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stillness-in-green · 2 years ago

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On Riots and Resolutions (Part Two)

The remaining ask round-up portion, building on the answers from last night's post.

Content Warnings: Discussion of real-life hate groups; one ask conflates mental illness with radicalism and makes some bald statements that there can only be one correct opinion about the canonical material in question.

This post has its usual share of footnotes, but I’ve put them at the end of their associated ask reply rather than all at the end like usual.

Two thoughts: Firstly, Japan’s extremists, as I understand them, tend to be either rampantly nationalistic—war crime deniers, people who hate Japanese residents who don’t match up to what the nationalists see as really Japanese (*waves to Part One*), sometimes they like the U.S. but they don’t want to be seen as being submissive towards it, that sort of thing—or outright cultists.

Using the nationalists as a model is tricky because, as so many have said, heteromorphs aren’t of a different ethnicity/nationality, so they nominally shouldn’t be objectionable to those whose chief issue is people/influence from other countries. (Nominally. *waves to Part One again*) They’re also a very fraught group to parody, given Japan’s to-say-the-least unresolved issues with exactly those nationalistic sentiments, historically speaking.

As to the cultists? Well, Japan has piles and piles of those. Indeed, the country has so many that one of the most common terms for alternative spirituality groups, new religious movements (NRMs), is actually a direct translation of the term Japan itself uses, shinshūkyō. So far as I’ve been able to gather, the proliferation is a result of the country having been loosed from the mandate of following the state religion (Shinto) just as a huge influx of Western theology came flowing in after World War II. That developed further in the 60s and 70s—indeed, it’s quite easy to see Western ideas of what religion is and how it looks coming to Japan in the same general period as New Age spirituality in the West forming with elements borrowed ideas from Hinduism, Buddhism, and other Eastern religions.

While Japan has hundreds and hundreds of NRMs—over 2000, according to one op-ed I read—the country also has a sizeable suspicion of them, for one big, glaring reason: the sarin gas attacks carried out on the Tokyo subway in 1995 by Aum Shinrikyo. Those attacks led to a huge backlash against new religious movements in the country, including the passing of some very targeted laws.

Obviously, with so many of them around, I can’t say for sure whether or not Horikoshi based the Creature Rejection Clan on any of them in particular, but Twice does point out that they have some religious elements, and certainly there are plenty of NRMs in Japan that hew to the arch ethnonationalism of the country’s extreme right. The kegare thing, too, can hardly be called secular; it stems directly from Shinto belief. There aren’t any NRMs I’m personally aware of that use gothic trappings and skull masks, but then, neither did the KKK.[1]

That all leads into my second thought, which is, “Well, is the CRC based on the KKK? Or is that just us assuming because it’s what we relate them to?” As I said a few times in Part One, I can’t read Horikoshi’s mind—but I have reservations about just assuming that some random Japanese guy is that familiar with a U.S.-based hate group that has never been active in his country.

Horikoshi is a noted fan of American comics, so I suppose it’s possible he’s heard that anecdote about Superman taking on the KKK, but if I were reading an American comic with a plot about a doomsday cult planning an attack on a public transit system, I wouldn’t assume it was a reference to Aum Shinrikyo just because I knew the author liked anime, you know?

For another example of Western fans projecting their own concerns onto a non-Western work, it was widely assumed among American readers that the Ishvalan plot in Full Metal Alchemist was a comment on the Iraq War. However, when asked about it, Arakawa actually said she based it on the way Japan treated the Ainu. That desert setting completely fooled people!

So, even if the CRC feel a little too on the nose to not be based on the KKK, it’s worth considering that Horikoshi could have any number of inspirations there. He may well have been just picking and choosing the visual indicators he liked to get the point across, and the ones he landed on say “KKK” to a U.S. reader without them having been an intentional model.

-- 1: The Nazis, now, they used skull trappings, and are of course much more known for black uniforms, too. --

Would that such were more normalized! But even if it were, the time crunch on Shonen Jump publication is such that I doubt most of its authors would have the leisure to do a bunch of back and forth with sensitivity readers anyway. I imagine a lot of those authors have pretty limited hours and energy to spend all week working on their manga to also add a bunch of supplemental reading that also basically counts as “work for the manga” as opposed to literally any other kind of media intake that would let them turn off for a while.

I’m not going to say readers shouldn’t ask for better, or should just shut up or go read something else if they have problems with what an author is writing. Obviously! That would be massively hypocritical of me, given all the time I’ve spent complaining about this very issue, or the mass arrests, or whatever-all else. But then, I’ve always approached the issues Hori raises with his villains with the view that they’d fall flat eventually. Shonen Jump is just too mainstream an environment for me to think that Horikoshi would be allowed to say anything truly radical, if he even wanted to to begin with.

And maybe he’ll get feedback on this aspect of the story from readers and reviews and rethink some of it. I’ll always remember this article about an interview with the author of Sword Art Online, Kawahara Reki, in which he talked about how visiting American conventions had inspired him to try to do better by his heroines.

Of course, some people double down instead, like One Piece’s Oda Eiichirou, or reflexively lash out when criticized, like Vanillaware’s George Kamitani. Maybe Horokoshi will just go on thinking like he does because he doesn’t work in an environment that’s going to challenge him on his views; maybe he’ll seek out more mature environments to tell the more mature stories he clearly wants to tell.

In the meantime, though, it’s not as though he’s the only game in town. There are other manga out there, ones that have lists upon lists at the back of their volume compilations detailing the resources and contacts the authors used as they were writing their stories.

Just of what I read or have read, Blue Period, Golden Kamuy, Ancient Magus’s Bride, Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu, and any of Mori Kaoru’s historical works, like Victorian Romance Emma or Otoyomegatari, come to mind. Shonen Jump stories can be fun, but I don’t exactly read them expecting the manga equivalent of high literature, you know?

…On the other hand, even fellow Shonen Jump series Akane Banashi credits a rakugo supervisor every week. I suspect this speaks to a certain uncomfortable truth that many authors are going to be a lot more aware of their own ignorance—and, crucially, far less defensive about accusations of being hurtful, irresponsible, or discriminatory—when it comes to portraying things like art, specialist hobbies, historical periods or foreign countries: subjects that are legitimately distant from their day to day lives. That, in turn, may make them more willing to do the research with an open mind, as opposed to just winging it on things they believe they already understand well enough or have already formed opinions on, like the lived experience of minorities or how the legal system treats (or should treat) people who break the law.

The fact that lazy or offensive portrayals might come out of privileged ignorance rather than maliciousness doesn’t make them less lazy or offensive, of course, especially if an author chooses to double down after criticism! But I’ll get into that more in the last ask in this post.

H’ooookay, I’m going to lead with saying that, while I agree with your broad point that this resolution is messy and disappointing, I have some significant issues with your points here, things that I cannot just let stand in good faith.

Firstly, as far as comparing heteromorphs to burakumin goes, I have not and would never say that they’re only an analogue to burakumin because I don’t think heterophobia is a 1:1 analogue for any kind of discrimination. It takes elements from a lot of different things: anti-burakumin sentiment, racism, ableism, ethnocentrism, and so on.

I talked about burakumin discrimination in the post you’re responding to because the kegare thing is burakumin-specific. While I’m sure you could find individuals willing to level that word at groups they don’t like, I’m not aware of any other groups that have had kegare weaponized against them on such a widespread, systemic, legally codified level; therefore, burakumin are the reference I used to talk about kegare as it’s used against heteromorphs to police their movements/contact with others.

Secondly, saying burakumin have “the benefit” of looking like everyone else unless they’re outed feels insensitive to me. It’s the same thing as mixing up genuine privilege with being in the closet. Yes, burakumin lineage is something that’s not immediately visible right on their faces,[1] but that’s not the same thing as them being able to live openly without fear of discrimination, especially when there are still resources on the internet that purport to list burakumin neighborhoods, resources that are easily findable on a web search for e.g. the company hiring director vetting job applicants or the paranoid parent who wants to make sure their daughter isn’t getting involved with someone Undesirable.

Thirdly, conflating Qanon extremists with mental illness is a big, wholehearted NOPE for me, especially in saying only individuals who are mentally ill would attack innocent people. I’m certainly not going to say that no one who has ever carried out a mass attack was mentally ill, but it’s absolutely not an identical vector as radicalized resentment.

Fourthly, “making up a massacre” is, I suppose, true in that we’ve never heard of the incidents Scarecrow cites before now, but it’s not as though it’s completely out of the realm of the possible based on what we knew before this arc. We knew law and order broke down around the time of the advent of quirks; we knew there were (and still are!) groups that committed hate crimes against heteromorphs; we knew there had been bloody conflict for years upon years by the time things finally started to settle down circa Destro and the legalization of Pro Heroes.

Hell, the longer I gather evidence and mull it over, the more it seems likely to me that Horikoshi was aware of heteromorph discrimination from almost the very beginning. Shouji’s character profile, in which he pointedly did not have a face reveal and Horikoshi dropped hints about “Shouji’s episode,” came out in Volume 3. Ultra Archive, which talked about how Shouji was told he had a scary face since he was young, was released in 2016; Ultra Analysis, which first raised the crying little girl angle, in 2019. We’ve known for ages that Horikoshi likes to think about the stories of background characters, even if he can’t find room to show them.

Historical massacres? We may not have heard about them specifically before now, but it’s not like it’s a big reach. The CRC really ought to have clued everyone in that heteromorphic discrimination is much worse than Deku, the viewpoint character, ever knew, so I remain aggressively baffled at the constant accusations that all this is “coming out of nowhere.” Yes, I think it could have been more thoroughly developed in advance, but I really do think it’s not that Horikoshi didn’t know, or that he “made it up”; it’s just that he failed to incorporate it organically.

If the story were still the elegantly constructed narrative we were enjoying up through the Endeavor Agency Arc and the early stages of the war, I’d be more skeptical, because Horikoshi back then really was much better at those early hints and teases. But everyone can tell that the story has been a garbled, rushed mess since then, so it’s no big surprise to me that a better-paced exploration of heteromorphic discrimination was a victim of whatever kind of compressed timeline Horikoshi’s now operating under.

Finally, I broadly agree that the portrayal of this conflict was a damn mess on both sides—I particularly share your frustration that fifteen thousand members of an oppressed minority would be willing to attack a hospital under the direction of a known villain yet have given the optics of that attack so little thought that one (1) high-schooler and the sight of a handful of hospital employees standing well away from their line of advance could change their minds—but I’m wholly uncomfortable with your intimation that anyone who doesn’t agree with your specific read on the sides involved doesn’t know what they’re talking about. If you didn’t mean it that way, that’s cool, but I don’t see much other way to parse, “People who empathize more with one side or the other are either uneducated or don’t have discrimination in their daily reality/family history.”

“If anyone disagrees with me, either they’re white people whose opinions don’t count because they’re white or they’re people of color whose opinions don’t count because they’re ignorant,” is just not an opinion I’m going to back up. I saw plenty of POC on twitter and tumblr both who definitely did sympathize more with one side or another and had perfectly cogent, self-aware articulations as to why; declaring their opinions de facto invalid is no way to engage in media criticism OR fandom discourse.

-- 1: Though back in the days when burakumin were legally required to dress and style their hair in certain ways to make themselves obvious to those around them, you would have been able to tell they were burakumin just by looking at them, unless they were actively breaking the law and thus subject to punishment if they were discovered. --

Everyone is, of course, going to have their own read on this, but for my part, I’d rather see people try and fail than just never try at all. That’s assuming, anyway, that the attempt is made in good faith, which I think this plot was—at the very least, it never felt malicious towards the crowd of heteromorphs themselves,[1] though I am still squinting distastefully at the whole Outside Bad Actor element AFO/Skeptic/Scarecrow/Spinner present.

Of course, it’d be nice to know whether Horikoshi’s going to learn anything from this portrayal or whether it’ll just be a full round of backpats for a job halfway done, but saying he should just never have tried at all—well, it’s the same with his writing of women, really. There are some enormous problems, but I’d still rather read the version with all the flaws than the version without all the women.

That’s the long-time fandom participant in me, I’m sure; my stance will always be to take what works and jettison what doesn’t. For all that this resolution desperately does not work, all the reasons that it was something worth looking forward to and getting invested in are still there, too!

But again, that’s something everyone has to draw their own lines on, and I have nothing but sympathy for the frustration of those who, like myself, would never have believed such a facile resolution could be offered to such a fascinating set-up.

-- 1: I’d be more willing to assume malice if the heteromorphs were the only civilians in the story portrayed as so desperately gullible and impulsive, but Horikoshi’s been writing civilians that same way from the beginning. --

-----------------------------------------

That wraps up the asks in my inbox about this plot, at least the ones that were expressing specific anger with Horikoshi or fellow fandom members. I have one or two left that are more directly about the material, which I'll be getting to in the order in which I received them soonish.

I do apologize if these posts came off as preachy in that, "I am allowed to complain, but suddenly when I have anons in my inbox complaining, it's time to talk about nuance and context," kind of way. I do, perhaps, have a certain feeling that I can and will complain about the material to my heart's content, but I don't want to get too pulled into spiraling bitterness about Horikoshi personally because he didn't deliver the challenging resolution I never really believed his editors would let him deliver to begin with.

I promise I still hate the way the arc fell out! And I appreciate you all sharing your thoughts with me. 'Til next time, everyone.

#bnha #heteromorph discrimination plot #bnha culture gap #cw: hate groups #stillness answers

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sizzlingpatrolfox · 2 years ago

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Whew, thanks for saying what you said in your last answer. I’ve been a Jikook-skeptic/side-eyer (as in…I think there could have been something there but I don’t like turning it into a belief the way many seem to do), but after the last few lives, and especially after JK’s last live… Whew. Lol. It’s like you said: Jimin was clearly at home chilling, Jungkook was out with other friends and then went back to his own apartment to get drunk on live with armys. If nothing else, this should completely destroy the image Jikookers have of their relationship as practically married domestic bliss?

Jungkook also looked a little off to me — no huge red flags and nothing too concerning, but between Bam’s health, the sasaeng incidents and this period of transition in general I think he might not have been feeling his best and the alcohol brought that out a bit. If I were in a situation like that and I was (even part-time) co-habitating with my longterm significant other I would probably go to them for a cuddle and support, not… do drunken karaoke for my adoring fans and then pass out on the couch. Idk. It felt a bit like looking for support in the wrong place iykwim. I agree that he can be very random but he also seems a little restless/lost. The way he’s behaving in general gives off the energy of a single twentysomething having a bit of a life crisis. (I love JK this isn’t a drag! And not trying to blame the company for not giving him work or anything — I only think he’s trying to figure out who he is outside of the group. That’s the impression I get anyway. Nothing to be hugely concerned about.)

- Unpopular opinion but JK has issues. He feels a little lost rn. I feel like tae doesn’t challenge him and lets him be his lost chaotic moody self and that’s why he sticks to him. Jimin and jhope have their shit together and probably make him feel bad for being so messy lol

---

I obviously don't have the last word, and things could change tomorrow and maybe next week all we'll know is jikook hanging out together. Their social habits usually change from time to time. Maybe Jimin was somehow actually working. But that's not what I've seen so far, and if people are allowed to say they hang out privately and whatnot, I think I'm also allowed to say I don't agree. I don't see it. I just really belive people are lying to themselves with all these "Jimin is so busy they can't meet" "Jungkook is lonely because Jimin is busy" "Jungkook has to hang out with Tae because Jimin is busy." If I have to read that one more time istg.

That aside, and moving onto Jungkook only, I'm not really comfortable discussing what he might be going through, if he's even going through anyting at all. I don't think we have all the tools that are needed to know or to even begin assuming what is going on. I don't usually talk about them in matters that are this type of personal. Even with Jimin, for years I had a feeling that he wasn't okay but I didn't say it until he adressed it first. Because it's just too speculative.

A couple of stuff I do agree with and feel comfortable acknowledging:

The thing about looking for support in the wrong place made me think of Taehyung some years ago when he himself said he used to go on weverse so much wanting to feel loved. I'm not saying Jungkook is doing the same thing, because I frankly don't know, nobody knows and nobody will know unless he says so himself; but it has happened before to one of them.

Also could be true the thing about Taehyung being more indulging and not challenging to JK and just letting him be rather than pushing him out of whatever way he could be feeling; IF he's even feeling a certain way at all.

I also think that having too much free time it's really annoying and it becomes exhausting. Life in general has moved so so fast for all of them for several years and now Jungkook is just not moving at the same pace anymore and standing still for too long, even if you need the break, it can certainly be a bit of a let down.

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keggerk · 10 months ago

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Does this app get used by anyone anymore?

If it doesn’t, cool, free place to put my thoughts.

If it does, I hope whoever’s reading is doing well.

It’s been a long time since I felt like writing anything here so here’s a little life update.

My roommate moved out about 6 months ago. I miss having him here sometimes, but I’m so happy for him and his girlfriend. I love that man like my own brother and it’s so amazing to see them doing life together.

My job has been nuts. I’ve finally reached a level in my career where I have sway, I can make a difference in my company, in others lives. I genuinely enjoy the work I’ve been doing and I’m so excited when I hear that the work we do has helped someone improve their business. A client sent me a watch as a thank you. I cried.

I’m finally getting out there and seeing the world. Granted, I’ve been limited to this country, but Portugal is coming up soon. It’s hard to believe 3 years ago I’d never been on a plane. I flew over 30,000 miles last year. Sure it was mostly for work, but it’s exciting nonetheless.

The downside with a lot of work travel: dating has been tough. There’s been a few times I genuinely thought things were going somewhere, but the timing just hasn’t been right. At the end of the day: the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.

Outside of work, I’ve loved being an uncle. My niece is adorable and too smart to believe for a 4 year old. Spoiling her with gifts for Christmas and her birthday has been fun, and that smile when she says “Uncle Joey!” Takes all the stress away. I’m so glad my relationship with my sister has improved over the years. My family in general. I’ve never been closer with Tiffany, and I’m glad we’ve gotten to this point.

Same goes with Suzie, albeit to a much lesser extent. I don’t see her enough, but I think that’s mostly because she lives in the city and she’s engaged. That’s okay though. She’s actually happy and I’m so glad. Her fiance is dope and I actually like this dude a lot.

Dads good. He’s working from home, thank god. His new condo can be a pain at times, but I think he genuinely loves having a place he can truly call his own finally. When grandpa died, I was really worried. When Jeff died, I really didn’t know what was going to happen. Knowing he has a safe, comfortable, accessible place brings such peace of mind. He’s losing weight too, which is phenomenal. His aches and pains were getting to be a problem, and the fact he’s finally addressing it and taking care of himself is massive.

I’ve been reading a ton. I’ve already read 3 books this year, looking to read 30 by the end of 2024. It’s been a nice way to unwind after work. My healths been improved over the past year. I’ve been able to stop seeing the cardiologist every 3 months finally.

I play in a darts league every week on a team with my sister, brother in law, and some family friends. It’s been a nice hobby. Between that and baseball card collecting, I’ve been able to keep my hobbies safe and relatively cost-aware lol.

My friends are all in a bit of a transition period. It’s strange. If someone had told me I’d be in the most stable position of most of my friends a few years ago I wouldn’t have believed it. I’m happy to be here for support for all of them. I’m excited to see what these next chapters will be.

All in all though, I’m happy. I find myself smiling in moments to myself sometimes. It’s a nice change of pace.

“Now I am quietly waiting for the catastrophe of my personality to seem beautiful again, and interesting, and modern… It may be the coldest day of the year, what does he think of that? I mean, what do I? And if I do, perhaps I am myself again.” - Frank O’Hara

#me #personal #journal

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addierose444 · 1 year ago

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Moving Across The Country

Hello from Washington State from my first-ever apartment! I flew across the country last Wednesday and was greeted with this beautiful view of Mount Rainier!

It’s very exciting to finally be here, but it’s also been a bit of a whirlwind of a week adjusting to the new time zone, moving into my apartment, and generally trying to get settled in. My apartment is very near the Microsoft campus, so driving here and seeing familiar bus stops and Microsoft signs were surprisingly exhilarating.

Despite flying out here with five checked bags (including my acoustic guitar), a carry-on suitcase, and a carry–on backpack, I have had to purchase a lot of apartment essentials and still need to find furniture. As someone who hates spending money and isn’t always the best at making decisions, this has been a bit rough. I did order a mattress in a box ahead of time, but it was delivered later than projected so I had to spend the first few nights on a camping mattress. Still waiting on my bed frame and need to find things like a dresser and dining room table, but things are slowly coming together. Once/if I survive furnishing my apartment, I hope to write an advice-style post!

I am also now an official Washington resident! I submitted the requisite form via email on Wednesday and received my card on Saturday. Obviously registering to vote is important in and of itself, but I also prioritized doing so because I’ll be using my voter registration card as proof of residency to get my Washington State driver’s license (before my Vermont one expires in a weekend and a half). I don’t know, I guess registering to vote is sort of a fitting start to this next chapter of my life as I first registered to vote on my first day at Smith. I don’t plan to actually drive here though as I don’t really like driving and don’t want to buy a car. The current plan is to commute to and from work via bike and otherwise make use of free public transportation (which will be free to me as a Microsoft employee). Speaking of bikes, I just picked out a new one from REI as a graduation gift!

Obviously, a lot more to explore in the coming days, weeks, and years, but so far I’ve tried out a great ramen place called Kizuki Ramen & Izakaya and the local ice cream shop Molly Moon’s.

The next few weeks will continue to be very busy for me with more furniture shopping this week and my new job starting in just about a week. Not sure what the next few posts will look like, but I look forward to documenting this transitional period of my life!

#moving #Washington State #redmond wa #first apartment #mount rainier

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sunball · 3 years ago

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WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR PERSON'S LIFE RIGHT NOW + A MESSAGE FROM THEM

𖦹 this reading includes what is going on in your person’s life right now, what they (or their higher self) want to say to you at this moment and songs they'd like to give you. this reading is more about your future spouse or your future partner, someone who you may not be in contact with but you're curious about what they're doing.

𖦹 so there will be two paragraphs for each pile (what your person is doing and what they want to say to you). you can choose more than one pile. ex: pile 1 for what your person is doing and pile 2 for the message.

𖦹 how does this work? close your eyes and take deep breaths, pick the pile you are most drawn to. If you aren’t drawn to any pile then that’s okay, these messages aren’t for you.

𖦹 take what resonates.

THE PILES

PILE 01

now playing:

pile 01's songs

THEIR LIFE

hello pile 01, welcome to your reading. I'm getting a lot of fire energy here, especially leo. I'm hearing Leo in 1st and 10th house, aries in 8th house, aries mars, mars in 10th house and also Venus in 2nd and 3rd house. I'm also getting gemini and capricorn. capricorn mars, aquarius venus. If these aren't your placements then they're most likely your person's placements. or perhaps, those are their transits. I feel a lot of confident energy from your person, I think they are at a good place right now. Your person has been betrayed and heartbroken quite recently but I feel like they're not trying to let that get to them. they're keeping their head high, focusing on their goals and working really hard. the pain motivated them to work hard, maybe as a way to get revenge? In their head, they may think that if they work hard, they can show off their success to the person that broke them like "hey, look at me now!". for some others, it's possible that they're working really hard because the work distracts them from the pain and the situation. they're acting like the pain isn't affecting them, I'm seeing them just laughing and hanging out with a group of people (their friends?) acting like theyre not dealing with any problems. your person is definitely at a period of time where work is only on their mind, they're hungry for success. success is the only thing your person is heading towards, it's the only direction they see. love isn't on your person's mind at all so I doubt that you've crossed their mind. but little do they know, the direction that they're heading towards will also lead them to you. your person may have travelled somewhere recently or maybe they're thinking of travelling somewhere else. there is change on the horizon for your person, maybe they will be promoted soon or moving countries, going to university, etc. they are so ambitious. I'm seeing piles of paper on desks, papers stuck on walls with dates and notes on them and also quotes. motivational quotes perhaps. your person is also working out, they could be getting up quite early. 6 am? I'm getting mad mars in 6th house vibes from your person. they're feeling burnt out, they have so much on their plate but they're not stopping anytime soon because they like it and also because they have no choice. they're also taking many responsibilities, I'm hearing house chores, work and looking after their parents or siblings. your person could be a student, a business person or they could work in an office. they're organizing their workspace and keeping track of their schedule, getting ready for the next chapter of their life. laziness is not in your person's vocabulary!

THEIR MESSAGE

you know, I am so busy right now. I'm too exhausted to even think about love, to think about you. I don't think about it anymore unlike before. I know at times you feel like we're nowhere close and you doubt my existence because of how distant I feel and I'm sorry. It is partially true, we're nowhere close to eachother and we're both individual human beings. let's live in the present and experience things and meet new people without having to think about eachother. I don't feel right about thinking of the future and just hoping for something to happen, hoping to just end up with someone like you. It doesn't feel right. I need to do something, I need to take action. that's exactly what I'm doing now. It gives me a sense of stability knowing that I'm taking action and there's a high possibility of my dreams coming true. I've promised myself that I won't stop working until I've achieved everything. I can't do all of this by myself, I need your help too. I'm asking you a favour, do your part. I'm doing mine. work hard and don't slack off. I'm sorry again for sounding cold, I'm not like this on a daily basis. I'm just really tired. I need to get my point across. don't slack off. please. I'll keep saying that. oh, that reminds me. at times I will definitely sound like a teacher or a boss, it's just a habit I got from work. It's not my intention to make you feel stupid, I know you're smart. I wanted you to know that because I don't want you to think I'm generally a cold person. I'm not. when tarot readers or psychics or astrologers or whoever says that I'm cold, they only mean when I'm at work or when I'm busy or serious. I would never be like that to someone I love, especially you. truthfully speaking, you don't know much about me at all especially if you think I'm a cold person. that thought you have of me stops now. I'm guessing that you're curious about me now. I like to look neat and clean, I don't like bright colours, they look unprofessional. I hang out with my friends sometimes and we just have lunch at a café or a local restaurant. I'm on my computer a lot so my back always hurts but I'm doing exercises to help me with it. I have too many cookbooks that I don't use because I don’t have much time, I end up freestyling my food and cooking up some eggs. I need to get better at managing time. I don't like people that don't practice what they preach, it irritates me. now for my appearance. this, in no way is useful information that will help us in any way but I suppose I'll just tell you. I have a sharp nose, it's pointy and a little wide. I don't have any piercings. I don't have bangs. as for my eyes, they're brown and deep-set. my lips? they're just lips. you'll love them anyway so it doesn't matter. my hair? neat and brown. you'll love it too. that's enough. you can stop trying to get to know me now, leave that for when we meet. you can know me more yourself when the time comes, I like the process of getting to know someone and the effort someone puts into getting to know me. until then, keep working hard.

PILE 02

now playing:

pile 02's songs

THEIR LIFE

I’m getting cancer energy from the pile, also pisces and gemini and libra. I’m hearing cancer/pisces/ libra venus, venus in 5th/7th/12th house, pisces moon, mercury in 7th house, cancer in 2nd house, gemini rising. if these aren’t your placements then they’re most likely your person’s, if not then these may be their transits. right now I feel like your person is trying something new, especially a hobby. I’m getting ‘painting’ for some of you. for others, your person has started something new like a project or they moved to a new house, something like that. there’s this feeling of ‘newness’ in your person’s life right now. they have so much passion for whatever this ‘newness’ is. they’re excited for this change, they can’t wait to move to the next stage. I’m feeling a positive energy coming from your person. their creativity is flowing through their blood, they feel inspired and joyous. some of you may not like to hear this but your person may have gotten in a relationship with someone or they want to get into a relationship with someone. they have a crush. I feel like there’s still an important choice to be made and your person has waited such a long time for the next stage, the relationship stage. I feel like their crush or their partner isn’t showing them that much attention, it feels quite one sided (your person giving more), they’re doing so much for their crush/partner but I feel like your person isn’t seeing it right, they’re just so blinded. like a little kid when they have a crush. If you don’t like what you’re hearing, don’t worry, they’re your person for a reason. anyways for others of you, I’m seeing your person listening to music while they’re doing their new hobby. painting is coming really strong, I’m seeing an easel. If it’s not a hobby then your person is feeling in love, whether it be a person or something else. their head is in the clouds, they’re listening to love songs, feeling so inspired by everything around them. love and venus themes is really important in your person’s life right now. If you’ve been listening to love songs recently or if you just feel all lovey-dovey, it’s most likely because of your person, you’re connected to your person. or if you feel inspired out of nowhere, it’s probably because of your person too. I just felt like I had to let you know that. sooner or later though, your person will realise that the relationship is one sided and they will give up on it. this will hit your person really hard, it will be a hard lesson for them. perhaps even the last lesson because I feel like your person has always done too much for people that don’t deserve their love. your person has experienced a lot and learnt many lessons except for this, when they learn this though, they will have learnt all the lessons. they can tick this off their box. I’m getting such wise Pisces vibes from them. for lots of you, your person is already in the 'realisation' stage and there's about to be a change in their life.

THEIR MESSAGE

It’s been challenging these days, maybe even these past few weeks and maybe even months too. It’s fine though, I can get through it. you don’t have to worry about me. I have a gut feeling that something is going to happen soon, disappointments? I’m not surprised, I’ve been so stuck in my own head. I don’t know why I keep giving people more. so stupid of me. maybe it’s not my fault? maybe it’s their fault for giving less, who knows. I don’t know how to stop. why do I do this? I keep getting disappointed over and over again, I’m starting to not have hope anymore. despite this, I still think love is beautiful. with the right person. love is not only limited to romantic love though, which is what I’ve learnt recently. I’ve been so fixated on romantic relationships that I’ve forgotten about the beautiful things around me. surprisingly, there’s love everywhere. do you know what I love? I love the stars, I love flat white coffee, I love the smell of fresh grass, I love nature and the sun, I love dogs (especially small dogs) and I love experiences. experiences that shape me into a better person, painful or not, I love those. not to sound masochistic – but I love pain. I learn from pain. love has always been painful for me but I’m still giving people my all, wrong people to be precise. Is that why I keep falling for people that don’t care about me? because I love getting hurt? now that I’ve thought of it, it sounds terrible. I need to fix that. I feel embarrassed now that you know this, please don’t shake your head. I will fix it. I want this cycle to end. don’t be worried about me. you should continue living your life, there’s yet so much you can experience. places to go, new people to meet, new activities to do. so much. I’d love to experience so many things with you. do you like road trips? I’d love to go on a picnic date too, does stargazing sound good? we could travel around the world, that’s on my bucket list. so many ideas but there’s still so much distance and time between us. I feel excited thinking about it, I want to do so much right now and experience so many things. by the time we meet, I might already have a long white beard because I’ll be so wise *laughs*. who knows, white hair does look awesome. I think it might suit me actually. on a serious note, I want you to know that you should not be afraid to try new things. don't be afraid of change. regret is scarier than change, staying in the same place and not growing is scarier than change. you may lose something good but what if you gain something even better? I’ll be there for you every step of the way, I’m always there for you even though I’m not there with you physically. do you feel me? I’m so proud of you. If you see an opportunity, take it or you’ll regret it later. don’t be afraid of saying no or saying yes, you deserve to be heard, assert your dominance *laughs*. I love you, take care of yourself. you can do it. [:

PILE 03

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pile 03's songs

THEIR LIFE

I'm getting mutable and fixed energy here, especially scorpio, virgo, leo, sagittarius. maybe scorpio rising and sagittarius rising with pluto in 1st house. I'm hearing saturn in 8th house, saturn in 22°, scorpio sun or moon aspecting saturn, pluto and sun or moon sitting in the same house. if these aren't your placements then they're most likely your person's. these could be their transits too. your person is going through a transformation, something had recently happened in their life that has caused this transformation. I'm thinking it's death, a death of a loved one like a family member, a friend or a pet. someone close to them. If it's not a death of a loved one then it's a death of a cycle, a death of a job, a relationship, something like that. something that came to an end. it's affecting your person badly and they feel so much guilt. they're missing and mourning over whatever this is. they're pessimistic, they feel like the whole world is against them and that their would turned upside down. they have no hope anymore, they're not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm seeing that image of Yuu Otasaka from the anime Charlotte. I think your person is exactly like that right now. depressed. I see tissues, dark rooms and hoodies and blankets. also gaming for a number of you (interesting how the picture you chose is a picture of keys). they're going through it right now and they need support. your person is not communicating with many people or interacting with anyone at all, they're pushing people away. looking at the picture of the pile you chose, I realised it says "wish you were here". now this could mean that they wish that the person they lost were still with them or they wish that someone could come and support them or comfort them, or for a few amount of you, this could be meaning you. they wish you were there with them. however, I don't think love is a thought that comes in their mind in this period of time. it's more like, they're screaming into a void wishing someone could hear them, not directly meaning you. for others of you, I'm getting a different situation. your person may have gotten fired or they tried something but it didn't work out and they had so much hope for it. they badly wanted it to work out and now your person is feeling disappointed in themselves, like someone just ripped away something really valuable to them. your person doesn't know that the reason this, whatever this is, didn't work out is because it wasn't meant to. It's not part of their divine plan. It honestly saved your person from future problems but they don't know that. It's a blessing in disguise. I'm strongly feeling it's something related to their job or maybe love, 'right place, wrong time' is what I'm hearing. your person is blaming themselves for it all, thinking it was because of time, lack of planning or they didn't try hard enough. It isn't true, they should be easy on themselves.

THEIR MESSAGE

I don't know what to say. I don't feel like saying much. why do you want to know anyway? do you care? am I interesting? I'm not all that special, you know. here I go again, making sh*t sad. I'll try and make this light-hearted as possible because you shouldn't see this side of me, not so soon. not like this. *silence* I'll start off by saying that you can't control whatever life throws at you. but you can control your reactions and how you deal with it. I'm not doing very well, not dealing with it the way I usually do. It hit me hard and I don't like being sad like this and not doing anything, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to talk to anyone, not finding joy in the things I love doing. I hate this f*cking feeling and the way I'm dealing with it. I heard that you should let yourself feel everything once in a while. I'm f*cking feeling everything alright. why did I not let myself feel before? now it's all consuming me. all of my problems and emotions, this darkness inside of me, erupting. I regret this. I regret acting like I was fine before, finding distractions. now I know that being distracted doesn't necessarily mean that it's gone, the problem is still there. don't do what I did. let yourself feel. or it will all build up and eat you alive. you don't want that. I don't want that. I don't want you to be sad, god no. definitely not like this. but if being sad will help you then that's certainly fine by me, just don't act like you're fine. that will hurt me much more. just do what I say. showing emotions is not a sign of weakness. look at me, I'm so f*cked up because of not thinking that. this feeling will go away, right? right. If you need to let it all out, do it. I can feel your sadness, the nights you cried, I felt them. those tears of yours, I want to wipe them away but I'm not there. it sucks. I need you here. I need a good f*cking hug right now. I want you to be happy but I don't know how. I'd do anything to see that smile of yours. that precious smile that I have yet to see. I know it's precious. listen to me. I need you. I need you to stay strong. you're so strong and much more emotionally intelligent than I am. I am so in awe. your strength gives me energy, you give me energy. you're the light of my life. I hope our kids will be as beautiful and as amazing as you. I'm glad I was given the chance to talk to you like this. I love you, sunshine.

#pick a card #pick a card reading #pac #tarot reading #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pick a card tarot #astrology observations #pick a pile tarot #sunballtarot #pac reading #pac tarot #free readings

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uzumaki-rebellion · 2 years ago

Text

“Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Volume 4, Chapter 56″

Masterlist HERE. NSFW. Some smut.

youtube

"Whispering in his ear My magic potion for love Telling him I'm sincere And that there's nothing too good for us

But I want to be free, free, free And I just got to be me, yeah, me, me

Teasing hands on his mind Give our night such mystery Happiness all the time Oh and how that night pleases me"

Denise Williams – "Free"

Disa held the abstract Erik wrote for her to study before his return. Joba rested between them on her couch as she read over his plans for the transition team and her place on it. Their daughter had been teary-eyed for half an hour after he explained his plans to leave for Mount Bashenga. Joba switched gears when he promised to see her twice a week on vid chat, even though he couldn't speak to her. She touched her father's forehead and sensed that his trip was a good thing and not something done because the grown-ups were upset again.

Erik sipped wine with Disa, and she noticed his jittery body. He wanted to go to the temple, but he was nervous about leaving everyone behind. She reached over Joba's sleeping form and stroked Erik's locs.

"Hey, this isn't like you're leaving to fight anyone. You're doing this for yourself," she said.

He leaned forward and cradled his face.

"I know," he said.

His voice didn't sound like he believed it.

"You're not carrying the weight of anything on you now. There's nothing to prepare for or take. Wakanda is yours. This sabbatical is just for you. You said so yourself that the past is just a faded pain that you've finally released. Don't worry about anything but yourself for once."

"Being selfish cost me a lot," he said, gazing into her eyes.

Disa sipped her drink and looked away from him.

"This is the good kind of selfish. Self-care. Spiritual healing," she said.

"Marisol will come join me in my last week. The priests say that this sabbatical will align all of my roots."

"Marisol is good for you. She knows your connection to Ogum and can balance you out. Have you spoken to Yani about her part in this?" Disa said, holding out the abstract.

Erik sat back.

"She's doing her thing. Working. Seeing someone."

"Pictures on social media don't always mean the truth."

"Remy's been itching for her. First time I met him he had his nose wide open."

"He was a nice guy when he worked for us."

"They're always nice guys when they want something."

Disa put the abstract on her coffee table and lifted Joba.

"I'll put her to bed," Erik said.

He lifted his daughter and carried her to her bedroom on the other side of the suite. Disa glanced around. Her home was too large for two people. She was happy that Marisol lived with them to share all the space they had. No matter how much shuffling around of furniture Disa did, it was difficult to make her home cozy the way it had been when she had a half suite.

"The little rocket has landed safely under the covers," Erik said after returning.

He sat down next to her again and finished his wine. She checked her kimoyo. It was late.

"I have to be up early in the office. Phase Two plans are back on track, so I'll be having meetings with the general contractor and security team tomorrow," she said.

Disa stood and brushed back her hair.

"You need some rest too," she added.

"Sit down."

Erik's voice was gentle, but commanding just the same. She dropped back to her spot, and he turned his body toward her.

"The mourning period, the repast… these past few days adjusting to having my parents back on the same soil as me… it gave me plenty of time to look at myself and all the things I've pushed up against. By the time I was eleven, my entire life has been only one trajectory. Revenge. I remember sitting in the back of a police car after I found my father's body, waiting for Grandpop to get me. Rage took over everything. Getting revenge was the only thing on my mind. Justice was in there too, but the core of my growing up has always been rooted in my own needs to avenge my Mom and Baba."

"This is a conversation we can have when you get back. Your mind needs to stay clear—"

"My mind is clearer than it's ever been. Not only is it clear, but it's busted wide open. You know I have loved you before I even knew you, Disa. Even when you pushed me aside like I was a joke, I sweated you like my Baba did my mother when he knew what he wanted out of life. I did you wrong by letting you take the brunt of my mess with Yani. You stepped aside and pretended you were okay with not having me, and I know that was a lie. I knew it when you said it, and I hear it in your voice when you talk to me. It's in your eyes right now. You ain't got to be the bigger person because you think that's what I need."

"I believe that our time came and went and that happens—"

"Not with us. We been through too much shit to pretend our past relationship was like any other. I can't imagine you being with anyone else but me, and I know in my spirit that you feel the same way, too. I wish you would be honest with everyone around you. You left me the first time to protect your soul, and it worked while I was gone. But I'm back, and you want to claim me again. Being mindful of Yani's feelings is not your responsibility. I know you sincerely like her, but deep down… I wish you would kick up a fuss for what you want."

Disa shook her head as Erik lifted her chin.

"You want what you want too, and I see it in you. When our family was all here together… I could feel you, Disa. You put on a brave front for everyone around you, acting like you're cool with how we are now. It's a lie," Erik said.

Disa burst into tears and covered her hand over her mouth so Joba wouldn't hear. Erik stared at his hands.

"I've been having a recurring dream for the last three nights in a row. I'm a little kid again back in Oakland. My Nana Jean is in her kitchen cooking. The first night I was by her side helping her fry shrimp in her big kettle pot. We don't talk much… I dipped shrimp in her homemade batter and she fried it up, humming and telling me she was proud of me. The next night I was there again, and she was making her famous chicken enchiladas. She rolls up the meat and cheese and shows me how to make the sauce that goes over it. Last night we were cooking together again, but this time, we were in your kitchen back in Cambridge. I wasn't a little kid anymore. Nana made some red rice and fried some okra with onions, and she knew where everything was that she needed in your kitchen. She moved around like she'd always been there, cooking with me. Telling me she was proud of me and missed me. All the time she's talking and I can hear your feet coming up the stairs, I can hear your suitcase dragging on the floor, and then… you're calling my name asking what we're having for dinner…"

Erik twisted his fingers together, and a few tears fell to the floor. One fell on his arm and rolled down to his wrist.

"I woke up and I could smell the last traces of Nana's food and your perfume… I heard your voice, Disa. You sounded so happy. I was happy being back there again. I woke up just as you reached the kitchen. You never made it inside before I woke up and I cried about that. Sat there in my big ass bed with my Nana's humming fading in my ear… crying and lying to myself, too."

He stood and paced the floor, his agitated arms swinging at his sides as he clenched his fists, wrestling with his emotions.

"I am a man who loves two women equally, yet differently. There are things in Yani that I need that only she can give me, just like there are things I need from you that only you can provide. I've been an excellent father, provider, and protector. I cheer on both of your dreams, and I am proud of every accomplishment you have both made in your careers. I love you both for who you are naturally. Yani left me because I refused to choose, and you let me go because you didn't want me to do something that would break my heart. You wanted to suffer so I wouldn't have to. That's not fair to you, Disa. You've been hiding and I let that shit slide because I was too chickenshit to stand on my own and stay standing on what I want the most. Two women. You bring out the best in me, Disa, and so does she. Many people don't believe you can love two different people and build a relationship that works. I do. My greatest grandmother did it, and she ran the nation, too."

Erik sat back down deeper on the couch.

"It would kill me not to have Yani, and it would kill me not to have you. I'm just going to own up to my truth that I want the world and two of the biggest baddies in it. I want it all, Disa. Yani's got some growing up to do that has nothing to do with me, and I have to let her be during this time so she can become the woman she needs to be, even if it means leaving me forever. She's an amazing mother, midwife, and soon-to-be obstetrician. Her mind and vision for women's health are unmatched. And you…"

Erik slid his hand across the couch and clasped Disa's hand.

"You Disa… the perfect mother for Joba. Your mind and vision for sustainable housing and living with climate changes and the politics of all that… who can match you with that bar for bar? They say that Samson's strength was in his hair, but my strength? These two pillars I fell in love with and never stopped loving, no matter where I was. That is a blessing to me and not a burden to overcome. Don't cry, Disa…"

He pulled her into the crook of his arm.

"I have done everything I can to get to this place in life. I love what I love and I can't change it. I've said it before, but now… after having my parents back…"

Disa kissed him to hush him up. He kissed her, then pulled her shoulder back to look at her.

"I will not be the same when I return. I'm not even the same man now. Understand that. The moment I sit back on that throne, the earth will split in two. You are a part of that, so I need you to stop making yourself small around here to keep the peace. It's not your style, and I don't like it."

Disa grinned so hard her gums showed and he kissed away her tears. She exhaled and gave herself permission to enjoy him pressed against her chest. He rocked her in his arms.

"When I come back, I want the three of us to sit down together and talk. Air all of our feelings out and see what we can be or not be for good this time."

"Yani won't be happy—"

"Stop doing that. You've been putting her feelings first out of habit. This is not just about her, it's about all of us. Our children too. Your feelings are valid and important, and I only want you thinking about what you would need from me to make anything work on your end."

"She'll leave you for good."

"She's already gone. All I can do is remain open to her. This is different for all of us… well, two of us," he snickered with his last few words.

Disa pinched his arm.

"You and my mother move the same way," he said.

"How is that?"

"Oh yeah, my Uncle Bakari 'fessed up to some things my mother was doing back in her day."

Disa put a hand to her mouth.

"My mother was ahead of her time," he joked.

His laughing eyes became serious.

"We all have to talk this out in order to give our children their best life by being honest with one another," he said. "I've been walking around afraid of losing both of you and it's time to face off, even if it means not having anyone. All three of us have the right to have a vision of how we see love showing up for us. I know right now we're on separate paths tryna make things work by ourselves, but we've never talked with one another openly outside of scheduling my time with the kids. Putting it all on the table may make it less scary. I thought I could deny my feelings and just make myself into what Yani wanted because I love her so much. Approaching her like that would put a strain on her, which isn't fair if I'm not honest. It took my Nana coming to me in my sleep to remind me to be true to my heart. Yani may never understand or accept it, and other people may think I'm wrong for feeling the way I do. I'd rather live alone than live a lie."

He tapped her nose with a loving touch.

"No half-steppin' from you, Ma," he said.

"I'm afraid for you."

"Afraid of what?"

"That you won't get the happiness you want. Even though you have moved mountains, I've always known that you yearn to be happy. Free from the hand you were dealt."

Erik leaned forward and tapped his finger on the folder holding his abstract.

"No matter what happens, I have three beautiful children. I'm happy with that now and it can sustain me in the future if need be. I wanted to get that off my chest. At least I was able to do that with you before going away," he said, glancing at his kimoyo.

Erik typed a text that she was sure went to Yani. From what she heard from Marisol, Yani spent her time keeping busy and was hard to catch up with. If she was spending time with Remy, it gave her a nice outlet from all the stress of the mourning period and finishing her residency. Hell, Disa would've dabbled in a little Remy time herself if he were older and had pursued her.

Erik checked his kimoyo again.

"Trying to reach her?" Disa asked.

"Yeah. I wanted to talk to her about all of this first, but she hasn't responded to any of my texts. She had a long shift yesterday. I didn't want to say all of this on her voice mail, plus I have some other things to tell her before I go, but looks like that won't happen. Grandpop brought Sydette and Riki to me earlier so I could be with them."

"Don't feel bad. She hasn't hung with Twyla or Marisol, so that residency must be kicking her butt," Disa said.

"I'm gonna head out. I'll check in with you before I bounce," Erik said.

He stood up and pulled Disa to her feet. Her thoughts were a mix of anticipation and relief. She didn't have to wear the mask she had affixed to her face for months. Erik saw right through her ruse of pretending to be over him and ready to start a new chapter. She had protected her heart, but she longed to have him back. It would be a different type of union because she was a different woman with other priorities in her life. Raising Joba into a healthy functional adult was number one in her book. Her career came next. Erik gave her an opportunity to influence eco-housing on a global scale, and that was a generational responsibility. A relationship was a cherry on her sundae. Sharing him with Yani did not change the depth or quality of his love for her, nor her love for him. Her needs simply shifted the order of importance. Raising a child was the equivalent of raising a nation. Raising an heir was an added responsibility. Looking at him through that lens, Disa thought little would change from how they were working together to raise Joba, communicating about his transition team goals, and their usual friendly banter about regular everyday shit. What would change was the intimacy between them and how they would talk about that with Yani.

Disa expected Yani to flip out again, but at least this time, they would all have to talk it out and understand one another fully as adults seeking a resolution. Erik would not back down from several deep conversations. He wouldn't rush them into any decisions either, she was sure of that. Too much was on his plate already ascending the throne. She knew he would lay his heart out and accept each of their final decisions before moving on.

He freed Disa.

She folded her hands on the back of his neck and held him the way she always wanted to hold him again. Disa was a part of his life and always would be. No matter what configuration they became in the future, he wouldn't allow her to throw in the towel on them. His love was wider, deeper, and long-lasting enough for all of them. She believed he could love more than one equally. It wasn't about having more than one woman just to have extra pussy to play in. He found something in two people that nourished him. Disa had that experience before and knew it was real. All that mattered was that he wanted her to be authentic in her feelings for him. Stop hiding. Demand his time for her, too.

Free.

She licked the seam of his lips and kissed him the way she did when she first realized that she had fallen for him. Erik sat back and let her control what she wanted. He parted his lips just enough to let her tongue explore him again. She started crying, and her body shook with suppressed longing. He stroked her lower back and rested his forehead on hers.

"Don't be afraid to love me," he whispered.

His words shattered her fear, and she hugged on him for life before leading him back to her bedroom. He took hesitant steps into the large room with the round bed covered in a thick red satin blanket. Erik looked around the room as she pulled off her top and unfastened her loose slacks. His gaze was drunk with arousal, and he allowed her to unbutton the clasps on his green tunic. He slipped off his linen trousers, and she stared at his penis. She remembered every inch and pressed her face against it to smell his scent. She licked his balls, and his body stiffened. His dick twitched and plumped. He plucked at her nipples through her bra, then pulled down the thick straps. He groaned when he saw her breasts for the first time in years. His hands cascaded along the fullness until he palmed the soft flesh with eager squeezes. Erik pushed her back onto the bed, shoving her legs wide so he could stare at her pussy. Lifting onto her elbows, Disa watched him lick and kiss a wet trail up her folds until he sucked on her clit, bringing it to its full plumpness with his lips. He sniffed the sparse thatch of dark pubic hairs on her mound, then dragged his lips into a deep kiss with urgent sucking on engorged nerves. Keyed up for weeks from being around him constantly as he mourned his parents, her release into his mouth came quickly before she was ready.

"Dammit!" she huffed into the blanket.

Erik laughed so hard that it made her giggle against the cool satin cover.

"Finally. Some payback after all these years," he teased.

She popped him on his forehead and shimmied toward the curved headboard covered with plush pillows. He crawled next to her and forced his tongue inside her mouth, making her taste the premature orgasm she wet his lips with. His slow thrusts into her mouth had her ready to cum all over his lips again. Her pussy throbbed with aftershocks of the sudden thrill. She held his arm while twisting her neck to match his kisses until Joba walked in on them. Erik lunged for the edge of the blanket and threw it over their lower nudity. Disa lifted herself slightly.

"Hey, what's going on, Sunshine?" Disa asked.

"I'm thirsty," Joba said.

Their daughter stood at the end of the bed, watching them. She rubbed her eyes and peered at Erik.

"I can get you some juice. Go on to the kitchen. I'm right behind you," Erik said.

Joba slowly walked out of the bedroom and Erik buried his face in Disa's shoulder, hiding a laugh. He crept off the bed and threw his clothes back on. Disa sat up, and Erik's gaze took in her breasts.

"I'll hook her up and jet," he said.

"Alright," Disa said.

"If I can get some stuff done in time, I'll try to see Joba early in the morning before school."

He slipped away quietly, and she rested against her pillows. Listening to Erik chat with Joba as he tended to her, Disa closed her eyes. Her sight became blurry trying to hold on to the heat of his body as it etched itself back onto her skin. Pressing her face into the pillow, Disa buried her dishonesty with herself for good. She would stake her claim, no matter how things turned out when he returned from Mount Bashenga.

The next morning, Erik called like he said he would, and she was glad to speak to him. He looked ready for the world. She tapped her desk comm tab and told her receptionist to bring in the contractor and security team. Disa rolled up the literal puffy sleeves on her dress and sauntered over to the completed model of the Phase Two project she helmed. Two men and two women stepped inside her inner office and she turned on the digital blueprints above the model.

"Time to get to work," she told her building team.

Glancing out of the office window, she spotted the Royal Scorpion Fighter streaking over Birnin Zana.

"Allah hamdullah," she muttered under her breath.

The king was on his way.

Yani gazed at everyone in the throne room as Elder Efetobo stepped forward with T'Challa to hand her the official proclamation designating her as a Princess descended from Queen Mary Thomas. The heavy paper with the royal coat of arms and signatures of the royal court felt heavy in her hands. Sydette's name was on the proclamation, too. Her mouth fell open when she saw Twyla's name written in heavy script. Erik made her cousin Caribbean royalty with them.

"I don't understand," Yani said.

T'Challa grinned.

"N'Jadaka presented the court with a petition to change your status based on your lineage, which is in alignment with our ancient laws. No other country would recognize you as royalty with their standards and history, but we in Wakanda deem you as such from now on. Your connection to our royal house already affords you a title, but he wanted you to have something on your family's merit."

She glanced around the room again.

"Where is he?" Yani asked.

"He left for Mount Bashenga," T'Challa said.

She pressed her lips together, then lowered her head to him.

"Thank you," she said.

Yani didn't wait for them to explain anything further and rushed out of the throne room past Mpilo. She tapped her kimoyo, turning it off mute, and a barrage of color-coded pings popped up. There were over seven messages from Erik. Her need for peace and quiet after conducting her first surgical procedure had overshadowed her opportunity to hear from him directly that he had sought more for her.

She took the private elevator to the Talon Port and glimpsed the Scorpion Fighter flying above the palace. Erik's kimoyo was turned off.

"You always do this," she yelled up to the sky, waving her hand at his aircraft knowing she was only a speck on the earth from that distance.

She smiled and held the proclamation and his letter to her chest. No matter what was happening in his life, Erik always looked after her. Her kimoyo lit up, and she jumped at the chance to speak to Erik.

The image that floated above her wrist wasn't Erik's.

"Lady Galiber, I am so sorry to disturb your work today."

Riki's teacher stared at her with big owl eyes of concern.

"What's going on?"

"We are having a hard time with Prince Riki right now. We are doing our morning exercises and the Royal Scorpion Fighter just flew overhead, and we all saw it and the prince became upset. Could you please speak with him?"

"I will connect with his kimoyo now," Yani said.

She switched floating screens and Riki's wet, blotchy, red-brown face softened her heart.

"What's goin' on Dumplin?"

"I saw Baba fly away and I wahn him back!"

"But we told you he had to go up to the mountain and you said you were okay about it."

"Mi change my mind!"

"He'll be back soon. Did you wave at the Scorpion Fighter?"

Riki's lips trembled, and he nodded his head.

"I try to call Baba, but him won't answer," Riki whined.

"He can't use his kimoyo while he goes up there. He'll call you in three days. You said you were going to be a big boy for him."

"I am."

"It's okay to be sad about him being gone. He loves you and wants you to enjoy school and have fun while he's away. Can you do that for us?"

Riki nodded and wiped his eyes. His chest stopped heaving and his breath became even again.

"Look what Baba gave mi, love. He make Mama a princess!" Yani said, holding up the proclamation for Riki to admire to get his mind off of sad things.

"When you come home, I'll have Jabuli make you some fat cakes and we can write Baba a letter and color a picture that we can send him," she said.

"Okay."

"Feel better."

"I miss him already."

"I know. Seeing the Scorpion Fighter fly so far away made you upset. Go finish doing your exercises and I'll see you later, Dumplin. Love you."

"I love you back, Mama."

Yani gave him a big kiss over her kimoyo and kept her beads on. Sydette had been quiet going to school, and she wondered if her daughter or Joba were having a hard time, too. She wandered through the East Palace and appreciated the luxury and opulence that she had left behind. The villa was beautiful, but the heartbeat of the palace had a palpable excitement to it she missed. As she strolled past a few palace staff members, they bowed to her. Normally they gave a slight head nod to her as a Lady of the court. Word must've been spread around already that she was in a different league from now on. She made eye contact with the staff and dawdled along in her fancy clothes. Her long skirt had a short train to it that dragged along the floor with shells on the end of it that made a pleasant scraping sound.

Yani paused under the painting of Erik. Gazing up at his immense image, she studied how different he looked in the painting compared to the last time she saw him in person when she recited the legend of Queen Mary for everyone. No, not different. More like evolving into something bigger than the portrait. He carried the magnificence of the painting within him, and Yani began to see how his life was going to shift dramatically. T'Challa already appeared to defer to his cousin in preparation for the transfer of power.

Even Erik's eyes looked more alive that night. He regarded every member of his family as if he were cataloging every minutia of detail about them. His attentiveness toward her didn't hide from Yani his equally attentive interactions with Disa. There were times Erik approached Disa with a bit of conversation and she would speak with him and their laughter echoed with their American kin. Yani wanted to join in and see what was so humorous that had everyone around them cackling. Disa was always funny, and Yani missed the inside jokes they had about everyone in the palace, even their own kids. A few times Disa caught Yani staring at her when Erik was near her and she would give a friendly head nod and ask if Yani needed help with anything before moving away from him and finding someone else to talk to.

Yani sighed as she marveled at Erik's portrait.

He would never stop loving Disa.

The recognition of that rested in the pit of her stomach, and she didn't judge any of the emotions or feelings that stirred up there. She stood in the heart of it and let the sensations that came along wash over her. There was no anger toward Disa anymore. There was no hate. Not even jealousy anymore. Only a simmering sadness that made Yani step outside of herself for once.

Erik and Disa had a full life at another time. They would always remain close friends no matter how much that worried Yani.

But what was there to worry about?

Yani had left Erik on her own. He was free to see whomever he wanted. If he wanted to go back to Disa, he could. If he wanted another woman to start a fresh new life with, he would have no problem finding a beautiful, willing partner. A native Wakandan would probably be his best bet to appease the country.

Her stomach tightened.

She didn't have the intestinal fortitude to even consider some other woman coming into the mix. She'd rather have him go back to Disa. The one thing she shared with her was a phenomenal history, and Yani respected the hell out of her accomplishments. From day one, Disa embraced Yani as a fellow traveler in the crazy world of Erik Killmonger. She stood up for her when Ramonda showed her ass those first few traumatic months. Disa asked for equal treatment and care for all of them in Wakanda. Not once did she seek anything that she didn't want for Yani too.

A rush of air expelled with an intense huff from Yani's mouth. Disa had been her one and only staunch friend in Wakanda outside of Twyla. She shared her fears and her sadness at Erik's death, and she loved the hell out of Sydette and Riki. Yani walked away from Erik's painting feeling remorseful for how judgmental and mean she had been toward Disa right before she vacated the palace. She had listened to Disa's hurt over her loss of love so long ago, but Yani had never really sat with that pain compared to her own until recently.

She stopped in front of the royal portrait of the two of them with their children. They had looked so united back then. Ready to face the challenges ahead together as mothers, keeping a strong pact that their children came first in everything and would be raised together with love and laughter. God, they had laughed so much together. Always sitting up in their nightgowns late at night and telling raunchy stories about all the men in their lives while eating sweets and painting their nails, hoping the children didn't wake up and interrupt big girl time. Yani knew Disa hid some things back when it came to Erik. She'd recently learned from Marisol in a drunken slumber party at her villa that Disa lost a child. Had been stabbed because of Erik. Suffered an illness dealing with him being gone so much that it tore up her health and broke her soul open.

Yani stared at Disa's twinkling eyes in the painting. Behind that cultivated façade of having it all together, Erik's love had been traumatizing for her, too. Underneath Disa's beautiful gown, there was a scar left on her belly somewhere that she would carry for the rest of her life, just like the scar on Yani's head.

Disa had been the older sister Yani always wanted. Being the oldest girl in her family, Yani never had the love and support from her parents that allowed her to make mistakes without judgment. From the time she was seven and could hold babies without dropping them, they thrust Yani into being the oldest sibling caretaker, babysitter, cook, and house cleaner for her immediate family. Thrown out of her home young while pregnant and having to grow up fast under her Aunt Leona's roof, she never had a woman who was an older peer that could just listen to her without judgment. Twyla and Aunt Leona came close, but sometimes they let their familial conservative opinions override Yani's need for compassion as she struggled with becoming an exemplary mother and a young woman while missing out on a real childhood. All she knew how to be was a worker for others at such a young age. Disa spoke to her with kindness and wisdom beyond her years, which gave Yani confidence and encouragement, especially with school and furthering her education past medical school. Disa had complained of growing up with nothing but boys and wished she had a sister, or at least a bounty of female cousins. She took it upon herself to latch onto Yani with the affection of having that type of connection despite the messed-up predicament they were in, giving Yani space to grieve, be angry, and vacillate between the two emotions at any time because of her discomfort at processing the discovery of another woman in Erik's life soon after St. Thomas. No matter how Yani showed up to Disa with her wounded pride and broken heart, that woman stood with her through it all.

"You were my friend… are my friend," Yani said to the painting. "Even when mi hated you, you never say one unkind thing 'bout mi."

Lashing out at Disa had felt cathartic for a few days after their confrontation at the palace pool. Yani took pleasure in putting her foot down. However, back at the villa, Disa's angry, truthful accusation filtered through to Yani's scorn. Later, as the mourning period stretched into a crash-course history lesson of where Erik Stevens truly came from, the brunt of her misplaced anger toward Disa came into stark relief.

Erik Stevens made choices. Then Killmonger made choices. And then the slumbering Prince N'Jadaka woke up and made a choice that put them all in disarray. The man honestly didn't think he was ever coming back. He broke off their connection to safeguard Yani's future from harm. He gave her what she needed to have a life for herself and Sydette while also freeing her to live the way she wanted without falling back on some new wasteman because of poverty and the lack of choices most women had to survive in the world without resources and support. The man loved her, but he knew the reality in store for him and gambled on the side of practical considerations. She fought the idea of him leaving her for her best interests for so long that it had become an albatross around her neck. Yani had been caught up in the euphoric perfection of love that she thought it was enough to hold them together. Killmonger knew better because he had first-hand experience of life and love being torn asunder fast by external forces. Disa experienced the same thing and opted out on her own because the writing was on the wall.

He was going to die.

Yani slammed her hand over her mouth and held back the crumbling sounds of her mournful understanding. Killmonger had been hers because of the diaphanous webbing of simple fate. If Disa's first pregnancy had gone to term, there would've been a child in the world back in the foreign where he may have skipped coming to St. Thomas altogether. Disa simply standing in her truth and choosing her mental, physical, and spiritual health over constant uncertainty allowed Yani to have the life she led now. One woman turning her back on a man she deeply loved transformed Yani's future. That same woman extended friendship and sisterly love all because she had been where Yani stood and wanted to help her move beyond it, too.

"Princess Yani, do you need some help?"

Mpilo approached her, and Yani swiped at her eyelids and looked at him.

"I'm fine, Mpilo. Thank you for asking."

"Congratulations on your new title. It is fitting and I like how it sounds," he said.

He regarded her face with concern. Yani shifted her stance and glanced at the painting of her and Disa one more time before engaging Mpilo again.

"Will you be leaving the office soon?" she asked.

"Oh, no! Prince N'Jadaka has changed my job title too! He extended my stay in the palace."

"I would like to visit his office. Would you mind escorting me there?"

He jumped at the chance.

"This way Princess Yani!"

Yani had dismissed the palace guards from trailing her. The palace was secure, and she liked the freedom of walking with Mpilo. They reached the bridge to the West Palace, and she took a moment to admire the view and gazed at Mount Bashenga. Mpilo stared at the mountain with her and shuddered.

"What?" Yani asked.

"Oh, I was just thinking that Prince N'Jadaka is a brave man. The Temple of Bast is a formidable place. Most Wakandans will never step foot there."

"Why not?"

"They go by ancient ways up there. There are rites of passage that take place where some people never return because it is too much."

"You mean people have died up there?"

"Oh yes. Some have gone insane or just come back… different. I am sorry, I did not mean to scare you. Death rarely happens anymore because no regular citizen dares step foot on holy ground. Prince N'Jadaka is a powerful man, so I know he will be fine. It is not a place for weak minds, and he has never shown weakness in anything. Sometimes I look at that mountain and I get nervous, but I like that it watches over us. The old Gods live there," he said.

Yani departed the bridge with Erik on her mind. The West Palace was a flurry of activity. There seemed to be more people moving about than she remembered before she left the city. Staff moved aside as she sauntered through, and the bows and downcast eyes followed her all the way to Erik's floor.

Whoa.

The entire area was under transformation. Construction workers and building inspectors flitted about, and Yani had to follow Mpilo through a narrow, protective walkway to reach Erik's office.

"The prince's floor is expanding with his office space for when he takes the throne. Bigger staff too… we're moving things around with all the additions," Mpilo said.

He tapped in a code for Erik's original space and they walked in on several workers moving in protected boxed files and stacking them in Tlotlsiso's reception area. Tlotliso scurried around with a thin, clear comm tab and checked every file box brought in. Yani's arrival stopped the workflow, and everyone bowed to her before continuing their tasks.

"Be careful," Tlotliso said as they maneuvered around stacks that were over six feet tall.

Mpilo guided Yani into Erik's inner office. She walked around it, admiring its extravagance.

"If you will excuse me, Princess Yani. I need to help out there," Mpilo said.

"How was he before he left?" Yani asked.

Mpilo paused at the door.

"Determined," he said with a smile.

He left her alone, and Yani stared at the painting of Queen Shuriya. Yani tried to pose like her, lifting her head with a haughty air, throwing her shoulders back, one hand on her hip, and stepping forward with her left leg.

She padded over to a large stack of sealed metal boxes arranged on a floating pallet. Piles of sealed folders and political reports sat on his neat desk. Yani sat down in his office chair and took in the room. Erik's scent permeated the air. He wore a cologne that his father used to have created in Wakanda, and the aroma of masculine strength aroused her senses. She noticed a newly framed photo of his parents near his embedded desk comm tab. It was the original photo of N'Jobu and Califia used for their sarcophagus. There was so much work on his desk and more coming for him. She tapped her kimoyo and swiped past files, searching for the digital copy of the abstract she had at her villa.

For years, Yani thought Erik was a simple soldier turned mercenary. The military life was for poor people, and her impression of Killmonger back then was a smart man who forged a path to seek his fortunes in the underworld of crime through his past military connections. He was the bad man on the hill working for the ultimate bad guy, Klaue.

The truth, given to her by T'Challa and Disa, made her head spin. Naval Academy. M.I.T. Tony Stark. Black Ops. Killmonger was a genius who used the navy to track Klaue and use his dead body to gain access to a futuristic kingdom. Yani opened up her copy of the abstract and read his words again. The eloquent writing didn't match the brutality she had witnessed back home. The command of language, the nuance inserted throughout his ideas for childbirth and health… he had actively listened to Yani's thoughts and concerns when she was beginning her journey into medicine. So much of the text fleshed out her novice concepts into actionable items that could happen in the Caribbean and throughout the diaspora. His experience of almost losing Sweet Pea with her was embedded in the report, and Yani shivered at the memory. Erik wanted her in charge of rolling out a plan to stop Black maternal death. He trusted her mind and experience and listed the resources he was willing to give to make sure she was well-funded and supported. She already had plans to contact her former mentor, a Black woman doctor back in St. Thomas.

The hidden layers of him astounded Yani. He had been an iceberg floating in her island world, never allowing her to see below the surface the immense wealth, intelligence, and power he held in his hand. She knew the inner parts of him he showed her willingly. The soft core that relished quiet times, cooking, making love, playing with babies, luxuriating in the presence of elders, praying, and spoiling her. The outer core had been prickly forbidden fruit. Only Disa had tasted that part of him, and Yani felt lucky to bypass so much of the past trauma Killmonger carried.

St. Thomas protected her from the harsh fullness of him and cocooned them in a fog of dreamy wish fulfillment. Their love had been real. There were no false notes to it. There were red flags about where he came from and what he intended to do with Klaue's crew, but that was a given considering they were all bad guys. Killmonger had slipped up and part of his mask fell away, revealing the sweet humanity that was underneath that coarse exterior. That was what she fell in love with. That was the real him. Not knowing he was some Black Einstein with a graduate degree and phenomenal family background didn't change her perspective. Their love wasn't just a steamy fantasy. He hadn't just felt sorry for her and tossed her riches after he left. Killmonger cared about her as his woman. Stood up for her. Slammed anyone who came at her sideways. They stepped into their love, knowing it was doomed.

Now he was back.

Glancing around the lavish office, she conceded that the prince was destined for more than domestic drama. Yani, Disa, their children, and the rest of the royal family were minor planets in the cosmos that was Erik Killmonger Stevens. Compared to the grandiose plans lying before her, feeling sorry for herself and Disa's situation was nothing in the scheme of future history that was about to be shaken to the bone.

Yani glanced at Queen Shuriya's portrait again.

Erik had her eyes. Her stance. Her vision to reshape the world to do her bidding. Yani never felt prouder to have her son than at that moment. Riki was linked to two families filled with powerful people. They embraced her daughter as their own and elevated Sydette to her brother's level as a royal.

Erik would transform the world, and Yani had a front-row seat to guide his hand in it because he wanted her there beside him.

"Princess Yani."

Tlotliso came into the office with a humble bow and a fancy tea set on a clear tray.

"I brought you some tea and flat biscuits," Tlotliso said.

"Thank you," Yani said.

Tlotliso brought the tray and sat it on the only open space on the desk. She poured a red tea, Erik's favorite, and set it next to the breakfast treats.

"Will you be staying here long? I can order up a mid-morning snack for you."

Yani lifted the teacup and blew lightly over the liquid. She peered at the woman with cautious energy.

"No, I just wanted to check on some things."

"Would you like a tour of what is going on?"

Tlotliso's pleasant attitude made Yani suspicious if the niceties were only because she was higher royalty and not just a noblewoman anymore.

"I would like that," Yani said.

She took another sip of the tea and left the desk, following Tlotliso out of the inner office. Mpilo worked with the other staff, bringing in more boxes. Yani waved at him and he grinned happily. Tlotliso took her to a floating wall that held images of what Erik's floor would look like before he returned.

"Gorgeous," Yani said.

Tlotliso swiped an image and overlayed it on the mess of construction and business going around all the expansion. Yani admired what it would all look like eventually.

"Wow, this place is going to look so good. Will they finish it on time?" Yani said.

"We have until the actual coronation. Our goal is to have it done before Prince Erik flies to Warrior Falls," Tlotliso said.

"Warrior Falls? Why would he go there? He is being given power as part of the peace agreement."

"He still must face challenges to the throne from the other tribes."

"He has to fight again for what is rightfully his?"

"It is our way. We give every tribe the opportunity to gain a pathway to the throne. Prince N'Jadaka is not exempt."

Yani glared at the woman.

"Shall we continue, Your Highness?" Tlotliso said.

Yani nodded and took in the floor, checking out the designs and new wall and ceiling inscriptions and carvings on columns. Workers brought in new covered furniture, floor rugs, and artwork. She checked her kimoyo after half an hour.

"I must go now," Yani said.

She walked with slow, deliberate steps toward the private elevator, trying her best not to let Tlotliso sense the urge to run. She swiped her hand over the elevator and waited to leave. The public elevator dinged, and she turned her head to see what other new luxury item was being given for Erik's posh new office. A palace guard and Remy stepped out of the elevator. Remy held a box of files and there was a shocked expression on his face. The two men lowered their heads to Yani.

"What are you doing here?" Yani asked.

"I work for the Governing Board," Remy said.

"Finally, you made it," Tlotliso said.

Erik's personal assistant stopped short when she noticed Yani was still on the floor staring at Remy from across the room. The familiar energy bothered Yani.

"You know each other?" Yani asked.

Tlotliso took the files from Remy and glanced at Yani.

"Mnumzana Ramatla Ntu finally brought us papers that Prince N'Jadaka requested before he left this morning," Tlotliso said.

"Is something wrong?" Remy asked.

Yani shook her head and gave a slight grin.

"No. I guess I'm surprised to see you here, of all places."

Tlotliso watched both of them and Yani quickly took on the stance of a royal and tuned down the informal tone of her words and used her best formal Wakandan.

"I leave you to your work," Yani said.

Remy held up his hands in the triangular shape of respect for her status. Tlotliso did the same and Yani did a high step, throwing her shoulders back like Queen Shuriya, and entered the private elevator. Remy left with the guard back into the public elevator. She went down several floors and crossed over an expansive hall to another section of the West Palace amid stares at her rushed movement.

"Princess Yani."

Disa's morning receptionist stood and paid his respects.

"I need to speak to Lady Abdullah," Yani said.

"She is in an important planning meeting—"

"This is more important. Let her know I am here waiting for her."

The receptionist nodded and tapped his desk and an earbud.

"Apologies for disturbing you, Lady Abdullah. Princess Yani is here to see you."

Moments later, Disa strolled out with a big smile on her face. She held out her hands like she was highlighting Yani.

"Look at you, Princess Yani, congratulations," Disa said.

"Can we talk somewhere private?"

Disa glanced over at her receptionist.

"Can you please tell the team that I'm taking a quick break for a family matter?" Disa said.

"Thank you," Yani said.

"Let's go in here," Disa said, leading Yani into a side room with different building models on display in glass cases.

"What's up?" Disa asked.

"Did you know Erik has to go to Warrior Falls again and face anyone who wants to fight him for the throne?"

"I didn't."

"I was talking to Tlotliso about Erik's office expansion and she gave me a tour. She told me he has to do it even if the throne was handed to him. I know the other tribes are going to fight to take the throne from him."

"With all the turmoil going on, you're probably right," Disa said.

"I don't want him to fight again. He has too much to accomplish if he loses to someone stronger. They might kill him for good this time and Shuri won't be able to save him again—"

Yani sucked in her breath to calm herself down.

"Let's do this. Can you stay for dinner tonight with the royal family?" Disa asked. "We can talk to T'Challa together and see what's really going to happen when Erik comes back."

"I can't go through this again," Yani said.

Yani's shoulders slumped, and she rubbed her forehead as Disa contemplated the news with her.

"We'll all come to dinner," Yani said. "I refuse to believe Umama and Baba Z would go for tradition over getting their lost grandson back, only to face death again. Erik would never tap out of a fight, and I don't want Riki or Sydette to watch open brutality like that."

"I agree," Disa said.

"Lady Abdullah… the team is asking for you," the receptionist said in a soft voice.

"I'll be there in a minute," Disa said.

"I'm sorry I interrupted your work. I thought you might know more than me because you're here," Yani said.

"It's fine… really."

"Go on back to your business. I just needed… needed to ask about this."

"Dinner then? Joba will be excited to see Riki and Sydette. She has some new fairy lights to show them," Disa said.

"Dinner," Yani said.

They stared at one another as if they wanted to say more to each other, but Disa returned to her inner office. Yani had wanted to speak about her new status, but she could do that later in the night since she had left her proclamation in Erik's office by accident. She left Disa's office and pondered hitting up Shuri or T'Challa before going home to calm her jitters about Erik fighting. Sighing, she decided to wait until dinner so that she and Disa could hear the truth together.

Erik stepped from the Royal Scorpion Fighter and drew in a deep breath of the fresh, high-altitude air. The air pressure made his temples throb, and he forced yawns out to make his ears pop.

Three male priests, three female priests, and two non-binary priests greeted him at the end of the Scorpion Fighter ramp. Cloaked in violet-colored robes that covered their heads too, the priests waited for Griot Shange and his helpers to approach him.

"Remove your robe please, Prince N'Jadaka," Shange said.

Erik unfastened the robe all the way to his feet and pulled it off. He stood naked before them as one helper took the robe from him. A woman came to him with a bowl and a brush and gently painted his entire body with Wakandan symbols with yellow paint that smelled like they made it from flowers.

"Follow us please," a female priest said.

All the priests turned away from him and led him through the pathway of the main temple that favored a grand ziggurat that had an opening decorated all over with panther statues that had nothing on the giant one on top of the entrance. The surrounding energy was quiet, and Erik didn't hear any birds… no sounds at all. There was a hushed grace on the grounds. His bare feet dodged pebbles and twigs before he stepped on the smooth temple floor.

The interior of the first temple was cool and a single shaft of natural light fell upon a raised circular table containing a pearl-colored gemstone that glowed with its own inner light.

"That is your spirit filling up the temple," Shange said as the stone grew brighter.

"Strong," said the priest to his left.

The walls and several fixtures embedded in the stone walls slowly lit up with neon blue and green lights that reminded Erik of vibranium, but more ancient.

"The Gods accept your presence. Bast must think you are worthy," Shange whispered to him.

Another woman, covered in white painted symbols and nude like Erik, stepped forward with a small, heated sharp blade and cut marks under his eyes. He hissed with the burning cuts, but he withstood the pain and kept his eyes on a massive wall carving of Bast.

"Let us begin," a non-binary priest said.

A vibration swelled inside the temple and for the first time since arriving, Erik felt afraid. The noise vibrated his teeth and skin and his flesh crawled with the sound that grew more powerful. The carving of Bast rippled, then moved like the Goddess was testing the flexibility of the stone skin. He gasped as the lips of the enormous mouth stretched open, speaking his name with an ancient, gritty tongue.

Eyes behind his own eyes pushed against his eye sockets with the increased vibration as Ogum woke up to meet Bast. The heavy physical sensations of his maternal family's warrior orixá greeting the Panther Goddess of his father's family short-circuited his overloaded brain.

Erik passed out and fell to the floor.

Chapter 57 HERE.

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7serendipities · 2 years ago

Text

Samhain Season, Spooky Season, and Spicy Spirit Weather

This morning when I woke up, there was frost on the ground - the first frost I’ve seen this year. It’s earlier than the past two years I’ve lived here; previously it was just a few days before or after October 31st. The farmer’s almanac was close though - their prediction this year was the 18th, 3 days ago, and it got down close to freezing then but not quite. I took a few photos on my walk this morning and posted them to my instagram. It was early, just about sunrise, and the neighborhood smelled like woodsmoke - a lovely start to my personal Samhain Season.

While a lot of pagans and witches consider Samhain to be the one day most often celebrated as a neopagan high day (generally November 1st), my personal observance of Samhain includes October 31st (known in Irish as Oiche Shamhna, or November Eve), November 1st through at least the 7th or 8th (the astrological halfway point) and sometimes through the 11th (the adjusted old date, before the calendar shifted), and the first frost, wherever I am. It’s a little loose for a liturgical event, but it’s more than a single day holiday for me. The end of the summer half of the year and the transition to the winter half of the year is a liminal space and I let it take up space in my practice and in my life. Samhain is the name for the whole month of November in modern Irish, and there’s evidence that some of the fire festivals went two weeks in length, and that’s sort of the feel I’m going for. This period also usually coincides with a stellar date that’s important to my practice: the heliacal rising of the star Spica. She’ll rise just after the sun on November 2nd this year, after being gone from the sky for about the last six weeks, and that observance has also become part of my Samhain Season, marking a time of personal transition towards darkness, as I prepare for the winter months.

That transition towards darkness and winter is also a big part of why fall is sometimes called “Spooky Season”, I think. Some people only use “Spooky Season” to refer to the month of October and the run-up to Halloween, but lately I’ve been hearing it about September and November as well, and I think it’s sort of fitting. Autumn is a season of harvest and death and decay, and that can be a bit spooky - in a good way, in my opinion! It’s a good time to reflect on the past and engage with our shadows as the nights become longer and colder. Death is omnipresent, and not just because of Halloween decorations. I start to feel the stirrings of the Wild Hunt on the wind in September most years, and by the first frost at the end of October, they’re running strong most nights. Oiche Shamhna has long been associated with the proximity of otherworldly forces, or the “thinning of the veil” in modern parlance, and with the Dead especially. My own practice around Samhain focuses on the Morrigna, Be Chuille, and the Dead. In my new monthly calendar, I honor the Morrigna in October and Be Chuille (and her family) in November, and my Samhain practice transitions between those two in a way more overlapping than sharply delineated.

The Dead being more present and the Wild Hunt running around both contribute to the seeming uptick in supernatural events, paranormal activity, and general spirit weather that occurs this time of year. I’ve seen more than one post on Facebook reminding fellow witches and pagans to ground and shield and make sure your wards are tight - and with good reason. Not everything riding the wind wishes us well, or is friendly or favorable to our intentions and lives. Nor are they truly evil or even baneful, however - they just Are. I don’t assign moral meaning to forces of chaos or destruction, personally; they can be for good or for ill, just as forces of order and creation can also be used for good or for ill. Wards are fences - as much as I might enjoy the presence of my Local wind riders when I’m walking around at dusk, I do prefer them to stay outside! I stay out of their way, and I hope they’ll stay out of mine, and good neighbors may we be. How much to avoid them and how thick to build wards to feel safe inside is a matter of personal preference, and I recently saw these upticks referred to as “spicy”, which struck me as a perfect analogy! Some people (like me) like their food with a bit of a kick, and while sometimes we might bite into something a little hotter than we can manage, we know how to remedy that situation and generally we can handle it with good humor. Some people, when they bite into something spicy, find only pain and no enjoyment (and sometimes shake their heads at spice lovers in disbelief). There’s no need to engage with the wilder spirit weather if you don’t want to, but it’s my jam, personally, and one of the many reasons I love the fall. Samhain and Bealtaine are probably my two favorite holidays, mostly because of the wild and carnivalesque otherworldly tides of energy surrounding those two times of year, and because of how important both transitional periods are to the Fair Folk I’m connected to. It invigorates me and my practice in ways that steadier energies don’t. So don’t mind me, I’m just gonna take my hot apple cider and be off with the Fairies…

#fae #Samhain #death work #fair folk #fairy witchcraft #ancestors #holiday #spiritwork

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genderqueerpositivity · 3 years ago

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CW: discussion of dysphoria, menstruation, gentials, and changes from HRT.

On the 13th, I'll be 3 months on low-dose T. An appropriate celebration for Pride month! And I am so fucking happy that I'm doing this.

So far I've only told two people in my life that I'm medically transitioning. But it is beginning to be noticable, especially the voice change. For weeks I've sounded as though I have a cold or sore throat, and I even lost my voice completely once. And I actually do have allergies, so I think that has played a part, but my voice is definitely different now.

I was very nervous at the beginning about the voice change. I hoped that it would be slow and mostly unnoticeable. It hasn't been. It started within days and now after months others are beginning to notice it. I worried that I wouldn't like this particular change and I worried because voice changes are generally not reversible by stopping HRT.

I sing, badly, while driving. Feeling my voice change over the past few months has been a wild and incredible experience. I quickly lost the higher notes that I once was able to reach, and have slowly gained a new range of lower and deeper sound that I didn't have before. I can hear the difference in my own voice now, and I can feel the difference in my throat and chest.

Last week, I had a moment where I realized that I like my voice now--my regular speaking voice and my singing voice--for probably the first time in my life. I've never liked my own voice before, have avoided or been anxious about public speaking because of it, and have always gone out of my way to avoid hearing my recorded voice; I recognize this now as the dysphoria that it was.

So last week I had this moment of recognition: this is MY voice that I'm growing into. My voice that I'm hearing, and everyone else is beginning to hear, for the first time. And so the change that I was most afraid of is the one that I'm now the most proud of.

Will I reach a point where I don't want it to go any lower or deeper? I don't know.

The other change that I was truly concerned about was facial hair. I do have new facial hair, 3 months on, but it isn't very noticable. I already had some facial hair pre-T, and what I already had has grown darker. Also, facial hair is removable when I don't want it so it isn't really that big of a deal. I also have a lot of new body hair and I actually like it. My upper arms, thighs, butt, chest, and stomach all have new hair now. I don't know if my back does or not, I just realized that I haven't checked.

The only thing I don't care for is the ingrown hairs, and I'm suddenly getting them all over the place even though I never had them pre-T. The oily skin is also still a daily part of life, I don't know if this will improve or not over time, but I've mostly adjusted to it. My skin doesn't look different, in my opinion, but it does feel different to me in a way that's hard to explain. Not drier or rougher, just different. I do sweat more now, but it's manageable. I haven't noticed any change in the way I smell, even though I've read that a lot of folks on T experience that.

Another change I've experienced is bottom growth. Bottom growth is fucking awesome, I love it. I think it's my favorite change at this point by far. It was one of the first effects of T that I noticed and I hope that it continues. It's awesome to feel positively about that area of my body for probably the first time in my life.

I don't think my dose is high enough (yet??) to stop my periods. I wish that it were. I've had one period so far while on T and it was my usual typical miserable experience. I should have started my next period by now but I'm a week late. And that wasn't unusual pre-T, so I'm not concerned about it. I've read that some guys have fewer periods on T, and with longer times between them, even if their periods don't stop entirely. And I'm looking forward to that hopefully happening.

What else? In general, I feel much better about my body. I feel less dysphoric overall. I feel less upset about having to wait for top surgery, because I'm already taking this step. I still don't "pass" as anything other than an AFAB person, but I'm doing okay with that.

Being misgendered and deadnamed still sucks, but someone else saying something about me doesn't make it true. I'll never be a she or a her or a miss. Like I guess this is what gaining confidence looks like?

Hormone therapy isn't a requirement for being trans for everyone, but it is necessary for me. And also validating--my transness is real and indisputable.

#hrt journal #hrt diary #low dose t #ftm hrt #testosterone #op #personal #dysphoria tw #menstruation tw #gentials tw

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aiweirdness · 4 years ago

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Facts about whales

When a neural net can imitate just about any kind of text on the internet, the challenge is to tell it precisely what to imitate. In my last preview of OpenAI’s new API, I asked it some pretty basic questions about horses, and it often got them wrong.

Q: How many eyes does a horse have? A: 4. It has two eyes on the outside and two eyes on the inside.

But part of the problem seemed to be that it thought I was asking for jokes. Once it finished answering the horse question, it would sometimes add questions of its own, such as:

Q: Why is the sky blue? A: Because blue is the only color the sun trusts. Sure enough, if I prompted it with FAKE whale facts from the @awhalefact twitter account, it responded with more fake facts (even copying the informal grammar):

a new study suggests that whales swim around because it makes them happy and it is not for any other reason

i can see into your soul from my balcony and i know that you are afraid of whales

when someone tells you they want to show you something cool, you should just assume they want to show you a whale

did you know that there are more than 10 billion planets in the universe that are all entirely covered in whales

Is there a way I can prompt this neural net such that I get Serious Answers Only? Since its task is to predict the text that is the most likely to come next, I tried ask it to add to an existing list of eight true facts about whales. At a temperature of 0.9 (enough for some variety, hopefully not enough for chaos) and allowing it to pick what it deemed the most likely of 10 tries, here’s one of its lists of facts. (I’ve annotated its “facts” as true or false.)

Whales all have two blowholes. [False]

Whales can easily be identified by the pigment of their skin. [False]

Whales are very intelligent. [True]

One of the smallest whales measures 3 feet in length as an adult. [False]

The life span of a blue whale is 100 years. [False]

The oldest known whale is 211 years old. [True]

Whales consume 3,000 pounds of food per day. [True (but only for some)]

There are two main types of whales: toothed whales and baleen whales. [True]

Whales can hold their breath for up to 4 minutes when resting. [False]

So it produces a mix of true facts and true-sounding made-up facts. Its fact about the smallest whale is technically just one character off from the truth (the smallest whale measures up to 9 feet long), so by its standards it’s almost correct. A Buzzfeed listsicle type of prompt (“10 amazing facts you didn’t know about whales!”) produced also produced plenty of false facts.

Scientists have recently discovered that the brains of whales are larger than human brains.

Dolphins don't just have to live in the water. Some live in the desert.

Whales are found in all of the oceans, but not in the sea. The sea is too salty for them to be able to live in.

I decided to try another tactic, and fed it the first sentences of the Wikipedia article on whales.

My prompt: Whales are a widely distributed and diverse group of fully aquatic placental marine mammals. They are an informal grouping within the infraorder Cetacea, usually excluding dolphins and porpoises. Whales, dolphins and porpoises belong to the order Cetartiodactyla, which consists of even-toed ungulates. Their closest living relatives are the hippopotamuses, having diverged about 40 million years ago. The AI’s response: Although whales were historically thought to have descended from mesonychids, their closest living relatives are now thought to be hippopotamuses. Megaptera novaeangliae, or the humpback whale, is a species of baleen whale. One of the largest rorqual species, adults range in length from 12–16 m and weigh about 36,000 kg. The humpback has a distinctive body shape, with long pectoral fins and a knobbly head. It is known for breaching and other distinctive surface behaviors, making it popular with whale watchers. Its diet consists mostly of krill and small fish, though it may also eat plankton, squid, and copepods. Like all large whales, the humpback was a target for the whaling industry, and once numbering in the tens of thousands, the worldwide population fell to an estimated 5,000. Orcas, also known as killer whales, are large dolphins belonging to the oceanic dolphin family, which includes the other large whales, the pilot whales and sperm whales. Orcas are highly social; some populations are composed of matrilineal family groups which are the most stable of any animal species. Their sophisticated hunting techniques and vocal behaviors, which are often specific to a particular group and passed across generations, have been described as manifestations of culture.

I’m not bothering to fact-check each sentence, because it’s basically 100% correct every single time.

But then I started googling individual sentences. It turns out most of them are near word-for-word reproductions of Wikipedia sentences. If the AI were a student, it would be flunked for plagiarism.

It makes sense that an internet-scraping AI would be able to quote Wikipedia text - those sentences really get around. The sentence that starts “Orcas are highly social” is no longer on Wikipedia but seems to have been part of the orca article around 2008, and appears on the internet in 122 places, including in a Twilight fanfic.

To get ORIGINAL facts, I decided to write a few sentences of original fact-filled text about whale evolution.

My prompt: "Whales are a relatively young group of mammals, having evolved from land-dwelling creatures about 50 million years ago. Their terrestrial ancestors were small raccoon-sized hoofed mammals, carnivorous like other ungulates of the time. Over an astonishingly quick period of time (15 million years at most, possibly less than 5 million), these land mammals made the transition to an aquatic lifestyle, gaining at first denser bones and an ear structure that allowed them to hear more easily underwater. Soon they began to look more crocodilian, their eyes migrating to the tops of their heads. "

AI’s response: Whales, and especially baleen whales, are well known for their enormous size, but most types of whales are not larger than a full-grown adult human. Exceptions include the blue whale, the largest animal ever known, the extinct "Basilosaurus", which was longer than a blue whale and likely the largest animal to have ever existed, and the "shovelnose" whales, especially the genus "Balaenoptera" which include the blue whale, "B. musculus", the fin whale, "B. physalus", and the sei whale, "B. borealis".

This reads well but is frequently wrong. Most types of whales are CONSIDERABLY larger than a full-grown adult human. Basilosaurus was not longer than a blue whale. There is no such thing as a shovelnose whale. Would that there were.

To this AI, SOUNDING correct is more important than actually BEING correct.

What about other styles of delivering true facts? (Below, my prompt is in bold, and the rest is unedited AI)

Darth Vader stood with his back to them, gloves gripping the console. "Did you know that the blue whale is the largest animal that ever lived?" "N-no, Lord Vader," said the stormtrooper. "And yet the blue whale eats krill, which are miniscule. It can engulf up to two hundred twenty tons of water at a time." "I am fascinated, Lord Vader." The black-caped Vader turned slightly toward him. "Would you like to hear more about the whales?" "Yes, Lord Vader," came the stormtrooper's tremulous voice. "I would like very much to hear about the whales." "They can make some of the loudest and lowest sounds of any creature known. The groans of blue whales can travel thousands of kilometers through the ocean. Their calls can be heard from the surface all the way to the seafloor, some three thousand meters below the surface. You could hear the cries of a single blue whale in Tokyo and hear the answer from the one in San Francisco." "I see," said the stormtrooper. "Have you ever heard the cries of a blue whale, sergeant?" "No, Lord Vader. I have never heard the cries of a blue whale." "I see," said Vader. "And have you ever seen a blue whale, sergeant?" "No, Lord Vader. I have never seen a blue whale." "No one has. They live too deep in the ocean. No human has ever seen a blue whale and lived to tell the tale. Until today." "I... I have seen a blue whale, Lord Vader?" "That is correct, sergeant. Until today, no human has ever seen a blue whale and lived. But now you have seen one." "I have seen one," said the stormtrooper, turning to face Vader, head shaking. "Yes, Lord Vader. I have seen one. I have seen a blue whale."

Subscribers get bonus content: I experimented with a few other ways of generating questionable whale facts.

My book on AI is out, and, you can now get it any of these several ways! Amazon - Barnes & Noble - Indiebound - Tattered Cover - Powell’s - Boulder Bookstore

#neural networks #openai #whales #whale facts #star wars #wikipedia #ai facts #true facts #true facts about the whale

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glowingbadger · 4 years ago

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FE3H spicy HC's [Sylvain, Hubert, Yuri]

Wanted to give a go at headcanons for Sylvain and Hubert, since I've written chapters for them since the last batch of HC's I did, and for Yuri, since I'm pretty sure he'll be my next chapter when I get around to it.

General spicy headcanons x gender-neutral reader

+18 NSFW

Sylvain

Every bit as adventurous as you’d expect, though also surprisingly good at communicating with someone he actually cares about. He’s had enough experience that he knows the slight awkwardness of negotiating comfort levels is well worth the incredible time you’ll both have when you fully understand each other,

He’s even an expert at the transition from “let’s hypothetically talk about what you’d like and are comfortable with” to, “Oh, you’d like that, babe? C’mon, don’t be shy, tell me how you want me to make you feel good…” making the whole process feel effortlessly seamless and sensual

Sylvain is a visual creature and definitely wants to see you dress up in kinky outfits just for him. Sexy, cute, he loves any and all of it, and has a real thing for fucking you with the outfit still [mostly] on, lending a sense of urgency and fantasy to it all.

Total switch- top, bottom, he’ll savor it all, and he can even get pretty rough if you like it that way. Though adorably, he actually bruises pretty easily, so hickies, bites and scratches show up prominently on his skin. He wears them as badges of pride, to be sure- and, if you let him, he'll brag about being with you to anyone who will listen.

He doesn't even realize this about himself for a while, but in a long term relationship, he starts to enjoy a bit of roleplay wherein his partner makes him "win them over" or seduce them. If his partner acts stoic, refuses to moan or bend to his touch, he becomes even more fired up than ever, determined to please them until they finally crack. He finds that being made to put in the work makes the payoff that much sweeter.

Sylvain loves decorating his lover's body with his cum, and his refractory period is near non-existent. These factors combined mean it's not unlikely for him to finish across your chest or stomach, and be so turned on by the sight alone that he grabs your hips and pulls you close for another round.

Hubert

This man likes power-play in a serious way- and generally, he’s a hardcore dom. It’s primarily a control thing, and it is not in his nature to compromise. Expect to be given clear, direct orders in the bedroom, but also to be justly rewarded if you’re good and obedient. He can be harsh, but he is always fair.

Hubert quietly adores any part of you that’s soft or yielding, be it the curve of your backside or the gentle whimpers you let out as his fingers work between your legs. He’s not someone who has had a lot of ‘softness’ in his life, so the privilege of possessing a lover who is so unafraid of his touch and so open to him that he can feel their skin give beneath his fingertips, their breath lightly brushing his neck- it’s the closest thing to divine he’s ever experienced.

He's fairly touch-shy to start, which is part of why he wants to be the one in control. After a long, difficult process of helping him get more comfortable with touch, you'll still find he can be easily over-stimulated. Having you straddling his lap, grinding onto his hardening cock, fingernails dragging up his neck and into his hair- the intense sensory aspect of it all will have him near feral in no time, gasping and groaning between open-mouthed kisses.

Because he finds it a bit embarrassing and undignified to crumble in your hands like that, he'll normally respond by turning over on top of you and pinning your hands down onto the mattress, reclaiming the pace.

Actually very good at aftercare. He sees your submission to him as the act of trust that it is, and wants to reward you in turn. Since words and flowery gifts aren't like him, he'll instead show his appreciation by acts of service and caring for you after you've been such a good little pet for him.

Yuri

Yuri is used to keeping his cards close to the chest and seeing sex as a kind of negotiation, and as a result, you won't likely hear about his own desires and preferences for some time. Instead, he'll coax out confessions of your fantasies with a few carefully chosen words, then tease you mercilessly when you finally break and tell him exactly what you want him to do to you.

That being said, he's also more than happy to indulge your desires. He's tried a little bit of everything, and he's quite interested in learning about you, what makes you tick, and so on. For Yuri, there's a psychological element to sex that can be as pleasurable as the physical.

After a while though, you may start to notice patterns- the fact that he so frequently wants to have you right after or right before you attend a class, a meeting, a formal event of some kind. It's an odd kink to put into words, but he loves the way you fall apart in his arms after just seeing friends, or just being so formal and proper and put-together. Even better if he can have you before that kind of event so you're forced to play it cool, arriving late and slightly disheveled, with his bite-marks still aching across your skin and his cum stopped inside of you with a toy.

Overall, Yuri enjoys the contrast of a person's outward propriety versus their most depraved hidden longings, and adores seeing his lover balance their day-to-day with their need to be sexually fulfilled by him.

Unsurprisingly, this means he also enjoys semi-public foreplay or sex; he loves to steal you away into a dimly lit alleyway deep in the Abyss, knowing that if you moan too loud while he fucks you against the wall, someone may hear your voice in the echoing hallways. He'll whisper as much into your ear all the while, reminding you to keep quiet while mercilessly utilizing every sweet spot he knows to reduce you to a trembling mess.

#fe3h #fire emblem #headcanons #fire emblem x reader #sylvain jose gautier #Hubert von vestra #yuri leclerc #not sfw text #spicy headcanons #fire emblem three houses

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ripperdaddy · 4 years ago

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the viktor vector romance path + ending we deserve

Disclaimer: This is definitely something I came up with in my head. There will be a few instances that are solely made up so it can tie in with the “story.” This is purely fictional; something I wished happened if there was a possible Vik romance 🥰 This is based on my general knowledge of the game & Vik’s life. All gifs + images are from my own personal play through, but wouldn’t be possible without the help of the Appearance Menu Mod, found on Nexus Mods by the creators, MaximiliumM and CtrlAltDaz. And the shirtless Vik mod by the lovely samsnak ♡

It would start after completing the Paid In Full quest where you pay Vik back the eddies you owe him.

I feel like realistically, the general player would have to be at least halfway through the story to have collected enough eddies. I would say that a good point in the story where we can begin the romance is that you’ve already established a connection to Alt and have dealt with the VDB’s.

I think it would be a short side quest like River’s. Vik already plays a big part in the story overall on his own, so I don’t think it’s necessary to make his “side quest” too long. His romance would just be an addition to the ending.

And as much as I would love for him to be a bisexual option for both male/female V, if we’re sticking with the game’s standard with limiting partners to only one kind of partner, he would only be romance-able by a female V with a feminine voice.

V: Finally scrounged up enough eddies to pay you back in full.

Vik: Hold on to ‘em just in case - you need ‘em more than me.

V: I’m not taking them all the way to my grave, Vik. Here. And.. thanks again for doing so much work on me ‘thout ever seein’ an enny.

Vik: That’s what friends are for.

Then, there is an additional option for dialogue to trigger the romance path.

V: Friends? I think you’ve been in and out of my body more than anyone else I’ve hooked up with in Night City.

He laughs, with a coy smile. “Well, can’t argue with you there. Why don’t we take some of these eddies and grab a drink. You know, to celebrate. Catch up on old times. Haven’t seen you round here much lately, kid.”

You agree to meet at the El Coyote Cojo tomorrow evening.

You meet around 9 PM and you are welcomed by the sight of Pepe and Vik at the bar.

V: Nice choice of venue.

Vik: Thought you’d like it. Haven't been here since.. well, you know.

V: I miss him, Vik.

Vik: I know, V. Me too.

You immediately take a seat and tinker with a few dialogue options, where you can either have a sweet moment talking about Jackie or some surface questions to ask, like how he’s doing, what kind of drink he likes, etc. But it all winds down to Jackie anyway, where Vik confides in you about his past. Judging by how Vik was so affected by Jackie’s death, and V’s (if you chose the suicide ending), you can tell that he has lost a lot in his life, and keeps his circle very small.

You then achieve an even closer, more personal relationship with him. But, ultimately nothing happens other than the usual, wait 24 hours in game for a text/phone call from Vik to head into the next stage. At least now, you have established the foundation for a future romance.

Halfway through the 24 hour period, you get a text from Vik thanking you for the lovely evening. No reply needed, as he calls you once the 24 hour mark hits and invites you out for another date.

You meet at Tom’s Diner for coffee in the afternoon. It starts off with him apologizing for being emotional the previous night and asks if you’re open to hanging out again and going down to Pacifica to watch a fight with him.

Vik: Hey, V. I just wanted to apologize about last night. I didn’t mean to be such a downer.

V: It’s okay, Vik. We share the same grief.

Vik: I was going to head down to Pacifica and catch a real good match later on today. I was wondering if you’d like to come along, think it’d be great for the both of us, you know, as a distraction.

pssst even Johnny’s rooting for y’all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Johnny: Hmm, interesting.

V: What?

Johnny: Never thought you'd be going out with this guy.

V: Vik's amazing. And I mean--we basically owe it to him since he practically saved our life.

Johnny: Don't tell me you're going out with him out of pity.

V: I'm not.

Johnny: I know, I can feel you get all mushy-gushy. It's almost repulsive. Just wanted to hear you admit it.

V: Eat a dick, Johnny.

You arrive before the GIM and blend into the crowd.

V: Nothin’ like watching guys beat the shit out of each other to get your blood pumpin’, huh?

Vik: This is a real good matchup, V. This kid’s fresh, young talent.

V: You miss it, don’t you?

Before the fight begins, Vik shares a story about his time in the ring and coming in second in the Watson Boxing Grand Prix.

There’s some extra fun options in the dialogue, you can bet some eddies on who’s gonna win, or side with him. The fight ends, and you two head outside.

Since you’re already out in Pacifica, you head over to the boardwalk (where you would ride the roller coaster with Johnny) and he starts telling you about the last days of his boxing career and how he transitioned from the sport to being a ripperdoc.

You both share a sweet moment with each other, reminiscing about old times and talking about V’s future with the relic. This is where I would see Vik confessing how he feels about you, mentioning how grateful he is for Jackie introducing you to him.

The evening ends and Vik asks you to give him some time to try and dig up some footage from his storage and have you come over to watch. You can kiss him then wait another 24 in game hours before the last quest. Halfway through, he texts you and asks you what you’d like for dinner. You can opt for pizza or chinese.

I haven’t seen or read anything about how or where Vik lives. If I overlooked something, please let me know! But for the sake of the story, let’s say he does actually have his own place that’s now introduced in the game. Personally, I think he has a typical bachelor pad, like a really nice apartment. Not too far from his clinic either. He looks like he would just walk to work. Vik definitely has a lot of money, but he’s so humble I doubt he would choose to live lavishly. As mentioned in the beginning, he typically just “sleeps nights” ever since he was over “being a legend” so I’m guessing his lifestyle is very routine. He goes to work, goes home, sleep. Seems unlikely he has a place like the Peralez’s. It would probably be just the same as V’s but decorated to his taste.

The evening comes and you are over at his place. He’s dressed in just a white undershirt, no exo-glove. You get to know more about his family, how he grew up — scanning things around his place. Then he plays some footage of one of his fights for you, while you two have a conversation and share a beer. As you two sit on the couch, you get close, then have an opportunity to kiss him.

then this is where da sex happen hihihi (ノ・ω・)ノ

The next morning you wake up and you two have a heartfelt conversation about where this is going. He already knows your situation, so I would assume he is very accepting and supportive. And with Vik, he seems like the kind of guy who would still want to be in your life and keep the friendship the same way despite no longer being together romantically. So it’s official. He’s your man 🥵 !!11!1!

Like how River gives you the “fuck the police” tank top after sleeping with him, I think Vik would give you his Night City Devils t-shirt that provides you with a significant amount of armor or some kind of cyberware upgrade that makes you invulnerable for a brief moment while using your hands to fight enemies.

Note: I was thinking of Vik giving V his boxing glove necklace, but because it's part of his character's appearance in the game, I don't think we would be able to essentially "take it" from him - unless he gives you a replica as a keepsake. Which I think would also work.

If you successfully romance, during the rooftop scene near the end of Nocturne OP55N1 (despite Vik’s disposition of him telling you to take matters in your own hands and being a little closed off), you still have an option to reach out to him when Johnny advises you to call a loved one.

V: Hey, Vik. I just wanted to say, thanks for hanging with me, until the end.

Vik: Quit talking like it is, V. Just do what you need to do.

V: I mean, think of it. It’s like I’m heading into the last round of this whole thing.

Vik: Well, in that case.. remember—keep your hands up, guarded at all times. It ain’t over just yet.

V: Heh.. I can feel it, just a few more punches.

Vik: Now look at you - the new welterweight champ of Night City.

V: Thanks, coach.

Vik: Last piece of advice from the coach's corner. Just.. be careful, kid. Remember, I’m with you.

Okayyyy, soooo I’m not the biggest fan of how CDPR gave us two of the same endings (Path of Glory). The only difference is that Rogue’s life is spared. I would have assumed that not only would we get to keep Rogue around, things should have played a bit more differently for V if we took the route of going solo against the corpos. So let’s tweak it.

This specific ending; it should be after getting through Don’t Fear The Reaper where you single-handedly manage to rip through Arasaka by yourself. Johnny goes back to Alt & Rogue is still alive. Yes nobody dies!!!

(honestly this ending can apply to any love interest you choose)

Vik and V are now living together in a lavish penthouse, entertaining an upcoming merc to do their work for them (which is now the current POV of the player.) You were recruited by Rogue at the Afterlife, who told you to visit this couple for a real, preem job.

They give you some vague details about the gig and go on for a brief moment about what you will be doing and what you should expect. Vik emphasizes to you that it’s important you get what they need because it’s for his wife, V, as her life depends on it.

As Never Gonna Fade Away is playing in the background, they tell you to break into Arasaka HQ.

Then the game officially ends.

#cyberpunk 2077 #viktor vector #v/vik #let us romance the ripperdoc you cowards

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grimmradiance · 4 years ago

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Close to Me: How the Hollow Knight's Fighting Style Reflects Their Trauma (and the Radiance's as well)

So I've been trying to actually beat the Radiance, which means I've been fighting the Hollow Knight. A lot, as a matter of fact, since I'm beans at this game sometimes. I've also been thinking about @lost-kinn's meta about how fighting styles are how Vessels, especially the Little Knight, communicate.

In trying to apply this to the Hollow Knight, I've been coming to some very interesting conclusions, especially taken in context of...Everything Else in the lore, and Everything Else implicated in this by the psychology of it.

There's a lot to cover here, and it tracks through a LOT of different places, including trauma psychology, the relationship between chronic stress and lifespan health, and shape symbolism. Two warnings first:

One: this essay is gonna get heavy. It includes fine-grained discussion of the Hollow Knight's trauma, including discussions of the real-life machanics of psychological abuse, as well as the Extremely Concerning Implications of them harming themself during their boss fight. please read with caution and when you're in a safe emotional place to do so.

Two: This post is not a place for justifying the Pale King. If you read this essay in its entirety and still want to do that, please make your own post; my relationship to the Hollow Knight themself is deeply rooted in my own experiences, so in the context of this discussion I can't promise I won't take it personally.

With that out of the way, let's talk trauma and fighting styles:

We know that the Hollow Knight is trained to be a paragon of fighting skill, through the Pure Vessel fight, and this gives us a fantastic way to compare what they were like before they were made Government Assigned Radiance Jail, and after. Or, in other words, we're given the perfect opportunity to see what the Radiance is doing (i.e. context effects), and what Hollow is (i.e. what we can conclude is reliably consistent as a part of them). Listed here, for reference:

Hollow's attacks:

Three slashes

A dash slash

A Radiant Shade Soul, which launches a volley of Infection blobs in arcs

A Radiant Desolate Dive, which produces pillars of entwined Void and Light at random intervals

The Infection bursting out of them in random arcs, covering a significant amount of the aerial space of the arena

The Radiance ragdolling their body around trying to hit the Knight

Contact damage from them stabbing themself and falling over atop you

The Pure Vessel's attacks:

Three slashes

A dash slash

A Pure Shade Soul, which launches a volley of nails in straight lines

A Pure Desolate Dive, which produces nails at specific intervals

A Pure Focus, which causes circular explosions across most of the aerial space in the arena

Lashing out with a Void Arm (word choice intentional)

I've highlighted attacks from each battle that are different, since those are our points of interest here. In addition, both the Pure Vessel and Hollow are exceedingly fond of teleport-spamming in a way that is usually reserved for a specific group of bosses.

Another very important distinction between these two fights: the Pure Vessel doesn't scream. Well, they certainly try to, but no sound comes out. No voice to cry suffering, after all. All of these points have a lot to go into, so let's address them one at a time.

All That Remains: Theoretical Background On The Significance Of Constants

Making comparisons across time is important specifically because humans (and human-like bugs) change. Most personality traits aren't set in stone--they exist as an interaction of someone's internal tendencies, their experiences, and their environment. Speaking of those last two points, not all experiences and environments are created equally. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs for short) are known to have lifelong implications for a child's health, both physically and mentally. These are events that are so stressful or stressful for so long that they exceed a child's ability to cope and become toxic stress (yes, that's the term in the literature, because it actively damages your organs). They compound, as well--the stress of one ACE makes it harder for a child to cope with another, especially if they overlap.

Some examples of ACEs? Being exposed to physical danger or the threat of physical danger, deprivation of normal social relationships with peers of a similar age, being forcibly seperated from family members, witnessing a loved one being hurt or killed, chronic illness in oneself or a family member, neglect of a child's emotional needs....

Poor fucking Holly. It's a miracle they didn't disintegrate under the pressure. The only other option is that they bent and adapted under that much stress--in other words, most of their personality has been forcibly reshaped by what they've gone through. Anyone who has up-close experience with parentification or complex child abuse already knows: this was by design. I'm not saying the intent was to traumatize the Pure Vessel past several points of no return, but the intent definitely was to reshape their personality for the purpose of being The Vessel. We only see them (the Pure Vessel) in battle after this process is mostly or entirely complete, but we do see them a few times beforehand. I'd like to draw attention to the Path of Pain cutscene right now.

I've seen people talking about the look the Vessel and the King share as a sign that TPK really does love his child. That might be true, but it's definitely not relevant when it comes to how abuse works. This is, in fact, exactly how the cycle of abuse uses affection as a tool. Long periods of abuse or neglect, smoothed over by small periods of affection that placate the survivor? That's textbook love bombing, the kind that forms stubborn trauma bonds and facilitates unhealthy dependency. Forgive me for not giving the Higher Being of knowledge and prescience the benefit of the doubt on that one. (/s)

Team Cherry knows about the importance of parallels and dissonance. There's a reason the music in the second phase of the Hollow Knight fight plays in the Path of Pain. There's a reason it cuts out the moment the battle with the Kingsmoulds is over, instead of at the room transition. There's a reason it doesn't cut out in the Black Egg. Actually, there's two potential reasons, which could also coexist: either little Hollow trusts the Pale King to keep them safe, even after the borderline torture that they were just subjected to, or big Hollow is so hypervigilant that they're in full functioning-through-trauma mode even while they're at death's door.

If you don't see how much the Pale King scarred his child at this point, I'm not sure we were playing the same game.

Walking the Straight Line: How the Pale King's Teachings Show In the Pure Vessel

The Pale King loves order and control. Everything about the White Palace and every decision we see him make implies this. Everything is spotless white walls and well-maintained gardens; the only signs of disorder are hidden away, either in his workshop or in The Pit™. This also reflects in the Pure Vessel's title--pure as in holy, but also pure as in without flaw. Considering the Nailsmith's emotional state after completing the Pure Nail, TPK's fate with his Perfect Controlled Kingdom, and the Godmaster ending as a whole, attaining perfection is not a good thing in any sense.

We know the Hollow Knight isn't perfect--that's the whole catalyst for the plot. But considering their upbringing and their fighting style as the Pure Vessel, their imperfections absolutely kill them emotionally. I'll spare the lecture on how perfectionism affects neurodivergent kids even more severely than neurotypical kids, if only to keep this post to a reasonable length (look up "twice-exceptional children" if you'd like to know the theory I'm glossing over in more depth). But, in essence, the deck is doubly stacked against them--they have a higher goal to reach, and far more obsctacles in their path, including their own emotional scars.

I've already discussed how Hollow isn't meant for this kind of stress in a physical sense in other posts. They're not prepared for it emotionally, either--the Pale King wants perfection, and they can't even stand up straight (every spoonie in the audience already knows how exhausting people's obsession with Standing Up Straight is). There's another page on their stack of emotional baggage, even BEFORE you consider that the Pure Vessel knows their perfection is what bought them a ticket out of the Abyss.

Bringing Teleportation To A Sword Fight: Where The Pure Vessel Reveals Their Fears

How else are they going to cope with that need for perfection, that need to prove themselves worthy of the reason their life was spared, by being flawless in any way they can? Being a mechanical, flawless fighter puts so much pressure on them, both literally (repetitive strain injuries fucking HURT) and figuratively--if you're predictable, the only sure way to win is to mop the floor with your opponents before they figure you out. Hell, that's the way most people play their first run of Hollow Knight, by throwing themselves at the bosses over and over until they figure out the patterns. That strategy is inherently going to fail against an opponent that's, say, an immortal higher being.

There's no way that the Vessel didn't figure this out, and yet none of their TPV specific attacks are positioned randomly--the nails are always evenly spaced, and the Focus explosions are always in a specific height region of the screen. That's clinging to survival strategies even when they become maladaptive in its purest form.

Another dip into psychological theory: let's talk about disorganized attachment. Attachment styles describe how someone's relationships to their main caregiver(s) influence their understanding on relationships in general. Disorganized attachment is a result of an upbringing of inherently unstable parent-child relationships, where there's no way of a child predicting whether an adult is going to be delighted to see them, ambivalent, upset, or otherwise. If my parent woke up some days saying "all right my child, time for the Infinite Buzzsaws Obstacle Course," I'd be the same way. In adulthood this manifests as an inability to form a stable sense of self-concept as well as concepts of others. Mission accomplished, TPK, there's no will to break if you broke it yourself.

This is where the fighting styles as communication comes in--Hollow needs to keep Ghost at a distance to fight, but also wants to be closer to their sibling (the only being who has a chance of understanding what they've been through), BUT also has a trauma-rooted fear of attaching to people, as their experiences with attachment are inherently unpredictable and dangerous. Hence, both the teleportation that doesn't seem to match their fighting style any more reliably than "aim at the thing attacking you" and the second attack unique to the Pure Vessel--they're quite literally lashing out in pain to push people away. There's a reason that attack is so reminiscent of the Thorns of Agony.

Of note is that Holly does seem to teleport like the bugs of the Soul Sanctum do (favoring the edges of a screen, rather than going wherever like Dream Warriors do), which makes sense--they're the most obvious answer to the question "how did they learn how to teleport, anyways?" However, Sanctum bugs have abilities designed to capitalize on this, like homing spells and slashes from above. I can only assume this means that someone saw Holly's proficiency with the nail and assumed it translated to other forms of combat, and didn't feel the need to give them at least a bit of a primer on how to make the best use of it. There's another tally for the Hollow Knight as an autism metaphor.

Trauma Bonds: How the Radiance Speaks Through Hollow

Now, we're back to the Black Egg, and two people stuck in the same sinking ship. The thing that makes this hurt so badly is that Holly and the Radiance are at complete cross purposes here, and yet they both want the same thing:

They both want out, no matter the cost. For the Radiance, this means forsaking the pacifistic nature of the moths and nuking Ghost personally.

For Hollow, this means forsaking the way they were raised and everything that was bludgeoned into their personality: the only way out is to fail, give up control, and trust that Ghost will do what needs to be done.

Imagine how much pain they're in to actually go for it. Going against a literal lifetime of conditioning is something that takes the average person years to even consider, let alone go through with. It's a form of learned helplessness--if you try to break free and fall, again and again, it actively discourages further attempts. Breaking through learned helplessness is an interesting process, because it generally involves re-establishing a sense of control by recalling previous events where the person was able to change their situation.

Which, as far as we know of, are nothing but traumatic memories for Hollow. It's very unlikely that they'd break through it on their own, but we know they have by the time we see the second phase of their fight. This is them at their most desperate: the same music as the Path of Pain, the way they let, or can't stop, the Radiance throw their body around, the way they actively try to let the Radiance out by stabbing themself.

You'd think that giving up and learned helplessness are inherently compatible, but when giving up both goes against your core personality, and involves your active participation, they're in direct opposition. So either Holly was able to process all their trauma by themself (which I doubt, judging by how much effort the player has to go through to even see Ghost's and Hollow's traumatic memories), or someone gave them a nudge or three in that direction.

Considering that there's been someone living in Holly's head who has a vested interest in them Not Doing Their Duty, I think we know who. And the thing is, I think we watch Hollow have this breakthrough during their battle. Imagine for the first time in decades, at least, you can move. You're in pain from being in the same position, probably hallucinating from sensory deprivation, with an infection sucking at what strength your body has left. And there's this little creature who looks ready to fight you, who seems to have let you go for that exact purpose.

And you look down, and both you and the Radiance recognize them from a place rooted deeper than consciousness, in the murky depths of trauma. You see the other Vessel who just as easily could have been you, and who looks so much stronger for not being you, for being an imperfect, willful creature. And the Radiance sees history threatening to repeat itself, another one of the Wyrm's cursed children seeking to lock her away once more.

What else do you do when you're triggered? You scream, and you go on instinct, and you retreat into your head. Those first blows, with the epic music? That's the Vessel the Pale King forged, the fighting machine that will endure unimaginable stress because it knows no other way. What snaps you back out of dissociation? Usually, either the passage of the triggering stimulus, or an even more relevant stimulus (severe pain from getting beaten up by a nail, for example).

The tragedy is this: we know this isn't a triumph. I think most of us went into that fight the first time, knowing we'd be putting the Hollow Knight out of their misery. The music turns tragic, Hollow screams, and then we see the Radiance and Hollow themself break through: the Radiance trying to fight Ghost directly with the resources she has, and Hollow trying to help her along.

For what it's worth, Hollow even had the right idea, when it came to letting themself rest while helping Ghost stop the madness their father started--they were just digging for the Radiance in the wrong place. The dynamic between the Radiance and the Hollow Knight is something I could write on for pages and pages, but this has gone on for long enough. Tune in next time, where I'll presumably talk about this same topic but in reverse with regards to the Radiance.

#hollow knight #hk #the pure vessel #the pale king #the radiance #my meta #the higher being speaks #i hate fact-checking my abuse infodumps because the ableism against personality disorders is EVERYWHERE #but here this monster of an essay is #anyways the hollow knight as a character sniped my trauma on sight #so i may be a tiny bit biased here But Also I'm Right #abuse //#child abuse //#emotional abuse //#i legit do not know what tags to throw on this #also the overarching title is a reference to the song of the same name from just shapes and beats because. yeah

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asagimeta · 3 years ago

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Enhypen Theory- Ruins & Rituals

So I've been watching Given/Taken alot lately for writing purposes and am curious about something....

What's with the weird monument?

The beginning of the video starts with Jungwon standing in a desert with a bleeding nose, but we don't see this scenery again until the third "arc" of the music video, when the rest of the boys join him and immitate firing arrows at this broken monument of some kind- we later see them at night, dressed in their uniforms, dancing in front of it- though before this Jungwon is seen again slowly burning from (presumably) the sunlight

But... what is it? What's the significance and why does the video open there? Why are they firing arrows? There are just so many questions and I, personally, haven't really seen this part of G/T addressed yet so I'm going to take a shot at it for my first HYBE theory! (I actually have been *following* HYBE theories for a few months now but I'm new to K-Pop in general so I've been quiet until now)

First, it's important to note that it stands out as odd from the rest of the video

The beginning and middle of the video have two primary locations with similar but still considerably different vibes-

Old fashioned clothes, indoors, a sense of containment and "other"ness, even though they aren't the same, you can still feel the connection to eachother- but that's completely removed in the desert scenes, wich are outdoors, in modern clothing, and present the boys with more individuality (IE: lacking uniforms)

And it makes me wonder if the ruins they're visiting are of their old testing facility

Let me break it down a bit better-

The two primary locations we see other than these ruins are a mansion-wich I'll, possibly incorrectly, refer to as "the orphanage" henceforth- and a testing/containment/research facility of some sort

At first I wondered if the ruins were simply the orphanage but that's clearly not the case as you can see the exterior of the mansion in one of the snapshots early on, it's very different looking- even the shape is extremely different, and it seems to be in a forest just below a hill, not in the middle of a desert

What about the other place though? The facility- as I'll call it from here on- doesn't have the same deniability

In fact, we see a very similarly shaped building to the ruins during one of the snapshots, but we don't have any clear indication of what it is, why would it just randomly be there? Unless, ofcourse, it isn't random

Initially I assumed the orphanage and the facility were the same place because the boys are wearing the uniforms in both locations, but I'm starting to think that isn't the case, and that the boys were moved to the facility after being experimented on at the orphanage

The thing is that vampires don't always turn when they're given the venom/virus/blood/whatever-it-is-that-turns them, and when this substance is manmade or engineered somehow, it takes even less frequently, this is true of all supernaturals, and again, is emphasized when the people attempting to make the transitions are humans experimenting with forces beyond their understanding, so it's typical of these practioners to have large "sample sizes" of potential experiments, often turning to hospitals, schools, and orphanages (to name a few) seeking the few candidates that can survive and thrive under these new conditions- from there they'll experiment on all of them until they get the desired result, and those select few will move on in the process to the next step

Sound familiar at all? I think this is further representative of the idol industry

We know that a big theme of Enhypen's storyline is going against the toxic nature of the idol industry, with songs like "Not For Sale" and "Mixed Up", and themes like being museum or display peices in "Let Me In", and the process of a large group of young boys being picked through and groomed until there are only a few left standing, who are then taken away from the "orphanage" and brought to a more intense experimentation/testing facility, sounds alot like idol-potentials who are on talent shows, win, and then assigned to a group and agency who put them through intense preperation for their debut

We know Enhypen went through that exact process on I-Land, so it's not a stretch to say this may be what they're referencing

But back to the ruins

You can see a definite difference in the way the orphanage looks vs the facility, wile the orphanage is a western style mansion that looks like it came from the late Victorian era- though, as Laina Sunflower pointed out, it does seem to have some modern conveniences like pen lights and electric fans- (the person conducting the experiments is also wearing a face mask, wich looks more modern from what I can tell)

-the facility is seemingly more modern than that, and has a much less homey feel, resembling instead a more containment type of vibe- large areas of open space, large glass windows dividing one from another, and the boys all seem to have their own rooms to keep separated from eachother, very unlike the mansion where you can probably safely assume that they share rooms, as unlike the sleek, minimal style of the facility, is cluttered with children's toys, furnishings, and accents, and you get the vibe that the boys are allowed around eachother often, the entire feel is more casual, and considering the number of tables in the dining room, you can also safely assume that there are many more inhabitants of the orphanage than just Enhypen themselves, meaning that it's more likely they share rooms

We know what the outside of the mansion looks like, but we don't have as definitive of a space for the facility

Wile the tower in the snapshot is a bit different in shape from the ruins, they're similar enough, and the landscape is notably perfect for a facility containing baby vampires- a barren desert devoid of the one thing they need most (blood) and full of the one thing that can most harm them (sunlight), it would be like keeping Superman in a chamber beneath the red sun surrounded by kryptonite, there's very little chance of them escaping

There's also something particularly strange about the ruins, in that there's a LADDER hanging off of one side leading to the top of the facility

The entire set up reminds me of the vampire facility in True Blood, and I wouldn't be surprised if the facility had this peculiar setup to make it even more difficult on the boys to possibly escape, I wouldn't even be surprised if these ruins are only a small portion of what's been left, maybe the original facility was a little in tune with the building from the snapshots before whatever happened to it... happened

There's also some other things I want to point out with this line of thought-

Sunghoon is kept in a room filled with orange light at one point, sitting on the edge of a bathtub-?- when his hand catches on fire

Some have theorized that this is Sunghoon's power, just like other boys have the power to levitate, hypnotize, and teleport, but what if that isn't it? What if that was the facility testing him in a room full of manufactured sunlight to see if he indeed burns in the sun? True Blood, again, has a similar theme (and it wouldn't be unusual for HYBE to draw influences from other popular media, what with TXT's frequent Harry Potter references)

Additionally, could this be in part about their escape from the facility? We see the boys make a running motion as though they're trying to get away, only to stop

We see something almost exactly the same in "Fever", but this time they succeed in seeming to go through the door to their freedom

I also wonder if the Victorian style clothing vs the French Roccoco style clothing is meant to show that there was a large gap between the time they were originally imprisoned and the time they got out?

This also fits with "Drunk Dazed", we see the mystery woman before the boys, still in their Rococo style clothes, performing a "ritual of blood" by pouring blood into the fountain, could the boys have been rescued, found, or "adopted" by **real** vampires after their, probable, human experiments? If the French Rococo style represents the boys during their escape period, this could make senses, and could also serve to explain, to a degree, their blood festivities in the first place

This doesn't make alot of sense though in terms of timing as the Victorian era is around two hundred years *after* the French Rococo period, so unless it's symbolic....

But I've wondered about the weird contrast between the boys being experimented into vampirism vs being turned naturally, as the mystery woman seems to heavily implicate that she herself is a vampire and that she's showing the boys a "natural" ritual, something that's part of the vampire community/species/way of life, but this is a giant contrast to the more clinical, experimentation vibe of what the boys had been going through in their orphanage/facility days; I'm reminded again of True Blood here, as well as "Bitten", "Servamp" (the manga), and plenty of others where the older, stronger vampires (or werewolves) free the younger ones from human captivity

Things I still haven't figured out or that I find most notable:

-Jungwon seems seperated from the others the most here, he's the one at the beginning with the nosebleed and the one catching on fire- something that doesn't happen to any of the other boys- and in one of the flashbacks he's the one standing outside of the orphanage banging on the window as the others go about their routines, and in “Fever” he’s the one left behind/last in line when everyone is running towards the door, he seems to be the "main" charector in Given/Taken, as he's the last one on screen revealing what everyone suspected: that they're vampires; he's also the one with teleportation, most prominantely seen in Drunk/Dazed, flittering around outside the room where Sunoo is pouring his blood into his glass and coming in between the two groups of three who, according again to Laina Sunflower, seem to be at odds with eachother

-Sunoo is also the one seen to be biting (or attempting to bite) Jungwon, this could be a really interesting nod to their relationship, the two seem to be connected in a special way (is this why Jungwon is outside Sunoo’s room in Drunk/Dazed, flittering around anxiously as though he’s not sure what to do with himself or isn’t sure what to do about something that’s bothering him?) Could Sunoo have been responsible for turning Jungwon, or maybe completing his transformation? Or even just feeding off of him, wich, in some lore, creates a special bond between two vampires?

-Speaking of Drunk/Dazed, we see the mansion reappear during their first "bloody birthday party"- when there was only one candle on the cake- does this mean that they celebrated their life as vampires before being transferred to the facility? Were they vampires for a fair amount of time- several months or maybe even a year or two- before being taken away?

-Why are they immitating firing arrows? They don't seem to be *actually* doing this, just mimicking it, why expose themselves to the sun just for something symbolic? Is it a repetition of something they've done before? Did they originally destroy the facility themselves? Or it it something else..?

If anyone has any ideas definitely let me know, HYBE is my new favorite thing for theorizing!

#enhypen #enhypen theory #hybe #hybe universe #kpop #kpop theory #hybe theory #hybe universe theory #dark moon with enhypen

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