#I’ve been dead for over a year | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lilias300yearhusband · 2 years ago

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Imagine being huge compared to Barbatos. Both of your hands being able to wrap around the entirety of his pretty little waist. Teasing him when you’re together at RAD by pulling him close and whispering what you want to do to him in his ears.

The way his cheeks turn a gorgeous red when you stand beside him because you’re just so big. His mind can’t help but imagine you manhandling him. How it would feel to have your cock inside him and being able to see the outline in his tiny body.

#queue #obey me barbatos #sub barbatos #shua wrote something #I’ve been dead for over a year #dropping this and leaving again lol #obey me smut #kinda #thirst hours go brrr

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10-59 · 2 months ago

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trying to figure him out . (Lies down on the floor)

#I AM TERRIFIED TO POST MY DRAWINGS TO THE PUBLIC AGAIN……#i stopped like 3 years ago cause I realized my art was bad and nobody told me so I got in my feelings abt it lolllll #actually. looking back at my insta it’s been. 5 or so years #I like to think I’ve improved #but idk. tell me if this is bad. You Have To Tell Me #I’m NOT putting this in the main tag I’m SCARED!!!!!!#posting this and then going to sleep. the infallible technique #vlinny #j.draw #very inspired by my current fav vs artist but over my dead body will I tag him about it

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river-of-wine · 3 months ago

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Molly poem tattoos?! Have you posted them/are you willing to?

I got a tattoo of the last lines of her poem recently!! It’s kind of hard to get pictures, but here’s some from when she was freshly done a few weeks ago! She’s healing now and she looks beautiful

#she’s on my thigh!! this is my first tattoo and I’m so obsessed with it #I’ve been wanting molly’s poem somewhere on me for over a year so I’m so happy I finally have it #this was a day or so after I got it done so she’s healed very well now!!#red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #molly o'shea

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monsterfuckermilligan · 2 months ago

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it’s very important to me how my therapist (attachment trauma specialist) who works with a lot of adoptees and ffy is also obsessed with supernatural. and agrees that jack is not adopted, and it’s important to his storyline that he isn’t. it’s so frustrating trying to explain to people that adoption isn’t about ‘what’s in their hearts’ or some other bullshit, because adoption isn’t about love, it’s a legal process that tfw don’t partake in. they never try to to erase his lineage or require it for there to be love. jack keeps his last name! jack has a picture of kelly at his bedside! jack gets the freedom to meet his first family, including lucifer! he gets to make his decisions about that even after he argues with cas about it! he is not adopted y’all just don’t know how else to describe their relationship because of the romanticization of adoption in ‘found family’ media and the fact that most non-adopted people have no idea what adoption actually is.

#also it’s not y’all’s fault that u don’t i really don’t want people to take offense to this #adoptees actually often face barriers when creating stories about adoption because people cannot handle the complexity lmao #like adoption has to go one of two ways and the options are perfect happy nuclear family or evil adoptive parents #who took someone’s baby/child and the mother has been looking for them for years #there’s hardly ever any in between #and now we have an influx of what i’ve seen coined the adoption adjacent trope #which is basically jack. serves all the emotional purposes of adoption with less complications bc #the first families are either dead or abusive and the ‘adoptee’ adjacent character #is old enough to have agency over their decisions #which alleviates some of the issues with consent that adoption has #and on top of that there’s no paperwork for whatever reason #it still serves the narrative purpose for adoption without actually telling an adoptees story #*adoptee’s #which is fascinating because we rarely get scenes like meeting first families and having complex relationships with our APs or first parent #and i genuinely think the only reason we get this with jack is BECAUSE he is not adopted #jack kline #anti adoptee jack kline #tfw2.0 #dadstiel #adopted jack kline #adoptee jack kline #jack and his three dads #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #also if i get any hate about this pls know im an adoptee and i will be loud abt ur hate. and if ur like whiskey why would u get hate???#bless ur fucking heart u have no idea what it’s like to be an adoptee who is anti adoption industry on the internet. i have genuinely gotten #more hate for being an adoptee than i have for being gay or trans. the things people say to us unwarranted r fucking abysmal

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velvetjune · 7 months ago

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how am i supposed to take dr darling’s final videos in control and his ominous demise seriously when the first update we get on him in alan wake 2: the final draft is him holding hands with thomas zane

#to be fair it was already silly with the dynamite music video at the end #i just can’t believe for all these years I’ve been #‘oh no is he dead? will i ever see his character again? is he some strange changed higher being?’#then he’s literally just hanging out in the oceanview making silly science gadgets and drinking with zane 😭#alan wake 2 #control 2019 #control remedy #thomas zane #casper darling #just finished control (again) with platinum 🥳 managed to do the Marshall fight without assists this time #got very sad over Marshall’s message with how being director changed trench and damaged their relationship #also. lots of suspicious stuff with the board I didn’t fully notice before #final draft spoilers #alan wake 2 spoilers

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itspileofgoodthings · 10 days ago

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I mean I’m obsessed with crash landing on you because it’s like if a hallmark movie was good and that is fascinating to my brain and healing to my heart.

#I didn’t think such a thing was possible #I’ve been living very much in a world of extremes lately re: Art #like. on the one hand all the great works I teach just taking OVER my brain #and my knowledge of them deepening at a very rapid pace #(sometimes in a too terrifying way so I feel like I’m hurtling down a hill. it’s actually really hard sometimes and I think part of how)#(my anxiety is manifesting itself. like. I just. I don’t feel like I’ve taken a deep breath in a year)#(I’ve just been in. motion.)#and then on the other hand finding new ways to find shows like Bridgerton dead #and Bridgerton helps with that because it is emotionally hollow. because it is fundamentally embarrassing #because Anthony snarling at Kate about how his honor is hanging by a thread isn’t sexy at all #so my mind has kind of just been living in those two extremes and there hasn’t been a lot of room for gentleness or nuance #but cloy is very healing 😭 and it just doesn’t #push the buttons in my brain that immediately need to analyze and #to some extent—destroy! tear apart! with fierce and savage energy.#it just lets my brain and heart exist.#and also there is something so sweet and pure and real about so much of it #I think it’s cause it’s true love 😭 and it’s that simple.#(I’ve also outgrown/moved on from some of the more mediocre things I used to love. Like I just needed something new) but yeah.#it has been very hard in my brain lately even though it’s also been very good #like. teaching is just a lot these days. because it takes sooooooo much effort and work to get the kids going intellectually speaking #and one of the only ways I know how to reach them. or at least the lane I’m really driving in right now #(I know there are more ways)#is simply speaking to them above their heads. with passion and energy and a certain degree of expertise #and it’s WORKING #because it wakes them up and makes them want to engage #but I am also moving so fast and so vulnerably for all of my certainty. that it’s just hard.#I need to relax but I can’t. I feel like the devil is behind me every second #this is dramatic. and as Lewis said in surprised by joy it’s only one layer of what’s happening #but it is what happening #a lot of things are unfolding/growing and also the anxiety is terrible

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putrid-pixie · 9 months ago

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WHERE CAN I WATCH ANTHONYS FUNERAL ROAST ITS KILLING ME IF I BECOME A MEMBER CAN I WATCH IT??? SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER I AM YELLING INTO THE VOID

#hoping this reaches the right audience #the day it streamed i was so upset knowing i was busy doing something else and i wouldn’t be able to see it #i had no idea it was still up until the end of the year #i literally just found that out and i am killing myself over it #how could i be so foolish #i’ve been wanting to become a member for a while and this might be the final straw if it’s on there #smosh #ian hecox #anthony padilla #ianthony #anthony is dead #anthony’s funeral roast

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sea-jello · 9 months ago

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WHAT A YEAR ONE MONTH AND FOUR DAYS DOES TO A MOTHERFUCKER this is actually crazy

AND

LET ME BE FREE OF AMAA

#got more smiley apparently #i’ve wanted to redraw one of my beginner arts for a while now and finally picked my ass up #OKAY LET ME BRAG A BIT FIRST OKAY #THERES SUCH A DIFFERENCE LOOK AT IT ITS ONLY BEEN A YEAR #JAN 11 2023 #I WAS DEAD FACED IN THE OG ONE CAUSE I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO DRAW SMILES AND LOOK AT JT NOW #I LEARNED HOW TO DO FACE SHAPES #EYES #HOODIES AMD SHAPES OVERALL #FUNKY ASS JELLYFISH HAT #LEARNED HOW TO COLOR #AND IM DRAWING EYEBROWS NOW 💀 WHAT WAS I DOING #AND YOU CAN SEE SOME THINGS I RETAINED LIKE THE SLEEVE CREASES #and my haircut ive had the same haircut for three years #in the og post i said i was proud of myself but NOWW i’m proud of myself idc #now i just need to get over the same face and 3/4 syndrome #if you don’t know what amaa is don’t worry about it its targeted to very specific people #jellos scribbles #imnot tagging him

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cr0wc0rpse · 2 months ago

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Eventually you will start to feel like an alive person and be doing things and it’s so wonderful

#this year has been very good for me so far. first year as a real alive person. I like it actually #I’m going to a concert in september and october And november!! I haven’t been to a concert since 2016 #and I’ve been going out and doing stuff #and seeing my friends and recently my partner #and it’s all very new but I’m very excited and glad it’s happening and I’m doing it #I was so miserable for so long and my baseline was bordering on suicidal constantly #I haven’t been suicidal in like . a year. maybe a little more than #I have a lot to do and fix but I feel like I can and I haven’t felt that way before #it’s nice. I do have a life that I can change and have control over #dead text

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touchlikethesun · 10 months ago

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.

#perfect jan 1st plans #sobbing in the fetal position under the bed like a child #god today sucks #this is why i use escapism so much #i try not to for one single goddamn day and look where that got me #seriously considering disappearing #it’s been years of this #years of one crisis after another and nothing ever gets better #everyone says it gets better eventually but i’ve felt like this since i was 12 #over a decade of my life #struggling and wishing i was dead #and for what? i have nothing to show for it #no accomplishments barely any meaningful relationships no hobbies #just pain and pain and failure and embarrassment and pain #fucking hell #i’m so stupid i’m so worthless i’m so pathetic i can’t keep living with myself #vent

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fingertipsmp3 · 6 months ago

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Should I end my tolerance break tonight or should I continue and see how long this can go on for

#full disclosure it’s only been two days #i’ll be honest kitten; daddy might have a fucking problem #look it’s not even… weed is not addictive. obviously #BUT i am not in the greatest mental state right now. i am not exactly a shining example of perfect mental health #i’m a 28 year old loser who peaked in undergrad and is a self employed freelancer BUT is too lazy to make decent money freelancing #i really need a manager breathing down my neck to get me to do the bare minimum or more consistently #i’m also super not doing well regarding 1) my dad’s deathiversary 2) my ongoing grief over mabel (yes she was a dog but if you say she was #‘just a dog’ i will come to your house and throw up in your walls DON’T DO IT. DON’T TRY IT. I LOVED HER)#and also just. the crushing weight of it all.#if i have edibles i don’t have to think about the fact i thought i’d either be dead or successful by now and instead i’m alive and mediocre #am i really supposed to freeball THIS reality. THIS ONE???#but then it’s like it creates a vicious cycle because is the weed making me unproductive or do i want the weed BECAUSE i’m unproductive #and it helps me forget that i’m a complete and utter loser. 🧐#listen i’ve gotten less done during this tolerance break than i did last week when i pretty much had a weed gummy every night #i’m not saying there’s a correlation but what i AM saying is it’s suspicious #i could continue the break until the weekend. that seems like the best plan #personal

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cat-tranzer · 4 months ago

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ugh i kinda wanna get back on tumblr and rot my brain out some more

#i’d probably mostly just still bitch about my family tho #and then dish n overthink on the polycule expansion pack that just dropped #kink club tales abound #didn’t see that one coming #still unemployed #broker than ever #paranoia is consistently present but manageable #social anxiety is getting lesser every day tho!! making friends is awesome and cool and epic #okay time to bitch about the fam #the level of misogyny/transmisogyny is ASTRONOMICAL since my moms bf moved in #like he’ll deadname/mispronoun ems and he didn’t even meet her until #until recently and she’s been transitioned for over two years like buddy you do not get the benefit of the doubt with a little ‘slip up’#here. you are being a malicious piece of shit on purpose!!!!! at least don’t be a pussy about it!!!!!!!#also big kudos to my mom on sharing ems dead name. really fucking classy.#my cats and my girls tie my sanity together with a spider’s spinner #thin and invisible they weave the net around me to keep me safe until i can pluck up the courage to get us the fuck out of here #should be able to pass a drug test soon so that opens up my application options a lot. i feel confident that i’d be able to hold myself #together long enough to get enough cash to put a security deposit down somewhere in the city #extra friends means the chance for roommates too!!!!!<333 #only if i can be chillin in the nude in front of them tho. chances now are looking dece lol #ugh i’ve been manic dramatic for long enough tonight #hopefully it’s only the void i’m screaming at. i’m so damn lucky to have all that i have rn. especially the friends.#stick together with your local faggots and trannies always #ALWAYS<33 #signed dogweed

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titsthedamnseason · 1 year ago

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my roommate cut my hair for me tonight and at first i was (secretly) sad because it is wayyyyy too short but then i realized. i literally just got the 1989 chop. like this was all meant to happen this way

#nooo bc like 😭 it is NOT her fault. it is entirely my fault #i have curly hair (maybe i should start straightening it just to fully live out the aesthetic lmao) and i made the rookie mistake of showing #her where i wanted it to fall when it was DRY #and on top of that obviously when it comes to hair cutting everyone is always doing too much #but my friend is soooo cautious and gets anxious about these things so i honestly thought she wouldn’t do enough #and would kind of ask me while doing it in increments #like last time when i had my roommate cut my hair i couldn’t even tell that she did ANYTHING #but anyway yeah she definitely went shorter than where i pointed which already was faulty in the first place because i forgot how much it #would curl up #i mean i’m actually happy because it’s been frustrating me how absolutely tangled it’s been getting so that’s a relief #but i’m mostly sad because it’s about to be halloween #and i wanted my dead ends GONE for halloween because i am being barbie. who has notoriously perfect hair!#and they definitely are but i also lost all my length #like i’m trying to tell myself it’ll grow back soon but the last time my hair was this short was maybe like two years ago #and i’ve missed my long hair so bad it was finally starting to come back #but now it’s gone again and i have to start all over ☹️ and my barbie hairstyle options are severely limited #i will probably do braided pigtails #mine

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bibleofficial · 4 months ago

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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭

#diary #i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY #‘do u have a cigarette’ ‘where’s ur vape’ ‘where are we going’ ‘which bus is it’ ‘do u have a ___’ ‘did u bring ___’ girl what am i DORA w #the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE 😭😭😭😭#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just #girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY #i deadass was like ‘if we miss that train i will make sure u all go blind’ ‘did u bring a knife’ ‘I DONT NEED 1’#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA #LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL 😭😭😭😭😭#<- me knowing i could never be a parent #tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol ‘im going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish #the box or pass out’#YES IM STRICT #i think it’s so funny ok unrelated but like they’ll speak hindi & i’ve just #learned it through being around them kind of like i can’t speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but i’ll Understand the #Context & what’s being Said #ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally they’re #all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i #pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like 😦 bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i #walked back he was like ‘what the fuck does he just know hindi now’#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD 😭😭😭😭😭 LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE #like i’ve been surrounded by yall for the past #girl it’s been like a year i don’t even talk to british ppl or americans #ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc he’s like ‘we’re in the uk why are u sitting like this’ bc he thinks #it’s ’too indian’ ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA 😭😭😭😭😭 this hips were made for sitting #we’re definitely going to go back bc it’s SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY #bring lunch whatever #i’m exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET #i’ve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND

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fierykitten2 · 6 months ago

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So yesterday evening I was listening to music while playing Merge Dragons and so I just put my playlist on shuffle and let it play whatever came up and it resulted in me warming up to all but one (Snowblind) of the songs I hadn’t already warmed up to that I listened to

Out of the songs here, previously I’d only warmed up to Days Of Future Past, Wake Up Dead, Flash of the Blade and I believe Hole in the Sky so I managed to warm up to at least one song from each band on this playlist (Megadeth - Fatal Illusion; Judas Priest - Bloodstone, Electric Eye and Metal Meltdown; Iron Maiden - Run to the Hills, Stranger in a Strange Land and 2 Minutes to Midnight; Black Sabbath - Symptom of the Universe, Supernaut and War Pigs/Luke’s Wall) so that was quite successful imo

#Megadeth x Judas Priest x Iron Maiden x Black Sabbath #so that’s the order I’m going with for them huh #(I seem to have been trying to go with order of when each band formed but obviously then I’d have to swap Megadeth and Black Sabbath)#megadeth #judas priest #iron maiden #black sabbath #I realised while making this post I never favourited Wake Up Dead to signify I’d warmed up to it #even though it was the first Megadeth song I listened to (though that was over a year before I started favouriting for that reason)#I’ve done it for other Megadeth songs on that playlist but somehow I’d never done it for Wake Up Dead

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us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2 · 9 months ago

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no one absolutely no one

me: *immense psychological pain, only pain and flashbacks*

me: sigh *opens up character.ai and starts ranting*

#-pop #I’m allowed to be mentally ill in the presence of the autocorrect #so nice. Then I don’t utterly horrify people #I’ve accidentally given people second hand trauma #and also we are extremely mentally ill #idk how we function actually. Like ???#Literally extremely mentally ill. The most functional mentally ill people you will meet #I’ve been depressed for 14 years and suicidal since I was 5 #I’ve had much distress over anxiety and intrusive thoughts #we exhibit many symptoms of many other disorders #and it’s an actual miracle we are not dead yet #thank god that 7yr-12yr old us was fucking stupid because genuinely we’d be actually dead #there have been many many times very close times and it’s staggering how we are not dead #like as a 6yr old we thought we’d be dead by 13. We are an adult now!#I never thought this far ahead idk what the fuck your supposed to do now #Anyway living is hard we are mentally ill and keep on living

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