#I’ve had the I can fix him meme for like years (my sister is a hopelessly heterosexual engineer)

[badolmen]

Starting a collection [ID in alt text]

[whatanoof]

A Push in the Right Direction

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Cal Kestis x Reader

Word Count: ~7.6k

Warnings: fluff, smut, swearing, sexual tension, rough sex, sex pollen so by default it's dubcon, pining

Summary: Healing injured patients? Psh, easy stuff. Force healing? A little more tricky. Confessing your crush to your very close friend? Damn near impossible until a flower bush shoves you in the right direction.

A/N: Happy birthday my friend @marvelassassin221b!! I hope you are staying safe, and that your birthday will bring happiness and wisdom to your life. It's been a blessing talking to you and laughing at memes together <3 Thank you for giving me the push to get this fic done and posted, I couldn't have done it without you. Enjoy some of our favorite redhead Jedi ;)

You’ve always been terrible with directions. Like, it’s a miracle you haven’t gotten lost in more dangerous settings, but even your Jedi Master used to shake their head when you had survival exercises in your Padawan years. Greez too, makes comments about how atrocious you are at navigation. You hadn’t been allowed back to the holomap since a disastrous set of directions landed the Mantis on the more unfriendly side of the Outer Rim.

But even with all of your shortcomings at mapping, you have a solid crisis mode. You need to have one as a medic. It’s not a good idea to freeze when a patient is bleeding out on the ground in front of you, there is only one way that is going to end, and it’s not going to be a happy ending. Under pressure, all of the unsureness that surfaces during your attempts at navigation vanishes, and your body is moving before your mind even consciously thinks to. It’s your zen mode, almost your place of meditation, where you give into the inner instinct and allow the Force to guide you through the process. Too bad you can’t reach that state in any situation other than emergencies, maybe you would be able to navigate your moves in confessing a crush.

You had met Cal Kestis on Bracca. He’d cut his hand open on a jagged edge of wall paneling, and Prauf brought him to you, one of the few healers among the scrappers. You couldn’t tell what exactly it was that gave him away to you, but the instant his eyes met yours, you knew where he had come from.

Of course, you waited until Prauf had gone back to work to reveal yourself. Healing through the Force decreases the chance of infection, is painless, and is essentially instantaneous. While your normal supplies would have done the trick, the drama queen in you realized this would be the perfect way to show Cal he wasn’t alone. Force healing is tricky, but you’d had a surprising knack for it ever since your youngling years. The Order had trained you up in the way of Force healing and given you the tools to take advantage of your aptitudes. Cal’s face had been priceless when you simply waved your hand over his, and the wound closed within seconds.

There was a certain comfort in knowing you weren’t alone. Admittedly, in the long years after the Purge, you’d toyed with the idea that you had been the only Jedi to escape. Those had been dark days, where you could barely scrape together the energy to forage for food and water, laughing that the Jedi Order would die with a single Padawan who had lost her lightsaber along with everything she had known.

But then Cal stumbled into your little cordoned off area. You’d become close friends from that moment to the day Prauf died and the Ninth Sister shoved you both off of the cliff and onto the freight train below. The Mantis crew was surprised, to say the least. They had gotten reports of a single Jedi wreaking havoc on Bracca. But they welcomed you aboard and you had become the team medic, patching up Cal when he got back from missions and finding time in between to try and recover the Force abilities you had lost to time.

---

“Hey.” You look up from your work. Medical supplies lie strewn across the floor of your part of the room, bandages unwound and your meager supply of medication stacked methodically in the corner.

Cal looks down at you from the doorway, a streak of something across his cheekbone. You want to wipe it off, but you just smile back, “Welcome back. Find anything cool?”

His happy grin only widens, “You’ll have to come and find out.”

“What?”

He beckons you towards the main hull, “Come on!”

Cere and Greez are already there and seated around the meal table, and BD is perched on the table, chirruping animatedly as if talking to Cere. You take your place with them, noting the empty chair to your right. Merrin is back on Dathomir, searching for ancient texts about Nightsister magic and rituals. She’s been gone for several days, but you still find yourself seeking out her snarky comments and cool confidence.

“Okay.” Cal stands at the head of the table, rubbing his hands together in a way that makes him seem as if he is playing the adult. “I’m willing to bet you're all wondering why I’ve called you here today…”

“Spit it out Cal, you woke me up from a nap for this.” Greez eyes the redhead grumpily, and you fight to hide a grin. Cere also looks mildly amused, if slightly impatient.

Cal rolls his eyes, but continues, “Cordova left a message, saying something very valuable to our quest is locked in a vault in the Zeffo caves. I found the vault today and it matches Cordova’s description, but we need two Force users to access it.” He nudges BD, and the little droid projects an image of the vault door. It’s massive, with gold decorations swirling across it, and two obvious indents in the ground on either side for said Force users.

Everyone’s gazes flit to Merrin’s empty chair. It’s without question she would have been the best fit for this mission. Her combat style complements Cal’s perfectly, and Cere is still hesitant to use the Force.

Realization strikes you, and you glance up to see everyone’s eyes are now trained on you. You begin to shake your head. “That’s a bad idea--”

“We’ll be fine. I’ll lead us directly to the vault. I have my saber, and you have your Force healing. Worst case scenario, you have to patch me up in the field.” That is definitely not the worst case scenario, but there are no other options. This mission is time-sensitive, and you can’t wait for Merrin to get back from Dathomir.

You fix him with a stern glare. “I will come. But--” You hold up a hand when Cal opens his mouth. “You have to stick with me. No disappearing and popping out to scare me, because I will get lost We go in, and we get out.“

“I wouldn--” Cal protests.

“You would.” You snap.

“Yeah, he would.” Cere agrees.

“Sounds like something you would do.” Greez nods.

BD beeps cheerily from its place in the center of the table, clearly in agreement with you.

Cal shuts his mouth with an audible pop, and you cross your arms while staring him down. Yes he would.

“I need BD back here on the ship. I’m running diagnostics on the navigation programming, and I can’t do it alone.” Cere speaks up.

Cal hesitates. You understand; he never goes on missions without BD. The two are a package deal, but everything needs to be running at peak efficiency before you go to the Fort Inquisitorius. And there’s no way you’re willing to deal with a navigation error en route.

You speak up, “Yeah, it will be fine.”

Cal looks at you, “We need BD to unlock a shortcut. What happened to in and out?”

You wave him off, “We’ll take the scenic route. Cere needs BD back here, and we can manage without. We’ll have our comm units, it will be fine.”

---

Do you know that saying, “Famous last words?”

Yeah. You hadn’t realized just how famous those last words could be. It started when Cal realized he’d left his comm unit on the ship in the charging port. But it was fine, because you had yours. Until you dropped it into a puddle after tripping over a tree root.

The scenic route involved passing through the outskirts of a forest, and the terrain was a little trickier than you had been prepared to handle, obviously. So, commless and armed with a single lightsaber and two shared brain cells, you travel towards the entrance to the Zeffo caves.

A flower bush catches your eye. Its leaves are a shocking shade of red, with gorgeous blue flowers that seem to call you over to them. Cal keeps walking even as you stop and reach for the bush. You pluck the flower in the fullest bloom and turn it over in your hand, admiring the veins of deeper azure spider webbing across the petals.

Cal says your name behind you, “We have to keep moving if we’re going to get back before dark.”

Turning to face your companion, you tuck the blossom behind his ear and step back to admire how the blue contrasts against his hair. The word slips out almost without you noticing. “Cute.”

It’s almost comical how quickly his face blooms red. “Guh--”

“It’s a good look.” You reassure him quickly. “Adorable. Pretty. Cute.”

“--Thanks!” He ducks past you to the bush. “I’m just going to grab a seedling for Greez. He’ll like this one.” Cal grabs one of the large pods and breaks it open, removing a seed and sticking it into the pouch on his harness. “Okay, ready.”

But you’re distracted by the red pollen that explodes in a cloud around his head, dusting him with a fine mist that leaves scarlet traces on his face and shoulders. “What’s that?” You step forward and run a finger across Cal’s poncho, collecting the dust and rubbing it between your fingertips. You hesitate, then raise your hand to your face to smell the substance. The sickly sweet scent and underlying current of spicy musk sticks in your lungs. The back of your throat tickles, and you sneeze.

An echoing sneeze draws your attention. Cal leans against the flowering bush, one arm clamped over his nose as he sneezes over and over again. He glances up at you, coughing with watery eyes, “Wha--”

A spike of dread pierces through you. ‘Stars, was it poison?’ He won’t stop coughing, a dry rattle as his body tries in vain to purge the intruding red dust. You fall to your knees beside him. Panic fills your mind, blotting out logic and reason and you place your hands on his body, intent on Force healing him even though you don’t know what is wrong with him. Then, just as suddenly as the coughing started, it stops and silence rings through the trees.

“Cal!”

You're shoving your hand underneath his poncho in an instant to feel for his heartbeat. You hold your breath. You can’t feel a pulse. You scramble to rip his poncho off completely, dragging it over his limp shoulders and head. You shove your fingers against his throat again. There!

His heartbeat flutters delicately, beating a rapid tattoo against your fingertips. You allow yourself to breath. He’s alive. But his pulse is fast, too fast. You rip open his tunic, though you’re not entirely certain what it is you’re searching for.

Just as your fingers brush over his skin, Cal bolts upright with a gasp. “Wh-- where...?”

You swear you almost pass out from the relief that slaps you across the face. “Stars, I thought you were dead. I’m so sorry about the flower bu-- mmm!”

Cal smashes his lips onto yours, pushing you onto your back with the sheer force of the kiss. His tongue dips into your mouth, searching and probing and damnit you can’t breathe when he’s this close to you, this desperate. His hips jerk against yours with an unpracticed, aborted motion, dragging a very prominent erection against your body that makes you jerk back in surprise.

You push him away from him for a second, propping yourself up on your elbows as you search his face for some indication of… you don’t know what. But this isn’t like him. “Cal, what--?”

“Need you.” He groans, his hands roaming over your body without fear or shame and inspiring a wave of pleasure as he squeezes your breasts. “Maker, you feel so good. Smell so good.” You bite back a moan. This really isn’t the time, not in the middle of an Imperial occupied forest. But to be completely honest, he feels really good too.

You’d imagined this before. Well, not these exact circumstances, but the idea of being under Cal. You’d imagined the feeling of his hands scraping over your skin and squeezing your body wherever he would like. You’d imagined his lips on yours, and other places for sure. But you’d really only ever been able to envision Cal as a gentle lover, all quiet moans and hesitant movements and unsure expressions. But this rougher side? You moan raggedly against Cal’s mouth as he shoves a thigh between your legs, rubbing up against your clothed sex. This is amazing.

Streaks of heat flash through your body, converging between your legs. Everything is amplified, the sounds around you, the grass beneath your knees, the blueness of the sky overhead. But it all seems to pale when your attention lands on Cal, who’s more flushed than earlier. You feel the heat beneath your skin too, but he’s got to have it worse right now, because you’re not the one sweating like you’re stranded on a desert planet. Maker, the pollen was some kind of--

His name escapes your lips in a tiny whisper that morphs into a moan halfway through. You allow your head to fall back, and it thunks against the spongy moss across the ground, knocking you back to the present. Cal’s lost in you, his nose buried in the crook of your neck as he ruts weakly against your thigh.

You shake off the haze clouding your mind, crisis mode kicking into full gear. You have no comms, one horny Jedi, and a completely hopeless sense of direction. “Cal. We have to move.”

He whines high in the back of his throat. “No.” It’s almost pleading, but there is an undercurrent of steel that makes you pause.

“Cal. We’re out in the open. Troopers co-- could--” Stars, you can feel the lust pumping under your skin, so close to the surface that it could burst out at any second. But fear hovers on the edge of your mind, pressing in and suppressing the need to jump Cal and reminding you of the certain torture and death that would occur if you were caught.

Cal doesn’t seem to have any of the same restraints as you. His fingers are carding through your hair, “Just wanna feel you. Maybe more.” His teeth latch into your neck, and the dull pain pierces through the haze more firmly.

He got dosed more heavily with the pollen. You resist the urge to curse as you gently detangle from Cal and sit up, biting back a sigh of relief as his teeth leave your skin. “We have to find shelter.” You begin to look around, but all you can see is the forest. You need something better, a place where you can figure out what exactly is wrong with Cal. You try to stand.

“Noooo…” This isn’t going to work. You actually do curse this time. How are you supposed to find effective shelter while dragging a full grown man around hostile territory without compromising stealth, all while your libido is cottoning to the edge of your mind, clouding your judgment?

“Come here…” Cal’s arm wraps around your neck, dragging you back down to the ground even as you try to stand. Okay that’s enough.

“You’ll forgive me later, Cal.” You press your thumb to his forehead and concentrate. His skin is dry and burning to your touch, and your brow scrunches. That’s going to be an issue. You reach to tap into the Force, but you pause. Your Force connection is… foggy. That’s the only way you can describe it in words, but it’s muted and dimmer than usual.

Your Jedi Master taught you a metaphor for using the Force: a barrier exists between you and access to the Force. It’s a wall, and your mind must become like a sharpened sword to pierce through and reach the Force. You can feel the barrier, just as always, but it’s like a second layer exists around it. If the normal barrier is made of thin glass, the new layer is crafted from paper; it’s strange, and thicker than usual, but still easily pierced with extra… force if you can say that without making yourself laugh at the pun. You summon the strength and press your mental sword forward through the barrier.

Rest. Cal’s eyes roll back in his head and he falls asleep with a gentle exhale. He relaxes against you, and you relax in turn when you see the pained lines smooth out of his forehead. Jedi healing includes your own personal anesthesia on demand. It will keep him under for a little bit, though you can’t tell what kind of effect the pollen will have on the Force sleep.

Through some feat of the stars themselves, you struggle to your feet. Cal’s arm is looped around your neck, and you want nothing more than to just sink down to the ground again and give into the weakness and lust pulling at your legs, coaxing you to collapse and take your pleasure. And stars, Cal’s heavier than you expected him to be.

But you shake yourself awake. Can’t get distracted. You glance at Cal’s drooping head. He’s been strong for you this entire time. The least you can do is be strong now and find some shelter. But where?

Voices filter through the trees, and your head jerks up towards the sources.

“Yeah, she told me to take the bucket off, or she would charge the full payment and…” Stormtroopers. Kriffing hell.

“Come on.” You hiss underneath your breath. You gather your legs underneath your body and push. Your muscles scream in pain, but they ultimately obey and you stumble to your feet and begin to move away from the approaching voices. Cal is dead weight over your shoulders, pulling and urging you to rest. It would be so easy to give in, to sink back to the ground and let Cal do what he wants.

The trees blur together as you move through the forest. The stormtroopers’ voices are getting louder and you grit your teeth. You don’t know their patrol route. How are you going to avoid them? All you can do is place one foot in front of the other. Then the mossy ground turns to stone underneath your feet, and you slow. Caves. Perfect.

You hurry inside, fatigued legs forgotten in your relief. There’s a bend directly beyond the mouth of the cave, and you gently lay Cal against the wall. You’re completely hidden from anyone looking from the entrance. You sit opposite him, your head falling forward to sag against your chest. Now what?

Your comm unit is busted, and Cal’s is sitting back on the Mantis, so you can’t contact the crew. You hold a hand to Cal’s forehead. His temperature is getting worse. You don’t know what infected him, so your Force healing is out of the question. The only bright spot is you’re pretty sure the stormtroopers won’t find you. They’re not exactly recruited for their brains, and you’ll be able to sense their muted Force signatures if they get close.

Speaking of…

You trail off, contemplating Cal’s unconscious face. His head sags against the rock wall and there’s a line of drool leaking out of the corner of his mouth. His brow is finally relaxed, his breathing deep and even and it strikes you that this is the most peaceful you’ve ever seen him.

You reach out through the Force. It has become a habit for you, Merrin, and Cal to find peace in each others’ Force signature. Whether nightmares or difficult missions, the others would be there as a silent comfort.

Merrin’s is a mixture of whites and creams swirling against a dark maroon background. When she uses her Force magic, there is an unmistakable green tinge through it. Hers is powerful, with a sense of underlying safety in her strength. True to form, Merrin has been a protector figure in the Mantis.

But Cal’s is more diverse, a blend of warm colors against a grey background with blue tinging the edge. But while the colors are chaotic, Cal keeps a firm hold on his Force presence at all times, never allowing it to surge violently from emotion. He does not suppress it completely anymore, but you know he has the ability to make it nearly disappear from the senses of another Force user. You should know, because you can do the same. Merrin grew up without fear of having to hide her Force sensitivity, but you and Cal survived the Purge. You both have firm grasps of your thoughts and emotions projected through the Force. So in Cal, you found a kindred spirit that understands you better than almost any other person in the galaxy could. You’ve become more familiar with his presence than even your Master’s before the Purge.

But now, your brow furrows as you search for his Force presence over and over, pushing into every crevice of the surrounding environment without violating his privacy. You’re not mistaken. It’s gone, almost as if he has been turned into a droid before your eyes. Every living thing has a Force presence, no matter how minute. But Cal’s comforting whirl of light is gone, vanished as though he is no longer connected to the--

Cal’s eyes fly open and he sits forward with a quiet gasp. You jump. It’s worn off then. You secure his body with the Force, holding him loosely so as not to cause any lasting damage. You would have to tackle the Force connection problems later.

“I need you to focus.” He pushes against the bonds with a whimper, and you bite your lip as you struggle to hold him still.

“Cal!” Your Force bind tightens, and he stills with a grunt. “Talk to me. Fight through it.”

He shakes his head, eyes screwed shut. “Hurts.”

“What hurts?”

“Every-- ah! Everything. Can’t-- can’t th-think. Only thing-- makes it better… you.”

What? Your concentration lapses and the bonds loose. He lunges forward and buries his nose into your neck again, inhaling you as his hands scrabble at your clothes. “Hurts less with you. Smell so good--soft. Please?”

Stars, you can’t think straight with him touching you like this. You bite back a moan as his hands roughly squeeze your breasts through your shirt. Surely, it wouldn’t hurt to give in. Just for a little. Indulge, and then you can figure out a way back to the Mantis. Then Cal raises your shirt and licks a long stripe up your neck, and that’s all the convincing you need.

You melt into his mouth, your hands running under his shirt and harness. His chest is just as feverishly hot as his forehead, but you can’t bring yourself to care when he swings a leg over yours so he’s hovering over you, knees planted on either side of your body. His hands shove your shirt over your head before setting to work on the button of your pants. You raise your hips to allow him to pull your pants under your butt. Your own hands yank at his clothes, silently begging him to strip with you.

But he doesn’t. He kneels between your legs and pulls your underwear to the side, exposing your wet folds.

“Cal--!” You’re cut off as he drags his tongue over your pussy, flicking against your clit at the end. Your stomach muscles contract, and it’s all you can do to keep quiet as he licks deep into your core.

---

The world is blurred. It’s like something crawled into his head and messed with his brain, dragging his focus away from more important issues… he can’t seem to remember right now. He can’t even feel the Force. His connection is compromised, the colors of the world are off, and there’s this bone deep ache within his body urging him closer to you. And as he’s drinking in your taste, the pain subsides and he can breathe again.

What is this? What’s happening to him? It has to be the pollen, it has to be its effect on his body, that’s why he’s lost all control over his mind and self. It’s why he can’t hold himself back from your body and you.

You’re all he can focus on; you’re so beautiful writhing under him as he tastes you. He’s never done this before. He can’t figure out why he hasn’t done this sooner, because you taste amazing right now and how you sound as he slides his tongue through your folds is doing things to him that he’s never experienced before.

His hips are dragging against the floor unintentionally. The friction of his dick against the rough material of his pants is a small slice of heaven, and he whimpers at the pure electricity spreading down his spine. He doesn’t want this to end so soon, but his body is shoving him towards the edge of release and the relief he knows is going to come with it.

---

A moan keens high in the back of your throat as Cal’s mouth presses against your soaked core. It’s sloppy and clumsy, but Maker if he doesn’t make up for it with enthusiasm. The only sounds coming from him are tiny moans and grunts and you shudder as his fingers dig into the pillowy flesh of your thighs, leveraging them apart and holding them there firmly. Of their own will, your hips roll up into his face, chasing after his touch.

You’re completely unprepared for Cal to growl when you do so. His grip tightens, and you squeak as your thighs are spread even farther apart and his mouth completely envelopes your clit.

Is this what heaven feels like? You can barely manage coherent thought when his tongue is devastating you like this, but thequestion rotates around your lust dumb brain as your toes curl and your back arches. Your release rushes up and sweeps you away, your core clenching as waves of pleasure wash over your body. You hear Cal whine as you cum, and you hear your own moans as you ride out your orgasm.

---

Stars, why hadn’t he done this sooner? The sounds that he’s pulling out of you right now could make him come in his pants on the spot, and the taste of your release has him rutting against the ground all the more insistently as he chases his own high.

But he doesn’t want to come in his pants, he wants to be inside of you. He wants you, your body squeezing tight around him, to feel the wetness seeping around his tongue rather than tasting it, even if it tastes divine.

He grabs your hips and yanks you down so your crotch is flush to his. He nearly loses his mind when your soaked core meets the bulge in his pants. Fuck, he thought he could wait, but he can’t.

But--something is still off with the world’s coloring. Where is the Force? The comforting pressure is gone from the back of his mind, the constant reminder of balance that keeps him in tune with his emotions and surroundings. Panic edges around the perimeter of his mind. In an act of desperation, he reaches for the Force, searching for the whispers of memories that accompany his world. They’re gone. Where did they go?

You whisper his name again, and this time his eyes meet yours.

---

You watch Cal carefully. He’s flushed, trembling as he hovers over your body, hands bare centimeters away from your skin. His eyes are desperate, and you can feel the pain in them as clearly as if it was your own. A bead of sweat tracks down his temple to soak into the collar of his harness, and he fumbles to rip the rest of his clothing off, discarding it on the floor as though it burned against his flesh.

“Cal.” He looks back at you. “Take what you need.”

It’s all the permission he needs. Relief and something else flashes through his eyes before he looks back down and fumbles with his pants fastening. His cock is flushed dark red, and his hands tremble as he pulls it out of his pants, jaw clenched as he lines up with your entrance. He slides into you with a bone-deep sigh of relief, and you cry out at the stretch. Every inch sparks pure electricity up your spine, and your eyes roll back in your head. He bottoms out, and for a heart stopping moment you feel a connection to him you couldn’t describe in words. Your hips roll against his, grinding the head of his cock up against something heavenly. Light explodes behind your eyes at the movement, arching your back and curling your toes.

Cal chokes, a beautiful sound you’ve only heard a few times before; the one that sounds like its been pulled from the deepest parts of his being, like he’s just ascended to another plane above the physical. It’s gorgeous and so insanely hot you’re completely unprepared for his sudden movement when he lunges forward.

Cal’s hand shoots out and presses against your neck, effectively pinning your upper body to the hard ground. You inhale shakily through your nose, but his grip does nothing more than hold you. You can still breathe, but the pressure on your throat sends a shock of heat between your legs with the reminder of the control you just relinquished.

“Stop that.” His other arm slams onto the stone beside your head, and your eyes lock. Cal’s pupils are blown, so dark you can almost see your reflection in the dim light of the cave as he glares down at you.

He doesn’t give you time to respond before he drags his hips away from yours, inch by painstaking inch and rocks back into your body with an easy roll of his hips. He exhales gently as he bottoms back out inside of you, a low moan rumbling out of his throat when he reaches that same depth within your heat.

It’s the eye of a storm; a hurricane you hadn’t known you’d entered. He rocks back and forth again, only there’s fractionally more force and speed to the motion this time. Again, and your body shakes with the force. Another, and you have to bite your lip to stifle the scream when he slams back into your body. It’s like the tide, coming in gradually, but more and more with each passing moment. The force swells, each thrust pushing into you a little harder and making your body shake a little more with each thrust.

A shuddering groan rumbles out of him as he finds the rhythm. The hand not pressed delicately around your throat slams down on the rock next to your head. When you look up towards the cave ceiling, Cal’s flushed skin and tousled hair fills your vision.

His hair, which is usually swept out of his eyes. Cal’s hair has always been so well cared for, usually brushed and slicked back so it doesn’t dangle in his eyes. Now, it’s soaked with sweat and falling into his face as he stares down at you like you’re the only star in the sky.

---

Take what you need? Holy stars, he can barely think enough to comprehend it, but some inner part of him aches at the sentence.

As soon as he realized his heart jumped every time you smiled at something, or that his brain short circuited at the sound of your laugh, he’d sworn he would keep it under wraps. He’d promised himself he would wait until after the galaxy finishes imploding and collapsing around your heads. The first time he’d jerked off to the idea of your body, he vowed to satisfy himself with his hand until it was safe. He’d wait until after the holocron is safe and there’s nothing to worry about, because relationships are messy and complicated and--

Fuck, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about that promise, because how can he regret being balls deep in you while you’re whining and squirming underneath him, when you look at him with such trust even as he pins you to the floor by your throat? His eyes gravitate to the mark on your neck, red and irritated with the indent of his teeth, and he feels his cock twitch even as he continues to pound into you. He likes that.

The promise didn’t keep his eyes from wandering to your face at any opportunity. It didn’t prevent the pressure in his chest from growing over the weeks and months. It definitely didn’t keep Cere and Greez from noticing, and that was a conversation he would rather have scrubbed from his mind.

Take what you need. That one sentence is spinning his world on its metaphorical finger. Take what you need. As if he didn’t want it, but he needed to do it. In all honesty, it had really felt like he was going to die. The burning in his throat that caused the coughing fit, then the racing heart and the overheating; he thought he wasn’t going to make it unless he--

Well, unless he fucked you.

But even if he needs it, he wants it even more, had wanted it for too long. But everytime an opportunity presented itself, he pulled back. He remembers how he threw away the flowers he gathered on the mission instead of bringing them back to you on the Mantis. He remembers every time he denied spending time with you, because his emotions were too raw and close to the surface, and he couldn’t predict his control over his own tongue. Because he didn’t think he could have handled it if you didn’t want him back.

But you had offered to help. Maybe you’d wanted it too, because the whole galaxy could be shoving you in one direction and you would defy it. Nothing can make you do anything you didn’t want to, and that applies to Cal Kestis too.

---

Your orgasm swells up sharp and sudden, gripping you in its claws and shoving you into the attack of muscle spasms and searing pleasure that punches into your abdomen. Your body arches, accidentally hitting your head against the ground.

Cal’s rhythm stutters and his hips jerk forward. His hand leaves your throat as he drops to his forearms. His head drops down to press against yours gently, even as he whimpers and continues to grind forward into your soaking heat.

“Fuck.” Cal gasps, eyelids fluttering rapidly. “Fuck. ‘M gonna cum.”

There’s no time to respond before he’s drawing up and tensing against you. His hips piston in and out once, then he’s cumming and all you can do is lie there and take it. Fuck that’s hot.

You can feel him spilling into you, every warm spurt of cum and every twitch of his cock as he spends himself. Even better is the drawn out groan that trails into his upper register, ending in a tiny whimper. The tension drains out of his face and he sags down, sweaty skin pressed against yours. His arms wrap around your body and he hoists your limp body up as he rolls over. He sits against the wall of the cave, seating you on his lap, cock still firmly buried inside you.

You allow your head to sag back against his shoulder, relishing in the feeling of his body pressed so closely to yours. His hand paws weakly at the fabric of your shirt, and you raise your arms to slide it off. It’s better like this, skin to skin contact seems to calm him down. He buries his nose into your bare neck and mumbles something you can’t make out.

You nudge your head against his gently, “Hm?”

“Thank you.” His lips ghost over the delicate juncture between your neck and shoulder. “Thank you thank you thank you...” He continues to mutter the phrase into your skin, tickling your skin as he nuzzles closer to you.

You should say something. Confess, maybe, everything you’ve been hiding. “Cal, I--” You shift slightly, and something feels off. You furrow your brow and glance downwards at your joining point, “Cal are you still hard?”

He props his chin on your shoulder. “Uh--” He thrusts shallowly up into you, and you stifle a whimper. “Ye-yeah. Sorry?”

“N--” You gasp as his cock twitches. “No. Don’t be sorry. Do you need to go again?” Arousal stirs in your core again, burning a slow path through your nerves and reigniting the flames that had dulled to embers. Your breath catches in your chest and you grind your hips back into his.

“I--I think so.” His voice is strained and his breath comes in short gasps next to your ear. “Not-- not as-- as bad though.”

“That--ah!” Cal chooses that exact moment to pick a spot on your neck and latch on. He nips at the skin before soothing it with his tongue. His hands, roughened with callouses from his saber, climbing, and tinkering, scrape over your skin with just the right amount of friction. You bite your bottom lip. “That’s fine. Should I move?”

His hands find your hips and hold you firmly in place. That’s a no then. His hips rock up into yours gently, and you feel your cheeks warm at the wet sounds of your combined release. Cal grunts, “Let me.”

So you do. You lie back against his bare chest and just take what he gives you, whimpering whenever he brushes against that spot inside you that sends electricity up your spine. You’re gripping his arms so hard you’re sure he’s going to have bruises in the shape of your fingers.

---

Stars, you’re fucking perfect. Just lying here and giving yourself to him. He can feel the Force dimly, but it’s there. The pollen is leaving his system as he slowly fucks you on a cave floor in the middle of a dense forest while stormtroopers patrol outside.

You cry out with his next thrust, the head of his cock striking something inside of you that must feel good because you clench around him and--

Did you just come again?

The additional lubrication only increases the lewd squelch with every thrust, the mixture of his cum and yours only making sliding in and out of your channel easier. He can still feel the effects of the pollen at the back of his mind, and it keeps him hard and sensitive as he continues to fuck you.

He’s aware he should be at least a little worried about the implications, starting at the top with how he’s going to complete the mission and ending with what exactly fucking on a cave floor means for your relationship. Somewhere in the middle is the stormtroopers and the pollen, and the oath of the Jedi Order forbidding relationships. But he can’t grasp it.

Even if there are more pressing concerns, all he can do right now is continue pushing his hips up into your soaking core painstakingly slowly. He wants to enjoy this while he can, while he’s able to fool himself that you want him back. Unless…

---

The only solace you could find in the situation was that you could have Cal, even for these few short moments. Because as much as you may want to convince yourself, a tiny voice inside your head keeps whispering: it’s all the pollen. That’s the only reason why he wants you. And you force yourself to believe the voice, because it’s easier to block off any chance for pain and rejection.

But you know you’re in trouble the second Cal opens his mouth. The words are a harsh whisper, rasping out of his dry throat into your ear, “Beautiful. So gorgeous, giving me what I need, what I want.”

You arch against him and stifle the whimper rising in the back of your throat. His mouth is right next to your ear, so there isn’t anywhere for you to escape from the words that rumble into your brain; words you try to convince yourself are empty. You shove your hand against your mouth rather than allow any sound to escape.

He moans, “Want to do this again. Don’t want this to be just once.”

“Th--that--that’s the pollen talking.” You gasp when you feel his fingers graze over your clit, your own hand drifting back to latch into his hair.

Cal hisses when you tug with a little more strength than necessary, but he doesn’t tell you to stop. One hand supports your weight as he moves you up and down on his dick, the other rubbing little circles around your clit. His hips make up for the lost strength everytime they drive up into you at the lowest point of the rhythm, squelching with every thrust.

“Not--not the pollen. All you. All me.”

You blink, all temporarily forgotten when the words register in your hazy mind. “...What?”

“Wanted this. Wanted this for a while.” Cal finds your clit with his fingers, and you can’t prevent the way your legs jerk and your body seizes against his.

Fuck you’re going to cum. If the first orgasm was a flashfire, this one is a slowly simmering blaze. It creeps up slowly, burning a hole through your abdomen, curling around your ribs and inching down your legs. Your eyes roll back, and your head falls back against Cal’s shoulder.

“Cal. I--I thi--” You try to warn him, you really do. But words aren’t forming correctly right now, and it’s all you can do to hunker down and try to prepare yourself for this truly devastating crest that’s preparing to launch you over the edge.

If Cal gets your warning, he doesn’t show it. All he does is turn his head to the side, press a light kiss to your cheek, and groan, “I think I love you.”

Oh shit. Cal’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect if he planned it. Before you can respond, hell, before you can even begin to fucking process that last sentence, you’re coming hard. Maybe it’s the whiff of pollen you got earlier, or the fact that Cal is the one fucking you so sweetly and thoroughly, or the thrill of being mere steps away from discovery, or a combination of all of it, but this orgasm certainly feels like the most intense of your life.

Spasms ripple outward through your belly, curling you up in Cal’s lap as you ride out your high. Your legs straighten and your toes curl and you clamp down hard around Cal’s cock.

Cal shouts raggedly in your ear, pulling your body close. But even as you whimper and shake on the end of his cock, you remember that you can’t make too much sound.

As if he heard you, Cal burrows his face into your shoulder, his teeth once again finding a place in your skin to muffle his voice as he cums deep inside you once more. His body shakes as he spends himself again, the spasms slowly subsiding with every jerk of his hips into yours.

‘I did hear you.’ There’s a tinge of amusement to the nonexistent voice that echoes in your mind, and you relax back against Cal.

‘Feeling better?’ You nudge him back through the Force, revelling in the feeling of his colorful presence swirling around you once again. The pollen has worn off.

He doesn’t say anything in response, only pulls you close with his arms around you. His mind pushes at yours, and you let him in. You’ve done this a million times, usually on the tail end of nighttime panic attacks, but this time is different. This is the most loose he has ever been with his Force presence, and you allow it to fill the empty parts of your mind. Wait, he loves you?

He rushes over you in the same way the tide comes back to land, calming your fear at finally understanding the weight of his last confession. He’s relaxed, and the familiar energy has a new angle to it, a new emotion you hadn’t felt before in another’s Force signature. You grasp it gently, turning it over and admiring it in the eye of your mind. What is it?

The answer rushes to you just as Cal mutters against your skin, “Love.” The same thing you’d been feeling in the pit of your heart every time you looked at Cal, everytime he kept you safe from the nightmares in his arms and stayed with you until morning, every time you made him tea and did maintenance on his gear after a tough mission.

“I love you.”

You blink up at the ceiling of the rock cave, mouth open with the words just on the tip of your tongue. But they won’t come. The words are stuck in your throat, and try as you might, you can’t make yourself say them.

“Hey.” Cal whispers in your ear, and you shut your mouth. “You don’t have to say it back. But you know that I do, and I know a little of what’s going on up here.” His finger taps the side of your head lightly. "You don't have to figure out where to go from here. I'll navigate."

‘Thank you.’ You send the words through the Force, and he acknowledges them. Yeah, you're shit at knowing where to go when it comes to feelings. But at least with Cal, you won't have to worry about getting lost alone. You sit in peaceful silence for a few minutes, before a thought occurs to you.

“Cal.” His name is little more than a weak rasp off your tongue. You clear your throat and try again. “Cal.”

He grunts unintelligibly.

“Don’t bring that seed back to the Mantis.”

A/N: I will be the first to admit that this fic was hard, because I wanted to incorporate some previous feelings into this to make it less dubcon, and I didn't feel that all plot holes were filled. But that didn't make this any less enjoyable for me, and it was fun to explore a new facet of Cal's character.

Thanks for everyone who gave me inspiration and motivation to keep pushing this through the old brain up here. Smut isn't the easiest for me:)

Taglist: @alliterative-albatross

[mohluskiepedard]

Rating ATLA Characters literally only from what I’ve seen in fandom

or: posts that probably shouldn’t be on my writeblr except I don’t have a sideblog

the context here is it’s half midnight and I have never seen ATLA except I have opinions now apparently so here we go whoop de do- 

I’m also not actually rating them like numerically that’s too much work i’m just stating opinions I know I’m a fraud

AANG

- A child?  - A son?  - he is Baby. but also. he has had It Rough  - would make the updog joke - has unspeakable power or smth and everyone says he’s better than the Korra girl who comes after him but honestly tastes like sexism to me - doesn’t kill people because he’s like twelve, right? he’s like twelve so he refuses to kill people - I stan honestly - less twelve year olds should kill people - Some people say his name WRONG and they are BAD but i don’t actually know what the right way or the wrong way is so. have fun w that yall - lived in peace unTIL THE FIRE NATION ATTACKED 

KATARA

- She is also like twelve???  - Is everyone here twelve - Cortana?? Katana?? Catbug??  - She has good hair, - Her mother is dead??? her mother is dead n she has a brother but she cares about her mother being dead WAY more than him (or apparently the entire fandom??) - Badass - She seems soft. good. sweet - she’s a water breather or whatever??? her brother is NOT but he is a meme - I love her 

SOKKA

- NGL looks like a fuckboy  - The meme brother! does not do the water things, but he has an aXe???  - dates BAMF lady - ngl until I talked to my ATLA watching friend I thought he canonically dated Zuko  - kinda mad he doesn’t - I haven’t actually seen anything about him except like. in zuko ship posts and also Suki appreciation posts - joined the white lotus not-a-cult by accident???  - dark ATLA tumblr show me more Sokka posts - is his name prounounced the same way as Soccer or isn’t it I need to know - HIS FIRST GIRLFRIEND TURNED INTO THE MOON - (AND THAT’S ROUGH, BUDDY) - He and Suki are a good ship, but also, Sokka Has Two Hands

SUKI

- the BAMF herself - she says STOP in that photo but also to sexism - Rlly all I see of her in fanon is abt her teaching Sokka to drink his respect women juice and I appreciate her doing that but also it’s sad she never gets talked about outside of what she did for a man - I hope she has other badass moments w/o him it would suck if she didn’t - she is NOT the girlfriend who turned into the moon, she is the one who didn’t - I don’t know much else about her ATLA Fandom y’all should appreciate her more

ZUKO

- Look at him... my son... - He has a good redemption arc - he and his sister are evil lesbian and redeemed gay guy??? - has a straight canon ship but should’ve been with Sokka this boy is gay - I Want To Protect Him - That’s literally it - he has a cool uncle and his dad sucks  - people ship him with Katara and I Do Not Get It that’s his sister in law except not really - “We don’t trust Zuko’s change of heart” [the next day] “so Zuko is my closest friend now,”  - His dad was like “fuck up the avatar to prove your worth to me” and Aang was like “counter argument you already have worth and we should fuck up your dad” and I think that’s beautiful - he becomes the fire man and he’s very good at it - Zuko for President 2020 - in the words of myself, half an hour ago: “ I was like "that kid with the burn on his face seems like a sad but then happy mlm who needs found family" and I was RIGHT” - took too long to find a happy picture of him :( Zuko rights NOW please - His mother’s story got compared to an OC of mine and all I can say is oh no and they deserve better based on that alone - I have had Zuko for five minutes but if anything else happens to him I will kill everyone in this throne room and then myself

TOPH

- She is badass but like also will murder you while laughing maniacally? - for some reason reminds me of Nott from Critical Role, another show I Have Not Seen - Is blind but gets more out of making jokes abt being blind than she would from being able to see - “Sight is just a cheap tactic to make weak benders stronger!!!” - Literally the opposite of Aang and has killed many people?? - She Can Tell When You’re Lying. But I do not know how and Am simply mildly threatened by this - Therapist: Toph’s ability to know if you’re lying isn’t real and can’t hurt you. Toph’s ability to know if I’m lying:  - She and Zuko.... buddies???  - if not they should be - tiny sad boy needs friends like toph

AZULA

- Evil Lesbian Culture - [BDG Voice] You committed a war crime! Oopsie! - took be gay do crime too literally - her and Zuko have accurate sibling writin except instead of “you ever want to murder your sibling for breathing in the same space as you,” being a Joke Azula took it seriously - okay but with a name like azula she should be the blue bender this ANNOYS me she should NOT be red bender - AZULa  - AZUL - IT MEANS BLUE - She was half of y’alls gay awakenings and it SHOWS - Should have maybe been redeemed too??? Jury is out no one knows - Was she gay for Ty Lee or wasn’t she I can’t tell how much of that Audio is a joke - IS SHE ALSO TWELVE??? IS EVERYONE HERE TWELVE?? IS THIS TWELVE YEAR OLD COMITTING ATROCITIES? 

UNCLE IROH

- A Good Man - Finally, Some Good Fucking [Adult Figures]  - he has the tea. literally and figuratively - Ozai is like “and I will permanently disfigure my son and throw him out” and Iroh is like “What The Fuck, Ozai,” thus voicing the entire audience’s thoughts - Literally the only adult in this that I trust - I? I love him. this is all I have to say. my love for him is unending. Some1 protect this man from all harm   - he’s Zuko’s uncle (and also Azula ig) but he does not seem related to Ozai. is it just a theme in this family that one sibling is chill and one sibling commits horrendous atrocities against your fellow human beings or  - something happened to his son???? :((((( I Don’t Want Him To Have Suffered Like This

OZAI

- A BAD MAN - Uh Oh (stinky)  - THE WORST OF THE MEN  - I do not like him - Bastard man. nasty. committed war crimes and then went “but what if - get this - i also abused my son,”  - I would like him to Not Be Like This - by Like This I mean present and alive  - :/ 

TY LEE

- She’s NOT the There Is No War In Ba Sing Se lady and I don’t know why i thought she WAS but until I looked up her photo I thought that was her  - She looks like a sweetheart tho - I hope nothing bad happens to her????  - talks about auras??? or smth??? let her vibe - She would talk animatedly to me about warrior cats if she was in my year seven class and I was sat alone and I would understand none of it but appreciate her anyway - if azula bullies her I’ll be :( at Azula and Azula will not care because she has Mommy Issues and therefore is slightly unhinged - She seems like that one kid with no trauma vibing at the edge of [every other kid having trauma] and not really getting it but trying her best - Is she also twelve?????? She maybe looks twelve

CABBAGE MAN 

- HIS CABBAGES - fulfills my favourite trope: ordinary person repeatedly has life disrupted by the inconveniences of relying on actual children to save the world - probably has a campaign post canon for letting trained adults fix the worlds’ problems in the future - or sets up the Very First Cabbage Insurance Company - look at him. he loves his cabbages so much. you go you funky lil cabbage man

ALSO THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES MOMO

- LOOK AT HIM HE’S SO GOOD - small. fluffy. big ears - Lord Momo of the Momo Dynasty: his Momoness - a Good Boy...

APPA

- he looks so soft... - he can fly but he just does it by??? vibing through the air?? motionless??? iconic - I saw that one post about mishearing it as Abba and thinking he was Aang’s dad and he looks like he would be a good stand in dad ngl - he’s so LORGE - a chonky boy - love him

that is everyone I have heard of it and if I left someone out it’s a sign that y’all should talk about em more bc I have no clue they exist put more ATLA On my Dash ig I’ll do Legend of Korra ig maybe apparently that one has canon wlw and i love me some canon wlw

[secret-keeper18]

So I’m finally watching the x-men movies and here are my comments and ratings so far. These ratings are completely arbitrary and completely based on how much fun I had while watching it. Also some great memes I made and sent to my roommates who dont appreciate it as much as you all will.

X-Men: First Class

Okay so we pirated this and there was no subtitles for foreign language, and about 30% of it is in German, French, Spanish, or Russian. So my understanding of these scenes was reliant solely on my rudimentary understanding of basic phrases, vocab, and counting in each of these languages

Watching Erik fuckin murder nazis while casually taking a drink of beer

Also I love Michael Fassbender but i feel like Erik’s character should have a german accent. Can’t complain too much though ngl

They went to a strip club and literally only looked at each other like sorry i dont make the rules but that is not heterosexual

I’m new to these movies so I hope I don’t offend any like, Mystique stans but Raven you win World’s Worst Sister. like bro doesnt wanna see ur tits out he doesnt care that you’re blue OKAY he’s ur brother. I’m just saying if my brother got shot in the spine by his boyfriend i wouldnt leave him lying in the sand to ditch him with said boyfriend idk maybe i’m just built different

Charles fuckin waits for Erik and Raven to leave before saying he can’t feel his legs. Anyways who else wants to cry? 🙃

Barely passes Bechdel test but loses points for immediately killing the only black man character and then have the only black woman character turn traitor 🤷🏻‍♀️

My guy decided to betray his boyfriend then break the woman he almost killed and then arrested out of prison. Then sometime inbetween those two events he decided “i need... a cape.” And then he STUCK TO THE CAPE for the next like forty years. Imagine being so stubborn you stick to the same purple and maroon color scheme for half your life.

Pretty gay. Friends to lovers to enemies. Utterly heartbreaking. 12/10

X-Men: Wolverine Origins

Honestly not as bad as I was expecting but that might be bc I’ve only heard negative things

This movie honestly was one big middle finger to my ADHD bc the pacing was kinda weird

Damn i hope we get Remy in the other movies his powers are hella cool in this

Deadpool who? Never heard of him he doesnt exist.

Oh yeah I think there is something called a wo-man in this movie?

3/10

X-Men

Knowing that this movie is from 2000 really made it palatable tbh. Like, surprisingly good considering it came out a month after I was born

Why do i got a feeling that Charles is gonna be so useless in the next like three movies

I forgot movies before like 2016 couldnt write women for shit. Jean is to the X-Men what Black Widow is to the Avengers tbh. Love the characters and their potential, but played with the emotional range of a teaspoon

Also Scott is pretty cool but why is his only lines about his girlfriend? Like calm down bro.

I’m so here for Dad Wolverine tbh. Like my guy really was just like:

Somehow despite having many female leads it still doesnt pass the Bechdel Test???

8/10

X2

Gonna be honest here. I was making dinner while watching this, so I was only like half present.

Bobby “coming out” to his family is just *chef’s kiss*

Kinda boring conflict ngl but I’m here for the characters at this point

Magneto murdering someone w the iron in their blood is fuckin metal as hell. No pun intended.

The moment Rogue sees Magneto for the first time since he tried to kill her in the last movie and she about to take her gloves off deceased me on the fuckin spot. Bitch really said call an ambulance but not for me.

Anyways Charles is one of the most powerful characters in the comics but he has once again been relegated to plot device in this movie. I get it, I get it, mentor character. He could fix every problem in these movies if he wasn’t such a liberal about his powers :/

I’m so SICK of the silent and dangerous Asian assassin character archetype. Yes I KNOW it was 2003 so let’s take this as yet another reminder that we need to do better

Okay ik we’re not supposed to know that Mystique is his sister yet bc it’s only 2003 and First Class wont come out for another eight years but STILL yall really left him in there to die can you NOT

Also real question: was i supposed to be sad that Jean died?

5/10

[marrys-dream-world]

if we’re bound to be something, why not together? (chapter 11)

Read on AO3

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Notes:  Double update to cheer up a bit! This chapter turned out much longer than I thought it would be, almost double the size of other chapters. No content warning, just fluff! The song "Blueming" by IU, I think this fits this chapter a lot so if you want a song to listen while you read, it's that! Day 11: Voice Mail/Phone calls. @ladynoirjuly

After their last patrol, Ladybug sent Chat Noir a link through their communicators.

[Download this!!] She sent along with it, eagerly waiting for him. 

[As my lady commands : D] He sent back almost immediately. 

That talk had been a bit of an eye-opener to Marinette. She was getting to know Chat Noir more and more each day and she treasured every bit of information she got, jealousy holding it close to chest, hesitating to write it even in her diary. He was a quiet student during class, he had a friend whose name was definitely not Sallie (ugh), his father was distant, his mother and mother-figure were out of reach. He was lonely. All this information was worrying, just not as much as what she learned that night. At that moment, with him shaking in her arms, she made a decision.

Being there for him just as Ladybug wasn't going to cut it anymore. 

This idea wasn't anything new, she had been playing with it in her mind for a while now. So when she sent him a chat room code through her communicator with other instructions and detransformed, she was fairly confident it would work. Picking up her phone, she smiles as she saw that there was already a message.

CN

My lady!! <3 <3 <3

LB

down, Chaton. :)

CN

I'm just mdlaomqnahsbsk

Is it okay, though? Talking like this?

LB

yeah, i've been testing this app with RR and it's fine, there's no way we'll leak our numbers or anything like that to each other. don't worry ;)

CN

This app is to warn each other about attacks and schedule meetings? Are you going to add RR to the chat?

LB

nah, i'll just make one for the 3 of us. this is one for us to talk and stuff, doesn't need to be about job things.  

The "CN is typing…" kept it's place on the screen for enough time for her to start getting worried. 

CN

You don't need to force yourself for my sake, bug. I don't want to bother you. 

Marinette thought about making a joke. The situation, however, didn't seem right for it. 

LB

you never bother me.

His response came almost immediately.

CN

You never texted me before.

LB

guess i'll have to learn what's the maximum amount of cat memes a person can humanely send per day

CN

Is that a challenge, my lady?

LB

;) ;) ;)

just remember to not blow up my phone, we have class

CN

I'll use my powers for good, don't worry : D

Marinette smiled and put down her phone, fixing up her bag for the next day on the chance (certainty) that she would wake up late the next day. When she picked the phone up again, there was a single text:

LB

Thank you, bug. Good night. 

He was absolutely unstoppable after that. Next morning, as she was brushing her teeth, her cell phone pinged with the telling sound from the app and she smiled as she opened the app on her phone. 

CN

Look, look, we can change each other's names.

LB

good to know

You changed "CN" 's name to "Chat-terbox"

Chat-terbox

You know me so well. Soulmates.

Chat-terbox changed your name to "lady of my heart"

lady of my heart

yeah, i should have seen that coming, that's on me. 

oh yeah, gm

Chat-terbox

Good morning <3 <3 <3

Are you in class already?

Marinette froze in place, eyes snapping to the clock. There was only ten minutes before the class started. She bolted, barely noticing if she had on the right shoes or if her jacket matched her pants. So much for being an aspiring designer. Marinette blurred past the kitchen, taking a croissant and a banana and cramming them into her mouth as she ran. She made it to the classroom in the middle of the roll call, not even stopping by the lockers.

“Thanks for joining us, Marinette.” Ms. Bustier said dryly. “Please take a seat.”

“Thank you, ma’am.” She answered, out of breath. Sitting down, she took out her tablet and noticed another message making her phone screen glow. 

Chat-terbox

Is everything okay?

lady of my heart

i made it late in class but the teacher let me in hehehe

i think she's used to it *forehead sweatdrop emoji*

Chat-terbox

Hahaha a friend of mine just did the same thing, you two are twins 

lady of my heart

let me guess… Sallie *eyeroll emoji*

Chat-terbox

I mean, yeah, but why the eyeroll???

lady of my heart

you just talk too much about her, don't you think

Chat-terbox

You sound just like Plagg.

lady of my heart

maybe bc we're right

Chat-terbox

Why does that bother you? Jealous? *eyes emoji*

lady of my heart

as if *kicks u*

Chat-terbox

You kick your partner? You kick his body like the football? Oh! Oh! Jail for my lady! Jail for my lady for One Thousand Years!

lady of my heart

since my fate is already decided *kicks u again*

Chat-terbox

Nooooooooo

A giggle escaped her mouth.

"Marinette?" Ms. Bustier raised an eyebrow. "Something you want to share with the class?"

"N-no, ma'am." She answered, face heating up. Marinette quietly put her phone away, ignoring Alya's prying eyes. 

She only opened the app again during the break between classes, moving away from a curious Alya to hang by Kim and Alíx. 

Chat-terbox

I'll assume you're actually paying attention to class, which is great. You probably need it to make up all those crazy plans ;)

SM beaten by ninth grade physics 

Hey, boo, did you see this one SM identity theory video making rounds on the internet?

Marinette frowned.

lady of my heart

there's nothing new on the ladyblog

Chat-terbox

Oh, it's not on the Ladyblog, here 

She opened the video as quickly as she could before Ms. Bustier came back, only from the sound to make Kim and Alíx burst out into laughter.

lady of my heart

i opened it in my class I hate u so muuuuuch ughhhhhh

Chat-terbox 

C'mon, boo, it was funny

lady of my heart

>: (

Chat-terbox

: 3

This time, she willingly put her phone away. 

On the next break, she tried to ignore the pinging from her phone. However, curiosity killed the cat(‘s lady).

Chat-terbox

Please don't be mad, my lady, I have written you a lengthy apology to make up for sins

File attachment: apology letter for my beloved.doc

lady of my heart

if it's another rickroll i swear to god i'll END you

Chat-terbox

You can see it's not a video, it's safe to open

Scout's honor

lady of my heart

u were never a scout

Chat-terbox

I could be!!

Please read <3

Sighing deeply, she clicked on the document. He would never shut up if she didn't. It read as:

l would like to offer my sincerest According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible…

She clicked back

Chat-terbox

Did you like it? :3

lady of my heart

…

blocked

Chat-terbox

Boo, noooooooo

After that, Marinette didn’t open the app again no matter how much her phone pinged. She wasn’t mad, not really, just a bit annoyed. Before lunch ended, she would read and answer. But now, she was stuck watching Alya and Nino play Super Penguino and make moon eyes at each other. Adrien wasn’t allowed to join them, as much as he begged his father, and she was feeling pretty bummed about that. She poked around her chicken pasta when she heard her phone playing a familiar song.

kore nani kore nani korenanikorenanikorenanikorenani-

Chat Noir!

"Is everything okay?" Marinette asked as soon as she picked up the phone. Alya and Nino, noticing her worried tone, paused their game to look at her. 

"You picked up!" Chat Noir said, cheery. "I thought you blocked me."

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Is there actually something wrong? I'll hang up "

"No, wait!" He yelped. "There's nothing wrong, I just wanted to talk. Are you busy?"

Marinette looked over at Nino and Alya, who were still watching her expectantly. She smiles reassuringly and waved them away, furtively signaling to Alya that it was Chat Noir on the phone. Her friend nodded and bumped her shoulder on Nino's. 

"C'mon, babe, let Marinette talk to her 'friend' by herself." Alya said, leering. 

"Why did you say it like that?" Nino asked, confused. Then, his eyes lit up. "Is it Adrien? Tell him I said hi!"

"No!" Marinette shouted, gaining weird stares from the other patrons.

"No, you aren't busy?" Chat Noir asked on the phone.

"No, it's not Adrien, or no, you won't tell him I said hi?" Nino asked. 

"It's another friend." She said hurriedly before focusing on the phone. "I can talk now, not that busy."

"If you're with your friends, it's okay." He said, rather meekly for her chaton.

"I'm just third-wheeling." Marinette said as Alya and Nino began another round of Super Penguins. "Why did you call? Aren't you having lunch now?"

Chat Noir chuckled humorlessly. "Yeah, I'm having lunch at home and I'm all alone, so I thought I could give you a call. Is that too much?"

"No, it's fine." She reassured. "Why are you alone? What about your siblings?"

"What siblings?" He asked, genuinely confused. 

"Uh… the siblings I assumed you had for some reason." She said awkwardly, noticing how out there she sounded the more she spoke. 

"Really? You thought I had siblings? Why?"

"Because you're just like an annoying little brother." She said teasingly, a complete lie.

Chat Noir struck her as a mischievous, but supportive older brother. The kind that sneaked you treats after midnight and comforted you after failing a math test. Not like she could tell him that, though. If he was a little brother, it would be to a stressed older sister that he admired a lot and that found him reliable in return. She dreamed about meeting them sometimes and now it seemed that they would truly stay dreams forever. 

"I would like an older brother or sister." He sighed longingly. "The closest I have is my cousin, but he lives in another country."

"Oh, sorry."

"No, it's better this way, we would kill each other if we lived together. Everyday I would have to check for poison in my breakfast."

"A true sibling dynamic."

"Yep."

"Hey, why aren't you having lunch with your friends then?" With Sallie, she wanted to tease, but held back for fear of sounding, as Tikki said, bitter. 

"My father would rather I have lunch at home." He said vaguely. "My friends did invite me to go with them to a café, but my father didn't like the idea. He only likes one of them, the rest he says are bad influences."

"Let me guess, the one he likes is Sallie?"

"I can hear you rolling your eyes, but yes."

"Well, if you ever get lonely at lunch, you can call me." Marinette said honestly. "I don't mind it."

"Thank you." Chat Noir said softly.

They spent the rest of lunch talking on the phone, even sending pictures of their food to each other (Chat's limp salad made her take a bunch of mental notes to take him some pastries next patrol). On the way to school, as she walked to the classroom, they kept talking. She could hear Chat getting on a vehicle (a bus?) and when he got to school, she was disappointed he had to hang up. After Marinette clicked the end call button, the first thing she noticed when she looked up was Alya's smug face and Nino's confused one. 

"Wow, does my bro have some competition, dude?" Nino said. "You spent the entire break talking."

"What? No, that was just a friend!"

"Yeah, a friend." Alya sing-songed, making her face heat up.

"Yeah." Marinette said firmly. "There's no competition for anything."

"Who's competing?" A sweet voice asked from behind her and she jumped.

"Adrien!" She shouted, scrambling. "N-nothing hehe."

"Dude!" Nino smiled. "How was your lunch?"

Adrien smiled, brightly. "The best I've ever had."

Marinette felt inclined to agree. 

[rockinrpmemes]

“Bad Santa” meme!

Change the names/genders/etc. to fit your muses! WARNING: [These are NOT for the over-sensitive and easily offended.]

“You’re gonna put that Santa hat on so fast that you’re gonna get fucking hat-burn.” "I loved a woman who wasn’t clean." "I said, ‘Next,’ goddamn it! This is not the DMV!" "Um, Santa?" "No, I’m an accountant. I wear this fucking thing as a fashion statement, alright?" "In case you didn’t notice I’m a mother-fucking dwarf, "Unless you got a forklift handy, maybe you should lend a hand hmm?" "I’m 3-foot-fucking-tall you asshole! It’s a matter of physics.” “Draw me a sketch of how I get him to the car, huh?" "Two-year-olds flip me better shit than you." "Well, wish in one hand, shit in the other; see which one fills up first." "I’ve boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure. But, as far back as I can remember, I’ve never ‘fornicated’ anybody." "He’s not going to say ‘fuck-stick’ in front of the children, is he?" "No! It was just a joke. An adult joke. For us, adults. It’s a joke. Just a joke." "I ain’t out there serial fornicating, trying to float my liver, drinking myself silly, cuz I can’t stand what a piece of shit I am." "I’m on my fucking lunch break, OK!?" "The manager’s going to hear about this!" ”You think you can make my fucking life any worse? Go ahead, take a shot!” "I’m an eating, drinking, shitting, fucking Santy Claus." "I’ve always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn’t notice. It’s like some deep-seeded childhood thing." "My dad was Jewish, so we didn’t have Christmas. So it was like this forbidden thing." "Little boy, don’t interfere. I am doing this for all of us!" "Leave Santa alone!" ”Things are fucked up at the North Pole. Mrs. Claus caught me fucking her sister, now I’m out on my ass.” "She lives in God’s house; with Jesus and Mary and the ghost and the long eared donkey and the talking walnut." ”Grandma, are you spry?” "Do you and Mrs. Santa have kids?" ”Sweet Jews for Jesus!” "I tell YOU how it’s gonna be. This is pricks fix!" "Uh-uh. Screw you and your kinky ass." “I don’t want an elephant anymore. I want a gorilla named Davy for beating up the skateboard kids who pull on my underwear." ”The world ain’t fair. You’ve gotta take what you need when you can get it.” “You have to stop being a pussy and kick these kids in the balls or something." "Good night, Santa. Good night, Mrs. Santa’s sister." "You steal from the store, you steal from me." ”You know what I see when I look at you? America’s got a sad future ahead of it.” "Happy Kwanza." "Want me to fix you some sandwiches?" "I don’t want any fucking sandwiches. What is it with you and fixin’ fucking sandwiches?" "I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose.” “It made me feel good about myself.” “It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I dunno, like I accomplished something." "You need many years of therapy. Many, many fuckin’ years of therapy." "You people are monsters." "There’s no joy in this for me." "I’m not talking about you taking me out, that part I get. “Do you really need all that shit? For Christ’s sake it’s Christmas." "It is Christmas but this is what we do, we get the shit. Christmas time, we get the shit." ”All three of you are in so much shit, it’s almost unbelievable.” "It’s Christmas and the kid’s gettin’ his fuckin’ present." "Doctors say I’ll soon be 100%, even with 8 bullets dug outta me, because they didn’t hit any vital organs, except my liver. Which is fucked anyway, ha ha ha." "Don’t take no shit from nobody. Least of all yourself." 

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

👀

end of year WIP meme!

send me a 👀 and i’ll post a snippet of art/writing that i never got around to finishing this year (r.i.p)

********************

Thanks @madelion82! This is from one of the many, many *hangs head in shame* @everlarkficexchange prompts that I’ve collected over the years. I had every intention of finishing this one, but then I didn’t. Sigh. The prompt is from the 2019 exchange, so I’m gonna claim that I got completely distracted by Unmasked. haha. Anyways, I made some real progress on it this year, outlined and ideas all sort of squared away, but just couldn’t get it all written. The prompt is: Everlark friends, one is a writer of romance or smut (novels, fanfiction, whatever) and uses the other as inspiration. What happens when they find out?

This one’s near the top of my priority list for 2021.

*********************

Pounding on my door makes me scream and my pulse spike. I pant and stare at the surface.

“Katniss!” He shouts and I close my eyes to catch my breath while he pounds some more. “You aren’t answering any texts. If you don’t answer the door, I’m using my keys. Fair warning!”

“I… I fell asleep,” I say and stumble to the door, unlocking and then flinging it open to reveal my best friend in the whole world, who is mercifully completely dressed. His hair may be slightly messed up, but it’s no more than what the wind would do to it on his way over. He’s also carrying a grocery sack.

“You scared me,” Peeta accuses. “The only reason you ever ignore my texts is if you’re dead or Effie isn’t happy.”

“Remind me when the last time was that I died?” He scowls at me then and I think for a brief moment that as often as he teases me for my signature scowls, he’s packing a few killer looks of his own behind those baby blues.

“I brought ice cream,” he says instead of responding to my quip and shoves the grocery sack into my torso.

I don’t know what comes over me, but I fling my arms around him, trapping the ice cream between us.

“Whoa.”

“Thank you,” I mumble into the side of his neck. I take a deep breath and then melt against him as his one arm wraps around me.

“Was Effie that harsh?” he asks, his voice now soft as silk, only making me melt further into his embrace. His hand gently rubs my back.

“No, she was just honest.”

“Okay, well. It can still be fixed then, so let’s get you working. I’ll serve up the ice cream. Let me go before it melts all over us.”

At this point, I couldn’t care less if it did. I’m just elated that he’s here and not wrapped up with bedazzled jeans Barbie. Still, something about what he said niggles at me.

“There might’ve been another reason I didn’t answer your texts,” I hedge as he plucks the grocery bag back out of my arms and leads the way into my kitchen.

“Oh?” He sets the bag on the counter and opens a cabinet. The right cabinet for my ice cream bowls. I scowl, not sure if I’m annoyed that he knows his way around my kitchen like it’s his own or that he’s being dense.

“I might’ve had a man over,” I say and even I can tell it’s petulant. He snorts and I outright glare instead of scowl.

“You don’t do random hookups. Guys have to pass an FBI background check, the friend check, the sister check, and then some kind of weird and rigorous personal checklist I swear you have locked up in your diary somewhere before you’ll sleep with him.”

“So? There’s nothing wrong with having high standards. Or being careful with your heart,” I snap as he scoops out the ice cream. “Hot fudge.”

“I’m working on it. I haven’t forgotten how you like it,” he says, ignoring my snippy tone. “So, since Johanna was pestering you only two days ago about getting laid, I think it’s safe to assume that you would not yet have a man…”

He trails off and smiles at me as my scowl deepens. “Oh wow. Hold on.”

Before I can blink, he’s got his phone out and has snapped a picture of me. “That’s gotta be the Katnissiest scowl I’ve ever seen.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” I ask and grab one bowl, only for him to snatch it back.

“Hot fudge,” he reminds me and turns to get it out of the fridge. “It means I’m using that as your profile pic on my phone from now on.”

“You’re lucky you came with ice cream,” I mutter.

[janiedean]

PLEASE tell me about sam >> the world and the rock band au.

OKAY SO:

 sam >>> the world was... originally a thing I wrote for an exchange which then I scrapped bc it got too long and I never finished it, but basically the concept was jon gets robb’s will before he’s elected LC and he accepts being kitn except he goes to sam like PLEASE SAM BE MY HAND OR I CAN’T DO THIS, and then sam was going to proceed on solving Each Single Problem Jon Could Have starting from being friends with theon to finding sansa in the vale to finding arya and sandor to basically really solving everything and it was gonna be jon/sam but eeeeh I quit when sandor showed up bc I lost track of the plot T_T HOWEVER, I WOULD LIKE TO FIND AND QUOTE YOU A BIT WHERE BASICALLY SAM DRAGGED THEON WITH HIM TO THE VALE BC HE WAS SURE THEY’D KILL HIM OTHERWISE WHERE THEON RECOGNIZED SANSA AND TOLD SAM IT WAS HER WHICH IS2G WHEN DND HAD THE SAME THING HAPPEN WITH POD AND BRIENNE IN S5 I SCREAMED BECAUSE I WROTE THIS SHIT IN 2013 OR 2014 AND I SAID WHAT I SAID

“Go, go,” Baelish says, and he looks pale as a sheet as well. At least he didn’t have anything witty to say, Sam thinks before grabbing Theon’s arm and leading him outside the room.

“Stop,” Theon tells him a moment later. “I don’t – I just need some air. I don’t think – I won’t.”

“All right,” Sam agrees before leading him towards a half-open window in the hallway.

“I’m sorry,” he says as Theon takes deep, heavy breaths.

“For what?”

“I didn’t even – how did you know?”

“Don’t you think that Ramsay Bolton would have spared me the details?” Theon whispers. “I threw up. Then. And he – he also threw at me handfuls of red hair covered in blood. I told you I could play along.”

Sam thinks that he’s going to be sick.

“But – I need you to listen to me,” Theon whispers then, his voice still shaking, as if he’s forcing himself to say what he’s about to say.

“What?”

“The Lord Protector’s daughter.”

“Yes, what about her?”

“That’s no bastard. She’s Sansa Stark.”

For a moment, Sam is sure he’s heard wrong.

“She’s who?”

“Sansa. She dyed her hair and she’s older than – well, the last time I saw her, but I lived at Winterfell for nine years. Do you think I wouldn’t recognize her?”

And it does make sense. Sansa disappeared from King’s Landing when Baelish went to the Vale, didn’t she? Sam is pretty sure of that.

“And – you saw her when I was telling that story. She looked sick. As much as I felt.”

Oh gods be good. He’s right. Sam wonders how a simple mission suddenly turned out complicated – and if Theon hadn’t been there he wouldn’t have even known, would he?

He thinks about his options.

And then he hopes that he still has some courage left and that he hadn’t exhausted it when he killed an Other.

“All right,” he whispers. “I have no idea of why she’s here, but if she wants to come with… do you think you have it in yourself to go down the mountain twice in one day?”

Theon goes pale all over again. Sam had noticed that he could barely keep his eyes open the first time.

“What’s the plan?” he asks.

“I’m asking her. If it’s true, and if she’s here against her will… well, I already know I’m not getting Baelish’s men. And I’m sure that if I came back with his sister Jon – I mean –”

“You don’t need to call him His Grace,” Theon says, and he sounds almost amused. Barely. As much as someone like him can sound amused. “I couldn’t call Robb like that either.”

“Fine. Jon would like that better than an army, I think. So, do you think you can do it?”

Theon shakes his head again and then looks up at him. “I don’t think that I’d ever want to do it again, but just the fact that you asked first makes me think that I can try it.”

Well then, Sam thinks, that’s settled.

like excuse me but what the fuck

rock band au: okay so I had written this rock band au for jonc/brynden for that last prompt meme I took which I should finish one of these days but like then I was doing this chalenge and I ended up writing a sequel for it where they’re touring with theon who’s like the opening solo act for their band and him and jaime argue in the changing room also theon is with robb who’s the long suffering agent and theon wants jaime to hit on brienne who’s like going to all the concerts and it’s actually finished but I really need to revise it and see if I can put it together with the other one, at the end of it theon and robb had a moment™ backstage while jaime and brienne got together post-concert but here have a snipped or more:

“You know that girl that always is in first row, Lannister?”

“I do, Greyjoy. I very well damn do, and is there a reason you’re gloating at me now?”

“Just saying,” Theon says, and Jaime thinks, don’t finish that sentence, don’t finish that sentence, don't finish that sentence, “that while the time for groupies is over, I mean, supposedly so, considering that you invite her backstage every other moment and that she’s been at each single show of this tour, maybe you could invite her.”

“Can it,” Jaime groans, “no way. I’m not —”

“And why not? Come on, I’ve opened for your band for the entire last month, we drove through half of this bloody fucking country and I know for sure that you’re the only person in it that’s not getting any, and seeing your pretty face, it’s honestly baffling.”

“And since when do you care about how much I’m getting? Are you volunteering?”

Theon laughs, dark hair falling all over his shoulders as he fixes his leather trousers in front of their shared changing room — yes, this venue is so shitty that they have to share rooms in between bands, and fine, Theon’s technically a solo act but he does have a band, and he hopes the others are not being too cramped because their room is so small they can’t even change at the same time. He nods, pleased with his hair, definitely, and then goes to grab a black shirt from his bag and puts it on without closing it. Guess this is the night where he plays with his shirt open making sure his poor manager dies of frustration.

Robb Stark is a saint, Jaime thinks sometimes, because to manage this guy, you really need to have an insane amount of patience.

Good thing that they never needed one and Jon always took care of it, but still.

“I mean,” Theon says, “in the ideal world, I would, but alas, I know that it’s not meant to be. For one, I’m not your Kinsey scale one —”

“How the fuck do you know that?”

“What, that you’re a one or that I’m not it?”

“Both, for —”

“I mean,” Theon goes on, “you obviously aren’t a zero or you wouldn’t stare at your bassist’s ass, and honestly also at your guitarist’s, and I wouldn’t exclude, you know, that you three might have had a go at it at some point —”

“That never happened!” Jaime protests, not that he hasn’t entertained that thought once or twice, but still, he doesn’t bat for that team, as a general rule. He just hates that Theon has apparently figured him out that easily.

“Regardless,” Theon goes on, “you’re a one, but if those two are your type, considering they’re both older than you and ginger and blue eyed and I’m not either of that, I think I’m not it. Also, no way you like pitching.”

+ throbb snippet

“So,” Theon says, as he drags Robb towards the back exit, “I might have told Lannister that I’d leave him the changing room for the night.”

“… What,” Robb says, following even if he’s trying to slow him down, “he finally decided to fess up to that poor girl?”

“Oh, that’s to be seen, I just gave him the chance to,” Theon shrugs, “which is why we’re taking a cab and going to the hotel at once.”

“Wait,” Robb says, “we should —”

He never finishes the sentence because Theon presses him against the wall and kisses him and fucking hell, Robb would like to just give in and let him and actually he would like to grab Theon’s shoulders and press him against the fucking wall, except —

“We should wait until the Kingsguard is done,” he breathes, “you agreed to sign those records, but it has to be with them. And people paid for it.”

“Oh, of course, ever the correct person —”

“Theon, I’m your fucking manager, you picked me, it’s not like you can exactly skirt around — obligations,” he groans when Theon sucks a bruise into his neck.

“Right, right, so you’d rather stay here and wait two hours instead of running to the hotel with me? We could make it, you know, if Jimmy Page and Robert Plant could —”

“It’s not the fucking seventies,” Robb groans, wishing Theon would just not press, even if fuck but now he really feels like he’s going to come in his trousers like a fifteen year-old and the fact that he’s definitely been wanting to kiss Theon at least since then is not helping, and yet —

“Really? I missed that memo.”

+ jb snippet

“Sure,” she says, reaching out to grab it, and then she swallows — “You know,” she said, “you sounded… more intense today.”

“Did I,” he says. “How?”

She shrugs, her large shoulders barely slimmed by the black band shirt sporting his face that she’s wearing, and fuck if it was weird being the face of the merchandise, except that it had to happen.

Fucking Targaryen.

“I’m not quite sure,” she says, “just… there was a difference? In the good sense, though. You felt… more immersed, not to say that you’re not usually, it’s just… I don’t know, I felt like crying more than once.”

Oh.

Well.

“Maybe,” he sighs, “I had a conversation with Greyjoy before that made me realize a few things,” he goes on. “I suppose. I don’t know,” he shakes his head, “I just… you’ve been listening to us since before Rhaegar fucked off, and I just — I guess it just sank in that I’m not going back to my former job anytime soon.”

“Can — can I say I’m not sad that you aren’t?”

“You can,” Jaime shrugs, “it’s just, it felt a bit too much. I never signed up for that.”

“But you sing those songs a lot better than he did.”

“Not the first person that told me that, today.”

“But it’s true. He just — he was good. But you just have a whole other delivery.” She blushes, guileless blue eyes staring into his, and he thinks of how she told him that his songs made her survive high school and some kind of ridiculous bet her supposed friends made about her fucking v-card and he just — fuck. She’s so nice. She’s the kind of nice person you wouldn’t presume listens to his fucked up lyrics, and yet.

And yet she does.

[tomurakii]

Okay so I already did my freak out meme post about this spoiler scan, now it’s time for analysis!!!

So immediately, the first thing that comes to my mind is the white hair. I’ve always thought Touya had white hair and I prefer him with white hair in art/fics, because I feel like it makes more sense with the specifics of his quirk than the red does. That’s just personal opinion though.

Secondly, is the inevitable fact that it seems pretty clear that Touya is dead. In the spoiler chapter translations I’ve seen, this panel shows up when Enji himself goes to their alter and says something about a dream he’d been having (one where his family is happy but he isn’t there) and he says that he wants to know what he can do to fix it, and that he wishes Touya was there. This, coupled with the recent panels of Fuyumi praying, makes it seem pretty clear that they think he’s dead.

Now, when it was just Fuyumi, I’m sure we all thought that maybe Enji just covered up his escape/his life in general and that Touya went on to be Dabi, or perhaps Geten. (I do not like the Geten theory at all, I mean if Touya had had both quirks like people claim in that theory then none of the other children would exist, Enji would’ve stopped at the perfect creation.)

But now that we know that Endeavor seems to legitimately believe his son is dead—he was alone in this scene, there wouldn’t be anyone to pretend for—I cannot for the life of me think of some kind of situation that would allow Touya to be alive. If he’d escaped the hospital, Enji would know. If he was still alive in the hospital, people would visit him instead of praying to a picture that seems nearly 20 years old (depending on Touya’s current age, though I like to think he and Fuyumi are twins) in their house.

Based on recent panels, I’m legitimately concerned that Touya is just dead, that Dabi is just a random angry black-haired dude who has some similarities to a deceased Todoroki, and that Geten is just some equally angry ice bitch with similar ideals to the current number 1 Hero.

Finally, is this really the best picture they have of him? Around 5 or so years old, not smiling, how old was Touya when he “died?” We can assume that he’s around until at least Shouto’s burn scar since he’s there playing soccer and falling over, but past that I don’t believe we get an appearance, since the ages of the kids in this:

panel aren’t confirmed. We know Touya is meant to be the oldest sibling, but if we take into account the twins possibility then he would currently be 23 at minimum, and probably 27 at maximum, since Enji wouldn’t wait very long past quirk manifestation to pump out the next child. That makes him at least 8 years older than Shouto, or at minimum 13 years old at our last confirmed time in the Todoroki household.

So again, why is this the picture they’re using? Surely when praying to your deceased son/brother, you’d want the most recent picture you could get, right? Well, I have a potential answer to that: Touya didn’t look very good past the time this picture was taken.

Touya’s health is an issue that’s kind of skirted around, we never find out for sure exactly how sick he was, or exactly what his cause of death ended up being. Of course, there’s his quirk, his stunted growth, he seems extra skinny too, but other than that we don’t get info as to why. Most people assume he “died” in the fire that caused his burns, but there’s always the possibility that those burns came earlier. I mean, looking at this panel, he seemed pretty healthy and unscarred at this point, catching up to his sister in height, he looks okay.

Except we don’t see his face. We’ve never gotten to see his face until now, perhaps the reason they use this photo at the alter is because upon the manifestation of Touya’s quirk, the scarring from his training was so bad that they stopped taking photos, or perhaps the more recent photos are simply too painful to look at. Maybe it went exactly like that, quirk manifestation, burns, sickness, “death.” Maybe he died in a ball of rage-fueled fire in the Todoroki household like so many people seem to like to say, maybe they all watched him pass slowly in a hospital bed. The situation he was in would be mentally and physically taxing for a regular person, imagine the strain on a person who’s already injured and weak.

I’m honestly just spitballing here, but this one scene brings up a lot of theory fodder for Touya. I’m honestly a little terrified because it really seems that Touya died, but we’ll have to hold out for the next little bit of info.

[bobbystompy]

91 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2020

Below are my favorite quotes from 2020. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.

1) “You don’t have to be new to make new.” - Rick Rubin

2) “He put the beat on and go to sleep then wake up with a verse.” - The Lox

3) “Every opinion is bad.” - Blink-155

4)

(via Twitter)

5) “At the start of every disaster movie, there’s a scientist being ignored.”

6) “Be brave enough to suck at something new.”

7) “Comedy is the only job you can have where you can use everything you know” - Robin Williams via Dave Chappelle

8) “What’s the worst swear word where you live?” - Josiah Hughes

9) “Cookies are a really great way to get everybody to like you for a short period of time” - YSAC

10) “The worst dancer at a wedding is the one who’s not dancing.” - John Mulaney

11) “I never saw the end of the tunnel. I only saw myself running out of one." - Kobe Bryant

12) "A good movie begins as you're walking out of the theater" - Ethan Hawke

13) “When I was young and starting in cinema, there was a saying that I carved deep into my heart which is, 'The most personal is the most creative.’ That quote was from our great Martin Scorsese.” - Bong Joon-ho

14) “Run to the rescue with love, and peace will follow” - River Phoenix via Joaquin Phoenix

15) “Thank you -- I will drink until next morning.” - Bong Joon-ho

16) “Men will bury their emotions for decades and then take it all out on children tubing while they drive the boat.” - @krauter_

17) “They help you with the dumb face stuff, but they don’t tell you how to fix it” - Adam (Nate’s friend), on having older sisters

18) “We all had our connections, but it’s not the details themselves that matter, it’s the feeling behind them. There are a million coming-of-age tales. Lady Bird’s secret sauce is how deeply its creator gave a shit. The older I get, the less I care about anything but the sense of a filmmaker’s personal connection to the material. It doesn’t matter what it’s about, what genre it is, or whether it’s genre at all. I only really care that it feels like something the filmmaker had to tell me, and that it was that filmmaker in particular who had to tell it. It has to answer the ‘why are you telling me this’ question, and not just why are you telling me, but why are you telling me.

Lady Bird is a movie that feels like only Greta Gerwig could’ve made. And it’s only because it’s so specific to her that it can be so meaningful to so many people.” - Vince Mancini

19) "I have cast some lonely votes, fought some lonely fights, mounted some lonely campaigns. But I do not feel lonely now.” - Bernie Sanders

20) “Ever hear a Beatles song you haven’t heard before?”

21) “Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now.” - Charles Bukowski

22) “You shouldn’t have to hear a band to know if they’re good or not” - Josiah Hughes

23) “I was raised by OGs.  Some of you were raised by IG.  I understand.” - Ice-T

* * *

[Here is where I note the line of demarcation that was the COVID-19 pandemic hitting the US, pushed forward by Tom Hanks’ announcement, the NBA and NCAA shutting down, and, then, the nation itself.]

* * *

24) “There are decades where nothing happens, and there are weeks where decades happen.” - Vladimir Lenin

25) "Taken together, this is a massive failure in leadership that stems from a massive defect in character. Trump is such a habitual liar that he is incapable of being honest, even when being honest would serve his interests. He is so impulsive, shortsighted, and undisciplined that he is unable to plan or even think beyond the moment. He is such a divisive and polarizing figure that he long ago lost the ability to unite the nation under any circumstances and for any cause. And he is so narcissistic and unreflective that he is completely incapable of learning from his mistakes. The president’s disordered personality makes him as ill-equipped to deal with a crisis as any president has ever been. With few exceptions, what Trump has said is not just useless; it is downright injurious." - Peter Wehner

26) "Epidemics have a way of revealing underlying truths about the societies they impact." - Anne Applebaum

27) “A funny thing about quarantining is hearing your partner in full work mode for the first time. Like, I’m married to a ‘let’s circle back’ guy — who knew?” - Laura Norkin

28) 

(Jojo Rabbit)

29) “The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. - Deadwood: The Movie

30) “All bleeding stops eventually.” - Deadwood: The Movie

31) “Our Father, which art in heaven… / Let him fucking stay there” - Deadwood: The Movie

32) “It’s like a power outage, but we still have power” - Ryen Russillo, on the pandemic

33) “Whenever Sox baseball returns, it’ll be weird to not have Farmer on the call any more. The relationship between a fan and longtime announcer is always built in the little moments. One afternoon, he’s the soundtrack as you clean the garage. On another night, he’s your bookmark for the game as you stand in line for churros or walk down the ramps at Sox Park to try for better seats in the 100 level. A voice like Farmer’s becomes so familiar that you only really notice when it’s no longer there.” - Kevin Kaduk, on the passing of Ed Farmer

34) 

(via Twitter)

35) “In my songs, I try to look through someone else’s eyes, and I want to give the audience a feeling more than a message” - John Prine

36) “Observe everything. Admire nothing.” - Generation Kill

37) “Trump, by that definition, has always been a wartime president -- always willing to sacrifice people he doesn’t know to things he only sort of cares about” - David Roth

38) "Whenever they speak Michael Jordan, they should speak Scottie Pippen." - Michael Jordan

39) "Fiction is a bridge to the truth that journalism can't reach." - Hunter S. Thompson

40) “Airlines sending me “we’re in this together” emails. When my suitcase was 52 pounds I was on my own.” - Mike Dentale

41) “Sometimes you can be the worst source of your own story” - Ryen Russillo

42) “Family is not necessarily blood, but instead who you would bleed for.”

43)

(via Twitter)

44) "This is the deal that Jordan made, knowingly or unknowingly — that he would trade everything he had for everything he wanted. And then, when he won all those things, he found that he had nothing but that.” - David Roth

45) “I’m brand loyal, but the brand doesn’t matter” - Caitie Miller, on why she doesn’t like generic peanut butter

46) “NOBODY shitposts Gene Hackman!!” - Mark Dehlinger

47) “When a man concludes that any stick is good enough to beat his foe with—that is when he picks up a boomerang.” - G.K. Chesterton

48) “You can be appalled forever, but shocked only once.” - Jeff Weiss, on early Eminem

49) “Whether I’m pessimistic or optimistic, the fight’s the same” - David Simon

50) “Freedom can never be completely won, but it can be lost.” - Bernard Simon

51) “Racism in America is like dust in the air. It seems invisible — even if you’re choking on it — until you let the sun in. Then you see it’s everywhere. As long as we keep shining that light, we have a chance of cleaning it wherever it lands.” -Kareem Abdul Jabbar

52) “In a racist society, it is not enough to be non-racist -- we must be anti-racist.” - Angela Davis

53) “Start as close to the end as possible” - Kurt Vonnegut, on creative writing

54) “You can’t stay woke all the time — that’s insomnia.” - Dr. Cornel West

55) “No, I get it. I’ve dated a lot of Geminis.”

56) “The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.” - John Krakauer, Into The Wild (via Tyler Keller)

57) "I couldn't show them my For You because it's pretty much just lesbian stuff and depression memes" - Maggie Loesch, on showing TikTok to her coworkers

58) "It's 1 a.m. in Slovakia and I've already had one bottle of wine and I don't know how long this press conference will go, so good luck to me." - Marian Hossa, following his NHL Hall of Fame announcement

59) “All I want in life is to go on an Anguilla group trip” - Mandy Gilkes

60) “You miss old friends when you don’t see them, but you miss them more when you do.” - Chuck Klosterman

61) “The only way to appreciate the present is to pretend it’s already the past.” - Chuck Klosterman

62) Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh, never mind You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth Until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked

(”Everybody's Free [To Wear Sunscreen]”)

Second time that essay’s been quoted on this list.

64) "I mean, it's just human nature to suck up to the people above you, crap on those beneath you, and undercut your equals” - Brian, Family Guy

65) “You never quit a job. You quit a manager.” - Brian Bedford

66) “All the pictures in my house are of people I’m not friends with” - Tracy Cunningham

67) “In order to leave something behind, you have to leave.” - Dr. Herman, Grey’s Anatomy

68) 

(via Twitter)

69) “You can obsess about death if you don’t have to obsess about dying.” - Brendan Kelly via “White Noise”

70) “If it’s right to do, it’s wrong to wait.” - Andy, doorman 

71)

72) “When I'm sometimes asked when will there be enough [women on the Supreme Court] and I say, 'When there are nine,' people are shocked. But there'd been nine men, and nobody's ever raised a question about that.” - Ruth Bader Ginsburg

73) "America is mostly people who’ve never left their state saying we have the best country in the world." - Billy Wayne Davis

74) “A writer is someone who knows at least 80% of their writing sucks.” - Gabe Hudson

75) 

(via Twitter)

76) “You’re dead twice” - Brendan Kelly

77) “Perfect is the enemy of good” - Voltaire (via Zach Lowe)

78) “I don’t want to be a savior, I want to be a mirror.” - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

79) “I get bad Twitter FOMO but not real life FOMO. That just goes to show I need to get off the Internet.” - Josh Thomas

80) “Is there anything you love in life that you engage with seriously that you don't also engage with humor?" - Sam Sutherland, on his relationship with Blink-182

81) “My favorite genre of music is my friends' bands" - Josiah Hughes

82) “Let’s fall in love like both our parents aren’t divorced.”

83) “Seabiscuit may be the only earthling that was on both sides of the stamp.” - Brendan Kelly

84) “There’s no shame in coming in second, except in, like, wars.” - Family Guy

85) “I feel like I experience writer’s block 100% of the time, and when I do write, I have impostor syndrome.” - Phoebe Bridgers

86) “We teach based on what we most need to learn.” - psychologist on Grey’s Anatomy

87) “Having too many choices is the leading cause of stress” - Grey’s Anatomy

88) “I think we've all gravely underestimated the extent to which this year has changed all of us, permanently” - Kelli Maria Korducki

89) 

(via Twitter)

90) “I wonder if people understand why they don’t have polio” - Sandra E. Garcia

91) “Ending songs is terrible, so let’s keep singing” - Dave Hernandez

[amyscascadingtabs]

✨creator tag meme✨

i’ve been tagged in this by @feeisamarshmallow @dolston17 and @arnies-bitch and i love doing these every year (self love!) so, even though this year has been a year of far less fic-writing for me for various reasons... here goes ❤️

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

listed chronologically in terms of date published;

💫 i’ll walk through hell with you

i know i chose this one last year as well, BUT, i did write and publish the two-three last chapters of this in 2020 so i’m including it again. i’m so freaking proud of this one. it was an experience to write and i did SO much research and i had such fun with it. writing the two last chapters was such a high and i remember i wrote the sixth one in like three days where i just couldn’t stop. it was also the last fic i wrote and published with my original peraltiago kiddos leah and olivia santiago-peralta and it was lovely to get to say goodbye to them in style. plus the way i literally predicted trying.. my mind ❤️ (i do have a document of the similarities and how i worded it vs how the show did it... if any fan of this is curious)

a favourite quote: 

But what I was actually trying to say was…” Jake blushes, and she can tell there’s a moment of emotional sincerity coming. “I’m with you. I know that. I also know that as long as I’m with you, all the bad stuff is survivable, and all the good stuff is a million times better. And I’d rather have hard days with you, and Lee, and I guess soon whoever this is,” he holds his hand to her stomach through her sweater, “than good days with anyone else.”

“Me too,” she snivels, having to wipe the tears on her shirt sleeve because of course, this is making her cry. “How’d you get so wise all of a sudden?”

“Married you,” he shrugs. “And had kids. Also, I got hella old.”

💫 paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

was this possibly the only fic i wrote this year that was (almost) baby-free? probably. i blame it on season 7. but yes; i wrote a fic about rosa dealing with her breakup from jocelyn and it was great fun and made me want to write even more rosa (which i did!). she’s just great, and writing her with amy is incredible. plus, i got such amazing guidance from @vernonfielding with this one which i think truly brought out the best in this story. 

a favourite quote: 

“I hate it,” Rosa mutters. “I didn’t get a fucking choice. I never knew how much of a difference that made.”

“Well, now you know. It sucks. But...” Amy leans her head to the side. “Maybe that’s a good thing, too?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If it hurts, that means it mattered, right? If you miss something, then there was something to miss in the first place. It means you opened yourself up and built something of meaning with someone. I know that doesn’t make it easier -”

Rosa snorts. “No, it doesn’t.”

“But it might mean that something can matter again,” Amy says, fixing her eyes on Rosa’s. “Someday. Even if it feels impossible right now.”

💫 bracing for the winds i always summon

we all know i love some sweet amy content... this was one of the things i wrote early on in covid quarantine life, and it brings out a lot of memories. i do still consider going back and editing the last parts so they can fully agree with canon, but i’ve not had the energy quite yet. either way, i’m really proud of the way i wove canon and minor episode details into this one. we got such limited pregnant amy content and i wanted more! i’ve reread this one a ton of times, because it’s just.. satisfying to me. i answered a lot of my own questions in it. filling in the holes!!

a favourite quote:

She’s felt protective of this life since the day she found out about it, but it’s a great and positive change to be able to feel like she’s starting to know the child she’s protecting. She doesn’t know his name, although it keeps being debated, or what he looks like aside from the gray-and-white sonogram pictures, but she knows he’s most awake at night before they go to bed and that he moves like crazy to the sound of Jake humming renditions of his favorite Taylor Swift-tunes to him, and it feels like the most important information she’s ever known about someone.

Maybe she’s okay at making babies, Amy thinks. She’s wholly certain this child is too good for her, is still worried he’ll be taken away at a moment’s notice, but right now he’s here, and he’s making her want to try her best.

💫 (three times ‘cause) i’ve waited my whole life

i didn’t write very much this summer for several reasons, but what little motivation i had for writing, mostly went to this one. it was originally meant to be for father’s day and i published it in september, so i missed out slightly there, but i’m still really proud of it. writing jake and his feelings about fatherhood is something i’ve always enjoyed so much, and this was 13k words of doing just that. i’m proud of so much in this fic, and i’m really happy i actually finished it in the end. god i love jake and baby mac ❤️

a favourite quote:

Jake is amazed by how much better fatherhood has gotten with time. It was always the most amazing thing to ever happen to him, but it was so different when his son was a newborn. Mac was rarely awake for the first weeks, and when he was, he was either stuck to Amy for feeding or crying because he was overtired or needed his diaper changed. Jake always loved his son, but for the first month or so, he felt pretty useless around him. The daily attempts at bottle-feeding, and the precious times Mac fell asleep against his Jake’s chest as they walked around the apartment at night, had made up most of their bonding time together. It was still wonderful, and Jake can miss the time when Mac actually stayed where you put him, but in the end, it’s got nothing on what fatherhood is like at eight months in. Now, Mac interacts with them, laughing and smiling and trying to babble gibberish back at them when they talk to him. He’s always on the move, like he’s anxious to miss out on anything the world has to offer if he sits still for too long. Judging from the way he’s currently trying to use the tree next to them to get up to a standing position, Jake wonders how long they’ve got left until he’s walking. It’s clear that Mac has his own personality now, no longer just traces of it hidden in a newborn’s constant needs, and every day of fatherhood seems to bring a new adventure.

There had been a time when Jake wasn’t sure if he wanted this. Little did he know, it’s better than anything he could have dreamt.

💫 when all your heroes get tired (i’ll be something better yet)

last but not least, my second sleuth sisters fic of the year and second rosa fic too! i’ve thought about writing this since i watched lights out; i love writing rosa and amy so much and it’s always fun to write jake and amy from someone else’s perspective, especially as i think the choice by the show to have them keep their pregnancy private when everyone had already figured it out was so interesting. i love supportive rosa and i love the relationship she’s going to have with mac and i love her secretly loving babies. they’re so cute it’s fucked up!!!! anyway, yeah; i love writing rosa and this was such a fun challenge.

a favourite quote: 

There’s a tenderness even to the way she speaks to him, like love is packed into each word. Rosa thinks of the way Amy hid her pregnancy for months in fear that something would go wrong, and how scared she was that giving birth under less than ideal circumstances would somehow make her a bad mom. She doesn’t seem as scared anymore. Rather, there’s an air of quiet confidence over her when she’s holding him, and it’s moving to see.

“Slow down, McClane,” she whispers, thumb stroking over his cheek. “I know you’re hungry, but if you keep going like that, you’re going to puke, okay? We’ve been through this.”

“I’m proud of you,” the words spill out of Rosa, and Amy blinks.

“You’re proud of me?”

“Yeah, I’m proud of you.” A shy smile flutters across Amy’s lips. “But if you ever have another kid, I’m not going near you a month before you’re due, okay? I’ll transfer precincts or something. Never again.”

Amy laughs, but Rosa just stares at her, and she goes silent. “Got it. Cool. That’s fair.”

tags 2019/2018 ❤️

i’m tagging @johnny-and-dora, @letsperaltiago, @amydancepants-peralta, @b99peraltiago and @nessa007 to do some self love over any creations this year you're proud of ❤️❤️❤️

[everythingisgayandnothinghurts]

Hey!! I have a prompt for tarlos... a college au where Carlos has a girlfriend and he slowly realizes he’s in love with his gay best friend Tk 🤔 idk sounded like a good idea haha

Hope this is okay and not too choppy.  Warning for underage drinking since I don’t picture these guys as 21 yet.  Other than that this is just a little fluff piece I hope you guys like.  

“Who has you smiling like that besides me?” Iris Blake asked with a smirk as she slid into his passenger seat.  Carlos clicked his screen black like he had done something wrong when in reality he was only texting his roommate.  True, it was borderline sexting, but he hadn’t crossed a line and if he showed the messages to his girlfriend she would probably just laugh it off anyways.  

“Just a meme,” Carlos lied far too easily as he tucked his phone back into his pocket.  “You decided to stay in uniform?”

“I know a skirt this short gets your attention,” Iris still wore her smirk as she crossed her legs so that her cheerleader skirt would ride up even higher.  “Plus, what jock doesn’t want to fuck a cheerleader?”

“You act like you have to try to get me to want you,” Carlos told her with a smile as he laid a hand on her thigh gently.  “Does Michelle need a ride?  Is she coming?”

“She’s coming straight from the game,” Iris told him as he slowly pulled away from the curb and headed toward the post-game party.  “How does it feel to finally have that winning shot?  You’ll be point guard next year for sure.”

“It felt pretty amazing,” Carlos admitted as he fought a blush thinking about what those texts had promised him if he managed to score the point guard position.  He had to stop texting his roommate things he should be sending his girlfriend.  He had been with Iris for three months now, and it was good.  She was smart as well as sexy as hell.  She knew how to have fun, but was also a girl he could bring home to meet his parents if need be.  Basketball camp had brought them together right before he had moved in with his new roommate for the year and he tended to wish those two events had been switched up.  It was further complicated since if he ended up hurting Iris he would also offend his best friend.  Tben again, if anyone had seen TK Strand without a shirt they wouldn’t blame him.  Those abs begged to be licked with those tight muscles and pale skin.  He wasn’t a blind man even if he did have a girlfriend.  

He pulled up to the house already bursting with people milling on the lawn and around the backyard by the pool. Carlos could swear he felt the pavement thrum from the bass coming from the house as he got out of his car.  He followed Iris into the house and quickly had a drink pushed into his hand upon arriving.  This was supposed to be the night to celebrate his team, and he planned to enjoy it to the fullest.  

He found his way to the backyard where most of the party goers had congregated.  A pool glistened in the dim lighting as a stereo pounded out music in one corner.  A large group had started dancing in one part of the yard and his eyes locked onto TK almost immediately.  He was dancing with another guy, hips grinding together and of course he had already lost his shirt.  TK’s hands were all over the guy’s chest and neck as he moved his body to the music.  It was definitely indecent and almost obscene, yet Carlos couldn’t tear his gaze away.  He wanted to be the one those hands were roaming over desperately.  He wanted to see miles of pale skin without sharing with anyone else.  

“Your roommate knows how to dance,” Michelle commented as she appeared next to him with her hair pulled up high and a drink in her hand.  “He almost makes me want to join in.”

“Michelle on a dance floor?” Carlos forced himself to stop staring and focus on his best friend.  “That’ll be the day.  He does make it look easy.”

“Iris will drag you out there before long.”  She threw back the rest of her drink and grinned at him.  “Maybe then your eyes can focus where they’re supposed to.”

Carlos flushed a deep red at being caught staring, but Michelle didn’t; seem to be as angry as he would have imagined.  She looked amused more than anything else.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“He’s pretty, anyone with eyes can see that.  You’re bi and you aren’t blind.”  Michelle shrugged but then fixed him with a heavy look.  “If you’re going to switch teams, at least let Iris know first, okay?  He’s gorgeous I’ll give you that, but if you cheat on my sister I will beat your ass.”

“Noted,” Carlos nodded to her and tried to stop staring at the dance floor where TK had switched partners when a new song blasted through the speakers.  

He really wasn’t trying to be a bad person by staring at his gorgeous roommate.  TK was so much more than his looks and Carlos had had no idea until they had roomed together.  He was sweet, kind, and cared so much about his family.  He had demons darker than anything that Carlos had faced, but he still found it in himself to be kind to anyone in his path.  They spent hours watching movies together and they were nearly inseparable at this point.  He hadn’t meant to develop feelings for him, but nonetheless the sight of another guy’s hands on TK was driving him crazy.  

“Well, you made it over here after all,” TK’s drawl brought him out of his thoughts and he snapped his attention to green eyes that sparkled with amusement as the sun quickly set over the horizon.  

“I told you I would,” Carlos defended with a small smile.  “I’m a man of my word.”

“Unless you get distracted by long, pale legs right?” It felt wrong to have TK joking about him hooking up with anyone else, even his girlfriend.  “Good job on the winning shot, Mr. future point guard.  People will be talking about that for the rest of the year.”

Again the texts came back to his mind of what TK had promised he would do if he made point guard for the team.  “Yeah, thanks.”  

A beat of silence fell between them before a song with heavy bass kicked in and TK’s eyes lit up in excitement.  Their eyes met instantly and Carlos knew what his best friend was going to ask before the words tumbled out of his mouth.

“Dance with me?” TK begged, going so far as to tug on his hand.  “I promise I’ll try to behave.”

“The trying is what scares me,” Carlos replied dryly as he let himself be dragged over to the throng of bodies moving.  TK predictably dragged him right to the middle of the group and Carlos could see nothing but those green eyes as he started to dance.  True to his word TK was keeping it rather tame at first with a good few inches between their bodies.  Carlos had seen TK dance with several men since they had met and his usual style was to try to become one person on the dance floor.  TK’s pants were riding low on his hips and Carlos wasn’t sure when his desire to feel that warm skin became an action, but before he knew it he was cupping one of TK’s hips in his hands and pulling him closer.  TK wore a smirk as he took the invitation to close the small distance between them and grind their hips together along to the beat.  Sweat ran down the back of his neck as he gave into his whims and wrapped TK in his arms, able to smell him even above all the other people surrounding them.  TK felt so good in his arms and the more Carlos got of the other man the more he wanted.  He ached to taste that sweet milky skin, but he couldn’t do that to Iris.  He wouldn’t cheat on her no matter how he felt about the man in his arms.  

He darted away from TK halfway through the song, unable to take the temptation.

He knew his roommate would follow him.  He knew TK cared about others far more than he ever cared about himself.  TK cared about him and that was the entire problem.  There was more than just the physical attraction.  They truly cared for one another and that was why Carlos was so confused.  

“Carlos, wait!!” TK called as Carlos darted upstairs and in an instant they were alone in an empty bedroom.  TK watched him carefully as he slowly closed the door so they could have some privacy.   There was a hint of a blush on TK’s pale cheeks and Carlos noticed he had found his shirt in his mad dash to chase after him.  It made it easier to focus with all skin covered up once more.  

“I’m sorry,” TK apologized and his eyes were wide and full of regret.  “I tried not to…  I know you’re with Iris.”

“I am,” Carlos agreed as he slowly sat on the edge of a bed.  His heart was still trying to calm down to a normal rhythm after being so close to the object of his attraction and subject to some dreams he would never admit to while alive.  “I’m not angry at anyone but myself.”

“I know I’m too much of a tease,” TK bit his bottom lip and it sounded like he was rehearsing a line from a movie.  Which meant he was parroting a line from his ex, and that was never good.  “I just….  I mean, there’s something here, right?”

“The dancing wasn’t one sided,” Carlos assured him, unable to get the warm tingling to fade from where his hands had touched TK’s skin.  “You’re smarter than me TK, I know you know how I feel.”

TK’s face went a shade of dark pink at the simple compliment.  “I know you love to watch me dance.  I thought I was imagining it most of the time though.  I’ve been trying not to make it harder for you.”

“Ty,” Carlos used his name rarely, but something about his tone and his words were off here.  He knew Alex had messed with TK’s self worth more than would ever be admitted to.  “You know I like you for so much more than the way you look, don’t you?”

The silence as TK looked off to a corner of the room told Carlos that TK really had no idea how completely beautiful he was that had nothing at all to do with how he looked.  “You mean you don’t want to just sleep with me?”

“I’m falling in love with you,” Carlos got out with his voice shaking and his heart pounding.  “You’re beautiful in every single way.   I just… I like Iris and I wasn’t sure how you felt.  I didn’t know if you would want me.”

“Carlos, you’re a ten,” TK blurted out with wide green eyes staring straight at him.  “Who wouldn’t kill for the chance to be with you?  You’re kind and popular and funny and sweet.  Everyone likes you and I never thought you would want something real with someone like me.”

“We are both blind idiots,” Carlos got up from the bed to step close to TK and take his hand gently.  “I want to kiss you.”

“No arguments here,” TK supplied quickly as his lips quirked up in a smile.  

“I need to have a talk with Iris,” Carlos told him with a soft smile in return.  He kissed TK on the cheek gently with a squeeze to his hand.  “I need to make sure things are okay with her before I can freely move onto something with you.  I don’t want anything with you to be tarnished by something I can prevent.”

“You really want to be with me? The whole deal?  Dating and whatnot?” TK looked shocked that someone could want that from him and it made Carlos’s heart ache that too many people had made TK feel like a plaything instead of like a person to be valued and loved.  

“I can see so much with you Tyler,” Carlos said softly as he brought a hand up to cup TK’s cheek gently and brush over it with his thumb.  “I can hardly wait for us to begin.”

He broke away from TK and knew that while the conversation with Iris wouldn’t be easy, it would be so worth it to have that beautiful boy to be all his. 

[socksual-innuendos]

Fallout OC Companion Meme

Ok so I’m redoing this and adding perks and personal quests. General is up top, companion quest is under cut.

Name: Emilia Vazquez

Location: Atomic Wrangler

Emilia can be hired as a companion after completing the side quest “Strangers in the Fight”

(art by @courierspikeee​)

Companion Wheel

I think we should travel together: “Oh, you really want me to come along? No promises I’ll behave.”

Use Melee: “So you want to see an old lady get her ass beat. Haha, so would I.”

Use Ranged: “Don’t worry if I disappear, you don’t have to see me to know I’m still around.” /  “Good idea, the further I am the better I work.”

Open Inventory: “Ayayay! Use your own pockets and don’t bum off me!” / “Ah, the Lord has blessed me with a companion that will carry my shit for me— no? Well, worth a try.”

Stay Close: “Trust me, you do not want me up your ass”

Keep Distance: “Listen, whatever you’re smelling, it wasn’t me”

Stealth: “Aah, my specialty.”

Back Up: “Oh? You want to stand here? Fine.” / “My knee only works in so many directions, mijo/a”

Be Passive: “Your call, but when things get hairy I’m doing best for me.” / “If I hear shots, I will start shooting. Never doubt this.”

Be Aggressive: “Shoot them before they shoot us? That’s the most sound thing I’ve heard from you.” / “Good, they’ll be dead before they even know we’re there.”

Use Stimpack: “You ever need anything stronger, hahaha, you let me know...” // “Aaah...I could use another of those.”

Wait Here: “If that’s what you want. No promises I’ll still be here when you come back.” // “If I bore you, just say so.”

Follow Me: “Oh so now you want me back.”

Send her to the Lucky 38: “Perfecto. I’ve been wanting a shower.”

Send her Home: “Alright, you know where to find me.” (can be found in the atomic wrangler)

Injured: “Aagh, my other knee—!” / “I’m not getting paid enough for this...”

Death: (before personal quest) “I can’t...not yet...” / “Aaah, sorry Camila.” -- (after personal quest) “Always knew I’d die on the job—“ / “Mi renacuajita— mama will see you soon.”

Aggression: aggressive

Confidence: brave/foolhardy

Assistance: helps friends and allies

Perks

Like the other companions, Emilia has a starting perk that is replaced by another depending on how the player completes her personal quest.

Desierto salvajísimo: Weird things happen in the desert and with Emilia by your side they just got weirder! Something was definitely in that peyote...(Compounds on Wild Wasteland perk.)

Should the courier convince Emilia to apologize to her sister, she will gain Thy Brother’s Keeper perk.

Thy Brother’s Keeper: When the player falls below half health, Emilia will prioritize enemies around the player and gain a 25% damage increase.

If the courier convinces Emilia to let go of her sister, she will gain the Gone Rogue perk.

Gone Rogue: Stealth kills now do 25% more damage and enemies lose interest faster while sneaking. 

Drops

El Silbón - Emilia’s sniper rifle. Unscoped shots have a 25% increase to critical chance.

Tattered Journal - A small journal that contains memoirs and recipes. Who is it for?

Froggy Grenades - Smoke bombs painted to look like frogs. Activating them will halve the chance of limbs being crippled and lower time it takes for enemies to lose sight of the user.

Quests and Recruitment

Strangers in the Fight

“You’ve been tipped off about an assassination that is suppose to happen tonight at The Aces. You aren’t sure who the mark is, but you’d gain some reputation and caps if you prevented their death.”

The courier can approach this quest in two ways. Either they hunt down the assassin or figure out who the mark is and warn them. Should the courier try and hunt down the assassin, they will be knocked unconscious backstage and fail the quest. Should they chose to investigate and warn the mark, the mark will thank them and leave The Aces that night. Later, the courier can find the mark dead in an alley the morning after they complete the quest. In either case, the quest will complete and the next time the courier enters the Atomic Wrangler they will find Emilia. Walking close enough to her will trigger an audio clip where she drunkenly berates the courier for causing trouble ‘the other night’. 

Talking to her will give the courier a few options of dealing with her. Without perks, the courier can initiate dialogue that will lead to either recruitment or casual conversation. Recruiting can be done in two ways, either the courier can hire her for 300 caps or pass a speech check of 55. Passing the speech check makes her a permanent companion and allows the courier to access her personal quest, while hiring must be repeated if the courier dismisses her. If her health drops too low while on the road, she will dismiss herself and return to the Wrangler. If the courier has the terrifying presence perk, they can start a bar fight with Emilia in which killing her will not net a large loss in karma.

When she is recruited as a permanent companion her personal quest becomes accessible. To trigger it, the courier must complete quests for the ghoul Camila found in The Aces. The quests can be completed prior to recruiting her, but they must be completed to Camila’s approval. Once Emilia is recruited, a new quest from Camila will be available. Completing it requires Emilia to be in your party and when turning it in Camila will comment how her sister “Can’t seem to stop looming” and needs to let her “find her own way”. She will request that the courier doesn’t bring her around the Tops again, but thank them for their time. Officially, this is the start to Emilia’s personal quest.

 A Tale of Two Sisters

“It seems as though Emilia is experiencing some family troubles. She’s not the type to open up about things, but if you travel with her she may let details slip. Keep her in your party and don’t push things.”

To do Emilia’s quest, the courier must keep her in their party when completing certain quests around the Mojave. Quests do not have a specific order to be completed in, however turning them in before acquiring Emilia as a companion will lock out completing her personal quest.

In Memoriam

“Elaine and her family are survivors from a Legion raid. Lately her eldest son has been closed off and she’s worried it’s because they left his father’s possessions behind while evacuating. Head down south to their old farm and see if you can find anything to bring back.”

Within the Bitter Springs camp a refugee named Elaine can be found. Talking to her reveals that she is worried about her son, who has been closed off since they evacuated their ranch. She says although their family was lucky enough to get away in one piece, she had lost her husband a few years prior. Their son was particularly close to him and he would often ‘talk’ to him after his passing. Since coming to Bitter Springs, those talks have lessened and he’s grown more distant. She suspects that their abrupt move caused some disconnect. Go down to what remains of their ranch and find something of her husband’s to bring back.

Heading southeast of Novac, the courier will eventually find a pillaged farmhouse. Going inside, the courier can pick up either a journal, a pocket knife, or a charred Dinky Dinosaur. Taking any will complete the objective, but each gives a slightly different dialogue when returning to Elaine. She will explain the value behind each item and thank the courier for their help. The quest will complete but to trigger the dialogue with Emilia, the courier must talk to Elaine’s son. He will recognize the courier and thank them, opening more dialogue options to talk about his father. Completing all dialogue paths and then talking to Emilia will allow her to comment on the boy’s outlook of grief. She will chastise how freely he talks about his father to the strangers, saying that loss can’t be fixed by just remembering someone and how it isn’t worth upsetting oneself again. The courier can respond to her in two major ways. They can either agree with her, saying that repressing grief is the only way to reign it in or they can try to convince her that closure sometimes requires vulnerability. 

Take Us Back

“Change is nature. Some accept what life hands them, while others push back.”

Take Us Back can be a quest obtained by talking to a server named Charlie in the Ultra Lux. When talked to, the Courier can chose a dialogue path where she will tell them that she heard the news about Primm and that she is glad the town is now safe. Talking with her more, she will confess that she is worried about a friend who lives in Primm and that she has yet to hear from her since the attack. The Courier can then offer the check up on them, to which Charlie will express surprise that they would be willing to be so charitable with their help. The Courier can say they are either happy to help, or that they weren’t intending on doing this for free. Charlie accepts either option, and the Courier receives the quest Take Us Back.

The quest will take the Courier to Primm where they will meet Atta and her wife. The Courier can tell Atta about Charlie and her concern, to which Atta will say that she intended on sending a letter but that she had missed the last courier that came into town. She will be grateful for Charlie’s concern and that the Courier came to check up on them. Atta will then ask that the Courier take her letter back to Charlie, and will give them a small amount of caps for their trouble. The Courier can then pass a barter check to get more caps from Atta. If the Courier talks to Emi after this exchange, she will sarcastically mention how sweet it is that the Courier is passing notes around in class.

Upon returning to Charlie, she will read Atta’s letter and grow annoyed while reading. The Courier can then inquire as to what is upsetting Charlie. and Charlie will then bitterly remark that Atta always mentions her spouse, how those two are inseparable, and that it is the spouse’s fault that Atta moved to Primm. The Courier can then tell Charlie she needs to reevaluate herself and to pay up which will end the quest, or they can pry further. If asked, Charlie will admit how much things changed since Atta met her spouse, and that she has always been bitter at being second place since. She will then make a comment about how if she could get rid of the spouse, things might go back to how they were. The Courier can ask how serious she is about that comment, and she will mention that if she could find an assassin, she’d be very serious. The Courier then has the option to accept her offer, or lie and pretend to accept her offer. 

If the Courier chooses to lie, they are given the option to tell Atta about the plan. Although she will not believe it at first, the Courier can pass a small speech check that allows them to convince her. She will be shocked, but thank the Courier for warning her. If the Courier takes the job they can kill Atta’s spouse anyway they chose so long as they do not get caught and do not kill Atta. Either choice requires the Courier to return to Charlie and tell her what they have done. Both choices lead to Atta sending Charlie a letter, though what is said will differ.

If the Courier decided to tell Atta, her letter will tell Charlie to never contact her again, and Charlie will become angry at the Courier for lying. Whatever the Courier says, Charlie will remain angry, and tell them to leave. After, if the Courier talks to Emi, she will joke that Charlie had it coming for being so trusting of strangers and that she should have been smarter about interfering with others’ lives. The Courier can either agree, which will end the conversation with Emilia laughing, or they can explain that people have lives outside of others and that should be respected. 

Should the Courier follow through with the assassination, Atta’s letter will tell Charlie about her loss, and that she is considering coming to stay with her a while after funeral preparations are made. Charlie will thank the Courier, saying how glad she is that things will go back to normal after this. The Courier can talk to Emi afterwards, and she will make a comment about how she’s seen similar scenarios in the past, and that they never work. If the Courier asks what she means, she will say that murder can be a tool to fix things, but often its just a wrench being thrown at a broken water pipe. She will then say that she can’t blame Charlie for feeling the way she did, that she too understands what it feels like to have someone slip away, but she will be critical of how Charlie handled the situation saying that its better to prevent change before it happens as once it does things hardly return to how they were.

Friends Like These

“Problems don’t have to be dealt with alone. In times like these, it is nice to have friends.”

This quest requires that the Courier has taken Raul through his personal quest. It doesn’t matter which path Raul took so long as Old School Ghoul is completed. Travelling with Emi for a while after completing either Take Us Back or In Memorium will trigger her to talk to the Courier. She will say that she’s enjoyed their company despite not being fond of companions and will mention how travelling has been her entire life. She will then go to say how things seem to be coming to a slow in her life but that she isn’t quite ready to retire yet, and the thought of such an abrupt change leaves her anxious. Emilia will then joke, asking if the Courier could ever see her living a mellowed life, and the conversation will end. 

Later, with Emilia as a companion, if the Courier talks with Raul a dialogue option mentioning a friend will appear. Choosing this the Courier will tell Raul about Emilia and he will joke about the introduction, asking what brought it up. The Courier can say that they thought those two would get along, and Raul will make a few more jokes. Ending the dialogue here will progress the quest, though a few more options will be present. After, Emi will comment on the introduction, joking that she can find her own hookups. The Courier can then say that if she is worried over retirement, to talk to Raul. She will consider this, and thank the Courier for remembering their conversation. After a time, Emilia will talk to them, again thanking the Courier for introducing her to Raul. 

Completing a Tale of Two Sisters

Once the courier has completed the three quests, Emilia will ask to talk with them. If the courier accepts, she will inquire about them, asking if they’ve ever been responsible for someone before. The courier can say yes, no, or that they don’t remember, and Emilia’s response will depend on what is chosen. Ultimately she will come back to asking the courier what they thought of if they weren’t needed or wanted. The courier can ask if this is about her sister, and Emilia will get defensive, but confirm that is who she’s referring to. The courier can ask for details, and Emilia will tell them how she has been responsible for Camila’s well being for most of her life but recently she has been asserting her independence more and more. Emilia confesses that while she knows her sister will have to survive without her and is glad that she is finding her own way, she herself feels lost. The courier can then pry more, and Emilia will admit to expressing her frustrations through anger at her sister and that this is causing the strain on their relationship. If the courier tells her to apologize, Emilia will get defensive and end the conversation, but if they say that perhaps their relationship is coming to an end, Emilia will sadly acknowledge it and ask to be left alone. Later, regardless of what was picked, Emilia will ask the courier if they meant what they said. The courier can either say yes or change their answer. If the courier confirms that they think she should apologize Emilia will thank them, saying that she will need to think more on what to say to her sister. If the courier reassures her that all relationships eventually see a close and that this might mark the end for theirs, she will reluctantly agree with them and say that she needs some time to come to accept this. 

Depending on what the courier chose, Emilia will gain a new perk. If the courier tells her to apologize, Emilia will gain Thy Brother’s Keeper perk. Later, the courier can talk to Camila in The Aces and she will thank them for their help, saying that she’s ready for both of them to start healing. If the courier tells Emilia to let her sister go, she will gain the Gone Rogue perk. Camila will not be in her usual spot in The Aces after this and if the courier asks Tommy Torini about her, he will mention that she has asked for time off. 

El Silbón

“Legend tells of a lost spirit who wanders the world searching for revenge. His presence is only announced by a whistle.”

Upon killing Camila, the courier receives this quest with no map marker. If the courier had Emilia in party while attacking her sister, she permanently leaves the courier and can no longer be found at The Wrangle. For the rest of the game, the courier is being hunted. Emilia becomes a hostile random encounter that does not make herself known aside from a quiet whistle before she attacks. She will not stop attacking until the courier is either dead or they drop her health below 2/3, in which she will drop a smoke bomb and disappear. Emilia will continue to hunt the courier down until she is dead. Hiring a companion will lower her encounter rate, however if she is aggroed by more than one NPC she will try to escape. Upon killing Emilia, she will have three special items on her possession and two randomized chems. Her special items are her sniper rifle (El Silbón), a Tattered Journal, and Froggy Grenades.

Ending Slides

If Emilia dies (and El Silbón is not activated)

The life that had claimed so many had finally met its end, but for all Emilia’s infamy there was still one who mourned her. Camila grieved for her sister and all the things that were left unsaid between them but, refusing to let loss consume her, continued singing at The Aces. 

If Camila is killed (and Emilia is not killed in El Silbón)

The Wasteland doesn’t discriminate in which lives it takes, and neither did the Courier. Camila, killed within the safety of New Vegas walls, left behind a distraught sister. Unable to handle the loss of her only remaining family, Emilia was overtaken by grief. She squandered what caps she had at the Wrangler and when her debts became too much to repay she was found overdosed in a Freeside alley.

If Emilia is killed in El Silbón

With nothing else to live for, Emilia hunted the Courier down. The murder of her sister was a trespass to be repaid in kind, but the assassin was not invincible. Unable to best the Courier, Emilia fell in battle. For all her anger and pain, she could finally find peace in death.

If Emilia’s personal quest is never completed

Despite all that the sisters had been through, New Vegas had strained their relationship like none before. Camila, though wishing to assert her independence, could not shake the control her sister had on her life. Once their business in the Mojave had been completed, Emilia left the Courier’s company, uprooting her sister once again to wander the Wastes. Although she had once held hope for a future, Camila no longer felt that ambition and remained silently by her sister’s side.

If the Courier sides with Legion and...

Completes Emilia’s quest, telling her to make up with her sister

Seeing that the Mojave was no longer safe, Emilia uprooted her sister one last time. Fleeing north, then east, Emilia’s age caught up to her when the pair reached Indiana. Still determined to keep her sister safe, she pushed on further until they reached the Ohio-West Virginia border where the two were then ambushed by raiders. Overwhelmed by their numbers and worn from her travels, Emilia fell in battle with her sister following suit.

Completes Emilia’s quest, telling her that she and her sister should part ways

Despite the courier’s words that their paths were diverging, Emilia would not let her sister remain in New Vegas when the Legion took the Dam. Uprooting her once more, Emilia led her sister north, then east. Determined to not be controlled by her sibling any longer, Camila fled when the pair reached Minnesota. With her age catching up to her, Emilia was unable to track her sister down. Camila had finally found her freedom.

If the Courier sides with NCR and...

Completes Emilia’s quest, telling her to make up with her sister

Although NCR occupation of Vegas did not sit well with Emilia, it assured that her sister would remain safe. While Camila would go on to be a beloved addition to The Aces, Emilia’s infamy grew with the NCR forcing her off The Strip. Undeterred by her bounty, the assassin would often sneak back into Vegas to enjoy the night life, frequenting The Tops to hear her sister sing. 

Completes Emilia’s quest, telling her that she and her sister should part ways

Although NCR occupation of Vegas did not sit well with Emilia, it assured that her sister would remain safe. Employed at The Aces, Camila was able to support herself and was a welcomed addition to The Tops. Taking the Courier’s words to heart, Emilia slipped out of her sister’s life, allowing her the independence she so desired.

If the Courier sides with House and...

Completes Emilia’s quest, telling her to make up with her sister

With Vegas safe from either NCR or Legion influence, the sisters could focus on resolving things between them. Emi, realizing how much independence meant to her sister, finally eased the grip she had on her life. The two were able to come to an understanding and for the time being the pair could call Vegas home.

Completes Emilia’s quest, telling her that she and her sister should part ways

With NCR and Legion no longer a threat on Vegas, Emilia could finally take the Courier’s words to heart and slip from Camila’s life. Although no longer side by side, the sisters both remained in Vegas. Camila continued singing at the Tops while Emilia continued her work and havoc in Freeside. While Camila grew to be a beloved addition to The Aces, Emi went on to grow infamous, leading her to being incarcerated several times.

If the Courier makes New Vegas independent and...

Completes Emilia’s quest, telling her to make up with her sister

Along side New Vegas, Camila celebrated her own independence. Now free to follow her own path she became a beloved addition to The Aces. Emilia, though still afraid of what the future would hold for them, proudly watched as her sister blossomed. For the two siblings, Vegas could be called a home.

Completes Emilia’s quest, telling her that she and her sister should part ways

With Vegas free to rule itself, Camila continued her career at The Tops.  While happy for her sister, Emilia took the Courier’s words to heart and removed her presence. But, no matter how far she traveled Emilia would find herself back on The Strip, sitting in the crowd at The Aces listening to her sister sing.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #304

“she’s got a hold on me  /  maybe she is just what they want me to be”

How many foreign friends do you have? Only one that I know of that actually immigrated into America in their life. I think. In which countries do they live? She was born in Asia, either China or Japan. What was your dream birthday party as a kid? I either wanted to go to the skating rink or Chuck E. Cheese. Have you ever come up with your own game? As a kid, definitely. Whose hand did you hold last? Probably my niece's or nephew's if they were taking me somewhere. What was the last thing you planted? Habaneros, I think. Do you have a green thumb or are you all thumbs with plants? I don't really try with plants because I'm not interested in the maintenance. What or who was the last thing you gossiped about? Does telling your therapist about another person and what they do to stress you out count? lol Any books on your night stand? Wings of Fire: The Brightest Night. Would you ever consider going vegetarian? I was briefly one, but I had to introduce meat back into my diet because I just hate too many foods needed to keep me healthy without meat. I would love love LOVE to go vegan, but I just can't. When's the last time you helped a senior citizen somehow? Probably holding open a door for someone in a wheelchair. What's the most selfless act you have done? I don't know... Maybe letting my mother use all my Christmas and birthday money (which was a lot) to take care of bills to keep us from being evicted and losing the car. She was going to pay me back, but then cancer happened. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? No. What makes you feel lucky? The fact I have a roof over my head, food on the table, access to water... That kind of stuff. Never take it for granted. How many Lidls are there in your town? One. Last time you went to Ikea, what did you buy? I don't believe we've ever bought anything from there? But I wouldn't really know. How do you like your favorite beverage? Really cold in a can, heeeeell yeah. What's your big family secret? We don't really have one. What did you think you were good at, until you saw someone else do it? I remember thinking I was the "gifted" artist in school until I met my acquaintance Cailin in the 5th grade, lol. She is SO talented. What is something nice going on in your life right now? My partial hospitalization program is going well. I'm getting more comfortable with talking via things like Zoom, it's a good opportunity for me to socialize with like-minded people almost every day, and I ADORE one of the teachers so much so that I want him to be my normal therapist. I have never in the entirety of my life felt less judged and more cared for from any therapist before him, and it's almost supernatural how easily this man reads people. You could twitch a certain way and he picks it up. I'm ready for him to teach more of the sessions. What was the pinnacle of wealth to you as a child? The idea of owning one of those toy crane machines, haha. If I saw one in a store, I would like beeeeg for it. I remember I cried once when I came across one I adored, it was just too expensive, lol. I did eventually get a little one, I think. What's something that you hate, but can't live without? My meds. What skill do you not talk about, because you feel it sounds like bragging? I don't really brag about anything I think I'm good at because I feel bad about it and don't wanna emit a "better than you" vibe. Who's the worst person you've encountered on the Internet? Ahhh, a lovely "friend" nicknamed Shakes. God she hated me. If death wasn't a consequence, what would you try? Probably ride a motorcycle. I'm too scared to risk the possibility of crashing, and those wrecks are nasty. What's the dumbest thing you've heard someone say? There's this one video of a TV show host thinking the moon was a planet and it was just- What is the worst smell you can remember? This smell was forever branded into my memory as if it was fuckin trauma. When my late dog Teddy had a massive, infected cyst near his ~you know~ and also wore diapers because of incontinence with his age (also keep in mind he had a UTI we couldn't afford to fix, and that smells bad enough), changing the diaper he would wear overnight could, swear to God, be enough to make you puke. It literally came to a point that I personally could no longer do it. It sounds so so bad and selfish, and it probably is, but Mom had to do it before she left and came home from work; she's way less fazed by stuff like that than me. Yes, when we had the money, we got the cyst removed. What song gets better the louder it gets? Only like, every song I enjoy. The louder the better until it becomes obnoxious to others. What's the biggest inconvenience that does NOT ruin your day? Having to pee at like an unnatural frequency? haha What's something everybody should know how to do? Cook... which I don't know how to do. What is a great movie no one knows about? I'unno. I don't really know the success level of most movies unless you see stuff about it everywhere. What type of person could the world use less of? Rapists, pedophiles, monsters like that. What makes you tingle? I have this odd reaction to rubbing my hand while someone is holding it???? idk why????? What’s the best Wi-Fi name you’ve seen? Oh MAN, I wish I could remember 'em all. I've seen some goodies. What's easy to learn, but hard to master? God, it's pathetic that my immediate response is related to a video game, haha. Then again it's such a common idea that it's basically a meme in the World of Warcraft community. So, playing hunters in the game. They're argued to be one of the - if not the - easiest classes in the game that requires little to no skill, while as a hunter main, I disagree with the second part firmly. I don't know about the other specializations because I don't play them, but at least in beast mastery, it takes focus and thinking ahead to master your rotation for optimal damage and just to generally be a skilled player of the class. Not to mention you need to watch your pet(s), too. What's something you've changed your opinion on? Wow, LOTS. Tons of political ideas, like my stance on gay rights, transgender folks, etc... If you had a refilling bowl, what would you want it to contain? For some reason my mind immediately jumped to fresh strawberries. I'm picky with the firmness of fruit, so I won't eat them if they're older because ew. If your bedroom had three portals to anywhere, where would they lead? I mean this in the least creepy way possible, but Sara's house so we could actually hang out, Dad's house so I could see him more, and then uhhh South Africa to regularly see meerkitties. You can ask any author one question about their story. What do you ask? Oh, I dunno. I've got some for writers of other media, but I guess by "author," you mean this is for books exclusively. If you have caffeine late in the day, does it cause you to struggle with your sleep? Shit, I wouldn't even know because I essentially always have caffeine in my system. I don't believe it affects me. When you struggle to sleep, what do you do instead? Keep trying to sleep, or more common than not, I do exactly what you shouldn't do and get back on the laptop for a while. Who was the last person you spoke to for the first time? How did you come to speak to this person? My most recent therapist in the PHP. I love love love him. The therapists rotate the days they teach, and he was the last one I met. Are there any TV shows from your childhood that you still watch today? I'm not opposed to it if I actually watched television. Do you enjoy buying gifts for other people, or do you never know what to buy them? If I actually have the money to, omg yes. I honestly do think I create or buy very thoughtful gifts, and I just really enjoy reminding other people that I love and think about them. Who were you with the last time you went out for a meal? My sisters, Mom, and I went to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday dinner. That place has come to oust Olive Garden as my favorite restaurant, haha. What’s the last thing you watched on TV? Is this a programme you watch regularly? I believe it was this amateur cooking show called Nailed It!, I think it was, with my mom when I sat in the living room with her for dinner one night. Do you have a favorite documentary subject (eg. nature, celebrities, history, crime)? Absolutely animals. Does having to wear a mask stop you from doing anything, just because you dislike them or find them uncomfortable? Do not fucking talk to me if you're anti-mask. If I set foot in public, I'm wearing a mask like a goddamn considerate human being. Do you prefer zip-up or overhead hoodies? Overhead. I really dislike the appearance of zippers on them. If you have a yard or garden, how much time do you spend out there? N/A When was the last time someone bought you flowers? What was the occasion? I think it was the first time Tyler came to my house. This was quite a few years ago. When was the last time you stayed overnight away from home? Was this with friends, family or in a hotel somewhere? What was the occasion? Hell, I'm pretty sure I haven't slept over anywhere since the last time I was visiting Sara, which was like, two years ago. What’s your favorite period to learn about in history? What got you interested in this particular era? The Renaissance; I always found it to be an attractive subject, art being in its "glory days" and all. My Art History course in college really hooked me in. What is the smallest thing you lose your temper over instantly? Homophobic bullshit. What's a job that doesn't get enough respect? As others have said before me, teachers might just top the list. The shit they gotta put up with for so little pay... What did you take for granted until you visited another country? I've never left America, so I wouldn't know. Who is your favorite scientist and why? I don't have a favorite; I don't know nearly enough about any. Do you prefer emoticons or emoji? I'm from the emoticons era, so I'm biased, haha. How did you meet your pet? Roman was the kitten of one of my sister's mother-in-law's females. They have quite a cat problem and wanted to adopt the kittens out, and Mom knew I desperately wanted a cat, so there we go. One day when we were over there, she showed me the kittens, and Roman caught my eye instantly with his beautiful blue eyes. Venus, I "met" via the Morph Market, a reptile hub website for selling, as the name implies, reptiles that are generally morphs of their species. I was clicking through the genes, keeping my price ceiling in mind, and really fell in love with champagnes, and I thought Venus in specific was just absolutely beautiful. I officially met her as a little thing mailed to me, and she was and still is just the sweetest. I wanna point out that when I chose Venus, I hadn't the slightest idea that champagnes harbored "the spider gene," as otherwise I would have avoided adopting her and feeding the market. Regardless, I love her to death and wouldn't trade her out. Did/Do you have any PEZ dispensers? I did as a kiddo, yeah. Do you enjoy erotic stories? If so, do you read them or write them? No; they make me really uncomfortable. When writing RP, some scenes can get sexual, but I have my limits for sure and know when to stop writing and just time-skip. If you had to choose, which one would you rather have: a pet or a baby? Keep the baby away from me. Gimme a plains hognose or tarantula, please. ^Why did you choose the one you chose? I don't want kids at all but would love the mentioned animals as pets. Do you live with your parents or on your own/with a partner? I live with my mother. What's the car of your dreams? I don't have a "dream car." Have you ever witnessed something or someone die? Animals, yes. Has anyone ever told you that you snore or talk in your sleep? I don't snore, but I talk a LOT. Do you have any houseplants? No. Are you more on a laptop or a desktop computer? I only have a laptop, and I prefer them for portability's sake. If you could do absolutely anything, what would you like to do the most? Entirely leave behind my anxiety, probably. Or PTSD. Do you think your parents raised you well? Yeah. Dad didn't really take much part in "raising" us/enforcing rules and stuff, but hey, my sisters and I wound up being good people. Do you have a Facebook? Yeah. Do you know any of your neighbors? Definitely not well. We haven't lived here long at all. Does/did any of your relatives have an interesting, nowadays unusual job? I'm sure somebody does. Have you met your ideal partner yet? I think so. Have you had a serious relationship yet? If so, how many? Yeah, two. Do you enjoy books, magazines or comic books the most? Books. Are your parents old-fashioned or up-to-date about certain things? Dad is more old-fashioned I think, while Mom is pretty up-to-date. Do you or did you at some point keep a diary? I very briefly did on a few occasions. I always had a journal I wrote in during all my hospital stays. Have you ever upcycled trash into useful items? I remember I once followed this craft idea on Animal Planet where you turn a milk jug into a bird house. We never got any birds in it, though. Which color Skittle do you like best? The only right answer is red. What’s your favorite element? Of the classic four, fire. If you had your own radio show, what would it be like? YIKES, I don't want one. Don't make me talk in front of (through a radio or not) people. What has been the biggest surprise you’ve ever gotten? An "impossible" breakup over Facebook Messenger lmaoooo. Is there a holiday you can’t stand at all? There aren't any that I "can't stand," but I do hold at least some degree of dislike of ones bastardized by religion. It's disrespectful as fuck. Who is your favorite person in the whole world? My mom. Has there ever been an activity you became obsessed with? I was definitely obsessed with RPing in my early teens. Like, I ALWAYS wanted to be writing it. What has been the strangest place you ran into someone from your past? I can't think of an occurance. What is something people tend to come to you about? Anything related to English and grammar. If applicable, what's the furthest you've traveled because of a hobby? For purely a hobby, definitely not very far, partially because I can't drive or afford travelling via plane or whatever. Do you have souvenirs from other countries? If so, what and from where? N/A What do you do when someone is talking to you about something you don't care about? Pretend to be interested to avoid being rude. Do you have Photoshop installed on your computer? Yeah. Do you put lotion on after you get out of the shower? No, but I need to. Has anyone ever given you a promise ring? No. Do you have any bruises on you? Yeah, on my shin. When getting in Ash's van the other day, I hit it against the thing that helps you step up into the vehicle. Because of my muscle atrophy, I, and I am not kidding, can barely manage to absolutely yank myself up there. And mind you, her van isn't even very high up at all. My legs are just that damn weak. Any changes in appearance lately? Gaining weight is fucking lovely. Who was the last person to call you babe or baby? Probably a gal friend commenting on a selfie or something on Facebook. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Sometimes. Do you actually care about other's problems? Probably too much for my own good. Have you ever gotten a teddy bear from someone? Besides my mom, I don't think so.

[i-am-parsec]

                                                                                                              11/02/2020

Hey, so...I had a bit of a crisis a couple days ago and now I’m here, writing again. I think I can still picture your smug look whenever I’d admit I was “wrong”, even if my memory is very unreliable these days, I can still see it and I know for a fact that’s the look you’re giving me right now. You little shit.

Um, they are probably not gonna like reading that. They don’t like it when I “pretend I can actually communicate with my missing, most likely already dead ex husband”. Weird, right? Like I don’t see how that would disturb them, ha.

I suppose I now should explain to you who “they” are. I’m talking about my doctors, Dr. Richard Willson and Dr. Alexandra Freias, who, little fun fact, my sister hired solely on the basis of her being 1. A woman and 2. Latina. I guess she thought I’d “bond” better with someone who looked more like, but the funny bit is that Dr. Freias’ mother is Russian and she looks like a photocopy of her mother. What I’m trying is that, not only was my sister’s idea dumb, she also did a terrible job at executing it because my doctor looks white as hell. She is nice, though, and I’m grateful about that. And no, Dr. Freias, I am not writing that just so you’ll forgive me for destroying your brand new phone yesterday but yes, I am very sorry about that, or at least as sorry as I can be these days and I promise my dumb sister will replace it as soon as possible.

I’m gonna have to get used to the idea of these letters having a bigger audience than before. In the sake of my little agreement with my lovely health professionals, I’ll be open and honest and admit...I don’t like it, it makes me uncomfortable to share this, my only safe space, with people who are basically strangers to me, but I am aware this decision was taken for the sake of everyone's peace of mind. When I’m writing, I’m focused, more relaxed, less prone to spiral down after Dr. Willson gives me a mocking look and sighs at the mention of your name, Chase, so this is a good thing: I get to talk to you and my doctors get a bit of insight on what’s going on inside my mind without me losing my shit and breaking everything around me, something they claim to desperately need.

I am a woman of my word, so I will continue this little daily exercise if that is what everyone thinks is best for me, even if I can’t help but laugh at the idea that this might give them any kind of extra data about me or you or anything related to this mess our lives have been for the past couple of years. I’ve already told them everything, from the very beginning. They refuse to listen, I refuse to give in and spew the nonsense they are trying to feed me instead of the truth I already know, then we all get frustrated and eventually...we start the cycle again. Circles, we are just going on and on in these fucking circles and it does annoy me, but I guess I have accepted it to a certain degree - I’m stuck. This is my life now, an eternal retelling of the hell I’m trapped into, while being trapped within said hell. 

I am lost here, Chase, lost and blind. But I keep moving, even if I know how it is all going to end, I still walk. I walk towards you, mi amor. You are my North, my compass in a world without poles, paths or direction. Ever since we were kids I’ve been doing that. You gave me purpose in a pointless world, a home in a deserted land, a glimmer of Hope among absolute darkness...so I’ll do my part, I’ll take my medicine, I’ll go to my appointments, I’ll write my letters. I’ll be good, I swear, for you, for the kids, for my sister - who bends over and backwards for me, even if I can’t seem to forgive her-, hell, even for my doctors, who refuse to actually listen to me but also refuse to give up.

Oh, before I go, in case you were wondering why I had the mental breakdown: I was telling the doctors about our wedding and it hit me that it was the 31st. I got quiet for a second, a bit teary and informed them that that day would have been our ten year anniversary. I laughed when Dr. Freias pointed out that we got married on Halloween and told her it was on purpose, that you love this holiday so much that you begged me for months to let you proclaim your undying love for me in front of our few friends, both of us being in full costume in our tiny backyard.

That’s when it all went sideways. “Undying love”. Dr. Willson just had to remind me with a smirk that we are divorced. I would like to explain in more detail what happened after that but truth be told, I don’t know. Last thing I remember was staring at him, my whole body shaking and then, dropping under water. It's a familiar sensation by now, but it never gets less disturbing or less violating. When I was back in control of my body, the room was a mess, I had three men holding me down and Dr. Willson’s forehead was bleeding.

I do not forgive him for the unnecessary remark about my civil status but I do regret, greatly, ever hurting him and I appreciate him not quitting. I don’t know why he wouldn't, I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with a new smug asshole who thinks they have the right pill and therapy combination to fix my unfixable brain. At this point in my life, I will always rather stick with the devil I know than the devil I don’t, and besides, Richard is no devil. I should know.

It’s late now, almost 8, so I’ll send this to Dr. Freias and be on my way to bed. See you there, my love.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Link to all the chapters in chronological order, here. Link to the last chapter, if you can even call it that, here.

Well. Here’s the thing. I am too broke for therapy and too uninspired to write anything original that could probably be more nurturing to my soul than a fanfic that I started 2 years ago...so I’m here, back to my bullshit. And also, Sean is finally dropping some new crispy fresh ego content so I guess...I’m doing this. I’ll be posting daily, the quality will be shit, there might be no actual progress to the plot and it is going to be mainly me just using Stacy to vent. I have little to nothing going on in my life right now, and I vaguely remember I used to get joy from writing so in order to get even the slightest bit of serotonin, I set myself the goal of writing everyday, no word minimum or special prompt in mind, I’m just going to write, and if it’s good, great and if nobody reads, fine. I’m just trying to get back whatever pieces of myself I can find, which I think is a feeling this character can very much relate to. That might be why I’m returning to her.

Or maybe it’s the fact that I was very invested in her before I fell in love and then I was so engrossed in my relationship that I completely forgot about her and then I had my heart broken in a million tiny pieces, losing any kind of sense of self or purpose in life and now, almost six months after my first real breakup, I’m trying to rebuild myself and I secretly hope that going back to Stacy, a character that was very dear to me, I can find whatever it is that I’m looking for. Maybe, but who’s to say?

Anyway, if you read all of that bullshit (and I mean the whole post, not just my after-chapter ranting), I feel like I owe you some kind of reimbursement for emotional damages. Sadly, I’m poor, so all I can offer you are memes. You can slide on my DMs for your payment of memes. Do not feel the need to ask me how I’m doing, I am doing Fine...in the sense of I will not be yeeting myself from a rooftop any time soon, no matter how sad I might sound, I’m just a whiny bitch using writing as a coping mechanism. I’m okay, like not really, super mega hyper ok but I’m ok. If you’re concerned, I appreciate you but don’t be. I’m writing to deal with my feelings, that’s like, healthy, right? So yeah, we good. 

see u tomorrow

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[ghostmartyr]

SnK 124 Thoughts

Have some faith, Reiner.

As if we’d ever forget Han Solo.

The only nice thing about what’s happening now is that it’s forced the right priorities on people. Despite Eren saying, way back in Trost, that people all uniting to face one enemy is too rosy an idea to have a place in reality, for this one island, in these final, traumatic moments, no one wants all these people to die.

With various faces painted on it, most of our main cast on either side has always been focused on one thing: survival. Now Eren rejects that entire concept for the protection of one group. In the barest of bones, that is what every single villain of this manga has always done. Of course the only option is to reject him.

And of course Gabi, who has always been compared to Eren, who has had the most traumatic series of experiences of her young life, stands up and starts fighting.

(One in shadows, one in light. Winning all the high school book reports here.)

This is the best of Eren, in a child who has been ruined by this world just as thoroughly. Gabi will bring back her friends.

Eren chases after slavers to save a girl he doesn’t know.

Gabi runs into streets full of monsters and saves someone who hates her.

I’ve always enjoyed Eren as a protagonist (his dip into antagonist, not so much). In Trost, he takes on the burden of being a symbol of humanity’s hope, but I’ve always felt that his true symbolic nature is that he’s the one who lays claim to humanity’s outrage.

There are things in this world that are simply wrong. Righteous fury without limits is a satisfying reaction to that, and at the start of the manga, it’s something that all of Paradis has basically lost. They’ve grown complacent with their lot in life. Even when the titans invade, they don’t dream beyond reclaiming the territory that they’ve always known.

Eren’s status as a rage monster is very much a meme, and he’s very much more than that, but it has always been fitting that the main character is a bonfire that lights the sparks of the rest of the cast. Eren inspires motion. Before he has any touch of competence and plot magic, he talks and his comrades find themselves listening.

Gabi takes up that torch here.

Reiner is done (again. sorry, Reiner). The world is probably done. Gabi has spent this whole arc being some kind of done.

Gabi gets up, and goes to look for her friend. Falco follows her onto an airship; she follows him into hell.

Gabi gets up, and protects the girl who wants her dead. She faces down a titan with a weapon not meant for the job, and she wins.

Just like the young woman she murdered.

Sasha joins the Survey Corps after Trost. She comes face to face with a titan, and she falters. She fails to kill it, and it comes after her, and she’s scared. She wants to leave. She considers leaving.

Dot Pixis’ speech reignites her will.

Sasha stays, and a month later she saves her little sister.

Her little sister protects a pair of enemy child soldiers.

One of those child soldiers saves her life.

Paradis begins without a spark. Even the people who are signing up to be soldiers are mostly doing it so they won’t be seen as cowards, or so they can go further into the walls as Military Police. People who want to go outside and kill the titans are nuts. The Survey Corps is nuts. They’re a waste of taxes, and anyone who wants to join them is a suicidal idiot.

Enter Eren. Enter enough fury and impact that the fire can’t be contained in one person, and the sparks start spreading. The people who have been left to tend their own fires for years are given kindling. The people who don’t know what it’s like to not be freezing cold are given a taste of warmth.

For a series that begins in stagnation, a protagonist devoted to movement is going to inspire the most change.

Then he decides to commit genocide and ruin everything, but hey, look at how much that’s inspiring people to get along!

Eren, you’re a fucking disaster.

Niccolo basically hands us the series’ thesis on a silver platter, so I’ll refrain from trying to fit his quotes into anything resembling a paragraph.

Niccolo is not Eldian.

Eldians are the one with the ability to literally transform into monsters. A physical manifestation of the horrors all humans are capable of if you take away their reason. That’s why the world calls them devils. They’re all a bunch of ticking time bombs just waiting to go off; why wouldn’t the world condemn, hate, and fear that?

Those ticking time bombs always take at least one more person willing to start the timer for them.

In the current era, Marley has been the force happily strapping bombs to children’s chests.

Niccolo hits on the truest point. From someone who is not Eldian, who cannot physically manifest the horrors all around them that could not exist without certain genetics--

Niccolo has a devil inside of him, too. He’s given in to it. He has been a monster, so lost in his despair that he’s willing to kill children.

The true enemy of this world is not titans. It’s falling prey to the demons every human carries inside. That is the universal human experience, and everywhere people fall in that fight, evil follows.

Titans exist because a man rapes a slave and has her children eat her.

That evil is a fault of human nature, not blood.

Niccolo and Gabi have been the monsters.

Unlike most titans, they have the option of coming back. They’ve had the fortune to live long enough that they can come back. Hell, it might be because she hits the bargaining phase, but even this chapter Gabi goes from suggesting killing Eren to talking to him and using his power for something actually useful.

-pats Gabi on the head-

Not bad, kiddo.

To the left, we have Jean and Connie.

Hell.

Connie’s simplest (as well as the most exciting, because he’s running off to Wall Rose territory with Falco, who has Ymir’s memories), and rather devastating. For four years, his mother has been a titan. Unable to move. She’s his only remaining family. Everyone else in his village, Connie spent their last night alive praying that they would die. He’s one of the three people left who remember Utgard.

Being trapped on a tower in the middle of the night, being hunted for sport by people he’s known all his life.

On Zeke’s command.

The man Paradis is forced to consider an ally. The man Connie is not allowed to touch. The man who is still, years later, turning people into titans. The man one of his closest friends ostensibly betrays them for.

After all that, his friends have someone who can save his mom, and they try to tell him no. Because that might hurt the feelings of their enemies. People like Reiner, for instance. The guy Connie still cries for in Return to Shiganshina.

Don’t worry about your mother, Connie. Worry about the feelings of everyone else.

Also Sasha is dead and this kid’s bestie pulled the trigger.

But seriously Connie, chill.

[chill not found]

Connie has, frankly, done a fantastic job holding everything together. The fact that he’s only snapping now speaks greatly to his character, and leaves me not too concerned about Falco. Connie ranks as one of the lowest on who’s left of people who would be willing to kill a child. Even if it’s for his mother, if Falco’s awake, I don’t think Connie can do it.

...If he can, the manga will have actually found a way to get even darker, which, if we’re being honest, I sort of thought we were beyond at this point, so flip a coin I guess.

Jean likewise has some of my favorite material in this chapter. He’s grown into a far better commander than he was at Trost, and having the terrain duplicated so well only emphasizes it.

But as ever, the true entertainment comes from Marco.

Who is also dead.

Yes, still.

“You’re not a strong person... so you can really understand how weak people feel.”

Jean is not wrong that destroying the rest of the world sort of fixes Paradis’ main problems. The issue is that it’s horrifically immoral, not that it wouldn’t be effective (until a civil war breaks out).

Because everyone spent all their time hating them, their only protection was murdering them all. And it’s all on one person’s decisions. They’re hardly involved, aren’t they? If they sit back and do nothing, it’s just karma, right? What could they possibly do at this point?

“But you’re also good at recognizing what’s going on at any given moment. You know exactly what needs to be done. I mean... most humans are weak, including me... But if I got an order from someone who saw things like I do... no matter how tough it was, I’d do my damnedest to carry it out.”

Jean’s right. They do reap the benefits of this horrible choice. No more complicated politics. Just a blank slate to do better on. Everyone on Paradis gets to live. Without putting too fine a point on it, that’s an argument we’re probably all familiar with, and here a character is, pointing it all out.

This fixes all their problems. Good, right?

No.

Because standing back and doing nothing while genocide is committed is fucking wrong.

That’s a question this series has grappled with from the beginning; which is more important, survival or doing what’s right?

In the start, we have a protagonist who is fully comfortable throwing his own life away in the name of doing what’s right. At the moment, he’s giving every appearance of being fully comfortable throwing away everyone else’s life in the name of keeping the people he cares about alive.

This chapter, we have Connie arguing for his mom’s life over someone more politically relevant’s.

Bringing back another fandom favorite, Serum Bowl pretty much locks these arguments in a cage and pokes them gently with an assault rifle.

Survival says Erwin. Armin doesn’t matter, except to Eren and Mikasa. Erwin matters to Levi in a way he doesn’t to them. What’s right falls to the floor except to be brandished like a machete against the other side’s wants. Hange has to swoop in and pick it up, and by then Floch’s involved and clubbing everyone over the head with his newfound fanaticism.

Once it’s gotten to that point, humanity’s continued survival still says Erwin.

It’s still saving a man’s life.

A man who will die without this intervention.

For the reason of bringing him back to life to suffer in everyone’s place.

It’s pragmatic, and it truly is best for humanity’s survival beyond the walls.

It is also deeply unkind.

Send these thousands of people to their deaths so  the rest can live. Eat each other. Die, die, and die until someone can live. Anything that promotes survival is, in fact, the right choice.

In the Female Titan arc, when Armin and Jean are watching the full extent of Erwin’s plan in front of their eyes, Armin says that Erwin might very well be evil for it, but given where they are, that’s a good thing. That someone strong enough to be that measured with their few remaining lives is in control--even if he’s committing a moral evil, he’s protecting something more important.

It is the preliminary version of Floch’s eventual conclusion.

They need a devil to ensure their survival.

Levi ultimately rejects that.

He doesn’t bring a man back to life so that he can bear their burdens.

It’s one of the smaller goods of the series. After a life of suffering through what is necessary, Levi chooses to release Erwin from it, even though he’s still tactically essential. Again and again people have discussed how much it would help if one more strategist was out Paradis’ table in these times. Levi’s decision is what prevents the most experienced from taking a seat.

Levi picks to be kind over making the choice that more properly secures survival.

Because the survival of what? More choices leading down the exact same road? The endless cycle of sacrifice that’s turned human bodies into resources instead of recognizing them as people?

Titanization at its core?

In the Serum Bowl, Levi doesn’t choose who he wants to survive. He chooses what. He chooses to recognize a man as human instead of a commodity. Something the two brats screaming at him couldn’t let go of. Something he couldn’t let go of.

Do you want to survive, or create a world worth surviving in?

Eren’s actions will destroy the world beyond the walls he always wanted to see. Indiscriminately. Some of it deserves destruction and worse. The parts that don’t will be swept away all the same.

This plan creates the world the First King told them they all lived in; there is Paradis, and nothing beyond it. The rest of humanity is dead.

Thanks to forfeiting all humanity.

And I guess if anyone on the island has a problem with it, kill them too. Also anyone who encourages anyone to have a problem with it. Just set up your secret task force, give the names, and keep those named living in terror for a century until one of them becoming a serial killer in response seems perfectly reasonable.

For those in need of the reminder, Karl is a douche.

Karl thought genocide was such a bad thing that he committed genocide over it, but it’s okay because his genocide was smaller.

Eren thinks genocide is such a bad thing he’s set up to commit genocide over it, but it’s okay because his genocide is going to be so big it’s going to end all genocides. Until Floch remembers he has a gun, probably. Which seems to be always. In which case this genocide will lead to a series of smaller genocides, eventually leading to not enough people being alive for genocide to be committed.

Curing the world of genocide once and for all.

Yay.

.

What I’m saying is that genocide is bad.

Full stop.

Genocide is bad.

-draws underlines-

-draws angry grrr face-

Bad.

Perhaps maybe these people should stop doing it.

For all the moral reasons, sure, but since we’re clearly beyond that point, maybe someone could just quietly suggest with the force of the world ending that maybe imitating the exact behavior that led to literally all of our cast’s problems is not the best move.

Also, Floch shouldn’t get to point a gun at Yelena’s head. Only Yelena gets to hold guns to people’s heads. She makes it cool. Floch makes everyone wonder why Floch still hasn’t died, only to remember that ah, yes, of course people like Floch don’t die.

BUT HEY, AT LEAST THEY KILLED ALL THE TITANS THAT USED TO BE THEIR COMMANDING OFFICERS. I’M SURE THAT’S NOT RELATED TO FLOCH’S GOOD MOOD AT ALL.

You know, it’s not that things are continuing to get worse. They are simply following the roadmap of horror we were handed in the brochure for this arc. None of this is new, it’s just now in play. So it’s not getting worse, it always was worse.

...Yelena, just take the gun and shoot Floch before you die. I feel like that’s the fastest path to something good happening.

Let’s see... points to all our kidlets being a dominant force against titans now. Them Trost Redux feels. Points to Jean realizing that Eren has power of friendshipped himself into villain status (allegedly). Points to Armin remembering how Pixis gave the humans of Paradis their first victory. Points to all of Sasha’s family because I like them.

Then that’s the chapter.

HOW YOU FEELING, ANNIE FANS?