#I’ve got hungry kids who rely on their meals

[lizzywhimsy]

So… is everyone doing ok?

[belphies-cuhm-sluht]

Hello! I saw your asks open and i wanted to request some angst headcanons with dad!Asmo. I just read Luci's and oh man that sure hurt my heart, you write angst so well!

Unwanted (Dad!Asmo x F!Reader) ANGST

A/N : Mammon plays a really big part in this, just as Beel played a big role in the dad!Lucifer fic. It's never hinted whether they're together or not, it's kind of up to the imagination... but if you'd like, I can write a part two to this??? (I will also, to anyone who might want it, write a part two to the dad!Lucifer fic)

Word Count : 2.3K Warnings : pregnancy ; children ; maternity ; babies ; hinted abortion ; angst ;

He never wanted children, he didn’t want anything that would actually tie him down to anything or anyone. It wasn’t his “thing”, and you both had done everything to prevent it from happening. Up until now, everything had worked, there had never been one mistake, but the both of you got sloppy. There was a party, and… well, you loved him, and he had said that he loved you, and precautions weren’t a “thing” at that moment. One slip up, one mistake, and now everything was falling apart.

“I didn’t want this. I don’t want that.” He spat the words at you, pointing towards your stomach. He had only stopped pacing long enough to say it before starting again, walking the length of his room as he gnawed at his perfectly manicured fingers. You hadn’t expected anything different from him, but it still hurt that he was blaming the whole thing on you, as if it didn’t take 50/50 participation to make something like this happen. “It’ll completely ruin my image. A child with a human! It’ll be all over the tabloids, in every magazine… I can’t have that.” His behavior shouldn’t have been that shocking to you, but to hear just how selfish he really was, to know that he thought so little of you, it hurt way worse than you ever thought it would. One moment he was professing his love to you, and now he’s disgusted with you. It could have been that your emotions were running high from the situation, or maybe the hormones had just taken over completely, but you wanted to scream, you wanted to cry, and you wanted to fight him. “Your image?! This thing could kill me and all you care about is your stupid public persona… Screw you! I wish I never fell in love with you.” His eyes went soft, and for a moment you thought that maybe he’d apologize, maybe he was rethinking his own words, his actions, that maybe you’d be able to be a team to work through this mess. You were wrong, you were so wrong. “Wish all you want, we both know you’d have never been able to resist me.” Narcissistic, selfish, he was just awful. You closed your eyes tightly, trying to fight back the tears as you walked past him. He didn’t deserve your last words, he didn’t deserve anything. He didn’t deserve you.

The twelfth week was supposed to be the most exciting. It was when most couples would finally make their announcements, happily tell family and friends that they were expecting. Your twelfth week was a nightmare. You were trapped in the Devildom, human doctors wouldn’t know what the hell was going on if they delivered a child with horns, a child so angelically demonic that they’d probably call the hospital priest to your room as soon as they saw it. The only place where you’d be able to safely deliver a child like this and live through it would be in the Devildom. It’s not like you hadn’t tried to relieve yourself of the problem. You had gone to Lucifer, Satan, Barbatos, even Lord Diavolo, asking them if there was any way that they could just… get rid of it. Sadly, Asmodeus wasn’t just a narcissistic, selfish prick, he was also sadistic. None of them could do anything without Asmodeus’ approval since it was his child too. Every time one of them asked him, he would refuse. He didn’t even give a reason, he just wanted to see you suffer. Strangely, you had found comfort and solace in Mammon. You were pretty sure he was only helping because he still had a crush on you, but he became your emotional, mental, and physical support throughout everything. You had told him many times that he didn’t have to basically “fill in” for Asmo, but he insisted that it was the least he could do considering his little brother was being a dick. He wasn’t just your support at the house, he was… invested in the child that Asmo hadn’t wanted. He took you to doctors appointments, sometimes even getting in the way of the doctor as he pointed to the ultrasound screen. He was so excited that most people just assumed it was his kid, and he never denied it either. It was just easier that way, to go along with whatever the other demons said because he knew that any mention of Asmo would upset you and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Some days the both of you would sit on the couch in the living room, flipping through the pages of maternity books. He’d really try to understand the diagrams on the pages, but you could tell that he was confused and sometimes he’d even look up at you from the pages, and then down at your stomach, and then up at you, before looking back down at the pages. It was cute, and you’d giggle lightly, resting your head on his shoulder as you continued flipping through the pages. He had become the only person in the house that you felt like you could fully trust and rely on. Everyone else wanted to stay out of the drama, nobody wanted to get involved, but Mammon wasn’t there for the drama, he was only there for you, he was there when you needed him.

“Can you believe him? Can you believe both of them? We haven’t even broken up and they’re sleeping together, she’s even wearing his clothes. It’s ridiculous, and Mammon is out there playing dad with my kid.” Asmo sat on the edge of the counter, voicing his complaints to anyone who would listen. Sadly it was Beel’s turn since he was the only one in the kitchen right now. Most of the time the other brothers would just hide themselves away, not wanting to deal with Asmo right now, but Beel had gotten hungry and he really thought he’d be lucky enough to avoid his brother. “I don’t know what the big deal is… You didn’t want the kid anyway.” He wasn’t going to walk on eggshells around Asmo, he wasn’t going to lie to make anyone feel better. In Beel’s eyes, Asmo was completely in the wrong. “If Y/N is finding some sort of happiness in spending time with Mammon, who are you to complain? It stopped being your place when you said you didn’t want it.” He shrugged before grabbing his plate and going straight back to his room. He wasn’t going to continue listening to it, but he hoped that he had left Asmo with something to really think about. He walked up the stairs, going straight to the bedroom door, knocking loudly. He wasn’t going to stop until someone opened the door either. Mammon got up from the bed that you both had been propped up on, rolling his eyes as he walked over to his door, groaning loudly when he saw Asmo standing there. “Whaddaya want? We don’t need ya here… yer just gonna stress ‘er out.” He was trying to talk quietly, not wanting you to hear him or even know who was there. He was so protective of you, he wouldn’t let anyone else serve your food during meals, he’d even stand outside the bathroom door whenever you were in there just to make sure you didn’t fall or hurt yourself. Asmo pushed his way into the room much to Mammon’s annoyance. “I don’t care, Mammon. Y/N isn’t yours, and neither is the child. They’re both mine, and I’d like to have a word with her.” He said snidely, but Mammon wasn’t going to have it. Brother or not, he cared too much about you, he had worked so hard to help you get over what Asmo had done, and he wasn’t going to let him waltz back in and ruin everything. Mammon wasn’t weak, he was way stronger than he looked, and right now he was showing his strength, grabbing Asmo’s arm and practically throwing him out of the room. His teeth were barred and the growl that was coming from him sounded feral, animalistic, it was terrifying. “Neither of them are yers! I’ve been there fer everything, every doctor visit, I even bought a damn room fer the kid and she’s sleepin’ in my room, next ta me, and a next ta Y/N. Ya know why?! ‘Cause ya don’t jus’ get ta come back when ya fine’ly realize that ya fucked up! Now… leave us alone. We don’t need ya here.” He left Asmo out in the hallway, crumpled against the wall as he walked back into the room. “She…” Asmo kept repeating the word as he pushed himself up off the floor. He was having a daughter, and he hadn’t even known about it, he wouldn’t have known about it if Mammon hadn’t screamed at him. It was strange how knowing made things more real, it made him care more, and the worst part was that he knew it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to you. He didn’t know how to fix what he had done, but he knew that he had to try at least. “Lucifer…” “I don’t want things to be like this when she gets here. It’s not going to be long either.” You sighed, finally relaxing once more in the bed once Mammon got in next to you. “Why was he here anyway?” Mammon shrugged, focusing all of his attention on your stomach trying to calm himself. He liked watching it move, he thought it was neat.

The delivery was smoother than you thought it would be, and Mammon only fainted twice during the whole thing, so he did pretty good. Delivering a child in the Devildom had its perks, the main one being that you didn’t have to stay more than one day in the hospital to recover. They did some spell and you were completely fine. It was strange, but you appreciated it greatly. The only issue with the perk was that it meant you were going back home and that meant you’d have to face Asmo. She looked so much like him, and you could tell that Mammon was upset by it. Even though he knew she wasn’t actually his, he wished that she didn’t look so much like her father. Her eyes were his exact color, and it left you speechless when she first opened them, gazing up at you with wonder and curiosity. She was precious, and she was yours. As you walked through the door you were met with balloons and streamers, and Asmo. You heard Mammon growl quietly, and you quickly held your hand out to him, silently begging him to stop. He was holding the carseat and you didn’t need him to lose his temper right now. “I just wanted to welcome her home, welcome you home. I bought some things for her, they’re outside of Mammon’s door.” Asmo said nervously, and for once he was terrified of being rejected. “We don’t need noth-” Mammon had started, but you quickly shook your head, pleading to him with your eyes to just stay calm. He groaned loudly, eyeing Asmo angrily before walking past him to the stairs. “Fine. She’s prob’ly hungry… I’m gonna feed ‘er. Ya comin’ up?” You nodded quickly, making sure he got up the stairs alright before turning back to Asmo. “What are you doing, Asmo?”

He moved into the living room, waiting for you to sit down before he did, and he looked scared, he looked sad. Of course you didn’t like seeing him like this, but it was his fault, he had caused all of this. “I don’t want to be alone. I know that sounds selfish, that I’m making this about myself again, but I’m not trying to. When Mammon told me… he said she… It's a girl?” You nodded slowly and you saw his face light up for only a second before it left once more. “I was scared, I am scared… I didn’t know if I’d be a good… father. I never saw myself as one, but seeing Mammon, and he’s doing so well… I never saw him as a father either… I thought that maybe, since he could… that maybe I could too.” He sighed, bringing his hand back up to his lips to chew at his fingers again, his orange eyes glistening with the tears that hadn’t fallen yet. “I know that what I said was wrong… I was rude. I didn’t think I’d have a problem finding someone to take my mind off of everything, but I was wrong. I love you, and nobody else is going to take your place, nobody else can take your place.” You both sat on the couch in silence, his tears finally falling as he waited for you to say something, and yours building up as you tried to think of something to say. “This isn’t fair… You know this isn’t fair. You can’t… you can’t pick and choose when you want to be a dad. You weren’t there… and you made it very clear that you didn’t want her. I… I can’t do this Asmo… I’m sorry… They’re waiting for me… I-I have to go.” You took a deep breath as you stood from the couch, wiping your tears with the back of your hands as you started walking to the stairs. “Y/N…” He walked up behind you, grabbing your hand to stop you. You didn’t turn around to face him, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, but he didn’t mind. He was actually thankful that you didn’t look at him, because what he was about to say was the hardest thing he’d ever have to say in his life. “I know that I’m unwanted… But… If I may… Can I meet her? Just once? Please?”

[vs-redemption]

Omg can I get scenarios about how you think Fatgum and Mirio would react if they found out that their crush thought they didn’t like them?? 😭😭 ty!!!!! ❤️

From Cindy: Wowzer! I really liked this request but it took me a couple days to get some ideas worked out in my head. I’m happy with the way they turned out, and I hope you are too anon!!

A Crush?! (Fatgum x Reader) and (Mirio x Reader)

FATGUM

When Taishiro Toyomitsu first opened his hero agency in the lively city of Osaka, his first priority had been to hire a cook to work there. Because his quirk relied heavily on the amount of fat stored up in his body, it was important to have a constant source of food available. Snacks and small meals between and during patrols did little to keep him fully powered, so finding someone who could meet his extreme dietary needs was of the upmost importance.

The first few people he’d brought onto his team hadn’t worked out so well. Even though he had no complaints about their food, they just couldn’t seem to keep up with his immense appetite. They got too caught up in the presentation, plus the portions were just too small. When the BMI hero finally hired you right out of culinary school, he was relieved to find your approach to his food conundrum much more satisfying.

He never had to worry about going hungry when he got into his agency anymore. Not only did you made sure there was plenty of food readily available for him, but you also kept his diet balanced with healthy foods that contained enough calories to fatten him up for his patrols. The food itself kept Taishiro’s stomach happy and full, but the effort and care you put into your work definitely started having an effect on his heart too after a while. Your dedication to keeping him in top shape drew his attention until he found himself starting to look forward more to seeing and talking to you than even eating your delicious food.

Taishiro wasn’t the type to lie to himself about his feelings. He knew perfectly well that he’d developed a little crush on you. He wasn’t exactly sure how to go about confessing though, or if he even should. His schedule didn’t leave much time for dating, and he didn’t want to start something if he wasn’t going to be able to dote on you the way he was starting to desperately want to.

Little did he know, on the other side of things, you were struggling to deal with the feelings you had for him too. You had always thought your boss was a nice guy, but after seeing his jolly and friendly behavior every day, you couldn’t help the crush that had creeped up on you. You tried your best to put it out of your mind, assuming there was no way a great hero like Taishiro could return your feelings. It wasn’t as if he did anything to make you feel otherwise. He was as kind and encouraging to you as anyone else you’d seen him interact with. It was just that you knew the nature of your job made your personality come off a bit too overbearing to really spark a romance. You constantly berated yourself after each and every interaction you had with him, physically cringing as you remembered the nagging comments you’d made.

“I know you need the calories for your quirk, Taishiro, but don’t forget to eat some fruits and vegetables too.”

“Eat another bowl of rice, Taishiro. You never know when you’ll need that little extra push when fighting a villain.”

“Taishiro, don’t forget to take the leftovers with you in case you get hungry out there! It’s better for you than all that street food you’re always picking up on patrol.”

When you thought about it, you really pestered him way too much. Sure, it was your job to feed him, but still, he was a grown man. He didn’t need you bothering or lecturing like he was some kind of kid. The only reason you even acted the way you did was because you cared and worried about him, but how it came across was probably annoying and patronizing. This is why you were confident he’d never like you the way you liked him.

Eventually, the combination of your feelings for him and the concern over his impression of you becomes too much and you decide to confront him. You get to the agency early one day and make him some fresh jelly filled donuts.

“Hey! You hardly ever make stuff like this!” Taishiro chuckles, “What’s the occasion?”

“It’s my way of saying thank you for putting up with me,” you shrug awkwardly. “I know I’m a bit of a nag sometimes.” Your words take the hero by surprise.

“I don’t think you’re a nag at all!” He sounded upset to hear you say that. “I hope I never gave you the idea that I did.”

“No,” you shake your head. “You didn’t… I just figured you were nice to me just to be polite.”

“What?” Taishiro shakes his head, “You couldn’t be further from the truth. If I’m being honest, I’ve actually developed quite the soft spot for you.” You look up into his eyes, a feeling of hope spreading through you.

“Yeah,” Taishiro laughs and scratches the back of his head bashfully. “I guess you could say I have a bit of a crush on you.” The conversation had definitely taken an unexpected turn, and you couldn’t be happier.

“I…” You hesitate for a moment but then give in. “I have a crush on you too! I have for a while. I never dreamed you could feel the same way.” The smile that stretched across the hero’s face warmed your heart.

“How could I not feel the same way?” He chuckles while patting his large belly. “I’ve never met anyone else who could keep both my stomach and my heart so full.” His words were music to your ears. And now that you both were on the same page about your feelings, you could sit down together and start discussing important questions about the future, like where he was going to take you on your first date.

 MIRIO

 Getting a job as a server at the mundane little diner on the outskirts of town had only meant to be a temporary gig to help you save up some extra money for school. Your campus was just a short train ride from the restaurant, and your apartment was even closer. It wasn’t glamorous or anything, but it paid the bills. Besides, it was just a stepping stone in the path to your dream job, so you were more than willing to deal with it until a bigger more fulfilling opportunity came along.

 What you hadn’t expected after starting the job was that you’d be terrible at it. You didn’t realized how bad your short term memory was until you found yourself forgetting people’s orders, or taking meals to the wrong tables. If that wasn’t bad enough, you also had a hard time balancing plates of food and were always dropping glasses and silverware accidentally. Luckily, your boss was a pretty chill and forgiving person and hadn’t felt the need to fire you yet. You really didn’t want to go through the trouble of finding another job, so you continued doing the best you could each and every day.

A few weeks after being hired, you started to feel the tiniest bit more confident about your abilities as a server. At the very least, you were getting better at remembering orders. Thankfully, there were a lot of regulars that got the same things every time which made your job easier. You were just starting to get into a comfortable routine when life decided to throw you a curveball. There was no way you could stop yourself from tripping over your own feet and almost spilling some poor customers breakfast all over the floor when you saw the pro hero, Le Million, walk into the diner with one of his hero friends. Thankfully you managed not to fall on your face or drop any food. Your relief was short lived, however, when Le Million walked right over and took a seat at a table in your section.

You knew it was going to be a disaster as soon as you walked over and forgot what you should even do. Being so close to Le Million was triggering a meltdown in your brain. He was your favorite hero and you honestly had a huge crush on him. Having him looking right at you with those cheerful blue eyes and wide friendly smile was extremely overwhelming.

“Uh…” You stood there blankly with the pen and pad in your hand.

“I think we’re going to start with something to drink!” Le Million speaks up with a light laugh which sparks you back to life.

“Ok, right!” you shake your head and try to focus. “What’ll you have?”

“I’ll have coffee,” he says before gesturing to his companion. “I think you usually take hot green tea right?” The friend nods so you write the order down.

“A hot green tea and a coffee for Le Million,” you mumble without meaning to.

“Oh, I’m on my lunch break!” he corrects you with a grin. “So, you can call me Mirio.”

“Right,” you nod excitedly. “Mirio”

You do your best to function as you continue to serve him. You somehow bring black tea instead of green, but Mirio just waves off the mistake with a wave of his hand. You swear you write down the correct order for him word for word, but humiliation consumes you when his friend points out that there were tomatoes on his hamburger even though he’d asked for none. You offer to bring him a new plate but he tells you it’s unnecessary. He doesn’t even pick off the tomatoes before taking a huge bite.

When Mirio and his friend finally leave, you feel yourself deflate. You were thankful the embarrassing experience was over, but part of you wished you’d made a better impression. The universe must’ve been out for you because the next day, it decided to grace you with a second chance. Mirio walked back into your diner with his friend, taking the same table as the day before. You tried to do a better job at serving him this time but you still fumbled a few things. This continued for a few weeks. For some reason, Mirio kept coming back and sitting in your section. You had no idea why since he must be sick of your horrible service by now. You tried to think of a logical explanation for a while, but always came up empty.

“Um, Mirio,” you tell him one day as he hands you the money to pay for his bill. “I know I’m not the best server in the world, so you don’t have to sit in my section every time.”

“But then I wouldn’t get to talk to you!” Mirio replies instantly, looking taken aback by your words.

“Oh,” you hadn’t expected a response like that. “But I always mess up your order.”

“That’s all right!” Mirio perks back up, “As long as you keep doing your best, that’s what matters! Plus, I’ve been sort of biding my time, looking for the right moment to ask for your number. I think you’re really cute.” He winces a little bit as if preparing for rejection. The confession startles you and you somehow end up missing his hand while giving back his change, causing coins to scatter across the counter. Mirio just smiles and helps you pick it all up.

“I can really give you my number?” you ask in shock once the money is back in his hands.

“Yeah!” He assures you, “As long as I’m allowed to call it!” You felt yourself blush, but managed to stay calm enough to grab a napkin and scribble your number down. Mirio thanked you before heading out with his hero friend to go back on patrol. It was less than a minute later when your phone buzzed in your pocket with a message from your hero crush.

It said, “I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow!”

You’re still in a state of shock as you hug your phone to your chest. You’d initially taken the diner job as a way to save money for school, but maybe fate had brought you here for something else entirely.

[reawritesthings]

Ratatouille | JJ Maybank

(GIF is made by me. Credit if used)

Summary: JJ Maybank is a clever little rat. Always stealing and never getting caught. Until, he finds himself in the presence of your own home and you finally catch him.

Note: It’s been a hot minute since I’ve released something so it might be a little iffy but, i really hope you enjoy it + feedback is appreciated

"Have you heard about the little rat who keeps stealing our food? Just the other day, my finest roast chicken was taken. I bet it's those dirty Pogues." Mrs Andrew's who resident three doors down complained to a few other figures, who slyly had there eye on your mother's newest trinket.

"You should take it as a compliment, Mrs Andrew's. It means your cooking is divine." You endeavour into her daily rant hoping she could see this in a different light.

Mrs Andrew vexed at your attempt to see the light in this particular theft, " That piece of chicken costs me 30 dollars. I don't pay for my food to be taken, young lady."

You threw your head back, squaring your shoulders with charismatic movement whilst hearing Mrs Andrew's bicker about a false accusation that you might be seeing a Pogue. As the daily neighbour meeting elongated into hours of constantly whining, you decided to seek refuge into a certain Cameron.

You constrain your body to accompany Rafe, your trusted advisor and best alcohol dealer. "Rafe. I need alcohol, pronto."

Rafe disapproved your request, seeing you suffer was a blessing and a curse to his sicken mind, "Mrs Andrew's giving you a hard time?" You nodded, freely motioning your head to rest into his chest.

"She's claiming I'm sleeping with a Pogue because I defended the 'rat' that steals her god damn chicken." Even the mention on the claim provoked you making you feel slightly uncomfortable that you had that potential to sleep with a Pogue.

"Don't you fancy the Maybank kid?" Rafe's eyebrow furrowed knowing too much about your personal life.

"I don't fancy him. I just see him delivering my groceries." Rafe prompted attacked your false claim by falling your emotions further.

"So staring at him for three minutes straight and, finding it hard to say 'thank you' really gives the ' I don't fancy him' vibe."

You awarded Rafe with the finger, gravitating away from his presence before you do something you'll regret.

    ✿✿✿✿

"JJ, A chicken? Really?" Kiara was slightly miffed by the actions that her best friend accomplishes the night before.  JJ rose from his worn-out deck chair that somehow stayed afloat giving the circumstances of the holes present.

"What are you on about, Kie?"

Kiara watched JJ fumble his way towards her, his walk was mistaken for zigzags which only met she had to handle a drunk JJ. "You stole Mrs Andrew's chicken and many more things."

JJ remotely failed to make a face to the name, shrugging his shoulder he twirled away from Kiara, "Mrs Andrew shouldn't be so worked up about a fucking chicken. If I did take the chicken, shouldn't she take it as a compliment?"

"You didn't have to steal it, JJ. You could have just asked me and I would have gotten you groceries." Kiara abbreviated JJ's response, hoping the statement she announced stayed in JJ's mind the next time he decides to steal.

Stealing for JJ was like breathing. He didn't need to, of course - but,  he needed to survive. It was like a curse his father placed when he turned to alcohol for pleasure. His friend tried to make him stop, but he couldn't break the curse. He always saw stealing as the only sensible way to survive in the Cut. In this Pogue life, you worked two jobs and were lucky enough to earn a tip. JJ wasn't going to rely on just an hourly income for himself and his drunken father, he needs cash, immediately.

It started with small items, food to help him function for the day. But, as he successful outsmarted Heyward, he thought bigger and placed his icky nose on the other side of the island known as 'Figure 8.' Figure 8 was JJ's dream, a dream that one day he would go full Kook and have a golden statue of himself.

"Noted." JJ bluntly responded but Kie wasn't remotely sure if JJ even took anything she told into account.

JJ watched the sea, lost in the rhythmic percussion of the harsh waves crashing onto the sand. His eyes watched the sunset, spreading into its last ounce of orange rays before twilight awakes. His lips bear the semblance of a smile, just enough to show that he knew what house he wanted to enter, whatever the consequences he was adamant to have another decent meal. JJ landed in Figure 8, a town he knew well from his kleptomaniac days. Since he got the heads up that Mrs Andrews was on the hunt, he vowed to take the beachfront.

His stomach commences into a harsh growl, the pain was noticeable and so was a house. It was three downs up from Mrs Andrews, a typical white framed fence with artificial flowers and wide backyard. JJ's wandering eye teleported him towards the gate, a gate he began to familiarise when his hand touched the newly painted wood.

"Mrs Y/L/N House..." JJ whispered to himself. When JJ's movement came towards the garden he noticed the door left ajar, a scent rushed out of the house and suffocated JJ's nostrils making his belly flip with joy. He knew he couldn't get into trouble due to the door being already open which was odd for Figure 8. JJ approached the door and scanned the ghost-like kitchen to see if anyone was awake.

No one was seen.

JJ pushed the door and it swung open with ease, a blast of air-conditioned of a cold streamed past him, with light jazz escaping through the night. He tiptoed inside, squinting his eyes shut as he didn't want to draw attention to himself. He shamelessly headed from the double magnetized fridge covered with pictures of you and magnets from different states.

"Why do Kook's have beautiful children?" JJ murmured, haltingly placing his hand over the handle letting the momentum of the fridge open revealing a whole stack of food.

"Tempting. What do you fancy tonight, JJ?" He asked himself, fiddling around with the products making sure everything was neatly stacked the way he found it. JJ took out a plate of half-eaten cheesecake, along with a bottle of coke with some fruit on the side.

"I found dessert, but I need dinner. C'mon pretty girl, what did mama make ya?" JJ eyes darted around the island, checking if there were pots present or even a plate visible to him.

"Bingo." JJ teethed with joy as he noticed a pan neatly resting on the stove. "Come to JJ."

As JJ swayed his arching body towards the stove, he smelt the rich scent evaporate around him causing him to gag a little, "This has to do..."

JJ tasted the dish, it looked like someone effortlessly threw random vegetables onto the pan and called it a day. "This is fucking disgusting."

"Tell me about it." You chuckled, repelling the smell of your mother's failed attempt of Ratatouille, and amazed that a boy with the same age demolished the meal in three gulps. "Of all things you could eat, you choose that?"

JJ froze insight, ceiling his eyes shut with a combination of a curse word leaving his lips, "Please don't call the cops."

"I wasn't planning too, Maybank." He was stunned by your response and the mention of his surname.

"How do you know me?" JJ dumbly interrogated the girl, trying to form a vision but the darkness around them forbade him.

You chuckled, as JJ tried to figure out a time where he would have met you."You deliver my groceries every Sunday. You are friends with Pope Heyward, I usually give him a can of beer whenever he is alone."

"Beer girl? No fucking way."

You bowed letting out a quiet laugh. "I'm guessing you are the person who stole Mrs Andrew chicken? and, If you really are that hungry I can make you mac n cheese?"

JJ hurled when the name entered the room, "The ungrateful bitch. She should be glad I stole her chicken. She's hella of a good cook, better than your ma's."

"Anything is better than my mother's cooking. I sometimes ride down to the Wreck for a decent meal. Mr Cerrera's food is the best." You praised the Cerrera's talent whilst you attempted to make Mac n Cheese for the hungry boy.

JJ sent a smirk to his fond smile, "I'm best friends with their daughter. Even though, I'm not their cup of tea... I still get scraps that ungrateful Touron's don't finish."

You envied the Pogue life, even more now as JJ began to blabber on about his adventures of surfing during the hurricane's, going to Mrs Crain's and Rixon's Cove. You liked being a Kook, you had everything you wanted and more but, something was missing. You had friends, Rafe mainly when he wasn't trying to get into your pants and his sister, Sarah but, It wasn't nearly as great as JJ's friends.

"You okay there?" JJ snapped your train of thoughts, placing his hand over yours.

You gave JJ a cramped smile as he took charge of stirring, "Yeah. I was daydreaming."

JJ didn't say a word, knowing it wasn't just a daydream thought. "Cute. How about you come and hang out with us? As for us, I mean the Pogues? But, If you want to hang out just us two..." You cut JJ with a light kiss to his cheek causing a heat of pink to arouse him.

"Taking that as a yes."

You laughed, scooting him away from the stove. "You are my guest. Sit down and I'll give you your food."

JJ did as he was told, hearing your bossy attitude take charge aroused him. "Yes, chef."

You delivered JJ his meal, watching him devour as if it was his last. The small moans escaping from his lips gave you confidence that you weren't a bad cook. "JJ, slow down. It's not going to run away."

"I think you have scored the best cook of Mac n Cheese. I'm definitely coming here, again."

You were meaning to question the boy on how he cleverly entered your house, "How did you even get inside? The alarm was on."

"Simple. the back door was open slightly. Someone must of-" JJ stopped when a gasp escaped your lips.

"Fuck. I forgot to close it." JJ chuckled at the clumsiness of your mind. He managed to figure you out in 10 minutes, which he didn't mind doing.

"It's okay. Maybe you forgot for a reason?" JJ tried to flirt his way into the situation, but you were more infuriated with yourself.

"You saying we were destined to meet, Maybank? I thought a Pogue and Kook don't get along or date." You translated the rules of the two tribes made by Rafe and, JJ.

"Fuck the rules. I tend to break them." JJ shrugged looking around as he proved his point.

"I see. Well, my mother is making spaghetti bolognese tomorrow? I'll leave you a plate outside." You winked, gathering his empty plate.

"And if it all fails, I'll treat you to a nice dinner at the Wreck. My treat..." JJ rambled not wanting to leave your house but, he knew he had too.

"You mean, free food at the Wreck?"

JJ pouted at the response. He was hoping for a simple nod.

"It's a date, Maybank."

masterlist | taglist

[thessalian]

Thess vs Hunger

These days, my entire life feels like figuring out life-hacks so that I can appropriately function. Most of it’s just undoing all the damage done by authority figures who wouldn’t have known ADHD if they fell over it and subscribed to very unhelpful advice due to a lack of communication skills. You know, the “Just do it; it’s not that hard!” / “You just need to apply yourself!” / “You could do this if you just cared enough!” kind of advice.

Before this, the most recent one was the whole thing with taking out the trash and the recycling. I had a thing in the last flat where the tendency was to put the recycling someplace unobtrusive. Two problems with that being a) the kitchen wasn’t really big enough for that kind of thing without putting it entirely out of sight; and b) I have that object permanence thing where it’s “out of sight, out of mind”. Of course, I also have the issue of “if I leave it someplace obvious but unobtrusive, it will just become part of the wallpaper”. In the current flat, there’s a perfect spot for the recycling - a spot where, when it builds up to any degree, I start to struggle with opening the microwave door and/or don’t have enough space to put my rice cooker. Thus, there’s an actual reminder and reason to take out the recycling and it’s not allowed to become part of the scenery in what passes for my brain. Best part is that this is also generally a good indicator of when I need to take out the regular trash too, so it doesn’t get overfilled.

Today, though, I finally managed to find a way to unpick how bad advice about my eating habits feeds into my understimulation and executive dysfunction issues. See, as I think I’ve mentioned before, I used to get a lot of “You’re not hungry; you’re just bored!” as a kid (which was great because it meant I was doomed before I even started because now we’re finding that it’s not good for ten-year-olds to diet anyway, since that slows down their metabolism at a time when it should be working overtime, so thanks, Mum). Anyway, point is that this has left me finding it really difficult to identify hunger as a thing. Which is also not great in terms of my metabolism, never mind my energy levels, blood sugar, and all the rest of that stuff. You know, the “we need food to live” thing. And since understimulation ends up with me feeling flat, grumpy, worn out and generally off, and that’s pretty much how I am when I’m edging into hangry territory or experiencing sugar crash because I’ve been relying on short-burst energy from coffee? It’s overall a mess that I haven’t been able to unpick for years.

However, I think I’ve found the way now, and it largely involves all but reversing the advice I got as a kid. If I’m having issues with figuring out what I want to do next, if I’m grumping about how I’m bored but there’s nothing to do, or if I’m just feeling too flat to do anything, I am starting to think back to the last time I ate something and ... well, “You’re not bored; you’re just hungry!” Followed by, “So for fuck’s sake, eat something!” It really is the logical next step of my having started to stock a lot of dried fruit and corn thins; it’s not necessarily about needing a full meal, but trying to get something moderately healthy into my face when I need food. The issue has been figuring out when I need food, so I’m just going to use those little snacks and err on the side of ‘hungry’. If I really am just bored, a box of raisins isn’t going to hurt anything, but if I’m hungry, the raisins will just whet my appetite and put me into Food Mode.

This all got a lot easier when I figured out that I probably have undiagnosed ADHD and there’s nothing wrong with that. No one should have to feel bad about their coping mechanisms, with or without neurodivergence. Just it’s easier to find coping mechanisms that’ll work with a baseline to work from, at least for me. It’s still a one-step-at-a-time situation, but at least I can see the steps now, and I’m feeling somewhat better for it. At least it got me eating something resembling lunch today; I generally only do dinner and the occasional snack, and that doesn’t feel like enough.

[tigerseye46]

For your Jade Pig au, hugs 4 with Zhu Bajie and Xiaojiao, please

Hugs 4. comforting hugs

Zhu Bajie was stretching and awaiting the arrival of his successor, Long Xiaojiao. The girl had a habit of being late as she got distracted by other things. Although there were there attempts to change that and this time she had a good reason.

She was currently auditioning for a movie. Something about a tough girl trying to make her way in a brutal world. Sounded perfect for her. And she had practiced hard, often disrupting their training so she could practice the lines in front of her mentor.

The kid was a bit dramatic but what did he expect from the adopted daughter of Sun Wukong? The boss must be pissed at him for choosing someone he considered a daughter and for not speaking to them in centuries.

He waggled his head to shake the sadness off. At least Xiaojiao would be able to keep his spirits up.

Or so he thought. All of a sudden Xiaojiao rushed towards him with tears in her eyes.

What happened?

She sniffled and attempted to wipe them. Plastering a smile on her, she declared, “I’m ready!”

He didn’t believe that one bit. “Uh huh. Kid, what happened?”

“What do you mean what happened?” She questioned through her sniffling.

“It’s okay to talk about it.”

“It’s not important. We should be training. You wanted me to focus more on that.”

“True but we are not gonna focus on that when you’re upset. How about I give ya some food, kiddo?”

“Not hungry.”

“Okay. What is it then?”

“Nothing…”

Zhu Bajie’s eyes turned sorrowful. She wasn’t acting like her usual cheery self. “Seriously, what is it? We’re not trainin’ until ya tell me.”

“It’s just… you know that audition?”

“Yes. What about it?”

“They rejected me,” she burst out. “They rejected me right on the spot.”

“Really? No ‘we’ll call you’ or whatever?”

“No. They said I wasn’t a good fit and…” The girl rubbed her arm. “Some other things. I want a big break! There’s nothing wrong with small parts but I feel like I’m never going to make it. Then people will tease me about being a rich girl who relies on her parents’ money to get by and they’ll mock me for my failure.”

“If they try, I’ll be there to set them straight,” he threatened. “Forget them. They don’t know what they’re missing out on. Another opportunity will come knocking. They’re just idiots. Don’t listen to them.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You don’t care about what others think of you.”

A bead of sweat appeared. “That’s not true.”

“It is! You did whatever you wanted and didn’t care what anyone else thought!”

“Because I was an idiot. I’ve grown from that and I did care what others thought of me.” So much so that he ended up leaving the people he loved the most so they could be happy. “A bigger opportunity will come around. If those people don’t want to pick you then they’re fools. You practiced hard and you did your best. That’s all anyone can ask for. I’m so proud of you. Someone will pick you to be the lead star and I promise it will happen soon.”

He pulled her into a hug and she laughed. “It must be true if the great Zhu Bajie is saying it.”

“I’m not that great but thank you.”

“You are. And if you chose me then it means I’m special enough to be picked for something else, right?”

“Exactly, Xiaojiao.” Piglet.

They remained there for awhile and after a meal things returned to normal.

While his successor faltered after getting turned down for parts, she remembered Zhu Bajie’s comforting presence and words.

Then she returned the favor when he needed it most.

[themorp]

Writing Prompts

A lot of these are Au related! And some of them hint at violence/gore, so please be aware of that.

“Don’t move. They rely on sight.”

“I knew it was you!”

“Please tell me that’s not my soulmate.”

“Did you seriously get yourself stuck in a chair?”

“I am so sorry that the words on your arm are so stupid.”

“Prepare for canon fire!”

“Look out!”

“That’s gross... Cool! But still gross.”

“That was my kill!”

“Are you from the Northern Empire?”

“Well I’m not sure weather to be offended or relieved- my wanted posture looks nothing like me.”

“That is NOT how you hold (weapon).”

“Well... this is awkward...”

“Can I kick his ass?”

“HOW ARE THEY SO HOT??? HOW DARE THEY!!!”

“Be quiet! They’ll hear you!”

“Did you steal from that couple?”

“That thing has a curse on it. I’d be careful.”

“I didn’t realize it was a shrinking potion, I swear!”

“I knew (mythical creature/cryptid) were real!”

“Can you get me out of this thing?”

“I have never met you, but I know someone who needs help when I see one.”

“I left you guys alone for FIVE MINUTES!!!”

“That looks painful.”

“Yikes... Glad that’s not me.”

“We’re gonna have to cut it off before it spreads to other parts of their body.”

“And where, exactly, have you been?”

“HOW DID YOU PISS OFF ALL THE GUARDSMEN?!”

“I said distract them, not knock them out!”

“For the last time!!! That is not edible!”

“That man is crazy.”

“They’re going to burn them at the stake!”

“Well, that wasn’t what I was expecting.”

“You’re rescuing me?”

“I never knew the outside world so... big.”

“Put the fire out before we’re noticed!”

“This rescue mission is gonna kick my ass.”

“I... I think they’re still alive...”

“Are you sure they aren’t infected?”

“That’s a brutal looking scar.”

“How did you manage to pull that off?”

“Put down the (weapon)... I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“Well that isn’t normal.”

“What are you?!”

“Dragon bonding isn’t for everyone.”

“Who the hell thought this was a good idea.”

“I am no longer giving a fuck.”

“I want to give up, but I have someone worth pushing onwards for.”

“This storm came out of nowhere!”

“That was dangerous and reckless! But... it was impressive...”

“Who the hell is stupid enough to do that?”

“Can you see anything?”

“Is that what I think it is?”

“I haven’t had meat in years.”

“Was that a gunshot?”

“Can we keep it?”

“Well. This is unexpected.”

“Why are you covered in mud?”

“I have never been held like this...”

“Don’t touch me! You stink! What the hell was in that swamp?!”

“What is... kissing?”

“That’s disgusting. Don’t stop.”

“Aww... what a cute dog...! Wait... THAT IS NOT A DOG ABORT ABORT ABORT-”

“Can I have a hug?”

“How do you live like this?!”

“You’ve never been in a real battle, have you?”

“The Chief will decide your fate.”

“You know I was expecting you to be bigger.”

“Barricade the doors!”

“This is a strange ritual.”

“I don’t think this is a regular maze...”

“Is that blood?”

“There’s a hole in the floor.”

“What the hell was that? Did you hear that?”

“Zombies aren’t supposed to be smart!”

“Is that a ship?”

“Get the hell out of my way.”

“Did you just (physical attack such as punch or kick) me?!’

“They’re weakened by silver.”

“I really wish I had my holy water right now.”

“Well that backfired.”

“I’m so hungry... Can I feed off you a little?”

“YOU DARE OPPOSE ME?”

“Please help me, this man has been following me and I don’t want him to know where I live.”

“Is that really you?!”

“Has it really been three centuries?”

“Are you sure you’re human?”

“That was an alien- That was an alien- THAT WAS AN ALIEN-”

“We SHOULD NOT SPLIT UP!!”

Is it just me or is the floor moving?”

“How the hell did someone get in here?”

“Well, this is awkward... Can I have my payment now?”

“Since when were you so smart?”

“They’re right above us.”

“It’s almost like it can see into my soul.”

“BUGS DON’T GET THAT BIG HERE-”

“I hear growling...”

“DO NOT THROW THE BABY”

“Is that a threat or an offer?”

“I have so many pictures of them being an idiot.”

“The clock has less than hour left.”

“HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED A HORROR MOVIE?!?!”

“Was that you?”

“I think I’m going crazy.”

“We have to go- a scout discovered our shelter, the hive is coming.”

“It’s so damn hot.”

“I... I can’t remember...”

“Aww that’s so cute how much is i-... nevermind.”

“Did you just eat an alien egg?”

“You do realize they’re siblings right?”

“How are you so cute?”

“I am in debt to you, and until that debt is paid I will be you loyal servant.”

“Are you... Are you riding a dragon?”

“You’re under arrest.”

“Here, drink this.”

“Potion making is sensitive, so please be quiet whilst I work.”

“Has thee never seen a Vampire?”

“That was not rad at all.”

“I think it’s dead.”

“You go first.”

“You treat me as if I’m not a litterall demon from hell.”

“I will protect until my dying breath.”

“Don’t worry, you’re safe now.”

“It’s an honor to meet you.”

“You’re not from around here, re you?”

“What? Never seen a hybrid before?”

“That is not how you use that.”

“Did you know different flowers have different meanings...? The ones I gave you are quite unique in meaning.”

“Your family is... interesting...”

“If you’re not gonna eat grubs then you’re gonna starve. It’s all that’s out here.”

“That’s not human.”

“Stop standing there staring and help me!”

“I’m too short...”

“Was that an insult?”

“Keep up!”

“Don’t look behind you.”

“You have to jump! You have to trust me!”

“Is this it?”

“I can’t believe my soulmate is a human-”

“Well that was weird.”

“Have you ever exercised?”

“Don’t test my patience, pet.”

“How am I going to tell [Name] about this...?”

“It’s a match made in heaven!”

“Be careful, they’re sensitive!”

“So this is a fruit...”

“When I feel bad I go beat the shit out of someone. It works.”

“DID YOU PULL THE LEVER I SPECIFICALLY ASKED YOU NOT TO PULL?!”

“In DnD we call that rolling a one.”

“[Name] is gonna kill me!”

“Rest in pieces.”

“Hurt them and I make your life hell on Earth.”

“So he’s a dumbass-”

“Someone shoot me-”

“Give it back! That’s private!”

“It was so obvious! I’m such an idiot!”

“Is that all you have?”

“The expedition was successful.”

“There were no survivors.”

“I thought I lost you.”

“Stop! Stop! There’s a cat!”

“Why am I here again?”

“Having detachable body parts is actually a convenience when you’re a cyborg.”

That’s a big ass [Animal]”

“Do you know what you’re doing?!”

“Did you seriously have to pick the lock? When I have the keys?”

“They’re dangerous.”

“And that’s my que to leave.”

“You are my greatest treasure.”

“I seriously hope you’re not thinking of doing what I think you are thinking of doing.”

“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NAKED?”

“Is... is that a dwarf?”

“You’re as odd as your friends said.”

“There is no need for violence!”

“All I wanted was a doughnut-”

“Why are the barn lights on?”

“They got into ANOTHER fight?!”

“You’d think living with a family of sorcerers would teach them something.”

“Thank goodness most dragons aren’t venomous.”

“Nagas are quite fickle creatures.”

“Satyrs are not to be trusted.”

“You walked into the faery ring, you belong to the fae now. I can’y help you.”

“Go ask them out! They look cute!”

“Angels aren’t supposed to fall in love... but how was I supposed resist you?”

“I thought humans were bigger.”

“Your highness is a royal pain in the ass.”

“That hurt.”

“I am not looking forward to this at all.”

“I do not like caves. I don’t like cavbes at all.”

“MOSS!!!!”

“This town seems abandoned.”

“The radiation levels aren’t too high here.”

“Put your masks on.”

“You know you shouldn’t give your name to strangers, especially a fae in the forest.”

“I never realized how big the ocean was.”

“I have an idea- it’s dangerous, crazy, and reckless, but it might just work.”

“Is this your child?”

“I’m surprised Cerberus likes you.”

“Hellhounds aren’t usually friendly.”

“That’s a big meal for one person...”

“Werewolves aren’t fans of silver.”

“The dumbest myth about us vampires is that we hate garlic.”

“What brings you to my territory, little human?”

“Don’t bare your fangs at guests! It’s rude!”

“I’m only protecting you because I made a promise.”

“That was a terrible attempt at a prank. Let me show you how it’s done.”

“You do realize demons can sense emotions right?”

“You foolish human! You could have gotten hurt!”

“Watch your step.”

“It’s called a secret entrance for a reason.”

“Did you just... kiss me...?”

“My soulmate is a dumbass but I love them.”

“This jackassery will not stand!”

“Unless you have a death wish I’d leave those sirens alone.”

“Swim with me?”

“Have you never frolicked before?”

“You’re fired!”

“Does this armor make me look fat?”

“Your soulmate is a Naga?”

“Gargoyles are cranky in the morning.”

“That little fucker is at it again-”

“I don’t remember the last time I laughed like that.”

“Elves are usually attractive... but them... they’re ethereal..”

“I think I’m in love with a snake man.”

“Are orcs usually this big?”

“Confess? And risk ruining what i have with them? I’d rather drink bog water that a Satyr bathed in!”

“Are all humans this attractive or is it just you?”

“Guns are so odd... They only do their job after they’re fired...”

“Are you usually this full of yourself?”

Do you have any idea what you just did?”

“I wasn’t expecting to meet my soulmate when I snuck into Area 51.”

“Turn off the lights!”

“I won’t let you go, not again.”

“That’s so dangerous...! When are we doing it?”

“You humans are so fragile, yet you are the apex species of your planet.”

“IT’S NOT WORTH IT! GET BACK IN THE CAR!”

“Don’t look back!”

“They’re attracted by (heat, sound, etc.).”

“It looks dangerous.”

“Don’t touch it-”

“Careful it’s soup.”

“Did... did that thing just speak?”

“It’s a boat! Oh my god it’s a boat- we’re saved-”

“Keep your distance.”

“I will not hesitate to leave you behind.”

“THEY’RE SIBLINGS?!”

‘I am slightly worried... never mind I am very worried.”

“THEY’RE CHOKING!”

“It’s too damn hot to do anything.”

“Stop singing!”

“Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, kid.”

“That is one ugly ass [Animal/baby/clothing item].”

“I’VE SEEN THIS IN A HENTAI BEFORE!”

“Please shut your trap before I stuff it- shit that sounds sexual-”

“Is that- Is that a fucking cat?”

“That is not what the mean when they say; ‘smash that like button’“

“Where did you learn to drive?” 

“Oof.”

“I’m know I’m stupid but I’m not THAT stupid.”

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you weigh less than 130 pounds? Yeah, quite a bit less.

Do you straighten your hair every day? No. I haven’t straightened my hair in years.

What kind of car do you drive? I don’t drive.

What’s your favorite kind of ice cream? Strawberry, mint chocolate chip, birthday cake, and cookies and cream are good. I haven’t had ice cream in quite awhile, though. 

Do you wear earrings daily? No. It’s been awhile since I’ve worn earrings as well. 

Do you prefer purple or green grapes? Green.

When’s the last time you got your eyebrows waxed? I only got them waxed once and I was like 14.

Have you ever been in a tanning bed? No. Talk about claustrophobia. And I have no desire to do so anyway. 

Did your last kiss mean anything to you? Yeah.

How’s your hair right now? It’s up in its usual messy bun.

Have you ever wanted to go to Australia? I would love to.

What’s your favorite fast food restaurant? I’m not as into fast food as I used to be, but the ones I go to when I do have it are Chick-fil-A, Carl’s Jr, McDonald’s, and Jack in the Box.

When’s the last time you washed your hands? A few hours ago.

Who were you with the last time you were drunk and where were you? I was with a group of friends in a hotel room I rented for my birthday back in 2013.

What is one thing within the last year that if it had gone differently you feel might have changed things now? If I had done some things I should have been doing and managing things better regarding some of my health related issues.

What is something that you associate with summer? The miserable heat.

Have you ever ran around outside completely naked? Uh, no. Absolutely not.

When you’re hungry, does your stomach hurt? Sometimes. My body is super dramatic like that. I’ll feel weak sometimes and it’s like omg stop acting like you haven’t ate in days.

Would you say that you have a nice smile? No.

Have you ever walked in on your parents doing something kinky? Ahhhh, no.

Do you use mouthwash? No.

Do you eat anything out of a box? Yeah.

When’s the last time the fire alarm in your house went off? It’s never gone off. The only time it has made noise is when the batteries need to be replaced.

Can you be trusted with secrets? Yes.

Pill to make you braver or one to make you smarter? Braver. I’d be able to get some things taken care of that I’ve put off because I’m anxious and scared.

Are you in a hurry to grow up? I am grown up at 31 I guess, but I’m in no hurry to get older. I was never in any hurry.

When was the last time you used a bar of soap? Yesterday when I showered.

Do you keep notes, drawings or letters that people give you? Yes. I’m big on that.

Have you ever been locked in a car with a bf/gf? No. How would we be locked in the car?

Have you had a bf/gf that you never kissed? No. 

How many true best friends are present in your life? No friends, but I have my family.

Do you currently have a significant other? Nope.

Do your parents approve of the people you hang out with? They never had an issue with any of my friends.

Would you be able to stand being in the same room as someone you hate? I don’t hate anyone, so.

Have you ever lost a close friend? Yes.

Think of your current or last bf/gf. Do you/did you love them? I did.

Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like? I’m single, but no one said anything about the way my exes looked.

Have you ever stayed up late talking to a bf/gf on the phone or online? Yes.

Do your friends like the people you date? Do their friends like you? They had an issue with Joseph because they saw what I didn’t want to see, which was that he was using and playing me and wasn’t treating me right. I haven’t had an issue with their friends.

Do your parents let you date, or do you sneak around? I’m 31 years old. I can’t blame my non-existent dating life on that haha.

Have you ever felt backstabbed by a close friend? Yes.

Do you have any handshakes with anybody? No.

Do you feel you can rely on anybody to always be there for you? I know my family will always be there.

Have you ever regretted ignoring anybody? I’ve pushed people away and messed up good things. :/

What has been the stupidest reason someone has broken up with you? Joseph just didn’t want to commit. He wanted me when it was convenient and when he felt like it.

Have you ever kissed someone in their bedroom, or in yours? No.

Has a friend of yours ever confessed their love to you? No.

Have you gone out with someone, then ruined the friendship you had before? My first boyfriend and I were good friends before we started dating and yeah it definitely changed things after.

Can you trust any of your friends at full capacity? No friends. I trust my family, though.

Is the word 'love' even in your vocabulary? Yes.

Who do you think is more confusing, males or females? People are confusing.

Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else? No.

Do you have any pictures of yourself with a bf/gf? I have photos of myself and my exes.

Do your friends know how to make you smile in tough times? My family does. My doggo always can.

Has anybody said they loved you, but you didn't love them back? Yes.

Is there anyone you don't like that always seems to be everywhere you are? No.

Is there anyone you care about more than you care for yourself? My family.

What/who do you take the most pictures of? My doggo.

How long did you spend in a vehicle today? I’m not going anywhere today. 

When you make a mess are you more likely to clean it up right away, or do you get to it later? I clean it up right away.

Who do you blame for your bad mood today? I’m just annoyed because yesterday I slept until 6PM and today I’ve hardly slept at all, I kept getting up like every hour. It’s 10AM now and I first fell asleep around 6, so yeah not much sleep going on. :/

By what age would you like to be married? I don’t plan on getting married.

What are you looking forward to right now? Nothing at this moment.

Do you have any split ends? Yes.

Is there a book you're currently reading? Yeah, I’m finishing up this book called, “Anything for You” by Marissa Finch.

Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No.

When was the last time you went to the dentist? It’s been awhile. :/

The last time you cried, what was wrong? Oh ya know, life.

Do you sleep with a fan on? Yes, even now in the winter.

What's the last video game you played? Animal Crossing: New Horizons. 

What do you usually drink at meals? Coffee or water.

Are you going to a library tomorrow? No.

Do you sleep better during thunderstorms? No, but I do enjoy them.

Has anyone pissed you off based on their actions recently? Yes.

What language did you take up in high school? I took Spanish all 4 years.

You’re single, correct? Yep.

Is the last person you texted good looking? My mom is beautiful. 

At this very moment, what exactly are you doing? Besides the obvious I’m listening to an ASMR video.

How do you feel about girls smoking? I don’t care what gender is doing it, I personally don’t like it.

Have you ever been in a perfect relationship? No. Perfect relationships don’t exist.

Is the person you last texted in a relationship? Yeah, my mom is with my dad.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Nope.

Do you like “good morning” texts? I don’t get those.

Last movie you watched? Wonder Woman 1984.

Name something you like about winter: I love Christmastime, the weather, the clothes, the colors, the smells, the coziness...all of it.

What’s your favorite color? Pastels, rose gold, sea foam green, coral, and yellow.

Would you rather be called hun or baby? I don’t really care for either one.

Is there someone that you miss being close with? Yes.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms? When I was little.

Does anyone completely understand you? I don’t think completely. I certainly don’t completely understand myself.

In the last 12 months can you say you truly cared about someone? My family.

You were single last month, why? Uhh, because I’m not interested in or talking to anyone in that way. Like, there’s literally no one right now. No one is interested in me either.

Would you rather get 1, 12, or 24 roses? I’d appreciate any amount.

What is something you like to do when you’re down? Cry and one of my go-to activities I do normally as a distraction.

Do you believe teenagers can fall in love? Sure.

Have you ever received a text message that made you cry? Yes.

Did you enjoy your summer? Last summer was even worse because I wasn’t able to go to the beach, which is the only thing I like about summer.

When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? I tend to just keep ‘em on.

Do you think relationships are even worth it? Yes.

Is any part of you sad at all? All of me.

Do you like your first name? Sure.

What’s most stressing right now? Health and life stuff.

What are you listening to currently? An ASMR video.

Have you done anything embarrassing lately? Not recently.

Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex? Whichever.

Do you judge people you don’t know? Not to the point that I don't want to get to know them, but yeah. <<< That’s a good way of putting it. Like, I think we all judge people to some extent and that’s normal and not always a bad thing, but some people are judgmental people and they make up their own assumptions and opinions without getting to know a person. They have their mind made up and it stops them from getting to know someone. 

Would you date a boy/girl if you knew they were capable of cheating on you? I guess anyone is capable of doing so, so it’s something that could possibly happen in any relationship. However, if I knew someone had in fact cheated before or was known for that, then no I would not. Even if they had cheated once it would be something I’d worry about happening to me.

Did you sleep alone last night? I always do.

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? I’m kinda hungry, but meh.

Would you rather have ten kids, or none? None, hands down. I don’t even want one kid, let alone TEN.

Do you tell your mom or dad everything? I tell my mom a lot.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes? It would absolutely matter to me if they smoked cigarettes.

Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you? Yes.

Do you have siblings? I have two brothers.

[cherrybloomn]

Delicate - Chapter 2

Note: ok Chapter2 is here. Your opinion is always welcomed (criticism included!).

9th of Feb 2020

 

The week has gone by so fast. Naomi had a lot of work in the studio and in her charity. She also participated in three court hearings. As an owner of the charity helping victims of domestic violence, she was usually called by the court to testify. The last trial was scheduled on Friday morning. It was nasty. Naomi was attacked in the court by one of the witnesses, who was to testify in favor of the accused. Thankfully nothing has happened as the policemen reacted immediately. Once Naomi left the court, she was exhausted. Both physically and emotionally. She couldn’t wait to attend the party held by BBN, which was to take place in the evening. It was her favourite way of dealing with reality. Parties, good alcohol and sex, of course. She had a shag buddy - James, who actually believed to be her boyfriend. They were dating once or twice a week. Naomi has been honest with him about her intentions, still he had hopes that maybe one day the thing between them would become something more.

Once she got into a taxi, she heard her phone buzz.

UNKNOWN NUMBER: Hello Naomi, It’s Henry. I have just passed the BBN studio and I thought maybe you’d like to have a lunch with me in an hour or so? I have finally watched The Parasite! It would be wonderful to get the opportunity to talk with you about that. H”

It took Naomi a couple of seconds to realize who the person writing to her was. She looked at the clock, it was noon. On one hand she didn’t really feel like meeting anyone, she was just tired, and all she dreamt of was getting a nap before the evening. On the other hand though, she was hungry. Plus, she thought that maybe Henry could take part in the event she was organizing for children from her charity. There’s no better occasion to ask about that, than at a nice lunch.

N: Hey handsome. Lunch sounds perfect! Could you please pick a place to meet? I’m heading from the Central Criminal Court to my place to change, and then I’ll join you.

H: Lovely. Do you have any specific wishes about the cuisine?

N: Not really. But my top three are steaks, sushi and thai cuisine. I rely on you on that one. Just let me know where and I’ll do my best to get there as fast as possible.

H: Steak house that is! See you soon. Henry attached the address of the restaurant to his message.

Once Naomi got home, she quickly changed her elegant black Dior dress and high heel shoes to floral maxi dress, which she matched with black ankle boots and leather jacket. Isabel Marant vibe. She was a fashion addict. Naomi untied her hair, put up in an elegant bun before. She fixed her makeup, used her favourite perfume and hurried to the restaurant.

It took her fifteen minutes to get to the place. The hostess, led her to the table and took her coat. Henry was already waiting for her.

“Hello!” Naomi smiled and sat down in front him on the other side of the table. She noticed two bottles of water, one of which was empty. “I’m sorry, I hope you didn’t wait too long. It was really hard to get through the centre, though my Uber driver did what he could.”

“No, don’t worry about that! I took my time to make some calls. Today it’s my uncle’s birthday and my mother organizes a surprise party. Everything would be great if, as it turned out, uncle didn’t decide to make a trip today. So once my mother found out, she got very upset as she’s been organizing the party since last Tuesday. Now we’re trying to fix it and make uncle stay and visit us.” He chuckled and rose his eyebrow. “What about your day? Central Criminal Court in London. Sounds serious. You certainly don’t look like a criminal.”

Naomi looked him in the eyes and smirked “Well, don’t judge a book by its cover. Ted Bandy was very handsome and extremally charming, yet he was one of the scariest serial killers in the USA. So was Jeffery Dahmer.”

Henry propped himself up on his elbows, leant towards Naomi and said with a smile “If I weren’t that hungry I’d run away now. It’s hard to keep my wits about me being around such an attractive woman, who has just admitted, that she may secretly be a serial killer.”

Naomi leant towards him too and was to reply, but the waitress approached to take their orders. After the girl went away, Naomi remained silent for a few seconds, just looking at him with a sly smile. “You know what they say. No risk no fun.” She bit her lower lip and laughed softly, turning her gaze away from him. “No, but jokes aside. I run a charity. We help people suffering from domestic violence – mostly women and children, sometimes men. This is why my court visits are rather regular.”

Henry nodded. “That’s a very brave thing to do. It must be hard, isn’t it? I mean, to deal with all the suffering and cruelty. Doesn’t it affect your life?”

“Not as much as it has at the beginning. The world can be cruel, one just has to accept the fact and do whatever they can to make it a little bit better.”

They couldn’t stop chatting. They talked about her charity, about his preparation for a policeman role in a movie, of which Naomi has never heard before. He told her how hard it was for him to get through all the documentation about child abuse. “Nomis. I will certainly watch tomorrow.” She wrote the title in her phone. They talked about their favourite actors, movies, her silliest memories from drama school.

“Actually, I’ve always had huge imagination! And I’ve always loved Leonardo DiCaprio. I saw the Titanic when I was a kid. I had a friend – Caroline, she was under my spell. No doubt about that. I used to order her to play Leonardo. She was him and I was Kate. We played scenes from the movie. ALL of them. Yes, we did kiss each other. Tongues were involved! Of course, I did believe I kissed Leonardo. I remember my mum caught us kissing, and she was very worried what’s going on. After I told her that we’re just in our roles, she banned me from all the VHS other than Disney. Insane. Oh, but I’ve got even better story!”

Both of them shared lots of ridiculous stories from their childhood and teenage years. Naomi literally cried with laughter. When she excused herself for a moment to use the restroom, she realized it was 6 p.m. They spent there three hours. She couldn’t believe, it felt like half an hour.

“Henry, I’m so sorry. It’s very impolite, I know, but I have only realized it’s so late! I have to go. I need to prepare myself for the party. I have ten missed calls from my hairdresser.” She laughed and put her wallet out of her purse. “But I must tell you I had so much fun. I feel so much better now. Let me pay for the lunch, as a thank you.”

“Oh, no. No way! I invited you and there’s no way you pay for that. Plus, I had a wonderful time too. I hope you’ll have fun at the party. It’s a shame I can’t make it. Hopefully next time.”

“Well. Ok. Thank you!” Naomi put her wallet inside her bag, stood up, approached Henry and gave him a kiss on a cheek. “Hope you have a great fun too tonight! Bye!” Afterwards she hurried to get her coat, put it on. She realized she forgot to ask him about his contribution to her project. She quickly came back and waited until Henry paid for the meals. “Good timing, to arrive again after payment” she joked. “Henry, I forgot to ask you one thing! I’m going to organize the event for the kids from charity. Probably in March. We’re inviting different professionals to talk about their jobs – like a physician, a lawyer, a pianist, a journalist. Having an actor would be wonderful. Just to talk about your job. I’m sure kids will be excited. You don’t have to answer now of course. Think about it. Ok, now I’m really going. I wanted to make sure you pay, so that I won’t be called to the criminal court again! Bye!”

On her way home she realized, she had five unread messages from James, her (boy)friend, who apparently has been waiting for her in the café next to her apartment.

Once she opened her messenger to reply to James, she got a new text message.

H: That was quick I had no time to reply. Of course, I’d love to take part in this project. Just let me know when. Once again, thank you for the lunch!

***

[katieskarlette]

Shadows Rising: A Reaction Post

Short, mostly non-spoilery version:  I liked it overall.  I give it a solid B, maybe a B+.

I was disappointed in how little Nathanos and/or Sylvanas content there was, but I think proclamations of the ship’s doom are premature.  

I’m intrigued by the first rumblings of new character development for certain characters, especially Anduin, Alleria and Turalyon.

I was rooting for Talanji so much.  She’s great. Zekhan is a cinnamon roll too pure for this world.  Sira was kind of boring. Fairshaw is so darn heartwarming I can’t stand it. I like Bwonsamdi more now. The lack of Wrathion is unsurprising but unfortunate. Nothing new with Tyrande but she’s already poised for major development in Shadowlands.

Much longer, spoilery version below.

This ended up being more of a ramble than an essay, but there’s a lot of disjointed thoughts pinging around in my head, so let’s dive in.

Overall, I enjoyed Shadows Rising.  Was it the best book ever?  No.  Not even the best Warcraft book ever.  But it was an enjoyable read.  It’s always a treat to get into the heads of characters we mostly know in passing from in-game events.  There are internal, emotional beats that cannot easily be explored in the game, and the books are a way to build the world and the characters in a more introspective, slow-paced manner.  I like that.  (That’s not to say there are no action scenes, because there definitely are.)

Talanji, Jaina, Zekhan, and Anduin were all written well and sympathetically.  Maiev’s only in a couple scenes, but she felt off to me.  Nathanos was very in-character, in all his snide, sour glory.   Flynn and Mathias are great together.

The pacing was fine.  The descriptions were good, and it all felt grounded in the game world (i.e. landmarks, ambiance, the ridiculous amount of stairs in Daz’alor...)  Each of the Horde leaders got a moment or two in the spotlight.  Despite a fair amount of chapters about Anduin, Alleria, Turalyon, and Jaina, it still felt like a Horde-centric book to me.  Not that that’s a bad thing.

Prologue:  Gayness detected on page 8!  And it’s even something I kind of inadvertently predicted.  In my reaction post for Before the Storm I wrote, “ In this book alone, it would have been so easy to have that blacksmith bringing a helmet as a gift to his long-lost Forsaken husband instead of friend.”  That’s basically what we have here.  I don’t know if they were married, and neither were blacksmiths, but the Westfall moonshiner describes one of the Forsaken slain in Arathi as “the best man I ever knew and loved.”  Tada!  See how easy it was?  Add Jago x Wilmer to the growing list of LGBT rep in Azeroth.  (Even if they’re super minor characters in the long run, it’s still great to see.)

There might be some kind of parallel to be drawn between Alleria failing Anduin (by not finding/killing Sylvanas) and Nathanos failing Sylvanas (by not killing Bwonsamdi) but my brain is too overloaded from binge-reading to articulate it right now.  Both failed their king or queen, but both were also given nearly impossible tasks. 

Alleria and Turalyon are definitely being set up as antagonists.  We are clearly supposed to side with Jaina on this, and be uncomfortable (if not outright horrified) at their torture methods.  It’s especially disturbing how they use their respective void and light powers to accomplish their goals.  I mean, on one hand it’s great that both sides of the great cosmic divide can work together, and their marriage seems stronger than it was for awhile there, but yeesh...can you not torture people?  I know, ends justify the means, slippery slope, greater evil, blah blah, but still...that’s not okay.  It’s yet another sign that the Light is not necessarily good (or the void necessarily evil).

I welcome conflict within the Alliance, though.  That’s been the Horde’s thing for long enough.  Time to see how the blue side deals with its rifts.

In chapter 2 Nathanos is annoyed when a dreadtick flies by his head.  What, was it too similar to a bird for his liking?  Heh. 

All that time in Nazmir, and we didn’t get to see a single crawg!  Harumph.

It took three chapters and 39 pages to finally get something from Nathanos' perspective, and he was much more scarce going forward than I had hoped.  The bits we did get from his perspective were great and in-character, but I wanted to get into his head more.  Most of his scenes were from the POV of Sira or the troll villain instead, and while Apari was a good character I find Sira to be pretty one-dimensional. 

I kind of got paternal vibes from Nathanos toward Sira, though.  He was like, “I’ve been undead a lot longer than you; I know how to handle the bloodlust and such.  Get it out of your system at appropriate times but learn to control yourself.  There’s more to (un)life than slaughtering people.”  She herself, though, was just “Rawr, I hate everything and want to kill anything that moves.”  I mean, I get that she’s been through some traumatic stuff, but I didn’t find myself invested in her at all.

Page 42, as a bunch of trolls are about to be slaughtered:  "Hungry birds circled, expectant of a big meal, and Nathanos so hated to disappoint."  WHAT?  Nathanos wanted to do something nice for BIRDS?  I know, the phrasing fits with his dry, sarcastic sense of humor, but considering the running joke about him hating birds, it still made me go, “Huh?”

Chapter 5 (and later on, as it turns out):  Zekhan having a soft spot for kids is too precious for this world.

Page 51:  Thalyssra's eyes were "sparkling as she gazed across the room at Lor'themar."  Awwwwwww.   There was a surprising amount of ship fodder in this book overall, with Lor’themar x Thalyssra, Turalyon x Alleria, Fairshaw, and Zehkhan x Talanji all getting a moment or two (or more.) 

Chapter 6:  Anduin says, "Turalyon, take Alleria Windrunner and investigate these deaths."  You know, Alleria...YOUR WIFE?  I don't think you need to say her last name there, genius. 

While I’m being snarky about the editing, there were at least two times where the word “grieves” was used instead of “greaves.”  I spotted a couple other little things that a better editor (or one with more time, maybe it was rushed, I don’t know) would have caught.

Chapter 7:  More matter-of-fact LGBT inclusion for minor characters, this time a lesbian troll couple who want to marry.  Yes, thank you Blizzard, keep it up.

Chapter 8:  If you’re going to make the “Zappy Boy” nickname for Zekhan canon, having Bwonsamdi be the one to wink at the camera and use it was a great decision.  I can totally imagine him saying it.

We learn the name of Varok’s wife/Dranosh’s mother:  Remda.  Although I read elsewhere that the vision Zekhan saw of the Saurfang family in the afterlife was just Bwonsamdi’s B.S., it was still cool.

Chapter 13:  Nathanos wearing cologne?  Love it.  And it’s not even to cover up the rotting smell, because apparently his new body doesn’t stink like some undead; it just doesn’t smell like a living person, either, and some find it unnerving.  So he wears cologne.  That’s such a delightful little detail, and surprisingly considerate of him.

Sira complaining about bugs:  "We'll be eaten alive."  Uh no, you'd have to BE ALIVE for that to happen. Tsk.

Nathanos being called "the pale rider" makes me think of old cowboy movies.  Like, “You greenhorns better clear out; the Pale Rider is comin’ to town and there’s gonna be trouble.  Go wake up the sheriff.”  

Sira says that while on the voyage to Zandalar the dark rangers liked to tell the tale of how Nathanos was promoted to Ranger Lord by Sylvanas.  I'm surprised he lets them gossip like that!  His quests in vanilla made it seem he wanted to keep those parts of his past on the down-low, at least from the player.

Chapter 14:  Thrall's second kid is Rehze.  *blink*  Reh-zee?  Rez?  Ruh-zay?  I guess she’s not named after anyone.  After he named his son Durak (sort of after Durotan) I assumed he’d continue the pattern with kid #2.  Maybe she’s named after one of Aggra’s relatives.  (Later I read on Wowpedia that the author actually said she dislikes the “fan service” trend of naming children after other characters so she just picked a random orcish name.  I don’t think it’s fan service, because lots of real-life people do it, but okay.  Fair enough.)

Speaking of orcish names, there’s an orc page helping out the council named Gunk.  Like, what you clean out from under your fingernails after gardening.  Gunk.  LOL

Aww, that’s no fun...Maiev's wearing a cape trimmed in white fur, not daggers.  What happened to her impeccable/deadly fashion sense?

Chapter 16:  Zekhan starting to clap at Talanji's speech and then stopping and shrinking back when he realized no one else was applauding was so freaking adorable.

Chapter 17:  Fairshaw, full steam ahead!!!  Their chemistry is everything I hoped it would be.  Learning a little about Flynn’s tragic past was both fascinating and heartbreaking.  (We learned his mom’s name: Lyra Fairwind.  R.I.P.)

Chapter 18:  Proodmoore keep has a gallery with floor to ceiling oil paintings of the Proudmoore family, extended family, and beloved friends.  It now includes Anduin.  I can’t help thinking that, in a different timeline, Arthas’ portrait would have been there.

Will wonders never case?  Ji Firepaw actually gets to do stuff!!!  GASP!

"Thrall understood that to other humans Wrynn was said to be pleasing-looking, but to the orc, Anduin simply looked like a small, pink boy swallowed by clunky armor."  So it’s canon that Anduin is good-looking in-universe.  But LMAO at Thrall’s description.

Chapter 22:  From Shaw’s POV, "These odds ranked pretty low...  Maybe just above the time he had relied completely on a shoddy network of spies embedded in a cheese business."  OMG leave Elling Trias alone!  He did his best!  LOL

Shaw wanting to hang out in a mountain meadow and whittle bird calls (perhaps even with a special someone) was so touchingly normal.  That’s the kind of characterization that the books are so much better at than the game.

I actually like Bwonsamdi more after reading this.  Not that I disliked him before, but I didn’t have a strong sense of him due to not playing Horde as much in BFA.  He’s a well-done gray character:  not good, not evil, insightful but a smartass, part of the great cycle, out for himself but also taking his duties seriously (saving troll souls from the Maw.) 

I’m not entirely sure that we needed as much from Thrall’s POV as we got.  I mean, sure, he’s a familiar character with ties to a lot of others, so it was easy to drop him into situations, and his ties to Jaina made cross-faction communication easier, but he didn’t seem as relevant to the lore of Zandalar and the Shadowlands as some other characters.

Maiev seemed OOC, especially in the Stockades scene.  I know one of the themes of the book was “people change,” and I suppose I should be happy that she has a more moderate viewpoint nowadays, dialing back the Lust For Vengeance Meter from eleven to maybe a five or a six, but it didn’t feel like Maiev.  Especially because her message of “maybe don’t go overboard with this vengeance thing” was aimed at Tyrande, of all people, someone who Maiev has had quite legitimate reasons to dislike for a very, very long time.  I could see her maybe mellowing out a little in front of fellow Wardens, but Tyrande?  Eh, it didn’t feel right to me.

No surprises from Tyrande in this.  She’s still steely cold, vengeance-obsessed, consumed by anger.  Not that I blame her, but it’s not healthy.  I know we’ll be exploring her situation more in Shadowlands, so this was more of a reminder/reinforcement of where she is right now.  It was kind of funny how Thrall, Baine and Calia tried to talk to her and she just gave them the stink eye and the silent treatment, though.

I’m fine with Anduin exploring his dark side a bit more, as long as they don’t go overboard with it.  I like him as an earnest, good-hearted character.  It’s only natural to test your limits, though, especially in times of crisis.  Power corrupts, and he’s got plenty of it, both politically and magically, so I can understand Jaina and Mathias being a bit uneasy.  Add to that the increasing themes about the Light not being as benevolent as we originally assumed, and there’s potential for interesting plot there.  In the end I want Anduin to stay firmly on the side of good, empathy, compassion, etc., but a deviation into the shadows along the way isn’t a bad thing for the story.

I imagine every single person who read about Anduin sneaking off to the Lion’s Pride Inn in Goldshire smirked about that place’s reputation on certain RP realms.  I was surprised he didn’t find scantily-clad elves and draenei dancing on the furniture.  And then it turns out Jaina was there, too.  Awkward!

Why, oh why couldn’t we have had a scene with Anduin and Wrathion hanging out (incognito, of course) in a tavern?  That was their thing in MoP, and now with Anduin desperately wanting to get away from his duties for awhile and soak up some tavern ambiance it would have been perfect.  Let Anduin show off the best taverns Stormwind has to offer.  Even though Wrathion was as much a guest at the Tavern in the Mists as Anduin was, he acted like he owned the place and Anduin was his guest, so let them turn the tables and have Anduin play host.  There could be jokes about how he better not punch Wrathion again or they’ll get kicked out for starting a bar fight.  They could have still seen the young recruits, ran into Jaina, etc.  But Anduin really needs a buddy to hang out with right now.  

And you can’t tell me after Nya’lotha fell Wrathion just disappeared again and never at least visited Stormwind to tell grandiose tales about how he stabbed an Old God, it was so heroic, and he wasn’t scared at all, and those mean adventurers were so quick to believe he’d been corrupted, but he hadn’t, and did you know Azshara was there?  And then N’Zoth almost won but KERPOW LAZERS and oh Anduin you should have seen it, etc. etc. etc.

I should be used to being disappointed about Wrathion’s absence by now, but there are SO MANY MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!

Sigh.  Moving on.

Being exposed to spoilers meant I wasn’t fooled by it, but it was still a deft bit of writing to have the dark rangers drink poison when cornered by Horde soldiers, then mention Nathanos having a vial in his coat, which he drinks when defeated--making the unspoiled reader assume he’s killing himself--only for it to be a kind of liquid hearthstone attuned to Sylvanas.  Had I not known that he survived the book I would have freaked out there.

So, like, was Bolvar just sitting there on the ground awkwardly eavesdropping while Sylvanas and Nathanos talked/argued?  Or did he use that time to sneak away unnoticed?  LOL

Which brings us to the epilogue that’s caused so much hand wringing and wailing from my fellow Blightrunner shippers.  It wasn’t the openly sentimental interaction between them that I had hoped for, but I honestly didn’t read it as the doom of the ship.  A bump, at worst.

[If you’re not interested in the relationship between Nathanos and Sylvanas, or if you’re one of those people who simply hate his character, you can skip the rest of this post.]

First of all, Sylvanas had just broken the Helm of Domination.  That was a hugely significant thing to do, both for her personally and in the cosmic scheme of things.  Her state of mind at that moment had to have been in a turmoil.  So if she was a little distracted and tense, I think that’s quite understandable.

Second, I saw other fans being upset that she threatened/wanted to strike him.  That’s not how I read it at all.  “Sylvanas could strike him, scream and hollow out his soul, but it would not correct the failing.”  She’s not saying she wants to do that, just that she could.  The instinct to lash out in violence is ingrained in all the undead; death knights have to do it or they go mad.  So for her mind to go there in a moment of high emotion seems natural to me.  She doesn’t actually attack him or verbally/physically threaten him.  People say things like “I could have killed my brother for eating the last slice of cake” or “I could’ve strangled my co-worker when she spoiled the ending of the movie” and it’s not literal.

Third, she doesn’t say “go away, I never want to see you again.”  She says “Go where you will, Nathanos, but do not be idle” and “I expect you will return to me with means to prevent [Bwonsamdi’s] meddling.”  So essentially she’s saying, “Fine, go home, regroup, come up with Plan B, and if it’s not possible to destroy Bwonsamdi at least concentrate on countering him.”  Also note that she still considers the operation to be theirs, not just hers:  “This was a blow, but one she felt sure they could overcome.”  That tells me she expects to work with him in the future.

Fourth, and granted this is before she learns of his failure, but she’s clearly happy to have him there when he first arrives.  “’My champion,’ Sylvanas purred.  ‘Your timing could not be better.  Tell me of your victory as we take these first steps together.’”  She wanted to cross into the Shadowlands with him at her side.  Hell, that’s bridal imagery...crossing the threshold together, and all that.  The only reason she tells him to go is because his work isn’t done and she still needs him on Azeroth.  But she explicitly says “I expect you will return to me.” 

Fifth, in the line from her POV about how “the unjust ladder of their lives must be dismantled,” the “they” she’s referring to is all of the denizens of Azeroth, true, but I think there’s also a tinge of bitterness there as she looks back on her own life, and her life with Nathanos.  Destiny has not been kind to either of them.

Sixth, she says “My path lies ahead” as she prepares to cross into the Shadowlands.  It’s a reminder of the scale of the forces she is trying to manipulate.  When faced with the potential fates of all the souls in the universe, her own regrets are insignificant.  She can’t stay on Azeroth any longer, even if some part of her does want to just chill out on a beach somewhere with Nathanos and watch his blighthounds chase seagulls.  She thinks “It would not be easy, but then, her mission required great sacrifice.”  Like leaving him behind.

Even this part can be interpreted different ways:  “She heard the note of hope in his voice, fragile as a fledgling dropped from the next.”  Putting aside the humor of comparing bird-hating Nathanos to a fledgling, we don’t get a value judgment about the comparison.  Sylvanas doesn’t think about him sympathetically, wanting to protect him in a vulnerable moment, but she also doesn’t think, “Geez, what a pathetic weakling.”  It goes back to that bit in Warbringers about how she can’t kill hope.  And she can’t.  Here, again, no matter how bleak things are, no matter how displeased she is at his failure, he still has hope.  And she needs that, whether she believes it or not.

When she “flicked her fingers, as if ridding herself of a speck of muck” that can be interpreted as her thinking of him in a derogatory way, but she was also talking about Bwonsamdi in the same breath so I can choose to believe that’s who she was being dismissive of.

I don’t know.  I get that some of the language is discouraging.  She describes him as having “blubbering lips” and she’s definitely not happy with him.  But these two have been through a lot, and their bond has remained strong.  I’m sure this isn’t their first fight, or the first time he’s disappointed her.  This isn’t the end for them.  Just another bump on a very long highway they’ve traveled together.

...

OMG this has turned into a monster of a post, rambling all over the place.  I hope it’s coherent enough to follow.  I’m just in lore overload at the moment (and enjoying every second.)  I know I’m forgetting things I wanted to talk about, too, but I’m going to go ahead and post it as it is.

[writingfandomfeels]

Scott McCall - Stories From Camp

Every kid always has stories from their times at camp. They get excited sharing them and they almost always include something adventurous and amazing. Not you. The idea of being stranded in the woods with strangers telling you what to do, when to eat, what to eat, and basically giving you chores, sounded a bit like the definition of prison, just in the wilderness. But apparently others found that very appealing. You figured once you’d passed grade school the question of summer camp was no longer there, and yet, here you were. All in the name of college applications. Volunteer work looks good on college applications and since you liked kids you thought you’d try out this camp counselor business. Quick into the gig you found yourself having a lot of fun, especially when it came to another camp counselor: Scott. He was amazing with the kids. You’d already had quite a few shifts with him, each one leaving you grinning like an idiot. At the moment you were on your way to conducting arts and crafts with him and his friend, and honestly, you’d been looking forward to it all day. 

You stood at the head of the long table where the group of small children were talking and playing around with the craft supplies in front of them. 

“If everyone could… if, I could have your attention… if you could please listen…” You stuttered, trying to get the attention of the young group to give the instructions. 

“Hey everyone!!! Let’s all listen to what counselor Y/N has to say and then we’ll make our crafts, okay?!!” Scott projected his voice above the many others and the children quieted down for you. 

“Thanks” you smiled at him then proceeded to give the instructions on the craft. The kids were given the option of either making a card for someone, or making caterpillars out of cut up egg cartons and decorating them. 

“What’s your caterpillar’s name Stiles?” A little boy asked Scott’s friend who was decorating an egg carton next to the child. 

“What? It’s an egg carton.” Stiles replied. 

You saw Scott (who’s face was covered in stickers a little girl had put on him) give Stiles a look, seeming to ask him to be nice to the kid. 

“Uhhh, Jimmy.” Stiles named the carton. 

The boy inspected the carton before shaking his head. “No, I think his name is Randall.” 

“Okay, fine, then it’s Randall.” Stiles begrudgingly gave in. 

As you helped a kid with the glitter glue, you overheard Scott and the little girl he was sitting with. 

“Wow! That looks amazing! What do you think it should say inside?” Scott asked her. 

“Ummmm, well she has really pretty hair. Maybe you should say her hair is pretty.” The little girl suggested. 

“Thats a great idea!” Scott encouraged. “You should write that down for me.” 

The little girl spelled it out loud as she wrote it down with a marker. 

“I gotta peeeee!!!” 

Your attention was quickly stolen from Scott and the girl as a boy stood in front of you, grabbing his crotch and dancing a little. 

“Oh! Okay, let’s go now.” You responded and quickly got up to escort him. 

When you returned, the group was cleaning up. The little girl Scott was with ran over to you and handed you the card she’d been working on. 

“Scott wanted me to help him make it” She beamed. 

“Thank you!” You accepted the folded, bright red, construction paper. 

On the front was a glitter glue flower and a heart that was still drying. Flecks of extra glitter fell off the card with every touch. On the inside it read: 

TO: Y/N. YORE HAIR IS RELY PRITTY. With a few of the letters written backwards. Then it had the word “love” scribbled out and replaced with FRM: SCOTT MADE BY MARIE

You felt a blush heating your cheeks. “That was very sweet of you.” 

The boy that you’d returned with from the bathroom grabbed at your arm to try and pull it down for him to see the card too. 

“Ewww.” The boy grimaced. “Is Mr. Scott your boyfriend?” 

Well if your cheeks weren’t bright red before, they definitely were now. Your eyes darted up, seeing Scott smile from across the room. Quickly you shot your eyes down, trying to hide your embarrassment. 

“Umm, no, he’s, he’s not.” You replied awkwardly. 

“Oh. Well he should be. People don’t get gross like that unless they’re in love.” The boy informed with a shudder that made you giggle. 

Once the craft supplies were completely cleaned up, you found yourself leaving the art cabin at the same time as Scott. You smiled at him bashfully. A moment passed as you were trying to get up the courage to say something to him, when a boy ran by yelling. 

“OHHHH, AHHH, OH NOOOOO, IT’S… HAPPENING!!!!!” The boy yelled and fell to the ground, seeming to be in pain. 

“Are you okay?!” You worried, rushing to the boy’s side. 

“IT’S, IT’S THE FULL MOON, AHHHHH” The boy continued to scream. “I’M. I’M. I’M A WEREWOLF!!!!! AWWOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!” The boy howled. “RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

Unimpressed, you frowned at the child. You really thought something had been wrong when he was, quite literally, just crying wolf. Meanwhile Scott just grinned at him. 

“Actually kid, if you get practiced at it you can control when you turn into a werewolf despite the full moon.” Scott disclosed. 

“Whoa.” The kid stared at him in disbelief. “COOL!!!!” Then he ran off continuing to howl and growl at other kids, occasionally pretending to eat them. 

“Into mythology I take it?” You questioned, relieved to have finally found something to say. 

“You could say that.” Scott nodded. 

A silence fell on the two of you again. Apparently your conversation starter only scratched the ice rather than breaking it. 

“I, uh, I’ve got canoeing next.” Scott gestured behind him to the lake. 

“Oh, that must be nice. You can cool off in the water.” You replied nervously. 

He smiled. “Uhh, not so much actually. You, don’t really get wet. That’s… kind of what the boat is for.” He chuckled a bit. 

“Oh. Right. Yeah, of course, I don’t know why I-” You were cut off when another counsellor called Scott from a distance. 

“Scott!” 

“Yeah!” He responded. 

“We need you at the lake now!” 

“Yeah! I’m on it!” Scott replied. “Sorry, gotta run.” 

“I-right, yeah, that’s- okay, see you later!” You called after him as he ran off. 

***

You didn’t see Scott again until the next night when you were sat across the fire from him. He had brought his guitar and was playing classic camp songs for the kids. After it was discovered that you have a knack for roasting marshmallows, you turned into The Official Best Marshmallow Roaster to most of the kids, receiving many requests to ‘pretty please roast my marshmallow for me Miss Y/N’, and of course you happily complied. 

“Alright, who wants to hear me write a song right now about anything you want?” Scott asked after finishing Down By The Bay. The kidlets cheered. “What do you want to hear a song about?” Different kids began yelling out ideas. “BUGS!” 

“CATS!” “MY GRANDMA!” “BOOGERS!” “MISS Y/N!” The last one caught Scott’s attention. “Ahh, I don’t know.” he responded. “WHO WANTS COUNSELLOR SCOTT TO SING ABOUT COUNSELLOR Y/N?!” Stiles stood up and asked the kids. “YEAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” All the kids yelled in response. “The jury has spoken.” Stiles stated and sat back down. “Um, okay,” Scott smiled nervously then fiddled with his guitar, trying to find a certain chord. He then proceeded to play an awkward but extremely cute song featuring how nice you are to everyone, the color of your eyes, how you like to eat toast for breakfast in the mess hall and so does he, and how great you’ve been making the summer for everyone. When he finished there was a brief silence which was rare with so many kids around. A little girl approached you and tapped you on your knee. “Miss Y/N, will you please go out with Mr Scott?” The girl asked politely. You pressed your lips together in an attempt not to smile and blush even harder than the song had made you. “Oh c’mon you guys! What, you don’t think I can get my own dates?” Scott teased the kids before smiling back at you. 

“Noooooo!” The kids answered. Another counsellor then changed the topic by starting to sing Baby Shark. Your eyes were still locked with Scott’s, both of you smiling at each other. “Do you want to?” Scott mouthed over the many singers. You nodded your head. All you ever wanted was to go on a date with him. And after that song? It was dumb to say but you were melting. “Okay” He mouthed again, nodding excitedly too. Then he jumped in with his guitar and playing the music for Baby Shark. 

***

Just after the campfire was disbanded, a very young child handed you a paper then disappeared without saying a word. You unfolded the note and read it. 

Meet me on the dock at 10:30 -Scott

You grinned at the paper before slipping it into your pocket. Once your cabin was tucked in and fast asleep, along with all the other cabins, you walked down to the dock. You found Scott sitting on the edge of it, his feet hanging into the lake. Taking a seat next to his flip flops, you joined him. “I liked your song.” You said, your eyes fixed on the lake, too nervous to look at him. “Thanks,” You kicked your feet in the water a little bit. “So, uh, what brought you to camp this year?” You asked, attempting to make conversation. “My mom suggested it. Volunteer work makes it easier to get into colleges and universities and Stiles and I could use all the help we can get.” He answered. “Where do you want to go? Or, what do you want to do?” “I’d like to be a veterinarian. I’ve been working at a clinic for a few years now and I love it.” He smiled. “That’s so cool! I love animals. Although I guess I don’t really know anyone who hates them… I mean who can look at a puppy and hate it, that’s just inhuman.” You babbled a bit, making him laugh. “No, it’s true.” Scott agreed. Suddenly your stomach let out an embarrassingly loud growl. “Are you hungry?” He asked. “Yeah,” you admitted, “I’m used to snacking a lot at home so I haven’t really gotten used to the set meals and things here yet.” “You know, I have a key to the mess hall. You wanna sneak in and check out what leftovers are in the kitchen?” “Sure!” “Okay, let’s go!” He stood up from the dock, and took your hand, leading you up to the mess hall. Your stomach fluttered in excitement at the feeling of his hand holding yours. He unlocked the door and you crept inside. Unsure of where the light switches were located, Scott used his phone to light your way. Once in the kitchen, the dim light from inside the fridge illuminated the room. “Now what do we have here, chicken, apples, macaroni salad, ooh!” Scott reached in and pulled out an already cut into blueberry pie. “How about this?” “Looks delicious.” You replied, staring at the pie. He cut a slice for both of you and grabbed forks. You stood next to the preparation counter to eat. While eating, the two of you discussed your hobbies, your friends, and your last year of high school approaching. “It’s all happening so fast, you know?” He agreed. “Yeah, in some ways it feels like high school didn’t start all that long ago. But then you remember everything that’s happened since then. All the changes.” “I hate change.” You stated, shaking your head a bit. “I know I’ve been working towards Harvard, what feels like my entire life, but now… I don’t know it just seems so soon. I don’t want to leave my friends and have it all be different.” “Sometimes change can be good though… right?” Scott said, putting down his fork. You shrugged, still eating your pie. “I guess. I don’t know… it depends.” He took a step closer to you and gently brushed a strand of your hair so it was behind your ear. “What about this?” he asked softly. You looked into his sweet brown eyes. “This… is good…” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “And this?” He leaned in, pressing his lips to yours, his hand cupping your face. Your heart pounded inside your chest as you wrapped your arms around his neck. Fingers tangled into his hair as you kissed him back. He moved his hands to your waist, his tongue gently grazing your bottom lip, seeking entry. Opening your mouth for him, you felt his tongue glide across yours, you replied back in a similar motion. The kiss was broken too quickly though as you felt him suddenly pull away and the lights flick on. You opened your eyes to find a boy in his pyjamas standing in front of the two of you. “What, uh, what are you doing out of bed?” Scott questioned the boy. “What are you doing in the kitchen so late when you’re not kitchen staff?” the boy replied. “That’s… that’s a good point.” Scott paused, looking at you. You gave him a sheepish grin. Scott looked back to the kid. “I won’t tell if you wont?” “Give me a slice of that pie on the counter there and you got yourself a deal.” he bargained. Scott handed over the last slice in the pie plate to him. “I was never here.” the kid said, leaving with his pie. You giggled when Scott turned back to you, breathing a sigh of relief. “We, uh, we should probably get out of here before that happens again.” he suggested. You nodded your head, stifling laughter at the situation. 

That was definitely your best camp story.

[dennou-translations]

Violet Evergarden Gaiden: Chapter 3

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We’d held hands in the darkness. The only proof that we were alive had been our body temperature. Whenever she’d say that she was scared, I’d reply with, “It’s all right”. “Your Big Bro will do something about this,” I’d tell her.

The one who’d affirmed my existence was my little sister. I’d managed to get courage from the fact that I could be relied on. That, yeah, I was an older brother. That she was no good without me, so I had to keep on living.

But I didn’t remember. I didn’t know.

Had someone broken me? Had I broken on my own? I didn’t know.

Still, she definitely existed. If I met her someday, I’d know it was her for sure. Even if I had forgotten, even if I couldn’t remember her, I’d recognize her if I saw her. I wished the same to be valid for her.

That feeling alone stayed inside me like a bonfire.

Whether the continents scattered around the world were big or small made no particular difference for the people living in them. Any place was the same should there be humans living in it. They would plow and grow. Harvest, build and color. Create and fail. Hide, interact, destroy, starve, succeed. Become depressed. Shed tears, coerce. Sparkle, act immoral. Repent, depart, worship. Acclaim, breed, mourn. Become idle. Become nostalgic. They would love each other and kill each other.

And so would he.

Back when a certain continent put an end for once to a war that had extended for a long time, the “Continental War”, battles continued happening in another continent as if it were natural. On the topic of occupations that had deep ties with so-called “wars”, there were mercenaries.

Although there existed different types of them, the mercenaries who wandered that continent were in majority freely warriors who would join any faction depending on the pay. They would head east today and west tomorrow. It did not matter if, for instance, a fellow mercenary with who they had drank together turned into an enemy. They would also not care for whatever happened to the head of the lord whose favor they had earned, or to the village of the woman they had slept with, depending on the money.

And right now, too, a single mercenary was being led to the death that would certainly come to many others.

“So cold.”

Sandy blond hair swayed in the wind mixed with ashen dust. A man with looks that would be a waste should he perish in such a place lay collapsed the way he had been born. His ivory skin, in which golden hair stood on end, was exposed mercilessly to natural threats. The man groaned amidst his clouded memories, asking himself how on Earth things had turned out as such.

——Three days ago, I was killing. Two days ago, also killing.

He recalled several battles that he had surrendered his body to joining in a spur of the moment.

——Yesterday... that’s right, I was in the bar of a small highway town dancing with women, drinking...

The man could more or less understand what had happened. He had extravagantly squandered to his heart’s contentment the reward he received for surviving wartime fire and spent the night with an absurdly fine woman, who had taken notice of his lavish feasting. His lodging and the drinks he had consumed were arranged by said woman. She had most likely administrated some sort of drug into them.

“I feel sick... oeh...”

The fact that all of his belongings had been stripped off him, that the bounty he had earned at the cost of his life had been snatched away, and that he had been left to chance in such a place without anyone bothering to finish him off could not be called anything other than misfortune. Only that his body was not tied up was good luck, but even if it were, he would not have moved. It seemed he had by no means the energy to stand up.

“Some...” he attempted to say, but closed his mouth.

——Even if I call for somebody, there ain’t anyone around. Who even is “somebody” to me, anyway?

The man did not have comrades or family to aid him in such a time.

That was what it meant to live as one pleased. He would make his baggage as light as possible and simply move forward to wherever he saw fit. If he had some sort of grandiose goal, it might lead him to good results. A lukewarm existence would sometimes turn into a hindrance for life decisions. Those who had nothing could probably see a world far broader than those who had everything. However, having no one to grieve for them when tasting such final moments was lonesome.

A pain ran through somewhere in the depths of his chest – the spot that was called “heart”.

“Nope, I ain’t dying.”

The pain ran through, but the man did not have the spirit of someone who obediently perceived fate as fate. He balled his fists, exhorting his body and attempting to stand up somehow.

“As if I’d die... As if I’d die; as if I’d die!”

Perhaps because that roar had been the last of the strength he had left, from head down, the man collapsed onto his back once again after just yelling. Buried by sand, he lost consciousness. In his primary circumstances, he would have died there. Nevertheless, there was a certain number of individuals beloved by the Goddess of Fortune to the point of it twisting their destinies. The fact that a motorcycle was transiting the road-less way and that he met a passerby with a good heart who stopped upon finding him were all the work of the Goddess of Fortune.

The man opened his eyes again after few hours had gone by.

“Who... are you, seriously?” Due to the surprise, but also because he was sitting up, his voice was hoarse.

“I’m Hodgins, a veteran in the middle of a trip. I’m the one you owe your life to for picking up your butt-naked self from the desert.”

He was a bit of a rich man, an easy-going one who could easily chime in with others, extremely calculating and intrigue-loving, who scored a large profit in war gambles and had an upstart. He was an entrepreneur currently in the middle of stablishing his business. That was the man’s first encounter with Hodgins, his lifesaver.

“Why’d you help me, Old Man?!” his harsh voice echoed throughout the interior of the shop.

The two were in an open-terrace restaurant located at the first floor of an inn to which the man had been heading. It was too late for breakfast and too early for lunch. The man was conspicuous. After all, no matter how one looked at it, he was dressed in baggy, obviously borrowed shirt and trousers.

“Ah, I’m sorry. This kid is a bit ill-mannered. Yes, he’ll quiet down... Hm? Wait a minute. ‘Old man’...!? Me...?” Hodgins opened his eyes wide and leaned closer to the man.

That was what he was going to react to?

The youth and the overly cheerful man were a mismatched combination inside the refined inn. It was inevitable that the gazes of the customers would gather upon them in a natural manner, but at a growl of, “We ain’t for display!” from the young man, everyone looked away.

“Old Man, listen to me.”

“No, no, more importantly, how about we clear up the issue of whether or not I look like an old man? I’m indeed past my twenties already, but I’m younger than the people from my generation who are married, my stomach doesn’t stick out yet, and more than anything, I’m a fine man, right? Do I really seem like an old man? Not a big bro? How about you try thinking it over? Ready, set—”

“OLD. MAN!”

As if stabbed in the heart by his words, Hodgins clutched his chest and moaned. “What is it... young man...?” Even his voice was pained.

“Why’d you help me? You’re even treating me to food... What’cha after? I’m telling you I’ve got no money.”

It was true. If the man were billed for a meal in that place now, it would be the end of the line for him.

In contraposition, Hodgins waved his hand to the side. “Nah, I’m not after anything.”

“Then you want my body?”

“You’ve... got too much confidence in yourself. Well, when I first saw you, your body was buried in sand and I couldn’t properly see anything other than your face... so, I thought you were a naked pretty girl who had passed out.” After glancing fleetingly at the man, he turned his head to a different direction, eyes far-off. “When I lifted you in my arms, I noticed you had something extra there... but you were still alive, so I brought you back to the inn with me, stroked your body since you were with hypothermia... and when I realized, it was morning. I knew you had no money just by looking. You had nothing with you.”

This time, the one with an aching chest was the man. “My bad. For... not having anything.” As his voice tone changed quite a bit, perhaps what had been rubbed was a very sore spot.

“Young man, why were you asleep in that place?”

“‘Why,’ you ask...?”

Albeit hesitating to discuss his misfortune, he talked about his situation in a summarized way. Hodgins had listened seriously at the beginning, but from the middle onward, he turned his face to the side and his shoulders trembled as if he were holding back laughter.

“If you wanna laugh, just do it...!”

“Eh, can I? Ahah! Ahahahah! You’d finally earned some and lost all of it?! That’s too pitiful! My stomach hurts... Ah, hold o—hold o—wait up. How about you stop lifting that chair? Let’s calm down? It was terrible, wasn’t it? You’re hungry too, right? Eat up, eat up. Speaking of which, I didn’t ask your name either. Young man, what’s your name?”

Silence.

“Hey, hey, no matter how badly behaved you are, you should at least give your name.”

Pouting, the man muttered curtly, “Ain’t got it.” Seeming to have been made from the colors of the summer sky and blown into a glass ball, his remarkable eyes clouded over, and he defiantly spoke one more time. Crossing his arms, he rested his feet on the table. “I ain’t got a name. I might’ve been given one, but I don’t have any. Call me whatever you want. My registration name from when I used to be a mercenary was ‘Blue’. Since I dunno my name... I went with my eye color.”

Hodgins showed agitation for the first time in front of the man, who had turned into a lump of displeasure. “‘Don’t have any’... What do you mean?”

“Amnesia. My memory’s got nothing but what happened starting from a few years back. I dunno where I was, what I was doing, where I’m from or who I was before this. When I came to, I was lying on a riverbank at the borders of this continent. Back then, I was wearing an armor and a cape... If I hadn’t been picked by a woman gypsy, I’d have died just like that.”

Hodgins at last realized his own words to have been a verbal gaffe.

“You don’t remember anything? Not a single thing?”

Silence.

“Is there something you do?”

That might have been important to the man enough to make him falter even at putting it into words. After showing an expression of hesitation, he finally opened his mouth. “I probably... had a... little sister.” His attitude was almost that of confessing a sin. “Still, I don’t remember her. I just have the memory that she existed, and I dunno what kinda person she was. But she was definitely there. I remember that.”

Hodgins wound up gripping his own shirt at the chest area.

“I tagged along with the gypsies for a while, learning from them how to sing, dance and stuff. Then, in the end, I changed jobs to mercenary. Looked like fighting fit my nature better, y’see. ‘Battle-Hungry Freak’ is my nickname. I’m famous in the mercenary world.” Upon saying so, the man shrugged. “Well, that ain’t a name, though...”

He did not know who he was. Just how worrisome was that for him? The man did not seem to have a commendable personality at all, yet he was apparently concerned about not having a name.

“Hu~n... that so? So, you... were a mercenary, yeah?”

“That’s right. Is it bad?”

“I’m not saying that it’s bad per se. But even so, you got no money, no name or anything at all?”

“No”, “no”, “no”. The man’s rage towards his own life was present at the many sorts of “no”.

“You wanna get killed, Old Man? Just saying it, but I don’t have any sense of moral obligation, so if I don’t like someone, I’m fine with beating them up.”

“Yep, you’re like that. Not a single ‘thank you’. But I... don’t hate insincere guys like you.”

“What’s with that?”

“Also, you see, I have an acquaintance... it’s a girl who resembles you... Even though I’m her legal guardian, I left her with other people and went on a journey as if running away. I sort of got the feeling I couldn’t leave her by herself.”

——Someone who resembles me?

Was there any such person in the world?

“What kinda fella is she?”

Not answering the man’s question, Hodgins gave breadcrumbs to a dove that lay in waiting at his feet for his meal’s leftovers to fall down. Whatever he was thinking, he stayed quiet for a while and suddenly rose from his seat, chasing after the dove. The other doves could not stand his imposing action, batting their wings and fleeing into the sky.

“Hey, what kinda fella is she!?” his angry shout overlapped with Hodgins’s innocent laughter and the sound of bird feathers.

With the town that the doves had flown toward at his back, Hodgins turned around. His eyes seemed to be looking at the man, but were not.

“The strongest and weakest in the world.” As expected, Hodgins was smiling, but his eyes did not form an arc. Regardless of whether the person he referred to was evil or good, the air around him transmitted the fact that she was someone important.

The man frowned.

——What’s that...? A riddle...?

He became even less able to understand the lifesaver in front of him.

“I also have to just go and face her already.” Hodgins had said he was in his thirties, but he seemed older than that as he talked about the “strongest and weakest in the world”. “I can’t tell her... that it’s hard for me to look at her face when she seems sad.”

Eyes crinkling, the man thought:

——This dude... he pretends to be decent but something’s up with him.

He sensed a twist from the laughing other man. The latter spoke a lot at first, but he had seemed to be giving vent to his thoughts rather than having a conversation. Was he not burdened with some sort of enormous problem? One that he truly could do nothing about, no less.

“It’s settled.” Hodgins pointed an index finger at the man and snapped one of his eyelids closed. “If you aren’t anything, won’t you tag along with me?”

“Meaning... you’re gonna hire me?”

“That’s right. You lack too much of everything. Come to my place earn money. You need cash to search for your sister and to get revenge from the guys that threw you naked into the desert, don’t you? In exchange, can you lend me your life for a bit?”

“Hah?”

“Right now, you only have your life, yeah? I’ll buy that.”

At those words, the man’s heart started making astir sounds. He was supposedly used to having his life bought with money, but when asked for it face-to-face, his breathing felt as if it would stop.

“How much is it?”

Upon being asked so, the man was at loss for an answer.

Afterward, the man acquired a name.

“Benedict Blue”.

He also secured a profession and a place to sleep.

The CH Postal Company.

He had a lifesaver who was dear to him.

Claudia Hodgins.

He obtained comrades as well.

He had treaded a long prologue, but that was his story.

Benedict Blue

“The rough explanation ends here. The client who made this request just wants the letter sent definitively. Little Violet will do the ghostwriting. Benedict will do the delivery. It’s a sudden commission, but it’s good that you two were going to work in the same place. I can also count with Benedict for seeing off and meeting on return with Little Violet. I’ll give you a few days’ break when you’re done, so do your best. How’s that? Does it seem okay?”

Benedict observed the golden-haired girl who immediately answered, “Yes” with blue eyes similar to hers. They sat next to each other on a sofa in Hodgins’s room. It was a languid early morning. Work was about to begin that day as well.

The climate, atmosphere and food of Leidenschaftlich, which Benedict was once not used to due to having come from a different continent, now penetrated his body without any sense of displacement.

“Fine.”

He had no reason and was not in the position to refuse. The one in front of him was his lifesaver and superior. He did not show respect for the latter, but felt familiarity from him. Most likely, of the highest degree.

“V, don’t make your luggage too heavy. It’ll weaken my beloved bike’s movements.”

The girl beside the amnesiac Benedict was an individual who had only just appeared into his short life. From the time they had first met, to Benedict, she had rooted herself in the classification of people whom he “somehow could not leave on their own”. She was a stunning Auto-Memories Doll. Her impudence aside, she was an ignorant child unknowing of the ways of society. In the beginning, he had doubted that such a machine-like person come from the military would manage working in the service business, but she was currently the most popular figure of the CH Postal Company.

“That is true. I shall reduce the firearms to the minimum equipment. My body weight is also heavy due to the prosthetics, so it will increase the burden on Benedict’s motorcycle.”

Her fine appearance had always stolen the eyes of whoever looked at her, but lately, he had the feeling that her charm had increased. It was as if spring had been born from within her cold beauty.

“Even if the equipment is scarce, if I am with Benedict, I will probably not struggle in case of emergencies.”

She had become able to smile faintly on occasion.

The biggest incident amongst the ones that they had just recently experienced in person – the Intercontinental Train’s hijacking – crossed Benedict’s mind. And so did a man with an eyepatch, who had showed up embracing Violet sideways as she had lost an arm, and taken his leave.

He had not heard everything about the past of the two, but Hodgins had told him the general story afterward. They were in love with each other. There was no room for anyone to come in-between. Their colleague, Cattleya, had said that the two apparently started seeing each other on off days. “I’m glad,” Cattleya had laughed.

Benedict did not deem it as good.

That was probably the reason why looking at Violet felt somewhat unamusing as of late. He suspected that she was being deceived by a much older man who had conveniently vanished and come about once again.

Putting it positively, he was worried.

Benedict tautly flicked Violet, who had no idea about his feelings, on the forehead with his fingertips. “Not really; you’re light. It’s just that your bag’s heavy. Old Man, you ever lifted V’s luggage? Swing that thing around and it’s like a normal blunt weapon; a blunt weapon. There’s a ton of weapons in it under her clothes.”

Hodgins made an all but deplorable face. “Little Violet... you buy guns with your salary, right...?”

“They were distributed to us back when we were in the military, but now I have no option except purchase them myself. I can only take Witchcraft when President Hodgins grants me permission, after all. I have recently purchased a long-range shotgun. My hands are actually more accustomed to wide-swing maces, however...” Perhaps due to having a desire to acquire large weaponry, Violet moved as though wielding the real thing, staring fixedly at the imaginary weapon.

“No can do, no can do. I’ve gone through the trouble of getting you a cute look, so don’t take stuff like that with you aside from emergency cases.”

“Stop, stop. Giving you a ride would get even heavier.”

Completely shut down by the two men, Violet put on a disappointed expression, as if disheartened. “I am prepared to explain the advantage points of the mace, though...”

Without her having the opportunity to give said explanation, the two were set to depart in haste. Seen off by Hodgins and after Lux, who was on phone duty, waved at them, Benedict and Violet left the agency.

The blond duo swayed on the motorcycle towards wherever.

Autumn had ended, the seasons changing into winter. Leidenschaftlich usually did not witness snowfall, yet icy winds were blowing. Gloves, scarves, hooded coats – even if the protection measures against low temperatures were appropriate, cold was cold. As the one driving, Benedict had no choice but simply endure the chilly gusts head-on. Violet’s artificial arms around his torso were gelid as well. The heat from the part of her actual body that was in contact with his back was the only warmth. He could feel the hold of her arms more firmly than when giving her rides back in summer. Was it because of the coolness or because of her trust in him?

Feeling an itch, Benedict sneezed, “Achoo!” While vigorously speeding up the motorcycle over the vast land, he initiated a conversation for no particular reason, “It’s cold!”

“Yes.”

“V, your prosthetics okay? Ain’t there any downsides or something if they get too chilled?”

“It is bad if the joints freeze, but that will not happen as long as the coldness is not extreme.”

“Hu~n.”

“We mostly roamed around northern lands during the Continental War, so I am knowledgeable of the protections against cold.”

“Well, the place we’re going to – Lontano – is inside Leidenschaftlich, so for starters, it won’t be snowing there this time of the year. As long as the weather isn’t abnormal, that is. There’ll also be no obstacles to my delivery duties.”

“Yes. This is reassuring.”

“Hey, don’t say that.”

“Why not? The climate is stable. The one who said that there would be no obstacles to the delivery duties was you, Benedict.”

“That’s not it; it’s ‘cause you’re with me. When you say stuff of the sort, it feels like something will happen instead.”

“So the weather will become abnormal because of what I said?”

Benedict knew that Violet’s eyebrows were furrowing even without looking at her. He laughed aloud. “Stu~pid. You’ve got it wrong. I’m saying that ‘cause it’s easy for some kinda problem to happen when I’m with you. To make up for your luggage being lighter, we got ready to manage at least an interception if anything in general goes down, but... Lontano is a pretty big city, so there’s lots of thugs. Flashy towns also got many dark sides.”

“What an issue...”

“You got picked by some weirdo and it was fight on; you were attacked by a bandit and it was fight on; the motorcycle broke and we got stuck in some field. Also, what else...? You raise one small thing and there’s no end to it.”

As if to protest, Violet alleged, “I cannot agree with this. Benedict, the fights that you started one-sidedly are also included.”

“That so? Might be bad for me to get teamed up with you.”

After a short pause, Violet objected again – to the part about teaming up with Benedict being a “bad” thing, “I cannot agree with this either... Indeed, I can assume there is a factor in us that makes it easy to bring about some sort of conflict. However, we were able to deal with them. We, the two of us... can deal with it if something happens again.”

It was difficult to tell what she was thinking, and she might well have been merely protesting against the negative reputation of her own abilities. Still, Benedict somehow heard it as something other than that.

“Heheh,” laughter leaked from him in a natural manner.

Her breath coming out in white puffs behind him, Violet added as if just recalling it, “This applies to times of war and not to times of peace, but... we would have even less enemies if Cattleya were included,” she whispered intermittently and Benedict smiled.

“If that happened, there’d really be no match for us,” he chuckled.

From that point onward, the way to their destination took a couple of hours.

The place that the Auto-Memories Doll and postman from CH Postal Company headed to was Lontano. Small in comparison with the capital Leiden, it was the most prosperous city amongst the neighboring ones. The houses formed circles as if to surround an old castle sitting on top of a slightly elevated hill that extended itself for about a hundred meters, a river with the same name as the country flowing nearby.

Enshrined within a solemn atmosphere, said old castle was a famous attraction of the city. While holding the rights to it themselves, the clan that formerly owned it had handed its management over to the city, and the city allowed people to tour inside of it for cheap admission fees. The old castle had become a grandiose touristic spot, for the one who had built it was a well-known architect.

Places with renowned attractions that had cultural value were easy to turn into the aspired cities of young artists. Not an exception to this, Lontano had art and history museums, theatre venues and a market of ancient books, making the urban area into one where lovers of such things would be unable to help themselves just from strolling through it. Before entering the city gates, one could overhear music as young people played instruments by the road, and walking a little into the city, one would find bookstore after bookstore. The vicinities of statues and fountains were packed with people drawing sketches. It was city of gorgeous structure, yet gloomy and easy to get lost in if one wandered into an alley. Albeit a small ward, there was also a red-light district, which was more popular amongst those who had no interest in arts.

“Now...”

Benedict dropped Violet off at the city’s entrance. She would then rush over to the customer who lived in that city and ghostwrite for them. Benedict himself had several packages to deliver around the city. Once the work there ended, they would return to Leiden, where the submission of reports and delivery of more letters would be waiting for them. That was why Hodgins had ordered the two of them to go to that city. It was more efficient than going through the trouble of having Violet use public transportation, as it there was no fare and took less time.

The current time was right before noon, the tourists gradually forming a lively crowd.

“Where. Should. It. Be?”

Benedict’s sky-blue eyes traveled about in search for a good meeting spot. There was a bank, a bakery, a souvenir store, and a statue of a naked woman carrying a child. The bakery also seemed to have a café, and people could be seen enjoying the apparently warm interior and freshly baked bread from the glass windows.

“It’s settled. V, let’s make the bakery our meeting spot. No matter who arrives first, we wait inside.”

Violet nodded curtly. “You want to eat bread, right?”

“I do. That bakery’s bread is tasty. I never went inside to eat it, though. But it’s delicious enough that making sure to buy something there and bring it over if we have deliveries to do in Lontano is almost common sense among fellow postmen. That one with melted cheese on it... let’s make it a souvenir for Old Man.”

Hearing Benedict talk about purchasing a souvenir, Violet blinked. “I comply. But Benedict, did something happen?” Her reaction all but asked if he had gone crazy.

“You’re being the rudest possible to me with that, y’know?”

“I apologize... Well, did anything happen?” Benedict’s act of buying souvenirs for Hodgins purely out of goodwill seemed unbelievable for Violet. Therefore, she uttered her concern for a malfunction in either his body or mind.

Benedict struck the top of her head with a light knife-hand in an expression of sympathy. “Nothing’s up! You just don’t know it, but I sometimes give the Old Man souvenirs! Even Auto-Memories Dolls buy souvenirs to the agency if they go to some exotic place, right? It’s the same as that. The Old Man treats me to food and stuff before payday too... Like lunch, well, pretty often...”

“President Hodgins tends to give Benedict a special treatment.”

——Don’t wanna hear that from you who he treats like a daughter, Benedict thought.

He spoke while turning to the other side, “Welp, he went as far as taking in an amnesiac like me and giving me a name... He might be special to me, and I to him.”

He accidentally, unintentionally voiced it.

“Is that so?” Violet threw in an interjection quite like normal and Benedict was taken aback.

It was not as if he were hiding the fact he had amnesia or that the name “Benedict” had been given to him by Hodgins, but he had never talked about it to his work colleagues. That was because he had until now no trials of explaining he had amnesia in which he had received a decent response. He would either earn uncalled-for looks or have condolence-like words of pity spat at him. Whichever it was, Benedict was the kind of person who would end up irritated at the other party.

He already had a name and social position. No longer was he the “Blue” who had nothing. He did not want to feel ashamed of back when he had lived by his eye color’s name.

——I wonder...

He was not proud of it either.

——I wonder how she’ll react.

She would certainly not make a big scandal, but would probably say something annoyingly depressing. While embracing uncomfortable feelings, Benedict waited for her response.

However, no matter how long he waited, there was no reaction after that.

Their blue eyes repeatedly exchanged stares. A prolonged silence ensued between them.

Finally, Violet tilted her head slightly as if to ask, “Is something the matter?”

Benedict wound up delving into it without thinking. “Hey, anything to say on me having amnesia?”

Violet’s golden eyelashes batted. “‘Anything’...?”

“There is, right? It’s amnesia we’re talking about. That’s rare, ain’t it?” Saying it himself was somewhat embarrassing and pathetic.

Did that mean she was not too interested in his past? He felt a little let-down.

“That is not true.”

The next words he heard changed his feelings.

“It is indeed uncommon, but in my personal subjectivity, this is not odd.” Violet susurrated with a tone that sounded somehow happy, “I also do not have any memories from before a certain point in time. I did not know how to speak, either. Major bestowed me with the name of a flower goddess. Benedict, what meaning was yours given with?”

——That’s right.

It seemed that Benedict having amnesia was not a big issue for Violet.

——That was it.

The girl so-called Violet Evergarden also used to be not even a person, but a weapon, during the time she had no name. And she spoke of it without any pretension. She did not think of it as a shame.

“This is President Hodgins who we are talking about, so he must have given it with some sort of meaning. The two of us can be said to be very fortunate, right? If I had been used by anyone other than Major, I do not know what would be of me as of now.”

If anything, she thought of it as merely a process for until meeting the person she loved most.

“Oh.”

Violet, who was innocent and indeed lacked something somewhere, felt sorrowful and precious.

“So, what is the meaning of your name?”

“I forgot!”

“Then, let’s ask President Hodgins when we return. I want to know.”

“No, no, no! Don’t ask! Well, I’ll go do the deliveries, so you go to your client too! See ya later!” Benedict mounted the motorcycle once again and waved a hand at Violet.

“Understood. I shall leave the name matter for later as well.”

“You’re stubborn.”

Thus, the two headed to work, each on a different direction.

Benedict’s deliveries did not take too long. One house received a package with an assortment of supplies from a mother living in Leiden to her son working in Lontano. Three buildings received documents exchanged between offices. Five residences received letters. In case of absences, he would have a little bit of work either taking the delivery back with him or asking the person’s neighbors about where they had gone to, yet he finished earlier than he had presumed without the need for such things.

He soon entered the meeting-spot bakery, taking a seat from where he could see the situation outside through the glass and drinking coffee. It seemed Violet’s ghostwriting job would still take some time.

——Guess I’ll pick the souvenir first, then.

He was not able to imagine Violet enjoyably choosing a gift, so picking one by himself was probably more efficient. Thinking so, Benedict selected a few items that he had deemed savory from his own experience eating them. As per a request to the clerk, he had Hodgins’s part of the bread wrapped.

“Is this all?”

Sensing the plainness in color of the goods that he had chosen, Benedict tilted his neck. “Hn~, anything else you recommend?”

“How about a pie or tart? Also, these aren’t bread, but I recommend our cookies as well. There are people who come here just to buy them.”

“Ah~...”

“They’re popular among girls. The ribbons are cute, too.”

One woman surfaced in Benedict’s head.

“I’ve got someone who’d like them, but she’s far away now. All right. Just add this pie.”

In the end, he had an apple pie as addition. He then returned to his seat and calmly savored the coffee.

While observing the packet in which he had requested it to be wrapped, he faintly wondered if the person on the receiving end would be pleased with it. He was soon able to imagine Hodgins smiling broadly and taking into his hands the souvenir offered by his brusque self. He could picture the other being a little surprised, and then slowly breaking into a smile after being told what it was. Even the other saying, “Thanks, Benedict”, and himself turning to the side while replying, “It’s nothing”. He would have also been glad to take money out of his deserted wallet for the cookies if there were anybody to receive them, yet...

——She’s hella far away right now, huh.

The one who came to his mind was a girl of dark hair and purple eyes, Cattleya Baudelaire. Much like Benedict, she has been a colleague from since CH Postal Company’s foundation day. She liked sweets, was bad at dealing with hardships, was a scaredy-cat despite looking daring and fearless, and had a childish side as opposed to her appearance.

——Well, guess she wouldn’t be too happy if she got them from me.

They would quarrel as soon as they saw each other. Enough to turn it into a common occurrence within the CH Postal Company. It was easy to tell just by looking that they did not actually do it due to truly detesting one another, however...

——I wonder if she hates me.

...they could not tell it so easily themselves. Although they were in the same agency, they had different occupations, therefore missed each other often. Theirs was a repetition in which dawn would break after the previous time they had fought, and they would forget that the fight had happened and start another fight yet again. Regardless, they would end up talking to one another on sight, unable to ignore each other, and so he thought of pleasing her with something.

——I don’t hate her, though.

For Benedict, the sense of distance between himself and she, who was worthy of being considered a new breed of human being, was something complicated.

——Things just kinda don’t go well with us. I can’t treat her like other women.

As he had never experienced a proper romance, he had no way of knowing what that meant.

After he reflected on all sorts of things, a big yawn left his mouth. He stretched both arms towards the sky with a jerk and arched his body like a cat. And then relaxed once more. Thinking of taking a break from work had all of his strained feelings and body slackening up.

——I’m getting kinda sleepy.

As he had to work since early in the morning and his daily duties had overlapped, the sense of satisfaction from having a full stomach and the gently warm room caused his eyelids to naturally lower. His body was slowly, slowly stolen by drowsiness and he wound up unable to keep his eyes open. The scent of the shop’s interior was fragrant, people’s conversations sounding fun. The elements composing an atmosphere that could be understood from one’s heart loosened Benedict’s caution.

——Even though... V’s coming...

A golden-haired girl surfaced in Benedict’s head.

——If it’s her, well, guess she’ll soon find me.

The café inside the shop was crowded. Still, he believed that, since it was her, she would come to that place at full speed.

——She’ll... look for me.

After he became amnesic, no matter whom he asked, there was no one who knew him.

——It’s okay if I nap, right?

No one had looked for him.

——It’s okay, right?

However, Violet Evergarden probably would. Thinking so, Benedict closed his eyes. He yawned sudden and widely, falling asleep altogether as if he were dead. Consciousness distant, his line of thought floated into the air. He forgot what he was thinking about midway, invited into the realm of dreams.

Calling them “dreams” might be a faulty form of expression. In his case, they were reproductions of memory fragments that he had ended up shutting down. Once released from the real world, the past would come chasing after him and softly tap on his back.

A film that felt like an old friend returning from far away played in his mind. “Why, welcome back, my mate who no longer remembers his own name,” it said. The film would repeat itself over and over inside Benedict’s head.

His reunion with his friend named past would begin with a night sky.

It was a beautiful nighttime, in which a full moon had appeared. His memory version crawled out of an extremely, extremely dark place, and so he was startled at the bright light of said moon for an instant and shuddered.

There was a sandy beach under his feet. Stomping onto it, his shoes were blemished with mud and bloodstains. The dull ache in his entire body was agonizing. He might have earned himself a serious injury. Nevertheless, his legs moved without him being able to mind the pain.

His hand was holding onto something. Something smooth and small that had body temperature.

He looked back. A little girl came into sight. The girl had blond hair much like Benedict, but of a slightly different shade. Her hair was bundled up in a black velvet ribbon.

As their eyes met, she nodded as if to say, “I’m fine”. After confirming so, Benedict ran faster. He trusted the girl following him.

Eventually, his gaze moved ahead. A single boat was fluctuating on the surface of the sea.

——There, we can escape with that, he thought.

He did not know what they were fleeing from. However, if it was something frightening enough to scare him, whether it was someone horrifyingly strong or a large-numbers-against-small-numbers situation, their circumstances were that they had to run away. But that was not the issue.

Benedict turned around and said, “We’re escaping on that thing,     ”

As if having erased it, he was unable to hear her name.

“     , you’re coming too?”

He also could not hear his own name as spoken by the other.

“That’s right. I won’t abandon you. We’ll end up ————. ‘Cause that’s ————’s way of doing things. Without that drug, you ————.���

The color of her hair, eyes and lips – he could see those splintered things.

“But... But even if you ————, even I stop recognizing you as my little sister, even if you stop recognizing me as your big brother, it’s fine. We’re siblings, after all.”

But he could not see her face.

“Even if we forget, I’m sure we’ll recognize each other on sight.”

He could not tell how her face looked. The hues of her ribbon and orbs were fragmented.

“Isn’t that right? If we’re together, even if we forget, we can remember each other as many times as we need. If you find a man that you like or something, you can forget and throw me away. But until then...”

The shades of her hair, her voice and intonation – he could only tell those kinds of things apart.

“...don’t let go of this hand no matter what. If you do that, we’ll really end up forgetting everything,” the past Benedict said as if making a threat.

“I understand,     .”

The two boarded the boat and started rowing toward the open sea.

At last, things would always end at a point where he was looking up at the boat from the bottom of the ocean. And so, he would think that, aah, they had failed.

His body convulsed with a start. The film reproduced inside his head did not go for more than a few minutes, yet Benedict awoke accompanied by a sense of fatigue, almost as if he had gone on a long journey.

Eyes half-open, he looked about the surroundings. Violet was nowhere to be seen. He checked the shop’s clock. Not even ten minutes had passed since he had begun drinking his coffee.

Poising himself calmly, he took the only slightly cold coffee into his mouth. Upon drinking a mouthful of it, he became unable to settle with just a little and downed it in gulps as if it were water.

“One more,” he asked for another of the same thing, raising his hand to one of the shop’s waiters. He had wanted the bitterness of reality, enough for him not to be invited by sleepiness anymore.

——You’ve seen this so many times, yet you’re still scared of it?

Although he had been thinking until just a moment before that she did not have to come, he now wished to see that blunt girl very much.

——It’s fine.

Not even he knew what was fine exactly, but he told himself so.

——It’s fine.

He needed those words.

——I’m... fine. Ain’t that right?

He himself did not give an answer to the question asked.

Benedict wound up sneering. He did not use to be so agitated even back when he worked as a mercenary for the first time.

He looked around again. Nobody was a target of dread. Nothing was currently happening. It was not as if he were rushing through a battlefield in order to earn money either, nor had he been abandoned in a desert completely naked. He could tell as much even without sorting out the situation. He was blessed now and nothing was terrifying. Things were finally peaceful. Too peaceful.

However, Benedict did not know that, the more peaceful times were, the more often would the pain of the scars marking him end up coming back.

——Ever since he took me in, haven’t I grown weak?

Oddly enough, be it mental or physically, wounds were not curable. Their visible parts would heal. However, even if they healed on the surface, just by the atmosphere and the people and things involved when the injury happened overlapping with one another, the truth that “a wound was earned” would return. The figurative scars would chase after people forever like the Moon floating in the sky. And they would ache.

Even if the injury took but an instant, the truth that one had been wounded was eternal.

——When... will I get to remember everything?

The scar from forgetting the one person that he absolutely should not have forgotten was causing Benedict’s heart to self-mutilate without him realizing. If the replaying of his memories had already happened thousands of times, then for those thousands of times, Benedict had been attacking himself.

Without knowing why he would become so flustered, he reproduced his recollections again. They were a repetition of the previous ones. As seen from the sidelines, things were obvious to those who knew of his circumstances.

A new coffee was brought over, but he did not feel like drinking it in that warm place. It was Benedict who had come up with the arrangement, saying that one should wait for the other inside, yet he had decided to wait in front of the shop mounted on his motorcycle. Breathing in amidst the coldness, he calmed down a little. The perfectly clean, icy air within his body cooled down his head. Even if his body shook, it was because of the chilliness.

Suddenly, Benedict looked straight to the side. It was due to him feeling a stare for some reason.

A short-haired blonde girl was standing there. Hers was an unnatural shade of blond, so it was most likely a wig. She was dressed in a milky white satin dress similar to the tone of her skin under a black trench coat. She seemed like the kind of woman who led a life of having her praises sung by men in that city of artists. With a cigarette between her fingers, she blew tobacco smoke out of her bright red lips. Being in a bar surrounded by men all around and laughing elegantly would suit her. The front of a bakery was not fitting of her...

“Y-You—” the woman mustered out at Benedict, with an aspect that seemed to say she had done so unwittingly. Her voice was husky.

Benedict returned her gaze. The woman gave him an odd feeling of déjà vu. Had they not met somewhere before, his sixth sense whispered.

Subconsciously, his eyes went to her hair. If that sister of his had grown up, was a woman with such appearance too old to be her? Still, women could change the age suggested by their looks however they wanted with make-up and clothes. Benedict knew the morning-to-night faces of the women he had spent time with until now. Should he not discard the possibility that she was his younger sister?

Perhaps because the glint in Benedict’s eyes had sharpened, the woman took a step backward, and then threw the cigarette away, leaving the spot. At first, she walked slowly, gradually going in small trots.

“Hey,” when he realized it, Benedict had hopped off his motorcycle and was calling out to her. “Hey, wait.”

He pursued the woman as she ran, grabbing her arm by force. Not liking it, the woman attempted to shake free from him, but Benedict bound her arms behind her back. As she smelled of sickly sweet perfume, it felt as if he was about to suffocate.

“Let me go!”

“You know me, right?!”

“I don’t!”

“You definitely do, don’t you?! No, I... I...!”

——I feel like I know you.

“You... Are you...”

He might have been jumping to conclusions. He was fine with it being a misunderstanding. However, if that was not the case, then he certainly did not want to lose such information by mistake.

“Are you... my little... sister?”

Upon being asked so, the woman covered her mouth with her two hands.

The way back was extremely quiet on that day.

Having finished the ghostwriting for her client, Violet called over to Benedict, who was exhaling white puffs outside. It took him a few seconds to react back, and his face looked almost as if he had seen a ghost. She noticed he had nothing in hands despite having said that he would buy Hodgins a souvenir, and as they went back into the shop, the clerk was looking after it. As Benedict said nothing, Violet was the one to thank her.

Even as she told him, “Well, then, let us go home,” while mounting on the backseat, he was out of it and did not take off.  And even as the motorcycle finally moved, he stopped driving without as much as one minute passing.

“V, my bad. I’m... feeling awful right now. I might cause an accident and get you hurt.”

Violet did not ask if something had happened. As he was certainly pale-faced, Violet changed seats with a, “Then, I will do the driving”, adapting to the necessities of the moment. She had learned how to ride horses and vehicles to an extent during her soldier days. Even as it had been a while since then, she had confidence that she could do it.

“Benedict. You will fall like this, so please hold tighter.”

“My bad...”

“No, if you feel sick from the swaying, I will stop. Please say it.”

“Aah. My head’s kinda hurting a lot. Can I... close my eyes for a bit?”

“That is all right.”

After saying so, Violet looked up at the sky. As dusk approached, the sky was shrouded in clouds, but it did not seem as if rain, snow or abnormalities in the weather would occur.

It was awfully rare of Benedict to candidly bask on people’s goodwill and apologize. Since he was feeling unwell, it was impressive that he had not yet lost only his judgement of having her replace him as the driver. However, the fact that Benedict, who normally had but a big attitude, stayed silent the whole trip, clung onto a girl younger than him and sat on the backseat would be considered a state of emergency by the staff of the CH Postal Company if they saw him.

Of course, Violet Evergarden also understood that it was an emergency.

Somewhat tired as he might be, drowsy as he might be, that man would never let someone else drive his beloved bike. It was a personal vehicle given to him by Claudia Hodgins when the latter was starting his business.

Violet merely spoke to him dispassionately, “Benedict, were you talking to anyone before I had arrived?”

“Yeah.”

“I have good ears.”

“Yeah, you’re like a wild animal.”

“‘I want to run away from here’. ‘I want you to buy me time’. ‘I want you to help me’ – things like that?”

Rather than being a poor talker, Violet was not as proficient at conversational skills as most people, and so she did not know the right way to speak to him at such a time.

“It’s got nothing to do with you,” Benedict replied coldly in a low voice that sounded as if he were repelling her.

As the talk ended there, a curtain of silence descended upon them once more.

Violet was deep in thought. She almost never put effort into conversations. If she was told not to speak, she would not speak. When asked a question, she would answer. She would inquire what was necessary. That was what conversations used to be about. For her, at least.

However, the grown-up Violet now understood things could not be that way.

She spoke to Benedict again, “That lady called you her brother, Benedict, but you have amnesia, right? Is that person your younger sister? Rather... did you really have a younger sister?”

“Where’d you hear that?”

“I was observing from nearby as you were binding that woman’s arms behind her back. I learned from President Hodgins that no one should intervene on male-female relationships. Therefore, I stood in waiting on the spot and watched over you, so as to mediate if it were necessary.”

“What’s the Old Man doing...? Speaking of that, this kinda thing’s called ‘eavesdropping’.”

“Was that person your younger sister? Your appearances when you were side by side did not strike me as...”

The motorcycle passed over a rock while she was speaking, and so the vehicle’s frame floated buoyantly for an instant. It landed roughly and started running once more.

“She did not seem to be your younger sister to me. This is but my assumption, but I believe she is older than you are. To begin with, you have amnesia, so even if you did have a younger sister living separately from you, is there no need for further investigation since you do not remember her?” Violet was much too indifferent. Without any compassion or curiosity regarding whatever was happening to Benedict, she levelly stated her conclusions. Even if should it rub Benedict’s nerves the wrong way.

“Shut up! You don’t know that! She might be the one!” Benedict hit Violet’s back with his fists. “I have a little sister! I have memories of her! That’s the only thing I’m definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely sure of!”

“How come? You don’t have memories.”

“I can tell!”

“How?”

When asked so, he had no choice but speak sentimentally.

“‘Cause I feel love for her!”

Violet dry-swallowed curtly at the word “love”.

“It stayed in me! Even if I don’t have my memories, I have this!”

It was embarrassing and foolish.

“It’s the only thing that’s definitely, definitely not a lie!”

He normally never spoke of love, yet he desperately resorted to it only for now.

——I mean, we held hands in the darkness. The only proof that we were alive was our body temperature. Whenever she’d say that she was scared, I’d reply with, “It’s all right”. “Your Big Bro will do something about this,” I’d tell her. The one who’d affirmed my existence was my little sister. I’d managed to get courage from the fact that I could be relied on. That, yeah, I was an older brother. That she was no good without me, so I had to keep on living. Still...

“I had a sister, and I don’t really get it, but I was protecting her! I was thinking about protecting her no matter what, no matter what...! I don’t know why I’m living by myself like this...! Memory—I don’t have memory!”

——I don’t remember.

“Protect her from what...?”

——I don’t know. Did someone break me? Did I break on my own?

“I don’t know! Could be anything... That’s—That’s not what’s important to me! I don’t care about how I used to live when I was a brat... I supposedly used to have a sister, and the fact she’s not here is a problem for me! I’m amnesiac, and when I woke up, my sister wasn’t by my side; I’d turned into an idiot who didn’t know anything about myself or my sister! I have nothing! But...!”

——I don’t know. But...

“But, I definitely... have a little sister.”

——She definitely existed. If I meet her someday, I’ll know it’s her for sure. Even if I forgot, even if I can’t remember her, I’ll recognize her if I see her. I want the same to be valid for her.

With that thought, all along, he had lived on as if praying.

“That woman said she knows me... I’ve also—I’ve also seen her before somehow. I don’t know whether she’s my sister or not. But even if she isn’t... when that time comes, I don’t wanna have regrets!”

After saying so, Benedict had his face slammed against Violet’s back. That was because the motorcycle came to a sudden, abrupt stop. Benedict’s nose, neither too high nor too low, was smashed, and he anguished for a brief moment.

Violet, the driver and the cause of his pain, turned backward and reached a hand out to Benedict. Their faces were close enough that her golden hair, burning against the madder red sky, brushed the tip of his nose. Violet gripped Benedict’s shoulder as if to tell him, “Don’t run away”.

“Benedict.”

Her eyes – her blue orbs – pierced him like a blade.

“Please listen. I have told you before that I am also an orphan, was taken in and raised, and do not know who my parents are, right? From my experience, individuals who ‘tend to presume on their memories’ will come in contact with vagabonds attempting to do inexcusable things. Those who invited me into the dark by claiming to know me and proposing to discuss it in detail were neither one nor two people.”

Violet Evergarden desperately trying to convey her own words to the other party was just as unusual as Benedict entrusting his beloved bike to someone.

“During my days as a soldier, Major always bore the full brunt of it and protected me.”

That was precisely why, with her rapid-fire speech, Benedict could not seal her lips using stern persuasion.

“After growing up, I was almost murdered by a cultist organization that claimed I was not a human being but a demigod. I know nothing of my past, so even if I am told such things, I find myself thinking that they might be true. Benedict, are you not the same as me in this aspect? There are probably many women who know you. The women that you have dated, the people you have spent the night with until now – do you recall every one of them? You and President Hodgins are similar. In the past, President Hodgins came to the hospital room where I was hospitalized in a state of having drunk his regrets away and talked torrentially. Have you never done something like this? Even if you leave out the likelihood of being deceived by that person... if you are still thinking about doing something...”

Violet’s words were not gentle in the slightest.

“Benedict.”

However, within her own possibilities, she was thinking, thinking and thinking.

“Benedict, do you need back-up fire?”

Currently, she was attempting to do whatever she could to the maximum degree.

“I do not... know whether or not I am your friend. Lux seems all right with being my friend. Cattleya called me a friend too. Benedict, I do not know about you. We spend a large amount of time together, but even now, I still cannot say for sure what definition I should give to others. To me, the people who have told me that I am their friend are my friends as of late.”

What lay between the two of them was their time spent together. From the moment they had first met until now, they had built a relationship of trust.

“That is why, for me, even if you are not my friend, in case there is anything troubling you...”

Just as the forgotten nurturing between Benedict and his sister, it was something precious.

“No, regardless of what the definition of our relationship is, I... I... if there is something causing you to be like this... and if... it is an enemy that I must fight...”

Even if he did not have a past, Benedict had a present.

“...then I will attack it with everything I have.”

He had an ally named Violet Evergarden.

Under the dusky sky, the still young duo lay themselves bare to each other and made one decision.

“Hoo, hoo, hoo,” the low whispering of birds staged the night as something somewhat eerie.

The evenings at Lontano were like those of night-less cities, in which the lights of bars did not turn off even in the dead of the night. What a place so resplendent needed were attention-grabbing buildings, high-grade alcohol and beautiful women. Until the men went to sleep, the women hired to entertain them could not sleep either.

At present, a lone woman was coming out of a bar that still had its lights on, clad in a black trench coat that could as much as melt into the nightly darkness. She was a captivating blonde beauty.

“Where you going?” asked a man who stood by the entrance of the bar with a fierce look.

The woman showed him an empty box of tobacco that belonged to a regular costumer of the bar. “Cigarettes.”

The women who worked in bars had to report everything they did. Their bodies themselves were the merchandize. Unlike normal goods, bodies could walk on their own will.

Should they disappear somewhere, there would be no business.

“Linda’s store is still open. I was told to go buy more. If you don’t hurry and let me go, you’ll get scolded for stopping me.”

She had intended to speak nonchalantly, yet her frame trembled underneath the trench coat. The man eyed her body from head to toe.

“It’s nighttime. That’s not like the middle of the day. I’ll go. Can’t let you go by yourself.”

“I want to smoke outside for a bit.”

“You, it can’t be that you’re planning to run away again, right? You were almost killed before, weren’t you? If you haven’t learned the hard way after that, you’re an idiot. Until you pay your debts, you’re the same as livestock.”

The woman’s lips trembled at being called “livestock”. “It’s not my debt.”

“It’s your man’s, right? He’s the worst kind of bastard who sells women from a continent he never even walked on.”

“I don’t care about him anymore.”

“Even if he no longer comes to see you, you brought this upon yourself. Got no choice but make up for it. Don’t go thinking of stupid stuff... Hitting women ain’t our thing either.”

The woman thrust the empty tobacco box at him as if to hand it over. “I really was asked to get the cigarettes. If you think it’s a lie, go ask about it inside. If you believe me, you can come along. Then I can breathe the air outside a little, and you don’t have to worry about me running away. We’re settled with that, right?”

The man clicked his tongue at the provocative wording, yet seemed to have complied. He asked another employee to take over his post and made an agreement.

“If you take too long...”

The woman waited stiffly as the men talked. Eventually, the two started walking down the stone-paved road illuminated by streetlights.

The woman observed the man. She was there due to being sold by the person she used to be in love with, but she suspected that the man was also being made to work in that shop because of some reason. She might be wrong.

Even if that were the case, in her present condition, she did not have the compassion of others. If she wanted to break free from her current state, which, as the man said, had unfolded from something that she herself had done...

“It’s cold... Aren’t you chilly?”

...she had to act on her own. Even if she was counting with the assistance of a savior, since she had devised the plan by herself, it was her own power.

The lights of the tobacco store became visible. Just a bit more and they would reach it.

——Please, please, please, help me, God.

“You can smoke one cigarette, but we’re going back as soon as you’re done.”

——Help me, help me, help me!

The reason why the woman firmly squeezed her eyes shut was to deliver her wish to the God that resided somewhere out there, but even if she were not doing so, she surely would have closed her eyes either way.

That was because someone had abruptly come running from an alley and whispered, “Yo, the meeting spot was here, right?”

Since the one who had spoken was of a much shorter stature than the man, the kick lunged at him crushed his nether regions, and so the former immediately put a hand over his mouth. As she recognized the face of the person applying force so that the man would not let out a single scream, the woman said, “P-Please! Stop! He’s not a bad person!”

Until a while before, she had not cared for the other, but upon actually seeing something terrible happen to him, that feeling flew off the nest. Perhaps listening to her plea, the lout who had appeared so suddenly took her hand and vanished into the alley from which he had come.

The golden hair of the man running in front of her shone glisteningly even at night, within an alley that did not have illumination. Unlike her wig, it was a natural sandy-blond.

“B-Big Brother,” the woman called the man going ahead with a tone mixed in rapture.

However, what she received in return was gunfire, “Drop it; that’s gross.” While running, the lout – Benedict Blue – clicked his tongue. As the woman was slow at running, he pulled her forward roughly.

A shoe came off the woman’s foot. It was a high-heel one. She wore it because it made the shape of her legs seem bewitching and pleased men. It was not suited for running.

“My shoe came off!”

“Take off the other!”

Being yelled at, the woman did as told and took off the other pair while crying. They were shoes that gleamed silver of which she was fond. However, at the moment, she did not need beauty. She resumed running with all her might.

“H-Hey. W-Why... are you being so cold? You’re going to help me, right? I’m your sister, after all.”

At the question asked with restraint, Benedict answered with a disappointed voice, “Ah, about that: it was my misunderstanding.”

After taking off her shoe, she was fast at running. The woman increased her speed, as to be side-by-side with the one pulling her arm. “Eh?” Her voice reversed to her original one in lieu of the extreme course of events.

“I kinda thought I’d seen you before... but my colleague told me to trace back the few memories I have of my life, and when I tried doing that, you were there. I did know you. But you ain’t my sister.”

Silence.

“You’re the one who ripped off everything I had on me and threw me away in the Inkar-usi desert, aren’t you?”

Still silence.

“I remember until the point where I slept with a fine woman. I don’t recall her face. But, this... blond hair that looks fake... tangled in my fingers big time when I stroked it; that’s the only thing that stayed in my memory. I was mad drunk, wasn’t I? I’d earned the biggest amount of reward money until then, so I guess I got cocky.”

The woman tried to halt on the spot. However, Benedict forcefully pulled her along.

“Don’t stop! Run!”

“I don’t want to! You’re telling me you’ll make me yours next!? I won’t be anyone’s any longer! I hate men! I don’t want to live through being used by someone anymore! I want to go back to me homeland!”

There were tears surfacing in the woman’s eyes, but Benedict was not the type of man to falter at such a thing. He grabbed the woman’s dress by the collar, and after snapping his head backward at once, he followed the momentum and head-butted her.

The two writhed in pain.

“That’s why I said I’m taking you back! Who needs someone like you, shithead!? It’s not like I’ve forgiven you! If I hadn’t been picked up by one hell of a good guy after that, I would’ve killed you a long time ago!”

“If you’ve found out about my lie, then why...!? I pretended to be your sister and asked you to break me out, y’know!?”

“I just told you, didn’t I!? Thanks to you abandoning me in a desert, I’m the most blessed ever now! If I hadn’t met that guy back there, I wouldn’t even have a name and would be sleeping with women somewhere and waking up completely broke! All because I ended up scoring a fate good enough to rewind my life until that point from a shitty goddess like you! It only so happens that you almost tricked me, but I felt like saving you! Okay?! I hate you, so keep just that in mind! Once I help you out, be careful of the roads at night!”

After spitting out abusive language again with another “shithead”, Benedict made the woman run. The woman could not believe it. Up until now, she had told countless men who had slipped into her body about her personal history and attempted to earn their help. However, she had no one.

“You’ve got a terrible look in your eyes, huh. Mine’s pretty terrible too.”

She had no one.

“I have amnesia. I used to have a little sister... but I can’t remember her.”

She had no one.

“Hey, your hair reminds me of my sister’s; can I stroke it?”

She had no one.

“I’ll raise your pay if you stay until morning, so be here. It’s been a while since the last time I wasn’t alone.”

She had no one, and so, she had thought it would be all right to deceive somebody.

Her tears poured incessantly. They flowed down as if to block her mouth and nose. It was hard to breathe. Even so, she had to say it.

“I’m sorry!” while sobbing, the woman apologized to Benedict.

“Aah!?”

“I’m sorry for lying to you! I’m sorry for those two times!”

“Shut up! I told you I wouldn’t forgive you, didn’t I!? Those two times! I won’t forgive for the rest of my life!”

“But—But, I’m sorry! Sorry for pretending to be your sister!”

In the middle of passing through the alley, they heard gunshots from behind for some reason. The ones who monitored her – a merchandize – had probably come chasing the two. Benedict took a peek backwards, but continued running without minding it.

“They’ve come after us!”

Benedict was already replying to the woman’s shouts with a, “Shut up!” as easily as breathing.

Bullets went past their feet and sides. However, the gunning that was intense at first gradually diminished as the two rushed through the alley. Benedict shot back behind his shoulder as a diversionary action, but did not attempt to hit the other party at all.

Once they reached the end of the alley, Benedict kicked off the half-open lid of a skewer route and opened it fully. “Now, fall!” He kicked the woman into it. He did hear her scream, but having climbed the way up, he was aware that it was not too great a descent. Before going down as well himself, he looked at a certain direction. “V...”

Beyond his gaze was a comrade of his, who had promised to hit his enemies with all of her power as an interceptor.

She was on the top of a tree far away from the current position of Benedict and the woman. Violet Evergarden, who was sniping the group that chased after them, had taken aim upon confirming that gunshots were coming from said group. She targeted the firearm in their hands and pulled the trigger. The perfect trajectory of her bullets passed by Benedict and the woman’s sides, hindering the people that obstructed their way.

Realizing that his own gun had been flicked away by someone, the man who had fired the first shot raised his voice in astonishment, “You’re kidding me, right!?”

While he was in shock, the unseen sniper continued attacking. One of them attempted to target and shoot at the back of the woman, who was falling behind as she ran, but also had his weapon destroyed before he fired, and although he was attacked, he was easily able to defend himself against it.

“Don’t shoot without thinking! We’re under aim!” another yelled, but on such a dark night in an alley like that, the panic of having someone snipe only their weapons so precisely caused the men to lose their normal nature.

“STAY AWAAAAY!”

A legend of the battlefields, unknown to those who lived in cities through making women into food, was making them insane. They blindly faced the sky and shot at random. Bullets came flying to Violet’s direction as well, but did not as much as touch her body.

Guns had something called “effective range distance”. The guns used by the men were not suited for long-range shooting. Things also depended on the skills of the person using it, so differences in distance occurred even with that type of gun.

With a long-range rifle adopted by the military, Violet was taking aim from her position on a tree that the men absolutely could not see. “Target seized... Fire.”

The sounds of shooting echoed.

From far away, she could see someone’s gun falling down from his hand. “Fire, hit.” She moved mute and quickly, as if carrying out a simple job. “Fire, hit, fire.”

It would be fine if her face distorted in pain from the impact of shooting.

“Fire.”

However, Violet’s facial expression bore no emotion.

“Fire.”

Eventually, as everything became quiet, while exhaling a deep breath, Violet ceased to shoot and descended to the root of the tree. It would seem that the long-range shotgun she had bought just recently with her own salary had done a satisfactory work for her.

As she succeeded at the “back-up fire” in the literal sense of the term, she immediately left the spot.

The shooting battle that took place in the city of Lontano over the night turned into a much bigger occurrence than Benedict and the others had imagined, and the situation got to the point of the military police being dispatched. It so happened that people other than the woman behind the scandal had blended with the confusion of the turmoil and fled the city from the shadows, but those were stories unknown to Benedict and Violet.

A few hours had passed since the troublesome escape feat.

“Ouch!”

“Shut up! Hurry and put them on!” In a world wherein flowed the light of dawn, Benedict threw the shoes he had been wearing on the woman’s face.

While muttering complaints about him flinging the shoes at her, the woman tied them on. She had been running around the whole night and shaking off their chasers with Benedict, so her feet were injured and wet with blood. The pain was severe, but the exhilaration of managing to escape allowed her to feel as if it did not matter. Moreover, as she put on Benedict’s shoes, although they were too big, it became easier for her to walk in comparison to when she was not wearing anything on her feet.

Benedict was shoeless instead. He had cut wounds in his entire body. His clothes were ripped everywhere as well.

“Hey, why?”

“Shut up... Don’t ask so many times.”

“But, it’s just... I keep wondering why. Until now, nobody had helped me out, so it’s very strange to me.”

At those words, the face of Claudia Hodgins crossed Benedict’s mind. His good-natured employer and lifesaver. He, too, had bestowed Benedict with clothes and shoes when the latter was naked.

——I also kept asking why, I guess.

People who had never been treated kindly would think of unconditional love as the beginning of something terrifying. They firmly believed that everything others would bring them was either reprimanding or abuse.

“I told you, didn’t I? It’s ‘cause I was picked up by a good guy. That’s why.” A small smile escaped him.

“Benedict.”

His name called from behind, Benedict turned around.

With leaves on her head, their accomplice of the day, Violet Evergarden, was holding out tickets for the first train of the morning, which would now depart. “Also, take this as well.” Together with the ticket, she left in the woman’s hands a bag of freshly baked bread presumably bought in a nearby shop.

The woman eyed the bread and Violet alternately, tears forming in her eyes. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Be careful on your way...”

“You’re the one that had least to do with this... Thank you, really.”

“No. It has to do with me. I was his ‘back-up fire’, after all.”

Hearing that, Benedict laughed loudly. When she had talked about being his back-up fire, the connotation was simply of lending a hand, and he had not thought she would actually put it to practice.

As Violet and Benedict were the only ones who knew the meaning of that, the woman tilted her neck. “Benedict... you too.”

“Use ‘Mister’.”

“Mr. Benedict, you too, thank you very much...!”

“Again, be careful on the roads at night,” Benedict replied with a threat incorporated to it.

The time of depart had still not come. The duo, having decided to leave her there and disperse, finished their farewells with a “see ya” and started walking away.

“H-Hum! Mr. Benedict.” Perhaps still having something to say, once Benedict turned around, the woman was smiling, her blond hair fluttering in the morning wind. “You see, I had an older brother... I haven’t seen him for years now, so I can’t remember him, but when I was a child, I used to call him ‘Big Bro’... I really did have those feelings in mind when I called you that.”

“So what?”

“If I were your little sister, I’d definitely search the whole world for a big brother like you!”

“You ain’t her, though.”

“I’m not! But one day, for sure—!”

One day, you will find her, the woman smiled faintly.

At that moment, Benedict’s sky-blue orbs opened wide. An indescribable, strange feeling rushed throughout his body. If so-called memories were provided to people by traveling across not only their souls but also the particulars of their bodies, and if they could be remembered through a small trigger in case something was forgotten, it might turn out as that sort of feeling, like a tingle from an electric shock.

The woman waved, still smiling. He did not tell her to shut up.

“Stu~pid.” His voice trembled. Turning roundly on his heels, Benedict started walking.

Violet followed him from behind.

——Aah, I…

His vision was shaky.

——Why? Why did I think she was my little sister?

He could now clearly tell. She was not at all like his sister. Firstly, although both were blonde, the shades of their hair were completely different, and although his sister was also fine-looking, she and that woman had different characteristics.

“Benedict?”

Yes, his sister was not such a lustful beauty, but instead had more of a fickle appearance. She had a well-behaved voice tone and demeanor, and was not the kind of person who would refer to others as “you”.

“Benedict, please wait.”

To begin with, she rarely ever called him “Big Bro” and mostly called him by his name. He did not remember that name, but he remembered her calling it.

“Benedict, you will trip if you walk like this.”

——Aah, out of all things... out of all things...

“Benedict, why are you crying?”

Out of all things, he just had to remember his little sister because of a smile from the woman who had knocked him off into hell.

“My, welcome back, my friend who no longer knows his own name.”

——She was a crybaby and a scaredy-cat. She’d always hide behind my back and follow me in trots. I liked the most when she’d come running at my direction after spotting me. That’s why I’d make her look for me on purpose sometimes. The times when we were together were happy, and he rest was hell.

I did have a little sister. She was there all the time. That’s for sure.

In my oldest memory, she was by my side. It was really cold when we woke up. We were in a place that was like a stone tower. She was the closest to me, and was shivering too. The adults hadn’t given us any blankets, so I called her over and the two of us clung to each other. When I asked, “Who are you again?”, her face looked like she was about to cry and she said, “Don’t forget me”.

I was told afterward that she was my little sister, so I thought, “That’s right”. She said I was in a pretty bad condition. That I’d almost died because of a head injury that apparently I myself had earned. That I was quick to want to die when my ego blew off. I’d get disposed of if I went crazy just one more time. That’s why she cried to me, begging me to stay sane.

My sister remembered a lot more than I did. We actually didn’t live in that place and we did have a family. But people would forget things little by little in that place. When I asked if she was certain that I was her older brother, she replied that she was. “You’re forgetting stuff too, right? How do you know?” I asked. When I pressed with a, “That’s right, how can you know?”, she cried even more that, “I have the feeling of love left in me, so we’re family”. She had a weird personality, but after those words, I thought I just had to protect my sister.

The adults called the tower “home”. At “home”, small children were recruited to do adult works. There were all kinds of jobs. Like delivering things, or retrieving them. Jobs in which someone would die when I performed that sorta labor. Those who were good at work were also ordered more direct stuff. It seems I’d gone nuts when they piled up. If you failed your duties, your little brother, little sister, older brother or older sister – the smallest numbers of each of our family members – would get killed. The people that knew and loved us were hostages. Well, that does make people go mad.

“Home” was like a tiny military unit. We always went to different places. From what the adults would say, “home” was a temporary employee placement livelihood. They were preparing human resources able to endure any type of battle mission from scratch. Come to think of it now, they’d give me medicines and incense without a break every day for some reason.

My sister, myself and the others, who were forgetting a lot of things, were apparently human resource pupils. From what my sister told me, in that jumble of children, I was the most apt for those jobs. It seemed I was the one who took the biggest amount of medicine, so my forgetfulness was pretty bad.

Could humans be created from scratch after being made to forget everything? On top of that, could they be raised into the strongest human resources? The answers were “yes” and “no” – you could say both.

We’d end up going crazy at just one cogitation. We were quick to become suicidal. There was no meaning in soldiers who couldn’t be used for long. I was probably insane but pretended to be normal for my sister’s sake.

The adults would say that they’d hire us once we grew up. That, for the moment, we were livestock.

It seemed that the adults monitoring us had lived like us in the past. “Aren’t there only idiots here?” I thought. They hadn’t learned anything even after those horrible things were done to them.

I decided that, if we had to become adults in that hell, we’d better run away. My sister was crying. If we tried to escape, the adults would come to kill us for sure.

The feeling of wanting to die had always been in me. If I was gonna die anyway, I’d wanted to die for my sister. Whoever did something to her that she didn’t want to was shit. I wanted to kill them.

She was the only pretty thing in that pathetic world. I don’t know if she was really my sister. But even if we just happened to have the same hair and eye color, she was my everything. She was the girl I’d wanted to protect the most in the world. Even though she was all I had...

“Your Big Bro will protect you,     , okay?”

Even though she was all I had... I’d surely failed to set my sister free.

Tears poured from Benedict’s eyes.

“Shit…”

The tears that poured from them flowed continuously, eventually penetrating the earth and disappearing without fulfilling any purpose. They would nevermore return. Never would they go back to the eyes that had produced them. Similarly, the important person who had poured out of Benedict’s life would surely not return.

——Life... is shit.

In his memory of taking her by the hand amidst the night, running away and, lastly, watching the boat from the bottom of the sea, if his sister was on that boat, just how would her young self have survived afterward? Had she drifted and been picked up by some kindhearted person? Had his overprescribed sibling survived just fine after forgetting about him and about herself? Was she living well somewhere under that same sky even as they were unable to see each other?

That was but a dream story.

The world seemed filled with happy stories, but they were actually very few. Stories and real life were...

——I didn’t need a life like that.

At the very least, Benedict’s life tasted of the sea. It was too salty and undrinkable. Such was it even now. The tear droplets that spilled down his cheeks, passed by his lips and dripped from his chin had the flavor of the ocean. Benedict’s past was chasing him and strangling his neck, so as to kill him from sadness. He wanted to scream and break into wails, asking, “Why?”.

——End it right now. God, why’re you doing this? End it right now. God, there’s no salvation for me. Please help me. End it right now. God, I can’t breathe because of the pain in my chest brought by this sadness. Hurry, as soon as possible, right now, bring this life…

“Don’t go crazy; don’t die,” she had asked of him.

——...to an end...!

Yet he chose death. After all, surely, his sister had already died long before.

He had always fled from such truth. He had merely forgotten about it. Things such as wishing that he would not die in a desert and thinking about eating bread with someone had stemmed from his made-up other self. He was simply a fake that had pretended to be sane and survived somehow. Even if he was in the past, his original self had yearned to die for a long time. It was false of him to be currently living and showing gratitude to somebody. He certainly had forgotten what should not have been forgotten because it was easier that way.

The painful and the easy. When sorting them out, he had picked the easy. There was no mistaking that he had wanted to try forgetting everything and live freely.

He was cursed for it.

“Was it fun?” If he were asked so, he could answer that it was great fun.

——Yeah, all of it was fun.

In his new life, after meeting that man, the humidity and temperature of the of the continent he was brought to upon being picked up were different, and everything was fresh. The motorcycle that he was granted in place of holding onto a gun or sword had showed him many worlds.

He merely delivered things. He had thought it was only that, but upon seeing it for the first time, being a postman was difficult. Every day, he was at loss from being scolded by the clients or receiving excessive gratitude. It was strange for someone like him, who had never gotten a letter, to be delivering them.

Oddly enough, whenever he saw the smiles of the people on the receiving end, he would feel as if he were doing an extremely good deed. He had found it weird that a postal agency had been chosen for starting a business and was unused to it, but he had come to understand that the reason for being of such job was to perform labor.

It was simply delivery. If one was able to walk or to ride a motorcycle, be it a woman, man, child or elder – anyone could do it. It did not have to be him. It was not a work that only he could do. However, he thought that this mere delivery was not bad. He deemed it as fun. Deliveries in which he was able to please others were enjoyable.

No matter what he did, the sights he would see were unlike the ones from when he was a mercenary. The small discoveries that he would find during a delivery – minor things such as there being a delicious bakery or going faster by taking a certain road – were fun. But more enjoyable than anything else was that he had a place to go back to, no matter to what part of the world he went. Even as he returned in tatters, once he opened the office’s door, there was someone who would say, “Aah, welcome back, Benedict. Good work”.

In the world where he had started walking as if he had suddenly been born, ever since he had met that man, yes, it did seem foolish, but the world had gained colors as though he had met his fated woman.

——It was fun, it was fun, it was fun, it was fun, it was fun. I shouldn’t have enjoyed himself, and yet, I had so much fun. What have you been doing? Why were you enjoying it? You weren’t in position to. You’re a person who should’ve died without knowing what “fun” was. Be over, be over, be over, be over. Everything should come to an end. Let’s end this version of me now. Ain’t that better for everyone? There’d be no harm for anybody if there was one less person like me, with no family or lover, in the world. I’ve had enough fun. As for the people who’ll be sad for me, it’s enough if I can count them with one hand. I’ll erase myself and make this dirty world clean in the end. You shouldn’t be having fun. What you gotta do is just one thing: go face your sister, who’s smiling inside your head.

That was why Benedict impulsively searched for his gun with one of his hands.

Surely, people died that way. Sorrow would seal their throats and they would die unable to breathe. They would die from having more sad moments than happy moments.

He felt that he would not be able to live even if for another second. It was not that he wished to die. Rather, he was taking a decision for himself that he had to die.

Was there any living being that wanted to die as soon as it was born? Most of them supposedly wanted to live. Yes, they wanted to live. Live a wonderful life, if possible. A life that would make being born worthwhile.

However, it by no means went well all the time. Life was not something that one would prepare beforehand.

“Ugh... uuugh...”

As a result of choices made, there were countless changes. There were times in which only grievous things would happen. A series of things such as regretting being born.

Hardships were like gelid rain that God would pour over anyone. It would be great there was a place to take shelter from it or an umbrella, but there were times when one could not find them. The prolonged rain would cause one’s body to grow cold and the roots of their teeth to shake. For people, it was something difficult to endure. When it became impossible to withstand, people...

“Sto... p.”

...would crave death.

“St... o...”

When living became hard, they tended to look for what was easier. It was nothing strange. What was wrong with running away? The least amount of pain was better. The shortest suffering was better.

The purpose of living creatures was something that they decided on themselves.

“Sto... p.”

Still, yes...

“Stop.”

...the same had happened when he was in that desert.

“Stop it; why...?”

A certain number of people, beloved by the Goddess of Fortune, were able to filter out of such instance. If one thoroughly prodded into it, they would find it was but the result of something that had been piling up.

The work of the Goddess happened in a vivid way. If one were to ask what exactly that was...

“V...”

...it would be somebody showing up to hold whoever’s hand when they attempted to die.

At the cliff of his life, the one who had acted as his back-up fire appeared.

What the Goddess brought about was different for each person. For Benedict Blue, in the present moment...

“Benedict.”

...it was Violet Evergarden.

——Why’re you holding my hand, out of all things?

Just as the older brother who had grabbed onto his younger sister’s hand in the darkness, Violet gripped Benedict’s. Upon squeezing it once, she changed her hold into that of lacing fingers together and walked on, guiding him. “Benedict, let’s go home.”

Even though he had been unable to take a single step, he wound up walking.

“That is no good.”

He could not take his gun while she was holding his hand.

“If you are crying, you cannot see what lies ahead.”

Although he wanted to shoot a bullet into his head, he could not.

“I will pull you by the hand, yes?”

Upon being told by that girl, who resembled his sister, to return home…

“Let’s go home.”

...he wound up thinking that, aah, he had to live.

“V...”

The reason why he had not been able to leave her on her own one way or another from the first time he had seen her was that their appearances were similar. Both had golden hair and blue eyes, and were somewhat lonely. He felt as if he had always, always made of her something like a substitute for his sister.

“V... I...”

He was unable to take his eyes off her and even referred to her by a nickname.

“I... probably... killed... my little sister... I’ve remembered it...”

Although he had forgotten his sister, some part of him ended up thinking that, if she were alive, she would have turned out that way. His tears became unstoppable at his own idiocy. He would wonder, “Why did my past self fail if she was so important to me?”

“We abated halfway, and I got separated from her... U-Uugh... It’s... It’s like I killed her...”

Violet clasped his hand even tighter. “You do not know that yet, right?” Rather than like a younger sister, she was like an older one. “Just as that person said, you might meet her again one day,” she whispered as if to admonish him, as if to soothe him.

“Impossible... Impossible... I was definitely the only one... the only one who survived... I... I was...” He shed too many tears, the words cut off by his weeping. It was suffocating. He wanted that suffocation to end.

“Benedict, nothing is definite. My Major was alive too. Who can 'definitely’ say that your sister is dead?”

The hand that she had joined fingers with throbbed. However, were it not for that pain, it felt as if he would soon let go and kill himself.

“But... But y'know...”

“We have dealt with quite a lot today. We can deal with it from now on too. Is that not right?”

“I was... I was... better off dead...!”

Crying that way, just like a child, was foolish, Benedict thought. There was no turning back anything anymore.

“I was better off dead!”

Even if he cried, he had already lost her. He had no idea where in the world to look for her either. Should joined hands let go, if the other party was not nearby, they could not be joined again.

“Benedict.”

Violet’s legs stopped completely. Did the crying Benedict look like a little boy to her? She came closer, forcing his head over her shoulder. “Let’s go back, Benedict.”

“Where to?”

“To the company. You and I only have that place.”

Silence.

Indeed, they did not have anywhere else. The people who would wait for them and hold their ground without going insane were indeed nowhere but there.

——But is it okay for me to go back?

“I’ve... done horrible things in the past. It’s just nobody knows that I... when I was mercenary...”

“Yes.”

“I did a lot of stupid stuff. It’s not forgivable just ‘cause I was a kid.”

“Yes.”

“I... But...”

The face of Claudia Hodgins crossed his mind.

——I shouldn’t... go back.

The sense of exhilaration as he walked for the first time with the loose-fitting shoes that man gave him. The jokes the other would tell while spewing complaints when hanging out with him. The laughter from when they would drink and make a ruckus together.

——But...

His eyebrows lowering whenever he was troubled. His back arching whenever Lux was angry with him. The sweet voice he used only for women. The strength he showed to him. He was the only good-natured person in the world that could become attached to an amnesiac man who had nothing.

——I do wanna go back.

He wanted to return to that good-natured person so, so keenly that it filled him with tears.

“But even so, you will live, right?”

Benedict dry-swallowed. Those words almost felt like a bullet shot into his chest. He was so surprised that he became wordless. She was normally a taciturn and did not use decorated words. But she would sometimes boldly bring the truth to light.

“You will live, right?” A little bit of pleading was mixed in Violet’s voice.

The hand that Violet had joined with his. Her artificial fingers.

“Let’s count the things you have done and the things you will do from now on, so that you shall not forget.”

They were proof of the things she had lost and the things she had broken. As well as a symbol of regeneration. Such fingers delicately laced him in place.

“Until you die someday.”

The girl in front of him had accepted that agony much sooner than he had, without running away or averting her eyes from it, and simply stayed amidst the sadness.

“Today... For today, let’s go home.”

That was Violet Evergarden.

“Now, let’s walk. Do you recall that our shift was only until morning and that our day off would start at noon?” Gradually, but still by pulling his hand, she guided Benedict. “Yesterday, we wound up going back to Lontano without finishing our reports. We had promised Lux that we would submit them today without fail. We are too tattered to go to work looking like nothing happened. Surely, if we show up to work like this, there might be a huge scandal, right?”

As Benedict was told so, they surfaced in his head – his quarreling comrade from the founding day, Cattleya; Lux, who had been picked up from an isolated island; their colleagues from CH Postal Company; the city of Leidenschaftlich; his own past; his current occupation; his new name and the man who had given it to him.

“I wonder if Old Man will be mad...”

Claudia Hodgins. The man who gave him everything he had now. He wanted to see the other very much. As he reminisced to the other’s voice and face, his chest seemed about to burst.

In Benedict’s life, his past included, Hodgins had been the only adult to provide for and protect him.

“You were able to meet President Hodgins because you were alive. You can find your sister as well. Surely... People like us are no good if we do not believe so, Benedict.”

He had enough strength to live by himself, no matter where.

“Today was very tiring, right? Let’s go home.”

However, the warmth of having a guardian changed Benedict, who used to loathe ties of obligation. The CH Postal Company, which Violet said to go back to, had already become his place of return.

Benedict looked at the sky. The Sun was rising. Behind him, the shadow that the night had melted into was now reflected richly. The road ahead was brightly illuminated. Just like the past and the present.

“Hey, V.” As Violet asked what the matter was, he muttered while wiping his tears with the sleeve of his shirt, “The thing about me crying is a secret between us two.”

The figures of the two as they walked on holding hands probably looked like that of siblings who got along well.

   “Right now, your life is all you have, isn’t it? I’ll buy that.”

At those words, the man’s heart started making loud noises. He was supposedly used to exchanging his life for money, but he seemed about to stop breathing at being asked for it face-to-face.

“How much?”

Upon being asked, the man was at loss. “Dunno.”

As he answered seriously, Hodgins laughed, “What a fool; give a high price.”

“Why?”

“You could give a sum that I can’t pay for, so that I’d have to hire you for the rest of my life.”

For an instant, he had not understood what was said, and so he answered after a moment, “Don’t wanna! Whatcha saying!?”

“I mean, you have nothing, right?”

“Don’t keep saying 'nothing’!”

“We’d be like a family if we’re together, even if we aren’t related by blood. Just give a price that I can’t pay.”

“Hah?”

“Like I said, we could be like a family. Well, that’s fine. More importantly, your name.”

“No, no, hey, you’re definitely a weirdo, right?”

“It’s come to me!”

“Old Man! It’s like you’re not listening to what I say, ain’t it!?”

“All right. Listen ve~ry well.”

“You listen well!”

With an extremely happy-looking face and little shyly, Hodgins said, “It might be a bit pretentious. I understand his feelings now. Ah, no, y’see, it’s my own feelings, so to say. I’m putting into it my wish of wanting a young one like you to be this way.”

At that second, the only one in the world who witnessed the shine in those blue eyes was Claudia Hodgins.

“It means ‘blessed’; how about ‘Benedict’?”

He knew for the first time the joy of having his life blessed by someone at that moment.

“Let’s take it after the god that administers divine protection. Leave ‘Blue’ to be your surname. The name you gave yourself plus my ‘Benedict’. ‘Benedict Blue’. Yup, it’s a good name. Nice to meet ya, Benedict.”

Even as he became hurt when replaying his memories, he would be blessed whenever someone called his name.

“Stu~pid.”

 He did not want to let go of that blessing ever again.

“Aah, Benedict and Little Violet. Welcome ba... Hey, this isn’t okay! What happened...!? You two come here! Little Lux, the first-aid kit!”

Albeit a little long, that was the story of Benedict Blue.

[lunnanunna]

Doubts

X1 12th Member AU:

Summary: X1 take time to voice their thoughts and doubts about these last few weeks.

A/N: Now, that I was my laptop, I can finally post this! This has been on my mind ever since the voting scandal began. I really do hope that the boys are okay and that they lean on each other. 

The practice room was filled with heavy breathing, the mirrors steamed, and X1 splayed out on the floor in various states of consciousness. Jae-in looked around and saw empty looks on each of her member’s faces, a vise grip on her heart at the sight. 

This wasn’t supposed to be happening, not again. Their future wasn’t supposed to be uncertain, but here they were worried about whether or not they’ll be able to continue as one, or have to go back to their companies. 

Jae-in took one more look around the room and turned to Seungwoo who was sitting next to her, knees brought up to his chest, eyes hidden behind his bangs. She scooted over to him, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. Startled, he looked up.

“I think it’s time for a team meeting. Don’t you think?” the girl asked, looking around. Seungwoo did the same, then nodded.

“Okay, everyone. Let’s gather up,” Seungwoo announced and motioned everyone to come and sit in the center of the room. Slowly, everyone got up and moved over. They sat in a lazy circle, everyone either looking at Seungwoo or at the ground.

Jae-in felt a nudge and looked to see Seungwoo giving her a small smile. She knew right away that Seungwoo wanted her to lead this discussion with him.

“Okay, so, I know that this is pointless to ask, but how are we all doing?” Jae-in started off, and just as she expected, no one answered. So she did, “Well, I’m actually not doing so good.” And just admitting those few words, she felt her eyes sting. 

Everyone looked up at her with a mix of worry and understanding. She felt a hand take hold of hers, and when she looked up at the owner, she saw Hyeongjun holding back tears.

“This shit sucks,” Seungyoun stated from across the circle. He was looking down at his sneakers tugging on the laces, “We worked so hard. Those months were hell, and now-” A quiet sob escaped the boy. 

“They won’t actually… we won’t…” everyone looked to Yohan and waited until he gathered his thoughts. He knitted his eyebrows together and stared at the floor, as if waiting for it to give him the right answer.

“Don’t,” came the answer to the unasked question. Jae-in turned to Wooseok, watching as he folded his arms across his chest, anger showing on his delicate features, “We can’t think like that. It’ll only hurt us more.”

“But, everyone is saying that we should,” Dongpyo stated meekly.

“That’s not fair though! We didn’t do anything wrong!” Minhee protested.

Hangyul placed a hand on his knee to calm him, “When is it ever fair?” 

“Guys, these negative thoughts aren’t helping,” Seungwoo said, though he sounded so down that Jae-in wondered how many negative thoughts he’s been having.

“Oppa’s right. Though so are all of you,” Jae-in stated looking around the group. “This isn’t fair, but when is it ever fair. Yeah, they’re taking it out on us, just a bunch of kids with dreams, who only knew how to power through that awful show. But we can’t keep thinking about these things.

There are plenty of people out there that are supporting us that aren’t even Oneits. Kpop has become, please excuse my language, shit.” A chuckle came from somewhere on her right, and when she looked she saw Wooseok with a small smirk.

“Noona, just swore. Lowkey, impressed, but also scared,” Seungyoun said, bittersweet smile in place.

Smiling, Jae-in continued, “Even though, everything looks bleak, and scary, we can’t let them win. We have to keep fighting. We can’t let Oneits do all the work.”

“We need to get stronger and show them a better side of us. Our journey with each other and Oneits hasn’t ended yet, so we shouldn’t quit,” Seungwoo added slowly, seeming to pick his words carefully.

“I just don’t think I can take another disbandment,” came a whisper. All eyes turned to Hangyul, who let a tear drop.

Jae-in got up from her seat and sat herself in between Eunsang and Hangyul. She reached up to wipe the stray tear, startling him.

“I can’t promise anything, I’m sorry,” Jae-in apologized, stroking his cheek, Hangyul squeezed his eyes shut. She turned to the others, “There’s no reassurance here. This industry sucks, and scandals and disbandment happen, all things out of our control. But if I’ve learned anything from all the trails I went through with B.A.P, it’s that the more we dwell on the ‘what ifs’, the more it affects us. We need to rely on each other, even more in these next few weeks or months. It’s okay to be hurt and to show it. Please don’t hide it, emotional or physical,” she said the last part looking at the leader who sheepishly looked away. 

Seungwoo cleared his throat then added, “Don’t pretend to be okay, but also don’t let these negative thoughts take control. If your thoughts get too loud, scray, or dark, please come find me, or Jae-in, or even each other. Just don’t keep things bottled up.”

“I trust you guys, it’s just stressful,” the maknae finally voiced his thoughts. “I know that I shouldn’t listen to the bad people, but they’re everywhere.”

“Then we go off of SNS,” everyone turned to Wooseok at the suggestion, some with blank faces others about to protest. “I’m serious. When I went through my scandal, the negative comments were everywhere. The things they said were… well they were terrible. Jinhyuk had to take my phone away on multiple occasions to get me to stop reading them. It took awhile, but it worked.”

The room was silent after Wooseok spoke, no one knew what to say. Yes, they had all heard what happened years ago, but Wooseok never spoke of it, so neither did anyone else. Said, boy was starting to squirm under everyone’s stares, so Jae-in stepped in.

“So it’s settled. No SNS until this issue is resolved,” Jae-in said clapping her hands once. Wooseok looked at her with an almost invisible smile.

“What about Oneits?” Eusang asked, the rest also chorused their agreements.

“Sadly, this won’t be the first time that we leave Oneits dry like this, but the staff can upload some photos for us if we really want to,” Seungwoo stated, folding his arms, a pensive look on his face.

“I guess that won’t be too bad,” Yohan said, and slowly the others also said the same. A comfortable silence fell on the group, but was soon interrupted.

“Okay, since we had a team meeting, and I do think that this helped,” Seungyoun said looking at Seungwoo and Jae-in, “How about we have a team meal, then maybe a game night?” Everyone perked up at this.

“Oh, yeah? And who’s paying for this team meal?” Jae-in asked. 

“Eomma and Appa of course,” Hyeongjun stated materafactly, then giggled. 

“Oh, you rotten boy. You betrayed me!” Jae-in gasped, hand on forehead, eyes rolling back, as if she’ll faint. She was quickly shoved to the ground by Hangyul, the room filling with laughter.

“You’re so dramatic,” he stated getting up to get his things, the others soon following.

“Yah! Be nice, I’m paying!” Jae-in shouted, but was ignored. She felt a pair of hands lift her up by her armpits. When settled on her feet, she turned to see Seungwoo.

“Thanks, Jae. I know that I’m the leader and all, but you really helped today, and well always,” the leader said giving Jae-in a hug. 

“You can lean on me or the others any time,” she stated hugging him back, “Being the leader of one group is hard, but being the leader of two, I honestly can’t imagine. So I’ll find any way that I can to help take some of that load.” To this Jae-in felt her leader’s arms tighten around her.

“Thank you. Really.”

“Hey, this is cute and all, but your kids are hungry.” The pair turned and saw that the room was now empty except for them and a smirking Wooseok at the door.

Jae-in and Seungwoo laughed, and quickly gathered their things and followed after the younger.

Jaein’s Masterlist

[artificialqueens]

Ever Since We Met (Branjie) - branjie-mattel

Authors note: I’ve been living for lesbian Brooke Lynn and Vanjie and this is the first chapter of the story I came up with.

Summary: Brooke Lynn is a perfectionist relying on routine and precision. Vanessa starts working at the café down the street and Brooke Lynn is forever changed. A disruption in her routine.

Chapter One

Brooke Lynn was a person of routine and precision. She was a perfectionist. She was organized and put together. She knew her schedule from the back of her head and could probably tell you exactly what she would be doing 5 months from now on the spot. That being said, Brooke’s days pretty much looked the same every day. She would wake up at six thirty, feed the cats not five minutes later, she would take a shower for fifteen minutes, go to work and then come home again. Some weekends she would join her friends and go out, meeting new people, getting to know someone just for the night, breaking her everyday routine just a little, then get back to reality. She liked the control though, liked always knowing what her next move would be. She was a perfectionist.

It was a regular Tuesday and Brooke made her way to her usual Tuesday lunch spot, alone this day since Nina stood her up.

”I have to finish these papers honey, but you go by yourself and enjoy some Brooke Lynn alone time.”, she had told her.

Brooke wasn’t mad about it though, she really did enjoy her alone time. She had no problem doing things by herself. So she did as her friend told her and walked into on the small café just down the street from her office. She came in around twelve every Tuesday and was always greeted by the same loud voice and huge smile.

”Brooke Lynn! Time for some lunch?”, Silky, the owner of the café, shouted to her from across the room.

”You know it, Silky.”, she sat down by the table, phone in her hand to text Nina as she waited for one of the usual girls to come and take her order, all of them already knowing her favorite picks from the menu.

The café really was nothing special. It was a small space, the decor was old and mismatched. If someone just walked by the place on the street and looked inside they would probably not bother to go in. But the food was homemade, always served in huge portions. Silky made everyone feel welcome, treating everyone like she had known them for years. And on top of that, they always gave Brooke discounts, refills, extra sides or toppings to her meal for free. So Brooke had always enjoyed it. This actually might have been Brooke’s favorite lunch spot after all, she realized.

She heard footsteps towards her table but didn’t bring her eyes up from her phone just yet as she finished writing her text to Nina.

”Hi. I think I’ll have my regular salad today, and just my usual extra toppings, and the same coffee as always, please.”, Brooke said while putting her phone back in her pocket, still not looking up at the waitress, but expecting it to be either A’keria or Yvie, the ones that usually took her order and always stayed a little longer to chat with her.

But Brooke was wrong.

”What now?”

Brooke looked up at the sound of an unfamiliar, loud voice sounding like it belonged to a Disney sidekick, and met a face equally as confused as her own.

”Sorry, I thought you were Yvie or A’keria, uhm, they all know my usual order.”, she found explaining herself particularly hard when the other woman’s dark eyes looked at her without blinking, a smile appearing on her full lips.

”And what would your usual order be? I ain’t no mind reader, baby.”, the woman grinned, tapping her pencil against the paper in her hand.

Brooke’s jaw dropped at the last word. She was still looking at the woman and she was pretty sure she had never seen someone that beautiful in her whole fucking life. Her short figure was covered in a yellow dress with a white apron reaching down to her knees. It was the same dress that all of the people working at the café wore, it just seemed to suit this woman a lot better than anyone else, Brooke thought. Her dark hair was hanging in curls against her small back frame. A huge tattoo of a sphynx cat covered a bit of her chest and the dimple in her chin seemed to grow deeper by the second.

Brooke realized she was staring.

”Sorry, a number five salad with extra olives and cashews, and a coffee with milk.”, Brooke quickly looked down again but didn’t miss the amused smile growing bigger on the woman’s face as she wrote the order down.

”Sorry, and also a water, please.“

”Shit, you Canadian or something? You said sorry three times in like thirty seconds girl!”, the brunette laughed and Brooke looked up again.

To her own surprise, she couldn’t get a word out. She was usually the most confident person in the room, untouchable, always having a smart comeback. But the sight of those two piercing eyes somehow made her soft.

And unable to speak, apparently.

She was relieved when she heard Silky’s loud voice from across the room before Brooke could answer.

”Vanjie! Leave our favorite Canadian customer alone!”, she yelled.

The woman, Vanjie, Brooke guessed, left with a wink and laughed.

Brooke Lynn couldn’t finish her regular Tuesday meal that day. A disruption in her routine.

”Take care Mami.”, the woman had told her right before she left and it made Brooke’s mind spin so much to the point where she almost got ran over by a car as she crossed the street, being too distracted to pay attention to the traffic. What was going on with her today?

Brooke made sure everything went smoothly and according to her schedule for the rest of the day, although she did find herself distracted. She wasn’t able to focus and every task seemed to require a little more time than usual. And Nina seemed to notice all of it, but didn’t mention anything.

Friday came around quickly after that and Brooke found herself sitting at her desk at work as usual, impatiently staring at the clock.

”Okay, what’s the matter?”

Brooke turned her head around at the sound of Nina’s voice.

”Hm?”, Brooke answered half heartedly.

”You’ve been extra in your head these last three days, you seem distracted, I guess. Did something happen?”

Brooke loved Nina and how concerned she sounded at that moment. Brooke rolled her eyes. Because she knew she had been a little distracted lately because the only thing on her damn mind seemed to be a pair of dark eyes and brown curls framing a breathtakingly perfect face. That was it.

”Nothing’s wrong, I’m just hungry.”, she lied, biting her lip, ”Maybe we could go to Crunch down the street today?”

Nina raised her eyebrows.

”The Tuesday café? But we always go to Chipotle on Fridays?”

”I’m feeling spontaneous.”, Brooke shrugged.

”Since when is Brooke Lynn Hytes spontaneous?”, Nina looked as amused as she looked confused.

”I guess I’m full of surprises! Let’s go.”, Brooke said as she threw her bag over her shoulder, ignoring Nina’s suspicious glare.

”My two favorite office hoes!”, Silky shouted as soon they entered the café and Brooke laughed while making her way to their usual table.

Silky’s way of talking and big personality had been confusing and a little overwhelming to her at first when they started coming there, but Brooke had quickly learned to love that about her, the way she always seemed to shout and swear in the most loving way to all her costumers, like she had known them for years.

”Hi Silk, how are you?”, Nina smiled, giving other woman a hug before she sat down across from Brooke.

”It’s all good, boo boo, you know me, a bitch ain’t had a day off since-”

”-December 2011.”, Nina finished Silky’s sentence for her and the woman chuckled.

”That’s right. So what can I get you two today?”

”Could we have two of the cream cheese bagels, maybe? We haven’t had those in a while”, Nina started and looked at Brooke for approval.

”And coffee!”, she added as Silky wrote down their order.

”Coming right up!”

Nina started talking to Brooke about an upcoming meeting next week and Brooke knew it was important but she just couldn’t focus..

”Okay, what are you looking for?”, Nina said after a few minutes of trying to talk to her before giving up.

”What?”, Brooke answered, not even realizing her eyes had been roaming the room, probably from the second they walked in, searching for a short brunette with hypnotizing eyes.

”You look like a lost kid looking for their parents at the grocery store or something. Or a white woman looking for the Louis Vuitton sale.”

Brooke laughed.

”I don’t, I’m just thinking about that meeting next week that you were talking about, I have to write down some notes and make some calls.”, she lied.

Nina did not believe her one bit but only shot her a suspicious glare. Brooke was about to reassure her when she got interrupted by a loud voice next to them.

”Two cream cheese bagels and two coffees with milk for you ladies.”, the brunette, Vanjie, Brooke recalled, said as she placed their order on the table.

”You’re new!”, Nina noticed and looked up at the woman with her kindest smile and grabbed the brunette by her hand, ”I’m Nina. We’re regulars here, usually only on Tuesdays though but this one here decided to be a little spontaneous.”

Brooke stared Nina down, hearing the waitress laugh next to them.

”I’m Vanessa, but everyone calls me Vanjie.”, the brown eyed girl, Vanessa, shook Nina’s hand as she introduced herself before turning to Brooke who felt like her tongue were stuck in her throat and her lips glued shut.

”Brooke Lynn.”, she finally managed to say, trying her best not to shake as she took Vanessa’s hand.

What the fuck was going in with her?

”Brooke Lynn. Cute. Imma remember that one.”, Vanessa left with a wink, leaving Brooke with her jaw hanging open once again.

”Holy shit, now I see why you wanted to come here!”, Nina whispered but Brooke could hear the excitement in her voice, ”You have a crush!”

”Oh, shut up, Iv’e only seen her here once before.”

”Is this why you’ve been so distracted lately?”

”Shut up.”, Brooke hissed and started picking at her food.

Thirty minutes consisting of Nina teasing her and wiggling her eyebrows knowingly passed before Brooke noticed the sound of heels against the floor getting closer.

”Ya’ll done ladies?”

Brooke looked up at Vanessa, smiling shyly.

Since when did she start to act like a fucking teenage girl with a high school crush?

Snap out of it.

“Yes, thank you, it was delicious.”, Brooke answered, knowing Nina looked at her with that teasing, dorky grin on her face.

“Nothing but deliciousness at this place, honey.”, the shorter woman quickly replied with one of those winks she always seemed to give her and Brooke was caught off guard once again.

Nina couldn’t stop laughing.

That night, Brooke couldn’t sleep, the words baby, honey and Mami were ringing in her ears on repeat, making her head hurt. When she finally fell into a slumber at four in the morning, she dreamed about two dark eyes watching her, two soft hands around her waist and a pair of lips for her to kiss.

And as Brooke kept going out for lunch at the small café for the next two upcoming Tuesdays, watching Vanessa arrive with her food with a grin and leave her with a wink, the dreams only continued. Becoming more and more intense. Leaving Brooke more and more distracted.

“Why do I always let you drag me out to this place?”, Brooke laughed as she joined Nina and Shuga in an Uber on Saturday night that week.

“Because you need to let loose a little! You should put going out clubbing in your calendar every Saturday from now on.”, Shuga laughed, doing a little dance in her seat.

“There’s not gonna be nothing there I haven’t seen before.”, Brooke rolled her eyes.

She’d much rather be curled up on the couch with her cats watching some shitty reality show by now. Still though, going out with her two closest friends was good for her, she knew that.

“Stop being pressed about it! We’re gonna have a good time!”, Shuga said, looking at her phone.

Nina offered Brooke a knowing smile and nodded. She knew Brooke was more introverted than the other two and she didn’t really enjoy the club life.

But maybe going out, dancing and talking to strangers at the bar with too much tequila in her system was what Brooke needed, she could use a distraction from her other distraction.

Five shots of tequila and two hours later, Brooke was on the dance floor with Shuga and Nina twirling around her.

She felt like she did all this on routine too, though. There was a clear pattern every time she went out, even if she tried to let go. Two tequilas in and she’d hit the dance floor, then two more tequilas, usually given to her by strangers who wanted to take her home. Then a smoke break at her secret spot, then another shot. It was the same almost every time they went out.

Except this time it wasn’t.

Brooke was about to excuse herself to go for a smoke when she heard a loud laugh and a voice that she would probably recognize anywhere by now, despite only hearing once or twice a week for the last month or so.

The taller blonde turned around instantly, facing Vanessa standing on a table across the room. Dressed in a tight red vinyl dress and a drink in her hand.

Brooke felt dizzy.

Nina seemed to notice Brooke’s sudden reaction and looked over at the direction where Vanessa was dancing care free on the table with two other girls.

Brooke didn’t stop her own dancing as she watched Vanessa with Nina by her side.

She was unable to take her eyes off the short brunette and the way she was dancing like there was no others in the club. She swayed her hips, flipped her hair, smiled brightly towards her friends and then, suddenly, looking directly at Brooke.

Brooke was gonna faint.

Their eyes were locked as they both danced from their spots at the club, neither of them blinking. Brooke was full on staring until it became to much. She snapped back to reality and turned to Nina.

“I’m going for a smoke. I’ll be right back.”

She quickly made her way through the back door out to her usual smoke area by the containers. No one except the people working at the club really knew about this spot so she didn’t have to deal with other drunk smokers trying to talk to her or feel her.

She lit one cigarette, breathing it in like fresh air and then lit another one.

“Those things are so bad for you mama but you sure look hot as hell smoking them.”

The voice caught her off guard and she turned around quickly, facing Vanessa standing just inches from her.

“Did I scare you?”, she laughed after seeing the shocked expression on Brooke’s face.

“No! Or well, yes. There’s usually no one else out here.”

“No they all out smoking outside the front door, socializing, not standing here by the trash cans.”, Vanessa pointed out, an amused smile tugging at her lips.

“Thought you could use some company though.”

Vanessa took one step towards her and she was so close to Brooke that she could feel her breath on her face.

Brooke shivered.

“I saw you dancing out there.”, Vanessa said, not blinking.

“I saw you too.”

There was so much tension in the air now you probably couldn’t even cut through it. Brooke was paralyzed. Vanessa’s face was so close. If Brooke just tilted her head down a little she could kiss her. Press her up against the wall and kiss her until neither of them could breathe. She could do that.

But she didn’t.

Vanessa fluttered her lashes, her brown eyes staring into Brooke’s. Not making a sound.

“Brooke! Shuga lost her wallet you need to help us look- oh.”

They both jumped at the sound of the heavy door being slammed open.

Nina.

“Sorry, I though you were alone.”, Nina apologized but a grin quickly started growing on her face.

“No worries! I see y’all inside!”, Vanessa strutted inside again, her heals making a loud sound against the ground and Brooke groaned quietly.

“Sorry!”, Nina said again as Brook put her lighter back in her pocket.

“It’s fine. Let’s go look for the wallet.”

Nothing happened that night, but Brooke was changed. She barely slept that night either.

“Do you wanna go to Crunch today? I know it’s not Tuesday but-”, Nina asked her the following Monday and Brooke shot her a warning look before she finished her sentence.

”Yeah, because that wouldn’t be obvious at all.”

”Hey, they wouldn’t need to know why! I’m sure they would only be happy that we’re back so soon, Silky loves us!”, Nina said in defense and Brooke sighed, ”And Vanjie does too, apparently.”

Brooke ignored the last comment.

“I don’t know, I have a lot of work to finish so I’m probably just gonna stay here.”

Nina didn’t answer.

“Sorry for being a bitch, Nina.”

“You know I love you anyway.”, her friend answered with a kind smile and a wink as she left for lunch alone.

Brooke didn’t finish her work, though. She walked out of the building, stopped a little further down the sidewalk and smoked three cigarettes in a row. She could swear she saw see a small brunette in a yellow dress and an apron through the window at the café down the street.

Or it was all in her imagination.

Brooke was definitely hung up on this.

She kept tossing and turning in bed at night for the fourth week in a row, apparently having fucked her sleeping routine up completely because she was sure she hadn’t slept more than ten hours a week total this last month. The clock was around four thirty when she finally fell asleep, longing for her upcoming lunch break later that day.

“You coming?”, Brooke said the next day at twelve as she stood up and stretched, watching Nina work her fingers quickly over the keyboard.

“I think you should go by yourself.”, she answered, not looking up from her computer but a smile started growing on her face.

“What? Why?”

“You could use some Brooke Lynn alone time at Crunch again.”, she smirked and Brooke groaned.

“Fine. But if this is some sort of set up I will kick your ass, Nina!”, she said, not really sure of what she thought was going to happen.

Nina only laughed in response and Brooke made her way out of the building, quickly walking towards her regular Tuesday café, which lately meant a little more to her.

”Miss thing! Imma send Vanjie over to your table right away, boo!”, Silky said as soon as Brooke opened the door.

She didn’t even have the chance to answer before Silky walked away, so she took her spot at her usual table by the window and nervously tapped her nails against the wood.

“What can I get for you today, baby?”

Vanessa.

Brooke just stared at her, unable to answer the simple question because what was up with her casual use of all these nick names?

“Don’t look so shook, I’m just playing, it’s way too easy with you, Mami.”

And there it was again.

Vanessa winked and Brooke couldn’t help but to smile, feeling the blush spreading on her cheeks.

“Just the salad number 5 with-“

“- With extra olives and cashews, coming right up!”, Vanessa said before Brooke could finish her sentence and walked away with a grin.

She swayed her hips even more than usual as she walked into the kitchen and Brooke immediately looked out the window when she caught herself staring, again.

Brooke couldn’t wrap her head around what it was about the short, extroverted woman that made her head and nerves go crazy. Brooke didn’t feel like this. She never did. Not for anyone. She never let someone else have that impact on her. And Vanessa said herself she was only playing with her. But the ways their eyes locked when she said it made Brooke think there was more to it. There was a connection there, tension, even though they hadn’t really talked talked yet. They didn’t really know each other.

Not yet.

“Number five for the finest lady here!”, Vanessa arrived a few minutes later with her food and Brooke wondered how long she had been staring out the window for.

“Thank you, Vanessa.”, Brooke said, carefully watching the brunettes reaction to her use of her name.

She noticed the way Vanessa’s eye grew wider. It was definitely not just in her head. It couldn’t be.

“Of course.”, she said, not breaking the eye contact, “Silk, I’m taking my break!”

“You can’t do that now bitch!”, Silky yelled back.

“Watch me.”, was all Vanessa said, still staring at Brooke who couldn’t breathe.

“Turns our I’m on my break, care if I join you?”, she then said with a smug grin on her face.

“You crazy, thirsty ass bitch.”, they heard Silky mutter as she kept on sweeping the floor.

“Are you allowed to spend your breaks out here watching the customers eat?”, Brooke teased, feeling a little more daring all of a sudden.

“Only if they hella cute.”, Vanessa shot back immediately.

This was a game.

“So olives and cashews, huh?”, she started and nodded towards Brooke’s plate.

“What about it?”

“That’s something y’all love in Canada?”

Brooke laughed softly.

“Not really, not that I know of at least. I haven’t been there in a few years though so I could be wrong.”

Vanessa smiled, tilting her head a little as she watched Brooke and it melted her heart.

“When did you move from Canada to LA?”, she asked.

“Ten years ago. I was a dancer back then, so I moved here for more work opportunities.”

“So you a dancer huh? I could tell, Mami.”, Vanessa said calmly and Brooke felt the food getting stuck in her throat.

”I was.”

Vanessa raised her eyebrows.

“What about you?”, Brooke changed the subject

“Am I a dancer?”

“No when did you come to LA? Or are you from here? Because your accent doesn’t sound-“, Brooke started rambling and was cut off by Vanessa’s laugh.

“I’m from Tampa. Well, Puerto Rico originally. Moved here five years ago. And yes I am a dancer too, if you haven’t figured that out already.”, she said, playing with a piece of curly hair between her fingers.

“No I definitely figured that one out.”, Brooke said without even realizing it and she could have sworn she saw the woman’s eyes turn darker at her words. Brooke’s heart was pounding so loud she was pretty sure it could be heard from across the street.

She listened to Vanessa talk about her background, telling cute little stories and Brooke thought to herself that she could do this forever. Listening to Vanessa, getting an insight in her life, telling her about herself, actually getting to know her, finally.

And it turned out that talking about Tampa, Canada and dancing made the time fly. One hour went by fast and Brooke didn’t even realize it until silky started yelling that Vanessa’s break was over ten minutes ago and by that time Brooke realized she was late back to work herself.

“Shit, uhm, can I pay right away? I have to get back to the office or Nina’s gonna kill me.”, she said as she fumbled with her money, “-keep the change.”

“One second babe Imma get your receipt.”

Brooke was about to say that she didn’t need it and that she really was in a hurry but Vanessa was on her feet within seconds.

Brooke looked at the clock again.

“There you go Miss Brooke Lynn. Hope I’ll see you next Tuesday if you don’t feel spontaneous enough to come by earlier.”, Vanessa winked and placed the receipt in the blondes hand, her fingers lingering.

Brooke shivered and she was completely sure that Vanessa noticed.

“Bye Vanjie.”

“Bye Brooke.”

Brooke ran back to the office, excusing herself a million times for being late when she almost slammed the door open in Nina’s face.

But Nina only grinned towards her, wiggling her eyebrows.

“What?”, asked Brooke.

“How was Vanjie?”, Nina said teasingly.

“Oh come on, it’s not like that.”

“Whatever you say, Brooke Lynn.”

“Let’s just get back to working.”, Brooke had the last word but Nina didn’t stop glancing at her with an amused expression on her face.

“You might want to check that receipt of yours, by the way.”, Nina said after ten minutes of working in silence, and nodded towards the paper Brooke had thrown on her desk.

Brooke looked at her, confused, before she realized what Nina meant.

In the left corner of the receipt there was a phone number written, followed by a heart and “xoxo Vanjie”.

Brooke couldn’t swallow or blink, Nina noticed and started laughing again.

“This is so fucking high school, I’m living for it.”

“Shit.”, was the only thing Brooke managed to say.

She was definitely deeper into this than she first thought.

Vanessa appeared in her dreams that night too when Brooke finally fell asleep after hours of debating on wether or not she should text the woman.

She didn’t.

Not yet.

[supersonicgrandma]

Here’s my Furuba Secret Santa gift for the lovely @kumeko !! To read it here, look under the cut!

Yuki woke up, naturally, to the smell of food wafting through the house. His hair rumpled and his pajamas twisted around his body from squirming in his sleep, he sat up and stared into space for what could have been a few seconds or a couple of minutes. Then, he finally built up the will to get out of the bed, push his feet into slippers, and pull on a warm robe over his pajamas. He finger-combed his hair and fixed his bangs before stepping out of his room and drowsily following the smells down the stairs and into the kitchen. 

At nearly halfway through the day already, Shigure was out galavanting somewhere. Yuki wasn’t sure he necessarily wanted to know exactly what the guy was up to. Kyo was probably out on some mountain trying to punch a tree in half or whatever muscle headed freaks like him did for fun.

He wondered if Tohru had made breakfast for everyone. While he’d never seen Kyo try to cook, the guy was so damn awful and literally everything else that he couldn’t imagine the guy knowing how to even work a rice cooker. It was already closer to lunch than breakfast. Part of him hoped she hadn’t made it so he wouldn’t look so rude as to sleep through it all. 

Tohru was humming and stopped when Yuki shambled into the room, rubbing his eyes. “Oh! Good morning, Yuki!” She said with a smile. “I hope I wasn’t making too much noise. I didn’t wake you up did I?” 

Yuki was too tired to feel competent enough to dispel Tohru Honda’s nearly constant anxiety. At least not properly. He wondered if green tea had any caffeine in it. 

“No, you’re fine.” He replied slowly as he blinked awake a bit more and just watched the girl for a bit. 

Tohru went back to smiling. “Oh, good! Did you sleep well?” 

“Huh?” Yuki asked, moving around the kitchen to find the green tea. “Oh, yes. Your food smells good.” 

“Thanks! I’m trying to make a lot because Arisa tends to eat and eat and eat.” Tohru chirped. “Let me know if I’m in your way at all.” 

“Uotani‘s coming over?” Yuki asked as he started looking for the box of green tea.

“Oh, yes! She and Saki are coming over for Christmas today.” 

“Ah,” Yuki said, taking a moment to register that

Wait. Christmas was generally a holiday for lovers in Japan. Maybe some families would celebrate with their kids, but it was mostly a romantic thing. 

“Um, Miss Honda, can I ask why you’re having a Christmas celebration with your friends?”

“Well, because it’s fun!” She replied. “Mom always used to invite them over before, so we decided to keep the tradition going. Just because we’re missing a member doesn’t mean we aren’t each other’s family.” 

Yuki was trying to understand, but it was still early, and he was still too tired and hungry to think clearly. 

“Family isn’t limited to bloodlines. It’s about relationships, I think.” Tohru continued. 

“I see,” Yuki replied softly. “Well, I’ll try to stay out of your way, then.”

“Yuki, do the Sohma’s celebrate Christmas?” Tohru asked curiously. 

“It all depends. It varies from branch to branch. My parents never celebrated it with us, and there wasn’t anything special done for Christmas in the main house. So, I’ve never really done anything special for it.” Yuki replied honestly. 

“Oh? So you really don’t have any Christmas memories at all?” Tohru asked with a frown. 

That wasn’t totally true. Yuki had Christmas memories, all of which he’d love to forget. There were all those Christmases he’d spent shut away in the main house, coughing, but trying not to cough too loud. When the main house was still new and foreign, he’d asked an elderly maid about Christmas dinners and gifts. 

“What do you need with presents?” the woman had said. “Just ask for what you want, and if you deserve it, you’ll get it.” 

That turned out to be a lie. Or some sort of cruel prank. Maybe the judge of how much he deserved had been Akito, rather than any of the adults around, who’d simply look at him with pity and move on with their days. 

Then there came all the Christmases where he’d look out the window of his room in the main house and watch the older Sohma kids talk and laugh about the things their parents gave them, the things they would give the girls in their class, or each other. Ayame always got Christmas gifts. It took Yuki a while to realize that they weren’t from their parents. 

“No, not really,” he replied to Tohru. He didn’t feel great about the lie, but he didn’t want to tell her the truth, either. 

“Do.. do you want to join us?” Tohru asked as Yuki finally found the green tea box. It did have caffeine in it. 

“I wouldn’t want to impose. It’s alright, Miss Honda. But thank you.” He replied. 

“You wouldn’t be imposing at all. Besides, we always have room for one more!” Tohru insisted. “Are you sure you don’t want to?” 

Yuki really wanted to. He had nothing else to do but study that day and he really didn’t want to do that. He’d spent the better half of the previous night bent over a textbook that one more work about Freudian theory might make his head explode. 

A special meal with Tohru, who he liked to think he knew pretty well, and her friends, who he barely knew at all, sounded like a good way to break the monotony. Plus, Tohru’s food was always pretty good. And, maybe for just a few hours on a Sunday, Yuki could pretend that Tohru was his family. 

“Actually, I think I will join you.” Yuki decided, making Tohru’s face light up like a Christmas tree. 

“I’ll make plenty of food for everyone, then!” Tohru declared with a look of fiery determination in her eyes. 

“I’ll stay out of your way, then. I wouldn’t be much help.” Yuki said as he stood by the electric kettle. 

“I think you’ll be great! I’ll teach you. It isn’t that hard if you work with a friend.” Tohru replied. 

Yuki nodded and sipped his tea. Only one person really needed to know what was going on while cooking, right? They would be okay as long as Tohru knew what she was doing and what to tell him. 

Tohru had gone all out. Soon, Yuki had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, waiting for Tohru’s orders as she set a cutting board, knife, and mound of soba dough down on the countertop. 

“Have you ever cut soba before, Yuki?” Tohru asked, still smiling at him. 

“No, never.” 

“Then this will be fun! Here, I’ll show you how first.” 

Yuki stepped closer to Tohru, suddenly extremely aware of how close he was to her and how much smaller she was than him. 

Actually, Tohru was smaller than her friends, too, right? Were her friends just tall or was she shorter than average for a girl? He’d have to ask later when it wouldn’t sound weird or out of place. 

“We want to cut the noodles so they’re nice and thin. They’ll get thicker when they’re cooked, so we need them thin. Otherwise, they’ll be kind of chewy and more like udon. Okay?” Tohru guided, cutting the first few slices to show Yuki about how thin to cut. 

“Alright.” Yuki nodded. Surely he could handle cutting the dough. 

Tohru smiled at him and went to work on cutting her own vegetables. Yuki looked down at the thin slices she’d made and worked slowly and carefully to copy them while making sure not to chop his own fingers off. 

“I think I’m done.” He said a few minutes later. 

Tohru looked up and walked over to look over his cutting board. “They look great! Thank you, Yuki!” She replied with a happy grin. 

Yuki couldn’t help but feel intensely proud of himself. Not only had he managed to do a little bit of cooking for himself, but he’d done it well. Feeling more awake, and more confident in whatever cooking ability he had, Yuki kept close to the girl. 

“Do you need help with anything else?” he asked. 

“I do, actually. Can you help me bread the karaage? Then, we can decorate the house a little bit before Uo and Hana come over.” Tohru replied. 

“Okay. What do I need to do?” Yuki asked. 

Tohru happily and patiently walked Yuki through the process of breading the chicken. All her words were soft and gentle and she was quick to praise the things he did well and help him with the things he didn’t. 

Yuki watched the smaller girl work as she showed him how to bread the chicken perfectly. She was so nice and sweet to him, but it wasn’t as if she was doing it out of pity. It felt more like she really and truly cared about him. He silently made an oath to never do anything that might make her change her mind about him. He couldn’t imagine living in a world where Tohru didn’t like him. 

Yuki did as she showed him, smiling contently as she complimented his technique. Maybe he really could do this cooking thing after all. Maybe he could continue to practice and work hard and, one day, he’d be able to be completely self-sufficient and live on his own. He could make his own food and never need to rely on his family for anything else. 

He wished Tohru was his family. 

If only he’d been born as her brother. He wondered how different he would be if that was his life instead. He’d probably be an even better version of himself. He’d probably be more confident and happy all the time. He’d probably like himself. He definitely wouldn’t be cursed. He could hug Tohru whenever he wanted to thank her for how wonderful she was to him.

“That looks perfect, Yuki! Thank you!” Tohru gushed when he finished with the chicken. “I think Kyo and Shigure underestimated you, you know. You can cook if you just know how to.” 

Yuki smiled softly at that. “Thank you.” he replied, genuinely happy.

“I’m going to wash my hands and get some paper, but maybe you can help me make paper snowflakes and paper chains to decorate a bit.” Tohru said, smiling back at him. 

“Alright. Though, I don’t think I’ve made either of those since I was little.” Yuki replied. 

“It’ll be fun, then! A blast from the past!” Tohru said, grinning brightly at him. 

“I guess so.” Yuki hummed.

He took a seat at the warm kotatsu and watched as Tohru rummaged around before returning with construction paper, scissors, and some tape. 

“Okay! I think this is everything we need.” She hummed, sitting down next to him. 

Yuki nodded and took a piece of paper, trying to remember exactly how to make a paper snowflake. It had been almost a decade since the last paper snowflake he’d made. He was sure you needed to fold it up first. Then, he was pretty sure there was a special way to cut it to make the designs, but he wasn’t entirely sure what it was. 

“I always loved Christmas when I was little. Mom would always get us fried chicken on the way home from work and we’d sit and eat and watch TV. Then I’d open my presents from her and go to bed.” Tohru hummed as she worked on cutting her paper. “There was one year when I was a kid that I really wanted one specific doll. But I didn’t think I would get it because every time I’d go to the store to point it out to Mom, it was never there. I didn’t think she’d know which one I really wanted. But then, on Christmas, I unwrapped my presents and there was the doll! I asked Mama how she knew, but she said it was a secret.” 

Yuki listened to the story attentively as he tried to cut his paper like Tohru. She unfolded her paper to reveal an intricately patterned paper snowflake. On cue, Yuki opened his paper to compare, revealing that he’d accidentally made a chain of paper people rather than a snowflake. 

Tohru blinked at that before starting to laugh behind her hand. “Did you mean to do that?” she giggled. 

“No, I thought I was cutting a snowflake,” Yuki replied honestly, confusion written across his face. 

“Well, it’s perfect.” Tohru hummed. “I’ll get some markers and we can draw scarves and hats on them and make them Christmas people.” 

Yuki smiled and nodded. Someone else probably would have called him weird or dumb. Tohru just giggled and played along. He took a marker from her when she got back and got to work by her side as they decorated and drew on the paper people.

“They’re so cute!” Tohru gushed when the last person had been drawn in. She pointed to one with a smiling face and little mittens on. “This one can be you.” 

“That’s me?” Yuki asked as he sipped his tea. 

“Mmhmm.” Tohru nodded. “I’m this one in the pink holding your hand. Because I’m with you even if we’re paper.” 

Yuki felt his face flush bright red at the words. Tohru just giggled and hugged him tightly, only realizing what she’d done when Yuki had reappeared as a small grey rat buried in a pile of clothes. 

“I’m sorry!” She said. “I’m so sorry! I just wasn’t thinking, I guess. It just felt right in the moment.” 

“It’s okay.” Yuki reassured her. 

The hug, even though he could only enjoy the warm embrace for an instant, had been perfect. It was tight and warm and secure. He could have stayed there for hours, just being held and listening as the girl praised him for his tiny culinary feats. Tohru stayed with him as they waited for him to turn back, which thankfully came just as the doorbell rang. 

“Oh! That’s Uo and Hana. I’ll try to stall them so you can change.” Tohru said, covering her eyes with her hands to give the now nude Yuki a sense of privacy. 

“Alright, thank you,” Yuki replied, waiting until she’d left the room to stand up and pull on his pants. 

He listened as Tohru greeted her friends and let Arisa and Saki into the house. He quickly pulled on and straightened out his sweater and hair before the pair of girls walked into the room. 

“Huh? The Prince is joining us?” The blonde girl asked as they got to the kotatsu. 

“Yuki’s never had a proper Christmas before, so I told him he could join,” Tohru explained cautiously. “I hope you don’t mind.” 

“Nah. Just don’t eat all the karaage, pretty boy,” Arisa said with a small smile to Yuki. 

“I didn’t intend to,” Yuki replied.

Tohru took care of the cooking and, when the food was done, Yuki helped her bring everything over to the table for them all to eat. When the food was set out and everything was ready, he took a spot at the table.  

Sure, a big Christmas meal with Tohru and her two friends he didn’t know so well was awkward. Considerably awkward. In fact, he had half a mind to retreat to the familiar comfort of his bedroom. 

But, then, Tohru looked over at him with a big smile, and her face was so bright and warm. It was like he was sitting next to the sun, and he couldn’t imagine ever even thinking about moving. If that dinner was anything like a normal family meal at Christmas, then he had to have been given the strangest family ever. Yuki would take it gladly. 

[snarkybluechristian]

Hazbin Hotel: Satan’s Plan Part 4

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When Sir Pentious woke up, his body felt heavy.  He looked down to see his Egg Bois snuggled and sleeping against him.  He hissed in annoyance and instantly slithered out from under them causing them to fall off the bed.

“Ow…Hey!” the Egg Bois exclaimed as they fell off the bed.  

“Oh, good morning, boss!” one of the Egg Bois said.

“Why on earth were you sleeping on me?” Sir Pentious asked.  “Do you eggheads know nothing of personal space?”

“Sorry, boss,” the Egg Boi said.  “The noises from upstairs kept scaring us.  It got really loud.”

“Yeah,” another Egg Boi said fearfully.  “There was so much thumping and growling.  I don’t know how you slept through it.”

Sir Pentious shuddered in both fear and disgust and tried to put the woman out of his mind.  

“Alright,” he said.  “Well, it’s over now.  Everyone who’s not going with me, go prepare the three of us some breakfast while we get ready to leave.  I would like to enjoy a meal in peace and quiet if that’s possible.”

An already-dressed Egg Boi said, “Don’t worry.  We already made you breakfast, boss.”

“Yeah,” another dressed Egg Boi said.  “We made your favorite.  Buttered pancakes with coffee and a side of grapes.”

“Excellent,” Sir Pentious said his mouth already watering.

Once he got himself ready for the day, Sir Pentious and his Egg Bois made their way to the dining room.  Unfortunately, when they got there, they saw the rosy-cheeked Devil eating the last of the pancakes from Sir Pentious’ plate.

“Delicious,” Satan said noticing Sir Pentious’ presence.  “You know, your minions may be terrible at taking orders, but they make a fantastic breakfast.”

“Hey, that was the boss’s breakfast!” one of the Egg Bois protested as he climbed on the table and ran over to Satan.

“Is that so?” Satan asked playfully as he moved his face closer to the Egg Boi’s.  “Well, to make it up to him, I’ll make him something else to eat.  How about it, Sir Pentious?  How do you like your EGGS?”  

The Egg Boi whimpered before he ran back behind his boss and trembled.  

“It’s fine,” Sir Pentious lied.  “I’m not hungry anyway.”

“Don’t worry,” Satan replied tossing the bowl of grapes to Sir Pentious.  “You can have the grapes.  I don’t like that organic trash.  It reminds me of our Father.”

Sir Pentious held the grape bowl in his hands and hissed under his breath trying desperately not to lose his temper in front of the King of Hell.

“You wouldn’t believe the good time I had last night,” Satan bragged while getting up from his chair.  “I showed Delilah my true strength and she handled it pretty well up until she passed out from exhaustion.  It was amazing considering I’m much stronger than Samson was.  I honestly wish I could bring him down here to make a true comparison.”  

Satan chuckled to himself while adjusting his hat and said, “Anyways, I’m off.  Thanks again for your hospitality, Sir Pentious.  I’ll be leaving my whore here with you.”

“Where are you going?” Sir Pentious asked raising an eyebrow.

“I can’t leave my wife wondering,” Satan said as he walked past Sir Pentious and the Egg Bois who scrambled to get out of his way.  “I also have other business to attend to.  You just worry about getting into that hotel by the end of the week.  Do not let my daughter find out about our agreement or I guarantee you a place in the 9th circle at the dry ice lounge.”

Sir Pentious just stared and gulped as the Devil turned around and smiled.

“You know, I’m feeling generous,” Satan said.  “So, I’ll allow you to have a spin with Delilah before you go.  Just make sure you use protection…”

The Devil pointed his staff at Sir Pentious and threatened sadistically, “If you get my whore pregnant, I’ll happily rip it out and make you devour it.”

One Egg Boi gagged while the other one fainted.  

“Well then, have a nice day,” Satan said before finally teleporting away.

When the Devil had finally gone, the fainted Egg Boi woke up and the two of them went to their plates to eat their breakfasts while Sir Pentious stood there and mumbled under his breath, “Like I would ever have kids.”

“Hey, boss,” one of the Egg Bois said.  “You can eat my pancakes.”

Sir Pentious nodded and slithered over to his place at the table.  After eating a few pancakes, drinking his coffee, and finishing off his grapes, the snake demon found that he was full and that he was hungry for something else.  

Sir Pentious pushed his plate back to the Egg Bois, tightened his bow tie, and emerged from the chair.  

“Where are you going, boss?” the Egg Boi asked.  “Don’t you want your food?”

“You two can share it,” Sir Pentious said.  “Do we have everything we need?”

“Yes, sir,” the other Egg Boi said.  “We’re ready to go.”

“Good, take your time eating, Bois,” Sir Pentious said putting his hat on his chair, unbuttoning his coat, and loosening his bow tie.  “I’m going to spoil myself for a bit.”

As Sir Pentious slithered closer to his room, his animal instincts started to kick in and he began to drool with lust.  When he saw his door was open, Sir Pentious quietly slithered in, but as he gazed upon the woman sitting on the side of his bed, his lust faded away into concern.

The bedroom was a mess of sheets and feathers with furniture randomly toppled over.  The room smelled of sweat and tears.  Delilah was naked sitting on the edge of the bed and hugging her knees while quietly sniffling.  

Any lust Sir Pentious had left disappeared when he noticed three long scratches going down Delilah’s back.  It made him feel remorseful and guilty, two things he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Sir Pentious tried silently slithering in to get a closer look, but the floor creaked underneath him.

“Who’s there?” Delilah asked fearfully as she unleashed her talons and looked over her shoulder.

Sir Pentious slithered closer and said, “Don’t worry, Delilah.  It’s only me.  I’m not going to hurt you.  Satan left, so I just wanted to see if you were alright.”

Sir Pentious twitched nervously.  Delilah clearly wasn’t alright.  What a stupid thing to ask…

Delilah smiled sadly and said, “Well, for now.”

Sir Pentious looked down and noticed that his coat was still hanging open.  

His face flashed in embarrassment as he turned around and said, “Oh, um, please forgive my unkempt appearance.  I…I normally look better than this…”

As Sir Pentious finished buttoning up his coat, he noticed two black pieces of shredded lingerie lying on the ground.  

His face flushed as he picked up the pieces and slithered over to lay them on the bed next to Delilah.

“I believe this belongs to you,” Sir Pentious said nervously laying the articles of clothing next to her.

“No, it belongs to Satan,” Delilah said scornfully.  “He ripped apart my other clothes and forced me to wear it while he…”

A shudder went through Delilah’s traumatized body as she started trembling again.  

Sir Pentious looked around until he found a thin blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders.  He got a glimpse of her nakedness and turned away to give her some privacy.  

“Do you have any clothing I could wear?” Delilah asked.  

“Uh, yes, I mean, they were for someone else, but I suppose there’s no reason you couldn’t have…” Sir Pentious said stumbling through his words for a second.  “Yes, the answer is yes.”

Delilah giggled a little bit, and Sir Pentious looked away in embarrassment.  

“It’s not what you would consider ‘in style,’ but it will have to do,” Sir Pentous said sternly.  “Is that acceptable?”

“I’ve been dead for about 12,000 years,” Delilah said playfully.  “Do you think I know or care about what’s ‘in style?’”

“Do you want them or not?”

“Yes, I do.  Thank you.”

“Well, I do owe you for healing me, madame,” Sir Pentious said finally allowing himself to look her in the eyes.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to use your shower…AGH!” Delilah said as she tried to stand up only to feel her waist cramp up.

���Are you alright?” Sir Pentious asked with concern as he slithered over to help her get back on the bed.  “What did he do to you?”

“The Devil was an animal,” Delilah whimpered painfully.  “I begged him to stop, but he just kept getting more aggressive.  It was terrifying.”

Sir Pentious used his tail to lift her onto the bed as he asked, “Why is he abusing you like this?  He already has a wife who’s as strong as he is.  At this rate, he’s going to cause you some significant internal damage.”

“He was punishing me for running away.  I’m his ‘new concubine’ he’s using to have his new child.”

“WHAT?!”

“It’s true.  The first time he tricked me into consenting, but I ran off when I realized he intended to keep me locked in his guest room like some kind of breeding sow.  He found me, he brought me here, I tried to fight him, and as punishment, he made the second time as horrible as he possibly could.  I don’t know how I haven’t conceived yet.”

“But why does the Devil want a new child?”

“He wants to replace Charlie with a child who’s more obedient.  I suppose it’s a Plan B to whatever he has you doing.  He tried to sleep with Lilith, but she refused him.”

“But do you want it?”

Delilah sighed, pulled back her hair revealing the bruises and deep bite marks on her neck, and said, “All I know is I have no choice.”  

“Oh, God,” Sir Pentious said recoiling in horror.  “I thought you were strong and invulnerable.”

Delilah sighed and said, “Only when I’m awake.  When I fall asleep, I’m as weak as anyone else.  Another punishment for what I did to Samson.  I kept going as long as I could, but eventually, I couldn’t stay awake anymore and that’s when he did the most damage…”

“Jesus Christ…”

“Like I said before, he’s using both of us now, and I’ve been around long enough to know that the only way we’ll endure it is if we rely on each other.  Besides, he told me that I’m not allowed to leave until you finish your mission at the hotel or until I conceive.  What choice do we have?”

“Well, you don’t have to be cooped up in my room,” Sir Pentious said.  “I mean, you can sleep here, but you can explore my home and go into any room you want.  The Egg Bois do most of the maintenance, but you can pick up their slack and make sure they don’t wreck the place while I’m gone, as long as you don’t aggravate your injuries, of course.  How does that sound?  Do we have a deal?”

Sir Pentious held out his hand.

Delilah smiled, shook his hand, and said, “Deal.  As long as you give me something to eat and let me use your shower.”

Sir Pentious sweated a bit at feeling her hand touch his, and as soon as she let go, he said, “Well, I’m off to infiltrate the hotel for ‘our king.’  I should be back within a few days.  I’ll tell the Egg Bois to get you everything you need.”

“I’m going to use the shower,” Delilah said standing up from the bed and walking towards the bathroom.

Sir Pentious couldn’t help looking at her and staring at her hips.  He gazed upon her as if he was in a trance.

Delilah looked back, smiled for a bit, and said, “Thank you,” before she shut the door and entered the shower.

When Sir Pentious came back to reality, he looked around disdainfully at how messy the Devil made his room.

“She was right about one thing,” Sir Pentious muttered to himself.  “Satan is an animal.  He’s a bloody pig.  Egg Bois!”

“Yes, boss,” said one of a group of Egg Bois that were standing in the hall.  “We weren’t eavesdropping on your conversation or anything…”