn´t help much, so you decided to stop for gas and get some snacks and drinks, planning on a half hour break to cool off and regain some energy. 

once you were inside the station, you pulled her towards the back where people could get slushies, at least 10 different flavors to choose from, which didn´t seem like a bad idea to you in that moment. “oh I haven´t had one of these in ages, let´s get some”, she looked at you as you both stood there, “sweetie you know this is literally just sugar and food coloring right? like this is a fucking nightmare for your body”, you rolled your eyes at her, “jesus Tess, I didn´t take you for a health freak”.

“I don´t think it´s a health freak thing to not wanna rot your teeth”, you shoved her in the side then, “oh come on, live a little, you know sometimes the nasty stuff hits the spot”, she grinned then which made you register double entendre there, “oh fuck off just come here and choose, it won´t kill you”, so she gave in “okay okay, let me see”. you took a cup and handed her one too, “we should mix flavors I think, I remember that being good. I´ll do cherry and coke I think, classic. you?”, “hmm, I´ll do blue raspberry and coke”. 

after you walked back outside you sat down on the hood of her car, thankfully on your own, taking your first sips at the same time. “okay you´re right this does feel good” she admitted, immediately drinking more, savoring the feeling of the ice melting in her mouth, the sweetness giving her a rush while you just watched her, pleased with the sight of her all absorbed in the drink. after a moment of silence you asked, “wanna try mine?”, leaning over before she could answer, the distinct taste of artificial cherry transferred directly onto her tongue as you gave her a deep kiss, making sure she´d feel the residue of your drink, a quiet moan trapped in her throat as she felt your cold lips against hers, a distinctly youthful feel to it, using the excuse of tasting all the options as an excuse to kiss, to touch tongues, it was pure bliss for a moment, the warmth of the sun contrasted by the freezing drinks in your hands, your sloppy display of affection, the uninhibited nature of your desire for her, a sly grin on your face after you pulled back and licked your swollen lips clean, watching her use her hand to wipe hers while she shook her head and laughed to herself, her face flushed. “god what the fuck am I gonna do..” she said in an existential tone, looking over at you, the way you were using the straw to scoop some of the drink out, “like right now or..?” you joked, clearly understanding what she meant. “it´s gonna be such a nightmare to just leave in two weeks. I´m not built for casual at all, I can´t do all this and then just leave, that´s fucking insane.” you smiled at her, “yeah I know. about that, I kind of had an idea..” she was curious then, listening as you went on “you can say if this would be too much, but I could tell dad that I wanna go back to college a few weeks early, it wouldn´t be weird at all, a lot of people do it, and then I could.. you know. come visit. you could show me your city, your life” a bright expression on your face then as you imagined it. she eyed you, processing your proposal, “you´d do that, really? go behind his back and lie like that to come see me?” you shrugged, “absolutely yes”. 

it surprised her that you were willing to do all that and made it sound like the most natural thing in the world, it made it clear to her that she might not be alone in her slightly obsessive mindset when it came to what you two had going on. “I should probably discourage you from doing all that, but who am I kidding, that sounds great.” she thought about it for a second before adding “you´re really just gonna take the risk of living with me for a while?”, you laughed then, “risk? is there something you wanna tell me, criminal record or..?”, Tess shook her head,“no, I mean, not that I am aware of, but you know. you have no idea how I live, how I act in my everyday life, it could be a let down” your expression softened then, you could tell that she wasn´t used to having people stay over. “I grew up with a chaotic single father, I think I can handle about any strange habit you could possibly think of. I bet you´ll have to kick me out in the end because I won´t wanna go back to the dorms” she smiled at you, “well, I´ll drive you back to college then, see how you guys live nowadays. do young people still do a lot of drugs?”, she asked, half joking, “not the crowd I run with. but maybe I should start. any suggestions?”, you were alluding to her past which surely included more than one experiment with recreational drug use “none, don't start, it´s not worth it. but you know, smoking´s fine, your dad would hate that I am saying this to you, but I think weed has a time and place” you nodded, “we should get high together sometime. see what happens”, she nudged your leg with hers, “well I think I know what would happen”, a grin on your face as she said this, “I´d hope so” you said, brushing your knee against hers as you both finished your drinks, getting rid of the cups once there was only a small layer of colorless ice left at the bottom. 

you had about four hours of driving left, and after about one too many times of you distracting her by touching her, she took you up on your offer to take a break from driving and let you do it for the remaining distance. “I should have made you take over sooner, this is nice” she sighed, stretching out her legs and getting comfortable, doing the same shameless staring from the side that you´d previously done to her, which you didn´t mind at all.“you´re a better driver than I thought” she remarked, which made you turn to her for a second, “are you insinuating that you think young women are all bad drivers? pretty sexist Tess” you teased, not really meaning it, she smiled, “sure, you know me, huge misogynist”.

for a while then you just discussed the logistics of when and where you could see each other, which places in your hometown you might take her, when you might use the excuse of sleeping over at a friends place to spend the night at her place, and a few times Tess caught herself almost slipping back into the mindset of what the fuck am I doing here, but your words had stuck with her, she couldn´t remember the last time she´d felt that present and glad to be alive, so she thought of the sneaking around as something you just had to do, without building it up to be this huge moral issue.

 she looked at you a few times that afternoon and thought about how you had no idea that you were strong in some ways that she wasn´t, that you were teaching her certain things without even trying, it was an unexpected thing in your dynamic, that you were giving each other things that you needed without even having to ask for them. she was giving you a stability and security you´d been missing all your life, so often you´d been around people who stressed you out or who couldn´t control their moods, who relied on you to keep the peace, and being with her brought you a deep sense of calm because she was so opposite that, so attuned to how you were feeling, so willing to be the shoulder to lean on, both physically and emotionally. you were giving her a lightness and lust for life that she had lost a while ago, she was so used to settling for the bare minimum and just letting the days pass her by, that your sense of freedom and your way of making the most out of any situation you were in, paying attention to details and indulging in pleasures no matter how insignificant or strange they might seem, it was waking her senses up again, her need for more, for passion and fire, you were helping her see that there was no point in denying herself joy when it presented itself, just out of the fear that it might not last forever. 

around 5 pm you drove into your hometown and both of you suddenly quieted down, knowing that your road trip was reaching its finish line. you parked further down the street on purpose, you wanted privacy and no fear of being seen from the house for your last few moments in the car together, so once you pulled into a spot and turned off the ignition, you both sat there in a charged silence for a moment, a shared feeling of I don´t want this to be over yet. 

eventually, you looked at each other and she took your hand, giving you a reassuring squeeze, “ready?”, she said, “no.” you answered, a sharpness to your tone that amused her, watching you as your gaze wandered down onto your lap, the sight of your fingers intertwined, and all of a sudden a violent wave of emotion crashed over you; you realized just how much that time with her had given you, how fulfilled you were, how happy and carefree you felt with her, after missing that feeling for so long. you couldn´t do anything about the fact that you were tearing up and she could tell, “are your crying?” she couldn´t help but smile because she knew they weren´t tears of pain, you turned to her, a little embarrassed about it, looking at her intensely, a gentle touch on your cheek to wipe the tears as she almost felt her eyes glistening too, words weren´t needed, the way you looked at each other said it all. a spontaneous willingness to be risky made you both lean in for a kiss, even though there was a slight chance some neighbor or acquaintance could have been walking down the street, you didn´t care one bit, holding each other´s faces with urgency before pulling away and laughing, realizing at the same time how dramatic you were being. you wiped your eyes and shook your head, “jesus look at me…”, she grinned, “look at us. we´re fucked, aren´t we?”, you smiled at her, nodding, “looks that way”. Tess took the reins and moved to open her door, “okay, come on, we need to go”. 

as you walked down the street to your house you pointed out certain things to her, which house belonged to which crazy neighbor, where you´d once almost crashed your dad´s car right after getting your license, which tree you´d climbed when you were a kid. 

as you walked up to your house you felt her tap you on the shoulder, “you forgot something” she said, snatching her sunglasses from your head which you´d used to push up your hair during the drive, she put them on, giving herself the comfort of not having to make immediate eye contact with Joel once he opened the door, urging you to take the lead. Tess stood a few feet behind you as you rang the bell and he opened the door, immediately pulling you into a tight embrace, almost crushing you, “my sweet girl, look at you. I swear you get more beautiful each time I see you”, the hug lasted longer than the casual kind because you hadn´t seen each other since Christmas, a slight feeling of self consciousness as he showered you with affection in front of her. eventually you separated and he looked at Tess, a warm expression as you walked past him to get inside and left them standing in there in doorway as she walked closer. Joel greeted her “well well, and who do we have here” gesturing for her to also give him a hug, which she did, “hey Miller, been a while”, “yeah, too damn long” he said, glad to see her in person again since the last time had been over two years ago. 

he gave her pat on the shoulder, “I´ve gotta say, you look great” he told her, meaning it, “well, I´d say you do too, but you´ve aged quite a bit, my friend” she teased, which made him laugh, “ah there we go, just what I´ve been looking forward to, your unparalleled charm”. their immediate comfort around each other put her at ease, all the worries she´d had before about facing him after your time together, potential feelings of dread or guilt or terror faded away in an instant, replaced by a sense of excitement as she followed him inside. 

you had dropped your bags off at the bottom of the stairs and were waiting for them in the kitchen. once they entered the room he immediately went over to the fridge, “you guys must be dying of thirst, what do you want?”, you and Tess both pointed out the refreshments you wanted and took a few sips after he handed them to you, waiting for him to talk. “be honest with me, did she give you any trouble?” he asked, clearly addressing Tess but you spoke up before she could answer “which one of us are you asking?” you said, which made him laugh, “well, I guess both of you”, Tess chimed in then, “nothing I couldn´t handle”, you added to that, “I mean, putting up with you for two decades was good practice for one day with me I think” you joked, smiling at him, and he was relieved to see that apparently you had gotten along really well, “okay I see, you two seem a few things in common, huh” he was alluding to you both making fun of him, but you and Tess thought, well, you are right about that on many levels.

“so, tell me, what did you guys get up to? how´d the road treat you, hm?” an expectant look on his face as you and Tess briefly locked eyes, “you go” she said, keeping herself busy with her drink as you tried to find a way to talk about what had happened, starting simple with things you´d seen on your drive, what you´d had to eat and drink, little funny moments that you knew would amuse him, people you´d observed at all the stops you´d made, and his face immediately lit up as he heard you talking with enthusiasm, a kind he hardly heard whenever you called from college, a sense of pride over the fact that his idea to get you two together had been a good one.

Tess was lucky that he was busy paying attention to you, because as she listened to you talk from across the counter, the look on her face was not the look of an acquaintance or a friend, it was the distinct look of a lover watching their beloved, the kind that stops people in their tracks on the street with the need to witness proof of just how deeply humans can be impacted by each other, how bright our eyes can shine when we are facing what we love, whom we love.

once it was her turn to talk, it was your turn to be the lovestruck fool, admiring her as she stood there, the memory of her hands on you giving you a warm feeling all over, and all you could think was:

thank god I didn´t say no to going on that trip her. thank god I listened when my heart told me to do the “wrong” thing. thank god we still have the majority of our time together ahead of us, even though it feels like we already spent a lifetime together.

[supernovaa-remnant]

Sixteenth Day Event Prompt:

Tommy has a dream about his past life

A short little season 2 c!primeboys-centric fic for this prompt:

“What’s up?” Dream asks, closing and latching the gate to their new chicken pen. “You look like you have something on your mind.” 

“I’ve been having weird dreams lately,” Tommy says. “A couple nights ago, I dreamt that Tubbo had nukes! Crazy, innit?” 

Dream laughs softly, and the sound is a bit airy with a hint of a wheeze, as though there’s something wrong with his lungs. Not that Tommy would be surprised if Dream had lung issues, but he’s never thought to ask. Maybe Dream just has a weird laugh. That wouldn’t be surprising, either—he’s a weird dude. Dream likes to say that Tommy’s equally as weird, but Tommy would like to refute that and say that he’s perfectly normal, thank you very much. 

“Tubbo with nukes sounds terrifying,” Dream says.

He throws a handful of wheat seeds into the pen and watches as their newly acquired chickens flock to them. 

Tommy thinks cows are cooler, personally, but they haven’t got the materials to rebuild their cow pen after Sapnap—the blaze hybrid they met a couple weeks ago—burnt it down accidentally. If you ask Tommy, he thinks it was less of an accident than Sapnap claims, but Dream just tells him he’s paranoid every time he calls Sapnap a wrong’un. Which, if Tommy might add, is very hypocritical considering Dream is the definition of paranoid. And skittish. Dream is very skittish; every time they talk to someone else, Dream looks like he’s ready to bolt if they so much as look at him wrong. 

Tommy’s the only exception to that, which is something he takes a lot of pride in. Well, technically, Dream’s just as comfortable with the snakes that follow him around, but Tommy’s fine with that. He’s the only person who Dream’s fully comfortable around, and it’s nice, makes him feel special. 

“You were in my dream last night,” Tommy finally says. He pauses and then scoffs. “Dreaming of Dream. Kinda sounds like a shitty pun.” 

Dream turns around to look at him, rolling his eyes playfully. “I’m not changing my name, Tommy,” he says. It’s something Tommy’s brought up many times before, mostly jokingly. 

“You sure? Maybe you should. It’s making this conversation too complicated.” 

Dream laughs again, shaking his head. It’s nice—sometimes, Tommy gets in his head about being too annoying, but Dream takes it all in stride. It does make Tommy feel a bit bad sometimes when he teases Dream a bit too far, since the poor bloke just takes it without retaliation, but Dream’s ability to go along with him is nice nonetheless. 

“So, I was in your dream last night,” Dream says. “What was it about?” 

Tommy swallows the lump in his throat. It wasn’t really a nice dream, though not quite a nightmare, either. Maybe if it had been a nightmare, it’d be easier to talk about. The two of them have enough nightmares that it’s become pretty normal to even just talk about the emotions the nightmares left. 

Tommy’s dream last night wasn’t a nightmare; it had just settled heavily in his mind this morning, that’s all. 

“You were sad because we weren’t friends,” Tommy says, trying to phrase it in the most lighthearted way possible. “Throwing a proper tantrum over it and everything.” 

Maybe that’s not entirely true. All Tommy really got from the dream was this downright awful sense of hopelessness, which was really clashing with the look of fragile hope on Dream’s face. It made him feel guilty, and a bit regretful. Not a fun time.

“Aw, Tommy,” Dream smiles, “that’s a cute dream.” 

“Is it?” Tommy frowns. “But it was all sad and shit.” 

“I just think it shows that you value our friendship. It’s sweet,” Dream says. “And, for the record, I would be sad if we weren’t friends.” 

“Course you would be. I’m awesome,” Tommy says, but he mumbles it. It’s really hard to get into a teasing mood when Dream is just so genuine all the time. 

“Well, what about you?” Dream asks. “Were you sad we weren’t friends in the dream?” 

In the dream, it had felt like the entire fucking world was ending, but all Tommy could think about in the morning was the regret of not befriending Dream. Considering he can still feel the weight in his chest now, he’d say he was pretty upset about it in the dream. 

“Eh,” Tommy says instead, shrugging. “I guess I was a bit bummed.” 

Dream snorts. “Okay, Tommy. Whatever you say.” 

Tommy huffs and crosses his arms. Whatever. He is friends with Dream, so the dream he had last night doesn’t really matter, and there’s no use dwelling on it. Like most of the dreams he has, it will probably just fade to the back of his mind eventually, even if it had stubbornly lingered all the way to this afternoon. He’ll forget about it soon enough, anyway. 

Besides, Tommy has more important things to think about, like what wood they should use when they make a new cow pen, and whether or not it'd be a bad idea to accept Tubbo's dinner invitation considering Dream's whole thing with other people.

"Tommy?" Dream calls. "You know, if the dream upset you, you can always talk about it more."

There Dream goes again, being so genuine. It's almost sickening. It's mostly really comforting, though, and soft like the sweater Dream had knit for him.

Tommy shrugs. "I'm fine," he says. "It was just a dream, anyway."

[uncleasad]

top ten favorite hosie fics of all time, go

What a fun Ask! 🙏 Also, are you trying to kill me?! 😂

A few weeks ago, TheDarkestHour13 introduced the concept of Hope and Rafael keeping a list of “Landon’s Top 10 deaths” in Such Is Our Fate. I commented that that particular chapter (for reasons other than the deaths list) was a Top 10 chapter of the fic, though I also noted I didn’t have an actual list of my Top 10 chapters—there were approximately 120 chapters at that point. I also thought, in a related manner, that I didn’t have a “Top 10” list of Hosie fics…and perhaps that should have been my cue to start thinking about such a thing 😂

As of late June 2024 CE, there are nearly 2600 fics in the AO3 Hosie tag and I’ve been reading since the latter part of 2019…so I’ve probably read ½ to ⅔ of them…

I came up with 7 fics right away, but as I started to make links and such, I realized that 5 of those were incomplete (ongoing, but mostly either rarely updated or, practically speaking, abandoned); I don’t know what it says about me that my “top ten favorite hosie fics of all time” is full of fics that may never be finished.

But in terms of recommendations for reading, I know lots of folks will not want to start reading a work that hasn’t been updated in years and has a high likelihood of never being finished, no matter how amazing it is (or how much someone else liked it). And even for ones that are currently ongoing, it’s possible (though unlikely) that the author could do something crazy to make me hate the fic later on. So I thought I’d spin off all those works that were incomplete into a separate list and come up with 10 favorite finished fics…I could mamage that, right? As I started trying to do that…nope, that’s not done, either; that’s been abandoned 😳 oh, what about that fic? wow, how did I forget that one?! (Like I said, are you trying to kill me?! 😂)

So…to save my life (and to stop spending hours upon hours on this), the end result is about 30 fics all-told, completed and incomplete. (I further subdivided the incomplete fics into those that are updated at least once every few months and those that…aren’t 😢) They’re ordered roughly by time, with the earlier/older fics towards the tops of the lists and the more recent ones (mostly) towards the ends of the lists. Two of the fics on the “Completed” list had promised an epilogue that has never appeared, but you can read the entire story arc, so I think it’s fair to label them as complete.

So without further ado…

Completed:

it's a date (the only problem is it's fake) by avengerskye / @avengerskye

Coffee on Monday, Flowers on Friday by Redezzy

The Missing Piece by intribridsname 

slept next to her but I dreamt of you all summer long by hackingxbiochemist

what you got (cause I want it all) by ToriWritesStories / @toriwritesstories

summer lovin' had me a blast (wait, no, that's just the leaf-blower) by AdeleDazeem

Our Last Life by taengoo1 / @taengooxlove

I'll Never Give Up Hope by O_M_Jee

HM+JS by tellingtouch

Invisible String by luthorbae

Then why's it feel so good? by callipoicepole (Killing Eve AU)

This Is Your Home by Shadowmama55 / @shadowhuntermama

Shivers (A Lifetime of crimes, but the worst was loving you.) by ch8rlie

The Stages of Grief by endgamesonly

'tis the damn season. by wandererghost (complete, though promised epilogue still outstanding)

Lizzie Saltzman, Matchmaker by TheNutcase (complete, though promised epilogue still outstanding)

In-Progress – still updating regularly or at least every few months:

Such Is Our Fate by TheDarkestHour13 / @persevereforahappyending (updated every Friday)

The Power Field by Joho_meh

4 Years, 6 Months, 8 Days by Limon_Skittles

To Know My Heart The Best (You’d Have To Cut It Out My Chest) by mambaregz

Incomplete – rarely updated, on hiatus, or orphaned:

Dive bar on the east side by Bluejay720 (7 chapters to go)

summer rush by sabrinasfadingmoon / @sabrinasfadingmoon (incomplete)

im not gonna let you go so easily by allweseeislight (1 chapter to go 🤞)

'tis the damn season by blckmaqic, LizMikaelson (1 chapter to go 🤞)

Redemption by MysticSlurp (Red Dead Redemption AU, incomplete)

Sad Bedroom Eyes by EvilPenguinRika / @evilpenguinrika (on hiatus)

Hell Hath No Fury by ElegiesEulogizeMe (Ringer AU, 6 chapters to go)

the stages of waking by dandelionlighters / @dandelionlighters (incomplete)

let’s watch it all burn down together by iris_on_the_moon (zombie apocalypse; orphaned)

A number of the authors are no longer active in writing Hosie fics (not surprising in 2024, considering), but many of them (including the authors of the incomplete works I like) have substantial catalogs, so if you read and enjoy one of these, be sure check that author’s list of other works (and of course leave kudos and comments! 🙏)

—

If anyone would like to see other fics I’ve enjoyed, there’s the fic recommendation tag here on my tumblr that captures a few from the last couple of years, and I also have a few AO3 collections of specific themes/subjects:

Hosie Zombie Apocalypse (HosieZombieApocalypse)

Hosie Summertime Vibes (SummeryHosie)

Hosie Season 2 “What If?” (Hosie_Season_2_What_If)

(I really need to start one for post-S4 fics, because there are a lot of great ones and I’m starting to forget them already.)

Sorry I couldn’t get it down to 10, @tribridsireline 😂 But I hope everyone reading finds something new and exciting to read!

[thinkingboute]

masks pt. 2 | harry styles x model!oc

summary: Lina has spent time away from the hell of the modeling world---recouping in Brazil with her new puppy and meditating on what life she really wants for herself. She makes her modeling return, a few months after her run in with Harry Styles, at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Eager to let the past be the past, she embraces a new start. Until, that is, One Direction is set to perform on the runway.

part 1 here!

warnings: mentions of drugs, disordered eating, vomit, anxiety, (eventually sexual content but be patient friends)

a/n: A quick part 2 before I can really dive into the story I have planned for these two. I'm having a lot of fun developing Lina as a person and her independent voice. I know people prefer x reader fics so I appreciate those of you who have shown love to the first part! I hope you enjoy this one!!

word count: about 1.1k

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

The best and worse time of a model’s year. 

Lina had been in the gym for at least three hours each day for the last two weeks. Each meal she had was carefully crafted to cause the least bloating, give her the most protein, and not add one pound to the scale. The danger of this was not lost on her, but what choice did she have? She was glad to have escaped this almost alternate universe models lived in for a few weeks before the prep for the show began. 

After the disastrous Vanity Fair ball in October, Lina woke up in her hotel room, unsure of how she got there, with no phone or dignity. She had been drowning in shoots and shows and YouTube interviews and more shoots and another shoot and another show and another and another and another for so long. She could hardly recognize her life, now grey and dull. 

Rolling over in the plush bed, she recalled bits and pieces of her humiliating meeting with Harry Styles. She groaned, shifting back onto her back and smothering herself with a pillow. A knock at the door alerted her of Darren’s entry into her suite, followed by 30 minutes of scolding, as though she were a child. She endured it, mostly because she deserved it, and apologized profusely, offering to grab him a scone from the upscale bakery down the block as a truce. He agreed, of course, as Darren was not one to turn down baked goods.

As they walked the busy streets of Manhattan, Lina snuggled into a large fur lined coat, bloodshot eyes obscured by massive sunglasses (Which blocked no sun. It was October in New York), and Darren, dressed in all black as per usual, Lina caught glimpses of Darren’s concerned eyes flitting back and forth between her face and the street in front of him. It felt good to know someone cared about her. As much as she tried to hide it for many long months before, she could not ignore it now: she was spiraling.

“I know I look fantastic, Darren,” Lina drawled, sarcasm dripping from her voice, “but, it would be nice if you stopped just looking at me and said what you want to say.”

Darren shot her a look that had less concern and more disdain. “You know I have children, right Lina?”

She snorted. “I’d be a little concerned if I didn’t, mister. I’ve only met them, what, is it six times now?”

Darren didn’t bother addressing her chide. “When they first went off to college, I called them every day. They were 15 minutes away,” he laughed, and Lina did, too. “I was so worried about them getting hurt, or making terrible decision, and they were only a car ride away.”

“You’re a good father, Darren.”

“Nobody calls you, Lina. If they did, they would see what I’ve seen for too long now.”

“And what’s that?”

“You’re falling apart.”

They walked in silence the rest of the way to and from the bakery. The next day, Lina called her management, canceled her upcoming shoots, and flew to Brazil.

Now, as December crept into the dark streets of London, Lina longed for the warmth of the sun and sand again. Professional opinion of her had dropped after cancelling her shoots on such short notice a few months ago, but how her opinion of herself had soared. She was by no means Zen, as Darren liked to call her, but warmth returned to her cheeks, smiles came more easily to her lips, and, most importantly, she got a dog.  She was ready to return to the industry and, hopefully, be able to focus on what actually mattered to her so long ago: fashion.

And, what a way to start up again: The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. She was excited to see Gigi again after so long, and to finally have fun on the runway again. There was just one problem, though.

One Direction was performing. 

How could she escape that dark part of herself when she had to strut the person who saw her at her very lowest? Had he told any of his bandmates about that night? Would he say anything about it in front of anyone? He seemed a bit cocky that night, albeit concerned about her well-being. Maybe he would use the bit of dirt he had on her to embarrass her tonight because she’d run out on him.

Lina shook her head, causing the makeup artist working on her eyeshadow to tut at her. The silk of her robe was cool against her skin as she took a deep breath, shoulders rising up to her ears before slowly lowering back down, and apologized to the woman behind her closed lids. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” a low voice drawled. The English accent added a certain musicality to the simple sentence.

Lina winced, earning a light slap to the should from the woman. “I told you before. I’m not typically puking in men’s bathrooms.”

He huffed a laugh. “You look good.”

Lina’s eyes rolled behind her eyelids. “That’s my job,” she said.

Another laugh. “No, I meant, like, good. A bit less like a corpse.”

She clutched at her chest dramatically. “How rude.” It seemed that all Harry Styles did was laugh. “How’d you get back here, anyway?”

“Funnily enough, I was looking for the bathroom.”

“I’m not even sure there is a men’s bathroom here.”

It sounded like he took a sip from a water bottle. “If there was, I’m sure you’d’ve found it.”

Lina snorted. “Maybe you should go look for it. I’m a bit busy at the moment.”

A few light taps to her should signaled for her to open her eyes. Harry leaned against the table in front of her, plastic water bottle in hand, hair mussed as though he’d run his hand through it a few too many times. “Meet me there, yeah?” he joked, pressing himself away from the table. Lina went to respond, but he turned to walk away before she could open her mouth. She supposed that was karma for how she’d left their last conversation. 

She didn’t have much time to think about it, though. Three new women crowded her chair, hands like a whirlwind around her, taking out rollers, dusting some shimmery powder along her collar bones, taking candids for Instagram. 

Lina closed her lips around the straw of her Diet Coke (the only Coke she partook in, thank you very much) and closed her eyes, a low laugh and soft green eyes bouncing around her head.

a/n: I swear things will pick up soon!!!

[noturlondonboy]

Hi, hello I’m really sorry for all the hate you’re getting for autistic! Yelena, she’s so near and dear to my heart especially cus she reminds me so much of me.

Thank you so much for responding to my last two asks on autistic! Yelena with a literal wall of text, it makes me happy every time.

I would love it if you wrote more, specifically to spite the haters but also because I’m a self indulgent little shit.

Don’t let the hate get to you <3

Ps: since you asked for a silly little way to recognize me, we’re actually mutuals on this site but I’m terrified of social interaction and being judged so if it’s cool I’d just go by: R :)

I love your writing

-R :)

Hi anon!! Welcome back <3 thank you so much for the love, this girl means so much to me and I’m glad she’s important to others, too. Life has been stressing me tf OUT recently and popping into my inbox to find new asks about Autistic!Yelena and Genderqueer!Kate really helps me feel better for a small time.

Responding with a wall of text is one of my favorite things! And yknow what, here’s some more :)

-I’ve been thinking about just a soft day with Autistic!Yelena recently

-there’s no plans, there’s no stress, no pressure, no expectations

-she sleeps in until like 10, which is insane for her. Kate wakes up before her even, even more unheard of- she’s quiet and soft when she gets out of bed, just kissing Yelena’s nose and then going to the kitchen to make breakfast

-their missions have been more and more demanding recently, and Yelena’s been masking harder than usual in order to cope with it. Buuuut, one problem… the harder the mask, the harder the crash

-so yeah. She crashes.

-she’s kinda just all fuzzy brained the whole day, and for the first couple hours of being awake, speaking is an absolute no. Kate has been helping her learn ASL, and she prefers to communicate that way when she goes nonverbal, so their conversation over breakfast is the occasional sleepy hand motion

-miss girl needs to sleep a lot, but she’s horrible at naps. When her brain is taking a day to recalibrate, that’s when Kate does her best to get her to rest during the regular day time hours. Usually it takes a hot shower (she hates hot baths and actually prefers ice ones) and some cuddles under a weighted blanket and maybe some doggy pillows and a snack to get her sleepy and calm enough

-I wouldn’t say that Yelena experiences any age regression per se, but she definitely prefers simpler foods that remind her of being a kid again when she’s feeling fuzzy. Macaroni and cheese is already a given, but we’re busting out the dinosaur chicken nuggets and chocolate milk too (also Kate just already has these things stocked up for herself because she’s just like me)

-clothing is important and needs to be paid attention to. In a good headspace, Yelena can usually throw on whatever, because she’s already curated her wardrobe to always be comfortable. No tags, to bumpy seams, certain textures completely removed, etc. That being said, sometimes her skin feels like it’s literally on fire, and honestly it would feel better to go completely naked if she couldn’t feel the ac and the sun on her skin. Kate helps her pick out something really simple and loose, and Yelena steals a pair of her boxers, because she absolutely adores how soft they are, even if they’re a little tight on her hips and stomach

-normally she prefers to have her nails painted, but when she’s feeling particularly fuzzy and sensitive, nail polish more often ends up scratched off. Kate finds some cheap nail polish that comes off easily in a color that Yelena only mostly likes so that she won’t feel bad about removing it 30 minutes after it finishes drying. Sometimes she spends a few hours just applying and reapplying it after it flakes away because it gives her brain something to focus on, and is minorly destructive in a fun way that doesn’t hurt anything (Kate always makes sure they have a spa day later that week if they can so that Yelena has a chance to fix her nails back up how she likes them)

-this girl is secretly the BIGGEST fucking cuddler istg. Oh ho ho, you thought Kate was clingy? Wait till Yelena is grumpy and tired and then bam, tiny blonde Russian koala baby

-she’s my everything :,))

[originalfatfiction]

All the World's a Stage

I was your typical drama-geek, though a lot more subdued—hopefully. I prayed I wasn’t as obnoxious as those kids on TV shows about high school students. I wasn’t constantly giving long monologues about the idiocy of mainstream culture or strumming a guitar singing covers of Bruno Mars songs. I just highly valued theater as an art form. Man, that seemed kind of pretentious, but it was true! As lame as it may have sounded, theater was honestly my life. I had been in every production since freshman year—the fall plays, winter dramas, and spring musicals. 

Sure, I was a good student, but that wasn’t fun. And it wasn’t like I was athletic or exceedingly popular. My passion was performing on stage, no doubt about it, and it was a surprise even to myself. I didn’t talk much, and I dreaded holding conversation with people. When I was in the fall play freshman year, it was the first time many of my peers heard my voice. I will say as I’ve matured, I’ve become more willing to speak up for myself, but four years ago you couldn’t pay me to answer a question in class, even if I was a hundred percent sure of the answer. 

I worked hard as a member of the Jackson High Thespian Troupe. I was incredibly dedicated to all of our productions, and I had even gotten the lead role in two separate shows. I was hoping to get the lead in the fall play this year, which would be Of Mice and Men. It was the story of the big, lovable oaf Lennie and his cynical pal George during the Great Depression. 

The Troupe had absolutely no clue who our Lennie Small would be. Nobody in our productions stood any taller than six feet, which was nowhere near as imposing as we needed our Lennie to be. 

I was short, only about 5’6” and slim. Most of the drama crew was pretty small in terms of stature and weight. Everyone was really body conscious in the drama club. Most people didn’t outwardly speak badly of our larger members, but there was always an underlying negativity. 

I was black, mostly. My dad was half-white, but for all intents and purposes, I was black. I thankfully had some natural muscularity, so I wasn’t all skin and bones. As I’ve said, I wasn’t much of an athlete. I couldn’t do anything involving balls, bats, or racquets. Running and swimming I was okay at, but other than that I was hopeless. My dad had been crushed by the fact that I couldn’t even get a hit playing T-Ball. I’d close my eyes every time I swung the bat. I was a regular Hank Aaron (I knew he was good, but I couldn’t for the life of me tell you when he played or what team he was on. My dad loved the guy, claiming he was one of the greats). Thankfully, my younger brothers were already showing signs of being potential MLB all-stars. I’d just have to accept that I would never meet my father’s expectations. 

We were in the second week of September (we had been in school for about three weeks) and the weather was still fairly hot. I loved warm weather and the sun and the beach. I was still rocking my summer skin tone, so I had a golden-brown complexion. I’d get lighter as we went into the colder months, but for now I had a beautiful healthy glow. I hated winter. I was my worst self in layers and layers of clothing. 

We’d had auditions last Thursday and after the roles were cast, the production would move next-level fast. It happened with every production; there was never as much time to prepare as we thought there’d be. I had auditioned for George. I went to the school’s bulletin board right outside of the main office that Monday to see if I had been cast. I was so nervous. The Troupe had become my whole life. 

George—Kyle Donnelly 

Candy—Hallie James 

Curley—Jimmy Ignacio 

Curley’s Wife—Jane Kingston 

Slim—Raul Mota 

Crooks—Richard Smith 

Carlson—John Waterson 

The Boss—Ken Ortega 

Whit—Holden Sanders 

Lennie and Candy’s Dog—TBD 

I couldn’t believe it. I’d been cast as Whit. How in the hell was I cast as Whit? I mean, come on! He had fewer lines than Candy’s dog. I almost cried right there, and then I felt really silly about crying publicly over a high school adaptation of a John Steinbeck novel. I held back my urge to sob and made my way to the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and let a few tears escape my eyes. Sure, it was silly, but it still meant a lot to me. This would be my last fall play ever. I was eighteen years old and graduating from high school in less than nine months. I had to make the most of every day I had left. I balled my hands into fists and closed my eyes. But wait! The worst part wasn’t even the fact I was cast in a role that could be performed by a mannequin—no, the worst fucking part would have to be that the lead went to Kyle Donnelly, who was a terrible actor and a total ass. His vibes were way harsh. I knew I didn’t like him, and he’d pissed off numerous members of the Troupe, but he was still an integral member (his parents donated a lot of time and money to the drama club).  

I had to calm down. This was no time for a meltdown. There was still the winter drama and spring musical. 

I exited the stall and headed to class feeling worthless. I almost considered dropping out. I swear, if I didn’t get the lead in the musical, I’d blow my brains out. I had Spanish IV first period, followed by AP Calc and AP Bio. English IV was fourth period, with the head faculty director Mr. Murray. 

I didn’t want to see him. He and the student director, Eva Porter, were the ones responsible for casting me as Whit. I’d spent the first three periods of my day hearing about how crazy it was that Kyle would be the lead. It’d been brought up numerous times in shady remarks that Kyle and Eva dating probably played a major part in him getting the role of George. I wanted to believe Eva had integrity, so I ignored the gossip. 

Mr. Murray was one of the oldest teachers in the school. He was pushing seventy, and nobody understood why he hadn’t retired yet. Kids said it was because he never got married or had children and that he wouldn’t know what to do with all that time to himself. Sometimes I thought I might end up like him, and it freaked me out. He was totally a latent homosexual. He mentioned women sometimes, but in a half-hearted way that made it seem like he was covering up something. (“Oh, that Saoirse Ronan is a beauty. If I were her age, I might be willing to settle down.”) 

But at the end of the day, I was gay—and I was sure people knew it. Most of my closest friends in the Troupe knew. I didn’t try to act all manly and stuff to hide who I was; I wasn’t that type of guy. But still, even though I was doing my best to be true to myself, I still worried about what people thought of me. Did I speak too girlishly? Did I move my hands too much when I talked? Did it ruin my chances of playing some of the great roles in theater history? 

I sat at my desk as class started, totally disinterested in what Mr. Murray was talking about until he started a class discussion. This old queen was ruthless during class discussions, going out of his way to pick on the unprepared and the distracted. He wasn’t about to catch me slipping. 

“We’ve just discussed some of the context of the poem, which now gives us an opportunity to analyze it further,” Mr. Murray said, looking from face to face of each of my classmates, deciding who he’d engage with one-on-one. “Why does this poem relate to life even today?” he asked the class as a whole. A couple of kids shrank back into the seats of their desks, some stiffened up and stared straight ahead. Mr. Murray was scanning the room, like some sort of rogue robot from the future trying to determine which life form would be most beneficial to exterminate.  

I looked at Mr. Murray, who had his sights set on Gregory Williams. He was the worst English student ever. Hell, he was probably the worst student ever. Gregory nervously flipped through his notebook, which looked packed with information. Who had written that stuff down for him? It probably wasn’t even notes for this class. He was probably one of those students who used one notebook for all seven periods.

But still, I couldn’t stand to see such a big lug in distress. I had to intercept Mr. Murray’s attack. The poem was fairly simple to understand, and hopefully my analysis would appease his bloodlust. I raised my hand quickly, trying to help, but as Mr. Murray and I made eye contact, he smiled and said, “What do you think, Gregory?” 

Gregory sat up, no longer flipping through his notebook. He looked petrified. This happened every time he got called on. I felt bad for him, but then I remembered how easy he had things. He had straight C’s because he was gigantic. He was on the football, wrestling, and water polo teams. And I meant it when I said that he was huge. At 6’4” and at least 280 pounds, teachers wanted him to be able to play so our school would win. 

I didn’t have a problem with Gregory Williams—he was so my type—but the whole “he’s a jock, pass him” thing sort of pissed me off. I worked hard to do well in school and manage extracurricular activities, why shouldn’t he? 

“I—I didn’t get it,” he said finally. He was embarrassed. “It was stupid.” 

“It was not stupid, Mr. Williams.” Mr. Murray chastised, obviously dismayed at such a lackluster response. “It was an artistic exploration of an important theme in African-American culture, which I would love for you to tell us about. Try again, perhaps discuss some of the figurative language.” 

“I—I couldn’t find any,” Greg said, his face falling. I glanced at his desk; the printout of the poem was annotated extensively. All he had to do was look at his notes! Why was he so afraid?  

“We can wait,” Mr. Murray continued, pressing him further and further. “Take your time.”  

Time began to move in reverse, I swear. Greg looked at the poem, scanning each line with his thick pointer finger, reading it soundlessly, though his mouth was moving. I couldn’t stand this abuse of power. Some of the other students in the room snickered. I didn’t consider this teaching. This was capital punishment. “Hey Greg,” I said, not one to normally speak in class myself. “Do you remember what an extended metaphor is? Mr. Murray went over it in that PowerPoint last week.” 

Yes, Mr. Murray still used PowerPoint.

I couldn’t bring myself to look at Mr. Murray. I could tell he was upset by the exasperated sound he’d made when I spoke without permission. I just focused on Greg, in the row to the right of me, two seats up. I watched his wide back in his plain, black t-shirt. He shifted in his seat, turning to look at me. His eyes were so desperate, and it made me feel terrible. This was probably killing him. 

He held his notebook in his hands, shaking slightly. “It’s ‘wh—when a comparison between two unlike things continues throughout a series of lines in a poem.’” He’d read it with minimal trouble, then looked up at me. 

“Yeah,” I said. “This poem is basically one of those completely. What do you think is being compared?” He turned quickly, grabbing the printout. He turned back, looking at me again. Having his attention like this was strange. He’d hardly paid me any mind before. Him looking at me like that, with his scared brown eyes. I wanted to protect him at all costs. I wanted to make sure this never happened to him again.  

I was getting ahead of myself. 

“Maybe this crystal stair is being compared to life,” he started. “The mom is talking to her son, and she’s saying that life hasn’t been no crystal stair. So life is hard, I think. And Langston Hughes is using a bunch of stair words to talk about how hard life is, especially for black people.” 

“Yeah, what words make you think that life can be hard?” I asked, pretty sure I should have shut up two questions ago. 

“It says there are splinters and boards that are torn up and—and uh, no carpets.” I could sense he was feeling more confident now. He smiled at me gently before turning forward in his seat. He looked at Mr. Murray before speaking again. “And the mom in the poem knows life is hard, and she’s letting her son know, so he never gives up. That’s how it can relate to today. All parents know stuff their kids don’t, and they’re just trying to guide us through the hard times.” 

“Quite the analysis,” Mr. Murray said, turning to the front of the room and walking towards his desk. “I’d love for you to locate another piece of figurative language Mr. Ignacio—with no assists please.” He’d finished with his torment of Greg, and class went on this way for another twenty minutes before the bell rang. Mr. Murray made sure to have droned on and on all class period. He told Greg to wait behind. I grabbed my books and went off to gym class. I was afraid I’d gotten him in trouble. He’d probably be more upset now. And what was worse was that he’d probably be upset with me for opening my mouth when I should have just minded my own business. 

I rummaged through my bag. I couldn’t believe my luck. I had forgotten my gym shorts again. What a way to start the week. I was the last guy in the locker room, and Coach White would be so angry. He told me if I were too much of a pussy to participate in gym class, the least I could do to get a decent grade was change. He’d yell at me in front of all the other guys. It was going to be awful. 

One would think the school board would frown upon a teacher calling a student a pussy, but Coach White had tenure and multiple state championships in football and basketball. He made our school look good, so there was no way he was going anywhere for harassing the feminine kid who opted out of participating in shooting hoops or serving volleyballs. 

I couldn’t help that whenever someone tried to pass me a ball my first instinct was to cover my face. It wasn’t my fault that running and dribbling at the same time was a skill that had overlooked my entire bloodline (yeah, even my dad. That’s why he stuck to baseball). I felt awful that any activity we tried, I failed miserably at it. My track record was not pretty.  

Softball—I sucked.  

Badminton—I sucked.  

Basketball—I sucked.  

Volleyball—I sucked. 

Kickball—I sucked. 

Floor Hockey—I sucked. 

I turned, my back against the cold metal of the lockers, and sank to the floor. I sat there for a few moments as I considered my options. I could hear the Jeopardy! music in my head, getting faster and faster as my time to find a solution dwindled.  

I was screwed, that was all I had.  

I’d just have to take the zero for today’s class period. I hadn’t noticed Greg changing until I stood up. I was so gay sometimes that I felt like they should create a new word for the intense levels of homosexuality I was experiencing. 

He wasn’t some fitness model, but he was incredibly handsome. I liked bigger guys, and he was a big guy. He had a gut, but it was hot. I liked looking at it, and I wanted to touch it. I wanted to make it bigger. Oh God, I was such a freak.  

He peeled that black t-shirt he’d been wearing over his head, standing there in just his baggy blue jeans. His back was to me, and what a back it was. He looked as wide as at least two-and-a-half of me. His dark skin looked smooth, and he had some faded circular scars that ran across his shoulder blades. I noticed he had some stretch marks on his love handles, but they were just as faded as the scars on his back. He undid his belt buckle and leaned forward slightly so he could pull those jeans down. The main attraction had been unveiled. He had a large butt that jutted out far behind him and massive thighs. His jeans must’ve been huge in order to camouflage those assets. He wore a pair of spandex underwear that all the athletes loved. The fabric was only a little darker than his skin, so for a moment it felt as though he was standing there in front of me completely naked. 

He tossed his regular clothes into the locker after removing his gym clothes. He closed the locker and turned around, our eyes meeting. My first instinct was to sprint out of the locker room, out of the school. I could be out of the tri-state area by dinner. I must’ve been examining his body for a good forty seconds. I could’ve looked at him like this for at least another decade. Instead of running I looked away quickly, hoping he wouldn’t say anything. 

“You’re not changing?” he asked as he pulled on the gym shorts. My shorts looked kind of normal, but they were like something out of the seventies. The uniform had been like that for as long as I could remember. Maybe they’d ordered way too many skimpy shorts fifty years ago and we were stuck wearing outdated athletic gear. Greg looked great in the shorts though, so there were no complaints from me. They came about halfway up his thickset thighs and hugged his ass perfectly. 

“I forgot my shorts,” I said. He opened his locker again and tossed me a pair of his. 

“Wanna borrow a pair?” he asked. As conflicted as I was on Greg’s academic success, that didn’t negate the fact that he wasn’t a jerk. He was actually a really decent person. He didn’t mess with people like some of the other douchebag athletes.  

When we were working on our production of Little Shop of Horrors last spring, they buried a couple of members of our cast in soil. I was lucky to have avoided that punishment. Oh, and who could forget the time when during our production of Dracula a few of the meathead jocks pulled a Carrie and completely ruined the performance by dumping “pigs’ blood” on us during opening night. It was only melted strawberry ice cream with extra red food coloring in it, but the show still had to be cancelled. Some of those guys actually got suspended for that one, surprisingly. This was all on top of the day-to-day book checks (knocking books out of our hands, but lunch trays were a common variation) and being pushed up against lockers.  

“I know they’re gonna be a little big, but you just sit in the bleachers, right?” I fought the urge to bring his shorts up close to my face and give them a big sniff. He was still looking at me, and I was not about to be the weird gay guy going around sniffing other guys’ sweaty shorts. 

“Yeah,” I said. “Thank you.” 

“No problem,” He pulled on a tight white t-shirt that showed off his large, burly arms and broad shoulders. “Thanks for your help in class,” he said, tying the shoelaces of his Nikes. “We should probably get to know each other a little better. Since I’m gonna be Larry or whatever in the play.” 

“You’re going to be Lennie?” I asked. 

“Yeah, that’s what Mr. Murray said,” he replied, sighing. He adjusted the waistband of his shorts, pulling them down slightly. “I need the extra credit he’s offering to pass his class. No football for me this year.” He left the locker room and went into the gym. 

I was too nervous to bury my face in his shorts, not wanting to be caught, so I just got changed quickly and hurried into the gym. I sat in the bleachers and watched as the more athletically inclined ran back and forth playing basketball. Damn Greg was fast for such a big guy. He was aggressive too. It was kind of scary how intense he was—but then it was hot.  

It was like a freaking mythical beast was going up for a rebound. He bumped kids around. He moved so heavily, like he was really solid and sturdy. His thighs looked ridiculously beefy, and the shorts rode up as he ran. They’d ridden up his ass, separating each cheek, highlighting the meatiness of his backside. I was glad his shorts were like a hundred times too big, because they were helping me cover up a pretty gigantic erection. The uniforms were definitely the one thing I liked about gym class.  

All of these interactions with Greg today had me feeling aroused, but on top of that they had me developing a major crush. I hated it. Nothing good could ever come from liking a straight boy, especially one that could break my face with the flick of his finger. 

I changed quickly, shoving the shorts into my bookbag. I’d wash them and return them to Greg tomorrow. At lunch, everyone was talking about Greg being in the play, and it wasn’t all good. Kyle was furious. He said he didn’t want to be in a production with such a “big, fat idiot.” I thought Kyle was a bitch, so it shouldn’t have mattered. 

We went to the school’s auditorium after classes ended to run the lines and sure enough Greg showed up, although about ten minutes late. A little after that Coach White flew into the auditorium in a rage and he and Mr. Murray got into a huge argument. They walked away from us students and continued bickering. 

Coach White was towering over little Mr. Murray, but he backed off when Mr. Murray started telling him off. They both moved animatedly, pointing and gesturing. They were just outside of the far doors, so we couldn’t actually hear what they were saying. We watched as Mr. Murray walked the length of the auditorium to where we all sat in a circle on the stage. 

“Gregory,” he said, his voice feigning calmness. “Coach White and I have worked out a schedule for you, okay?” Greg nodded. “On Mondays and Wednesdays, you can go to football practice, and when you have games on Fridays you don’t need to be here. However, during tech week and all performance days you must be in attendance, understood?” 

“Yes Coach,” he said, nervously tugging at the hem of his t-shirt. Kyle scoffed loudly and rolled his eyes. “I mean, sir—Mr. Murray.” 

“We’ll see you tomorrow,” Mr. Murray said, joining us on the stage. Gregory stood, towering over all of us as we continued to sit, and gave a slight wave goodbye before making his way down the stairs. 

“See you tomorrow!” I called, not entirely sure why I had opened my mouth. Everyone looked at me like I was deranged, but Greg turned and smiled at me. 

“Yeah,” he called, his voice deep. “Catch you later, Holden.” 

That night, I thought about Greg saying my name over and over. He said that he’d catch me later. He knew I existed, and maybe I could exist to him as more than the weird guy who was in his English class.

I was ashamed to admit it, but I smelled his shorts. I had to force myself to stop smelling them and to put them in the washing machine. They smelled so good, like sweat and laundry detergent and some sort of cologne. While they were in the washing machine, I walked to the gas station and bought a candy bar—a Twix, to be more specific. The king of chocolate candies if I were to be honest. They were my favorite. 

I made my way back home and grabbed a piece of white copy paper from the printer in the home office. I sat at the desk in my room, thinking. I had to be friendly, but not too friendly. I didn’t want him to think I was weird. I was just polite, raised properly. 

I wrote a simple message. It read: 

Hey Greg, 

Thank you for lending me a pair of your shorts. I washed them, and as a token of my appreciation, enjoy this candy bar.  

I signed it with just my first name, Holden. 

Before I went to bed, I made sure to put my gym uniform, his shorts, the letter, and the candy bar in my bag. I didn’t want to forget anything tomorrow. I felt off that night, kind of nervous. I was starting to feel like it was a bad idea to do something so formal for being lent a pair of shorts for fifty minutes. A normal guy would’ve just tossed them back to him, nodded their head, and kept it moving. He probably didn’t even remember lending them to me. It wasn’t a big deal to him, so it shouldn’t be a big deal to me. 

I still brought everything along with me, but I was conflicted about following through with the plan. I couldn’t do it in the locker room with all the other guys around. It’d be stupid to return them after gym class. Before I knew it, we were in English class, and I was walking to his desk. We had about a minute before the bell, and it was now or never. I stood next to him, and he looked at me. “What’s up, Holden?” he greeted me. 

“Hi, uh, thanks,” I replied, so inarticulately that he’d probably think I was abandoned in the woods as a child and learned to speak from the animals of the forest that raised me. I was Jackson High’s very own Nell. I placed the stack (shorts on bottom, letter in the middle, Twix on top) on his desk and returned to my own. He didn’t touch it but looked back at me as I returned to my seat. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, and he smiled awkwardly, as if to say, What a fucking weirdo. 

He turned back to the stack and opened the letter. He read it, turned back to me, and gave me a thumbs up. I sighed with relief, signaling a thumbs up in return. 

He ate the Twix during class. 

The first rehearsal with Greg that afternoon went okay, but in the long run the scheduling situation proved to be much more difficult for everyone than anticipated. Greg needed more time with the whole cast to better practice his lines, so those two to three days we lost every week were definitely determinantal to our progress.  

It had been two weeks of line practice, and it was a Tuesday. 

“Gregory, it’s your line now,” Mr. Murray said, not looking up from his script. Kyle sighed and mumbled something about Greg being an idiot. Greg frowned and said he didn’t remember it. Mr. Murray tried to get us off script as soon as possible, but Greg was new to this world. It was incredibly hard to remember all our lines, even if we spent hours every night practicing. I bet he had a lot going on outside of this production that he was forced into. I wanted to say he should be able to use his script, but I didn’t want to appear meddlesome. Kyle groaned impolitely and said he needed a break. “Okay everyone, take ten.” 

I remember on the second day, parents started bringing food. It was like this every year. Early on in the productions it was small stuff, like juice boxes and potato chips, but as things got more serious there’d be pizzas and sandwiches. I thought it was adorable how excited Greg was. 

“You guys get food?” he asked me. I told him nobody ate much, so it usually got tossed out or given away to different sports teams. After that he took to eating all practice. It seemed to calm him, so I was glad there was something helping him. 

When I was cheated out of a role, I took on extra responsibilities. Usually that meant that I was in charge of wardrobe. I was to take measurements and get clothes from thrift stores and costume shops using a portion of the money allotted to the drama club. 

So today I was doing my second job and it was Greg’s turn and we went into the gigantic prop closet, and I started measuring him. He was wearing his freaking football sweats and they were grabbing onto his thighs and butt, and I was getting a major erection. 

“You can do everything,” he said, and it didn’t come across as sarcastic in a way that some others would say it. “A poet, an actor, and a tailor.” 

I laughed, flattered that he thought I was capable of tailoring clothing. “I’m no tailor,” I said from behind him. I knelt down to measure the size of his thighs, my eyes level with his ass. I looked longingly at his underwear, the sweats sagging down slightly from the weight of his cellphone and wallet in his pockets. “I only send the measurements to a costume shop or try to find pieces at the thrift store.” He was wearing these blue spandex boxer briefs and it was killing me. He was actually an inch taller than I thought, standing at 6’5”. 

I measured around his stomach next, followed by his waist. I placed a little stool in front of him and stood on it. It made me nearly as tall as he was. I had to measure his neck, and I swung the tape measurer over his head. “It’s nice to see you at eye level,” he said, laughing. “Short Stuff.” 

I tried my hardest to focus on the task at hand, bringing the tape measurer taught around his thick neck. He was so handsome. His skin was darker than mine. If I was the dough of a cookie, he was a chocolate chip. He had large lips and white teeth that were kind of large. I noticed he rarely smiled showing them all, but he’d recently been smiling at me in the hallways or at the end of rehearsals. It gave me butterflies thinking about how seeing me could elicit a smile from him. He had short hair and deep waves. I could see him brushing his hair and putting his durag on before bed every night. His nose was cute, kind of wide, but not so big that it took over his face. 

“I’m Short Stuff?” I asked. 

“Yeah,” he said. I removed the tape measurer, stepping down off of my stool. He crouched down, spreading his legs and bending his knees. “How’s the weather down here?”  

“Very funny, Gregory.” 

“Ooo, using the whole name,” he said, standing up straight. “I’m in trouble. Why not throw in the ‘Deshawn Williams’ for the full effect?” 

“I’ll remember that for the next time.” 

“I wouldn’t want that,” he said. “I never wanna make you mad at me. I like you too much.” He smiled, and then I smiled. It was nice but filled with so much one-sided lust that it was almost sad. Kyle entered the prop closest, attitude set to eleven. 

“How long does it take to measure one person Holden?” He took in Greg and stifled a laugh. “Oh, never mind. I imagine it can take quite a while, actually.” Greg tugged at the hem of his shirt, his face falling.  

“I’ll talk to you later, Short Stuff,” he said. “Thanks for the measurements.” He went back over to the parent-supplied snack table. I saw him grab a Ho Ho and open it embarrassedly, shoving it into his mouth. 

He could have picked Kyle up and snapped him in half, Bane-style. I wouldn’t have said anything, and when authorities asked what happened, I’d say, with tears in my eyes, “He slipped, Officer. What a freak accident, truly.” 

“This is going to be a disaster,” Kyle said. I had the measuring tape around his neck now, trying to get through these measurements as quickly as possible. “I wouldn’t have wanted the lead if I knew I’d be working with such an absolute idiot.” I considered choking him. 

I was moving as fast as I could, but he continued to bad mouth Greg. It was really upsetting me. I didn’t know if it was because Greg wasn’t around to defend himself, or because I had such a major crush on him, but Kyle was pushing me to my limit. He had totally killed any signs of an erection, which I guess was good because I wouldn’t want people knowing I was some pervert getting erections while taking measurements. 

“Eva is devastated. Her first time as student director and this is what she has to deal with.” 

“Kyle, you aren’t as talented as you think you are, so you need to shut the fuck up.” He laughed casually and walked towards the door. I wasn’t even finished taking his measurements. He always had to do the most. 

“Who got the lead?” he asked rhetorically. He left the room, walking towards where Eva and Mr. Murray were helping the stage designers with a backdrop. I felt my face go hot and sat down. This was not how I imagined this year to be. I knew it would never be perfect; I didn’t set unrealistic expectations, not wanting to be let down, but I never thought things could suck this much. I had my eighteenth birthday a week before the school year started and I had spent a portion of my summer in theater camp in New York City. This was supposed to be my year. 

“‘Who got the lead?’” I mimicked in my best Kyle-voice. I pulled the tape measurer as taut as I could, struggling for a moment before giving up the effort. My mom would say not to let someone like Kyle get under my skin, and she’d be entirely correct, but I wasn’t as patient as my mother. I wanted to take action and kick him in the throat. 

We started rehearsing lines again after I finished measuring the last cast member. Obviously, I was sick and tired of Kyle, who continued to harass Greg. I knew this was going to sound totally lame and cliché, but the Troupe was like a family, so when he bad-mouthed Greg, it was like he was harassing his own family. 

“Uh, George—I did—didn’t me—mean nothing by it, honest.” 

“Oh my God!” Kyle howled. “Learn your fucking lines and stop stuttering.” I noticed Greg close his eyes—his head bowed, his fists clenched. Would this be the moment I’d been waiting for my entire life? Would one blow from the mighty Gregory Deshawn Williams finally be what vanquished the foul Kyle ‘Bitch Boy’ Donnelly? To add insult to injury, Kyle kept going. With enough weight I thought I could see the words travel across the circle, Kyle said, “All you’re good at is eating. Do you even know how to read? You fat fuck.” 

This felt more intense than ever. I could feel Greg’s energy from across the circle. He stood up, and everyone’s eyes followed him. He didn’t walk towards Kyle. He left the stage and then exited the auditorium. Kyle was too bad of an actor to be such a goddamn diva. 

Mr. Murray was saying something to Kyle that likely wouldn’t stop his bullying. Everyone else on stage began to murmur amongst themselves. Wasn’t anyone going to see if Greg was okay? Mr. Murray and Eva were in charge of this production, so they should have been doing everything to make sure every actor was being treated fairly. Nobody was moving. Didn’t anyone care if he was okay? I couldn’t take it. I’d check on him and try to get him to come back. I jogged out to the parking lot, looking for Greg. He wasn’t very hard to find.  

I saw him over by his truck and went up to him. It was an old Ford F-150. It was green, and it really suited Greg. “Hey, Greg,” I started, tapping him on the shoulder. 

“Leave me alone,” he barked. 

I hated to see him like this. He never did anything to anybody. He was one of the gentlest, nicest guys I’d ever met. “Greg, it’ll be okay,” I said, grabbing at his arm, trying to get him to open up to me. 

“I said go the fuck away,” he roared, his voice deep and surprisingly angry, vibrating in my chest. He brought the weight of his large arm down into my face. It wasn’t even his elbow, but his upper arm. It was solid, very solid, and I’d hoped to feel it, but not in this way. I fell back onto the gravel. I noticed red droplets on my shirt before I felt the fountain that was my nose overflowing.  

I was bleeding, but thankfully it didn’t hurt that badly. I thought he liked me. I thought we were friends. He turned around and I noticed he was crying. He was crying. “I—I’m so sorry,” he said as he wiped his eyes on his forearm. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. Holden, are you okay? I’m sorry.” I stood up, holding my nose, trying to stop the bleeding. 

“It—it’s fine.” He walked towards me, and I instinctually took a step back. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I knew he didn’t mean to hit me, but I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t know what else to do, so I smiled, trying to let him know I was okay.  

“Oh God,” he said, reaching for me again. I suddenly realized that had been a terrible idea. The blood spilled over my top lip, covering my teeth. It probably made me look like I was in a worse condition than I actually was.  

“I think I’ll just go back inside.” I ran back towards the building, blood dripping onto my shirt. He started kicking his truck angrily. 

I’d gone straight to the bathroom to clean myself up, and when I arrived back in the auditorium everyone was still waiting for Greg to return. He didn’t come back inside, so after thirty minutes Mr. Murray dismissed us for the day.  

I still couldn’t believe he’d hit me in the face with his freaking Hulk-strength and I was alive to remember it. If he could do this to me without even trying, I could only imagine the damage he could do on purpose. 

I didn’t know if we were avoiding one another or not, but I didn’t talk to Greg again the next day until lunch. The incident hadn’t left me with any swelling or bruising, so that was something to be positive about. I sat at a small table near the trash cans. I was sitting alone because I needed some solitude. Kyle was talking about how stupid Greg was and it pissed me off. I just couldn’t take it anymore, and my retaliations never seemed to faze him. Nobody else ever tried to call him out either, which only added to my aggravation.  

I swirled a spoon around in my cup of yogurt and granola disinterestedly. I hadn’t started on my turkey sandwich or potato chips yet, and I wasn’t feeling very hungry. “I’m sorry again,” Greg said, looking down at me. I hadn’t noticed him come up, which really showed how out of it I was. He was damn near impossible to miss. He looked at me so seriously. It was making me uncomfortable. “I didn’t try to—to hit you in the face like that. I don’t like hitting people. I don’t want you to think I’m that kind of person.” 

“I’m fine,” I said. “Apology accepted. And I definitely don’t think poorly of you.” He smiled uneasily.  

“Can I sit with you?” he asked. I looked at him. He was so freaking handsome. His eyebrows were thick and had a natural arch to them that made him appear somewhat angry. He had that look from shaving, like someone who had to shave on the regular. Not like me, I only had to shave once every two weeks. I’d heard he was a year older than everyone, but I didn’t know for sure. I went to a different middle school, so I didn’t know much about Greg before high school. 

“Yes, of course,” I replied. He smiled again, this time more comfortably, and sat down. He had one of those lunch bags that could be carried around every day. His was bigger than they usually were, and it was green. Maybe green was his favorite color. He had a bunch of food in there—three sandwiches, a couple bags of chips, a water, a juice, cookies, two bananas, and an apple. “You feeling better than you did yesterday?” I asked.  

“I feel lame as fuck,” he said. “You probably think there’s something wrong with me.” 

“A big guy like you crying is definitely out of the ordinary.” 

“You probably think I’m a pussy,” he said, shifting his gaze from me. He looked down at his massive spread, grabbing one of his sandwiches. 

“Absolutely not,” I said. “I cry much more often than I’d like to admit.” 

“Really?” he asked, looking up at me sheepishly. 

“Yes, really.” I started stirring my yogurt again, nervous at the thought of talking about these things with him. I wanted him to like me, not pity me. Hell, he might even think I deserved the things that made me sob. “I’ll share three things.” 

“Okay,” he said, smiling timidly. 

“One, The Princess and the Frog.” 

“The Disney movie?” 

“We got a black princess, and she was so hard working.” I could feel myself tearing up, only at the thought of the film. “She achieved her dreams. I want that.” 

“Aww,” he said, laughing. “We’ve got to watch that together sometime. Just so I can see the waterworks.” 

“Never.” 

He laughed again, harder this time. He took another large bite of his sandwich, speaking with his mouth slightly full, he said, “What else?” 

“Two, just three weeks ago when the cast list was posted for the play. I had to lock myself in a bathroom stall so I could cry. I was so disappointed.” 

“You didn’t get the part you wanted?” he asked, frowning. 

“I auditioned for George,” I said, finally eating a spoonful of my yogurt. “But you know how that turned out.” 

“Sorry Holden.” 

“It’s fine, honestly. I’ve accepted it.” We sat in silence for a little while after that. He powered through his lunch, and I watched him, impressed. Sexuality was such a fucked-up thing. What had occurred in my life that made me this way? He was eating his potato chips and it felt like things were moving in slow motion. He chewed, putting more chips in his mouth at one time than anyone I knew would. The oil from the chips left a glossy sheen on his full lips and I wanted to kiss them, to taste their saltiness. 

“You never told me the third thing,” he said finally. I jumped slightly, like a total dork. I had to stop staring at him.

“Oh, well, uh—last year, in October, we were getting things ready for the fall play. I—I was one of the last people still here, and when I finally left it was just me and one other girl. We waited for her mom to pick her up and after she’d gone, I went to the parking lot. My mom had let me drive her car to school that day, so I was feeling pretty good.” He was looking at me so intensely. I was regretting choosing something so serious for this, but I wanted him to know I wasn’t messing around about crying being okay. “I guess football practice got out later than usual, but a couple of those guys were in the parking lot.” His jaw tensed, and he stopped eating his lunch. All he had left were the bananas. “Long story short,” I said, trying to get through this as quickly as possible. “They pushed me around a bit, calling me names and stuff. I cried on the entire drive home.” 

“Who was it?” he asked angrily. My intention wasn’t to get him riled up. I didn’t think he’d even care this much to be honest. It was a couple of guys who graduated and one or two of the guys still on the team, but I wasn’t going to get Greg involved in something that didn’t matter anymore. Did I still think about them calling me a faggot over and over? Yes, absolutely, but I had been a convenient target. Normally they left me alone because I faded into the background, but that day I’d been the only drama-geek in the line of fire. 

“Yeah, no,” I said. “This isn’t what this conversation is about. We were just being open about our feelings. I’m not looking for retribution.” He angrily peeled open one of his bananas. He didn’t get this upset over Kyle taunting him, so this reaction was entirely unexpected. “So, what about you? Was it what Kyle said that made you feel so upset yesterday?” 

He looked at me and I realized I had been much more direct than I’d intended to be. He finished his first banana, sitting up straight. His belly looked satiated, but I bet he could’ve eaten way more. “I don’t like when people call me stupid,” he said. “I know I’m not smart, but I hate when people call me stupid.” 

“You’re definitely not stupid,” I said. 

“Sometimes I think I am,” he said. “I don’t try to stutter either, but when I’m nervous it just happens. I didn’t even want to do this, but I need the extra credit. I study so hard, but I still barely pass.” He studied? I felt guilt in the pit of my stomach. I had made unfair assumptions about him. I just thought teachers passed him. I had no idea he actually took his education seriously. “You’re really smart Holden. I wish I was smart like you.” 

“You just need help,” I said. “Sometimes I get overwhelmed by my classes too.” He ate his second banana in three bites. I was so hard that it was distracting. I was confused. We’d covered so much ground in one lunch period. I’d experienced such an array of emotions that I was sure we’d be bonded together forever. 

“I’m—I’m a year older than everyone,” he whispered, looking down. “It’s because I’m dumb. Who has to repeat the sixth grade?” 

“No,” I said gently, wanting to come across as sincere. “I don’t think you should feel that way at all. You just have to keep doing your best and trying to improve. School can be really hard and you’re still hanging in there! Besides, I’m glad that means we get to be in the same grade—.” I had started rambling. I was officially embarrassed. I’m glad that means we get to be in the same grade? I’d actually said that to him. 

“I’m glad we’re in the same grade too,” he said, looking at me kindly. He wasn’t smiling at me with his mouth, but with his eyes. Tyra Banks would be proud. Things were silent for a minute or two after that before he spoke again. “Man, I hate Kyle,” he said. 

“Ugh, me too,” I said, sounding too much like Cher Horowitz in Clueless for my liking, but it had already been said. “He is a total bitch.” Greg looked over at me and laughed. 

“Yeah, he’s a total bitch.” I could feel my face get hot. I’d been more honest with him than with a lot of my friends in the Troupe. He wasn’t making fun of me, thankfully, but I tended to say a lot of stuff I didn’t mean to actually say. That was why I preferred not talking. That was why I preferred acting, because I had pre-written lines. I got to play a role, and I didn’t have to be myself, because when I was myself, I felt like a freak. 

Lunch was almost over, and I’d forgotten to give him something from my bag. I leaned over, grabbing my bookbag and setting it on the seat next to me. I opened the front pocket and pulled out a king-sized package of Twix bars. “I meant to give these to you,” I said, sliding the candy towards him. “Chocolate always makes me feel better.” He laughed, and it was low and deep. I felt like I’d made some sort of faux pas. “I guess it was kind of silly.” 

“No,” he said, smiling at me kindly. “I fucking punch you in the nose and you bring me chocolate. You’re not like a regular guy. I’m glad I’ve got a friend like you, Holden.” He opened the package and handed me one. We sat together, me eating one of the Twix bars, he the other three, until the bell rang. 

After that, he started eating lunch with me every day. I was ecstatic about this development in our relationship. It was nice spending more intimate time with him, and less time at the Troupe’s lunch table with Kyle the Unbearable. 

I was enjoying gym class even more too, and Coach White’s attitude didn’t detract from it one bit. Greg seemed to be filling out his shorts even more, and I knew it had to be from the snack table at rehearsals and the fact he practiced two times less a week. 

We had been playing floor hockey recently. Watching our classmates jump out of Greg’s way or bounce off of his solid body was the highlight of my day. He didn’t try to knock people over, but I mean, if they were running full speed into a brick wall, they couldn’t expect to stay standing. 

“It’s getting hard to manage everything,” he confided in me one day during our lunch sessions. “It takes me so long to practice the lines at home, I don’t finish my homework until almost one in the morning.” 

“You do have a lot going on,” I said, wanting to help him in any way that I could. “Do you want to run lines together? And we could study too if you want?” 

“Do you have the time to help me?” he asked, smiling shyly. “I don’t want you to get stressed out because you have to help my dumb ass.” 

“I’ll help you,” I said. “But under one condition.” 

“Yeah?” 

“You aren’t allowed to talk bad about yourself. You aren’t dumb Greg, so I don’t want to hear you say that you are. Didn’t you tell me you hated when people call you stupid, so why is it you can do it to yourself?” 

“I—I don’t know. I guess I just feel like maybe I am. I’m sorry.” 

“So, we’ve got a deal?” I asked. 

“Yes,” he said. “Coach Sanders.” We both laughed at that and continued eating our lunches. 

The next day I waited for him to get out of practice. He said we could study at his place and that he’d give me a ride home after. The thought of being in his bedroom was enough to have my stomach in knots the entire day. He came and found me in the auditorium after he was finished, and we walked out to his truck. 

“How were rehearsals today?” he asked. 

“They were fine. Kyle was just as obnoxious as usual.” 

“I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with that today.” Walking next to him sure was something. I knew I wasn’t the tallest guy, but he made me feel microscopic. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. He had a duffel bag and his regular bookbag. “Thanks again for coming to help me out.” 

“I’m happy to,” I said. “It’s good practice for me too.” 

“But don’t you only have like fifteen lines?” he asked. I knew he was genuinely asking and not trying to be mean. 

“Throwing shade,” I said jokingly. “You’ve been around Kyle too much.” 

“I—I’m sorry,” he said, stopping in his tracks. “I just meant—it must not be—I wasn’t trying to be a dick.” 

“I was just messing around,” I said, in disbelief of how cute he was. “I got my lines down in the first week. And it’s even sadder than just having fifteen lines. I have twelve.” 

“I wish we could trade.” 

“Don’t say that. You’re going to kill it.” We started walking towards his truck again. It was almost six o’clock. I told my parents I probably wouldn’t be back until around ten. “With my help you might even be nominated for a Tony.” 

“What’s a Tony?” 

We had a lot to go over during the car ride to his house. 

The conversation in Greg’s truck didn’t make me feel awkward or nervous and it never felt like he was judging me or what I had to say. I was so at ease around Greg. When we pulled up outside of his place, I was kind of sad. I could’ve ridden around in his truck talking to him all night.  

Greg’s house wasn’t the largest; it was built in the bungalow style. The whole thing was one floor. His room was towards the rear of the house, through the living room and kitchen. Ms. Williams was busy in the kitchen when we arrived, unpacking loads of grocery bags. She was about 5’1” and large. She had the Mary J. Blige cut circa 2009 and wore navy blue scrubs. 

“Greg,” she said, looking at me excitedly. “Is this your friend Holden?” 

“It’s nice to meet you Ms. Williams,” I said. “My name is Holden Sanders. Thanks for having me.”  

“Greg, he’s so polite! And handsome too!” I laughed. I was really flattered. I thanked her for the compliment. “He mentioned you’d be coming over tonight. Are you staying for dinner?” she asked. 

“Only if you wanna stay,” Greg added. He was so fucking cute. If I got to be around him, of course I’d stay for dinner. “It’s nacho night.” 

“Sounds great,” I said, smiling. Ms. Williams then complimented my smile. She was gassing me up. I needed a hype-woman like her in my life. 

We went to Greg’s room after that, and he asked if I’d be okay while he went to take a quick shower. “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I said. 

He pulled off his sweatshirt and tossed it in a pile near the opening of his closet. I held my breath in anticipation of how much he’d take off in front of me. I should have looked the other way, but I didn’t want to waste this opportunity. He kicked off his sneakers and pulled off his socks, adding them to the pile before slipping on a pair of Nike slides. 

He grabbed some items from his dresser and walked over towards his door. He turned back towards me, and I took him in again. He filled the door frame with how broad he was. Greg was at home and still seemed too big to be entirely comfortable. I wondered what showering was like for him. I hoped they had a detachable shower head so he wouldn’t have to struggle rinsing himself off. What I wouldn’t give to be in that shower with him.  

“I’ll be back,” he said, walking away.  

No longer entranced by Greg’s gorgeousness, I was able to take in his bedroom. There wasn’t much in terms of interior design, but he had his huge bed, a desk setup, a TV with a gaming system, and lots of different sneakers in their original boxes. He was such a guy. 

A few minutes went by before there was a knock at Greg’s door.  

“Um, come in!” I called. Ms. Williams entered.  

“Do you need anything?” she asked. “Dinner won’t be ready until around seven-thirty.” 

“I’m all good,” I replied. “Thank you for being so nice.” 

“Oh, of course baby!” she said cheerily. “I am just so excited to meet one of Greg’s friends from school. I was worried he didn’t have any. He never brings anyone by to hang out.” 

“I’m sure he has lots of friends on the team,” I offered. 

“Maybe,” she said. “But he’s always been such a sensitive boy. I don’t think those boys really understand that.” She came further into the room. She seemed like she really had something to share with me, like this was confession in church, and I was the priest. “He was born premature, and I was terrified I was going to lose him. His dad was never the best and even when Greg was in the NICU fighting for his life, he rarely visited.” 

“That’s awful,” I said, knowing my emotions were showing on my face. I could feel a huge frown fixed on my mouth. 

“He never understood Greg. He was a terrible man.” She came closer, sitting on the bed next to me. I’d barely said two words to the parents of my other friends in the Troupe and I’d known most of them for over three years. Now here I was with Greg’s mom having a whole therapy session. 

“Greg must not like him very much.” 

“He was very hard on him.” She paused, like there was more to be said, but not like it could be shared at this moment. “I don’t think he could like his dad after how he was treated by him.” 

We sat together in the silence before she chuckled under her breath. She looked over at me, smiling wide. She and Greg had the same megawatt smile. 

“When Greg was a little boy, he loved Clifford the Big Red Dog. The boy was obsessed! He had all the books and the pajamas and the bedspreads. I think because he loved it so much, it’s the reason he grew as big as he is now. He was copying that damn dog!” She laughed loudly, playfully patting me on the shoulder. I laughed too, thinking about Greg not being absolutely gigantic. 

“I don’t think Greg would ever tell me any of this,” I said, still laughing. 

“Oh, he’s going to be a little Mr. Grumpypants when he finds out I’ve been in here talking to you.” She sighed. “I’m just so happy he’s becoming close to someone. His dad really instilled some negative things in him about his self-image. We got divorced when Greg was starting middle school.” 

“He hasn’t really told me about it,” I said. “Maybe one day he will.” 

“I think he might,” she said. “You’re all he ever talks about. ‘Holden is so smart, mom. Holden said I need to watch Dreamgirls. Do you think Holden would want to come play video games? Holden this and Holden that.’ It warms my heart, honestly.” 

“I didn’t know he thought of me as such a good friend.” I smiled at her. “I’m glad though. Greg’s really cool.” 

That’s when Greg came back to his room, stopping in the doorway when he saw his mom on the bed next to me. He groaned loudly. I could tell he was embarrassed. “Mom, please leave him alone. He’s gonna think there’s something wrong with me.” 

“If your friends can’t talk to your mom, they shouldn’t be your friends.” She stood up from the bed and walked towards the door. “I’m going to go finish slaving over your dinner. Bye Holden-sweetheart.” 

After she left it was just Greg and I in his bedroom. He didn’t say much for a while, and I think he was actually really embarrassed by his mom having been talking to me. He was wearing another pair of sweats now; they were black Adidas sweats with the white stripes up the side. They weren’t as baggy either, so I was able to see a better outline of his legs and butt. He also wore a simple gray t-shirt. 

“Your mom is so nice,” I said, trying to alleviate some of the awkward tension. 

“She told you the Clifford story, didn’t she?” he asked, certain his mom had gone into detail about his love of the big red dog. 

“I’m not going to lie to you,” I said, feigning seriousness. “I know about the Clifford story. I would like to confess my obsession with Cyberchase.” 

He laughed. I laughed. We laughed together and things began to feel less uncomfortable. 

We got started running lines after that. We stood in the middle of his bedroom, both holding copies of the script. I didn’t need a copy. I’d committed the entire thing to memory, but it was important I was able to help Greg if he made a mistake. He played his one role, and I played all the other characters. He thought it was funny that I had different voices for everyone. His favorite would have to be when I did Curley’s Wife. He relaxed a lot when I did that one. He also thought it was amazing I had memorized everyone’s lines along with mine. I had a crazy good memory when it came to scripts, but a month after the show I wouldn’t even remember half of these lines. Hell, maybe it should have been a two man show. 

He was fantastic when he was at ease. He had great comedic timing and he knew exactly when to play up the serious scenes. We’d gotten through a majority of the script when his mom called us for dinner. 

We ate and talked. After dinner we worked on homework and did a bit of studying. He took me home before it got too late. That had been one of the best nights I’d had in a long time. 

We kept up our mini rehearsals every other day for about a month and everyone was amazed at how well he was doing when we got together after school. I was proud of him, and it made me feel good to know I was the reason he was improving. It felt good to know that he was my friend, even if I was still incredibly attracted to him. 

The play was a week away, meaning we’d entered tech week, so Greg was officially done with football until after Thanksgiving. At that point they’d be in the playoffs.  

I’d bought everyone costumes and I liked to think that I did a fantastic job. Everyone tried on their stuff last month when I first bought the clothes. Nobody had gotten any bigger or taller, so I was sure everything would fit. 

Well, almost nobody had gotten bigger. 

“Holden,” I heard Greg call. I walked over to the door his head was peering out of. It was the small bathroom behind the stage. He stepped back to allow me to enter and closed the door. “My costume, uh, it—it doesn’t fit anymore,” he said. He was right. It didn’t fit. The hooks of the overalls wouldn’t even meet the front part. His belly was too big. His thighs filled out the overalls completely. They were the biggest thighs I had ever seen and all I could think about was my head in between them with his dick in my mouth. “I ripped out the back too.” He turned around and I saw a very large rip down his meaty backside.  

“Well, I could—.” I was thinking. I had no idea what I could do, not in this very moment at least. “Just wear your regular clothes and tell him you can’t find your costume. Take it off and give it here,” I said. He pulled off the denim fabric and I almost passed out from how quickly my penis stiffened. 

Those big beefy legs—oh God. I couldn’t help but imagine them bucking behind me. He unbuttoned his plaid shirt as well. He was standing in front of me wearing nothing but his underwear. He pulled on his jeans and put on his sweatshirt. 

“Thanks for not laughing,” he said as he walked by me to leave the bathroom. I was so enamored that I hadn’t covered my crotch. I prayed he didn’t feel my erection as he walked by me. If he did, he didn’t say anything. 

I measured him again later and when I went to hunt down some more overalls, I went up a size larger than I thought we’d need. They were huge, but hell, I thought the last pair of overalls were enormous. I saw him the next day and told him that I had bought him a new outfit and he thanked me again. 

It made sense why he needed a new costume. I was pretty sure Greg was a nervous eater. But then again, I noticed he also ate a lot when we rehearsed at his house, and he didn’t seem nervous at all then. Maybe he just ate a lot, and he didn’t need a reason besides liking food. I liked that he liked food. It just made him all the more attractive to me. 

The football team did not like Greg missing two weeks of games. They’d gone into overdrive in regard to fucking with us drama-geeks. I noticed they didn’t really mess with me though. I think it was because I was always around Greg now. I heard a rumor that they planned on convincing everyone not to come and see the play. I hoped that wasn’t true. 

So things kept moving forward. Sets were built, costumes were finalized, mics were assigned, and blocking was underway. The play was in three days, and we stayed and ran through the entire thing twice every day.  

I could tell the fact that things became more fast-paced had started to get to Greg. I knew he liked to eat, and it was really cute how much he enjoyed all the cast food, but every spare moment he was munching on something. He’d even ended up on stage with food in his mouth a few times. The new overalls were holding up okay though. I wanted to ask him how much he weighed. I really wanted to know. 

“Hey, how much do you have to weigh for wrestling?” I asked one day at lunch. I figured he was going to wrestle once the play was over. I saw it once and it looked hard, but he looked amazing in the singlet. It was like the gym uniform, only better. 

“I don’t think I’m gonna wrestle this year,” he said, sounding really self-conscious. “I barely qualified for the highest weight class last year—and that’s 285 pounds.” He placed his large hand on his even larger belly as he munched on some potato chips. “I’ve gained a lot of weight recently.” Oh, and I’d noticed. “I’m probably up 60 pounds from last winter.” 

When he said that, I—of course—got an erection. I was a freaking sex fiend or something. I needed to calm down. 

“Cool,” I said. Cool? What was so cool about it? I didn’t want to say anything stupid, and I ended up saying the absolute dumbest thing in the world. He just laughed and kept eating. 

“I’m way more invested in football,” he said, still eating. “I’ve got college scouts coming to see me play in the playoffs. I just wish I’d been practicing more with the team.” 

“I’m sorry Greg,” I said. Mr. Murray and his determination to get us a Lennie could have fucked with Greg’s collegiate dreams. Football was his future, not acting. It was way more important than Of Mice and Men. 

“I’m not,” he said seriously. We were alone at our table. I’d grown accustomed to us living within our own bubble. Just me and him. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’ll be doing another play, but I’m getting B’s in all my classes and I’m getting to spend time with you. You’ve helped me do stuff I never thought possible. It makes me think that maybe college won’t be so bad. I figured the only way I’d make it through was because I was gonna be playing ball, but maybe—maybe I’m smart enough too.” 

“It sucks to think we just got to know each other this year,” I said. “You’re one incredible person Gregory Deshawn Williams.” 

“I thought it’d be scary having you say my full name, but I like it when you say it.” He looked down at the food he had left, selecting his next delectable morsel. “It’s cute.” 

I just laughed. I didn’t know what else to do. His mom had said he was sensitive, not gay. Greg was probably just a guy that didn’t embrace toxic masculinity. Him saying that I was cute didn’t mean what I wanted it to mean. I didn’t want to harm this friendship. I’d rather have Greg as a friend than not at all. 

Opening night caused the most anxiety ever, for anyone. I put on my jeans, flannel shirt, cowboy hat, and cowboy boots backstage before putting on a light layer of stage makeup. I did Greg’s face too, but his was even lighter. He was sweating so much I didn’t want his face to look runny. 

“Calm down,” I said. “Your energy can throw off the entire show.” His eyes widened and I knew I’d chosen the wrong way to phrase that. Theater people were a little blunter than I think he could handle. “Greg, you’re going to do great. Just imagine it’s me and you up there.” He stopped fidgeting after that, taking a deep breath. 

“I’m so nervous I haven’t eaten since lunchtime,” he said. That was all I needed to hear. If Greg had skipped dinner, he must have been terrified of going up there. 

“We’ll eat a whole bunch after the show,” I promised.  

“My mom’s here,” he said. “She said that she was glad I was doing something more intellectually stimulating.” He sighed. “She probably thinks I’m stupid too.” 

“She doesn’t,” I said, quickly defending Ms. Williams, my number one fan. “You’re not stupid. You’ve never been stupid. And you know your mom would kill you if she heard you talking like this.” I knew he needed more support. This was his very first show ever! I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. I could feel his warm hand on my back as he hugged me in return. We stopped embracing one another and he smiled at me. He could do this. I knew he could. The opening music started, and Kyle took his place next to Greg, rudely bumping me out of the way in the process. “Break a leg,” I whispered as he walked on stage. 

The show moved along, and I went out four times to deliver lines. I was only in two scenes with Greg, but I made sure to give him a discrete thumbs up. He nodded slightly and smiled. He did really well. I was definitely a Greg stan, but he killed it out there on stage! He remembered all of his lines, he made all of his position marks, and got a ton of laughs. I was so happy. Kyle flubbed twice, and I reveled in his mediocrity. 

Afterwards, Greg and I found Ms. Williams. She told me I did a fantastic job and that I was very handsome on stage. I noticed she nudged Greg in the side slightly when she said that I was handsome. “You are going to be the next Michael B. Jordan,” she said. “When you’re famous don’t forget about me!” 

She turned to Greg, tears in her eyes, and hugged him. She was so proud of him, and it showed. It was making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He’d worked so hard, and it was paying off. “You liked the show?” he asked. 

“I loved the show,” she said. “I loved seeing you up there.” 

My mom and dad and brothers were here too. They made their way over to where I stood with Greg and his mother. My family met Ms. Williams and they chatted for what felt like hours. While our parents talked, the twins joked around with Greg about how big he was. My brothers, Charlie and Sammie, were ten. 

“You could be in WWE,” Charlie said. 

“It’d be so cool,” Sammie added. “You could probably lift both of us at the same time!” 

“Yeah!” Charlie added enthusiastically. “Holden never plays WWE with us.” 

“Well, if I was on a team with Greg I’d play,” I said. “You guys kick my butt when it’s two-on-one.” That started an argument between them. They both wanted to partner up with Greg and they were debating who’d be stuck with me. Greg just laughed and laughed. I was worried he’d be annoyed by my kid brothers, but he was handling them really well. 

Standing in a cluster, Greg towered over all of us. My mom was 5’2” and my dad was the same height as me. The twins were still growing, but I doubted they’d grow much taller than me or my dad. And Ms. Williams was tiny as well. He was truly a giant amongst men. 

Everyone talked a little while longer, but the auditorium began to clear out aside from Mr. Murray and the rest of the cast and crew. We cleaned off all the makeup and changed clothes. We gathered in a circle for post-show notes. It was just observations that Mr. Murray and Eva noted during the performance that could be improved upon in the next show. Greg was the only one who didn’t have something to improve on. It killed Kyle, who’d been reprimanded over his missed lines and incorrect positioning on the stage.  

Unfortunately, the cast party was going to be at Kyle’s house. I wanted to go because opening night deserved to be celebrated, but I was likely just going to head home. I was sure the Troupe would be upset if I didn’t go, but Kyle’s attitude was going to be a lot to deal with. I was the only one who ever called him out and that meant I was the one he was going to take his aggression out on. 

“Are we going to the cast party?” Greg asked once we made our way to the parking lot. He’d told my parents he’d give me a ride home. I wondered if he actually wanted to go or if he was suggesting we go because he thought it was what I wanted. 

“Yeah, sure,” I said. “Only if you don’t mind going. We don’t have to stay long.” It was about nine forty-five and really nice for November. I sat in the passenger’s seat, and we drove to Kyle’s house. It was an older house and really big. It looked kind of haunted. 

We saw Jane, who played Curley’s Wife, and we all went inside together. There were thirty people involved with the production and they were all here. Greg and I talked about the performance, sitting at a table alone just like at lunchtime. A bunch of the Troupe were drinking and smoking and making out. Drama-geeks were just as debaucherous as all other high school cliques. 

He said that he was so nervous at first, he thought he was going to throw up. “You can just feel the audience when you’re up there,” he said. “It’s almost like we’re animals in a zoo.” I laughed.  

He was munching on those little sandwiches they have at parties. He must’ve eaten half of one of those huge trays by himself. “Hey, quit eating all the goddamn food,” Kyle said, walking over to where we sat away from everyone. He’d been so loud that nearly all the partygoers looked over at us now. My face was so hot it felt like someone had a spotlight on me. “I mean, I doubt you had to gain any weight for this role, idiot.” Greg stopped eating. 

“And you, I bet you loved when I messed up, didn’t you?” Oh my God. I was so mad. He wanted to start some shit? It was one thing to fuck with me, but to constantly belittle Greg? I had been waiting to go off completely on Kyle for weeks. 

“I did,” I said honestly. “I told you that you couldn’t act.”  

“You’re fucking Whit, Holden. You aren’t Broadway material.” 

“Neither are you!” I could feel my voice becoming shrill, but I had adrenaline pumping through my system and I wasn’t going to stop. “You spent months talking mad shit about Greg and he stole the whole fucking show. You should be thanking him for making you look halfway decent.” 

He glared at me for a moment before slapping a cup full of soda into my lap. What a bitch move. 

“How’s that feel? Figured you could use a drink from how thirsty you are for Lennie.” I was mortified. He didn’t have to say that. I couldn’t even bring myself to look in Greg’s direction. 

“You’re a real bitch, you know that right?” I asked rhetorically, standing. He shoved me hard and I stumbled back into my chair, banging my head against the wall of his basement. 

Greg stood up and grabbed Kyle by the collar of his shirt. I could see he wanted to knock Kyle’s teeth to the back of his throat, but he was able to restrain himself. He shook Kyle violently. “Say you’re sorry,” Greg boomed. 

“No way,” Kyle said, being very bold for someone who could potentially meet Jesus in the next thirty seconds. 

“I wasn’t asking you,” Greg barked, pushing Kyle so hard he fell on his ass. “You either apologize to Holden or I’ll bash your fucking face in.” I was living! I wanted nothing more than for Kyle to reap what he had sewn for weeks. I looked over at Greg and I could tell he was having a hard time; he didn’t want to do this, be the type of guy to hurt someone else. That really put a damper on how Kyle was getting his just desserts. Greg was breathing really heavily, and I knew that if he started in on Kyle nobody would be able to stop him. 

“Fuck him,” I said, standing again. “I don’t need his apology. Let’s just get out of here.” 

Greg looked over at me, still breathing heavily. He didn’t say anything, but I could tell he was starting to soften again. After a few more seconds, he just walked away. He left the house and I followed. Even his exit was totally badass. 

I caught up to Greg as he left the house. He wasn’t nearly as angry as he’d been a few seconds ago, but I could still feel rage radiating off of him. I appreciated him standing up for me even though he preferred avoiding confrontations.  

I wished my jeans weren’t so tight. They weren’t skinny jeans per se, but they weren’t as loose as some guys liked. The wet spot on my crotch had soaked through into my underwear. I hated how it felt, all damp and sticky. I wanted to go home so I could change, but I didn’t want that to mean we’d be done seeing one another for the evening. We walked to his truck and got in. He was still really upset so he hadn’t said anything. 

“I’ll take you home,” he said finally, sitting back in his seat, a scowl on his face and his hands in fists. It made me feel like he was upset with me. Maybe he didn’t like that I’d put him in that situation. I shouldn’t have antagonized Kyle. I should have followed Greg’s example and ignored trivial bullshit. 

“I’m really sorry about what happened in there,” I said, hating the idea that my pettiness could have completely ruined the vibe we’d built up. “I shouldn’t have said those things to Kyle. I shouldn’t have gotten you involved in that drama. I’m not usually a messy person.” 

“You’re always standing up for me and treating me like I have something to offer besides playing football.” His voice was deep and clear. He looked over at me, his eyes watery. “I’m not as strong as I look. Kyle talking to me like that just makes me think of my dad. I’m just—I’m so angry Holden and I don’t like it. I don’t want to be like that.” 

“You could’ve hurt him, but you didn’t. I’d be lying if I said that in that moment I didn’t want you to let him have it, but you have real strength Greg. You are constantly surprising me with how kind you are. I admire you a lot.” 

“Thank you,” he said, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his sweatshirt.  

“If you take me home, would you want to hang out for a bit?” I asked. “I—I’m not ready for the night to end yet.” 

“I’m not either,” he said, laughing, looking over at me in my soaked jeans. “You could take off your pants if they’re bothering you. I wouldn’t mind. I can crank the heat.” He wasn’t coming on to me, I had to remind myself. That didn’t stop me from thinking about sex and getting a boner. I was so embarrassed. I needed to learn to control my sexual urges. I wasn’t twelve anymore and these constant erections were so juvenile. 

“My underwear is wet too,” I said. He rummaged through the back seat before handing me a pair of his gigantic sweatpants. “Well, if I get out to change, will you watch to make sure nobody is coming?” Being naked in front of him was bad enough, but I still had a semi-hard penis in my pants. I’d just have to move quickly and keep in mind he wasn’t interested in looking in my direction. 

“Yeah, of course.” He coughed slightly. “I’ll be lookout.” We both got out of his truck, and I walked to the driver’s side, which was facing the street. I held his sweatpants in my hands as I looked up at him. We just stood there looking at one another until he finally said, “Oh, sorry, I’ll turn the other way.” He shifted his body, so he wasn’t looking in my direction. 

I removed my sneakers so I could take off the jeans. Then I peeled off the moist Calvin Klein briefs. I could feel the cool November breeze on my ass and balls. My heart was beating out of my chest. I wanted him to look at me and like what he saw. I wanted him to rip my shirt off so that I was completely nude in front of him. He could push me up against his truck and do whatever he wanted to me. Fuck. I had fallen for him hard. I pushed my fantasies to the back of my mind, finally pulling on the sweats and slipping my shoes back on. I could fit in one of the pant legs comfortably if I wanted to. I had to hold the waistband in a ball so they wouldn’t fall down.  

“All good,” I said. 

Once we were back inside of his truck, he started the engine and drove to my house. It was about a twenty-minute drive. It was nearly eleven at this point, and my parents would likely have an issue with Greg and I hanging out in the house so late when everyone else was sleeping. 

“Where are we going?” he asked, whispering, following me into the backyard. 

“My secret fort,” I replied. 

We walked quietly for a few moments before coming to stand before a quaint wooden structure in our backyard. It had been here for nearly ten years now. My dad had built it for me, and now the twins played in it from time to time. It was a fairly simple design. It had one large entrance and two small windows. It sat on top of a large wooden base. 

“I don’t think I’m gonna fit in there,” he said, laughing. 

“You can fit,” I said, not entirely sure if that was true. I entered first, filling the space away from the door. There was plenty of room left, I thought. I watched him through the window. He crouched down, his body filling the entire doorway. Shit, maybe he wouldn’t fit. 

He turned slightly, sucking in his stomach. He sat next to me, both of his legs hanging out of the door. “I guess we can count this as me fitting.” 

“Is this how Emily Elizabeth feels dealing with Clifford?” I asked. 

“Shut up,” he said, laughing. I laughed too and it just felt so right. Everything about being with him felt so effortless. I was falling in love with him. I was suddenly very sad. I couldn’t sit here and fantasize about Greg. He wasn’t interested in me, and I was deluding myself hoping for anything more than being friends. I had to stop hoping for a relationship more romantic and physical in nature. I had to be appreciative that I’d gotten to know such a kind and gentle person. 

He lifted his arm and placed it around me. “Sorry, it’s a bit of a tight fit in here.” 

“Oh, it’s fine.” He just needed to get more comfortable. He wasn’t making a move on me. I looked up to see if I could tell what he was thinking. I could barely see his face in the darkness, but it didn’t seem like he was feeling what I was. We sat in the dark like that for a while, just existing with one another. 

“Holden?” he called, his arm still around me. 

“Yeah?” I answered. 

“Are you gay?” I couldn’t look at him again, and even if I could, it wouldn’t have made it any easier to understand what he was thinking. I could feel my chest tighten, my heart beating a mile a minute. I wanted to hop out of the playhouse and run as far away from here as possible, but I couldn’t just leave him out here. I also wouldn’t be able to get out of here with him blocking the door. Maybe I could squeeze through one of the tiny windows. “I mean, I don’t care if you are. Because I—I—I like you Holden. I really like you.” 

“I am gay,” I said shakily. “I really like you too.” He looked down at me. I looked up at him. It was so strange how much better I could see him now. 

He pulled me closer. I could feel his body heat. I could smell him. He smelled like aftershave and stage makeup and faintly of party sandwiches. His massive arm pulled me closer still. His large hand held the back of my head. 

He kissed me and I kissed him back. This was nothing like kissing boys at parties this past summer at theater camp. “I gotta be honest,” he said, pulling away. “I was checking you out earlier tonight. You got a phat ass, Holden.” 

He’d been looking at me? And he liked what he saw? I couldn’t believe it. I kissed his face softly, enjoying how smooth his skin was. 

“Well, I’ve got to be honest with you,” I whispered. “I’ve been checking you out all year.” He smiled, his teeth bright in the night. He pulled me even closer. I could smell him even better; feel his warmth on my body. I placed my hand on his stomach, enjoying the heft of it. Greg was a fucking ten. 

The patio light came on and we both jumped. “Holden?” my father called. He could probably see Greg’s legs sticking out of the playhouse.  

“Yeah dad! It’s me!” I responded. “And Greg!” 

“Well say goodnight and come inside. It’s getting late.” He wasn’t coming outside. He probably assumed something way raunchier was going on inside of the secret fort. “You get home safe Greg!” 

“Yes sir, I will,” Greg replied. We heard the sliding sound of the patio doors. Greg shimmied his way out of the playhouse, thankfully not getting stuck. I followed and then walked him to his truck. 

“Text me when you get home,” I said. 

“I will.” He smiled at me. “Thanks for everything tonight. It was definitely memorable.” 

He wasn’t wrong about that, and I was happy. I was so incredibly happy. 

After all of that we still had seven shows to do. Kyle skipped like an entire section in the second show and Greg totally saved him by inventing new lines to get us back on track. When Kyle came off stage his face was so red! He couldn’t tell Greg he was stupid then. 

I hadn’t looked directly at Greg since that night in my secret fort. I was too nervous. It had been two days and I assumed we were still, like, together, but we didn’t say anything about it. It was kind of weird. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t. I had no lines to recite. 

The morning of our third show, Kyle quit the play. I thought it was hilarious, but Mr. Murray didn’t. He was freaking out about how we still had six shows to put on. Greg told him I knew all the lines. I didn’t even want to be George anymore, not like this anyway. I had wanted to earn it. 

“You can do it? You know the lines?” Mr. Murray asked frantically. I told him that I did, and he told me “Whit has nearly no lines, somebody else won’t have a problem with the role.” After that I was George. 

My family came back to see the show, and Ms. Williams had been to see every single one. I got to act with Greg, which went absolutely amazing since we had been practicing together. He seemed to be doing even better with me as George instead of Kyle. 

The final show actually sold out all three hundred seats. It was a Sunday matinee, and the entire football team was there—even Coach White! I couldn’t believe they all cheered for us, louder than any applause I’d ever experienced. They hooted and hollered for ten minutes, chanting Greg’s name. I think it meant a lot to him. This was some serious High School Musical-Troy Bolton-“Breaking Free” shit.  

We walked out after changing and went over to Greg’s truck. We had started talking more and more. “Do you want to come over, maybe?” I asked. “My mom and dad are out of town visiting my grandma with the twins.” 

“Yeah, I’m down.” He hadn’t gotten to see the inside of my house last time, so I gave him a quick tour. It was pretty big, like Kyle’s haunted mansion, but a lot more inviting. It had two floors, a basement, and an attic. My room was in the attic, which I had entirely to myself. 

We entered my bedroom and I flicked on the overhead light. He looked around and noticed my bookshelf. It had mostly plays and classic literature on it. I took my bookshelf very seriously, but I swear I wasn’t pretentious about it. “Jesus, look at all these books,” he said. 

“I try to read a new play every week,” I said. I sat on my bed, and he sat next to me. I leaned on his shoulder, and he moved his arm around my waist and pulled me a bit closer. I loved when he did that. “I have some I think you’d really like if you want to borrow one.” 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” 

“Can I kiss you?” I asked. He nodded and I got on my knees in my bed so that we were at a more even height. We kissed for the first time since the night in the playhouse. It was amazing. His lips were so soft and smooth. He pulled at my shirt, and I helped him get it off. He touched my chest, and I could feel every hair on my body stand on end. It was euphoric, yet strange, to have somebody else touch my body. I had never been touched like this before. 

I pulled off his sweatshirt and my already erect penis stiffened even more. I was so glad we had the house to ourselves. He was so big. His gut was round and meaty. He had hair leading down from around his belly button to his pubic area. I finally got to feel it. 

He undid his pants button at the same time I undid mine. I was so excited; I thought that my heart was going to beat out of my chest. My pants came off and I was in my black briefs. He was standing, and I was on my knees in the bed facing him. I kissed his chest. It tasted good, like clean and sweat at the same time. 

“Do you have any lube?” he asked. 

“It’s in the top drawer of my dresser,” I said, pointing across the room. He sauntered over to it, his back looking ridiculously sexy. I wanted to touch every part of him. I wanted to leave no area unmarked by my hands (and mouth). His jeans sagged down in the back and the slope of his lower back to the top of his ass was so extreme. I wanted to see him completely naked. 

He walked back over to me, lube in hand. He stood before me again and pulled off the rest of his clothes. I reached out, touching his stomach before my hand traveled down to his dick. It was thick and long. He had to be at least nine inches. “I’m a little nervous.” 

“Me too,” he said. “We can stop if you want.” 

“No, I don’t want to stop. I want to do this with you.” He smiled, his large hand pushing me onto my back. He put on a condom from his wallet. He grabbed my underwear and pulled it down. My penis bobbed freely from its confine. He covered his dick with lube before gently massaging my hole with lubed up fingers.  

He got on his knees as he continued massaging my hole. He brought his face close to my penis, licking the shaft. He grabbed it with his free hand and stroked it a few times before popping the head into his mouth. He sucked on it greedily, like it was some sort of tasty treat. I was so excited I thought I would cum any second.  

“Greg,” I managed to get out. “You’ve got to stop or I’ll cum too soon.” He ignored me, continuing to take my entire dick in his mouth. I thought for sure it was all over, but he stopped just in time. There were no words to describe the way I was currently feeling. This was unscripted. I just had to enjoy the moment. 

He stood, removing his fingers from inside me, and positioned me so that I was close enough to the edge that he could still have access to my ass. I was on my back; my legs were in the air and kind of on his chest. He bent his knees, trying to guide his penis inside of me, but he was too tall. I grabbed a pillow and placed it under my lower back, which helped considerably. “You better let me know if it hurts.” Even now he was concerned with hurting another person. I loved this guy. 

He slowly entered me with the tip of his dick. He kept it there for a few moments, allowing me to get used to it before pushing more and more of himself inside of me. “It—it feels good,” I moaned. I was feeling bashful, so I covered my face with my arm. 

He thrust his hips and I could feel his belly on my penis, shifting back and forth as he moved. “Move your arm,” he said assertively. “I wanna see that cute face.” 

I did as he said, looking up at him. He licked his lips and it just turned me on even more. 

“Fuck—,” he groaned, moving more slowly, switching up the rhythm. His belly had been rubbing me off, and I came after a few more minutes. Cum spurted on my stomach and partially on his gut. He wasn’t done yet, and he kept pushing into me at a steady pace. I was still rock hard and enjoyed the ride until he finished about a minute later.  

“We’ve got to do that again,” I said, panting. I stood, my legs wobbly, and grabbed a towel from my closet so that I could clean us up.  

“We most definitely do.”  

We even took a shower together after that. It was a good thing we had a detachable shower head because it did make it easier for him to rinse himself off. We were both hard the entire time, and I knew we’d be very busy the rest of the night. 

In the end, Greg and the rest of the football team made it to state, even taking the title. My entire family and Ms. Williams wore jerseys with his number on it. The scouts had come out to see him play and he killed it. He’d gotten multiple offers, but he was going to commit to the school closest to mine. Our campuses would only be a thirty-minute drive from one another. Greg wasn’t able to go back to wrestling. The coach, he told me, was extremely shocked by how much weight he had put on. He was well over 360 pounds, which was more than seventy pounds in a year. He spent the winter eating and conditioning and growing stronger. He may have had a belly, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a ton of muscle. 

I ended up getting a substantial role in the winter drama and the lead in the musical, so there was no more crying in the bathroom stalls for me. But honestly, even if I had been cast in a Whit-like role, I wouldn't have cared because Greg and I were together. 

Kyle didn’t audition for the winter drama or the musical. It was awesome; both shows went so much more smoothly without him. 

I’d been reading the play As You Like It and Shakespeare was really on to something when he said all the world’s a stage. I didn’t have to wait for lines, and I didn’t need to shrink into the background. If my life was a production, I had to make sure it was Tony-worthy. And I knew Greg would be one hell of a co-star. 

The End!

[roomwithanopenfire]

Six Sentence Sunday

Happy Sunday everyone!! Thanks for the tags @blackberrysummerblog and @artsyunderstudy!!

This week I’ve done the big three: writing, editing, and ignoring my wips, with perhaps a bit more of the last one than I’d like. Most of my writing this week has been for an exchange fic for a different fandom, which I finally finished the rough draft of. Cue the celebration. However, even if I wanted to share anything from that, I can’t, it must remain hush-hush, but I am getting pretty excited to share it (and way more excited about receiving my own exchange fic back, this whole thing is very fun).

I’ve written less than 300 words on my COBB this week, and none of them are good, but I have gotten some editing done of Proof of Life. I can’t share any more snippets of the next chapter though because I’ve shared too much already. So instead, I figured I’d do a bit of a process post this time around, because I always love reading those. Check that out under the cut! (and i'm sorry this is long, i still have not learned brevity)

So my editing process isn’t too crazy, and is brought to you almost entirely by google docs comments. I also use the word ‘editing’ very loosely to encompass rewriting, revising, and proofreading. Sometimes editing means completely rewriting a scene/section, sometimes it just means switching around a couple of words or cleaning up a sentence. 

Mostly, I try not to take everything so seriously, because I know that I could edit something forever and ever and never post it if I let myself get too carried away. So I try to keep everything pretty chill. So here’s my steps I go through for each chapter that I edit. 

Step One: Reread the whole chapter. While I do this, I’ll leave comments on big picture things. “Maybe move this scene into the next chapter” or “The dialogue in this scene feels stilted” but I don’t add a lot of comments at this point. Once I’m done with this I’ll copy over any comments I had on the first draft or the beta reader copy over into the ‘draft two’ document. 

Step Two: COMMENTS. Again, my fics are brought to you by google doc comments. I like to go through from the bottom up, reading scene by scene and leaving comments on pretty much every single sentence. 

A lot of the time (read: most of the time) these are really vague like:

And sometimes these are more detailed like:

And occasionally these are compliments

Step Three: Once the whole chapter is filled with comments, I go through scene by scene (in whatever order speaks to me), and rewrite, edit, or fix sections. This part I find really fun, because I’m taking parts that aren’t good yet and I’m making them better. I love fixing things and getting rid of all the comments. It typically ends up being a lot of  rewriting, but I always finish a scene feeling better about it then when I started.

For example, here’s the draft one vs. draft two version of a snippet from the first chapter of Proof of Life. This is one of the scenes I pretty much rewrote. Others look a lot more similar to their original versions.

Original:

Edited:

Step Four: Then before I post a chapter, I’ll read through the whole thing and sometimes find smaller bits to fix. Then I’ll run it through a grammar checker and ignore half of their suggestions in the name of ✨style ✨.

Overall, I feel like I have a pretty basic editing strategy and I’m really pleased with it. Even though sometimes I feel like more robust edits would make everything way better, it’s a good mix of fixing things but not spending too much time on it. I remember I spent like a month on editing the very first fic I posted at that was only 6k words. If I kept doing that for everything, I'd never post anything at all. With fanfiction, I know that y'all will be nice to me even though it's never perfect <333

Tags and Hellos!! (I'm unsure if we still need the spaces, but i've been burned too many times lol)

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