#I’ve been thinking about it a lot and how much they resonate with the themes in PoE

[impossible-rat-babies]

eyrie is so pillars of eternity coded it’s unreal

[p1utofairy]

PAC: “cause every little thing that we do, should be between me & you.” 🕯️💭✨

• what are your person’s dirty thoughts about you?

disclaimer ✩: 18+ mature themes. thank y'all for 1K omg <3 y’all really fw with lil ol’ me?! ily ily ily. 🥹 here’s a lil sumn sumn to celebrate. 🥂 p.s. take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. enjoy!

pile 1 ⭐️ —

“you don't need me, please believe me. this ain't easy, you know i've been feindin'. let me unleash my demons on you.”

“innocent” is what i’m hearing pile 1. your person will underestimate just how much of a hold you have on them lol initially they’ll think that you’re more of the submissive type, but oh are they in for a treat! you hold your cards close to your chest, so it’ll surprise them when this other side of you comes to the surface. i’m hearing “classy in the streets but a freak in the sheets” LOLLL. oh i’m also picking up that some of you may be inexperienced (or may not have as much sexual experience as them) but it won’t come off that way to them...they’ll just think that you’re playing coy and teasing them. your person will be eye-fucking you a lot, i can see them sitting across from you just looking you up and down…locking in on your legs — they’ll really love your legs. “you’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you. you’d be like heaven to touch.” just started playing in my mind. awww your person is very sensual 😩 and as much as they want to have you…they’ll be patient. they want to make sure you feel comfortable. all i need by lloyd just came to mind, “get up on it. i’m so horny and i want it. so get up on this, get up on the dick.” LMFAOOOO ik i said they'll be patient but i’m ngl they'll be internally tussling with themselves because they’re used to just getting what they want and people falling for them at the drop of a dime, but you make them work hard for it. i can see you two having a heavy make-out session before they drop you off home and then you pull away and you're like BYE 😘👋☺️ and they'll just be sitting there with their mind racing a mile per minute like FUCK?????? lmfaooooooooooo my gosh you will rile them up so bad pile 1. i feel like there will be a height difference between you two or an age gap. they could be older than you! you give them butterflies <3 they think they’re making you soo nervous/giddy inside (and they are) but you hide it a little better than they do. after every interaction with them you’ll feel all mushy inside hehe and you’ll be able to tell that you make them nervous. they’re just blown away by how beautiful, hot and how well-put together you are. i can see you talking and they’re just watching your mouth move like 👁️👁️ LMFAOOO bye pile 1. they’re feenin’ for you.

pile 2 🪡 —

“i just wanna live in a fantasy. i think we deserve it, right? top all the memories. i’ve ever made in my life.”

oouu this is my pile that doesn't take shit from nobody, okayyyy! hi pile 2 welcome to your reading <3 i can already tell that your person loves how you carry yourself. you do not allow many people to have access to you, and when you do, people can’t help but feel special inside because you have such a ✨big✨ presence. you may not take your person very serious at first. they have youthful/playful energy while you have a very disciplined and mature demeanor. that’s what will make them so attracted to you; how you're always on your shit…there's no cutting corners with you, you do not have time for the games and they will respect that. there's something about your lips that they love. you might have a defined cupid’s bow like rihanna or maybe they just like how cute and soft they are; especially after they just got done kissing you. i see them teasing you and slightly biting your bottom lip after they pull away from the kiss 🥵 ugh don’t count them out pile 2. they might have youthful energy but they're a pro when it comes to seduction lol you both are similar in a sense — you both want something serious and passionate with a hint of playfulness. they'll loveeeee watching you get ready! like i can see you standing in front of a mirror, in a rush to make yourself look presentable and they're just laying back on the bed…giving you the look. just ready to POUNCE. whew pile 2! this person’s love language might also be physical touch, cause they’ll be fighting the urge to squeeze your ass or constantly have their hand on your lower back. you’ll secretly love all their physical affection though hehe.

pile 3 🔪 —

“out of breath, take it slow. i wanna feel it in my soul. yeah, i know you love it when i’m on top. gotta keep it going, baby. don’t stop.”

heyyyy pile 3 🤗 i’m immediately hearing that you have a way with words. you know exactly what buttons to push to get your person aroused mhm! your person knows your worth just as much as you do, they’ll put you on a pedestal and treat you with so much care and devotion. they may have a worship kink? i see a bedroom setting — lightly-dimmed, candles lit, red rose petals on the floor and they’re slowly taking your shoes off for you…their hands trailing up your bare legs slowly 🥵 OKAYYYY pile 3! the sexual attraction is strong in this one wow. that scene from the wolf of wall street where naomi (margot robbie) and jordan (leo dicaprio) are on a date and naomi is giving him the fuck me eyes while saying “aren’t you married?” is coming to mind. now i don’t feel like there’s any third parties/cheating involved…you two just might be into role-playing. like i can see them booking a spontaneous getaway trip for the two of you & y’all just slut each other out and explore each other’s wildest fantasies the whole time 🤭 you both know how and what will make the other person tick; i can see them teasing you a lot in public. a lot of dirty talk in your ear, hand on the back of your neck gently squeezing and kisses. they were never really like this in their previous relationship(s) but you bring out a whole different side of them. agora hills by doja cat just started playing, “kissing and hope they caught us, whether they like or not. i wanna show you off. i wanna show you off.” THEY REALLY DO, PILE 3. they can't believe they bagged you…every-time they look at you they’re in awe.

[twelvemonkeyswere]

Brienne and Femininity (and Masculinity)

I’ve been musing how one of the most important topics in Brienne's storyline is femininity, and even though her story isn't finished, we can fairly see what some of her major themes are around this—particularly, how performing or failing at performing femininity affects her both internally and externally.

Often I see people pointing out that, in spite of all of Brienne’s traditionally masculine ways—her clothes, her skill set, her body shape, to name a few—she does not fully reject femininity. That she likes little cute animals and fairy tales and wears dresses, and is shy and blushes frequently. This is an important point because, very often, fantasy settings made the assumption that a woman can only be taken seriously if she goes beyond “her womanhood” and acts and thinks “like a man,” as opposed to other girls who are too busy mending or wanting romance. Brienne challenges those tendencies that GRRM saw in his contemporaries. Things have changed a lot since (hello The Locked Tomb, for example), but you can still see where he is working from, and how many of the aspects of Brienne's story still resonate with more modern audiences because, well, sexism hasn't stopped existing. It's also important because the larger asoiaf and got fandoms often refuse to see this side of her, reducing her to a walking sword or a cardboard cut out of a pushover.

Now, my main issue here is that I feel several interpretations of Brienne have now gone on the other direction, and focus so much on Brienne PERFORMING traditional femininity—wearing luxurious dresses, using make up, accepting lavishing gifts, or wondering if she can be desired, for example—that we've gone sometimes on the opposite direction. I feel like many times we’re afraid or do not know how to approach characterizing her as someone who rejects aspects of femininity without making her into another “not like other girls” stereotype.

My two cents on the matter is that if we focus too much in what Brienne can't but "wants" to perform, we forget that she is, in fact, gladly rejecting some common impositions of femininity in her society.

Beginning with swordplay at a young age, for example, she was very glad to ditch a more traditional education in order to learn how to fight the way we know men are taught in asoiaf/got. She is also explicitly more comfortable in men's clothes. We all like the scene where Jaime makes an effort to give her a dress and she appreciates it, but we don't even find out what happened to the dress, because, presumably, the dress itself is not THAT important, at least not as much as the fact Jaime gave her gifts as a form of appreciation. Dresses have been used in Brienne's past to mock her (the event with the bear being the most recent one), and the important part is that Jaime is the only one who has given her one without that ulterior motive. The point of the scene is that where everyone undermines and underestimates her, he is acting the opposite way. We’re seeing how the relationship between them has evolved and that he is doing his best to mend what has happened and what he has done. She is given a dress and a sword as symbols that someone else in the story is beginning to appreciate her for all she is.

Beyond that, we even get details on the old shield Brienne got at Harrenhal, but not a word about the dress. Brienne explicitly doesn't really like being in dresses, she prefers mail and breeches, and feels more at ease in them than anything else. This is not her hating dresses because she is above them. I can’t remember well but as far as we know it’s just her preference: I don’t recall her saying she hates dresses, just that she prefers trousers. She must have been wearing dresses her whole life! It’s not likely she is unused to them. But we do know the act of being given a dress is important in Brienne’s story. The problem is not that they can’t make dresses for her, the problem is that everyone who forces her to wear a dress wants to signal how lacking she is as a woman, trying to fit her in a box too small for her real shape and then mocking her because she doesn’t meet their standard. The problem is they want to make her uncomfortable and they want to humiliate her, because she dares to exist in a way that doesn’t conform to patriarchal ideals. And the problem is that she likes to wear trousers and mail. She likes to wear masculine clothes, and they want her to be very aware of how much they disapprove.

And we also hear a great deal about marrying and having children out of duty. There's a certain loss she feels there because she believes that, at that point, all those missed opportunities will never present themselves again. All her life, she grew up with a dichotomy that dictated that the chance of having a family or children was through duty or none at all, because she is her father’s heir and—they kept telling her—nobody would want an ugly, masculine, temperamental girl as a wife. They could only want her for the money she brought. The point of the story is that, once again, failing the standards of femininity has forced her into a mentality where she thinks she can’t be loved because nobody would like who and what she is. But even then, even with that thorn in her mind, she still feels relieved she didn't have to perform these particular duties. The only thing she’s sad about is that she thinks she's missed any chance at having a family at all and will never know what that might be like. She doesn’t actively want babies or even to be married. She is still young, and at least to me, she seems to view these things in hypothetical rather than explicit goals or wants. She thinks that, at 20, there is no opportunity for her to experience these things because of how her society works. It’s the lack of choice that she mourns, down the line. But she rejects that particularly role that femininity imposes on her now. She didn’t want it, and she is happy it didn’t go through. She literally fought an old man to prove how much she didn’t want those impositions.

All this is interesting to me because Brienne also sort of thinks of herself as her father's son as well as her father's daughter. It almost slips her mouth once or twice. She is aware, I think, that many times the differences between a son and a daughter boil down not really to gender but to the sort of duty they perform. And she wants to do the sorts of things sons do, too. Men regularly learned to fight and wore the clothes she liked best and used hard-earned skills in a way she wanted to use them. There are layers to this (we’ll get to that in a bit) but she is, I think, very aware of her masculinity, and, if left to her own devices, she seems comfortable in it. The problem is she is NOT left to her own devices.

Most of Brienne's self doubt comes from outside forces. As a woman, they underestimate her. As a woman, they think she is stupid. As a gender non-conforming woman, every jape uttered goes directly to her womanhood. As a woman, if she looks the way she does and dresses the way she does and fights the way she does, when she expresses any vulnerable emotion, any shred of “femininity,” she is mocked for it. She likes dancing and beautiful things and pretty boys but a woman as masculine as she is is not the sort of person who gets to express those preferences without judgment from those around her.

The point is Brienne’s world wants her miserable either way: being unable to be a woman the way they demand of her, because she is too much “like a man” for it, or being unable to be a man, because she is too much a woman for that. The point is she can’t win regardless of what she does. Because that’s how sexism works.

But Brienne’s story is, I think, one about choices. The thing is that the world makes it harder for her, but she shouldn't have to be one thing or the other. She shouldn’t have to be defined by one or the other. If she wants to fight in the mud and smell roses and wear chain-mail and talk to charming men, she should be able to choose all of those things. I think it’s easy to focus too much in what aspects of femininity Brienne likes or dislikes instead of looking at what the story is proposing, which is to look at what Brienne,as a person, likes or dislikes. What she wants. Her parallel story to Jaime is about how the world will always try to put folks in boxes, especially those who, for some reason or another, do not easily fit in those boxes. The question is not “what feminine/masculine parts of Brienne is she happy performing” but rather “what does Brienne want, and why does she feel like she cannot get it and doesn't dare ask.”

This is also what drives her to servitude. There’s a phrase out there that says that if you don’t think you can be liked, you try to become useful, so at least there’s a reason to keep you around. It’s heartbreaking to see how Brienne’s vision of herself has been so skewed by the emotional abuse, parental neglect, and bullying she’s experienced since a young age. She doesn’t think anyone will grow close to her, so at least she can be close to people by serving them. She wants to put her skills to use, she wants to find a place where she fits, where she can be more herself, but she isn’t sure what that looks like or how to find it. She’s still searching, and learning many things on the way.

And Brienne is still very young. We can see her confidence growing and her worldview challenged and she is beginning to see the realities of herself and of the world around her through various trials by fire. Misogyny makes her feel incomplete, but we know the things she trusts about herself while simultaneously seeing the way she constantly doubts others. How she can't never express all of herself without constant judgment or mockery.

I feel like yes, the fact Brienne doesn't reject all traditional femininity is really important to her themes, but by extension, it's as important that shedoes reject some of those traditional expressions of femininity. What she is truly rejecting is imposition, not femininity. What she truly needs to embrace is freedom, not masculinity. She's making her own vows, breaking her own promises, going through her own mistakes. She is learning the hard way. Agency in a world of limited choices is one of Brienne's main themes too. There are moral issues that go deep within her story as well as examinations of the effects of war and the struggle to find authenticity and connection in a community that refuses to acknowledge yours, a community drenched in pretense and lost in performance.

And I think it’s easy to get too caught up in her wanting to be a girlfriend or a mother or wearing a dress that we bypass the whole conversation around why that matters at all. I feel like Brienne's success isn't going to come from her fully embracing all her feminine traits or fully accepting all her masculine traits but from being able, down the line, to be exactly who she is.

[campgender]

i was scrolling your “life is in your home too” tag, which I love btw, and saw a post about how you learned to be a good dom from experienced expert doms by reading how they dom and some of their best scenes, do you think you could point me in the direction of some resources for me to study that too? thanks in advance, if not, thanks anyway!

(post referenced is here - link 1)

first of all tysm for this ask (+ your incredibly kind follow-up), it was a delight to receive + i’ve been wanting an excuse to talk about a lot of this for a while so i very much appreciate the interest!

as always please keep in mind that i am Just Some Fem, nothing is universal including when it comes to D/s & i can only speak to what works for me. i try to focus on starting points rather than specifics but ultimately my advice will always be limited by what i needed to hear & wasn’t told, which may not be what’s helpful for a different person. with that being said, here’s some suggestions!

i’ve posted a previous reading list (link 2) with relevant recs; particularly the practicality + sex writing sections have the kind of thing you’re looking for. specifically, The New Topping Book (2003) is a solid starting point; i definitely have my issues with it (haven’t read it recently enough to recall many specifics but i have the sense of general pervasive racism & ableism) but it did a good job at making me think & i appreciate the supportive tone they were going for

another book added to my tbr since then is Coming to Power (link 3), released by SAMOIS in 1983

other authors whose sex writing has been influential in my life: Sandra Cisneros, Natalie Diaz, Joan Nestle, Judy Grahn

the fic At The End of His Rope by Letterblade (link 4) is genuinely some of my favorite sex writing of all time & accomplishes the incredibly impressive feat of representing a broad array of dom styles & changes over time in the same piece

my “impurity culture” tag (link 5) houses the building blocks of my sexual ethic

i’ve found many of those foundations by poking around the incredible bodies of work original & archived @newsmutproject @woman-loving @gatheringbones

for me, studying sex is the same as studying poetry – reading for craft is a different process than for pleasure (not that there isn’t a great deal of pleasure to be found in such practice, especially for sadists – perhaps that’s why as a child i never resonated with Billy Collins’ “Introduction to Poetry,” like i love tying poems to chairs & beating them idk what to tell you). so, keeping in mind that these are suggestions not requirements, here’s how i read for + work on craft:

there is no such thing as too much journaling. this can take whatever form you prefer – voice memo, discord message to yourself, the noble notes app, your own personal sexy red string corkboard, a vast & stunning array of other approaches i can’t even begin to imagine. i personally have an elaborate web of spreadsheets & google docs lmao. what matters is developing a collection of ideas you want to play with + a practice of continually reflecting on past experiences.

pay attention to structure, not just content. find a scene you think is disjointed and pick at the seams, brainstorm better transitions. then find a scene that flows so smoothly it carries you with it and figure out what makes it work.

rewrite a scene you’re drawn to or affected by to suit your own preferences. i first did this when i couldn’t shake “Interlude 3” (link 6) from my head after reading The New Topping Book; you can read my variation on the theme here (link 7) if you’re interested.

write or think through a scene fantasy you have from negotiation to aftercare. obviously it’s very difficult if not impossible to fully script a scene in advance; the purpose isn’t planning something you’ll later do but rather getting used to coming up with ideas to get from one disparate moment / act to the next.

revisit a scene you’ve read, written, thought about, etc and list the physical & mental acts that are required / expected of the sub (eg, kneeling for 10 minutes; making eye contact; counting to 30, etc). then rework the scene for a sub who has the same interests & goals who cannot do 20% (or 50%, or any) of these acts.

revisit a previous scene and list the places where you think a sub might safeword & why. then rework it with the sub safewording somewhere that isn’t any of these places.

i also recommend keeping in mind that like… for me, reading about ethical sex can often be a very distressing process for the same reason that it’s liberating: because it proves that things i’ve experienced are not the way sex has to be. i’ll tell this story in its fullness one day but the first time i read S/HE by Minnie Bruce Pratt i literally had a flashback to events i’d repressed for years, it was devastating, i’m so grateful for it. hell, in the process of compiling resources for this post i cried twice editing this quote (link 8) because between reading that book the first time & now someone did “respond with scorn or ridicule” when i safeworded. so i would really encourage folks to approach this kind of work with as much grace & comfort for yourself as you can muster or borrow – if it’s really fucking hard, you’re not alone in that, & it’s okay to take your time + pace yourself + seek support.

your + others’ interest is definitely motivating me to actually write posts i’ve been tossing around for months so thank you again & feel free to keep an eye out for more shut-in sex tips in my new “tomorrow sexting will be good again” tag. would love to hear your thoughts on any of this post / these or other books / whatever really lol. wishing you all the best & i hope today is kind to you! 💓

[rebelspykatie]

Soulmate AU Part Five - The Final Part 

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Alternate Ending 

There’s a display of dnd handbooks and supplemental materials right beside it. Beyond that, Eddie spots a fantasy section overflowing with worn paperbacks that he can’t wait to sort through. 

Steve follows Eddie around, pointing out all the things Dustin loves, listening to Eddie ramble on with a fond, soft look on his face, and carrying everything Eddie has expressed an interest in around the store, including a brand new set of black and red dice. He never looks bored or disinterested, just patiently sits beside Eddie as he goes through stacks of paperbacks, nodding along to his stories and flipping through a magazine he found.

When they get to the counter, Eddie doesn’t expect Steve to whip out his wallet and pay for everything Eddie has so much as even touched, but he’s brushed aside and knows better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. He’s not going to let Steve pay for things all the time, but it’s a nice surprise that he’s willing to shell out for all of Eddie’s nerdy little treasures. 

When they climb back in the car, Eddie mutters, “Thanks, Steve. This is the best date I’ve ever been on.” It’s the only date he’s ever been on, though, so perhaps the sentiment doesn’t count. 

“It’s not over, yet.” Steve’s smirk is mischievous as he backs out and gets back on the highway. 

They end up at a tavern a few miles away. It looks like a cottage from the outside, but inside, the staff are all dressed in medieval themed attire, lots of tunics, capes, and leather straps. It’s not quite accurate, but it’s probably the best they could do on a small town restaurant budget. The patrons are a younger crowd, which leads Eddie to believe this is typically a family spot intended for kids. It reminds him of Wayne doing his best to play dress up with Eddie for his birthday as a kid, just trying to make Eddie happy despite not understanding any of it. 

A warmth that’s starting to feel like home is resonating in his chest, wrapping around his heart like a hug, a tether to the boy beside him. Steve endeared himself to Eddie with one perfectly planned date, crafting the entire evening around Eddie’s interests. It loosens the last thread of doubt he had about Steve. He’s doing everything in his power to prove that the universe didn’t get it wrong.

The conversation flows easily, the two of them getting to know each other beyond surface level rumors they picked up in the hallways of Hawkins High. Eddie learns more about the rocky relationship between Steve’s parents and how that affects the way he views the soulmate bond. Steve gets a detailed reenactment of a recent campaign, tugging on Eddie’s shirt sleeve to prevent him from climbing on the table. Eddie learns more about the hoard of children Steve babysits and how awkward it still is seeing Nancy every time he drops off Mike. 

At some point, they spot a table with supplies for kids, coloring sheets and paper crowns. Eddie grabs a crown and places it gently on top of Steve’s hair. He makes a cheeky joke about King Steve, making sure Steve knows he’s joking. They have a foam sword fight in the play area while they wait for their dessert, chasing each other around until Steve’s crown is crooked and they’re laughing so hard their sides hurt. 

It’s the most fun Eddie’s had in a long time. 

When they get back in the car, there’s a quiet calm that settles around them. Eddie ends up dozing off along the way, jerking awake when Steve shakes his shoulder after he turns the car off outside of the trailer. 

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Eddie says, “This was perfect, Steve. I know the universe magically knows that we’re made for each other, but I think this is the first time I really believe it.”

Steve grabs Eddie’s arm, fingers running over where the band is resting, covering up the mark on his wrist. He doesn’t even know why he put it on earlier, maybe just habit, or maybe he was still waiting for Steve to change his mind. He glances up at Eddie’s face before returning his gaze to the band, undoing the clasp and letting it fall away from Eddie’s wrist. 

Eddie wants to memorize the look on Steve’s face. The awestruck wonder that takes over when he sees his name for the first time. Fingers trace over the lettering, soft whispers along Eddie’s skin. It’s the first time anyone has seen it besides Wayne, who held him on the night of his eighteenth birthday as he cried himself to sleep and bought him the band the next day. 

“I believe it, too,” Steve whispers. And Eddie doesn’t have time to think about anything else before Steve tugs on his arm to pull him closer and kisses him. It nearly knocks the wind out of him, a mixture of surprise and joy bubbling to the surface. It’s chaste, just a soft press of lips together, but Eddie has so much pent up energy he’s grinning against Steve’s mouth, practically vibrating out of his chair.

He wants to crawl over the console and press Steve into the seat until they devour each other, but Wayne is probably waiting up and will knock on the window and shine a light in like a cop or some shit if Eddie takes too long. Especially since he’s wary of Steve after the whole crying on Eddie’s birthday thing. 

A first kiss seems like a great place to end the night anyway. He pulls back, resting his forehead against Steve’s, basking in the moment. “I’m going inside now, but next time, I’m planning the date, okay?” 

“Deal. Thank you for the flowers. I feel pretty enlightened after this, so I think your mom was right about them.”

“My mama would have loved to meet you.” Steve squeezes his hand. “This is as close as we’ll get, but I think she would have approved of you.”

“You think so?” 

Eddie nods. “She approved of anything that made me happy.” He kisses the tip of Steve’s nose, then climbs out of the car. “Now let me go grab your flowers and I’ll be right back.” 

He brings them back and kisses Steve one last time through the open window of his car. “Get home safe, sweetheart.” 

He waves a final goodbye as Steve pulls away, that giddy feeling resurfacing. He can’t predict the future, but he knows that the feeling he has right now, knowing that Steve is on the same page, is the best feeling in the world. 

💜💜💜

Thank you all so much for reading this!!! I hope you like this ending and get some joy out of this because I had so much fun writing it. I’ll be posting the whole thing to AO3 this weekend once I clean it up.

[tadpolesonalgae]

Sigh. I wish cbmthy reader learns to love herself. Even just a little. To take pride in her genius and her fragile heart, to see the beauty of living.

I really want her to make friends outside of the ic, because I don't think she has any in the ic. Maybe become friends with a priestess when she goes to the library, or a normal citizen in velaris.

I want her to understand that feeling of power when you get out of bed and go on a walk, bundled up with a coat and hot cocoa. Because you could have been in bed, wasting away. But you're doing something

I want her to move out and away from the ic, even if its just a place to live and she still sees them and such. To get a cat (because shes not the type of person who could handle a dog) with one eye or one leg, who's deemed "ugly" and "defective" by society, like how she sees herself.

I want her to learn that you can't be defective as long as you're living, that you're just different, and to learn that you can put broken things together to make something beautiful.

i hope she learns how to love herself. Coming from someone who has tried to take their life, on several occasions, and screamed out for help.

I want her to learn that when no one answers, you save yourself.

-☀

Honestly I don’t want to encourage you but when there was that Helion tangent I had fantasised about what if reader announced over a dinner she wanted to go to the day court to study 😔 (and maybe also if she did manage to get to Day Court and work with scholars, she’d get a chance to also gloat to Eris that she was working as a scholar despite being female)

‘I want her to understand that feeling of power when you get out of bed and go on a walk, bundled up with a coat and hot cocoa. Because you could have been in bed, wasting away. But you're doing something’

That’s so adorable, but also such a treasured experience that can take a while to appreciate

‘To get a cat (because shes not the type of person who could handle a dog) with one eye or one leg, who's deemed "ugly" and "defective" by society, like how she sees herself.’

Babes you don’t know how many times I’ve fantasised about giving reader a pet or two to look after. Like a parrot? Or a stray cat? Or like in ToG but with one of Eris’ hounds and she instantly clicks with it?

Unfortunately it just wouldn’t be practical for the storyline since having a pet generally requires a lot of attention and looking after and reader doesn’t have the time for that ☹️

‘i hope she learns how to love herself.’

I promise that she will, in her own way

I think reader’s issues lie in her mind rather than her body (she’s self conscious about her hands but I’d say that because she feels more that she’s unbearable on the inside so if she’s ‘unbearable’ on the outside too, she has nothing)

I don’t want to give too much weight to cbmthy because at the end of the day it’s a piece of fanfiction I’m tapping out on my keyboard with zero professional writing experience, but I hope some people can find comfort in it. I think it’s difficult to speak about certain things sometimes—whether that’s for reasons of discomfort, or simply lacking the language to go about starting and having a discussion—so creating a piece of fiction to touch on different themes can be a way of tentatively putting feelers out for other people’s experiences? And, maybe, hoping that some other people might be able to resonate with experiences that are brought up

I’ll admit here, hidden at the bottom of a fairly long reply, that it’s been a relief seeing people’s responses to particular elements of the story

[ryuichirou]

What do you like about Book 5? I feel like reading one of your analysis

Anon! Thank you so much for this ask and for enjoying my analysis. I’ve been waiting for someone to ask about Book 5 lol It’s one of my favourites. Unfortunately, I also made you wait for ages, as I always do, but I hope this time helped me to collect my thoughts better lol

I really really love and resonate with the main themes of the Book 5: self-doubt, self-improvement, dedication to your crafts and knowing your strengths, but also enjoying what you do. I’ve said it tons of times, but I’ll repeat myself: I strongly believe that this is the beauty that Rook is talking about in his little rants, and this is why in that particular crucial moment Neige ended up being more “beautiful” in his eyes. Neige did what he wanted and enjoyed every moment of it, and Vil was so focused on the win that he couldn’t enjoy himself, thus losing the spark… well, you know how I feel about the whole Rook’s betrayal thing: I’ve talked about this in the past.

God I love a lot of aspects of this book, but I’ll mention as many as I can without this post getting obnoxiously long lol

I love Vil and Epel’s conflict a lot! I talked about them in this post, so I won’t dive too deep into it, but: it’s so amazing to see a piece of media where a boy teachers another boy that cuteness and beauty is a strength in its own, and he does it not in a campy way; in fact, he does it with brute force lol Vil isn’t gentle at all, on the contrary, he is very stubborn and tyrannical at times, but this is what makes the dynamic more interesting. I really love imagining how awkward it was for everyone to just stand there and watch these two yelling at each other and slamming the doors and physically fighting, and how at the end of the book they grew so closer and more understanding of each other.

Now let me yap about Deuce a lot! I really love that Deuce kind of ended up being one of the main stars of this book! It’s so satisfying watching him win and get rewarded for his hard work, and by hard work I mostly mean his self-reflection, self-discovery and willingness to grow. One of my favourite aspects of ADeuce dynamic is that Ace is that guy who is smart but doesn’t care so he gets a C and Deuce is that guy who tries his best and grinds as much as he can but still gets a C. Both of them get a C, but the situations are so different, and I am glad we got to see Deuce being so frustrated about it. It feels so unfair, and this is one of the things that caused him to be a delinquent in the past: if he can’t succeed even if he tries his best, why should he even bother?

But Deuce isn’t the same Deuce he used to be: he is mature enough not to give up and he wants to improve very badly. This is why instead of flipping everyone off and leaving he listens to Vil’s critique, he volunteers to get extra ballet lessons, and he only snaps when Ace pokes him at the worst possible moment. If we apply that Utena-ass chicks-in-the-egg analogy that Rook and Kalim brought up when talking to Deuce, this is a symbol of Deuce-the-chick already trying to break the egg.

BUT. At the same time, not every single thing would be fixed if you just “try harder”, and despite the fact that Vil expresses this in frustration, he is kind of right. Isn’t it a bit ironic that Vil has pretty much the same inner conflict as Deuce? He always tries his best, and yet he can’t reach the thing he wants so badly?

Anyways, this is where the real act of breaking the egg begins: you have to accept your own strengths even if you dislike them. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have a choice: Epel doesn’t HAVE TO be cute, Deuce doesn’t HAVE TO do his act-first-think-second thing, but being aware of what you are good at and how your brain, body and soul operates is important.

Deuce has always felt that he has to be someone different, and he is still struggling, but Book 5 gave him such a huge moment of growth that peaked in him unlocking his Unique Magic, I love it so much it’s insane….

I also love all the snippets of Kalim and Jamil that we got in this book, even though they didn’t play as big of a role as they could have. Still, Kalim got slapped in the face with the first ever objective evaluation in his life, and seeing him trying to comprehend his feelings was so good. I want to see more of this side of Kalim, I want to see more of him processing how others actually see him and that sometimes others will be picked instead of him, and that’s totally fine. And he gets it, but getting it and accepting it are two different things, and Kalim has a lot of maturing to do.

Even though he was quite mature when caring for the kohais, and especially during Vil’s overblot. The poor guy got so traumatised by Jamil’s overblot that he clocked that something was wrong with Vil, and I love it a lot.

(Also, Jamil is hot. No notes; just thought I’d mention that)

Speaking of overblots! God, Vil’s entire overblot section is *chef’s kiss*

I love how even in his design he still has this ominous but motherly (not in a caring way, more like a step-mother) nun/queen-like  vibe. But what I love even more is how Vil’s overblot happened.

The fact that he almost killed a person? Yeah I know that we don’t know if he actually wanted to kill Neige or just poison/curse him, but let’s think for a moment: he was willing to cause harm that is pretty serious, and I don’t think we should downplay it because Vil himself doesn’t. The stakes of this overblot are pretty high… Even though technically Leona caused a lot of harm and seriously injured Ruggie, even though Jamil yeeted Kalim+the boys to possibly die also; I guess Vil’s act feels so impactful because of his reaction.

I really love how Vil got so extremely disappointed in himself and so afraid of others looking at him with disgust that THIS made him snap. I love how Kalim kept repeating that Vil didn’t harm anyone and shouldn’t feel this way because this didn’t matter anymore: even if Vil didn’t end up causing harm to Neige, he himself already learned how disgusting of a person he was.

Vil is very complex, Vil has high standards for himself, and this is simultaneously his blessing and his curse :” )

I really love his backstory, I really love how gently Rook called him back as he was awaking after the flashback sengment… I barely mentioned Rook in this post woah, but I feel like I talked about how much I loved their relationship in this book quite a lot! So I’ll just say it again: I think Rook’s support and Rook’s betrayal both are crucial to understanding the message of this book and Vil’s character as well. Also, they’re an amazing ship.

Another thing I love is how likeable Neige is lol It would’ve been so easy to do a “you know, Snow White is also a bitch!” thing, but Twst never does it with its characters: the “good guys” are genuinely good, likeable people, but this doesn’t make the villains’ perspective any less relatable or badly written. Neige isn’t pretentious or righteous about being good, he is just naturally sweet and wants to have fun and take care of people around him: you can’t hate this guy, well you can, but also you can’t. And Vil knows that his grudge is petty and one-sided.

But at the same time? THE FRUSTRATION YOU FEEL WHEN YOU WATCH NEIGE AND HIS LITTLE FRIENDS DANCE AND SING IS INSANE. I feel like I know this book so well but I still get mad every time I hear that song LOL THIS IS SUCH A TRUE TO LIFE SITUATION AAAAH-

Yelling aside, I really do think it’s pretty real for a lot of people, especially those who create something that other people evaluate (i.e. posting what you create on social media). Even if you know in your head that numbers don’t mean anything, even if you know how algorithms work, even if you keep in mind all the factors that go into the reasons behind the feedback one receives, you’ll still inevitably end up comparing your numbers to some other person and feeling like this is unfair. Everyone suffers from this thing, everyone ends up feeling like the numbers express their worth and how others see them. Everyone feels stupid when something they worked hard on doesn’t get as many numbers as a quick nostalgia-bait that isn’t even good but ultimately is more engaging to people for other reasons.

I think this is the first time I’ve seen this exact conflict shown in media in this particular way, so I really appreciate it.

So, to sum up, even though it may seem like Ch5 is way too long and focuses on a lot of things at once, I think all of these things tie into one thematic narrative very nicely. Despite the fact that Vil’s “sin” would probably be vanity, I how much he talks about physical appearance, diets and cosmetics, the majority of his inner turmoil boils down to him feeling like a misunderstood artist and caring too much about how others envision him. Epel, Deuce, Kalim – all of them struggle with how others evaluate them, in their own different ways.

This book also had a lot of tasty dialogue (a lot of shippy ones too) and a lot of very good conflicts that made characters understand a lot about each other and themselves.

Speaking of ships? Rook/Vil and Neige/Vil aside, we had such a fun Azul/Jamil moment at the beginning of the book, and also Kalim/Jamil, Ace/Deuce, also some food for those who enjoy ships that we don’t really like. It was fruitful.

Also this is the book where Idia got called a brocon, and this gives it the additional +100 beauté points.

[oaxleaf]

i do feel like pulley makes a conscious choice, whilst she typically acknowledges the homophobia that would be present in a period setting, to not make it a significant plot point or to have too much angst surrounding it, which i very much appreciate. sometimes you can put queer people in fun historical settings and let them be miserable for reasons other than being queer. simultaneously, i’ve been thinking a lot lately about the themes of heteronormativity in thlovk. because those are not necessarily the same thing? i’m lucky enough to not have experienced much in-person homophobia, but by god does hetero- and cisnormativity prevail no matter how progressive of a place you live in.

so yeah, the way valery talks about things like marriage and family really resonates. the pretty much presumed loneliness, the notion that if you don’t settle down with your opposite-sex partner and have a bunch of kids then you’ll end up sad and uncared for. and whilst homophobia is mentioned and relevant (though more so when it comes to shenkov), heteronormativity is the real insidious attitude in the novel. how valery himself, throughout the entierty of the novel, keeps presuming that he’ll always lie farthest down on the list of people shenkov cares about, because the straight nuclear family promotes the idea that love and caring is a limited resource in a person when it really isn’t, and that a romantic, heterosexually married spouse will always take the automatic highest priority, followed by ones biological children, and that there even needs to be a hierarchy. valery’s insecurities are not about being queer, but it’s about the things everybody assumes you’ll never have just because of your queerness. and i appreciate an exploration of the struggles of queer identity that go deeper than the risk of hatred and homophobia

[venusgirltarot]

Although the pictures above are edited by me to fit a theme, the original pictures are not mine! All credit goes to the original owners!

Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Tarot readings are about possibilities based on your current energy. Energy is forever changing and nothing is set in stone. Always remember, you have your own free will to make whatever decision you feel is best.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, envision the person you are thinking of and then choose the pile(s) you feel most drawn to.

If you would like a personal reading from me, you can get one, here!

Hello, lovely pile one! The last time you saw your person they may have confessed feelings for you or there was some sort of conversation between the two of you that took your connection with them to the next level. This could be someone you’ve had a crush on or been in the talking phase with for awhile and one of you made the first move and asked the other out on a date.

This has a very lovey honeymoon phase type of vibe. Before this conversation or offer, your person had a lot of anxiety and stress towards you and the connection you two have. Like a fear that they’ve been reading the situation wrong, the feelings are one sided, you don’t see them as anymore than a friend, etc. but this conversation the two of you had completely eliminated those fears for them.

There’s this fresh, vibrant and excited energy surrounding them. I heard “the stars shine brighter” almost like every part of life for them is more vibrant and meaningful now that they’ve made this next step with you. I keep getting a message about Mary Poppins? I keep getting an image from the beginning of the original movie where that guy is walking around the town and singing? (I’m sorry if that’s off, I haven’t watched that movie since I was a kid) this may resonate with some of you somehow (if it does, please let me know! I love hearing about how odd little messages like this resonate with you all!)

The people around your person may also notice that they’re happier. I heard “pep in their step” your person just comes off as so much lighter, happier and vibrant to those around them.

As for how this person felt the last time you saw each other:

When I was shuffling for this portion, I heard “giddy” and “blind hope” The last time you saw your person may have been in some sort of group setting or small gathering. They may have been jealous or upset about the lack of attention they were getting from you but I don’t think they made this known or told you about it. They may have seen you talking to someone else and they felt very jealous and this is what pushed them to have this conversation with you or ask you out (I keep hearing “blind hope” again) the way this person approached you or asked you out may have seemed abrupt to you but I don’t think you were upset about it, at all. In fact, I think you may have been waiting for this for awhile. This jealousy pushes them to make the first move and it’s not something thought out or planned and afterward, it feels like a weight lifted off their shoulders. There may be this mentality for them of like “I’ve been stressing about pile one and whether or not they have feelings for me for so long and I let it hold me back from asking them out but now that I have, I don’t know why I didn’t do it sooner” it feels like the easiest thing they’ve ever done because your connection and conversations are just so effortless. The two of you mesh together really well.

They have this overall very giddy and excited energy but also more relaxed than they have been in a long time. They may be sleeping better now that they’ve asked you out. Truly, they were so worried about the feelings being one sided and you not wanting them that it kept them up at night. I just heard “I missed you so much”

I feel like I’m not supposed to say much more, I believe you’ll be going on a date with this person soon and I’m strongly feeling that I’m not supposed to give out too much information and to let you experience this for yourself and I would recommend you also do the same! Get to know this person through them themselves (so no social media stalking lol) and don’t obsess or stress about the connection too much! Let it flow effortlessly and enjoy this person and the time you spend with them! The feelings are most definitely mutual and there’s nothing to be afraid of.

Hello, Pile Twos!

The last time you saw your person could have been at some sort of charity event or work event. They were really excited to see you and really nervous, as well. They spent a lot of time looking at you. There was something about you that came off as very giving and mature. Everything about you seemed so effortless and elegant to them.

You could have also been around children. This person thinks you’re very good with children and have a very motherly/fatherly/parental vibe and they really like that about you. They may have seen a more intimate side to you or less professional side to you. Maybe you know them through work or something professional and when they last saw you, it was somewhere outside of work where you didn’t have to be as straight forward or professional.

You came off as very easy going and friendly to them. You know how to work a crowd and keep a conversation going. A lot of the time, your person just stood back in awe of you. You may have felt that they didn’t like you or something because they didn’t talk to you much or seem to be making an effort to be around you more but that’s not the case at all, they definitely noticed you. I heard “spent the whole night noticing you” I don’t get the vibe that they were too intimidated to talk to you or felt like they couldn’t, I think they just enjoyed seeing you socialize and just be yourself.

They really like getting to see you in a setting that’s very different from the kind of setting they usually see you in. They also thought you were very funny and easy going. I know I’ve said easy going before but it’s a message that keeps coming in frequently. Maybe you’re serious at work or wherever you usually see this person? There’s just something so different about you and the way you act here like more light and carefree, just enjoying yourself and not worrying about anything or stressing. Maybe you have a very stressful job? Or your job has been very stressful lately?

After this last interaction, your person saw you as someone very balanced. Grounded but carefree and kind of go with the flow, funny and outgoing but also serious and professional. I think this person is seeing more of you and your personality and they really like what they see. They want to know more about you, you definitely fascinate them.

This could be a very recent ex. The last time you saw them could have been when you were meeting up to give each other back all your old stuff or something or maybe you share custody of your children or a pet or something? The reason for the breakup could be due to infidelity. For some of you (especially if children are involved) your person could even still be in a relationship with the person they cheated on you with.

No matter the situation, your person felt very flustered around you. You came off as very self sufficient and happy, like you’re doing fine without this person in your life. Some of the cards you got were The Empress, The 10 of Cups and The Four of Wands. To them, it seems like luck is on your side and you’re doing just fine.

I heard “best you’ve ever been” I keep hearing a 5SOS song. I think it’s “Mood Swings” (I could definitely be wrong tho) but the lyric is “I can tell by the look in your eyes that you don’t wanna fight on a Friday night” and “I hope you don’t mind that I ruined our time” I’m getting very emotional and on the verge of tears rn so hearing this may be very emotional for you? If this is an ex, you may still have love for them and are fond of the memories you share with them but are also aware that they aren’t good for you and that you need to move forward without them or at the very least, without them playing the same role or taking up the same space in your life that they did previously. If no one else has told you, I want you to know that that is okay and I’m proud of you for knowing when a situation/person is no longer serving you and moving forward without them while still healing from that loss and hurt. Your feelings are valid and it’s okay to move on. The time you spent with this person was not time wasted and it’s okay to think back on it and appreciate it while still moving forward without this person.

Now, back to this person’s thoughts/feelings, they may have even expressed to you that they wanted to try again but if so, you turned them down (some of you may have told them you’d think about it and it’s not my place to tell you what you should/shouldn’t do and I can only see so much of this situation but I do want to tell you that just because someone wants you back, doesn’t mean you have to or should take them back. Always do what’s best for you and what will make you happiest but don’t feel like you have to do anything for anyone other than yourself.)

I’ll finish off by saying pretty much what I’ve been saying, this person sees you as an elevated person. Like someone that has gone through a post breakup sort of glow-up and is thriving on their own. You’re coming off to them as very successful and self sufficient. I heard “you’re absolutely glowing” you don’t need this person and it’s obvious to them. They may have even been a little jealous seeing you and knowing others would want you (I heard “why wouldn’t they”) you could definitely move on to someone else and have no problem doing it and that kind of drives this person insane. They’re feeling a lot of regret for their past actions and rethinking their decisions but that’s not on you at all.

I’m going to end the reading here because I feel it’s best for you to focus on yourself and not worry about this person. You’re doing so much better and are going to continue to get better with time. You shouldn’t have to worry about this person or their thoughts/feelings. Don’t let their energy hold you back or weigh you down. Do what’s best for you and what makes you happy!

I hope this reading has brought you some sort of peace, clarification, or happiness! Feedback is always appreciated :) have a good day or night. Sending you love and light!

࿐ mara

[atopvisenyashill]

i think the problem with hotd is that people are expecting asoiaf levels of writing or early got levels of writing but they're just not built like that lol martin is a generational talent but f&b is not that good and some changes are needed

okay so-

f&b is bad

objectively yes. i think it has better world building than a lot of other fantasy out there but the concept of “hiding my hints about the main series through world building with an unreliable narrator” is not done particularly well with f&b. i think it just doesn’t fit george’s gardening writing style and i wish he’d let it go or at least rework the concept.

some changes are needed

again, yeah objectively, and that’s not even just an f&b thing. adapting a series with this many characters and this many moving parts is monumentally difficult and that’s not even getting into how moving from book to film is always a challenge bc something that works on paper won’t work visually. but also, with how all over the place f&b is, it makes sense to tweak things to be more thematically resonant.

people are expecting better writing but these people do NAWT have that dog in em

again objectively right. it’s not just that no one can stand up to george’s writing, it’s that d&d just fundamentally misunderstand or don’t care about a lot of the main themes and characters in the books. they specifically spoke derisively about fans of the books who were “moms” (what the fuck does that even mean!) and nerds who like to analyze themes, because d&d are fake nerds, they are NOT fantasy lovers and they are NOT good writers. then you get condal, who imo buys way too much into the idea of the divinity of nobility in fiction (which is a very common thing in american fantasy. i think i’ve talked about this before, but mia from btb had a really great thread basically saying that divine nobility is so common in american fantasy bc we’ve never culturally HAD a monarchy & therefore don’t have that cultural memory of “this system sucks and we should be guillotining these freaks post haste” and this is something george is specifically critiquing!) which is why he’s so willing to cut lowborn or what i like to call “middle class nobility” like jeyne poole, beth cassell, and nettles (and tbh i think there’s shades of this in why sandor is written so abysmally too) and i do think ryan UNDERSTANDS that monarchies are Bad but he has this preoccupation with Exploring Divine Right that eclipses a lot of the class analysis. and hess is just like. idk what that woman’s problem is tbh i think she has a preoccupation with women being victimized and while i think understanding the ins and outs of what Being A Woman In The World is incredibly important to have in the writers room, i also think what she wants is catharsis and that’s just not something this series is ever going to offer anytime soon.

all of that to say, condal & hess may have a better understanding of the series and less weird hang ups about gender, race, and sexuality than d&d, they’re already kind of fucked bc the og show is such a bad adaption and they have their OWN hang ups that they seem completely unaware of, and no one to tell them no bc this ip is hbo’s cash cow.

the problem

HOWEVER. i feel similar about like, the last jedi for example in that i think that was a deeply flawed and annoying movie that misunderstands the entirety of lucas’ skywalker saga and is way too focused on kyle ron’s whiny bitch baby tantrums over his parents getting divorced when it should have been focused on THE MAIN FUCKING CHARACTERS in rey & finn, ntm the incredibly weird racial dynamics of how rian wrote finn, poe, rose, and tio benicio’s character who i forget the name of. BUT. i also think a lot of the good, necessary, and CORRECT criticism of tlj gets lost in the misogynistic racist nerdboy backlash to Women And Brown People Existing, and then further buried by Disney running the IP into the fucking ground (as well as, unfortunately, queen carrie fisher dying before production was finished).

So IMO i think there’s a non zero chance that HBO does some meddling with hotd bc it’s expensive and a big ip, and because tbis is a series that means a lot emotionally to a lot of people, including some of the most annoying illiterate assholes on the internet, a lot of the really good, necessary, and CORRECT criticism gets lost under the sheer amount of people with nicola-or-holliday-as-rhaenyra-icons bitching about how they don’t let rhaenyra look girly enough and never mind that outside of like two scenes where she HAS to wear trousers, she’s ALWAYS WEARING DRESSES AND JEWELRY??? it’s like, yeah i DO think the way they write daemon’s interactions with his daughters & laena is stupid & bad & makes him less interesting as a character and i think part of that is hess’ preoccupation with victimization and catharsis but do NOT put me in the same goddamn conversation as people unironically saying that targaryen problems started when they started fucking andals, it’s not MY fault the h particles go craaaazy in this fandom!

[seeingteacupsindragons]

So I’ve been asked if Yuukoku no Moriarty is a “queer” manga, and I’m still inclined to say not…really? for all that it has some queer characters (love that) and a lot of themes that resonate with queerness (love those). It’s got all those good, good found families and weird relationships that can’t properly be named much of anything and characters who find happiness outside the law and at the fringes of society and people being saved by their freedom to pursue who they are rather than what they think they should be.

And in that vein, let’s talk about the fact that YuuMori says, repeatedly and in many forms, “binaries are stupid and fake and don’t exist anyway. Fuck binaries.”

For example, let’s take the one most people would recognize most easily: Bond. Male? Female? Man? Woman? Both? Neither? A switch from one to the other? Whatever the fuck they want to be whenever they want to be whichever is more convenient at the time? C’mon, there’s literally a photo of the character in both forms, together, and Sherlock just folds it in half and flips it over as necessary. Bond does not give a shit about gender binaries.

Criminals and detectives? What about a criminal who can catch criminals as well as any detective? What about a detective who can commit a crime as well as any criminal? Why don’t they both have both skillsets interchangeably, to be used whenever one is more convenient than the other and whenever they personally want to. They’re not that different, whatever other people think.

Nobles? Commoners? We have at least two little orphan boys who bridged the gap, and possibly two Holmes who diverged on it as well. They seem in opposition, yet at least one noble wants to stop the corruption, as does the Queen herself. Following your queen’s orders is a good thing, and yet leading another country to tragedy demands eternal atonement of their descendants.

Light and darkness? What about the lord of the dark criminal underworld being a shining beacon of light in the dark night? What about a shining light of justice being full of tainted bad habits and dark impulses? What about a pretty face with a dark mind and a bad boy aura with a golden heart?

Fire and water? But both are dangerous, and both are rejuvenating, and both can work together. They’re not opposites: they’re both needed, and they can both exist together. Who said they can’t?

The criminal mastermind and the Government itself? No, sorry, they’re actually working together for the same goals, on a spectrum together, more similar than different.

Good? Evil? What do those things even mean? How do you determine what it is, when actions and intentions and consequences all mix together: murder is bad, but covering up the sins of a hero keep his good goals intact for the public to believe in. Hurting other people is evil, and stopping them is good. But how are you stopping them? And why?

It’s just a repeated thing: two things that seem like opposites, that are society deemed as two Entirely Separate Things which cannot mix are…actually the same, actually exist in all people, and actually are interchangeable. None of these binaries mean anything: it’s just a division of things on the same spectrum with the same meaning. To divide them at all is an unnecessary societal farce that ends up hurting people more than it helps.

And goddamn if that isn’t queer. Queer, not LGBTQIAP+: because dividing people up and labeling them doesn’t matter when the labels can be mixed up and thrown out and thrown everywhere.

[chubs-deuce]

Hi, fellow writer/artist here! This is about your recent post about struggling with your writing, and I found that I had a lot to say and I didn’t want to clog up the comment section, I hope it’s alright that I sent it this way, and if its too long or not helpful, my apologies XD

My number one tip: there are no rules! Writing is fun time! It’s kids finger painting with words! Its emotions! It’s characters we love, and stories our hearts or brains or some other parts of us wanna tell! Always lean into what sounds the most fun when you’re stuck! Even if you never use it! <3

In my experience, some writing is better than no writing when you feel like it's not good. Sometimes to get out of being stuck I find it best to just keep typing, even if it stops making sense, or i hit enter twice and start rattling off a new scene or a different story entirely! Sometimes I will literally just type ‘why does writing feel so hard. This feeelsss dumb blah blah blahblahblah fuuuuuck fuuuuuuuuuuuck why do I feel so stuck -’ And so on until eventually my brain thinks of something else haha – literally just a brain dump. Type any random word that comes to mind. Sometimes I just open a clean document and go at it with this, you can always copy paste anything remotely relevant that may come out of it somewhere else later.

The rewrite loop is a hard one, I find that when I'm stuck in that space, sometimes taking a step back and just literally making a bullet point list of the scenes and/or what I want to accomplish really helps! Recently I also started going through and highlighting certain passages or concepts in the document that are poignant to the themes or vibes of the story/ that I wanna circle back around to in some way. Its been helping me keep things a bit more consistent in terms of emotion, and has helped a lot with ‘scene-block’. Bc instead of being like ‘uhhhh okay what now?’ I can always look back through the highlights and see what needs to be carried through more – or it can spark a new idea from thinking over how to get to that specific point you want to reach!

Sometimes when writing feels too daunting to me I’ll literally just tell myself “that’s okay. You don’t have to write. You can do literally anything else.” And sometimes just that, the verbal removal of the pressure, can loosen things up – especially if I do want to be writing. But sometimes, you really just do need a break from it. Picking up another hobby to fill writing time when I’m burnt out really helps me out!

I’ve taken months away from all sorts of writing projects before (both fan work and personal) bc there was just a block. And it sucks. I’m really sorry you’ve been dealing with this, it’s such a frustrating experience.

Honestly, sometimes writing can help you work through something IRL, but other times I find that sometimes the writing has to wait until I’ve hit a certain milestone personally. There’s a project of mine I pick up maybe once a year. Maybe. Because it just can’t have what I need it to until I sort some of those personal things out in my own life.

I’ve also noticed how much your Charlastor Fankid AU has taken off (Love Dawn btw), and you expressed recently how you’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the amount of asks/etc with the executive dysfunction of it all (same btw) (I’m also the person from the comment on that - hi lol). I wouldn’t be surprised if some of those pressure-feelings you’ve expressed have bled over into your other WIPs, pls be kind to yourself <3

Think how long people waited for Hazbin content from Viv, or any other number of indie-origin fandoms. When people love an idea or a style or any other number of things, the people it resonates with are happy to give the person or people behind it time. You can tell when someone enjoys making things. When something is made with that passionate spark. I want you to know that your posts really do have that. I can tell how much love you have to give through your work. People who like your stuff aren’t going to disappear if you need to take a minute to breathe, you know? I know the world we live in, and the faux-perfection of the internet can make us creatives feel like we need to be machines, but it’s not true. We’re people. And other decent folks will be happy to respect that!

Creativity and how we express it is very personal, and everyone’s process is different, so I can only really speak from my own perspective here, but you’re doing great. Your work is amazing, and I hope your writer’s block clears up soon!

I hope this message doesn’t come off weird in any way, with this massive message out of ‘nowhere’, my heart just really went out to you on this from one writer and artist to another. I also sent this as an ask bc for some reason sending a DM this long felt weird given that we haven't really spoken before.

Good luck with everything! Always here if you need another creative person to complain to or chat with LOL

- Lizzie

sobbing, this actually made me so (positively) emotional man-

Thank you so so so much for taking the time to type all this out and reach out like this, it honestly means the world from me, especially since your ask here really is oozing with empathy and care in ways that surprisingly hit me in the feels pretty good???

I'm sorry I didn't respond to this sooner but I kind of couldn't muster the energy to give it the kind of response it deserves that wasn't just senseless keysmashing sdkjhsdkjfh

what's wack about my particular kind of writer's block is that I'm more than happy to ramble on and on about Dawn and my ideas for her story in asks etc, but to make a coherent story of it feels like an undoable feat somehow?

I've always had a knack for piecing together a plot out of thin air or based on next to nothing to go off of, but it's actually putting it into a consumable format that I always, ALWAYS get hung up on, and it bothers me to no end :'3

Your reassuring words genuinely really help a lot in soothing my fears of, well, I guess irrelevancy?

I do ultimately write for myself, but I can't help but feel like there's a ticking clock in the back of my brain that tells me I need to make something consumable before the "fad" around Dawn especially passes and most people that would've cared about a fic about her have already moved on, if that makes sense?

It's a stupid amount of pressure to put on myself and maybe even sounds kind of arrogant, but I do thrive off of seeing people react to and think out loud about things I'm passionate about - it's a connection, a communication of sorts, something I'll never not desperately crave.

I've been having so much fun with Dawn and the story surrounding her and I couldn't be happier that people are so engaging with what I put out in turn! So much so that a part of me dreads seeing when that will come to an end ^^"

I'll keep trying though, and keep doing what I love <3

Again, thank you so much for taking the time to reach out like this, a lot of this is something I definitely needed to hear and words can't express how much I sincerely appreciate it ;w;

[ladymdc]

*writer interview*

Thanks for the tag @bardic-inspo. I appreciate it ♥️

I’ll tag @dismalzelenka, @ellstersmash, @championofdogs, @yuusaris, & @rose-de-noire — no pressure & feel free to ignore me!

When did you start writing?

Early 20s. I didn’t really have access to fandom spaces until I was out of my childhood home & in college. But I quickly realized I could write/share all these things floating around in my head that various games/shows inspired in me.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I don’t really think so? I will read about anything, & I will try to write about anything as long as it sparks. A lot of the time those things overlap, but I do lean into grief, love & forgiveness a lot as a writer/reader.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

No emulation or comparisons here. The most I get told is that I’m good being concise & saying a lot with very little (gut punch sentences/scenes etc)— which is flattering & what I strive for since it is my style/*how* I like to write.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I literally do not have one lol. I am so busy I do 90% of my writing in gdocs on my phone wherever I happen to be & when I have some time. The other 10% is when I’m at work & can discreetly pop it up in a tab & write on & off throughout the day in between tasks.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Fallow when I need to fallow.

Every time I ignore it, I block & burnout. I didn’t want to fallow earlier this year since I just got into my current passion project, but after 3 months of other hobbies & rest, coming back to it has been great. I love my story & think I’m alright at this writing thing again.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I have noticed I tend to lean into themes of self-loathing (sometimes anxiety), the related trauma, & how that effects the way they move through life & build relationships— & if that isn’t showing my whole ass, idk what is.

I also really enjoy the whole sociopath/something monstrous & their one (1) person, who loves & understands them, that they love & cherish trope— but hey, I wrote Rhack for 3 years, that one was bound to stick around.

What is your reason for writing?

It’s a part of me. I’m not sure how that happened, but that’s the easiest way to explain. Like years ago, I had a reasonably popular writer (“friend”) steal my ideas & gaslight/mess with my stats/comments (fake accounts) & I honestly didn’t think I could recover from that when it all came to a head. It took a while to get to a place where that part of me felt whole again, & I could write… but I don’t think it would have hurt so much if it was just the “something to do” it had started off as.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I’ve never been one to inspire interaction, or I don’t feel like I am, so anything feels nice. I try to not let it get to me. The above nonsense did a number on me with stats = quality for a while, so I try to update & forget about it for a few days. Then it feels less bad going into an empty inbox because I did the thing! I updated & made progress on my story!

Plus, I’m a quiet reader too/busy & I forget a lot, so I get it. I just hope what I share resonates/sparks joy with those following along, & I call it good.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I’m just someone out there doing my best & sometimes that doesn’t even feel like enough, so I’m probably just like everyone else lol. I hope I seem approachable. That’s my intention, at least.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Worldbuilding, story/plot, & conciseness. I love trying to say a lot with very little & why I gravitate toward drabble exercises (100 word stories) every so often.

How do you feel about your own writing?

It varies. Sometimes I think I’m alright at this & happy with my little digital library. Some of my older works make me cringe regularly, but I leave them up because they show me how much I’ve grown & how many stories/words it took to get where I am.

Right now I’m in a pretty good place, but that took some time. Like I loved my last fandom, but I definitely needed a break from antis & the pressure I was exerting on myself. Where I’m at now, no one knows me. I’m a drop in a very big ocean so I feel like I’m just doing my thing, which has been an adjustment, but not every fandom needs to be a place I get involved & make friends. Loving on my current passion project has been a good reminder on why I started writing in the first place, & even if I have bad days where I think I’m too slow or not good enough, focusing on me & what this part of me needs has been good/healing.

When you write, are you influenced by what others enjoy might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

What I write is either a gift or self-indulgent, sometimes both. I can’t write for stats or attention. I don’t know how people do that, but no judgement either. Sometimes I think I hold it too close, & wish I could, but alas. Seems like I’m built to just pour my heart into everything I create (or all my pent of hornt depending on the work ;asldkfj) & that’s it ♥️

[rinnysega]

Writing a book is a lonely hobby, but it’s been nice to be able to reflect on and process stuff in the quiet. Some personal stuff below.

It’s been about a year since I found out I’m autistic and have c-ptsd. Reflecting on the changes I made over the past year, I’m happy I’m in a better mental place, surrounded by people I feel healthy and safe around, and a lot of what I learned about my brain and outlook on the world is therapeutic to write about in the world of my books. While I’m only human and wish I could go back in time with the knowledge and skills I have now, a lot of the experiences unique to me since childhood are what made me who I am. It helped me understand the meaning of life and what’s important at the end of the day.

It’s an emotional thing to process because when I look too deep into it, I sort of answer my own questions about life. A lot of past suffering, feelings of neglect, alienation and bullying, emotions I felt intensely but couldn’t describe, mistakes I made, situations that harmed me, people who harmed me, they’re all things I wish didn’t happen so I could be happy. But, if I didn’t make those mistakes or learn from those situations, I never would have put the pieces together in therapy in order to figure out who I am. To really be happy, for me, meant I had to study my past, to learn how I live in the world as an autistic person. Using my past as a textbook, I was able to spot patterns of when I short changed myself and allowed the smart, strong person I know I am to be duped into feeling less than because of my own insecurities of how I was born. It’s easy now to spot when my past self would have fallen into anxious, disassociating, people pleasing habits in overwhelming situations. While I still struggle with it on occasion (mostly the notion of reaching out when I need help or expressing needs), now that I can see it, it’s easier for me to handle.

I don’t get as overwhelmed by confusion anymore but instead when I feel overwhelmed, it’s for emotions I have a name for and can handle it fine, but they just make me sad. Most of the time it’s the sadness for why I had to be born different, discouraged from autism testing when I had a chance to know only to get to the point where I developed c-ptsd. Sadness for the fact that, on the opposite side of the coin, I hurt friends too in my trauma responses and confusions. Sadness that I let myself get lost in the abuse from past partners, sadness I acted out in burnouts or meltdowns when my brain got absolutely mentally fried. Just feeling helpless when I got stuck in horrible loops and spirals that felt impossible to escape. I don’t think those feelings will ever fully go away, but it’s easier to handle knowing I’ll have significantly less of those negative experiences now that I know how to avoid them before it gets worse. I have a beautiful life ahead of me with people who love me with the same intensity and empathy that I hold for them. I owe so much to them, and you know who you are if you’re reading this.

Writing always made me happy. It’s the outlet I felt I could really be myself, and it always made me happy when people liked what I had to say or loved my characters I brought to life. Thats always been my dream since I was a kid, and it feels good to be starting my journey as a career author with all of this in mind. I know what stories I love to tell. I know what themes spark a passion in me. I love helping others, and I love being able to show someone they’re understood, even if it’s by just one other person. To touch just one person with something I write that they can resonate with and not feel alone in the world? That’s worth more to me than anything. Fandom was a nice starting point, and I adore the friends I’ve made, but I’m ready for more ❤️

Nearing the end of the revisions and starting the publishing journey has me feeling lots of things, so it’s nice to come on here and get it out to those of you who’ve stuck around with me through multiple fandoms and my own personal nonsense over the past 15 years. I made a new blog to set aside in the possible chance I get published, to separate my personal spaces from a professional one (DM tho if interested). Thanks for sticking by me, and helping me to feel not so alone in the world too, whether or not you’re still here or we talk on other platforms (or in person ❤️).

I feel like I get my thoughts and musings across better in realms of fiction, but if you’re reading this and made it this far, I hope you know you’re worth everything. Not just to me, but to everyone you know. I know it’s scary to feel alone, in the dark on emotions or problems that feel impossible to describe or place, but you are loved. You are loved ❤️

[aimfor-theheart]

i’ve been reading godmaker for the first time and i’m not super far into it (i’m on the third chapter) but it’s reminding me a lot of sharing beds like little kids insofar as the readers have similar abilities and the tragedy hovers in the atmosphere similarly. i’m not sure how to articulate it but it’s that foreboding feeling that all of this has been decided already and we’re all hurtling toward inevitable heartbreak. and i think that’s u grappling with the existing tragedies present in the source material of the manga/anime but i wanted to let u know that it’s a really great atmosphere for the fic. it hurts a lot to know that the hope within these fics is very small and proportional to how powerful and how deeply constrained the main characters are by their situations in life. whether it’s hawks with being a hero or dabi becoming a villain or gojo becoming a god i think it’s really interesting that u grapple with these themes. it’s really interesting to draw a through line across these two fics. it also makes me think about coin toss a bit and how you’ve talked about how that’s like The Story u wanted to tell about tomura. it’s really resonated with me since u published it bc it really encapsulates the tragedy of tomura and hero society. and i just wanna say thank u that u approach these topics in ur fics bc they’re not easy but they’re really rewarding as a reader trying to engage in the source material in a way that isn’t really done by the creators of the mangas themselves

woah….anon i’m not gonna lie to you….this is maybe the most seen i’ve ever felt about my writing?? lmao?? does that even make sense?? but ig i think you just captured entirely, exactly what i set out to accomplish with those fics and it is very insane and incredible and i’m just?? a little lost for words

i just really really appreciate you—not just taking the time to read my fics but then come to my inbox and articulate your thoughts and dissect my writing and—literally Get It like spot on!!!

there are several things to know about me: i love tragedies. i love stories dealing with time. i think there is a great deal of room for tragedy within plots centering time. and like you said, i just really wanted to tease out those elements of tragedy that i saw within the original works.

in general with heroes (or gods)—there’s this fate tied to them. you know? when we deal with such titan figures, there is a myth and fate tied to them. gojo especially to me is like…so macbeth-ian (perhaps getou is moreso but. they both are) in the sense that….was he always going to be a god? or did he make himself that way because that what was expected and told to him? does it matter—if he by his own violation or not would still become one?

and i like inserting a reader that further emphasizes or complicates that. i also just like my very powerful, all-knowing, cassandra readers.

anyways. i just can’t get over this ask. thank you SO much. thank you from the bottom of my heart. it was rewarding to write it!! even more rewarding to hear that it was captured well and something that you enjoyed and sunk your teeth into!

thank you thank you thank you 💗💗

[thelador-s-mclargehuge]

Prologue

(The Hastag for these is #HKR-BTS)

So I’ve been thinking about how I’m gonna start doing a Behind The Scenes for Hollow Knight Resurrected And, while I’ve put a ton of theming in the series. I think there’s one theme that really permeates the whole thing. This theme kinda came about by accident… but it’s the least surprising thing in the world that it’s all over these videos, because it’s how the videos came to be at all: Never let anyone tell you that rage and spite cannot create something beautiful. Especially if the thing you’re raging against is “The Way Things Are.” People will try to tell you it is dishonorable to fight against the dark to reach the end of the tunnel. Fight them too. They put the tunnel there. And that light at the end doesn’t just exist in front of you, it’s above you, and if the walls and ceiling of the tunnel cease to exist, that light would shine on you, and all the people you love, where you stand.

But of course the thing I was spiting at the time was the Youtube Algorithm, so if that up there resonated with you, sorry about that kick in the balls lol.

Anyway that’s no secret. That’s how I announced I was gonna be making Hollow Knight videos again! But it ultimately starts with the idea I had for Whenever Silksong came out was a more narrative focused series than my Hollow Knight one, and maybe a little longer running because the only content youtube would recommend to anyone from our channel was the Hollow Knight videos despite the overall praise that they got. They just didn’t get as many immediate views.

But I had an idea of the character I wanted hornet to be. That’s why she’s the best characterized bug early on. And if I ever do end up doing that Silksong series, not a lot of that will have changed. My original idea for Hornet is still very much who she is currently in HKR, I’ve just delved a little deeper. I liked to play a wide swath of games. I’ve never liked to stick to one for very long, and if I was gonna stick to one, it was probably going to be something like Path of Exile. But Hollow Knight is a game that’s good as hell. But I kind of resented youtube for Pigeonholing me into being a Hollow Knight Youtuber. But, it was getting to the point where the channel was just slowly wasting. And, well, Silksong did not come out. And the things that gave us the big views were the Hollow Knight videos. This was on top of me having a pretty bad year. A couple of my family members got very sick from cancer, My dad had mostly decided to remove himself from my life, and I’d gotten into a car crash. So, Fuck it. New Hollow Knight series.

Now having my friends do voice acting was kind of a new idea. And ultimately, just a really good one. I’d had them do some quotes on some of my video essays. But voice acting characters was something I’d just started having them do. The first one was the video directly preceding the Hollow Knight ones. A Dyson Sphere Simulator video about building a giant penis! It was a lot of fun and taking that route into Hollowest was ultimately the best possible way to go! The original idea was to make it a prologue to what the Silksong videos were going to be. Just kind of a short jaunt through Hollownest where I spent one episode per area. And then after every video, put a little advertisement for my other videos to maybe get people to watch those, and then maybe youtube would start recommending them, and then I become un-pigeonholed.

And to be clear. The thing I said in the announcement video where I pointed out it was not the fault of anyone who watched my videos that they didn’t get big. Still true. Youtube Fucked me. Not my fans. I’ve been incredibly lucky on youtube honestly! The very worst comments I’ve gotten have been along the lines of “Broo you’re still doing Hollow Knight stuff? Booring” And contrasting with the best comments that have been close to “this series changed my life” The community I’ve grown and the fans I’ve gotten have always surprised me as being fantastically supportive and wonderful. I might have the most positive comments section in all of youtube! But that means there’s no controversy, so there’s no hatewatching. Youtube would much prefer some toxicity. The only sin the Graveyard Media fans have committed is being way to chill.

But if you’re wondering why I haven’t stopped, even though it didn’t work to stop the channels decline, it’s the same reason that it didn’t become a simple one episode per zone series. Because the more I did, the more I fell in love with what I was making. And the more I wanted to nurture it and make it into something I was proud of. If it was gonna be the youtube channels Last Hurrah, I wanted to make is such a hurrah that it will be worthy of remembrance! (Can’t even keep myself from the LOTR bullshit in this lmao)

And I’m proud of what I’ve done on it. And all the best stuff is still to come. I’ve saved most of it for the final episode. And I’m gonna try and get that done too! Because if I can keep going after all I’ve been through, god will need to come down from heaven with a gun and shoot me in the head if he wants me to stop!